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ivanzplaid · 2 years

Note

Can you write some head canons for the grabber, thomas hewitt, mark hoffman and lawrence gordon with a gn!reader who is sick?

of course!! this is adorable & i love the choice of people you chose, makes me so happy🫶🫶 lawrence gordon obsession is fueled, love that man so much

may be surprising but i havent seen ttcsm because i cant keep my attention watching it, so thomas isnt in this one, but there is a bonus slsher at the end to make up for jt💔💔

Slashers x Sick Gn Reader!

requests r open! masterlist is up :)

Warnings: Pushing Boundaries ( Grabber ), Most Loving Slasher Bfs🧎‍♂️

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The Grabber

have mercy on you bro omfg

he is overbearing, spending most, if not all of his free time putting his care towards you

he cannot cook to save his life, so expect a lot of store bought soups/foods that you can keep down

he is touchy even when youre sick, maybe taking advantage of it to push your boundaries, using your sickness as an excuse

hes a weirdo, of course hed do that, but in his defense, you need him to support you

he will comfort you, read to you, have a nice conversation, this is his heaven

he thinks you should got sick more often if this is how it is

given on how long youve been there, he will take you upstairs ( max is not housed in al's home )

he will pull blankets over you, sit you infront of the tv and put on a scary movie while he makes popcorn

does not care if you like them or not, he wants to see you scared so youll curl up into him

rubs/holds your hair alot, a soother for him

overall 5.5/10 for this, maybe 6/10

"Why are you holding me so tightly? Aren't you afraid you'll get sick?"

"As long as I'm sick with you, dove."

Lawrence Gordon

hes a literal doctor

you are in the greatest of hands of everybody here

he knows what hes doing, but since its you he is going to be a little extra cautious

he will welcome physical affection more, more than he already does, holding you gently, putting your head on his shoulder while you doze off

he is a great cook, he wants you to ask him to make you something because he loves to treat you with a nice homecooked meal

might take a day or two off if work to spend time with you

he will scold you for doing things he finds unhealthy, 'too much screen time, not sleeping enough, etc.'

but he means it with love, he just cares about you

will happily have you tucked in to you guys's bed and see you fall asleep there

if hes out with jigsaw work, he will leave medication out with notes on them, specifying how much and how often to take it

buys you a weighted blanket because he feels bad

will ramble if you dont feel like talking, but is also happy to sit in comfortable silence with you

overall 11/10, not only is he respectful, hes loving and cares about you and your boundaries

"Lawrence, could you make me some soup?"

"Of course I could Darling, sit and relax."

Mark Hoffman

he is just,, he does his best, what he knows

he doesnt know a lot but thats fine because his care and empathy makes up for it

he does have a decent idea of what he should do to care, but its average, not as intense as Lawrence

he will get you blankets and generic store bought soup, maybe something he remembered his mom gave him in his childhood, saltines/ginger ale

he will be up and close to you, but expect him to also take note that you are sick, so he will mind his space/touch around you

is not afraid of being sick, just hates to be it once he is, very annoyed

he will offer you a jacket of his, just because he knows it will help you to be comforted, mainly while hes out with work

is a talker. talks to fill the silence, doesnt even realize hes doing it

likes to be in the same room as you, maybe at a distance maybe not

will get you a heating pad if you want

talks about his day & like lawrence, is more than happy to listen to you

if he doesnt wake up from nightmares, id assume he sleeps like a rock, takes a loud noise or touch to get him up, so sleeping together with you in his arms is still good

overall 8.5/10, hes pretty good💪💪

"I was out when I saw this, thought you'd like it."

"It's nothing short of perfect!"

Billy & Stu

god damn, youre in concerning hands

they do care, but their ways of showing it are not helpful

i can imagine stu being the one to handle medicine, hes more careful, billy would throw the bottle at you and tell you to figure it out, or sit down infront of you while mumbling the bottles instructions annoyed

they work together when you ask for food, dont expect it to be good, theyre still in highschool

billy laughs if youre repulsed when you taste it, stu's ego takes a blow on the other hand

they do not care if they get sick, in fact they probably want to so they get time off of school to be with you

if one is out doing ghostface work, the other stays at your place, making due time there

clowns. both of them. they are your entertainment, watching them tired you out & it will have you falling asleep on their shoulder

they will do their homework at your house, claiming 'group homework' makes them smarter

they just want excuses to spend time with you

talking endlessly, no quiet moments unless you scold them, they will never shut up, they bounce conversations off of each-other & get in arguments even faster

overall 7/10, they are a pair & take too much pride in how 'well' they took care of you

"Please, please shut up for a minute, I have a headache."

"What's the matter babe, you don't love our nursing care?"

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i love hcs sm. literally till the end of the earth. but i hope this is good :)

requests r open, masterlist is up!

437 notes · View notes

3rensgf · 3 years

Text

rent a gf - two eren yeager x reader

word count: 2.9k

warnings: mentions of sex, talks about "getting bitches", eren is an idiot, fuckboy!eren implied, tatbilb mention, uhh fluff idk theres not much to warn abt in here, not beta read

notes: chapter two is out! i'm really glad a lot of people are enjoying rent a gf. it really means a lot! i see some people commented on the previous chapter, and i would love to reply to them, but i'm not familiar with tumblrs commenting system D: if you wanna leave a comment for me to just read, that's fine you can still keep commenting here on tumblr. but if you would like me to reply to it, you can comment on ao3, and i will reply! happy reading :) p.s, waffles w whipped cream r so much better

[ read on ao3 ]

previous ✩ series masterlist ✩ next

In the early hours of Saturday morning, you felt a hand shaking your shoulder to wake you. Groaning and mumbling, you sleepily swatted the hand away and pulled the covers over your head. No one should be forced to wake up early on the weekends. It was Saturday, for fucks sake. Not to mention your hangover due to last nights mistakes was making your head throb.

The hand rested on your shoulder once more, shaking you gently. “(Y/N),” Mikasa said softly. “Your alarm has been going off for the past 10 minutes. Wake up. I have water and Advil.”

“Nooooo,” you moaned, snuggling deeper into your bed. “Don’ wanna.”

Mikasa stopped bothering you for a moment, and you let your guard down. Finally you could sleep. When it was time to wake up, you’d wake up.

Right as you were about to pass out again, your blanket was roughly tugged off of you. “Mikasaaa!” you whined, covering your face with your hands. “What was that for? I was trying to sleep.”

“Get up. You have to shower and get ready for lunch with Eren today. Breakfast is almost finished,” she explained, setting down the pills and water on your bedside table. “Go brush your teeth and wash your face so you can eat. Now,” she instructed sternly, moving to your window to open the curtains. The bright sunlight hit your still half-asleep face, making you hiss quietly.

She left the room moments after, probably to check up on breakfast. Honestly, you didn’t know how she could function this early in the morning despite having partied all night last night. Curse her and her inability to get hungover.

Grumbling to yourself, you adjusted your sleep clothes that had gotten disheveled overnight to make sure you looked decent. Your sleepy gaze wandered over to your nightstand to see two Advils on a napkin beside a glass of cold water. Thanking every higher power for sending Mikasa to you, you downed both pills and the glass of water. Even though you might bitch and moan to her constantly, you really weren’t lying when you said you’d die without Mikasa.

After sitting down at the edge of your bed for a few moments, you eventually shuffled into the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your morning routine. It took longer than usual thanks to your sluggish and tired movements, but you got done nevertheless.

A wonderful aroma came from the kitchen when you left, stomach grumbling in anticipation for the wonderful food you were about to scarf down. Mikasa was in the process of setting down both your breakfasts on the island, sitting down on the stools when you walked in. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” she greeted, resting her chin on her hands.

“Morning, sweet angel,” you replied, sitting at the stool beside her. In front of you was a plate of Funfetti pancakes with whipped cream instead of maple syrup (syrup was for pancakes only). There were a couple of cut up fruits beside them, too. “Where did you get these?” you asked, picking up your fork to take a bite of your breakfast.

Mikasa dug into her own breakfast of oatmeal as soon as you started eating. “Went grocery shopping and saw the mix in the baking aisle. I thought you’d like it,” she explained, taking a bite of her food. “Good?”

Your response was a moan, tilting your head back as you chewed. “Insanely,” you said, cutting up another bite. You stabbed the piece with your fork and guided it to Mikasa, keeping your hand under it to catch anything if it dropped.

She finished her bite and leaned in to take the bite, humming in satisfaction at the taste. “Good,” she nodded.

“They put like crack ‘n this shit,” you said through a full mouth, shoveling forkful after forkful into your mouth.

You could feel Mikasa's judging gaze for eating like a pig, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was eating these crack laced waffles as greedily as possible. “What time are you supposed to meet Eren today?” she asked to make conversation.

You remember drunkenly slurring to her that Eren was supposed to take you out for lunch today while she was trying to put you to bed. All she did was nod and dodge your flailing limbs while she tried to change you into your night clothes.

“Uhhh,” you trailed off, “I dunno actually. I think he’s gonna text me when.” The familiar notification from your phone indicated you had a text from Eren. “Right now.”

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:04 AM picking u up at 12 dont be late

you - 9:04 AM k

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:05 AM dont use k with me that makes me sad :(

you - 9:05 AM k

“He says 12,” you told Mikasa, setting your phone back down on the table. You went to go take another bite of your waffles, only to be met with stray bits of whipped cream and waffle crumbs. How disappointing.

“You have time to get ready then,” she said, finishing up the last bit of her own breakfast. Holding her plate, she got up to go put it in the sink, taking your plate for you as well. Literally an angel.

Suddenly, she leaned in to sniff you like the weird English professor you had your freshman year and cringed. “You’re gonna need all the time you can get. You stink.”

Never mind, not an angel.

Grumbling and cursing under your breath, you got off the stool to go take a shower. “And here I was about to offer to get you something for lunch while I was out.”

“A burger from the joint I like would be nice. So would a Coke and side of onion rings.”

“Size?”

“Medium for both.”

You would’ve caved in and bought her something, anyways. Might as well know what she wanted in the first place.

Showering took longer than expected. Most of your time got wasted by you standing under the shower stream and soaking in all the warmth. It wasn’t until Mikasa knocked on the door asking you not to use up all the hot water that made you actually start going through your routine.

The clock read 10:09 when you got out. You still had more time to kill until Eren came, so you elected to sit on your bed in your towel to scroll through social media. At 10:45, you started to get ready for real now.

Your makeup was just enough to cover any imperfections on your face, and your outfit cute enough for a lunch outing with your friend-fuckbuddy.

At 11:50, you stepped out into the living room with your belongings in hand to lounge around while you waited for Eren. You would’ve gone to bug Mikasa, but she had just stepped into the shower minutes prior.

12 on the dot, a rhythmic knocking was rapped on your door, meaning Eren was finally here. Skipping over to the door, you opened it to reveal him while slipping on your shoes.

“Hey,” he grinned when the door opened. He leaned in to give you a kiss on the lips after you’d straightened up from putting on your shoes.

A grin found its way on your lips during the kiss. It only lasted a couple of seconds, ending with you pulling away with a quiet smack. “Hi,” you greeted back.

“Ready to go?” he asked, one hand leaving his jacket pocket to jut his thumb down the hallway towards the elevators.

“Yup, ready,” you said. Over your shoulder, you yelled into the apartment to say goodbye to Mikasa and locking the door once you closed. “Okay, ready for real now.”

There was a new hot pot restaurant near campus, Eren told you, that he so desperately wanted to try. He overheard some people talking about the place in his Stats class, and he’s been wanting to go ever since.

“So, about what I told you last night,” he said, leaning on the table close to you after giving your orders to the waitress. “You said you would help me get Mina.”

“I said it was a bad idea,” you countered, taking a sip of your drink.

“But you said you would help me. For a price.”

“That I… did say,” you sighed. “What’s your plan?”

Smiling, he opened up his jacket and dug into the inner pockets, getting out a small notepad and a pen. Your eyebrows raised at the sight of them. “Okay,” he started, flipping through his notepad. “So I was thinking about it this morning, and this is what I have down so far.”

Sliding it towards you, he waited impatiently for you to read what he had.

Your lips pursed to prevent giggled from leaving your lips. Well, it was a plan, alright. Written in Eren’s chicken scratch of handwriting were a few very simple steps.

eren yaegers fool proof plan to get bitches get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. talk to mina to get her interested in you ✓ 2. get hot girl ((Y/N)) to pretend to be your gf and show you can be a good bf 3. get mina jealous so she wants you even more and not poopy thomas wanker 4. “break up” with (Y/N) and pretend to be sad 5. get mina to comfort you 6. get bitches make mina your gf 7. pay (Y/N) for her services 8. ta-da!

When you looked up from the notepad, you saw Eren waiting for your answer. “Well? What do you think? Is it any good?” he asked.

“Were you high when you wrote this?” was the first thing you asked him. Eren shook his head innocently. “You’re 100% serious?” He nodded.

You bit your lip, deep in thought about Eren’s supposedly fool proof plan. “What makes you think it’s gonna work?”

“I know girls and how they act. If Paradis University let me major in women -- don’t get smart with me I don’t mean Women Studies -- I would be passing all my classes with flying colors. I know it’ll work, trust me,” he said cockily, leaning back in his chair.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do. I know you. I know everything about you, (Y/N). I even know how to make you scream my name in--”

“Okay!” you cut him off, not wanting the strangers around you to know the intimate details of your sex life with Eren. “Okay.”

“I knew you were gonna do that. See, I do know women.”

A moment or two passed, both of you staring at each other. You with a deadpan expression, and him with a proud one. You were the first one to break the silence with a heavy sigh. “Okay, say I agree to this. What do I get in return?”

“Anything you want,” he said. “Within reason, of course. Please don’t ask me to like, hide a body or something.”

Ignoring his last comment, you continued speaking, “You’re not allowed to back out of whatever I ask you to, right? If this plan fails or succeeds, you still owe me whatever you promised.”

Eren nodded. “Of course. I swear on it.” He shifted a little so his elbow was on the table, holding out a pinky. Instinctively, you held out your pinky as well and intertwined the both of them. Pinky promises were something you and Eren had been doing for years now. It meant that the other was dead serious on their promise.

The waitress came back with your broth and dipping ingredients, setting them on the table for you right when your pinkes left each other. Thanking the waitress, the two of you talked some more while you waited for the broth to heat up.

“We should make it official. With a contract and set of rules,” he said. “Like that one movie you forced me to watch with you. The Boys I Loved or some shit like that.”

“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” you corrected.

“Yeah, that. They’re kinda doing something like us, yeah?”

“Guess so,” you shrugged, picking up your chopsticks and a sice of pork belly when the broth started to boil. “After we eat though.”

Idle chatter was shared between the two of you as you ate. Even though you saw each other nearly every day, you never ran out of things to talk to. You could be talking about complete nonsense or how quantum physics made no sense, and you would still have the best time of your life.

