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amplifyme · 7 months

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BEGGAR'S COMET LOCKED AND LOADED!

Diana and Mark and their beggar's comet chat before they don't kiss-- a very particular change from the script.

Elliot’s appreciation of music, shaking the man’s hand, being led to Vincent through his humanity and compassion, spilling his anguish to Vincent, “Catherine was wrong about a lot of things”, coming round in the end. In a way, Elliot is able to see Catherine’s flaws and still love her for them; but that “humanizing” of her legacy allows him to also heal and move on in ways Vincent is not able to currently (or likely wouldn’t be able to, ever, if if if.)

Vincent and Father’s convo from previous episode carries on: Father was right: Vincent was charging heedlessly into death, hoping somehow to recover Catherine. Vincent confirms it by constantly dwelling on the “what if”s and wondering if he can somehow make them come to pass, trading places with death for Catherine. Vincent remembering Catherine and their dance; Father disrupting his memory with Mouse; their intense conversation leading to Vincent’s self-imposed ostracization (“away, somewhere separate, apart”) despite Father’s pleas and accepting resignation and ultimate warning about losing himself. Vincent wanting to walk this road alone despite the dangers… because of the dangers.

Gabriel’s reaction-- dumping Snow, blowing up over the ring, regrouping in the nursery with his “son.” Was it ever confirmed he and Snow were brothers? Because that’s been my theory since the last episode-- might never pan out, but it made me curious to parallel his life (i.e. brotherhood and fatherhood and… sonhood) to Vincent’s. Gabriel has a name for his son but won’t reveal it (evading the control Snow or any man like him has over himself and his "son.")

Diana observing the interrogation of Burch’s man, chatting with Joe about Moreno and Burch and trying to guide him to common sense and away from his blind office oaths. Diana revealing Vincent brought Cathy home and loves her and the previous cases, and revealing she sometimes feeling like she knows Vincent-- that he’s “Somewhere… close.”

The funeral and Brooke thinking it’s her fault and Vincent internalizing it and Father unable to help and Vincent leaving and Father letting him. There’s that aspect of Father that means well but backs away from a fight too easily, too quickly. Again, that aspect of him that erodes Buster’s trust (whose presence is, of course, effecting more and more of Vincent’s actions.)

Elliot chipped to ruins (Ozymandias comes to mind again) and Diana showing up at his lowest (“maybe at one time, but you’re out of practice” with a smile) and Elliot still protecting Vincent (before ultimately giving Vincent up later) even as he plans to stray further from the truth onto the path of vengeance. The script cutting out Diana giving Elliot her card (for time, but also an interesting call.) Elliot staring into Joe’s eyes during his arrest and still protecting Vincent (and post-prison is a great look for him.)

Gabriel and Elliot’s conversation is incredible. Gabriel making deals over Cathy’s grave-- “all these tombstones. All these wasted possibilities.” Elliot pointing at Catherine’s grave as the one reason they’d be enemies; and Gabriel admitting he wouldn’t have killed her if he'd know the trouble she’d caused. “She changed me” and “I don’t think so… I know you. I know you.” He and Elliot belonging to an earlier time, calling upon Elliot’s thirst for conquest and kingdoms and empires in his name; but ultimately conquering him with the heart. "Halfway to the stars” and “Beggar’s Comet” make a great pair, especially when comboed with the Diana and Vincent's end scene compared to the choked out aspirations of Gabriel and Elliot. The saxophonist seeing that Elliot lost his way and Elliot not being able to hand over the blood note without some payment (even if it’s “for the music.”)

MOUSE. Finding Vincent in the dark and "scaring" Vincent and being scared by Vincent and Vincent warning Mouse away from V for his own good “and dying.” “Mouse was alone once. Alone was bad”-- hits close, but even closer knowing Nan’s expansion on his and Vincent’s backstory. Father looking at the stars because he cannot look into the eyes of his son.

Diana reading and making a connection metaphysically and literally to Catherine’s grave and Vincent’s journey-- chef’s kiss.

Elliot trying to stick to his false script until Vincent unwittingly rips it away with pure honesty; then feeling a further knife twist because of Cathy’s trust in him. Taking Vincent's shot and trying to dissuade him from further rescue. Gabriel blowing up the dock and plunging the city into darkness. Said darkness causing the comet to shine so that Diana and Father can both see-- Diana smiles, feeling elation and hope while Father frowns, seeing it as a death omen (his quote unwittingly referring to Elliot’s death-- or sacrifice because he lives in Nan’s S4-- instead of Vincent’s.) The baby crying, for the first time inconsolable. Vincent collapsing on Cathy’s grave and Diana rescuing him.

What a great episode-- and the script to go along with it? Amazing.

Another excellent script from GRRM, right?

Let's dig in!

I'm glad the kiss between Diana and Mark was cut. Her internal distance needed an outward sign.

Elliot is able to see Catherine’s flaws and still love her for them; but that “humanizing” of her legacy allows him to also heal and move on in ways Vincent is not able to currently

Exactly! To Vincent, Cathy will never be anything less than perfect. Because of the way he "pedestalized" her (still love your term!) she was always in some ways an unobtainable dream - beyond his reach. St. Catherine.

Re: Gabriel and Snow's familial connections? It was never spelled out, but in my fanfic The Possibility of Being, I wrote them as being brothers. Did you notice Gabe is starting to run a bit scared, as far as Vincent is concerned? Love to see it, because he should be. He's just now figuring out there's much more to Vincent than just violence and rage. There's a big brain beneath that brawn.

Diana revealing Vincent brought Cathy home and loves her and the previous cases, and revealing she sometimes feeling like she knows Vincent-- that he’s “Somewhere… close.”

An act of trust in Joe that she will soon come to regret, though. Stay tuned...

The script cutting out Diana giving Elliot her card (for time, but also an interesting call.)

Another instance were I'm glad that was cut. For one thing Diana had already given him her card in Walk Slowly. For another, showing Elliott reaching out to her - even if he couldn't follow through - would've reduced some of the mounting tension of the possibility of him betraying Vincent later.

Diana is so, so intuitive with Elliot. She's got his number down pat.

Gabriel and Elliot’s conversation is incredible.

That graveyard conversation is one of my favorites in the entire series. Absolutely enthralling, not a single misstep. GRRM always writes crackerjack dialogue. I can (and have) watched that scene over and over.

"Halfway to the stars”

I loved this line so much I used it as the title of one of the chapters in my fic. 😊

Did you notice after he tells Vincent to go and V tells him, "You wouldn't leave me," Elliot responds, "You're damn right I would," and then he grins when V says, "You're lying again." I can't express how much I love that tiny exchange between them.

"The paths of glory lead but to the grave."

There she goes, making those illogical (or psychic) leaps again. And it pays off. Almost like it was fate that she was there when she was.

Everything else you said? 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

Enjoy A Time to Heal! We're gonna have a lot to talk about with that one.

#beauty and the beast 1987 #season 3 #beggar's comet #discussion

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locustheologicus · 2 years

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Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

You may recall my post on being a wounded healer which I recently re-edited. Our own wounds can become a source of healing for others. Everyone goes through their own journey and receives their own wounds from which they need to heal. This is certainly true for me as well. I went through a journey of a painful and bitter relationship with someone who made me feel like I could never do anything right and I was not worthy of being loved. I went through a painfully abusive relationship, but for the longest time I accepted the lies that I kept hearing. The above memes are familiar to me as I struggled being in a narcassistic relationship. This person had been in many failed relationships and because I believed in being loyal I struggled with this person even though I suffered emotional and spiritual abuse for almost two decades of my life. Finally I had to move on. 2016 was the painful year of my divorce where I finally began to accept the absolute brokennes of my relationship and begin to make sense out of what I endured. I was fortunate to have my faith during this moment which, for awhile, felt like that was all I had to help me begin the healing process.

As one who went through this type of abuse I want to let others, who continue to experience the toxicity of emotionally and spiritually abusive relationships, to know that they can heal and grow from these experiences. For one thing I recommend that you give yourself some time to heal before you enter into another intimate relationship. Take some time to relate with yourself. When you are ready to relate with others you will find yourself in a healthier place to do so. When will you be ready? when you are once again able to recognize your own God-given dignity and are able to see that you are worthy of love.

For those of us who have a Christian faith tradition that means truly believing that God loves you and that He sees you as worthy of that love. Not because of what you did or didn't do but because you were made by God for a purpose. You will need to believe in this both in your head and in your heart. As a theory I knew this, but in my heart I did not believe this to be true. What saved me, at my lowest point, was the guidance from a therapist who began to give me some resources from which I could achieve a new and healthy insight into who I am and what I have gone through. One of the resources that became a bible for me was the book, "The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything." Once I read this I then adopted the prayer know as the Examen, which helped me enter a healthy discernment process. Eventually this led me to go through Spiritual Direction. Finally I went through the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises, and with this process I began to truly struggle with God in forming a relationship with him which I had been avoiding because of my own lack of self-worth. Jesuit spirituality provided a great gift during this journey of self-discovery and healing.

Once you heal and you are no longer dependent on the opinion of others for your own sense of value and worth (which gets torn to shreds when you go through an emotionally abusive relationships), then you are able to enter into a healthy relationship. Just take it slow and assess yourself during this time. I am currently able to enjoy a healthy and loving relationship because we are not emotionally dependent on one another and we are able to work together as partners. Below Pope Francis tells us to always keep a spirit of discernment in order to heal from the toxicity we encounter throughout life. Pope Francis reminds us of the toxic journey that affected St. Augustine and how we can all learn from him.

Many times, we too have had Augustine’s experience, of finding ourselves imprisoned by thoughts that lead us away from ourselves, stereotypical messages that harm us: for example, “I am worthless” – and it gets you down; “everything goes wrong for me” – and it gets you down; “I will never achieve anything worthwhile” - and it gets you down, and this becomes your life. These pessimistic phrases that get you down! Reading one’s own history also means recognizing the presence of these “toxic” elements, but then broadening our narrative, learning to notice other things, making it richer, more respectful of complexity, succeeding also in grasping the discreet ways in which God acts in our life.

youtube

This form of abuse was also captured well by the character of 22 in the Disney movie "Soul." I found the struggle and healing that came from the encounter between the main character Joe (who is trying to cheat death) and the lost soul known as 22 insightful on how people are damaged from emotional abuse and how the way to heal from this is to be able to recognize your own dignity. The source of this is God but for children we must always keep in mind that God is represented by the experience that they have from parents and other adults who are responsible for them. If you are going through this journey with your family perhaps watching this movie can help unpack some of the ugliness of codependency, the woundedness of feeling unworthy, and the healing that can happen when we face it.

So for those who suffer from emotionally and spiritually abusive relationships please know that you can heal from this abuse. Take the time to discover yourself and even though it will feel like a lonely ride at first it is one that you need to take and as you do so you will discover a larger world of relationships that are no longer based on toxic codependency. To those who have a responsible relationship with others use the Ignatian prayers and discernment process to make sure that you are not also producing a codependent environment. Hopefully, in sharing with you my own journey, you can find some hope and guidance for your own struggle.

#Youtube #narcissistic abuse #toxic relationship

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a-life-lesson-in-submission · 2 years

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Inside a Submissives Soul

Dear Diary -

Where do I start? The beginning would be good, oh how I wish I could go back to the beginning. Where I felt happy, safe, confident and accepted, now I just feel used, rejected and discarded.

When I stepped into this world after most of my life just fantasising, I thought I had the wisest, strongest and nurturing of hands to hold mine and guide me through step by step. A journey that was to be tantalisingly unique. It felt mutual, the attraction, the depth of connection and chemistry, the beauty in two souls meeting and beginning to entwine into one.

It has all blown up in my face and I am powerless to my own spiralling. Even worse, the hands I felt such protection and security from are the ones to bring me to feel lowest of the low, the low that I already had has been exacerbated by this, a wound without intent. The low wasn't just masked anymore, I was getting confident, I was getting stronger, I was growing. Now I just feel betrayed, abandoned and so damn hurt. My own turmoil and despair seems to be swarming around me more than ever. I wish I knew how to move forward without my mind and heart attacking the soul of me and the soul of the him. I am hurting so much.

I am trying to hold on to the memories, they're all we truly have sometimes. The way his aroma filled my lungs, the way his taste stained my lips, the way he felt against my body, the way he made me feel, not just on the outside, but on the inside. I was on an ultimate high because I know I was at my lowest point in life. It's all flooded back and I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to care, I don't want to feel. I am not enough. I am so lost. I am so alone. I am so broken.

I feel an angry internal ache but then I still feel an intense internal love. How do I stop feeling the negative and focus on the positive? We all have a darkness, it's immensely destructive and bitterly consuming. I know how it feels so why is my own selfishness getting in the way of this? I am clearly not his Submissive anymore. He is clearly not my Dominant anymore.

What I do know is, I should be better than this, I should be stronger than this, I should be a good friend but I don't feel I am anything to him anymore, I don't know if I ever was. I have no place in his life. I miss him and I don't think he will ever come back. He won't let me in, he won't let me be there for him, be with him. He saved my life, he changed my life and I will be forever grateful to him, of him. I miss him but I don't think I ever truly had him. Even if I have to, I don't know how to let go and make peace with what will be and what will not be.

I want him to be OK. I want him to be happy, secure, content and strong. I want him to feel good. I really hope he heals, finds his peace and place in the world again, sooner rather than later. I really do sympathise, I do understand.

The worst feeling in the world, the most painful feeling in this universe, as well as grief, is to feel such soul binding love for someone and waiting only to never hear it back, to never feel it back, it never comes...

Although I have a mountain of emotions to work through, I will do my best to make peace with them. I will at the very least try to take something special away from this, from him. If our souls aren't meant to be for eachother, maybe he was meant to be my soul helper. Someone to step into my life when I needed them the most. Whether it be for a moment, a lifetime or somewhere inbetween, to help and aid my soul move towards growth, alignment and healing.

I will always want, need and love him, that is something I know will never die. I will always be a friend to him, near or far. Maybe one day, I will see him on the other side of all this and things will work out for the better this time. I will always carry that hope....

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flameohotwife · 3 years

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Okay, #41 for the fluff prompt!! (I feel so powerful, hahaha!)

41. "Darling, I love you and all but please step out of the kitchen."

This turned... long! And sad-ish in parts, so I'm sorry! Maybe more hurt/comfort? But there is still fluff. I hope you enjoy!

Rated T. 2.2k words.

“Aang? Have you seen the dumpling pan?” Katara was crouched down, head and shoulders deep in the cupboard, looking for the right pan to crisp the dumplings she was planning on making for dinner. Her husband was flitting about, albeit slower than he once could, on the other side of the kitchen with what she assumed were fruit pie ingredients for dessert. The original Team Avatar were travelling to Air Temple Island from all over the world in a few hours to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the war ending, and their 50th anniversary together. They always tried to get together the week they’d met in Ba Sing Se at the Jasmine Dragon to remember what they’d lost, and to see how far they’d come. Though Aang and Katara hadn’t gotten married until several years after the war, they always counted that day on the balcony as their anniversary, as the only thing that had truly changed with their marriage was the world’s recognition of their relationship and its permanence. They were devoted and dedicated from the very beginning. Perhaps even before that.

“Oh, I’ve got it over here, Sweetie,” Aang called back to her. She jumped up, almost bashing her head on the top of the cupboard before wriggling properly out to stand and face him. Even in his old age he still maintained a certain twinkle in his eye when he was up to something, and Katara’s hands flew to her hips when she saw it.

“What are you doing with my dumpling pan?” she asked, warily.

