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a03-anxiousandafraid · 1 year

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Fanfic Masterlist

Hi! I realized I never made one of these and that I really should cause it would be helpful if someone decided to click on my blog~ Here is a master list of my fanfictions up on A03 with links and descriptions. Also, to be extra safe, all M rated fics will be listed under “NSFW” regardless of if they contain sexual content or not! I will try to keep this updated as I continue to make stuff! :)

Legend of Zelda

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💕~SFW~💕

.::.

An Ode To Yesterday [complete]

Rated T (suggestive themes), zelink oneshot, Hurt/Comfort, gift fic, Post Calamity

Zelda, enthralled at learning one of her favorite traditions is still alive after a hundred years, helps Link learn to accept the love and happiness he desperately yearns for.

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Advice for Aryll [complete]

Rated T, zelink oneshot, “make Fate cry competition” (2021), Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Post Calamity

Link struggles with recovering memories of his sister while living with Zelda in their Hateno home. Distraught that he forgot her and having to digest her subsequent fate disrupts their lives and leads Link to take drastic measures when something strange happens to Zelda’s slate.

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I Need You At Night [complete]

Rated T, zelink, oneshot, Post Calamity, Hurt/Comfort, very soft

Her smile rivaled the sun. Lying amongst the wheat she was one with the earth. With Hylia. She was the soil and the grain as much as she was the wind and the sky, happiness and hope, expectation and reality. She was all. All but one thing.

It tunneled its way through the garden. Followed the song of unbridled joy until it loomed above her like predator on prey.

"There's a flower hidden near. Might you find it?"

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⚠🔞~NSFW~🔞⚠

.::.

Stress- Zelink Oneshot Collection [ongoing]

Rated (varies per entry but set to M just in case), zelink, oneshots

Oneshot collection (mostly Zelink) to help encourage myself to write more. Each entry is a different story, so feel free to skip around chapters since they do not have any bearing on what gets uploaded next. Themes and writing styles will vary from prompt to prompt. This could be rated T but I'd like to play it safe and keep it rated M based on more mature themes.

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The Woman in Hateno [Complete]

Rated M (language, alcohol, graphic depiction), zelink, multi-chapter, MCD, alcoholism, post Botw, canon divergence, SAD

Zelda struggles to come to grips with her current reality despite having successfully vanquishing Calamity Ganon. Spending her days mostly in a drunken haze, it takes a lot of convincing from those who care about her to find her bearings to reach catharsis.

Rated M for language, alcohol use, and a graphic description (in Ch.5)

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OnlyFandom [ongoing]

Rated E (suggestive themes, sexual content), zelink, long fic, slow-burn, modern au, college au

Not much thought had ever been put into thinking about the body in non-platonic circumstances. Between a heavily structured home life and strong personal aspirations, this whole format was completely out of her comfort zone. It wasn’t so much of an infatuation as much as it was a thirst for knowledge. More of a curiosity that had the scientist in her screaming to observe and to learn. But to learn WHAT? Urbosa probably had an answer for that… but messaging her was out of the question. Not after waking up to a conspicuous text containing nothing but a winky face.

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Control [complete]

Rated E (sexual content), zelink oneshot, zelinktines 2022 (prompt “smut”), modern au

When Zelda's friends can't take their eyes off of Link all morning, she makes it a point to prove just how valuable her companionship can be.

#fic masterlist #anxiousandafraid #my writing #fanfiction #loz fanfiction #botw fanfiction #zelink #zelink fanfic #legend of zelda #botw #tloz #ao3 fanfiction #ao3 writer

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radley-writes · 8 months

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hiya! just wondering if u can talk a bit about your process of drafting -> beta reading etc? I'm almost ready to have people read my draft (revised from cp feedback) and idk where to start or what the best process might be! thanks in advance

First off: congrats on having a completed manuscript. It sounds like you're off to a good start, having received cp feedback!

Of course, every writer will have a different method of prepping for a Beta round. I hope this is useful, and gives you some ideas for how to proceed.

Once I have a solid manuscript that's ready for readers, my next step is to ask myself a couple of questions...

What's your deadline?

I like to establish this before I start. I usually do quite long Beta rounds, around four/five months a pop - though some people prefer to work under pressure and might prefer an 8 week Beta round!

You need to pick a realistic date and stick to it. I wouldn't go any shorter than 4 weeks for a 70K novel - and personally, I think that is too tight.

What platform will you use to share your draft?

I use Googledocs just for convenience. But given The Current Nonsense (AI training) you might be more comfortable picking a different method.

I then split my doc into manageable chunks - typically 10K ish each, one part on each doc.

What do you want from your Betas while they read?

I usually make several forms, one for each part, that ask very basic questions - I've found that people respond best to this, plus a few prompts. So, 'what do you like about the story so far? (characters, style, worldbuilding, plot, pacing, etc.)' and 'what could be improved on? (any parts you felt didn't quite 'work'? Go into as much or as little detail as you like!)'

But you can ask specific questions about certain plot points you're unsure about, or whatever else you like!

I then link each 'part' of my novel to the next part and the corresponding form.

How do you want to communicate with your Betas?

I use Discord, because it's easy to set up a simple little server for Betas to join! This server is typically comprised of a few rooms for people to chat about their own projects/my manuscript, plus a couple of fun rooms full of pet pictures and memes - it's mostly just a way to socialise and get to know your Betas a bit better.

Which you should do! The friends I've made from Beta rounds have been with me for years! You'll meet amazing people, and I'd encourage you to show their projects the same enthusiasm that they have for yours!

Then we're onto selecting the Betas themselves.

What do you want to know about your Betas?

I give the Betas one chapter to read, linked to an application form. I want to know their preferred name/pronouns, a vague idea of their age (so: <18 or >18 - for YA projects I like having a mix of adults and kids as my Betas, and for Adult projects I prefer not to have kids). I also want to know their Discord handle and a confirmation that they can read and comment on the whole manuscript before the deadline.

Then I put in a free box for them to write their feedback on the first chapter.

I also list all the content warnings for my manuscript that I can think of, and ask them to confirm that they are okay with reading this novel.

Which Betas do you want?

You've had a dozen replies - so, it's time to select Betas!

How do you pick? How many should you choose? I've discovered through trial and error that I, personally, cannot handle a large Beta round. It's too much stress! Some people have 20+ Betas on every book, but I perish at the thought - so my rounds tend to be pretty exclusive, between 5-10 Betas. I usually aim to have 5, but inevitably add an extra or ...several, just because people are lovely!

I usually choose one or two 'cheerleaders' who give loads of compliments, because I'm a baby who needs ego boosts. Then I choose the rest based on who gives the most insightful critique!

You interpretation of 'insightful critique' will vary. I like critique that is clear and honest, even if that means saying 'I don't know what is wrong here, but something about this section made me lose interest'. I like people who try to suggest what might be wrong, and ways to fix it - but I wouldn't pick anyone who was obviously basing all their assumptions off of Tumblr Writing Advice For What Makes A Good Novel.

Or what they want their own novel to be.

Of course, writers can be incredibly awesome Betas - I've got a squad who I trust with my manuscripts, my life, and my entire ass. But writing and editorial reading are different skills. Some folks are good writers, but aren't good commentators. Their crit will basically be them trying to turn your story into theirs. You get a feel for this sort of critique after a while, and it'll set off red flags!

I also tend not to pick people who don't vibe with anything about the 'style' or 'voice' of the first chapter - those are big factors that affect the whole novel and aren't going to change. They'd be the sort of people who would put my book down after the first page, so they're not really my audience!

Once you've made your selection, you just have to whoosh out Discord invites, give your Betas access to the first part of the manuscript (with links to the next part and the relevant questionnaire embedded) and away you go.

I hope this helps! May your Beta-round journey go smoothly! Again, all advice is built entirely from my own preferences and experiences - if anyone else likes to do things in a completely different and radical way, please let me know! I'd love some new ideas of how to run a Beta round! :D

#writing advice #publishing #writeblr #creative writing #writers on tumblr #beta rounds #beta reading

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starcasticallyyours · 1 year

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starcastic’s fun facts about writing Art and Artifice

So, my Vmin Regency AU Art and Artifice is finally finished!! This feels rather surreal because I worked on almost nothing else for the past 6 months. It was such a good experience though because not only did I enjoy myself immensely with the craft and execution of this story, but the people who regularly commented were so wonderfully encouraging and made me feel like the sunken cost was all worth it. Thank you again, I love you all so much!

A lot went into the making of this story, so I really want to share more about how I wrote it as well as pointing out little Easter eggs I included, both relating to BTS or the time period. If any of this interests you, keep reading below!

FUN FACTS FIRST!

Not sure if anyone got this, but the title is in fact a riff on Pride and Prejudice! And the sequel will be even more silly by having a very Blackadder the Third take on another Austen title, but you’ll have to wait and see which one it is.

I already mentioned in an author’s note that each of the estates had IRL basis, but they also all had fictional ones. Harthaven is meant to evoke Mr Knightley’s Donwell Abbey with its stately farmcore vibes. Ivoring Hall should remind you of both Longbourn (especially with the Mins behaving rather Bennet-like) and Kellynch Hall (their money woes reflecting those of the Elliots). And of course, Davensley is a total rip-off of Mr Darcy’s Pemberley and is here to represent the epic breadth and majesty of all major English country estates.

Taehyung’s Grand Tour itinerary is based on Lord Byron’s from 1809-1811. I’m sure he desperately wanted to go to France and Italy but there’s a war going on out there, somewhere. And Seokjin isn’t here. (My Great Comet agenda will never rest)

Speaking of which, there should have been a Jin mention each update but I failed this when the Sope proposal scene became its own chapter and I forgot. Kind of bummed about it, not gonna lie.

I thought about having Yoongi read Sense and Sensibility at some point since it was published in October 1811. But then he went and established himself as an ardent enthusiast of gothic melodrama instead, how very Catherine Morland of him.

[major story spoiler] The backstory of why Merritt suddenly came back to England was that a great-aunt of his died and he had expected to be given her estate just to discover that this was not the case! Having sold his commission, he couldn’t return to a military career so he decided to wiggle his way back into Jimin’s life to gain his fortune/inheritance instead -- except he did not expect a) Minjeong’s wise decision to will Harthaven to Namjoon and b) Kim Taehyung. [end spoilers]

Not about the story/characters at all but I have a weird preoccupation with numbers so I’m particularly happy that I started this fic on 11/11 and managed to finish it on 5/5.

A tidbit about the sequel: it will be from Namjoon’s POV and centred around him as he was mostly in the background throughout this story and deserves something good after his year of being sad. I’m looking forward to it because how he views himself is absolutely not the same way Jimin does!

THE WRITING PROCESS:

I almost always come up with a story’s ENTIRE plot before even writing it down. So after seeing @dayofkaryn‘s tweet (like I’ve said so many times) in March, I was bit by a plot bunny and thought about it incessantly for about 2 months to figure out the main beats. This way, I can mentally test and veto things – at one point I had an entire other ending to the story that I never wrote down and ergo have totally forgotten what it was (something about Taegi teaming up against Merritt but I do not remember what their plan was at ALL). Of course, the final version of the story almost never resembles the chosen plot 100% faithfully, but having a roadmap is still really important for my personal security!

Next, I outline. Extensively. The version that I kept on tweaking and rewriting over the summer ended up at 11k words by the time I started. The point is that it’s a 0 draft and again, I’m figuring out the beats and identifying what needs to be done in regards to character development, structure, or just basic research.

