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notafunkiller · 9 months

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you were mine just yesterday - co-written with @marvelouslizzie

Summary: It's been a while since your break up with Bucky happened, but you're still not over him. You try to move on, go out, and have fun with your friend, Steve, but you end up in the same bar you two went to often. It also just happens that Bucky is there too, with Natasha by his side. It doesn't take long for you two to end up getting into old habits.

Pairing: exes!Bucky Barnes x female reader

Word count: 10.7K

Warnings: 18+, second chance romance, teasing, dirty talk and pet names, language, jealousy, fingering, nipples play, oral séx (the reader receiving), choking, clit play, metal arm, no condom (but they are both clean and the reader is on birth control), aftercare, alcohol (but she is not even tipsy), death mention, no mention of y/n.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Please, do not repost or translate without my permission! I really hope you’ll enjoy it, I can’t wait to read what you think.

The screams he hears when he opens the door and holds it so Natasha can get inside first already make him regret agreeing to this. He absolutely hates crowded places, but at the same time the food is great here, and it's literally one street away from his apartment, he can suck it up a little.

“Come on, I'm starving.”

Bucky looks around, trying to spot anything and anyone that could be suspicious, but everything seems fine.

“You can't relax even for a second, can you?”

He rolls his eyes, but right before he can comment something sarcastic in return, he hears it... your laugh, followed by a strong smell of cherries, and he immediately looks toward the bar. There you are: dressed in a lovely shirt and your favorite pair of pants, with a huge smile on your face. You look out of this world but you aren't alone, no. His stomach aches at the sight of you sharing drinks with his fucking best friend as if nothing else matters.

“Bucky?” Natasha's voice isn't enough to make him tear his eyes off you. “Hey! You said you're starving.”

“What the fuck is this?”

Bucky’s voice doesn’t go unheard by Steve.

“Oh shit,” he mumbles. “Bucky is here with Natasha.”

The moment you hear Natasha’s name you feel like someone punched you in the guts. You instantly start looking around and it doesn’t take long until you finally see them together, standing there and looking for a place. Bucky with Natasha… Why doesn’t that surprise you? A better question: Why does it hurt that much to hear it? You should have expected this.

“We should go and say hi. They're staring.”

“Is this a fucking joke?” Bucky finally looks at Natasha with a deep frown. “Did you know this?”

“Know what?”

He finds it hard to speak as if something was stuck in his throat. “About... them.”

“I didn’t know they would be here.”

Bucky seems like he doesn’t know what to do. He's trying his best not to have a breakdown right then, because how could this happen to him?

“Maybe we should leave,” you say to Steve, feeling uncomfortable already. You are in no mood to watch Bucky and Natasha together. But when you make a move to stand up, Steve gently touches your hand to stop you.

“You can’t run away from him forever.” He’s right. You can’t. You don’t feel like facing them today, but you shouldn’t be the one running either. You slowly sit back down, feeling grateful that you aren’t alone.

“Can you suck it up a little, Barnes? I won’t act like I didn’t see them just because you can’t face your ex, who, by the way, is still our friend.” Natasha rolls her eyes at him, hiding her smirk and starts to walk toward the bar. “Plus, they look like they’re having fun.”

You notice Steve smiling, but you have no idea why. When you see Natasha coming toward you and Bucky following her like a puppy, you understand and try to fake a smile, too, before taking a big sip from your drink.

“Hi. What a coincidence, nice to see you here.” Natasha leans in to kiss Steve on the cheek, then you after you let the glass on the table.

“Hi,” you force the word out of your mouth as nicely as you can. It’s not that you dislike Natasha. On the contrary, you find her a smart, well-traveled, obviously, woman. You liked her opinions in most of the conversations you had, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t jealous of her when she’s around Bucky because of the same reasons.

“So nice to see you, Natasha.” Steve keeps the conversation going. “Bucky!” He tilts his head just a little to see him behind Natasha.

You don't dare to look, though. Your hands are already sweating. Seeing him so close would make your state even worse.

“Steve.” You close your eyes instinctively at the sound of his voice, but you open them when he mentions your name too.

“Hi.”

“What are you having? This looks sooo tasty.” Natasha has always been good at making conversation regardless of her feelings, and you never wished more than then to be like that too.

“Oh.” Steve casually stirs his drink with the cocktail pick. “It’s a cherry cocktail but it’s not on the menu.”

“Of course.” Bucky steps aside from behind Natasha and comes closer to you with a serious, unreadable expression. “The famous cherry cocktail.” His tone is dripping in sarcasm as he leans in and, without any warning, he takes Steve's glass and downs it in three seconds. “Less flavor than usual.”

You don't realize the death glare you're giving Bucky until you feel Steve's hand on your skin, probably trying to calm you down. You can’t believe his audacity. This is the man who broke your heart and left you and he thinks he can just come here and act like this? Hell no!

Bucky's eyes fall to your arm and leans in again, placing the empty glass down and taking two cherries from the cherries glass.

“It’s fine,” Steve says in a way that is extra calm.

“Yeah, it is fine.” You find yourself agreeing immediately. “I can get them to make you a better one.”

“Well, I am curious now.” Natasha gives you a warm smile. “Or do we interrupt something?”

“I can order you one, as well, if you want.” You offer with a fake smile on your face, ignoring her implication. You can feel Bucky’s gaze on you even though you aren’t looking in his direction.

“No need. Come on, Nat. I’m starving.”

Nat…

“You sure?” You are only looking at Natasha and ignoring Bucky. “I can talk to the bartender and he can bring you the cocktail. He’s a good friend, he wouldn’t mind.”

Bucky puffs, shaking his head.

“You okay, Buck?” Steve can't help but ask.

“Yeah, are you okay?” You try to look as casual as possible.

“If I weren't, would you offer me a drink made by your good friend, too?” His eyes and voice don't tell you much. He asks you this in the most casual way possible. Even Natasha looks surprised.

“I think you need something stronger.” Your eyes are wandering to Natasha for a second. “Since you already tried it and didn’t like the cherry cocktail that much.”

He shrugs, not denying what you said despite it being a huge lie. Then he smirks and looks at Natasha and Steve. “I assume you don't mind us joining you, right? I'm starving.”

Of course he doesn’t ask you. He knows your answer and still decides to do this. Okay, if that’s what he wants…

Steve turns his head to you, asking you indirectly if this is okay, and you nod, trying not to look affected. Especially when he sits next to you with Natasha on his left.

You instinctively move away from him and closer to Steve.

Bucky starts to take off his jacket as he speaks. “I'm not gonna eat you, you know?”

“Hmm?” You give him a look.

“I'm not into human meat, don't worry.” He takes off his gloves. Your eyes immediately fall to his hands and you feel the sadness spread inside you. It’s so overwhelming to be around him, yet you don’t want to give him the pleasure of seeing how hard this is for you.

“I’m aware. I’m just more comfortable like this.” You reach for your drink and take a sip, turning your attention to Steve. “Should I order a new one for you or would you rather drink something else?”

Bucky puffs. “He can order for himself. He is over 100 years old, doll.”

You ignore Bucky’s comment and look over to Natasha. “Do you wanna try the cocktail, Natasha?”

She hesitates, looking at you and at Bucky, and you try not to roll your eyes.

“Do you have any suggestions with strawberries? I love strawberries.” She points to Steve. "He does, too."

“I’m more of a cherry girl, but we can ask my friend. I’m sure he has some good suggestions.”

“Such a close friend”

“Yeah.” You ignore Bucky and raise your hand. The bartender gives you a smile before coming closer.

“Hey. Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fantastic. I just need another one of these.” You raise your nearly empty glass. “And Natasha wants to ask for your recommendations for a drink with strawberries.” You point at her while saying her name.

He gives a few options and both Steve and her agree on one.

“What about you?”

Bucky looks at him bored. “A burger: chicken, extra pickles, please.”

“Any drinks?”

“Your cheapest beer will do.” You respond instead of Bucky, and he immediately gives you a questioning look and lifts his eyebrow. But he doesn’t seem to care, and the bartender just nods and leaves.

“So,” Natasha starts. “For how long have you two been hanging out?”

Steve looks at Bucky. “We never stopped hanging out.”

“Why would you?” Natasha winks at you, and Bucky feels he is going crazy. Many images of you and Steve laughing, walking together, even kissing take over his mind.

“Exactly.” You smile in response.

“What about you two?” Steve asks with a mischievous smile on his face.

“What about us?” Bucky asks immediately, giving Steve a hard look. “Do you want to gossip with the ladies present?”

“That never stopped you before.” You didn’t intend to say it out loud, but it’s already out there.

Bucky's head instantly turns to you. “What?”

“I said that never stopped you before.” It’s too late to back out so you decide to go for it. Bucky usually doesn’t care who is around. He says what he wants to say when he wants to say it. So your presence shouldn’t stop him.

“I heard you the first time. I was waiting for additional explanation.”

“Oh, good. I thought your hearing was getting worse for a sec.” You just look into his eyes. “You always say what you wanna say. So why would us being present stop you now?”

“My senses are perfect, thank you for your concern. Natasha and I are hanging out, too, obviously.”

Your bartender comes back with the drinks and that stops the conversation. He puts your drinks by one by, saving Bucky’s beer for the last.

“We’re out of our cheapest one so I brought the second cheapest. I hope that’s okay.”

“I'll survive,” Bucky murmurs.

“Your burger is coming up in five minutes.” And with that remark, he leaves you four alone.

“This tastes amazing,” Steve smiles, squeezing your hand, and Natasha immediately agrees.

“Yeah.”

“Glad you like it.”

“Want to try it, Bucky?” She asks him with an innocent smile, which makes your blood boil.

Bucky shakes his head and drinks from his bottle. “Ah, this tastes too expensive.”

“You’ll survive,” you whisper, imitating his tone.

“Oh, I will.” He gives you the most charming smile you've seen in a while and takes your glass to take a sip.

“Will you stop drinking other people’s drinks without asking them?” You can’t hide how done you are with his entitled ass.

“You'll survive, I'm sure.” He mocks you without a care in the world. You can feel the tension increasing, but you have no idea what to do. You can’t control your reactions, and he keeps pushing you.

“Oh, I will, but…” You move closer to him just a little. “If you need… you know… some help you can have a drink on me.”

“Hmm.” He chuckles and moves closer, too immediately catching on to what you meant. “Don't worry about it, I am sure Nat would cover me.”

“I am sure she would.” You smile back, fighting the urge to roll your eyes and break the glass into tiny pieces, so you just put your drink in front of him. No way you are gonna keep drinking that.

“Hey, Adam!” The bartender looks at you from a bit far away. “Same drink, please.” He winks first and then nods.

Bucky frowns and downs the drink, trying to look unaffected. “You had no problems sharing drinks with me before.”

“Now I’m more careful about what I put into my body.”

Steve tries to mask his laugh by fake coughing, but you notice anyway. So Bucky must do it, too.

“I can see that. You don't mind sharing drinks with my best friend now.” He gives you a bitter smile for the first time in ages. The way he emphasized the word drinks makes you wonder what’s running through his mind.

Adam comes back with his burger and side dish, and you feel your mouth water. “Enjoy and let me know if you want anything else.”

Bucky takes a big bite from his burger as you reach out to his fries and take a couple without a care. If he can freely drink your cocktail, you can steal some of his fries.

Natasha and Steve look at you surprised.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asks, chewing loudly on purpose.

“Taking some of your fries.”

“Thought we don't share drinks and food anymore. We moved on from that. We passed that stage.”

You remark his and Natasha's closeness again and feel your blood boil.

“So it’s okay for you to do it, but it’s a problem when I do it?” Yet you take another fry and put it inside your mouth, looking directly into his eyes. You want him to know this is not about fries or sharing stuff.

Bucky's surprise is visible all over his face. He's simply speechless even after Adam brings you your drink and you give him a forced smile.

“Thanks, Adam,” You say like everything is fine. “I will use the restroom. Would you keep an eye on my drink for me, Steve?”

And you leave without waiting for an answer.

You go to the restroom, lock your door and sit down. You just need a minute alone because all of this is too much for you. Seeing him with Natasha tonight is hard enough, but he keeps challenging you. He acts like nothing is changed, but everything changed when he decided to walk away. Even though you don’t wanna admit it, your feelings for him are still there and they’re making everything harder.

You take a couple of deep breaths and remind yourself this was going to happen one day. It just happened to be today and you can get through it. You’ll be fine.

You get up, unlock the door and just wash your hands, splashing some water on your neck, too, before you look at yourself in the mirror. At least you are looking alright.

You jump when you hear the door opening and turn around just to see Bucky locking the door again.

“This is the ladies’ room!”

He looks at you as if he can't understand what you're saying.

“I said this is the ladies-”

“I heard you the first time. What the fuck do you think you're doing?”

You puff. “I should be the one asking that question.”

“I am not here sharing drinks with your best friend, am I?” He walks toward you.

“No, you are here with Nat.”

Bucky washes his hands in response, not understanding how you can compare Nat with Steve. You are here on a date with his best friend.

“Have fun with Nat and stay away from my drinks.” You leave the ladies’ room, but he’s right behind you.

“I wasn't finished with you.”

“That sounds like a you-problem. I have a drink that’s waiting for me.”

“Just be honest and say Steve is waiting for you.”

“Just like Nat is waiting for you.” You look like you are tired of this conversation already when you snap.

“Are you having fun, doll? Are we bothering you? Did you want to enjoy your date all alone?”

You make a face when you hear the word date. So that’s why he was acting like that. He thinks you are on a date with Steve. “What I do with my life is none of your concern! Just go and enjoy your own date.”

“None of my concern, right?” His calm facade is finally falling. “You are on a fucking date with my best friend!”

“Oh, so that’s why you decided to be an ass? Because you think Steve picked up the toy you threw away?”

When he gets so close to you, you feel like you're suffocating. “Careful.”

“Or what?”

“You forgot what happens?”

“Oh,” you say in a mocking tone. The audacity he has! “Well, too bad you don’t get to do that anymore.”

“Does he do that?” He closes his eyes, still too close to you. “Do you let him touch you? Is this why he isn't around?”

You raise your hand instantly, wanting to slap him right there for crossing a line, but you manage to control yourself, remembering his past. You see him closing his eyes instinctively and you sigh. You might be mad at him, but you wouldn't hurt him like this. He is not a bad person… And you don’t wanna bring his trauma back.

You take a deep breath and retreat your hand.

“Maybe he isn’t around because you are an ass, did you consider that?”

“Why him?” He opens his eyes. “I would take all of your slaps instead of living through this.”

He sounds so weak, and tired, and sad. There is a part inside you that gets angrier because he thinks so low of you, but there is another part that understands and wants to assure him you would never do that to him.

“Why him what? I’m not dating your best friend, Bucky. Pull your head out of your ass!”

He freezes. He really freezes and lets out a deep, deep breath as if he's been holding it for a long time. His forehead drops until it meets yours, and you gasp surprised.

“I was going insane, baby. I felt like my life was just...”

You take a step back, not letting yourself enjoy his touch or his baby. “It doesn’t change the fact that you are here with Nat.”

“What about Nat?”

“What about Nat?” You repeat his question. “Did you forget she’s waiting for you? Or the fact that you suddenly left me? Me not dating Steve changes nothing. So stop calling me baby or doll or whatever charming pet name you come up with.”

Bucky laughs humorlessly as he shakes his head. “You think I'm really with Nat? You think I could ever replace you? That I'd even try?”

“Then why the fuck did you leave me?” You are so close to shouting, but you still don’t want people to hear you. Your eyes are getting filled with tears.

“Why do you think, huh? Do I look happy to you? You think I'd leave you to date Romanoff?”

“Why not? She’s perfect!”

Bucky looks at you dumb-faced. “For who? For what? Why do you...”

“For you! You two are a perfect match!” You take a breath, trying to contain your emotions. You don’t want to cry in front of him.

He is instantly touching your arms again, making you shiver. “Why would you say that?”

“Because even if you aren’t dating now, you will realize how perfect she is for you eventually. So go back inside. Don’t let her wait.” You sniffle, your head is slightly shaking because of all the emotions you are holding back.

His flesh hand grabs your chin and you feel his hot lips on top of yours before you can react.

The way he kisses you makes you wanna cry even more. It reminds you of everything you tried so hard to forget yet never managed to…

Even though you want to give in, you take a step back. You can’t handle another heartbreak.