By now, the broth had been drunk up and the table had been cleared out to be replaced with banana milk and ice cream. Eren brought out his notepad again to write down the set of rules for your fake relationship while enjoying your desserts.

Good progress had been written so far on the notepad. Both of you had given input and criticism on each rule made. In the end, you finally had a good set of rules written down.

(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP

payment for (Y/N):

Eren tapped a beat on the notepad, reading “payment” over and over again. Eventually he looked up at you, deep in thought. “Have you thought of anything so far?” he asked, clicking the pen to write what you wanted.

This was a tough decision. Eren was ready to give you anything to help him get Mina. You had to be wise and pick something big to take advantage of him. Something you were sure you wouldn’t ever regret getting.

“How about,” you started, trailing off, “you do my laundry for the rest of our time at ParadisU, buy me lunch every Wednesday even after we break up, recommend that godsend of a tutor you keep gatekeeping to help me too, and…”

“And?” Eren asked, looking up from his writing, waiting for your next words.

“All the orgasms I want during our relationship,” you finished, satisfied with what you chose.

“Is that all?” he asked, writing down the last of your words. “That’s a lot.”

“How about I let you know if I wanna add more,” you said. Eren nodded in response. His head hung to look at the notepad again, writing something down. Once he was done, he plaed the pen on the pad and slid it to you.

“Sign it so it’s official,” he instructed.

There were two lines beside each other, one already with Eren’s signature. Without hesitation, you signed your name neatly on the paper, giving the items back to Eren once you were done.

payment for (Y/N): eren has to do the (Y/N)’s laundry for the rest of university, buy her lunch ever wednesday, get tutor to help her and give her as many orgasms as she wants during the course of the relationship

signed x eren yaeger x (y/n) (l/n)

The two of you shook hands when Eren put away his things, to seal the deal again. The waitress came by again to give you the bill and collect your dirty dishes. Eren set down the cash needed to pay along with a tip in the check presenter before the two of you left.

You walked hand in hand back to Erens car before you realized you missed something. “Wait. What do we tell people when they ask how we got together?” you asked, pausing in your tracks.

Eren stopped with you, turning to look at you. “Um, you can say I confessed after lunch, and that this is technically our first date,” he suggested, tugging your hand to walk back to the car.

“Huh. Okay. That works,” you nodded.

The two of you got into the car a little bit past 2:30 in the afternoon, ready to go home. “Wait,” you said again, making Eren pause. “Mikasa wanted a burger from that one joint near our apartment. Could you take me there first?”

Eren smiled and nodded, starting the car. “Of course. Burger with medium Coke and onion rings?”

“How did you know?”

“She always gets that when we go there.”

“Huh… I guess you’re right.”

“When am I not?”

"Always."

taglist - @thestrugglesofateenagedirtbag , @lazalee , @countthemoons , @se-va-muriendo-mialma , @liaxxx109 , @prxttyguardian , @jeansbabycake

italic names, it wouldn't let me tag you!

154 notes · View notes

anne-i-write · 3 years

Text

moriarty the patriot headcannons

| requested by anon: Hiya! Could you maybe do something for the Moriarty brothers and a reader who does tarot readings? Thanks in advance! |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader

word count: 665

a/n: hhh remember when i said i would be more active,,, yeah me too. not to make excuses, but i am in my senior year and i’m really cutting it close with all these deadlines but i do have some free time in my days so i’ll try and do everything by then! so, please enjoy these headcannons! also, i don’t do much tarot readings so i hope this is okay!

william: 276 words

to be frank again, i don’t really see the men believing in tarot

william loves you though so he supports it either way

he’s gentleman enough to hold back his actual thoughts

he doesn’t have the heart to tell you though

you know he thinks its all fake

tbh you’re not even bothered, so many people have told you to “get lost” bc they didn’t believe in it either

however, you both find a middle ground after he saw you hustling some nobles at a party

it’s a perfect combination

you get money and william gets easy access into nobles’ manors

sometimes he catches you picking out cards for yourself

he likes it bc you get a cute smile on your face when you pull a card

he also stays with you when you do pick your card bc u tend go quiet for a bit

nothing serious, just meditating

he falls asleep sometimes and when you are finished meditating, he’s sleeping quietly and ur heart just,,,

man needs some rest too please he’s always thinking

does entertain you though

is it bc he’s also lowkey curious??? we’ll never know

he asked you to read his cards once and the smile you gave him when you knew he was being serious made his his heart just,, boom

dw you’ve been doing this long enough to know you won’t be biased in your readings

has thought about taking it seriously

i mean,,, your cards did give good advice and they were pretty effective

comes to you for readings when he’s really REALLY stumped on how to go about some things

all in all 10/10 bf

louis: 182 words

tries to be nice about it lmao

oh you were able to read for someone? amazing! can you help out around the house now pls i beg

doesn’t really like having something other than his brothers telling him what he is supposed to do

after all, their word is kinda law??

but after running into sherlock on the train, he’s kinda confused

why would william let him sit with them? why would they help catch the criminal? sherlock would have easily solved the case himself

isn’t william’s team enough? why lead sherlock on and possibly incriminate himself?

so he’s not too thrilled

he comes to you, extremely hesitant

because no, tarot cards are not for telling the future like what everyone thinks

but because cards are supposed to help during troubling times

you have to remind him of that

there’s no divine powers, nothing supernatural, just fate and the world giving you advice

does it in secret though

and you respect that entirely

he is definitely more comfortable around it now tho

but he won’t go to another tarot reader

only you >:/

albert: 207 words

hhh you first meet him bc he paid you to do his reading

he didn’t believe in it

but he was bored and was like “i have nothing better to do”

you also tell him that it doesn’t predict the future

so your cards give him the advice

and he used it once

it worked wonders

so he was like,, aight maybe i should see that reader again

but when he sees you again, there’s a woman harassing you and he steps into your aid

you thank him with a free reading

he wants to get to know you better after

so he takes you to a restaurant you are FAR underdressed for

he doesn’t care and so you both start chatting

fancies you INSTANTLY

he knows you can swindle people if you don’t like their energy

not by giving them false advice, but just really, really, really vague answers

introduces you to his brother and team

you’re very pleasant to be around so they accept you immediately

albert becomes very protective of you around sebastian

he’s just jealous lmao

you help the men get close to their desired target easily

and his mind opens just a lil when you read for him

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

#yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #moriarty the patriot #moriarty the patriot x reader #william james moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #louis james moriarty #louis james moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty #albert james moriarty x reader

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7soulstars · 4 years

Text

Emerging of Kalon

Request: I need some new johnny depp fics in my life where I want a reader with insecurities and johnny reassuring her that he loves her the way she is.Maybe she is a bit more chubby than his past gfs and she has to wears glasses.Abd thanx so much for accepting it.

Yooo this imagine is soo important to me. As a person who had a lot of insecurities and has suffered through depression.It is really important for me to spread a certain message to others like me. I have this belief that you aren’t born with insecurities,you are made to have them.Don’t point out things to people that would make them uncomfortable in the long term guys it becomes quite scarring for them and it also makes you a damn bully. Also it is normal to have stretch marks, tummy rolls ,acne, scars ,body hair and all that stuff, Man or Woman or any other gender you identify as.That’s what makes you human.If people can’t accept you for who you are please cut them out of your life.Ya’ll beautiful and I love ya’ll. Hope you like this !!

................

Pairing : Johnny Depp x Reader

Warnings : TW,Nosy people who like putting others down for fun, Signs of depression,Suicide attempt,Angst,Swearing, Fluff, Johnny being the absolute sweetheart he is.

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Kalon ;Latin for ideal beauty in all, physical ,spiritual and moral forms

1.Instigation.

“I still can’t believe THE Johnny Depp went for you after his past ones”,said someone snapping her out of her trance.”Pardon ?”,she asked as if to confirm whether she heard him right . “I mean look at you....His exes were all supermodels weren’t they? Not a single flaw..”,the man guffawed.”Well you have have a micropenis why did your wife choose you?”,her bestfriend snapped crudely making her cringe.”Let’s go Y/N “, Y/BF/N said dragging she out of the restaurant .Well this wasn’t how I wanted college reunion to end up like,thanks Nathan she thought. “Are you alright Y/N ?”, Y/BF/N asked. “Of course”. No I’m not. “It doesn’t bother me at all.” It bothers me too much. “Nathan’s a dick .Don’t let it get to your head EVER”. But he’s right, his words are already in my head. “Yeah...”

2.The disquieting

“Hey glasses ! Looking ugly as always.”

“Look at her hogging like a pig, hey fatty you want more?”

“Darling why don’t you try going on a diet.”

“Don’t watch telly, you’re blind enough already”

“Jason what do you think of Y/N ?” “Damn man she was not even my type”

“Please Stop !”, Y/N woke up with a jerk, breathing in short gasps .”Johnny-”,she stops cutting herself off as she looked at the empty looked at the empty side on her bed. He isn’t in the country she remembered . Silence. She stared at the framed picture of them together on the wall. Plip. A tear fell. Plip Plip. Two more,before she couldn’t control it any more. The past wouldn’t change.She knew it would haunt her forever. But they had stopped for a while. But since Nathan ,it came back harder than ever. She didn’t tell Johnny, she’d never tell him , the last thing she wanted to do is to become a larger burden. So she cried herself to sleep every single day.

3.Repressing

Y/BF/N frowned as she looked at Y/N’s lunch. “Since when do you eat salads ?Hell,that isn’t even salad it’s just *ugh* lettuce....”,she says looking at the leafy stuff with absolute disgust. Y/N looked at her as if she did not understand what she was saying “I love salads,you know what? I’m not that hungry.....better get back to work! See you later!”,she said leaving as she didn’t even let the other speak. Starving, Hurting, Looking into the mirror and hating herself. The cycle continued.This was going to be dangerous in the days to come and she knew that too.

4.Avoiding

6 missed calls from Mom

19 missed calls and 87 messages from Y/BF/N

40 missed calls and 150 messages from Johnny

3 notifications from Twitter.

No one had seen her in 4 days .The telly changed channels at Johnny’s apartment .Things scattered around as a trembling hand set down the remote . Fat tears dampened the pillow as her eyes read the news headline. ‘Johnny Depp at a dinner date with ex wife Vanessa ? Is he finally done with his simple girlfriend ?’

5. Falling

This was it.She ended up the way she predicted she’d end up 10 years ago. Weak,Tired,Empty and Lonely. She stared at the bathtub as it filled itself until it was overfilled,water spilling out of its sides as it splashed onto her feet. She didn’t flinch at the coldness.She stayed robotically still, looking down at her palm. A blade. Without hesitating she got into the tub,the tap still running. She didn’t think anymore,tears wouldn’t fall even if they wanted to. She closed her eyes as she let her self go ,ignoring the frantic ringing of her phone and the banging on the apartment door.

6. Alerting

To say Johnny was concerned was an underestimation.Y/N wasn’t picking up his phone since several days .He was distracted, couldn’t concentrate and worry filled his entire existence.He didn’t know what to do,even going as far as asking his ex wife for advice.He decided to go back ,back to his girlfriend’s loving arms.

The moment he stepped back into the city he took his time.Picking out her favourie flowers ,the chocolate she always loved and a little something of importance. He ignored the notifications is phone was chiming with, his mind only full of thoughts of her....The thoughts were short lived , disturbed much to Johnny’s dismay by Y/BF/N’s call. He ignored once,ignored twice but after that he knew something was wrong.”Johnny !”, panicked voice spoke through the phone. A frown replacing the man’s smile “Did Y/N text you that absurd note too?” “No,wait Y/BF/N let me check”,he put the call on hold as his eyes skimmed over the words displayed on his screen. His phone now dropped on the car floor he wished all of it was a dream.They stopped as he stormed out, back to his apartment. He knocked wildly on the door but not a voice came nor a cackle. He threw his body on the door several times ,”Goddamitt Y/N OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR DON’T PLAY WITH ME RIGHT NOW !”.In his panicked feat he had forgotten he had the keys until they dropped out of his jacket pocket.He didn’t wait a moment as he fumbled it into the key hole ,kicking the door open as soon as it opened.

Silence.

Splosh . The sound of water hitting the ground from the bathroom echoed in the whole house.

“Y/N ?”, Johnny softly whispered as he pushed open the bathroom door. A horrific scene unfolded before him.

7.Mourning

It had been two days and Johnny wouldn’t budge.He saw red that day and the site still wouldn’t leave his thoughts alone.He would neither eat,nor sleep as he sat beside his beloved girlfriend who lay on a hospital bed. Dark Enough by Amanda played on the radio. The text message, and the talk with Y/BF/N replayed in his head as if war replayed in a retired soldiers dreams. “I didn’t know you were hurting that bad”,he whispered, tears threatening to fall again. He place his head on her stomach as he let the silent tears fall,until her hand fell on top of his head.

8.Resuscitation

Johnny jerked up ,his eyes as wide as saucers, as he froze with eyes full of pain and hurt.Y/N did not dare meet his gaze.She felt ashamed and disgusted. But those feelings were immediately replaced with shock as Johnny almost lunged at her,hugging her tight. “I was so scared I was so fucking scared when I saw that text and then you drowning in the red water filled in the bathtub ! I thought you’d left me ! I thought you died you weren’t breathing...How dare you think of yourself that way how dare you think you were not good enough !? You were the best fucking thing that happened to me since my kids goddammit !”. Y/N had never seen Johnny this mad.Hell, she had never even seen him cry. She didn’t know how to answer him, she was too ashamed.He wouldn’t break the hug, as if he would loose her if he did. He loved her too much. “Why ?”,he asked again,as if he was begging for an answer. Even a word. He just wanted to hear her voice. “I was scared...”,her voice cracked coming out much broken than she predicted. “ I didn’t think I deserved you, I thought I’d never reach the levels of those beautiful actresses and models.I was scared to tell you about my past..I was scared to bother you...”. Johnny’s heart broke. He never thought his Y/N would think that way. She was always smiling .Not even a little frown on her face. Always there for everyone. Yet no one comforted her. How could he never see it? Of course he couldn’t see it she was perfect to him.His Y/N was the most perfect person in the world. “I love you”, he blurted. He never said that.He was too shy. But he hugged her tighter ,” I love you so much. Even with scars,insecurities or that ugly face you make when you see things you do not like. You were, have and always will be the most perfect to me. Please....don’t do that again...”

9.Emergence

Y/N was discharged from the hospital in a few days. Johnny wouln’t leave her side. All his attention would be on her to see if ate well, and loved herself. Y/N felt safe. And she wasn’t wrong . Johnny was everything she deserved.

They sat on the rooftop of a cafe in Paris. A calm silence passing over them. “Y/N ?” ,Johnny asked. “Hmm?”,she hummed along, silence entailing after. ”Marry me ?”,he asked. That was the day Y/N was the most happiest, and did the beautifully emerged Kalon say yes? you’d ask. She said it without a second to spare. After all our Kalon had found her wings.

