#mostly it sat in my drafts bc i was like what the fuck do i write as a header ‘this one hot kiss lift from mayerling’

[dozydawn]

Mayerling.

Melissa Hamilton and Rupert Pennefather.

Lauren Cuthbertson and Thiago Soares.

Natalia Osipova and Edward Watson.

Melissa Hamilton and Rupert Pennefather.

Natalia Osipova and Edward Watson.

Sarah Lamb and Steven McRae.

#obsessed #mayerling #ballet #kiss #couple #fave pics #lifts #i’m so glad this is hitting w folks bc this sat in my drafts for months cause i thought this is a post Just For Me and it’ll flop #mostly it sat in my drafts bc i was like what the fuck do i write as a header ‘this one hot kiss lift from mayerling’ #in the end i just settled for the ballet title ok everyone knows what this is #you guys are conditioning me to release more pose compilations from my hellish drafts #oh and ​one more thing... ice dance interpretation of this lift WHEN? i need a mayerling ice dance program stat please #1k #kenneth macmillan #pose compilation

[mamawasatesttube]

3, 9, 16, 25 for the ask game!

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

hmm!!!! hard to say but prooobably amok tim (when skies are grey) or the courage of stars!!! i do love heavy emotionality it must be said.

9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

i try!! not yet today tho bc this is the first time ive sat down at my laptop today 😭😭😭 ive been laid out flat with a migraine since 6am. BUT here's a bit of what i was working on yesterday!

Cass hates men like him, ones that love to wield power over others just because they can. Ones who love to hurt others, just because they can. Her hands curl into fists in her gauntlets, and she has to resist the urge to stamp her feet or punch something or to just scream. She hates being helpless.

16. At what point in the process do you come up with titles?

great question! it really can be anywhere. often i'll actually come up with the title before i have a fic to put with it, let it marinate for a few weeks to months, and then go OOH that's what i could write to go with that!! other times it comes to me while in the middle of the rought draft. still yet other times you can catch me staring at the new work page on ao3 and going ...FUCK.

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

a few times, mostly when i was younger!! i started writing when i was like 15 (whoof ten years ago) and Going Through Some Shit so in the "processing my own emotions through a proxy" way, def got myself going AOUGH a few times back then. these days it doesn't really tend to happen. (actually its funny, sometimes i'll be listening to sad music for writing and my beloved friend monty will message me like rimi???? all of those back to back?? are you GOOD??? and ill just have to be like. ah. yes. false alarm it was kon-related. yeah. yeah again.)

fanfic writer asks!

#answers #peacheel #hehe ty!!!!

[terrainofheartfelt]

do you have any headcannons or behind-the-scenes for "it's something new (because of you)"?

oh DO I

for starters i'm sorryyyyyy for letting this sit so long I have no excuse other than life and brain chemistry are Nuts.

BTS-wise, this one-shot within the universe was inspired by a photoset I stumbled across here on tumblr, and I thought: "that could be my blorbos" and lo! it came. I started drafting it while at was at my folks' for christmas, and then it sat in google docs in purgatory before I summoned the spoons to complete it. which at the time I thought was odd, because my general technique with smut is to write it all within the space of a couple days--they just flow differently than things with, ya know, plot, but this one incubated for a while, and I think it served it.

HCs-wise, I've jotted down a few about this universe and specifically the beginning of dair's marriage within it :)

this is how Dan & Blair (mostly Blair) announce the wedding:

Epperly guest writes a post for Blair Necessities covering the event/interviewing Blair

The morning the post goes live, Blair & Dan each post one (1) thing to their accounts

They each pick a photo from what their photographer sent them (both candid, because they look stupidly in love in those)

Dan’s caption is from the Auden Blair quoted in her vows to him: The years shall run like rabbits, / For in my arms I hold / The Flower of the Ages, / And the first love of the world.

Blair’s is a quote of a different kind: Reader, I married him. 

They make their posts from a sidewalk cafe in Firenze then shut off their phones. 

And the internet goes WILD

immediately there’s all these buzzfeedesque articles like “Blair Waldorf, Former Princess of Monaco has remarried,” and “Blair Waldorf’s New Husband Is Hot” and “Who Is Mr. Blair Waldorf?” and “Blair Waldorf Totally Won Her Divorce”

Just to fuck with everyone Blair posts another pic of Dan a couple days later. it's of him sitting at the window in their tuscan villa, pretty much the view Blair wakes up to in the beginning of it's something new. Caption: my huckleberry friend

They don’t see any of it til they check their messages over breakfast the next day. Dan loves the nomer “Mr. Blair Waldorf” and immediately adds it to his profiles (which he only made bc his agent made him). Sherri, said agent, almost makes him change them back before she sees the spike in his book sales. He was doing well enough on a debut, but now he’s doing really well. 

Thanks to his family’s caution (and the NDAs signed by the wedding vendors), no photos of Milo surface, he’s mentioned by Blair in her interview of course, and outside of W he’s only known as “Humphrey’s grade school-aged son”

Nate has a good laugh at it all, which he calls payback for all the good natured ribbing he and Serena got in the summer with “Serena van der Woodsen and Nate Archibald Eloped, Apparently”—a headline that spurred several never-ending phone calls from a horde of van der Bilts, and one—as Serena calls it—“ugly-ass gravy boat” (and yes, she did have to contribute to the swear jar for that)

I actually have MORE mostly about the work after something new, so don't mind me if I share those too ;))))

Speaking of Serenate, they’re on the move a lot and bring Sophie when they can, but she’s old so long haul trips to LA that are only a few days aren’t ideal. So they ask the Humphreys to dog sit a lot. Dan always outright refuses, because he knows that dog-sitting is only one degree of separation from “Why can’t we get a dog, Dad?” and he just cannot have that conversation. Again. 

There’s a lot of anxiety from all parties when Blair gets pregnant. There’s her traumatic history which flares up when it is most inconvenient, plus Dan’s trauma coupled with the fact that  he hasn’t done this part before. He missed almost all of Georgina’s pregnancy, so he doesn’t really know how to be. 

Milo expresses a flicker of concern because he knows on some level that the upcoming baby is genetically connected to his parents while he isn’t and he needs reassurance. 

Dan consults his brother Scott, who lived through a similar situation being an adoptee, and being an adoptee with a younger sibling that was born to his parents, and his perspective helps. 

They move from the loft to a Park Slope townhouse just after the New Year and just shy of the beginning of Blair’s third trimester. She’s not allowed to pick up anything, so she just stands in the center of the first floor and directs the moving until Dan makes her sit on the first chair they bring in (the one from his home office). A joke about a sedan chair is made, and then Dan immediately regrets it when she looks like she’s considering it. Milo’s her assistant when he gets back from school. It’s adorable. 

It’s more house than either Humphrey boy knows what to do with, but they follow Blair’s lead in putting it together. Her nesting instincts kick into overdrive—it’s quite a thing to witness. Dan acquiesces to hiring Dorota full-time so Blair doesn’t do too much. 

The fetus of when everything else changes is male, despite Blair and Milo’s good vibes. After he’s born Blair—hopped up on drugs—is like “A boy? I don’t know anything about boys. How do I raise a boy?” Dan gives her a funny look and reminds her that she’s been successfully mothering a son for a few years now, actually. 

I haven’t an earthly idea what that baby’s first name is (Otis? — I’m KIDDING) but his middle name is Nathaniel. 

Blair and Milo are very precious and anxious and fussy when the baby comes and Dan is much more chill. He jokes that it’s because he’s Blair and Milo’s first baby

Dan becomes a stay-at-home dilf, fulfilling his potential ♥️

Rufus leaves the decision of what to do with the loft up to Dan and Jenny, and they can’t really bear to part with it, so they keep it in the family. It becomes Jenny’s crash pad when she’s in NY, and eventually morphs into her makeshift atelier, where she works while she’s in NY. 

#stars I LOVE you for asking this I am always down to talk about this series <333 #asks #gg hcs #insistonyourcupofstars #miloverse #milo humphrey

[anx1oustig3r]

talking about writing woes under the cut, it’s like i’m not intending to whine but i understand the way i talk about things comes off more weird than i mean to so just, it’s under the cut anyway, i think it’s fair to want to get some thoughts out on my own blog

i sat down to try and get back to work on my fanfic and, ouch, OUCH. every time i stare at the document i just get this wave of defeat. a voice in my head over and over saying “this is stupid. this is pointless and cringe. this is way too over the top for a dota fanfic. why don’t you just turn it into an original thing because you butchered the source material so much you fucking loser your writing is also just trash garbage anyway.” and it’s like holy fuck i’ve barely even written a sentence, calm down.

it sucks bc i am so god damn passionate about this fic, i believe in sunbreeze with every fibre of my being. i genuinely want nothing more to just write a cool story about this part of a thing i really like that i see a lot of interesting potential in. and i do not want to come across as pretentious in saying any of this, but i want to also be able to show like, hey, you can do fun and cool stuff with this thing that has no lore, it’s possible!

but it’s not fun to sot there second guessing yourself repeatedly for hours on end because you can’t tell if this thing you’ve written is actually good or is it complete first grade tripe that has everyone who reads it laughing at you behind your back (okay im well aware that’s mostly paranoia but like, yknow). i want writing to be fun again, i wanna feel excited to make this thing but i feel dread. i thought working on a second draft would make me feel better, because i would be fixing things i hated in whats currently there, but im just locked in the same feelings i had when i slowed down on the first version, and that is i just i feel like this is all a clown show and the equivalent of people awkwardly passing by a busker on an empty street.

now i know the solutions are either take a break or turn it into an original thing but

a) ive already been taking a break and using my free time there to learn new skills, the result is i can 3D model but im also going fucking insane

b) no.

at the core, i’m just frustrated and would love to not listen to those bad feelings, but it’s been months now with minimal progress and tbh i am exhausted. part of me wants to hang up the story completely but that would also be admitting to full failure and proof that i cant finish anything bc my brain is broken, so that’s not cool.

i feel like i had a more productive ramble, but promptly forgot it as i was writing it, oh well.

#this is such a first world problems post lmao #im also extremely aware i sound like an egomaniac #trust me ive been ruminating on whether or not these feeling are valid for weeks now #but idk man #kinda hard to not feel sad when you just wanna work on something you love without feeling like shit

[totiredtowrite]

Oblivious

Warnings - Reader has glasses but they're mentioned like twice so feel free to gloss over it if you don't, reader is shorter than oikawa, cursing, reader has good grades & eye bags so if you don't/didn't gloss over that too, also its mentioned that reader has long eyelashes, hate-kissing? (ig that's a thing), sorta risque slightly, not proof read

Note: Uh, self indulgent af, so some of the personality traits are definitely personalized. (Just the high marks, glasses, not being over 6' 1", eyelash thing). Havent written in a while so have this ig, the end might be rushed bc i need to put more content out smh 🤕. Do you know how long this was sitting in my drafts?

FEM ALIGNED READERS (SHE/HER, SHE/THEY), DO NOT INTERACT

the dni is getting both bigger and longer

Oikawa Tooru got jealous easily.

It's not like he won't admit it. Sure he acts whiny sometimes, maybe even childish. That doesn't negate the fact that he's extremely smart though. He understands his own feelings, and he understands that he thrives off of validation from other people. (Not like he's proud of it, but he's working on crawling out of that hole).

And as selfish or narcissistic as it may seem, he doesn't know how to handle it when attention is on someone else. Or, in this case, when he can't seem to get someones attention.

Seriously! With as much shit as he's pulled, not one reaction comes out of you. And that's saying something, as he can weasel something out of anyone.

He isn't sure just where this desire actually came from. Maybe it was the day you were elected as the student council president. Before then, he hadn't even known you existed. If he did note you, it was brief and then he forgot about it. Hell, he didn't even know you ran for president until you were elected! You sat in the middle of the class, ate in the library, and went home. Literally nothing stood out about you to him.

Around that time was when other peoples attention started drifting to you too. Where you were previously some random guy, some student, now people were talking about you all the time. All of a sudden it was all 'the new council president' and 'I talked to him once!'

Now people were saying that you were handsome. That you were 'mysterious.' He hated it. Mostly because even he was starting to see the draw in you. His tunnel vision for your focus was starting to raise some questionable desires too. He won't even deny it, fuck, he wanted to know more.

He wanted to know why you didn't eat with other people. He wanted to know why you were so focused, so diligent, with your work. He wanted to know what you thought about him. For fucks sake, he saw how attractive you were. The bags under your eyes, that tired expression, it was all taking up his head space.

That frustration manifested itself in foolish antics, and, attraction. Embarrassing fucking attraction.

Oikawa was starting to lose his mind.

Only slightly, but he still felt insane.

Waking up this morning was a chore. He jolted out of bed from yet another dream about you. Well, he couldn't see your face, but he knew it was you. He could just tell, with how your skin felt underneath his hands.

It irked him how badly he wanted to cup your face in his hands in real life. He thinks, much to his own displeasure, that you'd look cute with your face all scrunched up. An unnatural growl-like noise emitted from his throat. Iwaizumi tossed him a confused look. Matsukawa and Hanamaki continued with their inane conversation about school budgets.

"If you're thinking about (l/n)-San again," Iwaizumi sighed mid-sentence, "you can stop."

Oikawa huffed dramatically. "I wasn't."

"Yes, you were," Iwaizumi said.

Tooru furrowed his brows. In truth, thinking about you was starting to become a habit. A bad habit, sure, an addicting habit, maybe. Almost like you were a drug. An addictive, pretty drug.

And by god was it hard to quit.

"Just don't do anything stupid," Matsukawa said casually. "You wouldn't want to scare him off."

Hanamaki snickered.

"I don't even talk to him," Oikawa snarled, "And I wasn't thinking about him!"

No one said anything else, arriving to the front gates of the school. Oikawa understood why morning practice was important, he works overtime almost every day, though it always left him slightly sore.

Going about his day sore wasn't fun by any means. Still though, he can deal. Especially since today he devised a plan to get your attention now. Every other plan he had failed to another degree. He went through practically girls in the school, getting a different girlfriend every week, all in the hopes that it would impress you. Make you jealous. Almost as if to say 'Ha, they like me better than you. I bet you're jealous you don't have a girlfriend!'

No surprise, it didn't work. You just continued doing what you always did. Oikawa could get girlfriend after girlfriend, maybe even a boyfriend, and you wouldn't give a shit. He even tried to make it obvious to you, standing near your locker with whoever he was dating at the time and being all lovey with them.

Still nothing.

It was honestly getting infuriating, at this point. Perhaps you were just playing some game, toying with him back because you knew it would make him mad. Because you knew he'd break first. No, today he had a plan.

That's probably how you ended up like this, with his hand by your head and a dark glare on his face. You nervously shuffled, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

"Uh, Oikawa-san?" You looked up at him, voice soft as always. "What was this about, again?" Truly, you had no clue what he was doing or why he was doing it. All you know is that he was always being weirdly loud with his newest partners near your locker and staring at you from across the room. Your words, however, didn't seem to diffuse the situation.

His other large, pretty hand slammed by the side of your head. "Sorry?" He forced a civil looking smile at you. "Are you playing dumb with me, (l/n)?"

You shook your head so hard you thought your glasses were going to crack.

Oikawa opened his mouth to finally confront you, then stopped. What exactly was he going to say? 'I've been watching you for months and you haven't given me attention?' After he didn't respond, standing there dumbly with his mouth open for a few minutes, your nervous gaze faded. "Are you playing with me?" You asked. "Because I have to get to class."

"No, no, if anything you're playing with me." Oikawa moved his face down and closer to yours, purposely letting his cool breath fan on your lips.

You shook slightly. "I don't- what are you talking about?"

He sneered at you, only slightly. "You know. Parading around being all smart, and not giving a shit when some people try to get your attention, acting like you don't know how infuriating you are!"

You bit your lip, hyper aware of how his eyes tracked the movement. "Was I- uh, was I annoying you somehow? I'm sorry if I was," you said.

Oikawa stopped. This wasn't what he had expected? You looked genuinely worried that you had offended him somehow. Not like an evil boy who knew how to get under peoples skin. Every detail from your face, from the bags under your tired looking eyes to your weirdly long eyelashes, seemed very...innocent. Like you weren't the heinous criminal he made you out to be. (Secretly, he knew you couldn't be that bad).

All at once he was flooded with his old dreams about you and his random fantasies. You were about to say something, though only a choked squeak left your throat as he leaned down to roughly push his lips to yours.

His lips were cool, like his skin. You hardly had the chance to breath with just how aggressive he was, pushing you further back into the wall and cupping your face in his hands. A couple more surprised noises left you before you relaxed into it, deciding that this wasn't all that bad. He was a good kisser, though it's not like that was a surprise. You closed your eyes and leaned into him, basking in this new, extremely odd feeling that just washed over your stomach. It was like you were taking a test, or about to speak in front of the class. It made you feel nervous, excited.

You jolted back suddenly, breaking the kiss when you feel his tongue pushing against your lips.

Shakily, you brought a hand up to wipe off any saliva left. "Sorry," you practically squeaked out, "I'm just- I don't know you like at all! This is the first time we've actually talked and I don't think I'm ready to make out with a stranger-"

Tooru shushed you. "I probably shouldn't have kissed you like that anyways," he shuddered. He was supposed to be giving you a piece of his mind, but here he is, almost shoving his tongue down your throat. Almost shoving his tongue down the throat of some boy.

His senses further returning to him, Oikawa quickly took his hands away from your face and stepped away, masking his disappointment at no longer feeling your warmth. "Just- don't tell anyone about this!" He said pathetically, turning to bolt away into the hallway.

As the classes started to let out, you wondered if anyone could tell how swollen your lips were.

Do not repost, translate, or copy my work on to other platforms.

