#i dont listen all that much. but the conversations I heard once werent very good for younger naive teens and such to hear and think that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

galaticrow546 · 3 years

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Breaking news: local artist finally finishes another fic he started and actually tried his best ( also breaking news: i actually write fics, i just dont finish many of them :') )

Anyways here is a little thing i wrote ( quite badly but i tried ) about the Idea of "Dream is small but he still get to keep his memories"

Its so hard to edit the story on Tumblr mobile what ;-;-

Btw i forgot mostly of what happened in OSD so It might be a little strange sorry-

Anyways, OSD belongs to @calcium-cat

Pain, thats all Dream felt for a moment, he twisted and shifted, trying to make the pain go away, even If It was for a while, It was also really dark too, he has no Idea what Night made him drink, but he doesnt feel good.

He felt panic as he noticed his conscience slipping away, as he panicked around, he felt a huge pain going through his entire body as he fainted.

…

After moments, he woke up again, as he slowly got up, he kept hissing at the pain that still jolted through his entire body:

-"Ugh, this sucks" thought the little guardian, "I wonder what Night gave me", as he thought, he opened his eyes slowly and blinked a few times before brushing his hands on his face to try and stir himself more awake, but he swears his hands felt...different.

As he opened his eyes, he took a glimpse at his hands, his tiny gloved hands looked smaller than usual, he turned around slowly to find his oversized clothes laying around him, and the clothes he was wearing weirdly looked like the clothes he wore when he was younger, as the realization crept in, Dream slowly realized what just happened, as panic began to grow inside him, he nervously touched his own hand and face while searching for a mirror.

It didnt take long before he found a small, partially broken mirror laying around the room he was in:

-"...It's becoming increasily obvious...I can deny It no longer…"

And, with a tired and defeated breath, Dream spurted out:

-"I am small"

Dream sat back while crossing his arms, how on earth would he even survive here with this size? he needed to come up with a solution fast, before anyone dangerous come-

*click*

Dream's eyes widen at the sound of the door being opened, as he panicked inside, he quickly jumped somewhere to hide, and for now, he needed to be careful to not be spotted.

-"Ugh, now to see how Dream is-"

Night paused, looking at the clothes laying around, It was silent, too silent, he walked over and grabbed a fistfull of Dream's present cape as he began searching for any trace of Dream, but his expression slowly began changing from a calm and neutral face to a worried and panicked one, he moved on from the clothes and began to search around the room, Dream cant be dead right? It was only a magic repressor he gave him after all.

Dream quietly watched from afar, and with a determined face, began to crept closer to Nightmare, ready to jump out and hopefully succeed to escape, a moment passed before Night got a surprise attack from a screaming skeleton toddler, he climbed Night in a rush while he was trying to get Dream out with force, and eventually, the guardian was caught by one of Nightmare's tentacles, as the cyan eye began analizing him, Dream tried to angrily break out of the tentacle's grasp, constantly trying to bite and punch It, It was quickly getting tiring.

Night watched the toddler scream and struggle silently, his face with an serious expression, Dream quickly looked at him angrily and tiredly as he spoke out:

-"Night...I will..ugh...I will break free, let...let me go"

Night listened silently and looked to the side like he was thinking, and with a wide grin, Night answered Dream's request:

-"...no"

Dream gave a tired sigh at the response as the silence between them remained, well, until a particular oreo came in the room in a rush:

-"Night are you ok? I heard screaming-"

Cross paused and stared at the scene, Night holding a toddler that looked like Dream on his tentacles and the toddler looking defeated and tired, It also looked so dirty too, Cross looked at Night silently and confused, Night sighed as he started:

-"Cross, believe It or not, this is Dream...yeah, i know its confusing, and i dont exactly know what happened to him, but trust me, its him"

The toddler tiredly looked up at the ex-royal guard, and shot him a tired but "ready-to-attack" glare, he knew he couldnt actually do much, but he could at least try.

Cross quickly spoke up:

-"...ok? Soooo you have no Idea what happened to him and he is just a toddler now", Night nodded calmly as the toddler looked seriously to the side, at this point, Dream just wanted to sleep, or at least take a nap, and the tentacle had a really tight grip so struggling was quite Impossible.

Night glared at Dream and gently approached him with a wide grin on his face, as Dream looked at him motherfuckerly:

-"awwww, the little kid right here wants to take a nap?" Said Night mockingly.

"No, i dont, let me go Night" spat Dream rudely.

"Not happening little pal, you're staying here until i decide what to do with you" grinned Night maliciously

Dream stayed silent at Night's response, but still kept glaring angrily at Night.

-"anyways, perhaps we should introduce our new pal here to the rest of the team since It might take a while for us to decide what to do, shall we?"

-"yeah, sure"

As Night walked towards the door, Dream looked at Cross with such a serious look that surprised Cross a little, he didnt expect the toddler to suddenly look at him while he follows Night, Cross glared at Dream back, but this only seemed to make Dream look offended, they both kept "fighting" with shooting each other daring and sometimes offensive looks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-"stop hitting me!"

Cross was having a hard time with bathing Dream, it seems that the little guy wouldnt give up so soon, It would be a miracle If he even behaved a little, but everytime Cross tried, Dream kept hitting him as hard as he can, and he also seemed very panicked whenever Cross succesfully held him, and then resorted to squirming and throwing water at him, honestly, Cross just wishes this would end soon.

-"I will not stop fighting!, leave me alone at once foul wench!"

Cross looked at him silently as Dream looked back with equal seriousness, they both stayed in silence until Cross handed him the soap and the sponge, as Cross tiredly got up to leave, Dream whispered at him silently:

-"......thank you"

Cross looked back at him with a questioning look, as Dream seemed to ignore the glare, he silently looked away as he left the bathroom, but not before whispering back:

-"......yeah...no problem"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross was eating his dinner happily, well, until Night requested him to call Dream for dinner, since he didnt come down from his room for a while, Cross lazily walked towards the room Dream was given, and then knocked on the door a few times:

-"Dream? You there buddy? Come eat dinner, hope you like soup"

The bedroom stayed silent, Cross knocked a few more times:

-"ok buddy listen, im not joking, Night is telling me to come and get you to get down for dinner"

A faint shuffling was heard from inside the bedroom, Cross waited a while before deciding to turn around the doorknob and opening the door.

All he saw was a little toddler cuddling to the blanket It was given, It looked rather happy and comfy there, but It quickly opened his eyes to stare at Cross, and in turn, shift to sit on the comfy bed he was on:

-"ah, you have returned, welcome back" greeted Dream tiredly.

Cross stared at him confused, why would he even greet him after all of the chaos that happened today, perhaps he was so tired that he gave up on the thought of attacking him? Well, If thats the case, then at least he wont have to deal with a angry Dream.

Cross approached Dream slowly and quite cautiously, as Dream looked at him boredly, the blanket he was holding was quite fluffy though.

-"um, ok so, Night told me to get you to come down for dinner, now answer me, do you like soup?"

-"...hmmmm yeah sure, soup is nice"

-"uh right"

The silence was quite awkward, Dream seemed like he calmed down, but there was still a bit of cautiousness in him, seems like they werent getting his trust so soon.

-"...so, will you come down?"

Dream looks down, thinking carefully and silently before a grumbling sound coming from his stomach (???) broke the silence, Dream got spooked by the sudden sound and made a scared squeak because of It.

As Dream took some time to calm down from the sudden spook, he slowly stared at Cross:

-"...fine, I'll come down"

-"good, follow me, or dont, its your choice"

As Cross made his way to the door, Dream quickly got down from the bed and let go of the blanket he was holding at the entire conversation, following after Cross silently.

#toddler Dream #OSD #Nightmare sans #Cross sans #haha tiny bastard man is even more tiny #btw i wrote this as i am watching a deltarune chapter 2 stream and i decided to try and write something #keyword - tried #tumblr mobile kinda sucks to edit but eh #writing #my writing

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literaila · 3 years

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tricks and tips.

loki x gn!reader. title says it all. be warned.

the first time you met loki,

he was sitting in a cage. it was cold where they were keeping him, somewhere far too excluded from everything else, someplace that you barely recognized yourself. it was cold, and it was dark everywhere except the glass composure he was trapped in.

this wasn’t really a prison, you knew. it couldn’t have been a prison for him when he was just sitting there, watching you, no movement, no sound.

but still, something about the cage made you want to crawl out of your skin.

or maybe it was him.

maybe it was his eyes, the cruel words he had spoken to everyone else. he wasn’t just a man, he would remind you, he was something other.

you’d first been called in to interrogate him (having a doctorate in psychology was very useful apparently) and try to determine what his next move was.

though within five seconds of entering the room, you wondered why anyone would think there was any move he could make in the first place. he was completely enclosed, trapped in something that looked like it could hold even the scariest of monsters.

and well, you werent quite sure if that was him.

though, you couldnt deny the chill that ran down your spine as his eyes watched you as you walked closer and closer, not letting any fear you might have deter you from the job you were supposed to be doing. figure out what his next move was. simple.

“hello,” you started, a professional smile on your face. you could’ve sworn he’d flinched. “i’m y/n.”

the only thing you got in return was a roll of his eyes, clearly fed up with you, probably with the cage, and definitely with the wall he was leaning against.

your neck ached in sympathy.

“you must be loki, yes?” trying again, you drew a chair that was sitting next to the cage, probably leftover from the last person that had tried to talk to him, and leaned back, waiting for whatever answer he would give.

turns out, that didnt take long.

“prince” he, not quite hissed but announced. his face was not any more pleasant, and it was clear he wasnt joking.

even still, you had to put in some effort not to giggle. it wasnt as if you’d ever gotten corrected by a ‘prince’ before. or that you’d even been in the vicinity of one.

allowing only a small twitch at the corner of your lips, you nodded seriously, opening the notebook you’d been holding. “ah yes, prince loki. i’m sorry”

“why are you here?” he asked, leaning his head against the wall again, and closing his eyes. “another person sent to discover all my secrets? figure out what to do with someone like me?”

it was silent for a moment, the two of you were completely alone. it was still cold, it was still dark, but this close to the prince, you could observe the slow movements he was making. you could see his face clearly, the dread unhidden from his features.

you supposed it must be draining, to have people asking you the same things, hoping to find out something new.

you wonder how long he’d been left alone since he’d arrived in the small prison. how long he’d been watched.

someone more cheerful, less conceded, might be a relief.

“well yes, i guess so.” there was no point in lying, especially considering it didnt seem like he was going to cooperate anyway. “but i’m willing to bet that it wouldnt matter even if i tried,”

he opened his eyes at that, something new on his face. something other than the distaste he already had for you.

“its usually not safe to make bets with me, as i’m sure my brother already told you.” he spit out the word brother. it didnt surprise you, but you still scribbled something down in the notebook you were holding. you didnt fail to notice the change in topic.

“i actually havent spoken to him yet, just the agent who called me in. i cant seem to remember their name...”

loki stood up then, walking around the cage, stretching out. he looked different now, less angry, maybe a bit more tired than when you’d walked in. there was nothing else in the cage. no water, no food, no bed. it would be a struggle to stay sitting for long.

“you dont work for shield?” the prince asked, now standing in front of you.

“god, no.” you giggled at the thought, imaging yourself in the all-black uniforms you’d seen on almost every person that had welcomed you in. “i’m just here to... interrogate you.” you made an effort to keep the cheer in your voice, not wanting him to return to the other side of the cage and ignore you for the rest of the time you were locked in here with him.

it wouldnt make for a very good report.

“no i suppose not...” he drawled, smirking at you with crueler eyes than before. you recognized the insult but paid no mind to it. he was locked in a glass cage, multiple levels below the ground. he had a right to be a little bitter. “now about that bet,”

huh. maybe a game would work then. you were almost sure that he’d been purposefully trying to move past that.

“i think, knowing that you are the god of mischief, that even if i asked questions-- and you answered --that it wouldnt be too far-fetched to say that it would be all lies.” you watched his face change, the tiny twitch of his lips. “a safe bet, i’m assuming.”

loki sat back down, this time in the middle of the floor with his long legs crossed over each other. he was looking at you completely now, blank face. it wasnt as scary now, and you werent sure if this was the right prison for someone as calm as he seemed.

“i’ve been told its not good to assume,” he replied, looking down to his lap.

you nodded along, silent then.

it was another minute after, both of you thinking completely different things, before anyone spoke. you, of course, were trying to figure out your best course of action. what you could ask to get him to say something that you could report back to the people waiting for you, what he would need to hear to actually reveal something that wasnt already known.

it was only when you looked up and saw loki scowling once again that you decided it was best to just keep the conversation going.

“how long have you been here, then?”

“here, physically? only around a day or two. i cant tell what time it is.” he looked around, nodding to the black walls, the light that was only coming from the floor beneath him. “on earth? ...well, far longer than i intended to be.”

“hmm”

loki raised a brow. “hmm?”

you looked down at your lap, undeterred by the demand in his voice. he didnt like to not know.

“Its just that,” you looked back up at him, offering a smile and using your hands to gesture in the air. “based on what i’ve heard of you... on the news, it seems more like you came to ‘annihilate’ us all. and, well i just figured that would take a bit longer than a couple of days?”

you kept eye-contact with him. he was far less intimidating when he was sitting like a child. far less intimidating when his eyes werent full of murder.

he nodded, leaning his chin on his hand, staring. “that sounds like a question.” he muttered, uninterested. he looked a bit bored, mostly tired, but still.

“oh right,” you leaned back, distancing yourself from him and returning your eyes to the notebook. “sorry”

loki sighed, kept silent for a moment before he saw that you werent going to say anything else. he had to know.

“if i tell you something, will you tell me what you’re writing in that thing?”

your eyes perked up. that was a good offer.

“i thought it wasnt smart to make deals with the ‘god of mischief’?” you emphasised the title with a wave of your hands, hoping to get him to smile.

just something to report, you reminded yourself. just stay long enough to get him comfortable.

“its not,” he smirked, watching you decide. this suddenly felt a bit too much like a dare.

and, well, you werent something who backed away from a dare.

“okay, deal.”

loki didnt reply, only waved a hand as if to say get on with it before yawning. he was definitely paying attention, but his show of boredom was greatly appreciated even still.

you werent used to being told what to do with gestures, but it was clear that loki was very used to telling other people what to do with just a gesture. it was the prince in him, you supposed. didnt mean you were going to listen.

“why am i going first?” you asked, arms crossed in front of you now.

loki laughed, full out. he gestured around him with wide eyes, energy sudenly coming back to him. he looked much more like a prince now, than he did before. “it would seem that i’m at a bit of a disadvantage.”

you glared at him, unmoving. “how do i know you’ll tell me anything real?”

lies, you thought. you were very familiar with them, familiar to listening to them and familiar to dealing with them.

“you have my word,” he promised, sincerely with a hand over his heart.

it was definitely too much. but still, you grabbed the notebook and flipped it around so that he could see. the look on his face might’ve been just enough to make this entire day worth it.

it was just scribbles, after all. little doodles to help keep you focused.

but of course, the god of mischief, prince of asgard, didnt know that.

he only stared at you, an astounding look in his eyes. and you, only smirked. copying his gesture from earlier.

get on with it.

“fine,” he quipped. crossing his arms over his chest. copying you now. it only made you smile wider. “i wasnt born on asgard. i also murdered my biological father.” no remorse on his face with those words, just another yawn.

well. that wasnt expected.

“that wasnt the deal,” you said, instead of offering any sympathy you might have. pity you knew he wouldnt want. any disgust that came with the words. he didnt want emotions, and you still needed something to report.

you suddenly felt angry with him, and you couldnt tell why.

“darling, i said i would tell you something. not that i would tell you anything useful.” he laid down then, right in the middle of the floor. it was ridiculous. but then you could see him closing his eyes, putting his hand over his face to block out the light. “its not like you gave me anything useful either.” he teased the words out, yawning again.

maybe you’d misread his mischief, his distaste.

“when was the last time you got any sleep?” you asked, instead of acknowledging anything he said.

his face snapped up at that, the pressure in the room rising to the highest level. it seemed that you’d struck a nerve. he had been there far too long.

“another question,” he hissed, distaste back plain and clear in his eyes, tinting his mouth. he was mad now, angry. it probably wasnt at you, you thought. it was probably at the situation, at his brother, at himself.

you might’ve known a bit more than you’d led on.

“when i was a kid,” you started, pleasant smile back on your face. you were in the company of a prince after all. “my mom used to tell me to think ‘happy thoughts’ to fall asleep.” you saw him wince slightly, but you werent finished. “it helped lure me to sleep, and also keep away nightmares.”

“why are you telling me this?” he demanded, quietly. whatever he didnt like about what you were saying, it was too late to take back.

“just in case you needed some help. or a reminder to take a nap.”

and then someone was calling your name, leading you out of the dark room. you looked back at loki once more, another smile.

you were sure you’d be back soon.

and loki, well he was watching you walk away. listening to the silence you’d left behind.

compared to any other person that had attempted to talk to him, to get something out of him. you were the most entertaining. and also slightly annoying.

but still, he couldnt get those words out of his head. and he couldnt get the weight off his eyes.

five minutes later, your voice in his ear, he was sound asleep against the glass wall.

#loki x reader #loki imagine #loki x you #loki #loki layfeyson imagine #marvel fanfic #marvel #the avengers #loki laufeyson #loki x reader fluff

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negandarylsatisfaction · 3 years

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[SUMMARY: Rick's daughter Melody cant help her curiosity about the man locked up in the prison cell. Being kept secrets from her father, she takes it upon herself to get to know Negan and one day sneaks into the cell to find him asleep with morning wood.]

