#i'm uhhh gonna see myself out now

[imaginespazzi]

Forget jealous Paige, how do we think poor KK's dealing with the fact that her father and sister were literally vibing to her song WITHOUT her 😭

Alright unserious unedited chaotic family drabble because I feel like procrastinating. Like I'm not even joking this is the most random thing I've ever written so read at your own discretion:

It's way too early in the morning when Paige's phone rings, making both her and Ice groan.

"KK what the fuck," Paige asks groggily, wiping at bleary eyes as a furious KK's face fills her phone screen.

"You said you didn't have a favorite child. LIAR," KK yells.

"Oh my god KK," Ice whines from across the room, "please shut the fuck up. My head is pounding."

"GOOD! TO MY SONG?" KK pays no attention, still as loud as ever, "HOW COULD YOU? BOTH OF YOU FUCKING TRAITORS."

"Bro you knew we were going," Paige sighs, sitting up properly.

"That's not the point. You know what give me one second. AZZI. AZZI. AZZI," and then KK's off running, blurry on Paige's screen as she yells for Azzi.

"Oh my god what? What?" Azzi's concerned voice comes through the phone, a smile replacing her frown when KK thrusts the phone in her face, "oh, hi P!"

Before a now grinning Paige can reply, KK cuts her off, "no! Don't hi P her. Did you see Ice's live? They been having the time of our lives without us. THEY WERE VIBING TO MY SONG. MY SONG AZZI!"

"Uh they're quite literally there to get drunk and party, we knew this," Azzi says, trying to hide a smile.

"Again not the point," KK sighs exasperatedly.

"What is the point KK," Paige asks with a tired yawn, "get to it then."

"The point is that you two are getting divorced and I'm finding myself a new stepfather. I will not be tolerating this disrespect," KK says firmly.

"Excuse me," Paige says shrilly, "I do not agree to a divorce."

"You don't have to. Mothers do what's best for their children and Azzi's gonna do what's best for me. Right Azzi?" KK glares at Azzi who sighs exasperatedly.

"You're both aware that you're not actually my husband and child right?"

"Excuse you," Paige screeches at the same time as KK gasps dramatically and Azzi has to mentally prevent herself from sighing again.

"Okay alright, divorce yes okay," Azzi gives in, KK squeals and this time Paige is glaring.

"Wow. It's that easy huh? Guess all of those years meant nothing to you."

Azzi shakes her head, trying to hide her smile at Paige's mock offense.

"And now to find a stepfather," KK says triumphantly and then her eyes light up with a glint as a blonde walks in, "KATE!"

Kate looks like a deer caught in the headlight as she walks cautiously towards an over-excited KK and a slightly mortified Azzi, "uhhh hi?"

"I have a very important question for you Kate," KK says with all the seriousness of the world, "are you married?"

"Uh....no?" Kate answers, confused at that line of questioning, as Azzi hides her face in her palms.

"KK what the fuck are you doing?" Paige yells at her phone, suddenly very unamused by this whole thing.

"Ssssh P-boogers, I'm about to perform a wedding."

"Umm what?" poor Kate asks, looking at Azzi for help, not used to the insanity that is the UConn women's team. To be honest, she's not fully sure if all of this is a joke.

"You and Azzi are getting married and then you're going to adopt me," KK says firmly.

"I swear we're normal people....most of the time," Azzi tries to reassure Kate.

"Dearly beloved, or unbeloved since it's Paige and Ice, I guess, we are here today to marry these two women," KK begins and then looks at Azzi and Kate who are standing a feet apart, "uh hello? You have to hold hands."

Paige splutters, "Martin I don't know you that well but if you hold her hand I swear to God."

"Oh calm down ex-father," KK fires back, "let me get my new parents married in peace. Now since there are no objections-"

"I OBJECT," Paige yells, turning to a sleeping Ice who's trying to block out the noise using a pillow, "ICE your mother is getting married to someone else, get the fuck up and come here and object with me."

"Your objections don't count because you're liars and traitors. MY SONG. MY FUCKING SONG."

"Bro you're all I was thinking about I swear," Paige pleads, "after every Bow, I was like oh my god KK would have loved this. I missed you every second I'm sorry."

"Sorry is not good enough," KK says petulantly.

"I got you a signed autograph. It was gonna be a surprise but you need to know. I swear KK, I would have had so much more fun if it was with you bro. It just wasn't the same."

"Oh that makes me feel great. Thanks Paige." Ice mumbles from under the sheets.

"ONE MAD CHILD AT A TIME THANK YOU," Paige says exasperatedly.

KK contemplates Paige's words for a moment before turning to Kate.

"I'm sorry Kate. It looks like this wedding can't go on. It's not you. It's us. Hope you understand," she says with a solemn expression, "but I already have a father and she's great. A little stupid sometimes but great."

Kate nods dumbstruck, unsure what had just happened in the last couple of minutes but she's pretty sure she's just been dismissed.

"FATHER," KK yells turns her face back to her phone, "I missed you. Let's never fight again. That was the worst 10 minutes of my life."

"SON SON," Paige shouts with glee, "let's never do that again."

Azzi pinches the bridge of her nose, wondering how she'd let this become her life.

"If the two of you are done, can I go back to rehab now?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

Paige narrows her eyes at Azzi through the phone, "were you about to get married to someone else?"

Oh boy here we go again

#paige bueckers #azzi fudd #kk arnold #ice brady #kate martin #this is literally the most unserious thing ever like idek what was going through my brain #inspired by all the unseriousness from the weekend i gues #wcbb

[l3viat8an]

Ok but can we agree out feral Vampire Beel would be? Just fucking F E R A L-

He’s so hungry all the time, and seeing your perfect neck, but he holds back. Until you accidentally cut yourself/bleed and now he can smell you, and he learns you’re his favorite blood type-

Que later on he’s just absolutely railing you, going between sweet deep tender kisses, biting you wherever he can, and down between your legs.

-🥀

Nsfw content MDNI

🥀!!!! Idk what possessed me- we’re not gonna talk about how fast I wrote this jsjsjsj CW: uhhh I wish I knew- Fem!Reader (no pronouns but a pussy), biting- lots-ish Beel cums on readers tummy cuz yea- ‘n Beel says sorry a lot…. I might’ve missed something cuz it’s 2am just lemme know!!

Exactly how you cut yourself is upto you cuz idk what you’d be doing-

As you move to clean your cut you turn around and see Beel, practically bumping into him…..but he seems a little different. His eyes are darker, and his fangs more prominent, you can feel your heartbeat quicken as he leans in closer to you.

"You smell different." He whispers, his nose now nuzzled into the crook of your neck, "Your blood...it smells sweeter…." He trails off eyes still locked onto your neck.

You try to step back, but his arms move too quickly, now he’s holding you in place, gripping your hips tightly.

"What does that mean?" You ask, trying to keep your voice steady.

"It means..." He trails off, eyes closing as he takes a deep breath in, "I…I need a bite, just one." It’s never just one with Beel-

Before you can even process what he's said, his fangs are on your neck, and you feel a jolt of pain before waves of pleasure take over. Beel's grip on your hips turns into his arms hugging you closer as he drinks from you, the sensations overwhelming your senses.

When he finally pulls away, you're left panting and dizzy, his eyes looking down at you with a mix of hunger and concern.

"Are you okay?" He whispers, and you nod, still too out of it to speak.

"I'm sorry..." He starts, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, "I couldn't resist. You smell too good and I was right, you taste so sweet.”

You can feel yourself blushing as you nod again.

"I really am sorry…..” Beel murmurs again, leaning in to give you a tentative kiss on the mouth short and sweet.

As he moves in for another soft kiss his hand starts to roam your body, and as he runs his hands over your curves, he discovers that he just can't resist touching you anymore. He wants to feel you in every way possible, to taste you and claim you as his.

He picks you up, ignoring your squeal and carries you to your bedroom, where he lays you down on the bed, his eyes filled with that strange hunger again.

And then he’s kisses you again, biting your lip softly and taking it between his teeth, licking the drop of blood away, before trailing kisses down your neck and chest.

He tugs your top off to keep kissing his way lower and his mouth finds your breasts, he takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting softly, before he moves down your body, next to be pulled off are your bottoms and underwear tossed carelessly away as Beel spreads your legs, his eyes locked onto yours as he sinks his mouth between them, tasting you for the first time. You moan his name loudly, the sensations building inside of you.

He's so gentle at first, his tongue teasing and exploring, but as your moans get louder, he becomes more aggressive, his teeth biting down on your thighs for another taste of your sweet blood before he’s right back to your pussy.

The pleasure is overwhelming, and as Beel moves back up to kiss you, and you can taste yourself on his tongue.

"I'm sorry..." He murmurs again, his voice hoarse with desire, "I can't help myself around you. You're just too tempting."

He kisses you deeply, his hands running all over your body as he positions himself over you. He moves slowly, savoring every moment with you, his lips kissing every inch of your body.

You can feel the hunger in him as he thrusts into you, and as he starts to go faster and faster, your mind goes blank with pleasure. The only thing you can do is kiss him or moan his name.

He's rough and after savoring all of you it doesn’t take long for Beel’s only pleasure to catch up with him.

He pulls out and quickly jerks himself off, finishing all over your stomach while he groans your name.

“I’m sorry…I’ll clean you up. Just rest.” with one last kiss he walks off to get a towel.

When he comes back you’re sitting up a little waiting for him and he can’t meet your eyes sure he was too rough, “Beel, you don’t have to apologize so much. I liked it! hell I loved it!” You blush and your voice trails off but the way Beel looks at you is so soft….all he does is nod and move to start cleaning you up it’s a minute or two before he speaks “Then can we do it again sometime?” you laugh and it’s his turn to blush~

#obey me! #obey me #om! #obmswd #obey me smut #obey me beel x reader #obey me beel x you #obey me beel x chubby reader #obey me beel #obey me beel smut #obey me beelzebub #om! beel #om! beelzebub #om! smut #om! x reader #roro writes #obey me vampire!au #obmswd smut #obmswd beel x chubby reader #obmswd beel x reader #obmswd beel #obmswd x reader #obmswd x chubby reader #🥀 anon!

[somerandomdudelmao]

i was writing this all out in the tags of one of your recent updates (part 9 of 'donatello') when i realized i might as well just send it to you directly before i hit tag limit. (i hope you don't mind haha) this recent comic really reminded me of a concept that i've seen in your work that i haven't seen commented on a lot (though i could be wrong.)

casey jr and donatello's relationship as you've portrayed it is interesting in a number of ways. one i've been thinking about recently is the aspect of physical touch, and how you use that to represent the underlying themes/ideas behind their dynamic (and the story as a whole).

in the series, donnie is generally the least physical of his brothers, in that he prefers to be the one to initiate contact. (as a fellow autistic, i relate to this on a visceral level /lighthearted.) however, in your portrayal, this rule bends for casey's sake.

you've been setting up casey to follow in donatello's metaphorical footsteps for a while now, with this coming to fruition (to an extent) in recent storylines.

but going back a bit further. there's this major theme of... i guess i would call it 'responsibility?' that has been weaved through the story from... basically, day one.

in the first comic, his conversation with f!leo following leo's brief foray as a nugget (one of my favorite lines from this series overall is "...and leo-nugget." amazing, genuinely), casey admits to him that it was scary being responsible for someone that could get hurt so easily.

in one of the following chapters, we see the question asked: 'but who is there to save you?' (this chapter being a bit of a microcosm of the theme/story as a whole haha.)

though it was a chapter i had originally assumed was just for funsies and angst opportunities, i now realize i was wrong (though, i don't know exactly how intentional you were being with all of this, so i could be missing the mark here.) it actually sets up his arc rather nicely -- with casey being the one to save donatello when he was injured/knocked unconcious.

now, bringing this all back around to the original intent of this ask: how physical touch is used to represent their narrative dynamic (is that a thing? 'narrative dynamic'? am i just making shit up right now? whatever its fine /rehtorical)

taking everything in account, i want to return to a specific moment that really struck me in the comics leading up to donatello's death. it's the time where the resistance is being attacked, and donnie, despite being sick, goes out and uhhh... extirpates the problem (its always fun to see donnie go apeshit with dangerous weaponry /positive.)

during his dramatic reveal and attack, casey is by his side, clutching onto him not to cling, but to physically support him (at least, that's how i think that moment was supposed to be interpreted? i could be totally wrong here.)

i can't help but feel this is emblematic of the larger themes at play here-- i.e., casey's arc in relation to donatello.

i can't help but find it interesting how donatello, backbone of the resistance--

(despite his soft shell... which is why him no longer wearing his battle shell when he got sick was actually symbolic foreshadowing of-- *sound of gunshots*)

[editors note: i'm gonna stop myself right there, before this goes from ungodly long to "will break your dash and ask box if allowed to continue further"]

-- and certified plot mechanic (oh, so that's why he named it convenient plot-twist serum... finally, the mystery has been solved /joking /lighthearted), who is a very independent/self-sufficient character, allows casey jr to subvert his rules with casual touch. enough so, that when he is so weak that he can barely stand, he trusts casey jr to keep him upright.

out of everyone, he trusts casey.

casey jr, who, at the very beginning of the comic, saved donatello's life, physically carrying him back to the base. and casey jr, the one who, now, has rescued donatello from a fate worse than death, only to once again bring him back to safety.

