#life and death situations then the dramaticness especially comes in and that's fun!! // also i read smth today about tragedy making you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

limarieb · 6 months

Text

(shades of) maroon

Pairing(s): Wanda Maximoff x (implied) fem!reader

Summary: The development of your relationship with Wanda from its glorious beginning to its bitter end. (Inspired by 'Maroon' by Taylor Swift.)

Warnings: strangers to friends to lovers, fluff... to angst, no happy ending (this is my weak attempt at writing angst), character death

Word Count: 6.2k

Author's Note: im still in the process of writing new stuff, so i hope you can enjoy some old writing from my ao3 in the meantime... also, requests are still open!

Main Masterlist | ao3 | Wattpad

...

When the morning came we, Were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf, 'Cause we lost track of time again, Laughing with my feet in your lap, Like you were my closest friend...

The stench of alcohol plagued the air surrounding you. You were not one to drink much, but Tony insisted on organizing another party — what was to be celebrated, you never really figured out. As the moment thirty minutes had passed since your arrival, the several shots you had done with Natasha were beginning to take effect. You were not drunk yet, but the shots definitely acted as a stepping stone. Beneath your skin, an underlying buzz was being contained.

You were talking to Natasha about the latest news in your life, considering the two of you do not always get to talk as much as you do since she is constantly on missions across the globe. As you raised your cup to your lips, you realized it was too effortless to lift. You excused yourself, making your way through the various attendees to get to the bar for a refill.

When the bartender asked you what you wished to order, you requested your usual: "Vodka Coke, please."

You remained where you were, but you elevated your left arm vertically enough to be placed on the counter. Slightly leaning, you use the angle to reach with your right hand into your pocket to retrieve the phone being stored there. Before you could, however, an unknown voice seemed to acknowledge you, "Interesting drink-of-choice... most go for a Rum and Coke."

You turned around, expecting to find out who this opinionated person is. What you did not expect, though, is said person being a beautiful brunette. Her eyes were one of the brightest shades of green, but they were dulled by the dark eyeliner outlining her eyes. The lengthy, brown hair cascaded down her back and shoulders. You even admired her sense of style; it was edgy — to say the least — but still very fashionable in your opinion. "I like to think I'm interesting," you began. "Otherwise, I'd be boring, and that's no fun. Even so, I refuse to accept that vodka is not the better one, especially compared to rum."

She let out a small laugh when you added a theatric gag at the end, showing your distaste for the latter drink. It was a bit dramatic, but you would do it again just to hear that laugh once more. With a slight smirk forming, she returned: "Coming from a place of people who praised that drink on their hands and knees, I am sure that I'm obligated to agree."

It was your turn to provide a chuckle at her joke, "Russia?"

"Close," she replied, tilting her head from left to right. "Sokovia."

Within seconds, the mood dampened a bit. You saw the numerous news reports of what had happened to the small country: ultimate destruction. There was a sharp intake of your breath, confused about how to properly respond in this situation (especially when you are intoxicated). The girl began chewing on her lip, which you assumed to be a nervous habit due to your lack of an immediate reply.

Once you finally opened your mouth, the bartender returned with your glass. You wrapped your hand around the glass, lifting it to take a sip. It was relatively sweet, yet it still contributed to the increasing levels of liquid courage.

The awkward tension was still present between you two. You could have simply left and returned to Natasha; instead, you opted to ignore it before she had the chance to leave you at the bar. "So," the word started to become drawn out. "Wanna get out of here?"

Her eyes widened, evidently thinking something entirely different than what you were expecting. "Not like that! I just mean, do you want to hang out at my apartment or something, instead of here? It's quite loud, and parties aren't really my thing, anyway. I just come because the alcohol is free. You don't have to, of course, but..."

The anxiety was starting to overpower the liquid courage, causing you to trail off as you finished your question; you left the hope that she accepts your offer to come with you unspoken. Finally, you could see the smile return to her face, removing most of the nervousness from your body. It was small but there nonetheless. "Ok," she agreed. "Under one condition, though. I want to know your name."

"Y/N. But, I'll also need to know yours."

"Wanda. Wanda Maximoff."

"Well, Wanda," you placed your now empty glass back on the counter. "We better get going."

Nothing necessarily happened that night. It was purely innocuous fun away from the overwhelming crowd at the party. Nonetheless, it was still one of the best nights of your life. You put some records on the turntable that sat on your bookshelf, allowing your favorite songs and scents of incense to fill the room. Wanda sat at the top of your bed with her back up against the wall. She was busy observing the decorations in your room, inferring the various quirks you possessed.

The two of you talked about many things that night. In the days after, you preferred to blame the openness on the alcohol; however, you knew it was because of her. It was simply easy to talk about anything and everything with Wanda. The Sokovian even shared some of her own stories, albeit with some difficulties. You ensured her it was alright if she didn't want to share, and she admired the respect you gave.

That is not to say it was all sad, traumatic memories being shared. You found out a few things about Wanda when she is tipsy and tired: she can be quite the comedian; she likes physical touch if she is comfortable with the person, resulting in the legs that were laying on your own; and her accent — which is incredibly enticing, you might add — becomes more prominent.

It was like you two had known each other since childhood; if another person had been present, they would assume you were best friends. And, honestly, you wouldn't disagree.

That was the night Wanda had both entered your life for the first time and risen the ranks to "best friend" status.

How'd we end up on the floor anyway? You say, "Your roommate's cheap-ass screw top Rosé", that's how, I see you everyday now...

A month had passed since the night of Tony's party, otherwise known as the night you befriended Wanda. You had seen each other practically every day since then, specifically in the evenings when you do not usually work. A few significant developments had taken place since then, including — but not limited to — the Sokovian becoming an Avenger. You could tell she was apprehensive about it all, concerning the relatively unstable powers she holds; thus, you tried to reassure her whenever you could in moments when her anxieties became overwhelming.

You texted her, letting her know that you were coming over to make her dinner that night. Thankfully, she had training, so the surprise you had planned wouldn't be ruined. A couple of days prior, you researched different Sokovian recipes. You vaguely recalled something she said about her favorite food being from home, but you couldn't exactly recall the name of the dish. After a few minutes, you finally found it: Chicken Paprikash.

As the cooking was coming to an end, you heard your phone ding from the counter, indicating that you had received a text message. Quickly, you wiped your hands of the food remnants on the towel that was closest to you. When the screen lit up, you noticed the message was from Wanda, saying she would be down in a few minutes. Panic began to bubble within you, as the food wasn't done yet and you haven't even gotten the drinks poured. Surely, it is not actually the time you planned to meet—

6:00 PM. That was the time staring back at you on the kitchen clock. Although, you did not have the time to think about how to rectify the problem. Footsteps were heard behind you, and you heard the mystery person inhale deeply through the nose. "Wow," they exclaimed. You knew that accented voice from anywhere: Wanda.

Slowly, you turned on your heels. "Hey, Wanda," you replied, unsure of what to say considering you were not done cooking let alone planning on what to say once she arrived.

"Is that Paprikash?" she asked as she approached the pot on the stove to take a glance for herself.

You gave a shy nod in return, "Yeah, I know you've been stressed lately with this and all." You used your free hand to motion to the surrounding building, referring to the fact she became an Avenger. "So, I wanted to do something to help, to bring you comfort. And, I know you said once that your favorite food was something from home, but I couldn't remember the name of it. But, fortunately, I was able to find it with my expertise in searching things on the internet. Ok, wait... that sounds weird—"

You stopped rambling once Wanda turned away from the stove to face you. Immediately, you noticed the tears forming in her eyes. Being the anxious person you were, you had assumed this was because of something you had done wrong. "No, no. Please don't cry, Wands. Did I make it wrong? I can make something else, or I— I can change it if I need to..."

It appeared to be quite the opposite, though. Wanda walked toward where you were standing only a few feet away. She looked up at you, taking in the genuine expression of concern on your face. No one has ever cared this much for her, excluding the family she once had when they were alive. So, she wrapped her arms around your abdomen and pulled your body as close to hers as possible. With her head resting on your shoulder near the collarbone (and your head laying on her own), you both relished in the comfort of the embrace. You brought your arms to her back, alternating between trailing your hand in up-and-down motions and in circles. Never had a hug felt so warm and relieving.

"No," she broke the silence after a moment had passed. "It's perfect, truly, Y/N. It's everything. I— I don't know how to thank you."

"You being here is enough."

The two of you ate the dish together in the peace of your own company. You found a spare bottle of rosé in Tony's cabinets, taking it to the table to be poured as needed. She loved it, as she had anticipated; yet, she loved your reaction almost as much as the food itself. You had told her that you had never had Paprikash before, that this was the first time you had eaten the dish let alone make it (which is one of the reasons why you were nervous). So, she waited impatiently with her bottom lip between her teeth as you took the first bite.

You had to admit, it was very good. In fact, it was so good that you let out a moan due to the combination of flavors currently occurring in your mouth. Upon realizing the sound you just realized, blood began to rush to your cheeks; the wine did not help the involuntary blush forming. The Sokovian laughed, not noting the latter events, and the two of you resumed eating the food and drinking the wine as conversation flowed easily.

It felt like you were transported back in time to the night you first met, feeling a similar buzz radiating under your skin. It took a similar effect on Wanda; therefore, you two decided to retire to her bedroom in the compound for the evening. It was late and you were not exactly the most sober, so she didn't want you driving home.

"Well, how could I say 'no' to a sleepover?" you supplied, humorously.

She smiled, and a sort of gleam came into her emerald eyes. Having been practically raised by sitcoms, she had always wanted something like this during her youth: a cliché sleepover with her best friend. She told you as such, "Good. I'm excited... I've never had a sleepover before, so..."

The shock you felt from that statement must have been evident on your face, for the gleam began to fade a bit while her expression slightly fell. "Well, that just won't do. We have to make this the best, classic, all-American girl sleepover. We need movies, snacks, blankets, and pillows. Do you have a game? Actually, never mind that. We can just do a verbal game like Truth or Dare or 20 Questions."

The plan you began drafting out loud caused the shine to return to Wanda's eyes. For hours, you spent your time in a fort you two built out of several blankets and pillows on the floor. The space was confined, requiring the two of you to lay as close as humanly possible. You watched two movies on your laptop, then switched to playing some games. You ended up playing 20 Questions, wherein you discovered some interesting things about each other. To summarize the most important conclusions, it was found out that: she has a guilty pleasure for stealing other people's clothes (specifically, oversized items like sweats or shirts), and you often took smoke breaks when you got stressed or overwhelmed (she liked to joke, saying she could tell that you were a "little stoner" at heart). However, the most intriguing discovery that was unearthed during the game was the potential that the other was not straight. During a round in which you were asked about your celebrity crush, you quickly gave your answer: "Florence Pugh or Brittany Snow. I don't know; they're both hot, honestly."

While you weren't exactly ashamed of your sexuality, you weren't sure of her opinions regarding the subject and didn't want to risk losing her. It never really came up in past conversations. As you registered what you just admitted, you kept your gaze down toward the carpet where you two were sitting. She gave a hum of approval, "I totally get it. Brittany in Pitch Perfect? Stunning. Florence in the Little Women remake? Perfect."

You looked up, finally allowing your eyes to meet hers. Obviously, she could tell you were succumbing to the nerves of your mind (it also helps when her powers make sensing others' strong emotions very easy). She remained in the same position from before, but her hand reached for the one resting in your lap. Taking it in hers, she gave it a gentle squeeze; the grasp strong enough to let you know she's not going to leave you. "I do not care if you're gay, Y/N. You know that, right? I don't mind women myself from time to time. It honestly depends on their personality more than their gender, you know?"

You have never felt so relieved and understood by another individual. You acknowledged her with a quick, almost unnoticeable nod. "Good," she continued with her classic smile on her face. "Wanna watch another movie?"

Sheltered by the blanket structure, you two resumed the positions of laying on the floor. This time, as the movie played on the computer in your lap, you felt her head lean on your soldier. Then, her right hand gradually crept closer to your left hand. Minutes later, her fingers were threaded between yours. At first, your heart was beating fast because you were nervous — she was making you nervous. As if she sensed this (which she did), she was able to calm you by using her thumb to rub the back of your hand.

You didn't have time to think about what it all meant that night; the two of you immediately fell asleep, and the rather serious elements of the night were seldom mentioned. Although, you only had one thought relating to Wanda before succumbing to slumber: Oh God.

And I chose you, The one I was dancing with, In New York, no shoes, Looked up, at the sky and it was...

Honestly, you were not sure if you were going to ever mention these newfound feelings you felt for the Sokovian. You wanted her to come to you, relying on whether or not she felt comfortable. While you wanted nothing more than to know whether or not she returned the sentiment, you also recognized she is in a fragile position. For instance, what if you tell her, and she totally freaks and doesn't want to be friends anymore? Or, what if she thinks that you don't want to be friends if she doesn't like you back, leaving her thinking she'll lose you? To say you were spiraling oftentimes about the situation was an understatement.

It didn't occur all of the time, though. In fact, the times you were simply spending moments with Wanda were enough to satisfy you, for that's all you truly wanted at the end of the day: her and her happiness.

About four months after you had met at the party, you were laying in Wanda's room at the compound. You were scrolling through your phone, looking at emails from the past few days that you had missed. Wanda, on the other hand, was reading a book she had just bought from a local bookstore. The room was under a comfortable silence; that is, until Wanda broke the silence with a random question: "Have you ever seen stars? I mean, in the sky... as the movies show them?"

"You haven't?"

It was not the best reply, looking back on it. The surprised tone could come across as judgmental — and, it definitely must have. The Sokovian began to sink into herself, her gaze lowering and the volume of her voice almost completely reduced. "No, I haven't," she said in a shaky response. "When I lived near Novi Grad, there were rarely nights where the sky was clear of clouds and fog enough to see any stars. Also, being locked in a cell made it quite difficult in terms of getting outside to see them. I haven't really stopped to think about it again until now."

You realized your mistake, "Sorry, Wands. I didn't mean to say it like that, like I was judging you. It's just weird to think, I guess, that you haven't seen them." There was a slight pause in your speech, "You know what? Come on." You grabbed her arm, pulling her off of the bed with you. The sudden action caused her to drop her book, but she was too occupied with trying to figure out what you were up to care about the forgotten novel.

"Where are we going, Y/N?"

"You'll see," you replied in a confident but excited tone.

"Y/N," she chuckled, loosening up. "We don't have our shoes on."

