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#just struck by people going on the defensive as soon as anyone does some posts compiling no age gap/no age fic
ladamedusoif · 9 months
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Hi! I've just read 20/20 and it's so good👓
May I just say that I admire the way you write not only in general, but also that you write Pedro characters fanfiction without massive age gap? I like those too, but god, there are tons of it and it became sooo hard to find Joel (bc 80% of age gap fics is about Joel) being happy with a woman of his age.
I happen to think more and more lately that older women seem more real, thus more interesting to read - young girls are all pretty with their sexy young bodies, etc., and the older you get, the more insecurities you have, and you believe somebody like Joel or Ben has plenty of options when in fact they probably want somebody to feel comfortable with, somebody who they can laugh with *looks at Lydia*
I guess, sometimes young reader is too perfect. How could real person like me ever compete with that? Imperfect characters are comforting and real (they suffer to make us feel better, they're our heros) and they evoke real feelings, you care about them. That's why I love to read non-age gap work when I see one.
Anyway, sorry for rambling, thank you!!🤍
*throws hearts at you and running away*
First, thank you so much for the lovely words about my writing! Here are some hearts in return: 💜💜💜
Honestly, this kind of ask means the world. I’m so grateful and so honoured.
A warning: this will be a long answer. Sorry!
I genuinely felt emotional when I read your words about my decision to write in a way that is either no/minimal age gap or where the reader’s age isn’t specified (because this is possible, and is arguably far more inclusive for reader insert). I particularly like that you’ve chosen to focus on why older OFCs/reader characters are more interesting, rather than on the extreme age gap trope.
I can’t deny that the age gap trope is the dominant one in this fandom’s fic at the moment - most obviously for Joel, but also for other characters. And I sometimes wonder if Visiting would have more notes and engagement if Lydia was a student, not Ben’s contemporary and perfect equal - intellectually, emotionally, in every way.
But as you say: Lydia has a life, has lived, and is imperfect physically and emotionally, like us all. She’s interesting for all those reasons, and more. That’s why Ben is drawn to her, and she to him. (I sometimes wonder how people would feel if the age gap trope was reversed, with a much older OFC paired with a younger P boy…)
This is also why characters like @fuckyeahdindjarin’s Cee and Sugar, in Seams and Palomino respectively, or @lunapascal’s Andie in Curls, or @julesonrecord’s Eva in Shots, or @iamskyereads Beatrice in Compulsion, or the many other no age gap/no age specified characters and reader inserts in the fanfic are so gorgeously engaging. You get it - they’re real.
They’re not all thin, pert, visions of youth as beauty and beauty as youth. Ageing is a privilege, and it hurts me, really and truly, to see the implication that only youth is attractive in so much of the fanfic in a fandom dedicated to a man who has aged so beautifully.
I know people who have been subjected to anonymous abuse over this issue, which insists they’re just angry old women because “hot celebs won’t fuck you”.
I’m passionate about this for all sorts of reasons. I am more than a little unsettled by the vision of Joel, in particular, as exclusively attracted to much, much younger girls. I sometimes feel that some of the explanations for why age gap is good or better are somewhat problematic (that’s just my opinion, before anyone yells at me, but it’s rooted in experience and the fact that I work with many college-aged people and know the consequences of the age gap fantasy when it hits reality). And there are broader implications for the message being sent to younger readers about ageing, attraction, and female sexuality, which my feminist brain is furious about.
Finally, I am struck by the fact that we often see posts about how the fic world is a broad tent, and that there’s room for everything. Yet when people ask for more fic that doesn’t repeat the age gap trope, or some of us write fics that explicitly avoid that, there’s a reaction against that.
Sigh. You see why you didn’t need to apologise for rambling, for I am a rambling Rose, and endlessly grateful for your kind words and wonderful support. Here’s to a more diverse menu of fic on the dash - the tide does seem to be turning. You may have seen the post that’s been doing the rounds where @tessa-quayle has very helpfully compiled a list of fic that doesn’t involve an age gap or DBF/daddy thing - it’s really good on the need for more diverse reading.
PS: a more general query for the dash: is this such a massive trope in other 40-something male actor fandoms??
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makeste · 3 years
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BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”
Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”
Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.
so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can
OMG FLASHBACK??
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yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions
oh dear
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Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE
EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES
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???
RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!
ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us
?? ??????? ?????????????????????
so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol
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OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!
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A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that
-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect
LMAO
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WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”
oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime
blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI
“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN
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“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh
“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”
“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier
LSDKFJLSDKJFLK
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“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI
(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)
so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”
and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”
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“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas
dsfaelkjldkjgl
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you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??
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this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed
“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim
anyway so back to the unruly mob
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not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap
oh wow the parents are out here too
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is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys
MONOMA
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so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this
anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW
and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/
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it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”
so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez
OH MY GOD
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MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED
OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT
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truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand
“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao
(ETA:
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WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)
“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason
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narrator: they did not listen to reason
oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE
hmm
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this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol
(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)
oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively
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“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako
lol uh
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gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off
SDLFKJSL
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“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”
so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH
OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY
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not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that
-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!
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sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech
never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him
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THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK
“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth
so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol
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beevean · 3 years
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I haven't played TGAA, but I find the double standard in the way Barok is treated vs the way Miles, Fran and the rest of them are treated kind of strange. Barok is supposedly insufferable, plus he's racist and xenophobic. I ain't excusing that, but that's just how 19th century England was.
Miles and Fran have most likely sent innocent people to jail or even landed them the death penalty, simply because they cared more about securing a guilty verdict than actual justice. Godot is a literal murderer, and I've heard some unpleasant things about Simon and Nahyuta as well.
Yet, all (or most of) these characters are redeemed. Barok's biggest crime is...upholding the views of everyone else at the time. And that somehow makes him irredeemable, despite him actually warming up to Ryonosuke later. I'm not saying everyone should like Barok, but if Barok is irredeemable, so is every other prosecutor in AA.
This has been pretty much my point ever since they announced GAA's localization.
Barok is obnoxious, that is undeniable. Nipponese this, Eastern island that, his mocking of Ryuu easily crosses a line that leaves the player uncomfortable, as it should, because if his xenophobia doesn't bother you it says more about you than about the game.
But. Being obnoxious is all he does.
He does not present forged evidence, or use loopholes in court, or coach witnesses, like Edgeworth and Franziska used to do.
He's never ever physically violent against the defense, unlike Franziska, Godot, Simon or Nahyuta - he breaks his own glasses and bottles when frustrated, but he never harms anyone. (it says something that the entire series so far had only three prosecutors who are decent human beings)
His objective as a prosecutor is simply to find the truth. While he pushes very hard to prove the guilt of the defendant, it's clear that it's because he genuinely believes in his case - once Ryuu manages to convince him his theory makes sense, Barok drops most of his hostility and helps him. Unlike Edgeworth pre-heel face turn and Franziska, he couldn't care less about his own record, which means that he never deliberately gambled with the lives of potentially innocent people for his own ego. He is biased towards Ryuu, not only because he's Japanese but also because Barok admits to personally taking his cases even if they're banal, but he's not completely driven by a petty grudge like Godot - like I said, he'll help Ryuu win if he does a good enough job in his book, no matter his personal feelings towards his learned Japanese friend.
Both he and Edgeworth post-heel face turn share the same goal of finding the truth. However, Edgeworth has hurt at least one person in his quest, infamously Adrian Andrews when he threatened to reveal her mental illness in court and even said "if you kill yourself, that is no concern of mine". Compare this with Barok, who has shown himself capable of kindness as soon as his second appearance, when he (spoilers for Case 4 of GAA) subtly implied he would allow Roly Beate to keep his job despite tampering with the crime scene, because he could empathize with the poor man wanting to spend one day with his wife.
He's genuinely competent in his job, relying simply on cold hard logic to dismantle the defense's arguments as a good prosecutor should - to be honest, it may be the different writers, but Klavier, Simon and Nahyuta never struck me as being especially good at their job, with Klavier having to deal with a rather incompetent Apollo in AJ and Simon and Nayhuta happily abusing the old "attacking the defense" and "asking evidence for every word you say" tricks. (to be fair Simon gets to demonstrate his interesting manipulative skills in one case... Turnabout Storyteller, when he's Athena's ally. Also, I can't remember anything particularly horrible he does beyond being an ass like usual, in fact he may be the best prosecutor of the second trilogy)
Speaking of Nahyuta, the reasons I can't stand him while I love Barok are that Nahyuta is nothing but repetitive, unwitty, painfully realistic obnoxiousness propped up by a shallow twist revealed at the tail-end of the game; he has no real character development, because "sowwy guys i was good all along" is not development; he prosecutes simply to win even if it means insisting that a young girl committed murder in spite of the defense's reasonable arguments; there is no in-game justification for shit like him tormenting Athena in Japanifornia, or even him being an asshole in Japanifornia at all; and there's no weight in the realization that he let hundreds of innocent people being sentenced to death while he stood aside to protect his sister (like, that has got to mess you up a bit right? Can you show me that, game?). Barok not only has a much more fleshed out, drawn out backstory that explains most of his behavior (although I have my reservations at tying his racism to One Trauma); not only he slowly (... very slowly) warms up to Ryuu; not only he has humanizing traits like feeling horrible about being branded the Reaper of the Old Bailey, like it would happen to anyone being rumored to be a death bringer; but he is, most important of all, an overdramatic bitch and the contrast between his intimidating demeanor and the shit he pulls behind the bench is infinitely more hilarious than being told for the umpteenth time that you're a putrid lawyer who's going to hell. It doesn't sound like much, but a good AA game masters the art of "love to hate".
You know how Klavier is a base-breaking prosecutor because some consider him too nice? Barok is what happens when you take Klavier's honest, well-meaning demeanor and give him enough presence to be hated and loved at the same time. I completely understand if people find him too annoying (he's testing my own patience lmao), but I still think he is one of the best prosecutors in the series, both as a job and as the role of the rival.
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bmblboop · 3 years
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Struck Like Lightning
    (Contains spoilers for RWBY Volume 4)
Absorb Electricity. He felt something, not an emotion, just a gut-instinct. With everything that had happened; every coincidence that led Nora, that Grimm, and his family to Kuroyuri that night, he knew, somehow, that this phrase on his arm was connected to… something. It must be important.
The following is the introductory chapter to a Semblance-Soulmate AU in which a name or description of someone’s semblance will appear on their soulmate’s skin. The concept of a ‘soulmate’ is discussed in-universe and is treated as less of a one-and-done deal (nothing is 100% predetermined in RWBY). I plan to elaborate more on the Semblance mechanics if I end up finishing more chapters.
I am posting this in commemoration of Renora Week 2021 because this chapter features Ren and Nora! Let me know if you enjoyed it!
The days and weeks after the fall of Kuroyuri allowed Nora and Ren time to readjust and explore new parts of themselves. Ren’s sudden companionship had brought out a new side of Nora; she had someone to talk to, someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone who didn’t judge her or pretend she didn’t exist. Nora often took the lead when following the trails and roads, in hopes of finding them someplace else to stay. That town had never felt like a home to her, but to Ren, it was everything he’d ever known. He was quiet, but observant, and getting better at his newfound abilities, which gave them both a sense of comfort. They didn’t have to fear the dark so long as they had each other.
One restless morning, the two were walking east, caught up in conversation.
“…so that’s why I think I like my hair short. Not that long hair is bad – it just gets tangled up in everything. You’re smart Ren, keeping it tied up like that.”
“-huh?” The sudden praise had caught him off guard.
“You pull hair up to keep it out of your face! I have no patience for that, so that’s why mine is short!”
“Oh, yeah. Do you think we could take a break soon?”
“Sure!” She scanned the treeline for a spot. “Ummm, let’s sit there.”
They made their way to a small boulder under the shade of the trees. Nora climbed up and sprawled on top of it to stare at the sky. Ren sat at the rock’s base and scratched his sleeve. His arm wasn’t itchy, but there was something-
It must have been the light of the fire playing tricks on my eyes he thought. He gripped his wrist tighter.
But something was nagging at him, something deep in his soul. To look again, to make sure it was just nothing. In broad daylight, surely if there was anything there-
Pulling his right sleeve back, Ren balked. On the inside of his arm were two words.
Absorb Electricity
“What-“
“What? What is it?” Nora pondered, sitting up and leaning over.
“Absorb-? What do those words mean?”
“What words?”
Ren turned around. Nora was looking at his arm too, with a quizzical expression on her face.
“Those words!” he pointed to inky writing on his arm.
“I don’t see anything?”
Ren did a double take; looking at Nora, then back to his arm.
“If you’re making a joke, I don’t get it.” Nora deadpanned, head propped up in her hands.
You don’t-? But it-? I’m not-? Ren dropped his arm and pushed the sleeve down. “It’s fine, I must be seeing things.”
Nora shrugged and turned back over, watching the clouds gather above.
--
They found a rocky overhang to camp under for the night. Nora passed out pretty fast; she had gotten a lot more comfortable sleeping through the demon-filled nights with someone by her side. Ren just stared at the embers of the fire and let his thoughts wander.
I know they weren’t there before I met her. Before… that night. So where did it come from?
A distant shriek echoed over the valley, and Ren could feel his heart beating in his ears. Immediately, he was awash with the calming greytones of his semblance. The scream turned to baying. A Beowulf then, probably alone and several miles away.
Exhaling slowly, he returned to color, the gears in his head returning to the question of the mysterious words. He looked at Nora, her deep sleep undisturbed by the distant Grimm calls.
I also never had this power, this courage, before that night. I feel like there is something…
He gripped his arm. Absorb Electricity. He felt something, not an emotion, just a gut-instinct. With everything that had happened; every coincidence that led Nora, that Grimm, and his family to Kuroyuri that night, he knew, somehow, that this phrase on his arm was connected to… something. It must be important.
And what does electricity have to do with anything?
--
Climbing over a mountain in a thunderstorm was never their intended route, even less so when a stray bolt pierced the heavens and struck true.
Nora collapsed, and so could have Ren from the shock. Without thinking, he ran toward her - her body lying still and crackling with electricity. To both of their surprise, Nora was alive. She sat up, singed but supercharged, and no worse for wear other than some temporary hearing loss. (Which she demonstrated when she inadvertently screamed in his face: “Wow Ren, I lived!”)
Together, they settled into a rocky alcove further down the mountain to wait for the storm to pass. Once out of the rain, the pair took the time to laugh away the adrenaline. Safely out of the storm, Nora shouted to the sky, taunting the Gods that had tried to kill her and failed. The thunder only grumbled in response. She traced the thunderbolt-shaped markings the impact left on her with her fingers, and watched them fade away over the next few days.
It felt dream-like, the week following the storm. Perhaps it was just the stress of surviving something so scary, but Ren felt stronger and closer to her than before. One night, curling next to the fire, he began to lay his head on his arm to go to sleep. Out of curiosity, he pushed back his sleeve and stared at his arm.
By the light of the campfire, his skin was blank - the words were gone.
Perhaps, he pondered, that was just a warning. It told him that lightning was going to strike, but she would be okay. Perhaps the words disappeared because they were fulfilled, like a destiny that had come to pass? He was too tired for this, his eyelids were growing heavy. He pushed the thoughts away and drifted to sleep.
-
Years later, when the two survivors worked their way into Beacon Academy, did all the stars align. It was at lunch, with their team and their friends of team RWBY.  Pyrrha had brought up the importance of balanced meals when Yang interjected that Jaune had taken all the chicken nuggets.
“I did NOT!”
“Then why is it the only thing on your plate?”
“BECAUSE, um…”
Ren looked back at the textbook, tuning out the argument and glancing over the chapter’s topic for next class. His preemptive studying was interrupted with an elbow jab to his ribcage.
“What?” he said.
“We should be social, you know.” Nora scolded under her breath before turning to the group and gesturing with a boisterous “HEY!”
A sinking feeling in his gut began to form. If there was one thing Ren could never figure out about Nora, it was her immunity to social anxiety.
“Not that taking down a monstrous Nevermore and giant Deathstalker isn’t bonding enough, but I think we should get to know each other better!” she exclaimed. “Anyone know a good ice-breaker?”
Their leader Jaune perked up, “Ooh, how about everyone’s favorite movie or franchise?”
“Too broad.” Weiss replied.
“How about our weapons? I bet everyone has a cool story about theirs!” Ruby added with a glint in her eyes.
“We could talk about our favorite books.” Blake offered.
“Ha, everyone knows the best ice-breaker is sharing semblances,” Yang smirked, “and your semblance-soulmate.”
Pyrrha choked on her salad. Ruby groaned and leaned back in her seat. Blake visibly stiffened.
Breaking the silence, Jaune scoffed. “C’mon, not everyone knows that.” He then rushed to clarify - “It’s not like it tells you their name. You could walk right past them and never know!”
“Yeah,” Ruby pouted, “and maybe some of us don’t want to deal with that extra layer of existential dread.”
“Aw, but that’s what makes it exciting!” Yang teased.
“That’s what makes it agonizing!” Ruby retorted, “Knowing you have a compatible life-partner somewhere in the world and your only hint will disappear when you meet them?!”
“Hang on a second.” Ren interjected, “I thought we were talking about semblances?”
“We are, but y’know…” Weiss was tapping the inside of her arm. “…the Semblance mark.  It can only be read by the person whose skin it appears on, so sharing that knowledge would be another way of bearing your soul to the world.”
“It’s highly personal.” Pyrrha nodded in agreement.
Yang put her hands up in defense. “We don’t have to share them. I just suggested it because it’s so personal. It’s like the fastest ice-breaker in the world.”
Yang’s awkward laughing aside, Ren was still lost. Luckily, Blake picked up on his uncertainty and continued the conversation fluidly.
“It describes the semblance of a person you are destined to come across. According to popular belief, that person is your equal – your other half so to speak.” Blake’s voice then dropped into a hushed monotone, gripping her wrist. “Of course, some people believe strongly in it, while others prefer to forge their own path.”
“Right,” Jaune jumped in, “there’s no rule about marrying them or anything.”
“So it’s more of a suggestion, then?” Nora asked in confusion.
“I find it all very poetic.” Pyrrha said. “I’ve heard that your soulmate mark will disappear after you meet them. After that, it is up to you to forge that bond in person. Nothing is set in stone; it’s a path you can choose to take.”
“Whoaaa.” Nora mused. “Wait, how come I never got one!?” Nora was on her feet in surprise. “Is it possible I didn’t notice?”
Ren was only half listening to the conversation now as the puzzle pieces aligned and clicked together. Words. Semblances. Partners. Those letters he nearly blocked from memory, blocked with the rest of Kuroyuri... didn’t they mention something about electricity?
Two semblances tied together. Two souls cross paths and find each other’s company.
It is pretty poetic, isn’t it?
--
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demonprosecutor · 4 years
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TURNABOUT HEROES AU! A COMPREHENSIVE POST
BASIC PREMISE:
Miles Edgeworth is a big-shot prosecutor who, much like his mentor, specialized in the prosecution of super-powered individuals, more specifically, heroes and villains. He doesn’t have any powers; however, it does not dissuade from the fact that he has considerable influence to ensure that retribution is often a rarity in his line of work 
(far too often he’s heard stories about his colleagues being offed by a vengeful loved one or a villain who managed to smuggle in a weapon)
However, his luck was bound to run out anyways. After sending too many of their colleagues’ into high-security prison, Miles finds himself the unfortunate target to many villains and unfortunately takes up a new role of ‘Damsel-in-Distress’ if he wanted to play with cliches.
But even with his string of bad luck, the mysterious Firebird is someone who always seems to know when and if he’s in trouble. At the same time, Phoenix Wright had somehow reappeared in his life and now? He’s being SAVED on both ends, what does a man have to do in order to get a semblance of peace around these parts.
Or, as I like to call it, the “oh no, i fell in love with a superhero AND their secret identity unknowingly and i am in a crisis 24/7 about it” au
WORLDBUILDING:
The world is composed of individuals who have powers and who don’t. Generally, there is peaceful co-existence between these two groups - however, there are spots of tension between the two that culminates in trouble. Sometimes, powered individuals use their abilities for evil and others use their powers for good. Non-powered individuals are usually stuck in the middle LMAO
ROUGH TIMELINE:
Gregory Edgeworth is a non-powered defense attorney that specializes in crimes that are committed by powered individuals because they have the tendency to be indicted more harshly than non-powered individuals. He, while not too famous like his enemy, has steadily been growing in fame in terms of his willingness to help anyone no matter what, something that Miles, as a child, cherished.
As a kid, Miles, who is non-powered as well, is someone who grew up in a very loving environment. In spite of the fact that his father was a single father and sometimes came home late, he was always surrounded with a wealth of love and care from his father and his uncle. During this time, Phoenix and Larry, both powered individuals (and whose powers I will explain further downwards), were his tentative friends at the beginning - that is until the dreaded class trial. Phoenix was accused of stealing Miles’ money and the teacher + class was unfairly going against him, citing his powers as being evidence towards motivation for crime. But Miles stood up for him, his dad as inspiration, and told everyone off because you can’t accuse people without proof. From that moment on, these three were inseparable. 
They would always go to each other’s houses, always pair together for group projects, and always hang out - they were thick as thieves.
But tragedy struck around Christmas. Miles does not know exactly what happens, but all he knows is that when he woke up from fading consciousness, a moment of time seared in his mind for eternity is throwing the gun, the ear-splitting gunshot and a blink later, his father slumped dead on against the elevator wall.