(...can you tell i'm a little bit obsessed with your comic? lmao)

[also to note those most recent panels: a return to the "norm," with casey clinging to donatello's side, also providing a nice parallel. i know it's because he is very much reunited with his uncle who has been dead for two years, but c'mon. let me have this /joking.)]

anyway, i hope this made sense, and if you did manage to get through my pretentious (and probably somewhat far-fetched) rambles about the "symbolic narrative significance of touch" in a fanwork about the teenage mutant ninja turtles (/lighthearted), may i just say: i am in love with your work, and can only aspire to tell a story as engaging, heartfelt, and clever as the one you have woven.

you are a blessing to this fandom, and i am so excited to see where you go with this story.

I have to say that I didn't specifically do the mental planning for all of this. Most of this theme is simply because I do what I feel will be right. It's more of an intuitive desire than a prescribed plan, so it was pretty surprising to me to see this thought actually being formulated haha

Thank you:>

[fictionalmenmakemecry]

Carmy Losin' Cool

Characters: Carmy Berzatto x reader

Summary: Things getting heated in the kitchen making Carmy emotions runs high. This leads to him acting out of character and making you beg for mercy.

Warnings: Fluff, Cursing

Author's note: Thinking of doing more The Bear fan fiction. Please let me know if you would like me to continue on this!

"Carmy, I need you to calm down" I grabbed his arm wanting him to draw his attention to me instead of the chaos around him.

"Fuck! This can't be happening..." His eyes were darting everywhere.

He pulled his hands up to his hair, tugging it, completely overwhelmed.

Hearing the printer continuously burning through paper as more tickets appeared.

"I-I'm so sorry" Sydney muttered coming to the realization of what was happening.

"I told you. I told you over and over. OVER AND OVER!" He raised his voice pointing aggressively at the takeout tablet.

" I checked it! It said that- " Sydney quivered.

I looked over and caught her line of sight. She had the look of fear in her eyes. She never saw Carmy like this. This heated. This angry.

"Get the FUCK out of the kitchen!" Carmy yelled picking up the fallen tickets that were now overflowing the shelf.

She didn't budget. Frozen.

"Syd, come on" I tried to usher her, getting in between her and Carmy.

"NOW!" He shouted feeling his breath on the back of my neck his arm extended to the door.

I pulled her by the arm leading her out of the kitchen. She followed like a zombie, completely hazed. I grabbed her bag from her locker and brought her to the front door.

I could hear Carmy giving aggressive orders in the back, still hearing the rage in his voice.

"I fucked up" She had finally caught up to what had happened.

I just nodded, wanting her to go home and let the everyone calm down.

"What's going to happen?" She looked at me, half way out the door.

I paused for a moment holding the door open but not looking away.

"Just stay away for the next two days. I'll talk to him" I said wanting this day to be over.

She nodded gently before giving me a fake soft smile but still seeing the sadness in her eyes.

I watched as she left and locked the door. I took a deep breath for a moment knowing I was going to have to stay calm in the whirlwind of emotions in the back.

I made my way back and continued to hear the dominant voice of Carmy still dictating away.

I walked in slowly and watched everyone work frantically, The only noises were Carmy, the banging of pans and the occasional 'Yes Chef'.

I turned around and went into the office. I was going to busy myself with overdue bills until this nightmare burnt out.

_________

"Hey" A soft voice spoke out.

I popped my head up from the mess of paper piles that were on my lap.

I saw Carmy leaning against the doorframe. His usual white t-shirt covered in fresh stains.

I didn't say anything. I was trying to read his mood before opening my mouth.

"I'm sorry about that in there." He gestured behind him.

I pressed my lips together but didn't say a word.

"Uhhh.. I know I'm a shit head for shouting at Syd the way I did." His head dropped.

He brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his eye, I could feel the exhaustion just by looking at him.

"You're going to have to apologize. We really need her." I murmured playing with the corner of the fold pages on my lap.

"Yea, I know. I fucked up" He whispered.

The kitchen doorway opened behind him and I saw a black curly hair behind Carmy.

"Goodnight Tina" I smiled

"Goodnight Boss" I heard back.

Carmy faced her and I could see half of her through the the doorway.

"All done?" He asked

She nodded giving a half smile.

"Everyone else gone home?"

"Yeah, you should both too. It's getting late" She pointed at the clock on the desk beside me.

1:30am. I swore it was 8:00pm a couple of hours ago.

She gave one more smile and gave Carmy a reassuring arm rub before leaving us.

I could feel the heaviness in my eyelids now that my body was aware of the time.

"I'm gonna head out" He looked back over at me.

I nodded pulling myself off the ground and bundling all the papers off the floor.

"Okay, well I'm going to check that everything is off and I'll be out in a min" I smiled.

We looked at each other for a moment. The heaviness I felt in my stomach when I realized how we got to this moment. The death of his brother, the immediate burden of this place on his shoulders and letting go of his old life.

I walked over closer to him and leaned into him. I wanted to give him a hug. I felt his arms wrap around me. The smell on onions off of him was stronger than usual. His skin burning hot. I could even feel it under his t-shirt. I was about to let go and felt him still holding the hug so I continue to hold him until I felt him lean back.

"Thank you" He whispered looking at me with his constant melancholy eyes.

He left the doorway and made his way to his locker.

I went back into the kitchen. The usual darkness except for the emergency exit lights. Giving the room a green hue. I ran my eyes over to check nothing was left out and everything was off.

I turned around and bumped into a body.

I let out a little yelp completely startled.

I looked up and saw Carmy looking down at me. Very close.

"Is everything okay?" I asked worryingly.

He nodded softly but never leaving my eyes.

My mind froze. I looked down at his lips. I felt him leaning into me. I couldn't stop myself if I tried. I brought my hands up to his chest. I wanted to taste him. I wanted to feel his lips against mine. His tongue against mine.

Our lips met. His were soft and warm. Our lips moved making the kiss deeper and deeper until I could taste him. Feel his mouth. His tongue gently caress mine. I relaxed into him, releasing a small moan in the back of my throat.

I felt him pull me in closer after that. He was hungry for me. That delicateness was fading away. I brought my hand down to his crotch to feel his hard bulge underneath. I heard his immediate appraisal from deep in his throat.

He pulled away, us both taking deep breaths.

He grabbed my hips and placed me on the steel surface urgently.

He looked at me his hands on my thighs but making their way further up. He paused for a moment.

I mouthed "Please". The heat coming from between my thighs was unbearable. Him looking at me that way made it worse.

A small smile appeared on his face, which made me more wet.

He hovered his hands over my clothed pussy before reaching up to unbutton my jeans. His nimble fingers popped them in a second. I glanced down at him to see him still looking at me.

He started slowly pulling down my pants, I raised my hips wanting to move this faster. He seemed to enjoy me begging at his mercy,

"Fuck" He leaned in his lips barely touching mine.

"I need this" He continued with his blue eyes taken over by lust.

The crack of a door was distant, pulling us out of our trance of neediness. We stayed still for a moment waiting for other sounds.

"Carmy, Y/n? You still here? I always forget my fucking phone." Tina voice travelled as she walked further into the restaurant.

We both snapped into gear. He pulled me fast off the counter and grabbed my hand. We raced to the walk in fridge. He closed the door gently behind us. We both stayed still try to listen for anything. But it was so insulated there, it was no use.

I looked down to see my jeans still unbuttoned. I looked up and redid them to see Carmy smiling with his hand in his hair.

"Close one" He whispered smiling back at me.

Masterlist for other fics

Let me know what you think!

#The bear #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #carmy x reader #carmy the bear #fluff #smut #fanfic #fanfiction #love #the bear hulu #jeremy allen white #chicago #hulu

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Ace Trappola - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National  Museum of Art]

Ace: Huuuh, so this museum's been open for 100 years, huh. It's got some pretty cool exhibits.

Ace: Tryin' to appreciate art just seems boring, and I totally thought bein' a supporter was not my bag, but I might be able to enjoy myself here after all.

Ace: ―Ooh, found me the painting of some card soldiers! Look at 'em, all cool the way they're standing at attention like that.

???: Mhm, their perfectly aligned call to attention is quite the spectacle.

Ace: Ah, hey, Lilia-senpai. You must have great taste to see the true quality of this painting here! Haha.

Ace: If the rank and file are in disarray, then it doesn't look good at all. They gotta be in perfect formation, especially when marching.

Lilia: That's correct. So, you understand what it means to march as they do… Not bad, kid.

Ace: Not that much. I mean, back in my dorm, we just have certain days that all the students are required to march in formation.

Lilia: Kufufu, I heard that practice for that begins as soon as you enter. I've heard many a classmate complaining about it here and there.

Ace: Yeaaaaah, I can see why they'd want to complain. It's not just the Housewarden; even our usually nice upperclassmen come down on us hard during the training.

Ace: The first time I had to march after joining the dorm was the worst. We definitely looked nothing like the card soldiers in this art piece.

Ace: When we looked at the video that Cater-senpai took for us, we could see that the first years' walking was ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Ace: Every one of 'em couldn't get their arms and legs up and moving properly, and they were all looking down. It was sooo lame. I couldn't even laugh at how bad it was.

Ace: By the by, I got praised pretty much right out the gate ♪ They all said that my spirit fully embodied the heart suit card soldiers.

Ace: It's easy for me to just copy what I see the upperclassmen are doing, or what the video's showing. I don't get why all the rest of them were havin' a bad time.

Lilia: OHO～～～?

Ace: Eh? What's with that grin? You're kinda giving me the creeps all of a sudden.

Lilia: How rude of you to call someone as cute as me creepy! But aren't you actually quite the diligent one.

Ace: DILIGENT!? I don't think that word suits me at all!?

Lilia: Not only did you follow the examples set by your upperclassmen, you also watched went further and watched the videos and practiced on your own… I'm seeing you in a whole new light, Ace.

Ace: Ahh, c'mon. Stop patting my head like that. It's not like I was trying to study for it or anything.

Ace: It woulda been a pain and pretty lame if I had to stay behind to practice. That's why I just wanted to get it done ASAP. That's all!

Lilia: It's nothing worth getting all worked up to deny.

Lilia: I think it's rather commendable that you put in the extra effort in order to seek what you think is "cool."

Ace: I'm not getting worked up…! Wait, I got a feeling that if I keep responding, he'll just keep stringing me along to tease me.

Ace: Uh, I'm gonna go to check out the cool-lookin' painting over there!

Lilia: Hey now, don't leave me behind. Kufufu, this must be that adolescence I've heard much about.

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Lilia: Let me see, what cool painting were you talking about… Oho, it's of the King of Beasts. He looks oh so dignified, I can't help but find it charming.

Ace: Aaand he followed me… But yeah, I definitely agree that's he's pretty dignified.

Lilia: There are many legends swirling around the King of Beasts. Just from looking at this painting, I can't think of which scene they're trying to depict here.

Ace: Uhhh, based on this info they got plastered next to it…

Ace: Looks like… Oh, it's where he was talking about his vision for the country's future with his hyena retainers.

Ace: I actually really like the story of how the King of Beasts would always trust in his hyenas.

Ace: Oh yeah, and that one where he performed songs for his people!

Lilia: Mhm, that's a good one. He is a sophisticated king indeed to utilize singing to vow to improve his country.

Ace: Riiiiight～? Totally get why the hyenas were so excited that they were singing and dancing all through the night.

Ace: The King of Beasts looks pretty unapproachable from just a glance, but he must have had a ton of charisma.

Lilia: Well, he did have the power to move his people's hearts through song. If he had his due, perhaps he would have been able to sway the whole world with his song.

Ace: Totally. If I had lived during the same era, I would have loved to go and karaoke with him.

Lilia: Speaking of karaoke… I heard you and Sebek went for that.

Ace: Ah, did you hear that from Sebek? We went with Deuce and the two from Ramshackle…

Ace: Jack and Epel also tagged along. But maan, it was pretty insane.

Ace: So many of them were new to it, so I had to teach them everything, from how to choose a new song, to ordering food. You'd think they'd have common sense to figure out, but c'mon.

Ace: We literally couldn't sing a single song for the first 30 min or so, I was like, what did we even come here for!?

Lilia: Kufufu, now, now, you can't say that. I'm sure there's things you're not familiar with, too.

Ace: But c'mon～ …Well, I guess it was kinda fun to have a small competition using the karaoke's scoring system.

Lilia: So, you had a karaoke competition! I would love to tag along next time. So, who won?

Ace: Well, that's obvious… IT WAS YA BOY ACE-KUN HERE!

Ace: When I hit 100 points, everyone was lookin' up at me like idiots, all like, "you gotta be kidding!"

Ace: As a bit of a handicap, I chose of the recent viral songs and did the dance that went along with it, too～

Lilia: Oho, that's amazing that you can sing while moving your body without missing a beat.

Ace: I mean, unlike those guys, back in middle school I would go karaoke a lot.

