#its the expectation that i have to give you mine but Only because you view me as trans (derogatory)

[jinuaei]

Cleaning up

Yandere! Husband! Alastor x Fallen Angel! Accidental Spouse! Reader

Part 1 --- Additional art

Maybe it was a bad idea to be married to this man. You thought as you saw other demons run away and cower from him, you would have also ran with them if only the person that everyone is so terrified of wasn't holding your arm hostage. 

It would have been embarrassing getting dragged around by this tall deer if it wasn't the fact that you're also pissing yourself sacred. But the good thing is he actually believes that you are his ‘spouse’, so you don't think you'll be hurt…much. Besides, he’s such a gentleman that he gave you his coat to cover up your wings so that it wouldn't be exposed to any more harm.

After a while of trying not to trip, actually stumbling, and Alastor dragging you up again and again, you manage to notice the change of scenery, from tall depressing buildings to smaller, more quaint establishments. The demons that also frequent the streets changed from shark demons, to red imps, and finally to black eyed demons with sharp teeth. 

Well, at least they look friendly.

“This place here is the cannibal town! We’ll be visiting a good friend of mine, I’m sure she’ll be able to clean you up in no time!” your ‘husband’ exclaimed. 

I reclaim that statement.

The town is charming, and rather calming in contrast to that chaotic, overstimulating city you crashed landed in. Despite being in hell, there were flowers growing here, clearly being taken care of wonderfully by the citizens of this town. Vintage cars roam around the road and you see children playing in the parks you've passed through. It’s almost identical to what you see in heaven, but more demonic and nobody uses cars because well, everybody has wings. When you are reminded about the wings, yours twitches in response, rubbing against the deer’s coat. Because of that, feathers, still stained with blood, fall off. Alastor’s shadow tendril grabs it midair and pockets it into his trousers.

Finally, the radio demon abruptly stops, giving you enough time to stabilize yourself properly. With a wave of his hand he shows off to you a building named ‘Franklin and Rosie Emporium’, and you notice on the side there is a huge line of people waiting to enter. Whatever they sell here must be quite popular. Now that you think about it, it might be related to the ‘cannibalism’ part of the town.

Alastor must be important here because people moved away from him as he waltzed through the entrance and into the door. As soon as you both step in, an exclamation of his name catches both of you and your ‘husbands’ attention.

“Oh Alastor! It's always a delight when you come to visit the Emporium, how have you been? And oh! Who is this adorable birdie? Though they look absolutely filthy,” the demon steps into the view, a sweet looking lady with a polite smile who gingerly holds your hands.

“Rosie, meet mon cher, sent by the heavens to become my beloved spouse,” the radio demon lifts up your chin with his fingers, moving your head side to side as if to show you off to Rosie, “Also, would you be a dear and help them clean up? I expect my spouse to be absolutely pristine considering they're married to the greatest radio host of all time!”

“Well, I’ll be delighted to play dress-up with the sweet thing, maybe you can run to the tailors real quick and find them new clothes too.” 

Agreeing to that, Alastor waves you goodbye and leaves, Rosie then ushers you to follow her while shouting at Franklin to man the store while she's out. You both emerge to a room above the shop, Rosie leading you to a spare bedroom with an en suite bathroom. It's quite homey, with mostly red as its main colour, other than that, nothing stands out to you.

“You can stay here for the time being as you wait for your husband, bathrooms over there, and there should be bandages and such under the sink. I will be down below to help Franklin with the customers, just find me if you need help!” Rosie closes the door to the room and leaves you to your lonesome. It's time to clean up, you think.

Stepping into the normal looking bathroom, a bathtub greeted you, thankfully it's big enough to fit you and your broken wings. You absentmindedly fill up the tub as you think back to before you fell, trying to determine what happened to cause you to fall from heaven's graces. Nothing comes to mind and eventually the tub fills up. 

Shrugging off your ripped clothes and Alastor's coat, you sink into the water, seeping into the open wounds on your body. As much as you want to climb out the tub, it's important to rid yourself first from the golden blood and debris that cover you. You look over your whole body under the tainted water, you are covered in cuts and bruises but other than that, there's no concerning wounds to be found. Well, other than the numbing pain of your wings. Now that you think about it, your halo has been missing the whole trip. You can sense that it's there, but you cannot feel it above you, nor do you see it illuminate the room.

Maybe it's just hidden? 

As you think that, the halo starts to manifest just above you, the glow weaker and flickering just slightly as if it's a broken bulb. You frown at the sheer difference from when you were in heaven, when it was incredibly bright, the other angels would tease you for being a walking lighthouse sometimes. When you lift up your hand to touch the halo, you notice a mark on your ring finger. Looking closer, it seems like a tattoo, of two snakes twisting into something akin to chains. How odd.

A knock pulls you out from your thoughts and a voice from the other room calls out to you.

“I’ll be leaving out your clothes on the bed my dear, Rosie will come by in a moment to help you with your hair!” 

You quickly finish the bath and stumble in front of the mirror. Eyes darting to your mirrored self, you gaze upon the broken wings and dim halo, you are ashamed to see what you are now. Though you have done nothing to cause the fall, you still feel the undeserved guilt of being wrong. Ingrained to you during your time alive and dead, but you yourself know you've been good, so why berate yourself over other people's definition of good and evil?

Still, you try to will away the angelic limbs attached to you, and are successful in hiding it, leaving only red patches of burned skin on your back. Thankfully, you were able to soothe the irritated skin and patch up the area fairly well. 

You close the door behind you and check out the clothes Alastor got for you, it's similar to his in design but also suited to you. How he was able to get your size right you're not sure. Regardless, it fits you perfectly, and there's even an opening at the back for your wings, though you've already willed it away, still you appreciate the sentiment.

“Are you done honey?” a knock reverberates in the room and you answer with a ‘come in!’. Rosie does and is pleasantly surprised at the lack of wings on your back. You remember the coat left in the bathroom and grab it, shrugging it on to cover the exposed skin and bandages. 

The cannibal guides you to the vanity, starting to brush your hair.

 “So you're Al’s little angel hm? How’d he manage to catch such a cutie pie?” The woman's Boston accent grabs your attention from the various tools in front of you.

“Well… As he said earlier I’ve been assigned to him as his spouse haha…” you laugh awkwardly,”but enough about me! How about Alastor…What is he like?”

“Oh! He’s such a sweetheart! Well he is an Overlord, he eats other demons, and kills for fun, but don't you worry about that! You're his darling, he wouldn't do anything to harm you. You're in good claws sweetie.”

“Sorry, what???”

“Hm?” 

Rosie just smiles at you before finishing up your look. And might you say, looking at the mirror you look absolutely breathtaking. Coming out of the room, you find Alastor in the kitchen cooking. The smell wafting around the house is magnificent, you are reminded how hungry you are after falling from heaven.

“There you are my dear, I made some Jambalaya for you! My momma always said once I got my own cherie I should always provide for them for the rest of our days. So, expect more of this dear,” the man hums an upbeat tune as he gives you a plate of the food. 

Adorably, he wears a yellow apron that says ‘Deer-est cook’ at the front, you also notice that he had his hair up with a ribbon in a low ponytail.

You were excited to consume the meal right in front of you but then you remember where in hell you are now.

“...Did you put demon meat in the Jambalaya…?”,eyes glancing up at him, the question lingers in the air as he catches your eyes and stares back, still smiling. A few unnerving seconds pass before he answers with a ‘of course not!’

You breathe out in relief and trust your so-called ‘husband’.

Or maybe I shouldn't trust what he says, but he's still staring, what if he gets angry that I won't eat it?? Oh heavens, please forgive me.

With closed eyes, you finally bite down on the food. Praying to all things holy, hoping that you did not do anything blasphemous by accidentally eating demon meat, you find yourself pleasantly surprised at how delicious it was. You almost forget proper etiquette when you start ravenously gulping down the rest of the food. 

The demon before you chuckles in delight at the sight of you enjoying your food. As much as he would like to feed you his exotic diet, he would rather not force you to do anything you don't want to. And oh…the pleased shiver that ran down his spine at the trust you've shown him by not questioning him any further regarding the meal was truly delicious.

Dear angel… MY dear angel. How perfect you are… I'll never let you go. After all, you were made for me weren't you?

“I forgot to tell you how absolutely darling you are in that outfit! I must say I have quite the taste! Haha!” he laughs at his joke,“might I ask where your wings are? I could’ve sworn it was there when I left! Unless you cut it off? You should’ve asked me though, I’m sure your wings would be a delicacy…”

“I was able to hide it, I don’t want to be a walking target you know? An angel down in hell seems like a bad thing to be.”

“Oh don’t worry about being a target! I’ll kill whoever tries to even look at you wrongly,” crooning at you, he brushes away invisible dust on his coat, “also you may keep my coat dear, it’ll be a good way to show people that you belong to me now, that is until I can find a ring worthy enough to be worn by you!”

“I-uh thank you…” 

Crap. If I don't escape soon I'll be officially married to him. Then again…if he keeps cooking me good food I guess it won't be too bad…

With that in mind, you hope your future will be brighter than your descent to hell.

A/N GODDD THAT TOOK SO LONG. Honestly, the more people kept asking for part 2 the less inclined I was to actually make one but here I am.

That being said, I will be making more fics at my own pace. Finals is coming up so please do not expect new parts for this fic. Truth is ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE MULTIPLE PARTS! It was merely an idea I had while I was in an art block. Nonetheless I hope you enjoyed it :DD

(I unfortunately do not do taglists)

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Divider by @/cafekitsune

#yandere alastor #yandere alastor x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel alastor x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor x reader

[muirneach]

well since i’ve apparently decided to be angry tonight here’s something that’s bothered me for a while. not sure i love the whole pronouns movement(?) these days. like yes they are important and though i don’t exactly hate being misgendered i can understand why other people do hate it duh. but hmmm the asking people for their pronouns… it’s a little strange in my opinion. it REALLY feels like asking what someones gender is/whats in their pants. like you wouldn’t be asking me this if i was cis presenting! you know i’m trans but you are just woke enough to know you can’t ask me what my gender is. ugh idk where i was going with this but i wouldn’t need pronouns if bitches weren’t talking about me behind my back!

#like girl you’re meeting me once and you’ll probably never think about me again #sorry the first bit makes me sound like a boomer lol sorrryyyy idk how to phrase it #this is not about me getting ‘whats ur pronouns’-ed today ive felt this for a long time but it did reawaken it #<- though the first thing i said was ‘wouldnt you like to know weatherboy’ out of instinct but i was right. wouldnt you like to know #idk ive heard stories from people pre meeical transition to being read as cis and how people stopped asking them #and also stories from like. a gnc-ish retail worker who got asked this by a random customer which is really what i was getting at in #the second half yknow. like it really feels like they just want your gender backstory #it is none of your business! quite frankly i dont care if you read me/refer to me as a woman because my gender identity doesnt hinge on #how cis people view me. they have nothing to do with me #trans #this isnt about trans people sharing their pronouns. we can do that all we like #well anyone Can share their pronouns thats fine thats chill i dont mind #its the expectation that i have to give you mine but Only because you view me as trans (derogatory) #also even if youre like ‘well im sharing mine but you dont have to share yours’ theres still a certian expectation now that you bring it up #and ofc its always either do i out myself or do i closet myself. neither one is preferable #because saying he/him WILL out me because i DO look like a girl #and yes yes i like being trans i like looking trans but i dont like my safety being compromised #anyways. im going to bed

[mikobeautifulheart]

hey sweetie!! its meee again!! (the one who requested the drunk megumi fic lmaoo)

ummm can you do megumi again??

so basically after a super tiring day, the reader and Megumi decided to chill in megumi's room. they get cozy and then they get intimate…. (no smut please!, JUST A STEAMY HOT MAKE OUT SESSION like before (with tongue [this is embarrassing now…]) AARRGHH!!.. and can you like, drag the make out session?? i mean, make it longer.) ummmmm then, gojo happens to pass by his room. he hears noises 👀👀(of smooches ofc)… he dramatically sighs like a proud dad considering how much megumi has grown and changed over time. (since he raised him). he then teleports into his room and takes a photo of them without them knowing(??) (idk the photo part, write whatever feels good!) he then teases megumi about it!!

and ofc do it only if it feels comfy for you!!

thanks a lot in advance!!!!!!!! <3333333333

Tehehe I almost jumped when I saw ur request anon, ASK AND YOU SHALL RECIVE.

Megumi and you getting caught up in the moment.

(And on Gojos phone)

TW: THERE WILL BE A MAKEOUT SESSION BUT NOT SMUT. and probably second hand embarrassment.

Maybe 800-900 wordsssish

UNNNNNNNEDDDITEDDD

You went over to Megumis dorm after training to study for your up coming tests. Why do you even have tests anyway your a sorcerer. Whatever any excuse is good enough of you get to hang with Megumi. You guys did actually study for a bit until the sun went down. That's when Megumi started to wrap things up. Even though it had been a few hours you were still hot and bothered from training, and Megumi knew that.

"My shower room is next to my bed room if you want to clean up." He said as he got up to put his study matierials back on his shelf. The best thing out having a small amount of students at Jujutsu High is how good the dorms get.

"If you don't mind."You said going to walk to the room. You paused

"Uh maybe not I didn't bring any clothes and my dorm is across campus..." You mumbled

"You can borrow some of mine" Megumi said hearing everything.

"Oh thanks" you said. Just thinking about being in his clothes makes you heat up.

You opened the bathroom door, spotless, as expected of Megumi. You suddenly felt him behind you making you turn around only to look right up at him.

"Sorry...but here the clothes" he said handing you a shirt and pants.

"Towels are in the corner over there" he mumbled before walking away.

"Thank you" you said going into the room and closing the door behind you.

What was he doing? He knew he wasn't supposed to have anyone in his dorm after 9:00 pm, let alone you. If he gets caught he would be doomed. He flung himself onto his bed, face in pillow and sighing loudly. The tips of his ears were red. He knows he's breaking the rules but...you...you were in his bathroom right now and you'll step out wearing HIS clothes. The image in his mind makes him groan. What was he going to do? You definitely weren't going back to your dorm, not that he wanted you to. And even if you tried to then you would get caught and he would just feel guilty.

Megumi would be lying if he said he never wanted this. He just hoped you did to. Just as he almost suffocated himself in his pillow he heard the bathroom door open. Footsteps filled his mind as you finally came into his view. He sat up and looked at you speechless. The way his clothes nearly slowed you whole made his heart explode. You rubbed the towel against your hair trying to get it as dry as possible before you set the towel aside and joined him on his bed.

There was an akward silence as it was taking everything in Megumi to keep his composure.

"Have you ever had a crush on anyone before Megumi" you asked out of the blue.

It obviously caught him off guard as he moved over to the other side of his bed to give you more space.

"Well...yeah I guess." He said rubbing the back of his neck starting straight at the wall infront of him. He could feel your eyes on him.

"What dose it feel like? Because I think I like someone right now." You said cheek flushed pink. You were nervous. You've been crushing on megimi for a while now but you didn't know how to take it out of the 'friend zone' so you figured that you should just go for it.

"Well it's like your having a heart attack." He starts.

"Then it makes you feel like you want to gently play with their hair" He says reaching out and taking a strand of your hair in-between his fingers.

"And then it makes you feel all hot and embarrassed but it dosent really matter when their so pretty."

You blush harded meeting Megumis gaze and refusing to look away.

"But when you reay like someone, it's love. And love makes you want to do this." He said hand letting go of your hair only to go behind your head and pull you into his lips.

You kiss. You kissed?

He pulled away for a moment letting out a hot breath.

"And it makes you tell them how much you need them and how you would die with out them."

He gose back into the kiss, but this time he slowly put his other arm around your back and lowered you gently onto the bed as the kiss deepened.

You part for a second and said

"Megumi I've never done this before, but I think I like it and I like you"

"I think I like you to" he said

He kissed you again but on your neck, making you groan.

Meanwhile when you guys were at the hight of your night a white haired menace walked by. He has 6 eyes there's nothing you can keep from him, that's why he was disappointed in Megumi because he thought he would have known that by now.

He decided to give Megumi a pass thinking it was iust Him and Yuji haning out until he heard a higher pitched groan. He opened the door slightly and looked into the room to see MEGUMI??? ON TOP OF Y/N???? A thousand thoughts went through his mind. Is he a womaniser? Is that the only thing Megumi learned while he was raised by Gojo? But he's only a kid! So are you...But your not kids anymore...but THATS HIS SON! And he was proud? A grin spread across his face as he closed the door and teleported beside Megumis book shelf, that was facing away from you guys.

