#muses with cptsd

[thepastisapebbleinmyshoe]

I often wonder what constellations must have aligned, to shape the parallels, of our beautiful, unique and complex lives. Those years I spent feeling lost and afraid, sitting in a neighborhood bar with people, who appear resolute, delusional, ashamed. I found beauty in kindness and compassion, and accepted the help I didn't feel deserving of, in those first few weeks and depressing months. There were parts of myself I numbed to survive, and for a time I felt that was more than enough, that I'd done all the work left, to ever be done. Unfortunately, I discovered that surviving, was the beginning, it would take more time, than I was willing to give, awaking each day, in a quiet home, out of reach and safe. I haven't forgotten how I arrived here, the desperation and loneliness of a life, so far away from home and prying eyes, for him it made my illness easier to dismiss, in the year that passed, untreated and denied.

Parallels

#burning muse #poets on poetry #spilled ink #poetry lovers #short poetry #writerscreed #law of attraction #artists on tumblr #poetry #original poetry #writers on tumblr #actually cptsd

[brokenplushie]

Survivors of abuse kill themselves because killing their abusers is considered unlawful.

#okay to reblog #mayu's musing #abuse mention #abuse survivor #actually anxious #actually cptsd #actuallydepressed #actually mentally ill #actually ptsd #actuallysuicidal #actuallytraumatized #complex ptsd #emotional abuse #mental abuse #mentally ill #physical abuse #psychological abuse #ptsd recovery #trauma #trauma vent #tw abuse #tw sa #tw suicidal

[tryingtogetaway]

I love not feeling afraid. I love being able to linger.

Brandon Sanderson, Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

#hopecore #let it linger #brandon sanderson #yumi and the nightmare painter #healing #healing quotes #july quotes #poetry #writings #musings #coping #coping mechanism #childhood trauma #living with cptsd #cptsd thoughts #cptsd recovery #cptsdhealing #toxic shame #recovery #year of sanderson

[apalestar]

I wonder if part of why Astarion isn't a details person is a symptom of his abuse. Him being so capricious is a symptom / clue of the environment he's been part of for 200 years. As Cazador is volatile, hard to predict, and the only certainty is more torment, he's had to adapt to changing with the wind. A coping mechanism to ensure his survival.

The Astarion of 5 seconds ago? Don't know him. Because he's had to be like that to not be flayed alive every day.

He can't be so hard fixed on planning ahead when nothing but suffering is certain. Cazador also puts him down as just a pretty face. Even if he's more than that. He does show signs of being academically smart. But he's an absolute idiot at genuine social interactions and looking toward the future. Partly due to his environment.

#musings #// Yeah boy likely has CPTSD #tw: abuse #// I hate to armchair diagnose but you know #// there are signs

[ukigumos]

6. is there any other muse in this fandom you’d like to RP? (from the munday asks meme)

UKIGUMOS - »❝浮雲❞« Munday Asks.

This comes as no surprise but probably mister Yamamoto Takeshi. Rewatching KHR and sifting through the manga has made me appreciate his nuances 1000 x more than I did as a wee kid.

A friend of mine that is watching KHR for the first time has fallen into 5927 hell (she loves Gokudera) so I'll hopefully be picking up Tsuna some time too. Which will be wild because most of the muses I gravitate towards are quite... Aloof, standoffish, grumpy, etc.

Otherwise, I am cooking up an OC to ship with Xanxus, so there might be a day where I write Xanxus ww.

#whiskeysmulti #『»❝浮雲❞« askbox #『»❝浮雲❞« ooc / meluna #『» tbh I probably need to pick up muses that aren't suffering crippling CPTSD « #『» it gets dark up there (the brain) «

[right-across-the-moonlit-hall]

Being 30 yo with a psyche of a toddler is wild af. My view regarding my place in this world has only two settings.

1. Everything in this world revolves around my amazing being, I am God incarnate

2. I am a puny worm, and there's not a single corner on Earth that can shelter me from the cruelty of being inferior to Humans

Thankfully, in the last five years I have managed to develop my frontal lobes sufficiently enough where i can manage to hold a more nuanced world view on a day-to-day basis.

