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#i tried my best to word it properly and it's not like im not anxious overall
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aaron warner x ferrars! reader pt. 3
when omega point falls, you find yourself in need of the supreme commander's son, and discover unresolved feelings along the way.
(taken place during ignite me & hc continuation from part two)
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that is literally me in this gif y'all🖤🖤
a/n: hello!! finally back with part 3. i'm sorry for the wait, i wanted to do other requests, but tbh i might focus on this little series so that way it's complete and everyone can read it all together. also idk why i even label it hcs anymore LMAOO like i feel it's progressed to a fic atp, but i'm too stubborn to change my format and titles, so humor me LOL. (maybe i'll turn this into a legit fic when i finish, who knows) pls do not kill me for not including every detail, i tried to highlight the best parts as much as i could. also might seem all sunshine rainbows rn with relationships, but just wait for the next book… 🤞 extra info: kinda change adam's character cus i feel like he was an extra ass at times for no reason in the book?? like trying to kill kenji for no reason?? small redemption arc. kinda slight change to juliette. also, i love making reader, juliette, and kenji a lil trio.
word count: 10.7k (im insane)
warnings: mentions of fights, blood, injuries, and death. use of military time (reader so me fr bc it took me so long to understand that shit), suggestive and matureish content.
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the first thing on your mind, when you woke up, is that you had to be dead. if you opened your eyes, you would see the golden gates of heaven or the fiery pit of hell. based on how you lived your short life: you were thinking hell.
you realized you were alive and mostly well from the horrible aching from your body, the bandages wrapped around your chest, and the fact your current surrounding was a bedroom.
"hey, amor, take it easy." a voice said as you attempted to sit up.
by your side was aaron warner, sitting down on a stool next to the bed you laid on. he, uncharacteristically, looked disheveled, his clothes messy, and his eyes anxious.
your panic arose as you remembered events - fighting against the reestablishment, then getting caught, and then being shot in the chest by anderson. and then you recognized the room; it was aaron's bedroom - back at the base.
aaron notices your alarm and grabs your hands to calm you down. "it's alright you're safe here, i'm not gonna hurt you."
it may have been an idiotic move, but you believed his words.
"why are we here?"
"i had no choice. everyone believes your dead, and the base is the best place to keep you hidden."
"i don't understand...i'm not a medic by any means, but shouldn't i be dead?"
"you have sara and sonya to thank for that. they were able to save your heart from stopping before being dragged away by my father. then, i was able to take their energy as my own and heal the rest of you."
you were thankful for his aid in your life being saved, but you were too focused on many other worries to properly thank him. like the state of your friends.
you try your hand at getting up, trying to ignore the dizziness that comes with it. aaron holds you steady to stop you from falling.
aaron protests, "you need to res-" but you interrupt, "i need to go. i-i have to find everyone and help them."
"you can't."
you stop your movement and turn to aaron, "what do you mean? i know i'm in horrible shape, but i have to see juliette and everyone else could be in troubl-"
"it's over."
your face scrunches up in confusion, "what?"
aaron's silent for a few movements; you can't breathe. he looks down, his grip on you tightening, "they're dead. all of them."
you look at him in horror, your mouth open, but no words are released. your knees give out, and Aaron carries your full weight in his arms.
he slowly brings you both down to the ground next to the bed, still holding onto you. "i'm sorry, please believe me when i say that. if there was a way to spare you of this pain i would do it in a heartbeat."
you feel like a shell of yourself, you have no reaction, just an emotionless look on your face.
"what happened?" you say in a monotone voice.
"amor, i think you need to lay down or shower, then eat some-"
"what happened," you repeat with a harsher voice.
"they... overtook your friends, some were taken to be tortured, but most were.. shot dead."
"and omega point?"
"....destroyed. they got the coordinates and bombed the entire foundation."
you feel disconnected from reality; nothing feels real. everything is numb; you can't find it in yourself to let out any sort of emotion.
"so juliette, kenji, adam, james..."
aaron didn't need to answer for you to know. they're gone.
the first thing you did was laugh like a lunatic, aaron likely looked at you like you were mad. then finally, the tears came.
you yelled at aaron to get out, even though it was his room. in hysteria, you started levitating things and throwing them at him until he exited the room.
you don't know how long you spent sobbing on the floor next to the bed. you weren't even sure if you were going to stop.
your voice was sore from the number of times you wailed apologies to juliette for being a bad sister and for not being there to protect your friends.
when the tears finished, you reached denial. you knew your friends - there was no way they were dead. juliette was stronger than you, physically and sometimes mentally, so if you could survive a bullet to the chest, your sister could be alive.
when aaron comes back hours later to check on you, he didn't expect to see you walking around in new attire, packing clothes and items into a bag.
"what are you doing?"
"i have to go back."
aaron was taken aback by your statement, but you claimed there was a possibility there were people who survived. he countered saying he'd seen the damage and it wasn't likely. you didn't listen to him and continued preparing.
"this is unhealthy and possibly delusional thinking."
"well, then put me back in the asylum if i'm wrong. i'm going if you let me or not."
he sighs, and then gives in, not before insisting he comes along with you. now you were the one taken aback. was he actually offering to help you?
"why do you seem surprised? it's not as if i haven't made my care for you quite clear."
"no offense, but you're the most confusing man ever. i want to trust you, i've seen your good-natured side. you even claim to.. love me. but you work for the reestablishment, but then claim to be on my side. don't forget the fact you tried to turn juliette and i into weapons for the reestablishment, held us, hostage, at your base, and put us into a torture chamber. not exactly behavior that screams i want to help you."
at this he laughs then laughs harder and you get annoyed, not knowing what was funny. you were ready to kick him out again until he finally stooped.
"i suppose i owe you a long overdue explanation."
nothing prepared you for his next words. aaron began to retell the events from his perspective. starting with his true intentions of bringing you and juliette from the asylum - to study the both of you.
aaron explained his mother's condition, being unable to be touched - a reverse juliette basically. he sought out her at first, then discovered your existence and became intrigued more.
he invented the guise of using you both for weapons as a way for his father to agree to invest in you both.
as anderson mentioned before, juliette was of special interest because of her ability, and yours wasn't as impressive to him at the time. aaron had to convince the commander that your mind reading ability would be great for spy purposes.
once he brought the two of you to the base, he was ready to face 2 vicious and demented sisters, but it was literally the opposite of that. instead he got stuck with two stubborn and immature, you were offended at that, teenage girls.
"juliette was more of the hard-headed one, you mostly just followed along, i figured that out after the dinner and dress stunt. however, i can't say feeding you myself wasn't pleasurable for myself."
aaron saw your fear of your own ability and had intentions to help you and juliette, in his own way.
his tried various ways to unlock your potential - with juliette he tried anger and bullying and with you he knew you couldn't suppress hearing thoughts, so he figured spending time with you was the best option. but he came to understand how much he loved being around you.
"i was so addicted to being around you, i got sidetracked. but then my worry grew when you both showed no progress on enhancing your ability, so as a last resort, i arranged an experiment."
to your surprise, he revealed it was actually a simulation which was a major relief to you that no one was actually harmed by your powers, well, no one besides warner. but he partly deserved it for putting you through that.
although you were mad he implanted that fear into you, you had to admit. it did work.
"so, instead of finding some way to inform me earlier of all this, you make my sister and i think of you as some supervillain who wanted control of our autonomy." you grab the nearest pillow and launch it at him. "you're an idiot! we were scared out of our minds! juliette and i's last conversation was a fight over that! do you know much much time you could- are you seriously smiling?"
"god, i love it when you yell at me."
now that the ait was clear, you were able to put more of your faith into aaron and his intentions. and not feel bad about kissing him.
the two of you worked together on a plan to get you back to what was left of omega point.
you met an older gentleman by the name of delalieu. he was very sweet, but it got a little vexing every time he jumped to warner's defense whenever you made a remark; even ones said in levity. 
a few days later, when aaron deemed it safer, you both set off to leave. although you had the misfortune of having to be stuffed into a cart to avoid being spotted. at least it was better than the body bag you were transported in the first time.
the two of you transported to what was left of omega point in a tank. aaron notably was able to drive to the location with ease. you grew suspicious because one - he told his father he didn't know how to get there and two - he was unconscious the whole time you, juliette, kenji, and adam drove there. you decide to question him on the matter.
"i wasn't completely unconscious on the trip there. i was very conscious when you were touching my hair and tracing my features."
"i knew it! you little faker, you intentionally pushed yourself onto me didn't you!"
when you both arrived, the scene was as horrible as you imagined. - rubbles and dust everywhere and a huge gaping hole miles down. you felt sick thinking about everyone who stayed behind, including james. god, you hoped at least your friends were alright.
you were suddenly tackled to the ground by warner, and the sound of a gunshot followed after. a voice yelled out, and you immediately recognized it - kenji.
you got up instantly and ran to him, attacking him with a gigantic hug, tears brimming at your eyes.
"oh my god, i thought you were dead!"
"i thought you were dead!"
"you almost killed me right now when you shot at us like a lunatic!"
"sorry, i was aiming for warner- where'd he go?"
you change subject, "juliette? is she alright?"
kenji confirms she is alive, and you felt like you could breathe again. you needed to see her as soon as possible.
kenji started looking for warner like a madman, and you, too, were curious about his whereabouts - until he startled you by "showing" up behind you. he had turned himself invisible.
he was ready to take you both back before kenji shot him, but you declined to say you had to see juliette and anyone else that survived. aaron was reluctant but then handed you a pager, not that you knew what it was, and gave you a limit of four hours. you thought it to be ridiculous, but you compromised to ease his worries.
you and kenji ventured back to adam's house, your first time being there since you were unable to the first time around. he, heart-achingly, filled you in on the events, how they searched for you, how many were lost, and who remained. you told your side of the action, including everything with aaron.
kenji did have some judgemental comments, but you understood he was reeling from the shock of everything, especially from the details regarding aaron.
you bite your tongue when kenjii speaks ill of warner. defending him would only make you look naive, plus you couldn't deny the others had their reasoning for disliking the guy. you would end up sounding like delalieu.
"so what, you like the guy now? god, don't tell me your gullible enough to fall for it just because he's the first guy to show interest in you."
his words cut deep into you, but you don't respond and change the subject back to getting to the house. you didn't want to argue after being so happy kenji is alive. but damn did you want to give him a shove with your powers.
your spirits lifted as soon as you reached the destination. you pull kenji to the front door and urge him to open it. he knocks and confirms his identity before it's opened by winston, who was shocked to see you.
you greeted him quickly, feeling bad, but your main focus was your sister. next you see alia, castle, brendan, lily and alia. (all frozen to their spots as soon as they noticed you). when you see james you give him a tight hug, thankful for his well-being.
adam and juliette walked out of the kitchen engaged in conversation, not noticing you at first. then kenji drew their attention with a cough.
both of you were paralyzed at first; you were the first to break and jump at her with tears and an overbearing hug. she was quick to return it, then the both of you started crying in relief to see each other after thinking the other was dead.
"i'm so sorry for how we ended things, you had a right to be upset and i was a bad sister for not taking your feelings into account. "
"no, i'm the one who overreacted. i should've came with you the moment you told me you felt something was wrong."
"okay we get it elsa and anna; you're both very happy to see each other. please, no more tears."
you both pulled away, laughing softly at your dramatics. you turned and gave adam a much quicker hug, him happy to see you breathing.
with greeting out of the way, everyone's attention was turned back to you, particularly how you survived. you took a deep breath, and retold everything you told kenji, leaving out intimate details about aaron and you. everyone reacted similarly to the way kenji had.
the room then filled with different questions and thoughts, all voices one another, reminding you of listening to different people's thoughts at the same time. they all started assuming the worst in warner, and this time you did defend him - but it only made you look guilty.
the subject turned over to what was the next plan of action. castle was out of it, so he provided no help. adam was the first to protest any sort of fight, his concern for james overshadowing. juliette was on the fence about it for adam's sake, but you knew she wanted to fight against the reestablishment like everyone else, if not more. especially after all they had put the two of you through.
the conversation barely got past arguments before the front door was suddenly brought down. everyone, besides you, held up weapons to attack the intruder - you held up your hands, ready to use your power if necessary. but then you recognized the intruder quickly - aaron.
you ran over in front of him and advised everyone to stand down, but they didn't listen, they were too focused on the fact aaron had arrived.
you readied yourself to lower their weapons yourself, but then aaron made a move of his own and flung all the guns across the room with levitation.
"i was gonna do that.." you mumbled quietly to yourself.
"apologies, amor, i'll let you get them next time."
everyone else was stunned, you explained aaron's gift, but it was still a shock to see. a few banters are exchanged, but aaron, uncaring as ever, ignores them and proceeds to grab your arm so the two of you can leave. however, you stop him, not wanting to leave on bad terms.
you informed everyone that aaron was on your side, and they were understandably doubtful to believe it, but as they noticed how he acted with you, it became more believable.
you took the chance to try to persuade everyone to stand up again against the rebellion. juliette and kenji were the first to side with you, and slowly everyone followed along, adam and ian being the ones more reluctant. you could respect adam for thinking of james and juliette, and ian was just an asshole, but he was also mourning. in a turn of events, castle chimed in with his support.
aaron, not thrilled about the new members of your alliance, announced the two of you would be leaving. juliette protested, not wanting to be away from you after she just got you back.
part of you longed to lay on the comfortable bed back at the base, but you needed to stay with your team. so, you made an agreement aaron could return for you the next day.
"so i'll come back for you tomorrow? thirteen hundred hours."
"thirteen hundred hours? like from now?"
"it means one o'clock."
"... one o'clock is not thirteen hundred hours from now."
aaron was holding back a laugh, juliette was just as confused, and kenji physically facepalmed.
aaron eventually left after you reassured him you'd be fine. ian was of no help as he kept insulating it was better if you left. adam stormed off not long after, juliette following to calm him. she returned looking dejected and assumed she and adam fought. kenji suggested the three of you go out for a walk, although it was late.
during the night stroll, all three of you got emotions off your chest. kenji's feelings about the whole situation, juliette's issues with adam (they were still technically broken up) , and your turmoil with warner. kenji was somewhat holding back, but you knew he was just trying to hold up a strong facade.
as you disclosed your confusion and feelings, kenji had many questions, from disbelief, and juliette mainly just patiently listened and remained silent.
"so you like the guy, for what his personality? totally has nothing to do with his looks?
"hey, i'm not shallow! ...aaron just happens to be gifted with excellent looks."
"hearing you call him aaron is so weird. and i'm not judging you if you did. seeing adam shirtless is probably what drew juliette to him at the start."
"hey!"
the light banter made the solemn conversation easier to talk through. it was nice to be always from everything for a bit, and just act like friends.
you three returned back, kenji walked to the door first, and juliette grabbed your wrist to stop you from following him.
"i just want to talk to you alone real quick. about warner,.. or aaron, whatever you call him."
you held your breath, partly ready for her to possibly start another argument.
"i know you're confused about what you feel for him still, but i need you to know if you decide you love him - i'll support you. i don't want it to get in the way our bond. after everything that's happened... i realized there no time to waste on petty little things, especially about guys. all that should matter is we're always here for each other."
you give each other another heartfelt and tearful hug; glad kenji wasn't there to comment on how sappy and emotional it is.
"so, just between us sisters, do you think you love him?"
you laugh, and open the truth of your heart of her.
back inside, you all prepared for him or, as aaron called it a "slumber party." wasn't too far off since everyone besides james, adam, and castle slept on the ground.
your place was between kenji and juliette, each of you having your own pillow and blanket. winston and brendan bantered a bit about kicking faces before the turns finally went out.
"kenji, i know it will be incredibly hard, but keep your hands to yourself."
"you wish. you should be telling your sister that, she's basically all over me every night."
"shut up."
the next day brought a lot of drama. the day started off late, leaving little time to discuss before aaron arrived. another fight between adam and juliette set off. the issue being that aaron was coming back, which adam was completely against. he had been fine with your stay, but he wouldn't compromise for letting him return. adam gave an ultimatum, if you brought warner he would essentially kick you out.
juliette went to your defense and partly aaron's for your benefit. this only set off adam more. kenji tried his hand at intervening but only got backlash from adam, who stormed off outside after. everyone else stayed quiet, but you could tell one or two silently agreed with adam.
you didn't wanna stir any more trouble than needed, so you started preparing yourself to go, clicking the little mechanism aaron gave you a couple times to ensure it worked.
brendan, winston, castle, lily insisted you stay as well. james also gave a small plead for you to remain. juliette believed she could still talk some sense into adam.
it felt great to have their support, but at the same time, you felt bad for having to divide everyone into teams, yours or adam's. instead of building a team, you were tearing one apart.
before you knew it, the newly fixed door was again slammed open by the same intruder from the day before. aaron barged in, almost of breath and distressed. you thought something happened to him because of how disarranged he looked.
he locked his gaze on you and speedily grabbed you in his arms, cupping your face and scanning you up and down for any injuries. you were a bit embarrassed as everyone was a witness to aaron fussing over your well-being.
"did you run here?"
"of course, you beeped the pager."
you assured him you were alright and turned back to everyone with faces of incredulity.
"woah, this is... freaky." winston began.
"i worked for this guy for more than a year and never even saw him smile."
you explained to aaron that you couldn't stay at the house any longer but couldn't leave everyone else either. he offers to have them stay in the training area, but kenji declines, needing a better offer. juliette sides with kenji, the rest don't fully trust warner, so they need reassurance.
you couldn't bare the thought of leaving everyone again, so you pleaded to aaron to give in to their demands, willing to compromise whatever. you were happy and a little shocked, along with everyone else, when he accepted the terms.
"i'll return tomorrow at fourteen hundred ho-" he sees your confused face again, "2 o'clock. i really must educate you on military time, amor"
"or you could just say the time on a clock like the average person."
aaron takes your hand and guides you back to the tank to make your way back to the base before anyone notes his disappearance.
you express your gratitude for his help, and he responds by saying there's not need, he would do whatever to ease your pain. he also partly owed it to you for being so dismissive when you believed your friends were alive.
"i know they all judge you right now, and maybe they always will. but, i do believe you're a good person, and sure, you have flaws, but who doesn't - i am certainly no saint. i don't want to fix you...just want to make you see yourself in a better light like i do." your final words before falling into a slumber against the window.
you return back to the base the way you came in with delalieu's help. your both back in aaron's room, not having said a word to each other since the tank. aaron's started to ask questions about what had happened back at adam's house. you briefly told him about the drama about adam not wanting you there if you were with warner.
aaron became upset, not liking how adam treated you, and reassured you he would harm him if you wanted him to. you quickly assure him that you didn't care about it, you weren't going to beg to stay where you weren't wanted. you were mostly concerned about what it had done to whatever relationship was left between juliette and adam. she obviously loved him, but she couldn't hold herself back for him either.
you go silent at the mention of juliette, remembering your last private conversation. aaron, being able to easily feel your emotions, pick up and it and presses for information.
"it's just.. she asked me if i loved you."
aaron's breath hitches, "what was your response."
"i told her, 'love is a strong word. i'm not even sure i fully understand it. but i think...no i know. i'm falling for him.' "
aaron didn't respond, he got up and went to his office, shutting the door behind him. you weren't sure what it meant. and you didn't see him for the rest of the day.
you couldn't sleep that night; your mind was doing circles in anticipation of the group's arrival tomorrow.
you got up with the intention of solely getting a glass of water, but then heard a loud noise come from the direction aaron's office.
wanting to make sure he was okay, you walked in without notice. the door was already halfway open, so you figured it was alright.
the room was bigger than your childhood home's living room; it was filled with different seats of furniture, books, shelf, etc. aaron was at his large desk - his shirt discarded and only wearing slacks and socks.
aaron's brushes you off, telling you to go to bed, but your focus is on a small jar in his hands. you ask what it is, but he avoids answering, so you grab the object yourself. he attempts to get it from you, but you move away - deja vu to when aaron wouldn't return your journal to you. it felt nice to be on the flip side of it for once.
you read the label and understood it was a medicine. then it clicked; it was for his scars. and he was embarrassed about it. it was kind of cute.
he confirms it's for his back, so you nicely offer to do it for him since he seemed to have trouble reaching it. he was obviously self-conscious no matter how much he denied it, and you told him it didn't matter; you'd already seen them. but he kept turning his back away from you. you were getting suspicious that the scars were only part of the reason he was hiding.
you got annoyed and impulsively used your power to keep him sat and finally make his back face you. you could apologize later.
then you saw it. yes, his scars were still there, but on top of that were your wonky star doodles. the ones you drew in his cells two weeks ago in his cell at omega point.
you were confused about how they were still there, darker than you remember. the pen you used was lousy; you would know since you used it to write and the ink always smudged. the pen ink was also blue, and this was black. the skin around it was also freshly red.
"wait.. is this tattooed?"
his silence confirmed it. you were speechless. he tattooed your silly little doodles. he needed the medicine to numb the pain of the ink.
"why would you do this?"
"figured it your mark was better than the ones my dad left me."
"aaron."
"it was the first time i looked at my back and smiled."
you think your heart burst on the spot.
"god, i would've made them better if i knew you were gonna mark it."
"they're perfect." god, you were ready to melt.
you compose yourself and insist you put on the medicine since it was your tattoo design that's causing him slight pain. he didn't protest this time. you applied it in silence, then worked up the courage to ask about his scars.
aaron was very hesitant, you were ready to be shut down, but then he opened up to you. his scars being a 'birthday gift' from his father. it was heartbreaking to hear and almost brought tears to your eyes, but you knew pity was the last thing he wanted.
"when you saw them back in my cell, i waited to see that look of repulse on your face, but it never came. you observed them so carefully like they were the most interesting thing to you. then you had the gall to say it was similar to abstract art."
"well, it's true. they're not ugly, and you're certainly not repulsive. the scars are like a show of strength for everything you've been through. they're yours; only you decide what they represent. anyone who thinks differently is a total loser."
"please, stop."
"i'm sorry, did i say something wr-"
"i love you. so much that the first thing i did when returning here after escaping omega point was getting delalieu to tattoo my skin because your marks faded. i didn't even let myself wash off in fear they'd disappear before i got a chance to preserve them. i couldn't wipe the smile off my face whenever i looked at it through a mirror. it always reminded me of you. our moments. our last kiss. i burn for you greatly, and you don't even realize it."
"aaron..."
"don't."
"you know how i feel. but i'm still figuring it out, this is all new to me, and i want to get to know you better-"
"please. just go." and you did.
the following day, right on schedule, aaron goes to pick up the group while you stay behind waiting in the training facility that he briefly gave you a tour of.
the group arrived, and you happily greeted them as they looked around the place in awe. aaron began to go over rules and boundaries for the group. after the previous night, you were unsure about where you stood with warner, so you decided to give him some space and stand with the rest of the group. as he spoke, he threw not-so subtle glances your way, making you confused about whether he was upset with you or not.
aaron ventured off, everyone was setting up their items, and you separated with kenji and juliette. they book had look more distressed upon their arrival. apparently, juliette took one last chance to try and convince adam to come along, he didn't budge, saying he had to protect james and encouraged juliette to stay as well. it resulted in an argument; eventually, he respected her decision to fight - but it would mean the end for them. you comforted your sister through her heartbreak, adam had been a big part of her life, even a bit of yours. so to say goodbye must've been hard for her.
kenji also tried to persuade adam, but it escalated, and the two started throwing harsh words at each other. you knew adam was his friends, whether they both acknowledged it or not, and after omega point, you were sure kenji didn't want to lose anyone else. leaving james behind made it worse.
the direction of conversation then turned to you, and you were originally going to deny any conflict, but kenji and juliette picked up on the tension between you and aaron.
juliette starts, "so, what happened with warner?"
"don't know what you mean."
kenji and juliette give each other a mutual glance, " we aren't blind; the guy kept looking at you as if you'd killed his puppy. like seriously, there could've been a rain cloud over him with how much he was sulking."
you opened up to the happenings of last night, leaving out too personal information about warner, and how you weren't sure what to do now. kenji lost his mind at the bit about the tattoo, this new side of warner still weirding him out.
"i thought you were into him?"
"i mean, i am. it's just all so confusing. i'm not trying to string him along, i just want to truly know him before i could want more with him. it feels like he knows every single thing about me, while i'm barely starting to paint a picture. or maybe he only thinks he loves me or he's only interested in me because of my gift."
"dude, everything he has done for us so far is all because of you. what kind of guy tattoo's a stupid drawing someone drew on their back? and i swear he gets cartoon heart eyes when he looks at you too long. i know i called you naive for believing it, but that was before i saw first hand how intimate his feelings are for you."
"he's right, y/n. think about if he only cared about your gift, he would've been treating us the same, after all, he brought both of us in. sure, he acts decent towards me, but i'm pretty sure it has more to do with the fact we're sisters. you don't play nice with someone's family unless you really like them."
you were silent as you absorbed both their perspectives.
kenji sighs, "damn, i need a love life."
