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archonsabyss · 8 months

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╰─..✶. [ House Initiations ]

❒ pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader

❒ genre: fluff! suggestive! nsfw [mdni]

❒ warnings: lots of talk of fucking because it's Satoru and he's horny.

❒ wc: 972

─❒ authors note: 5am thots. I wish I could write for Suguru as easily as I write for Satoru, but I'm not complaining. Though you'd probably never tell I'm a Geto girl right?

Gojo Satoru who goes house hunting with you. But while you're taking this matter seriously; carefully inspecting every detail and scrutinizing every aspect, considering the smallest components to the grand picture, you're contemplating your life trying to envision a future to determine whether the place could truly become your home.

Satoru, on the contrary, is approaching this situation with a different level of seriousness, but in a completely different manner compared to you. He's got his hand on his chin with sharp narrowed eyes glaring through his tinted glasses, looking from one end to the other, and while you're conversing with the realtor, he's doing his own kind of envisioning.

After the sixth or seventh house and Satoru's sixth or seventh declination, you're walking up to him again, this time to interrogate your picky idiot of a partner and find out the reason why he's being so damn fussy.

"I like this one" You sighed tiredly, fingers massaging your stressed forehead.

"I do too, but it just doesn't have the element I'm looking for" Satoru would argue with a miniscule of guilt upon looking at your spent expression.

You sighed for the umpteenth time, hand on your hip and swearing under your breathe before telling the realtor it was a "no" yet again.

Skipping ahead to the next house, it was a relief that Satoru appeared to be fond of this one. He enthusiastically expressed his admiration with subtle words and nods, moving through the rooms, envisioning furniture placements and scrutinizing the walls and their angles, but his unwavering attention was particularly drawn to the kitchen, where he meticulously ran his hand over the marble countertops and closely observed the kitchen table.

He'd trudge back into the living room where you stood with a proud smile, directing his gaze at the realtor before settling on you. "This is the one"

"Are you sure" You asked deadpanned, blinking to make sure you heard correctly. The sense of relief that washed over you almost felt too good to be true.

Satoru grins ear to ear and nods. "I like this one. It's perfect"

On your ride home, Satoru's hand rests on your inner thigh while he sports a sly fox-like smirk that you're inclined to question.

"How'd you know that house was the one" You inquired, still in minor disbelief. "I mean- there wasn't much difference between that one and the previous one"

"It's perfect," He utters with a dreamy tone, leaving you puzzled and bewildered as you study him closely. Satoru goes on to elaborate, "The structure was spectacular, just on point"

"Uh uh" You're prompted to agree albeit confusion.

Satoru's hand squeezes your thigh, glancing at you from his peripheral vision. "Imagined fucking you in every position possible, pushed up against every wall, bent over every table. The kitchen was particularly nice, that table─ fuck. The thought of you spread across it had me drooling. And the bathroom─ god, babe, the bathroom had a full body lengthened mirror and the shower.."

"Fucking hell" You heaved, drawing in a sharp breathe before laughter wholeheartedly erupts from your chest, "You're fucking disgusting" You muffled between laughs but you don't mean it.. Kind of.

"House initiation, babe. Don't expect any less"

"Clearly I expected too much"

"I always deliver" He grins smugly, "Besides, you knew what you were getting into when you accepted and reciprocated my feelings. " He teases, a single finger sliding past your underwear and tracing the outlines of your pussy.

"I'll have the house setup, furnished and decorated in the next few days, we'll be able to move in by Tuesday the latest. Give you sometime to prepare─"

You tug Satoru's hand out from your pussy with a small moan, and he's side eyeing you with furrowed brows. No idea where you got the strength to reject his touch over the building pleasure. "Eyes on the road" You said weakly.

"You're canceling those plans. We said we'd furnish and redecorate the house together ourselves Satoru, you promised"

"I know but-"

"But nothing" You interject sternly. "I want to make it my home with my own two hands"

"But then you're going to get all serious and whatnot─ gona be so focused on that task you won't let me touch you till you're done. And we both know once you start, your indecisiveness isn't going to allow you to quit or take a breather and I'll be left touch starved" He dramatically exerts, feigning a pained expression and a few false sniffles.

"But just think of it this way Toru. Wouldn't it be more fun to fuck during the process of it all? One couch at a time.. Trying to set up things while your hands are all over me; and you being the perfect partner you are by helping me put the shelves and tables together while I touch you" Your hand flattens against the bulge in his jeans, convincing enough.

Satoru grumbles and moans, eyes flickering from the road to you before going back to the road. The idea sounds fun. It sounds fucking amazing.. Certainly more thrill and anticipation than just fucking every corner with the house already furnished by someone else.

"Okay you have me. We can do whatever you want! However long it takes! However much money it drains from my bank account! As long as you make good on that promise baby"

"Count on it" You squeeze his bulge and fuck, Satoru speeds home. Never been more grateful for your current apartment being only a few minutes out.

And maybe a celebration is in order after purchasing your first house together.

☣ copyright @archonsabyss all rights reserved // do not copy; steal; plagiarize; reword or repost my works to any other platform! No translations!! All credits to original owners of characters/anime/pictures that are not my own!

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diazsdimples · 6 months

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WIP Wednesday!

Tagged by @theotherbuckley @callmenewbie @wikiangela and @cal-daisies-and-briars. Here's a snippet of Christopher and Buck from my Buddie parenting fic!

After having lost precious hours of sleep from his 5am wakeup, Buck was particularly reluctant to get out of bed and begin setting up the dining room for Aidan’s birthday. In the end, it was the appearance of a 13-year-old Christopher, slouching into their room and whining about being hungry, that eventually got Buck up. “Are you suddenly incapable of making yourself cereal?” Buck asked as he padded down the hallway, Christopher trailing after him. Christopher shrugged. “Dad said you were going to make pancakes” he explained. “Of course he did” Buck muttered darkly, suppressing a yawn. “Alright, you get the table set and I’ll start making them, sound good?” Christopher watched as Buck bustled around the kitchen with amusement. He wondered how long it would take before Buck would remember that he’d had this whole elaborate plan for breakfast, mainly involving setting out Aidan’s presents in front of his place at the table and watching his face light up when he realised that yes, everything on that table was for him. Christopher gave Buck the benefit of the doubt as he watched his step-dad gather all the ingredients, but when Buck flicked on the stove-top, Christopher took pity on him. “Buck?” “Hmm?” Buck hummed, preoccupied as he flicked a knob of butter into the pan. “You’re forgetting something” Christopher said, extremely helpfully. Buck quickly flickered his eyes over the ingredients. “Don’t think so bud, I’ve got everything here” he replied. Christopher stifled a laugh. “I guess Aidan isn’t getting any presents this year then?” he replied, innocently. Christopher saw Buck’s back stiffen as he froze, realisation dawning on him. “Shit” Christopher watched as Buck flew out of the kitchen, a panicked look on his face. “I’m telling Dad you said that!” he called after Buck’s retreating back and Buck’s head popped back around the doorway. “You’ll keep your damn mouth shut if you know what’s good for you” Buck replied, pointing a finger threateningly at Christopher. Christopher crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow, looking for all the world like his father. “I get an extra scoop of ice cream for a month, and you do my math homework for me” he replied, matching Buck’s negotiatory stance. Buck narrowed his eyes. When the hell did his kid get so lippy? “I’ll give you the same amount I give Dad and me, and I’ll whisper the answers to you so your dad thinks you’re doing it yourself”. Christopher grinned. “Deal”. Buck held up his pinkie finger and Christopher copied the gesture, feeling extremely smug as Buck spun on his heel and zoomed down the hall to his and Eddie’s room. Man, Christopher loved his step-dad so much.