But in a period of great stress, people do tend to revert to factory settings. And i am, unfortunately, a human ;-;

So for the last two days i've been having full-blown meltdowns during work hours, but like, ~with style~, because my frontal lobes manage to turn on mid-hysteria, which feels like uncanny valley ngl

And what my frontal lobes tell me is, this is just a new phase of healing. Old fighting arenas on harder difficulty.

Leveling up is hella weird. But maybe my inner toddler will graduate kindergarten eventually.

#cptsd #mental minty #minty musings #crying is self-care #mental health #mental illness

[hotmonkeelove]

made in picrew

Last one for today, I promise! The two halves of myself; the wounded girl of my depression, and the (self-reinvented) prettier, highly ambitious, much more likable and happy woman of my hypomanias. I have seen myself like this for ages now. The broken self holds me fast, despite my attempts to rid myself of her.

There is one liberty I have taken, and that is is my colour-changing hazel eyes. They used to be brown more often when I was little, typically appearing green when I cried. (It's rather unsettling to hear, "You have such pretty green eyes," when one is a traumatised child in tears.) They went permanently green in middle school, with the onset of my manic-depression (announcing that I was now broken). I only made them brown here to hark back to the happier, more innocent spots of my early youth.

All that is to say, I need to finish my poetry manuscript.

#picrew #doll #personal #summoning my muse #self reflection #self portrait #manic-depression #bipolor #cptsd #poetry #my writing #and yes i owe this theme to los dos fridas #also blonde was my natural hair colour #i went red in high school

[dailycupofcreativitea]

Someone online said that cPTSD feels like you're a kid who got lost from their mom at a carnival, and the carnival is over and people are packing up to leave but no one came to pick you up yet, so you keep waiting, and eventually you give up and wander around trying to find out how to get home by yourself but you don't even know where that is, and I was like...felt.

#cptsd #musings #phat mood #this is kinda what im trying to describe when everything else is going fine in my life #but when people ask 'how are you' #i usually respond with 'hanging on' or 'surviving' or something similar #because everythings fine except im still 'lost at the carnival' #waiting for something #and wandering trying to find home #but i dont know where it is

[dailycupoftrauma]

Sometimes I wish I could extend my anger outwards towards people, and get angry at them for not being able to fulfill any of my needs. But someone could probably hand me everything on a silver platter: attention, stability, compliments, support, love, patience, respect, everything, and I still wouldn't be able to recognize it.

#vent #or maybe #musings #was triggered today but i need to be concentrating at work ugh #cptsd #ptsd

[optionalcausality]

Trauma response can be weird.

I've had friends check in with me discreetly after seeing me interact with my parents. Seeing how stressed I get, how irritable, how snappish, how brusque and rude.

My relationship with my parents is better now than it was for most of my life. But I still have issues. In particular, when both are around, I just don't like the person that I become when I must interact with them.

I am able to be a better person only because I don't live with them. And our visits are structured, or involve travel away from the house where they live, so there are fewer things that could trigger bad memories and feed into trauma response.

It's still rough.

Best of luck to everyone dealing with similar mixed feelings this Father's Day.

#'and the abused children grew up and found ways to be happy' and other nonfiction #parents please be kind #cptsd or complex post traumatic stress disorder #musings and mundanities #s and his mightily screwed up family #'cptsd or complex post traumatic stress disorder' tag

[thepastisapebbleinmyshoe]

“It would be wise never to chastise or patronize who I am within your sanctimonious ideals and beliefs. Adorned so effortlessly each Sunday, a hypocritical look in comparison to the delicacy of grief. The confines of conformity never could ignite the passion behind my eyes. In the aged and tattered words of poets from the 19th century, I revealed a quiet revolution of heartache and authenticity”.