"interested in someone else."
"technically single, but i'd choose the asylum over you."
"i'm starting to miss when you both were meek and quiet."
after that friendly therapy session, you regained your focus on the important task, formulating a plan to overtake anderson. you had a few ideas, some you talked about with aaron, but a seventeen-year-old girl can only do so much on her own, so that's why you bring in your sister, who is also seventeen. as the two of you went through essentially the same trauma, she had as much right to be a big part of this as you.
aaron came back hours later, and everyone gathered around and took a seat somewhere. to your surprise, aaron sat down right the to you. the tension is so much worse side by side. knowing aaron could read what you felt didn't make it better.
you began to illustrate the details of the plan, juliette helping fill in and explain points. the goal is to get anderson to sector 45; to do that, you had to take over sector 45. getting people and soldiers to rebel was going to be the trickiest part, and much of the group wasn't on board that it could work.
"we're going to have to show them our strengths, i'll help them see our strength." you explain.
"and if they shoot us?" ian counters..
juliette shrugs, "then don't do it, i'm sure my sister and i are capable of being amazing by ourselves."
"real humble , j."
brendan speaks up, "so, we've got somewhat of a synopsis of juliette's gift, but, no offense y/n, what is it you can do besides read minds?"
it was true; almost everyone wasn't aware of other capabilities you possessed. you didn't like to divulge your gift much back at omega point, kenji, juliette, and castle knowing the most. unlike juliette, who had many different events where she showed her amazing strength, and you were sure they saw more when she practiced at adam's house while you were separated.
you briefly revealed more about your powers, mind-reading, telekinesis, and your ongoing training in telepathic defense. you admitted to losing control a few times as well. the group looked more amazed as you went on.
"prove it."
"yeah, c'mon dude, show us."
everyone else started egging you on to make a show of your powers; you even saw aaron look interested in wanting to see it. you gave in, and asked aaron for permission to throw some objects around, he nodded.
you started levitating different objects and throwing a few around. kenji started begging for you to lift him, so you did - then winston and brendan kept begging to go next. you showcased a small shield of energy you were able to produce. lastly, they wanted to see your telepathic projection, but you explained it would involve harming one of them, so you shut it down.
"so like, you can do all that too right? since you can steal powers?" winston questions warner.
"yes, if i wanted to i could take hers, or any of your powers and use it."
you cough into your hand, "no one's better than the original, though."
"so the two of you together can basically can..."
"take over the world?"
"...was going to say kick serious ass, but you're not wrong."
warner doesn't respond, but you can see him holding back a smile.
the thought of warner taking powers was eerie to the group, but you reassured them of your faith and trust in aaron. then the conversation redirects to the plan. castle questions of what is supposed to happen if you do win, such as who is going to lead.
"i will." juliette pulls you by the arm next to her, "and y/n will help me."
the room falls silent. even warner is still. your head snaps to your sister, that was not a topic the two of you discussed. nor did you know it was up for discussion. you, of course, didn't express your surprise, you couldn't show doubt when this whole meeting relied on trust. juliette's speech on the new world motivated everyone to follow through with the battle plan, you silently supported it, but in your mind, you didn't think it was the best idea for you both to lead a whole country. you think juliette forgets just how young and inexperienced you both are.
but you were sure this was a problem that could be mended later, right?
aaron and you were alone in his room again, the silence so deafening, you mentally cringed. you attempted to start the conversation on his thoughts about the plan, but he began to brush you off. frustrated, you call him out on his recent behavior.
"why is it all or nothing with you? i didn't reject you- all i said was i want to know you better, i saw you in a bad light for a good while. i want to see the positive just as much."
"or maybe you're just expecting too much from me."
"why are you being so stubborn!"
"because you being disgusted with what you learn, would end me."
he walked out after, a common occurrence, it seemed, these past days.
you vented all your frustrations into training the next day. you told yourself you wouldn't focus on warner, no matter how good he looked in sweatpants, and instead use your pent-up energy to master your powers.
it paid off well; you got closer to creating a shield. but maybe a little too well, since you accidentally launched kenji across the room with your energy force. he got you back off, turning invisible and tripping you. juliette concentrated on moving her dumbbell with the force of will, but she struggled. reminded you a lot of your training at omega point. you offered her tips on what worked for you, and kenji coached.
at some point, you went to the back to drink from your water bottle, unintentionally near where warner was bench pressing. then suddenly you heard someone yell 'get down'. it all happened in a flash, you turned around a bit late, and the rock wall behind you came crumbling down at you. you quickly attempted to lift your hands, levitate most of the impact and braced yourself. suddenly, instead of your body colliding with dozen of sharp rocks, you were surrounded in bubbles. you turned the rumble into fucking bubbles.
you stood mouth wide open in shock for a minute, the people around you just as amazed. aaron was the first to run to you, asking if you were alright, and you nodded, still a bit shocked. he expressed his astoundment at your newfound skill.
juliette then came up to you and profusely apologized, and you assured her you were okay and accidents happen.
"i can't count how many times i almost knocked out castle with things during my training. you'll get the hang of it. plus, i'm sure aaron had trouble learning to control power too."
"oh, no. though i've always been very good at everything i do."
you smack his chest, "you are seriously no help."
you continue to train very hard for the rest of the week, your muscle will likely permanently ache in pain.
you and aaron hadn't gotten much better, you really did try to reach out so many times, but if he wasn't going to cooperate, why waste energy.
he made a habit of intentionally putting his focus on things around the base and working late, so he wouldn't see you until you were already asleep.
if things ended badly between you two, i'd be because of his own stupidity, not for your lack of trying nor the judgment of his character.
other than that, all was well. until kenjii decided to casually drop a bomb that adam and james were coming to the base. juliette started freaking out, and you weren't sure where you and adam stood, but you were excited to see james again.
adam arrived, and tensions between the ex-couple were high. they both were cordial but weren't sure how to act around one another. adam went up and apologized to you for his treatment, and you accepted it because he was once your friend, and you hated grudges. james excitedly greeted you, and you gave him a small tour.
then aaron showed up, ignoring adam, but he and james went back in forth in exchanges. it was very entertaining to watch, and aaron pointed out your enjoyment.
"why do you call her amor?"
"it means love in spanish."
"so, do you love her?"
"why, do you?"
"n-no! she's really pretty- i mean, i like her...no, ugh, she's like a million years older than me!"
"hey! i'm not prehistoric!"
you cut the exchange short, grabbing james on the shoulders and dragging him away, "how about we go back t kenji while i explain to you age numbers..."
you and juliette got upgrades in suits. yours similar to your former, but with minor changes. your color was now a darker red with accents of black, your coat was now high to low with slides for the sides of your legs to show, new knee-high combat coots, and new long fingerless gloves. yours and juliette's new material was made to accommodate your powers.
for training, you watched juliette and kenji go back in forth in combat - kenji mostly won due to technique, but juliette overpowered him a few times.
aaron came up to you, and insisted the two of you train in combat together. you rejected his offer; combat was not your forte, you were repeatedly told by kenji many times. so you just stuck to using your powers. but aaron wouldn't back off.
"it's important to learn combat, amor."
"if i run into a bad guy i'll just fling him away."
"and when you can't use your powers, what happens?"
you were going to argue that wouldn't happen, but knew it wouldn't suffice for him, so you just gave in, so he would shut up.
it was no shocker that he easily blocked your punches and stopped any attack. he even had the audacity to be amused at how badly you were doing.
"wow, you are quite terrible."
"okay, i get it i suck. can i go back to my training?"
"c'mon, amor, don't give up so easily. punch me."
as much as you were annoyed, you didn't want to physically hurt him. aaron laughed when you told him that. that itself, ticked you off. and it did not help that now you had an audience invested in the interaction.
you still didn't relent, aaron was a bit disappointed, but he focused on fixing your form.
you don't know if it was the fact aaron laughed, his constant comments, or all your pent-up frustration, but something came over you. while aaron was distracted with giving walking you through hitting an opponent, you hit him - hard. you might've used some of your powers to make the hit stronger, but he didn't need to know that.
aaron staggered back, shockingly caught off guard. you honestly expected him to block it like your other ones; but no you managed to land a hit on his cheekbone area, hitting some of the side of his nose. your poor form made for your knuckles to hurt badly.
everyone stopped what they were doing; even you froze. kenji in the back, trying not to laugh. aaron then recovered, his land touching the side of his face. his face didn't show anger, pain, nor surprise - he was smiling in admiration.
"oh my god, i'm so sorry!"
"no, don't apologize, amor. i'm very content being the first to experience your strength firsthand."
you and aaron ended up cutting practice short and went to the infirmary. you helped treat the large bruise on his face you'd given him as a small apology, and he wrapped your sprained knuckles and partly chasted you for incorrect hand form. was he looking to get punched again?
the following day, aaron woke you up earlier than your normal routine. he mentioned an opportunity for you and juliette to finally get practice outside of the base, and you quickly agreed. you asked why so suddenly, and then he disclosed he was going to visit his mother. it was her birthday, he explained. he didn't say much after that and went over that kenji will keep you and juliette invisible after he leaves.
but you couldn't help your curiosity and asked a little about his mother. hearing the story of his ring broke your heart. the only gifts you got were when you and juliette exchanged homemade gifts for your shared birthday, but the story made you appreciate that tradition much more.
"i think it's good you still visit her."
"is it?"
"it is. knowing you have someone there is sometimes enough. whenever i remembered i had my sister with me, it made the asylum not completely terrible. and around you, i feel like i achieve anything."
juliette, kenji, and you, invisible, met with warner at his tank. you didn't even need to tell him of your presence before he helped you into the tank and got on the driver side to start it.
"how'd you..." you ask, confused.
"i can sense your presences. especially yours."
"woah, freaky. what's mine feel like? peanut better?" he got ignored.
you settled on the opposite window side, juliette next to you, and kenji next to aaron. kenji started shuffling around, uncomfortable.
"dude, y/n, switch seats with me."
"what why?"
"your boyfriend is touching my leg."
"you flatter yourself." aaron interjects.
"c'mon hurry up! i think he's about to knife me..."
"just switch with juliette. it's easier."
"no way, if i'm gonna move, i might as well get the window seat."
you roll your eyes (not that he can see), and the two of you begin a messy movement of bodies to switch seats. poor juliette, stuck in the middle, getting hit by an occasional limb.
"ow, you just hit me in the face-" juliette complains.
"sorry, i'm trying my best-"
"now you just hit me!" you exclaim.
"oh my god, let me just-"
"kenji!"
kenji was the first to get to his new seat, you were situated over both him and juliette. kenji, tired of your leg in his face, shoved you with brief warning. and in an attempt to stable yourself you put your hands out on aaron's lap, but one hand missed. and landed on his groin. aaron visibly flinched and put his lips together in a straight line to contain his painful expression.
you gasped and hastily moved your hands in a panic, then to make matters worse - you fell face first in his lap. you were so happy to be invisible at the moment.
aaron takes a sharp intake of air, and his knuckles turn white from how tight he grips the wheel. you scramble you sit correctly, accidentally putting a hand on his groin again before finally in the seat. the silence was deafening.
aaron promptly dropped you both off at an empty site and bid you goodbye. you gave him some last words for comfort that you noticed he appreciated. then he went off.
sometime later, it was time for the four of you to meet up again. the practice had been somewhat successful. there were many miscalculations with practicing and being invisible. the three of you kept stumbling into each other, having the wrong place meant, and arguing over who was right. but ignoring that, you did get some practice in there.
aaron, however, was unusually late. it worried you. kenji and juliette didn't think much of it. but since you knew his location, you sensed there was something wrong. you asked both of them to check on him to ensure he was already, and you three walked to the house. you avoided mentioning aaron's mother.
you asked juliette and kenji to wait outside as you went inside.knji begrudgingly agreed, ensuring he could keep the invisibility up inside, too. juliette bid you to be careful and return as soon as possible.
you saw a few different pictures of aaron with his mother as a child. you looked through different rooms until you found him. he was sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest, his frame trembling. his mother died; you put together. you quickly knelt down and gave him a hug that he accepted. you let him hold you tightly as he sobs sorrowfully. it was painful to witness, so you let him cry onto your shoulder for however long he needed.
an hour later you returned, kenji and juliette already in the tank, no invisibility. you didn't need for them to say anything to know they had questions, so you avoided their gaze. next to you, aaron held your hand the whole way back
his mother's death reminded you of his family, the unknown fact to him that he shares blood with adam and james. you wanted him to know, but truly, you didn't want any part of that mess. knowing was already knawing at you as it was. juliette disagreed; she thought adam needed to tell aaron.
you thought leaving aaron alone was the best decision. you even planned to spend the night where everyone else was. but as you were packing a bag, he stopped you. aaron grabs your arm and turns you to look at him.
"you're right. i am holding back. i was telling you how much you were in denial, but it was me who was holding back. you've always seen me in a light like no one has. i've never thought of myself as even a decent man until you came around. and it scares me. so much. i'm afraid of disappointing you, and you'll be disgusted with me, see the monster i see every day in the mirror. but if giving more of myself is all it takes to be yours, then it's done. you can learn every crevice of my soul if it means you'll stay with me."
you knew it then, "i love you." you are in love.
he grabs your face and kisses you in less than a second. the kiss being so loving and careful, he takes his time memorizing your lips. he lifts you in the air prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist. from there, the kiss molds into passion and need. before you know it, you're both lying on the bed with him hovering over you.
aaron groans into your mouth, "say it again."
you softly giggle, "i love you."
"god, you have no idea what you just unleashed, amor."
your stomach is doing a million glips. your entire body is in frenzy. you're ready to have a heart attack there and then. it was only just the beginning as well.
"lift your hips for me, amor."
"c'mon, angel, don't get shy on me now."
"i'm afraid you're never getting rid of me now mi amor."
very long night.
you slept through most of the morning, only woken up by aaron laying kissing down your neck. then he started going lower down your body. any sleep you had was now gone.
"aaron.. what are you doing."
"nothing."
"liar."
"shhh.. you just lay there, i'm just going to enjoy my breakfast."
the man was insaitable; you were sure you weren't ever gonna get out of bed that day. but eventually, you did. had to dedicate half an hour to walking properly again.
you went to you rfinal fitting for suits, and the new look was incredible. juliette traded the purple for a new black suit - kenji not liking his color stolen.
"why am i the only one in color now?"
"so, you can get spotted and shot at first while the rest of us get away." kenji answers.
"you're the worst."
aaron walked up behind you and whispered in your ear, "how quickly can you take this off?"
you smack his chest and give a playful disapproving look.
"i mean, it definitely can stay on, too."
"aaron!"
the bliss of everything helped ease your nerves for the following day. you were sat in aaron's room going over the plan for the millionth time. aaron kept reassuring you you'd be perfect and worrying will do nothing but install fear.
"it's just... what if it backfires. what if no one listens or surrenders?"
"it wont and they will."
"you're right. i'll just tell them my scary boyfriend will come after them."
"for you? always." he kisses your cheek, "i like the sound of you saying boyfriend, but scary?"
"well, everyone besides me is pretty scared of you."
"and what about you, what do you think of me?"
"i think you're cute."
"cute? yeah, let me show you just how cute, i can be."
aaron can never take his off of you for too long.
the next day, you, juliette, and the others stood in front of sector 45. both the people and the soldiers gathered there, all of their eyes fixed on your group. it was like the world's largest show and tell.
aaron started it off with a speech, informing everyone of the truth and the fact you and juliette were alive and well. then your sister took over, and directly told the crowd the plan to destroy the reestablishment, you gave a few words of your own, but juliette did most of the talking much to your relief.
then the questions from the crowd starting, so it was time for the group to showcase their powers. finally it was down to juliette and you.
juliette climbed to a building s good hundred feet from the ground, then jumped off and landed - making the ground tremble and shatter beneath her.
"how the hell do i top that?" you whisper to yourself.
with a comforting look from aaron, and a deep breath, you stepped into the front. you looked for a fairly easy but impressive thing to lift and spotted a very tall tower. bingo.
using your ability, you began carefully levitating it above the ground. you closed your hand into a fist, and the tower began breaking into bits. people began to panic as the rubble started coming toward them, but suddenly, you transformed the pieces into butterflies flying around the people. everyone looking around in amazement.
you took the biggest deep breath once you were done. very happy your practice paid off, and you didn't accidentally end up killing a crowd.
the crowd cheered and roared. the presentation proved to be successful because they got on board with destroying the reestablishment. the soldiers surrendered and joined the rebellion.
back in the training room, everyone was overjoyed with the success of overtaking sector 45, but now came the hardest part. winning a war.
juliette ran straight to you, attacking you in a very strong hug. so strong you had to tell her to chill on the power a bit. she apologized and released you. the recent events were still reeling in your mind, not fully comprehended.
"oh my god, juliette what did we just do?"
"we just started a war my dearest sister."
and now you had to wait to face anderson in likely a day or two. he almost killed you last time. but you wouldn't let him get lucky again.
the group, minus aaron, sat in the training room discussing what was next. one talk to another led to the topic of anderson.
"i've never even met the guy. wonder what he's like?"
"he's handsome. it's actually insane how evil, but striking he is." you blurt out.
juliette agrees, but the group looks at you weirdly.
"dude, you just called your boyfriend's dad attractive."
"what? i don't mean it in a weird way."
"hey, at least you've got a backup option if the first anderson doesn't work out. "
you throw a pillow at kenji's head.
then the topic of anderson's name came about, and that's when the trouble began. adam answered his name was paris; but suddenly, aaron arrived in the room, overhearing the conversation.
aaron put him against the wall, interrogated him on how he knew, and adam not saying anything. you couldn't take it anymore, so you yelled out the truth.
"he's your bother!"
aaron didn't believe it. juliette kept pressuring adam until he finally confessed. everyone gave the two of them space to work things out as everyone else busied themselves. when all was on steady terms, aaron sat with you.
"you should've told me."
"i know, i'm sorry. but it really wasn't my secret to tell."
"i had a right to know."
"c'mon, if you had some sort of family secret of mine, would you tell me right away?"
he hesitates, "you're right. you didn't want to get involved, i understand that."
you tell yourself it didn't matter, but you couldn't help but ask, did he deliberately avoid answering. you brush it off, probably nothing.
you returned to aaron's room, you both talked about the brother situation more, and aaron mentioned spending more time with both kent's. you were happy to see he was content to learn about his new family and want to see them more.
"this is great. i'm happy when you're happy. it's deserve more close people in your life."
"but i have you, and that's enough."
"very sweet, but family relationships are different. i was fortunate to have a sister in my life. what if my mother hadn't had the both of us, juliette not being my sister? seems unimaginable.."
aaron goes rigid, being in his lap, you notice immediately, "you alright?"
he relaxes and nods, "this whole situation has me a bit disorientated. enough brother talk. let me remind you why our relationship has much better advantages than other ones.."
a full night of sleep was just a foreign concept at this point.
it took one day for anderson to come to the sector. you all had luckily kind of prepared for it, so there was a plan set that you all were to follow. kenji, juliette, and you were responsible for going to the ship to deal with anderson while the rest took care of the matter on land.
before separating, you said your farewell and good luck to aaron. you tried to cry when saying goodbye to james and promising all would be fine. lastly, you gave aaron a kiss, and you promised each other to be safe.
"i have no doubts that you will succeed. my father can't even fathom the power you possess."
as you three board the port, you notice the massive groups of soldiers. juliette has the idea of you pushing them into the water with your powers, which you do.
you each take turns getting onto the ship, 5-second gap each. however, once you get inside, you can't find neither juliette or kenji. still invisible, you take your chances going through different doors, trying not alert soldiers.
but it fails because bullets began shooting in your direction. you run as fast as you can; unlike juliette, you are not invincible neither was your suit, at least not entirely.
with your invisibility gone, you get cornered with at least 7 soldiers, armed. your instincts kick in, and you start throwing men and attacking them with your energy. one soldier begins shooting at you when you're caught off guard. you hold your hand out as a protection and close your eyes, but you see the bullet is stopped - by your shield. you hadn't even made an effort to create it yet, and it presented itself like it was an automatic presence.
after witnessing that, the guard abandoned the ship and ran off. you couldn't blame him; you doubt he got paid enough to deal with all this.
you attention is shifted when you heard loud crashes and screams. you recognize them as your friend and your sister. you rush toward the room where the sound was originating.
you see kenji on the ground in pain and juliette not too far off; she's crouched down, clutching her head, and struggling to stand. you spot anderson, with another man, who you recognize is causing juliette's pain with his sonic wave gift.
you focus your energy on the boy, focusing on hurting him. then he stops his pressure waves and starts howling in pain, crouching down like juliette had. you were in a trance, channeling all your energy into hurting the guy, then - you snapped his neck.
you ran to juliette first, helping her get up, then you checked on kenji who was in worse shape.
anderson drew his gun, and started shooting bullets at you both, but it simply just bounced off. you and juliette drew your own weapons; you looked at each other and knew what had to happen next.
you focus your energy on anderson, his legs then collapse under him. he starts scrambling on the ground. juliette steps on his hands - shattering his borns with her power.
"remember that lesson on justice getting served?"
you shoot him in the chest, and juliette aims for his head.
4 shots - one for adam, one for aaron, one for juliette, and one for you.
it was a blur after that. sara and sonya were found and attended to kenji who was luckily not in any fatal condition, he would be okay.
it felt like you were experiencing someone out-of-body, unreal. juliette went up to the speaker system, capable of speaking to the entirety of the sector. she announced the end of the reestablishment and its new leader.
he was dead. it was over.
still bloodied and bruised, you stood on the tallest tower of the compound. you hadn't talked to anyone; everyone too busy rejoicing. but you were still digesting everything that had just happened.
you look over the new land and wonder what could be in store next.
you're not surprised when juliette and aaron find you, they know you too well at this point. they don't say anything and each take a side next to you. aaron puts a hand around your waist and tugs you toward him.
"the entire rest of the world is coming after us now, you know."
"i'd love to see them try." juliette says confidently.
"i believe as long as our bonds remain strong, we can overcome anything." though. that wasn't how you really felt.
you didn't want to damper a glorious day. but you couldn't help the pit forming inside of your stomach, telling you this was only the beginning of a treacherous path.
but nothing come could destroy the bonds you forged, right?
@whatsupb18 @letspretendimnottrash @heart-an0n @mrsspector-grant @kikilarast10 @nina357 @lupinswolfsbanes (tysm for the support)
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queenburd · 1 year
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I played Zending last night and got to hear lines I’ve literally never, never heard before. It actually hurt.
Anyway here’s Zending fic. Im like. Neutral about it. It feels all over the place. Whatever.
He’s trembling.
Stanley sits at his desk, staring at the blinking green marker on his computer screen. He barely sees it.
(“I just wanted us to get along.”)
He stands abruptly. He steps out of his office.
“Where were all of his coworkers? Stanley decided to go to the meeting room—perhaps he had simply missed a memo.”
The voice is steady as ever. It does not waver. It does not whimper. It does not snarl.
Stanley will not be sick. Stanley will not crumple like wet cardboard.
He walks down the hall.
Takes the door on the left.
Goes to the boss’s office.
Turns off the mind control facility.
Steps outside.
Walks down the hall.
Takes the door on the left.
Goes to the boss’s office.
Turns off the mind control facility.
Steps outside.
Walks down the hall.
Takes the—
Both the doors close.
“Stanley, much as I appreciate you playing my game to its proper completion, I can’t help feeling like you’re not absorbing this the way you ought to.”
But—but Stanley is trying to, to play this properly. He’s trying to do what the fellow tells him to.
(“I just wanted us to get along.”)
“Your heart’s not in it, I can tell you that much. No, the story isn’t leaving the impression on you that it’s supposed to. You’re not getting anything out of it, which renders it moot.”
Stanley’s hands are balled up into fists. He grits his teeth tight to the danger of hurting himself. None of this should matter. None of it ever matters, he knows that. It always ends with him in his office, staring down a hall, a voice waiting for him.
“Well if it’s so meaningless, then why are you so adamant to play it?” The voice is offended, it’s clear by how it enunciates its words.
Stanley tries to breathe properly, a boiling anger making itself known.
(“I just wanted us to get along.”)
“And that! What is that, that you keep almost remembering? What in Heaven’s name has you so worked up?”
So it hadn’t bothered him, then? His voice breaking as he begged, pleaded—
Stanley grabs his temples. Squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to think about this. This is his enemy. It was a ploy, nothing more. He’s fallen for it, sure, but that doesn’t mean he needs to remember the vivid details of his shame.
“I don’t understand. What ploy, Stanley?”