From that moment on, it just goes downhill for Miles. He gets taken under Manfred’s wing and has the ideals of always getting a guilty verdict and people with powers are bad. For years and years, he grew up with this poisonous mindset with his adopted sister, Franziska, and together, they grew up to be the second-most feared prosecutors (the first being Manfred).
Meanwhile, Phoenix is desperately trying to find miles, trying to see if he could reconnect with him, but he never does. So in college, he ends up with Dahlia and gets subsequently accused of murder of Doug Swallow. He gets poisoned in the trial, a gift from Dahlia’s powers, but miraculously heals - figuring out another facet of his powers.
It is then when Phoenix meets up with Mia, determined after seeing that newspaper with Miles in it, she takes him under her wing and teaches him everything she knows about being both a defense attorney and a hero. Together, they make the dynamic duo of Firebird and Spirit! They fight crime on both sides of the law for years, while Phoenix thinks about his goal of reaching Miles.
Years later, Mia gets murdered by Redd White after obtaining information that could stop him and his company.
The trail for Mia’s murder is the first time Phoenix and Miles meet again. Instead of Winston taking the role of prosecution, it’s Miles!
Miles completely ignores Phoenix initially and focuses on the investigation and having the perfect trial. He does a lot more hands on investigations because sometimes, the police have a tendency to misplace evidence or not find things that he needs, so he’s at the crime scenes frequently. The night before the first trial, Miles goes to the crime scene where he first meets the hero Firebird. He is a bit of a jerk to Firebird before Miles writes him down as a potential suspect.
After his first loss, Miles is completely stunned. Before chalking it up to beginner’s luck. It doesn’t help that Manfred reprimands him very harshly for losing to a green attorney.
But for some reason, after that first trial, Miles ends up seeing more of Phoenix and Firebird around. Phoenix has the tendency to take cases that Miles is prosecuting for chances to talk to him and Firebird is always around the crime scene - he’s sure that they’re in cahoots with each other.
It’s difficult for Miles to talk to Phoenix because it brings up too many memories that he had repressed for his own mental health. But for some reason, Firebird is much easier to talk to.
It’s like Miles has a target at his back because he cannot go a few days without being kidnapped, being held at gunpoint, being used as hostage, and being rescued by Firebird, that insufferable flirt. However, Miles is reassured that he has someone out there who is willing to save him because not many would, especially since he would judiciously prosecute them without much guilt.
Firebird; however, is another story. 
He talks to Firebird and Phoenix about each other and it’s clear over the years that he’s slowly being less cold and more warm -- and it’s hard to not fall in love! Firebird is the one who falls in love first because if Phoenix is being honest, he’s been in love with Miles since forever, but it’s easier to confess behind a mask. And this was during a time where Miles hated powered people, so it was always left with taunts. But Phoenix never let that deter him, he had always cared for Miles, no matter what.
Eventually, Miles ends up falling for both Firebird and Phoenix and he spends many sleepless nights thinking about the hero who saves his life literally and his rival/best friend who saves his life emotionally.
NOTABLE CHARACTERS:
Phoenix Wright AKA Firebird:
His powers are pyrokinesis, healing, flight, and regeneration
Body is the same fragility of humans, but if he dies, he crumples to ashes and comes back to life brand new and without injuries!
Miles Edgeworth, non-powered:
A prosecutor trained under Manfred von Karma, specializing in powered crime
Terribly unlucky to the point where people wondered if bad luck was his superpower
Franziska von Karma, powered, but repressing her abilities:
A prosecutor trained under Manfred von Karma, specializing in powered crime - eventually upgrades to international prosecutor
Her abilities, once found out, are ice powers!
Dating Maya
Maya Fey, non-powered:
A journalist charged with protecting the secret of the Kurain Village - which is a place for resting heroes or villains who wish to reform!
Dating Franziska
Pearl Fey, powered:
Her powers are super-strength, extreme durability, and extreme endurance
Literally the strongest AA character
Iris Fey, non-powered:
The twin of Dahlia and aided her charade with Phoenix back at college
Now she works at Kurain Village with Dahlia in the reformation of villains.
Dahlia Hawthorne AKA Sweet Tooth, powered:
Her powers are poison control!
She used to be a villain, but reformed
Works at Kurain Village with Iris in helping villains reform
Morgan Fey, powered:
Her powers are the same as Pearl’s; however, they are a LOT weaker than her daughter’s
Very scary
Larry Butz AKA Toy Soldier, powered:
Powers: brings inanimate objects to life
But he prefers to bring toys to life as puppets, not really an effective fighter, but he’s trying and that’s what counts!
The Phantom, powered:
Powers: can shapeshift perfectly down to their voices. They can also steal memories
They are the perfect assassin
Gumshoe, non-powered or is he? huehuehue
The detective partner of Edgeworth’s 
Very loyal and energetic! He is such a sweetheart
Manfred von Karma, non-powered
One of the best prosecutors for powered crime
An asshole jerk
Trucy Wright, powered:
Powers: teleportation
She uses her teleportation for her magic tricks, but shhh, don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret!
Apollo Justice AKA Chords of Steel, powered:
Powers: sound manipulation
His chords of steel are sometimes A BIT MUCH!
But he could manipulate sound to make his footsteps quieter, his ability is really versatile
He can only SCREAM
Klavier Gavin AKA Piano Man, powered:
Powers: sound manipulation
BUT HE CAN ONLY SING IT!!!
Can charm/mind control people, but NEVER EVER does it because he knows how bad it can get!
Kristoph Gavin, powered:
Powers: charm
Can charm/mind control people hehehe
Ema Skye, powered:
Powers: perception
She can see the gross nasty fluids from a crime that can be seen with the human eye, she loves it
Lana Skye, non-powered:
Once the Chief Prosecutor, but now jailed
Currently, she is on parole and is going to be soon let out for good behaviour
Athena, powered:
Powers: She has the capability of knowing someone’s TRUE emotions and their deepest desires
It’s honestly a curse because she frequently gets overstimulated by crowds
Blackquill, non-powered:
A fearsome prosecutor that was jailed for crimes not of his own making
He seeks the phantom and wishes to either put them in jail or kill them, whichever comes first.
Mia Fey AKA Spirit, powered:
Powers: psychokinesis + phasing
LIKE A GHOST
Phoenix’s mentor as both a defense attorney and as a hero
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cancerbiophd · 4 years
Text
How I landed an industry job straight out of my life sciences PhD, without doing a post-doc 
In less than 7 weeks I’ll be defending my dissertation as a final step in my PhD in Cancer Biology, and yesterday I accepted a Scientist position at a local biotechnology company. And best part: I didn’t have to do the dreaded post-doc first! Which is pretty rare for our field (but I hope it’ll be more and more common for PhD’s going into industry).
I promised I would talk about the process here, and I hope that anyone who’s aiming for the same path can walk away with some tips or at least with a familiarity of the process. 
The main points I want to get across: 
Network network network. You can probably just stop reading here, because this job came about all through networking. I was basically head-hunted--someone in my network (a program alumnus) contacted me on LinkedIn to ask if I wanted to apply for a position on the team she directs. So set up your LinkedIn account, keep it up to date, and use it to actively network. At the very least you should connect with the alumni in your program as you all have something in common already, and since they’re out and about in the field they would be great resources for informational interviews and job referrals. 
My expertise and career goals matched the position. No brainer, of course. Even if I wasn’t contacted by the company, I would only be applying to companies I qualified for (so companies dealing with cancer since I’m my PhD is in Cancer Bio). My lab mate, for example, was finishing up his PhD in Nutritional Sciences but was applying to cancer companies with no result, because it just wasn’t the candidate those companies were looking for. My expertise was also probably what got that director’s attention in the first place and the reason she reached out. She was basically willing to wait 7 months for me (from job posting to my final start-date) because I was her ideal candidate, and not just based off my expertise alone, but our personalities matched too. She told me “we communicate well” aka our work personalities match. I know you can’t change who you are obviously, but getting along with your manager goes a long way. 
That being said, employers/PIs are flexible with start dates for PhD candidates. I applied to this position 6 months before I had my defense date set and when I only knew a ballpark of “sometime in the summer”. And then during my interview process I had to keep pushing that potential start-date back and back and back. But the company understood this. So as a PhD candidate you could start applying 6 months before your expected end-date (even if it’s still a moving target), or even months earlier for post-docs (which are much more flexible than industry positions). In general, you should start looking 1 year before your finish date to see what’s out there. 
It was also good luck/timing. If I had graduated earlier than the job posting, then I never would’ve had this opportunity. I also only added her to my LinkedIn network because I went to a lunch seminar where she gave a talk about working in industry. So small things that ultimately made a huge difference. Some you can’t control, but some (like going to that lunch) are definitely  opportunities to seize. 
I was low “flight risk”. Companies are always afraid their employees will leave the company/city for greener pastures, and that’s more common in “less popular” places to live, like the southwest desert where I’m located. But I’m from here, my grad school is here, my family’s here--so the company is making the assumption I’m not going to just up and go any time soon. You obviously can’t control where your family chooses to settle down, but you may be able to strategically choose your grad school based off of its proximity to potential companies. 
And lastly, in my experience, PhD’s with no post-doc in biotech industry should expect an annual salary somewhere between $75-95k (depending on the company and cost of living), with benefits.
Ok, my full story under cut if you’d like to know more about the process I went through:
It all started when a program alumnus (or alumna, if you’re picky about your latin) named RF talked at a lunch seminar to students in my program in Feb 2019. I was really interested in her company and knew she would be a great network to have, so I emailed her later to thank her, and then added her on LinkedIn. 
Fast forward to January of this year (2020) when RF messaged me on LinkedIn out of the blue asking me how close I was to graduating and if I would be interested in a position at her company. I think she wanted someone asap (so not me, I thought), but we talked more about my project, and she said she’d keep in touch. In February, she messaged me again saying a position opened up on her team and she wanted to see if I would like to apply. I said heck yes (or the more formal version), and sent in my application, with the expectation that I would be defending sometime in the summer. I also put her as my job referral and messaged her afterwards to let her know my application went through (with the hopes that maybe she could fast-track it through HR, which I think she did). 
In the meantime, I messaged (also on LinkedIn) another program alumnus I knew (our time overlapped a few years) who currently works with RF and we chatted on the phone about what he does at work, how he likes it there, etc. Basically an informational interview (and also to catch up as colleagues). I was also hoping he’d put in a good word for me with RF and can attest I’m a decent human being and all that. 
2 weeks later, I had a phone interview with RF, and I was super nervous going into it. I even practiced pages and pages of answers of common interview questions for a week straight. But to my surprise she opened the call with “I already know a lot about you from your CV, LinkedIn profile, and also your PhD training because we’re from the same program, so this is your chance to ask me questions!” And I was like, uhhhh awesome! The only thing she wanted to know about me was when I could start, and at that moment in time I was gunning for a July/Aug defense date. 
(I also emailed her and HR afterwards to ask them whether they could match my salary expectation, which I had researched well beforehand for what was common in the field for my position and experience, and they said they could.)
We then set up the next round of interviews for April with a colleague of RF’s who used to be in the same team but now directs her own, and RF’s boss (these would have normally been on-site, but I did them over the phone bc Covid). I again messaged my friend at the company asking if he had any tips. 
And then disaster struck! The company’s HR called me a week before those scheduled interviews to tell me the company had ordered a hiring freeze due to Covid and the effect it was having on the economy. Absolute bummer :( :( :(
So I then applied for a few more positions here and there, including some post-docs (which I really didn’t want to do). I got 2 rounds of interviews for a Scientist position at another local company, and as of today I still haven’t heard anything from them. oh well. 
Then in June I finally heard back from RF’s company saying the hiring freeze has been lifted and whether I’m still interested? Uh, heck yes! So we continued with those 2 phone interviews I had originally scheduled back in April. They both went really well. But I still continued to apply to other positions in the meantime because I wanted to have as many options as I could. 
Then 2 weeks ago (July 7) I got THE call: they wanted to offer me the position! :D
Only problem was, we needed to settle on a start-date. They of course wanted me to start like, yesterday, but my PI wanted to push back my original defense date of Aug 28 one more week to Sept 4, and also wanted me to focus on any dissertation edits for 2 weeks after that. So my earliest start-date would be Sept 21. If you remember, my defense date shifted from “sometime in the summer” to “July/August” to now September, so I was really worried the company wouldn’t accept this. I nervously waited 2 weeks for someone to call me back, and in my head I kept thinking, “I blew it I blew it”. I even sent in a job application to another company in that time. 
But RF finally called me and said hey, no problem, we can do that! She told me she was willing to wait because I really was her perfect candidate (I had all the experience she wanted, and she said we communicated well aka our work-personalities matched). She had also just recently hired another graduate from our program, who is also a friend of mine, so she knew we would all mesh together very nicely. 
And that’s the story folks! I’ll be starting the position remotely until it’s safe to return to the building again. They’re also working with my husband to see if he’s a good candidate for some of their other open positions (we’re both in the biotech field). We’re both super excited about this new chapter in our lives. 
All this because I attended the lunch seminar RF talked at all last year and then added her on LinkedIn. When people talk about opportunities lurking behind every corner, they really did mean that. 
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echodrops · 4 years
Text
Home and a Half Pidge Headcanons
An ask I got yesterday reminded me that I never posted the HaaH headcanons for Pidge like I promised, so here they are! (I’ll answer the actual ask as soon as I can with some new material instead of headcanons I already had written... oops...)
Anyway, without further ado, some headcanons for Pidge related to my fic Home and a Half!
Pidge:
- Grew up in the picture of the nuclear family: mom, dad, two kids, dog, nice upper-middle-class house in a quiet neighborhood, dinner on the table at 7:30pm on the dot… Of all the paladins, Pidge had the most stable and “average” childhood… at least on paper.
 - In reality, there is not a single person in the Holt family who isn’t eccentric as fuck. Grandma Holt? May or may not still be an active intelligence agent for MI6. The dog? Woofs in Morse code. Auntie Ariana? Has actually seen the Jersey Devil. Colleen Holt? Has killed a man. If you ask Pidge, she’ll say that her upbringing was perfectly normal and she’ll genuinely mean it, but this is a consequence Pidge having no idea what “normal” even means.
 Rest under the read more to save your dash:
- Not actually a girly-girl when she was young. Although they’re eight years apart and thus unlikely to be mistaken for one another, very early on Pidge got frustrated by how similar she and Matt look, and she definitely did not want to wear his tacky hand-me-down clothes, so she pitched a royal fit and insisted on wearing dresses and hairbands so that her family would have to buy Pidge all her own things. (They probably would have bought them anyway if she’d just asked calmly, but Pidge was three at the time, and they were all very impressed by her grasp of cause and effect.)
 - Of course, when Matt disappeared on the ill-fated Kerberos trip, those tacky hand-me-downs ended up being some of the most important items in Pidge’s life. Even outside of infiltrating Garrison, wearing Matt’s old clothes was one of the few comforts Pidge would allow herself—when she cut her hair and put on his baggy shirts, for a second, looking in a mirror, she could almost convince herself he was still there—
 - Pidge has no intention of changing the way she dresses or styles her appearance until she’s reunited with Matt and her father. After that? Well, they may not be the coolest looking things ever, but Matt does have a point that baggy t-shirts are very comfy…
 - And okay, because I’m sure everyone expected this headcanon first: Pidge and gender is a surprisingly uncomplicated subject. Side note before I go further: I’m sure everyone has their own headcanons for this and none of what I say here should be taken as rejecting or invalidating any other fan’s views on Pidge. The only thing invalid in the Voltron fandom is canon. Anyway, I personally like to imagine that Pidge is very ambivalent on gender. There is so much else going on—the war, Sam and Matt being missing, freaking giant robot space cats—that sitting down and sorting out the question of “Do I identify as male, female, nonbinary, or anything else?” is just really, really low on Pidge’s to do list. Pidge thinks of Pidge as “Pidge” and even that’s rare because Pidge doesn’t sit around thinking about herself or what other people think of her.
 - In fact, what strangers think is, in general, extremely low on Pidge’s radar. Although she used to be more self-conscious due to bullying from both classmates and her teachers, the combination of her parents’ consistent support and Matt’s… extreme tactics (“I’m telling you Pigeon, nanobots in their lunches will solve all your problems.” “That’s illegal, Matt.” “Nothing is illegal until you get caught.”) Pidge (mostly) overcame the phase of being affected by other people’s opinions. Who cares what strangers think? Absolutely none of them will ever be even close to as smart and talented as her family anyway. (My IQ is three times yours, your argument about my gender is literally invalid.)
 - By the way, I’m using “her” simply because that’s what I’m used to seeing in the fandom and to keep the fic and headcanons consistent, but in the functional world of HaaH, Pidge answers to any pronouns and doesn’t have a preference for any set in particular over others. In fact, Pidge is used to going by different sets of pronouns coming from different people, and might be “he” to one person, “she” to another, and “they” to yet someone else. Pidge is just… Pidge.
 - Again, with the war and Voltron and missing family and literally everything else going on--and the fact Pidge is far more practical than all of the rest of her fellow Team Voltron members combined--she isn’t wasting time and energy doing something as troublesome as falling in love with an alien. (“Keith, can’t your melodrama wait until after we win the war?” “My drama waits for no man.” “Then please explain how you and Lance manage to engage in synchronized dumb-fuckery at least three times a week.”) Eventually, after life has settled down and Pidge has had some time to think about it, she’ll realize that the reason she somehow managed to avoid any romantic entanglements in space isn’t because she’s just much more mature than her teammates (although this might be true)—it’s that she’s just not really interested in romantic engagements with anybody, period. 
 - Pidge’s one true love is discovery; she feels far more passionate about knowledge and learning new things, encountering new puzzles, and grasping new concepts than she does about anything else. In between all her creations and codes and experiments and observations, it just doesn’t feel like there’s room—or that there needs to be room—for a romantic relationship with a real person.
 - Pidge will make room for friends though, if and when they insist on worming their ways into her life. She tends to be a fairly private person who has never really had a large friend group (back on Earth, before Garrison, there wasn’t anyone but Matt and her parents who really understood her, and she didn’t have much in common to discuss with children her own age), but once someone earns Pidge’s trust, she does open up and form close bonds and she will give her all to help and be there for her few, but close, friends.
 - Meeting Hunk at Garrison was a huge revelation. Up to that point in Pidge’s life she had never really met any young person outside her own family with a soaring genius-level IQ that was a match for her own. Although she and Hunk bicker frequently because their approaches to science are extremely different, she’s still over-the-moon to have someone who doesn’t stare at her like she’s talking gibberish whenever she goes off on one of her tangents.
 - If you ask Pidge, she will violently swear up and down that Lance never and in. no. way. reminds her of Matt, fills in for Matt in the lame-older-brother role, or helps her miss her brother just a little bit less. That did not happen, never had a chance of happening, what are you even talking about—
 - But if you ask about Shiro, she will be flat-out honest and admit she totally thinks of him as Space Dad. It’s not her fault. Shiro literally hero worships Sam Holt (still to this day!!) and may or may not have taken on more of his mentor’s mannerisms in order to fill the leadership role for Team Voltron. Sometimes Shiro will say or do something and Pidge will be absolutely dumb-struck because he got that from my dad is an actual thing she has to deal with.
- “Pidge” is actually a derivative of “Pigeon.” Everyone in the Holt family has a bird-based code name. Mr. Holt is Eagle Two.
 - People often get the impression that Pidge is scatterbrained because she can talk about ten different things at once and pounces on leaps in her own logic that other people just can’t follow, but her thoughts and speech are very organized. It’s not her fault you couldn’t understand her system of organization if you tried.
 - Put Pidge on the spot on a subject she doesn’t know, though, and watch the awkward jump right out. (“Oh, you meant the pop band Galileo, not the person. You know, that’s really an easy mistake to make. You can hardly blame me when you stop to consider all the similarities between modern chord progression and the trajectory of supermassive objects like—”)
 - And if it’s not awkward, it’s defensive. Pidge may be hyper-intelligent, but she’s still very, very young, and it’s hard not to get snappish when challenged by people whose opinions she really does care about. She has a far quicker temper than Matt (who is a “revenge is a dish best served cold” champion), a trait she shares with their mother. Colleen, in turn, blames it on her having been born in New Jersey. Pidge has flipped so many tables on the Castleship that Coran and Lance eventually went around and bolted them all down.
 - Do not even so much as hint that Sam and Matt Holt might be dead instead of just missing in space. Keith is still scared after his last attempt at reasoning with Pidge about her family’s fate.
 - Has a bad hoarding habit. Back on Earth she had her parents there to insist she clean her room at least once a week, but in space, things are getting a bit crazy. The Castleship closets and cabinets can hyper-condense their contents and she’s STILL running out of room for all the neat doodads and parts and scientific wonders she finds on their adventures across the galaxy. Is definitely in the “Look, there’s still a mostly clear path to the door; it’s fineee” category. It’s not like she finds it hard to let things go once she’s gotten attached to them or anything. Nope. Definitely not.
 - Pidge’s mess is absolutely of the “everything has a proper place” type though. Move anything with her name on it and you will feel her wrath.