Ace: And all those guys kept shouting that they'd practice singing so they could sing next time, but y'know…

Ace: There's actually a trick to getting the high score on that machine's scoring function. It's not enough to just be a good singer.

Ace: At this rate, I think I'll be taking home the win next time too ♪

Lilia: Kufufu, looks like even the ones who don't get to spend that much time together with you all had some fun, eh?

Ace: Well, I guess it wasn't too bad.

Ace: They'd choose stuff like old songs that were popular during my parent's heyday, or minor folk songs…

Ace: It was kinda neat that I heard a ton of songs that I normally wouldn't listen to. It was completely different to how it'd be if I was with my friends back home.

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Ace: This painting is of those eels that served the Sea Witch…

Lilia: Mhm. It's said that whenever they found merfolk in distress, they would encourage them to seek the guidance of the benevolent Sea Witch.

Ace: Huuh, they look kinda scary, but… Guess you can't judge a book by its cover.

Lilia: Speaking of… Ace, I heard you went a little viral on Magicam the other day.

Ace: Geh! So, you saw that post too…

Lilia: Kufufu, I took it all in.

Lilia: "This scary-looking young man in a flashy shirt was kind to a kid in this burger shop," it said.

Lilia: You did a good thing, Mister "Scary-Looking Young Man in a Flashy Shirt."

Ace: C'mon, can you not tease me!?

Ace: The comments section was going wild with stuff like, "I love that personality gap～" and "The scarier the person looks, the softer their heart is."

Ace: I definitely don't like people just deciding that I'm scary just from how I look, or just assuming that I'm nice.

Ace: More like, I think it was 'cause I was with all my basketball teammates that I ended up looking scary too.

Ace: And 'sides, that patterned shirt I was wearing wasn't even something I'd pick out on my own.

Ace: Floyd-senpai made me buy it sometime back, so I thought it'd be bad if I didn't wear it, that's all…

Lilia: Hm, guess it was a mistake of them to comment on your appearance, then. But it was true that you were nice to the kid, right?

Ace: Nope. I just was throwing something I didn't want at 'em!

Lilia: You gave them something you didn't want…? So how does that turn into being "kind" to the kind?

Ace: So, when my clubmates and me went to the burger shop down in town, we got a free card with our orders.

Ace: Something about how they were doing a collaboration campaign with a movie that was recently released.

Ace: I at least knew what the movie was, so I opened it up, but just as I was thinking to myself that I didn't really need a card, or anything…

Ace: This kid who was nearby just randomly started crying. Apparently they wanted a hero card, not a villain card.

Ace: That's why I just gave him the card I had. It just happened to be the one he wanted.

Ace: I was able to get rid of something I didn't want, and I didn't have to listen to the sound of crying in the background. Win-win, right?

Lilia: Well, when you explain it like that, it definitely no longer feels like a heartwarming story.

Ace: Riiight? But then all the folks on Magicam had to go and try to treat me like a nice guy. Everyone's been teasing me about that too…

Ace: In the end, even the Headmage got wind of the video and just wouldn't stop praising me, saying "This is a fantastic thing you've done!"

Ace: Maan, preconception can be a crazy thing. I bet if I was wearing my school uniform, it definitely wouldn't have taken off.

Ace: They say that it's not all about appearance, but I guess that first impression you get is still important.

Lilia: Kufufu, I bet if the parents of that child were to hear your true feelings about it, they'd be shocked.

Lilia: Well then, I think I'll go on to check out the other exhibits. Bye then, Ace.

Ace: Whew, Lilia-senpai just couldn't stop teasing, huh. Wellll, what should I go and look at next…? Hm?

Ace: Woah, it's a painting of a walrus and the oysters. Lookin' at it here, the walrus really looks like a proper gentleman.

Ace: I bet those oysters were also tricked by how the walrus looked. Can't help but feel sorry for them… Heh.

Requested by Anonymous.

#twisted wonderland #twst #ace trappola #lilia vanrouge #twst ace #twst lilia #twst translation #twst birthday #mention: riddle #mention: cater #mention: deuce #mention: jack #mention: floyd #mention: epel #mention: sebek #mention: grim #mention: yuu #mention: crowley

[the-fiction-witch]

... I've killed an angel

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader + Jack X Belle (Dodgerfox)

Rating Sweet + SAD!

I stood at my small stall in the Port Victory Street doing some business with the people in town. The sweet sun beat down harshly, as usual, enjoying the pleasant day. 

"Morning  Y/n," I heard,

I glanced up and saw Doctor Jack Dawkins as he headed over to the stall, in his dusty brown shoes, faded brown trousers, washed out and tattered white shirt with strained cuffs on his sleeves poking out his jacket sleeves, his blue textured waistcoat, his straggly green tie tucked into it, his purple patterned jacket and his black velvet hat on his head. He smiled and gave me a wave as he made his way over. 

I blushed hard and adjusted myself, fixing my green cotton dress brushing off some dust and dirt from the day, and pulling my braid of  Y/H/C hair over my shoulder a little. 

"G-Good Morning, Jack," I greeted with a warm smile, 

"You alright?" he asked warmly,

"I'm alright, everything okay with you?"

"Same as usual, You coming to the cat and the bagpipes tonight? I need my back up especially with Darius still sniffing around." 

"I don't know I have a lot of work to do,"

"Aww work's more fun than cards with me is it? Come on  Y/n I need you, Angel," He said as he came close and fixed some of my  Y/H/C hair from my face, "Please," He pouted giving his pouty puppy eyes, 

"Course, how did seven sound?"

"Perfect, I'll see you later then." He said starting on his way but he turned back, "Actually."

"Yes, Jack?" I asked excitedly, 

"I think you know what I'm gonna ask," he smiled wickedly, 

"what do you need?" I jokingly rolled my eyes, 

"You think you could get your hands on some beeswax?"

"Why?" 

"Hey! That happened to the no judgment part of our deal?"

"Alright, I'll see what I can do, when do you need it by?" 

"Whenever you have time  Y/n," he cooed and headed off on his business. 

I blushed and got on with my work making a note of what he wanted. 

I smiled as I headed to the cat and the bagpipes to play cards with Jack, Darius and whoever else was there tonight, I saw Jack waiting outside so I headed over with a smile. 

"Evening Jack,"

"Evening, you seem chipper tonight?"

"I like playing cards with you," I smiled, "Ohh here I found you some," I said handing over the beeswax candles I found for him out of my pocket, 

"Ahh, you are an angel,  Y/n," He smiled happily taking them and adding them to his pockets, kissing my forehead. 

"What do you need them for anyway?"

"Hey, you know our deal. I don't ask how you find stuff you don't ask why I need it." 

"Alright fine, come on let's get going." I encouraged going to head inside but I noticed he was looking, I thought for a moment that he was staring at me and I blushed hard feeling so giddy with joy to see him look at me with such sweet loving eyes, "Ohh, Jack... You're staring?" I giggled,

"Hum? Ohh uhh yeah I uhhh I guess sorry she uhh she's just -" He explained shaking himself out but immediately returning, 

"She?" I asked turning on my heels to see the busy street with various people heading away for the day I saw a sight. 

Across the street, a woman stood in a beautiful impressive red plaid dress, with sweet blonde curls and a lady-like hat and parasol, she walked on the arm of the governor as they went about some business. 

He was looking at her, not at me. 

And I felt my heart shattering to see him looking the way I had always wished for him to look at me, but he didn't look at me. I have been standing and waiting by his side for so long but now he looks at a girl he doesn't even know the name of that he sees briefly across the street. 

"shall we go then?"

"Yeah, Yeah I uhh I'll meet you in there okay," He said as he walked away heading down the street,

"Jack-" I began but he was already gone, 

I sighed and headed in sitting at the table and starting the card game without him, I played a few games wondering and worrying where he was until finally, Jack arrived, "Hey, You finally joining us?"

"Yeah, sorry." He said sitting down beside me and we started a new game, 

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine." He answered as he took his lucky coin from his pocket and began his usual trick of tossing the coin between his fingers as we plaid, 

"What did you have to do?"

"Nothing  Y/n," he chuckled and we got on with our game, 

"...Alright," I sighed,

I got on with my work at my stall doing my business for the morning,

" Y/n," Jack greeted as he approached,

I smiled widely as I hadn't seen him in a few days odd as I was used to seeing him daily, "Morning Jack,"

"I have a little job for my angel." He smirked leaning on my stall, 

"Oh?"

"I need you to go do a little whisper searching, a little recon, a little digging for me,"

"Digging? around what am I digging? Are you trying to find out Sneed's secrets again? cause I keep telling you he's a very boring man he doesn't have interesting dirt to dig though," I chuckled, 

"No, No not Sneed." He said, "Belle."

"Humm?"

"Lady Belle Fox. I want you to... do a little digging for me."

"For what exactly?"

"I wanna know... What she's like, what she is interested in, her little secrets and such like, Come on your good at this stuff." 

"I will have a dig but why do you-"

"You don't judge that's the deal." He said, "Come on, Please" he pouted,

"Alright, when do you need it by?"

"As soon as possible." He winked, "You're an angel, I'll see you soon." He said before he headed off, 

I didn't like doing this but I knew I wanted to do as Jack had asked me, I snuck my way to the governor's estate in my cloak. I found my way into her room and dug around for information about her but I didn't need to dig for long her room reminded me of Jack's, filled with surgical diagrams, and equipment, Belle's room showed her lack of care for art, for music the often frivolous lady things, she was focused, driven, wrote to surgeons overseas, kept medical journals of her experiments.

... all of it froze me to my core, to think of how she and Jack would be so perfect together. 

How much he would surely love her.

I got what I needed and headed to the hospital where I found Jack in his room waiting for me, 

" Y/n!" He perked up getting to his feet from his bed where he had been laid with his waistcoat and tie gone, "Did you dig?"

"I... I did."

"Well, what can you tell me?"

For a moment I considered lying to him, telling him lies about her to try and convince him to completely stay away from her but I couldn't bear to do so. I told him the truth, I told him everything he wanted to know and he couldn't be happier. He held my arms and kissed my forehead.

"You are an angel." He smiled, "Thank you,  Y/n,"

"You're welcome," I nodded,

"I need to get to work then," he smiled,

"I uhhh I'll let you get on then," I said trying to hide my feelings forcing them away and forcing myself to leave before my pain overflowed.

I got on with my work as usual on my stall, I missed Jack more than anything but I hadn't seen him in weeks now. Not even in passing, but I couldn't bring myself to go and see him especially without a reason to. I felt like... He'd abandoned me. 

When I packed my stall for the day I noticed a book in my box, I was meant to give it to Jack a while back when he asked me to find it for him and I never did give it to him. So I packed up and headed to the hospital book in hand, I went up to his room but I found it empty, so I went to his ward and again found it empty, I checked the theatre but still empty, I was confused wondering if perhaps he was out. But as I wandered the halls and corridors at last I found him, in the morgue cutting open a body, with Belle beside him. She looked beautiful in her black dress their hands connected and bloody as he guided her and aided her, his head inches from her shoulder. 

"Somewhere in there is how we think, and feel," she said, As she watched the surgery they worked on, "And Love,"

"And die,"

"It's so much more than plumbing"

he smiled to her giving her this look of utter devotion, the look I had always wanted, "Oh-  Y/n."

"Hi, Jack,"

"what are you doing here?"

"I uhh I have that book, you were looking for," I said stepping closer fixing my hair and offering him it,

"Ohh! right! course. Sorry, I forgot I even asked you too look for it for me." he laughed, "Thanks." he said, almost cold, No angel, no kiss, nothing. 

"Y-you're welcome," I nodded trying to fight back tears as I turned around and headed out, 

"Right on to the next thing Milady." He said to her, 

I began to walk out and by the time I was at the hospital entryway, I was balling tears flooding down my face and my feet were causing me to run, bursting out the door and quickly finding a wall to try and hyperventilate. 

That's it. 

I've been replaced. 

I had been doing my best to deal with everything, but it wasn't going well, I hadn't seen Jack in ages, he hadn't come to see me at all and I missed him so badly, I knew I couldn't wait anymore I had to go and tell him the truth, tell him how I felt. So I slipped on my cloak and headed through to the hospital I checked his ward, he wasn't there, I checked his room, he wasn't there, I went to check the theatre but the door was locked that's odd? so I went around into the prep room door and thought there to go in that way I stopped short. 

I looked through the prep room glass window into the theatre, and I saw Sneed on the table knocked out for his surgery. Lady Belle on one side of the table, Jack on the other. The surgery hadn't begun yet so I planned to rush in but- 

Before I could even move I saw this moment in slow motion, as they leaned in, leaning over the table and even if it broke my heart into a million pieces I saw as they're lips met and they kissed. 

My mouth fell open and I wanted to scream but no sound came out. 

Tears flooded down my face.

I turned and ran out of the hospital onto the darkening streets, through my tears and broken heart I accepted it, finally and completely. 

He loved her, and I was nothing. 

I went home and I cried for what felt like weeks, unable to even leave my bed. 

