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inthestars011 · 4 years

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What it’s like falling in love with him 💓💓🥺 *check venus*

Based mostly on personal experience

Aries Venus- falling in

love with him was like always remembering the feeling of his loose red tee shirt even if you just felt the cotton warmth as it grazed your arm lightly as you walked past in the hallway. He’d stare right through you and make your body go cold, or sometimes he’d lightly smirk and you’d feel the burning of a million suns as they rolled and rolled

into the pit of your stomach without mercy. Loving him was like constant tension, an endless dark corridor. Loving him was like heartbreak that you begged for. He would say he just didn’t want you, and leave, disappearing through the trees and wistful breeze. But he would come back forceful and angry everytime he heard that your arm may be wrapped around another man, he’d ask you where you are and he couldn’t handle the thought of your fingers intertwined into other hands. Loving him made you angry and loving him set you free. You realized that the two of you were just not meant to be.

Taurus Venus- Loving him was like forgetting what it once felt like to be touch starved. Some days he’d let his fingers dance lightly on your leg, other days, he’d kiss your neck as you moaned and begged. Either way you knew you were home, you knew you were safe. There’s nowhere you’d rather lay, than under the sun and in his arms. Both sensations brought warmth and love. You’d laugh as he seemed to make your parents fall in love with him even more than you, he was so scared to lose you. He would cook for you, feed you hot soup when you were sick. sometimes, you’d disagree on things and he’d be kind of a dick. You will miss the golden summers in his eyes, the loyalty in his fingertips. You will miss the sun as it rested in the peaceful sky, the sweet honey in which you’d dip your feet in gently.

Gemini Venus- Falling in love with him was like laughing about the crude joke he made whilst being entranced with his sly smile as he wrapped his mouth around a beer bottle. You wanted him to savour you in his mouth and drink you like he did that Miller lite. He loved to make memories with you, even if memories is all that they are. A faint recall of true love, a remembrance of his smile. Butterfly’s are beautiful but are almost always gone by Sunday morning, he always brought a rude awakening without realizing. You will remember the fresh grass as it tickled your backs and not the sound of your heart as it cracked, you will remember staring at the stars and wanting to bathe in galaxies above, and while you looked up at those stars all he did was stare at you, and you’ll remember how the staring was slightly intrusive but nonetheless mischievous, innocent and cute. He was in awe. You will remember the nervous smiles, the cold bathroom tiles, the time worthwhile. You won’t remember your heart breaking.

Cancer Venus - Falling for him was like finally being cared for. You were an abandoned child left on a door step and he took you in and cradled you tight, he loved you even as you tried to fight, he loved you even when it didn’t feel quite right, he loved you through your darkness, through your stressful nights. As soon as his soft little heart decided you were family, he’d never ever leave your side and you’ll feel his wrath if you dare try. You were sick and broken and he held you, god, he was the only one who held you. He’d be moody and jealous and influence the entire mood of a room, he sometimes made you feel sad and wanting to find somewhere else to hide, crawl back up inside your mamas womb. He always made you comfortable, wrapped you up in a blanket full of love and he would show you there is warmth in not only the sun but also the moon and the stars. With him you didn’t feel unloved, no, love was always all around you and you didn’t have to search very far.

Leo Venus- A love with him was not a love that felt detached, no, you were the centre of his universe and that you were sure. He’d come home and tell you stories, some that made you laugh, some that made you cry. But they captivated you. God, he always captivated you. He was your gleaming star and you were his night, you were just perfect together, the shoe fit just right. He would get jealous, grabbing you and kissing you in front of everyone, you’d say “what the hell?” he’d chuckle and say “I wanted to claim what’s mine”. maybe that was too possessive and annoying or maybe you began to fall in love with it just as you did with his touch that gleamed and burned. people said when they heard you both giggle, the sound resembled two lovers as they intertwined, people would let out an “aww” as you two danced goofily in the living room after a few too many glasses of wine. He gave your heart exotic life under party lights and he let you win everytime at beer pong just because he wanted to please you. It took him a while to really reveal but one day he glanced at you and said “I really need you”.

Virgo Venus- falling for him was like finally being important. He worshipped you in a way that was quiet and soft. He criticized himself he never felt he was enough. He was always on his knees calling you an goddess as you sipped your fresh mint tea. You laughed and you said “I’m nothing of the sorts” he grabbed your face and told you, “ you absolutely are”. He helped you learned to love yourself and taught you so many things you never knew, theres so many things about the world and you really had no clue. He’d fix his hair and never know where to put his hands and you’d laugh and put them on your body and softly say “if you’re not sure where to put your hands; this is where I think they’ll stay”. He‘d shake with a nervous tremble and giggled with excitement. He picked the lint of your sweater and ran his fingers through your hair, he had an angelic type beauty, skin pure and fair. He would get grumpy when he was tired and sometimes it felt like he didn’t care, but he always gave his heart to you, he was always willing to share.

Libra Venus- He loved with a heart that was open and naive, a heart recklessly worn upon his sweater sleeve. He was so kind and soft he was almost unreal to you, he had hair like golden waves and a smile soft and true, he was delicious like candy, a body that was like a meal to you. And he was always read to be devoured as long as he could devour you too. There was red wine, roses on the bed, and fancy dates just for you two, the romance completely swept you away and never failed to enthral you. He was the prince and you were the princess and you giggled because you never knew that in a couple years would be living out a cheesy Taylor swift song in real life but here you were. Kissing the boy of your dreams, drinking champagne, and making love on the satin sheets. “Here we are baby, it’s just you and me.” He softly whispered in your ear, there’s no other words you’d rather hear.

Scorpio Venus- He loved you because you had a deepness about you, you had a sad soul and it struck him the right way. He never fucked with chit chat, no, he had a soul that yearned for more. He was destructively emotional, a mind that was at constant war. He wanted to change but only when he was with you, he could finally see good parts of himself, that he’d never seen before as you kissed along his scars and broken heart. He hated how much he loved you. some days he’d disappear and you wouldn’t hear from him, other days he couldn’t keep his hands off of you as he caressed along your body and wiped away your tears. He’d punch the wall and you hugged your knees, you’d scream as he crawled on the floor and cried, feeling weak. He taught you that love is something to fear. Love isn’t always clear. True love isn’t always comfortable and you felt that as his presence grew near.

Sagittarius Venus- He had eyes, full of lust honesty and fire. Two broken souls looking to move on, Bonnie and Clyde, forever on the run. Who said romance couldn’t be fun? He’d grab your bum and kiss you quick, soon the flame would burn out of the candle wick. He left you crawling for more, ugly, needy on the bathroom floor. You still recall the 3 am calls when you two felt like riding into the night and seeing where the stars take you, you touched the sky with your fingers tip, and then touched eachother and found meaning in the universe. Love can be true even when it is fleeting, a quick and passionate love can be just as defeating. Before you know it, he’s on a train, and you’re wondering why he ever went away. He’ll explain that his gods told him to go where he feels free and he can rest his head because down there he is authentic and true, and that he loves you so, but that place isn’t with you.

Capricorn Venus- He wants the poster image girl, someone sensitive and sweet to balance out his cold exterior. You were the only one who could make him feel truly warm. Before he knew it, he was in love. Perhaps it happened with a little playful nudge or a giggle in the wind. You were perfect for him, a match made in heaven, he was the wish you had been waiting for, your 11:11. He’d be quiet about it but as soon as he felt comfortable he told you about his dreams of picket white fences, lawn parties and kids learning how to play baseball in the yard. He told you he saw your face, Ivory and soft, blurry and faint in every one of those dreams. He worked till his hands hurt and you’d massage them at home, he had a serious look, stern to the bone. You’d kiss him and add the perfect softness to his life, it wasn’t long till he asked you “will you be my wife?”

Aquarius Venus- He wouldn’t dare say the word love, and he covered his ears as soon as the thought struck your mind and the word touched your tongue. Because you were only his best friend, a best friend that wore his stylish blue sweaters and he said you made them look better. You were just a best friend he couldn’t stop thinking about, a best friend that had a mouth he loved to taste, a best friend that he’s seen in only her lace. And you’d say “that doesn’t seem like a best friend to me” but all he’d do is laugh and disagree. Hed say “who’s to say what’s love and what’s lust, what is and what isn’t meant to be.” It hurt you because sometimes he was cold and almost alien like, but he was electric to the touch, he was neon lights and an addicting drug, so this so called “best friend” wasn’t someone you would give up.

Pisces Venus- once you are in love you saw him turn automatically soft, suddenly his hands melted into icecream and you couldn’t help but be addicted to how it was so sweet. He would tell you reminders of his love everyday, it was way of begging you to stay. He would tell you how sometimes you remind him of the flowers in may, or this really heart wrenching song he heard the other day. You would feel special and loved, like you two were angels or specks of stardust continuously falling. His love for you pours out like a waterfall and all you want to do is lay underneath and choke on it and let it drown you in the most hauntingly beautiful way. He is your saviour, your soft reminder of sunny days. He is what you never knew you needed when you always felt defeated, he was a wonderful sparkling surprise, he was more of a god than simply a guy.

#venus #venus signs #astrology #astro #love astrology #venus pisces #venus aquarius #venus capricorn #sagittarius venus #venus scorpio #venus libra #virgo venus #leo venus #gemini venus #cancer venus #taurus venus #aries venus

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ornamental-coral · 3 years

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Do you have houses combos you love besides Snake Bird ?

Hi sorry it’s take me so long to get to you ‘nonnie human you. I promise if anyone sends me questions, I will get to them eventually! It just takes a while for me thinking about them, researching about them (doing Birdy Bird things with even a one-sentence question...), forgetting I have a sort-hat-chats centered tumblr account (which is... can sort of a Bird thing but also a me thing), and then coming back so we are here (there. somewhere)

I myself am a Snake-Bird. I think I’m pretty neat. Birds are usually very good at entertaining themselves. I think. And I’m lucky I like myself enough because I spend a lot of time with me haha.

I’m a little in love with a remarkable amount of Lion primaries, Snake secondaries and Bird primaries (especially with a Snake secondary to make them extra hard to hold onto *rolls eyes) and apparently I love writing Badger Primaries? I guess I find the challenge of building an “ideal” society that is willing to address the current failings of our timeline a worthwhile challenge and my ink-children rise from the ether to meet me.

I’ve expanded below bar because this is actually a really interesting concept to me - how does a particular house combination react to the others. Below is just my meandering through how specifically My Snake Primary Bird secondary might react on a surface level to the other house types. This doesn’t mean I’m right. There are as many ways of acting within the house system as there are human beings and keep in mind, this is all in good fun.

____________________

Lions

The Idealism of the Lion Primary is something that I find admirable. I posted a more extended musing on the position of Snake Birds within media here. I think the Snake in me understands that when you pick up a person the way Snakes do, you pick up a lot of their wants and regrets too. Snakes pick up People, so that means the whole package. A Lion with a worthy cause can be a very attractive thing to a Snake, who will follow and support them in a very specific kind of way.

With Double Lions, and Lion Snakes there’s that urge to run after them with a fire-extinguisher in one hand and a big stick in the other - one to put out the fires a Double Lion inevitably lights and the Lion Snake may try purposefully to stoke, and the other to beat off anyone who dares to tell your Lion that they cannot Be A Lion. That’s something only the Snake can do, and that’s only because no matter what the Snake says, the Lion is still Their Person warts and all and the Snake Bird knows damn well what they were getting into, or at least thought they did.

Lion Birds house-match secondaries with Snake Birds but can have explosively different moral codes, largely because they method match. I personally find some Lion Bird characters a little grating because as the audience, I feel I’m getting the same information as the Lion, but as a Snake I have a little too much self-preservation to imagine myself doing anything much about it - at least not the way a majority of Lion Bird characters act - or I come to different conclusion. I also hate conspiracy theories because they require leaps of logic the my Bird model typically just can’t tolerate but the felt-house Lion will participate in. However, Lion Birds can also be the hard-boiled PIs, the Best-at-their-Job secret agents (hi Agent Coulson), the one who has Seen the World and Still Believes It Can Be Saved. So that’s admirable and fun.

Lion Badgers are sweet but my Snake Bird goes “fires, fires everywhere”. And like, not the kind your Lion Snake might think is funny when the Snake Bird tries to put them out. Think Steve Rodgers. MCU Steve has a really strong Snake Performance though when it comes to Bucky which MY Snake finds really confusing because it is So Strong I’d be willing to be money he would have at least tried to find a better way to get rid of the Tesseract if Bucky hadn’t fallen from that train and been declared KIA. I think that particular type of Snake performance also confuses Tony, which is part of why Civil War was the way it was.

But yeah, a fire that a Lion Badger wants to light? it’s not going to go out. For a Snake, having that as Your Person means you either really ride or die for them - and might actually literally have to die, or you are keeping them from burning themselves out before they accomplish whatever they’re doing. For a Snake Bird? this is alarming as hell and it’s a fight between the Secondaries to make sure the Lion takes care of themselves as part of the Lion’s “hard work” Badger, if they’re your person.

Birds

Bird primaries will “build” the people they love into the way they see the world. As a Snake, I think this is just really appealing to me? Snakes are loyal, and older Snakes have the life experience to realize that - painful as it is - this loyalty will not always be reciprocated in the way you hope for (this is the stereotypical bone of contention between Lions, Badgers and Snakes. Lions are focused on their cause and if the Snake’s protective instincts get in the way of that, that causes problems It also hurts when a Lion’s mission supersedes their affection for their Snake people. Badgers’ concerns are for their communities and the split of attention can drive the individually focused Snake crazy). If you get built into the Bird’s world, that always felt like something special and something that took hard work, which made it all the more valuable.

My Snake Birds also likes to imagine it’s equipped to learn to the things that a Bird variety believes in and address those things. It’s the kind of relationship that has the potential to go very wrong, and I do realize that. I think Snake Birds have the tendency to want to be everything for Their Person (or people) and our powers of observation mean that we take it a little personally when we’ve missed something. I’m tempted to call Kaz Brekker of Six of Crows a Snake Bird and it drives him to distraction that he can’t be everything, everywhere, all at once to the handful of a people he truly and deeply cares about.

The Bird Snake in particular house matches in a way that can be particularly challenging and attractive to a Snake Bird? A Snake Bird’s tool is, well, the Bird, and the whole persona can feel ridiculously pleased by being able to “pin down” the Bird Snake, which does not necessarily lend itself to being pinned. There’s also this strong urge to understand the Bird Snake.

So there’s the Snake secondary who delights in finding new ways to be, and a Bird Secondary delights in learning new things. The discovery element in that relationship can, as long as the Bird Secondary is not stifled by the Snake Primary’s concern, actually be really rewarding. Birds, and Bird Snakes in particular are also often really unique. They think differently, act differently, can be off putting to certain types of house combinations because their moral code can come off is so blue-orange, and is Built on top of that. Snakes take great pride in being very “this is my Person and their brand of weirdness is just another thing I love about them. And on top of that, I Know them.” with their people in any situation, and if a Snake can eventually prove to their Bird Primary that that feeling is unwavering, that’s a relationship that becomes central to both Snake and Bird.

That isn’t to say Birds can’t go dark, but usually they learn to be that way given Birds are evidence-gatherers. Unfortunately, this means I love them too because people of my generation and all generations before and hence have a thing for characters with trauma (see Loki, greasy prince extraordinaire). It’s -- it’s never not been a thing. Take a look at freaking Gilgamesh, which is the oldest things that we know of, look at Enkidu, and tell me he wasn’t your favorite. Gilgamesh is kind an arschloch of highest proportions. As a more palatable example of this Bird-villain thing, I sort of suspect Bucky Barnes is a Bird of some flavor. If he killed one person as the Winter Soldier, he’d feel bad but probably admit it was the brain washing - but he did it dozens of times. He wonders what does this say about him? He is possibly a Badger, but even pre-winter-soldier he doesn’t seem to care on as wide a scale as a Badger typically does. Steve is Built into the fabric of his world, and he doesn’t react to Steve’s death the way I expect a Snake to either. Maybe a really Old Seasoned Snake and I mean technically he’s old? but the cryogenics thing sort of means he’s not old enough to just let it go. He also doesn’t follow the boy from Brooklyn for reasons I would expect from a fellow Snake but I guess the new show might give more insight on that once I actually watch it.

Badgers

Okay, I like writing Badgers. [Leans back on chaise lounge] this probably has something to do with my mother.

Really though. I model Badger because my mother, although I love her and I’m really lucky to have her, is a teeny tiny bit horrified by Snake tendencies and drilled into me the morality that it is okay and it is above all Good to care about other people (for other Snakes, read Yes Even Strangers). To be fair, the prioritizing that Snakes do (which can get as focused as ”My people first, even if someone else far away is in trouble and I am acutely aware of it”) can seem pretty horrific to a Badger. They don’t necessarily get how you could believe everyone is a person and just... not care. And it’s hard to convince a Badger (for whom not acting can = they are not worth it) that you know exactly what you’re doing but are also aware that if you try to help everyone your head will explode because you can’t keep that many People up there. It’s why Snakes have their rings of caring.

But the result is that for me, Badgers are usually the ones left standing at the end of the story. If they’re done dirty, I like to try and fix it.

I don’t like how media treats Badger primaries generally though? There’s often something “goofy” or the Badger is treated as soft in a really unpalatable way. I mean, and to be fair this directly comes from the way a Snake can sort of be flummoxed with the way Badgers just do things for strangers, yes Badgers irl may be considered gentle. On an individual level, they are often the hearts and hearths of groups and homes. But there’s this weird place where The State is supposed to be a Badger-shaped institution, so that uneasy balance comes out in weird ways.

I don’t remember who said it, but the difference with Badgers and Snakes is that, with a Snake, you start out at Zero. You’re human, but you’re not the Snake’s human, so I will treat you like a human, but there are My People above you. And with a Badger, you sort of start out at like 85-100%? At least this is my perception. Badgers need-base and that off-balances Snakes.

A Snake with a Badger in my opinion needs to be “eyes open” in a different way than even a Snake with a Bird does, because the Snake needs to understand that the Badger is going to look and act similar - until they don’t, and then the Snake needs to be able to put aside the part of them that was attracted to the mirrored morality and actually work with the Badger to figure out what the Snake needs and how the Snake can in turn support the Badger.

Anyways though, I’m writing a thing where a Badger Bird-modeling-Badger is the last woman standing, committed to fixing a broken type of organization that her Snake, Bird, and Lion companions are Tired of. Lady Badger is nothing if not resilient. I’m writing another thing where a really really Burnt Badger man gets a safe place to learn to be part of a community that is meant to be mutually protective again (he dies because this is a fan work and that’s what happened in cannon, and this is arguably because he’s still unburning at that stage and doesn’t Have a proper community, but I hope to show him having at least Some happy times because in the sh**show show he didn’t have any at all). I’ve got a slightly less developed thing where a number of Badger performing princes learn to work together to fix their kingdom and unbury the history that created it.

Aaand It’s nearing midnight, I have clearly lost the thread of the thread or whatever

Goodniiight to all my houses. Love you all even if I didn’t write about you here.

-Ornamental

#ornamental answers #ask answered #snake primary #bird secondary #House interactions #lion primary #Bird Primary #badger primary #wip sorts #late night posts #sortinghatchats

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arcticfox007 · 3 years

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Epilogue: Christmas Day

Epilogue to the Destiel December Challenge that took on a life of it’s own!

Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me throughout this Christmas story, I’ve had so much fun and I’ve appreciated each and every comment, kudos, reblog, and like I’ve received. Check out the Master Post for these and AO3!

I do have a Valentine’s Day timestamp planned, so let me know if you want to be added to the tag list or removed <3

***

Dean wakes up slowly, feeling warmer than he usually does in the bunker, especially considering that he seems to be sleeping in his underwear. Still groggy, Dean wills his eyelids open to find arms wrapped around him and realizes the warmth is coming from Cas, and his wings. While he can’t exactly see it there, he can feel one wing draped over him acting as an extra blanket. Dean sighs in relief as there was part of him that wondered if last night had been a dream. Realizing that Dean is waking up, Cas pulls him in even closer, his hand pressing the feather pendant over Dean’s heart. Dean smiles, remembering that Cas told him he’d be able to hear Dean’s heartbeat through the pendant.

“Do you like being able to hear my heart, Cas?” Cas makes a pleased rumbling noise while pressing his face into the back of Dean’s neck. He then rubs his cheek up towards Dean’s jaw, giving Dean the amusing image of his warrior angel as a large purring cat. Dean turns into Cas, flipping over so they’re facing one another. Cas seems almost shy as he caresses Dean’s face and looks at him through his dark eyelashes.

“Hearing your heartbeat is wonderful, I enjoy the reminder that you’re keeping a part of me close to you.” Dean huffs out a quiet laugh and leans in to kiss Castiel. It’s a softer kiss than some of the more passionate ones they’d share last night, but Dean enjoys it just as much. Cas’ perpetual stubble rubs on Dean’s face, and Dean discovers he enjoys the sensation. While Dean is more than happy with sleepy and comforting kisses, he also wants Cas closer. He throws one leg over the angel’s thigh, slotting Cas’s leg in-between his knees.

“I’ve wanted this for so fucking long, you have no idea. Just to touch you, kiss you, see you next to me like this.” Dean’s words are spoken in heated whispers. He’s desperate to convey just how much it means that Cas is here with him. While Dean feels twinges of lust mixing in with the sensations of meeting Cas’ lips with his own, he’s not in a rush to take things any further. For the first time in forever Dean feels like he has time to explore, time to cherish, time to bask in the gentle touches of his angel’s hands holding him close.

Unfortunately, their lazy explorations of one another are interrupted by the sudden slam of Dean’s door being thrown open.

“Merry Christmas Dean! C’mon an- oh. Oops.” Sam looks like a deer in headlights as he takes in his brother and Cas both staring back at him, with their limbs tangled together and wearing very little in the way of clothing. “Uh, I guess that answers the question of whether or not you’d seen Cas this morning…”

Cas starts laughing, more uncontrollably than anything Dean has seen before. It’s joyous and infectious and soon Dean is also laughing, hard enough that tears start trickling down his cheeks. At some point Sam must have made himself scarce and Dean and Cas share a few more smiling kisses before pulling on their obligatory Christmas pajamas and making their way towards the common areas.

***

Sam is thrilled with the rare lore book Cas gives him and shocked that Dean broke with tradition to give him a mini blender so he can more easily make his health nut smoothies. Sam had already given Dean the Cas tree topper doll, but he also broke with tradition to get Dean a massaging seat for the Impala which Dean may have scoffed at before getting closer to middle aged, but now found himself looking forward to trying out.

Cas tears up when Dean gives him the bee mug from their night out at Midnight Madness. Unexpectedly matching Dean’s gift, Cas gave him a month’s worth of coffee from the Inn they’d stayed at after explaining to Sam he’d already given Dean his real present. Dean was then prompted to tell Sam he’d shown Cas his room the other night, and explained that Sam had helped Dean get everything together for it. Excitement lights up Sam’s eyes on hearing how much Cas loved the room, and he quickly pushes another gift towards Cas to unwrap.

“They’re for your room. There are a lot though, so I figured you could pick the ones you wanted and we could put anything else up around the rest of the bunker.” Cas takes the lid off of the now unwrapped box and gasps. He starts to pull out picture frames and spread them out, handing a few over to Dean. There are pictures from times they’d been on hunts together and someone happened to have a phone with a worthwhile camera. There are pictures of individuals and groups. There are pictures of Claire, and even one of Cas and Claire that Dean doesn’t remember having been taken. He notices Cas props that one up on a nearby table before returning to the rest of the pile. He pulls aside ones of just Dean and Cas, and ones of Cas with Sam, Charlie, and even an older one with Bobby.

“When did you get these?” Cas seems surprised as he looks at the bottom of the box, but pleasantly so. Dean leans over to see and finds pictures of them at Midnight Madness. Dean’s heart feels like it stutters for a moment as he looks at him and Cas painting chocolate on one another’s faces. There’s a picture of the two of them when they almost kissed at the Phoenix Emporium, and another of them laughing together while playing Clue at the Inn. Then there’s the one Dean knew Charlie had taken of them wearing ridiculous knit hats in front of one of the Christmas trees that had been part of the main display. Dean realizes that he’d been kidding himself to think Cas hadn’t returned his feelings, it’s captured in each and every photograph.