SEMI SMUT

Negan and Melody

Rick never really allowed you anywhere near Negan. Hell, you never even saw Negan yourself up close and personal. Although you were twenty, your father still treated you like the little five year old girl he used to carry on his shoulders. It was frustrating at times, he always wanted to keep secrets from you about what was going on in the group and he always said it was to protect you. The only times you ever saw Negan he was tied up being led into the prison cell. Truth was, you didnt know what he had done that was so bad. Your father seemed to keep everything from you that involved anything serious. You looked out the window and saw Daryl pass Eugene the keys for cell, each night someone was on guard. Looking to the right you saw your dad heading your way and quickly pulled down the blinds. After you were told Glenn had died in an accident on a run a few months ago many things changed. Maggie left, everyone seemed more distant and it left you confused.

"Get ready for bed, Melody," your dad spoke low as he entered the house making you sigh.

"I'm not tired dad."

"Mel, it's getting late-"

"And is there something we need to be ready for in the morning?" You responded with sarcasm looking back out the window.

"Besides...you never told me what that guy Negan did."

"I told you that's not up for discussion," he insisted making you roll your eyes.

"Is anything up for discussion? Whatever, I'm sure what he did wasnt that bad if hes being kept alive." You got up from the chair and walked past your father as he looked down with a straight face. There was no way he could tell you the truth of what Negan had done. Your father tried to protect you the best he could and losing people was enough, he didnt want to leave you with images in your head.

Waiting to be sure that your father was in his room you quietly snuck out of yours. Your curiosity ate at you and you were tired of your father treating you like a little girl. Making sure you werent heard, you stepped outside and walked towards where Negan was held captive. Eugene was heading back to the cell with a tray of food for Negan. You knew itd be easy to get around Eugene regardless of what your father instilled in his mind. Creating casual conversation with Eugene and some jokes to break the ice you offered to take Negan his lunch. Right away he made a face filled with doubt.

"I dont know about that, Melody..I'm in charge of his cell-"

"Yeah but you're in charge of the entrance. Who's going to watch while you are distracted handing him the food?" Eugene raised an eyebrow in thought, he felt like you had a point.

"Alright but your dad cant know about this, he'll kill me. So dont take too long."

"Dont worry I got it," you assured him before taking hold of the tray of food and the keys from his hand.

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest, you were nervous yet so curious to know the man that was hidden from you. Unlocking the door you walked down a dark hallway before reaching the cell.

"Well its about time one of you fuckers remembered to feed me," you froze at the sound of Negans voice before stepping out of the dark hall and into the light, revealing yourself. Negan looked up as he leaned against the wall not expecting to see a young attractive woman before him.

"Well excuse my French, where the fuck did your pretty little self come from?" Negan looked you up and down observing your skin tight jeans and crop shirt. Right from the jump you found this man to be very intimidating, taking a deep breath you stepped closer to his cell and bit your bottom lip nervously.

"Um...my name is Melody.. I came to bring you your meal," Negan slowly stepped closer to the bars with a smirk on his face and looked down at the tray in your hands.

"I see that...so you're gonna put that down for me, sweetheart?" He spoke slowly with an enticing voice.

"Oh..um, yes" you smiled before slowly bending down not noticing Negan tilt his head eyeing the curve of your ass as you slid the tray beneath the bars.

"Very nice.." he murmured low to himself before you got back up. Your eyes met his and you suddenly didnt move, his eyes were alluring and inviting all at once. Nervously clearing your throat you backed away brushing your hair back.

"I gotta ask, princess. What's a fine young woman like you doing alone with me here in my prison cell?"

"I wanted to see who you were...I'm not allowed to know things so-"

"So you're telling me no one knows you're here?" He raised a brow getting closer, although this man was behind the bars you still found yourself feeling nervous.

"No...everyone treats me like a little girl. I'm twenty years old and I'm tired of people covering up things for me," you explained.

"Shit, you are very young."

"Not too young where I cant be told what the hell you did to be in here, cant be all that bad if you're still alive."

Negan raised his brows sliding his tongue behind his lower lip.

"Oh no sweetheart, I'm no good." He spoke in a low voice.

"So let me guess, you're going to treat me like a little girl too and not tell me why?" Negan couldnt help himself but chuckle making you cross your arms.

"What's so funny?"

"Ohh...princess, if I was out of this cell right now I'd gladly show you how much of a grown woman I think you are."

"What?" You asked a little shocked not expecting him to express himself the way he did. You were quickly learning Negan had an unfiltered mouth.

"Dont mind me," Negan shook his head with a sigh.

"Its been a while and I'm just fucking frustrated."

"Its been a while since what?" You asked making him slightly lean back with a frown on his face.

"You really are innocent huh," you rolled your eyes.

"Listen, if you're going to say it just say it-"

"Its been a while since I've had some pussy." Negan blurt out making you stumble over your words.

"Oh-um...-" Negan grinned raising his brows at your reaction.

"Oh yes," he laughed as you nervously licked your lips.

"Shit..." he suddenly turned serious.

"How long has it been for you? Or wait let me guess, you haven't even had your cherry popped yet." Negan moved closer to the bars to get a closer look at you.

"Actually, I'm not a virgin but it's been a few years since I lost my virginity to this jackass. I havent slept with someone since."

"So you've gone a few years with out any relief?"

"Well um-obviously I've had relief-"

"Oh..so you like touching yourself," he bit his bottom lip in excitement.

"-But yes, it's been years since I've had sex and I'm okay with it, I dont need it." You couldnt believe you were even explaining this to him.

"Hm. Looks like whoever was hitting it wasnt hitting it right, shit I'd always have you coming back for more." You rolled your eyes holding back a smile, you kind of liked the attention he was giving you.

"Are you always this vulgar, Negan?"

"Only when I'm horny," he teased making you shake your head.

"Shit, do you blame me princess? You're the first woman that's spoken to me like I wasnt a damn monster. Plus I love some dirty talk." Negan had to admit the company was refreshing for him. You sighed with a smile and looked down at his food.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you to your food. I'll come by when I can again...if you want me to." Negan smiled sliding his tongue between his teeth.

"Oh I definitely do." You couldnt believe this man was flirting with you but you had to admit to yourself it was a fun interaction.

"Your secrets safe with me, Melody." Negan winked before you quietly left and locked the door shut.

That night you lay in bed smiling to yourself thinking of your very flirtatious talk with Negan. Your dad hadn't suspected a thing and you knew the next morning he would go on a run. It would be a perfect time to see Negan again. You were the first person in a long time to not make him feel like a monster and he was the first person who made you feel like a grown woman. Distracted by his flirtatious ways you didnt focus on the reason of him being held in a cell and Negan had no idea you were Rick Grimes only daughter.

The next morning just as suspected your father left on a run with Daryl and Michonne. The person on guard today was one of the men that you knew wasnt the biggest fan of your father. Of course you were to use this to your greatest advantage. Setting up a tray of breakfast with extra fruit you had grown in your garden you made your way to Negan. Unlocking the door, excitedly you walked down the hall to find Negan asleep with his back facing you as you set down his tray of food.

"Good morning, Negan." You spoke softly making him open his eyes. He groaned with a stretch and turned flat to his back making you gasp.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Negan looked at you confused before noticing exactly where your eyes were. The imprint of Negans very hard cock was practically bulging out of his pants.

"Ah shit-"he muttered to himself adjusting his pants.

"Sorry, sweetheart must've been having a nice little dream." He chuckled as he noticed you wouldnt stop staring at it.

"What, never seen some morning wood before?" He teased as he stood up.

"I mean, of course I just didnt expect to see you..I mean for you to be that way right now." You responded nervously as he made his way close to the bars of the cell.

"Right now?" He laughed.

"Oh princess, you have no idea how horny I am. How much I'd kill for the feel of sweet pussy...shit for a woman to just relieve me." The two of you were face to face now, only the bars separating you from each other.

"You know what I was dreaming about, princess?" Negan spoke as he noticed you would not stop looking down at his crotch area.

"I dreamt about you riding my cock." His voice was raspy, his words making you look up in shock.

"What?" You whispered.

"You left me last night thinking about things I wanted to do to you and this is the outcome." He motioned towards his erection.

"Why dont you touch it for me...just once." He spoke low, your lips parted at his request. Your heart was racing, it was arousing how much this man wanted you. Looking back at the door behind you making sure it was locked you looked back at Negan and nodded.

"Just once." You agreed making him grin.

"Atta girl."

Negan watched as you hesitatingly moved your hand in between the bars and began to slowly rub his crotch. A deep noise escaped his lips the first moment you touched him, his breathing was heavy as you moved your hand up and down.

"Oh my...-" you whispered feeling how rock solid he was.

"Oh, Melody.." he whispered as he closed his eyes. You could tell he obviously wanted more, you could tell how much he needed it. Without saying a word you began to unzip his pants and instantly his cock sprung out. It was thick and hot, you could feel him throbbing in your hand. The man was aching for some kind of relief, he was about ready to explode.

Spitting on your hand you began to move along his shaft. Negan moaned holding onto the bars as he watched you jerk him off. He could tell you were getting turned on as you began to breathe quickly. Negan reached through the bars and grabbed your throat applying pressure making you moan as you began to move your hand faster.

"Fuck baby, I dont think I can hold it-" he held his breath and grunted struggling to not let himself cum just yet.

"Hold on just a little bit more, I want you to cum hard." You whispered as he frowned holding on to the bar tightly, his knuckles turning white. It had been too long since he had been touched, too long since he had ejaculated and Negan had an intense rush. His other hand quickly sliding down your neck and pulling your v neck shirt down revealing your breast.

"Touch me, Negan. Do what you want." You whispered as your hand moved faster. Your words making his jaw clench as he squeezed your breast and let out a very loud and deep groan, loads of cum spilled out of him falling to ground.

"Yes.." you whispered loving the sight of him giving in.

"Dont stop-" he struggled to speak as he continued to cum all over your hand. He panted as you began to slow down before he let go of your breast and leaned against the bars. Releasing his cock from your hand you stepped back and looked at him from head to toe. His eyes were closed as he leaned his head on the bars, his cock twitching as you noticed all his cum on the concrete floor.

"Wow.." you whispered making him open his eyes. Grabbing a rag you had on you, you cleaned up your hand then handed it to him before he closed his pants. Negan cleared his throat before looking back up at you with a smirk.

"I guess I owe you one," he chuckled still trying to catch his breath making you laugh as you fixed your top.

"Glad I could be of help," you joked before the two of you locked eyes. The smiling fading from his face now.

"Seriously, it's been nice having you here."

Negan liked the sexual connection the two of you had, he also liked how you naturally conversed with him. You didnt treat him like an animal, you treated him like a human being. Negan knew he had messed up in life but he knew there was nothing he could do to change the past. All he could do was not repeat the same mistakes. What he did know was that he now knew for sure that he did not want you knowing his real reason behind being locked inside. He knew youd never look at him the same way again.

"Its been nice for me too. I havent really had conversation with anyone in my group." You sighed crossing your arms.

"After my friend Glenn died things changed." You whispered making Negans face change at the mention of Glenn's name. He looked away feeling a knot of guilt in the pit of his stomach.

"Everyone started acting different. I miss the way things were." You continued as you looked to the side and thought back of some memories.

"I think you should get going, Princess." Negan spoke low, his words making you look back at him confused.

"Wh-what? I thought we could talk-"

"Listen, I'm not your fucking therapist. Now get going." Negan snapped just wanting you to leave, his guilt eating up at him he felt like utter shit.

"So what jerking you off is all you needed so I'm good to go now?"

Negan remained silent, his head down not being able to look you in the eye.

"You know I know we dont know each other and you dont give a shit about me, but I thought we had an understanding that we both needed someone to talk to and not talk to them like something they're not." You snapped as he carefully listened to your words.

"That's the problem, sweetheart. They're not treating me like something I'm not. You are." His words left you speechless, what the hell did he mean by that?

"I told you I was no fucking good. Now get out of here." Negan turned his back to you, you couldnt believe what he was saying or what the hell even made him say these things.

"Screw you." Negan heard the crack in your voice before you stormed out and slammed the door shut. Negan sighed knowing he didnt want to hurt your feelings, hell he didnt even want you to leave. Angrily you walked back to your room and slammed the door shut, you felt so stupid you could scream. You swore you'd never see Negan again nor let your father ever find out of what had just happened.

Part 2? Trying to think of where I can go from here. Feel free to send in any ideas if you have. Xx

#jeffrey dean morgan #the walking dead negan #negan x you #negan fan fiction #negan twd #negan x ofc #negan x reader #rick grimes #the walking dead fic

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ablackfangirlwrites · 3 years

Text

A/n: A new chapter for those of you who were waiting for this! I hope you enjoy it 💕🖤💕 again tagging @ayocee because you were a big help in making this love u boo😘

Part 1

Part 2

“You are too damn cute,” Daichi said breathlessly as he kissed you against the library bookshelf.

You couldn’t help but giggle, “Daichi- you’re going to get u-us in trouble.” You said inbetween his kisses, But he didn’t seem to care as he pushed up closer against you and deepened the kiss.

That’s how the last few days had been. You had been wrapped in everything that was Daichi. And you had been enjoying every second of it.

How did you get so lucky? Was all you could wonder. First, a random guy who is insanely hot pops up into your life and returned your precious wallet; And on top of that, he was interested in you!

And it’s been since that day you the two of you had been meeting up.

You had been right. You did have a few classes with him. And when you saw him the next day he offered to sit next to you and walk you to your next class. To which you happily agreed.

And after a few walks around campus and late-night texting sessions, you found yourself really enjoying his company. Hints the reason why you were making out during one of your study sessions in the library

So needless to say the two of you really really did hit it off.

And things really had been blissful with Daichi. He really was all the things you had thought he was, handsome, charming, funny, caring. He was literally everything you wanted in a guy.

Except there was one problem…

He wasn’t so keen on being in a relationship.

“I just got out of a relationship Y/n…” He told you the first time you brought up being his girlfriend and making things official.

“But I do like you a lot so I can definitely see myself with you if we keep this up, ” And looking into his beautiful brown eyes you believed him. And you had hope that there was a passionate relationship in the future for you two.

“But doesn’t that upset you? It’s been like a month since you started talking. What do you wanna do? Are you going to keep seeing him? ” Your friend asked you once they knew you and Daichi had been seeing each other for a few weeks. And nothing had been declared official yet.

“I don’t know...I mean I get why he doesn’t want to rush into anything, but I believe if I give him a little time we’ll be together...He’s a good guy.” You told her confidently. If anything you were trying to convince yourself. Maybe it was because of all those bad relationships of your past you were doubtful. "He just got out of a relationship he just needs time."

Daichi was different. He had to be. He was nice..he’s a good guy.

Her only response was a sigh, “Alright I trust your judgment. But even nice guys can have a bad side.”

Once again you found yourself just hoping you were right.

Things kept getting more intense with Daichi. Which was good and bad; Bad because even after seeing each other for over 3 months he still didn’t want to make it official and good because even though that was the case you still couldn’t get enough of him, he was just so good to you. He always listened to you. He was was making sure you were comfortable with him. He was literally perfect.

But you weren’t so stupid and naive, and again it might have been because of all the other times you had been used. That you had made a deal with Daichi. No sex until you were official.

The only problem with that was Daichi seemed okay with it. Make out sessions and dry humping was working for him. And he respected your boundaries, And it annoyed you to no end because the whole reason you said that was to encourage him. But that didn’t work.

There was one other issue too...His friends.

You weren’t sure if they like you or not. It wasn’t that they were mean to you either. If anything they were indifferent. Daichi talked about them all the time, making them sound fun and lively. And when you met them they all seemed great, but whenever you were around you couldn’t help but get the feeling they were all having a conversation about you behind your back. It made yoi feel uneasy. But you pushed it too the back of your mind.

“You really falling for all that? His one friend Kuroo asked you one day. After Daichi had left to do something, leaving you with his friends. Out of all of Daichi's friends he was the one that you were sure you didn’t like. As far as you were concerned Kuroo was a nerd and who was annoying and he seemed to always have something snarky to say whenever he saw you with Daichi.

“What jealous? You can't be as charming as him?” You quipped back at him.

Kuroo snorted with an eyeroll, “Sure.”

Annoyed with his attitude you spoke up again, "Whats you deal anyway? Aren't you supposed to be his friend? Or do you just not like us together?"

Kuroo signed closings his notebook and packing up his things where he was studying, “I’m just watching this one play out. It’s a shame tho you seem nice.” He was so condensing. It was always something vague with him. But you just roll your eyes and continue about your way, not giving his words much thought.

Having no idea what his words really meant.

But all good things must come to an end.

It was a random day when you saw Daichi. He had been texting you as normal all-day. And everything seemed fine. You guys even planned on seeing each other later that night to study.

But then you saw him as you were heading back to your dorm.

That itself wouldn’t have been a problem if not for the fact he told you he was still had work to do in one of his classes, and the fact you saw him with someone else. And not just anyone. Another girl.

And again that wouldn't have been a problem either if not for the fact he had his hands wrapped around her, and she him as the two of them stood there kissing in broad daylight. Not caring who saw them. Which was very different from anytime you were with him. It wasn’t like he was keeping you a secret he took you around his friends after all...but now that you were really thinking about it you never been with him kissing outside in the middle of the campus who was she?

They stopped kissing and stood there talking for a bit smiling and staring into each other eyes, just like you usually do with him and you felt the sting in your heart. You almost felt bad for just standing there watching them. Like you were invading their privacy, but they were out in public…

You wanted an answer.