(No pressure) tagging @thosetwofirefighters @evanbegins @malewifediaz @thewolvesof1998 @eddiebabygirldiaz @monsterrae1 @watchyourbuck @fionaswhvre @disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @wildlife4life @housewifebuck @incorrect9-1-1 @knightlywonders @loserdiaz @hoodie-buck @littlespoonevan @elvensorceress @gayedmundodiaz (let me know if you want to be added/removed)

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capn-twitchery · 5 months

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⚔️ for Twitch and 🛌 for Grace!

⚔️ — Do they have a particular fighting style/signature weapon?

currently, twitch's "signature weapon" is....the sword they got from grace, which he only gave them because they wanted something as payment to get him out of the arctic

(really, they probably would have accepted a suitable amount of juicy gossip or interesting stories. but they weren't gonna tell him that. it's a nice sword! they like it! besides, grace didn't seem like he wanted to talk very much. who knows why!)

for fighting style, i think twitch is very good at swordfighting, but also i feel like they fight like a fucking maniac. i wish i knew how to elaborate on that but i do not

semi related behind-the-scenes news is that the sword i draw twitch with is based on the real late 19th century swords from the royal navy..they're very fancy!

🛌 — How’s their sleep schedule?

grace used to be great at keeping a sleep schedule! military precision. up at 5am and early to bed, every day, like clockwork. but now, not so much.

in the Neath, there's obviously no sun to guide a sleep schedule by. not to mention, he's too on edge to easily fall asleep anymore, and he seems to have a lot more nightmares than he used to since coming here.

(also sometimes twitch will swing by his townhouse at random hours to hide from constables which doesn't help)

he's tried many times to get a schedule back in place, but it never works. so currently, it's in the same shape as everything else (bad)

FL OC ASK GAME

#inquiries #giaffa #thank you for the ask!! :D #these are very fun to do #twitchery #grace

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davenweenie · 1 year

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I absolutely do not care that I’ve already posted Lab Rats HCs today and that it was stupidly long, I’m posting again and as stated previously you all have to deal with it.

-Chase actually loves cats, he wants a pet cat but he can’t have one because of his allergies. Super sneezes are no joke. Super sneeze = super mucus.

-Kaz wants a pet dog but all the team have convinced him not to get one because of multiple reasons. (They live in a penthouse, Chase is horrendously allergic, Bree doesn’t want dog fur or slobber on her clothes, Douglas will implant bionics in it, none of them are responsible enough to take care of a living animal. They can barley take care of themselves)

-Kaz really want to wake Chase up with a cup of coffee one day but Chase is always awake before him

-Chase wakes up at 5AM every day. 6AM if he wants to sleep in. He has a very strict routine that he follows every day and will get very upset if something is disrupted.

-Contrary to popular belief, Chase actually enjoys pranking people. People assume he’s going to be a fun killer and tell people not to prank each other but he’s the master of pranks in their new home. He learned everything he knows from Adam and Mr Davenport.

-Chase knew Kaz and Oliver would be pulling pranks on Halloween so he set up this elaborate prank involving lots of hyper realistic holograms. He set it so that Kaz or Oliver would see fake spider eggs and mess with them. The mechanism would start up the holograms and make it look like the whole place was starting to become swarmed with spiders. He knows Kaz and Oliver are both terrified of spiders. They practically sh!it themselves. The girls found it hilarious.

-Chase loves talking to Skylar about her home planet. Chase loves anything to do with space, it’s one of his special interests. Skylar also loves talking about Caldera so it’s a win-win. Chase gets all giddy and excited whenever they talk about space.

-Douglas knows that Skylar+Bree and Kaz+Chase are dating. Nobody has told him but he knows. Douglas knows everything. He’s very observant.

-This hc is based on a fic I recently read called (correct me if I’m wrong) Sultan of Stupid. Basically Oliver is totally oblivious and doesn’t know that Chase and Kaz are dating. He also doesn’t realise Bree and Skylar are together until Skylar said ‘please stop crushing on me, I’m too lesbian to go out with you’ which makes Oliver stop in his tracks. Why are all his teammates gay?

-Following that one up, Oliver is the only straight one in the team. He’s the biggest ally (other than Tasha) you will ever meet. He gets more excited about pride than the actual LGBTQ+ team members get.

-Adding to that as well, ever since Leo and Chase came out (yes, they came out together, they planned it all out so it would be perfect like the autistic people they are) Tasha has been one of those overly supportive mums who buys anything with a rainbow on it and gives it to them saying ‘look at this really cute *insert whatever object* I found at the store!’ and they all love her for it.

-Adam came out just after Leo and Chase, he didn’t realise coming out was something he was supposed to do. Also he was fed up of being asked by people which girl he was taking to prom because he wanted to take a boy to prom. Not a girl.

-Bree never came out. She didn’t have to. Nor did she want to. She didn’t think it was necessary to tell people her identity. She believes people shouldn’t have to come out, that people should just love who they want without being pressured to slap a label on it and tell people. She announced she was dating Skylar but that was it.

-Kaz is awesome at dealing with Chase’s dysphoria. Oliver is trans too, so he has years of experience dealing with horribly dysphoric trans boys. However a bionic one is a bit different to a human one. Because Chase had had top surgery when he was 13. Davenport just had the technology to do that without damaging his growth (don’t ask me how, I’m not too sure either. Just go with it) and Chase had also been on hormones since he was 15. His bionic infrastructure meant that it was harder for his body to absorb testosterone since it had been wired to that of a female. Their bionics are designed to reject any foreign substances, so he’s not as masculine as he wants to be. Kaz is always assuring him that there isn’t a certain way to be a man and he is a man, with or without hormones

-people forget that Kaz and Oliver are literally doctors. I hc them to be the medics of the team. They also mother everyone a lot. Even with a tiny paper cut they will insist you have some attention to it.

-Chase swears the most out of everyone. Mr Davenport grew tired of ‘language-ing’ him and just gives him disappointed looks every time Chase cusses. It’s usually directed at stubborn inventions that won’t do what he wants them to do. He also swears as filler words if he’s with his friends. He’s very professional when he needs to be.

-Kaz is always finding excuses to touch Chase. ‘Oh I was just wiping dirt off your arm’ ‘you had something in your hair’ ‘your hands looked cold’ etc

-although Kaz is shorter than Chase, he’s more buff, so when Chase wears Kaz’s clothes he looks hilarious because they’re around two to three sizes too big.

-if you’ve ever watched Heartstopper you’ll know what scene I’m on about. The scene where Charlie opens up his closet and there’s about 50 pairs of Converse in there. That’s what I imagine Chase’s collection of high tops to look like.