"Y/N... I...I need you" Megumi said

"Megumi-" you said, your lips parting perfectly, almost irresistibly. So he went in again, this time he slipped his toung in making you gasp.

Gojo was mortified on one hand, he raised his son well, on the other hand he didn't know if Megumi should even be doing this... Eventually he settled on the 'do now consequence later' method. Before he left he snapped a picture and quickly teleported away.

"Hm. What's wrong Megumi?" You asked as he pulled away and looked around his room.

"It was nothing, I just thought I heard something" He said before going back down.

AUTHOURS NOTE: Thank youieee for the request my most loyal anon and I hope this time I did better (Romance wise) i mean be honest with me, I want to write what you people actually want so your going to have to be honest. Anyways im going to sleep now Gn. and thanks for reading.

You guys were heating up so much that the window started to gain condensation. Megumi deepened the kiss even more taking your breath away. You to were impossibly close together but craved to be closer. You put your arms up and wrapped them around Megumis neck making him go deeper into the kiss again.

One of your hands couldn't help but wander into his hair, playing with it while being high off love. He trailed kisses down your neck leaving a hicky here and there, tounge swiping over each one giving you chills.

"Megumiii~ " you groaned voice sounding like heaven to him.

"Mmm" He said in-between his bites

"What if someone sees them?" You say.

Honestly he could careless about who ever saw them, right now he only wanted you.

"Let them." He said before lifting is face above yours.

" I don't care who sees. Do you?" He asked

You shook your head as a 'not before he smirked and crashed into your lips again.

The next day after traning Gojo took Mefumi aside to talk.

"Look son-im so proud of you, you've grown so much from the mini Megumi I knew" Gojo said pretending to wipe a fake tear from his eye

"Son?"

"Yeah, well word of advice form an expert, I get you'll die without her but you gotta be quieter and don't have your make out sessions when IM on night watch at YOUR dorms okay?"

"What the hell are you talking abou-"

Gojo pulls up the picture of Megumis face hovering above yours.

"YOU CREEP WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY DORM" He yelled trying to take the phone off Gojo.

"MORE LIKE WHAT WAS SHE DOING IN YOUR DORM!"

"DELET THAT!" Megumi yelled

"No, It's going in your photo album" Gojo said turning on his infinity so Megumi was no match.

"And maybe for her birthday you should get her a scarf to cover those 'bed bug bites'"

"SHUT UP YOU PERVET, IM CALLING C.P.C ON YOU!"

Across the field you saw Megumi yelling at Gojo, throwing things at his infinity when Yuji suddenly snapped you out of your distraction.

"Hey Y/N maybe you should get a new Marree, those bed bug bites on your neck look really bad." He said out of genuine concern.

"Uh YEAH ILL DO THAT" you squeaked turning read and pulling your collar up to hide the red marks on your neck.

"You and Fushiguro sure got the bed bugs bad" Nobora smirked looking at you knowing that no way in hell was that a bed bugs work.

THANKS FOR READING ♡

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen megumi #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #jjk megumi #jjk x you #jjk x reader #megumi fushiguro x you #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro x reader #jjk fushiguro #megumi fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu megumi #fushiguro #megumi x you #ushiguro megumi x reader #megumi fanfic #megumi fluff #fushiguro megumi fanfic #fushiguro megumi fluff #megumi fushiguro fanfic #megumi fushiguro fluff

[astoundingbeyondbelief]

Kaiju Week in Review (November 26-December 2, 2023)

I wasn't over the moon when Toho announced that Takashi Yamazaki's Blockbuster Monster Movie was in fact the next Godzilla film. I had seen a few of his works—none bad, but none spectacular either. Well, I've set my sights on watching the rest in the new year, because Godzilla Minus One is an unqualified masterpiece. A tagline from the original Godzilla, King of the Monsters! comes to mind (as it often does when you're me): "Mightiest melodrama of them all!" A lot of the post-Showa films suffer from an abundance of characters who just spout exposition and look at monitors; here, almost everyone in the small cast gets at least one close encounter with Godzilla, and the monster's backstory is conveyed with extreme efficiency. This tale of a war veteran trying to rebuild his life in the ruins of Tokyo, stumbling into a family, finding fulfillment in blowing up leftover mines, and haunted by what he perceives as his cowardice in combat, would have been plenty compelling without Godzilla.

Since it does have Godzilla, it's high on my list of the best movies of the year, and I only need one viewing to call it one of the best installments in the almost-70-year-old series. Yamazaki patiently waited some 15 years after Always: Sunset on Third Street 2 for his shot at a Godzilla feature. You certainly get the sense, watching one of the most brutal, pissed-off incarnations of the monster ever to grace the screen, that he spent every day of it in preparation. Watch it often while it's still in theaters, and watch it big.

Godzilla Minus One will gross about $10 million in its U.S. opening "weekend", a third-place finish that beat expectations. For context, Godzilla 2000, the last Toho Godzilla film to receive a wide release here, made about $10 million during its entire theatrical run here. Ticket prices were cheaper then, of course, and Minus One was helped along further by almost half of attendees going to premium-format screenings. Conversely, it had to overcome Americans' subtitle phobia, and the first weekend of December is usually a slow one. I was pessimistic at the outset, but now I expect larger theaters to carry the film into the new year, especially with near-universal raves from critics and audiences.

Yes, a third section for Godzilla Minus One; it's well-deserved, I promise. MyKaiju is risking life and limb by hosting an English translation of the film's novelization, written by Takashi Yamazaki himself. It appears to be at least partially machine-translated, but the Japanese text is included for comparison. Haven't read it yet, as I want to see the film a second time first, but quite a breakthrough given how mysterious this sort of thing usually is.

Monarch: Legacy of Monsters could never hope to compare with the opening of a stellar new Godzilla film; unfortunately, I also thought this week's episode was the weakest so far. It's bookended by Frost-Vark action, but the rest just drags. All's forgiven if the teacher and the hacker smooch though.

Toho and Legendary used to let each other's live-action Godzilla movies breathe; now the U.S. opening weekend of one is coinciding with the opening marketing push of the other. IGN released a trio of pics from Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, showing Kong with his axe; Dr. Andrews, Jia, and Trapper (Dan Stevens's character) in uniform; and Godzilla "evolving into a powerful new form." The same article included an interview with director Adam Wingard. Naturally, he didn't give away much... besides the return of Doug.

Earlier in the week, Legendary put out a trio of posters featuring Godzilla, Kong, and the film's antagonist, now christened Skar King. The taglines ("Unite" for our heroes, "Bow to Your King" for SK) sound like kaiju campaign slogans. Makes me wonder if, like Godzilla vs. Megalon before it, the movie will improbably capitalize on the presidential election next year. To steal a joke from Titanollante: Godzilla/Kong unity ticket? They'd have my vote.

Godzilla's new form, meanwhile, has already been spoiled by a T-shirt on Legendary's own site and some dire-looking Playmates figures. It makes sense that Wingard would want to have his own spin on the character after keeping the design from Godzilla: King of the Monsters for Godzilla vs. Kong. Hard to cast judgment without seeing the real design in full, but there's one particular detail I really like.

The film also has a booth at CCXP in Brazil, with a panel later today, so I think a trailer is incoming (the main reason I hammered out this whole post so quickly).

I missed this one last week: Tsuburaya announced an anime project called Ultraman: DARKNESS HEELS. The DARKNESS HEELS branding has been around for a while, spotlighting prominent evil Ultras—and, of course, Jugglus Juggler. No details on the anime yet, but if the Juggleman's there, so am I.

The big toy reveal this weekend was Super7's ULTIMATES! MaiGoji figure. Previous Godzilla figures from this line haven't lived up to the official photos, but hope springs eternal. It's $85 (much less than the MonsterArts); preorders started Friday. Other highlights: a Super7 ReAction figure of the original Godzilla's skeleton, which comes with a little Oxygen Destroyer, and a plush Mothra from Surreal Entertainment that can flip to imago form to a neck pillow-shaped larva.

#kaiju week in review #godzilla #godzilla minus one #monarch legacy of monsters #godzilla x kong the new empire #ultraman darkness heels #kaiju

[cellarspider]

Good lord I take a week off of tumblr and now there’s a lot of you

Hello to everyone who’s just followed me in the past week! Most of you have come from a long ramble of mine on interdisciplinary learning, medieval head trauma, and Gallus’ well-wishings on my recent graduation (https://www.tumblr.com/gallusrostromegalus/727017193756327936), thank you to Gallus for that. Thank you to those of you who’ve commented with kind words as well. Specific shout-outs, links to relevant rambles, and questions are below, in the section “Link Roundup and Shoutouts”.

Yes, this is a post with sections. This is how we roll here.

Introduction to Spider

For those who don’t know, I’m Spider! I’ve just gotten my PhD in Mammalian Genetics, having gotten a Masters in Informatics and a Bachelors in Medieval Studies before that. I’ll quite happily ramble about any of them, with the following caveats: an undergraduate degree means I know the basics, but they may be increasingly out of date. And advanced degrees are increasingly specialized in their scope as you go along—you gain the skills to more easily understand things from related specialties, but you only become truly, deeply knowledgeable on very specific topics. However, these topics are not always limited to the field of study generally expected by the degree-granting institution! My focus ended up being significantly divergent from everyone else’s, which resulted in an interesting challenge of communicating my project to others at the institute.

The field I dove into for my PhD was systems genetics. Rather than studying individual genes and how they function, my work examined the wider view: think the difference between a local weather forecast versus modeling the global climate. Both synthesize vast amounts of information, just on different scales and levels of detail.

Many people love studying the tiny details around individual genes, because they can dig down into the mechanisms that make the gene work, how it might break and cause disease, and maybe how to fix those diseases. My love is for the global view of things, which gives you the ability to characterize general statements about how genes are regulated and modified. It’s a field that’s very hard to study without good data that’s complicated to acquire, so it’s a very exciting subject to work on! I’m looking forward to carrying that on into a postdoctoral study, in which I’ll work with a new lab and learn the dreaded skill of grant writing. I’ll be starting this month!

…As Gallus mentioned, my time until then is very much devoted to Baldur’s Gate 3. Happily for me, the new research group I’ll be joining has also been going nuts for Baldur’s Gate 3, so I’ll have a lot to talk about with my coworkers once I’m back to the lab.

In my free time, I’m happy to ramble upon request about the subjects I love, including but not limited to my fields of academic study, my constructed language hobby, scientific ethics and its portrayal in media, creepy-crawlies (always appropriately tagged for people’s phobias), and Baldur’s Gate 3.

…Lots of Baldur’s Gate 3. (I’ve only just reached the Lost Light Inn, please no spoilers!)

Link Roundup and Shoutouts

For those who are interested to see my ramble about why European medical texts in the medieval period tended to be terrible, it’s available here: https://www.tumblr.com/cellarspider/680342023316930560/hi-please-rant-about-medieval-european-medical

Thank you to all those who dug up the name of the academic text I’d forgotten! Its title, in all its wordy glory, is Injuries of the skull and brain, as described in the myths, legends, and folk-tales of the various peoples of the world, with some comments on the significance and reliability of this information in evaluating contemporary concepts as to their nature and lethality by Cyril B. Courville, 1967. It’s a fantastic book, and good lord that title just does not stop

Thank you to fellow spiders @one-spider-from-mars and @vaspider for their comments. We are many. We are mighty.

Thank you to @belovedbright for the fantastic story of the death of Conchobar mac Nessa via brain trauma inflicted by a brain https://www.tumblr.com/belovedbright/727132485919604736

To @doomhamster's question on whether egg whites were used in the medieval treatment of burns: I don’t know! Unfortunately I can’t access the translation of the medical manual I referred to back then (https://worldcat.org/title/1123716578), and the only version I can find online at the moment is in 14th century French (https://www.bl.uk/manuscripts/FullDisplay.aspx?ref=Sloane_MS_1977). Egg whites do appear 33 times in the translation, according to the limited ability I have to search the text, and they show up throughout the book.

#spider rambles far too much #good lord there's a lot of you #hello everyone #I guess this is my intro post now

[write-orflight]

Townie (S. H x Reader)

**Gif Not Mine**

Pairings: Steve HarringtonX Reader (Enemies to lovers)

Rating: M

Words: 5K

Warnings: SMUT!! Language, lewd conversation, Mean Reader, Mean Steve, Soft!Dom!Steve, Over-stimulation, Oral sex(Female receiving), fingering, sexual content. unprotected sex

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: The five times you should’ve hated Steve Harrington and the one time you didn’t.

A.N: Named after Townie by Mitski. This is a terrible 5+1 fic. This fic is so shitty, like its not good at all. but it’s over 5K words so I’m not going to not post it. If you like it, please comment and reblog it. it would mean the world to me. No taglist because it’s different than my other stuff. Also if you want to be tagged in my new Steve Harrington “The Bear” AU fic, inbox me. Much love Cia 

It was no secret you and Steve did not get along. 

You don’t know how it started, neither of you really talked in high school, having run in different circles. Him with the popular crowd and you with the band kids. You knew Steve as the King of Hawkins High, untouchable and frankly, an asshole. Now that your town has essentially turned into a horror movie that you both found yourself sucked into. You learned that Steve was actually pretty down to earth and kinda a dweeb but still an asshole. 

Especially to you. 

The first time was when Dustin somehow managed to talk you into taking him to the mall. You’d known Dustin since he was a kid, You were his regular babysitter and neighbor so you always found it extremely hard to say no to the kid. When you entered the mall, you fully expected to browse on your own, leaving Dustin to find his friends and meet later. It was only when you got there that you realized Dustin’s ulterior motive was for you to meet his new “friend” he made while you were away at college. You were happy Dustin was coming more out of his shell and meeting new people outside his party, you had been worried about the kid when you left. However, what you were not expecting when you entered the small ice cream shop, was to come face to face with the King of Hawkins, himself, dawned in the most ridiculous sailor suit. 

“Dude!” Steve greeted excitedly, when he saw the gap-tooth smile of his friend. 

“Dude!” Dustin greeted back. “This is Y/N, my neighbor, I was telling you about.”

“Oh, Y/N..” Steve trails off, pondering for a second. “You look really familiar.” 

You can’t help but roll your eyes at the man. Of course, he didn’t remember you. “We went to high school together.” You say. 

Steve hums for a second, thinking. “Oh, tuba girl!” Steve says, your face turns beet red as he remembers the single most humiliating moment of your high school career.

“Tuba girl?” Dustin asks, tilting his head in confusion. 

“Oh my god, it was so funny! She went the wrong way during a pep rally, ran head first into a tuba.” Steve laughed. Part of you was gracious that Steve left out the part where your skirt also flew up, giving the entire gym a view of the pink underwear you decided to sport that day. But that part of you was already filled with rage. “You know, you kinda disappeared after that.” 

“Well, I had all the credits I needed to graduate and early admission, so I didn’t see the point of sticking around while everyone called me Tuba Girl, thanks for that by the way.” You said, rolling your eyes. 

Steve scoffs at you. “Oh my god, you really think you’re better than me.” 

You look him up and down in his ridiculous work uniform. “What was your first clue?” 

You could tell Steve was really starting to get irritated with you now. “What do you have that I don’t have?” 

“Well, friends my own age for one.” You snap back. Everyone in the Scoops Ahoy winced, including a brunette girl with shorter hair you recognized as Robin, from band class. You looked guiltily at Dustin. “No offense, Dusty.” You added. The younger boy shrugged. 

You watched Steve’s face get red with anger. “Well, maybe you didn’t get made fun of because you fell in a tuba. Maybe it was because you were a bitch who acted like you were better than everyone!” That made everyone wince again and you fight back tears entering your ducts. 

You lifted your bag higher on your shoulder. “You know what, I don’t need this.” You turn to Dustin. “I’m going to be at the mall entrance in 4 hours and if you meet me there, I’ll treat you to a movie. Okay, kid?” Dustin nodded and you scruffed his hair but not before throwing another nasty look at the man in front of you.

The second time was after Dustin let you in on his secret life of fighting monsters and secret russian facilities. 

You could’ve lived fine without the knowledge to be honest. You didn’t like the idea of Dustin constantly putting his life in danger. Much less, in the hands of that idiot, Steve Harrington, so you decided it was time for you to step in.

You were sneaking around Starcourt mall. You and Dustin were on one side of the hall, Robin and Steve were all the way down the other end of the hall. You waved your hands to the two of them, trying to signal them to go left. 

“What?” You hear the crinkly buzz of the walkie talkie exclaim from Steve. You roll your eyes and signal again. 

