#idk i just wanted to do something

[oaky-dokey]

#idk i just wanted to do something

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[shay-creates]

Apparently, my decision to be silly and make fanart of someone's writing (because I genuinely enjoy the story the person is writing and I was struck with inspiration upon reading a particular scene) has benevolent and wildly unforeseen consequences.

I apparently gained a bit of control of the canon because said writer really loved the art and decided what I drew/draw is canon.

2. Writer put said artwork into the document of his story right below the scene, so now it's IN the story where people who read the story will see it (with a link to me)

3. He sent the artwork to all his friends and people he knows because he was so excited

Wholesome interaction and I watched him do all that in real time, good stuff. However...there are two more consequences I was notified of today...nearly a full week after I gave the artwork.

Seeing the artwork caused his friends to become interested in reading and hearing about his story, which means more people are reading what he's writing and giving him critique on the story (which he actively asks for).

Apparently, upon seeing the art, his writer friends got a sudden second wind to pick back up writing they'd abandoned for a few months. Because, I quote, "seeing that someone enjoyed {his} writing enough to take the time to make art of it gave them the motivation that maybe THEY can write something that will inspire someone to also create something." I have accidentally caused a writing frenzy among his writer friends and my silly idea to make art for someone has had a butterfly effect for people who I don't even know.

Uhh...I'm pretty sure there's a moral here but I am tired and have a great deal of emotions about this.

#shay speaks #crying and screaming #I was not intending this! I just wanted to be nice to someone and show my appreciation for their work! #make someone's day by giving them a personalized gift #maybe make them cry a bit in joy or something (because he said he would if I went through with making art for him and he knew my goals) #This is the silliest thing to happen from me making art and idk what to do with this information #positivity

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

a couple scribbles i cleaned up. also i think i like drawing him in varying states of distress

#i desperately want to know what happened the first time he cried #actually is that something he can do? is he capable of it? #i feel like he wouldn't like it... #since crying is messy and we all know he enjoys/values his appearance greatly #i mean cmon. its an involuntary loss of composure. and especially if he doesnt understand what/why its happening #so in my mind rn hed be idk... kinda desperate to stop crying & act fine? #HES SO FASCINATING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM <3 #many things probably! #what to do when you're a puppet created as a blank slate while everyone around you already Knows Shit and Understands Feelings #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #welcome home wally #wally darling #i know there's a lot of Head Empty jokes abt him #but honestly he gives the vibes of thinking constantly #always absorbing information and considering and learning and Forming Opinions #he LOOKS head empty. but he isnt. #i just cant imagine him never not Thinking #unless he really is head empty in which case. good for him. i support him no matter what. hes just like me<3

[mienar]

remnants of where we have been

instagram | shop | commission info

#artists on tumblr #animated illustration #animated gif #digital art #2d animation #environment art #environment illustration #backgrounds #background illustration #art backgrounds #night sky #constellation #cozy #myillust #hellooo! just wanted to drop by and share this piece with you! #there were a combination of ideas here: i wanted to do a glowing cityscape of its city lights and have it softly blur into the night sky #the title is also a big description for this i guess - 'remnants of where we have been' is like how the city lights were where humans were #the clutter around the character shows the remnants or the past of what they did #the map-like contours of the skies are like where the stars have travelled #idk i guess it's something that i think about often and it makes my heart ache sometimes;; #anyways! i really hope you'll like this! thank you so much for reading through this if you have and for your support as always c':

[welcometogrouchland]

ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)

#dc comics #batfamily #damian wayne #stephanie brown #dick grayson #talia al ghul #duke thomas #cassandra cain #mine #woo new art tag. please god let me keep this up all year #uhh anyway yeah! still a big backlog of sketches but i got burnt out which means i had time to collect some #i feel like my art looks. extremely different w/o lines compared to with? idk i worry that's it weird/off-putting #but hey at the end of the day I'm hardly worrying about my brand integrity on tumblr dot com #duke and cass being at poetry club is based on them canonically being into poetry and for a good while duke and jason got along well #Steph is there for both jason and cass' emotional support (unfortunately there's a design flaw. she can't do both simultaneously) #(which is fine bc cass is fleeing the scene at the idea of having to casually hang out with jason) #(they're the exact amount of similar and more importantly different that it's like putting two firecrackers together. bad) #i really like the steph mask designs... it'd be fun to do something with them but idk what y'know? #I'm just like. if we're assuming that her mask has to be different from both babs and cass then this is what I've got as alternatives #i mostly wanted to practice character interaction with the talia and damian one... and also i love them #looking at james gunns batman movie proposal. you keep your hands OFF HER MR GUNN #please if shes evil in a movie they're never gonna let her be good in the comics again 😭 #dc when you inevitably cave and do your next big reboot let the ppl finally have the son of the demon origin (w/ tweaks of course) #idk it's canon in my heart. heartcanon if you will <3 #anyway yeah uhhhhhh enjoy?

