#not for any profound reason I just find him annoying

[meanbossart]

Alright, I am like 90% sure there is ONE line in A Novel Experience touching on Gale GTFOing rapidly, so I don't think there are answers in there for me. So I come to you and ask-WTF went on between Gale and Drow???

Alright, so

There are two versions to what happened to Gale in my first campaign (the OG DU drow campaign that this whole universe is based around), lets begin with the technical version. As I've only somewhat recently come to understand, my Gale was bugged. I had 1 interaction early in the game that slightly veered into romance which didn't go anywhere, and first chance I had I clarified that I was not interested in him that way (the whole reason why It happened in the first place was because i misunderstood his dialogue). Despite this, and despite me turning him down in every romantic interaction following, I kept getting them and my interactions with him were as if we were romantically involved. I even got one exchange (the one about muscles glistening and cheeks flushed) twice, and rejected him both times.

So, later in the game once DU drow and Astarion sucessfully 5d chess-ed their way into falling In love, I was surprised to still be informed i had to "break things off" with Gale if I wanted to get with him. Which I did. And he gave me a whole spiel about it.

Now it's crucial you understand this was early in the game's release, I went into it completely blind and I had never played a game like Baldur's Gate before, so I was not familiar with the mechanics at all, which... Kind of led me to believe Gale was just like that normally.

From that point on I was highly amused, but for roleplaying purposes I decided my drow would have been highly annoyed and a little creeped out. And so I proceeded to be extremely rude to the guy at every chance I got. This eventually resulted In him pursuing the crown of Karsus despite me (rudely) telling him that was a very dumb idea.

The second version of what happened, as I already touched on above a little bit, Is the Narrative one. As I mentioned I had no clue what was and wasn't supposed to happen, so I just... Went along with it within the role-play.

So our beloved DU drow gets worms. He goes on a grand adventure with this weird possy of people to find a cure. When the tiefling party comes everybody except Astarion wants to get into his pants (because I left him on the beach for like a week and then proceeded to be The Rudest to him, sorry babe, I didn't see your pale ass and the asshole dialogue options were Really funny).

Someone else who Didn't seem to wanna fuck him was the wizard. He said he just wanted to show him a magic trick and he (and, I'll admit, me) really thought that was just that. The scene unfolds, Gale tries to teach DU Drow to cast a spell but his 9 intelligence says No. The unsolicited date ends abruptly because Gale is upset that a champion fighter without a single cantrip makes for a shitty wizard. DU Drow thinks thats the end of that - It's Not.

Then what proceeds to happen is a long, annoying, somewhat unsettling dynamic where Gale continually tries to pursue him throughout the game, coming to the point where the guy I'm Actually interested in thinks we are together - and when DU drow tells him verbatim that he had no idea they were even a thing in Gale's mind, he has to hear him whine about it. Add to that the fact that all Gale talks about is his ex-girlfriend, DU drow is (kind of justifiably) led to believe he must be a Profound weirdo to whom he cannot ever say even a Neutral word to again lest he becomes any more infatuated with him - 0r whatever the hell is going on.

Whether it be DU drow's own inflated ego or the actual truth, when Gale begins to pursue the crown he also assumes he's just doing it to spite him - so he isn't the kindest to him about that either.

And within this narrative that I concocted around a simple bug that didn't let me end a romance, I cannot imagine Anyone getting on particularly well with Gale within my main party. Drow thinks he's madly in love with him, Shadowheart is probably a little confused but she trusts DU Drow's word on the matter more than the Wizard's, Astarion thinks... What Astarion thinks.

So, no, they didn't part on the best of terms.

Before anyone gets mad, I assure you - I've completed the game again since then, I realize this is Not the intended Gale experience. He's a hysterical and deeply interesting character and only Slightly clingy and weird.

But, you gotta admit, this is way funnier.

#ask #DU drow #i'm sorry for always weaving such a tale out of these kinds of questions #i like to have fun #bg3 spoilers

[universal-imagines]

✎  ﹝ genshin boys in a college au ﹞

i. zhongli

what better role than that of the young new professor everyone is fussing over?

he carries himself like someone well beyond his years and speaks as if he’s walked the earth for a millennia. his knowledge is extensive and doesn’t just revolve around the subject he teaches, history. he is well-versed in ancient literature, poetry, and is fluent in several languages. it’s no wonder everyone is dying to meet him and have a profound conversation with him.

even you find him intriguing and can’t help but gravitate towards him when you’re both in the breakroom, but you’re determined to find the one thing you know better than him. so far you’ve failed in brewing a better cup of tea than him, knowing how to bind a book (even making the pages from scratch), knowing calligraphy, and picking a lock faster (why does he even need that skill? you’re sure anyone would let him into their home even on a first meeting, probably even give him the codes to all their safes)

tags + notes: professor!zhongli x professor!reader, rivals (one-sided) to lovers, lots of long-winded explanations and awkward encounters in the breakroom

ii. childe

surprisingly he’s the insufferable TA that zhongli handpicked himself. how he thought that guy was the best option when there’s obviously thoma that everyone loves is beyond you. but you have to admit he has a way with words, which is probably why the professor picked him. he could get anyone interested in just about any subject, even a “boring” one like history. and that’s not just a personal opinion either, many students have admitted that the only reason they decided to take the class was because he convinced them.

however, there’s also this weird aura about him. it feels intimidating for some reason, but you can’t quite put your finger on why... and some of your classmates have mentioned being afraid of missing an assignment cause of him. but he seems like a cool guy from your experience, just a little annoying if anything

tags + notes: ta!childe x student!reader, popular x reserved, golden retriever energy x cat energy, endless amount of bickering, childe is always messing with the reader and trying to distract them (all in hopes of getting them to ask him for help after class)

iii. diluc

the first time you saw the redhead wasn’t in class, even though a couple of days later you realized he sat right behind you. in your defense, it’s not like you’re looking behind you during class, but you figure you would have seen him walk into class at least once before. but no, you first saw him at the local bar, he was standing behind the counter with his hair up in a high ponytail. if you were being completely honest, that’s probably why you noticed him there and not in class. in class he wears it in a low and lose ponytail. it doesn’t compliment him at all, but who were you to judge his morning routine.

he’s also a completely different person when he’s not at the bar. in class he’s so serious and keeps to himself, another reason why you probably never noticed him. even at the bar he’s somewhat serious, but at least he offers more than a dry “good morning” there. you’ve even gotten a smile

tags + notes: grumpy x sunshine, forced proximity (they have to work on project together which means meeting up a lot and possibly going to each other’s places), slow burn

iv. kazuha

you’d heard word of that cute boy that performed with his band at the local bar and had caught a glimpse of him once or twice there when visiting your friend diluc. but you never imagined he was the boy you stared at in class, and not cause you thought he was cute or anything you did, it’s just that you always saw him staring out the window, like he longed to be a bird so he could ride the wind and travel to some far off land. other times you’d catch him flipping through a notebook quickly jotting something down, probably lyrics now that you thought about it, and you found it intriguing.

now that you knew he was in a band maybe you could approach him and ask him about it, he seemed friendly enough

tags + notes: band member!kazuha x admirer!reader, reader falls first but kazuha falls harder, he doesn’t realize that all this time he’s been slowly falling for the reader until it hits him like a train and he can’t hide it any longer

v. thoma

thoma is the perfect student. every professor is always speaking highly of him and using him as an example for those that comes after. and yet it’s hard to hate or envy, someone who is willing to let you borrow his notes. in fact, he offers them to you when he notices you’re struggling with a topic. they’re so neat too, color coded and everything. never in your life had notes made more sense to you than the actual professor.

if you weren’t aware of his culinary arts major, you’d have assumed he was studying to be a professor of some kind. helping others came so naturally to him, but so did cooking. there had been plenty of time when he’d brought snacks for the class just cause he felt like it and they were delicious. no wonder the professors loved him, he motivated the class for them

tags + notes: friends to lovers, cuteness overload that’s pretty much it, just lots and lots of fluff

vi. xiao

if it wasn’t because he is literally the quietest person you’ve ever met, you probably would have never noticed xiao in his corner. at first you thought it was because he hated being around people, one of those extremely anti-social people, but you’ve come to realize he is just shy. not the type to fumble over his words, just not the type to initiate a conversation. once you get him talking he’s alright though. still a little awkward with his one word replies, but he’s not a bad guy.

it took you a while to get him to warm up to you, but now it’s like you took in an injured puppy. he even stopped sitting at the very back corner and now comes to sit next to you. the others took it as a free invitation to start talking to him, but he just gives them polite nods and glances their way occasionally. you wonder if it’s because it takes him a while to trust other people

tags + notes: mututal pining, special treatment (you’re the only one that gets to see the talkative side of him and vulnerable), angst (because he’d still have a sad backstory in this au), but it would eventually have lots of fluff

vii. itto

he’s the completely opposite of xiao. while xiao stand outs because he’s so quiet and mysterious, itto stands out cause it’s impossible for him not to. no ones needs to ask him what he’s doing for the day cause everyone can hear him talking about it in the halls. it’s actually surprising just how loud he can be, but that’s the best part of him. he isn’t afraid of putting himself out there. he’s also an overall great guy, whenever he spots someone being left out he’ll include them in the conversation. he does the same for his football games too, invites everyone and gets them cheering even if they don’t care for the sport and makes friends with the opposing team. there have been plenty of time when both teams go out to eat together after the game because of him, regardless of who won or lost.

but his one fault is that he’s not exactly the brightest. everyone loves him, but the professors can only let him off the hook so many times before his grades start suffering...

tags + notes: jock!itto x nerd!reader/tutor!reader, cute moments where the reader patches itto up after a game, that “oh” moment from the reader as they watch itto running on the field, and the “oh” moment from itto as he watches the reader cheer from the stands feeling like he can run on forever

#zhongli x reader #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #diluc x reader #kazuha x reader #thoma x reader #xiao x reader #itto x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #zhongli #childe #diluc #kazuha kaedehara #thoma #xiao #arataki itto #*headcanons #*fluff #*scripto

[revvethasmythh]

Do you think if Chetney was younger, the response to Fearniture would be different? I’ve seen some people try to minimize it entirely, even after this episode and the threesome.

