#idk ignore me I just think like. not enough people care about the violence done to women and children in emh and nobody wants to give it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gardenofnoah · 1 year

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part one: you’ve been running behind, i’m afraid you’re too late

wc: 5.7K chapter tags: MDNI, dark content (domestic abuse/physical abuse within a romantic relationship (not between reader and shinsou), general violence, nonconsensual quirk use??, graphic descriptions of injuries), ptsd, healing and forgiveness, undefined relationship between reader and shinsou, gn reader (no pronouns), pet names (“angel”, “baby”), probably inaccurate description of shinsou’s quirk idk

Kyoji was good to you. He was older, he was handsome–he exuded a confidence that you’d not yet been privy to. He spoiled you, really–with gifts and dinners and glimpses into a lifestyle that your young naivety latched onto–you liked him for that. You were taken by his charm, and how he always knew exactly what to say.

The very things you adored seemed to turn to sharpened weapons that nicked at your skin. But he was careful not to draw blood until he knew he had you.

You’d met at UA, you in your second year and he in his last. You were inseparable from the start–you hung off his arm like a little trophy he could carry around. What he’d ever done to earn that, you’ve no idea now.

Hitoshi had been weary of him from the start.

“I don’t know, angel,” he told you, sprawled across your extra long twin bed while you did your hair in the little mirror that sat on your desk. “He seems a little…” pausing between words, treading carefully, “off.”

You’d gotten angry with him at that. You told him that he just didn’t like that you were happy and not hanging out with him–that he was only jealous that he couldn’t follow you like a lost puppy anymore. Your words had very clearly wounded him, but he recovered before you could think too much of it–the hurt bleeding back into his practiced indifference.

“Just be careful, okay?” he asked quietly as you all but tossed him out of your dorm. “Call me if you need anything.”

You’d brushed it off, along with everyone else's thinly-veiled warnings, and continued to see Kyoji. Things were going well enough–he graduated and took you with him. There might have been something foreboding about it, but it was fleeting and you didn’t put up a fight–didn’t dig your heels in at all as he was picking up the boxes made up of everything you were before him and loading them into the back of his car. You completed your last year at UA from the bedroom of the apartment you were suddenly sharing–all tall ceilings and chrome appliances. All for show, sparking and without a sign of life–just how Kyoji pictured it. There wasn’t a sign of you anywhere–all of your boxes had ended up in a storage unit not far from UA. They hadn’t even made it the whole drive to the apartment–it hadn’t taken long at all for him to convince you that he could buy you things that were far nicer than what you had in them.

You still saw Hitoshi, but your interactions were rare. If he caught wind that you were on campus for any reason, he’d seek you out–joyfully ignoring the cold shoulder you usually tried to give him. He’d loop an arm around your neck, laughing at the way you bristled at his touch. You pretended not to notice how forced it was–how he raked his eyes over you, searching for something you didn’t want him to see. Both of you caught in a bizarre performance of make believe in front of your other friends, who all regarded you with the same, thinly-veiled apprehension. Scanning for something that wasn’t yet there, but that surely would be. All of you a group of dangling marionettes, creaking clumsily toward the final act.

Kyoji didn’t like Hitoshi. He’d made that clear from the beginning. He thought that your relationship with the purple-haired hero was strange, going so far as to tell you that Hitoshi was “toxic”– someone who was “isolating you from the people who cared for you”. The fact that Hitoshi behaved like he did–mostly aloof, eager to wound with his quick tongue–made it an easy sell, despite him only ever regarding you with a gentle fondness. Kyoji stressed that he was only worried, because clearly Hitoshi had manipulated you into some semblance of friendship with him–one that was surely only transactional to him. It had always been clear, to Kyoji–who was wiser and older and only ever wanted the best for you–so you let him steer you away from Hitoshi. You closed your eyes when he turned you away from your other friends, too–letting him take the wheel. He knew better than you did, you were sure.

Now you know it was bullshit, but you were in love, supposedly–you believed him because you had no reason to doubt him. And he loved you–he told you so, in all of his elaborate, and often very public, displays of affection. Each overblown effort made you uncomfortable, but he’d gone through so much trouble–and made sure you were aware of it. So you let him love you like that, even if it left you feeling a little hollow.

You scoff at the memory, now. Curled up in the corner, locked in your bedroom. Bruised and weak, you reach for your phone on the floor next to you. You scroll until you find his name.

He watches your face pop up on his phone on the coffee table. Half asleep, he reaches to pause the movie he’d been watching, and presses the green button by your name.

“Hi, angel.” he murmurs through a yawn.

“Hitoshi,” you croak, and he’s upright immediately. By your tone, he knows you’re not safe. He curses himself for not catching this sooner–he should have known that things had gotten worse when you stopped answering his texts a few weeks ago. He’d given you space, hoping that time show you what kind of person Kyoji really was, but it’s apparent now that it only served to isolate you further. He’s made up his mind, though–the gears in his brain slip into place automatically, and he won’t let himself feel remorse over what he’s about to do–not yet, anyway. He’ll ask his questions–give you the chance to lie to him, like he knows you will–but he’s already decided. He hopes that you won’t hate him for it.

“What’s going on?”

“Just–” a sharp intake of breath, like it hurts you, “so tired. I’m so tired of this.”

He takes a breath himself–deep and rattling in his chest, pleading with himself to keep a level head. He needs to, or he won’t be able to do this. He just needs to get you out–to get you somewhere safe. He squeezes his eyes shut, and pictures your reality–alone, hurt, and curled into yourself. He feels his pulse pick up, and tries to think of something else.

Questions be damned. He needs to do this now.

He says a quick, silent prayer to whomever is listening. To please let this work. To make you understand–to maybe forgive him, one day.

He steadies himself, and opens his eyes.

“Are you hurt?”

“Um–no, I don’t know, I–”

He’s flooded with pain, all at once. Sharp and radiating, in his eye and over his rib cage, and across his throat in a way that feels suspiciously like–

You were hurt, then.

He’s overwhelmed by the full range of your emotions, too, as intimately as if they were his–shock, at first. He jolts as you startle, like the lights have just flickered out during a heavy storm. He feels the moment the recognition hits you–when you realize what he’s done–and he feels it when you start to fight it.

“Please stop,” it’s a whispered plea that comes from him, into the receiver he keeps up to your ear. He hears your breath hitch.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” he says, and he’s moving now–already down the front steps and out the door.

It’s effort, like this–he wasn’t sure if he would even be able to use his quirk over the phone. He’d asked Aizawa about it, who eyed him for a long time before he’d answered simply, “You should really think about it.”

And he has, but he sees no other option. Hitoshi knows, very acutely, that he is hurting you– that he’s not doing a good thing right now. The thought of it turns in his stomach, but he can’t stop. Not until he knows you’re safe.

He envisions your body in his mind. It’s fuzzy, at best–the outline of you is warbled and distorted, but he can do this.

“We’re gonna move now, baby,” he rasps, suddenly fatigued by the exertion of keeping himself moving and keeping you in his grasp. Like a villain, he thinks, and promptly ignores.

He starts to move you and the feeling is nearly blinding–you’re in pain. His own rib cage seizes and it knocks the breath out of him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he tries to placate you, even though he knows it’s shallow, “We just need to get you standing. Can you do that for me?”

It’s stupid of him to try to ask anything of you right now, and he hears you echo the sentiment–you’re still fighting him, though not as valiantly as before. He can feel how exhausted you are, and it’s not your injuries that make his chest ache now.

He hurries past a gas station and realizes he’s closer to you than he thought. He hadn’t been paying attention, not really–hadn’t even bothered to disguise himself with more than his black hoodie pulled over his head. He hears voices to his right and realizes that he really didn’t think this through–that he could easily be caught off guard right now, with all of his focus on you. Driving wasn’t an option, though–it was dangerous enough just for him to try to walk and do this.

He catches himself trying to create distance in his mind. To call it this, instead of naming it. Because if he allows himself to recognize what he’s really doing to you, he won’t be able to keep you under his quirk, and he just needs to get you out–

He feels a bump to both knees, and he realizes that he’s gotten you up and moving. He sees the vague outline of your bedroom window, and thanks whatever god is up there that you live on the first floor. Now that he’s closer to you, your body is more in focus. He can manage like this.

He comes to a stop at a street corner, less than a block from your house. He takes a breath in, and focuses again.

“Okay angel,” he says, keeping his voice soft, “we need to get this open. I’m going to be gentle, but it’s still going to hurt.”

It does–immediately. Having to lift the window with one arm to keep the phone to your ear–the only way to keep up the connection–is putting too much strain on the fractures of your ribs. He feels you thrash in his mind, and he almost wishes he could hear your voice, just so you could scream at him. He wishes he could at least give you that.

All at once the pain is cut off and bleeds into something different. Panic, he recognizes. Hitoshi feels the adrenaline spike in your body and realizes he’s run out of time.

He needs to get you out now.

He takes off in a sprint toward the direction of your apartment. His hold on you falters, only for a second, but it makes you stumble. He feels his own fear spike.

“I’m coming,” he tells you, and it comes out like a plea, “I’m right there baby, just hold on–”

He hears the yelling as he rounds the corner. He sees you then, half way out the window, and he knows if he lets go of you now, you won’t make it out.

He feels a bruising pain wrap around his wrist, and he goes cold.

Hitoshi makes it to the window before he knows it and lets you go. He wraps his arms around your middle as you go limp, and when he looks up, he is face to face with the man who did this to you.

Kyoji, who is still crushing your wrist in his hand.

“What the fuck,” Hitoshi grinds out, and it is lethal when it leaves him, “are you doing?”

“What am I do–”

He doesn’t give Kyoji any time to give a real answer before he’s in his head. The fatigue is stifling, but his adrenaline fuels his quirk. The grip on your wrist falls slack. He pulls you the rest of the way out of the window, careful not to aggravate your ribs further. You whimper, not yet fully conscious, as he sets you down gently in the grass.

“Give me one second, angel,” he tells your limp form, brushing your hair back from your eyes.

He takes a step forward, as does Kyoji–rigid and clearly unwilling, but he moves despite himself, because he’s no longer in control. Through the window, Histoshi takes a long look at him, and feels nothing but contempt. He lets it bleed into the connection between them–feels only a white, hot anger coming from the man in his hold, and it makes him smile.

“You won’t make that mistake again.”

He watches from outside himself, then, as he leads Kyoji’s hands through the open window. Hitoshi feels nothing as he slams it down over his fingers. He lets the bastard go right as it connects.

Hitoshi hears the crunch of splintering bone, and only watches as his victim comes back to himself. Feels nothing as he watches him process what has just happened. And then, as a howl of pain breeches the silence, a sick part of him howls back—feeling more than a little justified.

He watches for a second more, and then turns his attention back to you. Still limp in the grass–whether you’re still unconscious or you’re pretending to be, he isn’t sure, but he couldn’t blame you if it was the latter. Hitoshi gathers you in his arms, and you don’t fight him. He wonders if you have any fight left.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, rubbing his cheek against your temple in some vain attempt at comfort as he walks, “I’m so sorry.”

Hitoshi is a nervous wreck.

He fumbles through his own kitchen like he’s never been in it before. He opens cabinets, closes them, and opens them again. He’s opened the fridge at least three times in the last five minutes, like something will be different each time he opens it.

He has no idea what to do with himself.

He comes to a stop, finally, in front of the counter and braces his hands against the cool stone. He lets his head hang and takes in a deep, shuddering breath through his nose. The only thing he can focus on is the knowledge that you are asleep in the next room.

He’d brought you in and set you on his bed, checking to make sure none of your injuries were life threatening. When he was satisfied that they were not, he turned on his heel and all but sprinted out of his room, closing the door as softly as he could behind him. Sleep wasn’t an option for him after that.

“Fuck,” he breathes, knuckles straining in their grip on the countertop. He was nothing if not cowardly.

He nearly comes out of his skin when his phone rings next to him. He spares it a glance, and feels his stomach lurch when he sees who it is. He hits the green button, and it’s not a second after that the voice on the other end lays into him.

“You fuckin’ idiot,” Bakugou seethes, “what did you do?”

Hitoshi has never experienced Bakugou as quiet as he is right now. The silence on the other end of the line stretches and expands like a living thing–it’s suffocating, but he allows it to drag on. He won’t be the one to break it.

He hears Bakugou sigh and lets out a breath of his own.

“The injuries–” he says finally, sounding tired in a way that Hitoshi hasn’t heard in a long time, “are they–”

“Not life threatening,” he grits, hearing the strain in his own voice, “I can take care of them here. But Bakugou–”

“I get it,” Bakugou cuts him off, gruff. For the first time in Hitoshi’s life, the constant of his harsh inflection is a comfort. “Was fuckin’ stupid, and you’re real lucky I was the one to respond. But I get it.”

Hitoshi says nothing. He can’t say anything. Bakugou sighs again, long and resigned.

“I’ll handle it,” he says finally, and Hitoshi can barely breathe, “Just take care of your shit.”

“I will,” he whispers, but Bakugou has already hung up.

He stares at the phone in his hand then, like it might come alive at any second. Now that he knows what he can do with it, he thinks he ought to throw it down and crush it under his heel.

His mind goes back to where it always does–to you. He knows that it’s a vile thing he’s done, and he doesn’t know how he’ll face you now. He just couldn’t stand the way your voice cracked every time you called–he isn’t too proud to admit that he was afraid. He’s responded to so many of these calls, and he knew of the few that heroes didn’t make it there in time–he doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost you like that. He couldn’t sit and wait for that to happen–that was never an option.

He sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. He tries to resign himself to what's coming when you wake up. Tries to tell himself that it will still be worth it if you hate him–and he knows that it is, because you’ll be alive. But he will be another man that you can no longer trust, and as much as he deserves that, he can’t stand it.

He swallows thickly, setting the phone down and pushing off the counter. He supposes he could at least make himself useful and get some food ready for you while you slept.

You don’t know how long you’ve been awake, but it feels like far too long.

Every jagged intake of breath rattles an ache through your rib cage. It shouldn’t feel like that, you think, but the thought fizzles out of your mind with the rest of them. It’s enough effort to force your lungs to inflate. You reach out a hand, slowly, ignoring the pain that radiates up your arm when you close your fingers around the sheets beneath you. They’re soft, and they’re not yours. But you knew that.

You don’t have the luxury of survivor’s amnesia. You remember everything.