As the two of you entered the elevator, you pushed the button to take you to the highest possible floor. "Eh, shoes are for losers, anyway."

The ride took a minute or two, but the doors eventually opened in an achingly slow manner. You knew the sky would be clear tonight, therefore there would be stars visible in the upstate New York region. You took her hand in yours and dragged her outside to the rooftop.

"Well, look up!" you said, surely.

Wanda took a deep breath, then she hesitantly lifted her head. She gasped at the sight: hundreds or thousands of little white dots littered the dark, night sky. It was beautiful; there was nothing to compare it to in that regard.

She hugged you, similarly to how she did the night you made her favorite dinner for the first time.

"Do you like it?" you whispered into the ear that was conveniently located close to your mouth.

The Sokovian gave a slight nod, "I love it. I don't think I have ever seen something so extraordinary."

You nodded your own head in an unspoken agreement. The two of you just stayed there, remaining in the comfort of each other's arms as you took in the sights around you. After several moments passed, Wanda suddenly lifted her head to look directly into your eyes.

"Dance with me," she unexpectedly requested. It was not posed as a question, so you didn't think you had a choice in the matter (not that you'd deny her of anything she wanted anyways).

You moved your arms to be placed on her shoulders, encircling her neck; her arms maintained their positions around your waist. She moved her body closer, leaning near to the point that her forehead was resting against yours. This position should've been awkward — it would've been had it been anyone else; with Wanda, it felt so natural. Under the stars, the two of you simply swayed in the cool breeze of the August air.

"Y/N?"

You hummed.

"I choose you."

Your heart must have skipped multiple beats at that moment, but it did not stop you from giving your own confession: "I choose you, too."

In a speed that can only be deemed as torturous, you waited as Wanda slowly leaned in closer. Her eyes were constantly switching between your eyes and your lips. "Can— Can I kiss you?"

"Please," you practically whimpered.

Her head finally tilted and got closer until it hit — absolute fireworks. As her lips gracefully touched yours, you allowed your eyes to flutter shut to fully experience the moment in the most sensual way. It was not rushed or needy; it was the opposite, defined by the intimacy and passion that cannot possibly be found elsewhere. You could not think about anything other than how her rose-colored lips felt against yours. It is like the moment in which you finally find that missing piece that perfectly fits, bringing the puzzle all together; she's the missing piece, and your life is the completed puzzle.

As the kiss ended, you reluctantly pulled away. Her eyes remained closed at first, but they opened soon after. Her piercing green eyes never failed to stun you, not since the first day your own eyes landed upon her. You took your right hand, pushing a few strands of hair that had fallen to go behind her ear. She took her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What are you nervous about?" you inquired, noting the habit.

Her eyebrows furrowed, "What do you mean?"

"You were biting your lip," you explain. "You only do that if you're nervous about something, like when you first talked about Sokovia or when you just wanted me to like the Paprikash because it's your favorite."

It was not the response she expected, but something about it made Wanda like you even more than she had previously. "Nothing, truly. I just really like you... just in case the kiss we had did not prove that enough."

"I can't even begin to describe how much I like you, Wanda. You make me so inexplicably happy; you have for a while now."

"A while, huh?" she teased, her signature smirk forming.

Unfortunately, so did your blush as you conceded, "About three months, give or take."

The Sokovian tried to do the mental work to deduce the time period, "Around the night of the sleepover?"

The blush on your cheeks brightened, and you gave a nod to affirm her response.

"We got there, eventually," she offered.

"Yeah," you agreed with a grin. "We did."

You couldn't resist the temptation any longer and shifted your head to give her more kisses. You started with light butterfly kisses on her jawline. Slowly but surely, you transferred to her cheek, to her forehead, to the tip of her nose, then — finally — locked your lips to hers.

If you could kiss her for hours, you would; so, you did. That night under the sea of stars, you two repeatedly exchanged kisses loaded with all of the feelings that had been pent up inside for a while.

The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine into me, And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was- The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust it grew between telephones The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon...

You weren't sure exactly when you knew it was love. Obviously, you have known you loved her as a person for a while considering she was your best friend; but, romantic love — loving her as a partner, your supposed other half — is entirely distinct from that sort of platonic love of friends and family.

In retrospect, you think it has to be New Year's Eve. It was below freezing outdoors, leaving residents confined to the inside of their homes. This was not an issue for you and your girlfriend, for you two would never complain about the need to cuddle with each other for extra warmth.

Due to the holiday, Tony was throwing another extravagant party, which you two had obviously been invited to attend. That is how you found yourself in this predicament:

You had been standing out on the balcony for about fifteen minutes; it was getting a bit hectic inside with many people being in attendance. Normally, you'd just seek Wanda for comfort; however, you couldn't find her, leaving you to your own devices. The only immediate solution you could think of was to exit the situation by standing on the balcony in the cold air.

Though you'd been lost in thought for a while, a pair of familiar hands brought you back to the present. They tangled around your waist, one pulling you close to the front of the body behind you and the other holding a glass of red wine.

"дорогая, what are you doing out here? It's freezing," she moved her face closer to your neck. You tilted your head to the side in order to give her more access. She took advantage of this offer, peppering sweet kisses to the side of your neck. "Are you okay?" she asks, the concern evident in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm okay now," you confirmed, trying to ease her mind in the way that she does yours. "I just felt overwhelmed in there... a lot of people."

She gave a hum of agreement, "I don't even know how he knows that many people."

Her comment elicited a small laugh from you, which she took as a good sign of your emotional well-being. You let out a whine of annoyance when she briefly let go of you. As you turned to face her, though, your arm must have nudged the hand holding the glass of wine. Before anything could be done, the red liquid began to seep into your attire.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry," Wanda raised her empty hand to cover her mouth in shock. "дорогая, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spill it. Oh my God, I ruined your clothes."

Meanwhile, you tried saying her name multiple times to try to stop her ranting. You understood it was not her fault; if anything, it was mainly yours for lacking basic spatial awareness. Eventually, you realized she would not stop on her own accord; thus, you placed your lips on hers in a final attempt to get her to slow down before she officially spiraled.

When you finally pulled away, she kept her eyes close because she was afraid of your rejection. "Wanda?" you pleaded. "Wanda? Baby, can you please open your eyes for me?"

In an apprehensive manner, she revealed her eyes to you. If the tears were not sufficient in proving her internal panic, you could feel the anxiety that was radiating from her body. "It's okay. I promise that it is okay, baby. Accidents happen, okay?"

She sniffled, clearly upset but relieved that you were not mad at her for the mistake. You raised your hands to her face, using your thumbs to wipe the lonely tears that began to slowly roll down her lightly-freckled cheeks. As you did so, the two of you stared into each other's eyes in an endless endeavor. You could barely make out the sound of a countdown coming from indoors:

"10..."

You moved to be as close to her as you could.

"9..."

"Wanda..." you said.

"8..."

You kept your thumbs stagnant now, simply cupping her face between your hands.

"7..."

"Y/N?"

"6..."

She followed suit, circling your torso with her hands.

"5..."

"I— I want to tell you something."

"4..."

"What, дорогая?" she pondered aloud, genuinely curious as to what you were about to say.

"3..."

"I love you, Wanda Maximoff. Not even with just my heart, I love you with my whole being."

"2..."

Your novel confession caused her breath to hitch in her throat. The tears that you had just wiped away were now returning with fervor.

"1..."

"I love you, too. I love you so much."

Thus, as the clock struck midnight signaling the start of a new year, you kissed the woman you loved with such a deep, irreplaceable passion. You felt like you could never come down from this high.

When the silence came we were shaking blind and hazy, How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbin' with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends?

Looking back on your relationship, it was evident that you were susceptible to naïveté. When the clock strikes midnight, it does not stay midnight. The minutes will keep passing, for time does not stop for anything or anyone. Unfortunately, you had to find this out the hard way:

"Y/N?" you heard your girlfriend call you from a nearby room.

"In here!"

As she walked into the room, there was an unusual heaviness in her step. The atmosphere around you, too, was spoiled; it made you feel uneasy.

"Is something wrong, Wands?"

Given that she couldn't meet your gaze and continued to play with the rings on her fingers, it was evident that she didn't want to say whatever she had to, or that she simply didn't know how to do it in the first place: "I have to leave. I won't be back for a while."

"What do you mean?" you became even more confused. "Wanda, what the hell? What do you mean you have to leave? You have to go where? Go... Why?"

She stepped further back in favor of pacing the room. "I— I don't know, Y/N. They want me... the government, I mean... because of this mess between Tony and Steve. Natasha is setting up a safe house and a fake identity for me somewhere, most likely not on this continent. I'm so sorry. I don't want to go, but you're not safe as long as I'm here. I can't let you get hurt because of me... that has happened enough times in my life."

"No, Wanda," you cried out, not believing the words were actually true. "No! I— this isn't happening. No, you're not leaving."

"дорогая..." she trailed off, unsure of how to express her sympathy.

"No!" you began to yell, officially beyond upset. "You can't leave me; I refuse. I don't care whether you think I'm safe or not. You don't get to make that decision for me; we make that choice together. I want to be with you, Wanda! I love you; please don't leave me."

The sight unfolding before the Sokovian was heartbreaking. She could only repeat her earlier words, "I'm sorry, дорогая... I will always love you, Y/N, no matter what."

With your arms shakily encircled around your noticeably trembling body, you attempted to find solace. Further, your red face had tears flowing with no end. Wanda eventually gathered the encourage approach you. Initially, you tried to resist it by pushing her away or shrugging her off. You were so frustrated, wanting to show her that you were upset she was leaving you when you two could have stayed together. But, you gave in, for you'll always need her comfort in the end. You probably looked pathetic as you held onto her, sobbing into her chest with your arms clutching hers as if she'd fade away at any moment. Then again, you have never felt your heart physically break as much as it did that day.

Unfortunately, that sentiment didn't last very long. Only a few months later you received a call from an unknown number. Before the Avengers left and began to hide around the globe, you never would have answered the call of an unknown number. However, you know Wanda was also told not to contact you. At least, she would not be able to contact you with her personal phone, which she had left at your place with you.

Actually, you were on her phone when it happened. Oddly, you were feeling okay that day. It felt like the weight of the sadness was lifting, beginning to understand this situation would all be temporary. So, you allowed yourself to finally open her phone and scroll through all of the pictures and videos she had of you two. As you were watching a video that she took of you and her at Christmas last year, the call from the unknown number came through on your own phone. You stood silent for a moment, as if the phone would sense your presence and stop ringing if you moved a muscle. Your subconscious freeze ended, and you scrambled to the phone upon thinking about the possibility that Wanda is finally calling you after these past few months on the run.

You were close; the phone call was from Natasha. You knew she had been keeping tabs on Wanda in the beginning. You assumed she was currently acting as the middleman for a message from Wanda — you were very wrong.

"Hello?"

"Y/N?" the voice came through the speaker.

"Natasha? Is that really you? Hello? Oh my God, is everything alright? Wanda... how's Wanda? Have you heard from her? She hasn't contacted me at all this whole time, and I'm starting to get worried. Has it been too long? Natasha, what is happening? I'm scared..."

"Y/N..."

You didn't like that tone. It's the one someone uses when they know something is wrong, but they don't want to tell you that said thing is wrong. It was at that point you knew something was really wrong.

"No, Natasha. No. Tell me. I need to know. I love her, Natasha. I deserve to know."

"Wanda... she's— she's gone."

Time will never stop for anything or anyone; that principle was evident long ago when you two first confessed your love for each other on the balcony on New Year's Eve. That does not mean time cannot exponentially slow down. For at this moment, that is exactly what happened. As if your body took over for your mind, you went on autopilot: hanging up the phone on Natasha without any words being said and falling onto your knees in a fit of despair. The sob released from within can only be described as primitive, and the feeling as permanent. You clutched your chest, similar to the way you did when Wanda first told you she'd have to leave months ago.

That is not to say you blame Wanda or anyone around you, including yourself, for the outcome of today. You know there was no way of knowing, so logically nothing could've been changed in the end nor the beginning.

You were bound to be alone. Wanda wouldn't be there to hold your hand when you watched a movie, gently kiss the side of your neck when you were overwhelmed, or worry herself at the silly mistakes she made; she wouldn't be there to roll her eyes at your admittedly stupid jokes, kiss your lips while you made dinner for the two of you, or hold you in bed after a long day or a terrible nightmare. But, most importantly, Wanda — the love of your life — wouldn't be there to get married to you, raise the three children you two always wanted (because "one is not enough and two is average, but four is definitely too much"), or experience the other joys of spending the rest of your lives together as you two had intended.

At first, you were just sad all of the time. It was an endless pit of despair, rendering you hopeless. You had your whole life planned with her being in it; how could you ever live that same life, especially happily, now that she's not here to experience it with you?

Then, a switch occurred in your mind one day. The sadness quickly faded into a wave of hateful, vengeful anger. It felt like your body and soul were constantly plagued with so much anger and hurt, because how dare this happen to you two? How dare this happen to her after she's already been through and lost so much? And, how dare this happen to you after you finally found your person?

The worst of it all is it felt like you still see her everywhere, from the compound to the grocery store. Even today, there are constant reminders making it impossible for you to escape the maroon lens Wanda had left on your life. You had once perceived the maroon to be a sign of warmth and love, of Wanda herself; how could you possibly have known that one day all it would come to mean was the seething red of anger?

End.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen #marvel imagines #limarieb #limarieb wanda maximoff #taylor swift #songfic

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nukaberries · 8 days

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Hellooo again!! Glad to see your up and going again! could you do sole acting gullible to all of deacons tall tales but they eventually tell him they know he’s making things up but just go along with him cause they like hearing how creative he is with his lies.

HI!! Yeah, it's about time I brought this blog back from the dead lmao, I've been meaning to get around to it for a while now, so this is long overdue. As for this request, I love Deacon so much (I think I just have a soft spot for silly guys w sunglasses tbh???? Because I also love Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat) Deacon deserves way more love though, I don't think I ever would've romanced him personally, but I do wish the option was there for the Deacon lovers.

Deacon with a 'Gullible' Sole

Deacon doesn't question it initially, most people tend to fall for his lies, apart from the likes of his fellow Railroad agents, who are more than used to his antics.

Besides, saying he's a synth isn't exactly something that Sole can disprove, unless they plan on killing him to find out, which doesn't sound like an ideal outcome, if you ask him.

But when Sole seems to believe his claim that he's the real leader of the Railroad, no questions asked, he starts to wonder if he's just a good liar or if Sole is somewhat naïve.