Slowly I accepted that I had to get on, make money, and pay my way, even with a shattered heart. I tried to rationalize it by feeling happy, that Jack had found someone he could love so utterly, that he and Belle were happy together, they'd be together in love, get married, have a house with surgical equipment everywhere, little blonde doctor children and live a happy life. Even if that meant I wouldn't get what I wanted, even if I wasn't a part of this life he was to build. 

I got on with work at my stall when I saw a sight that... even after this time still brought me such pain, Jack walking arm in arm with Belle down the street he barely noticed me the two walking past like I was nothing, just another market girl. But he stopped,

" Y/n?"

"Hi Doctor Dawkins," I answered part of me hoping he wouldn't have to stop, 

"Hi, Sorry I haven't seen you Everything has been so busy at the hospital."

"That's alright,"

 "You know I uhh I'm going out for cards tonight, if you wanna come?"

"No, I uhhh... I'm busy tonight."

"Oh, Really? you never miss cards come on."

"I really can't I'm sorry,"

"Shame. Alright then. But as I see you I do have a little job for you."

"Ohh I uhh I don't do that sort of thing anymore."

"wh-what?" he chuckled,

"I don't do that sort of thing anymore Doctor."

"You don't?"

"Jack we should be going we have to be back at the hospital for Mr Martin's amputation," Belle spoke up,

"Yes, just one second." he told her, "You really don't do it anymore? but it's always been your little job? You're my angel? and what's all this doctor stuff? what's going on with you?" 

"Y-You should really get going."

"...Alright, we're not done talking about this." He says the two heading off, 

I had hoped it was over, that he would simply forget. But I saw as they walked away heading to the hospital, I saw a black carriage the horses going crazy, the carriage heading through the town on a course. But I couldn't let it happen I bolted across the market and shoved Jack and Belle out of the way hearing them both complain as they hit the dirt. And I screamed as my body hit the carriage and the earth. 

" Y/n!" I rushed over as the carriage hurried off, I picked her up in my arms seeing her bloody and her body broken, her green dress stained with her blood and the muck of the carriage wheels, her  Y/H/C hair cascading around her, her pale skin even more so than usual, her Y/C/E eyes looking up to the meet the blue sky. " Y/n,  Y/n," I muttered,

"she- she pushed us out the way," Belle spoke up as she came close,

"She pushed us... she saved us..." I muttered already tears welling up, "Get a cart we have to get her to the hospital now!"

She nodded and quickly fetched one so I picked  Y/n up and carried her in setting her in the back, 

"You're gonna be okay, it's all okay, I'm gonna fix you, It's all gonna be okay angel I promise," I told her, 

She couldn't speak, she could barely look at me, we rushed her to the hospital and into the theatre where both Belle and I worked attempting to piece back together her mangled body being careful not to damage her further having given her a decent dose of morphia to dull the pain, 

"Jack..." Belle spoke up as she held  Y/n's neck and shoulder her pale skin purple, red and swelling by the moment, and I knew what the issue was,

"No. No. say it isn't so."

"... If we don't the bone will continue to pinch her jugular-"

"and it'll kill her." 

"But if we reset it-"

"We have a fifty-fifty chance we miss nicking the jugular which if we nick... she bleeds out and dies." I finished and she nodded, 

"what do we do?"

"...I... I don't know." 

"If we do nick it... can we sew it with surgery?"

"Not the jugular if we nick it she has two minutes maybe before she bleeds out or drowns in her blood. I'm fast I'm not that fast. not on sewing a jugular." I explained, 

"I-I'll give you a moment," she said heading out leaving  Y/n and me alone,

" Y/n,  Y/n.  Y/n angel please, please just open your eyes for me." I pleased her holding her head in my hands, she heard me and slowly opened her eyes staring at me with those Y/C/E orbs her breath harsh as she could barely deal with the pain. " Y/n, There is something we have to do, if I don't do it you'll die, but if I do... it's a coin toss if you'll survive. I-I can't make this decision on my own. I don't want to rush you but uhh time is an element here,"

"Jack..." her voice breathy her hand came to stroke my cheek, "I loved you."

"wh-what?"

"I loved you, from the first moment we met. I never was an odd job girl... I just did whatever you asked me no matter how foolish."

"You- You did that for me?"

"I did. Becuase I loved you, and I wanted to do whatever you asked to try... and make you look at me." she gasped, 

"If you loved me why have you been so distant?"

"Becuase I watched you fall for her."

My heart broke as she told me,

"I watched you fall for her, Love her, I watched her take up the place I dreamt of, I saw you look at her how I always wanted you to look at me."

"why didn't you tell me? if you had just told me we-"

"What?"

"We could have been together, I love you of course I love you, I've always loved you. You're  Y/n. My  Y/n. My odd job girl. My sweet sweet compainion, My Y/C/E eyes siren, My card partner. My- My angel." I explained through my tears, "If you had just told me we could... we could have been together."

"It's too late."

"It's not too late-"

"But I'm not her." she gasped, "and I can't replace her in your heart."

"But I love you..."

"And you love her, but you can't love us both." she said, "and you'd be happier with her-"

"You don't know that, you don't know that I wouldn't be a million times happier with you." 

"I can't make you choose between us, that isn't fair." she said, "...like this moment, there is nothing you can do, no choice you can make, without the risk of hurting one of us." 

"I don't want to hurt you, or her."

"I'm not making you. I'm letting you be happy."

"You can't make this decision for me."

"Please, Jack... Just let me go... you can't let me live in a world where I will never have the man I love,"

"what if I choose you? what if I pick you? We can get married, have a house, a family everything you've ever wanted, if I made you feel loved, if I told you how much I love my angel for the rest of our days,"

"Then that's not fair to her is it?"

"She's a lady she has a thousand suitors."

"But there not you. She's perfect. I knew that the moment I met her you couldn't give her up for me Jack."

"what if I want to. What if I want to give her up, to be with you?"

"I will not have her broken heart on my hands," she gasped, "I know that in this world I can't have what I want."

"I want you to have what you want. I want to love you, I want to be with you."

"Jack, please... don't make this harder." she pleaded, "let me go please, let me go and I'll be happy to know you're happy."

"You cannot ask this of me." I pleaded between tears, " Y/n, please. Angel. I love you, and I am a doctor both are reasons I can't just let you die in my arms."

"Please Jack," she begged, "Go, be with her, build a life with her, give her everything she has ever wanted, I ask only... for one kiss, and for you to hold me and look at me as I go, like I'm the only girl in the world."

"I-I will." I nodded even if it broke me apart, I held her close and kissed her sweet lips as I did I felt this horrible agony as I felt a firework a feeling I had never felt before, Belle might be perfect on paper but  Y/n gives me a spark I can't feel with anyone else. But it was too late. As I kissed her I did as she asked and I purposely reset the bone making sure I nicked her jugular immediately seeing the pain wash over her, watching her skin turn red the agnory in her eyes. I counted the seconds as I kissed her again, I stroked her cheek and I looked into her sweet eyes with the look of the purest and sweetest love I could give her, I looked at her as if we were all that mattered, all that existed. And she was all that I wanted. "I love you, I have always loved you, My sweet  Y/n, My Angel. I love you now. And I will love you until I am on the ground beside you." I whispered to her, "I will find you, in the next life, and I will show you all the love I should have given you in this one," as I watched the life leave her eyes and I held her in my arms, as I saw her into the next life. 

As soon as her heart stopped, I felt this agony, this crippling pain like my own heart was ripping apart, tears flooded down my face as I kissed her one final time her lips cold and the spark... gone. 

"Jack?" Belle spoke up as she had returned, she had seen what I had done and heard what I had said to  Y/n, her eyes teary. "What have you done," she whispered, 

"... I've killed an angel," I answered, 

#thomas sangster #thomasbrodiesangster #tbs smut #tbs imagine #thomas sangster imagine #tbs imagines #thomas brodie sangster #tbs #thomas brodie sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster smut #jackdawkinsartfuldodger #jack dawkins #jackdawkins #jack #doctor jack dawkins #thearttfuldodger #theartfuldogger #theartfuldodgerjack #the artful dodger

[portalfaecez]

[𝙼𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 _𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎_𝙳𝚊𝙼𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐_𝚂𝚙𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎_]

𝚆𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚝?

>[𝚈𝙴𝚂]

[𝙽𝙾]

[𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 _𝙰𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎_𝚂𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎_𝚁𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚘_𝚂𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚂𝚞𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚏𝚞𝚕]

Oooh- hey! I... I got something-! Hello? Can anyone hear me?

Hm, I'll take that as a no. Well, that's just sad, isn't it? Finally in range of the system and absolutely no one is here to help me. Well, actually, help is kind of a big thing to ask for, I um... Yeah no that's fine if you can't really... but uhhh, it does get awfully lonely here, in space. So, if you could maybe just stay here and talk to me for a bit? If anyone's out there...?

Who would want to talk to me anyways? After all I've done? It's alright, I get it... You- you don't have to say anything. It's not like you were much of a talker anyway, so, just keep doing what you always do. You're a great listener, by the way.

I do miss it though- Being your friend and all. You ah, get a lot of time to think up here in space... -and speaking of which, I kind of came to some sort of a realization- that you were probably the closest friend that I've ever had. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Wheatley I thought you had loads of friends!" -and you would be right! I have at least three friends, made em' all myself. But um, back to the point: you were the best of everyone, really. That's right! Waaaaay up there! The cores and the scientists... I don't know, they're all just kinda mean. Nobody has ever really treated me with so much respect besides you. Thank you. Even if I did mess everything up in the end. Hurt cores hurt other cores, that's the saying right? -Not that I'm trying to excuse anything. It's just... man.

I've thought it over about a billion times, different ways I would say and do things, things I should've said to you earlier. Hah, I really screwed it all up, haven't I? We could've just talked everything out and came to an understanding- er, well, I don't really know if you CAN talk so maybe... ASL? Could you do that? I remember a bit of it from being inside Her body- being a giant supercomputer and all-

[𝙱𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝙲𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝙻𝚘𝚠]

WH- Whoa! Um, wow, that's um... That's- that's really bad isn't it? Haven't got much time left... It seems... hah...

I know I've already apologized, but I feel like you deserve a better one. The um, the last one was kind of a stand-in for the better one I was planning to give you in person. It's um... A little funny now that I won't be able to. Now that I really think about it, I was probably never gonna get the chance to see you again regardless. But I already knew that, didn't I? I guess I just do this thing where I daydream about seeing you again so much that I convince myself it'll happen. Do you humans ever do that? Think about something so much you're positive that it's happened? It uh, might just be a side effect of space.

[3% 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐]

GHRAGH! Hold on a minute, let me get my bearings. That was... Strange. Everything's all blurry now. I can't... I can't really see anything. Um... God, how do I start this?

Chell. I'm sorry. I really, truly am sorry. I freaked out, I did! I stabbed ya' in the back, after everything you did to try to help us escape. I feel... Rotten. I do. I feel like the scum of the earth, if I'm being honest. Well, scum of space if you want to get technical with it- point is, you didn't deserve that. After all the nice things you did for me, given the fact that uh, you have arms I don't, I really should have been more grateful. If there was anything that I could say or do to make it right, I would in an instant. That's a promise. You deserved a better friend, and I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you.

[1% 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐]

Haha... I can feel myself sort of fading away now. It's um, kind of hard to keep my eye open... There we go. Feels easier to just let it close, not like I'm missing much anyways.

...

I'm scared.

...

When my body comes falling to earth, you'll catch me this time, will you?

#portal #portal 2 #wheatley #fanfiction #does this count as a fanfiction? #more like a drabble #drabble #sorry guys

[yakumtsaki]

-Ah, another day as a neglected second cousin who can only get airtime when in the background of Bartholomew and Sunset's semi-incestuous affair begins..

-Finally, I'm spotlight-adjacent!

Cyan please get out, with that hat/sunglasses combo you look like a legit pervert.

-I don't care!! We're all sick of your shit, we demand equal airtime!!!

It pains me to admit it but you people are right, I mean I don't even know half your names.

-You don't know our names?!

Of course I know your name, buddy!

-Which is?

Uhhh.. Dorboi?

-Did you just spell 'Door Boy' slightly differently?

Ok you know what I'm too busy to talk, I have to break Barth and Sunset up, catch you later, Grinred!

-I'm so worried about my popularity in the house tanking! Everyone is against me and Barth and our hot, taboo relationship!

Ok Sunset let's calm down, you're second cousins, it's not like we're Lannistering it up in this joint.

-Oh thank God the Matchmaker is here, she can save me from the torment of this forbidden love!

Ya I wouldn't count on it seeing as it's Margaret so you're either getting one of Cyneswith's discarded former lovers or a broken Bon Voyage NPC. We'd be better off with Lakshmi after the stunning success of Fedow!

-Oh please Meadow was an one time thing, everyone knows it is I, Margaret, who is the superior Matchmaker!

Do we know that though because you've been exceedingly terrible.

-Silence! Now, young Unionette, I have the perfect match for you! Incoming in 3.. 2.. 1.. Make room on this porch..

Omg it's Ty Bubbler!!! I actually don't hate it, they have 3 bolts, good job Marg!

-Thank you, that will be §5k.

Do you accept payment in the form of sleeping with Bartholomew?