You won’t cry. You wish you could, and you think it’d do you well–but to cry requires energy that you just don’t have. So you blink your eyes open through the sting, watching the fuzzy outline of the ceiling fan come into focus. It whirls around lazily, and it seems silly that it’s not doing much of any cooling, but you think that maybe Hitoshi couldn’t stand for things to be still when he put you there, so he turned it on.

Hitoshi.

You suck in a breath, gritting your teeth at the flash of pain. You feel it everywhere, and you are catapulted back into the feeling of your limbs moving against your will. It makes you want to curl into yourself, but you have a feeling you’d risk puncturing a lung if you did, so you lay there and let the feeling wash over you, pinning you to the bed.

You might be angry at him–you can’t be sure. You feel what could be anger, broadly, but you have a feeling that it’s true target is beyond Hitoshi, beyond Kyoji, beyond the way you’ve been rendered immobile more times than you care to count. You can’t reach it yet, but it is certainly there.

You know that your injuries are severe, but that they will heal. The physical ones, anyway. You don’t know how to go about healing what lurks beneath the surface–what’s been circling in the dark for years now. You’d reached a point about a month ago, when the verbal abuse became physical–a new place, one without much feeling at all–that had startled you at first. But you found it was better when you allowed yourself to lean into it–the physical pain from a throttled neck or a broken bone paled in comparison to the vast emptiness of the quiet void you could escape into. But the feelings come back, as you lay here, and you yearn for the dark nothing again. You know suddenly that it’s not the broken ribs keeping you here in this bed.

Despite every nerve in your body screaming at you to stop, you push yourself to a sitting position. It takes a while, and you have to twist like one of those wooden snake toys you had as a child. You feel your bones clink off one another similarly, and you breathe out something that sounds to you like a laugh. It’s ridiculous, the whole thing–to be reduced to something so fractured and still feel the need to stand up and keep going. It’s hard for you to see the merit in that right now, but you do it anyway.

Hitoshi nearly comes out of his skin for the second time that day when he sees you standing in the doorway out of the corner of his eye.

He looks at you and he knows he should stop, because he’s not in control of his face right now and he wants to be composed for you. But he is not, and he knows you can see it.

He can’t look away. There’s a bruise that spans from your cheekbone to your eyebrow that he’s fixated on, which feels like the safest place to look right now because he knows if he looks at the one across your throat, he will lose out to the animal growling in his chest. Knows he will walk out the door and not stop at Kyoji’s broken fingers.

He squeezes his eyes shut, taking in a deep breath. When he looks at you again, he can’t tell what you're feeling. You are more devoid of emotion than he’s ever seen you, and it scares him. He opens his mouth, because the tension is crushing him.

“I–”

“Overstepped.”

He blinks, unsure if he’s just hallucinated. It isn’t until he watches your mouth move around the words that he’s sure he didn’t.

“You overstepped,” you say again, flatly.

“I know,” and he does. He thinks that’s an understatement. “I’m sorry.”

He watches the corner of your lip curl into something he doesn’t recognize.

“You’re sorry.” You repeat him like you’ve never heard the words before. “What is it that you’re sorry for?”

“I know that I shouldn’t have used my quirk on you,” he says, too quickly, “I just knew that he hurt you and I was–”

“You were what?” the tone of your voice is a warning when you cut him off, “hoping to be the hero that saves the day? You were inside me–did you think that wouldn’t hurt me?”

“No–I know it did,” he hears the plea in his voice and hates it. He knows he has no right to ask you to hear him. Really, he shouldn’t say anything, but he keeps talking anyway. “I know it did, and I’m sorry, I just knew you needed help–”

You cut him off with a bitter laugh, and then a hiss, hands hovering over your abdomen like you’re trying to wave away the pain. He feels it in his own body, quirk or not.

“I never asked for your help, Hitoshi.”

He’s quiet then, feeling the phantom ache spread to his limbs. He knows you didn’t–it’s not often that abuse survivors do. It didn’t matter how close you were to him–you were out on that island alone, all the same.

“Would you have ever?”

You glare at him. You open your mouth and close it just as quickly–he hears your teeth clack together like you’re biting down on what you really want to say. He watches you think about it.

“No.”

He sighs, running a hand over his face. He knew the answer, but it’s not any less jarring to hear you say it.

“I didn’t feel like I had a choice,” he whispers, “I didn’t know what else to do.”

You let out a laugh–clipped and indignant. A knife, thrown right at him.

“You didn’t have a choice?” you snarl, and he wants to grab his words out of the air and swallow them, but he knows he’s too late. “You took over my body and you want to talk about choice?”

He can’t say anything. He watches the emotion flood you and knows it’s his doing.

“Jesus Christ,” you laugh, “did you ever consider asking me what I needed, before you did that? Or did you think that being a hero meant you knew better?”

It’s startling, how on the mark you are. The shame lumbers over him like a tidal wave– he’s never asked anyone what they needed, not really. He just acted. He was always just acting, never thinking first. Until now, the former made him a great hero.

“What I really need is for everyone to get their fucking hands off of me and to let me have the control that I deserve to have over my life.”

He can’t look at you, and he knows for that he is a coward. He knows that he has done something so unforgivable and he hates the way he wants to get on the ground and beg for your forgiveness anyway. He knows this is the part where you walk out of his house and never speak to him again. He considers telling you that he’ll call someone to come get you so you don’t have to stay here.

And that thought gives him pause, because there he goes again–deciding what’s best for you.

He wants to stop doing that. He’s been looking at you as a statistic, and that alone breaks his heart, because you are his best friend.

You are his best friend—the love of his life—and you are hurting right now.

So he gathers all of his resolve and meets your eyes. He tries very hard not to flinch away from the anger you pin him with when he asks, “what do you want to do right now?”

Your face twists with an emotion he doesn’t recognize for an instant, and then it’s gone, and there’s that blank, unfeeling look staring back at him. You sigh, and it surprises him when he hears it tremble.

“I–there’s blood. On me.”

“Yeah,” his voice is a whisper, “do you want to shower?”

You sag against the doorframe, like someone’s let go of your strings for the first time. He smothers the urge to go to you and hold you up himself.

“I don’t think I can stand,” you rasp, eyes shut tight.

“Can I run you a bath?” he asks gently, rising to his feet.

You nod tightly, watching him as he approaches you. He stops a foot in front of you, cautious.

“Can I help you to the bathroom?”

You eye him like you think it’s a trap, and it’s a twisted knife in his chest. But he doesn’t waver—he waits. He leaves room for a no.

He bites back the relieved sigh that wants to escape him when you reach for him.

It takes a minute to figure out how to support you without hurting your ribs. You settle for looping your arm through his, and he covers it with his other hand, careful of your wrist. He gets you to the bathroom and sits you on the toilet while he turns on the faucet.

“Hitoshi.”

He almost doesn’t hear you, over the water, but the shake of your voice has him whipping around, posturing to protect–

“Don’t do that again.”

And it’s him, then, who has hurt you– who continues to hurt you. He watches the tears pool in your eyes and feels so, so sick.

“I won’t,” it’s quiet, but he hopes you understand that he means it, “not ever again.”

The water that ripples around your body is tinted pink. You wonder how long you’ll have to watch pieces of you slip down the drain until you’re whole again.

For a while you just sit–the warm water offers some small comfort if you close your eyes and pretend that this is a regular day for you. That you’re not coming apart at your seams. But the temporary lull is interrupted when the water grows cold.

“Hitoshi,” you call, quietly. You have a feeling he’s sitting just outside of the door.

“Mm?” He is.

“The water is cold.”

“Do you need help getting out?”

“No, I–” you struggle a bit, to vocalize what you need, despite so adamantly wanting that not 20 minutes ago. All of your bravado from earlier has slipped down the plumbing with the rest of you. “It’s cold.”

You think you can hear his brain go through the mental gymnastics routine you’ve tasked it with, and you try to feel a little sorry for him, but before you can get too carried away he catches up.

“Can you pull the curtain closed?”

It’s hard, and it hurts, but you manage. “It’s closed.”

You hear him come in and kneel beside the tub. You watch him reach into the water–the water that’s saturated with you–to grab the plug from the drain, and your heart kicks in your chest.

“Hitoshi, the water is all–”

“It’s okay,” he says gently, and you hear the seal break with a little bubble beneath the surface, “It’s alright.”

He lets about half of the water out before he twists the faucet. You feel the water warm up again and you sigh, trying to relax a bit. Hitoshi dips a hand into the tub, moving the warmth around.

When it’s full, he twists the faucet back and moves to stand.

“Do you—” the words taste uncertain when they leave you, “do you think you could sit here with me?”

He doesn’t hesitate this time, and it makes you feel a little better. You hear him move to sit next to you–you watch his outline through the curtain. When you look down, the water is clear.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” you whisper. Not quite willing to apologize, but still feeling like you should say something.

“Yes, you should have.”

You pause, and when the tears come, you let them. “I’m tired, Hi.”

He lets out a breath at the nickname and you wrap your arms around yourself, needing to feel some sort of comfort.

“I know you are, angel.”

The silence is stretched between you, but it’s permeable this time. He’s trying to extend an olive branch—you decide to let him.

“Will you help me out of here?” you ask quietly.

It takes some maneuvering to get yourself standing, and when you gather the bravery needed to draw back the curtain, Hitoshi is already holding up a towel and looking starkly away from you, the tips of his ears a little red. You’d laugh if you could, but instead you just lean into him and let him wrap the towel around you. It’s warm, and you realize he must have put it in the drier at some point during your bath. The consideration has you stepping out of the tub and further into his arms–wrapping yourself around his middle before you can think better of it. He goes rigid for only a second before you feel his arms around your shoulders, caging your head in and pulling you closer. It’s startling how familiar it feels–how safe it feels, despite what he’s done–and you don’t fight the sob that tears through your throat when he presses his cheek to your temple and runs his fingers through the damp tangles of your hair.

He sways gently, rocking you like he’s consoling an infant. You don’t have it in you to be anything but comforted by it. You let out a broken whimper of his name through your tears.

“I know, baby,” he murmurs as you gather the material of his shirt in your fists, “I know.”

Before either of you know it, weeks have passed. You haven’t mentioned leaving and Hitoshi wouldn’t dream of asking you to go, so you stay. He takes every day as an opportunity to gain your trust.

It’s a fickle thing–he notices every time you flinch away from him when he accidentally brushes against you. He notices how far you sit from him on the couch, and how quiet you’ve been. It hurts tremendously, but he knows it is his fault. He’ll give you all of the time and space you need.

He cooks for you–both because he’s not sure how else to care for you right now, and because he just likes to know that you’re being looked after. He remembers how often he’d call in the middle of your “dinner”–something frozen and microwaved because Kyoji hadn’t bothered to follow through on the plans you’d made and you were left alone. Hitoshi thinks this is the best way he can help you heal–to make sure your body gets all of the vitamins it needs. It’s a small thing, really, but he hopes it means something.

He sees you out of the corner of his eye–leaning against the doorway, watching him. He smiles softly at you before he continues slicing the vegetables he’s picked out.

“What are you making?”

“Soup,” he tells you, sliding the cubed carrots off the edge of the knife and into the broth that boils beneath it, “seemed like a good day for it.”

He hears you hum, a sweet little affirmative that makes him smile again. He pulls a potato from the vegetables in front of him and turns it over a few times in his hands–checking for blemishes and wondering if he should cut it differently than the carrots, to give it some variety–if you’d appreciate the extra effort.

He startles when he feels pressure between his shoulder blades–goes rigid when he realizes it’s your forehead pressed against him.

“Angel?” he croaks, cautious.

“I’m trying, Hi.”

He lets out a breath, setting the knife down in front of him. “I know you are.”

“I just,” you start, pressing a little harder into him to emphasize your frustration, “I don’t want you to think that I’m punishing you–”

“Hey,” he calls to you softly, trying to interrupt whatever self deprecation is happening in your brain, “I don’t think that. I know that it’s going to take some time.”

You sigh, a strained thing, and when you wrap your arms around his middle, he indulges himself in the unbridled relief that comes with the knowledge that you want to forgive him. He looks down at where your hands cross over his abdomen–the bruise on your wrist is nearly faded now. A tiny yellow stain on your skin. He wants to smooth it away with his thumb, but he doesn’t–he keeps the ball in your court and his hands glued flat to the countertop.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m…” you pause, thinking about it, “I’m okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm.”

“Alright,” he murmurs, looking over his shoulder to get a glimpse of you, “you want to go find a movie to watch? The food’ll be done soon.”

You hum, untangling yourself from him to do just that. Hitoshi finds that the weight of your absence is far heavier than he expects it to be.

It’s a start. There are undoubtedly things you still need to say and questions that you need answers to. He’ll give them when you’re ready. For now, he reaches to turn up the flame on the stove, stirring the broth with new intention.

this fic belongs to me (@gardenofnoah). i do not allow anyone to repost, edit, or reproduce this work.