I started drafting in late September and had the first 3 chapters ready by the first post in November (totally lost my head start by Christmas though, lol). When I draft, I cut/paste the section of outline that applies into a new Google doc and start forming them into sentences and paragraphs. Sometimes I end up rewriting the outline first, especially for later chapters after the story had developed into its own thing with a much clearer personality that deviated from the original plan! In draft mode, I also keep Wordhippo and Etymonline on nearby tabs to help me catch that word on the tip of my tongue and that my vocabulary choice is both period and suitably British. Luckily, thanks to where I grew up/currently live my spelling habits are already UK style!

Once drafted, I upload as a preview on AO3 and tweak for line edits/formatting there. Will admit that by the last 2-3 chapters this was not done and I would line edit after posting because my work schedule was hectic! But then the chapter is published, yay, and I go about my day trying not to think about it and reminding myself that the stats page is not an indicator of quality or worth.

RESOURCES:

I’ll admit that I constantly googled shit while I drafted, ending up mostly on the blogs of Romance authors or Jane Austen fanpages. I do want to shout out this extremely cool collection of articles written by literally one person on very particular and niche topics from the era called the Regency Redingote. Even if it just came to one-liners about Jimin using a mote spoon or trimming quills, the wealth of information is just amazing and I could and have lost hours of time just reading about these random Regency things.

I also used videos for general education. Ellie Dashwood is a YouTuber who for a long time made Austen and 19th century her thing, so she was great for simple and straightforward explanations. (And she’s Yoongi biased!) There’s also this incredibly detailed re-enactment of a private ball by the Real Royalty history channel that they held in Edward Austen’s house! That one is just FUN to watch and learning more about the period via direct experience is a great way to do it in my opinion. And this one vlog about a pheasant shoot helped me significantly with Chapter 9 even if it’s very modern.

However, nothing beats immersing yourself in the OG stories! While writing this fic I revisited Emma, Northanger Abbey, and Sense and Sensibility from top to bottom, and picked up Venetia as a new Heyer read. I also checked out Jennifer Kloester’s Georgette Heyer’s Regency World from the library which had a lot of details about the setting and culture that was really useful. My library system has tons of Heyer actually, I should pick up another to celebrate finishing the AU!

WRITING SOUNDTRACKS:

I’m a creature of habit and usually will return to the same handful of mood music for a project. For A&A, these were on constant rotation:

For lighthearted scenes [like in chapters 4-7] / Jimin’s “theme”: the complete OST from Emma 2020. I genuinely love this movie for its cinematography and absurdity, and I love the soundtrack too! For Vmin scenes / Taehyung’s “theme”: Twoset Violin’s Mendelssohn 4mil Concert. I really, really like the Bach piano pieces at the start and end, and I find La Campanella to be very A&A!Taehyung coded: torrid and dramatic and also kind of ridiculous. I do pause writing whenever I hear the concerto starting to catch Brett’s panicked face when they prank him every single time, hahahaha

For Sope scenes / Yoongi’s “theme”: this collection of John Field’s nocturnes. My favourite is No. 10, the “Romance”. Soft and gentle, like our sweet Suga!! Other composers I would also put on from time to time were Beethoven, Pleyel (who Jane Austen was known to enjoy a lot), more John Field (concertos instead of nocturnes) and of course, BTS. C:

If you actually read to the end of this very self-indulgent and longwinded post, thank you for your patience! I hope you liked the story too, and are curious enough to see what the heck I’m going to do with pirates in the sequel. Because now I’m going to have to figure that out too. As always, I remain starcasticallyyours!

#Vmin AU #Vmin fanfic #Vmin fanfiction #Regency AU #BTS #fanfiction #fanfic

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wyxan · 4 months

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Fandom Resolution: identify my likes and dislikes

Being a full person with likes and dislikes that I know and share is something I have to work at. So I’m keep a list (and checking it often 😊). It’s time to move from being what I think people want me to be to trusting them with my actual human self 💜

Likes:

Fandom friends - the hype for posts/ideas and encouragement for WIPs and mutual unapologetic excitement and insight and advice and community. Yeah, love you, you talented bunch!

DC / Marvel crossovers - why choose??

Rare pairs - or basically writing any dynamic based on how interesting it has the potential to be.

Comedy / banter - I’ve really enjoyed creating back-and-forth moments and leaning in to characters that I think are funny and like to tease.

Developing head-canons, building out characters, and self-indulgence - I’m really enjoying my MJ in the Sunrise series. My idea is that she’s on the ace spectrum (like she feels the way she does about Peter because she knows him thoroughly), devoted to Peter (as he is to her), and completely non-judgemental about his desires (even if she will take longer time to consider her own role and might never move from where she is now at all). If she can see Peter wants something that he isn’t sure he can have, and she can ease that, she’s going to do it.

Taking part in events - reading everyone’s fics and commenting and sharing ideas, argh. It was my first time experiencing that in fandom and it was just such a joy.

Charcoal portraiture - I’ve never done anything like that baby Jason piece before and it was SO enjoyable. It’s probably 10 hours of work over 2 days and I literally loved them all. I didn’t know I could do that, it was fab. Also engaging with a character and their story to decide how to draw them: he’s hungry, he’s tired, he’s scared, he’s angry, he’s ready to fight, he’s only about 12 - I love him even more.

Dislikes:

Smut?? - Not sure if I dislike it, but smut was harder than I thought it would be to write, and I felt very self conscious about the lack of feedback. It’s hard to know if that’s because it was bad and people politely moved on or if there was less of an audience for it / public audience. I don’t think I enjoyed how I went about trying to write it, I think maybe in future I’ll try a) PWP to take the pressure of a storyline off (like these characters are already in universe together, let’s just move on), or b) a multi chapter fic where I mostly focus on the storyline and if smut feels like it adds something I’ll include it or write a side fic for it.

Not having a beta reader - the first fic I posted was so kindly beta’d by noxnthea and she made the whole process genuinely exciting and definitely improved the final output. I wrote the next one very late for the deadline and then the E rated fic I got weirdly shy about so I just posted them. It lets all the nerves creep in and puts a lot of pressure on AO3 stats! And on that vein…

AO3 stats page (/tumblr notes) - I’m not judging myself for wanting engagement because it’s very human to want connection. I do think I got a bit too keen on repeatedly checking my engagement stats when I wasn’t getting comments or kudos, and second-guessing everything. I can’t mind-read how people use AO3/tumblr and I need to try not to set myself arbitrary targets or to assume that low engagement means those seeing it aren’t enjoying it. However I have been pleased that I haven’t forgotten how much I enjoyed the creation process even after posting.

#fandom resolution #xan is recovering :)

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quickspinner · 1 year

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May the road trip be peaceful and have good scenery.

For the fanfic ask game how about 5 (in general), 7 & 8 for Indelible, and a non list question, which WIP have you enjoyed writing for the most recently?

Ask me about a WIP!

Thank you for the road wishes friend!

5. How do you feel about posting chapters before the fic is finished (with this one and/or in general)?

I usually can't make it to the end of a multichap fic without posting. When deadlines are not an issue, I try not to post until I'm at least halfway done and have a reasonable expectation of being able to finish. For exchanges or birthday gifts I get myself into trouble usually have less finished. Usually somewhere after the halfway point I stall a bit and flounder, so posting helps me get some encouragement and feedback and accountability for finishing. I have had a couple of occasions (Beautiful Dreams) (Indelible) where a fic turned out to be bigger than I initially planned and it turned out it wasn't as much at the halfway done point as I thought. 😂

7. Do you listen to music while writing your WIP? If so, what? Do you have a playlist?

I do listen to music, but I don’t have a playlist for this WIP. Sorry I know I’m really boring. 😂 I listen mostly to Pandora stations, and I pick which one based on what kind of scene I’m working on. I think the last chapter was the Pink (the artist, not the color) station, and I had another one seeded with What if I Was Nothing I think. Sometimes I make playlists for WIPs, I just haven’t felt moved to do so for this fic.

8. Does your WIP have a Pinterest board or anything similar? If it does and you want to, link it!

This isn’t really part of my process, I don’t usually make a visual reference. Making a playlist is about all I do, and I don’t even always do that. Occasionally I look up dress ideas or something like that, and when I do I generally link them in the individual chapters, but it just doesn’t occur to me to make a board for it. I had a couple for Indelible, because hair and clothes descriptions are hard for me so I did some image searches for inspiration.

Here’s the qipao wedding dress Marinette’s New Year’s dress was based on.

Here’s the hair and dress I used as inspiration for her New York look.

That’s all the visual references I have for Indelible at the moment!

Which WIP have you enjoyed writing for the most recently?

I’ll be honest with you, everything feels like a bit of a slog right now. 😆 Time has been so limited, I’ve been really focusing on Indelible because I feel like I can taste the end at this point--even though when I sit down and think about what I have to write, it seems like a lot, I am comparatively close to the end, and I’m both eager to write the reconciliation and fluff and makeouts, and worried that I won’t get the complicated relationship dynamics across properly and people will be disappointed or unsatisfied.

But before I can get there I have to do the really depressing stuff and that’s difficult. 😂 And as usual I’ve made things more difficult on myself by sticking to one single POV, so I can’t put the reader inside Marinette’s head and explain right now what is going on in there, it all has to wait until Luka figures it out and/or they talk through it. Min ( @mintaka14 ) has been my cheerleader and sounding board and really helped me keep perspective. Having writing

I love the story, and I love seeing the readers react to it, and I’m really excited to get to the emotional stuff at the end, and I am still absolutely getting joy out of this fic, but the process of writing it feels a little painful right now.

I’m also working on my LBSC sprint secret santa fic, and while it’s fun and the prompt is right up my alley, I’m sweating the deadline a bit and fighting my overthinking brain about how to fit it all together. 😆

I’m kind of eyeing the library meet cute fic and thinking I might work on that a bit in the next couple weeks as a treat, so even though I’m not actively working on it at the moment, can I count that? 😂 This month has been really hectic with doctors (all good news!) and gatherings and family birthdays and all, so I think I’m just tired all around. I will not be sorry to see 2022 out the door, I must say.

#quickmemes #wip ask game

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mcsquared789 · 4 months

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2023 Wrap-Up

NOTE: This was previously published on AO3.

Now that we're at the end of 2023, I've been reflecting on how much I've done. I've just kind of fully accepted that this is pretty much going to be a multi-year long project, so I thought: hey, why not do a sort-of Spotify Wrapped on my own series? I would critically go through everything I had written this year, as well as tease what I have planned for the next year, and then put it in a seperate chapter in this fic so you could see how much overall progress I've made.

So that's what we're going to do! Before I continue, I will just add (for further context) that the changelog will always be continually updated with progress and additional reports — whereas these will be uploaded once and never touched again. If you're reading this much later, I will not be updating anything else in this chapter other than describing the writing process for what I've written. This means that what I write later on, as well as any promises I make, may not be accurate to what I've said here. Keep that in mind.

IRON MAN | MAY-JUNE

I started this project with the very first fic, Iron Man — but it's a bit misleading to say that I only started working on this in May. Half of it had actually been prewritten out somewhere else on a Word document, back when this was strictly a personal project and I had just wanted to give writing a try. Specifically practicing, by translating a movie to a novel: a reasonable exercise. It was off and on for a while, but when I finally decided to pull the trigger and bring this to AO3... your incredible support encouraged me to finish it. Therefore, here we are.

But what encouraged me to go to AO3 and start this, anyway? Well, I found out about the platform in no small part thanks to ColeyDoesThings — great channel by the way, subscribe to them if you love fanfiction. But I never really got the appeal of fanfiction and what I could do until I found myself inadvertently writing it, and soon realized that I could do whatever I wanted while writing about things I really care about, which really made something click for me and unleashed a creative spark that had been dormant in forgotten and abandoned projects. A winning combination indeed, that also was spurred on by how diabolically shit the MCU had mostly been this year. (By the way, I'm glad that they're cutting back a lot in 2024. We really need a break, guys.)

