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jackandspaghetti · 5 months

Text

not a vacation. (jack hughes x female reader, smut)

summary: they just wanted to get freaky w no distractions, life is hard. and jack has been too, so these two goofies needed some satisfaction! they figured a hotel was the way to do it. dont ask me, im just the messenger. this was written via divine inspiration.

warnings: sex (p in v) unprotected (assume bc), praise, idk man this is my first time im a virgin to writing smut

other notes: random context, i think Y/N is in college for this and also she is living w jack. its a fic bae don't read into all that too much

wc: 3k

Y/N and Jack are finally on vacation. Well, it’s only for a couple nights, and they do not have plans to do anything. They really just wanted to get away. With all of Jack’s hockey stuff finally done for the season, and with Y/N’s academic year having come to a close, they just needed a break.

Originally, they were just going to spend time together at their own house. They do it all the time, and they certainly enjoy it, but that did not feel like enough of a reset. Their families could still show up at their door at any moment, or even solicitors were enough to ruin their peace in each other’s company. So, they decided they would go to a random town not too far away and stay a few nights in a hotel. Somewhere that their families would not find them. Somewhere quiet. With few tourists. A place where there would be little noise to distract them, and few people to be distracted by the noise they would inevitably make together.

Anyway, this was not really a vacation. It was a desperate retreat to a place where Y/N and Jack could just immerse themselves in each other with no consequences or disruptions. Neither one even plans to leave the hotel for any reason except to quickly grab food or to stop at a convenience store.

The two check into their single-bed hotel room, a pretty nice one thanks to Jack’s being famous and everything. Neither one has brought many clothes. They don’t anticipate wearing them very often. The couple wastes no time in racing to their room for some privacy.

The minute they walk into their home for the next few days, Y/N throws her bags down and puts the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door handle. Then she locks the door and spins on her heels to face Jack. They both seem to let out a breath of relief. They have both been terribly horny for days. Not that they haven’t had sex in those days, but their desire just keeps returning. They can’t seem to get a break from it for any longer than Jack’s refractory period. So here they stand, in utter silence, staring at each other with hungry eyes in their new little hideaway. Each one waiting to see if the other will make a move.

Suddenly, Jack lunges at Y/N and wraps her up in a passionate, sensual kiss. He is breathing heavily into her mouth and already sounding like a hungry man who will do anything for a bite.

“Ohhhh Y/N,” he’s kissing her deeply. At some point, he picks her up, because now he’s carrying her and pushing her onto the neatly made hotel bed.

She immediately responds, moaning into his mouth and wrapping her legs around him when he lifts her. She feels the way her panties are soaked through and at that moment, she is desperate to be wearing nothing. To feel all of his skin against all of hers. She whimpers, “Oh god babe I’m so wet.”

Jack is on top of her now. He grunts when he hears that, and he pushes his own hips down onto hers. They are both still fully clothed, but his erection is no secret when it’s pressing against Y/N. And he can easily feel the intense heat radiating off of her through her sweatpants. These respective sensations are enough to make the two of them moan together, on fire with want as they notice each other’s arousal.

Jack whispers, “Mmmm feel that baby?”

Her voice is whiny and a little pathetic with frantic desire. “Not sure if you’re talking about you or me, but I feel us both. Jesus Christ you’re hard. Ohhhh fuck.”

He chuckles a bit at her little display of desperation, and he slides his warm hands into her sweater, onto the even warmer skin of her stomach. His voice is gentle, soothing, but intimidatingly so. It’s clear that behind it, he is trying to control an unusual amount of arousal, a primal need to have Y/N naked and flushed and sweating beneath him. These images are flashing through his mind when he says, “All for you. God, look at you.”

His hands slide further, hiking up her sweater and revealing a bit of her abdomen. Y/N sighs as those familiar fingers graze her skin. She hears the quietest groan in Jack’s chest, and the sound of his pleasure in this moment, from just touching her, multiplies her own pleasure tenfold. His hands are on her bra. Her nipples are so hard that they are obvious through the padding, and both Jack and Y/N make a strained noise when he feels them.

Y/N starts to grasp his sweatshirt, arching her back a bit with desperation, and Jack knows neither of them can live like this a second longer. His own dick is currently being suffocated as it strains for this girl.

“Clothes are so uncomfortable, aren’t they baby?” he pulls her sweater off in a sudden hurry, followed by his own sweatshirt. The clothes end up somewhere, who knows, the only important thing is that they aren’t here.

She whimpers, “Yeah…oh my god…” as she feels utterly overwhelmed by his determination.

Jack’s eyes hungrily scan Y/N’s partially exposed body as he makes quick work of his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping like he has been in this situation, urgently taking his pants off, many times before. He has. Then they are off and gone and no longer in the universe and he is only in his boxers, yanking Y/N’s pants off with a frustrated grunt.

She has not really been doing anything to help; she has just been watching him in awe, blushing at his urgency. She decides this is her chance. Y/N places her palm firmly against Jack’s hard, fabric-covered cock, rubbing a bit and relishing in the way it reacts to her. The way it seems to have a mind of its own, twitching and straining under her touch. Jack groans, very audibly this time, as he feels this and stares down at Y/N in her bra and panties, so beautiful and laying right beneath him. His voice is low, “I need you baby. I…” his voice drifts off, unable to think straight as he sees her looking so helpless for him.

Y/N finally speaks up, though the tension is so palpable that she can only manage a whisper for fear of shattering the moment. “Jack…” his eyes meet hers and she whimpers, “please, Jack.”

Normally, he would do a whole “please what?” thing and make her spell it out for him that she desperately wants him to fuck her. But this time, he is so hard that he just makes a noise in his throat and pulls his boxers off, setting his throbbing dick free. He runs his hands over Y/N’s bra before slipping them under her back and unhooking it, letting the cursed thing fall off her shoulders and throwing it into the abyss that is the world outside of this one embrace.

Y/N is immediately relieved and also sent into a fit of deeper arousal when she sees his cock, throbbing with need and dripping pre-cum, hard and ready to go, all for her. She doesn’t wait for him to take her panties off, she just lifts her hips and does it herself so that they are now both naked, stripped bare before each other and each one loving the other.

But forget that—this is about the sex.

Jack grabs her thighs and roughly pushes them wide apart, staring between them. He smirks, “Mmmmm poor thing. A pussy this wet can only mean you’re aching for me.”

A soft gasp escapes Y/N’s lips. “Yeah…” her breath is shaky, “it’s your fault.”

“All this? Plus all that was in your panties?” his voice drops to a whisper as he leans close to her ear, “I’m the only guy who can make you this wet, hm?”

“Yes.”

He seems proud of himself. Of course, he already knew all that, but that doesn’t mean hearing it is any less hot. His lips are just barely brushing against her ear, and she can feel his breath when he adds, “I’m the only one who can see this pretty thing? Touch you like this?”

This time, it just comes out of her. “Yes daddy.” She wasn’t even trying to do that. Something just comes over her sometimes when he acts like this, and her eyes widen when she realizes. Her face turns red.

But Jack isn’t bothered. He smirks. Almost chuckles a bit. He kisses right below her ear, sliding his hand down her waist and softly rubbing it against her stomach. Then, in that low, intimate voice, “Mmmm what was that?”

Y/N is losing her mind. She doesn’t know how he does all this when she knows he is equally desperate, but apparently her calling him daddy makes him want to mess with her. She’s not having it. She’s not too proud to say it again and make it a little more flowery this time. She sounds really helpless and a little louder when she responds, “I’m all yours, daddy. Take everything, I don’t care, just fuck me please.”

She doesn’t have to tell him twice. He lines himself up with her, purposefully letting his tip rub against her clit for a moment first. That makes her gasp. Then, “Sure, baby,” and he is pushing his dick into her, groaning a bit as the pressure and warmth of her pussy soothes his aching erection. “Shit, this is good.”

Y/N moans, her walls adjusting around him as she adapts to the sensation, and the feeling of being filled like that gives her face a glowy, though dazed, look. Her voice matches the look in a way, “Fuck…you feel so good daddy.”

“Mmm yeah?” he starts to slide in and out of her in a rhythm, slowly at first, “You like me on top of you, princess?”

He keeps going slowly, but starts to run his hand up her body, leaning in close as she whines, “Yes, daddy…ohhhh…” she doesn’t really know what to say. Her brain isn’t formulating responses when hes so close to her, touching her like that, fucking her like that, breathing on her skin.

“Good girl,” he slowly starts to kiss along her jaw, speeding up his thrusts just a bit. He seems to want this to last, but when he has been wanting her this bad, he has a limit to how much he can hold back. His lips eventually reach her ear, and he whispers, “This is where you belong. Right here under me baby. Your legs spread; your pussy wrapped around my cock like this.”

She gasps, then her exhale is just a moan. She starts to run her hands along his sides and his back, desperate to feel more of him as her breath becomes labored.

“Soooo wet…” his voice feels like poison, like it’s incapacitating her, but in such an addictive way; it’s like a drug. He grunts softly before speaking again, “and so, so tight…you feel like heaven, princess.” His hand reaches her breast and gently kneads the flesh as he starts thrusting his dick into her harder, though not any faster, feeling and relishing in the way her walls tighten and react to every adjustment.

Her eyes are fluttering as he praises the way she feels for him. Her nipples are hard, begging for stimulation when she feels his hand on her breast. It’s like he reads her mind, because in an instant he is teasing her nipple with his thumb, starting to plant hot, wet kisses on her neck. “Ohhhh…oh Jack,” she moans as he overloads her with pleasure all over, the sensations piling up and boiling over and causing her pussy to react, squeezing his dick for a moment as she arches her back just the slightest bit.

“Mmhmmm what about me baby? How does daddy’s cock feel?” His voice sounds rough, and he has to start fucking her faster. He needs more as he kisses and bites every sensitive spot on her neck that he knows so well, rubbing her precious breast with that one hand while his other arm is wrapped around her waist, supporting a bit of his weight against the bed. Her skin is hot and it’s all for him, “Tell me sweetheart.”

“Daddy…oh god it feels perfect…ohhh fuck it’s…mmm right there, daddy,” she whimpers as his dick rubs repeatedly against her g-spot, “so hard…fuck, you’re so hard and you stretch me out so good…” Her legs wrap around him, and she sighs under the weight of his warm body.

His mouth finds its way back to her lips, and now he’s moaning as well, making pleasured noises into her mouth as he fucks her hard and fast, feeling her tightness threatening to make him bust any minute now. He is panting as he speaks into the kiss, “Fuck, baby. Keep up that whimpering and shit.” He softly bites her bottom lip for a moment before he can’t do it anymore. He can’t focus on kissing her when her body feels like that. He adjusts his weight onto the other side and now the hand that was supporting him is all over her; it’s on her waist, on her breast, on her neck for a moment. Then it rests on her hip as he thrusts into her over and over and over again, watching the way her tits bounce from the force of his movements.

She does indeed keep up the whimpering. She is a moaning mess by now, her eyes closed more often than not, like her body doesn’t want to sense anything but this feeling. The warmth in her lower abdomen blooms like a flower, then spreads through her body like a flame. She is gasping with every breath, moaning with almost every exhalation. Y/N feels Jack’s cock staring to twitch inside her. She feels her own telltale spasms that come before orgasm too, crying out with pleasure, “Daddy!!! Ohhhhhh!!”

A small grunt escapes Jack’s chest with every thrust and his hand is gripping her hip so hard, squeezing the flesh like his life might depend on it. Their heavy breaths mix as he puts his face against hers. Sounds of panting and moaning fill the room, along with the sounds of the sheets rustling just slightly under their movements, and of course the sound of wet slapping as his pelvis repeatedly pounds into hers.

Jack speaks in a rough, strained voice, “I’m so fucking close baby. Oh, fuck you make daddy feel so damn good.”

Y/N replies frantically, almost pathetically, “Me too oh god me too. I’m gonna cum daddy oh you feel so good.”

He groans and speaks again, urgency in his voice now, though not replacing the sound of authority that has been there this whole time, “Fuck! Okay princess I need you to let go. Cum for daddy c’mon baby.”

If she wasn’t already going to cum just from the sensations of all this, those words definitely do the trick. She is suddenly arching her back and curling her toes, sweating and crying out in pleasure. Her orgasm hits her like a truck, causing her to convulse around Jack and writhe with the overwhelming feeling of it all. As for her face, her eyes roll back before they flutter shut, her mouth is open, her head tilted back slightly on the pillow, her cheeks flushed a bright shade of red. Y/N looks like the picture of female pleasure.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by Jack, who sees the way she cums for him, sees the way her face looks all because of him, and feels the way her pussy squeezes the life out of his dick. He pumps into her for only a second more before he grunts loudly, driving his cock deep inside her and groaning as he feels himself release.

Y/N sighs as she feels that familiar warmth filling her up deep inside, feeling his cock spasm as he empties his load.

Jack is nearly paralyzed for a moment until he is all done, when he collapses on top of her, his face buried right where Y/N’s neck meets her shoulder. He lets his dick slip out of her as he starts to soften. He places a gentle kiss right where his lips are resting against her skin, and then a slow, quiet groan is heard from deep within his chest.

Y/N smiles and tries to control her breathing. She weakly lifts a hand to stroke his hair and the back of his neck, feeling a small amount of Jack’s nut mixed with her own wetness slowly dripping out of her. She sighs and can’t hold back a little giggle, “So that was good then?”

He just wraps his arms around her tighter and nuzzles his face deeper into her neck as he groans again. Y/N laughs. She uses her free hand to soothingly caress his back, feeling his toned muscles under that lovely skin, “Mmmm I see. You’re speechless.”

Jack chuckles into her neck and gives her another soft kiss there before lifting his head to look down at her. He strokes the hair around her face a bit, “Pretty…”

She smiles, “Good sex too?”

He laughs and hugs her tightly again, returning to his newly declared home nuzzled in her neck. There is a slight pause before Y/N hears and feels a soft voice against her skin, “The best sex.”

She nods with approval and pride in herself, then responds with a whisper, “I love you.”

“I love you. I’m gonna fall asleep here.”

Y/N chuckles and continues to caress him. She was calling him daddy earlier, but normally that melts away and they are just their barest selves after the excitement. She whispers, “Okay then.”

She hears one last little grunt from him and her heart melts as he falls asleep.

#jack hughes #nj devils #new jersey devils #jack hughes smut #nhl smut #hockey fic #jack hughes fic #jack hughes one shot #hockey smut #smut

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 9 months

Note

no please bc just once I wanna make hobie nervous flustered.. like why can’t he can’t be intimated by me why I always gotta be intimidated by him 🙄🙄

TRULLLYY The opportunities are endless!! Let's talk about it!!!!!!!!!!!

Hobie Brown Loves Feminists and Defying the Patriarchy aka Hobie Brown and Writing write Non-Conventional Romantic Relationships in 'x-readers'

[this is an analysis where I analyze Hobie Brown, non-conventional relationships, and how feminism factors in to it all. Basically a critique/dive/rant into the narrow 'x-reader culture' in the Hobie Fandom

I touch on issues in Smut, labels, and how we can write 'Y/N's that challenge that status quo and fit Hobie better. I also break down how I personally use feminist themes to write a non-conventional relationship for Hobie.] [Also there's now a PART 2 HERE]

Despite the man from the 1970's - the era of bra-burning second-wave feminism - I don't ever think I've seen anyone talk about it, him, and how it influences him.

We all know Hobie isn't down with labels, but it seems like in X-Fem!Reader, the only two options out there are play-boy guitarist and traditional out-of-the-box boyfriend.

Hobie. The man he follows no social quo. Don't expect flowers from him.

Hobie diverges from the norm in nearly every way, and he does it purposefully and intentionally. And I think that'd extend to his romantic relationships too.

So why do we only see him in heteronormative, traditional gender-role based relationships?

Would Hobie be into this? And does the way we write him and his relationships in x-writers serve Hobie emotionally, allowing him to be a full character? (No, they don't.)

How can begin to acknowledge that, just like Hobie cares about race, and class, and housing and queer rights - he'd care about feminism too.

And how would that influence him in romance? How can we start writing healthier x-reader's?

We have enough insecure, blushing 'Y/N's being woo'd by [insert tumblr sexy man]'. Hobie can have so much more - in the words of Beyonce "Where the ladies up in here who like to talk back?!"

Hobie Brown, Romance, and Gender Roles

Why can I be the one calling him 'love', and 'darling', and 'sweetheart'?

Where's the fic where I'm the one comforting and taking care of him when he's sick/down?

Why can't Hobie be the one asked to be held?

There's something lacking here!!!!!!!

I honestly think Hobie would be into it, and find it very attractive - having a feminine partner who defies gender roles in their relationship purposefully and proudly.

Hobie loves subverting expectations and challenging society. So, and seeing many people unthinkingly assume he'd have a completely normal, routine heterosexual relationship without question -- uhhh I don't like that!!!

Like, Hobie is very clearly attractive. He's like 6'5", a guitarist, and punk. Let's be real, people of any gender are gonna be flirting with him, whether he's into it or not. He without a doubt gets flirted at all the time.

I think he'd love someone who cuts the bullshit and is like "You're really cute. I've got the biggest crush on you."

Not in a pushy way, but a relaxed way.

But I hardly ever see the x-reader advances being initiated by the reader. Why? It can be really nice to take the confidence to ask someone out and they say yes.

In fact, a lot of x-readers are written demure, passive, and down-right unhealthy in their ability to defend themselves and stand alone. So many are based off the x reader needing Hobie for some reason, whether it be confidence, or protection, or for him to teach them something.

Never Hobie needing the reader for something. Never Hobie being the one to express emotion and need comfort.

Which is funny, because Hobie can show emotions like anger, which he does in the comics. That's NEVER brought up in fics. In no fic do we have the reader witness Hobie hitting someone with a guitar or kicking them in the face. Which Hobie does do.

No, that's too violent for the romanticized fandom of Hobie. He has to be the good boyfriend to the shy girlfriend.

And I feel like there's a reason many of these x-readers are written this way - is heteronormativity and a dash of misogyny-flavored sexism involved??? maybe.

Especially with x fem readers, feminine people are always expected to be passive and submissive. Women in the real world are expected to mute their advances and 'be coy' for the sake of sexist 'respectability'.

We're taught that 'giving them the eyes' is (somehow??) an 'advance'. Or that you have to wait to be asked out or else you're 'too forward'.

[Insert Barbie Movie Monologue here]

Personally, I think Hobie would be SO refreshed by a girl who comes up to him and is like "Hey, are you busy on Friday? Do you wanna meet me then? I wanna go on a date with you."

Because, realistically 95% of the people in the Hobie fandom - including me - would probably be too nervous to even speak a sentence to Hobie.

So for someone to approach him directly, state their intentions, and be so open to potential rejection, that's impressive - I think he'd LOVE that shit!!!

I think it's a nice juxtaposition to have him with someone who diverges from the 'demure ideal of a girlfriend'.

A girl who walks around like Jessica Drew. Walks in the room like "My man is SEXY AF and he about to walk in so LOOK. BE JEALOUS."

I imagine so many people around him try to act like they DON'T like Hobie when they clearly do - and he can tell. So to have someone who isn't hiding it is a kind of candidness that differs from it all.

So often are women forced into the passive role of waiting to be 'chosen'. Fuck that, you want him, go get him.

Hobie, Romance, and Labels

I also think Hobie would REALLY like a partner who knows what they want.

I always see people be like 'Hobie doesn't like labels!! He wants to keep it casual!' or 'Nooo he was kidding about the labels thing - he'd love a committe-'

WHO SAYS HE'D BE THE ONE DEFINING THE SITUATION????????? WHO SAID HE GETS THE LAST SAY???!!!!!

I feel like Hobie would go fucking NUTS for a girl who is straight up like "yeah I'm just trying to fuck. Are you okay with that?" or "I like what we've got going on. I'm not looking for anything serious, but let's keep going."

Or a partner that is very clear about their labels. A person who's like "I like you but if you're not trying to be exclusive I'm gonna get a move on." Because he's not gonna have you out here looking DUMB, people better know you're in the mfing picture.

That's some grown ass shit! It shows she knows what she wants and that she's not wavering on it, even for him. He's with it. I don't think Hobie would be down to be like "I'm ur boyfriend now" OR "I'm ONLY down for fucking lol srry'.

She gets a say too. And she should be clear on what she wants.

If she's the one to take the initiative and name the game - that's great for him. He's down for whatever, what is it that YOU wanna do??

Hobie, Romance, and Intimacy (like for the grown folks 18+) __________________________________

🔞

In a LOT of fic and especially SMUT, it's always Hobie making the advances, or at least initiating them. In society, women are taught that's how is, that being sexually 'aggressive' and proactive - not just SUGGESTIVE - is inappropriate.

Wait till Hobie slaps your ass, then the smut could start. Wait till Hobie kisses you, then there's romance.

Nah, I'm the one smacking his ass. I'm the one pulling his belt loop saying Come 'ere. What if I'm the one who wants to pull him down for a first kiss, huh??? I gotta wait??

Even in dialogue-

In a lot of fics Hobie can talk as raunchy as ever, but the woman can't say 'pussy'? Hobie can say three sentences straight about how my coochie feel but the reader only gets to moan submissive requests back??

Can the dirty talk be two-sided? Because women should be allowed to be vocal in their pleasure.

Hobie can tell you he wants you to suck his dick, but when's the reader gonna say "Come eat this pussy like you mean it." HM??????

In fics the reader can only be suggestive - in order to bait him into initiating, like sending him a suggestive picture or throwing a bra on stage. But it's hardly ever the other way around. With the reader being the one to say 'Enough of the teasing, we fucking NEOW.'

Because in our society, a guy slipping a girl's shirt off to get the scene going is hot. But a woman going for a guys belt before he begins to undress her - nooo, that's too forward.

Maybe Hobie wants to feel like the sexy, desired, sought after one.

_______________________________________________

Hobie, Romance and Feminism

Let it be known: Hobie loves people who are socially educated!!!!

If you can look at him and explain what anarchism actually is - like in a politcal theory sense - I think he'd be impressed, because you're seeing through the 'pseudo-rockstar' persona he puts on.

Most if not all of his actions are choice are driven by political action, so having a partner educated in things like anarchy or communism just makes sense with him. Hobie cares about stuff like that, and actually goes out of his way to study and live in line with those ideals.

That includes feminism!!!

I think Hobie would love a girlfriend who is invested in feminism, cares about it, and thinks about it in her decision making.

A woman that is educated about her oppression and how to combat it, and purposefully goes against the strict stereotype labeled on women - especially feminine women - as an act of protest.

A girl who can and will defend herself, go off on, or put a sexist pig in their place. You can't tell me he wouldn't be into that.

Social movements of the oppressed are super important to Hobie, and I think feminism is the same, but I never see it mentioned.

I definitely think that Hobie would have a clear understanding of his privilege as a man and how that effects relationships.

I can see him being like "I'd never propose." Not because he hates labels, but because he acknowledges that for centuries marriage was used as a financial and social transaction to oppress and control women and their bodies, and he doesn't want to be involved in that.

Hit him with that "Same - the gold and diamond rings are trash anyway. Both materials being mined and pillaged in African nations for centuries at the expense of the indigenous populations really puts me off it."