“Don’t…” The tears start to fall down. “Just don’t.”

“Do you not want me?” His eyes are teary, too, and there is nothing to hide anymore. But he can't ask this, he can't do this to you. He is unfair. He left you, he broke it off. He...

“Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?” You try to dry your tears with the back of your hand. “You can’t just come back, kiss me and expect everything to be fixed!”

“I am so fucking sorry, baby. I wasn't trying to hurt you.” He stops himself and sighs. “I really don't deserve you. I keep making you cry.”

“Saying sorry isn’t enough, Bucky. What did you think would happen when you left me? Did you think it wouldn’t break my heart? Is this what you want to hear? That you broke my heart when you left me? Here! I’m heartbroken because of you. Happy now? Can we go back inside now?”

“I just wanted...” He shakes his head, wiping off his tears. “Let's just get inside.”

“What did you want Bucky? Tell me. What did you wanna hear?”

“I'm not worth it, that's fucking clear. I am sorry for this whole mess I brought into your life.”

“Don’t ever say that!” You angrily point your finger at him. “You know how much I think you deserve. This is solely about you leaving me. You made that decision, remember? I opened my heart to you and you left me! Don’t make me feel guilty about getting hurt.”

“Don’t you realize how dangerous it is?” He says desperately, looking you in the eye. “I would get you killed... we all would...”

“Really? Is that why you left me?” It angers you more than you imagined. This is probably the worst reason he could give you. Like you were safe before meeting him. As if he didn’t save your life.

“Bucky?”

You jump when you hear Natasha.

“What?” He snaps, looking at her. There is nothing in his eyes that can be even close to desire, you notice.

“Are you gonna come back or should we leave and let you cry for the rest of the night?”

“No, Nat, we're leaving.”

You grab Bucky’s arm and drag him out despite the shocked look on Natasha’s face, and Bucky just lets you.

“Pay the check. He's gonna transfer you the money for our order later,” you say casually while half of the restaurant looks at you.

Steve throws him his leather jacket without hiding his smirk, and Bucky catches it, giving him a typical Bucky look without saying anything.

“Where are we going?�� Bucky finally asks when you’re outside and you let go of his arm.

“Your place obviously. Did you walk or took the motor like a lazy ass?”

Bucky rolls his eyes and puts on his jacket. “I walked.”

“Fine. So we are walking back to your place then.” You wait for him to move as he laughs and shakes his head.

“What?”

“You said that when we met too.”

You roll your eyes. He’s always been a stubborn ass. You remember him insisting the serum will do its job and he’ll heal faster, but you couldn’t just let him bleed, so you had to drag him to your place. “Just walk.”

“Bossy.”

“If I remember correctly, you said that when we met.” You don’t wait for him and just start to walk, trying not to think about what he said.

You miss his huge grin and his boyish look, but you hear his footsteps. He reaches your side in no time. “I missed you.”

You close your eyes for a second and try really hard not to say you missed him too. “I can’t do this again, Bucky. I can’t get my heart broken for the second time.” You sound like you are in pain.

He nods. “I didn't even think you’d want that.”

“I just don’t understand what you are trying to do.”

“You deserve to know the truth and the context, so you can stay away from us for good.”

You huff, but you don’t say anything. You two walk in silence for a while and luckily it doesn’t take more than five minutes to arrive at his place.

You get to his door and the familiarity is killing you. So many memories come to your mind and you're not even inside yet.

When you finally step in, it's like time has not passed: the TV, the couch... except for the sheet. The sheet is back on the floor.

“Are you sleeping on the ground again?”

Bucky sighs, taking off his shoes. “Can we ignore that? Let's focus on your questions. Do you want a glass of water?”

“Answer my question while pouring me a glass of water then.”

“The man who almost killed you when we met?” He opens the fridge and takes out the water bottle before directly handing it to you. “He's a part of the new wave of Hydra.”

You look at him, feeling completely confused. You don’t even notice the water bottle.

Hydra?

“They might know about you...” He bites his bottom lip entirely, showing his frustration. “We managed to take a few down. They are careless as fuck, so young and dumb.” He just puts down the bottle on the kitchen counter.

“You… left me… because you think they are after me because of you?”

Bucky looks away. “Does it matter?”

“Isn’t that why I am here? Because you wanted me to know the truth. So just tell me. Is that why you left me?”

“He knew your name, where you work, your family.” Bucky pauses, trying to control his anger. “He knew we were together. I have no idea how because you know... you know I never let my guard down. And what if they’d have gotten you? What if they do? You need to stay away from me, us.”

He can’t believe Steve or the rest thought it’s okay to continue to be around you.

“So you decided to leave me alone, be a more vulnerable target. Good job Bucky! Very well done!” You start to clap. “You are the dumbest person I have ever met.”

“Do you honestly think I left you unprotected?” Bucky puffs, as if he can't believe you'd ever think that.

“Then why did you have to leave? What was the point, huh? If they already knew all that stuff about me… about us… What the fuck was the point?”

“What if they kidnap you or kill you just have me back?”

You sigh. “You know that’s always a possibility in our world right?”

He hesitates before speaking. “What if they trigger me?”

You take a frustrated deep breath. There is no way they can do that again. No way! But if he thinks that, then it means he doesn’t trust himself or his skills. Again. “You accepted the defeat already.”

Bucky snaps immediately. “Do you not understand I could kill you? I could kill you and not even...” He closes his eyes unable to look at you as he speaks. He could not recognize you. He could make you suffer in the worst possible ways if you were his target.

“This is why I said you accepted the defeat already!”

“I could kill you...” Bucky repeats so shaken.

“You wouldn’t.” You’ve never been more sure in your life.

“How do you know that? I almost killed everyone...”

“You didn’t kill Steve.”

Bucky gets closer again, shocked by how calmly you talk about his worst nightmare. “I can't risk that. I cannot risk your life.”

“So you would rather leave me alone and heartbroken.”

“Yes.” His answer comes instantly. “If you're alive, that's-”

“And go back to sleeping on the ground!”

“It's not like I sleep much anyway.” The way he says it... like it's not a big deal at all amazes you.

“You know what bothers me about all of this? Something I didn’t think you would do...”

“What?”

“You took my choice away.”

Bucky is shaking when he hears you, completely taken aback.

“Instead of telling me about all the risks, you decided on your own. I would never do that to you.”

“I dreamed about this. I... I saw you,” he pauses. “I was choking you."

“Not something you didn’t do before.” Your response comes instantly, without much thinking because the tension is killing you and you want to lighten the mood a little. “Choking, I mean.”

And he smiles. You make him smile and it feels like you won the lottery. “You quite liked that.”

“You did, too.”

“I did, you were very pretty.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Bucky sighs, not knowing what to say. “I'm sorry for putting you through all of this.”

“There’s something else you should also apologize about.”

“What?”

“For taking my choice away...”

“I am sorry for that,” he says instantly. “But I don't regret it. I made the right choice.”

“If you don’t regret it, we don’t have anything to talk about. I don’t need your sorry.” If he doesn’t regret it, what’s the point of this conversation?

“Your life is worth everything to me." His voice is so soft as he speaks.

“I understand that, but it doesn’t make it any better.”

“I am sorry for not telling you." He keeps apologizing.

“You don’t regret it, though. So… I don’t know where to go from here. Maybe I should go.”

He tries to hide his disappointment. He's being unfair and he knows it. “If that is what you want... let me grab the hamlets and I can give you a ride.”

“I don’t need a ride.” You don’t want to be that close to him on his motorcycle. You can handle yourself. You wish things were different, that he had told you the truth. You would have to make him see things from your perspective, but he didn’t share anything with you. He pushed you away completely.

“No fucking way.” Bucky shakes his head. “You should know this by now.”

“You’re not my boyfriend anymore so you don’t have a say.”

“No,” he simply responds.

“The sooner you accept that you have no say in my life anymore the better.” He can’t keep acting like he’s a part of your life. You understand his fear, his good intentions, but he refuses to see the whole picture. You’re not safe either way and he still protects you. He could have done it and still be by your side.

Bucky comes even closer to you. “It's not safe. Did you not hear me until now?”

“So dropping me off is somehow safer? Do you ever hear yourself? You told me you left me because my life was in danger and you don’t regret breaking my heart. And now you wanna drop me home and make me a target again? Is sleeping on the ground killing your brain cells too?”

“I have a fucking metal arm.” He raises his left arm. “I didn't mean just Hydra's dumb men. I mean normal dumb men too.”

“I did not forget that you have a metal arm, but you did since you broke up with me. And you apparently also forgot that I can handle dumb men all by myself. You chose this! You had your reasons, I get it, but you can’t just come back whenever you feel like it, okay? You can’t go all passive-aggressive like you did to Steve because I am on a date. You can’t offer to drop me off. If you’d decided to get out of my life, stand by that choice. Since you don’t regret it, it shouldn’t be that hard.” With every sentence, your anger is rising. You don’t realize you say the words like you’re spitting them out.

“I did not mean it like that.” He ignores the comment about how you can handle yourself because there are limits to that. “I regret not being with you, deciding that for you if that's what you mean, but I don't regret making this choice for your own good. And you would have gotten bored of me anyway. I have too much baggage, too. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit."

You shake your head, absolutely crushed by his words. How can he think he’s so hard to love? How can he… “If lying to yourself helps with sleeping at night, go for it, but that’s not the truth.”

Bucky sits down on the couch. “You cannot deny I am right.” He sighs. “Let me call you an Uber at least.”

“You want me to lie and I can’t do that, Bucky. You were the love of my life. I would never get bored of you.” You don’t know why you are saying all this. You thought and think about him constantly. He wasn’t just your boyfriend, he became your best friend.

You can see the surprise and happiness all over his face right away. He's glowing.

“You were mine, too, I hope you know that.”

“I didn’t. Not until now.” You bite your lip, trying to hold back your tears. It’s just so hard.

“I wish things could be different, but I promise I'll keep protecting you.”

That makes something inside you snap. “It could’ve been different! But you chose this!” Your anger is suddenly pouring out. “I don’t want your protection. You are either in my life or out of it. There’s no in-between. Do you understand me?”

“No.”

“God, I hate you so much! I hate how stubborn and stupid you are! I hate that you never listen to me! I fucking hate how you make me feel!”

Bucky stands up. “Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I don't want to talk and hold you and make love to you? Do you think it's easy, huh? No! But someone has to make these decisions! I won’t let you die because you're stubborn.” He's so red and angry. “I am not worth it.”

“For fuck’s sake! I’ve had enough of this, okay? One second you tell me you have to stay away and another that you wanna make love to me. You treat me like shit and then kiss me! Why do you do that, huh? Why?” You don’t wait for a response, letting out everything you have been holding in. “I don’t fucking care if it’s easy or not. You know why? It wasn’t my decision. YOU DIDN’T LET ME CHOOSE YOU. So if you are suffering that’s on you, pal. My suffering is on you, too. Now get out of my way. I wanna go home.” You try to breathe and control your anger again, but it feels impossible.

“What do you want me to do? Risk your life?”

“I want you to get out of my way and stay away from me. I’m done with talking, arguing, and crying.”

“You won't see me.” He looks away as he promises you that, and you feel like crying more than ever. That's it? “But you have to promise me you won't see the others.”

“The others?”

“Natasha, Steve, Sam. We are all the problem.”

“Oh, hell no. Fuck no! No!” You point your finger at him, angrily. “You don’t get to decide shit anymore. Especially not about my life. You are done with making choices for me!”

“Did you not hear what I told you tonight? They should know better. I will have a discussion with them about it too. They are so stupid-"

“I don’t fucking care. Should I spell it out for you? Would that make it easier for you to understand? I DON’T FUCKING CARE! You don’t want to be in my life, fine. Your decision, but them… I’m not giving up on anyone.”

“Why are you so fucking stubborn? We are talking about death and life.”

“I made that choice the day we met, okay? When you fucking saved me. I’m way passed that point. They are my friends, too, and they will stay that way. This conversation is over.”

“I'll call you an Uber.” He murmurs, knowing continuing this would not a wise decision. He expected more from Steve at least. He knew how dangerous this is. At least Sam and Natasha seemed to understand.

You’re surprised when you see him suddenly giving you a funny look. “What?”

“I can't believe you really thought I could be with Natasha like that.”

Of course this would come and bite you in the ass!

“I always thought you two would be a good match.” That was always on the back of your mind, thinking if they gave it a chance it would work amazingly. She is beautiful, powerful, lethal… and Bucky deserves the best. Seeing them together double hurt.

He gasps as if he can’t believe this. “What?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“We were together and you thought I could ever replace you with her?” He sounds hurt and confused at the same time.

“Yeah. I was sure that would happen one day.”

He stares at you completely blank for a while and you don't know what he's thinking. You were honest.

“And you say I gave up on us? You thought I am gonna-”

“It doesn’t matter, Bucky, okay?”

It does, actually, very much, but you’re so tired and hurt and simply without energy.

“Fuck it.”

You don't expect him to take you by the back of your neck and kiss you, surprising you for the second time on the same night. You don’t understand why this set him off or what he’s trying to do. All you can think of is how much you missed this.

He whimpers when he realizes you don't reject him and licks your bottom lip.

You wanna cry. You wanna hit him. You wanna push him away, but you also want to keep kissing him. You hate how conflicted you are feeling.

He closes his eyes, letting you go. “I don't know why I...”

You know how that sentence would end. You don’t need to hear it. He doesn’t know why he can’t stay away from you.

“So you are really that dumb.”

He stares at your lips. “Fuck, maybe I am.”

“You definitely are, but I am dumber.”

You grab him by the collar and kiss him again. He doesn't hesitate to open his mouth and let your tongue find his, his hands grabbing your ass and bringing you so close that you feel his hard-on.

“Fuck.”

Everything feels overwhelmingly familiar and you missed this so much. You missed his lips, his taste, his touch, his smell… You grab his face with both of your hands and kiss him however you want, however you need.

“No one can replace you, alright?”

“Then what is the point of all this?” His face is still between your hands. “You want us to live in agony for the rest of our lives?”

“I just want to keep you safe, baby.” He kisses your palms. “I really don't want to risk your life. I couldn't survive!” He's haunted by that image of you dying, him killing you… He wouldn't be able to move on with his life.

“But I don’t wanna live like this.”

“How do you want to live?” He finally asks.

“I wanna be with you, Bucky, but you don’t let me. You don’t let me have you. You don’t let me move on. How am I supposed to live like this?”

“You want someone else?”

Seriously?

“I said all of those things and that’s what you heard?”

“I heard you, but it's all a mess. I am a mess. I would understand.” His tone is ice cold. He's so frustrating.

You grab his face with one of your hands again and force him to look you in the eye. “Would you really understand?” You question because you are damn sure he wouldn’t. “You would rather have me forgetting all about you and moving on than being with me?”

He seems to think intensely for a couple of seconds, contemplating, imagining different scenarios. You can feel his jaw clenching and you bite your lip.

“You know there is no turning back then, right?”

You don’t understand what he means. “Turning back from what?”

He kisses you as if that is the only answer he can give you. And kisses you. And kisses you until you feel the salty taste of his tears.

Your heart breaks seeing him like this. So vulnerable and tormented. You break the kiss, look at his face, and you feel yourself tearing up.

“You're so fucking stubborn, baby.”

“So are you.”

Bucky smiles, kissing away a few tears on your cheeks. “Can I have you?”

“You gotta work for that.”

That doesn’t seem to deter him. “Yeah? Good, I love working.”

“Yeah? Because it’s not gonna be easy.”

Bucky smiles sadly. “When do I like it easy?”

“I mean it, Bucky. You have to earn my trust back.”

He takes a step back. “And I mean it, I'm here to prove that. I know what a hard and long process it is, and I would never leave you alone again unless you are tired of me. I will protect you with my life, I promise.”

You can’t believe the switch he made. Finally!

“Good. Now come and kiss me because I missed you.” You finally admit it out loud. He’s being vulnerable, so can you, but he hesitates a little.

There’s something in his eyes, maybe it’s the willingness to do anything to earn your trust back, including holding back and waiting, but you don’t want to wait.

“I said gaining my trust will take time. I didn’t say I wanna wait, Bucky.”

“What's the difference?” He’s reluctant, not wanting to make another mistake.

“The difference is I am horny.” It’s been too long. You can’t hold back anymore.

A playful smirk takes all over his face as he comes closer to you. “Are you now? And what can I do about it?”