“No one is born ugly, we’re just born in a judgemental society”~ Kim Namjoon(BTS)

----The End----

Whew ! After all the procrastination and time I took brainstorming this baby is done! This was requested by the wonderful @anycsirp I really really hope you liked this ! Also I meant what I said before the start of this oneshot . YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. PERIODT. Please do like and comment your opinions! I really hope to read em ! I’m not that great of a writer but I did my best !

~Love, Hri

#johnny depp fan fiction #johnny depp imagine #johnny depp x reader #johnny depp x y/n #johnny depp x you #fanfiction #request #ask hri #send asks #imagines #self love #insecurity #love yourself #kim namjoon #kalon

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gg-astrology · 4 years

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Can you tell us 10 things about you? and about ur friends irl? How u met them/ how long u know them/ what u like to do with them? This is gonna sound nosy but how's ur love life hdjsks LISTEN YOU'RE LIKE MY DREAM BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ACT LIKE WE'RE TOTES HOMIES OKAY IM A VIRGO SUN PISCES MOON smh a girl is cURIOUS AND (platonically) IN LOVE WITH YOU 😖❤❤❤❤

Hey there!! ��💓❤️ Oh wow!!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️ Don’t worry this is fine!! I’m actually -- like, really happy and giddily flustered you’d want to get to know me!? 💕💓❤️ I’m really flattered and really grateful/touched aaaaaaa only virgo/pisces deserve rights, my current wife is also a virgo/pisces this is obviously some kind of synastry destiny (jk *wink wonk?*)!! 💕💓❤️thank you for caring about me!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️

Yeah sure!! 💕💓❤️I can tell you more things about me!! 💕💓❤️

Disclaimer? I think it’s good for the audience to know where I’m coming from and who I am? I just think transparency/knowing who you’re talking to is important because knowing who I am, can also help you and me see where my flaws are and where I may be coming from! 💕💓❤️ Or what I provide, but where I might miss my mark somewhere, y know? 💕💓❤️ Not to say you have to judge me, I just don’t see the point in not just being who I am and saying yeah I can see where I took the L there. It’s just-- better? for future endeavors as well? So here we are?

More about me? In sections?

10 things about me?

I’ll start with this since it’s the shortest!

This may come off as totally random but I do better in colder climate than hotter ones -- even though I currently live in a tropical island

I used to live in the US!

I actually have a designated place where I go to sit, open up my laptop and answer asks from tumblr. I sit outside my little patio and stare out at my garden, and then answer qs from here!

This means I’m always subjected to the Wild Life coming at me unexpectedly sometimes, but my cat also visits me at my table! So it balances out!

My favourite drink is milk but I like plant-based ones, or rice milk? Or the lactose free ones! They’re delicious!

Cherries are my favourite snacks but I usually get them once every 3 months -- so the result is I don’t tend to snack often. This is by design of me trying to Not Snack + using my pickiness to weaponize against myself and my eating habits.

To unwind I watch cat/animal videos on youtube before I go to sleep - it’s not very effective because I have to keep my eyes open to see, plus I always end up making cooing noises at the screen -- so I’m not sure when if it’s actually making me sleepy or not. But it’s working so far so I’m continuing to do it.

I have very specific knowledge of certain things in very acute details + link/resources of further studies on the topic, but otherwise I have 0.5 braincells most of the time, just a lot of Forbidden Knowledge.

I have a folder of cursed memes and that’s all you need to know about my sense of humour I think?

Love life?

I am currently single! 💕💓❤️ Gf application is always open! 💕💓❤️ However, I’d like everyone of you to know I’m a 95 liner and I will not accept applications from those born after 98′ 💕💓❤️

Although I’m bi + had ex-bf before... I am (as of right now) on the fence about men personally in my personal life (disclaimer) because I’ve got a week of quarantine, thus I haven’t been doing the do and can think clearly for once. I am contemplating. Men. And the necessity in life. Y know?

Although my love life is free!! I am not excused from the occasional panic of having a crush (annually). I’m lucky enough to go through it just once every year, but every time it happens I am an absolutely clown + always in turmoil. It’s what happens when you’re a sag venus who can’t control your p***y brain. Luckily, my crush just have to insult me or make me explain things from my past and then I’d be too traumatize to crush on them again. It’s quite effective, and works out best for all of us! 💕💓❤️

I’ll refrain from talking about my ex because I know I have a habit of recounting the good and being mushy. Even if we ended it on rocky terms. So! I’ll save everyone from that. 💕💓❤️

Friends (expanded, clarifications?)

The ones I mention on the blog are usually

taurus/taurus,

cancer/cancer,

leo/libra,

leo/cap (x2),

virgo/sag,

libra/aries (x2),

scorpio/sag,

scorpio/cap,

sag/taurus,

pisces/scorpio,

pisces/aqua,

Oof that’s alot.. This might be better to outline in a timeline format... so leo/libra, scorpio/sag, libra/aries and partially virgo/sag are whom I grew up for the majority of my childhood-teenage life! 💕💓❤️

They obviously made a very big impact on me! 💕💓❤️ They’re with me through thick/thin, leo/libra (sag rising) is the extrovert of the bunch. He’s one of my best friends, close guy friend, most of the time I too find him a little exasperating because he’s.. well its his problem so nevermind, but he’s also very endearing! 💕💓❤️ If it wasn’t for him-- well, there’s also another leo I thought was very endearing in a little brother kind of way. So leos to me have a very positive influence in my life, they’re very cute especially when they ask for your attention. I think they are like puppies/kitties when they are needy, and their blatant way of just being themselves always makes me feel refreshed + I admire them for it. In the end, I’m totally heart-eyes endeared for Leos! 💕💓❤️

Scorpio/sag is also my best friend! 💕💓❤️ She’s a taurus rising, and she’s so sweet, kind, chatty and very open/friendly to people! 💕💓❤️ Her, my cousin (who’s also a scorpio but a scorpio/pisces), and quite a few of my other best friends who are scorpios - actually made me realize they’re not like what they’re usually describe as. Maybe that’s just me? But I think they’re very sweet and comforting to be around, not to mention they’re quite supportive and willing to listen when you’re having a tough time with something!! 💕💓❤️The pillar of support and one of the few rare people I don’t mind interacting with (actually crave interacting with them) because of just how chill they are, I wish more people recognize that in a scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Libra/Aries is one of my longest childhood friend, probably from birth! 💕💓❤️ He’s a supportive big brother type figure. But he can be very silly and he doesn’t hold himself so seriously most of the time! 💕💓❤️ Whilst he’s very understanding and quite nosy with others, he tries to be subtle/sleek but he isn’t! I think he’s very endearing when he wants to be, and he deserves someone who loves him lots as well 💕💓❤️ We reunited for the first time in 6 years the other day? And I think we both ended up crying a little and holding hands because we miss each other alot! 💕💓❤️ It was very nice, I think he’s much more emotional (just suppressed) than what people realize! 💕💓❤️ He’s very caring though - like willing to talk you through your problems and make sure you’re taken care of, back on your feet, but also willing to smile scarily at people who’ve hurt you and actually take them to court/yell at them for you. I think its very sweet! 💕💓❤️

Virgo/Sag is someone I hung out with for a short period of time, but kept in contact with periodically throughout my life because we ended up going through similar majors/path in life! 💕💓❤️ She’s someone who’s very caring, wants to take care of you, when she’s endeared by you she makes sure to dote on you often! 💕💓❤️ Actually, she’s born a day after Namjoon I think? But that’s not the point, the thing is - she’s my virgo/sag and when she’s not by my virgo/sag she’s super cool and I can see that many of our friend respects her/think she’s very mature + she’s the Shit! 💕💓❤️ I really admire her too and I think she’s super cool, but more than that, I love how caring and tender she is. She’s the best 💕💓❤️

These are the people I grew up with, and then I went to college and met/lived with Scorpio/Cap + Pisces/Scorpio+Aqua.

Scorpio/Cap and I actually hit it off since the first day? We were in orientation, and we’re both talkative I guess! But in similar ways. He appreciates my bluntness/sense of humour and I like that he’s sarcastic and the only one engaging enough to be around/paying attention to what’s happening. We went to a house party together and then had 1 class together the semester. After that, me and him decided we’d live together off campus (along with our other friend who fell through, I think he’s a Leo?) - whilst we lived together we share majors in the same division, on holidays or at night after class, we’d grab dinner together + walk there, or we’d eat at home and binge watch a marathon he’d pick together. 💕💓❤️ It’s really fun! 💕💓❤️

Both of us like cooking, so he’d make dishes/drinks and I’d do that and we’d coerced each other to hang out in the living space together. Basically, we’re there to force each other to socialize/hang out with people and also encourage each other. It’s very fun! But we also had moments where we’d buy each other dinner/go to art galleries/exhibit together. There’s more serious too of course, like talking about our problems or worrying about stuff. But I think I found someone who looks out for me/I can look out for him, be confidants for each other and not be embarrassed with each other. Besides this, he also found my p0rn collection and suddenly mentioned it when we’re on campus so now I can never unfriend him because he has blackmail material on me. I’m forced to be his friends forever now.

Pisces/Cap and Pisces/Aqua are my roommates after Scorpio/Cap - actually, Pisces/cap invited me to live with them when I was finding a place, it was very fortunate! 💕💓❤️ We’re all close friends because we live in the same hall during first year, plus me and Pisces/cap (and a Gemini friend) would get drunk + go to parties together so!! This is very convenient! 💕💓❤️

Actually.. Pisces/cap, me and Gemini friend.. I went with Gemini friend to buy his apartment with him (along with his friends, I’m good friends with them too) and Pisces/cap went with him to buy furnitures lmao! 💕💓❤️ And then me and Pisces/cap moved in together, although I didn’t room with them. I roomed with Pisces/Aqua whom till this date is my favourite roommate I’ve ever lived with! 💕💓❤️

It’s a little messy with Pisces/Cap but not in a? bad way? at all? Like we’re close friends who still talk often, but they did confess once over the holidays, and I turned them down (that was when I was about to move in) - we did make out along with pisces/aqua but like.. that’s... I guess that’s normal for college y know? We did a couple projects together for their class, like a comic about me and gemini friend, poems, photography, I drew them something. And I think they did have something with Gemini friend as well but! Gemini friend moved away on the last year so it never went anywhere there.

But these are all good memories we had together and it’s not like-- bad at all, I don’t ever think badly at them for it because it was honest to them/for them, it was their emotions and tenderness from the heart? I can’t ever look down on anyone for that or judge them for being true to themselves, I actually think they’re very brave to be able to heal themselves and process things especially involving emotions like that. I also think these are all precious and honest memories, being friends with them definitely helped me grow my EQ by so much. Without them, I’d be very close-minded today! 💕💓❤️

Pisces/aqua is my roommate for a long time, and I love them to bits too! 💕💓❤️ They have two cats, both I love so so much and would sacrifice getting up for very often! 💕💓❤️ More than that, Pisces/aqua is so smart and able to pick things up immediately! It’s honestly very admirable, how they pierce things together. Whether it’s tarot or astrology, they’re the one who got me into this actually? 💕💓❤️ It was their interest before it became mine through proxy or maybe osmosis lmao, but they’re quite judgey and sometimes have a ? idk, superiority complex/elitist attitude towards stuff sometimes? So I never really talked about it much with them because it can get really frustrating sometimes 💕💓❤️ I do love them lots though, I can be ignorant of a lot of things and really slow on the uptake, but they’re very nice and kind and patient with me - honestly they’re as patient as a saint sometimes with me. And I’m really really thankful to them for it! 💕💓❤️ They’re getting married this year to a Scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/taurus and Cancer/cancer are my college best friends. Actually we hang out outside of class too! 💕💓❤️ I celebrated cancer/cancer’s birthday with them and their friends/roommates and it’s really fun. Heres why it’s -- like, momentous. It’s because my college classmates are more like colleagues or co-workers, so we don’t usually have that kind of camaraderie outside of first year. Plus, we’re all kind of working or busy with our private life outside of class - so it’s hard to reconvene that with who you know in classrooms.

They like their private life separated from the college one, which is what I prefer as well. I really adore them though, since we have a major that usually makes us get little to no sleep and have to stay at school at night-till morning most nights (for programs on the computer or printing facilities, rip) -- they’re the one who would either stay up with me, working together at the same table and we can ask each other for fresh eyes on our work. Or they’d motivate me to go home and not be stupid to stay at school. Or they’d drive me home so they know I get back safely/on time. It’s just -- I adore them so much they’re very very good! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/Taurus is also a college best friend whom I befriended later on in the years, they’re really sweet! 💕💓❤️ We have more of a friendship where we spend time outside together, walking in the city trying out a new cake store or just going back to their place to play games or talk about what else we have going on in our lives. They’re really busy!! Since they’re involved in church activities, they travel to another town an hour away every sunday - their dedication to their work, school and church (AND spending time with their fiance’s family + fiance) is amazing! 💕💓❤️ They also got me my first job at the firm they’re working in, in our last years - I made sure they’re not too tired and get their work done on time so they don’t rush their finished project. Or give better advice if the teacher is making them fume. I really like them lots too, we had alot of fun together AND they’re a foodie! 💕💓❤️

There’s another Libra/Aries whom I knew from college, while I was still living with Scorpio/Cap - I was in another town/not the same town as the Pisces back then. But Libra/Aries was close and she’d come by often! We’d travel the city together, lay on the lawn, go to parks together or exhibit. They’re very proactive and we spend a lot of time talking about work and projects, personal interests, when we watch movies together - we’d spend time sitting in cafes after watching them to talk for hours/until closing about the movie ( ‘we have alot to unpack’) -- they’re a lot of fun to talk to because they’re just as intense about stuff! 💕💓❤️ And their interest is genuine, give good hugs, a little too loud for our cats but she means well! 💕💓❤️

This is brief recount of everyone, mostly focusing on activities we did together but knowing them as people obviously made a big impression on me! 💕💓❤️

Leo/Caps are people I met since I finished college/working now, they’re my two admins on the blog actually! 💕💓❤️So internet friends, but I really click with and they’re soothing + fun to be around when I’m home/anywhere! 💕💓❤️

Sag/Taurus is also another internet friend, I’ve known her for a year now? But man, every conversation is an adventure and she’s so fun to be around! 💕💓❤️ Also very sweet and an extremely kind person, in a fire sign kind of way. Which means a lot of gawking from me and very loud laughs. But yes! 💕💓❤️ Very good people! 💕💓❤️

I do have friends from work... but well we’re not close enough for me to actually consider them good friends/talk about them personally? They’re nice! But I have yet to form a more positive opinion about them - it’s positive and negative, so I’ll see who survives and come through as a person I’d like to hang out with outside of work. 💕💓❤️

To Virgo/Pisces anon:

Here’s my best friend application do I make the cut please reply 💕💓❤️

#about me #phew this took a while to answer!#virgo/pisces anon #are we best friends now pls tell me #anon #asks

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chaoticlamphoagietaco · 3 years

Text

2020?