He'd wanna somehow find a way to marry you without marrying you you know what i mean

Hobie loves feminism and feminists. Give him a 70's bra-burning feminism so help me god. He was alive for Roe v. Wade passing (1973), he KNOWS about feminism and probably knows many outspoken feminists.

Hobie, Romance and Individuality

You know what I don't like?

Headcanons or fics that be like "You and Hobie NEVER disagree or argue. Never ever, you always talk it out."

Like...Bullshit. I'm sorry but I don't think it's very realistic.

Hobie is a very opinionated too. He's very outspoken and when it comes to topics, and he usually knows exactly where he stands. I think, without a doubt he'd care what his partner thinks too.

Asking them about a record that's playing, or what they think of a movie they saw in the past, or a new political issue going on. He'd absolutely ask, because he cares. He's interested.

If if ya'll are never disagreeing that means:

Either you agree with his opinion all the time without fail or exception OR

You're biting your tongue around him

I don't think one is very realistic in terms of things. You can't like every song your boyfriend likes. You can't like every movie he shows you, or agree on EVERY political issue. That's not how people are.

And for two - if you're biting your tongue around him, he'll notice.

Yes, Hobie is a very emotionally intelligent person and extremely compassionate. But he's also very strong in his morals, thoughts, and beliefs. He doesn't budge.

If you're biting your tongue, I'd imagine he'd be like "You wanna say something." or "Whatever you're thinking just say it." cause he can see it in your face.

He's not trying to put you on the spot, he just wants to know what you're thinking.

When you explain what you're thinking, he's probably gonna wanna hear why, and respond, etc etc.

Hobie is a very individualistic person, and I think he'd be drawn to someone who is as well. Someone who is solid in their opinions and personhood enough to express them.

It leads to interesting conversation and knowing each other deeper -It's a form of intimacy.

If you watch a film with him and don't like it, he's gonna ask why. Did you not like the theme? Was the dialogue bad? What part did you think sucked the most, he thought x, y, z. What do you think about the part he disliked, did you notice a,b,c?

I feel like Hobie would want to know his partner deeply, and he'd care and love the things that make them different from each other.

Including differing opinions.

Discussions and debates aren't bad. Discussing something and getting heated defending your point can be really fun and stimulating, if it's with someone you care about and the two parties are mature and not assholes.

Tell him why you think he's wrong about something - he wants an excuse to talk more about his opinion. INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGE HIM DONT JUST AGREE.

Along with being very individualistic, Hobie is very independent. He refused to rely on the Society for their watches - he made his own. So I think the next important thing to him is:

Hobie, Romance and Independence

I like the idea of Hobie having a partner that has their own place and is committed to that, and their space.

Or a partner that emotionally supports him!!

95% of the time, he's the one asking what's wrong, or holding reader, or comforting them.

Can we get hectic bf and organized girlfriend energy?? A gf where he says plans during missions and she's like "What are you thinking? You're gonna get us killed."

A gf that soothes HIM when he gets angry - cause comic Hobie GETS angry, especially after a fight.

Give me ONE, ONE fic where he's drunk coming from a pub and READER has to deal with drunk Hobie and put him to bed.

Hobie is ALWAYS expected to take care of himself, and the people around him. He takes pride in this and he's good at it. But why should he have to do it all the time?

_____________________________________________

In general,

Hobie is a confident person. He knows what he wants, and how to handle himself, and how to approach people and get respect just by being himself. He's assured, and outspoken, and VERY independent. He does what he wants, when he wants and lets you know when it happens

I think pairing him with a confident, assured, outspoked, independent person is only natural. I think him having a relationship with a personality like his would be a ROCK SOLID one.

There's be no fics like 'Groupies were bullying you' because his she would be like "Sis, if I swing on you he isn't gonna hold me back so be careful."

I want a reader that when they do that trope of 'A girl was flirting in front of him making you insecure and uncomfortable' - The reader squashes it right there. Like "Girl, I know you see me standing here. You know we're together. Cut the cute shit!!"

I'm tired of fics taking me for an insecure, submissive, demure, sexually innocent, wimp of a babydoll girlfriend that needs to be babied at every turn. There's nothing wrong with being shy and demure, but when it's all you're offering it's not gonna cut it.

Especially not for Hobie Brown.

Let the tall, dark, actively oppressed black man be the one to vent, or be held, or romanced, and spoken sweetly too. There's so many comfort fics, but not many of them consider Hobie's own trauma - and how a relationship could include that.

Hobie Brown deserves more.

_______________________________________________

If you wanna know how I use this to write a non-conventional relationship for Hobie, that's below this break.

Okay so I'mma leave it here but if you read this far, thank you!!!! I be SO pissed when fics be talking me (Y/N) as a punk (in the wimpy sense not the Hobie sense). Like...nah I wouldve said something in a lot of situations. Irk my last nerve. Like the one where the girl PINCHES you??? Like?? Nah I we would've been fighting, I'm sorry this is unrealistic

Alsooo the section below is about my Spidersona Disco-Spider and how I encorporated all of this into her creation- because I wanted to write a sona who subtly defied gender roles while still being feminine. So if you wanna read there thank you so much, and if not, thanks for reading this far! He's a pic of Hobie in thanks!

[If you wanna check out Part 2 for direct examples, how to write NCRs, and a more in depth look into Disco and Hobie - check it out here]

_______________________________________________

DiscoSpider Diane and The Great Groupie Act [How I use all of this to a write a feminist Spidersona and a non-conventional relationship]

Diane is a HUGE Hobie Groupie - and that's kinda of her main thing.

She runs the Hobie Brown Fanclub on campus, attends all his shows, and wears his guitar pick. She's into him and she's not afraid to show it.

I wanted to write Diane as a purposeful groupie, one who is fine with the title, and even leans into it. Because a lot of the time - and in a lot of fics including guitarists - 'groupie' is seen as a negative thing.

Like K-pop stans, being a 'groupie' - and openly expressing your romantic interest in a hot guy is seen as desperation.

But I wanted to write her as one in spite of this. To swap 'desperation' for unwavering boldness. A girl with the motto 'Closed mouths don't get fed'.

And much like Hobie uses the 'typical punk' label to disarm others, I wanted Diane to mirror that - in the opposite direction.

Diane is a self-proclaimed groupie. And because of that, many (mainly misogynists) assume that she can't think for herself - or at all. And Diane can use that to her advantage.

If Miguel and Jess really believe she only cares about conversations involving Hobie, then they'll talk like she isn't there. And she can listen. If it looks like she's hanging all over him, no one realizes if she's slipping him information.

And it also helps in their relationship.

They both enjoy their privacy.

HQ prohibits relationships between Spidey-people. It's an anomaly waiting to happen - and they make sure to keep a close eye out for it. Plus with Jess breathing down her neck, it's much easier for Diane and Hobie to just keep it underwraps.

In comes the Groupie persona.

No one actually expects the groupie to get the guy. She's desperate, and he's the player guitarist. Plus, if they were dating she couldn't be a 'groupie' right? They wouldn't make sense, would it?

They let people make their own assumptions. By calling herself a groupie, suddenly people think there's no possible way there's something going on, and they don't look closer.

This also allows them the freedom of no labels. Are they boyfriend and girlfriend? Nah she's his groupie. Quit asking questions.

All of this allows me to write Disco in a way that connects back to everything in this post.

By calling herself a 'Groupie' suddenly Diane can subvert expectations of affection, avoid the pressures of labels, and control her image and the amount of information she lets on to people

That in turn helps me write their relationship in a nonconventional way - a way that challenges misogyny around affection and reclaims a sexist fan trope for something more empowering.

Sure, the concept seems silly at first. The ditsy, bubbly, party girl on campus, but I wanted there to be a reason and drive behind it.

Disco-Spider Diane is exactly who she wants to be, an unapologetic, outspoken disco-girl. One that's highly educated and knows her shit.

And also a huge groupie.

-----------------------------------------------

If you've read this far, thank you so much. It genuinely means a lot to me! This is reaaaaaallly long.

[Part 2 here]

Now how about you take this photo of Hobie and we both pretend like me writing this is normal well-adjusted behavior okay? okay

Bye.

#im back and I got something to say!!!!!!#these are just my opinions and Headcanons #but also they're correct I know because I'm with Hobie right now in my mind palace and he told me all this #no proofread ever lolllll #spiderman #atsv #hobie brown #marvel #spider man #spider punk #spiderpunk #across the spiderverse #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x oc #hobie brown x you #hobie brown x y/n #atsv anaylsis

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mistydeyes · 11 months

Note

Hi! I don't think your rules link on your master list is working? (It might just be the Tumblr app being silly) but I've like to request a COD fic with a reader who has a moderate to severe penicillin allergy is accidentally given it while out in the field. Cut to the 141 ripping the medic who didn't check the medical tag a new one and being all protective and shit.

omg nooo thank you for bringing this to my attention, I'll get it fixed bc I love it when y'all request things! I absolutely love this idea too!

Just a little PSA but penicillin allergies are SERIOUS. If you have one, you are automatically not allowed to get anything related to penicillin (including amoxicillin, ampicillin, etc). You also are limited in your drug selection as people with severe allergies can't get any similar antibiotic drugs such as cephalosporins. You may experience hives, rashes, and even anaphylaxis if administered. So it’s always important to have a note in your medical file and notify any medical professionals about the nature of your allergy.

Okay, my little pharmacy soapbox is over, let’s move on to the blurb.

warnings: depiction of wounds and violence, swearing

pairings: 141 x g/n!reader

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊

You were the newest member to join the 141. Excelling through your training, you were eventually handpicked by Captain Price to join his team. You were known for your sniper skills, rivaling that of Ghost. You were even more known for your call sign. In your years of being in the army and part of SAS, you became affectionately known as 'Plaster'. Your buddy came up with it as you had been the only one in the squadron to never need to go to the infirmary (avoiding cuts and bandages aka plasters) and also were notorious for outdrinking any recruit that tried to challenge you.

That's why when you ended up in the medical tent with an infected cut, the 141 boys were surprised. Before your intake, you had been providing overwatch on a building as Gaz, Price, and Soap infiltrated. Ghost was in the building across from you, also providing support. As you checked your sights, you immediately heard Ghost over the coms yell, "Behind you!" It was too late as the enemy had taken the opportunity to pull you by the legs and begun to swing his knife. You tried to react quickly but ended up with a slice to your arm before Ghost could take the man out. You knew once you recovered Price would be teaching you a thing or two about hand-to-hand combat.

However, he would have to wait as you had woken up that morning with a high fever. The cut was shallow, only requiring some soap and water and a simple bandage. Somehow, it had become infected. You groggily went to the field hospital. Once there, they removed the bandage and saw the area was red, extending past the initial wound. The field medic brushed it off, saying they would prescribe you some oral antibiotics for a little more than a week. As he cleaned and redressed the wound, he handed you a small pill bottle with ‘Augmentin’ written on it. Before you left, you popped the small, oval pill into your mouth and were sent on your way.

As soon as you exited the tent, you made your way back to your own to get some rest. Your tongue felt puffy in your mouth as you navigated through the maze of tents. Maybe you had bit it in your sleep?

You walked in and sat on your cot, noting Soap sitting across from you in his. You then felt slightly out of breath but assumed it was due to the humidity and sand debris in the air. You lay down, listening to Soap recount the successful mission before you began to hyperventilate. You felt like you were drowning as you tried your best to breathe.

"Oi, are you okay, Plaster?" was all you heard before the world went dark.

When you woke up, you were surrounded by your concerned squadron. You looked around and realized you were in the medical tent. As you tried to sit up, Price put a hand on your shoulder and lightly pushed you back down.

"God, Plaster you gave us a heart attack. You went into anaphylaxis," he began and you were shocked. It wasn't like you were allergic to peanuts or anything but then you realized you were allergic to ampicillin. Something you had learned after a childhood run-in with meningitis.

Price confirmed your suspicions as he added, "that fucking muppet of a medic gave you amoxicillin/clavulanate. Apparently he hadn't realized you were severely allergic to all penicillins," he said through gritted teeth.

You realized that must have been what that white pill was and mentally slapped yourself for the mistake.

"I'm sorry, guys," you began to say as you looked around at their faces. They looked so worried for you and you felt stupid for the simple mistake.

"Ah, it wasn't your fault, Love" Gaz spoke up. "Plus, the 141 got to show the medic what happens when you almost kill our best sniper."

You laughed as Soap described how once the field medic rushed in with an Epi-Pen and they carted you off to the tent, the boys confronted the medic. Apparently in his haste, he had overlooked the very important note that you were not to be given anything related to penicillin, including the prescribed Augmentin.

"You should've seen his face when Price lifted that poor fucker," Soap laughed loudly. "Better yet, I'm sure he pissed his pants when Ghost walked over and held him by his collar. Ghost is one scary motherfucker." To this comment, Soap received a slight slap on the back of his head.

You were appreciative of their efforts but couldn't imagine the lashing they would be getting from their superiors.

The ever-quiet Ghost ended the story by saying, "It was just a little taste for all of what you went through. I'm glad you're doing alright despite that idiot."

You cracked a smile as you lay in bed, appreciating your teammates who defended you like brothers.

As they left you to rest, you could hear Gaz whisper, "You don't think the laxatives in his tea were a little much?" You realized that this medic's life would be made a living hell for the remainder of your tour.

Years later it became a running joke. As you sat in the bar recounting stories of your service, Soap loudly joked, "And to think, Plaster almost got taken out by a little cut and some medicine." That earned him a hard slap to the back of the head.

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊

a/n Did anyone else watch NCIS? every time someone mentions getting a slap to the head, I think of Gibbs.

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tea-and-finalfantasy · 4 months

Text

(18+) SOME LIN KUEI ORAL FIXATION HCS ❄️🔥💨

twt thread link | smut comms open | all links

full text ver & notes below cut

NOTES:

variation in style due to writing chunks on different days/not following the same abbreviations or rules depending on when they were written

so bi-han's was not intended to be longer but is bc it's more fic style than the quick notes i was going for when i wrote smoke's and kuai liang's sections

TEXT

💨starting w smoke as he's the only one i don't hc with an oral fixation himself BUT seeing as, in my hcs for him, his favorite thing is receiving oral, he very much appreciates the trait

💨has a fixation of sorts then with it in other people, always wanting to ease his fingers in their mouth, shuddering at the digits being sucked as if as potent to him as their mouth on his actual cock

💨enjoys seeing ppl with their mouths full, playing with this interest by feeding others--as gently or firmly as he's allowed 💨tests limits by always adding more--more fingers to the ones already inside, fingers alongside his cock, his cock & the dildo strapped above his own

💨evidenced by his fatality where he shoves a grenade in his enemy's mouth, keeping it open wide, pushing forcefully, aggressively, more than once or what's necessary with his whole palm, leaving their lips pursed, unable to close properly over what's forced inside their mouth

💨is not opposed to filling someone's mouth slowly, not pushing limits, just enjoying the slide of anything past another's lips, encouraged by his own hand--

💨but does enjoy seeing how far he can push it, starting off with small ball gags and going until the size is impossible to properly take, watching them struggle and strain their jaw, watching the constant flow of saliva strung down their chin, down the rest of their frame

💨cock aching at how obvious a motion swallowing has to be when struggling around something that won't let your mouth close, aching at those frustrated sounds, encouraging them to repeat themselves as he couldn't get it the first time :)

💨if he's allowed, he wants to grip someone by the hair/head/jaw and facefuck them until they can't take his cock slamming into their throat anymore, until they pull away, cum dribbling down their face and chest, coughing and gagging and drooling all over themselves

💨what he wants most afterwards--before cuddling and aftercare and a hell of a lot of kind, hushed words--is to get himself just as soaked and sticky with cum and saliva, to make an absolute mess of himself, to press his tongue to everything

💨promising to make it up to them amongst the unceasing praise and pecks to the cheeks and forehead, alongside the warm, gentle touch of his hand on the sides of their sore jaw and throat

🔥kuai liang just wants his holes filled and that includes--even prioritizes--something to fill his mouth 🔥loves it socially and despite the undercurrent of arousal to it regardless of setting, it's a calm kind of arousal if he's just doing it to relax

🔥if he's tense or feels out-of-body or vaguely notices, as if outside himself, that he's not fully in it, he knows something in his mouth will ground him 🔥is at first unaware of this (things feel blurry and he just tries his best to sleep it off) and then is ashamed of it--

🔥perceiving it as a crutch, as immaturity, but realizing it's something more frightening to him--feeling his cock leak merely at the thought of something filling his mouth so comfortably, at how overwhelmingly good it would feel--something he can't just will away

🔥still assuming he can stave it off, he'll keep the tip of his thumb between his teeth, almost absentmindedly, when stressed--akin to clicking a pen--feeling it calms him some, makes things more manageable than tackling issues with no ways to calm down afterwards

🔥or when masturbating, he'll bite the side of his hand, already apprehensive about and dismissive of his own desires to commonly stifle himself like this 🔥and these are nice and needed and fine but there's still something not being properly addressed or attended to--

🔥becoming a constant anxiety until he's anxious over any sexual activity, unable to vocalize his desire but similarly unable to ignore it 🔥mentions it out of exhaustion, too tired to fight it anymore, and is not met with derision or mockery, as he assumed he would be

🔥easily met with fingers on his tongue, as soon as he wants it, met with a cock or a strap filling his mouth whether he wants to have to swallow hard or just kneel there comfortably, mouth full

🔥when he's comfortable enough with it, he has a few masks outfitted with pecker gags inside--not long or girthy enough to choke on or struggle swallowing around, just enough to fit in his mouth comfortably or to give him something small to suck on

🔥his eyelids flutter shut, eyes rolling back a bit, and it's immediately noticeable that he's calmed down, to the point of feeling sleepy 🔥when he actually seems like he's going to doze off he'll take it out, spit strung from his lips to the gag, and curl up somewhere to nap--

🔥but while still somewhat awake, he likes to rest his head on someone's shoulder or in the crook of their neck when like this, feeling comfortable and warm and safe, the little suckling sounds only noticeable having him so close

🔥his cock will warm up beneath his clothes, enough to notice he's turned on, for there to be a slight bulge, but unless someone else touches him, he too submissive and spacey to do it himself, as if not knowing how to if he tried, or if he has a wet dream, he'll sleep it off

🔥when needy for it in a sexually charged setting, his favorite thing is getting gagged with a used buttplug. it could be anyone's/he's needy for it from everyone lol/he's a good boy and always says "please" and "thank you" but he whimpers so much for it when it's his own--

🔥easily slid out from his stretched hole and slid right back inside, just this time past his lips and onto his tongue 🔥he's not too loud the majority of the time but however quiet, the little moans and whines are consistent, especially with the taste of himself on his tongue

❄️bi-han's fixation is similar in a submissive sense, in that he does get hard but that arousal isn't always something he'll pursue when he wants to engage with it, in that it calms him when he's feeling high strung, when he's getting the hand tremors that precede a breakdown

❄the submissiveness within the scene is more in how defines his own headspace, going about the engagement silently, dialogue lending itself more naturally to kuai liang's experiences, given how his fantasies play out, but when there is talk--

❄️when he allows himself to hear it (not even being the one speaking) & not freeze up with self-hatred or nerves, the headspace bleeds out into the scene around it, any partner now equally as aware of just how small & fragile he's feeling, it no longer self-contained

❄️so there's difficulty in him speaking up about his own pleasure in the first place, only seeming outwardly confident about it if he can be more aggressive & take it--& still finding any expression of his own pleasure, & thus vulnerability, to be frightening--

❄️so when he's confronted by desire that makes him the solely vulnerable party (or so he assumes), a deep & persistent desire he desperately tried to tamp down once he realized what it was & just how raw it made him feel, he just gets more frantic trying to make it stop

❄️whereas kuai liang assumed this meant he wasn't as strong or self-sufficient as should be, & felt humiliated & ashamed when outwardly recognizing it for the first time, bi-han lashes out when he thinks there's any indication of this "weakness" showing

❄️if he's fighting with the onset of this headspace & feels he's losing, if he thinks the need setting in is perceptible to others, when he's beaten back this desire--for a safe space to be vulnerable & for the specific act itself--for so long with no luck, he bares his teeth

❄️but this cycle only makes the need more immediate, creeping down his spine until it's settled solidly at his back, pushing for proper recognition at all hours of the day

❄️he's desperate for a particular act of vulnerability but also for permission to not feel guilty about wanting what feels good, regardless if he's dominant or submissive or if there are no roles to it at all

❄️he wants to be given the go-ahead, to be allowed self-pleasure & partnership sexually, romantically, platonically, socially--any way he's been denied it thus far, first through the demanding expectations of others & now through those same expectations he's yoking himself with

❄️any previous forays into pleasure or intimacy have been abrupt & inconsistent so while seeming to start with the thing that's most difficult to admit sounds like a horrible idea, it's because it's come to a point where he has no choice but to recognize this one--

❄️& is honestly so worn out from fending it off & failing that he's not even angry or upset when he finally requests it, he's simply exhausted & it's obvious down to the bones

❄️it's at the end of a long day, long merely from having this same thought process banging around inside his head once again, to the point where it was the first thing he'd thought of upon waking & it never left his mind since

❄️he'd been unable to make himself coffee, unable to put on his usual clothes--opting for mostly the same things he went to bed in--unable to type out a single legible thing on his phone, & spent the day resigned to bringing it up, knowing things couldn't continue like this

❄️but in finally giving up on fending it off, he gets some relief in just melting into that headspace, feeling awfully needy as he spends the day in bed, sleepily pressing a forearm between his legs, humping the blankets ever so slightly, almost as if not noticing he's doing it

❄️whenever there's finally someone to admit it to--whomever that is depending on your preferences--it does take some prodding but just in the initial question of "what's wrong" & it not taking any time to be asked, something obviously off the moment they see him

❄️there's something said about feeling off, feeling more stressed than usual--both surprisingly honest admissions on their own--but then he mutters something about wanting something in particular, eyes ticked to their peripherals, staring blankly into the distance

❄️"could i just..." something about sucking on their chest, putting his mouth on them for a while--& while it's met with immediate, enthusiastic acceptance, however quiet, while he feels on the verge of hysterics having made himself sick over something so easily allowed--

❄️now he doesn't know how to get himself in position without having to admit what it looks like & why ❄️but this time he just goes for it, shakily but with some of his usual confidence, at least in moving with the cadence of someone who always intends to take as they please

❄️they settle in comfortably & he feels allowed to do so as well, following their lead in this going however he needs it to, in action & duration & pace ❄️he initially settles in the crook of their arm, pulse & breathing noticeably quicker as he watches them pull their shirt off,

❄️lips parted, dazed but oddly patient about the opportunity, gaze flickering upward & an unsure placement of the hand, waiting for permission an additional time

❄️he's oddly not forceful about it either, physically desperate only in the shaky exhale he lets out when he realizes he's not being lead on or dreaming or that the permission's not being revoked

❄️they mention he must be uncomfortable in that position though with his neck a bit crooked, the rest of him folded up neatly so as to not take up too much space, still unable to comfortably immerse himself in it, to do everything he really wants,