“I don’t know. What can you do?” You dare him like you don’t know all the things he can do.

“Depends.” His hands grab your neck softly.

“On what?” It’s astonishing how easy it is to fall back into habits.

“On the limits you want to set.”

“You know my limits.”

He looks at you surprised. “But do you trust me with this?”

“My trust issues aren’t over this, and you know it.” He always knew when and where to stop. Never made you feel unsafe. Your only problems are the way he left you and how his actions hurt you.

“Intimacy means a lot of trust,” he says but brings his hands down to your shirt anyway.

“I know. If you didn’t turn into someone else during the time we were apart, I trust you with this.”

“I don't have protection.”

You give him a look. “If you don’t wanna do it that’s fine.”

He snorts, literally ripping your shirt in half, buttons flying everywhere. “Yeah, I totally don't.”

His actions don’t surprise you. You are used to him ripping your clothes. You just look at your teared-away shirt, amused.

“Sounded like many excuses to me.”

“Do you not see my fucking erection?”

You look down, smiling. “Oh, I do see it.” It’s not something you can ignore.

“You lied to me,” he says in a low voice, taking off your bra in a couple of seconds using his flesh hand.

“About what?”

“About Steve. You wanted to drive me crazy.”

“I didn’t say anything about Steve.”

Bucky raises his eyes from your boobs to your face. “You let me think you are dating him.”

“You assumed I was dating him because we were out together and he was trying my favorite cocktail.” You start to unbuckle his belt, incapable to wait any longer. You missed him and his cock so much you are aching. “Take off your shirt.”

Bucky groans in annoyance. “Don't remind me. You made it for him.” He sounds like a jealous kid. “Take it off yourself.”

“Yeah, I was gonna make it for Nat, too.” You finally unbutton his pants and push them down without paying much attention.

Bucky laughs, tilting his head.

“What is so funny?”

He takes off his shirt. “Your voice is getting higher when you're angry.”

“And?” You raise an eyebrow, challenging him to continue.

“Did Nat piss you off or something?” He unbuttons your pants, too, as he asks.

“You piss me off.”

Bucky smiles. “You tend to say that a lot. Nat doesn't think that.”

“What does she think?”

He pulls down your panties and you're surprised a little. You expected him to rip them.

“I guess I don't piss her off.”

You grab his face and make him look at you. “I bet you are on your best behavior around her.”

Bucky bites his lip. “Maybe I am.”

“Now who is lying?” You grip a little harder.

“I don't know, doll. Who is lying?” He moans.

“You enjoy it, don’t you? Seeing me like this? Getting me all worked up?”

You feel his hands on your hips all of a sudden. “You're getting flushed when you're worked up. So beautiful.” He leans in, trying to kiss you, but you don’t let him. You push him back. “Couch or bed?”

“Couch, it's closer unless you want the bed.”

“If you fucked anyone on that couch, I’m not even going close to it.” You look at him in the eye while saying that. It makes your skin crawl.

He grabs your face. “If you think I did this, maybe we shouldn't do anything.”

“What? We weren’t together.”

“I see.” His voice is so low that you barely catch it. What you said goes both ways.

“Don’t go all grumpy and jealous again. I didn’t fuck anyone.”

He puffs relieved. “I'm not grumpy.” He kisses you desperately, though, lifting you at the same time until you wrap your legs around him, and carries you to the couch.

He sits down and his hands drop to his sides, letting you find a good position on his lap.

You push him on his back while trying to make yourself comfortable. “Lay down.”

“I can't reach your tits from there.”

“Just lay down. You are gonna like this.”

He leaves a kiss on both of your breasts before doing what you said, waiting eagerly. You move closer and closer under your pussy is right above his face. He doesn't say anything, and quickly pulls you completely down as if you'd have changed your mind any second if he hadn't done it. You lose your balance for a second but quickly grab the arm of the chair for support.

His tongue is everywhere for a while before stopping on your clit directly. He teases you, though, licking around it, and you can't stand it. You move your hips, trying to get his tongue right where you need it, and he chuckles, sending small vibrations to your clit.

“Just stop teasing me,” you say impatiently. There’s no time for games.

You don't understand what he murmurs, but you feel his tongue finally on your clit at the same time he gets a finger inside you. That gets a loud moan out of you.

“It wasn’t that hard, was it?” You complain while he pumps his finger in and out.

You feel Bucky's vibranium hand making its way to your chest, and you gasp at the cold touch right on your nipple.

“You always find a way to do what you want to do.” But you aren’t complaining. It feels really good.

He adds a second finger inside you just when you finish your sentence.

“Oh, fuck you!” You say after moaning loudly. He’s definitely doing this on purpose.

He doesn't hesitate to move his fingers in a fast pace, opposite to the way he is using his tongue, which you know he does on purpose. Old habits...

“Just lick it properly if you don’t want me to torture you later.”

He pinches your nipple in response.

“Just stick your tongue out.” You move yourself a little bit away from his mouth.

He opens his eyes instantly and frowns. “What are you doing?”

“Taking matters into my own hands.”

His eyes glow and he immediately opens his mouth, sticking his tongue out eagerly. Then you grab his hair and lower yourself onto his mouth, gently riding it.

Bucky moans, keeping his tongue as flat as he can. He can literally die like this and he'd be the happiest man on earth.

You slowly pick up your pace, listening to your body and the need to come grows when he moans just because you tug on his hair a little harder.

His fingers start to move again, surprising you since you're the one riding his face.

It makes your knees shake; it becomes harder to move for a second.

“Oh fuck.” You curse loudly. “I’m gonna- come.”

He whimpers in approval and adds a third finger out of nowhere. You can’t say anything. The only thing you can do is moan while riding his tongue. Bucky keeps the same pace, squeezing your breast at some point until you finish all dizzy.

You take deep breaths, still holding onto the arm of the couch. Then he grabs your hips, lifts you up and you find yourself on your back. You yelp because of his sudden move. He kisses you before you can say anything and spreads your legs at the same time. You feel the wet tip of his cock right at your entrance and you moan, giving him access to deepen the kiss while raising your hips slightly so you can feel more of him.

“That was so good. I missed you so much.”

You stare at his wet chin and cheeks and smile. Your face is now wet, too, but you don't care as you kiss him again. You kiss him until you feel breathless. Then you look at him, still high from your orgasm.

“I think I should’ve been the one to say that.”

“I missed you so much.” He repeats as he pushes inside you,

“Oh fuck.” It feels so good, even better than you remembered. “I missed you, too!” You sound breathless.

“I fucked my fist a thousand times thinking about you.” Hearing that turns you on even more.

“Yeah?” So you weren’t alone because you thought about him. Only him. “I imagined my dildo was your cock like a thousand times, too.”

Bucky's thrusts are finally getting faster. “Yeah? Was it good?”

“Some great some underwhelming orgasms. Yours?” You wanna know so badly.

“Nothing can compare to your pussy.”

“Not even another pussy?” You want to push him, so you don’t hold back your question.

He grabs your face. “I'm inside yours right now and you wanna talk about other women?”

“You know what I want to hear.” And it’s definitely not other women.

Bucky's eyes soften a little as he kisses your nose. “I haven't been with anyone else. And no pussy can compare to yours. No one can compare to you, stubborn little baby.”

You don’t feel any shame when a loud moan escapes your lips. That’s exactly what you wanted to hear.

“Harder?”

“Whatever you want.” It’s like your mind suddenly switched off.

Bucky brings his vibranium hand to your mouth. “Suck then.”

You don’t say anything, you just wrap your lips around his finger and start sucking.

“Good girl.” He starts thrusting a little harder, enjoying the way you look so out of your mind. “My good girl, taking my cock so well. Did you miss it so much?”

You wanna say something, but your mouth is occupied. So you moan instead.

“A fucking sight.” He groans, taking his thumb out of your mouth despite your protests. “Never letting you go.”

“Oh, you finally made up your mind,” you say in a mocking tone.

“Gonna choke you with my cock next and we'll… fuck! see if you'll mock me then, too.”

“You can choke me now, you know.”

Bucky brings his flesh hand to your neck instantly and you frown. As much as you enjoy him finally slowly returning to his own habits, he's still being careful.

“Really?” Your eyebrow raises automatically.

“What?”

“If you’re gonna hold back, maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

He sighs. “It's been a while, I don't want to hurt you.”

“Can you even hurt me?”

Bucky stops mid-thrust and raises his eyebrow. “What?”

“I think you might be getting old. Or maybe the serum is wearing off.”

You didn't expect him to bite it so quickly, but he does, grabbing your thighs and finally fucking you harder. “Gonna make you scream.”

“You are definitely getting old.,” you say half breathless.

“I won't make you bleed, baby. We can go harder than this after you get used to having sex with me constantly again.”

“I meant your memory.” He’s going really fast and it makes it harder to speak. “You forgot what I asked for.”

“Want me to choke you?” He moans, realizing what you mean. “Beg for it.”

“Just choke me, old man.”

He says something, but you don't understand what, and when you feel the cold metal on your neck, you don't even care. You close your eyes in pleasure.

“Like this? Is this what you want?”

“Yeah.” The words barely leave your lips. It feels amazing.

“No dildo can replace my cock, can it?”

“No.” You shake your head. “Nothing can.”

“No other man, either, right?” You feel his wet kiss on your neck. “No other super soldier. Not Steve.”

“Steve?” You can’t believe he’s actually asking this. Is he that jealous?

“No one else.”

You grab him by the hair and force him to look at you while you speak. “I don’t want anyone else. Do you hear me?”

Bucky smiles. “I don't hear you. Can you repeat it?”

“You bastard!” You smack his chest with a big smile.

“Bastard?” Bucky laughs, slowing his thrusts.

“Old bastard.” You laugh with him.

“Fuck, I'm gonna make your ass red.”

“Make me come first,” you say in a challenging tone.

He squeezes the sides of your neck a little harder than before and the pressure makes you dizzy in the best way. “You're so wet for me. So fucking wet and perfect for my cock.”

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. No words, not even moan. Bucky smiles when he feels your whole body trembling and a few of his hair strands fall all over his face. His flesh hand goes to your clit, circling it a couple of times in the middle of your orgasm.

“Oh my fucking god…” You murmur. It’s like your whole body is electrocuted.

“Can you take my come, baby?” He asks squeezing your neck a little more. “Gonna give it to you. Gonna...”

“Yes, please.” It is like a whisper, but you know he can hear you. “Please.”

That's all it takes for him to come. And come. And come. A lot, you can feel it filling you and probably dripping out on the couch because there's so much come. You kiss his forehead and hair, anything you can, still feeling out of this world. It's like you could fly.

You missed this... Feeling like being one with him. Sharing this high. It feels you with all kinds of emotions.

“God, I missed this.”.

“Of course you did.” You giggle.

“Did you not?” He fishes once again before bringing his head to your boobs and licking all over them.

“Fuckkk.” Your laugh turns into moaning. You want to push your breasts more into his mouth. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”

He sucks your right nipple in return. “Ihm.”

“If you keep sucking it I might come again.”

Bucky sucks even more, bringing his vibranium to your other breast.

“Move your hand on my clit,” you say after moaning loudly.

He does it quickly, making sure to tickle you before finally touching your clit. You giggle first, then moan when you feel his mouth sucking on your nipple while his fingers work on your clit. You close your eyes and let yourself enjoy this double stimulation.

“So soft.” You can barely understand what he says while still sucking. You take a sharp breath when your legs start to tremble. He's enjoying every single whimper of yours as he keeps moving his mouth and hand at the same time.

You love hearing the sounds he makes while sucking on your nipple. You run your hands through his hair and enjoy your high to the fullest until it feels too much. You grab his hair and move his mouth away from you.

“That’s… that’s… enough.”

“Why?” He sounds like a little kid.

“I’m… sensitive.”

Bucky takes his mouth off immediately with a pop and kisses you as an apology. You tremble under his touch once again, sighing right after it.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” It’s obvious that you don’t mind. You sound content and satisfied.

He completely gets out of you too while licking his finger. “Gonna get you a towel and a glass of water. And a blanket.”

“Why a blanket?” You look at him confused while Bucky stands up hesitatingly

“For you...”

“Did you sell your bed or something? Are we sleeping here?” You joke.

“I was gonna make you some fries...”

“Fries?” You straighten up a little, surprised.

“Yep. I think I have some pickles, too.”

“Okay.” A warm smile spreads on your face. This is the Bucky you remember. He smiles, too, and goes to the bathroom probably, but you hear his chuckle anyway.

“Come on, one more.” You try to force the fry inside his mouth, but he's a stubborn man.

“They are for you, baby. Eat!”

“If they are for me, I decide what happens to them and I want you to eat one more.”

Bucky rolls his eyes but takes the fry anyway. “Happy?”

“Very.” You take another fry and start chewing. “You know we should talk, right?”

“Well aware, yes.”

“Are we gonna or…” You’re hesitant because it feels good to be like this with Bucky after a long time, but you also know you should be talking and sorting things out.

“I was waiting for you to start.”

“The problem is I don’t know what to say.” Or where to begin. You feel like you’ve already said everything. Or better yet, you screamed it to his face.

“What do you want to know?”

“Are we trying again or are you gonna say this was a mistake?” It’s at the back of your mind. The fear of him leaving again…

“This could never be a mistake, love. I was simply trying to protect you the best way I knew. I will protect you.” He sounds genuine, but it doesn’t change how you feel.

“If you leave me again, it doesn’t matter why, you won’t have another chance.” Your tone is more serious than before. You want him to understand this. You can’t keep playing this back-and-forth game over and over again. You don’t believe in second chances, but this is an exception. The only exception you are ever willing to make because you understand his intentions, how his mind works, how his trauma still hits him. Dealing with Hydra again is a scary thing. You can’t imagine how he felt when he found out.

He looks at you so proud. “I know. I am lucky I got another chance in the first place. I am not even worth it.”

“Stop with the self-degrading talk, will you? I can’t stand it.” You always hated the way he talked about himself. He’s worth everything.

“But it's the truth.”

“I can’t believe you went back where you started the moment you left me. The self-degrading talk, sleeping on the floor…” It bothers you so much, like it’s somehow your fault, but you know it isn’t.

Bucky closes his eyes. He's not proud of it, but there is nothing he could have done to control it. “I am a lost case, I know.”

“Bucky,” you say in a surprisingly firm tone, and he opens his eyes back. “You’re worth everything, but you gotta believe it yourself first. I can’t magically make you see how wonderful you are. I don’t have that kind of power.”

“Sometimes I feel it, but sometimes... there are some really hard days, you know?” He sighs. “The past I had, my Winter Soldier past, too, the mess... it's hard to believe I deserve some kind of peace, but I'm trying.”

You know he is.

“You are a wonderful person, especially when you are not an asshole who thinks he knows the best for everyone.”

“I'm a super soldier, remember? I'm used to making these kinds of decisions.” He gives you a small guilty smile.

“You know what soldiers are meant to do right?” You quickly continue without waiting for an answer. “It’s definitely not making decisions.”

“No?”

“No. Good soldiers follow orders.”

He smiles. “I'm a bad one, don't you know? The worst soldier.”

“Until further notice you are not allowed to make decisions.”

“It's not that simple.”

“No, it’s pretty simple. Don’t tire that beautiful head of yours. It’s not meant to make decisions anyway.” You try to sound like a 40s husband on purpose.

Bucky's head snaps to you. “You sound like my grandfather.”

“So you are familiar how this works.” You finally give him a smile.

“I'm gonna take care of you. No one will hurt you.” He still doesn’t get it, so you decide to explain.

“You will do whatever I say until I trust you to make your own decisions.” Your voice is firm. You don’t like it, to be honest, because you know this is super hard, especially for someone like him... giving away the control knowing everything he's been through, but what choice do you have?

Bucky frowns. “What does that mean?”

“It means if you want me back, you will let me decide on things for a while. You took my choice away and made us both suffer. Letting me decide is how you earn my trust back.”

His stomach aches. “I don't feel... what does that mean? There are many things, I can't just...”

You can see the panic so clearly and you realize how this must have sounded. “Calm down, Bucky. I don’t mean everything. Just things about our relationship.”

“Your safety is off the table,” he says without hesitation, and you’re surprised he doesn’t protest about something else. “You can decide on everything else.”

“Nope. That’s what got us here.” You sound calm.

“You don't understand the level of the danger.” His voice is trembling. “Everything but your safety.”