Well what can I say, it seems like it’s ending with a bang, but there’s still two months left.

Biden is president, and trump has yet to retaliate, I wonder what that’s going to look like.

My boyfriend and I are having sexual issues, or rather I’m seeing issues in our sexual habits.

It feels one-sided, I please him (he cums), he pleases me and I don’t cum. It’s frustrating because I’ve seen him go on hikes, talk to people for hours, if you can be active in this way, why is it difficult to just suck my dick for like 30? I understand if you lock jaw, but over the course of our relationship, sex has been me being patient and him getting off. It’s hard to maintain sexual interest, and maybe that’s why my mind goes in these fantasies. I’m almost at the point where if we have anal, I know where gonna end up jerking off... maybe I’m asking for too much, or maybe I’m just tired of being patient.... I wanna see if he will be open to swinging, or wearing a long dildo for a couple of days to resolve the issue, but I’m not sure how he will respond, or when this conversation will happen. I’m hoping that Sunday will be the day but I’m not sure.

I miss my mother, I feel her trying to reach me but I struggle to connect to her spirit. There’s so much unsaid, that it’s hard to equate the relationship to only a spiritual level. I... don’t know what I would say. Am I angry for the suppression. Of my dance enthusiasm? Am I upset because I never told her I was gay? Am I upset because she’ll never see the fruition of my dreams?

Speakings of, I don’t know my dreams,p anymore.... or rather they feel like they are transforming. I wanted to be a research analyst after falling out of love with psychotherapy and sociology, but I realized what that actually meant. Research analyst is a broad term, that can encompass a business, health centers/organizations, government, and nonprofit. And essentially these are all the sectors you. And work for other than a school which I do not want to do. Through my conversation. With NASA I found more about becoming a data analyst, and while the salary was enticing I realized that was a computer science that didn’t incorporate sociology or psychology like I had hoped. When I stumbled upon market/marketing research analyst I was hooked. I knew that finance and accounting wasn’t my passion, but marketing itself wasn’t either. Marketing has been largely traditional, and digital marketing is basically a new field. I think this is why I made the decision to transfer my major so hastily, it encompasses everything I was searching for with program evaluation, I can conduct research based on consumer intelligence which incorporatess social psychology, and have the promising effects of impact. Or in other words, my research will be used and considered valuable to the company I’m working for or working with. In program evaluation, sociology and psychology, the effect that your research has is truly perceptional and has a large ambiguity around its impact. You can go 4-10 years without achieving a goal you intended, which is expected and encouraged in some situations. On top of all this, withi program Evaluation and psychology there’s an expectation around the support you give in the exchange. Not only am I conducting research for MBH, but we (the school) are helping the business attract African America. Participants to their establishment, which can be done in so many different ways, it would take. A considerable amount of money, resources, and process and attention needs to be there if you want to achieve an impact. How can this be achieved when the business in itself is not liable for its own pretentiousness? Or it’s own self-processing that I can’t change? Thankfully, with marketing I get the best of both worlds. I can incorporate my social psychology background, while also attending to my creative side in branding, and even furthermore conducting meaningful research that is almost guaranteed to have an impact (since if I don’t, I’m not doing my job well haha) and will be used as vital data for profitability will not only motivate me to take the job, my peers, and the business seriously, but will also compensate me tremendously well, I mean it’s very lie,oh that in 2-3 years time I could be making a 6 figure salary. With this in mind, I feel Clarity around my occupational pursuits, but as for my dreams... that’s another story...

My dance past is struggle to bring up, even typing....,

I was so close, yet everything was taking from me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

With this, I keep falling in and out of love with dance, I watch a video and I feel inspired to dance again. I’m feeling more drawn to Alonzo Lines ballet, Nunes, and of course my all time favorite Batsheva. But watching hip hop videos make me cry, it reminds me of what I use to be, what I could have become, and how many friends I’ve lost along the way. Dance is brutual, forcing vulnerability and deep connection within a short period of time, I’m not sure how I to come back to it but I’m getting more inspired to. My roommate doesn’t make me feel comfortable eno to explore my creative side, but when me and bf live together, I hope I can feel more comfortable and start recording myself more often, the encouragement he brings is so ephemeral, I’m lucky to have him. But I know that at the least, if I came back to dance, I outdone be more interested in dance film, and being inside of that industry rather than concert dance, sinner the world is kind of moving into a digital world, definitely open to site specific work, given the right amount of viewers and support of course,

For my other dreams that are transforming, I know want to become marketing manager, and possibly a yoga teacher. I’ve gone back and forth with a yogic certificate, but I didn’t feel that I had enough practice, knowledge, or the right people to start with a subject like that. But fuck, I mean soooo many white people do it haha. I’m feeling more motivation for this certificate since I realized that I can make friends this way. I can find like minded people who practice, engage in processing, and are willing to go into platonic physical interactions, since I’m also realizing this is crucial for me in any platonic relationship. If this program started progressing, this could become a business that provides an income, I met awesome people, and I can a lot of ppl along the way. Downsides are of course if the business collapses, but I would gain knowledge in Hinduism which I’ve been wanting but unsure how to engage in.

What’s serendipitous though, is that the the timing of marketing could not be better, a program has a date right after my classes end, I can attend their classes, then continue my spring courses, and work a full time job and on my way to 6 figures. There’s so many resources and side that this transition feels right and meaningful, I’m feeling good about this change, I just hope I won’t want to change again 5 years from now.

Hinduism and Buddhism.... my practices and faith have been wavering, after Naropa, my experience with Buddhism is a bit tainted, maybe I need to go to retreat again and release any energy surrounding my mother, but other factors play a part. The prentiousness, the fake smiles, that school had a lot of problems, but none more so than racism pure and simple. This is why I love Virginia, racism over there is overt and blatant, I know who the racist is and I know where not to go. Here in boulder, everybody will smile at you, and you don’t know who is truly being racist, you have to really read behind the lines and analyze to understand the truth of what somebody is saying, I mean the school burned down on its own so I think my wishes are being granted... I don’t know where this leaves me with Buddhism, Charlotta was amazing, and I want to attend her classes, but something always holds me back and I don’t know what. In regards to Hinduism, my yoga sequence has pretty much been the only stabilizing thing in my life. Through all the obstacles and trauma, maintains these practices have really kept me balanced through whatever comes my way, although I have been slacking I some ways, I’ve also been progressing in chakras, balancing, and following a routine. Maybe in this way, Buddhism is something for me to contemplate, maybe Hinduism is what I want to talk about...there it is, Buddhism is my process and Hinduism is my faith. Shiva will always be my everything, in not sure why on that mountain, or even if I made a connection, but that trip to Japan truly changed me, and I want to follow a Shiva path that is right for me, I just wish I had someone to help guide me, but that might make things harder.

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buckywintersoldierbarnes2017 · 5 years

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A Hidden Pain - Part 16

Original request from @purplekitten30: Could you please write a Bucky x reader where she works as the teams assistant? She’s got a violent bf but no one knows about it until he assaults her at one of Starks parties. Bucky steps in and kicks his ass. He helps her move out of her place to live with him since he’s got his own floor at the tower.

Note: I genuinely cant believe this request is still going! I thought it may have been coming to an end but then another idea struck me so I guess I’ll continue until it either comes to a natural end or you all get bored <3

Bucky x Abused!Reader Words: 1,579

Disclaimer: GIF used is mine <3

A Hidden Pain Masterlist

Part 1| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

PREVIOUSLY

He was trying to be his usual self, attempting to make a joke out of what was actually a serious situation, but there was still a big part of him that was deeply concerned for his friend. Whether Steve admitted it out loud or not this whole thing wasn’t just about you and Bucky anymore….it was about you, him, AND Steve.

“She’s been through so much already, more than anyone deserves to, and so has Buck. They need each other. I refuse to take that away from either one of them.” He unwrapped the support bandages that had been around both of his hands and threw them into the bin nearest to him, his eyes only now looking over at Sam. “…and I sure as hell won’t allow you to either. It doesn’t matter how I feel after that time I spent with her….what matters is that she’s happy.”

“Ste-”

“I’m serious Sam. Just drop it. That year she only had me is over now. Well and truly.”

* * * * * * * * * *

The sun was barely even creeping through into the morning sky but already you were wide awake and sat at the breakfast table - not that you could even stomach a single mouthful of the cereal in front of you, instead it just sat there becoming a sorry mess. You had barely slept that night and your constant tossing and turning had started to disturb one of the rare restful nights Bucky had...this was the day you had been dreading.

They were moving Josh to a different facility out of state.

You should have been happy at the thought of him no longer being in the same building as you, that there would be hundreds of miles between you, but the bad feeling gnawing away at your stomach wasn't allowing you to have a more positive outlook. For a long time, Josh had always been one step ahead of you so what if-

"Nothing is going to happen today."

Your ever-growing paranoid thoughts were interrupted by only the second voice in your life that radiated calm and collected enough for you to feel it yourself, even if it was just temporarily. A soft smile lit up your fatigued face as you turned in your seat to face him.

"I wish I could be as confident as you are Steve, but I've just got this horrible feeling..." At the mention of it you felt your stomach tightening even more. "...I know he's going to be far away but at least when he was here, I knew where he was. Being hundreds of miles away he could escape, and I wouldn't know until, well, until he found me."

Steve's facial expression contorted into a slight frown as he took a seat in the chair next to you, his hands immediately encompassing yours as he squeezed them gently.

"He will not get away; do you hear me? Buck will be there, and hell would freeze over before he let that man escape. He won't even be able to so much as blink without him knowing about it."

You knew his words were supposed to comfort you but knowing that Bucky was going to be anywhere near him again made you feel sick to the stomach. He wanted to make sure he got to where he needed to be but that didn't make you feel any better about the situation.

"Steve..." There was a tremble in your voice as the emotional battle inside of you started to spill out. Your grip on his hands tightened as though your sanity depended on holding onto him. "...wh-when will all this be over?"

It was impossible to stop the tears now but before a single one trailed down your cheek you found your face buried in the super soldier's firm chest as he pulled you into an almost crushing hug. His own heart seemed to beat just as fast as yours, his breathing off its usual rhythm, it was breaking him seeing you in such distress, but your own emotions were too heightened to notice.

"Just let it out [y/n], I'm here, it's okay."

The words Sam had spoken to him in the gym a few weeks back played out in his mind as he felt you heaving with your sobs.

“You know, for a super soldier you are SUPER stupid.”…

…”Just tell her.”….

He shook his head almost violently to get the words out of his mind, wishing that they had never been spoken in the first place, he hated that he would never be able to have you in the way that he wanted but having the odd moment alone with you was all he needed….making sure you knew you were loved and looked after was all he needed….Sam’s idea would just have to be erased completely.

His lips pressed down onto the top of your head, a hand travelling up into your hair, as a single tear fell from his own eye.

“You’re safe with me and you always will be.”

* * * * * * * * * *

If looks could kill Josh would have been dead ten times over with the stare he was currently receiving from Bucky. They were sat at opposite sides of the van to each other with guards on both sides and despite still being within arm’s reach the little cretin still wasn’t as close as Bucky wanted him to be….he wanted to feel his neck crushing underneath his fingertips; wanted to see the life escape his eyes, the least he deserved after everything he did to you was to die solely and painfully at the hands of the men who truly loved you.

Anyone else would have been scared out of their very pants if they’d had an ex-assassin staring at them in such a way, especially one that had murdered hundreds of people over the decades, but Josh didn’t so much as flinch. There was twitch though, right in the corner of his lips, as they slowly contorted into a malicious smirk – even now, with nowhere to go except a cold dank cell for the rest of his life, he refused to show any kind of remorse for the things that he had done. If it wasn’t for the guards Bucky would have made sure he was incapable of showing that nasty little smirk of his.

“They really did a number on you didn’t they?” If he couldn’t do anything to him physically then he was at least going to try and get into his head. “They saw a pathetic piece of scum like you and used you without you even realising what they were doing.” Now it was Bucky’s turn to flash a wicked smirk. “Where are they now huh? Your new friends? Ah, yes, that’s right….they’re feeding you to the wolves because they have no more use for you.”

He leaned himself closer, clasping his hands together on top of his knees, the road grew a little bumpier and yet not even this caused his stature to falter. His eyes remained locked on Josh.

“They got you to do their dirty work and not only did you lose [y/n] but you lost your freedom too.”

It was only your name that gained any kind of reaction out of Josh, a sadness enveloping his eyes as he swallowed down hard at the lump that had formed in his throat. It was the only bit of emotion Bucky had ever seen in the man and it took him by surprise far more than he would have liked, lowering his defences ever s slightly, and it was in that very moment he witnessed just how quickly his emotions could switch as a more sinister look took over the sadness that had once been so evident.

“Oh I will never lose [y/n], trust me, I have taught her far more about this world than you and your pathetic superhero friends ever could and it won’t be long before she realises what side she needs to be on……” The van slowed to an unexpected stop causing the guards to look towards the front where the driver was. “….the side that always wins…..” His handcuffs fell to the floor with a loud thud reminiscing that of the moment an escapologist would succeed in his escape. “….the invincible villains.”

Before he, or any of the guards, could do anything to react a blinding white light incapacitated every one of them before a deafening explosion rang out around them, ripping the vehicle apart.

* * * * * * * * * *

Your emotions had finally overcome you as the sun began to make it’s way into the sky. although he hadn’t fallen asleep himself he had stayed with you, his arms never once leaving you as he kept you wrapped inside a protective cocoon. His blue eyes watched closely as your chest rose and then gently fell back down again, making sure you were having the restful sleep you needed, having to fight hard to stop his feelings from growing.

When his own eyes started to surrender to the world of sleep your body shot upright as a horrified scream erupted from you. If the residents of Stark Tower hadn’t been awake already then they certainly were now as your scream continued on without you taking so much as a breath.