He decides to test out his theory, seeing how bold his lies can be until Sole stops falling for them.

At first, he starts small. "Hey, did you know I once beat a Super Mutant to death with a box of Sugar Bombs?"

They eventually get more outlandish, until he's effortlessly convincing Sole that Carrington is a Brahmin, who became sentient and has a really good surgeon.

He has more fun than he expects to, telling the most ridiculous lies he can think of, coming up with intricate stories behind them, more to entertain himself than anything.

Eventually he starts to feel a little guilty about all the lying, surely, this is just bullying at this point, especially when Sole believes him wholeheartedly every single time.

So, he decides to come clean... Well, Glory insists he comes clean, by threatening to put a dead bloatfly in his bed.

Much to his surprise, when he tells Sole the truth, they simply nod and tell him that they've known all along.

He hadn't planned for this outcome, and it starts to make him question the whole situation. Who'd been fooling who?

Sole explains that they'd known he was lying after taking a look at the 'recall code' he'd given them and after that, they'd just enjoyed seeing how creative his lies could get.

Admittedly, Deacon can't help but be impressed that, for once in his life, he's the one being tricked.

But he will make a point to dramatically sulk about it for a few days, his pride is a little hurt after all.

#fallout #fallout headcanons #fallout imagines #fallout x reader #fallout 4 #deacon #deacon fallout #deacon x sole survivor #i will always side with the railroad and deacon is a big reason for that #and glory #and tinker tom #all of the railroad actually #i love those little freaks so much

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atamascolily · 16 days

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5 things I enjoy writing meme

Thanks, @aptericia for tagging me!

I'll start by saying that every creator has a series of themes and motifs that especially resonate with them and show up again and again in their most powerful works, and I'm no exception. The #vein of gold tag on my blog is devoted specifically to those posts which capture mine when I find them in the wild. Learning to articulate this both visually and verbally was one of the most rewarding exercises I ever did, allowing me to specifically customize my fics for maximum personal appeal instead of hitting it by accident.

That said, here are some more general things that don't quite fit into the tag but I still enjoy writing:

Awkward situations - I really love forcing characters to be uncomfortable, not necessarily in the sense of 'big dramatic terrible things' like injury or death, but in small, petty, but no less impactful ways. These are often, but not always, social, but they don't have to be--I like a certain level of realism even in my fantasies, which translates into a lot of low-level annoyances that are often omitted from stories. I know a lot of people write specifically to get away from that, but I love it precisely because it's so rarely modeled in fiction and it's so true to life.

Experimenting with different structures, formats, styles, tropes, and POVs -- if I read something innovative or cool or different, I instantly want to play in the same sandbox and write my own version of it. Basically, I'll try almost anything at least once, just for the hell of it and as a personal challenge.

Meta essays are like infodumping, but more organized and with citations and once you write them, you can just drop the link instead of endlessly repeating yourself. :)

Witty banter and snark, my beloved! Also puns, wordplay, and literary allusions - anything where I get to exercise my zany sense of humor, which often goes hand in hand with crack scenarios.

I also really like writing for specific people - I do a lot of exchanges, and I enjoy the challenge of finding that sweet spot where my recipient's tastes and my tastes overlap, especially since tailoring a fic to a specific audience is an essential writing skill. Sometimes I'll get an idea and just know someone who would like it, and it's fun to give gifts for any or no reason! Writing can be lonely, so I appreciate the social aspects of fandom, and the interactivity, especially when it generates new and interesting ideas I never would have come up with on my own.

I am the place where memes and tag games go to die, but if anyone reading this feels inspired to join in, please do so!

#writing memes #writing life

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rei-caldombra · 2 months

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Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic Anime Episodes 4-9 Review - Rose is a 10/10.

Back for another post about Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic anime, covering episodes 4-9. I’m still loving this show and wanna talk about it more without waiting until the end. Spoiler warning. I edited the image used for the thumbnail, feel free to use it fellow Rose simps.

The greatness in episode 8 and 9 is the main reason I am writing a new post now and will be the bulk of the post, but I’ll talk a bit about the earlier episodes. Watching the three main characters slowly grow and come into their own has been nice to watch. I still enjoy seeing them have slightly different outlooks while still connecting on the basis of the crazy situation they were thrust in. They all needed different amounts of time and experiences to process things and make up their mind. Hopefully we will get some more great stuff from seeing them be together again for the big battle. We got some solid new characters

I didn’t mention how I feel about the OP in the first post, I think it’s really great. The music really gets you hyped. The art is great, everyone looks awesome and has very detailed and expressive looks. I don’t have too much to say about the ED, it’s fine but nothing notable to me. It does remind you of the life Suzu had before coming here, which at least gives some relevant purpose to the visuals.

A minor gripe is that as of now I really don’t see the purpose of the future vision that Usato was shown. I don’t really feel like it changed his way of thinking or his actions. I did not feel like he was especially cocky or not taking the situation seriously, and he already had Rose instilling in him (and us as the viewer) that war is terrible and that he will be responsible for keeping people alive. Maybe there will be more to it later but I do not think this did anything for me as of now. It may have just had the purpose to drive up tension but I do not think forcing it with something dramatic like this was needed.

Now onto the highlight of the middle section of the anime, episodes 8 and 9 which cover Rose’s backstory. Hearing my favorite voice actress Konomi Kohara in episode 8 was a welcome surprise. Her voice for Aul is probably the hardest to recognize out of anything I've heard from her as the tone is very different. I immediately thought about it upon hearing her talk but was not certain until her crying when she got punched convinced me. I’d know her yelling and crying noises anywhere. Kohara excels at bringing cute, cheerful energy that immediately makes you endear for the character.

I think the time we got with Rose’s original squad was well done. It gave us enough time to let us feel the bond, but not so long that we felt we were wasting time with characters we knew would be dying. Aul is the only one who gets proper focus, but for the purpose of the unit focus on all of them was not needed. We also did get a nice moment that helped us feel that the other members were all people with names and lives. The scene where Rose talks to the parents of Josh hits hard and got me genuinely emotional. It's great for the world to have the events of that fight have an impact on more than just Rose. Hearing such a positive spin on the death of a soldier really hit hard. I hope most parents of fallen soldiers can reach the point of healthy acceptance that these two did. This scene both helps Rose and for the point of this blurb, reminds us that even though the other members like Josh did not get focus, they have some more substance than just extra soldiers.

A criticism I have seen levied was that it took too long to get the war content that it’s been building up to. It did take quite a while to get some proper action, but the action delivers. It is by no means at the top level of anime action that we have gotten in recent times, but it is good. The art is pretty great while being fun and engaging, with one of the best moments of the show being her chucking trees. There was solid pacing too, with the action not being stopped for too long by exposition. I enjoyed this fight and hope the upcoming fights are up to its caliber at least.

I really appreciate the show bringing up how losing her eye in the battle made a big difference in the moment. A pet peeve of mine is how often shows degrade the impact and weight of a character losing an eye. Most of the time they just keep fighting the same as normal or acclimate way too fast. I love her mentioning specifically that her depth perception is off because of losing her eye. In a proper battle that would make a massive difference. And while losing an eye only takes away about 30% of your vision, that could also mean the difference between life and death when you have arrows and magical blasts aimed at you. Characters barely changing from losing an eye sabotages dramatic weight and breaks my immersion in combat. I appreciate that this show gave her losing her eye the gravity it deserves in the moment even if it was just a bit of dialogue. Just the proper acknowledgement of the issues losing an eye brings means a lot to me.

The battle ending with the demon commander being saved is also an interesting one. They’re clearly setting up here that the demons are not meant to just be evil adversaries. It also shows the strength of Rose’s character by not having her fall into a blind rage and completely flipping as a character. Even after seeing her friends be killed, she still saw the meaning in her adversary wanting to save someone dying on the battlefield. This hits Rose at the core of who she is. Both humans and demons have people they care about and want to save. Up to this point I honestly didn’t have anything to say about the demons as they seemed like your standard demonic adversaries, but this makes me feel positive that we will get solid substance from them.

I think Rose’s fall into depression and recovery is well done. I like how we got a variety of her thoughts rather than jumping straight to a strong reaction. She did contemplate suicide, but she is engaging in self-punishment and doesn’t believe she has the right to die. But what should she do with this life? She thought about going on a demon murder rampage and getting revenge, but she already recognized that is not the right thing to do. She spent over a month stuck in her depression rather than going back so we can infer she considered quitting altogether. Another great aspect of Rose’s emotional side of things is how she gave herself the pep talk based on her memories, rather than getting a stereotypical pep talk from someone else. It’s important to show how support from others is important for emotional processing, but getting over every emotional hump doesn’t come from someone telling you how great you are, and sometimes you do need to work through things yourself internally. The king and other knight checking up on her likely helped but this is clearly not written the same as a pep talk. Sometimes people can work through things on their own with enough time to process. And this isn’t from negative behavior like her not accepting help or having a bloated ego. The problem was all internal and there is no way anyone else could have properly related to her as no one else has the capabilities she does. I love that it took a long time for her to reach this. It’s important to note how long it takes to cope with your emotions. And to return to the pep talk point, sometimes those pep talks that make a person’s emotional state do a complete 180 make it seem like overcoming bad emotions is easy. I really like her growth comes from her thinking about their lives rather than about their deaths. It’s obvious that after a horrific event like she experienced, she would hyperfixate on their deaths. She already had the answer as Aul was dying, that she should not hate herself and to continue being the strong and kind person she is.

She was also told by Josh's parents that she should not be ashamed of herself and what she has done. But the severity of the moment muted the positive impact of those words. When she is able to think about what came before that terrible event, she realizes the proper way to think. By remembering what her squad said while they were alive, she was able to put her own life into perspective and find a goal. Knowing everything that happens, it feels like a logical conclusion for Rose to focus entirely on saving lives. As a character within the archetype of the tough brutal teacher, Rose feels far above the rest as a dynamic and fleshed out character who does not exist just to be hated. She does the usual drill sergeant type of thing while having proper motivation and emotional reasoning behind it. She’s not brutal just so the main character has to struggle, she is brutal because of her backstory that stands entirely on its own. Rose really is a fantastic character by all metrics and she alone makes this show worth the watch.

This show continues to have great characters and excellent execution. We did have to wait a little too long for some great action with overall slow pacing, but it was still enjoyable, and I see some value in the slow buildup. The buildup was very successful for Rose’s side of things, so I feel confident that the buildup will have been worth it for Usato’s side as well. Hopefully this anime will continue on strong through to its conclusion. Thanks for reading!

#anime #review #blog #winter 2024 anime #the wrong way to use healing magic #Chiyu Mahou no Machigatta Tsukaikata

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moff-times · 7 months

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I've recently been gaining this theory. Severus Snape is commonly regarded as the one who flounces in the HP fandom despite being serious and a bit scary, yet is also a drama queen. Which leads me to my question for you:

Is Director Krennic the one who flounces in the Star Wars Universe?

An answer would be appreciated, but not required!

Hello! Thanks for the ask! ^^

I must say that I don't know anything about the HP fandom, although I was under the impression that Snape was well-liked (I might be wrong). From what I remember from the first movies that came out when I was a kid, he was supposed to be more laconic and sarcastic than going around flouncing buuut again that was again my impression.

As for Krennic, another disclaimer, I have yet to read Catalyst (it's been sitting on my bookshelves gathering dust for a few years now but no time, no energy) and what I'm about to say about him is just my awfully personal view.

In Rogue One we are firstly introduced to an Orson Krennic that has a manner of cool and sarcasm about him. In when he recaptures Galen Erso, he commands the scene with a sense of self-reassurance. He dictates the pace and the events. The future is bright, and there is a long road ahead. I see little flouncing in that scene tbh. As for dramatic, well... I guess some would point that his cape is overly dramatic but I'd say that capes have not been something unheard of in certain real life military corps so... I personally don't see anything dramatic there xD

Then we skip quite a few years and once again we meet him. This time, he's a Director, and everything has changed. Krennic is under an incredible amount of stress, more than ever before. As more and more time passes, the greater his certainty that, despite his position, despite the Death Star being a successful project (ESPECIALLY after that), he is replaceable. He knows that his life is on the line unless he makes himself indispensable. He has all the cards, skills and authority to make it out alive, if he plays them well. But he slips more and more, to a boiling point, a couple of times (notably in three moments: 1s, when yells for the officers to fire the Death Star; 2nd "this is my achievement" line; 3rd, when he yells at the officers to deploy their troops in Scarif). Despite being terrified through the entirety of the film, I'd say he keeps his cool rather well except for some outbursts here and there, considering the extreme circumstances surrounding his whole arc. Take the way he keeps it together when he first meets Tarkin, his brooding mien in his shuttle, the sheer coldness about him when he deals with the traitor situation in Eadu. Oh, and his reaction when they test the Death Star in Jedha for the first time. Rather refined, I'd say, despite Tarkin's constant goading. He simply smiles and walks out, letting actions speak for themselves (probably thinking "suck that and come back for another"). It's only when it's taken from him when he explodes.

Soooooo after all this rant that I didn't know I had to get off my chest, is Director Krennic the once who flounces in Star Wars?

The short answer is that fandom works in mysterious ways. Sometimes it's fun to focus on certain aspects of a character, for the sake of crack or lighthearted content, and that sort of stuff is most times quite self-conscious. Just people that are aware of what they are doing: having a good time, and that's what fandom, imho, should be about. Sometimes though, this goes a bit out of hand and the anecdote is turned into the norm, if you know what I mean. Taking a character and putting them in a box with a label, reducing their overall personality to said label against all evidence found in canon sources (in this fandom I use the term canon in an expansive way to both new and legends/eu stuff btw) . And it would seem that Krennic is sometimes indeed reduced to flouncing drama queen in settings beyond "just having my silly good time with my silly little meow meow".

I hope this answer was satisfactory, or at least congruent!

#asks #orson krennic #personal opinion

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urlexaprohoe · 2 years

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Dear Mother… (One shot)

This story is made out of letters, which Y/N wrote to her dead mother during the time her husband Tommy was away for war.

Dear Y/N

Warnings: Angst, mentions of war, mentions of death, this story is depressing!

1648 words

“What was he like before France?“

- “He laughed a lot.“

Dear Mother,

Today, Thomas took me on one last date before he goes away to fight for our country like the brave man he is. I am scared. I wish you would be here with me, so I could ask you for advice on how to be a supportive wife to him.