- As the only one of the Earth paladins to have technology on her when they were unexpectedly swept off to war, everyone on the ship relies on Pidge’s laptop for their monthly dose of Earth nostalgia. Good thing for them Pidge and Matt’s pirating skills put Pirate Bay to shame, and she’s got basically every Earth movie from 1980 to the present. She even has every episode of the timeless classic F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (Keith hates that show with a burning passion that even he cannot explain.)
 - Speaking of technology Pidge had on Earth—every single person in the Holt family is (and has been for decades) aware of the existence of aliens. Pidge’s family tree has been involved in communications, radio wave technology, and interpreting space observations since those fields were first invented. When Earth first identified patterns of waves that obviously corresponded to alien communications going on outside Earth’s galaxy, Pidge’s great- great- grandfather was there. When world governments covered up the discovery, he was the loudest voice of dissent. Since then, the Holt family has been deeply involved in military and space operations across several countries, operating from within an oppressive system they fundamentally disagree with, using their positions of authority to monitor the Milky Way and beyond, keeping tabs on what the aliens might be saying—and what messages Earth might be inadvertently sending back.
 - Of course this is top secret work—secret even from the Garrison and government where the Holts were employed. Other kids learn how to play piano and soccer; Pidge and Matt learned how to hack virtually impenetrable military databases and hide their data behind uncrackable ciphers instead.
 - But the Kerberos Mission was supposed to be safe. They’d all monitored the chatter so closely—there hadn’t been anything hostile anywhere even near Earth’s galaxy, no sign at all of any technologically advanced race like the Galra in years and nothing about one little Earth mission that would disturb any other intergalactic travelers anyway… Why would they...
 - Pidge is surprisingly athletic for a self-professed nerd. With youthful energy to burn and a family to save, Pidge took to Allura and Coran’s intense Altean training like a duck to water, and while she’s not quite Shiro or Keith when it comes to hand-to-hand combat, she can definitely holds up better than Hunk or Lance.
 - Favorite color is actually yellow, and if Green wasn’t totally The Coolest™ lion, she’d be sort of salty about Hunk getting the Yellow Lion instead.
 - Absolutely capable of cursing up a blue storm, and hasn’t been friends with Hunk quite long enough yet to remember to censor herself around him all the time like Lance does with his “Holy crow!”s. She’s trying, dammit!
 - Big on pets. Gets attached to pet-shaped creatures (whether living or robotic) very easily. 110% kept the space caterpillars, who live happily free-roaming the piles of space junk in her bedroom. The space caterpillars and the space mice do not get along, however, as the space mice do not take well to having their status as the favored fuzzy team mascot squad threatened. In their micro-Cold War, which is occurring without any of the ship’s humanoid occupants being aware, the space caterpillars are currently winning.
 - The caterpillars’ names are Copernicus, Kepler, and Newton.
 - Remember that one post about Lance drawing angry brows on the space caterpillar and siccing it on Keith? I very much accept that as canon. Pidge was Not Happy™ when she found out what Lance had done and she is NOT letting anyone else near her caterpillars again any time soon. Is very, very careful not to let Niresh see the space caterpillars so that they don’t end up stolen right from under her nose.
 - Speaking of the kids, Pidge is super awkward with them and skedaddles at the first sign of tears. Next to Allura, there is probably not any member of the team worse suited to babysitting duty. That said, as someone who has lost members of her family in the war, Pidge is probably the member of the team who most directly understands Dulsara’s anger and the children’s loss. That doesn’t mean she’s really ready to let herself sympathize with the Galra though, at least not until she finds her own family first.
- Pulls all the most bullshit moves in Monsters and Mana. Whenever the team reminiscences on the truly legendary moments from their campaigns, somehow Pidge is the star in all of them.
And that’s all I’ve got for now!
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Virago: 01. The Ground
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Summary: Y/N was sent to the ground after spending five years in the Skybox for stealing medical supplies and murder. How will she deal with her new environment and learn to survive on earth? Will she crack under the pressure of becoming a leader of the 100 or will she embrace it.
Post Date: 04.06.20
Word count: 2.9k
Based off: 01x01 “Pilot”
Pairing: Bellamy Blake x Reader
00. The Skybox (recommend reading before this part)
 Masterlist
You were sitting on your bed reading a book that was left to you from your parents. Council member Marcus Kane, visited each month to bring you one as well as try to get to know you better. All of a sudden your cell door opens and two guards walk in.
“Prisoner 445, move to the wall,” One of the guards said to you.
“I don’t get reviewed for another 2 days,” You say moving, not wanting to get shocked.
They stick a silver wristband on your right wrist and start to push you out of your cell. As you are escorted out, you notice all of the teenagers getting moved from their cells. A few doors down from your own you see Abby Griffin talking with her daughter, Clarke Griffin. You overhear something about the earth but was dragged away before you could hear anymore. The guards take you into a Dropship of some sort and force you into a seat. You watch as all the kids were forced to sit in their seats, a few fighting back. 
“Hi! I’m Octavia Blake.” The brown-haired girl said as she was sat next to you. 
“Y/N Y/L/N. What were you put away for?” You ask her. 
Octavia is silent for a bit before she talks, “I was born. You?”
“Stealing extra medicine for my mom when she was sick and assaulting a guard,” You respond, even though that was slightly a lie. Soon enough you felt the jolt as the ship undocked from the Ark and a video of Chancellor Jaha explaining what’s happening appeared on the screens around the Dropship. You look over to see a kid floating around.
“Spacewalk bandit strikes again,” A kid somewhere on the ship yells. And many others yelling words of encouragement to the kid known as Finn.
"How are we supposed to survive with this stupidity,” You scoff, turning to Octavia. She just shrugs back in response. All of a sudden even louder crashes started coming from the Dropship and then nothing.
“Listen. No machine hum.” A kid from behind says. We all start unbuckling from our seats and head down to the lower level. As you’re climbing down from the ladder you see Clarke, Octavia and a tall dark-haired guy in a guard uniform, talking by the door. 
“Do you mind? I haven’t seen my brother in a year” Octavia states to Clarke. You jump down from the ladder but can’t see anything so you push yourself to the front. The next thing you know, Octavia’s brother opens the gate, flooding a bright blinding light into the Dropship. Octavia jumps onto the ground, taking a deep breath of the fresh earth air and screams “We’re back bitches!” And everyone starts running out into the lush green forest.
When you imagined earth, you thought of a grey and brown desolate area, not a green paradise. You never imagined in your lifetime that you would be on earth, feeling the warmth of the sunlight on your skin, the grittiness of the dirt under your feet and the wind through your hair. You walked around touching the plants that scattered the ground, not wanting this feeling of euphoria to end.
“I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life, ” You say walking up to Clarke. She picks up a map and walks over to a clearing.
“What’s up?” You ask following her but getting no response.
“Why so serious, Princess? It’s not like we died in a fiery explosion. Y/N.” You hear a voice behind you say. 
“Try telling that to the two guys who tried to follow you out of their seats” Clarke snaps back.
You just looked at Finn shrugging and began to tune them out and just take in the scenery. When you tune back into their conversation, you hear Clarke mention that we were nowhere near Mount Weather, which is where we were supposed to be dropped. 
“So we have a radiation-soaked forest between us and our next meal, huh?” You respond looking at the mountain in the distance.
“Yep, they dropped us on the wrong damn mountain” Clarke responds. You walk back to the Dropship with Clarke but instead of worrying about what to do next and wander over to Octavia.
“Oh, Bell this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Bellamy. My brother” Octavia says happily.
“I’ve heard so much about you. Or at least the rumors. Nice to meet you.” Bellamy introduces himself.
“Well, I haven’t heard much about you,” You say looking at Octavia, even though you just met her and her brother. “But it’s nice to meet you.” you laugh. Bellamy starts to pay attention to the conversation going on between Clarke and Wells. 
“We’re on the ground. That’s not good enough for you?” He interrupts.
“We need to find Mount Weather. You heard my father’s message. That has to be our first priority.” Wells states.
“Screw your father. What, you think you’re in charge here, you and your little Princess?” Octavia taunts shifting her eyes over to Clarke.
“Come on, let’s just enjoy our freedom first. Then we can go to Mount Weather and get supplies.” You say trying to not take sides. 
Clarke tries to convince the other kids to agree with her to go and get supplies but Bellamy says that Clarke and Wells should go as they are privileged. You’re surprised that he doesn’t mention you since your father was a Council member. But you guess that since you were locked up so long, you weren’t considered privileged anymore. Many of the kids around you agree with Bellamy. The kid Murphy starts to pick a fight with Wells for trying to tell everyone to go to Mount Weather. But Finn gets between them in order to give Wells a fair fight or to stop things from getting out of hands. 
“Just leave it, Murphy, we don’t need your shit,” You snark from the sidelines. He tries to go for you but Finn stops him from leaping towards you. Murphy pushes Finn off of him and walks away. You start to bring things from the Dropship outside but get distracted by the conversation going on between Clarke and Finn about taking the wristbands off. 
“Hey Octavia, be careful out there,” You tell her. She looks back and nods to you before she walks off with Clarke, Finn, Monty, and Jasper. You continue to unpack items from the Dropship until Bellamy walks up to you.
“Hey, you should relax and enjoy this. Like you said.” He says behind you.
“I’ll enjoy this, even more, when I have a semi-comfortable place to sleep,” You state looking back at him and walking back to the Dropship.
“You’ve got a point,” He follows you. When you get close enough you notice writing on the Dropship “First Son, First to dye”. You laugh at the spelling, even though you were locked up for so long you knew it was spelled wrong. Wells drops some wood down as Murphy starts to converse with him. Wells walks away purposely bumping into Murphy’s shoulder as you and Bellamy get to the Dropship.
“If you’re gonna kill someone, it’s probably best not to announce it,” Bellamy remarks from your side, you snicker.
“You’re not really a member of the guard, are you?” Murphy questions Bellamy.
“No. The real guard will be here soon unless we stop it. You don’t actually think they’re gonna forgive your crimes. Even if they do, then what? Guys like us, we’re gonna become model citizens now, get jobs. If we’re lucky, maybe pick up their trash?” He responds.
“You got a point?” Murphy’s little sidekick, John Mbege, questions.
“Well, why help the Ark when they locked us up?” You ask. 
“The hell we are,” Mbege says in response.
“You’re wearing those bracelets, aren’t you? Right now, those things are telling them whether or not it’s safe to follow us down.” Bellamy states.
“Okay. You said we could stop it. How?” Murphy asks.
“Well, if we take them off. The Ark will believe that it's not safe to follow, right?” You say slightly questioning if that’s where he was getting at.
“Right, and if we do, I mean, what’s in it for us?” Murphy asks.
“Someones gotta help me run things,” Bellamy states walking away, pulling you with him.
“So you wanna help me?” He asks looking you straight in the eyes.
“Well, that depends,” you respond smirking back at him.
“On what entirely?” He asks.
“On if you really need me. I mean, you’ve got Murphy and Mbege. So why do you need me?” You ask walking back to your pile of stuff. 
“I think people will get behind me if you’re on my side. You are the girl who killed three guards, right?” He responds. You stop in your tracks annoyed at the fact that he brought that up and walk back up to him. 
“What does that have to do with anything? What, you think that they’ll follow out of fear of me? It’s just a rumor,” You whisper defensively and walk away, leaving him standing alone. 
A couple of hours go by as you start to set up your own little sleeping area. You hear footsteps coming up behind you, knowing it could only be one person. “What do you want Bellamy?” You ask annoyed.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up, clearly, I struck a chord. You and the Council are the only ones that know the truth. But that rumor everyone hears may still help, regardless if its true or not. Anyways, I really do need someone other than Murphy and Mbege. So if you are really are up for it, then here,” Bellamy says, dropping some stick on the ground and starts to walk away.
“I’m sorry for snapping. It's just a very touchy subject. I don’t really have anyone up there that I want to come down, so I'll help you. But we’re not using that rumor as a way to strike fear into anyone or whatever, ” You say walking up to him, handing the stick back and holding your right wrist out. He smiles and takes the stick from you and starts to pry the wristband off. Once the band was off your wrist felt much better.
“So, what’s the first step, to keep people from the Ark coming down?” You ask Bellamy while you rub where the wristband was. 
“Well, first we have to get people to take their wristbands off. I’ll go let the John’s know what's up.” Bellamy responds.
Eventually, you gave up trying to set up a private-ish place to sleep since you would’ve needed someone's help to set the tent up and stuff and no one seemed to care. You ended up taking all of the sleeping stuff back inside the Dropship. At least you have somewhere to sleep. You spent a few more hours talking to the other kids and getting them to agree to take their wristbands off. Once the sun had set, Bellamy, the Johns, and you met up and started to gather the people around a fire. The John’s began taking the kid’s wristbands off and throwing them into the fire. Once the first person had their wristband taken off, cheers and whoops filled the air. They continued to do so until Well’s walked up asking what was going on. 
“What the hell are you doing?” Wells questions
“Just leave it,” You whisper to Bellamy but he doesn’t listen.
“We’re liberating ourselves. What does it look like?” Bellamy responds defensively.
“It looks like you're trying to get us all killed. The communication system is dead. These wristbands are all we got. Take them off, and the Ark will think we're dying, that it's not safe for them to follow.”
“That's the point, Chancellor. We can take care of ourselves, can't we?!” Bellamy says as the other kids around agree. You started to tune out the conversation until you heard Wells state, “My father didn't write the laws.”
“He may have not written them, but he enforced them,” You protest back, crossing your arms.
“So did your father, when he was on the Council,” You hear the kids around you murmur confused.
“Yes. He did. Until your father didn’t let them save my mom, floated my father and locked me up for trying! You don’t get to say that Wells, I’m not privileged like you. Not for five years. Down here we have free will, we don’t have to listen to what they want anymore.” 
“Here, there are no laws. Here, we do whatever the hell we want whenever the hell we want. Now, you don't have to like it, Wells. You can even try to stop it or change it, kill me. You know why? Whatever the hell we want.” Bellamy says agreeing with me. 
The crowd began to erupt into a chant, “ Whatever the hell we want! Whatever the hell we want! Whatever the hell we want!” 
All of a sudden we heard thunder and rain started to fall. You look up to the sky and feel the drops of water fall on your face, you then look over and smile at Bellamy who smiles back. Wells says something to Bellamy but you couldn’t hear over everyone else.
After the rain and everyone calmed down from the excitement you went to the Dropship and set up a makeshift bed. Of course, you were left with only so much, since most of the other kids had taken the other supplies you had left. 
“Here,” You hear a deep voice behind you, knowing who it is. You turn around to see Bellamy holding out a tarp towards you. 
“No, use it for yourself. I have enough here,” You say to him gesturing to your makeshift bed. He sets it on top of your stuff anyways and you sigh, “if you insist,” You say and bend down to fix it how you want.
“Goodnight,” You say to Bellamy as you lay down and try to get comfortable.
“Goodnight, Y/N.” He replies and goes to his own makeshift bed. Or more like a fort with tarps hung up to give him privacy. You think to yourself, that he must really have these kids wrapped around his finger if they built that for them.
After a couple of hours of trying to fall asleep, you hear some rustling. Letting your curiosity getting the best of you, you follow the bodies walking out of the Dropship after the last one left. Once you were able to get a clear picture of the people, you noticed it was Bellamy, the Johns and two other guys. They went to wake up Wells and led him to a clearing. You watched the events unfold as they threaten and force him to take off his wristband.
Unfortunately, as you stepped to try to get a closer look, you stepped on a stick and it snapped loudly. Disappointed in your very bad sneaking skills, you hide behind the tree. As a guy who was sent to check out what the noise was approaching you, you tried to take a swing at him but he caught your arm, pulled you to his chest and put a knife to your throat. 
“Well, look who we have here,” Murphy says as he presses the knife in your neck. He leads you out into the clearing. “We have a little spy here,” He says to Bellamy and the other guys.
“She’s not a spy, let her go. Take Wells back to the camp.” Bellamy says. Murphy doesn’t waver and just presses the knife closer, drawing some blood as the other guys forcefully pick up Wells. 
“Now!” Bellamy demands as you elbow Murphy in the stomach making him let go and walk away with the other guys. You cross your arms and wait until they’re far enough to speak. 
Bellamy tries to wipe away the blood on your neck with his sleeve before you push his arm away, “I’m fine, but why did you have to do that,” You ask sternly and Bellamy sighs.
“Look, we had to scare him and…” 
“No. No, you didn’t, there are better ways of getting people like him behind you. You don’t need to make people scared to stand behind you,” You exclaim. 
“Y/N, the longer people deflect and don’t make the Ark think we’re dying. The people up there are closer to coming down here,” Bellamy says looking up at the sky. 
“You don’t think I know that!? Do you really think that I want the people who wouldn’t help my mom, who floated my dad, and imprisoned me at 12 years old, to come down here and punish us again? I don’t but we don’t need to put fear in people to do it.” You rant and feel tears start to fall down your face.
“No, but…” Bellamy starts, but you walk away. He starts to say your name but you get too far to hear the rest of it.
You go back to the camp and clean your neck up with the water that Wells gathered. You feel more tears run down your face as you continue to think about your parents, wishing that you could’ve saved them both. After a few minutes, Bellamy walked into camp, you just glared at him before returning to your bed in the Dropship. You finally fall asleep after lying awake for a few more hours.
A/N: Here is the first official part of my 100 series, Virago. Let me know what you think. I haven’t come out with a set release schedule my series. I think I may release parts for this one on Saturday (pt. 2 this sat) and my TVD one on Sunday (pt. 6 this sun). I’ll try for a while and see if that works. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to let me know if you want to be tagged in future parts. Stay safe and healthy.
Taglist: @im-a-writer-right​
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alternislatronemhq · 4 years
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Congrats, BELLA, you have been accepted to AL for the role of FRANK LONGBOTTOM (FC: John Boyega). add some comments and stuff here. BELLYBOO! Wow, what a great app! It’s so exciting to have Frank here, and your portrayal of him just made me fall even more in love with him and your writing. OMG I can’t wait to see some of your plot ideas play out. Rachie is about to be PUMPED. Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist. Welcome home (once again), we’re so excited to have you join the family!
OOC
name — bella! hi it’s me. age — 24. pronouns — she/hers/her. timezone — pst. activity level — i would give myself somewhere around a seven, but i always post at least twice a week.
IC Overview
name —franklin ibiyemi longbottom. faceclaim — john boyega age — 29. gender —cis-male. sexuality — heterosexual. patronus — elephant; frank is formidable, but not in the way that alastor moody is formidable. he’s a calming presence, one that brings people together, especially in times of crisis. he’s also known to be the protector, the person who will make sure others in his life are put first. his father’s patronus was also an elephant, and it’s a fact that he wears with pride. boggart — when frank was a little boy, a boggart escaped from a cabinet in his mother’s office. then, the creature appeared to him as a gigantic spider, scrambling around the house after him as he screeched for one of his family members. when frank was in school, slughorn allowed him to see another boggart. then, it was the thought of not being successful. of not living up to his mother’s expectations. it was an image of himself living on the side of the road, alone and without anyone in his family by his side. when he was finally an auror, it was his own death. he was so afraid of losing himself to the cause that it became his biggest fear.
his boggart has changed throughout his life. maybe that means that he’s always been scared; always been afraid of what might be. although he hasn’t seen a boggart recently, frank is certain it would be the loss of alice or neville, which is maybe his biggest fear of all. he now has a family, and he would be lost if he were to lose them.
IC In Depth
personality traits —
+ compassionate: frank has always been kind. he’s had a heart for those who need it; a keen eye to help when someone is hurting. he’s never known how he got pushed into the role of being the person people lean on, but he enjoys it. he enjoys knowing that he can make someone feel better with a long talk or a cuppa. it quite reminds him of his father, stern and stoic as he was. their ability to soothe was similar, and frank had always admired that in himself.
+ flexible: although steadfast in his morals, frank is not one to be stubborn. he easily bends his mind if it means that the job (or the conversation) will be easier. it makes him a good friend; a person who is easy to apologize for mistakes he’s made or the person hew as in the past. frank learns easily and doesn’t like to stay in one spot. he hopes to grow, and knows that it is impossible to do so if he isn’t flexible.
- over-protective: although he, sometimes, finds his protectiveness a use, for the most part it just gets in frank’s way. he can’t seem to stop protecting the people he cares about. if he knows they need help, he will over-help to the point where they might start to resent him. frank doesn’t know when to stop, and he truly doesn’t know what it does to the people around. he doesn’t realize that he might be stepping over lines that he shouldn’t be crossing.
- paranoid: hand-in-hand with his over-protectiveness is frank’s paranoia. especially since the war ended, frank has almost sounded like a conspiracy-theorist. he knows with every inch of his being  that the war will come back. he knows that he must take every precaution to keep them safe. this makes him not only a bit less present in his family life but in his job. he’s not quite sure how to stop it but it’s taking a toll on his mental health as well. it’s not long before he knows his physical health will go down the drain too.
character biography —
When Frank was born, no one would’ve expected him to turn out an auror. He was scared of everything: from too hot pans to tiny bugs that would appear in the kitchen. No one could understand how this child was the product of one Augusta and Abaeze Longbottom. For many years, Frank couldn’t understand it himself. His mother was on the Wizengamot and his father, having immigrated from Nigeria, rose his way in a new country through the Department of Mysteries (like his father before him). They were fearless supporters of muggleborn rights (although Augusta was not exactly the best at showing that support outside the debate room), bright minds leading Wizarding England into the future. Meanwhile, Frank couldn’t even learn to hold his wand properly without fumbling when a spark shot out of it.