#hq x male reader #m!reader #anime x male reader #x male reader #male reader #haikyuu x male reader #oikawa x male reader #tooru oikawa x male reader

[1kook]

kissanime & foreplay

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings; mentions of hentai yes u read right, kook leads most of it, cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc; more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 wc; 8.2k

notes; back when kissanime was offed I remember looking at this fic in the drafts like what the hell we gone do now.. n almost deleting it but I was like yknow what this isn’t a 1kook fic unless there’s smthn weird going on so here we are. also yes I know ohshc is on Netflix shut up!!!!! 

HAPPY BDAY MY LOVE AND MUSE JEON JUNGKOOK !!!! 🥺💜

—

The good thing about getting your own apartment is that you finally have a place to call your own. There’s no limit on how many potted plants you can squeeze into a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, and if there was one, you’re twelve in and no one has said anything to you yet. You don’t have to share the shower space with anyone, label all your products with a hastily scribbled name. There’s a bathtub—something you haven’t had the pleasure of using during college—and a fairly open living space. There’s so many empty spots to fill with useless decorations and family heirlooms and that ugly plastic rooster Jungkook won you at the summer kick-off fair last month.

The bad thing about having your own place is that the entire world and their mothers seem to know now. Despite graduating from college, you still keep in touch with your trusted graduate mentor Kim Namjoon, who is still very much in school, and has made it his mission to bring you a new plant every week, hence your growing collection. Your childhood friend comes over every Saturday morning to lounge around after her Friday nights out. Jungkook, although the only one who is ever actually invited, runs through your strawberry scented body wash like a madman.

And of course, Doyeon.

Your beloved college roommate of four years, Kim Doyeon, has been the bane of your apartment experience so far. Unlike you, who had slaved away for four years, saving every penny you made during college for this moment, Doyeon was a big spender. She blew every dollar she ever came across, which is why she’s going to be stuck living at her parent’s house for at least a couple more years.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, if she wasn’t the most maniac online shopper in existence. It hadn’t been a problem in college because she was always good old pals with the students who worked the mailroom. If they saw something questionable, they’d let it slide as long as it was under Miss Kim Doyeon, Room 229.

The reason it became an issue for her now is because it’s poor Mrs. Kim who signs over the package from Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! one Tuesday afternoon as it is delivered to their suburban home.

So now she’s taken to ordering all her freaky stuff to your new apartment, where the small cabinet by the door has quickly become home to her impulsive shopping habits. Truthfully, you don’t mind accepting Doyeon’s weird packages, and have long since grown used to the uncomfortable looks the mail carrier gives you.

Jungkook’s supposed to come over today and you really hope he doesn’t ask about the state of your hall cabinet. Now that you work at a small company outside of your degree to make ends meet, time with Jungkook has been significantly decreased. You weren’t in college anymore, so you didn’t have the luxury of dropping by his house whenever you wanted to in between classes. Of course, it’s mostly your schedule that conflicts with your planned hangouts, because Jungkook is still working his dream job from home.

However, because Jungkook is quite possibly the most amazing person on this planet, he’s started coming over every Saturday night to make sure you’re still alive and not dying. And so weekly media binges are a thing, and it’s currently week four.

He gave up on showing you the Marvel movie franchise last week, after you had asked where Wonder Woman was three times in a row. Since the Barbie Movie Debacle of last month, you’ve found a nice medium between who picks when. Jungkook picks most of the time, because most of the time you don’t really care. It’s become a running joke between the two of you that movie binges are usually just terribly masked excuses to go to town on each other, so you don’t mind missing an entire 15th Century French Revolution documentary if it means Jungkook is deep in your guts by the time King Louis XIV gets beheaded or whatever they did to him. Is it too obvious you didn’t watch the documentary?

Occasionally, there are instances where one of you genuinely does want to watch something, in which case you have an intense match of rock-paper-scissors to decide who’s picking that night. Most of the time, Jungkook wins. But for every match Jungkook wins, he promises you’ll pick the next one so you’ve long since stopped trying to actually beat him.

Long story short, last weekend you sat through a two part Ancient Aliens episode on the connection between aliens and American presidents.

It was the most god-awful conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of, but Jungkook ate up every minute of it. By the time the two hosts announced their conclusion you were just about ready to rip your own ears off and single-handedly fist fight every producer on the channel for allowing the production of such an atrocious show.

Anyway, because you had so bravely sat through the entire evening without complaints— well, no complaints towards Jungkook’s terrible taste; the show, however, was not safe from your wicked tongue —Jungkook has so graciously allowed you to pick the media for this weekend.

You’ve been telling him for the longest time that you were going to hook him on anime. It was one of the few interests you always believed Jungkook should possess, being a weeb and all, because it was only fair that he had one questionable trait to balance out the rest of his perfection. Liking anime isn’t bad— if a hottie like you enjoyed it, then it obviously had its perks. However, you know a lot of other people are turned off by anime-enthusiasts due to preconceived notions of the genre and the viewer-base.

Now, it was a widely known fact that you always had ulterior motives. So maybe turning Jungkook into a weeb was just a ploy to turn other women off from him and keep your jealousy at bay. Sue you, your boyfriend was a walking wet dream, and you’d do anything to keep him to yourself.

After long deliberation, you’ve decided on introducing Jungkook to anime with a classic: Ouran High School Host Club, a god among anime, a true Beyonce among shoujos. The only problem was that you absolutely refused to pay Crunchyroll or Funimation when you could so easily find the entire show on KissAnime.com, home to only the finest of hentai ads and Are You a Robot? questions.

He sends you a text when he’s outside your building, and five minutes later there’s a rap against your door.

“Hi,” you smile up at him, heart fluttering in that same trademark way it did whenever Jungkook was within a five foot radius. He smiles back softly, leaning down to peck your lips as you step aside for him to enter. He’s got on those cotton sweats that you love, the ones that send your brain into a censored frenzy. But he’s also got that soft curl to his hair that lets you know he came here straight out of the shower in his hurry to see you. How you managed to bag a dream boyfriend like him was beyond you.

You bask in the overwhelming feeling of unannounced love for all of ten seconds before Jungkook is lifting up a square package you hadn’t seen at his hip. “Mailman gave me this,” he says, waving around the signature bright pink packaging of Sexuality Unleashed. Jungkook, for all his politeness and respect, seemed to falter in those categories when it came to you. He turns the box over, reading the big fat name of the company on the side. “Since when did you start buying sex toys?” he asks rather loudly in the hallway.

You yank him inside, hurriedly slamming the door shut before any of your neighbors can come out into the hallway and get a peek of this avid sex toy consumer. “They’re not mine!” you hiss, standing still when he uses you to balance himself as he tugs off his shoes. You snatch the box out of his hands, turning it around to make sure it is actually addressed to your home. Sure enough, it’s for you. Couldn’t there have been some other sex toy fanatic on this floor?

With his shoes off, Jungkook wastes no time enveloping you in a hug, the Sexuality Unleashed box tumbling to the ground. “It’s okay, baby, no need to be embarrassed.”

You groan, leaning your forehead against his shoulder as he continues to pat your back like you’re actually embarrassed to be caught buying toys— you’re not. You’re embarrassed he caught you with a sex toy you simply can’t put to use. “Whatever,” you sigh, “your gross popcorn is in my bedroom and it’s probably stale.”

He releases you, not before pulling you into a slow and languid kiss that has you clutching tightly at the front of his shirt. He pulls away with a soft smooch, right eye falling into a wink. “Bring the box, gorgeous,” he teases, before sauntering off in the direction of your bedroom.

You groan loudly. “It’s not mine!” you repeat, but for some reason do as he says.

Not only do you have no idea what’s in this package, but you’re frankly not too keen on finding out. You’re more interested in Jungkook’s reaction to one of your favorite animes of all time. The package is tossed onto the end of the bed, where Jungkook has already stripped himself of his socks and cuddled beneath your covers.

Your laptop has gone dark from inactivity so you slam down on the space bar to bring it back to life. Your first mistake was pressing anything at all. It flickers back on alright, but you forget that you are working with a minefield of ads ready to explode. You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans.

“What the hell is this?” he asks in a tone that screams he has never had to fight viruses off his computer just to watch something at two in the morning.

You ignore him, cuddling into his side as you hurriedly type in the title of the anime before another annoying ad can intercept you. “KissAnime,” you answer for now, accidentally clicking down on the mousepad with the heel of your palm. Another tab opens up to some sketchy credit site. You huff.

“Baby, I swear I just saw like twelve viruses,” he says. “And what even are these?” he scoffs, jabbing a finger at one of the many ads that lines the perimeter of the website. “Animated teacher porn?”

By the grace of god, you somehow manage to get onto the episode selection screen without having another tab open on you. You smile in relief, turning the power of your excitement onto Jungkook… only to find his eyes narrowed in on the square advertisement for some hentai website. “What? You wanna watch hentai now?” you snort, placing the laptop on his legs as you cuddle into his side.

Jungkook sputters, cheeks tinting red at the mere insinuation he would ever consume such media. “No,” he glares, releasing the arm around your shoulders to huffily cross them over his chest. “I am not going to watch anatomically incorrect illustrations of a woman teacher relieving herself, ___,” he says rather matter-of-factly.

You snort, repeating, “a woman teacher,” mockingly and in a high pitched voice that, honestly, doesn't sound anything like him. You click play on the video box that appears after only about twenty more pop-up ads. “Silence, you nymphomaniac, the episode is starting.” Jungkook pulls you close with a displeased expression, finally quieting down when you put it on full screen and the ads disappear from his view.

You’re beginning to wonder if Jungkook really is the script and plot dissector he claims to be, or if he just lives to get under your skin. He doesn’t make it three minutes without finding something to critique. First it’s the quality of the frames, and then it’s the characterization of the lead character. He nitpicks everything about the best anime in existence, and by the end of the first episode you’re considering breaking up with him.

“Oh my god,” you groan, tearing yourself away from him. He’s all laid up against your mountain of pillows, tongue prodding at the insides of his mouth in that ridiculously attractive habit of his. Usually, you’d be tripping over yourself to kiss him, but you’re about two seconds from ripping his head off. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, baby,” you sigh, picking up his hand in yours. “You gotta shut up.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I have to shut up?” he asks in a scandalized tone. “You sang through the entire intro, off tune may I add.”

At this rate you’re getting nowhere, so you just snatch the laptop back up before you actually hurt his feelings. You escape the full screen, met with those hentai ads that are slowly becoming the bane of Jungkook’s existence.

“Who actually watches those anyway?” he mumbles, covering the sidebar full of naked cartoon ladies with his palm for you, a real gentleman if you ever saw one. “Really?” he says, knocking his pointer finger against a particularly raunchy ad with the caption Be a Good Boy and Let her Play beneath it.

You snort. “You are such a baby,” you tease, pinching his cheek much to his annoyance. “What? Can’t handle seeing some anime titties?”

Jungkook shoves your hand away, leaning back to become one with the pillows as you continue onto the next episode. “They’re just weird,” he admits. “And make unrealistic faces.”

“Unrealistic,” you repeat, finally giving one of the ads the time of day. There’s an adorably drawn character making the most perverted expression, knees hiked up to her chest. Her face is twisted up, drooling like a dog and with her eyes crossed in ecstasy. You shrug. “Just because you can’t get those faces out of me doesn’t mean they’re unreal.”

The second the words leave your mouth Jungkook is letting out a scandalized scoff, sitting up to level you with another glare. “First of all, I can get you like that,” he defends, tapping his finger against the ad on screen. “In fact, I can get you like that without even trying, so let’s not say anything too drastic now, okay?”

His sudden bout of defensiveness makes something playful in you switch on, laying back down beside him with a smirk. “Oh, you can make me all stupid like this?”

Jungkook scoffs. “Yes.”

“Uh huh,” you drawl, tracing a finger up his chest teasingly; Jungkook knocks your knuckles away, obviously still butt hurt about your comment. That’s fine, because a slightly riled up Jungkook was always the best Jungkook. You sit up and lean in close, letting your hand slip beneath his hoodie, palm running over his bare shoulder and around the top of his back. You give his nape a light squeeze, lips pressed against the shell of his ear. “Why don’t you prove it to me, Jungkookie?” you purr, before pulling away.

His jaw twitches at the nickname, one shapely brow unconsciously arching as he regards you with a calculative expression.

The thing about Jungkook was that, after almost a year of dating, you know just how to push his buttons. He has a rather calm and collected exterior to him, the same one he’s had since the day you met him, but beneath it all was a childish competitiveness that raged with the heat of ten suns. He disliked being taunted like you were doing now, especially when his credibility was at stake.

Honestly speaking, you don’t doubt Jungkook can make you look as goofy and messy as those hentai ads. In fact you’re rather confident he can. Either way, him being right or you being right, you would still get some fun out of it.

“Hm?” you add, tracing your hand up to dance over the skin of his cheek, pads of your fingers running over that stiff jaw. “Are you scared I’m right and you’re wrong?”

A hand snaps up to catch your wrist, fingers tight around your skin until you’re shivering against him. “Oh baby, I can make you cum until you cry,” he murmurs, his usual sweet and lilting tone dropping to a low vibration that makes your pussy throb beneath your panties. Your heart leaps in your chest, lips falling open when he ducks down to brush them against yours. It’s too light, just a simple touch that makes you follow his mouth when he pulls back.

With one firm shove, the laptop is tumbling off the bed, thudding loudly against your bedside rug. Jungkook leans over you, his usual trademark doe eyes zeroed in on you with the focus of a laser. “Have a little faith in me,” he teases, and when he presses close you can feel his fattening cock flush against your thigh. Your body is begging to be touched, every brush of his fingers against your skin searing trails in their wake.

Suddenly, he’s drawing back. “Kook?” you frown, barely biting down on a childish whimper when he snuggles back into your mountain of pillows, one arm stretched behind his head.

He flashes you a smile. “Go on,” he says, arms behind his head. “Show me how to get you like that.”

“By myself?” you ask, shifting onto your knees anyway. Jungkook nods, a soft jut of his chin as he gives you another one of those easy going smiles of his. His goal seems a little unclear, but you had a ridiculous amount of trust in your boyfriend that whatever he had planned was certain to be good. With one final skeptical glance his way, you sink down onto your bum, knees spreading and giving him a clear view of your little pink boy shorts, elastic band hugging your waist.

The material of your t-shirt is guided away, held to your chest by the hand currently not traversing the length of your stomach, gliding across soft skin, over your belly button and past that band until it slips beneath. You chance another look Jungkook’s way, only to find his eyes wonderfully downcast in the direction of your core. That smile is gone now, replaced with a somber look as he watches your hand move mysteriously beneath the fabric of your undergarments.

The first brush of your forefinger against your swollen button makes you twitch, back arching at the sensation that is magnified by his watchful gaze. “Mmh,” you bite down, hand twisting in the material of your shirt. Jungkook’s eyes glare a molten path across your skin, from the comfy bra that peeks out from beneath your rumpled shirt to the wrist slowly working beneath your panties.

A hand falls over your thigh, tattooed fingers giving the skin a light squeeze as you get to work swirling your bud around. The sight of his inked skin on yours makes something warm blossom in your lower abdomen, your eyes following the inky swirls up, up, up. They lead you to the face of your very handsome boyfriend, long lashes fanning across his cheekbones as he watches you play with yourself. “Wanna take these off for me?” he says, the tip of his pointer finger wiggling beneath the fabric of your shorts.

You nod hurriedly, wiggling around on the bed until you’re on your back, legs bent in front of you. The shorts come down your legs; the simplest press of your thighs makes something quiver in your abdomen. You toss them off to the side, and just as you go to sit back up, Jungkook places a hand on your knee. “Stay like this for me,” he says, sitting up from his mountain of pillows to glance down at you. You melt into the plush mattress beneath you, staring down at him between your legs. He’s got that adoring look in his eyes, the one that makes you feel so warm and in love, it’s only natural your hand slips down to play with your bare clit again. “That’s my girl,” he smiles, rubbing a hand down the outside of your thigh, urging your legs to fall open.

There’s this overflowing vat of arousal that builds up inside of you everytime Jungkook is around, like the moment your eyes land on him you’re reminded of every position he’s ever had you in. You remember the soft brush of his hands on your body, the way his lips feel on yours, the soft tickle of his hair when he gets too close. It makes your heart lurch in your chest, like if you don’t grab onto him tightly this feeling will slip through your fingers and out of your life. So you were crazily in love with your boyfriend— now what?

A puckered set of lips meets the inside of your thigh, the action ripping you from your overly gooey, overly soft inner rambling. Your hand trails down your quivering pussy lips, collecting your dripping wetness as you go. At the same time, Jungkook kisses down the inside of your thigh, soft smacks of his lips against your skin filling the air with an emotion that makes you bite down a whimper. Your hole puckers at the brush of your fingers, anticipating an entrance that you yearn to give into soon.

His mouth is on you before your finger can go deeper than a centimeter in. But Jungkook doesn’t brush your hand off, doesn’t shove you away to prove his mouth was undoubtedly better. He places a kiss over your knuckles, before swallowing up your significantly smaller hand with his, that of which he clasps together over your navel.

You groan, head rolling from side to side. “Don’t be so soft with me,” you whine, leg twitching when he presses a kiss against your engorged bundle of nerves. “Push me around like that one time, you know I like it.”

Jungkook grins, mouthing over your clit with practiced ease that has you releasing all kinds of whimpers and sighs. He’s got his other hand wrapped around your thigh, strong arm pulling you closer to that devious mouth and tongue that lavished attention on your clit. “Need me to be mean to you, baby?” he purrs, curling his tongue in such a way that it makes your entire body tense up, muscles pulled tight. “Want me to push you around like the stupid little girl you are?” You moan, head bobbing up and down at the ideas he stuffs in your mind. As he moves down the length of your cunt, that round nose you love brushes against your bud, and the cheeky shit takes an obnoxiously loud sniff of it, a soft groan breathed against your lower lips. “But isn’t this better?” he hums, languidly molding his lips against your lower ones, much in the same way he does with the ones on your face; he moves slowly, slips his tongue in every few seconds before eventually diving in head on. “Slow... and so easy.”