Something was wrong.....something was really wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~

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tellmesomethinggg · 4 years

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****

linking this here bc it was technically a journal? i just don’t want it on my notes anymore and if i ever (likely not to) want to re-read for whatever reason. please note that i knew people would read this so things are censored and are the basic version. also there was a switch at one point from **** to chris because i didn’t want things to be read

(for later when i got time lmao)

Matt is a piece of shit that just wants to fuck -Chloe

well fuck

here goes nothing

the plan: don’t get drunk bc i got shit to do early next morning and ill tell him tomorrow when i do get drunk. spoiler alert that didn’t work

Gaby (coles gf) came too btw

so i had a smirnoff ice and said no more than two shots after so id be buzzed but not fully drunk (i ended up having three and was very much drunk)

me jon and gaby we’re talking about guys and i mentioned something about liking a guy or some shit and gaby looks at matt and then me and confirms it with me. then she tells me that apparently when she met me and a few other friends at the beach last quarter, that she predicted the two of us would end up together and told cole this. im like wtf how and she claims she’s psychic lol

later, Matt and i are on the sack and he looks at me and goes do you like me and im thinking well fuck so i say yes and he’s like well shit sorry but (and then i forgot exactly what he said) something along the lines of it’s not mutual or it’s not the right timing (i forgot okay) and then he gets up after a bit to go to the bathroom (I’m pretty sure cole went out too) and then me gaby and Jon have a chisme session and they think that he does like me but whatever

so the guys come back and at this point i really need to pee again so matt offers to take me and we start talking and he’s all, oh im sorry if i led you on and shit and im like it’s alright ill get over it, it just might be a bit awkward for me for a bit. but then on our way back from the bathroom he asks me , do you wanna at least kiss your crush at least one time and im like uhh yeah so he kisses me and then we start talking but i forgot about what and im kinda dizzy so he says, oh let’s sit on the couches for a bit before we go back, so we do and somehow we kiss again and then start making out

and at this point im like bitch there’s no way you don’t like me like why would you do that if you didn’t

so we finally go back and it’s been some time so the rest of em are obviously curious

matt goes with cole to the bathroom again and the three of us have a chisme session otra vez and they’re like yeah he fucking likes you he’s prob just scared bc of his last relationship

cole comes back in and basically backs up their side based on his convo he just had with matt

and so it’s decided that we’ll both sleep on the sack, Jon sleeps on his bed and the other two together in coles bed

he comes back and we all “go to sleep” but I push for him to hold me like he usually does whenever we sleep together and around like 2,3 am we both start making out again and just like uhhhh

also we’re both very much drunk but of course i tend to remember things whenever ive gotten drunk, however, he did not and so now we gotta talk and figure shit out and go from there

also im not telling Emilou or Hanna yet until we figure things out so

yeah

fuck

alrighty, so after last night, ive decided to do absolutely nothing about it and decided to just let things play out the way things do. i don’t wanna say something and ruin our friendship that we have bc i trust him a lot and like hanging out with him, so, i guess the end of this note for now, unless the situation changes anytime soon

Can Tim see what I write on this? -Chloe

Yes -Janet

Hi Tim!

-Chloe

Tim pls respond.

-Chloe

Hi Chloe! Sorry I have been busy at home LOL

He responded I’m so happy!

-Chloe

FYI im just going to add things at the top of the note so that its easiwr to see stuff when i add it bc then otherwise youd have to scroll a ton

and I’m dating shit so i know when I wrote stuff and my memory and yeahhh

FEB 15 1 pm

chillin in alp so lets get this chisme

alrighty so last night i stayed the night in pratts but it wasnt just me so calmate, it was me and jon bc long story short i was too lazy/dizzy to get up and jons roommate had her bf over. basically we both shared the bed, not a lot of physical contact but whateva

brb

anyways, there was also one point where he was watching a movie from his childhood and idk what tf it was but he was shocked that i havent seen those movies, so apparently now im gonna watch them so i told him for payback we gotta watch disney movies lmao

oh also! i fucking got back to my room and took a shower to get ready for class, and when hanna gets back from class shes all like oh you slept in HiS rOoM huh and i was like uhhh yeah and told her the truth like i was too lazy and dizzy to get up and then she didnt really say anything but uhhhh yikes

and then i mentioned this to emilou later when we were walking to class and shes like yeah idk why she did that that was weird and i was thinking like thank God she doesnt think the same as hanna bc shes also slept in his room on the bean bag a few times

FEB 14 2pm

heyyy its valentines day and guess whos still single and workinggg

so uhhh last night, around 1, both me and pratt finished our shit (hw and studying) and im wide awake so im like hey, brooklyn 99? (because i got him into the show and i love rewatching the show bc its sooo good) and hes down so we start watching in his room. were both on his bed but were sitting (for the tie being) and eventually i decide to lay down and use one of his pillows but its the flat pillow so i attempt to steal his other one, which he protests and we lowkey wrestle over it and eventually i fail ugh and i fall over in frustration and land my head on his knee and then just quit and stay there, but get this, he just deals with it and lays on top of me, like his head is on my side. granted we both also have pillows so like his pillow is in between me and him and same for me but like ughhh

and eventually i fall asleep for like an episode (?) and wake up right before 3 am, and then decide hey sleep sounds important bc i have an 8 am and so does he, so i sit up but im too lazy to get up right away so i sit and go through twitter and shit so chris just lays down with his head on my leg and i set my arm down on his chest and he falls asleep for a few minutes and then i finish going through my social media and every part of me doesnt wanna move, but im also in a position that would be uncomfortable to fall asleep in so i wake him up and then go back to my room

oh and the other thing i forgot was that for a good couple hours we were texting and joking around and yeahhh

i feel like im reading a lot into what happens but at the same time, like i doubt id be this comfortable doing shit with guys like this and idk about him, but like sometimes i wonder you know?

also, saturday night, as far as i know, its just me and him going to the basketball game bc idk who else is going (eye emoji insert here bc im on my computer lmao) so we'll see what happens

FEB 10 11am

okay soooo last night,

the plan was to get buzzed, just me and matt and watch Brooklyn 9-9 but then Anthony and emilou joined us so never mind. after a bit, Anthony leaves so he can answer a phone call and pratt offers me shot #1 and not emilou (she’s laying on the bean bag, I’m on his roommates bed chillin behind her so she can’t see what’s up)

we take two and im slightly buzzed but i think “hey lets see how much we can take before she notices” and he’s down so uhhh let’s get this

later we have to include Anthony and he’s down to see how much we can take and he just lets us continue, i get to 4 shots and he finishes the bottle so i can’t have a 5th

brb im gonna go eat with him

okay im back now...

anyways were both pretty out of it, emilou still hasnt noticed and anthony finds this all funny i assume and so do i , and eventually she finds out and then the two of them leave i guess around 2 am and the two of us are both on the bean bag and were both tired and drunk and drunk me like petting his hair and apparently holding his hand and well yeah i kinda hate drunk me bc if that wasnt obvious enough lmao :/

continuin, we basically end up cuddled together most of the night until we both kind of sober up hella early in the morning and kind of separate a bit

and so in the morning guess who brought it uppp and i at least have an excuse that i was drunk and not thinking and just kinda doing whatever drunk me wanted to do (but omggg his hair is so fucking nice to play with omg) anyways imma just die real quick bc idk what happens now

also since no one else was in the room literally no one else knows about this and i think were keeping it that way bc lets be honest if anyone found out about that i think id be screwed for secret keeping and then well yeah

FEB 8 1AM

i remembered:

sunday 2-3

i forgot this happened but before I ended up in chris’s room i was chillin upstairs watching tv and then he came out on the phone with some one and long story short he said something on the phone to his friend along the lines of “you’re gonna have me in your life for a long time” and when he was saying that i was looking at him bc soy chismosa and i was curious and he winked at me and I died

Monday 2-4

so the other thing that happened was I had lunch/dinner with him before my writing class and no recuerdo que decimos, but uhhhh yeah

i like hanging out with him

also, just got back from his room and am more convinced that he may not like me but actually just sees me as a friend but at the same time maybe he does but IDK

i hate feelings and it’d be so much easier if i didn’t have them sometimes lmaooo

FEB 7 5-7 PM

so im currently in the room rn so im gonna try to make this as chronological as possible

saturday 2-2

alrighty so mind you this is the day ive volunteered with ship and have spent the whole day there, (i dont remember why i thought this was relevant :/)

so saturday night, i go to work in his room around 8 (?) so i can work on my essay and finish my shit bc he has a bean bag thats hella comfy to work on

andd so later on, jocelyn comes in to watch anime with him and then after i finish we all decide to watch gabriel iglesias and ended up squishing together on the bean bag with me in the middle of the two of them

and so were all chillin there, laughing whatever and at one point chris fucking pratt puts his head on my shoulder for a little bit and i dIeDddd

and eventually i fall asleep when we start watching emperors new groove and mind you im fucking next to chris pratt like uhhhh my GOD

so i wake up once the movies over and then go to the bathroom and come back and by then he has taken over the whole bean bag and im sad that i cant just get back and go back to sleep so i go back to my room

(hanna doesnt know what time i get back i think and im pretty sure it was around4 am) (emilous also not here bc she went home for the weekend)

sunday 2-3

so i decide hey i was productive yesterday and decide to return to his room to work on shit and try to get as much done before work in theevening

i finish around 1/2? and then i tell him im bored and i wanna do something before work but idk what so he says lets go to the rec room and its just the two of us and its chillin and he puts me on his story playing pool lmao

and then i go to work :(

but then THEN later after work i go for a run and end up back in his room and theres a couple other people there and so were all chilling (mind you this is around midnight)

and somehow i end up falling asleep on the bean bag next to this girl jon from my hall and (this is a secret in a secret) but i hear her get up at one point and then chris pratt then joins me and during the night im tossing and turning and leaning on him a bit (ughhhh i died a shit ton)

monday 2-4

so in the morning around 720 or so i wake up pay dumb and am like oh whend you get here and he explains and then hes like yeah i dont really know the girl who slept in my bed (one of jons friends) and i figured since im more comfortable with you id just move here (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me upppp) [please note that when i say fuck me up i dont mean that type of fuck]

alrighty thats what i remember that i havent told you, and then the other bit from the screen record was tuesday and now its thursday and here i am in guess whos room again

possibly staying the night lmao

but jons also here so its not like im staying the night staying the night

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serena-waldorf · 5 years

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🏳️‍🌈 pride q&a snagged from @veroniquemagique

❤sexuality: Bisexual baby

🧡pronouns: she/her

💛gender: female

💚relationship status: Single AF sadly lol

💙celebrity crush: Just one? LOL. Jane Fonda, Hillary Clinton, and Nicki Minaj are like the top 3 right now lol. And I guess Drake and Mahershala Ali for men lol. Felicity Huffman used to be in this category but yeah, having mixed feelings about her currently obviously (but she did really turn me on in a horny angry way in the 2 episodes of When They See Us that I’ve watched so far 🙈 Even though the character she is portraying is despicable, lawyer + villain = hot I guess lol 🙈)

💜best friend: Well my BFF forever and ever from high school Lizz, is straight sadly lol but I have another really close friend from high school, K, who is bi as well and so is her sister and her super soon-to-be husband. But K and I and her sister and fiance don’t really talk about bi/queer issues or topics too much.

In terms of a close friendship where we talk about Bi/Queer stuff all the time, then @zestycactus is an amazing friend! She is always there if you need to talk through problems/issues but overall she is just a really nice person, a kind friend, and a fun person to chill with 😊 Gotta give her a lot of credit for helping me to be able to accept my bisexuality a lot more over the past year and a bit, just from our talks and by always being able to come along to queer events or programs with me when able to and for bringing me along to my first one ever over a year ago 😁

Side note: If you’re LGBTQ+ and struggling with your sexuality or even if you’re not and you just want to be around other queer people or make new queer friends, and you have an (LGBTQ) community centre around you with support groups or networks that hold regular meetings and events, I would highly recommend just from personal experience! And if you don’t have access to something like that because I know not everybody does and you ever want to talk, about LGBTQ issues or not and you just want to chat, my ask box and inbox is always open!

💙when did you come out: I must have figured it out for myself when I was 12/13/14, no later than 14 for sure, I was probably 12/13 ish. Then I randomly came out to a few classmates around then on an overnight school trip that year (7th grade). And then came out to a lot of (if not most) friends over the course of high school and kept coming out to friends throughout university. And I have been coming out ever since lol. As any queer person knows, it never ends. I think I only told my mom a few months ago, like almost a year ago now? It was last August/September ish, I’m gonna say? And yeah, still have a lot of coming out to do to a lot of family still but its a “cross that bridge when I get to it” situation, if I ever got into a serious enough relationship with a girl and wanted to introduce her to family but right now, its a long shot of that happening any time soon lololol.

💚first person you came out to: It was over 10 years ago so the memories of that time period are fuzzy but I’m gonna say it was random classmates I was sharing a room with on an overnight school leadership camping trip thing, one of them was a close friend but an on and off again friend (it was a super complicated friendship/situation throughout high school and middle school actually lololol) and thinking back on it, I have no idea what made me come out to them, then and there because I wasn’t really friends with the other 2 girls and one of them was a huge bitch lol. Maybe I just needed to say it out loud to somebody while I was coming to terms with it?

💛first gf/bf: My high school BF from near the end of high school and into most of our first year of university before we called it quits. Meh, it wasn’t the best relationship for a first relationship, it was sweet and nice but it shortly became more of a friendship than a romantic relationship. I won’t go into details here because I’ve been rambling enough in this questionnaire lol (feel free to message me tho for more info if you’re really that intrigued lol) but at least it taught us that we do make better friends than we did BF/GF, I don’t even know if either of us was TRULY interested in the other one or if we were just dating each other for the sake of having somebody while almost everyone else around us in our friends group at the time was coupled up and we didn’t want to feel left out *shrug* I think the latter is true for me tbh as bad as that sounds. But even though me and him have our differences in more ways than one, he is a really nice and funny guy and his mom taught him to treat girls well, even just friends lol and we do still meet up every few months for a dinner or a movie or whatever and its nice to catch up every once in a while with him. (LOL, I still wrote a book in this answer when I said I wouldn’t).

🧡ever had a crush on a straight person: Like all my crushes lol. Even with straight men I’m usually rejected or they are already taken and I had a bad experience with a crush in my last year of university so since then, I’ve just tried not to develop hardcore crushes on people besides little crushes that I know won’t go anywhere. And even though there is one straight friend I will always crush on, I know she is straight and nothing will ever happen lol so I respect that and would never tell her my feelings because it would probably ruin the friendship and I cherish the friendship aspect too much to do that.

❤fallen for a friend: I think I answered this in the last question. YES lol. It’s never ended well for me except for my first BF. I definitely don’t make moves anymore or let feelings be known. But then again, I haven’t had a serious crush on anyone since my disasterous experience in 4th year of university lol. And I talked about my crush on my straight friend in the answer to the previous question as well.

💛best LGBTQ+ friend: @zestycactus , reasons why are listed in the best friend question above. And my best friend K from high school as mentioned in the best friend answer above also, but both being LGBTQ isn’t really a factor in our friendship, its just a coincidence lol.

💚person that made you doubt your sexuality: I don’t think any one specific person ever has but those “How do you know you’re bi?” “How can you be in love with both?” kinds of questions do get tiresome. I don’t really get them aimed at me specifically by any one person luckily but just hearing and seeing those sentiments in general in everyday life or hearing stories from other people is tiresome and annoying. And not so much doubt but I have one straight friend who I love and I know she is just trying to be a supportive friend and ally but she seems really INSISTENT on me dating women, creating dating profiles on dating apps to meet women specifically, she’s always getting on my case about getting on dating apps etc and while I appreciate the support lol and I am more attracted to women than men (and I did express that I would prefer dating girls right now) but like I’m bi, I’m not ruling out men completely yet if I do decide to make dating profiles and I end up clicking with men or one specific guy. I honestly will probably end up with a girl, or I want to see what dating girls is like, but like I said, men aren’t completely out of the equation for me either because anything can happen lol. Life is unpredictable. I feel like if I date men or meet a guy somehow this friend is gonna say something about me dating women and ask why I’m not with a woman and that she thought I wanted to date women etc. So that does worry me about dating men if it ever happens but this friend is very inadvertently pushy in general (in her own weird supportive way lol) so I just gotta roll with it and appreciate the support, and if I end up dating a guy in the future who makes me happy, and she is “upset” or confused or something, I just gotta remind her that its my life, my happiness and my choices at the end of the day.