“Charlie. She snuck in a lot of pictures while we were hanging out.”

“Thank you, Sam. I’ll have to thank Charlie as well, this is a wonderful gift.” Cas beams a smile at Sam and they start chatting about which pictures should go where. Dean asks if he can have the one from the chocolate making class for his room and Cas hands it over happily while Sam gives him a smug look.

“What?” Dean holds the picture defensively against his chest while glaring at his bitch of a brother. Sam, tries to make an innocent face, but Dean knows him too well and continues to glower at him.

“Nothing, I’m just glad you like the pictures Dean.” Cas looks between the two of them, confused.

“I do like the pictures Samantha. Even if you and Charlie were clearly stalking Cas and I with some sort of ulterior motive in mind.” Dean continues to glower at his brother.

“I don’t understand, Dean. Why do you think Sam and Charlie were taking pictures?”

“Don’t listen to him Cas, Dean just can’t accept a gift that makes him have feelings without being a jerk.” Sam actually has the audacity to stick his tongue out while facing Dean. What the hell?

“Don’t act like you and Charlie weren’t plotting to get Cas and I together. I heard you calling Charlie after you walked in on us this morning.” Dean states while still starting down Sam.

“If that is the case, I have even more to thank you and Charlie for Sam.” Cas gets up and hugs Sam and then wanders over to curl up on Dean’s side. “Are you really mad, Dean? Would either of us have ever said anything otherwise?” Cas looks up at him with unfair puppy-dog eyes.

“Fine. No, I guess not. Whatever. Stop feeding Sam’s smugness.” Dean rolls his eyes but also throws his arms around his angel pulling him closer. Sam is absolutely radiating an aura of you owe me and I’m amazing, but Dean chooses to ignore him for now.

If he’s honest, Dean doesn’t really mind. He has Cas, and while he knows being together won’t always be this easy, he’s grateful for any moment that he can spend with his arms around the person he loves.

***

@galaxycastiel, @jellydeans, @nguyenxtrang, @my-favourite-hellatus

#destiel december 2020 #destiel december #destiel fic #destiel #castiel with wings #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #charlie supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural #spn family #spn #arcticfox007writes

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nighttimepixels · 4 years

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someone asked me a really fun & interesting question that i got to answer earlier about my girls and now i’m curious about the lilytale ladies, if they were to be goddesses what would each of their domains be?

H… holy hell I love this ask,, guess who is weak for deity-type AUs?? THIS CHICK. It could go so many ways with them, tbh, but let’s go with…

(shortened list here, details about them under the cut! :D)

Serif (Lady UT Sans): Goddess of Stories and Memory

Vellum (Lady UT Pap): Goddess of Exploration and Discovery

Sapphire (Lady US Sans): Goddess of Light and Warmth

Amber (Lady US Pap): Goddess of Muses and Inspiration

Crimson (Lady UF Sans): Goddess of Combat and Bloodshed

Scarlet (Lady UF Pap): Goddess of the Hunt and Cold

Pepper (Lady SF Sans): Goddess of Passion and Greed

Cinnamon (Lady SF Pap): Goddess of Desire and Envy

Blade (Lady HT Sans): Goddess of Harvest and Ritual Madness

Twist (Lady HT Pap): Goddess of New Growth and Spiritual Ecstasy

Alpha (Lady Q Sans): Goddess of Invention and Ingenuity

Glyph (Lady G!Sans): Goddess of Music and Dance

Dusk (Lady HF Sans): Goddess of the Lost and Forgotten

Dawn (Lady HF Pap): Goddess of the Untamed and Abandoned

Serif (Lady UT Sans): Goddess of Stories and Memory

Be it history or legends or the excitement of a bard’s tale, Serif is the one mortals seek for support in this. She’s a very accommodating goddess, in fact, and though she enjoys offerings of any sort of homemade food or pillow or blanket, her favorite off-beat offering is precisely what she reigns over - a story, told from the heart. Her followers are often the ones seeking to establish celebrations of stories in local communities, both real and fiction, and the murky in between, and the more stories you share or inspire, the more likely you are to find her favor.

Too, if you cross her - or, as mortals tell it, even if you cross her deific sister or strange associated friends of her fellow goddesses, you’ll find your memory wavering in crucial moments, your stories flat, your histories lost, your spark for that weaving of tales that unites all mortals all but severed.

Vellum (Lady UT Pap): Goddess of Exploration and Discovery

She’s a popular goddess not just among those setting out on journeys, but with those attempting to discover things about themselves, or in their field of passion - and particularly amongst children! Loving parents frequently seek Vellum’s blessing to help inspire bright-eyed children to maintain that spark with ever more life. You’ll have even better luck if you offer her sweets or proof of discovery - and most difficult but rewarding of all, if you can bring her something that allows her a discovery and bit of exploration of her own! (Rumor has it, clever puzzles are a great way to go if you’ve a mind for them…)

Her favor usually just recedes rather than turns outright sour if it does at all, and that’s mostly when you prove yourself cruel to others. However, if you purposely snuff out someones sense of wonder & eagerness to discover, you may find yourself on the rare outright bad side of her opinion… and godspeed to any mortal that thinks they can survive long without blessings in regards to discovery in their everyday life.

Sapphire (Lady US Sans): Goddess of Light and Warmth

The rising sun, the kindle of the hearth, the flicker of a lantern, the gentle guidance of the moon and stars - all these are in Sapphire’s domain, and all these make her all the more loved. She’s nothing so raging as fire, but without her mortals would be well and truly lost - and so for her, people tend to rejoice. Her temples are frequently overflowing with offerings, glimmering rocks that catch the light, a blanket laid out to be taken by those less fortunate to keep themselves warm, a warm cup of tea, a few matches.

Her followers are adamant that she particularly prefers things in her domain that can be of use to those who truly need them, and so are open to be taken should the need truly arise. They’re right, of course - though you might find yourself of the very sour side of her favor if you take of (or withhold) these things without need… particularly if it’s on purpose/in spite. Good luck in those cold nights after you’ve proven yourself cruel, when you can’t seem to hide from the whisper of a breeze that snuffs your every match, when the nights seem darker, the stars obscured by clouds… She’s hard to piss off, but not impossible.

Amber (Lady US Pap): Goddess of Muses and Inspiration

Creatives the world over celebrate the blessings of Amber! She’s a tricky one at times, often pictured with an ineffable, almost mischievous smile - her blessings can come with a twist. You may not know how you’ll be inspired, but frequently it’s not how you expect - but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Her most ardent followers (artists, writers, musicians, craftspeople - but also countless workers of all fields) often laugh as they curse and thank her in the same breath, inspired for a dozen new things as much as their current work.

She’s got a lesser affiliation with seeking help in finding new paths in life in general - but she’s got a good track record with those that think to seek her help in this regard. And hey, if you’re leaving her baked goods or the results of your latest inspiration, then you’re likely in her good graces.

Crimson (Lady UF Sans): Goddess of Combat and Bloodshed

A fierce goddess that some are a bit too nervous to pray to - but most seek her help at some point in life. War and fighting are common topics, which she works with of course, but lesser known is just how ferociously she acts on behalf of a very different kind of bloodshed, too. She’s most often favoring the underdog, those that desperately need her help, who are taken advantage of and in a terrible bind; but this also includes anyone who has periods. Bloodshed amongst mortals means so many things, and when in the dark of the night, she hears the tightly whispered pleas of those who fear what may happen if their cycle doesn’t come, she has a perfect track record of helping them. Too, those that experience pain or other difficult symptoms, she finds ways to help them - it’s not always pain relief, but perhaps some sort of reward for bearing the burden of such regular bloodshed.

She sees the red that stains cloth and skin and ground alike, no matter how looked over it is by most; she believes those that soldier through it deserve more, and provides the strength to continue on, dreams to soothe the aches of the heart in these hardest of days, and a little more sureness of foot to carry your weary body. Her favorite offerings tend to involve good liquor, but she also enjoys those that linger in her temples, offering tales of their hard-won battles - whether with a weapon, or in the mere workings of their life.

Scarlet (Lady UF Pap): Goddess of the Hunt and Cold

While many pray to her during the hard cold months of winter, any hunter would be a fool to embark without offering a prayer to Scarlet. It’s rare they don’t; it’s not so much that she’d be offended and curse their endeavors, but they’re so much more likely to be successful or find some good favor or growth in their ability that it would be a waste not too. She’s a proud goddess, yet also isn’t one to stand much on ceremony; a cold night’s hunt, while taxing, may also find you the most blessed by her. She rarely gives simple blessings; rather, through her work you may find your skill growing. Some opportunity arising during your hunt to become better than you were in some aspect of it. It’s convoluted, yet worthwhile… if you put in the effort and show your dedication to her affinity.

Offerings of some small portion of your hunt certainly go far, but she also enjoys long tales - most particular of hunts of the heart, pursuit of who you love… in a consensual way, of course. Terrible things come to those she finds have been turning their skills in hunting to provide onto hunting to hurt… many have come to a grisly end, legend says, themselves becoming the hunted in their final days as she drew out their ending as a punishment for what they instilled in others by sullying her domain.

Pepper (Lady SF Sans): Goddess of Passion and Greed

Curiously, her followers are quite split on whether her temples should be lavish or spartan; some argue that she most favors passion of the heart and mind, and therefore would most prefer that passion directed in a way that enriches your life and the lives of others, while others argue that she most favors passion of the body, and so her temples ought to celebrate physical feats, both intimate and otherwise. Technically, they’re both right - her domain spans it all. Pepper is the Goddess of all things Passionate; be it your skill or most loved artform or topic, or be it your acts of passion for those you love.

Offerings that prove your passion, though it seems vaguely described, are what she most favors; that has lead to some temples having… closed off, private sections, for passion between people that wish for blessings to keep such passion cultivated, shall we say. She’s also a fiery goddess, and even if you don’t slight her in particular - well, let’s just say if you act to quash the passion of another (providing it’s not actively harming anyone else’s ability to pursue happiness), you’ll pay a heavy price and may find yourself haunted by apathy and a bottomless, unfulfilled greed with none of the satisfaction of acquisition.

Cinnamon (Lady SF Pap): Goddess of Desire and Envy

Some scholars argue that her and her sister’s domains overlap too much - and it’s true, there is overlap, and many find themselves most successful in praying to both of them. Cinnamon’s domain is broad, however, and is a double-edged sword of the most bittersweet variety. More often than not she’s instigating desire in others, of varying kinds; a challenge to overcome, to sort through, to feel ever more alive in your curious mortal coil. Desire can lead to passion, or to joy, or to curiousity or to combat; it can involve discovery, or storytelling, or it can turn dark in so many ways… not the least of which is brooding, broiling envy.

She’s a gateway to many other domains, and is as loved as she is cursed. Best offer her something tasty, or else find a way to offer something that sparks desire in her as well (a tricky matter indeed, but she likes followers that get creative).

Blade (Lady HT Sans): Goddess of Harvest and Ritual Madness

One of several goddesses here who have a twist in their domain; she’s affiliated with autumn for obvious reasons, though any harvest at any time of year is best had with a prayer and offering to her. Most importantly, though, is the celebration of that harvest (especially in the fall) - and the celebration of this cycle of life. In the death of what has been harvested is the life of you and yours; in your life, brings new life, to be harvested in the future again… and on again. It’s a madness of it’s own, the circle of life; and the more you allow yourself (and ideally, as many people as possible) to celebrate in a raucous, near-mad party that indulges in the absurdity of existence, with food and drink and music and dancing, the more your following year will likely see good harvest.

Life is for living is Blade’s opinion, and the opinion of her most ardent of followers. Even in lean years, celebration and letting loose is encouraged as much as can be managed, at least on a single day, if not the usual several. Her offering is the ritual madness itself, combined with the act of feasting and sharing food with others. Those that would take without providing support of some kind, that would take advantage of the harvesters or quash the stolen joy of the festivals… well. They don’t just have bad luck. Whispers in the winter say such people might just disappear.

Twist (Lady HT Pap): Goddess of New Growth and Spiritual Ecstasy

Often affiliated with Spring and Summer too, she nonetheless has domain over new growth in other times of the year… and, most pointedly, over growth that doesn’t relate to plants, too. While every farmer worth their salt offers prayers and first blooms to Twist come planting season, so too do people looking to embark on new paths, to become someone better, someone they can strive to be proud of. Too, she welcomes those that don’t know to pray to her… that don’t know how much they need that growth. It’s up to them whether they notice the subtle opportunities that arise under being under her watchful eye, whether they take the step in a positive direction, but she always hopes.

The madness of spiritual ecstasy is associated with her, too. It’s the sensation of breaking through an emotional wall you’d never thought you’d find crumbling under your desperate hands; it’s the vibrance of a dawn after a storm you never should have survived. It’s the incandescent moment of connection with a person your soul sings for; it’s the moments you’re moved to tears, your throat closing, your body trembling as every sense takes in too much atop a heart that cannot bear the agonizing beauty of a moment. It’s the power in a hand that’s always been too weak to bear what you witness yourself nonetheless bearing; it’s the ecstasy of a thousand voices rising in unison, bonded in the name of a single movement. You can pray for it all you want, but it is no easy thing to get; and yet such moments are of her orchestration, a madness you could never bear for long and yet could spend your entire life treasuring the few stolen moments you’ve had.

Alpha (Lady Q Sans): Goddess of Invention and Ingenuity

Little and small inventions alike, clever ruses and brilliant arguments, moments of connecting those two seemingly unconnectable dots - these are all under Alpha’s domain, and she relishes them. It’s a little madness in and of itself, sometimes, but should you cave to seeking it and see it through, you’ll see why her followers are so adamantly devoted. Her temples are akin to science and art museums, at times; prototypes left for her, people reciting brilliant breakthroughs in arguments, children convening to exclaim over their clever game or some connection that had never been explained, yet they made anyways.

Alpha doesn’t discriminate based on any strata of society, and in fact favors underdogs herself… and more intriguingly, is known to be amused by those who attempt to be clever in their prayers too- so long as it’s in good faith, and not just to be an ass. She’s been known to make an ass of those who try to turn cleverness to cruel advantage, and people murmur about those that get a bit too big for their breeches being cursed after flaunting being blessed by her and get greedy or forget to give thanks where it’s due (not just to her, but to the others around the person that made their invention/ingenuity possible).

Glyph (Lady G!Sans): Goddess of Music and Dance

As on the tin, her domain is precisely what you’d expect. There’s not a festival or celebration that doesn’t feature cheers to her, and every musician the land over frequents her temples which are never quiet. Some pray to both her and Amber, seeking inspiration in their music and dance, others combine their offerings between her and Pepper, seeking passion in their art, and still others pair her and Serif, in their effort to tell stories through music and dance- this doesn’t phase Glyph as goddess, and in fact she tends to appreciate those who connect her to other goddesses the most. Truly, she can be connected to them all, and her followers believe that she is in fact happiest when these connections are forged.

Her offerings most frequently come in the form of her domain itself, followers and prayers offered via songs or dances in her name, but too people may find themselves with her blessing if they offer their time to help others with their own music and dance, sharing the love and life of it. Rumor has it that wherever you find celebrations, where music beats with the footsteps of the dancing crowd, you may just find the silhouette of the goddess herself, dancing and inspiring song without people wholly realizing just whom they shared such a moment with.

Dusk (Lady HF Sans): Goddess of the Lost and Forgotten

Her temples are fewer and further between; in truth, there are only one or two that could even be truly called that. More frequently, small shrines are offered to her. At the edges of dark, haunting forests, on misty, cold beaches and at the edges of vast deserts… and too, in the shadows of dark alleyways, where people can be forgotten in plain sight. People who find themselves lost pray to her, quiet and desperate and alone, no matter how many people are around them. Those that pray, however abstractly, on behalf of those lost and forgotten, too, may find blessings as well, guiding lights home when the night seems too dark to get there, the call of a bird that draws them back to a path, or perhaps the flicker of a connection, an outreached hand, when they were in danger of losing themselves not physically, but emotionally or mentally.

She is not a popular goddess, but she is the quiet sort, at the edges of society; those that seek her help, truly, will rarely find themselves turned away, even if what they receive in turn is not what they expected. She has a particular affinity for those who find themselves lost while trying to help others, or while trying to resist the pressures that would have them or their loved ones otherwise crushed. She doesn’t expect much in offerings; curiously enough, simply a heartfelt prayer, and perhaps a return to a place you nearly lost yourself to lay down a blanket, or some food for another lost soul, will have you greatly in her favor indeed.

Dawn (Lady HF Pap): Goddess of the Untamed and Abandoned

Sister goddess to Dusk, of course, many confuse their domains, and yet their overlap is not as great as people would think. Whether it’s the untamed wilds or the untamed spirit, fighting viciously for what it believes in, it falls into her massive domain. So too are those not just lost or forgotten, but truly abandoned, by the will of someone who had the power to choose otherwise. Gentle to those affected by her domain, and vicious to those that landed them there, she’s a lesser-understood goddess who has a small but fierce following. Her temples are less temples and more… holy sites, in a way, some wild piece of landscape with a shrine built that is almost part of the landscape itself.

Her offerings tend to be supplies laid for those that are abandoned, simple things; but too, she has an affinity for wildflowers and rough crystals. You’ll have the best luck if the wildflowers are native and planted by her shrine, rather than cut down (where it will inevitably wilt and die); those that have received her blessing will often speak in awed, hushed tones of a great silhouette in the distance, five, six, seven times the height of a human… not an omen of ill fate, but a harbinger of a blessing they thought might never come.

#torrikor #night answers #lilytale asks #lilytale #imagine the lilytale crew #lilytale but goddesses #hnnnngh oh no its one of my (many) weaknesses #lilytale asks now may or may not include dusk and dawn it depends #but mostly i love the hf sisters so *eyes emoji*#long post #ahhhh i hope literally anyone likes this i took too long thinking about it and writing it up XD #i could've rambled more but hoo boi gotta reign myself in pff #lilytale goddesses totally have their own mountain 'palace'/temple

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haikyuu-matches · 4 years

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｡˚✰˚✦ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐏

exchange with @angelwithglasswings

— ❛ 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂'𝗅𝗅 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽 ❜

˚✶⋆｡˚☆ﾟ✦

thank you for requesting the first starburst matchup/exchange! i had a lot of fun with this ahh! you’re such a sweetheart, and i really hope you like your matchup !! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

˚✶⋆｡˚☆ﾟ✦

— 【❈】 ‣ i match you up with . . . 𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐘𝐀 𝐘𝐔𝐔 !!

when i read your description, i definitely got the vibes you need a match who will have relentless determination to support you & bring you out of your shell whenever you’re with him. a kind of partner who will accept you with all your strengths & weaknesses. . . and will never hesitate to draw you in while saying you’re perfect when you feel especially low--

and thus, this leads me to talk about the best hype-man & number one sweetheart: nishinoya yuu.

from a mbti standpoint, an infj x esfp may seem like they don’t have much in common . . . they have enough differences that almost make them polar opposites. but hear me out: this difference, in terms of your relationship with nishinoya, works out splendidly.

like any relationship, nothing ever is perfect, but yours comes pretty close. nishinoya complements your traits with his own and vice versa. if i’m being honest, the notion opposites attract is real here. to your anxious and insecure nature, nishinoya will bestow confidence and a sense of calm (somehow, his energetic tendencies will do the trick)!

if you’re ever feeling down because someone is taking advantage of your kindness, you better believe your guardian deity that is nishinoya yuu will always be there to tell a person off & stand up for you no matter what. if you struggle to say no . . . much like a guard dog, he’ll intervene and inspire you to stand by your convictions, too.

additionally, nishinoya is a great match because his infectious positive energy & live-in-the-moment kind of ways will influence you greatly- you tend to feel things deeply & then get caught up in your own thoughts and self-criticisms. however, nishinoya will give a peace of mind by allowing you to get out of your head & enjoy life to the fullest. he’ll make you remember again the feeling of child-like curiosity & wonderment.

moreover, he’ll draw out your playful side for sure-- and he loses it whenever you have a perfectly-timed joke or punch-line. he visibly brightens up whenever you laugh and smile that it then becomes his life-long mission to maintain your high level of happiness.

the libero is ready to bring a spontaneous and fun component to your relationship at any time, such as fun date ideas that perhaps you never thought of before. but, at the same time, he’ll be sensitive to your needs and wants. yes, he enjoys adventure & fun, but as your relationship progresses, you notice he can also be chill and decently calm when needed. there will end up being a balance of fun outings & stay-at-home sort of dates (ie: a movie at home with takeout or video game night). it doesn’t matter what you guys do because it’s the company that truly matters to you.

for instance: stargazing? oh yes-- he’ll be sure to open the blinds ! cuddling? he’ll make a personalized music playlist to match the mood & don’t think he forgot about the candles because he knows that’s an integral, soothing aspect of the date. although you may have to tell him which candle scent is best to light. just about anything works with nishinoya, and he’ll be happy being with you.

of course, if you guys are playing video games, nishinoya will try his ultimate best to impress you by either beating you or the boss stage . . . unfortunately, him doing that doesn’t happen as often as he’d like. and you end up teasing him & laughing at his sorry attempts. as you probably would guess, he’ll pout saying you’re being "mean”, and that his happiness meter will only be restored if you give him a kiss. . . well, you may have to indulge him there.

also-- i must add, nishinoya is a total hug monster & he’ll definitely be down to staying in and cuddling, too!! he’s not as serious about academics, but you find out that if you cuddle him & then talk or read about certain topics that were discussed in class. . . he actually retains the information better because it’s you . . . and he’ll always be seriously attentive & listen up. plus, study dates are such a time because if you implement this reward system, it keeps him motivated (ie: snacks or a kiss for correct answers).

also ! nishinoya get so fired up about supporting you that you may be taken aback at how he gets into the things you are into— even the witch themed things & fantasy stories. he’ll support your hobbies— like, he’ll have to be quiet when you’re shooting an arrow, but after, he’ll root for you so loud!

if you support him at his volleyball games? oh, he’ll be so smitten & would definitely want to make it worthwhile. he’ll positively bounce over to you after his games & chat quickly about if you indeed saw what he did here and there!

anyway. . . nishinoya does try to sweep you off your feet-- for instance, he actually has an eye for cute, small gifts to brighten up your day. that stuffed animal you’ve been eyeing at a certain game booth? you blink, and the next thing you know nishinoya is proudly holding it out to you because he’s stubborn when he wants to win (not just the plushy but your affections).

for all his goofs and his attempts to keep you happy, you bring something so very important as well to keep him secure & happy. a sense of grounding. if nishinoya could, he could go on so many exploits & pull you along to exact the fun things in life, but you do a good job of keeping him aware of the realities of life.

you help shift his perspective to valuing the lasting connection with people rather than solely the fun moments.

he also treasures how you have a good head on your shoulder-- you don’t dive into things; you’re a little more cautious & use your head to think things through. you have a better impulse control than him suffice to say. and, you essentially help him understand things that he doesn’t care to think through about.

plus, he thinks your very personality is beautiful. beyond your pretty looks, you care about others & doing well in life. he finds it admirable that even if you have insecurity, you still find a way to do it all with evidence of success in school & co-curriculars. and that’s why he’s not only your #1 boyfriend but also fan (kiyoko is eternally gratefulf for this lol).

on the other hand, the main conflict i can see you guys having is the fact you two are so different, which is ironic because that’s also the reason why you two are at your most harmonious.

to elaborate, there will be times when you’ll butt heads about what to do and big decisions because you two are very different-- those are the times when things you normally can work through easily, taking account of both of your perspectives, just doesn’t work for this one problem.

and it can be tough to see eye-to-eye and have things run smoothly. but at the end of day, even if you two argue, there will be always resolution . . . you two just can’t stay at odds- the conflict can be intense in the moment, but nishinoya tends to get over things fairly quick & he’s not too prideful to say sorry.

makeup hugs & kisses are a must as nishinoya definitely thrives on the love languages of quality time & physical touch. it’s his way of showing his love & appreciation!

overall, your relationship is just. . . goals. when you’re together, you two learn a lot about each other but also yourselves. furthermore, there’s always a shared thought you can be yourselves no matter what & you’ll accept each other through and through.

possible runner-ups:

bokuto koutarou

lev haiba

#starburst matchup #exchange matchup #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu matchup #haikyuu #nishinoya yuu #haikyuu request #haikyuu requests #hq matchups #hq matchup #exchange #haikyuu!!#hq #angelwithglasswings

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chiaki-translation · 4 years

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A3! SSR Tsumugi (Eternally Wandering) Backstory

So.... I think I’ll just be translating the backstory for the characters in Stray Devil Blues for awhile because the story means a lot to me. So this time, it will be Tsumugi! Love this card, his unbloomed version looks very cool and different from his usual vibes and I kinda like to call it SMUG-i just because~

Summary:

Tsumugi met his university friend and helped him to serve in a Devil’s Concept Restaurant.