“Kook,” you mewl, getting this overwhelming urge to cover your face with your hands. But you can’t, because he’s knotted one hand with yours and his fingers only tighten when you try to yank them apart. Instead you’re left pressing one knuckle against your mouth, brows pinching as he begins slowly fucking his tongue into your cunt. “F-Faster,” you beg. He, of course, ignores your plea.

The wet mass moves past the clenched muscles around your hole, nose brushing against your lips with every intrusion. Every few cycles he stops to press a kiss against your pussy, so hard and wet that it hurts when he pulls off. You’re left writhing and moaning, your heel knocking against his shoulder when he pushes your leg up closer to your chest. “It’s enough,” you cry, your entire body shivering.

Jungkook pulls off with a loud pop, lips glistening with your arousal. He’s got this glint on his eyes, like he’s thoroughly entertained by your reactions. He shuffles around to get comfortable, finally releasing that grip on your hand. Immediately, your newly freed hand jumps forward to tangle in the hair above his ear, tracing down the delicate curve of his cheekbone. Jungkook turns his head, pressing a soft peck against your open palm that makes your heartbeat thunder in your ears.

As he moves around, his leg bumps against something that has both of you pausing. It sounds out of place next to your shallow breaths, and both of you glance down only to catch sight of that stupid package from Sexuality Unleashed teetering on the edge of the bed.

The moment you see it, it’s like you’re transported into an omnipresent view of the scene, the next few hours flashing before your eyes as Jungkook snorts. You know he’s going to reach for it in two seconds, and you know he’s going to tear the hot pink packaging apart with his bare hands. He does so with a scary amount of power, the industrial tape not standing a chance against him. A box roughly the same size as the package falls out, and before you can kick it away and save yourself from suffering beneath Jungkook’s teasing antics, he’s snatching up the box.

“The Bullet Bestie,” he reads aloud, dark eyes flying across the text with lightning speed before that box is also being ripped open. (Briefly, there’s a voice in your head that thinks of Doyeon, but you’re not sure why.) Out tumbles a little pink bullet with a strap on one end that bounces against your thigh and an even smaller remote.

“Baby,” you rush out, the sight of the tiny toy making your heart thunder in your chest. “We can look at it another time,” you try, hands coming up to brush against his face again. “Why don’t you finish off here?” you ask, a sickeningly sweet politeness dripping off your tongue as the knot in your tummy fades into the background of his attention.

Jungkook ignores you, picking up the remote with a wondrous look in his eyes. Before you can try to persuade him back between your legs, a quiet click cuts you off and the little bullet whirls to life. You yelp at the sudden vibrations against the inside of your thigh, so close to your throbbing core. The jump of your thighs has it falling onto the mattress below you, wide eyes snapping back to the smirk that grows on his face.

“No,” you say slowly, sitting back up, “no, no,” you try, your usual assertiveness melting into a whiny cry as you try to wiggle away from him and the nefarious ideas infesting his lust-addled mind. You’re barely turning, ready to make a run for it and hand him his victory by forfeit, when Jungkook is catching you by the waist. Your hips get pulled up, arms clawing uselessly at the sheets beneath you as he drags you close to him. He’s fast, already having moved onto his knees behind you, and when he yanks you up, you can feel every hot plane of his body aligned with your backside. “Kook, please just make me cum,” you gasp.

There’s a smile pressed against your shoulder, lips still wet from before, kissing along the side of your neck. “Look at my girl,” he murmurs, and you nearly jump out of your skin when something smooth is traced along your thigh. One hand slips beneath the material of your shirt, soothingly rubbing circled against your skin. This hand also holds the tiny remote between two fingers, and every nerve in your body is on edge waiting for it to be used. “Where’s that smartmouth now?”

“Jungkook,” you try to warn. But there’s no bite to your words, only an anticipation that grows the closer he moves that damned toy between your thighs. “Baby, we-we can play another time, okay? Just please—“

A soft click, and suddenly your spine is giving out on you, upper body flopping forward as Jungkook runs the vibrations over your clit. Of course Jungkook follows, never letting you slip far from his reach. A loud moan spills from your lips, lower lip wobbling at the unreal amounts of pleasure he bestows upon you with such a small toy. “W-Wait,” you sob, the coil from before suddenly magnified tenfold. It makes your orgasm loom over you bigger than ever, a wave that threatens to spill over and drown you in one go. “No-please.”

His mouth presses against your ear, hot breaths fanning against the skin there. “Hey pretty girl, does it feel good?” he husks out, kissing just below your ear. “Aw fuck,” he groans, something stiff pressing against the cleft between your cheeks, “can’t even see if you’re making that stupid face right now.”

You are, but you don’t even have the words to tell him that. The moment the vibrator had made contact with your already ravished clit, your eyes had rolled into the back of your head. You don’t doubt you look like those silly ads you’d laughed at earlier, mouth opening and closing every few seconds as he circles the toy around your bud. You settle on a high-pitched whimper that has Jungkook laughing meanly against your ear.

It ends too soon, the stimulation from Jungkook eating you out for a few minutes combining with the bullet to form a powerful duo that swallows you whole. An embarrassingly loud moan rips itself from your throat, hands twisting in the sheets beneath you as it washes over you. It’s so powerful, it blinds you, pussy spasming. Jungkook’s name is repeated about a thousand times in between, your body eventually melting back into the mattress as the final shocks run through you.

The vibrator clicks off just as quietly as it turned on, your harsh breaths filling the room in its place. “Good girl,” Jungkook praises, raining down a parade of kisses against your shoulder. You mewl in appreciation, still awkwardly shoving your face into the mattress, and your hips in the air. From the corner of your eyes, you watch him set the glistening toy off to the side, and you’re just about ready to thank the heavens for such an experience with your boyfriend, when said boyfriend hits you with a curveball.

The gentle pecks against yours shoulder dissolve into harsh kisses, rough hands trailing up your waist. The t-shirt gathers around his knuckles, pushed and pushed until he’s got those same hands cupping your breasts. “Did you like that?” he asks, biting down against your shoulder; the sensation is dulled by your shirt being in the way but it still makes you whine. You moan softly, nodding against the mattress as he gets to kneading your breasts over your bra. “Mm,” Jungkook sighs, “my pretty girl was so good for me, wasn’t she?”

Those deft fingers run back down, crawl beneath the elastic of your lounge bra and push it away until your breasts are bouncing out of their cage. “Kook,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut as he traces circles around your nipples. “W-Wait,” you whimper, suddenly reminded of the swollen cock pressed against your backside when he leans closer.

“Shhh,” he soothes, tweaking your nipples. “Relax for me, sweetheart,” he coos, flicking your hardened nipples with his fingers. You can’t relax, not with your body still so sensitive and him playing with you. Still, the low intonation makes something soft and warm settle in your chest, the kisses against your jaw making your eyes fall shut. “That’s it,” he says, giving one nipple a playful twist that draws a high-pitched moan from you.

Just as you’re beginning to fall into the rhythm of Jungkook’s caresses and voice, he releases one breast to traverse his hand down and over your tummy, to your sensitive pussy. You gasp, biting down on your lip as he teasingly flicks your clit with his fingers. “Bet you could come again now,” he murmurs, taking the tip of your earlobe into his mouth and nibbling softly. You groan, shoving your face into the sheets as if that will save you from your doom. “Bet your pretty little pussy can cream itself just like this, isn’t that right, sweet girl?”

You whimper, hips bucking back against him when he begins nudging your bud, lewd sounds reaching your ears. His other hand remains on your breast, no longer toying with your nipple but simply holding it almost comfortingly. There’s a smirk pressed against your skin, that pearly white smile you usually adore so much teasing you as he circles your nub.

“Come on,” he encourages quietly, kissing up the column of your neck again. You moan, thighs quivering as he strokes a second orgasm out of you with no struggle. Your eyes and throat burn at the heat that washes over you, and you release a hoarse scream into the mattress— Jungkook chuckles at the sound, egging you on with that low voice until your muscles go limp a second time.

When he rolls you onto your stomach again, you try desperately to cover the tears that blur your vision, turning away from him like a child when he tries to look. “Crybaby, crybaby,” he sings teasingly, prying your hands away to capture your mouth with his for the first time that night. “Lemme see those tears, baby,” he purrs.

He tastes like you, tongue dripping with that sweet tang of your pussy, and he smells like you too. It strokes the flames of you ego, arms eventually wrapping around his shoulders as he settles above you. He pulls off with a curl of his tongue against your swollen lips, brown eyes lazily staring down at you. It’s embarrassing how well kept he still was compared to your half-nude state of dress. His skin is all glowy and pretty, not a single tear track in sight, and his grin is still too relaxed for your liking.

Jungkook’s body feels so warm and comforting against yours, muscles keeping the heat trapped between your bodies. You go to brush a hand through his hair, needing to feel the familiarity of those silky locks, before he’s suddenly leaning away. He shuffles onto his knees again, glancing down at your thoroughly abused cunt with a quirk in his brows.

“God,” you groan, knocking your foot against his side. “Just fuck me already,” you huff despite your earlier fatigue. You could only go so long without feeling Jungkook’s fat demon cock inside of you.

He snorts at your snappy tone, cutely tilting his head to the side to move his hair out of his face. His jaw looks sharp from this angle, facial features covered in shadows the lamplight behind him can’t touch. “Can’t,” he announces, and you could pull your hair out from all this unnecessary build up.

Truth to be told, you and Jungkook were both equally as unrestrained when it came to each other. Most of the time, the lead up to actual, penetrative, key-in-lock sex included a couple minutes of heavy petting from his end, and maybe a half assed handjob from you. Sometimes if you felt extra attentive, he’d eat you out and you'd him off. But for the most part, the two of you jumped straight into it after an orgasm, like horny teenagers despite the two of you being twenty-three now.

The most adventurous you’d ever gotten up until the point was maybe two orgasms bestowed upon you by a crazed Jungkook. And, well. You had hit two orgasms now. You were ready for his monster cock.

“Kook,” you whine childishly.

Jungkook shakes you off, placing a palm on both your knees. Slowly, he spreads your thighs apart again, eyes zeroed in on the glossy folds that come into view, the sparkling pearly cum that leaks out of your hole. “I can’t, baby,” he says, almost pained. “I gotta clean you up first,” he insists, and before you can tell him how counterproductive it is to lick you clean of your arousal before fucking you, he’s diving face first into your cunt.

But the biggest surprise doesn’t come from Jungkook going in for thirds, but from the hands he clasps around your thighs, the sheer strength he uses to roll you over (ignoring the shriek you let out) to sit you on his face. “No, no,” you yelp immediately, “I-I‘ll break you,” you cry, trying to escape from his hold.

From beneath your thighs, dark eyes peering up at you daringly, you can see the clear warning on Jungkook’s face. It’s a look that loudly says don’t you dare fucking move, shapely brows sending a jolt of genuine fear down your spine for a moment. “Jungkook,” you fret, trying to ignore the arousal that only continues to blossom as his tongue laps against your folds for the second time that night. “I’m, I’m,” you stammer, hands burying themselves in his hair as he ignores your cries. “I’ll break you,” you try again, spine arching when he slurps your clit into his mouth. “I-I’ll—“

He pulls off with a pop. “Fuck my face, baby,” he says, as if he hadn’t heard a single of your concerns at all. His nose nudges against your clit, a whimper catching in your throat. Briefly, his hand disappears from around your thigh, and when it returns, that tiny bullet vibrator from earlier is pressed against your thigh. “You got that?”

You nod, internally torn apart by your fear of crushing him and your need to drag your cunt all over your boyfriend’s handsome face. You glance down at him, watch him slip that vibrator into his mouth for just a second and lewdly coat it in his saliva, before he’s reaching around to shove it past your pussy lips. They’re still swollen and puffy, but have long since relaxed enough for him to slip it in. “B-But what if—“

“You won’t,” he cuts off, readjusting himself closer to your cunt again, “come on, pretty girl.”

The reason you think you and Jungkook click so well was because he was able to bring that vulnerable side out of you every now and then. He knew you liked to parade around with that huge superiority complex, and he loved it. But he also knew there were things you liked and disliked, and sometimes it took a little pushing for you to reveal them.

For a second, that horny cloud over his irises lifts, and he gives you one of those cute, sloppy winks as he taps your thigh gently. “Fuck my face, sweetheart,” he whispers, “drag that pretty cunt all over me until I can’t breathe.” A gasp catches in your throat, hands unconsciously curling against his scalp. He notices, and flashes you a lazy smirk. “You can do that, can’t you?”

Something akin to adoration blooms in your chest, and before you can blurt out something embarrassing—like I love you—there’s a soft click that has The Bullet Bestie revving up inside of you. You gasp, the sudden vibrations deep inside your pussy making your hips snap forward, clit rubbing against Jungkook’s nose.

“O-Oh,” you cry, and that’s all it takes for you to lose it. Your hips start off slow, at first just savoring the wet drag of his tongue against your lips, his nose against your clit. He sticks his tongue out for you, and part of you wants to tell him he’s a good boy, that corny hentai ad flashing in your mind, but you doubt you’ll survive the aftermath of that. Once you find that perfect pace, your hands are practically yanking at his hair, pushing him further into the mattress as you ride his face like he’s nothing but a toy. “Kook, Jungkook,” you pant, grinding your lower lips against his all too eager mouth.

It feels oddly weird being over him like this, using him like this. You like to think you and Jungkook have equal power in the bedroom, but you will admit that more often than not, he assumes control by default. You’re not particularly bothered by that, because you doubt you’d ever come up with the crazy ideas Jungkook did when he was horny (okay, a lie, because you definitely have thought of crazy sex schemes before).

But, this moment…

The power was quickly going to your head. “Fuck,” you sob, roughly dragging the length of your pussy over and over his face. The hands around your thighs are pressing against your skin with a strength that would hurt were you not blinded by arousal. His eyes are shut, lids fluttering open every now and then as he watches you buck wildly over his face like he was a pillow in high school and your parents were gone for the weekend.

It doesn’t help that the rhythmic pulses of the vibrator inside of you are doing their job well, the tongue that slips into your pussy joining together to form a powerful combination. It’s ultimately what has you halting your manic thrusts, instead falling into a slow grind over him. Your hips circle, eyes squeezed shut as you lose yourself in the lapping of his tongue against your dripping hole. “Mmmf,” you mewl, biting down on your lower lip as the wet muscle prods against a delicate spot within you. You hear feels light, view of the gorgeous man beneath you obstructed by the eyelids that can't seem to stay open. “N-No,” you cry, pulling his hair more roughly than you intended to in order to redirect him. “There, there,” you whimper, holding him tight against your pussy.

Beneath you, Jungkook exhales harshly against your lips, hands moving frantically over your thighs as he works his tongue inside of you alongside the bullet vibrator. If you weren’t so caught up in your own pleasure, all kinds of sounds spilling from your lips, you would have heard the quiet moans that fall from his. Alas.

It takes a few more pulses from the toy and a few more licks from Jungkook until you’re coming for the third time that night, features twisting up as your pussy clenches around his tongue before spilling down his mouth. Your back arches, a defeated moan escaping you as you release the same mess he’d claimed to clean up onto his lovely face. You can barely breathe afterwards, mouth dry and head dizzy when Jungkook finally pops back out from between your thighs. You barely have enough time to lift yourself up, pussy lightly brushing across his Adam’s apple as you stop yourself from crushing his windpipe. It makes you twitch.

“Good girl,” Jungkook praises with a cheeky smile that distracts you from the bullet toy he retrieves from your quivering cunt. His face is absolutely glistening from your arousal, skin warm and flush. He’s looking up at you like you’re some mythical goddess and he’s but a humble villager coming to pay his respects at the temple that is your body. Fuck, were you okay? You don’t think you’ve ever felt this good in your entire life, and Jungkook’s mushy gaze was doing things to your heart.

He presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh before helping you off of him, laughing meanly when you flop limply down beside him. He’s still fully clothed, a fact that irks you when he leans over to kiss you with that glossy face of his. “D’you like it?” he mumbles, kissing softly down your face. You nod, legs twitching from the aftermath of that wild ride. “I saw it, y’know,” he says suddenly.

“Saw what?” you mumble, mindlessly rolling your head to the side and exposing more skin when he begins kissing along your neck.

Jungkook says nothing, just rolls over you. Part of you thinks he’s crazy, but you’re suddenly hit with the realization that while Jungkook’s drawn three orgasms out of you in the course of an hour, you hadn’t done anything for him. Before you can dive head first into swallowing his cock, he’s kissing you softly. “That stupid face,” he smirks, slotting his mouth against yours. “That weird, now realistic face,” he tacks on.

You huff out a laugh, throwing your leg around his waist comfortably. Jungkook smiles, kisses you one last time before settling in your arms, face cutely pressed in between your boobs. “Hey,” you call, “don't you wanna cum too?”

He shakes his head, a soft sigh filling the air. “Nah,” he says, cuddles closer into you. “Rest now, baby.”

You roll your eyes. “I can feel your dick against my thigh,” you point out, wiggling your pelvis upward to brush against his throbbing erection. Jungkook holds you down in an effort to stop you. “Fuck me.”

He groans against your collarbone. “No, you’re tired,” he tries to convince you, but his skin is warm and flushed in the way it always gets when he’s riled up. “Sleep.”

With the leg around his hip, you pull him closer. “Fuck me, Jungkookie,” you purr, using the hands in his hair to turn his face up towards yours. His dark eyes are drawn down cutely, pouty lips too. “Use my body,” you suggest, “I’m yours anyway.”

His eyes flutter shut, a quiet whimper falling from his lips. “Don’t say that,” he sighs, “makes me wanna do very mean things to you.”