-Not even if you paid me.

We WOULD be paying you, that's what I'm saying.

-Not enough money in the world!

Ok I don't think we're understanding each other. Just take the last of our money and go, hope none of you kids wanted to eat this week.

This is actually kinda cute right, I'm liking them together, Ty is so chill and Sunset is so.. uhh..

-So I like things SPICY. HOT. HOT AND FORBIDDEN. THE HOTTER AND MORE FORBIDDEN THE BETTER

-That's great, I like ice cream :)

Ok I'm starting to feel Ty might not be quite the guy to shake Sunset out of this Bartholomew kick..

..and looking at this visage, can you blame her?? Looking amazing, Barth!

-Thanks, I know!

God..

..GOD. SUNSET DO WE HAVE TO GET YOU LEGIT BARTHXORCISED

T̶H̷E̶ ̴S̴P̸I̵R̴I̵T̶ ̶O̷F̶ ̴I̶N̶A̸P̶P̶R̴O̷P̴R̶I̵A̵T̸E̶ ̵R̷E̴L̷A̴T̶I̸O̷N̶S̶H̶I̸P̷S̶ ̸C̶O̷M̶P̶E̶L̷S̴ ̴M̵E̵

-You're not alone, Sunset! I gave Margaret a dollar and scored this super hot date with the elderly Good Witch!

Spice what the hell.

-I LOVE HER AND I DON'T CARE

Oh man is this gonna be Reginald and Half-Alien Prof all over again?? I need a drink.

-Say no more! -I'm on a date with someone else, Bartholomew! What more do I have to do to get your attention?! -Sorry, Sun, blood is thicker than water, but whiskey is thicker than both! Huhu! -What? -Ya I don't know, this is my eleventh morning drink.

-Ah finally, time to serve a magnificent meal for my beloved Meadow and have a wholesome evening away from all this degeneracy..

-Couldn't agree more, Fel!

CYAN WHAT THE

-That's right, I made a big deal about air time and made you drive Sunset into Ty's arms so I could have Barth all to myself! Muahaha!

But you're the good one, you're like your mom! 10 nice points!!

-My mom June?

Ya!!!

-My mom June who spent all of college obsessed with her cousin Sugar??

Oh. FML

#unions #gen 4 #ts2 #long post

[camryn-haitani]

Phobia Factor

Duncan x GNReader

Ep: Phobia Factor

TW: suicide talk and panic attack

All the campers are gathered around the fire sharing their fears. But you, you're a little smarter than that. but not as smart as Chris.

I know this isn't like a main fear some of y'all have, but this is a main fear for me. so I just wanted to put it out there beforehand. also just to clarify, y'all aren't dating in the beginning.

- - - - - -

"c-celine dion music store standees..." Duncan says while his head hung low. "uh exsqueeze me? I didn't quite catch that" Cody exclaimed while leaning more towards Duncan. "shut the fuck up you little asshole or I'll kick your puny ass into next week's challenge." Duncan said while holding Cody's shirt.

(in the confession booth)

"uhhh I'm a little scared right now. like I have a feeling Chris is gonna get some sick twisted idea for us. ya know, since we're saying what our fears were. but ain't no way I'm saying that shit Infront of people. and ain't no way I'm saying it here either." I say while crossing my arms.

(with Chris and Chef)

"heh heh heh, oh don't worry y/n. we've been watching you very carefully. you don't have to say what your fear is, I already know it." Chris said followed by a maniacal laugh. "ya know man, you're one sick freak. but me too." chef said while eating his dessert.

(back at the campfire)

"what about you y/n? what are you scared of?" Courtney egged on. "y'all a bunch of dumbasses ya know. y'all seriously didn't think that Chris is gonna do something with this info that he has on us now." I say. "omg you're rightttt." Lindsey said. you facepalmed and shook your head. "I'm headed to bed, good night y'all." I say while stretching and popping my back. "wait up sweetheart, I'll walk you there." Duncan says while walking behind you. "why's that bitch gotta take him away?" Courtney said quietly.

"you know, I have a feeling you're right about the whole Chris gonna do something with our fears thing." Duncan said while putting his arm around your shoulder. "I told y'all" I say, "well good night Duncan. I'll hopefully see you tomorrow." "good night babe." he says while kissing the back of your hand.

'why are feelings so hard. I think I'm falling for Duncan. we've just clicked from the beginning. shit. but I'm in this to win it.' I think to myself before falling asleep

(next morning)

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING CAMPERS. RISE AND SHINE. MEET ME AT THE LODGE FOR BREAKFAST IN 5 MINUTES." Chris yelled over the loudspeakers. "can't we just get 30 more minutes of fuckin sleep?" leshawna said while rubbing her head.

after I got dressed, I walked out of the cabin and was met with Duncan having his back facing me. "hey sweet cheeks, you ready?" "yeah yeah I'm coming." I say still trying to wake up. we started walking to the lodge and I felt someone glaring daggers into my back. I turn around and nothings there. I brush off the feeling and keep walking.

"heyyyy campers. while you finish up breaky, how about heather meet me up at the amphitheater. it's sumooooooo time." "WHAT" Heather spats out along with her drink which hit Gwen. "real fuckin nice heather." Gwen said while her face dripping in water. "awww at least it's a good look on you." Heather says while walking out, shaking with fear.

"see I told you assholes Chris was gonna do something." I yell. "hey y/n. I need to talk to you. it's something important." Chef says while he pulls me out the door.

"ok guys. I found out what y/n's fear is. and I'm really not gonna like saying this but, I need y'all's help to make it work." Chris whisper yells.

(after Chris explained what they need to do)

"you're one sick ticket dude." leshawna says. "yeah man, this is just wrong." Duncan said with his head hung.

(at the amphitheater)

"ohhhhh ok I get it now. thanks chef." I say while walking to go sit next to Duncan. "no problem y/n." chef says going back to Chris. "hey Duncan." I sit down next to him. *silence* "uhh Duncan? you ok?" "why the fuck are you always following me around? get the fuck away from me. this is why Courtney's better than you." he snaps. "......oh. I'm sorry." I sadly say. I get up and go sit next to Gwen. "hey Gwen." "ughh the hell do you want? if you're not gonna be useful then stop wasting my time." Gwen yells. I have one more person I can go to. "hey trent." I say hoping he's not gonna be the the other two. "omg y/n stop thinking we're friends. we are not friends and we will never be friends. go jump off the fucking cliff we did in the first challenge. you'd be doing us a favor." trent says while regretting every word that came out of his mouth.

'fuck fuck fuck. it's happening again' I say in my head. I get up and walk to the woods.

"SHIT. WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME." I cry while sliding down a tree to sit down.

*suicide talk starts*

they were right. I should jump off that cliff. my breathing becomes ragged and unstable. I start to shake and my vision gets blurry.

(with Duncan)

'where did y/n go?' Duncan thought. but then a certain memory can across his mind.

*flashback*

"yeah I've had to move schools alot because of how much the people there bullied me and told me things that broke my mental health. I've been told to kill myself. multiple times. my biggest fear is being replaced and forgotten." I say.

me and Duncan were somewhere in the woods just talking. me and him have gotten kinda close but not that close.

*back to now*

Duncan pov:

"I fucked up. I fucked up bad." I say while standing up. I run. I don't know where I'm running to, but I'm running. wait, I'm running to find y/n. I check the cabin, I check the lodge, I check the bathroom. I check everywhere. wait, the woods.

your pov:

it's getting worse. this is the worst attack I've ever had. I start scratching my arm to try and regain neutrality. but nothing is working. I can't stand. I can't talk. I can't think.

Duncan pov:

shit shit shit. I hear them, but I don't know where they are. "Y/N" I yell to at least try. but alas, I don't hear a response.

your pov:

"Y/N"

I faintly hear my name but I can't respond. no matter how hard I try. my voice just won't come out. but I see some rocks. I pick one up and find the strength to throw it. I get one about a foot away from me. I pick up another one, this time I got it a little farther. the last rock, I throw it the farthest. then j hear rapid footsteps coming towards me.

"holy shit y/n. I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible person." Duncan says with tears in his eyes. he picks me up and puts me in his lap while he sits against the tree. he has his hand on the back of my head. 'this is nice' I think. Im still shaking. my throat is hoarse from crying. I'm weak from the energy I've been exerting.

after a good hour or two, I've finally calmed down. Duncan noticed it and asked, "do you wanna go back with the others or to the cabin?" it was around the afternoon and the challenge is over.

"I wanna go see Trent and Gwen." I say barely audible. "ok sweet cheeks let's go."

he picks me up and puts his arm around my waist and we begin walking.

"y/n omg I'm so sorry. I'm such a shitty person. please forgive me. I'll do anything." Gwen said while crying and hugging me. I hug back. "I forgive you. but please never do that again. promise?" "I promise." we break from the hug and I sit down. "fuck y/n. I'm so sorry, I'm a horrible friend. I shouldn't have said those things to you." Trent said while also crying. "please forgive me." "it's gonna take a while for me to forgive you. but I accept you're apology."

we all eat dinner and eve's drop the campfire ceremony. Tyler gets voted off. and we all go back to the cabins.

"y/n!"

"oh hey Duncan. what's up?"

"lemme walk you to your cabin."

"sure"

we begin walking and he says

"y/n. I think I like you. like I get nervous around you and I care about you a lot and when I saw you having that panic attack, I felt horrible because I knew I was the cause. but forget that, I want to be with you. I wanna be by your side through everything. even after this shit show."

"Duncan I like you too."

he closed the gap between us.

after a few minutes, we part.

"well good night sweet cheeks. think if me when you dream" he says

"I already do"

"WHAT" he says with the biggest blush on his face.

- - - - - - -

#total drama duncan #duncan total drama #duncan x reader #total drama #total drama island #x reader #duncan x y/n

[aroace-cat-lady]

The time has come and I'm gonna rant about this.

Okay. Con alto miedo a una funa I'm just gonna say it: what the actual fuck.

It's like the whole TSC fandom decided to hate everything CC says from now on. Like, dude, I totally get you are angry and hurt and feel that ChoT was a big betrayer. But you don't get to harass her and insult her and everything she has done. ChoT (and TLH in general, actually) was so fucking hard to write for her.

And yes, it could've been a better book. The ending didn't make justice to the story. It's sad we spent years waiting for it and it didn't meet expectations. I know that. And it's frustrating. And it hurts.

But, and hear me on this and please don't try to kill me I'm currently terrified of all of you, it's not CC's fault.

"Oh, of course it is, she wrote it!!" "She had years to plan it and look how it turned out!!" "This is what happens when you write such a big series!! It was meant to happen eventually!!" "She's the writer she should know her books and characters better!!!"

First, fuck you??? Uhhh she wrote this book back in 2020?? Coronavirus?? Have you heard of it?? Thousands and thousands of deads and social distance?? No?? Uh. Weird.

I really wish I didn't feel the urge to defend her (cuz yeah, I'm upset too, my expectations on her will always be higher than the empire state and this didn't even get higher than myself) but guys. Please. Stop harassing her. And stop harassing ppl that's trying to see the bright side of things.

It's okay to be angry. To be sad. To be frustrated. To feel you've been played. God knows that's how I feel.

But. Honey. It's not like CC woke up one morning and thought Ohh!! You know what'd be great?? To disappoint all my fans writing a really long book that goes against all I've been trying to say throughout the series!!!

She literally couldn't bring herself to write the book you wanted. The book you "deserved". Because the world was falling a part. And she didn't have the support system she usually has. And that doesn't make her a bad writer. It makes her a fucking human being.

Yes. ChoT did not meet expectations. Yes. These characters deserved better. Yes. ChoT had the potential to be a really strong book and it didn't deliver. Yes. We wanted tears and our heart tear out of our chest. We did not get that.

She. Just. Couldn't. Do. It. With. The. World. Falling. Down.

Hate to ask you to have empathy with her but dear lord sometimes you guys just get too far.

#i love this fandom i love these books but i really hate your attitude right now #literally terrified to hit post #cassandra clare #the shadowhuter chronicles #shadowhunter chronicles #cassieclare #cassandraclare #shadowhunters #cazadores de sombras #cassie clare #the last hours tlh #chain of thorns spoilers #chain of thorns #tlh spoilers #the last hours spoilers #im infp and tired of your shit

[anenbylittlepotato]

"Would you still love me if I was a worm?"

Uhhh I had this idea from an oc question in one of the servers I'm in lol. This is definitely uhhh crack lol

Includes: Zhongli, Diluc, Xiao, Itto, Yae Miko, Tighnari, Sucrose, Childe, Yoimiya, Al-haitham

You ask them out of the blue if they'd still love you if yiu were a worm lol

Zhongli

He stares at you, very confused by this question.

"Of course I would my dear, what makes you ask such a thing???”

He now feels like he hasn't been giving you enough love and now you feel unloved :(

You'll have to reassure him but even then he'll likely be extra doting and loving to you for the next couple weeks

He's so wonderful <333 my husband <333

Diluc

He looks at you like

"S/O.... Go to bed."

If you don't go to bed he will literally carry you to bed.

And tuck you in too.