-Chase wears high tops because they help with his hypermobility in his ankles. I hc all the Davenport siblings to have hypermobility bc of how they were made. It’s amazing they don’t have more health issues considering they were made in a lab (I assume, since there’s no talk of their mother) and implanted with bionics at a very young age. You’re literally putting robot components into a human, something is bound to go wrong somewhere.

Another ramble over. I hope anyone who ends up reading this enjoys my stupidly long word vomit.

#lab rats #chase davenport #donald davenport #bree davenport #adam davenport #leo dooley #tasha davenport #elite force #mighty med #kaz mighty med #oliver mighty med #skylar storm #chase x kaz #I’m still excited #and I’m still rambling #these are still way too long #headcanons

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dunnswrld · 2 years

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i would like to place this down for when requests are open again, because i might forget. but my bam heart would like some elaboration on thiss

please and thank you <3

Jealousy

a/n: Sorry if this is a bad elaboration.. it's almost 5am and I fought to stay awake while writing this but told myself I needed to write at least one thing before bed so here we go!

prompt: See photo sent in request above :)

warnings: Fem!reader, fighting, clubbing, descriptions of blood

It all had happened so quickly you barley could process what had happened.

You were sitting at the bar in the club you were in, you and the rest of the Jackass guys thought you deserved a break from filming stunts for the second movie and decided the best way to let loose was to go out clubbing of course.

You wore a simple white dress and heels, nothing too special. But to the guy next to you you were basically a super model. He was showering you with compliments and even buying your drinks. You weren't the type to get mad at free drinks so you decided to just entertain the man and if things got out of hand simply just go find one of the guys.

Plus he wasn't that bad looking of a guy.

But what you didn't know was that one of the guys was watching very closely from a booth, that guy being Bam.

Bam and you had been best friends since you moved next door to him when you were only five and he was only six. You were even there when he did his first stunt, jumping off his roof, in fact you jumped off the roof with him right after he had jumped.

But what you didn't know was ever since that day Bam was practically in love with you. He didn't know what clicked in his head that day when you two jumped off his roof or if it was because of how hard he hit his head, but he was head over heels for you and you couldn't even notice after all these years.

Bam also wasn't the type to express his feelings, often hiding them in order to keep up his Jackass persona. Very few people saw his emotional side but even the people that saw it said it only lasted a few minutes before his persona was standing high up once again.

So when people would say you two would be a cute couple Bam was quick to begin to fake gag and say how disgusting that would be. Which did hurt him a lot to say because he wanted more than anything in the world to have you be his girlfriend.

So to sum things up Bam was in love with you, and you didn't even have the idea in your head he thought of you like that in anyway.

Bam watched from across the club like a hawk, watching how the guy spoke to you and slid you more shots. But when the guy gently put his hand on the back of your chair he wanted to burst, did this guy really think you were into him? Were you into him?

You were smiling and laughing, even taking the shots the man would hand you. If anything to Bam it seemed like the guy had you right in the spot he wanted, and that spot was being able to take you home with him.

Bam watched as the guys hand soon moved around your waist. Pulling you closer to him as he looked at you and you looked at him, and that's when the switch in Bam's head finally flicked and he slammed his beer down on the booth table and made his way out of the booth.

Poor Ryan was confused on why his friend left the booth so angrily, was his story about how he got his most recent tattoo really that boring?

Bam marched to the other side of the club to the bar where you and the guy sat. Once he was close enough to you Bam wasted zero time grabbing the guys hand from your waist harshly and ripping it off you.

You quickly turned to see who had just ripped the person buying your drinks hand off you, needless to say you were shocked when you saw Bam standing to your right with a drunk, angry look on his face.

"Bam? What are you doing?" You asked gently, trying to avoid any possible problems. "The hell is your problem man?" The guy- that you still haven't gotten the name off- asked. "What's my problem? You. You are my fucking problem." Bam snapped back quickly.

"I'm your fucking problem? I haven't done shit to you. Hell I don't even fucking know you." "Well I don't want you to know me or her. So stop stop being my problem tonight yeah?" Bam replied in a smart-ass tone only adding fuel to the already burning fire.

"How am I your problem? I'm sitting here trying to have a good time and out of no where you come over here thinking you own the fucking place." The guy spoke, his tone only getting more aggressive by the minute. "You're my problem cause you can't keep your hands to your fucking self!"

"Woah woah alright no need to get aggressive. Here Bam, let's go to the booth ok?" You said jumping off your bar stool next to Bam, really not wanting a fight on your night off. "You're really going to leave cause this asshole wants to control your night?" The guy said. Your body tensing up as you realized that something was defiantly going to happen.

"Are you mad your tiny dick is getting blue balled ass-face?" Bam snapped with a cocky smirk on his face. "You're acting like I can't find some other whore in the same slutty dress to sleep with here." You almost watched as Bam's temper bar finally reached its limit, he looked like he was going to explode, and that's just what he did.

Bam shoved the bar stool you once sat in to the floor and landed a hard punch to the guys face. The guy fell backwards as you quickly tried grabbing Bam's arm to pull him off- but Bam easily shook out of your grip and almost jumped onto the guy as he began to punch him.

But the guy didn't just sit there and take it, he was quick to try and block Bam's hits while trying to hit him as well. But Bam was running off anger, adrenaline, and alcohol so in the moment this guys hits were only soft grazes to Bam's face.

Bam began shouting things at the guy that was going in one of your ears and out the other, you weren't paying attention to what he was saying because all you were trying to do was pull bam off before the bouncers got called and you guys would be in deep shit.

"Bam stop it's fine he didn't mean it alright!" You said trying to pull him off by his arm, but Bam only ripping his arm out of your grip as him and the man kept fighting.

It wasn't until you saw the familiar faces of Ryan and Johnny shoving through the crowd that hurdled around the fight that broke out. Ryan was quick to grab his friend from the back and yank him off the man, Johnny standing between the guy and Bam being held back by Ryan just incase Bam broke out of Ryan's grasp.

"Let me go damn it!" Bam said as he tried to rip off the bear hug like grip Ryan's arms had on him. "Nope not happening. Time to go." Ryan said in a tired like tone. You followed Ryan and he practically carried a very angry Bam out of the club. You turned your head back to see the guy his face almost covered in his own blood as he was arguing with Johnny who looked like he was just trying to calm the guy down to avoid any police related issues.

Ryan used his foot as he kicked open the entrance door to the bar and walked out, you followed behind him closely as profanities seemed to pool out of Bam's mouth. Ryan dropped his friend once they were far enough for comfort from the club entrance.

"Why the fuck did you pull me off Dunn? He totally deserved that ass beating he had!" Bam yelled. "Bam I understand in your eyes he might've but now think logically. If he calls the cops you're going to jail for assault." Bam stayed quiet as his friend scolded him just like how April would.

"Yn take this jackass back to the hotel, I'm going to go back in and try my best to make this guy not press any fucking charges." You nodded at Ryan's words before he turned back to the club and made his way back in.

Bam began walking in the direction the hotel was in once Ryan was inside the club, you quickly followed behind Bam. As you walked behind Bam you kicked off your heels and carried them in your hand, not wanting to get any blisters even though the walk was short.