Of course, that put a slight strain on his relationship with his parents, especially his mother. Where Abaeze had learned to be patient, Augusta had learned frustration. She would often get short with her son if he wasn’t able to figure out a spell and, even at a young age, expected nothing more than her son to be perfect. Frank tried as hard as he could to please her, and earned the reputation of a goody-two-shoes. Where other pure blood kids would sneak off at social gatherings to play games, Frank remained either with a book in his hand or socializing with those adults whom his mother hoped to please. And, a part of him never minded. He adored his alone time, especially if they meant settling in with a good book. Nothing to scare him there. Only words and stories that he longed to be real. He’d practically exhausted the selection in their home library by the time his Hogwarts letter arrived.
Frank finally was given an owl and a wand (his own wand! something he could hold and not fear an explosion from), and was sent off on the Express with few words of wisdom and money for pasties on the train. He was determined to make friends this go round, after all, muggleborns and halfbloods would be here as well. Maybe it was fate that he ended up in Alice’s cart. He knew of her, of course, from pureblood society, and was disappointed at first not to meet someone different. That disappointment quickly turned to a feeling of luck. He’d never met anyone who he’d bonded with faster than Alice Rosier.
When they got to Hogwarts, he was shocked to find the hat almost instantly shouting Gryffindor! upon touching his head. As if a switch had been flipped, Augusta wrote with a letter saying how proud she was that her son was in the same house as her. A bit of the pressure she’d put on him began to lessen, especially as Frank’s grades proved to be formidable. Soon, although still afraid of a lot, Frank began following in his parents’ footsteps. He even got detention once for trying to stop a Slytherin pureblood from hurting a first year muggleborn. His mother had cried tears of pride upon hearing that fact (although Frank still got a talking to as to why it was wrong to curse a bully and not talk to them first).
It was on a warm spring day that an Auror visited their Defense Against the Dark Arts class and talked about what it was like to work as a premiere wizarding law enforcement agent. Frank was star-struck. Starting his fourth year, Frank came into school with a new purpose and it wasn’t long before he started to look forward to the future. With a recommendation from both Flitwick and McGonagall, Frank was almost instantly accepted to the program, especially upon getting Head Boy in his final year of school. It was sometime in there (although Frank never was certain when he fell in love with Alice, he always just was in love with her) that he’d asked Alice to be his girlfriend. When they became aurors together, well, that was just a cherry on a very tasty cake.
And then the war started.
It was almost like his dream turned slowly into a nightmare. The bright edges turned a little bit grayer. Yet, there were always moments of sunshine. He and Alice got married and had Neville. Frank thought he knew love; thought he knew what it meant to be in love, but then Neville was born and it was like the entire world had stopped. The prophecy was spoken and he felt as though he were going to explode every day with the thought of keeping his son safe. He didn’t expect what was to happen next. He didn’t know that it would be his mother to be the one to save his son.
To this day, he wishes it were him. Frank feels a deep sense of regret that his father was left alone because his mother did what he couldn’t. Of course, he wasn’t home. Alice and himself were on a mission. It’s been five years and he still feels a deep sense of guilt for what happened to his mother. And, surprisingly, he misses her. He misses her quips and her over-the-top speeches. He misses her silly outfits and the way she had to wear her hat just right. But most of all, he misses the fact that he had just started to become friends with his mum. The war is over but he can’t help but think that it might start up again. And Frank refuses to lose anyone. No, not this time. Frank would be damned if he let anyone take away his family again.
plot ideas —
madness: i want to see what happens if frank lets his paranoia take over. he’s got a good heart, but what if he thinks his family is in trouble? what if he thinks that alice or neville might be at risk again? he would go to any lengths to see them safe, even if that means betraying what he believes in.
grief: i don’t think that frank has ever truly dealt with what happened with his mother. he has never given himself the time to realize what happened to her and take a breath. he has been so consumed with taking care of everyone else, namely his dad, that he hasn’t thought about taking care of himself. what happens if he gives in to his grief? what happens if he finds himself falling in too deep?
care: frank cares deeply about his friends and he can’t imagine what lily potter is going through right now. while he wants to make sure remus was alright, he also hopes that the young mother is taking care of herself as well. while he knows there’s not much he could do, the thought of losing alice in an attack was enough to make him want to help in any way he can.
worry: while he knows that remus doesn’t need the care, he worries about the younger man. his status as a werewolf is precarious at best, and frank doesn’t know just how to help. he fears he’s overdoing it. and what if he is? what if he’s pushing remus away because he cares too much? it’s the dad in him, of course, but he hopes he won’t lose a friend in his paranoia.
family: frank knows that alice is having a rough time lately, just like his father. they are both feeling as guilty as he is, and he hopes to take some of that guilt off their shoulders. besides, he loves alice more than anything in the world. maybe it’s time that he shows them what his love means.
work: i want something to go terribly wrong for frank at work. i think up to this point he’s had no conflict there. he’s good at his job, but what if his paranoia makes him suffer? what if his inability to stop makes him lose some of his security?
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Response to an Elia Stan
Hi, @super-sonic-woman
I hope you don’t mind I started a new post. I hat clogging up the comments section and this makes responding to you a lott easier and concise because, I’ll have your arguments in bold and mine in italic. So to begin with
So any criticism of you is unacceptable unless it’s kind and mannerly?
No, I am all for constructive criticism and healthy friendly debate. What I’m  not up for  is being talked down to or disrespected for having an opinion that differs from yours. Telling me “Fuck you” was uncalled for. You brought that energy into my life so I gave it right back to you. For that I apologize, it was harsh and I was on the defensive. Still its not excuse for treating you with anything less than courtesy hopefully you will offer me the same. 
 Just because Rhaegar was in love doesn’t give him the right saunter out of an marriage built on an alliance between KL and drone just to have another child. 
Doesn't it though, Strictly from a medieval monarchial and political stand point? Yes, Rhaegar was in love with Lyanna, and while that was a big motivation let’s put that to the side for the moment and look at the other reason this course of action would make sense for him. The cold hard facts if you will. His marriage to Elia was just that a political alliance.  A bargain between the Crown and Dorne, that Elia would be the future Queen of the Seven Kingdoms by marrying Rhaegar, thus strengthening Dorne’s own political power within the realm and in return she would give Rhaegar as many MALE children as he needed (Usually at least 2) to assure the line of succession and cement the future of the kingdom.
This practice is colloquially referred to as “The Heir and The Spare”. The practice in essence is that the King or soon to be King needs not only a male heir to inherit his throne after he is dead but also a spare son in case something happens to the heir. Being as Westeros is a pseudo-medieval society, this practice is notably in place not just for the royal family but all the highborn Lords of the major houses.
 Elia gave him two children. A girl and a boy. One boy. After her son’s birth she was told that she could have no more children. So that leaves Rhaegar with an heir and no spare which he needed. So what’s a Prince to do? What every King, Prince, and  Highborn Noble has done since that dawn of time. Take a new wife. 
Would Dorne be salty about it? Probably. God knows Spain was salty about what Henry VIII did to Katherine of Aragon but thats the way the cookie crumbles. Elia was not able to fufill her end of the bargain that Dorne struck with the crown. So bargain null and void. Its a harsh reality but it is a reality and as long as Aegon remained in the line of succession I think they would have gotten over it. 
It was your last line that just pissed me off. Oh rhaegar deserves better does he? he brought everything on himself. he CHOSE to annul the marriage in secret. he CHOSE to be with Lyanna without telling anyone. I’m not saying he deserved to die but he did some pretty shitty things that had grave consequences. 
Your right he did bring alot of grief on himself. He made choices and he was not free from their consequences. When i say he deserved better I mean he deserved to be able to make the choice to love Lyanna and marry her. Now he’s not free from being held accountable for that, but he did not deserve to die and he does not deserve to be held accountable for the death of Elia and her children. That was entirely the Lannisters doing. However the fanbase vilifies him for it. The Martells clearly didn’t blame him for it or they would hate the Targaryens as much as the Lannisters. Which clearly they don’t given that they were trying to support a Targaryen restoration by putting first Viserys and then Daenerys back on the throne. 
He is not a victim. Elia is. she didn’t have a choice in anything. 
Ok this where you completely lose me. He was a victim, so was Elia, so was Lyanna, so was Brandon Stark, and Rickard Stark. So was basically everyone, some were less of a victim than others but still a victim of circumstance none the less. 
We don’t know if Elia had a choice or not. We’ve never even had any lines of dialogue from her pertaining or around the time of Robert’s Rebellion. That's what pisses me off, everyone assumes Elia was affronted and betrayed by Rhaegar’s choice. She could have just as easily been fine with it. WE DON”T KNOW HOW ELIA FELT ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE ELIA HAS NEVER BEEN GIVEN ANY DIALOGUE. So its easy for her to be painted as pure as a lily, naive and passive to what ever mean horndog Rhaegar forced her into. Because we know so little we try to fill in the gaps. Well she must be totally free of any decision that lead her to the position she found herself in. She must be this scorned woman who was left to be bullied by her Mad father in law after her heartless bastard of a husband left her for another woman and was then brutally murdered at behest of the Lannisters. Its easy to just say Elia was a victim which is I think mysognitic and bullshit. We don’t know, don’t assign characteristics to someone based on very little evidence. 
You kept going on about love and how Rhaegar deserved to be with the woman he loved but that’s not how this world works. Marriages are not built on love they are built on alliances. Rhaegar broke an alliance. this world has different rules than our own. but you know that cus your okay with Rhaegar being in love and impregnating a 15 year old. but having to be with Elia even tho he didn’t love her is worse to you? i just want justice for Elia. was that kind enough?
He did deserve to have love and happiness we all do unfortunately your right that’s not how this world works. Marriages for the high born were not built on love but alliance. (Arguable since the Targaryens spent hundreds of years intermarrying, if they were so worried about alliance, they would have stopped doing that when their dragons died out but that's a different post.). But your right and it was an alliance. An alliance that Rhaegar kept even after he met Lyanna and crowned her the Queen of Love and Beauty, signifying his interest in her. Still he stayed with Elia remained to our knowledge at least faithful to her.  Gave her another child even though he was probably in love with Lyanna at the time. It was after Aegon was born and Elia could no longer give him more sons that Rhaegar left her for Lyanna. So the alliance (bargain) as I stated before was already broken. 
I want justice for Elia as well. I just wish people would stop seeking it tearing down and blaming Rhaegar. You want justice for her?  Seek it from the people who deserve to pay for what happened to her. The Mountain. The Lannisters. Just as Doran and Oberyn do. 
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achangeinpriorities · 4 years
Note
Prompt: Len betrayed Barry with Sara during his journey with the Legends. Barry and Leonard had been married for a year. One night Mick is drunk he says this phrase "Snart, how was sex with Sara?", Unfortunately Barry was there and he heard everything. They quarrel and divorce. In the end they try to start over and be a couple again ... but Barry will hate Sara Lance forever!
Hullo anon! I don’t think I’ve ever done a cheating fic before, so I’m sorry if this is a bit rubbish. Once again, cross-posted to AO3 for anyone who prefers it there (link here). Here you go:
Len hasn’t felt this kind of excitement—this kind of challenge—since first meeting the Flash. He’s intrigued, of course he is, and that’s his downfall. The fact that Sara flirts as readily with him as he does with her only makes matters worse.
They have one night—one wild, mildly painful, exquisite night that starts with sparring and ends with Leonard pinned down on his bed. When all is done, Sara curls on top of him like a cat and falls asleep. Leonard lets her, mostly because he doesn’t want to be beaten up for waking her.
He sleeps poorly. Sometime around one in the morning, the full impact of what he’s done hits him and he has to restrain himself from shoving Sara off the bed in disgust. (He’s not upset with her, not truly. He’s disgusted with himself.)
“Shouldn’t have put a ring on me,” he whispers into the darkness.
The next day, he freezes Sara out as effectively as he’s ever frozen out anyone who’s gotten too close. Mick notices, because unfortunately Mick notices a lot more than he admits, but the others take it for his customary rudeness. Well, Leonard amends, Rip might know. He’s nosy that way, and Leonard wouldn’t put it past him to have Gideon report on illicit goings-on.
This suspicion is confirmed partway through the day when Rip takes him aside, folds his arms, and demands, “Is this going to be a problem?”
“No.” Leonard feigns interest in an old map to avoid having to meet Rip’s eyes. “I need to make it clear to Sara that it won’t happen again. Beyond that, no, it won’t impact our working relationship.”
Rip raises an eyebrow. “There aren’t rules against fraternization on my ship. Lord knows it makes everything easier if there are, but that seems hypocritical, given how I fared when faced with such restrictions.”
Leonard glares at him. “I thought you knew everything about everyone you brought on board. I’m married.”
Rip’s eyes widen and his mouth drops into a comical ‘o’ of surprise. “Oh,” he murmurs. “No. That’s…not in any records.”
“Well, no, it wasn’t.” At Leonard’s insistence, and somewhat reluctantly, Stein had performed the ceremony. Beyond that, they took no legal steps; Leonard hadn’t wanted to jeopardize his husband’s future. (Being married to a thief tends to close otherwise promising doors.)
“Gideon,” Rip appeals to the computer, “did you know about this?”
Leonard has never heard Gideon sound so disapproving. “I did,” she replies, “given that he married my creator, Barry Allen.”
Rip gapes at him in a mix of shock and horror. Leonard has never felt smaller or more repulsive. He does what he always does in such situations: he lashes out. “That’s right. I just cheated on the Flash. What kind of monster does that make me?”
“Human,” Rip says simply.
Leonard leaves without a backwards glance. He lied to Rip. He’s not repulsive for cheating on the Flash, although by most people’s standards that of itself is an unforgivable crime; he’s the lowest kind of scum for cheating on Barry, the relentless optimist who forced him to be a better person and who, should he ever find out, will probably try to convince him that they can recover from this, too. He vows then that the kid can never know. He can’t face his earnest attempts to make it right.
 ***
After defeating Vandal Savage and the Time Masters with some help from an ex-Time Master and his daughter, the Legends return to their own time victorious. The others celebrate. Alone of them, Leonard dreads the return. What exactly is he going to tell Barry?
As soon as the Wave Rider touches down, the others bolt for the door. Leonard lingers, trying to find the courage to face the excited speedster he knows will be waiting for him. Then a cool voice speaks from behind him.
“Mr. Snart, I do not usually stoop to threats, but if you hurt my creator and you ever step foot onto my ship again, I will make your life hell.”
Threats from a computer program. This is what Leonard’s life has come to. “Duly noted, Gideon.”
By the time he leaves the Wave Rider, their welcome party has turned into a real party. He spots Sara reuniting with her sister and Oliver, Stein embracing Clarissa, Jax and Ronnie clasping hands, and Cisco batting Mick away from a vial of disturbingly crimson liquid. His observations are cut short by a familiar blur of scarlet that speeds into his arms. “Len!”
“Barry.” Leonard feels so thoroughly disgusting that he can barely bring himself to hug his husband. Barry notices, of course, but he takes it the wrong way.
“You’re tired, of course you are, you’ve been jumping all through time and Sara said you almost got blown up and do you want me to run you home? Or do you wanna stay? Do you want cuddles or should I back off?”
They should go home. The longer they’re around the rest of the Legends, the greater the probability someone will let something slip. Leonard is about to say so when Cisco calls, “Barry, bring your…Snart…and get down here!”
Against his will, Leonard finds himself coaxed down the walkway and led into the middle of the party. Barry cuddles him insistently, although Leonard doubts he’s aware of it; he’s simply too tactile not to. He forces himself not to pull away. Barry wants to be touched, to be held close, to be loved. After what Leonard has done, fulfilling these wishes seems like the least he can do.
They’re in the middle of a fascinating exchange with Thea when Mick wanders over, reeking of alcohol. “Hey Snart,” he rumbles. “Just overheard Sara and her sister. When were you gonna tell me you slept with her?”
The room goes still and breathless. Barry turns to him, a question in his eyes, desperate to be told that Mick is confused. Leonard can’t give him that.
“No,” Barry says when the silence has stretched too long. “No, no, no, no, no, Len, say something, say he misheard…”
Every guilt-induced nightmare Leonard has had to this point pales in comparison to the look of abject horror on Barry’s face. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to watch the impact of his words. “He didn’t, Barry. I slept with Sara during the mission.”
Barry makes a wounded sound as though Leonard has struck him. When Leonard glances at him, he’s leaning against Thea for support. She’s glaring daggers at him, and he braces himself for a well-deserved reprimand when unexpected trumpets sound from their right.
“Ah!” Cisco jumps, scrabbles at his pocket, and mutes his phone. Every eye turns to him. He stares at the ground, gives a sheepish mutter of “I have to…I’m just gonna…go, now,” and skulks away. As he passes Leonard, he mutters, “By the way, I’m going to kill you.”
Leonard nods in curt acknowledgment of the threat but doesn’t turn his attention from Barry. “There’s nothing I can say,” he murmurs.
Barry draws in a shaky breath. “We’re not doing this here.”
That’s Leonard’s only warning before he finds himself at home. The world spins around him and he lurches violently to the left. Before, Barry has always steadied him with a hand on his arm or his waist. This time, he watches impassively as Leonard leans against the counter for balance.
“I’m sorry,” Leonard manages. “I know it’s not nearly enough…”
“No, it’s not!” Barry bursts out. He looks up at the ceiling. Leonard can’t tell whether he’s on the verge of tears or simply too frustrated to look anywhere else. When he speaks, his voice breaks. “You cheated on me?”
Leonard feels obligated to say, “Don’t blame Sara. It was my fault.”
“I know that!” Barry’s voice hitches on a sob. Before Leonard can apologize again (and oh, God, how he wants to), he clears his throat and tries again. “I don’t blame Sara, she didn’t know, it’s on you for saying yes—oh no, no, wait, you said yes, didn’t you?”
Leonard scoffs. Even now, faced with indisputable evidence of how self-centered and cold he is, Barry can’t help trying to give him an out. “She didn’t force me, Scarlet. I said yes and I kept saying yes.” Admitting as much aloud is rubbing salt into both of their wounds. Leonard nonetheless feels he owes it to Barry to lay the whole sordid affair bare.
“Why?” Barry bursts out. He drops his gaze from the ceiling to Leonard’s face, and Leonard sees tears shining on his lashes. “Are you that desperate that you couldn’t wait for me? Am I not enough? What did I do wrong that made you not want to wait for me?”
Leonard’s heart shatters. No, Barry can’t think this is his fault. “It wasn’t you. I’m selfish and shortsighted and Sara was there, and I didn’t think about how it would hurt you until it was done.” His instinct is to push until Barry snaps, because he can handle anger and it’ll be better for the kid to realize that there’s nothing to fix. He’s just not strong enough to be cruel when faced with Barry’s heartbroken pleading. “I don’t have a defense. What I did was cruel and it hurt you and it hurt her, and all I can say is that I’ve hated myself so fucking much since it happened.”
“That doesn’t make it better,” Barry says in a broken whisper. Leonard reaches out to him out of habit, desperate to hold him. He shies away. “I can’t, I can’t. I need to just…I need to not be here right now.”
Leonard doesn’t stop him. After what he’s done, how can he?
***
Miraculously, Leonard manages to avoid the STAR Labs crew and the rest of the Legends for a week. On the eighth day, he returns to his house and finds Barry standing uneasily in the kitchen.
“Barry,” he says in surprise. He hadn’t thought, after what he did, that Barry would want anything to do with him.
“Don’t, don’t talk.” Barry holds up both hands. “I scripted for this all week and I’ve got to say it or I’m gonna lose my nerve. Okay.” He draws a deep breath and relaxes into a not-quite-easy stance. “I’m really, really upset that you slept with Sara knowing that I was here waiting for you. I’m not so upset that I can’t forgive you, but I’m going to need time—and no jokes about time travel from you because that’ll just piss me off more. I wanna move back in and I want things to go back to normal but I don’t…” The determination drains from him. He looks small and weary and hopelessly lost. “I don’t know how to trust you again. That’s something you have to earn back.”
It’s more than Leonard had hoped for, and more levelheaded than the emotional pleas of “Let me try to fix this” that he’d envisioned on the Wave Rider. The request for boundaries and time is something he can respect. “I won’t push you, Scarlet.”
Barry squares his shoulders. “I’m going to ask you not to call me that,” he says firmly. “Not until I say you can.”
Leonard nods. He can respect that, too. ‘Scarlet’ is a pet name; it’s more than fair that Barry wouldn’t want a reminder of the easy intimacy between them when he’s so thoroughly destroyed it. “I can do that.”
Once again, Barry’s determination melts away. Leonard gets a glimpse of deep, aching pain that cuts him like a shard of glass; then the kid tucks it away into a look of weary defeat. “Then, yeah,” he says. “I guess we give this another try.”
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salems-varieties · 5 years
Text
Anime for Halloween
I should have posted this before my movies list. But hell, It’s here now and Y’all can binge-watch over the next month. But little disclaimer. These are anime I have seen and ones I associate with Halloween because they have to do with something from the holiday. So anything with Vampires, witches, demons, etc. Anything I got a Halloween-y vibe from. This list is gonna be kind of long. Now time for me to suffer typing it and yall to get an idea from reading it. 
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Title
Synopsis
My thoughts on the Anime
Everything in bold is strictly my opinion. Agree to disagree with me, and put down your own opinion in repost or in the comments but be respectful. Rude or anything of the sort will be deleted or reported depending on the severity.