Why was he pretending he didn’t know?! Does he enjoy mocking Stanley for being so gullible and weak? That Stanley would fall for such a cheap trick, some waterworks? Yes, fine! He may not like the fellow, but he’s not cruel and heartless! He—
“Stanley!” The voice interrupts, sounding honestly alarmed. “I’m not mocking you, I legitimately don’t understand. I—you’re starting to concern me, really!”
Stanley clutches his head and tries to control his breathing. The voice carries on, clearly anxious.
“I really don’t know what’s gotten into you. I know we went through the red door, saw the stars—did that ending really upset you so much? Because I—well,” it continues, sounding a bit put out, a bit disappointed. “I thought it was lovely. You didn’t like it?”
What part of throwing himself to his death repeatedly was Stanley supposed to like?
A long silence. Then:
“… what are you talking about? What does that mean?”
Wh—
He doesn’t remember?
“Stanley, what don’t I remember? What am I supposed to be remembering?”
He doesn’t remember.
A weight falls off Stanley’s shoulders.
“Stanley? Stanley, tell me what I’m supposed to remember!”
He inhales shakily to let out a sigh of relief. Okay. This changes things. He hasn’t ruined everything beyond repair.
“Stanley, don’t avoid the question!”
No, he doesn’t want to. He wants to play the game. He wants to move on.
“I cannot believe this! You’re behaving like a child! Just tell me what you’re hiding!”
No.
The narrator seethes. Stanley’s face is beautifully blank.
It’s for the best, honestly, that the narrator cannot remember. It’s a miserable thing, to remember. So Stanley doesn’t want to think about it, and that’s much easier to do when the other party can’t hold it over him.
“Fine. Fine. But you listen to me,” the voice hisses venomously. “I will find out what you’re keeping from me, if I have to rip it from your very skull. You try to keep your little secrets, Stanley. You’ll see. You can’t hide anything from me.”
The doors swing open with a bang. Stanley takes the door on the left.
He behaves all the way to the on/off switch, and then slams the ON button.
Alright, look, the fellow can work out some frustration. Stanley will press buttons in the meantime. They can both work off some steam and do something new. Win-win.
(“I just wanted—“)
There’s a low, dangerous chuckle.
“You don’t have the power you think you do. You never did, and you never will.”
There is no timer. The bomb goes off.
Stanley feels like he is flung into his office chair, and then he feels something—someone—pry its large, sharp claws into the fragile mass of his mind, and tear it open down the middle to rifle through the contents.
“If we just stay here, right in this moment, in this place… Stanley, I— I think I feel…. Happy. I actually feel happy!”
Stanley looks up at the stars. He watches the lights drift up.
It…
Fuck, but he has to hand it to the fellow. It is beautiful. Really, honestly beautiful.
But he can’t help how his eye keeps getting drawn to the staircase down to a door. Can’t help being curious.
“No… wait. Where are you going?” The voice is shaken from its reverie when he steps out of the room, like it was so entranced it almost hadn’t realized he’d slipped away.
He just wants to see what’s around the corner. They can go back, he just—
“Oh, no!”
Stairs. Stairs that go nowhere. Stairs that go up and up and up, with no other way but down.
Stanley feels his stomach drop. He steps back, through the doorway into the hall, and then turns on his heel and bolts to the room with the lights.
“Right,” the narrator says, clearly trying to recover, still frazzled. “Where were we?”
Lights. Lights. Stanley is staying here.
“Right. If we just stay here… we just have to stop moving.”
No moving. Okay. Okay.
The voice goes quiet. Stanley stays and looks up at the lights for a long time. His heart rate slows, his breaths deepen.
Okay. He’s feeling a lot more put together. And he can see that the narrator does want to show him something beautiful. He’s willing to try to compromise. He’s willing to play along, to meet in the middle.
The voice says nothing.
Very slowly, Stanley feels himself growing cold.
“We would both be so much happier if we just stopped.”
Oh. Stanley thinks he understands. It frightens him.
There is no story here. There is no progression. There is just this room. There is only the trap of happiness here, like the lotus eaters of the Odyssey. The cursed sweet fruit that keeps you from moving, from progressing.
That’s not a life. That’s not living. It’s only escapism. And all this means is that Stanley will never be happy here.
And, and the voice, quiet, lured in, eating the lotuses forever, will not reset, no matter how Stanley pleads. It thinks it knows what’s best.
Oh, god. He has to—
He has to—
Stanley inhales a shuddering breath and gets to his feet. Move. Move. Don’t think about it. Just move without thinking.
He makes it to the bottom of the stairs before the voice finally seems to come to its senses.
“No! What did we talk about?! You’re risking everything we achieved here!”
Stanley takes another breath to brace himself.
“Please, no, Stanley! Let me stay here! Don’t take this away from me!”
It pleads. It begs. When he doesn’t die from the first fall, it takes shuddering breaths and tries again to coax him to see reason.
God, he wants to. His steps are slow—pain creeps up his body.
But Stanley can’t. He knows he can’t. He knows that he’s not just fighting for himself.
He has to do this for both of them.
“I can’t go back to the way I was before!”
God, he’s sorry. But this isn’t living. He feels like he’s trying to hold an addict back from a drug, and it’s cruel, but it has to happen, it has to.
Stanley… is not this thing’s friend. He’s not. It tells him again and again that he has no power. He’s just a plaything for it. A toy. It keeps him in this unending prison and tries to break him when he does anything it deems a distraction.
But he likes to think he’s a good person. He doesn’t act out of malice. Mischievousness, maybe. It’s a little fun to see the fellow fuss, since he’s so dramatic. But cruelty? Stanley doesn’t act out of cruelty. It never grants him the same regard, it’s plenty cruel to him, but he doesn’t take any sick pleasure from trying to return the favor.
But this is cruel.
The voice cracks. With each fall, it loses hope. It gives up on him.
“I just wanted us to get along. But I guess that was too much to ask.”
Stanley wishes he felt angry. He wishes he could feel a spark of resentment at that statement, when the narrator has done so much to him that would dissuade any sensible person from considering that getting along was still an option.
He wishes it all the way down.
But all he feels is shame.
“I—“
The presence reels back, away and out of Stanley’s memories, out of repulsion or horror he cannot tell.
Stanley wants to scream. He covers his head and neck with his arms and braces for retribution, for the rage he expected when he first woke up after those stairs faded from his vision.
He had expected anger. Cruelty. Vengeance. He had tried to play along, to ease his punishment if he could. To maybe show his remorse.
(“I just wanted—“)
Fuck, fuck. It’s going to hurt him.
“I…”
He hadn’t done it to be cruel, he hadn’t done it to be powerful, he’s sorry, he knows he let him down, and he wishes the fellow could have just been happier not remembering. He could have kept this burden to himself.
“Why don’t I remember?”
It’s not directed at him. The voice is asking itself. It seems lost.
“I…”
There’s the rustling of papers.
“We. We go into the room,” the narrator starts haltingly. “We come to an understanding. And then I reset. I—that’s what it says. It says that I—but I didn’t—“
Stanley is shaking.
“But I… I couldn’t….”
Please. He’s sorry. He knows it’s going to hurt him, but please, don’t hurt him too badly.
“Oh, Stanley.”
It seems only now to notice him, his terror. His withdrawal. He doesn’t think it’s ever seen him so afraid, not even in the ending with the bomb. And of course it hasn’t. Because that’s just death. Death is scary, but quick.
Pain can last. When done by experts, it can last a long, long time.
(“I just wanted us to get along.”)
“Stanley?” The voice is small. It’s said the same way it was said when it asked him to please, please go back to the other room. “I’m… it’s. It’s okay. You’re okay. It—it’s going to be fine.” It strengthens a bit. Clears its throat. “It’s just an ending. It’s over, alright? We’re none the worse for wear.”
He gets the sense that, if it could, the voice would be placing a hand so gently on the spread of his back, between his stretched shoulder blades, in an attempt to get him to relax. Try to bleed the tension out of him.
“The lotus-eater comparison was… quite clever,” the narrator offers, a small olive branch. “I’m not angry with you, Stanley. After all, I did just see it all through your eyes. I know you weren’t being intentionally cruel.”
It doesn’t make things better.
“Well, no, but intent does matter.” The narrator sighs. “Gosh, you really weren’t kidding about that being miserable. Ignorance really is bliss, sometimes, isn’t it?”
Stanley chokes on a wet laugh. Understatement of the century.
God. It’s so unfair that the most beautiful place in the game so far is so dangerous.
“You liked it that much?” The narrator’s voice is hopeful and perhaps a bit shy.
Yeah. He had.
The fellow preens a bit, humming happily. “Well, I’m sure I can come up with something just as good. And—maybe—maybe I’ll remember now. Maybe we can go back.”
Stanley shivers.
“Oh, no no no, not now. Certainly not. Mustn’t be too careful. Poor fellow. What I mean is—if you need a break. Since—well, since we dealt with this far from that room, I’ll be able to keep this experience in mind. Maybe then I won’t make the same mistakes.”
Stanley doesn’t know. He’s not up for risking it right now. And the fellow doesn’t listen to him much, so he doubts that his prodding would have much effect, not if the narrator is so deeply entranced again.
The voice heaves a sigh again. “Well. It is your choice, in the end. Lord knows I can’t force you.”
The quiet drifts back in. After a long pause, where Stanley wonders if it’s retreated back into the hall, the voice speaks up again.
“Stanley,” it says, very very gently, as though trying not to spook him, “I’m not going to hurt you.”
His reaction startles both of them—he bursts into tears.
It’s just a release of the tension, he thinks distantly, while his body heaves and shakes. He was so unimaginably scared and ashamed, that the final acknowledgement means all that emotion needs an outlet.
Stanley cries. The narrator stumbles over his words.
“Oh, oh damn it all, I’ve made it worse, haven’t I? Stanley, I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m not good at this!”
No, no. It’s okay. He just needs to get it out. This is a thing he needs to do for himself.
“I. Okay.” The fellow clearly doesn’t understand, but he’s trying valiantly to give Stanley what he needs. “I’ll just, wait outside until you’re ready to continue the story.”
Fine. That’s fine.
Stanley lets it all shake out of him. It exhausts him, hollows him out. He comes out the other side feeling cleaner, if a little raw—like fresh skin under the dry peeling sunburn.
“There you go,” the narrator greets when he finally exits the office. “Ready to continue?”
The fellow sounds nervous, though it’s evident he’s working to hide it. Stanley scrubs at his face one more time, then gives a thumbs up.
“Alright.” He clears his throat. “Where were all of his coworkers? Stanley decided to go to the meeting room—perhaps he had simply missed a memo.”
Stanley takes a deep breath.
And then he hops out the window.
“Wh—“
There’s a palpable befuddlement to the voice, but it persists, working to stay on script. Stanley can’t help the sigh of relief.
He needed to be sure. He needed to know he wouldn’t be hurt for disobeying again.
The narrator huffs, strums his guitar, and insults him sternly, but the protagonist gets the sense that he’s just as aware of Stanley’s fears, and just as eager to provide him the proof that, yes, he is going to be okay.
(“I just wanted us to get along.”)
They are going to be okay.
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zredarts · 1 year
Note
HEY HEY GHESTIE CONGRATS MR DEWDROP LOVED YOUR STICKER AND PUT IT ON HIS GUITAR IM SURE HE LOVES IT HES LIKE OH THANK YOU GOOD JOB ITS SO CUTE
HI HI! why thank you! Everyone is being so nice about this, its very warming since i didn't even know he would do this.
I already talked about it on twitter, but i think I'mma go into detail here for those who have no twitter, and also because i have more space for rants.
For starters, im a very anxious person. I am aware of everything and everyone in my surroundings, and i don't like to bother people. Miraculously, i made some friends there and they helped me be more comfortable (this was my first concert ever, not even first ritual just concert in general). I tried showing Sodo my sticker during ritual, but to no avail he didn't see it, and i don't blame him it must be hard to see with that mask, and i was in an awkward place (between middle and right stage, front row). One of his picks also accidentally hit me in the face but thats another topic lol
After ritual they tweeted about some event going on. We decided to go check it out since they said they'll be around. I didn't think we would see them but sure enough they arrived to take a look a bit later. My mind was set on giving him the sticker because it was now or never, but i didn't feel comfortable doing so, and so my friends just pushed me near him. I was afraid he would reject it, and at first i felt like i was being a bother, but as soon as he realized i was handing him a sticker his face just lighted up with a smile. I still remember his exact words when he went to grab it. He thanked me, looked it for a bit and said it was adorable. When i tell you this man was the sweetest and spoke to me softly im not exaggerating, he was such a sweetheart. After that i had to leave immediately because again, insecurities and i was shaking very badly so i turned around and went back to my spot. I dunno if he wanted to say something about it, cuz when i looked back he had come closer to my friends and they were talking about something. They left soon after, i think they went to see another concert playing on that venue.
That said, i was certainly sure he may have lost the sticker because of how many people were there and the probability of it falling on accident, and i forgot to give him a backup. I didn't mind if he would have lost it, it was just a sticker after all, but almost a week later i get a message at 3 am from a fan (if you're reading this, thank you so much i wouldn't have known without you) who recognized the sticker from my Instagram story. I didn't have words, i actually was mentally denying the fact it could be my sticker because thats such a great honor. I saw all the comments from people saying that was so on brand for him and that the sticker was cute and it really made me feel nice about it. Even now i still can't believe he liked it enough to be like welp this is going on the guitar lmao
It goes to show how a simple gesture as using a sticker can mean so much for others, and in this case it really made me feel more confident about it. It makes me wish i could thank him for it, a proper thank you. Seeing how they said they had one of the best tours at my ritual, im sure they're gonna come back at some point, so hopefully by then I'll be able to thank him properly, because this not only helped me with my own self esteem, but also with my art career, as seen as people really liked it and would want stickers too.
And thats what I'll do, hopefully my adhd allows me to lol. But thats basically the gist of it, sorry for the long rant. Theres so much that went on, and so much going on in my mind. I appreciate everyone who's spreading the word, and all the kind words about it. And i appreciate Dew for giving my sticker a special place in his heart. Thank you for reading
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bluiex · 1 year
Note
Word vomiting sounds really funny and there is one idea I can't forget about. So be prepared for a little afternoon ramble about my Watcher Grian headcanon (as well as a little Convexian because I can't handle straight up Angst)
So in my take the Watchers go into full on cruel territory. When they kidnap Grian they permanently take his ability to speak and also blind him. He has massive scars across his eyes and neck because of this. The Watchers reason for that is they want him to completely relay on them to properly function. With the magic they force him to learn he can at least see. But Grian suffers with the knowledge it's not through his own eyes. Although he still tries to learn more in hopes of recovering his voice somehow.
In my story the Watchers actually don't bother caring about him escaping. They already accomplished what they wanted. Grian will never be able to live without their magic being a constant companion and he's forced to cause chaos if he wants to keep it stable. Meaning if the avian wants to see and at some point talk again he will have to follow the rules.
Grian tries his best to cope with that on his own but quickly notices all the differences about himself now. His eyes, once a rich dark brown, are now accompanied by a soft purple that will grow more intense if he wants clear vision. The problem? The better he wants his senses to be, the more his big scars show up. The scars on his neck are an easy fix. His signature red jumper works perfectly for hiding them. But his eyes? He quickly comes to the conclusion that if he wants his perfect bird vision he'll have to live with the marks his tormentors gave him. So he decides on only having the bare minimum of sight. This is why he wears glasses and avoids mirrors at all times.
It's difficult to get used to all that and when the offer reaches him to join the Hermits for season six, he's hesitant at best and anxious at worst. You see, Watchers aren't nice beings. Most people fear or hate them. And their magic now clings to Grian. But seeing his friend Mumbo talk so positiv about the place makes him give in and join.
I like to think it takes Grian a few months to get comfortable and truly open up to the others. Not because of the Hermits being bad, but because he's afraid of messing up and showing everyone what he is (has unwillingly become)
So here's were the Vex boys come into the picture. Vexes and Watchers have a very strained relationship that mostly ends in a lot of death should their paths cross. Scar and Cub are high ranked in their society and have the ability to sense other types of magic. So the moment they see Grian they're furious a Watcher would try and dare to challenge their territory on the server. But that basically lasts for only a couple days. It doesn't take a genius to see a broken bird afraid of taking flight. They actually started to enjoy talking to the avian.
So when they go to confront Grian about being a Watcher, they make the small mistake of showing their Vex forms (they thought that was a saver route then going in defenceless) And Grian? He's full on having a panic attack. He had no idea that Scar and Cub were Vex. He knows how dangerous they are and he's petrified that they found him out so easily. In contrast to them he's untrained in the usage of magic and basically found prey for them.
But of course nothing bad happens. The Vex boys are quick to reassure the terrified avian, apologising for scaring the poor bird. They do everything possibly to calm him down and stay by his side with much needed cuddles after he's not shaking anymore. And even if Grian is a jumbled mess, he's low-key relieved that someone knows what he is without casting him into the void.
Ufff that was a little longer than I anticipated.. But I hope my rambling was entertaining at least. I have more fluff for Convexian in this au so maybe I'll word vomit again-
IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOUR WATCHERS
I hc them being cruel and have very bad morals when it comes to getting people into their ranks- and its my fave seeing others doing the same. and THIS *chefs kiss*
convex being very understand to Gri and calming him down OUGH they'd never hurt their birdie
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spaceyflowers · 1 year
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can u share your backstory for jay (if u want) i am very curious
omg,, you are in for a ride of me making shit up (thank u for showing interest <3!!)
i'll be brainrotting about jay and his family below!!
obligatory disclaimer even if its obvious: I Am Making Shit Up (or at least loosely basing some things on canon), you are free to look away and disagree 😭‼️
ptj wont give us anything about jay i'll do it myself.
this is almost 2k+ words help
×
okay so in my mind jay's general upbringing is the classic "rich kid gets neglected by their parent(s)" story. also yes im assuming his mom is dead because she's never brought up 💔 she died from a natural cause like illness and it's a sore spot in the family to talk about her, especially because she was the closest to jay, who is essentially the black sheep of the family
growing up, jay always had difficulty socializing and speaking as it made him anxious. plus, he was naturally an introvert unlike his older brother, kitae, and younger sister, joy. his parents grew concerned and while his mother was much more sympathetic, his dad felt it was important for jay to learn the necessary life skills of socializing properly so he signed him up for some classes that would supposedly help with that.
steve had good intentions but all it did was make jay close up even more and slightly resent his dad. so, he grew even more quiet, to the point he wouldn't talk at all, which snowballed into selective mutism. he refused to talk to anyone that wasn't his mother or sister, and even then it was rare and would only be in a quiet voice.
his mother was always kind and gentle with jay, never forcing him to talk, but always encouraging him to make friends. joy was too young to understand jay's anxieties with talking, and all her child self knew was that her brother just didn't talk and that was fine to her.
after their mother's passing, jay ended up growing more close to joy because she was really the only one he had left. the two had always got along and been together, and jay thought it was nice being an older brother. he liked joy's bubbly and friendly personality and how they were able to be playfully competitive in a friendly way. it was like their break from the real competitive business world they saw their dad involved in that they knew they would probably get into as they got older.
as for kitae... he's a few years older than the two, so there was always an age difference keeping them apart (jay and joy are like 1-2 years apart, kitae is like 5-7 years apart from them). also as the oldest (and as a guy...), kitae had the most attention on him from steve especially because if steve dies then naturally his business goes into his eldest son's hands. thankfully for him, kitae easily fit the role. because of this, he was almost always busy and going out at a young age to make business connections. he never really connected with his younger siblings and it's never bothered him because he saw they at least had each other.
joy feels very awkward about kitae because despite his laidback personality, he's very much a business man. she's her friendly self around him nonetheless. she does wish they were closer, though. as for jay, he also slightly resents his older brother for not making an effort to be there for his younger siblings and because he reminds him of their dad. but he's fine with him. mostly.
speaking of their dad, steve isn't a bad person but he is kind of a bad dad. he tried his best but unfortunately like many parents, he was very much lacking in the emotional support role. he thought providing his kids the best education, general freedom, and the freedom with a lot of money (as long as they didn't spend it on anything stupid/illegal, of course) was enough to express his love. the one who did fill the emotional support role was the mother...
once again, joy is distant from steve just like kitae, but feels slightly less awkward with him because he's more loose(?) and feels less like a business man than kitae does. jay, like i said before, resents steve for pushing him to talk more rather than hear him out and work through his anxieties with him. their relationship is very strained and only grows worse over the years. meanwhile kitae respects and likes steve.
anyways back to jay; basically his only emotional supports were his mom and sister, otherwise he was left on his own with nothing but money and you can imagine how that impacted his upbringing. when all he had was his sister left, he did his best not to burden her because he felt it would be irresponsible of him to as the older brother. and guess what this does to him? yup, he closes up even more.
the only things that brought him comfort was fashion. it always felt nice to dress up and pick clothes/accessories so that became a hobby for him. he also eventually outgrows his anxiety from basically exposure therapy because he was almost always surrounded by people and got used to socializing, but his selective mutism sticks with him.
due to this, he gave off the appearance of being a cold person despite always meaning well, and this didn't translate well with his pre-teen peers. he spent those years friendless, and began to grow numb to loneliness.
also around middle school, aka the age where people are pretty much the worst versions of themselves (usually unintentionally but you know how [pre-]teens are), jay starts to see harsh bullying in his school and stands up for the victims. he is also inspired to become a doctor because after helping patch up the victims, he discovers a passion for wanting to heal people who are hurt.
anyways because he stood up for bully victims, it results in him getting into fights and unsurprisingly, getting more disappointment from his dad.