But spite wasn't enough — back in March, I had no plans to do anything like this. I really decided to commit to this for my own sanity after I watched the best thing they put out so far this year — GOTG3, of course — and was reminded of the best parts of the overall universe. I then decided that I had to rectify the love I had of it with its overall current state. So I sat down with Scrivener and finally was able to finish this fic: now a much easier task after having written and rewritten the first chapters of it over and over, and also having to adhere to some sort of schedule to finish my work instead of continually perfecting it again and again. The deadline and your expectations, allowed me to bring this over the finish line and deliver the ending.

There were a lot of setbacks. I found it difficult to balance the pacing with the events of this fic — because unlike a lot of other stories in this project, I had to condense a series of months into just about 20 chapters. As well, I also really struggled to make the side characters Pepper and Rhodey important in this... because this was really just about Tony, and I wasn't sure how I was going to change things up yet. I did finally manage to expand their roles in the sequel, however.

Overall, it was a good start. And doing the epilogue (the part when Nick Fury teased the wider universe) finally brought into sharp relief the ambition of the project I was about to undertake, and made me really excited about what I would be able to write next, what characters I would be able to bring together, how much I could actually write of what I wanted to see. Although there was a speed bump...

THE INCREDIBLE HULK | JULY-NOVEMBER

Jesus Christ, this took four months? Ugggh.

Okay, so if Iron Man proved my ability to do this... then this fic had to prove I was capable of expanding on things that wasn't there. This and Iron Man 2 were the only movies I hadn't watched prior to doing this, and this was about as drastically different to anything else in the MCU as it could get. Thus, I think I really struggled with writing it, while also figuring out what to do with Bruce Banner and these characters I admittedly didn't know very well — so the streak I was on had clearly vanished, and I fell behind further with each chapter.

(To be fair: I did take a long holiday in September that stopped me from working on this for a while. So really, it took three months. Still inexcusable.)

That's not to say this was terrible, though! On the contrary, it allowed me to distinguish this fic from Iron Man heavily by including body horror, heavy themes and overall a much darker tone. It really set the stage, I think, of the different genres and themes I may be able to write and change up during this project — and that really excites me for the future. If these two series already feel so different from each other, then how different could they be from Thor? Or Captain America? Or Guardians of the Galaxy? In that regard, I cannot wait to find out. This then will also set the tone for the other fics in the Hulk series, which will have to be wholly original.

It also introduced me to Betty and Thaddeus Ross (at least in a more nuanced way from what we saw of him in Civil War), as well as Emil Blonsky. I now have different ideas for what to do with them going forward that I've already established, as well as bringing in other characters from the comics that will join this universe along with them. So next year, I'll hopefully then see if I can make them work in the universe by expanding on from where their stories end, referring to comics and other adaptations to represent them in these fics the best I can. I'm thinking specifically of Samuel Sterns, Nadia Dornova and pre-transformed, non-fourth wall breaking Jennifer Walters. (This will also then set the stage for whether I can do the same with other characters I plan to add later, like Clea Strange.)

Although I have somewhat of a plan now, I will say that if I can guess what the hardest fics will be to work on in the future... it will definitely be the Hulk series, and the repercussions they will bring to New York and the universe itself. But I'll just end this by saying that I'm still really excited for them and what they'll add, and I can't wait to focus on them soon after I finish Phase 1. In fact, I've cheekily teased in Hulk already what Bruce's fate looks like in Phase 2! Let me know if you think you caught it.

NOVEMBER | THE CONSULTANT

I decided to start doing shortfics, because I needed something to switch focus to during longer projects — and where better to start than that one short film that came out in 2010, that focuses on the end of The Incredible Hulk?

This was my first attempt at a short story, and I feel that it was a good one: but it will probably not fully represent my ability to write them. For one, this will probably be one of the only fics that connects directly to another fic I've already written: others will probably take place in the intervening periods between one fic and another, like Sanctuary. (See the slate.) As well, this features characters that do not have as big of a role to play in this universe — sorry, Coulson fans. I have yet to see what it's like to write one featuring a character that I intend to also star (or co-star) in a novel length fic.

But this fic was really good, I feel, for helping me practice condensing a story into as few words as I can. The length of these shortfics will wildly vary depending on how much I need to go into detail, but for this I was able to tell everything while expanding on it in just under 3k words! Very nice. And as well as continuing to flesh out Coulson, I also was able to establish a bit about Jasper Sitwell in some ways that I am very proud of: as a hint, it just means I feel confident in writing stories that both work for readers who are not familiar with the fandom and those who are. If you know, you know.

DECEMBER—? | IRON MAN: WAR MACHINE

That brings us to my current fic, the sequel to Iron Man! There have been a lot of factors in this that has helped make this such a breeze compared to Hulk, and they all have to do with how I've written it. For one, I've developed of writing chapters long before I publish them — which has made this fic go by very quickly, but has given me time to catch errors and edit sections I'm not super happy with. For another, the amount of different perspectives in this has allowed every chapter in turn to stay fresh! With all their different challenges and considerations for how I have to write the characters: from Tony, to Vanko, to Rhodey, to Pepper... and soon, a bit of another character we have not properly heard from yet.

(I might as well add that this is the first fic where I've added proper flashbacks — and I think they've really worked in helping me explain character motivations and decisions! Expect more of them from Tony and Rhodey in the rest of the fic, especially for a particularly heartbreaking chapter to come soon... yeah, that will not be fun to write.)

Basically, this is the beginning of what I've truly envisioned will come out of this series, and I'm really loving it! Planning and remaining consistent has been a boon for me to be able to finish over half of this fic in just a month, and has made me really confident that I'll be able to finish the rest by the end of January (hopefully). As well, this is a story with a really complicated and non-straightforward plot compared to its predecessor — so I'm so happy that I've been able to find ways to manage all these characters during this really busy period in the timeline of the MCU, along with other stories that are happening around the same as this one. And I hope to recapture that interconnectivity in future fics — especially the Avengers fics, that I predict will be very, very long.

And with the fun I'm having with it, it's also a good sign for how I feel I'll be able to tackle 2024. 7 months have gone by since I started doing this, which is not really a full year... but now that there's a good chance I'll be taking myself through 2024 like this, I feel confident that I will be able to release much more high-quality fics now without losing momentum, on top of balancing out my real-life priorities. With that said, I suppose we should talk about that will look like?

THE FUTURE

Okay, so I only have one goal for this project next year, that will be more complicated than you think: and that's just to finish Phase 1.

I say that flippantly, but I don't know how long that'll take. Not counting the fic I'm in the middle of, I have two new series to start, three more shortfics I'll be doing, one novella that will be mostly original and one big giant fic at the end that I still don't entirely know what will be like, nor how long it'll turn out to be. Those are a lot of concerns that I need to address early on, so I can then get writing — eh?

If I do have a rough outline, I will say that I think January is going to consist of me finishing War Machine, and February will consist of me completing the entirety of Widowmaker. From there, it's just a steady race to complete one fic at a time, at a reasonable pace, so that you get all these characters and I do as much good with them as I can leading up to The Avengers. This will be made more complicated by the return to work outside of this, which I'm absolutely 100% sure will slow things down at some point — so to that end, all I ask is that you understand when I need to step away for a little bit. I will let you know well in advance like I did last year, so I don't experience too much pressure to deliver.

Of course, the crux of becoming an AO3 author with all these promises I'm making is that I will be definitely getting a lot more attention, and a lot more readers who will be waiting for updates — and that thought both excites and warms me greatly, but also terrifies me a little! Still, if you are reading this and are well invested at this point, you have my eternal gratitude for sticking around and seeing what I'll do next. I started this because I wanted to do it and make these fics happen, but as time moves us further from what spurred me on to do this originally... I no longer just do it because I want to, but also because I know there will be more of you who like, share and engage with my work, and will continue to do so. That is what keeps me going.

So yeah... I'm not gonna stop any time soon. There will be days where it will feel harder to write than others, but every day I get in the chair and get lost in what I'm doing brings me closer to what I'm capable of. Thank you all once again for supporting me this year and brightening up my 2023, and I hope you all love what I'm doing next year! I hope I like it too. *u*

If you have any questions you want to ask about how things went this year that I didn't think of to put here, or have any suggestions for the next year... ask me. I'll answer them to the best of my ability — consider it a cost beneficial transaction that will help the both of us!

And of course, a Happy New Year to you all as well! I'll see you in 2024.

— (M)

#ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #happy new year #spotify wrapped #ao3 wrapped #wrapped 2023

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swampstew · 1 year

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300 followers? Slap my grimoire and call me Raven!

Let me re-introduce myself ~~~ My name is Raven and I am utterly unhinged, and violently obsessed with Eustass Kid. Also I am a witch. And a writer. After I got into One Piece this year, my brain transitioned to pure fixation on my red-hair idiot husband and thus began the many fantasies that would drive me to write two original fanfictions with a colorful cast of characters to ship with my faves. I am unapologetically queer, ethnic and do not tolerate bullying, bigoted or hateful behavior from anyone. This blog is a friendly and safe place for everyone except those who find joy in invalidating the existence of others. Fuck off transphobes, homophobes, terfs and nazis.

You can find all my content, rules, and bio pinned to the top of page and linked here. I hope you enjoy all the bedtime stories, daydreams, headcanons, fluff pieces and other chaotic posts I make. Requests are currently open but PLEASE read my rules before requesting - any asks not abiding by my boundaries will be deleted; minors lurking on my page/posts will be blocked.

Now that you've gotten to know me a little, please allow me a moment to share my two fics that you can find on AO3. Please note: both fics are currently paused for winter break and will resume next year. I will shortly be dropping "Raven's Reading Nook" where I will post snippets of my fics in super cute posts - imagine it like I've invited you to a cozy little reading circle. You can read everything up to the latest chapters if you have a registered AO3 account (fics will be made available to the public again when I resume posting due to AI chaos).

If you’ve enjoyed my writings thus far, I encourage you to check out my fanfictions on AO3 which focus on Eustass “Captain” Kid and the Kid Pirates 90% of the time. Both are mature, explicit content, 18+.

Turn Back Time: Andrea was bored and minding her business trying to sell cookies for bills when Eustass “Captain” Kid buys her entire cart. Little did Kid and the crew know, that that one interaction would suck them into Andrea’s life for a week while they waited for their log pose to reset. And she led an interesting life, alongside her best friend Candy. Two ladies who catch the Captain’s and First Mate’s attention, they have time to kill anyways.

It was both the longest and shortest week of their lives and it can only end in one way - with the women being left behind to save them from a brutal pirates life. A decision they flounder on and abandon as their affections over the silly dames grow. They make the two pirates feel like normal people - not as subordinates and not as citizens in fear of them trying to appease them - two women who found themselves as interested and enamored in the pirates as the pirates found them. Kid and Killer are strong as fuck and their crew is feared and notorious. What’s the worst that could happen?

What’s the Magic Word?: (My OC/self-ship and mostly canon compliant/has spoilers). A Witch named Rowena is the only survivor of the massacre that killed her coven. Enslaved and forced to work for despicable people, her liberation came at the hands of Monkey D. Luffy, her new Captain. Relearning how to function as a free person and living amongst equals instead of masters, her journey gets cut tragically short when the Straw Hat Pirates reach the Sabaody Archipelago.

A prisoner on their ship over a misunderstanding, Rowena is put in the awkward position of having to sail with the Kid Pirates until her crew can meet again - a precarious situation given the way they left Sabaody and the consequences of the Summit War of Marineford.