You smile. “You can do whatever you want to me, don’t you know that?” Another groan, his head falling forward until he’s hiding in your neck. Still, there’s movement from below, he sweats slipping down at his hips until that throbbing cock is pressed into the tiny crease where your thigh meets your pelvis. There’s a moment of hesitation, and you wonder if this is what he felt like earlier when he’d managed to get you to sit on his face. “Inside, Jungkookie,” you murmur, reaching down to line him up with your sensitive entrance. He whines softly, arms wrapping around you as he pulls you close. “Good boy.”

Despite your earlier belief that you’d never survive an encounter with Jungkook after using such a term on him, the result is much different from what you had anticipated. He visibly melts into your arms, cock slipping past your folds easily. “No,” he says, his voice feathery and whiny against your ear. “I can’t.”

You soothe a hand down his back, eyes fluttering shut as he begins slowly rutting against your swollen lips. “That’s it,” you encourage, tugging softly at his wavy hair. Jungkook moans wantonly against your neck, rolling his hips harshly against you until his arms are the only things keeping you from jostling out of his hold. “Do you like this pussy?” you ask, purposefully clenching around him, tummy tightening at the stimulation you keep packing on.

Jungkook shudders, pace growing slipping inside of you. “Yes,” he pants, “s-so wet… creamy.”

“Yeah?” you huff, pressing a smiley kiss against his forehead. “It’s yours.”

“Ffffuck,” Jungkook chokes, picking up his pace as his well-deserved orgasm reaches its peak. He’s breathing harshly now, and it’s taking everything in you to keep your pussy tight around him. But after the night he’d given you, the sounds and faces he pulled from you, it’s the least you can do. Besides, your body, after being so thoroughly pleased, still rears up for one final orgasm with him. “Mine,” he growls, bucking his hips into you. “You’re mine, baby, mine,” he seethes, ending his little tryst with a piston of his hips that makes you gasp, body almost unconsciously spasming around him. It’s painful, but so, so delicious how he manages to pull this last orgasm from you as he finally busts inside of you.

He comes with a stuttering garble of words, none of which you catch as he collapses into your hold for the final time that night. “Fuck,” he pants afterwards, leaning into your touch when he finally registers the soft combing of fingers through his hair. “That was evil.”

You laugh, pulling him closer. “As evil as you making me suffer through three orgasms before putting your dick in me?” you tease. Jungkook slips out of you, and you know it’ll be a hassle to clean your sheets tomorrow but it’s worth it.

“It’s called building the scene,” he weakly defends, blindly tugging the puffy blanket over the two of you. “I was gonna rhyme it with that horrible website you made me use but I already forgot it’s name.”

“Rude,” you snap, “it’s called KissAnime.”

“And fore-play,” he suddenly says, and you almost yank his eyeballs out of their sockets for doing that stupid thing again.

—

epilogue 

Two weeks later, your favorite website and home to hentai ads is shut down after years of piracy. Jungkook laughs at your demise, sits and actually cackles at your heartbreak, until he eventually comforts you with his flaming demon cock and a subscription to both Crunchyroll and Funimation. Doyeon spends weeks tracking down a missing package, apparently some freebie she’d gotten for being such an avid customer on Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! before eventually finding it in your drawer. And because her and Jungkook have some awkward life-long rivalry for your attention, he doesn’t pay for that. 

—

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

#goldenclosetnet #networkbangtan #bangtanhq #ksmutclub #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jjk smut #jeon jeongguk smut #jjk fic #jungkook fic #bts fic #bts smut #mine

[billiedeanhwrd]

i only want you

ally mayfair-richards x fem!reader

summary: after being distant for a while, ally finally opens up to you about what's going on at an emotional breakfast.

warnings: age difference (legal), lowkey a vent

word count: 1272

a/n: i haven't had the chance to write bc of school stress and personal issues lately, so enjoy this older piece. it's been sitting in my drafts for a while now. i wrote it when i was really sad and heavily sleep deprived so pls excuse how bad it is, but i wanted to post something at least :)

gif credits to @thatsmypeach

"do i hold you back?"

ally's question cut through the uncomfortable tension that had settled between the two of you since you've left the office party last night. she's been acting a bit more distant lately, but you weren't sure how to approach the subject, so you didn't, instead you waited for her to come to you with what was weighing her down.

she had barely shown you any affection in the past 2 weeks and every time you tried to have a romantic moment with her, she blew you off. you assumed it was stress, but there was a heartbreaking fear creeping up on you that maybe she acted like this because she didn't love you anymore, maybe you weren't good enough for her anymore.

your lack of knowledge on how to handle this and your insecurities held you back from pointing out the elephant in the room, little did you know, the same thing was happening to your girlfriend.

last night was the essentially very similar to other nights you went out, you came together and you left together, but something in ally's behavior was alarmingly different yesterday. ally detached herself from your grip on her hand as soon as she saw a potential conversing partner and left you standing alone at the bar, she wouldn't normally do that, always so eager to show you off and publicly announce you as hers.

you were trying your best not to think of the worst case scenario, unsuccessfully sadly, until a group of young interns settled down close to you at the bar and you decided to join in on their drinking games, thinking fuck it, might as well enjoy myself as you sauntered towards them.

you ended up having more fun (& drinks) than you expected, drawing attention to you and your group of new found friends multiple times when your laugh echoed through the building. you didn't notice how ally was watching you from afar, jealousy, but mostly fear bubbling up inside her.

she was always watching you, the sight of you making her heart ache, she loved you after all... and that scared her, so she put some distance between you two, which was quite the challenge given that you were ozzy's babysitter and lived with your girlfriend and her son.

she longed to be close to you, missed you so much, it hurt her physically. she needed to be close to you so desperately, but her insecurities and late night worries held her back, her trust and abandonment issues that resulted from her last relationship impacting her more than she'd like to admit.

from the get-go she had been slightly insecure about the age difference between you two, i mean for god's sake she was a mother and an accomplished politician and you were college student. It took her a while to confess her feelings for you and even after months of dating now, the insecurities didn't leave.

"what?"

her question almost caused you to spit out your cereal, visibly confused you narrowed your eyes at her, practically begging for an explanation to such an absurd question.

ally put down the coffee she had been nursing for a while now, too lost in her thoughts to notice her morning beverage getting cold.

she tucked a strand of her brown hair behind her ear and shifted around slightly on her chair, her eyes darting up and down between yours and the kitchen table.

"i realized recently that you spend so much time with me and ozzy and the people i get along with, that you barely get to go out and do all the typical college stuff, wild parties and interacting with people your age... you know, that kind of stuff"

her hands now folded on the table, she started picking at the skin around her nails, one of the many nervous habits she still had that you picked up on.

you sat across from her, confusion still written over your face with a dash of hurt. you crossed your legs and took a deep breath, trying to calm your heavily pounding heart.

"please, continue", you said in the most unaffeted tone you could muster, nodding your head in her direction to encourage her to keep going.

"would you rather be with someone your age?", her voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, just the thought of losing you and confirming what she feared breaking her heart.

another question that sent your heart rate up, how could she even think that?

"is that why you've been so distant lately... because you're scared i'm planning on leaving you for someone younger?"

ally nodded and wiped the tears away that were now flowing freely down her cheeks.

you jumped up from your seat at the table and kneeled down in front of your girlfriend, taking her hands into yours after she turned towards you.

"ally, i love you", you reassured her, your voice coming out staggered due to the lump in your throat while you were fighting back tears. "i would never want to be with anybody else", you soothed her while wiping away her tears. "you're not holding me back—", you continued, stroking the palm of her hand with your thumb, "—i'm not missing out on anything by being with you."

"but you were having so much fun with those interns last night...", she said sniffling, letting her head fall to hide her incoming tears.

"i was—", you gently tilted her head back up, "—and if i feel like partying or hanging out with other college students i will... but i'd much rather spend time with you."

you pressed a kiss to the back of her hand and waited a little for her to calm down. when her breathing returned to normal and the crying stopped you spoke up again, "i missed you a lot lately"

"i missed you too", she sheepishly admitted.

"i'm sorry for not telling you how i was feeling, i didn't want to be a burden", ally continued, justifying her lack of communication in a way that made your heart ache.

"babe, you're never a burden to me", your eyes welling up with tears again and anger forming in your head at ivy for making her feel this way.

"you don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with, but i want you to know you can share anything that goes on in your mind with me, because i care, so so much", you emphasized, starring into her eyes.

"i care about anything and everything concerning you and i never want you to keep thoughts like these from me because you think you'd be a burden, i love you more than anything, ally", tears were flowing down your cheeks, this moment making you too emotional to hold them back.

ally patted her lap for you to sit and you flung your arms around her neck as you settled in her lap. ally held onto you as if she never wanted to let you go again as you both cried in each other's embrace.

after a few minutes of just holding each other and relishing the feeling of that emotional safety you both offered each other, you removed your head from her shoulder and stared into her eyes.

"do you promise to not hide this kinda stuff from me again?"

"i promise", she nodded.

and with that your lips collided and she kissed you so deeply, so passionately and with so much emotion you thought your heart would explode at the love you felt for the woman beneath you.

#ally mayfair richards x reader #sarah paulson x reader #ally mayfair richards #ahs cult #american horror story #sarah paulson imagine #sarah paulson fanfic #sarah paulson #my works #angst #fluff #age difference #ahs fandom #ahs fanfiction #ahs imagine #ahsfx #fanfiction #writing #wlw #lesbian #ally mayfair richards imagine #american horror story imagine #lesbian imagine #ally mayfair-richards #ally mayfair-richards x reader #emotional #soft

[generallyunskilled]

Why I sympathize with or apologize for these Dream SMP characters

Since I’m very unwell and watch just about every perspective on the Dream SMP, I’m a sympathizer or apologist for just about every character. I figured I’d share my thoughts on that. This is probably gonna be long.

Before I get started, here’s who I’m not a sympathizer or apologist for

c!Dream: fuck this guy. You’re not supposed to sympathize with him. He’s just all around evil, man. He’s an abuser, manipulator and he preys on those weaker than him. I still enjoy his character however, he’s just so delightfully hateable and I love when villains are hateable.

c!Sam: I get Sam. I really do. I understand where he’s coming from. But good god, it’s just not working! His little system keeps fucking up and he doesn’t really seem to get that it’s the system itself and not the people fucking it up. He’s too damn lawful for his own good. The prison is eating at him and you can see how he’s becoming more and more a bastardized version of the man he used to be. I want to be able to sympathize with him, and I’m not going to excuse the shitty things he’s done, but I understand him. As he is right now he’s gone off the deep end and doesn’t even know it yet. However I do think he can change. There’s still a chance for it.

Any other character not listed I simply just do not have an opinion on them. Maybe I don’t watch them often, there’s just not much to their character, or they simply haven’t done much for them to need apologists or sympathizers.

Now onto the list

c!Tommy: this kid has been through so much and received so little support. Like yeah, he’s done some wrong things, but he’s been so disproportionately punished for them. Like almost everyone else does the things he does without any repercussions. He’s also stopped doing most of the things people had issues with, or is at least trying. I feel like people don’t realize half the reason Tommy did any of his ‘bad’ things is he’s simply never been taught better. Everyone wants him to learn his lesson but never actually teach him anything but violence and pain. Also, half the things the fandom calls him an asshole for are literally mental illness symptoms. Stop that. Kids got some things messed up in his head. I’m not one to diagnose but he gets pretty damn close to the criteria for C-PTSD. You know, from the near constant trauma in his life. Kid needs a break. And a doctor.

c!Techno: I’m really flip floppy with him. His motives are understandable but his morals are wack as hell. I get wanting something against people who’ve wronged you. I get disliking government. What I don’t get, is the absolute disproportionate retribution he delivers. I also don’t get his moral high ground. He has his reasons for distrusting government. He has his reasons for disliking L’Manburg (o7). And I think it’s perfectly valid to want to air his grievances. He’s got a very admirable combination of “do unto others” and “an eye for an eye”. Mans just bungles the execution of these ideas. He’s got a lot of problems, but however, I feel like he’s got something coming to him. cc!Techno’s a better writer than this. And now with it seeming like a lot of miscommunication is getting cleared up, some of Technos past transgressions might come back to him. I think he’s headed in an interesting direction.

c!Phil: a lot of what I said for Techno applies to him as well. In addition, we know he also blames the government for his son’s spiral and death. It makes sense based on what he knows. I had something completely different here in the drafts but now we know that Wilbur didn’t tell him the truth about what happened in Manburg-Pogtopia era of the SMP. He’s been completely misinformed and you can TELL this has shaken his world up. He’s gaining a lot of new knowledge really fast. It’s becoming clear that maybe he’s beginning to regret some of what he’s done. But beyond the misinformation, he also just never got much time to actually grieve for his son and heal before the plot moved on. I feel like Phil is one of those guys who sorta just stuffs all his emotions away, but now it’s getting to be too much. He has a lot of hidden depth and I think he’s definitely on the way to a different role than what he’s played.

c!Wilbur: before his death, Wilbur needed help. No one realized anything was wrong until it was too late to pull him out of his spiral. We now know he started falling after Eret’s betrayal. He was paranoid and growing to hate what he had created. It seems like Eret was the catalyst, but the election was the straw that broke the camels back. Everyone just kind of sat around and hoped he’d change his mind. The only one willing to try was Tommy, and Tommy was just a kid. Something could have been done for him. He wasn’t a villain. He was just someone who went down a dark path that could have been pulled away if someone who wasn’t a 16 year old boy tried to reach out to him. Post-resurrection, he seems to be happy to be alive again. I’m not saying he’s completely out of the spiral but clearly something changed in limbo. And yeah him saying Dream is his hero is hella sketch but I mean, he doesn’t have the full story yet. I need to see more of revivedbur to make an opinion on him entirely.

c!Tubbo: this kid has had so little agency for so much of the plot. Most of the bad things he’s done were under duress or because he was practically being used. He really was a pawn in other peoples games, unfortunately. Any action of his that wasn’t like this was something he did out of pure reaction. He’s a very reactionary guy. He doesn’t start shit but he’ll try to finish it if he can. Tubbo is mostly just trying to get by. He’s been a soldier, a spy, a president and whatever else he needed to be or what others needed him to be. His time as president had him being pushed around and put under pressure he should never been put under. He was backed into corner after corner and expected to make the right decision with different people telling him what that was. Now he’s just trying to have some peace for himself and his family. He made the nukes for defense and defense only. It’s extreme but he’s been taught that extremism is the only thing that works.

c!Ranboo: dude literally doesn’t know what, when, or how he did any of the bad things he did. He’s not himself for most of the wrongdoings he’s done. Hell, we don’t even know if he actually did do some of the things or if it’s Dream manipulating him. Dream is literally taking advantage of Ranboo having the Enderwalk state. This makes him one of the most dangerous people on the server as Dream puppet, but also one of the most victimized. Now this doesn’t absolve him completely because harm was still done but it’s a reasonable cause behind his actions. Like I mentioned he’s also a victim of Dream in this way. Even he’s scared of what could happen and the possibility that he could be a danger to the people he loves. Granted his moral code used to be pretty wack but he’s getting better at that. I really like his “choose people” stance bc at first it was just him making his own side but now he’s genuinely picking and choosing people and being with them because he likes them as people rather than their stance on things. He and Tubbo were already friends before they got married, he’s not an official part of Snowchester though, iirc, and the only reason he joined The Syndicate was to make sure they don’t go after Tubbo.

c!Fundy, c!Niki, and c!Jack all go in the “seek some healthy coping mechanisms for the love of god” pile. Niki has already started on this as she’s baking again. c!Fundy honestly hasn’t done much wrong afaik, but he still needs to go to therapy that poor fox boy has so much daddy issues and sadness. c!Jack literally just needs to work through his issues with Tommy bc dude only knows murder as an answer to his problems. There’s other ones and he should learn them. These three are just traumatized and don’t know what to do with themselves.

#mcyt #dream smp #mcytblr #dsmpblr #dream smp analysis #dream smp meta #dsmp analysis #dsmp meta #c!dream critical #c!sam critical #c!dream negativity

[snickiebear]

First of all, HELLO??? I LOVE YOUR NEW THEME??? AND THE NEW BUTTONS??? Second, I am DYING at your fuckin bio 💀💀💀 AND THIRD: aries, cancer, aquarius, pisces 🖤🖤🖤

LOLLL HI MITTENS

THANK YOUU, the coding and theme thing is always so fun and the buttons are a MUST whenever i get a new theme, i've got so many links LMAOO

SO GLAD YOU LIKE THE BIO, i thought it was HILARIOUS

okayyyy in we go :))))

aries: when have you felt the most confident in your writing? when have you felt the least confident?

most confident would be right now. writing for fandom has boosted my ego so much, plus im literally writing so much that my improvement rate has skyrocketed in like five months compared to five years. LOL

the least would probably be during quarantine, that's when i sat down and started working on my original work as a way to give myself a break from the summer semester (read: fucking hell), and like you, was just kind of floating and vomiting up words. i'm glad i did that though, even if most of the writing was shit, because now i know more about those characters and that world and the plot :)

cancer: how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

okay! so it really depends! emotional scenes like in TIOBU i felt like i was punched in the gut,, but otherwise i'm straight faced and hunched over like a shrimp. sometimes i do get goosebumps or i can't stop smiling/wincing at certain parts AHAHHA

capricorn: what does your writing schedule look like? how often does it take you to write a chapter?

so generally i have a schedule for writing: get all my school shit done, eat dinner, then write. even if its a paragraph, a sentence, i try to write everyday

as for chapters, depends on the length. for OL&W the chapters are extra long so it takes me 2-3 weeks including editing and dropping it at my beta's feet.

for regular fics (depending on the length) 3-7 days. a lot of the time i rewrite and rewrite it until i like it (on average it takes 3 drafts) or other times i write and read it over and post bc "fuck it someone will like it"

pisces: how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

BOTH! let me explain:

for action/fight scenes its very visual and like a movie in my head. i need to be able to see the fight in order to write it correctly so my readers can see it too. if anyone's looking for some really fantastic references i suggest you watch Castlevania. that anime is PACKED with amazing fight scenes and has really helped my fight writing

but just regular scenes and writing, the words just flow and i go with it until i don't like it. i'm always conscious with what i want written and where i want it to go but other than that its "head empty, fingers type" kind of scenario. though, i will admit a lot of my best work (WT&R + majority of my KS month subs + all my leesaku) was me sitting down with a vague idea and going to ham until i had a headache LMAO so mostly, the words flow and i am nothing but a vessel for them :)

thank you for the asks mittens! let me answer your horoscope ;)

#silly things from silly friends

[sonicrainicorn]

Patton is Berry Done

Part of the Berry Done AU

Words: 4092 Desc.: Logan gets drunk for the first time in his life, and Patton realizes it’s not as fun to be on the other end. TW: Alcohol, cursing, a lot of throwing up (it’s only ever mentioned tho bc ew)

The idea came to me when I was working on the one-shot that was actually supposed to be published. whoops. Hope you like drunk Logan, anyway.