“You fucking left me over this, Bucky!” You raise your voice a little because what if he finds another Hydra member and tries to leave you again? “How can I trust you and accept this? How can I know you won’t do it again and say it is for my safety?”

“Conditions. Name them all, I am up for it, but I cannot play around with this. I couldn’t sleep for weeks because of it. Please... I need to be in control just in this aspect. I need to protect you.”

You think for a second. “You talk to me first. That’s the condition.”

Bucky leans in and steals your fry, agreeing happily immediately. “Done.”

“And you need to respect my decisions. Even if you don’t like them. I don’t like yours all the time, but…”

“When did I not respect your decisions? I think you are very bright and rational, usually.”

“When you didn’t even ask me and took a decision for me.” You look into his eyes daringly.

“Would you have stayed away from me? And I said usually.”

“I wouldn’t and it would be my decision.” He can’t use this against you.

“Why?”

“I could hide, I could act like we aren’t together, I could act like I hate you, but I can’t stay away.”

“We could never act.” He kisses your forehead.

“Fine. We could only see each other in secret then.” That was another possibility.

He smiles like what you said reminds him of something. “When can we have a date?”

“Tomorrow?”

“I hope you won't change your mind.” He grabs your head and you squeeze it.

“I won’t ever change my mind about you.”

You kiss him before placing the plate on the coffee table and resting your head on his chest where it feels like home.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #sebastian stan #marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader smut #my stories #co written with marvelouslizzie #my fanfics

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jlushie · 1 year

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small crackfic request ??? anwyays, how would Seb, Abigail and Sam (seperately) react/say if you asked them "Would you still love me if i turned into a frog???☹️" HAHA TYSM

I love this idea so much. What more can I say? T0T

I sometimes wonder the exact same thing-

Enjoy this fun little crackfic!

______________________________________________________

Sebastian, Abigail, and Sam with a Farmer Who Asks, "Would you Still Love me if I Turned into a Frog?"

Abigail:

What???

Honestly, she's a bit confused. She had absolutely no idea where that question had even come from. One second you two are playing games and the next you're asking a question like that? What's the connection??

She starts laughing at the silly question. You couldn't mean it literally, right?

"You've been around Sebastian too much babe."

She doesn't take it seriously until you give her that face.

She feels a little bad if she hurt your feelings. She didn't mean to! She just... didn't know you actually meant it so seriously!

"Aww baby don't look so sad it's making me feel bad! You know I'd love you if you were a frog! I'd still love you if you were the slimiest, weirdest looking frog ever!"

Is that a compliment??? Was that an insult?? You don't even know. At least you know she'll be stuck with you forever, right?

Sam:

You instantly got this man giggling. Not in the way Abi was, where he doesn't take you seriously at all, but more of just a flustered, sort of teasing giggle.

"Sunshine, of course I would."

You felt at ease he said it in such a kind way. It instantly makes you sigh in relief.

"...Though, it would be hard. I mean... I wouldn't be able to take you to many places like I do now. Wait... You wouldn't even be able to farm! A chicken might eat you or something too if you try to be cool with other animals! -"

...He's overthinking the question.

He suddenly looks panicked, grabbing you by the shoulders.

"Babe, how are you gonna come to my concerts? What would my family say if you were a frog!?"

He suddenly rests his head on yours, his mouth lifting into a bit of a smirk when out of your view.

"Just don't turn into a frog, okay? That would kinda suck."

Sebastian:

"Yes."

He didn't even think about it. His answer just kinda flew out of his mouth when he comprehended the question at hand.

He gives you a soft smile, resting his face in his hand as he stared at you with pure adoration.

"I'd get you a little frog house and a little frog farm. I'll make sure you're the happiest frog on the planet."

You turned bright red. It was just a goof and a gaff kinda question Seb not a serious life or death one.

He realized what he said, blushing a bit and avoiding your eyes.

"Sorry... Too weird?"

Not even in the slightest. He's just... A cute, frog loving dude T_T

#stardew valley abigail #stardew valley sebastian #stardew valley #stardew valley sam #sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv abigail #stardew valley x reader #stardew valley x farmer #sdv x reader #stardew valley marriage #stardew valley marriage canidates #x reader #x you fluff #stardew valley headcanons #stardew valley bachelors #stardew valley bachelorettes

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plutoslvr · 1 year

Text

Okay so in my last Kevin post, I mentioned I have analysis' on how Kevin isn't a coward and how his trauma still affects him and you guys wanted to read it so here!

Why Kevin Day Isn’t a Coward:

Essentially this comes down to 3 specific points in the fandom and even in the books since people are very adamant about the whole coward thing. The two things that people (in book and fandom-wise) use to argue that Kevin is a coward are:

Kevin is still afraid/ doesn’t stand up to Riko

That he left Jean behind in the nest.

Starting off with the first point. Kevin is still afraid and doesn’t stand up to Riko for the majority of the books. Firstly, we need to understand that Kevin has been abused from an extremely young age in the Nest and was conditioned into thinking that kind of behaviour was normal. And by that I mean specifically Riko’s abuse but before that, it was Coach Moriyama that abused both of them.

He was stuck in the Nest for over a decade where his only role was “property” the entire time. That was all he would ever be to them and additionally to that, he wasn’t even allowed to be better than Riko. His entire life from the very start has been about exy but it was only after his mothers death where it became life or death.

During tfc when Neil finds out how Kevin’s hand really broke Wymack says “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it."

He wasn’t raised to have anything else, exy is quite literally his everything, and without it, he has nothing and nobody. In this same scene, Wymack says, “Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away.”

We never find out in detail what exactly happened to Kevin in the Nest but in TRK when Neil goes there we can see how deluded and obsessed Riko is with Kevin.

Neil moved up alongside him and regretted it almost immediately. Postcards of faraway cities both foreign and domestic were taped to the walls. Beneath each one were scraps of paper. Kevin's now-familiar scrawl listed dates and explanations for the travels. Most of them were games. Some indicated photo shoots and interviews. Books lined the shelves built into the headboard and Neil knew from skimming the spines they were Kevin's. Kevin was majoring in history for reasons Neil couldn't understand; these dry titles were the sorts of things he would find fascinating. It gave Neil chills to see his space preserved like this. It was like Kevin had gone out on an errand, not that he'd transferred to another team entirely.

Riko is so sure that Kevin is going to come back to him because he’s instituted such fear into him, he doesn’t think Kevin has the strength to stand up to him. Which he does, but people don’t seem to realise you can’t undo over a decade's worth of trauma overnight.

Anyway, during Neil’s time in the Nest, he’s treated very similarly to how Kevin would be considering he was in his place but also not as harsh because they had to send Neil back to the Foxes inevitably.

"I am going to love hurting you," Riko said, "like I loved hurting Kevin."

What follows this is Riko tying Neil down and torturing him with a switchblade. By the time Neil leaves the Nest he doesn’t remember anything from the experience- he was so traumatised by it that he doesn’t remember it at all. (It also kinda sucks how Neil gets more sympathy for being in the nest for 2 weeks than Kev did for being there for over a decade.)

Putting this into perspective, Kevin went through that for so much longer and doesn’t get nearly enough of the same sympathy Neil did. Neil returned and Kevin got punched for letting him go even though he tried persuading Neil not to. Kevin has always had Neil’s best interest at heart.

Kevin shook his head and bulled on when Neil started to argue. "The master wants to salvage you. He's going to sign you to the Raven lineup in spring. So long as you keep quiet and keep your head down he won't tell the main family he's found you." "I'm not a Raven," Neil said. "I never will be." "Then run," Kevin insisted, low and frantic. "It's the only way you'll survive."

Kevin was willing to sacrifice the only chance he had to prove his autonomy to the Moriyamas if it meant Neil would be safe. Without Neil, they wouldn’t have enough players to qualify and they wouldn’t be able to play at all. (Again: “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it.")

Not to mention the whole “Kevin was silent for an endless minute, then said, "You should be Court." It was barely a whisper, but it cut Neil to the bone. It was a resentful goodbye to the bright future Kevin had wanted for Neil. Kevin recruited Neil because he believed in Neil's potential. He brought him to the Foxes intending to make a star athlete out of him. Despite his condescending attitude and his dismissals of Neil's best efforts Kevin honestly expected Neil to make the national team after graduation.

And even after that, he promised to teach Neil, because at the end of the day, Neil was still Neil and he never gave up on him once.

And Neil understood that being on the run for 8 years was more preferable to the Nest.

“But all Neil had to do was look at Kevin to know he would have hated that life

too.”

Sorry I kinda went off track there anyway we can also see how much Riko’s presence still affects Kevin especially in scenes like the Kathy Ferdinand show.

“Any animosity Neil felt toward Kevin for forcing him onto this show evaporated. He couldn't be angry when Riko was here, not when Riko was to Kevin what Neil's father was to him. Petty anger had nothing on this full-fledged terror.”

Obviously, we all know what a dickhead Neil’s dad was to him so Neil comparing the fear of his father being similar to Kevin’s fear of Riko is so important because it just puts into perspective how afraid Kevin is here face-to-face with his abuser the first time since said abuser permanently disabled him.

But what I don’t think is that Kevin has been standing upto Riko since the start because right after this when they were backstage, Kevin physically stopped Riko from hurting Neil even if it meant getting hurt by Riko again.

A black look twisted Riko's expression into something ugly and unrecognizable. He reached for Neil, but Kevin caught his arm to stop him. Riko slammed his elbow back into Kevin's face without missing a beat.

This scene is probably the best to describe how downright afraid Kevin is of Riko but there are others when Kevin has multiple panic attacks at just the thought of Riko or being in the same vicinity as him and rightfully so! Riko abused him, manipulated him and then took away the only thing he had. And Kevin was just forced to think this was okay.

And a lot of characters and fans see his fear as cowardice instead of a normal trauma response. This is also because Neil tends to speak out more against Riko than Kevin (You know I get it…) but unlike Neil, Kevin has had direct repercussions towards him for the “mistake” of talking back to Riko which of course makes him hesitant.

He knows the Moriyamas could drag him back at any moment and he's terrified of that happening.

Which leads to the second bit of “Kevin doesn’t stand up to Riko.” when many times, he has.

The most prominent example is in TRK, just after the foxes lost their first match to the ravens.

“You have fallen so far, Kevin. You should have stayed down and saved us the trouble of forcing you back to your knees." "I'm satisfied," Kevin said. It was the last response any of the Foxes expected from him. They forgot about Riko in favor of gaping at Kevin. "Not with their score or performance, but with their spirit. I was right. There's more than enough here for me to work with."

Kevin chose the foxes over the ravens- over Riko. He doesn’t allow their loss to become something Riko can use against him but instead something to affirm his current standing with them. This is also the first game Andrew played without his meds meaning he’s crashed by the end of it.

Kevin distracted the Ravens from Andrew's unsteadiness by facing them.

Kevin willingly turned to talk to his ex-abuser and his team if it meant Andrew wouldn’t be under fire. Most people only see Kevin and Andrew as Andrew protecting Kevin but Kevin protected Andrew just as much.

And of course we have the whole tattoo removal and the last exy match against the foxes but I need everyone to understand that those are so so so important. Kevin spent the entire series save the last quarter of the last book viewing himself as Riko’s property. Riko refers to him as such and even without Riko near him, his control is still strong over Kevin.

So Kevin removing his tattoo and replacing it with something with a higher hierarchical structure than Riko’s status as king is so detrimental, it’s a turning point for him because he’s viewing himself as his own person now. And Kevin scoring the winning goal brings us full circle because the last time he did that with Riko, he ended up disabled and shunned.

This brings me to my second point about Kevin running away from the nest. Alot of people see Kevin escpaing from the nest and leaving behind Jean as an act of cowardice. This bit gets a bit complicated because in no way shape or form am I trying to compare trauma’s or anything like that.

But to continue on. The ravens had a very strict policy that we got to see during Neil's experience one of which being that no matter how injured they were, they were still expected to show up to practice. The more mistakes they made the more punishment they'd find themselves in. Not showing was practically a death wish.

Now Kevin having his hand fucking broken would mean thay either he doesn't practise and get punished or practise with his fucked up hand and further damage it. If he stayed I wholeheartedly believe he would've died.

He ran away to save his life and that will never be cowardice not once. He didn't go to Wymack immediately when he found out because he knew what kind of target he'd paint on Wymacks back.

"He was trying to protect him," Neil said. "If Coach knew Kevin was his son, he'd have tried to take him from Edgar Allan." Nicky grimaced. "They'd have never let Kevin go."

He only left when he had no other option. He had nothing left, the one thing he did have was taken away from him, he had no purpose and for once Riko didn't care enough about him to pay attention. And he used that to run.

Leaving Jean behind was something he always regretted, but it was a game of survival. Jean was a gift to the Moriyamas, he was also property to them and couldn't leave. And if the roles were reversed I strongly believe Jean would've done the same thing.

Also Kevin finds a place for him layer with the trojans because he knew that being a fox wouldn't be good for him.

"He isn't safe with us," Kevin said. "I won't give him false hope."

Staying in the nest would've been suicide for Kevin. He's one of the biggest victims in the series but nobody talks about it enough I fear and there's so much to learn about him via context clues etc.

And the saddest thing in my opinion is that Kevin knew was it was like to be loved, he was raised by his mother for a few years before going to the Moriyamas.

ANYWAY to conclude, I suck at essays and I hope I've worded everything well and what I'm trying to say gets across. Kevin is not a coward, never has been a coward and never will be. He's survived through such a damaging and abusive environment only to get moved to a separate environment where everyone just ridicules his defense tactics and he has no real sense of support.

His reasons for what he does always stems from the fact the he doesn't want to go back to being under Riko and Coach Moriyamas "care" and that he's afraid. And most of the time it's things he can't shake from the nest.

Like when he pushes the foxes its so they're always at their best and so none of them get hurt or punished for mistakes. He pushed himself the hardest because he doesn't want to directly affect his teammates.

Or the celebrity persona he was forced to develop.

Or how he makes sure everyone is staying healthy and that they don't force themselves to play when sick or injured because he knows what it's like to be forced to play like that day after day.

AND IVE GONE OFF COURSE AGAIN yeah I kinda mashed together both analysis' of how Kevin's trauma from the nest affects him and how he's not a coward into one thing AND THIS IS SUPER LONG so if ur still here thank you very much for reading I really hope this makes sense

#kevin days defense lawyer right here #this is the longest thing ive ever posted on tumblr #aftg #kevin day #aftg kevin #neil josten #aftg neil #andrew minyard #matt boyd #aftg series #aftg andrew #andriel #kandreil #kevneil #kandrew #david wymack #riko moriyama #FUCK HIM #jean moreau

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turbulentscrawl · 5 months

Note

BUNS HEAR ME OUT.

Top 5 most protective survivors with the ‘who did this to you’ trope.

Let’s just say their S/O gets injured maybe in a match and it’s evident by the damage of the body that it’s definitely not accidental as they claim. So we get a “who did this?”

Maybe this could be a HC for you to do one day lol

Oh this one is quick and easy! I did go back and forth on the exact order here, but these are my top 5s. There is some overlap with the one I just did, but for the sake of changing it up a bit we’ll say that in this case your injuries are obviously also not from a Hunter.

Ganji is at the top because I think he’d be the most emotionally reactive to this specific situation. He’s not as severe as Naib in his revenge, but survivors hurting survivors is a big deal. Like, you’re all stuck here, in limbo, suffering, and some bitch thinks they’re going to start turning it into a free-for-all, too? Fuck no. He feels bad about it later, but he is a little aggressive while trying to get you to admit who did it. He’ll soften a bit if it was a genuine accident, but he still thinks everyone’s been here too long for simple carelessness to be an excuse. If it wasn’t an accident? There are unspoken rules here, and if the manor isn’t going to enforce them, Ganji sure as fuck will.

Naib still has to have a place here, but he’s a smidge lower because his anger is more controlled and calculating. His protective urges in general are pretty off-the-charts and, while he can’t do much about a Hunter hurting you in a game since that’s kinda the point, he can do something about a fellow survivor. He won’t press you too hard while you’re recovering, but frankly it doesn’t matter if you won’t tell him how it happened or who did it. He’s spent years of his life digging up information about targets and this is no different. If anything, it’s easier because he knows the culprit was someone else in the match with you.