The walk back to the hotel was silent, nothing being said between you and Bam the whole five minute walk back. Every so often Bam would turn his head back to make sure you were still following behind him and that you were indeed ok.

When you and Bam finally returned back to the hotel and back to the floor you all were staying on you watched as Bam dug in his pockets trying to find his key card that wasn't there. Bam ran his hands through his hair as he let out a large sigh.

He turned to his right where he saw you unlocking your room with your key card.

"Sorry to bother you even more tonight but I'm an idiot and lost my key card. Could I stay in your room till Ryan gets back?" Bam asked in a tired tone.

This was your first time getting a good look at Bam's face since he started the fight. His nose bleed heavily and dripped down to his nose to his mouth and down his chin, his left eye swollen and was obvious that it was soon going to turn purple.

"Yeah of course, I'll clean you up too." You said with a soft smile as you pushed open your hotel door. Bam letting out a gentle sigh of relief when you agreed to letting him in your room even after the scene he had made at the club. You walked into your hotel room and Bam followed behind you. The door shutting softly behind him as he walked in.

You threw your heals into your room and gently grabbed Bam's arm, leading him to the small hotel bathroom. You flicked the light on and pointed to the toilet for Bam to take a seat, which he did exactly.

You opened the cupboards under the sink and grabbed the first aid kit the hotel had provided. You shut the cupboards and placed the first aid kit on the sink counter where you opened it and began to dig out all the things you think you would need.

You grabbed the towel hanging near the sink and turned on the sink and damped the towel with cold water. You took a step in the open space between Bam's legs, and began to gently whip away at the blood that dripped from his nose.

All Bam could do was gently shut his eyes as he gently wrapped his arms around your lower waist, the cold towel wiping away the hot blood from his face felt relieving.

"You didn't need to do that you know?" You said gently. "I couldn't let him call you a whore and a slut." Bam replied in the same gentle tone. You grabbed Bam's hands from your waist and looked at his knuckles that were scratched and bloody, you held his left hand in yours and gently began wiping each knuckle off.

"Words don't hurt me, Bam." "I don't care, he shouldn't talk about you like that." "He wasn't talking to me like that before you ripped his hand off me like that." You said. You gently let go of Bam's left hand and grabbed his right hand and began to wipe away at the bloody scratches.

"He didn't need to touch you like that either." Bam said as he watched you wipe off his knuckles. "Why not?" You asked, you were actually curious on why Bam thought he didn't need to be touching your waist. "Cause it should've been my hand." You froze at his response to your question.

Out of all the things the curly haired boy could've said you weren't expecting him to say that. "Your hand?" You asked as your eyes looked into Bam's crystal blue eyes. "I was jealous. There's no other way to say it other than I was jealous he was touching you like that and I wasn't." You only looked at Bam as you tried to process the fact he was confessing to you as you cleaned up his bloody knuckles.

"I like you. It's apparent now because I just beat some guys ass over him flirting with you." Bam said, letting out a breathless chuckle. "Why'd you never tell me?" You asked, setting the towel on the counter of the sink giving Bam your full attention.

But all Bam did in response to your question was shrug and look down at his shoes. His persona barrier starting to rise up, but before it could you gently grabbed his face and made him look at you.

"Maybe if you told me sooner that could've been your hand, Margera." You smiled gently. Bam let out a soft chuckle as he wrapped his arms around you again and pulled you closer to him, his head resting on your chest as you moved your hands to his hair and gently wrapped them around his curly head of hair.

"I've liked you since that day we jumped off my roof when we were kids." Bam admitted, his cheeks glowing a shade of red as he finally told you. "I started liking you when we were in high school and you filled that guy who used to make fun of me locker with moldy old apples you saved for months just for that." You giggled as you remembered the memory.

"He deserved that." Bam laughed. "He really." You said with a laugh. Bam and you stayed in the hugging position you two were in, Bam feeling at peace in your arms and knowing you in fact had mutual feelings for him.

"Do you want to maybe sleep in my room tonight?" You asked. "Yeah, yeah I would like that." Bam said. All you did was smile softly to yourself as you gently brushed your fingers through Bam's curls. A comfortable silence filled the bathroom as Bam's grip around your hips gently tightened.

"Hey Yn?"

"Yeah Bam?"

"My nose was totally bleeding this whole time and got all over your dress. Sorry."

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stardew-obsessed-ora · 6 months

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hi do you have any headcanons involving morris and the junimos (or maybe just magic in general) ?

Hiiii anon! Thank you so much for the ask! This was actually quite the interesting topic to think about, so thank you for that! I apologize for how long this took to pump out. I was so busy with college math that I wasn't really able to focus on writing. Regardless, I'm excited to finally be able to sit down and answer this!

(Some of this is going to be based on the before the farmer comic)

Word count: 1,621

tiny bit of angst but it gets better! ∼ ~~◡◡◡◡ ~~ ⥽ Ⅰ ⥼ ~~◡◡◡◡~~ ∽

For starters, the Junimos have made themselves somewhat known to Morris for quite some time. Not in a positive way, of course. They were there when Joja was first making its presence known within the valley. Maybe they were trying to ward the company off with what little mischief they could pull? Or maybe they just wanted to use what little remaining power they had to screw with the man before shriveling up due to the continued environmental damage from the corporation.

From the first day he started working as a district manager onward, they would appear out of the corner of his eye. He thought it might’ve been flickers of light, or maybe he was just up too early? That was probably it. This went on for weeks, months even. It was maddening. It was hard enough setting up a new store in town, but with the added paranormal activity? That wasn’t what he signed up for.

He would clock in at 5am sharp each day, do a routine check of everything and make a mental note of what needed to be done, the usual. And then- something would fall. Morris, being rather jumpy, would flinch every single time without fail. Whenever he checked the room where the source of the sound was, however, there was nothing on the ground. There wasn’t a single trace of what could’ve made the noise. Of course, there were boxes being perpetually scattered from their uniform positions, but they couldn’t have made such loud noises.

There were numerous meetings with his employees regarding the incidents. If it wasn’t just him, it had to be some elaborate prank, right? These meetings would go from casual reminders of company policy regarding messing around on company time, threats that whoever was to be found wasting so much time on an elaborate scheme as opposed to getting the upper-hand working would be fired, to subtle pleas for whoever it was to turn themselves in and that their punishment wouldn’t actually be that bad.

“What if it’s like- raccoons? Those little guys can go crazy all on their lonesome. I remember one time mom had accidentally messed up a recipe, so she threw the most burnt pieces out, and a few hours later we found like- all kinds of trash on our lawn!”

“Respectfully, I think I’d know if they were raccoons, Sam. I’d have come across the mess already. And- I’d probably have come across one of the raccoons on my daily searches. I’m very methodical with my process.”

“Also… sorry to butt in- I’d probably hear them coming in. I’m always here early.” And then Claire yawns. “I hear a bit of rustling, but it’s not really… that obstructive.”

“Seriously? So you’re inattentive. There’s no way you’re not hearing- well- what I’m referring to.”

