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1julak1 · 1 month

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Fortuitous pt. 1

Sanemi cosplayer x fem!reader

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Word count: 1.5k

Notes: So, I'll be completely honest - I have no idea what i'm doing there and why. The idea just popped in my head - as something i'd like to do, haha - but then i thought of making a story out of it. So! I want to say - this is not a typical fanfiction with Sanemi, it's about reader with a cosplayer!

Enjoy!

Since her childhood years, YN has been always viewed as a normal, sweet, intelligent girl. Everybody, always, has been jealous of her knowledge, grades, judged her every move and pointed out smallest mistakes.

But yes, YN has always been a normal girl.

Going into her teenage years, she had plans - ambitions, big hopes for the future, aiming for college and a good middle school to get her ready info further life.

But when she actually got accepted into her new school, she didn't realise how much of a mistake it would actually be.

The first year was going quite well, nothing seemed to be foreshadowing the nightmare that her school days would become. But as YN's best friend - only true friend in class she had - changed schools. Gradually, YN has dropped her grades, and started closing up from others.

Going into second year, her life became an absolute nightmare. Scared of talking to people, teachers, ditching school, getting authorities over her head - it seemed like NOTHING was going well anymore.

Her cousin enraged her, also. She never had perfect relationship with her, but what made her most furious was their conversation weeks ago.

°°°

Why do you even want to switch schools?? With your attitude, you're always going to complain about anything. Everything's going to be the same whatever you do. <

YN gazed at the message, her mind flaring with anger.

The next messages her cousin sent were just self-centered yapping about how she struggled with her own work, her colleagues, her situation, her mood, her feelings - her, her, her, her. Not even once has she thought of YN's feelings. The fact she may not be in total control of the things going on in her life.

> Go fuck yourself

YN texted back, seething the same words trough her gritted teeth.

Since then, she understood that she doesn't want to have anything to do with that bitch.

°°°

YN was scrolling trough Instagram - once again ignoring the fact she should study - and noticed a quite pretty post. A cosplay of her favorite character.

Oh, right! Because there was an obsession YN had. It was Sanemi Shinazugawa - a character of her all time favorite anime.

- Fucking hot.. it would be lucky to have someone cosplay him for me.. -

She stared at the pic for a moment with a blank expression on her face. And then she blinked, because then it clicked.

Usually YN overthinked everything she did - but not this time. She texted the man without hesitation.

> I've got a deal for you???

And then she waited.

Regretted her decision.

Then waited, waited, waited.

It was agonizing, almost. The hope of the man texting back was slowly fading, replaced by a shame caused by her doing. She was so taken over by this revelation that she dreamed of it, until one day, finally, she woke up to a reply.

What kind of deal?? <

Oh now THAT was the moment for action.

Seeing he was active, she carefully chose a reply.

> I'll pay you to cosplay Sanemi for me

Oh now that's new. If you want a pic with me, i won't make you pay. I suppose you live nearby??? <

The girl's face heated up at his words. From embarrassment, but also because he would be willing to take a picture with her for free. But that wasn't what she wanted.

> No, i don't want a picture. I'll pay you, for pretending to be my boyfriend.

He read that. He's seen that.

Silence.

And do I get to be a lil touchy 😏 <

> I'll cut your salary in half

Worth it <

> Is that a yes??

Let's say so. Where do i meet you up, princess? <

> In front of my school tomorrow, 7.50. I'll send you the adress later

YN felt like she needed a cold shower to take that news. And so, she went to the bathroom and spend nearly an hour there, nearly dying from excitement.

Then it was time to tuck herself to bed, to the thoughts of having a.. new boyfriend???

°°°

The next day, YN was waiting for her "boyfriend" in front of the school. And just when she was about to give up to her anxiousness and get inside the building, somebody grabbed her by the hips and she was pulled against a firm chest.

- Hey, princess~! Not like i stalked your profile, but i did stalk your profile. You're looking even cuter in real life than those silly pictures -

- W-WHAT?!! -

YN was so startled, she almost pushed her elbow into the guy's face.

- Are you insane?? Stop attacking, immediately! -

Just in case not to get murdered, the guy let go of her and stepped aside.

And when YN looked up she was even more startled than before. The guy was towering above her, at least a head taller than her. His hair were white, and he had this makeup indicating those iconic scars on his face. He was wearing a simple white button up shirt - with a few top buttons left undone - and black pants that were tight around his waist.

- I-is that a wig..? -

The guy's face expression softened as a chuckle left his lips. She didn't miss the fact that he had purple contacts.

- Oh? No, i dyed them this way. -

He put a hand over her shoulder, bringing her a tiny bit closer to himself.

- You wanted me to be your boyfriend, why so silent now?? Do you not love me?? -

He pouted, enjoying the teasing. YN huffed, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pulling him after her.

- Let's just get inside -

They didn't exchange a word while walking, but he changed their position, so that now their hands were entwined together.

As they walked down the hallway, some people who knew YN were eyeing her - and she, deep down, swelled with pride.

°°°

YN had to be honest. Having a man like that walking around with her for the whole day, like a puppy, was satisfying. Her lovely "Sanemi" was all smiley - a little out of character - and his acting skills were perfect. He had no problems with playing pretend, as if he and YN knew themselves for a longer time than just those few hours.

- Wait. What even is your name? -

YN spoke about that matter after the first lesson, when she realised she never asked him this - and there were no informations about it on his profile.

- Oh fuck, right, i never told you. I'm loosing my head here with you, see? -

He let our a chuckle and brushed a hand trough his white hair.

- My name's Aiden. But you can just call me Sanemi, you know. That's what i just am for you, right? -

YN raised her eyebrow questionably.

- You sound pretentious -

- Huh?? No offense. You're just oversensitive -

The girl didn't like his response at all, but decided to just wave it off.

For the rest of the day, she had a loyal puppet running around her like he was over the moon with her.

Maybe he was?

Or what's more possible, he just wanted to be worth the money.

What YN noticed, and wasn't against, was for sure, how touchy he was getting. Seems like his message wasn't just a joke and he really was taking the opportunity. Though they knew each other for like... Max 9 hours, YN didn't complain. It would probably be the only time a man would be touching her anyways.

After school, it was time to pay him off. Aiden got dragged out of the school by his "girlfriend" - while he talked with the friends he apparently made - and when YN made sure they were far enough from familiar people, stuck a bunch of bills into his hand.

- Isn't it too much? -

His purple contacts pierced trough her as his confused face expression almost made her giggle.

- I'm paying in advance -

Her explanation was fairly brief, but Aiden didn't comment it. The thing that surprised him was how she just chose to ignore him as she quickly walked down the street.

The girl jolted in surprise as she felt her hand being grabbed.

- Why are you running away from me? Let me just walk you home -

The white haired man spoke, taking YN's silence as an agreement. When they stood in the door to her house, he did so much as to lean down, kiss her cheek and smile before walking away with a little wave.

- See you tomorrow! -

YN was too stunned to answer to his words, as she stared at him before he disappeared around the corner.

°°°

When she laid in bed, the only thing she could think about were his hands over her, the WHOLE day. She knew she shouldn't, but she felt a tiny squeeze in her heart anytime she recalled how his hands would squeeze her waist or hold onto her own.

And so, even though he wasn't hers, it seemed that YN's "boyfriend" would be what pulls her out of the cage of her own misery.

#kny sanemi #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #cosplayer x reader #cosplay #demon slayer cosplay #Sanemi Shinazugawa cosplay #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #kimetsu no yaiba ff #kimetsu no yaiba #Sanemi Shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #sanemi x yn #sanemi x you

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tessaservopoulos · 5 months

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20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the ever lovely @oliviassunrise - thank you friend!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

521

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

as of today i have posted 1,189,141 words, which makes me feel insane!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i have written for a lot of them, but the current three are the last of us (tess/joel), the hunger games (haymitch/effie), and fringe (peter/olivia).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

but home was a dream (one that i'd never seen until you came along) [jopper]

i am still looking (even when i look away) [kate/yelena]

this is home [philinda & philindaisy]

your heart is a masterpiece [melinda & daisy]

how everything still turns to gold [tessjoel]

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do!! i'm terrible at it and usually very late but i cherish every single person who leaves me a comment.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably confined, where tess is captured by fireflies and has no hope of escape.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably my tessjoel summer anthology fic!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not usually? if i do i'll just delete it and move on, tbh.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do lmao it is a majority of what i write nowadays if i'm being honest?? i did kinktober and had an absolute blast, especially because i wrote some kinks i never had before.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i have! i've written plenty of marvel crossovers, but the silliest one was wayyyy back in my ncis days- i wrote a jenny shepard/bruce wayne crackship fic, haha.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so?? if i do i don't know about it lmao

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in my sons of anarchy days i used to rp gemma/clay, does that count?

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i'm gonna be honest- i don't have one. i love each ship so deeply in the moment that it always feels like the all-time favorite! like right now, it's tessjoel. but two years ago it was jopper. before that, it was philinda. before that, riverdoctor. and so on, and so forth. i just love what i love, man.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly, my maydaisy + avengers au that has sat unfinished since 2017 haha. i had such a great plan for it and then aos broke my heart and i got discouraged. i really should go back to it because melinda + the avengers is my favorite thing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

description. i have a very flowery writing style that lends itself better to descriptive scenes.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

starting too many projects for my pea brain to keep up with

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i've added bits and pieces of other languages to my fics before and it is always after intense googling, haha.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

NCIS, for my beloved jenny/gibbs <3

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

this is so tough!! i have been writing for nearly half my life now so i've written so much. but i really really loved i lost a part of me out there, a tessjoel time travel au borrowed from one of my favorite tessjoel writer's verses. i think it's some of my favorite writing ever. but also the jopper marriage law fic (my top kudos fic) is my absolute pride and joy.

tagging @wardenannie @sassymajesty @professortennant @wistfulwatcher and anyone that wants to do this <333

#about liz #writing tag #tp

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wexhappyxfew · 1 month

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hello! much love to your fics with rosie and brady. i could go on and on about them, and how well you've crafted the women of silver bullets. i did have a question:

as someone who loves writing and MOTA, and has let that churn in my head and onto a Google Doc as a full-blown, multi-chaptered fic (it's Benny x OC), i want to share it somewhere, for no reason other than i love to write and i love MOTA. but i've never had a full on Tumblr blog, and i don't really know where to start. do you have any advice?

hey anon!! thanks so much for stopping by, i hope you're well!! :D AWE thanks so much!! you're too kind!! they've been very, very fun to write alongside the silver bullet ladies, so i really do appreciate that!! :') i'm excited for what's to come with the bunch! <3 thank you again!

OOOOOO OMGGG!!!! that sounds MEGA fun (especially a benny x oc, as a benny girlie i *LOVE*). okay! so, i can relate this back to how i started with writing and uploading and all - in late 2018 (jeez that was a WHILE ago), i started watching Band of Brothers and then was like - i want to write about this but with an OC - and eventually started writing, but....didn't know where to go from there. i was in the fandom, but didn't talk to many people and just didn't feel comfortable putting my writing out there. i eventually chatted a bit to someone else who was writing BoB OC fic and they gave me the courage to really go for it and post it! they were someone i could really talk to, which helped me to understand my writing, my OC, and my development for the story as i went. having someone there to be your cheerleader and help you navigate things - i found that to be incredibly helpful!! :)

i'll keep typing under the cut haha

SO, i ended up posting the fic and it really gave me a driving force to keep creating and writing, and each time i uploaded, i became more and more confident. i initially posted to Wattpad, but then i started expanding more on here, and trying to do more and then began posting my third BoB fic on both AO3 and Wattpad and that seemed to draw in interested people, and i have since continued with that platform from there.

i'll be honest - i've gotten busier over the years, so i've slowed a bit with how much content i put out, but make it manageable for yourself and what you want to read and write and enjoy! i struggled a lot with that, but finding your groove and what you enjoy is definitely one of the more important factors of it all :) i split between MOTA and BoB and write when i have some extra time, and what i feel like writing and it makes things enjoyable!!

another thing i've really loved - writing snippets, posting moodboards, song inspo, writing one-shots/taking prompts - it helped me to understand characters and dynamics much better than i thought it would! and drew some people who were interested in as well! it was just fun to create and feel some enjoyment with those OCs and characters through the years!

i think always go with what you're comfortable with, but posting about the fic, putting it on tumblr/AO3/Wattpad, wherever you are comfortable posting, or chatting with people is always just things that i've done and seen others do, but i always do it to the extent that i find fun and enjoyable - and there are SO MANY wonderful people who would love to chat, read and discuss anything MOTA/MOTA-fic related (including me haha!), so explore and enjoy!!

this wasn't entirely coherent, but is how i usually go about things at a pace i think is manageable for a busy college student!! do what you love and enjoy!!! SIKED to hear more about this benny x oc fic haha!! :D

#shannon stuff #me rambling #thanks anon!!!#i hope this was helpful!! :D

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talesofesther · 1 year

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It's kinda tough to come in the search of.. unburden, I suppose. I talked to you a little while ago, about some friends and unfortunate things. I wanted to ask, again, how's everthing going.