This is something I've been thinking about on and off for a lot of the campaign, and I've kind of settled around thinking that the answer is both yes and no. Do I think Chetney being visibly elderly and therefore non-traditionally attractive is definitely a reason for the relative unpopularity of Fearniture? Yes. Do I think it's THE reason? No.

I often think of Chetney's treatment within fandom is kind of reminiscent of the way Sam's PC's get treated. That is, as a joke character, someone who does a bit and doesn't really have much else going on except to cause chaos and be annoying. Like, Chetney is a ridiculous character, purposefully so, but I think the way the fandom engages with that is often in the bad faith assumption that just because a character is ridiculous they can't be meaningful. (Remember how popular was the idea that Chet was just a joke character that Travis would kill off any day now? That there was no point in getting invested because he was "just a joke"?) Which, I, a person who grew up reading series after series of some of the most utterly ridiculous urban fantasy books out there--and loved them, because UF is a fundamentally absurd genre--loudly disagree with. I often think you can find some of the most profound sentiments in the world buried in utter ridiculousness (what did Brennan say? "Profundity and absurdity are deeply in love"? Because THAT).

I just think people often take the face value of something ridiculous or absurd and never bother to sit with anything deeper about it, and I think that's more what's at play here with Chetney than his physical attractiveness, though I do still think that's an aspect of it. If people take Fearne/Chetney seriously (and I don't mean as some sort of intensely romantic, monogamous couple--we all know they're not that) it means acknowledging that Chetney can be treated seriously as a character with depth and worth in exploring a romantic relationship. And it's so much easier to just keep it surface value and think he's just a randy weirdo shooting shots (and, hopefully, getting shot down. Because who wants their favorite to end up in a relationship with someone they think won't add any depth to the dynamic?)

There is also some ship war stuff happening here, especially in regards to why Chetney is erased from the threesome (keeping him away from Fearne) which is conversely why people really seem to like Chetney/Deanna but also don't create much if any fan content for it (still not engaging with Chetney, but also, hey! At least he's away from Fearne). I won't get into the specifics of it all too much because I think ship wars are unbelievably stupid and I hate the idea of accidentally calling that to me, but I feel like it definitely exists as an undercurrent of Chetney-hate and his erasure from the threesome.

#chetney pock o'pea #asks #anon #critical role #bells hells

[dreamingofthewild]

After that post, I got thinking about Bloodweave again. Specifically the way Gale loves and how he would be just as a good fit for Astarion as Karlach, Wyll, or Halsin.

Gale's devotion to his loved one is absolute. He's a kind-hearted soul— the very reason he could summon Tara. He's willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. In an origin run, he proclaims, "...one wizard for the whole of Faerun seems like a fair trade to me."

Gale may not be your typical storybook prince or hero, but his hopeless romanticism shines through a belief in altruism and selflessness. This is a man who says things like "you put the stars to shame" and "with you, I forget my goddess." His devotion transcends physicality, even embracing a romanced, illithid-infected Tav. No mere 'gosh' escapes him when facing the reality of Durge's Bhaalspawn heritage.

Gale approves of helping people, and two of his mini-romance scenes are after you have saved someone. He can only be manipulated into joining you in an evil playthrough because of the orb in his chest. He is a good man, a good man who cried because he accidentally burnt a neighbours rose bush when he was 8.

His love is rooted in personality, not appearances. Gale values commitment, believing sex is an act of profound connection between body and soul. He's the antithesis of the shallow encounters Astarion's was forced to endure. Gale's steadfastness would have made him an unlikely victim for Astarion's seductions. A fact that annoys me in a Gale origin run, as you should be able to say that you can't have sex like you can in a Karlach origin run.

Astarion would find Gale's authenticity refreshing. He doesn't need to put on an act in front of Gale. In fact, Gale prefers the truth. Gale, ever kind, would even offer to help kill Cazador without asking for anything in return. That's simply who he is.

Astarion needs someone selfless, patient, and understanding – qualities Gale possesses in abundance. A romanced Astarion, in turn, deeply cares for his partner once his masked as slipped, and he realises that he is in love (albeit I haven't played his romance out yet).

He repeatedly encourages Gale to think independently ("Where is Gale's will?") and challenges his self-sacrificial tendencies.

Their bond grows over books and shared interests. Contrary to belief, a romanced Astarion would not want Gale to ascend to Godhood. A romanced Astarion would selfishly want Gale to himself.

I'm convinced Gale offers a fulfilling romance for any companion.

Gale and Wyll are not too different. If one is a good fit for Astarion, then so is the other. And if Astarion is a good fit for one, then he is a good fit for the other.

Saying that Gale is too easily corruptible or morally ambiguous to be "good enough" for Astarion is really doing an injustice to Gale. Gale is kind-hearted and morally sound enough to encourage Astarion to be a better person. Gale is neutral good, just like Wyll is. Gale's actions always have good intentions behind them.

Also, I'm not saying people have to like Bloodweave, but I just understand that there are often deeper reasons people like the ship.

#bg3 #bloodweave #queued post #character analysis #I just think Gale is neat #I could be misremembering but I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Wyll and Gale's characters were inspired by the same character trope #Until they decided to create two different characters #I may write a post about their similarities #bloodweave discussion #As a Galemancer I don't like the implication that Gale wouldn't be good enough for Astarion #I want to tag the characters but I don’t want to annoy people

[the-s1lly-corner]

I love your work so much aaaaaAAAAA!!!

Ok so imma be straightforward, this is straight up me coping with irl stuff and reading your work makes me forget the cruel outside world so HERE WE GO!

Caine and Kinger x S/O who hides who they are out of fear of negative responses. Bottles it all up until they can't handle it anymore. Like, the reader is very much used to being the therapist/caretaker and is often very happy and doesn't hesitate to help others but silently they think rudely of others, holding their tounge constantly and even mutter under their breath about others being annoying. Ofc they don't want others to see who they truly are, in fear of rejection or their worst fear, isolation. They hate this part of themselves, like why do they have these horrible thoughts about others? It even borders on abstraction.

They can only feel comfortable around their partner and try their best not to vent too much but Caine/Kinger can sense something is wrong and even see their S/O glitching a bit and ask what's wrong and say its ok (in their own special ways!) and the reader just finally cracks, and in their glitching voice is sobbing on how much of a terrible person they are and how they deserve to be in this digital hell for being so horrible.

Im so normal about this. And just so it's not so hard to think of a title, I recommend "Caine and Kinger x reader who pretends!" you don't have to use it but it's there!

Unsavory thoughts (Caine and kinger x reader)!

UEAAA THIS GOT BURIED IM SO SO SO SORRY ANON!! I truly did not mean to take this long to get to your request :(

That said I'm so happy to hear that my silly writing has a positive impact on people.. please remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, remember that there are people that care about you

Hands you a glass of juice

I got silly with Caines piece

CAINE:

KINGER:

Between the two it takes him a little while longer to realize that something is wrong with you. I mean hes still trying to learn all these emotions that make people.. human

Absolutely panics when he sees you glitch out. I'm talking his eyes fly out of his jaws as they hang open panic. Rushes to you to see if you're okay... god forbid youre abstracting... maybe he can help ground you, or something?

Listens to you talk, for once the ringmaster is quiet. Rubs your back

You... have mean thoughts about people...?

Is it not okay to dislike people? Is it not reasonable to be irritable in a new environment? Is it not normal to have at least a few terrible thoughts about others? Are you any less worthy of support or love because you're not a ray of sunshine?

Is this not what being human is about?

Of course he wouldnt say it exactly like that, but he would carry the same message, I think. Is what you're experiencing not a natural part of the human experience?

Yes, you can argue that caine is an AI and he has no place to speak on matters like these, but as your partner he wont let you go without comfort and reassurance

He let's you talk and let it all out. I think going forward he makes it a point to make sure you get time alone, and time with him... makes IHAs more "non intrusive" so you can opt out if you dont want to interact with the others

Very accommodating, I think

Unlike caine he catches on really fast that theres something wrong, something even larger than you're letting on. But still, he let's you do your small but rare vents... until he returns to you after briefly taking some time away from you for one reason or another to find you having a melt down. He thinks you're abstracting, and you probably are. Honestly I can see kinger doing the grounding technique (the 5 sense thing) and he tries to guide you through it to help calm you down enough to pull yourself together just enough to stabilize. Listens to your word vomit as you spill your guts out to him. While I domt think he would be as.. profound as caine... he carries a comfort only sweet old people can possess. And it calms you down. It's not an immediate solution, but its comforting nonetheless. He let's you sleep in his arms. He goes on to stand between you and others to try to keep you from getting too irritated or overwhelmed by the others; however he will stand to the side if you ask him to

Very protective of you but even more so after this

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #kinger x reader

[not-poignant]

hi! this is “better aspects” anon!! i’ve given your reply a lot of thought, because i think i just really appreciated how academic efnisien was and how he continued to cultivate his knowledge in constellations and thought that him going out of his way to do that was an admirable aspect that i thought even a person like crielle could respect, and wanted to know if that was a factor in her continuing to raise him because that would have been a relatively “better” factor than the other reasons she continued to raise him for (like seeing a murderer in him i guess), though i guess she could’ve seen that and thought of ways he could use it to be a murderer. (and i won’t even defend mentioning “beauty” there because there is no defense i might have just been running my mouth/hands?)

anyway, your reply was food for thought for days for me. and it really challenged how i thought about things, and i found out how much i’ve been ‘tiering’ the world in unfair ways unconsciously, and i hope awareness will be the first step in changing that. so thank you!! and since this is an ask box i might as well ask: have you ever leaned toward an educational role? i think not only your reply has explained an alternative way of thinking clearly but in your fics too. and i wonder if you’d ever write a non-fic about kink one day? i really respect and appreciate all your work even more so now!

Hi hi anon!

A big thing here is just that Crielle doesn't really recognise Efnisien as a fully three-dimensional human being and she doesn't really want him to be one anyway, and she gets annoyed when he shows a capacity for that.

If he's not existing for her, doing things for her, slaving away for her, worshipping her, anticipating her needs, and sublimating his entire existence for her, suffering for her, begging for her mercy and love, and crying for her, she's not interested.

When Efnisien cultivated his knowledge outside of Crielle and not for Crielle, he was punished for it. When he showed an interest in things that had nothing to do with her, he was punished for it. If he showed any sign of independent thought that she couldn't use, find useful, find entertaining (like him tormenting Gwyn, or learning to play piano), then he was punished for it.