Btw, I’m referring to this card:

And so, enjoy the translation below~

Disclaimer:

A3! is owned by Liber Entertainment

Devil’s Restaurant

Translator’s Note: Chuunibyou refers to 8th Grader Syndrome, is when a person acting as if he is a character from an anime.

???

Tsukioka, over here.

Tsumugi

Long time no see.

???

You don’t really change, do you.

Tsumugi

Tajima, you too.

Tajima

Really?

When I meet the other guys from university, I’ve always been told that I look old.

It’s good for you-

You still have a student vibe around you.

Tsumugi

I wonder if that’s the case.

Tajima

Are you still in the same troupe as Takato now?

Tsumugi

Yeah.

Tajima

Really, it’s been so long.

Tsumugi

There was a time we were not together.

Tajima

Even with our circle friends, for those who continued with theatre play, there are people who ended up quitting. To be honest, for everyone who were together with you guys, we are pleased to see you guys entering the same company.

Tsumugi

Is that so?

Tajima

Somehow, it feels like nothing changes.

Tsumugi

Haha, I guess so.

Tajima

Let’s meet up with everyone this time.

It seems it would be hard to match up our times with everyone though.

Tsumugi

Let’s call Tasuku as well.

Tajima

I’ll leave it up to you.

I haven’t seen that guy at all.

Tsumugi

By the way, how is the circle doing now?

Tajima

Did you not go to the school festival?

Tsumugi

Uh, I didn’t have the opportunity to……

After graduation, I was away from theater for awhile, Tasuku was also busy with GODza.

Tajima

We have been having less and less member near graduation, remember?

After that, the number keeps dwindling, now it’s more or less in the brink of destruction.

Tsumugi

Eh, so that’s it……

Tajima

Well, it’s still holding out somehow.

Last year, they called helpers to help out with the school festival’s performance. Let’s go see it together this year.

Tsumugi

Sure, by all means.

(This year, I do want to see it for another reason……)

Actually, there will be a kid from my company enrolling in Fuyou university this Spring.

Tajima

Oh! Then, I have to invite him to the circle.

Tsumugi

I wonder about that……

Tajima

We can help and pitch in a bit for the sake of our juniors.

Introduce him to me next time.

Tsumugi

(This is about Masumi-kun, I might have to refuse……)

Haha…… Then, maybe during the school festival.

Tajima, recently what have you been doing?

Tajima

I’m not an actor, but I’m involved in this one big performance.

An actor acquaintance of mine started a business and they are casting people for their concept restaurant.

Tsumugi

Oh……

(Something like an actor’s café maybe)

Even at our theatre company, our members have been helping out in this kind of shop every year.

Tajima

If that’s the case, it’s a great opportunity!

The concept restaurant will be open soon and there’s still a lot of opening for the staff members.

If you’re available, Tsukioka, can you help me out?

It would be great if you can get Takato too.

Tsumugi

I think Tasuku will be busy with a performance, but if it’s only me, I might be able to make it……

Let me check my schedule for a moment.

Tajima

That’ll be a great help!

Tsumugi

……

Director

(Tsumugi san, he looks really serious……)

What are you reading?

Tsumugi

It’s the preparation for the concept restaurant that I’ll be helping out this time.

Each person is given an elaborate setting, there’s a need to study the role properly.

Director

What kind of role is it?

Tsumugi

Angels and Devils live inside the heart of every human being.

It’s a setting where the human will change personality everytime they sneeze.

Director

Oh, sounds interesting!

Tsumugi

There aren’t a lot of roles where the faces of the character changes alternatingly so this seems to be worthwhile to do as practice.

I’m referencing Michael from our debut performance for the Angel’s direction, as for the devils, I got the detailed idea from Itaru kun.

Director

(I guess that’s Itaru san’s specialty……)

Looks like you’re going to be able to use your experience from the actor’s café.

Tsumugi

It’s true.

But, in actor’s café I was acting as a clerk character who serves the customer, this time, there will be waiters around for the job.

The cast member will be performing a show during the meal courses, it seems that this time they prepared meals that is at the same level as high-class restaurants.

Director

So it will be a place where you can enjoy the food and the show at the same time.

Now I’m interested……

Tsumugi

Actually, here--

Director

Is this an invitation ticket?

Tsumugi

It seems that the place was fully reserved right after they’re open for reservation.

I only managed to get one special invitation ticket.

It would be great if you can keep it a secret from everyone...

Director

Eh!?

I would feel bad for everyone else, this is such an attractive event……

Tsumugi

Regardless, I only have one ticket……

It will be unfair if I give it to anyone, I think director is the most suitable for this.

Besides, I would prefer for the person I want to watch my performance the most to attend this event.

Director

Are you sure this is fine?

Tsumugi

Of course.

Director

If that’s the case…… Thank you.

I’m looking forward to it!

Waiter

Welcome. May I know your name in the reservation?

Director

It’s Tachibana.

Waiter

Tachibana-sama, we have been waiting for you. Let me guide you to your seat.

Director

(Oh, they have way high standards compared to what I thought…!)

There seems to be a lot of customers who come alone, the atmosphere really is different from an actor’s café.

I’m glad I asked Yuki kun to coordinate my outfit for today, if I come in my usual getup, I will look very out of place.

Waiter

This way please.

Director

……

Waiter

Let me explain a bit about our system.

A cast member will come in between the food serving, for that, we would like to ask from our esteemed customer to take part in the etude according to their performance.

We would like for our customer to be able to enjoy not only the food, but the act performance as well……

Director

Eh!? Etude!?

I never heard about this! But, it sounds fun….

Waiter

Of course, the cast member will follow up with the etude properly.

In this setting, please enjoy it to the fullest.

With that, I will excuse myself.

Director

(It’s a little embarrassing that the other customers around me can see my performance but……

Since I’m already here, I’m going to enjoy myself to the fullest!

What kind of setting should I go for……)

Waiter

Sorry for the wait.

Please enjoy the seasonal pastries.

Director

(Woah, the food looks so delicious!)

Cast Member A

It seems that there are a lot of customers coming in today.

Cast Member B

He he, we need to start greeting them.

Director

(Hmm? Maybe the cast member will appear soon.

Ah, what should I do…… I haven’t thought for any setting yet.)

Tsumugi

Good evening.

Is the food to your liking here?

You have been working hard today, so please enjoy yourself fully.

Director

(Tsumugi san is on the table over there. So he is in his angel mode right now.)

Tsumugi

Good evening.

It’s a wonderful night today, isn’t it.

It feels like a dream to be able to meet someone as cute as you.

Director

(Wait, the angel is this kind of character…..!?)

Tsumugi

Fu fu.

Director

Tsumugi

Achoo.

Directer

(Ah, if he sneezes that means--)

Tsumugi

I’m the fallen angel, Lucifer, a name who has been banished by the heaven.

Son of man, what is your wish?

Director

(What’s with the devil that looks like a chuunibyou*……!

That’s definitely Itaru-san’s idea……

Ah! Right, what should I do for my own setting……

If a devil character approaches me……. I really can’t think of anything!

From all the performances so far……. A protagonist in the middle of the night?

Filthy demons! Leave!

Hn, I tried to make a cross from the knife and fork but isn’t a cross only works on vampire!?)

Tsumugi

Ugh.

A, arrrrghhhh!

Director

Female Customer A

Eh!? Are you alright!?

Female Customer B

Kya!

Director

Ca, call an ambulance--!

Tsumugi

…… Ha, ha.

I have defeated the devil residing in my heart.

Thank you very much.

Director

Eh……?

Female Customer A

An act?

Female Customer B

That’s amazing! I thought you fell down for real!

Director

(As, as expected from Tsumugi san’s performance……!

But it’s honestly bad for the heart…..!)

Tsumugi

I extend my gratitude to the brave young ladies--

*clapping sounds*

Male Customer

Bravo!

Director

Ahaha……

Tsumugi

Fu fu.

Director

(Ah, Tsumugi san just winked this way.

I was a bit surprised, but the new experience in this kind of restaurant is kinda fun!)

#a3!#a3! translation #tsukioka tsumugi #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3! backstory

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juzuya-13 · 5 years

Text

Tagged!!! ❀

I was tagged by the lovely @thefandomsurfer to tag all of my favorite shows ❀

Thank you so much for tagging me, I'm very excited for this one! ❤️

Tokyo Ghoul / Tokyo Ghoul: re.

I love Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul:re so freaking much, I can't say the anime adaptation is the best because unfortunately it isn't, however I decided to enjoy it for what it's worth, the manga on the other hand is a master piece and I totally recommend it! Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul: re have a very special place in my heart, the whole story is packed with social critics, questions of morality and the representation of different mental health issues that are very familiar to many of us in real life, therefore it's dark, tragic and very raw in nature but that's exactly what I love so much about it. The characters are incredibly well written and you always end up relating and seeing yourself in at least a few of them and their struggles, it feels very authentic, it's definitely remarkable and it creates an impact on the viewer/reader or at least it did on me.

Death Note.

Oh dear, I love Death Note so much! Where do I start? I still remember the very first time I read/watched Death Note, it took me on a rollercoaster of emotions, I fell in love with the story and the complexity of it, the way it makes you wonder and question your own sense of morality and what's right and wrong is pretty awesome. For a good part of the story I felt rather dived, I didn't really like Light but I also really loved the genius of his character and I understood him and what he was striving for, however I knew it wasn't right and Light wasn't meant to be the white knight or the hero but rather the antagonist. The whole cat and mouse situation going on between L and Light was just so brilliant, so intriguing, I was hooked. I love L so much, also Near and Mello and quite frankly I love every single character in some way, they all played an important role. Death Note truly is a work of art and I loved it all the way from the start to the very end.

Attack On Titan.

I love Attack On Titan, both the anime and manga are brilliant, I love it how the story is so consistent and so well written from the very beginning, everything is connected and it's just absolutely genius. I believe Eren might be one of the best anime/manga protagonists of all time, all he's been through, how he orchestrated everything, all his efforts to get to that freedom he's been striving for from the very start of the story is impressive, his character development is outstanding and what can I say? I just love Eren, to be honest every single character is so beautifully written and I could just go on and talk about each of them individually but let's not do that or else this will get way too long for anyone to read it aha. Attack On Titan touches many sensitive topics and for that reason it is very impactful and completely and utterly worth it!

Black Butler.

I love everything dark, supernatural and gothic themed, I've also always loved everything about the Victorian era in England so of course when I heard of Black Butler I just really had to read/watch it for myself. I fell in love with it almost instantly, it just had a certain aura to it that peaked my interest, I thought it was everything I expected it to be and more, dark, gothy and with a good bunch of supernatural elements. I found the story very touching, tragic and intriguing with pretty interesting plot twists, there's also a good dose of humor which I appreciate. I should also mention that I appreciate Yana Taboso's work a whole lot, I think she's incredibly talented not just as a writer/storyteller but also her character designs are just fantastic, every character she creates is always so aesthetically pleasing, unique and detailed, matching the theme and their personalities perfectly. Quick disclaimer! The first season doesn't entirely correlate with the manga and the second season was entirely made up and does not follow the manga at all, I still did enjoy it as a separate piece of Black Butler content though. The third season is my personal favorite because I love love love the Noah's Ark Circus arc, it's fantastic, there's also a movie called Book of the Atlantic that covers another really awesome arc of the manga and some really cool OVA's totally worth watching (especially Book of Murder because it covers an arc of the manga), I've lost track of how many times I've rewatched it all! I love every single character and I'm definitely very glad I found and got into Black Butler.

Blue Exorcist.

I first got into the manga and I loved it so much that it didn't take me long to binge watch the entire anime (or what's currently available at least) however, the second half of the first season of Blue Exorcist does not follow the original source material, I did enjoy it nonetheless, it was an interesting alternative ending for sure but I still prefer how the manga is developing much more, I loved the second season and I just hope to one day see all the manga arcs animated! Blue Exorcist is awesome, it's fun, emotional, with a very compelling story line and surprising plot twists. The way the series handles and showcases familiar relationships and friendships feels very real and the characters are relatable, it's impossible not to get attached to them. Well, I just really love it and totally recommend it! Ohh there's also a pretty awesome movie!!!

My Hero Academia.

I got into My Hero Academia through my brother actually, he was reading it and I was looking for something new to read and watch too and that's when he suggested I start MHA, I got hooked pretty fast, it's pretty entertaining, I like how unique everyone's quirks are and how they seem to somewhat influence their personalities. There's a lot of emotion, characters that have been through a lot so it's hard not to feel sympathetic, especially if you've experienced similar things yourself, It didn't take long for me to start relating to certain characters and get attached to them, building my own theories and overall it's a fun ride!

One Punch Man.

OKAY, One Punch Man is My fiancé's favorite manga/anime series and he is a huge fanboy so it was inevitable aha. I got into it through him, at first I wasn't very optimistic about it, it didn't seem like my cup of tea but boy was I wrong! I ended up loving it and becoming a huge fangirl myself, it only took me a few weeks to catch up with the manga and finish the first season, the second season aired recently and we've also already finished it. One Punch Man is packed with action, adventure and lots of good humor, it's awesome!

Parasyte.

I love Parasyte a great deal, it's such a great manga/anime series especially if you're a fan of Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul: re, I feel like it's rather underrated though so I totally recommend it! It'll take you on a wild, very emotional rollercoaster ride from the beginning to the end, it's impossible not to get a little emotional here and there while watching or reading it. There's a lot of depth and detail in the story, it questions humanity and our true nature as individuals and as a society, it makes you wonder episode after episode or chapter after chapter, it's very raw and impactful, I think everyone sees little fragments of themselves in every character, it's incredibly relatable.

Yuri on Ice.

Oh dear, I love Yuri on Ice so much!!! I found this anime so heartwarming, I loved how pure the relationship between Yuri and Viktor was, their development felt very real, they truly cared for one another, I mean it's just so tender and so beautiful to watch, the emotion and the expectation is so strong on this one, also it's good to see healthy lgbt+ representation in media, especially anime. The whole story is just so worthwhile. I loved each and every character, the choreographies were beautiful and so was the music and the overall atmosphere of the series, Yuri on Ice just makes me happy.

American Horror Story.

I'm an avid horror fan and I've been watching AHS since it first begun airing, it's been one of my favorite tv shows for years and years now, I like it how the show is so versatile, every season has a different theme and explores a completely different universe with new plotlines and characters, sometimes two seasons can be connected by certain events which is always pretty interesting to see. There are some seasons that I like more than others but overall it's pretty good and I love it! On rainy days I really enjoy rewatching my favorite episodes over some hot chocolate and the sound of the rain on my window.

I tag : @hayydith @mirrors-never-lie @waternios @everyone that might wish to participate and talk about their fandoms! ❤❀

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loopy777 · 4 years

Note

You've got me curious now as to what anime youve seen, enjoyed and why.

Oof, I don’t track that type of thing. I’ve been asked about anime I like previously, and I feel like I always forget something. I suppose I should start a MyAnimeList one of these days, just for reference.

So let’s list everything I can remember, as well as a pithy reaction.

Baccano!This one is just so much fun. It’s violent and crass in a classy way, it’s funny in a weird way, and it’s a great example of a non-linear narrative. I love it.

Code Geass (Season 1)Ugh, I only watched this one because people solicited my opinion on it. Well, my opinion is that it’s not as smart as it wants to be, there’s too much contrived melodrama (and considering the wild premise, that’s saying something), and Kallen would be a wonderful and interesting character if she wasn’t always being demeaned for fan-service. I quit when the first season finale kicked off, because I felt things were just getting too contrived. I hear it really fell apart in the second season.

Cowboy BebopI found this a bit pretentious. It had good episodes and bad episodes. The production quality is good. But I'm not sure why it's legendary. Still, I liked its sense of humor, and enjoyed it when it wasn’t trying to be super serious. My favorite character is Ed.

Demon SlayerI'm mainly watching this because my brother wanted to give it a try on Toonami, but I kind of checked out when it unceremoniously removed everything difficult about the sister being a demon and made her into an order-following sidekick that fits in a suitcase. Now the latest episode introduced a loud annoying side character, so we may quit. I have no idea why this one is so popular.

Fullmetal AlchemistCovered

Gatchaman CrowdsI was asked to watch this one, as well, but it went a lot better than Code Geass. It’s a bit weird, and I think it's naively optimistic about the internet in many ways, but I still found it's exploration of Internet-age superheroes to be interesting, and it's the best, most mature take on the Power Rangers-style ‘sentai’ genre that I've seen. I don't know how well it matches up with its Gatchaman legacy, but as its own thing, it's pretty good.

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (including 2nd Gig)This is another legendary one that I think is good but a bit over-rated. It's a good piece of modern Cyberpunk, but it's very talky, and very jargon-filled. I'm almost convinced that the viewer is not meant to follow half of the conversations, that they're just part of the ambiance. I tended to like the stand-alone episodes better than the storyline episodes. Still, it’s a very smart series, and probably the best thing in the franchise, from what I’ve heard.

Log Horizon (first season only)I’ll tell you what- I think it’s possible to make a good anime with the premise of people from the modern, real world entering a fantasy realm (either another dimension or a VR video game). Log Horizon did not end up being that ideal. The main character is a Gary Stu, his romances with girls who are either ten years old or just look like they’re ten years old are creepy, and it got boring seeing the protagonists’ plans always succeed without much of a hitch.

Lupin III (series 4 and 5)I like this franchise when it's being clever, when it's springing a twist while playing fair. Sometimes, though, it doesn't play fair with its twists, leaving me underwhelmed. And while the regular cast is amusing, they're fairly shallow characters; this isn't always a bad thing, as that allows them to slot into all kinds of genre fare, but does limit the storytelling ambitions. It’s fine.

Macross franchiseSuper Dimensional Fortress MacrossI still like the original, despite how dated it is. It's probably the best possible implementation of 'soap opera in space.'

Macross PlusI'm not sure why this one is so revered. I feel like it doesn't play fair with its mystery, despite being such a short story, and whole thing with the killer popstar AI just left me cold.

Macross 7I like the music, but the story really drags for the first half with a formula that’s repeated far too long, and then falls apart in the end. The love triangle isn’t resolved, and in fact I’m of the opinion that two of the participants didn’t even know they were in competition. The bad guys are allowed to sail off into the sunset, forgiven, despite still inhabiting the bodies of kidnapped humans. But this isn't a series you watch for the story; this is a series you watch because you like the idea of a rockstar flying into space in a transforming mecha, controlled by an electric guitar, to sing at alien invaders. Personally, I think the idea is dumb. Plus, this ruins the premise of the original series by adding in what is effectively magic.

Macross ZeroThis is pretty good and has the best dogfights in the series, but it has one of those weird arty endings that anime sometimes likes to do where no one can tell what actually happened and we need to find translated interviews with the creative team to get it explained.

Macross FrontierBy this point, I was wondering why everyone is so eager for the Macross franchise to get American distribution. It’s better than Macross 7, but feels like a first draft of the intended story, and the creative team lost track of their own subplots. The two AU movies do a more satisfying take on the same basic story, but sometimes they come across like an abridged recap of the series, so you really need to watch everything to get a satisfying experience. That said, the final experience was indeed fairly satisfying, making this the second best thing in the franchise for me. Still, I wouldn’t say it lives up to the original in any way.

Macross DeltaBoy, this one was dumb. Everything wrong with Frontier is worse here, with none of the good stuff.

The Melancholy of Haruhi SuzumiyaI still want an ending for this, despite nothing worthwhile coming from it since 2011. It wouldn't even be hard to pick it up again; set it in modern times, and explain the fact that everyone has smartphones now to be a result of some weird off-screen Haruhi antics.

Mobile Suit Gundam franchiseMobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded OrphansI've only ever experienced the Gundam franchise because my brother wants to get into it and he keeps trying to find a vector. This was my first experience with it, and I found it very 'teenage boy,' in both tone and story. I was underwhelmed.

Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn RE:0096Another case where the storytellers reached the end only to have forgotten the rest of the story. Why does that happen so often in anime? And I think it assumes the viewer is familiar with the whole rest of the franchise, because there was a lot that just went straight over my head but didn't seem like it was supposed to. Nice animation and art style, though.

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Origin - Advent of the Red CometEverything I said about Unicorn, only more.

My Hero AcademiaCovered

NichijouThis thing is still hilarious, even after a rewatch. Stick with the sub, as the new dub's voice-acting doesn't have the same range and power of the original, losing a lot of the humor.

Outlaw Star I'm struggling to remember a lot of this one. it’s another I watched because my brother was interested in it. I do recall that it was a fairly standard Space Western that ends in a way that's more like serious science fiction, and that for some reason a Japanese swordswoman in classic clothing was part of the cast. Now I wonder if that was an homage to Lupin III. Or maybe Japan just really loves throwing classic samurai into everything, regardless of setting or genre.

Pokemon (part of first series)I was in high school when this franchise first came to America, and for some reason all the geeks in my high school thought it was the greatest thing. The games were good, yeah, but the anime? I don't think it's bad for a kiddie cartoon, but it obviously has no greater ambitions than pleasantly occupying the kids for 22 minutes. Personally, what I really want is a series about Team Rocket done in the style of Cowboy Bebop.

Princess TutuCo-owner of the Best Magical Girl designation. I forget who asked me to watch this, but I owe them.

Puella Magi Madoka MagicaCo-owner of the Best Magical Girl designation. I still haven't bothered with anything but the original series, and I continue to be happy with that choice.

Samurai ChamplooI liked this better than Cowboy Bebop, but only because its ambitions were lower. It leaned more into its genre, had fun with its style more even when being serious, and as a result became more enjoyable. I overall liked going on a journey with these rascals, but I think it ended at a good point. I don’t need more.

Spice & Wolf (first season)I watched this on someone's suggestion, and found it a little underwhelming. What I really appreciated were the two main characters, especially that they seem to be into each other, romantically and sexually, and aren't freaked out by it while at the same time not being in a hurry to become a couple. It was just a kind of, "Yeah, this could really be something if we ever find the time." It was so amazingly mature and real. Too bad the main Economics plotlines just wound up being tepid.

Tekkaman BladeMy thoughts haven't changed on this.

Tiger & BunnyI'm still fond of this one, and I'm actually kind of curious to revisit it in light of My Hero Academia.

Transformers ‘Unicron Trilogy’These three cartoons are true anime, produced by and for Japan. (The other cartoons in the franchise were written, and sometimes animated, in the west.) It's garbage that assumes its child audience are morons, and on top of that the first two series wound up with laughably bad dubs. How this trilogy revitalized the franchise, I have no idea, and thankfully I'll never have to worry about it.

Volton (original)Either this or Robotech/Macross was my first anime; I was too young to say which I discovered first. I'll admit that the original Voltron isn't good, despite the toy being neat, but I have a soft spot for it. I tried the Netflix reboot, watching the first three episodes, and found it to be vacuous junk. Maybe some day a version of this will come along that will do justice to the toy.

And I think that’s it. If I remember anything I left off, I’ll reblog with the addition.