#listen to quietly into letting go by manchester orchestra for the full effect #let me tell you something. i love exploring hurt and accountability in relationships #i just feel like i never get to see that play out in real time. especially now with the whole 'if he breathes the wrong way cut him off'#but idk i think it's important and it helps me heal my own hurts to write it out this way u know??#i just think our inherent humanity is the most precious thing about us #i hold really tightly to the thought that the connections we make are not so fragile that they can't weather a few storms!#even if those storms level our houses in the process! we can come back from that!#i’m not the worst thing i’ve ever done and neither are you!#shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou hitoshi x you #mha shinsou fic #shinsou hitoshi fic #mha fic #mha writing #fic: i just sat there quietly

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taylortruther · 11 months

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"and the thing is, the real issue here is racism and bigotry and creating a more just society. a symptom of this issue is that matty, and men as a whole, make comments or jokes like this as a matter of course. why is that? how do we coexist with men who find violence against women, and especially women of color, joke-worthy?" I think this is such a crucial point in this convo a lot of people are ignoring. I don't like Matty and I am a member of multiple groups he's been crappy towards. But also. We literally constantly put women in this impossible situation of needing to tolerate men, to not be a bitch, to not take what they say seriously -- and also needing to be morally/ethically/politically spotless if they want to have an opinion on anything at all. We tell them they NEED to date, they NEED to have a man in their life, and the men in question ... are allowed to do/say whatever. And we only object to it when we can find a way to make what they've said/done into a stick to beat women with. The brutal truth is, the vast majority of men have said/done shit like MH has. But when women en masse object to it, we treat them like they're crazy and overreacting. So the tacit message to women is clear: This is not a big deal. Do not treat it as such. I know multiple women irl who are losing their minds over Taylor rn, who are dating/married to men who have done the same shit or even worse. And I'm not mad at them, because I get it. But it's fucking stark. I don't care if people think I'm not taking this seriously enough or w/e anymore. I am a woman of color and an actual fucking social worker and that's a big part of the reason I can't take people acting like this is a major stain on Taylor's record seriously. Yeah, he's gross. But we rake women over the coals for objecting to men's grossness all the fucking time. I think the porn thing he did was disgusting, but also, we castigate women who criticize porn literally at all -- even for being racist, even when they're not objecting to the violent misogyny at the heart of it -- as puritan feminazi pearl-clutching bitches. And now we expect Taylor to say something about it? Are you fucking kidding me? There is no norm of criticizing this in the mainstream, even the mainstream left. I think we love having a stick to beat women with. I'm sick of pretending otherwise. I know how hard it is to get people to give a shit about women of color, and I know how disinterested they are in doing it when it only involves criticizing a men and not the women involved with them. People are so eager to use me as a banner right now so they can have fun proving how morally pure they are by shitting on a woman in my name. But the minute I say, hey, how about celebrity man x, he's done this (and worse!) too -- crickets.

you are so right that some of the issues people expect taylor to speak up about are unreasonable considering her actual job and what she's shown us she's comfortable saying explicitly (IE, vote democrat, and sign petitions.)

i think, ideally, some fans want to blame her less and simply see her not date a gross person to begin with. and i feel the same. and we must always remember that the context of conversations in the fandom is taylor focused because that's our shared interest.

but i also agree with what you're saying- lots of men say shit like this, and, even though fans aren't trying to hold taylor accountable for matty's actions, making the conversation about taylor essentially has that effect because we are assuming many fans don't have conversations about these topics any other time.

i want to give grace to people and hope that this matty situation will lead people to become more politically active irl. unfortunately i also know some fans admit on here that they do find this to be a form of political activism. so. idk what i'm trying to say here except i fully understand and relate to your frustration here.

#hot taykes

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akkpipitphattana · 6 months

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Okay so! I wanted to know your opinion about this because idk what to think.

So in ep10, in the fight scene, Ray is pretty aggresive with Sand and pushes him against the lockers repeatedly (enough to bruise him apparently) and then punches the lockers on Sand's side. Now, when I first saw this I thought this was kinda abusive? maybe that is too strong of a word? maybe just alarming to me but because no one was saying anything I let it go.

Now in this ep, we have the bathtub scene where they acknowledge Ray's temper and the fight and they also acknowledge the bruises Sand had bc of Ray pushing him. and it seems the scene is played for laughs almost? like Sand is like 'haha ow it hurts!' and then Ray is like 'oops sorry ty for putting up with my temper' and it just makes me kinda uncomfortable? imo you can't get physical like this and idk, no one is mentioning it and I feel like I am exaggerating maybe?

I think i am exaggerating but idk it rubs me the wrong way sigh

You can totally ignore this ask if you feel like it's gonna bring too much discourse, thank you for reading and i am sorry if you don't wanna discuss this, it's totally fine if you wanna ignore this, as i said, i get it!

helloooo! so first of all, i don't care about bringing discourse lmao, one thing about me is i will talk about whatever i want, and i think this is actually an incredibly important discussion to have, especially as someone that does strongly want sandray to end up together for a plethora of reasons. and like i can joke about the "i hope they bite each others dicks off" thing all day long and while that is fun, that's not actually what keeps me invested in sandray or makes me root for them. and i absolutely do not think you're exaggerating because i totally get feeling uncomfortable with the way they joked about it and how it was glossed over - everyone has a different relationship with that kind of stuff.

here's my thing. sand and ray have always been aggressive with one another. and yes, when i say that i mean sand AND ray. i was actually talking to antania about this the other day, because even though i'd never seen anything about it, apparently people HAVE been talking about the fact that ray tends to get aggressive with sand. and it's not like i think it's bad to discuss those things because again, it's a good discussion to have - it's just that sand has always been aggressive right back. ray has knocked sand on his ass, but sand did the same thing to ray. the only time sand DIDN'T fight back was in ep10, and that was because at that point, he felt like he deserved it for what he'd done. is that actually true? absolutely not, especially since we know that sand gave the money back. however, it is why he didn't fight back when otherwise we know he would.

and while we can get into whether or not them being aggressive with one another is okay or not, i do think it's important to point out that that's really not their issue. sure, if they continue to get physical with one another whenever they have a fight, that's not good, but neither is a lot of the way that ray has treated sand. which really brings me to my main point - i think while it's not a bad thing to be uncomfortable with the way they brushed over the physical violence, you also have to be uncomfortable with the way every other conflict they've had has been brushed over. because this is really just another thing that ray has done wrong by sand. and this is not a dig at you by any means, nonnie, and people HAVE complained about these things in the past. i do just think it's important to address the fact that way more people have an aversion to physical abuse than they do to emotional abuse when the thing is - they are just as bad as each other. they both leave you with scars, whether mental or physical, and neither of them is good to endure in a relationship.

but i think the important thing to draw from that conversation is that ray not only apologized, but promised to listen next time. does that mean that's definitely what's going to happen? no, not at all. i'm sure he'll have slip ups and continue to fuck up - i mean we already see him going about the boeing situation in probably the worst way possible instead of just talking to sand. the point, though, is that he's trying. ray is in therapy, he's in rehab, he is actively trying to change for sand. and we already see him making great strides! no, not everything's solved, no he's not doing everything perfectly, but he's trying and it takes time. he'll get there.

also, when it comes to them joking about it, i honestly get it. yes, it's a serious thing and not everyone's comfortable joking about that stuff, but for some people that's how they deal with things (speaking from experience here lmao). not to mention, there's not really a whole lot either of them can say in a serious way - ray apologized, he promised to do better, he's actively trying to. why beat a dead horse?

and we can argue about whether or not he deserves the chance that sand's giving him or not, but at the end of the day, it is up to sand, and sand has clearly decided that the love and happiness ray gives him outweighs whatever slip ups ray might take on his way to getting better.

#this got long but well. yknow #oh also side note. i don’t think the bruises joke was actually even in the original script #because first did actually get bruises from the lil latches on the locker #so they may have added that in for the joke of it #but it’s in the canon now so the why doesn’t REALLY matter #only friends #sandray #ofts #asks #nonnies #my analysis #mine

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friendlyneighborhoodmenace · 6 months

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Hi, sorry I was writing a reply and it got too long.

You seem to be misunderstanding the whole picture. Idk if you purposefully doing it, but for the way you answer I think you just not be as knowledgeable and you might think.

We understand that many children are dying. We know it’s very sad and unfortunate, but israel and the the Jewish people can only be safe if Israel exists. That’s the truth, it’s been proven many many many many times over. And you said that you understood this.

Do you understand that israel has never destroyed the Palestinians, despite having every tool in their disposal to do so. Forget what other countries would’ve done. Just objectively look at this. At Israel always trying to reach peace, every when the other side keeps calling for death.

I’m hoping the time I’m wasting writing this would at least convince you to understand why, despite children getting hurt, there cannot be a ceasefire until hamas is eradicated from the Gaza Strip. This is also why israel is unable to give in to any hostage demands. This needs to be the final war with hamas.

If there’s a ceasefire, this is just going to happen again. Hamas will regroup, just like it had in the past, and when it feels that it’s strong enough, they’ll find a way to kill more people. And once again, as always, they will not care about Palestinian casualties, since they aren’t even in Gaza. Hamas leaders are billionaires. What business do you think they run to be earning enough to have 3-4 *billion* in the bank *each* (there are 3 named leaders, google it). Their business is the world’s sympathy: why are the people of Gaza living is shitty conditions? The Gaza Strip receives a billion dollars in aid, the UN alone was supposed to give them 670million euros this year. Why don’t they have running water? Why don’t they have electricity? No where towns in the US have those things and they didn’t have a billion dollar to establish themselves.

Ignore israel for a second, so you think that hamas will ever allow these people to live happy lives? They’re teaching children to kill and die for allah, parents are filmed saying that they’ll encourage their babies to because martyrs, this is not okay for any reason. Seriously, why should a child live like this for any reason?? They have been radicalized to the point where they value death more than life, because if they valued life they would make different choices for their children, not live in a perpetual cycle of violence when they know they can’t win (unless they don’t know, and that makes hamas even worse).

They used to be a part of Israel. The separation happened in 2005, they didn’t have to keep choosing terror, they could’ve still been living in Israel just like other Arab Israelis, but they decided that having suicide bombers was a better idea than just finding a way to get along.

And of course israel is not blameless, but a lot of it is in retaliation and a measure of protection to Israeli people, the people who did the nakba are not alive anymore, why are they still trying to kill people who never did anything to hurt them?? Should Jews go to Germany and kill the civilians there?

This has to stop. If you truly understand why Israelis need their country than you understand that Palestinian will never get israel, not unless every person is dead. So obviously the way forward cannot be to allow hamas to have a ceasefire and regroup, just to use Palestinians children as agents for more death and terror, just for the purpose of money. Since they also know that israel will not just allow its civilians to be murdered.

(Seriously what did they and the world expect israel to do? Seriously tell me?)

Anyways I hope this wasn’t a waste of time.

Admittedly, I do not know much about the conflict, so I do have to try and educate myself on the issues at hand rather than whatever shows up on my Tumblr feed.

#israel palestine conflict

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yandere-daze · 2 years

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the anon below me is awesome bro, imagine how petty and probably will never talk to them again, not even a single word coming out of the player's mouth and only looking down or anywhere except their faces THAT kind of pettiness yk what I mean? But a player with a strong favoritism?? If only that person is good and didn't rlly do anything but ignores the player (adonis, hajime, maybe niki idk, mayoi etc) maybe the player will kinda able to forgive them.... BUT if that person is like kohaku for example bc he is hostile towards you, maybe the pettiness is taking over instead of favoritism, lastly the player will probably only spend time with the ones that ignored the player instead of the ones that's openly hostile to them.. probably me tbh.

also can I be 🎻 anon??

Combining these two asks because they were about something pretty similar! And yes, you can be 🎻 anon ^^

gn reader

tw yandere, obsession, mention of bullying, physical violence

The player ignoring/striking back against the characters that had wronged them once

It´s honestly an understandable reaction if we´re being honest. We´ve all explained at length just how shitty it would feel to be treated so horribly for no reason at all and no apology could ever make up for what you went through. Bullying can influence a person´s life forever so what do you think happens when 50 batshit crazy yanderes are all after you because you “chased away” their darling? You´re in for one hell of a bad time and I wouldn´t doubt that you couldn´t just pretend everything was fine once the truth was revealed. I mean yes, now they´re super nice to you and practically kiss the ground you walk on but that doesn´t just make up for all they´ve done to you in the past. None of it feels honest now that you know what they´re capable of and it´s only natural that you would hold a grudge against them now.

Of course, when you start ignoring people, they´re all very heartbroken, though they can understand where you´re coming from. What they did was terrible! They love you more than anyone else and yet they insulted you and made you feel unwelcome. They know they have a lot to make up for but please don´t just ignore them, it hurts so much to not get a single scrap of your attention and they feel like they´re torn apart every time you pointedly look the other way when you come across each other in the hallway.

At this point, they aren´t really sure if you actively being cruel to them back or ignoring them is worse. At least when you throw insults their way or even hit them, you´re paying attention to them even if your feelings are negative. They´re still in your thoughts and they´re able to pretend that if they just withstand enough of your righteous punishment, you might one day forgive them. They don´t care how much you hurt them as long as they can stay by your side! So just please don´t ignore them, it hurts more than a thousand slaps ever could!

The second part of this is the favoritism and the jealousy that comes with it. It looks like you´re more willing to talk to the ones that didn´t do anything drastic and moreso just kept their distance and while it´s obviously understandable why you would act this way, the ones being ignored can´t help but simmer in self-pity and envy. If only they had recognized you sooner, if only they had held back, none of this would have happened and you would look at them the same way you do people like Hajime or Sora! But they messed it all up and now they really don´t know what to do to ever earn your forgiveness for the grave sins they have committed

#yandere ensemble stars x reader #yandere enstars x reader #yandere ensemble stars #yandere enstars #enstars x reader #yandere self aware au #yandere self aware ensemble stars au #ensemble stars self aware au #gn reader #yandere #cw yandere #cw obsession #cw violence #cw bullying #yandere x reader #🎻 anon

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anneapocalypse · 10 months

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1, 6, 8, 22 👀

For the 🔥choose violence 🔥 ask game!

Disclaimer: provocative name aside, I am not actually trying to be mean here, these are just my opinions offered for Entertainment Purposes™️, and I'm not mad at anyone who has a different opinion.

1. the character everyone gets wrong

Trick question, it is not possible for everyone to be wrong about anything in Dragon Age fandom because that implies that there's something everyone agrees on. 😉

jk jk that's a cop out. But seriously, for any question that says "everyone" just assume I'm making a wobbly-hand gesture next to it and we all understand hyperbole. Okay.

I think at this point I'm probably at least somewhat known for spreading the good word of Sera. 😉 And at this point I really don't think most misconceptions about her are malicious--I remember a day when Sera was much more widely hated, but she isn't anymore, which is nice! I think some of the more out-there takes on Sera (and about the Friends of Red Jenny) just come from that fact that she actively deflects personal questions until she trusts the Inquisitor, and not everyone looks past the surface-level answers she gives to realize there's more to it. My go-to example is the idea that she magically knew archery from birth and no one ever taught her anything (she didn't, and someone did). Between her dialogue, and World of Thedas, it's possible to put together a fair amount about the timeline of her childhood, when Lady Emmald died, the history of Red Jenny, etc.