❄️but eventually the arm that's pinned starts going numb & even if it weren't, he'd still need to switch sides to avoid making his partner sore, having been suckling so steadily even at at such a relaxed pace

❄️when he switches sides, this time he lets himself lay his legs over their lap, lets them place their arm behind his head, allows himself to settle in more comfortably--more permanently than before, having assumed he'd rush through it or back out or they'd tire of it

❄️it's comfortable. relaxed. domestic even--even if that's particularly new & scary to admit. but there's no fear or worry to it now, only a steady warmth & perhaps a small moment of humor for them both, him hoping he's not crushing their thighs with his

❄️they pull his head in closer to their chest so he can rest more of his weight on them, so they have a free hand to smooth affectionately over the crown of his head & the overwhelming relief of finally doing this properly, the pleasure of having his hair played with--

❄️the intimacy of the act & how it soothed him immediately, being cared for & doted on, being allowed to feel small & fragile like this but so safe and protected here, makes him start to doze off,

❄️first struggling to keep his eyes open then allowing them to flutter shut but still trying to stay awake ❄️then quiet, steady breaths in as he's out like a light, still suckling a bit in his sleep ❄️no matter how many times he does it, he usually dozes off at some point during,

❄️this first time sleeping well into morning, waking up tucked in neatly, his partner asleep beside him, not unsealing his portion of blankets, keeping one for themselves--enough to avoid a chill, but keeping a hand free to touch his, wanting him to know everything's alright

❄️that he doesn't need to feel ashamed now that the scene's over, if he's even out of the headspace yet. they want to make sure he's okay, they want to wake up next to him--they want to make sure he knows that asking for that didn't drive them away

❄️he's quiet & doesn't usually lapse into using titles, at least outside of his own head, but he's very much not opposed to a partner referring to themselves that way, as "mommy" or "daddy," whichever their preference

❄️it makes his ears go red & he can't look them in the eyes but he always tries (& fails) to hide his bulge, his body so receptive to it ❄️lactation is a huge turn on & is probably how these scenes delve into anything where arousal is actually tended to but it's not a necessity

❄️his enjoyment of it isn't reliant on that in the first place & he doesn't want anyone going out of their way to make it happen (or to subject themselves to any supernatural situations for it, esp if it causes any pain), the headspace making him more than content with pretending

❄️but when he gets to, he drinks like his life depends on it, trying to commit the taste to memory, desperate for every drop, even apologizing when he knows he's sucking too hard & for too long but is unable to get himself to stop

❄️he's also much more talkative & much more physical if he actually gets to drink: panting out "thank you"s as he sucks at their chest, whimpering as he humps their thigh or grinds against the junction of thigh & hip

🧙‍♀️(that's it for now, thank u for reading~ ;w;)👾

#mk1 #mortal kombat 1 #bi han #kuai liang #tomas vrbada #mk1 x reader #mk1 headcanons

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neowinestainedress · 2 years

Text

traitor | lee haechan

title: traitor

pairing: lee haechan x oc/fem reader (no descriptions and no name but written in third person) | mentioned: huang renjun, lee mark, lee jeno, na jaemin

genre: angst, song-fic, friends to lovers to exes | requested and inspired by traitor by olivia rodrigo

warnings: angst, implied past bullying, implied past depression, assumed cheating, gaslighting, break-up, fights

summary: the worst kind of betrayals are the ones that happen unexpectedly and from the ones you love the most. Haechan never gave her a reason to believe he was a traitor. Their relationship never showed signs of cracking. But doing the most for someone you love doesn’t stop them from backstabbing and leaving you behind.

words: 6.450k

a/n: it took me ages but she’s here. there might be some mistakes bc while i was editing tumblr decided to don’t save half of it and i didn’t want to re-read it for the third time. i hope you’ll like it! let me know what you think with comments, reblogs or asks ♡

When somebody cheats, the partner always finds out. No matter how slick they think they’re being, at some point, they know. And the reasons why they don’t confront the other could be different, maybe they’re not sure, maybe they think they would never do something like that, or maybe they think that being hurt is just a tiny little price to pay to keep them.

The latter was the main reason why she kept her doubts to herself and never found the courage to face Haechan.

The signs were all there, they started to pile up one after the other, but when they became too much to handle she had to let go.

“What got you smiling so hard?” She had asked her boyfriend. They were sitting on the couch next to each other, the tv playing a movie they picked previously, but Haechan seemed more concentrated on the phone in his hand than on the movie, or her. No matter all her touches lingering on his body, or her jokes at the actor’s lines.

He shrugged, lifting a hand to caress her hand that was placed on her thighs, “Nothing, babe,” he replied, locking the phone and tugging it deep into the pocket of his pants. “Jaemin sent a stupid meme in the group chat, you know, the usual.”

And she hummed, shrugging it off, not paying attention to the hidden signs. The way he didn’t keep the phone in his hand but hid it away, the way his breath shook for a split moment or how his mind still seemed off somewhere away from there.

At first, it really did seem nothing. Jaemin would always flood up the group chat with stupid messages. And sometimes it happened to her too to get distracted by other things.

There was nothing strange with it.

Just like there was nothing strange with the boys’ nights out. She wasn’t jealous, she trusted Haechan, and only thought it was fair for him and his group of friends to go out and have fun. She did the same with her closest friends so it was something common in their relationship, just some healthy alone time with other important people of their lives.

If only boys’ nights didn’t start happening so often.

“I just don’t get it,” she said, nervously biting her lips as she walked back and forth in her room while Haechan was sitting on her bed, looking at her with an apologetic look – honestly, she couldn’t even get if there were any apologies behind his brown eyes. “Your boys’ nights out are on Saturday, why do they keep happening on Friday, too?”

Haechan sighed for the nth time that afternoon, standing up and walking toward her, trying to make her stop from walking around. “I told you, it’s not a boy out only, the guys also have some other friends and we’re just all hanging out.”

She scoffed, “So they are not even your friends, right?”

“Well,” he sighed, shrugging, “I don’t know, I know them, we got close with time.”

She sighed, turning around, throwing her hands up before pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing deeply and loudly again.

“Okay, what’s wrong, now? Are you going to do this or talk?” He asked, raising the tone of his voice and furrowing in annoyance.

She gasped, turning around again, “What’s wrong? I just… can’t you say no for just one night, Haechan? It’s literally just one fucking Friday for us.”

“I thought you didn’t mind me spending time with my friends.”

“I don’t,” she cursed, “but you are always out with them. And these are friends of your friends while, me,” she said, chuckling bitterly, “last time I checked, I’m your girlfriend.”

Haechan sighed, wetting his lips as he nodded lightly and walked toward her, gently wrapping a hand around her waist, “You’re right,” he said, caressing her cheek, moving her hair back, “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll tell them I have to pass this time.”

She wanted to get mad at his use of ‘have to’ as if he was being forced to do that but decided to let it slide. She didn’t like fighting with Haechan, and lately, those stupid bickerings were happing way too frequently.

“Yeah, fine,” she replied, leaning closer to rest her forehead against him and inhale deeply his scent. “I don’t like looking like a psycho obsessive girlfriend but I… I just miss you so much, lately, I’ve been barely seeing you.”

“I know, we’ll make it up this weekend,” he smirked before kissing the pain away. “You have to tell me things, though, or I can’t solve them. Promise me you will tell me anything?”

And she did promise, but the one keeping secrets in the relationship wasn’t her, so it was a bit hard to make things work that way. Especially in the long run. At the start Haechan tried to spend more time with her again, being able to balance the friend life and the love life perfectly, but then excuses started to collect, and most of them didn’t even match what the other boys would tell her.

“Maybe he fell asleep,” Renjun said, chewing the inside of his cheeks nervously. “You know, he’s a little stressed out lately.”

She scoffed, “he could’ve told me he couldn’t make it out of the bed. I’ve watched the movie alone after waiting for him outside for like a… like an hour? I didn’t even enjoy it because I had no idea where he was,” she sighed, falling beside him on the couch. “God, I have no idea where he is now.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Jeno tried to reassure her but was too busy looking at a vase on the shelf. He wasn’t even that close with her, he just came along because she called Renjun and he was with him. He had probably seen her three times before.

“Can you please don’t play with the vase, though, it’s my grandma’s gift, I don’t need more preoccupation now.”

Renjun glared at him, signalling him to back off, and got back caressing her back while Jeno lifted his hands and backed away.

“We can go see if he’s at our dorms,” Renjun proposed, “we didn’t sleep there tonight so we don’t know.”

“Yeah, maybe that would help,” she replied, trying to hold back the sniffles.

“We’ll call you as soon as we know something,” he reassured, leaving her alone again. But Haechan wasn’t home and he wasn’t even picking up Renjun’s or Jeno’s calls. It looked like he disappeared.

When two hours passed, she heard a knock on the door and got up immediately, imagining it was him, feeling so many different emotions bubble in her body.

“Hey,” there he was, Haechan standing there, looking at her with a sorry face, chest panting because he had probably rushed there and a bag in his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Was the first thing she managed to say. All the anger, the frustration, leaving her body because she was more terrified something had happened to him than the fact he was basically acting like a completely different person.

“Yeah, I… I’ve been practicing all afternoon and I collapsed on the bed as soon as I got home.” Lie. Well, partially a lie. It wasn’t like she had to know all the truth. Knowing he stayed at the dance room later because he was helping out a new friend wasn’t an important part of the story, right? They just danced. It could’ve been even Jeno, it was just irrelevant.

She hummed, making room for him to enter the house. The text Renjun had sent her before telling her he wasn’t home completely slipped her mind. “I was worried, I thought something happened, you didn’t answer the phone.”

“I know, I was too busy to pay attention to it,” he replied. “But I bought McDonald’s,” he cooed, lifting the bag full of food in his hand, “So... can we make it up?”

“Buying me with food?” She asked, giggling.

“Well, it’s your favorite hamburger,” he said, pouting and batting his lashes. “Come on, you know I get carried away sometimes, but I really need to be prepared to pass the audition next month.” Haechan hated studying, but it wasn’t like his parents gave him the chance to pursue his dancer career so he had to make it all fit between a university major he couldn’t care about and the hard practice at night to follow his dream. And lately, he just had a special dance partner that gave him more motivation, leading to staying hours past the usual training hours.

“I know,” she said, kissing him slowly, “but promise me you will try to at least warn me when you’re too tired and can’t make it.”

“I will. Making you worry is the last thing I want to do.”

Up to that point, the cracks in the house they had built were already starting to show, small, barely visible, passing unnoticed. But no one of the two was suspecting anything. Haechan truly didn’t want to cheat on her. And she had nothing to worry about.

But then it happened.

When her name first slipped out of Haechan’s mouth she didn’t pay much attention, she didn’t even pay attention to the way he was stammering while trying to answer her innocent questions, almost as if he was hiding something. But she simply didn’t see it. There was nothing to see. Haechan was loyal, his charismatic and extrovert personality weren’t signs of being a cheater. Bora and he met at the studio and were partners, she surely wasn’t the first woman that danced with him. And she also seemed pretty dull, at least from the few answers Haechan gave her.

That was until they met on a Friday night at a restaurant all together to hang out. Bora was tall, fit, an amazing dancer that moved to Seoul to follow her dream, friend with Mark, and dance partner of Haechan and Jeno. A little bit too funny for her liking, too smart, too pretty, just… too much.

And she was also too close to Haechan. Her hands touching his, her soft smiles curling her lips at any word he said, her irritating chuckles at the unfunniest of his jokes.

That was why Haechan avoided her questions, because she wouldn’t have liked the answers.

‘She’s not even that pretty.’

‘She doesn’t even get my jokes.’

‘Yeah, she needs more practice.’

“Are you okay?” Haechan had asked close to her ear, turning around so he could only look at her.

“Mh, me?” She asked, shaking her head and zoning in again.

“Yeah, you,” he chuckled, “you barely spoke all night,” he said, caressing her hand on the table. And that touch, that usually brought her so much comfort, felt weird, almost foreign.

“I just… I don’t really know what to say,” she smiled fakely, “I know nothing about dance.” She was a history student, the things that got her excited were far different from pirouetting, popping, or whatever they did.

“We didn’t only talk about that, come on,” he said.

“No, sure, I…” she stopped, shaking her head.

Calm down, you are going insane. It’s fine. It’s all in your head.

“You?”

“I need more alcohol; can you order it for me?” She asked, changing the topic, making him furrow but then shrug.

“Yeah, sure.”

It wasn’t the time and place for a jealous scene, she thought to herself. There was no need to be jealous. Bora just happened to be an amazing dancer and an amazing person and that was it, and so were Haechan’s male friends, she was just like them.

But the anger and jealousy didn’t calm during the rest of the night out, she couldn’t help but stare at her, and the way she was always facing Haechan, smiling at him, a wicked smile that hid thousands of things she didn’t even want to know, or the way her hand tried to brush against his any chance she got. They were acting as if she wasn’t even there. They were acting as if she wasn’t his girlfriend.

“Can we go home?” She asked, finally speaking, probably for the first time in an hour when Bora snuggled her face against his shoulder for god knows whatever reason, probably due to a comment Mark made toward her, she wasn’t really listening, just paying attention to their body language.

They all stopped laughing, looking at her with a confused expression, Haechan included, that swiftly brushed her off and finally paid attention to her, his girlfriend.

“It’s barely ten?” He pointed out, staring at the watch on his wrist.

“I know, I’m tired.”

“Already?” He asked, lowering his tone and moving toward her to shield her conversation from their friends.

“Yes, I… can we just go? Do you hate spending time with me so much?”

“What?” He gasped. “Why would you say that?”

“Why would I say that? You didn’t look at me the whole night,” she snapped, voice getting higher and nostrils flaring.

“Oh, please, now that’s not true.”

“You know it is,” she remarked, raising her voice, making him turn around and smile awkwardly at his friends.

“Okay, let’s not do this right here, right now, okay?”

“Oh, sure, would never want our friends to know that we fight too,” she snorted bitterly.

He sighed, “I just think there’s no need to fight, you’re seeing things.”

“I am what?”

“Can we seriously don’t do this now?”

“Can we go home? I simply asked you this.”

Haechan huffed again, but fighting in front of their friends was the last thing he wanted to do, and also he hoped that she would calm down on the way home, but that didn’t happen. The silence of the car ride back to her place got interrupted as soon as they stepped inside. The main door slammed behind them.

“Who is she?”

“Who- what do you mean who is she?”

“For you, who is she for you?” She screamed, throwing her bag on the couch.

“Oh, god really? Are you seriously doing this? This is your problem?”

“Yes, because… because she was always on you and you – you looked at her, you looked at her with those eyes, with that look you never look at me like that anymore.”

Haechan groaned, offended. “What are you insinuating?”

“It doesn’t look like insinuation to me.”

“No? You think I’m cheating on you?”

She sniffled, turning around, not able to stand his gaze. His eyes were looking at her as if she was out of her mind, blaming her for being too emotional, for being the one that was ruining everything for not trusting him.

“You’re crazy.”

She turned around again at those words, staring at him in disbelief as she felt her heart clench in her chest. She wanted to say something but everything seemed useless. Why was he acting like that?

“You – you didn’t talk to me all night,” she whispered, voice clapped and eyes starting to get watery.

“You’ve been acting like a bitch all night,” he snapped, “and now I know why. How can I talk to you when you put a wall between us?”

“What did you call me?”

He rolled his eyes, “You know what I meant. It’s not my fault I didn’t talk to you.”

She fought back tears and lift her head to push them back, finding it hard to bring her attention to him again. “I told you I knew nothing about what you were talking about and you didn’t even make an effort to try to change the topic of the conversation.”

“Sure, of course now it’s my fault," he chuckled, walking back and forth, “You’re a jealous crazy girlfriend and it’s my fault,” he screamed at her.

“Fuck you! I never made scenes when we went out together, there’s a reason if it’s weird.”

“Is there? Or maybe you are just insecure?” He said, voice not loud anymore but full of bitterness, a defiant smirk on his face.

“Insecure?” She asked, voice trembling and body too.

“Yeah, she did nothing but be nice and here you are. Maybe you wish you were like a her, not a pain in the ass like you are.”

She tried to say something but those were the last words she was expecting to come out of his mouth. Why was he defending her so much? Why was he going all the way against his girlfriend for a girl he barely knew?

“I didn’t say a single bad word about her, I’m talking to you, my boyfriend, about us. This is about us.”

“I don’t know what to tell you then,” Haechan shrugged, drifting his gaze from her wet eyes.

She chuckled incredulously, “Maybe sorry would be appreciated?”

“I’ve got nothing to apologize for. You’ve been bitching all night, you made me come home so soon for this and now I have to apologize?”

“I just wanted to spend some time with you! If you didn’t start asking me dumb questions we wouldn’t be fighting but maybe right now we were in bed like a fucking normal couple!”

“Well, then maybe we are not a normal couple.”

“No, since I see my modern history professor more than I see you.”

“You know what? I won’t talk to you if you keep blaming it on me,” Haechan said, grabbing his jacket again and walking toward the door. “Call me if you seek some sanity again.” And then the door slammed behind him, leaving her petrified in the middle of her living room with tears streaming down her face, shaking hands and lips and a heart that was breaking more and more. And it was getting too heavy to carry around.

Two headstrong and proud partners don’t go anywhere. It’s impossible to meet each other in the middle ground if that simply doesn’t exist.

None of them was going to back up.

She had done that too many times, crawling, and scratching her knees to fix something he had broken.

And Haechan knew he was wrong, but the guilt was eating him alive, and so was his pride.

And just like that, one week passed, with silence, avoided gazes, switched seats in the two classes they had together, lunches at a different table, and no texts or calls on their phones.

“I’m sorry.”

Then it came. It arrived unexpectedly, probably for the first time in the five years they were dating.

Haechan apologized. Standing right behind her at the table of that library that was now her only safe place, with his big green hoodie, snapback covering his guilty brown eyes, and the dirty Converse tapping nervously against the floor.

And she wanted to fight back, to put him through half of the pain he put her through but she couldn’t. The possibility of losing him scared her more than now, opening her arms again, would’ve hurt her dignity. If she still had some of it left in her.

So she stared at him, trying to read his face, that familiar face that now seemed so stranger to her. She wanted to convince herself that it was all in her head. She needed to convince herself of that. But finding some truth, some honesty behind his eyes, and the way his fingers were playing with his backpack, was difficult.

“I’m sorry if you felt left out, I thought you cared about dancing after all these years with me,” he added, finding the courage to look at her.

She wanted to say that she didn’t feel left out, they left her out but now wasn’t the time and place for another fight. Surely that was what he meant, Haechan simply wasn’t good with words. So she hummed, trying to stop her lips from shaking and find the right words to say, something that made sense in the mess they were becoming, or probably already were.

“So… you promise she’s just a friend?” She asked. That was the only thing she needed to be reassured about. The only thought that ran across her mind for the past week. The only fear that made her cry at night while covered in his sweater she tried to cling to the few things she always had of him, feeling that just a blow of wind was going to take him away from her.

Haechan hummed, “She’s just a friend, you’re just being paranoid,” he said and then walked closer to her, sitting on the empty chair at her side. “Can we please make it up? I haven’t gotten a hug in a week.”

And she couldn’t do anything but smile, her lips mimicking the way his own turned up and his arms opened to welcome her in.

She fell into his trap again, not catching the lies, or the way he was shaking and not because he had anxiety to finally confront her but because he had started slipping.

Because during that week he didn’t miss her that much. Because he had been receiving countless hugs. Because he had spent his afternoons in somebody else’s company. Because they almost kissed and that made him realize he needed to redeem himself.

And from then on, lies became more and more. All the ‘I love yous’ didn’t feel so genuine anymore, and the hugs were weird, short, and cold. The hours together were boring and he wasn’t looking forward to them in anticipation.

And maybe there, he realized why he was stuck there. She became a habit. An old one, hard to let go of. They had nothing in common, not anymore at least.

She felt safe because she was there at his worst. She was there by his side when nobody else wanted to be associated with him. When he was a loser. When people took it out on him and the only arms he could run to were hers. When his brain was tricking him into thinking that life wasn’t worth it anymore. When he couldn’t find a reason to wake up every day, she became the reason.

But that was five years ago.

Now Haechan wasn’t that person anymore. He didn’t need shielding. He didn’t need to be protected, and comforted. He didn’t need any more savings. He needed to mirror himself in somebody that was like him with the same passions and needs. Somebody that lived for the things that kept him alive, and she, she wasn’t his reason anymore.

And since she wasn’t his reason anymore, she started to be pushed into the back of his brain more and more.

The clock hands ticking weren’t a reminder big enough that he should’ve been at the cinema in twelve minutes and he needed to stop dancing with her and rush home to get changed. And only when his phone started buzzing uncontrollably he realized he was late.

‘I’m sorry, I can’t make it.’ Another apology, or an excuse, followed by an empty promise. ‘I’ll make it up.’

And she swallowed her pride and told him not to worry. His future was important, and he couldn’t waste time. She would’ve supported him and been his number one fan once he finally made it as a professional dancer in his dream company. Because she was when nobody else believed in him and his dream. She would’ve always been her number one fan if only he wanted to.

But then it happened again, and again. And being so far away from him was harder than expected.

The morning texts weren’t enough. The classes together weren’t the type of time she wanted to spend with him. And the lunches at their table had shifted since Bora also started to sit with them.

And she wasn’t dumb. She kept quiet but she knew. She kept quiet to keep him, to hold onto an image of Haechan that now, she was more than sure, wasn’t there anymore. She kept quiet because not only it was painful but also humiliating.

And humiliation was what was leading her angry steps under the rain. It was past ten, and the cinema board was fading behind her as she hurried to his dance gym.

One hour past their date. One hour late and no text, no call. Nothing but silence. A silence that was becoming agonizing and too loud, full of his lies and her delusional thoughts.

And she couldn’t care that the rain was socking her clothes, sticking her hair to her skin and ruining her shoes, she needed to get this over. But hope is the last one to die, and a part of her wanted her doubts to be fake, she truly wanted to be the weird one that was seeing things. She wanted to believe it was just another honest mistake, that he was tired and had forgotten, that if she entered the room Haechan would’ve been alone or with their friends and not with her.

But it wasn’t like this. He was there with her, laughing carelessly, way too close to each other.

And right there at the moment, she knew that she wasn’t even crossing his mind anymore.

That flame of hope wasn’t big enough anymore to make her get on her knees and beg. She couldn’t close her eyes and pretend she didn’t know, she didn’t see. She needed to let go. There was nothing to gain from that, their relationship had crumbled apart, the pieces of their story were dripping on the ground like the raindrops were slipping down her coat.

“It’s not what –” Haechan immediately tried to defend himself when he saw her but she stopped him, lifting her finger in the air.

“Can we get a moment alone?” If this needed to end like this, if she had to be the one putting an end to them, she wanted it to at least be private. Because she had no idea what she meant to him anymore, but Haechan still meant something to her, what they had, everything they had been through meant something to her. So damn much that the pain she was feeling right there can’t be explained with words.

When they were alone, under the porch outside of the gym they stood there in silence for a while.

They both knew what was coming.

There was no need to paint the grey walls between them blue. It was raining outside just like it was raining in the home they had built in the past years.