///

One Friday night, Damien invited Patton and Logan over to hang out. Patton, who was very much well aware of what his brother meant by ‘hang out’, asked Thomas if he was willing to babysit. Well -- he asked Logan if he could ask Thomas. Patton was sure that asking Thomas for anything would end in his funeral. Which he understood completely. Though, if you told him last month that Thomas would genuinely threaten to break every bone in his body, he would have thought you were joking. Thomas was the nicest person he knew.

Either way, he agreed and Patton and Logan thanked him again before leaving. When they got there, Damien had already started drinking.

“Rough day at work, then?” Patton asked with a raised brow.

Damien glared at him and let them in the house. Emile and Remy were sitting on the floor, using the coffee table to play a card game. By the looks of it, Emile was winning. And by a lot. A random TV show was on that no one paid attention to. Background noise, then.

“Hi, guys,” Emile chirped. “I win again, by the way.” He flipped the dealer’s -- also known as Damien’s -- card over, nonchalantly taking a sip of wine.

In a great feat of theatrics, Remy fell back and let out a short yell. “How the hell do you win every time?”

“I told you not to play blackjack with him, but you insisted.” Damien rolled his eyes and gathered all the cards. “You should probably stop before he wins everything you own.”

“Damn bastard already has everything I own,” Remy grumbled under their breath.

Emile smiled sweetly at them.

Damien tossed the card pack at Patton, who almost didn’t catch it. “Work did suck if you must know. And I need someone to get drunk with. Remy can’t do it because they work tomorrow and Em doesn’t like to get drunk so...” He looked at Patton like it was obvious. “You definitely weren’t my first option.”

Seems someone was still a little mad. “Why don’t you just go to a bar?” Patton sat next to Emile.

“Because I want to wallow in self-pity in the comfort of my own home.” He crossed his arms. “Will you do it or not?”

“No thanks.” He started shuffling the cards.

Damien groaned dramatically. “You never give me what I want.” A buzzed middle child who was in a Mood didn’t make for good conversation, as it turned out. He turned to Logan. “What about you?”

Patton expected the answer to be the same, he had no reason to doubt otherwise, but then Logan -- Logan who took one shot on his twenty-first birthday and then never drank again, said, “Yeah, I don’t see why not”

“Oh God, yes. Finally.” Damien rushed to the kitchen with a large grin.

Patton stopped shuffling to stare at Logan with what he assumed could be translated as what the actual fuck all over his face.

It seemed to catch Logan’s attention. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You don’t drink.”

“Well, out of the two of us, I’m not the one known for doing regrettable things so I think we’re safe.”

Ooh, yikes. Yeah, that was a hundred percent called for. Patton shifted in his spot and diverted his attention back to the cards. Turns out he didn’t have any more to say.

Emile glanced between them, a small thoughtful frown on his face. He erased it with a shake of his head. “So what are we playing?”

“Poker.”

Remy sat up. “Great. I actually have a chance at this.”

“Did you want to join us, Logan?” Emile sent him a small smile.

“With the way D’s going to drink tonight?”  A sly grin slid across Remy’s face. “ I think he’ll have his hands full already.”

Right on time, Damien came charging back into the room. In his arms were various supplies such as shot glasses, vodka, tequila, and a few different chasers. He set them all on the table. “Wanna match me shot for shot?” He held up the bottle of vodka with an inviting grin.

“No.” Patton snatched it out of his hand.

He made an offended noise akin to a child getting their toy taken away. “Why not?”

“Because I know how many shots you can take and I don’t want you giving my husband alcohol poisoning.”

“Ugh, fine.” He took the bottle back. “For every shot you take, I’ll take a double.”

Patton’s, “That’s not what I meant.” versus Emile's, “You’re already tipsy.” did nothing in comparison to Remy’s much louder, “Do it bitch, you won’t.”

“Alright, bet.” He sat at the unoccupied side of the table.

Emile hit Remy’s shoulder and gave them an ‘are you kidding me?’ look. They simply shrugged in response.

“C’mon, Logan, let’s see how fast we can regret this tomorrow.” He started pouring out the first shots and chasers, eager to get started. The only time Damien was eager to do something was if it caused damage -- be it to property or livers.

Logan sighed, shrugged to himself, and sat next to Damien. Patton watched wearily as he took his first shot. His face screwed up as it burned its way down. Patton could feel the phantom burns in his own throat. Straight vodka wasn’t his favorite, but it was always common at college parties. He knew the motions well. Take the shot, let it burn -- but don’t act like it burns, then sip a chaser if there happens to be one. (Though, if there was one, it was always alcoholic.) Logan didn’t know the ‘etiquette’ of drinking well enough. He reached for the chaser of cranberry juice almost as soon as it went down.

It didn’t matter though. How you took a shot was just style points. At a party surrounded by onlooking strangers? You’re going to need maximum style points for that. At a bar with some friends? Depending on the friends, style points were still important. At home just trying to get drunk? Style wasn’t the point. Besides, Logan wasn’t a drinker so his reaction to straight shots was bound to be expected.

“Oh, yeah, this is gonna suck.” Damien took a sip of his own chaser. “Ready for another round?”

Sometime after the second shot, Logan started getting a little more touchy. He placed hands on Damien’s shoulders, his arm, Patton was sure there was even a thigh at some point. And Damien was all grins and flirty compliments. Patton knew Damien’s drunken states pretty well. He flirted with anyone that wasn’t a brother of his and generally had his charisma cranked up to ten. On the flip side, he also acted like moody a sixteen-year-old. So, really, drunk Damien was just sober Damien with even less of a filter. Logan’s drunk states, on the other hand, were new territories.

By the third shot, Logan was mostly giggles. He and Damien tried to have their usual debates (also known as a normal conversation for them), but they dissolved into Logan laughing over something vaguely related and Damien testing out a pick-up line based on the topic. On the fourth, Logan kissed Patton and called him “the most beautiful man in the world”. Damien got comically offended and insisted that Logan was breaking his heart. Logan laughed, cradled Damien’s face, and called him beautiful too. As soon as the fifth went down, Logan was completely plastered. He put all his weight against Patton with a loose hand around Damien’s wrist. He started talking about how great everyone was, though he struggled to find more than three adjectives and slurred all his words.

“Nope, that’s enough.” Patton tried to take the bottle out of Damien’s hands when he went to pour another shot, but he couldn’t move with Logan at his side.

Remy took the initiative. “Unfortunately, I have to agree. Logan can’t handle anymore.”

Damien pouted and put his head in his hand. “Boo.”

“That actually took a bit longer than I expected,” Emile admitted softly.

“Yeah -- damn, Logan.” Remy put the cap back on the bottle. “For someone who doesn’t drink you sure held out for a while.”

Logan held up a peace sign.

“Okay, I think we better get going.” Patton lifted Logan to his feet. It was a bit harder than it sounded due to Logan’s apparent lack of bone structure. He refused, or maybe simply couldn’t, move or stand on his own. He kept all his weight on Patton the whole time.

“I think that’s a good idea.” Emile wrangled another bottle out of Damien’s hands. “Stop. Any more and you’ll be asking Logan to marry you.”

Damien snorted. A lazy grin slithered on his face. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

Patton frowned, holding Logan a little closer to his side.

Emile sighed -- an annoyed, almost aggressive sound. “Yeah, okay. Come on. We’re done for tonight.” He dragged Damien into the kitchen, ignoring how he almost face planted.

“Ignore him.” Remy shook their head like a disappointed parent. They gave Patton a small smile. Not a grin or a smirk -- a gentle, genuine smile. “Anyway, want some help? Seems like you could use it.”

“That would be nice, actually.”

Logan clung to Remy like a koala to a tree almost as soon as all his weight was transferred over. Right away he started saying all the great things he thought about them and the good things they did. Remy just nodded and agreed while gently coercing him into a better walking position. Patton silently apologized and opened the front door.

On the short walk to the car, everything Logan said was followed by a soft, “I know, Logan.” or an, “Uh-huh.” much like someone would do when they’re half-listening to a child while focusing on another task. Patton would argue that the comparison was more than apt since most of the stuff Logan said seemed to be the first draft.

Patton opened the passenger side door and Remy helped Logan in. They went to close the door, but stopped when Logan said, “I love you.”

They laughed, borderline composed giggles, and responded, “Love you too, pal.” They shut the door. Logan waved at them through the window, and they gave him a little wave back. “Wow, he is fucking trashed.” They turned to Patton with a wide grin. “I’m surprised he’s still conscious.”

“Guess we’ll see how long that lasts.” He looked at Logan, who gave him a bright beam. “I should go before his body realizes he hasn’t thrown up yet.”

“Oh, yeah. Drive safe.”

“Will do.”

Almost as soon as Patton got in the car, Logan blurted out, “If you could drive straight up at sixty miles an hour, it would take an hour to get to space.”

Patton didn’t even have the door closed yet. “W... what?”

He repeated it a little slower, though that seemed to leave a lot more room for errors and slurring. “If you could drive your car up-ards it would take an hour to getta space.”

He blinked. “That’s, uh, that’s really interesting, bumblebee.” He shut the door. “Could you maybe put on your seat belt before telling me more facts? Unless you need some help.”

“M’not five.” Despite his statement, Logan struggled with the necessary coordination for an absurd amount of time. After failing to get the buckle in the right spot (following an embarrassing number of attempts), he gave up with a small pout. “I can’t do it.”

Patton smiled a bit. He looked like a grumpy toddler. “Let me help, hon.” He buckled him in.

Once they started driving, Logan did not stop talking. He told Patton he loved him five different times, asked nonsense questions followed by silly answers, and pointed out whatever he saw looking out the window. He also insisted on having a hand near Patton at all times despite Patton saying he needed to focus on driving. He was so much more open and bubbly and touchy -- very touchy. A near 180 of sober Logan.

They only had to stop for him to throw up on the side of the road once, which was a lot more impressive than the first time Patton ever got drunk. At least from what friends told him. He didn’t remember anything about that night, but he was told that he threw up several times before ever reaching his apartment. To be fair, he was eighteen at the time and trying to impress someone cute. He didn’t remember if it worked or not.

After his little vomit issue, Logan was a bit less energetic. Understandably so. Throwing up always sucked. But throwing up after a night of drinking was even worse. It didn’t stop him from saying how much he loved Patton, though.

When Patton pulled in the driveway, he cursed under his breath. He forgot about Thomas. With Logan drunk out of his mind and extremely pliable, there was no doubt Thomas’s protective older brother instincts would take over. Patton tried to figure out what to say that wouldn’t result in his head on a pike.

“Come on, hon.” He helped Logan out of the car. Once again, all of his weight was against Patton. “Your brother’s gonna kill me for this, isn’t he?”

There seemed to be a magic word in there that caused Logan’s energy to return tenfold. A large grin split across his face and Patton could have sworn there were stars in his eyes. “Thomas is here.”

Okay, Logan getting excited to see Thomas was actually pretty cute. Patton smiled. “Yeah, baby, Thomas is here. Did you wanna see him?”

Logan nodded, almost cartoonish in nature.

“Let’s get inside, then.” While Patton wasn’t at all prepared to see Thomas, he couldn’t deny Logan what he wanted. That would just be cruel.

He struggled to open the door with Logan hanging off of his arm, but he managed. Thomas was laying on the couch watching Parks and Rec on a low volume. His attention diverted from that rather quickly. Almost right away, he was on his feet to reach Patton and Logan. Patton didn’t know why he was surprised. He had to admit that it was a little obvious Logan wasn’t his top-notch self.

Logan detached himself from Patton and all but collapsed into Thomas’s arms before anyone had a chance to say anything. “Thomas,” he said, a little too loud, “you’re amazing. You’re the best -- best brother I could ever ask for. And I... I love you so much.” He squished Thomas’s face with his hands. “I apre... pre-shate all you ever done. You’re so ‘mazing. I owe you so much. You a’ways make me ‘appy a-and you stick by me no matter what. You’re -- you’re just really great.” He gave him a tight hug.

Thomas stared at Patton, dumbfounded. “What... did you do to him?”

Patton held his hands up in defense faster than he could blink. “This was his own doing. I played no part in it.”

“Damien and I took shots,” Logan answered, partially muffled by Thomas’s shoulder.

“You did what?” Thomas pulled him away to look at his face. “How many did you take?”

“Five,” Patton answered. He knew full well Logan lost track.

“Five?” Thomas struggled to keep his voice down. He cradled Logan’s face. “Logan, you don’t drink. What are you doing taking five shots? Shots of what?”

“Mostly vodka.”

If Thomas’s eyes could get wider, they would have. “Vodka? Straight? Dude, how the hell are you still standing?” He checked over Logan as if the answer would be there somehow. “Why would you do something like that?”

Logan shrugged. “Damien wanted’ta get drunk.”

Princess Leia wandered into the living room, shaking herself out of her sleepiness. Her tail wagged as soon as she saw that her other owners were home.

Logan gasped loudly. “There’s my baby.” He fell to his knees to give her attention. “You’re such a good girl. Yes, you are.” He continued to coo and give her pets and scratches.

“I’m... I’m gonna scream. I’m going to actually scream.” Thomas ran his hands down his face. “There’s no way I’m leaving.”

“Leia, no. Go back to the boys.” Patton pried Logan away from her. “Go. Now.” He pointed out the doorway.

She obeyed after visible hesitation.

Patton worked on lifting Logan to his feet. “Look, I’m going to keep an eye on him. You’re free to stay if you want, but I promise I’m going to make sure he’s okay.” He kept him at his side. “I won’t let anything happen to him. He’ll be fine if you leave.”

Thomas crossed his arms. Patton recognized the face he made almost immediately. It was the same one Logan made when he weighed all possible options. That hard, calculating gaze was something they shared well. “Fine. But I’m calling first thing in the morning.”

Holy shit. He actually agreed? This was the greatest achievement of Patton’s life.

“If I find out anything happened, I’m pushing you down a flight of stairs.”

“If anything happens, I’ll fall down the stairs myself.”

Thomas smirked a little. “I’ll hold you to it.” He patted his pockets to see if he had everything. “Alright. The twins were lovely, as usual, and I look forward to the next time I get to see them. Goodnight -- keep my brother safe,” he pointed at Patton, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Logan sounded like a sad little boy who was told he couldn’t get the one toy he wanted for Christmas.

Thomas sent him a small smile. “I’m afraid so, bear. Patton’s going to be looking after you, okay?” He brushed Logan’s bangs to the side and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll see you later.”

Logan watched him go with the most disappointment Patton had ever seen on his face. He half expected Thomas to change his mind because of it.

“Okay, sweetheart, we’re going to get you some water then you’re going straight to bed.” He led them to the kitchen.

Unfortunately, Logan had to throw up one more time. Or a few times, rather. That seemed to be the end of the fun alcohol adventure. Patton made sure he was finished before giving him more water. On their way to the bedroom, Patton was stopped by a sleepy voice.

“Dad?” Roman called. He sounded half-asleep. “S’everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Your daddy’s just a little sick. Go back to sleep.” He made sure there wouldn’t be any more questions before continuing. He closed the door to the bedroom so Leia wouldn’t get in. As much as Logan loved to have her in here, she wouldn’t be very helpful.

He helped Logan into a clean shirt and guided him to bed. “I’ll be next door if you need something, okay, dear?” He slipped off his glasses. “Get some sleep.”

“Don’t.” Logan caught his wrist before he could leave. “Can’t you stay?” He looked at Patton with such vulnerability it sort of hurt to see.

��Only if you want me to.”

“Please.”

God, Patton couldn’t say no to that face. He slipped into his side of the bed for the first time in way too long. Of course the one night he’s allowed back is the one night Logan isn’t fully cognizant of his actions. In a way, it was almost poetic.

Logan buried his face into Patton’s chest almost immediately. He sighed in contentment, one arm thrown over Patton’s waist for good measure.

Patton hesitated before bringing him closer. The anxious part of his brain insisted that Logan would somehow snap out of this and scream at Patton to get away from him. After all, Logan didn’t invite him back sooner for a reason. But that didn’t happen. Logan seemed more than happy to be so close.

“You know,” he began, already sounding sleepy, “I love you a lot. Maybe too much. You could hurt me all you want and I’d still take you back. If you say sorry. And maybe that’s bad, but I think that’s what I would do. I love you too much to let you go.”

Oh, no. Oh, Logan. Patton kissed the top of his head and tried not to break down into tears. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear at all. He hoped, maybe, it was some sort of drunken nonsense, but he had a sickening feeling it wasn’t. He hated knowing this. He hated knowing that the crap he pulled -- that stupid, idiotic mistake that broke Logan’s heart -- wouldn’t have been the nail in the coffin of their relationship. As angry as Logan was, as upset as he was, he always planned to give Patton a second chance. It wasn’t comforting to know that.