"if you're going to beat up people, at least be able to explain why!" is what steve said for a while before he grew tired of lecturing his son. even after jay wrote that the people he's hurting are bullies, steve said, "i'm proud that you're a good person, but i still want you to stay out of trouble."
jay does not listen, and almost continues what he was doing out of spite. the fights give him learning experience, but he wants to help protect people without himself getting... well, beat up. so, he decides to ask the strongest person he knows for some martial arts training: miss sophia.
she agrees, but on the condition that his dad knows because she wouldn't feel comfortable doing something behind her boss's back. jay reluctantly agrees and so does steve when he hears the request. all he does is wave his hand and say, "yeah, yeah, he can do whatever he wants at this point. but if he kills somebody, those consequences are his alone."
so, jay gets training and becomes an expert at systema. he's able to help bully victims without himself getting hurt in the process! he also grows close to sophia, finding comfort in her quietness and amusement with her caring straightforwardness. he even begins to view her as a mother figure.
during jay's middle school to high school transition, he at some point heard his dad say something about how hair dye was "overused by kids these days" so he immediately dyed his hair blonde the next day and smiled when his dad stared. aside from that, he liked the look so he decided to keep it.
beginning his highschool years, jay starts to get more seriously involved with his dad's businesses, only because his dad offered and jay wanted a job to make his own money because he can't just borrow from his dad forever. so, he takes up working/leading positions of some businesses, particularly fashion related ones.
also during this same time, his dad gifts him with his own home as well as a butler to take care of it and to keep jay out of trouble. jay is a little relieved to have his own place. as for the butler (who shall remain unamed ig 💔), he's fine with. jay is very polite to him especially seeing that the butler is a good hearted middle aged man, and always makes sure to thank him and pay him extra for his work.
also while living with this man, jay gets to know him and they bond like family. the butler basically becomes jay's father figure <3 (courtesy of this drawing which i still think about 24/7 💖)
protective of him and viewing him as a rather timid, fragile man, jay is surprised to see the man can actually fight. he discovers this on a night they were out shopping and encountered some random hooligans. jay is ready to defend himself and his butler, but the man holds an arm out and says, "i'm the servant, please allow me to deal with this," before kicking ass in a style jay had yet to see.
jay thanks him and then asks what his martial art was. the butler says its kali arnis and jay asks to be taught that. this is where jay learns his 2nd known martial art.
okay now we're finally nearing present day LMAO jay ends up choosing to go to a high school that isn't top tier because honestly he doesnt care and also it was close to his home and allowed him to dabble in his hobby of fashion. of course, he still made sure to pick classes that would allow him to get into a medical college since his real dream was to become a doctor.
kitae teases him about it ("why would you choose a crappy school~?") and steve has slowly stopped caring about what jay chooses to do since jay's getting older and becoming his own person. joy follows after jay since she's also into fashion and doesnt care about top tier stuff like him.
at the high school, jay acts as he does in middle school, standing up for bully victims but staying friendless and alone since either people felt too nervous in his presence or they got bored.
then he meets daniel and yada yada what happens is what happens in the beginning of lookism except i say that jay is nice and open to everyone (like gifting them expensive things to show his gratitude) instead of only paying attention to daniel and everyone realizes, "oh, jay is a nice person, we just had to be patient with him"
also! the fights and trouble jay continues to get into add more to strain the already strained relationship he has with his dad. the breaking point is when his dad tells him to never call him again after jay gets into a fight due to receiving information from him about the whereabouts of people who were pretending to be his sister.
on a positive note, jay grows even closer to his butler. the butler reassures him he works for him and not steve, so he'll always take his side. jay pretty much calls him his new dad at this point.
and of course throughout all this, jay gets a crush on daniel. im also putting him in zoe's position of crushing on both little and big danny ^_^
ahem anyways [puts my lesbian zoe agenda away] thats a story for another day but yeah this is the backstory and characterization i have for jay! and the reason why i am so emotionally attached to him--because when i think of him, i think of this background and development i put into him! so there's my explanation for anyone wondering why i am so attached to a queer bait side character who isn't even relevant anymore <3
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i dont know when the right time to talk to you again is, but i don’t wanna keep postponing what i need to say.
i've been contemplating on whether i should be staying with you cause im trying to consider whether i feel more happiness or anxiety during the times i spend with you. but im also putting into consideration that you've been my friend for so long and im not gonna easily just decide to throw everything we have away. despite the fact that i feel anxious easily when interacting with you, im not going to forget everything you've done for me and the times you were there for me.
its fun listening to your stories and rants to me, but i keep remembering that i dont feel safe enough with you to experience the same kind of joy if i were to tell my stories and rants as well. that thing is hard for me to deal with. the slightest change in your tone immediately ignites the suffocating anxiety i feel and im not saying this metaphorically. the anxiety i get physically affects me already and i need a break from it.
im scared of admitting that i feel anxious when i spend time with you cause im scared that you’ll get angry. i also dont want you to think that it’s your fault. i want you to know that i am not blaming you for the anxiety i feel, but rather i want to explain that it affected me. i want to explain that because i dont want to get distant out of nowhere without telling you the reason. as much as i want to just not tell you this, i feel like i’d be lying to you. the more i try keeping it in all because im scared of losing you once i get honest, i’ll end up getting consumed by it even more and the way i see you gets distorted. i don’t want to let myself end up only seeing you as someone who makes me anxious.
im gonna make it clear again that it was my past that influenced me to be way too sensitive to it, and the amount of trust i had for you made it affect more than it should've only had. im still trying to figure out what i should change so that i wouldn't get too hurt every time i interact with you, but so far i have only thought of not expecting anything from you and not getting too close nalang. cause if i do that, i wouldn't get hurt over the smallest things, pero yun nga lang, i wouldn't be able to love you to no limits cause that will involve me getting in a vulnerable state.
that’s the only way that i can think of right now where in i can still stay with you without putting me back in a state where i’d be too easily triggered at the same time, but i won’t proceed with that decision if me behaving that way would start affecting you instead. im not gonna ask you to adjust to that if you're not comfortable with it, but tell me what you want me to do or not to do. i dont need an immediate answer if you need time to think. but if you've got questions regarding this, you have every right to ask. id rather answer them and clear them up instead of leaving you confused. and i dont want you to make assumptions.
but me deciding to stay or not will still be influenced by how you’re gonna react to this. i really don’t know how else to say everything i’ve said above properly, but i put a lot of thought into that, gathered up a lot of courage, and tried my best to be careful with the words i use. 
i really have no plans on leaving you as of now, but i need to know what you want me to do. if you just need me to leave you alone for a while, then i’m willing to wait. im going to wait if you just need time, and im gonna answer your questions if you need me to clear up things. but please don’t leave me confused for too long here. 
i know that the things i confessed in my previous message wasn’t pleasant to hear and i’m not expecting you to not feel angry or whatever. im gonna accept how you react or feel about it as long as it’s not you rejecting or disliking how i wanted to tell you how i feel, as long as it’s not directed to the act of me trying to communicate. if you didn’t like me being honest, if me just wanting you to hear out what i feel isn’t something you can’t do for me, then i won’t try being honest with you anymore too. you know that i am very uncomfortable spending time with people that will make me feel like i’m not allowed to communicate and make me feel like i should’ve just stayed quiet. if that’s the case, i can’t stay with you.
but i’m really hoping that isn’t the case. i confessed what was bothering me because i hoped that i would be able to fix it with you. i didn’t say those things to make you feel bad or vent out my pain on you. im sorry if that’s how you received it though. but back to what i’m trying to say, i really need to know whether you just need me to leave you alone or if you didn’t like me getting honest before i decide on what i’ll do. i don’t want this to only be about me, i want you to also tell me how you feel so i can adjust for you too. i want you to ask whatever you need to know because i want to make sure that things will be clear.
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daidoruyume · 1 year
Text
Chapter 12 Meeting the not so idol-like idols
I'd say I'm quite lucky. I study in a nice university, I have a good job, I live in a pretty good apartment and, oh, don't envy me, but the idol I've been stanning for years, my absolute favorite one, is my girlfriend. Try beating that! I woke up to her voice, since it was my ringtone. Once I checked my phone, I saw there were messages waiting for me.
good morning 🌞
did you sleep well? 😴 
let's have a nice day today too
i can't wait to spend some time with you
and to introduce you to the girls
good morning!!
i did… and you?
im very excited for today…
i still can't believe this
i was a little anxious but i did sleep well eventually 
well, you better believe it
because i will make you the happiest girl in the world
❤️
you're very flirty aren't you
i like that though
hehe
i hope we get the opportunity to flirt a lot
i have practice now 😞 
i'll send you some pictures later
exclusive content you can't have even in the fanclub
when are you free today?
i'll be looking forward to that!!!
i don't have work today so right after lunch
again im very excited
kay
i will have someone pick you up so dw
im excited too 
i have to introduce you as a friend though 
if you dont mind that
it's okay
it's better to be careful
so tge don't know you're gay?
not yet but I'll tell them soon
and then i will introduce you properly
i promise
sure♡
i'll be your #1 supporter
you're the sweetest girl ever
that's why i love you so much
uhhh
gtg :(((((
will be back soon tho
plz never hesitate to send me a message 
i'll be waiting for it
♡♡♡
i won't ♡
i have classes soon 😩 
enjoy your work day♡dont push yourself too hard
you're really good at this support thing
you too
 I went back to my routine and did everything I had to do… with a lot of happiness in my heart.
☆☆☆
  My classmates didn't know, but I was the luckiest girl on Earth. I guess my happiness couldn’t be helped. I tried my best to pay attention to classes, but I Kept thinking about how my day would go. After a few hours, that same car from yesterday brought me to the place Miyuu chose. I was thinking about what to tell that complex-looking woman when she started speaking.
 "You know... Miyuu is a very special girl. I haven't been the best mom ever, but she is the best daughter out there. She is quite annoying at times, and she stands by her youthful and somewhat foolish world peace ideals, but she is extremely sincere. She cries like a baby so often that it just bothers everyone around her, but she can make even a person like me smile. She loves you dearly. I know she would never fall in love with someone that didn't click with her, and with whom she couldn't have a reciprocal relationship, but I have to warn you, Mikami-san." She spoke so beautifully, So I waited for the next pretty words. "If you break her heart, I will find you and break both of your legs." She seemed serious, but washed it off with a laugh. This woman… We arrived, with me being unable to reply. 
 I was sent to the same room as yesterday, and had to wait for a few minutes. Soon, Miyuu entered the room quite softly.  
"Sorry to leave you waiting."
"I-it's okay! H-how have you been?" I was still anxious, it seemed.
"Fine. Practice was tough, though. And you?"
"Also f-fine… I've been waiting for this moment the whole day." I wished Miyuu came closer to me, then I realized I could take those steps myself. So one, two, three steps later, I was closer to her. 
"S-so, c-can I hug you?" For someone that had kissed me twice, that was too cute. I opened my arms, inviting her.
☆☆☆
 We talked for a while, and soon the girls arrived. I had met them before, but only as their idol-selves. And Miyuu warned me, saying they could be a little... too much? The story Miyuu told me she would go by is that we became friends in the infirmary that day, because if she said we just met out of nowhere, they could remember I was a fan. 
 "Miyuukiii~. So, you're introducing her?"
"Y-yeah…" She gave me a sign to introduce myself.
"I'm Mikami Yuuka. You can call me Yuu-chan. I have been a fan for a long time, but Miyuu-san and I were able to become friends…"
"Please be nice to her, she's a really good girl." That made me blush a little…
"Well, Miyuu-kun has friends outside of the group? That's a miracle." Rin said, laughing. "God, you're gonna hate idols after meeting the real me." That scared me a little.
"I'm really happy my sister has a friend! She can be hard to understand sometimes, so be patient." Said Anna.
 They talked to me one by one as if it was my personal MC session. But, when it came to Yume…
"Yumecchi, you're not gonna say anything?"
"Huh! That's a new low for you, she has absolutely no class. The way she dresses, that hairstyle… and going on a diet would be good for you, Mi-something-san." Wait, what…?
"Ugh, d-don't mind her, she's just joking." Miyuu had a troubled face, and Yume had left. 
"She's always like that… Seriously, that girl gets on my nerves. Yuu-chan, you're very welcome to the family and we're so happy you're in her life. Miyuu talked about you ever since the concert, nonstop. Please don't mind Yumeko-san." Keiko said wisely. Her words did hurt me, but I remained strong. I was able to talk freely to the other girls afterwards, and the pain eased.
 Those words, I’ve heard countless times before, from people who claimed to love me and for people who explicitly hated me. But I still had this more pure image of Yume, that was destroyed in a few seconds. I got to learn that their relationship isn’t really good, and that her “chara” of being sometimes curt or mean to the other girls isn’t actually a chara, but she being herself. Again, I felt bad, but the other girls’ kindness compensated for my pain. 
 They are a little different than the idols I knew. Rin is… she is very sincere and straightforward, but half of her vocabulary is swear words or… filthy, indecent stuff. Like, she says it all so fluently. Ayumi is just as shy, but also shines so much when she has the opportunity to talk about her academic life. Keiko really does act like the mom of the group, and is really cute to see. But she also doesn’t restrain herself so much when compared to how she’s onstage. Satomi is more playful, I think they let themselves be more free… Anna is pretty much the same, I’ll admit. Yuzu is a little like Rin, and I swear to God she was hitting on me…? Maybe my confidence skyrocketed because of Miyuu, but she was really flirty and Miyuu got all defensive. It was kind of cute. 
 We had a lot of fun talking, and then we went to the kitchen where Keiko started cooking for us. She said she wanted me to taste her food, and that she was really excited for that. I was really happy. They brought in a guitar and Satomi started playing it, while they sang acoustic versions of their songs. It felt really good to have people I have been following one-sidedly to finally perceive me as a person. The Yume incident aside, I felt very blessed. Happily, we ate the great meal she had cooked us and it felt overall very warm and comforting. 
 One by one they left, only Anna remained there and I assumed they lived with their family. She went to her room and Miyuu took me to hers. It was… very Miyuu-like, I guess. Many anime posters, lots of photos of the girls, very yellow (her favorite color). Her wardrobe, despite being an idol, was very simple, and she told me there were some fabrics she simply couldn’t wear, and that she liked the combo of pants and rock T-shirts. It suited her, I guess. That photo we took remained in a special place, in great view, as soon as you entered the room. The chekis we took in events were also placed in special places in my own home, but I felt like I was too crazy of a fan for her to see, at least for now. I didn’t know if she would be happy or not with how otaku I was when it came to midnight. 
 “So… sorry for that, earlier, she… she has it tough, okay?” Miyuu sat on her bed, and signed me to sit with her.
“S-sorry… I don’t feel really comfortable… sitting down on your bed.” Miyuu blushed, and I did too, so I explained it to her. “I have OCD… I don’t really like sitting on my bed with clothes I went out with, and I would feel bad if I were to sit in yours, even if you don’t mind it.” I felt a little silly…
“T-that’s okay! Uhh, can you sit in this chair here? It’s not that comfortable, though.” 
“I-it’s fine! Thanks… for understanding…” 
“It’s okay… I’ll always understand your don’ts and won’ts. Don’t worry, ‘kay?” She reassured me. “B-but I really want to tell you to not hold a grudge… Yumecchi is hard to understand… I think I came to understand her pretty well, but she’s very uneasy. Time will make you two friends, I promise.” 
“That’s okay… like, it made me upset and all, but… I’ve been through it before. Many people have been like this to me. I’m not new to that.” I replied quite sadly.
“M-me too… and I’ll scold her, and talk her through it… but… I shouldn’t tell anyone this, but she grew up with a very abusive mother… so much so that she blames her for all of the bad things that have happened with her, so it’s not a surprise she would turn out like this. She doesn’t really know kind words and love.” Miyuu was a very empathic person…
“I will do my best to not think bad things about her. But I want you to tell her she crossed the line, those aren’t things you tell people. Especially if this person has always wished for your best.”
“O-of course.” Miyuu held my hands and gave me a little smile. “I’ll… I’ll always protect you, Yuu-chan…” That made me really, really happy. “T-there’s something I want to give you.”
“S-sure… what is it?”
“Close your eyes?” I did, and in a matter of seconds, I felt Miyuu’s soft lips melt into mine. “S-sorry, it’s not the kiss… you just looked so cute, I couldn’t contain myself.” Oh, Miyuu… I giggled and waited for what she had for me. “S-see, I’m an artist, right? I have this… please don’t find it creepy or anything like that.” She placed something in my hands, and then I opened my eyes. It was a purple wooden box, very decorated. I opened it, and there were many drawings of me. 
“Oh…”
“I-it’s okay if you don't like it… I just have been drawing you over the years, and I kept it here, a-and… wait, don’t cry!” I didn’t realize I was crying until she said that… it was really, so pretty… I felt so loved… I hurried up and gave her a hug. 
“It’s the cutest thing anyone has ever done to me… and you’re so skilled, Micchan…” 
“You think so?”
“Yeah…” She hugged me back. “Can we stay like this for a while?”
“I was going to ask you that, actually…” I could smell her sweet, delicate scent… she was also a great hugger, I was so happy. I wondered what she thought of me. Seemed to be only good things, from how tight she kept me into her arms. “Yuu-chan…” She called for me, her voice muffled by my shoulder. 
“Y-yes?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“You don’t… you don’t have to ask for it. You can just kiss me anytime.” I tried to be more assertive.
“R-right.” Her face grew closer to mine, and I closed my eyes, anticipating the kiss. It felt like I was in the embrace of an angel… w-well, not that you should be kissing angels anyways, but Miyuu had this… aura, something I couldn’t come up with words for. Something only she had… For the first time, her tongue entered my mouth. I was caught by surprise, but I understood Miyuu was a very passionate person, not just when it came to performing. I let her have her way with me, like it felt it would be a waste to do otherwise. She slowly but quite boldly pinned me to the wall, and her kiss was even more intense than before. I felt like I was melting into her, and I was surely running out of breath. She stopped for a moment and that gave me the opportunity to breathe, but when I thought it was over, our lips met again... It felt magical, and maybe I was a little scared too, but it was a good experience overall. 
 Miyuu had a strong grip on my body, as if she was claiming me. I couldn’t help but feel like my soul was about to be separated from my body… I loved her so much, I had wished for this to come true for so long… and I had her, right there… she was a little rough, although gentle at the same time, if… if that made any sense. I felt like my brain cells were giving in. She parted our lips again, and looked at me with an expression I have never seen before.
“S-sorry for being so… impulsive…”
“I-it’s okay.” I didn’t mind my own words, still quite numb from the sensations of our kissing, so I said: “I’ve fantasized about this for so long anyways”, without realizing those words had actually left my mouth. Instant regret. Miyuu opened her eyes and stared at me for a few seconds.
“You have?”
“W-well, I…” Would I ever have the courage to tell her I even wrote fanfictions of us two? Wasn’t that, like, too much? I felt like a loser and this time my soul had definitely left my body! “P-please forget that…” 
“I don’t want to rush… but whenever I’m with you, my brain doesn’t really work!” She confessed. “I wish I could be with you 24/7.” So that’s the effects of being separated for so long, huh?
“Me too… but I don’t think that kissing me like this is rushing… I think it’s okay.” Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too in love to think straight. But we both wanted it, right?
“R-really?” 
“Y-yeah!” Before I could say anything else, Miyuu kissed me again… it was quite late when I got home, but I guess it was worth it… Miyuu was very talented, after all, so her being a great kisser wasn’t a surprise at all. She was just perfect in every way. And she was my girlfriend… I squirmed in bed, thinking of that, before I could fall asleep. Needless to say, we met in our dreams again…
 End of Part I.
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lorei-writes · 3 years
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Fandom Spaces Online & Minors
This is one of those posts that are hard to type due to the complexity of the issue. Some may say it’s been long overdue, some that there isn’t even a reason for me to type it out — and honestly, I am not sure whether either of those approaches is “righter” than the other one.
Regardless, this post is more so addressed to minors who may follow me.
(Summary at the bottom).
So, where to begin? Maybe at the very core, which for today is adult content in fiction, or to be more precise — so-called “smut”. As you might have seen, I did write some pieces which fall into this category, although it’s by far not the dominant type of content on my blog. 
I have never spoken before about this issue, because I considered it pretty self-explanatory. This is not brought forward by anything in particular either. However, today I thought that perhaps a couple words would not hurt.
Adult content is by far not the main focus of my blog, and as with anything which may be potentially triggering or otherwise inappropriate for viewers of a certain age, I do try my best to mark it accordingly. Works which do fall into this category, when listed on my masterlist, are described as either “smut” or NSFW even before you click into them. As for any trigger I mention, I do work under the assumption that you do know whether it is appropriate for you to read something — and whether it isn’t. 
You must be aware that any NSFW fiction you might have read online is only the fantasy of the author. No matter how close to reality they try to stay, it’s just the fantasy. Humans are sets of immense amount of variables and what may be true for one person may not even be a thing for another one. I do know that sexual education isn’t really available in plenty countries. I do know curiosity is spiking during puberty and such — and I would be damned if I stuck to saying “no” without saying “why”.
You see, as I’ve said, NSFW works are fantasies of the authors. They do not have to be correct in details, they don’t have to display “standard situations” (whatever those could be), they do not have to meet any sort of criteria… And honestly, plenty of times, they do include harmful beliefs, stereotypes, misinformation, simplifications, or work under some (unrealistic) assumptions to make something work in a given setting. Now, this isn’t a major issue for adult viewers — more often than not, they do possess some sort of experience which can act as a filter. Adults are usually capable of distinguishing between purely unrealistic elements, plenty can see hurtful messages, they aren’t influenced by those too much.
Minors, on the other hand? You lack this sort of experience. Those are things you may be learning later on in your life. Now, it isn’t to say that what you would read would with 100% certainty become a standard for you — but the chances of that happening aren’t zero either. The thing is, reading NSFW works may not hurt you instantly. It is only that you may learn some hurtful things from them, which you will later have to unlearn. They may set unrealistic standards for you, they may give you a wrong idea about something. Acting based on those later on in life may lead to disappointments or, in worse cases, to being hurt. In other words: you lack tools to navigate through nuances of this sort of fiction. This is fine. It isn’t meant for you. You have time to grow and shouldn’t rush it.
Now, to give a SFW example. Let’s say, character A passionately kissing sleeping character B on the lips. First issue is consent. A sleeping person cannot give consent to anything, much less to a passionate kiss — and I think we all can agree on that. But here start the problems. What we can read is still only the fantasy of the author. What are the standards for the relationship described in the story, what are the standards of the author, why they wrote it this way in the first place — it’s all very individualistic and we do not have access to that information. Then, there is a narration. The words we choose make a world of difference. The action above can be presented in both negative and positive way.
Let’s say person B isn’t consenting to being kissed like so. We will most likely be able to say it’s wrong and shouldn’t be allowed — at least if we were introduced to what consent is and why it matters. Being accustomed to the concept of consent before reading the scene is what provides us with the framework to judge whether it’s okay or not to do something. Imagine if the concept at play was something foreign to you, and even though it made you feel uncomfortable, it was presented as something completely normal and positive. It can be confusing, right?
And with NSFW things? You will most likely lack this sort of framework — maybe (hopefully) not necessarily in terms of consent itself, but factual things, expectations, risks certain actions may carry, preferences. If you are curious, do look for educational content. I know there is plenty of it online — and that was in my native language alone, not to mention English. Give yourself time to grow and never let fanfiction serve as the lone source of information for you on that matter. Check whether the information is cited in other places too. My intention isn’t to shame you, but to remind you that fanfiction isn’t an educational resource. It’s okay to be curious. It’s only that curiosity should be satiated with appropriate measures — the same way most people would pick water over alcohol to quench their thirst, even though technically both are liquid.
Lastly, I would like to state that I will not chase after you. I do believe you are responsible enough not to interact with content which isn’t meant for you. This isn’t an open invitation to read it, no. This also isn’t an invitation to prove to me that you are of appropriate age — I have honestly no way of verifying the truthfulness of such a statement, and I’m glad I don’t. (Not for accountability reasons, but because I think it would step too deep into a person’s privacy). I am aware of the fact that this may be wishful thinking. However, I also know I have only limited control over the situation — after all, I am sure there are people who read my work and otherwise leave nothing behind, either here or on Ao3.
Summary:
You shouldn’t read NSFW fiction not because you are a minor, but because (as a minor) you lack the framework to navigate through it — you are unlikely to be able to spot inaccuracies depicted in it, misinformation, stereotypes, and otherwise hurtful messages. This may affect the expectations and standards you have later on in life — it could lead to disappointment and, in worse cases, being hurt.
This isn’t about intelligence. You will simply lack the necessary experience. This is fine. Give yourself time to grow and learn.
NSFW fiction is just fantasy of the author and may have very little to do with the reality.
NSFW works should never, never, never replace proper age-appropriate sex-education. Even if an author tries to stay true to the reality, it is still just their fantasy and inaccuracies may occur. Authors are not educators. 
Puberty does spike up the curiosity in regard to sex. Especially if you did not have any sort of sexual education — do not replace it with fanfiction. Do look for resources online. Do make sure to check whether the source is credible, or whether the information is cited in other places too. It is okay to be curious, but again, fanfiction isn’t an educational resource. 
It isn’t humanly possible for authors to check every single person interacting with their work and to verify whether they’re a minor with 100% accuracy. Tags and warnings do exist for a reason. You must take responsibility for your experience online and, the same way you wouldn’t interact with triggering content, you shouldn’t interact with things which are potentially harmful to you.
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whereeammii · 2 years
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a wip i can’t seem to be able to finish. im nervous to post it in case i didn’t get his character right because halek is hard for me to grasp entirely but i don’t think it’s half bad?
halek prince x f!mc (aeryn ittai)
italicized lines taken directly from the shoh demo by the brilliant @shepherds-of-haven
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After all the danger, all the stumbling in the dark, Aeryn thought that for once in her tragic life she would be grateful to feel the touch of snow. Feel the cool, crisp air against her back. Inhale a breath of oxygen that doesn’t feel heavy and leaden with death.
Uncharacteristically, she was wrong.
As soon as she is pulled from the cave, her hands and knees on the ground, the snow begins to soak her clothes. The wind chill bites at her nose, her cheeks, her exposed ears. Instead, she feels even more like death.
But then Halek is there. The weight off her back lifts and it is all Aeryn can do from falling over right there beside him.
His hands, slender and soothing, cup her face. She can feel the warmth of his breath on her lips like a sip of fresh water.
"I could kiss you right now, you god-sent Shepherd!”
Against her will, the muscles of her face contort into what she’s sure must be a clumsy display of a smile. She tries to open her eyes to see him but is blinded by the light and closes them back again. She settles for leaning forward to allow herself rest against his forehead. Halek continues to offer praise, seemingly unaware of this.
“…You've done it. You've saved my people."
A smirk curls her lips apart but she is far too relieved to properly play coy. “A kiss, you said? Well, don’t let me stop you.”
Faintly, she registers some sort of sound from Naolin behind her. In her exhaustion she cannot tell if it is derision or exasperation. Halek chuckles and she feels suddenly as though she may melt right into him.
“Perhaps another time.”
That, she thinks, is where it started. Her…fondness of him. Her curiosity about him. Never had she been one to pursue yet whenever she could, there she was. Smirking and teasing and asking.
Aeryn thrums with an anxious excitement whenever he is near. Insatiable curiosity had always been more of Red’s fatal flaw yet she found herself unable to care. Soon, a dance began to form between them. A stolen look across the courtyard, a smirk more sincere as a parting gift, secret nights spent trading playful comments and wistful hypotheticals.
Some might say that their relationship seemed to change overnight. Aeryn doesn’t think so. Since the moment she met him she’d say there was something there. She’s not sure what exactly but something so palpable and tangible she felt she could reach out and touch it.
The night was warm as she stepped out into it. Nights like these aren’t uncommon for her. Sleep is elusive on the best of days. Frankly, she’s just grateful it keeps the nightmares away.