And that was why it was so hard to say something. One guilty of not loving anymore, and the other victim of loving too much. A terrible match that shared too much of each other. A terrible mess that knew the other’s deepest secrets and highest moments. Half a decade passed in front of their eyes as they tried to come up with a way that didn’t hurt like hell to take all that time they shared and throw it in a bin.

“It’s over,” she whispered, looking at the ground because she was sure his eyes were lighting up, happy he could finally run to Bora without their story holding him back. “We are over,” she repeated, lifting her gaze, almost more to tell it to herself, to be sure she was doing this for real. To remind herself that all her doubts and fears and his twisted games were real.

“I don’t understand, why?” Haechan asked, mixed emotions running in his mind. Why wasn’t he feeling relieved? Why was this weird? What if he still cared?

She snorted before pressing her lips together to suppress any other sound to come out, the cold was starting to make her shiver but the way he was acting was tiring her more than the long day she had, than the cold and the broken heart. He was faking it, even now, even at their breaking point, he was pretending. Putting on a mask to play the role of someone that wasn’t him, the role of someone that wasn’t the person she used to love.

“There’s nothing to understand, just like there’s nothing to save,” she answered. What was the point in wasting her breath screaming at him and explaining to him what he did and what he was fully aware he was doing? She had spent months walking through his tangle of lies and shocked faces, falling into traps that now were crystal clear, no more leaves covering the big holes she rolled down into.

And when no other word came out of his mouth, she took a step back, the rain hitting her again. When his hands didn’t move to stop her, when his feet didn’t try to cancel the distance between them, when his eyes looked into hers and there was nothing in them she used to know. She realized that she had been fooled much more than she imagined. He didn’t want to fix this, he had no reason to want to fix what broke between them because he didn’t want what was between them anymore. He was past the state of mixed feelings, past not knowing where he belonged. He knew it damn well. And the place where he belonged wasn’t her anymore. It was waiting inside in a white room, probably praying for their downfall so she could finally have him.

And right there the tears mixed with the rain, he couldn’t tell them apart, he couldn’t even swear she was crying, not that it mattered anymore. All this vulnerability, all the things they shared, were gone. So she turned around, hugging her body to shield herself from the cold, her feet almost tripping on each other every two steps as her fogged vision tried to carry herself home. Heart breaking even more when she couldn’t hear footsteps behind her. Haechan wasn’t following her. Haechan wasn’t even waiting outside to at least make sure she wasn’t getting hit by a car driving by. Haechan wasn’t under the porch, he was inside again, with her.

She wasn’t his reason anymore. But Haechan still was hers. And she had no idea how she was going to cope with that.

Break-up pain is weird. It’s weird when you’re young and you know you have all your life ahead. You know it’s not the end of the world, and yet it feels like it. It feels like all you knew, suddenly doesn’t make sense anymore. It hurts even more when you break up with someone you spent so much life with. When you grew up with them and imagined having them by your side all your life. And it’s even harder to deal with it when you got backstabbed by that person. It’s harder when you dried all their tears, pulled them out of their darkest hours and then suddenly you meant nothing to them.

Nothing.

She felt like an appearance in Haechan’s life when after just two weeks he proudly showed Bora around.

Two weeks were all it took him to get over her and the five years spent together.

She felt like a forgotten bus ticket in the pocket of a coat hanging in the closet for the whole summer. A piece of paper that gets found, looked at with a confused expression and then gets thrown away.

But to her Haechan wasn’t an old, faded, ticket. Haechan had been such a big part of her life and she couldn’t understand how he could move on from her so quickly. She couldn’t understand why he wasn’t hurting even a bit.

So this pain was worst. Because it made her feel dumb, it humiliated her, it shamed her for all the things she let him do. All the red flags she chose not to see. All the lies she chose not to listen to.

And it made her wonder if she was so uninteresting. If they truly had nothing in common anymore. How it was possible to be so easy to be forgotten after everything? And doubts start to form even more, going back in time and questioning when it all went downhill. When everything started being fake.

But she couldn’t find an answer.

She couldn’t even find her Haechan anymore.

Surely that wasn’t the one she had fallen in love with.

Walking around campus holding Bora’s hand, moving her hair behind her ears, buying her food, dropping her to her classes with the risk of arriving late to his. He even let Bora sit at her place at their table. Slapping it straight into her face how he didn’t care about her. Bringing her around, replacing her so blatantly just to shut her down.

Probably that also was the biggest pain. Not only she had lost him but she had also lost her friends. Bora took her place in his life, in his friends’ circle, probably soon even at her chair at his parents’ house.

She had nothing of the old life anymore. The only ones that checked on her were Renjun and Mark, and the only one that still proposed to go out was Renjun. But she still sat alone at an empty table now and picked the farthest seat from him in the few classes they had together, and avoided all the places they used to go together.

And things weren’t going better for her. If in front of him she faked it, and smiled, and held her head high, in the privacy of her room she would fall apart. She couldn’t point out when the betrayal started, when his words turned into lies that then turned into daggers that made her bleed. And those years felt wasted. Five years she wasn’t going to ever get back. That made her realize that she also couldn’t let him take away more years of her life. He had hurt her, badly, terribly, but she couldn’t give him that power anymore. She needed to let go for real, forget about him, move on, just as fast as he did.

But she wasn’t Haechan.

“You’re avoiding me.”

Their last conversation came three months later, when all of a sudden she heard his voice again and, lifting her gaze from her phone, she saw him.

“I know we’re over but… you were talking with Renjun and then ran away when I reached you two.”

She blinked twice, shaking her head to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, or in that case, having a nightmare. But he was real, white t-shirt, blue jeans, honey brown hair moving in the light summer breeze and stranger eyes looking into hers.

“Do you hate me?” He asked again, so nonchalantly she wanted to throw the glass in his face.

How could he come here like that? With his head low, tail between his legs, and playing the victim.

“Are you serious?” She simply asked, too stunned to believe he wasn’t joking.

“Yeah, I don’t get what I did for you to cut me off like that.”

“You betrayed me,” she said, rising her voice, shaking visibly, feeling her lungs burn. Wasn’t it enough? All the pain he put her through. Why did he need to sink the knife deeper? “I know that you’ll never feel sorry for the way I hurt. Because you don’t care, you, you just don’t care. You never cared about me, not the way I cared for you.”

She sighed, shaking her head, taking a deep breath because she didn’t want to shed more tears for him, “And I can’t even blame you, I have to blame me for being so, so stupid, and in love. God,” she exhaled, looking back at him. “I wish you had thought this through before I fell in love with you.”

“I never cheated on you,” he defended, emotionless voice with just a hint of insecurity, a small tremble, at the unexpected way she was talking to him.

“I don’t care,” she said. “In two weeks you were over me. In two weeks you erased a five years relationship. You were terrified of love, it took you one year to ease into me and try to be in a relationship with me, there’s no way you fell in love so soon. You fell in love with her when we were still together. You… you probably did even worse.”

“No, I would’ve never done that to you.”

She hummed, hiding a bitter chuckle, “It doesn’t matter…” she whispered. “Nothing matters anymore. Not when I gave you my all, my youth, my support. Not when I was the only one by your side and you pushed me to the sidelines so easily. A kiss is not more painful than this.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, voice breaking in his throat as he started to slowly realize that maybe she was right. He did hurt her anyway. Holding himself back from kissing Bora when they were together wasn’t better than the thoughts that crossed his mind or the way he let her go so easily. He had cursed himself many nights for not even being able to talk it through, to end it on a better page, to let her down slowly.

She chuckled, “No, you’re not. I don’t want you to be, I wish you to feel at least half of the pain you put me through. I hope to pop inside your mind when you least expect it, when you sleep with her in our bed, when you let her wear your sweatshirts, when she cooks your favorite breakfast or prepares tea exactly how you like it. Does she know it? Did you tell her about how much you love it with those biscuits that are almost impossible to find? How it has to be green tea and not teabag but only loose leaf?”

Haechan drifted his gaze. She didn’t know. She had no idea what he truly liked. Or how annoying he could be. She didn’t know half of the things she knew about him. And he wondered if she would ever get to know him that much.

“I will never take you back, Haechan, not even as a friend,” she said, fixing her clothes and staring straight into his eyes. No matter how much pain it still gave her, or how painful the idea of living a life without him was. If he forgot about her so soon, she could do the same. She was going to do the same. She deserved better and she was going to find it. And that wasn’t Haechan, not anymore.

So she stood up, grabbed her bag, and looked at him one last time, “I guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor.”

ENOUGH FOR YOU (sequel): here

#haechan oneshot #haechan fanfic #haechan angst #lee haechan angst #donghyuck angst #lee donghyuck angst #haechan scenarios #nct dream ansgt #nct 127 angst

978 notes · View notes

ferrethyun · 2 years

Text

Omegaverse | Ateez Personal Scents

Genre: No particular genre,,, just smells uwu

Warnings: none that i can think of ?

Yes this is entirely self indulgent- do I care? not at all kekkekek.... if u wanna discuss these with me tho im down so lemme know what you think! (also yes this isnt neatly presented it literally came from the notes app on my phone-) This is also written with an x male! reader in mind bc thats what i write heh

(Alpha that reads beta at first) Hongjoong: it’s so typical but hongjoong smells like the sea. but he also has notes of amber and spice? but they’re low-key. reminds me of a bonfire on the beach on a warm summers night. smth u could just. dive right into. Sea is his main scent with amber just under the waves for sure. the spice kicks u right in the face once you do smell it tho-

(Omega n only omega) Seonghwa: I’m sorry bby but ur such an omega it hurts. anywhays. hwa definitely smells of strawberries, cherry blossom and milk. his scent is mostly strawberries and milk with a v delicate floral touch hehe. the sweetest dessert kinda smell? would i eat him? yes,,, (i’m gonna move on now before i lose it)

(Beta that seems like an alpha) Yunho: Our dear Yun smells like anise, caramel and musk. his scent def makes people think hes an alpha at first,, that n how fuckin tall he is (bastard). heavy on the caramel and anise too. His scent is a very comforting kinda warmth and ppl love it. 10/10 on the scent scale

(Omega that seems like a beta) Yeosang: Yeo! Cocoa butter, peaches and lilies is the combo for him for sure. His scent is super soft n sweet but not too sweet? Hes like a yankee candle lmao. The cocoa butter is his main scent with a subtle layer of peaches over it n u can j u s t smell the lilies in the background of his scent profile. very summer bakery energy

(Alpha with audacity) San: Listen,,,, this was personal (Kinda like m jongho scent idea but thats later) Amber leather and vanilla. He smells like Dior Sauvage. this man is SCRUMPTIOUS. Very typical alpha smell and very overpowering at times. but he pulls it off so well??? the fucker. he smells good and he knows it but tbf,,, everyone does. His scent is heavy on the amber and vanilla notes tho.

(Omega with way too much audacity) Wooyoung: The ratman himself smells like mandarins, smoky wood and a hint of peony. His scent is probably a little atypical for an omega as its heavy on citrus and not florals but thats what sets him apart from others. the mandarin smell will legit kick u in the nose n this is then quelled by the smoky wood n peonies after. it can b a lil overwhelming but its very nice once u get used to it uwu

(Beta that seems like an alpha with a personality of an omega at times) Mingi: I hate to admit it but my cleaning supplies helped me with this-,,, Jasmine, fresh linen and lemongrass. I cant imagine mingi not having a more gentle floral scent??? its a very delicate and fresh kinda scent on the nose and its super pleasant. Stronger on the jasmine and fresh linen for sure. Kinda reminds me of cleaning day during the spring? delightful <3

(Alpha ppl assume is a beta?) Jongho: Another personal one. this came from two 'perfumes' I have and they absolutely melt me when combined so,,, Cedarwood, Musk and fougere. its kinda similar to sans but more,,, woodsy? Homeboy smells like the forest wbk okay- anyways, its a super traditional scent for sure (If u look at omegaverse in the more wolfy aspect like i do-) and ppl love it (me too tf) Hes def heavy on the musk and that has a hint of cedarwood behind it then followed by the fougere. good scent 10/10 would sniff uwu

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sangahnomiya · 3 days

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little known fact (I have literally only ever yapped abt this to 5 people) but ever since I watched the donghua of cinderella chef last year, I've been brainstorming a crossover AU with apothecary diaries, yona of the dawn and snow white with the red hair.

(will it ever get written? ONLY GOD KNOWS but I'm dumping my brainrot here anyway)

the cast of characters:

yaoyao and chunyu (cinderella chef)

maomao and jinshi (apothecary diaries)

shirayuki and obi (snow white with the red hair)

yona and hak (yona of the dawn)

other characters who appear in this AU (even if I haven't worked out what they do yet), bc you should not separate them ever: ryuu (AnS), and the happy hungry bunch (YotD)

the team dynamics:

in my HC shirayuki is the oldest of the group and seems (SEEMS) to be the most level-headed, while maomao and yaoyao are definitely evenly matched in levels of unhinged. yaoyao is canonically around 18-19, so she's most likely the second oldest

yona is the youngest at 16. however, she is also the only one of the group with a kill count. naturally the older girls are somewhat concerned but they're supportive anyway, and maomao later on offers to help make poison for yona's arrows. (it's her way of showing friendship)

yaoyao is the only one of them who's ACTUALLY married, and so she probably assumes that the other girls are also married to their respective tall, dark, handsome companions. shirayuki's avoiding eye contact, yona is flustered, and maomao... is not amused.

yaoyao and maomao are the kitchen powerhouse duo. if they combine their forces with yoon, then they become truly unstoppable

yona and shirayuki are definitely mistaken for the other girl by multiple people, due to their red hair (and dark-haired bodyguards/love interests). this could lead to a case of mistaken identity where shirayuki gets chased by soldiers bc they mistook her for yona, who's a fugitive

when the four girls get absolutely caught up in brainstorming a plan, the four guys have no choice but to trail after them and wait it out till they're done. obi is the most used to this behaviour from shirayuki while she works so he's already accustomed to it, and hak knows yona well enough to know that she'll explain it to him after, but chunyu and jinshi are still somewhat baffled. sucks to be them lol

like shirayuki, obi is the oldest out of the four guys and he takes care of them in his own way. big brother obi to the rescue!!!!!

the worldbuilding:

I will not lie, I only thought of this AU bc I wanted to put yaoyao and maomao together and have their nicknames be xiaoyao and xiaomao. but like everything else I start bc of something ridiculous, I ended up thinking way too much abt it so here's what I got so far

geographically speaking obiyuki would be coming from the west (AnS is set in a European-styled setting), while maomao and yaoyao would technically be in the same area. if we're going off of the assumption that yotd is set in pseudo-korea, then the kingdom of kouka would probably an ocean away from the empire of Li.

given the settings, it's not uncommon for foreigners to pass through Li, and since obiyuki canonically travel around n stuff they would probably pass through Li at least once

in terms of timeline, I'm very, VERY ROUGHLY guesstimating that cinderella chef and yotd were set in around the same time period (western jin dynasty in China, and the three kingdoms period in Korea).

emphasis on the rough guesstimate bc the show never explicitly mentions at what point in the past she's sent to, so I'm making do with what I can gather from the style of clothing and the architecture used in the setting. but I can only do so much since the show took quite the artistic liberty with historical events and other things like that

on the other hand, the apothecary diaries APPEARS to be set in 15th century China, but it's also not confirmed either so yes. this is fine. [strained smile]

so yeah! that's all I got for now JSJSJFHG I really want to write this AU but first I've got to pin down the dates and historical time periods bc my brain is weird like that. hope you enjoyed 🫶🏼

#snow white with the red hair #akagami no shirayukihime #akagami no shirayuki #obiyuki #the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #jinmao #cinderella chef #adorable food goddess #chunyao #chunyu x yaoyao #yona of the dawn #akatsuki no yona #hakyona #not hakyona and obiyuki having basically the same poses LOL #ngl I don't like chunyu too much w yaoyao and that's why we're fixing him in this AU #giving him the character development he DESERVES #he will grovel

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oh-my-may · 2 years

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Suna as your boyfriend headcanons

suna relationship headcanons? hes my fav charater and i loved your osamu Christmas cookies fanfic so i went to go see some more things you have written and i noticed that there was nothing for suna, and i really like your work so i was wondering if you could possibly write something for him. its perfectly fine if you dont have the time or just done want to.

A/N: Woah, anon, me too. I love Suna, he turned into one of my favorite characters when I read the manga, he's just so pretty <33

Also this is very long and detailed at times, it's been a while since I last wrote "headcanons" so instead during fitting parts I just straight up wrote a paragraph

word count: 2.5k

warnings: none, not proof read

My requests are open! Leave something for me there

Okay listen, being with suna might be one of the most chill things out there, like on a scale of all haikyuu characters he’s #1

But let’s start at the beginning

Suna is lowkey about his feelings. He keeps 98% of his feelings to himself and works through stuff on his own, and most of the time unfortunately he doesn’t find a solution for his problems like this and he doesn’t know how to approach things, ESPECIALLY when it comes to… love

When he was younger his family referred to him as a late boomer bc he never brought home a partner

The thing is… There were people he was interested in. But it never lasted long, or the feeling was not intense enough in order for him to actually consider making a move. It never bugged him.

Well, until High School when he got to know the Miya twins and (unfortunately) became friends with them quite quickly. And they were just so … so … much. So much of everything. Suna did not like that, he found their bickering to be amusing at best, a funny video on his phone he can replay for a laugh. But sometimes they came up with these silly competitions and bets. And sadly, he was involved in them quite soon after getting to know them. It was dumb insignificant stuff most of the time. Slowly steal Aran’s pens, one at a time out of his pencil case until none were remaining. Sometimes they also came up with stuff involving… well… romance. They were teenagers after all, it’s a quite prominent topic. Suna just made a face whenever the topic came up and of course the twins noticed his apprehensiveness towards the topic fast enough to come up with a plan. “Hey Suna, make a conversation longer than two minutes with a person you bump into today. Dare. We’ll clean the club room in your stead.” Suna hated that idea. What he heated even more though, was doing “unnecessary” tasks like moving too much while cleaning. Kita took care of that anyways. So he just sighed and nodded. Fine, then. Bold of them to assume he’d bump into anyone at all, he’s tall enough to clearly see everyone around him, there was no way someone would actually manage to bump into him without him avoiding it.

Or so he thought, because he did not see your clumsiness coming. How could he have. You were carrying big maps in your arms, a few too many for your size and arm length. Shame on you for being foolish enough to think you could carry the materials for two people since your friend was sick today. So after class, as Suna made his way up the stairs to his classroom, you came stumbling down with the maps in your arms threatening to fall all over the place. You almost managed to prevent the crisis. Almost. Someone must have lost a candy wrapper earlier today and not noticed. Now, with the tile floor of the stairs along with your slippery shoes, it was only a matter of time before you slipped and fell. You only caught a glimpse of someone coming up the stairs you were walking down. Inan attempt to save not anly your life and theirs you let go of the maps and cried out a “WAtch OUt-!” Suna looked up then, eyes widening as he watched the maps collapse down the stairs in front of him. He pressed his body to the railing, while holding out an arm to try and catch the falling materials. He did not succeed in that, but instead caught hold of your outstretched hand that was gripping after the maps. Surprised by the sudden skin contact you yelped and came to a hold in a weird crouching position in front of him, his long fingers wrapped around your wrist which most likely prevented you from falling to your knees completely.

Both of you shared a look before watching the maps rol down the last flight of stairs and finally stop at the foot of the platform. You sighed at the sight. “Great.” Was all you could utter in a less motivated tone now. Then you remembered the boy next to you, with your wrist still in his hold. “Uh, thanks for saving my life.” Suna was still perplexed. Did the Miyas have telekinetic powers? Did they plan this? “You’re welcome.” A quite polite answer from him. “Saved my own in the process, it seems.” He nodded towards the bundle of maps at the foot of the stairs. You could just answer with a helpless sound. “Sorry for this. Almost didn’t see you, I must have slipped on something.” Suna could still just look at your figure. He felt quite captivated by the way you talked to him so effortlessly despite never having met him. He was not rude, just quiet. He greeted others with silent nods and never made small talk. And here you were blabbering about how you got in this situation in the first place, talking about your geography teacher and sick friend, forming the grandest apology he’s ever heard from another teenager. Suna was so captivated that in his trance he said something you would have never heard him say: “So, do you need help carrying those?” A phrase his teammates never heard him say before. Suna Rintarou? Doing work he doesn’t have to do? What was wrong with him.

Suna is the type of guy that’s quite oblivious to his own feelings and for a big part also those of others. It’s a result of never paying attention when he felt a twinge of affection for people in the past. After your first encounter, Suna often found himself hanging out with you. The twins didn’t even know of your existence for the first few weeks. Suna just kept disappearing during breaks without a word, he was the first to leave practice and he spent even more time looking down at his phone. They first met you at a match, where you greeted Suna with a big smile and wave and shouted his name to cheer him on. “my gawd, he’s gotten himself a fan.” could be heard from Atsumu, who felt a twinge of jealousy and earned a kick from his brother. You hung around them a lot more afterwards and learned their antics personally, after Suna had spent way too much time ranting about them in your lunch break meetings or through text messages. There were weeks filled with those meetups and phone calls, you even met at the twins’ home to play video games, you came to his matches and sometimes to watch his practice, too. Weeks until Atsumu exploded after practice one day, grabbed Suna’s collar and shouted: “So what’s this with Y/N, huh? You just playin’ or somethin’? What’s wrong with ya?”

Suna did not know what he was talking about right of the bat. His eyes wandered to Osamu, who was usually a bit more calm and level-headed. He usually saved Suna from these situations. This time though he stood next to his brother and had the same look on his face. “Do you like them, you giant loaf, or nah?”

DID he like you? Of course he did, otherwise he wouldn’t hang out with you. “You stupid bloke, that’s not what we meant!” “Are ya in love with ‘em?” Oh. Is that why he felt so weird hanging out with you, compared to when he was hangout out with the team? Was that the reason why he felt so light and carefree with you? Is that why he texted you first and last thing in the day? When the Miyas noticed that clearly, they had reached something in him, they let go of him. “Man, ya gotta make a move. Y/N’s definitely into you but they’re way too nice to make the first move. Don’t wanna get rejected, I guess.” With those words Osamu gave him a pat on the shoulder and left.

It took Suna another two weeks to think about all this. Was he finally in love now? Was he so stupid he didn’t even notice how much nicer you were to him than your other friends?