You don’t know where you got the courage from but you didn’t want to be a bystander in this. So you went up to them. Praying that she wasn’t anyone serious to him. That maybe she was like you and they hadn’t been made official and you still had a chance. You still wanted hope that you and Daichi could be together.

“Hey, Daichi!” You said in a voice that was way too high.

Daichi seemed to freeze for a moment when he saw you, “oh-Y/n...Hey..er- how have you been?”

He really was acting like the two of you hadn’t been texting just a few hours ago. And you felt your heart sinking.

“I’ve been fine, Daichi…” You started to trail off

But the girl spoke up, “Who’s this Di?”

He cleared his voice, “Um a girl I study with sometimes."

You couldn't believe it, Daichi didnt even have the decency to tell her your name.

Daichi seemed to pick up how that made you feel so clearing his voice he spoke up, "Y/n.."

But the girl looked at him expecting him to say more which he also picked up on, " Annnd Y/n- this my girlfriend (girls name)” He answered avoided your gaze.

You didn’t know what hurt the most that he couldn’t look at you, or that he was in a relationship when he had been leading you on all this time.

But not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of him anymore. You faked a smile, “Yeah, ummm...I-I was just asking if you had any trouble- with that problem number 4 on the test today?” You asked him out of the blue.

Daichi seemed to sigh with relief that you weren’t making a scene, “Yeah, I did actually. But I’m sorta busy right now but we can go over it later alright?”

You were so hurt, and you were trying not to cry, “Don’t bother...I'll figure it out” You told him before walking away.

This was a nightmare! You felt betrayed! How could he? The events of the last few minutes replayed in your head. A girlfriend? No wonder he didnt want to be in a relationship with you, he was already in one! You wished so hard that it wasnt true. That he would run after you and tell you it was a joke. That you were the one he wanted. That the last few months with him weren't a lie.

But that wasn't going to happen.

You got far enough to where you were sure they couldn’t see you before you let your emotions flow....He had a girlfriend you repeated in your head over and over again. You felt so used, and stupid. This was far worst than the other guys, Because you actually believed he was different; that he was your Mr. Perfect.

But you were so wrong.

“Oof that was awkward,” You heard someone say besides you, you quickly tried to wipe away the tears on your face. Only to look to see it was Kuroo. Great, of course, it was him out of all people you thought.

“I bet you’re really enjoying this,” You said trying your best to sound tough as you fiddled with your clothes and tired to make yourself look like you werent crying.

But kuroo wasnt so cruel to tease you while you were clearly upset, and he knew the reason why, “Y/n, I’m sorry-” He tried to tell you but you werent listening.

"I dont need you pity kuroo," You said rolling your eyes and leaving.

You didn’t have time to deal with another jerk. You thought you were done with them. Daichi was supposed to be a good guy. The one you could trust. The person that was going to make your life better.

But from what you just went through and that hollow feeling in your chest, you knew how wrong you were.

#daichi x y/n #daichi sawamura x reader #f.boy daichi sawamura #daichi sawamura #haikyuu daichi #daichi scenario #haikyuu daichi x you #haikyuu daichi x reader #daichi x you #daichi x reader #daichi sawamura x you

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virtual-luvr · 4 years

Text

Get ready for an explosion

Pairing: Peko x Reader

Pronouns: Gender neutral; they/them

Warnings: mentions and use of cigars, swords, and explosives. Some curse words here and there and the use of the word 'murdered'

Description: peko and fuyuhiko seem to need some help with a certain entrance and they decide maybe some dynamite and an expert can help

Note: ¡important to note the readers ultimate is that they work with explosives!

I couldnt find an actually name for it sorry, also this was requested!! thank you so much for requesting guys it means so much

Sorry if Peko is a bit ooc😔

----------------

Monokumas taunting giggles rang through out the room

I look around, inspecting the people around me, still wondering how we even got into this situation

"Hehe how about you kids explore the island!!" Once again he erupts into a fit of giggles, his words going through one of my ears and swiftly going through the other

I really didn't listen to him

Everyone was wary of eachother, some more tense then others

After a little while of talking most of us slipped into tiny groups

While each group went to the beach or any other place to hang out i actually took monokumas words and explored the island noticing how most entrances were locked

I try not to stray from the actual path of the island but something catches my eye

I see Fuyuhiko and Peko talking, they werent arguing or anything but it felt off to see Fuyuhiko not spewing different insults at somebody for once

I slowly but surely try to walk past them, trying to act like i didn't see anything

But suddenly i hear a voice behind me, calling out.

"(Y/N) over here"

I look back and Peko is waving at me moving her hand in a "come here" motion

I walk up to her and Fuyuhiko mumbles something I didnt quite catch but guessing him it was probobly another insult

"So we found something and since you work with explosives i thought maybe you could help us out somehow"

We trudge through the sand in silence, it wasnt the longest walk but my feet were a bit tired from walking around the whole island already

Peko points at something and i look up

Near the shore i see a big entrance to a cave, but it was blocked just like all the gates

I tilt my head to the side, looking at both Fuyuhiko and Peko

"What do you want me to do?"

"You idiot, we want you to open it up so we can see whats inside" Fuyuhiko says angrily at me

"First of all, shut up. Second of all, i work with explosives and i dont see any nearby how in the hell am i supposed to pry this open"

Peko sighs and looks at me, "theres dynamite nearby"

When she says that my eyes lit up, its as if i were a kid about to open my presents underneath the christmad tree all over again

"Where are they? Where did you find them? Are there a lot? How good are they??" I look all around me jumping and sprinting through the shore trying to find the percious dynamite

Fuyuhiko would have called me a stupid puppy because of my mannerisms but Peko stopped him before he could do anything

"Jackpot!" You yell

The two hadn't even noticed you had left their side and were shocked that your yell could be heard from where they were standing

The dynamite was quite far away from the cave

Before they could even think about helping you they see a figure running back towards them, almost sprinting if it werent for the big dynamite on their back

Your muscles straining you pant and try to blow the hair away from your face when you get back to them

"How-"

"Dont ask" Peko stops Fuyuhikos sentence, deciding its not even worth it asking how you got back so fadt, ESPECIALLY while carrying dynamite with you

You show a big grin even though you were out of breath, sweating, and panting.

"So how are we gunna blow this baby up?"

----------

Peko stands beside you looking down at the explosives while explaining her plan.

"What we're going to do is you place the dynamite and i will use this cigar and sword to light the fuse" she says suddenly

You jump back, "woah woah woah where did you get that??"

"Got it from the shop, its pretty dull but a rock can go a long way, i sharpened it"

You were a little skeptical of what she was going to do with that sword but either way you place the dynamite carefully

You take a few steps back and let Peko do all the other work.

She first cuts a bit off the fuse from the dynamite to make it shorter and wont take as long to blow up, then she takes the cigar and lites the fuse

She takes a few steps back to right beside you and Fuyuhiko

You guys tale cover and then you hear a loud 'boom' and see rocks hitting the floor all around you. The explosion probobly alerting the others but you payed no mind to it.

You also didnt pay mind to the loud ringing in your ears now, you were used to it by now. Plus you were so excited to work with explosives you didnt even care at this point.

When you were about to enter Fuyuhiko's voice stops you all in your tracks

"Im going to stay out here, you guys go in"

At this point you thought maybe you were about to be murdered, monokuma hadnt even given the first motive yet damnit.

But seeing as Peko left her sword outside with Fuyuhiko made you think you were safe now even if she might have something hidden in her pockets

But you decided to trust them and grab a lantern that Fuyuhiko had in his hands

You go in, cobwebs and dust making your allergies come to the surface and smeezing millions of times

You brush it off and Peko helps you light up the lantern

You walk around, there wasnt much besides insects here and there and different passages running from left to right

Since the silence was killing you a bit you decided to start conversation

You clear your thraot, "Why were you and Fuyuhiko together?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just didnt think Fuyuhiko would be one to try and be friends with someone, especially because of the circumstances we're in right now"

You suddenly pause and stop moving, the only sound that can be heard is the fire crackling and weird echoes from inside the cave.

"Wait, are you guys...dating??"

She suddenly stops in her tracks and looks back at you, a sudden laugh erupting from her

"Me and Fuyuhiko?? Are you kidding me?"

The sudden realisation of what you just said hit you and now you were just a tiny bit embarrased for saying something so absurd

A blush erupts on your face, painting your cheeks and ears red. You nervously chuckle and put your free hand on the back of your neck, rubbing it trying to soothe your now, very knowable, embarrassment.

'Well atleast i made her laugh' you say in your head

Peko notices your embarrasment and tries to explain, "no me and Fuyuhiko arent together. We were just talking about the entrance and how we could get in and then we saw you"

"O-oh" you stutter, still a little embarrased and lookind down

"Well, thanks for letting me help you it was nice hanging out with you, i wont lie about that"

She seems a little shocked at that confession but she just smiles and blushes a little

You wont lie, you were a little scared of hanging out with people like them, Fuyuhiko and Peko, they seemed pretty closed off

But seeing Peko give you a warm smile and seeing her head tilt, you thought maybe, maybe this is the start of something good

[1353 words; august/2/2020]

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idjitlili · 4 years

Text

Heat of the moment

Thorin x reader

As requested on quotev , by a lovely reader, they wanted more thorin so here you are.

Summary: you end up in middle earth , only to fall for the dwarven king.

N/o/p= number of pillows Chips= fries , we British here, plus in lotr Sam calls them chips so that's how it's gonna be. Fries are skinny chips. Word count:2673

It was a day in July , well night you had fell asleep in your bed in your room on your n/o/p ,nice and toasty. You had been dreaming about eating a nice bunch of chips , golden thick potatoes. They tasted like keanu reeves love in a potato. oh how you wish to real live that, but you were roughly awoke by something prickly poking you. "Five more minutes ,mummy /mommy/mama." You groaned as the thing stopped poking you, you felt rough ground stabbing your back as you rolled over.

You felt under you with your left hand to only to feel your mattress sheet not your mattress , and just your fluffy blanket you used in the summer instead of the duvet somethings. You slowly opened your eyes , as the bright light hit your eyes , causing you to groan again rubbing your eyes to make them focus. When you opened them again you were faced with a bunch of short men and an old man and an even shorter man. You look at them wide eye, as hatted dwarf held a stick that poked you they look at you in confusion some held weapons.

"Why are you in my room?!" You had almost shouted , grabbing a pillow holding it up in defence,you looked pretty bad,what you gonna do braid eachothers hair and have a pillow fight. Its only lucky that you had put your new pair of shoes in their box on the other side of your bed ,with socks so you could cherish them. Well be ready for the next day,to wear them inside.Little did you know would be travelling with these short men,due to the wizards say so. "uh,lass this is the forest." the short man with the stick and hat had spoken up causing you to gasp when noticed you were in a forest,and so was your bed,you could ony come up with answer to this mess...

"HElp! I've been kidnapped." you had shouted,remove your blanket pulling on your socks and shoes ,standing up,before you can run the majestic hair dwarf shouts. "circle her lads," and with that a barrier of short men surround you. You stood on your bedding ,luckily in clean shoes ,and your night clothes aka a strappy top,with your favourite tv show characters on it,and the shorts that come with,and yeah they are short. You were exposed by strange men ,and you didnt like that,your bust on show and yours ass if you bent over. Thats what she said.

You picked up your blanket ,placing the pillow down,wrapping it around you ,to cover youself. "what do you want from me?" you had spoke anooyed by the sitution,though the majestic man was quite the looker,if you were honest."your the only that fell out of the sky,what do you want?" A short ginger one had growled ,pissed off."what Gloin is trying to say is that we never touched you ,Dwalin was on watch when you fell ,we do not know how you didnt wake up from the impact." the shoretest man that reminded you very much of John waston from sherlock.

You didnt know what to think of the sitution ,then the man that was apparently a wizard spoke to you and the majestic man privately,saying that he was going to try get you home ,after you admitted you never had heard of Rohan ,or erebor or middle earth,concluding you werent from this world. So basically the wizard you know as now Gandalf is forcing this other dude who is a dwarf , a dwarf! Can you believe it? on this journey to reclaim his home ,he wasnt impressed but soon enough he agreed.

Gandalf had forced the company to stop at a small village :so he could buy you clothes,a tooth brush,cleaning supplies and womanly products,you had thanked him dearly. You now wore ,your small trainers with these legging pants and a tunic plus a coat but it was too hot for that right now,during the day anyways. Then you all were back on the road ,and you would have to share a pony with one of the dwarves,which ended up with you sharing with Thorin's youngest nephew.

It didnt take much for you to lift yourself up on the pony,well actually you just swung your leg up and boom you sat upon it as kili mounts behind you struggling a bit. "damn ,miss y/n those are some long legs." he had smirked from behind ,you felt like he was going to be doing a lot of flirting. "uh yeah ,puberty does that sometimes." you spoke gripping the rains of the pony lightly,as the company began to move.your coat in your new bag on the side of the pony hanging,leaving you in your tunic and pants,kili pushed at against you back,one arm around your waist.

"I would sure love to get lost in them." his grip tightened a little,as fili laughed at his brothers remark,your face screwed up."..uh...how long do dwarves live generally?" you questioned,to anyone in ear range. "around 200-250 years ,lassie." Bofur spoke up behind you ,you hummed in response. "and how old are you kili?" Thorin was listening in on the conversation as the whole company had went silent to hear it too. "77." he was confused at what you were gettingat ,he was a little scared even.

"right so the average human lives for 80 years ,right. So if you was to date or court me ,i'll be dead before you mature." bilbo laughed at you ,with some of the others. "what are you getting at?" he stated his face like pink with embarrassment. "if i was to get with any dwarf ,they would be older."you had smirked thinking of someone in mind,Thorin smiled to himself only Dwalin was able to see,he smirked at him,for Thorin to give him a look which almost told him to drop it. Which he didnt later he would tease him.

Thorin had grew to like you more than a member of his company,in the past couple of weeks ,as did you he was very attractive how could you not. Now you were in Rivendell,in which Elrond had supplied the company with food as he talked to andalf about you.It concluded he had no idea how this could happen and then later they would talk to lady galadriel about it. she didnt have a clue,except galadriel thought there was a reason you were brought to this world and you should carry on with the company.

After that you had been led to your room,which had a bloody bath,oh my you were so glad about. Once you had finish you had wrapped a single towel around your body,going to get dressed ,at this point it was late at night everyone would have been asleep by now.However before you could even dress,your bag was gone,with all your clothes ,and an elf had taken your dirty ones when you had gotten in the bath. You had no clue what to do,you would not go to sleep naked in the elves guest bed,not that they werent clean,youjust never know whos been in there or done what.

You decided the best thing to do was go wondering around until you found someone,just in a towel and your shoes,wet hair sticking to your skin ,making you shiver. Opening the beautiful carved pine door,quietly ,before shutting it behind you walking down the hall. It was more than cold out in the hall,your room had a fire lit by the same elf that took your clothes. In honesty you knew you have to go ask onee of the dwarves if they had a spare tunic or something;but that was an incredibly awkward and emabarrassing.If you went fili he would tell kili and then they would tease you,kili would tell everyone how those legs looked in just his tunic,you didnt want it to happen and you didnt want them laughing at you.

Thorin.

You felt like you could trust him,but you felt like if he saw you like this he would never like you back,and you had developed big feelings for him. Even though you barely spoke,he would check on you regularly not when the others where around,when bathing in the rivers he would stand watch, Apparently just incase you drown ,or the others especially his nephews tried peeking or you got attacked. Some how he would know when you got your period he take your watch ,lay hot stones in your bed ,he even made you tea.Dwalin would grin,knowing his bestfriend deeply cared for the human from another world. Damn Thorin and those thic-

you were so deep in thought you didnt notices a figure walk out thier door as you walked down the hall,causing you crash into them. You had lost grip of the towel ,only for the figure to pull you against them holding the back of the towel up,pulling around your sides. You gasped,scared the figure had seen your breasts,but their actions were so sonic speed they hadnt and you were pressed against their muscular chest. You had looked up to see Thorin ,your eyes had widened,you had taken the sides of the towel wrapping around yourself again ,as Thorin looked away. "I-im so sorry." you had spoken stuttering slightly,looking at the floor,before going to walk away,but Thorin had gripped your arm stopping you. "what are doing out here,y/n,in just a towel." he had asked sternly,he thought you were to no good,if you get me,and he was not impressed.

"uh..well.um I had a bath went to get dressed but my bag was gone,so it turns out they had told me that they were going to gift me stuff..but they must have used it for my measurements,okay so I dont know.All i do know is I am search of something to wear,Its freezing." you spoke still not sure on your own words,it didnt seem right that the elves would take all your clothes. "stupid bloody elves,just leave you naked to freeze to death.I have some spare clothes if you need them." he hated the elves more that they had taken your belonging ,yet didnt he liked the way your hair fell once wet and the shine on your skin from the now cold water.

You had nodded eagerly ,he hadled you into his room,guiding you to sit down in the chair next to the fire,whilst he got you cllothes.He had came back with only only his dark blue tunic,handing it to you."I'm sorry ,my spare trousers are currents drying since kili decided to jumped on me covering me in mud like a dog." he spoke turning around allowing you to dress quickly infront of the fire,you let out a small giggle. "its fine,you have helped me so much,i would be laughed at if i had ran into anyone else. Doesnt matter what anyone else says you are very nice dude. thank you so much,goodnight." you had hugged him,he stood there a little taken back at your words hugging you back wishing you goodnight as you went back to your room.