“I thought I’d cook tonight,” Aang replied, though his hand rubbed the tattoo on the back of his neck tellingly. “I wanted to add some Air Nomad dishes to the menu. Sokka will be bringing some Water Tribe food already, Toph and Suki will have Earth Kingdom, and Zuko and Mai will bring Fire Nation… I just thought I’d add something of my own in.”

Katara’s throat caught for a moment, as it always did when she remembered. His loss always felt bigger on anniversaries, though his grief was an ever-present emotion. It rose and fell like the tides, but was always there, under the surface. Most people saw his smiling face and kind, loving spirit and forgot that there were only two airbenders in the world and why. That Aang had actually known and loved so many of the ones Sozin had murdered. He masked his pain well, but took that mask off around Katara from time to time, when he needed to.

“Sweetie,” she began, stepping forward to grasp his wrinkled hands. “Oh Aang, I was going to make Air Nomad food, too. I would never leave you out like that.” Her tone wasn’t defensive, only calm and reassuring, as she rubbed gentle circles on the blue arrows that adorned the backs of his hands with her thumbs. She wanted to remind him with her touch that his grief didn’t have to be his alone to bear. That she would remember his people with him. Just as she had taught their children old Air Nomad fairytales when they were small, and celebrated their holidays with him, and learned to cook their food. Katara was Water Tribe through and through, but her soul was bound to an Air Nomad. Moreover, she was bound to Aang, and she always felt his loss. Even when he hid it well.

Aang melted into her, then. A hug that was so deeply meaningful it was reminiscent of the one they’d shared on Iroh’s balcony, but with all the weight of his pain crushing down on them along with that promise of love and acceptance. It was as though through this hug she was able to share that weight with him, so she held him tighter. Half a century after learning about the deaths of his people, sometimes the wound still felt fresh, and Katara was always the healing balm to whatever ailed him, even when she knew she could never heal it completely.

Katara stroked his back lovingly with one arm as he clung to her. She waited for his breathing to even out, for his muscles to relax. Waited for a sign that she had taken enough of his grief that he could function again. Finally, he moved his head to kiss her sweetly. It was wet, and salty, but his movements were lighter again. She moved her hands to his face, wiping his tears as she pulled him closer, and he deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms fully around her waist and pressing against her.

“Thank you,” he whispered. He knew his grief was never hers to bear, and yet she did so willingly and with so much love. He could never thank her enough for the way she cared for him when he hit his lowest points. He wasn’t sure he could have made it without her. Sometimes the weight on his shoulders was so heavy he felt like he would sink without her unending love and support buoying him up, keeping him afloat.

“You’re not alone, Sweetie. Never.” Katara continued to caress his face as she looked into his sparkling, sad eyes.”Do you want me to help? I can make the dumplings and the butter tea. I never quite mastered the tofu but I could try if you want…”

Aang silenced her with another kiss. “You’re wonderful,” he said, pressing his lips to hers again. “The best wife, partner, and friend in existence.” Yet another kiss. “I think I’ve got it from here. Why don’t you take a break before everyone gets here?”

Katara laughed, not quite knowing what to do with herself. She reluctantly removed her hands from her husband and settled on making herself some tea and sitting at the kitchen table to observe him. Even though he was aging, Katara still enjoyed watching him when she had a moment, whether it was bending practice, or working hard on something, or even something as simple as cooking. She still appreciated the lithe way his body moved, the smooth, airy motions he made, the way his tongue stuck out when he was concentrating…

She sat back in her chair, grinning over her teacup as she watched him chop vegetables and boil water and roll dough. Sometimes observing him do the most trivial things—like cooking dinner for friends, or braiding their daughter’s hair when she was small, or working in the garden—reminded her how lucky she was to have him in her life. He was the Avatar after all. He could have maids and cooks and servants and never lift a domestic finger in his life, but that was never in Aang’s nature. And he could have chosen anyone as his companion, but he had always and only ever chosen her. Over and over. It was somehow both humbling and assuring all at once.

After some time, she rose from her seat, walking behind him to wrap her arms around him, reveling in his warmth. She couldn’t see the smile on Aang’s face, but she knew it was there when he pressed one arm over her interlocking ones, squeezing lightly with his hand.

She leaned up to press a light kiss to the back of his neck.

“You’re awfully distracting, you know,” Aang chided. He turned in her arms to peck her on the nose. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to watch you cook. I forgot how much I enjoy it.” She gave him a very pointed look and he laughed heartily.

“Well, by all means, enjoy the show,” he said, wiggling his hips for her benefit as he extricated himself from her grip to keep working. Katara giggled. She was about to return to her seat when she noticed the clutter Aang was leaving in the kitchen as he worked, and decided to help him by tackling some of that so he could focus on the food.

When Katara cooked, she was very methodical. Every ingredient, pot, pan, and chopstick had its place, and was immediately returned to that place when she had finished with it. She knew if she didn’t keep up with the mess as she worked, it would pile up to the point that she would feel overwhelmed at the end, so she tidied continually. Aang, on the other hand, was much more impulsive in his cooking. He would think of an ingredient to add mid-stir, and leave the remnants on the counter, never quite sure if he might want to add more later. He would wait to clean up all the messes at once.

There was a time in their marriage where this had driven Katara crazy. The kids were still very young at the time, and the extra mess on top of the cacophony of kid-sounds and clutter and Momo swooping around the house would become too much, so she would constantly buzz around him, taking things and washing and putting them away before he was even finished with them. He would turn around for more of an ingredient and find it wrapped up in the icebox. More than once, he had had to take Katara by the shoulders, kiss her gently, and exclaim, “Darling, I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen.”

Now, much like in other parts of their relationship, she had learned which parts of the mess to let be, and which ones she could handle that would actually help him. She sat up with him at night while he transcribed ancient Air Nomad texts and histories; her presence a comfort as he worked through it all and felt the loss more keenly. Tenzin joined him now, of course, when he was home, but Aang still felt more able to work through his grief when she stayed too. When they were younger, she had sewn Air Nomad clothes for Aang and for the acolytes, and eventually taught the acolytes to make them herself not because Aang couldn’t sew or teach them, but because it was one of the things that they both could do. Something that she could take off of his already over-heaped plate.

They balanced each other. He was her rock on full-moon nights or when she missed her parents or when her emotional storm was raging. He was her center of calm when she was worried about the kids or about the world. But today, Aang needed her. So she washed the used dishes for him to use again if needed, and cleared the wrappings for him, being sure to leave the ingredients on the counter. She made sure to give him gentle touches as they worked; a hand to the small of his back as she passed him, a bump of the hip as they worked side by side. Loving smiles and stolen kisses as the afternoon sun fell lower in the sky.

Eventually their friends would arrive and they would be able to laugh and joke and remember together. There would be group hugs and arm-punches and happy sounds and smells would fill their home as they reminisced. Through all of it, Aang would sneak looks across the table at Katara, with a special smile reserved for her. Fifty years! They’d made it fifty years together, in no small part because of everything they had learned through their struggles as they grew together. Because of the weights and grief they shared with one another instead of bearing them alone.

“I may be old, Twinkletoes, but I can still feel your heartbeat when you look at Sugarqueen like that,” Toph jabbed as Aang snuck another glance at his wife. “How can you two be together for fifty years and still act as disgusting as when we were teenagers? I’m not going to have to pull you out of a linen closet at the official event tomorrow, am I? Because we are all too old for that.”

Knowing that she still sent his heart a-flutter the way he did to her warmed Katara’s old bones from head to toe, and she sent a look of her own towards her husband. Aang’s face reddened.

“Oh, no,” groaned Sokka. “Oogies! I’m out.” He rose from the table, pulling Suki along with him. “Dinner was great guys, and I’d like to keep it in my stomach, thanks. So, we’ll see you all in the morning when the kids get here?”

“Sounds good,” replied Zuko as he and Mai rose to join them. “We should probably turn in anyway. It’s getting late.” Aang and Katara stood as well to accompany their guests to the door before everyone went their separate ways.

“Thanks for a wonderful evening as always, guys,” Suki added as she hugged them both goodbye. “Try not to wear yourselves out too much tonight, hmm? It’s not as easy to recover as it used to be and we have a busy day tomorrow.”

Katara feigned shock at her sister-in-law’s tease but Aang only blushed further as Sokka faked retching and promptly exited with their friends. Aang was always so open about his emotions and intentions when it came to Katara, whether or not he intended to be. She simply smirked back up at him and took him by the hand, waving to everyone one last time before pulling him back to their bedroom. And, maybe they were a little extra tired the next day, but it was worth it. Loving each other through the many ups and downs of a lifetime together would always be worth it. Even when Toph berated them for it outside a linen closet door.

#kataang #kataang fanfiction #kataangtag #fluff prompts #katara #aang #atla #sweeties #slightly hurt/comfort #sorry!#adcurtis #asks

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aspoonofsugar · 3 years

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Hi...how are you? If you don't mind me asking who are your favorite siblings' relationship in anime/movies/tv series? Sorry if you've answered this question before......

Hello!

Here is my list in no particular order.

1) Nina and Johan (Monster)

Their relationship is very interesting and complicated and it basically deconstructs the bond between twins and the trope of the good twin and evil twin (which is what makes it acceptable for my friend @hamliet <3<3<3).

The two twins were never treated as children and as a result they developed an extremely frail sense of self and kind of a symbiotic relationship. In particular, Johan decided to become Nina’s coping mechanism, a sort of living Jungian Shadow of her. The result is a disaster and the two siblings ended up hurting each other.

Still, their recovery goes through uncovering their shared past and the past they do not share. It is a path of self-discovery and forgiveness.

2) Zuko and Azula (ATLA)

Theirs is a tragic bond. They are two abused children who turn into two troubled teenagers. They are pitted one against the other by their abuser and in the end they are not able to overcome how their upgringing has shaped their relationship (at least in the show proper).

They are also two different answers to abuse and even if just Zuko is able to change for the better, Azula is still shown empathy.

In particular, they have opposite problems when it comes to their feelings. Zuko’s feelings explode and this is why he lacks control of his fire. Azula instead represses all her feelings to have perfect control. However, in the end it is necessary to aknowledge one’s emotions and to face them to truly reach harmony.

3) Soren and Claudia (The Dragon Prince)

In my opinion, Soren and Claudia (together with their father Viren) are the two best written characters in the series (as for now) and the main reason I got invested in it.

Soren and Claudia’s bond is one of mutual affection and trust. However, it is being challenged by the toxic influence their father has on both. They both risk to lose themselves to the flaws they very clearly inherited from Viren. Moreover, their different reactions to their father’s spiral has created a rift between them.

I love how they are both shown at their best and at their lowest points because of that same trait that, if well balanced can save them. Soren risks to lose himself to the desire to prove he is a good royal guard. Still, later on is that same desire that leads him to make the right thing. Claudia is his inversion. She is shown doing the right thing out of love, but then she spirals for that same love.

Still, I think that in the end they will be there for each other.

4) Krel and Aja (Tales of Arcadia)

Krel and Aja’s arcs are powerful and complementary. They both start thinking they are meant to be what the other will become in the end.

Krel starts as more responsible towards his role as Prince and shows disdain and discrimination towards Earthlings.

Aja initially wants to run away from her role and enjoys her normal life on Earth.

However, by the end Krel is the one who discovers himself through his relationships on Earth, while Aja finds herself a queen.

It is this paralleled and inverted structure together with the siblings’ complementarity and the strong bond they share that make them such good protagonists.

5) Hargreeves siblings (The Umbrella Academy)

They are all disasters and this is why their family is the best.

I love how after years spent avoiding each other, they still very clearly love each other and see each other as family. Despite being already adults, they are all still children when the story begins and they need to face each other to heal and truly grow.

I also like how each sibling has their own well defined personality and how each bond is different.

Luther and Diego have a rivalry.

Allison is everyone’s big sis and Luther’s love interest.

Vanya is estranged from everyone, but she develops a strong bond with Allison and is shown to get along with Five.

Five adores all his siblings, but often does not care for their individual needs.

Klaus is loved, but also underestimated by the others and he shares a special bond with Ben.

All in all, the family dynamic is very well flashed out and I think this is why the show works so well.

6) Zoldyck siiblings (HxH)

I love love love the Zoldyck Family and I love how all the other four siblings clearly foil Killua aka one of the MC. His two older brothers are who Killua must not become (an assassin like Illumi or dependent and unable to leave home like Milluki). Kalluto and Alluka are instead who Killua needs to save from the family. At the same time, Alluka, Kalluto, Milluki and Illumi all foil each other or have the potential to do so. They are all pretty different people and their dynamics are dysfunctional, but also entertaining to watch.

7) Schneeblings (RWBY)

This trio’s dynamic might be less central to their series than the other examples. Still, they are all pretty flashed out and their interactions are funny to watch.

The Schnee siblings have all reacted differently to their abusive environment. Still, they all share a warm heart behind a cold exterior. It is telling that they all work together to save Atlas and it is telling they all break free from their abusive home life also because of the others.

Winter inspires Weiss to leave and Weiss inspires Whitley to use his power for good. They make a virtuous chain of sibling love.

8) Kirishima siblings (TG)

Ayato and Touka’s backstory is one of my favourite parts of TG. It is interesting to see how they both changed in ways that turned them into their antithesis, but that are also consistent with the personalities they show as small children.

It is heartbreaking to see how close they were as children and how much they have grown apart as teenagers. Still, their bond remains strong and they still clearly love each other. Touka used to protect Ayato as a child and Ayato is trying to protect Touka now that he has grown. Still, he goes at it in the worst way possible.

SPECIAL MENTION: The Gandor brothers (Claire included) from Baccano! I just love how surreal their interactions are!

Thank you for the ask!