Thomas gifted me some roses, they smell just as beautiful as they look. Hopefully I can preserve them just like you taught me when I was a child. After that, he took me to the park where he proposed to me 6 months ago…when we didn’t know that he’d have to go away so soon.

I held his hand the whole time because I know that I won’t be able to feel his touch for a long time now. Sometimes, I regret not giving you as much affection as I could have given you and I don’t want to make the same mistake with him. Thomas doesn’t seem to be as scared as I am. A few days ago, when I was over at his family’s place, I had a little chat with his big brother Arthur. I think I’ve already told you about him, him and John are the fun part of family meetings, for sure.

He told me that he talked to his brother a few days ago and Thomas cheered him up quite well. He never fails to do that, even in the most difficult situations. I know that Arthur is just as scared as I am. We both don’t get how Thomas is able to suppress his fear so well. He reminds me of dad sometimes, when he always used to distract us during thunderstorms, when the both of us were sure that our roof would be blown away.

I miss both of you. With you, this situation would be a lot more bearable, I’m sure.

Love you always,

Y/N.

Dear Mother,

Thomas has been away for 3 months now. He sent me a letter about a month ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it until today. Now I’m writing to you again, because my fear has risen. I’ve been able to distract myself pretty well these past few days, helping Polly and Ada with the business. He hasn’t lost his hopeful spirit, I’ve seen it in the way he writes. Thomas spent at least half of the letter telling me how much he loves and misses me, it was quite beautiful.

He also asked me about the baby.

Mother, I am truly scared. I don’t know how to care for a child just yet, especially not without you by my side. I wish we would’ve waited just a little bit longer to figure out that I would have to bring our child into the world without my beloved husband by my side. I’m in my 4th month now and things start to become harder to manage. Sometimes, I wonder about how you managed everything while having to carry me with you all the time. You told me how difficult pregnancy was for you, I guess I’ve always been a troubling child.

Thomas and I have already decided the names. If the baby is a boy, we want to name him Charles. If the baby is a girl, we want to name her Elizabeth, after you. I think you’d like that a lot.

I know that everything will go well with you watching over me.

Love you always,

Y/N.

Dear Mother,

I don’t know what to do. Thomas hasn’t written to me in months. They talk about the war on the streets, really bad things. Polly taught me not to listen to them, people tend to dramatize a lot of things. But I can’t handle the thought of Thomas not coming home to me and Charles.

The baby was a boy, by the way. I know that you would have preferred a girl, honestly, me too. But when I first looked into those light blue eyes, it was love at first sight. He looks just as pure as his father. I know that he’ll grow up to be a beautiful young man. When I’m holding him in my arms, I feel less alone, less scared. I feel like I’m able to manage everything for once.

Now I finally understand all of the things you’ve told me about motherhood when I was little. I would do everything for this child, even if it meant giving my life for him.

But as long as my husband is away, I’ll try to give Charles as much love as two parents could give him.

I wonder how Thomas will react when he sees his son for the first time. Maybe he’ll cry, just like when I told him about my pregnancy for the first time. He was so excited to become a father. We’ll take Charles to the little lake we used to walk around when the both of us felt stressed out. Maybe we’ll get a chance to feed some of the cute ducks there, I’m sure Charles would like that very much.

I really hope that the war won’t escalate further, I want my son to have a happy childhood, just like I had on our little farm.

Love you always,

Y/N.

Dear Mother,

I know that I haven’t written to you in a long time, I just wasn’t able to. Charles is three years old now and he has grown up to become a beautiful young boy. I had lost all hope in holding my husband in my arms once again, but Thomas and the other soldiers actually came back, well, some of them did…

I know that you probably wonder why I write to you in such a cold tone. The truth is, I don’t know how to feel right now. He has changed. When I held him in my arms for the first time, it felt like holding a completely different man. The spark in his eyes was gone, his cheerful smile was gone. He hasn’t smiled once for the whole time he has been back home.

Polly doesn’t know what to do either. She told me that Arthur and John both look like they haven’t slept in weeks. She let Arthur stay over once and during the night, he started to scream, scared that the soldiers might break through the walls with their shovels banging against the wall.

I’m afraid that I feel exactly the same. Sometimes, when I lay awake during the night, I can feel Thomas breathing heavily next to me and in the next moment, he just gets up and walks outside without a single word. Sometimes, he just doesn’t come back until the morning. Then he sits at the breakfast table, staring at a corner before leaving to handle business.

Business. His new wife.

It seems as if he doesn’t have time for Charles and me. Everytime I ask him if he will go on a walk with us to the little lake, like I’ve told you, he just waves off and tells me that he doesn’t have time for that right now. He always has to handle his business.

I’ve learned not to ask questions. Sometimes, he comes home with blood all over his white shirts and I’m too scared to ask whether itˋs his own blood or someone else's.

Ada has already given up this family in her mind. Or at least it feels like she has. But who can blame her? They’ve all become so cruel. A few years ago, Arthur and John were joking around all the time, but nowadays, I just see them fight. When they get drunk, it’s the worst. I don’t want Charles to see such behaviour, so I’ve given up on bringing him with me to the family meetings. They don’t care about spending time with him anyways.

I plan on talking to Thomas during the next few days, like you always used to do when you had an argument with my father. Maybe it will help us solve some issues.

Love you always,

Y/N.

Dear Mother,

I am currently sitting on a train to London. I have taken Charles with me, he is sleeping peacefully. I don’t know if he knows that we won’t come back. Talking to Thomas hasn’t resolved anything, things have become even worse. We have started to fight more and more and I have noticed that Charles has become more distant towards me. Maybe he’s scared of me because he sees me screaming at his father.

But I just feel so helpless.

Thomas is at the races with his brothers, handling business, as always. I’ve taken the opportunity to leave this godforsaken place for good. It’s time to start a new life, with a new name. People have started to become more and more afraid of me and I know it’s because of my husband. I don’t want to know what he does to them.

When I met him, I always thought of my father and you. It just felt like love at first sight, the perfect man for me, just like you told me about my father.

I would’ve loved growing old with Thomas. But this isn’t the Thomas I’ve fallen for all these years ago. This isn't the Thomas that would bring me fresh roses and take me on little walks through the park.

This is a cold, heartless man. This is a man that only loves his work, not his family, not his wife, not even his precious little son. I’ll learn to raise Charles to be the man I wanted to have by my side.

Thomas will always be on my mind and I hope that you’ll forgive me for leaving my husband behind. I failed at being a supportive wife.

The train is coming to a stop now. It’s time to start over.

I’m sorry,

Y/N.

#peaky blinders #arthur shelby #john shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby one shot #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinders imagine

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paxesoterica · 9 months

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Some Thoughts About the First 3 Episodes of Mobile Suit Gundam [0079] Part 2

*Spoiler warnings again for both Mobile Suit Gundam and The Witch from Mercury.

*I forgot to mention this in Part 1, but the first time I saw Amuro in animation isn't 0079, but was instead the time he met Hello Kitty, who proceeded to transform his enemies into super deformed versions of themselves:

youtube

*And yes, you should watch this, even if you know absolutely *nothing* about Hello Kitty or Gundam (or, perhaps especially if you know nothing). Incidentally, super deformed (SD) Gundams have a long history in the franchise, so what Hello Kitty does isn't even that weird for Gundam (just imagine if she met Suletta instead, and transformed Aerial).

*Another thing I forgot to mention, was that the show's pretty competent about transitions: the Zeon's soldiers earlier were scouting Side 7 via binoculars, which led to them spying Fraw's buggy and switching to her perspective, and her discussion with Amuro about his dad incidentally transitions to scenes with the folks working on Side 7's secret military projects. While the titular Gundam is one of those projects, it's not the only one: I've mentioned before that several characters will be joining White Base, which is a new battleship the Earth Federation has been constructing:

*Shiny! And yes, very toyetic, though I'm growing to get very annoyed at people who refer to Gundam shows as toy commercials as a pejorative about their storytelling quality (some folks have been especially fond of talking about Witch from Mercury that way, and always for the same reason).

*Aboard White Base, we get to meet Amuro's dad, Lieutenant Tem Ray.

*The book he's reading is the instruction manual on how to pilot the Gundam, which I believe was written either partially or in whole by him (yes, this will be important shortly). The other guy with him is Bright Noa.

*So, Bright is rather (in)famous for slapping Amuro at least once during Gundam (maybe more?), so much that there's memes about it, and that, along with the fact that he's a captain, is probably one of the first things you'll hear about him. However, this is an excellent example of how memes decontextualize stories, and fun though they can be, can give you an extremely wrong impression. See, when I first heard 'Captain Bright Noa slaps Amuro for insubordination', it gave me a rather negative impression of him, since it sounded like a military officer flexing his rank against a kid who was drafted into battle (and understandably not okay with this). But if you actually *watch* 0079:

*It turns out Bright is only a few years older than Amuro, and is very much a teen himself who's only been in the military for half a year. Meaning the only way he's becoming a captain anytime soon is if he's the highest ranking officer who's not dead or incapacitated.

*In short, yes, Bright Noa using physical force against Amuro still isn't a good thing, but this is also very much the story of (essentially) someone who'd normally be a freshman at college being put in charge of a bunch of high-school-aged kids in a life-or-death situation and finding himself a bit in over his head, so I'm inclined to be a bit more sympathetic than I might otherwise.

*I really like this scene, even though I find it sad. Tem is very clearly talking to Bright here, but the camera notably focuses on Amuro, and it's pretty good foreshadowing if you didn't know Amuro was getting in the Gundam. With the passage of time, this scene has also taken on a layer of dramatic irony as well.

*I'm also not sure what to make of Tem from this scene. He seems friendly enough to Bright, and seems distressed about the idea of kids like his son fighting in wars, so he doesn't really come off as someone bad (except for the naive belief that you can build a weapon strong enough to end war, of course). While Amuro and Miorine seem to have a bit in common, I'm not sure yet how much that's true of Tem and Delling, aside from being military officers who want to protect their children, since Tem doesn't really seem like the sort of guy who'd authorize the UC equivalent of the Vanadis Incident. I'll have to mull this one over a bit more.

*It seems that unfortunately the White Base was followed by a Zeon ship, which was where the Zaku pilots were dispatched from, which segues into the audience meeting this guy:

*Char Aznable, whose very first lines instantly reminded me of this exchange between Belmeria Winston and Prospera Mercury:

*Char is is quite possibly the most (in)famous Gundam character, to the point that he's featured in commercials for cars and fast food (in Japan at least), and, of course, a number of memes. An examination of Gundam as a whole will reveal that many shows feature at least one mask-bearing antagonist or rival, who's typically manipulative and/or vengeful, and all of them can be traced back to Char. While I will be mentioning points of similarity between him and Prospera, I honestly feel like the connection between these two is by far the most obvious, and that it might be more worthwhile to discuss the ways in which they differ.

*Case in point. In addition to having unusual perspectives on luck (likely influenced by their high levels of confidence), Char and Prospera also have a good grasp of tactics, and are generally skilled at predicting opponents and choosing good moves to counteract them (though they are not always completely successful).

*Their attitude toward subordinates is also noteworthy. Prospera doesn't have a lot of interactions with her Shin Sei staff, but her calmly interrupting the one in the screenshots above (during the stress of the attack on Plant Quetta no less) is the rudest I've ever seen her act toward any of her them. In general, she seems to be a congenial boss who doesn't seem to get angry at her employees for disagreeing with her, a trait Char seems to share with how he treats his followers (so far anyway), and which is probably remarkable to me due to how often I see antagonists act like jerks to people loyal to them. Of course, both Char and Prospera are also known for manipulating people close to them, so how much this might be an act versus how much they genuinely care about others is ambiguous (and, admittedly, makes them interesting characters to observe).

*Char's mention of mobile suits shifts the scene back to the three Zeon pilots from the start, and one of them, Gene, decides that spying on the mobile suit project isn't enough, and opens fire.

*Amuro leaves the shelter to look for his father, and has his first encounter with a mobile suit.

*Anyone who's seen all of Witch from Mercury will already be aware that, leaving aside any armaments, the sheer size of a mobile suit is already incredibly dangerous to a human, as the Zaku simply taking a step knocks Amuro around a bit and prompts him to get in the buggy he and Fraw were in and drive.

*Amuro finds some soldiers and asks for help, but they meet a very abrupt end:

*You have absolutely seen shots like these before in anime, but I recently learned that they're typically referred to as postcard memories, a technique pioneered by Osamu Dezaki back in the early 70s, and since made ubiquitous. It's use is particularly interesting here for a couple reasons, the first being that MSG was made less than a decade after Dezaki started using this animation technique, meaning it would still feel relatively 'new' to audiences at the time. This shot also experiments by including some more traditionally animated objects in the scene, namely the transparent books and papers flying forward on the left side.

*The other reason, is that typically these were shots shown (at the time they were first used at least) to mark a transitional point, either narratively or in a character's arc, and while my knowledge of 70s anime is currently impoverished, I think Gundam may have been among the earliest to use this in such a tragically violent way (possibly beaten out by The Rose of Versailles since that also came out in '79, but I'm not familiar enough with that one to be sure). In any case, this a transitional shot, as it marks Amuro's first encounter with the horror and death caused by war, and the end of his childhood.

*This is a rather somber note to leave on, but at least next time we'll be finally seeing the eponymous Gundam, so hopefully that's somewhat comforting.

...to be continued in Part 3

#text #anime #mobile suit gundam #mobile suit gundam: the witch from mercury #hello kitty

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jujupepi · 1 year

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A Pre-History of Fanfiction I: Disclaimer, Introduction, Pamela, & Gulliver's Travels

Disclaimer:

This was originally written as a script for a video essay, so you might find reference to this medium. I am releasing this in this format mainly to get myself more comfortable with showing my writing publicly. I am not a trained scholar or journalist. I research this using the wealth of wonderful fanmade blog and wikis as well as scholarly articles available on JSTOR. If you noticed any mistakes or can offer more context to what I'm saying, please let me know! I love this topic and always want to learn more.

Introduction & Definitions

I’m not going to start this with “fanfiction has been around since the dawn of time; if you think about it the greek myths are fanfic!” because you’ve heard it before and it doesn’t really help us. Instead, I want to talk about operating (loosely) within a fanfiction definition that I came up with arbitrarily: Fanfiction is print based fiction inspired by the characters, settings, or situations derived from copyrightable work. Special bonus for fiction based on works owned by a national or international media corporation. So we’ll be mostly focused on the pre-1980’s era before the internet! Or atleast, before normal people used the internet on a regular basis.