He had watched you leave ,he like seeing you in his tunic,which only reached barely your mid thigh. He knew he wouldnt be sleeping soon,he was glad you bumped into him and not anyone else,he already thought you were beautiful from your personality but now you were bodacious.

In the morning your clothes still hadnt turned up,and an elf had knocked informing you for breakfast ,so you had no choice but to try sort your hair and go to breakfast in just a tunic and shoes.You looked like you were really at home and sorta a whore. Not that it was your fault at all. You had walked there crossing your arms looking down ,mulitple gasps were heard as you arrived.You had quickly sat down to the closest open sit which turns out was next to Thorin. "lass where are your clothes?"

"yeah you are practially naked."

"damn those legs bend over for me." kili had smirked saying the second,only to be kicked hard under the table by thorin ,who you sent a smile to him thanking him.

"treat her with some respect,shes not some bloody toy." Thorin had spat angrily at his nephew ,who looked down in embarrassment. "BAHAHAH YOU MUST BE SO EMBARRASSED." You were tempted to say,pointing at him while laughinghysterically at him,sound like someone? yeah i would show you a picture but he stands to still I cant see him."im sorry ,miss y/n," he spoken sincerely towards you. "itsfine,dont worry about it." you had stated you were embarrassed by the sitution too.

After a few minutes Dwalin decided to break the silence,"lass where are your clothes,seriously?" he asked,he knew that wasnt your shirt.Damn the elves appart from elrond ,and Lindir looked at you in disgust. "uh well,I actually dont know,i got of the bath and then asked couldnt find my bag anywhere." you spoke looking at the fruits that sat infront of you,eating a piece of mellon. "oh miss y/n,i had an extra bag in mine and kili's room,i didnt know where it was from. I'll go get it,it must be yours." and with that fili rushed off to get it fpr you,soon returning passing it to as you place it on the floor. "thank you,fili.2 he had sent you a smile that reminded you deeply of seth rogen ,you couldnt help but picture him as seth rogen if you thought of him,you didnt know why.

And with that everyone was back to eating breakfast;oh what until someone questioned you again. "wait is that uncles tunic?" kili had questioned you ,causing a small blush to apear on your face,you nod going back to eating.Fili and Kili snickered,you looked up glaring at them wanting to know what was so funny. "did you happen to stay with him last night.?" and with that they burst out laughing again ,now with bofur. "are you still tight about me not wanting you to get lost in my legs?hm" you had spoke annoyed ,causing bilbo to luagh,gandalf smirking at you.kili and fili stopped laughing,kili just blushed again. "nothing did happen,but I would mostly definitly enjoy having him in my legs." and with that you got up ,crouching down to grab your bag before heading to your to your room.

Only for Thorin to run after you,you were about to walk into your room,only to be smashed into the wall,lips pressed roughly against yours,you knew who it was from his beard ,and his strength. Your legs wrapped tightly around his waist,as his hands cupped your bare bottom gently,before taking you into your room. In the end you did get a proper apology from kili and life was swell.

that was until,HEAT OF THE MOMENT 'rise and shine y/n' joking joking.

Turns out your purpose in middle earth was to save Thorin and his nephews,

idk what happened it went pretty shit.

#the hobbit x reader #the hobbit imagine #thorin the dwarf #thorin oakenshield #thorin x reader #thorin x you #thorin imagine #hobbit x reader #hobbit imagines #hobbit imagine #the hobbit imagines

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flobro · 3 years

Text

Omovember 2020

Day One - In a Vehicle

Kageyama x Reader

Kageyama’s PoV

Could i get any stupider?

In the rush of Hinata, Y/n and I finishing our tests, scrambling into Tanaks sisters car and setting off immediately for Tokyo I hadnt had time to pee.

Hinata was sat in the front passenger seat as Y/n and I were in the back of the car.

To make matters even worse, i had a huge crush on Y/n and the nerves of sitting next to her were bugging my bladder even more.

I tried to keep my breathing steady because i knew that if i panicked things would only get even worse for my nerves.

I wasnt too desperate yet but the need was still there. We had only been driving for about ten minuets so i definitely couldnt ask how much longer we had to drive yet otherwise everyone would definitely know something was wrong with me.

I crossed my legs which seemed to ease the pressure a little bit and made everything a bit more bearable and i tried to focus my mind on anything but my need to pee.

I jumped slightly as Y/n tapped my shoulder five minuets later and i felt my bladder twinge slightly, making me squeeze my thighs together as descretely as i could.

‘Whats up?’ I asked Y/n, who sent me a stunning smile.

‘You look bored, you wanna listen to some music with me?’ She asked, holding out one of her earbuds to me.

I nodded and shakily grabbed the headphone, ‘Yeah, thanks.’

She just nodded, ‘No problem!’

We had to shuffle slightly closer to eachother so that the earphones could reach to both of our ears and i couldnt help but notice how my seatbelt uncomfortablely pressed down onto my bladder, making my desperation go from a 4/10 to a 7/10.

Hinata and Saeko (Tanakas sister) were chatting happily about volleyball and the tiny giant in the front seats and i was glad that they werent focused on me because then i would feel even more pressured.

Another fifteen minuets had passed and I had tried my best to get lost in Y/n’s music but now my bladder was almost at its maximum capacity and i was beginning to shuffle around a bit, squeezing my thighs together as tight as possible.

Y/n looked at me and yanked the headphone wire, making them fall out of both of our ears.

Y/n went closer to my ear and whispered, ‘Hey, are you okay? You seem uncomfortable?’

My body shivered at the feeling of her breath on my skin and it relaxed my body for a second, making a bit of urine leak out of me.

I gasped and crammed my hands onto my crotch, tensing my body up again, stopping the flow as fast as i possibly could.

Y/n’s eyes widened in realisation and i blushed a deep red, hiding my face away from her, waiting for her to tell me how disgusting and gross i am.

But she didnt...

Instead, she placed a hand comfortingly on my shoulder, her touch making my heart rate speed up even more.

‘Is there anything i can do to help you?’ She whispered to me once again, continuing to keep her voice low so Saeko and Hinata wouldnt ask questions.

I shook my head and tried to calm myself down. There was no way in hell that i was gonna show myself up in front of the girl i like by acting like a four year old.

‘N-no,’ I said, trying to act as calm as possible, ‘Im f-fine dont worry.’

She didnt look like she believed me so i slowly removed my hands from between my legs to try and prove that i wasnt as desperate as it seemed.

Bad idea.

As soon as i took my hands away, another bit of urine left me and i gasped once again, putting my hands back onto my crotch.

This time the flow was harder to control and i knew that there was a 99% chance that there would be a wet patch on my shorts.

Saeko and Hinata must have heard me gasp because their conversation stopped abruptly.

‘You okay back there?’ Sakeo asked and i felt my throat dry up.

Hinata began to turn around to look at us and Y/n and I both panicked, knowing he would see my obvious state of desperation.

Y/n suddenly unclipped her seatbelt and laid accross my lap gently, covering up my crossed legs and hiding my odd hand placement.

Her arm momentarily dug into my stomach, pressing on my overfilled bladder, forcing a two second stream of urine out of me which i painfully cut off, knowing that my boxers were almost fully soaked now.

‘How come your laid down, Y/n?’ Hinata asked her and she sighed.

‘I just feel a bit car sick,’ She said, ‘Do you know how long it will be until we get to Tokyo?’

*Slick* I thought to myself. She had somehow managed to cover up the fact i was about to pee myself AND had a good reason to ask how long it would take until we would arrive.

Hinata frowned, ‘Oh thats not good, i hope you feel better soon!’ and turned back around to look out of the front window.

‘We will arrive in half an hour but were gonna be on this stretch of road for another twenty minuets and wont see another place to stop for a while.’ Saeko said, sounding worried about Y/n.

Y/n frowned at me and sat up again, ‘Okay dont worry, im feeling a bit better after lying down but when we come across a place to stop it would be nice to be stationary for a while.’

Saeko chuckled slightly, ‘Okie dokie! Ill keep that in mind for you!’

Y/n mustve seen the tears in my eyes and my expression showing that i had completely lost hope as she placed an arm around my shoulders, hugging my side for a second before whispering, ‘Sorry i couldnt help you much. Dont stress out, we’ll find a stop for you. You’ll be okay.’

I got butterflies in my stomach from her touch but i ignored them, not wanting to focus on anything else other than holding myself in.

Y/n clipped herself back into her seat and I decided that i would have to speak up. Y/n already knew and Saeko wouldnt make fun of me. Surely i could just scare Hinata into keeping his mouth shut too.

‘C-can you drive a-any faster?’ I shakily asked, panic evident in my voice, ‘I r-really need t-the bathroom.’

Saeko immediately sped the car up, ‘Ill drive as fast as i can. We’ll reach a stop in about fifteen minuets. Can you last?’

I felt a single tear roll down my cheek, feeling pathetic and stupid, ‘I... I d-dont know!’

‘Its usually me who need to pee.’ Hinata said from his seat, making me bubble with anger.

‘S-shut up idiot! This i-isnt funny!’ I growled at him, unable to make my voice any louder.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, putting all my energy into keeping my muscles tensed as much as i possibly could.

My eyes widened as my body began to relax itsself against my will.

‘No... NO.. NO!’ I panicked, ‘YOU N-NEED TO PULL THE C-CAR OVER!’

Saeko quickly turned the wheel and brought the car to the side of the road and i unclipped my seatbelt, threw the door open, and scrambled out of the car.

As soon as i got out i immediately crumbled onto the floor, my legs giving out underneath me as my lap began to feel warm.

Wow. I had really gone and done it hadnt i? I pissed myself in front of my senpais sister, annoying volleyball partner AND my crush. Could it have been any worse?

My shorts were completely soaked and a puddle had began to grow around me. I couldnt even bring myself to try and stop it because my body felt so weak.

No amount of embarassment would ever compare to what i was feeling in that moment. I didnt even want to begin to imagine what Saeko, Hinata and Y/n were thinking of me.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and i kept my head down so no one would be able to see my face.

It took at least a minute for my bladder to fully empty. I felt so pathetic and dumb but there was nothing i could do other than just sit there and wait for myself to be finished.

A pair of shoes came into my line of vision and i looked up slowly to see Y/n with her hand stretched out to me, offering to help me up.

I looked away from her quickly, my voice barely above a whisper, ‘You s-shouldnt touch m-me. Im a-all gross. Even m-my hands.’

She crouched down and placed a hand on my cheek, wiping away one of my tears and making me look up at her, my face even redder.

‘I dont care. Dont stress about it okay? Its a human need. There wasnt anything you could do to avoid it.’ She said in a calm and genuine voice.

I nodded and she grabbed my slightly damp hand. I glanced at her face and she want even slightly disgusted.

I stood up and Y/n kept her hand laced with mine.

We got back into the car, I was sat on a towel. Saeko said that she didnt mind and strangely Hinata hadnt even mentioned it which i was thankful for. Although everyone was being very calm and unaffected by it, i still felt mortified.

Y/n suddenly lent over to me to whisper in my ear one last time, ‘Dont worry about it so much. Ill always have a crush on you.’

My face reddened as i looked at her, ‘I h-have a c-crush on you too.’