#Anonymous

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silvertonguedslavicwitch · 5 years

Text

Πειρασμός | Peirasmós

Chapter 15 : The More The Merrier

A/N : I have a little surprise for you guys <3 Read and you shall find out~ There might be a lack of Hvitserk and the vikings, but I just thought focusing on Erika’s story would be fun ^_^

She was given a tent to sleep in, but the entire night Erika couldn't sleep without thinking of the possibilities that will influence her future. The moment dawn comes gracing the early morning, she had gotten up and dressed herself in a spare dress she got from Judith. Judith and her had an understanding for some empowerment and views on the new world. They don't particularly had to like each other but they do respect one another for the same reason. Erika was an image she favored. A princess that grew and molded herself into a perfect stature that of a future Queen. Although the latter never actually understood why everyone was so adamant into prepping her to become a ruler since a child. It was clear that she had declined the crown in favor to her younger brother, and that she would only be Queen once her brother had passed away.

Though the young princess never thought she would be a Queen Regnant, but rather a Queen Mother instead, seeing as how things were going towards the path of her brother striving in his youth. By the time his brother passed away due to old age or illness, she would have already had children; heirs for the throne. But the future could never actually be foretold by anyone. Anything could happen.

Stepping out from the tent, the raven haired princess made her way into the woods with a quiver in her hands. She had taken it from the tables earlier and thought she would do herself some good venting her frustrations and worries elsewhere; somewhere that doesn't include impaling anymore Saxons with an arrow. She's done plenty of killing them anyways. Once she has been venturing deep enough into the woods with no intrusion from anyone, she took out the bow and notched an arrow before directing it towards a tree. The first crack of hole she made into the tree became another and more came to follow afterwards.

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By the time the sun sets high to mark the noon, she had already hunted down a few rabbits tied up with a rope around their legs. Picking up the stray arrows from the tree bark she's been hurting since dawn, she placed them back into the quiver neatly before going back to the camp. As soon as she arrived, she was greeted with a worried Aethelwulf who looked as if someone had stolen something from him. By the looks of it; something very precious.

Quirking her eyebrows cluelessly, she pondered why he looked that way. But just as she was about to ask, she was engulfed with a bear hug from the Saxon King. It took her by surprise and she almost dropped the bow and four rabbits tied into a bunch, in her left hand. “What did I do?”

Alfred come trailing behind him afterwards with his older brother, Aethelred, where both lets out a huge breath of relief upon witnessing the princess. “We thought you were kidnapped by the Northmen. We couldn't find you when I went to call you for breakfast.” Alfred explained and Erika only nodded as her mouth formed an o.

“I went out for some fresh air.. And got a few rabbits while doing so.” With that, she raised the string, showing the rabbits to them who only chuckled despite having a worried look plastered onto them.

“We thought you were taken away from us. Again.” The sudden remark from her old friend made her frown. He was referring to the first time he heard the news of her capture in Algeciras. It had haunted the King back then, to lose his cherished friend and ward like that. In the hands of the Northmen, no less.

“No one is kidnapping me, Aethelwulf. Never again. I'm a free person. I go wherever I want to go,” she reassured lightly as she placed an encouraging pat on his shoulders before heading inside. When she saw the two princes still standing outside, she turned around with a playful look marred her face. “Well someone needs to skin them and I already did the hard work of hunting them. So it's not going to be me.”

That earned a few chuckles for the three royals as Aethelwulf beckoned for his sons to go help their guardian. It gave him a swell of delight to see her communicating so well with the two princes. Alfred grew into a wise and matured prince. He had his way with words, Which reminded him of how well Ecbert and Erika had taught him in his childhood days. Whereas Aethelred grew into a exact mirror image of him. A great warrior is the making. While his moves are aggressive like his father, he had a calming sense of nimble surrounding him while also being fierce. Like a lion cub who would actually pounce despite looking calm most of the time like nothing was bothering him. An air Erika exuded.

The princess had only been gone from their eyes for only twelve moons or so, almost a year. Yet, the Saxon royal family found themselves missing her presence. She was a realist. A breath of fresh air they needed.

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They had lunch together. The table was inhabited by food and graced by the presence of Aethelwulf, Judith, Bishop Heahmund and the two princes; Aethelred and Alfred, alongside their guest, Erika. She had told them of her current arrangements with the Northmen when Judith asked her what happened in Algeciras. The topic of her marriage and holy sacred matrimony union with a Viking Prince; none other than the third eldest son of Ragnar Lothbrok himself, had particularly ticked Aethelwulf off. As if sensing the tension brewing in their atmosphere, Alfred and Aethelred refrain themselves from asking questions towards the princess.

“There's no use in frowning over the matter, Aethelwulf. It's done. I'm married to a Northmen. A Viking Prince. A heathen and a Pagan. You don't think I haven't thought of this revelation every night since?” The Russian knew how everyone was viewing her now. And she has had about enough of it. All the judgemental looks and remarks. The generalization and assumptions. She hated it before, and she hated it now. It hasn't changed. If anything, it fueled her more than it used to.

“An annulment is not impossible.”

“Excuse me?” The moment those words came out from his mouth, she couldn't believe her ears. “Are you seriously talking about an annulment on a lunch table? This isn't the place, Aethelwulf. I'm sure there are better things to discuss about, other than my marriage life.”

“I'm just saying that annulment is possible for you. You said it so yourself, he's a Pagan, therefore he is not entitled to our holy Christian ways.” He had continued as if the conversation was the most normal one he's had.

“I can't. Honestly, I can't even if I wanted to.”

“Why not?”

“Drop it, King Aethelwulf,” she gritted her teeth, her grip on the spoon getting more tighter as the seconds fly by. She didn't want him to pry into her private life, not in front of everyone while they were eating. She should've known better. He was Aethelwulf. He never gives up without a fight. A trait so similar she should've seen it coming. “I mean it.”

“No, I want to know why you are not so keen into divorcing your husband. It was an arranged marriage, is it not? One for your brother's benefits but not your own?” He was poking into her and she was left with no choice but to answer his tenacious self.

“It wasn't a problem now.”

“But it was a problem then?”

“I did not mean tha-”

“Then, what do you mean, Katerina?! Hm? Why are you evading all the questions. You shouldn't be the one who keeps the secrets, Kat.” The sudden rising in his tone had made the princess back away against her seat. She was surprised with the sudden scowl that marked his face.

But she wasn't about to give up without a fight either. Both of them were too stubborn and egoistical for their good, no wonder they matched off well together as friends all these years. Standing up to face the King in defiance, she scowled just as well. “I went off to find my way. And I was captured in doing so. I spent two moons being a slave to the Northmen. One who would end up being my husband, a person I am tied to for the rest of my life. I resented it and could not accept it the first time. But I grew up, Aethelwulf! I. Grew. Up. I stopped being selfish and started to remind myself why I am living till this day.”

Shaking her head in dismay, she stared at the King with a look of disappointment. “I have done everything for the sake of others. You know that. Everything I do was to contribute into the success and prosperity of my brother and my kingdom. My country. My people. It has always been that way. I learned to accept it and now I live with it. There was no point in regretting anything. Regretting would not make me happy nor could it change anything. It doesn't make it any better!” As her eyes well up in tears, so did her her tone drop into a much more softer one. “It only means I know I'll be burdened by the fact knowing I could regret all day and still would not be able to change what happened. So yes, Aethelwulf, forgive me for not wanting to think more on this trivial matter. Because you know I would rather waste my time investing into something that will be worthwhile instead.”

Cleaning up after herself, she excused herself as she make her way back to her tent. The moment she set her foot in, she kicked the basket that was sitting by the table and plopped herself on the chair, staring at herself in the mirror. Her reflection made her upset and angry. She used to be a master at discerning any emotions, she had kept them dormant and invisible to the public's eyes. She had no idea why she was so emotional for the past few weeks now. Each day was becoming an emotional episode in everything she does.

“What is wrong with you, Erikaterina.”

She was a big emotional mess. It feels like her brain is emitting everything sense of her empathetic side to fight against each other.

---------------------------------------

“I wish you would listen to me for once!”

There it is, the two fighting again. Despite their long term friendship that stood on solidly for so long, they sure had a scarce amount of fighting. Not. Erika was always dubbed the coyote whilst Aethelwulf was always seen to be a lion. A lion with a King's crown now. Whereas the coyote is still holding on to her princess crown. This time, they were bickering about the stance of their plan.

This morning, the first thing Erika did when she woke up was apologize to the King for her behavior she showed that night before; which was over two weeks ago. It took her that long. Of course that did not happen when she saw the lion discussing battle tactics with Bishop Heahmund. She wasn't offended or hurt that she wasn't informed of the plans, if she were them, she had every reason to doubt her loyalty too. Especially ever since she has mad either clear that she stood with the Northmen, seeing as she will always protect her brother's best interest. The alliance was an important step in his reign to show his dominion and power over the other lords in the East, as he was able to stop the problems occurring from the vikings.

But what infuriated the raven haired woman was that, Aethelwulf had decided to attack York again. While it was still heavily fortified. No doubt the coyote in her just came out and slashed every possibility of bragging rights back to him when she placed an exclamation mark on saying it was a futile plan. If others haven't seen it yet, pride is a big thing for most of them. Mostly for the two. They will never be able to give up their pride any day. That was their fatal flaw. A similarity they confided in each other.

“And why do is that, again? What would you suggest we do then, Kat? They are starving, this is the best chance to strike them.” Shaking her head at him, she pointed at the south section of the city on the map.

“You have underestimated us the first time. And got a lot of your people killed. Are you willing to do it the second time, knowing you have a more likely chance to be beaten again?” That had triggered the rising temper from Aethelwulf who huffed in response, clearly not liking the conduit she was playing at. “I'm not telling you to give up. I'm telling you to be smart about it. If you are going to attack, make sure it's at the right time. I'm pretty sure now's not it. You may think it's hard to trust me as I may not care for the rest of you.” People were right. The aftertaste is such a bitter one.

“But believe me, I care for our two Saxon princes very much. I wouldn't want them to die so uselessly this early. I hope you will take my words into consideration, your Majesty.” Feigning her curtsy, she exited the tent, inhaling and exhaling at an uneven pace. The tolerance within her has burned out. Too quickly. It was too quick. Usually she was not this short tempered when she could solve things diplomatically.

Erika placed a soothing hand over her chest and rubbed it a few times, trying to calm herself down as she took a bow and a quiver full of arrows as she marched off into the woods. Searching for a spot, she perched against a tree and loaded one arrow into her string and aimed it at a deer who stood not far from her. The sounds of the string loosening the arrow to the target gave her a sense of comfort. She was about to take the arrow out when she heard a few shrieks coming from a close distance.

While she was searching for her sword, she forgot she didn't bring it with her. Oh well, her bow and arrows will have to do it. Fortunately for the Russian princess, she had her dagger with her. That's more than good enough, depending on who her opponent might be. Or opponents. She sneakily trudged through the trees and saw a dozen or so vikings being killed off by the Saxon soldiers.

She was about to get a proper look when an arrow whooshed into her left side, just merely missing her left cheek. Widening her hues, she got into defense mood as she notched an arrow, pointing it towards one particular Saxon soldier who was going to reload his arrow but thankfully for her, she was faster. Stepping out from the trees, she still had her aim directed towards the soldier. His companions pulled out their swords and she tsked. “4 against 1. Against a petite woman, where did you soldiers learn your manner. Certainly not so gentlemanly of you to shoot an arrow to an unarmed woman.”

“You weren't exactly unarmed.” A familiar voice broke through, coming from her behind. Turning around to face the said person, she almost lowered her guard when she saw it was Alfred. She lowered her hold on the bow before placing the arrow back into its respective place. “What are you doing out here anyways? They must've mistaken you as one of the Northmen.”

“Well, I was unarmed the first time. I was just out hunting because your father made me want to kill someone and it's not a good thing to be around a camp full of soldiers who could tip me off by just bumping into me, my sweet dear prince.” She narrowed her hazel hues at the younger prince who in return, only let out a jovial laugh. Clicking her tongue in annoyance, she glared at the soldiers. “I was literally wearing my attire. I don't even pass off as a Northmen, so I don't see where you got your logic where I might be mistaken as a Northmen.”

“Come on, Rika. We should get back. We have a lot of things to skin today.” He pointed towards a cart full of dead animals hunted down by the now dead group of vikings.

“I am not going to skin anything today. Afraid the blood makes me.. Nauseous.”

The look Alfred had given her was probably one mixed with absurdity. Erikaterina was nauseous when in the presence of blood? What sort of sorcery had befell the young princess now? It was a statement even the Saxon prince had a hard time processing. “You're telling me, you, Erikaterina.. Is nauseous around blood? What happened to you? Are you sick or unwell?” When he went forward to check her temperature, she slapped his hands away before scowling.

“I'm fine, I'm just-” However, before she could finish her words, she felt a bile coming up her and went off the trails to let everything out from her system. Her hold against the tree bark had tightened as she coughed out whatever it was out from her. Truthfully, she's been experiencing vomiting and nauseousness since two weeks ago, hence her mood being very wrecked resulting her apology being delayed.

“You were saying?”

“Oh shut up.”

---------------------------------------

Throughout their journey back to the camp, she had tried to avoid Alfred's endless questionnaire session. She wasn't really feeling well for a while now and it was getting more severe now. At first, she thought it was the food or something. Now, she's not really sure. So she spent the entire day in her tent, up until she actually declined any offer of food because she didn't feel like she could digest anything.

That was until Aethelwulf came in her tent, with a man trailing behind him. Judith, Aethelred, Alfred and Bishop Heahmund were also with him. Positioning herself to meet them clearly, she groaned out in exhaustion as she tried to figure what they were here for. “Why are you in my tent?”

“Alfred told us you were sick.”

Erika then gave Alfred a look that says ‘really now?’ and he only responded by shrugging. “Traitor...,” she mumbled. “Nothing is wrong with me. I've just been nauseous all week.. Well two. Maybe it's the digestive system..I don't know. I haven't been eating well before anyways.” She dismissed it absentmindedly but it wasn't nearly enough to shrug them off the matter. “Or maybe it's God's way of punishing me.”

Aethelwulf then beckoned for the man to check on her, to which Erika did nothing but comply as she didn't exactly have the strength to say no. She's been vomiting severely for two weeks. There's only so much she could take. She isn't prone to sickness after all.

After a while, the man who she found to be their healer said she was fine with only small signs of fatigue and restlessness. “See, I told you. You're being dramatic..” She grumbled as she tried to brush herself off.

“You were a bit puffy, Rika. Almost bloated.”

“If that is your way of telling me I'm getting fat, just you wait when I'm alright again. You best sleep with your eyes open, cub.”

That was when Judith presented her idea; an idea that really made the princess gape. Why? Because it was the most absurd idea she's heard, even more absurd than Alfred's assumptions on her being sick. “Maybe we should check her pulse, Lord Richard.” While she also did not push the healer off, she didn't look pleasant, it almost intimidated the healer himself.

The twinkle flickering in the healer's hues however had raised questions from everyone in the room. Even her. “Well?”

“Congratulations your Highness, you are expecting a child.”

The look on their faces and hers differed by a mile. She was still trying to process everything in and it was taking much more of a while than she thought it would. Is that why she's been having such symptoms? Because she was with child? “She is with child?” Judith asked, an excited grin gracing her facial features. Because pregnancy was a blessing. But was it to her?

“Children, really. I sense a faint pulse of the other. It's slightly faint but it's there.”

“Twins!” The delight coming out from Judith was even more than the actual person carrying them. Erika was still in a trance. Aethelwulf thanked the healer and he exited the tent, leaving the royal family to be alone with the Russian royalty herself.

“You have been vomiting since the last two weeks, you said?” Judith took a seat next to her and asked promptly, and Erika nodded. “That would mean you've at least been about 8 weeks pregnant. How have you not noticed it earlier?”

“I have no idea.. I was too busy with things, I guess.” Of course she could be pregnant. Even before kindling her relationship with Hvitserk 4 weeks ago, they have been married for almost three moons. It was truly unexpected for her. It should be a good news but Aethelwulf wasn't looking too happy for her. He asked for them to leave him to talk alone with his long time friend. “I guess now you can say, I have a solid reason that's for myself, not to leave them.”

---------------------------------------

A week had passed and she still could not truly begin to even wrap her head around the recent revelation. She didn't speak much and only ate a small amount, to which Alfred always had to remind her she now has to eat for two more. A reminder his father didn't seem like he liked to hear. Aethelwulf would be happy if the child didn't end up being the spawn of a Viking. But nothing could be done now. Here they were, eating dinner while the princes and King discussed their battle plans with Bishop Heahmund. Aethelwulf still wishes to attack them as he is convinced they were starving and burning their dead now.

After her pregnancy reveal, he did not allow her to go outside anymore for safety reasons. However, Erika couldn't stand by and hear the absurdity lacing the Saxon King's suggestions. He was not thinking clearly and was driven by his heart instead. “This is stupid.”

“Excuse me?” Suddenly, all their attention were shifted towards the princess who shook her head. They weren't sure if her words were directed to them and wished to know what she was saying.

“You're doing it all wrong..” Sighing to herself, she went on to tell them it was too early to make a decision. It was too quick of one. They mustn't be reckless. “I haven't known Ivar for that long but during the time I do know him, I studied him. And he is much more smarter than he would you on. He's a growing strategist, Aethelwulf. He probably wanted you to think he's burning the dead. Do not underestimate it like you once did.”

“I know what I'm doing, Katerina.” The petulant hard headed King insisted his plan would work and no one had the bravery to question his judgement. Bishop Heahmund did earlier and suffered a heavy scolding from him.

“Fine. Go ahead. Go in and see which one of us is right. But just know, anything that occurs, it is all on you, Aethelwulf. All those death. It will be on you,” she scoffed and placed the silver cutlery on the table, a scorned look present before her face. “But then again, you've been responsible for many deaths already. Surely a few more wouldn't bother you.”

As she stormed out of the tent to go back into her own, Judith kept telling the males that it was all the pregnancy symptoms. Her emotions were wilding and sometimes she wanted to rip their heads off because they annoyed her to the point of no returning. The ignorance Aethelwulf was exuding made Erika groan out in distress. Sometimes she wanted nothing more than to slap the sense into him.

Alfred came through the curtains of her tent's not long after, plopping himself next to her as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her emotions were mirroring her current look, which was a deep dive of contempt. “You know father didn't mean his harsh tone. He's just burdened by a lot now.”

“I don't know what is what anymore, Alfred. I feel utterly and completely lost.”

---------------------------------------

The entire night last night, Alfred spent his time in her tent talking to the Russian princess who seemed like she could use some company. The tender sweet friendship between the two were a long term one, much like the one she possessed with his father. But the love she felt and bore for the younger prince were slightly different. It was possibly due to the fact that she has taken care of him since he was an infant, up until he has grown up into a teenager. He had to persuade her to eat dinner together with the rest, where she would initially decline because she didn't want to argue with Aethelwulf.

They were best of friends, Aethelwulf and her. But their arguments go deep sometimes, as deep as their bond went. It was a fair price, somewhat. After multiple attempts of pushing her to the main tent, the youngest Saxon prince succeeded in convincing Erika to dine with them. Aethelred chuckled at his younger brother's triumphant look. When the bowl was placed before her, Erika scrunched her nose up in distaste after staring at it for good few seconds. “May I request for a tester?”

“We're not exactly in the position to bring testers around, Kat. Just eat.” Whilst others dug in their food, she did not. Clearly, she stopped for a good reason. Staring up to meet her eye level, Aethelwulf rolled his eyes. “This is not the time for you to be playing princess.”

“You and I both know why I always ask for testers.”

“You're being paranoid.”

Huffing in response, she pushed the bowl away as she glared at the Saxon King. It was bad enough that their endless bickering and banter did not subside yet, she did not wish to add more but he was making it very hard for her. Or was it just her?

“I'm not eating.”

“Don't be ridiculous and childish, Katerina. Eat.” The slight growl that slipped up from him had made the others eat in silence and truthfully, it surprised her, who gave up and grabbed the silver spoon and took a scoop of the porridge in the cutlery. She was about to eat it when the guard standing not far off from where she stood suddenly stumbled by the table and coughed out. But that wasn't what piqued her attention. It was the substance he coughed out.

Blood.

The poor soldier clawed his own throat as the lad suffered in silence, not being able to breathe properly due to his windpipe being stretched thin. Others ushered to his aid while Erika sat still in her seat. “He was the one who brought in her distinguished specified food due to her Highness's condition. He probably ate a small portion.” Soon enough, he lets out one final breath as the air leave his body. His ears began bleeding and so did his nose.

“He's experiencing hemorrhage. Internal bleeding inside him.. He was poisoned.” She mumbled, standing up with a tired look that made its way up to her features. “I'm not hungry anymore.” Stepping aside, the raven haired princess led herself out back to her tent to be with herself. Alfred and Aethelred had looks of confusion to what has happened. Poor princes were clueless and oblivious to what was going on.

“How did she know that, father?”

“And so the stories and rumors of her assassination attempts since a child were true after all,” he exclaimed. It was the first time Bishop Heahmund had spoken about the Russian. The rumors that surrounded her were hard to dismiss easily. The mystery that shrouded her entire persona were one of the most complicated cases he had ever seen.

It was no wonder the poor princess grew up cherishing life in every path she could walk through. She was taught that second chances such as that were rare for someone like her. That every day she lives, marked another day she became a survivor.

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#hvitserk x oc #hvitserk #vikings #Bjorn Ironside #ivar the boneless #ivar #ubbe #peirasmós

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wonderfuls-worlds · 7 years

Text

Mystic Messenger : Day 3 ~ V Walkthrough (FULL ANSWERS)

Thank you for your support, you were all so sweet to me <3

Contributor (THANK YOU SO MUCH): @verycharismaticdragon Thank you for suggesting your help : @therosettewolf, @anasaraz

Check out their tumblr !

If you are on phone, please setting the page to be seen in the computer version! On the phone, the answers are sometimes unaligned and it can confuse you…

In order to not bother and annoy my followers who don’t play this game by this looong post, I’ll put a seperate line. Click to see.

00 :31 : Under the Shimmering [Zen, V]

I wanted to chill out more and then go to sleep. (nothing)

I was waiting to meet you, Zen (Zen)

The beautiful are sleepy heads..? (Zen)

I think your biorhythm will break living like that. (nothing)

I actually want to see V’s photos! (V)

God, finally we’ll have some peace and silence. (nothing)

Wow, you’re even humble! Such perfection ! (nothing)

Are you in a motorcycle gang? (nothing)

Zen, riding your bike under the moonlight… (Zen)

I wonder how Jumin will look like riding the bike! (nothing)

That’s the thing, you can never find your driver’s license when needed. (nothing)

Share with me some photos of your driver’s license, if you have some. (nothing)

It’s the same thing. Just do it. (nothing)

Both are so perfect. How am I to choose?! (Zen)

Wow! It’s you when you were younger! (nothing)

You’re here to see me!! (nothing)

I want to chat with everyone together. (V)

Aren’t motorcycles dangerous? (nothing)

Zen, you had an accident? (nothing)

You feel free as a bird when you ride with the wind. (Zen)

When you’re feeling frustrated and all, playing games are the best! 0% accidents! (nothing)

What if something dangerous happens to you? (V)

How exactly did the crash occur? (nothing)

Tell me what happened back then. (nothing)

V, you’re quite persistent. (nothing)

It would have been serious if V didn’t follow you. (V)

V, you should take photos of me someday as well! (V)

Trying to deny it by myself is too hard. I need some help here. (nothing)

Flowers? V, were you Zen’s fan? (V)

Zen, what were you like back in the days? (nothing)

You still look promising. (nothing)

Life is about rebounding back when you were considering quitting lol (nothing)

Maybe you’re in a slump? (nothing)

I lie low for a while. (nothing)

Do something that brightens your mood! (nothing)

Forget about everything and let time pass by. (nothing)

V, do you normally clock in such late hours? (nothing)

You seem to be coming in at late hours… Are you okay? (V)

V, you go well with wine! (nothing but best answer for V)

Zen, I hope you get to shoot a beer commercial. (Zen)

Have you ever heard of alcohol-related dementia? (nothing)

Don’t drink too much! (V)

Good bye! (nothing)

You have a lot to worry about. (nothing)

I’m like that as well. (V)

I think I should get going now. (nothing but best answer)

I’m going to stay up late. (nothing)

Visual Mode V

02:46 : Paradox of the Survival of the Fittest [Unknown]

I was testing the game you gave me. (Unknown)

Ray, why aren’t you sleeping? (nothing)

We connected as I wanted to see you as well! (Unknown)

You seem to have a lot of work to do. (nothing)

If you have something to say, come over yourself. (nothing)

There’s the modern convenience called the phone. (nothing)

Then it’ll bloom twice as much flowers! (nothing)

Wonder why it grew in two stalks. (nothing)

Wouldn’t it be because only one had sunlight and the other had none? (nothing)

It could be that one of it is like an extra giveaway, since it grew into two from one stalk. (Unknown’s heartbroken!)