That’s not to say any other definitions of fanfic aren’t valid; I’m just not using them for our purposes here. I’d also like to say that my scope is limited to fanworks created in the UK, USA, and Canada.

If you do any amount of sleuthing on the early days of fanfic you will come across a common origin myth: fanfiction was created by housewives who watched Star Trek and then wrote Kirk/Spock slash for fan magazine (nicknamed fanzines or zine). This isn’t untrue but it doesn’t tell you the whole story. We’ll try to track the beginning of modern fanfiction from the birth of copyright in the 18th century to the death of the fanzine in the 80s and 90s. We’ll talk about who was writing it, the tv shows and books that inspired it, the moral and legal paranoia surrounding it, and oh yeah, we’ll talk about The Gays™.

Chapter 1: Earliest Examples

Printing, mass literacy, and the rise of the middle class had a huge impact on the reading habits of 18th century Britons. The novel as a medium was born at the beginning of this century. The novel became hugely popular especially among the middle class.

The novel leaves no space between the mind of the character and the mind of the reader making the medium uniquely suited to explore the interiority of a character. Though characters brought to life in the theater, Shakespeare’s Falstaff for one, were beloved, the particularities of the novel allow the reader to inhabit the inner life of a character in ways that hadn’t been possible before.

Thus begins an obsession over fictional characters in a way that is familiar to internet-users today. One of the earliest characters that inspired this kind of devotion was Lemuel Gulliver from Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels published in 1976. If you’re unfamiliar, Gulliver’s Travels satirizes human nature while exploring a fantastical world of miniature people and other strange creatures. Not only did the audience get to experience Gulliver’s Travels through the narrator’s point of view, Swift himself implied an off-page life for Capt. Gulliver. He suggests other episodes in the Travels like “The Malingers” and the “Opinions of the Learned Men” which set fans’ minds ablaze with ideas. These inventive incidents created the ideal launching pad for other stories within this *ahem* shared universe.

The first people to get in on the fun were members of Jonathan Swift’s writing group known as the Scriblerians. Together in May 1727, they published Several Copies of Verses Explanatory and Commendatory, a series of dramatic monologues by characters from Travels or who else might be believably part of that world. One of these characters was the hilariously named Titty Tit Esq, poet laureate of Lilliput who I only bring up because his name gives me joy.

The most interesting of these poems, to me at least, is the lament of Gulliver’s wife Mary. She bemoans her husband’s absence and inadequacies. She implies that her husband might be more sexually suited for the stable boy than her. SLASH ALERT!

These verses are arguably fanfiction since they are stories about already established characters, settings, and situations not written by the original author but they are legitimized. Swift knew about these stories and they are included in most post-1727 versions of Gulliver’s Travels. Meaning that readers would have consumed these works together. The inclusions of these addendums muddle the canocity of what can be considered one of Gulliver’s Travels and what cannot. Contemporary picked up on this and went wild with the concept.

Non-Scriblerians wrote Gulliver stories, too. One such appeared in Apple’s Original Weekly Journal wherein the author writes from Gulliver’s perspective, hinting at unsee and as of yet unimagined adventures. These Gulliver stories didn’t have to agree with each other either, they all represented possibilities within a fictional universe. Fans voraciously wrote and read Gulliver’s continuing tales. David Brewer says that these stories are not exhaustive in their explorations of Gulliver’s worlds but instead, “a bundle of possibilities held together by the magnetic field of a proper name (40)”.

Another sensation in the 18th century was the novel Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded by Samuel Richardson published in 1740. The novel was a huge success especially with men who had an affection and a sexual interest for the eponymous character. Pamela deals with the common 18th century themes of shifting social strata and rapidly evolving marriage norms. Pamela is a 15 year old girl with impoverished parents who works as a servant in the house of the wealthy Mr. B. Mr. B sexually harasses and attempts to rape Pamela, eventually kidnapping her. She virtuously fights off these attempts all the while writing to her parents about the tension she feels between her propriety and her desire to please her employee. Due to Pamela’s moral strength, Mr. B is reformed and asks her to marry him, which she accepts, launching herself from the lower class to the upper. The second volume deals with her negotiating her new place in society.

I don’t need to tell you how messed up, creepy, and damaging the events in the novel are. It’s disgusting to me that the harassment of a working young girl is entertainment for so many adult men. BUUUUTTTT, it serves as an interesting case study in early fanfiction.

Like Twilight and Nightlight or Lord of the Rings and Bored of the Rings, Pamela inspired it’s own parody novel named An Apology for the Life of Mrs. Shamela Andrews or Shamela written by Henry Fielding in 1741. The novel imagines Pamela not as a docile servant girl but as a scheming daughter of a prostitute who entraps her employer. The novel was a success and Fielding went on to write Joseph Andrews in 1742, lampooning the idea of a male Pamela figure. Like in Stephanie Meyer’s Life and Death and endless fanfic, Joseph gives us our first taste of genderswap fiction. In an Anne Rice-ian move, Richardson rejected Fielding's works calling them “lewd and ungenerous engraftment of both Paemla and his Property (Brewer 121)”

The off-page lives of these characters don’t stop at Fielding's novel however. Samuel Richardson’s correspondence is full of asking fans for ideas on the proposed next Pamela column. Readers like Aaron Hill showed an ownership over character that echoes to this day. Hill wrote to Richardson that he shouldn’t make an illustrated edition of Pamela since Hill’s visual conception of the character and Richardson’s are different. Richardson describes Pamela as quite slim, but Hill thinks of her as ‘plump.’

Reader George Cheyne wrote a long list of incidents for the next edition mostly about medical emergencies. This is notable because Cheyne himself was a physician. These grown men projected so much of their own lives onto this fictional teenage girl. Pamela was ubiquitous because of “the collective mass of appropriations made by the individual reader (Brewer).” This meaning, fans could take Richardon’s Pamela and create her in their own image.

Pamela, both the novel and character, had a massive following but it all centered around Richardson. Though Richardson asked fans for ideas, he ignored their contributions entirely. Fan didn’t correspond with each other but instead with Richardson directly. This is a huge difference from fandom later on that largely ignores the creator.

I posit that it was the rise of the novel as a medium that allowed for fanfiction to emerge as a fan activity. The immediacy of the character’s interiority is not a function of any other artistic medium but the novel. This led to readers inhabiting the mind of their beloved characters and imaging an off-page life for them. These 18th century reading trends served as the starting point for modern fanfiction.

#fanfiction #history of fanfiction #pamela #gulliver's travels #samuel richardson #jonathan swift #article #my writing #non-fiction #novels #victorian novel

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thecreelhouse · 2 years

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No I totally get your feelings about the fandom because I feel the same. Idk after s3 everyone was like pretty chill and everything was good vibes. But after s4 idk maybe something about the way the season ended or simply because she show got even more popular, people are so aggressive with their theories or headcannons it's no fun. Especially when it comes to ships, first of all it seems like everyone has to be paired up with someone, regardless if it makes sense and if you don't ship Character A with Character B people will tell you you're wrong. Even the kids pairings are constantly discussed in ship wars I'm tired lol. I'm in the older part of the fandom (25+) and I see people my age or older be super invested in relationships that are between 14 year olds and it's kinda too much.

Also it could be a me problem because I simply don't ship the most popular pairings coming out from this season so I feel kinda left out because I just don't see it.

Overall I feel like the fandom is frustrated with how this season ended, especially because in the one month waiting period people came up with great theories so that the actual thing felt extremely underwhelming. (I'm talking about you, the 2 days later title card lol)

And me personally I'm a Steve girlie and the way the writers assassinated his character in the last episode (frankly throughout the entire season) kinda left me so disappointed, I don't even want to rewatch the earlier seasons. I know I'm being dramatic but we/I had three year time to come up with our own version of Steve and how his storyline could have played out, the real thing just felt like a punch to the gut. And I've seen the frustration on other Steve centric blogs which amplifies my own even more so there is this weird vibe going on rn lol.

Yeah exactly like ships should be fun and I don’t think there’s anything wrong necessarily with analyzing characters and discussing why they’d make good parings, or coming up with fun and cute headcanons, but when it becomes aggressive it’s absolutely not fun at all.

I’m sorry these weird ship wars are making you feel like you can’t be involved either, people should be allowed to enjoy their fave show without automatically having to ship their fave characters together or something. Ships aren’t the main priority!!!! And it’s weird to me how the people screaming about how Steve’s confession to Nancy is so far fetched are the ones pushing and shoving for everyone to be paired up, whether its canon or it could be or whatever. Maybe that’s just me.

Going off that, i totally do understand the disappointment based on the wack storyline Steve was given this season!!!! I personally don’t feel like it was so unrealistic— they’re all in a life or death situation, unsure if anyone will make it out alive, so ofc someone has to do a cheesy confession. Does that mean I’m for it? Nah. I was never a big fan of stancy to begin with, but again, this is all personal so I could be totally wrong! And i dont want to let the duffers off easy by being like, “they mentioned the time frozen in the upside down will play a part next season, and I personally think it’s got an influence on whatever the fuck Steve and Nancy were both feeling towards the end of vol. 2,” but….. yeah. And again, I totally don’t care for it personally. I think it’s silly, especially since last season they really gave him such a solid character growth of realizing you don’t NEED to be with someone, only to take it away with little to no explanation, but I do think there’s gonna be more to it. Of course, I could be eating my words come season 5! I could be wrong! Just what i think might happen is all but who knows.

So your frustration is so valid! Steve became a beloved character so fast and the emotional whiplash they throw him into every season is just……. Unnecessary. The general vibe most of the fandom has about this is so so so valid. It’s just weird to me how intense some folks are getting over it when to me it doesn’t seem like a major reach, but regardless, it was unnecessary for them to shove him down that path again. I adore Steve like the majority of the fandom, and I just want to see him be happy and healthy on his own and just embracing the love of the found family everyone’s come together to be. :(

As far as the ships with kids go— I’m a sucker for the sweet, cheesy moments where they show genuine care between one another, like Lucas constantly looking out for Max, especially this season. But would I go out of my way to worry about their ships, canon or not? Nah, not my thing. I’m turning 30 at the end of the year, so that shit doesn’t concern me, and would be a tad concerning imo if I was obsessed with those. Again, that could just be me, but I definitely don’t understand older fans getting like, knees deep in their ships and theories for the kids, especially when it can border inappropriate territory. Like….. y’all we got jopper this year….. can we finally obsess over that rather than be so concerned about fictional children lol.

Also the part you said about theories and said “I’m talking about you, the 2 days later title card lol”, forgive me for being airheaded but idk what that’s referring to, do you mind elaborating? Sorry if it’s something obvious and i just dont get it lol, a lot of shit goes over my head these days. I definitely feel you though on that, it got to the point where I was reading everyone’s theories on Reddit, super impressed and floored and hopeful over many of them, only to realize it…. Didn’t turn out as great as it could have been.

I’m easily amused, though, and while i definitely do not think this season was perfect, i still enjoyed majority of it, but I can so see and respect why some fans weren’t about it! And that’s ok!

I think it’s good to remember that debating (healthily) about show details, characters, etc. isn’t inherently a bad thing, but it’s gotten to the point in this fandom that everyone and their grandmother is on their high horse over shit that in the grand scheme of the show, shouldn’t matter that much to the original plot line. Or that’s how i see it, idk, but to each their own! I just wish the aggression would die down, it makes me not even want to write for Steve or anyone else for that matter, in fear of getting something wrong with a character and being crucified for it lmaooooo.

#sorry for the super long ramble i hope this makes sense anon #but yeah i totally feel you on these points so hard #thank u for writing this and sharing with me!!!#it’s also nice to know that I’m not irrational for feeling like it’s been so aggressive and intense lately lol #answered #long post

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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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the sun through the houses

sun in the 1st house: you irradiate confidence and self-assurance, as if you know exactly who the fuck you are and what you're here to do and people are very drawn to that kind of energy in you, to the way you're so full of life, spontaneous, ready to face anything that life throws at you and your ambitious nature. you thrive when you're uplifting others to feel as good as you do because you don't want to shine alone, and because on the inside, you might be much more insecure than people are aware of - you understand what it's like to be at rock bottom, but you're good at hiding this part of yourself. can be very controlling and competitive, and if you were raised in an environment where your parents used to fight a lot, you might chase conflict wherever you go. be careful with being arrogant and proud, and be aware that your strong energy might overwhelm a lot of people. whatever you do, you follow your heart. you need appreciation and recognition from others. you keep your cool in the most stressful situations.

sun in the 2nd house: you crave to achieve financial success; here, the planet of the ego is tied to the house that rules material possessions and our self-worth, so you want to achieve power by getting rich because that's how you feel safe. you're very talented when it comes to business and making good investments that'll allow you to get to the next step. when it comes to your ambitions, if you want something, you'll work hard for it and only stop when you get it. you're very witty, with your dry humor and sarcastic personalities, you truly have the best comebacks lmao and above all, you always keep your word. you take pleasure in everything lavish that life has to offer; you have great taste and know when something is of value almost instinctively. you need to make sure you're appreciating the people in your life instead of only what you own and your ambitions because you're at your best when you're expressing your kind and generous side. you might be into retail therapy when you feel sad or empty, but afterward, you might feel terrible because the fulfillment shopping gives you is only temporary. careful with being controlling or possessive.

sun in the 3rd house: you use your mind like a weapon. you truly have a way with words and you're able to express yourself in a way that leaves everyone wanting to know more about you; but most of all, you crave to keep on learning more and more and to expand your knowledge, because that's what feeds your soul. spontaneous personality; bold but unpredictable and you feel a sense of pride whenever you think about your friends, they're very important to you. you have the capability to bring stories to life, this placement is amazing for aspiring writers, and you like analyzing your surroundings which, in turn, makes you a very adaptable person. constant change in your way of thinking because you're always viewing things from different perspectives. you can become easily bored when you aren't feeling mentally stimulated, which is why you're always seeking new experiences, communicating with others and why you live so much in the present. persuasive. people who don't seek to expand their minds terrify you. you refuse to live in the shadows of your siblings, you have a need to stand as your own person.