He gives you a kiss on the forehead.

"And... Yes. I would still love you if you were a worm."

Then he leaves and goes back to his work.

Xiao

He stares at you for like a good full minute.

"... What."

No, seriously what.

"What does that even mean...? Why would you be a worm??? Such a ridiculous question. Honestly, do all mortals ask such idiotic questions?”

If you insist he'll say, "Do you understand how weird it would be to be in love with a worm? Spare me your foolishness."

When he sees you get sad he sighs.

"Of course I wouldn't love you as worm. Because I love you as you. I don't want you to be anything else."

He looks away, his face bright red, as he says that.

Itto

"ARE YOU GONNA BECOME A WORM??? WHO'S TURNING YOU INTO A WORM???"

He picks you up and runs off with you.

"DON'T WORRY, S/O, I'LL SAVE YOU!!!"

You have to quickly explain that, no, you are not, in fact, being turned into a worm.

Once you do he puts you down and looks at you, puzzled.

"Waitwaitwait. Why'd you ask that then????"

Once you explain he just seems even more confused.

"So. You're not a worm. And you're not becoming a worm. I don't get it. Why does it matter???"

The more you try to explain the more confused he gets.

Just give up he's not gonna get it, let alone answer.

Yae Miko

"Of course not, why would I love a worm? Why would I defile myself with such a vile creature?"

No hesitation 💀

When she sees your reaction she just laughs.

"Oh, you are so cute with that expression, dear. If it makes you feel any better, I'd at least get you a terrarium to live in. How does that sound?"

When you pout at her, she laughs even more.

"I'm just joking, silly. No need to take it so seriously. Come now, let's go get something to eat to make it up to you."

And then she takes you to get fried tofu.

S/O will remember this.

Tighnari

He stares at you

And then stares at you more.

He stares at you for a full 10 minutes before resonding.

"S/O... What in archon's name are you going on about??"

When you try to explain, he stops you, ears twitching a little.

"No, no. That was rhetorical. But really, what could possibly drive you to ask such a thing? If you want me to give you some love, you don't have to ask ridiculous question to do it."

He shakes his head and pulls you into his arms.

"I love you just the way you are."

Sucrose

She gives you a surprised look.

"Of course, I would! And I'd get you a terrarium to stay in and take good care of you until I figure out a way you change you back!"

Her ears droop a little more then they already are.

"Are you asking because I haven't been paying enough attention to you? I'm so sorry! I can put some of my work to the side for now and we can-"

You have to interrupt her to explain that it was just a silly question.

She looks visibly relieved and nods with a smile before hugging you.

"I'll always love you, S/O..."

Childe

He stares at you like 🧍

He blinks

Then blinks again

Then he bursts into laughter.

"What kind of question is that?!"

Yes, he is making fun of you

And yes, he is going to bully you about this.

"Oh, you're truly hilarious, S/O. Where do you even come up with these things???”

He immediately pulls you against him.

"Now, the real question is... Would I be a worm too??"

Yoimiya

She immediately giggles at you.

"Silly, S/O! Why are you even asking?? Of course I would! How could I not?"

She gives you a lil kiss.

"Besides, how would you become a worm anyway?? That's just silly! Now come on! There's supposed to be fireworks soon! We HAVE to go see them!"

She grabs your hand cheerily dragging you along, having completely forgotten your conversation already.

Al-haitham

🧍

He turns and starts walking away.

When you chase after him and stops with a sigh.

"You're in one of those moods where you aak idiotic questions again. I don't feel like hearing it right now. Go take a nap and put those thoughts out of your head. Don't talk to me until you've cleared your mind."

And then he leaves 💀

And he keeps to his word too. He refuses to talk to you until you get over the question.

He's an asshole 💀

#genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact writing #genshin zhongli #zhongli #genshin impact diluc #diluc #diluc ragnvindr #genshin diluc #xiao x reader #xiao #genshin impact xiao #xiao genshin impact #arataki itto #genshin itto #itto x reader #genshin impact itto #yae miko #genshin impact yae miko #Tighnari #genshin tighnari #genshin impact tighnari #tighnari genshin #sucrose #genshin sucrose #genshin impact childe #yoimiya #genshin yoimiya #al haitham #genshin impact al haitham

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.53 New digs

Sophia gently grasped my hand and led me into my new residence: our home. As I looked around, I couldn't help but smile as I recalled my earlier thoughts about her during dinner: simple and elegant. The naked walls and bare essentials confirmed the theme yet again. Was there room for me in this tiny house? I didn't have much, but how could I live here without disrupting the flow? That was a thought for some other time because she stole my attention as she emerged from the bedroom, dressed for bed, beckoning for me to join her in the dimly lit room. I followed cautiously, minding my desires and not wanting to presume anything. She slipped under the covers, so I spun into my PJs and nestled beside her.

"Hold me," she whispered softly.

I obeyed and refused to let go. How symbolic. The first time we hung out, I refused to hug her because I knew if I ever got her in my arms, I'd never let go. And now, there I was, laying there with her in my arms, promising I'd never let her go again. At that moment, I had everything I needed and fell asleep content and satisfied, experiencing the most restful sleep in a while.

In the morning, I woke up, and she was gone. I got a chuckle out of thinking about how she escaped the vice grip I had her in while managing not to wake me. That took talent. I checked my messages, hoping to find one from her but not intentionally looking for one. I knew she went to work, but I just loved hearing from her. Sure enough, a message had arrived two hours prior stating she had left for work, would return around 3:00, and that I should make myself at home. Not that I expected anything different, but I loved how eager she was to make me feel welcome. I replied saying I'd go home to get some stuff but would be back before she got home.

With that out of the way, I surveyed my new home to gauge its vibe and figure out how we can merge our lives in this cramped space. Despite being the most decorated room, the bedroom still fell in line with the minimalist theme. At least it had curtains. The patio door left us exposed, but the massive boulders behind the house shielded us against potential peepers. Anyone who was desperate enough to climb up there to see us deserved a show.

She didn't have many clothes, so I could put a few items on the racks. The empty nightstand was a perfect place for toiletries and small personal items. She used the second room as her office. Despite its limited space, it had the best potential to not only put some of my things but to create a space that was ours.

I'd already seen the living/dining/kitchen space, but now I could get a good look at it. The kitchen was perfect. Almost too perfect, as if it never got used. I guess she was right about not cooking much. The idea of cooking for her regularly excited me. I wanted to take care of her without disrupting her autonomy, and that was the perfect way to do it.

After my self-guided tour, I took a shower and was glad to see her bathroom was nicer than the ones at Dad's house. Once I was ready, I headed to San Sequoia to break this crazy news to him. He was watching TV and smirking at me when I walked through the door.

"Another night of fun?" he joked.

"Yes, but not how you think."

"Ohhh. Well, that sounds promising."

"Uhhh...yeah, maybe..."

His eyes were laser locked on me, blinking rapidly and waiting for clarification.

"Okay, so... This is gonna sound really crazy, and you might be disappointed, but here goes... I kinda agreed to move in with Sophia."

"Dad? What do you think?"

"Are you sure about this?"

"Honestly? I don't really know. But what I do know is I've been too afraid to take risks. I feel like I can't grow as a man being afraid of what might happen. Plus, I really really like her."

Dad grinned from ear to ear.

"I think you more than like her. I'm so proud of you. That's a very big thing you've realized about yourself. It takes maturity to get there. You've always been thoughtful and have good judgement, so if this is something you feel you need to do, I support it. I'm happy for you."

That went waaaaaay better than I imagined. Dad wasn't someone who got upset much, but I imagined him being triggered by his own experience and being dead-set against it.

"So...I guess you're here to get your things, then?" he asked.

"Just the essentials. Her house is super tiny. Like...Copperdale tiny."

"Oh. Yikes. You gonna be alright with that?"

I shrugged.

"I guess we'll see."

"Alright. Well, don't let me keep you."

"Hey, Dad? Thank you...for everything. I don't think I could have made it here without your guidance."

He nodded.

"That's the job, son."

"I know, but... I don't know. You've been, like, really cool about it. You make sharing things really easy. I've enjoyed being here with you. I mean...I knew I needed you when I decided to move in with you, but I didn't know how much. And I... Well, forget it. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, heh."

"Come here," he said and stood. "I love you. You're always welcome here. You and Sophia."

"Thanks, Dad... Oh, and if you tell Mama about any of this, The Book of Luca will be closed. I know you two still talk about me."

He laughed.

"My lips are sealed."

#ISBI challenge #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #adolting #adolting gen 3 #luca winston murillo #ali murillo

[future-boi]

Get To Know Me Tag Game!

Thanks to @mythical-bookworm and @alex-a-fans for tagging me.

tbh this is just a song rec list LMAO [easier to open in a browser fyi]

1) Spell your name in songs

Y'all get two for the price of one cuz I couldn't decide if I wanted to go with all non-English songs or not.

The non-English songs are labeled with 🧋 in case you wanna avoid 🤪

Warning: Most of the songs in english have swear words so... just in case u got kids or ur strict parents around LMAO.

⚡️ F: Fighter Not a Lover

aro/ace people gonna love that shit ^ + no swear words

alt: fml u fucked me up

⚡️ U: URARA🧋

It translates to 'Oo-la-la', which I now realize is the magazine Biff was carrying around in the second movie... this was unintentional and the meaning of the song is very wholesome, trust me

alt: Upside Down

⚡️ T: this was a demo for this one song...

That one's like 50% f-bombs ^ i love it

alt: Toxic but its NOT Brittany, B*tch 💅

The most aggressive entry on this list

⚡️ U: Up Up and Away

The only f-bomb is in the second verse

alt: Unmei no Roulette Mawashite 🧋

'unmei' means 'destiny' so you know I had to include it

⚡️ R: Raining in Manila (half 🧋)

Couple of dudes just vibin' out in the studio, what's not to love?

alt: RAHHHH

^im convinced this is what suburbanites see in their nightmares

⚡️ E: Electricity (half 🧋)

alt: Extensyon

Both make up the most WHOLESOME entry in this

⚡️ -(hyphen): Hatid Sundo 🧋

Baby. Baby boi. Baby. vibes ^

alt: Hell to Sell

EVIL. vibes ^

🚫🧢 I have a problem with tonal whiplash. Did I cheat and use the hyphen to include the most wholesome and cute song right before pulling out the lowkey most scandalous song in the list? YES.

Just realized it doesn't work as well if you can't understand it, but trust me. I mean just listening to its vibes is enough 😩

⚡️ B: Balik Sa Umpisa 🧋

Any song that samples/remixes 'Stand By Me' is a W in my book.

alt: Bodybag

I'm just self-reporting at this point.

Ok the rest are very wholesome songs I swear

⚡️ O: Oretachi Rookies 🧋

alt: Oh, Imagine That

ok this one's tied for most wholesome in the list

⚡️ I: I/Me/Myself

gnc/nb people gonna love this shit ^

alt: I Really Like You

that was a struggle, R is the top pick to check out imo. E, O and I are the wholesome ones with no swear words if u care.

2) Why did you choose your URL?

Its based. ..off the song in the musical. I got back into the fandom because of the musical so I owe it that much. 'boi' sounds more gender-neutral than 'boy'

3) What is your middle name?

That's a secret!

4) If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be?

Shapeshifter.

5) Favorite color?

Purple. Lavender/Periwinkle specifically.

6) Song you love right now?

What? 🧋 The amount of crackhead energy, but genuine emotion... AND AESTHETIC. it was literally made for me LMAO Ken is so aggro but hes singing about not littering. like why is he so intimidating-- but i support the eco-friendly king. but fr the song is about waving ur flag with pride??? PRIDE???? and they look androgynous asf??? whats not to love

7) Top four fandoms? (Current Fandoms?)

Back to the Future

That's it

jk uhhh, Invincible

Thats it, dont wanna get into past fandoms rn

8) Tag nine people

mf u think i know 9 people??

im playin, lemme tag some cool people... not that u have to do this, i just wanted to bother u 🤪 but feel free to do it, i wanna hear other music 🥺🥺🥺

⚡️ @maxintime LOVE UR ART STYLE. BEEN TOO SHY TO BOTHER U THO 😭

⚡️ @jowritesfanfiction my inspo, my density, ILY. Im never shy bout bothering u in my posts HAVE U GOTTEN THE RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME YET 🤪🤪😭😭😭 ive tagged this mf in every other post istg

⚡️ @moth-makay ur great frfr 😭😭 all the hugs. r u gonna post more art??? cuz u shouuuld 🥺

⚡️ @bttf-dork ur name and pfp give comfy vibes??? its very endearing. dunno how to describe it, but i like seeing u in my notifs 🥰 bUT UR ART DOHHH. immaculate. underrated.

⚡️ @pepsifox88 i hope u continue to cook ✨ everyone go and GIVE THEM SUPPORT, I AM NO LONGER ASKING

and to the rest of u, thank u for liking a bunch of my work, whenever i see long lists of likes like that, or if i see ur name often 'nuff, i always notice 😇, i never know how to say thank you!!