In fact Crielle is the one who canonically tells Efnisien to only do accounting at university, so that he flies under the radar so he could more successfully be a criminal and/or serial killer. She literally squashes his academic talent and curiosity, to a point where he has to get straight A's but not dream of doing anything that's not directly connected to her. As a result, he doesn't know what his dreams are by the time he sees Dr Gary, because he's not allowed to have any to belong to him and he's still literally learning how to be a person, because Crielle didn't want him to be a person.

It's often hard for people to understand Crielle if you've never (knowingly) met anyone like her. But people who see other people as objects, dolls, and empty spaces to fill with their own desires exist, and they do not admire independence, free will, or a person making choices beyond their control.

Crielle loved Efnisien most when he was trying to perfectly do everything she wanted automatically, and she loved him least when he was trying to be a person with his own personality.

You and me, anon, we get to appreciate the things about him that Crielle tried to destroy, or found tedious or annoying, or found a good reason to punish or torture him over. We get to cheer him on in therapy when he realises he likes working for an anthropologist, and when he researches different subjects on his own, and when he finally realises he can leave a job he doesn't like.

Efnisien's profound learned helplessness comes from someone with no capacity to appreciate Efnisien when he wasn't being a two-dimensional sycophant, and so we get to cheer on every moment he finds things out for himself, or asks questions, or learns more about the world. In a way, we get to go on that journey with him, and be proud of him at the same time that Dr Gary is, or smile at him at the same time that Arden does, or feel vindicated when Gwyn finally notices that Efnisien isn't just what Crielle turned him into.

Crielle never respected Efnisien in general. She only respected him in moments, and only when he was most like her, and most reflecting her desires for him. But an adult who sexually molests a child does not respect that child. She never believed in his rights or his right to personhood.

There's nothing Efnisien could have done to win that, even if he did do everything perfectly, unless he like spectacularly killed 50 people or something, and then she'd never speak to him again to protect herself, and probably admire him from afar, an imprisoned statue that she'd probably try and send little coded love letters too, which was probably part of her twisted fantasy in the first place.

Abandonment was high on the cards for Efnisien whether he got everything right, or tried to be a person and therefore got everything wrong. This is something Dr Gary knows. And it's something Efnisien will take a long time to realise for himself, because it will hurt him so much when he does. There was never an outcome where they could have been happy together, because she didn't want it.

Anyway the tl;dr is that sadly Crielle had some major issues seeing people as people and felt so entitled to Efnisien that any qualities or traits he possessed that weren't directly in service to her (with her approval) all went in the 'nope do not approve' list.

have you ever leaned toward an educational role?

This is so sweet of you anon. I sadly think I wouldn't be a great teacher because I get impatient and because I can really struggle to articulate my thoughts sometimes outside of stories. I think that's why I have to write these very long and rambling responses, and I don't think most teachers need this many words to say 'Crielle's a psychopath' sdlkfjas :D

In all seriousness, I really like sharing things through my writing. It frees me from having to get everything 'right' because it's fiction, and it allows people to engage with it on any level they want to. I'm really lucky that I can share some of my research and thoughts, and also some of a character's thoughts (I don't agree with the way all my characters think and in all the things they believe), and that a reader can sort of...I guess pick up what they need at the time?

As for kink, there are far fare better people suited to that! I'm not saying that to be modest, but like, a rope friend of mine has literally put thousands of hours just into studying and learning about kinbaku and semenawa (shibari/rope) and even she doesn't feel qualified to teach it. There's so much around physical safety and also communicating compassionately and with openness that I think would be really difficult. It's hard to capture a lot of that in books (and maybe secretly I think it's more fun to not have to be focused on safety in my writing in the same way lol)

Plus it gets to be entertaining and fun and sometimes relaxing or painful or cathartic and I guess that's something I really...feel strongly about? That's important to me in a different kind of way I think?

Honestly you're awesome for just giving a different perspective a try, I really struggle to do that, it's hard to sometimes be like 'oh this thing I used to think / currently think is maybe not how I always want to keep thinking about it.' Just the other day I realised something I thought about owning cats was actually incorrect and it was like 'oh whoops' lol. But it's the only way we keep growing. And it's cool that you're doing it!

#asks and answers #personal #falling falling stars #crielle ferch fnwy #efnisien ap wledig #pia on characterisation #the beauty + intelligence thing = good is something so entrenched in us anon #a lot of people think this way #and most people never get opportunities to challenge it because sadly like #the beauty industry is invested in making you constantly believe beauty is good #so you keep paying money to look beautiful #(i mean obviously most of us want to look beautiful or handsome or attractive or pretty) #(it's just that) #(it doesn't say anything about us and there are people who will like us regardless) #i had another thought to add here but i forgot it #hope you have a good weekend anon

[donnerpartyofone]

When I read the Marie Kondo book, I was struck by her remark that people who cannot keep their dwellings tidy have often lacked a strong sense of ownership in their lives, of their own places and possessions. This made perfect sense to me; I mean to some degree she's talking about people whose parents always cleaned up after them, which is certainly not my case, but it's definitely true that I have never had a well-developed sense of anything being mine. Even when I was little I was intensely aware that all material things were just breaking down and slipping through my fingers, and maybe I shouldn't get too attached to anything because the heartbreak would kill me. Also I never felt like a real authority in my own life, as if my only importance was relative to other people (specifically, whether I was annoying or inconveniencing or even disgusting someone like, say, my mother). Also the world simply seemed overwhelming and like a place where I would never have authorial power of any kind.

Keeping my room clean was a relentless and unresolved problem until I finally left home for college. In college (a place I really didn't belong) I was neat to the degree that I didn't want to offend my roommates, although I sometimes had roommates who were just as depressed and disorganized as I was, then I was really out of hand. When things got seriously bad for me mentally, I took a semester off in Portland, Maine. There I kept my room like a monk's cell, sweeping the floor every day, making my bed, and generally showing a lot of respect for my surroundings. I loved Portland and although I didn't live alone, it often felt like I did, and I also didn't have any real friends, which may have given me a rare feeling of sovereignty that resulted in my increased organization and cleanliness. When my family visited, they expressed so much astonishment at the state of things that it made me feel embarrassed and angry. It's not great to be told so emphatically that no one can even imagine you taking care of anything, and that it seems like some sort of absurd miracle when you do.

I was pretty messy again when I moved to New York City. Renting crummy apartments all the time doesn't really inspire feelings of respectful stewardship, although I did vacillate between extreme disorder and urgent cleaning episodes. I had never imagined myself in NYC, but I didn't know what else to do with myself besides move in with my dad for a while and try to figure things out. At least I hadn't gone home to my grimy, weird upstate home town, somewhere I never quite belonged; of course I'm marked deeply by the place just because I grew up there, but even among friends I could never really be myself without people assuming I was "just kidding" or something. Some people were very upset that I drifted off on my own, even years later, which I could find complimentary, but the message I got was that I must have thought I was too good for the town and everyone in it and so I went to "live my dreams" in the big city, which is really not a fair or accurate description of what happened to me at all. I never developed a feeling of patriotism for my home, and I also never felt patriotic about New York City; it was just easier for me to be there, at least in some dimensions.

A guy I'll call my ex-boyfriend for convenience, even though it's not a very good description of the relationship (one of my best friends in high school who I tried, disastrously, to date during college before we inevitably drifted apart), was always passionate about our home. I think when you have had a reasonably happy childhood and your teenage years were an exciting daily adventure, then it's easy to love where you grew up. I recently saw a Facebook post from him describing a big civic event (festival? with maybe a political angle?) with the most profound affection for all of the townsfolk, it was beautiful to see the place through his eyes for a moment even though I never experienced what he felt the whole time I lived there. On the other hand, I still keep in touch with one like-minded friend from high school, and although she also moved away she often sends me news items from our home about, like, bullies we used to know who became local politicians and are now in hot water for corruption, or like the major crisis that struck when a gigantic murder of crows came to roost and painted the entire town in bird shit for months on end (I actually don't even know whether this is over or not). Now THAT'S the place I know.

One day I was saying something to my father about my chronic sense of placelessness, and he said, "I know, you'd probably be happy just living in a bucket." I had repeated this to the ex-boyfriend, and he laughed out loud and made a physical gesture that suggested me coiled up in the bottom of a bucket like a snake, glaring up defensively. STAY OUT OF MY BUCKET! I just remembered this and repeated it to my husband, who also laughed out loud at the accuracy of this assessment. It's nice to feel understood, to know that multiple generations of men in my life automatically understand my bucket-dwelling quality.

My husband also moved to the city after school, and he is immensely proud of his many years in Brooklyn. He has a big map of the borough covering one thigh. He knows lots of different neighborhoods well, votes religiously, respects the older generations of our neighbors, cares what happens to the people here. I admire his depth of feeling, even though I can only relate to the part about respecting your surroundings and the people who were there first. The only time I was struck with a powerful sense of belonging was when we moved in together on the border of Red Hook, and began to explore that neighborhood. Red Hook is unusual because it is inaccessible by subway, which is surely part of why it has such a distinct personality. It's basically a tough, gritty little port town, shady and overgrown, with an extremely diverse population that intermingles working class families with rugged artist types. The first time I ever saw it, I was taking a bus at night to some other unfamiliar part of town, and I could see into the open doors of bars and restaurants on the main drag; it looked so beautiful to me, like some forgotten little burgh somewhere that could not possibly have been part of Brooklyn. I probably knew right then, more than a decade ago, that I wanted to live there. When my husband and I moved in next door (around ten years ago in April), I'll never forget the first day we decided to explore the place. We found ourselves sitting in a bar converted from an old bait shop (I once saw someone reach into the mouth of a mounted bass and pull out a cigarette; he explained that it was like a take-a-penny leave-a-penny community thing, and "You never know what brand you're gonna get!") that was covered from floor to ceiling in taxidermy and obscene tchotchkes. I remember sitting by the window staring out at the dusty main drag and passively thinking, "I'm home. I belong here." We eventually had our wedding reception there, having been given brilliant advice on where to have it by the owner of that same bar.