After earning Captain Kid’s respect with her loyalty to her Captain and her sheer power, the two face dangerous situations together in their journey. Her loyalty and character will be challenged as she is forced to rapidly grow in strength and power in anticipation of her crew’s reunion. Nothing more challenging than the growing attraction between her and Kid. Two years is a long time after all.

#introducing myself #raven's rantings #that's so Raven - yep that's me #swampstew stories #swampstew #turn back time #what's the magic word #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #ao3 works #kid pirates #straw hats pirates #one piece fanfiction #swampstew bedtime stories #swampstew.art #swampstew.daydreams

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masslong · 2 years

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Typeit4me 6 review

#Typeit4me 6 review update#

#Typeit4me 6 review Pc#

up snippets is as quick as using them, and aText gets you started with a few common examples. If you’re interested in reading this book, I’ve attached the affiliate link to Amazon below. By the time you come back to it in a few weeks or months, you won’t recall that the last person had almost exactly the same story, and you’ll feel the same way about the book when I started it: inspired by the peace, quiet, and rough edges of the simplicity of these lives. Read the book a chapter at a time, savor their story, and then give the book a rest. I think there’s a way to read this without getting burned out with the similarity of the stories: don’t read it the way I did. In the end, I felt that I could probably read half the book, and get the same story, only half as many times- is there an editor in the house?

raise their own food/work the land/play music/do aforementioned traditional craft in Japan.

lived in the mountains in Japan where they.

then decided to come back when Tibet/India/Nepal became too modernized, and.

study traditional weaving/traditional calligraphy/traditional religious texts/traditional music,.

The problem for me was, halfway through the book, starting a new chapter, I started to dread the story: the individual as a young person, protested nuclear power/landfill/environmental problems, and decides to go against their families’ advice to: While this is stepping outside the box in America, it’s REALLY stepping outside the box in Japan, and many of these individuals reported strong disapproval from their families. All of these people have opted to step out of the frenetic lifestyle of working, attending school, etc., from sun up to sun down in relentless pursuit of some external goal, for different, probably more authentic goals: time, family, connection with community, art, and slow living.

#Typeit4me 6 review update#

Many of the people are nuclear power protesters, and the book I picked up is a revised edition, with an update on the lives of these people post-Fukushima disaster. The book reflects their lives- poetic, quiet, honest and humble. The idea of the book is to explore the lifestyle and thought process of rural Japanese people, mostly elderly people, and how we might learn from them. Well, if I’m honest with myself, the first half of this book. How lucky we are, those of us following the minimalist ideas of less stuff, simpler lives, to even have this choice! (if you haven’t been there, it’s a fun bookstore- not as much fun as my beloved Politics and Prose, but still great), partly because, like many people with too many first world problems, I’m trying to scale down. I picked this book up at Kramerbooks in D.C. This helps me ensure that I have collected all the data for the week, and get ready for the week ahead with a minimum of trauma. On Sunday, I have a weekly review project that automatically comes up in Things (in two screen shots, since it’s longer than my screen). At night, I complete the 5 minute journal. Throughout the day, I use the daily checklist to help me guide my day. I do this via the DayOne app and a text expander- in this case, Typeit4me. I meditate using the Insight Timer that I blogged about a few weeks ago, and I write a five minute journal entry to help me remember what my priorities are and what I am grateful for. It also reminds me of what my current next steps are for goals, and what I’m working on that week.Įach morning, I get up early, and start my morning ritual, which I’ve made a screen shot of the checklist from the daily project above: I have a Daily project that recurs and keeps me accountable with my daily rituals. I am really glad I did! My method is adapted from one of the users, Tor Rogn. I was recently encouraged to try Things 3, the newly released app on Mac, iPad and iPhone by Cultured Code, from a thread on the Asian Efficiency Dojo website. That’s what reminders and the prompting from my apple watch are for! Right now for me, a combination of apps has really helped me get focused. However, I also travel light being a public transportation commuter, and it’s not as if I want or need to recall my calendar perfectly. I am also aware of all the research regarding how writing things down helps you cement them in your mind.

#Typeit4me 6 review Pc#

I am a Mac user in general, but in my work, PC is the law of the land. Anyway, I have found a combination of apps that are changing my life right now. I consider the difference between planning methods (digital or paper? Mac app or web app? A combination of both?) as carefully as I timed having a family. I admit how much I love planning, technology, apps and the like.

#Typeit4me 6 review

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rumblelibrary · 3 years

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The Diary of Doctor Laszlo Kreizler

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

Synopsis: Alienist’s notes are private, sometimes gruesome, secrets of others and of himself.Those pages belongs to secrecy and decadence, have a glimpse to this world made of drafts, notes, accidents and reflections. Or maybe it is you the only person that should ever reach for it.

While you read this imagine Laszlo mostly at the end of his day, scraping the ideas and the thoughts, adjusting previous notes with additions, closing the day behind himself with a couple of sentences while sitting in his evening robe, a good glass of whiskey and his glasses bridged almost at the tip of his nose. Or maybe imagine yourself, you sneaky thing, reach for it from a far shelf.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: listen, this is the set of ideas and confessions of a man living in the 1890’s. Most of them will be outdated, rough, even deprecating in some analysis of the roles of men, women and social status, religion, etc.So be prepared, my point is to make Laszlo reflect upon those topics, but to be as faithful as I can to his time. Mention of death, mutilation, self harm and sex. Psychologically troubled young children ahead! Author’s note: The story is placed between season 1 and season 2. Thank you for everyone that encouraged me to keep going. I have to wait for my local drop of serotonin to get fully Laszloed to go through this.

Lyra’s Contellation, Illustration taken from Uranographia by Johann Bode

Routine. Routine is comfort. Habit stabilises the character.

If you follow a routine, you won’t ever be victim of imprudence, of evil jokes of fate. The stability earned through calculated and repeated actions brings a sense of fulfilment that forbids other thoughts to come bashing in, breaking rules, breaking hopes that a solid scheduled routine forbids to have. I take my time to begin this week, I planned the things to do, the next steps for the case, the people to meet, the resources I am allowed to contemplate. I feel good, I feel back to myself and the events of the weekend seem far from me and my own perception. I probably got ahead of myself, carried by some instinctual though and random rush of emotion, to be always in contact with the same people and mostly kids probably doesn’t help my stance in the presence of other adults. I feel silly now reading back the last page, I felt tempted to tear it off, but to keep it there should be a small memento of not losing my temper so easily. I read it over and over and I know I am not as charmed as I thought I was. I am just lonely. I have always been and it is normal to face ups and downs even for a man of my age who is more accustomed to it. To desire a partner is a natural instinct, to find somebody attractive is meant by nature, it is the body calling for the natural fulfilment of the reason we are put on this very Earth. But even in a state of nature my own condition would be forbidding me to be part of the natural process of growing my own kind. I am the type of male that would be excluded because of his impossibility to give the protection to the pack, therefore it is just more reasonable to me to adapt to my condition. No matter what my Potentia generandi might be (the ability to procreate).

With all the smugness that characterises him, Niki showed off that he passed my challenge. But to be really of an help to his antics I didn’t show any kind of surprise. I treated him like he did the bare minimum, like he didn’t prove me any kind of superiority. He has a natural attitude toward challenging the figure of power, he is trying to overpower me, but I won’t satisfy his need. I have noticed he has a very technical brain, he finds ways to solve problems in ingenious way and not by throwing himself into the task. I proceeded giving him to work on a clock, an old broken one we had in the institute, one of the kids hit it with a ball years ago and nobody ever worked on repairing it. I gave him the clock, a couple of screwdrivers and a book. He called me a number of German names I won’t transcribe, but it gave me a certain amount of satisfaction. If my intuitions are right, I am sure the clock will be repaired by next week.

Analysis of the victim’s body through John’s eyes. The drawings and sketches are as detailed as I requested, all of this thanks to you joining him. I deal with art critic section, I am used to notice these things. You assure me, you play yourself low and I wonder why, nevertheless you did notice things neither John or I did, which pleased me. It fooled me, distracted me from my purpose to not give in to your witchery, as I leaned closer watching your pale hand move across the pages tracing this or that line, showing how this must be done with the killer on this side and not that side, with words so deliciously elaborate, your way of composing your speech is compelling, you could sell the drawing of a kid like it was a Botticelli. I noticed the shape of your hands, the way you move them, I wonder if you play an instrument, or played, some habits just stick with you through life. I focused on taking notes, your ideas and instructions giving me a new point of view, a new stimulus. What if that is the only way the killer can communicate? Or what if this is the communication that works for him? Could our killer be mute or deaf? Or that’s how society made him feel? This man, or woman, needs a listener and I am afraid that now, since he got our attention and the public’s, he won’t stop. Another killing could be just as close.

Scheduled: meeting with the parents of Alex Garel for new admission, Monday next week at 11 am. Love at first is a fetish and like all fetishes it is based onto an object that hides a deeper meaning, like gloves mean hands, to love at first sight means to see somebody that you think, and think only, to have the chance to share not only a sensual kind of bond, but an intellectual. Love at first sight is based onto not knowing someone well enough, but having the time to idealise most of that someone. I can see why I feel this attraction, using a particular phrase that Sara often mutters when investigating: you tick all the boxes. I know you do, your beauty is everything but conventional, you’re the kind of face that painters would paint and musicians would write hymns about, but any animal on the street would never be allowed to see. You have the grace of the body and the fire in the eyes, and then you speak. When you speak, I realise, you could bring the world to its knees. Also, you never speak out of context, and if you do it is to ease somebody’s position. You do it often with John or with Stevie, you say something really silly in order to put them back to a place of comfort. Some women would call it self deprecating, but I see that you only pick wisely your fights and your wins. You don’t need to earn your peace and quiet by neglecting, but by lifting up the others. I wonder if you do it with me too, if your silences are just you allowing me to be in a better place while instead your judgment is tearing me apart. I shouldn’t care, but I keep wondering, sometimes I take my time to answer you, I analyse every shade, every peculiarity of your question, I am looking for sarcasm, for a condescending voice, for something to hang on and bare you open. To prove myself you’re not perfect. But deep down I know that you do, you judge me and you do well.

Mother never said so. That’s what one of the girls in my care said today. Ursula. She is tough. Skin as thick as an alligator and the tendency to pull her own hair at night or when under a massive amount of stress, enuresis alongside erratic episodes of mutism. I tried the soft approach, it didn’t work. She is too accustomed to be indulged. Therefore today I pushed her a bit overboard, I teased her over opinions on the female body, the female role, she is only 12, but she is soon to bleed, she knows, I can tell from the way she clenches to her skirts, from the way she looks at me as a threatening figure. I am the incarnation of danger to her. Under her steady silence, I pushed a bit more, asking how her mother taught her to be nice and submissive. Does her mother tells her she is going to be a good wife? The phrase, which I reported at the top of the page, surprised me. What is her mother teaching to her then? What closed her so much, locked her soul away, making a small bird like this choose the silence and the retirement of self inflicted pain over, what? Mankind? Or just Men? Is that even a curse? Should I cure her from a truth that her own mother whispered to her ear one night before bed and made a child decide that the world wasn’t a place to share her time with? Am I the man supposed to teach her that men are worth of trust? In the eyes of modern society, who measures its own value over the modesty of the women, she would be a champion, but at what price? I can’t in any way let her parents bring her back home after our recent meetings. Nevertheless, I have to make up my own mind on how to give her troubled soul ease without making her believe in fables. I, as a man, regard myself not worth of any of the trust they expect me to teach her.