I am going to use you as my personal... therapist, lol, and take what you said as that I could text here in your requests whenever I needed to, you know, speak about these things.

Things with my best buddy didn't get any better, to be honest.

I still adore them, and I would still kill or be killed for them, but to be honest, knowing that they don't seem to even care at least partially how much I do care for them is dragging me down. Feels almost like a betrayal, you know. I was so careful, building this friendship of mine. Careful of hurting them, of scaring them off, of making them feel comfortable and safe. Turns out, they never seemed to reciprocate those kind of things.

And I am just noticing because I am a clueless idiot. To be honest I've always been kind of.. not dumb, but you know, I just don't take hints haha. I am kind of dumb, actually. It's not even their fault, really, it's mine. That's the worst thing. I could never blame my guy for that. I do love them, still, and I still, as said, would do anything for them. So, guess I have that figured out, even though it still hurts like hell. But to be honest, it's not that bad. It would be worse not to have them at all.

Perhaps they don't adore me as a friend as much as I do adore them, but that's okay. It still brightens my day a little to see them, even if all I can think about is how clear it is that they don't care that much for me, and that I am the blindest person on earth.

About my other friends - haven't talked to them since they haven't talked to me. I am not gonna be the one who runs behind them even when I didn't do anything to deserve this. Not anymore. Not me asking what's wrong, what did I do, when even I don't know what could I have done. It's not fair that I respect them and love them and they just exclude me of their lives, and like if I am some kind of love sick puppy I go behind them like a dog, tail between it's legs.

Today I got this notice, though, from my grandma. I don't have the best relationship with her. Things have been tough with her. But I love her and respect her.

She told me that uh, my mentor is dying. From cancer. She has a 25cm x 15cm tumour, and little ones spread all across her body. Ironic as it is, it's almost 25th of the month; the day when my great grandmother passed away from cancer. The woman who raised me.

This uh, mentor, she used to coach me. I was an athlete. I started when I was 3 years old. I did it for over 10-12 years, with the same woman, going to competitions with her all the time. Now we don't see eachother often, but turns out, I'll never see her again, haha! yeah, go ahead, Mila, joke about your trauma, you lil' asshole.

She is in the hospital right now. Getting treatment. To give her a decent life quality for the time she has left. And I am so, so fucked up. Everything, everything I thought I might have left in the past is just resurfacing right now and I feel so damn stupid cause hell, I can't be that fucking stupid. I don't know how to get over things, and it just makes me feel pathetic. Cause let's be honest, after all, I kind of am.

Everything reminds me of everything and even the slightest thing makes me think and think and think and I feel like I can't breathe. Like if someone has a hold in my heart and is squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and at some point that hold is gonna make it all explode.

My uncle, through my grandma, gave me his backpack to use temporarily yesterday (mine broke and I've been using it anyways for almost a week). That's the closest approach I ever had to him over what? one? two years? I haven't even counted them, to be honest. He abused his wife. My aunt. My grandma made me watch, or well, listen to the audio of the video that she recorded and used in the court after that. He sexually abused her there, and I still can't get over it even if it shouldn't be my place to be mad, but I just can't, because I can't forgive that. That and the fact that it brings me back to times that I don't want to revive. And yet, here we are, and all I can do is go back again and again even if I don't want to.

I can't trust him. Worst thing, is he's been nothing but kind to me all the meanwhile. He used to be my heroe, you know. Someone I loved. Like my father, just that he didn't leave for cigarettes haha! He actually was someone I looked up to. A safe place with my aunt, you know. Someone I trusted, who I actually saw as a father. Even when things got a little hard with my mom he and my aunt would be there. But I just keep going back to my aunt crying, to the own fear I felt when I was in that situation, and when he brushes it off, all I see is a hypocrite. He told me himself of when he hit her. That he knew it wasn't okay. But he never said anything about the other things he did to her.

He used to come home, tell me his version of the story. I felt disgust. Because I, myself, heard the story from my aunt after she reported him.

My grandma didn't stand up for my aunt. She said she would, that what my uncle did was wrong, but first time I said something and laughed bitterly when she defended him she jumped at me. She defends everything and covers him up like if she herself didn't make me listen to that freaking video after she took me outside crying to tell me that her son was a abuser. Of his own wife.

Everything just bottles up and I don't know how to let go.

My mother told me she would talk to me when she is home and I am kind of scared she is gonna kick me out of the house again and I am so, so tired of everything. But it's okay. I'll get out of this.

Guess I just need to put all my shit together, get a job and keep going. It's not like she has the balls to kick me out of the house. Right? my birthday is close though! another day closer to death, yay 👹👹!! and I'm also getting a drivers license, courtesy of my grandma! she always gave the best gifts, even if she sometimes is.. well. You know, family. Everything's gonna be just fine. Everything's gonna get better, I'll just work and try everything I can (that is, if someone finally hires me cause damn, I've been loking for a job for months). I can do this. Or at least, I hope so.

Well, I'm not feeling like if I am going to explode now! I mean still I do, kind of, but not as much, even it it's still there. Guess talking about this really helps after all! have a good night, pal. You know, you don't have to answer. You can just leave this hanging around if you wish, or delete it. It's not a big deal, you don't need to bother yourself with this kind of stuff after how kind and attentive you've been. Take care!

Hello, honey, I'm sorry I took a while to answer you, it's been a busy few days.

But let me tell you one thing first, I wish with all my heart that I could give you a hug right now, genuinely, I just want to hold you and tell you everything is gonna be okay. So imagine I'm giving you a big hug right now, okay? <3

This situation with your friends genuinely breaks my heart, because I've been there, I know how you feel. I've had, and still have, so many friendship that meant the world to me, only for me to realize later that I'm just an afterthought to them. And it hurts, it hurts a lot. There's nothing worse than loving someone and feeling like not even a fraction of that love is being returned to you.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, honestly no one should have to go through something like that. Friendships are not meant to hurt. But I know that, eventually, you'll find someone who appreciates you the way you deserve.

I'm also so sorry about your mentor, I've lost family to cancer and it is such a horrible disease, it's something I wouldn't wish for anyone to go through. Again, feel yourself hugged by me.

And about your uncle. For me, that kind of thing is simply unforgivable, nothing less. I would never be able to see past it. So don't feel bad if you can't forgive him either, and don't feel bad for feeling disgusted at what he did; any sensible person would feel disgusted. It is not your obligation to forgive him, much less accept what he did. Though I understand the struggle, especially if he was someone you looked up to. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Lastly, you're not dumb, you're not pathetic. You're someone who's going through so much shit they don't deserve to go through, and yet you're doing a damn good job of handling it.

Everything will get better, I promise you.

As always sweetheart, I'm here whenever you need to talk. Know that there's someone out there who cares about you and loves you very much; and that's me. <3

#ask

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memoirs-of-learning-dad · 1 year

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Ok here goes..

Hello Tumblr! This is the first time ever that I'm posting something on the internet! Haha! I mean not entirely true tbh, I have posted some photos on Facebook and shared some stuff on WhatsApp status, but the last time I have ever posted something was about my move to my current city and that was 5 years ago. A lot has happened since then - I married my lovely gf, became a father, got diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD. But I have never expressed my opinions or thoughts or typed anything more than 20 words on the internet ever! I have very few friends, COVID has made it incredibly difficult to find new friends and where I am at in my life, I don't have the courage or the time to make new friends.

I mean it's easy for some people to just share stuff, you know? be expressive just put your feelings and thoughts and opinions into words and hit post! And there it is for everybody else to see! Strangers on the internet, friends, family and everybody you know knows what you're feeling. No fear of being judged, honest to yourself and people around you. Is it liberating? Is there anybody out there who's 100% true inside and outside?

I'm different. I don't have the courage to express who I am and open myself to the internet and to not care about being judged. I'm sensitive, I hate being judged. It affects me. Nobody other than my wife, my brother and his wife and my best friend know about my mental illnesses. If my parents or friends or extended relatives find out, they'll judge me and expect me to behave a certain way maybe even try to push me away. It's not common in my culture and circle to live a normal life with mental illnesses. I'm working on getting better, I take my medication regularly but the only thing people will care about is the illness. Everybody who knows us thinks I'm a good father (I like to think I'm doing ok), but I am 100% confident those same people will not feel the same way once they learn about my illnesses. I'm not gonna sit here and lie saying it doesn't affect me. Will my daughter be able to make friends in my community when her friends parents learn I'm bipolar? Why should she pay? I cannot show my true self to the world other than a few trusted people. So here I am on an anonymous platform just typing what I'm thinking without worrying about what people who know me might think!

I've spent 33 years on this earth, learning, adapting - seeking that sense of mental peace and satisfaction. Enjoying the small things. I am blessed, like genuinely blessed - God himself chose me to be the father of this beautiful person - my daughter - my life! Words cannot express what I feel for her. And this new desire to post stuff, to have a memoir of my life is for her.

I want her to have somewhere to go to learn what I was like - how I have grown over the years. How my ideals and my perspectives change with time. Who I will grow up to be. Who I will be remembered as after I die. A legacy? Something to remember this insignificant human being, one among billions trying hard every day to be a better father, to be a better husband, a loyal son, a supportive brother, a good friend.

So here goes - I'm committing to write my thoughts on here moving forward. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up with it? But I'm going to try. I have to start somewhere. My father used to tell me when I was young to write a diary. My wife used to tell me when we got married that I need to note down my thoughts somewhere, maybe in a journal. My therapist thinks it's really healthy for me to write my thoughts. Yes, I'm taking a leap of faith - putting my faith and trust in strangers on the internet. Hear my story - it's as ordinary as it gets. Maybe that's what is going to make it special? A memoir about a regular guy, living an ordinary life, trying to be a good person - not changing the world or anything but just a cog in the machine we call a functioning society.

So my sweet little princess, this is for you. Over the first of the next few years I will post here how much I love you, how lovely and caring your mother is and how she's making me a better person everyday. You are turning 2 years old today and it's a journey for both of us. I hope to guide you on the right path and give you everything you need to make the most of your life. And this right here will hopefully be my narration of that journey!

Happy Birthday Paapu! Here's a (worthless?) gift for you - a diary to tell you my perspective of the parenting journey!

#positivity #father #ordinary things

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gummy-axolotl · 3 months

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hey this might sound weird but im currently writing a story that heavily involves talking about the experience of being aroace. i js wanna be as accurate and inclusive as possible so if you could share some thoughts or experiences you think should be included that would be literally incredible

thanks! <3

Sure! I don't know how useful it will be since it's kinda complicated and very random, but I'll tell you my journey.

I'm going to be as honest as I can so it might be a little weird and personal.

Also it's pretty long so I'm gonna put a cut.

Currently I identify as Aceflux, Aegosexual, and flat-out Asexual. I've used a few other microlables and stuff over the years, but this is what I've settled with.

I first heard about asexuality when I was thirteen, in my "baby gay phase," when I was looking into all the cool stuff about the lgbtq community. I didn't really think it applied to me at the time, because I was hyperfixating over the Hazbin Hotel pilot (and therefore obsessed with sex jokes)

Later, when I was about fourteen, I thought, "hey. maybe I am ace after all, since I don't actually want to have sex with anybody." So I started identifying as Panromantic Asexual.