But it does take some close attention and some digging and some math (ugh), and let's be real, none of us can know everything about every character! I'll just keep writing about her, because I love her.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

Honest to god, for me personally: no one. Maybe that'll change one day, but I hang with a lot of people who ship a lot of ships and none of them bother me. I have like one NoTP in the vast canon that is Dragon Age and you probably don't even know who it is because I don't care enough to talk about it. Hell, I have mutuals who ship it, and it doesn't bother me. You guys are cool.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

This isn't like One Opinion, but a more overarching Thing: in general I think it would be great if there was more understanding of like, How Video Games Are Made, in general. I think it would lead to more focused and productive criticism of games better targeted at where the problems in development actually are. I feel like I see a lot of things that are almost certain attributable to Process Issues attributed instead to Active Malice. On the flip side, it's frustrating to point out something cool and have people always respond with "Well Bioware is too stupid to have done that on purpose," like there aren't writers and designers in this industry who are incredibly passionate about their work and the themes they can weave into it even at the level of chaos they're forced to work within.

idk. I think perspective is a good thing. Read Blood, Sweat, and Pixels by Jason Schreier. Check out Mark Darrah's YouTube channel.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

I think because they're such wonderfully complex and well-developed characters, and because romances, the companions are always the juggernauts in the fandom and they always will be. And I love those characters, too. But one of my favorite things about the Dragon Age universe is the many wonderful minor characters where we get to see just enough of their story to make me feel like they do have a whole life they're living just offscreen somewhere, and set my imagination off running. CAN I HEAR IT FOR MY BOY SLIM COULDRY AND HIS FIFTEEN COUSINS 💖

#ask meme #choose violence ask game #ask anne #breninarthur #dragon age stuff

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sparkedblaze · 11 months

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DAVEY

Look y’all gotta start telling me if y’all want canon or modern 💀

Okay so idk if Davey was based of Dave Simmons but let me tell you about him anyway 🥰🥰

I think Jack’s characterization is far closer to Dave Simmons than Davey’s. The only thing they share is a name.

But I digress

So! This is Dave Simmons!

President of the Union in the first half of the strike

Accused of betraying the strike, though I personally think he may have been a victim of a whisper campaign out out by the papers

The rumor was that he and Kid Blink took a bribe to sell papes before the end of the strike.

Though they both denied the accusation, they both stepped down from their position. Dave (I believe) became treasurer instead.

There’s no actual evidence that he actually scabbed. But they decided to step down rather than hinder the strike with disloyalty.

Newsies Davey

Mom friend. This isn’t even a hc it’s just canon at this point.

This boy is burnt out before he’s even an adult 💀My poor boy is so tired all the time please give him iced coffee and therapy

Book smart. Common sense dumb. Uses big words like auspicious but knows nothing of selling or anything about Snyder (despite living in NYC and being poor enough to need to join the newsies)

Here comes my rant about autistic Davey Jacobs:

Has no filter and even less chill. Davey is very all or nothing and I love him for that.

Doesn’t get social cues. See: Jack v upset about Crutchie being arrested. Davey: “abOvE thE fOld”

Special interest: learning. Especially about art. And hawking. And pretty strike leaders

He and Les have gotten stuck in echolalia circles. They’ll echo each other for hours on end.

Has trouble lying, and approaching people in general.

End of this autistic Davey Jacobs rant bc I could literally talk forever

He values honesty so much it hurts. When Jack scabs in 92sies. One of first things David says is “You’re a liar! You lied about everything!” And the devastation on his face in Livesies. Literal chills 😭😭

Where Jack ignores orders just to prove a point, Davey doesn’t mind following orders as long as they’re reasonable. As long as they make sense. When the strike starts, Davey doesn’t quite understand. He doesn’t get the difference in ten cents for a hundred papes. It doesn’t make any difference to him. When it’s explained to him, he’s wholeheartedly for the strike. When Jack scabs, Davey once again doesn’t understand because they’ve worked so hard. And this is the one thing Jack listens to?

Anti-violence. Even in the face of starvation and freezing in the coming winter (they don’t know how long this strike will last. He has to be prepared) Davey is adamant. Do not soak the scabs.

Is always 100% done with Jack’s shit.

Is Jewish!! I’m like 98% sure this is canon, but I am certain it’s at least fanon the Jacobs are Jewish

Say something about his baby brother and he. Will. End. You.

RYAN KOPEL IS SO RIGHT THAT DAVEY GETS A LITTLE MORE FERAL EVERY DAY.

Modern:

Davey✔️

He and Jack have been friends for as long as he could remember. His family always went around to the orphanages in New York, bringing old clothes that had been collected by the people of their Synagogue.

David and Sarah had always sought out Jack when they’d get to the Refuge. Snyder always put on a front of being a kind, caring guardian when there were visitors, but Jack told Davey and Sarah about some of the horrors that they were put through.

Their parents never believed them, because Jack (having a distrust of adults for some odd reason) always told them that he was fine and he wasn’t in any danger, and so they thought their children were making it up to try and bring their friend home. When Les was born, the Jacobs took time off to get adjusted to having a new child in the house.

In college for business or marketing to make sure he knows how to do what’s best to keep them successful.

Dave in the Life: Multiple videos a week just vlogging the domestic side of his and Jack’s relationship

Been There Done That: Joint channel with Jack. Traveling, doing wild shit, usually featuring many of their friends

This concludes everything coming out of my brain about Davey Jacobs right now

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

#newsies #livesies #92sies #uksies #davey jacobs #david jacobs #newsies modern au #anon asks #thanks anon!

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ittyybittybaker · 11 months

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9, 14 & 22 for the Choose violence ask meme

9. worst part of canon:

without a doubt 100% the thanksgiving arc. i think nora could've gotten andrew off his meds w/o him having to literally be attacked in the worst possible way?? AND what happens to him at east haven, which was just unnecessary imo. like yeah riko could've implied that he would have it done but i truly don't think that it really needed to happen to have the threat be effective. just in general i would change a lot about how andrew's mental illness/medication/assault were handled !

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time:

one thing i see in fic all the time that really irks me is when people make nicky into this vapid stereotypical twink. like is he a messy bitch who lives for the drama? absolutely! and he would never want you to forget that. but he's also a complex character who's so much more than his sexuality. sure he comes on strong but i really think it's a defense mechanism, kinda like 'well this is what they think i am anyway, i might as well lean into it.' he really does have a lot of heart and he's trying to be better and to make things better for those he cares about!! of course he fucks up every now and then (he wouldn't be a fox if he didn't) but he's /trying/. and i think he deserves more than being reduced to a Gay Best Friend stereotype.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores:

idk if everyone else ignores it but i really love how willing neil is to try new things. he doesn't really have the social skills to be embarrassed by things so he just follows all his silly little impulses and i adore that about him! he's just so willing to do things even if he doesn't really understand them all for the sake of having new experiences. he goes with the upperclassmen to dinner even though he doesn't really get why they want him there. he's never celebrated halloween and yet he's totally chill showing up to a club dressed as a zombie cowboy. he doesn't really understand what he feels for andrew but he wants to see where it goes. he wants to kiss andrew's neck so he does. he's never celebrated new years and yet he's asking wymack for a new years wish!!

i feel like a lot of people use his upbringing to make him scared of change when in reality, he's just kind of vibing through life! i've said this before but if someone had taught him the phrase yolo he's use it unironically!! he truly doesn't give enough of a shit about what others think about him to feel embarrassed so he just does what's interesting to him. i feel like his attitude for most of the series is 'i could literally die tomorrow so why the fuck not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯' and i love it so much. if i was a better writer (read: an actual writer at all) i'd love to explore that side of neil bc i feel like we don't talk about it enough!!

#this was a lot but did y'all really expect anything else #i have a lot to say about everything always #i hope this made sense tho !!!#ask meme

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agirldying · 2 years

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Hey Bun,

I wanted to add comment to my previous ask. Like I completely agree with you the way you said that referring to what happened to me as "swinging" is really insensitive. Like especially saying it in front of his family. I think that's what really rubs me the wrong way like the most. Like idk when he said that it makes it sound to other people that it was both of us but it WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL.

They don't know that I was literally being threatened with violence if I didn't do what I was told to do. They don't know that I had no part in chosing those people. Like it just makes it sound like I was involved when I wasn't.

Like I mean he has admitted to me previously that he knows I didn't want to do it and he knows he forced me and he knows it wasn't consensual but like why can't he say it in front of them?? He can say he hit me and screamed at me and everything else in front of them so if we're going to lay it out then why not tell the whole truth.

Idk I guess that just bothers me because that's such a huge part of my trauma and that's the part that affects me the most out of anything and it's like now everyone will think I'm just a whore.

I also agree with you when you said that it was inappropriate to just come out and start that talk in front of everyone. Like idk it was really embarrassing. Like I literally couldn't say anything I was just sobbing quietly in my kitchen like while he was talking to me. Especially the last part about the sexual abuse (that he won't call sexual abuse) but like why did they have to hear that. Then on top of everything to be told that everyone knows, so it's like oh yeah we know you're being abused so that's why we don't say anything when you show obvious symptoms of being abused. Like wow thanks everyone. I'm so glad everyone thinks it's some big joke that I went through this.

Idk Bun I just feel like it's going to take a lot and a long time to come back from this like I'm not really sure he understands the damage that was done to me like mentally. I worry if this is something I won't ever really come back from. Like I'll just have to keep living with it like I have been.

DW 🍂

Hi DW 🍂,

Yeah, it sounds to me with the whole "swinging" thing that he either just isn't fully cognizant of the situation (he did just begin to come around, seemingly, so it may not be too surprising if it's not a full 180) or is straight up refusing to acknowledge your lack of consent (in which case he may not be fully apologetic since he seems to blatantly ignore that whole part, and I know you said he did acknowledge it at one point but I think he may be ultimately scared to because of the implications).

I can understand why you found it embarrassing. Like while you shouldn't necessarily be ashamed, it makes sense why you'd be uncomfortable having them know. Also it hits me right in the Trauma when you said "we know you're being abused so that's why we don't say anything when you show obvious symptoms of being abused. Like wow thanks everyone. I'm so glad everyone thinks it's some big joke that I went through this." It feels inexplicably invalidating to feel like there are a crowd of bystanders to your trauma. It feels gaslighting because it's like they don't find it serious enough to do something. It infuriates me. What kind of person knows that their relative is being abused and does absolutely nothing to help? It's nauseating. You deserve attention, acknowledgement, help, and care from those around you, god dammit.

Please take your time in healing from everything. Don't feel rushed at all (I broke up with my abuser 7 years ago and I am still healing). Also consider that being with your fiancé may involuntarily pause your trauma recovery because you may still feel physiologically and/or psychologically unsafe around him after everything, and recovery really only happens once the person feels safe enough. At the same time, know that you can heal from this. It may take a long time, but you can do it.

Some things I want you to think about are: What do you imagine your future will look like staying with your fiancé? Do you think you could look past what he did to you and love him the same? What do you think the future will look like with your child? Do you think it is worth your health to stay with him? Those are just some questions I want you to think about rhetorically.

I'll be here as always. Please take care of yourself and let me know if you need anything or would like to comment on this.

#text #asks #DW 🍂 anon #trauma #tw #vent #trauma vent #ptsd #cptsd

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nyx-b-log · 2 years

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The Disasters by M. K. England

read: sep 2022

summary:

set in the near-future of 2094, nax hall is a great pilot, but when he fails is exam for the ellis station academy - somewhere that would allow him to be able to be able to move to the colonies, other planets settled by humans - he feels very disheartened. his day only goes from bad to worse when the station is attacked by mysterious assailants, and he and three others who failed the exam are forced to flee together. when they are blamed for the attack, they must band together to right the wrongs done against them and spread the truth.

goodreads link

content warnings: anxiety, regular depictions of panic attacks, genre-typical violence.

rating: 3 stars

opinion:

it’s fine. not terrible, but not all that great either.

on paper this should be amazing. found family in space, some heist vibes, some revolution vibes, it's everything you could want in a book!

but somehow the pieces never quite come together.

the main characters all kind of blended together for me (i was still confusing case and zee by the end, which admittedly is probably partly my fault), with the only one who felt distinct being nax, and he's the pov character.

the book puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that they're close, that they're all there for each other, but even if you ignore the fact that this whole book takes place over a week (a week! a week!!), they're all incredibly touchy-feely even after just minutes spent together.

which, i get what the author was going for. these four have just experienced something incredibly traumatic, and nothing bonds people like trauma.

but, they never really talk about it? whenever case has a panic attack nax is very quick to offer physical comfort, but he never asks whether it's okay. idk about anyone else, but this would really, really bother me if i was in the middle of a panic attack.

(this is my general feel of the book, that things could have been improved in various places by just one more conversation)

it's important to the book that the four become friends, therefore they do. it's not really any deeper than that.

i just don't feel like we got to know each other individually well enough for me to care about them as a group. i didn't buy their closeness.

the plot didn’t make a great deal of sense to me either. it didn't need to, really - a nonsensical space romp can be just as much fun and would have suited the genre and style of the book - but there's just enough there for me to be left wanting by the end.

like, we barely see the villains. at all.

if you switch off your brain it was kind of a fun time, and the flying scenes were fun (they remind me of classic sci-fi, with the descriptions and general pacing) but whenever i was just getting into it, something would have that reminded me that the book wasn’t actually that good.

the world-building for the tech was a strong point (not deep, but sci-fi enough that i was sold on the universe), and the scenes on the ships and space dogfights were a highlight, but the planets definitely suffered. they never really felt distinct from one another, and all felt a lot like earth.

but, i appreciate the queerness of the story as a whole and the very bi-disaster that is the main character, nax.

maybe i would have enjoyed this more as a teenager. it is marketed as YA, but it feels to me like it skews a little younger than that.

personally, i think this needed another hundred pages of character development and to not take place over a week.

i wanted to like this more. i really did.

if you're in the market for a quick read with teen banter abound to switch your brain off to then this might be for you, but it's not a book i can imagine going back to.

spoilery stuff under the cut

god damn does nax need to communicate with rion and case. like, he's essentially romancing both of them, and tells neither??? just kind of shoves it under the rug until after the plot is over, and then it doesn't really come up again???

i get that they're kids, but come on!

#books #bookblr #book review #the disasters (book)#m k england #lgbtq+#i want to say more things that i liked #i really do #i want to be kinder to this book #but it's a struggle #would be interested to hear what younger audiences thought of this #am i too old and cynical for this stuff now #i hope not #scheduled

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genderisareligion · 1 year

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Recently told I have “tunnel vision” regarding my current world view. Lol. Probably because this person knows I’m a “TERF.” I really should change this url but the joke has a point that I still think should be said: “gender” probably works best where it belongs in languages like Spanish and not universally applied to the entire human species which has too much variation to try and categorize like that

When I tag my reblogs with things like “kill all pornographers” I’m aware that technically the word “pornographer” would include those people like couples who gladly film themselves fucking and post it and consent every time they do it. Do those people deserve to be dead for that? Nope. My point is that the rape crisis happening in and often because of porn is such an extreme crisis, to me on the ground here watching women right and left be traumatized by it, that I personally would rather the entire industry go away or at least go away until all it consists of is the privileged minority who really genuinely want to make sex on film their job. Never going to be my thing but go off I guess. My point is that men who get off on the pain and humiliation of women and children and feel no remorse are sociopathic and subhuman and should be separated from the rest of us normal people for our safety. Whether it be by death or prison or isolation on island somewhere lol I don’t care I just want people to wake the fuck up to how little the severely porn addicted and the billionaires churning this content out care about humanity.