If Patton was a lesser man than he already was, he would have used that to his advantage. He would have screwed Logan over, again and again, knowing he would be able to come back if he acted sorry enough. But someone already did that before, didn’t they?

Patton didn’t want to be anything like that person. He wanted to be as far away from them as he could get because Logan deserved someone so much better than that. Maybe the person he deserved wasn’t even Patton at all, but Patton was the person he chose. The least he could do was be a good husband. Logan deserved that and a million more things. He deserved to think more highly of himself, for one. One problem at a time, though, the most immediate problem would be the hangover tomorrow.

Patton woke up with a start. 

For a moment, he didn’t believe he was in his bedroom, but then he recalled the night before. He didn’t remember falling asleep. He still had his clothes and glasses on. Then he noticed he was alone. Before he could come up with a possible scenario, he heard throwing up in the bathroom. Uh oh. It wasn’t even morning yet.

He hurried down the hall. “Are you okay, bumblebee?” He asked from the doorway.

Logan glared at him from his hunched-over position. That answered that, then.

“Is Daddy okay?”

Patton turned to see Virgil, asleep on his feet. “What are you doing up?”

“I lost rock paper scissors.” He yawned.

“Daddy isn’t feeling well tonight. He’ll be fine --” he caught himself before he said ‘tomorrow’. There was no way in hell Logan would be functional tomorrow -- “later. Now go back to sleep. I have it handled.”

Virgil didn’t need to be told twice.

Patton sat with Logan until he finished throwing up. He knew from experience what a miserable time this was, but that also meant he knew how to make it more manageable. He gave Logan things to settle his stomach then practically carried him back to bed. They both fell asleep in no time at all.

When morning came, Patton called out of work. He also called Thomas to take the twins and Princess Leia. There was no way he was leaving Logan’s side today. Judging from the late-night vomiting, and heavy sleeping, this would be a rough first hangover. He decided to sit in bed and scroll through random apps until Logan decided to wake up.

“Oh my God,” Logan groaned. He rolled over so his face would be in his pillow.

Patton couldn’t help the smirk that played at his lips. “Well, good morning, sleeping beauty. How do you feel?”

“I think I’m dying.”

“I can assure you you’re not.” He put away his phone and laid back down. “It’s just a hangover. You’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

Logan groaned again. He moved his head to look at Patton. “How do you never feel like this after drinking?”

“Years of practice.”

“Oh, well, I’m definitely not getting that.” He flipped over and threw an arm over his eyes. “That’s the last time I drink anything ever.”

Patton smiled in amusement. “How much do you remember?”

“Honestly? I blacked out after the second shot.”

“That explains why you kept going.”

Logan shot up, eyes wide. “I kept going?” That clearly wasn’t the right move. He grimaced and curled in on himself, a wounded sound leaving his throat. “Why the hell didn’t you stop me?”

“Do you really think I’m in a position to stop you from doing anything?”

“Fair point.” Logan laid back down as slowly as possible. “God, this is the worst.” He bumped his fingers against Patton’s.