sun in the 4th house: when the planet of the ego is in the house of our family life, our inner experiences and our childhood trauma, you are blessed with a rich inner experience that leads you to want to delve deep into what you went through and how those experiences shaped you into the person you are today – and that means the trauma you went through, too. if you had bad experiences in your child, your journey is longer and harder because you find it harder to understand life, and you might've compared your home life to the "outside world" a lot, feeling like they were two different entities (think sinclair from demian). you're very caring and nurturing and very attached to your family, either the one you were brought under or the one you want to establish. having a home that feels cozy and safe is what brings you security, and you want to bring happiness to the ones you love the most. be careful with being too pessimistic and feeling paranoid that something bad will suddenly happen, and also with being too controlling and domineering. you need a lot of reassurance, but be careful with coming off as if you don't trust your loved ones. very strategic, you play the long game.

sun in the 5th house: you literally irradiate artistic talent and creativity! you thrive when you express yourself and your originality and get recognized for it, and appreciation for your efforts is very important to you. intelligent, you can be very cunning and strategic, at the same time that your optimism and spontaneous nature naturally commands attention from others. very dramatic, you shine in the eyes of others. but although you have a happy aura to you, you can be very hard on yourself, thinking you're not good enough whenever you're not being appreciated. at your worst, you can have an exaggerated sense of pride, dominating energy, manipulative tendencies or feeling less than others. you may fluctuate between focusing a lot on yourself and being overly generous with everyone in your life. bold, you do a lot just to feel alive. you're very loyal and love deeply, passionate and nurturing, but be careful with involving yourself with people who take advantage of that. you should realize that appreciation should come from yourself and not others. if you add discipline to your originality, you can become very successful.

sun in the 6th house: one of your driving forces is your attachment to your work and your need to be of service for others and to be recognized for your efforts. health, dieting, exercise and keeping a structured routine are very important to you. you have a constant need to be perfect and that can be your own worst enemy, because when you or others aren't meeting your high standards, you might feel like you're weak and have your insecurities taking over you. you can't stand being told what to do. very self-aware. a tendency to be a workaholic because it's what makes you feel proud of yourself; you need to feel like you're making the world a better place. stress can easily physically affect you, you should understand that validation needs to come from yourself and not from others, and accept that having imperfections is human, it doesn't make you weak! careful with having a routine too restrictive that doesn't allow you to have fun, work can become an obsession for you. you truly always want more and need to keep busy and productive to feel safe. don't let your insecurities stop you from pursuing your ambitions.

sun in the 7th house: you have a very strong sense of justice because of your capability of analyzing a problem from all different perspectives. you need to bring peace everywhere you go and to help others in any way you can. you have a special charm that others feel drawn to, and many admire you for your caring nature and talent at giving advice, making you often the center of attention in the middle of groups. sociable and good with words, you're very persuasive; although you might tend to identify yourself too much with what others think of you – you should understand that others' opinions aren't that important and it's how you view yourself that matters. you crave affection and are very sensitive when it comes to your relationships, you would do anything for your loved ones and you're very in tune with their needs. you can have people-pleasing tendencies because you're terrified of rejection. you're determined to succeed and to build an amazing self-image because you have a gift when it comes to social intelligence. can have some open enemies.

sun in the 8th house: can attract a chaotic life that pushes you into achieving transformations because that's how you grow and evolve, through the process of death and rebirth. you can't deal with superficiality and you crave deep connections with people, intimacy and to evolve with the person you love. creative. you may feel like the universe sends you messages so that you'll reach an awareness of some kind. you love experiencing new things and especially with yourself, you constantly look forward to changing your appearance and your spiritual or emotional views on the world. you feel a need for self-improvement. very secretive, you value privacy more than anything and you don't allow almost anyone to figure you out. you might be terrified of not finding people who want to connect with you as deeply as you want with them. tendency to isolate yourself emotionally, as in you might open up to others about superficial matters but when it comes to emotions, you're terrified of showing that part of yourself. you want to help others through their darkest times.

sun in the 9th house: you love learning and dream of exploring the world, it's like you can absorb any information that you get your hands on. very idealistic and dreamy, it's hard for you to keep grounded on reality and material things when you're so concerned with the metaphysical, to understanding the secrets of the universe and all that is spiritual, philosophical, religious and transcendental. so enthusiastic and curious, it's like you can't stay still for a minute and long to go on adventures. you can see the best in people, but be careful with only seeing their good parts – you need to understand that nothing is black or white and people are morally grey and complex, not all bad nor all good. might be very pessimistic if you've gone through something traumatic that completely shattered your perceptions of the good in the world; you might feel like things are never going to get better (i promise they are). very proud of your knowledge. high ideals and honesty. loyal to your beliefs always. careful with being too authoritative.

sun in the 10th house: when the planet of the ego falls in the house of social status, you seek power above all. you want fame, notoriety and to lead, and when not achieving what you want, you might become insecure. you can't help that ambition runs in your blood, but you should make sure you're doing things because you love doing them and not just to get recognized. it's like you need to achieve so that you can feel proud of yourself because you never felt that kind of support when you were younger, and achieving success feels like a life or death matter to you. you ooze charisma and you naturally draw attention to yourself, wanting to be recognized for your talents. very aware of how others perceive you. but even if you're a great leader, you hate following orders which can make you have problems with those in charge – be careful with making enemies and with stepping on others to get what you want, it’s very important that you keep a strong sense of morals or else you can grow to be arrogant and tyrannical. at your worst you can start abusing your power; at your best, you can use it to better the lives of all those around you like a true leader.

sun in the 11th house: here, the planet of ego is in the house of friendships, hopes, inventions and the collective, making you shine when you're able to help others. your friends are the most important thing for you, but be careful with identifying too much with them. you carry yourself with so much confidence, you're so full of life and with a love for learning and giving to others. eccentric personality and big dreams. you want to stand for a cause that matters to you alongside others who you love. others gravitate towards your magnetism, individuality and friendly nature, naturally looking up to you as a leader. if you happen to have been betrayed in the past, you might shut yourself completely from friendships due to a fear of trusting the wrong person again, but please don't deny yourself your need to socialize and to express your revolutionary ideas to others because you truly shine when you're around those who you trust and help you grow.

sun in the 12th house: you might have a very hard time understanding who you are and your identity, and because of this sense of unclarity about yourself + your intuitive and empathetic nature where you absorb others' energies like a sponge and need a lot of solitude to recharge yourself, you might feel like you need to keep a mask in public, to play a character to feel safe interacting with others. plus, it doesn't help that you have perfectionist tendencies and hate failing and making mistakes. there's a tendency to feel very insecure and misunderstood, and to feel melancholic and with turbulent emotions, so you should be gentler with yourself and allow yourself to express your sensitivities, the way you're so compassionate and giving. because even if you need time to recharge for introspection, you shine when you can help others. be careful with developing self-destructive behaviors. artistic tendencies because of the depth of your emotions and inner world. you can be truly wise and others might see you as an "old soul" because of that. you might be a night owl. psychic potential.

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testudoaubrei-blog · 3 years

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Well, it’s not quite a master’s thesis, but this is (the first of) a series of posts on why Catra and Adora are the best love story in the history of kids TV animation and maybe the greatest love story in the history of TV. This may in some ways be faint praise - romance on TV is generally not very good compared with books or movies. Often it’s just some will they/won’t they sexual tension that is defused by getting characters together and re-heightened by breaking them up. TV is full of nearly shark jumping pointless dramas like Sam and Diane (Cheers, holy fuck am I dating myself, though that was technically before my time), Ross and Rachel (Friends, which was no Cheers) etc, but also some less annoying couples like Ben and Leslie (Parks and Rec) or Amy and Jake (Bk99) who are mostly just kind of cute and fun. Other shows, like the X-Files, teased viewers for years with unresolved sexual tension. In kids shows most romances are, appropriate for their target viewers, mild, sweet relationships based more on self-conscious flirting and blushing than on complex and conflicted feelings or deep passions - which is pretty realistic when the characters are young teens or even mid-teens. Some of these relationships are really well done - Finn and Flame Princess, Dipper and Pacifica (yeah I ship them), the early stages of Katara and Aang (before the showrunners imbued this childhood crush with cosmic significance), Steven and Connie, etc. Catra and Adora, though, are different. Their love story is not a side plot or a sub plot, it’s the heart of the show. It isn’t a childhood crush, it’s a very messy and passionate relationship between two young adults. She-Ra is an emotionally complex lesbian romance just as much as it is a thrilling action/adventure show. Everything about their relationship is baked into the show’s plot, its themes, hell even its musical score. The dramatic tension between Catra and Adora is not the result of stretching out a flirtation for ratings, but a coherent dramatic arc that runs through the entire show. As Noelle said, he made Catradora so central that execs couldn’t take it out without ruining the show. And the show is better for it. In this series of posts I’m going to try to show why, as well as showing why She-Ra is such a fantastic love story.

First off, let’s talk about how Catra and Adora’s character arcs are foils for each other, and how they come together and apart through the series. This is actually a post that I’ve been working on for a while but I keep summarizing the show rather than cutting to the chase, so I’m not going to recite many plot points so much as sketch out what’s going on with the dramatic structure at the time. But also, let’s talk about what each character’s arc is saying, and how they are commenting on each other. Spoiler alert: Catra’s arc is a subversion and critique of stories of empowerment through ruthless self-assertion and revenge, while Adora’s arc is a subversion and critique of chosen one narratives and stories of self-denial and self-transcendence.

When the show starts, Adora and Catra are shown as rivals and friends - their first scene starts the recurring motif of them reaching out for each other as one of them dangles above an abyss, as well as establishing their flirtatious banter and easy camaraderie. We quickly learn that these two young women plan to conquer the world together. These scenes and later flashbacks show Catra and Adora as deeply enmeshed in each others lives, to the point where neither of them (but especially Catra) have clear identities outside of one another. There is so much genuine love on both sides before Adora leaves, but also resentment, envy and fear, especially on Catra’s side, as well as a protectiveness on Adora’s side that deprives Catra of her autonomy. They are both being abused by Shadow Weaver - Catra physically and emotionally, Adora emotionally. It wouldn’t be too much to say that Shadow Weaver holds Catra hostage to control Adora (this is why critiques that Adora abandoned Catra to be abused are actually kind of messed up, since they accept Shadow Weaver’s premise that Adora is responsible for what Shadow Weaver does to Catra). In addition, Catra and Adora actually see the world incredibly differently. Adora already sees the world in terms of right, wrong and her destiny to right wrongs - this is why it’s important for her to accept the Horde’s obvious lies - she couldn’t keep living if she didn’t. Catra, on the other hand, sees the world solely in terms of survival and personal loyalty - everything for her is about preserving herself and the person she cares about - Adora.

Then, when Adora finds the sword, she leaves because it’s the right thing to do. Catra doesn’t even have a concept of ‘the right thing to do’ being something she should care about, or perhaps, something she can care about as an irredeemably evil, awful fuck-up. So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part. This is the first turning point in their relationship. Adora chooses duty over what she desires, Catra chooses to protect herself (such as she sees it) and nurse her sense of betrayal and abandonment.

Their relationship until Promise is a kind of weird Frenemy thing that is fascinating to watch and sold me on the show. Neither one wants to fully admit to themselves that the other is now their enemy, neither one has given up on changing the other’s mind. Each is furious at the other, and desperate to see her again at the same time. There’s a lot of heartache and just as much sexual tension, especially at Princess Prom. Both of them come alive when they fight each other (more about that in a later post). But they’re already growing apart - Adora embracing her destiny as She-Ra, Catra rising in the ranks for the Horde. Adora now has the purpose she always wanted, plus other friends and a sense of being chosen to do something great, while Catra now has power - the means to protect herself from people like Shadow Weaver as well as the vindication she had always been denied, and even the opportunity to beat Shadow Weaver at her own game.

The next turning point is Promise. Holy fuck, this episode. It’s an episode that is even more heartbreaking after you’ve watched the show because you know just how much worse things are going to get, and yet, it’s a necessary part of both of their character arcs. Even through season 1 Catra and Adora had remained very much enmeshed in each others lives in an increasingly fucked up way as they grew apart but refused to turn away from each other. Even though they aren’t -exactly- a romantic couple (Adora doesn’t recognize and acknowledge her feelings until the last episode of Season 5), Season 1 of She-Ra is one of the worst breakups I have seen on TV. As I said in a couple of previous posts, this is the kind of shit that the Mountain Goats write songs about. Everything that was poisoning their love for each other even before episode 1 bubbles to the surface and combines with them fighting on opposite sides of the war to make a truly fucked up situation. In the end, it’s Catra that makes the choice to turn away from Adora. This isn’t a -good- decision. It’s spiteful, and destructive, and based on an outright deluded understanding of their relationship (inspired by Light Hope’s manipulations and her own issues), but it’s in some ways a necessary decision. Catra has been so wrapped up in Adora for so long that she isn’t going to be able to figure out who -she- is without cutting Adora out of her life. And the same is true of Adora.

But each of them do this in about the worst way possible. Catra embraces destruction, ambition, manipulation and outright cruelty, turning the tactics of her abusers against them and against everyone around her. She first triumphs over Shadow Weaver and manipulates Entrapta into trying to corrupt Etheria itself. Meanwhile Adora ‘lets go’ and commits herself to the self-denying mantle of She-Ra. Over the next several seasons, their respective paths will nearly lead both Catra and Adora to their deaths (in the Season 4 finale).

For the next season (counting season 2 and 3 as one) Catra and Adora are still closely linked, but as enemies. Still, there’s more than enough flirtation between them (that ‘Hey Catra’ in the first episode of Season 2 is something else), and especially on Adora’s side we see her hold back with Catra, and often take responsibility for the harm Catra inflicts, just like she had when they were kids. Yet they still drift apart - after facing off every other episode in Season 1, they spend less and less time on screen together through season 2 and 3. Catra continues her ascent to power and descent into villainy while Adora becomes more of a stressed out mess as she takes the fate of the world and the wellbeing of everyone she cares about on her admittedly broad shoulders. Catra’s one moment of vulnerability is rewarded by Shadow Weaver’s betrayal and her exile, then Catra triumphs in ruthless badass fashion through sheer desperation and aggression. In the Crimson Wastes, we see Catra at her most independent, and she almost seems happy. But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

This changes everything. Catra completely breaks with reality and tries to kill Adora, herself and the world rather than lose to Adora and Shadow Weaver (I do think it’s important to remember that she does that after Shadow Weaver nearly kills her). Catra betrays everyone around her when she exiles Entrapta, threatens Scopria and lies to Hordak. Then she flips the switch. When Adora tries to fix things, Catra fights to her own death to make sure that the world disintegrates with her. For her part, Adora fights first to understand what is wrong with the world and then to fix it. Finally she tells Catra that destroying the world is her choice and she has to live with it, decks her, and then sees her off with a death glare once the portal is closed. With this, Adora writes Catra off even if, as she says later, she never never hated her. By doing that, Adora casts off the guilt that had dogged her and takes responsibility for her own life rather than someone else’s - this is actually a huge step for her, and one that will become more important in Season 4.