💙proud of your sexuality: Hell yeah 10/10, I’m so happy to be bi, even though I still have bad days, doubts, insecurities, worries, my questioning periods etc, but the pride outweighs those feelings for the most part most days. And like I said, going to bi support groups and queer events really helped the past year and a half.

💜comfortable with your sexuality: Getting there. A lot better than I was a year and a half ago. I’m getting more and more comfortable and proud every day. I’ve definitely been on a journey for the past year and a half of self-love, mindfulness, weight loss, and just building better habits and patterns in general. Not just in terms of my sexuality but I took a lot of risks this past year and a half and not all of them have paid off yet but even though I have the odd bad day still like we all do, I am in a much better state of mind in general than I was a year ago, 2 years ago, especially 3 years ago. And as I’ve talked about in this questionnaire, support groups for bi people really helped with becoming more comfortable with my sexuality, and helping me to embrace it more over the past year or so.

💙describe yourself: Coffee addict, foodie, pop culture lover (especially movies and TV shows lol), fun-loving, kind, caring, hardworking, creative, silly, great friend

💚LGBTQ+ hero: Idk, Sarah Paulson and Lily Tomlin? I’m sure I could answer this better after giving it more thought but its late.

💛favorite part of being LGBTQ+: The friendships/connections I’ve made in the queer community, both online on social media and in real life through the support groups, queer events etc. Feeling like I don’t have to fit into the neat little heteronormative box. And this is shallow but thank god I was born with the ability to appreciate and love women both physically and intellectually because hey, women are hot af, let’s be real lol.

🧡advice to younger you: It’s okay to like girls, there is nothing wrong with it, being bi and loving women is beautiful. Love yourself some more. You deserve credit for everything you’ve gone through and overcome. You’re amazing and you’re going to do great things with your life, meet and befriend amazing people one day, and accomplish things you never imagined.

❤️do you ever wish you weren’t LGBTQ+: No? Why would I? As Lady Gaga would say, I was born this way lol. I mean yeah there’s hard times, difficult moments, hard things about being queer but being bi specifically carries its own hardships. And like I said, the good outweighs the bad. There’s hard days, moments, questioning periods etc but I wouldn’t change things for the world. Thank God I’m not straight lol. If only for the fact that I love women too much lmao. NGL, I often wonder what its like for my straight female friends who don’t see women the same way I do lol and who don’t see them in a romantic sense if that makes sense. It’s probably a whole lot easier to be straight but I really wouldn’t change things if I could.

#queueing this since this took longer than expected and its late lol #sorry for writing a novel as usual but this was fun!!#pride q & a #pride asks #asks #🌈

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karak9 · 5 years

Text

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

#Trans #nonbinary #nb #genderqueer #gender questioning #transmed #pls help me lmao I hate my brain sm #also im so sorry if this post is scuffed af #im on mobile #its 4 am I cba

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phanemotrash · 6 years

Note

All of them. All 100. Do it. I dare you.

aha, I’ve missed when we’ve done this, good friend. *cracks knuckles*

1 - Who was the last person you texted?

my boss

2 - When is your birthday?

may 9th

3 - Who do you want to be with right now?

my crush

4 - What sports do you play?

does internet surfing count?

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts?

one of my aunts

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment?

Fixation by Emma Blackery

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with?

my crush *wiggles eyebrows* ;)

8 - What do you feel right now?

numb

9 - What chocolate is your favorite?

ALL THE CHOCOLATE

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have?

none, and I’ve never had a real one

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account?

wanted a place to put things I couldn’t tell/show my parents

12 - Who is your favorite blogger?

the bitch who asked me this, @greenmooneyes

13 - Where do you want to be right now?

with my crush, where else?

14 - What do you want to be in the future?

in a stable, comfortable situation

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why?

sometime in the last few days, I was pissed at my parents for something they do a lot

16 - Are you happy?

50% of the time

17 - Who do you miss?

my family who live on the other side of the country, and the bitch who sent this ask

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life?

no, every life has its struggles, so I’d rather deal with the ones in this life since I know best how to deal with them

19 - What was the best thing you were given?

friendship

20 - Who was the last person who called you?

my grandfather

21 - What is your favorite dish?

don’t have one, but I LOVE comfort food

22 - Who is your bestfriend?

the bitch who asked this (I already tagged her above)

23 - What is your biggest regret?

don’t have any

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner?

nope, and I hope I never will (can’t say I won’t cause you never know what’ll happen)

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with?

myself. I’m usually by myself

26 - Name someone pretty.

@roseyygf I think she’s very pretty

27 - Who was the last person you hugged?

my brother

28 - What kind of music do you listen to?

various kinds, can’t pin one down

29 - Are you over your past?

mostly, the only thing that I can’t get over is my abusive birth-mother and how she has treated me and my sister all our lives

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts?

My uncle

31 - What kind of person do you want to date?

my crush, who else?

In seriousness, someone who is kind, funny, caring, respects me, and likes most of the same things I do. (My crush fits this soooo well, but has a girlfriend.)

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night?

Yes. Especially when I could be looking at dank memes instead of trying to sleep.

33 - From whom was the last text message you received?

My boss

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt?

J E A N S!!!!!

35 - How’s your heart?

hurting, but fine

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”?

somewhat, I had a bf who did, but I don’t think that relationship counts as a real one for reasons I’d rather not discuss.

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment?

YESSSSSS! (and they are all I want to talk about lately. I’m even annoying myself)

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?

Hey, why did we have a fake relationship? We were better as friends, and you hated me after we faked a relationship to get your sister to shut up, but never said why.

39 - Do you have any phobias?

fear of holes (can’t remember the specific word)

40 - Did you try to change for a person?

yes, sort of. The only time I change for a person is when I hurt them in some way, so I change so I never hurt anyone else in that way again

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone?

I have no clue

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship?

Nope! All my previous relationships were fake or not real relationships. Like, either pretending to be a couple, or we were a couple but certain reasons make it a not real relationship.

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood?

neutral

44 - Name someone you can’t live without.

The bitch who sent this ask

45 - Describe your dream date.

being on a date with my crush

46 - Describe your dream wedding.

who said I wanted to get married?

If I did, it would be outside, in winter while it’s snowing

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s?

none, no one sends me valentine’s shit (except my best friend [see above])

48 - Have you ever been kissed?

not a “real tongue kiss”, but one without tongue, yes, and that was only for a fake relationship to make it seem like it was real

49 - How long is your longest relationship?

two weeks

50 - Do you regret your past?

nope

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else?

depends on what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, and who I’m doing it for

52 - Have you ever cried over someone?

yup, the first girl I loved. I cried because I emotionally hurt her without realizing, and I felt like a piece of shit for what I did

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone?

birth-mother, no one else

54 - Are you a crybaby?

according to my parents yes, but most of the time, no

55 - Do people praise you for your looks?

not really, I’m mostly praised for ‘how smart I am’

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t?

yes, only reason I shouldn’t have is cause she was straight, and I knew it.

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?

yes, hurting the girl I loved. I regretted it for years until I accepted that I did a horrible thing, that I learned from it, and just got sick and tired of crying myself to sleep over what I did. I shouldn’t have done that, but I got sick of regretting something years after it happened.

58 - Do you like getting hurt?

physically, in certain ways, yes ;)

59 - Does anyone hate you?

probably

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”?

myself, yes, when I need to focus but can’t (happens frequently). other than that, no

61 - What hair color do you prefer?

I have no preference

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it?

being able to analyze my words and actions better so I don’t hurt anyone ever again

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment?

no, I do have a crush though

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself?

I used to, but not anymore.

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school?

66 - Can you live without internet?

yes

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone?

Fixation by Emma Blackery, Helpless from Hamilton, Satisfied from Hamilton, Would You Be So Kind by Dodie Clark, Absolutely Smitten by Dodie Clark

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears?

extremely, it’s scary

69 - Are you a crybaby?

you already asked this

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical?

71 - Are you a KPOP fan?

not really, but I have yet to check it out

72 - Do you study hard?

yes ;)

in seriousness, only when an assignment is due

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love?

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight?

also, *have you ever had a kiss, or, *did you ever have a kiss (I copied this directly from the post)

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat?

yes

76 - Did you have an accident last year?

77 - What kind of person are you?

hmm, honest, don’t give a fuck what people think about me, happy being single, happy being just friends with my crush, 50% happy

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone?

yes, but even when I thought about it, and still to this day, would never do it.

79 - Have you ever been jealous?

yes

80 - How can you prove your love to someone?

no idea

81 - What are you thinking right now?

why did I listen to this bitch and answer every one of these questions? my fingers hurt

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts?

my step mom

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase?

yes, but I shouldn’t erase them because they helped me learn shit

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel?

yes

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone?

I have, but I’ve been trying to stop doing that, no matter what the person has done to me

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone?

yes, I start arguments with my best friend [see above] on purpose

87 - Do you have trust issues?

somewhat

88 - Are you broken-hearted?

no, I repaired my broken heart years ago

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?

my crush, ONLY CAUSE 3 PEOPLE HAVE TRIED TELLING ME I’M IN LOVE WITH THEM WHEN IT’S JUST A CRUSH

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it?

yes

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”?

yes

92 - Who do you want to marry?

who said I want to get married?

93 - Do you believe in destiny?

somewhat

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”?

95 - How do you look right now?

awesome

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies?

no, love can die, love can come in phases, love is fucking weird as hell

97 - Have you found your true love?

98 - What should you be doing right now?

watching YouTube, BUT SOMEONE SENT THIS ASK

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.

Jeremy, if that even counted as a relationship

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

all the damn time.

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peregrintook · 6 years

Note

10, 18, 21, 22, 28, 41, 44, 65, 98, 99, 107, 114, 118, 119, 131, 148, 150, 157, 194, 201, 212, 215, 216 ( I'm sorry if they're a lot but I like them very much)

OHMYGOD greddie this is your revenge isn’t it

Okay here we go

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

My bf and me use the word “beste”. It’s german and means “best”, but we use it without any articles or anything. We just look at something or indicate what we mean and then say “Beste.” Which is a bit weird, I guess, but it happened once and now we can’t stop. We use it for things, but also food, or actions. XD

In english I think I tend to overuse the word “awesome” sometimes.

18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down?

When I feel REALLY down, I usually watch LotR. I pretty much know it by heart by now so it’s really calming for me to watch, plus I just adore this world and its characters.

Very often I also turn toward the HP movies (to everybody’s great surprise, I’m sure), or Pacific Rim, or Pride and Prejudice... I have a ton of comfort movies.

21: What am I most afraid of?

Deep, philosophical answer: meaninglessness. I want to matter. I want to make an impact, I want to be remembered, I want to be needed, I want to BE. The idea of a meaningless life followed by an equally meaningless death scares the hell out of me.

Less deep and philosophical answer: dentists and spiders?

Putting this under a cut because it’s getting super long!

22: A good quality of mine?

I’m a good listener and I’m honest. So if you ever need honest opinions/advice on/for a situation your in.. i’m ur girl.

28: Something I miss?

Something or someone? SomeTHING I miss is my old home. I miss the house, the garden, I miss sitting on the roof, I miss walking out the door and being right in the middle of nowhere. I miss that so, so, SO much.

41: Do I have any strange phobias?

Dentists? That’s not strange, is it? My strange one is balloons. I can’t stand them. I go out of my way to avoid them. Helium filled balloons are fine, mostly, and hotairballoons are fine too. But the normal, like, kid-party balloons? I hate them, stay away from me.

44: Last book I read?

I’m currently reading “Norse Mythology” by Neil Gaiman and I’m enjoying it a LOT! Before that I read Shakespeare’s “Richard II” and absolutely loved it.

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

Hmm. I want to say Middle-earth, but I think, given the choice, I’d rather be a witch in the HP universe? But then again, ROHAN. Or maybe a captain in the aerial corpse of the Temeraire universe? I DON’T KNOW. ALL OF THEM. ;--;

98: 3 things I love?

- the feeling when i’m becoming obsessed with something new

- when summer is over and it’s finally cold enough to wear a sweater

- meeting someone new and realizing you’re extremely similar and share so many thoughts and interests

99: 3 things I hate?

- Passive aggression, especially when it’s hidden behind fake concern. That’s extremely specific I know, but it’s something that drove me up the wall a few days ago.

- Lies. Cliche, but, honestly? Don’t fucking lie. What’s the point. Oh, that also includes, cheating, betrayal, etc, any kind of dishonesty.

- People who treat their animals badly. Ignorance isn’t an excuse. Read up on proper animal care before you get a pet. Seriously, it’s not that hard, you have the entire internet at your disposal!

107: Guilty pleasure?

I don’t think I have guilty pleasures anymore. I used to be ashamed of liking a bunch of things, but I’ve realized that it’s my business and my business only what I like and dislike. I guess a while ago I would have said Bollywood? But it’s not a guilty pleasure, it’s just a pleasure! Bollywood movies are awesome!

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?

Norway. I want to go hiking or camping there, or both. It looks so beautiful on images I’ve seen, and I’m so interested in its history and mythology.

118: Do I like space?

I LOVE SPACE. Kid-me was obsessed with space. I had and still have a bunch of books on various space related topics.

119: Do I like the deep ocean?

HELL YES. Not as many books on that front, not in my possession anyway, but I’d love to read more about it. It’s so amazing to me that we’re still exploring and finding out new things about all the stuff that’s going on down there. It’s mysterious, and I live for mystery. (Same with space, obviously)

131: Am I a good liar?

Hahah. I’m the WORST liar. I hate lying, so I always avoid it. I blush and laugh. I can hold eyecontact but it’s still obvious. I’m just. The worst liar. And frankly I’m happy with that!

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?

Temeraire. My beloved imperial social justice warrior dragon Temeraire. I love him so so so much. SO much.

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

Let’s face it, I have not made any good decisions so far. Jk, idk, maybe breaking up with my ex boyfriend, and moving in with my current one? Because that old relationship was SO not a happy one, but this one is so awesome. I have all the freedom I could ask for, but at the same time all the emotional support and love I could ask for as well.

Another good decision I’m really glad I made was reaching out to my brother a few years ago because I hated that we almost never talked to each other outside of family meetings/family issues. That has changed since then!

157: What makes me nostalgic?

Looking at pictures of the place where I used to live. I miss the castle, and I miss the park, and I miss the old christmas market.

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?

I’m not sure I want to think about that. I don’t think I could choose my last words right now, since I don’t know what I’ll be and what I’ll know when I die. If I was dying right now, my last words would probably be “No, this can’t be it, there’s still so much I want to do!”