“Well,” Patton took his hand, “I’m here to help you through it.”

~~~

@actitus-hypoleucos

#after 14 stories #its finally patton's turn #sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #janus sanders #emile picani #ts emile #ts sleep #ts remy sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logicality #alcohol tw #berry done au

[inyoursheets]

writer asks

tagged by the wonderful @bourbon-ontherocks, @mego42 and sorta by @sothischickshe whose attempt to tag me made me laugh 

ao3 name: 

nomind. im not even sure why at this point

fandoms: 

ive only published good girls fics on ao3, but there may or may not still be some terribly written unfinished hp fics (probably x reader) made by thirteen y/o me floating about online somewhere.

number of fics: 

i keep thinking the answer is like, three, but it’s actually five. that’s how memorably my fics are lmao

fic i spent the most time on: 

oh, for sure my latest, warm water. ive never spent this much time plotting, editing, thinking things over. as evidenced by the rest of the fics ive published lol

fic i spent the least amount of time on:

i thought it was maybe the spanking fic but that one actually sat unfinished in my drafts for a long time now that i think about it, bc it wasn’t gonna get its own fic, it was supposed to be part of chapter two of the never have i ever fic . i think it was how do i even... say that? bc once i knew what i was trying to say with it, it got real easy to write, but im not sure! 

most hits:

this is so funny bc i had no idea -- i expected the answer to be warm water, but that one is just barely third, almost fourth! the winner is actually my super self-indulgent never have i ever fic that i can’t believe so many people fuck with, some time in your sheets

most kudos:

now that one is warm water

most comment threads:

also warm water! and everyone is so sweet! but also so frustrated! which is very fair haha, im frustrating myself by writing this tbh. but i think the frustration is gonna be worth it. i hope?

most bookmarks:

once again, warm water

highest total word count:

warm water and im very excited about the fact that i've only published like, half, and i still have to write a couple of scenes, some of which i expect to be pretty girthy. im so happy i finally managed to start a (proper) multi-chapter fic.

favourite fic i wrote:

i think either how do i even... say that? bc the subject matter matters to me and actually grew out of my own need to process some things -- verbalizing what you want during sex is scary ok! -- and i think people also took it that way? there have been some really kind comments on it, specifically about the message i was trying to convey/stumbled upon while writing, so that is wonderful! i actually never responded to any of those comments bc i suddenly got self-conscious about author comment etiquette and im thinking it would look weird to do so now, but i am really surprised and humbled by them!

 or warm water for reasons im not gonna go into until ive finished it, but yeah, it gets a special place in my heart, too, trust me on that. it also unfolded in such a great way as i was writing it, it really took a different turn from what i had originally planned out, which has been such an interesting process and it really made me feel joy to be writing again, you know? when characters/scenes just sorta take over? so it’s been definitely the most enjoyable to write i’d say. but also the least haha, which makes it so special.

fic i want to rewrite/expand on:

i feel like my very first fic could lend itself pretty easily to being expanded and becoming a proper AU, it would be pretty hassle-free to continue, but i don’t know if that’s a path i wanna go down. maybe some time in your sheets bc i did weave in that they’d been fucking regularly and i kinda liked their dynamic there, but my goodness, it’s so plotless! all my smut fics are so plotless! technically even the spanking fic could like, get another chapter of more spanking, but what would be the point? 

maybe how do i even... say that? would be the most interesting to continue, to see how beth learns how to vocalize her wants and needs in bed, how she grows in that, but idk if i am equipped to write such a thing. hmm. im gonna think about it, after i finish the beast that is warm water.

share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on:

so ive got some dialogue between beth and stan sitting in my drafts bc i love a beth/stan friendship, but it didn’t fit in anything else i wrote, nor will it fit with an AU like warm water. im excited to use it one day, not bc the dialogue is any good (it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if literally none of the actual dialogue ever makes it to the actual fic) but i love the vibe in that scene. they discuss d*nsie, so unfortunately that fic must include that douche canoe, so that’s sad

what i also have is a barely-there rough draft/idea for a beth/rio/rhea threesome fic (mostly inspired by one particular sex position i wanna see them in) that is gonna take a while to actually write bc as @foxmagpie has pointed out it’s really hard to try and make that not be completely ooc, and i think im not gonna start until finish warm water.

and that’s that! im tagging @missmaxime @fairhairedkings @sothischickshe (who i now realize probably already did this?) and @sdktrs12 if you feel like it!

#tag games #fic #thanks so much for the tags!!! #im sorry I get so rambly #once I have a thought I have to explain the thought you feel me? idk I escalate #my fic

[spinblue]

—How I Run My Blog!

if it wasn’t obvious already, I literally cannot shut the fuck up ever. I also never heard of condensing. That is a foreign concept to me.

Speed Basically I’m as slow as Sonic is fast — 

I wish I could do replies faster, but I just can’t? I have literally sat at my computer for hours trying to reply and it just doesn’t happen. I guess I gotta be in a certain mindset to do replies, but heck if I know what kind. awoienaoweawenawe 

I just don’t want to give out shitty replies, and in order for my replies to not be downright awful I gotta work on them a lot aowienaowie it doesn’t come naturally to me at all. 

Replies

I'm all for rping any lengths and mostly I just try to match my rp partner’s lengths, and try to keep in mind what it seems like they are comfortable with. 

Which includes not going over, and I gotta tell you, there have been threads were I have deleted multiple paragraphs of my reply because I realize that not everyone is up for multiparagraphed (borderline novella at times) threads. I just physically do not know how to NOT ramble.

That being said, if I ever do go off in one of our threads — you don’t gotta match lengths. Just give me your best shot and it’ll be fine, I promise. I’m never counting paragraphs here. 

Formatting is very minimal, with usually just one icon per reply. I try to reply more or less in order ( so I try to reply to the threads where I was given the reply first ) but, unfortunately my muse doesn’t work that way all the time, so I do skip around here and there. I apologize if you’ve been waiting for a reply for a long while, I promise it’s not because I don’t want to rp with you, but as I said, I am horrendously slow at all things. 

Starters

I don’t usually post starter calls. I lack the creativity honestly aoweianwe But also I am usually super behind on replies as is so ( though then again, that doesn’t stop me from liking other people’s starter calls and inbox calls bc I am a fool )

I do inbox calls occasionally, though! Usually when I’m lacking muse for anything in my drafts but wanna do something small. These can absolutely turn into threads and can sort of be seeing as a super mini starter? Though they also do not have to turn into anything more than a one-off interaction. Usually I ask if it’s okay to reply to an ask answer before I reply to it. 

Inbox

My inbox is always open! I am horrendously slow at answering asks too though. Gosh I’m a mess. But if you ever do have something you wanna send me, please do! I’ll get to it eventually I promise aowienaowe

I’m forever accepting any and all memes that I reblog! If you wanna interact with me but lack ideas/kinda shy, sending in a sentence prompt meme is probably the best way to start, tbh. 

Though I’m also perfectly okay with unprompted asks being sent! Just send me anything and everything tbh 

I’ll always be open to turning an ask that I answer into a full thread if you want to! 

Selectivity

I’m semi-selective and completely mutuals only. I do wish I could rp with everyone, but as I have said for each of these sections bc it affects literally everything I do — I am horrendously slow. 

I also like to keep my dash clean, so I may not follow back if there are a lot of non-rp related things reblogged. I also usually don’t follow back blogs that have no rules, though sometimes I make exceptions if I know the mun is someone chill. 

If you break my rules, that’s an automatic I’m never going to interact, sorry. It just says to me that either you didn’t bother to read them in the first place, or you did read them but then decided to ignore it. Neither is great honestly. 

Please respect people’s rules. They are there for a reason.

Wishlist ( some of these I have threads for already, but I always want more okay aoweinwe )

I want to do a thread with Sonic signing for most of it, for whatever reason.

Someone calling Sonic out on his bullshit and how he has royally fucked up in IDW. I want someone to actually blame him, resent him, because those were actual, real, people that were all affected just because Sonic wanted to play the ‘good guy’ and believe in the ‘good’ in people despite having every reason to not. 

Sonic actually talking with someone and telling them how much he cares for them. I don’t see him as the mushy-talky kind of guy. He usually likes to speak with actions rather than words — but at the same time words can be powerful. And one day he’ll just have to let his friends know how much they mean to him. 

Basically give me anything with soft. 

I live for supportive Sonic who’s life advice is basically just to go for it. To smile, to run, because you do have the freedom to, you just gotta make use of it. 

I’d like a thread where Sonic can just joke around too?? Like he’d poke fun at someone, be poked fun at back, and just be general little shits together. Just a small silly thread for the fun of it 

A lot more but I have zero memory when I need it

Honest Note

Okay real talk for a sec, but I sit on replies for weeks, and yet I want to always create more threads?? 

There are times where I want to invade people’s dms and talk about ideas and such that I have and that I want to thread. But then I look at my drafts and see that I still owe a reply, and feel too guilty to ask for more aoweinawe 

Also I’m awful at one-on-one conversation. I just??? Don’t have the capability of keeping conversations going aoiwenaewoaieniaw I have no idea how to. So if we have talked and the conversation just fades out on my end, I am so very sorry and i promise it’s not a sign that I don’t want to talk with you. I just fail at human interaction aoweianwewe 

But I do want to get to know everyone that I follow. You all are awesome as heck alright. 

Other than that, know that I adore you all a lot. It’s a lot of fun seeing everyone on dash! Whether you are doing ic stuff, or ooc things. Keep doing what you are doing, because you’re doing great just as you are! 

#sometimes i look at what i write #see how long it got #and wonder just why #➟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ʜᴀꜱ ɪᴛꜱ ᴇɴᴅ [ OOC ] #meme answer

[momiwanabeanautistwhenigrowup]

So here I am. Doing the one thing I have steadily avoided for the last 4 years…somewhat.

I shouldn’t start off this way but fuck I hate writing. And there goes the first impression, etched forever in your subconscious.

She’s not going to be happy about this. Meh.

So I’m a 30 y/o stuck in this hellhole and this is my story? I guess. I mean it’s really ours.

I basically made this account to vent ..uh then I realised I’d have to go all the way back for it to make sense…and I guess my life has always been this series/rpg game so it might take shape in that style. I’m mostly explaining this to myself.

Jump to 2016. I started this biography venture bc in my short 25 years I’d amassed a set of experiences that were not so average middle class life experiences, and not in the good way. Now if you take my story and place it on the backdrop of each life on this earth then, in my opinion, my life is pretty ordinary too. Hence the (reason I tell myself there was a) delay with finishing this biography. Anyway so I sat down to write this thing a total of two times(fucking literary genius) in 2016, sometime in April if I recall correctly. It was horrible but necessary, and then I guess I found magic? And decided to halt production since well…I was busy coming into awareness. I still have the draft on this pc... I stopped when I was 10 years old.

Jump to 2020 and I’m in front of this computer with Tumblr as my backdrop in order for me to feel like I have and audience and therefore someone to talk to (I decided to type this shit out on word before copy pasting to tumblr bc apparently I don’t like living on the edge??)

I’m high as fuck (I would like to say.. but na, I’m just regular high off some freshly home-grown microwaved weed.) anyway this is probably going to be my last indulgent ingestion of the stuff. Hopefully.

Don’t get me wrong, weed isn”t to blame and I have people I can talk to, but the problem is

Everyone

Has

Their

Own

Shit.

None I know has the space. I’m the most equipped to deal with myself. To me, that is deeply unsettling right now. Like… most people don’t even know where to begin and..well..I’ve been here before so I know what to do and honestly it’s fucking shit haha.

And as shitty as I feel, it doesn’t change the fact. I gotta figure this out on my own.

I’m a 30 y/o natural med student in my second year of my 5 year degree. I live at my parent’s house in a relatively good neighbourhood, I have the most comfortable bed, a loving cat, a good-looking bedroom and many middle class luxuries…like an en suite. I have a very comfortable house to live in and there is always food whenever I feel like eating or even just to cook for fun(my talents lie in the kitchen, potions, medicines and treats are my favourite pastimes, I love to nourish people. Don’t let it fool you though.) it’s c o v i d year rn and I don’t pay for shit.. factually, I’m pretty privileged to have all that I do physically.

My parents have always been around in physicality, even when they weren’t there, especially when they weren’t there… which was and still is a lot.  And in rolls one of the overarching themes emerges. Welcome welcome.

I got that far and took a Facebook break, bitch she runnin

So yeah I was born in this bitch back in 1990, two guys got here before me, one 11 years prior, the other 3 years after the first. Then I showed up after our parents reconciled after a 6-month separation. But like…that doesn’t happen in my life till 2019.

I’m currently contemplating piercing my lip or nose but I threw out all of my old jewellery. Geezus, it’s her and she is 22. (side note to myself,  please ignore)

Anyway so yeah I get borned unto these guys; a drummer butalso telephone technician and an accountant, both were raised as worker bees but are actually uh..nope. spoiler one is a caster the other is a timekeeper. Both mages, but they don’t know.

I was this scared to shit little creature of a child. I slept between them once It was safe to do so (I know almost nothing about kids but I’m assuming it’s a safety hazard to sleep next to new-borns? let alone to let them sleep between two people whom are also asleep. Also, I recall sleeping in this white, wooden cot thing which used to chill next to their bed. It opened up like some gates did in those medieval(<-never understood this word tbh) castles, the ones that go vertically up and down. (Yes, I remember. I remember realising I was back on this plane when I was 2 months old, it’s my earliest memory-trust me this becomes highly unimpressive once I turn 23 so hold on before you think I’m lookin for clout on this one). Like I get that that is cute and all, legit I was cradled in safety but like, that cradle started to close in very soon. Too much of a good thing changes poles kids. Leave Jesus alone he wants to have some him time.

So yeah a lot happens that was quite significant during these first 4 years but I don’t remember much but a few glimpses. Bouncing on my dad’s chest, the lounge on a sunny Sunday, mom in a beige coat, long pretty hair, a family vacation where I wore this 2 piece I loved and there was a blue waterslide tube, a fight about racism (early 90s, go figure..but like also 2020 fr) a roller-skating rink, a “haunted” forest walk, Easter…. man that vacation was fun. Most of the things I remember were from age 4 onwards. But I do have snippets of before.. playing dress up with my cousins, hiding in cupboards, hiding behind makeshift tents, maaaaany makeshift tents, talks about camping outside by the pool (oh we had quite a nice sized house with a huge yard and quite a big pool too, I learned to swim when I was two, I spent a lot of time in and around water as a kidling) I spent and remember most of my time with my cousins and being angry at our aunts. I did ballet from the age of 4 as well, I remember my mom asking me if I wanted to do ballet and I said yes, we were in this blue ballet room where one of my cousins was busy with her class. She got here 7 or 8 years ahead of me too.

Idk my childhood was pretty colourful, even today, I remember it being filled with lots of adventure. At least until I started going to crèche, but only for mornings until the other kids got here and it took my mind off of the fact that my mom wasn’t there. I hated it when my mom left me anywhere, I still remember what that felt like and it’s still nauseating despite the fact that I’m about 26 years older now.

also i’m finally posting this now and the high has already worn off. 24 hours to go.

fuck.

#fuck #autobiography #biography #time to whine

[afangirlwashere]

Wrong door (Louis x reader)

(gif is not mine all credit goes to the creator)

A/N: so.......I’m gonna keep this short and quick......after what the fuck happened to my sweet sweet boy in this episode I just really really needed some Louis in my life ‘kay? This was sitting in my drafts since episode 2 and I forgot how good of a boy he was. I still can’t fucking believe what the actual fuck fuck happened what the fu-anyways.. If any of you have any burning ideas my requests are open so....y’know what to do...I’m sad and angry and need to go to bed so I hope you enjoy...peace.....✌️

Warnings: just some swearing, don’t worry about spoilers there ain’t any for ep. 3

Summary: Soup sucks as much as changes nobody told you about. 

(while reading I suggest you listen to this song bc it’s a bop and it nicely flows with the fic)

Soup.  Soup all the time. It was definitely better than starving but ugh.. Fuck that soup! 

(Y/N) would KILL for some fruit.  ‘Apple... Or a banana... Oh my god... Watermelon!’

“What ya’ thinking about?” Ruby asks.

“Watermelon...” (Y/N) blurts out.

Everybody at the table grunts in unison. 

“Goddamnit (Y/N)! Why do you always do this? Now I want it so bad I’d shave my head for it!” Louis bangs his head on the picnic table.

“No, you wouldn’t.” Violet says unfazed while putting another spoon of the tasteless soup in her mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right... But I’d shave your head for a piece.” Louis points at her with his spoon while smiling charmingly.

Violet has just about enough energy to roll her eyes at him.

“Or an orange... orange juice...” (Y/N) dreamily looks ahead of her.

“Somebody shut her up or I’m gonna leave this table!” Louis covers his ears.

“Please continue (Y/N).” Vi turns to her and sneers. 

“Strawberries...” she can feel the drools almost slipping her mouth.

“You’re killing me!” Louis is jokingly overdramatic as usual.

It gets annoying from time to time but at least it’s entertaining. Not a lot of fun stuff happening around here anymore.

He was the fun one of the group.  Definitely.

“Alright, I had enough!” Aasim angrily stomps to their table. 

(Y/N) didn’t notice him walking towards them because of her fruit fantasies. 

He throws a bunch of letters in front of them. 

“Whoever is doing this it’s time to stop!” he seems to be getting more and more furious each second he has to stand there “You guys already make fun of me all the fucking time especially you Louis! So if this is one of your stupid jokes-”

“Hold up, hold up... Why the fuck do you have these?!” Louis stands up.

“So they are from you!” Aasim furrows his eyebrows.

“I’ll repeat myself one more time. Why the fuck do you have these?!” Louis snarls.

That’s a whole new side of him. He never seemed to get too angry about... anything. Thinking about it (Y/N) has never seen him in a real fight with anyone yet. Well not in a fight that wasn’t supposed to be a joke.  He was kinda scary in this state. 

“Because you keep fucking shoving them under my door!” 

“No, I don’t! Your room is upstairs!” Louis defends himself.

“What is going on?” Ruby whispers to the others.

“I’m not sure, but I’m intrigued.” Tenn’s big eyes keep moving from one boy to the other. 

(Y/N) shrugs “I don’t know... I just wanted some fruit.” 

“No, it’s not! My room is eight doors before yours! I switched my old one with (Y/N)’s because she kept knocking on my door every night to climb on the rooftop and then left through my room again! It got annoying and I couldn’t sleep so I offered her to switch!” the vein on Aasim’s forehead kept on getting bigger and bigger. 

Louis stared at Aasim in shock.

If Louis wasn’t in the middle of that conflict (Y/N) could just hear him saying “Careful! If that vein pops we’re gonna have a problem.” 

“So I was... I-I was giving the letters... The whole time! To you?” 

“YES!” Aasim picks them all up again and throws them at Louis’s head and storms off to the school building. 

Louis runs after him right away “Aasim! Wait! Come on dude I wasn’t making fun of you let me explain!” 

The rest of the kids at the table exchange confused looks. 

When the wind picks up all letters start to scatter around.

“We should catch ‘em. Don’t want them floating around.” Ruby picks up two letters that still haven’t left the table. 

Tenn - being the smallest one - crawls under the table to catch another one.

(Y/N) has to chase one for a bit till it gets stuck in a bush. Violet hands her the rest of them. She notices (Y/N)’s confused stare “They were obviously meant for you. I hope you realize that... He thought he was sliding them in your room the whole time.” 

(Y/N) sets her gaze on the letters.

There were little doodles on every envelope. Stars, hearts, snowflakes, cartoony looking walkers, heads of dogs and cats, little bees, butterflies,   pressed old looking flower, all that cute stuff. 

“But why the hell would he-” (Y/N) stops talking the moment Violet’s expression changes into ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’  

“Do I really have to explain this to you as well? Louis would flirt with anything that has two legs. I thought you weren’t that oblivious... It’s obvious he likes you.” Vi keeps an unbothered stare.

“I picked up on that I’m not that dumb. But why wouldn’t he just... tell me? He is a very verbal guy after all.” (Y/N) shrugs.

Violet looks a lot less unbothered while rubbing her eyes now “Because he’s one of those ‘helpless romantics’, I don’t know! He’s an idiot! An extra idiot! He probably has like fifty songs prepared for you. I think he wanted you to feel special or something like that... I don’t know how boys think!” 

“Yeah, you might have a point...” (Y/N) thinks out loud “There was this one time I wanted Ruby to braid my hair but she didn’t have time so Louis offered he’d do it.” 

Violet looks startled “He knows how to braid hair?” 

“He doesn’t.” (Y/N) chuckles “Well he didn’t know at the time but I taught him. It took some time but he really liked it so I taught him a fish braid and dutch braid and... looking back at it now I don’t think he was that interested in braiding my hair.” 

“He just wanted to spend time with you... I mean he does pick you for everything. Patrols? Hunts?”

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” (Y/N) clutches the letters with more force. 

“Hey!” Vi shouts right after her “Just... Whatever you do, don’t hurt him too much alright?” 

Louis sat at an old school desk. There was still one room left mostly untouched by the disasters of the apocalypse. 

The downstairs classroom which was meant for classes like history, geography, and biology.  They took most of the maps off the walls because they were useful but some of them still stayed up. 

The chalkboard was filled with drawings. They dedicated this one to the kids so they could have fun with it. There were other chalkboards in other rooms which they used for plans or rules.  Until they got out of chalk. 

Still, it was nice to see one part of the school stay the same. 

Louis remembered the boring biology classes he spent sending secret messages with Marlon or drawing funny pictures of Miss. Gonzales - their teacher. Oh, how he wishes he paid more attention in that class. 

“Can we talk?” 

Louis dreaded this moment ever since he slipped that first letter under the door. Which kind of backfired at him with that whole Aasim thing but... He’ll be angry about it for a while and eventually, he’ll forget.  Aasim is not very good at holding grudges. 

“You know, I found those envelopes and papers here... And then I got that stupid idea to write letters. I’m gonna go dig a grave before I fully process how much I fucked up this time.” his foot is nervously tapping on the floor. 

“Oh come on it wasn’t that bad. Could have been worse I think. You could have been accidentally sending them to Violet.” (Y/N) sits down in the school desk that’s next to him.

“Nope, that wouldn’t have happened. I would slide that piece of paper under her door and before I could straighten my back she’d open the door and throw the envelope on my head just like Aasim did.” Louis weakly smiles.

(Y/N) has the same smile on her face. 

“Listen, Louis,” she starts “I picked up on your little crush on me.”

“Little? It’s huge! It overgrew me in a few weeks! I couldn’t even look at you when I was talking to you! Felt like my face was on fire every time!” 

(Y/N) looks at him startled “Well... Okay... I-I just wanted to tell you that I’m not freaked out by this. I don’t think you’re weird or anything.” she put the letters on the table in front of him “Here... I haven’t read any of them. If you don’t want me to read them I won’t. You can keep them and do whatever you want with them. Burn them, bury them, keep them, I don’t know. But I’ll let you decide.” 

Louis looks at her with big dark eyes “You... You don’t want them?”

“No! It’s not like that!” (Y/N) panicks “I just thought maybe you wish you could take it all back and getting rid of them without me ever seeing what you wrote could help you.” 

He looks at her with furrowed brows “I want you to keep them. Don’t read them now though that would be... weird. If anything happens to me I want you to have them so that, you know, you’ll have something left from me.” 

“Nothing is going to happen to you, Louis. I’m not losing you. You’re going to be safe and sound here with us. At home.” 

The older boy studies her face for a good second “If I wasn’t so sure you didn’t feel the same way about me like I feel about you I’d say you like me too little (Y/N).” he smirks. 

She takes a shaky breath “Never said I didn’t.” 

His response is just like she presumed.  Shocked. His stare is a bit uncomfortable but what else could he do?

“I was just waiting for you to y’know... Say something. I’m not the most confident in these ‘romantic’ things I’m sure you’re aware of that. But you seem to shine in those things so I thought... you would do something.” (Y/N) feels the need to explain her point of view.

“I just-I never thought you-I mean you always-you always seemed to not care. I thought you didn’t think about me the same way I do about you.”

“I mean, yeah you’re kinda annoying. I don’t really get how you can just blurt out stuff without caring plus your jokes can be a little insensitive at times and you named your weapon Chairless which I still think is the most childish thing you ever did but... I guess it’s all part of the reasons why I like you so much. You’re different.” (Y/N) smiles at him. 

“That was the nicest thing anyone has said about me.” Louis stands up while fixing the collar on his jacket. 

“Well, you are a nice person.” the girl stands up as well “No doubt about that.” 

They stand facing each other for a few seconds and then Louis speaks again.

“Tomorrow. After lunch. Come to the piano room.” his voice is back at his confidently relaxed tone which makes (Y/N) happier than she thought it would.

“Like a date?” she asks out of curiosity. 

“Like a date.” he nods and walks past her brushing his shoulder against hers on purpose. 

(Y/N) grins widely and turns around “I’ll be there. And you better play me a song that you’ve written about me.” 

Louis looks back over his shoulder “Oh don’t worry. I got a lot of those up in my sleeves.” he winks at her and finally leaves.

(Y/N)’s stomach did that weird thing again that it did when she first met Louis. If she remembered correctly Minnie always said that those were “butterflies in your stomach” and somehow...? It perfectly described the feeling. 