Y/n giggled, ‘I guess that makes me your girlfriend then.’

~~~~~~~~~~

hey guys !!

this was my first time writing an omofic so i hope you liked it !!!

~ flobro

#animeomo #omorashi #kageyamaomo #haikyuuomo #kageyamaxreader #haikyuuxreader #haikyuuxreaderomo #y/n #hinatashoyo #kageyamatobio #fanfiction #omofic #omorashifanfiction #pee #fictomo #theres not enough haikyuu x reader omo #PLEASE MAKE MORE HAIKYUU X READER OMO #omovember

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wintersxsoul · 5 years

Text

The Night We Danced

Summary: Two dorks in love that have to wait to get drunk to confess their feelings.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Maybe some language, drunk people and I think mentions of sex??

A/N: This is my entry for my dearest @writingsoftheloser 1k historical writing challenge! I got the Victorian Era, so I came up with this longass nonsense. I hope you enjoy and as always, feedback and reblogs are free and make me really happy and motivated <3

Bucky Barnes was a dancer.

He sometimes had flashes of his old life in the late 30’s and 40’s, long summer nights dancing with beautiful dames, little Stevie by his side laughing and stepping in the ladies’ shoes. Everything was much more simpler, happier, but war happened and the dances turned into battles, the warm hands that he was used to hold became rifles and glocks. The jazzy tunes turned into gunfire, dates turned into risky missions and the thought of a long happy life turned into dust when he fell off that train.

Bucky Barnes stopped being a dancer to be a soldier, a spy, a deadly assassin.

They had taken all he was away, all his memories, his hopes and dreams. Everything was wiped but not his motor skills or knowledge. They turned him into the most efficient soldier, cold and calculating, his only motive in life was completing his missions. He had killed mercilessly, not questioning even once who was in front of the gun, he just knew he had to pull the trigger.

Everything changed the moment Steve Rogers, his best friend since childhood, found him 70 years after being used and tortured. Steve saved him from the claws of Hydra and gave him the opportunity to gain back his own self, to finally give his life meaning again.

His life changed drastically when he joined the Avengers, he could use his unrequired skills to help people, to save lives. He had his closest friends, Steve of course, Sam, Nat and then he met you. Once he was able to recover almost all his memories, he had a long heartfelt conversation with Natasha since she had suffered in similar ways. The brainwashing, the body killing training, the horrors of the Cold War and the cruelty of the Red Room.

You and Nat were inseparable, both becoming SHIELD agents the same year. You were a freelance hitwoman, both of your missions were to kill the same target. But before you could kill each other, SHIELD stepped in and rescued both of you, seeing your potential and the ability to do the missions other agents weren’t able to. When Bucky first came to the compound, you were away because your last mission went badly and it almost killed you, so Fury and Steve decided it was better for you to lay low for a while. Months went by and Bucky’s curiosity only grew, he really wanted to meet you, since everyone talked about you like you were an angel. When the time came to finally meet you, everything he ever heard about you was not nearly accurate to him. You were as much of a mystery as Nat, but unlike her, you opened up to him fastly, trusting him blindly. You both held each other on your worst nights and were also there for the other when you needed a good laugh.

You could have never imagined that the infamous Winter Soldier could be such an absolute dork with such a pure heart and soul. At first he was a bit sulky and moody, he was like a ghost around the compound, but months of therapy and help from his friends turned him into the man he was today, the man you loved deeply, even though you lied to yourself trying to make it seem like a platonic feeling. For years you remained as best friends, until the masquerade ball Tony organized for Natasha’s birthday.

“So, what are your plans for the party?” You asked Bucky nonchalantly while you looked for costume designers online. He looked up from his book and shrugged, he really didn’t know what you meant but he knew you would elaborate. You closed your laptop and placed it on your nightstand, all your attention on your friend now. You laid across the bed, resting your head on his lap. You were staring at the ceiling so you totally missed Bucky’s adoring gaze.

“Well, apart from getting hammered with Thor’s Asgardian alcohol, I don’t really know.” You rolled your eyes internally at his comment. You laid on your stomach so you could face him, your chin resting on your hands on top of his chest.

“Obviously you are doing that, but it’s not what I meant.” Bucky chuckled and you rolled your eyes. You weren’t sure about asking him to be your partner, maybe he was planning on going with someone else, maybe he wanted to go on his own. You cleared your throat while reaching out to fiddle with the laces of his hoodie nervously.

“Are you going with someone?” He frowned, realizing that you didn’t assume (like he did) that you were going together. Maybe you were planning to go with a date? He knew it had been more than a year since you had dated someone so maybe you wanted to use the party as an excuse to do so?

“What you mean with someone? I d-”

“You should ask Sarah from Forensics, I’ve heard she has a huge crush on you. She’s sooo soft and pretty. I have her number if you wa-”

“Okay, Y/n stop right there. I am not going with Sarah or with anyone else but you.” His eyes widened at his own boldness but he quickly found a logical explanation.

“I mean, we always go together to this kind of shitty parties we both dread. But if you are going with someone else is fine.”

“Yeah, yeah I just thought that maybe you wanted to go with an actual date and not your best friend.” He tousled your hair and you whined jokingly. He mumbled “dork” and you stuck your tongue out.

“My best friend is pretty cool and when she gets drunk the party starts, so I am not missing that for Sarah from Forensics.”

“Oh god James, and I am the dork? You absolute dumbass.” You shook your head in amusement and sat on the bed, putting your disheveled hair in a low ponytail. You slapped him lightly on the right shoulder and got down of the bed, gathering your stuff.

“I can’t stand to see that beautiful stupid face right now, I have to look for a fucking dress. You better wear something in dark red cause, you know it-”

“it’s my color” he mocked you using a high pitched tone of voice and laughed at the face of disgust you jokingly pulled off.

“Fuck you.”

“Why don’t you f-” His sentence was cut off by the bang of his door closing but you already knew what he said. You rolled your eyes and made your way to Nat’s room since you needed to organize shopping days and all that stuff.

Bucky Barnes was a dancer and fortunately he still had some moves, but waltzing was out of his league. He knew what a masquerade was of course, so the fact that he had to learn how to dance a completely different style was...frightening to say the least. He talked about it with Steve so they both were headed now to a masterclass while their dates were out shopping. Nat had asked Steve as her date because she wanted to go with his best friend. Their friendship was the most platonic you’ve ever seen and watching them flirt and banter was the highlight of your days. Nat was a fantastic dancer of course, she used to be a fucking ballerina, so she offered to teach you some moves. She was the only one who actually knew your feelings towards Bucky because you had confessed them one night you had drank your weight in vodka and when you saw Bucky’s text asking you to please be careful, you laughed and told her. You didn’t remember that conversation and when Natasha tried to ask you, she realized she shouldn’t bring up the topic until you were ready to believe it yourself.

“Ooof Nat, should I really buy this expensive dress?” You asked her while checking yourself out in the mirror. The dress was absolutely stunning, made of a dark red taffeta or a similar material, short sleeved and a beautiful v-neck, not very revealing but enough to make your babies pop. The bodice hugged your curves and the skirt was puffy.

“Listen, Stark is paying for everything, that includes our dresses. So yes, you are going to buy it.” She stood up and lead you back to the changing room so she could purchase both of your dresses.

Steve sighed heavily at Bucky’s complaints. They’d been dancing for four hours straight and they weren’t getting any better, or at least that’s what they thought. Bucky really couldn’t believe he had been dragged into this mess just because he loved getting drunk with you under any circumstances.

“Come on Buck, don’t worry. You two will probably be too drunk to even stand, why bother so much in learning this shit?” Bucky rolled his eyes and nudged his friend on the shoulder.

“Listen pal, I wanna do this right. You know how much I love dancing so this is just an excuse to learn something new.” He could almost believe his own lie, but Steve knew better. He knew Bucky better than himself, so he obviously knew the unspoken thing that was going on between two of his best friends.

“Okay buddy, whatever you say. I just hope Y/n appreciates all this instead of laughing at you like Sam and Nat are probably going to do.” He muttered something to himself and left the room without saying a word.

“Fucking idiots, I hope they fuck soon.” Steve said to himself before turning around and smiling at the dance teacher.

“Let’s do this Janet, I have a very dangerous woman to impress tonight.”

“I really, really, really, really regret the day I gave you access to come into my room whenever you want to.” You told Bucky, who was laying on your bed on his stomach, his face buried in the pillows. You slumped next to him and buried your face in the pillows as well. You really thought you looked like idiots but you couldn’t care less.

“Can we stay here? We can watch one of those victorian romantic movies you love and get wasted on our own.”

“You know I would love to, but Nat would kill us. Besides, you hate those movies.”

“I was just trying to persuade you Barnes, you don’t need to be so rude.” You stood up and opened your first drawer, pulling out the two masks you had bought throwing Bucky’s to his head and he responded with a fake “ouch”. He sat on the bed and looked at you amused, the small mask in his hands.

“And you have the nerve to call me rude. I already have my mask and I won’t show it to you until tonight.”

“Wow, sorry for thinking about you and your shitty memory, old man.”

“You know what Y/n? I’ll see you tonight before I throw myself out of that balcony.” You giggled at his fake tantrum. You really loved your friendship with Bucky, because even though you were always joking around each other, you had your backs. He was always there and so were you.

“You want me to walk you to your room?” He frowned at you but his eyes widened when he realized what you were about to say, but you said it before he could cut you off. “In case you don’t remember where your room is at.”

“That was one time Y/n, please let it go.”

“Never.” And with that said, he left. You giggled remembering the first night you two got drunk together. It was the first time Bucky had tried Thor’s alcohol so he was excited to finally get drunk after all those decades. He drank by himself almost three flasks and encouraged you to drink a bottle of vodka on your own, so at 6 am, you were stumbling through your room floor because Bucky had forgotten where his own room was, so he wanted to sleep at yours.

You took a last look at yourself in your mirror and placed the mask in its place. It was a shame that Bucky had decided not to wear the mask you’d bought for him, but his taste was pretty great so you knew it was going to be amazing.

When you reached the party the place was already full of people. Everyone was dancing to the slow melodies or drinking at the bar. You noticed that Tony had removed all the furniture from the room so it looked like a grand dance hall, the usual modern lamps he owned were replaced by huge golden crystal chandeliers, the windows were covered by thick curtains that looked like the ones European palaces had. The cream and golden tones of all the decoration gave a really regal look to the party, the soft glow of the candles in the bar and the sound of champagne glasses relaxed your senses.

You fixed your long silk gloves and sighed, moving through the crowd towards the bar, where Nat stood chatting with who you assumed it was Steve, Sam was behind the counter pouring alcohol to his half empty glass.

“You mind filling this lady’s glass?” Sam smirked and you winked at him. He raised his eyebrow under his cream and red mask and he took out a tall glass.

“What would the lady like to drink?” He rested both of his palms in the counter, looking at you with an amused look in his eyes.

“Vodka on the rocks, s'il vous plait.” You heard Nat choke on her drink and Steve turned to look at you while Sam just poured your drink, a smile playing on his lips.

“Aren’t we starting a bit early, Y/n? Your date is not even here.” You shrugged at Sam’s comment and took the glass when he handed it.

“Since you all seemed so surprised with my drinking choices, I’m going. I need an unjudging friend right now.” You waved your hand gracefully and moved towards the centre, trying to find Bucky. After five minutes and an empty glass, you saw his bulking figure talking to some woman. You needed a moment to gather your thoughts because he looked absolutely sinful with the outfit he was wearing. The black pants marked all his muscles, specially his thighs, those fucking thighs that drove you insane and his ass...you shook your head trying to stop your mind. You needed another drink.

“Wow look who’s back and empty handed!” Steve said to the small group. You nudged him in the ribs and asked Sam for another glass of alcohol.

“Why are you this flustered Y/n?” Nat asked you when she noticed your flushed cheeks. You fixed your mask trying to hide your nervousness and failing miserably.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your three friends shared a knowing look and you rolled your eyes, finishing your drink in two sips and encouraged by the burning liquid, you went to where Bucky was. You could now see his whole outfit perfectly and your heart swelled. He was wearing a black ruffled shirt with a black and dark red embroidered vest and a black tail coat. His face was covered by a simple half Venetian mask, decorated with the same colors as the outfit’s. He was chatting with some agent you couldn’t recognize and you felt a pang of jealousy at how he was looking at her, smiling and touching her. At that moment you realized the alcohol was kicking in and that’s why you were having those stupid thoughts. You approached your friend and placed your gloved hand to his shoulder, indicating him that you were besides him and waiting for him to pay attention to you. You catched a part of the conversation and they were talking about one of the last missions the undercover agents did, so after a court nod from Bucky and a brief goodbye from her, his eyes were on you.

“Well, look at you!” He smiled at you warmly and you felt something flip inside you. “How did you recognize me?”

“Oh boy, you can mask that face all you want but you can’t mask those thighs.” You smirked and he started laughing at your comment, making you feel proud of your wittiness.

“How drunk are you already?” You brought your hand up between your bodies and pressed your thumb and index together whispering “a little” so only he could hear it.

“Lucky for you, I drank almost a flask, so that makes us dangerous already. Wanna dance?” He extended his hand and you took it accepting his invitation. You suddenly felt really nervous since it was the first time you were going to slow dance with him but unbeknown to you, Bucky Barnes felt sick due to his nerves. He wanted this to work, he wanted to show you and the world that he was still capable of being a soft person, not this cold calculative soldier with a dark past.

The feeling of his hand on your waist and your other hands intertwined was intoxicating you, your bodies pressed together, the only thing between you two were your clothes. You spinned around the room for what felt like eternity, time for you had stopped and everyone had disappeared.

You burst the small bubble you were both in saying you needed a drink, Bucky stopped swaying you and with your hands still intertwined, went to the empty bar.

“I’ve always loved the Victorian Era, you know?” He said while giving you a glass full of vodka, and took a sip of his flask. “The clothes, the courting, the chivalry and all that fuss.” He smiled sadly at you thinking that you wouldn’t notice.

“If you could, would you go back in time and stay?”

He took another sip, now longer, and shook his head. “Of course not, you wouldn’t be there.” He blurted out without thinking and you just giggled at the comment.

“Oh Barnes, don’t be so dramatic. I’m sure you would make good friends there as well.” You gave him a sincere smile and he shook his head again, taking another sip of the flask, this time a long one. You looked down at your glass and twirled the straw, looking at how the ice cubes collided with each other.

“I love you.” You jerked your head up and maybe it was the alcohol clouding your mind or the denial of your own feelings, but you didn’t notice his intense gaze, filled with love and adoration.

“And I love you too, you idiot. As my best friend, you should know that already.” You placed your lips around the straw and finished the whole drink, Bucky still looking at you shocked that you rejected his feelings without you noticing.

“No, Y/n, what I mean is that I’m-”

“You are what, Barnes?” Nat cut Bucky off and you threw yourself into her arms, kissing her face and wishing her a happy birthday. “I missed you, Nat. Where were you?” You started talking to her totally ignoring your friend, who got that as his cue to leave the party. He would never blame you for not feeling the same or not even noticing his feelings, that was totally on him, but he didn’t feel well enough to stay in the party. He knew you wanted him there, to get drunk together and then both of you ending up throwing up in the sink and the toilet, but tonight he needed to breathe, he needed to get out of the crowd.

“Hey, where is going Bucky?” Asked Steve while he approached Nat and you. You frowned and looked at the entrance, catching a glimpse of Bucky’s broad shoulders and hair leaving the party. “I’ll be back in a sec.” You said and stumbled down the bar stool, heading towards the entrance half running.

“We both know they are not coming back, right?” Steve said to Nat, a strong nod and a sigh answered his comment.

You ran as fast as your drunken state let you but before you could notice you slipped with the dress and fell.

“FUCK” You screamed to the empty hall and took off your heels and gloves, standing up trying not to fall again on your ass. Bucky was nowhere to be seen so you headed to his room, your head spinning due to the alcohol.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky startled you, making you lose balance but he caught you before you could fall again.

“I was just checking that you got to your room safely, since you know, you get lost and all that.” You laughed at his fake hurt expression and straightened your clothes. You noticed that he had taken off his mask and that you were still wearing yours. “Why did you leave?”

“I’m feeling a bit sick, I think I drank too mu-”

“James, if you don’t tell me what the fuck is wrong I’ll torture you until you do. The drinking excuse is the worst you could’ve used with me.”

Bucky sighed defeated, he knew he had to get it off his chest, after three years carrying this on his own, he needed to let the words out, he needed you to know. He reached for the laces of your mask and took it off, placing a strand of hair behind your ear and cupping your cheek.

“I love you, Y/n.” You rolled your eyes in fake annoyance just to mess up with him.

“Baby, we already established that I lov-”

“Y/n, you are not listening. I am in love with you. I want to be your best friend, your lover, your partner in crime and your drunk buddy.”

You stared at him wide eyed, not knowing what to answer or to do. He caressed your cheek with his thumb and you gasped at the feeling, making Bucky think that you were rejecting the act. You stopped him from moving his hand and he leaned in, his lips brushing yours lightly.

“Either you kiss me or I faint, so make a m-” And just like that, his lips crashed against yours with a passion and hunger you’ve never felt in your entire life. He pressed you against the door, the stupid huge dress stopping you from feeling anything. Your brain finally woke up and you realized what was going on. Bucky Barnes loved you, he was in love with you. And you were in love with him. You pulled away and stopped him, making him step backwards scared that he did something you didn’t want to.

“You love me?” You really asked him, thinking that maybe your brain was betraying you. He nodded and looked away, not wanting to see the rejection in your eyes.

“Hey coward, look at me.” You held his chin and forced him to look at you. “I love you too, always have. I was just too damn scared to admit it to even myself.” He smiled and kissed you again, this time slower, pouring every ounce of love he had for you in the kiss.

“What now?” He asked you once he pulled away to breathe. He had his hand on the back of your neck, caressing your skin with his thumb.

“As much as I’d love you to fuck me against every surface on that room, I am drunk and tired and I need to process everything.” He nodded and waited for you to come up with what you wanted to do next. “So you are going to take this dress off me carefully cause I can’t do it on my own and it’s expensive as fuck, you are going to give me one for your shirts and we are sleeping, together.” He nodded again and smiled, leaning in again to give your lips a small peck.

“Consider it done, asshole.”

#vi1khistoricalchallenge #Bucky Barnes #james barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #the winter soldier #mutual pining #friends to lovers #best friends to lovers #avengers #the avengers #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n

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legion1993 · 5 years

Text

Thunderstorm Wedding

AN: this is for @until-theend-oftheline for Kari’s Summer challenge. Girl, hope you enjoy this cause this is all on the fly work! enjoy the rolleroaster ride! there is another AN in the story to explain how i came up with a certain part of the story. hope you like it!

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Prompt: Thunderstorm

Summery: there isnt one!

this was it, your wedding day was TOMORROW. everything prepared and ready, bows and decorations laid out for everyone to see, people from all over arriving too witness your wedding.

oh yeah, your marrying the guy who made you fall in love with the MCU even more than you already were. you were marrying Chris Evans.

of course this wedding was gonna be avenger themed. obviously considering who your marrying. there was gonna be an entire skit and everything. you were completely hopeful that you would have the perfect-ish wedding.

you were at the hall with Chris going through the dress rehersal, and making sure all the decorations were in place along with props and that everyone knew what to say, when to say it, and what to do and when.

then you and Chris were dropped off at the same hotel but each of you taken to seperate rooms. Scarlet stayed with you playing cards, she knew you a little too well, this was what you had always dreamed off, to get married, to start a journey of love and passion with someone kind, sweet and amazing.

Scarlet: “what is it YN, you have that look in your eye?”

YN: “i dont know Scar, its just some nerves i guess. but weird thing is i don’t actually feel nervous.”

Scarlet: “well did you get some mojo recently?”

YN: “i did open a fortune cookie a couple days ago, it said ‘when the hammer is lifted, thunder rolls, words of affirmation finished, while the truth realized.’ i guess thats what is freaking my body out right now. and i believe i win.”

Scarlet and you both looked down at your hands. playing blackjack is fun, especially when you happen to always have an especially lucky hand. Scarlet laughed as she chugged the rest of her wine.

Scarlet: “we should get some sleep… it will be a long busy day tomorrow.”

you and Scarlet had always shared a bed, even when she and you were roommates, it didnt matter, and no it was never anything freaky like that. it was just that she was your Best Friend and there wasnt anything neither of you wouldnt do for the other.

so removing your house coat, you crawled into bed getting comfy while Scarlet finished turning off the lights, she crawled in beside you. cuddling together you both drifted into unconsciousness.

——————————————–

Chris however had been taken to his room by Robert. now normally this would have been something to behold for the theatrics. but it was a different situation.

Rob: “YN seemed really stoked about the wedding.”

Chris: “i know, the only other time ive seen her like that was when i proposed. its like a massive reality spikes her adrenaline. but oh well. i guess if this goes well, the wedding of the year award will go to me & YN.”

Rob: “i suppose it will, but did you ever think about what kind of mark your wedding will leave on the community…”

Chris got up and started pacing…

Chris: “dont start an argument with me Rob, please man im getting married to an amazing girl, with you as the best man. come on bro, please just dont question this decision.

Chris and Rob after about 5 minutes each took 2 shots and went to bed knowing that it was gonna be a long and busy day.

———————————————–

Scarlet woke up shortly before you, like always she tried to give you as much sleep as possible. she checked the weather and happened to see the 79% chance of a thunderstorm starting right around the middle of the ceremony.

Scarlet woke you up, gently and calmly. you opened your eyes fluttering them a bit before they stayed open, you sat up as Scarlet handed you your cold caffeinated cola.