She only meant to take a stroll around the compound, maybe expel the rest of her energy with the task. Her feet sink into the grass, still wet with the remnants of the day’s rain. The heel of her shoes click quietly against the stone floor when she crosses the courtyard. She turns a corner to head to the kitchen but is stopped by a tall, looming figure already slumped against the wall.
Neither of them say a word—likely trying to gauge each other out. No features can be discerned in the darkness until the clouds part to allow the moonlight to illuminate their face.
He takes a slow drag from his cigar, blowing the smoke past his lips. “You’re up late.” Is all he says in greeting.
Aeryn snorts in dry amusement and looks pointedly at the cigar dangling between his fingers. “And you’re smoking? In this heat? Seriously, Halek?”
The Hunter merely shrugs and Aeryn frowns as the smoke reaches her nostrils. The smell burns them slightly and she turns away from it. “What?” He smirks and she can hear the tease in his tone. “You going to lecture me on my health and performance the way Blade does?”
She rolls her eyes and leans back against the opposite wall, crossing her arms casually. “Please, you know I could care less what other people do with their time.”
Halek hums in apparent agreement.
“What are you doing out here, anyway?”
“I thought you didn’t care what other people do with their time?”
She closes her mouth, swallowing her initial objection and clicks her tongue. He smirks and takes another drag. This time, he tips his face up to blow the smoke in a different direction and she tries not to pay attention to pale barred skin of his throat. Hael, she must be insane. That’s all she knows. This is also the moment she notices his state of undress.
His buttons unbuttoned all the way to his chest, his hair messy and uncontrolled like he’s just rolled out of bed. His shirt even gently billows through a suspiciously well-timed breeze.
It’s rather unfair.
Aeryn scowls at his quip—or rather it’s truthfulness—and Halek stomps out his cigar with a bored sigh. “I came down for something to eat,” he explains, gesturing down the corridor towards the kitchens. “Nothing nefarious.”
“Oh, good,” She teases, her voice shifting a small octave higher. “I’m so relieved.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Halek dismisses her sarcastic tone and pushes his hands into his pockets. “What about you?”
Aeryn can only shrug in response. “Couldn’t sleep. Went for a walk.”
“Aren’t we just lucky then.”
“Lucky, huh?” She smirks, her posture immediately loosening and shifting into something more open and inviting. Her body turns to face him properly as though pulled towards him.
His own lips curl into something similarly devious. A piece of stray moonlight catches on his eyes causing them to shine. “I’d say so. Wouldn’t you?”
Her feet take compelled steps forward, bringing her closer to him. He looks down at her as she does, content to watch her as she settles beside him.
“Halek,” she begins, licking her dry lips briefly and his eyes dip down, drawn to the movement. “What is it, exactly, that you’re hoping will happen here?”
This time he inches closer, his pale eyes wandering over the apple of her cheeks, the slope of her nose, the rustling of her hair by the breeze. Her chest swells with a heavy inhale that gets stuck in her lungs. All thoughts leave her brain as they hesitate there, suspended in the moment.
She forgets how long they’ve been standing there when Halek speaks again. “I imagine it’s whatever you’re thinking about, Aeryn.”
Somehow, she manages to grin. “I hope so.”
Her patience runs out and she pushes up onto her toes to meet him halfway.
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elysianslove · 3 years
Note
Please wrote more surrogate fics please . could I request one with SakuAtsu or could you just start a series on these. If you'd me comfortable with that. That on IwaOi surrogate fic brought me so much joy. I can't even describe it.
oh my goodness i’d love to!!! it makes me so happy knowing you liked it cause like,,, idk why it’s just special to me :) also im so glad you asked for sakuatsu bc these two ships are basically my favorite jhfgbsj. and yesyes i’d love to have a mini series with like little scenarios of each ship <333
this was insanely long. like insanely. 
content warning; artificial insemination, pregnancy, haikyuu manga spoilers, gay people being happy idk 
being iwaoi’s surrogate 
BEING SAKUATSU’S SURROGATE 
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↬ it took forever to even get them together, so with a duo as indecisive as them, it’s imaginable how long the decision to raise a child together took. it took a long, long while for that transition from enemies to lovers to be final, and even then, they hadn’t realized how serious their relationship was until they were off getting married and then suddenly wanting a child? 
↬ it was something atsumu brought up out of the blue, just casually as they sat side by side on the couch. “wouldn’t it be nice if we raised a child together?” and it stuck with sakusa ever since. he didn’t know why he was obsessively thinking about it as much, but it’s all he could think about. literally. anytime he so much as thought about atsumu with a child, and a child of their own too, his stomach did a thousand and one flips. sakusa was never the biggest fan of children, and he knew that neither was atsumu. but, this would be different, wouldn’t it? Still, he tried to remind himself of the cons; they were pro-athletes, they didn’t have time, they didn’t understand the weight of the responsibility, were they even ready for something like that? somedays it was too tiring to take care of themselves, of each other. were they ready to be responsible for a whole life, someone dependent entirely on them? it seemed too— unrealistic. like something he could only hope to dream about, and just dream about.
↬ until he thought of atsumu with a little kid, a spit image of either one of them, sitting on his lap, giggling and laughing and squealing in glee. and so he decided, there will always be cons, he just has to see if the pros outweighed them. and honestly, they did. they were pro-athletes, sure, but that also meant they were financially stable, and could provide for a child, properly. they were mature now, knew each other very well, and had adapted to living with one another. they had family and friends all around. the kid would for sure grow up loved and cared for, and him and atsumu would add another person to their family. it really seemed like a dream, but this time, an attainable one.
↬ so as he ate dinner with his lover, he blurted out, “let’s raise a child together,” and atsumu honest to god choked on his food. he asked sakusa if he was serious, if he meant it, if this was real, and sakusa’s answer was yes to every single one of his question. yes, he was serious; yes, he meant it; yes, this was real. as real as can be.
↬ they both already knew they wanted a surrogate, and it didn’t matter who was the father. so long as the child was theirs.
↬ finding a surrogate was, well, a pain, to put it into perspective. sakusa was so picky about the “requirements,” if you will, and atsumu was suspicious of every single woman, it was kind of ridiculous really. he just “didn’t trust that they wouldn’t run away with the baby!” in his words. atsumu suggested sakusa’s older sister, which seemed perfect in his head, but sakusa refused, claiming it was 1. extremely weird, and 2. he doubted she’d say yes, with her own life to handle.
↬ and it finally, finally, came to atsumu: he could always just ask, well, you. he had met you during his college years, and since then, he’d been coincidentally crossing paths with you ever since then, and you’d even managed their msby jackals team at some point. it was weirdly ironic how he’s coming back to you, kind of like fate.
↬ so he suggested it to sakusa, and for once, the latter didn’t really have any way to object, except, “what if this inconveniences her?” other than that, you were the perfect candidate. they knew you well, trusted you, knew they could rely on you. and atsumu was sure you wouldn’t run with the baby. with regards to the inconvenience part, well, they could always just deal with that when the time came.
↬ they invited you over for some breakfast two days later, after they’d thought about it properly, endlessly, and figured you were their best option. it was weird seeing them so nervous when you first arrived, like they were breaking up with you or something. atsumu barely ate with how nauseous he felt, and sakusa spent the entire time watching you eat instead, hands fidgeting and legs shaking. it was really weird, but you didn’t bring it up, letting them take their own time to tell you whatever it was they wanted to tell you, because obviously, they clearly had something to say.
↬ after breakfast, you sat in their living room, just watching the tv quietly, until sakusa offered to get you some water. you weren’t really thirsty, but you agreed anyways, unsurprised to see atsumu rise from his own seat a minute later with a, “be right back,” as he headed to the kitchen. you could hear them bickering and whisper-yelling, and if you weren’t starting to grow as nervous as they were, you would’ve had it in you to laugh. they returned looking like they were bearing the most daunting of news, sitting down on the couch perpendicular to you. atsumu’s hands were sweaty and intertwined tightly together, while sakusa tried to remain as composed as possible. it seemed like the dark haired man would speak up, finally, parting his mouth with a deep breath.
↬ but it’s atsumu that blurts out, “please have my baby!— our baby. please have our baby.”
↬ honestly, your first response was to laugh, in disbelief, as you clutch your glass of water. but then you see their faces — god they looked so goddamn scared — and you realized that, they were really serious. they really wanted you to carry their baby for them. holy shit?—
↬ you were mostly speechless after that, stuttering as you ask them to please explain, you’re honored but are they are, have they thought about this? properly? in depth?
↬ to your surprise, they really knew what they were doing. they’d done their research, and thought about a million other options before deciding that you were the best one. they also repeatedly told you that you didn’t have to do this, and that they didn’t want to guilt-trip you into doing it either. they wanted you to say yes only if you yourself wanted to say yes, and if this wouldn’t negatively affect you or halt your life in any way. you were the one that was going to be carrying the baby anyways, weren’t you? at the end of the day, this was all about you.
↬ you asked them for time to think about it, and reminded them that it wasn’t a no. you just wanted to make sure you were making the right decision whichever that ended up being. a few days later, you call them, asking them to meet up one way or another, and atsumu’s even more nervous than he was asking you; not even sakusa’s gentle lips to his temple or large hands soothingly rubbing at his back or his kind words could help him. sakusa himself was insanely anxious. in his head, it seemed like your ‘no,’ would finalize everything. that it would really mean no hope in having a child of their own, their very own.
↬ you invite them over to your home, and the kettle is already boiling when they arrive. you make them tea and make small talk if only to delay the inevitable. but, to each of their surprises, you take a deep breath and say, “i’d be honored to carry your baby for you,” with the brightest, warmest smile. sakusa has to bite his inner cheek to will himself to not cry, because he can’t believe you said yes. you agreed. you’re going to carry their baby. him and atsumu were having a baby.
↬ atsumu doesn’t stop himself from throwing his arms around you, collapsing on top of you in tight hug that you kind of can’t breathe, but you let him, and you laugh when he thanks you for saying yes, that he’ll “be forever in your debt.”
↬ it’s the happiest you’ve seen either of them.
↬ when you’re done with the process of insemination (of course, atsumu does joke that the three of you should go the natural way and have a threesome, to which he earns a smack from his lover and a smack from you, at the same time), the three of you just have to wait, really. it’s the longest period of waiting you’ve ever had to do, but you try to be patient, as patient as you can be. when you wake up one morning and throw up, you look at your period tracking app to see if maybe you were pms’ing. except, you weren’t. you were late. like a good three weeks late.
↬ immediately, you’re booking a doctor’s appointment. you wait to tell sakusa and atsumu after confirming your suspicions, because you don’t want to raise their hopes up for nothing. they’ve already been swimming in a pool of doubts ever since the insemination, calling you everyday to check up on you and ask for any progress. when the doctor confirms your pregnancy — holy shit you were pregnant — the first thing you do is go over to their house. you know it’s not the best idea to show up unannounced, but with how long they’ve been waiting, and how much they’ve been wanting this, the more and more you fed into it, you couldn’t wait any longer to tell them. you arrive, and the moment sakusa opens the door for you, you gasp out, “i’m pregnant.”
↬ sakusa’s quite literally frozen in shock, his mouth pressed in a thin line with eyes wide open, while atsumu walks over and goes, “oh hey,” in greeting before noticing sakusa’s face and just ???? “what’s going on?”
↬ “i’m pregnant.”
↬ “you’re what?”
↬ you show them with tears stinging your eyes the results of the test you’d taken at the doctor’s, and atsumu grips the report so tightly, like it’ll disappear if it slips only slightly from his hands. sakusa’s still in shock, trying to process everything. it takes him a good while before he can function properly again.
↬ the pregnancy itself is a lot smoother than you’d imagined. iwaizumi, as their athletic trainer, although not well versed with pregnancy, knew a lot about health and taking care of yourself in general, so he made sure you were always eating right and healthy. he even accompanied you once when sakusa and atsumu couldn’t, to the doctor, and made sure to ask him specifically what you should and shouldn’t be eating. all of the olympic/national team are more excited than anything. they’re insanely protective over you, and always pamper and care for you you when they can, whether that be back/neck/shoulder massages or giving you their food when they notice you eyeing it or letting you lean entirely on any of them for support as you walk. granted, they do make fun of you, especially the bigger your stomach got, but they mean well, really. suna once made fun of you and, because of the hormones, and because he was genuinely just mean, you started to cry. since then, suna swore off bullying you, at least until you gave birth.
↬ osamu is beyond ecstatic to become an uncle. he’s so excited it makes atsumu incredibly emotional. he goes with his brother on trips to ikea to buy a crib and gifts him an insane amount of baby clothes and always begins a conversation with, “how’s the baby?” every time you’re around, osamu’s hand can be found resting on your stomach, soothingly rubbing, excitedly grinning when he feels a kick. he is just so happy for his brother, he could cry.
↬ you ask them if they want a gender reveal when you find out or to keep it until the delivery of the baby, but they’re both insanely impatient (even though sakusa does try to convince atsumu to wait because it’ll be exciting, he himself isn’t even that convinced of that and they just ask you to tell them). with the help of osamu and his and atsumu’s parents, you organize a gender reveal party. the moment he sees the pink smoke, atsumu cheers so loudly it makes you laugh till your stomach hurt. sakusa’s grinning wider than you’ve ever seen him, grabbing atsumu’s face and kissing him, before pulling you into a tight hug. it’s literally the cutest thing ever, everyone just cheering loudly around you and celebrating with you.
↬ when you go into labor, you’re with neither of them, but with osamu, aran, and kita. they were staying the night at a hotel since they had training away from where they lived, and you were spending the night at osamu’s because the fathers of your baby really didn’t want you to be alone so close to your due date, and who better than osamu? your water didn’t break, but you kept having contractions. you were brushing it off as normal pain at the start, but they started to get worse, and closer together in time. kita, because he’s kita, had been keeping track, and told you how far apart your contractions were. to which you went, “contractions?!”
↬ aran’s calling sakusa and atsumu as kita grabs your bag as osamu grabs his keys and helps you to his car. you really couldn’t have been around a better set of men, because they were perfectly composed the whole time, helping you breathe and stay calm by staying calm themselves, reassuring you that you didn’t need to worry and that you will get to the hospital in time. they did flinch every time you screamed or cried out in pain, but aran held your hand the entire drive there, and kita guided you to steadying yourself as osamu drove as fast as he could.
↬ the issue was with sakusa and atsumu. to say they were freaking out would be an understatement. they were positively losing it. atsumu’s anxiety was louder than sakusa’s, but the latter’s was clear as ever on his pale skin and clammy hands. they were so annoying in the delivery room, literally faring worse off than you, who was pushing a whole baby out of her body. when you finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl, atsumu sobbed and sakusa cried in his hands, so maybe it was alright after all.
↬ they literally couldn’t believe their eyes when the nurse handed you the baby and placed her on your chest. she was so, so tiny, so beautiful, and theirs. honestly, you couldn’t hold back your own tears at the sight of her, and at their reaction to her. you held her in your arms as they thanked you, over and over and over again, for the biggest blessing they could ever receive.
↬ despite the fact that you were simply their surrogate, sakusa and atsumu knew they couldn’t just separate you and your baby, and neither could they just take her home all of a sudden. so for the first few months, you stayed in their guest room, but the baby slept in her own room. it was more difficult than you expected it to be when you were leaving her to go back to your own home, but they promised you repeatedly that they’re not really taking her away. it wasn’t as if you couldn’t visit at any time you wanted to come visit her. but at the end of the day, you knew what you had been signing up for, and that she was their daughter.
↬ she grows up to be a gorgeous woman. she’s interested in volleyball, sure, she’d been raised with volleyball players everywhere around her, but it’s not her immediate passion. atsumu thought he’d be more upset about that than he actually was, because he found out that it didn’t matter at all what she wanted to do. hell, if she wanted to do nothing at all and stay home forever with them, he was 100% on board with that. whatever made her happy and healthy, he was okay with. she grows up to be really close and really comfortable with both of her fathers, and they make sure with every passing day that no matter what, she can always come to them. and she does, about every little thing. and each and every time, they listen and advice and guide her properly. a s parents, they’re a perfect balance of strict and lenient. they set and raise her to never cross those boundaries, but otherwise they give her complete freedom. they respect her privacy, her decisions, everything.
↬ there was a day when she came back home from school, and they had taken a biology class for kids, where a teacher had explained periods to them. obviously, as curious as ever, she’d asked her dads about it, because she didn’t really get it. she wanted to know the how’s and the why’s and the what’s and the when’s. with every passing second atsumu had felt his lifespan shorten. eventually he suggested they call you, who she knew as her ‘aunt’ for the time being, since you were a woman and nobody would really explain it better than you. when she did get her period eventually, and had to sheepishly and shyly ask her dads to go to the store for her because she needed, um, supplies, atsumu lost it. sakusa had to try and calm him down all while laughing as he got ready to go to the store for her, because the drama of miya atsumu never gets old. he just couldn’t believe she was already getting her period. what the hell! what the actual hell!
↬ of course, he proceeded to embarrass her by telling osamu, telling sakusa’s parents, telling his parents. not cool :(
↬ when she was old enough, especially to understand the concept of being a surrogate (oh my god the sex talk was a whole other insufferable thing), they told her about you, and that you were actually her biological mother and not just an ‘auntie.’ she tried to be angry at them for keeping it from her, but she was honestly more excited about finding out than anything. it brought the two of you closer together, and for the next mother’s day, she organized a whole brunch for you, her and her dads, got you a gift, flowers, everything. yeah, you did cry.
↬ you genuinely have never been more satisfied and thankful for a decision like this one, ever, especially because of how much of a blessing the outcome had been.
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can u tell this isn’t my first time thinking about this. ever since i posted the iwaoi one i’ve been wanting to do a sakuatsu one, but i didn’t really know whether anyone had enjoyed that or would want more, so thank you for sending in this ask!! love u all mwah <3 
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yoshkeii · 3 years
Text
"𝙵𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝙿𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚜"
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࿐ character(s): Daichi Sawamura, Asahi Azumane
࿐ genre: sfw, soft/fluff
࿐ type: (au) headcanons
࿐ requested by: anon
⌦ boyfriend male!reader (he/him)
⌦ genshin impact x haikyuu!!, modern settings
⌦ ‘can i request an au headcanon (basically genshin impact x haikyuu!!, modern settings, but the vision bearers are rarer than post traveler time and there's still spiral abyss where vision bearers help discovering new information and artifacts, and getting paid from their country for that) So, daichi and asahi's boyfriend(a vision bearer, which element is up to you to decide.)(also separetly) reacts that their boyfriend just give them an old flower artifact that he found that reminds male!reader of his boyfriend‘
A/N: an interesting concept !! thank you for requesting, im not good with reactions but- ihopethisisokay,, i dont think i did well on this,, khai writes hcs weirdly pt. who fucking knows.
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asahi azumane’s give flower: wanderer’s troupe or viridescent venerer
𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚒:
》 staring at the rosy-red petaled flower that was supposedly made into a brooch, a piece missing that would make the item stay on the wearer. your eyes glossed over the item, identifying cracks and scratches on the metallic bronze pieces that accompanied the ordinary looking flower, that somehow was in one piece. just... slightly off-colored. before jumping as your name was called by another vision-bearer with two others by the way towards the exit of the Abyss floor, you began to hurry over to them as you gently slid the “Gladiator’s Nostalgia” into your pouch. the name you had read before within a dusty journal, remembering it so clearly with a much vibrant image than the real one you had now. but it oh, so reminded you of your beloved boyfriend, the one waiting for you at your shared home. 《
→ Daichi didn’t know he would be dating a vision-bearer, no one would’ve thought of a thing really. they were such a rare sight to see out in public- especially in the modern days. but that only just added to the many surprises you came home with after your days of working in the “Spiral Abyss” is what they call it.
→ giving him the faded-out red flower as soon as you walked through the front door, a bright smile across your face, was a sight he would never get tired of. except the slight worriedness would built up seeing scratches n bruises along your skin the more he stared...
→ eventually leading him to treating your injuries properly, maybe a slight scold or lecture here and there-
→ “Love, you know you have to be careful. Especially with fire! I know you have a Pyro vision, but that doesn’t mean mess around- and play with fire itself- You aren’t immune to it.” “..even worse that you tried using your abilities to cook..”
→ “He-hey it was a one time thing-!! and I was really curious ‘Muraaa..” you whined, wincing and pulling your face away with a pout as Daichi pressed a cotton swab onto the cut along your cheek.
→ “Yeah yeah, lil’ember.” He muttered the nickname, swiping a thumb over the bandaid to cover the cut. “..there you are done, now go get a change of clothes dirty boy- I have to put the first aid stuff away.”
→ seeing you disappear pass the door frame of your shared room, he went back to pack and close the first aid kit. before his eyes wandered towards the flower you had given him earlier, which was just idly sitting there on the counter. Daichi picked up the flower holding it gently in his palms, feeling the petals with his free hand.
→ he stared at the flower for a long moment, observing the petals before noticing the scratches on the metal pieces attached to the brooch. he smile gently, beginning to realize this was a gift to him, a gift that you gave and probably risked your life to nag. 
→ sighing deeply at the thought of you getting hurt, knowing how clumsy you can be, he went off to the shared room where you would be. just to make sure you dont... do something stupid.
→ “Y/N?” Daichi had softly called out, seeing your head peek out from the closet as you slid a shirt on. he motioned his hands upwards a little, still holding the faded-brooch in his palms. 
→ “Oh! The Gladiator’s Nostalgia? The flower, do you like it??” the way you had ecstatically replied, he could imagine a puppy’s tail wagging so fast. your eyes shimmering as you awaited his answer.
→ “I love it, ember, it was really nice of you to give it to me.” “..although I hope you didn’t get hurt too much... to achieve it. I bet this was hard to get-” He spoke softly, genuine about the words slipping through his lips.
→ “Well actually... not really-” seeing Daichi look at you in confusion, “..I’ve seen that artifact set a lot on my runs with my team, but are often- broken’n’damaged. So I- I could never give you one-” “There’s also different ones apart of the same set for yours!! I might try to collect the others for you... or more.. flowers..”
→ “Wa-wait-,, there’s more-?” he longed on his question, before he could let out another word he noticed how you started to ramble. talking about interesting details of the items you could get him on your adventures and battles, and all he did was listen. settling down on the edge of the bed while you went on.
→ you were so passionate with your job, what you were doing as a vision-bearer. it’s what he liked about you, or well... loved about you. although he wonder if every Vision-bearer were the same, he’d still take you, . date you, just as who you are. with, or without a vision. and ofc he will keep an eye on what gifts you decide to give him in the mere future.
𝙰𝚜𝚊𝚑𝚒:
》 being an Anemo Vision bearer, your able to adapt and flow with whatever could come your way. making elements spread across the battlefield with one set of moves or to crowd-control them into one spot for the others to strike the unfortunate foes. time to time you would stumble upon the “Viridescent Venerer” set in the fallen loot of opponents or the scuffed chests that were stashed at the end of battles. they looked so different than most artifacts, especially the flowers. common artifacts were genuine real flowers, making them have the same aspect as any other flower, withering and fading into nothing but dull-bland colors. but the Viridescent Venerer’s flower did not, it was just a white wild flower that used to cover the earth. and it has not withered one bit, and still gives off an exquisite fragrance you noticed as the times you ran by it... and well of course noticed it as the scent was what you usually smelled since you had one as part of your outfit. 《
→ Asahi had always pointed out the flower on your outfit, the “In Remembrance of Viridescent Fields“ is what the books would title it, but in short you just called it the Viridescent Venerer flower or just... Viridescent for Asahi’s sake.
→ he had always complimented on how it looked beautiful and pretty, especially when his beloved boyfriend is wearing it. 
→ as days of works and floors of the Spiral Abyss, you managed to find a new piece of the Viridescent to use. unlike discarding the one you currently you had, you had an idea that came into mind, finding you sliding the newer artifact into your bag before leaving off to home. a smile brought onto your face.
→ now cuddling in each others presence, you both chatted about your days. already cleaned yourself up from your days works. hand in hand with soft laughter erupting from both of you, before it died off into comfortable silence.
→ “Azumane, love?” you simply called out, knowing you caught his attention instantly as you felt movement from him. “You certainly like the flower on my fit.”
→ “Well it really is- pretty. Like knowing how regular and most flowers wilt and wither- That one hasn’t! An-And I believe its the same one you wore the day we met too-” he noted.
→ to only be surprised at his memory of these types of things, you laughed- making him startled and a bit embarrassed.
→ “You sure have quite the memory, to even remember that image? I’m impressed, so I assume... it has caught your eye since the start? Just like I was to your own vision~” you cooed, getting up from his grasps before disappearing pass a corner of a wall.
→ confusion expressed on Asahi’s face, sitting up from his position on the couch before his eyes caught the glimpse of the Viridescent in your hand.
→ sitting on the edge of the couch, you motioned the flower towards him, a gentle smile across your face.