“We don’t understand you, I don’t understand why you insist on using dumb ass signals when we have walkies!” 

You flip the bird at Steve down the hall before speaking into the walkie. “Do you understand this signal?! I’m sure you’ve seen this one a lot, dickhead!” 

“Guys.” Dustin exasperates. “Can you save the bickering until we’re out of danger?” You nod apologetically before sneaking further down the hall.

The third time was shortly after the explosion of Starcourt. You had found Steve beaten badly, and a little loopy. Despite your own injuries, you’d driven everyone home as yours weren’t as bad. You save Steve for last, stepping out the car to help him into the cold, empty home. You knew about Steve’s parties from high school and how his place was the go-to because his parents were never home. You never realized how lonely that was until you entered the cold living room. You almost felt sad for him. 

“Hey big guy.” You said, lugging his weight. “Where’s your bathroom?” 

Steve points in a general direction, which you follow. Once you find it, you sit Steve down on the toilet before raiding his medicine cabin in search of something to clean his wounds with. When you find the rubbing alcohol and cotton pads, you turn back to the boy. 

“Do you have bandages or something in here?” 

“Under the sink.” Steve mumbles. You’re semi-gracious he’s back to speaking, even if you hated everything that came out of his mouth most of the time. Steve winces slightly when you press the cotton to his temple. 

“Oh shut up, big baby.” You say. “You know, what you did was incredibly stupid. You could’ve gotten yourself and Robin killed!” 

Steve groans. “Do we have to do this right now? I got the shit kicked out of me.” 

You step in between his legs to get a closer look at the wounds. You feel his hand circle around your waist to steady himself, you guessed. You ignored the fluttering feeling that entered your stomach. You equated it to not getting laid in a while. 

“Seriously, you’re lucky as shit that we found you when you did. You have no idea how close to death’s door you look.” 

“I’ve got a pretty good idea, considering how I feel.” 

“Why did you do it?” You exclaimed. “I told you to wait for me.” 

“We didn’t have that kind of time, okay!” Steve snaps back. “I couldn’t let them find you.” 

You blink at that. “I’m capable of handling myself, Harrington.” 

“I know, I know. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you–you guys.”  He adds. You feel the grip on your waist get tighter, you guess it was subconscious. “I figured it was better me than you… any of you, I mean.” 

You decide to ignore the freudian slip and continue to work on his wounds. 

The fourth time was after you moved back to Hawkins full time and took a job at the Family Video with Steve and Robin. Though it was much to the chagrin of your parents (they didn’t know Hawkins had turned into a literal Hellscape)  you decided to move back and work part time while taking classes at the local university. 

Your relationship with Steve now was… weird. Not good but not necessarily bad. Ever since that night you dressed his wounds in the bathroom, the two of you developed a sort of tolerance for each other. You still bickered often, but not enough for Robin to want to stab her eyes out, which was ideal for everyone. 

You and Robin were discussing a magazine while Steve stocked shelves when Dustin came running into the Family Video. 

“Dude, watch my tapes!” Steve yelped as the smaller boy almost went careening into a stack of tapes. 

“Sorry!” Dustin said, getting upright. 

“What’s up, Dusty?” You asked once you saw the commotion. 

“I need advice.” He said. “Girl advice.” 

“What happened?” You and Steve said at the same time. Looking at each other annoyed, thinking you were the one the boy was referring to.

Dustin looks nervously between the two of you. “Well, Suze mentioned it being our 7 month anniversary next week when I was talking to her on the phone. And I think she’s expecting a gift? But I have no idea what to get her.” 

Steve laughs. “Oh that’s easy, nothing.” 

“Wait a second, Dust.” You cut Steve off. “If she mentioned it, that means she remembered and is probably expecting something. It doesn’t have to be big but you should get something to show you at least care about it.” 

“Dude, I’m telling you. If you get this girl a gift, you’re just giving her an excuse to walk all over you. Save it for the major ones.” 

“Dustin, are you really going to listen to someone who’s been chronically single for the past two years?”

Dustin opens his mouth to say something, probably in defense of Steve, but was immediately cut off by Steve. “I don’t see anyone banging down your door, at least I can get a date.” 

“That’s because I don’t want to date any of these guys in Hawkins.” You rebuttal. “Trust me, if I wanted to date any of these losers, I could.” 

It’s at that moment, you notice who just entered one of Steve’s former teammates enter the store. Nick Nakumara, affectionately called Nick-Nak by his team, greets Steve with a clap on the back. Nick was fairly attractive and thankfully not one of the participants that made High School rough for you. You raise an eyebrow at Steve, letting him know the challenge he’s just placed before you. Steve shakes his head, but you ignore it as Nick approaches the counter. 

“Top Gun…” You say. “Good choice.” 

Nick beams for a second. “Yea, I saw it in theaters. So good!” 

You smile back and quickly write your number on the back of his receipt. “Well, If you want someone to watch it with. Call me.” You smile. 

Nick falters for a second, looking confused between you and Steve. “Aren’t you and Harrington…” He says, pointing in between the two of you. The two of you seem to realize what he’s saying at the same time. You throw a nasty look to Robin and Dustin who are now giggling in the corner. 

“What, No!” You say at the same time as Steve’s “Gross, no.” Which you try very hard not to get offended by. 

“It’s just you guys are always hanging out…” 

Which was true, between the two of you being the main transport for the kids there were a lot of times where you and Steve were together alone while waiting for the kids to finish whatever they were doing. Which resulted in the two of you often having dinner at the local diner or catching a movie. You could understand the confusion, but it didn't mean you had to like it.     

“So you gonna call me or…” You say, deciding that the change of subject was needed. 

Nick smiles at you again. “I’ll call you.” 

You smile as the man walks out with his tape and your number in tow. You turn back to Steve with a smug look. 

“Don’t go out with Nick.” He says. 

“Why not?” 

“Because I know the type of guy he is!” Steve snaps. “He’s just going to try and fu–” Steve cuts himself off, remembering Dustin is still in the store. “He’s just after one thing.” 

“You know, I know what fuck means, right?” Dustin adds. 

“Don’t you have a gift to be looking for?” Steve says to the boy. 

“But you said–” 

“Just go get your girlfriend a gift, Alright kid?” Steve says, effectively dismissing Dustin, who shrugs and leaves the store to do just that. “Seriously, just don’t go out with him.”  

“You don’t know if that’s all he wants.” You say. 

“Are you kidding? I do know that. You don’t know what he was like in high school. And then you just invite yourself over to his place to watch a movie? You might as well have tattooed ‘please fuck me’ on your forehead.” 

“You know, I don’t see how this is any of your business, Steve.” You snap back. 

“You’re right it’s not.” Steve says, almost venomously. “But don’t come crying to me if you don’t want to hear ‘I told you so’.” He says before marching into the break room. 

The fifth time… you actually don’t remember how the fifth time started. But you knew it ended with you marching into Steve’s house after he tried to slam the door on you. 

“You’re such a goddamn asshole all the time!” You yell as you enter the house. Steve rolls his eyes. 

“And you never know how to fucking listen!” 

“Why would I listen to you?!” 

“I don’t know, maybe because I’m always right!” You scoff at that which makes Steve’s blood boil more. “No I am, I was right back at Starcourt. I was right about Nick–” 

You wince slightly. “You said, we wouldn’t talk about that.” 

You hated to think about that night you decided to go out with Nick Nakumara. Steve had been absolutely right about Nick. He picked you up and brought you back to his place. He was sweet, he brought you snacks you had mentioned in your earlier conversations on the phone but not even 10 minutes into the movie he was trying to put his hand up your skirt. You had been vocal and said that wasn’t what you wanted and he all but kicked you out of his house on the other side of town. You’d walked to the nearest gas station and used the payphone to call the only person you knew with a car, Steve. 

He pulled up next to the stoop you had been sitting on for the past 30 minutes, leaning out the window. 

“What happened?” He asked you, concern on his face.

“Shut up.” You say, getting into the car and crossing your legs. He looks over at you, with a still concerned look on his face. “You were right, is that what you want?” 

Steve says nothing, just places a heavy hand on your leg. You try to ignore the shocks that go straight to your heart. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He says, lowly. Steve has never called you anything endearing so when you hear that it puts butterflies in your stomach. “You didn’t deserve that.” 

Though you’ve never said it to anyone, you watched Steve that whole drive, seeing him in an entire new light. He annoyed you to no end, sure. But Steve was… sweet. He cared about you, even when you were nothing but rude to him most of the time. 

You wanted him. 

Badly.

“Doesn’t make me less right.” Steve says, immediately pulling you back into the conversation at hand. Right, arguing with Steve, you thought, Not thinking about the freckles that dotted his nose or how his arms filled out the polo he was wearing. “You have to be right, all the fucking time that you make idiotic decisions that get me beat up or picking you up in the middle of the night. You have to admit that there’s some things I’m just smarter than you about.” 

You couldn’t think of a good rebuttal so you went with a classic. “Fuck you, Harrington.” 

“Yea, you’d want that. Don’t you, sweetheart?” He fires back just as fast, voice dipping almost dangerously low. 

It stops you in your tracks. Steve had only ever called you Sweetheart one other time and that was the car ride away from Nick’s. You thought about how heavy his hand felt on your thigh. How it stayed there the rest of the car ride, dangerously close to your center. How you thought about that night often in the comfort of your dark bedroom, alone at night. Subconsciously, your legs squeeze together. Steve notices this, he always does. 

“Oh… Oh!” Steve says, knowingly. A smug look crosses his face. “That’s exactly what you want.” 

You sputter for a second. “Shut up!” You exclaim. “I never said that.” 

“You kinda didn’t have to, sweetheart, you’re kinda telling on yourself right now.” Steve says, smugly. “Is it me calling you sweetheart? That do it for you?”

Your face wildly flushes. You feel incredibly embarrassed and not to mention, turned on. You sputter for a second before regaining your confidence. “You fucking wish, Harrington.” 

“Yea, maybe I do.” He says, stepping incredibly close into your space. You back instinctively but find yourself back into a wall. Steve takes this opportunity to crowd into your space. “What do you want, honey, huh?” He says, almost condescendingly. He doesn’t miss the way your breath hitches. 

“Steve–” 

“If you don’t want this, just say that. I’ll let you go and we can forget this ever happened. But what do you want, sweetheart?” Steve almost looks pained. The cockiness in his voice fading into something genuine. As though he, himself, was scared of your answer

“You.” You whisper so quietly that even you have trouble hearing it but it was all Steve needed to pull you into an almost bruising kiss. You gasp at the suddenness of the action before relaxing slightly. You fight for dominance for a while, you not wanting to give him the upper hand on you. That is until you find yourself pressed rather roughly into the wall. The hand that had been cupping your cheek was now wrapping softly around your throat, as if he was testing exactly what you would be comfortable with. He smirked slightly against your lips when he heard the soft moan escape your mouth. Steve began sloppily mouthing around your jaw and neck that produced probably the most embarrassing sounds from you. Steve pressed himself closer to your body and you couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of his erection pressing against your center. 

Suddenly, Steve is pulling away from you. You’re ashamed to admit it but you chase after him a bit, but you’re held back by the hand that was once softly around your neck, now gripping it fully, not enough to hurt but enough to make you very aware that you had lost complete control of the situation. 

“Come on.” He says, deeply into the space between you. You let him take you into the downstairs guest room. You assumed that, like yourself, he was too eager to make the long stretch upstairs to his bedroom. As soon as the door was closed, Steve was on you again, kissing you just as intensely as before, this time tugging aggressively at your clothes. You decide to help him by pulling your shirt off. Steve sucks bruises into the newly exposed skin, you whine which makes him groan deep in his throat. 

“Take these off.” He says, deep as he pulls apart the button of your jeans. The tone does things to you. Steve was a natural leader, you knew that, but you hadn’t been expecting that authority to follow you in his bed. “I need to taste you.” 

Your head is spinning enough that you don’t even realize what’s happening until your back hits the bed. Steve is tugging roughly at the waist of your jeans pulling them down. You lift your legs a bit in assistance. Once your pants are down, Steve is groaning as he parts your legs and leaves biting kisses on the inside of your thighs. You hiss slightly as Steve hand snakes its way up to to rub against your clothed sex.” 

“Fuck.” He groans. “How are you already this wet? I’ve barely touched you.” He says, before pulling your underwear to the side and slipping two fingers inside you. You moan loudly, which only spurs Steve on. “All of this? Just for me, sweetheart?” 

“O-only you.” You stutter back, losing yourself in the feeling of Steve's rough thumb pad rubbing diligent circles on your clit. Steve leaves hot kisses down your flesh, biting your most sensitive places, your neck, stomach, the dips in your hips. He then tugs your underwear down but remaining eye level with your sex. He looks up at you as if silently asking for permission. You nod, flustered. Steve grips your hips tightly with one hand, the other grabbing the outside of your thigh almost bruisingly. He pulls you sharply towards his waiting mouth. 

You moan embarrassingly loud as you feel the sharp quick lick to your clit. Your head thrashes back against the pillows. You started squirming away from the assault, your head swimming from the intensity of it. Steve just holds you in an iron grip, moaning slightly against your sex, which causes you to moan again. You brave a look down at him and realize you shouldn’t have. The man was beautiful. His hair had fallen sweatily in front of his face, his caramel eyes blown almost completely black. You see his hips moving slightly against the mattress as if searching for any type of friction. The idea of him enjoying this just as much as you pulled you dangerously close to the brink. 

“S-Steve.” You moaned, the man looked up at you as his finger pushed into your center. You feel tears entering the corners of your duct as he brushes the spongy spot inside you. You were teetering closer and closer to the edge. “I’m– I’m gonna–” You tried to get the word out but the feeling was too intense. 

Thankfully, Steve didn’t need many words. “Go ahead and cum for me, honey. Come on.” He says, low as his fingers continue their assault. That was all you needed to let yourself fall over the edge, Steve licking into you greedily. He crawls back up your body leaving kisses up your torso before landing inevitably at your mouth. You moan at the taste of yourself on him. You tug at his shirt to take it off which he helps you with before bringing him back down to kiss you. He presses more into your center before looking up at you. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks. You melt a little at the tenderness in his voice. 

“I’m fine.” You whisper back. “Why?” 

“It’s just, I’ve never seen you this silent.” He laughs. “If I knew that this was all it took to shut you up. I would’ve done it years ago.” 

You roll your eyes. “Shut up and take your pants off, Harrington.” 

“There she is.” Steve smiles, reaching for the button of his pants. You watch as he pulls his pants and underwear down in one go. The sight widens your eyes a bit. Steve notices this. “What’s wrong?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at you. 

“N-Nothing.” You stutter. “It’s just–I mean, I heard the rumors at school but I thought you know, you had spread them yourself.” 

Steve laughs at that before cupping your cheek. “We can stop if you want, honey.” 

“No, I want to. Please, fuck me.” You whisper. 

Steve groans. “God, you’re killing me here, sweetheart.” Steve reaches down to grab the base of his, in your opinion, surprisingly well-endowed member. He looks to you one more time for permission, which you silently grant him, before sliding into you slowly. 

The two of you groan as he bottoms out inside of you. He watches your face, for any signs of discomfort, which you have, he was bigger than you had been expecting. 

“You okay, honey?” He asks, trying to be as still as possible. It was hard, you were unbelievably tight around him. 

Steve was going to kill you with all these pet names. You had never known he could be this sweet. It was then you had a very scary thought. That you wanted this, for as long as you could have it. Forever. 

“Please… just move.” You whisper. Steve grips your hips tightly, one hand braced above you on the headboard above you before delivering slow, deliberate strokes into you. He was so deep inside you, brushing into your cervix. You moan loudly before moving your forearm to your mouth to stop yourself from embarrassing yourself further. Steve instantly grips the offending hand, pinning it to the mattress below you before fucking into you harder. 

“Don’t ever do that.” He says, gripping your hand tighter. “I want to hear how good I’m making you feel.”

“Steve–” You keen, loudly. Steve is now pistoning inside you, moving your legs higher  up his torso so now he’s impossibly deep inside you, hitting that spot on almost every other thrust. You felt yourself nearing the edge again. 

“Fuck, you feel so good, baby.” Steve moans. “So perfect. God, this pussy was made for me, huh?” 

“I’m-I’m gonna cum” You breathe in between moans. 

“Should’ve known you’d be this greedy.” He smiles. “Go ahead, cum on my dick, let me feel you.” Your eyes shut, as you hit your peak. Steve slows a bit as he fucks you through your orgasm. 

Steve kisses under your jaw, still fucking into you. “Think you can give me one more?” 