After a while, I was thinking about crushes, and looking back, I wasn't really interested in dating any of them. I had plenty of "crushes" on people, but they never went anywhere, and I realized they were most likely squishes or just infatuation. So I started identifying as graypanromantic and asexual

There were a lot of times like that, where I would switch around, from grayromantic to aromantic to this that and the next, but eventually I settled on aroace. I also for a while called myself "Oriented aroace, with sapphic orientation" meaning that I was more platonically and aesthetically inclined to girls.

and here comes the aceflux part...

A few months ago, I had an (admittedly unhealthy) "relationship" online, and I questioned my sexuality again. I won't get in to the details, but it kinda messed with my head a bit, and made me wonder if I was actually asexual, or if I was... faking it. I suppose.

(but heeyyyyy its over now dw about it haha)

Final note, I don't consider any "sexual attraction," felt towards not actual real life people to be real sexual attraction. (or romantic) So simping for a tumblr sexyman doesn't mean you aren't asexual. Because you don't want to have sex with a real human being person in the flesh and blood.

wow this is a really long post and I don't think it will actually be that helpful to whatever you're writing but um.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things can change over time, and other people don't dictate what you call yourself. Just do what feels right. Learn along the way.

#gummyanswers #asexual

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ocean-anchored · 6 months

Text

November 13, 23 continued...

I've been hanging out with Shane more, I definitely need to keep my boundaries up with him. He's super genuine and sweet, really does show that he cares and actively keeps an interest which is really nice but sometimes just a little too much for me. We've got a couple plans over the months but I definitely need to keep those boundaries in place. I've hung out with Connor a few times now, we went for a nice bike ride for the first time after my birthday. I connected with him on FB dating like two ish years ago but we never met up or really continued talking and then we went for a bike ride & had a nice chat. He came out with Amber & I for halloween too, which he was a champ about coming out with someone he's never met, me who he met once, going to a random persons house haha, but it was pretty fun and as much as he can be a bit quieter, he's been opening up a lot more. I went over last week to watch a hockey game & hot tub with him and that was a nice evening, we talked a lot about exes and narcissistic issues we've dealt with too, he can definitely be a talker which is nice, he's definitely opening up a lot more. He really seems like a nice guy, again just keeping it casual getting to know each other. Jeremiah has been weird lately. I thought it was because Zack made things uncomfortable which im sure is a big contributing factor, but still idk. We were hanging out a lot and connected a lot over the summer and then when Zack joined the Ranchmans dance night I definitely think he rubbed everyone wrong, then I think I had a games night a few days later which again wasn't great, and then a few weeks later when Amber did my surprise birthday gathering he definitely didn't jive with Zack which again I totally get, I apologized to Jer after but it hasn't been the same. He hasn't asked to hang out like once... & I think Amanda kind of initiated the last movie night that just happened last friday which was good but yah idk, just back to feeling like I'm just his dog watcher friend which sucks. He had asked about christmas holiday and I got back to him and he texted again this morning about this week and it's like ok it would be nice to actually hang out and not just feel like I'm a free dog watcher ya know? Kinda just went back to like the earlier start of our friendship again so idk, I guess we'll see. Daniel - whom was Jer's friend we met at Jers birthday gathering this summer, we've been chatting back & forth for some months and then it was his birthday last month or some weeks ago & Amber & I stopped by which was nice, Troy was there whom i've met once before, would love to meet him again haha... anyways, had some good chats with Daniel and then I ended up going with him to his church the weekend prior which was really good. He's super nice and very extraverted so it's nice to chat with him, though I do feel very young to him, hes 9 years older, just turned 38 so I feel a bit kid-ish but we're going to get together & hang out sometime soon which should be nice, he's a genuine dude and christian which is very nice. Trying to think what else. Relationship with Steven & amanda is still great obviously, though still haven't reconnected with Melissa. It's been like 4 months now which is painful. Drama free but painful. I was really triggered and hurt when she gave me cold response after sending her photos from NYC and just felt super hypocritical. Just that whole situation honest rubs me so wrong and gives me the ick of what happened and how s he handled everything, like makes me just not want to be around her but idk. Her birthday is this week & of course as I'm always the bigger person, I'll say happy birthday even though she didn't to me, again just another jab. Idk it's still a fresh wound.

#personal #dear future self #life update #dearfutureself #journal update #monthly update

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thosefookinavacados · 2 years

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Weird Qs for Writers tag : 19, 20, 30 and 34 pls.

Non i love you sm for this 😘

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

I'd always been the kid who was dramatic and came up w stories, didn't realise i could write them until my teacher pointed it out haha. I started writing for magazines and started, edited and ran the school newspaper for a year when I was 11. Wrote small things now and then but as for fanfiction, i used to write Harry Potter stuff a few years ago, headcanons mostly but never published them. But i started w fanfiction officially in the 1d fandom. English isn't my mother tongue so i had to work quite a bit but i learnt as I went! I'm writing for another fandom (9-1-1) now and know I'll write more in the years to come 🥰

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

I think I'd choose eternal happiness with my one true love 😂 I think it would give me more inspiration and motivation to finish my darlingest most precious WIP :')

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

I dream a whole murder mystery one night, woke up the next day and laid out a mind map for a 2 part murder mystery with titles, Easter eggs, suspenses and enemies to lovers. Haven't gotten around to writing it yet cause of better other ideas and writer's block but it'll be here one day. I don't remember writing in a dream tho. I don't dream very often tbh so.

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

I'll be honest i had to look this up 😂 But thoughts are that I may not be British but I grew up with British English and it's a pretty normal thing for me, i do it by habit i just didn't know what it was called and that people who used American English had a problem w it??? None of my business, i use it pretty much all the time.

QUESTIONS FOR WRITERS!

#ask me! ask me!#ask games

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butteraway · 3 years

Text

when time runs out | iv

⋆ summary: A young girl has fallen deeply ill with an unknown disease in her, so with all her free time spent in an empty hospital room, she spends it online playing video games. That's until she meets her cousins friends, one spiking her interest with his extremely vulgare language.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: none

authors note: I wanna say im so sorry for lying to yall about that extra chapter KJDFFF😭😭 ALSO @chibiiichann I APOLOGIZE FOR SPAMMING YOU WHENEVER I REPLIED TO YOU💀 A DIFFERENT ACC WOULD POP UP BUT THE FIRST CHAPTER WAS AN INTRODUCTORY CHAPTER EXPLAINING THE OC'S CONDITION JFJDJD

"HAHA! I GOTCHU NOW LOSER!" Y/N smashed the buttons on her controller, basically on the edge of her bed. A grunt was heard through her headphones, then a loud bang with laughing in the background. Y/N felt her stomach turn at the sound of this, feeling a little left out, but smiled nonetheless.

"HOW'D YOU EVEN DO THAT?!! YOU’RE DOING SOME HACKING MY GUY!" Denki yelled through the laughing in the background, hands pulling at his hair. He seriously couldn't believe it!

"I'm not! I just wanted to show Sero I'm way better at this game than you are. And turns out I am!" Y/N let out a loud laugh, falling backwards onto her pillow. After finding out that 'Tape Dispenser' went to her cousin’s school by hearing his voice in the back of Denki's room, she got to learn more about this Sero dude. She already knew this after their last game a few nights ago, but he was so chill. It was still insane for her to find out that her cousin and online friend went to the same hero school. The coincidences in this world. Y/N thought as she grinned.

"It's okay Kaminari, you still lasted a long time! But you did get brutally beat by Y/N at the end though..." Sero said, trying to raise Denki's low spirits, but only succeeded in making him more miserable. Rustling was heard through Y/N's headphones, making it obvious that there was movement happening.

"You don't understand Sero! THIS IS THE ONLY GAME I COULD FULLY BEAT THIS GIRL IN!" Denki shook Sero by the shoulders, quickly doing the action. Cackling was heard through the speakers while the girl wiped a tear from her eye. Sero laughed along, as he was pushed to the ground by Denki. His arms were crossed as he looked away, upset that Y/N managed to finally beat him in every game they played.

"It's okay Denki, not everyone can be as good as me!" Y/N exclaimed, getting up from her bed to start taping specific parts of her room. Kaminari continued to complain about his defeat to Sero, who only chuckled in response. As she finished taping the bottom of the walls, Y/N sat back on her bed, sighing in content.

"So, how are you? I'm doing terribly after being utterly destroyed by you, by the way." Said Kaminari, opening his water bottle and taking large gulps from it. Y/N felt her face light up as she remembered to tell Kaminari of her future activity.

"Bro, you won't believe this! So, basically, they're actually letting me paint my room! All by myself! How fricking cool is that?!" The girl laughed out loud, jumping on her bed in excitement. Kaminari's eyes widen, in surprise and slight fear, sitting up and taking in the new information.

"Wait, really? But isn't that like extremely dangerous? Cuz of the chemicals and what not??" He tried his best to keep his voice leveled, not noticing Sero look at him weirdly. That guy had no idea what was happening.

"Well, they said that they were gonna do something to the paint so it won't hurt me or anything, I don't know what, but-" Y/N was cut off by an extremely confused Sero. "Wait wait wait, hold on. I don't understand what's happening. How can paint harm you? Besides like...eating it. And what do you mean by 'finally getting to paint your room?’ Silence was the only answer he got. Sero gulped in embarrassment, thinking he asked a really personal question.

"Um, it's nothing du-" A loud 'shhhhhhh' was heard from Y/N, who let out a shaky breath. She never really told anyone, it's not like she could either way, being confined in the hospital room for a long time. She pushed a loose strand of her away from her face, preparing herself to tell Sero.

"Well, the reason is because I basically live in a hospital. I can't go outside, or have 'unpurified' air, as the doctors like to say, meaning my interactions with people and the outside world are extremely limited. That means anything that's not cleared of dust and germs, I guess, can be extremely harmful for me? As pathetic as it sounds, it could actually kill me, haha." It was quiet as Sero took in the information, a large wave of emotions crashing on him. A person shouldn't have to be locked in a room for the rest of their life. Especially someone who is such a sweet person like Y/N.

"I-I'm so sorry to hear that Y/N. If you don't mind me asking, how...how long have you been in the hospital?" The young girl answered with a quick 'Two years', and that's when Sero felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. Kaminari abruptly got up and headed towards his door.

"I'm gonna get something to eat, you want something dude?" Kaminari's voice was low and trembling. It didn't take a genius to see that the blonde haired boy needed some time alone. "No thanks." Kaminari let out a hum, quickly exiting his room and closing the door shut. Sero heard the loud sniffs that slowly faded away, as he hung his head down.

"Hey, you good Sero? That was probably a lot to take in, sorry." Sero shook his head, letting a sad smile adorn his face. "It's fine, really. I actually feel honored that you're comfortable telling me. Feels like we're getting closer, to be honest." He smiled happily, meaning every word he said. And Y/N knew that. "Ha, we are though!" The air was tense, despite the two teenagers being in different rooms.

Y/N went to clear her throat, but was interrupted when a light knock echoed throughout her room. "Someone there?" Sero asked, noticing her silence and hearing the very faint knocking.

"Yeah, um Sero, I'll call you guys later, my doctor wants to talk." Y/N quickly replied, seeing Receen open the door and walk in with his thin suit on. Sero let out an ok and they hang up. Y/N finally took in how the doctor looked, noticeable eye bags under his blue-grey eyes, from lack of sleep. His dark hair slightly tousled, probably from putting on the protective helmet that came with the suit, and a small smile on his welcoming face. And a large container of paint in his left hand. Her eyes immediately lit up.

"What’s up doc? I see you have something in your hand, can I see it closer?" The small girl asked, getting up and making a grabbing motion with her hands. Receen chuckled, lifting up the paint for Y/N to see. Even if he were to hand her the container, she wouldn't be able to hold. She was just too weak. Said girl let out a high pitch 'OOOO ' in excitement.

"I'm not sure if you wanted more, but we managed to get you your favorite color! This should be enough to paint the room, you can even put a second layer if you want." Receen walked over to where Y/N put all the equipment, opening the container of paint. And with a low grunt from him, the lid was opened. Y/N watched with amazement as the doctor poured the soft looking paint into a tray. She picked up a roller near her, and drowned the roller in paint, the white fluff getting covered in color.

The two began painting, Y/N's hand shaking every now and then. After painting half the room, they sat in silence, resting for a while. Receen seemed to be tense, though Y/N didn't seem to notice since she was too happy to speak. Receen let out a breath, breaking the silence, causing Y/N to look towards him.