“They say regions like this tend to be a bit haunted.” “Haunted? Seriously?!” “Yeah, next thing we know Morris’ll start seeing the lights flicker when nobody else does. Then, he’ll see his reflection laugh at him. And then-”

“Shane, enough. Seriously. Spirits aren’t real. They’re mere fairy-tales at best.” “Fine, alright. If it’s such an issue, why don’t you install cameras?”

“For your information, we actually do have- wait.” And then he checked the cameras. It became somewhat routine for him to skim through the footage daily in an attempt to find anything incriminating. Maybe he’d catch the person putting him through this annoying, relentless hell if he remained vigilant?

As much as he wanted to act like he wasn’t unnerved by the thought of the Jojamart being haunted or something, he was. Horror terrified him, he was the kid who dove behind the couch whenever something even slightly unnerving came on the television. He didn’t want to be living through a real life horror movie! Maybe he should’ve just accepted the raccoon suggestion… Thumbing through the camera footage, he became distraught. He, in fact, did not catch anything. The most paranormal thing he did catch, in his mind, were both Shane and Sam doing their jobs exactly as he had asked. Great, so that was a fruitless- wait. Checking the camera in the storage room, he saw something. He saw several of the boxes rustling, moving on their own then stopping. If all of his employees were at their stations, then what was..?

He decided to investigate himself.

“Hey, Mors. Don’t die back there, kay? It’s always the people going on investigations themselves that get caught in horror movies!”

“Shane, I’ll dock your pay if you don’t get back to your station.”

“Goooot it.”

The first time he stepped into the storage room and heard squeaking he assumed it was rats. Great, they had an infestation on their hands. Another lengthy email to corporate. And then- he saw a flicker of green, a dash of blue, and- an apple stem? There they were. The Junimos. It was ridiculous, but he wanted to run away. Even if they looked cutesy, they were spirits- ghosts- supernatural beings, for crying out loud! In his moment of panic he stood, pale and wide eyed as he observed the creatures.

And then his panic quickly subsided, replaced with soft laughter.

“Is this a prank? Some kind of toy? Seriously…” When he tried to pick the creature up, it quickly hopped away, then reappeared behind him. Of course, Morris, being stubborn, doubled down on his internal viewpoint that they were toys. The squeaking didn’t help. Neither did their bouncy movements or overly cartoonish faces. He thought they were toys for the remainder of his encounters with them.

Regardless of how much they tried to keep him on his toes, annoy him, make him resign and bring peace back to the valley. They couldn’t get under his skin as they had his first few months of working.

I like imagining the Junimo are very determined little creatures, however. They both don’t understand human emotion very well, and also don’t understand the concept of knowing when to quit. They continued to make messes, hit against things to make unruly sounds, appear out of the corner of his eye, but it only made him crack down further on policies regarding workplace ethics and appropriate behavior.

Of course, this wasn’t to say Morris didn’t humor the “toy” he had found. At times he’d act scared, or frantically pick the mess it had made up, or try again to pick it up, somewhat impressed at the fact it had such sharp reflexes. If only the person controlling it put those skills to something productive.

When he’d spot one of a color other than green he wondered if the person who owned the toy had invested in multiple just to freak him out.

He found them kind of cute, and almost endearing. A part of him thought about pitching an idea to corporate regarding Joja potentially making their own line of the little things.

Before he knew it, however, the ruckus stopped.

The little creatures stopped squeaking, they stopped rummaging through the back room of the store, they stopped appearing out of the corners of his eye. The Junimos were losing their magic within the valley, and the spread of Joja was at fault. They couldn’t even ward off one store chain from the valley with the best of their abilities.

When he finds the last Junimo he almost jumps out of his skin at the sight of it. Anything unexpected caused him to jump, let alone one of the very things that had tried to annoy him for months on end. But now, there it was, its little leaf hung low and its eyes half shut in defeat.

Of course he was confused. A toy shouldn’t have been that expressive. Maybe it was another one? Maybe it-

And then, it disappeared. Right in front of his eyes, to his own dismay. Its little leaf had withered away, followed by the rest of it.

Panic, worry, and a strange sense of guilt filled his chest as he would bolt from the storage room. The realization they weren’t toys and that he had spent months pinning their appearances on employees embarrassed him, yet also, terrified him. Up until that moment he had assumed fairy tales, magic, and things of the like were fake.

Afterwards, he spent months making sure the Jojamart wasn’t haunted or anything like that. It was ridiculous, but nobody bothered stopping him. It took time he spent chewing them out for meticulous things away, and kept him preoccupied.

For a while, he tried asking other townsfolk about what he saw, being met only with confused glances and a few remarks here and there regarding him possibly losing it.

It made him feel crazy.

When the farmer actually reaffirmed the existence of the little fellas he had seen, it lifted a weight off of his shoulders. He didn’t have to feel even remotely worried that his unhealthy work hours were actually taking a toll on him. Nope!

And yet, it still made him feel bad.

Bad, as in wondering if something had happened to them that might’ve been caused by him. Or- by the collective efforts of the corporation he had been working so tirelessly for, anyways. It ultimately helped feed into his doubt regarding whether or not what he was doing was truly right.

It wasn’t until after the community center had been rebuilt that he saw the little fellas again. He was tending to his garden when he spotted something from the corner of his eye. He thought it was an animal, or perhaps just something blowing in the wind.

That's when he saw it, a Jumino making its way onto his property with a flower in tow. A white tulip.

It takes the Junimos a while to grasp the concept, but they realize Morris wasn't intentionally trying to fuck up the valley. He was just a victim of circumstance. So, after coming to this profound realization, I like imagining they occasionally drop off little flowers of varying positive meanings at his door to both reassure him that he didn't help permanently ward them off and to show that there's no hard feelings.

(also this takes away from the more serious nature of these hcs but if he could grab one of the little guys i do think he'd squish it in his hand. he finds them really cute outside of the initial five nights at junimos encounter he had)

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i-am-beckyu · 1 year

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Fake Fic titles:

-Search History: How to Get a Demon Out of My Garage, Demon in Garage has Started Crying and Sizzling is Bad?, How to Stop Demons from Crying, How to Unsummon Demon From Garage

-Apocalypse Eyes

-No Friends? Build Your Own

-House Arrest

-Piano Man

Search History: How to Get a Demon Out of My Garage, Demon in Garage has Started Crying and Sizzling is Bad?, How to Stop Demons from Crying, How to Unsummon Demon From Garage

(I love this title)

Why isn't the internet helping him?! It was a joke! A stupid youtube video idea! HOW IS THERE A FLIPPEN DEMON IN HIS GARAGE?!! AND IT WON'T STOP CRYING?? THE WEIRD TINY YELLOW AND BLACK DEMON IS CRYING IN RANBOO'S GARAGE. AND SOEMTHING IS DEFINATELY BURNING? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!?!?!

or Tubbo a tiny bee hybrid thought it would be funny to play a prank on the human Ranboo he secretly lives with but bent his wing while chasing them around the garage and now it hurts.

this would just be a lot of screaming in fic form I recon

Apocalypse eyes

mmmm no idea's for this one apart from Giant XD with many many many eyes. that's all I got lol

No Friends? Build Your Own

Tubbo has always liked to build things. Elaborate machines, fixing trinkets, a very much not model bomb that was totally not a police violation.... YEP! Loves to tinker.