In all of my years practicing with people’s feelings and traumas, I challenged myself to find those same traumas within my own mind. It is a tricky game, terrible, anguishing at times. But it straightens me, the pain of others, the pain of kids mostly, so unadulterated and pure, breaks the curtain between me and the lies that I often surround myself with. Pain is made of method, you can open it up, you can scrutinise it, part it piece by piece dividing it in sectors and, partitions, centre part, side part, heart of the problem. Pain is reliable. Happiness is not. It is random, cruelly sudden, unexpected, it washes over you in such deflecting way only to leave you alone a moment after ashamed and alone. I saw you again today. You were in a table full of what I could only guess as your former university colleagues, I saw pain in you, not heavy but constant. Annoyance, a bit of sadness. Your head titling on side and your eyes drifting on the left, you’re imagining something away from them. A place? An object? Or maybe someone? Your hands play circles at the bottom of the flute of your drink like kids do, your smile only one sided. I don’t see you speak at all, only listen. What could keep your voice down? I almost gulped down my own breath as you looked up and I realised how I must have looked. I was having lunch on my own, in a very private table and even entertaining myself with a newspaper on the side. I wish you didn’t, but you came over, your eyes shining. Did I save you? Or maybe I was just a good excuse to leave that painful meeting behind. Don’t be so nice to me, it is not healthy. Don’t look at me like you expect anything more from me than me listening. I won’t smile back at you, I won’t give you care, attentions or thought. I won’t lean for your perfume, I won’t obsess over that dress you wore, that pin that adorned your neckline keeping your undershirt in place, a silver robin, I remember. I won’t remember the number of the buttons on the side of your glove, three. I won’t observe the little moles just under your ear. A small constellation, I later realised, hidden between your ear and the beginning of your neck. I don’t need to check in my books. It is a constellation. It is Lyra. Why? Why you must be like this? Are you the Lyra? Are you the instrument of Orpheus come to me to drag me out of Hell? The Tartarus holds my soul and you should know already, I am not worth the quarter part of Eurydice to be saved and she never came back anyway. I won’t be now recollecting the way your teeth sunk in the inner side of your cheek when you apologised for the annoyance. You apologised twice, I ignored you both times with a raised hand to request peace and silence. I am not letting you in.

Reserved: Tickets for Wednesday’s evening Traviata by Giuseppe Verdi. The guest female lead promises a beautiful show.

Leonardo, as I am learning through Paul Valery essay, is who I would define as a figure of projective identification of the Subject or, to better explain it, of the knowledge of the Subject that formed and grew through the use of sketches in the experience of the Artist. I have always thought that the finest form of art was the representation of knowledge duly undressed by any personal identification. Leonardo, instead, proceeded to represent the figure through the essence of the artist, a representation technically unlimited on objects and symbols and that keep expressing the transformation and development of Leonardo’s own being.Some artists are testimony of the destruction of the world, of the loss of eternal beauty over decadence. And then you have Leonardo, who creates an art that is the gravity of the world’s system, of the nature, of thoughts and abstractions. I wonder if our killer does the same, if the way they presents the victim through their own personal view, if what we can read there it is their stories, their pains, their needs. Their happiness and troubles. What are they trying to tell me? I need to know, I need to know to save a life, of course, but I also need to know to be able to sleep at night. Hair, hair are the epitome of femininity in any era. I keep studying Ursula and her habit to pull the. I took notes on it: she picks them by the bottom, slowly separates them until she gains an amount her mind defines satisfactory and then she rolls her finger and pulls, she does it until her finger is empty and there are no hair left. I find her process incredibly interesting. In men’s case the display of physical attributes is not as vital, a beard can be appreciated but does not modify the power of seduction of a grown man. On the contrary, for women hair are a vital part of their attractiveness toward the opposite sex, society sees the hair of a woman as part of their vital characteristics, also in ancient times for a woman to cut her hair or have her hair cut was a sign of deep separation from the society. Only heroines or whores wore that mark and the association of the two is so rooted into the way society always parted the role of a woman in two that it is nauseating to think of. I am still fearing to let Ursula go away, the repulsion that she is showing toward her own body makes it difficult even for me to crack her shell open as a man, but my deepest worry is when that hate will take a scarier and deeper tool on her. How a girl with such a fear of what her body can do, like sex or pregnancy, can endure in the future to have an husband? Or even to be courted by anyone?

John is helpless and I admire him for that. He doesn’t hide it, he just is. He is vulnerable and exposed, he is an open well bursting with doubts and feelings and troubled waters. He is genuine in a way I could never be. Maybe that’s why I despise even more him talking about you, how he sees you every morning, how you greet everybody, how you behave even with interns, how you like your coffee. Your talents, your wits, how you said this and acted like that and reasoned through him. How you forbid him to drink even when he felt tempted. How you stayed late over to help him collect all the informations I requested him to get. To him. Not to you. The evil demon of envy scratching in the back of my head screaming like a siren out in the sea, he demands to be heard, he demands to be allowed a part in this game. I won’t allow him that. I won’t allow myself any of that. This is a pure game of chess, if I give in a pawn now, I will lose my knight, and I know it. I advice him to not be so closed minded when he praises you, only to get surprised by the charms of a natural logical mind. I find a way to hurt him, he is an easy target, I look at him as his eyebrows twitch and he summons his patience on me. He lost the plot about you already, his bruised pride taking over. You won’t come into my life.

“Un dì, felice, eterea, mi balenaste innante, e da quel dì tremante vissi d'ignoto amor.” (“On a day, happy and ethereal, you appeared in front of me and from that day, trembling, I lived on an unknown love”)

The words of Alfredo in the first act of the Traviata keep running through me, a chant that won’t let me go, almost painful. The Opera House, that was my hiding place, a place where in plain sight I could let out myself, unleash. The catharsis of the characters involved running through me, I didn’t need anything but their voices and those musical instruments to let out my fears, doubts and anger. When Alfredo came to the scene tonight, the lights were strong and slightly pinkish, the performer bursting out of the seams with passion. My eyes diverted only to see you there. Alone. Those blinding lights gave you the the radiance of a vision singing the notes of greek myths and heroes, that dark blue evening clothing rang through my eyes like it was a bright yellow, the little shiny details that adorned you so clear against the heavy lighting to look like transparent pieces of water collected to adorn your beauty. I wasn’t me, but Alfredo, and I was helpless against you sitting so far and yet too close from me. I was naked in front of thousands. I am aware of the effect you have on me and our last conversation was barely regarded as one. This is infatuation, this is the pure work of a lonely mind and not something worth of any of all the words that I am dissipating here. Yet. I saw you cry at the climax of the opera, Violetta, the protagonist, heartbroken falling on stage consumed by pain and regret for her lost love and ultimate sacrifice. Your eyes shone as you tried to hide the tears and collect yourself. Through my binoculars, I saw your throat tremble and gulp down something more than just a sigh of pain. Your jaw clenched, your gloved hand moves to hide your shaking lips. I reckon, I have never seen such sad lips look more inviting. You look at the wall on your side breathing through your nose and not even that can save you by the strength of the voice of the soprano. You’re defeated and so you brought a fine silk handkerchief to your eyes, your shoulders bent inward in self defence. The Opera won. It won you like it always wins me. I wonder if you felt like this because of a past lover, somebody that broke your heart and made you feel wrong in any way. And because of that little wonder it is even more clear to me why I am a man worth of no trust. Because for a moment, I know, I wished to be the one that broke your heart. That gave you just the pain you’re inflicting on me so mercilessly by offering intoxicating kindness and beauty. To own your thoughts, tears and shame. To be the one man you have to look away from. I want to own all of that and, maybe, I will be freed of you the day you’ll be just another human being that hates Dr Laszlo Kreizler.

Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief @thesunflowersutra @zemomybeloved @fictionlandslanddreams @charistory @greeneyedblondie44 @apparrio @hb8301 @whatawildone

Let me know if you want to get tagged too <3

#the diary of doctor laszlo kreizler #dr laszlo kreizler #laszlo kreizler #dr laszlo kreizler x reader #dr laszlo kreizler imagine #dr laszlo kreizler x you #laszlo kreizler x reader #laszlo kreizler headcanons #thealienist #the alienist fanfic #the alienist fanfiction

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nymphigeon · 3 years

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From me, to you || 07

♤ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

♤ Genre: fluff, angst, romance, hybrid au, hybrid!Taehyung, detective!reader

♤ Words: 2.5k

♤ Rating: PG-13

♤ Warnings (for this chapter): Mentions of hybrid abuse, swearing.

♤ A/N: Surprise! I'm really sorry it took me this long, but I finally found the time and drive to write again :) Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Synopsis: A story in which he has never known love, so you’ll give it to him.

Series masterlist

06 07

"What do you mean this hybrid doesn't exist?"

Her eyes are wavering with an unspoken fear, perhaps caused by the bitterness my questions holds. I'm not happy, and she knows.

“It’s just, the chance that a dangerous breed such as the tiger hybrid would escape our system is basically zero..” The gaze she held on the computer screen unsurely moves my way. My expression must've instilled another layer of anxiety to the already existing one, as her mouth abruptly stops moving and her pupils dilate.

“Go on, explain.” The tone of my voice softens a bit as I notice her visible discomfort worsening. Even if there is no way that I’ll get any information from this place regarding Taehyung and his owner, I would still like to know why they’re both not showing up here.

Eun-ji takes a few deep breaths to stabilize her voice. As she does her posture slowly relaxes just a little and her eyes lose some of the nervousness they held before. “Because the first ‘successful’ tiger hybrid ran rampant after killing their creator, anyone who still breeds or creates them is being watched very closely by us, as well as by some other institutions.”

Perhaps it’s my lack of reaction that causes her to trail off at the end. Though I’m not judging her or her story, unlike she may think. To encourage her to continue, I give her a nod, tilting my head to show interest.

“The regular citizen isn’t even allowed to have one, needing special training to handle them. It’s like that for most hybrids that find their origins in wild animals. Creating tiger hybrids obviously requires a lot of knowledge when it comes to playing with genes and breeding them…. Well there are only three organization that are authorized to do so. All the resulting hybrids are registered and chipped.”

The explanation, which turns out to be a lengthy one, gets broken by a shuddering breath leaving her lips. She composes herself, clinging on to the little confidence she has left in her line of work to speak about the rest of her clarification.

“Of course people have tried to do it themselves, but those d.i.y operations have always ended in disappointment. If not taken proper care of, with substances only a board certified hybrid doctor can provide you, the pregnancy will fail. These are no easy practices they are dealing with.”

After the girls’ last words I give myself some time to think, letting a silence full of tension fill the room. It must be obvious that my mind is somewhere else at the moment, as the other girl in the room does her best to stay quiet. I don’t need much time however, my thoughts having quickly rearranged themselves as they were trained to do.

“So what you’re saying is, since tiger hybrids are hard to ‘create’, if you will, there are only a few people who actually manage to bring them to life. And so those few people are kept under close watch, as are the hybrids they successfully wake, am I correct?”

Eun-ji nods affirmatively, clearly happy that I seem to understand the situation. “So there is absolutely no way that someone without authorization has had a decent attempt at either genetically merging a human together with a tiger or getting a tiger hybrid pregnancy to be successful?”

Perhaps there might be a bit of scepticism in the question I asked, as her attitude immediately changes into a defensive one. “There is not! Whatever hybrid you’re searching for either gave you a false identity or is not a tiger hybrid at all, which would seem rather unlikely. I told you they get chipped right? Why not go look into that.”

“He doesn’t have one. We already had a hospital take a look at him, they didn’t find anything. ” The statement seems to shock her, the gears in her head instantly turning as to find an answer to this riddle. She however can’t seem to get one.

“They can be removed, can they not? They’re just under the skin. If someone decided to just cut it out they could. Terrifying, but plausible. Either that or one of your faithful authorized employees has been leaking information to outsiders.”