"I didn't get to ask you how you were, did I Y/N? How are you?" Said girl let a beaming smile spread on her face, causing Receen to slightly squint his eyes from the intensity of her smile. "Honestly, I haven't felt this happy in a very long time! I actually still can't believe you guys really let me do this! Thank you so much!"

Receen gave her a small smile while rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not a problem, you could’ve asked sooner and gotten this done a long time ago. You've been here for two years, so please don't be afraid of asking for things!" At the mention of her time spent in the hospital, Y/N lowered her head, causing Receen to wince. Well, might as well tell her. The doctor cleared his throat and began to talk.

"Y/N, as you are aware, I, along with many other doctors and scientists, have been working hard for you to be able to go outside again. To see your family, hug them, be a normal kid again." There was a pause and that alone caught Y/N's attention. She looked up at him. "There is a way for you to finally do that, Y/N."

Shock evident on the girl's face, she abruptly stood up and faced the doctor. There was absolutely no way anyone could have found a cure for someone like her. Someone who had an incurable sickness. Someone who was too sick, to even have medicine. He's lying. Y/N narrowed her eyes at the grown man sitting in front of her.

"With all due respect Doctor, I highly doubt that that's possible. Cuz, y'know? I basically have an incurable disease? I mean, like, even if you did manage to find a way for me to leave this place, how do you even know it's gonna work? I don't think you've tried this medicine since no one in recorded hospital documents in the past have had people like that checked in before-"

"How do you even know that?"

"-so how do you truly know it'll work?" Y/N quickly finished, completely ignoring his statement. Receen sighed, scratching his head. "We live in a world where quirks exist. Would you believe me if I told you centuries ago that the human race would evolve to have super powers? It's kind of like that, but not really." Y/N eyed him suspiciously. He's avoiding the question.

Receen looked straight at the girl standing in front of him. He felt slightly intimidated by her piercing gaze. He quickly looked away and got up, towering over Y/N's small frame. Then he smiled. "Y/N, you are a very sweet girl, no doubt about it. I know how much you want to get out of here, and I want to help you. My team has created this almost perfect pill, especially suited for your sickness. I know you're very cautious, just like your mother, but I can only reassure you, that these are your ticket out of here." He pulled out the bottle from his protective suit, shaking it in front of [Y/N].

Her eyes widened as she restrained herself from reaching out and snatching the bottle. Her eyes slightly narrowed as she pulled herself together. Crossing her arms and slightly tilting her upwards, she looked into the doctor's bright eyes. "There's always a catch when it comes to these kinds of things. What's the price if I take these? My lifespan shortens, I only have five hours to go outside, it drugs me or something?"

"I'm hurt you think I would just give you these without setting out the consequences." There was a slight glint in his eyes before it quickly disappeared. Y/N hummed, urging the doctor to continue.

"There are exactly 15 pills in here. And consuming just one of these bad boys right here, would allow you to go outside! Though, time is very important when taking these. You'd have 10 hours before the pills effects wear off. These would dull your hypersensitive senses, but not to a point where you can't feel, smell or do anything. No no, it'd just be like how you were before. You'd feel slightly dizzy and be a little itchy, but besides that, nothing too extreme. It just dulls all your body senses down." Receen gave Y/N a small smile. She looked a little weary, unsure if what he said was true. She looked at the bottle then back to Doctor Receen, fingers twitching every now and then. Breathing in and letting it out slowly, Y/N stared straight into the doctor's eyes.

If I take these, I can finally go out. I can hug mom and dad, I can be around Denki again. I can meet Sero face to face and feel the grass again! I can be... happy again. But if these don't actually work, I'd immediately die on the spot. I'd be able to go outside though. Aah, so much going outside, I can meet new people! I don't wanna spend the rest of my days slowly rotting away in here anyway.

"So Y/N, are you going to take them or let all our time go to waste?"

Sero looked at his hands solemnly, thinking about what Y/N had told him. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, then lightly slapped his cheeks to stop the wave of emotions from spilling out.

"Yo, you good dude? It's not everyday I see someone willingly slapping themselves." Kaminari chuckled, walking in and closing the door with his foot as he carried a soda bottle and a bag of chips towards the boy sitting on his bed. Sero grinned, feeling the sadness of everything wash away.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. But what about you though? After we had that conversation, you were, well, umm... kind of out of it." Kaminari froze, letting a dejected smile appear on his face. Dragging a hand down his face, he let out a sorrowful laugh.

"She's my best friend. My first real, true friend. She's basically my sister at this point. So when she collapsed that day, I felt my whole world crashing down. She is the sweetest, the most kindest, person I have ever met. She never let me degrade myself, alway cheered me up when people called me stupid." Kaminari rubbed his eyes, opening the bag of chips and plopping one of them into his mouth.

"It hasn't been the same ever since she left, her parents barely come over anymore, and they're always so sad whenever I see them. My own parents aren't the same either, they treated her like their own daughter. I can't even begin to imagine how Y/N feels about this all. She was the top in our grade, highest scores in our test. No one could compare to her. M-my heart breaks for her. She lost everything." Sero let that information sink in, thinking about how she was before. He smiled as he saw Kaminari's shoulders begin to shake. He cares so much for her.

He put his hand on his shoulder, watching Kaminari slowly lift his face towards him. "Come here you emotional ball of feelings." Being the friendly guy he is, Sero gave the sobbing boy a hug, cuz hugs fix everything.

"No homo though bro." And with that, they both laughed out loud, continuing their bro day.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #mha #bnha #mha angst #bnha fluff #bnha x reader #fanfic

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serenityseventeen · 3 years

Text

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Eighth Letter

----------------

To: Xu Minghao

From: Y/N

Dear Minghao,

I just want to thank you for being my friend despite my awkward confession, even if this current friendship might not last long. Actually, I don't think it will.

I'll be honest here since I didn't tell you this yet.

I spent a few years away from love. My high school years had so many different love stories and none of them exactly had a happy ending. They were all bittersweet endings and even the love story with you is a bit bittersweet.

I guess I misinterpreted your actions. I'm not mad or extremely sad that you rejected me, I feel like that put me in my place. Now that I think about it, maybe we weren't meant to be lovers. So, I don't want to drift away from you just because you rejected my confession. I'm not going to love you like that anymore, I want to keep you as a true friend.

I hope you won't feel awkward around me. I can already feel the awkward air but I wish for it to fade quickly. Let's not stop being friends. I'll stop loving you though. I hope you won't think of me differently now that I've confessed. I feel like you would pretend that it's fine but inside, the awkwardness only grows.

As I'm writing this letter, the fate of us is still being determined. Even I don't know what we are going to become. If the ending for us is unhappy and we decide to stop being friends... Well, I would blame myself for it. I would be losing a friend that I adored.

MinghaoI won't ever talk about my confession again so I'm writing this.

, you're a really attractive guy. I'm sure that anyone would fall for you if they got to know you. You're fashionable, fun, kind, warm-hearted, and also a great therapist, haha. You give me the best advice and always listen to my problems whenever I need to let them out. You always encourage me to speak up.

Remember that one time when I was getting yelled at by the professor over a misunderstanding? I was just standing there like a complete idiot, listening to the professor's words of criticism when you stood up and said, “Professor, it wasn't Y/N's fault. If you looked closely, you would have seen that the dress already had holes in it from the beginning. It was a part of the design. As a fashion professor, how could you overlook that?”

Your expression was so serious and you completely cornered the professor. I feel kind of bad talking about the professor like this but I just want to praise you. The professor apologized after class but I knew he was unwilling to admit his mistake.

When you stood up for me for the first time, you left such an admirable first impression. I wanted to get to know you immediately! You were so cool speaking straightforwardly like that and not hesitantly speaking your mind and standing up for me. I still admire you.

Minghao, honestly, I don't think we'll be okay.

The words still kind of hurt me. Whenever I see you, I think back on those words you said to me.

Since I was just a friend that confessed, I don't think you would remember your response to my confession, so let me remind you; not in a bad way. Since this is a keepsake letter, I just want to remind myself.

I think you and I were in front of an art museum together. You invited me along that bright, sunny morning, and of course, after realizing my feelings, I couldn't deny your offer. I was excited.

I'm sure you'll never know my side of the story so I'll tell you everything that happened that day and why it leaves a small scar in my chest. I'm not blaming you for it, I'm blaming myself. Minghao, it's all my fault.

Honestly, I was too expectant. Gosh... I was way too ahead of myself that day. Our friendly hangout in my head was a date.

After you invited me and told me that you'd come to pick me up in 30 minutes, I rolled out of my college dormitory bed and rushed everything. I did my hair, makeup, and tried to dress prettily for you.

I did my best in that short amount of time but the only thing you complimented was my outfit. Sure, I was happy, but also disappointed. I was bummed because I didn't even have a chance to breathe, meanwhile, you were looking as fashionable as ever with almost no effort.

The museum was fun. I always had a knack for art so everything was admirable and lovely. What made it better was that I was able to spend that time with you. We shared our thoughts with each other but to me, you looked way too serious. I should have gotten the hint then that you didn't feel the same way about me as I did toward you.

Suddenly, this lump started forming on my chest and I just felt like I should get it off. I didn't want to hold back anymore so after walking around the art museum, the words just slipped out of my mouth.

Then you went silent while staring at me.

“I'm sorry.”

I said it was fine then because I thought I was really fine with the rejection. But just a bit after, I realized that I couldn't ride in the same car as you. I wouldn't be able to. Everything came flooding back into my brain, the memories of us that I thought were memorable. That's why I told you to leave first. I'm sure you knew that we both were uncomfortable.

After you left, I just sort of... reminisced our sweet moments that seemed romantic enough to make us more than friends. I did that while taking a walk.

I especially remembered the days when we went shopping, worked together after courses and talked about our days. Even these things that seem so small held so many memorable things to me, including moments that made my heart pound and race.

Since you rejected me, friend-zoning me, I can only conclude that you don't like me back, thus the conclusion that these moments meant nothing more than acts of kindness.

Minghao, you shouldn't be so kind, or else people would misunderstand you, like me. Why must you be so attractive? You're masculine but at the same time, you can become so soft and cute and caring.

Anyway, at this point, you've probably lost interest in reading this letter (if you ever read it). I hope you'll trudge on though as I keep going forward with the reminiscing. I know that you like reading, Minghao.

So, when we went to the bookstore, there was something memorable that happened to me there.

Yes, it made my heart pound too.

Yes, it made me fall harder for you.

I was really sleepy that day. All the college work piling up only made me more stressed and I was so tired. You didn't know that I was, did you?

I ended up falling asleep at a table while you were choosing books.

When I woke up, I saw your face. It wasn't upside down, you were sitting next to me, with your head lying against the table, facing me. It's still a question to me why you did that when you could have just woken me up or sat somewhere else, but well, you rejected me.

You and I just stared at each other. I was wondering then, what were you thinking?

At that time, I didn't know how you felt about me, so every little thing was hope. Your face was so close to mine and our bodies were against each other slightly. I was able to feel your warm breath.

“Are you wide awake now?” You asked.

Minghao, when you asked that, I honestly got the feeling that you were nervous because you quickly got up and removed the book you have placed under my head while I was sleeping.

You? Nervous? I guess I was wrong.

Even now, I feel a bit hopeful that maybe sometimes, I did make your heart race, but that's all just false hope.

We went clothes shopping around a month ago.

You wanted to get some new hats and I tagged along because we were friends. While picking hats, we were talking about normal stuff that we always talk about, so I was busy with that conversation. I was talking to you while looking at hats and then suddenly, I felt a hat plop down on my head.

When I turned around, I nearly bumped into your chest. Your hand was still on my head, where the hat was placed. I was so nervous and my whole body was burning up, you know that?

After that, you had to attack again with your soft giggles and smile, making me completely melt.

Then, you took off the hat and patted my head and ruffed my hair, then continued the conversation as if you didn't just do that to me. Of course, you probably never knew how I felt.

This is the last one, I promise.

I picked this one carefully.

That day after courses. It was a rainy afternoon and we were together at the library, studying and working together.

It was getting dark but we didn't expect the rain so we didn't take umbrellas with us. We ended up staying at the library for hours, just talking.

That was the important, special part of this memory.

We talked a lot and I was happy. You made a lot of jokes and I learned a lot more about you. You also smiled a lot. I was just really happy to be around you, talking about your life and mine.