But he's lonely

So what do you do when you know how to build things? Build your own friend!!! He's been working on getting the robot to move and walk about with a little remote control, next comes artificial intelligence. *looks at clock. It's 5am* Maybe in the morning... *wakes up and walks into work shop* "Hello new friend. How are you today?" "I'm well Tubbo, how are you?"

*Tubbo staring in shock.* "WTF?!?!?"

or Tubbo is lonely human. Tommy is lonely tiny who decides a giant robot is the perfect way to make a new friend.

SOMEONE WANNA STEAL THIS? TAG ME TAG ME TAG ME!!!

House Arrest

Philza is under house arrest. It's boring. No one to talk to, nothing to do, just him and the occasional 'visit'. At least the crows would come by with gifts. Rings, gold nuggets, the occasional emerald, a tiny diamond man, feathers for quills, bits of iron... wait. go back

A tiny diamond man?

I thought it would be funny to just throw Smcykeppy in there lol

Piano Man

A tiny tommy lives in Wilbur's walls and constantly gets to hear the musician play. He adores them. For Tommy, its like he's living at a free concert where he gets to hear a songs progression from start to finish.

So to hear his idol struggling over one of his songs just won't do. He should record something to cheer them up!

So with all his might, he jumps across the piano (the only instrument he can semi play at his size) and plays a few miscellaneous notes which he manages to record.

When Wilbur comes back, he has no idea why there's this random piano recording on his computer but he swears he here's some very quiet muffled slurs in amongst the cuts. It's quite amusing. But the recording itself would work really good on this bit of the song here...

(I have so many more ideas for this one but I'm stopping here)

Anon these were fabulous. I loved these!! No friends, Build your own and Piano Man are definitely two fun aus I kinda wanna dive in and write. Maybe I will, maybe I won't who knows!

#MAN I SO NEEDED TO DO THIS #THE IDEAS ARE FLOWING AGAIN #This feels refreshing lol #anon my beloved #you are a genius title giver #fake fic title game #beckyu writes #mcyt gt #mcyt g/t #multiple characters #mcyt gt community #dsmp g/t #dsmp gt

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khytal · 2 years

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Would you mind elaborating on how you think stories in games are declining?

yeah I can do that I talked about it a little on twitter the other night

to start I just want to mention that this is based on the games I've played recently, so if you're thinking "well [this game] had a great story" I probably. didn't play it, or plan to sometime

also this is just an observation I'm making about myself. it's not very organized i'm typing this up at 5am

so this is about how good ghost trick's story is. as in so good, the feeling of finishing a game with no questions about anything significant was entirely foreign to me; and it may be the only game to ever make me feel like that for a long time

frankly I don't know if I just chose the wrong new games to play this year, or if it's the whole "sequels are generally worse than the original" thing, or if I've gotten picky about stories, or all of the above (probably all of the above and then some) but ghost trick made me realize I haven't played a single story-driven game (released in 2022) where I came out of the credits satisfied

just "...huh. ok. that's it then I guess"

however, I played a number of older titles where I was like "ohhh that was so good. wow" and was overall happy with the experience

but it's not really just limited to 2022; a lot of the games I played in 2021 too were lacking and/or didn't stick the landing in their stories

these include: p5 strikers (though I played that for the combat so I enjoyed it), ntwewy, lost judgment, nirvana initiative, and xenoblade 3 (this is a weird one bc I didn't dislike it but I didn't feel very strongly opinionated about it when I finished the game)

(tales of arise had several issues but I actually liked the ending a lot so it's an exception)

and then. there are some games I played that weren't story-driven, but had an interesting premise and just. dropped it completely somewhere along the way, or half-assed the explanations: monster hunter rise, world's end club, and smt5

rise is only here bc I thought the thing with the elder dragons speaking through the twins was really cool. and then it turned out to be nothing. but this leads into one of my points: that a lot of games are being released unfinished so players are compelled to buy dlc promising new story content for the loose threads that weren't wrapped up in the base game. and sometimes it still doesn't cover everything important that's missing

although rise doesn't count bc we got the rest of the story in free updates, it WAS literally unfinished at launch. extra content being released in paid dlc has been discussed by plenty of other people though (I just think it's one of the more significant factors contributing to why stories have felt. lacking) so. moving on

my big takeaway after playing ghost trick was that I had grown accustomed to stories that just. have the most slap-a-bandaid-on-it-and-call-it-good endings/explanations ever. I was used to being disappointed (in a "well that was a letdown" way, not an "I'm gonna miss this" way) when the credits rolled. I picked up games that promised a good story and expected important plot lines to never be addressed, because it's happened SO many times

in other words, gt caught me off guard because there was an entirely reasonable answer to every potential question I had. it's like when someone shuts your argument down so completely that you're speechless

this has also been discussed by others but I think being too hypercritical of little things/refusing to suspend disbelief is a "harmful" mindset to have. if you keep actively trying to nitpick something so you can go "I knew it!! this SUCKS" then of course you're going to be hard-pressed to find a "perfect" piece of media

and while I consider myself someone who's fully willing to go "okay, sure" in the moment, I've been exposed to so many posts that read so deeply into something incredibly minor that now I can't help but raise an eyebrow at things I never would've given a second thought to before,,,,,whenever that started

so I guess my other point here is that it feels like a lot of people don't let themselves enjoy stories when the plot gets a little nonsensical at times, or just get super hung up on the flaws. there's a difference between a game with an ending that's so bad you never want to play it again, and a game that was mostly solid but This One Negligible Thing absolutely ruined it for you

and I'm not trying to tell anyone what to enjoy or how to enjoy it but I think people could stand to not focus on the negatives so much, because it makes some stories seem a lot worse than they. actually are

xenoblade 3 is currently kind of getting this treatment (or it's at least pretty divisive from what I can tell), but some of it is actually warranted criticism while the rest of it is a lack of media literacy/not picking up on the show-don't-tell

anyway TL;DR ghost trick is the most complete game, story-wise, that I've ever played. I can't compare any other game to it bc it's on an entirely different level, but at the same time I now know what it feels like to finish a game wholly satisfied with its conclusion. and writers should put more care into the stories they've crafted for their games, particularly if they've been planning it for multiple years (though I'm aware that time constraints/pressure from higher-ups/other variables like that are detrimental to the creative process)

#anonymous #this is a long post #uhhhhh yeah idk if this is coherent i cannot think anymore #i will not engage in further discussion unless i can answer it in 10 minutes bc writing this took way too much time-

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autisticsociologymajor · 2 years

Text

Writing Toxic Male Characters (from someone who has dated toxic men)

CW: abvse, toxicity, the whole mile

I could write these for hours. So, if anyone out there is writing (or even experiencing) a toxic relationship or person in general, send me a message or comment what you want/need tips about & I will definitely respond. No judgement for anything at all, 100% judgement free. I’m here to help whether it’s with writing or real life.

They won’t show signs of toxicity right away.

They will lie, they will say elaborate lies, sound genuine doing it, and they will roll with it for a while.

But there’s something about the lies that sounds or feels outrageous, too good to be true, and the victim characters have a nagging intuition that something isn’t right but they can’t say anything yet.