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07-Ghost
Teito Klein, a student at the academy, is one of the most promising soldiers produced. Although ridiculed by everyone for being a sklave (German for slave) with no memories of his past, he is befriended by a fellow student called Mikage. While preparing for the final exam, Teito uncovers a dark secret related to his past. When an attempt to assassinate Ayanami, a high-ranking official who killed his father, fails, Teito is locked away awaiting punishment.
This one is religious, HOWEVER, Demons and the Gods of Death kinda make it more Halloween-y so :p Also as a side note; It’s only subbed so all y’all who prefer dub are gonna be disappointed.
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Ancient Magus Bride
Chise Hatori, a 15-year-old Japanese girl, was sold for five million pounds at an auction to a tall masked gentleman. Abandoned at a young age and ridiculed by her peers for her unconventional behavior, she was ready to give herself to any buyer if it meant having a place to go home to. In chains and on her way to an unknown fate, she hears whispers from robed men along her path, gossiping and complaining that such a buyer got his hands on a rare "Sleigh Beggy." Ignoring the murmurs, the mysterious man leads the girl to a study, where he reveals himself to be Elias Ainsworth—a magus. After a brief confrontation and a bit of teleportation magic, the two open their eyes to Elias' picturesque cottage in rural England. Greeted by fairies and surrounded by weird and wonderful beings upon her arrival, these events mark the beginning of Chise's story as the apprentice and supposed bride of the ancient magus.
I love this one so much. My only issue is what would have made it more Halloween inspired would have been if they’s gone through Samhain and not skipped straight to Yule. BUT monsters, mages, witches, alchemists, and fae make this anime perfect for magic inspire Halloween watch.
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Another
In 1972, a popular student in Yomiyama North Middle School's class 3-3 named Misaki passed away during the school year. Since then, the town of Yomiyama has been shrouded by a fearful atmosphere, from the dark secrets hidden deep within.
Horror, horror, horror and gore. Enjoy this with friends and family who have a strong stomach and are old enough to not get scared. The deaths are absolutely horrific and it takes place all around a middle school class. (Read the novel, of the same name, it’s based off if you dare)
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Ao no Exorcist
Humans and demons are two sides of the same coin, as are Assiah and Gehenna, their respective worlds. The only way to travel between the realms is by the means of possession, like in ghost stories. However, Satan, the ruler of Gehenna, cannot find a suitable host to possess and therefore, remains imprisoned in his world. In a desperate attempt to conquer Assiah, he sends his son instead, intending for him to eventually grow into a vessel capable of possession by the demon king.
Anyone who’s been around anime long enough knows or knows of this anime. Who wouldn’t have added this into their Halloween Anime list? It has to do with Demons and the Son of Satan.
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Black Butler  
Young Ciel Phantomhive is known as "the Queen's Guard Dog," taking care of the many unsettling events that occur in Victorian England for Her Majesty. Aided by Sebastian Michaelis, his loyal butler with seemingly inhuman abilities, Ciel uses whatever means necessary to get the job done. But is there more to this black-clad butler than meets the eye?
Classic as well. Don’t forget the movies and season 3. We don’t speak of season 2 0.0″ Also the manga has taken a VERY dark turn as of recent so if you’re looking for reading material, there you go.
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Blood-C 
Peaceful schoolgirl by day, fearsome monster slayer by night, Saya Kisaragi is leading a split life. Equipped with a ceremonial sword given to her by her father for sacred tasks, she vanquishes every monster who dares threaten her quiet little village. But all too soon, Saya's reality and everything she believes to be true is tested, when she overhears the monsters speak of a broken covenant—something she knows nothing about. And then, unexpectedly, a strange dog appears; it asks her to whom she promised to protect the village, curious as to what would happen if she were to break that promise. Tormented by unexplainable visions and her world unraveling around her, we travel with Saya through her struggle to find a way to the truth in a village where nothing is as it seems.
Another very gory anime. Children, please do avoid.
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Bloodivores
60 years ago, a strange case of insomnia struck the population, forcing them to stay awake for more than a full week. The victims, completely sleep deprived, all went mad. To cure this illness, a new medicine was produced, but the side effects turned the patients into vampires. Humanity went to war against this new species and triumphed, but some of the vampires managed to survive. Born from a Human and a Vampire, the main character Mi Liu, "The Child of Hope," is to represent the new hope that will connect the two species. Ringleader of a bank robbery, Mi Liu is arrested and transferred to a special prison of the National Defense Agency that monitors Vampires.
Genetically created vampires. Need I say more?
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Blood Lad
Staz Charlie Blood is a powerful vampire who rules the Eastern district of Demon World. According to rumors, he is a bloodthirsty and merciless monster, but in reality, Staz is just an otaku obsessed with Japanese culture and completely uninterested in human blood. Leaving the management of his territory to his underlings, Staz spends his days lazing around, indulging in anime, manga, and games.
A vampire otaku... Thank you, this is exactly what I needed. 
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D.Gray-Man
Losing a loved one is so painful that one may sometimes wish to be able to resurrect them—a weakness that the enigmatic Millennium Earl exploits. To make his mechanical weapons known as "Akuma," he uses the souls of the dead that are called back. Once a soul is placed in an Akuma, it is trapped forever, and the only way to save them is to exorcise them from their vessel using the Anti-Akuma weapon, "Innocence."
*Piece of advice. D. Gray-Man the first series was not finished in Dub if you’re one who prefers Dub. So heading into D. Gray-Man Hollow, you’ll be confused as hell. It’s best to just watch Sub so you don’t have to worry about missing a huge chunk of info. 
But if you like anime about demons and exorcists there’s more than just Blue Exorcist. This one I suggest because it’s phenomenal, but that’s personal opinion XD
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Dance with Devils
Ritsuka Tachibana has always been a good student, so she is completely shocked when she is suddenly summoned by the student council. Even more, they seem to think of Ritsuka as a troublemaker. Led by the handsome Rem Kaginuki, the student council—also consisting of Urie Sogami, Shiki Natsumizaka, and Mage Nanashiro—tries to question her, but it soon becomes clear that they have ulterior motives.
This is one based off an Otome (Dating game) so try YT for gameplay if you wanna see the whole story. Yet another about demons and exorcists, but this time there are vampires and Cerberus added to the mix. Plus for those who know-how Otome heroines are basically pushovers, this one has a strong-willed girl as our protagonist. Thank you, Ritsuka for breaking the mold T/\T
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Diabolik Lovers
At the behest of her father, Yui Komori goes to live in a secluded mansion, home to the six Sakamaki brothers—Shuu, Reiji, Ayato, Kanato, Laito, and Subaru—a family of vampires. Though at first the siblings are confused as to why the girl has arrived, they soon realize that she is to be their new "sacrificial bride," not to mention their other, more carnal intentions for her. After meeting the brothers, Yui quickly begins to question why her father would have sent her here and why she feels a strange, new pain in her chest. With each brother more sadistic than the last, Yui's life as a captive takes a harrowing turn in her new home. As her days turn into endless nights, and each brother vows to make her his own, Yui falls deeper and deeper into madness and ecstasy.
Otome with like 4? games, try YT for gameplay. I’m a little sad that it only has two seasons and the episodes are like 13-15 minutes long. Still, if you like Otome based games, you’ve most likely seen this. DO NOT EXPECT VANILLA ROMANCE. THIS IS NOT A FUN RIDE IF YOU EXPECT THAT.
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Death Note
A shinigami, as a god of death, can kill any person—provided they see their victim's face and write their victim's name in a notebook called a Death Note. One day, Ryuk, bored by the shinigami lifestyle and interested in seeing how a human would use a Death Note, drops one into the human realm.
Classic... But not my personal cup of tea. I added it because it’s a salute to one of my dear friends.
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Little Witch Academia
"A believing heart is your magic!"—these were the words that Atsuko "Akko" Kagari's idol, the renowned witch Shiny Chariot, said to her during a magic performance years ago. Since then, Akko has lived by these words and aspired to be a witch just like Shiny Chariot, one that can make people smile. Hence, even her non-magical background does not stop her from enrolling in Luna Nova Magical Academy.
This one is just cute and intense. Witches are starting to die out but one girl wants desperately to be a witch like her idol was. I love how this brings in witchy elements and some fairy tale elements.
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Makai Ouji: Devils and Realist
The story revolves around William, an aristocratic family's progeny with rare intellect. One day, his uncle lost his possessions after his business failed. Fearing that his family's name has been tarnished, William returns home and searches with his family's butler for anything that can be converted into cash. A search of the premises yields an underground room left by an ancestor. In the room is a magical seal, and William unintentionally summons a devil. The summoned devil tells William his name Dantalion and reveals that William is the designator who can choose the acting ruler of the demon world.
If realists were like William, I think the world would be on fire. The poor people that have to deal with him. At least most of them are demons, maybe that will knock his head into gear... right?
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Miira No Kaikata 
High school student Sora Kashiwagi is accustomed to receiving bizarre presents from his father, who is on an expedition around the world. Unfortunately, these gifts have been nothing but nightmares. As a result, when his father sends him a huge package from Egypt, Sora prepares himself for the worst, only to be greeted by Mii-kun—a cute, pint-sized mummy! While initially wary, Sora soon learns that Mii-kun is harmless, a delicate creature yearning for attention.
I can understand people who don’t like horror or gore. I was there once. So here’s a cute anime about a boy and his pet mummy. Sanrio really did a great job turning the manga, which was darker than the anime, into something so cute and so wholesome.
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Mirai Nikki
Lonely high school student, Yukiteru Amano, spends his days writing a diary on his cellphone while conversing with his two seemingly imaginary friends Deus Ex Machina, who is the god of time and space, and Murmur, the god's servant. Revealing himself to be an actual entity, Deus grants Yukiteru a "Random Diary," which shows highly descriptive entries based on the future and forces him into a bloody battle royale with 11 other holders of similarly powerful future diaries.
I have no word on this.
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Owari no Seraph
With the appearance of a mysterious virus that kills everyone above the age of 13, mankind becomes enslaved by previously hidden, power-hungry vampires who emerge in order to subjugate society with the promise of protecting the survivors, in exchange for donations of their blood.
The Apocolypse starts and vampires rule the world. I dunno if that sounds like heaven or hell for me? But in this world, it would certainly be hell. Vampires rule the world but that doesn't mean the humans are gone. An army rises to protect what’s left from the bloodsuckers. And did I mention demons? Along with the concept of corrupt angels? Oh yeah, that’s gotta be hell on earth.
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Pandora Hearts
To young Oz Vessalius, heir to the Vessalius Duke House, the perilous world called the Abyss is nothing more than a folktale used to scare misbehaving children. However, when Oz's coming-of-age ceremony is interrupted by the malicious Baskerville Clan intent on banishing him into the depths of the Abyss, the Vessalius heir realizes that his peaceful life of luxury is at its end. Now, he must confront the world of the Abyss and its dwellers, the monstrous "Chains," which are both not quite as fake as he once believed.
I couldn't have found a better gif for this anime. It’s Alice in Wonderland inspired but with a much darker twist than what Disney gave us (and yes I do mean both the original and the Tim Burton version). Enjoy this one because it’s not all dark there is humor to break up the heart-wrenching. But don’t expect it to always be comical. 
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Phantom in the Twilight
Set in modern-day London, the story takes place in a world where "Shadows" are born from human fear and anxiety. A young girl arrives to study abroad, only to be caught in a bizarre incident as she enters university. In a city with no acquaintances, the helpless girl wanders into "Café Forbidden," a mysterious café that exclusively opens at midnight. She meets an assortment of handsome men employed at the café, where guardians who protect the boundary between humans and shadow convene
Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and even demons; this one would be great for Halloween. I will admit though, it’s lackluster considering these guys are supposed to be Dracula, the Wolfman, and so on. It might be someone’s cup of tea, just not everyone’s 
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Rosario to Vampire
Youkai Academy is a seemingly normal boarding school, except that its pupils are monsters learning to coexist with humans. All students attend in human form and take normal academic subjects, such as literature, gym, foreign language, and mathematics. However, there is one golden rule at Youkai Academy—all humans found on school grounds are to be executed immediately!
I couldn’t get through this one. I’m not gonna lie. It was basically light hentai and I’m not into that kinda stuff, but I feel like someone would have called me out for it not being here so T-T
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Servamp 
Mahiru Shirota firmly believes that simple is best and troublesome things should be avoided at all costs. It is troublesome to do nothing and regret it later—and this ideology has led the 15-year-old to pick up a stray cat on his way home from school. As he affectionately names the feline Kuro, little does he know that this chance meeting will spark an extraordinary change in his everyday life.
I’m gonna be completely honest, the manga was better. I love the anime don’t get me wrong. I’ve rewatched it many times. But it cut out so much from the manga. So as an anime, watch it first before reading the manga, then go back and nitpick. If you do it the other way around you may be more disappointed.
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Soul Eater
Death City is home to the famous Death Weapon Meister Academy, a technical academy headed by the Shinigami—Lord Death himself. Its mission: to raise "Death Scythes" for the Shinigami to wield against the many evils of their fantastical world. These Death Scythes, however, are not made from physical weapons; rather, they are born from human hybrids who have the ability to transform their bodies into Demon Weapons, and only after they have consumed the souls of 99 evil beings and one witch's soul. This one is perfect for Halloween with it’s dark but funny themes. If you prefer the cutesier stuff like I do sometimes try Soul Eater NOT! The concept of soul-eating monsters and a school that teaches teens to fight and destroy them, A+ content. Plus some of those teens turn into actual weapons. Where is my sign up sheet? I would gladly take that over normal boring high school. Also add the grim reaper into the mix then give him a funny voice and disposition. Gold I tell ya.
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Togainu no Chi
In the wake of a third world war that left Japan in ruins, an organization known as Vischio seized control of Tokyo and renamed it Toshima. Taking place in its back alleys are battle games known as Igura, overseen by the Vischio, in which contestants battle and bathe in each other's blood to earn the chance to go up against its tournament's king, Il-re.
This one is for all my lovely fujoshi/fudanshi peoples. It’s a dark anime and based off a rated M, BL Otome. Sinners welcome.
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Tokyo Ghoul
Tokyo has become a cruel and merciless city—a place where vicious creatures called “ghouls” exist alongside humans. The citizens of this once great metropolis live in constant fear of these bloodthirsty savages and their thirst for human flesh. However, the greatest threat these ghouls pose is their dangerous ability to masquerade as humans and blend in with society.
This one is mainstream for a reason. It’s a good story, anime or manga. Mainly manga. Anyway, I haven’t seen Re yet, but I’ve heard it’s sheit. Still gonna watch it though cause why the hell not.
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Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru
Growing up as an orphan, Yuki Sakurai questions his reason for living and the ability to see a person's painful memory by simply touching them. After receiving anonymous notes telling him to die, Yuki is unable to shake off the nagging feeling forming inside of him. Unbeknownst to him, he is being watched, both by people who want to harm him and those who want to protect him.
Reincarnation from a girl to a boy and the girl had a hot lover that is now with her male reincarnation. And the lover is a vampire. Man, that’s confusing but the story is good. I have yet to read the manga. The anime was great from what I can remember, so give it a shot. It’s another BL anime, so proceed with caution.
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Vampire Knight
Cross Academy is an elite boarding school with two separate, isolated classes: the Day Class and the Night Class. On the surface, Yuuki Cross and Zero Kiryuu are prefects of the academy and attempt to keep order between the students as classes rotate in the evenings. As the Night Class is full of utterly gorgeous elites, this can sometimes prove to be a bit difficult. It is completely necessary, however, as those "elites" are actually vampires. Yuuki and Zero act as guardians, protecting the secrets of the Night Class and the safety of their ignorant morning counterparts.
If twilight was an anime, but Bella and Edward were siblings and Jacob was another vampire. This is not a great anime but let's face it, some of us watched it as preteens, enjoyed it, and were head over heels for Zero and/or Kaname. It’s a trash anime, but great for those who are 21 and over. Do I hear drinking games, anyone?
All synopsis came from My Anime List (where the links take you). Also, I’m sorry it’s a lot to read, I just didn’t want to cut them down. Feel free to add what you think should have been on here, or what you think is a Halloween favorite on reposts. Comments are welcome and have a happy spooky season!
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getoffthesoapbox · 6 years
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[GS] Goblin Slayer’s Foundational Sublayers
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“Don't worry about the snakes in your garden when you've got spiders in your bed.”
I hope I’m not stepping on a landmine by posting about this particular show, given it’s controversial nature, but I’m quite floored by the layers I’m discovering in Goblin Slayer now that I’ve watched the first two episodes. I guess I’ll preface this with a couple disclaimers, then work out the rest under the cut.
First of all, I know nothing about Goblin Slayer other than that it is a light novel and has a manga variant. I’ve never read either, and have no intention of reading either in the near future. How the story unfolds or whether or not its intriguing and gripping premise devolves into pointless harem hijinks, I know not. If it’s merely a male power fantasy or if it has more substance, I know not. These things I will discover as they come within the anime. My post at this time is concerning what is right in front of me, the two episodes that are out. Whether the story can make good on what its more subtler layers are promising remains to be seen. 
Second of all, this post will not delve into the controversial elements of the two episodes other than to refer to them lightly as necessary. While I believe the human mind is stronger than common wisdom implies, I’m not interested in fighting people over what should have been warned or not, so I won’t be messing with it. It just bogs down the flow of a post to have such things, and it goes against my principles, so I’ll be stepping around it entirely. 
Preamble over. Let’s get crackin’.
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Edgy Exploitation Fantasy or Psychological Horror Fantasy?
There used to be a subgenre of horror filmmaking called exploitation or grindhouse films. Some of the discussion I’m seeing about Goblin Slayer reminds me a bit of the controversies surrounding these shadier elements of filmmaking throughout film history. Artists are always pushing boundaries, touching taboos, and getting bit for going too far. This is the nature of art, and the whole process is fine--boundaries should be set by culture, but they should also be poked and prodded by subculture. It’s an eternal dance that is necessary and desirable for the health of a society. Go too far one way, and you’re too rigid. Go too far the other way, you’re unable to get your bearings. There is a time and a place to explore exploitation, and artists need to be free to go where the normal civilized person cannot. (Or at least, that’s what I believe.)
Where does Goblin Slayer fall, then? On the surface, one might say it easily falls into an exploitation subgenre. The first episode alone features men being viciously murdered and women facing far worse, all to set up the Heroic Entrance of the blank slate (quite literally, as he has no face) Audience-Insert Hero character. This Audience-Insert Hero Character then proceeds to Destroy All The Bad Things and save the day. In episode two, we find out the Audience-Insert Hero Character not only saves the day, but he’s the Only One who saves the day for the Little Guy and no one but his Harem, who he doesn’t notice because he’s Too Manly, appreciates him. 
If the above were all that Goblin Slayer had to it (and perhaps future episodes will truly devolve into such a premise), then I would agree with those who criticize its exploitation of its female (and male) characters for the sake of elevating its hero and allowing its audience the opportunity to both be titillated by the violence being done to the victims and enjoy the fantasy of rescuing the damsels in distress who can be rescued. In some ways, Goblin Slayer certainly isn’t shy about indulging in its exploitative opportunities. But I do think there’s more to it than merely the exploitation layer, and that’s why I haven’t dropped it. 
I think Goblin Slayer’s world building is some of the strongest I’ve seen in an anime fantasy setting in a long time, and the first episode left me with a genuine sense of horror that I haven’t felt in a long time. Horror is much like humor--it’s easy to spot and hard to do right. Jump scares and spooky sounds are one thing, but narrative horror--the kind you’d find in The King in Yellow or The Turn of the Screw--is much more difficult. The kind of horror that creeps up on you, that gets you thinking, that’s much harder. The same is true of slapstick comedy--it’s easy to do body humor, but difficult to do the more complicated forms. Goblin Slayer does an excellent job building its world into something truly horrific in its first two episodes, and while this does elevate its hero to truly “heroic” proportions, it also emphasizes just how difficult, unrewarding, thankless and necessary a task this man has undertaken is, and the depths of the evil which has snuck in by the back door. 
But more than the world building, more than the harem elements, Goblin Slayer gets so. much. right. on two very important narrative levels most people never even think about: the evolutionary level and the mythological/religious level. These two levels are buried beneath our stories, and most of the time in the rush of planning characters and plots and themes and the “things of heaven” so to speak, writers don’t even realize the “hell” at their feet, the foundation upon which they’re building. When a writer gets it right, you know, because people are drawn to it without being able to understand why, even if the plot, characters, and “themes” are badly written or terrible or repugnant morally. When a story gets the foundation layers right, there’s something in it that really calls an audience’s attention, for good or ill, and that’s what I want to explore here today. 
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The Serpent In The Garden & The Heart
What struck me about the first two episodes of Goblin Slayer was that this world was fucked inside and out. This is the layer of myth and religion--whenever a story starts with a premise like that, we’re going straight back to the origin stories of mankind--the angry gods and goddesses, the banishment from paradises, the murdering of first brothers. Even if we’re secular people, we all carry within us the DNA of generations upon generations of people who held this mythology within their lives and blood. It influences us in ways we don’t even recognize to this day. 