I know that part of the reason I like it so much is that it does actually remind me of my home town, which is extremely perverse of me. The grit, the pleasant shabbiness, the mix of blue collar stoicism and starving artist-ness. It's all so familiar, and sometimes you can become attached to things that are familiar even if they are not connected originally to happiness. They're part of what you know, what you're an expert of, what made you into yourself. I would never move back home (I just told my husband that if I had to for some dire reason I would immediately turn into a scary witch on the outskirts of town), I don't think it was a "great place to grow up" based on my own experience, but now that I have the distance I appreciate it in some way, a way I can only call "perverse". Apparently it has begun to turn into a chic, arty getaway for NYC expats, and every time I run into someone in the city who explains to me how "cool" the place is, I want to turn inside out. It's untrue! Becoming "cool" to those people is the least cool thing that could possibly happen to it! Suddenly I want to rush to its defense and shout down all these accusations of boho hepness. If you think that town is "cool" you're wrong, and you don't belong there, and you should STAY THE FUCK OUT. (I mean don't actually stay out, I'm sure you're great for the local economy, but you're still WRONG)

Anyway. Finally Red Hook is about to become my home for-real. Ever since we signed the lease, it has been calling to me, I want to go there every day even though I don't have anything to do and I'll soon be there all the time. I think I'll live pretty differently once I'm there, with my newfound feeling of ownership. Now I just have to figure out where I can get one of the bumper stickers that we saw the first time we visited, at the famous key lime pie place that was covered in signs and stickers featuring ornery slogans such as:

WELCOME TO RED HOOK

YOU MADE IT. NOW--GIT!

[doubledyke]

Im picking at random: 16, 22, 8, 7, 4 9

Thank you for humoring me!! Again, all of these thoughts are in regards to EddEddy as adults, obviously. Except maybe the first one I guess.

4. Describe their first kiss.

I haven't given this one much thought, weirdly enough. I don't have a specific timeline in my mind about how they end up getting together or any specific scenarios, really. I imagine they would have their first actual kiss in late high school. I think Edd initiates it and Eddy gets super freaked out because of how much it affects him. It sends him into a spiral about his sexuality and he starts to feel super awkward around Edd for a while. Edd also feels awkward but only because he's worried he did something to upset Eddy - Edd accepted and understood his sexuality from a young age I'd imagine. I do, however, also really liked sweeteggy's depiction in their nanomango comic from wayyyyy back in the day where Edd and Sarah are dating, break up and he and Eddy share a kiss for the first time as adults. I'm cool with whatever, I suppose.

7. I did answer this one previously. Thanks nonetheless!

8. What do they like least about each other?

Hoooooo boy. Eddy can't stand how aloof Edd can be at times. I think it takes Edd a long time to adjust to actually living with someone, and despite his polite and caring disposition, he is pretty self-centered. I think Eddy lacks the patience that's required to deal with someone who has severe anxiety and OCD, so at first, he is easily annoyed when Edd has his moments and he ends up doing more harm than good. In fact he probably gets a little creeped out when he and Edd begin living together and he sees some of Edd's weird behaviors for the first time. I also think Edd is prone to bouts of depression and tends to isolate himself, maybe without even realizing. Eddy doesn't know how to handle it in any way other than becoming annoyed and/or blaming himself. Eventually of course, he knows the signs and what to look for when Edd starts displaying certain behaviors.

Edd's favorite thing about Eddy is also the thing that brings him the most grief in a way (how profound 🧐). He appreciates that Eddy speaks his mind and takes charge, but can't stand his stubbornness and how quick he is to anger. When Eddy gets angry, he's inconsolable. It scares Edd. Eddy is irrational and impulsive (moreso than normal) when he's angry, and Edd doesn't know how to help. His logical approach just makes Eddy angrier. "Why don't you use your faggy psychology on yourself then, huh?" They're both super sensitive in their own ways and the arguments are plentiful in their early relationship. But as with any normal functioning adults (ha) in relationships, you learn more about each other, grow as people and eventually find ways to help, redirect and console each other in ways that actually work. Especially once they claw out of their angsty teen/young adult stage.

9. Similar to what I just yapped about for 40 minutes, I'd say it's still the differences in their personalities. Bickering is like flirting for them. Like it just gets them going for some reason. So they can argue about nearly anything, and it's usually only half serious. I guess on a real note, I do think that they'd run into some actual issues when Edd is in school/just starting his career. Kind of plays back into him being aloof. He'd become so preoccupied with his education or job that he and Eddy's relationship might begin to suffer as a result. He doesn't even realize it, or justifies it to himself because he's knows it's for the best in the long run. Eddy eventually explodes over something minor and Edd has to really pry for Eddy to tell him what the hell is wrong. Similar to your tattoo fic! But probably overly dramatic in my retelling, lmao.

16. What kind of couple's vacations and getaways do they prefer?

Something gay and tropical, I would imagine. Despite the fact that Eddy does not tan, he loves to pretend like he's getting some color (that color being red). They'd probably go on lgbt cruises and would love to go on road trips as well. I think all 3 Eds would try to keep a tradition of yearly cross country road trips. Outside of the occasional cruise and road trip, I can't think of anything that they'd specifically enjoy as a couple.

22. Describe the wedding.

Oof. Well, we all had some discourse around this topic already. I agree that they'd probably hold out on marriage until they're semi-geezers. And in that scenario, I think they might actually go all out. Huge ceremony, huge reception. All the bells and whistles for a couple of veteran gays. Ed is the only person in the wedding party, and plays mediator between the gagging grooms. Edd lets go of any hopes he might have had about a simple, down-played wedding and lets Eddy handle all of the creative details. He handles the seating chart, the cost breakdown, the schedule, the invitations, etc. I'm half tempted to say that a couple weeks before the wedding, Eddy decides that it's too much to think about and begins insisting they just elope in Vegas instead.

Thanks again for asking! My brain is fried from training for my new job, but this was a fun little distraction from my plight 🥴

#text

[stoicbreviary]

Xenophon, Memorabilia of Socrates 27 

At another time the differences between two brothers named Chaerephon and Chaerecrates, both well known to him, had drawn his attention; and on seeing the younger of the two he thus addressed him. 

Socrates: "Tell me, Chaerecrates, you are not, I take it, one of those strange people who believe that goods are better and more precious than a brother; and that too although the former are but senseless chattels which need protection, the latter is a sensitive and sensible being who can afford it; and what is more, he is himself alone, whilst as for them their name is legion. 

"And here again is a marvelous thing: that a man should count his brother a loss, because the goods of his brother are not his; but he does not count his fellow-citizens loss, and yet their possessions are not his; only it seems in their case he has wits to see that to dwell securely with many and have enough is better than to own the whole wealth of a community and to live in dangerous isolation; but this same doctrine as applied to brothers they ignore. 

"Again, if a man have the means, he will purchase domestic slaves, because he wants assistants in his work; he will acquire friends, because he needs their support; but this brother of his—who cares about brothers? It seems a friend may be discovered in an ordinary citizen, but not in a blood relation who is also a brother. 

"And yet it is a great vantage-ground towards friendship to have sprung from the same loins and to have been suckled at the same breasts, since even among beasts a certain natural craving, and sympathy springs up between creatures reared together. Added to which, a man who has brothers commands more respect from the rest of the world than the man who has none, and who must fight his own battles." 

Chaerecrates: "I daresay, Socrates, where the differences are not profound, reason would a man should bear with his brother, and not avoid him for some mere trifle's sake, for a brother of the right sort is, as you say, a blessing; but if he be the very antithesis of that, why should a man lay his hand to achieve the impossible? "

Socrates: "Well now, tell me, is there nobody whom Chaerephon can please any more than he can please yourself; or do some people find him agreeable enough?" 

Chaerecrates: "Nay, there you hit it. That is just why I have a right to detest him. He can be pleasing enough to others, but to me, whenever he appears on the scene, he is not a blessing—no! but by every manner of means the reverse." 

Socrates: "May it not happen that just as a horse is no gain to the inexpert rider who essays to handle him, so in like manner, if a man tries to deal with his brother after an ignorant fashion, this same brother will kick?" 

Chaerecrates: "But is it likely now? How should I be ignorant of the art of dealing with my brother if I know the art of repaying kind words and good deeds in kind? But a man who tries all he can to annoy me by word and deed, I can neither bless nor benefit, and, what is more, I will not try." 

Socrates: "Well now, that is a marvelous statement, Chaerecrates. Your dog, the serviceable guardian of your flocks, who will fawn and lick the hand of your shepherd, when you come near him can only growl and show his teeth. Well; you take no notice of the dog's ill-temper, you try to propitiate him by kindness; but your brother? 

"If your brother were what he ought to be, he would be a great blessing to you—that you admit; and, as you further confess, you know the secret of kind acts and words, yet you will not set yourself to apply means to make him your best of friends."

Chaerecrates: "I am afraid, Socrates, that I have no wisdom or cunning to make Chaerephon bear himself towards me as he should."

Socrates: "Yet there is no need to apply any recondite or novel machinery. Only bait your hook in the way best known to yourself, and you will capture him; whereupon he will become your devoted friend."

Chaerecrates: "If you are aware that I know some love-charm, Socrates, of which I am the happy but unconscious possessor, pray make haste and enlighten me." 

Socrates: "Answer me then. Suppose you wanted to get some acquaintance to invite you to dinner when he next keeps holy day, what steps would you take?"

Chaerecrates: "No doubt I should set him a good example by inviting him myself on a like occasion." 

Socrates: "And if you wanted to induce some friend to look after your affairs during your absence abroad, how would you achieve your purpose?"  

Chaerecrates: "No doubt I should present a precedent in undertaking to look after his in like circumstances." 

Socrates: "And if you wished to get some foreign friend to take you under his roof while visiting his country, what would you do?"

Chaerecrates: "No doubt I should begin by offering him the shelter of my own roof when he came to Athens, in order to enlist his zeal in furthering the objects of my visit; it is plain I should first show my readiness to do as much for him in a like case."  

Socrates: "Why, it seems you are an adept after all in all the philters known to man, only you chose to conceal your knowledge all the while; or is it that you shrink from taking the first step because of the scandal you will cause by kindly advances to your brother? 

"And yet it is commonly held to redound to a man's praise to have outstripped an enemy in mischief or a friend in kindness. Now if it seemed to me that Chaerephon were better fitted to lead the way towards this friendship, I should have tried to persuade him to take the first step in winning your affection, but now I am persuaded the first move belongs to you, and to you the final victory."