[lucabyte]

Taking pride in One's own appearance.

#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at #also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat. #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #in stars and time spoilers #isat fanart #in stars and time fanart #isat siffrin #isat loop #sifloop #doodlebyte #'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance... #you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral #anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn #sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town #i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming #id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country #plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure #all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities #and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this #which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match. #and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc. #just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it

[robotpussy]

#polls #personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention #in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying #fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations? #i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum #like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying #'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful.... #but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show?? #like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless #im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival #i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭 #fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something! #this goes for anything. music film tv books....

[taxinealkaloids]

kill your darling, it's just that easy!

#tlt #my art #i reblogged these outfits the other day that were giving me big ianthe & naberius vibes so i wanted to draw something with them #got really funky w/ this one! i just wanted to play around i havent had the chance to draw in a while #so i just kinda let myself do whatever w/ the colors and art style and everything #idk how i feel about it but it was fun #anyway ive seen some posts suggesting that ianthe somehow cheated the system by sacrificing naberius and like... #no she absolutely did not? she paid that price exactly by the book (making her one of the few to actually do so) #and now she suffers forever for it :) #oh the line on top is a quote from the book and the caption is a lyric from 'kill your darling' by cloudy june #(which aside from that one line is not at all a ianthe&naberius song lmao)

[darqx]

Aren't you tired of being nice?

#boyfriend to death #art #idk man i just wanted to draw the whole fire backlight look again #tho the problem with colouring like this is you lose a lot of detail at the front lol #he didnt start the fire 🎶 #it was always burning 🎶 #first thing i've properly drawn in about a month \o/ #august was a bit of a clusterfuck for me for multiple reasons #on a side note i do have a bunch of asks ive been meaning to answer since months ago so theyre coming at some point #...i forgot...his sunglasses #just pretend he has them in a pocket or something

[thelostpretzel]

magic potions from vending machine

#heroes of the city #these are actually my OCs as drinks #but i have no energy to mumble about them #but i ah so want to do so #eh #im just tired as fuck #original character #or something idk #potion #fantasy #high tech fantasy

[t1oui]

“i’m going to marry you someday,” james says, running his fingers through regulus’s curls. regulus smiles, his ear pressed to james’s heart.

“yeah?” he asks. “when?”

“as soon as you graduate.” james’s heartbeat stays steady, like this is a regular conversation on a regular night.

“yeah?” regulus asks, glancing up, meeting james’s eyes. his eyes are gray like a storm, and they’re so, so beautiful. “how?”

james smiles. “in the fields behind my parents’ house,” he says. “in summer. we’ll have everybody there — sirius and moony and peter and the girls, and all your friends, too. it’ll be perfect.”

regulus settles his head on james’s chest again. “you have this all planned out, don’t you?” he asks. james stares up at the sky, searching and finally locating regulus’s star. his star.

“of course i do,” he says. i love you, he almost says, but he leaves that for another night.

~

“i’m going to marry you someday,” james says, pulling regulus closer. his laugh lights up james’s world.

“tell me about it,” regulus says, intertwining their fingers.

“we’ll dance like this,” james says, placing his hand on regulus’s waist. “all night. with everybody, all our friends. and we won’t get tired.”

regulus laughs again. his eyes are closed, and he’s pressed his cheek to james’s chest. “how will we manage that?” he asks.

james thinks for a moment, still swaying them back and forth across the floor of the astronomy tower. he’s never been good at multitasking.

“potions,” james decides. “and firewhiskey, probably.”

“mm,” regulus hums. “i won’t drink any.”

“no?”

“no.” he pulls back, opening his eyes, and smiles up at james, gray eyes twinkling. “i want to remember every second of it.”

~

“i’m going to marry you someday,” james whispers, trying to ignore the way his voice cracks. “and then i’ll get you out of here.”

regulus gives him a weak smile and scoots closer, turning around and pressing his back to james’s chest.

“tell me where we’ll go,” he says quietly. “when we run away.”

james swallows thickly, glances down at the mark on regulus’s forearm.

“away,” he says. “where they can’t hurt us.”

where i’m free, he doesn’t say, from you.

~

“i wish i was a coward,” james says, his eyes fixed on the sky. on that star — not his, after all. he looks away, but it doesn’t matter. tears cloud his vision. “i wish i didn’t have to run away from you.”

there’s no response. he’s not surprised. there’s nothing for the headstone to say anyway. james bites back a sob, wiping the tears away just in time for more to appear.

“i wish i didn’t have to run away,” he says, setting the ring down in the grass, “but i’m not sorry i left.”