This is where Eun-ji seems to give up. Her shoulders sagging and a heavy sigh leaving her lips. “There would still be the problem of the missing equipment, test subjects, practice… How would you even get hold of fertilized human eggs to play around with? But I guess that wouldn’t be totally impossible. As for cutting it out… There would be a noticeable scar. The implants are always put in the same place, it wouldn’t be hard to miss.”

I make a mental note stating to ask Taehyung about all of this when I get back. If anyone knows how he got onto this world it would be him. “Is there a possibility that you could have someone look into it?” The girl nods in defeat, paying more attention to the ground than to anything else. “I’ll see if I can get someone on the case. I’ll have them contact you if we know anything.”

After those words she turns around in her chair, facing the monitor that had already put itself into sleep, and turns it off. Taking a notepad out of the drawer to her left, she quickly writes something down with the pen from her breast pocket. “I’ll get on it right away. Would you like me to walk you back to the exit?”

I shake my head. “No It’s okay, I’ll find my way back. Thank you for cooperating.” Eun-ji gives me a small smile, followed by a bow and walks out of the room taking the note with her, presumably immediately keeping herself busy with the extra work. Not wanting to waste any time I copy her, walking myself back into the direction we came from. Turns out it proves quite easy to find the exit by myself.

It’s already far past dinnertime when I make it back to the office. Not many of my colleagues have remained in their seats, most of them opting for a nice meal with their families. The few that have stayed behind are mostly known to live alone, quite like myself.

I quietly knock on my supervisor’s door, but when no response emerges from within the room, I can safely deduce that she too has already returned home. “I’ll have to write her a report about today later..” I mutter to myself, before stepping away from the door and instead heading to the cells at the back.

Technically the arrest period had already ended for Taehyung, as the law wouldn’t allow us to keep him locked up for any longer without any charges being held against him. His cell however technically was never locked and so even now, he is free to go wherever he wants. Though it didn’t change the fact that he still has no place to go to.

“Good evening. Had anything to eat yet?” He just chose to stay here and we accepted it. “Oh, hello! Yes, that tall handsome bulky man gave me something earlier, I can’t remember his name. He said something about it ‘being the best shit in town’.”

I slightly giggle at his quote, knowing immediately who it belongs to. “That definitely sounds like something Namjoon would say. What did he give you?”

Taehyung looks a lot better than he did yesterday. The stress of the interrogation seems to have completely worn off, instead traded for the sweet bouncy personality he used to show around me.

“Umm it was something in the shape of a circle and it had meat all over it… Oh! I think he called it a pizza? It was delicious!”

“You’ve never had pizza before?” The words leave my mouth before I actually get the chance to process them, causing me to instantly regret ever even opening my mouth. These days are stressful enough for him as they are, he doesn’t need a painful reminder of the life he never got to live on top of that.

The question doesn’t seem to hit him as hard as I though it would though. In fact, his demeanour doesn’t seem to change at all. Although sadly, it doesn’t make his next words any less painful. “Nope! When I first got adopted all they would feed me was wet cat food. It wasn’t great, but at least I got my three meals a day. The foster family I stayed at after my first owners mysteriously disappeared didn’t actually have the money to even take proper care of themselves, so at that time all I would get was whatever was left of their dinner that day, if there was even any left. It was mostly just greens. The lack of meat made me real sick at the time.”

He pauses talking for a second to look up at my face through the metal bars. The content look on his face quickly changes to one of worry once he catches my eyes. It’s no mystery why, I know I look at him pitifully. Even if he may not wish for my concern, I am only human. I can perfectly hide it when I need to, but this is not one of those cases.

“There it is again, that sad look on your face…” He sits up straight on the side of his bed to fully observe me, a tilt of his head giving him away. I send a sad chuckle his way as I reach for the door of his enclosure, inviting myself into the small space with him. He doesn’t object.

“Is it that obvious?” It was meant more as a way to lighten the mood, not as an actual question that needs answering. He still does however, giving me a simple slow nod. “You don’t need to feel bad for me.”

“Someone has to. You deserve at least that much.”

There’s a chair neatly placed under a small desk in the room. It used to be quite lively, with all kinds of bright colours blending into each other. It was a little positive additive into the dark grey room, but after all the anger that has been acted out on it, it no longer has that same shine.

I pull the chair out to place myself upon it, straddling the seat while I rest my arms on top of the back rest. Facing the tiger I use my arms as a pillow to lean my head on, making myself comfortable on the creaking furniture.

“Say, Taehyung, do you remember anything from when and where you were formed?”

He seems slightly taken aback at first, though quickly regains his composure. He also doesn’t immediately answer, first taking some time to think before coming back to me. “I was born a hybrid to two purebred tiger hybrids. They did their best trying to care for me in the little time we got to spend together, but seeing as it happened on a breeding farm getting to spend time with my parents wasn’t the plan. I got sold off pretty quickly, as soon as I learned to hold my first few full conversations.”

“Do you… Would you happen to know what happened to the farm? To your parents?” I fail to hide my apprehensiveness, needing too much space to form a careful approach. This shouldn’t feel like an interrogation to him, I never even announced one. There is little reason for him to answer me, the vital information from his side has already been given anyway. Nonetheless, even though I probably shouldn’t be doing this right now, I can’t just miss this opportunity.

“I heard my adoptive family talking about how the place was burnt down a while later. Most likely the police had caught a hold of it and they had to delete their left behind evidence. Both building and hybrids.”

Despite talking about the death of his parents, he seems to tell the story with relative ease. Probably not having much connection with the far past, his brain too young to truly hold on to the memory of them.

“They were successful too, as the case got dropped faster than lightning. It wasn’t long before the general public forgot about it too, believing it was just another misunderstanding. Besides, hybrid lives weren’t as important anyway.”

The amount of rights hybrids had when they were first created back in the day were close to zero, only strictly being seen as objects to show off whatever possible wealth one may have had. For a while there was even a popular theory going around that hybrids didn’t actually have the ability to feel any kind of emotion or pain. The genetic puzzle wouldn’t allow for it, as it had been tampered with to an extreme extent. This only built on the carelessness shown towards them, slowly chipping away at their sanity.

Although the rumours were wrong, they came from a place of truth. Facial expressions were rare for hybrids, as was the ability to speak. Most of them couldn’t even keep up with regular humans, exhaustion quickly taking over the little anger they could show. Scientists hadn’t yet quite figured out how to perfectly combine the pieces of genetic code and so hybrids were more like living dolls in the eyes of evil humans. Having no voice to object and barely any means to actually hurt anyone, it wasn’t much of a surprise the selfish nature in humans came to rise.

Luckily, or depending on how you look at it, sadly, these first generation hybrids were never able to reproduce. The doll like hybrid features eventually died out with the rise of the newly perfected pieces and the theory was debunked by a group of scientist who actually did care about the hybrids’ wellbeing. Those hybrids had lived through countless punishments, and every single one of them had hurt. A lot.

Right now hybrids in a lot of ways are superior to the rest of us. Having the combined senses of both animal and human alike, society has reluctantly given up on trying to contain them. They are still to be bought and owned, but no longer to be treated like dirt. The smartest of hybrids have even already gotten complete freedom to do as the please, no longer having to be bound to a human to roam freely. However, those unable to pass the close to impossible tests aren’t so lucky.

“I’m sorry about what happened.”

Taehyung gives me a reassuring wave of his hand, effectively trying to lighten the mood, along with a sad smile. It wouldn’t take a trained professional to know he still longs for his parent’s presence, even if he may do well hiding it.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.”

That doesn’t make the situation more okay, but I hold my remarks back. For now, that might just be for the best.

Taglist

@suhappysuho @intellectualxprincess @sana-b @littlewolfieposts @nellaphine @the8luvr @deathkat657 @elenaramos1 @namjoonies-dimple

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jimintopia · 3 years

Text

prettiest of them all (1)

genre: college!au, s2l!au, fluff, angst?

pairing: jimin x reader

summary: you're nothing special, just an ordinary girl who's just trying to get through college... but an angelic boy with honey colored eyes thinks you're the most beautiful flower he's ever laid his eyes on.

word count: 1.5k

chapter warnings: swearing (mostly jungkook lmao)

a/n: oh gosh i'm so nervous,, this started out as a tiny drabble i wrote out on the back of my bio notebook in january and two weeks ago i sorta revived the idea lmao. i hope you enjoy this little series of mine!

this fic was made possible by @latetaektalk (thank you so much for those helpful tips! i spent a lot of time formatting and reformatting this post and editing the fic, and your advice helped a lot with that!) and @chimchiekookie (thank you for your encouragement and kind words! you gave me the courage to post, tysm kira). also, to @yuvi-with-luv and @meiadore for just being! i love u crackheads; oKAY that was really long so i'll let you get to the fic oops haha

[series masterlist - main masterlist - next]

(1) only time will tell.

College is not easy. But sharing an apartment with Jeon Jungkook is an entirely new level of difficulty.

“Goodness,” you mutter, stepping around the books and pens scattered on the floor of the living room, your roommate’s half-asleep body slumped across the couch. You can’t even get to the kitchen without tripping over something of his. “Couldn’t you have cleaned up before dozing off? What an idiot.”

“I heard that,” he mumbles drowsily, yawning. “The idiot is clearly you, Y/N. Who the fuck signs up for an eight A.M. lecture on Mondays? Something’s obviously wrong with you.”

That earns him an apple to the head, before you remember it’s supposed to be your to-go breakfast and quickly scramble to retrieve it.

“It’s mandatory,” you tell him. “Can’t graduate without taking it, so I might as well suffer. Psychology majors go to hell anyway, so I signed up knowing what I was getting myself into.” You give your best friend a once-over as he stretches, still on the couch. “You have fun sleeping in, Jeon, but by the time I get back I want you showered and ready for a proper brunch. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he rolls his eyes, but you know he enjoys your routine outings as much as you do. Ever since you met in your second year of high school, it became a little tradition of yours to regularly meet up for lunch on the weekends — and that turned into basically each mealtime once you got to college. “Just go, you’re going to be late. Those tiny legs of yours are gonna have a hard time running all the way to 808. We’re not even on campus.”

“Excuse you?! I’m 5’6”!”

“Y/N,” he sighs, shaking his head pitifully. “That’s like, four inches shorter than me. But nice try.”

Both of you exchange an annoyed glare, but deep down, you’re having your fun bantering with him. It’s a trademark of your relationship, one of the many things you appreciate him for. No one you have met so far could match your sharp tongue as well as Jungkook.

“I do not have time to argue with you right now, Kook.” You glance at the clock, quickly slipping your feet into battered sneakers. “There are leftovers in the fridge — by the way, remember to lock the door if you don’t want Taehyung to visit unannounced again — and I left a carton of banana milk on the bottom shelf, right next to the ketchup. Oh! I did your laundry last night; there’s a pile in your room that you just need to fold and put away. Anything else I’m forgetting?”

“You just dumped my clothes in my room? On the floor?”

You narrow your eyes at him playfully. “Wrong answer, Jeon.”

“Oh, fine.” Jungkook rolls his eyes, ruffling your hair affectionately. “Thank you, Y/N. Now please just go already.”

“Dumbass,” you return, grinning. “I’ll be back soon. I'll bring Taehyung over if I run into him!”

He’s already closed your front door, but you can still hear his shout of protest from the other side, causing you to burst into incessant giggles: “Don’t you fucking dare!”

By some kind of miracle, you actually get to the lecture hall approximately a minute early. You and Jungkook don’t live on campus, but your apartment is pretty close — walking gets you to class in ten minutes, and if you run, you’ll arrive much quicker.