Chaerecrates: "A startling announcement, Socrates, from your lips, and most unlike you, to bid me the younger take precedence of my elder brother. Why, it is contrary to the universal custom of mankind, who look to the elder to take the lead in everything, whether as a speaker or an actor." 

Socrates: "How so? Is it not the custom everywhere for the younger to step aside when he meets his elder in the street and to give him place? Is he not expected to get up and offer him his seat, to pay him the honour of a soft couch, to yield him precedence in argument?

"My good fellow, do not stand shilly-shallying,  but put out your hand caressingly, and you will see the worthy soul will respond at once with alacrity. Do you not note your brother's character, proud and frank and sensitive to honour? He is not a mean and sorry rascal to be caught by a bribe—no better way indeed for such riff-raff. No! gentle natures need a finer treatment. You can best hope to work on them by affection."

Chaerecrates: "But suppose I do, and suppose that, for all my attempts, he shows no change for the better?"

Socrates: "At the worst you will have shown yourself to be a good, honest, brotherly man, and he will appear as a sorry creature on whom kindness is wasted. But nothing of the sort is going to happen, as I conjecture. My belief is that as soon as he hears your challenge, he will embrace the contest; pricked on by emulous pride, he will insist upon getting the better of you in kindness of word and deed.

"At present you two are in the condition of two hands formed by God to help each other, but which have let go their business and have turned to hindering one another all they can. You are a pair of feet fashioned on the Divine plan to work together, but which have neglected this in order to trammel each other's gait."

"Now is it not insensate stupidity to use for injury what was meant for advantage? And yet in fashioning two brothers God intends them, methinks, to be of more benefit to one another than either two hands, or two feet, or two eyes, or any other of those pairs which belong to man from his birth. 

"Consider how powerless these hands of ours if called upon to combine their action at two points more than a single fathom's length apart; and these feet could not stretch asunder even a bare fathom; and these eyes, for all the wide-reaching range we claim for them, are incapable of seeing simultaneously the back and front of an object at even closer quarters. But a pair of brothers, linked in bonds of amity, can work each for the other's good, though seas divide them." 

—from Xenophon, Memorabilia 2.3 

IMAGE: Marcus Gheeraerts the Younger, Portrait of Two Brothers (1586) 

#stoicism #xenophon #socrates #philosophy

[acrossthewavesoftime]

5, 14, 22 for the ask! :)

Ahoi, my friend! :)

5. TV show of the year? I'm very bad with modern TV shows and barely watch any, though this year's highlights would be Derry Girls and season 2 of Luxembourgish crime drama Capitani for me.

That said, kind online friends introduced me to The Prince Regent and The First Churchills, which are very much vintage television, but range among my favourites.

...Look at these perfectly functional, happy families! Sure what could go wrong?

14. Favorite book you read this year? In the way of pleasure- or leisure time reading, my personal discovery of the year was Marjorie Bowen, a versatile, yet largely forgotten fiction and history (and sometimes, historical fiction) writer of the early 20th century whose take on William of Orange in her triology on him captivated me.

To preface my little essay on why I like Bowen's books, I did not go into them with a favourable opinion of the man, and was pleasantly surprised that, contrary to my expectation, I did not find a British nationalist glorification of a historical figure, but a surprisingly profound character study.

I was particularly astonished by the first novel, I Will Maintain, which does not have a romantic plotline and leaves the readers in a moral quandary as the main character's political adversaries, the power struggle with whom is at the centre of the plot, are portrayed as reasonable, likeable people with similar goals, yet entirely different ideas.

Another aspect I enjoy about Bowen's writing and her take on William of Orange in particular is that she lets him be just a main character; he certainly is not a Good Guy (on the contrary, his short temper, self-importance and absolutely tone deaf behaviour towards people he considers less intelligent than himself, which quite frankly is almost everyone, cause him to come across as annoying and almost childish at times), but he is no tragi-glorious Byronic hero, either.

It's a well-researched, three-part character study that focusses on a man, his ambition, and the price he pays for it without moralising or pushing any political agendas of its day (if the notes in my copy by a reader of the 1910s are anything to go by, at least some appear to have been disappointed to have been served an asthmatic, scrawny young man who throws toddler-esque hissy fits over being handed the wrong pair of gloves rather than a dashing hero).

Altogether well-researched with only few nit-picky errors in the historical framework that are entirely forgiveable considering the time of writing and the amount of work that must have been behind setting the historical perimetres faithfully, I also applaud Bowen's skill of writing a main character whose chronic illness features in a way that feels authentic without letting the illness take on a the part of a character of its own.

All things considered, I would love for contemporary historical fiction (a genre I've grown to avoid reading) to take a few leaves out of Bowen's books! It would be great to see more non-romance historical fiction on the market, and greater (faithful!) representation of chronic illness and disabilities for a start, not to speak of main characters who're not morally untouchable.

22. Favorite place you visited this year? You and your spouse appear to have the same taste in questions- I answered this one already! :-)

#asks #ask game #ask reply #benjhawkins #r rambles

[amaurotine]

ok ykw. i AM making a separate post about this.

as an asexual homoromantic who sometimes teases his friends, i find it a little irritating that everybody IMMEDIATELY interprets hyth's playful teasing/banter as flirting and horniness at default. as it’s something that’s strongly subject to interpretation, i can understand perfectly why people interpret it this way (after all, he does call hades handsome, but that’s all of once? and overall his banter often carries a bit of a teasing tone to it, although that in and of itself may not necessarily be flirtatious. like. you can find someone attractive without actually flirting with them?? you can find someone attractive without wanting to **** them or being in love with them? and say things that you objectively find to be true without really intending to compliment or even flirt?? idk how to explain this.) and to be fair, i think a lot of this interpretation comes utilizing that bit from the cutscene expressly for the sake of facilitating hythades or hythazem ships (and again, i do enjoy these ships WHEN DONE PROPERLY), but part of my issue with that is that i feel like not enough people realize that characters exist as individuals (or SHOULD exist as individuals) within their stories independently from ships and interactions. thus, i’m very iffy on this being such a defining aspect of his character wrt my own portrayal. i guess i just feel annoyed and alienated by the assumed horniness because people irl constantly assume i'm flirting when i tease them, and asexual homoromantic people have literally no representation and face constant erasure, and even non-ace homoromantic people can tease each other without necessarily being flirty, and my god nobody seems to understand how mlm relationships actually work outside of these weird inaccurate streamlined milquetoast fetishistic ass situations that apparently live rent-free in everyone’s heads, but yknow. 

and although i don't hc him as quite the same sexuality as me, my point remains. interpreting everybody who engages in teasing banter toward their friends as “oh they must be flirting with me/horny for me” also reflects a profound lack of understanding of the nuance that exists within communication and intention (although you can’t always know someone’s intention, you should be going into any interaction prepared to consider that whoever you’re interacting with may have multiple reasons for behaving the way they do), and quite often in terms of irl, the viewpoint stems from people being extremely self-centered, like they think this way because they genuinely hope that someone is teasing with them because they're actually flirting with them which then becomes ok, they ARE flirting with me and that’s why they’re teasing me, which. sorry but everything isn't about you, jan. and that’s another thing -- a lot of people don’t realize that even irl, we choose to do things for multiple reasons? like everybody loves to define decision making in the most simplest way possible and wrt writing fiction, i find that approach to be both boring and even unrealistic in some cases.

#✿:ﾟ* 𝑀𝒰𝒩 𝒞𝐻𝒜𝒯𝒯𝐸𝑅 . #rant // #maybe i've just Seen Too Much on here and on twtr #but sometimes i genuinely feel like the only person who gives a shit about depicting m/m relationships accurately #and not reducing them to streamlined stereotypes or fetishistic f//ujoshi fodder #rant cw

[siflshonen]

Am I the only person who gets annoyed when people say bkg getting treated as vegeta and they have never even read dbz or db and treat vegeta as someone we should look down on dragon ball isn’t perfect anyone can see that but vegeta is a great character and his arc is and what he overcame is amazing but I see this all the time

My short answer: No, you are not the only person who finds that annoying.

I find it very annoying when people talk about Vegeta in depth when they don't really know him or the series; I find it very annoying when people think Vegeta's arc is the single worst or most problematic thing about Dragonball. Speaking as someone with Piccolo and Gohan (usually it's one of the two of them, anyway) alternating as my favorite character, I think Vegeta is great, particularly given the nature of the series he is in. He won the hearts of the audience for a reason.

But most of all, I find it very annoying when people say Bakugo is "just" the Vegeta. I think the two characters share notable similarities, which was Horikoshi's intention as I've explained in my Bakugo Presentation 2.0, but I think framing him as "just" the Vegeta completely misses the point of what Horikoshi has done with Bakugo's character as well as the other main characters of the series. He's mixed and matched different standard shonen roles in different characters and Bakugo is a primary example of it.

In particular, Bakugo isn't just the "early shonen antagonist of the week" that became popular enough to stick around in the series for longer than expected before gaining his own redemption. Katsuki was meant to stick around and learn to love and be loved from the start.

Just because Vegeta and Bakugo's growth both happen to involve a "small step" and realization of something fundamental to the human experience doesn't make them copies of one another. It also doesn't automatically make the crux of their arcs any less profound.

#vegeta #dbz #dragonball #bnha #bakugo #also people who like dbz but don't like vegeta don't like camp and don't like fun #ask #thanks for the ask!

[beefmastersblog]

Eden of the East (final episodes)

Contrary to popular opinion in this blog, I actually really liked Eden of the East. I thought the main characters were cute, and I liked the anime's exploration of certain social and political issues. It did remind me a little of Mirai Nikki, but the main guy in this show actually had a personality, and the main girl wasn't as annoying.

The second half of the show really shocked me. I didn't want to think that Takizawa was a terrorist, and it was very interesting to find out that he was actually the reason there were no casualties when the missiles struck. I thought it really showed his character that he was willing to be painted as a terrorist and hated by the group of people he worked hard to save in order to keep them safe and to protect Japan. I also liked the way he got all of the NEETs and gave them an opportunity to make real change in the world. I think that is especially important because these are the people that society looks down on, but they ended up being the ones to save everyone in the final episode. I also think that last episode was trying to drive home the point that no one person can change the world. Takizawa was only able to stop the missile attacks because he had the 20,000 NEETs with their wide array of knowledge to help him. I think that was a beautiful message and I was really impressed with how the show managed to make that scene so powerful.