Patricia comes after Naib and Ganji because her emotions lean towards desperation more than anger or bitterness. She’s been itching for someone deserving to lay her blood curse on, and this is the perfect opportunity. Someone who was supposed to be an ally has hurt her love? That’s rotten. That’s sinful. She won’t leave you be until you spill who did it. She’s gentle, of course, but every waking moment she spends with you during recovery is spent asking or subtly coaxing you to admit what happened. She’ll give up on asking after several days, but will forever be watching to see if your interactions with the others change. If she suspects anyone in particular, they’re gonna have a little chat.

Andrew can’t see what reason a fellow survivor would have to hurt you, but then he really can’t see reason at all when he’s so angry. He’s not nearly as likely as the others to go out of his way for revenge after-the fact, and he’s not intuitive enough to find out who did it if you won’t tell him…but FUCK he’s mad. Andrew just spends the next few days stewing in anger, tense, sucking his teeth, and cursing randomly in quiet moments. If you or someone else from your match tells him who did it, he makes it clear that he isn’t doing shit for them going forward. Oh, what’s that, they got chaired? Downed? Well, guess they’re fucked. He’d rather take the match loss than save their sorry ass.

Orpheus’s exact reaction is going to depend a bit on when you catch him with all of this. Getting hurt in the matches is normal and frankly he’s a bit numbed to it in most circumstances. But this isn’t a normal match wound, is it, dear? Some of his personalities are more reactive than others, and all of them are quite good at digging. He was a detective, after all. In short, he would appreciate it if you told him who hurt you…but even if you won’t snitch, rest assured he will find out. Whatever happens after that depends on which personality is in charge at the time.

#idv x reader #identity v x reader #orpheus x reader #andrew kreiss x reader #patricia dorval x reader #naib subedar x reader #ganji gupta x reader #turbulentscrawl #multiple idv characters

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adventuringblind · 8 months

Text

Drive with you Forever

Chapter Twelve: New Beginnings

Max Verstappen x Charles Leclerc x Lando Norris x Reader x Oscar Piastri (I added a fifth because why the hell not)

Chapter summary: reader is clueless, Oscar recounts his time with alpine, Daniel is still a menace, someone is kidnapped… again

Warnings: talks of abuse, toxic workplace, blood, gore, kidnapping, drugging, sexual innuendo, no actual depiction of smut but it’s talked about and alluded to what their doing, dom/sub themes for a second, passing out, panic attacks, alcohol consumption

Notes: this is a long chapter and I did not intend for it to get as dark as it did but like… I swear it just happens. Also I apologize to the Alpine fans I needed them to be the bad guy.

Previous <-

Masterlist

Life is filled with highs and lows. Vast new experiences to explore with those you love.

Something she never thought was an option for Seb came and rescued her when she was fifteen. Now it’s something she experiences almost daily.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket. Their group chat had been going nonstop for the last hour. Everyone stuck waiting for interviews and other media duties.

Except for her. She was lucky enough to be curled of in a chair with a tablet, data rolling across her screen.

Lan: *image*

Lan: I made Oscar blush again

Maxy: you’re going to kill him if you keep going like this

Charlie: what did you do this time?

Lan: this time was an accident! All I did was bring up y/n!

Y/N: me? Why would I make him blush.

Charlie: sometimes I know I’m oblivious, but this is ridiculous

Lan: the poor kid is crushing HARD

Y/N: he’s so sweet

Y/N: he brought me water while we were in Miami with a cute note attached

Y/N: you three should take notes

Maxy: do you need a reminder of why you love us so much?

Y/N: previous statement redacted

Lan: no! Don’t redact! It could’ve been fun!

Charlie: you’re just tired of being the only one who gets in trouble

Lan: am not!

Lando looks at the Australian next to him. “Looks like we’re going to have to try something else.”

“Listen, I appreciate the effort, but have you considered your girlfriend doesn’t like me back?” Oscar grimaces at his own sentence. The concept not new. He’s been around long enough to understand. But it sounds weird coming out of his mouth.

“Well she almost got herself in trouble talking about you. I’d take that as a sign.”

“What about the other two?”

“Listen mate, they know I like you- well y/n does because I tell her more then everyone else. And this whole thing wasn’t simple at the start.”

“What do you mean?”

Lando thinks back on the memories of the interesting dynamic they had at first. “Apparently when two became three, it took ages for Charles to figure things out. He wasn’t sure how to act around Max. So they determined maybe he’d just do more with y/n. An agreement they were all comfortable with. Until the first time they did the devils tango.” Lando wiggles his eyebrows and the Australian flushes again.

“What about you then? Was it easy for you?”

“Absolutely not.” Lando laughs about it now but at the time he was stressed. “I lived with them during Covid. I had fallen head over heals for y/n, but I thought since I wasn’t there yet with the other two that it wouldn’t work.”

“Obviously you were wrong.”

“It took time but I figured it out. Them also. It’s not like this happened overnight.”

Lando looks at the boy next to him. He’d admittedly been crushing on him since the start of the year. His calm demeanor a stark contrast to his own. It was… refreshing, in a way.

Oscar also liked him, which helped, and the female he was currently trying to win over also does. The hard part is she hasn’t figured it out, and the red and blue guard dogs were hesitant to let him get close. Which sucks in its own way because who the hell wouldn’t be crushing on Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc.

The McLaren garage is one of her favorite places to be. They always had the best snacks here. She often found herself sneaking into Lando's room just to raid his stash.

She opens the door to his room and is met with Lando standing above Charles and Max.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No, I'm attempting to explain my predicament."

She looks between the three. The Monegasque and Dutch just look completely unfazed.

"Is this a hard on type of predicament? Or an Oscar predicament?"

"You knew?" Max and Charles both yell at the same time.

"Did you forget I can see the future? I just wanted to see how long it would take without me."

"Lando, we're glad you found someone, but we hardly know the guy."

It's not that they don't like him, but after everything they've been together, it can be hard to trust new people. Especially when their female partner is straight from a movie.

"Can we invite him over then? For dinner or something?"

Max and Charles relent. The Brit smiling like an idiot when they say yes.

Oscar knocks on the door to the hotel room. Nervous is not how he would describe his feelings. More like petrified.

Lando is the one who greets him. His signature goofy smile on his face. He basically bounds in to the room, excited to welcome Oscar into their home away from home.

The female is nowhere in sight, and Max and Charles are sitting at opposite ends of the small table with their arms crossed.

"Don't let them intimidate they're just a but... protective." Lando seems to shrug them off like no big deal, but Oscar is shaking out of his clothes (figuratively).

"Lan, last time we invited someone in it didn't end well." Reminds Max in a tone that makes Lando almost halt to attention. Which is weird because as far as Oscar knows, the Brit listens to no one.

"That was different."

Charles is shaking his head in disbelief. Whatever happened last time must have been bad. He definitely dosen't want to make them uncomfortable with this. "I can go if this is uncomfortable. I promise I'm not meaning to start drama or anything." Oscar manages to slip the words past his lips, but the unease doesn't go unnoticed.

"It's not that. I'd just rather bit see Lan have a breakdown and y/n unconscious like that again." Explains Max.

Okay, so whatever happened was bad. Oscar now has no idea what to do and had thrown every plan he had out the window.

Thankfully, he's saved by the bell as the fourth part of the quartet comes through the door. "Sorry, I ran into Seb, and he said his coffee pot in his room isn't working, so I offered to go fox it, and -" She abruptly stops her rant and stares at Oscar for a second. "Hello, Oscar." She greets warmly.

The takeout boxes she'd been holding now neatly set along the table. Lando now moving to sit at the table and gesturing for Oscar to sit with them. He does so hesitantly. Taking a spot between the female and the Brit.

"Are you going over tonight?"

"If I have time, yes, or I'll just go early in the morning."

"Seb seems more like a tea guy. Are we sure that he's not been possessed?"

"As his child, I can assure you he drinks coffee more then you might think."

Oscar listens to how the conversa flows so easily between them. He feels awkward and out of place. They fit so well together. Even if they let him in, how's he going to fit? What if he ruins it?

It takes him a minute to realize they are all looking at him. Lando is attempting to get his attention. "Hello? Earth to Oscar?"

"Sorry, I zoned out for a minute."

"Oh, I just asked how you're feeling with McLaren after the whole alpine mess. We don't have to talk about it, though." The female smiles warmly at him again. Maybe she pulled them all in with that smile because he's certainly struggling to not let it consume his thoughts.

"No, it's fine. Like I said, my head just spaced. I definitely like McLaren better if I'm being honest."

"Bet it's because of your amazing teamate." Lando send him a suggestive wink.

"Well, yes, but Alpine did some things I'm not proud of sharing...." He trails. His mind whirled about what he's saying. He can't just dump his trauma on them!

"What do you mean by that?" Probes Charles. It's not mean or prying. It's gentle and caring. There's a concern in his eyes that he's not seen someone have when he brings up the Alpine situation.

"Being a third driver sucks and it feels mostly like assistant work at times." He sucks in a breath through his teeth. Lando had moved his hand over the top of his, and he couldn't help but feel thankful for the contact. "I was definitely used and overworked before the contract stuff, but it got so much worse after."

The female is looking tentatively between her counterparts. Like asking permission for something.

"It's up to you if you tell him, but please don't scare the poor kid like we did Lando." Chuckles, Max. It's almost unerving to hear such things

"Oscar-" starts the girl as she fumbles around for her words. "There are things I can do, aren't you exactly... normal." She looks around the table for support, and the three boys nod her on with encouragement. She gently grabs Oscar's hand and sets it on the table face up. "If you'll allow me, I can see those memories without you having to talk about them."

He's skeptical, to say the least, but the way the other three are looking at her makes him think she's not lying. "Sure." He shrugs. The curious side of him winning out.

She sets her palm against his. Her skin is so hot it almost burns him. He can feel the back of his brain tickling, and then he loses focus of the present moment.

He's at the Alpine Headquarters. But he's watching himself stride into the room instead if doing it. He's watching his own memories.

"Kinda cool isn't it?"

"Wha?- how?-"

"I can explain more later, but for now, you're in control of what we see."

"This is a week after I signed." He almost wants to run away as he sees himself aproach his team principle and other various staff.

He listens as he gets berated and made to feel selfish. Threats of him always being in debt to the team make him shiver.

Then, the scene changes. The colors and scenery morphs before his eyes. He knows exactly what this is.

The woman beside him offers him her hand, which he gratefully takes.

"We can stop at any point." She reminds him gently. But this is easier. Showing her instead of talking makes it so she can see without him having to listen to his voice crack every thirty seconds.

It's cold outside, the November air hitting his face. His superiors are yelling at him again, just outside the paddock entrance.

He remembers the feeling of holding back tears well. The lump in his throat, trying to break free as he fights it back.

The hand that comes down on his cheek still surprises him. Even at twenty-one it hurt when he felt like it shouldn't. This had been the routine for awhile now. They blame him for the teams mishaps since he created so much drama.

He was so fed up at this point that he just let it continue like it had been since he confirmed that he signed with McLaren.

He was nothing more than a toll before, and he was still one now. He hated every minute of it.

Then nothing.

He's pulled abruptly from the scene like he's awaking from a dream. He wakes up with an oddly comforting sensation running through his body. His hand still entwined with the females.

But she's not awake, and his brain still feels like it's prickling.

He disconnects himself from her, alerting the other three boys that he's once again conscious.

"How'd it go?" Asks Lando, his eyebrows quirked with curiosity.

"If therapy was like that, I think the world would be a better place. Like... I feel oddly warm, and my body feels amazing. Not like- in a weird way."

Charles halts all movement. "You mean you feel good? Like someone took all the ailments your body might have had and made them go away?"

"Uh yeah- exactly that. How do you know?" Then Charles is bolting to get Max, who had just walked into a different part of the room.

Lando hands Oscar a tissue. "For your nose." he hadn't even realized the his nose was bleeding.

Then Lando gently moves back the girl's body. Carefully making her head sit upright. "Oh god." Oscar breathes as he catches a glimpse of her.

"Don't worry, she'll be alright. This is a newer thing to her so she's still testing the limits."

"You mean this has happened before?!" Oscar won't deny the panic rising in his chest. The girls eyes are stuck in the back of her head, bloody tears roll down her cheeks. The same crimson color pooling out of her ears and nose. Her forehead is slick with sweat dampening her hair.

Did he kill her?

"Yeah, in the past more. It's better now because she can find the limits. But again, this is new."

Max and Charles return with rags. Then they move her to their bed and get to work cleaning her up. Lando moves to her side and starts speaking to her, and after about ten minutes, Oscar feels the prickly sensation in his head vanish.

Was she stuck in his head?

Her eyes roll back and close completely. Her chest now heaving in a steady pattern. Oscar releases a breath he didn't know he was holding at the sight.

Charles offers him a reassuring smile. "She must trust you."

"Why me? What makes you say that?"

"Because you're now a part of the 'I know y/n is a superhero club.'" The comment sends the three into a fit of laughter. It makes Oscar able to relax.

Then they just talk while waiting for her to wake up. Staying nervous in case something happened.

They explained everything to him. Her vulnerability with her powers and what they'd been through in Abu Dhabi.

No wonder they're so protective.

As they talked, he realized more about their dynamic. He doesn't have to fit into the puzzle in some specific way. He just needs to be himself and communicate with everyone.

When the girl finally opens her eyes, she looks for him immediately. A warm smile appears on her face when she finds him.

Then he explained what happened with Alpine. The entire reason she'd gone into his head was so he didn't have to talk about it. Yet, the comforting and supportive atmosphere made it easy.

It was late, and they offered to let him stay. He accepted the couch at first before Charles and Lando were just shaking their heads no.

"Listen, they roped us in with the sleep. I swear to you, it seals the deal." Lando winks, and he can't retell if it's suggestive or not.

And he's right. Somehow, wearing a mixture of comfy clothes provided by them and laying peacefully in bed, enjoying each other's presence makes him wake up feeling the best he's ever felt.

"I think I'm sold if you are."

The funny thing about Max's first championship title back in 2021 is that they tried to come out, and people collectively said no. Deeming the moments as a burst of energy from Max and that the four are 'best friends.' Which is ridicoulus considering the fact they've been caught kissing each other on different occasions after that.

Some got it, some didn't understand it, and others decided to slander them for it.

The four blamed the PR teams for doing their job too well. It wasn't bad, it just makes things difficult from time to time.

This is one of those occasions.

They aren't saying anything about Oscar yet. Mainly because people are going to say what they want. Oscar is still a rookie, and he could get slammed if people found out. Claiming it as an attempt to get a better spot in the sport.

So it was back to hiding in the small motor home rooms. Unless it's Max, whose room is actually a decent size. This is why all five have ended up here; an hour before the race and taking a minute to get ready. Unless you're the female who is still actively reading through data.

'Mon amour, you can spend two minutes away from your work." Sighs the Monegasque.

She just shakes her head. Almost looking like she's ignoring him.

Charles turns to Max, and the Dutch nods his head sending him a wink. Lando is practically shaking in his spot next to Oscar, and the Australian has no clue why. He just observes what's happening with an open kind, as he's done with everything the last month.

"Sounds like someone isn't listening." Smirks Charles. The female body halts movement at his words. She hastily scrambles to her knees in front of him and hands him her work tablet.

"'mm sorry." She mumbles.

Oscar gets it now. He'd watched them a few times and had participated in a few scenes. Needless to say it was the best sex he'd ever had and doesn't think he could go back.

But this is different. Normally, she doesn't need to apologize because she does everything right. She looks so disappointed in herself as she stares at the floor. They all knew work had taken its toll on her this week. Sergio is struggling to keep up with Max, which meant she had to help figure out where the problem is. She'd had little sleep trying to figure it out and was still working on it even before the race.

Charles bends down to her level. "It's okay Chéri. We’ve just know how stressed you've been and want you to take a break. So how about this: do you want to spend the next hour helping the four of us get ready?"

The way her eyes light up has all four of them melting. It takes approximately fifteen minutes for everyone's clothes to be discarded in a pile.

Limbs are sprawled everywhere, and everyone is enjoying it. Until a certain male comes to the door.

Daniel had a lack of understanding for boundaries. Which means he just opens door without knocking. Unless it’s locked, which is currently not the case.

“Hey Max, Christ-“

Everyone freezes. Daniel is staring like a deer caught in headlights, Max is yelling at him to get out, Charles is trying to shield the females body from view and Lando has Oscar wrapped protectively in the corner.