“Yeoreum!” you greet your friend with a whisper as you walk in, tossing your apple core into the small trash can. “You’re actually early for once!”

“Blame Hoseok,” she grumbles as you sit down next to her. “Dumbass woke me up at five in the morning to go run with him, Y/N. Five o’clock. The asshole’s dead to me from now on.”

“That sucks,” you sympathize, but you know she’ll always give in to her twin brother — the two of them are inseparable, as much as she likes to complain about him. “But hey, at least you got your coffee fix!”

Yeoreum lifts the half-empty cup before taking a long sip, a small smile adorning her features. “Also courtesy of Hoseok,” she admits. “He causes a lot of arguments, but at least he knows how to solve them. I like to think I’ve trained him well.”

“I wish I had a sibling,” you sigh wistfully. “A brother, maybe. Or a sister, I wouldn’t really mind. It must be nice always having someone else who understands you.”

“Y/N, you live with Jungkook,” she points out. “He’s basically the brother you’ve wanted your entire life. He has been since we were fifteen.”

“I know, but it’s different. I didn’t grow up with him. Plus, he’s more annoying than a sibling could ever be.”

“And he’s hot as hell.”

“Yeoreum,” you scold quietly, bringing out your laptop for the start of the lecture. “You think everyone you meet is hot. Regardless of whether they’re actually a decent human being or not. That’s probably why you always end up dating assholes who don’t deserve you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she waves you off, not quite meeting your eyes. “Chill, Y/N, I’m not interested. The boy’s just insanely attractive. Can’t I call someone attractive without wanting to get with them?”

You lean over to say something to her, but the entire class quiets down suddenly, so silent that you could hear even the softest whisper.

Professor Ahn strides in with an authoritative air, several books in her arms, followed by a boy whom you’ve never seen in this class before. A new student, perhaps? Or maybe he just transferred departments. You never know — it’s certainly not too late to switch out.

The professor tells him something quickly and he nods, before jogging up the stairs and hastily sliding into the seat right next to you. In fact, it all happens so quickly that you’re still buffering, trying to process what just happened. Instinctively, you move a little closer to Yeoreum.

“Goddamn,” she breathes, eyes wide in surprise. “Y/N, he’s so fine.”

Okay, so that was a bad choice. But the thing is, she’s not wrong.

The guy doesn’t speak to or look at you once during the entire lecture, totally dedicated to typing up everything Professor Ahn is saying — but you can’t help but check him out from the corner of your eye every few minutes. The blond hair is, surprisingly, a very good look on him, and the way the corner of his mouth is always turned upward makes you incredibly curious. What the hell is there to be happy about such an early class?

Ten minutes before you can finally get out of that stuffy hall, there’s a light tap on your right shoulder, startling you. You turn your head around so fast your vision nearly blurs, taking a second to steady again. “Huh?”

The new guy is tentatively smiling at you, like he’s gauging your response. “Hi,” he says, a little hesitant. “Um — do you have a black pen I can borrow? Mine just gave up on me mid-word and I didn’t bring any extra.” You glance over to his side of the bench: sure enough, the last few letters of the word ‘extension’ are so faded out, you can barely see them.

All of your pens are either blue or red, but Yeoreum quickly passes you one of her black-ink fountain pens under the bench, nodding at you in silent understanding. “Here,” you offer it to him, watching the adorable way his face lights up when you hand it to him.

“Thank you! You’re a lifesaver,” he says, quickly scribbling something down. “I can’t fathom using any ink color other than black, it just… doesn’t make sense to me.”

Well, you could type up a whole argument against that, but you hold your tongue for the time being. Instead, you peek over at his notebook curiously, trying to see what he’s so engrossed in writing down. You catch sight of a name printed neatly on the top left corner of the page, and you squint so you can see it better.

Park Jimin. You let it rest in your mind for a moment. It’s a beautiful name, and though you don’t know exactly what it means, you’re sure it would roll right off your tongue if you were to say it aloud.

“I’m Jimin,” he says, right on cue as he returns the pen and you not-so-discreetly pass it to Yeoreum again. “What about you?”

“Y/N.” For some reason, you’re struggling both to find something to say and maintain some kind of calm. You don’t know why he’s making your heart beat faster, only that he is.

“That’s a nice name.” Jimin smiles, and it’s breathtaking. His eyes form little crescents as he beams at you — you! — and for just one second, you can’t think of anything else. A silly crush, you chide yourself, averting your gaze from his face. A few days and it’ll leave on its own.

You want to be right, and you might be wrong, but you have no idea, no way of knowing what the future holds. It’s like they always say — only time will tell.

taglist [please send an ask if you would like to be added!] : @meiadore @chimchiekookie @eyecandy5644 @chubsjmin

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#jimin x reader #jimin college au #jimin strangers to lovers #jimin fluff #bts fanfic #kpop fanfic #angst?#park jimin #bts s2l au #jimintopia

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ncssian · 3 years

Text

A Favor: Part Eleven

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: first chapter after acosf!! im sorry for how short this one is, but acosf wrecked me and writing this put me back together. i hope it does something similar for you ❤️

***

“You say you’ve been doing better lately?”

The therapist’s office is plain, a little gloomy, but big windows overlook the center of town that make Nesta feel less suffocated.

She nods, “Yeah.”

“How would you describe ‘better’?” Dr. Bond— Lana, she insists on being called— has been endlessly patient with Nesta’s non-answers so far. Nesta almost feels bad and decides to throw the woman a rope.

“I’m not alone anymore,” she says. “I used to be alone all the time, but now I have friends, sort of… and a boyfriend.” She still loves that word. It’s never tasted so exciting before.

“You were always alone before this, then? Or were there just people that you didn’t consider noteworthy?”

A scowl rises to Nesta’s mouth. Damn, she works quick. “I was raised with two sisters in a one-bedroom apartment. I never got to be alone, but then I grew up, and…” Her mind wants to skip over the time she spent in college. “For the last couple of years, I holed up in my own place. Never wanted to talk to anybody or see them. If people took an interest in me, I shut them down because I didn’t have an interest in them.”

“You missed a few years,” Lana notes.

“What?”

“You’re twenty-four, and you moved out at eighteen. Where were you before getting your own place?”

Numbness seeps through Nesta at the question. She knows she can ask Lana to change the topic, but that will only bring it back later. “I had a boyfriend in college,” she says flatly. “I lived with him for a few years, but like you said, it isn’t noteworthy.”

“As a fellow lone wolf, I disagree.” Lana’s clinical polite face is unchanging. “Any person who you trust enough to let into your life is noteworthy.”

Nesta says nothing.

“I’m interested in these people you’ve chosen to trust,” her therapist continues after a beat of silence. “Why don’t we start with whoever you trust most?”

Nesta snorts. This she can talk about.

“His name is Cassian. I’ve been living with him ever since my apartment got flooded a couple of months ago, and he’s always been a good friend to me.” She sits there, thinking about what else to say. “I think I like him more than I’ve ever liked anybody.”

“This is the new boyfriend?”

Nesta nods.

“Do you compare him to the old one?”

Nesta doesn’t know what this lady’s angle is, but she answers carefully, “I used to. Back when I first moved in. I haven’t done it in a long time, though.”

“Why not?”

The answer is simple. “There’s no need to. He’s not comparable to anybody.”

“Is that why you opened up to him after two years of self-imposed isolation?”

Nesta looks away. “It wasn’t isolation,” she defends. “It’s just… after a lifetime of being subjected to the gaze of strangers, I wanted to hide. I liked hiding.” Mostly.

“What does that mean, the gaze of strangers?”

Question after cool question, this one. Nesta struggles to find a proper answer.

“You know how,” she starts slowly, “as soon as you start school, you’re placed into this bubble with a bunch of people who don’t know you and have no reason to care about you? There’s a shift in how you view people, and how people view you. And I thought I could leave it behind once I graduated high school, but it followed me to college and to parties and into everyday interactions.”

“What is it?”

“It’s this—” Nesta waves her hands, “judgment. It’s that thing you do as soon as you meet someone, and you try to determine whether they’re worth your time or not. Whether they’re above or below you in this made-up social hierarchy in your head.”

“Explain that more,” Lana says.

“We want to hang around people we find cool. And when we meet someone new, we inspect them, look them up and down, to see if they fit our definition of cool. We take them apart. Everyone does it, even you. And with me,” she shrugs, “I’m pretty, I wear the right clothes, I do my makeup. So at first glance, people think, ‘Oh, I can see myself getting to know her better. I can see myself liking her.’ But then they take a closer look at me, and it’s like…” Her fingers flutter in the air, trying to support her thoughts. “I can see their minds changing. ‘Nevermind, I was wrong. Nevermind, there’s something off with her. She’s a little quiet, a little weird, a little bitchy.’”

Lana narrows her eyes. “And Cassian doesn’t look at you like that?”

Nesta looks away. “He doesn’t look at anyone like that.”

It’s what used to make her so uncomfortable about him. She was incapable of fathoming his honesty, his genuineness, his kindness. She thought he was even weirder than her for it— she placed him beneath her on her social hierarchy for it.

Lana frowns thoughtfully. “And now you two live together?”

Nesta nods, then shrugs. “For the next twenty-four hours, we do. He’s helping me move back into my old place.”

Because that was another conversation she and Cassian had on Thanksgiving night. It was a long time coming, but also the perfect time.

“You’re saying your apartment has been ready for weeks? Why are you just telling me now?”

Nesta pillowed her face on his chest, not as upset at revealing the news as she would have been some days ago. “Because I was scared that if I moved out, I would lose my friendship with you.”

“That never would have happened—”

“We wouldn’t see each other every day anymore. Even if we didn’t go back to being complete strangers, the closeness would be lost.”

“You must not know me, then. I would’ve texted you every fucking hour. You’d never hear the end of me.”

“I couldn’t guarantee that back then.” She looked up at him through her lashes. “I can now.” She crawled higher up his body, lowering her voice to a secretive pitch. “Want to know why?”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because you’re mine now. And that’s what I was waiting for while I made Lorene hold that shitty empty apartment for me. I was waiting for a catalyst, a revelation.” She pressed a kiss to his sternum. “And I most definitely got it.” The pleasant ache between her legs was proof enough. “Also,” she added, “it would be weird if you lived with your girlfriend before even having a first date with her.”

Cassian huffed a laugh. “You have a point there. We have been moving backwards, haven’t we?”

Nesta nodded into his skin.

He got a little quiet. “Still,” he said after a moment. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll see me every day. I’ll be fifteen minutes away.”

“I’ll still miss you.”

“I know.”

“What does talking about guys have to do with my therapy?” Nesta squirms, getting restless with the topic.

“Lots of things,” Lana says, putting down her notepad. “It gets you comfortable with expressing your feelings to me, and it teaches me about how you view the world. Besides, therapy isn’t just a rehashing of past traumas, you know. We can talk about whatever you want here, especially if it makes you feel good.”

“Well, I want to talk about something else.” She’s not spending this much money by the hour just to talk about how much she likes Cassian— she can go to Cassian for that for free.

“Like what?” Lana asks smoothly.

She’s offering an opening, finally, to the real reason that Nesta’s here.

Nesta pulls at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, wondering where to start. “I feel like I’ve been growing up lately,” she says carefully. “I have all these new people in my life to be responsible for, and I’m— I want to do it right. But I’m worried I won’t have room for new things until I pack up some of my old shit, so that’s why I’m here, I guess. I don’t want to hold on to all of my old shit anymore.”