“Huh?” You say, dazed. 

Steve looks up at you. “Do you want me to stop or can I get you off again?” 

“I don’t–I don’t even think I can again, Steve.” You say. And you believed it, your body felt floaty and spent. You hadn’t been expecting this, to feel like this. You honestly, just hoped it’d be mediocre so you could get it out of your system and have it be over with. Now that you knew, Steve could make you feel like this, you didn’t know if you could ever go back. 

Steve made shallow thrusts inside you, pulling that train of thought. “I know, I can get you there again.” He says, smugly against your ear. “Let me make you feel good, please.” 

You nod weakly as he folds your legs higher up your torso, fucking harder into you. You gasp at the feeling, eyes rolling back slightly as he fucks deeper into you, finding the spot in you again, almost instantly. 

“God, sweetheart, you feel so good around me.” Steve says, in between your moans. He feels you tighten impossibly around him as he drifts a thumb down to draw circles around your clit. You’re seeing stars behind your eyes at this point. “Fuck, are you close?” You nod, stuttering his name like a mantra as you near your edge for the 3rd time that afternoon. “Come on, baby. I need you to feel you cum on my dick again. Please, honey.” 

That was all you needed to break the dam inside you as you felt yourself shatter around Steve. Through your haze, you heard him moan, his thrust getting more erratic as you felt him emptying inside you. 

The two of you stayed like that for a minute. Him, laying his full weight on you before pulling out and laying in the space next to you. The two of you don’t say anything, neither of you really know what to say. What do you say in that situation? Hey, I know we’ve been assholes to each other since we met but thanks for the best bang of my natural-born life. You look over to Steve who’s already looking back at you. 

“How do you feel?” He asks, shyly. Suddenly this was not the man who just took you to bed but Steve again, caring but unsure of himself. 

“Sore.” You answer. 

Steve chuckles a bit. “I did kind of take it too far. I can run you a bath if you want.” 

You shake your head. “I just want to lay here, if that’s okay.” Steve nods. 

“Y-Yea, okay.” Steve says, starting to move. “Let me just get my clothes and I’ll be out of your way.” 

“Steve.” You call. Steve looks at you inquisitive. “Stay… please.” You don’t realize how much of a plea it was until it left your mouth.

“You hate me…” Steve says, slowly. 

You look at him confused. “Steve, I don’t hate you.” 

“But you–” 

You sit up to look at the man fully. “Steve I– I’ve never been good at this kind of thing. When shit gets complicated, I run. You know that. But I don’t hate you , I’ve never hated you. Do I give you shit sometimes? Yea. But that’s only because I didn’t want to think about the alternative that…” You drift off for a second. 

“What?” Steve asks, now looking you deeply in your eyes. 

“That I mess with you because that’s what gets you to pay attention to me.” You say, as the boulder weight goes crashing off your shoulders. “That I like who I am around you. That I really really like you.” You look away from Steve when you realize that he’s not saying anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything? 

“I’ve liked you since you walked into Scoops Ahoy.” He says, almost too quiet that you almost miss it. “And you’ve never had to do anything to get my attention, you’ve always had it. In fact, you can always have it, for as long as you want.” 

“How’s forever sound?” You joke. 

Steve presses a kiss to your lips. It’s different from the hungry desperate kisses from before. This one was sweet and held something in them. A promise. 

“Sounds perfect to me.”

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[fuckyeah-jessicabiel]

GQ Magazine - July 2007

The Summer of Jessica Biel

To celebrate Biel’s being in a movie actually worth seeing, we sent Adam Stein to play carnival games with her.

When I told various friends I’d be interviewing Jessica Biel, I got the responses you’d expect—jealousy, mild rage, a plea to give her a phone number because she’s the one person that a friend’s wife would give him a free pass to sleep with. The uncanny thing is, when I asked these guys what they thought of her as an actress, most of them drew a blank. They hadn’t seen a single motion picture of hers. Okay, one or two had girlfriends who’d brought them to see The Illusionist, but otherwise, nada. As my friend Taj put it: “I’m obsessed with a girl I’ve never seen move.“

Well, that’s about to change. Later this month, men across America will see Jessica being very good in a very funny movie, and the nature of their love for her will…deepen. She’ll still be inhumanly beautiful, sure, but now they’ll have to contend with genuine talent, too, and that one-two punch can be disorienting. You know what else can? The fact that despite her recent tabloid exposure, she’s actually sweet, funny, earnest, occasionally a little crude, and—if my time playing carnival games with her can be used as evidence—uniquely driven to conquer whatever stands between Jessica Biel and what she wants.

I am waiting for her at the Santa Monica Pier, sitting on a stool next to one of those games where you shoot water from a gun into a clown’s mouth. I haven’t shaved for a week, because I read somewhere that Jessica Biel likes guys with beards. I’m inspecting mine in the reflective back of my iPod when a nice-looking young woman materializes in my view. “Excuse me,“ she says. “Are you Adam?“ “Jessica?“ I ask, ridiculously. Of course it’s her, in wraparound sunglasses, an open gray sweater over a white blouse, and faded jeans. She wears checkered Vans, like Jeff Spicoli. On the pier, no one recognizes her, which I suppose makes sense: There’s little resemblance between the pinup girl and the sneaker-wearing civilian out on a Monday afternoon. She doesn’t stick out as we walk the wooden planks of the amusement park; she blends in. She is, you might say, a very chill girl.

“Can we get a photo next to a star?“ she asks, stopping in front of a booth hawking photographs with huge cardboard cutouts of celebrities. It’s an impressive, eclectic array: Bill Clinton, Mini Me, Michael Jordan, Hilary Duff, Enrique Iglesias(!), Jean-Claude Van Damme, DiCaprio in Titanic. “They’re all kind of old,“ she says. I don’t know if she means the cutouts or the celebrities themselves (because to me, Mini Me will never age). She’s only 25 years old, so it could go either way. I ask her who she’d most want to pose with. She scrutinizes the assembly and makes her call: “I’d probably pick Van Damme, ‘cause he looks the coolest.“ She takes the Muscles from Brussels over Leo—a victory of might over sensitivity. Nice.

Then she decides it’s time for the games to begin. She passes up the Riptide Ring Toss (“That one is impossible,“ she says) and focuses her attention on the Pier Plank Plunge. The PPP is basically a rope ladder suspended horizontally over an inflatable mattress. The trick is to climb, perfectly balanced, to a taunting red button placed approximately ten feet away. Press the button, win the prize—an enormous Sonic the Hedgehog. I ask her if she’s ever Pier Plank Plunged before. “Yes,“ she says, assessing the structure, looking for its weaknesses. “But I’ve never been able to achieve it.“ She begins barraging the bored-looking carny with questions. “Do you have any tips?“ (It’s all about balance.) “Have you done it before?“ (Nope.) “Has anyone ever won?“ (Yeah.) “Has anyone won today?“ (Not yet.) She turns to me, and I have to say she seems genuinely excited. “This is our chance,“ she says. “It’s our chance to win.“ I’m beginning to get the distinct impression that winning is important to Jessica Biel. “Ladies first“ being the imperative, I take the initial go-round. It’s harder than it looks. My arms shake. Everything shakes. I can feel her hopefulness—Do it, get there—but I fall off within seconds. The shame is truly surprising. I wanted to do it for Jessica and failed. She throws me a “good try“ before stepping up herself.

Jessica was a gymnast when she was younger, and the training appears to be paying off as she mounts the unstable rope ladder. (It also occurs to me that the view I currently have is one the paparazzi would kill for.) She deploys a disciplined crawl, gets tantalizingly close to the red button, reaches for it—and loses her balance, flips over, and lands flat on the cushion, laughing. “Holy shit,“ she yells. “It’s so hard. That’s so frustrating.“ The carny asks if we’d like to try again. She pauses for a moment, looking at the button, and then, with obvious reservations, demurs. “You were really, really close,“ I tell her. “I know,“ she says, still staring at it, reluctant to move, apparently, without conquering the damn thing. “That’s how it gets you.“

Next up is something called the Hi-Striker, a game in which you swing a mallet to test your strength. I take three feeble swings, each one less successful than the last. A huge Hispanic man laughs every time I bring the mallet down on the metal block, and when I exit the cage and hand it off to the female attendant, she takes one exhibition swing and makes my emasculation complete. Up goes the projectile. Ping goes the bell.

J.B. watches, rapt. “Look at her awesome stance,“ she whispers, absorbing the details, memorizing the motion. Some actors “find“ their characters via a process of internalization—investigating emotions, plumbing psychology, creating an “inner life.“ This is known as the inside-out approach. Other actors work outside-in—developing a walk, a gesture, a physicality. Look at, say, Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby. Look at Jessica Biel in the Hi-Striker cage.

Mimicking the attendant’s, her first swing easily skunks my best effort. And she improves with each attempt. She’s getting into character. As she exits the cage, there’s a look of satisfaction on her face. She returns the mallet to the attendant, who looks at me and says: “She did better than you.“ As we leave, I ask her: “Is it more technique than strength?“ She shakes her head. “Brute strength,“ she says. “You just throw it up and slam it as hard as you can.“ On our way off the pier, we pass Zoltar, the animatronic fortune-teller who turned that kid into Tom Hanks in Big. Zoltar senses us and speaks: “Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved.“ Zoltar makes Jessica smile. She digs his philosophy.

Jessica Biel’s destiny, at least of late, has led her to a prominent place in the trashy supermarket gossip rags. First it was snapshots of social excursions with second-banana studs (Chris Evans, Ryan Reynolds). Then, upping the ante, there was a beach fling with a sports icon (Derek Jeter). And then, in February, she grabbed the tabloid brass ring for reportedly nabbing the world’s most eligible bachelor, Justin Timberlake. Unsurprisingly, it’s not something she’ll discuss.

One thing she is happy talking about, though, is the unladylike girth of her knuckles. We’re getting dinner at an unassuming Italian trattoria across the street from the pier when she flashes those meaty joints and describes her nascent production company. “It was almost called Fat Knuckle Films. Because I have fat knuckles. See?“ she asks. “They don’t really look that way until you start putting rings on them, and then it stops right there.“

I have to say, Jessica Biel’s chunky midfingers are endearing, human, attainable—a word she uses a number of times in our conversation, as if to remind the world that she’s just a regular girl from Boulder, Colorado, who happens to have been called, by Esquire magazine in 2005, the Sexiest Woman Alive.

“At first I felt really embarrassed about it,“ she says. “You know, it’s a weird thing to talk about. Like, ‘Hey, guys. Guess what?’ You don’t just go telling everybody that.“ She shifts her weight forward and goes on: “But after I got over that, I just started to embrace it. I started thinking, If I ever do have kids, and if they have kids, I can tell them: ‘You know what? Your grandma in 2000-and-whatever was the Sexiest Woman Alive. How about that, kids?’ That’s what I started to think about. I’ll always have that picture to say, ‘That’s what Granny used to look like.’ “

Before coming out here to get my ass handed to me at the Hi-Striker, I immersed myself in Jessica Biel’s Collected Works. She got her start in the mid-’90s on 7th Heaven, the WB dramedy that made a splash with the moral-values set, before leaving around 2002 for bigger (and badder) things. It’s been a grim scene ever since: Summer Catch (2001), which starred Freddie Prinze Jr. and stands at number forty-nine on Rotten Tomatoes’ 100 Worst- Reviewed Films of All Time. The Rules of Attraction (2002), notable only for Fred Savage shooting heroin between his toes and saying things like “I can feel my dick.“ (Remarkably, Biel comes across as fresh and charming, despite the astonishing pointlessness and nihilism of the flick.) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), which was Biel’s first top billing and is her biggest box-office performer to date, with a take of about $80 million. J.B. screams her head off throughout the movie and is entirely believable in distress, but you can’t help thinking as you watch her, There’s got to be better material than this. Sadly, no. There was an atrocity called Cellular, in 2004, and Blade: Trinity that same year (in which Biel kicks much undead ass as a midriff-baring vampire hunter). But the nadir has to be London, in ’06, a delusional piece of trash that starts off with a sex scene, Biel on top, saying, “Are you coming? Are you coming?“ before she proceeds to another not-quite-dignified act and then dips out of the frame to, presumably, swallow. Like I said, a grim scene.

And then, just in the nick of time, salvation arrived. A script called The Illusionist, to star Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti. There was a problem, though. The filmmakers didn’t want to give Biel an audition. They weren’t convinced the vampire-hunting Hollywood creation could rearrange herself into the role of a refined fin de siècle Hungarian duchess.

But Jessica Biel has a hard time taking no for an answer. And when another actress “dropped out“ of the film, her tenacity paid off. They finally brought her in. She arrived wearing a full period costume. She made them take her seriously, she says, and three days later, an offer arrived.

The Illusionist wasn’t what you’d call a “hit,“ but it got good reviews, made decent money, and changed the industry’s perception of her. Doors that were closed began to open. They just weren’t opening fast enough for her taste.

She sets down her after-dinner tea and says, “I want choices. I want options. I want to lay out all the directions I could go and have the ability to choose. I’m slowly starting to have that now.“ It’s the “slowly“ that kills her.

One film that will almost surely expedite the process is I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which will be released this month. It stars Adam Sandler and Kevin James as two Brooklyn firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic-partner benefits. J.B. plays the female lead, their hoodwinked attorney who falls for Sandler by the end of the picture.

Chuck and Larry is Jessica’s first real shot at popular, mainstream film success. Unlike her previous big-budget endeavors, it doesn’t rely on CGI or fetishistic weaponry to make its points. It is also—apologies to Freddie Prinze Jr. —her first comedy.

“It was a little bit intimidating,“ she says. “I really admire Adam and Kevin, but then, I didn’t try to equal them or one-up them, and the character I created didn’t have to be that. She’s the straight woman, but very fun and very cool and just—attainable. That’s the kind of part that I’d like to play more. I mean, a vampire hunter? Is that really attainable? I’d just like to play something a little more quirky, interesting, outrageous. And uninhibited.“

“You’re not worried that she can do comedy,“ the movie’s director, Dennis Dugan, tells me. “You can tell she can do comedy. So we just met her and cast her. I really think she can have one of those diverse, Oscar-winning careers. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no horizon to her talent.“

The sun has gone down, and we’re standing on the sidewalk in front of the Italian joint, across from the pier. I’m holding a small stuffed Spider-Man doll that Jessica won as a prize back at the amusement park and which she’s given to me to give to my son. I ask what she’s doing tonight, and she says she’s playing chaperone to a girlfriend on a first date. “Basically, I’m her wingman tonight,“ she says. “I’ll probably slip away if it’s rolling along well.“

She graciously agrees to a photograph with me, which I would include except for two reasons: (1) I don’t want to make Justin Timberlake jealous, and (2) you never quite understand how unattractive you are until you see yourself in a picture with Jessica Biel.

I watch her as she walks toward the pier. I know it’s where her car is parked, but I have this image of her heading straight back to the Pier Plank Plunge. The carny won’t know who she is, nobody on the pier will recognize her, and she’ll just hand over her fiver and go at it. That red button, almost within her reach. Attainable.

#jessica biel #gq #gq 2007 #articles #magazines #cover #interviews

[thechekhov]

I think the ‘tied to/anchored to’ anon was more asking if you think your WD Steven AU is your defining creation.

oh, I see! That's a fair question....

I suppose WD!AU did take off in a way no other comic of mine has, but that's to be expected given its length alone. I don't particularly care about the details of my own 'internet fame'. I tend to view it as more of a statistic.

WD!AU is popular because people like it, and I'm glad for that, but it's also popular because I've literally been drawing it for over 3 years and there are over 240 comics of it completed. If I was worried about it being My Thing, I could have stopped drawing and let the project mold in the corner, and I could have started drawing something else. (In fact, I HAVE been drawing other things. People who don't give a flying fuck about SU probably don't think of it as My Thing. Some people think of me as a Critical Role fanartist. Which I also am.)

Also, I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but I'm not drawing WD!AU because I want to please people, or out of some sort of obligation I feel in order to keep my internet fame (which is honestly meager). If I wanted to give it up, I would. I would not care about the hate mail I would get because guess what? I actually get more weird messages when I DO post. 😂 (People telling me the way a story should go, people asking me questions they could have answers to by reading, people telling me what I did wrong with ___ character, or what they think I should have done last chapter, etc...)

I could quit any time and have peace and love on planet earth. Instead I keep on keeping on. Why? I'm having fun drawing the story.

And in the end, my own fun is really the only thing I care about. I ain't doing this for tumblr numbers. I'm just seeing how far I can take this. It's a marathon, and I'm just surprised I'm still running. It's a science experiment at this point.