Goblin Slayer makes a clear-cut case for the evils of the goblins themselves, and they’re the easiest to address first. The goblins are this story’s initial enemy, the “serpent in the garden” to to speak. They are the thing, according to the Hero, who is keeping the World from Paradise. The source of the fall, so to speak. And the story does an excellent job of establishing the horror of these creatures. In small groups or one-on-one, outside of their nest, they’re no threat at all, much like a lone rat might be or a lone wasp or a lone termite. But enter their nest and their layer, ignore them to let them multiply, and you’ll soon find yourself battling an infestation of the little buggers. These goblins are nasty little creatures--smart as dogs and rapacious as bed bugs. They hide from larger, scarier monsters, and loot poor, ill-defended villages, pillaging for supplies and women, who they drag back to their layers. Much like pillagers throughout humanity, these creatures swam what they want and devour it in whatever way strikes them. They’re truly horrific creatures.
Now this alone would be rather one-sided if the goblins were the only evil the story highlighted. But fortunately, there is a second layer that touches on the snakes that exist in the heart of every creature. Why are the goblin infestations increasing? Because humans don’t feel like dealing with them. They’re a hassle (like pests), they’re easy to kill as long as you don’t get swarmed, and there are bigger fish to fry (likely legitimately, but that hasn’t been justified yet). Worse, they tend to attack poorer villages that can’t afford to put up a town defense much less hire adventurers to assist them. The bounties aren’t worth it for anyone but the greenhorns looking for experience. So much of the destruction caused by these green menaces is due to human greed and sloth--”strong” humans are too important to waste time on “small” fry like goblins. Greenhorns are then sent to the slaughter--the ones who survive become regular adventurers and soon escape the grind of goblin-hunting while the unlucky ones get slaughtered or worse. 
Even with these two sides of horror--nature and the heart of man--this story would fall flat if it didn’t have one last piece of the triangle. Generally when stories fail at this level, they fail because their protagonist is “above” the serpent within. Fortunately for Goblin Slayer, the Goblin Slayer himself is not this kind of character. He may have a harem and he may be “heroic,” but the first two episodes of the story do not justify him or his actions. I think it might be easy to take his backstory flashback as a justification, but there are a few key moments that the story emphasizes which, in my opinion, make it clear that the flashback is merely to explain why he’s obsessed with his mission to eradicate the goblins, not to justify his actions. The first moment is in the first episode when he slaughters the helpless goblin children--while his words may be “correct,” they neither convince the Priestess nor do the visuals agree with him--he’s portrayed visually as an overbearing monster bearing down on the hapless creatures. In the second episode, he attempts to justify himself to the Priestess again, but what we see from her is not her nodding in agreement or having a Sudden Realization of his Righteousness--instead she is praying as they’re slaughtering the goblins. She still views him as wrong, even if this is a necessary evil in order to protect their own kind. 
On top of the Priestess’s alternative viewpoint and the camerawork, we have his Childhood Friend, whose pain and loneliness is emphasized. His work isn’t justified by her story, it’s criticized. While he’s off chasing down this endless revenge quest, he’s hurting a woman who has cared for him for most of his life. He’s missing out on the beauty of her company and her companionship, on the brighter side of life, on “heaven” so to speak. Her uncle wants her to give up on him, and understandably calls him crazy. But she is faithful in waiting, and in hoping that one day he’ll turn toward her. To be fair, the story does try to play things evenly rather than simply criticizing its main character (it does want you to root for the Goblin Slayer), and it does this through the Guild Clerk, who in my opinion is the least trustworthy of the heroines so far. She may “value” the Goblin Slayer, but she’s certainly willing to hand out goblin missions to unqualified greenhorns and use them as cannon fodder when necessary. The story makes it clear that she has a serpent in her heart as well. 
What I see here, with these three key elements in play, is the set up for a huge redemption arc not only for the Goblin Slayer, but also for the world at large. We’re starting off with both a fall from paradise (the goblin infestations rising) and the Problem of Malice/Evil (the indifference of the other adventurers and the obsession of the Goblin Slayer), both of which will have to be addressed and rectified before the end. It’s clear from the opening that, much like Guts from Berserk, the Goblin Slayer cannot complete his mission alone. He is not going to be able to actualize himself as a person and as a human being and free himself from his obsession until he is shown a bigger picture through the perspectives of the people who come into contact with him. 
The exploitation in the first two episodes to me seems to be ultimately necessary for establishing the sheer magnitude of the stakes in this story not just for the main hero and heroine, but also for the world itself. It is a world that has turned a blind eye to injustice in favor of greed, a world that is not functioning with proper order and is allowing chaos to flourish because people are trying to avoid facing what they don’t want to face. If this theme carries on throughout the entirety of the story, and if both the Goblin Slayer and the world change by the end, I think it could have the makings of quite a satisfying quest on the most fundamental of levels, even if it indulges in a few harem hijinks. 
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Evolution On Display
This might be kind of a funny thing to notice, but I think the evolutionary layer is a key layer in storytelling that perhaps isn’t acceptable to modern sensibilities despite resonating deeply due to the nature of evolution.
On average, women tend to flock toward the men at the top of a hierarchy. These men, evolutionarily speaking, are the most likely to be able to offer security and safety for the woman and her offspring. Since only in the modern age have medicine and work opportunities become available to allow women to not rely so heavily on men’s assistance, this is something buried deep within the female psyche that they most likely don’t even realize is operating within them. 
Harem stories are annoying to me in general because I tend to find them unrealistic in some senses (generally the male figures in them are not what women themselves would pick as the “top of the crop” which is why women can so quickly pinpoint a male fantasy character vs. a legitimate top male). Male fantasy characters tend to be average schmucks whose only selling point is that they’re “nice” and can help solve the girls’ problems. Characters like that tend to be off-putting for female audiences because let’s face it, in real life you kind of need more to sell than just your niceness. ;) So in most harem stories of the anime variety, the harems the males gather to them are not earned the way real top males earn their harems. 
Take, for example, a star actor or a star sports hero--these men work their asses off night and day to rise above the crowd. They may get several girls who like them when they’re first starting their craft, say, in high school. By college they have a respectable harem of ladies who are interested. By the time they make their first break in the industry, maybe they have a new girl every night if they want. By the time they’re famous, they most likely can have whoever they want whenever they want. This is the nature of what it means to be on top. And this makes sense, because think about what comes “with” being a star of this kind--immense wealth, immense notoriety, immense resources. On a biological level, it only makes sense that these men would be incredibly attractive to women, women who might not mind sharing if it means having a piece of such a man. 
What I love about Goblin Slayer is that it actually accurately gets this element. Women see the worth of men and the likelihood of them making it to the “top” of the hierarchy earlier than men do. This is why the Childhood Friend’s conversation with her uncle in episode two was so interesting to me--he sees nothing of worth in the Goblin Slayer, but she already is seeing a man who has the ability to secure the life and resources she needs. She’s seeing the future while her uncle can only see the worthless sack of shit in the present. You see this effect also on the Priestess, who the Goblin Slayer rescues. She sees his worth as a protector, thus security. The Guild Girl also sees his worth in the status sector--he’s the Only One Who Will Fight Goblins, which is a status. The reason he gets ridiculed by other adventurers is because they don’t understand that he’s carving a niche status for himself (he himself doesn’t understand this either), but they instinctively fear that niche status. Ridicule comes from an instinctive fear of excellence. Whenever a man (or woman) begins reaching for excellence, it stirs up anxieties among the people around them who know subconsciously that they’re not striving for the same thing. 
Thus we end up with this realistic harem that actually works for once because it’s based (most likely subconsciously on the writer’s part) on actual evolutionary development. The Goblin Slayer is in the process of earning his status, his resources, and his harem. He is doing that with single-minded attention toward his goal, which is ultimately the eradication of goblins. Now, his goal is wrong, and he’ll have to temper it, but it’s an important part of the process guiding him toward the top of the hierarchy, where he’ll find the happiness he doesn’t know he’s looking for now. 
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Why Fantasy Stories Aimed At Men Still Matter
I wasn’t going to go here when I started my post, but apparently I have something about it I want to say. 
There is certainly a push now to make stories of all shapes accessible to women, and I absolutely have no problem with this. Expanding the audiences for stories is perfectly fine (and smart from a business-standpoint!). But at the same time, I think something has been lost for male audiences in the process, and for female audiences as well, in removing the opportunity for a truly male-oriented worldview for (some) stories.
Stories are essentially a way to understand each other, to bridge the gap between our heads and other people’s. It is as helpful for a woman to watch a male harem fantasy as it is for a man to watch a female reverse harem fantasy--both offer windows into the dreams and wishes of each gender and give clues as to what kinds of personality traits are worth cultivating and what traits should be snuffed out as quickly as possible. 
The problem comes when one gender gets a monopoly over the other, or when one gender becomes naval-gazing and self-indulgent at the expense of the other, which is why (understandably) we’re seeing a movement toward stories with broader perspectives. The only downside to a broader perspective, of course, is that you lose intimacy and you lose the ability to enter a specific type of person’s worldview. (This brings me to mind of something like Lolita, which probably would not be able to be published in the modern day.) When you can’t narrow the perspective of a story to reflect a single mindset, you definitely lose some flavor along the way. Whether that flavor is worth losing or not is probably up to each individual viewer. 
The other problem that I’m seeing at least with recent storylines in anime is that even as they’re extending the narrative umbrella to female audiences, in the process they’re losing the aspirational aspect of men’s journeys. These stories aimed at men are no longer guiding them toward becoming the kind of men who can attract the women they want and be respected by their peers; instead they try to placate young men who have made nothing of themselves by offering them women who will accept them “as they are.” I see the same thing happening in stories for girls--girls aren’t aspiring to become the best partners they can for the men at the top of the hierarchy, instead they’re being told they can just “be themselves” and the top males will land in their lap for no reason at all simply because they’re the heroine. I find these kinds of stories to be dangerous in a great many ways because they foster false expectations and senses of entitlement that aren’t helpful when navigating difficult gender dynamics in the real world. 
What does this tangent have to do with Goblin Slayer? Well, as far as I can tell, Goblin Slayer is getting this right. The Goblin Slayer is not a layabout useless sack of crap whose childhood friend has to wake him up every day by jiggling her unrealistic assets in his face. He’s a man who is making his way in the world, a man who has a purpose he chose for himself, a man who pays for his rent, a man who gets himself up every day, a man who politely escorts the lady of the house where she wants to go, a man who is respectful and civilized. He is a man “in process,” which is a great place to start with a hero. Of course there is still growth--he needs to become more than merely a goblin murderer. If he wants to earn the harem he’s beginning to attract, he needs to expand as a person. But what I appreciate about this story is that it establishes the basics of what one needs to begin attracting the opposite sex--a job, industriousness, and excellence in one’s field of work. What’s even better is that this story is establishing that this can all be done without looks being a factor--the Goblin Slayer is never seen without his helmet, which means he’s attracting people based on what he does and how he acts. In other words, the Goblin Slayer is an aspirational figure, even with his flaws. 
Stories like this are necessary for young men so that they can see themselves as something other than useless layabouts who need a woman to wake them up in the morning. Stories like this are also necessary for the brave women who care to overlook the male perspective in order to gain understanding of how much work a man has to put in to even be able to attract any notice, and to what men are looking for both in relationships and in their lives in general. I guess maybe I as a viewer just like to see this aspect respected and hope that stories won’t be afraid to regain a bit of what has been lost in transition here. Again, I don’t want to lose stories that appeal to everyone, but I think it’s fine for some stories to focus specifically on one gender in order to help work through many of the problems and challenges that gender faces in the world. Goblin Slayer by itself can’t do that alone, and I’m not even saying it’s the best variant of this genre, but at the moment it’s getting things right and I like to praise things when I see them getting things right. 
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He Who Runs Away Today Lives To Run Another Day
I hope I haven’t offended anyone with this post (it’s hard to talk about controversial subjects without offending at least half the room), but if I have I offer my sincere apologies. This was meant to be an exploration of the thoughts and feelings this story and some of the controversy surrounding it stirred up within me, and I’m not really sure I accomplished much more than merely getting some thoughts out on paper, but it is what it is. 
Whether you love Goblin Slayer or hate it or are indifferent to it, thank you for making it all the way to the end of this and I hope we’ll cross paths again.
Until next time!
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higuchimon · 5 years
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[fanfic] Rebirth of Kaiser:  chapter 30 [finale]
“So where is Tesni now?” Chaos Hunter asked, lounging backwards in her chair and fiddling with the card between her fingers. A satisfied smirk settled on her lips any time that she looked at it.
“Currently taking instruction in how to be a good servant to me,” Ruin replied. “It will take some time for her to be what I require of her, though. But it won’t delay our plans.”
Law Guardian tilted his head to the side. “We need to complete those plans as soon as possible. They know about you – they’ll know about us.”
“Oh, you’re quite right on that.” Ruin agreed. “But they won’t be able to do anything about it until I allow it. Knowing won’t accomplish anything if we don’t strike until they’re not expecting it.”
Her gaze swept around the room, touching on Chaos Hunter, Law Guardian, and Skull Bishop. “I expect you all to listen to my orders. We will achieve our vengeance if you do.”
Golden Pegasus’s hooves struck hard against the ground and the group turned towards him. “I know that Law Guardian seeks the life of Yuuki Juudai. I wish him to return to his true station.”
“We know,” Ruin replied, a hint of weariness in her voice at that. “The two of you will work together on this. We know how his deck works – find ways around that. But work carefully. There have been many who sought to deny him Fusion and its ilk. They all fell against him.”
Skull Bishop shifted for a moment, until all eyes rested on him. “I’ve heard that one of his old friends resides with the Amazons. We could use him for information.”
Sparks of interest flickered to life in Ruin’s expression. “Then I want him here. The sooner the better.”
She turned back toward Chaos Hunter. “And I believe that you have an acquaintance who might be useful towards our cause. Demon Tamer.”
Chaos Hunter tensed at once, the corners of her mouth turning downward. “What do you want with her?”
“I think she would be a fine ally. Bring her here as soon as you can. We can speak to her, if nothing else.”
Ruin picked up the silver goblet in front of her and examined the rich wine carefully before she took a sip. “In fact, I want to talk to everyone in this world who ever encountered any of them or their friends – everyone who has the slightest bit of information about them whatsoever.”
“Shouldn’t you also be deciding who fights the shadow mage?” Chaos Hunter suggested, lip curled for a breath at that. “Or did you want me to take care of him?”
“No. We’re going to fight fairly – for now.” Ruin’s smile did not falter in the slightest. “But you’re right on that point.” She took another sip, thinking. “Did you have anyone in mind? They are fighting on your behalf – somewhat.”
Chaos Hunter said nothing at all for several minutes, her eyes dark and serious, before a sudden smile broke across her features. “Oh, I think I know exactly who it will be. I’ll have to talk to him about it, of course.”
“Of course.” Ruin traced a design on the table before her. “I think that we all know what we need to do for now. While you’re at it – send me your servants. The small spies. The ones you inherited from the Death Duelists. I have plans for them, too.”
“Did you get it back, at least?” Johan glanced at Shine Angel. The angel turned his hand over, closing his fingers and then opening them up again to reveal his card there.
“I could do that much. But retrieving Tesni was beyond my power, my lord.” Shine Angel’s head bent for a breath. “I can’t even be certain of where Ruin took her. Her defenses are too strong.”
Johan let out a long breath at that. “Not surprised. She probably knows ways to keep me and Juudai out.” He leaned back against the moss-covered rock and ran his fingers through his hair. “At least we tried. And she’s still alive, we know that much.”
“For how long?”
That got another sigh, deeper and longer than the rest. “Probably longer than she wants to be if she stays with Ruin. But that still gives us time to figure out how to find her and get her back. And to figure out what else Ruin is up to.”
Johan sent a quick look towards Shine Angel. “Are you going to stay here or go back to the village? Or the Sanctuary?”
“Here for now. This is where my brother is and we haven’t finished everything yet.” Shine Angel’s gaze tilted up towards the sky. “I do plan to return to the Sanctuary soon, though. I have a few people I need to speak to there. And elsewhere.”
A brief nod from Johan. “Juudai’s going to get some of our friends – the ones that Ryou should meet again soon. He’s getting more and more of his memories back and that’ll help in the long run.”
“If we have a long run. Is this shadow mage a good enough duelist to win against whoever Ruin sets against him?”
“I’ve only dueled against him once myself and he was really different then.” Johan’s gaze flicked out over the green grass meadow spreading out in front of them. “I really couldn't say but I think he is. I’ve heard that he’s at least as good as the Kaiser is. Or was.”
Shine Angel nodded. “And Cyber Hell Paladin himself? I know the spirit that he’s become, not the human he was or the person that he will be.”
“There weren’t that many people better than him. Once he gets it all back, he could probably tear through Ruin’s army and never break a sweat.” Johan’s lips twitched for a few seconds. “I’d almost be tempted to let him. He’s going to need to work off steam somehow.”
“He’s not the only one. Herald-sama is quite unhappy, I’ve noticed.”
Johan nodded, eyes raising up briefly. “He wanted this to end the whole war. We’re not going to get involved more than we have to, but we were keeping an eye on the situation. Juudai – he’s furious at Ruin. When he finds out who’s protecting her from him, he’s going to be even worse.”
Shine Angel’s wings twitched and Johan shook his head. “I can hold him back. So can Yubel. No one’s in any serious danger. But still, Juudai being unhappy isn’t good for anyone.”
Juudai didn’t want to be angry. He wanted to have seen the end of a war – even if it was just a little war – and to be celebrating the victory of the people he’d determined were in the right of things. He usually let people work out stuff like this on their own with only minimal support, if just by where he decided to eat and sleep. Sometimes he didn’t even give that much, departing an area entirely until the matter settled.
He’d supported the Hail Cybers mostly because he’d decided that they were on the right side. Something drove a wedge between them and the Knights and the Knights didn’t seem fully in control of themselves anymore.
What do you plan to do about this?
He could feel Yubel’s fingers in his hair, an intimacy that they seldom indulged in unless they were the only ones around. Or Johan. Johan remained an exception to a lot of their habits, for a lot of different reasons.
“I don’t know. Haven’t decided yet.”
Juudai knew that he needed to. He hadn’t gone too near the Knights and maybe that was why people like Ruin and everyone she’d recruited got tangled up in the situation. He hated to blame himself but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to think he at least carried some blame for it.
You can’t watch everyone. You can’t even fix everything. You know that.
That got a very long look from him to Yubel. At least the sort of look that came when Yubel didn’t feel like appearing where he could use his eyes. He could feel their awareness turned towards him and that an undercurrent of amusement ran all through Yubel’s thoughts. As always, they believed that he took too much on himself.
He knew why, though. He’d gone so long never taking any kind of responsibility whatsoever, letting it all fall the way it wanted and seldom even noticing when things crashed into ruin, so long as he continued to amuse himself. He knew now that couldn’t keep on.
“Maybe I can’t,” he muttered, “but I need to do something.”
Yubel didn’t seem bothered by that. Yubel wasn’t often bothered by him choosing to do things, even if those things didn’t involve Yubel. Since he hadn’t yet come up with something that Yubel didn’t get involved with on some level, he hoped that would never change.
What did you have in mind?
That was where he wasn’t sure. He’d already tried to get into Ruin’s fortress and take Tesni out again. That hadn’t worked at all. He had no idea of what sort of defenses she had, but he came out right where he’d started, and after trying two or three times, he’d decided to try something else.
Exactly what this something else might be was also on the list of ‘he had no idea of what it would be’ but he guessed he’d figure it out later.
He sighed and jerked himself to his feet. “Let you know when I know. But first I think we need to go pick up a couple of people. At least let them know what’s going on before we bring them here.”
Juudai took three steps away from the rock he’d lounged on, then turned around and walked into the shadow cast by it. He hoped Principal Samejima wasn’t too busy. Was it even the school year?
Guess I’ll find out.
Shadows grew over the valley as the sun slid down behind the mountains. Ryou stared out over it. He’d never seen this place as a human, but he remembered now. He remembered three months spent here when it had just been him and Edo and the day and night could almost not be told from one another save for how bright the comet sparkled.
Such a different place now. He’d known that before this became his home; he’d been there for the first sunrise. But living here made it a part of himself, like nowhere ever had been before.
“Does Shou still have the tapestry I had from the Cyber Dojo?” Ryou asked. Yuusuke, standing next to him, nodded.
“He wouldn’t have given it up for anything. But I think he’d give it back to you if you asked for it.” Yuusuke smiled in thoughtful sadness. “He misses you more than you can imagine. That’s probably why he asked Juudai to bring you the deck.”
Ryou glanced to where he'd set it on the chipped marble table. The stronghold of the Hail Cybers was a mixture of old and new, battered and burnished, and he found that he liked it like that. There his deck rested; he still needed a duel disc, but the deck was there, and many of the spirits of the monsters curled up around the courtyard. Cyber End admired the sunset with him. Cyberdark lounged in a deep swath of shadows. Cyber Phoenix perched on one of the trees in the courtyard, preening their claws.
Other spirits scattered here and there. The courtyard always seemed big enough for them, no matter what. He hadn’t met them all yet but he knew that he would in time. The newest powerful monster in his deck still hadn’t emerged, though he could feel the presence in there, watching and waiting.
And amused. He could never forget amused.
Comfortable silence grew between the two of them as the sun fell out of sight and the stars shimmered one by one into place above. The moon would rise late tonight, so for now, starlight was all that they had.