I feel sad for the weaker stalk... (nothing)

There’s nothing you can do, it’s nature’s way of survival of the fittest. (nothing)

I want to save the weaker stalk somehow. (Unknown)

You’re right. The weaker stalk was the one that sacrificed! (Unknown)

But for flowers to blossom, the weaker one should be stripped. (nothing)

Throw it out and buy a new pot. (nothing)

Rescue both. (nothing)

It’ll be a flower gained from the other’s sacrifice... (nothing)

Wow… I’ll look forward to it, Ray! (nothing)

Yawn. I think the game you made is more interesting. (nothing)

It was fun. With hidden morals and all... (Unknown)

Are you going back to work? (nothing)

Ray, when are you going to sleep? (nothing)

07:00 : Take Care of Your Health [707, Jumin, Jaehee]

Why don’t you lower the brightness? (nothing)

Change your glasses into sunglasses lol (nothing)

Huh. The name’s even suspicious for a start. (nothing)

I’ll get ready to write it down! (707)

Isn’t that just a bunch of powders and not a drink? (nothing)

Can I taste it? (nothing)

Reports to police right now (nothing)

It’s not like the stakes are some kinds of market free-giveaways... (nothing)

A match of outstanding product quality!! (707)

Send in an ingredients review document as well (nothing)

Seems you have an innocent spot in you, Jumin. (Jumin)

You don’t even know the prices at convenience store? You must be joking! (nothing)

Throwing it out down the drain… of something you made with great difficulty… T_T (707)

You’re suddenly acting a bit pathetic. (Jumin)

In other words, you’re distracted. (nothing)

Catching your breath is important as well. (707)

You’re nodding to that? ;;;;; (nothing)

Tell me more of this cleaning fairy. (nothing)

Cleaning fairy sounds too suspicious... (nothing)

Awesome! Why don’t we learn it’s secret cleaning methods at the party? (nothing + answer to the email)

Huh; It’s Jaehee;; (nothing)

Jaehee, good morning! (nothing)

You are very persistent. (nothing)

Too bad, you were this close to being successful in your fabrication. (707)

Jaehee, good luck today! (Jaehee)

You just came in. Are you already leaving? (nothing)

Isn’t it enough to have one friend like V? (Jumin + V)

You really have only two friends? (707)

Can someone translate what Seven’s saying? (Jumin)

1011011…... (707)

It wasn’t too far. It was way way too far. (nothing)

I thought it was funny lol (nothing)

Stop getting distracted and get to work. (nothing)

Don’t forget to bring Sevenstar Drink Version 2 when you come back! (nothing)

09:13 : Back in the Days [Zen, Jaehee]

Jumin’s company? (nothing)

A morning meeting of beautiful people? Lol (Zen)

Cat café (nothing)

Did you get your license renewed? (nothing)

I’m ready to hit Save. Please show it to me!!!! (Zen)

I’m actually tired of seeing it since I’ve seen it numerous times. (nothing)

When did you debut? (nothing)

Oh! I suppose the roads were familiar to you- (nothing)

You must be happy. (nothing)

And the story goes that it was your girlfriend. (nothing)

Ooh, celebrity! (Zen)

It must have been worthwhile! (Zen)

What photo did V debut with? (V)

Oh, um, yeah. Let’s put it like that. (nothing)

Zen, I invite you to the room of mirrors. (nothing)

Yeah. I think its hard to compare appearances with you, Zen! (Zen)

The one with Pickachoo!? (nothing)

I wanna be - most very best - (nothing)

I will decline as Ninpendo might get us because of copyright infringements. (nothing)

Great! I’ll catch Backpack Monsters by inviting him to the party. (nothing + answer to the email)

Oh… sweet jesus..! (Zen)

Wow lol (nothing)

My eyes are screaming out with joy! (nothing)

Welcome! (nothing)

Jaehee, our professional Zen-critic, can you please explain to us what kind of performance it was? (Jaehee)

And like this, the number of photos in my folder increase one by one... (Jaehee)

I want to see that performance - (nothing)

AI role…? It must have been easy for an AI to play an AI role. (Unknown)

Jaehee, your Zen-intelligence is really awesome. (Jaehee)

Skin conditions are always better when you’re young… (nothing)

Truth is, I think I prefer V than Zen. (V)

Jaehee, have a glass of cold coffee right now before you run wild. (Jaehee

It’s a meeting with V’s acquaintance, right? (V)

I want to know whom he’s having the meeting with - (nothing)

It’s my father-in-law ^^ (nothing)

V’s dad… I wonder what kind of person he is. (nothing)

He would have received some hardcore education. (nothing)

Silver spoon family class... (nothing)

I like V’s humble attitude. (V)

They have few things in common, but they’re also different - (nothing)

A virtual world of their own… (nothing)

I think their relationship is… too glorified. (nothing)

I think they pair well together ^^ (V)

You do know that beer isn’t part of brunch, right? (nothing)

Enjoy your meal- (nothing)

Are you worried? (nothing)

Does V know about this? (V)

You have one… called being a fan-girl. It’s your boyfriend and friend. (V)

I want to be friends with V too. (V ( best answer)

It kind of bothers me that there’s a secret V keeps even from his friend. (Unknown)

Bye- (nothing)

Jaehee, have a great day today! (Jaehee)

12:22 : My Best Friend [Unknown]

I did- (nothing)

Not yet. (nothing)

Of course! Friends are really dear. (nothing)

No… Humans betray someday. (nothing)

You’re friends with flowers ^^ (Unknown)

Aren’t you working indoors all the time? (nothing)

What’s the flower language of blue roses? (nothing)

What’s the flower language of daffodils? (nothing)

Lisianthus (nothing)

I like lily-of-the-valley! (nothing)

Um… I think I feel more close with the friends inside the game. (V)

You can! Though more time would be needed. (Unknown)

Who is it? (nothing)

I’m jealous... (Unknown)

Um, I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it… (nothing)

I don’t feel it at all… I wish you’d be obsessed with me a bit more... (nothing)

I don’t think you’re obsessed with me. I’m just glad that you seem to care for me a lot! (Unknown)

Who is this person? (nothing)

Then Ray, are you working for this person? (nothing)

When the party is held… I think I would want to leave here. (nothing)

I want to be with you…! My mind will not change. (Unknown)

Bye! (nothing)

I want to see you today, Ray ! (Unknown)

Visual Novel Jumin

14:09 : Small Cute Adorable (707, Jaehee)

Oh, savior of Justice!! Has a villain appeared? (nothing)

Every day is a crossroad lol (nothing)

Is something wrong? (nothing)

What’s your real job? (nothing)

You’re a person receiving a salary. (nothing)

I secured your portrait of the deceased. Thanks. (nothing)

What a dangerous mission… I wonder if you can return safely…? (707)

I understand her. She must’ve been surprised to learn that your mission is a dangerous one… (nothing)

Condolences to Jaehee’s eyes... (Jaehee)

I think I’m already used to it now-^^ Hahaha. (nothing)

I pray for your successful mission. (nothing)

Will a nude photo be next? (nothing)

Do I need to feed the fairy with compliments? (707)

Such delicate plot… This messenger is truly awesome. (Unknown)

I am curious of the next theme. (nothing)

Is 3 days enough? Won’t you need a week? (nothing)

3 days...? (nothing)

Got it. (nothing)

...Let me hear it out first. (nothing)

Oh! Compliment from the bottom of Jaehee’s heart ! (nothing)

I was about to recommend the first one!! (707)

Jaehee… you want to get out of this fast, right? (Jaehee)

Cars are dreams! Don’t sell it! (nothing)

Seven! Sell your car to me! (nothing)

Maybe it’s duty-free business? Lol (nothing)

Since it’s largely influencing the national economy…I think it’ll be larger than what we imagine… (nothing)

Okay… Good bye. (nothing)

It’s inevitable because of its size difference. (nothing)

What is it...? (nothing

Not really. (nothing)

I pay a decent amount earnestly. Thought not as much as Jumin… (nothing)

I’m a person with a fragile wallet that gets billed with withholding tax. (nothing)

Wouldn’t V’s mother’s hair color have been mint? (nothing)

The father might have dyed his hair...(nothing)

V might have colored his hair...TT (nothing)

You’re the son of dragon? Whatever... (Jaehee)

I wish a dragon would come to the party... (707)

Wouldn’t it be better if we invite those who can actually attend the party? (Jaehee)

Let’s make an equal world for everyone together! (707)

Lololol (nothing)

It looks like a strong name. (nothing)

Whoa... (nothing)

It’s not the right time to unveil the sealing of the dragon Smug, so I therefore decline. (nothing)

Okay! Let’s invite it! (nothing + answer to the email)

Can the party be really held properly? T_T (Jaehee)

Wow- (nothing)

So this person has nothing to do with the pilot you first mentioned! (nothing)

How is this person related to you, Jaehee?;; (nothing)

You’ve put your effort in trying to find the most ordinary person! (nothing)

We’re already too ordinary, and I don’t think we need to invite this person! (707)

We cannot decline someone like that! (Jaehee + answer to the email)

Whoa…are you going to fall now? (nothing)

What are you talking about? I’m sure you’re not really flying through the sky…. (nothing)

Sounds dangerous... (nothing)

I want to try that! (nothing)

A genius! (707)

I’d expect nothing less from someone V has appointed in charge of security. (V)

I don’t think it’s a good idea to trust all of Seven’s words. I mean, we’ve seen him playing tricks a lot… (Jaehee)

Didn’t he invite the vampire and udon…? (Jaehee)

The party might become more interesting! (Jumin)

No way- They both don’t look like bad people. (nothing)

I’m worried that V might become baffled with all this. (V)

You don’t think V told those two to recommend only the weird guests to pretend to be holding a party, do you? (Unknown)

To rest during the evening, I must continuously work.. (nothing)

I should pick up and finish up the work I was doing- (nothing)

I’ll start my grand afternoon…! (nothing)

16:32 : Precious friend [V, Jumin]

V! Hi! (nothing)

Hello. (nothing)

Do you think the members were serious with their recommendations? (nothing)

I think it’ll be fun! (nothing)

Jumin, welcome. (nothing)

Two friends gathered in a chatroom^^ (nothing)

Rich people helping each other out - what a great world they live in. (nothing)

What kind of person is V’s father? I wonder what his impression is like. (nothing)

Did you exchange any secrets? (Unknown)

Ah, then you two should enjoy your conversation through the phone ^^ (V)

Is it a humiliating secret that you can’t share with me? (nothing)

Fathers are said to be close but distant as well. Especially in case of father-son relationship…! (nothing)

Oh… You’ve become estranged. I’m a bit like that as well. (V)

V, you have a lot of secrets... What kind of secrets are you hiding from your father? (Unknown)

It would have been better if you’ve told V before proceeding with it… (V)

I think it’ll be a good occasion to get together. (Jumin)

Can I go to that occasion? (Unknown)

I think it’s was Jumin’s way of being considerate of you- (Jumin)

V… you seem very uncomfortable with your father. (V)

Feels like your business will be a big hit! (Jumin)

You must have seen each other often since you both lived in the same neighborhood- (V)

Do you have any stories… like secrets regarding V? (Unknown)

Impressive; (nothing)

Church..? I don’t think that type of religion can heal people. (Unknown)

I want to hear memories of you two ^^ (nothing)

Who sang better? (nothing)

Cute - !! (V)

I think V would have won... (V)

So, who won? (nothing)

Please don’t say that, V. It’s not your fault. (V)

Yes… Sometimes an emotional decision can worsen the situation. (Unknown)

It’s going to get better little by little, V. (V)

Don’t you think this sadness isn’t something you can overcome? (Unknown)

V… don’t fall into too much despair, and try to cheer up! (V)

Bye. (nothing)

Though he looks very cool on the outside… I think he’s having a hard time. (nothing)

He wouldn’t think me as a replacement of Rika, would he? (nothing)

Is there anything I can do for V? (V)

I think Rika was more unfortunate. (Unknown)

I’m going to think of V… Bye. (V)

I’m going to take a break now! Take care! (nothing)

(Jumin calls)

18:24 : Explosion of Emotions [Yoosung, Zen]

Yes, I did. (nothing)

Umm… I did see it, though I didn’t understand quite well. (nothing)

Please calm down… (nothing)

Yoosung, you must be in pain... (Yoosung)

Doesn’t it feel like everyone is hiding something? (Unknown)

Hello – (nothing)

Welcome, Zen the Gorgeous - (nothing)

We were talking about Jumin. (Yoosung)

Yoosung is currently exploding with emotions. (Zen)

You should be nice to your relatives. (nothing)

Aunt and uncle? (nothing)

Whoa… isn’t that harsh? It was their daughter’s funeral…. (Yoosung)

Don’t you think Rika’s family affected her in a bad way? (V)

There seems to be a lot of drama... (nothing)

Rika was adopted? (nothing)

They’re a family. Didn’t they keep contact with Rika? (nothing)

I didn’t know since Rika had a bright image... (nothing)

I think V’s trying hard too. Why don’t you leave him alone for a bit….? (V)

It’s not easy to trust someone with secrets. (nothing)

Lololol (Yoosung)

I think having someone next to you would help ^^; (Zen)

Yup. It is a heal-all-potion, the panacea. (Zen)

I don’t think that’s something… Yoosung needs. (Yoosung)

Zen said that to help you… but you just shake it off… (nothing)

Don’t treat Yoosung like a child. He’s an adult. (nothing)

Zen… it might reach him later on. (Zen)

I don’t think it’s a good idea to enforce your method. (nothing)

Everyone might become more light-hearted when everyone reveals the truth! (Unknown)

I wonder what V’s thinking... (V)

I’m glad that at least you’re acting more positively. (Zen)

His way of grieving might be out of this world! (707)

Seven maybe has a heart made of steel? (nothing)

If you ride the motorcycle, V will get worried. (V)

Riding your motorcycle? Through the wind- (nothing)

You can ride through the wind with a VR game. (nothing)

I hope you’re not taking your motorcycle for a trip around your neighborhood! (nothing)

Zen, you’ll look gorgeous even after sweating. (Zen)

Visual Novel Yoosung

20:11 : Reason behind the Curiosity [Unknown]

Why does the background look different whenever you log on? (nothing)

You’re on your way here? Wow... (Unknown)

I was about to have dinner – (nothing)

I’m not in my room yet... (nothing)

I was resting. Doing this and that. (nothing)

Bzzzz! Wrong, you’ve got them all wrong! (nothing)

You’ve got a few right ^^ (nothing)

Um… don’t we need time to learn about each other? (nothing)

How much do you like me? (Unknown)

I feel… a tad suffocated. (Unknown – but not the best answer)

I actually feel good. (Unknown)

I acted naturally, not trying to pry out secrets. The ALs felt really natural…. (nothing)

It was fun today as well. V turned a bit more active. (V)

Give me a second... (nothing)

Yes! (nothing)

Visual Novel :

I’ve been waiting for you! It’s great to see you. (nothing)

Aren’t you busy? (nothing)

You said you needed caffeine. (nothing)

You talked about a garden. (nothing)

I want to go to that garden fast. (nothing)

I’m not an idiot- (nothing)

It’s a little chilly. (nothing)

They’re beautiful…! (nothing)

Just what do you do here, Ray? Why are you so busy?

When will this game end? (nothing)

No, I’d like to try it some more. (nothing)

I want to finish it quickly and go home. (nothing but don’t make him cry ;-;)

But…just what is this place? (nothing)

I want to go back and rest! (nothing)

Already ? I don’t want to go back. I feel trapped in there… (nothing)

Let’s walk for few more minutes. I want to talk to you some more. (nothing)

(THAT ENDING THOUGH, IM DYING)

21:49 : Powder of the Coordinator ! [707, V]

Hi-ho (nothing)

Cleaning Fairy! Have you completed all your chores? (707)

Yes, it was great talking to V and all. (V)

Yes- I went for a walk in the gardens. It was great. (Unknown)

I don’t know... (nothing)

Yes! (nothing)

This time it’s an insurance scam? (nothing)

Heartwarming.... (nothing)

When can I receive reimbursement? (nothing)

Yes^^ (V)

I’m holding the phone right now. (707)

Wow! I’m so glad! (nothing)

I’m embarrassed ^^; (nothing)

What else did you find out apart from that? (nothing)

Wow…! (nothing)

You really didn’t come in very often before lol (nothing)

And what other kinds of information did you find out? (nothing)

Sure- (nothing)

A tad later, please. (nothing)

Feels great that he’s looking out for me! (V)

I don’t know… Perhaps he’s not sincere about it. (Unknown)

Can I change the channel? (nothing)

V said not to advertise. (V)

Let’s hear it out first. (nothing)

Done with the advertisement? (nothing)

I want to buy one for V. (V)

Where did the insurance ad go? (nothing)

Yes, I’ll order one box, please… There’s someone here who needs it… (nothing)

Good luck with your convenience store thing! (707)

Bye, Mr.Advertiser. (nothing)

V calls

23:07 : Another Level of Salvation [Jaehee, Yoosung]

Jaehee, you should have some of Sevenstar drink…! (707)

Hello, Jaehee! You’re up late! (nothing)

I believe Seven will be able to avoid them without a problem. (707)

Troubled times, these times... (Jaehee)

I have a bad feeling about this... (nothing)

Why don’t you go to a shaman? Or hire an exorcist... (nothing)

Yes… I hope they stop before they create more victims. (V)

Um… Maybe it could actually save someone… That’s probably why deeply religious people look very happy. (Unknown)

Welcome- (nothing)

Yoosung, what have you been up to? (nothing)

No… We must stop him!!! (V)

Was it effective? (Unknown)

Are you ordering Sevenstar Drink!? (707)

Did you fall into the world of gaming? (Yoosung)

Isn’t that a virus..? (nothing)

Seems like a sign. (nothing)

Sob... (nothing)

Sniff… I smell something… the smell of a spaceship burning… (707)

Weren’t there any hidden information? (Unknown)

Start binge-gaming from now on. (Yoosung)

I’m thankful that he’s become brighter... (Jaehee)

Go back to the game. (Yoosung)

I believe it’s a problem you eventually have to return to and solve... (V)

Sounds like good words, but it’s always better to do an adequate amount of good deed. (nothing)

She’s right! (nothing)

I can see how dangerous it is just by hearing it; (V)

It may be happiness to those that want to be saved by force... (Unknown)

Why don’t we, the RFA, inherit and continue that!? (Yoosung)

Yes… But we won’t be able to do as much as before. (Unknown)

It might not be fancy like salvation, but I will do my best. (V)

Eating might help you ease that stress. (nothing)

Yoosung, it might be time for you to look for professional help. (nothing)

I’m a bit suspicious lol (nothing)

Whoa, interesting! (nothing)

He looks too fishy. I’ll decline. (nothing)

Let’s invite him! I wonder what his next costume will be after the leopard. (nothing + answer to the email)

Yoosung, you’re leaving in a speed of light. (nothing)

Vent out stress by gaming! (nothing)

I think he just needs a way to vent out like that for now. (Jaehee)

He needs true salvation... (Unknown)

I think I should get some rest too. (nothing)

If you find it, please tell me as well! (V)

Visual Novel Jaehee

Day 4 | V is here.

#day 3 #v route #v's route #v walkthrough #mystic messenger #walkthrough

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clausvonbohlen · 6 years

Text

Where I am; a manifesto, memoir, and auto-analysis.

I haven’t posted on here for a long time. This was intended to be a brief update, but has turned into something much longer, a sort of summary of the last 10 years. Perhaps that’s fitting, given that I turned 40 a few months ago. It will, however, require more commitment from you, my cherished reader.

But first, a disclaimer of sorts. This is about the ups, but also – and perhaps primarily – about the downs. And yet I know I am lucky. Indeed, I won a sort of birth lottery: I am white, male, educated, and have never suffered from lack of anything. If you don’t think that I should have downs, or if you think that if I have them I should not write about them, then you should stop reading here. This has been my experience, I promise to relate it to you with as much honesty as I am capable of. If that is not enough for you, then we cannot be friends.

This is also, in a sense, the story of my continuing search for happiness. When I say ‘happiness’, I mean it in the deepest sense – a life that is fulfilling, and meaningful, and conducive to continued growth and flourishing. There is nothing unique about that; it’s a journey we are all on, in one way or another. And I also feel a certain duty; if I, with all my advantages, can’t be happy in that deep sense, then what hope is there for those less fortunate? And if no one can be happy, then what, really, is the point of human existence on earth? Is that too grandiose an extrapolation? I don’t think so.

In fact, I do now feel that I am on the right path, but I lost it for a while, and I could lose it again. That’s what I now intend to write about.

I am not the first to have been at a loss, and particularly not at this stage. Seven centuries ago, Dante Alighieri wrote:

‘Nell’ mezzo del camin di nostra vita

mi ritrovai per una selva oscura

ché la diritta via era smarrita.’

When I had journeyed half of our life's way, I found myself within a shadowed forest, for I had lost the path that does not stray.

In my case, I began to find the path harder to follow about ten years ago. At that time I was living in London, writing, going out, occasionally hooking up with girls, going to rugby training during the week and playing matches on weekends. For years, rugby had been a big part of my life. I was only ever competent, but since my work life was solitary, I loved the team side of it, and the physicality too. But then, to my surprise, I found myself enjoying it less and less. The training was predictable, the games often disappointing; only the friendships kept me going.

My life in London also felt predictable and uninspiring. I had finished one novel and had not yet started on a second. I was serving part time as a Special Constable – a volunteer Police Officer- in the borough of Wandsworth. It was generally dull work, though I had signed up for it in the hope of excitement, and to get me out of my apartment, which was also my place of work. Then the opportunity arose for me to change tack and work for a German film director in Los Angeles, as his assistant. I took it. From one week to the next, I handed in my police badge, hung up my rugby boots, and moved to America.

I have recently been listening to some podcasts by the psychologist Richard Alpert, later known as Ram Dass. My experience of ceasing to enjoy playing rugby – a very small thing, in itself – gave me my first inkling of the much deeper changes that he describes more dramatically as ‘the dark night of the soul’. This is from a talk he gave:

‘And you will go through a period, some of you have already done it, where you are horrified by your dying, the dying of rushes you were previously getting from life, that you tried to hold on to something that was giving you a rush before, because you couldn’t ever conceive that it wouldn’t always give you a rush, but it doesn’t, and the lag between when you stopped having the rush and when you are willing to cop to it, see, that’s how bad you want to get done. A lot of us are clinging to rushes we are already done having, partly because we don’t know what to do next, or partly because we are afraid of what happens next, because “lest ye die ye cannot be born again”… and that is the “dark night of the soul” in St. John of the Cross, where you have lost the fun of the world and you haven’t fully tasted the divinity.’

There is a lot more in that talk, much of it still mysterious to me. But I would have to say, other ‘rushes’ then started to fall away too. Drinking. The Cresta Run. One night stands. Not to say that they couldn’t be enjoyable on occasion, but there was certainly no reliability in it. Not as there once had been, and not as other people seemed to experience.