His confession came unplanned. It was before an important qualifying match for nationals. He wasn’t nervous before those, usually. But today you were there. When he saw you waiting in the big hall before the gym, clad in Inarizaki colors and colourful smudges on your cheeks, holding a bigger box with something, looking out for… Well, most likely him, his heart definitely did some gymnastics he wasn't used to. When you finally caught sight of him and the team you got all excited, smiling from ear to ear and almost toppling over in the process, he had to look away and gulp. You were so so adorable and nice and sweet and pretty, there was no way he could ever do this. “Good luck! You got this, I’m sure. I mean, I’ve seen you practice, you’re definitely prepared!” You beamed at them. “Thank you, Y/N! See you after the match!” Atsumu answered with smug laughter and then got pushed away by his brother, who patted Suna’s back YET AGAIN as the team left. “Here, I even have a surprise for you.” You held up the box in front of his face, then. His eyebrows knitted. “What’s that?” You smiled triumphantly. “Well… Last week we went to that café with the twins after your practice, right? You mentioned your favourite pastry and how you barely see it in shops, so I thought that after the match… No matter how it will end – I mean of course you’ll win! – it would be nice if you had it, no?” “I love you.” The words slipped out before he had even realised. He was so enamoured by your deed, the way you were speaking then, that everything was overflowing all at once. “Woah… What?” You were about equally as shocked as he was. Your expressions mirrored each other. Suna wanted to ram his head against a wall but refrained. It was too late to take it back, now. “I’m being serious. I’m just a stupid idiot who doesn’t know anything about stuff like this so I didn’t know what was going on, so sorry if I hurt you. I will cherish the pastries after the match no matter what.” Feeling bold, he took your hands and pressed them tightly against his chest. “Talk to you after the match?” You just nodded, all light-headed from the sudden confession and change of pace in your relationship.

Surprisingly, afterwards not a lot of things changed. You still hung out at school, after practice, he walked you home or picked you up. You hung out with the twins, played video games, you sat in front of him at the gym when he exercised to motivate him. Just from now on, the looks you exchanged had more affection in them. He placed his hand on your back or over your shoulders when you were standing somewhere. He placed his head on your thighs when you came to watch their practice and he needed a break, so you stroked his hair only for both of you to get scolded by Kita. Now, he took your hand when you walked to get coffee and took pictures of you. So many pictures and videos, of almost all things you did.

That’s how he preserves your relationship. He probably has about 10 folders on his laptop filled with your shared memories of late night trips to the grocery store, his matches where you came to cheer him and the team on, lazy afternoons at the Miya’s who just got annoyed that they were now friends with a couple, and many more

Dates with Suna are spontaneous most of the time and he prefers staying inside and hanging out. His love language is quality time and you learn that quite quickly. He just comes over at random times to do his homework even though you have to learn something completely different. But he does not mind, as long as you’re both in the same room. Trying new video games, reading to each other, cooking and baking together, watching movies and shows – that’s how you usually spend your time. But Suna also enjoys taking you to the cinema, or walks out of the city up the local hills, away from civilization where you’re just surrounded by endless fields and giant trees. When he got his driver’s license he often picked you up at random times of the day and you just drove off to some place, sometimes rounding the same block 20 times or completely leaving everything behind for 3 hours. As long as you’re next to him and you both can listen to the music you both enjoy the most, he’s contempt with everything

As mentioned before, he’s big on subtle PDA, but do not ever kiss him in public. Let him initiate the PDA, a hand on your thigh or waist or back, a cute pat on your head, stroking your cheek and then pinching it – those are his go-tos. Good luck kisses before matches only become a thing for you after he leaves High School and joins the higher leagues and the games get more serious. It only happened a few times that he was so ecstatic after a match that he came up to you and kissed you right there on the spot for everyone to see. He usually likes to keep your relationship to himself when it comes to things like this.

However, he loves posting pictures of you. You know those slightly blurry pictures? Yeah, tons of those of you in his stories with either really stupid captions or a single black heart

Suna may seem lazy but he’s a hard worker and knows what he wants in life. Almost as important as his own future is yours to him. He’s your biggest hype man and supporter. Accompanying you to important exams, helping you learn and make hard decisions for your future. He just needs you to learn that he’s always there and you can tell him anything.

A thing you have to accept with Suna is that as much as he cherishes time with you and loves spending time with you, he needs time to himself as well. He’ll send you a small text or leave a small note about heading out for a while and you will find him coming back at night, the fresh air of the night wind around him, signalling that he went on a long drive with the windows down for a while

And … that’s about all I have to say for now. Suna’s my type of man definitely, 12/10 would date IF he was real :’)

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cryingforcrocodiles · 11 months

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got tagged by my great friend, @licharlo this tag ting. thank you for it!!!

rules: share the first lines of your ten most recent fanfics and tag ten people. if you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyways.

yall got ten recent fics? .... bless. i write something once and never touch it again. speaking of those im gonna... try n finish fr sojdkdjdr. i got 3!

[1: labios rotos – lichantony but it's chapter 2. it's lowercase bc i write in lowercase b4 editing 🙏🏿]

"i'm never letting you drink like that again." which is licha for i'm never letting you pick what we drink ever again.

antony gives a quick thumbs up before he's back to hurling into the toilet bowl, head bowing inside the toilet. it makes licha grimace.

“damn,” licha hisses, moving from his eariler position of leaning on the doorframe to the floor where antony is pathetically retching his heart out. “fuckin' nasty.” despite his words, his hand comes to lay on the curve of antony's back, his palm rubbing gently back and forth until antony stops puking.

[2: seal them up with care – gimbappe but it's another chapter 2 i refuse to touch]

Halftime is busy. The locker room busier. Everyone buzzes around like polluted bees, twitchy, thrilled, and eager. You can assume Olivier is the most thrilled by the amount of social acrobatics he's currently performing. He thinks he's touched every wall in some capacity since he busted his way in. He was spreading his infectious enthusiasm and pride through contact. He feels like praying, dropping to his knees right on this cold floor and rejoicing, damn it. His teammates certainly are as he got spun around twice, maybe three times in the last 12 seconds. He even animatedly strategized with Deschamps (who was rubbing the bridge of his nose harshly enough to bruise the entire time). That didn't dampen his mood in the slightest, in fact, fueled it.

Without realizing it, he's picking up his water bottle and draining it. The water tastes awful. He chokes more so than swallows. Some sputter out of his mouth as he's touched by passing team members.

[3: darts of pleasure or auf achse. can't decide – lichantony (oh again haiii) once again lowercase bc i haven't edited it all. n it seems like. suggestive. n it kinda is. definitely is but its ... anyways!]

"hey– hey," came the reprimand. rough, bandaged fingers press down along his jawline, its pressure forcing antony to snap his head up, make eye contact. maybe it's the heat inside the locker room but antony burns. his neck and cheeks flushing out as the pressure loosens on his jaw. licha alternates to little circles, like he's apologizing for the spook. antony only shakily breathes, dumbfounded and unmoving as he all he can do is listen and look.

"are you listening?" licha looks straight into his soul, like he's so tough and not standing half naked between his legs.

---

annnd that's it. thank you. thank god. mwah. good days.

i don't have many writers friends left to tag but @0alanasworld0 (if ur still writing in-between time), @buttergirlepic (PLS DANI.), uhhh @kylianmbappeh, @gracelsalvatore, and @pablitogavii <3 love u guys take care. feel free to ignore <3

#phew writing sure is difficult huh <- hasnt written since april #but nonetheless #thank u for the tag nikka i forget that i am technically a writer so ty for reminding me n making myself feel better ☠️🙏🏿#tagged games #friends #gen.txt #this can make me reflect on how i open my fics. usually with speech or a sound. i love myself

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misqnon · 16 days

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its... its... its marchm.... its march OFF anon... u can keep calling me march if u want. or rowan.. im not picky.. i have many names.. i keep writing these when im very tired and i get super rambly,, forgive me..

idk i think enemies to lovers is just .. i get too angry... when they're actually enemies.. im the type to REALLY hold a grudge and like. file away every single wrong done to me.. and i cant help but also do that with fictional characters. yeah i swear im healthy... i swear... YOUD DO THAT FOR ME?? and how ... how could i ever repay u.. but actually do whatever u want!! i do Not Like telling ppl what to do LMAO because i hate it when its done to me (i might have a bit of pda autism). if u did hanyagellan fanfic for me i would be eternally grateful and probably Die. but if u didnt i would be perfectly fine :)

i forgot kidd doesnt really appear much til wano .. i read wano ages ago so he is just like . a permanent member in my brain now. i think of him and luffy and law as a trio and then i remember that wait.. it was only luffy and law for the longest time... anyways hes awesome. he definitely has tits to rival zoro. and killer is also awesome.. i love killer. in my head killer is a very nice sweet guy. and then i remember his name is apparently massacre soldier killer. and that kidd and his crew murder innocent people. and its like oh right ... theyre not just.. funny little guys ... they're evil funny little guys... also kidd is SCOTTISH?? imagine him with that accent. wonderful. perfect. it suits him so well.

ive seen t4t frobin and i do Love it. i do.. i also love tjem as just wonderful allies. idk either way theyre lovely

i also read on tcbscans!!! i dont really read the comments all that much (shockingly, because i love to read comments on other platforms) but IM SO GLAD!! UVE HEARD IT!!!

oda has..... a Problem.... looks at mitsutoshi shimabukuro and nobuhiro watsuki. (pedophiles he has supported) anyways yeah it's like . its .. its so disgusting. i loved kyros so much and like . it was ruined!!! it was ruined for me!!! WHY in my favorite arc. i think its valid to count shirahoshi. there is literally no reason to make it so the underage characters are supposed be attractive. they did it with rebecca too,, like she couldve easily just worn leather or something under her armor. but she didnt. shes supposed to be sexy. as a 16 year old. and actually it gets worse later in the story!! so look forward to that!! /s

MORE TONIGHT HELL YEAH!!!! (by the time i finish writing this u will probably have already read the chapters LOL). i actually adore chiffon and lola (i saw u talk abt this so..) and i also think its bc theyre not meant to be attractive. oda can only write women well when theyre not supposed to be sexy (im exaggerating bc nami and robin are well written, its just. theyre not as dynamic and interesting after the time skip). also i Love bege and chiffons weird little baby . he has stubble . wonderful. i love that bege baby talks to him unashamedly. an actually good father in one piece?? its rare but it DOES happen!!

i actually watched the first episode of the live action today!!! and yeah i decided i do NOT like mackenyu's acting as zoro. i dont really blame mackenyu for it bc i assume its an issue with the producers or writers or whatever wanting to make him more badass,, but i kind of cant stand it. he has the cool guy vocal fry.... i hate it... i hate that. i looked up videos of mackenyu in like. regular settings! and he seems like a genuinely cool person!! i think if he could channel his regular energy into zoro more.. it would be perfect . i would say that is the perfect zoro. to be fair though he could relax a bit with the cool guy thing later on in the show and i just don't know it yet bc i only watched episode one (holding out hope that thats what happens). overall . besides my issues with zoro being too cool n serious and monotone.. it was actually really enjoyable!! the kobylu moment where theyre stargazing together?? hello??? hello???? for the record i dont really ship kobylu but i do enjoy the ship.. does that distinction make sense.. i hope it does. and also zoro has freckles. i cant get over that... freckles ... he has freckles.. there r a few choices i didnt like (that i cant remember rn) but it was a fun watch!!!!

I WOULD SHOW U BUT . BUT ITS JUST .. ITS JUST HER HEAD .. I DIDNT DRAW SHOULDERS OR ANYTHING... i just wanted to get down my most basic of ideas .. i swear the moment i draw a fem sanji im happy with.... u will see her.

haha.. so dada.. and . abrina.. am..abro.. abromava.. marina abromavia.. abromavic of him . yeah. so dada and marina abromavic of him . ok but i looked up marina abromavic and!! "rest energy" i know that one!! (thats all i know.. though dada looks familiar)

i love the secret freaks

"[eyebags the size of dinner plates]" is so funny,, i always wanted to move house as a child . just once. i thought it was very cool and trendy when people in my class said they were moving. and also i didnt like my neighborhood (i still dont). i know now that moving is not what i had thought it to be. as a child.

very soon!! (now)

i definitely played games online as a kid but i also like. was on websites i should not have been on (deviantart) as young as 10. my old youtube comments arent that bad to look back on, sometimes theyre kind of funny, but i imagine finding any of my old accounts on any other website would be very upsetting 😭. i dont know if i ever deleted my accounts or if theyre all still out there . for me to come across at any time. (though i doubt i ever will, considering i havent in the 10+ years since)

i also try not to put anything else out there, but sometimes i (stupidly . very stupidly) decide to just. not care that much. i have just accepted that people have probably found photos of me as a child online (not that i remember posting anything from before i was like 15 but. still) and i. just live with the constant assumption that i am being watched. im a very paranoid person sometimes so i know if i stress out about whatever is online about me it will literally turn into an existential crisis

uhh thats all kind of (really) heavy sorry about that!!

tbh with anime... betrayal is always possible. i started an anime called usagi drop a few years ago and then stopped because i. got bored? maybe? and whoops, turns out they have a romantic relationship. thank god i dropped it

i was actually looking up vocaloid stuff yesterday.. learning The History (i was watching kaito x gakupo mmd's) and i found out nyan cat?? was vocaloid?? originally?? and the version that got popular was utauloid?? i used to play 10 hour nyan cat videos on the tv. this was a monumental discovery. i love finding out that niche internet communities are like . the beginning . of a huge internet meme.. its seriously so interesting. plus i recognized a lot of older popular vocaloid songs!! i had no idea it had seeped so much into my life . without me knowing it.

i was kind of tempted to go see kikuo and bo en live!! im kind of?? a bo en fan?? i listened to that song that was in omori before omori was out (i still dont really know what omori is) and i like a few other songs by them but im not really someone who likes musical artists. i just like a few songs,, or one song,, from an artist,, and then nothing else. i do like quite a few of kikuo's songs though!! most of all i was just tempted bc the timing was right and i noticed they were coming to a city nearby. didnt end up going bc i couldnt justify it!! did u have a good time!? also i saw the miku expo experience,, in portland.. where they just got what was visibly just,, a tv. even as someone who is a Beginner vocaloid fan.. that is so disappointing

my aphantasia isnt really that bad and its not something i notice most of the time, so it doesn't really get in the way. i kind of think it might help me in art because i dont get stuck on the blank canvas part, trying to picture what to draw? idk ive heard a lot of ppl talk abt that being a struggle. i just jump right into it since i cant come up with anything most of the time anyways. other times tho i can picture things very clearly.. i think part of the aphantasia is just that i have autism. and adhd. and i cant concentrate well enough to picture things a lot of the time, especially when i actually want to. most of the time the things i successfully picture are involuntary

i dont know why they dont anymore but no!! they dont!! i havent actually tried to look up the reason or if this is a permanent thing. i should.. it might also just be that its not being scanned or its not included in digital files.. idk . any number of things. ok i checked and i found a translation on reddit of the volume 107 sbs, but its not in the tcb scans . so i have to assume its just that they dont have the scans for the sbs, and oda is still doing it consistently?? either way its not easy to find

oda canon skin tones should be IGNORED.. too boring... as for the women. he has literally devolved. nami and robin pre timeskip... come back... please.

i get posts u reblogged from like. the beginning of march.. sometimes.. that feels like ages ago... i actually want to interact with a lot of the things u reblog bc theyre good.. and half of it is stuff i mean to reblog anyways but havent. but i dont wanna spam u. and i definitely would spam u. on accident. but still..

idk if u use tiktok at all (i didnt used to but i have been zoomerpilled or whatever the kids would say ..) but there was an audio that got pretty popular that's like. "you can call me anything! you can even call me dookie! ...... NEVER CALL ME DOOKIE!!" and THAT WAS IVA IN IMPEL DOWN!! anyways watching that scene in impel down as a kid.. was very influential. it probably is why i identified as genderfluid for a bit?? i had never really seen any trans characters before or met any trans people in real life. so when i saw . trans characters. i was like wow... u can do that? thats allowed? it was mindblowing. picture me with big sparkly eyes full of wonder.

"transgenderism is a thrilling character trait" is extremely funny wording. i think he HAS done some research (it shows in his most recent trans characters, my issues with yamato aside) but when he made the newkamas.... yeah.... i dont know if he really thought about what kind of life experiences they would have. as trans people. or whether he was even portraying them well. it really was just "hey this would be a funny character.." and then there they were.

i love all 3 of the fishman princes and actually i am very thankful the other 2 (i can never remember their names... ryuboshi and.. something.. sorry guys..) arent just like . The same character copy and pasted. but i agree!! that moment broke my heart. u poor kids :(. ive never seen d gray man so this was probably (?) my first introduction to noahs ark in . anime,, manga. im rly excited for whenever the scene will be. where everyone boards.. and .. idk .. is led to the dawn of the new world.. or whatever they say is supposed to happen

YEAH I WANT TEENAGE CHOPPER!!! he can still be a wholesome guy but please .. please.. treat him a LITTLE BIT like .. a teenager.. the teenager he is. i love horn point chopper . i wish we could see all his forms a bit more. i also wish for more chopper angst like .. i loved when they fought aokiji right before water 7 because it had a really great chopper moment. he was directing the other crewmates on what to do and it was so high tension and emotional,,, i miss that.

ok i agree zoro getting lost is timeless. i see jokes abt it everywhere and i dont even mind. i didnt like nami's slapstick joke in the beginning but ive kinda become neutral about it. i dont find it funny but i dont dislike it either. brook panties joke is gross ... gross old man. but i thought it was very funny when he asked camie for money because she didnt have any panties. making him from a creep into just a pathetic old guy would be funny imo. actually i do like brook's skull jokes mostly bc theyre so lame. im a fan of jokes so bad theyre good. and now 80% of the time he gets ignored... and i find that funnier. ill laugh at ur jokes brook.. i swear... ill laugh.

literally the whole setting of water 7 was so interesting and cool and . i adored it. the aqua laguna,, part of the city being underwater bc the water level keeps rising. the canals!! the water horses!! its all so fun. i actually do love the frobin moments in enies lobby, and i love kaku, and i love the "i want to live" moment, but other than that i dont have much i found super exciting.. oh and the moment with the merry at the end of it. that broke me . why give me hope and then rip it away from me!! oda always does this. /pos though.

what about,,, sanji except he wears colored contacts sometimes just to confuse the crew. "your eyes were brown yesterday what the fuck happened??"

"[clanging my sanji gavel] order in the court" SANJI GAVEL,,,, THATS FUNNY

"if there’s multiple types of conqueror’s haki it it like..all based on one guy? one original conqueror ?? and who was it…" ough ur so smart for this.. i never considered that..

zoro is Definitely favored with op stuff. i do think he is usually considered second mate so its like... kind of fair imo? but at the same time... yeah... oda could spread the wealth a little. make everyone else have more development rather than just focusing on zoro.

i see ur shanks argument and i counter with all humans are ugly sometimes.. that picture is fantastic though hes really ratting it up

cora and doflamingo are so giant .. and they came from 2 very normal sized parents. maybe its their diet...?? no but.. they were extremely poor for several years... idk one piece is so wild. like what do u mean geko moria is just a regular human. hes not even a different race... he just grew like that.. i think its funny to imagine the evil characters feeling awkward because they dont have a seat and just .. crossing their arms and pretending to be cool. i didnt see that doflamingo post but i looked it up and he really is like a cat. birdcat.. catbird.. sitting right in the middle.

i dont know if i ever have moments where i think "luffy wouldnt do this" because honestly i dont think im very good at character analysis. i really struggle to feel connected to and like i understand people or characters,, maybe its just because i tend to assume theres depth where there might not be. or maybe i just severely underestimate myself LOL. but i do 100000% agree oda should take notes from his own character... like luffy is so non judgemental and. idk. hes so easy to aspire to be like. everyone could benefit from being like luffy or having someone like luffy in their life. i completely agree that he doesnt acknowledge? accept? understand? gender roles. and this is why luffy is genderfluid /hj. but yes i get u!!!

im so glad we have come to a mutual understanding about cannibalism. i am joining u.

THE LUFFY IMAGE.. ok im coming

ok ur headcanons..

i headcanon lesbian sanji . until i see sanuso... and then... i lose all strength in my beliefs .... sanji is a transfem bisexual and she is dating usopp. <- i find it funny that im like that bc i was hardcore like "sanji is a lesbian." "i wont ship usopp with anyone bc of kaya" (i dont like shipping characters when i think theyll end up with another character bc i am very sensitive to disappointment) and i have thrown my beliefs out the window bc i love sanuso so much. also do u have a screenshot or anything of the sbs question bc i dont remember seeing that /gen. i want to see.. i want to see the bisexuality with my own eyes...

i agree zoro is gay. i also have recently been converted to the zoro is transmasc .. train? what . u know what i mean hopefully. i also dont ship zolu bc luffy is hardcore aroace (and if i shipped him with anyone it would be koby as a mostly one sided thing) but they do have a fun relationship and i enjoy seeing zolu content.. tbh im not picky abt shipping most of the time as long as it isnt proship. most ships im just like "i understand the appeal" and dont have many feelings beyond that

lesbian nami is so true. i understand it after rereading.. i see the gay in her.

i think i mentioned t4t frobin earlier in the post but yeah,, even as cishet allies theyre wonderful.. good people. cute couple.

i see straight usopp and i also see bi usopp. no matter what ,,, he likes women for sure. i also saw transmasc usopp and i actually love it.. transmasc usopp.

brook could be anything tbh. i dont really have strong opinions abt his sexuality but i enjoy bisexual brook. its even alliterative!!

chopper is a reindeer... a BI, TRANS reindeer

ok ur too educated and cultured for me... i know zorro and rudolph and pinocchio but i honestly dont know the rest. i live under a rock and dont usually bother to learn about new things (unless its like. current events. or any of my niche interests)

i actually adore rudolph though and yeah when i realized chopper is rudolph . i was very excited. the rudolph the red-nosed reindeer from 1964 is my favorite christmas movie ever. i genuinely adore it. also im pretty sure the person who made that movie is lgbtq and purposefully put lgbtq themes into the movie. i always felt a connection to rudolph bc my child mind thought of him as trans and gay without really realizing that was what i assumed him to be lmao. i dont remember if the lgbtq themes actually involve rudolph himself but thats who i identified with as a kid and i will stick by it. anyways that is why chopper is transmasc and bi in my headcanons haha

uhhh uhhhh.. to end the message..

OH SHIT OFF ANON!!! do u know how funny it would have been if u came off anon and i was thinking u were a completely different blog somehow. i would have cried

ur reasoning for not liking enemies to lovers is very valid but i laughed thinking about zosan making out or something and ur just standing there like NO…..YOU SHOULD BE ANGRY,.,...KILL!!!

i really doubt i will have the time to write hanyagellan but it sounds so novelty and fun that IDK MAYBE SOMEDAY N FSVNF DC

I HAVE LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW KID LAW AND LUFFY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN 3 OF THE WORST GENERATION BUT ITS MOSTLY JUST LUFFY AND LAW AND THEN KIDD’S THERE LIKE 🧍”me and you and you and me and you and your friend steve”

i have only really seen fanon killer which yea does not give the murder of innocents vibe but you know what. thats ok sometimes silly happy little guys are just murderers and thats ok- no i literally did not. realize kids crew did that. LMFAO well i like doffy so clearly this isnt gonna change much for me. but scottish kid…thats fuckign PERFECCT …KIDD….KID MY BELOVED

oh yeah oda’s weird pedo tendencies are uhh 100% my least favorite thing about him. the sexualization of the 16 year olds usually makes me have to pause for that day and come back later cause it just ruins it for me. WHAT DO U MEAN IT GETS WORSE 😭😭😭 NOOOOOO

ur absolutely correct btw. abt how his well-written women have to be ugly. dnf,mvcd like yea nami and robin exist but they have been a bit sidelined in terms of development meanwhile the characters that are both sexualized and well written…i can barely pay attention to their writing bc it feels undermined by the intense sexualization.

bege’s baby is terrible. irs terrible i hate it. but it makes me laugh so hard. although bege doing the baby voice and cooing over his baby was very cute and i DID love that LMAO

RIP MACKENYU ZORO…YOU TRIED I GUESS..yea i think the showrunner was maybe thinking too much about post timeskip zoro while also trying to amplify his coolness and it just came off as. trying way too hard. i think he has a few better moments but also the Too Edgy moments continue so its a mixed bag. though zoro’s characterization seems to be one of the major criticisms ive seen across the board so maybe they’ll lighten him up for season 2. also koby is so perfect in the live action. him and luffy are adorable. i dont ship it either but i can see the vision. they were damn cute ps. they had exactly one f-word pass for season one and they gave it to zoro but like. in the most hilarious throw away line ever. however this means in at least one piece of one piece canon zoro has said fuck.

trades you hanyagellan fanfiction for the transji drawing (im kidding, dont worry abt it!!)