#nina forner #johan liebert #azula #zuko #soren tdp #claudia tdp #krel tarron #aja tarron #hargreeves siblings #zoldyck family #schneeblings #ayato kirishima #touka kirishima #thanad-zid #asksfullofsugar #chain of faves #gandor brothers #claire stanfield

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pocketminstrel · 2 years

Text

i had one of my favorite weekends ever. i feel so happy. present. open and free. writing this while listening to “yellow is the color of her eyes” feels so fitting. i want to cling to every last bit of this feeling…. i feel like i love myself a little bit more after this weekend. i love my life a little bit more.

this is the happiest i’ve been in a while, and i’m trying to savor every bit of it. i feel nourished, supported, and i feel like i’m growing, learning, HEALING, being vulnerable, being open to the worlds gifts, being inspired by friends and TV shows (euphoria, INSECURE!) and scenes in new york.

earlier this week, i had felt the most out of control and beaten up perhaps that id ever felt in a long time. longer than i can remember in feeling. i managed to rebuild some strength towards the end of the week. my friends and family really pulled me out of some rash and panicked thoughts. ashley has been really loving and supportive this entire week when i’ve been at my lowest. elaine and umma too. their check-ins mean the world to me. being in the presence of friends makes me realize how much love is in my life, and how it feels just as good as romantic love. to be honest, platonic love is harder.

what i liked about it was - firstly - the lack of anxiety. i feel like in the last couple of years my anxiety & social anxiety really vanished away for the most part…. in this sense, aging is so great. im protective of my time, energy, and can be fully myself with people who see who i am and love who i am.

recounting everything i did:

friday, i got started applying to another job after a couple days of hard work putting my portfolio together earlier in the week.

i hadn’t slept too well so i hopped into bed for an hour and a half before dinner time to recharge just enough to make plans. i got some extremely yummy pho and salad at Di An Di (last minute plans with jon) and he gave me some really thoughtful advice / input on love and the andrew situation… plus general life stuff. it was really fun getting to know him a little bit more at dinner but especially at the wine bar. i liked that he was so curious about who i was. it felt good to feel special i guess, get asked so many questions. this gesture meant a lot. we talked about our siblings, how we grew up, our insecurities… it was really nice. i am so appreciative of his curious, reflective, and open nature. it reminds me a lot of myself. i think we make each other feel very seen.

after dinner we hopped to a wine bar and angela joined. it was great to see her after so long, and by that point in time i was pretty buzzed and ready to talk about anything and everything with even more excitement and presence than usual.

saturday morning, i hopped outta bed to see kara. we met up at and talked about how fucking hard it is to find the one. i am so grateful that she’s in my life. at brunch at king sikh tong, we caught up about our chaotic love lives. i realized that she’s been through a lot lately with love as well, also asking herself some of the same questions i have over the last few months. what do i need? what do i think i deserve? what do i accept or compromise on? afterwards, i hung out at her badass place in tribeca and said hello to her plants.

after brunch i trained to downtown brooklyn to pick up a bouquet of flowers for andrew. i helped the guy at the store arrange the flowers. it wasn’t the most beautiful assembly ever, but i liked that it had a piece of me in it for sure. i also didn’t want to hurt his feelings. it looked better in the wrapping paper than outside of it.

i then walked him, dropped of the flowers, then jogged to petit paulette to catch up with julia, who i haven’t seen in more than a week. i haven’t texted her much this week either. it was nice to catch up and feel her pure soul after a while. the way the sun came in from the windows at sunset was so warm and beautiful. we got a delicious cheese plate and zai joined us a little later on. we had a great time. i ended up running back to my place and zai met me there. she got ready for her date while i showered and got ready for my show. i ubered there and watched part of the show in a kinda male dominated side of the room, with a strange dude in front of my and some tall dudes surrounding me. when they for in the way of my view, these two butch black women came to my rescue, telling me that i didn’t deserve that. they made me feel very safe. though i ended up leaving eventually to the back of the room, then eventually, to the left back side of the room. something about that felt so safe immediately. i could feel that everyone was there for the show. they weren’t there to flex, be creepy, they loved vegyn as much as i did. many of them were alone as well. i learned a lot in that moment. about the kind of safety you can feel from body language and collective energy. the show was great and vegyn was so cute and quirky and hot. he started with some house/soul, before moving to some hip hop, then ending with his popular tunes. like It’s Nice to be Alive. it was really nice to be in the company of people like me, who share the same tastes. there were so many of us! it felt so nice bc i share my love for this artist w very few people.

i took the bus back home (L closures) and it came exactly on time. fell asleep pretty promptly because of how long and active my day was.

this morning (sunday), i spilled boricha all inside my lemaire bag but i’d like to think it’s fate that i needed to go back to my apartment because otherwise i would’ve been too far to potentially salvage my electronics.

i dropped off fan fan donuts to andrew’s place,y heart racing while doing so because i didn’t want him to notice me there. i ended up ringing his door bell then running away immediately! i then citi biked to brunch where julia ashley maddie and i had a fantastic afternoon. literally so much fun. julia got a free drink from the waiter who was a cutie but we were so stunned and unsure if it was a mistake or not that we probably made him feel a bit embarrassed. i especially was being pretty obnoxious i feel. but mostly because we were joking about how funny it would’ve been if she’d finished the drink before asking “was this for me?” hahaha i just cracked up thinking about it. she wrote her number down to the waiter and they had a short convo before we headed out. we ate some of the donuts i picked up at Littleneck outpost and the waiter there was such a cutie. loved his lil outfit. julia left him a little note to enjoy sardines together sometime. i was so in awe and inspired by her ballsy behavior.

but while we were there we ate some penis candy julia brought for us and continued to joke and enjoy some more. i took some gorgeous pictures of maddie and me and ash got some pics as well. i ended up getting a thank you text from andrew while i was there too. it made me happy that he wasnt being cold. it touched me actually.

after peeing at acre, me and maddie checked out a few vintage stores in the area and i actually ran into a lead from work. i think i made a good impression. we split and i made some spicy rigatoni when i got home which was so yummy! and some salad too, using the rest of my romaine. i started the first episode of the last season of INSECURE and god dam was it relatable. the late twenties/early thirties existentialism, maturity and wisdom but also still figuring shit up, was sooo relatable. something about the episode being placed in a college ten year reunion felt soooo fitting somehow. the theme of growth and simultaneous nostalgia. issa rae is such a gift to this world. the nostalgia in this episode oh my god. the laughter with friends, the narration that these friendships don’t come by all that often. after a weekend like mine these words really hit home. kelly’s narration towards the end of the episode on the radio show - my god. “how do you want to spend your time, be remembered, when you know something is coming to an end?” everyone that episode looked their best, so hot but mature and put together, more at ease with themselves, still themselves but loving themselves a bit more. compared to how crusty some of them looked in season one, seeing them thriving in their reunion really made me happy.

after that it posted some pics online and watched the season finale of euphoria with my roommates. although this season was so over the top, i was inspired by when cassie was telling her sister off that she never lived life, only watched it. and that’s why she could judge everyone. i actually would agree with that. i felt like i had been both of them before, more often lexie. watching and observing, learning, but not from experience. it inspired me to live more, just like i had been doing this weekend.

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maevelin · 3 years

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what is your opinion on how the IC treated nesta in general, but more specifically acofas?

Oh boy...you just had to go there lol

Negative rant ahead. So you’ve been warned.

Truth is I’ve tried so hard to get what happened in acofas out of my mind and view certain things I used to like even out of context so to be able to still enjoy them but it didn’t work. If anything getting some emotional distance from this universe dampened my excitement for any future project from this franchise and writer. Granted I never considered SJM to be a good writer but at least she was able to work through some interesting characters and dynamics. Acofas negated that too.

And honestly I am so done with the whole thing and it even left me with a bitter aftertaste when it comes to Nessian in particular because the foundations set in that book (if one can call it that) are really something I detest. The insight we got into Cassian’s mind made me so angry and I noped out completely.

As for how the IC in general treated Nesta?

I had some time to think about that and I think the problem is that the previous books and ACOFAS more so have set up an environment where Feyre and the Inner Circle are the moral axis of the universe we are in. If they are objectively right or wrong does not matter because they are right no matter what. It is very unsettling for me to have to get into a book that exists on that foundation.

At the beginning the characters in question, Feyre, Rhysand and so on were treading more realistic lines between right and wrong. Some of those lines were blurred. They were morally grey characters too given what the situation demanded from them and that was the allure of their dynamic as characters and as relationships but as we got more books with them they became more and more bland and their perspective was limited to the trope of the perfect shiny hero and they became dogmatic when it came to that. They knew what was the best for everyone. They could do no wrong even when they did. There were no repercussions to their mistakes. They are not to be called out for their behavior because their behavior is always correct (even when it is not and not just concerning Nesta but on many fronts).

We are at a point where their moral code is by default what creates what is right and wrong and the narrative acknowledges that directly and indirectly. So the readers are meant to accept that what Feyre does is morally right and doesn’t get to criticize her actions and the actions of the Inner Circle that many times can be morally ambiguous -at best- but are not acknowledged as such.

I would appreciate it much more if the author allowed the characters (all characters, Nesta included because I am not here to pretend that Nesta is not a hot mess of an abusive asshole too) to be subjected more to objective criticism without the narrative pandering to their moral high ground.

Thing is that situations where you have to face someone’s trauma can be difficult, messy, ugly even. There is no perfect recipe. It doesn’t mean that your way or helping is always right just because you love your family or your loved one. It doesn’t mean that because you have had your own trauma you know how to deal with someone else’s. You can do more damage many times or you can’t reach someone that is struggling and when someone is in pain many times can’t open up or accept their problem or any help regarding their issues and this can create a very dysfunctional situation from all sides concerned. Toxic even.

But here from the start the reader is to accept a fundamental truth. Feyre and the Inner Circle are right and they know what they are doing. Their motives, their actions, their responses are pristine and they are on a pedestal so where does that leave Nesta or even a reader that doesn’t accept that reality because their critical thinking gets in the way?

And where does a character that is not as ‘perfect’ stand? Nowhere. It distorts the picture. Because until that character gets in line with that perfection they can’t be part of it. It gets ostracized even if is in simple things as not being drawn inside a painting.

And what I find even more problematic (especially in the end of ACOFAS) is that this feels very much like a parallel of how Tamlin treated Feyre but most readers ignore that because the former books established that Feyre and the IC are the established moral stance one should admire and anyone opposing that is on the wrong. In reality the moment the writer stopped viewing certain characters under an amoral light and forced them to be the ‘good heroes’ instead of the amoral characters that should have been everything became distorted. The parallels between those characters that are deemed to be doing things wrong and those that are supposedly doing things right are blatantly obvious and the only reason as to why the good guys have the holier than thou attitude and are on the right its because the writer “says so” and that’s not something I can abide with if I use critical thinking.

Yes these books are not meant to be taken seriously and are light entertainment at best but I feel there are limits to that especially since given the direction the author choose to take the characters towards does not personally entertain me anymore.

I am not in favor of taking an unapologetic character and making them less than what they are only to fit them into a romance and way to work into a faux morality code.

Feyre wants to protect Nesta. She is for an intervention. Tamlin acted the same. In the same way Feyre gets to decide how Elain should give Lucien a chance or how Lucien’s attachment with Jurian and Vassa is silly or how Nesta should heal Tamlin also decided how Feyre should work through her trauma, how she should not use her powers, how she should exist in his court because...he knew better, because he loved her, because he wanted to protect her. And he did love her and he did want to protect her and he had his reasons and all that didn’t make him any less abusive. Tamlin was basically ordering or manipulating Feyre into acting in the way he believed was best for her and their life together. Does that sound familiar or what? Including how Tamlin was providing everything financially for Feyre and her sisters too and that was also taken as a given.

And I am not here to say that Feyre doesn’t love her sisters or doesn’t want the best for them. I am here to point out the hypocrisy when it comes to how one should defend another person’s free will and choice. The only reason Feyre was able to escape that suffocating environment was because Rhysand gave her a way out. No one is there to do that for Nesta. If anyone did that for her would she stay? Of course not. Would she follow Cassian to the camp if she had other alternatives? Nope. Surely Nesta is at the lowest of lows and her behavior triggered such reactions because she surely did something bad for even Amren to be set against her that way in the end of ACOFAS but that doesn’t change how the power imbalance is shocking. How Elain had no say to what happens to Nesta because Feyre is in charge. But once more where Tamlin was wrong Feyre is right. Where Tamlin was abusive Feyre is not. Feyre’s trauma was not as destructive as Nesta’s so of course this excuses everything. Not to mention that Tamlin was going through his own trauma too. Not to mention that every despicable thing Tamlin did as a High Lord was no less despicable than what Rhysand did but we saw how the narrative in the end treated Tamlin even after the way he repented in ACOWAR.

But Tamlin is the bad guy who treated Feyre badly so even if objectively he can be as terrible as the characters we are meant to support are and can be we are still not meant to judge him the same as we are meant to judge the ‘heroes’ because different standards are set. The same treatment goes for Nesta, Lucien and so on. And I am not here to defend Tamlin or every wrong thing Nesta or any other character did. But the scales here are not balanced at all so I feel that for certain characters their mistakes weigh more than those of others. It also depends if someone’s trauma is more ‘comfortably accepted’ than others. It is like you can be depressed and damaged and traumatized but only as long as it fits a certain aesthetic kind of thing and that is triggering me in ways I am not comfortable with.

And you can see the insidious writing too. Nesta’s PTSD is used against her.

Characters like Feyre are getting praised for overcoming their trauma and for their heroism and get all those monikers of glory but Nesta for example and even Elain that beheaded the King and ended the war are left into obscurity. Nesta was ready to sacrifice herself to give Feyre a fighting chance and was there to shield Cassian and die along his side but you know okay sure. Feyre is the defender of the rainbow and I don’t know what else title she has these days but when other characters do similar fits of heroism they are sidelined and those acts are quickly forgotten as if they never happened. That is a narrative issue because it chooses to highlight certain moments and ignore others.

People know Nesta as ‘Cassian’s’ for crying out loud and escape her house in fear because of him. Cassian that somehow glorifies the mate bond and the age gap even to legitimate worries Rhysand poses because if he didn’t then all of the sudden he would have to acknowledge how problematic is his attitude towards Nesta and their general dynamic. But hey she looks hot despite her weight loss and what Rhysand and Feyre have, suicide pacts and whatnot, is so pure so why bother with being decent towards a girl that as he sees is traumatized, has been violated and is stuck in a world and species she does not want. He admitted that he had been through the same emotional trauma in his past and it took him time to heal but hey Nesta is a bitch for not conforming to the way he and the IC believe is best for her to act, behave and heal.

Is Nesta right all the time? Hell no. She is an abusive asshole. She spends money she has not worked for and earned. She is all messed up and does not know which way is up and lashes out towards every direction.

But in the same way Feyre did the same with Tamlin’s fortune and Rhysand’s but at least she was grateful and in a relationship with them so I guess it was okay?

And keep in mind that what Nesta is doing is deplorable (taking Rhysand’s money, having a past of not treating Feyre right, not wanting to be with Cassian etc) but when Elain is basically doing the same but Elain is ...Elain. So it is okay. She is not as troublesome I guess and can hide silently in the sidelines so the same mistakes have different gravity and consequences. Again that’s how the narrative is set. It favors certain characters while condemns others because by default it accepts in its core how Feyre and the Inner Circle is the moral axis so the other characters are satellites around that orbit and if they diverge from that then they get crashed until they are taught to gravitate correctly.

I could keep going but I feel like this game is rigged from the start when it comes to Nesta and I am finding it pointless really. The fact that the narrative pushes her trauma in a certain direction so not only to develop Nesta as a character but also pander to certain characters and a certain mentality regarding certain characters. I don’t feel comfortable reading something like that.

If the concern of the author was to push Nesta into an environment where the primary concern would be Cassian, their romance and the acknowledgment of the Inner Circle I am sure there are many more ways to work with that than taking a character’s PTSD and manipulating in a way as to make it less important for their individual narrative and more or less a stepping stool for getting the character to a place that wouldn’t otherwise go and especially more so if they were in their right frame of mind.

And I am not going to even get to other issues like how I am sure how tone deaf the author is still going to be when it comes to PoC cultures (Illyrians) vs White Savior Trope (Nesta entering that culture as a Queen without a crown that will go through the blood rite and into a warring misogynistic tribe where she will give the solution in the end but you know...’yay feminism’...and then adding salt into injury you will have Rhysand, Azriel and Cassian that have been in charge for half a millennia and could have solved certain issues if they truly wanted given their position and power but now that someone else will do it for them they will still get the credit...but you know...dreamers change the world and all that...but only when it is convenient I guess...).

#nesta archeron #nesta #cassian for ts #nessian for ts #anti acofas #fel reads acofas #I am so....#no no nope #I am getting more into anti shipping territory here #and I used to ship Nessian like crazy #Anonymous #anti rhysand #anti feyre

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lov3nerdstuff · 3 years

Text

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.11}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.2k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

While Robin's wound really did only feel like a pulled muscle at this point, she still had had to agree that their last excursion which had been planned for this Saturday should better be canceled for the sake of her recovery. Thus they spent the remainder of the day mainly by reading, working on editing the handbook, and drinking too much coffee for their own good. However it was only when evening rolled around that they finally decided to take a look at the damage beneath the bandages that were still wrapped around Robin's middle, only to find that the only reminders of the previous evening were an admittedly horrendous bruise, and a pink scar that ran along the arch of her lowest rib at the length of about a finger. Oh well… it wasn't pretty, but considering the circumstances, Robin still found herself glad that it wasn't worse, and Snape simply didn't comment on it at all. Indeed, he seemed to be rather relieved when she dropped the hem of her t-shirt back down (and thereby covered the bruised skin of her stomach), which was a reaction Robin simply refused to think about in either direction.