I also enjoyed looking at what "saving Japan" means to all of the different Selacao. Whether it be killing the bad men of this world, starting a hospital to protect the elderly, or bombing Japan to create a new world order, all of the Selacao had their own beliefs about what was right or wrong, even though some of them may have had rather extreme ones. I think that this was a great way to explore the different types of ideologies that exist in this world, and what it would actually mean if we put that power in the hands of so many different people.

On the topic of different ideologies, the way number 10 fully believed that he was in the right for destroying Japan and murdering people was very shocking. I understand that his background may cause him to think a certain way, especially with watching his parents get overworked, but such extreme methods won't actually bring about any meaningful change. This reminds me a lot of extremists who fully believe in their ideology and are willing to do whatever it takes to get the result that they want, that they don't care how many people they have to harm to do it. I also don't understand why the Supporter didn't come kill him if he is a literal terrorist and not doing any good. He could have just as easily spent that money to implement a new program into the government or society. But strange people will be strange, I guess.

Overall, I liked this show. I enjoyed the relationship between Takizawa and Saki, and I liked Pants as well. I thought the messages of the show were very profound and the show had a fun ending that tied back to Saki looking for a prince in the beginning.

[pen-observing]

Hi! If you will have any inspiration about this

What do you think would be little things that brothers would bring you as courting you? As like birds or penguins with rocks and sticks?

Thank you 💜

sjdaj this was fun! i did have an image of lucifer bringing feathers as a meme in my mind for a sec

what the brothers bring you while courting you/wanting to impress you:

Lucifer:

He is what many would consider to be a classic idea of a man. Tall, dark, handsome with refined taste. Because of this he tries to be refined in what he brings you as well. Why should you two not share such traits?

Lucifer because of this relies on the extravagant, classic choices. Most of all – jewelry.

Rings, necklaces, bracelets – everything he sees while out on an errand that catches his eye.

He also tries to match some items with you. He has a golden pen, why shouldn’t you have one as well?

However, one thing that gets in his way is that: no matter how strong his impulse to buy or obtain rare jewels is – he cannot always give them to you.

He overthinks it.

‘if I give them two rings two weeks in a row, would that be too much? Would they then spend money to buy an outfit that matches it? Would the gifts lose their meaning if I don’t space them out? If I continue to give them so many gifts, they would feel responsible to return them so they would spend more money on me and we both know that I am the one who has more money so--’

All these thoughts come to him. Sometimes Lucifer even thinks that your pride would be hurt if he gives you jewels so often.

He tries not to go overboard but he knows that there is a whole desk drawer of little boxes just waiting for the right time to go to you.

Mammon:

No matter how much Mammon may chase gold and sparkles – he is no Lucifer and there is no way that he can just rely on jewels.

Sure, on very special occasions he manages to surprise you with them and that does make it more meaningful.

Mammon puts aside everything else and actually gets a job whenever your birthday is close.

So what else could be bring you?

He is well aware of how birds bring branches or rocks – how sometimes they even spend so much time flying high above and continuously dropping walnuts for others on the road until they crack. His approach is similar.

When you have issues or need to open something – he always offers himself.

It is a bit silly but being there for someone counts.

Besides this – every trinket that he sees somehow ends up in your room

Plushies, fun masks, nail polish that matches his, a leaf that fell in his hair while he was sleeping under a tree and dreamt of you.

He also brings postcards, magazines, photos you might enjoy.

Once he brought you a heart shaped stone and bragged about how his keen eye managed to observe it in the clean river!

Something in every corner of your room will be adjacent to him.

“What if I brought you branches?” “What?” “Nothing!”

He just wanted to ask!

Leviathan:

Lucifer is impulsive in buying just one thing, Levi, however, is impulsive all around.

And that impulsivity goes in many directions.

He is able to use and calculate all his Akuzon points to make sure that you get 10 products instead of just 1.

He takes it very, very seriously.

Sometimes he buys you way too many snacks, other times he orders 5 costumes

Often his courting relies on the thought; what if we shared this!

His mind says that the more you have in common the better match you are.

This is why he brings matching keychains or slippers or even computer backgrounds and mousepads.

He still knows that ‘matching’ does not fully count but it really warms his heart when he sees that you are willing to share and indulge in those small things that would not really matter to others.

It gives him a confidence boost and reassures him that you are in fact open to him.

However, something still has to be yours alone.

Yours alone, from his hands and he needs to make sure of that.

Levi does bring you pearls like penguins do.

And he did in fact spend a long time underwater making sure he brings the best ones.

Just... never show him the video that trended of a female penguin cheating on her partner in the human world.

Satan:

Satan, no matter how much he tries to deny it, is in many ways similar to Lucifer.

He might dress the way he does but he tries to be a classic gentleman in this regard.

He does bring jewelry too – however he never brings it without a deeper, more profound reason.

‘so what if this ring is rare? What does it matter to them? Nothing.’

He has to hear you say it is very pretty to give it to you.

The necklace needs to remind him of your eyes or he is not buying it at all.

Because of this – he is very picky so few gifts are of this nature.

What else does he bring?

Satan writes you notes all the time.

Sometimes they are there to remind you of water or meals, other times they are short quotes.

In fact, he brings you annotated books; lines that remind him of you; quotes of feelings he knows thanks to you.

He brings you parts of himself and looks for parts of you in everything.

This is his idea of courting.

And don’t be surprised to get letters (wax made by him) under your door even if you live close by.

Asmodeus:

Unlike the others, Asmo has no problems with giving you whatever his own impulse says to.

Why should he hide these 2 perfumes that he bought thinking of you and wait for 3 weeks to present them to you?

No, do it right then and there because your heart felt the love or do not do it at all!

Because of this, his impulse costs a lot. Only second to Lucifer.

Asmo wants to give you luxurious things but he knows that jewelry alone can get boring rather fast and is limited by time and fashion and practicality etc.

So he gives you luxury in everything.

New lines of fragrance are yours as well as his, new skin care products that few humans can buy just show up at your door.

Does he also give you framed photos of him? Yes

Does he give you best silk? Also yes.

Why should the two of you not enjoy these things? You deserve it after all.

Still, Asmo is very sentimental too.

He gifts you photo albums of things that make him feel so. Memories of trips and walks; of sleepovers and quiet nights as well.

Yes, luxury is there but this small pretty pen is cheap and has hearts on it! He simply has to give it to you!

Beelzebub:

Beelzebub knows the ‘proper’, ‘correct’ or expected ways to court someone.

He knows what gifts others give and why.

But, all of that seems slightly...like vanity or showing off to him.

It just wouldn’t feel right to give you a framed work of art or color stones that glimmer if it does not really awake something.

His gifts are as gentle as him.

Yes, food is the most obvious choice but he really does worry if you are eating well because humans are fragile.

Flowers that he sees in shops or on walks.

While once walking with Luke he saw some and said how pretty they would look on you. Luke taught him to make flower crowns for that reason.

Most of his gifts are handmade.

He wants to help you on his own no matter what.

The most consistent gifts however are those that you said you needed.

Doesn’t matter when you said it or how, maybe it was just a passing thought, but he remembers and he gets them for you.

Belphegor:

it wouldn’t be wrong to say that he manages to mix up all of these ways and refuses to settle down on just one type.

This is because he is similar to Beel.

Beel gives you thinks you said you needed; Belphie gives you those you did not even notice.

He is constantly observing you and being as smart as he is – nothing escapes him.

You don’t have to complain how you grew bored of your boots or how annoying those headphones are.

He just notices it and gives you new ones.

Sometimes he looks at you during a party in Diavolo’s castle and things that a necklace is missing and would actually be useful in the future as well; so, he buys it.

Books for assignments you are not aware you will need next year find their way to your table. Yes, it is a year but he is a published Devildom scholar so trust him with this.

Paintings, matching rings with stars, a keychain of some small alien from a human TV show etc.

He treads the lines of outlandish with luxury and simple.

Seeing you surprised no matter what because you never mentioned these things always brings him joy.

a/n: how tf do you spell jewelry is it this or jewellery or i hate his word pls

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me x reader #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #asmo x reader #beelzebub x reader #belphegor x reader #the reason i do fics more is to avoid having to add this many tags omggg #obey me brothers #not genshin

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Newsflash: Dazai cares for Chuuya

Before reading any further, I will be talking about stormbringer, so spoilers ahead!! Translation credits go out to: @popopretty on tumblr, make sure to give this kind human some love and appreciation<3

Also if you want to read the first few chapters of stormbringer: @buraihatranslations is currently translating it, give them much love and appreciation as well, they deserve it!!

Honestly, I have been so obsessed with Soukoku lately and I think the reason behind this is because when it comes to Soukoku, their feelings for each other are not as easy to grasp as love or hate, it is much more profound than that. There is care, hurt, trust, resentment, companionship, bitterness, and consideration...And ironically enough, thats just the tip of the iceberg.

If we break down their individual feelings towards each other, it will be easier to understand their bond.

On Chuuya's end, his feelings are much more clear due to his expressive personality. He wears his emotions on his sleeves, he can try and hide what he feels towards Dazai but his true feelings tend to unravel easily.

He sometimes tries to mask his feelings towards Dazai by throwing insults, but his facial expressions are enough to contradict what he is saying.

Chuuya's feelings towards Dazai can be easier to comprehend. He obviously feels this certain betrayal due to the fact Dazai left the Port Mafia. Not to mention, he and Dazai have always had a rivalry relationship.

In the Soukoku wiki page, it is stated that Chuuya is aware of Dazai not experiencing a proper childhood, therefore allows him to act as childish as he can and lets him tease him relentlessly. I don't know how reliable this source is, but either way I think its worthy enough to add.

In the Dragon head conflict when Dazai was out of sight, Chuuya told Mori to forget about Dazai. That was until Hirotsu mentioned a microscope, Chuuya quickly realizes it was code language because he remembered a previous conversation where Dazai says he needs a microscope to be able to see Chuuya properly.

The moment he figured out it was a tracker, Chuuya did not hesitate to jump in and rescue Dazai. But here is the catch: No one but Chuuya knew about the microscope, if Chuuya really didn't care for Dazai he wouldn't have mentioned the microscope and kept all this under wraps, leaving Dazai in a mess.

Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life. He never hesitates to leave his life on Dazai's hands when it has to come to it. Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for years, for Chuuya to be able to trust Dazai that much is because Dazai also cares for him too, right?

The answer here is yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya. In a superficial level, it doesn't seem like Dazai truly cares, but I can assure you that he does care for him. Weather you like to think of his care in a platonic or romantic manner, the care Dazai has for Chuuya is undeniable and extremely significant for Dazai's character.

I think that stormbringer establishes this idea even further. There is one specific moment in this light novel that shows his genuine concern towards Chuuya's well being:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right, the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

This section in stormbringer is personally one of my favorites, this is a very rare moment between both of them, but especially for Dazai. Like I stated earlier Chuuya wears his emotions on his sleeves, therefore even if he tries to mask his care with insults, its still painfully noticable that he genuienly looks after Dazai. Chuuya also sometimes show a vulnerable side of himself to Dazai, especially after using corruption.

Dazai on the other hand is extremely unreadable. Its hard to understand his true intentions and if he really cares for people or only sees them as a pawn. In this moment though, Dazai was being painfully genuine. Dazai literally prioritized Chuuya over the mission. He was already thinking of coming up with an alternative plan just in case Chuuya refused, obviously the sucess rate of the alternative plan would be lesser than the actual plan Dazai had in mind, he choose Chuuya's wellbeing over a mission.

In this section, Dazai wasn't throwing jokes or witty remarks, he was being serious. Because Dazai knows how desperately Chuuya wants to be human. He knows how important being human is to Chuuya.

Dazai wasn't manipulating Chuuya by giving him the chance to decide, we can see that Dazai was literally showing a lot of hesitation when mentioning this to him, we also get to see what Dazai was thinking, and we can tell he wasn't thinking about manipulative his movements in any way. All of this wasn't coming out of manipulation, it was coming out of pure care.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounded like the metal was kicked by the sole of someones shoes. The moment Dazai realized what the sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

"Trying to act cool, huh?" Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned on his radio and sent out his order. "Chuuya has sallied, everyone get ready for battle."

I personally love this part so much, relief washed over Dazai the moment he noticed that Chuuya was going to go through with the first plan, which proves my point that he wasn't manipulating him and how Dazai was under a lot of stress because he wasn't sure if the alternative plan would be as effective as his original one.

Yet he still was willing to go through the alternative plan if Chuuya refused, because Dazai values him and regards his wellbeing.

Dazai was being surprisingly gentle in this section, he was being honest. There was no ulterior motive behind his actions here, just a boy looking after his partner.

"So i'm going to send an order to my men to prepare for action... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." Chuuya turned to Dazai. "Why are you asking me such a thing?"

Dazai didn't answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It's like he was trying to say something, but he had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression he rarely shows.

This was right before Dazai drops the bomb to Chuuya about the memory erasure command. He was even asking for Chuuya's opinion on sending his men to get ready, this was the first time Dazai ever showed actual concern without masking it with witty remarks. You can tell that Chuuya isn't used to this.

And when you think about it, when Dazai and Chuuya have missions together, Dazai always uses corruption as a last resort and he always allows Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not.

I personally belive that the main reason Chuuya trusts Dazai with using corruption is because The Sheep used to exploit his powers too much, but Dazai leaves the decision to use corruption up to Chuuya. Dazai understands the physical and mental toll corruption takes on Chuuya and therefore leaves the choice up to him.

Theres another section in stormbringer that I really enjoy, it doesn't necessairly show solicitude but I still think this should still be taken into consideration:

"You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don't you?"

"I am," Dazai laughed with a sigh. "There is no way a man-made code could create such a personality that I detest so much."

Throughout the whole story, Dazai is more than determined that Chuuya is human. The main reason Dazai finds Chuuya so intresting is because of how frighteningly human Chuuya can be, because of the fact that he always wears his emotions on his sleeves, something Dazai rarely does himself. Thats personally a nice sentiment from Dazai's end, even when Chuuya struggles completely when it comes to believing in his own humanity, Dazai still can't help but see him as a human being.

Also I am aware that Dazai literally said he detests Chuuya here but he also sighed and laughed while stating this, showing us that he isn't being serious about hating him.

And its not only in stormbringer were he shows his concern towards Chuuya. In fact, in this following manga pannel Dazai is telling Chuuya that if he is willing to listen him, he will stage his own escape so that Chuuya doesn't get punnished.

Honestly, if Dazai didn't care enough for Chuuya, he wouldn't have mentioned this to him. Chuuya didn't care enough to realize that he literally unwillingly freed Dazai which would get the pm mad at him, so the fact that Dazai is literally helping him out is no doubt out of care for him. If Dazai didn't have any regard for Chuuya he would've not staged his escape or mentioned anything to Chuuya, eventually incriminating him.

There are many misconceptions when it comes to Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya, people think that he doesn't care for him due to the fact that he left the Port Mafia, leaving Chuuya behind. But heres the thing: Dazai's intentions had nothing to do with Chuuya. He left the organization for his own good, he left it to fullfill Oda's wish.

"If Dazai cared for Chuuya then why didn't he take Chuuya with him?" the reason is simple, he knows how much the PM means to Chuuya. In stormbringer it is shown that Chuuya feels as if his humanity is attached to the people he is loyal to, in this case its the port mafia. Verlaine wanted to get rid of the pm because he believed that the pm is what kept Chuuya's humanity, eventually making Chuuya believe that he is only human if he stays loyal to the pm. Dazai knows this. Thats exactly why he didn't take Chuuya with him or even explains to Chuuya why he left, he knows it would be selfish to basically rip Chuuya's sense of humanity apart.

I have a feeling that if Dazai told Chuuya about the real reason he left the Port Mafia, Chuuya will not only feel conflicted about being in the pm, but he would also have an inner conflict with himself as a human.

People also think Dazai may not really care for him because of the fact that after the fight against Lovecraft he actualy deserted him, maybe that part was truly just supposed to be seen as simple humor, but either way I want to talk about it. Chuuya's only request to Dazai was to take him back to base safe, so why did Dazai leave Chuuya behind?

I mean he has carried Chuuya back to saftey before with no problem, for example in stormbringer when Chuuya uses corruption for the first time Dazai carries him back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so that he could say goodbye to his passing friends.

The reson behind this is because Mori needs to know that unlike Dazai, Chuuya is absolutely loyal to him. Leaving Chuuya the way he did will make Mori believe that these two really are at each others throats and that Dazai is insignificant to Chuuya. Making it seem that for Chuuya, the mafia comes first before anything else.

Therefore Dazai established Chuuya's saftey within the mafia since not only does Mori want these two to be hostile with each other, he doesn't want Chuuya to eventually turn against him if he truly found out more about Dazai's true reason of departure. Then again, this isn't canon but it is a logical assumption.

Not to mention that although Dazai did leave him behind, he folded Chuuya's coat and hat before taking his leave. There is also an an extra chapter where Ozaki Kouyou was talking with Chuuya but when he left he forgot his coat, which made Kouyou came across the coat; where she noticed a badge sewed inside saying "Name: Hatrack", she smiled fondly thinking to herself that some things just never change, in this case, Dazai and Chuuya's bond.

Dazai literally took his time to sew this into his coat just to tease him, it was a simple gesture but it shows us how their dynamic will never change. No matter what these two go through, they will always share a bond that consists on teasing, trust and underlying care.

All of this actually makes that theory of Dazai planting a bomb under Chuuya's car for the sole reason that the PM doesn't find Chuuya as an acomplice who aided Dazai on his escape much more feasable.

For Dazai to just plant a bomb under Chuuya's car with no motive makes no sense because if Dazai's true intentions were to simply mess with Chuuya, he would've most likely made it clear at that time. Dazai always has an underlying motive behind his actions, and in this case it is very likely that he did that for Chuuya's sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that the bomb incident could've just been a comedic moment and I shouldn't look too much into it, but there is still a posibility, right?

These two hold so much trust and care for one another, yet they also hold a lot of bitterness and resentment. In the end the good aspects of their dynamic outweighs the bad.

Either you see these two in a platonic or romantic way, you can't tell me that their bond isn't significant.

Thank you so much for reading!! I wanted to talk about this for a while because I feel like people misinterpret Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya a lot so I hope this clears up things a bit<3

#Bsd #bsd analysis #Bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #Dazai #Chuuya nakahara #Nakahara Chuuya #Chuuya #Double black #Stormbringer bsd #Stormbringer spoilers #Soukoku #Chuuya and dazai #Dazai and chuuya #Chuuya x dazai #Dazai x Chuuya #Soukoku analysis #Bsd manga #ozaki kouyou #Skk #Bsd soukoku

[destinysbounty]

Wrote a oneshot! Inspired by this fanart made by @spinchip! Basic premise, what if Zane's sixth sense had warned him about his impending death beforehand?

(Read here on AO3!)

We Were Overdue (But It'll Be Over Soon)

Zane had never taken much issue with his sixth sense. It may have been cryptic and disorienting at the best of times, but it frequently proved itself a valuable asset to his team nonetheless. And Zane couldn’t bring himself to truly dislike anything that helped his friends.

That being said, sometimes he couldn’t help considering it a bit…annoying. Inconvenient. Bothersome, even. 

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it started, but if Zane were to hazard a guess he’d say it all began about two months after the Final Battle and roughly one week before his father’s second death.

It’s also hard to pinpoint exactly what ‘it’ even is, but the closest approximation would be to call it a ‘feeling’. The ‘feeling’, for lack of better term, was a deep, profound, almost cosmic sense of sheer dread that clung to his edges like a shadow. No, not even a shadow. It was more of a black pit with no end, yawning and stretching far into a dark, foreboding expanse. Foreboding for what, he didn’t know, and was anxious to find out. But just the presence of it alone was enough to saturate his circuits and catch on the clicks of his gears, like a snag in a sweater.

He initially wrote it off as a natural byproduct of his father’s impending departure. He’d already witnessed Dr. Julien succumb to old age once before, and it seemed reasonable that he’d be apprehensive about watching it happen again. And for a short while, this explanation mollified him somewhat. 

But then his father passed away.

And then they held a funeral.

And then Dareth subbed for his classes while Zane took five days of bereavement leave. 