“haha.. so dada.. and . abrina.. am..abro.. abromava.. marina abromavia” luffy trying to pronounce the name of someone he doesnt care about be like

oh yea i definitely have a million accounts on random website that like. i dont even remember. once i tried to see if there was some kind of website or plug in or tool to put in your email address and find any accounts linked to it so i could delete them but i didnt really find what i was looking for which is crazy. like i have a fuckin nico nico douga account from when i used to watch vocaloid videos on there. the website is entirely in japanese. insane

and about the "heavy" internet stuff NO UR GOOD im in a similar boat and i just. choose not to think about it too hard. blissful ignorance

YES YES IVE HEARD OF USAGI DROP. FOR THAT VERY REASON. I THINK WHEN YASHAHIME STARTED AND WE DIDNT KNOW WHO THE MOM OF SESSHOMARU’S CHILDREN WERE EVERYONE WAS LIKE PRAYING IT WASNT RIN INCLUDING ME BUT I REMEMBERED THAT RUMIKO AT ONE POINT MENTIONED LIKING USAGI DROP AND I WAS LIKE. its so jover you guys

“i was actually looking up vocaloid stuff yesterday.. learning The History (i was watching kaito x gakupo mmd's)” KSDNNLKSM

yea!! nyan cat was an utau called momo i think? the nyan cat creator is actually here on tumblr lmao. i found them a couple years ago and was like holy shit… @ prguitarman. also the vocaloid oliver voices puppycat in bee and puppycat! and a vocaloid song actually mde it into a MARVEL MOVIE?? that one fucking sent me. its this one and it isnt even just miku whos the most mainstream its like. so many of them. we’re doing it u guys

yea most of my favs are the classics!! i could link my vocaloid megaplaylist but its. long. i only went bc i was like ‘THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE TO SEE ANYTHING LIKE A VOCALOID CONCERT IN PERSON KIKUO MIGHT NEVER COME TO THE US AGAIN” and i had to have a friend drive me all the way to chicago for it (I Dont Live In Chicago) but it was worth it. i had one of the most fun times of my life lmao. i was JAMMIN. ive heard about the miku expo thign lmao. i think its bc miku is at coachella this weekend (?) or whatever so they might have taken her hologram tech there instead. LAME!

my other friends with aphantasia are artists as well so clearly it doesnt stop yall 💪 i do struggle with the blank canvas part lmao. but mostly i think i just find starting to be the hardest part of anything.

i think 90% of what oda says should be ignored LMAO. MY STORY NOW!! half joking. maybe a little more than half. when the live action cast talks about how much they respect him and how cool meeting and talking to him was i almost feel bad bc he seems like a kind and goofy guy a lot of the time, but oof, man really needs to evaluate his biases…

tumblr putting posts from early march on ur dash..

why does it do that. i hate that it does that. sometimes i post things and then purposely bury them with other posts so no one sees. TUMBLR PLEASE JUST SHOW MY SHIT IN ORDER

feel free to spam me i do it to other ppl all the time and i dont care at all lmao

I DONT USE TIKTOK (i did for a couple years in college but not anymore) BUT I . DFJNDKL. I ONLY KIND OF KNEW ABOUT THIS BC MY FRIEND SENT ME A REEL OF IT ON INSTAGRAM BUT I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS PRETTY POPULAR??? THATS SO FUN LMAO I LOVE IVA. THEY DESERVE THE FAME. ivankov being ur trans egg break is so weird to me bc it feels so recent but yea impel down came out in 2008 or 9….and also like. do you think oda knows. what he did. KDNFSJ if they bring sbs back (?) u should just sent in a letter like “oda thank u for showing me ivankov u made me realize i was nonbinary 👍” i wanna see what he says fkjvndkj

just now realizing how funny "transgenderism is a thrilling character trait" is thank you for that HAHA. i think he has done at least a little now (and iva is apparently based not only on dr frankenfurter but also a drag queen he knew irl?) but yea back then he needed. uh. a bit more. funny character was pretty much the extent of it. i mean he treated bon clay fairly well from all the way back in alabasta but sometimes i think about how bon clay’s jacket just says “OKAMA” on the back and it can. sometimes be considered a slur? i mean. would i wear a giant jacket that said fag on the back……yes duh. but like tHATS NOT THE POINT, and not everyone is okay w that!!

i remembered manboshi but not ryuboshi. 2gether we can remember the fishman royal family LMAO. god what was noahs ark supposed to be. i think it was supposed to take all of fishman island to the surface?? maybe. but i feel like it was more plot relevant than that. like poneglyph’s and gold roger were involved somehow. idk man im trusting oda to fit everything in before he ends the dang manga

i forget about the camie scene EVERY SINGLE TIME and EVERY SINGLE TIME i expect him to say panties and when he says money i always LOSE IT especially bc in the dub he sounds like mr krabs in that moment 😭

speaking of the water horses can we talk about how franky’s were named SODOM AND GOMORRAH. KDSFND. i made a comic about it that was probably too niche for most people to understand bc u have to have knowledge of dorian electra and also drag race and also the fact that those two random animal characters were named sodom and gomorrah.

SANJI WEARING COLORED CONTACTS TO FUCK WITH THE CREW XFKDJ. i can see him doing this but only to zoro. to piss him off. usopp’s in on it probably

i need a damn sanji gavel. someone on twitter goes by “ceo of sanji” and everyday i am jealous that i did not think of it first

people (dudebro powerscalers) always talk about whether zoro or sanji is stronger and i know oda has said/implied several times that theyre supposed to be different but equal but i mean. there’s quite a few small hints that zoro is supposed to be stronger. imo. as a sanji fan i must admit this. i mean making him taller by only 1 entire cm post timeskip. oda u were evil for that

“maybe its their diet?” its the crack cocaine - KJDNFSDO no that wouldnt make sense for cora but yea why. why are they so tall. i really think its just the weird way the world works. again i will blame gravity. bc im in the middle of big mom’s backstory rn and shes HUGE but ?? apparently not a giant?? SHE WAS JUST BIG??

tbh im not the best at character analysis either. i just read/watch/consume a lot of it and then parrot what i heard other ppl say to some degree (if it was supported by the text and had evidence and didnt seem . wrong. like i still evaluate it) but im bad about doing it myself. truthfully this probably stemmed from all those vocaloid videos i watched as a kid with insane strorylines that i always had to just go to the comments to have them explained to me. the songs being in japanese did not help 💀

i am not a multishipper bc i commit hard to one thing so i dont like most other sanji ships but sanuso gets a pass bc its very cute. lesbian sanji is beautiful. and yea im a little picky but as long as it isnt proship! go for it!!

i will do you one better and give u a link to the SBS + a translator who looked at the question.

AND IM THE SAME WAY i dont think its bc im sensitive to disappointment (well. i am actually but. in this case thats not the main reason) but because i like to think of the closest way i can get what i want with it being…realistic. thats the only reason i dont HC every single strawhat as gay in some way cause i was like i know oda would not. but i can meet him halfway. oda hear me out. 50% WE CAN DO 50%

TRANSMASC ZORO HITS SO DIFFERENT I AM WITH YOU THERE. part of it may be one of my closest friends is transmasc and has loved zoro forever so in my heart im like. yes. zoro is trans. for my friend. but also ive read quite a few trans zoro fics (i’d link them but theyre all zosan. Im Sorry) and the twist it puts on his relationship with kuina…is so cool. actually i take it back, just read this summary from neonglaceon on AO3:

JBSHJDKS IM REALLY NOT THAT CULTURED TRUST ME. if u havent seen the matilda movie…u should its a nostalgic childhood movie for me. its got danny devito…yea. and i only know cyrano de bergerac bc i saw it performed at a local university and goddd it was my first time seeing live theatre and i was. ENTRANCED

YOU KNOW WHAT? YEA. TRANS GAY RUDOLPH. HE’S AN OUTCAST LIKE US OK!! i will take any allegory for someone being an outcast/social pariah and be like “oh so gay allegory? so gay coding?”

ok but t4t frobin and chopper their little trans son…stop thats so cute

so glad to see u can send images now. i will close off by asking 1. any fav op content creators/artists/blogs?

and give u this image

#asks #replies #march anon #but ...urnot anon anymore #aarghstop #long post

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haespoir · 11 months

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everytime: jjh, mkl. (preview)

⨯ pairing: situationship!jaehyun, situationship!mark, reader

⨯ word count: 519 (1.2k written, estimated: idk dont ask me that)

⨯ summary: going back to jaehyun felt natural. a single call from him had you running back. but with enough encouragement, your friends are able to convince you to pursue other people. god, you hated dating in 2023. what the fuck was a situationship anyways?

⨯ playlist: breathin, ariana grande / everytime, ariana grande...

⨯ a/n: i’m shit at summaries, but i;ve been working on this bc i have mark lee brain rot... idk man i just adore him.. could also be seen as a prologue to these texts

...

“Are you seriously not coming, Jae?” He can hear the irritation in your voice, and while he wishes he could say something that would soothe the flame that lights in your heart, he can’t. The sigh he lets out is all you need to hear before you’re spitting out quick profanities and ending the call.

Your friends are met with a blank stare; you were always so different when Jaehyun wasn’t there. It was like the male held your happiness in his hands, and they absolutely hated it. So many times they had sat you down and begged for you to end things with the male. You were on the back burner ever since his ex walked back into the picture, but when he called you high, you were crawling right back.

“You can’t keep going back to him,” Jiwon states, the only friend there brave enough to break the silence. “It’s getting ridiculous at this point. It’s the third time he’s flaked to hang out with her.”

It hurts so bad to know that it’s true. You had given the male multiple chances to hang out with you and your friends this week. And each time he let you down. With a small sigh, you slouch into the arms of your friends. If you couldn’t be in Jaehyun’s arms, this was the next best place to be.

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Jiwon says, passing you a red solo cup that you assume is filled with some sort of concoction of soju and juice. “We’re going to pregame, and then when we get to the party, you’re finally talking to that Mark guy.” The pointed look she gives you is one you know you can’t argue with. Even if there’s nothing more you’d rather do than lay in bed and wallow in your self-pity, you know your friends want the best for you. And so you do exactly as Jiwon says.

The second you arrive at the party, Mark’s arm is around your waist. It’s impossible to fight the permanent blush that dances across your cheeks at the way he treats you. He’s so sweet, so incredibly sweet that you feel the cavities forming after you’ve pressed multiple short kisses on his lips.

You’ve almost nearly forgotten your relationship with Jaehyun, if you could even call it that. It’s not until you hear his laugh, his ex’s laugh echoing just as loud in your mind. Of course, he was here. It was Johnny’s party. He just couldn’t be here with you. And that hurts; it washes the sweetness of Mark out of your mouth, and suddenly you feel yourself on the brink of tears.

As if he can feel the tsunami of emotions you’re feeling, Mark presses another sweet kiss on the corner of your lips. “Breathe.” When you look up at him with glossy eyes, he gently squeezes your hip. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” And for some reason, you trust everything he says. Which is why Jaehyun’s forced to watch as you slip out of the house, one of his best friend’s arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

#jaehyun #mark #HEHEHEHE

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halseyquinn · 2 years

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My thoughts on Mirabel‘s “gift” (Disney’s “Encanto”)

A/N: I’m making a separate post out of this now, bc I’ve only just realized that when I reblog something it’s only visible on my own blog :/

TW: Mention of mental health issues, trauma, difficult family relationships and “pseudo independence” in children/young people

So, there‘s been a lot of discussions and theories in the “Encanto“ fandom about whether Mirabel actually has a “gift“ or not and if not, why. Some good points have, for example, been recently made by @allthingsencanto and I don‘t want to repeat thoughts and ideas that have already been written down. Still I found this post citing interviews with Jared Bush and Charise Castro Smith very interesting in that respect (thanks @allthingsencanto) - here’s the link to the post: https://allthingsencanto.tumblr.com/post/690857724206006272/was-looking-at-a-few-article-interviews-heres

There is this theory that Alma and Mirabel have the same “gift” and Mirabel is most likely supposed to inherit her grandmother’s role in the family one day (which is not the main point that I‘ll be driving at). What rather puzzled me is the following question: Why did it take so long for the whole family to find this out? Assuming that Casita means well for the Madrigal family (including Mirabel): Why did it let Mirabel live in shame for all these years? Why did it conjure up a “door” for her in the first place, only to make it vanish the moment she wanted to open it? Didn’t it have any possibility to make clear to the Madrigals what exactly Mirabel’s “gift“ or, better, “role“ in the family was? That she was either supposed to follow in Alma’s footsteps one day and/or help the family realize their problems and to finally overcome them together?

I think these questions become clearer when we think about what Casita’s magic and the Madrigal’s gifts could actually stand for when we take all the “magical“ elements away: i.e. the house as a symbol for healthy and solid family relationships and the gifts symbolizing burdens that people have to deal with in their lives that cause stress and possibly even mental health issues. If we keep that in mind, it could mean that if Casita (i.e. the family’s foundation) wasn’t “strong” enough at that time, Mirabel’s actual “gift“ or “role“ was simply overlooked - which could likely happen in a family where everybody has to deal with their own problems.

But it could also mean that Mirabel only developed her “gift/role“ later - due to how her life turned out. Growing up without a(n obvious) gift she had to deal with a lot of negative emotions and perceptions - but she also learned to “open her eyes” and “see” more than the rest of the family, because she focused on what was going on around her rather than her own “gift” (or problems). I think I read once that there is a phenomenon called “pseudo-independence”: When children grow up learning that they have to deal with their problems on their own, because their caretakers can’t or won’t take care of them properly, they seem to become “independent” really fast, although they actually just don’t show their true feelings and wants (especially wanting to be taken care of). Seeing that everyone else around Mirabel was so occupied with their own “gifts” (i.e. problems), I think she could have grown up to become “pseudo independent” - trying to fix the “magic” (i.e. family) on her own, therefore becoming the next “keeper of the candle“ (or simply: the one who keeps the family together) like her grandmother.

That way, it would mean that Mirabel not getting a gift in the first place somehow “prepared” her for the role that she (involuntarily) was to assume later. In other words: If Mirabel’s future role had been pointed out sooner, she wouldn’t have been able to develop the “skills” necessary for it (if that makes sense). That way, it would explain why Casita acted that way (even if it made the situation worse for Mirabel). One of Jared Bush‘s statements in the interview seems to confirm this – he literally says “it‘s [i.e. saving the family] something only Mirabel can do“- only Mirabel can save the family – maybe not because she doesn‘t have a gift at all (being able to “see“ more than the others and helping her family to heal might be considered the most important gift of all), but because she grew up thinking that she didn‘t have one. Only because Casita made it so obvious that Mirabel didn‘t get a gift, she learned to develop the abilities to save the family in the end - like Bush says she “was expected to let people down in a way“. If everyone always expects bad things (or nothing at all) from you, you can hardly disappoint them – that could, in a weird way, be comforting and help someone to muster up the courage others lack – because: what does she have to lose? Bruno, on the other hand, is in a quite similar position, but (citing Bush again): “The only difference really is that Mirabel is a different type of character“: Whereas Bruno, who has quite a lot to loose, especially in terms of reputation, (and indeed looses it over the years), seemingly gives up at some point, Mirabel, never having been under any kind of pressure due to expectations, doesn‘t have anything to loose in the first place.

Although I really like Bruno as a character, I can‘t help seeing his behavior as especially problematic in that respect – due to him “leaving“ and not facing his problems, he actually makes the situation worse for Mirabel, who is now also being blamed for his absence. When she needs his help, he tries his best to support her – but in the end, she is left alone with the task of “saving the family (miracle)“ – at the age of fifteen! Needless to say that the other adults in the film are no real help either. I know it has already been pointed out – for example by @waitingonavision and I have also written about that topic before – that the young characters in “Encanto” have to deal with way too much in general, but I don‘t think that this point can be emphasized too much: Yes, all of the characters in “Encanto” are trapped in the circle of generational trauma and all of them are victims in their own way, but: in the end, it is a teenager (!) that has to solve the enormous amount of family problems and yes, mainly because the adult characters don‘t act mature enough (including Bruno, who rather hides away behind the walls). Then again, it’s not that simple, because the rest of the family (including the adults) is caught up in the trauma cycle, too.

I‘m honestly still not sure if I‘m personally completely satisfied with the way the film approached this topic, though. In my opinion Mirabel and her actions are “glorified“ too much – don‘t get me wrong, she certainly is an extremely strong and admirable character and what she did was definitely heroic, the point is: she‘s only fifteen – she shouldn‘t have to be brave or heroic! And in my opinion the film didn‘t carry that message across too well (once again, I don‘t know whether that was what the filmmakers actually wanted to show – Smith comments that “that moment of healing this passed down intergenerational trauma was something we were really interested in“ – so the film seems to have focused on the process of healing rather than the trauma itself).

I still can‘t help disliking Bush‘s comment that „the fact that she [i.e. Mirabel] could subvert that [i.e. her “negative“ role], to really be the one who comes to save the family […] is something we‘re really proud of“. I interpreted that (of course, I could be wrong) as “what Mirabel did is something to be proud of“ – and in my opinion it simply isn‘t – children and young people shouldn‘t have to deal with heavy things like that and it is no good to glorify or glamorize such topics. Improving family relationships, helping to heal and trying to end possible trauma cycles is actually what adults are and should be responsible for. Of course, children can and will have to take a part in this, too, it’s just important, imo, to clearly point out that they can never be the ones actually responsible for it (and neither should they feel as if they were) - especially not (like in the case of “Encanto”) because the adults of the family aren’t or don’t seem to be up to the challenge.

As usual, I’m very interested in what everyone else thinks about this!

#Encanto #Encanto theory #Disney theory #tw: mental health #tw: trauma #tw: unhealthy family relationships

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xslytherclawx-writes · 1 year

Note

for the fandom asks: B-R-I-D-G-E-T-O-W-N

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

I'm actually not sure! I mean I guess for Harry Potter, it'd be anything but Harry/Hermione lol bc I had TUNNEL VISION on that ship when i was like 11. Maybe Drarry? I guess? I think that's the only one I've gone from "dear god no" to "omg yes they ARE totally obsessed with each other in a gay way"

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

-gestures to my 14 neville longbottom/anthony goldstein fics- I wouldn't say no one else, but I would say it's probably my rarest pair. unless we consider neville berbrooke/gregory bridgerton (from, uh, bridgerton), in which case I may actually be the only person to write it.

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

Fullmetal Alchemist, because the shippers are batshit fucking insane and take really complex and interesting dynamics and water them down to the most asinine mundane bullshit and then claim it's progressive, and on the other side you have... people ignoring a really complex and interesting dynamic to focus on a ship that imo makes no actual sense. 2013 was A Time. If I were on twitter, the answer would be Bridgerton bc the homophobia from the book fans is insaaaaaaaane but I avoid mainstream Bridgerton fandom like the plague and find my own little niches where homophobes aren't welcome.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

I'm pretty open to most ships? There are some I'm just not invested in, but eh.

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Like, first-first? Ash and Misty from Pokémon. First fandomy? Harry/Hermione. And clearly I have not moved on from friends to lovers, looking at the body of my work on ao3

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

I have a secret ("secret") crackfic account that you're welcome to try to find.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

Regulus Black and Edmund Pevensie are gay. So is Charlie Weasley. This is my hill to die on.

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

listen, I just put my spotify on shuffle and it gave me "JENNIFER CHECK" by Mia Morgan and. Mirnatius Spinning Silver.

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

I'm assuming we mean actual kinks here? 1. maybe this is cheating but Regulus/Max. I don't care if he's an OC, this is what my heart says. I feel like they're pretty vanilla, though. 2. Gareth/Hyacinth from Bridgerton and pegging 100000% 3. Newt/Tina (autism4autism pure romance), and again: pegging. 4. Regulus/Evan and probably something a little fucked up like bloodplay 5. Mirnatius/Irina (Spinning Silver), and... idk actually. I feel like he'd get off on being tied up.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

"main" fandom is such a loaded term lol - I wish Bridgerton had more gay fic though, and was just overall less hostile to m/m and f/f that isn't gross fetishy (poorly understood & executed) kink shit that's poorly written besides (looking @ u, ash). like. soooo much actually good f/f and m/m fic gets SLEPT on but something that's out of a gross fetishy lesbian porno gets praise bc a well-known and shitty author wrote it? ugh.

#ask meme #feel free to ask me more tho #ask box

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plutominho · 2 years

Text

infinity and beyond || felix

✧ WRITTEN BY: galaxy

✧ GENRE: childhood friends to lovers, college au, slight angst if you squint, fluff

✧ PAIRING: felix x fem!reader

✧ SUMMARY: people assuming that you and felix are dating drives you crazy—more than it should, actually. but it’s a whole other level of frustration when it’s coming from an eight-year-old girl.

✧ WORD COUNT: ...8.3k

✧ NOTES/WARNINGS: use of language; structure might get confusing bc it bounces between time periods a few times; we had to change the ending 3/4 of the way in to the fic bc the original ending made no mf sense so fic quality probably bad

✧ TAGLIST: @svtbabiesrecs @svtbabies @felix-neverbad (message me if you want to be on the taglist!)

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

act i.

“jesus christ, felix, you always pick that movie!” you groaned, pinching the space between your brows with your thumb and index finger.

“it’s a classic!” felix giggled. “do you not like classics?”

“it’s not a classic if it came out in 2012!”

“we weren’t even born yet!” the two kids you were babysitting piped up.

you turned your head to the girl and boy that sat a few feet away from you. “mark, ashley, stay out of this.”

“you did this the last time you babysat!” mark pointed an accusing finger at you and felix.

“and i’ll do it again!” felix grinned and made finger guns, which only made you roll your eyes in further annoyance. “pow pow!”

you watched dumbfoundedly as felix tried to convince the kids to pick his movie choice. you know, the one that was also his choice last time… and the time before that…

…and the time before that.

“guys, you like wreck-it ralph, right?” felix said, shooting them a look that practically begged for them to say yes.

a beat of silence filled the air, and mark and ashley just gave each other a look.

mark gestured at ashley, slightly cocking his head as if to tell her to say something. she looked at him exasperated, and after another short exchange of gestures, she finally turned to felix with a shrug. “um… sure, i guess?”

well, that was close enough for felix.