there was nothing that you imagined would ever ruin this day. it was YOUR WEDDING DAY! of course nothing could ruin the day. Scarlet started pulling out the straightener and the wedding lingerie, setting up everything and calling room service to bring you ladies some breakfast.

Scarlet: “breakfast is being made, and will be delivered soon. lets have you sit up and ill brush your hair out and place in the extensions before you go shower.”

you sat up in the middle of the bed and pulled out your laptop firing it up and making sure you have all the correct papers and such.

YN: “Scar, what kind of day do you think this is gonna be?”

Scarlet was unsure of how to answer that question…

Scarlet: “i think this day will turn into the perfect of awesome weddings.”

you kept going through and making sure all the documents you needed to have filled out, were filled out and making sure there were backups of all the documents in case one of the things needed replacing.

Scarlet: “will you give the documents a rest? nothing is gonna go wrong. trust me. now you continue to hold still and throw on some music while i finish these extensions.”

Scarlet waited for the music to start before she started the extensions. once the music started she started to attach the extensions. there was nothing which made you happier than listening to the soundtrack of yours Chris’ love.

this was the start of a very very long half an hour.

—————————————-

Chris woke up with Robert a few hours after you and Scarlet. this was the start of a lot of paranoia.

Robert: “how do you feel about today Chris?”

Chris: “i feel good, but if all goes well this storm will hold off till after the ceremony.”

Robert and Chris just sat in the room also ordering room service as they sat there toasting and cheering and praising each of their individual acomplishments.

—————————————–

Scarlet was finally done your hair, you went to the bathroom with your robe, lingerie and a towel. you started the shower and undressed yourself, you made your way into the tub and let the hot water maul over you for several minutes before washing your hair.

you washed your hair, you werent used to how long it was. but that would soon be obsolete, for your mind now came to the thought of being MRS. EVENS LATER. you were now at peace in your mind.

you finished in the shower about 15 minutes later. you got out and heard the sound of Scarlet singing out side, but you also heard your phone ringing. Scarlet of course answered it.

Scarlet: “YN’s phone…”

Chris: “hey Scar, what would you say to me wanting to speak with my girl!”

Scarlet: “you can just give me a moment.”

Scarlet said as she saw you exiting the washroom. she handed you the phone after you sat on the bed so Scarlet could make your hair wedding worthy. the convo between you and Chris went a little like this:

—————————–

YN: “hey Chris!”

Chris: “babe, im so lucky to get to marry you.”

YN: “im lucky too, at first i wasnt sure a guy like you would ever fall in love with a girl like me but now i know this is destiny.”

Chris: “i know but this is real, and your gonna be beautiful… hows the getting ready going?”

Scarlet: “im just doing her hair now Chris… don’t worry she will be recognizable when im through with her.”

YN: “just braid my hair Scar…”

Scarlet started putting in the french braid, she also intently listened in on yours and chris’ conversation. the braid was gonna be long but thats what you wanted.

Chris: “i missed sleeping next to you last night!”

YN: “the bed felt not the same without you… but after today we wont ever have to sleep apart again. ill see you in 2 hours babe.”

Chris: “i love you…”

YN: “i love you too..”

—————————————-

with that the call disconnected and Scarlet had just finished the braid with its own twist and accessories. a little bit of hair bling. this was it, this now was the time. it was time for the rest of your outfit. this included now fully putting on your lingerie, and your shoes while Scarlet went to pull out your Dress.

ah yes the dress that you had picked to specifically go with the superhero theme. the one dress to rule all dresses.

you slipped into it and smiled as the fabric slid over your skin.

you twirled several times loving how the dress felt and looked. now you and Scarlet had to walk to the ceremony location to make it there before the guys did.

walking down the roads the photographer followed you ladies, photographing alot of really great shots. simple ones but still capturing your beauty and elegance.

this was how you knew today would be perfect. Scarlets dress showed her black widow side very well. which was what u both wanted, especially for the skit. the avengers may not have been real but their counters are very much like their avenger counter parts.

this was the moment when the final approach to the venue was in effect. your day was now looking up. your only goal was not tripping over anything, that was the last thing you needed.

photographer: “how bout it ladies we get some shots in the park? like on the path and mock shots?”

you and Scarlet knew exactly what kind of shots the photographer meant.

------------------------------------------

Shot 1: the best friend proposal!

Shot 2: the maid of honor carries the bride!

Shot 3: the double cheek kiss.

Shot 4: the forehead mash in sunlight!

Shot 5: maid of honor releasing her best friend into the light!

Shot 6: the ‘im never letting go of my girl’!

Shot 7: out of every walk we’ve taken this one will be the most important!

Shot 8: get into position its time!

---------------------------------------

this was it, the moment that was forever to change your life, you were lining up at the end of the path behind the trees. your only worry was there were clouds in the sky, seeming like they were gonna roll on top of ya’ll and pour it all down!

Scarlet: “i see the look in your eyes don’t worry girl! your wedding will go off without a hitch. now Robert is coming back here to walk you down that isle unless you want someone else to do it.”

Robert had come round the corner just as Scarlet had finished speaking...

Robert: “you know that im the best man technically im supposed to be up there with Chris! Scarlet why dont you walk YN down that isle!”

Scarlet could only stare at you as you took a peak behind the tree at the crowd of people, the press, and the one person who made this day yours. Chris, standing at the alter, where you of course would be walking to in the next 5 minutes but first you have to make the choice of your life.

Scarlet: “what do you say girl? ready to take the most important walk of our lives... together?”

You turned to face her and Robert as you exhaled the breath you took in.

YN: “get out there Rob before you mess up the plan and be ready to switch positions when we fully get up there!”

Scarlet: “and make sure the director is ready to marry his favorite avenger and his lady!”

Robert made a salute and walked back up the isle. you got into position and waited for Scarlet to join you behind the camoflauge. you both waited for the words of the Director to begin.

Samuel: “ladies and gentlemen, fellow agents, and of course the avengers! welcome to the wedding of the century! welcome to the wedding of Chris Evens & YN! also known to the public eye as Captain America & his Lady! please rise to honor the bride as she walks her way down the isle!”

the crowd rose you locked hands with Scarlet, the camoflauge opened up, you and Scarlet made it per-tenant to step into the light! the photographer who was behind you guys captured the first look of Chris and the Crowd at you and Scarlet!

Chris’ face was totally priceless! it was like he was looking at you for the first time all over again! Samuel just smiled knowing that you and Chris were truly gonna be the wedding of the century never mind that forever....

Samuel: “i say a round of applause is in order for the beautiful Bride!”

-----------------------------------------

you walked beside Scarlet knowing that all eyes were on you, but you didnt care cause your eyes were on Chris. you were smiling all while Scarlet did everything in her power to keep you from falling flat on your face.

you and Scarlet got to your point of stopping, now it was time for the skit to begin.

----------------------------------------

Samuel: “whats wrong. are you gonna finish your journey forward?”

YN: “after i say one small thing... i discovered this a while ago but thought nothing of it. i have Stark blood flowing through my veins.”

the entirety of the avengers line-up were playing out their respected roles.

Robert: “Steve did you know anything about this?”

Chris: “i had no idea... YN how much stark blood are we talking?”

(*Authors Note: i am writing this part as if the actors are using their roles for the speaking during the ceremony but the actors names will be the ones leading their lines... just so no one gets confused... any questions at all feel free to ask*)

YN: “im Tony’s long lost cousin on his dads side...”

the crowd went berserk sort of they started mumbling but silenced when you guys started talking again...

Hemsworth: “dont worry young one, for i Thor God of Thunder still support this union...”

Samuel: “i Nick Fury Director of SHIELD still support this union.”

Scarlet: “i Natasha Romanov still support this union.”

Mark: “i am Bruce Banner and i still whole heartedly support this union.”

Jeremy: “i Clint Barton still wholly support this union.”

the avengers gave 3 cheers and then it came down to your fiance and Robert. both of whom now approached you.

------------------------------

Robert: “after all this time, how long have you known?”

YN: “about 2 weeks, i was too scared to say anything about it. i didnt know how you would react. so i used my own skill of keeping things from people to avoid any angry situations before the wedding. im so sorry guys, ive lied to all of you... especially you Steve im so sorry, i wanted to tell you guys so badly but i knew if i did there was a chance that you guys wouldnt accept me after that.”

Robert: “i Tony Stark, humbly still support this union Cuz!”

Chris comes up to you and smiles!

Chris: “what do you say YN ready to finish the walk of our lives and make it to that alter?”

Chris of course held his hand to you and smiled when you took it, both of you now making it to the alter, Samuel now cleared his throat to continue his duties as the minister.

Samuel: “Marriage means alot of things to alot of people, but to the Avengers and to SHIELD it only means our family is growing, its expanding in more ways than one. Marriage is what unites the Hearts of Steve & YN and Marriage is what brings us all here today! now i already know how the avengers and SHIELD agents respond to this but now i have to ask everyone else, is there anyone in attendance to this wedding that objects to this marriage?”

---------------------------------------

a loud snap against the stone pathway echoed through the corridor... everyone turned to see Tom in Loki form. Chris held you while everyone else got into defensive around you guys.

Tom: “i object to this disgusting union... ugh weddings make me sick... ah brother you need to work on your touch... that cell you all left me in was easy to escape from... now if you all would excuse me id like to get the girl and leave... so i can take all the knowledge she has inside her tiny little brain and build myself a portal back to somewhere that isnt here.”

Rob: “your not taking her anywhere, Loki! Avengers Assemble!”

Samuel: “SHIELD agents on the mark!”

Chris: “Thor can’t you do something!”

Hemsworth: “i can but if this works he will be sent to a stronger prison this time...”

Hemsworth shot his hand straight into the air and within moments a blast of thunder bolts came down from the sky... the thunder continued to rumble as the Avengers and SHIELD agents all stood guard while Samuel continued the wedding.

Samuel: “Steve & YN say your Vows we will make sure he doesnt approach any closer...”

Chris: “YN you have changed my life. you have changed my world. that day all those years ago made me realize that i had been missing out on. i love you YN i always have and i always will. i vow to on this love, honor, cherish, respect, and train with you every single day for as long as we both shall live in Sickness, in Health, for Richer, for Poorer, to Comfort you in Times of need, to Be there for you in all things, Always & Forever!”

YN: “Steve your my entire world, i wouldnt even be who i am today if it hadnt have been you id ended up falling for. i love you Steve i always have and i always will. i vow on this day to Love, Honor, Cherish, Respect & Train with you every single day for as long as we both shall live... In Sickness, in Health, for Richer, for Poorer, to Comfort you in Times of need, to Be there for you in All things, Always & Forever!”

---------------------------------------

Samuel pulled the rings out of his jacket pocket opening the box and holding it to you & Chris he said his next bit...

Samuel: “please repeat after me... one at a time of course... YN your gonna go first... please take Steve’s ring and repeat after me!”

you took the ring out of the box and held it to Chris’ finger...

Samuel: “i YN...”

YN: “i YN...”

Samuel: “Take you Steve!”

YN: “take you steve!”

Samuel: “to be my husband!”

YN: “to be my husband!”

Samuel: “in life and death!”

YN: “in life and death!”

Samuel: “as an official Avenger for as long as we both shall live!”

YN: “as an official Avenger for as long as we both shall live!”

you slide the ring on Chris’ hand as Chris now takes your ring and mimics your actions...

Samuel: “now its your turn Steve. Please repeat after me! I Steve...”

Chris: “i Steve.”

Samuel: “take you YN”

Chris: “take you YN!”

Samuel: “to be my wife!”

Chris: “to be my wife!”

Samuel: “in life and death!”

Chris: “in life and death!”

Samuel: “as the most amazing avenger couple in the world!”

Chris: “as the most amazing Avenger couple in the world!”

Samuel: “for as long as we both shall live!”

Chris: for as long as we both shall live!”

----------------------------

Loki: “dont you dare finish that ceremony, or i swear i will reign hell down on the earth for as long as i shall live!”

Samuel: “it is my esteemed honor to present you both as Husband and Wife! Steve you may now Kiss your Bride!”

this of course was when Chris pulled you close and kissed you passionately! earning applause from the whole crowd! including the avengers and SHIELD agents which were not looking at you guys fully.

then you and Chris turned your attention to Tom who was still really deep into his role.

Chris: “give it up Loki, you dont win today!”

Loki: “thats what you think... isnt that right brother?”

Tom rose his staff to the sky, earning a loud thunder clap from above, which then turned into a lightning strike... you dove with Chris into the chairs of people who scattered, along with everyone who didnt know that something was definately fishy...

you coughed a bit after sitting up as Chris got up helping you... both of you being approached immediately by the rest of your team! Chris helped you dust off as you did him.

Chris: “are you alright?”

YN: “im fne but whoever did this is paying the dry cleaning... does anyone have any thoughts! Hemsworth, Hiddleston... what happened?”

Hemsworth: “no idea but to my knowledge id guess that it was a freak bolt of lightning...”

Tom: “id guess either what hemsworth said or our gifts and talents from our acting has suddenly become reality...”

you took one look around and then saw something out of the corner of your eye, you left Chris’ grasp and ran to the sight of the crash and dropped to your knees as it started to storm thunder, lightning, the whole entirety.

the others of course followed you and found the symbol of the asgardian gateway on the ground where you all were once standing.

Samuel: “i dont know what the explanation is for this but we need to re group and figure this all out and see if anything is different. lets get someplace safe first though...”

Chris: “Me and Robert will go with YN we all probably need to talk anyway... cause if im not mistaken YN when you said your first thing you were telling the truth... weren’t you?”

you couldnt form words, but was able to nod yes!

Samuel: “we will meet at the set of the Avengers and figure all this out...”

Samuel and the others except for you, Chris and Robert left. you finally spoke after several minutes!

YN: “my fortune cookie fortune came true... this is all my fault...”

Chris: “what did it say...”

YN: “when the hammer is lifted, thunder rolls, words of affirmation finished, while the truth realized.”

that of course is when Chris and Robert also spoke...

Chris: “for its within the thunder, disaster strikes...”

Robert: “for the world you know, is not it at all...”

You got up off the ground once more and turned to face Robert & Chris!

YN: “robert yes your my cousin, im sorry i didnt say anything to either of you... Chris i am happy we are married, but im kinda pissed that our plans got ruined. our fortunes all line up with eachother... who would seperate a prophecy into 3 seperate fortune cookies?”

Chris: “dont worry we will get answers but for now Rob do you want to say it or shall i?”

Robert: “lets not have this argument and just let YN say it!”

you faced the 2 guys most important in your life and held your hand in front of them... they placed theirs on top of yours as you smiled slightly...

YN: “Avengers Assemble!”

#kari's summer writing challenge

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antihero-writings · 5 years

Text

The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)

Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud

Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?

Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it on this blog, and/or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!)

Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!

I feel like the Rainsworth Trio–especially Sharon and Break–don’t really talk about Break’s death, even though they know it’s coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!

Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is “Into the Open Air” from the Brave soundtrack.

P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!

Fic:

Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.

It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.

Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.

As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.

He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.

She lifted her head.

When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.

When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?

He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.

Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.

Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.

When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.

“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”

He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”

They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.

She could be a little tyrant sometimes.

At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”

“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”

He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.

Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.

There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.

It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…

Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.

Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.

Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.

“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.

“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”

He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”

“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.

Shelly smiled, shaking her head.

“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”

“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.

“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”

“What?!” Break blurted out.

“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”

“Do I get a say in this?!”

“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”

“Tch.” He looked away.

She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.

He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.

She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”

He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.

She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,

“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”

He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”

“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”

“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.

He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.

Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.

“Checkmate.”

He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.

They could be tyrants sometimes.

Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.

That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?

A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”

And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.

*****

It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.

Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.

If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.

If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.

All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.

Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.

They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.

When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.

The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was awfully cold.

He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.

He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:

It was snowing.

There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.

Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.

“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.

He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).

Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.

Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.

He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.

Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,

“Ojousama.”

She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.

He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”

She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.

“Break,” she muttered his name softly.

Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.

“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”

He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”

“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”

She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.

“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.

“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”

She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.

Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.

“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”

He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.

“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”

“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”

She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.

“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.

She nodded, beaming.

They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.

“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”

“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.

She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.

“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”

“You’ll see!” said Emily.

Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.

Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.

Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.

It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.

Break could barely contain his laughter.

He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,

“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”

Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.

“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,

“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.

“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”

“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor

Break laughed, “Is that so?”

“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.

“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.

“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”

He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”

Sharon and Break grinned at each other.

Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”

Reim rolled his eyes.

Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.

Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”

He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.

They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.

They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.

Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.

“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.

“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.

“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.

“I was simply—”

This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.

“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.

“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”

“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.

“That’s more like,” Break smirked.

It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.

The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.

It was a while later when another voice broke through:

“Hey, what are you guys doing?”

They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.

“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”

“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”

“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”

“Really?! You’ll let me?!”

“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”

Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”

Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.

“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.

“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”

As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.

Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”

Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.

Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).

Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.

“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,

“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.

There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).

Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,

He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.

“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.

She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”

Well, she got me there.

It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.

Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.

“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.

“What? That you got me?”

Reim’s expression was unmoving.

“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”

Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.

“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)

“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”

“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”

“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.

Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”

“Try me, Manservant!”

“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.

“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.

That seemed to return Reim to his senses,

“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”

“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”

Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.

And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.

That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.

Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.

Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.

He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.

So they settled for a smile.

His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.

Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.

And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.

“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.

They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.

He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.

He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.

They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.

For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.

Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.

“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”

“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.

“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”

“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.

“There he goes again calling himself old!”

Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”

“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.

They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.

He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.

“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.

The others noticed, and stopped too.

“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.

“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.

He rolled his eyes at them.

“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”

They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.

“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.

“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”

“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”

They glanced at each other.

“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.

The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.

“Sharon?” he asked softly.

No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.

“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”

He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.

“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”

“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”

“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.

He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.

“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.

Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.

If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.

“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”

Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.

“Y-You were?”

He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.

“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.

She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.

His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.

He shook his head of the memory.

“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”

She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.

“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”

“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”

He gently wrapped his own arms around her.

“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”

He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.

“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.

“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.

She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.

“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.

She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”

For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.

“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”

She nodded, smiling.

He gently reached down and picked her up.

“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.

He touched her nose with his finger.

After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”

His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.

“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”

She shook her head, “No you’re not!”

Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”

The smile she returned was real too.

And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.

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rhapsody-in-heaven · 3 years

Text

The Diary of Losing You

Day One

I cant believe it, never did we ever talk about breaking up before this .. and now all of a sudden its happening. I cant process it. I cant accept it. Sure, we’ve had fights but I never felt like they were toxic. We never got to that point - we weren’t even close to that point. Was I too stubborn? Did you not like that? Because no matter how much I begged and bargained - you kept telling me, it was over. That you didnt have to explain things to me but you were doing it out of courtesy. But its hard to accept - not only because it was so sudden but because you told me you still liked me - and god knows, i still like you. You told me, you couldnt change and you knew that about yourself and honestly, I kind of admire that. I havent had a lot of boyfriends but the first one I had to accept cuz he stopped liking me - the other two were long over by the time we broke up - there was resentment in our relationship but we didnt know how to let go - so we kept holding on - even when it got so toxic and even when it was obvious we were much better off without each other. But its still hard. Why don’t you think we’re worth a second chance. i didnt even think it was so bad that it needed to be classified as a second chance - just that we were still trying to figure out the kinks with the first one. Even when I told you that if the same situation happens even one more time, you could break up w me - even if it was two weeks later - i wouldnt complain. But you told me that in that case you would just break up with me two weeks later because for you, the relationship was already over. You didnt think we were worth a second chance and that hurts a lot. I spent hours begging you to reconsider - knowing that you wouldnt - but i still had to try. and then I spent hours after talking to two friends and crying my heart out to them. all i could think about was all the plans we made that would no longer come to pass. I questioned myself if I was missing the thing wed do together or miss you and yeah at that time i was grieving our breakup but grieving more the things that would no longer come to pass. Im used to seeing you once every three weeks but three weeks werent up yet and it still felt relatively normal i guess. but the fact that I also knew the sadness would hit when the three weeks were up also scared me. sleep was my solace - when i sleep, i dont need to think anymore. Day Two teaching as usual but then in the times i didnt have to actively teach - i could feel the tears forming in my eyes but its okay, i dont think anyone noticed. but then we had a break between classes and i started to talk to another friend and then i couldnt stop crying. crying so loud that my coteacher heard it and asked what was wrong, and of course needing to explain things out loud with my voice made it that much worse. I could pull myself together for when i was actually teaching the class but - i still miss everything about you. I had my sixth grade class and I was so happy. They were my worst class last year but they did so well on this exercise we thought they would have trouble with - and they did, but with some help they managed to finish, and they did well. The first person i wanted to talk to was you. I felt like all i ever did was complain in our relationship I really wanted to give you the good news. And you were nice enough that you listened to me, and told me that even before, just hearing from me was good news. and that felt incredibly bittersweet. before leaving school my coteacher told me to feel better but all i could think was that i missed you. I had dinner plans that night but they got cancelled - I called my cousin and he talked to me for hours just listening to me cry - and then talk about life - and listening to me cry again. He told me that you probably didnt like the way we communicated and decided to end it before it gets harder later on. I can respect that I said, but its too soon to call it quits - we never even tried. To him, I just wasnt worth trying. Day Three teaching kept me busy for most of the morning - i didnt have much time to think about you. but after lunch, the sadness began to manifest itself again. I dont think anyone noticed, or maybe they pretended not to. but I started to think back on the times before you moved away. Before we were long distance or even a couple. How you were so good to me. How you made me food. How you stayed with me when i was sad and i just have so many regrets I wasnt adquately able to tell you how i felt about you. How i was constantly unsure about myself but how when you did ask me out, you told me that it was okay that i didnt know - it was okay if i was never able to say i love you because you could feel that saying “love” signified a very strong emotion for me that i wasnt sure i ever felt before, and even with just me saying “like” you knew and could tell that my feelings for you were really deep. Why is it that you miss them so much more when theyre gone? Why do i feel like I shouldve treated you better i shouldve done more and thought of you more and expressed my feelings to you better. but hindsight is always 20/20. I went to pole and then to see my friends at night. we went to karaoke and at this point only one of the two friends knows because i didnt wanna ruin the birthday celebrations coming up of the one who didnt know. Well we were singing “payphone” and she said that we were singing it like someone had broken our hearts and all i could do was pretend to laugh. For the record, I dont think u broke my heart. or i dont blame you. i just wish things ended differently - i wish we were worth another shot in your mind. But all of this, is just wishful thinking. And i know that.

Day Four

its the weekend, and the day we celebrate her birthday. its a rainy day and somehow every little thing reminds me of you. I havent felt like this after a break up in a long time - im not sure if ive ever felt like this after a break up at all. My last two were long over before we ended things and the one before that was the definition of puppy love - sure i thought about him, and maybe its because its been so long but i dont remember every little thing reminding me of him. The rain reminds me of you. I saw a couple walking under an umbrella and remembered that you bought this hella big and expensive umbrella so that we could share it together in the rain. when I was at the aquarium all i could think about was how nice it would be if i was there with you. I saw a boat and i could just think about your job and how youre a shipbuilding engineer. Even looking at myself in the mirror, i thought about how you bought a jean jacket so we could match. I thought about the white tennis shoes we wanted to buy so we could match together when a friend mentioned she needed new white shoes. I thought of all the cute little cafes you took me to when we went to eat a cafe. my friend said she wanted to go to a marsh she saw in my photos - the very same one you took me to. we went to a coin karaoke place and the first time i ever went to one was with you. and sometimes i didnt need a reminder - my mind would just wander and i would remember things i didnt even know I remembered. the time when we fought about women in the workforce and your industry in the cafe and at the car. how when i asked if you were still mad at me you said that you wish you said “oh maybe i am a little bit, but ill make a lot of money and buy u a nice purse” to defuse the situation instead of getting mad. How our very first date lasted two nights and three days. How you couldnt spend my birthday w me but spent valentines w me the next day. The night you asked me to be your girlfriend - and how scared but also how happy i was. How you always took me to so many places. How i always could complain to you and you would always listen w patience - how i just wanted you back - how i wanted you to hold me and tell me it was a mistake - that you didnt really wanna break up w me that you thought about it and you wanna try again. but i also know, its wishful thinking and i know, that you wont come back to me. Day Five No plans. it’s still raining. No reason to go out. Can’t find the will to clean my apartment thats getting messier and dirtier by the day. I just want to lie in bed. I’ve been swiping on tinder and talking to some ppl - not to find a rebound but just to talk to people - to feel less - lonely? dejected? idk. but it doesnt really work - it feels like a lot of effort that I cant give. Were conversations always this hard? i feel like ours were so easy. And then i start to think again. all the promises we made. You said you would still try to be friends with me. Can we still do the little things? even before we went out you said u would take me skiing in the winter - is that still on? you told me you would buy me a hanbok - how about that? will you still take me? I keep asking why its over for you. why another chance will never happen. but the whole day, i just lie in bed. I cant bring myself to do anything. I keep searching up things like how long it should take to get over you - but at the same time im not sure i want to. Its not over for me yet even if its over for you. I guess, im feeling all the beginning stages of grief at once. Shock and Denial - i know its over - my head knows it - my head knows that you wont take me back or give us another go but my heart still has that false hope. my heart doesnt want to give you up. Guilt and Pain - well the pain is self explanatory but the guilt - i just keep wondering if this was my fault. if I was too unwilling to change - or didnt know i needed to change until i realized u were serious when you said you were thinking of breaking up w me - if i never said “how about we just never talk again” in anger and sadness, would we have gotten to this point? Anger and Bargaining - im not really angry - i mean i dont think this was your fault or mine but i guess i am kind of upset at the fact that you dont think we’re worth a second shot. anything we argued about, even if it spanned across a couple of days, has never come up again. and this was the first time this particular issue came up so why could we both make steps and amends to keep this from happening. are we both too stubborn? but i was willing and it felt like you werent. you told me that even ur past gfs have said that sometimes they didnt feel like they really had a choice and it wasnt just me. so im assuming that this is something youre eventually going to have to fix for yourself or you find a girl whos okay with that - but you also said you didnt want a gf or a wife that was like a doll who just agreed w everything you said. so this just means to me that youre not willing to try and change. honestly, if youre aware of it, it shouldnt be a hard fix but you already made up your mind that you werent going to do it. in reality i just wasnt the one you were willing to make those steps towards. and that is where my sadness and anger come from. now bargaining - im really willing to make changes and kind of the biggest testament i can give to that is that if we could be together again, i could quit that game ive been playing for 2 years cold turkey. For whatever reason, you never liked me playing that game and if it means i could have you back, i would gladly get rid of it. as for the other things - i promise i wont pressure to be with you longer cuz i know your tired - now i know youre tired. because you never told me before. Im sorry i dont like to lose arguments and i get defensive - i know i need to communicate better too. but i just really miss you and it kills me that we never even gave it a chance. yes, maybe youre right and things wont change and i know you think youre doing me a favour by ending this sooner rather than later but it kills me more that we never tried. Depression Loneliness and Reflection - self explanatory maybe im not fully in this stage yet but I do realize that the bargaining is not going to work even if i hope that it would. it isnt over to me and to be honest, im not sure i want to get over you yet, even tho i know i should. Day Six

a monday. i asked you yesterday if we could talk and you said you were busy. I’m sure even tho i know your answer, i will ask you today if you would reconsider. im sorry if this puts pressure on you but i think its also necessary that i know I at least tried for my own sanity instead of letting this go. I’m going to tell you everything ive been thinking the last several days just to get it out. and yes, there is still that false hope that you’ll take me back and when that’s crushed i will probably inevitably cry again. I’m not sure if talking to you so soon is the right answer, if later would give me a clearer head. but my heart is telling me that i need to ask you to reconsider now and not later - if only for the confirmation - that nail on the coffin, that we’re really not happening anymore. I asked you when you had time and you said 10pm. So after work, i go home and i write down everything i want to talk to you about - at least everything i can think of at the time of writing much of which i talked about here already - how i thank you for loving me and all the things you did for me, how i still hope youll keep ur promise about buying me a hanbok, about a possible snowboard trip, about my stages of grief - my denial, my anger, the bargaining, how it wasnt just you who needed to change but i do think you will eventually need to change for someone - that i was sad it wasnt me. how i wish you told me about the stresses of your job so id be more understanding, how you were the first guy i thought i could say i love you to. how im not good at this cuz my last two and only serious relationships ended long before we called it off but right now i still feel like i was starting to like you more and more. how u know to break it off now because it would hurt more for me later and you no longer wanted to see me cry but for me second chances and trying is important - which is why im bargaining with you even tho i know you will say no. i need to know i did everything I could. that im sad we didnt meet earlier and have a more stable realtionship and maybe it woulda worked out - that i was sad you had to move for your job because if you were still here things wouldve worked out differently. but i dunno - i hope youll listen with as open a mind as u can, really think about it before you reject me and ill know i did everything i could.

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byunrelatable · 6 years

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ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying.

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

#asks #lovely mutuals #GOSH my confession story is LOOONG

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mjeoppa · 7 years

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a story i told my friends

it’s long so. also contains malay words, if need translation dont use google, ask me. Quick summary: im actually happy (???questionable) but its all rather bittersweet

Maybe a quick intro to the characters of the drama

Me:awkward but living Raja: someone i kinda grew close through wanting to go to the same places together, a smart girl who's understanding and talks a lot, went to an agama school so she has that conservative part of her Afiq: a guy who lives in my neighborhood who's like probably the good samaritan of our malaysian organization, hobbies include playing video games, watching anime and cooking Hakim: afiq's housemate, doesnt really talk to people much but likes to get involved, hobbies include creating short films

So, i met all 3 separately; raja, since she's in my batch, earlier on, in fact she actually flew to michigan with me halfway, then we had different flights. Afiq i met when he came over to my house once, then later he came by bc my housemates said he could help me put my table together, and even then we were chatting comfortably. Hakim i met on a bus home after orientation, and i recognized him immediately; the guys from damansara i saw in the malaysian organization yearbook. But i didnt say anything bc how would i know he's malaysian lol

So after awhile i became friends w raja and afiq, progressing quite well in the friendship statuses, both of them having common interests w me. Then i found out that they were close w each other too. By the end of the semester, it was pretty obvious that afiq has a thing for raja, by the way he treats her.

Hakim on the other hand i kept having accidental meet ups w on the bus, n i could only officially say i know him after the first mso (malaysian student organization) meeting, but after that i didnt have a chance to say a thing to him. But after that meeting, i could also officially say that i have a crush on this guy. Afiq had talked about him, my friend's housemate talked about him, n from what i learned this guy has a weird charm where he does the most unexpected things, or maybe bc hes so quiet no one really knows what hes thinking

Im close to one of my housemates (who has graduated last semester), kak tipah whom i confessed i have a thing for hakim, and she told me that he has a girlfriend 🙃this was rather early in the semester, so i ended up shuffling crushes a lot throughout, but ofc hakim was still my first crush, also my first heartbreak in michigan

Another one of my housemates, kak su, recruited me to join her for her winter break trip, and when she asked whom i think would wanna join, i suggested raja. Another person who was already in on the plan w kak su was a guy named mirza. At this point i knew nothing about him. There was a phase where i would continuously confirm w my housemates whom mirza is through pictures until i could officially recognize him myself

It was thanksgiving, or maybe a few days before when mirza finally confirmed that the fifth and final member of our trip is hakim (jeng jeng jeng). I was happy, but i had to remain calm. He has a girlfriend, after all.

Okay so winter trip. That was so freaking fun. Funny thing is that we were 5 random people w different backgrounds, and yet we managed to make it work. It was awkward in the beginning, but later we learned how each other worked and after a few forum sessions we were more open w each other. Yes i did get to know hakim, but i also got to know so much more about raja, and mirza is a person that i didnt expect when i first came here to be someone that would be cool w being friends w me.

The ridiculous thing is that it was very early in the trip that we established that both kak su and hakim werent available. I didnt know when it started, but hakim started to talk more, and i liked that he didnt mind sitting around me, he was comfortable w stuff like giving me food he couldnt finish and asking what i wanted to order (dinner is usually the time we could talk, otherwise we'd be in the car and we cant really have a one on one conversation)

Raja on the other hand couldnt stop talking

She asked weird questions, and at first it was just to me, but later i fell asleep a lot so she started asking mirza, and so it became a thing that when theyre bored they would be listening to raja's epiphanies about life

Somewhere in between the first and second week of the trip i was texting afiq a lot n he said "aku susah nak rapat dengan perempuan" so to prove to him how bad i am at making friends w guys i told him that he's the closest guy friend i ever had, so ever since that i guess we had this agreement that we were somewhat close friends and we can kinda tell each other stuff

And believe me, i tell afiq stuff i dont even tell raja

So anyway at first i was kinda happy, and we had fun talking bout stuff, but later i saw that he was chatting w raja, so i felt a bit suckish bc he said he was bad at making friends w girls, so was he just saying it for the sake of it?

So there was a time where we were staying at separate houses, the girls and boys, so we decided to go out to eat, and there wasnt anything else to do in tulsa anyway, so we sat and ate and talked for 3 hours. So i asked mirza when did he finally recognized me as "elyna" and he said actually the first time he heard of me was from afiq who told him that i knew a bunch of animes, and yea actually this was before i told him hes my closest guy friend but i just realized that this was when hakim started to talk to me more than usual

Hmm there were times when he says stuff that i was thinking, n i think i say stuff that hes thinking as well bc when it happens he kinda glanced at me weirdly in the beginning, later when weve talked to each other more we finally say things like "hey i was about to say the same thing" or something like that. Example: we were eating at a thai restaurant n the menu was kinda simple, and i was thinking to myself "ape lagi. Pad thai jela." Then mirza asked hakim what he was gonna order, and he literally said the exact same thing i was thinking. Once mirza asked for an extra bowl of rice (also a thai restaurant, but this was a lot later) and he was saying "mahal doh, 2 ringgit" then hakim asked "brape?" "2 ringgit" then i glanced at him and he glanced at me and i said "murah gak tu. 2 ringgit kalau dollar 50cent." Then we laughed and he said he was about to say the same thing.