They eventually come clean, whether it be by overwhelming guilt from being in too deep, being exposed, or otherwise.

When they do come clean, they will cry & once again, sound very genuine with regret for lying. Or, if they’re exposed, they will react with anger, rage, blame…

They want to seem bada$$. That’s their goal. They want to be a perfect bada$$, maybe a hero. Deep down they know they aren’t sh!t.

They use other peoples belongings or money & flaunt them as their own.

They get massively upset and rage at the victim for things as simple as saying thank you to a waiter. Example: a waiter sets down food at a table, the victim looks at him and says thank you, the toxic man gets upset. He’s silent, he’s looking down at his food waiting for victim to ask what’s wrong. They do, and he acts disgusted, he says he can’t even eat now but he won’t say what’s wrong until they beg him to. He eventually says “you think that waiter is cute, don’t you?” Victim is shocked. He keeps telling them to admit it until they get upset enough and walk out of the restaurant. On the way home, he’s screaming at them at the top of his lungs, saying massively hurtful and horrid things, threatening to jerk the wheel & drive off the road (and actually trying to do it), when that fails, he threatens to jump out of the moving car….. (true story from my life lmao) notice the spiral & increasing intensity of it. That’s the main point. Something small is a trigger, then ignoring, refusal to speak, acting disgusted, slamming doors, accusing, screaming, then lives being threatened.

They embarrass their victim in public for things they didn’t even do. Example: wearing pants that ‘accentuate curves,’ the man might throw a fit about the pants because “other people will be looking at you,” and even if other people AREN’T looking, he will ASSUME they are and confront them for something they weren’t doing, and then scream & yell at the victim for ‘making him do it because they didn’t have to wear those pants in public.’

He will have a social life, but if his victim does, he will purposely & tactfully isolate and gaslight them until he’s the only person in their life. The victim won’t be allowed around his friends either. He’s the only one.

Calling the victim at ungodly hours of the night, threatening to self unalive for whatever reason and expecting them to stay on the phone with him for hours, even when he knows they have work or school in the morning.

Threatening to self unalive over the phone, claiming he’s at a place other than home with a gvn, when he’s really just at home sitting in his car in the driveway. Example in an outline text: “he called her at 5am with a flat, monotone voice. He asked her what she was doing before interrupting to say he can’t take it anymore. He claimed he was at a baseball field with a gvn in his glovebox, ready to use it on himself. She believed him, even though she had to get up in a few hours for school, she spent hours on the phone trying to get him to go home. He kept repeating the same phrases over and over. Every time she’d try to hang up, he would threaten his own life. He eventually agreed, yet she never heard his car start. She never heard him driving. She only heard him getting out of the car and walk into his house. He was never at the field to begin with. And he never had a gvn” (Also a true story😬)

#writing advice #writing #writers block #writeblr #toxic people #toxic frienship #toxic behavior #toxic marriage #toxic masculinity #toxic monogamy #toxic men #writing help #character writing #toxic relationship

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jewishbarbies · 1 year

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you can’t just say you lived in a demonic-level house and then say nothing more 😭 what happened there, i got knoowwww

sdfghjkl okay okay just a general tw for spooky shit because I will be going into detail.

brief backstory: my grandmother is a Weird person who tries to do things spiritually that she knows nothing about, like building a small altar and doing a “water ceremony” during sukkot one year and it was…….non traditional and very questionable. like it’s fine if you do that as a practice but she’s very ignorant and did it Wrong. the first house she lived in that i also lived in was a double wide with an office built onto the back and we turned that office into my bedroom. it was the place my grandmother was in the most while living there bc she was a bookkeeper, and I had the worst nightmares and anxiety that literally woke me up with panic attacks and I would roam the house at night crying before falling asleep on the couch. my mom did an intense prayer session in there and then I never had problems with that again. then years later we had to stay with my grandmother at her current house for about 2-3 years while we were between houses, and she has a belligerent alcoholic husband now. that’s important because he adds to her issues that makes the demonic shit Worse. (also bonus fact that adds lore: I stayed over at this house while my older sister was house sitting for the weekend and I saw a shadow figure standing at the end of the bed the second the lights turned out. nearly pissed myself.)

the main spooky shit: me and my 2 sisters slept in 2 bunkbeds in the guest room my grandmother used as a library while my parents slept in the actual guest room. there’s a narrow hallway that starts at the top of the stairs and turn’s immediately to the right to go to the guest rooms and the bathroom was directly across the hall from the library room, the master bedroom was directly to the left right at the top of the stairs. that’s important. I’m a night owl so most of the shit happened to me while I was up and about sometimes as late as 4-5am. one night I was sitting at the dining room table playing the sims on my laptop and i heard a feminine voice I didn’t recognize say my name. no one else was awake. I heard the same voice 2 more times, once while I was in the shower (I asked everyone and no one knows what I’m talking about) and then again being downstairs at night. I’ve seen a white figure walk across the the front windows, like just outside them, really quickly. I said Goodnight to the living room bc my grandmother has a million cats and turned to walk upstairs, I felt breathing on the back of my neck and it felt like someone was behind me the whole way up. I added a name after goodnight and never broadly addressed the room again and never had that happen again. several times, I left the library room to go to the bathroom and my grandmother’s door (left cracked for the cats) would swing open, pause, and close again like someone looked to see who had come out when everyone was ASLEEP.

I firmly believe I was pushed down the stairs. one second I was walking down just fine and the next I was on my ass on the landing but my feet didn’t slip out from under me and I hadn’t stumbled. I would see figures as a reflection in the door of the microwave move out of my peripheral, I would look and no one was there, not even a cat. my grandmother has terrible nightmares about demons trying to kill her and would wake us all up with her screaming in her sleep and it scared the shit out of us every time. she said she had seen a demon in the house before but my mom wouldn’t elaborate to us kids. my little sister and i both felt uncomfortable turning our backs to the corner by the door of our “room” because it felt like something was there. overall the house felt loud. like you don’t realize how much until you leave and suddenly it’s SO quiet.

(bonus: my brother-in-law has experience with mediums and ghost hunters, and has allegedly seen a ghost in the form of an old woman that appeared in his room he’d never seen before, and he claimed to see shadow figures around the border of the small property the house was on multiple times and has been followed by one to the barn across the street as well.)

#Asks #anonymoose #whatever was in there was malicious and antagonistic #our whole family (grandparents included) were all at odds the whole times #*time #and my grandmother's husband was the literal devil so #also in my family's experience #alcoholism brings many a demon

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findingmypeace · 2 years

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6/24/2022

First, I literally haven’t slept at all. It’s almost 5am. It’s my fault. I hadn’t used diuretics in almost a week and then I took too many yesterday. A)They made me feel really sick B)The amount of caffeine in the diuretics is too much for me to get any sleep tonight. I think I might throw them out. The eating disorder doesn’t want me to but they’re causing so many problems. I need to stop!

Second, aside from the diuretics I feel like I’m lost in the past. Part of me feels like it takes too much energy to explain my thoughts. Basically, 5 years ago this week is when everything started with R. For new followers, R was a very close friend of mine. Our friendship was incredibly toxic. I became very codependent on her while she became almost like my caretaker. My outpatient therapist and I have called it a re-enactment (using the eating disorder) of my attachment trauma. In the end, that re-enactment is what ended our friendship. I was incredibly devastated and it has taken me years to let it go. However, with the help of my therapist that relationship taught me so much about my attachment patterns and the dynamics that get re-enacted in order to fulfill the needs I never got from my parents growing up.