“HA, YES!” the blonde cackled triumphantly, bending down to scoop ashley into his arms. she let out a yelp at the sudden move, and giggled as he spun her around a few times before putting her down.

she stumbled a little as her feet touched the floor, almost falling on her butt.

mark furrowed his eyebrows at your dear best friend, giving him a funny look.

felix just smiled at him cheesily. “don’t worry, mark, you’re still my favorite.”

your jaw dropped. “hey, i thought it was us against the world!” you cried in fake betrayal. “traitor.”

“it’s not what it looks like!” felix played along, gently pushing mark behind him.

“oh, i think i know exactly what this looks like.”

you snapped your head and huffed dramatically, not without giving felix a disdainful side glance.

“i’m sorry, lix, it’s not you, it’s me. and ashley.” you got off the couch, as if you were headed towards the front door. “come on, ashley.”

“but y/n, what about the pizza?!” ashley whined, the corners of her mouth tugging downward.

you didn’t even take a step before felix came running towards you, abandoning an increasingly grumpy mark. “wait no no no no no, y/n, don’t go!“

he stood in front of you, grabbing your hands to stop you from “leaving”.

you stared down at your hands for a second, unable to think of any witty response. it was like your brain suddenly short-circuited, as if you two hadn’t acted out dramatic fake breakups countless times before.

it had been a while since your last dramatic fake breakup, but this one shouldn’t have felt any different.

it was the kids’ cries of ‘hurry uppp’ that brought you back to earth. you blinked, regaining your composure before spitting out the first thing you could think of. “okay, give me one reason to stay.”

“my pizza!” ashley waved her arms, trying to get your attention, but her cries were ignored. “that’s your reason!”

“i’ll pay,” felix said to you, swinging your hands lightly.

you scoffed a little, “like you were gonna let me pay to begin with.”

the kids groaned again, bouncing impatiently on the balls of their feet.

“…i’ll give you my pizza crusts.”

“y/n, i’m so hungry i would eat all your pizza crusts!” mark said. “just please choose a movie!”

“okay okay fine,” you finally caved before grumbling, “i’ll go put on wreck-it ralph.”

felix kissed the back of your hand ever so casually, that you wouldn’t have thought twice about it if your mind wasn’t already spinning because of him. he let go of your hand, turning around and doing a little dance out of the room to order the pizza.

you kept your eyes on the kitchen door for a moment, and you turned to the kids the minute you were sure felix was too busy to come back out.

you turned on the tv and handed them the remote. “put on anything but wreck-it ralph, i’m not letting him win.”

the kids nodded eagerly and flopped onto the couch, clicking through the movie options before agreeing on toy story 4. they tossed the remote back to you before sprawling out on the carpet, their eyes glued to the screen as the iconic disney title sequence played.

meanwhile, you made yourself comfortable on the couch, opting to lie across it and prop your head on a pillow at one end.

the kids fell silent as the movie began playing, engrossed in the characters on-screen. for once, the only sound audible was the sound of the tv.

you relaxed a bit, closing your eyes to rest but not fully go to sleep. peace in a household with two eight-year-olds? who would’ve thought.

you were so relaxed you almost did fall asleep, but jolted upright when the door swung open and felix came back into the room.

“heyyyy, this isn’t wreck-it ralph!”

you turned around. his soft, brown eyes flicked from the screen to you, his lips curled in a small playful pout.

“how observant of you, really!” you rolled your eyes, leaning back to try and relax again.

but felix, ever the extrovert, just had to keep on talking to you.

“i thought we had a deal!”

“well, not anymore!”

he scoffed, and you could just picture the look of betrayal on his face, tugging the corners of your mouth into a small smile.

that happiness was short lived though, when all of a sudden, felix threw himself on top of you, making you groan at the sudden weight.

“but i wanted to watch wreck-it ralph…” he whined, burying his head in your shoulder as you flushed a light shade of pink.

“it’s not that serious, i let the kids pic—”

“can you guys, like, be quiet for once?”

your heads whipped up to look at the little girl, who was smiling passive-aggressively at the two of you. you and felix apologized quickly, before scolding each other in whisper-yells.

“besides, i thought you liked toy story!” you said.

“not this toy story!”

“oh whatever, get your heavy ass off of me!” you whispered back, pushing him off of you with both arms.

he landed on the floor with a thud, and he groaned in pain. “my ass… oh my god.”

“language!” mark scolded, and you giggled.

felix sat up, resting his back on the couch and lifting your knees to rest on his shoulders. you leaned forward, ruffling his hair before running your hands through the newly dyed locks.

you weren’t sure when this habit began of you absentmindedly playing with his hair, but it never grew old. not to you, at least. not that felix ever seemed to mind, as he always just leaned into your touch and snuggled up.

the room remained quiet for the next few minutes. the kids were engrossed in the movie, almost as if they were in a trance—you, on the other hand, not as much. but mark and ashley didn’t need to know that, and neither did felix, for that matter.

“she always freaked me out,” mark said, grimacing as he pointed at gabby. he looked at his friend for a moment. “i don’t know how you ever liked dolls when we were little, they’re scary.”

“dolls aren’t that scary!” ashley responded. ”when we watched this in the movies, i was scared of the wooden puppets more.”

felix gasped in excitement. “y’know, when the last toy story came out, y/n and i were, like, nine or ten, and we watched it in theaters together!”

the kids looked at you two, mouths hanging open, making you and felix laugh.

“so if you guys stay friends, maybe you’ll end up watching a fifth movie when you’re our age!” felix continued.

“eww… i don’t want to date him,” ashley commented, her face twisting in disgust.

you tilted your head, wrinkling your forehead as you stared at her. “what… does that have to do with you being friends?”

“well, aren’t you two dating?”

felix looked up at you, and you could feel your face turning pink. you stopped playing with his hair, and your hands sat limply between your legs.

he laughed awkwardly, and you could feel his voice vibrate through the back of your legs. “no, sweetie, we’re just friends.”

you nodded, and watched as the two kids looked at each other, then back at you.

“oh. okay.”

you pressed your lips together, wanting to say something else. there was no way you two could look like a couple, right?

of course, you could have just let it go, like anyone else your age would’ve, but your curiosity got the best of you. “what exactly made you think we were dating? that’s, um, really funny actually.”

“well, you were touching his hair.”

“friends can do that!” you said rather hastily.

mark raised his hand. “i don’t let ashley touch my hair.”

ashley gasped. “oh my gosh, yeah! you know, one time, he bit me. i tried touching his hair and he just—” she made a motion of biting her arm.

“I WAS SIX!”

“THAT’S ONLY TWO YEARS AGO!”

“see! it’s normal to touch your friend’s hair!” you said, fluffing up felix’s hair, resisting the urge to smile when you heard him chuckle at the gesture.

“not boy and girl friends!” ashley answered back. “and also, earlier he kissed your hand. then whenever we’re on the couch, you’re always cuddling. plus, you guys live together so you have to be dating.”

“that’s heteronormativity,” you muttered bluntly.

“y/n, she’s eight!” felix exclaimed in between sudden bursts of laughter.

“i don’t care!” you said, a laugh of your own escaping your lips.

“what’s heteronormativity?” ashley asked, mark echoing her question a split second after her.

felix tilted his head up to look at you, raising a snarky brow. “well…?”

you flicked the boy in the forehead before addressing the kids. “i-it’s nothing! don’t worry about it,” you said, awkwardly laughing off your comment.

the ring of the doorbell cut your thoughts short. you silently thanked whatever higher power was looking after you in that moment, and hurriedly stood up to get the door.

“i got it–”

you stopped in your tracks as felix spoke with you in unison, and you followed his movements with your eyes as he stood up.

your mouth hung slightly agape as you stared at each other. from what little hints the light from the tv screen gave you, felix had a look of panic across his features, a rare sight for someone as cheery and confident as him. but he covered this up as quickly as you caught it, and you surely would have missed it if you had glanced the other way.

hesitantly, you took a step toward the direction of the front door. “i-it’s fine, i’ll get it–” you said, your words spilling out one after another before the blonde cut you off.

“race ya!” he grinned maniacally, immediately making a run for the door, giggling as he jumped over the loveseat instead of going around it. “parkour!”

you groaned and flopped back on the couch. so much for a break from the… very awkward atmosphere.

at that point, you had lost count of how many times the kids exchanged an uneasy look with each other. they said nothing in response this time, their attention being pulled away by the movie instead.

“okay but seriously,” you nervously rambled on again, in an attempt to fill the relative silence in the room as felix came back with the pizza, “friends can do that, especially they’ve known each other for a long ti—”

“okay, okay, now shhh,” mark said, holding up a finger at you, and keeping his eyes on the tv. “pizza’s here.”

act ii.

you buckled in your seatbelt, sliding your newly earned babysitting money into your wallet before zipping it shut and putting it back in your purse in the center console. leaning back in your seat, you started the engine and began to back out of the driveway.

a deafening silence filled the car as you drove awkwardly for a few seconds.

“do you want aux?” you offered, your voice bouncing off of the windows of the car and feeling a bit too loud.

felix muttered a ‘yes’ before almost lunging towards the aux cord, hastily plugging it into his phone before selecting a playlist.

“🎶 we hug and yes, we make love, and always just say goodnight 🎶”

you smiled a bit to yourself when felix began to sing along. hearing his soft, delicate voice from the passenger seat, you relaxed a little, glad that there was something else for you to focus on rather than the atmosphere.

you spaced out as you drove, feeling at ease. at least, that’s what you tried to convince yourself. it was just another normal day of babysitting and you and felix were driving back home to your shared apartment; the way friends do.

soon enough, the opening chords of the next song rang from the stereo, which you immediately recognized as “lucky” by jason mraz and colbie caillat.

felix lit up once he knew what song it was, and sang along with jason’s verse.

“🎶 do you hear me? i’m talking to you~ 🎶”

you smiled at the sound of his voice again, sweet and calming enough to almost make you forget where the song would go.

he wiggled his eyebrows at you, making you chuckle and roll your eyes.

“🎶 across the water, across the deep blue ocean~ under the open sky, oh my, baby, i’m trying~ 🎶”

he gestured at you playfully, and you began to quietly sing colbie’s part. loud enough for felix to hear you, but not loud enough to be heard over the singer.

“🎶 boy, i hear you in my drea– 🎶”

“i can’t hear you!” felix said, cupping his hand around his ear and leaning towards you.

“i can’t sing!” you defended, braking at a stop sign.

“i don’t care! y/n, come onnnn.”

you glanced over at the blonde, who just looked at you expectantly, and you huffed before jumping back into the song in full volume.

“🎶 i keep you with me in my heart~ 🎶” you slowly pressed down on the gas pedal and looked back at the road in front of you. “🎶 you make it easier when life gets hard~ 🎶”

you paused to take a breath before the chorus hit, but you stopped yourself once you remembered what the next line was.

“🎶 lucky i’m in love with my best friend… 🎶”

you swore you felt all the blood drain from your face. you bit your lip, resisting the urge to just slam the brakes right in the middle of the road, and knuckles turned pale from gripping the steering wheel harshly.

felix frantically reached for his phone, trying to skip to the next song, but he ended up unplugging it from the aux cord entirely.

he looked at the aux cord, his eyes wide, and laughed awkwardly. “you know what…” he shifted in his seat, “maybe we don’t need music.”

you forced out a chuckle and kept your eyes glued to the road.

there came the deafening silence again. great, just what you needed… more awkwardness. you wished you could’ve just thrown yourself out the window right then and there.

too bad you were the one driving.

“so um,” felix said after a minute, clearing his throat. “about that movie…”

you nodded and hummed in response, not knowing what else to say. “yeah.”

he fell silent again, leaving you wondering if he was going to finish his thought. you glanced at him for a split second, feeling his gaze on you, before looking back at the road.

you kept driving in silence for what felt like forever, until he finally spoke.

“i never liked toy story 4.”

you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. in hindsight, you should’ve told the kids to choose a different movie. you’d firsthand witnessed felix’s rants about toy story 4, and they were not fun.

per felix’s persistent requests, the two of you had gone to see it in theaters opening weekend. you’d wanted to save the money and wait for it to come out on disney+, but the only way to make him shut up was to go see the movie.

of course, he regretted it. once you were in the car driving home, you were stuck listening to his longer-than-life rant about how ‘toy story 4 ruined all the toy story movies!’ and ‘they should’ve never made a fourth!’

you’d never hoped he wouldn’t crash the car more than you did that night. ever since then, you’d always been the designated driver whenever you carpooled.

“oh. okay.”

you finally approached your apartment neighborhood, and with a quiet sigh of relief you began to pull into the shoulder lane to turn.

you quickly found a parking spot in front of your apartment complex, and the two of you scrambled out of the car faster than little kids arriving at disneyland the second you shut off the engine. if you had to be stuck in that car any longer, maybe you actually would’ve thrown yourself out the window.

you followed him to your shared front door, and he fumbled with the key a little before turning it and holding the door open for you. you mumbled a ‘thank you’ and brushed past him.

neither of you so much as lifted your head to look at the other, a rare sight in your household. it felt unnatural for the small apartment you shared to be silent, especially with the two of you in the same room.

after a few minutes, you couldn’t take the quiet any longer and retreated to your room.

begrudgingly, you took out one of your textbooks from your backpack, not knowing what else to do. might as well get something done for classes since you had some time.

you were doing fine for the first few pages of your assigned reading. but after that, your mind began to drift.

ashley’s comment that afternoon wasn’t the first time you and felix had been asked if you were dating. not even close.

act iii.

the first time was when you were eight years old.

felix had just gone home after a playdate, leaving you to finish your dance party to radio songs all by yourself.

your mom had come into the room to bring you some snacks, and she decided to stick around for a few minutes as you showed off all the sick moves you and felix made up together.

after seeing the flimsy friendship card felix had hand-drawn for you, she said to you, and you quote:

“you and felix have gotten very close! do you think you could ever see him as your boyfriend?”

at the time, you couldn’t comprehend why she would think that. you remembered scrunching up your nose and giving her a weird look. “mom, we’re just friends!” you whined, and she left you alone after that.

your nosy relatives, whenever they came over for holidays, were a different story.

whenever your mom showed your relatives photos of you and felix, you had to brace yourself for the dreaded question from at least one of your aunties. every. single. time. as if the universe handcrafted your aunties to drive you crazy.

to your relief, they all seemed to give up asking when you were around thirteen.

but if you cut off one head, two more grow back.

it was the beginning of eighth grade, and seungmin, a mutual friend of yours and felix, had his first soccer game of the season. since it was a friday and your parents didn’t want to drive back and forth, you and the rest of your friend group just decided to stay at school until the game was over.

once school let out for the day, you ran out to the soccer field and found felix, jisung, and hyunjin at the bleachers.

you set your excessively heavy backpack down and took a seat next to jisung, a row above felix and hyunjin. seungmin had already started practice, so you wouldn’t have gotten to say hi to him until he got a break.

a few minutes in, hyunjin left to buy food from the convenience store a five-minute walk away from school; once he was out of sight, jisung went to bother jeongin at the bench.

hyunjin and jisung didn’t get along at this point in time; the fact that they were both friends with you and felix was the only reason they never squeezed the other’s head off. so grabbing food was probably hyunjin’s excuse to get away from the other boy. but as a thirteen-year-old boy himself, a part of him was probably hungry.

with hyunjin and jisung gone, and seungmin on the field, that left just you and felix on the bleachers.

“do you think hyunjin and jisung will ever get along?” you asked felix, watching jisung poke jeongin’s cheek repeatedly.

felix scoffed. “maybe when pigs start flying.”

you snickered in agreement, but turned your attention to finding seungmin, who was running drills back and forth on the field.

at some point, felix leaned back, resting his head in an uncomfortable position at the spot next to you.

“that’s disgusting, you know how many butts have sat here?” you commented, twisting your face at the thought of it.

“it’s nothing, when i get home i’ll wash my hair!”

you fake gagged, a smile on your face as you reached out to run your hands through his hair.

“if you’re gonna use your hair as a protection against germs, you should grow a mullet,” you said jokingly.

it was felix’s turn to look at you in disgust. “you’re sick in the head.”

you let out a laugh. “would you rather go bald?“

“honestly, yes.”

“dude, you’d look so ugly. don’t go bald!” another voice chimed in from the stairs.

you looked to see hyunjin coming up the stairs, snacks and drinks in hand.

his eyes bounced between the two of you, and a corner of his mouth curled up into a smirk. “damn, i leave for twenty minutes and y/n and felix get together!”

you pulled your hand away from felix’s hair in a flash, awkwardly resting it in your lap. felix sat up, slightly moving away from you in the process.

“hyunjin, no!” you exclaimed, feeling your cheeks heat up, “we’re just friends!”

“yeah!” felix agreed, sitting up. “plus, she has cooties!”

“cooties?!” hyunjin snickered, bringing a fist up to his mouth. “what are you, five?”

the freckled boy rolled his eyes, unable to think of a good comeback. “whatever… do you know when the actual game starts?”

as he changed the subject, you drowned out their conversation in a daze.

the thought of dating felix made you want to throw up. he was your spitball buddy—not your boyfriend—for a reason! and hyunjin knew this! so why him out of all people?! what an idiot.

plus, all you did was play with felix’s hair. it’s an innocent, platonic thing to do! it’s not like he had his head on your lap or anything, not that you wanted his ass-infested head touching you like that.

and if he had a mullet?? still no.

act iv.

you hadn’t realized you’d sat back from your homework and let your mind wander until your stomach growled, bringing your attention back to your surroundings.

one tap on your phone revealed that it had been about two hours since your attempt to get some homework done. you didn’t remember around what time you started to zone out, but the fact that you were only four pages into a thirty-page chapter was not a good sign.

sighing, you closed the book and slid it back in your backpack. you made your way to the kitchen to grab some water, and just get out of your cramped room for a while.

hearing the sound of water hitting the bottom of your cup, felix stepped away from the couch and found you in the kitchen. he took a seat on a cheap wooden stool, propping his elbows on the bar ledge and looked at you through the pass-through window. “hey.”

you gave him a tight smile. “hey.”

he drummed his fingers and pressed his lips together. “i just started toy story 2… so um, if you want to join…”

you took a gulp of water, using that time to think, before you nodded. you still felt a bit awkward around felix, but it was either this or back to reading… and honestly, your textbook could wait another day.

you shuffled out of the kitchen, following him to the couch, plopping down at one corner, and felix at the opposite end.

for the first time that day, you actually focused on something for more than half an hour.

you were able to concentrate on watching the majority of toy story 2, until you heard felix laughing at a scene from his spot on the couch. you tore your eyes off the tv and looked at him, admiring him from the side as his eyes stayed fixed in the tv.

your eyes rushed all over his face, trying to take in every detail before he noticed you were staring at him.

you looked at his hair, the roots freshly re-dyed blonde. at this point, the blonde mullet was a signature of his. smiling to yourself as you remembered your conversation from eighth grade, you felt so… stupid. smiling to yourself over the boy in front of you, who had no idea how infatuated you were with him.

felix turned to you, letting out a nervous giggle. “wh-what? what’s so funny?”

you shook your head. “oh nothing, it’s just…” you trailed off.

“just what?”

“no, just… remember that one conversation we had in eighth grade about you getting a mullet?”

he nodded. “yeah, why?”

“oh, it’s ’cause i just realized,” you pointed at his blonde locks, and he unconsciously reached a hand to play with the hairs at the back of his neck, “you said you’d rather go bald than grow a mullet.”

the boy just chuckled and rolled his eyes. “oh… i mean, i was, what, thirteen?” he spoke softly, and smiled at you. “things change, y/n.”

and maybe things do.

act v.

felix quickly scanned the plate of treats he had picked out. a slice of pizza and a brownie for him, and some cookies for you. girls like that when they’re upset, right?

he shrugged, wiping his hand on his suit pants, and just kept the cookies. they were your favorite kind and they always made you happy, so maybe it would cheer you up. worst case scenario: he would eat them himself.

loud, crappy music pounded against the boy’s eardrums as he pushed his way through the mob of sweaty teenagers. to think he was actually one of them just a few minutes ago, carelessly dancing his ass off while you were in the hallway alone, and he had no idea.

he finally broke free from the densest part of the crowd, and picked up his pace to reach the exit faster. he tightened his grip on the paper plate, dodging the last bit of couples passionately swapping spit in front of him.

he didn’t even notice his date calling his name, because all he could think about was getting back to you. you came first before any date, you always did. besides, it was his fault that that date tonight wasn’t you, and he wanted nothing but to kick himself for it.

he pushed the heavy door open with his shoulder, and turned the corner to where you were slumped against the wall in the hallway.

your eyes flicked up to him, your head motionless as it laid against the wall. he sat next to you, groaning a little when he hit the tile floors a bit too hard.

“sorry i took so long,” he said, holding the plate out to you. “cookie?”

you gave him a tight smile that didn’t reach your eyes as you took a cookie, and he immediately felt his heart drop.

but he didn’t press any further, and you both sat in silence in the empty hallway.

he couldn’t believe he let this happen.

he thought back to all the jokes constantly thrown at the two of you since eighth grade. the comments about how cute you two looked together. the suggestive looks hyunjin and jisung shot your way when you two sat next to each other. the wolf whistles from literal strangers when you two so much as bumped shoulders.

thankfully, none of that ever drove you two apart. in fact, you two were able to joke and play along with it.

but lately, it drove him up the wall.

long before prom, the comments began to really get to felix, but he couldn’t explain why at the time. all he knew was that, gradually, playing along with everyone saying you two were dating felt… wrong. he knew it was all jokes (…right?), but you two weren’t dating. suddenly he was aware that maybe you weren’t comfortable with the constant teasing, and maybe you wanted to date someone else. he wanted to see you happy, whether it was with him or not.

so whenever someone made a comment about you and him from then on, the boy immediately shut it down. any follow-ups about how he was blushing bright red at the comments were shut down just as fast.

after a month or so, the teasing stopped entirely, save for a cheeky comment from jisung here and there.

then felix thought back to lunch three weeks before prom. he wanted to go back in time to beat himself up, remembering the exact words he told you:

“i was thinking about it, and since the comments about us… you know… have died down, i figured we should try to keep it that way, to make it easier on us. so what if we just… got separate dates for prom? that way, people won’t go crazy over us again.”

he couldn’t read your expression when he proposed the idea, but regardless of what you may have thought, you agreed and found yourself a date a week later.

but look how that turned out… you got left in the dark by some low-life chump. the thought of it alone made felix’s knuckles white as he tightened his fist in anger.

and it was his fault it happened.

all felix wanted was to have the least awkward prom possible. but he’d take all the suggestive remarks in the world if it meant you didn’t get hurt in the end.

fortunately, this was junior prom, so he saw a chance to make things right.

senior prom.

“next year, i’m gonna take you to prom.”

you looked at him confused. “why the sudden change of heart?”

“well…” he sighed. “if i had just taken you myself this year, you wouldn’t be sitting here feeling like shit. so next year is gonna be better, because i’m taking you!”

“lix, it’s not your fault he’s a weirdo for asking someone out and then ditching them…” you said.