When I say “kill all pornographers” I’m reflecting the amount of hatred men are showing us when they all but say “kill all women” in their porn. No, that’s not the message in all of it. But it is in enough (snuff porn is an entire genre) and there are enough enablers and those willing to turn a blind eye that it exists at all, and sue me for thinking it shouldn’t because it’s dangerous when there are real women dying constantly at the hands of men in real life, why do y’all need to watch it on a loop online too?

Like sorry for not being desensitized to women in pain? How is that “tunnel visioned”? I’m a former watcher of this shit because I thought being closeted was reason enough that I should just ignore the horrific shit I was constantly scrolling past and just get mine. That’s why I get on this and another blog and shit on the porn industry constantly. I’m no prude and I can speak from experience. I did all the rationalizing and the “she must be fine it can’t be real.” Then I did the research about how often it is real and critically thought about it all and made the decision to be openly critical of it. I know technically sometimes she really is fine. I’m wildly concerned about all the women who are paid to lie about being fine.

One of my favorite books is the S.C.U.M. Manifesto because so many people refuse to believe it was satire. When I say “Valerie Solanas was right” do I mean that her misandrist society exactly as she wrote it should be instituted tomorrow? Nope. She was right about how painful it would be for men to imagine themselves in our shoes for a day. They hate that book and KAM sentiment because they know they’re lucky as shit the tables aren’t turned and being afraid of a woman isn’t manly. She was right that people would take her literally and ignore the meaning, which as I read it was that something urgently needs to be done about male violence against females and the culture that upholds it.

Is it “tunnel visioned” of me to say sexism is defined as the oppression of males against females? Am I saying that I think females are incapable of mistreating males? LOL no. I’ve mistreated males. Females have often mistreated me. I am fully aware of all of these things and aware that there is a much worse pattern of male on female violence than there is the reverse. The FBI crime statistics on rape agree with me.

Idk man I’m just sick of “SWERF” and its cousin “TERF” and being told I'm biased or a bigot for wanting something drastic to be done about sexual violence. Dworkin really went the fuck off when she said

#shadow.txt

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delicrieux · 3 years

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☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 23: PRETTY BOY

emotions run wild when everyone is drunk and hardly coherent. quackity is always loud, but tonight is a full on assault on the senses (the ears, in particular). bretman simps for corpse too much for your liking. rae is happy for once. there’s a confession of love somewhere in there. sister james makes a very good impostor, but that’s old news, the real question is who gave you a knife? a new persona emerges that leaves the roaches quivering in their boots.

─── corpse husband x reader, a lil bit of everyone x reader (because she’s a queen) ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: a lil over 7k.

author’s note: it’s the way i can’t follow a fucking calendar for me. sorry guys, i swear to god i thought i had one more day before thursday . the idiot award goes to me and i accept it with pride. anyway, i was excited to write this for a while! quackity is in mexico, that’s why he drinks, too. my fic, my rules, he’s too funny not to include. im also working on an extra w dream and mr quack so look forward to that, too! hopefully u like this part ily xx and as always lmk wat u think!!

ultimate masterlist. ҉ myso masterlist ҉ previous. ҉ next.

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The outfit for today was picked with care and consideration. Hot, as always- you had forgotten your roots, your hoodie and sweats lay hidden in the bottom of your drawer never to be worn on stream again. You’ve changed. Clout really does that to people. Some viewers, naturally, find your hotness near insulting: how dare you rub your beauty in their faces, and so unabashedly, too?! If only you had a twinge of self-awareness, perhaps you would tone it down. But you don’t, and whether that’s by choice or not is the mystery the whole internet tries to solve (ARMY has been working diligently, and you admire their effort, though in the end their tireless labor brings no tangible results).

You went from hot to hotter. In all truth, the fires eating away at California can be blamed on you. You carry this burden in stride, in your platform overpriced shoes some girl scammed you on Depop with, in your fishnets, in your skirt, in your corset, in your rings and necklaces and chains. You woke up today and chose violence. Decided your existence will be a plague to the rest of the populace, and meant it (that, maybe, you took inspiration from a certain faceless Youtuber that so happens to be your boyfriend or whatever). You feel powerful. Like you could step on the world and the world would let you. You decide that it’s the way it should always be.

The smile on your lips informs of nothing good to your quaint, small audience of 40k. You change the lighting in your room from the soft cherry blossom pink to menacing violet. As fitting for a villain.

Perhaps California’s hellish sun has finally purged you of your bubbly, docile nature (arguably, you had never possessed it to begin with); perhaps it’s the forth mimosa you’re mixing as people slowly trickle into the lobby. Who knows?! Not you, definitely. What do all of those boring dead white European philosophers say? Embrace the unknown? Cheers, you’ll drink to that.

In stark contrast to your appearance, your room is a fucking mess. A war-zone of epic anime scale. Everything is scattered, well, everywhere. A perfect representation on what’s going on in your mind, always. You don’t like how people focus on your surroundings-- you’re the main attraction, hello? Are you not enough to sustain them? Must they beg for more?! Totally ungrateful. You shake your head in disappointment, as if a mother scolding her children.

noooooo! mom pls forgive me i will never ask abt anything ever again T_T

yall looking at the room? lol couldnt be me

feels like im five and my mum just told me i cant eat a pretty rock i found on the pavement:(

You can’t contain your sly grin. Eyes twinkle with a purplish hue, appearing all the more menacing. You tricked them once again, oh how absolutely evil of you. In your blind delight you accidentally spill champagne on your lap.

“-Oop, fuck.” You snort.

why does she sound like goofy

The scandalous drunk Among Us stream is about to start. You had been eerily silent through the greetings, and those that chose to approach you were met with a cold shoulder and minimal replies. All on purpose, of course. You wish to plant a seed of unease within them, and so far, it’s working. There are questions unanswered, jokes unsaid, Quackity unteased. It breaks your heart, but it must be done. You look into the camera, all vulnerable and devout, as if to say: I’m doing this for you, all for you.

pack it up yandere simulator

idk whats going on but i think im into it?

villain arc villain arc villain aRC VILLAIN ARC

“Hey, guys,” Corpse’s voices rings in your headphones, and not a blink later his astronaut appears in the lobby in a cloud of smoke, “Hi, Y/n.”

More sharp, excited hellos follow after. You merely hum, though give no further reply. As Corpse strays to your side, Charlie steps in in front of him, “BDA access only. You have a permit, bitch?”

“Y/n is being quiet-she’s being quiet, guys!” Quackity helpfully informs, as if the rest failed to notice your cryptic silence, “Don’t be sad Corpse, man, Corpse don’t be-she didn’t say shit to me either.”

“Y/n has decided to not waste her breath on the SDS.” Charlie voices, “And you know what? I actually agree with her for once.”

“SD-what now?” Dream questions.

“The Small Dick Society.” Charlie explains, noting Dream’s whine of protest, “Oh no, don’t give me that shit, weren’t you bitching about not being invited and not belonging to exclusive clubs? Congratulations, you’re finally part of one.”

“Wait!” Quackity interjects, “Am I part of it too?”

“Guess, Sherlock.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Corpse says. You nod to your audience, like he just spoke the God honest truth, and follow in his example. Your tentative sip unexpectedly turns into a greedy gulp, but you’re not complaining. The only slightly coherent thought that rings in your mind is drink tasty.

“Ignore them,” Rae chimes, “Y/n’s probably plotting something and using Charlie as a cover up.”

“I’d never.” The words slip past your lips before you can stop them.

“Well you sure are very quick to deny it.” You can hear her smirking, can hear the proud lilt in her voice, like she caught onto your silly little scheme, like she has you all figured out. Your eyes narrow dangerously. The night behind your window pools dark, with far away city lights glimmering before they, too, seem to dim.

Your roommate is back on your shitlist. How her name was missed among the rest.

“I’m defending my honor.” You yelp, the playfulness back in your voice along with your sunny smile, “I can’t have my wifey slandering me online. At least do it in private, geez.”

If Rae’s such a good detective, you’ll give her a good chase. Perhaps you’ve been laying it on too thick. Made her too suspicious. She can’t out you yet--not when your plans are so grand, so fun. It would be a waste.

“Why weren’t you saying anything then?” Quackity questions.

“Do I need a reason not wanting to talk to you?” You shoot back. Your friends laugh and he tries to shriek something past their cackle. You lean back into your chair, the tension from Rae’s confrontation finally easing. You wink at the camera and bring a finger to your lips. The roaches swear to secrecy, elated by your wickedness. As appropriate, they spam devil emojis and various renditions of evil hohohos and hehehes. The apple truly does not fall far from the tree. You had raised them well. You raise your glass in solidarity. A few donations fall into your pocket, easily summed up as: make them suffer.

Muting the discord call, you give a single response, “Oh, I intend to.”

i hope this doesn’t awaken something in me

^already too late for me bro

As caught up in wreaking havoc among your viewers as you are, you miss Sykkuno’s entrance, though from what you can tell, Charlie gave a stern warning to back the fuck off to him, too. He’s playing into your plan so beautifully. Truly, you couldn’t do this without him. Back to stalking the chat you go.

Your eyes flicker to the game upon Bretman’s signature drawl and “Hi, daddy.”. You have no time to get offended at Corpse’s sweet “Hi, honey” back, because the next person to join the discord call and the lobby leaves you speechless. You knew, of course, you had been informed of the line-up, but still, you had never expected yourself to be so close to Jomes Chorles himself. You make a weird gesture with your hands, half wave half excited wiggle, as if you’re telling the audience to calm down, when, in fact, it is you that needs calming.

He goes saying his hello’s like doing a public service, name by name, before, lastly, uttering, “Hi, Miss Y/n. Loooove the vids.”

He’s a roach in disguise, who could’ve known?! Your audience is so diverse and unexpected, gosh, you’d shed a tear if the mascara wasn’t so expensive.

“Hi!” You reply with a grin, and it’s genuine this time, a glimmer of your old self, “Hi, I love your videos, too. It’s like, really cool to finally meet you.”

“Oh my God, you too!” Is his enthusiastic reply, “Okay, the energy in the studio today? Love it.”

“Is this all of us?” Quackity asks.

“Sadly.” James says with a note of disappointment.

“HEY!”

“Okay, guys!” Ash chimes, “Let’s do this! Proximity Among Us, round one, go go go!”

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

Luck does not shine upon you during the first round- you are stuck as Crew Mate, your life cut short by Bretman who had the audacity to bite your head off. You’re positive Ke$ha wrote her hit single Cannibal about him, and if she didn’t, she definitely had a That’s So Raven moment and predicted it. It’s also insanely suspicious as after you are eliminated he sticks real close to Corpse, feigning innocence (and this is a controversial opinion you do not endorse) better than even you. It wounds your pride, having been picked off so casually, so quickly, and now stuck a ghost you roam the halls of the dying spaceship, lost, confused, heartbroken.

Charlie runs past you, not once even glancing in your direction. “Brother...” You mutter sadly, “Do you not see me here? Do you not feel... the loss of your twin’s heartbeat...?" Damn, these mimosas really are making you emotional. You sniffle and take a sip to calm the storm within you. No rage, just sadness. You are still processing your own tragic demise.

Suddenly, a meeting is called. There’s a horrible red X on your astronaut. You are the only one dead so far, and of course the rest won’t vote out the fucker. How bitterly you sit! With your arms crossed over your chest and your glare sharp enough to cut through glass. Fuck the sad shit, now you’re just angry. At the very least, the second Impostor could’ve given you some company!

“I knew something felt off.” Charlie is first to speak.

“Who the fuck killed Y/n?” Corpse questions, and his voice ignites a whole discussion that lasts much too short. The others skip, having no suspect yet. It’s much too soon to start pointing fingers, but you still feel like they should have at least tried. Pouting, you fix yourself another drink.

“Stop drinking!?” You gasp, exasperated at your chats demands, “I’m dead! What else should I do, the tasks?! Nah, fuck that. I’m done. I’m out. Charlie better employ his fucking detective skills because if the Impostors win, I will literally quit the game--yes I will, no I’m not bullshitting, fucking watch me.”

Thankfully, Bretman was caught venting, and you didn’t have to end the stream prematurely. The second Impostor, your roommate (oh, the betrayal, Rae, how could you?!) was voted out due to Corpse’s suspicion. Victory to the Crew Mates! The game restarts and you find yourself back in the lobby.

“Miss Y/n,” Bretman says, “I am sooo sorry for killing you first, baby. It was just too easy. I couldn’t pass it up.”

Giggling, Quackity chimes, “Sister slaughtered.”

“Oh my God,” James groans, “shut up!”

“Yeah, Y/n.” Charlie speaks, and there’s an accusatory note in his calm voice, “Why the fuck did you allow yourself to be eliminated first? Real noob shit, I expected more of you.”

“HUH?!” You frown, “What’s with the victim blaming?! I literally was doing my task and Bretman snuck up on me. It’s not like I had a weapon to defend myself!”

“You have been avenged,” Corpse states, “and that’s all that matters.”

“Thank you, Corpse!” You say, “At least someone cares.”

“Hey, I helped, too!” Dream pipes up.

“No, you didn’t.” Corpse shoots him down, “I was the only one.”

“You were not--”

“Literally was. Isn’t that right, Sykkuno?”

“Uhhhh-” Sykkuno trails off, “Well, we-we all helped!” You can hear his shy smile, and you just know he’s bobbing his head up and down at this exact moment, “We all helped. Team work!”

“Team work!” The rest echo, save for yourself, Corpse, Charlie, and the two Impostors. Silence speaks more than a thousand words or whatever. You pray to any higher power willing to listen to finally assign you the role of the villain, the one you were born to do.