#chekhov answers

[wrathful--artist]

The Caged Bird and Chased Mouse

Chapter 2: The Mouse Rests

HOLY HECK,,, lots of people seem to like this idea, i wasn’t expecting people to like it or want to be part of a taglist no less! Im still not a writer by trade,, im an artist so maybe,,, just maybe,,, ill draw some scenes if you ask politely (they;ll be sketches but hey if it helps you visualize then I’d be happy to help!) also If you want i can answer things if something’s unclear in the story *this is just me asking for asks tbh,, i need friends haha* anyways i’ma make this one longer to compensate for the shorter one last time.

No Warnings!

You were in a void of darkness, sitting down on the non-existent floor. You look around hoping you’d see something at least vaguely familiar to latch yourself to, but it was truly empty. You started to stand up to gain some bearings on where you were.

It felt like a dream, you thought, it had the same sort of fuzzy quality you’d feel when dreaming with nothing truly concrete. Or perhaps, it’s a worse, torturous nightmare than the one you just escaped, your traitorous brain supplied. You shook your head to make sure the thought didn’t linger for too long and started to wander in the void.

After a while of walking around aimlessly you started to think of your life before this whole fiasco, your comfortable bed with plenty of blankets, pillows and plushies. Your walls decorated with assorted posters and trinkets. Your windows that gave a clear view of your yard and the bird feeder you put to watch them come and go. Your plants outside that needed water regularly, making you one of the few Genshin players that touched grass nearly everyday.

You didn’t even realize you had closed your eyes. You opened them, expecting to see the void once again but…

It was your room. Your magnificent room. You could’ve cried at such a familiar and mundane sight.

You were about to fall into your bed but you noticed it was alright occupied by someone. It was the child that was trapped in the orb thing, she was here sitting in your bed looking at you expectantly. You sat next to her in the bed (damn, it also felt the same,) and stared back.

“…” The white-haired girl kept opening and closing her mouth as if she couldn’t think of what to say to you, “You seem so… Familiar to me. Do you know why?”

You were taken aback, but worried, was she also going to accuse you of being an imposter? You spoke after a bit “uhm, no, I’m sorry.”

“Oh. I was hoping you knew, it’s frustrating to not know something when its… uhm” She puts a finger to her chin in thought

“On the tip of your tongue?” You try and supply helpfully

“Yes! Hehe, I guess that was also ‘on the tip of my tounge’!” She giggles at what she thought of, you also laugh but mostly because of her enthusiasm. You both settle back into silence but a question was still bugging you in the back of your head;

“Why were you trapped in that… Orb thing,” You gesture a circle shape with your hands ”back in what I assume is the real world.”

“Ah, well I’m the Archon of Sumeru and-“ Your eyes widen at that but you decide to stay quiet, “I’m not fit to rule Sumeru, so I let the Sages run everything and because of that I’m not really meant to be outside of the Sanctuary so I’m stuck here.” Her head sags down when she finished speaking, making her look incredibly downtrodden

You tilt your head slightly to the side at mention of ‘Sages’, but decide to just ask simple questions since, well this has been the first character that has shown you friendliness towards you and you’d like to make a friend before they turn against you. “What’s your name? I’m sorry, i know I should’ve asked earlier but, I forget i guess. I’ll tell mine in return, its only fair.”

She lifts her head back up and gives a smile “That’s okay, I also should have asked. I’m Lesser Lord Kusanali but you can called me Nahida.” You tell her your name, your real one and not the one you used in the game, which seemed to be the name given to ‘The Creator’ from what you’ve gathered in your terrifying travels across Teyvat.

You yawn and lean back into bed, “I know this is a dream and yet I still feel tired, I wonder why that is.” Nahida looks at you while you lay down, as if she wants to do something.

“Do you want to.. cuddle Nahida?” You offer, unsure

Her eyes widen and she gives a shy slow nod to you. You open your arms as you lay on your side for her to come over. She hesitantly gets closer, almost nervous about it. Once she’s close enough you wrap your arms around her and pull her closer, she’s like a plushie shes so smol squish her, you thought as you started to drift into what felt like an even deeper sleep. Nahida’ s small arms wrapped around you waist and snuggled her head into your chest as you fell unconscious.

_________________________________________________________________________________

The Traveler felt… Lost. The force that seemed to guide them throughout Teyvat seemed to disappear, they no longer felt the warmth that the being dubbed ‘The Creator’ gifted them when they led their body to new areas and helped with everything. Paimon has been asking them what’s wrong and why they haven’t been traveling (or talking for that matter) as much as of late, because Paimon didn’t seem to understand anything about The Creator at all unlike the Traveler’s other companions. “Maybe Paimon isn’t worthy enough to receive The Creator’s warmth like me” thought the Traveler as they absentmindedly pushed around the ash from the campfire they’d set up an hour earlier.

They decided to bring out their Adventure Handbook and flipped to the Map, it seemed like they was one marker left from the last time they had been controlled by The Creator. “Hey Paimon, Tomorrow we’ll be back on the road.” Traveler said to his flying friend who was currently devouring an entire Honey Roast.

“*Nom Nom* Where to? Paimon’s bones have been aching for some good adventure!” Paimon ignored that Traveler had finally spoke a full sentence to her after weeks, more focused on the idea of going somewhere new.

“Sumeru.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

So? How you like it? It’s probably not that long if im being honest ehe. So yeah Traveler is coming into the mix, which btw you guys can decide if you want the Traveler to be Lumine or Aether! (Because I can’t deal with using They for both you the reader and the traveler because i will get confused when writing) Also the whole room thing is based on what my room is like, other than the bird feeders but I’m getting those sometime this year i promise. I also had to read the lore for Nahida and it seems there was never like,,, a solid reason for why she was trapped in the orb thing other than “Sages wanted to and she did it out of her own freewill” and didnt have a larger purpose.

If your name is crossed out it means I couldn’t tag you I’m sorry :(

Taglist: @no-name-omo @moosieman123456 @tinandabin @esthelily @d0rmiens-fact0rem @lunalily19 @meerpea @justasleepyboi @lunarianillusion @cumbermovels @allblognamesaretakenlikereally @dulleyeddreamer @ello-its-me-ya-boi @jayastronomicnova

#genshin impact #au #genshin fanfic #genshin sagau #genshin impact sagau #genshin nahida #genshin kusanali #imposter sagau #sagau impostor au #sagau #its so cute #fluff #fluffy #im not a writer

[itisin]

Call me by your name

Okay, so, hate me for this if you will, but this one post isn't about miraculous ladybug, for a change, it's about a very very different and unrelated story- Call me by you name. So, 2 days ago, I wanted to watch a movie and I googled 'teen movies to watch', or something like that, and just picked the first movie I found and went ahead and watched it. It was this- 'call me by your name'. It be noted that I knew absolutely nothing about the movie, I hadn't even seen the complete trailer. While watching, I had a very rare experience- I just couldn't decide whether I loved it or hated it, but I couldn't stop. It was spellbinding. This movie had some VERY VERY sexually explicit scenes, and for those of you who don't know, I'm bi-ace, which means I wasn't drawn to THAT whole vibe of it. Now, I see this movie, and it is past my bedtime, and as soon as I shut my laptop down, I know I'm not going to fall asleep tonight, and that isn't usual for me, I can sleep through anything, but not this time. I still can't figure out whether I liked the movie or not. There was one thing I was sure of though, the story was lacking a bit of, like, personalization. I was obsessing over the movie (this wasn't usual for me either, I don't normally obsess like this over anything) so, I thought that this lack could have been because it was set in the 1980s or something, and also it followed a similar style to give a feel of that time. So, you know how movies would follow kind of close-up of the characters in each scene, different angles- to really get the audience into their skins. I thought maybe that helps us as the audience understand the emotions, somehow; I thought it needed some kind of background narration to make some things clear.

Then the next day too, I was overly obsessing over the movie, and SCOLDING myself for it, cause, its exam time and I'm very stressed about it; I needed to study. Just couldn't focus. So I start bargaining with myself and decide to read a little explanation of some lines from the movie, which are supposed to be like, the trademark of the story, they were "Call me by your name and I'll call you by mine". I just needed to know the emotion, the meaning behind it. I found some explanations and they were all quoting the main character, and I was sure he hadn't said any of those lines. Then it hit me, the movie was an adaptation of a book. Now, after reading that one-sentence explanation I knew the book was from the main character's point of view and, after reading a few more quotes, I was convinced I NEED TO read the book, just so as to understand the movie through the emotions behind. BUT, to read it AFTER the exams cause I had like, 5 days for my exams to begin and I DO NOT have sufficient breaks in between of exams. Couldn't resist, begin reading by the night with an obviously unreal expectation to finish the book by the night itself. Doesn't happen, finished the book next day by 4:30 pm. Now, THIS, has never happened before, NEVER in my whole life. I'm a person who needs a whole year to finish a single book and I read it in a single day.

Now, THE BOOK, sigh THE BOOK, it was everything I expected. All the scenes that remained unclear were now clear, and the movie was actually a decent adaptation of the book, even though, there were a few scenes different in the movie that the book and vica-versa. The book, however, was FAAAR MORE SEXUALLY EXPLICIT than the movie, not my cup of tea, like AT ALL. And some of the scenes were like, not only sexual, but like, almost disturbing. Still, STILL, I was obsessed with the story even more now, just couldn't figure out why. It was like, I'm understanding something that I'll never feel and don't even want to feel, but it is still beautiful. Most importantly, the narration, the words! Aaaah! Amazingly written, one thing I could actually make out. I heard a person in one video say, the words that are used were MADE to be used in this book. He wasn't really exaggerating. Still, one thing I STILL don't know, do I like the story or not, I just don't know. Now, I do think I like it, why else would I be obsessed with it. Now a new question, Why? Idk, I'm hitting my head on the wall over this and am unable to distract myself from this trough any means, and, as it turns out, most people on the internet are saying that they too, were obsessed with it when they saw/read it- though they were clear that they loved the story. I just, don't know, and because I was obsessing over it nevertheless, I came here, my safe haven; to handle my thoughts, thinking that if I untangle my string of thought at once, it will help me focus on studies, cause I really need that, But, I'm still here, with the theme song 'mysteries of love' ringing in my ears like a broken record. (helppp me T_T T_T )

#call me by your name #cmbyn #oliver cmbyn #cmbyn movie #cmbynfilm #armie x timothee #elio x oliver #cmbyn fic #timothee chamalet #elio cmbyn #armie hammer #elio chalamet #cmbyn spoilers

[kodzuken-chan]

Can I request Monster trio, reacting to their s/o giving them a wedding invitation. (They are not the groom)

A/N: Hiyaaa, of Course you can, its been a while since I received requests anyways ✌🏻 Les go~!!

Here you go, Hope you like it~!!

Pictures are not mine, Credits to the owners

-----------------

Monster Trio reacting to their S/O giving them a wedding invitation (They're not the Groom) Headcanon

------------------

Luffy

"Haaaaaa?!!!! Your Wedding Invitation?!!!!" He snapped

"Yes Luffy my Wedding Invitation, you sure have a unique reaction" you chuckled

"But Y/N!! you're my wifey!!!" He pouted

"No you silly, That's Only when we play House game" you playfully punched him

Luffy sighed but immediately congratulated you with his iconic smile

He externally Looked unbothered for the rest of the day

You'd say so because he's Luffy, these things aren't part of his interest

But you're wrong

Luffy is not that dumb to not acknowledge the romantic feelings he had for you

To him, It was just the matter of dealing with that feeling and how to express it to you.

He knew that he failed in doing it

Although Its rare to see Luffy engrossed in his thoughts

It happens only when its something very serious

But later when the night sets

He'd be stargazing alone on his favorite seat of all times, Sunny Go's head.

"Tell me Sunny...Why do I keep losing the people I love? Y/N is special to my heart...but it hurts that she's going away. She seems happy so I should cheer on her right? Shishishishi" he said to Sunny in a sad tone

Zoro

"Hmm? What's this?" He asked as you handed him the wedding invitation

"Its my wedding invitation card, you must attend Zoro" you said poking his arms

"Sure, Congrats btw" he simply said

His face remaind the way it was until you left

Then his faced darkened

During the whole time you were in a relationship, he always felt annoyed for some reason

But never actually learnt about why he feels that way

But realization hit him the moment you handed him the invitation card

And then he knew the reason for his annoyance

He was in love with you

He fell in Love with a girl for the first time in his life, and yet he stand no chance to have her

She's out of his reach

He simply sat later that night drinking his sorrow and anger away

"Never lost a battle before, but this time I did, I wasn't able to win your heart Y/N" He thought while looking at the wide dark sky.

Sanji

The color drained off his face once he looked at the invitation card extended infront of him

"W-What's that Y/N-chan?" He questioned

"You dummy that's obviously my wedding invitation, I'm inviting you to it~" you smiled happily

He remained silent for few seconds

And his expression changed 180°

He smiled at you just like the picture above ☝🏻

And congratulated you with a tight hug

But his heart was wenching in pain

It was burning with regret and jealousy

He knew that you were seeing someone for the last few months

But he never expected that you will take it seriously

Ending up with Marriage

Now someone else is going to take you away from him, but this time forever

However, he'll never tell you about his feelings

And will cheer up for you from afar

As long as you're happy, he'll support you

"Maybe that was for the better, she deserves someone better than me, I hope you live your happily ever after princess" he said, smoking as he viewed the ocean.

#one piece #one piece strawhats #one piece x reader #one piece scenarios #one piece imagine #one piece headcanons #sanji #sanji x reader #sanji imagine #sanji scenario #Luffy #luffy x reader #luffy imagines #luffy scenarios #Zoro #zoro x reader #zoro imagines #zoro scenarios

[familyagrestefanblog]

About recent takes of Félix’ father vs Gabriel, Félix’ guilt in “Emotion” & How the amok- child abuse of Adrien works (part 0.1 lol)

Just to make this clear right from the get-go (although is sad that such disclaimers need to be made again): No, this is not written as a Félix Defense Post, this is me writing out my analysis’ and other thoughts regarding way too much out-of-context stuff from “Emotion” and the one big confirmation of Félix’ indeed BEING an abuse victim from leaks which I will only incorrperate as vague concept since tbh I dont remember details and I’m not seeking it out for this.

Aright? Let’s go!

Where is all this stuff about Félix’ father coming from? Are those from even more leaks? From what I have seen in leaks of Félix saying something about the parenting he received I too got my confirmation that Félix’ father was abusive, but where is this coming from that Colt Fathom was alot WORSE than Gabriel?

In my opinion, that directly contradicts Félix’ attitude in “Emotion”. Who knows what exactly happened before that episode, though at the very least Félix most likely knows now that Adrien is Chat Noir and thats what made such a massive difference in him:

Also there was this out-of-nowhere second carmoflaged Black Cat-like ring Félix used as amok object that looked exactly like Adrien’s, although we see later that Adrien is still wearing his? That element of the episode was ridiculously out of context, but Félix’ knowing now that Adrien is Chat Noir makes its existence and the episode overall make alot more sense in my opinion.

Its basically the only way I can properly explain anything Félix-related that happened in “Emotion”, down to his behavior when he mentioned Chat Noir towards Ladybug:

Or the way Argos straight up refused to try and take Ladybug’s Miraculous away from her by his own force. He only asked/ threatened her to surrender her earrings to him but he never went further than that. In fact, her calmly stating that she would never give him her Miraculous was what set Félix over the edge in frustration, because he knew thats IT now. Taking it from her forcefully would mean she would speak up against him when he brings Adrien back (to get the Black Cat miraculous and because Félix WANTS him by his side on good terms), but he cant snap the girl behind the mask away either or else Adrien would see him as nothing but a villain if Félix only has her earrings but SHE is gone.

If Ladybug doesnt surrender her Miraculous and remains there to ensure with her words that Adrien too should give Félix his miraculous, where at that point Félix has the chance of explaining his plan to his cousin that noone is gone for real and he just wants to create a better world for them- which in Félix’ mind lead to a scenario in which he’s not the bad guy. Look, the boy knows he, Adrien and Kagami belong to a race of enslaved magical beings and are at the mercy of tyrannical abusers (Dude, what a sentence!). I’m not expecting rationality from Félix Fathom at this point. He was still 100% the bad guy in this, but I get it.