It not like they were all completely naked, aside from Charles and the girl now having his shirt pulled over her body, but the fact that Daniel won’t close the door is getting frustrating.

Finally, Daniel turns and walks away. Max determining he will be going through the Australians camera roll later today and have another talk about boundaries.

“Everyone okay?” A chorus of yes’ follow Max’s question.

“Doe he do that often?” Pipes Oscar, his head peaking around the corner.

“You have no idea.”

Lewis Hamilton notices things. He has a keen eye for detail. So despite their best efforts, he knew Oscar had joined in to make the quartet now a quintet.

It’s ridiculous, he thinks, that they can fight it out on the track and still go home to each other at the end of the night.

That’s what led him to this phone call. “I swear to you Seb, she’s collecting them.”

“And I swear if that’s anything less then a compliment I’ll force a Redbull can down your throat.”

“No need to get violent, I just don’t get how they manage. Aren’t you worried?”

“No.” The deadpan in his voice makes Lewis ishiver with the fear of an angry protective Seb. “For some reason I think it was meant to be.”

“And if one of them hurts her?”

“Then there are three others to make sure she knows she’s still loved.”

Oscar had caught on quickly to the less typical rules of the house. Like how Charles is not allowed anywhere near the kitchen and the unspoken shower schedule.

He’d found his place with them and now feels as though they are in step with each other. The white board on the wall by the door is littered with notes and reminders to keep communication flowing.

Tonight, however, is interesting because it’s just him and her. The other three having gone out to a club on their off weekend. The other two opting to stay home and chill.

Oscar grabs out their favorite snacks then climbs back into bed with her. He’d felt strongly for her after she was in his head. Something the other four have felt as well. This invisible rope pulling them to each other. Like she has bonded them by more then something as simple as love.

“Did you pick out something to watch?”

“Yep! I wish the boys would let us watch true crime when they’re home.” She curls herself into Oscar and hits play.

“They are just a little paranoid sometimes.” He kisses the top of her head. Another unspoken rule of the house: physical contact is the best way to communicate. Its something he’s used to already, three sisters who’s have similar love languages can teach you a lot.

“I don’t see why they would be. I can stop any intruder with my mind powers.” She snickers as herself.

The three boys stumble up to their apartment. All of them having to much to drink but are still able to walk- with the support of the wall, of course.

They fall through the door, kick off their shoes and fall into bed. The three so disoriented themselves that they didn’t see the disarray of the apartment on their way in.

Sleep taking over so quickly that they couldn’t see the hastily scribbled note peaking out from under the lamp.

The light from the room sears into Oscars eyes as he tries to wake himself up. His head is pounding and the white walls of the room are not helping.

Where is he?

He sits himself up in the stiff bed. His surroundings are entirely unfamiliar. It’s a cell of some sort. The mirror in the middle of the wall can tell him that much. Most likely somone is watching him from the other side.

But why?

They went to bed last night fine. The three were still at the club while the other two were curled up in bed. There was a knock at the door, loud enough to wake both of them. They assumed is was their, most likely, drunken partners.

Instead she had been greeted by the familiar face of the man who ran away during the Abu Dhabi incident. Her reaction time was much better then his. Oscar opened the door and was of the floor seconds later. A large needle now sticking out of his partners arm.

Yet she didn’t fall.

Most likely it was the same drug used in her before. She’d told Oscar about when her father got to her at a race. How he’d managed to knock her out in a similar way.

She’d protected him from the drug and now she needed to get them both away safely.

The apartment was in shambles when they’d finally sedated him also. The first guy having brought back-up with him. She could have managed one, but six made it difficult and she took a beating.

Not like Oscar got out unscathed either. He could feel where his ribs are most likely cracked and the bruises on his skin hurt when he puts any sort of pressure on them. There’s a few lines of dried blood from cuts and his lip is split from whoever punched him in the face.

He’d managed to scribble out a note while they were focused in her. He knew he wasn’t winning this and the phone is risky since it could take to long. He settled for a note he prayed they would see. Then they came after him.

Where the hell is he and where the hell is she?

She’s not here with him. The panic settling into his bones as he realizes that she’s not here with him.

His head is pulsing. His vision is starting to swim. He can’t even get a word out as sleep takes hold of him again.

Charles wakes up first. He smiles when he sees Lando and Max still snoring, assuming the other two who probably got decent sleep are up and about.

The room is an absolute mess. It looks like they threw their own party.

Nope, definitely not. Neither of them really like parties. Maybe they decided to have their own fun last night. If that’s the case then he’s already making plans for later.

He ventures to the kitchen for water. Something unnerving settling over him as he sees it’s not just their room, but the whole flat. Furniture has been flipped, shelves are knocked over, glass is broken, and the blood spatters in the floor make him want to vomit.

“Max!” He yells. His body paralyzed from the sight. “Max! Lando! Please you need to see this!”

The other two come around the corner disoriented. They have a similar reaction to the monegasque.

Max quickly gets his head straight and begins searching the house for any sign of their younger lovers.

Nothing.

Aside from a hastily scribbled note shoved under the lamp.

Three words and a name: attacked, drugged, help, Oscar.

Max feels his chest ready to explode. How could he have let this happen again? It makes no sense. They were supposed to be safe here. They were supposed to be able to move in and live without fear.

He supposes fate works in cruel ways.

The security footage was less then helpful. The authorities invaded everyone’s personal space. Seb is in a plane to Monaco but wouldn’t be here til later. And ti top it all off, the front security person lay lifeless in the security office.

It couldn’t get any worse and Lando is forced to watch it all. Watching his lovers, one of them also his teammate, get dragged down the fire escape stairs that run through the building was not in his bucket list.

So he sits and he stares and he breaths. His mind trying to explain the situation to him over and over agin.

The authorities had been taking them in for questioning. He’d gotten done first. The officer said he should get some water. He obviously looks distressed.

Maybe he deserves to feel like he can’t breath. Maybe that’s how they felt when they realized what was happening.

A figure slumps themselves down next to him.

Max.

“Is this our fault?” He mumbles out.

Max pulls Land into him. “My mind wants to think so, but I know it’s not.”

“How do you know?” Lando looks up at Max. The Dutch is staring off into the distance, pondering how to put it into words.

“Even if we were here and sober when it happened, they would have gotten us too. Her visions only provide so much information at given times and even though we’re fit and can surely hit hard, they are combat trained.”

“So you’re saying we wouldn’t have made a difference.” Lando’s voice cracks at the suggestion.

“No, not at all what I’m saying. We would have had a better chance but things have played out this way. Now we have to get them back because we’re the only ones who can.” Max explains. His hands find Lando’s hair and comfortingly plays with his curls. “We’ll find them Lan, I promise.”

Both if them sit in silence for a few moments before they are interrupted by angry strings of French.

“I’ve lost my language! Nobody understands my French, my English, my Italian!” Shouts the frustrated monegasque. A less then happy officer just shakes their head in defeat.

“What do you reckon he’s on about?”

“Probably how everyone has been asking that same question.”

Oscar is pulled from his restless slumber by a new figure. A familiar face.

y/n.

He knows this is probably a dream. He only has so much time to bask in her warmth before he wakes up for real.

“Oscar please wake up. We need to go.” There’s a frantic urgency in her voice. She shaking his shoulders.

“Are you real?” Whatever they’d been dosing him with to keep him sedated after he tried to break the mirror had caused him to hallucinate a few times. They’d wake him up at set times to eat and use the bathroom, then would put him back to sleep. His arms now have small circular outlines from the constant jab on needles.

She cuts his face with her hands. “I’m real and can get us out but we don’t have much time.”

Oscar shoots himself out of bed. A discarded needle on the floor and the sore spot on his arm tells him she figured out how to wake him up from his unwanted slumber.

He takes a minute to asses her. She’s in new clothes. Well- not new, just different. A pair of basketball shirts and a t-shirt four sizes to big with holes taking up more then the fabric.

She bleeding in multiple places and it looks like she’s struggling to breathe. There is so much to process about everything wrong with the picture. She looks absolutely wrecked. But then again, maybe he doesn’t look that much better.

His ribs don’t hurt as he stands. Actually, he feels shockingly good and- “please tell me you didn’t heal me.”

She sets her eyes in the floor and takes his hand in hers.

He’s got shoes on and she doesn’t, he notes.

It feels oddly empty and he wonders where they are. It looks like some sort of old bunker. It’s dark and musty as he sets foot outside the door.

She puts him along with her. The girls head scanning everything for potential threats. He’d never seen her so focused.

There’s heavy footsteps echoing through the corridors. Shouts can be heard from down the hall. The girl leading him is getting more unstable by the second. He can see her body swaying.

He notices the blood spatters on the walls but doesn’t say anything about it. He just lets her guide him out, his head still foggy from everything.

Her steps get slower and his body reacts quicker then hers. She doesn’t touch the floor as Oscar scoops her into his arms.

He knows they can’t stay here. It’s absolutely freezing, both of them are shivering. He treks with her a while longer. Relief hits him as he finds a secluded corner.

He just needs to rest a minute. Why’s it so cold in here? He knows his body is exhausted. It’s not going to let him continue. It’s not like a race where he can keep the adrenaline flowing.

He holds the girl close to him. Her lips are trembling and blue.

Just a minute, he tells himself, then he’ll will them both out of here.

Search party’s became their best bet.

They’d ruled out them leaving the country. Monaco is a small place so it would be hard for someone to slip away unnoticed. Last time she was taken, someone caught them with her but didn’t know she was being kidnapped. They came forward with their information.

Similarly, someone said they recognized Oscar in the back of a car asleep.

Amateurs.

Sebastian has been searching for them day and night. Hanna and the kids have moved themselves to Monaco for the time being.

Two weeks.

The other three had to reluctantly go back to racing. It was only after lengthy discussion with their teams that they did. Lando was suffering from missing a teammate and now lover.

Oscars family had also been involved. They didn’t understand what was happening. So many questions that Seb wanted to answer but couldn’t for his own daughters safety.

He knew they would be okay. If only he could find them.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. It’s close to midnight and the caller ID is unknown. He answered expecting the worst but hoping for the best.

“Dad.” It didn’t matter how static and broken the word was, he knew it was her.

“Y/N? Where are you love?” He wanted to ask if she was okay but that had to come later. After he finds her.

A static group of numbers is mumbled through. He grabs an writing utensil and scratches it down in the nearest surface. Disregard for their hotel the furthest thing from his mind.

Her heavy breathing fill his ears. “I’m gonna come get you, okay?”

She’s panting and he can hear her moving. Voices in the background speaking English. He can hear every second of her screams getting quieter as they drag her away from him.

Lando nearly dropped his phone.

He’d done a race without Oscar and it was the worst thing he’d ever done in his career.

He’d lost lovers for a second time in the span of two years.

Now Seb is saying he knows where they are.

It’s only Thursday meaning they can fly back. There is still time. But he needed to get to Charles and Max who reluctantly are in a press conference. Where most likely answering questions about the missing female and Australian.

Lando runs. He’s never run so fast but his legs a caring him at top speeds.

He bursts through the door. Everyone stares at him and he freezes for a moment before he remembers why he’s here.

“They found them.”

Charles had never been so cold in his life. These tunnels they’re meandering around in seem neverending.

The area had hopefully been cleared of everyone who wanted to hurt them and now they were able to join the search parties.

Seb and Hanna had gone a different direction then the three boys. Hopefully they would be able to cover more ground this way. Oscars parents would be here when they could. They’d flown back to Australia to take care of some things with his sisters and they would all be flying back together.

Max sent his jet for them so they didn’t have to wait on a flight.

Charles looks between his the Dutch and Brit. They’d had little sleep the last couple of weeks. Angry at the world for what it’s putting them through.

They’d been staying in the same hotel as Seb in case something happened. Their apartment is still trashed and it’s not like it’s safe there anymore anyway.

“Oscar! Y/N!” Lando is losing his voice from all the yelling. Charles could hear the lump in his throat that wanted to be let out so bad.

Charles shines his flashlight around looking for any sort of corridor they may be down. It’s dirty, the floors are wet, and in his head this is the sort of place to be haunted.

He notices a a gap in the wall. If he wasn’t looking so hard he’d have definitely missed it. He peaks his head around and shine his light around. His heart nearly bursting at the sight of two familiar figures.

“I found them!”

Charles steps through the gap and inches closer, praying they aren’t dead.

The echo of the footsteps wakes Oscar, his hands shielding his face from the light.

Charles is careful about approaching. He notices the way the Australian is scrambling to move them farther away. “Stay away!” His voice is weak and scratchy.

Lando and Max slide around the corner.

“Oscar it’s me, it’s Lando.” The Brit wastes no time sliding to his knees in front of them. The disoriented state of Oscar only making him more panicked and he thrashes, doing his best to keep the still unconscious girl behind him.

Lando gently holds his face. Almost forcing the younger to look at his face. Oscars breathing evens as he meets Lando’s eyes.

Then he breaks. The cracked wails bouncing of the wall.

Lando looks at Charles and Max. “He’s freezing.” They’re all shrugging off their coats and bundling up the two.

Then their walking out of that place.

The five of them.

Next ->

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whomstress · 2 months

Text

Ragatha's Bunnydoll

Paring: Ragatha x Jax

Rating: T

Hello! Long time no fic! This isn't one of my favorites but I've had it for a long time and wanted to finish it I hope you like it!

Jax has never been more angry with an outcome. Caine's adventure ended with a surprise punishment for the loser. Jax, unlike Zooble, who decided to opt out completely, played the game more than halfheartedly. He is much more interested in messing people up than actually winning himself. It was all going pretty great, especially when he was able to bowl Gangle’s comedy mask down the hall until he lost. He went to his room, not caring about whatever Caine was up to, and decided to try and take a nap. It's been days since he slept, so it might work this time. It usually doesn't, but he soon felt sleep fall upon him faster than it had in a long time. This felt like a trap, but he shrugged it off. Whatever it is, how bad could it be?

But, of course, nothing could ever be easy here, could it? He woke up on the main stage, unable to move. Of course he would. Why did he think anything else about this damn tent? He laughed inwardly; at least he could cuss all he wanted in his mind. He tried to call out, annoyed as hell, to someone to get him out of here, but that was impossible too. His mind was intact, but he couldn’t explain how he felt other than stiff as a rock while stuffed with cotton. Then Bubble appeared in front of him, and he was huge. Twice the size of his body. Jax finally felt himself jump at the shock, but he quickly went back to no movement.

“He’s soooo cute like this! I could just eat him!” Bubble said, menacingly opening his mouth to show his sharp set of teeth that were inching closer to Jax.

Jax barely had time to react when Caine popped Bubble and appeared in front of him. "Well, that’s enough of that! Sorry Jax! I think Bubble is going through another teething phase!”

Jax tried to roll his eyes and say something sarcastic, but found once again that he was stuck. ‘What the fuck is going on!’ he thought. A menacing aura came from him, but even if Caine noticed, he didn't acknowledge it.

Caine came much too close to his face, and Jax wanted nothing more than to finally knock a tooth in. “Well JAX! I’m sure you're wondering, in appropriate language, What is going on?”

Jax just stayed silent, but even Caine could feel sarcasm dripping from the doll. "Yesterday, you told Ragatha the only thing worse than being stuck here was being stuck here as a living doll. So as punishment for today's game, I thought I’d show you how fun it could be! HAHAHAHAHA”

“But unfortunately, it is not in my code to make you new character models. That would require me to transfer your mind, and that is the only thing I cannot control here. However, I can change your form! So what do you think?”

A comically large mirror is placed in front of him, and Jax finally sees exactly why he can’t move or speak. He’s been turned into a small doll version of himself. His body and clothes were felt, and his expression was painted on sly. No wonder he felt like he was stuffed with cotton; he was. Oh, ho, ho, when he got out of this, there was going to be hell to pay.

Before Jax could start planning a premeditated murder, Caine jumped in. “Great! I knew you’d love it! How about you stay this hmmmmmmmmmm... forever?” Jax stayed silent in horror, but Caine jumped in a second later and said, “You’re right, that's a terrible idea! How will you go on more adventures!? HAHAHAHA Dinner time, it is! Have fun!”

Jax looked at himself a little longer in shock before mentally slapping himself out of it. 'Alright, you dumb bunny. Suck it up. Sulkings for losers. I moved earlier, which means I can move. I’m getting the hell out of here before anyone finds me. If Zooble gets a hold of me, I’m pretty sure they’ll set me on fire for that prank I pulled today.’ He laughs to himself, remembering their face as their pieces are scattered across the floor.