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?

I had a terrifying nightmare when I was a kid.

I was running down the hall in our old house, knocking open the door to my dad’s office and running inside at full speed, not noticing that there was a trap on the floor. I ran right into it. It was a magical trap, and it didn’t hurt me, but it pulled me down to the floor so I was lying down with my arms outstretched like I’d been crucified, and I couldn’t move. My parents and brother and I think my grandma were all there, just looking down at me with really sad eyes. Then they picked up my teacup and drew a black X on it, which, in that dream, meant that the person who the cup belonged to, had died. But I wasn’t dead, I was just lying on the floor, right there! I remember pleading with them to just help me up, help me get out of that trap, but they didn’t move.

It was scary as all hell.

212: Was I named after anyone?

I was! My mum named me after her favorite aunt, Christine, who, sadly, died before I ever had a chance to meet her.

215: What is the weirdest talent I have?

I don’t think I have weird talents. I’m not sure I have talents at all. I just put a lot of work and energy into the things I’m good at now?

216: Favourite fictional character?

Greddie. Why. Why would you do this to me. You KNOW I can not decide.

I’ll name my favorite faves, is that alright?

Eowyn, Boromir, Harry Potter, the Weasley Twins, The Fool/Beloved, Temeraire, Loki, Sam Winchester.

That’s FAR from everyone, but I tried. It’s a bunch of the ones who are extremely important to me!

#not hp #about me #ask game #thank you for torturing me greddie XD #i love you #reguluslocket

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warmau · 7 years

Note

hi!!!!! can I please request for a minhyun college au? I am addicted to your writing (･´з`･) thank you in advance xxx

for nu’est ive decided it’d be cool to make them all medical students!! so consider it residency-college!au LOL~

specialty: minhyun is doing his residency in dermatology

is known as the “pretty boy” of the unit and other residents are always joking that patients favor him because,,,,,,,,well one he has gorgeous skin,,,,,,,but everything else about him is literally just as gorgeous

is really sweet and tries his best to be polite,,,,,,even if taking another 10 hour shift is literally going to Kill Him,,,,,minhyun just smiles and is like : ) it’s fine : ) im fine

his superiors like him the most and their favoritism shows because guess who doesn’t get yelled out for taking a five minute snack break? it’s minhyun

but even though he comes off so mannered and mature,,,,,he has a lil nerdy side,,,,,like his phone background is always his cute niece and him but one day someone noticed that his lock screen was literally a screenshot from the transformers movie,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,,

everyone keeps asking if he’s dating and minhyun is just like,,,,i,,,,,d,,dating?!?!?!?! and they’re like oh my god you have the face and you’re telling us you haven’t used it yet

and minhyun is like ?!?! i use it everyday to eat, to read - and everyone is like oh jesus no that’s nOT WHat we MEANT

but if anyone as much as dares to try to do ‘corrupt’ minhyun (as dongho affectionately refers to it) minhyun just turns pink and bites his lips and is like i!! don’t know anything about that,,,,,

boy is already in residency and sometimes if a patient get too close he has to excuse himself,,,,,,,soft boy

speaking of dongho and the rest of nu’est they all do residency in the same hospital so every now and then they’ll meet up to eat lunch outside

and everyone swoons because they’re the ~visual residents~ a group of goodlooking guys in white doctors coats,,,,,,what a dREAM

and then dongho gets crumbs all over his scrubs and minhyun is like come here i need to clean it - don’t you dare run from me- come bacK

is really good at his job though, so much so that people are like he doesn’t even need to do residency he knows sO MUCh

graduated at the top of his class in med school, still studies as diligently as before, literally takes notes on e v e r y t h i n g the doctors say

jr jokes that when minhyun opens his own dermatology clinic he should give all of them face lifts but minhyun is like,,,,,,,,im not doing that im doing immunodermatology wanna hear what i learned about leprosy-

jr: i gtg rn i was just trying to make a joke i am so sorry

anyway you also work in the hospital,,,,,but not as a resident or anything you’re actually in the tech department

and you know about minhyun because how can you not,,,,,but also,,,,,,,,he’s called the tech department like a minimum of twenty times a week because for some reason he’s super smart

but takes like ten years to type in a patients chart notes and he’s always getting a bit confused with the hospitals interface

and you,,,,,,,dont mind being the one called to help him i mean like have you /SEEN/ him

just standing beside him is like basking in the sunlights glow and u dont mind. not one bit. tbh u r not gonna like lie when u see a call from the dermatology dept u basically fight people for the phone

buuuuut you also know that it’s a one sided kinda thing,,,because minhyun could have anyone,,,,,,,literally

u can tell from the fact that his lab coats pockets are always full of candy, letters, and more that both patients and staff give him and yeah it makes ur heart sink a bit but like,,,,

whatever the short moment where you get to stand beside him at the desk and tell him (for the 15th time) how to reset the scheduling system works like,,,,,it’s enough

which is why when you get called down again, minhyun voice sounding apologetic over the phone u cheerily tell him it’s no problem - you’ll be right down to see what happened

but since the elevator is taking too long u decide to go down the stairs where,,,,you hear voices echoing as you get closer to the floor ur supposed to meet minhyun on

and???? they sound familiar,,,,,one is obviously dongho’s,,,,,and the other???? minhyun?

and u stop your steps,,,listening to their echoing words

“are you going to ask them? minhyun it’s been two weeks since you decided to say something and you’re still putting it off.”

“,,,,,what if they don’t like me-”

“NO OFFENSE BUT THATS NOT POSSIBLE”

you blink,,,,wondering if you’re hearing another voice,,,,,and it is,,,,this one belongs to another resident. ren

“minhyun, seriously you’re handsome. i dont say that a lot. but ur handsome. very handsome. look at me minhyun does it look like i would lie.”

and finally,,,,the calmest voice of the bunch belong to jr: “you should go for it. i think they like you too.”

and you’re not sure what else they say because the door opens and a couple of nurses rush by you, their footsteps making noise

and in your head you’re wondering,,,,,,who is it that minhyun likes,,,,,,,

but not wanting to get lost in your thoughts you rush down coming out into the dermatology dept and seeing minhyun leaning against the wall near the elevators.

you pat his shoulder,,making him jump a bit and the both of you breaking into blushing apologizes but then he mumbles that he’s pretty sure something is going on with the vital monitor

and you go inside the room to check it out

and as you’re doing your work,,,,you don’t notice minhyun bite his lip,,,,shy eyes trying to avoid your figure in the center of the room

quietly fidgeting with his name tag pinned to his collar

and when you turn, smile on your face “done! it just got unhooked-”

“are you free,,,,,on sunday?”

minhyun’s sudden question catches you off guard and you’re like w-what?? and he’s like,,,,,,,, “i-,,,,i have a shift,,,,but i can- it ends at 8 so i could take u to dinner,,,,,maybe,,,,,-”

minhyun,,,,with all his pretty features and polite personality cannot seem to stutter out a date invitation

but,,,,you also cant believe ur ears???? the person minhyun liked?????was you???

and you’re like “d-don’t you not have many free days? you should rest-”

“it’s ok! i want to,,,,,spend it with you.”

there’s something of a shy smile on his face,,,,but his eyes are nervous and you’re always feeling your palms sweat

because god u really want to say yes,,,,the happiness in your stomach is turning to butterflies,,,,,but you also know that minhyun should rest

so you go “ok,,,,,but how about we do something simple,,,,like watch a movie at my place?”

and minhyun almost turns cherry red at the mention of coming over and he refuses,,,,,saying it’d be un-gentlemen-y of him but ur just like pleassse it’s fine

safe to say you guys do have that date at your place but you purposly pick a boring movie so minhyun falls asleep fifteen minutes in and you let the tired med student sleep soundly on your shoulder as you do your own thing

and ofc when he wakes up minhyun is a mess of “im sorrys” and “im not a creep i promise” but u just laugh and tell him it’s ok,,,,,it was a perfect first date because u were able to see him rest

which honestly just makes minhyun’s heart flutter even more about you,,,,,on the way home he texts ren and is like “i think they’re an angel,,,,,,,”

dating med student!minhyun is slow at first because he’s surprisingly shy about pda or skinship,,,,,to the point where when he first holds ur hand he has to let go 5 minutes later and be like “its not that i dont want to,,,its just,,,,,my hand got sweat and i didnt want u to think thats gross-” and u had to grab his hand back and be like idc if its sweaty i want to hold it forever, minhyun once he gets more comfortable has a habit for always dusting off your uniform or tucking strands of your hair back because he thinks u look cute when ur all neat and whatnot, tbh dongho and jr tell minhyun it might be a lil weird but u like it,,,its minhyun’s personality so u accept it, since he works super long hours u dont really get to see each other often but minhyun really likes it when u text him what ur doing after work esp if u include pictures, at first he’d just be like oh! cool :D or looks yummy! but as you two get closer he’ll kinda be a little sappy saying things like even your silhouette is pretty or i wish i could be beside you right now, a constant struggle is showing people photos of you and minhyun together looking cute in the hospital lobby doing peace signs and ur like that’s my boyfriend! and people are like no no no thats a celebrity honey and ur like,,,no,,,,,no he’s my bf,,,,,,,basically people r just really shocked because minhyun’s visuals are no joke, whenever someone confesses to minhyun whether it’s a patient or a staff he gets all embarrassed but also secretly reaLLY likes saying he has a significant other that he is head over heels for, ren makes fun of him so much for it he imitates his voice and calls out ur name and is like head !!! oveR HEELs~~~!! and minhyun is like pLEASE and ren is just kiss kiss love love u two are sooooo corny, on an anniversary minhyun had work but he sent you a video of him playing on the piano and singing your favorite love song and it legitimately made you tear up, does this thing where when he gets really really tired he’ll never admit it but one kiss from you makes it feel like he can take on the WORLD, an exchange resident named aaron comes to visit and minhyun introduces you to him and is like he’s my bff and aaron is just like “so what base have you and minhyun reac-oK FINE I WONT ASK”, those rare times where residents get more than a day off minhyun always insists on doing the absolute most for you and sometimes you have to literally argue with him to let you do something because he works so hard you want to support him and make it easy, you cooked for him once and you can’t tell if him telling you he LOVED it was fake or real,,,,,,,you guys got matching sweaters from the nu’est boys as a gift and they’re bright pink and corny and minhyun refuses to wear them until you giggled and put it on and minhyun melts for anything you do so he was like ok FINE, surprised you once by pulling you into a storage closet at the hospital and letting a hand slip up your shirt and you were like minhyun?? ?against his neck and he,,,,,couldn’t keep it up you felt his cheeks go hot and he was a stuttering mess like ten minutes in but he was also like i just,,,i really wanted you i dont know what came over me ,,,,,WHAT A FREAKING CUTIE AMIRIGHT THO,,,,promises that once he is done with residency he’s going to get a good job and take you on vacation for never leaving his side through the hardest years of his life and you just kiss his nose and tell him not to worry about it,,,,,but seriously the only thing on minhyun’s mind sometimes (which he finds fascinating) is how much he really rEALLY wants to make you happy,,,,,,,,,,he wants a future,,,,with you

find others here: ong seongwoo | kang daniel | lee daehwi

#nu'est scenarios #nuest scenario #minhyun scenario #minhyun au #minhyun imagine #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 season 2 #pd101 imagines #pd101 scenarios #nu'est au #nuest imagine #hwang minhyun #sfw #college!au #wanna one scenarios #wanna one

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choco-chip-cookie · 7 years

Text

BabyDaddy!Cal Pt.1

A/N: AHHHHHHHH, I told y'all I’d be back for a sequel. I’m hoping this sequel gets just as much attention as the first series did, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. If you’ve read the first series, then you already know that I’m all about drama and that’s exactly what this series is gonna be. Anyway, this is the first chapter and you all should look forward for many to come. If you’ve read the first series you know that I need 100 notes and feedback for the next chapter. Enjoy my lil nuggets💕

Oh and most of this chapter is in italics because they’re flashbacks.

**WARNING**: Nothing besides profanity, but I’m sure you knew that

**Previous Series: SugarDaddy!Cal **(Read this first)

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty{END}

The moment you found out you were pregnant you knew that shit was about to hit the fan.You weren’t just the average twenty year old, barely financially stable college student. No. You were also the girlfriend of a famous rockstar who is in a world famous band. Plus, you also happened to sleep with his best friend and bandmate before finding out you were pregnant, therefore have no clue who’s baby it is. On top of that you were being watched, loved, and even hated by millions of people daily. Oh, and how could you forget that you were helping your best friends plan their wedding as well? Life couldn’t be any better right?

So, here you are in your living room trying to ignore your overwhelming emotions by catching up on Supernatural and eating for two while your boyfriend is out somewhere angrily driving around on the streets. Oh, and what led him to doing that was catastrophic.

Let’s start from the very beginning, shall we? Only three weeks after you first found out about the new life growing inside of you.

“Wait….so, you’re pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“And you have no idea who’s baby it is?”

“Nope.”

“Well fuck.” Ashton said with a starstruck expression, sliding his hands over his face and leaning back in his seat.

You had decided to tell the most mature member of the band about your mishap, figuring that he would be the only who could help you at the moment. Connor and Felix had only been telling you to tell Calum, as well as been caught up in planning their dream wedding. It didn’t help that finals were approaching as well, so the three of you were drowning in essays and classes. You had texted Ashton to let him know that you needed to meet up ASAP, so here you were in the furthest corner of Starbucks conversing.

“Yeah, ain’t this some shit?” You sighed, pushing a few coily strands from you face.

“Have you told Calum?”

“Of course not, Ash.”

Ashton groaned and ran his fingers through his newly bleached locks, chewing his lip nervously.“How many months along are you?”

“Uh…I was a month and a week when I found out sooo…” You thought out the time in your head.“two months.”

“Are you gonna keep it?” Ashton knew that he was asking a lot of questions, but he couldn’t help it. This was going to go horribly wrong no matter what happened and you both knew that.

“The hell you mean? Of course Imma keep it.”

“Okay, okay, I’m just making sure.” The boy held his hands up in defense.“Well, how the hell are we going to hide this if you won’t tell him.”

“That’s why I called you. I most likely won’t be able to hide it when three months hits. I just look like I’ve gained some weight at the moment.” You demonstrated by turning to the side and showing him the slight pudge.

“Yep, definitely have to tell him soon.” He confirmed.“Uh, wow. Thanks for putting this weight on me.”

“Aww, you’re welcome.” You smiled and the older boy rolled his eyes.“I’m glad I don’t have to stress alone.”

After that day, Ashton had been the one helping you out. He’d be with you for the few doctor appointments you’ve had, when you had cravings that you couldn’t or didn’t feel like getting yourself, and most of all helping you hide your secret. You thought all was well, but Calum on the other hand was on edge. He didn’t know what he was so on edge about, however, but he was. You had suddenly began to invest all of your time into Ashton, hardly paying the Māori boy any attention. Calum was lucky to even get a peck or a text back from you nowadays. He didn’t know what was happening, all he did know was that he had only gotten you for barely even three months and he felt as if he was already losing you. That feeling is what led him to drinking on Michael couch at one in the morning.