Sunday’s Best

#burning muse #poets on poetry #spilled ink #poetry lovers #short poetry #writerscreed #law of attraction #artists on tumblr #poetry #original poetry #writers on tumblr #actually cptsd

[neversith]

i want you to know anakin is aware something ain't right in his head. jedi don't have official therapy. he probably gets it while he's a part of the rebel alliance or after he kills palpatine.

#& you underestimate my power ( ooc ) #i didn't need to add on to his mental heal besides obvious ones he would logically have such as bpd cptsd #but i project adhd onto my muses when i see fit so i diagnose him with adhd #the dyslexia is more of a learning disability but he struggles #depression and anxiety come from the bpd and ptsd #mental health cw #don't reblog

[voicesofrapture]

Muse info:

-Mason uses a cane sometimes bc they cant stay on their feet for too long.

-Dorian has chronic pain,

-Breccan has anxiety and abandonment issues

-Riordan has CPTSD due to his parents

#tw cptsd mention #cw cptsd mention #tagging just in case #muse aspects #muse stuff #The caged bird (Riordan McCarthy) #'the siren' (dorian vale) #'the bartender' (breccan conery) #'the assistant' (mason galloway)

[void-tiger]

…oh.

so that’s why I end up developing parasocial relationships with voice actors and writers who turn out to overall be decent (vs “perfect”) people.

The sad&angry weird little girl inside me is still wishing she had a mentor (and is willing to settle for kind responses and encouragement directed at other fans.)

#tiger’s musings #parasocial relationships #mental health bullshit #…I also made the Mistake of going on FB for a change #and ended up triggering myself ‘cause the ONE (1) kind teacher I had as a child #is still close friends with the two teachers who made my life a living hell #I’ve talked to my therapist about it and. she kindly but bluntly told me #that the fact I NEVER felt comfortable or confident enough to visit the Nicer past teachers I had #is…actually proof that I never had a stable/supportive relationship as a child/teen #(and. y’know. to stop being so damn annoyed with myself for struggling and having anxiety/depression/cptsd and being so Stalled) #but…it still kinda sucks

[adhd-dog-guy]

can one have too many diagnoses? Lol I just call it a fun mix of being neurodivergent, mentally ill, and. traumatized

Bipolar I disorder

Generalized Anxiety disorder

OCD

ADHD

C-PTSD (formerly diagnosed as Borderline Personality disorder but I no longer meet the criteria)

Autism spectrum

Tic disorder

Anorexia Nervosa - B/P (in recovery currently!)

Auditory processing disorder

Nonverbal learning disability (issues with visual-spatial processing and fine motor skills)

Specific Learning Disorder in Math (Dyscalculia)

Slow processing speed

Oh I almost forgot— GENDER DYSPHORIA

Did I miss anything? Lol it’s weird because sometimes I find the labels helpful and validating (especially autism) plus labels like Bipolar and OCD can help my doctors decide what meds I need…. At the same time I know labels aren’t everything.

#late night thoughts #late night thinking #almost midnight #ramblings #musings #trans #mental illness #diagnoses #autistic adhd #autistic #bipolar #ocd #anxiety #cptsd #ed recovery #gender dysphoria #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #tic disorder #nvld #learning disabilities #dyscalculia #auditory processing disorder #adhd #attention deficit disorder (add) #autism #asd #bipolar 1 #anxious #trauma

[mizusjawline]

Surviving, Grief, Acceptance, Thriving

Those are the stages of recovery from child abuse. I wonder if I'm slowly moving from the acceptance stage to thriving.

Sure, there is still a lot of shit that hurts. Sure, my life is far from perfect. But it's a good life now, it's fulfilled. And I have active steps ahead of me to make it even better. Some of them just need a bit of courage for me to take them.

It's strange, in a way, I really was only born yesterday. My life only really started a lil more than half a year ago. Until then, I was too imprisoned to really live. For the fact that I am, in a way, only a lil more than half a year old, what I have built for myself is impressive. What will my life be like when I'm a year old, two years old, five years old, ten years old........

#musings #tw child abuse #child abuse survivor #child abuse recovery #cptsd #actually cptsd