I don't know why this one is the most memorable for me. I just always, constantly, remember the scene of us sitting at a table in the library, talking to each other beside a window painted with raindrops.

I don't know if you felt it but to me, it seemed more like we were flirting.

Minghao, now that I've reached the near end of this letter, I think I've decided the future for us.

Let's not stay friends. I don't want to fall for you. I don't want to love you. Being your friend would only make it worse for both of us since you didn't feel the same way.

You asking me to your b-boy competitions, you asking me to look at your art projects, it was all just normal things that friends would do but I overreacted.

It's all my fault and I'm sorry for it. I'm sorry and I know that I can't fix our friendship. I was such a fool.

Minghao, I hope you can find a better friend than me; A friend that doesn't misunderstand you, a friend that can love you without falling for you romantically, a friend that can be better than me.

My love stories always have a bittersweet ending so don't worry, you're not the only guy.

Thank you for being my friend for a year. I really appreciate it. You were a great buddy, fun, kind, serious, and caring.

I'm sorry for being this way.

I'm sorry for what I did, though I can't take back my confession.

I shouldn't have fallen in love, right?

Sincerely,

Y/N

-----------------

7/1/21 - 10:28 pm

a/n: Get well! Wishing our best leader a healthy recovery!!! + it's the month of July, which means... Wonwoo's bday (and my sister's). + Ending fairy Boo = iconic ><

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thestarssystem · 3 years

Note

hello! same anon who asked the last question about being able to send an ask! i've been having questions about whether or not i could be an osdd system (1b to be specific) but i can't find answers to sone questions so i was hoping you could help me out? it's really long, sorry:(

1. the thing i have the most issues with is alters fronting. i don't exactly know how it feels to have another alter fronting and taking control of the body. there's only been a few times where i've genuinely felt like i wasn't in control of my body & felt trapped in it but other than that, whenever all my other alters(?) fronted i would still generally be able to control the body. i don't know how to explain it. for example, an alter who i think is a protector was fronting last night but besides the name and some traits, everything was pretty much still the same, like as if i was the protector? and i'm not the most knowledgeable on how osdd works, but should i be feeling atleast somewhat out of my control ?? it's happened pretty much every time an alter(?) has fronted(?) and i ended up in a really bad mood after trying to validate the possibility i might have osdd because i didn't know if this was real or if i was just being delusional. and this is kinda a silly question but when another alter fronts, thinking is still the same, right? like they can still talk in their head like a singlet would and such

2. 'voices' in your head - a lot of systems i've come across generally have the voices. i don't, atleast i don't think i do. again, i don't know how it would be if i experienced it. is it like how someone would talk to you irl? or is it more vague? or is it like, more of a feeling that you can't really 'hear' but yk it's saying that?

3. i can't exactly communicate with my alters, if i have any. i don't know how to and even then it feels really odd trying to talk to myself and again, i start to feel dumb/delusional again because osdd may not even be the case.

4. similar to the last thing, is it normal to 'talk' to your system? like last night for example, it's a blurry memory now but i remember 'we're going to bed now' 'we're gonna do this and then sleep' and such, despite the fact i know we can't really communicate. i think another alter was fronting then

4. i have trouble recognizing my alters as seperate identities and people, and rather tend to think they're pieces of me. so like, if another alter were to do something, and later i fronted, and if i would talk about what the other alter did i would still use "i did" rather than "(other alter) did". i'd just like some advice on this part

5. i have no idea whether or not systems i've met have 'different talents' but i've seen it going around a lot. to be more specific, my 'talents' or other stuff has never really changed. i usually still have social anxiety, my triggers are usually still the same, i've never suddenly gotten good at anything, and so on. is it a normal/common thing for systems for that not to happen?

6. memory. i have really bad memory, which actually led me to did/osdd (+ 8/9 year old me going "why do i feel like two people" and googling it years ago), and i always have trouble recalling what happened. after i do anything and i try to think back to it - it's just foggy. i can sometimes remember a bit of what happened, but generally i'll have to think for a bit and the visual memory of it will just be really really blurry. this happens pretty much every day but i have no idea if it does the same with important events because nothing important has really happened. and another thing - when you switch, do you still remember friends/online friends/family? i've had times where they've seemed odd(?) and somewhat unrecognizable but i've always known it's them, same with trauma and other stuff. i've always kinda known about it.

7. i've tested some things multiple times. for example, a few days or weeks ago, i was doing and typing stuff on discord in a server just for me, for fun. when i went away and checked back later, i know that it was me who did it, just not,, me, yk? like it happened with my own fingers and hands, i didn't have exact visual memories that i did it, but i had memory of doing it, so like, i knew, despite the fact another alter could've been the one doing it. same thing happened last night - now that i look back at the account i, or my alter, created, i can tell it wasn't exactly 'me', but i still had memory doing it. and it's never been like "what is this? i have zero memory of doing this" or something like that

8. i don't really have roles for my alters. well, some do. for example i think a protector (and maybe caretaker as well) was fronting last night. i just have trouble with the roles? if that makes sense. unless it comes naturally, like the protector for example, it's just kinda really hard for me to make stuff out. i also have dpdr & i dissociate and i believe that influences on how i view my identity and how i can't really make out stuff, even stuff like emotions, my opinion on something, who's fronting, etc.

9. as far as i know, systems have an 'inner world', right? i know some systems that don't, but i'm not sure if i have it and i dont know how to find out if i do

to add on, i'm kinda worried i might just be thinking i have osdd because i've been exposed(?) to it and that i might just be delusional and that i'm just making people up

lastly, would it be a good idea to try to reach out to alters? and if i should, how would i do so? thank you :D !! again, i'm really really sorry this was so long! don't stress yourself out on this please:]

- fox

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained mental health professionals! All of the information we give is coming from our own experience as a system, or from research we have done! We always recommend that, if at all possible, you speak to a therapist about OSDD/DID!

hello! thanks for you questions! i’ll do my best to answer everything haha. I’m going to section everything off in the same way you did, but there may be some overlap between questions!

1.)I’m gonna start my answer to this by saying that switching feels and looks different for every system. There is no one way to switch. What happens for us when we fully switch is the obvious dissociative feeling, and then it feels like we’re “falling” almost and then after that falling feeling, we’ve switched. With your experience you’re describing, though, it seems more like co-conscious or co-fronting. Co-conscious is typically a feeling like you’re still in full control of the body, but another alter is in the ‘passenger seat of the car’ and is giving their thoughts on what’s happening on the outside. Co-fronting is more of a feeling where you feeling like you’re half in control of your body, and another alter has half control of your body. This can be a moment (that i’ve vaguely described on my tumblr actually) of feeling like “this isn’t my hand. I’m not controlling that arm.” However, that feeling can also happen with depersonalization. To help you tell the difference, i think it could be helpful to journal when/if you get those feelings and if you “feel” different, like you could actually be another alter. —/ part b.) for my system at least, thinking is still the same, regardless of who’s fronting. I’m not sure if that’s the same for other systems, but i’ve never heard or seen anyone talking about thinking being any different, but i have heard systems discussing something i’ll address in #2

2.) so, in my experience, my system does not audibly hear each other’s voices. Some systems do, and some systems have a different form of communication. Since i can’t talk about audible voices, i’ll only talk about ‘intrusive thought’ communication, which is what we experience. For my system, we get an intrusive thought of sorts. It’s just a thought, but we can tell who it’s coming from (honestly not really sure how, it’s just a feeling. I can always tell who is telling me something) That thought is different from normal thinking though, because it doesn’t feel like it’s coming from us and it has a different... vibe?? idk i honestly can’t really think of how to explain it lmaoo. To continue my answer from part 1, alters can use something called “passive influence” which is where they ‘control’ your thoughts to get what they want. An easy example is if someone asks what you (the fronting alter) want to drink and you want to answer water, but another alter wants sprite, they can use passive influence to say that YOU want sprite, when really you don’t. That’s the only way I can really think of the act of thinking being different though haha.

3.) my system doesn’t really have the best internal communication, but that’s the case for a lot of systems, especially new ones. It takes time and determination. One of the ways i’ve seen suggested to help with internal communication is before you go to sleep, when you’re in the calm and peaceful state, just ask into your head if anyone is there and wants to talk to you. Let them knower they’re safe and that you want to talk. Keep the convo friendly and ask them about themselves (i.e their name, age, role {if they have one}, favorite color, etc)

4.) to be completely honest, it’ll just take practice to change your habit of using “i did.” I don’t know how old you are, but you went your entire life up until this point believing you were a singlet. Using “i did” is still natural for you to use as a default. Try to catch yourself as (or after) you say “i did” and try to correct yourself and overtime that habit will hopefully be broken. The same goes for not really recognizing your alters. You went your whole life thinking everything was just ‘you’ (the host) so now, when discussing OSDD, it might be hard to really pinpoint who is who. That’ll just take time though. But don’t force your alters to fit a specific mold you made for them. Everything with figure itself out eventually

5.) what you described (with different talents and different mental health issues) doesn’t happen to my system and i believe it doesn’t happen to a good portion of systems, especially OSDD systems. The only thing that really changes for my system from alter to alter is preferences, such as food, instruments (my system knows how to play 8 instruments and each alter prefers one over the other lmao), and hobbies (like reading, painting, and writing) HOWEVER, we all still can paint and play all 8 of our instruments with the same skill. Our skill level doesn’t change between alter, just our desire to do that activity (if that makes any sense lmao)

6.) problems with memory and forgetting things is not a sign of OSDD-1b. Dissociative amnesia is only a sign of OSDD-1a and DID. I think it might be helpful to keep track of your switches and see if your memory “fog” overlaps with it. If yes, then you should probably consider check out OSDD-1a or DID. If it doesn’t, my honest suggestion is to consider talking to a doctor/therapist about memory problems and short term memory loss. (also to answer your question asking if we remember online friends: yes, we always remember other people, regardless of who’s fronting)

7.) this relates back to the memory question. OSDD-1b is not characterized by forgetfulness or memory problems. With OSDD-1b, you will never have that moment of “I don’t remember doing this” unless there is a VERY specific reason (i.e. a traumatic event that needs to be hidden) It is normal, on the other hand, to know that another alter did something, rather than you, and still have memory of it.

8.) i think roles are difficult for a lot of systems. I know my system had (and still has) a little bit of trouble with roles. My biggest advice is actually something i’m following rn and that’s to not force roles. Let alters naturally choose their roles. It may take a really long time though, but that’s okay. It might help to do some research as well. Google all the different alter types and see if you can pinpoint some that fit your system (like i said though, don’t forget those roles! let them have the ultimate decision)

9.) My system doesn’t have an inner world. We have something called Aphantasia which makes it impossible to see images in our head. There are systems who don’t have an inner world, however i don’t know if there is a specific reason or not. Ive heard that meditating can help you access the inner world, as well as, once again, trying to access it before you fall asleep. However, because I can’t have an inner world, i haven’t done much research on the topic and I suggest that you try and find a method that works for you :)

closing points: When considering any type of mental health problem/ mental disorder, make sure you’re not bending the diagnostic criteria to fit you. With OSDD, there are slight differences between every system, but nothing major that would require serious bending of the criteria. At the very end, you asked if you should try and reach out to your alters. You DEFINITELY should. They’re scared and confused, just like you. I think my answer for 3.) gives a good, easy starting point for alter communication c:

I hope these answers helped, at least a little. Good luck and stay safe xx

-the stars system (written by multiple alters all at different times)

~sorry if there’s any typos~

#osdd protector #osdd positivity #did osdd #osdd problems #osdd alter #osdd community #actually osdd #osdd support #osdd system #osdd #osdd 1b #dissociative system #dissociative alters #other specified dissociative disorder

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our-heroes-rise · 5 years

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Hi there!!! First time requesting... I'll use this chance to request a Midoriya x reader story where reader is small breasted, tall, thin, shy at the beginning, cheerful when they're comfortable, nerd, gamer, wears glasses, brunette and olive skinned. I'll leave the plot on your capable hands, I just want a happy ending, please!!! Izuku and reader ending up together!!! Thank you so much!!!

i think i had a bit too much fun writing this, haha. i deeply apologize for the ridiculously long wait though, hun, and i hope you enjoy what i’ve written for you. i rewrote this three times then finally got something i was happy with on the third try. think i’ll try to incorporate the “realistic” messages more often, they’re sure fun to make. anyway, hope you like it!