After that the evening trickled by comfortably like most of their evenings did by now, calm and easy and filled with conversations about everything and nothing, and before long they made dinner like they usually brewed their potions; late at night, together, and each knowing their perfect place in the process wordlessly. Robin appreciated every single second of the evening, like she had loved every second of the day. But that made it all the more painful to think that this wouldn't last, not even beyond morning. Most likely was that it would never happen again, none of this, and that thought was what twisted her heart and put a lump into her throat as she was sitting on the sofa in front of the lit up fireplace once more, a good while after their meal.

It was a surprisingly cold and stormy night for late August, even for England, and while the rain was whipping against the windows now, and the wind howling through the small cracks and gaps in the walls, Robin couldn't bring herself to enjoy it. She had wrapped herself into the blankets again, trying to focus on the book in her hands while Snape in the armchair nearby was doing the same. But no matter how much she tried to keep the gloomy thoughts at bay, the feeling of painful loss just wouldn't leave her alone, and the fact that she couldn't possibly miss something she had never had in the first place irritated her enough to draw every focus away from the book and into her own head. Why was she feeling so sad all of a sudden? The day had been lovely, the evening too… and yet here she was, trying not to cry over absolutely nothing. It wasn't just the realization that the day had been too good to be true, that it would never last, that it had only been an exception… none of that would suffice to upset her like this. They'd had times like this before, in a different way, and they would have them again. She wasn't concerned about that, not really… but then what was it that troubled her mind?

"Stop it." Snape's voice disrupted her downward spiral of thoughts, and Robin tried to open her eyes only to find that they were open already, and staring into empty space. Probably had been for a while at this point.

"Stop what?" She asked in mild irritation and looked over to him instead, not without taking notice that he had placed his book down and was returning her gaze. Probably had been for a while at this point, too.

"Getting lost in your own head. Letting your thoughts drag you to dark places you have no need to dwell in."

"How do you know that that's what I was doing?"

"Was it not?"

"Yes, but how do you know?"

He sighed softly, then sat up straighter. "You haven't turned a page in half an hour, which is the time you usually would need for a quarter of an entire book of this kind. Then, while you obviously have been thinking, you did not make an attempt to share your thoughts with me, which is what you usually do with anything that isn't negative. In return, this means that whatever you have been thinking about is unpleasant for you. But if it was a problem of any kind, one that required solving or was at least possible to solve, you again would most likely tell me about it at this point, which you did not. This leaves as the only possibility that you were overthinking something of no immediate relevance, or at least were dwelling on something that made you sad. Which I would like you not to do, nor to be."

Robin's lips curled into a small smile before she could help it, and a little of the gloom melted away as it was replaced by warmth and adoration. "I didn't know you understood me better than I do."

"I merely pay attention to the details. Would be quite impossible to keep up with you otherwise."

"Am I really that complicated?" She couldn't help chuckling at least a little, deeming it more a compliment than anything, and seeing as finally enough tension had left her body, she let herself sink further into the cushions.

"No. Complex perhaps, and challenging. But complicated would be the wrong word for it."

"I'd really rather be complex than complicated; one speaks of intelligence and character, the other of drama and effort. Then again, I surely cause you enough trouble to be called complicated indeed."

"Life is complicated either way. The true art in it is finding what makes the trouble worth it."

Robin didn't even have to think to know that she had found exactly this for herself a long time ago. Primarily, the very person in front of her. Really, she had no doubt that she would go through absolutely anything for him, with him, no matter what. Then –on a secondary level, or a different kind of level rather– she had found her passion for her research. Either way, she wondered what made life worth it for Snape. His job perhaps, his work as well… she could very well imagine that it was potions indeed. But she could also imagine other things, and she would fare better if she didn't imagine anything at all. Time for a subtle change of topic.

"You really have learned to be more positive, you know that?" She smirked at him with a quirked eyebrow, hoping that it would suffice to act over her own emotions beneath the fragile surface of her facade.

"Say that again and there will be consequences." He drawled in a feigned scowl, and Robin had to grin even more.

"Like what? I'm already sleeping on the couch with a healing stab wound. There's little you can do." She teased on even though she knew very well that there actually was quite a lot he could do, giving him a sassy shrug nonetheless, which actually threatened to make him break his facade. Robin saw the humor in his eyes, so obviously that it almost screamed at her, until it suddenly was replaced entirely by neutrality. Half a second later he rose to his feet in one swift move, killed the fire at the same time, and was already halfway across the small room before Robin even knew that was going on.

But once her mind snapped into place, she jumped into action instinctively and lunged forward in such an uncontrolled quick impulse, to catch his arm before he was out of reach, that she couldn't catch herself anymore and tumbled over, off the sofa and onto the hard floor. An action that would've hurt even without a healing wound. But she had gotten a hold of his sleeve at least, even if it was of fairly little use now that she was in a heap on the floor once more, drawing in a sharp breath against the rush of pain.

"Bloody hell…" She groaned after the initial stinging had dimmed down, and found that when she opened her eyes, she was met with a deep and concerned frown.

"What, pray tell, were you trying to do?!" He asked a bit too harshly, but Robin figured that it was because he probably was as surprised as she was herself.

"Stopping you from leaving." She defended her own action rather weakly, feeling way too insecure as she let him help her back onto the sofa where he sat down next to her. "I… I don't know what it is that I did, but I swear I didn't mean to upset you."

"You did nothing wrong, and you certainly did not upset me. You worried me with that stunt right there, but that was entirely my own fault as it seems." He said, and if his facial expressions had ever been obvious, it was now. Regret, anger and concern, all put on display for Robin to see without a doubt. "I failed to come up with a decent reply to your tease, so I thought I might simply prove that there is one thing I could do to get a reaction from you after all, but I had no intention of actually leaving nor did I think it would end like this. I'm sorry for crossing the line."

Fear dropped from Robin's heart as suddenly as it had been placed on it, and perhaps that was why she gave in to this most desperate urge without resistance. In an instant, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders tightly, kneeling on the sofa next to him as she buried her face in his neck and she hugged him as close to herself as she possibly could. Insufferable idiot… going too far while teasing was her speciality, not his! He never did… until now, it seems. It didn't matter, Robin still clung onto him with no intention to let go, and after a second of initial surprise, of freezing like he did so often, he placed his arms around her in return.

"Don't do that to me… Don't leave me like everyone else did." She breathed after a while, and as she spoke her lips barely brushed against the delicate spot of skin above the collar of his shirt. "You're… I… I can't have you leaving me as well."

"I would never." He replied so quietly, so seriously that a shiver ran down Robin's spine. "I am not going anywhere unless you want me to."

"You will still have to leave tomorrow, no matter what I want."

"If you want me to stay, I will."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Again, it took Robin a few seconds to process the overwhelming amount of emotions ebbing through her in return, to convince herself that he was only saying this because of what had happened yesterday. He only wanted to make sure she would be alright. And she would be, but only without the guilt of getting in the way of how things were supposed to be on her conscience.

"You have no idea how much that means to me… but it would be incredibly selfish of me to ask that of you when there's no good reason to stay, but many reasons to go. I will be just fine on my own, I have been for years. It's just one bloody week, and it's an important one." She finally said, in more or less certainty of her words. "You have to go."

"I know you will be fine." He returned calmly, yet in the same seriousness as ever. "You always are."

"Unless I get stabbed, or cursed, or tortured, or eaten alive by a bear, or-..."

"You are making it really difficult for me to go."

"Sorry." She breathed, but a smile tugged on her lips no less. It didn't matter why he didn't want to leave her… the fact alone was enough for now. More than enough, actually.

When he eventually started drawing tiny patterns on her back again, Robin finally realized that she was leaning against him with her entire weight by now, her head resting on his shoulder just like yesterday, and she knew that if she didn't put an end to that now, it would also end exactly like yesterday.

"I should probably let go of you now." She sighed under her breath, more to herself than to Snape, but as much as she knew she should indeed, her body would not obey her rational mind.

"And why is that?" He asked in return, and his hands stilled on her back while his hold on her however didn't loosen up in the slightest.

"I'm falling asleep." Robin breathed sadly. "And if you don't want a repetition of yesterday, I have to let go now."

For another moment neither of them moved at all, leaving Robin to wonder if she had even spoken up in the first place or merely dreamed her words, but when she finally forced herself to lift her head and then started pulling away, his arms around her tightened in an instant to keep her in place right where she was. An immediate shiver ran through her body when he leaned back into the sofa without a word and simply pulled her with him, their embrace never once faltering, while the movement left them in a far more comfortable position than before. Robin didn't mind in the least that it had her resting against him more than sitting like he still was at this point, and indeed, if there was such a thing as a highest place of comfort, she was sure to have reached it now.

Perhaps it was only a dream. Perhaps she had fallen asleep long before, and none of this was real. But when she focused on his chest rising and falling beneath her, on the scent that was so uniquely him, on his hands splayed out across her back… she knew that no dream could be positively overwhelming like this. Beyond anything she had imagined would ever be a part of her reality. Perhaps it would become one of those things they didn't talk about, that simply were without ever being addressed. Like their coffee habit used to be in the beginning… or the perpetual fact that they had been each other's not-date to the ball for years now. It likely would become one of those things, one of those wordless events neither dared to speak of… but Robin didn't mind at all. For once, she wouldn't question why he was allowing this to happen, wouldn't overthink what it did or didn't mean. She had given him the fair chance to escape the situation, and he had pulled her closer in return. It was easy as that, and allowing herself to simply enjoy it in return was even easier for once. Without the war within herself but with his arms wrapped around her securely, she was asleep within seconds.

… … …

Sunday came far too quickly and before long, Snape had to leave, which meant that Robin had all afternoon to explore the house she would have all to herself for a week now. Admittedly, she did understand now what he'd meant when he had said it was a telltale of neglect, but then again she absolutely didn't mind in the least, and actually found the aesthetic of it quite charming. The only thing she had to agree on was that the neighborhood was a literal nowhere. That much she discovered when she took a walk to get some fresh air on Sunday night, and she found that while the area was very much rundown and tainted by poverty, it otherwise didn't differ all too much from her parents' fancy Oxford suburb. Both were practically void of people, overcrowded with buildings and narrow streets and pathways, and most of all they both were so desperately void of nature that Robin was almost happy about the weeds growing through the cracks in the pavement. And still, she was beyond happy to have a roof over her head for the time being, and even happier that the space was filled with more books than she could read.

The week went by surprisingly fast, Robin spent the first few days reading and allowing the remainder of her injury to heal, and only on Friday she went to London to do the mandatory school shopping with the precisely calculated galleons that she had put aside nine weeks ago specifically for this reason. Honestly, she had been surprised when she had found the yearly letter from school on the doorstep on Monday morning, but when she'd thought about it, she wasn't at all surprised that Dumbledore would know where she was currently staying. He had been aware of her friendship with Snape in the first place, so why wouldn't he know that she was staying at Spinner's End at the moment? That man had eyes and ears everywhere; or perhaps Snape had simply told him about it, who knew. Then on Friday evening her very last overall money had gone into dinner, the only meal of the day, and she was actually quite happy with the fact that she would only have to spend Saturday and half of Sunday without anything to eat. That still was better than what she had calculated a few weeks ago.

When Sunday morning finally lit up the sky with a beautiful sunrise, Robin made sure to leave the house as spotless as possible, going through every single room four times, and still she arrived half an hour too early at the platform. Gods, she didn't even know what she was more desperate for at this point… a meal, the castle and highlands, or seeing Snape. Probably a good combination of all three. This year, for the first time, she found Cas and Jorien in advance to getting on the train, and when they left London fifteen minutes later, Robin found herself sitting in a compartment not only with her two roommates, but also with Simon and his two friends. Honestly, Robin had all the understanding in the world for Cas and Simon; after not seeing each other all summer, they surely deserved to sit together now at least. It was only the two other boys who irritated her quite a bit, for they kept shooting her odd glances for wearing sunglasses inside and even for only bringing one backpack as her entire luggage, and Robin found herself wondering if they were just particularly judgy or if her antics really were that odd and everyone else she usually surrounded herself with had simply gotten used to it by now. Either way, she tried to politely ignore them and their stares.

"So, how did traveling and finding plants and stuff go?" Cas finally asked after half an hour of being too busy with Simon to even look at anyone else. Robin thought that half an hour was a new record; Cas was getting better at remembering she had friends too!

"Oh, the usual…" Robin replied with a sigh and a small smirk, as she leaned back in her seat. "Walked over water, went sightseeing in Greece, almost got eaten alive by a bear, got stabbed, went-..."

"Wait, what?!"

"Yeah, there was this bear-like creature in a cave in Sweden, but we could make an escape at last after-..."

"That's probably an interesting story, but I meant the part about getting stabbed!" Jorien gave her a look, and Robin sighed again while everyone else in the compartment grew suspiciously quiet. Why on earth could she never keep her mouth shut?!

"Well, it's no big deal." She finally started addressing the topic when even the two Ravenclaw boys were staring at her with deep frowns. "I kind of broke in somewhere and then someone stabbed me in the stomach. Or… the ribs, rather. Between both."

"YOU broke in somewhere?!" One of Simon's friends blurted out before anyone else could give a more subtle reaction.

"You seem surprised." Was all Robin returned with a perfect neutral expression that had both Cas and Jorien snorting within seconds. Yeah, Robin had missed the girls after all.

"Well, uh…" The boy fought for a decent reply, but it was his friend who finally answered. "The Robin Mitchell we heard about just didn't seem like someone who wouldn't break into places."

"Perhaps you shouldn't believe everything you hear, then." She replied calmly, with a condescending edge to her tone she just couldn't help. They were a year below her, sure, but also a head taller each.

"Rumor has it you're a total overachiever in your year, or… in any, really."

"And just because I get good grades I automatically have to be boring and more by-the-rules than the headmaster himself? Is that what you mean?" Robin quirked an eyebrow at them, and the giggles coming from her roommates almost made her want to break her facade and smile as well.

"No, of course not, it's just… your reputation, and…" The poor guys looked miserable under Robin's scrutiny, scared almost to speak up, and she found that she wanted to know why.

"What other rumors are there about me, then?" She asked with a pointed expression, staring at the two Ravenclaws so intently that they looked desperately uncomfortable.

"Well, people say that… that you can read minds, and that you can curse people without even a single word. They say that you're so good that even the professors are afraid of you! Some even say that you're insane, or straight out evil… and many say that you have no emotions." The first boy replied reluctantly, and when Robin's gaze didn't falter, he added, "But we never believed any of that! Seriously, we just… thought that you really must be an overachiever if you made it to honour roll in two subjects a year earlier than everyone else! Honestly, the entire school seems to believe that you're someone not to be messed with… But we only ever believed the things we had physical proof of!"

"Really?"

"Yes! Absolutely!" They both nodded. "We would never blindly believe any reputation someone has among the students…"

"Good. Honestly, I couldn't care less about my reputation, and it's everyone's right to think about me whatever they please. But it's not my responsibility to meet their expectations." She stated with a smile now indeed, and she was met with three smirks in return and two almost relieved faces. "I do get good grades, but I'm neither a bore nor an insane genius."