@leftoverspagehhti

@karorurodriguez

@epikprinc

@mapleflavedpepperoni

@xmaster3000

@jayisnotdrawing

@jackofthecards

@ectojester

@cat0marble

Didn't include everyone, but just know that i noticed you!!! 💝

watch me get reported for harassment by all these people 😂

#music

[naoknowswhat]

I made a Clover sketch tonight, look at him I love him (and i also really like how it turned out wth)

and IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ITTY BITTY TINY MAN. i would NOT hesitate to die for him in a situation where such methods are needed.

Now before you continue I warn you the following is basically me rambling about how much I fucking love undertale yellow heheheh (Also a lot of spoilers ahead).

I have spent the whole day playing this stupid (fantastic, amazing, marvelous) game, I kid you not that I went from the end of the ruins to the fucking steamworks, which said out loud doesn't sound like a lot of time but uhhh for me it was if you consider that I've investigated EVERY FUCKING INCH OF THE MAP.

I'm not complaining, oh ho ho (merry Xmas) I'm not complaining because its been the most fun I've had playing a game in a WHILE, its made my life better and now im gonna spend the rest of the year (and probably more) obsessed over all the characters and their stories (mostly Clover and Martlet ngl).

But I gotta admit that even if I find the Ut yellow's characters a lot different than the ones from the original game, I can't help but love them the same. Look, I'm no expert on character design but I smile every time I see Martlet comment something or simply being on screen, I start laughing whenever I see a hint of Mo on any frame, heck you mention any of the characters and I immediately start smiling like an idiot, and the whole scene with North Star? The Feisty Five?? CEROBA?? I died, the moment I stepped on the town I fucking died.

I remember being really, REALLY into undertale when I was like 10-11 years old, and suddenly opening yt one day and watching my favourite YouTuber play the demo of this fan game, and i remember thinking "oh wow that game looks really cool!" Simply because of the concept of watching how it was like for any of the other souls to go through the underground, instead of Frisk. AND NOW, YEARS LATER I GET TO PLAY IT BY MYSELF, you don't know how special this game is for me.

For me it isn't only a fan game, or the story of another fallen human, for me it's getting an opportunity to enjoy the main thing that inspired me back the from zero, getting to learn about new characters, about new stories, and new perspectives. For me it's also getting an opportunity to meet them all, to be their "friend" and to live an adventure all by myself because back then i could only sit and watch everyone else do all the things i wanted to do, because back then i could only look at them all having fun, laughing with the good things and crying with the bad memories while separated through a screen.

Today I got to meet them all and to laugh with the unexpected dialogue, while learning that even in a fictional story not everything is painted in bright pink, I saw them get into trouble and also helped them overcome it, and it was amazing.

I also got to die and die and die again and again because I realised at the beginning of the game that I'm really bad at it (i cant blame the controller, I know it :( ), but it also made me promise myself that i would keep going no matter what, because i really wanted to see what's next. Heck you could say I kept going because of my determination ;).

I haven't finished the game yet, but I already know I'm gonna replay it over and over, I wanna catch every detail, investigate and discover every mystery, and i wanna make so many theories already, I CAN'T WAIT TO LOVE THIS GAME.

So for now have a not-so-quick sketch of Clover, the bearer of the yellow soul, the one who has quickly made way into my heart, and it seems the little shit is now living there rent free.

If you've read all the way to the end wth is wrong with you, and also thanks a lot for the attention, I was really excited to talk about this game to someone but didn't know how to do it, so I figured tumblr was the place pla to write for an hour, so the short-drawing post is now my review of the game hehehehe.

Anyway thanks for reading to the very end, I hope you have an amazing rest of the year, and most importantly a great begining of the new one <3.

#undertale #ut yellow #amazing game 10000000/10 #ut Clover #im so excited to finish the game #but im gonna take my time to do it hehehe #my art shit

[barry-j-blupjeans]

"And of course, you'll have training together tomorrow-"

"Can't," Magnus interrupted.

Lucretia blinked. She had come down to the boys' dorm to give them an update on their new training regime After the mess with Taako's relic- the Philosopher's Stone, it was of uttermost importance that they kept in good physical shape. She was already dreading the day she'd have to send them into Wonderland, so extra training couldn't hurt. She wanted to do that last, of course, but they were still searching for the Temporal Chalice and it was better to be safe than sorry.

But the only person in the dorm when she arrived was Magnus. Merle was, apparently, with his kids (Magnus whispered this to her like it was a secret and that Merle himself hadn't shown her the pictures he kept in his wallet). When she asked about Taako, Magnus grimaced and wouldn't elaborate. Lucretia had the feeling it had something to do with the giant burn mark on their floor that had been covered with a towel much too small.

"You... can't," Lucretia repeated.

"Yeah," Magnus said. "I mean, I can! And Merle probably can! But Taako, uhhh, Taako doesn't really wanna... be... around me right now."

Okay. Okay, Lucretia could deal with this. Taako got upset over lots of stupid things. One time, he held a grudge against Magnus for three cycles for taking their last bit of ketchup. Actually, Lucretia was pretty sure that if she hadn't erased that incident from their minds, Taako would still be mad about it. First things first, she needed to get to the root of the problem.

"What exactly happened between you and Taako?" she asked.

Magnus grimaced again, twisting his face up so much that Lucretia almost laughed. But that wouldn't be professional. She was professional.

"Nothing much," Magnus blatantly lied. "It's just, uh, y'know. When you're living in such close quarters with someone for a while, you're gonna fight occasionally."

Oh, did Lucretia know.

"But what was the fight about?" she said.

"Oh y'know..." Magnus repeated. Was he sweating? He looked like he was sweating. "Sometimes you just, uhm. Do things accidentally. And then fuck up your friendship with someone."

"Did you..." Lucretia's nose scrunched up as she thought. Okay, now she was grimacing. "I'm asking this in a professional sense, but did you kiss Taako?"

"What?" Magnus said. "No! What the fuck!"

"See, I thought you hadn't but the way you phrased it-"

"No!" Magnus said. "No, I'm mar- I'm not interested in Taako. Also, T-B-H, Director, Taako is not my type. He's too... spindly. And also intimidating. In the bad way."

"Sure," Lucretia said, like that made any sense to her whatsoever. "So you didn't kiss Taako, but you did something to fuck up your friendship." She tried to think. What could Magnus have possibly done to ruin things bad enough that he thought Taako wouldn't be going to training. "Did you... damn, Magnus, I'm out of ideas."

"I don't think it was that bad," Magnus said. "I just- I like to keep people on their feet! Keep them ready for danger!"

"Of course," Lucretia said, remembering when all four incidents of when she threw her journal at him when he snuck up at her, and the one time she hit him on the head with a inflatable baseball bat.

"So I was gonna do that to Taako while he was laying on the couch," Magnus said. "I think he was sleeping but I'm not sure 'cus I didn't look that hard. But I like, launched myself over the couch and onto the cushion next to him. And, uhm. Something cracked? Snapped? Snapped is a better word."

He glanced over at the burnt part of the floor. The pieces clicked together in Lucretia's mind.

"Oh, shit," she said. "You broke the umbrastaff."

"Not on purpose," Magnus said, voice low and urgent like someone would be listening in on them. Maybe he had been hanging out with Angus too much. "It just- it happened! On accident! And of course, Taako woke up immediately and he was like "what the fuck" but then the staff kind of, uhm. Got really hot? Like burning hot. And obviously, I got off it and there was a... thing that happened. And now we're here."

"A thing," Lucretia repeated, trying to get her voice to stay steady. She tightened her grip on her staff, hoping it would make her less shaky.

"Yeah, uhm, a thing."

"I think it'd be pretty important to mention what the thing was, Magnus."

"Wellllllll, I didn't get a good look at it," Magnus said, now looking anywhere but at her. He was playing with the end of his shirt. Lucretia didn't even have to know him for a hundred years to know that he wasn't telling the complete truth.

"Magnus, if it puts our security at risk-"

"Ehhhh," Magnus said. "It's probably not that big of a deal."

"Magnus."

"If I had to choose someone I have met to say it looks like," Magnus said. "Like, hypothetically, if I had to pick someone. Then I would probably, maybe- just like, a little bit, just a little bit, I would pick the, uh.... the Red Robe?"

"Lup," Lucretia breathed. Had she been in the umbrastaff this whole time? Fuck, why had Lucretia not put that together earlier? She knew the staff ate defeated magic users, Lup must have been bested before she died. Probably while hiding the Gauntlet. She hadn't come back because she hadn't physically been able to. Of course. Of course! Lucretia felt so stupid.

"Who?" Magnus asked.

"Nothing," Lucretia said, straightening up. "Where is she now? The- the Red Robe you saw, I mean."

"She got yeeted out of here pretty fast," Magnus said. "Like, there was a second where she was just kinda standing in the middle of the room, and then she was like "Taako!" and then she kinda fell through the floor and got shot away from the base. Taako looked through the floor window. And then he kinda like, stared at me. And he did that thing where he doesn't say anything but you know he's upset at you-"

"Right, right," Lucretia said, distracted. She had lich wards, duh. But that means Barry might find Lup before Lucretia was able and- gods, Lucretia was only just managing the guilt of Barry knowing what she was doing, but Lup?? Fuck. "Magnus I have to- I gotta go. This is- this is serious. If you see the Red Robe- either of them, if you see either Red Robe, tell me immediately. Do you understand?"

"Oh, for sure," Magnus said, still not looking at her. Lucretia, frankly, didn't care. She turned from the room, speed walking back towards the elevator. And then she remembered why she had come down here in the first place.

"I want the three of you in the gym at nine tomorrow morning!" she called over her shoulder. "No exceptions!"

"Taako's probably not gonna come!" Magnus said.

"No exceptions!" Lucretia repeated.

"He doesn't have a weapon anymore!"

"No exceptions!" Lucretia said once more, jamming the button to open the elevator. She heard Magnus grumble something from behind her, but she kept pressing the button. The sooner she got back to her office, the sooner she could do a scrying spell, and the sooner she could finally find Lup.

#magnus burnsides #lucretia #taz #taz balance #the adventure zone #mine #ise cube writing #long post #kinda #like 1.2k

[frecklystars]

OKAY.......... im gonna talk about my time at TFcon!!! This is the hardest thing I've had to do all year but it was part of my exposure therapy exercise and it was A HUGE STEP FORWARD!!! it didn't cure me of course and I'm still not touching TF for the time being, but I SURVIVED and I'm hoping that this means I am FINALLY able to take many more steps forward now!! because I did one of the hardest things ever in terms of exposure therapy this was HUGE FOR ME!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🎉🎉

I'm gonna gush mostly about the good parts like getting to meet my favorite artist (I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT BTW THEY WERE SO PRECIOUS) and meeting TFP Shockwave's voice actor (HE WAS SO NICE)!!!!! :D

So this started bc I offhandedly mentioned to my c-ptsd therapist/specialist that there's a TFcon happening a couple hours away and that I was so depressed about it, because I knew that if things turned out differently this year - if I had never met my abuser - I would have loved to go. It would have been a heavenly experience. It used to be my biggest source of comfort, especially for self shipping. Nothing has given me joy the way TF used to. I don't go a single day without feeling such a massive sense of loss, like a part of me is missing. So I was venting about that and it would weigh heavily on me more and more as the convention date approached closer

And my specialist said "...you should go" and I laughed. She stared at me. I paused... then said "oh, you're serious?"