“i know, i know, but i’m gonna bring you anyway! and that’s a promise, okay?”

felix held out his pinky and you laughed halfheartedly, a small smile on your face as you locked your pinky with his.

act vi.

thankfully, senior prom was so much better.

your date didn’t leave you this time, probably because your date was no other than your best friend and favorite human in the world.

he was right about letting you have a better time than your junior prom, this one you’d never forget.

the only low you felt was when you watched felix dancing with another girl.

but the tradition of prom king and queen dancing together had to be kept; tradition is tradition.

you stood on the side watching as the two of them spun around each other to the beat of the music. whenever felix faced your direction, he’d make eye contact with you, reassuring you that he didn’t forget about you.

you took note of the gap he’d placed between himself and the voted prom queen. you knew that the two of them were good friends. she was on the cheer team, he was on the men’s basketball team, and they were in theater together throughout high school, so they were always around each other.

somewhere deep down, you were aware that the twitch in your eye was but an overreaction. they were just friends; felix told you himself, for crying out loud.

it was no wonder they were holding each other at arm's length, without the awkwardness of a middle school valentine’s dance.

but even that didn’t stop that stabbing feeling in your heart. you hated that feeling, and with a passion. you hated even more how often you had been feeling it lately, and it only skyrocketed out of control once prom season rolled around.

you’d never been the jealous type, but seeing felix have people all over him flipped a switch in you. he’d been asked by at least three girls to prom just this year. all of them right in front of you.

the only thing that reassured you was watching felix turn them down. there was never a hesitant look on his face. a simple, composed “i’m flattered, but i already have a date.” along with a glance at you was enough for you to relax.

the dance soon came to an end, and the two newly-crowned school royalties bowed at each other as the crowd whooped and cheered for them, and they both made their exit.

“this one’s for the rest of you lovers— or soon-to-be lovers!” the dj announced, playing another slow song that you barely recognized.

pairs of dates slowly filed in from the crowd, taking up the space on the dance floor once reserved for the prom king and queen.

you headed back to the snacks platter, until you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder.

you turned around, and there was the prom king himself, a soft smile on his face as he took your hand and pulled you back to the dance floor.

you stared at your joint hands in shock, and felt your ears heat up as you followed him. “lix, what are you–” you managed to utter as he stopped at an open spot.

“they’re not gonna play another slow song any other time, and you deserve your dance,” he said, stepping closer to you.

you did the same, and looked at your hands again, then the direction of the food platter. wouldn’t he rather be there, indulging himself in as many slices of pizza or brownies as he wanted?

besides, this dance was for lovers, and people who actually liked each other in that way. not for people who were just friends. like you two.

you knew if you stayed out there you’d probably freeze. the pressure of being out there with couples and soon-to-be couples with felix made your heart leap into your throat.

you bit your lip lightly, thinking of a way to spare the awkwardness for him, or at least postpone it. “they’ll play one at the end–”

“i’m not waiting that long.” he held out his other hand and looked into your eyes. “may i?”

you nodded, feeling your mind spin uncontrollably as he pulled you closer, placing his hands on your waist.

you rested your hands on his shoulders, the two of you swaying back and forth towards the center of the floor.

you felt tense under the close contact, and tried to think of something to say as you looked anywhere but him.

“…nice crown.”

what the fuck?

he laughed softly, and you relaxed a bit. “it’s a burger king crown with gold spray paint on it.”

you smiled and looked back up at him. “i know, i know, but still! prom king… that’s so sick.”

“if you think it’s so cool, you can have it!”

he removed his hand from your waist, taking the crown off his head and messily putting in on your head. you felt it slip and reached up to catch it, rolling your eyes as felix just laughed at you.

“it suits you, to be honest.”

your face flushed at the compliment. “well, i think it would look better on the actual prom king of the night.”

you placed the crown back on his head, smiling as you saw the ear-to-ear grin he had on his face. “what happened to the boy who didn’t want people to think we’re dating?”

he shrugged, simply dismissing the question. “who gives a shit what others think? long as you’re happy, i’m happy.”

it’s crazy how someone’s words can change a person’s life.

that one sentence made your stomach do backflips and sent you on an emotional roller coaster. it was as if someone had hit a switch inside of you, and everything came crashing down.

the way you felt around felix changed ever so slightly from that moment on. you always wished you’d never realized you liked him.

quotes and sayings from anonymous people were never your cup of tea, but ‘oblivion is bliss’ is one that you enjoyed.

oh, how less stressed you were before senior prom; before realizing you liked your best friend as something much more.

act vii.

“boo!”

you jumped a little, the sensation of felix clapping inches away from your face pulling you out of your train of thought.

felix laughed at you as you blinked at him, perplexed at what just happened. “you were staring again.”

“what?”

“the movie’s that way. doesn’t your neck get tired of turning to look at me?”

you scoffed. “i wasn’t staring, i was spaced out.”

he hummed in response, clearly not believing a word you said as he did his best to suppress a smile.

“you’re such a narcissist.” you mumbled, rolling your eyes and not bothering to defend yourself.

you tried to look back at the tv, but your attention was pulled away by felix lunging at you and pushing you against the backrest.

“just can’t get enough of me, right?” he commented as you tried wrestling him off of the couch, twisting and turning to no avail.

“you heavy ass! get off of me—”

felix laughed as he leaned up off of you, but proceeded to rest his head in your lap and extend his body to the other end of the small couch, his feet dangling over the end. you turned your body to lift your legs onto the couch, forcing them under felix.

“your knees are so… pointy.”

“damn, my bad i guess,” you mumbled before shifting your legs so your knees wouldn’t hurt him.

the two of you fell into a comfortable silence, necks craned to watch the movie again. you ran your hand through felix’s hair, as if instinct, and felix just leaned into your touch and sighed in content.

your cheeks heated up as you remembered that this, you mindlessly playing with felix’s hair, was the action that started it all; the ruthless teasing from hyunjin that spread like a wildfire to all of your friends.

you pulled your hand away, suddenly feeling awkward again.

after a few seconds, felix looked up at you and pouted his lips. “why’d you stop?”

“nothing, sorry, it’s fine. just watch the movie.”

he let out a heavy sigh, lifting his torso off of your legs. he turned his body and lifted your legs to drape across his lap.

“what are you thinking about?” he questioned, eyes now fixated on the tv again. “if it’s about what the kids said earlier, just let it go!”

you stayed silent, wanting to neither confirm or deny. either way, he’d see right through you.

and how right you were.

“y’know y/n, if you’re going to let the words of eight year olds affect you this much… i’ve got some news for you.” he chuckled softly, and your heart thumped two times faster than it had before.

“i’m not affected by it, it’s just…” you hesitated. in all your years together, you’d never properly sat down and talked about this with each other. “if an eight year old said that we seem like, y’know, then…”

you trailed off again, not really knowing what to do or say. you surely felt felix’s gaze on you, glancing at you every few seconds.

“well, eight year olds aren’t exactly the brightest people, y’know.”

“okay, true, but it’s been happening since we were eight, right?”

“that was heteronormativity! you said it yourself earlier, to a goddamn eight year old, mind you.”

“if it was heteronormativity then, then what is it now?” you asked, exasperated.

he scoffed ever so slightly; you would’ve missed it if you hadn’t been paying attention. “i don’t know, don’t you have some other big word for that, huh?”

“do i look like a fucking dictionary to you?”

“no, it was literally never that serious…” he mumbled.

“then why the hell are you getting so defensive?! i was just saying it’s embarrassing that even an eight year old can pick up on the fact that you always make it seem like we’re dating!”

he looked at you, mouth hanging slightly open in offense. “oh, so i make it seem like we’re dating?”

“yeah! you literally start all of the shit we do in public that’s made people think that!”

“how are you so observant yet so dense at the same time?”

he chuckled softly, and you just looked at him in disbelief before scoffing and facing the tv again.

it was stupid to fight over this anyway; the argument would never end without felix knowing why you were so flustered over something a literal child said.

but at the same time, he kept putting you into situations that just invited the dating comments to be made.

he even got a little riled up about it, which was unlike him. you rarely saw felix get so upset over something. he was being so defensive right now, and for what?

“wait, felix, what the fuck?”

“what did i do now, huh?” he rolled his eyes, turning his head to look at you.

“have you been doing this on purpose?”

“doing… what?”

it was your turn to roll your eyes now. you knew he was playing dumb, but decided to just go with it.

“making it seem like we’re a couple?”

your stomach did a flip; did you really want to be doing this? this could go sour extremely quickly if you went about it the wrong way.

“what do you want me to say?” he asked quietly, looking at you.

“the truth, preferably…” you laughed awkwardly, eyes fixated ahead of you as you held your breath.

“well then, yeah.”

you swore you felt your brain glitch for a second, and your mouth hung open as you sat back and tried to process what he just said.

you couldn’t even think of a proper response. what were you supposed to say? ‘oh. okay’?

felix let out a short sigh at your stunned composure. “okay, you wanted the truth, why are you so surprised?”

you blinked a few times. don’t be mistaken, you were over the moon; however… “it’s just so different from what you were saying throughout high school.”

he scrunched his eyebrows, his eyes bouncing everywhere but you. “what… what are you…”

you huffed; it was painfully obvious he knew exactly what you were talking about.

“oh don’t tell me you don’t remember junior year. ‘hey y/n, what if we sat two desks apart in class for a while so people would stop staring at us’? ‘hey y/n, maybe let’s not do the partner project together so we’re not getting weird looks from the boys behind us again’? ‘hey y/n, what if we got separate dates to prom so people will leave us alone?’”

you paused for a second, not taking your eyes off of him. “how do you think i felt when my best friend of god-knows-how-long suddenly distanced himself from me?”

he looked down at his lap, not saying a word.

you took a deep breath, giving yourself a second to calm down before you continued. “and then senior year you just… suddenly stopped caring what other people thought? is that why you…”

you trailed off, carefully gauging felix’s reaction as he sat there in silence.

he sighed after a minute, and looked back up at you. “if i knew you felt that way, i never…”

he trailed off, his eyes on his lap, and you looked at him half-expectantly. what were you expecting? you didn’t even know.

“wait, so…” he said and looked back at you, a newfound glint of hope in his eyes.

you nodded, and let him continue.

“if you care so much about junior year and about what the kids said,” he spoke slowly, “that means…”

you chuckled at the boy, and attempted to hide your smile. “it means whatever you want it to mean.”

“y/n please. come on. i’m BEGGING.”

you let out a cackle. “i’m kidding!” you glanced at felix, looking at you intently, trying to read your face. “but um… yeah.”

felix nodded quickly, and you noticed the corners of his mouth twitch up ever-so-slightly, even with the limited lighting. “okay. cool.”

you looked down at your lap, biting the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from smiling. “yeah. cool.”

yeah, y/n. be cool.

you picked at the skin around your nail, unsure what to do now. if you liked him, he implied he liked you, and two plus two equals four…

“who the hell am i kidding? come here—”

he pulled you into a big bear hug, shifting around you so that you’d be lying next to each other on the small couch.

“so… can i call you my girlfriend now?”

he looked at you, gauging your reaction as you adjusted yourself, resting your head on his chest and draping half of your body over his so there would be room for the two of you.

you thought about it for a second giddily. this all felt like a fever dream, or something from the movies.

you dragged out an “um…” for an unnecessarily long time, deciding to mess with him for a while.

“y/n, PLEASE.” he whined, done with all of your antics.

you reached for his hand and kissed the back of his fingers as you muttered apologies through giggles.

the two of you fell silent as you watched the movie for a few minutes, which you had almost forgotten was still playing.

“so… y/n?”

you looked up at him, humming in response.

“be the barbie to my ken?”

you faked a gagging noise, but then looked back at the tv and saw barbie tackling ken and interrogating him. what fortunate timing, actually.

“you know what? sure!” you said over-enthusiastically.

he looked at you, his jaw dropped in betrayal. “y/n, what the fuck?!”

you attempted to stifle a laugh, but to no avail once felix started attempting to throw you off the couch.

you were able to gain some ground, and plopped down on the boy’s legs before he could push you off, clinging to his arms for dear life.

“get your heavy ass off of me!” he groaned, and he freed his arms from your grasp and began to tickle your sides.

you cried out in between bursts of laughter, trying to push his hands back as you wiggled away from his reach, and you landed on the floor with a thud.

felix sat up, peering over you as he pointed and giggled.

“first of all! that was unfair, YOU had the advantage there.” you huffed, still catching your breath from laughing.

“i guess you could say…”

“lix, no—”

“YOU FELL FOR ME!”

he let out the loudest, fakest laugh you’d ever heard in your life, and you groaned.

“i think we should break up.”

“Y/N NO.”

you laughed, before feigning heartbreak. “i’m sorry, it’s not me, it’s you…”

felix gasped dramatically, playing along. “y/n, no! i need you! it’s you! it’s always been you!”

faking a gag again, you stood up. “that’s so disgusting—” you groaned, poking his side repeatedly, making him laugh and twitch away from you.

he grabbed your hands and pulled you down, making you fall on top of him. he wrapped his arms around you gently, letting you move slightly to become more comfortable.

you sighed in content, your head on his chest as he ran his hands through your hair. “you’re such a wet cheeseball.”

he rolled his eyes. “and you let an eight-year-old get to your head.”

“okay, fair. but let’s not tell people about that last part.”

felix looked down at you, giving you a cheeky grin. “yes, barbie.”

“…i hate you.”

“i love you too.”

sure, your best friend was a pain in the ass sometimes, but you didn’t mind infinity and beyond with him.

in fact, you couldn’t picture anything else.

#stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids fanfic #skz imagines #skz fanfic #lee felix #felix #felix x reader #felix fluff #felix angst #felix fic #felix fanfic #felix imagines #felix x y/n #you can tell this is galaxy's just by the word count <3

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totiredtowrite · 3 years

Text

Bully

Warnings - cursing, himbo reader (and that means muscles so if you don't got those jus pretend), sorta mean sakusa, extremely self indulgent so reader is shorter, kind of risque sometimes but it's sfw (like everything on my page)

Note: I did it bc mean sakusa and I am down bad for bullies

Cough bakugou cough

Male Reader - Fem Readers DNI like at all, I'll block you. It's not that hard to understand.

It doesn't take much to get on Sakusa's bad side.

Be annoying, be gross, be handsy, and he's already got you in his bad books.

You though. You, apparently, decided to take it the long way. Of course he noticed. It would be hard not to, if you've got a wide eyed, muscular, puppy of a boy following you around. In class, you had your eyes on him. At practice matches and games? There too, in the front row. You always peered at him, watching what he did, wide eyed and innocent.

He's no psychological genius, but he can just tell. He can tell that you want him to look back, that you want him to notice your very obvious pining. He doesn't know why he found it so agitating. Maybe he just didn't like how blatantly you looked at him, if that made sense at all. You, being so airheaded, only seemed to chase after your goals like a dog. Biceps the size of his head, yet not a coherent thought in yours. Maybe you were more complex than that. Still, Sakusa had no mind to find out.

It's like he could see it, the non existent tail wagging behind you.

So, he started small. Why not give you the attention, right? He tried to be nice at first. He really did, but it was just so easy. You'd get ecstatic whenever he even asked you a question about school. (Which is the nicest thing he'd done). He came to find out that any insults he threw your way went right over your head. Why not take advantage of that fact?

"You know Omi, you can't pick on him forever." Komori sighed. You've been admiring him from the second year, Komori knew that. Apparently though, only in their third year did Sakusa notice.

Sakusa scoffed. "I don't pick on him."

"Yeah, you kind of do." Motoya shrugged, throwing the can that was in his hand in the trash. "Why're you so mean to him anyways? S'not like he's doing anything to you."

Sakusa momentarily paused. He wouldn't admit how he doesn't know just why he hates you. He was certain, every time he saw you, that he wanted to be so mean. Push you around, make you look at him with nervousness and shock through teary eyes. So certain, but then he saw you smile or bounce on your heels excitedly, and he'd feel like taking you somewhere far away where you didn't need to be tainted by the world.

Yeah, none of that was very characteristic of him.

So, of course, he just settled with a simple "I dunno."

Knowing not to push it any further, Komori didn't say anything else.

Their walk was short and brisk. They were only headed to the library, needing to pick something up, so the trip shouldn't be too long. Sakusa didn't need anything really, he just wanted to go along. Another uncharacteristic thing for him, but it's not like he had anything better to do.

School let an hour ago and practice was cancelled. He wasn't just going to sit around. (Motoya forbade him from practicing on his own. Some "take a break sometime" or "don't overwork" bullshit). Doesn't mean he won't go out though.

Approaching the glass doors of the library, Motoya tilted his head slightly. "I only need a couple psych books." He explained, absentmindedly opening the door and walking in. Sakusa nodded, following him in. He didn't go to the public library much, settling on what the school had if he needed anything. Still, he found the place rather comforting.

"Go find a table. I'll meet you in ten minutes maybe? Fifteen?" Komori's voice dropped in volume a bit.

"Sure." Sakusa said.

His cousin have him a grateful look, turning and walking off, presumably to one of the upper floors where the school related books were.

Sakusa sighed through his mask, turning on his heel to go find a table. They were in the west part of the library, surrounded by some bookshelves. Finding a somewhat secluded one, he dropped his bag down on the table and slid into a chair. With another sigh, he turned his attention elsewhere.

From where he was he could see two more tables that were farther away from his, as well as more bookshelves.

He let his gaze wander and glaze over in thought. Why was he so mean to you? After all, the only things you've ever done was watch him with stars in your eyes. He knew a multitude of people who would gladly have an admirer like that. Well, maybe not Ushijima, (who was out in college by now), but at least he wouldn't pick on them.

And speak of the devil.

His sight caught on you at one of the two tables in his vision. Along with...one other guy. He furrowed his brows. Has he seen you with him before? Maybe. What were you doing together? We're you...no, there's no way you were even into guys. Well, not that he would know. You were smiling at him. More turmoil brewed in the pit of his stomach.

Your friend, (he hoped it was your friend), patted your head, saying something he couldn't hear. It's like Sakusa could see the folded puppy ears on your head. His air was getting progressively darker and more threatening. Why was he even getting jealous? Some childish notion, maybe. He didn't like that you were giving such adoring attention to someone else.

Your friend, who had taken his bag, was well out of sight by now. Kiyoomi could only assume that he left. You turned away from the door, scribbling a few things down in a notebook. Sakusa's seen that notebook. You used it in class.

He tapped his foot, a hand coming up to his chin. He looked annoyed, if anything. You didn't even seem to notice him there, which further irked him.

Sakusa turned on his phone to check the time. It's only been five minutes. He wasn't sure how much longer he could sit here for. How is it that you only caught his attention when you weren't vying for it? At this point, Kiyoomi was so used to you hovering around him, practically begging for his attention, that when you weren't it was...different. Different and not even remotely okay.

That combined with how you were relishing in the company of some 'friend' earlier, and he was livid. He felt the need to prove that you only wanted his attention, that you only needed his attention. He knew he wasn't acting , or thinking, like himself. He acknowledged it, and he ignored it. Hell, you didn't even know he was there! There was no reason for him to react so intensely.

He checked the time again. Three more minutes have passed.

He shoved the chair out, (rather harshly), to stand up. Upon hearing the noise, you turned your head up to see him approaching you.

"Sakusa-san!" You squeaked.

"(L/n)." He said back. His voice was low, threatening. You nervously watched him slam his hands down in the table in front of you, black eyes focused on your face.

"What do you-uh, want?" You smiled at him, practically buzzing in excitement in your chair. The library chairs were a little tight, your thighs pressed flush together. Sakusa let his eyes wander, eventually landing your face once more. You, noticing his gaze, laughed slightly. "The chairs are a bit of a tight fit, huh?"

"(L/n)." He says again, leaning in further. "Who were you just with?" Why was he asking that? He didn't care. He just wanted to know. Morbid curiosity. You shuffled in your chair again. He moved around the table, a slow, stalking act. You sat rigid in your chair.

"You know him right?" You turned, standing up. You rested your hands against the table, rocking back against it in a nervous, jittery motion.

"No," He said. His hand was on the back of your chair, the only thing separating you. "Mind explaining?" He moved the chair harshly. You pressed back into the table further.

"Just-He's a good friend!" You looked up at him, grip on the table tightening when he moved in closer. In truth, he wasn't sure why he was doing any of this. It was like something possessed him, blowing his minor jealousy out of proportion. He wanted to prove that you only gave him those adoring looks, he wanted to have his hands on you.

Your breath hitched in the base of your throat. He placed his hands by your sides, leaning in a bit closer. "Sakusa-san?" You laughed habitually to take the edge off, wide eyes sparkling up at him. This time, his breath caught in his throat. You looked so...innocent. So open.

You didn't know what to think. You knew you weren't all that emotionally intelligent. Even still, you could tell that something was up. On any normal day, he'd just comment on your lack of sense or bump into you a little too hard. Really, usually he just ignored you.

"A good friend," he echoed. You nodded, watching with uncertainty when his right hand lifted to your head. The butterflies in your stomach felt like a warning, a 'DANGER' written in blaring red lights. It was hard not to melt, though, when he gingerly pet your hair. It was where your friend had his hand.

You leaned into his touch. It almost burnt, but in a good way. A way that made you want to walk right into the fire and stay there. He narrowed his eyes. What was he doing? His grip turned harsh, clutching your hair in his hand.

You let out a startled whimper. He pulled your head back slightly, making you look him in his eyes. His free hand pulled his mask down. "Why do you look so shocked," he whispered. It didn't sound meek by any means, it felt loud enough to you. "You wanted my time right? My attention?"

You nodded best you could, excitement buzzing through you again. He let go of your hair, hand moving down to the base of your neck. Surprisingly, he didn't feel disgusted. If anything, touching you, it felt...oddly good. It's like he could keep his hands on you forever.

His gaze drifted down to your lips. Pretty, soft looking, quivering. Sakusa's hands were big. not big and muscular, no, more lithe. Long. His thumb brushed over your bottom lip, other fingers still on the back of your neck. "So pretty," he murmured. "Such a pretty boy." He didn't think to sing the praise. It just slipped out. Not like he was going to make a move to take it back though, not when it's escalated this far.

His hand was warm. Surprising, as it seems like he's the kind of guy to have deathly cold hands. You rubbed your muscular thighs together at his words. Noticing the movement, he let out a shaky breath. You felt it on your lips. His breath, unsurprisingly, was minty. Cold.

You whimpered again, leaning in. You could see every little detail of his face. The moles above his thick eyebrows, the small cracks on his lips. So close. One gust of wind and your lips would connect. His eyes lidded, reciprocating your movement and-

"Am I..uh, interrupting something?"

Sakusa practically jumped off of you. "No! No, you're not." He quickly regained his cool. Motoya nodded, brows raised in suspicion.

"Well I've got what I need. Ready to go?" He said.

Sakusa nearly bolted back to where he had set his things, pulling his mask back up onto his nose. "Yeah. Fine." He pulled his bag on his shoulder. Motoya waved to you. You knew that he saw some of it, at most. He turned to walk away, Sakusa following in suit behind him.

Before he left your line of vision, he shot one last glance your way. You weren't sure how to read it, though you could at least see the lingering desire in his iris.

With that, he left your sight, leaving you disheveled and confused against the table.

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