After about 15 minutes of trial and error, he realized he could move, but only in jerky movements. So he could swipe his arm or jump a bit, but it’d quickly go back in position, and he'd stop moving completely for another minute or two. He managed to get himself off the table, of course, landing face first, but the nice thing about this body was that it was so plush that he’s pretty sure he could be thrown at a wall and it’d only hurt for a second. 'Huh, it makes sense why Ragatha gets way more upset at centipedes than throwing stuff at her.’

A light bulb went off in his head, and if he could groan, he would. ‘Ragatha. This was her fault!’ If she hadn’t annoyed him, he never would have said what he said and gotten into this mess! Yeah, he's been picking on her more lately, but that’s just because she's the funniest to mess with. He’d found out a new way to fluster her by getting very close in her space. There was something addicting about the way her face flushed red and she’d yell his name. It was nice to see her like that.

You know in a funny way.

But it had really gotten to her, and she’d said something mean back, hitting below the belt. So he told her he might have it bad, but nothing could be worse than being stuck here in hell as a damn doll.

He stopped jumping even when he finally could again, remembering her face when he said it. Her eyes held genuine hurt, and her face pulled into a frown. She looked like she was going to cry. He hated it. She was just supposed to fluster again and yell his name. But when she did say his name, it was sad, and he realized that was not what he wanted. He felt an apology he’d never cared to give anyone else on the tip of his tongue before Zooble called his attention, and he retreated again. It wasn’t his fault; she's a crybaby, and he wouldn’t say sorry. Look what it got him into.

Ragatha’s eyes flashed again in his head, and something in his heart squeezed. If he could growl, he would. ‘Stop! It’s over now. We’ve been over this before. She’s not special. If I don’t apologize to Gangle, I won’t apologize to her! It’s not like she’d care anyway. She doesn't even like you.’

“Oooooh! What’s this?”

Speak of the devil. Just his damn luck.

He feels himself being lifted by similar felt hands as if he’s nothing and he’s face, well, practically whole body, to face with the woman that was just invading his thoughts. Of course, it’d be Ragatha who found him. Doesn’t God hate him enough already? ‘It’s fine. It’s fine. As long as she doesn’t call you c-”

“CUUUUTEEE!” She squeals in such a high pitch that it makes him twinge just the tiniest bit, but she doesn't seem to notice after already examining him more thoroughly. He knew she loved dolls, but he didn’t think she’d say that about a doll of him. She pokes and prods him, admiring his stitching and design. “Oh my God, aren’t you the cutest little doll? I haven’t seen such a well-made doll in ages! I wonder if Caine is making some for us.”

Ragatha takes a little bit of lint off his cheek and smiles sweetly at him. “There you go, sweetheart, all better!”

Jax can’t talk, but he’s still stunned and silent. He didn’t know she could smile that way. At least not to him. How does he get her to do it again? When did she get so pretty? He ponders that for a single second before he yanks himself back to reality. ‘Snap out of it! She’s only smiling because she thinks you're a toy, not because it’s you.`

“If only real Jax could look as cute as you!” He inwardly rolled his eyes again, but then she said something that made him freeze. "Alright, sweetheart, now that we’ve seen your high-quality craftsmanship, it's time to do the ultimate test for a plushie! How huggable are you?”

Oh no, no, no, NO. He hasn’t had a hug in ages. He’s not losing his streak now! He is NOT- Ragatha pulled him into a soft embrace, squishing her plush cheek against his, and moved a hand to hold his head like he was a real person she was supporting. The hug was so strange. It was firm but so delicate, like a hug you’d give to a loved one after not seeing them for a long time. Like he wasn’t just a doll. Like she wanted his touch. Like she liked him. Like she meant it.

It was nice. He guessed. It's super annoying how long she does it, but also nice. In that plushies are made for hugging kind of way, obviously. She pulls back, and he hates how he misses the warmth of her on his cheek. He almost didn’t want her to let go, but when she pulls back with a dopey smile for him, he really doesn’t find himself minding.

Her face suddenly sank. “If only the real you would let me in.

What? What does that mean? Real me? To his surprise, she keeps talking to him.

"God, the real you drives me insane! You know that?”

He inwardly chuckles, 'Yeah, that’s the plan, sweetheart.’

She slides down the wall to sit with him, hugging him to her, and he realizes he’s going to be here for a while. At least this wasn’t the worst position to be stuck in. ‘Why doesn’t she tell her friends about this?’ Well, actually, he understood more than he liked to admit. He never liked people knowing he was upset either. He understood a lot about her, and he knew the feeling was mutual. And he hated it.

She’s the only one who would ask him if he was okay. Ever. They weren’t even really friends, enemies at worst; if anything was off with him, she was the first to notice. The only one to notice. She’d find him in private or even in the middle of his pranks on her and look at him with that dumb doe eye and ask if he was ‘okay’. Of course he wasn’t okay! He was stuck in digital hell, not even knowing his real name. Nobody liked him here, but he could care less because there was no one he liked either.

“Why does he do this?” Ragatha snaps him out of his thoughts and starts talking again. “I swear we’ve been here for years together, but it’s all the same. As soon as we get closer, he pushes me away. And I know that dumb bunny trusts me! Otherwise, he’d never come to me.”

Once again, he flinched at her, but once again, she didn’t seem to notice, lost in her own thoughts. Why was she talking about this out loud? What if some other idiot heard her?

“Why does he stay all night? Come into my room just to stare at the wall? So silent, not wanting a single touch, and yet when I go to move even an inch away, he stares straight into my soul? I know what he’s thinking; he has to know I know.” Her breath hitches. “Don’t-”

Leave me

The words fill his head, and his mind goes back to those moments. He’d stare at her until she moved back close enough for him to relax. It had to be less than once a year when he’d come to her, and it didn’t start until he'd been stuck there for a year. It was the closet he felt to anyone here—the only time he’d let himself be vulnerable. And he hated it.

“Why won’t he let me in?” She sighs once again, hugging the plushie closer. “He has to know how I feel about him.”

Oh, he knew exactly how she felt about him and how everyone felt about him. She was right; he’d push her away after that. He usually avoided her like the plague for at least a week in his sort of 'thanks', but then even he noticed his bullying of her would increase. He didn’t know why, but he needed her attention. He hated that she saw through him, but if she didn’t look at him at all, he didn’t think he could stand it. His thoughts are spiraling down when she interrupts again.

“AND WHY DOES HE FLIRT IF HE’S JUST GOING TO BE A JERK?”

‘...What?’

“I swear he gets in my face, blows in my ear, and looks at me like he wants to eat me! Even if it is kind of hot.” Wait no. He wasn’t flirting. He’d just been bullying her more. She must’ve finally lost her mind. And yet, despite the initial surprise at the sudden change of subject, he feels his ego bloat not only at her last comment but at the way she’s so flustered at the thought.

She suddenly yanks him up, so he’s back to being face-to-face with her. “Seriously, if you're going to kiss me, just do it already, you idiot!”

He watches amusingly as she stares at his face, and hers blows up in a blush, cartoonish steam coming from her. But she doesn't put the plush down in embarrassment like he thinks she will. She bites her lip and looks around three times, like she’s making sure no one can see her. 'What is she doing now?’ He thinks.

“This is so dumb! If actual Jax sees or hears this, he’ll never let me forget it.” His ears perk at this, suddenly very interested in what she has planned. Blackmail is always great.

She blows out a warm breath that he can feel touching his face. “Screw it. It’s just pretending anyway.” He watches intensely as she closes her eyes and begins moving in. He can’t believe his eyes. No way. Is she really?

She’s much too quickly an inch away when he thinks, 'God, she’s beautiful.”

Her lips touch his painted-on mouth only for a moment before a large cloud of smoke poofs him back to his real body with their lips still connected. Ragatha pulls back in surprise, yelping his name, “JAX! What are you? How are you?”

But he doesn’t let her finish instantly connecting their lips again. Still in disbelief, she tries to pull back to get an explanation, but he brings her lips back to his more eagerly each time she whispers his name against his lips. He moves her like a ragdoll, ha, onto his lap, and she melts in his grip. She’s not sure how or why this is happening, but she can’t bring herself to stop.

It’s soft and rough at the same time. Like trying to make up for lost time. Hot breath and soft lips clash and move together in a delicious touch. He whispers her name as he brings her impossibly closer to him, and she feels a shiver crawl along her skin. Goosebumps. She didn’t even think she could have them, but if she didn’t feel them now, she knew she never would.

Jax reveled in her little squeaks, tender gasps, and the music that was his name on her lips. Like a punch in the face, everything made sense now. How he felt. What she meant to him. What he meant to her. She liked him, and he loved her.

They finally pull apart from each other, gasping for air. They stayed like that for a moment before he started to burst out laughing. She wanted to laugh along, but that was definitely his laughing at her, not with her laugh. Ragatha looks suspiciously at him and says, “What?”

“I can’t believe you poured your heart out then kissed a doll of me!” Her face glows as red as her hair, and she goes to pull away in annoyance, but he pulls her back with a smirk. “If you wanted me that bad doll face, you shoulda just asked.”

“You’re such a jerk,” Ragatha pouted, but she could see the humor in it. She complained about him not explaining his feelings for at least 10 minutes to a plush, only to do the same thing.

“Yeah, but I’m your jerk now, baby.” She looks back at him, and he’s once again looking at her with hunger in his eyes, making her gulp and her blush rise again.

“You look like you want to eat me.” She says in a shaky voice.

"Hmmmm, that cause I do,” He pulls her closer, and she gasps, ”Good thing you like it.”

Her eyes hood, and she moves in, but he pulls back, leaving her disappointed. “Say it first, say you like it.” His mouth stretches like a Cheshire grin as she squirms underneath his stare.

She looks him in the eye and reaches a hand up to cup his cheek and rub a thumb along his skin. She smiles warmly at him as she sees his eyes widen in shock. “I really like you.”

He searches her eyes, looking for lies, but he can’t find them. That’s not what he asked for, but he can’t find himself upset when she’s finally looking at him like that. He hates that he finally feels his own blush rise, and he presses his lips hard together before crashing back into her lips. “Prove it."

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #ragatha #tadc ragatha #jax #tadc jax #jax x ragatha #ragatha x jax #bunnydoll #mia writes

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kaibutsushidousha · 4 months

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To be honest, your discussion of Minase's positive and negative qualities piqued my interest. What do you think are the main recurring fgo writers' strong and weak points? Also where would you rank the lilim harlot event?

For the sake of brevity, I'll stick to one per writer. Picking apart everyone to the extent I did with Minase would take forever and would be better done after their respective Ordeal Calls.

I hesitate to call Higashide's comedy his strong point because his huge hits are about as frequent as his huge misses. I suppose I'll go with clarity for Higashide's main strong point. Even when I think he sucked at delivering his point, I can always tell what he's trying to say, which is not something I can say about Sakurai's most compressed scripts. His weak point is his lack of ambition. It's nice to have at least one person in FGO's team who will never try to escalate things, but I can't see it doesn't make his stories more forgettable in the long run.

Minase was already detailed in his own post.

Meteo’s best quality is a tone setter. Requiem, Salem, and all his events come with an atmosphere that feels very tangibly different from what FGO usually does. Often his events are bad, but never they lack a unique identity. Which segues into his weak point, being that many of his events are comedy events and the man is simply not funny. Bullying Erice is his only consistently good joke, and when he tries other things, the results are more miss than hit. See Las Vegas and Wandjina World Tour for major examples of comedy events that failed hard at the comedy side.

Nasu is a master recycler. I don't know how he does it but the man is constantly reusing the same structures, the same themes, or the same dynamics and somehow it never feels repetitive. There is always something that makes the whole recipe feel fresh and unique despite being so easy to recognize the same usual ingredients there. And what I dislike about Nasu in FGO is how he's still stuck at the concept of selling waifus from the girls with routes days. Everyone has their list of characters who get ship tease with Fujimaru but only in Nasu's case it feels like an overwhelming majority and that some of the choices create too large of a difference between the summoned character and the character in the main story. Was it really necessary to do this with, say, Morgan? Melusine? Tenochtitlan?

And Sakurai I saved for last because one major reason this post took this long is that I was struggling to sort out what is characteristically good and bad about her. Well, even now I don’t have a simple and satisfying answer. Things can’t be simple with Sakurai, unfortunately. One friend of mine described the experience of reading Sakurai scripts as “playing chess against an opponent that doesn’t tell that you are in a game of chess” and that’s honestly a fascinating way to phrase it.

Sakurai is an intriguing combination of inflexibly ambitious and inflexibly professional. She has grand ideas for her characters and she will include them in the script without fail. But she's also strictly adherent to script size limitations. While Nasu is making Camelot and Avalon le Fae with total disregard to every possible limit, Sakurai is cramming so much into Septem's and London's microscopic file space that it becomes utterly incomprehensible. Nasu wrote Last Encore's plot as a whole ass novel and hired Sakurai to convert that into anime scripts because Sakurai is his expert in fitting a lot of stuff into tiny spaces. Tunguska was tossed at Sakurai because probably no one else could fit into its raid event constraints. And because she doesn't compromise on what goes in, her alternative is not revealing the mysteries about her characters but laying out all the hints so the players can figure it out themselves, which is a really fun thing once you're used to it (read: aware that you're playing chess against her).

And the answer to "Where would I rank the Lilim Harlot event" is 1st place.

#higashide yuuichirou #sakurai hikaru #nasu kinoko #hoshizora meteor

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wolfpawzjakey · 6 days

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The ghost of Jason who decides to stay with Percy.

kinder, but still creepy - your lover's ghost doesn't want to kill you or hurt you, he just wants to be with you, even if by all laws he is supposed to be in hades.

Percy always feels Jason - a fleeting touch on his cheeks, shoulders and arms, a light breeze or a draft walking in his apartment, the way the electricity hums, a shadow too human to be a play of light that is always next to him, the feelings of familiar but cold hugs at night.

Percy has watched horror movies, he knows what to do... but he doesn't want to part with Jason either, and neither does Jason with him.

Oog anon, this one.

I was thinking about ghost Jason recently. In many ways and senses. I like this idea a lot.

Jason’s ghost haunting Percy, and Percy really struggles with it. A memory of his dead lover, a memory of something he could’ve changed if he had just been there, prophecy be damned. It wasn’t his fault, but to him it was. Having Jason surround him as a ghost, always there, leaving his body cold and shuddering as he laid beside Percy, was an unending mental battle. Jason was attached to Percy, stuck to him with a tie that he couldn’t break and Percy had to struggle to find comfort in the sharp and stark anguish he felt by having Jason here again. Because he couldn’t mourn properly while having his dead boyfriend follow him around, he couldn’t mourn properly when he noticed how the wind would caress him gently or the electricity in his house would flicker whenever Percy said him name, a reminder of “I am here and will be here forever”. But Percy moves through it, the motions are harder, his days are longer, because Jason is here, he’s with him, in ways that matter but these ways can’t make up for what he’s missing. He finds comfort through Jason’s subtle reminders though, slowly but surely they make him.

The others notice subtle differences about Percy since Jason’s ghost has found him, but Nico is the first to bring it up, because of course he can see Jason, not that Jason’s really paid him much mind, too focused on Percy. Nico warns Percy against allowing Jason’s presence to stay, he knows neither would be happy, but he knows it would only kill Percy, one way or another. And knowing that, Percy doesn’t care, but Jason’s ghost, he shifts solemnly and as usual, wordlessly.

This issue in the air now, Jason has been quieter than usual, Percy’s place is warmer and he doesn’t get to feel the cold presence around him as often, not unless he begs and cries. He’s desperate, Jason’s ghost is ill at ease. Jason may be dead, may want with his whole might to be with Percy, but he doesn’t want that by the means of Percy dying as well. He wants to be back with Percy when time says it’s right, not because he’s selfish and not ready to let go and wait that time out. But in the moments he keeps his distance, watching from a point away in the house, where he isn’t sucking Percy’s energy from his body just to be able to announce his present, he can’t help but break his own rules when Percy’s eyes well up with tears. He folds instantly, the contact point between Percy’s body and his incorporeal form buzzing with energy that makes him more powerful, but sucks that power right from Percy’s soul.