Recently I had a very clear perception of the diminishing returns from ‘rushes’. I was walking home here in Athens, having smoked a joint. The whole way, I was focussed on the next sensory pleasure that I could give myself. I got home and drank a glass of wine. Then I ate some chocolate. Then I surfed the web. The dissatisfactory quality of each gratification was almost immediately evident; the pleasure lasted just moments, and as soon as it was over, I was casting around for the next one. The balance between enjoyment and dissatisfaction has shifted over the years, or maybe I now see it with greater clarity. In any case, I couldn’t help wondering, how long will I continue with this pattern? How long until the dissatisfaction outweighs the enjoyment? And what then?

A Western psychologist reading this might think, aha, sounds like you were/ are depressed. But I don’t think Richard Alpert would have said that. Or, if he had, he would have attributed very little significance to the term. It might be an accurate description – in terms of box-checking - of a certain pattern of feeling and behaving, but it says very little about the meaning and deeper purpose of that pattern. And I am sure that there is both meaning and purpose.

But to resume the narrative – the narrative of my life! – I moved to Los Angeles and very quickly realised that I was completely disenchanted with both the industry I was working in, and the city I had moved to. I met many talented, attractive, successful people, but they all seemed so unhappy, so anxious, so neurotic. In fact, the film industry and the city – hard for me to differentiate the two – seemed to suffer from a collective neurosis. I wanted to understand it.

At the same time, I had started to realise that the traditional goals were not going to provide me with the ‘rushes’ I had lost. I came across a quote by Helen Keller that resonated with me:

‘True happiness is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.’

And with that in mind, I decided to become a psychotherapist. I applied to graduate school in San Francisco, quit my job in Los Angeles, and embarked on a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology six months later.

At first, it was exciting to embark upon a new field of study, in a new city, with a sense of purpose. However, little by little, the disenchantment set in. Not so much with the absence of rushes, but rather with a sense that the material I was being taught, and the perspective I was being taught it from, were misguided. The information was accurate as far as it went, but it was based on a contracted view of what human life could be. I have written about this disenchantment in other places (e.g. my blog at that time, www.icanseealcatraz.blogspot.com). Eventually I found a happier home at Saybrook University, formerly the Humanistic Psychology Institute of California State University. Here I was able to take courses in the Psychology of Shamanism, Eastern Psychology and Existential Psychology, amongst others. I was encouraged to look at human life from a broader perspective.

I graduated with an MA in Existential, Humanistic and Transpersonal Psychology, then I went to work for the Gaza Community Mental Health Programme, a Palestinian NGO in the Gaza Strip. But with only rudimentary Arabic, I soon reached the limit of my usefulness. Following the kidnapping and murder of one of the very few other non-UN foreigners there, I moved to Beirut, to study Arabic.

My short time in Gaza made a big impression on me. Despite the poverty, the nightly sound of drones overhead, the sonic booms of Israeli fighter jets on daytime fly-bys, and the fact that ordinary Gazans cannot leave their tiny strip of land (no airport or port, closed borders), the people struck me as happier, on the whole, than the average American (yes, yes) in San Francisco. That impression deserves an essay in itself, and it is something I rarely talk about, since it is easily misinterpreted. It also has to do with the bonding effect of shared suffering and a common enemy (similar to the Blitz in that respect), as well as more tightly knit families, and minimal materialism. But in short, and as idealistic as this may sound, it made me realise that human relationships make people happier than constant material consumption ever can.

When I first arrived in Beirut, I taught English to Palestinian students from camps in Lebanon, through an NGO called Unite Lebanon Youth Project (ULYP). Then I heard about a vacancy for a full time teacher of English Literature, and also Philosophy, at Brummana High School, in the mountains above Beirut. I applied, went for an interview, and was offered the job.

I worked at Brummana for two years. Some of those experiences are detailed elsewhere in this blog. But in short, I was teaching subjects that I found interesting, to students that I liked. I had a lot of freedom and was even allowed to design and teach a Creative Writing elective that turned out to be more like group therapy, with some poems and short stories on the side. I was living in a beautiful place, with sweeping views over Beirut and the Mediterranean. I was doing the kind of work that is generally thought to be worthwhile, to accord with Keller’s ‘worthy purpose’, and to be fulfilling. And yet, having settled into the daily and weekly routine, it was not long before I once again started to feel restless.

I left Brummana, and Lebanon at the same time. I was not sure what I wanted to do next, but I thought that a cure for my perpetual restlessness might be a long walk, so I walked with Finny – my Lebanese foundling dog – from Salzburg to Santiago de Compostela, along the old medieval pilgrims’ route. The walk took us six months, and I wrote about it here – www.onehundredwordsaweek.blogspot.com

The walk gave me plenty of time to think. I limited my access to email and internet to once a week. One email I received along the way was from an old school friend, organizing a dinner for a group of us who had left school exactly twenty years before. It made me think back to that period of my life, and these lines from the Frank O’Hara’s poem ‘Animals’ came to mind:

Have you forgotten what we were like then

when we were still first rate,

and the day came fat with an apple in its mouth?

I was reminded of certain mornings as a teenager, perhaps during the summer holidays, when my body hummed with energy, and when the future filled me with a sense of tremendous excitement.

And I thought of Housman’s lines from section XV of ‘A Shropshire Lad’, lines that more accurately reflected my own experience of recent years:

Into my heart an air that kills

From yon far country blows;

What are those blue remembered hills,

What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content,

I see it shining plain,

The happy highways where I went,

And cannot come again.

I had hoped that the pilgrimage would allow me to work out what I wanted to do with my life. It didn’t. Or at least, not in any long-term way. However, it did make me think that after almost a decade away from the UK, I should return there to spend some time with my parents, and also to put some energy into maintaining and renovating parts of our family home in Sussex. It is an old house with a lovely garden and I have memories of a very happy childhood there. But it had started to look a little neglected, perhaps more obvious to me since I would just see it once or twice a year. The place has given me a lot, and I felt a responsibility to it.

So I found myself back in a place that I loved, channeling my energy into a project that felt worthwhile, and spending some time with parents who will not be around for ever. Ideas of nostalgia were still in my head, but not in the way they had been during the walk. Now I became aware of the second meaning of the term – not homesickness so much as a more literal ‘nostos’ and ‘algos’, the pain of returning home (an insight that I owe to Rory Dunlop and his very enjoyable novel ‘What We Didn’t Say’). Because I did now feel pain; home was not the same, my parents were not the same, and nor was I.

At first I minimized all this. People close to me endorsed my renovation project, and my decision to spend time with my parents. I knew I was lucky to have grown up in such a beautiful place. But the problem was that I was struggling to see the beauty, or feel the luck. Wherever I looked I just saw problems, endless menial maintenance tasks with no end in sight, like one of those bridges – The Golden Gate, the Severn - where as soon as the painters finish painting one end they need to start at the beginning again.

What’s more, I was drinking a couple of cocktails every evening, then passing out as soon as I lay down. But I would wake up feeling exhausted and achy, and my tiredness would only increase throughout the day. I also felt a tightness in my throat, and a general lack of enthusiasm. I thought I might have contracted a virus, so I went to see my GP. He did some blood tests but couldn’t find anything wrong.

Throughout my life, books and literature have always provided a refuge. But no longer: I was struggling to concentrate, and I wasn’t enjoying any of the books that I picked up, despite the fact that they often came highly recommended.

In a last ditch attempt to lift myself out of this slough of literary despond, I made a larger order of carefully chosen titles, from Amazon. The first book to arrive, clearly addressed to me, was ‘What Matters Most’, by Dr. James Hollis. Bizarrely, I had never heard of it. There was no receipt, and when I viewed my account online, I found no record of having ordered it.

That night, most unusually, I woke up at 2am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I picked up the book and started reading. I read for 3 hours straight; it felt as if the book had been written specifically for me. Dr. Hollis’ thesis, based on his Jungian training, is that there is something beyond the Freudian id-ego-superego structure, and that is the soul. The soul needs to grow, needs to feel that it is expanding and developing, and if that does not happen, then sooner or later we will experience symptoms – lack of energy, frustration, anxiety, indecision, and physical ailments too.

Despite the somewhat pop-y title, Hollis is a serious Jungian analyst. From his perspective, the book’s mysterious arrival would not be an accident, but an instance of synchronicity. The following morning, when I woke, I saw a whatsapp message on my phone from an old friend with whom I communicate about once a month. He told me he had just woken from a dream in which I had recommended a book to him. I told him of my experience of the night, and recommended Hollis’ book to him.

‘What Matters Most’ made me realise that my malaise had a meaning, that my body was the means through which the soul and the unconscious were trying to communicate with me, and that those deepest parts of me were frustrated because they did not feel they were growing. Most people my age are married and have families; many have their own businesses. These are all creative acts. I, on the other hand, was trying to patch up my childhood, to preserve my parents’ vision, and – essentially - to hold onto the past. The book also drew my attention to the way that it can often be fear – fear of change, fear of failure, fear of what other people will think – that holds us back from being all that we can be.

In the summer, I attended an Ayahuasca retreat in Scotland, something I was quite apprehensive about, since I have long questioned the value of de-contextualised shamanism. But the retreat was guided by an inspiring individual who was himself deeply rooted in a specific tradition, and it rekindled my own interest in plant medicine and Amazonian shamanism. I felt that the time had come to delve deeper into that world, so I interviewed the shaman about where it might still be possible to find uncontaminated shamanic practices in the Amazon (without risking one’s life), and based on his information, I planned a trip for the end of the year.

I went to Peru with my mind open; I wanted to see whether it would be possible for me to communicate with the plants in the way that curanderos and vegetalistas describe. I took Ayahuasca twice a week over a period of two months, as described in previous posts on this blog, but the plants did not communicate with me. Or, at least, that is what I thought at the time. They certainly did not teach me their healing and medicinal purposes, nor the songs through which this information is said to be relayed. But, in restrospect, I think they may have had a message for me, namely that it was not the right time for me to explore that world. I needed to ground myself in this world more firmly first, to feel that I had a home of my own, an Archimedean point.

My Ayahuasca trips are rarely very visual, but one mental image that kept coming back to me was of an empty white room, with a view of the blue sky and the blue sea. At the time, I thought this was probably a reaction to my life in Sussex where, in addition to feeling lethargic and unwell, I had felt oppressed by ‘stuff’ – the accumulated clutter of my lifetime, and my parents’ lifetime, and the clutter of previous generations. So many things, and they weighed on me, as a sense of family history also weighed on me. The empty white room was the opposite of that: a space in which to let go, to de-clutter, and to create.

I was able to experience a pared down, de-cluttered life in a Zen monastery in Japan some months later, and I found it very rewarding. But it was brutal too – the monastery was freezing, I was not allowed to wear socks or a hat, and the obligatory 4.30am morning meditation was followed by hours of floor cleaning, with a cold wet rag. But I soon felt calmer than I had done for years, though I also realised that I was not ready to make a longterm commitment to that kind of a life, though at some future point, who knows.

Back in Europe some months later, I joined a few friends on a short hiking holiday in Crete, inspired by the Patrick Leigh-Fermor and Stanley Moss’ kidnapping of the German General Kreipe in 1942, and their subsequent march across the mountainous centre of the island. General Kreipe had been dragging his feet, expecting to be rescued at any moment. On the first morning of his abduction he observed the sunrise on Mt. Ida and quoted the first verse of Horace’s ‘Ode to Thaliarcus’, describing a similar sunrise on Mt. Soractus in the Apennines. When he had finished, Patrick Leigh-Fermor – a classicist blessed with an excellent memory - quoted the remaining verses. The General was impressed and stopped dragging his feet from that point on. In his memoir, Patrick Leigh Fermor wrote, “…for a long moment, the war had ceased to exist. We had both drunk at the same fountains long before.”

I was blown away by the area of Crete that we were hiking through. The walk across Europe had re-sensitized me to the beauty of landscape, but these Cretan mountains were, I felt, the landscapes that I wished to get to know deeply, and one day to paint.

I won’t pretend that I found the actual empty white room of my Ayahuasca visions, but this place definitely had the right feel. It was here that I could imagine building that white room for myself, with its view of the sea and the sky.

I returned to the UK with a sense of excitement about the future that I had not felt for some time. I was finally finding some direction, even a sense of purpose.

Some readers may be thinking, fine, but what about teaching? What about psychotherapy? What about helping people? Maybe you should be less selfish, maybe if you had committed to those things, you would have found that sense of purpose?

I hear you, friend reader! But I felt I did commit, to the extent that I was capable at those times, and yet I was restless. Not despairing, but not exactly happy either. Does that matter? Should it not be enough just to feel that you are doing something worthwhile? I think it does matter. Happiness creates ripples, and if you are happy in yourself, then that will have a positive effect on all the interactions you have, and on all the people you meet. The uplifting interaction with a stranger in a supermarket may have more impact than the worthiest acts that are performed by someone who is profoundly miserable. We are not the originators of love or positivity; rather, we are conduits for those qualities, and we channel them most effectively when we are happy in ourselves.

Happiness, in this deep sense, is not a purely selfish thing. It benefits others too, and in some mysterious way it may even shape the world we live in. So do what makes you happy, but make sure you understand the distinction between sensory gratification and real happiness.

But isn’t the pursuit of happiness always self-defeating? We are happy until we ask ourselves whether we are happy, and then we realise we could be happier, and that makes us unhappy… Happiness is, in the words of Oliver Burkeman, a ‘delicate two-step’: aim at it too directly, and you will lose it.

There is truth in that. But at the same time, I think that there are certain constituents of happiness that will never let us down. Two of the most important, as Freud stated, are work and love. Work, at its best, should provide a sense of purpose, and also allow us to experience a state of flow, that sense of being fully absorbed in a task. Seen in this light, work can be very similar to concentration meditation; it allows the restless mind to settle.

To be in that state of flow and get paid for it is perhaps the holy grail. But even if we don’t get paid for it, we still need it. We might then describe it as a ‘hobby’, or perhaps it is simply unpaid work (like my mother ‘working’ in the garden), but the important thing is that we are having that experience.

We also need to feel love, or else we become brittle and emotionally atrophied. But that need not necessarily be romantic love. We can love our friends, or music, or a pet, or nature, or God; the important thing is to remove the blockages from that channel.

To return to my own story, I have known for some time that I need to rediscover the state of flow. My walk across Europe had reminded me of the power of landscape to move me. Crete’s rugged beauty impressed me deeply. When I was younger, I used to paint a lot. But in my 20s and early 30s, I did not find it dynamic enough. Now I think differently; the calming, meditative quality holds an appeal for me that I was not conscious of before. I made up my mind to return to Crete and devote myself to painting landscapes. And the more I thought about it, the more it seemed the right thing to do.

I remembered a piece of advice from a letter that Hunter S. Thompson wrote to his friend Hume Logan. Logan requests career advice, to which Thompson replies: ‘…beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life.’

When I imagine my future, I do not aspire to being surrounded by flapping assistants, chauffeured from meeting to meeting, plied with rich food and drink, signing cheques for the maintenance of houses and expensive toys. And estranged wives. No, I would much rather spend time in the landscapes that I love, building a relationship with them through meticulous observation, and recording that relationship through the act of painting. A direct relationship, not mediated through a digital screen, and – crucially – free from distractions. Hemingway said: ‘The man who has begun to live more seriously within begins to live more simply without.’ I want to live seriously within.

I have also been inspired by the film Jiro Dreams of Sushi, about an elderly Japanese sushi chef called Jiro. In my own life, I have not observed many people ageing well, by which I mean being happy and at peace with themselves and the world as they grow old. Jiro, though rather a tyrant in his restaurant, seems to me to be that rare bird: a happy old man. He still works every day, as he has done since his earliest youth, and he is driven by the same goal: to make the perfect mouthful of sushi, just a tiny fraction of a degree more delicious than anything he has ever made before. He has no interest in retirement, or even in holidays; what can they offer a man with so clear a sense of purpose?

Jiro is an artist. Perhaps he is lucky to have been born with a fine palate, and with so clear a sense of purpose. But perhaps we can decide on our purpose, and thereby make our own luck.

In the Amazon, the plants had not spoken to me, at least not through the medium of song. And yet, more and more, I feel that they are alive, and maybe that they do have spirits. Indeed, that all of nature is animate in that way. Painting is a way to concentrate on the natural world, and to explore these intuitions more deeply.

I know that landscape painting is not really part of the dialogue of contemporary art, but that doesn’t bother me. In fact, I think I prefer it that way. If you have got this far, you will have realised that I prefer the monologue anyway. In addition, landscape painting could have a moral dimension, since the more we appreciate the beauty and harmony of nature, the less likely we are to destroy it. Painting has the capacity not only to open the eyes of the artist, but of the viewer too. That is a worthy goal; to communicate something of the vision and the sensitivity.

Finally, perhaps I am starting to see painting as a secular form of worship; through it, I can express my gratitude for creation, and for the fact that I am here to appreciate it. And maybe that is our collective human purpose: we are nature becoming conscious of itself.

Back in London, I started taking Greek lessons at the Hellenic Centre. Then I bought a second-hand motorbike, tidied my affairs, and set off by motorbike for Crete. I took the ferry to Santander, arriving by night in the middle of a rainstorm, then crossed the north of Spain to Barcelona. I stayed with my old friend F, whom I had got to know 20 years before, when we both played for a rugby team in Barcelona. On the last night of my visit, his wife gave birth, two weeks early. He just managed to get her to the hospital in time, and I said goodbye to him and his wife, and their newborn baby, in the maternity ward the following morning.

I spent a week with other friends in France, then continued into Italy in the crucible of a heat-wave. Biking long distances is tiring at the best of times, but exhausting in 42 degrees, when the heat radiates off the motorway and you are clad in black leather. I had planned to bike through the Balkans, but there were wildfires in Albania, and I was finding it increasingly tough going. I crossed the north of Italy and then decided to take the ferry from Ancona to Greece. While biking the final leg from Patras to Athens, I felt euphoric; I had a strange sense of having finally come home. I thought of Cavafy’s poem ‘Ithaka’:

Keep Ithaka always in your mind. Arriving there is what you are destined for. But do not hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so you are old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all you have gained on the way, not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Greece is not my native soil, but I am beginning to feel that my journey has been a long one. Perhaps that is enough; anywhere can be home if we choose to make it so.

Except for the touristy areas, Athens in August is something of a ghost town. I only stayed a couple of days before continuing to Crete. I was afraid that it would not live up to my idealised recollections, but I need not have worried. I returned to the area I had visited in the spring, and it was as wild and beautiful as I remembered. I hiked, swam in the sea, painted watercolours, and observed the old men in the taverna at night. But despite the inspiring landscape, I soon realised that, at this point in my life, I would find life in this remote area of Crete too lonely. In addition, I am still a very long way from possessing the technical skill to paint the kind of pictures that I have in my head.

In September I returned to Athens. I started a course of intensive Greek lessons, and I spent my days crisscrossing the city on foot, getting to know different areas and looking for an apartment to rent, as well as a space to use as a painting studio. It was still very hot, and at times the language barrier could make life difficult. But things seemed to fall into place: I met good people and found spaces that far exceeded my hopes, both in terms of charm and affordability. I felt that I was experiencing first-hand my theory about positive energy: when you are happy and open to the universe and to others, then good things often fall into your lap. It seems more than just coincidence.

There are many things I love about Athens. Above all, I feel that people are less neurotic than in any other place I have ever lived. There is not the same restless quality. At times this can be challenging too; it often makes me realise how impatient I am, but that is a valuable lesson. At least once a day I have to say to myself, ‘You can’t hurry the Greeks.’

I love the absence of billboards and advertising in the city generally, and particularly on the underground. My mental space is more protected here, my consciousness not constantly invaded by disingenuous images telling me what products I need to buy in order to be happy, or what I should look like, or the kind of life that I should aspire towards. It’s very pleasant, but most Greeks are unaware of their good fortune in this respect, because it is all they know. I am tempted to draw a parallel with colour perception in the ancient world. There is no word for blue in ancient Greek, perhaps because, with all that immensity of sea and sky, the colour was so ubiquitous that the ancient eye was not trained to pick it out.

I love the fact that the bars and cafés are crowded with cheerful, attractive Athenians who will sip from one or two glasses of iced espresso all night. Their pleasure comes from conversation, from each other, and not from getting wasted.

I love the fact that this is not a nanny state. Occasionally you will see someone riding a motorbike, no helmet, cigarette between his lips, holding a phone to his ear, and with a dog perched on the fuel tank. Dangerous, yes, but free too.

There are many beautiful Greek girls. In some ways they are similar to Lebanese girls, but they are more natural looking. I love the sound of the language as they speak it. It has a delicate, tinkling quality, like a clear mountain stream.

I love the exaggerated respect that you are shown when you have to enter a PIN number anywhere. As soon as a shopkeeper or waiter has given you the portable terminal, he will retreat into a corner, closing his eyes and turning his back, as if you were handling a vial of anthrax rather than a credit card.

I love the fact that in a spinning class I went to, the strapping instructor came round before and after the class offering everyone chocolate truffles; during the class, he projected a sequence of Victoria’s Secret videos, which was an excellent distraction for me, and which the rest of the class – all girls - appeared to not to mind.

As a single person, I love the fact that in Greek the same word (‘ελευθερος’) means both ‘single’ and ‘free’.

I love the fact that internet dating has not caught on in Athens. Greeks prefer to speak to each other in person, and will still start conversations with strangers in a queue, rather than focus all their attention on their telephones. They think that there is something a little bit sad about conducting the affairs of the heart through an app, even when real world interactions mean running the risk of rejection. And, because they are less neurotic, the belief that the perfect partner is just one more swipe away has less traction.

Of course there have been challenging days too, particularly while I was struggling to find a place to live, owing to the boom in Airbnbs, and consequent dearth of furnished apartments on the domestic market. But often things felt not quite real. On one occasion, when I was frustrated after yet another rejection from a prospective landlord, I looked up to see a clown on an oversize unicycle cycling down hectic Piraeus street; as if the universe were telling me to take a deep breath and lighten up.

That is a just a very small moment, but it does tap into a much bigger question about the reality of the external world. For some time now I have wondered about the extent to which we are involved in the co-creation of what we perceive to be reality. I don’t think it is possible to take psychedelics and shamanic entheogens without at some point asking oneself these questions.

There is a famous thought experiment in philosophy: can we ever know that our experience is what we believe it to be, or could we just be disembodied brains in vats having our neuronal circuitry manipulated by mad scientists? In light of last year’s American election, when a clown in a toupée was elected President of the United States, the brain-in-a-vat theory suddenly seems quite plausible.

I am neither a solipsist nor an idealist in the Berkeleyan sense: I do believe that other people exist in meaningful ways, and not just because I have an idea of them. However, what interests me is the extent to which my ideas shape the experiences I have, and how they contribute to creating my ‘reality’. This is a big, and possibly unanswerable, question for metaphysics, but its implications are perhaps most evident in the field of psychology, where it has arisen in an pointed way for me in the context of making choices.

Choice is a sword with two very sharp edges. One the one hand, choice is a luxury and a privilege; the richer, more talented, more successful a person is, the more choice they often have. But on the other hand, it seems to me that nothing is quite as likely to cause neurosis, dissatisfaction, and avoidable suffering. To give a very simple example, I can find myself paralyzed before a supermarket shelf of different washing-up liquids: which is the best? Which is the cheapest? Which smell do I like best? Which colour do I prefer? What can this one do that the others can’t? On a bad day, the decision-making process is painful, probably because this one choice carries with it a little bit of all the other unmade choices in my life. However, if I go into the local corner store which stocks just one size and type of washing up liquid, I will buy it and be perfectly happy.

In small ways, I can find myself undone by choice. I am now consciously attempting to prevent those small ways from becoming bigger ways. For instance, I attend Tai Chi classes here in Athens. There are mornings when I don’t feel like going; I’m tired, or it’s raining, or I just don’t feel like it. I am currently experimenting with pretending that I don’t have a choice. I don’t allow myself to go down the decision-making path. Just do it. And I have to say that so far I feel much better for it.