But it’s not just thoughts of R that have me trapped in the past. It’s how the eating disorder was involved. On June 26th of that year (2017) I admitted to ed treatment. It was a whole ordeal with R pushing me to go, me not wanting to go, then agreeing to go, me knowing my Mom would be furious so I made up elaborate lies about what I was doing during the intake assessment and orientation, and then me not telling my Mom the truth until the day before admission. So much happened in the few months before admission and after admission. It’s kind of dizzying.

For some strange reason I look back at that time with envy. I really shouldn’t. My logical brain can see the chain of events that happened over the next year and a half culminating in my attempt. I was not happy. I brought up one aspect of that time in my therapy session on Wednesday (with my outpatient therapist) and my therapist used the words “very sick” to describe my behaviors from that time. But I romanticize everything that happened with R during those few months. And now, part of that romanization is body image related in that I envy the weight I was at, at that time. And I absolutely know that the romanticization comes from how comforting that re-enactment was. R fed right into it (unknowingly) giving me exactly what made me feel loved, cared for, and like I somehow mattered. The opposite of everything I got from my Mom. Additionally, all that rage I have towards my Mom was expressed through the eating disorder at that time.

So if I take this back to the present moment, while I couldn’t sleep tonight I looked at the website for the treatment center I went to back then (which is different than the one I just graduated from) and looked up the staff to see who was still there. Then I go to Recovery Record (which I currently use with my dietitian) and I can see all the dialogue I had with my treatment team while I was at that treatment center.

There is so much in my head at the moment. My life is so different and yet the same from back then. I don’t know if I can talk about this in iop today. I have a session with my individual therapist and my case manager but there is so much back story it just feels like it’s too much to explain to them. My outpatient therapist knows it all. She witnessed all of this play out. In fact, when R was pushing me to step up to res my outpatient therapist disagreed, telling me she thought my issues at the time were attachment related and that needed to be addressed first and then we could deal with the ed. Wow, if only I knew what was coming. Anyway, I need to talk to my outpatient therapist. I’m thankful our next session is on Monday instead of later in the week. In the meantime I hope I can get my head out of the past.

#personal #bulimia #depression #eating disorder #ed treatment

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thatsastepladder · 2 months

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I had an idea (well, 12% of an idea) for a Leverage x Librarians crossover come to me in a dream, and I need to put it here so I don't lose it.

And by 12% of an idea, I mean plotbunnies.

My half-asleep 5AM self called this "The Galileo Job/...and the Telescope of Galileo" but I'm not really sure that works, exactly. It would work fine on the Leverage side, but I'm not sure about the Librarians side, I'd need to make up some magical trait for it to have.

I don't really have a plot in mind, all I came up with at the time were character dynamics.

Anyway, important thing that files in the face of 99% of crossover fics between these shows: Eliot and Jake aren't related in this, they just happen to look alike. Nobody comments on this fact because it's funnier that way.

(However, if Maggie's in the episode, she 100% mistakes Jake for Eliot's Wes Abernathy disguise.)

Jones and Parker know each other, but only by reputation - a good thief doesn't get caught, obviously. Jones is stoked to be working with the Parker, Parker's not so keen on working with Jones.

Similarly, Baird and Eliot have history from when he was in the service. Not romantic history, mind you, but they've crossed paths a few times.

Jenkins knows Sophie from a previous noodle incident. It's not elaborated upon.

If Flynn is in this, none of the Leverage crew can stand him at all. Especially Nate.

On the other hand, Nate and Cassandra get along quite well - Cassandra having sympathy for what Nate went through with Sam due to her own struggles with the medical system.

Cassandra also gets along well with Hardison - much to Parker's chagrin, as she starts to get a bit jealous. And then Cassandra has the gall to steal her cereal...

Jake and Hardison also become fast friends, but of the 'arguing all the time' variety, mostly about art history.

As for an actual plot, I'm thinking if it were a real episode, it would be a pretty standard Leverage episode from the start - a client comes to Nate seeking justice against a group that's claimed the family heirloom MacGuffin or whatever. Nate says "let's go steal a MacGuffin", and their initial plan goes horribly wrong.

Cut to the Library, the Clipping Book opens and the LITs are off to the same place Leverage is... because whatever's messing up Leverage's plan, it's magic.

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oncetherenowhere · 3 months

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Turns out, drinking tons of coffee before 5AM on an empty stomach does things to you. I got through the day, but at what cost! I had a spell of total paranoia. I wrote in yesterday's journal about receiving bad news almost every week, and then I got worried that something would happen to H. He took the day off because he hadn't slept and needed to catch up...so he didn't respond my text, furthering my theory that Something Had Happened.

I kept calm and talked myself down. When he woke up and texted me back, I felt relieved as fuck. Embarrassed, but relieved. Coffee, man, phew.

Then...after work, I called my mom. And got more bad news. This bad news in question doesn't concern me, necessarily...but it's still about something and someone I care about. Someone else we know is dying. I don't want to share the details.

I got home and....at first I collapsed, and then H and I cleaned the apartment. Nervous cleaning does wonders for stress. I woke up this morning and was very pleased with the place.

Woke up at 1:30AM today, despite downing some melatonin. Got back to sleep around 3AM, though. Made myself a proper breakfast today. I'm having coffee, but not as much. Just gotta get through today, and then I've got the weekend. We're supposed to have nice weather, so...yay? Maybe I'll finally leave the house...I've been cooped up for weeks, it feels like.

I keep having this paranoid thought that I'm attracting every bad thing that happens to me. I know the manifestation stuff works for some people, but it causes me a lot of stress. When you have trouble controlling your thoughts, and you're introduced to that mindset, it creates this horrible fear, like you're bringing about a plague of misfortune unto yourself. It isn't healthy or helpful for me.

Even if things were going fine and well...it's hard to look at the world and NOT have your heart break into a million pieces. You know? My therapist tries to tell me that worrying about society isn't helpful, but how can I not? How could anybody not? I think being horrified and disgusted should be the normal reaction. I know it shouldn't take over my life, but aren't we all affected by the state of things? Don't we all live in this society?

I don't know. I'm rambling now.

Hopefully I get some decent sleep tonight. I'm still having weird dreams. Not nightmares, thank goodness, but WEIRD dreams.

Last night, I dreamt that H and I were over some woman's house with a bunch of other people- all strangers, but in my dream, we were friends. The woman made an elaborate dinner. Everyone ate. H and I volunteered to clean up. When we did, though, everything started floating away. The kitchen broke into chunks and each part drifted past my reach, so I had to physically run and jump to do dishes. We got yelled at for not being efficient enough. Everyone ignored the fact that the kitchen was coming apart at the seams, that there was no reasonable way to clean anything in an efficient manner. Very bizarre.

...actually, reading that, I can see the symbolism pretty clearly. Minds are fascinating.

Anyways...uh...yeah, that's it.

#journal

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