“I don’t know, man. She’s just been so distant lately.” Calum sighed out as he took a sip of his beer.“Its nerve wrecking.”

“Why, though? It’s just Ashton.” Michael shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah, and I used to think "It’s just Luke” until she had sex with him.“ Calum laughed coldly and Michael understood his point, but couldn’t help but to put up and argument.

"Yeah, but they were both drunk and grieving from relationship problems. She thought you were with that obsessive chick and that you moved on. Besides, Ashton definitely wouldn’t do that to you, mate.”

“Maybe.”

There was a long silence as they watched the people pass a soccer ball to each other on the large flat screen hung on Michael wall. After the blonde took the final few sips of his beer, he sat it onto the coffee table and decided to voice his opinion on the matter.

“You know what I think?”

“I’m not sure I want to know.” Calum joked.“What’s runnin’ through that thick skull of yours, mate?”

“I think Y/N’s pregnant.”

Calum coughed and spluttered as he choked on the alcoholic beverage, not expecting those words to fall from his friend’s lips.

“What?”

“I mean, think about it. She’s been distant, hanging out a lot with the most mature friend she’s probably got, and you two have tons of sex.”

“We do no-”

“I swear you’re reincarnations of rabbits, Cal.” Michael joked with seriousness and the Calum laughed.“ No, but seriously. You said she’s been sick and moodier, plus it looks like she’s gained some weight.”

“I don’t think she has.”

“How do you see her naked nearly twenty four hours a day and not notice she’s gained weight? What’s wrong with you?”

Calum rolled his eyes as Michael opened his laptop to pull-up recent photos on your Instagram. He scrolled down a few weeks ago and opened the picture in a new tab and then clicked the latest one you had uploaded. Once he put the pictures side by side, Calum immediately noticed the difference. It wasn’t completely noticeable, but once Michael had drawn attention to it it was very apparent to him.

“Do you see?”

“Oh my God.”

“I’m not saying it’s a hundred percent, but it’s something.” Michael shrugged his shoulders and got more comfortable on his couch.

Moments like these reminded Calum why he kept telling himself that Michael wasn’t as dumb as he like to tease him about. He might have been a doofus ninety percent of the time, but he had his genius moments. Calum had decided to text you right then and there to question you, praying that you’d reply.

~ Cal: Babe, I have a serious question •• 10 min later •• ~ Y/N: ..okay?? ~ So uh, me and Mike were talking about how you’ve been sick recently right? ~ Right ~ Then he pointed out that you’ve been gaining some weight lately and uh.. ~ Damn….Ik I’ve been eating more and gaining a lil weight, but you ain’t gotta draw attention to it ~ No no no, don’t take offense I’m sorry ~ Lowkey just hurt my feelins, lmaoo ~ My bf just told me I’m getting too fat ~ No, Y/N, babe that’s no what I meant I swear ~ You still look amazing, I promise it’s just…me and Michael were thinking that maybe you’re pregnant? ~ ….Tf? ~ I mean we do have a lot of sex and Ik you’re on the pill, but it’s a possibility ~ Cal I just had my period ~ I’m not pregnant, just eating good ~ Well okay…I love you ~ I love you too, you ass

Although Calum felt relieved and could enjoy the rest of his night, your nerves were sky high as you frantically texted Ashton that the boys were on to you. About thirty minutes later Ashton hadn’t calmed your nerves, but only made them worse as he told you that you were going to tell both Calum and Luke about your pregnancy. Now that leads us to what caused Calum to roam the streets in the wee hours of the morning.

You were all gathered in Michael backyard as you ate takeout on the freshly cut grass. Even Connor and Felix had came around for the small get together. The two lovers had become pretty close with the guys as well, mainly being party buddies - specifically Connor. You were enjoying stuffing your face as you sat between Calum’s legs until Ashton reminded you of what you were actually here to do.

“Well, curly top has an announcement to make.”

“Ashton!”

“That’s why we’re really here, Y/N. Don’t act surprised.”

“Suck my dick.” You rolled your eyes as you crawled away from Calum and the blonde snorted.

“Cal does that enough for us all.”

“What’s the announcement, babe?” Calum questioned as you distanced yourself further and further away from him, not wanting to be directly beside him when you gave out the news.

By now both Conor and Felix had realized what you were going to be announcing since they were the first to know. The two guys also realized that Ashton must’ve known as well, which was why you spent so much time with him while they were absent. You were wringing your hands together nervously as your mentally prepared yourself for what could possibly happen once the words leave your lips.

“So, I uh…I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve been spending a lot of time with Ashton lately, Calum and-”

“You’re not cheating on me right?” He interrupted and you frantically shook your head no, allowing him to let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Of course not, he’s just been helping me out with a problem.”

“What’s the-”

“If you let me finish, you’ll find out.” You sassed and he nodded his head, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks when his friends stifled their laughter.

Taking a deep breath you continued,“I went to the doctor and found out that uh…I’m pregnant. Two and a half months pregnant at the moment.” You smiled nervously.

Calum’s eyes widened in shock as he let what you said soak into his brain before he shot up and pulled you to his chest, spinning you around swiftly. Michael was shouting about him knowing it proudly while Luke laughed and congratulated his friend.

“Holy shit, I’m gonna be a dad? This is fucking crazy!” Calum grinned, pulling back to see your expression. You just knew that he was going to be heartbroken in the next few moments, and clearly that expression was noticeable. “What’s wrong, babe?”

“I uh…I-I don’t know if it’s yours.” You spoke quietly and saw him furrow his eyes brows in confusion.

“W-What do you mean you don’t know if it’s mine?” Calum’s eyes studied your face trying to see if it was some joke, but knowing it wasn’t when he saw the tears of fear in your eyes.“Wait, you’re serious?”

“Cal, I’m sorry.”

He pulled away from you with an angered expression, his mind all over the place from the news.“Who elses could it be? Who else did you sleep with?”

Just at that moment everyone’s eyes turned to Luke and it dawned on both him and Calum that he was the other person. That you were possibly carrying his child. You all watched as the youngest band member’s eyes slowly widened at the realization, his world pausing for a few seconds.

“No. No, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Calum shook his head.“Hell no! You can’t possibly be- oh my God.”

Calum could feel his heart clenching at the thought. You just might be possibly carrying Luke’s baby. His girlfriend just may be pregnant with his best friends baby. Calum could only see red as he was suddenly charging at Luke and within seconds had him on the ground, repeatedly punching him. Luke, however, put up a good fight although he knew he sort of deserved this. Ashton roughly pulled Calum away whilst Michael had taken care of Luke, yelling at the both of them to calm down. Michael was getting through to Luke, but Calum was livid.

“How dare you take away the only person I truly love in life? Why would you fuck up something this big for me?!”

“It’s not like I did it on fucking purpose!” Luke argued back.

“Guys, we don’t even know who the baby’s father is yet.” Connor joined in trying to get them to calm down as well.“Most likely it’s Calum’s anyway, they’ve had sex who knows how many times.”

“Yeah, but it only takes that one time to get pregnant.” Michael pointed out and Connor shrugged and took a sip of his drink.

While everyone was arguing, you had took a seat in the grass to try to calm your nerves. This was too much for you at the moment and you had suddenly felt dizzy due to the amount of stress your body was in. You looked up when you felt a tap on your shoulder, smiling kindly as Felix handed you a bottled water.

“Thanks.”

“Could you all just kind of…calm down? This stress isn’t good for, Y/N.” Felix spoke up and everyone quieted down.

Calum broke free from Ashton’s strong grip and walked towards you. Honestly, you were quite scared as to what he would say to you, praying to God that he wasn’t going to leave you.

He simply held out his hand and said,“Give me my keys.”

“Where are you going?”

“Just give me my fucking keys, Y/N!”

The tone of his voice made you jump and you frantically went to pull the keys out of your pocket. Never have you ever actually listened to someone, let alone been afraid of someone when they used that tone on you. Then again, you’ve never heard Calum’s voice sound so cold and free of emotion.

“Where are you going?”

“Fuck you.” Was what he answered with as he stormed around the side of the house and disappeared into the darkness. You all could hear the sound of his car starting up and speeding away as you stood in an awkward silence.

So, again here you were watching tv and feeding yourself tortilla chips and salsa to somewhat make you feel better. Your night had been probably the worst you’ve had in a while, so when there was a loud knock at your door, you didn’t know who to expect. Standing to your feet you slowly walked towards the door, thinking about how the person even got buzzed in. When you opened it, you were surprised to see the boy who had been missing for hours on end.

“We need to talk.”

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whyldkratts · 7 years

Note

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

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divinitykittty · 5 years

Text

Get to know Kit

It’s the question(s) on nobody’s mind: who is divinity kittty?

Well let me just start by saying I have A LOT of time on my hands, like too much, like enough to find and fill all of this out for no other reason than because I felt like it. & with that being said, here’s some light public self reflection; hope it’s as good for you guys as it was for me!

1. Full Name

Im gonna stick with “Divinity Kittty” but you can call me Kit, Kittty or Divinity.

2. Zodiac sign

Gemini sun Aries Moon

3. 3 fears

dying with regrets, dying unfulfilled, living as a slave or vegetable.

4. 3 things I love

warm desserts served with icecream, debates and/or theory discussions, new experiences

5. My best friend

is it wrong to say, myself ...?

6. Last song I listened to

Changes / A$AP Rocky

7. 4 turn ons

sense of humor, witty come backs, strong/toned back/shoulder, intimacy that isn’t awkward or asking for something, that V line cut thing people get sometimes

8. 4 turn offs

bad breath and body odor in general! being mean to animals, being mean to servers and people who are just doing their jobs, greasy skin/hair, cowboy boots.

9. How many tattoos/piercings

I currently have 8 piercings and 9 tattoos. Actually just took out 2 rings though (not sure if ill put them back in before they close), and working on getting another tattoo or 2 soon... so ask me again in about a month lol.

10. The reason I joined tumblr

I joined tumblr like forever ago when it was fresh and new, immediately fell into the hole because I was a big dr.who, supernatural fan... didn’t really decide to actually “run my blog” until recently, because I just feel like it’s a cool platform to like be vulnerable and be myself without worrying about like local bs or anyone texting me or seeing me in public wondering “what was that post about.” Also, like I said, I’ve been here a while kind of just lurking in the shadows of my main acct, so I feel comfortable being myself here. Everyones weird and intellectual, it’s cool.

11. How I feel right now

Satisfied. I just had 2 black bean burgers and some homemade fries so.. can’t complain really.

12. Something I really really want

To RV or renovate a camper or van and just explore a couple parts of america before headed into south america via mexico+panama, into brazil for carnival, and then as far down as i can make it before catching a plane to (Australia first, and then) the East. Never to return!

13. Current relationship status

Dating a cishet man.. pray for me.

14. Meaning behind my URL

Honestly, it’s nothing really that deep. I’d say I relate to the feline community, domestically house cats, but also panthers and lions. I also practice divination in the form of Tarot and Astrology.... I Am a Divine Feline. Divinity Kittty. the 3 Ts represent Trinity - which closely relates to perfection or completion. I also Love the number 3, for creation and manifestation (Trinity again). Idk, I guess it was that deep after all, lol

15. Favorite movies

Ok so it’s somewhere between spirited away and Princess Mononoke... but also like maybe Bug or Teeth... Breakfast at tiffany’s too though, and Heathers.. Have to mention fight club of course, for the culture. and Cloud Atlas!!!! oh man. Apocolypto?? like hello! I don’t know, I’ve seen so many great movies. I really enjoy watching film actually.

16. Favorite songs

Really depends what mood I’m in but right now F Q-C and Spiral by Wilough are both greatttt on soundcloud. Never skip.

17. Favorite bands

I don’t listen to many bands anymore but I’d say maybe Tame Impala if he counts, or Cigarettes after sex.. the beatles will always hold a place in my heart too. And muse... and coldplay oh god. Sorry mom!

18. 3 things that upset me

People who don’t pay attention when I’m trying to share or express something, bills, capitalism in general.

19. 3 things that make me happy

helping/being useful, holding hands, inside jokes

20. Relationship with my parents

My dad kind of tries, but its one of those “too little too late” kind of deals. My mom is great, a bit negative and anxious, but my biggest regret is maybe I’m not expressing as much Love as I’d like to sometimes, due to my own traumas. I love her, I’m just a very casual lover. We try though.

21. My pets

At my mom’s theres 2 wiener dogs, Mocha and Lulu who sleep in my room when I’m there. My bf and I also care for a Pit named Nomu, a cat named Ashes, and her fresh little month old cubs who don’t all have names yet but theres 5 of them... for adoption btw. Please.

22. Do I smoke or drink?

Social drinker, I don’t really just like sit at home and drink for fun but I like going out for a drink and some dancing every now and then. Or wine nights. I don’t smoke... cigarettes.. haha ;)

23. Celebrity crushes

Donald Glover. Scott Mescudi. Beyonce & Rihanna (duh). Jaden Smith. Willow Smith.

24. What I did yesterday

Yesterday I made some sales, hung out with my boyfriend, saw my cousin who’s in from out of town, and pretty much just vibed for the rest of the night.

25. Something I’m talented at

Movement. I don’t know if that’s a real talent, but why wouldn’t it be. I’m really good at moving my body, like dancing, yoga, posture, flexibility, balance... I just like to move.

26. Number of kids I want

One day, maybe like 2. Really I only want 1 but I’d have 2 just so they won’t be lonely growing up.

27. 3 habits I have

If I’m not careful I can easily spend an entire day in bed, I smoke at least 1 spliff almost every day.. especially before bed, spending more than I should.

28. A lie I’ve told

The most recent lie I told was actually today, to my boss.. hear me out though, I just got this new job & she scheduled me but never gave me a log in for the schedules, so she calls me 2 hrs before my shift (opening) and I was just like oh yea “ I have to pick up my cousin at the airport so I can only come for like an hour while you find a replacement.” mind you my cousin got in yesterday... and she drove.. but whatever, I got a free day lol.

29. Something I fantasize about

Civil and/or Spiritual Revolution, my role in the war+the new world

30. My idea of the perfect date

Something outside, preferably in the sun and grass. Some kind of activity, either a game or like something where we get to create but also get to know each other better. Maybe some art or music is involved some how... last date I went on we kayaked out to a little private island and tripped half a tab, that was pretty perfect.

31. Something currently worrying me

MONEY! omg, I’m a broke ass college kid man. And im not even in school right now, can you imagine the distress. I need my bills paid, and fast!

32. Something that’s constantly on my mind

How I can be better than I’ve been.

33. A photo of myself

This is the most recent (quality) photo I have of myself, except my hairs black now... hi.

#about me #get to know me #random questions #newtumblr #newpost #divinity

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