→ “I would simply like you to have mine then, it is quite old- and worn from the times I’ve had it through my lifetime. But I think it’ll be a nice gift from me to you.”
→ hearing the words being slipped passed your mouth, he felt tears daring to fall from his eyes- Asahi did not know why. but imagining keeping the Viridescent you had for who knew how long-
→ it would be something he would cherish, something he wouldnt let go.
→ exchanging gentle kisses across your face in exchange, trying his best not to cry the joy. because it was so touching- so simple yet so poetic to give. he didn’t think he deserved one.
→ and from that afternoon, Asahi had kept it. he had kept it safe and sound, bringing it with him whenever you were never there. so he had something to calm him down in anxious moments. he had a memory of you in a flower that would never wither.
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mintugiyuu · 3 years
Note
oh! its okay, i'll try to word it as close as possible to the first time.
may i please have the main group with a trans male reader who is stealth and kind of scared of how they'll react coming out to them?
(gosh i hope thats close enough, my memory is not the best,,)
thank you so much!!
thank you so so much for resending this!! I’m so sorry it got deleted the first time around, it was early in the morning and I wasn’t using my noggin when I was trying to draft it ;3;
for the kamaboko squad, I left it so it could be interpreted as romantic or platonic! for nezuko I did it more platonically, I hope that was ok! thank you for requesting and I hope these are enjoyable to read! I hope you’re well <3
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꒰🌤꒱ — as it’s always been.
sfw scenarios + head-canons
➥ characters || kamado tanjirou, kamado nezuko, hashibira inosuke, agatsuma zenitsu
➥ warnings || none
➥ synopsis || the reader hesitantly comes out as trans to the kamaboko squad, nervous to what they’ll think and say; here is how they would react.
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➥ kamado tanjirou:
- Tanjirou has a great sense of smell, so there’s no hiding your anxiety/nervousness about coming out. He’s most certainly going to ask you what’s wrong, nothing but concerned for your state of being.
- As you’re explaining and officially coming out to him, he’s very attentive; nodding and making sure you knew he was listening.
- He knows this must be very hard and nerve-wracking for you, so he lets you finish speaking before responding himself.
- Tanjirou, being the sweetheart he is, immediately reassures you that he thinks no different of you and still loves you through and through!
- If he’s honest, he’s a bit surprised. The boy definitely wasn’t expecting this, but regardless he’s very glad that you’re happy with who you are and honored that you trust him enough with this information.
- Expect lots of words of support and small actions of comfort/affection. Tanjirou immediately pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back as he tells you how proud he is of you, and how the information you told him will stay between you two (unless/until you tell the others; he knows it’s not in his place). He’d hold both your hands to his chest as he promises you that nothing has changed between the two of you, giving you his infamous gentle smile.
- Like he promised, nothing changes between you two. Everything is as it was before, and unless you want to talk about the topic at hand, he won’t even bring it up. It just goes to show he doesn’t mind what so ever and supports you all the way!
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➥ kamado nezuko
- When it comes to Nezuko as a demon, she doesn’t really have a true understanding of anything that’s going on around her; she goes with her emotions and the emotions she’s picking up around her. Of course, she can tell when there’s danger and understand basic conversations. But other than that, all she really can understand is protect, sleep, and head pats.
- So you wouldn’t outright come out to her, knowing she probably wouldn’t understand regardless. It happens by accident, kind of.
- She spends her days in a dark room of the butterfly mansion as the others are healing, either sleeping or doing her own thing. You’re probably pacing around the room, trying to plan out how to officially tell the other boys and properly come out to them.
- Nezuko notices your distress from where she was playing with a handkerchief you gave to her after one of your missions.
- “Hmmmph!”
- In other words, she’s grabbing your attention, looking lost to why you’re pacing. In a “hey! what are you doing?” kind of way.
- When you didn’t notice her attempts, she huffs, hopping off the bed and making her way to you. She’s in her small form currently, trying to regain her energy but wanting to be awake to be in your company.
- You’d feel her tug at your uniform, making several muffled questionable noises at your pacing. If you tried to brush her off, telling her “it’s nothing”, she’s calling you out on your bull and tugging you to the bed.
- Sit criss-cross and watch her crawl into your lap as a toddler would do to an older sibling (for she saw you as another big brother), grabbing your arms and making it so you were hugging her.
- This gives you no room but to explain yourself, so you did. As you come out to her and explain how you’re nervous to tell the others, she’d.. not be the most understanding.
- Understanding as in she doesn’t comprehend what you’re telling her. But she does her best to listen, feeling how important this is to you and how anxious you’re reacting.
- She cuts you off of a nervous ramble of all the bad outcomes with a head-pat to your head, closing her eyes with a small “hmhmph!” coming from under her muzzle.
- Expect a good ole Kamado hug, tiny edition. And she’s not letting you go, not even when it was time for dinner.
- She calms you, knowing in your heart that even if she’s not completely aware, she still loves you and hopefully the others will as well (they will of course).
- Before you have to go, she grips onto your sleeve and pulls the muzzle off her mouth, giving you a sharp toothed smile. Before you can tell her to put it back on, that you don’t want anyone to see her with it off, but she gets one word out with the biggest beaming smile.
- “Oniisan!” (“Big Brother!”)
- .... and pats her head. She wants head pats too. Nothing’s changed, you’re still the best head pat giver she knows.
➥ !! spoilers for chapter 204 !! bonus: after the final battle, if you were to come out to a now human Nezuko, she’d react much like Tanjirou; just a lot more bubbly with more bright smiles. Unlike Tanjirou, she’d be more.. “aggressively” supportive. Basically, she wouldn’t hesitate to throw hands at anyone who says something purposely ignorant. It’s terrifyingly sweet; no one messes with her big brother.
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➥ hashibira inosuke
- Inosuke has very sensitive skin, so he’s getting goosebumps from the anxiety your giving off. It annoys and confuses him, not understanding what’s going on for you to be so nervous.
- “Oi! You’re making my skin prickly!! Stop that!!”
- It’s his way of asking what’s wrong, wanting to know how to stop it.
- Your anxiety hits an all time high as you let it out, officially coming out to him.
- ... But he doesn’t know what “trans” means, so he’s confused. He stands there, blinking under his pig mask.
- “... What? What the hell is that?” He may sound brash, but he just hates not understanding things. He wants to understand more than everyone else, after all, so don’t take it personally.
- After a long bit of explaining it clearly to him, you two are sitting on the ground, Inosuke with his hands in his lap as he stares at you.
- He’s surprisingly silent the whole way through, and not being able to see his true facial expression just makes you all the more nervous.
- If you were to nervously ask him to take his mask off, you were expecting a hard no. What you weren’t expecting was for him to hesitate for only a moment before taking it off, setting it down in to his lap.
- Inosuke’s eyebrows would be furrowed, his mouth turned down as he looked at you closely. Bracing yourself, he responded.
- “So?”
- That definitely isn’t what you would be expecting.
- Now he didn’t mean this in any negative connotation at all. He fully understands what it means now and what you told him - and to note he’s completely fine with it - he’s just confused to why it’s such a big deal. (If anything he respects you even more, finding you extremely strong.)
- Inosuke doesn’t care how you were born or what you choose to be; at the end of the day you’re his favorite sparring partner! Plus, he has to keep you around. He wants to understand the warm fuzzies he gets in his tummy when you do nice things for him.
- “Doesn’t matter what you are, I can still kick your ass!!” He says as he tackles you to the ground.
- All’s well ends well, and much like Tanjirou, it seems nothing would change between you two.
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➥ agatsuma zenitsu
- The high-pitched anxiety sound emitting from you is giving Zenitsu a headache; he’ll make sure to complain about it loudly so you know.
- If you apologized for it while fidgeting, he’ll soften his whining tone and ask why you’re so nervous anyways? It’s day, so it’s not like you have demons to fear.
- You hesitate, stuttering around the topic before officially coming out, explaining that to him and why you’re so nervous.
- Zenitsu.. definitely was not expecting that. He’d go wide-eyed, clearly shocked at the information.
- “HUH??? YOU’RE WHAT???”
- If you were to flinch at his shouts, he’d pause and look to you; watching how you curled up on yourself, scared you looked for a bad reaction.
- Instead he immediately goes to reassure you.
- “IM SORRY!! I-I didn’t mean it like that!! PROMISE! I just wasn’t expecting that!! I wouldn’t ever have guessed!!- I MEAN-!!” He’s talking way to fast for you to even understand, so the more you looked lost the more Zenitsu feared he messed up the trust you must’ve had for him in order to tell him that.
- Eventually he’d break down, getting on his hands and knees while bowing his head to the floor, gripping your pant leg all while begging you to forgive him.
- You’re the one who originally needed comfort here, not him. Smh Zenitsu.
- In all seriousness, reassure him that he’s ok. He meant no harm by his reaction, he just tends to be over-dramatic with his reactions and emotions.
- Once he’s calm, he’d sniffle and be sitting next to you, shoulder to shoulder.
- Zenitsu gives it a few minutes before asking questions, making sure he’s understanding 100% and not getting anything wrong.
- The blonde-boy knows about how hard struggles in life can be; he’s struggled his whole life when it comes to finding a home and a place of belonging, being homeless for the first 3/4’s of the life he’s lived so far. He knows he can’t compare his struggles to the things you must’ve gone through, but he can clearly and easily sympathize.
- He reassures you that he thinks no different of you, if anything he admires the way you could be so brave about it.
- It’s a quiet moment between the two of you as Zenitsu continues his rambles (still scared he ruined whatever is between you two a moment ago), circling over the same couple topics; how he supports you, will support you through anything, that he sees you no differently and that nothing will change.
- Please place your hand over his mouth or he’ll keep going all day; his anxiety rambles are said to last hours.
- This has only made you two closer, the others finding you and Zenitsu sticking/hanging around each other more and more frequently. In the end, your happy you told him.
149 notes · View notes
synthavision · 2 years
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nurse hcs 4: oogie boogie
since i have no work this weekend and I ordered my new binder, im in the mood to celebrate and thats with NURSE. headcanons be in keep reading.
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cute nurse pic by @ocerie btw 🥺
- owns a morris mini cooper. these cute lil cars.
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- I DON'T KNOW WHETHER HE brought it with him to new mexico or not but they would die for that car. beep beep motherfuckers, get into the mini.
- swears a lot, though he tries not to
- likes wearing sweaters for casual clothes, even if it's hot out
- if he's sitting and not doing anything, xe usually just....falls asleep lmfao. just straight up night night time
- incomprehensible when they wake up. they don't know where they are. they don't know who they are and they are speaking in gibberish
- love dogs. would die for dogs. but also thinks birds and frogs be cute too.
- LOVES rollercoasters and rides, just gets anxious right before going on it. after that? loves it for the rest of the day.
- TRIES to have some fashion sense. loves patterns. its hard when anyone around you barely has any.
- sometimes gets worried about being attached to people. he thinks it causes more problems than anything. but like. he does want to as well.
- he occassionally helps with the health check ups. always hears some crazy shit.
- they stim! they sometimes rock in a chair, or get the human equivalent of zoomies whenever they are happy or excited about something. xe also smells their hands sometimes. no reason really.
- sometimes stutters or mispronounce words, even if he can spell them properly. he's also AWFUL at public speaking.
- favourite ice cream flavour is mint choc chip ice cream
- is easily impressed. finds almost anything cool.
- short sighted, can't see shit without their glasses.
- plays with his hair a lot
- likes soda, especially cream soda and coca-cola and pepsi. yes he goes ham for a ice cream float
- a bit of a hopeless romantic at times. they just love Love, they think it's sweet and watch films and read books on it. but they also have high expectations for it and don't tolerate any mistreatment.
- as i said before in another hc post (i think it was hcs 2?), they still don't really pursue love and take it seriously. just enjoys looking at it from a distance
- THOUGH if they ever do have a crush on someone, nothing really changes, except they think about that person more.
- but if someone has a crush on em, he gets really awkward lmfao, esp if he can sense it
- he has committed some kind of crime. not sure what. it's debatable whether he did it for a bad/malicious reason or not.
- has long nails under his gloves. best that he keeps it on or he will accidentally scratch people
THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW
13 notes · View notes
everafterkeiji · 3 years
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Song: Drivers License by Olivia Rodrigo
Pairings: Tooru Oikawa x fem! reader
Word count: 8k
A/N: wow im so thankful for those who waited this long for the sequel so here it is, i really hope you guys like this one and im semi sorry for the pain, but thank u!
previous
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“I can’t find her, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi shouts with his voice trembling in secret, hands gripping each side of the steering wheel, feeling his heart race faster than his own engine. He couldn’t bear to watch the weary eyes of the person beside him. Deep down he knew it had something to do with his sudden presence. There’s no possible way that when everything has been going amazing for the both of you, it all turns into dust with the quick change of events.  
Because of him.
He should’ve known that the arrival of Oikawa would bring you back to rock bottom and him along with it but even if he seemed prepared for the upcoming events- the impact of how painful it was never lessened.  
What if you knew?
What if you knew that you were soon to be off his hands and return to Oikawa’s instead?
Imagining you with a suitcase in hand, watching you drag it as you walked beside Tooru to say goodbye to him while you both leave for Argentina is a sight that could make his now healed heart return to the shreds that it was when his best friend called him to tell him about his plans of bringing you back. It may have been a few days after that agonizing call but his heart has never been more content to see you smiling. You were both patching each other's missing pieces and even created new and better ones, replacing the sharp bits that deserved it.
But the boy who thought he could return it to its proper condition— ended up tearing them apart.
Tooru struggles to stay put in his seat. His heart held the same pace as Iwaizumis, maybe even faster. He visualized his coming home would’ve been better than this. Sure, he didn’t expect it to be a happy moment. He knew the different emotions you could portray once you see him and he prepares himself for the tears and the punches you’d throw knowing very well it was something he deserved.  
He just wishes he didn’t have to see you tucked away in Hajimes’ arms.  
But with Himari, he could expect something worse than that.
Oikawa looks over to Himari who bit her fingers, anxious on whatever was going on. He could sense the way Iwaizumi’s posture tensed up when they got in his car, though he might have mentioned what his intentions were, he felt like he still needed to repeat it to make him stop his doubts. The setter has mentioned Hirami to Iwaizumi through the call but there was still the threatening silence that surrounds you three.
“Please before you think or say anything else, we’re not in a relationship. Fuck, I would never do that to her and you know that.”
No matter what Oikawa said, there isn’t an ounce of ease that falls on Iwaizumi. The ace knows how your tears fell for the blonde. How you managed to doubt every feature of yours and replace them thinking that she was the version of perfection you wanted to obtain. You weren’t close to perfect but in the eye of the two players— you were certainly close to it. Himari may have been the ideal you looked for but Iwaizumi stood behind to make sure you never question yourself again. Witnessing how you cried for her, he just can’t stand acting like an acquaintance to the girl who you thought was Oikawa’s new lover.
But there she was, seated at the back with her thoughts running to where you were.
Himari finally sees the importance of coming back to Japan within the minutes of being seated in the vehicle. It had been months since she met the setter and not a day passes where she could see the loneliness in his eyes but there were subtle hints of joy in his voice. Seeing him get excited about arranging the apartment, even asking her if the area was close to some locations where they could relax, had her wondering just how you were stuck in his heart.  
At a certain moment, she enters the apartment Oikawa planned for the two of you to see him in the room clutched tightly on a pillow with tears in his eyes. It was the first time the apartment had been officially his and the first night he spent it with his usual choice of emotion— regret. She came in such a wrong time. Instead of being able to congratulate him in settling down in Argentina, she managed to sympathize with him instead. Then it began— the stories, the confessions, you. Everything that escaped his mouth that night all consisted of sentences dedicated to tell her how much of a mark you left on his life.  
With the stories he told, she was excited to meet you. She wanted to hug you if you’d let her because she too was abandoned by a lover with another woman. She didn’t side with Oikawa when she found out that he was the reason, he received a smack to the head when she heard. It shouldn’t circle in her mind knowing you two were strangers but she never wanted anyone to go through the pain that she had passed. To think that Oikawa spoke so often of you yet he was the one to let your relationship part like he wanted to do, felt too ironic to believe.  
So, she helped him. Remembering what she went through for her past half, she couldn’t handle seeing another pair withstand it. Especially when there was a chance to save it.
But the blind eye and weakened mindset is to blame for the misunderstanding.
“I’m sorry but do you think she’s just back at his apartment?” Himari asks but Iwaizumi shakes his head. He knew you too well. You always promised that if you were to leave, you’d always come back before 11pm because he’d never sleep properly if you were out of his sight. It was way pass 10 and he left the apartment at 9:40pm to meet with Oikawa, needing his assistance in finding you. Now it’s 10:17 and he’s yet to receive any messages from you which fed his anxiety.  
He wanted to find you by himself but he knew how much Oikawa was begging the sky for you to meet with him again.
So, for the hundredth time, he forgets what his heart desired for him to do.
“There’s no way. Y/N should’ve been back now- fuck Oikawa what if she saw you?” Iwaizumi asks, his grip tightening more at the thought. The setter fiddled with his hands as the ace felt the weight of his worries. It was the worst thing that could happen but it became real without their acknowledgement.
With the possibility ringing in their heads, Oikawa steps into your shoes as he feels just how shattered your heart could’ve been if you saw him. Barely any time to explain himself or even get to be near you after a year of being away from you had his emotions tangled in knots but he needed to find a way to tame his and Iwaizumi’s fears.
“Hajime, calm down.” Oikawa tries— or at least begs him to do. It’s seen how his breaths weren’t under control and his usual composed figure was trembling with panic. If Iwaizumi fails to keep his mind straight, they’d be prone to danger.
“I can’t- you don’t understand!” He shouts as Tooru was taken aback by it, later his fists form a ball as he began to feel how unfair everything’s been. Hajime was underestimating Oikawa too much to the point that it looks like he wasn’t nearly as concerned.
“I don’t understand? I haven’t seen her in a fucking year and now she’s possibly missing and you don’t think I’m not losing my goddamn mind?” Oikawa argues back while Iwaizumi scoffs.
“Why didn’t you visit her then? Don’t tell me you weren’t ready while Y/N was ready to come back to you the moment you left!”  
Again, he was dumbfounded.  
He could never win against what was true.  
He truly wasn’t. Booking a flight and packing was the easiest part there is but the words that ran through his mind weren’t sure if he’d ever voice it out. The confrontation, to see you so broken because of him? Who can be ready for such a thing?  
He left without goodbyes, it’s a crime to come back and act like it didn’t happen. 
Yet what he’s been so at rage at was the fact that you found sanctuary in Iwaizumis’ arms instead of his.  
“You’re acting like you don’t fucking love her too!”
The way Oikawa’s voice echoed through the car made Iwaizumi’s heartbeat way louder than he expected.  
He was trapped, wasn’t he?
Iwaizumi deeply let’s his decision sit in his mind before his mouth could release it from him. Would a scoff mirror his denial? Averting the topic would lead to the same impression but if he agrees- that draws a line for years long of friendship between him and Oikawa. Covering a lie is better than whole heartedly admitting how he’s grown attached to you, while the man who left you was still in love with you like he was. Trying to lie to himself and allowing the denial stick with him was a situation he’d never be able to escape.  
The first time he’s ever loved someone turns into a war—battling with his morals and the person who’s fought by his side throughout the years.
But what would be the prize if he won?
“I know where she could be.” Oikawa suggests, his voice holding calmness but his mind let Iwaizumi’s silence in his previous comment rest in his mind. He couldn’t look at him because he understood why his own best friend would fall for you. He wasn’t oblivious to the time it took him to answer, or even how his eyes widened like a deer in headlights. He knew either way. The moment where Iwaizumi moved in with you- it was bound to happen because loving you is something that both boys will do until one of them bends a knee, even if one of them fails to be the first to do so.
“How are you sure she’d be there?” The young trainer asks as Oikawa sighs sadly when he reminisces to the time where he had met you on a little park on the way home. He figured that the way you looked that night was the same reaction you’d have if you saw him.
“What are you doing here?” Tooru asks, a curious yet worried tone in his voice. He watches you lift your head from your hands to look at him before tensing up when you realized who was standing in front of you. You quickly wiped your eyes as your stare remains anywhere but where he was.
“It’s nothing.” You whispered as he shakes his head before taking the seat next to you, looking at you while he wonders on how he can help even if he had no business to.  
“You’d kill me if I say that your acting is a 5/10.” He jokes while you rolled your eyes, not needing the teases but what held you back from being arrogant was that you could feel how he wanted to stay with you.
“Whatever problem that is- I’m here if you ever need me.” Tooru says, his voice lowering showing how sincere he was with his words. Carrying burden on your shoulders isn’t to be face when you’re all alone so he was willing to take some of the heaviness if you let him.
“Thanks, Oikawa.” You said, looking at him with gratitude. He smiles before standing up with a hand extended for you to take while you stare at him with confusion.
“Tooru. It’s better that way.” He says while you smile fondly taking his hand while you stand up, taking the spot beside him.
You were thankful that he didn’t bother to ask what caused this breakdown and he chose to let his presence do the comfort you really needed.
“What’s your favorite food?” You look at him with an eyebrow raised as he waits for your answer. With the endless choices you had to pick one— which was a struggle but you had to respond.
“It’s F/F.”
“Then I’ll take you to the place that serves the best of it.”
He shakes his head before looking at Iwaizumi while the other boy sighs, choosing to trust Oikawa. He was in another realization that there were still missing parts of your relationship that you haven’t told him and it makes him feel like a cast away but he had no other option.  
“We have to try and go to that location.” Himari suggests making Hajime sigh knowing trying is the only way to lead you back to him. He gestures for Oikawa to tell him the where while he listens intently on the details. Finding himself familiar with the place, he sighs in relief when he realizes it was a place located near the path you’d take home in your high school days.
But why was he nervous?
Every part of him was aching with anxiety even if he trusted Oikawa. Tooru knows more about you than Iwaizumi but the ace felt as if he was too close to finally knowing you the way the captain did. He was close to landing a soft spot in your heart- perhaps he’s already earned it but there’s still that worry that even if he tries, it wouldn’t alter.
What if he sees you all bruised up? What if your clothes were ripped and how could he continue to act like it wasn’t his fault he let you wander alone? Though he feels like you’d scold him when you find out he’s laid the blame upon himself. 
He just thinks about how he wanted things to be different from the way it was now.
Iwaizumi believed Oikawa, he truly did yet there was a sickening voice in his mind that badly wanted the false accusation to be true but this selfishness was put aside when he knew that this was something you wished the gods for.  
He swallows it hard. The truth that was meant to break no matter the circumstance.  
He may be someone you needed but Oikawa was and always will come before him.
“Moving in with her? How easy do you think this will be?” Iwaizumi asks, his phone held tightly in his hands while Oikawa bites his lip, thinking of ways to make sure he can convince his best friend to help him.  
“I’ve set everything. I just need you to help me out on this one.” Oikawa begs while Iwaizumi lets out a scoff followed by his eyes rolling at the dismay. It’s unbelievable how the setter thinks making you agree to this crazy idea was going to be a breeze- a walk in the park even. Imagining you just willingly accepting this offer with bags packed and little to no fighting- it seems like a different version of you. Iwaizumi knew that you deeply missed Oikawa but it didn’t mean you were always ready to face him. He’s seen instances where you’ve mistaken a man to be Tooru but your initial choice is to hold onto the ace and hid behind him. He feels how tense your grip was, probably in fear that Oikawa was there and that made him realize that you’ve yet to gather the confidence to meet him.
“I’ll be home soon and I know it’s going to be difficult but... please Iwa.”
“Do you think this is what she wants?” Hajime asks, wishing that his answer wasn’t what he was expecting. He knows how Oikawa’s efforts will be nothing if he lets all of this go but then again, this was too absurd to happen without fail.
And Iwaizumi can’t bear to let you go this quick.
“I love her, Hajime. This is what we’ve always wanted to do— be with each other. Now, I know I fucked up and this may not be the best decision but if I let her walk away again then who am I to say that I love her in the first place?”  
“The problem is that you walked away first, Oikawa. Do you think I’d like to see her be in the same amount of fucking pain you gave her throughout the year? I’m not letting her move in with you when not even half of your problems are fucking solved,” he pauses trying to catch his breath but then there it was— the selflessness that he didn’t want to appear because you can’t be selfish when you're not even his to begin with.
“But if she wants to go... I can’t stop her, can I?”
“Take a turn here.” Oikawa directs as Hajime follows suit. Upon seeing the familiar street, he relaxes a little. Tooru then steps out just as Iwaizumi turns off the engine.
“I’ll check first.” the boy declares while Iwaizumi sighs, leaning on the seat. Himari wonders if she should follow him, not that it bothered her to stay behind, but seeing Oikawa in a rush with a hazy mind doesn’t mean he’d be able to calm down. Iwaizumi could feel her worry so he speaks.