Season 4 is in many ways the nadir of their relationship. They only see each other once during the entire season, in Fluterrina, when Adora tries to blast Catra, much to the latter’s shock. There’s a sense in that scene that Catra is trying to have the same flirtatious enmity she used to have with Adora, and Adora is having none of it. Catra almost seems hurt by this, which is an early hint at how isolated Catra is beginning to feel. Catra spends the rest of the season at her highest and lowest. On the one hand she spends most of 12 episodes winning by every standard she has ever claimed to care about, besting Hordak himself in single combat and making herself co-ruler of the Horde and coming within a day’s march of ending the Rebellion. In many ways it is the ultimate empowerment fantasy - the abused young woman has defeated her abusers, showed up everyone who doubted her and forced everyone to respect her. But I think it’s striking that the show starts with her and Adora dreaming of conquering the world together and in Season 4 Catra nearly succeeds in conquering it alone, almost like she was trying to live out her old shared fantasy while proving she didn’t need her former best friend.

At the same time, Catra is clearly miserable. She’s always been unhappy, but in Season 4 we see her completely isolated and lying to herself and everyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to justify her actions. Turning the tactics of Hordak and Shadow Weaver against them to gain power and then against Scorpia and Entrapta to maintain it haven’t vindicated Catra, they’ve made her more and more alone as Entrapta is exiled and Scorpia drifts away. Meanwhile Catra reaches out to Double Trouble, and her interactions with them reek of a kind of desperate desire to have someone in her life (the feeling of their interaction is of an unhealthy casual relationship where one partner becomes emotionally invested and the other takes advantage of that while denying the other the closeness they desire). As people leave her, one after the other, it becomes clearer and clearer that Catra doesn’t want power at all - she wants connection, friendship, love, and power is a very poor replacement. As I said in my long Catra rant, Season 4 is both her ‘Walter White as a Catgirl’ season and the beginning of her redemption. Everything comes to head when Sparkles destroys everything Catra has tried to achieve, Double Trouble delivers those harsh truths and Horde Prime shows up and makes it all irrelevant, just highlighting how futile all her struggles and sacrifices and crimes have been.

Meanwhile Adora spends Season 4 becoming her own her and her own woman. After telling off Catra, she grows more and more disillusioned with Light Hope and critical of Glimmer (though the latter has more than a shade of her old habit of taking responsibility for others - Adora’s development is not linear). She’s gained the courage and confidence to strike out her own path, not just follow a destiny. At the season’s end she once again breaks with her best friend to do what is right, and discards the destiny that she was being prepared for. But in this case she isn’t chasing one packaged destiny for another, instead she’s making her own choice and literally shattering the thing that she thought gave her life purpose. It’s badass, and heartbreaking, and along with decking Catra and jumping after Catra into the abyss (see below) it’s the perfect Adora moment.

In many ways Season 5 starts with Catra and Adora farther apart than they have ever been. They aren’t even enemies anymore, they’re completely out of each other’s lives. And both Catra and Adora are lost at the beginning of Season 5 - Catra is useless and alone on Prime’s ship, completely defeated despite ostensibly being on the winning side, and she goes through the motions of her normal plotting without any particular conviction and none of her normal flair. Meanwhile Adora is even more miserable and self-destructive than usual, throwing herself at Horde Bots and working herself until she drops of exhaustion. In a very real way they both stay lost until they have a chance to help the other. Catra takes responsibility for what she’s done and what she can do, saves Glimmer (at least partly for Adora’s sake), apologizes to Adora, and sacrifices herself. Adora only seems to come alive when she decides to turn around, face Prime, and save the cat. And when she does, Catra and Adora’s arcs, which had separated so completely in season 4, come crashing back together to end the series.

Adora during Save the Cat is such a contrast with the uncertain, hesitant and self-destructive wreck we’ve seen so far in Season 5. This is possibly her craziest plan in 3 years of mostly cazy plans, but she never wavers or questions herself. Even when Chipped Catra appears and we see Adora’s heart break while we watch, Adora doesn’t back down or relent. She keeps at it even as the tears stream down her face. She fights better trying to save Catra without She-Ra’s powers than she fought at the Battle of Bright Moon with them. Catra’s just about as desperate - we see her cry and plead, and now is probably as good a time to any to point out how amazing a job both VAs did throughout the show, but especially in this episode, and how good a job the board artists did.

Seeing each other for the first time in a year, and only the second time since Catra blew everything up, Catra and Adora are probably the rawest and least restrained we’ve ever seen them. There’s barely any banter, no bravado, and no pretense that they are anything other than two women who desperately need each other (Prime doesn’t help with ‘You broke my heart’.) Then Catra is flung to her death, Adora jumps after her, breaks both her legs in the fall (we see her crawl to Catra, as though she couldn’t walk) and becomes the real She-Ra. It’s such a triumphant and deeply queer moment seeing a woman transformed into a warrior goddess to protect the woman she loves, and it’s the reason that, as dark as it is, Save the Cat is my Comfort Food episode.

Let’s not sleep on Taking Control, though. This episode is like a microcosm of what this show does best, especially the A plot with Catra and Adora. Catra’s reversion to lashing out at everyone and her refusal to be open to Adora shows just how much of a struggle this whole ‘being good and trying to connect to people’ thing is. Catra’s outburst gives Adora a chance to stand up for herself and refuse to be Catra’s punching bag, while also not trying to control her. Adora’s ultimatum gives Catra a chance to reach out to Adora (quite literally), and allow herself to be vulnerable. In this episode, we see just how far Catra and Adora have come since the messed up stew of their relationship in Season 1. Adora lets Catra be responsible for her own actions; Catra lets herself be vulnerable to Adora and takes responsibility for her actions. They’re both better people and better friends and better partners than they were, and the show has shown this in a strikingly nuanced and realistic way.

The important thing to note in the next few episodes of Season 5 isn’t just how much closer Catra and Adora get to each other and how much they flirt (So much. So much, y’all) but just how -happy- they are. We see both of them transformed in the other’s presence. Basically, since they’ve parted, both Catra and Adora have been defined in no small part by how miserable they often are. They have both had their triumphs and their lighter moments, but there’s been a sense of melancholy dogging both Catra and Adora since episode 1. And now that they’re together again, that lifts, somewhat. Catra’s verbal barbs have lost their venom, and she can openly show how much she cares for Adora and even Bow and Glimmer. She’s still herself - snarky, cynical, somewhat devious - but she’s not engaged in a self-destructive zero-sum struggle with everyone around her. Meanwhile Adora has spent 4 seasons being a neurotic and sometimes nearly joyless mess who takes responsibility for everything and often doesn’t let herself enjoy anything other than the odd BFS group hug (exceptions include trying to uh...impress Huntara and reveling with the butterfly ladies of Elberron in Flutterina). Around Catra, though, she’s a cocky, swaggering jock who gives as good as she gets. It’s a side of Adora we’ve only seen hints of before, and one that’s so much more confident and joyful even as the world is ending around her. Apart, Catra had tried to protect and vindicate herself with power and conquest, while Adora had tried to forget herself in duty and sacrifice. Together, they can be themselves again. This dynamic is crucial to the show’s portrayal of Catra and Adora’s romance because it doesn’t just show how much they love each other, but how they’re -good- for each other now that they’ve grown as people, and that they are so much better than they were when they were apart.

Until Shadow Weaver shows up. Their old abuser reintroduces tensions but even then things are different than they were. Now Catra isn’t just resentful of how Shadow Weaver prefers Adora - she’s protective of Adora, which is clearest in Failsafe when she calls Shadow Weaver out for being willing to sacrifice Adora. And while Adora takes the Failsafe, it isn’t to follow her destiny or because she has a death wish - it’s because she loves her friends, and she is the only one who has any hope of doing this and living (though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one). And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra. Before Catra leaves, she asks Adora ‘What do you want?” It’s a question that echoes Shadow Weaver’s speech in Episode 1: ‘isn’t this what you always wanted since you could want anything?’ As much as Adora has grown as a person, and defined herself and stood up for what she thinks is right, she still has never answered that question - it’s never been ‘what do I want’ but ‘what do I have to do?’ and that’s how Adora answers Catra’s question. This is Adora’s last gasp as a self-transcending hero, letting go of what she wants (not that she ever dared articulate what that was) in order to do what must be done. And it nearly kills her and dooms the universe, because Adora can’t be the hero that she needs to be by being anyone less than herself.

But it’s losing Catra that inspires Adora to tell off Shadow Weaver for good (not that she’d ever really warmed to her after season 1). And it’s love for Adora that inspires Catra to stand up to Shadow Weaver and demand that she do the right thing. In both cases, Catra and Adora aren’t just standing up to their abuser, but holding her to account for the harm she’s caused, and it’s the love that they have for each other that inspires them to do this. In Catra’s case in particular her refusal to let Shadow Weaver weasel out of finding Adora is a much greater triumph over Shadow Weaver than beating her up and breaking her mask in Season 1 - it’s proof not so much to Shadow Weaver but to Catra herself that Catra really is better than this and that she deserves better than this. It’s not turning her abuser’s tactics against her, but truly holding her to a moral standard and demanding that she do the right thing.

And then there’s Catra and Adora together at the heart. Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her). And Adora, who’s been avoiding answering the question for three fucking years, finally let’s herself want Catra when Catra finally confesses her love (breaking the last of her self-protective shields) and asks Adora to stay -for her-. And by admitting what she wants, Adora can truly be at peace with herself and be the hero she needs to be, lesbianism saves the universe, The End.

So anyway, that’s how Catra and Adora’s stories are woven together and how they compliment and comment on each other. Narrativiely, Adora and Catra start together, come apart, find something of themselves, and truly find themselves and each other when they are reunited. Thematically, they are critiquing seemingly opposing narrative tropes - empowerment narratives and narratives of self sacrifice. But by showing the flaws in both types of story and showing how neither self-seeking empowerment nor self-negating self sacrifice can actually make us happy, She-Ra asks and answers more profound questions than most prestige dramas for adults do. I’ll get into how the show sells the idea that the power of love can bring us happiness (and save the world) in a future post. But next up, I’m going to celebrate just how much Catra and Adora’s relationship revels in ambiguity, complexity and contradiction and so tells a grown up love story in a kid’s show.

#she ra #she ra spoilers #she ra adora #spop #catradora #she ra netflix #she ra and the princesses of power #goat ship #long #meta

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harrowharkboygf · 3 years

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rating the locked tomb characters by how good their met gala outfits would be

gideon nav

we can surmise from the “rapier with skulls puking other skulls” quote that gideon’s personal style, if she wasn’t beholden to the ninth house dress code, would be Loud and Tacky and A Lot. therefore, i think she’ll go all out with the theme. her outfit might not look objectively good per se — it will probably be a little too excessive and not super classy — but she will absolutely fulfill the theme and she will have fun, and that’s the most important part! 9/10

harrowhark nonagesimus

oh harrow will go all in on this. she will definitely be of the opinion that all guests should have to submit an essay explaining exactly how their outfit fits the theme, and she absolutely will get annoyed at the people who just wore simple black tuxes and dresses. she‘ll start planning her outfit months in advance, and it’s going to be incredibly complicated and very symbolic. her outfit is probably be a lot creepier and more goth than the rest of the guests, but it’ll still go perfectly with the theme anyways. 10/10

ortus nigenad

how much effort ortus puts into his outfit will depend SOLELY on what the theme was. if he thinks it’s a stupid theme he’ll put in zero energy whatsoever, and if he thinks it’s a good theme he will put in the work and come out with an outfit that’s definitely creative, even if it doesn’t look super great and is a little bit of a stretch on the theme. 7/10

judith deuteros

judith definitely does not care. she does not care at all, and if you asked her what the theme was, she couldn’t even tell you. she wears a simple black tux or black dress every year, and yes she looks hot as fuck and very classy and all of the gay girls on twitter go wild over it, but it’s not particularly creative or befitting of the theme. 3/10

marta dyas

marta cares a lot more than judith does, but she still focuses more on the event itself than the outfit; she’s more excited to dance, talk with her friends and acquaintances, and see other people’s outfits. if the met gala didn’t have a theme, she’d still be happy, but since it does, she’ll try to fit the theme as best she can! she refuses to sacrifice her own comfort or ability to dance in favor of an outfit though, which is very fair of her. no matter what, though, she looks good! 6/10

coronabeth tridentarius

oh you KNOW corona is acing this. she starts planning for her outfit a year in advance, but unlike harrow, she’s way less pretentious about it and willing to do something that might make fun of herself a little or make others laugh. she makes sure to call everyone she knows who’s going to make sure that their outfits won’t be too similar. she also makes sure that ianthe and babs’ outfits go good with hers. it’s the bane of her existence that judith won’t go to the lengths that she does. she fits the theme perfectly, she’s creative about it, and she looks hot as fuck. 100/10

ianthe tridentarius

as mentioned above, ianthe’s outfit is always designed to fit with coronabeth’s. it’s always very similar — not quite the same, but very close. same idea, slightly different execution. it’s always fitting with the theme, and looks really good objectively, but there’s a lack of investment and heart that ruins it a bit, especially next to corona’s extravaganza. still, when she’s next to the other guests, she definitely wins. 8/10

naberius tern

babs cares WAY more about looking good than he does about fitting the theme. his outfit is always a lot less creative than and themed than ianthe’s and corona’s. he never sidesteps the theme entirely, but he often refuses to go all the way in favor of not looking too weird. this is kind of a moot point, since he always looks a little weird anyway. 5.5/10

isaac tettares & jeannemary chatur

the awful teens were coordinating outfits each year, and each year they desperately want to fit the theme and do something cool, but they’re a little TOO eager about it. there’s always either a little bit too much going on with their outfits for the message to be fully cohesive, OR they didn’t go all the way because they were too embarrassed to do so. however, they definitely try their best and that’s what matters! 7.5/10

abigail pent & magnus quinn

abigail and magnus treat the met gala like a halloween party. they’re committed to the theme, but not in the militant, obsessive way that harrow and coronabeth are — it’s more that they have fun planning their coordinating outfits because costumes are fun! often their take on the theme is very nerdy and sweet, but maybe not super well done. still, they compliment everyone on their outfits and are so genuine about it that they get points anyway. 7/10