Also Fuck u Gloob, how dare YOU leave me without actual context for this shit?? xD)

But even without that... explanation-theory of mine, in episode 18 all I can see is Félix acting on SO MUCH god damn guilt towards Adrien and trying to free him from Gabriel. He literally states he tried to succeed in this episode for ADRIEN:

Then regarding Colt Fathom’s parenting again: when Félix confronts Gabriel about how Gabriel uses them, his family, he does not treat his uncle as a lesser monster than the one Félix (may have? Idk?) known as a father:

Félix went to the upmost extreme methods to get rid of Gabriel in this episode. He sees his uncle as nothing short of a tyrannical monster that needs to get taken out with a literal SNAP so Gabriel has no opportunity to stop him and be remade with a reality changing wish.

But most importantly, when Félix called Gabriel out he named ADRIEN first:

This was NOT Félix only doing it for himself and those are also not the actions and words of a person who views Gabriel as LESS of a dangerous tyrant bc of his own father. No matter how bad Colt Fathom was, Félix is not underestimating his uncle as the madman that he is. At least not ANYMORE!

Not in a single second of “Emotion” do I get the impression that Félix has NOT finally understood in what horrible position Adrien is caught in in Gabriel’s grasp (more on this regard for the Diamond Ball in an upcoming post I’ll link HERE). Which, yes, Félix too partly caused through the s4 finale. This is most likely why he goes to such insane lenghts to try to save Adrien.

Félix feels fucking GUILTY now in hindsight for having sold the one amok ring of his cousin he already had safe and sound in his possession back to Gabriel, along with 15 more miraculous’ to make him even MORE dangerous:

Which btw, GOOD!!! He should!

Anyway. While I dont understand where these takes about how much worse Colt Fathom was to Félix than Gabriel to Adrien come from, that claim does seems to be very accurate though to Félix’ point of view of Adrien’s abuse BEFORE season 5. Hence why he was being so god damn awful to his cousin and SOLD HIM TO HIS ABUSER!

The way I see it right now, Colt Fathom was abusive on Gabriel Agreste’s level but he did it in ways more open and “obvious”.

Gabriel is an extremely abusive father, but the worst thing about him has always been that he abuses Adrien in a way for which people cannot easily get him for it. Sure, there has always been ALOT to worry about under the circumstances after Emilie “died” but Gabriel Agreste has always made sure whatever he does to his son he remains untouchable enough from a normal legal perspective.

I’m not sure if child protection services could ever have actually helped Adrien even if they tried, because while Gabriel has been stretching all lines of possible slack problematic parents are being given - because the child cant nor SHOULD immediately be taken away from their parent if not truly necessary - Gabriel has never made.. that ONE slip-up too much and too out-of-line that could set Adrien free from him.

And in my opinion, thats what the show is going for because thats what Félix realized at some point prior to episode 18 about Gabriel’s treatment of Adrien and Adrien’s own behavior towards his father, for which Félix gave him massive shit for just last season:

Félix made a full-blown 180 regarding Adrien, thats the only way I can explain it.

Its GUILT. Guilt and the desperate attempt to save his cousin from the horrible consequences Félix had a HUGE part in unleashing and to be able to somehow manage to somewhat save the strong and basically brother-like bond he and Adrien once had as cousins.

And I dont care what anyone says, its by far the one bond Adrien has with anyone besides Plagg in which he’s literally 100% his authentic self and not any degree of Adrien Agreste™ or Chat Noir™. Seriously, if you wanna see Adrien behaving like nothing but a normal boy, watch him interact with his cousin who’s basically his BROTHER.

And it doesnt even matter how much of a damn dick Félix became, in any interaction these two had in the show you could easily SEE how close these two were/are from Adrien’s behavior. Which btw, makes Félix actions before s5 alot worse, but thats the point. This is WHY he goes as far as he does in “Emotion”. Because they once HAD such an incredibly close bond as Adrien’s “naively trusting” behavior towards him always claimed.

The bond which FÉLIX comitted to burn into the ground in s3-s4:

Guilt I can only explain in the same only way I can possibly explain Félix throwing Adrien under the bus as awfully as he did til s5, and in particular the s4 finale:

I can only explain it if Félix all his life had received the other - but in this case pretty much equal - side of the spectrum of abusive parenthood and Adrien’s abuse simply looked so different and way more ”subtle” and “acceptable by society’s standarts” from what Félix’ knew as highly abusive (when he finally gained freedom through getting his ring, probably at his father’s funeral hence why Adrien wasnt allowed to be there. It’s where Félix has told he’s a Sentihuman) that he didnt recognize it as such and therefore ended up hardcore victim-blaming his cousin because he has it “so much better” under Gabriel’s fist but “still cant take initiative like Félix does”.

Félix at the end of “Strike Back” in my opinion truly thought that even though his uncle is a delusional, tyrannical man, Adrien would be the ONLY person safe ENOUGH with him and from him (I know this sounds like a hypocritical cop-out, but Félix is literally in the ONE family position as Adrien’s close and only cousin, who’s also the only other child in their families but always also lived far away enough to not be around to wittness most of Adrien’s and Gabriel’s father-son dynamic behind closed doors [especially in the last, and most crucial year], that I simply have to say that.. this is so god. damn. realistic. This is a way too realistic variation of how the once close children in abusive families end up as bitter rivals throwing each other under the bus within their own absive family system.)

Félix thought that Adrien is as per usual the ONE exception for Gabriel in EVERYTHING, so giving Papa Agreste the control object and 15 more miraculous’ he can fry his brain away with simply... wouldnt have meant endangering Adrien’s entire life in Félix’ eyes.

Which WE know is the WRONG damn reading of the situation!

But for Félix Adrien was his uncle’s one weakness “out of fatherly love” Félix most likely never knew himself, because Gabriel put/s ALOT of effort into keeping his son in the dark (”overprotectiveness”) which lead Félix to even blantantly using Adrien against GABRIEL bc he knew that threatening to tell Adrien would be the most effective way to make his uncle instantly stop denying that he’s Shadowmoth:

(Also, notice how in the upper picture when Gabriel is denying that he’s Shadowmoth, Flairmidable is shot from the ONE - the ONE - possible angle from where his character model looks similar to Chat Noir.

With whatever tons of context we are apparently missing from prior to “Emotion” regarding this entire Agreste, Graham de Vanily/ Fathom and Tsurugi mess, this visual forshadowing in “Strike Back” is in SOME WAY apparently about to become relevant now. Most likely through Nathalie but eyyyyyy, its not like we have any kind of DAMN context! <3 :D)

I already long assumed Félix’ awful but NEW behavior towards Adrien since his father’s funeral to be the result of Félix despising Adrien bc Gabriel burdened his nephew with the knowledge of being Sentihuman in the worst way and at the worst time possible while “overprotecting” Adrien. But now with “Emotion” it seemed I read it mostly right.

The way I see it, Félix did the one thing unnervingly not even uncommon in abusive families: He couldnt recognize his cousin’s extreme abuse because he was too blinded by his own that looked different, while simultaneously comparing Gabriel’s life-long treatment of him and Adrien.

And since Gabriel has probably always treated him unfairly and “worse” than Adrien in Félix’ eyes (which was probably primarily more arrogant indifference from Gabriel’s side while treating Adrien as a golden boy) Félix then most likely thought that HE was the one truly in danger of Gabriel because he isnt Adrien, when Gabriel in actuality probably wouldnt have paid his nephew alot of mind at all and would have had included him automatically in the new reality for Adrien’s sake if - ironically - Félix’ hadnt involved himself and made himself a thorn in Gabriel’s side by now out of (UNDERSTANDABLE) fear and paranoia.

So yeah, still: Fuck Gabriel.

But back to Félix’ possible abuse from his father and how that blinded him to Adrien’s:

(No, I’m not forgetting Amelie and EMILIE, this is just getting WAY too much for this one post. The three mother figures of this family (Emilie, Amelie and Nathalie) are the crucial puzzle pieces in the Agreste’s & Graham de Vanily’s narrative. I’m gonna tackle that in posts dedicated to them specifically)

If Félix for example was more physically abused with open disdain from Colt Fathom than emotionally manipulated, used and gaslit out of “love”, then he would have a hard time at first (especially if he’s UNWILLING to see it) to understand or even just recognize to certain degree all the red flags of that what Gabriel is doing to Adrien resultes/d in emotional scars so bad that Adrien was/is pretty much suicidal at times and spend most of the show stuck in his mental and emotional escapism as Chat Noir (Still, I’m also pretty sure Félix SHOULD have been the ONE person who SHOULD have recognized the resemblance between Adrien Agreste and Chat Noir, the same way Félix was able to recognize Gabriel as Shadowmoth. But ironically, for that he was too blinded by his victim-blaming of Shadowmoths SON)

And if Félix only has ONE amok object and that means whoever wore it (his father) has 100% control over him, then he could (have) significantly underestimate(d) how BAD the emotional toll on Adrien would have been all his life when he always had TWO objects and that - I must assume - resulted in two 50/50 control holds over him:

(Disclaimer at this point: The show is very consistently exploring 3 unique ways for Adrien, Félix and Kagami in how the same peacock amok control resulted in very individual abuse situations for each of them. The amok abuse is not inconsistend or poorly explained, it was never meant to be a 1 for 3 explaination the same way you cant generalize ONE case of parental abuse for ALL existing abused kids. The show is treating this as legit child abuse the way it should. And yes, I will elaborate on all of that in ALOT more detail in future.)

Meaning only Adrien’s action and emotional compliance can be controlled but not his emotions themselves, which I see no reason to not be the default for Sentihuman who only have one object. Meaning for example, that if Colt Fathom didnt wanted Félix to care about any kind of bond with another person his age but his cousin, then Félix simply would have never felt the desire to have friends and therefore also never learnt how to handle the emotional pain of not getting to have them as Adrien was “allowed to”. Adrien didnt get to have friends either, but I suppose unless you wear BOTH his rings no order about forbidding him to have friends would have stopped him from still feeling the longing to have them anyway.

So Adrien’s sounds “better enough” on surface level - which is all Félix would have seen - but its actually massively fucked up bc the clash between Adrien’s natural emotions and the actions his body and mind are forced to obey would quickly beat a young childs mind into misery and helpless fawning on their own expense just to mentally survive that constant invasion of their mind by TWO sources they cant explain to themselves.

Adrien may have been “allowed” to still have emotions but his living conditions would have quickly turned that into emotional agony because Adrien would still be forced to burry everything deep inside that clashes with his parents orders, or whenever he thinks that his behavior or voiced desires would lead to him being shut down again. Its a malicious circle that pretty much accurately represents the normal cycle of emotional oppression within “regular” emotional child abuse.

Not that being 100% controlled physically and emotionally bc of having just ONE amok is in any way “better” (Holy shit, nah!, and I’ll get to Félix’ and Kagami’s abuse in their own posts), but I cant imagine having TWO the way Adrien does as anything short of mental and emotional oppression & exhaution at best - since Adrien ever since infanthood would always have to FEEL the pain of his orders directly going against something that would make him happy/ one of his basic needs and yet he has to submit to it anyway - or basically torment at worst.

Cause can you imagine if Gabriel’s and Nathalie’s contradicting orders in “Protection” would CLASH in the same moment?? GOSH!!!

This pretty much emotionally ripped Adrien back and forth between the two wearers of his amok rings the ENTIRE TIME ever since BIRTH, which would perfectly explain why Adrien is so emotionally repressed, resilient to impossible levels and instandly tends/tended to remain in denial and fawn or submit as copying mechanism. That would have been the only way he could have mentally survived TWO PEOPLE controlling him at once against his own emotions ever since he was a BABY.

I’d say its a reality check on THIS caliber that made Félix pull a 180 regarding his attitude towards Adrien - again, most likely through Nathalie (who I think would be the most logical person for Adrien now to choose to tell his secret Identity to if he needs help in managing to keep his secret save from his father) and SHE would get Félix involved because he’s aware of Gabriel, has the peacock miraculous and KNOWS what pain Sentihumans go through. But honestly, anything in this direction is guessing into pitch darkness lol.

I have so, SO much more to say on how the control of Sentihumans works but especially Adrien’s unique case of him having TWO objects. I’ve been analysing the Agreste houshold in this regard since around the beginning of s4, but that definitely deserves its own massive post(s) the same way Kagami’s abuse via amok ring (which she got to wear ever since AFTER her debut episode “Riposte”) deserves it own post seperated from Félix’ and this one here.

This is getting SO interesting, I’m LIVING for this scale of fucked up story telling! I just wished we would get it in the right chronological order so I can look at it with all the NEEDED context, Gloob, come ON!

#ml #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #Ml emotion spoilers #ml emotion #Ml Emotion disclaimer #ml Felix #felix fathom #ml protection #adrien agreste #gabriel agreste #Kagami Tsurugi #Colt Fathom #ml child abuse #ml theory #ml analysis #keeping up with the agrestes #ml Sentichildren #Adrien Felix and Kagami are Sentihumans #get over it please #ml season 5 #ml spoilers #ml Argos

[jawritter]

If It’s Meant to Be

Part 6

Summary: Bad things happen to good people, that’s just the rule of thumb. But sometimes, things happen for a reason, and that reason is so you can find the person you’re meant to be with…

Pairing: Alpha!Beau Arlen x Omega!Reader

Warnings: 18 + ONLY!!! ANGST!!! Multiple View Points

Word Count: 2040

A/N: This fic is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Enjoy!

My Masterlist          Series Masterlist

Beau’s POV: 

Beau rested his head against the cold glass of the passenger side window he was sitting next to, his gaze unfocused on the greenery flying by ahead of him. Everything around him was nothing but a blur, a long, agonizing blur. He’d stopped drinking heavily when he moved to Montana, but tonight, if he survived this shift, he was going to give his past, ‘recovered’ self, a run for his money. 

The day had been no short of hell itself, as he expected it to be. He was pretty sure that everyone in the Goddamn department knew that he’d not claimed Y/N. 

He thought he’d been able to hide behind the mountain of paperwork he’d had to work through in his office all day, but of course, some fucking asshole had to do a hit and run in the description of the car that Beau and Jenny had been tracking for weeks, presumably, it was connected with some cartel that had moved its way into town from New York. So therefore, he had to respond in person, because he didn’t really trust Jenny to do something stupid if she decided to go alone. This was just fucking perfect. Icing on the cake of a total shit day. One that apparently didn’t seem to have an end in sight. 

“You know, if you’re not up to this I can take you back to the station and just bring Pop with me,” Jenny offered again, taking her eyes off the road momentarily to stare at Beau with a concerned look on her face. She’d never heard him so quiet. It scared her. At first, she thought he was just angry at her, and he knew that is what she thought, but honestly, he was past angry, and just didn’t feel like talking about his feelings to anyone. Now he was pretty sure she was just fucking scared he’d gone into some sort of pining sickness. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure that he hadn’t, but seeing as there was nothing he could do about, there was no point in worrying about it. It’s not like he could change things, make them better. He just had to live with it until that little piece of Alpha that thought he’d found hope in Y/N died, just like he did the night Carla left, and took his pup with him. 

“Beau!” Jenny yelled this time, and he jumped, looking at her with wide, confused eyes and she set her lips in a hard, disapproving line as her eyes bore back into his. “You know, fuck it, I’m taking you back to the station, you’re not—”

“I’m fucking fine, we’re almost there anyway, just… let’s just get this over with.” Beau bit back, and she narrowed her eyes at him again before bringing her gaze back to the road ahead of her. 

“Beau, your mind’s clearly not on this, that’s dangerous, something could happen to you when you’re not paying attention fully to what’s going on around you. You’re not even really in any shape to be at work today.”

“I said I'm fine,” Beau growled threateningly as he turned his gaze back towards the road ahead of him and leaned his head back against the window. 

“I can tell you’re not fine Beau, but whatever, be stubborn. If you get hurt, then it’s on you. I offered you a way out. In more ways than one.”

“Excuse me?” Beau questioned, head shooting off of the window as if he’d been tased to glare at the blonde woman sitting next to him. “What do you mean, ‘in more ways than on’?”

“How do you think Y/N knew you were in rut? Or that you needed her? I went to Tonya’s Diner and I told her, if I had not, you’d be feral or dead right now.”

Beau saw red, he’d never been so angry. No amount of anger management, grief counseling, or fucking therapy could have calmed him down. He’d never had a woman on his punch list before, but he was pretty sure she’d just made it. 

“You what?” he growled as Jenny pulled up to the scene of the accident and put the vehicle in park. 

“You weren’t going to get any better,” Jenny said stubbornly. “So I went to Tonya’s restaurant, and I told her you were in rut, and that she’d triggered it. Ultimately it was her decision to go to you, but still, I think she had the right to know.”