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Your fingers thrummed anxiously against the hardwood table as you stared blankly at the textbook before you, not at all taking in the very much helpful information it provided for figuring out the problem you had been stuck on for the past ten minutes. It wasn’t entirely your fault that you couldn’t bring yourself to focus though.

Ten minutes. They were all ten minutes late.

It wasn’t normal for all of them to be late. Momo was always on time -- always early, in fact. She never allowed herself to be less than five minutes early. Which was why you were extremely surprised when you entered the small coffee shop to find your friend’s usual table vacant of the beautiful high black ponytail.

There were no new messages in the group chat, you had already checked about a million times since you had arrived.

Nothing to let you know that anyone would be running late, or had canceled plans. It was so unlike Momo -- so unlike everyone, honestly. And it made you nervous.

Had something happened to them? Did a message not get through to you or something? What if they had all said that they couldn’t make it and he showed up expecting everyone to be here but all he found was you sitting at a table by yourself? Oh God, that would make it look like you lied to him. Would he be mad and want to leave? Why would he want to stay? He had probably only said he would come because he didn’t want you to feel bad if he rejected your offer.

That didn’t make sense anyway, he was in the group chat so even if you didn’t get the message that didn’t mean he wouldn’t. Why would he even bother coming then?

Dear Lord, you wished your brain would shut up.

Two years. Two whole stupid years you have had a crush on him and never once had you tried to “shoot your shot”, as Mina would put it. You would face a hundred villains and All Might himself before you decided to muster up the courage to shoot your dumb friggin shot and face the possible embarrassment of rejection. It had taken you months to actually stand there like a big girl and have a decent conversation with him without stumbling over your words and averting your eyes away from him every two seconds. Then even longer to just ask him to hang out with you.

But not alone. God, no, not alone. You had to have other people there or else it would be too intimate, at least with other people you could have other things to distract yourself with if things got awkward. Keeping up a conversation with people you liked or weren’t extremely familiar with wasn’t exactly your forte. Your brain always seemed to draw a blank, which made normal human interaction a pain.

If you got stuck alone here with him you weren’t sure that you could forgive your friends for ditching, unless something really serious had happened. Geez, how would you even focus on your work? The study session hadn’t entirely been a ploy made up by your friends and yourself just to get to spend time with your crush. You had actually planned to study for the upcoming math test. You weren’t exactly terrible at math. Usually, you didn’t have much of a problem with it, but this unit had been utter hell, to put it bluntly. If someone is trying to become a hero, why do they need to know how to calculate the length and space between a curve on a graph? Really, what was the point?

A shrill ping echoed through your headphones, interrupting your blaring music and causing you to flinch slightly out of your thoughts.

Your eyes narrowed as they trailed further and further down the paragraph, suspicion settling into the pit of your stomach. All three of your most family-oriented friends forgot they had previous arrangements with their families? Doubtful. Mina getting food poisoning sounded about right, she sat with Sero and Kaminari during lunch sometimes, who are always daring her to eat disgusting food combinations. Jirou offering to help take care of said sick Mina? Absolutely not. Jirou can not stand to be around sick people, it grosses her out. She would rather spend ten minutes flirting with Bakugou than smell another person’s food-poison vomit.

If they had wanted to lie they should have tried a little harder to make it believable.

You weren’t going to call them out on it, though. Not once the realization dawned on you that your friends had, in undeniable fact now, left you all alone with your crush. And on purpose.

Why do they hate me?!

Your fingers hovered over the keyboard, at a loss for what to say, until you saw his message slide through the chat.

Your heart lurched into your throat at his question. Now was your chance to ditch, to reschedule the plans for another time, and you were already typing up your excuse when another message pinged through your headphones.

This was completely unfair. They had all promised to be here with you and now they were all dropping out on you at the last second like they had planned this all along. Which, honestly, is probably what they had done.

You let out a heavy sigh, slumping further down into your seat, textbook and notes completely forgotten.

Truly, you knew your friends meant well in all of this, you just wished they had chosen a better way to go about it.

But, there really isn’t a better way, is there?

You certainly weren’t going to make the first move and Midoriya probably wasn’t either - if he even liked you that way. Despite the great amount of confidence he had gained over the past few years, mostly regarding his fighting style and the way he spoke to Bakugou, he could still be easily flustered, even if it wasn’t as common as before. So, no, you supposed there definitely wasn’t a better way your friends could have pulled this off.

Another heavily anxious sigh pushed past your lips as you fixed your slouching posture and reopened the group chat.

You let your fingers loom over the keyboard, once again, seriously contemplating your original idea to take a raincheck. Midoriya wouldn’t be upset with you, he would be completely understanding, especially if your excuse was good enough. Period cramps were a thing, ya know? Sometimes they caught you off guard and maybe you just didn’t -

Oh, for Christ’s sake, screw it.

That wasn’t too bad.

No, it was perfectly fine and he would be here in a few minutes.

He would be here in a few minutes.

Oh, for the love of All Might, he would be here, with you, alone, in a few God forsakenly short minutes and you had not a clue in the whole stupid world how this was going to go. You were panicking, a sort of pathetic amount, if you were going to be honest with yourself.

This was just Midoriya.

Midoriya, the cute nerdy kid who was the absolute sweetest person you had ever met in your entire life. The I Can And Absolutely Will Give My Life To Protect Everyone I Know And Love, Midoriya. The Midoriya who could shatter ten brick walls with less than a fifth of his power and still have enough to fend off three hundred more waiting villains.

Midoriya, the kindest, most gentle, and fiery soul you had ever known. The soul you had so stupidly allowed yourself to fall in love with these past few years.

Love.

That was a strong word, but something about it felt right when you applied it to your feelings for the gentle green-haired boy, which was a little terrifying, considering that most of his perspective of you was largely unknown. It was probably just your overly hormonal teenage brain trying to convince you that this emotion could only be found in the green eyes of the one and only class nerd. That didn’t matter anymore though. You knew you had already let yourself fall too far from the cliff edge to have any hope of saving yourself now.

Screw it, you repeated to yourself, tossing your phone back onto the table to resume staring blankly at your textbook, your brows only slightly more furrowed than before.

You had already started digging this grave two years ago, fully aware of the consequences, might as well finish it up and lay in it, nothing worse could come of it. Except, maybe, being buried alive and suffocating under the weight of your own regret.

It’ll be fine. It’s just Izuku. My friend. My friend... that I’ve had a crush on for -

It was a long - but still too short - couple of minutes.

Midoriya arrived at the cafe ten minutes later looking surprisingly out of breath. The freckled bridge of his nose and cheeks were a bright rosy red, bitten from the crisp winter evening air. He slumped into the chair across from you, flashing you the brightest smile you had ever seen while he set his bag down beside him.

“Sorry, I’m late,” He said, voice garbled through the noise of your headphones, which you immediately yanked out. “I was talking to Kirishima and completely lost track of time. I’m glad you waited for me though.”

“O-Oh, it’s okay,” you stammered, doing your best to return his smile just as confidently, though you were sure anyone could see how terribly flustered you already were. “I really hadn’t been waiting that long, I’m just happy you were able to come.” His breathing still sounded slightly labored as he pulled out his notebook and Algebra textbook, your brow quirked up in curiosity. “Izuku, did you run all the way here or something?”

A flush that you know has nothing to do with with the cold flares up his entire face to the tips of his ears, and his green eyes flicker sheepishly towards yours. “Uhm - Well, yeah, I felt bad for keeping you waiting for so long. Don’t worry, it was just a couple of blocks, I’m okay.” A small breathless laugh bubbled past his lips, “I’m thankful for Aizawa’s endurance training though.”

“Yeah,” you laughed with him, too aware of the heat you felt crawling up your neck. He had actually ran all the way from the dorms to the coffee shop just for you, because he felt guilty for keeping you waiting, even if it had only been a couple of minutes.

It was silly for you to dwell on such a thing, honestly. Midoriya really was just that type of person, it wouldn’t be considered a big deal to anyone else, but to you it meant the world. And you couldn’t do anything to tame the butterflies in your stomach when you pictured him, face scrunched with slight panic and focus as he rushed through the evening crowds all the way here, just to get to you quicker.

“I know it’s a bit late and all,” Midoriya mumbled, bringing you back into reality with a small jolt that, thankfully, went completely unnoticed by him as he still had his face in his bag. “But did you want anything from the cafe? I brought some money with me.”

“No, I’m okay, thank you though.” You were wide awake right now, caffeine wouldn’t do anything but make your nerves worse.

A small frown tugged at the corner of his mouth once he came back up from his bag, beaten up All Might wallet in hand. It was a challenge not to crack a smile in its direction. “You sure? I really don’t mind getting you something. I feel like I should pay you back for waiting for me.”

You rolled your eyes picking up a playful smile so he knew you weren’t actually irritated with him. “I told you, it’s fine, Izuku. You didn’t keep me waiting long, I promise.” You waved a hand in the direction of the cafe bar, “If you want to get something, go ahead, I don’t mind waiting a few more minutes.”

Midoriya paused for a moment, casting his gaze off to the side for a second before he shook his head. Seemingly having made a decision he tucked his wallet back into his backpack and gave you a warm grin. “I’m fine, I was really just asking for you, but I’m glad you’re not upset. You’re really too sweet, Y/n. Anyway, was there anything you wanted to go over first? Ochaco said you were struggling with-”

But your mind had started buzzing the second his compliment had reached your ears. A part of your brain was screaming at yourself to get a grip and the other part of you just really, really wanted to hear him say it again with that same heart-melting smile of his.

“Yeah,” you said absently, unaware as to what you were actually agreeing to. You knew the smile you were giving him must have made you look like a lovesick puppy ready to barf rainbows, yet you didn’t have enough properly operating brain cells to make you care. “We can start with that first.”

“Okay, that’s great! I have some notes you can look over if you want, or I can explain it if you’d like. I was also having trouble with this, but Iida was able to explain it to me in a way that actually makes sense, so I can try to explain it the same way. Is that alright?”

It took all of your focus to make yourself look down at the notebook he was holding out for you and actually process the words written on the paper. Then another few seconds for you to realize that you had no clue what in the hell the notes were talking about. Yeah, you definitely couldn’t zone out anymore or else you would be utterly screwed by the time the test came around.

“Uh, explain it, please?” you mumbled, casting a quick shy glance in his direction. “If you don’t mind.”

He chuckled and the sound made the heat in your cheeks grow a little hotter. “Not at all. So, the way Tenya explained it was like this...”

It was quite a feat to keep your brain focused on the task at hand rather than on the way Midoriya’s hand would brush against yours every once in a while when he was showing you how to solve a problem. Or the way his nose crinkled when he thought something you did was funny, but clearly didn’t want to laugh at for your sake. Or the way he had asked if he could sit next to you instead of across from you because it would be a lot easier for him to show you what he was doing. And the way his warm shoulder - covered in a large grey hoodie that had no right looking that good on him - pressed gently into yours.

It had been a difficult battle, but you had won. By the end of the night, you were caught up on everything you hadn’t understood in Algebra a couple hours prior. Midoriya grinned proudly down at your practice problems, unable to find a single mistake this time.

“You’re a really quick learner, Y/n,” he laughed, tilting his head to look back at you, his green eyes sparkling. “Are you sure you needed my help in the first place?”

You flushed, letting out a small giggle. “Oh, definitely,” you responded softly from behind the hand you had brought up to cover your mouth. “I didn’t know what the heck I was doing until you got here. It all just looked like a bunch of-”

“You shouldn’t hide your smile like that. It’s too beautiful to keep hidden.”

“H-Huh?” Oh, your face was totally on fire now.

Had you heard him correctly?

“I-I mean - U-Uhm - I’m really sorry!” Midoriya stammered, his hands immediately flying up into the air as if he didn’t know where to put them anymore as he quickly shuffled away from you on the booth. “That was really weird of me to say, sorry. I just - well, uhm - just -” he moved his text book over towards him and stared intensely at it, obviously intent on not making anymore eye contact with you.

Which was the absolute last thing you wanted right now, but you were still trying to wrap your head around everything that had just happened. That wasn’t the usual Midoriya compliment. He didn’t tell all of his friends how beautiful he thought there smiles were. It didn’t even seem like he had meant to say it in the first place, he was so flustered now.