"It's so funny how people always seem to think you're either just a scary psycho or a walking library." Jorien chuckled and leaned back in her seat as well while she turned to the two Ravenclaws. "Guys, Robin is one of the nicest people I've ever met, and definitely the most caring one. She literally saved my life, which almost got her killed in return! And on the other side, if there's anyone who literally never follows any rules other than her own, it's Robin. Do you guys even know that she's been excepted from most of the school rules for literal years?!"

"Really?" Simon asked now, frowning first at Jorien, then at Cas by his side, and finally at Robin. "A-about the rules, I mean! Not the… the nice part. I know you're very nice, Robin. To the people you like, at least."

"Thank you for that very accurate assessment, Simon." Robin couldn't help smirking and shook her head to herself in amusement. "I feel honoured."

"I told you she's always gone until who knows when at night! Roaming the castle and working in rooms none of us even knows about! And I told you how she's given us detention before, or how almost all of the professors actually respect her! How she knows more about potions than Professor Snape! I told you, Simon!" Cas defended herself then, and Robin tried not to snort yet again. It all was true, in a way… Well, almost all. She didn't know more than Snape, she merely knew different things than he did. Perhaps she would have to explain that to them at some point.

"I know you did, Cas, but I thought you were exaggerating!" Simon replied, and while Cas pouted, Robin and Jorien just chuckled.

"I never exaggerate!" Cas finally tried, and now literally everyone in the compartment couldn't hold their laughter anymore. Even Cas had to see that it was pretty funny after a moment, and when she started laughing too, any of the weirdness between the two groups finally faded for good. Who knew, if Cas and Simon really stayed together for now, perhaps Robin would have to get used to spending time with his friends as well. But for Cas, she certainly could do that.

______________________________

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imjukyung · 3 years

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Okay so we all know how much I love Suho and Jugyeong as individuals but also as a unit and I obviously think about these characters too much so have yet another unnecessary analysis from me. This post ended up being over 1500 words, I apologize. Like my Suho post before, this is not an invitation for hate, or arguments, just, observations I’ve made and yeah.

So both Suho and Jugyeong have suffered trauma, not in the same manner but both have very deep set issues that affect who they are as people. Jugyeong is deeply insecure about her looks and her grades, all thanks to the bullying she endured from most people surrounding her life. Suho has lived a life of great loss, beginning with his parents (his mother's death and his father's essential abandonment), then his best friends (seyeon's death and seojun's breaking their friendship). Both have some deep scars and yet, they both try so hard for each other.

As friends, Jugyeong offers herself as a listening ear for Suho when he needs it, something he never really had before. You can argue he could have had it in anyone trying to be his friend, but a part of it is definitely Suho's fear of losing someone else, he can't lose someone else he loves if he doesn't let them get close. But with Jugyeong it just happens naturally, this girl who he saved, who ironically likes horror comics like him. They bond, he keeps her secret, then there's those different emotions he keeps getting around her. He starts saying things without really thinking, he starts doing things that he wouldn't normally do. Friends, Lee Suho has a crush and he has zero idea what to do.

Now I could go in depth on Suho, and believe me friends I have, but this is more on why I support this relationship. They help each other in so many ways, Jugyeong was there after Suho's first panic attack on the anniversary of Seyeon's death. She went looking for him because she was worried, she wanted to be there for him, to support him in any way she could. In turn Suho keeps her secret and also helps her when he can. He tries to help her in her studies, he saves her wallet from her bullies and comforts her afterwards. He willingly beats the crap out of the boys who kidnapped her, and holds her hand on the drive home because she looks like she's struggling. He praises her after her fight with her mom about her grades, because he saw how hard she worked and how it affected her that her mom still wasn't happy.

Support. They offer each other support because they've seen each other at their lowest of lows, and this was before they even started to date.

After confessing, which is done when Jugyeong is not wearing make up, so props to the writers for that. They manage to build each other up some more. Despite Suho being more than ready to tell everyone they are together, he accepts when Jugyeong asks him to not say anything then proceeds to plan a date far enough away where they shouldn't get caught and she gets to meet her idol (he paid attention after seeing her watch a single video) which he knows will make her happy. He pays attention, because he wants her to be happy. He notices when she's off, when she doesn't seem as bright or happy, and he tries to figure out why. He wants to take care of her, to make her happy, because that's how much he genuinely cares (i don't wanna say love bc people will get pissy but you know what, f u c k it, he LOVES HER). He assures her that she is enough when she shares that she feels like she isn't good enough for him, but what does he say? You're enough. Because he doesn’t want her to think that way, because she’s probably more than enough for him. After all he likes her for who she is, and he thinks she’s pretty without makeup on, and he knows she’ll work hard for her grades if she needs to.

They are also constantly on the phone with each other which is freaking cute because like, they just want to tell each other EVERYTHING which is good because it’s a precursor to possible good communication. And even though it was followed by lack of communication, they did end up apologizing to each other after the accident. Suho actually apologized AGAIN once he returned to school, so he acknowledged that he said things he shouldn’t have said. But also that conversation was the catalyst for her admitting to Sujin that they were dating, because she felt she had to tell her, and to tell Sujin how much she meant to her. This was brave for Jugyeong to do, because we know our girl hates confrontation, but she did it. She admitted she liked Suho, a lot, and that they were dating. It was a big revelation and we all know it.

But anyway, let’s talk about the accident, once Jugyeong hears that Suho is hurt, she literally runs to the hospital, even though she doesn’t have make up on. His safety is a priority and she has no chill, she could have bolted out when she realized Seojun was there too, but she did want to at least check on him after, she was even thinking of going back, but she decided against it. Suho followed her, because he really just wanted to see her. She’s become a sense of comfort for him, her mere presence seems to help him. You can tell by how he holds on to her, how he practically melts into her when he’s holding her. She’s helping ground him, she’s helping him heal because he said it didn’t even hurt anymore. She is HEALING him, without even realizing it. Having her in his life, it’s helping him want to reconnect with this side of himself that he’d abandoned when Seyeon died.

Jugyeong is a worry wart, Suho teases her of such, but you can tell just how much she worries because she visits constantly while he’s in the hospital, she brings him things, and even after watching him experience yet another panic attack and get put under sedation, she remains at his side. Holding his hand, even if he doesn’t know she’s there, she wants to be there for him like he’s there for her. This is further cemented after news breaks about Suho’s dad, she’s there again, because she wanted to give him a hug. He told her he missed her, and here she was. But she just wanted to give him comfort because she knew he’d need it, even if he had an awful relationship with his dad, it was his dad. He had to feel awful and she wanted to be there for him. They want to be the other’s support system, and that’s honestly a beautiful foundation for a relationship and it can help in both their healing journeys in general.

The latest episode just further cemented by support for them as a couple, because they were so freaking adorable? The video call? Her worrying about him, her doing research to tell him things he should eat to ensure his leg heals faster? The hearts, and even though Suho is so dumb sometimes, he still offered her affection through the video call. Then when he showed up at her house for them to hold hands to the bus stop, because this boy is craving physical touch. (He apologized again for what he said before the accident, so yes) But you can tell he really is feeling comfortable with showing her affection because he literally leans on her at school, using his injury so he can be close to her at school. He’s always watching her too, because you can tell that protective instinct is there, and when she’s unhappy he looks visibly worried.

Also the immense respect he has for his relationship, remembering what Seojun told him, he straight up tells Sujin that he’s taken, by Jugyeong, the line more CLEARLY drawn each time he sees Sujin because he needs her to understand that he only likes her as a friend. His obvious visible worry when she doesn’t seem like herself, to the point that he tries to get her to talk to him, just like she’s offered to be a listening ear to him, he wants to reciprocate. He wants her to know that she can talk to him, which is why the second hand holding scene is amazing, it’s the opposite of earlier in the episode where she held his hand in the hospital. In that moment she was comforting him, but now he was comforting her. THEY HELP EACH OTHER.

Anyway continuing on with Sujin and when she throws away the necklace he gave Jugyeong, you can see that he’s hurt because she’s supposed to be friends with Jugyeong and here she is throwing away something that is important to her. Now as he’s walking away after that exchange, you see him begin to text Juju to not look for the necklace, but he doesn’t send it. What’s this boy doing instead? He goes and buys a new one, because he knows Juju will look all night for it, and he doesn’t want to hurt her and say hey your best friend threw it away because she’s jealous we’re dating. He knows she’s suffered a shit ton (although he doesn’t know the extent that someone she considered a friend betrayed her, just like now) and she doesn’t need to think that her friends are out to get her. So he buys a new necklace, and then he places it so Jugyeong can find it, and he’s happy that she’s happy. Because she’s so relieved to find it, after all it’s precious, Suho gave it to her. Just as he treasures things he’s received from her (I bet you the hair tie and the candy bar are in his apartment still) and he uses the things she bought him for his anxiety (again she’s taking care of him, doing research to assure he doesn’t feel anxious again, so she buys him all the things to help with anxiety).

Them holding hands is precious, and the way he puts their entwined hands in his pocket slayed me. That’s it, that’s the sentence. MOVING ON.

Overall I feel like they work amazingly because they’ve seen each other at their lowest points, and they also want to help lift each other up. They will do anything to lift each other up. They can help each other heal, not saying that they won’t need other help, but their relationship will be beneficial to them in the long run if they continue down this path.

#not a beauty (ooc)#me trying to get poetic (meta)#true beauty #lee su ho #im jugyeong #lim jugyeong #true beauty drama #ship fodder

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gettin-a-lil-hanse · 3 years

Text

You Found Me - Chapter 3

Read it on AO3

Pairing: No pairing (but SeongJoong is involved)

Genre: Slight Fluff, Angst

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2k+

Summary: Wooyoung opens up about his past.

Tags: Kitty Hybrid! Wooyoung, Found Hybrid, Abandonment, Caring For a Kitten

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of abuse, mentions of death, mentions of scars (not related to self-harm), unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcoholism, mentions of homophobia, mentions of prostitution, mentions of sex trafficking (?)

A/N: This chapter will be much heavier than the last two, and I want you all to please read the trigger warnings, and please read with caution. Take care, take time if you need to.

The trip to the vet went as smoothly as any normal vet appointment is expected to go. (Vet? Doctor? Hongjoong really wasn’t sure what to call it.) Wooyoung was not very fond of the intimidating-looking doctors and acted accordingly. Honestly, Hongjoong was a bit surprised, seeing as the hybrid had taken a liking to the couple fairly quickly, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind.

Hongjoong stayed by Wooyoung’s side throughout the duration of the visit, providing him with the necessary level of comfort needed to get through the appointment. In the end, the vet deemed him healthy aside from slight malnourishment and some bruising. The vet also told the couple that hybrids coming in with scars like his were a pretty common occurrence as of late and that it was a clear sign of abuse, but Wooyoung tuned out of the conversation at that point.

From there, the three of them took a drive to the mall. Hongjoong insisted that they build the hybrid a brand new wardrobe consisted of the highest fashion, though Wooyoung tried to convince him that comfortable clothes are all that he needed. Seonghwa could only laugh, knowing deep down that he too was excited to finally get to dress someone that would (probably) cooperate and let him. Hongjoong’s and Seonghwa’s styles clashed quite a bit, so it was rare that they got to dress each other up.

Wooyoung quickly found out that he hated the mall. There were too many stores, too many displays, too many people. Everything was too much. The stores had bright, colorful signs, many of them flashing which was extremely distracting. Honestly, how was someone supposed to get through their shopping with everything like this? But that wasn’t even the worst thing. No, the worst thing was the staring. It seemed like, from the moment the three of them walked through the automatic glass doors, all eyes were on them. Wooyoung couldn’t tell if the eyes were on him or the couple, since they were so unabashedly affectionate with each other. Even Wooyoung knew that this side of town was known for being full of stuck-up, high-class rich people. As a matter of fact, all of the stores in the mall, as far as he could tell, were high-end and expensive-looking.

“Hey, Hongjoong? I thought that we were just getting clothes for me to wear around the apartment?”

“Sweetheart, we’re buying you clothes. It doesn’t really matter where you wear them.”

Hongjoong chuckled and pulled the hybrid into his side, making for a very awkward walking position which only drew more attention to them. Wooyoung leaned in close to whisper into his ear, eyebrows furrowing and creating crease lines on his forehead,

“People are staring…”

“People always stare.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“More like I’ve learned not to care. Those people don’t deserve my energy, let alone my emotions. It’s not easy, of course, but it’s better this way.”

Hongjoong turned to face the hybrid still tucked under his arm and for a moment—though it felt as if they moved in slow motion—Wooyoung forgot how to breathe. Wooyoung swore that Hongjoong poured glitter in his eyes. How else would they sparkle so much?

“Don’t let unworthy people take up your time and energy.”

“You know,” Seonghwa started, snapping Wooyoung out of the trance he didn’t realize that he was in, “Hongjoong taught me a lot. It’s cheesy, but he really did make me a better person, and he still does to this day.”

Hongjoong let out a soft laugh, loosening his grip on the hybrid’s shoulder to move his hand to his back.

“I have that effect on people, apparently.”

------

The shopping trip came and went without too much fuss—seeing as the hybrid wanted no more attention on him than there was already—and the boys filed into the apartment with armfuls of bags. Hongjoong, ever the chatterbox, kept the mood up and kept the conversation going. Hongjoong loved his days off and was in a very good mood. Now that they had an addition to the household—temporary as it may be—he cherished his time at home even more. So when he got a call from work saying that he needed to come in for an emergency meeting, he was visibly upset. The only bright side, he figured, was that Seonghwa and Wooyoung would be forced to spend some alone time together. He hoped that they would be a little less awkward by the time he got back home.

Seonghwa and Wooyoung sat in the guest room that they spent the afternoon cleaning and removing tags from, folding, or hanging up Wooyoung’s new clothes. There was a thick silence between them until Seonghwa decided that now was as good a time as any to try to get to know him.

“So, tell me about yourself.”

Wooyoung’s ears flicked as he looked up, a bit caught off-guard by the blunt statement.

“Well… what do you wanna know?”

Seonghwa shrugged with a slight smile playing on his lips, eyes cast down on the shirt he was so neatly folding.

“I mean, the more we know about you, the better.”

Wooyoung finished wrapping a jacket around the hanger and stood with a soft sigh, hanging the item up in the closet.

“Where do I even begin… As you probably already know, hybrids are created in labs by scientists and then sold to various facilities. From those facilities, we’re sold to buyers and I was sold to a nice young woman. She was my owner, but she hated addressing the relationship as such. She really cared for me and when she fell sick, I did the same for her. It got to the point where I spent every waking minute caring for her, but I didn’t think anything of it because she started to get better. So when she passed I was absolutely devastated.”

Seonghwa saw the shift in his face, grabbing his hand gently and pulling him to sit before he got too lost in his memory and broke down on the floor. To his surprise, the tears gathered but never fell, so he stayed quiet, allowing Wooyoung to continue.

“After she passed, I, along with her other possessions, was auctioned off to the highest bidder. The bidder that I was auctioned off to was an assistant for a man who ran a “hybrid home” which, news flash, was nothing like a home. It would be more accurate to call it a hybrid whore house.”

Seonghwa’s jaw clenched, taking in a breath through his nose. He shouldn’t be so angry since Wooyoung was alive and well now, he thought, but something akin to rage began to bubble up in the pit of his stomach.

“To say that my life there was miserable is an understatement. We barely got an opportunity to look after our hygiene, they kept our schedules packed with clients, and when we weren’t busy with either of those things, we were probably being scolded for something. Nothing was ever good enough for The Master. Someone was always doing something wrong in his eyes and he made sure that we paid for it. That’s how I got to be so… beat up. I don’t know if you saw them, but I know for a fact that Hongjoong saw them when he bathed me…”

Wooyoung toyed with the hem of his shirt before lifting it up, revealing the fading bruises and various-sized scars lining his back and torso. Seonghwa’s eyes racked his body, tears of anger welling up in his eyes at the sight. But, again, he kept his feelings down.