(Wu had offered him upwards of six weeks, of course, citing the fact that Dr. Julien had been his sole companion for over 40 years and losing him was bound to be a particularly mournful experience, but Zane had politely declined. He’d already grieved for his father the first time, after discovering his memory switch, and while these past few months had been a wonderful vacation from the status quo, that’s all it was - a vacation. Now Dr. Julien was back to being dead again, and everything had returned to how it was meant to be. He’d always known it wouldn’t last, and he sought comfort in the fact that it'd lasted as long as it did. Not to mention he now had a loud, vibrant, loving family to fall back on should his grief overpower him. With this in mind, he felt confident that five days was all he needed.)

Surely after all that, the sense of dread would fade at least a little, right? If the feeling spawned out of fear of losing his loved one, then it made sense that the feeling would go away once the inevitable finally occurred. Like a release of tension, in a sense. 

Yet somehow, the dread didn’t go away. In some ways it actually got worse.

Once more Zane sought a rational explanation. Surely this was just an unexpected but not unwelcome part of the grieving process. He was only a nindroid, after all - far be it from him to claim any expertise regarding how emotions are supposed to work. But over time, as more troubling symptoms began to emerge, even that explanation lost its edge.

First was the occasional hot flashes - quick bursts of heat igniting in the false flesh of his palms, spiraling up through his wires and all the way to his heart. The flashes occurred sparingly, but just often enough (and just painfully enough) for him to seek diagnosis from Jay and Nya. But to their mutual confusion, none of them could find anything wrong with him.

“Well, you weren’t exactly built yesterday,” Nya said after yet another hour-long diagnostic procedure. She set her goggles down with a sigh, tenderly rubbing the red marks left behind under her eyes. “Your hardware is decades old at this point, and I highly doubt you kept up with maintenance while you had amnesia. You were bound to run into some issues sooner or later.”

Jay struck a conniving grin in response to Zane’s confused expression. “Basically, what she’s saying is that you’re dealing with old people problems, and we’re gonna have to fix you up with the robot equivalent of prune juice. Who knows, maybe we’ll even find a nice nindroid nursing home for you.”

“Oh, leave him alone, Jay." She gave her boyfriend a playful shove. "You gotta respect your elders, y’know.” And with that they both dissolved into fits of laughter, rendering Zane even more confused than he already was.

So while the rest of his family delighted in teasing him with a plethora of ‘old man’ remarks and other such jokes about his age, Nya and Jay set to work upgrading portions of his hardware - careful to avoid the more intricate aspects of Dr. Julien’s original design while still changing enough of it to boost Zane’s mechanical efficiency. 

Of course, while this dramatically enhanced his processing power and overall performance speed, it didn’t fix the mysterious spark-flashes.

The dread and the flashes weren’t his only symptoms either. He’d started growing anxious around spiderwebs - not spiders, just their webs, and anything that resembled their webs for that matter. And he would often dream of strange, incoherent nonsense that he never remembered in the morning, yet for some reason always left him scrambling up to a mirror to make sure his faceplate hadn’t loosened in his sleep. 

The two most concerning symptoms, however, were probably the following:

First, Zane’s quickly developing fear of gold. Every time he saw something that looked like bright, shimmering gold, the sensors in his face would sputter, and that burning sensation would light up in his palms again, and he would begin to hyperventilate, and his power core would throb in ways Pixal later explained were the nindroid equivalent of a panic attack. And worst of all, the dread would triple its pressure against his steel joints, asphyxiating his circuits into a caustic seizure. 

(According to his father, Zane’s breathing mechanism not only served to make his replication of humanity more authentic, but also as a form of manual air circulation. Moments of high stress and intense emotion could lead to his system overheating, so he was programmed to breathe more when under duress to prevent this from happening. He used to think it was a bit silly, pointless even, but after experiencing the intense heat caused by both the spark-flashes and the phantom melting sensation that accompanied the sight of gold, now he was just glad for any relief he could get.)

The second especially troubling symptom was also the only one he never dared share with others: his developing fear of Lloyd .

This one didn’t have a rational explanation, no matter how many hours he devoted to parsing out for one. For reasons unknown, the mere thought of Lloyd would cause the dread to slice into him with an unmatched intensity, like wire cutters slicing away the thermoplastic insulation from the nerves in his hands. The flashes and the heat and the gold would overwhelm him all at once, overloading his neural drive with so much false input that he had to run off into another room whenever Lloyd came to visit.

Zane quickly got better at finding excuses to leave, and later he learned how to bury his fear altogether, so as to spare Lloyd the pain of this unfair phobia. Lying was immoral and Zane would never forgive himself doing so, but as much as it pained him to admit it, deceiving his friends on this matter had certainly come in handy. Lloyd didn’t deserve to think Zane was afraid of him, or that Zane didn’t trust him. He’d saved the world! He’d sacrificed his own childhood just to protect Zane and the rest of their family! And more than that, he was their little brother. Chosen one status and golden destiny notwithstanding, he had earned Zane’s affection simply by being family.

It was probably just a glitch. Like Nya said, his hardware was old, and it had been placed under a lot of strain since becoming a ninja. He just needed to let his OS sort itself out, and soon everything would go back to normal.

Right?

After a particularly intensive system update yielded no improvements, Zane was forced to reconcile the one truth he’d feared most: that all of these symptoms weren’t due to an issue with his hardware but were somehow foretelling a tragedy yet to come.

Sharing this realization with the rest of the team had set everyone one edge for a while and rightly so, as Zane’s premonitions were never wrong - but after three weeks passed with no signs of his dread becoming reality, the others steadily abandoned their apprehension and moved on. And Zane would have moved on too, but the dread addled to his side like chewing gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe.

When the Digital Overlord revealed himself, Zane was equal parts horrified and relieved. Horrified for obvious reasons - the Overlord was back, he was now targeting Lloyd specifically, he had Wu in his custody, and he was using modified versions of Zane’s own blueprint against him. But he was also relieved because finally, after nearly a year of watching and waiting with baited breath, his premonitions had at long last received their payoff. His dread was because the Overlord was still alive, his fear of gold was because of the Overlord’s plans to make himself corporeal using golden power, and his fear of Lloyd was due to the curse of the golden master and the fact that Lloyd used to be the golden master. All his premonitions finally, finally, had a rational explanation. 

And yet, still the dread didn’t fade. The symptoms remained as loud and obnoxious as they’d always been. Fragments of visceral, forgotten dreams still clouded his CPU and cluttered his storage drive. Spark-flashes still singed his servomotors and grinded at his actuators, threatening to melt the fake skin off his hands and burn the metal framework underneath. The dread still infected his receivers and emitters, tangling itself into a mess of inputs and outputs, and coloring all his sensory data with a sepia filter of foreboding. 

He knew what this meant, of course. It meant that no matter what the Overlord was doing now, no matter what he’d already done to the likes of Pixal and Lloyd and Mr. Borg and Wu, it was bound to get worse. Much, much worse.

Sometimes, he really did find his sixth sense to be quite troublesome. 

But for all the pain and misery it had caused him for the better part of a year, he couldn’t bring himself to dislike any of it. Because of the nervous edge he'd been dangling over all this time, he knew to be ready. He knew to never fully let his guard down. And if even the tiniest millisecond of anticipation gave them a much-needed advantage, then he would rather spend all his time an anxious, dread-ridden wreck than ruin his friends’ chances of survival.

It was that same split-second advantage, that unease manifesting as preparedness, that allowed him to back away from the Overlord’s grasp just in time, while all his friends became ensnared in the new golden master's tentacle grip one by one. 

Standing there on the edge of that roof, watching his friends struggle and gasp as the Overlord squeezed the life out of them, the dread returned anew. And it sang into his heart in ways it had never done before. No more was he haunted by disjointed visions and nebulous premonitions. All of it had fled his systems at once, circuitry now almost painfully bereft of the foreboding that had tormented him for so long. And in its place came a new feeling. 

No, ‘feeling’ wasn’t the right word. It was…it was as if someone had taken his spirit, his soul, his conscious mind, and harshly yanked it out from its hiding place nestled between his gears, and laid it bare for all to see. 

He didn’t know he had a soul to begin with. And yet here it was, twinkling bright from its perch inside his power core. Singing to him.

This is it, it said.  This is what you’ve been waiting for. 

“The armor!” Cole cried out, wheezing as the Overlord’s glowing tendril tightened around his chest. “Why isn’t it working?!”

The Overlord’s warped voice came through in a sickening perversion that scraped against Zane’s ears. “Because your time is over!” 

Around him, golden webs weaved the city streets into a tapestry of chaos. Down below, Serpentine helped guide their fellow civilians down into the sewers. Just in front of him, his friends struggled in vain to resist the sheer power of the Overlord.

And inside him, a knowing chorus sang.

This is it. This is what you’ve been waiting for.

That much was true. For better or worse, this was exactly what he’d been anxiously awaiting all this time. This moment right here was what his sixth sense had spent the last year preparing him for. 

The golden net on which the Overlord stood resembled the spiderwebs Zane had grown to fear. The glowing energy that rent the air asunder and suffocated his teammates - his family - was the reason gold had begun to scare him so much (the reason Lloyd had begun to scare him so much).

The only symptom yet to explain itself were the spark-flashes. Originating from his palms and spreading out into the rest of him and dissecting his artificial skin with a fierce destruction, converging on his heart and threatening to choke everything that made him whole in a thick layer of gold.

Coming from his…hands…

Thanks to the Golden Armor, the Overlord was nigh unstoppable. The only thing capable of defeating him was something or someone just as powerful. And it’d be a gamble, with low odds of success, but if he could jump the distance… 

No, that was - that was ridiculous. It would destroy him! His heart couldn’t even handle powering a measly spacecraft, what hope did he have of withstanding all that Golden Power long enough to actually wield it ?

A memory came to him, unbidden.

“That’s why it’s called hope, Zane.”

Zane took a deep breath. At times like this, he appreciated that his father had built him with the ability to do so.

This is it. This is what you’ve been waiting for.

You know what to do.

“Support me, friends,” he said. “For one last time.” And, armed with nothing but love for his family, he jumped.

The pain from his premonitions had always originated at his palms. Now he knew why. 

#this doesnt even remotely do the original fanart justice #but in my defense i wrote the majority of this while at work #so yeah quality was never an option here #ninjago #ns3 #ninjago rebooted #zane julien #zane ninjago #zangst #destiny post