“You’re putting your life on the line for me,” Ryou said. They’d both been so quiet for so long that hearing the words sent a small shiver all through him. Yuusuke turned towards him.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Three simple words, with far more meaning behind them than Ryou thought he’d heard in either of his lives. His heart warmed in a fashion that he didn’t think he’d ever had towards anyone else. He still didn’t have all of his memories, but perhaps that didn’t matter so very much.
“Are you sure that you can succeed?”
“No.”
At that word, Ryou opened his mouth to protest, but Yuusuke shook his head. “I don’t know who I’ll duel or what tricks they’ll use. I think we’ve learned that Ruin can’t be trusted. But whatever they do, I’ll fight for you.”
Ryou could not find it in his heart to protest. Juudai’s words came back to him; he would need his friends and he would need to develop his strength in dueling all over again. Those memories wouldn’t do enough. He needed to be himself again, and to learn just who being himself meant.
Now that he’d had time to think about it, he looked forward to everything that lay ahead in their future.
The End
Notes: At least it’s the end until I do another story in this world. I don’t know when that will be though. Sorry this is later than I wanted: my roommate and I finished KH3 the other day and I was busy decompressing from that. But here is the chapter at last! Hope that you’ve enjoyed this as much as I have. I have Such Ideas for the rest of it!
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spideyxchelle · 6 years
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so, zendaya and tom holland were at the oscars this last weekend. and so, uh, this happened. because they looked incredible on the red carpet. mood music
tw: some implied sexual activity
when peter gets into USC for film he cries. that is the home of Spielberg and Lucas, the halls where Ron Howard walked. it makes directors.
he had always wanted to be a director. from the time he was a little kid he sat behind his shitty camera that he dumpster dived for and made dumb movies with his friends. and some of those dumb movies got a bit of a production value jump when he joined the AV CLUB in high school. and some of those dumb movies were good enough to be submitted to USC. and some of those dumb movies were good enough to get him in.
when peter stops crying long enough to breathe, the oxygen that rushes to his brain shocks him into reality. he is going to be going to LA to study film. and maybe, just maybe, one day he’ll be a director.
the four years at USC are gruelling and exhausting and wonderful. everyday is better than the last. he’s surrounded by movie magic.
and then graduation breathes down his back and he’s suddenly terrified because he’s made some high quality students films at USC (the amount of money the film school has is criminal) but students films don’t make him a director. they make him a dreamer like everyone else in Hollywood.
and for some unknown, maddening reason, the closer they get to graduation the more and more it looks like everyone he knows has a plan for post-graduation except him. they have PA jobs, or have lower-level work at studios, or have internships. its like he missed the memo on how to make his dreams into a reality.
which is why he starts writing Until I Fade Out. it’s a character driven film of his own creation. in all his time at USC his writing classes were always a burden to him. he had to take them to graduate but he never liked  them. he never felt like he had a voice, like he had something to say. and now all he has is the anxiety and the pressure of making a name for himself by 25 and the horrible nightmare of failing to succeed on paper compared to his classmates.
Until I Fade Out is refreshingly frank and honest and precious to peter. it becomes his refuge to talk about his fears. he graduates and keeps writing. and all of his friends start their industry jobs. and he keeps writing. three months after graduation its done. and he has blown all of his savings on the cost of living. he is jobless.
but he has a script and a vision and his passion is reborn. so he calls Ned, one of his buddies from school that took a job at WB after graduation. he is some executive’s assistant. but he was also one of the best writers he went to school with. he passes the script along to him asking for notes.
and he hears nothing for three weeks. until Ned shows up on his doorstep with a printed out copy of his script. “this, jesus-” he says without a hello, “you have to make this, peter.” and peter exhales. there is some traitorous anxiety he has been holding onto since he finished writing that finally withers away and dies. the fear that his work sucks. that no one would love it or want it. but Ned likes it.
and so, with Ned’s help he gets a relatively young producer to finance the film. and its not a lot of money at all. but people on indie films never have a lot of money to work with anyway, peter reasons. and all peter can hear when he gets the news that he’s been financed is that he gets to make his movie. the particulars don’t matter.
the very next thing he does is call Cindy. they went to school together. she was the cinematographer on all of his student films. and she is doing PA work for some freeform show that she hates. but the money is consistent, shitty but consistent.
so she isn’t convinced quitting her job to work on a three month indie shoot is a good idea. in fact, she tells him she adores him but she doesn’t want to shoot herself in the foot and get blacklisted in hollywood. so he tells her to read his script. and then decide.
and that’s when it happens. when Michelle Jones finds out about the project. Michelle Jones is a relatively popular young Hollywood actress. but she is at the teeny bopper stage of her career. nothing “serious” will look at her. and she happens to be one of the series regulars on Cindy’s crappy show.
and, as fate would have it, Cindy leaves peter’s script on the Kraft services table during lunch. and Michelle picks it up and takes it back to her trailer. she reads it. she loves it. and the watermark on the script has Cindy’s name on it so it isn’t hard for Michelle to find her and approach her about it.
Cindy has been looking for the missing script all afternoon when Michelle hands it back to her, “looking for this?” Cindy exhales and then gets immediately star struck, “uh, yes. Thank you.” “what’s this?” Michelle asks. Cindy is alarmed by a starlet of any caliber talking in her direction, “my, uh, friend Peter’s movie. just got financed by some guy at WB. but, like, its not a WB film. it’s a little indie film. like, the producer put his own money in it. I’m sorry, I, uh, didn’t even know you knew my name.” Michelle smiles warmly, “uh, you get my coffee for me, like, five times a day. I’d be a dick if I didn’t. besides, there are practically no women on this set so I make it a habit of learning all their names. so, why do you have the script?” Cindy gawks, like she cannot believe this whole day is happening to her, “he wants me to be the cinematographer on it.”
without blinking, Michelle advises her, “do it.” Cindy sputters, “excuse me?” “its good,” Michelle glances down at the script in Cindy’s arms, “and tell your friend, Peter was it? tell him if he’s looking for someone to play Tisha, well, I’ll make the time.”
when Cindy recounts this story to peter, all three of them (cindy, peter and ned) all freak the fuck out. and then, almost immediately peter comes to the conclusion that she was just being nice or whatever. because there is no way michelle jones is going to sign to his nothing of a movie.
except that is not what happens. when cindy goes to work the next day to quit because she has a little film she wants to be the cinematographer for, michelle stops her on her way walking off set. her hair is halfway done and she’s out of breath. “fuck,” she groans, “you move fast. I’ve been calling your name for like two whole minutes.” Cindy stares at her, “um. Sorry?” “no,” michelle shakes her head, “its cool. look, I saw you leaving and I have to ask. are you doing that movie?” cindy nods. Michelle grins, “that’s good. great even. I’m happy for you. and uh, hang on, take my number. if he can’t find anyone for Tisha…please…call me. I’m in the middle of shooting the season but I’d shoot on the weekends or late nights. whatever. just, keep me in mind. don’t forget.”
and peter hardly believes it. but he does forget about the Michelle Jones encounter. because they have two and a half months of preproduction that have to happen. they have to hire crew and scout locations and rent equipment. and all on a tiny ass budget. but once it looks like the movie is actually going to happen, peter remembers he needs to hire actors.
because he needs to put people in front of the camera and, for some stupid reason, he can’t help but remember michelle. its been nearly three months. and shooting for her show should be going on hiatus soon. the thought of her actually working on his movie sounds…feasible.
so he does something recklessly stupid—he calls her.
the first conversation he has with Michelle Jones is awkward. because she is immediately on the defensive. when she picks up he says, “michelle?” and she snaps, “how did you get this number.” he flushes and tries to correct his mistake, “no. uh. I’m peter. peter parker. you know cindy. I mean gave cindy your number.” “who?” “Cindy- nevermind. look, she was a PA on your show. and you read my movie. and you told her you were interested in being in it. and I just…I shouldn’t have called.” he goes to hang up but she nearly shouts, “no, wait. I remember now. I remember your movie. Until I Fade Out.” “yeah.” “yes,” she says. “oh sorry, of course, yes.” “no,” she laughs and his heart stops, “I wasn’t correcting your yeah. I was saying I still want to do it. if that’s why you’re calling.”
he must black out for longer than five seconds because she starts repeating his name until he snaps back to reality. “I’m sorry,” he laughs, “did you just say you want to do my movie?” “yeah,” and he can hear the smirk in her voice, he can almost imagine it, too, “I go on hiatus in two weeks. if you can wait that long.” “yes,” he immediately says. and its not exactly true. they start shooting in five days. but he’s the director. and even if the rest of the crew hates him maybe they can adjust the schedule so they shoot scenes without her for the first week or so.
like he is in a city of dreams (because maybe he is), he makes plans with michelle jones to be in his movie. ned is going to have to help him with the legality of it. she’s union, after all, and she warns him that her agent is going to be furious. but she is going to be in his movie.
and her agents are not the only people that are furious. his crew is furious that he is moving the shooting schedule around to accommodate an add-on. and the friend of his from school that thought she was going to play Tisha is not thrilled either but these are the decisions a director makes.
oh fuck. he’s a director.
that really hits home when he walks on set the first day. and its barely a set. there are lights rigged and a camera set up in someone’s living room. but there are twenty people that all look at him like he’s the boss and that means he must be.
peter pulls off his baseball hat and smooths back his hair, “hi everyone.” they all smile at him. and he feels the same pressure he imagines every director must on their first day. but he pushes through those nerves and keeps it brief, “thank you all for joining me on this adventure. now, let’s make a kickass movie.” and just like that, he is directing a movie.
and Cindy makes every shot better than he could have ever imagined. her vision, her eyes, give every scene a heartbeat. he nearly kisses her at the end of the first day. instead, he buys her a drink and makes a toast between the two of them, “to our movie.” the smile she gives him back makes him feel like he can do this, they can do this.
after nearly a week of shooting, the crew already feels like a family. there is a lot of work that goes into every shot. people in hair and makeup have made it a fun little game to try and swipe glitter on the back of peter’s neck at the start of the day. the whole crew gets on the joke.
he loves his life.
and then, michelle jones shows up on set. she drives to the house they have been shooting a majority of the interior shots in. and when she steps out of her car, peter can hear his heart beating. he wonders if the rest of the crew can, too. it is early, she hasn’t been in HMU (hair and makeup) yet, so she looks like anyone else. if they were crafted from diamonds. “hi,” he nearly chokes, “I’m peter.” she grins from ear to ear and shakes his hand, “mj.” “mj,” he raises his eyebrow and stupidly keeps shaking her hand. she has to awkwardly pull her hand out of his, “yeah, no one really calls me michelle. at least not my friends. and we’re gonna be family the next three months so—” his chest melts, “lemme introduce you to everyone.”
and the crew loves her. it takes her exactly three shots for her to pick up on the put glitter on peter game. except she sucks at it. because every time she touches him, his flesh tingles and so he knows it was her. without even having to look.
as an actress she is receptive. as a member of the crew, she is a delight.
and peter waits only five days before he groans into his pillow and admits to himself that he has a major crush on her.
the movie is goes well. better than he could have ever imagined. the scenes are clicking. the crew is bringing to life his vision. and he starts to dread it being over. because nothing could ever be better than these three months. it makes him feel at home. they feel like home.
after shooting one night three days before the end of the shoot, michelle invites everyone back to her house. she lives in the Hollywood Hills. Ned makes a joke about her being afraid of the fires in the mountains. she raises her eyebrow and dares him, “you scared?”
everyone packs into cars and goes to address given. it is not a surprise to anyone that the house is incredible. not needlessly opulent but large and open, like it was always waiting for the crew to fill it with their love.
peter sits next to Cindy and she leans against him. when everyone is drinking and laughing and swapping stories, she whispers to peter, “thank you.” he looks down at her, “what?” “this experience has changed my life. I’ll spend forever chasing this, these moments.” peter sucks in a breath and squeezes her hand. “so thank you,” cindy adds. Peter shakes his head, “no, thank you. you’re behind the camera. I could never…I could never have done this without you. and I never want to. if we…if we get lucky enough to keep doing this…we should do it together. me and you. partners.” Cindy sits up and blinks at him in awe, “you mean it?” he nods, “you’re my eyes, cindy. I can’t work without my eyes.”
the moment is magic.
like, if he has cindy on side he could hold onto this kind of magic forever. he knew from the beginning she was the key. whatever he was looking for in his writing. she was the key to getting it filmed.
he catches mj’s eye across the room and she smiles. he becomes eternally grateful to cindy in that moment, too. because he brought michelle into his life.
he squeezes cindy’s hand and she gives him a knowing smile as he crosses to mj. michelle ducks out of the room and heads to the balcony overlooking Hollywood. he stands beside her and they are both quiet.
peter tries to come up with something meaningful to say but standing her with in silence is more than enough. he takes her hand on the railing and she sucks in a breath.
neither of them look at each other.
michelle speaks, “I’m glad I read your script that day.” “you mean when you stole it?” he jokes. he does not look at her but he knows she rolls her eyes, “agree to disagree on specifics.” he squeezes her fingertips, “me too.” she is breathless when she says, “isn’t this cliché? the director and his leading lady?” he finally does look at her. and she looks scared. it startles him. because mj is always so fearless. this is the same girl who, on set, tries to learn every department when she isn’t shooting. the same girl that has a secret handshake with the gaffers. she is michelle jones.
and she looks afraid. “what is it?” he whispers. “it won’t always feel like this,” she whispers, “we spend every day together but set isn’t like real life. when the movie ends you’ll…forget about me.” “no,” he shakes his head. she nods, “you will. and whatever this feeling you think you have now will fade. this is your first movie. you can’t tell the difference yet. but you will.” “mj, I won’t. I…you…I mean, wow.” she smiles sadly but unlocks their hands and heads inside without another word.
devastated is not a strong enough word for what he feels. but he has three days left to shoot and, damn it, he is going to do it. he is a professional. and if it hurts to look at mj sometimes, well, that is just the price of making art. your heart should always be in danger of being broken. otherwise it never matters, its never true.
the last shot they film of the movie, is a scene halfway through the script. Tisha and Bill, his protagonist, are just talking. they sit beside each other on the front steps of a house. and Bill talks about feeling stuck, about how he looks around at all of his friends and they all seem to have life figured out and he is desperately behind. these are peter’s words. the scared boy that wrote them just after graduation is now a man a little less than a year later. and he remembers how the words used to scare him, but they don’t anymore.
he watches michelle the entire last shot. he knows he shouldn’t. he should be watching for a hundred other things, but she captures him. and when the scene is done…he does not speak.
the whole crew looks at him. the actors stay in the moment, suspended and confused. and then, peter remembers himself and yells cut.
when he watches playback, cindy is crying and she wraps an arm around him. he squishes her back. their movie. they did it.
with a heavy heart, he looks at the crew and shrugs, “well, that’s a wrap.” and everyone applauds loudly.
they didn’t have money in the budget for a wrap party. so they turn set into their farewell. someone starts playing music and someone, he suspects wardrobe, pulls out drinks. and the night is nothing short of perfect.
once the set is broken down and everyone is spectacularly drunk, there is nothing left to do but say goodbye.
he saves michelle for last.
she approaches him for a hug and he eagerly complies. they cannot seem to let the other go. and he takes the moment to whisper in her ear, “thank you.” when they pull out of their hug she looks so startled it makes him smile. but only for a moment because then she is smiling back and knocking into his shoulder, “you did good, Parker.”
and in the next few months in post, he learns, fuck, he did. the movie is incredible. Abe, another friend from school, puts together a small post-production office. and with the help of that team and cindy, they cut together and mix a wonderful film. when they show it to their backer, the small time producer named Happy Hogan, he cries. and he asks for a copy to send to his boss, TONY FUCKING STARK.
Peter knows that the movie is more than a little special when Tony Stark calls him after he screens it to schedule a meeting with himself and peter. peter, of course, brings cindy. and it takes only fifteen minutes before tony tells him he wants to personally finance sending it to the festival circuit. Cannes, Sundance, AFI.
he calls to tell michelle but gets her voicemail. her show is shooting again. and she is suddenly impossible to reach. or at least for him. he knows she picks up cindy’s calls. he tries not to take it personally. but he fails.
and then, they attend their first festival.  AFI.
and he does a little press. but its only a few interviews. until his film screens. and all of the sudden all people can do at AFI is talk about his little movie. it wins Movie of the Year and shit explodes.
they take it to a dozen other festivals and it begins to win a plethora of awards. and then, people outside the festival circuit begin to talk about his little movie. and they want to talk to him about his little movie.
by August, the public is frothing at the mouth for his movie. they want to see it. so, Tony gets it to have a limited release in select cities. and the internet explodes. they love it. they’re fascinated by him.
they are, no surprise, in love michelle. The New York Times says her performance is, “played with dauntless and sometimes reckless charisma, Michelle Jones proves to be one of the, if not the, formidable actors of her generation.”
and the interviews don’t stop. in fact, there is one. one that hits him like a pile of bricks. it is the first interview he does with michelle when she joins the press tour.
“I find it rather remarkable,” the interviewer gushes, “that there is no love story in this film.” peter opens his mouth to speak but mj beats him to the punch, “I would disagree.” “so you think Tisha and-“ “no,” she shakes her head, “the movie is about learning to love yourself. about waking up and trying to be better than you were the day before. my generation, every generation, somehow thinks they have to be a roaring success at 25. that’s just not true.” the interviewer smirks, “but both of you are under 25 and experiencing an insane amount of success.”
“but,” mj counters, “this was our path. it doesn’t mean everyone else will have the same journey. nor should they. if you spend your time worrying about being better than someone else you forget to better yourself.”
peter loves her in that moment. maybe he always did. maybe he did that first moment she stepped out of her car on that first day. but he knows in this moment. he knows because she knows him. and all anyone can ever want from love and life is to be known. truly and deeply.
the interviewer looks to him. and peter shrugs, “I have nothing to add to that. she said it all.”
if he had more time, he might have also added that there are different kinds of love. and they are all important. there is love in his movie. and it’s a love between two friends. he loves Cindy but he’s not in love with her. and her friendship makes him better. maybe, he thinks, he wrote this movie about himself and their friendship. and ode to selfless and supportive platonic love.
after that interview, the buzz for his movie turns into charming festival movie to Oscar worthy buzz. and Michelle freaks out. because she has worked since she was thirteen years old to be seen as more than some dumb kid on some dumb show.
it all becomes terrifyingly real when the Golden Globes nominations come out.
they’ve won awards all year round. small awards, festival awards, but the golden globes are mainstream.
they are sitting in Tony’s office waiting for the announcement to be made, peter’s entire team, when the phone rings. peter is alarmed but tony picks up the phone. they are five minutes out from the official announcement. the stream has barely begun.Tony hangs up and looks severe. peter tries not to be crestfallen. he needs to keep it together for his crew. he is the director after all. Michelle grabs his hand. “what?” Peter asks. Tony shakes his head and gestures to the screen, “watch.”
and one after the other awards start to be announced. and one by one he hears his movie’s name. from editing to music to cinematography. peter drops michelle’s hand to embrace Cindy when they hear her name. he is jumping up and down and celebrating when they get to best screenplay and in the recesses of his mind, he hears his own name. a golden globe nomination. he’s a golden globe nominee.
he is frozen. his team, his friends, his family, all crowd him and begin to shout. embracing him, shouting. he can’t believe it. until mj kisses his cheek. and the world is real again. and then, best supporting actress in a drama comes up and they say Michelle’s name. and the room starts to shout, people begin to pour drinks. they are too busy celebrating to notice that Peter gets nominated for best director (he’ll read that shell-shocked on the internet later) but he does hear Best Motion Picture. and the noise stops.
it all stops. because, fuck, they did it. THEY DID IT! and suddenly, their movie is a nine time golden globe nominee. and peter realizes they could be Oscar nominated. the rest of award season is a blur. he vaguely remembers going to Colbert and Fallon. and he sort of recalls doing lots of photo shoots and interviews. but what does know with perfect clarity is that he gets to spend almost every day with mj. the award circuit means every day is with her. and he’s so, so happy.
because he missed her. because he misses her when she isn’t in the room. because he knows she said he would feel differently in a year but that time has passed and he’s still crazy about her. when they’re getting ready for the globes, Peter decides he likes his t-shirt, jean and baseball cap look a lot better than a suit and tie. Michelle walks into the room and nearly kills him. she looks...wow.
his mouth dries. he licks his lip, “you, I mean, you look, its great. nice dress.” cindy snorts and peter shoots her a look. it is not a pleasant look. “you don’t look so bad yourself,” mj smirks, and casually adjusts his bowtie. his heart leaps out of his chest. and he knows that she knows what she does to him.
they walk the carpet together. well, sort of. they care more about michelle than him. but occasionally someone will see him and ask for a photo as well. because he’s a director. and that means he’s important to pictures but not movie-star important.
when they get inside the first thing he realizes is their table has alcohol. and it feels like a great and terrible idea. because his crew looks like they could all use a drink but he’s not sure its smart.
in the opening monologue, peter gets name checked for being the baby of the directing category. and everyone laughs. and peter’s chest warms. because he’s accepted. because he’s acknowledged enough in his industry to be the butt of a joke. because he’s a golden globe nominee. michelle must understand what the moment means to him because she grabs his hand under the table. and they lock fingers.
he turns to look at her. and they lock eyes. and he misses the camera on them. but the internet does not.