palamedes sextus

pal could honestly care less about the met gala, but he attends anyway and spends the whole night deep in conversation with anyone who will talk science with him. as such, his outfit is. Very Lacking. cam usually designs it for him and it fits the theme pretty well and looks objectively good, but he gets points off for not coming up with it himself. 5/10

camilla hect

pal and cam don’t wear coordinated outfits, but they are still somewhat cohesive, as cam plans them both. camilla’s outfit is definitely much better than palamedes’ is — it fits the theme and is more creative and she just generally looks hotter. however, she’s not putting the same level of energy most of the people listed above. but it’s fun, it looks good, and she passes the test. 7/10

dulcinea septimus

dulcie’s attitude towards the met gala would be very similar to magnus and abigail’s in that she treats it like a fun opportunity rather than a life-or-death situation, but she definitely leans more “tasteful” over magnus and abigail’s typical style of “dorky”. she follows the theme closely and she looks good! 8/10

protesilaus ebdoma

pro always goes with dulcie, and he just dresses in an outfit that she’s planned to be coordinated with hers. he’s a little bemused at the intensity of some of the others, but he goes along with the whole thing because it makes dulcie happy. points off for not coming up with his own idea, points added for looking very dashing regardless. ortus is fuming at how well-put-together his outfit is. 5/10

silas octakiseron

silas shares the same all-or-nothing attitude that ortus has towards the theme, but when he approves of the theme, his execution comes very close to beating out harrow’s outfit in terms of Drama and Sophistication. his outfits are often a little impractical — they’re hard to walk in or require elaborate props to be transported alongside him — but they’re worth it. 9/10

colum asht

colum just wears a suit the same color as whatever silas’ outfit is that year. boring! 2/10

augustine the first

augustine tries his hardest, but he never quite nails the theme. somehow, it always goes straight over his head, so when he explains it to people, they’re always like “*confused head tilt* hmmm, okay now i think i get it! huh!” he looks,,, fine in it, and he tries. he tries! 4/10

mercymorn the first

mercy’s sense of style in general is very good, so she always comes in a dress that’s fashionable and well-designed. the problem is that she actively abhors the idea of a themed party; she actively campaigns to the organizers each year to not do a theme. she thinks that everyone who does the theme is ridiculous. as such, she ends up with a low 3/10

cytherea the first

cytherea has a good Idea for the met gala every year, but for some reason — she bites off more than she can chew or she fails to accurately articulate her vision or she procrastinates until the last minute — that idea never translates into an actual outfit, so she always falls back on a simple, soft clinging dress. fashionable, but unfortunately not very standout-ish. 3.5/10

gideon the first

gideon (original flavor) just wears a boring black suit every year. THE most boring black suit ever. 1/10

pyrrha dve

okay, admittedly we haven’t seen that much of pyrrha in canon, but from what we do know, she is smart and talented and funny and good at everything and has a dramatic streak and is incredibly hot. therefore, i think we can surmise that she’ll absolutely nail her met gala outfit. it’ll fit the theme, it’ll be very original and very well-done, and she’ll be sexy as fuck! good for her! 15/10

john gaius

he wears the exact same black tux every year. the same one. he pays no attention to the theme whatsoever. this is very confusing, since HE is the one who organizes the met gala and picks the theme! weirdo! even worse, john makes a point to give backhanded compliments to people he thinks don’t fit the theme or don’t look good. bitch! -10/10

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rpbetter · 3 years

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PTSD or C-PTSD?

Hopefully, you’re not one of the muns out there who has slapped a “PTSD” label on your muse(s) for drama only. You are, instead, treating this topic with respect and the realism that comes with that, not only having it accurately impact your muse when it’s convenient and “fun” for you. Well, that respect and realism includes actually knowing and applying the correct diagnosis and symptoms as well.

In your defense, if you have misdiagnosed your muse, common terminology in media and even among trauma sufferers is often just the blanket-statement of PTSD. Also, as the abbreviations imply, they do have things in common.

To help, I’m going to break down their differences and similarities, then provide some research links including personal accounts to help you get started.

PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder most often comes from a single traumatic event.

What can be a traumatic event can differ widely, and reasonably so; we’re not all the same person, processing events and emotions the same way, or with the same formative life experiences. What might cause PTSD to develop in one person might be processed by another as a frightening or painful incident, but not one that has left them with PTSD. The symptoms, individual, and incident have to all be taken into account.

That being said, some examples would include:

having a severe accident

being mugged or in a store that is robbed

physical or sexual assault

being involved in a shooting, in any way

death of a loved one

an unexpected explosion or sudden, natural event like a mudslide or tornado

a severe natural or man-made disaster (building collapse, mass flooding)

events outside of oneself like witnessing a violent assault, murder, deadly car accidents, terminal illness or injury

Again, it is important to remember that individuals react in individual ways, and as such, their symptoms can express with some variation. Don’t just mimic the same presentations you’ve seen in media, research a variety of real experiences.

However they manifest, key symptoms of PTSD include:

Re experiencing the event by way of nightmares, flashbacks, and repetitive, intrusive, and intensely upsetting images, thoughts, and sensations. This is the most common symptom of PTSD, in which the person involuntarily and vividly relives the trauma.

Avoidance and emotional numbing, going to extremes to avoid not just potential triggers, but also finding any way possible to push memories of the event out of their minds. When the latter occurs and is extreme, the person is trying to feel nothing at all, seeking a path to emotional numbness. That can include substance use and abuse, self-harming, and other harmful behaviors.

Feeling on edge (”Hyperarousal”) is the ultimate inability to relax, constantly looking for threats, perceiving threats that are not to be found, and being easily startled. Some of the common issues with being locked into this state include difficulty sleeping or even insomnia, severe irritability and irrational seeming aggression, angry or aggressive outbursts, and finding concentration difficult to impossible.

Some other things that might develop with PTSD are:

Other mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, and/or phobias

as said above, harmful behaviors like self-harming and substance abuse

physical symptoms like headaches, stomach and digestive upsets, dizziness, and generalized pain

Like all disorders, PTSD is complex. I, again, implore you to research not only information put out by psychiatric professionals but also the experiences of real people.

C-PTSD

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when a person experiences repeated, consistent trauma, especially at an early age.

That doesn’t mean that adults cannot and do not develop C-PTSD, they do, and for a variety of reasons; adult sufferers have the same points of origin in the diagnosis as children do. Additionally, it may take years for someone to seek help, feel their symptoms are severe enough to need to, or be able to extricate themselves from the situation in order to receive help of any kind. They may be an adult by the time this happens.

The important thing to remember about C-PTSD is that it isn’t a single traumatic incident, and you are more likely to have this form of PTSD if the trauma occurred early in life, it was inflicted by someone close to you, and/or was inflicted by someone you still see on a regular basis.

Some good examples to give you the idea include:

ongoing domestic violence

child abuse and/or neglect

being raised by a parent with a severe disorder like Narcissistic Personality Disorder

repeatedly witnessing violence or abuse

torture

kidnapping

being a part of a cult

being a victim of human trafficking or slavery

It isn’t “complex” because it is always across the board “more severe.” This isn’t simply “even worse PTSD,” and shouldn’t be treated like that. Its source is more complex, the development and embedded varieties of its impact are, and the ongoing treatment is.

Particularly when C-PTSD occurs in childhood, there are lasting effects on a person’s development. They have developed in an environment that constantly has them highly stressed both physically and psychologically, and in which they learn many ways of coping, lessening or negating harm, and so on, that leave them less than optimally functional and integrated in life outside the situation.

While the person has the symptoms of PTSD, they will additionally exhibit:

difficulty developing and/or maintaining relationships of any sort

intense, consistent feelings of worthlessness, shame, and guilt

problems managing and even understanding their own emotions

suicidal thoughts

dissociation

increased risk-taking behaviors

Those who have had their actual development rerouted to deal with the situations that generate C-PTSD have a higher incidence of physical symptoms, suicide, self-harm, substance abuse, and are at higher risk of repeat victimization.

They might go for some time without realizing that their daily experiences are neither the norm nor something sustainable, or how atypical their traumatic experiences were compared to those around them. It can sometimes take a serious life-event (suicide attempt, drug rehab, losing too many jobs, homelessness, or finding themselves in a genuine, loving relationship) for them to fully recognize something is wrong, and even then, their feelings of worthlessness, ingrained lack of self-confidence, and belief that they don’t deserve any better can prevent them from seeking help outside of themselves.

They may also believe that something is just “wrong” with them, that they are innately messed up, or that they have a different mental illness. And the unwillingness to open up to people, relieve events, etc. can additionally leave them unwilling to seek or continue care when they believe they have a different, underlying problem. Again, choosing to deal with this themselves through self-isolating, self-medicating, and seeking only relationships and jobs that will work within the framework of the disorder as it effects them.

Additionally, many sufferers of both C-PTSD and PTSD experience the same sense of societal shaming surrounding mental illness. They may struggle with denial, and refuse to seek assistance due to the stigma and all it entails.

Shared aspects of PTSD and C-PTSD

They’re both, obviously, severe, life-altering trauma experiences and resultant disorders. They both easily make the sufferer feel like the trauma and disorder is impossible or undesirable for others to deal with, that they are not worthy of being in close relationships, among many other similarities in experience living with either disorder regardless of widely varying traumas.

They share psychological and physical impacts, and there is a lot of overlap.

The core symptoms of PTSD are shared with C-PTSD:

relieving the trauma(s)

avoiding and emotional numbing

hyperarousal

The shared physical symptoms can include:

headaches

nausea, stomach ache, and digestive upsets

difficulty sleeping and insomnia

sweating, clamminess

chest pain and difficulty breathing

manifestations of low-grade to severe pain

dizziness

Shared behaviors can include:

difficulty concentrating to outright dissociating

self-harm

substance abuse

being hyper-vigilant, easily startled

may seem to be over-reactive to/in situations that others are perceiving as normal or not that big of a deal due to lower perception of personal emotions and lower emotional regulation

including explosive anger or defensiveness

development of anxiety and depression disorders, the symptoms thereof

Again, both PTSD and C-PTSD are serious disorders caused by trauma, and they both need to be treated with respect and accuracy when written into a character - be that an OC or a canon character. It is unfortunate, but these symptoms and the realities of life with either disorder are often portrayed badly in wider media, and the RPC often imitates what it sees.

PTSD and C-PTSD, like the incidents of trauma that created them (rape, child abuse, domestic violence, miscarriage, etc.), are not a plot-point, other point of interest, or a character trait, let alone a “character flaw.” They’re not something you only bring up for attention, to get your muse out of a bad spot, or to add dramatics when you’re bored in a thread. Neither are they something you need to attach to your muse simply to give them A Label. These are, I cannot stress this enough, serious topics, and they deserve to be treated that way.

You can do that by defining which variety of PTSD your muse may actually have, then adding research of both the disorder and how it impacts a variety of real people. Making your muse more realistic and being dedicated to sticking with it.

Below are some links to get you started on research! Please note, the real stories, as well as some information, may be graphic or triggering. Read responsibly.

C-PTSD

Out of the Storm - Personal Stories of C-PTSD

-Contains real stories from those with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Their experiences have a huge range; bullying, childhood neglect and abuse, and sexual abuse and assault.

I Have Post-Traumatic Stress and Didn’t Know It - and You Might, Too

-Personal story of living, unknowingly, with C-PTSD. An especially great read for writers who have muses who hold a lot of responsibility in their daily lives, who may not realize their experiences are C-PTSD related, etc. Contains discussion of parental emotional abuse, mental illness and childhood trauma, and rape.

What is C-PTSD?

-Excellent resource for detailed breakdowns of C-PTSD giving without a clinical, impersonal tone. The definitions of the disorder itself, symptoms and how it manifests and impacts daily life, and much more. A highly recommended source, and one with further resources on-site.

11 “Habits” of People Living with C-PTSD

-Short breakdown of C-PTSD, followed by snippets of specific experiences in the words of those living with the disorder, a relatively short article.

PTSD

Rebecca’s Story: Living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

-Personal story of a woman living with PTSD from, in short, being stalked by a co-worker. It’s an excellent article, particularly for how mental illnesses sufferers are treated and portrayed, and how that adds another layer of difficulty to their lives. Obviously, this may be triggering to those who have been stalked, and includes mentions of graphic threats.

My experience of PTSD

-A personal story of medical trauma resulting in PTSD. Many of the PTSD stories you’ll find are from women and involve sexual trauma or harassment, in trying to find a variety of stories, I’ve found this one. By this point, you should be noticing many similarities in these stories, regardless of specific trauma.

Leaving the Battlefield: Soldier Shares Story of PTSD

-So many muses experience PTSD through battle-related incidents, and those depictions are not always accurate in media. This is a personal story about one soldier’s experiences. His perception of PTSD, denial, and shame at having the disorder is something that echoes throughout the previous accounts. So do the similarities of daily struggles to maintain to regular life. Before anyone wants to get Tumblr Nasty about it: there isn’t any “war propaganda” present in this story, the location of it is irrelevant to what you’re supposed to be learning here. It’s literally this man’s experience, don’t.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

-Breakdown of symptoms and causes from Mayo Clinic, so obviously, this is more clinical-minded. Particularly useful for its lists of things like “symptoms of negative changes in thinking and mood” and increased risk-factor for other disorders.

I hope this helps you to assess and write more accurately your muses with C-PTSD or PTSD, and to consider these things more fully when having your muse experience a traumatic event in your plots.

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Please, remember when you are reading these accounts, and anywhere you might encounter PTSD sufferers; these are REAL PEOPLE. Treat them and their stories with respect. You’ll note that, unlike other posts on this blog, I didn’t advise you to approach the source. Many trauma sufferers won’t be comfortable sharing their experiences for the sake of your creative hobby. You may, at your respectful discretion, discuss this with close friends you know to be impacted by PTSD, just keep in mind that respect, discretion, and only bringing the topic up when they are comfortable with it, with specific questions, is necessary here. These are not fictional characters! Do not write someone’s real experiences into your character, thread, etc. verbatim, that’s...fucked up. Thanks in advance for being responsible, respectful adults, from a real life PTSD sufferer. -Vespertine

#rp help #rp advice #muse development #character development #writing advice #muses with ptsd #muses with cptsd #cptsd and ptsd post #muse inspiration #diverse muses #neurodiverse characters #rp better

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