Sadly, higher powers must have either shitty customer service or are in need of hearing aids, and you almost scream in frustration when your astronaut appears along with the others, the bold CREW MATE title chipping away at your master plan.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

“Hey, Y/n, hey! Hey, Y/n!” Rae finds you in Cafeteria, where you, metaphorically, are eating your feelings. Not that she needs to know, of course. She sounds chipper, a bit ditsy, and that must mean she’s sufficiently tipsy. You store that information for later, and forget about it as soon as you notice Dream and Sykkuno, like her very own personal bodyguards, trailing after her, “Wanna play a game?!”

“Is this Saw?” You inquire, somewhat lazy. You’d be lying if you said the alcohol wasn’t affecting you, it’s just instead of making you bubbly, it makes you mellow. This was supposed to be fun, you were supposed to terrorize everyone and laugh as they perished by your hand, yet here you are, wallowing in self-pity. The roaches start worrying. The donation jingle chimes.

BEATINGS & SLUTATIONS yns_fishnets donated 5$ mom just wait it out & dont worry youll get your vengeance soon lead them on!!!!

Your fishnets have a point!

“Saw?--No, no, haa, no it’s a drinking game.” Dream sounds like he has had one too many rounds of this mysterious game, and naturally, you are intrigued.

“Where we drink!” Sykkuno clarifies. Right, well that explains everything! If you had any questions, you surely have none now.

“Okay, so, name a category, and you have to, like, say a word associated with it...Or something along those lines.” You hadn’t even agreed and Rae is explaining the rules already. She knows you too well. It’s both a blessing and a curse, “Can be anything! Okay, Y/n, Y/n, Y/n start!”

“Uhh--” If only your brain computed as fast as she spoke! “Song lyrics! Wait--who drinks?”

“You fail, you drink!” She hurries, “Choke me like you hate me but you love meeeeee. Syk, go, go go!”

“Uhm, ah, I don’t wanna feel like this, uh, fuck?” He laughs--it’s a raspy, embarrassed little sound, “I don’t...wanna look like this? Dream, now you!”

“Wait, we’re singing Corpse’s songs?”

“Any song!” You urge him quickly, “Hurry! Or drink!”

“She say I kill her cat like I'm Luka Magnotta--”

“Hey! That’s cheating! You can’t use my song!” Rae protest.

“That wasn’t in the rules!” He counters.

“Y/n! Time’s running out!” Sykkuno exclaims.

“Oh, uh, will-will the real Slim Shady please stand up!”

NOT EMINEM WHAT THE FUCK

MOOOM WHT THE HELL THIS ISNT 2008 T_T

“Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine--”

“All...All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better, uhh, run better run, faster...-faster than my gun?”

“Uhh, shit--fucking hell.” Dream laughs, and Rae practically screams at him to keep going, “Alright! Okay! I’m singing--uh, you’re so golden, na na na na?”

“I tell you what a woman loves most,” You chime gleefully, “it’s a man who can slap but can also stroke.”

finally, the mother mother representation we’ve all been waiting for

i aint exactly gay but i aint exactly not gay >:)

the bis won

“I steal a few breeeeaaaths from the woooorld for a minute--”

“Mitski?!” You question, eyes bulging, “Baby, who hurt you?”

Even if you can’t see her, you know she’s waving her arms around and shaking her head, “Not the point! Sykkuno!”

“Uh, I-I, uhm, I don’t--”

“Drinnnnk!” You all chorus.

“It was a good concert,” You say, “Syk, I’ll drink with you.”

“Thank you, Y/n. That’s very kind of you.” He says softly, with a smile lining his lips. You grin.

“Oh, fine. Everyone, bottoms up!” Rae decides, and no one protest. A moment of silence passes, then, “Well, GG, GG, let’s do some tasks?”

Your enthusiastic Ariana Grande-esque “yuh” is cut short by the second meeting of game two being called. The first one to go had been Ash, voted out during a bathroom break as a joke, and you still feel a bit bad about that. Now, you notice Charlie has been eliminated. A sense of righteousness fills you--while you mourn for your brother from another mother and father and family tree, you feel like this is divine punishment for slandering you before the start of this round. Karma. Nothing much is discussed, and the meeting ends shortly with everyone skipping.

You spend a good ten minutes wandering around with Dream, who’s mission appears to be convincing you to join his Minecraft server, and really, there was no need for him to try so hard. You failed to provide him with a concrete answer only because it would've been to humiliating to admit that you agreed instantly upon hearing the word Minecraft.

That’s when things get fucking weird. Another meeting is called whilst you’re in the middle of fixing lights, and once the board with the members appears you audibly gasp. There had been 8 living, breathing astronauts rushing around the map, and now only 4 remain. You, Corpse, James, and Alex.

“What the fuck--what the fuck?!” You screech alarmed, noting Dream being among the perished crew, “I was just with Dream fixing the lights, I was just with him, what the fuck--”

“Okay, no one panic.” James says, “Let’s figure this out. Okay? Okay. Who else is close to Electrical?”

“I’m at Nav.” Quackity says.

“I’m at Cafeteria, but Y/n--” Corpse starts, “kinda weird that Dream died when you were with him?”

“I didn’t fucking kill him, I swear to God, Corpse, why are you accusing me?”

“Don’t be so defensive.” He says smoothly, “I’m just pointing out the obvious. We all have a reason to be sus, no? Considering you were right with him.”

“...It is suspicious.” James agrees, and a part of you dies inside. You understand their hesitance to trust you, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating!

“Guys, I didn’t kill him, I swear. He invited me to play Minecraft, I wouldn’t do that to him, not after that!”

Corpse merely hums, and it brings no comfort what’s so ever. The situation is spiraling, and not in your favor. Trying to salvage your chances at freedom, you try again, “Wh-James, James, you called the meeting, right?”

“Yeah, I found Rae’s body near Medical.”

“So I couldn’t have killed her and Dream at the same time!” You latch onto that piece of information, hoping it will save you.

“You could’ve vented.” Corpse points out, “Plus, there’s no telling how old the body is.”

“Killing five fucking people? It’s the work of one person, or else the game would have already ended. As it stands, I am no way sober enough to think all of this out.”

A brief silence hangs in the air; your lungs constrict from tension, from spilling words so hotly. You grasp your glass, as if for emphasis, and take a shy sip. It taste sweet, a bit too sweet for your liking. Must be your nerves. You drink again to wash the taste out of your mouth, which, surprisingly, doesn’t work. You whine a little, stomping your feet like a child about to throw a temper tantrum.

“...I believe her.” Quackity says. You breathe out a sigh of relief.

“Alex, thank youuuuuu!” You gush, batting your lashes as if he could somehow see you and that would somehow portray your innocence, “I knew I liked you for a reason!”

He mutes his mic, his spill of words lost to your ears, but chat helpfully informs that he’s screaming because you don’t hate him.

y/n out here collecting men like pokemon cards

Now all that’s left is to convince the others. You start with the one you know will work, “Corpse,” You address him in your sweetest voice.

“Y/n,” James warns, “don’t you dare--”

“Baby, I didn’t kill anyone, I’m crew mate, you gotta believe me.”

“She's innocent.” Corpse declare, thoroughly convinced.

“Oh my fucking God, you fucking simp!” James laughs, “She’s obviously manipulating you!”

“No, no, she isn’t. She’s innocent, I agree with Quackity. Now, it’s either you or him.”

“Could be you for all we know!” Alex accuses.

“Guys, time’s running out.” You mutter fretfully, noting the seconds tick by from white to red.

“I’m voting Alex.” Corpse says.

“What?! Fucking traitor! Fine, I’m voting for you.” Alex hisses.

“Ugh, hate agreeing with Quackity, but I’m also voting Corpse. Sorry, hon, nothing personal.” James says. The VOTED icons pop up beside their characters and you panic, pressing your mouse idly but it’s too late, there wasn’t enough time, and you cry as Corpse is thrown into lava. The chat spams F, and it feels like salt on a fresh wound.

In a second you’re back in Cafeteria, shell-shocked and trembling, and Quackity cusses because the Impostor is still among you. His frustration doesn’t last long as you watch in horror as Jams Chortles, beauty guru supreme, murders the only other crew mate in cold blood and all you can do is gape and let his cheerful laughter fill your ears. The screen bleeds red, informing of Impostor victory, the second one being Ash. Looks like you voted her off for the right reason, but little difference did it make.

“Corpse!” You yell past the cacophony of voices, all in varying forms of excitement or anger, beelining for his in-game figure, “Corpse, I’m so sorry, I panicked, I tried pressing the button but I wasn’t quick enough--”

“It’s alright, baby. Don’t worry about it.” He’s so calming, so gentle, you might burst into tears again. What did you do to deserve him? You wish he was with you so you could smother him in a hug. Alas, all you can do now is say “I kith you, mwah!” and rush to the other side of the lobby, as if to hide from such a bold display of affection, even if it was a joke (it wasn’t).

yall say corpse simps for y/n but the reality is y/n simps for corpse harder

queen stop its embarrassing

bhaddies can simp!! i wouldnt but its her choice <3

More deliberations, commentary, and short breaks. Once everyone has returned, the countdown starts. You’re still reeling from the chaos of emotions, the five stages of grief you experienced in 1 second upon Corpse’s unjust demise, that it takes you a moment, a single heartbeat to realize what you’re seeing on screen.

The letters IMPOSTOR hang above your astronaut, with Dream standing just behind you as your newly appointed partner in crime. And suddenly, all the sadness and the tenderness and sympathy vanish with a curt exhale. You slowly turn your head to the chat, muting the Discord call, your soft chuckle of disbelief turning into a full blown laugh.

it’s happening!!!!

omg omg omg omg

VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC

You slap your palm over your lips, trying to contain your wicked smile, to tone down your broken giggles, “N-No, I can’t laugh yet,” shaking your head softly, you look into the camera, “they’re all going to die.”

pack it up light yagami

this has awoken something in me.

^ same

The crew mates go their own ways, rushing to do their tasks like the diligent little workers they are. How adorable. Their grim fate is still miles away from them. The shit you’ll pull will be for the history books. Much like your outfit, which you picked keeping in mind your newfound thirst for blood, you had devised your plan of action with care and consideration. You had been mulling it over all day, drawing on paper like the absolute madwoman you are; hell, you even made sticky notes on who to go for first and what to say. Sure, being moderately drunk hinders your memory slightly (an understatement of the century), but you got a feel for what you’re going to do. It’s nothing short of evil.

Dream and you don’t exchange words, you merely nod at him-- which he, of course, can’t see-- but your criminal bond enables telepathic communication. You can hear his thoughts, ones that strangely sound like drink drink, drink drink. And really, who are you to refuse such an enticing offer?! As he fucks off to stalk his victims, or play pretend, you take a sip. The cocktail is still sweet, but this time it’s not the icky sweet you had tasted prior. You glance at your sticky notes, ones the roaches can’t see, and nearly spill your drink for the second time today as you jerk.

“Fuck!” You exclaim, shoving your headphones off and spinning in your chair. You hastily stand up, wobble -- the world is pleasantly funny right about now -- and giggle. Stepping past the mountains of abandoned clothes and pillows and blankets and anime plushies, you maneuver your way to your bedside table and yank it open, nearly taking out the whole drawer with you. In the mess of old diaries and bad drawings, pencils, jewelry, and stickers, you fish out something you should not be wielding in your inebriated state.

It’s a knife.

In midst of teenage angst you had ordered it off of Amazon with your mom’s credit card, all the while whining that it’s not a phase, mom, and it’s what all of my cool kid friends with fried hair have, and don’t you want me to fit in, don’t you want your daughter to be happy?! You think it’s about that time, the time of too much uneven eyeliner and black eye shadow, that she took to calling you little raccoon. Trash rabbit was your personal favorite, but she used it sparingly. When you presented your Macy’s outfit, holding up a fucking butterfly knife, to your dad, asking if it was a look, he glanced up from some boring business magazine all boring business dads read and said, with a bright smile might you add, “It’s a something!”.

Oh, how it gleams in the lilac light. You used to do tricks with it, back in eight grade maybe, and--what the fuck? Why did you parents allow you to buy it in the first place? Well, because you’re the only child, the only one important, of course they got it for you and clapped enthusiastically at your performances, because why wouldn’t they? The whining they’d face otherwise would’ve been harder to endure than a whole dance number to Panic! At The Disco’s greatest hits. Broadway looked so fucking shabby in comparison. Your mom said so, so it must be true.

Stumbling back to your extremely confused viewers, you take your seat, feeling a bit more grounded now that you’re not standing on your platform shoes anymore. Putting on your headphones, you grin at the chat that starts swimming, and not from too much drinking either. You do a quick flick of your wrist, one that thankfully doesn’t end in injury, and the sharp tip of the exposed knife points upwards, glimmering. It’s a rainbow colored one, because one, it’s pretty, and two, you weren’t hardcore enough for the jet-black or straight up military ones the other emo kids had. Cute and dangerous, just like you.

So you just sit there, holding it up, looking somewhat sly as the roaches capture this momentous moment with screen-caps. Someone definitely clipped you trudging past the obstacle course to obtain a weapon of mass destruction. You must be already trending on Twitter, though you can’t exactly log on and confirm your suspicions. You just feel like you might be, like you should be, because your audience wouldn’t let this slide. Thankfully, your friends don’t have time to check social media, or you’d be outed in an instant.

“Y/n?” Your roommates voice booms from your headphones, and you perk up with a stupid realization that you completely forgot about Among Us. Stuck at the start, at the lobby where Dream had left you, you see her astronaut waddling to you, “What are you doing here? Wait--Have you not moved from the beginning?” She can barely finish the sentence without giggling.

You grin, “I was looking for something.”

Your voice is soft, too calm for your usual frantic spill. You gently set the knife down, hand coming to rest on your mouse, fingers idly, slowly, bouncing on the buttons.

“...What were you looking for?” She’s none the wiser, the numerous drinks consumed tonight numbing her sharp mind. She would have noticed. Your eerie composure would’ve given it away in a heartbeat, or at least hinted at something being objectively wrong. But she sounds curious. Poor girl, hasn’t she heard? Curiosity killed the cat.

“A knife.”

“A knife?!” There’s something about her tone that implies a mental clicking, the puzzle pieces falling together, “You have a knife?!”

“Yes.”

“No!”

You think it would only be appropriate that the random sequence of killing animations renders the backstabbing one. You grin, biting your lower lip with a quiet snicker.

i love women

if evil bad...why seggy?

You take your time leaving her there -- in true serial-killer-to-be fashion, you stick around for a bit longer, admiring your handiwork, or more like the chat singing your praises. You joined today with the intent of making an interesting stream. You have no doubt in your mind that now it will be legendary.