“You can go but if you get lost, message me.”  
Himari stays still for a second. It occurs to her they haven’t shared a single conversation and the nerves of intimidation shows itself. The moment she entered the car, she knew there was something more than just tension. Talking to him like there wasn’t that field of uneasiness was difficult.  
Because she knows that he loves you too.
“Thank you but can I ask you something?” she asks while Iwaizumi shifts his body to look at her and pay some mind to what she’s going to say.
“Is she mad at me?”
The boy was more than surprised to hear it from her.  
“I have a feeling she knows or if she doesn’t, I don’t want to be looked as the girl who took the person she loves.” She confesses softly while Iwaizumi remained silent letting the words sink in his mind. The blonde smiles at him fondly realizing that her outburst completely left him stunned.
“I like Y/N. Whether you believe me or not, Oikawa talks about her too much and I would love to get the chance to see her without rivalry. I just feel like—with the idea of me and that dumbass being together for a year, it really doesn’t sound comforting to think of.”
“You will meet but I can’t lie and say that you didn’t leave an impression on her.” Iwaizumi says, the past tension disappearing when he realizes that she really wasn’t what the photo made her to be. He wishes he could tell you just how much of a person Himari was other than the girl you’d want to be.
The girl sighs but accepts it knowing it wasn’t alien to her to understand what you could possibly feel.
“Guess I’ll be finding that asshole for a while.” She says and Iwaizumi nods but there was a question that he let pass his mouth.
“How come you like her that much?”  
Himari smiles as she stares at the sky before looking back at the boy left in the car.
“She reminds me of my girlfriend.”  
With that sentence and the ace’s jaw to the floor of a reaction, she lets out a laugh before opening the door and exiting the vehicle and an obviously flustered Iwaizumi.
_
“Y/N?” Oikawa calls out for the seventh time as he stands still for a second, his legs burning from running in circles. He pants but he decides that there was no other option but to keep going.  
Anything that it takes to love you more than he ever could.
“You and me, right?”  
“Come back to me.” He whispers, resembling you last year with one of your desperate attempts in his voice messages.
Then the tears formed while his energy was deafening.
“I’m so sorry.” He mutters, hiding his face in his hands as he lets the guilt him harder than it did compared to Argentina. You were here— a location away and he was growing more and more scared at the thought if you out this without a trace of evidence that you were safe though that issue was one of his biggest concerns but what follows it is that the hope that he gathered was dying.
“Are you?”  
Just as his eyes landed on your distant figure, his legs were glued to the floor.
Move! Fuck- I need to hold her but why can’t I move?
“Oikawa.” You called out to him, to confirm that your tears weren’t mistaking him for another person. You heard him but perhaps you needed more than just that. This is Oikawa. The person you’ve waited for, cried for, loved for how many years, yet both of your feet didn’t bother to step forward.
Were you waiting for someone else?
“Y/N.” Then his feet gave in, leading them to you as well as a pair of arms whose waited nothing else then to feel this sensation again. He buries his face in your shoulder, tears dampening your shirt as he held you tightly with his sobs resonating in your ear but your arms never reacted to him.
But you broke down as well.
You couldn’t believe it. He was here, embracing you with every ounce of love he gives you but you stood there like your heart didn’t endlessly wail for him but numbness seems to have sided with victory this time.  
At the time where you needed to speak, the words that you wished served as an embrace transformed into a weapon.
“Tooru, I need you to let go.” you whispered softly while he shook his head, sobbing harder when he ponders on the fear that holds him down. Was this the last time? The everlasting moment where he could show you his regret while he begs you to continue an ever after with him?
Was he just meant to circle the world without you?
“If I move to a certain place, will you follow me?” He asks as his hands continues to caress your cheek while you smiled at him, before letting your own hand run through his brown locks. He closes his eyes before wrapping his arms around your waist, his slow breaths calming you both noticing how exhausted he was.
“Anywhere you go, as long as I’m with you, I’ll follow.”
“You promise?” he whispers, not letting his eyes open as he lets his imagination take him to countries that the both of you could visit and a tiny smile falls on his face when he realizes that he’d be able to travel around the world with a person who he’ll be seeing at the end of the altar.
“Of course, Tooru.”
When he meant that it’d always be you and him, it was partially true.
But the saying didn’t mean you’d always be together.
So, it’s always you and him- against each other's heart since the world you promised each other has faded.
“Y/N, if I let you go, are you going to return?”  
“I held on, didn’t I? What’s there to return to, Oikawa?”
“I’m so sorry.” But what he does next strikes a heavy hit to your heart as he lands on his knees, with his hands covering his face as he cries when he knew that an apology was the least cure that there is to mend an unfixable heart.
“Oikawa, stand up.” he shakes his head as he began to continuously apologize but all you wanted was to let the silence consume him. You hated this. You knew Oikawa was in pain too but seeing him in the same position you were in made your heart sting at how he cried in front of you when you knew he hated that you could see him like this.
“Babe? Hey- Tooru? I’m right here.” You asked him as you rushed to his side while he wipes his eyes immediately before putting on a smile as you hand him his towel, patting it down on his forehead. He looks at you as his eyes gather another batch of tears when he sees how worried you looked.  
He hates it when you see him cry.
Though he doesn’t mind being vulnerable, this was a side of him that stayed at rock-bottom and the efforts he made to come back at the top had been attempts that made him stay longer.
After patting his sweat, you looked at him as he was shaking at the mix of emotions of the outcome of the match with Shiratorizawa. He avoids eye contact with you as his tears fell on the gym floor.  
“Tooru.” you whispered as you cup his cheeks taking him by surprise as he stares at your loving eyes while you send him a smile, catching the tears that were streaming down. He leans into your touch and maybe his efforts of trying to leave rock-bottom weren’t all wasted.
Especially, when your hand was ready for him to take just as the bottom of the pit began to win him over.
“I love you.” It was only three words that could’ve carried more but to Oikawa, it was all he wanted to hear because you love for him spoke more than just those three. You meant it in every way that he can understand.
Because with a simple confession of love, it was already enough to lead the defeat away from him.
“And I love you more.”  
You crouch down as you tried to make him stand up but instead, he remained on the floor making you cry even more when you realized he leaned his weight on his bad knee, making you look away and choosing to hold his arm in order to hoist him up as you wept for him.
“Oikawa stand up!” You yelled but he looked up to see the endless flow of your tears as he shakes his head, disobeying your orders while your heart crumbles when he reaches his hand to your cheek, holding it fragilely as he stares at you with the same amount of pain you held in front of him.
When million words were needed, the silence chose to speak for itself.
Don’t you love me anymore? Oikawa thinks as he continues to watch the love of his life fall under the solitude he caused.
I love you with everything I have, but what can guarantee that it’s enough for me to stay when the pain is twice as the amount?
“Why are you here, Tooru?” You asked him as he uses his finger to wipe away the tear that was bound to fall, as a sad smile tugs on his lips.
“I’m here for you, Y/N. Only you.” Oikawa answers as he averts his eyes to the ground while your hands form into a fist because you already accepted the fact that he belonged to someone else, even if it made you throw away the memories in his car just to face the harsh reality.
Besides, the street lights didn’t lead you to him anymore.
“Stop lying to me. It shouldn’t be me anymore.” He lets his blurry eyes portray the betrayal that pulsated through his body as he repeatedly shakes head, refusing to believe that those words came from you. He didn’t fly here to confuse himself with his priorities. You were the only reason- hearing you say that you were the least of his intentions had him wondering the depths of his mistakes.
“It’s always been you and no one else! I came back for you- to fix this- us, Y/N! I-I'm so sorry!”
“IS THAT ALL YOU’RE GONNA SAY TO ME?”
The volume of your voice startled him when he sees your hand clutching tightly on your shirt as you stood up and the apple of your cheeks colored in frustration. 
“Am I ever going to get an explanation on why the person that I loved left me without goodbye? Am I just going to hear you apologize for hours and not a single answer is given to me? Oikawa- I waited- I want to forgive you so fucking badly but I’m expecting more than an apology without you telling me why you did it!” You didn’t mean to raise your voice to such an extent but the answer you waited for a year was yet to be given a response.
Hearing his pleas brought an emotion you weren’t familiar with. You expected that he would apologize but at first you didn’t know why it gave you disappointment instead of satisfaction. Surely, you wanted to hear it- let it replay in your ears for as long as you wished but that wasn’t enough to patch up a heart that’s been through more than just a slice in the middle.
“And why did it have to be the last time that we were happy?” You asked him with your voice purely showing the torment you go through when you remember the last night that scarred your emotions. How was he able to leave after a night of serenity? Were his laughs all a cover up his plan of leaving you as fast as he could?  
“Please answer me, Tooru.” You begged but it came as a whisper when you aggressively wiped your eyes that were exhausted and tempted to close.  
Oikawa bites his lip but takes a deep breath before letting his words decide the outcome.
“I lost grip on what I wanted to do. After that match- and all of the things that I couldn’t stop thinking about- everything was messy. An escape and a way to find that passion again were my options to get this sick feeling over.”
“But I was never in those options, wasn’t I?” he grips the fabric of his sweats beside him as he avoids your glistening eyes knowing how agonizing it was to hear it from him that you had been pushed to the dark corners of his mind like a forgotten idea.
“Are you sure, honey? This is unlikely of you to be spontaneous in this way.” his mother comments, her hand falling on top of her sons' hand. Oikawa smiles at her softly, sending a nod to his father as well. He knew his family was going to supportive no matter what, he was a star after all but he knew they were worried about him. A country with immense culture that he’s yet to learn about is a whole other experience but he felt as if it was the decision that could hold all the victories he wanted to earn.  
“What about Y/N? Why don’t you take her with you? School is finished and it’d be a great step for you two as a couple, Tooru.” He sighs heavily, placing his hands on his lap as he lets the question wonder over this head.
“I’ll figure it out.”
“Y/N-”
“And I guess contacting me wasn’t a good idea either?” You continued, the flare of rage igniting more as all of the excuses you made for yourself for his indecency have been made clear that it was his choice in leaving you in the past.
“How could you! You- fuck Oikawa!” You shouted as you felt your body shrivel with the anger as he tries to hold you but you pushed him away as the nearby stop lights painted the night a shade of red that resembled equal parts of anger and love.
“What was that for?” You asked him with a giggle as he smothers your hand with gentle pecks. During a red light, it became a habit for him to show you affection while you wait for it to turn green. You always drove late together so when the streets weren’t occupied, his voice would echo through the air when he shouts your name with a declaration of how much he loves you, or sometimes he’d steal kisses catching you off guard like he’s doing now.
“Well, it’s obvious that you didn’t complain babe.” He teases as you lean closer, giving him a subtle kiss on his temple making him blush instantly. He smiles at you before taking your hand and landing a peck to your ring finger as your heartbeat picks up an irregular pattern while the light turns green, his brown eyes leaving yours.
“Now, what about that?” You asked him while he fixates his focus on the road ahead but his dream with you causes him to smile like the lovesick fool that he was.
“In case I couldn’t do it in the future.”
“Fuck you for leaving and acting like I wasn’t here! You and your girl-”
“Oikawa?”
When your eyes landed on a familiar blonde, the chances of saying those three words once again began to disappear.
“Y/N?”  
And with the sound of her voice, everything became blurry when you remember the way she looked next to him with a smile.
“I’m Himari.” she introduces herself while taking cautious of her words when she sees the drop in your features. She hesitates to take a step forward knowing the mind who misunderstood was sharper than hers.
“And you brought your girlfriend.” you said with another sigh of exhaustion and when Himari hears this sentence she immediately knew what impression she had left from Iwaizumi’s words. She takes a step forward making you lower your head, not wanting to be near the person who was the main focus of Oikawa for a year but there wasn’t an ounce of spite that was directed to her.
“Y/N, we’re not dating.” Oikawa assures you, mimicking Himari’s actions, hoping that he could hold onto your hand and change your mind which he knew it was a little too late when his conversation with his best friend resonates through his ears.
“What do you think? She’s fucking crying again.”
“We are not dating, I promise. I helped him for you to settle in Argentina.”
Argentina?
“Oikawa- what does she mean I’ll be settling?”  
The silence on the side opposite to you has never been louder. Oikawa and Himari share a look while you stood there with more than confusion that was mixing in your range of emotions. Your eyes dart between him and the girl while the beats of their heart began to speed up, not because of their own panic, but for you. Himari then awakens from the absurd idea she was brought into. Being in this tense atmosphere, she knew it was the wrong move all along but it seems to strike her more when she sees the way the flow of your tears didn’t alter.
“Tooru, answer me.”
“He didn’t tell you.” Oikawa says making Himari groan and before she could approach you, she sees a figure running your way.
“Y/N!” Iwaizumi shouts before he engulfs you in his arms while there was a wave of relief that overcomes you as you immediately reciprocate his embrace as he caresses your hair and holds you tight. The worry in him dissolves when he ran and saw that you had zero injuries but when he saw your puffed cheeks and sore eyes, he wanted nothing more than to hold you when he realized the two were stood in front of you.
“Thank fuck you’re okay, please never leave me like that again.” He whispers while you nod and within this moment, you found a way to breathe properly as Hajime continues to keep you near him but when his eyes landed on Oikawa’s defeated orbs, he pulls away gently.
Himari saw how one of them had their heart sewn back together while the other one shattered.  
“You didn’t tell her?” Oikawa asks while your head turns to Iwaizumi who had his eyebrows raised but he looked at your confused expression and realizes he was pertaining to the issue of moving together. As you cautiously watch his features, you take a step away from him, standing in the middle of the two boys.
“Iwa, you knew?”  
Fuck. The situation he was in felt like a twist of fate. When the idea was brought to him, he wasn’t planning to go on about it but this was Oikawa. The boy he grew up with, shared his dreams and weaknesses, and the one who reminded him that a burden should never be carried alone.  
“I’m not going to lose to you, Oikawa.”
“That’s good to hear, Iwa-chan.”
But then you came and suddenly the competition grew into something more, a level that could end up having gold or having nothing when it came down to the winner.
“So, you two just accepted the fact that I’m willing to forget that he left and live with him that easily?” The two players remain silent even Himari chose to avoid barging in on a matter that only included the three of you but it did pain her to watch this unfold. She wonders how you carry this amount of pain and betrayal. It’s evident that the two have more than just a special place in your life.  
It’s as if your heart wasn’t just yours anymore.  
“Y/N, I wasn’t going to let you go just like that.” Hajime says but then he held back a few words that he knew would change everything for the three of you but it seems as if there already was a cut in the unity.
“Tooru, what did you do?” After hearing his answers, nothing became clear. There were missing details and words that you wished you could hear from him. With the surprise of moving to Argentina- it felt as if you were stuck in you and Oikawa’s past dream of travelling the world. This was one of the promises that could’ve stayed if not for the terrible timing. To witness the beauty of the different countries with Oikawa could’ve been a moment in your life where there was nothing but pure bliss and admiration for each other- which then turned into isolation.
“Back in Brazil, I had Himari help me with everything we needed to move in together. I thought that this would’ve been the chance for us to be together again- to have you with me and make up for all my mistakes. I know you’ve had enough with my promises so I’m not making more. I’m doing whatever it takes because I love you so much, Y/N.”
“Where did that love go, Oikawa?”
Perhaps that love was replaced by fear, especially when he can see his own reflection on Iwaizumi.
“Y/N,” the setter approaches you with care as he holds your hand, almost letting his doubts run him over when the idea of you letting go strikes his mind. He then looks at you which made you hold your breath when his eyes brought you to a memory you chose to forget.
“I love you, you know?”
“Why are you speechless?” Tooru asks while he stops walking to gaze at your flustered reaction. He then smiles before standing in front of you and places his hand on the crown of your head.
“Does that mean that I don’t show much I love you?” You shook your head while his previous words rang in your ears like your favorite song and looking at him now, your heart is overjoyed with your own love for the boy.
Taking him by surprise, you wrapped your arms around his neck attacking him in a tight embrace with an irreplaceable smile while he laughs and takes your waist by the arm muttering the same three words that he said earlier. Oikawa twirls you around while you returned the feeling.
“I love you more, Tooru!” He puts you down before cupping your cheeks with his hands as he savors the look in your eyes that only held him in it. He lowers his head as you didn’t hesitate to close the space between you and him.
But what is the same man that was in front of you?
“Iwaizumi, let’s give them some space.” Himari suggests, softly tugging on Iwaizumi’s sleeve. With hesitation, he still agreed but his eyes lingered on you who was held by Oikawa and with the sight of it had him let your words resonate in his ears as his heart silently bawls.
“Don’t fall in love with my broken pieces, Hajime. You deserve someone who is- complete.”
I’m too late, Y/N.
Himari who held onto his arm, stopped walking when she sees the longing stare that Iwaizumi’s eyes held for you. She could sense that every part of his body desired to be close to yours and catch you over and over again just to be with you. She smiles fondly when she realizes that she must’ve looked like this in the past- sick in love without a trace of fear to do anything for the person you adored but what did it feel to fight for your heart against his own best friend?
“But if she wants to go... I can’t stop her, can I?”
I want to try even if it isn’t me.
“Hate me, punch me for leaving, go on. Call me stupid and more but not being yours is the worst thing there is to say.” Tooru begins, long breaths within pauses to ensure his honesty is apparent in every word he speaks because he needed to make ends meet knowing this was the only solution to find his way back to you.  
And with an open heart, you listened.
No matter how many times he’s scarred you, you believed that he was still the same Tooru that cured the pain.
So when he held your cheek in both his hands, you saw nothing more than the boy you would love all over again.
“I am more than sorry for everything that I’ve done but I know that those aren’t the words you waited to hear. It’s my fault and to think that deciding without you knowing or even contacting you after I left are just actions that I regret everyday. I’ll accept if you don’t forgive me— I understand and it’s only right for me to deserve it but it doesn’t mean I won’t try for us to be together again.” He rests his forehead on yours as you silently let the tears land on his hands as he whimpers, closing his eyes as he finds it harder and harder to maintain his pace of breathing while you didn’t dare to open your eyes and look at the weeping boy.
“I c-can’t change what I did but I want you to know that within that year—being without you was more than I can take. So, if you let me hold you just for a while, then maybe I-“ He couldn’t even bare to finish his own sentence when his sobs interfered with him as you could feel the way his hands felt weaker against your skin but he held it with all his emotions.  
But when your arms began to wrap around his neck with your chin to his shoulder, his heartbeat took a leap but he instantly wraps his own around your waist as he sobs into your shoulder while another person watched in sorrow.
“I can’t forget what you did but holding you is more than I wished for, Tooru.” He smiles slightly as he closes his eyes and embraces your warmth that he craved for as your thoughts ran with the seconds that passed. He strokes your hair with his hands as your heart nearly aches at how gentle he was as if every action would lead to another permanent stain on you but you held onto him more when you felt the familiar ache pulse through your body. The nostalgia it gave you holding him like this leads you to feel the past embraces he’d give after every game, after every melt down, and after every argument. He may not be able to express his repenting with mere sentences but what you knew is that with every action he does is covered in the stories he failed to tell. After all, he’s your Tooru Oikawa. The boy who gave you every ounce of love and joy even if brought you to your knees, even if the promises turned to dust. So, letting your words course through him, he subtly pulls away and looks at you with a smile as you took a few steps back.
And with a few more heavy steps of decision, you grabbed his hand, interlacing it with yours as your hesitation lies under your skin.
But your heart was certain as it is.
The sun rose as you stretched, the immediacy of silence creeping around your room as you watched the clouds showcase the beaming colors of its rays. Smiling with bliss, you step out of your bed and began to run your usual motives. With your clothes all pampered and ready, you wore them with pride as you looked at yourself in the mirror with a photo to the side as another flutter of a heartbeat came your way.  
Dialing his number, his voice came in a second later as the glee in your heart overflows at the sound of him.
“Congratulations, Tooru! God, you were amazing and words cannot express how proud I am of you!” You cheered as the boy cries over the phone with the medal hanging on his neck with his tears decorating his cheeks as you too shed a few tears seeing him succeed over the television. Seeing him shine in the lights, displaying his winning smile as he was embraced by his fellow teammates was a view that had you let out a few shouts of exhilaration knowing this has been his dream that you supported throughout everything. He truly deserved it.
“I wish you were here but fuck thank you so much.” He says with a never-ending smile as you looked at the photo on your mirror making your heart chase the happiness that it gave you to see him like this. Glancing on a familiar vehicle park outside the building, you let out a laugh before speaking once again.
“Let’s make up for lost time.” You suggested, making the length of his smile grow as he too looks at a photo present in front of him. With two hearts lured into serenity, there wasn’t a moment more perfect than this.
“I’d like that.” Oikawa replies as you continued to put on your shoes.
“Are you good to go?” he asks as you answered a short yes before grabbing your things, and leaving the apartment as you pressed the phone to your ear to listen further.
“I’ll see you real soon.” Tooru says with a certain tease in his tone as you let out a chuckle before pressing the button to end the call.
As you walked to the car, you could feel the excitement rushing to you as he opens the door for you as you bid him a smile as he steps into the drivers seat and the love-struck boy wonders if the passenger seat has looked this bright. Seeing you in the afterglow as the sun entered the vehicle, covering you in the rays of it made his heart grew the prettiest flowers.
“What’s wrong?” you asked as he shook his head before leaning closer to land a peck to your cheek, pushing aside a strand of hair just to tuck behind your ear as your cheeks grew into the hue of love as his own orbs displayed a deeper amor than before.
“I love you that’s all.” He confesses making you smile as you intertwine your hands in his as he presses a firm kiss on it and with his free hand he turns on the engine. Turning his head so his eyes met your loving ones, he speaks.
“Ready for our drive?”  
“As ready as I can be, Hajime.”
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Taglist: @dekuspet @splaterparty0-0 @jihyunnxtooru @sakusakei-omi
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rosaliepostsstuff · 3 years
Text
Yours truly - epilogue
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warnings: food mentions, vague mention of war, a disgustingly sweet happy ending
word count: 2369
a/n: haha! you thought the series was over? well, now it will be. i totally did not cry while writing this, no no. also - i recommend, if you’re reading on desktop, open this on my blog. i recently changed my theme and i think the layout is great for reading.
tags: @izzyyy-1 ; @pandaxnienke ; @messagesinthesky ; @valwritesx ; @pineapplesandpinas ; @sirenswhispers ; @mitsukui ; @4amhotchner ; @theweasleysredhair ; @barneswidow ; @anxxi0s ; @scoobiessnacks ; @unseensilver ; @softlyqoos ; @amourtentiaa ; @anripoot ; @vogueweasley ; @subaehun ; @prismarts ; @harrysweasleys ; @mamawheeze ; @lumos-barnes ; @ickle-ronniekins ; @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11​ ; @dontreallywannabehere ; @28cnn ; @euphorictraveler ; @littlemisswitt ; @onlyfreds ; @latenightmiraclesss ; @weasleygrapes ; @hufflepuffalice ; @slytherclawbitch ; @freddie-weaselbee ; @famdomhideout ; @mollenniumfalcon ; @accioweaslcy ; @lunarlovegoodx ; @weasleysprofessionalhoe ;
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It felt odd. Exciting and nerve-wracking at once.
You tried to go about your day as usual. Occupying your overthinking mind with last bits of unpacking and tidying your room.
The idea seemed strange to your parents at first, that a friend of yours would come by for a visit the day after you arrived back at home. Which, after a month away, to them was equal to knocking on your door as soon as you closed it behind yourself.
It was the first time you had to have that type of conversation with your parents, naturally, it felt awkward. But when you told them the truth, they were respectful.
The hand of the clock on your bedroom’s wall, right above your desk, was getting dangerously close to 1.
You changed your clothes and put your hair up, just to sit behind your desk, having nothing else to do. That’s when the clock really started racing. It was a few minutes to 1 PM when your mum called from downstairs.
It was like nothing else you’ve felt before. Like meeting someone you know so well, and yet a completely new person.
Of course, you knew Fred from school. Who didn’t, at least from the rumours? And you had been one of the people that were on speaking terms with him, sharing a few classes, some mutual friends.
Fred never seemed like the type of guy that would be into you. You didn’t hold any significant feelings towards him back then, to be bothered by it, it was just a fact. You enjoyed interactions with him, nonetheless. Maybe subconsciously, enjoyed the rare attention received from him. And maybe that was the reason you had agreed to give him your address at the end of last term, instead of telling him to sod off.
Since then, you were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of a different side of him. To fall in love with him.
And how much has he changed. Not only physically, having his hair cut short and growing yet another few centimetres. The biggest change happened inside.
It was better than he could’ve ever imagined. When he felt all those things while still at school, he couldn’t have expected what would come out of it. Nothing he’s ever experienced was quite like this.