“Was there - uhm - anything else you wanted to go over? I’m pretty much caught up on everything, so it’s - it’s whatever you want to do.”

Well, that definitely caught your attention. “You’re caught up on everything?” You asked slowly, brain still buffering severely. Midoriya nodded, green curls bouncing with the jerky movement. He didn’t look at you though. “Izuku, did you rush all the way out here just to help me?”

Again, not a thing Midoriya wouldn’t naturally do on his own, but the way he was reacting was a clear sign that this wasn’t just because of that fantastically kind heart of his. Warm hope, that you didn’t have the willpower to crush, bloomed large and all consuming within your chest.

He nodded once again, but this time you caught the apprehensive glance he shot at you from the corner of his eye. “Y-Yeah.” You noticed how prominent his freckles looked against the firey color of his cheeks, and it made your heart flutter. Midoriya let out a heavy sigh before finally looking back towards you, textbook forgotten. “Ochaco said it was a good idea for us to hang out together because - well - I - she knows that I - that I’ve liked you for a while.” The last part was barely loud enough for you to hear over the night time rush of the cafe, but your ears had most definitely not failed you that time.

“M-Me?”

Yes, you idiot! Who else would he be talking about?

Ochaco had known about it. Your best friend had known about it and hadn’t told you? Had let you keep your feelings for him buried deep within your heart for all of that time.

You couldn’t blame her, no matter how terribly you wanted to. You knew Ochaco did it with the best intentions. Ochaco wasn’t one to go around spilling everyone’s secrets. She had probably kept hope that Midoriya - or maybe you, even though the chances of that were slim to none - would finally admit to one another. That made this grand scheme of hers her way of telling you and Midoriya that even she had gotten tired of waiting for you two.

“Yeah, I told her this was a bad idea and that you probably didn’t feel the same way, but she insisted,” he added quickly, hands gone back to moving around the air awkwardly. “I’m really sorry that I’ve made this really weird now, I - I can leave if you want.”

Without thinking - just as you had been through out the course of this entire conversation - your hand shot out to wrap around one of his to keep him in place, even though he had made no indication of getting up.

“No!” You winced at your sudden volume, face burning again. “No, you can stay. Trust me, you haven’t made it weird, I’m just - uhh - trying to, I guess, process everything. Give me a second, please?”

Midoriya looked visibly stunned, but nodded his quick jerky nod nonetheless, bouncing his green curls again. Your brain ran through everything he had just said over and over until you were absolutely positive you hadn’t imagined any of it. Until you were absolutely positive that the boy you had so stupidly allowed yourself to fall for had just admitted having feelings for you. It wasn’t a trick of your mind from lack of sleep or too many hours of work, Midoriya had really just said all of that. That he thought your smile was too beautiful to hide, that he had ran all this way not because he needed to study but because he wanted to make sure you didn’t need his help, that he liked you. But not just liked you, he had liked you for a while.

A while. How long was that?

Probably not as long as you, but the answer didn’t matter. You were sure that he could have told you it was for the past couple of hours and you would still be just as happy.

A gentle squeeze around your hand from calloused fingers pulled you back to Earth, and you looked down to find that his hand - only slightly bigger than yours - was still wrapped up tightly in your own as if you were too scared to let go of him, scared he would disappear like the remnants of a dream.

“A-are you sure I didn’t make it weird?”

You laughed breathlessly, a bright grin lighting up your face as you lifted your eyes to meet his. His shoulders had relaxed a tiny bit, but his emerald eyes were still swimming with anxiety, even when you shook your head no.

“I’m - I’m sure, Izuku. I promise you didn’t make it weird.” You glanced down to pull his hand into your lap as you shifted in your seat to face him properly. Truthfully, you should have let go of his hand a while ago, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it yet. At least, he didn’t seem to mind. “I just - I dunno - I guess, I thought I would never be able to hear you say those words and I’m still having a hard time believing that you’ve even said them-”

“I said them!” He jumped in, the anxiety replaced by overwhelming joy. “That was all real, trust me, my heart is still pounding from the anxiety.” He let out a shaky laugh to which you joined him in. “I wasn’t at all sure how tonight was going to go. All Ochaco had told me was that I should trust her and that everything would be fine and, honestly, I didn’t know whether to believe her or not. But then when I got here and I saw you I knew there was no way I could keep this from you anymore. I had planned to tell you on the way home, except, well, I guess spending all of this time alone with you was enough to push me over the edge.”

You grinned and softly breathed, “I’m glad.”

——

There hadn’t been many people left out on the streets, this part of town never really got busy after dark because there were no bars or clubs. Only small shops and businesses that closed no later than ten lined this city block and every city block within a five mile radius of U.A. The frosty night air nawed at the warmth from your cheeks, washing them with a deep shade of scarlet. You curled into the warmth of your thick wooly sweater, thankful that you had thought to put it back on before leaving the cafe.

One of your hands took refuge in your cozy double sleeve so that it was no more than a nub of thick cloth, while the other, wound frigid fingers through the tender warmth his hand provided. A small, content smile adorned your face as you walked closely together, shoulders brushing with each step, to conserve the heat between you two.

Midoriya was beaming. He hadn’t stopped since he had left the cafe with his hand in yours, heart singing in delight at the sensation of your fingers slotted perfectly through his, like the missing pieces of a puzzle. His joy and excitement was so clearly bubbling past the brim of his self-control, you were sure that if he could smile any brighter that he would, just to show how proud he was to be holding your hand.

Neither of you said anything on your walk back to the dorms. You didn’t have to and neither did he, even if his posture said that he could barely contain himself. Midoriya could speak if he wanted, knew that without a shadow of a doubt, but he chose not to. He chose to walk with you, hand intertwined with yours, on a blissfully quiet trip back to the dorms, basking in your presence. Just as you did so happily with him.

Minutes pass much too quickly though, and it seems like you’re upon the entrance steps of the dorms only seconds later. He pauses and you stop with him, turning to face him, eager for the buildings heat, but more eager to understand the hesitation that flickers in his gaze. Another moment of silence passed before he turned to you, freckled cheeks flushed a bright red that once more has to do with far more than just the cold.

You wait patiently, eyes soft and mouth still pulled into a gentle smile that wordlessly urges him to speak his mind. He takes you in for one last moment, his beaming grin grown slightly muted as he searches for the confidence he needs, which he quickly finds resting in your own gaze.

“I - uhm - I just wanted to thank you,” he started quietly, “for making tonight so amazing. I really can’t tell you how happy it made me.”

Oh, you were going to swoon, truly.

This boy...

After all that he had done for you tonight, he still wanted to thank you. To thank you. When all you had done was show up and bottle up your feelings for the past two years. You didn’t deserve him and you weren’t sure if the universe had already realized its mistake, but there was no way in hell you were going to give him back now.

“Izuku,” you sighed, your smile lifting fondly at the edges, “I should be the one thanking you here. You went through all of this trouble today just to help me out and if it weren’t for you I would still be sitting there with that stupid text book and my harbored feelings not knowing what the heck I was supposed to do. So, thank you for all that you did for me tonight and making it one I will forever remember.”

His mouth fell open in a look of awe and soft adoration, then within one swift step forward, he swooped down and gently pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was short and sweet, a fleeting brush of his lips, but it was enough to warm your entire body in a flood of overwhelming heat.

Midoriya pulled away, cheeks flushed with embarrassment, likely matching your own, and gaze slightly chagrined. “S-Sorry, I should have asked.”

You beamed, shaking your head vigorously as you moved to wrap your arms around his neck, bringing your forehead to rest against his, “Stop apologizing for silly things and kiss me again.”

“S-Sor - I mean - wait, really?”

You couldn’t stop yourself from giggling at the genuine surprise in his eyes, it was adorable. “Yes, Izuku, yes, kiss me again.”

And so he did. With a grin that reflected your own, he pressed his lips against yours once more, this time more firmly than the first, and brought his hands to your hips to pull you closer.

The night wasn’t so cold anymore. He warmed your heart, your chest, your body, your soul. Everything you could ever ask for, he was a brilliant pillar of light that radiated comforting heat and he was all yours. Your own personal ray of sunshine that you would hold on to for as long as you could.

———————————————————————

✨ written 10/9/19 ✨

#midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #midoriya izuku #midoriya imagines #midoriya scenarios #bnha #mha #bnha headcanons #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha scenarios #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #ochaco uraraka #momo yaoyorozu #bnha mina ashido #bnha jirou #bnha tooru

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erismerald · 4 years

Text

MY NEW ROAD - Chapter 1

» Older Daniel Diaz x reader

» Warnings: mature, romance, blood, gang

Chapter 2

» So i was hoping i could read something about daniel diaz, at the end of 5 ep, and as i was sick of waiting, so i decided to write a long short about older daniel diaz, so let's go :)

And there I was, in this moment i was terrified, I could I feel my blood coming out of my belly, it hurts a lot... I couldn't breathe, or think, to be honest I didn't know what to do... Who is he? Why is he here? For a few seconds i felt my body being lifted up.

" Y/N ? Oh please wake up... ahhh SEAN!!!!"

I recognized this voice, but I just let my eyes close, I felt my body fall asleep.

*A FEW HOURS EARLIER*

So HI!! My name is y/n, im 17 and right now I'm living on my own in Mexico, more property in puerto lobos.

I'm a very simple girl, I grew up in LA with my grandparents, I never met my parents, and during my life, my grandparents never told me about their daughter, they just told me that she had abandoned me when I was Little, and as for my father, they didn't know who she was, so I never really cared about that.

I've been living here for about six weeks,I study in a small americam school, near here. I'm loving living here I never thought, that a dream I had since I was little would come true so soon, I decided to live here, because I love Mexican culture and not to mention that living by the beach never tires anyone, and I still have the privilege of seeing the sunset disappear into the waves...

Since I was a child I was very shy and I don't know how to express myself to others anht this is the reason why I've not be able to make friends in this new school yet, I feel ashamed when they look at me or try to talk to me, it's complicated, however, I've always managed to make some friends in LA, people I talk to almost every single day.

it's already 7 am i think i should be preparing for school but i think laziness has won ahaha, I got up and tried to take as little time as possible, I don't want to be late again or Ms. Lopez will kick me out of her class again.

I was new to that school and it wasn't the first time I was late, which I can say I love sleeping, but I have to work harder to make sure that doesn't happen, and I'm going to start right now haha.

I tried to take as little time as possible, of course that for me it's kind of impossible, because, I still had to take a shower before going, but I think at least I won't be late this time, I look at the clock and OMG is already 7:50 and the classes start at 8:00, ahhhhh how will I get to school in 10... Afff so much effort for nothing, well at least I can still get to the beginning of the first class.

On the way to school, I saw him again... I think his name is Daniel, he's from my class but I never talked to him before, and to be honest, I never had the courage to talk to him, well... not only with him, I think with everyone in general, so far I haven't made any friends, except the lady from the apartment next door, and we only talk on Sundays, because we have the same way when we go to church.

I think I've been looking at him too long... why do I say that? He's looking at me right now. I can't deny it he's beautiful... he's so mysterious, but from what I've seen of him, at school he's very fun, reserved, but fun.

I felt him staring at me, which made me completely ashamed, and my only option for not having to talk to him was to hit him and not, to look at him as I passed by, even with my back to him his gaze managed to make me feel a huge chill, but it's a good thing that I'm already arriving at school.

For real I didn't know what to tell him anyways.

When i arrived at school i came across Ms.Lopez on the way. And I think it was at this moment that I realized I was completely fucked up, I tried to go unnoticed, but without success.

And when I turned back I only saw her ferocious gaze directed at me.

"Miss l/n shouldn't be in class already. Preferably sitting at your desk waiting for me." - she looked at me with a deadly look on her face

"oh I finally find you y/n, thx for waiting for me, and here you have your Spanish book that you lent me." He looked at me and winked at me, so that I could continue with the theater.

"O-of course I do, Daniel, there's nothing to be thankful for" he stands next to me and takes my hand. And he gave me the book, I felt my heart go off a thousand an hour...When I lifted my face I saw his eyes glued on me, why did he protect me?