You move down the hallway, and you let your imagination wander: you can almost feel the stuffy air of your helmet, can almost hear your loud footsteps echoing in all this hush, can almost see your reflection in the spotless tile floor. It’s not long before your second victim makes an appearance, running circles in Cafeteria. You hear his voice first before you see him, recognizing Alex by his unhinged screech of “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s goooo!”

“And what’s got you so excited?” How cool and collected you are, gosh, you barely contain the quiver of excitement that threatens to slip out.

“Y/n!” He exclaims, rushing to your side like a lost puppy--he’s really making this easy for you, he’s not even trying, “You just missed--Oh my fucking God, you just missed James, he-he called me tall, he called me fucking tall! Let’s go, let’s gooooo!”

“Well, you are tall, aren’t you?” You chime sweetly, almost as sweet as the drink that lingers on the tip of your tongue, “Real 6′3 energy, no?”

“Yes, yes, exactly! You get it, you fucking get it--” Once again, his mic goes mute, and you glance at the chat for help.

hard to transcribe what hes saying but hes taking shots and yelling that he loves you good job mom

hey, queen! girl, you have done it again, constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly

mom plz dont kill alex hes too cute hes all uwu rn

Oh, how you’re about to break his poor little heart. If you had any good left in you, you’d spare him. You don’t, and you’re not taking requests at the moment, so all you do is smile at your chat and they know. They just do. Hive-mind shit, you’re all two-faced little fuckers.

You giggle, and it sounds a tad fake, “You’re so weird, Alex,” You start, and he’s back in the call, a sound of confusion echoing in your ears, “but I get it, you know. You’re weird. You’re a weirdo. You don’t fit it, and you don’t want to fit in. I mean, really, has anyone even seen you without your stupid hat?”

“...Do--” He sputters, bellowing a laugh, “Do you have that whole fucking monologue memorized?!”

“Is it because you’re bald?”

“I’m not fucking bald!” His giddiness is quickly replaced by anger.

You hum, pretend to think, lastly barking a “Liar.” before you kill him. His scream is cut off, leaving only deafening silence at it’s wake. Unlike with Rae, you don’t stick around. You didn’t appreciate how little he enjoyed your recital.

You run into James near Navigation, most likely on his way to Cafeteria. He ends his song mid-note, and you breathe a sigh of relief, “Finally! Someone! I’ve been looking all over, where the hell is everyone?” You question, blocking his way, lest he accidentally stumbles onto the crime scene and easily pins it on you. You’re not done yet.

“Honestly? No clue. I’m searching for them myself, like, everyone’s scattered. I hope no one died.”

You smile. You tried not to, but you can’t contain it, “Me, too.” You echo the sentiment, urging him to join you, and he does. Too trusting. Everyone in this game is too fucking trusting. You lead him back to Nav, feigning that you have a task here. As you pretend to move the spaceship, you can’t help but ask, “Hey, James?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s your favorite scary movie?”

A beat of silence passes, “Oh no, fuck that, I don’t like this at all.” He states, about to spin on his heel and bolt like he should do, but you’re quicker-- killer instincts and all-- and he’s dead before he makes it out the doorway.

“See, after your No More Lies video, I figured you’d only tell the truth.” Yes, this is the part of the anime where the villain monologues, only the hero in this case is an astronaut cut in half, and not exactly alive to listen to you. You hope James’ ghost sticks around, “Case in point, why the fuck did you tell Quackity he’s tall?” You eye the chat, which’s mostly spamming W and comparing you to Ryo from Devilman Crybaby. “Such a shame...” You murmur, pressing the REPORT button.

“What?! How are so many people dead?!” Ash gasps, her kind voice tinted with fear and confusion. Your three kills, like military stars on an uniform of a distinguished officer, are displayed on the board. Dream appears to be slacking, having yet to take a life.

“Someone’s been real fucking busy.” Charlie observes. It’s true, you have been.

“I found James in Nav, but holy shit--” You begin, exasperated, “--what the fuck, guys, how did we miss this shit? Where is everyone?”

“I’m at Electrical.” Corpse voices.

“And I’m with Corpse.” One sentence is all it takes to figure out your next target: Bretman. Revenge for being killed first in the first goddamn round, and for spending so much time with your boyfriend.

Eep!!! Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend!!! The word even makes you forget your thirst for blood, that’s how whipped you are. Sadly, it’s time to return to reality, to this grave situation.

“And what have the two of you been conspiring?” You keep your tone level, but that alone is enough to set everyone off. The unease you had planted within them before the game started is starting to bloom. However, if they suspect you, they don’t speak up, not yet.

“Fishnets, mostly.” Corpse says.

only partly a lie he was mostly talking abt u queen <3

corpse simping for y/n is the sweetest thing ever

the times corpse used y/ns name when talking abt y/n: 1. the times he used baby or my baby: infinite

“I’m wearing them right nyoooow.” Bretman drawls.

You hum, “What a coincidence. I am, too.”

“Wait--For real?” That seems to catch Corpse’s attention, because of course it does, you picked them with him in mind, after all.

“No peeping.” You tsk, obviously referring to his tendency to hop onto your stream unprompted. Whether he actually listens to your demands is beyond you, “Peeping means cheating.”

“For the love of fuck all, can we get back to the three dead bodies, please? Because I’m about to have a second coming of Christ moment and taste my consumed, digested beer for the second time.” Charlie interjects.

“I mean, anyone have any ideas who’d do this?” Dream takes hold of the conversation. Quiet, disappointed nos greet him. They have nothing to go on, no clues, not even a subliminal message. With everyone scattered, there is no way of locating the actual bodies and drawing a long red trail leading back to you.

You’re too good at lying, and Dream is too good of a publicist. People tend to trust his judgement, which is his main asset (besides his calm demeanor of course). When the Among Us gods chose you as Impostor, they made sure you had every advantage.

“Who-Who do you think it is, Dream?” Ash questions, “I trust you. I do. Just know that.”

“No fucking clue.”

“Y/n?” She tries again.

“Same. I’m a bit worried, though.”

“Let’s, uhhh, let’s skip?” Sykkuno offers. The consensus is to start voting at six. Your new mission is to make sure you dwindle the numbers down drastically before that can happen. You have no qualms about sacrificing Dream in order to meet your goals, either. Absolutely cold blooded.

Back at Cafeteria, there are words exchanged about Quackity’s body just laying there, forgotten. Blame is shifted: how come we didn’t notice sooner? Where’s Rae? And you mindlessly go along with their mourning, not really paying attention. Dream leaves with Charlie and Sykkuno, Corpse requests you stay with him and you sprout fake apologies. Not his time yet. Us girls need to stick together!, you sing, following after Ashley and getting further and further away from him, going deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of the spaceship.

You find yourself in Security with her, her cute astronaut pressed to the cameras, watching the live feed, “Let’s lurk here, okay? Maybe we’ll see something.” If only she saw who was standing behind her.

“Who do you think is the Impostor?” You ask, standing in the doorway, “Or, more like, who are the Impostors?”

“Honestly?” She ends her word with a little sigh, “I think it might be Corpse and Bretman. I haven’t seen them at all this game.”

You smile, raising your brows, tilting your heard, and you sound so kind, like a dear old friend about to deliver a tender message, “...Have you seen me?”

“SHIT!”

Too late. In one smooth motion she joins the afterlife. You cut the lights, venting mindlessly till you spot Corpse and Bretman panicking in Weapons. Your existence is still a mystery to them.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck--” Corpse mumbles, “Bretman, don’t you dare fucking kill me right now.”

“I’m not Impostor!”

“Okay, I’ll drink to that.”

They rush out of Weapons, most likely on their way to Electrical, and you trail after them like the Grim Reaper itself, biding your time till you can deliver the killing blow.

“Corpse?!” You call out, mild panic ringing in your voice, “Is that you?”

“Shit, Y/n? Where are you?” He questions. Crew vision is so sad, so small, how can he not see you standing almost right next to him? “Where’s Ash?”

“I dunno,” You say, “when the lights went out I ran. Please don’t kill me.”

“I’d never do that, baby.”

Too easy. They’re all too fucking easy. You bite your lower lip, trying to stop the laugh bubbling in your chest, to stop the lightheaded dizziness that overcomes you with a rush of excitement.

“Thanks, pretty boy.” You mutter, and it sounds a bit lower than you intended, a bit darker, something sinister lurking underneath cotton candy words. It instantly clicks in Bretman and he makes a noise, something like a whine, and you see him backing away, “I know I can always trust you.”

Whether Corpse notices the odd shift in tone, he doesn’t show it, “I like it when you call me that.” Is all he says, and you hear the smile in his voice, the appreciation. The trek to Electrical is all but forgotten. You slowly make your way to Bretman, “Where are you? Come here.”

“Just a minute,” You say cheerily, “I just need to kill Bret first.”

“Holy shit.”

“N-” Your victim’s sentence is cut off in a second, and you can’t contain your manic cackle this time, because the screen bleeds red, the words VICTORY splattered on it, depicting yours and Dream’s sneaky astronauts. You’re still laughing as the voices of your fallen friends ring in your ears.

“Y/n, what the fuck, you’re an actual monster.” Dream says, but there’s no actual weight behind his words, each syllable punctured with a laugh.

“I knew the second she asked me about my favorite scary movie that I’d get the chop.” James states.

“Wait, Y/n, did you kill everyone?” Corpse questions.

“She fucking did!” Dream answers for you, “I got Charlie and Sykkuno, and barely at that. What the fuck.”

“I’ve been waiting so fucking long for this.” You admit, giggling, raising you glass, “I toast to you, Dream. My perfect partner in crime.”

“I didn’t really do shit, but cheers.”

Quackity heaves a heavy sigh, “Y/n, Y/n, you don’t actually think I’m weird, right? Right?”

“No, she does.” James chimes.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU, DUDE?!”

More commotion, more noise, and you just sit there, buzzed, snickering, reading the chat as the rest agree to play another round. You thank the people who donated that you had accidentally missed among the, you know, murder, reply to a few questions, bow dramatically to the many praises and invisible flowers you receive for such beautiful assassin work. When you look back at the screen, you throw your head back with a maniacal laugh.

Impostor again, only this time it’s with Charlie. Family bonds are often restored when united under a common goal. You’re so happy. So happy. You weren’t done terrorizing your friends yet.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse social media au #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband fic #corpse husband social media au #social media au #myso #make you say oh #quackity #dream smp #corpse x y/n #imagine #imagines #reader #xreader

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rachaelswrites · 3 years

Text

When In Madripoor

Bucky Barnes x Daughter!reader

Word Count: 1,719

Requested By: Anonymous

Hi love I don’t know if your taking any requests right now but I was just wondering if you could do a bucky x teen with some fluff and angst? Where maybe they get hurt on a mission idk you have free creative roam ☺️ I just love your stories tfaws rewrite was my favorite 🤗 keep up the good work

A/N: This takes place during episode three of fatws so reader is about 15

Warnings: Description of injuries, blood, mentions of gunshots/fights, slight violence, some curse words (let me know if I forget any)

You expected things to go horribly wrong when your dad convinced both you and Sam that breaking Zemo out of jail was a good idea. You hated Zemo and didn’t trust him. You most definitely didn’t want to use his help to take down the Flagsmashers but there weren’t any other options. So soon enough, you found yourself on a plane with Zemo, alongside your dad and Sam.

The trip went by way too quickly for your liking and the four of you touched down in Madripoor. You all had to change and get ready to go find Zemo’s contact here. The four of you made your way to the bar, but so easily as you had hoped.

You and your dad had to take on your old personas to get your way and the answers you needed. You were a bit rusty in your fighting techniques and it became clear when a man came up behind you and tried to cut your arm on a piece of broken glass. Luckily for you, he wasn’t good at aim and barely grazed your arm. You could still feel the blood start to trickle down but you were able to ignore it.

Once Zemo deemed enough damage was done, he let you and Bucky stop fighting and you four made your way up to the lounge area to talk to Selby. That talk didn’t go much better, seeing as the four of you were running for your lives through the streets of the city.

Guns were going off everywhere and you had to duck and swerve to avoid getting hit by bullets. Motorcycles came up behind you, making it even harder to avoid them. The only reason why you, Sam, and Bucky left unharmed was because of Sharron, who saved all your asses.

“Sharron? What are you doing here?” your dad asked her.

“I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up so I had to go off the grid,” she said. She glanced over at you, “Are you okay?” she asked you.

You shot her a confused look. Sharron barely knew you so why would she care if you were okay, “Yeah I’m fine,” you said.

“Well you don’t look fine,” she said, motioning to your torso.

You glanced down and saw what she had seen. The left side of your suit was a lot darker than the right and when you placed your hands over the fabric, it was wet, “Shit,” you mumbled, quickly trying to think of what to do.

Bucky whipped his head over to you and saw the scene, “Are you shot?” he asked, rushing over to you, “Oh my God why didn’t you say anything Y/n!”

“I didn’t realize I’m sorry,” you said. It was true. You hadn’t felt the bullet graze your side due to the adrenaline from the earlier chase so you didn’t sense any pain.

“Let me get you guys somewhere safe and then you can take care of that,” Sharron said, starting to lead you all away and to her place.

Bucky watched over you as you made your way through the city, trying to avoid all the people. He held onto you, making sure you didn’t stray too far from the group or making sure you didn’t trip and fall.

“I’m sorry dad,” you mumbled. You felt bad for getting hurt and not realizing it.

“Don’t apologize Y/n,” he responded, “It’s not your fault. Let’s just get you fixed up, yeah?”