At the end of last term when he realised that - caught up in everything that was happening - he hasn’t made any progress with you, he came up with the idea of writing letters throughout the summer on the spot, running to catch up to you in one of the courtyards. Best he hoped for was some banter, maybe getting to know you a little better. Mostly, just making sure you didn’t grow apart throughout those long, two months – or even worse, start dating somebody else - so that he could properly take action as soon as September rolled around. He couldn’t know he’d fall in completely. Or that you’d fall too. And that he’d be welcomed in by your mum at that very moment.
You waited at the top of the stairs. The bannister you held onto could’ve been the only thing keeping you from collapsing once he appeared at the bottom and looked into your eyes. With that damn smile.
You didn’t know what that moment would look like before it happened. In your head, you wanted to hug Fred, hold him, kiss him. You were in love with him - you wanted all that. But you didn’t know if you could, meeting him for the first time. Would you still want that with a person you hadn’t actually developed any physical closeness with?
But once more, his words came useful, as you realised you had worried unnecessarily.
‘Stop overthinking and enjoy the ride, sweetheart.’ – he advised you a while ago.
So when he ran up the stairs your arms outstretched themselves on their own accord, waiting.
“Hi,” you giggled while he wrapped his arms around your waist, picking you up in a tight hug. His emotions exhibited themselves in a spin he gave you. Pressing your face to the crook of his neck, you recognised the scent you knew from his letters before he put you back down.
“Hi,” he replied, finally, pulling away from the hug a bit to look at you once more. His hands still rested on your waist and as he looked into your eyes and both of you thought the same thing. It was the perfect opportunity for a kiss.
Fred swallowed, running his eyes over your face, taking it in.
“Good to finally see you,” he said, standing straight, and you chuckled, letting him know the feeling was mutual.
Seeing Fred Weasley in your room, your personal space, felt odd as well. Once again, the thought of being lucky enough to call yourself his girlfriend (even though the two of you haven’t specified your relationship just yet) appeared in your mind. But he called you that.
And there he was, standing in the middle of your bedroom, looking around. Looking even more handsome than you remembered. You wanted to learn Fred, learn him physically.
He turned back to you and you locked eyes as he caught you with that shy, yet giddy smile on your face. The smile you got back in return made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy. With newfound confidence you stepped closer to him and took his hand, intertwining your fingers together. It fit perfectly, like magic.
“See, that’s the wardrobe door I told you about in the letter, that gave me this battle scar,” you told him, pointing at the piece of furniture first, then the faint mark left on the skin of your arm.
Fred didn’t hesitate to take your arm in his hand and brush his thumb over the scar. Apparently, Fred was very touchy. It was exhilarating, but nice. You could get used to that.
“Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?” he chuckled. You agreed with him, thinking back to those first few letters you’d exchanged at the beginning of summer. “Oh, that reminds me!” you perked up suddenly. “Make yourself comfortable here, ok? I’ll be just a moment, I have something prepared…” you explained, receiving a nod from Fred, before dashing out the door.
This gave Fred a chance to have a proper look around. He wasn’t invading your privacy since everything he was looking at was out in the open, but it would’ve felt weird, just analysing it in your presence.
Taking a seat by your desk, he could take out much from the objects lying around there. And in the corner of the desktop, sat a pretty box with its lid slightly open. He didn’t want to look, but through the crack, he saw something paper.
“The letters…” he whispered to himself and without further thought slid the box over to himself. There they were, his letters – each and every one of them, placed neatly and chronologically. No one has ever cherished anything received from Fred as much.
“See you helped yourself,” you quipped, having walked into the room with a plate of muffins in your hand. “What if I hid something else in that box? Something real embarrassing?” you asked, walking over to him after placing the tray down on your tea table.
“It wasn’t closed properly, I could see it was letters,” he explained, turning to you. “Unless you’re exchanging letters with some other boys too?” he joked. “You think only boys could be your competition, Weasley?” you swung back, placing your arm at the back of his shoulders with a mischievous smile. “But no, not like with you, I don’t,” you reassured him in the end.
Another moment of meaningful eye contact passed, before Fred changed the topic, noticing the baked goodies. You could watch him stuffing his face for hours.
Still enjoying a muffin, you walked up to one of your cupboards, to retrieve a box with your surprise.
“I’d like to remind you that I’m still very much a beginner with clay so it may be simple, but one day I might make something nicer. If you’ll still want it, of course,” you said, handing him the box. You sat back down on the sofa next to him, with an anxious smile.
He opened the box, revealing a mug, painted with his nickname on the side. His face lit up in a smile. True, it may have been simple, but he could also see the effort you had put into it, and that was enough to melt his heart.
“Do you like it?” you asked in a small voice. “I love it,” he replied simply, still moved by the gesture. He gave you a one-armed hug, still holding the mug in one of his hands – already thinking of using it every day, for as long as it could serve him.
“Ok, let’s not forget,” he began, composing himself, “I promised a surprise for you too.” “You did,” you replied, leaning back against the couch and flashing him a smile.
You watched as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a tiny firework.
“Freddie,” you pleaded, in disbelief of how typical of him that was. “It’s indoor safe, I promise!” he laughed, “I haven’t blown myself up yet, have I?” he asked, looking at you expectantly with his gleaming eyes.
So after a deep sigh, you nodded, allowing him to proceed.
He pulled out his wand and after throwing the firework into the air, lit it up. It was beautiful, golden, pink and white, mesmerising shapes changing constantly. In the end, a sentence appeared, lighting up the whole room, along with your whole world.
Will you be my girlfriend?
“I told you already in the letters how in love with you I am… you said you feel the same. I wanted to make it official,” he said, looking at you now, as the fireworks slowly faded away.
“Yes. Of course,” you answered, positive your heart has melted at the gesture. Your hands reached out a bit awkwardly, unknowing if you wanted to hold his hands or hug him.
Fred leaned close to you and placing his hands on your waist, kissed you.
Was true love really magic’s work, or was Fred just a really good kisser? You couldn’t know that, but you also couldn’t care less as you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck. You just never wanted to kiss anyone else, and kiss only him, for as long as you both shall live.
He was delicate and loving, one of his hands moved to the side of your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb as he kept placing soft pecks on your lips, unable to pull himself away.
“You’re intoxicating,” he muttered against your lips before kissing you on the forehead, then sitting back straight. “I could tell you the same thing,” you replied, dumbfounded.
“I got something else, too…” Fred admitted sheepishly, diving into his pocket once more to retrieve a small box. He opened it in front of you, revealing a bracelet – a dark, simple, aesthetical string with a small shape attached to it. A tiny, silver envelope.
“It’s beautiful, Freddie,” you whispered, brushing your finger over the metal. “I’ve got one too, so if you want-” he began, taking another bracelet out of his pocket, without a box this time, but you didn’t wait for him to finish.
You took your bracelet out of the box and gestured for him to help you tie it, then took his, and tied it around his wrist. You were admiring the view, when Fred interrupted you.
“Want to see something cool?” he asked you with a smirk, then took your bracelet hand in his and you watched the pendant emit a soft, magical glow.
“You really are a romantic, Fred Weasley…” you stated.
“You made me one.”
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You’re probably wondering what happened next, dear reader? Very well, I can’t just leave you hanging. After all, it would be a dishonour to cut off this beautiful story of Y/N and Fred’s love like that. And what a beautiful love it was.
That September was the first time the both of them were that happy to get back to school. It allowed them to see each other every day, after all, even if Y/N took quite a few more classes than Fred. They quickly realised what they had was more than just a school romance. They used their last year at Hogwarts to its fullest, before Fred took off with his twin brother and Y/N graduated, according to plan, in June.
The current state of the wizarding world meant Y/N had to put her career plans on hold, but she was happy to help Fred and George in their shop instead.
As Fred had Y/N’s promise, to help him with raising a puppy – they adopted one together, one that they both fell in love with at first sight. The dog later proved to be a valid, contributing member of the Weasleys’ Wizarding Wheezes.
Their relationship flourished, they complimented each other perfectly, supported each other during the war when they both needed it most.
After Voldemort had been defeated and Y/N got her dream job, she and Fred decided to rent a nice, comfortable flat in London. Just like they planned, they used a lot of their time off from work to travel together – taking their dog with them whenever they could. It was during one of their trips, when Fred proposed to Y/N, with a crazy, elaborate scheme.
They got married in a simple, yet beautiful ceremony, surrounded by loved ones. They had three children – two girls and a boy.
When Fred’s business started doing really well, they moved to a ridiculously charming old house, but in England, so that he could focus on his family more. How did they spend their days? I’m sure you can imagine. And when they retired, their lives slowed down, just a tiny bit.
But Fred Weasley remained a romantic, even as they were both old and grey. And the act of exchanging letters remained special for them, throughout all of their happily ever after.
The end.
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hitoshisbabygirl · 3 years
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Author's Notes ♡: okay uhm the more characters I do the more I’m learning I’m a simp-
Anyways welcome to another BNHAREM collab that I had the pleasure to be in! I had fun trying to turn our league of villains leader into a hero/vigilante! A quick side note, his personality here is more of what I think he could’ve been/acted like if he was treated better and taught how to control his quirk without hate qwq without further waiting here’s my addition to the already wonderful collaborators! Make sure to check their stories out too in the masterlist! ~ bunny ❥
Warnings : None!! Fluffy and awkward Shiggy for the win! Also please ignore typos if any they’ll be fixed later </3
Word count : 3.5K
Paring(s) : Tomura Shigaraki x F! Reader
Summary : When the city you live in is rampant with villains what happens when your seabed by a cold and off putting vigilante (that’s my best summary I’m sorry </3)
Enjoy ♡
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Turning off the TV [ ] couldnt help the trembling of her hands as she realized the mayhem that had been spurring the last couple of weeks with the new arrival of villain groups wasnt subsiding. life was hard , the struggle of not to take the news seriously and feeling like all hope was lost was a common feeling between each day, the chore of getting up early during the daylight time so you could get what you needed before crime became rampant was adreanline fueld.. It was nerveracking, living your life on the edge and feeling unable to believe the ones in and on duty would protect you. After weighing the options about staying in or hurrying down the street for food before the curfew kicked in [ ] reluctantly got up, grabbing her keys , phone and a light jacket as she headed throught the decrepit streets, hearing the distant sirens that never failed to doing their job of setting her nerves ablaze. As she saw the neon signs of the store ahead of her she was able to enter and grab quite a lot of things, the warm feeling of being safe surrounding her as she heard more and more sounds from blocks ahead. “Are you okay sweetie?”
An older lady with a young man asked the anxious girl, a smile on her face as she answered the woman “Ah yeah im sorry ma’am just trying to find the best way home without being in the crossfire” Shaking her head in agreement the older woman spoke again “Its running rampant out there, its why i brought my grandson with me” ponting to the male beside her he gave [ ] a smile, holding a bag fro the lady “Now you be safe dearie, look both ways and use the lights to guide you home!” Waving to the pair [ ] felt a bit more relived as she started the shorter but dreaded walk back to her townhome. The area was better than most in cities, just because of how it wasnt in the full downtown that was in a disarray. Even so it was still dangerous and hearing a loud crash and explosion from in front of where [ ] was walking could never be a good thing. As she walked further she saw a group of people blowing up a strip that included a jewelry spot, a small back and shopping center she knew something bad would happen if she got any closer. Walking backward she headed to an abandoned alleyway, slowly trying to get herself in a safe distance away from whoever was destroying the buildings. As she got into a corner she could hear the people talk and yell, the sound of glass breaking and another boom. Jumping form the sound of the explosion getting closer she moved into a doorway of one of the undisturbed buildings in the strip.
Soon however she felt a hand on her arm as one of the guys caught her. As [ ] tried to fight them off she head them chuckle, one taking her face in his hand as the others tried to go through her bags “Well well well hello ther girl, whatcha doing in the Scorpions part of town” One of the men, who [ ] presumed was the leader snared at her, grinning when she turend her ace away from his. Pulling her face back to his he tried to get her to talk, pushing her cheeks together as he laughed “I like them feisty , why dont you just be nice to me and my guys huh?” before she could form her lips to try to get a smart response a sound of pain came from one of the destroyed buildings. Catching the leaders attention he called out to someone before they all heard a yell of watch out. The building, which they had destroyed was now falling over and onto them who were in its path. All [ ] knew was that the guy who grabbed her arm let her go and shoved her before everything whent black.
A cracking sound , one of breaking concrete broke through [ ]’s head as she opened her eyes to blackness, everything around her covered in the sheet of night as the same cracking sound could be heard. Soon a faint voice could be heard from above her. Lightly she yelped which mustve been enough for whoever was above her as teh cracking sound got lounder before she could see light from the moon above her “H-hey is ther someone down there?” A voice called out as [ ] yelled back to them “O-oh yes! Please help me im stuck and i cant move!” She yelled as she felt her leg get tighter as she tried to wiggle.
“Cover your face if you can” The now more male sound voice said as she did such, felling pieces of cement and gravel touch her arms as she moved them to see long whitish blue hair appear before a gloved hand reached out “Can you reach?” The mystery male asked as she jumped up bepfre yeliping in pain. Hearing the sound the male took his ungloved hand and seemilngly dissolved more concreate taht held her and her leg in place. “Hold on….Im coming dont move, you could hurt yourself if you do.” Hopping dwon the hole with her the male saw how she was twisted in her spot and pained expression that covered her facial features. Faced with a challenge the male gave her his gloved hand as he used the uncovered one to break up the rocks and concrete that held her still “Just a little more okay? Youre close I almost got you” He reassured. Soon [ ] felt herself slip up and into the arms of the mystery man who she noticed had his face covered. As he brought her out of the ruble and into the light from the mood and streetlights she looked at her savior. He wasnt large in stature but her was fit and quite strong to pull her up with one arm. Feeling the girl he just saved staring at him , the male turned to her and simply stated “You should go home” Before starting to head off “W-wait! Please, let me thank you properly. You didnt have to save me yet you did” She said as he turned to her “......Theres no need to thank me, just doing what the heroes arent” Starting to walk again [ ] couldnt help chewing her lip before running to join his side “Well can i at least thank you properly , or just get your name and be able to find you again?” stopping in his tracks he moved his hair from his face before crimson eyes glanced at her “Tomura” He said “Huh..?” “My name...Tomura..or MC” He whispered as she shook her head “Tomura...okay well thank you Tomura for saving me , my names [ ]”
Shaking his head Tomura started off again, shoving his gloved hands in his pockets, this time heading off for good. As he trucked along [ ] heard the sirens appear closer to the damage that was the destroyed store that covered the criminals that tried to get her before. Starting to walk off her own she noticed a shining necklace on the ground. Picking it up she noticed it was one you could put pictures in it. Peeking inside she saw a woman with black hair holing a little boy with just as black ahir and piercing red eyes, the woman happily smiling as she held the child. Closing the locket she took with her , feeling strangely drawn to it. As she heaaded home she thought about the mysterious Tomura, someone who looked like a normal civilian like her and others seemd to have a strong quirk, and was more than what he seemed on the outside
As a few days turned into a week rolled on [ ] noticed that the streets were still bad, but the men who had cornered her had been captured after the building had collapsed. Feeling herself sigh and relax [ ] headed for the store once again, this time during the day as she needed to replace the food she had tried getting before that was lost during the the collapse. As she left once again she saw a familiar tuff of periwinkle hair go around the corner. Peeking her interest she followed himas she heard him curse under his breath before turning around straight into her “ow, wait….its you again” He huffed as his crimson eyes looked into hers “Yep! Hey tomu!” The quirky nickname caused head to fill in the mans face as he was glad it was covered. “[ ]....hello” He said back as he continued to pace around the old scene that stil had some concrete in the land “Whatcha looking for…?” She asked as he still looked around “Something important of mines” “Well can i help out?” Sighing Tomura turned to the hopeful girl that for some reason, didnt bother him as many did
“Fine. its a silver locket..” pausing [ ] thought about the locket she found when they first met “It….wouldnt happen to have a woman and a boy in it would it?” As soon as she said that the periwrinkle haired boy turend to her “You found it? Where” reaching out he went to grab her hands only to stop himself and put them at his sides. Ignoring the gesture as nerves she gave him a smile “Well..I found it the day you saved me, it was actually in the rubble” looking at the sparkling eyes of Tomura she couldn’t help but let her smile grow before sighing “Only thing is...it’s at my house now” still looking at him he gave her a smile behind his covering before shaking his own head “That’s fine..if you don’t mind me coming with you, or you just bring it I’m not really.,,yeah” Giggling at his nervousness [. ] put her hand ont his shoulder “It’s fine! Uhm..have you ate dinner yet? I can even cook you something!” Holding up her bag Tomura felt his heart thump as he agreed to eat with her, the two headed for her place.
Looking around Tomura noticed how clean and kept together her place was. It was warm, and inviting, something he wasn’t too used to “I’m sorry it’s a mess here! I was trying to move things around and make it look better but..I feel like it’s still weird!” Laughing she turned to face the powder blue haired boy who stood still in her doorway. “You can come in or would you need a helping hand?” She teased as she held her hand out. Hesitantly held his gloved hand out before pulling away slightly “S-sorry im just.. nervous” he said softly before [. ] gave him a knowing smile, before taking a step back “Well there’s no rush, take a seat and get comfortable, I’ll get your locket and I’ll start dinner!” Walking away [. ] went to her bedroom as Tomura sat there looking at his hands. They held so much fear in them, life and death. Over the years he learned how to control his power, even able to touch things without gloves and them not dissolve. But witr him nervous, he was afraid one wrong touch would hurt or even worse...destroy the one nice person he’d ever met in the midst of the all of the mayhem. In the mist of him thinking [. ] came back and saw him.
Feeling bad and not sure of how to approach him she tenderly held the locket and placed it on the table, which snapped him from his thoughts “Here you are! I did clean the silver so it was more shiny and not as dingy from the dirt” taking the piece from her hands Tomura place it down to see it better than he remembered and still having his grandmother and him inside of it. “Thank you [ ]. It means...alot to me, more thna youd ever know” Going into her kitchen she started some rice as she tried small talk with him “So...have you always been a vigilante?” Thinking abut the response her messed with a piece of his hair “ Well no...i wanted to be a hero one day but...my quirk is less helpful and more destructive” starting to get the steaks out she seasoned then placed them in the oven before siting down at the table with him “I think the power to disintegrate things could be wonderful as a rescuer! Hell you even saved me! And think if you didnt have that quirk , how would you get me out? Plus youre strong, you got me out with only a hand, youre really strong Tomu” Crimson eyes barely met her gaze.
Seeing her own energy mads him smile, hidden beind the mask he wore. “Uhm...may I?” Reaching for a hand [ ] looked at his eyes aas he wavered, sliding them away from her own “When i get nervous i feel like i loose control” Tomura said before [ ] just gently place her pinky on the glove “Im not afraid taht youd hurt me , i trust you okay?” Taking more of his hand in hers she rubbed the back of his glove, feeling the way he tensed wehn she traced his knuckles “See? Its okay yknow!” Smiling she got up to check the food, failing to see the way Tomura was going though a crisis under his mask, face flushing as she stirred and turned it off , letting both the rice and steak cool a bit before serving. Turning around [ ] saw how handsome her savior was. A soft , almost baby looking face was hidden under that protective mask , turned in a small frown as he fiddled with his hands “Wow...youre handsome” Scaring him from his thoughts Tomura couldnt hide the red that flushed his face as she giggled “Thanks...Ive never been told that before” Hearing him say that made [ ]’s heart twinge before grabbing two plates “Well they must not know the true beauty under your mask hm?” bringing over what she made she sat in front of him, handing him a fork before sitting infront of him “Here ya go! I wont say im a chief but I enjoy cooking yknow?” Now able to see him smile without a protection over majority of his face [ ] couldnt help her heart speeding up as he did. A comfortable silence feel between them as they ate and finished dinner, occasional jokes and small talk happening between them. She learned more about the powder blue haired male, that he wanted to be a hero but because he could disintegrate , they made fun of him and called him a villain instead. But finding a locket with a note attached from his grandmother changed that. She was strong, and a hero herself. She encouraged him to be one, for them to meet someday when he was older and him to become a great hero. It kept him strong, and its how hes a vigilante now. Happy to know more of his story [ ] explained how she wanted to be one too, but also wanted to make uniforms for them. The two went on into the night, talking about the issues outside and the running rapid of the villains whileist other things. Tomura learned that she liked video games which opened a whole new world of things thye could do together.
As midnight rolled around he started to get up , grabbing his things which caught [ ]’s attention “Your leaving?” Looking back at the doe like eyes he couldn't help but sigh and smile at her “Yeah...should go out and see whats to been seen” before he left she got up and strolled over to him “Well its unsafe out there, could you...maybe..stay?” With each word her voice got quieter before she was just silent, messing with his fingers “You want me to stay with you?” Tomura asked before she shook her head, eyes meeting his “Yknow youre nice..and i am a bit of a drifter..” Thinking over the odds out loud he gave her a small smile “Ill stay”
And that's how it was for weeks, them staying together in [ ]’s home, eating together, playing games, shopping for groceries. It was a comfortable thing between the two, sharing the place together like roomates. Tomura was like her protector, not letting her get very far without him and [ ] took care of him when he was injured or just needed reassurance. All and all everything was good except….he knew he had fell for her. [ ] was sweeet to him, gentle and overall just careful of how she helped him. She didnt rush him to anything, was gentle and gave him time to relax and to be comfortable with her. It was painful, for them to be close but yet have different opinions on how they feel about being close and for Tomura it was harder than usual for him having a crush on her.
Fiddling with a pen in the kitchen, Tomura heard [ ] come down the hall , skipping up to him as she gave him a smile he learned he was smitten for “Hey Tomu whatcha up to?” she asked as he gave her a smile of his own back “Ah just thinking about something….whats up?” He asked as the girl came over and gave him a hug, something he wasn’t used to but something he craved every day more than he’d like to admit. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders he chuckled as she slightly squeezed him tighter “Just wanted to check on you that’s all.” Going to move away [. ] felt Tomura pull her closer, burying his face atop her head “Tomu...whats wrong?” She asked as he said nothing, tightly holding her even more as she rubbed his back, knowing this was his silent way of showing he was worried about something “wh’ nt y be m’ plr wo” the male said, muffled on her head. Laughing, she moved her chin to his chest “What're you talking about?” He reluctantly pulled away , their eyes locking as he soon looked down, scratching his arm “I..nothing...thinking out loud. Don’t worry about it” Beofre he could slip away she grabbed his arm, turnighg him back to her. “Tomura...what is it?” Chewing his bottom lip he sided before taking her hand in his, rubbing the smooth skin with his rough glove “I said..why can’t you be my player two” Blinking almost comically [. ] giggled “Well I can be! What game do you wanna play?” Shaking his head Tomura dropped her hand , stepping back as he barely glanced at her “This game called life [. ]...I want to...have you around me all the time, I..really cherish having someone so sweet to me and who cares about me and how I feel..you make me feel more alive and comfortable in my skin then I’ve ever felt before..and I..want to be selfish and make you mine..” He finished with a sigh before looking out the window “ But I know you won’t feel the same so..it’s quite alright”
As soon as he said that he felt a hand at the back of his shirt, pulling him back to his crush, a woman he couldn’t face and now that he laid his feelings out he didn’t want her to pity him. “Tomura look at me” Hearing his full name scared him but Turning around he was surprised to see [. ]’s small smile growing to a larger one once he faced her “Here, give me your hand” Holding her own out he put his hand in hers. To make him even more disarray she undid his gloved to reveal his hands, damaged and scarred from before he could control his powers. Soon he felt soft lips his the bare skin, which every kiss an electric shock went through his body before he felt her fingers lace in his. Wide crimson eyes looked at soft [. ] ones as she took in a breath “I..I’m so happy you told me Tomu, I was afraid you were gonna leave here aha..” letting out a soft laugh she unwrapped a hand to hold his face “I would love to be your player two, I’ll be here for you as long as you need me okay?” Giving her a slight pout he barely lifted his own hand to trace a pinky on her cheek “But what if I need you forever” laughing again and moving closer she stood on her toes to rub noses “Then that’s what it’ll be” Becore he could stop himself he realeased her hand and pressed his lips against hers, hearing the soft gasp she let out as he pushed his lips harder on hers before he felt her relax, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him back just as hard. As the kiss got from hard and desperate they slowly started to get more intimate, the kiss softening up until Tomura pulled away breathless as [. ] was too, the both of them letting out light giggles “Wow..that was..” “Great..” Finishing his sentence [. ] gave him another hug, the two of them holding eachother in the middle of the floor “Hey [. ]..” he said as she hummed, before he continued “Let’s kiss again” Giggling she moved her head to meet his , lips sealing for another round of needed affection, the Rü them of their hearts drowning out the mayhem that brought them together.
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