“I… We have something to put on those scars that will help them heal. That is if you would like…”

His voice was unsteady and Wooyoung chanced a glance over at him. He could see him holding back, could see it in his eyes.

"You don't have to feel bad for me. I'm okay, see?"

"It's... It's not that, I just... I just wanna protect you at all costs even more now." Seonghwa let out a wet laugh, taking a deep breath to keep tears back. "You know, Hongjoong really is a healer of sorts. He saved me too. Although my conditions were nowhere near as bad as yours..."

Wooyoung's tail flickered in interest.

"Saved you how?"

"He saved me from myself. Before we started dating — no, before we met — I was in a bad place. My family, god I haven't spoken to him in years... They never accepted me for being bisexual, so they kicked me out of the house. I stayed with my girlfriend at the time while I tried to find my way."

Seonghwa stood, walking to his bedside drawer to grab ointment to coat his bruises.

"Why do you just have that by your bed—"

"Don't worry about that. Anyway, I was staying with my girlfriend and she wasn't... the best, you know? She made me feel lesser than I am, she treated me like shit, to say the least. I loved her nonetheless and took it all. I couldn't get myself to leave her, but it became unbearable to be at home. So I started hanging out elsewhere."

Seonghwa helped Wooyoung remove his shirt while he talked and began carefully tending to each individual bruise.

"Bars became my favorite place to hang out. I would stay out late drinking to the point where I almost lost control. It just overall wasn't a good time in my life. I wasn't happy; every day, simply existing felt more and more like a chore. That is probably the lowest I have ever felt in my life and I didn't think that there would be any coming up from there. I was drowning in bad thoughts."

Wooyoung could feel the emotion bubbling up in Seonghwa, could feel the pain.

"Hongjoong literally came like a light in my life and helped me get out of that dark place. I started to see him at the bar more often." Seonghwa smiled fondly to himself, hands moving gently over his skin. "He would come just to check up on me and talk to me. He kept me company, made sure I drank some water, made sure I got home okay. Then we started to hang out outside of my dark hours in the bar, and it got to the point where I didn't even need the bar anymore. Or alcohol anymore—not as much, anyway.

“Hongjoong was the one who helped me gain the courage to break up with my girlfriend. He helped pick up the broken pieces and he's kept me together ever since. So yes, he saved me. I appreciate him much more than I could ever say but don't tell him that. His ego is big enough as it is."

"Do you think you were meant to meet him?"

"Of course I do. If someone is up there watching over me, they definitely sent him to me."

Wooyoung nodded, thinking to himself for a moment.

"Hongjoong adores hybrids, you know? For the longest time, he's said that he wanted to adopt one, but I think that he is absolutely enamored by you. If you stay with us, you'll be taken care of, treated well. If not, he's gonna do everything in his power to get you somewhere where he knows that you'll be safe. He has a good heart, and I think he was meant to find you too."

"It's just... After all I've been through, it's a lot to think about, you know? I don't know if I can put myself in a position to trust someone like that again."

Seonghwa hummed and nodded in understanding, pulling away once he was finished to look up at him.

“I know it’s hard to trust anyone after so many people treated you wrong and let you down. I’m sorry that you had those experiences, but I believe that you will be able to open your heart again. Some day. You’re strong, you’ve already come so far.”

Seonghwa ended with a kind smile and moved to pass back the shirt he was wearing before pausing.

“Ah, would you like to put on your new pajamas? They’re much softer than these old things.”

Wooyoung thought for a moment before shaking his head and taking the shirt back from Seonghwa gently.

“I’ll… put those on later. After my shower? Before bed? I’m comfy in these now…”

Seonghwa didn’t push it and just smiled.

#8makes1teamnet #atzinc #kdiarynet #kwritersworldnet #chye’s writing #ateez #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez fics #seongjoong fics #seongjoong angst #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung angst

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idealnreal · 4 years

Text

Maruki palace overanalysis part III

Thanks to @appleyjuiceboy for helping with the insanity, and @goalexstark for requesting. Part I, Part II. Really long post ahead. Lots of feels.

Back into the palace monitoring room, the cables are gone. From this point on, we will encounter six journal pages, four memory rooms, and three will seeds. According to Morgana, Maruki likely never intended the memories to be seen. Will seeds are mini treasures -- aka sources of distortion. While the journal pages, like all diaries, are meant to be private. We have come to the depths of his psyche-- perhaps manifesting beliefs that he is not fully conscious of, or tries to keep hidden from others. And in this second-third of the palace (starting from the cables to the garden puzzle) we also see his systematic view of the world in full force. This will be a long post.

So starting with this first part, we come to a dimly lit corridor with similarly dimly lit rooms full of filing cabinets and mini monitoring rooms with circular stations. In one of the filing cabinet rooms, we find the first journal entry. Before we get into the text, it’s interesting to note that the journals are signified by a mess of papers strewn about, with the metaverse logo sorta watermarked over it. We will see the same sort of mess again in the memory rooms. For someone who is quite calm, organised and systematic, these messes always signal something important or emotional for him. One can imagine Maruki, flustered and upset, searching for something, throwing the papers around.

The first journal entry is found sticking out of some filing drawer. The text is as follows:

“ Feb. 2. Tomorrow is Rumi’s birthday. I’ll be meeting her parents … My hands have been shaking an awful lot lately. Will they let their daughter marry a low-level researcher like me? Now I’m getting even more anxious… When I told Rumi how nervous I’m getting, she just laughed and said I think too much. She may not have understood my problem, but I do so love her laugh. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with my nerves like this, but I need to lie down anyway. I’ve been getting the worst headaches lately… I might be pushing myself too hard for this thesis. I just really want to be in top form tomorrow. I know this diary was originally just for research notes, but now I hope I can look back at it with Rumi someday and feel nostalgic.”

When Maruki set the February 3rd deadline, he said that this was the day “ I lost everything that mattered to me,”. Rumi and her parents were attacked on the night of her birthday, and on the night they announced their engagement to her parents. The night that was supposed to be happy and full of hope for the future became the worst possible night of his life.

Maruki seems to suffer from some anxiety -- but of course any person would have nerves before announcing an engagement. He’s worried that he isn’t good enough for Rumi or her parents. That they wouldn’t accept him as a son-in-law, or as part of the family because of his occupation and standing.

It also seems that even at this point, he has started to awaken to his persona, with the headaches and shaking hands. This is interesting because within this game’s logic the person needs to have at least some interaction with the Metaverse and have a will of rebellion to awaken to their persona -- or to even start awakening to it. He was already working on cognitive pscience at this point, and he was aware of the potential benefits of it’s use -- as a form of psychiatric therapy. He was already rejecting the status quo of life and of his field -- there was another way, a more effective way, to heal people. And it’s also possible that this note is hinting that he has had some fleeting interaction with the Metaverse. Afterall, we see that people who first enter the Metaverse experience headaches. But the game doesn’t give any more hints on this.

The second journal note is also within the same area, near what looks to be some kind of video tape archive. The note reads:

“ Apr. 9. I just can’t believe what’s happened. I’ll never see Rumi’s parents again… I don’t even know if Rumi will ever come back to me. Her heart’s been completely closed off ever since that day. Why did this happen? What did Rumi do to deserve this? Do we really have to go on suffering these consequences? My headaches are getting worse -- I’m even starting to hear things. Am I having some kind of breakdown? I can’t lose it … I have to do something to help Rumi.”

This entry is dated two months after the incident. We don’t see any entry in between, or any hint or any other expansion into what really happened during the incident. As far as we are told by Maruki himself is that it was a burglary that killed two people and maimed a third. Which to me, is highly suspicious. Burglars would not kill, not even when they are desperate. And it’s even more unlikely in Japan with one of the world’s lowest murder rates.

We know for a fact that Maruki tends to lie or wave away details when it comes to his own past and own feelings. Like when Ryuji asked him if highschool is when he first found romance, and when Maruki said that he and Rumi just broke up because he was ‘spineless’. I suspect there is a lot more about this incident that Maruki isn’t admitting to us-- but neither the palace nor the game ever explains it. (I have a theory, but that’s for another day).

If there is more to it than a burglary, it’s very likely that he’s suppressed it so much and hid it away somewhere that we never get to access. It’s also telling that all references to the incident are all in relation to Rumi’s pain and how it was she who suffered that night. He never even admits that he too lost something that night, and is still suffering from the trauma.

So the two months between the entries as well as the opening two lines, also signal that he was indeed traumatised by it. It’s not hard to imagine that in those two months, he couldn’t process what happened, and even by April, he still questions accepting reality. He also thinks that he’s having a breakdown -- and one doesn’t need to be a psychiatrist to know that when one starts having auditory hallucinations, it means something is really wrong in the brain department. Of course, we can infer that these hallucinations are Azathoth trying to manifest, but as far as Maruki knew, he was indeed losing it. But he forces himself to pull it together, to suppress this pain and to hide his symptoms, for Rumi -- and for his research.

It is likely that he avoided getting help or admitting that he was suffering from migraines and hallucinations. The chances of his research being funded, accepted, and published, all hinges on his reputation as a researcher. And unfortunately, as much as Japan has come a long way -- it is still detrimental to any professional to be diagnosed with a mental disorder. We also know that at this point he was already looking for funders and backers for his research -- reputation becomes everything.

We come to a room that looks like a server room, and this is where his first will seed is. The server room is a mess of tendrils and cables -- while the door itself is barred by a holographic lock, and some branch-like tendrils. The ‘flower’ looking textures that surround the door are holograms again of what looks like circuits.

Voice tracks will usually play upon opening a will seed door, which is usually the palace ruler reinforcing their distortion, and Maruki’s voice track is one of the more audible ones. The tracks will play randomly for each door, so there’s no order to things. Thanks to Jester for making out what they say:

“R-Rumi… I-I…”

“No matter what I need to do… I’ll reach my goal.”

“What can I do to make you understand?”

“What’s wrong with an alternate reality if everyone is happy?”

“I’m so close… just a little further…!”

“Just a little more… and everyone will be happy…”

“Why… why can’t we come to an agreement…?”

The man is tired, and he’s pushing himself to keep going. Some of the tracks are also questions, probably in response to Joker and the Phantom Thieves, trying to reason with them.

Moving on from this, we find more monitoring rooms, with lots of screens, cables, and glass floors that look down into what looks to be server rooms. The rooms are typically dark, illuminated only by the neon teal lights and screens.

We also then come across the first locked gate, with an authentication question. The fact that these gates require the intruder to at the very least know some parts of his past -- signify that he does want people to understand him and where he’s coming from, as uncomfortable as it is. This is especially important given how closed off he was about his past prior to this-- represented by the fact that the only way you can get these answers is watching memory tapes that, according to Morgana, are likely memories he has tried to suppress. Speaking of which…

Before we go into the memory itself, I want to note the design of these rooms. As highlighted before, messes like strewn paper, disorganised shelves, represent something emotional or upsetting for him. And no better is that demonstrated than in these memory rooms. Papers are strewn, filing boxes and books are stacked haphazardly, filing baskets and stools lay toppled. There is no clear organisation or consistency in these rooms -- and it looks as if someone had come in, thrown everything around, as if searching.

These rooms look very old-school research rooms and are lit only by an old CRTV -- in direct contrast to the high-tech aesthetic the rest of the palace has. And most of all these rooms look abandoned and forgotten. These rooms hint at the core of his self -- before he became obsessed with healing the world, the self that was confused and lost after the Incident.

It’s also interesting to note the fact that his memories play on the very small CRTV -- while in comparison earlier Sumire’s memories played on a wide screen LCD TV. He puts even more distance with his own (grainy) memories than the memories of someone else.

Okay, now we get to the first memory tape.

It starts off in Rumi’s hospital room. And from a later journal entry, we know that this is at least sometime in August, which means its been six months since the Incident, and four months since Takuto began to write in his journal again. Rumi is in a catatonic state, and it seems that she is somewhat responsive -- even if she can’t speak or move much.

Takuto is trying to cheer her up by suggesting that he bring her snacks and flowers. His tone is cheerful and gentle, knowing that Rumi can understand him -- but is simply unable to respond or speak. He knows she’s traumatised, so much to a point that she’s too scared to move. He’s trying to show her that it’s safe, and most importantly, that he’s there for her. Being an empath, loving her as much as he does -- this would’ve been incredibly painful for him. But for her sake, he tries to smile.

He then goes into telling her what’s been going on in his life, and explaining his research and how he wants to use it. From this, we know at least one of the first uses he envisioned for cognitive pscience was to stop crime before it’s committed, by changing distorted cognitions that lead people to doing bad things. He wants to make sure what happened to Rumi would never happen to anyone else. This is perhaps going one step further than what the PT are doing. Yes they’re both stopping criminals, but in Takuto’s conception -- it’s stopping crimes before there are any victims, rather than waiting for victims to be created.

He also tells her that there are some potential investors into his research, and that theres a chance that research into cognitive pscience will be properly funded. He’s excited for it because it is the first step to bringing cognitive pscience into real practical use. This also hints that at least for the past few months, he’s been working on his research again -- and trying to hide his symptoms (re: hallucinations, migraines) because he’s actively looking for funders.

He tells her that the ‘culprit’ has been caught and that she doesn’t need to worry anymore. He then mentions ‘Family’, and Rumi responds to that, repeating ‘Family’, then ‘Takuto’. As far as we can tell, these together seem to be her triggers -- and she’s sent into a PTSD episode. She yells for her parents to be given back, and cries out for them. Takuto tries to calm her down, but is unable to until the nurses arrive and (probably) sedate her.

This is another hint that the Incident was more than a simple burglary -- and somehow Takuto was more involved in the Incident than simply a bystander who couldn’t protect her when the burglar ‘was trying to escape’. And it’s also suggested that during this Incident, Rumi’s parents were being held -- perhaps as hostages?

I have a theory that the Incident was really more of an attempted assassination of Takuto -- very likely by Shido (who we know does know of Takuto’s research). While we don’t know the exact years the Incident took place -- from the journal notes, we can safely say its AT LEAST two years prior to the start of the game. I would go further to say that this was before Wakaba’s death or even Goro’s awakening, because it seems that Shido doesn’t yet have the power to cause mental shutdowns. And because of that, he’s would try the old fashioned way to shut Takuto’s research down.

However, instead of killing Takuto, Rumi and her parents suffered. It’s also interesting to note --IF this theory is true -- why Takuto was left alive. But thats pure hc territory which i’ll leave for another time.

Also another hint to support this is basically other hints that Takuto -- like Sumire-- suffers from survivor’s guilt. He even mentions it when speaking to Joker and Goro in the beginning of the palace. It’s also hinted by the fact that Takuto has managed to change Sumire’s cognition so drastically that even he was surprised. This was because of how she spoke, and how she suffered from intense survivor’s guilt. But i’ll get into this more when we get to the third memory tape.

The doctor explains to Takuto that she was triggered, and Takuto knew that it was his own words that triggered her. He apologised for it -- and muses that she needs to be ‘set free from that horrible tragedy’. It’s at this point that his migraines return and he hears a voice. Then, Rumi starts to speak, “Takuto … Please… Stop this. I … Want to… forget,”

Rumi made her wish, and Takuto began to understand how exactly cognitive pscience can make that possible. And again, he hears the voice, clearer this time -- enough for him to understand and respond to it. In that moment, desperate to put an end to Rumi’s pain, to fulfil her wish -- he agrees to Azathoth (perhaps forming a contract and semi-awakening to Azathoth). In the Japanese audio version, he actually screams this part. Oof.