Beau’s hands were shaking as he reached for the door handle, his nostrils flared heavily with each breath, and honestly, he probably looked a little insane. 

“You know, you really need to learn how to mind your own Goddamn business. I didn’t ask for your help. I didn’t ask you to send that girl to me. I didn’t ask for an Omega. Next time you decide to help, don’t.”

Before she could argue with him, Beau jerked the car door open, and stepped out onto the road, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself, making a mental note to ride home with another deputy. Had she not butted in, he wouldn’t have to feel what he was feeling right now. He wouldn’t have had to make the decision’s he’d made. 

Y/N’s POV:

“Jesus Donno, I’m so sorry,” Y/N apologized for what felt like the thousandth time just in one day. 

“It’s okay Y/N,” Donno reassured her on the other end of the phone. “You had a lot coming at you when you left last, and this morning when you got here was no better. It was a simple mistake. I can correct it.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any better though, I should have checked it this morning before I left. When I get back to work tomorrow, I’ll stay an hour later and help you set up the breakfast prep for the next day off the clock to make up for it.”

“No you will not,” he argued, an air of finality in his voice. “You work too much as it is, take a few days off on us, recover from what that so-called Alpha did, and in a few days, come back to work when you’re feeling up to it. Your job will be here, and I’m seriously not worried about the prep work, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t losing it, and that I really didn’t have it done and not just misplaced a pan of biscuits or something.”

“You’re sane as you always were Donno,” she chuckled on her breath at the thought of Donno in comparison to sanity. “It was my mistake.”

“Again, no worries, I’ll call back and check in a few days to see if you’re able to come into work. In the meantime, get some rest Y/N,” he insisted. “You work and stress too much.”

“Scouts honor,” she said before disconnecting the call, and laying the phone down on the table with an exhausted huff. 

Truth be told, there would be no resting for her. 

When she’d gotten home from the restaurant, she’d cried until she just had nothing left to cry, only making it from the front door to the couch. She was mourning. She was mourning the Alpha that had rejected her so cruelly after he’d used her for his rut. She was mourning the pup that would now never be. She was just gutted from the whole thing. 

Then once she’d cried all she could cry, she picked herself up off of the couch, and forced herself into a shower in an attempt to get his scent off of her skin. She’d succeeded mostly. Still, if she breathed deep enough, she was sure she could smell him still. Like he was embedded into every fiber of her being. 

She thought that if she could get his scent off of her skin, then the extreme heaviness in her chest would go away, and she wouldn’t feel as if her whole house were sitting in the center of her chest, making it difficult to even breathe sometimes. The Anxiety and the heaviness that was there though did not dissipate with his scent though, cause it seemed to be getting heavier, and she started to become more anxious the longer she sat alone on her couch, staring at the phone that she’d placed on her coffee table moments ago. 

Even through the grieving, she’d been angry with Beau since she’d pulled away from his trailer with her shattered heart somewhere in her gut. She was angry that he’d used her. She was fucking furious that he’d had the audacity to bring her that pill. She was so, so mad, and so brokenly hurt. Still, as the minute hand clicked by on the clock hanging opposite her on the wall, the more she started to feel like something was very, VERY wrong. Like something really bad had happened. 

If she had to describe it, it was as if someone in the corner of the room had whispered, and she’d heard it, but no matter how hard she listened, she couldn’t distinguish what they were saying, but she knew they were asking for help. Then, when she turned, no one was there. It was creepy, and it made her skin crawl. 

It didn’t help that every time she closed her eyes, even for a moment, all she could see was those emerald eyes staring back at her the way they were when she’d left them there in his trailer. 

So no, there would be no rest for the weary, not today, probably not tonight or tomorrow either. 

She was just about to get up and go to try and make herself eat something, thinking it might help with the pit that she felt in her stomach, even though she wasn’t at all hungry, when the phone rang, making her jump off of the couch as if someone had yelled ‘clear!’ and hit her with a set of paddles. 

Normally, if it was a number she didn’t recognize, she just ignored it, but since she was so on edge, she answered it on only the second ring, afraid that if she didn’t, then it would only driver her mad thinking that it was the one call that she should have answered, but didn’t, cause that’s just how anxiety works, and now she’d never know because she didn’t answer. 

“Hello,” she half yelled breathily into the phone, her hand placed over her racing heart in an attempt to slow it. 

“Hello? Ms. Y/L/N?” the female voice on the other line responded, and for a moment, she thought she was about to get another notice on the extended warranty on a car she didn’t even own, so she rolled her eyes dramatically at her own overreaction as she flopped back down on the couch, even more annoyed and upset with herself that she already was. 

“Yes, this is she,” Y/N continued, committed by the fact that she’d already picked up the phone, might as well let it play out. 

“This is Connie, from Helena General. Beau Arlen was shot today in the line of duty. Jenny told me that you were his Omega.”

Just like that, the floor felt as if it had fallen out from under her, and had she not been sitting, she would have fallen on her ass. 

“Sh… He’s been shot?” she stuttered out finally. “Is he okay? Is he alive? How bad is it?”

“Calm down Ms. Y/L/N, he’s alive, but I can’t discuss the nature of his injuries on the phone, I need you to come to the hospital.”

For a split second, Y/N thought about just hanging up on her. Beau had abandoned her, rejected her so cruelly. Maybe he deserved the same fate. Maybe she should just walk away. Whatever happens to him, well, he deserved it. But then, there was this gut-wrenching feeling that just wouldn’t let her do it. It just wouldn’t let her abandon him the way he’d abandoned her. 

“I’m on my way.”

Forever:

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Jensen and Dean’s Babes

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#it's meant to be #beau alren #beau arlen x reader #alpha beau arlen x omega reader #alpha beau arlen #omega reader #abo #abo dynamics #beau arlen series #jensen ackles #big sky #jawritter

[lil-vibes]

i would die if you wrote anything expanding on that post about chuuya being taken over by baki and just floating all over the place and speaking with an echo until he gets to dazai at the ADA office - that was a great idea, very cool

yooo thanks man !!!

here you go, a little more brainworms regarding that au!

• when Baki wakes up in a back alleyway and tries to stand up they overdo it and snap Chuuya's spine in the process. they try to walk and all of a sudden they are on the ground with mild pains from the vessel' legs. they aren't sure how a human body works, so for now they decide to just float.

• Baki, in my hc, is very curious for just about everything because it's quite rare that they 'view' the world through a humans' eyes

• piggybacking off of that, i think that they'd have trouble expressing their thoughts in the beggining (speaking in short, sometimes conflicting/unfinished sentences) because using human vocal cords without snapping them is difficult and also words have changed since the last time they were actively using them. Ranpo just chucks a dictionary at them and they absolutely ABSORB every word

• i also think that they'd want to sword fight with both Fukuzawa and Golden Demon/ Kouyou for fun

• they can make Dazai float and he just about gives up on life ( something something 'your human existence can not deny mine' yeah me thinks)

• i personally think that theyd be slightly more chill than expected, however when they get upset, or emotions generally run high, the control over the body begings to wobble. some examples of that being:

- the overlapping voices are the most common ones. they are a mass manifested through war and suffering and vengeance, thus Baki has to be extremely careful of how loud they speak because there's a great chance that someone's eardrums will explode.

- corruption markings are a damn near permanent fixture on Chuuya's skin, more so to help remind everyone that this isn't Chuuya in control right now (Dazai is constantly stressed about it, and has to consistently tell himself that it's fine), but they tend to grow and glow and move around like they are alive too, as if also taking offence that Baki is agitated. they also burn if touched directly

- people around an Agitated Baki feel like they are about to poof out of existence simply by being too close. Mori nearly dies once because Baki can see his general soul and is not pleased. it kinda feels like your blood suddenly starts running the other way, or your like heart is beating backwards and double in speed. not fun !

- sometimes birds fly into the windows. maybe the sky tints red, maybe there is ringing in the ears, static in the brain of those around them. maybe looking at Chuuya's form hurts a little, burns a little, blurs around the edges. what were his features again? what color were his eyes? his hair?

• Baki loves Chuuya and learning all about him :] ( "and his name? what is his name? we would love to know who our vessel is."

"it's Chuuya Nakahara.."

the entity thinks, hums for a bit, vibrations making the lights swim around it, then pleased, it smiles "hmm Chuuya... it suits him a lot" )

• disregarding stormbringer for a moment, when asked how exactly one traps a being like it, Baki kindly informs them that there are runes carved into every bone inside Chuuya. yes, they do mean every single one.

• also, and that's a little.... gruesome, but it's a misconception that Baki and Chuuya share only a consciousness. "it's like that most of the time, but right now what you are looking at is ... ah, let's say, our clothes. we are woven in-between his skin and bones and every blood vessel, but also we are separate. it's like a hand pupet? we are under his skin :)"

• Baki absolutely says unhinged things like its normal

• they also find it funny to tease Ranpo because they recognise just how smart of a human he is but also he's just that to them. a human

• i also have this scene when someone complains about the sun or something so Baki just,,, shifts either the Earth or the Sun a bit so that it's not shining directly at the person. everyone FREAKS abt this btw

• Baki also loves the Akutagawas and Kouyou bc Chuuya loves them :]

some skk things bc i love them:

• Baki tells Dazai, hand pressed against his heart, looking him dead in the eyes with that slightly unhinged expression "no wonder you hold onto warm things, for you have been warm once, then never again. no wonder you seek to be warm again" and Dazai just has to go through his day after that

• okay last thing off of the top of my head, but somehow they (the ada) get into the topic of worship and Baki casually drops that yes! they get prayers sometimes but nothing even begins to compare to the feeling of the worship from their most devoted person. naturally everyone wants to know who that is, and Baki tilts their head a little and then points to a Very Confused Dazai (Ranpo and Kunikida are exhanging money in the backround btw).

("but... i don't worship the hat rack?? what?"

"oh, but that can't be" they sway a little from their perch on Dazai's desk, appearing as if deep in thought. after the day, Dazai knows better. "but we can distinctly recal feeling a sort of warmth from you. say, how do you define worship? because it can be food offerings too. or thoughts about us or even just the pure, unrelenting faith that as long as you believe in us, your wish will be made into existence"

Dazai blinks at them, stunned.

"so now, has your answer changed?" )

• LAST one. Ranpo asks them if Dazai has ever nullified corruption with a kiss and Baki is like we think so? but Dazai denies that hard. Baki counters by saying that every place where 'coruption' has been nullified burns to this day. twice on left the wrist, once at the forearm. once at the right hand, once at the cheek, and once ot the lips. Dazai may or may not work harder to resolve the issue after that (he's never gonna beat the gay accusations)

(end of skk things hh)

• when it's time to surrender themselves back to Chuuyas will, Baki tells the ada + the Akutagawas and Kouyou, that when their time finally comes, when Chuuya is either one of them or dust in the wind, they will remember the kindness they have experienced. that they will live forever in the mind of a god

• Chuuya is so, so confused after waking up

#bro i didnt meant to go on a whole rant my bad #i never expected someone to ask abt this so thank you #i hope this was good enough ! [shaking and crying in social anxiety] #i have a lot of body horror in mind for what this Being can be like in battle but i also love comfort so here we are #kyouka takes baki out for crepes after a while #in this au dazai and mori are Stressed but for different reasons #i think that baki laughs once and dazai has a heart attack bc thats CHUUYAS laugh and WOW!!! he hasnt heard that in 3 years!! #i have such a vague plot that i spin around in my head before falling asleep #and it DOES involve adam and verlaine #arahabaki!chuuya #arahabaki #chuuya my love #writing promt #bsd #skk #bsd ada #pebbles (me) is being plagued by thoughts again #anon ask #my hc #personal hc #chuuya nakahara

[wonhuihonwuiii]

lantern night — yoon jeonghan

SYNOPSIS: On a night festive with lanterns, Jeonghan and Emeiko felt the pull of flickering lights and intertwining hearts. How will their encounter unfold under the mesmerizing spell of the lantern-lit night?

PAIRING: yoon jeonghan x oc au

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

The moment we set foot on the open grounds, my friends released breaths of amazement. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Vernon spoke softly.

“Wait until the lanterns are lit up later,” I replied with a soft smile on my face.

No other words were exchanged between us, as my friends breathlessly took in the view.

“Should we go buy our lanterns now?” Seungkwan broke the silence.

We all nodded and headed in the direction of the store. 

As someone who had grown relatively familiar with the lantern festival, I let my friends buy their respective lanterns first, making me the last in line. 

However, I failed to take notice of the growing flock just beside me. The next thing I knew, I was alone, separated from my friends.

I took out my phone and attempted to make a call but as expected, there was no signal in such a hidden place. 

So I had to resort to bringing my friends back together only through my wandering eyes and booming voice. 

Suddenly, I was on a venture, admiring the lanterns everyone seemed to have held dearly.

As if entranced by the harmonious aura, the task of finding my friends had been long forgotten. Instead, I made my way around the swarm of people, gripping my light source tightly.

It seemed to have been an effective tactic. 

Not until I felt a tug, urging me to halt.

Not until I caught sight of the strings of my lantern entangled with that of another. 

I pulled, expecting the small action to do the job of untangling my strings with the stranger. 

Yet I was faced with a slight force in my direction. I finally faced the man who I had been pulling strings with.

To my surprise, he was already looking at me.

The man, who could easily be described as good-looking, seemed to embody what I would imagine an angel to resemble. 

Even with the tired glint in his eyes, no one could deny the beauty he possessed. 

I was snapped out of my trance when a voice spoke. “Do you want to?” He said while motioning to our tangled strings.

No other words were needed because we both knew that it took effort from both of us to set free of our lanterns. 

So we did.

Amid the crowd, there stood 2 strangers, untying unintentionally made knots in complete silence. 

After what felt like hours, the task was finally done. It was just in time for releasing the lanterns.

I was about to give my thank you but the loud bell overpowered my small voice. 

Midnight.

I unknowingly had a smile on my face but just when I was about to set my lantern free, its strings snapped before I could even light it. 

I released a small breath of disappointment, thinking about how nothing seemed to be going right tonight. 

Not only did I lose my friends in the crowd but I no longer had time to even go back in store for a new lantern.

I may have not been doing a good job of hiding my disappointment because I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder.

It was the stranger next to me, who had previously entangled his lantern strings with mine. 

He motioned to his own as if he were offering the now-lit lantern to me. 

I gave him a raised eyebrow, to which he responded with a slight nod. 

“Are you sure?” I asked softly and he nodded back.

So I took the lantern from his hold, looking at the light source in admiration. 

No longer wanting to waste any more time, I pulled the strings of the lantern, releasing it into the night sky. 

We were yet again faced with utter silence, both of us admiring the now-bright sky.

Similar to the previous years, I was having the time of my life. Everyone was. Or I at least thought so. 

If only I had not looked in the direction of my companion tonight at that exact moment, I would have missed the sad glint in his eyes.

It was gone as soon as it arrived.

It made me wonder what made him appear so gloomy on such a festive night.

I wanted to ask however before I could even find my voice to speak, he beat me to it.

“I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years tonight. You could only guess what her response was.” He laughed bitterly. 

I had no words to say so I was glad when he spoke again. “It was a dream we both had to attend the Lantern Festival together. Every year we would try but something would always get in the way. 3 years later, we’re finally here.”

“You could quit pretending, you know?” I spoke softly.

He seemed taken aback by my words, “Excuse me?”

“Never been rejected nor have I turned a proposal down so I might not know exactly what you’re going through but I’m sure it hurts like hell.” Despite looking at the lanterns above, I could feel his eyes flicker in my direction with what I assumed to be filled with amusement.

“You don’t have to keep smiling to show that you’re okay when you aren’t,” I concluded. 

From my peripheral, I could see him shake his head lightly, as he looked at the sky too. “Wouldn’t that be unfair though? Everyone here waited months for this beautiful experience. Seeing someone sad would ruin the moment for them.”

I released a sigh. “Doesn’t that make things unfair for you as well? You were rejected by someone who you envisioned the future with yet you couldn’t even express how you truly feel.”

It was silent for what almost felt like forever until I heard his soft voice again.

“I was about to take my leave though.”

“Hmm?” I asked, my eyes still stuck to the lanterns. 

He spoke. “I was rushing because I no longer wanted to be here by midnight. It felt wrong for sadness to fill up my heart when everyone here is having the time of their lives.”

He kept going. “There’s just something so romantic about being in a lantern festival, you know? From having to personally pick out your lanterns together to lighting and eventually releasing our flickers of hope into the night sky. 

And then, you watch it join the countless others, dancing in light and shadow. It may sound selfish but I refuse to go through that alone when my intention for even being here was to tie strings with her. 