Theres this thing during dinners that he does, starting from this gyro place, where he would want me to sit somewhere near him, like either across or next to him, probably so that he can crack jokes w me, but after awhile we ran out of things to say. So sometimes we kinda order similar things just bc. Im not sure. Sometimes he follows my lead, sometimes i follow his, then when what i wanna order is too far from what he wants he just orders wtv he wants. I guess later he realizes that im really bad at first orders haha my food always turns out not that good a dish.

Okay so if i go on and on about the trip this story will never end. Basically we had fun, for a bunch of awkwardly matched 5-some. Raja really liked opening forums and asked weird questions and one of em was what were their first thoughts of us, and hakim said that i came to his house several times to play video games so he thought he'd have that to talk about w me. Raja, he said talked way too much for his liking in the beginning, he said he would like his peace lmao. Both of them knew kak su beforehand so they didnt really think of anything. Thing is, raja actually felt hurt at hakim's comment, even tho it was evident that even if he didnt like all her talking, he wouldnt actually stop her from talking. Except there was a time we wanted to play a game in the car n he said "jom main game senyap, siape paling lama diam die menang" n we all laughed n we asked whats the prize n he said that person can get to talk for an hour n kak su said lets let hakim win so that he has to talk for an hour. I take too much time explaining details ugh.

So for the next day after that confession by hakim raja didnt talk to hakim at all. She literally asked everyone what their glasses power were except hakim. I laughed at him quietly in sympathy. But later she was okay w him again. Just that whenever he talked to her she would complain to me.

She also complained that hakim took a long time to follow raja back on instagram but for me it was on the same night. I said it was bc i followed him when i saw that he was on ig, but she said she saw him going on ig after she requested to follow him but he hadnt approved.

Also both raja and kak su knows i like hakim since before the trip.

It was in new orleans that i really felt like he was making me expect too much from him. He wanted to buy a hot dog for himself, but kak su n raja were sharing, n i didnt want one whole hot dog, so he ended up sharing w me, n he even followed me to the counter when i ordered, n it really made me happy, my heart was bursting, thats the only way i can explain it.

So after that everything was rather mediocre. I theorized a pattern in his ig picture liking in which he would like pictures i post that did not include myself in it, except one. After we got home i kinda felt that feeling of "so thats it?"

But it wasnt. My housemates were saying i couldnt move on, but it really wasnt something to move on from. 3 weeks of just them gave me a lifetime of memories. So when I went out w raja on the sunday before classes start, i guess i shouldnt have been surprised whem raja confessed that she has a crush on mirza.

She went on and on about how they had been talking ever since the morning after we arrived home, and all i could talk about was how i felt like hakim treated me like something more than just another girl, n raja said she saw it too, n i couldnt hold on to those feelings bc he has a gf.

Talking about his gf, throwback to new orleans, second night, 1am. It was just me, mirza and raja, n before mirza had mentioned that hakim's gf went to mirza's mrsm before he got there, so he kinda knew who she was, n he told us that night that the girl's previous boyfriend wasnt like hakim at all, so he was surprised. So me n raja were making all kinds of conclusions. Maybe hakim came into the picture right after mimi, the gf just broke up w her prev bf so she was more accepting of him. Maybe mirza didnt really like the girl. Maybe the circumstances of their relationship is not as it appears, but theyve been together for 3 years, and for 2 of those years hakim was in the states n she's back home, so who r we to say if their relationship is good or not? Speculation wasnt even decent, but we speculated anyway.

But yea semester started n in the first week the only time i saw hakim was through a snap of him sleeping in between classes. Raja was moving into our apartment, bc 2 of my housemates were graduating, so she was taking over one of the leases. When hakim found out he was like "alaa nnti jumpa raja dalam bas." N raja was half kidding when she said "okay la kalau jumpa dalam bas aku tak tegur kau".

On that sunday afiq was being real weird. He's close to one of my housemates, one that i havent revealed until now, kak sj, n i dont know if it has anything to do w her graduating. she was the one who told me to ask him to help w the table n she invited him over several times to cook w her. But he was asking me if i had classes he could join in n in the first week, i saw him every week day. We talked a lot about mso n classes n common interests. One day i was saying youre old afiq, and you havent even confessed to ur crush, whatre u gonna do? Then he told me that hes actually confessed to her, a month ago. I was so surprised. I mean, if it really was a month ago, it had to be someone from my batch, probably, n it couldnt have been anyone but raja? But i didnt wanna assume, so i offered a trade - my crush for yours. So he told me about confessing to raja, n i told him about hakim.

That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours about feelings and shit. I was pretty dumbfounded. He confessed to raja before the trip, and she kept that from me all the while, i know its probably not my business, but i wonder if she thought it was better that i didnt know? Bc she tells me almost everything about her life, n i tell her almost everything about mine, so why this secret?

I couldnt keep all this to myself. The night before kak tipah's flight home, i told her everything. She said that she shipped mirza w raja, n me w afiq. I told her that me n afiq cant be more than friends, especially not now. And imagine, im actually one of the last ones to know about this confession. Both of them must know that i felt left out? Kak tipah asked, if afiq suddenly told me he likes me, what would i do? I said i probably wouldnt accept him, bc i feel like im just the second option. Then she asked, what if he confessed to me, not raja? Then i said i probably wouldnt accept him immediately, but eventually.

I also felt that afiq's confession was off in timing- it was way too early. We hadnt been here for even 6 months, we barely know everyone in mso, u really couldnt expect her to have accepted him immediately. But later afiq did say that he didnt expect anything from her, he just wanted to know that he likes her. One of the things that we mentioned during the 2 hour talk was what was his previous girlfriends like, n he said him n his friends concluded that there were 3 main components in the girls he liked; 1. Wears glasses 2. Is introverted and 3. Has common interests w him. I was being so slick at not pointing out that all these descriptions fit me, but instead i avoided it by comparing it to raja, n she only wears glasses at night, is extremely extroverted, n common interests w her is very general.

But yea, he dropped out of the classes he was planning to take w me, but we still talked a lot about stuff, n two wednesdays ago i went to his house for fun, n it was hakim's turn to cook, n i think that was the third time this semester i saw him, n he invited me to eat and said "makanla, aku masak untuk kau kot" n it was a happy moment, even if i knew he was just kidding. Later all his housemates left me n afiq to our geeking out session.

The first time i saw him in the semester was during an mso gathering. We didnt talk. The second time i saw him, i didnt actually see him, altho he probably saw me. Raja had been complaining about meeting hakim on buses n being awkward about it, so one day I was helping raja move her stuff, n we were carrying big plastic bags of pillows onto a bus. Raja mentioned beforehand that she hopes she doesnt see any malaysians, n especially not hakim. The bus we got on was rather crowded, so me n raja had to sit separately. I wanted to sit at the back, but it was too much effort to squeeze in, so i just sat somewhere in the middle. When we were almost home, raja kept giving me signals, but i didnt get it. As soon as we got off, raja went all "DAH CAKAP DAH. MULUT AKU NI MASIN SANGAT." So hakim was on that bus, n i didnt even notice him, even after all my previous efforts to get on a bus w him, when i finally did i didnt even see him. I probably did, but i didnt recognize it was him. Raja kept complaining about it but i was just frustrated, so she ended up pissing me off.

Okay so one day i told him that i had a theory for why he likes raja, a girl who doesnt fit the usual description, n it was bc he didnt want to get broken hearted by girls who are as such again, so he opted for someone who's different, bc srsly his exgf treats him like they never came around to broke his heart so thats mean, but it was also a hint i was giving that he should probably stick to being friends w me so that he wont get broken hearted again, but he was all "hahahah you just made my day" and it was bittersweet

This whole thing is bittersweet- liking hakim is, too. Bc i feel like he's someone who treats me better than he treats raja, n that feels so good, even if it sounds mean, but when was the last time i ever felt like i was someone who was preferred over another girl?

Back to the story, things kinda got lost in between my own life of working and classes and doing design stuff for mso n never doing what they want me to do, so when raja suggested we made a batch gathering in our new house, i thought it was an awesome idea bc i havent hung out w kids in my batch for awhile now, n after having a short lunch w one of em the other day i realized that theyve been spending their time living their lives awesomely as well, n i kinda wanna hear all about it.

So yeaa after many discussions on when we should do it n whos free when we finally decided to do it last friday night. Thing is, that morning was my first shift ever, so right after i had to go buy stuff to replenish the household resources. when i was on my bus home, i saw afiq somewhere near the bus driver. I waved at him, hating to sit in front bc those r usually reserved seats n i dont like hesitating to stand up to offer an older person the seat, so i went all the way to the back w my bags of groceries n there he was, abdul hakim bin zazli.

When he saw me he asked "pegi meijer ke?" And i said yea and our conversation stopped there. I was wearing earphones, but he wasnt, but he was looking at his phone. Afiq messaged me "have fun" n i hated him. After awhile i noticed he wasnt really on his phone, he was just bored n that was his escapade, as usual, a habit of his ive noticed since the trip. So I wanted to make conversation, but when i called out "kim" he wasnt responding so i looked away, but suddenly he turned to me but i was already looking somewhere else, so he didnt say anything. He didnt say bye, but after walking a bit i noticed afiq turning around n grinning at the bus. I still hate him.

So that night was pretty awesome. Even most of the guys came. All the girls came. It was tiring having to make sure there was always food for the guests n that they werent bored, but everyone was pretty chill n i loved it. My batch is pretty awesome. I think one of the best feelings after thinking that u suck at befriending guys is having guys laugh at your jokes. intec guys sucked. period.

Saturday night. I was supposed to be studying for a monday exam. Suddenly afiq asked if i wanted to play left4dead2, which is a game we casually play together w sal, a chill sarawak girl who i have a friend crush on (she loves video games too n owns a ps4). We also managed to get mirza to play w us. After losing one round too many times, mirza quit n the cpu sort of saved our ass. It was 2am n we were still talking while doing our own shit. I have a feeling us 3 would make a pretty awesome trio.

Anyway i ended up being the last one sleeping bc i was editing jongup's bday video, but they all said they'd wanna come over to the ceramics studio to play clay from my wheel throwing class. So the next morning i told them it was pretty empty, so sal came n made an awesome mug for a first timer. She had fun. Afiq had a meeting so we met up w him for pizza after, then he came back to the studio w me bc he wanted to play w clay too. He told me that hakim brought the car to campus, so if i still had a lot of work to do n would probably miss the last bus at 5.30 i could ask him. So i did. He said he was going back at 10, n afiq didnt wanna go back that late, so he ended up have someone pick him up at 7. At 9, hakim was in front of the art building.

I keep forgetting to tell u guys that raja has met hakim on buses several times but he wouldnt talk to her, or like, he ignored her, which was something he did even to me before the trip, which is why when he talked to me first on friday, it felt great really. But raja hated it. She questioned it - why does hakim talk to me but not her? Why is he the only person she knows who wouldnt talk to her? I guess what she hated was his ego, but it also made it sound like she wants everyone on earth to love her, n i couldnt really stand that. But i didnt say a thing.

So when he initiates conversation during that what felt so short trip home, i was happy. As i described it to raja, it was a give n take. He would ask a question then talk n I would ask a question then talk n we were still cracking jokes when we were at the front door of my apartment. Unlike afiq who likes long goodbye n attachment, hakim's goodbyes were short n sweet, n i wonder why he's so chill w me, n some parts of me says that he probably thinks i have something going on w afiq, n i kinda hate that.

-tbc-

#personal #hz

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jess-oh · 6 years

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Reflection

hey journal!

i had a pretty good day today but it was all ruined so quickly.

i started the day by waking up late and so, i didnt meet linda in time at the fullerton red line stop at 8am this morning and i felt super bad but i chose to just take a lyft instead. i debated on training it up to jenny but by that time. i’d get to church by 10am and i wasnt sure if i would even make it in time so i just decided to take a lyft instead. i made a commitment to come early and although i would be very late, it was better to come a little early than not at all! and i had a good time talking with my lyft driver about church and my busy schedule anyway! and i think i’m getting the hang of finding the balance of listening intently and actually caring for others and sharing my own experiences. as of right now, ive been trying to not share about myself unless prompted to and i think it’s been working so far! im just afraid i’ll end up having a lot of pent up emotions that i never felt comfortable sharing and end up feeling miserable again. but hopefully it doesnt come to that and people just know to ask! but i saw josh, johnathan’s roommate, there again and that was really nice! i got to see amanda and johnathan and josh and p josh and i was glad. and i got to see some familiar faces! like david, austin, rachel, johnny, christine, daniel bang and more! and although, again, i am sad chelsea and angela were missing, im also relieved that they werent there bc i wasnt so afraid of being judged constantly. honestly, jason too. he was also missing and i felt kind of relieved bc although i know he means well when he teases me, it’s slowly spiraling into verbal abuse and i actually do get kind of hurt sometimes. i tend to shrug it off but like when he calls me a “dummy” when i learn about new information, i feel kind of bad. if i knew but forgot, then thats one thing and i know i deserve that. but i literally just found out. why does that warrant or mean im not smart in any way? i’ll probably confront him about it in the near future and as of right now, i do value him as a friend and we have had real, deep conversations with each other, which i do really value and appreciate. and i also dont think i have a real issue in telling him about how i feel. i have been wondering if he’s been wanting to check up on me since i cried when he told me about my flaws. but, he hasnt asked yet so i guess it’s whatever. but then again, we also havent seen each other in a while. it’s been what, two weeks, going on three weeks now? it does feel a bit weird. but then again, even missing just one sunday left me feeling like i’d been gone for such a long time! and though i was a bit stressed at first with the cross conference meeting and meeting so many new freshmen at once, i am really glad and grateful that i got to spend time with everyone today. i didnt pay too much attention to the cross conference meeting as my attention was divided elsewhere but it sounded good for the most part! it sounds like we’ll be selling calligraphy prints, doing a bake sale, and a benefit concert! im excited to see how it all goes! then, johnathan, amanda, p. josh and i went to the college room to prepare and pray over the meeting for the day and it was really nice to just be able to spend that time with them! p josh pitched a game, i couldnt think of anything better and neither could amanda or johnathan, so we just ran with it! johnathan was full of great ideas today, tbh! he had a lot of little afterthoughts that really contributed to the success of the icebreaker today! it was a bit awkward at first but all the freshmen seem to be really close and im excited to see how many of them stay and choose to invest in the community here! oh! i also prayed for the service today pretty on the spot! p josh legit texted me on my way to church and i sheepishly agreed to it. but i was really feeling the music today and my heart feels so much lighter and happier after having gone to vision camp over the weekend with amanda! so when i got up to the front, i tried to go over everything happening today during the service but more importantly, really tried to be real and genuine with the words that i said and i think that i did. and i later asked elsa if it was a good prayer and she said it was so i guess i did pretty well! ^_^ thank you for speaking through me today, God!

Then, i debated on whether or not to go back downtown or stay in Evanston and God made a way! it seemed like Amanda would go home and i felt bad ditching her and choosing to stay in Evanston and possibly spend time with the freshmen but they ended up not coming! haha. but instead, alex cho, austin, briefly d. bang, daniel kwon, yaeji, johnny, johnathan, p. josh, amanda, christine, and esther were there! and im really only “close” with amanda, p. josh, and johnathan but i think through the icebreaker and just studying together today really brought us all closer together! i held a few conversations with christine, i talked to austin about my client work, i joked around with johnny and the others, i gave my opinion to yaeji both while we were waiting at church and while we were studying and overall, i didnt feel very scared or nervous or pressured. i was just there and enjoyed the moment and the opportunity i got to spend with them. and im glad. i do really want to grow closer in my relationship with them all this coming year. and im hoping we can start through the EC retreat this weekend! im stressed beyond belief with all my responsibilities but im also starting to feel better and more optimistic! as i was typing this, jason randomly messaged me and it was just for a test but it meant a lot to me that he would even think of me to do that. i really hope he and angela are doing okay! i cant imagine how hard this must be for him to have his significant other attending a different church when he has been placed by God at lakeview. maybe it wasnt meant to be or maybe angela just needs to grow on her own apart from us. regardless of the reason, i hope shes doing well. but i also want to give her space bc i do feel partly responsible for why she left. at the end of the day, she was just bitter towards everything but i also didnt help the fact either. but i really do hope chelsea and angela are doing okay! i think the best thing i can do now is to just pray for them and lift them up! i want to genuinely care for them and put them first before myself. i know that i’ve been incredibly selfish and prideful in the past but i really do want to do better. i really do. and only by God’s strength may i do that!

But onto why I was so stressed out earlier. I walked back with Amanda to the train and then took that down with her for most of the ride. We got to know each other on a much deeper level and I want her to know that I will be there for her just as much as she has already been there for me! And I do really hope we can grow deeper in out relationship together. I asked her if she didnt mind sharing why she is such a people pleaser and i learned a lot about her through that! i just paid attention and listened intently and didn’t think of myself at all throughout it. i dont always need to give advice or respond. i just need to be there for her. and i was. so i did. i couldnt relate to her situation but i cared more that she could understand her thought process more than i did about sharing my own feelings. and it did really fill me with joy to do that! im glad we got to spend so much time together and can continue to spend more time together in the near future!

but anyways, she got off at monroe, which was fine, bc i was almost home anyway. BUT, i dont remember exactly where. i think around Roosevelt or maybe Sox-35th...these 4 kids got on and started acting pretty crazily. They were ripping the plastic screen protectors off the windows of the train and rolling them up. Presumably to use later but just to have fun, they started whacking each other with the pieces of plastic. and i was kinda shocked at myself for feeling somewhat paralyzed in the moment and scared. it wasnt bc they were black. it was just bc i didnt know what to do! i was afraid of how they would react or what they would do to me if i spoke up and said something! so instead, i just turned a blind eye and did my best to focus my attention elsewhere and simply look out the window! and i did almost get hit when 2 of the kids were hitting each other on opposing sides of the window and i think thats when the kid next to me noticed me. he was probably about 8 or so years old. he was definitely a child while the others were a bit older ranging from 8-16. but as i tried to politely leave, he grazed my butt with his plastic roll and from behind me, i heard him say, “haha, i touched that girl’s booty!” and i did feel a bit violated but i could chalk that up to being an accident if i really wanted to. so then i waited for my stop and it felt like the longest ride in between the two stops. but i waited and just did my best to ignore the kid and look out the window, ready to leave. to which, he definitely purposefully hit my butt again with the plastic, underneath my buttcheeks and said something along the lines of, “see ya, babe.” and i just sheepishly/nervously smiled and quickly left. and my thoughts were running pretty fast. i was in such shock and didnt think it would bother me as much as it did. i think the fact it was a kid and not an older man to which i actually really did feel helpless was nice but the fact that i was just physically sexually harassed at all surprised me. and i have been catcalled before but this was different! i felt so violated. he knew what he was doing and was proud of himself for having touched me. i felt violated. and i still do. i worry about what my first time having sex will be like if this is how i react to getting touched on the train. but anyways, i quickly told amanda and later my group chat with jordan and tykira and i was worried that they would brush it off and tell me it was no big deal. so i was pretty surprised when they were concerned for my safety and wellbeing instead. to which i responded that i was okay, just shocked. but their genuine concern meant a lot to me! i still cant really believe that happened and i had a really hard time concentrating or focusing on the lyrics of praise songs so i just prayed to God instead about how i do trust somewhere that this experience happened to me for a reason and it could have been a lot worse than it was but it wasnt. it happened and im here and i just have to accept it and move on. i dont know what was going on in that kid’s life and the best thing i can do is to just pray for him and wish him the best.

and finally, i slipped on this but the bathroom flooded at church today and idk who did it or when but i was honestly prepared to leave at first, had it not been for an ahjumma that came in and noticed the mess. and idk... something about that triggered something within me and i quickly ran to get a mop from the MPR and clean it up! it wasnt mine to clean and im sure someone else would have done it later. but for the time being, it was there and it was a mess and getting in the way of everyone’s restroom experience so i took initiative and cleaned up the mess. and honestly, a part of me hoped that p josh or yaeji or amanda or someone would see me or wonder why im taking so long and ask what i was doing. to which, i could humble brag and say i cleaned the restrooms faithfully though it was not my responsibility to do so. but no one asked or noticed my leave of absence. so i ended up just telling amanda instead and she didnt respond very enthusiastically which made me realize that i had made an error in my ways. and now im here, reporting it and reflecting upon it!

but yeah! thats where im at now! i was about to post this but then p josh messaged me about meetups and i started talking to him and im just really so blessed to have gotten to know him so much better over the summer and i reall yam excited to work with him this coming school year! i do believe that he has grown, a lot. and i am very proud of him. thank you for blessing and placing me here, God! I know i was weary at first but i really am so much happier here than i could have ever imagined!

#reflection

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