In an instant, her cognition is changed and she wakes up as a different Rumi -- a Rumi who’s parents had died when she was young, who lived with her grandparents, and therefore, a Rumi who has never met or grown up with Takuto. She’s forgotten everything that caused her pain before.

Takuto, shocked at this, begins to fumble around for a cover story -- trying to explain to this new Rumi why he was in her room and why he knew her name. Despite the dawning realisation that she has truly forgotten him, he tries to be cheerful and plays it off when she shows concern for him. He would do anything to make her happy, and anything to preserve her happiness, even if it is horribly painful for him.

The interaction ends when Rumi asks why he won’t be visiting again and “what about your girlfriend?”, and he replies by “She … passed away,” In this moment, Rumi’s portrait disappears from the text box -- signifying a stark break in Takuto’s perception of her. The Rumi he knew and loved really has passed away, and this -- he convinces himself-- is another Rumi. A Rumi that he must not see again.

He stands to leave, telling her that he hopes she feels better soon and “ I know the people who care about you wish the same”.

So for him, just as his life was starting to get back together after the literal worst night ever -- just as his research was starting to get funders -- he loses his fiance and long time love. This follows the same pattern as before, where the night of the incident was supposed to be a happy night where their engagement is announced, followed by a horrible attack and murder (possible assassination attempt on his life too). But that’s allright, hes NOT in pain!!! and suspicious of any good thing that comes his way!! because now, she can be happy. And that was more important than his own happiness!!!

Oof. Okay this got long and heavy. Gonna end this here ! Stay tuned for part 4.

#grief tw #depression tw #takuto maruki #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #(( me: looks at this post #(( i've outdone myself my insanity over this fictional character has officially gained sentience #(( no but really theres SO MUCH PAIN HOLY SHIT #p5r spoilers #f: notes #c: the self #(( RIP to my brainrot

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sunmoontruth-stiles · 3 years

Note

Can I request an interaction between void stiles and Malia

Ok I was going to save this until I finished the accompanying art, but my drawing schedule is so bad rn. I really enjoyed this one. I definitely feel like a true interaction between the nogitsune and Malia would have been so interesting. I will say though, small warning about this, it’s not super pleasant. All hurt, no comfort ya know?

---

When Malia left Eichen, she knew one thing; she had to help Stiles. In reality, she barely knew him. He'd helped Scott, an annoyingly moral true alpha that was a bit too altruistic for her taste, shift her back from how she'd been stuck for so long. Malia wasn't used to being human. Interacting with people was harder than she expected. She was aggressive and couldn't communicate for awhile. Maybe that's why her dad had been convinced to send her away to that place.

It hurt. When he signed those papers and left her. Malia didn't leave her room for two weeks, refusing to talk and growling at anyone who dared enter her space. When she finally did leave, it was all so confusing for her. The people were absolutely insane, but at least they didn't bother her too much. The endless therapy did help her communication skills. She was just starting to accept her new existence of endless repetitive days, and she was learning that life was just new ways for the world to screw you over. Then he showed up.

Stiles looked like shit. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, fidgeting, and yelling about needing to leave. Before she could think, she was on him. She punched him and intended to get all her anger with the world out on him, but they dragged her off and shot her up with yet another tranquilizer. The familiar weight spread over her limbs and the world went dark.

Malia quickly realized there was something wrong with him. Stiles was unusually on edge when she saw him around Eichen. Eventually, she helped him escape. Malia still wasn't exactly sure why she cared. Maybe she just wanted to believe there were good people in the world after all.

Sleeping with Stiles seemed like a good way to calm him down at the time. She'd been a coyote for eight years, and confidence in her own skin came with that. She liked him, maybe not romantically, but he felt safe and that was enough.

Malia tracked Scott, she had enough information to find him fairly easily. She passed along the information, and he seemed grateful. She wasn't sure what to do next. Scott seemed to pick up on her hesitation and maybe Stiles' scent on her.

"Do you... do you want to help us?" Scott asked her cautiously. He didn't know her well, didn't know if he could trust her, but Scott was always quick to see the best in people. Malia, not so much. She starred at him, searching his face for any signs of deceit or other intentions.

"I want to help Stiles," she said firmly, a simple clarification, but it was an important one. Scott nodded and caught her up on Stiles' situation.

He was possessed. A fox had their hold on him. She'd met the man fighting back, and she saw the toll it was taking on him. Malia knew he wouldn't last long.

She'd interacted with foxes before during her time as a coyote. They were cunning creatures, very tricky and hard to catch.

Malia left without an explanation, leaving Scott confused and slightly irritated. He probably figured she'd decided not to help them, but she never said she would. She wanted to help Stiles.

She tracked his scent, scouring all over town through the night. Eventually, around four in the morning, she found him. As she approached, she questioned that fact. Whatever this was, it wasn't Stiles, and it found her.

He sat calming, hands clasped between his knees, and a smile settled on his face. His eyes were dark. That warm, sunny brown was now cold and flat. The deep purple rings were set around his eyes, cheeks slightly gaunt, and his skin looked sickly. Malia wondered how he could have changed so quickly.

"Malia, glad you finally made it. It took you long enough. Those sharp senses sure have dulled down," his voice was laced with amusement. He was mocking her. Malia's brow furrowed. She held a safe distance.

"You're the fox. The one that stole Stiles' body," Malia said flatly. He only smirked.

"Stole is such a strong word. I prefer repurposing," he got to his feet and strolled over to her. Malia stood rigidly. He moved with purposeful, smooth movements. Everything about him was so different than Stiles.

She growled, eyes glowing blue. He only laughed.

"Oh Malia, don't lose your temper. They'll lock you up again. Poor feral little coyote. Killed her mommy and baby sister. Do you think daddy knows? Wonders why you're the only one who walked away? Wonders where you've been for eight years? Maybe he sees it in your eyes. The eyes of a killer. The monster that murdered his family," the fox smiled wickedly, using Stiles' face like a mask. Malia's eyes widened. Without hesitation he reached out, gripping her arm tightly. She winced. Black veins stretched down him arm and up his neck. He let out a relieved sigh.

"Oh that's the good stuff. All that torment and guilt. Your pain is deep and aged," he looked at her with such satisfaction. Malia looked at him with horror.

"Stiles..." she whispered softly, hoping to see any familiarity in the face just inches from her own.

"Isn't here sweetie," his voice was sickeningly condescending. Her face hardened, and she glared daggers. "What? Were you hoping to track me down, whisper his name like a prayer, and he'd just push his way out for you? You thought you meant more than his best friend? More than the girl he'd been in love with for years? More than his father? Malia, you were a simple screw in a mental institution as his lowest point. He's not gonna come running back to the crazy girl who went through puberty as a dog." The fox laughed in her face.

Malia tried to pull away from his grasp, his fingers only tightened. She willed her claws to come out but her hands only shook in fear.

"God you're useless aren't you? Can't even shift anymore. I bet you can't heal the same either..." he tilted his head and looked down at her arm. He twisted his wrist and forced Malia to the ground in front of him. His cold eyes looked down at her. She winced and let out a soft whine.

"He'll get out. Stiles is stronger than you. You underestimate him, and that's why you'll lose," her voice was like venom.

His face twisted with anger. The fox's eyes seemed to darken in a shadow of rage. Malia looked up with pride and spite.

"Stronger than me? I'm thousands of years old. I can't be killed. Stiles will whither and die in his own mind. He's fighting a war. I'm playing a game!" he screamed with unfiltered hatred and ferocity. Malia just smiled up at him, and she let out a sharp laugh. His eyes looked like they were aflame. He struck her down with his free hand, and Malia hit the ground with a hard Smack.

She pressed her palms into the cool concrete, digging her nails into the rough surface. Malia laughed, blood splattering out from her split lip.

Malia looked up at him, her rage breaking the surface. She lunged at him, knocking him to the ground. She rose her hand to strike him, but she hesitated when she saw the wicked glee in his eyes. Malia's eyes widened as she caught sight of her claws fully extended and readied slash across his throat.

He wanted this.

Malia pushed away from him and scrambled to her feet, horrified at what she almost did. He only flashed a wicked smile.

"Aw, done playing? Didn't want to paint the town red, Lover?" his eyes were fixed on her, still laying casually on the ground at her feet.

He got up and tilted his head, walking closer. She sucked in a sharp breath and took a step back. The fox grabbed her wrist and pulled it close to him. He examined her claws carefully. She tried to retract them, but they stayed adamantly present. He took her hand and brought it to his face. Malia looked on with horror as he dragged one of her claws down the side of his face. The blood dripped down her hand in bold, red streaks.

"Does it feel familiar? The blood of someone you care about soaking your claws?" There was a amused glint in his eyes. She felt sick.

He grabbed her waist and pulled her close, "Oh come on, darling. You think you can side with Scott's pack? You're not one of them. You're like me. You're a villain. You can't be good," he dug her claws into Stiles' cheek bone. The blood was trickling down his neck.

"They'll find a way to get him back," Malia tried to speak steadily, hold back the waver in her breath that threatened to show her fear.

"Stiles is void," the fox said viciously. He reached up and smeared the blood onto his fingers. He brought his hand to her face, cupping her cheek gently. It was not unlike how she touched Stiles before they kissed. He held her like that for a moment before parting and walking away with his back to her.

Malia watched, her claws slowly retreated, but the blood remained. It covered her hand, stretching down her arm and dripping onto the ground near her feet. A bright red smear graced her cheek. The sharp coppery smell of Stiles' blood surrounded her.

She had no one to turn to. No one in the world that made her feel like she belonged or was safe. Stiles was gone, his face being worn like a shield against his friends and family. Without him, she didn't know what to do next. Without Stiles, Malia was void.

#teen wolf #teen wolf fic #malia hale #malia tate #stiles stilinski #void stiles #Nogitsune #stalia #Malia x stiles #ask

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deepdonutkid · 3 years

Text

Tracing a shadow - part 2

Pairing: None

Requested: No

Word Count: 2822 words

Warnings: Drug use mentioned, underage drinking

Summary: Michael getting drunk and sad about the death of his big sister Anna.

Author’s Note: Maybe there is going to be a third part, where Anna lives... but I still not sure about this.

And virtual kisses and hugs for every like, reblog, comment or else!

Do not repost my work

A week was all it took for him to learn the truth. At first he was reluctant to ask, but after they had visited Polly’s new and suburban house, he knew that nobody else was home but Polly, the maid and him.

While waiting for the maid to bring the food, Polly said something that upset him. He looked just like his father and he didn’t know what to do with this piece of information. Should he be proud to look like the man who had beaten him? Michael bit his lip and stood silent. There were no words suitable for this situation.

Polly seemed to notice and explain how his biological father had died, smashed between the canal and the boot. Michael didn’t care about this. In fact he had already expected something similar. It was too quiet around the house. The presence of his father would have been noticeable.

He had no hard feelings about his death. The few memories about his father weren’t actually nice. So there was nothing to grieve about. And anyway, who said that he needed a father? Especially a father like this. Michael was almost a man and he survived this hell of a mess called his life all on his own.

But then after two days of staying at the house, he became jittery. There was a purpose for his arrival and he needed to fulfill it. Obviously, Anna wasn’t here, when Tommy did his research, maybe he didn’t just look for Michael but also for the long lost daughter of Elisabeth Gray. Or Polly knew something.

Well, this was speculated, but he wouldn’t give up and go, before he’d even tried. So he started looking around the house. Anything from her could be helpful.

Five days later, Michael went up to the house in the watery lane. There was something strange about this place and he hated every minute he had to spend there, but Polly was gone to work, so he could search unimpeded.

Soon he realized that his mother had vanished every evidence about her children around the house. It did hurt, but he could understand her. To lose custody was her lowest point. She told him something like this. At least she’d acknowledged that. This couldn’t heal his old scares, he knew, but it eased the pain. He told himself she changed for the better. Otherwise he wouldn’t have stayed.

The last room was their old chamber, Anna’s and his. He avoided going in there, but there was no way around it. Cold sweat ran down his back, when he stared at the door. Feeling the cold door handle in his hand made him gulp. His anxiety went through the roof.

Everything was still the same. He could tell that by first sight. In opposing corners were their beds. The bear figure from grandfather stood on the dresser. Anna loved playing with it. Being in this room was horrible for him. All the memories of her and his childhood rushed over him, crushed him to bits and pieces.

Suddenly he felt sick, almost like puking. He couldn’t be in this room anymore. Furthermore he was stupid to believe there was a hint about her whereabouts. Nobody was in there for years. Everything was dusted and it sort of looked like a shrine.

His feet took him out, faster than he could think. When the door was closed again, he was relieved. Without looking back, he hurried downstairs, mostly to get away from this nightmare, but also because he heard Polly entering the house.

‘Oh, you are here?’ she asked. Her eyes widened as she glared at him. Of course Polly expected him to be in the nice house with the ham and the maid and not here with his crumbled childhood memories.

Michael coughed slightly and nodded. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t find any good explanation for his behavior. Then he fumbled his hands in his pockets and faced the floor. It was like she caught him, but with was exactly? It was not a crime going into what used to be his room.

With his new found courage he declared: ‘I was upstairs in my old chamber.’ He signed, peeked at the big clock right behind Polly and then back to her. ‘I mean… Anna’s and mine.’

Polly’s mimic was somewhere between hurt and thunderstruck. He caught her off-guard just by saying her name. This was no good sign at all. Michael got the impression there was something she kept from him. He was no child anymore and she from all the people should know that. If there was some secret about his sister, he needed to know.

‘Where is she anyway?’ he dug deeper, regardless of her feelings. The tears filled her eyes and gave him a scare. Her hands were covering her mouth, as she mumbled: ‘You really want to know this now?’

Again he nodded but with the stoic calm of a child that has already been broken. Now the sadness hit him too. The world lost its color while she explained it to him. His heart ached. He couldn’t stand hearing about her death.

Suddenly his body felt numb. Her words were muted as his world began to shatter. Michael closed his eyes, so he wouldn’t cry, but it didn’t matter as the tears found their way out anyway. There was nothing he could do about it. Everything felt just so useless. Why was he even here? And why did he wait so long to ask?

Polly stumbled into him, probably with the intention of a hug, but Michael refused. Without a blink he pushed her away. Everything seemed to hurt him now, even the simple touch. A tear rolled down and hit his shirt. ‘I need to be alone right now’, was the last thing he said before storming off.

He just couldn’t stand how Polly looked at him and to top it off she wanted to nurture him. That was the last thing he needed. Outside he first didn’t know where to go, but before he should make one more step in any direction, he wiped off the wetness from his cheeks.

His head tilted as he stared at the greyish sky of bad old Birmingham. Suddenly he knew which way to go. Michael made his plan. It arranged itself in his mind, piece by piece.

First he went straight to the Garrison. There he greeted Henry with a dull voice and asked for liquor, cigarettes and a matchbook. For Tommy, he said, knowingly that this request couldn’t be denied. He had learned already, that his family was somehow the unholy rulers of this rotten empire. It was not like he had something against that. Actually it was quite useful. Being Elisabeth Gray’s son had his benefits. Without a second ask the barkeeper put a whole bottle, three packages of cigarettes and some matches on the counter. The whole time Michael’s face stood bland. He took everything with him and left in silence.

Now his pace wasn’t confident as he headed towards the fields just at edge of town. He should know the way, but his memory was blurred. In his head played a scene of Anna and him running around a willow which stood near a creek. Actually he didn’t had a good reason to search for this spot, but something in his gut commanded him to.