#neeeded some fluff? here ya go guys #i am doing my part #louis #twdg #the walking dead #the walking dead game #the walking dead: final season #the walking dead final season #final season #twd #louis twd #tenn #tennessee #ruby #ruby twdg #violet #violet twdg #self insert #self insert fanfic #fanfiction #self insert fanfiction #x reader fanfic #louis x reader #reader fanfic #x reader fanfiction #minnie #minerva #minnie twdg #minerva twdg #fluff

[spaceshipkat]

so i’m reading the sj/m tor interview, and here’s a couple highlights i wanted to share

Q: I want to talk a little bit about the jump from YA to adult. You’ve said in the past that you’d leave the shelving location up to your publishers, but did you know as you were writing that this was different from your previous work?

A: So it wasn’t a conscious choice to write adult, it was just—here is this story that I’m having an extremely awesome reaction to, this is the character that walked into my head. Moving to adult now just feels like the right move, this is the story that’s been so close to my heart for so many years. This is the next thing I’m dying to publish.

(hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

Q: What was the editorial process like, was it different?

A: Sometimes giant chunks of the story, or I’ll take out characters or add characters in, I do a lot of very intense revising. I really look forward to the editorial process because its that essential time for the book to become what it needs to be. It gives me time to figure out what I want this book to be. Whenever I turn in a first draft, I know that first draft is awful so I dump the book on my editors lap, and I’m like please help me make it better!

(oh please. i’m rolling my eyes again)

Q: You started on Throne of Glass when you were sixteen. Was it different to work on a series that hasn’t been with you for that long?

A: With Crescent City, I’ve really had to do a lot of planning for the second and third books. What are some of the big reveals that I can set up for in book one? With ToG and ACoTaR, I had the luxury of years of letting those books sit and figuring out what I wanted to do with them, so I could really plan the twists and turns and revelations. But with this one I don’t have all those years, I need to be smart and figure out what I really want to happen. So I’ve been heavily plotting book two and book three, and it’s actually really fun. Even if I’m not typing actual words for those books, it’s really fun to put on my headphones and daydream about what I want to happen next, and then see how I can be really sneaky in book one and put all those details in so that when something huge happens, readers can be surprised. I love writing those moments, my “mic drop” moments, and I love hearing from readers when they say “yeah, I was hoping that would happen” or “I didn’t see that coming but now I totally see that you were planting the seeds for that”.

(this is such bullshit)

Q: Crescent City is a decidedly urban setting, with modern technology alongside supernatural creatures. What was the world-building process like?

A: How can I have an old school fantasy world but give them indoor plumbing? Which, for ToG and ACoTaR—these are set in older times but they need to have toilets that run, and then I have to invent an aqueduct system for the city and explain how the water is carried, there’s a sewer network. But for Crescent City, toilet paper is a given, don’t need to explain that one.

A: There are a whole other set of questions that I’m still chipping away at. I love those world building details, and the world of Crescent City is populated by almost every magical, mythical creature you could think of and they all exist together side by side in this very complex hierarchy. Its kind of like the Roman Empire, and it’s been fun to say, a really hot vampire guy is trolling the clubs, so I can play on some of those tropes and have fun with them.

(well now we know why it has Roman columns so imma need someone to hold my beer. also, she didn’t explain once how the t0g world has indoor plumbling, so fuck that)

Q: And with technology, it doesn’t always work. Cellphones get stolen or lost or broken.

A: And I grew up in New York City, and so getting to write a character living in a city feels like I’m home again. Bryce, my main character, works at a magical antiquities gallery, and I spent one summer in college working at an antiquities gallery. Her job is a lot more exciting than mine ever was, I mostly sat at the reception desk in the gallery waiting for people to come in and if someone did I’d say, here’s the 2000 year old bust from Crete. I would give little tours of it. Bryce has magical artifacts in her gallery that could come alive and kill her so it’s a lot more exciting that my—oh, it’s 10:00AM, time for my yogurt and six almonds. I had a very regimented schedule to keep boredom at bay, I read the New York Times cover to cover every day. It isn’t an exciting market. I loved it because I love ancient art. It was amazing to go into a space every day and sit surrounded by things that were so ancient that were really expensive too. If I break it, I will be working here for the rest of my life. But it was really cool, so I kind of drew on that experience for Bryce—and being young and in the city. Bryce does things that I could not do, but I pulled from my experiences.

( @longsightmyth you’re gonna have to keep me chill while she uses this as an excuse to not do thorough research on how you properly handle ancient artifacts. we saw how she treats ancient books, so this is bullshit)

Q: It’s rare to find a fantasy series built on female friendship. Was that a conscious choice, to center the relationship between Bryce and her roommate, Dani?

A: Yeah, I’m lucky to have the most wonderful husband in the world and I’ve been with him for 15 years now—but so I’ve had this amazing and epic love with him that’s shaped my life. But I’ve also had my life shaped by the friendships I’ve had at different stages in my life.

(not to nitpick, but 1) why would you bring up your husband when asked about female friendships, 2) this is ridiculous bc she doesn’t write female friendships well, and 3) can we stop praising her for stuff like this? so many authors write female friendships much healthier than sj/m, so here we’re just stroking her already enormous ego)

#anti sjm #anti crescent city

[queencryo]

Journal 3

now with readmore

Journal 3

So! After typing up the last blog post, it was like… 6 am, or some shit like that. And so I finally went to sleep, very very very tired.

Silly and I had planned for me to have the buffalo chicken dip ready before she got home form work, but I… fucked that up, and slept until like 630 pm. She didn’t seem to be upset by it, but I kind of was so. Anyway!

I started on the dip, and she came home, I welcomed her (I love welcoming her home. It makes me look forward to being here long-term). Dip didn’t get started in the crockpot until like 730, 8 (I had to heat freezer chicken so it was cuttable and not frozen, I used the stove) (normally I use regular raw chicken, but I got nervous while shopping with silly’s mom so I like. Just got freezer chicken.) It turned out pretty well actually! The freezer chicken tasted very good on its own, and I’m just now realizing that after a couple days in the fridge the chicken starts breaking down in the dip anyway (I didn’t realize this until silly pointed it out, cuz I’m a [not stupid, but I don’t pay very much attention to things around me])

On that note, me and silly have started, like. Trying to be mean to ourselves less. It started cuz she. Is very mean to herself, but I then realized I still am too, so we’re! trying to do that less. It’s neat I guess. I like it. Kindness is good.

Don’t remember what was eaten for dinner that night. Something? Went upstairs to watch something while the dip cooked.

The dip was good! Silly says it was good, and that makes me very very happy. I added like. A good amount of buffalo sauce after it was done cooking, cuz it still needed some more kick. Ya know? Some  kick? (I’m typing this on my laptop so I’m like. Kind of zoning out while I’m typing it. Dw about it)

Around then I realized that silly might have problems eating that as a meal bc chips are carbs are sugar, so… bleh. Still, *I’ll* eat it as meals, nyeh. I think I’ll ocntinue using raw chicken for the dip at home, it’s nice to have the leftovers from it to put into spaghetti. Chicken spaghetti.

That night I resolved to just not sleep and stay up and eat breakfast with silly before she went to work, because that seemed very fun and nice ya know? Watched a lot of adventure time, I think I’m up to like. Season 5 now (the long one)

But… around an hour before she was scheduled to wake p I was like “oh well I mean it’ll be fine if I just… sleep for an hour and wake up with her…”

Long story short I slept until about 530 pm, and was startled to wake to an empty bed. Apparently I sleepily said I loved her before she left, though, so I guess that’s not a total loss.

So! Later that night, silly comes home all excited, and like. “Hey we should buy an xbox one”

And you know I am nothing if not someone who is willing to make very expensive decisions for like no reason. So long story short we go to gamestop, and make a delightful purchase of Halo: master chief collection, two controllers, Mass Effect: Andromeda, and NO t-shirts that say gamer girl >>>:(

Ate a place in town that is apparently The Local Wing Place. I got. Mild wings, which honestly were barely even hot. I guess I shoulda heeded the menu bit that said the mild was mostly butter. A fool am I. The fried pickles were spears not slices so they were like! Still good, EXTREMELY hot but still good.

Came home, set up the xbox. Halo requires downloading of all the games (because of course). It’s like. 70 GB, but we reduce this by setting Halo 3 to higher priority and disabling Halo 4.

Playing 3 with silly was very fun. She’s way way better at it than me, mostly bc she is smart and stays back whereas I, dumbo raised on normal difficulty that I am, rush in and die quickly in heroic.

She spent like. An hour and a half or something updating her old xbox account. Her new xbox avatar looks way better, and is extremely cool (like her). She says it feels really nice updating all of that to her new self. I can understand the feeling: ridding the wolrd of another footprint of a you that’s a lie is. Very nice, I think.

So we played more halo! No highlights, I think, but it was really nice. And fun. I’m a girl and I’m gay now and I love jesus, but I still love halo C:

I ALSO brought fable 2 along, and played it while silly slept. Gotdamn I fucking love fable 2. Silly says I’m cute when I’m really excited about something. I was REALLY excited about fable 2. I think this is the first time I’ve ever done a run that’s (hopefully) gonna be mostly strength, and possibly I’m gonna use a hammer, where before I always ALWAYS used a katana. But. I just unlocked third level shock (oo) and a very pretty steel cleaver (ooo), so… ….. hopin’ I’ll be a good bastard.

Next day. Went with silly to work, as it was Friday and Time For The Magic Commander (Commeownder, in the local parlance). I only played commander a little bit, though, before silly called me over “hey do you wanna join the draft so that there are 5 rounds and everyone suffers” (my words not hers), and of course yes, that sounds so fun.

So! What draft is is each table (of I think eight people?) opens a pack of cards for each person there. You pick out the card you want from that pack, and pass it on to the next person. Then pick a card from the new pack, then the next, then so on and on. It was very fun, and I fell kinda quickly into running a Golgari (green and black) deck, which went well for me I think? (Also I just. Like golgari. They’re cool, and not annoying like blue). I had a lot of undergrowth effects, which depended on how many creatures I had in my graveyard. MEANING, that I had a lot of creatures in my deck, and enough land to keep them flowing. So, at one point, I had a, I think, 13/13 or 16/16 (idr) Rhizome lurker (gains +1/1 for each creature in graveyard), so that was… cool? Neat?

I won my first match of the draft, largely due to my opponent offering me a lot of tips cuz I was new (the boyfriend (boyfriend, right? They’re not married?) of the person silly had an encounter with a couple months ago. I think that was before we were dating. But that guy was my first opponent, and it went well?) largely due to his help, I won te first game of the match, then the second game timed out.

Second match was against F, who everyone silly knows apparently has a crush on (I also have a crush on them (they/them)), they were very very sweet and I enjoyed my game with them a lot even though they kicked the love of god out of my ass. But they also like. Told jokes during it, so whatevs. (turns out a deck of flyers will kick a goglari deck with no reach/flying in the ass.) they also helped me edit my deck, so that was very very kind of them, and I very much appreciate it.

Uh… other highlights… uh, I played silly’s ex (they dated for like. I think a month? But still. He’s not nearly as big as silly described him), and apparently hurt his feelings because I am a. very very mean and abrasive person if you take the things I say seriously. I. feel bad about that. And I spent the rest of the night noting to please not take the things I said seriously. I ended the night with 1 win, 1 draw, 3 losses, but that’s? very very much better than I expected, tbh. I guess using a deck I actually had a hand in the creation of helps a lottttt. So that’s cool! Silly said my deck was good, but that as after F edited it, so idk if it counts?

Silly says she’s glad I actually enjoy magic and I’m not just humoring her. I do very much enjoy it! I don’t think I want to get to the level she is at (due to cost, if nothing else), it at the very least will be added to my long list of “things I have or had an interest in, that I have a dabbling or casual knowledge of that is beyond the average person by a degree ranging from slight to significant, but still pales in comparison to the knowledge of an actual practitioner”.  … this list is much much longer than the list of things I actually know things about. ;;

Spent like 30 minutes after the draft talking with silly and two regulars. I was annoying and unkind, and felt very unhappy with myself following. I also had to actually leave the store after it closed, since that’s like. The Rules. Silence and isolation (waiting in the car) are not conducive to recovery from self hatred, so that festered a little bit. I was fine eventually, though. Uh… yeah! Had to make a mark in my calendar.

Tried to stay up and play fable, but ended up falling asleep like 10 minutes after silly (I am a fucking scourge and I fail regularly to sleep at the same time as her. I am a Night Bitch)

Oh, also I was unmedicated for the entirety of the draft night, so that’de, like… that’s why I was so fucking annoying all day. That just kinda happens when I’m off it long enough, I guess.

I don’t remember more from that night, so let’s move on.

Got up w silly the next day, ate cereal, went up to the store. Woo!

Sat down with silly’s ex, some other dude. Started reading the book gf gave me about Learning Magic Good And Shit, it was actually real neat and cool! Apparently that’s what he wanted for Christmas, so it was. Slightly awkward!

I read that for a while, then joined in on a magic game. Players: one of the regulars talked to last night before closing, some girl I’d never seen called E (who was very sweet, I now love her), and some dude I don’t remember at all.

We had two games, I only remember that in the second one I ran Estrid The Masked as commander, and that was a. Long Fucking Game. Partially because I had like 11 enchantments on the board at one point, and kept using Estrid and Oath Of Terezi (planeswalkers do TWO things on a turn). Uh…

Highlights:

I had “every time someone casts a spell, make them pay an extra mana or else you can draw another card”, which I then doubled with Estrid’s invocation (at least until I had too many cards to know what to do with, so I put some enchantments in the graveyard before I ulted with estrid) I ulted Estrid like 2-3 times, lmao At one point between ults, I had “all enchantments are creatures” on the field, and then E played “destroy all creatures that aren’t pirates”, so I. lost. Uh. All my motherfucking creatures, except Estrid (not a creature), and a God (had a mask). And ALL my fucking enchantments. WARB- anyway next turn I ulted estrid again and got them all back. Lmfao. at the end of the game it cost about 14 mana / creature to attack me, it was AMAZING, the guy who made fucktons of tokens couldn’t TOUCH me so anyway. I used sacred mesa, plus like 48 mana (untapping all my enchanted lands is GREAT) to create 24 pegasi, which then became 24 4/4 flying angels (Divine Visitation), which was GREAT holy DAMN

I lost in the end, got milled by regular dude for like. 55 cards in one turn.

I coulda prevented this by exiling the creatures he used to mill me, but I just… didn’t. Ever. :C because I’m a foollllllll I also could’ve prevented this by swinging angels at him at the same time I killed the other player (E left before then, I guess she had work or something), but I just. Didn’t do that, because I was scared something would happen to them? It was an eminently foolish thing to not do, especially since I could make So Fucking Many angels. Always. Jesus I could make so many angels.

Meanwhile, silly was moving a shitton of boxes for the Big Fuckhuge Sale the next day. I felt bad that I couldn’t help, but I couldn’t bc if I got injured I could sue. Fair, I guess, but doesn’t make it easier to just sit on the sidelines. At least I brought ibuprofen from home.

Said quick goodbye to regulars who were chill, and who I played my first couple of games with.

Silly got told to just. Go home when her shift ended yesterday, which was upsetting bc she’d been looking forward to playing magic like. The whole day. Not quite the same, but we did play a few games when we got home. So that was nice C:

I ate dip for dinner, silly ate chicken buffalo. She is so. SO bad at eating all the meat on the bones. She says it’s cuz gristle is gross, but like .it’s. it’s MEAT. Eat the meat. So I ate all the gristle off the end of her wings while she said I was disgusting.

We finished halo 3 last night. I felt like. Stupid and bad because I was bein a failure at it, but god that was like. Soooo stupid. Lmfao. I shouldn’t have done that!

I finally managed to log in to my Microsoft account. Apparently my fucking username was staffgripper36, and I have no goddamned clue why that is my username for that.

But I made an avatar and she’s like. Cool af and she has a sundress so I guess I can’t really complain too much, can I?

We also started ODST! It is Neat, and I really like it thus far. I can’t remember ever seeing that intro cutscene in my life, but I guess that’s cuz I was an impatient 12 year old at the time, lmfao.

Then I played fable 2 til 7 am while silly slept. I. Don’t know why I fucking did that. I did get married, though. To marion the bookshop owner. We live in the corner house of the bowerstone market, just like the one playthrough of fable wherein I remember the name of my wife to this day (Hannah the Traveller) That house is my Home, you got me?

Finally onto today! 2520 words in. If words were feet, this journal entry would be a half-mile.

Alright… it has now been more than a full week since I started this journal entry. I’m back in Texas, and I… feel bad for that. I fear how much has been lost.

So! Next morning, I get up with silly and we go to The Work Place. The Big Fucking Sale is going on. I still wished I could help more, but unfortunately that is… not a possibility…

Wandered around the store for a while. Picked up: 4000 AD, a very old-looking game that seems neat. Mostly bought it cuz it looked old and aged as shit founders of gloomhaven, a game I got cuz it reminded me of marielda Anime Chess, that’s not the real name but silly said she’d been thinking about buying it for like. A While, so I bought it because I hate her an AD&D character sheets book, that still had some old character sheets in it (fuckin score) some VERY old vampire the masquerade stuff, including what I’m guessing is probably the first book that offered playing a hunter rather than a vampire? Also the sourcebook as of like 1992. More is the same than is different, though I guess that’s also cuz I barely know modern world of darkness

Sat around and read the hunter book for like. Basically a couple hours or something? Idk. Talked a little bit with some of the regulars, T and her boyfriend.

Eventually, left and went to the ice cream store across the street, ate Goat Cheese Ice Cream Oh Boy, and started writing this journal.

I wrote school’s motto on the chalkboard there, and later heard someone say “I… don’t know what that means. Should I know what that means?

Was surprised by the entrance of Silly. Goodness me I love her so much.

We then went home and like. Chilled.

She made alfredo/lentil pasta (so she doesn’t die from carbs) and fish. I, meanwhile, attempted to make raspberry cheesecake.

I got kinda stressed by the cheesecake process, cuz I was trying to multitask but still didn’t feel like I was going fast enough. I started doing that dumb anxiety over-done stuff thing that I do sometimes.

I then proceeded to open a very-fizzed dr pepper and just kinda. Break down a lil bit. I managed to keep it together until I had the cheesecake done, at least, I’m kinda proud of myself for that!

But yeah. Then I started crying or something, I don’t fully remember. I remember I accidentally made silly cry because I am an idiot, and also I was feeling bad because I felt helpless and pathetic, and typical consolation doesn’t really help with that. I’m sorry for that, darlin.

Anyway. She’s a really good fucking cook, like she’s better than my mom and dad both. Like not to be the kinda person who overpraises ther significant, but :eyes: !!! who knew that adding spices and not cooking from a box improved things??? @mom

I don’t really remember the rest of the night, nothing interesting I suppose. We probably played halo odst or something, and cuddled.

The cheesecake was… not to my taste, personally. Silly claims to kinda like it, but personally it fell into the “this isn’t really that good at all, why do I keep wantng to eat it”, probably my favorite part was the pre-baked crust.

Yeah! Stuf like that.

We got up the next morning. Busy day!!! The next 3 days, silly had em off and we were gonna make this day fuckin WORK for us

So we went to like. The nearby game store

There was a cat! And also I bought some magic card boosters. No news. Why the fuck was there a shitton of pathfinder corebooks on the Shelf O’ Unloved Games. Rude.

Had a fun conversation at a pet store

The game store near where silly worked had some things. She got halo 5, meaning she had The Complete Collection, not that it matters cuz everything after reach sucks. But anyway. She also got an application for there! So that’s really good, yay! Woo!

The nearby hobby shop was very neat, it had a shitton of gundam stuff, and like. Model trains! Wow! Apparently model rockets don’t fuckin come with the engine or anything.g that seems a little silly to me. Also they had some 3-d printing stations, but they’re apparently out for now. Idk whassup there.

Got some jingle bells at the nearby craft store, or whatever. Ran into a coworker of silly’s. she revealed that she almost named herself Katherine, and would’ve shortened it to Cat, meaning we fucking skated THIS close to me just absolutely refusing to talk to her in that alternate timeline.

Ate at dairy queen bc I had a gift card

THRIFT STORES

I made some very VERY nice discoveries. Oh HO, how delightful… some nice mugs, that I decided not to get on account of I was already transporting 3 of the things back home. But uhhh…. I got some cute skirts I think, basically just some bottoms, from the first store. Learned that my feet are not made for thrift store women’s heels. Sob.

Thrift shop two I found some very VERY nice things, including BASEBALL MOM SHIRT, and also a shirt for a basketball team for the immaculate conception high school, or some shit. I’m so excited to reveal that one. Also some things that were actually women’s tops, that might actually fit me or some shit (spoiler, they will not once I retry them on) (lol)

I uh… THINK after that we went home? And made tacos!!!!!! Holy shit silly makes such good fucking tacos oh my god. Like. I used to hate taco night at home, cuz that meant like. Dry hamburger meat with Taco Seasoning from HEB, in a hard taco shell.

But. I have discovered the truth of mixing a bit of salsa, corn, and beans into the meat, and getting it all moist, and also applying sour cream to the tacos. God they were so good holy fuck. Holy fuck. What a goddess.

We then proceeded to, I think, finish halo odst. What absolute heroines we are. I think we also watched all of otgw. I gushed about, like. The painfully o bvious metaphors and stuff that I knew about, and silly thought I was dumb I’m sure. But she did cry at the end, bc it’s very good and also because I was crying.

Stayed up later than silly did. Cried a little bit before I went to sleep because I. love her so much. Dear fuck I love her.

Ate breakfast the next morning. Returned from showering to find that silly was shooting me with a nerf gun. The fucker. We had a nerf gun fight and I’m PRETTY sure I got the better of her, because I’m very good and also extremely cool. :3 side note but she’s so amazing and I love her so much. NOT tearing up a little bit about how I am so extremely blessed to have met her. Jesus.

But uh. After that it was time to start packing, kind of. There was a not-small amount of crying. And divvying up of stuff, since I like. Did NOT have space for all of my things. Three piles: taking with me, hopefully to have mailed back to me (seriously, I need some of that stuff please. :C ), and Giving to silly because I love her and I love giving her things.

In that last group was: my first fountain pen (idk if that one or the one leye gave me was the first one I owned. But hey. Meh.) (I’m just gonna pronounce that as Ley-yey for the rest of my life. For anyone who’s not me, though, it’s like lye). She used it to write poetry on the piece of paper I used to demonstrate how to use it, and to get the ink going, and stuff. She then folded it up to look like a heart, because she’s the biggest dork on earth and also my favorite person ever to live. She did this while she was, in her words, “picking stuff out of the downstairs laundry baskets”, which is why I walked in on her doig this. The second time a ploy like this was foiled by my walking downstairs. What a loser. And yes I cried a LOT on reading that poetry, because, just… jesus. How could I not. my tentacle skirt. Please take care of it, it’s important! Hopefully I have found suitable replacements for it… probably some other stuff? I don’t fully remember… sorry….

She gave me the shirt for the now-defunct electric company owned by the Shithead dad of her childhood friend. Holy FUCK the perfect gift for me. Wow. I love artifacts!!! (we are both magpies lmao)

Never did find that pair of compression shorts she gave me last time I was down. I hope those turn up sometime, they were super handy.

Uh… so yeah. We packed up. Got most of my stuff sorted out, and figured out an outfit for the next day. I think here was where we watched otgw, actually. But yeah! Uh…

I don’t really remember much more, except hugging each other and crying. And remembering that soon I would be apart from her and feeling a deep, yawning sense of loss. And a longing to graduate so I can join her up north.

I tried to go to sleep with her, but I failed. I ended up closing my eyes for a little while, then stealing the 8.5x11 boarding pass I printed and gave to her (we each got one of the boarding passes, and one of the like. Ticket printed things? Of when I went up there. Even), and wrote her a letter on it with my/her fountain pen. I don’t remember much of what it said, beyond that I loved her in a way I never thought possible.

Went to the airport. Cried a little bit on the way there. Focused more on keeping intact for both of our sakes, since we were going on the Frightening route to the airport. I started to break down as I started getting close, thugh. Cried into her arms a little more as I got out of the car and left her behind for another few months. God,  Ihate it so much.

Writing these journals this far after the fact is bad both because I don’t remember as much, and also because I start missing her all over again. :C:C:C:C:C

But uh… yeah,  Ithink that’s it. Became emotionally dead as I went through the airport. Had to rush to make my first flight. Cuz… wanted to spend as much time as possible with my beautiful girlfriend before we had to go to the accursed birds’ nest. The TSA saw me as a girl. That was cool, but then they patted me down real fuckin thoroughly. Ate a biscuit after getting through. Basically slept through the rest of the thing.

Only started crying again once I got home.

Alright. We’re done here I think. I know I forgot a lot and that *hurts* me, but it’ll be alright. Honk.

These journals will likely get less detailed as time goes on. But as their number is yet small I think it’s okay.

#blog #ohio trip 2