Washing-up liquid and a Tai Chi class are of course very small things, but it is good to practise with the small things. The bigger things are, perhaps, choosing to move to Greece. I have moved to different countries and different cities in the past, but always in a provisional, transient way. I feel differently about this move, and that is having a beneficial effect on my own habitual inner restlessness. It is also, I think, the right kind of preparation for committing to this new career, and possibly even to a person.

Maybe I have just been rather slow to adopt this strategy. Years ago, I joined a Canadian-American friend in a cross-country skiing marathon from Norway to Sweden. My friend is affectionately known as Captain America, owing to his chiseled chin and robust all-round competence. I had flu on the day of the marathon and was running a temperature, not at all pleasant in -20 degrees. My progress was very slow, also because the phlegm in my lungs kept making me retch. My friend stuck loyally by my side for the first 30 kilometers or so, then – in a moment reminsicent of a Vietnam movie – I persuaded him to push ahead at his own speed. Captain America’s parting words to me were, ‘Remember: failure is not an option.’ I am not sure whether I found it all that motivating at the time, but now I recognise the effectiveness of that attitude.

But for me there is one problem with this approach, and it is a problem of intellectual consistency. Unfortunately, the pretence that I don’t have a choice does not sit well with my commitment to the existential perspective, as formulated philosophically by Sartre and psychotherapeutically by Irvin Yalom. Central to the existential perspective is the recognition that we have total choice, and total responsibility for our lives. There is no human ‘essence’; it is up to us to make of ourselves what we will. We are ‘condemned’ to be free, and any attempt to shirk that freedom is intellectually dishonest, personally inauthentic, and breaks faith with life (Sartre terms it ‘mauvaise foi’, bad faith).

Is my pretence that I don’t have a choice an example of bad faith? I’m not sure. It is a strategy that enables me to circumvent my own neurotic tendencies, a strategy that would have prevented Buridan’s ass from starving. Indeed, Buridan’s ass may have had a very happy life had he adopted it. And in my own case, it has not made me shrink from life. Quite the opposite: I have committed to Greece, to landscape painting, to learning Greek, and to practicing Tai Chi… all of these are slow processes, and this strategy helps me get over the little ups and downs. But I would not have been able to make these changes and commit to these things if I had not recognized my essential freedom in the first place.

This conflict is just a shadow of the more serious one that arises from my growing conviction that there are karmic principles at work in our lives. I am increasingly persuaded by the sages, mystics and monks who believe in reincarnation and who say that the point of our many lives is to lead us, finally, to liberation. There are many things I don’t understand: what aspect of ‘us’ gets reincarnated? How is it all organised? How can there be more people alive today than ever before? But what I like about reincarnation, and what seems intuitively correct, is that there is a point to our lives. Every new incarnation gives us the opportunity to burn through the accumulated negativity of past incarnations. Nothing happens by chance. The relationships that we have in this life are reconfigurations of similar constellations from the past; they repeat themselves until they have been fully resolved. When ‘bad’ things happen to us, they present us with the opportunity to resolve the blockages that are holding us back, and to grow in precisely the ways that we need. This is the amor fati of the Ancients; but is it true? Or is it just wishful thinking, the Panglossian optimism that Voltaire ridicules in ‘Candide’?

A part of me wants to follow Pascal and his wager: we can never know for sure, so why not believe what is most beneficial? There is no doubt that I am happier believing that there is a point to my life, that it is one of many lives, and that suffering has a reason and a purpose. Of course, one cannot choose to believe just anything. But I don’t have to try to force myself to believe this; it is in line with my intuitions.

As I have already indicated, I am increasingly persuaded by the idea that we are involved in creating the reality that we experience. Convince yourself that failure is not an option, and you are more likely to succeed. But does the same hold in the field of metaphysics? Do our thoughts, either individually or collectively, create the ‘reality’ we experience? I think that probably is the case: in significant ways, we think the world into being. The objective and subjective worlds are not completely distinct; if they are separated at all, it is only by a porous membrane. If you believe in reincarnation, then the belief alone may be enough to make it true. This is the perspective of many peoples and cultures down the ages: thought is primary and thinking (or dreaming, ‘dream-time’) creates the reality we experience.

Interestingly, there is no way to disprove this theory. If Western science looks at indigenous beliefs and shows them to be false – i.e. a mistaken representation of the way things really are – this is in fact exactly what the indigenous perspective would expect, since Western science is also just another reality that has been thought into being. There is no ‘way that things really are’; there are just different ways of thinking, and these create different realities.

Belief in reincarnation and the doctrine of karma also seems to presuppose a deterministic world. I once consulted a Vedic astrologer in South India; his reading of my natal chart was astonishingly accurate, and specific. I questioned him about the assumptions underlying the reading. He confirmed that, from the Vedic perspective, the world is fully determined. The outcome of this life, and of all future lives, is already known. We will never change the course of our lives – even the changes that we think we make have already been determined – but we can watch our lives unfold with curiosity.

Does this make life pointless and boring? Not at all. The Vedic astrologer drew the following parallel: Harry Potter’s life has been fully determined by the author, nevertheless, Harry himself does not know the outcome, and his life in each book is still vitally interesting to him - he believes that he is meaningfully shaping his future, although the author has already decided it.

What to make of this parallel with a fictional character? If thought creates reality, then in a sense we are fictional characters, either created by ourselves, or by some much greater ‘author’. Can this parallel shed light on the question of how to resolve the conflict between the radical freedom of existentialism, and the determined universe of reincarnation and Vedic thought? I don’t know, but I feel that resolving this conflict – at least to my personal satisfaction - may be the major intellectual task of the rest of my life.

In fact, it is a task that I have already embarked upon. Part of the reason why I am attracted to Zen Buddhism is because it appears to take one beyond rationality, to a world of pure awareness, a world that is not subject to the rules of thought, and that transcends conflicts of logic. The point of the Zen koan, as I understand it, is to shake us out of our ordinary way of thinking, and to give us an intimation that the world in its suchness is not as we assume it to be. These ideas are hard to frame in language, because language is itself a function of the rules that govern thought (non-contradiction, identity and so on); what Zen attempts to convey is a different perspective, beyond reason and hence also beyond ordinary language.

In the end – at the end of life, at the end of thought – perhaps the best model is provided by the ancient lama in Rudyard Kipling’s ‘Kim’. At the end of his pilgrimage, he returns to the mountains and says: ‘These are indeed my hills. Thus should a man abide, perched above the world, separated from delights, considering vast matters.’

I am finally content where I am, and not ready to perch above the world, separated from delights. But nor am I free from all anxiety. I do, for instance, wonder whether I will ever be able to paint landscapes that will match the images in my head. But here again Jiro Dreams of Sushi has provided me with inspiration. From that film, I learnt that a sushi chef in Japan spends the first two years of his career just learning how to make rice. One cannot rush things. Start small, and stay the course. In my own case, I will start with still lives, and little by little, improve my technique (should you wish, you can follow my progress via instagram: konrad_ratibor_bohemian). If I find flow, and practise diligently, then I am hopeful that one day I will create work that I am happy with. But perhaps, in order to retain the sense of purpose, one must always keep aiming a little bit higher, as Jiro does.

The life of an artist may seem very self-involved to you. It often does to me. But then I think that perhaps the greatest contribution that anyone can make is to find a way of life that makes them happy, and to share the path that got them there. Maybe in the end it can be the artist’s life that inspires others to follow their own passion, whatever it is, and realise happiness for themselves. I will conclude with Dr. Hollis’ formulation of the same sentiment in ‘What Matters Most’:

‘Maybe all of us will learn to grapple with the paradox that living our lives more fully is not narcissism, but service to the world when we bring a more fully achieved gift to the collective. We do not serve our children, our friends and partners, our society by living partial lives, and being secretly depressed and resentful. We serve the world by finding what feeds us, and, having been fed, then share our gift with others.’

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that-black-parade · 7 years

Text

V’s Route Walkthrough (Day 3)

[Previous Day | Next Day]

00:31 Under the Shimmering. Selection 1

I was waiting to meet you, Zen. (Zen)

I wanted to chill out more and then go to sleep. (Nothing)

Selection 2

The beautiful are sleepy heads…? (Zen)

I think your biorhythm will break living like that. (Nothing)

Selection 3

God, finally we’ll have some peace and silence. (Nothing)

Wow, you’re even humble! Such perfection! (Zen)

I actually want to see V’s photos! (V)

Selection 4

Zen, riding your bike under the moonlight… (Zen)

I wonder how Jumin will look riding the bike! (Nothing)

Are you in a motorcycle gang? (Nothing)

Selection 5

That’s the thing, you can never find your driver’s license when needed. (Nothing)

Share with me some photos of your driver’s license, if you have some. (Nothing)

Selection 6

It’s the same thing. Just do it. (Nothing)

Both are so perfect. How am I to choose!? (Zen)

Wow! It’s you when you were younger! (Nothing)

Selection 7

You’re here to see me!! (Nothing)

I want to chat with everyone together. (V)

Selection 8

Aren’t motorcycles dangerous? (Nothing)

Zen, you had an accident? (Nothing)

Selection 9

When you’re feeling frustrated and all, playing games are the best! 0% accidents! (Nothing)

What if something dangerous happens to you? (V)

You feel free as a bird when you ride with the wind. (Zen)

Selection 10

How exactly did the crash occur? (Nothing)

Tell me what happened back then. (Nothing)

Selection 11

It would have been serious if V didn’t follow you. (V)

V, you’re quite persistent. (Nothing)

Selection 12

V, you should take photos of someday as well! (V)

Trying to deny it by myself is too hard. I need some help here. (Nothing)

Selection 13

Flowers? V, were you Zen’s fan? (V)

Zen, what were you like back in the days? (Nothing)

Selection 14

Maybe you’re in a slump? (Nothing)

You still look promising. (Nothing)

Life is about rebounding back when you were considering quitting lol (Nothing)

Selection 15

I lie low for a while. (Nothing)

Do something that brightens your mood! (Nothing)

Forget about everything and let time pass by. (Nothing)

Selection 16

You seem to be coming in at late hours… Are you okay? (V)

V, do you normally clock in such late hours? (Nothing)

Selection 17

Have you ever heard of alcohol-related dementia? (Nothing)

Zen, I hope you get to shoot a beer commercial. (Zen)

V, you go well with wine! (Nothing)

Selection 18

Good bye! (Nothing)

Don’t drink to much! (V)

Selection 19

You have a lot to worry about. (Nothing)

I’m like that as well. (V)

Selection 20

I’m going to stay up late. (Nothing)

I think I should get going now. (Nothing)

02:46 Paradox of the Survival of the Fittest. Selection 1

Ray, why aren’t you sleeping? (Nothing)

We connected as I wanted to see you as well! (Ray)

You seem to have a lot of work to do. (Nothing)

I was testing the game you gave me. (Ray)

Selection 2

If you have something to say, come over yourself. (Nothing)

There’s the modern convenience called the phone. (Nothing)

Selection 3

Wonder why it grew in two stalks. (Nothing)

Then it’ll bloom twice as much flowers! (Nothing)

Selection 4

I feel sad for the weaker stalk… (Nothing)

It could be that one of its like an extra giveaway, since it grew into two from one stalk.

Wouldn’t it be because only one had sunlight and the other had none? (Nothing)

Selection 5

There’s nothing you can do, it’s nature’s way of survival of the fittest.

I want to save the weaker stalk somehow. (Ray)

Selection 6

You’re right. The weaker stalk was the one that sacrificed! (Ray)

Throw it out and buy a new pot.

But for flowers to blossom, the weaker one should be stripped.

Rescue both. (Nothing)

Selection 7

Wow…I’ll look forward to it, Ray! (Nothing)

It’ll be a flower gained from the other’s sacrifice… (Nothing)

Selection 8

Yawn. I think the game you made is more interesting.

It was fun. With hidden morals and all… (Ray)

Selection 9

Are you going back to work? (Nothing)

Ray, when are you going to sleep? (Nothing)

07:00 Take Care of Your Health. Selection 1

Change you glasses into sunglasses lol (Nothing)

Why don’t you lower the brightness? (Nothing)

Selection 2

I’ll get ready to write it down! (707)

Huh. The name’s even suspicious for a start. (Nothing)

Selection 3

Isn’t that just a bunch of powders and not a drink? (Nothing)

Can I taste it? (Nothing)

Selection 4

Reports to police right now. (Nothing)

It’s not like the stakes are some kinds of market free-giveaways… (Nothing)

Selection 5

Send in an ingredients review document as well. (Nothing)

A match of outstanding product quality!! (707)

Selection 6

You don’t even know the prices at convenience stores? You must be joking! (Nothing)

Seems you have an innocent spot in you, Jumin. (Jumin)

Selection 7

You’re suddenly acting a bit pathetic. (Jumin)

Throwing it out down the drain…of something you made with great difficulty… T_T (707)

Selection 8

Catch your breath is important as well. (707)

In other words, you’re distracted. (Nothing)

Selection 9

You’re nodding to that? ;;;;; (Nothing)

Tell me more of this cleaning fairy. (Nothing)

Selection 10

Awesome! Why don’t we learn its secret cleaning methods at the party? (Email)

Cleaning fairy sounds too suspicious… (Nothing)

Selection 11

Huh; It’s Jaehee;; (Nothing)

Jaehee, good morning! (Nothing)

Selection 12

You are very persistent. (Nothing)

Too bad, you were this close to being successful in your fabrication. (707)

Selection 13

Jaehee, good luck today! (Jaehee)

You just came in. Are you already leaving? (Nothing)

Selection 14

Isn’t it enough to have one friend like V? (Jumin)

You really have only two friends? (707)

Selection 15

Can someone translate what Seven’s saying? (Jumin)

1011011… (707)

Selection 16

I thought it was funny lol (Nothing)

It wasn’t too far. It was way way too far. (Nothing)

Selection 17

Stop getting distracted and get to work.

Don’t forget to bring Sevenstar Drink Version 2 when you come back! (Nothing)

09:13 Back in the Days. Selection 1

Did you get your license renewed? (Nothing)

Cat cafe. (Nothing)

A morning meeting of beautiful people? lol (Zen)

Jumin’s company? (Nothing)

Selection 2

I’m actually tired of seeing it since I’ve seen it numerous times. (Nothing)

I’m ready to hit Save. Please show it to me!!!! (Zen)

Selection 3

Oh! I suppose the roads were familiar to you— (Nothing)

When did you debut? (Nothing)

Selection 4

And the story goes that it was your girlfriend. (Nothing)

You must be happy. (Nothing)

Ooh, celebrity! (Zen)

Selection 5

What did photo did V debut with? (V)

It must have been worthwhile! (Zen)

Selection 6

Zen, I invite you to the room of mirrors. (Nothing)

Oh, um, yeah. Let’s put it like that. (Nothing)

Yeah, I think its harsh to compare appearances with you, Zen! (Zen)

Selection 7

I wanna be — most very best — (Nothing)

The one with Pickachoo!? (Nothing)

Selection 8

Great! I’ll catch Backpack Monsters by inviting him to the party. (Email)

I will decline as Ninpendo might get us because of copyright infringements. (Nothing)

Selection 9

Wow lol (Nothing)

Oh…sweet jesus…! (Zen)

My eyes are screaming out with joy! (Nothing)

Selection 10

Welcome! (Nothing)

Jaehee, our professional Zen-critic, can you please explain to us what kind of performance it was? (Jaehee)

Selection 11

I want to see that performance — (Nothing)

And like this, the number of photos in my folder increase one by one… (Jaehee)

Selection 12

AI role…? It must have been easy for an AI to play an AI role. (Ray)

Jaehee, your Zen-intelligence is really awesome. (Jaehee)

Selection 13

Truth is, I think I prefer V than Zen. (V)

Skin conditions are always better when you’re young… (Nothing)

Jaehee, have a glass of cold coffee right now before you run wild. (Jaehee)

Selection 14

t’s a meeting with V’s acquaintance, right? (V)

I want to know whom he’s having the meeting with — (Nothing)

Selection 15

It’s my father-in-law ^^ (Nothing)

V’s dad…I wonder what kind of person he is. (Nothing)

Selection 16

Silver spoon family class… (Nothing)

He would have received some hardcore education. (Nothing)

Selection 17

I like V’s humble attitude. (V)

They have few things in common, but they’re also different — (Nothing)

Selection 18

A visual world of their own… (Nothing)

I think they pair well together ^^ (V)

I think their relationship is… too glorified. (Nothing)

Selection 19

You do know that beer isn’t part of brunch, right? (Nothing)

Enjoy your meal— (Nothing)

Selection 20

Are you worried? (Nothing)

Does V know about this? (V)

Selection 21

You have one…called being a fan-girl. It’s your boyfriend and friend. (V)

It kind of bothers me that there’s a secret V keeps even form his friend. (Ray)

I want to be friends with V too. (V)

Selection 22

Bye— (Nothing)

Jaehee, have a great day today! (Jaehee)

12:22 My Best Friend. Selection 1

I did— (Nothing)

Not yet. (Nothing)

Selection 2

No…humans betray someday. (Nothing)

Of course! Friends are really dear. (Nothing)

Selection 3

Aren’t you working indoors all the time? (Nothing)

You’re friends with flowers ^^ (Ray)

Selection 4

Lisianthus. (Nothing)

I like lily-of-the-valley! (Nothing)

What’s the flower language of daffodils? (Nothing)

What’s the flower language of blue roses? (Nothing)

Selection 5

Um…I think I feel more close with the friends inside the game. (V)

You can! Thought more time would be needed. (Ray)

Selection 6

I’m jealous… (Ray)

Who is it? (Nothing)

Selection 7

Um, I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it… (Nothing)

I don’t think you’re obsessed with me. I’m just glad that you seem to care for me a lot! (Ray)

I don’t feel it at all…I wish you’d be obsessed with me a bit more… (Nothing)

Selection 8

The Ray, are you working for this person? (Nothing)

Who is this person? (Nothing)

Selection 9

I want to be with you…! My mind will not change. (Ray)

When the party is held…I think I would want to leave here. (Nothing)

Selection 10

Bye! (Nothing)

I want to see you today, Ray! (Ray)

14:09 Small Cute Adorable. Selection 1

Every day is crossroad lol (Nothing)

Is something wrong? (Nothing)

Oh, Savior of Justice!! Has a villain appeared? (Nothing)

Selection 2

You’re a person receiving a salary. (Nothing)

What’s your real job? (Nothing)

Selection 3

I secured your portrait of the deceased. Thanks. (Nothing)

What a dangerous mission…I wonder if you can return safely…? (707)

Selection 4

Condolences to Jaehee’s eyes… (Jaehee)

I understand her. She must’ve been surprised to learn that your mission is a dangerous one… (Nothing)

Selection 5

Will a nude photo be next? (Nothing)

I think I’m already used to it now—^^ Hahaha. (Nothing)

I pray for your successful mission. (Nothing)

Selection 6

I’m curious of the next theme. (Nothing)

Do I need to feed the fairy with compliments? (707)

Such delicate plot…This messenger is truly awesome. (Ray)

Selection 7

Is 3 days enough? Won’t you need a week? (Nothing)

3 days…? (Nothing)

Selection 8

Got it. (Nothing)

…Let me hear it out first. (Nothing)

Selection 9

Oh! Compliment from the bottom of Jaehee’s heart! (Nothing)

I was about to recommend the first one!! (707)

Jaehee…you want to get out of this fast, right? (Jaehee)

Selection 10

Seven! Sell your car to me! (Nothing)

Cars are dreams! Don’t sell it! (Nothing)

Selection 11

Maybe it’s duty-free business? lol (Nothing)

Since it’s largely influencing the national economy…I think it’ll be larger that what we imagine… (Nothing)

Selection 12

Okay…Good bye. (Nothing)

It’s inevitable because of its size difference. (Nothing)

Selection 13

What is it…? (Nothing)

Selection 14

Not really. (Nothing)

I pay a decent amount earnestly. Thought not as much as Jumin… (Nothing)

I’m a person with a fragile wallet that gets billed with withholding tax. (Nothing)

Selection 15

Wouldn’t V’s mother hair color have been mint? (Nothing)

The father might have dyed his hair…. (Nothing)

V might have colored his hair… TT (Nothing)

Selection 16

You’re the son of a dragon? Whatever… (Jaehee)

I wish a dragon would come to the party… (707)

Selection 17

Let’s make an equal world for everyone together! (707)

Wouldn’t it be better if we invite those who can actually attend the party? (Jaehee)

Selection 18

Whoa… (Nothing)

lololol (Nothing)

It looks like a strong name. (Nothing)

Selection 19

Okay! Let’s invite it! (Nothing)

It’s not the right time to unveil the sealing of the dragon Smug, so I therefore decline. (Nothing)

Selection 20

Can the party be really held properly? T_T (Jaehee)

Wow— (Nothing)

Selection 21

You’ve put your effort in trying to find the most ordinary person! (Nothing)

So this person has nothing to do with the pilot you first mentioned! (Jaehee)

How is that person related to you, Jaehee?;; (Nothing)

Selection 22

We’re already too ordinary, and I don’t think we need to invite this person! (707)

We cannot decline someone like that! (Jaehee)

Selection 23

Whoa…are you going to fall now? (Nothing)

What are you talking about? I’m sure you’re not really through the sky… (Nothing)

Selection 24

Sound dangerous… (Nothing)

I want to try that! (Nothing)

Selection 25

I don’t think it’s a good idea to trust all of Seven’s words. I mean, we’ve seen him playing tricks a lot… (Jaehee)

A genius! (707)

I’d expect nothing less from someone V has appointed in charge of security. (V)

Selection 26

Didn’t he invite the vampire and udon…? (Jaehee)

The party might become more interesting! (Jumin)

Selection 27

I’m worried that V might become baffled with all this. (V)

You don’t think V told those two to recommend only the weird guest to pretend to be holding a party, do you? (Ray)

No way—They both don’t look like bad people. (Nothing)

Selection 28

I’ll start my grand afternoon…! (Nothing)

I should pick up and finish up the work I was doing— (Nothing)

To rest during the evening, I must continuously work. (Nothing)

16:32 Precious Friend. Selection 1

V! Hi! (Nothing)

Hello. (Nothing)

Selection 2

I think it’ll be fun! (Nothing)

Do you think the members were serious with their recommendations? (Nothing)

Selection 3

Two friends gathered in a chatroom ^^ (Nothing)

Jumin, welcome. (Nothing)

Selection 4

What kind of person is V’s father? I wonder what his impression is like. (Nothing)

Did you exchange any secrets? (Ray)

Rich people helping each other out — what a great word they live in.

Selection 5

Is it a humiliating secret that you can’t share with me? (Nothing)

Ah, then you two should enjoy your conversation through the phone ^^ (V)

Selection 6

Fathers are said to be close but distant as well. Especially in case of a father-son relationship…! (Nothing)

V, you have a lot of secret…. What kind of secrets are you hiding from your father? (Ray)

Oh…You’ve become estranged. I’m a bit like that as well. (V)

Selection 7

It would have been better if you’ve told V before proceeding with it… (V)

I think it’ll be a good occasion to get together. (Jumin)

Can I go to that occasion? (Ray)

Selection 8

I think it was Jumin’s way of being considerate of you— (Jumin)

V…you seem very uncomfortable wit your father. (V)

Selection 9

You must have seen each other ofter since you both lived in the same neighborhood— (V)

Feels like your business will be a big hit! (Jumin)

Do you have any stories…like secrets regarding V? (Ray)

Selection 10

I want to hear memories of you two ^^ (Nothing)

Church…?! I don’t think that type of religion can heal people. (Ray)

Impressive; (Nothing)

Selection 11

Cute - !! (V)

Who sang better? (Nothing)

Selection 12

So, who won? (Nothing)

I think V would have won… (V)

Selection 13

Yes…sometimes an emotional decision can worse the situation. (Ray)

Please don’t say that, V. It’s not your fault. (V)

Selection 14

It’s going to get better little by little, V. (V)

Don’t you think this sadness isn’t something you can overcome? (Ray)

Selection 15

V…don’t fall into too much despair, and try to cheer up! (V)

Bye. (Nothing)

Selection 16

I think Rika was more unfortunate. (Ray)

Thought he looks very cool on the outside…I think he’s having a hard time. (Nothing)

He wouldn’t think me as a replacement of Rika, would he?