Somehow he reached his destination. Michael wasn’t so sure this was the same tree his sister liked so much, but it didn’t really matter, as she wasn’t here to argue with him and she never would be. He just wanted to feel near her, but that was impossible, so he went with the next best thing.

As if his body lost the last bits of energy he slumped down. In the mud he sat, unsure with what he should start; crying, smoking or drinking. He had never done this stuff, but now he needed to. Everything ached and especially his throat was bone dry. So he went with the whiskey first. How much he hated the taste of it. The burning feeling in his chest expanded and the liquor left bitterness on his lips and tongue.

Just like he had a task list to do, he put the bottle away and fumbled in his jacket for the cigarettes. Michael hated smoking even more than drinking but he still remembered how Anna stole mum’s fags for the whole purpose of acting so adult. ‘Butt me.’, demanded a squeaky voice in his head. It was Anna crossing his mind again and again.

With shaky hands he tried to light his cigarette. Out here in the field it was too windy so he moved closer to the tree. It finally worked, but even the few drags made him cough terribly. He leaned against the bark and started to blubber. While he walked here, he could still stifle his feelings, but now they wrecked him.

Everything was pushing him down, more than ever. The sadness took him hostage. He was so up his mind, that he noticed the cigarette on his leg too late. Now there was not only a hole in his pants but also a burn on his skin. With all his might he slammed the cigarette butt in the grass next to him. He didn’t need those anyway.

Somehow he was sad and angry and full of doubts, too much to handle for him all on his own. He needed her now, but Anna was gone and she wouldn’t come back ever again. Michael knew that but he refused to accept this. How could she be dead when they made an oath to finally be reunited again? She swore it and now… He was here, but she was not.

He was unable to grasp it. Her death seemed so unreal and yet it did happen. Polly told him the truth, she wouldn’t have lied. If there had been any chance Anna was still alive, she would have told him so. But then again… how?

‘She tried coming back even after she was adopted by another family, so they took her around the globe, where she couldn’t run. There she died.’ That was Polly’s explanation, but it wasn’t enough for Michael. He needed to know how. It would haunt him over and over again, if he didn’t know the details. In his head he imagined every possible way it could have happened, which just made it worse.

Anna’s face kept messing with him. He still remembered her brown eyes, that daring grin, that could win everybody over and how her auburn brown hair framed her face. His sister had glowing skin from all the days she spent outdoors with grandpa. She had a captivating presence and she’d known how to use it. How easily she could charm people. This would apply to animals too. Anna had something bold to her and god, she feared nothing. Nobody could intimidate her. That’s what he treasured the most about her.

As a child he had so much to fear. He was scared about everything and anything, but Anna had protected him. His big sister was hero and he thought she was invincible. She put up a fight with Arthur, who was at that time already two heads taller than her, just because she wanted her cousins to take her seriously. And after that they did. She incited John to steal money from his parents, which ended horrible. Everything she did and everything she was astonishing. There just was something about her, something so light and mesmerizing. How could she have been bought to her knees by a simple disease?

Now her light was out and Michael would never see it again. That insight hit him hard. His eyes were already red and swollen, but he couldn’t stop crying, even though he struggled for air. After all he still was a child and until now there was still something that hadn’t broken. This final piece shattered too and he would never be the same person. After all this pain he had been though, he thought in the end everything would work out for him and they would meet again. He still had the glimpse of hope, but that was gone, just like her.

Would she still look the same today? Or maybe she would have changed? Wore her hair short by now? Probably she would have been a blinder too. The flat cap with the razor blades would have suited her and she always had liked to mess with people, especially with Tommy. Anna laughed her ass off every time she successfully made Tommy mad. He fought a lot with her, but Michael liked to think, that his cousin still cared about her.

Suddenly he had a clear picture in his mind how she would look by now and it fucked him up completely. She should have lived. He needed her. How could he survive without her? And even though he knew that she was dead, there still was a part in him, that didn’t want to believe this. But that was just denial, the first stage of grief. Michael knew this, not that he could do something about this. Instead he just sat there and drank. He drowned so much whiskey despite the horrible taste, but it numbed the pain.

‘Why you?’ he sobbed: ‘You promised to come back. Why did you leave me alone?’ His sister wouldn’t hear his words, but he needed to say them. ‘What happened? You said to me, you would come back and save me. You know what they did to me. To us and then you were gone. They shouldn’t have given you to this horrible family. We should be together.’ His voice was accusing, even though there were no judges or benches. A fire burned in his chest. He demanded answers, but he wouldn’t get any.

‘Why did they break us apart? We were better together- a team.’ Michael mumbled into the void. ‘I needed you and you needed me. Why? God, why? I just…’ The words kept blubber out of him. Now he cried even uglier. ‘I… I… I just… can’t… can’t believe that you… are gone… and how?’ Thinking about this made him crazy. His own thoughts choked him and he let it happen. ‘Were you all alone? And where did it happen? Did you have any friends? Did someone hold your hand when you had died? Were you scared? Did you cry? I don’t fucking know and it kills me.’

Michael was drunk by now, but he didn’t feel any better. Actually it has gotten worse. The wind on the field was cold and he didn’t take his coat while rushing off. Now it was fucking freezing and he was all alone. The sky was getting darker and he could tell that the rain could start any time now, but he still hadn’t the power to move, not even an inch.

His tears had stopped and now he was just sad. God, he must have made a terrible impression, with the red face and the unkempt hair. While crying he had rubbed his face so much, that it hurt. While he sat here he ripped out some grass and watched it flowing in the wind. Downside to that was the grass all over him. Michael brushed it off his pants and then grabbed to bottle. When he drank it, he became so sick, he almost puked. In his anger he threw the bottle away.

There was nothing in him. The fire burned down and now it was just a pile of ashes. He felt empty and numb, which was relieving compared to the pain from before. It must have been hours, he had been sitting here. Michael was just tired, too tired to move a finger. Then everything got blurry and dark as his eyes closed.

When someone woke him up, much later that evening, he almost forgot where he was. ‘Fuck, you smell like schnapps. Pol is going to kill me!’ grumbled a familiar voice.

His head hurt like hell and Michael couldn’t think straight. The surroundings flickered before his eyes. He sounded so hoarse when he blurred out a ‘What?’

‘She sent everybody to look for you. She thought you went back to the other family.’ Explained John and hefted his cousin up. During this procedure Michael moaned like stubborn child. He didn’t want to go back and he certainly didn’t want to see Polly, but he didn’t have much of a choice. John dragged him back to the Watery Lane.

‘Did you really want to scoop?’ he asked. Michael didn’t know a lot about their world, but he already made the decision to stay. It was what Anna would have wanted.

‘No’ he replied: ‘Unfortunately… you guys have to bear me a little longer.’

#Michael Gray #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky fucking blinders #peaky blinders #peaky fookin blinders #aunt polly #polly gray #john shelby #Anna gray

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popcorn-hero · 3 years

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The Tales of the Todorokis

Acknowledging character development and writing character development is not and making excuses for ones crimes.

Disclaimer: I read, I interpret, I express. This is a long post filled with images. Also probably some horrible grammar

Apologizing: Apologizing is acknowledging ones faults and vowing to never commit the same mistakes. What has happened has happened. Nothing can change the past or the effect it had. What you do now, does not change or erase the past, but it helps guide a path of healing for the future. It can be the start of change and morphing into a better person. BUT, only if that person truly means it.

Apologies is not making an excuse for yourself.

Forgiveness: Forgiveness can be rightfully given, or not. It can be a tricky thing to understand at times. Forgiveness doesn’t remove the pain. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the memories. But for some people, forgiveness is a key to freedom, for inner peace. For other people, forgiveness doesn’t offer them that, and that's fine too.

We are not monoliths, we are individual people, with individual brains, with individual emotions, with experiences that affects us as individuals. Our stories might overlap - they might even be identical, but how we process it may not be.

I don’t like this narrative I’ve been seeing recently in the fandom of Horikoshi being an abuse apologist. I think Horikoshi is challenging us and its working.

The Tales of the Todoroki’s: Enji, Rei, Touya, Fuyumi, Natsuo, Shoto

6 people

6 perspectives

6 stories

1 truth

Each viewpoint and each experience from everyone is very important in putting the pieces together (yes, even Enji). In fact, I think it was important to have Enjis viewpoint to the situation because it was such a contrast to what we’ve heard and seen from everyone else. In Enjis mind, he truly thought everyone was complaisant. He saw nothing wrong with attempting to live vicariously through his kids. In the same breath he expresses contempt for this children, its also laced with disappointment

He speaks of Rei as though she was consensual, but we know he essentially used her a valuable Mare and hurt her as well.

His treatment of Rei cannot be erased, justified, or forgotten. It happened. We as the audience are suppose to carry that in our minds because we are reading a story about Heroes. This challenges us to understand that heroic actions is not what a hero makes.

There are cops who (most of them tbh) that become cops simply for the power dynamic, not because they desire to protect. A lot of cops abuse their spouse.

Rei: We are only introduced to her through the lowest point of her life and we have no insight on how Enji acquired her (yeah that sound harsh, but isn’t that what happened) nor her domestic life with him. What we know of her are scenes of her pain, and I think thats relevant enough. She may have had some “good” moments out of her situation, but she was still a mouse trapped in a lions den. Good days do not erase her state. Thats why this panel, was so odd to me

Because it implies that Rei was complicit in having kids even though we as the audience understand that he basically brought her for that single purpose. Now note, this is coming from Enjs mouth, not hers so I can’t sit her be like “oh yeah she was fine with everything”

To me, this is simply Enjis projection because what was Rei honestly going to do? Say no? But who’s to say that she didn’t want Touya to be lonely? Idk, that panel was too wishy washy for me.

Moving on

She replies to Natsuo by saying that's not true

Its not in his defense like how Natsuo claimed. Rei never states that she forgives him, and we can see she is still on her journey of healing when she mentions shes still a bit scared of him. However, she acknowledges his acts as stepping stone for his own path of atonement.

If she does come to forgive him later in the story, thats her decision (Horikoshi actually lol). If she doesn’t, that her decision.

Natsuo:

The only insight from Natsuo is his resentment towards his father with what happened to Touya and the hurt of their mother. It is revealed later that Natsuo was Touya confidant in the house (I’ll get into that when I talk about Touya).

But He doesn’t forgive him....or hes not at that stage yet

When endeavor saves him from the villain, we are able to see Natsuos raw thoughts:

He’s conflicted: He wants to maintain the peace, but he can’t deny how he feels.

Natsuo felt like he had to compromise his feelings, and that shouldn’t be fair. Even thought he is the middle child, I feel like he took on the presence of the big brother and wanted to protect his siblings. But when you have a man like Enji as your father and you know how he is.....standing up to him as a child is terrifying

So when Enji says this

I’m like: DUH! Of course he would feel like that

But I’m taking this scene has Enji recognizing how he made Natsuo feel as a child which showcases. he owns up to the fact that he pushed Touya to the edge.

Yet with all that said, hes not suppose to forget. Hes not suppose to suppress how he feels. And even at his age, that child inside him still hurt and was never offered a chance to properly heal. I know what that feels like.

Natsuo must figure out what he needs to do to find peace - however that may be.

Fuyumi :

We don’t have much insight to Fuyumi and I’m sure her experience is completely different from her brothers. One, because she was a girl and Enji is misogynistic, I doubt he gave her any type of attention as a father figure especially since she only inherited her moms quirk. I don’t recall signs of physically abuse on Fuyumi and (Natsuo), but there probably was demeaning behavior at some point. Just being in that environment and seeing their sibling subjected to that, negatively impact her however

But with Fuyumi, she is trying to move on

I think Fuyumi is on her path of forgiving her father - thats her choice to make to find peace for her experience. After expressing her desire to move on as a family, she ask Shoto how he feels....

Oh my sweet prince Shoto:

Shoto has a lot of baggage and being one of the main protagonist, we get a more in depth experience on his relationship with is father. I’m not going to go into too much detail because we all know he detested his father. I’m mainly going to focus on this middle ground that I find him at.

In the panels above he mentions having grudges and how it clouds the mind. Thats a toxic feeling to carry with you, especially when you’re trying to be a hero. He recognized that, and he’s been working on fixing that. Even his mother had to forgive herself towards what she did to him.

Shoto is not here to forgive Enji, hes here to forgive himself

What I mean by that is the fact that Shoto experienced self-hate. He hated a part of who was, how he looked, where he came from. He had no control of his childhood, but he now has control of his future. At the sports festival, that was Shotos first step towards finding his healing. It wasn’t about Enji apologizing to him. It was about him.

And now look at him, he’s more social, more expressive, more powerful once he began to love himself. He got there on his own and with the support of his friends.

It doesn’t change what happened to him, and it doesn’t erase his feelings However, it gave him control over himself.

This is almost the same position Natsuo is in. He hasn’t seen anything (yet) for himself that warrants him to forgive his father. Maybe we will see it in these later chapters... maybe we wont.

Thats his decision

And last: Touya

Touya, touya, touya touya......

I honestly don’t know how to tackle his situation, but shoot me

From this memory (by Enji), Touya appears...enthusiastic. He appeared that he wanted to train with his father.

And I think this is where things went wrong in his rearing. He was GROOMED .

Enji, being who he was, probably placed the ideas in Touya head of great success, importance, power, fame, ect. These things sound good to a child, and being the only child at the time, he had all his fathers attention. But as he got older and his quirk became incompatible, things started change.

Even before his quirk no longer became compatible for him, Enji still didn't see Touya as his ideal child, but he accepted it. Touya looks to be about 6 here meaning Shoto wasnt born yet or an infant.

Going by the ages given for Shoto, Fuyumi, and Natsuo I’m going to state that

Touya was 13 when he staged his death

Fuyumi was 11, Natsuo was 8, and Shoto was 5 and thats when we are introduced into in abuse.

So there is a 8 year window between Touya shift in his relationship with his father and the start of Shoto gaining his quirk.

That is a missing puzzle piece, and I can only speculate what happened in that time period to drive Touya to his mental breaking point and what his father did or, didn’t do for him.

Here, there is more white in his hair and he looks to be maybe 10? And this is when he starts to question his existence.

I can’t say all that Touya went through from the time Shoto was born to his faked death.

I think Touya suffered from feeling abandoned by his father father, the feelings of being a failure because of these ideals of greatness only to be sideline. That he was just a placeholder like the rest of his sibling and not worthy to work along his fathers side.

I don’t think he faced the same treatment from his father as Shoto did. I think he became blinded by approval and pushed himself to his limits to compete for Enji attention, He probably developed depression, anxiety, and a lot stressors as he became more and more incompatible with his quirk

And I think thats why there is the hate for Shoto because he feels like he took away his purpose ( which has nothing to do with Shoto but everything to do with Enjis grooming)

We know Touya is absolutely not on the scale of ever forgiving his father for what he did. For him to sit there and watch his father on TV and proclaim to be a hero when he knew what went on behind closed doors, it can drive him towards wanting to retaliate.

His story showcases damages of a broken child. Where Shouto found liberation, Touya remained bound to the ambers Enji left on his worth and lies on being a hero.

Not everything can be fixed, and once a crack forms, it will continue to spread until it shatters.

In conclusion

The Tale of The Todorokis is not to serve as excusing abuse. Its a showcase of how 1 man can affect the lives of many people in different ways. It is a tale of moving forward, finding peace, and gaining control over your own person.

Enji knows he can’t snap his figures and all will be well. Though I think some actions he could have done was to take it upon himself to address the country, come clean, and maybe retire as a hero, but he’s not a perfect character.

But I’ll take what I can get. Enji knows his place, he knows what he has done.

Happiness to his family is absence

Its there space

And there nothing more better he can do than that.

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