#idk what this is #sorry? #i just felt like doing something angsty #i want it to seem like regulus might’ve never loved james idk if that comes across #hp fandom #harry potter fandom #hp #marauders era #jegulus #james potter x regulus black #james potter #regulus black #sunseeker #starchaser

[cookiesandcantarella-art]

And as she wept before the grave, the first buds of the Woundtree stretched out around her and formed a bower to shelter her from the falling rain.

It’s tragic, it’s compelling. People understand it, they sympathise with it. It keeps us safe.

I hate her, quite a lot.

Everyone go listen to @thesiltverses NOW. i love Paige so much its not even funny

[ID: fanart of Paige Duplass from the Silt Verses kneeling with tree roots growing from her skin. Paige is a thin white woman with long, straight brown hair and brown eyes. She is nude with her hands twisted in the air above her head. Roots protrude from her flesh, tangling and twisting around her. White crocus flowers bloom from her mouth and one of her eyes, and the flowers frame her silhouette. She looks towards the camera with one anguished eye, a bloody tear gouged into the skin underneath. Where the roots touch her skin, her flesh is marked by deep, bloody wounds. End ID]

#tsv #the silt verses #paige duplass #tsv paige #wanted to do something that shows like. the objectification of paige as she becomes an idea #very sad i wanted her to be visibly trans because i LOVE LOVE LOVE that paige is trans #but also i didnt want this to be too revealing #so idk just know she has surgery scars under those roots #my art #lea draws #blood #gore #body horror #ask to tag

[wis-art]

little comic i made based on this ask @scyrus42 sent me

#sketch #doodle #comic #lucy #wiki #lesbian #my art #art #artists on tumblr #cute #idk i always wanted to do something ask blog adjacent #+very fun prompt i had lots of fun drawing it #sorry for little art lately i have not been doing that good #i am now on mood stabilizer meds hehe #demongirl #angel #hehe #sapphic #sapphic art #none of the options fit so i just doodled out this little comic about them

[chrisbangs]

찬이의 "방" 🐺 200 Episode Special

200! 

I looked back at the message I wrote for you almost 2 years ago now, to see what I said. And honestly, I have to agree with past me. It doesn’t feel like that much time has passed since the first day you showed up on VLive and spoke to us so kind and warmly. 200 episodes later, and well now on YouTube, and you are still doing just that. Week after week, being there for us to cheer us up with your laughter and your jokes and your advice and your terrible pick up lines. I still have nothing in my heart but gratitude towards you, Channie. Thank you for continuing to be the most amazing person ever. 

Let’s meet each other again next week, okay?

#chan #bang chan #stray kids #skz #cb97net #createskz #*gifs #*m #long post #찬이의 “방” 🐺 #i dont even think this will do well but.. i made it with a migraine and did all the gifs in one day lol #i just wanted to do something special because fo how much he means to me #i dont even post or come on here anymore but #i love him so much #he's literally my safe place... my soulmate #and idk where id be without him.. #thank you chan... #thank you always

[b4kuch1n]

same teacher, different lessons

transcript

#sonic the hedgehog #dr. ivo eggman robotnik #miles tails prower #sonic frontiers #SPOILERS. THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS COMIC BY THE WAY. #SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS #smiles gently I can not believe I let sonic the fuckign hedgehog ruin my life #(I can I totally can) #hi <3 if you follow me because I drew this sonic comic. don't! #don't do it! follow me bc I'm funny and hot and devastatingly smart don't follow me bc I draw sonic stuff. bc it won;t happen again #I mean it. not bc I dont like or want to do sonic stuff. but bc I am literally in the middle of a job rn #one that I want to invest 100% of my time and brain in #this comic is actually an effort to win my brain back so I can do my job lol #because I finished miss penny snapcube's streams of this game and it force fed me emotions #I just! I just thought sonic would come tell eggman abt sage!! idk seems like something he'd do!!! #and also the whole thing abt letting the characters move on and have a future and change and develop #vs Killing My Baby Little Guy Daughter For Like Ten Minutes #thematically interesting! also for some reasons I had. a pretty easy time drawing this #I was mouthbreathing galloping like a horse to finishing this. Because I Need To Work #I didnt expect to have a good time with these designs tho idk why. probably bc I most suck shit at drawing animals #but to be fair yet again sonic and tails are little guys. theyre animal but theyre also like dudes. also sonic's design is kinda perfect #as far as character design goes he's really pretty goo- wait I made a continuity error hol on #okay. okay I fixed it. no problem. no matter 's all good now #okay. I go sleep now. today has been very noisy. but this actually got me through it okay #thank you sonic the hedgehog. that was pretty cool of u #have a good night guys! absolute freedom is probably really really sad #long post