At Lana’s encouraging silence, she continues, “I spent my whole life stuck in a suffocating town, and as soon as I left, I got stuck in a relationship. By the time I knew what freedom felt like, I— I’d been left behind. Everyone I knew was moving onto bigger things and all I had was this shitbag of a past. So I got a new place and started law school and called it a fresh start, but now I’m here and I’m not sure if I ever got better.”

She takes a sharp breath after everything that’s spilled.

Lana purses her lips, letting the room absorb Nesta’s words. After a long moment, she says, “Just because bad things stop happening to someone, doesn’t mean they instantly get better. It’s a good thing that you’re recognizing that before stepping into new relationships, Nesta.”

Lana glances at the clock on the wall. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, but this was a productive first session.” She offers a small smile. “Same time next week?” She says it as if it isn’t already a done deal.

Nesta nods gratefully anyway, unable to say anything else. As soon as she’s out the door, a pent-up sigh escapes her. That wasn’t so bad.

***

Later that night, Nesta doesn’t miss Cassian’s wistful stare as he takes down the painting he got her from the fall festival. Nor does she miss how slowly he packs it away.

Once the bedroom she made her home is as sparse as the day she moved in, all her things packed away neatly in boxes, Nesta wraps her arms around Cassian and pulls him to the bed. There, she lets him hold her close, their breaths and limbs intertwining as they lie in thoughtful silence.

“I can’t believe I’ll never see this room again,” Nesta says quietly.

Cassian’s eyes widen in alarm. “What do you mean, never again?”

“I’ll be staying in your room whenever I visit, remember?” Her underwear already occupies a drawer in his closet.

Cassian visibly relaxes when he remembers, then smiles. “Right. Of course.”

She lets herself sink deeper into his embrace. “I just realized you’ve never seen my apartment before.” He was waiting at the front door of Lorene’s place while Nesta collected her things all those weeks ago, but she cringes at the thought of him visiting now. The clear wealth gap between her and Cassian doesn’t usually show, but it’ll be undeniable with the cramped room she calls an apartment. “Maybe it’s best if I move back in without your help. There might not even be space there for your huge body.”

“Sounds more appealing by the minute.” He’s not joking. He tilts up Nesta’s chin so she’s forced to meet his eyes. “I can’t wait to start partaking in your life the way you took over mine. Spending nights at your place, meeting your friends, riding in your car instead of mine.”

Nesta swallows.

“I’m gonna miss you like hell, but it’ll be for the best.”

He’s right: this is what’s best for their budding relationship right now. Moving out, creating even a little bit of distance— all of it is so they can finally learn each other as lovers instead of roommates. So when they do come back together, which Nesta firmly believes they will, it’ll be stronger than ever before.

Some of their shared sadness flits away at the truth of it. She only places her hand on his cheek, content to appreciate this view— this beautiful, hazel-shaded view— without further chitchat or goodbyes.

Cassian is not as fond of the silence. “I need to tell you something,” he says seriously after a few minutes.

After only a handful of days dating Cassian, Nesta knows what he’s going to say. “Don’t,” she warns, unamused.

He grins conspiratorially and leans in even closer, until their mouths are almost brushing. “You’re my everything, Nesta.”

“Oh my god, stop it.” She squirms out of his hold and gets up, tossing the blankets off herself.

“No, come back!” He makes a grab for her sleeve. “We have to use the bed one last time—”

But she’s already running off.

***

Cassian carefully arranges the canvas painting on the wall, taking a step back to determine if it’s hanging straight. The ruby and amber leaves of the landscape stand out against the dull teal walls of Nesta’s basement apartment, but he’s just getting started.

The rest of Nesta’s things are half-unpacked from their cardboard boxes, but instead of going for the important shit first, he finds the box he specifically marked FAVES in bold letters the night before.

While Nesta wrangles to get her clothes back into her old closet in the background, Cassian crouches and rips open the small box. There, lying atop his girlfriend’s favorite trinkets and personal items, is the framed photo he snuck in without her noticing.

It’s of the two of them at the fall festival, taken mere hours before their first kiss. Nesta is pressed up close to Cassian (her excuse being that it was cold), and a genuine light fills her eyes, one that Cassian never thought he’d be able to capture on camera. Cassian himself isn’t looking at the camera, but down at Nesta with wind-flushed cheeks and a distant smile. Making sure she’s having a good time, that she truly wants to be there with him in that moment.

He never realized how close they looked in that picture until he had it printed and framed, not long after Nesta announced she was moving out. He can’t believe he didn’t see it sooner.

Standing up, he places the photo on Nesta’s wooden dresser. Nesta still has her head in the closet, moving things around, but Cassian makes no announcement of his gift to her. She’ll notice it sooner or later.

He clears his throat. “Wanna take a break and order Chinese?”

Nesta pops her head out of the closet, her ponytail ruffled and eyes narrowed at him. “Have you even been helping this whole time?”

“Standing here and looking pretty is harder than it seems, but I don’t expect any credit from you,” he jokes. “Just let me buy you lunch.”

Nesta grumbles something he chooses not to hear, but straightens up and rubs her spine with a wince. “I need a fucking chiropractor,” she mutters.

Guilt shoots through Cassian at that small wince, and he resolves to finish organizing Nesta’s closet for her before the day is over. Nesta goes on, “So? Still determined to split your time between here and the cabin?” She gestures to the apartment with an arm.

It’s really just a glorified single room, with a rusty kitchenette in the corner, a hallway near the stairs that holds the bathroom, and Nesta’s bed pushed against one wall. It’s nothing special, but Cassian loves it. Mostly because he can already envision each new nook and cranny to take Nesta against, and how he wants to wake up in that too-small bed on days that he’s too lazy to drive home.

“It’s perfect,” he says simply. Thank you for sharing your home with me, is what he really means. Speaking of homes—

Cassian digs around in his pocket, finding and pulling out a newly-minted silver key. “I almost forgot to give you this.”

Nesta frowns, coming forward to take the key from him. He uses the closeness as an excuse to wrap his arms around her waist while she inspects the object.

She glances up at him, eyes softer than they were a moment ago, lips slightly parted. “You’re giving me a key to the cabin?”

He shrugs casually. “You should’ve gotten one a long time ago.” She used either Cassian’s key or the spare while she lived there.

Her mouth is still open, and she closes it once, twice, before finally saying, “I don’t have a key to my place for you.”

“But I can get one,” she adds quickly. “If you want it, that is.”

Of course he wants it, but he keeps his face carefully neutral. “Only if you want me to have one. We’re still new, and this is your personal space.” He emphasizes your.

Nesta purses her lips, then says, “I’ll think about it.”

Cassian’s shoulders slump in relief— relief that Nesta is being honest with him instead of doing something she isn’t yet ready for. He’ll take her honesty over an apartment key any day.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he smiles brightly and shoves her toward the bed. “If we’re getting dumplings again then you can’t steal mine.”

***

a/n: fair warning that ive never been to therapy, but in stories therapists are usually a mode for character exploration and development, which is what nesta's therapy will be for.

also im so glad i got to meet gwyn in acosf and im so excited to introduce her into this fic too!! if you have ideas for her origin story feel free to share because nothing is planned yet

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @swankii-art-teacher

#a favor #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #nessian fic #ncssianwrites

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sfb123 · 2 years

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Today is Choices Fandom Shout Out Day, thank you @choicesfandomappreciation for making this a thing. In a fandom that has its not so great moments, it is nice to have something like this to bring it all back around to the love and support that this whole thing is about.

When I started playing Choices, it was the literal definition of a guilty pleasure. I didn’t tell anyone I played it, nobody in my life even knew it was a thing. That’s still mostly true, and the people that do know about it, don’t understand what it even is.

That was all well and good, but I would play these books and have all of these things I wanted to say about what had just happened, or theories on what would be coming up next, and they were all just building up inside me with nowhere to go. It was so frustrating, so I found a Facebook group where I could chat with other people who were also playing. From there, I found out that people were actually writing fanfics about these stories, and it led me to Tumblr.

I now have a place where I can share my thoughts, and tell stories that I didn’t even know I had in me, and there are people that actually want to hear all of it. I have been active here for about a year, but lurked for many months before that. I am so grateful to have this place, which has given me so much more than a place to unload at the end of a chapter or a book. I have found a true community of wonderful and kind people who appreciate and support each other. I wanted to take a minute to shout out a few in particular who have welcomed me in, and made me feel a little less weird about this random cell phone game I have found myself playing.

@phoenixrising308 - You know I had to kick it off with my fandom soulmate. You are an absolute superhero. You are so kind, and always drop what you’re doing to be there for me when I need a friend, despite what may be going on with you. I had no intention of getting close with anyone when I came onto Tumblr, but you broke down those walls pretty quick, and I will forever be grateful that you did.

Your stories are a gift to this fandom, Jessica is the strong, badass MC we desperately need around here, and I can’t wait for more of your stories.

@txemrn - Dude, you are amazing, I am so grateful to have you as a friend. Literally everything I contribute on this fandom is because you pushed me to do it. You encouraged me to write, and THEN convinced me that it was a good idea for me to start a series after writing one little one shot. And if that weren’t enough, then you come at me with these photoshop and slideshow ideas that I never even considered doing. On top of all of your cheerleading duties, you’re also a dope ass friend. The way I straight up cackle at some of your voice memos is truly unreal.

Even though you’re always so quick to make Sam the bad guy, or kill of Liam, your writing is unparalleled. You offer a level of descriptiveness that makes me feel like I am sitting in the room with these characters, watching the story unfold.

@sincerelyella - You are such a doll, and I adore absolutely everything about you! I don’t know how it happens, but 9 times out of 10, our conversations always circle back to some kind of food... and I always end up hungry from it! Probably because we are apparently, even though I had no idea until you told me this was a thing the rarest of the rare, cute girls that can cook!

Liam and Ella always make me smile. Even when I’m reading about them meeting for the first time, the love and adoration for each other is so evident from that very first moment, and that is so beautiful to me. You have this amazing balance of angst and fluff in your stories, and I admire it so so much.

@burnsoslow - Never in a million years would I have expected to have developed a friendship because someone randomly mentioned a town I lived in for 10 years in one of their stories, but here we are. You are so sweet, and your compliments on my writing, and on me, make my heart so happy. I think you may have been the first writer I reached out to on the fandom, and I was so freaking nervous to message you, because I didn’t want to be annoying and bother you, but I’m so very glad that I did!

I don’t know what I can say about Drake and Alyssa that I haven’t reblogged or messaged you about a million times. They are everything. They just love each other so much, and watching tough guy Drake fall for her, and transform into this big old pile of mush for her is amazing. Everyone knows Drake has his marshmallow side, but his love for Alyssa brings it to this whole other place, and it is beautiful.

@ao719 - We don’t talk a ton (aside from reblogs), but theorizing about TNA and that bombshell book 2 ending with you helped me get through that last week before the finale. Now we just need to get to book 3 to see if any of our guesses are right (knowing PB, we’ve likely way overshot, and will be disappointed).

I'm sure I’ve told you this before, but when I started lurking around the fandom, you were one of the first writers I really became a fan of. No matter what situation or AU you put Liam into, you never lose the core of what makes him Liam. I always get so emotional when I’m reading your stories. I often find myself legitimately in tears, or screaming at a couple of numb skulls who can’t see how much the other person loves them back.

I also want to shout out some other dope, amazing humans who I am so very grateful to have in my orbit:

@kat-tia801 @gkittylove99 @twinkleallnight @queenrileyrose @khoicesbyk @bebepac @chemist-ana @foreverethereal123 @emkay512 @iaminlovewithtrr @charlotteg234 @neotericthemis @secretaryunpaid @pixie88 @kingliam2019 @mom2000aggie @lucy-268

#choicesfandomshoutout #choicesfandom #i love you all #thank you #i appreciate you

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