Is there anything I can do for V? (V)

Selection 18

I’m going to take a break now! Take care! (Nothing)

I’m going to think of V… Bye. (V)

18:24 Explosion of Emotions. Selection 1

Yes, I did. (Nothing)

Umm… I did see it, though I didn’t understand quite well. (Nothing)

Selection 2

Please calm down… (Nothing)

Doesn’t it feel like everyone is hiding something? (Ray)

Yoosung, you must be in pain… (Yoosung)

Selection 3

Hello — (Nothing)

Welcome, Zen the Gorgeous — (Nothing)

Selection 4

We were talking about Jumin. (Yoosung)

Yoosung is currently exploding with emotions. (Zen)

Selection 5

You should be nice to your relatives. (Nothing)

Aunt and uncle? (Nothing)

Selection 6

Whoa…isn’t that harsh? It was their daughter’s funeral… (Yoosung)

Don’t you think Rika’s family affected her in a bad way? (V)

Selection 7

There seems be a lot of drama… (Nothing)

Rika was adopted? (Nothing)

Selection 8

I didn’t know since Rika had a bright image… (Nothing)

They’re a family. Didn’t they keep contact with Rika? (Nothing)

Selection 9

It’s not easy to trust someone with secrets. (Nothing)

I think V’s trying hard too. Why don’t you leave him alone for a bit…? (V)

Selection 10

Lololol (Yoosung)

I think having someone next to you would help ^^; (Zen)

Selection 11

Yup. It is a heal-all-potion, the panacea. (Zen)

I don’t think that’s something…Yoosung needs. (Yoosung)

Selection 12

Zen said that to help you…but you just shake it off… (Nothing)

Don’t treat Yoosung like a child. He’s an adult. (Nothing)

Selection 13

I don’t think it’s a good idea to enforce your method. (Nothing)

Zen…it might reach him later on. (Zen)

Selection 14

I wonder what V’s thinking… (V)

Everyone might become more light-hearted when everyone reveals the truth! (Ray)

I’m glad that at least you’re acting more positively. (Zen)

Selection 15

His way of grieving might be out of this world! (707)

Seven maybe has a heart made of steel? (Nothing)

Selection 16

Riding your motorcycle? Through the wind- (Nothing)

If you ride the motorcycle, V will get worried. (V)

You can ride through the wind with a VR game. (Nothing)

Selection 17

I hope you’re not taking your motorcycle for a trip around your neighborhood! (Nothing)

Zen, you’ll look gorgeous even when after sweating. (Zen)

20:11 Reason Behind the Curiosity. Selection 1

You’re on you way here? Wow… (Ray)

Why does the background look different whenever you log in? (Nothing)

Selection 2

I was about to have dinner — (Nothing)

I’m not in my room yet… (Nothing)

I was reading. Doing this and that… (Nothing)

Bzzzz! Wrong, you’ve got them all wrong! (Nothing)

You’ve got a few right ^^ (Nothing)

Selection 3

How much do you like me? (Ray)

Um…don’t we need time to learn about each other? (Nothing)

Selection 4

I feel…a tad suffocated. (Ray)

I actually feel good. (Ray)

Selection 5

It was more fun today as well. V turned a bit more active. (V)

I acted naturally, not trying to pry out secrets. The AIs felt really natural… (Nothing)

Selection 6

Yes! (Nothing)

Give me a second… (Nothing)

VNM — Selection 1

Aren’t you busy?

I’ve been waiting for you! It’s great to see you.

Selection 2

You talked about a garden.

You said you needed caffeine.

Selection 3

I want to go to that garden fast.

I’m not an idiot—

Selection 4

They’re beautiful…!

It’s a little chilly.

Selection 5

But…just what is this place?

Just what do you do here, Ray? Why are you so busy?

When will this game end?

I want to finish it quickly and go home.

No, I’d like to try it some more.

Selection 6

Let’s walk for few more minutes. I want to talk to you some more.

Already? I don’t want to go back. I feel trapped in there…

I want to go back and rest!

21:49 Power of the Coordinator. Selection 1

Cleaning Fairy! Have you completed all you chores? (707)

Hi-ho. (Nothing)

Selection 2

Yes. I went for a walk in the gardens. It was great. (Ray)

Yes, it was great talking to V and all. (V)

Selection 3

Yes! (Nothing)

I don’t know… (Nothing)

Selection 4

This time is an insurance scam? (Nothing)

When can I receive reimbursement? (Nothing)

Heartwarming… (Nothing)

Selection 5

Yes ^^ (V)

I’m holding my phone right now. (707)

Selection 6

I’m embarrassed ^^ (Nothing)

What else did you fin out apart from that? (Nothing)

Wow! I’m so glad! (Nothing)

Selection 7

And what other kinds of information did you find out? (Nothing)

You really didn’t come in very ofter before lol (Nothing)

Wow…! (Nothing)

Selection 8

A tad later, please. (Nothing)

Sure — (Nothing)

Selection 9

Feels great that he’s looking out for me! (V)

I don’t know…perhaps he’s not sincere about it. (Ray)

Selection 10

Can I change the channel? (Nothing)

V said not to advertise. (V)

Let’s hear it out first. (Nothing)

Selection 11

Done with the advertisement? (Nothing)

I want to buy one for V. (V)

Where did the insurance ad go? (Nothing)

Yes, I’ll order one box, please….there’s someone here who needs it… (Nothing)

Selection 12

Good luck with your convenience store thing! (707)

Bye, Mr.Advertiser. (Nothing)

23:07 Another Level of Salvation. Selection 1

Hello, Jaehee! You’re up late! (Nothing)

Jaehee you sould have some of Sevenstar Drink…! (707)

Selection 2

I believe Seven will be able to avoid them without a problem. (707)

Troubled times, these times… (Jaehee)

Selection 3

I have a bad feeling about this… (Nothing)

Why don’t you go to a shaman? Or hide an exorcist… (Nothing)

Selection 4

Yes…I hope they stop before they create more victims. (V)

Um…maybe it could actually save someone…that’s probably why deeply religious people look very happy. (Ray)

Selection 5

Yoosung, what have you been up to? (Nothing)

Welcome — (Nothing)

Selection 6

Was it effective? (Ray)

No…we must stop him!!! (V)

Selection 7

Did you fall into the world of gaming? (Yoosung)

Are you ordering Sevenstar Drink!? (707)

Selection 8

Seems like a sign. (Nothing)

Isn’t that a virus…! (Nothing)

Selection 9

Sniff…I smell something…the smell of spaceship burning… (707)

Weren’t there any hidden information?

Sob… (Nothing)

Selection 10

Star binge-gaming from now on. (Yoosung)

I’m thankful that he’s become brighter…. (Jaehee)

Selection 11

I believe it’s a problem you eventually have to return to and solve… (V)

Go back to the game. (Yoosung)

Selection 12

Sounds like good words, but it’s always better to do and adequate amount of good deed. (Nothing)

She’s right! (Nothing)

Selection 13

I can see how dangerous it is just by hearing it; (V)

It may be happiness to those that want to be saved by force… (Ray)

Selection 14

Why don’t we, the RFA, inherit and continue that!? (Yoosung)

Yes…but we won’t be able to do as much as before. (Ray)

It might not be fancy like salvation, but I will do my best. (V)

Selection 15

Yoosung, it might be time for you to look for professional help. (Nothing)

Eating might help you ease that stress. (Nothing)

Selection 16

I’m a bit suspicious lol (Nothing)

Whoa, interesting! (Nothing)

Selection 17

He looks too fishy. I’ll decline. (Nothing)

Let’s invite him! I wonder what his next costume will be after the leopard. (Email)

Selection 18

Yoosung, you’re leaving in a speed of light. (Nothing)

Vent out your stress by gaming! (Nothing)

Selection 19

He needs a true salvation… (Ray)

I think he just needs a way to vent out like that for now. (Jaehee)

Selection 20

If you fin it, please tell me as well!! (V)

I think I should get rest too. (Nothing)

#mysme v #mystic messenger #mysme another story #mysme #V route

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chpinthestacks · 7 years

Text

In The Stacks with Su Hwang: Muses

Poet Su Hwang was awarded a 2017 In The Stacks residency at Dickinson House, a space for writers and artists in East Flanders, Belgium. Over the next several weeks, she’ll share stories and photos from her time in residence. This is her fourth dispatch from Dickinson House.

Every creative friend who’s been at a residency over the years has said that group chemistry can make or break a residency experience, even with all the fixings and prestige up the wazoo. It’s essentially online dating for artists and writers to form fruitful communities, but what are the chances/algorithm of a perfect match? This means some group dynamics can be pretty awful––from annoying to awkward to atomic. Some can leave you feeling absolutely nothing, nada, and sometimes, that’s even worse. Then there’s the fairy tale, the stuff of fiction: something that can take your breath away. With larger residencies, you can sidestep cliquey baloney by disappearing into a work-wormhole or letting your introvert flag fly really high (both tactics at my disposal), but at Dickinson House or other intimate, personal residencies with only three of you or less, it’s really luck of the draw, or rather, flip of a Flemish coin. And because of these odds, I’m grateful for the serendipitous outcome of having Asiya and Arra share this amazing experience with me. It was truly poet-love at first sight.

It’s like we read each other’s minds from the moment we first arrived in East Flanders. Conversation was easy and natural––unpacking could wait. That said, we immediately respected each other’s need for solitude to think, rest, and get our work done during the day (in whatever capacity) yet each night we lingered after dinner over a bottle of wine to chat about the poetry of H.D. or Edna St. Vincent Millay with Eireann, the wonders and perils of love, or the state of our messed up world. We took bike rides to nearby villages for supplies which also included detours for cold Belgian brews, or a daytrip to the delightful city of Ghent where they were such great sports about letting me make them stand in front of random doorways and pose for pictures, etc., etc. These are independent, passionate, driven women we’re talking about!

Asiya’s debut collection

crosslight for youngbird

will be published by Nightboat Press early next year. Originally from Washington DC, she is currently based in Brooklyn, NY but also has roots in the Bay Area. A Stanford and UC Berkeley grad with a Masters in Urban Planning, Asiya came to poetry “late” like me, but has bloomed like nothing/no one else. She received a prestigious grant from the Lower Manhattan Cultural Council and is one of a select few writers awarded a studio on Governor’s Island this year. She has always been a voracious reader and is one of those naturally gifted people in whatever she puts her mind to, having traveled to Europe and Africa for past humanitarian projects, and is you know, training for some big race, among a million other worthwhile things. And of course, she happens to be the raddest, sweetest, coolest human on earth. She is currently writing about bodies of water as metaphor for the heartbreaking refugee crisis gripping Europe, Africa, and the Middle East, and is hoping to work with a forensic scientist based in Milan who is attempting to identify the remains of those found in the water. Asiya’s sparkling mind and generous spirit struck me right away, and the more time I spent with her, the more in awe I became. She is a fearless, spectacular poet, and there isn’t anything Asiya can’t master.

Arra’s beautiful first book Seedlip and Sweet Apple was published by Milkweed Editions, which involved extensive research and gorgeous leaps of the imagination. I’ve come to really admire her precision of language and powerful images. Arra is currently juggling several ambitious projects while she balances teaching a full load of creative writing classes at Saginaw Valley State University in central Michigan. She organizes the Voices in the Valley Reading Series (that has brought writers like Poet Laureate Tracy K. Smith), and tends to her fixer upper home and gardens with her husband, nine-year-old son, a new puppy named Warrior and two cats. Arra, who has a PhD from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, is a Minnesota native and still has familial ties to my adopted home state. A bit shy at the outset, it didn’t take long for Arra to come out of her shell, and oh what an inner life! Her compassion with her stark honesty about herself and the world around her is something I value and respect so much. Not only that, she is truly a gifted poet. While at Dickinson House, she completed her longstanding project in which she studied the very specific and complex form in John Berryman’s seminal long poem, “Homage to Mistress Bradstreet.” This project about the very real highs and very real lows of motherhood ends with 99 eight-line stanzas (that’s 792 lines, and Berryman only got to 59!). Simply mind-blowing!

I can write a novel about Asiya and Arra, but I’m bound to a certain word count here, so I’ll just add links to their fellowship proposals for Dickinson house and you can find out more about how awesome they are! We came hungry for adventure, openness, time to work on our writing, and fun! We left with meaningful friendships. Asiya Wadud and Arra Lynn Ross––remember these names––I’ll never forget them. (I hope to have them come to the Twin Cities in the fall for a reading/panel discussion, stay tuned!)

http://dickinsonhouse.be/possibility/meet-our-2017-fellows-asiya-wadud/

http://dickinsonhouse.be/possibility/meet-our-2017-fellows-arra-lynn-ross/

Su Hwang received her MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Minnesota in May 2016 and was a 2016-17 recipient of the Loft Literary Center’s Minnesota Emerging Writer Grant. Born in Seoul, South Korea, she grew up in New York then moved to San Francisco before transplanting to the Twin Cities. Her poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Ninth Letter, Drunken Boat, Tinderbox Poetry Journal, Prairie Gold: An Anthology of the American Heartland, and Poets.org.

#su hwang #chpinthestacks #Dickinson House #belgium #Library Residency Program #artist residency

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redinkofshame · 7 years

Note

FOR U HAVE TO FIX WAT U DID: “Stop asking me to put out the inferno that you lit inside of me.”

Alright, so, some context on this for everyone: last night, as I’m in bed, @tel-abelas-mofo here messages me to ask if I’m going to bed soon. I ignore the fact that I’m already in bed, because I’m having a hard time sleeping anyway, though I do tell her she should be in bed. She says she wants someone to be irresponsible with, though.Well, I’m glad to oblige! I share the story I was just telling myself in my head as I tried to sleep, because I have so many AUs I know I can’t possibly write them all, so who cares about spoilers, right?

Edit: This is a 1950s AU.But, normally, I’m a happy ending girl. This fic? It’s an exception. A painful, painful exception. And it takes me until 3am to freaking tell it, bc mobile, so we’re both just crying in the middle of the gd night when we could have been sleeping and happy instead.. So this prompt is a fix-it fic for the fic that hurt us. The one that doesn’t exist outside my head and only two people know about. A fix-it fic for my own damn unwritten fic.Enjoy. @dadrunkwriting

He clung to her in thedoorway, desperate, pleading. His hands framed her face, an inch in front ofhis own. Her eyes were bright, shining with tears that feel freely in a facelined with exhaustion and grief; he knew he looked just the same. Her handsgripped his wrists, holding on but holding back. He swears he can feel herwedding band digging into him. The matching band is worn by another.

“Please,” he wasbegging her. “There must be something I can say, some promise I can make, tohave you choose me over him. I will do anything for you, ma vhenan, I swear it.”

But she shakes herhead, again and again. Her voice is thick, raspy, broken. “I chose him before Iever met you, my love. You were thechoice I should never have made.”

It is unfair. He neverhad a chance; if he had known her back then…

“Please, don’t do this, if only—” he begins, but she denies himagain.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.In another world—”

“Why not this one?” heinsists.

Her only answer was tokiss him. It is their final kiss, and it is an awful thing, sloppy and shakyand breathless and wet with tears.

“I’ll never forgetyou,” she promises.

He can’t let her go,he won’t, but she pulls his hands slowlyoff of her and darts out the door. He watches, numb, as she pulls her collar upagainst the chill for the walk home, as she sobs into a handkerchief, and soonshe is around the bend, out of sight, out of his life. He imagines he can stillhear the click of her heels over the sound of the rain, the sound of his worldbeing lost, of his heart being ripped away from him.

“Allergies, again, Mr. Solas?”

Wynne’s kind voice broke him out of his memories, and henodded to the librarian working under him.

“It hardly seems to matter what time of year it is,” he liedeasily. He sniffed as he pulled out his handkerchief, and it is only half forshow. He dabbed at his running eyes by rote, and old familiar habit by now.

Everything he does is by rote, it seems. The last severalyears he has lived only out of habit. He goes through the paces, vaguelypursuing ambitions he could recall having when he was a younger man. When hehad heart. Now, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to care where his life ledhim.

“Oh, is that the latest ‘In Another World’?” Wynne asked.

A proud smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, despitehimself. “Yes,” he answered, running a thumb over her name on the cover: JANEA. LAVELLAN

She’d done it, had finally pursued publication on her own.Soon after they’d parted, it seemed. She’d been prolific ever since, publishingtwo or more novels a year, and gaining a very large readership.

He couldn’t help but notice that she published under hermaiden name.

“Did you read the acknowledgments at the end?” Wynne asked.

His brows knit together. “No, I’ve only just finished thefinal chapter.” It was what set off his remembrance. “Why?”

Not that he needed reason to read the notes that Jane leftat the end of her novels—her About the Author section was sacrosanct, holdingshared glimpses of her life, stories of her twins entering high school or her family’sstruggles with their new dog. Teasing hints of what it would be like to stillknow her.

“I haven’t read it yet, I’m still several book behind in theseries” Wynne was explaining, “but I hear it’s quite scandalous in this one.”

Distracted, Solas made some automatic response, a nod, maybea smile. He disappeared into the back room of the library, his office, to readin private.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

As many of you know, Ilike to express my gratitude for those who help me turn my silly ideas intopaper and ink. From my editor at Tethras Publishers, to the research librarianswho spend hours explaining why I’m wrong, to my readers who make it allworthwhile: Thank you. Your dedication makes this happen.

But there is onereader in particular whom I’ve neglected. At least, I dearly hope he is one ofmy readers.

Because, you see,every book I finished has been for him. He is my Muse; every love story I’ve writtenhas been with the hope that someday he might read the words, and he would knowhow I wished our story had ended.

The memory of himfuels me, as though adding logs to an endless bonfire. I write, hoping eachsentence will help to douse the flames, that I might get some rest andreprieve. I am tired, yet I write, breathing the emotions his memory still fansinto me into my characters in turn.

I think that,somewhere out there, he must wish for my happiness. His memory haunts me, tellsme to accept the bed that I have made, to move on.

To his ghost, I say:Stop asking me to put out the inferno that you lit inside me. This is no bed inwhich I lay, but a pyre, and it will surely consume me.

That ours was not ahappy end was my doing. I alone made the choice to break both our hearts.

But oh, my Muse, I waswrong. I allowed my head to make a choice that belonged to my heart.

I know not whetherthis plea will ever reach you, or only ashes. Are you out there? Have youforgiven me?

Most likely I willhear nothing in response to this call. Perhaps you will reply with a kindletter, and a photograph of your happy family. Would I be strong enough to behappy for you, I wonder?

I’ve looked for youand found only cinders, and I cannot bear it a moment more, because if there iseven the smallest flicker of a chance that I would not have to wait for anotherworld to see you again… I would tell younow what I should have told you so many years before:

Youare my choice.

~~~~~

Solas was beside himself, frantic, terrified of the painfulhope the burned in his chest until he choked. It couldn’t be real, not afterall this time. Is it possible she meant another, one who came after him?

His fears tormented him as he called the switchboard operator,the publisher, and every second on hold was a torture.

Finally his call connected, and he explained inelegantly thathe was calling about the note in Lavellan’s latest novel, that he needed tocontact her. The man, Varric, asked for his name to make sure it was actuallyhim and not a hoax. Solas gave it feely, but he was scared of the man’sresponse. What if that somehow wasn’t the name they were looking for?

“You’re Solas? No shit?” Solas winced as the man laughedloudly into the receiver. “You’ve made me a wealthy man, Solas! I have a lot ofbets to call in; I knew it was a long shot, but I just couldn’t bet against ourgirl Jane.

“Now, some day you’ll have to tell me how you got anadvanced copy of that book—it’s not set to hit the shelves for a few days yet—butfirst answer me this: What are you intentions with Jane?”

“I… Excuse me?”

Varric’s voice became serious, almost threatening. “Look,the woman has been through a lot. I told her that I’d help you contact her nomatter what, but—well, that was a lie. You see, I consider the woman to be afriend of mine, and she doesn’t need any more hardship. So if you’re alreadymarried, or planning to hurt her, or looking for a woman to mooch off of—”

“No! I assure you, I…”

“You what?”

What could he say? This was unexpected, sudden, he had noway of knowing what Jane truly wanted from him.

“I chose her long ago. I would give her only what she wouldhave of me.”

Varric chuckled. “Ican work with that. Are you ready? Grab a pen. I can’t give you her address–security reasons you understand–but I can tell you what her phone number is.”He told Solas the information to reach Jane’s phone, but then added, “Though,you won’t be able to reach her this time of day.”

“Oh, alright. Do you know what time—”

“Yep, this time of day she’s busy working. She has a dayjob, after all.”

“Right, I—”

“She’s a librarian. In fact, I think you know the place, don’tyou? I believe you used to work there. Together. At the library. And, since youcan’t call…”

A breath escaped Solas, a small, broken laugh. “Yes, I thinkI understand you, Mr. Tethras. It’s a long drive… Will you tell her?”

“Now, where’s the fun in that? It’s a much better story thisway. Good luck, Chuckles.”

“I thank you, Mr. Tethras.”

~~~~~

Solas had been right—it was a long drive. Plenty long enoughto think and re-think, to worry, to wonder. This was foolish, he should havecalled. This all seemed so surreal; he’d gone mad, surely, this couldn’t betrue. Oh, but to see her again was worth the risk…

It had been early morning when he left his own library in arush, but he managed to get to hers before closing, every mile closer to hertown, to familiar sights, weighing heavy and anxious in his gut. The parkinglot was empty. He got out of his car, and only then thought to worry about howhe must look.

Hopefully not haggard, after spending the day speeding downthe highway. Older than when she’d seen him last, of course. His suit was in some disrepair; he’d let many things go unheeded in his time alone.

None of that mattered. He entered Skyhold Library. Herlibrary, once his, once where they worked together.

His eyes were drawn to her shape immediately. She wastowards the back, picking up a stack of books.

She looked up, saw him standing, but he couldn’t tell if sheknew him. He slowly removed his hat, out of habit.

She set the books back down.

“Solas?” Her voice was timid, but the library was empty,silent, and he heard her perfectly. His feet suddenly remembered their purpose,rushing forward with large steps as she said, “Oh damn that Varric, he couldhave warned me. I…”

Her voice choked up as tears formed in her eyes, herbeautiful eyes, and she took a few tentative steps towards him, but he wasalready to her. He was uncertain where to stop, but she reached for him, restingher hand along his face as if to check that he was really there.

He tried to say her name, but no noise came from him. Hecovered her hand with his, gripping her tight, and she felt real, so real.Their faces only a tense breath apart, he ran his thumb over her knuckles, andcouldn’t help but notice that she wore no ring. They stared at each other, eachquestioning silently, as his other hand skimmed her wet cheek. He wondered, onlyvaguely, when he had dropped his hat.

To the Void with words.

His hand wrapped behind her neck as he kissed her, hisheart, his lost love. She melted into him instantly, wrapping her arm aroundhim as he tried not to devour her, but he couldn’t help but be intense, ragged,as she easily bent backwards over his arm.

When, breathless, he allowed them space to breath, tried toremember that he was a gentlemen, her hands still pulled him to her. “Oh, mymuse… You saw it, then. My letter. Do you forgive me? You would allow me tochange my mind?”

“Ma vhenan… My heart made its choice long ago. It has beenyou, always you, every day that we were together, every day that we’ve beenapart.” He smiled, shakily. “I have had no choice in the matter. It is not asubject for debate.”

She laughed, and he wipes away the tears that spilled fromher eyes. “I’m yours, Solas. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it much, much sooner.”

“That would have been preferable, I admit.”

She laughed, pushing against him playfully. He made up forthe jest by kissing her again, softly this time, treasuring the feel of her.

When her eyes flickered open again, she said, “We have a lotof catching up to do.”

#this is so long #this is all i've done today #i woke up still sad #and sat to write #but writing is hard #and this long damn thing represents my entire day #uuhh what to name this #solas #solavellan #jane a lavellan #apparently #she's named after jane austen #because i needed a name #another 50s au #prompted #dwc #tel-abelas-mofo

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