and the internet does not miss when he wins for best original screenplay and the whole table, michelle included, toss him around for cheek kisses. and the internet does not miss when michelle wins the way peter leaps to his feet and tugs her into his arms. and the internet does not miss when peter loses best director the way michelle rests her head on peter’s shoulder. the internet does not miss a thing.
the following morning peter wakes up to a million texts of congratulations because he’s a golden globe winner. and he is linked to about nine million articles about him and michelle. and its mortifying.
because those looks, the way he looks at her, belong to him, to them. they were their moments. and now they belong to the world. and he sort of hates that his privacy is on display for the world to pick apart and scrutinize.
so he texts her about it. and michelle calls him thirty seconds later. “this is the job,” she says when she picks up. “no,” he argues, “my job is to go to set and direct.” he sits up in his bed when she talks, “peter, you’re a public figure now. golden globe nominee. they don’t care how you feel. and they especially don’t care about the fact that you want your feelings for your leading lady to be a secret.”
peter’s jaw drop, “mj-” he doesn’t want to do this on the phone. he wants to talk to her. he wants to look her in the eye when they have this conversation. mj quickly cuts him off, “we don’t have to do this now. but soon.” he exhales and agrees, “soon.”
except soon does not actually mean soon. because its award season. so they don’t have the time to talk. and, okay, fine, honestly? he’s terrified.
and then, by the time the oscar nominations drop, peter and mj still haven’t spoken. but unlike the golden globes, peter and mj decide to watch the nominations privately. at his house. its not like her house. not nearly as big. but since all of the press and success of his film he’s been able to get something modest. and respectable. in an area that isn’t exceptionally dangerous.
michelle cuddles up on his couch and, fuck him, she looks so at home there. on his couch. in his home. and he wants her to stay.
he takes his place beside her on the couch. and tentatively wraps his arm around her. she smiles and turns her head slowly to him, “what are you doing?” “nothing,” he shrugs. she snuggles into his arms, “is this soon?” peter rests his head on hers, “it can be.”
michelle sits up and pivots to look at him, “okay, then. here it is.” michelle grabs his hand and looks at him in a way that makes him feel like whatever hope he is holding onto might be misplaced, “you don’t care about me. this is just...awards season. its intense. and you think you--”
“okay,” peter cuts her off, “i know you said this is a cliche, then. i know you’ve said that this is awards season or whatever the fuck that means. and you said then that i would feel differently in a year. and you’re saying now I’ll feel differently when this is all over, but, cards on the table, i don’t and i won’t. you’re still the best part of my day. and i spent every day in post-production watching one of the dailies of you. cindy tells a joke behind the camera and you, just, you smile. and it killed me. i watched it every day. and i missed you. that was my life before the movie took off. and now that i get to spend time with you again i never want you to go. this isn’t because i’m the director and you were my leading lady. this is because you’re you and i’m me. and you make me feel strong. like i could do anything. please, please don’t give up on us. not before we’ve even begun.”
she blinks at him and he suddenly feels super embarrassed. because he’s put his heart out for her and she isn’t talking to him.
the television starts to play the nominations and he awkwardly turns back to look at the television. the room is heavy. he hates it. they talked about it. and she rejected him. or whatever silence means. silence feels like rejection.
their movie gets a few nominations in the technical categories. even, cindy. peter makes a mental note to call her after. and then, just before they get to writing, michelle turns to him. “peter?” he doesn’t respond, so she tries again, and he can hear the lip tremble in her tone, “peter, please.” so he reluctantly turns and she wipes at her eyes, “please don’t be mad at me.” “i put my heart on the line and you didn’t even respond. you couldn’t even say you didn’t want me.” “that’s because i do!” she insists. he rolls his eyes, “please.” “no,” she grabs his hand, “i do. i just...when I’m not your leading lady...i’m afraid you won’t want me anymore.”
he shakes his head, “why would you say that?” “because i’m your muse. i’m your movie. and when award season ends and you start on your next project because...you’re gonna be so famous...you’ll move onto your next muse. and you’ll forget all about me. and i can’t handle that heartbreak.”
he cups her face, “you beautiful idiot. you aren’t my muse. i wrote that movie before i ever met you. and i just...love...you....” he whispers that last bit. he pulls down deep for some of his strength. “i love you,” he says again, more proud, “and i want you. and you Mi-”
“Michelle Jones,” the television set says. the two of them, their eyes bug open. they look at the television and there it is. in black and white. for best supporting actress. michelle jones. for their movie.
he pulls her into a bone crushing hug. “holy shit,” he whispers into her shoulder. she starts to cry, “holy shit.” they pull apart and echo together, “HOLY SHIT.” and then, the laughter comes. sudden and bubbly. because she is an academy award nominee. its best supporting actress just like the golden globes which is bullshit. but its the academy awards. and technically his lead is a man. but, like, FUCK.
and then, the laughter stops. and they are breathless and staring at each other. and the moment crackles over.
the last year is present in the room. and tension cannot hold. it will always break. and it does.
they crash into each other. their mouths eager and desperate. he has wanted her for so long. and now, he can taste how long she has wanted him. and it tastes like that first day on set.
it gets intense immediately. they have no time for foreplay. peter groans deeply into her mouth. and she whimpers back. they move their clothes out of the way just enough to couple.
and when he is inside her, the pair of them shutter. and it is so cliche, like a hollywood movie, but they fit. it is like he was always made for her and she him.
and they are so wrapped up in each other, the comforting rock of their love making, that peter doesn’t hear his name for best screenplay or director. he doesn’t hear that his movie gets nominated for best feature film. he doesn’t hear any of it.
the academy has nothing on michelle.
after, they take a minute to look up the nominations. and, well, they have to celebrate two more times.
its only the following morning with michelle tucked up in his arms do they talk about what it means for them. what this means for them. and they both decide-- everything.
the night of the academy awards mj stuns him in brown and he barely looks acceptable in a standard black suit. but he is the director and she is the moviestar. so he supposes, that logic checks out. on their way out the door she gives him a brief kiss and tells him, “you hit the jackpot, tiger.” the smile that puts on his face is present in every photo.
they keep a respectable distance from each other because peter tells her late one night that he doesn’t like the world knowing his business. he wants this to be theirs. he doesn’t want to share their moments. and she crawls on top of him and seals that promise with a kiss.
but its much harder to keep it respectable during the actual awards. because he’s so goddamn nervous. he knows he’s young. incredibly young. and he has his whole life ahead of him to win these kinds of awards but it feels like a sign. like, if his movie wins tonight then the universe is rooting for him and michelle.
she keeps their knees against each other for the entire night because she can’t hold his hand. and he appreciates the contact. it calms him down.
and soon, the relief starts to pour through his body. they lose. a lot of things. but Cindy wins for best cinematography and she was his eyes, after all. she is his eyes. his partner in making movies. and if she is the only one that goes home with an award tonight he’ll be happy.
and then, best supporting actress comes up and michelle’s nervousness boils over. she can’t help but hold his hand. and he sends a silent prayer that the internet will think she is leaning on her director for support.
she wins.
she wins and everyone, including michelle, is shocked. she’s young. crazy young. and it is her first nomination. and it takes some jockeying from peter for her to start to walk toward the stage. she is absolutely floored.
when they hand her the statue, she blinks back tears, “oh, wow. i can’t believe it. i just...can’t believe it. to, um, to my parents. thank you for loving me and supporting me and telling me that a little movie with a script that i loved was worth doing simply because i loved it. thank you to our entire cast and crew. this movie is a labor of love and this award belongs to all of us. thank you to Cindy Moon who lost the script to this beautiful movie. i thank god everyday i picked up that script and read it and gave it back to you. and thank you to Happy Hogan who believed in this movie and Tony Stark that helped get it off the ground so everyone could love it as much as I did. and lastly, peter, our fearless director, you wrote a movie that dared to say hard things and spoke to people’s souls. it spoke to me. and i am so thankful you put your trust in me to speak your words. thank you. thank you. just, thank you.”
when the applause fills the hall, peter knows she did it. she won the award. and she thanked him. forever, michelle jones thank you speech at the academy awards will include his name. and he feels like the universe might be on his side.
she comes back after fifteen minutes and one musical number. when she sits in her seat with oscar in her hand, he checks the area for a camera pointed their way and when he feels safe, he kisses the side of her head, “i am so proud of you.” he wants some moments to be just theirs.
then, the screenwriting award comes up and he loses. he loses to a war film that he heard was lobbying pretty hard for some awards. it stings but he will have his shot at other awards some day. he counts himself out for director.
and rightly so. he loses that, too. michelle grabs his hand and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that he is going home with the real prize tonight. the academy is second to michelle.
until something ridiculous happens.
they win best picture.
everyone on his team is shocked. they didn’t win the golden globes. but the oscar? wow. even the audience is shocked. there is a really rude gasp that ripples through the crowd. but when the presenter repeats the result they all jump to their feet and begin to hug and kiss and rush to the stage. peter and happy and tony are all handed awards. he is an academy award winner. or, well, his movie is. and peter supposes that still counts.
happy and tony speak first. they talk about producing the film and distributing it. and thank all of their families. and then, they look at peter. like they expect him to speak. that is when he remembers. he is the director. that means he is the person that lead the ship into harbor. he is the face of his little company.
he approaches the mic and shakes his head in shock, “when i wrote this movie i didn’t feel like i had a future in this business. i wrote this movie because i was lost and felt like everyone around me knew what the heck they were doing. i felt like a failure and like i would never accomplish my dreams. and so, i want to dedicate this award to everyone that has ever felt that way. and i want to tell you that amazing things do happen and you are not a failure. keep doing what you love. and thank you to my incredible cast and crew. you are my heart. to michelle who did a movie with a bunch of nobodies with no guarantee that anyone would even see it, let alone like it. and to my aunt may, for everything. thank you.”
he turns around and opens his arms and his entire team, his family, floods into them.
they drink and party and celebrate all night long. and at the end of that night michelle and peter go back to his house with two oscars in toe and they celebrate another way.
the news gets out the next day. there is a picture of them going back to peter’s house at the end of the night. the paparazzi are vultures on oscar sunday. and he is furious. because he wanted it to be private. he wanted it to be theirs.
but michelle patiently kisses his nose and tells him that he’s an idiot and that just because they can’t hide that they’re together anymore doesn’t mean that they have to tell anyone anything. so when he does his post-oscars interview and the interviewer asks about michelle he cooly says, “i’d like to keep my personal life private, thank you.”
mj is less patient because the media is sexist. they insinuate sleeping with the director to get the roll. which is ridiculous because a year ago he was a nobody fresh out of school. she rolls her eyes and kindly tells a different reporter to ask her anything that isn’t “blatantly sexist and invasive when it comes to my private relationships, okay?” and peter loves her so much its an actual ache.
then, the buzz dies down. the oscars are over. the world moves on. and peter and cindy start to discuss their next project. ned wrote them a film. a good film. a great film. and WB is going to back it this time. not just happy or tony. the entire studio.
and michelle decides to leave her show at the end of the season. she is an academy award winner. and she wants to be a superhero. or, well, play a superhero. Disney calls and tells her they want her to be the lead in a new female superhero movie. and she does look great in capes.
when peter shows up to set for his new movie nearly six months after the oscars (pre-production takes time before filming actually begins), he puts on his baseball cap and feels strange. the crew is mostly the same, he made sure of that, and cindy is right at his side but there is something missing. it takes him until lunch time to figure it out.
he goes to the bathroom and calls his girlfriend, “mj?” “peter, what’s wrong?” “i miss you,” he says. he can hear the exasperated tone of her voice, “you saw me this morning.” “i miss you here,” he corrects, “i miss you on my set.” “i can’t be in all of your movies, baby. and you can’t always cast me. people will say your biased.” “i am biased,” he grumps. “i love you. and i’ll see you tonight. go do your job.”
and, somehow, those words snap him out of his funk. because he did it. he’s a director. this is his job. so, he walks out of the bathroom, takes his place beside cindy and turns to his crew, “okay, let’s get to work.”
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senstia · 6 years
Text
Nessian Fic post acofas
This is my first fic so please enjoy and no hate please!! Smut and fluff are involved!!
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Cassian
I’m tired. Tired in my heart and in my bones and for once I can’t muster the strength to joke. Being in the Illyrian mountains with Nesta caused a whole host of trouble, not to mention the fighting, oh did she love to fight, and she loved to shut me out too.
In the beginning it was unbearable, to see her so broken, so empty. It felt like someone was putting a knife in my gut every time I looked at her. But over the months we have been here she has settled, still healing, but there is a new calmness in her I’ve never seen before. Not that she would ever talk to me about any of it, not that she would ever let me in. The steel in her heart runs deep, the fire in her soul burns bright and i’ve yet to get through it. I haven’t tried to touch her, haven’t tried to get close, even though every part of me is yearning for her; mind, body, and soul.
The verbal sparring matches with her are always quite entertaining, it is so fun to bait her, see that fire glow in her eyes when I say the right thing to make her see red. Oh fighting with Nesta can be fun. But sometimes when our breath becomes ragged from yelling at each other so much and we both have to take a breath, I see it flash in her eyes, quick as a lightning strike. The emotion, Feyre’s words flash through my mind,
“I think Nesta feels everything—sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”
I can see the feeling come in waves through her eyes when she’s too tired or angry to hide it. I want to beg her, beg her to let it out. I want her to let that wall down, I want to tell her that she should feel everything, she should care, she should let it burn and let it burn bright. But I never do, and that cold wall snaps back up in her eyes and she walks away, she always walks away from me and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
But today I am too tired to fight for her to let me in when I can barely keep myself from drowning. Azriel is gone on a mission, Mor is at the Court of Nightmares and Feyre and Rhys are keeping Elain company is Velaris and I don’t want to trouble anyone with my own personal emotional breakdown. Nesta is all I have and she couldn’t care less if I lived or died, at least that’s what she tells me day after day.
Sometimes it haunts my nightmares, that day when she was human, when my mouth was on her neck and her scent was the only thing that mattered, but that was a lifetime ago and neither of us are the same people we were then. War changes people and Nesta is finally coming out of her emptiness. I’m so happy that being in the mountains has helped her. For a while I thought I wouldn’t be able to pull her out of that cold, empty hole she buried herself in. But of course I didn’t pull her out. She did. My- no not my- strong Nesta dragged herself into the light wearing illyrian leathers and fire in her eyes and I knew she was ready to fight for herself again, for her happiness and healing, but I was no part of it, I never would be, and that fact terrifies me more than anything.
Whenever she gets tired of hearing me talk, tired of listening to me try to get some scrap out of emotion out of her she walks away and there’s nothing I can do about it. Once that wall goes up there is nothing to be done to get it down again.
I’m hoping she ignores me completely right now because i’m too tired to fight her and maybe I’ve stopped caring, stopped caring about the fact that she holds my heart in her hands and doesn’t even know it or care to know it, the fact that my heart feels as if it’s going to explode every time she gets close, even if it’s just to scream in my face, maybe I just don’t care, for now at least.
Nesta
My throat is burning and every muscle in my body is sore but my heart is awake. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel empty anymore. My nightmares are still there but they don’t consume me in the way that they used to. I can always feel the power thrumming in my veins but it has slumbered in me recently, like it is finally content.
Being forced to the illyrian mountains made me see red for a long time and Cassian was always there for me to let my anger out. He never faltered, never flinched, insult after insult I would hurl at him and he took it, he took all of it. No male every affected me the way he does, he gets under my skin in a way that terrifies me and coldness and anger is the only defense I have against him. But no matter how cold I am, no matter what I say or what I do, he looks at me with those hazel eyes and he sees me. Right through the mask I wear, to the broken soul underneath. He sees through every word I say and every facial expression I make and it is terrifying.
Vulnerability is something that I do not tolerate and Cassian strips me bare. And when i’m too tired to keep that mask up and he sees the emotion in my eyes, if just for a second, he doesn’t look afraid, he looks at me with hope in those hazel eyes and every time he does my heart almost shatters into a million pieces.
Then there’s other times when we are silently eating or he is in the sparring ring and I am not, when I watch him. The way he moves, the way he looks, the way he talks, I find it fascinating to watch him and I realize that I could watch him forever and I think I would like that very much. But he can never know that because if he knew that somehow over these months I have come to like his company, to trust him and rely on him, maybe even love him if I dared, then he would have the power to shatter me completely and I don’t think that is something I can live with, that sort of vulnerability.
I’m in the mood to fight with him, only because it secretly makes me smile and more and more recently I have found myself craving his company, not that I would ever let him see that. So I walk into where I know he always is at this hour with my back straight, chin high, and ice in my eyes. But something is different when I see him, something is wrong. He is sitting on a couch with his head in his hands and it looks as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He doesn’t even look up when I walk in and the ice in my eyes melts away into nothing. I’ve never seen him any way but cocky, arrogant and teasing. But right now he looks broken. Something snaps in me. Some instinct deep inside to protect what I care about and damn my own stupid feelings and insecurities. Elain has always been the only one who ever struck that instinct in me, I would ruin myself to keep her safe and there has never been anyone else but Elain, and Feyre too, that I would do that for. But right now, seeing Cassian look so tired, so broken, I know in my bones that I will ruin whoever caused him to feel anything but happiness, no matter the cost. And I realize that maybe I should stop fighting him and start loving him, maybe being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak, maybe it makes you strong. So I walk up to the couch and sit beside him, so close our thighs brush against each other. He doesn’t shift.
Cassian
She’s sitting next to me. That is the only thought in my head right now and every nerve in my body is focusing on the spot where our thighs are touching. My heart is pounding out of my chest and I make no move towards her, not even to lift my head.
“Cassian,” she says in a low voice.
I slowly lift my head towards her and now i’m 100% sure my heart is going to explode because her face is so much closer to me than I expected it to be and our breath is mingling together and her scent is filling my nose and that easily everything that was broken in me is mended.
“Nesta,” I say and my voice is husky.
Please no fighting, please please I can’t do it anymore please Nesta, thats what I want to say to her but I won’t because i’m truly a coward and I can’t stop staring at her face, every inch of her perfect face and i’m trying to memorize everything before she walks away again because she has never been this close before and I don’t want this moment to end and I—
“I hope the pain eases soon,” is what Nesta murmurs.
My heart is shattered and my bones are all on the floor and there is nothing left of me because she took it all, those 6 simple words and she owns me completely. How did she know how did she know how did she know.
“Iloveyounestaarcheron” the words come out of me in a gasp and I can’t believe I just said that out loud.
She looks at me, I mean really looks at me and I think i’ve never been so petrified in my life.
“What did you just say,” she says quietly, coldly.
I cringed to keep from shaking, “I said, I love you Nesta Archeron? Or or I didn’t say that at all... I’m not completely sure,” I laughed nervously.
Im an idiot. I can’t believe i’m here professing my love and stuttering to a girl who obviously couldn’t care less about me, I just ruined everything, everything I’ve ruined—
Her lips are on my throat and she is kissing me slowly, lightly and for a moment there is hope. Her lips move downward and now she is kissing across my collarbone but I don’t want her slow right now so I take her beautiful face is my hands and our lips are crashing together all tongues and teeth and I can’t taste her fast enough, can’t hold her close enough. Her hands are in my hair and my hands are making their way down down to her waist, to that perfect ass and I think i’m dreaming when she shifts so she is sitting on my lap and she starts grinding against me and a moan escapes my mouth and she pulls back and looks at me.
“I.. I love you too Cassian,and I want you, all of you, right.. right now,” she says.
I’m definitely dreaming right now but I don’t care because this is ecstasy and my cock won’t stop twitching beneath her and it’s getting harder by the second and I can feel her arousal against me and I think I might come right now. Her lips find mine again and she is kissing me deeply and fully, meanwhile she is unbuttoning my shirt and ripping it off and her hands are on my bare chest and she is grinding against me and I can’t handle all the things I’m feeling right now.
Nesta
I pull back from him and look at him. At his muscled tan chest and those hazel eyes and i’m not scared anymore and being vulnerable feels right, it feels right with him. So I lift my shirt from me and now i’m naked except for my pants and within half a second one of my breasts is in his mouth and I can’t stop moaning as his soft warm lips tease my nipple and he bites it relentlessly and I want more, more more more. I stand up quickly and slip off my pants and undergarments and he is unbuttoning his and soon we are both naked and i’m back in his lap. His hands move down to my sex and he teases my knot and i want more.
“Please Cas,” I moan.
And he responds by plunging two fingers inside me and it feels oh so good and I grind against his hands as they move and my release is coming fast but he stops, stops and looks at me, a question in his eyes.
“Yes,” I say breathlessly and then his considerable length is inside me and i’ve never felt anything so good and once he’s inside me to the hilt he waits so I can get used to the feel of him but i’m tired of waiting so I ride him, fast and hard.
He is moaning my name over and over and I think i’m screaming his but i’m so lost in the feel of him that I can’t hear a thing. He is moving fast and hard against me too and im building to a climax and so is he.
He screams my name as he spills inside me and I scream his as my release crashes through me too. We slow and my head is against his chest. We are both breathing hard and both coated in sweat but I have never been more content in my life.
“I love you i love you i love you i love you,” he whispers in my ear. We moved to his bed roll 4 hours ago where we made love thrice more times each more amazing than the last.
Now im in his arms with my head against his heart and I can hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat and I know that with him by my side, I don’t have to feel cold and empty anymore, not if I don’t want to. I am home, I am safe, after all this time.
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