You nodded and let him lead you to Sharron’s.

~~~~~

Once everyone was settled in, Bucky led you over to the couch with Sam and Sharron right behind him. They were all hovering over you when all you really wanted was some space.

“Can you guys back up please? I need some space,” you said, scooting away from them.

“Sorry but we need to check out your injuries,” your dad said.

You knew what he was asking so you quickly took off the top layer of your suit top, leaving you in just a plain t-shirt. Before you got the chance to roll your shirt up to expose your side wound, your dad’s eyes landed on the cut on your arm.

He quickly grabbed your arm to get a better look at it, “Seriously Y/n? When did this one happen?” he knew it was recent, seeing as the blood was still wet and hadn’t dried completely.

“In the bar. Some guy cut me. I guess it’s worse than I thought,” you said, pulling your arm away from him.

Bucky was trying hard to keep his composure. He wasn’t mad at you but at himself. He was the one who let you leave New York with him and he was the one who brought you along. It was his fault you were hurt. He had gone years protecting you and keeping you from harm but he felt like he failed today.

“Let’s just get this taken care of,” Sam said. He wanted to get you back on your feet as soon as possible. He would never admit it but he cared for you like a younger sister and didn’t like seeing you hurt.

“Yeah just get me what I need and I can do it,” you said. You had to sew yourself up multiple times before and you were a pro at it by now.

“No,” your dad said, taking the supplies Sharron had gathered.

“Dad, come on. You can’t do it,” you said, reaching for the supplies. You were right. Bucky never had to do that type of stuff on himself. He was always taken care of by HYDRA medics, due to their want of him being in perfect condition. You on the other hand, they could have cared less about you. They made you fix yourself up all the time so by the age of ten, you were already able to sew up deep gashes and bullet wounds.

“You can show me. I don’t want you to do it on yourself,” Bucky argued back.

“Well I’m not letting you do it. You’ll mess up and hurt me,” you argued. You reached for the supplies again but Bucky held them above your head so you couldn’t get them.

“Let me do it then,” you heard Zemo say from the other side of the room, “I have plenty of experience in this department,” he said, walking over to the couch.

“Absolutely not,” you spat, “I’m not letting you anywhere near me. Especially not with a freaking needle.”

“I have no intention to hurt you Y/n,” he replied.

You scoffed, “Oh really? Cause last time I checked-” Bucky cut you off.

“Y/n let him do it,” he said.

“What?” you shouted, “You’re going to let him, a murderer and someone who framed you for a bombing, do surgery on me? You’re nuts.”

“He’s the only one who can do it,” he said to you softly, “Trust me, I’m not a fan of the idea either but I don’t want you getting even more hurt,” he explained. He put his hand on your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, “I’ll be here and I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything okay?”

You didn’t respond. You just furrowed your brows, staring between Zemo and your dad.

“Hey,” your dad said, getting you to look at him, “You trust me right?”

You nodded so your dad let Zemo come over and sit down next to you, “Be careful,” Bucky said to Zemo, “You hurt her and I’ll turn you back in.”

“Understood,” Zemo said.

You rolled up the sleeve of your shirt so he could attend to the cut on your arm.

“This may sting a bit,” he said before he started to clean the area around the cut. You grabbed your dad’s hand and squeezed it hard.

“That was more than a bit,” you hissed.

“Apologies,” he said. He moved on to start the actual process of stitches. It hurt like hell but it would be nowhere near as painful as the injury on your stomach.

“Now for the big one,” Zemo said.

You rolled up your shirt just enough so the injury was exposed and you stopped Zemo before he could start cleaning the area, “Let him do this part,” you said.

Zemo nodded before handing your dad the gauze he was using to clean your wound. He was gentle, making sure to not press too hard. He could tell you were still in a lot of pain and any adrenaline that had been easing the pain was now gone.

“Sam, can you go and get her something for the pain?” Bucky asked.

Sam nodded and left to go find Sharron and something to help you.

Bucky heard you hiss and then curse under your breath, making him turn his attention back to you. Zemo had already started stitching your side and you were not having it.

“Fuck it hurts,” you whined. You had started to squirm, probably making it worse.

“Stop moving. That’s why it hurts,” Zemo said, not taking his eyes off his work.

“Easy for you to say,” you snapped.

“Y/n just relax,” Bucky said. He grabbed your hand and tried to comfort you the best he could by rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. It didn’t work too well though. You were still cursing under your breath with every stitch and moving around.

Sam returned with water and some pills as soon as Zemo had finished.

“About time,” you said, taking the things from him and downing them, “I could’ve used this like five minutes ago.”

“Just get some rest kiddo,” Sam said, ignoring the glare he was receiving from you.

“Well you guys need my help right now so this will do,” you said, standing up from the couch.

“Just stay here and rest,” your dad said, gently pushing you back to the couch, “Once we find out where we need to go next, we’ll come and get you.”

Arguing with your dad wouldn’t help you right now so you decided to just listen and lay back on the couch. Bucky grabbed a blanket and tossed it over you, letting you get comfortable. He watched as you snuggled into it, closing your eyes and falling asleep quickly.

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mrskurono · 3 years

Text

a/n: this is the first installment(?) of the Nori brain rot from ages ago w/a Studio Ghibli vibe, idk man this just happened word count: 2.2k tags: post!Shibuya arc, possible spoilers, blood, violence, cursing(?), heavily Hoizer inspired, kinda edited character(s): Noritoshi Kamo, fem!sorcerer reader pt ll

Curses stank.

In a metaphorical sense yes. But also in a literal sense for you.

These twisted beings permeated your senses like a rot that you could never rid. Unless exorcised they stuck around in your nostril for days. Each one a different smell but all of them stuck in your craw all the same.

Beasts of rancid nature in behaviors and looks. Nothing more than to be exorcised by sorcerers. You learned quickly that exorcising the curses was no different than taking out week old trash.

What you hadn’t planned on was someone doing more than dumping trash on the world. Whatever had happened. Suddenly you were faced with more than just dutiful tasks of keeping non sorcerers safe. A monsoon of trash had been dumped not only on you. But every human in this world.

Your nostrils burned. And you couldn’t be rid of these things quick enough. Each one you exorcised only meant two or three popped up in their place. Never ending. You couldn’t stomach this smell though. It wouldn’t kill you before you got a breath of fresh air.

Glancing around you take a deep breath. Mountain air on the outskirts of Kyoto during this time of year always meant a refreshing break from the city stank. What you smelled wasn’t refreshing. It was that same vile smell you could clearly recall.

A curse. One that was close too.

To thread carefully was to perhaps save your life. Every aspect of daily life ripped from you. As well of millions of others. You had done your part to try and protect those around you. Soon finding it in slight vain as you sought out some place to find your own breath of fresh air in this madness.

‘It’s close....I feel like I’m gonna hurl.’ Thoughts toying with where the curse might have hidden itself. You keep a firm grip on your hilt with every intent to draw it the second the creature made the mistake of slipping up.

Where you could smell it lurking. There was something else. Almost metallic in scent. You ignored it though. Nothing over powered the scent of a curse. You longed for just the sight of these things. Told over and over again how handy it was to have more than one sense open to curses. Each and every time you took a whiff of one, it made you wish nothing more than to just be able to see these creatures instead of smell them as well.

‘Wait-’ Every alarm in your body went off. Snapping around you couldn’t smell the rancid putridness of the curse anymore. That same metallic scent hung around though. You couldn’t identify it. It was something you’d never smelt before but also so familiar.

Each hair on the back of your neck rose. This was an old deserted Buddhist temple. No one should have been here except you and the curse ransacking the place. A safe haven or so you thought. When your instinct told you to step behind one of the structural beams. You were suddenly glad you did.

Mere inches from your face, the gust of an arrow whistled past you. Weapons were not used by curses. Now you understood. That smell was human.

Quick to defend yourself, with sword drawn, you didn’t expect the same arrow to make a hard one eighty back in the direction you were. No wooden pillar to save you now. You raise your sword just quick enough to sheer the object in half. Rendering what ever power it was imbued with useless. As it had sped past you though the faint smell of iron suddenly became strong. Whatever it was from had a source. Likely human.

Not ready to give up your ideal hiding place to some interloper. You take only a second to focus on the unfamiliar smell. Faint. And not like a curse. There was something towards the back of the temple though that hinted that they were lurking where you couldn’t see them.

With an idea of where the attack would come from. When another arrow came flying by you from a faceless source, you were ready. Smacking it down before the enchanted weapon could turn on you like the first had. This time though you’d seen what angle the projectile was fired from.

‘Gotcha,’ No shortage of ways around a deteriorated temple like this. You duck down through a few broken beams and make your way up to where the attack came from.

Expecting to have but a lowly sniper sitting with no way to guard themselves. You find no one. But the scent lingered. Scrutinizing it closer you decided maybe to use a different sense, “...Hey, I know you’re not a curse! Neither am I! Maybe if you just-” Words cut off by another arrow whizzing past you. There was nothing ruder than being interrupted. Glowering in the direction that the arrow came from now you tightened you grip on your sword, “Ok! I get it- Strangers we might not-”

Another arrow. This time too close to your head for comfort. You lost your patience with the third one.

Recklessly charging towards the assailant was clearly enough to throw their game off track. Swinging your weapon before seeing what it was to lie before you. It was a surprise when your blade met with the dull thud of the wooden limb of a bow.

“What the-” You attack deflected for the moment being. Your first instinct is to jump back from whoever deflected your attack. In close enough range you thought you had the upper hand to avoid the bow. But that was purely lazy thinking on your part as the cause of the stank of iron became clear.

“Slicing exorcism!” This nobody who reeked of iron shot what looked to be a shuriken made of blood at you.

No time to be disgusted. An overwhelming scent of blood made it apparent what you’d been smelling. It wasn’t a simple metal. It was blood.

“Oh- Oh!” You raise your blade up in the nick of time to just get the splatter of cold liquid on your cheeks. Disgusted in passing you have no time to dwell as the stranger before you makes to dart away. With their head of dark hair in your line of sight, you weren’t ready to try and re-find them once again in this maze of debris.

Lurching forward you feel the upper hand stall when they stopped your attack once more with the brute of their bow. Clear view of them now. The man who’d clearly fired the arrows was all but composed when shaking off your attack. No way to not suspect another sorcerer caught up in this giant trash heap of curse attacks. You still have no time to play nice when they hurl another blood conjured weapon at you.

In such suddenness you are less lucky than you have been. This one catching your cheek and causing a sting to spread throughout the skin of your face. Fed up with this game you don’t care if he’s a sorcerer or not. This was a one for all situation now that you intended to win.

Firm foot hold found. You realize the man has cornered himself at this point. Range attacks out of the question. Undoubtedly giving you the upper hand now. With a hefty swing of your sword and the first time you’d channeled any energy into at all. You bring it down like a guillotine. Ready to strike flesh. Instead the snap of the bow is your first sign of an upper hand.

All but trash the man throws it aside but too slowly. You’re on him before the range attacker can pull that weird blood trick again. Slight intent to kill as if he were a curse. You swipe your foot down and knock him down to the temple floor with a hard thud.

You waste no time between the moment his head hit the ground and your above him. Tip of your blade pressed to his neck. One breath too deep from him and the sharp tip would pierce his pale skin. Eyes fixated down on him you realize in the moments after your adrenaline fades that he’s staring right up at you.

Sharp tongue your words come out curt only to be interruped right away, “Who are-”

“Another sorcerer-” His eyes open from the slits they’d remained in the skirmish, “What are you doing here? How did you-”

“I get to ask the questions!” You snarl, jabbing his throat with your sword just enough to watch a crimson bead peak from under the tip of your weapon, “You attacked me, what are you doing up here? Why were you-”

“...you’re so pretty-” Suddenly his eyes open wide realizing what he said, “Wait I didn’t-”

“Shut up or I’ll cut your throat out!” Your sword pressing uncomfortably into the side of his neck now, “I asked you a question! Why are you up here!?”

“Kamo-”

“What? What are you-”

“Kamo family!” He quickly sputtered, “Head of the Kamo family!”

The name rang a bell somewhere in your frazzled brain.

“I’m the head-” He suddenly registered really the blade to his neck, “I’m looking for stragglers-”

“In an abandoned temple?” You weren’t buying it.

“My people live just down the hill,” He spoke earnestly, “I had to keep the stragglers safe when the curses released from their seals in the keep. Some where up here but-”

“I killed them,” You glared down at him, “I killed all but the one you shot. How long were you up here? Were you following me?”

A shake of his head even as he stared at the glimmer of your sword, “No. I was looking for anyone who came up here. I didn’t expect to find another sorcerer. I felt your cursed energy and assumed you were a curse.”

Eyes narrowing you didn’t like the sound of something so simple to this pretty face, “...I don’t believe you. Give me a reason I shouldn’t kill you right now or else-”

“Noritoshi-” He blurted out, “Noritoshi Kamo. Head of the Kamo family. I can give you some place safe to stay. I don’t understand what’s going on but-”

You lift the blade from his throat. Something about the diligent tone in his voice. Like he’d introduced himself like that a million times. You could kill him but it seemed a waste. Weapon retracted but no offer to help him up. You stand above him with a confounded glare, “...do you know what’s happening?”

His head shook and your stomach dropped. Noritoshi didn’t get up. Only propping himself up slightly when he realized the back of his head was thumping from the impact, “....A special grade curse released a powerful seal in Shibuya about two weeks ago...I saw but....” His face became somber and he shook his head once again, “...I don’t know what’s been going on. I just know things are in disarray and it’s my duty to protect my people.”

Once more you were skeptical but with how little rest you’d gotten in the past few days due to the tremendous increase in curses. This man’s words seemed as solid as any other theory you’d heard. More so than the plea of non sorcerer’s you listened to day in and day out about the end of times.

“...Has the Jujutsu elders said anything?” You step off him completely. If he was speaking the truth maybe he knew what was going on as an actual heir to one of the clans.

Noritoshi looked up at you a moment longer, “No...there’s been a wide emergency notice to do what you can but our numbers....” He grew quiet, “...as many sorcerers seem to be dying as the rest of Japan.”

Perhaps the end of times were coming. You grip your sword hilt tight and take a deep breath, “....seems a angel of death is coming then whether we like it or not.”

“You’re a sorcerer.” He began to get to his feet, “Please, come with me. If anything to stay away from here. There is a grave yard on the other side of the thicket. More curses will come. No one should be here even as a sorcerer yourself.”

First hand you’d seen the influx he spoke of. From every direction. While out of the city provided some safety you knew that this place left you as vulnerable as any other if you stayed alone. With no words to be spoken of from the elders. And an age of curses threatening to crowd out humans. Like a trash pile reaching it’s capacity. You didn’t see much choice in this one.

“...I will kill you if I find out you’re lying to me.” Voice firm without breaking eye contact with him as you sheath your sword, “I smell one curse in this safe space of yours and I’ll-”

“Kill me, yes,” Noritoshi nodded with both busted ends of his bow in his hands as he looked on at you, “I am not lying but if you see fit, I’ll accept you as my angel of death then.”

a/n: I have one wine cooler in me as I finish this. This might be a multi part if the inspiration finds me. Anyways, um, yeah! This is an old idea coming so pls let me know if you liked it!

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #jjk noritoshi #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

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