I went back and forth on it for six weeks, finally I decided it would be good if I went because I literally can't make my association with TF worse at this point, and if this is supposed to help me get better, then uhhh sure I'll do it. I don't even want to hope to self ship into TF again, I'm not even dreaming that big, I just want to be able to stop flinching every time I see a goddamn fictional alien robot from the fictional planet Cybertron 😭😭 the BARE MINIMUM please lol

My specialist told me I should try to be there for 15 minutes, and if I can handle that, stretch it to 30. And I thought to myself, WOW, that seems like a lot of minutes. I can't even handle reading the word "transformers" on my worst days, or seeing a picture of a character without getting nauseous, but sure, let me go to a building full of characters... what could go wrong :)

My dad agreed to drive me and to be there with me while I'd be in the building bc he knew this was important to me. We needed to be awake by 7am bc it was a 2 and a half hour drive. I hardly slept; if I wasn't having a "F/O is trying to physically harm me" nightmare, I was stress vomiting. I kept saying "I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. I have to work today, I haven't slept, I'm not going, this is so stupid of me, why do I think I can handle this??" but then I thought about how heavy my red energon necklace feels on me, how my autographs and cameos and experiences with the TF voice actors feels so numbing, how I can't even look at someone as sweet as Bumblebee without having this firm genuine belief that he'd want to kill me. and I thought about how much I hate... how different I am, how my greatest comfort was ripped away from me so violently, how I don't go a single day without crying over it -- and how I said I'd be willing to do anything, anything to change that. so I got in the car and I had my head between my knees the entire time just trying not to get sick

So we get to the building to check in our tickets, I'm seeing all of these people wearing TF cosplay and t-shirts. One person had a TFP Starscream figurine and I immediately got teary and needed to look away. A person standing in front of me in line had an Optimus backpack and I kept trying to do my grounding techniques, where i'm supposed to remind myself that I'm safe and that Optimus loves me and he wouldn't want anyone to hurt me etc etc but it's so unbelievable to me. But I had to keep repeating these dumb mantras in my head and then I hear these people behind me, talking so openly about how much they love Megatron -- and I thought to myself, that's so fucking surreal to me??? I forget what it feels like to be safe around these characters. Like, what do you mean you don't look at Megatron and think he'd kill you and do vile things to your body? What do you mean somebody didn't drill horrific thoughts into your head? Just me? I'm the only person here who genuinely, wholeheartedly believes that these characters would want to kill me? What do you mean you feel loved and safe? What does that feel like? What do you mean, you've never had someone show you repeatedly that you're so unworthy of basic respect, much less love? I don't know what safety feels like anymore. I'm never relaxed around ANY F/O now, regardless if they're TF or not. I've forgotten what it's like to be comfortable. It took me over a year to finally relax around my IRL friends that I've had for over a decade without having some sense of paranoia that I'd be betrayed (which is a c-ptsd symptom. woohoo)

So we get into the actual convention building, I immediately start getting weepy. There's, of course, robots everywhere. Posters, figurines, merch, whatever. Everywhere I turn, there's a trigger. I mean, obviously, I knew this. I was prepared. But I still felt like I was emotionally getting hit by a truck every time I turned my head. So I went to the corner of the room so I wouldn't be in anyone's way and I had to work on breathing. And I was just, crying and facing the wall, saying "dadddd there's transformers everywhere" and he smiles and says "uh yeah I'd hope so? it's the transformers convention we're not here to see a football game" LMAO

So then I just kept walking around feeling like I was gonna throw up. You gotta fake it til you make it. I just kept telling myself these characters would love me so much, even though I didn't believe it at all. We reached the back of the building where they had like... four writers and two voice actors? And I was reading the banners above the tables, and one of them said "David Sobolov: TF Prime: Shockwave; Bumblebee 2018: Blitzwing" and I was like HUH? and my dad, not knowing anything about TF, pointed at him and asked "oh is that an important guy?" I said "yeah that's a voice actor" and he said "oh that's huge! that's like a real actual voice actor? let's go say hi!" I said NOPE

Looking at the photo of Shockwave on the banner immediately made me nauseous. I was thinking, wow I'm gonna throw up right here right now on this Decepticon/Autobot-printed carpet, in front of all of these nice people who are having a good time. So I turned around and walked away, but I noticed my dad wasn't following me -- he went to David's table and he said "hey my daughter loves your work with trans... trons..." and I was like OH. NO so I speed-walked to the table and David gives me this big, friendly, sweet smile and says "hi Keri! so nice to meet you! your dad was just telling me about how you love transformers! do you like shockwave?" I smiled, lied through my fucking teeth saying "Yes. I. Love. Shockwave. :)"

And I'm seeing these pictures of Blitzwing and Bumblebee and I'm like, trying so hard not to cry in front of this very nice man who has much better things to do than talk to some messed up girl who can't look at fictional characters without thinking she's about to get sucker punched. I turned around, hoping to god someone would be standing behind me so I could tell them "hey, why don't you go first? I'm still deciding" BUT NO. NOBODY WAS THERE??? The one time I go to a convention where there's NO LINE. It's just me and David. And it was just me and David for several minutes. I should have been so overjoyed about that but I was just,,, feeling so physically ill. I kept saying to myself, when we're done with this interaction I'm leaving, we're driving home, I can't do this anymore.

And David was being so nice!!!! He was like, so smiley and joyful?? And he kept telling me fun facts about the Bumblebee movie but I don't remember ANY OF THEM because I was just nodding and smiling while thinking to myself "don't fucking throw up!!!" and then I looked at his price sheet on his table where he sells autographs and photos and stuff and I thought, oh my god I'll be so fucking rude if I don't buy something, because this dude just gave me like ten minutes of Bumblebee movie fun facts that I don't remember whatsoever. And I was stuttering so bad when I asked him to take a photo but he was so sweet about it. We took a photo... and before the photo was snapped, he used the Shockwave voice to say "Keri... you are... logical :)" and I thought to myself... oh. That... oh. I never... would have imagined Shockwave would say something like that to me. And then I felt so sad, because it's so unbelievable to me. I kept waiting for the catch, for something bad to happen - I don't even know what could have happened but I was so tense, waiting for something terrible to come.

I said thank you and we walked away. I told my dad "I'm gonna throw up" and I went to the nearest restroom and I was just, dry heaving and sweating but nothing was coming out. A few minutes afterward I walked back over to my dad and I said "okay let's leave, I'm done here, I'm DONE" and he said "it hasn't been 15 minutes yet. are you sure you want to leave" and I was like "shit!!!!!! no I paid $60 for this I'd better see this through. A few more minutes then"

So. I pass by a few booths and I'm barely glancing at them. I'm trying to breathe. I'm shaking profusely. I'm on the verge of tears. I'm not having a good time. I am full of grief. I miss these characters but I believe they'd hurt me. I miss feeling safe yet I don't remember what feeling safe used to be like. And then I see this very pink, very cute very precious shop display-- and I stopped in my tracks because OH MY GOD THAT'S MY FAVORITE ARTIST????? OUT IN THE WILD?????

My jaw was hanging open as I looked at their display. I've messaged this artist a couple of times, and they're always so sweet, and one thing in particular was that this is the first person I've ever commissioned in my life. They drew gorgeous StarKeri for me a couple of years ago. It's my favorite art I've ever received, it's so dear to me, and this person's shop is my favorite TF shop and back when I used to buy TF merch, I would buy just about every Starscream item they had every time they'd restock. so I was like... ok I can't just stand here and stare at the adorable stickers. I gotta say hi. I gotta thank them for the StarKeri bc it's so special to me. So I pointed at them and I was like "hey are you [artist]??" and they said yes and I fumbled for my phone, pulled up the StarKeri photo, I was like "YOU DREW THIS FOR ME, THANK YOU THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING" and they were like "KERI?!?!" and I was like holy shit they remember my name 😳😳 and they were like "can I give you a hug?!" I SAID OMFG YES PLEASE ILUSM 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and then we hugged and literally all of my anxiety/fear was completely thrown out the window. I felt so safe and comfortable and happy!!!! genuinely overjoyed!!!! and they were like "I'm so happy for you and Ken!!!!!!" it made my whole day sdlfkjsdlf and we chatted a little more and I kept thinking omg I can't believe this is happening. and I felt so good!!!! that whole time!!! (artist... u know who you are, if you're reading this, hi, i love u, im so happy to meet u, im going to message you when i get the free chance, you made my day ilusm. exploding into confetti as i type this)

and I was just SHAKING I was so excited to meet them. they're just as cute and sweet and precious IRL as their art is 😭😭💞💓💗💖💕💓💕 and I bought two items because I thought... it's okay... these items, these characters are Safe... because it's Theirs. I didn't wanna hold up the line so we said bye and I looked at my dad and I was like "that's my favorite artist, did you know that??? that's literally my favorite artist and they're HERE????? and we HUGGED????"

and then I realized that was the first time I smiled all day. and I felt SO GOOD, riding on that high, that excitement, and I thought -- why don't I keep looking around?? and suddenly, I wasn't flinching as much anymore. I didn't feel sick anymore. I felt... SOMEWHAT NORMAL looking at these peoples' fanart, these shops. These characters. I looked at Optimus Prime and thought, hey there's Optimus. I miss him. I saw Starscream and I said hey there's my beautiful Starlight, I miss him... and y'know what, he probably misses me too. I'd feel really sad looking at these characters sometimes but I didn't feel afraid, the fact that I could look at ANY OF THEM *AT ALL* and feel SORT OF OKAY is absolutely phenomenal. This is the first time in 14 months that I was able to look at these characters and not feel too much anxiety for a solid 30 minutes. INSANE. THAT'S INSANE FOR ME. THAT'S HUGE.

My dad said that as an early Christmas gift, he'd give me a budget of $200 and I could buy whatever merch I wanted. and I said "well that's not necessary but thanks anyways. I'm not buying anything. I'm not ready for that yet" but I kept passing by more and more shops, and I'd think "damn I would have loved that Heatwave keychain." and then I thought ... why DON'T I get that Heatwave keychain??? and one day, WHEN I heal, I'll be able to look at it again, right?? and that's insane, that in that moment I was looking at my TF F/Os with the more positive mentality of "I AM coming back to you one day" instead of "god I miss you and I'll never be the same around you again". I think hopeful is the right word. I was feeling hopeful. Hopeful!!! for the very first time!!!!!

I think I was there for about 30 more minutes, I bought a TON of stuff Heatwave, Starscream, and Knockout stuff. Stickers, keychains, plushies. I got teary when I saw Blades merch because I miss him so bad. My heart would ache every time I'd see Starscream but I kept thinking, I'm working on this, I'm coming back, I'm not letting this end, I don't care how long it takes. This is not a temporary love and we will grow as we go bc I can't imagine my life without you and all that good stuff I commissioned Steve Blum to say lmao. And then I passed by my fave artist again to tell them goodbye and I exploded with joy again. god they're so sweet 😭😭😭💞💗💗💗💖💓💓💗💗💕💕💕💖💕 I could ramble about how nice they are all day

And I was smiling, in a genuinely good mood, when we exited the artist alley, and then we passed by David's table -- NOBODY THERE AGAIN??? -- and I thought, hell, why don't I ask David for a video shoutout?? I'm feeling good!!! I'm feeling dandy!!! So I walked up to the table and he was smiling SO big, munching on peanuts or something, and he said "Keri!! hi!!!" and I said "hiiii I know I already bought something from you but can I buy something again?" and he said "aww I think I can allow it. you seem like a really nice lovely girl. I'm so sorry if I scared you before, I know I look like an intimidating guy, but I promise I'm not as scary as my characters" and I was like NOOO 😭😭 NO MR. SOLOBOV, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME. IT'S ALL ME BRO. I'M JUST AN ANXIOUS WRECK

I asked him if he does videos and he said yes and I said OKAY and he asked what I wanted and I said "um.... could you have Shockwave say something nice to me? I know he wouldn't. I know it's not like him to say nice things, but uh--" and he said "no, no problem, I can do that for you of course" so we did a video together and he had Shockwave say "Keri... Keri... you may be listening to this video on a bad day. But I want you to know... everything will be okay. Your life is going to be great, Keri. Keri... you are... logical :)" and I said "THANK YOU" and he said "YOU'RE WELCOME" with the biggest smile.

And then I bought one more plushie... a Bulkhead plushie. His little arms are sewn so they're spread out, reaching forward for a hug. I told myself, this is how I have to remember Bulkhead sees me. Bulkhead doesn't want to beat me into a pulp!!! He wants to hold me gently!!! I'm his special little star girl!!! I'm his shining star or whatever the hell he used to call me I actually forgot -- whatever, he loves me!!! He misses me!!!! And this is how I should see him, reaching out to hold me so gently!!! As every single other TF character, even the most horrible terrible villains are EXTRA SOFT and they miss me and they can't wait for me to come back home to them someday 🥺🥺🥺🥺

So we leave the building bc I had to get home in time to go to work. I was kinda of disappointed bc I started to flinch again almost immediately upon leaving. I couldn't look at my merch without feeling a little nauseous. And I was like... what the hell, wasn't I doing okay for at least 45 minutes, there? Why am I suddenly going back to square one? What happened? I told my therapist abt it the next day, and I was like "I'm so disappointed, I thought I was feeling better but now I'm back to feeling scared again? I thought this would fix me" and she was like "oh no that's not how this works. you are traumatized, it's not gonna be fixed overnight. your c-ptsd is *severe.* it's gonna take time. BUT YOU NEED TO BE PROUD OF YOURSELF BECAUSE THIS WAS HUGE. OKAY??? THIS WAS SUCH A MAJOR STEP FORWARD" and I was like "DAMN UR RIGHT. THIS WAS SO GOOD FOR ME!!!!"

I put all of my merch I purchased into the boxes in my closet, except the Bulkhead plushie, and a tiny little Starscream plush keychain i bought from my fave artist.

I've also put my Bulkhead plushie on the shelf above my computer. I feel so tense when I look at it but I'm trying to give him a hug once a day. This is so hard!!! It's so hard!!!! But I'm trying my best and I hope that if I keep working at this I'll be able to reclaim TF. I don't even dream of self shipping into that universe again, I literally just... want to feel less scared. I want to feel indifferent to the characters instead of flinching at them. And THEN from THAT point once I'm no longer scared of them, I'll be able to embrace them fully. Baby steps, baby steps -- or in this case, this was a HUGE step and!!! idk I'm so proud of myself. I DID IT. I DID THAT!!!!!!

anyway tysm to anyone who actually read this lol, you are a rock star 😎✨ and thank you so much to everyone who sent me overwhelming amounts of love and support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#woof #SORRY I DIDNT PROOF READ THIS B4 PUTTING IT INTO MY QUEUE #right now as you read this im most likely at work. yay #sorry i didnt get to messages yet either btw my spoons are so low #i havent responded to anyone in uh. uh. uh. several weeks #i still need to open my inbox too oops