"Is that why you were late?" She looked at me and then at Daniel, I felt the anger in her eyes

"yes i decided to wait for daniel" i smiled at her, and i felt daniel put himself behind me

"Vamos, no te enojes con ella, maestra. Sólo fue esta vez (Come on, don't get mad at her, teacher. It was just this time .)" Daniel grabbed my shoulders and spoke, I saw Ms. Lopez calm her eyes and take a deep breath.

"Hum being so, i let you pass your delay this time you two have 5 minutes to introduce you in my class, and miss L/N thank the boy Daniel for helping her " his voice was calm now but his words were cold.

She continued on her way to the classroom, and I hear Daniel laughed

"You're welcome!" daniel said as my body moved, his voice was now hoarse, I sounded hypnotized by the voice of him.

"T-thank you for helping me." I tried to be short and quick in my answer. I was so nervous and idk why.

"let's go to class before Ms. Lopez decides to murder us, because we're late" daniel just went on her way but stopped 3 steps ahead of me.

"will have to pull you?" he laughs softly and throws a half smile, my heart, jumped a beat when i saw that smile.

"Y-yes" I just followed him.... When we arrived in the room each one sat in his seat, but for some reason, Daniel kept looking at me and it made me nervous for the rest of the time.

During the rest of the day, everything went as usual, except for the failed attempt by me to escape Daniel's gaze, I don't know what he was looking for in me, but I think I managed to make him lose interest for a while. I think.

When I finally rang the exit bell, I was the first to leave for the first time, I didn't want to know anything else, I just wanted to get home and enjoy being alone.

When I walked through the school gate, I took a deep breath and tried to rearrange my ideas, how can something as simple as talking to a person make me so nervous?

I'll speed up the walk and look at the sky and then at the sea at the end of the street to calm myself down. I didn't understand what was going on this day but I just asked it to end quickly. Yeah, to tell you the truth, I've never had a boy look at me for so long, am I getting a crush on him? AHHHHH well I hope not.

When I was almost at home, I felt a chill on my back and soon I could be able to realized what was happening....

"Are you trying to avoid me?" Not that voice, not again.

I turned slowly and there he was, did he follow me? When I looked at him I felt my face boiling with shame.

"Did the Cat eat your tongue?" he looked at me and laughed, and began to approach me.

I tried to ignore to not have to answer, I really suffered from many anxiety problems and did not know what to do in these situations.

"okay i got you, you don't want to talk to me don't worry" he looked at the floor and his cheerful expression went to sadness

"well see you tomorrow at school" when he was going to turn around and continue on his way i screamed

"WAIT"

He turned to me and smiled... OH God that smile was so sweet

"I thought you weren't gonna answer ahaha."

"I'm not ignoring you, or avoiding you...I'm just too shy to talk" I couldn't face his eyes so I just looked at the ground.

"Are you sure? I didn't want to get into it with Ms Lopez, but I knew if I didn't, she'd kick you out of her class" when I looked up I came across the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.

It made me blush, involuntarily, I didn't know what to say.

"thank you...and it's okay, I'd be kicked out if it wasn't for you too, so thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome, I've always seen you being very shy with everyone and you don't seem to be the kind of person who would be late on purpose, well, I won't take up your time. See you tomorrow"

he said with a perverse smile on his face

"Oh and if tomorrow you want company for the school I can wait here for you".

I didn't have time to say anything else I just agreed and entered the building.

When I got home I lay on the couch, looking at the ceiling, trying to see what had happened, I didn't notice it, but I felt my body tired and ended up falling asleep.

"Daniel... Something about him attracted me...'

I opened my eyes very slowly, I looked at the window and it was already dark, I picked up my phone and turned it on, I had 5 unanswered calls from my grandmother, this was strange she didn't call me so often

I dialed her number and called...

"y/n honey is you?"

"yes Grandma, what's going on? I'm sorry I was so tired that I fell asleep and didn't hear you call".

Without telling me anything else she felt like she was crying, but what happened to make my grandmother cry she hardly ever does, and when I say that she doesn't, it's because it's rare.

"Honey, I have something to tell you... Your mother is looking for you," those words left me unanswered, my mother?

No...

Couldn't be, my mother abandoned me 16 years ago, for me she died... I started crying, that person who abandoned me 16 years ago, now its looking for me why? I had so many questions in my mind, I couldn't talk to anybody, I just need some time.

"honey are there? Y/n?" My grandmother called me...

"I'm sorry Grandma, I need to think a little, I'll call you later."

"darling no-" i hung up on her, i don't like to do this but i need time to process

I got up, grabbed my jacket and went out towards the beachWhen I got there I sat down on the sand, and watched the sea, and the waves coming at me, I didn't want to believe that my mother was looking for me, if she hadn't wanted me in 16 years, she wouldn't want me now.... Now I did not even want her back

At that moment I felt that I was not alone there, I turned around and saw a group of people coming towards me.

I got up quickly and tried to get out of there, but it was too late.

Fear sometimes makes us irrational, and at this moment I did not know what to do, I did not know how to react, I was scared, I felt one of the men grabbing me by the arms, and attached me to his body

"hey you, don't move so much kittens, let's talk"

The second man spoke and stood in front of me, and grabbed my face forcing me to look at him.

"so you're the Diaz little princess aren't you?" I wasn't noticing anything, I just tried to get away but without success, I wonder what would happen to me...

I tried to fight and I tried to let go, but unfortunately I only did worse, he pressed himself behind my back and won't let me go.

"Let's teach that boy a lesson, that's what he and his brother will pay to judge us dumb."

One of them pulled a knife out of his waist and approached me...

"NO PLEASE DON'T"

I started screaming, and crying madly, I was now completely scared.

At that very moment, I felt the blade pierce my skin... I didn't know what to do, I just tried to struggle

But when I turned my head, there he was, out of nowhere, the people around me were thrown away, I felt my body fall into the sand...

" Y/N ? Oh please wake up... ahhh SEAN!!!!"

I recognized this voice, but I just let my eyes close, I felt my body fall asleep...

But to be honest I felt my body warm, from this moment on, it just got dark.

_______________________________________

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nomand-berserka · 4 years

Text

A little openly honest abridged intro in to me and dealing with my head and my black dog.

I am the newly appointed Team Leader for West Yorkshire with the guys at Veterans Hike. @veteranshike

Ive found a love for hiking over the past few months, since this crazy lockdown here in the UK.

I have struggled a lot over the years since leaving the Army, still dont feel like I fit into the bracket called Civvie. I know that may sound a little cliche. But it is exactly what it is.

I joined the forces straight from school. There was nothing for me where I lived, and with a long proud military history in my family, I felt it's what I'd always wanted and knew in my early to mid teens, that I'd join up.

I felt I did pretty well, considering pretty much everyone I knew, thought that I wouldnt even make it past selection. Well I pissed on their parade let me tell ya.

I'm not going to go into the ins and out of my career. But the tours I did, were SFOR (peacekeeping) Bosnia 98 and Op Agricola Kosovo 99.

Now with that, I've seen some pretty fkd up stuff at the ages of 18 and 19.. But you crack on and get the job the done. Get back home and continue as normal.

Now upon leaving the Army, I felt very lost. Ended up going from job to job, due to not being able to fit in with or liking the people I worked with. Often getting pushed out because of having a different mindset... This turned into a serious dislike for people in general. There was no bond, no brotherhood, everyone out for themselves and didnt care who they fkd over to get what they wanted.

This became the time I started with the heavy drinking and the stupid violence, infact the drink and the violence became the reason I lost my family and almost ended up 6 feet under.

The violence continued, as I just hated everyone... for lots of different reasons. This then led to me serving time on a couple of occasions. But it still continued after being locked up... I didnt see it as a problem, as I just thought "I wont take peoples shit", and I'll show anyone who tries to give me shit. That it will lead to getting hurt. Jump forward to being left for dead with 2 stab wounds... Yes it got that bad. Maybe I was asking for my way out?

Jump forward a year or so of living a dark time.

Its then i got into martial arts (Muay Thai under the tutilage of master Ronnie Green 5 time world champion), a friend of mine didnt want to see me locked up again. Or with more perforations than a "Tetley Tea bag". This became my drive again, I'd found something I could focus on and put myself, my whole self into again.

First session in, I was hooked. Had my first full contact fight at just over 6 months and had plenty thereafter, still have the copy of my official invite to the 2013 world championships. This was my crowing glory moment... This is where I'd found the focus to not be that drunked violent ass hat. My fitness went through the roof and I felt good again for the first time in years

Injury got me though, put me right back to not being able to train. Even ended my career, I tried to train again, but way too soon. Causing myself more problems. Taking even longer to get back to 100%

My anger started to creep back, the bad food the drinking... and yes the violence. then jump again forward to going back to prison for a very violent episode in 2015. Where 2 people got badly hurt. I pleaded guilty. I tried to reach out for help before the day in court. But it was too little too late...

However, in prison this time in 2016 I asked for help. Where can i get it, and who can help me the most.. There was a small eager group called Care after Combat, they concentrate on helping Veterans, who are sent to prison. During and after release. (I'll go into them at a later date).

I've kept my nose clean since then, was officially Dignosed with PTSD in 2017, so done a few local therapy courses Anger Management, CBT but still no actual PTSD help as of yet. Combat Stress, I think may have forgotten about me hahaha.

But the thought of prison!!!! id rather not go back ever again. Plus I'm getting on now, and not a 25 year old dick head. Eith a chip on his shoulder about civvies anymore.

Jump forward again, to present Covid 19 times.

I'm a joiner now put myself through College 12 years ago. The outdoors have always agreed with me. But after a work accident last year in August I had 14 weeks sat at home gaining weight. Bordem drinking and eating shit and the head started to go again. But thankfully got back to work early December.

In March 2020 and we get Furloughed. For however long it may take.

So I gave myself THE talking to. Stay off the booze (well not completely hehe). Keep yourself busy. Find a focus in something, anything. Just dont he that dickhead again.

So here I am, I spend at least 3 days a week walking the Pennines and the moors between my beloved Yorkshire and the dark soggy lands of Lancahire. Its literally 20 minutes from my door to where I park the motor. My head still goes south, but more into the low mood and hating myself for allowing what I'd done in the past. I've had depression for years, but it was always over shadowed by my stupidity. So when it does that, i hit my local park and do 10 laps (8 miles) of that. Or just get my pack ready and hit the trails. Often doing around 15-20 miles.

Now I've started with a small Daystack and have started adding weight, carring 15kg. plus 3 litre camelback, food stuff and inclement weather gear. Its north of England the weather does what it wants. "If tha dunt lyk weather, jus bloody wait 20 minutes It'l change". hahaha.

Doing this has given me more drive in my fitness and massively boosted my mental state. Plus the escape from the rat race bollox that we all have to live through. More and more people have started to notice my weight loss. Down from 20 stone to just over 17 stone. Now I'm as round as I am tall, but for a fat lad I've been told I'm pretty fit... Guess all those years in the Army, years of Muay Thai and Kempo Jiu Jitsu. It must have left some form of conditioning and muscle memory. So this again boosts me. I'm now picking up the weights at home and even got a bike... so this new found fitness is a fantastic feeling again... it's not just about keeping busy anymore, it's about showing people. Who I'd alienated during all these years, that I'm not the same guy, and they are wanting to come on hikes with me now

(Its also pushed me to train for the 3 peaks... but that's another story for another time)

It's also the biggest Therapy I can give myself, sometimes I go it alone and sometimes I have company. The outdoors is literally where I feel at my easiest and most peaceful... The benefits are there for everyone who knows me, to see. Its physically demanding, but it's so peaceful. If I bump into other people, there is always a nod a smile and a "morning/afternoon" exchanged. Not all people are nob heads haha!

I cant stress enough how good it feels to keep occupied physically and mentally, buy doing something I never thought I'd do...

It's become my passion... I'm looking into longer routes all the time, and now looking at some proper outdoors gear. Better rucksack even a tent. If being up the hills for a few hours or just a day, makes me feel things are better. Then surely a couple of days and nights will be even better...Right?

I want to thank anyone who takes the time to reads this, however you see it. Be it on insta, Tumbler or FB. So cheers guys and gals.

We all have hardships, we all need that help at some point. Go out and find what makes it all better, please guys. We all deserve to smile for what ever reason.

Who knows, we may even cross trails someday. You'll always get a smile and a nod from me.

Steve

The Nomad Beserka

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