The experience just sounds so magical that pushing through with it today seems inappropriate. Its glow is a reminder of the love that once illuminated our lives.” He said so softly that I could quite literally hear both the love and sadness laced in his voice. 

“I beg to differ,” I responded, making brief eye contact with a slight smile.

“What?” He asked, with a raised brow.

I diverted my attention back to the lanterns before speaking again. “I see why one can easily attribute the Lantern Festival to a sense of union between two lovers but it isn’t all about that. 

Its gentle glow brings comfort and solace to the loneliest souls. It’s a reminder that a flicker of warmth can always be found, even in the coldest of nights. 

As you release your lantern into the night sky, it feels like letting fragments of yourself free, releasing your worries, fears, and doubts into the vast expanse above.” I ended, just when our lanterns were no longer within birds-eye view.

He chuckled a bit. “That’s quite a unique perspective to have, considering how we’re mostly surrounded by couples.”

“Are we? Or is it because you’ve only made yourself aware of the couples around and not the lost souls?” I asked finally making eye contact with the stranger while motioning to the many solo goers around us. 

I released another sigh. “Look, I don’t want to seem like I’m intruding considering how you got your heart broken minutes ago but my only point is that it’s okay to be a lonely lost soul. Do you know why the festival begins at midnight? Because people see it as some sort of time reset. An opportunity to start anew.”

It was silent for a few minutes until he spoke again. “I can’t. It’s too early for that. I gave you my lantern not just because yours broke but because I’m not ready to let mine go.”

That’s when it hit me. He didn’t release any lanterns tonight. 

I looked him in the eye again. “Then keep coming back. Until you’re ready to cast your lantern – whether it be with a significant other or alone. But for now, think of tonight as a starting point for your healing journey from the things you choose not to talk about.”

How are you so certain that there are things I hide about myself?” He asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“You just don’t seem like the sharing type.” I shrugged.

“How are you sure? You don’t know me.” He spoke defensively.

“I don’t but your eyes speak a thousand emotions.” I said finally making eye contact again

“You don’t have to worry. What was shared tonight stays here. It isn’t like we’ll cross paths ever again, right? It was nice talking to you, stranger.” I gave him a warm smile and proceeded to make my leave, finally catching sight of my friends.

“Wait! What’s your name?” He shouted.

I looked at his curious gaze and gave a small shrug before proceeding to walk away.

What a night.

#kpop #seventeen #svt #jeonghan #seventeen x oc #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan x oc #svt jeonghan #svt jeonghan x oc #svt au

[dirtbra1n]

well since you obviously said it isn't a trap! what are your thoughts on hirano and sasaki :)

so it was a trap in the end. surprise! it’s just that it was supposed to be like a pit trap and it still is one just stupid deep. I’ve been in this pit for so long. sorry for leaving you waiting. it’s been ruminating for this long now and my thoughts aren’t organized to begin with so we Might as well just get on with it

tldr Tfw you and your best friend are queer at the same time and are sort of constantly orbiting around one another about it in weird liminal space where you’re simultaneously telling each other everything but never saying something

so I don’t know if you’ve gotten the chance to read the sasamiya first years novel yet highly recommend it Sound of the summer. but there was. like. an unprecedented amount of stuff in there that gutted me. like the last chapter. here’s the chapter image by the way

psychological warfare on me specifically. just Look I’ll bold the highlights:

He wants to pull himself up, I thought. He just hasn’t found anything to give him that push.

Not that it was any business of mine.

“Sun’s pretty high in the sky by now. There shouldn’t be any direct sunlight on your desk this time of day,” I said. “You came all the way to school. As long as you have the chance to make the effort, why not make it?”

With that encouragement, Sasaki got to his feet, swaying slightly. As I watched him brush the dust off his uniform, I decided to suggest to the Disciplinary Committee that we should make sure this area got swept periodically. We wouldn’t want any part of the school, even one off-limits to students, to look grimy.

“Mmm… Well, I guess I could handle one worksheet. If you’ll help me, Hirano.” The way he still seemed completely harmless was almost funny.

“Yeah, I’ll help you. If you really have it with you. If you don’t, then go talk to the teacher and get another copy before lunch is over.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I almost cracked a smile at the sense of friendliness he exuded. “You should only say ‘yeah’ once. Break’s over in five minutes, you know. You could stand to look like you’re sweating it a little.”

This time, Sasaki drew it out into a single “yeeeah.” He started down the stairs, and I fell into step beside him. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out.

“You?” he said, apparently not expecting that at all.

I was surprised to discover I felt a rush of embarrassment. I kept my eyes determinedly forward. “It’s a pain in the ass not being able to get ahold of you.” It felt funny, looking after a guy my own age like this, but I couldn’t stop myself. I figured getting Sasaki’s contact info now would make it easier if I needed something with him in the future.

Sasaki Shuumei.

My first impression was that he did things by the seat of his pants. My second—that he was a lot of trouble.

for my own peace of mind. will largely copy-paste what I’ve already said

like. how else do I say that this feels like. pre-romance. you’d think it’s WEIRD for these two. but there’s still that feeling. that hirano feels drawn to look after sasaki in like EXACTLY the same way he felt drawn to look after kagi. the like. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out. sasaki sweeping dust off himself and hirano getting the idea to suggest the disciplinary committee sweep EVERYWHERE. with that underlying feeling of I don’t want you to get dirty. seeing where sasaki is, not wanting to move forward, and wanting (quietly, subconsciously) to help him with it. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.

like what’s WITH that. why does it FEEL LIKE THAT

like part of it totally is the whole I have feelings for you I have feelings for you too (the feeling they’re both feeling is friendship) but it’s ALSO. ITS SOMETHING ELSE TOO. and it’s SO interesting to bite into because this novel like. very suddenly threw at us this different angle at which to view the relationships we’re already familiar with. and without even knowing it hirano and sasaki’s friendship—which was ALREADY liable to tear me asunder—was actually EVEN MORE LOADED with things to blow my dick clean off No don’t leave that in.

like we knew already that hirano’s this diligent kind of guy, but he gets this task that he feels is absolutely not his fucking job (tell sasaki to turn in a worksheet) and then he, like. gets pissy about it Yeah but also takes it exactly as seriously as you’d EXPECT him to. he complains about not feeling full at lunch even on a regular gym day, but he ate fast to have more time. to look for sasaki. he looked in every typical playing-hooky kind of space in the school, physically moving up the school, floor by floor, as he searched. and then he’s out of places. except for the school roof, which is locked, but he gets suspicious and goes to check anyway.

Ogasawara said Sasaki hates the heat. From that perspective, the stairway looked like a cozy hole in the ground.

I pushed aside the whiteboard proclaiming that the roof was for “authorized personnel only” and took a hesitant step onto the stairs. I worked my way up to the landing, doing my damnedest not to make a sound. I turned and saw someone.

“There you are!” I sighed.

Sasaki was at the uppermost part of the staircase. The door to the roof was indeed locked, and the only window that let any light in was far away. Sasaki was sitting in a shadowy spot, leaning against the cool wall, listening to music.

“Oh,” he said, his eyes drifting open. His ya-caught-me expression seemed out of place on the dusty staircase. It was the disinterested reaction of a guy who just didn’t care about school.

“The hell are you doing here?” I said. Had he really been sitting there all day? Didn’t his butt get sore?

Sasaki slid off his headphones and gave me a questioning look. “Er, Hirano, right? Whatcha need?”

He remembers my name? That surprised me. Maybe my golden hair gave it away.

“What do I need? To tell you that you have to turn in a worksheet for Modern Literature today. You’re the only one who hasn’t.”

Only then did it occur to me that it would have been far more efficient just to have Ogasawara send him a text. I’d been asked to tell him to turn in the worksheet, but I wasn’t ordered to collect it from him. Still, it was true that I was concerned about his “flying by the seat of his pants” approach to life. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.

and really when you read the entire chapter with this understanding of its Weirdness you’ll notice all these various ways hirano has noticed things about sasaki (“No wonder he always seemed to be eating bread at lunch.”) and it’s just like. Where do we go from here.

and then you look at early hirakagi and sasaki’s subtitle is “The Classmate” and it’s BEWILDERINGLY FUNNY

like this is hysterical to me. you share this strangely intimate moment with this guy you feel drawn to look after despite everything and then after that he’s not even your friend yet.

we see what the beginning of their friendship looks like, we see how invested hirano is in sasaki’s just. everything! we see how much he sees sasaki (apathetic, placid, a couple steps from delinquency, though he’s not moving towards it) and we see how much he WANTS sasaki to get past it!!! and then they aren’t even friends yet. because hirano is unbeatably weird about his relationships with all people. what the hell is wrong with you hirano taiga. I love you.

AND THAT ISN’T EVEN GETTING INTO THE WAY SASAKI GETS ABOUT HIRANO.!!!!! because just. god I think the reason I was putting this off is because it makes me want to cry. We all remember this scene right

because I remember. think I could probably get whacked over the head with a fire extinguisher, get amnesia’d, and still remember this scene in blinding detail. have I said already that I’m insane. I went on this big long tangent in sunnnfish’s tags about it one time, and I’m gonna quote myself on that:

the way sasaki who even now at this point in time is generally apathetic and walled off from emotion / who is walking with a friend of his who also generally isn’t much for externalizing how he feels / sees an aspect of that friends life that he hardly sees / and thus sees an aspect of that FRIEND he hardly sees / and that aspect is. it’s so. / like i’m losing my grip on this framing / sasaki knows hirano to be kind of a hardass and stick in the mud / and all of a sudden out of nowhere hirano is like Head back without me and sasaki / who until that moment hadn’t been paying attention. had therefore been observing and feeling nothing / looks up and sees. hirano doing something so (to sasaki) UN-hiranolike / because of kagi. and sasaki has to notice that. because he and hirano are friends. and sasaki is someone who notices things

the much shorter quote that sums up my feelings on this scene just about as well is as follows: LIKE GOD. LOOK AT SASAKI’S EYES. YOU GET WHAT I MEAN / DON’T YOU?

like you. I have to collect myself this is so embarrassing I hate you sasaki shuumei….. <- lie YOU GET THESE PIECES AND START PUTTING THEM TOGETHER. that their friendship started at the top of a stairwell that was kind of like a cozy hole in the ground, and hirano saw the sasaki there that was kind of just. not in a place to care! and he reached out to him in his pissy hardass way and asked shyly for his number and agreed to help with his work and started this process that got sasaki to. HERE!!!! they weren’t friends until somehow someway sometime they were and when hirano tells sasaki to go back without him he placidly agrees until he sees what hirano is doing and he gets this look in his eyes and it’s. I think I subconsciously know to avoid talking about sasaki because I can’t ever help but get unbearably emotional.

they’re just

they’re friends. and they care about each so much and the jump from their first year first-contact fucking. rendezvous in the stairwell leading to the roof, where it’s just them two in a place where neither of them is supposed to be, where hirano still resolves to keep it clean. which could mean nothing. to their second year where you can just look at sasaki’s eyes and glean something beyond words that has permanently ruined my life. to their third year where they’re so easy and comfortable and hirano smiles easily and with affection and sasaki has grown into someone who would be a stranger to first year hirano, but not an unwelcome one. you just. you have to get it! you have to understand!

so hey. we’ve made it this far in. right? we have. so can I please just

hirano sees sasaki, wants to help him despite being the same age -> sasaki, two years later, undeniably friends with this guy who he can be deeply himself with, wants help with something, sees hirano, notices how focused in on his own work he is, probably puzzles together how worn out he’s gotta be, and resolves not to ask for it.

we’ve made it this far in together, right? so I’ll do you the favor of not drawing this comparison to kagi even though I kind of want to, both for your sake but mostly for mine. because it might kill me to put those words together and I need to wipe my eyes AGAIN I HATE YOU SASAKI SHUUMEI!!!!!!!! <- liar

but there’s this thing that is so so evident through hirakagi specifically where you see sasaki seeing something and resolving to hold onto it for hirano’s sake. sasaki sees how worn out hirano is and refuses to put more stress on him. sasaki sees hirano interacting with roommate-kun and makes up his mind to keep as many of those details from miyano as possible.

he just cares. sasaki just cares.

so now this If you thought I was being weird before. man. let me quote myself again

like. it . these two. it almost feels like sasaki is thinking about miyano just to remind you that the weirdness here is totally Not something we should be latching onto. like sasaki SHOULD know already that miyano would NOT want him hunching over. but how else would we get THIS

what is with sasaki and hirano and this FEELING.

sasaki’s own line of ellipses. I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

WHAT IS WITH SASAKI AND HIRANO AND THIS FEELING.

@sunnnfish comments here on the liminality, “a special space where time and space feel weird. Almost like it shouldn’t exist”

a couple steps to the left

like sasaki and miyano.. they don’t really get all that many liminal moments. and hirano and kagi get their moments but they’re like. MOMENTS. but sasaki and hirano…… every one of them, it feels like, when they’re alone, just the two of them. every one of them has that liminal feeling where everything’s weird, and you’re speaking around this impossible SOMETHING in your mouth, sat on your tongue, not going anywhere, and your words come out sort of jumbled for it. your brain tunes it out, thoughts about this and that, anything else, but the busyness just serves to emphasize that space on your tongue that is being taken up by….. whatever it is. like an x-ray, what’s being seen through and what isn’t.

…

like this moment where it’s just them and liminality is inescapable, they HAVE to talk about roommate-kun and he HAS to think about miyano. they have to. just a couple steps to the left, but this isn’t that. Oh. But Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

I’m a rotten husk, if you couldn’t tell. going to take one more second on that FUCKING. LINE because there’s something about it to me.

S: You of all people?

H: Huh?

S: Oh, no…

S: ………

S: I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

his demeanor, his nine point ellipses, scratching the back of his head. then he thinks about kagi and draws the comparison. I’m gonna be sick I think actually

and then sunnnfish threw a right hook re: recontextualizing hirano’s They really have gotten close… …… Well, I guess there’s nothing wrong with that.

SF: … it’s like. In our canon universe that Not shifted a little to the left Hirano watches Sasaki evolve so much. Because of Miyano. Sasaki rather suddenly became such a close friend of his who he actively wants to see get better and find purpose and he sees him find that. At least a little. Even though he’s still apathetic he has more pep in his step. And there’s something there in all of that too. Just. Watching your best friend fall in love and change. That’s like it’s own kind of fucked up. Especially considering on some level he wanted to be the one to help sasaki. But he’s also happy that sasaki seems happier. I’m getting lost in the sauce I feel

DB: NO YEAH YOURE GETTING ME THERE

so I’ll drag back the tldr. sasaki and hirano have a really queer friendship and it’s a pang through the heart if you’re at all like me. number one secret third thing of my heart, because they’re actually really mundane and their friendship is so liminal and. look when I say. okay I’m gonna say something. their friendship is kind of romantic. just not necessarily in a romantic way. okay? all right.

one last. Let me sort of quote myself one last time I promise

sasaki too this GUY…. like of course I like the sasaki sasaki is with miyano. he’s everything to me even. but I think part of this secret third thing with hirano is like. the clear shot of the sasaki that. well not everyone sees him this way, tashiro thinks he’s scary. and ogasawara is gonna have a different view of him too because they’ve known each other for a few years now. but hirano went looking for him—when he realized HIMSELF that he literally could have just had ogasawara SEND HIM A TEXT—he went looking for him and found him in that stairwell that he was NOT supposed to be in and spoke to him, like he was maybe SUPPOSED to, and he sees this clear shot of the sasaki that is so. quiet friendly lonely and kind, a little timid and reclusive and aimless but not for lack of WANTING to pull himself up. this sasaki. and hirano gets a little short with him but he also wants to help him, wants to help pull him up, or at least help him WANT to pull himself up, wants to look after him

they’re weird and they care about each other so so so so sooooo so much because they’re friends. and sometimes they’re weird about each other. which is super normal. but as much as I’m waving my hands around clarifying this and that I’m standing by my initial statement with the stairwell. that was a really romantic framing. all right? okay.

I’m giving you a ladder out of the pit trap now. thank you very much for asking you’re a real good sport for that

#so. Yeah! #finishing this hmmmm. juuust about half an hour before it’s sasaki’s birthday for me #so we’ll call it his birthday present even though he’d hate it. :) #sasaki shuumei #hirano taiga #novel writer kotoko hachijo. i would love to shake your hand someday… #last touches done. if it’s janked or unreadable or incomprehensible. lets just call that an occupational hazard. okay? all right #belatedly realizing i forgot some tags #askbox #dirtbrain digression #sasahira