The two dance this dance, their wants to be together even after Jason’s death stronger than anything, but Nico puts his foot down for them, Percy looks like hell, he’s exhausted all the time and easily sick. The teen is rough about it all but is easy to give solutions. Sure, these solutions are taxing on him, but he won’t die that’s for sure, and his strength in his power has only been getting better, letting Percy see and speak to Jason on some occasion unless Jason so decides to reincarnate. It’s a save for them both, as uneasy it is to let Jason go, they both go for this. Somehow an easy out but also the hardest thing to do for them.

I’ve read a few fics of the dead haunting their past lovers in good ways, either visibly or not, I’ve always really liked them. Plus the ability to choose if they stay with their people or move on to the other side it’s so 😭😭😭

Thank you for your ask anon!

#percy jackson #jason grace #pjo #hoo #toa #jercy #pawz replies #asks #jason x percy #haunting au #ghost au

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reasonsforhope · 5 months

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Sorry, im kinda freaking out beacuse i read on positive news that the un published a paper saying the earth might warm up above 3° degrees if we dont take massive action :(

I thought the predictions were now between 1,5° and 2 ? Sorry for my bad english it's just upsetting

I totally get it. Of course that's upsetting.

As for the predictions, the thing is, there are a bajillion variables in these models - around human action, around different country's actions, and around all of the many, many, many things about the weather and ecosystems that we don't understand.

For scientists, part of their job is modeling and predicting the entire realm of possibility.

You're right that most people/sources don't think warming will get that high anymore. Core predictions are right now mostly between 1.5 and 2.5, with a lot of mainstream predictions saying that if we stay on the current path, we'll likely end up peaking around 2.3 degrees. Which would suck, admittedly! And 3 degrees or a bit more is still within the realm of possibility, which also sucks!

For what it's worth, though, I genuinely think we'll be able to keep warming under 2 degrees. To my research/understanding, right now 3 degrees is possible but a lot less likely - one of the less likely predictions in general, or else a lot more scientists would be saying 3 degrees, and we'd all hear that number all over the place and be scared.

Edit: I did find the UN report that the article was presumably referencing. And yeah, I hate to see it. But again: WE DO NOT KNOW FOR SURE. Iirc the last IEA report said we're on track for 2.3. The exact methodology and models can change a lot about the end result, so it's very common for reports to disagree, and at this point, I do think "over 3 degrees" is an outlier. And that's if we stay on the current track - WHICH IS EXTREMELY UNLIKELY, BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING BETTER AND FIXING MORE THINGS WITH EVERY YEAR

Anyway, here's why it's no longer likely that we'll hit or surpass 3 degrees of warming, and why you can and should still have hope.

Climate change is growing exponentially. We know for a fact now that renewable energy, electric vehicles, costs of renewable energy, etc. are all improving way, way faster than ever before. And they're going to keep doing that. Over the rest of the decade, I genuinely think we're going to make so much more progress, so much faster, than models are currently predicting. Partly because we've only in the past couple years gotten proof that these paths ARE exponential. x, x, x, x, x

It would be super irresponsible of climate scientists and energy watchdogs to be optimistic with their numbers/outcomes. They KNOW how many politicians and oil companies would swoop in the SECOND there were . claims that we'll be fine without doing more, actually. Their job is to always make sure that someone is including the worst case scenarios, and that they don't start giving more optimistic numbers unless they're really, truly, completely confident in those numbers and improved models

The peak temperature we reach is NOT the temperature that we'll be stuck at forever. As we keep putting carbon back into ecosystems and restoring nature, we WILL take more carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, which WILL let the planet start to cool back down again, as less carbon dioxide is in the air to trap heat, and more of it will go back to escaping into space. This probably won't be immediate after we hit net zero emissions, but if we drawdown enough carbon, it will happen. x, x, x

This article, posted by Positive.News, November 13, 2023

#uglygirlheaven #ask #me #climate change #climate crisis #global warming #rising temperatures #carbon emissions #drawdown #climate optimism #climate science #good news #hope

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pencilofawesomeness · 1 year

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What is Twisted Wonderland and how would you sell someone on it?

Ohoho. Ohohohoho. Anon. You have activated my trap card >:D

(I'm about to be soooo annoying/unhinged and I'm sorry. I'm not.)

Alright, so:

Twisted Wonderland is a Disney mobile game made in Japan and co-produced by Aniplex. (Yes, that Aniplex.) I'm not here to sell you on the game, so much as the story, but it is a sort of story-book rpg with turned based fights and rhythm games, where you build character units from a gacha pull. As far as gameplay goes, it's very simple, and most of the emphasis lies on the characters and the story. And it's wonderful.

The on-the-box description of this game doesn't do it justice, per se, but that might be because Disney has a little bit of influence on it and they suck at knowing who their target audience is. It is about a high school based on classic Disney villains—but no, not in the way you're thinking, because I once made that mistake too. It is not a villain school. Rather, the world of Twisted Wonderland is its own entity, with characters built as sort of nods or foils to classic Disney characters. The world itself is somewhat built with these films as its past, and history has become so twisted (ha) that modern society views some of these classic villains as the heroes or supporting characters of their stories, and respect them as The Great Seven. (The seven in question being the Queen of Hearts, Scar, Ursula, Jafar, the Evil/Raven Queen, Hades, and Maleficent. None of them are remembered by name, though.)

The game takes place in the modern era, a society with both technology and magic. Specifically, it takes place in a magic high school called Night Raven College, an all-boys dormitory prep school where the only requirement to get in is a magic mirror that peers into your soul and determines whether or not you can a) do magic and b) kin the Great Seven. And, of course, the player character is a regular-ass human who gets isekai'd in and gets stuck with a talking magic cat direbeast named Grim.

Now. That is the general synopsis. I, on the other hand, affectionately call this the Mental Breakdown game.

See, here's the kicker. The magic system is pretty nifty; while it's functions as a standard magic-is-magic sort of soft system, it has ✨consequences✨

Magic has this byproduct called blot. It's this icky stuff that builds up when you a) use too much magic and/or b) are emotionally distressed. But less so in a "I'm panicked right now" sort of way and more so in a "I have chronic depression and/or anxiety" sort of way. And, when a mage is powerful enough, and sad boi enough, and then goes and uses way too much magic and sad boi juice in one sitting, this amazing phenomenon occurs called "overblot"—which is pretty much a super-powered evil form that turns the mage into the darkest form of themselves and then uses magic until they die.

Naturally, this happens in the game. A lot. The formula is pretty much that each "book" of the story, there is an overblot. One for each of the seven dorms, which are based off of the seven villains/the movies they come from. (And "based on" is pretty loose. Yes you can see the similarities, but these are dumb teenage boys with their own hopes and aspirations, and, sometimes, the game completely lies to you about what character they emulate the most. The guy who's Jafar? Well yes but he's actually just a really stressed out Genie stand in. The Hades guy? Whoops that's Meg. Is that a card soldier or the White Rabbit? Doesn't matter, he's got problems.)

The characters are so well written. I could gush about them forever, and they are the driving points of this plot and it means everything to me. They are some of the most traumatized and messed up individuals, but also, they are dumb teenage boys who do dumb teenage boys things. It is all incredibly well balanced and startlingly realistic for a game that amounts to beating the emotional constipation around people. Mostly because it cannot be beat out of them. The blot can, but they have to deal with their emotions with their own two hands, with varying levels of success.

And the shenanigans!!!! Oh, the shenanigans. I call this the Emotional Trauma game but I have once laughed so hard someone heard me through the floor. It's not all doom and gloom for sure. Sometimes you're watching your friend fall apart because his toxic mother instilled debilitating perfectionism and slowly start making enemies of everyone and sometimes you're sending three of the most gremlin students plus one cinnamon roll to infiltrate a gala that a bunch of weather fairies are throwing in the greenhouse because they stole your temperature regulating magestone to be shiny jewelry and you want it to stop snowing inside your dorm room. And sometimes you can have the exact same character who experienced losing his little brother right in front of him gush about a magical girl sledding anime and all of his gacha games. It is the best of both worlds.

And, that's not all! No, no. We get amazing character interactions. Not just pre-determined friend group interactions, but also random interactions. Yana Toboso (the writer/artist) really likes to stick names in a jar sometimes and make them interact and it is the best thing ever. Every single one of these characters I hold in my hands. Every single one of them gets to have their moment to shine. You can emotionally invest in all of them and be rewarded for it.

The game itself is free and pretty easy to get into. There's not really a bad power creep so you can get through it with what you got. Of course the fun part of collecting cards is that there are stories attached to them that you can watch, and those are also sources of joy. (And it's well documented, so you can find things online pretty easily to catch up and see more.)

I just think it's neat. (Read: I accidentally became wholly obsessed with this game and its characters and they are all blorbos to me.)

You should definitely fall into this rabbit hole with me :))) It's so worth it :)))

#twisted wonderland #ask #anon #I could gush about the characters individually but #we would be here all day #anyway I love them all #and this game does a surprisingly good job with mental illness and neurodivergency #despite never naming any of it #it's pretty obvious though #even if not to the character themselves all the time #also this game is absolutely gut wrenching in the most positive way #it accidentally made me reconsider my entire life and well being #when I saw a little too much of myself in one of the characters overblotting #like WHOOPS I see the issue #but that's a me thing #anyway its very good and I can easily be enabled into blabbing about it more #this is just a very general overview really #and if that's not enough then know that in the first book #I character once says “no I am not going to put down the shovel I am still DIGGING”#and that's when I knew this was going to be fun #and then the end of the book I hear the VA of Tanjiro have a full cry and I knew this was going to consume me #is a very good story and a fun lil game

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inklore · 9 months

Text

— CELEBRATING TWO YEARS OF LOVE.

let's pretend that i posted this on the real anniversary date (july 18th) and not a few weeks late ok. but i'm still shell shocked i honestly stayed around on here for this long, seeing as how i've been on this hellsite for over ten years maybe even longer, have left many blogs and sideblogs behind, but have stayed put on here for longer than it feels. even through all the craziness and friends gained and lost. i have not grown sick of this place and i know it's all because of my mutuals (and followers) aka the most beautiful, hilarious, talented souls anyone could ask to have on their side.

whether we are friends or have never spoken i love you, i adore you. thank you for making my time spent on here worth it even when times get tough and this little hobby of ours seems more like a stressful nine to five.

@deathmotif, @authurials, @theauthorvt, +annie — hey remember when we all met on wp and i started that silly little michael langdon gc on kik and it was a dozen of us in there but then it soon dwindled down to us five and kik was on the verge of imploding and we all moved over to snap and now we literally all talk every day, if not every other??! my day isn't complete without seeing one of you sending an unhinged video in the gc. IT'S BEEN SIX YEARS with you guys in my life and you know me better than anyone. i can tell you my darkest secrets, traumas, thoughts, and there's no judgment. it's literally the most healthy friend group ever. i'm forcing ya'll to dress up as barbie's for my bachelorette party, like you're stuck with me. barbie is serious. just as serious as my love is for each and every one of you. when i think about my life and future you guys are always in it. idk if we should thank cody fern or the antichrist or both. but whoever brought us together in this life i hope they do it in the next because life without y'all would suck.

@psychedelic-ink — you should already know how much i love you, but let me remind you, let me go on for ever and tell you how special you are to me ok. when i was balling my eyes out on the phone/discord you were there to listen to me be a blubbering mess, you were there to talk me down, to listen, to validate my feelings. when i need someone to be motivating and get shit done with me you're there. when i need to rant about something horny you're there to encourage the unhinged. our discord sleepovers are my favorite thing in the world. i'm still shocked when i think back to our casual messages on here turning into a friendship so close and tight that my man spent over $100 to send you a magazine (without question) because he knows how much you mean to me. you have my heart always!

@pedrito-friskito — i have the most vivid memory of me and sil talking about you on discord and how great you were and i was like um?? i wanna be friends with kay! so after we got off of the phone i messaged you and then before i knew it me, you, and sil were in a gc together and the rest is history. i love that you and i like to disappear without a word sometimes but always come back like lol sorry but here's this love and support and encouragement and let me just life update you but also make you horny with this thought, and sil just puts up with us and i love it. ily. i'm forever forcing you to write and publish every story you write because you're going to put sjm to shame with the beauty your brain comes up with.

@tom-whore-dleston — i know i'm the worst at replying but you never make me feel bad for it. you're like 'oh yeah her adhd brain will get back to this text in 2 to 3 business weeks it's ok', and i love you for it. but no seriously ily so much. you're the first person i think of when all i can think about is dick because i know you're thinking the same thing. i know you'll understand. every time i see you post on social media i'm like wtf?? why am i halfway across the states and not with the loml right now?? it's truly unfair because i know if we were together we'd be the most chaotic, loud, sluttiest duo ever. your talent always amazes me, your beauty makes me jealous. both of our partners better watch out because i'ma run away with you one day i swear!

@chaseadrian — the fact that we grew close in a fandom that i despise now and is more toxic than not and a beautiful friendship came out of it?? iconic. every time i think about you all i can think is 'they just seems like they have everything all together, their ideas, their graphics, their mind, the way they speak is like talking to that really cool english teacher' like lmao i cannot explain how much i want your vibe. i adore your vibe. i ADORE YOU.

@greenorangevioletgrass — as one of my first friends on this little blog of mine i feel like i need to do more than put into words how much i adore you, how grateful i am to call you a friend, to be a part of your presence on here. hearing your ideas, your living breathing fic-like life is serotonin to me. like please share in the sexy wealth bestie!

@sapphireplums — when i see you in my inbox i literally get this overjoyed feeling inside me like charity thought about me today?? took time out of her day to send me something?? i'm blessed. i hope you and your beautiful mind are thriving bestie because you're literally one of the nicest, softest, people i've met on here and i'm in your corner if you ever need me. to show you love and support. to continue to convince you that your themes will always be more superior than mine!!

@rae-gar-targaryen — if success and talent and beautiful prose (and face) was an olympic sport you would have won by now. you HAVE won. we may not talk as much as we used to but just know that i always am thinking about how you are, waiting patiently for you to bless us with more of your fics (even if it's a crumb i'm like a little mouse savoring it because hello?? emily henry who? she got nothing on you). as my lawyer i love knowing if i needed you you'd be there with a simple text, as my bestie, as someone i look up to, as someone who radiates elegance and something else i can't even put into words because that's literally how you leave me, speechless: never change and know i'm always here for you.

@allaboardthereadingrailroad, @littledemondani, @wroteclassicaly — the three of you were those 'big' accounts that always intimated me. i stood in the background reading your stuff and being like ok they're going to put me out of business and then being absolutely shook when you followed me, i felt like i made it. like this was what being on here was all about having the accounts you find the most talented and amazing, and who have wrote some of your fav fics, follow you. and we may not talk a lot but i cherish you guys so so very much. like even before i made this account, on my old accounts, i've always been your #1 fans!!

@kittyofalltrades, @namorwife, @yoditopascal — i may have all but died out and disappeared from the discord server, and we may not talk anymore, but some of my best memories are with you guys. the unhinged, the thirst, the games, the rantings, i've never been more entertained and chaotic and rowdy than i was with ya'll and i love it. i miss it. ya'll are still my favorite people, my loves, my besties. one day i will be horny over the same characters as ya'll again and you'll be annoyed with my thirst again.

@eupheme, @tripleyeeet, @wint3r-h3art, @ohcaptains, @celestianstars, @flordeamatista — if there were ever a group of beautiful people i constantly compare myself to because the way they write, the way their themes look, the way their fic layouts / set ups look, their graphics, their vibes, their talent, their so many damn things: it would be ya'll. like i'm constantly like how do i get on their level? like i know there's not levels on here and everyone is so uniquely special and amazing at what they write and do and make, but i'm always in the trenches of devoting and heart eyes over EVERYTHING ya'll post. ya'll are the cool art kids i want to hangout with but instead i'm screaming in cheer in the silent museum where your creations should be showcased.

@mothdruid, @moonlight-prose, @moondirti, @angrythingstarlight, @amywritesthings, @oncasette, @withahappyrefrain, @navybrat817, @bakerstreethound, @villenelle, @refined-by-fire, @ladylannisterxo, @emerald-chaos, @mxgyver, @foli-vora, @jettia, @moreofem, @bits-and-babs, @woodlandmouth, @fluffyprettykitty, @cocoamoonmalfoy, @galatially, @ladylannisterxo, @saintlike78, @buckys-estrella, @ghostlyfleur, @arctvrvs — through the two years of me being on here i have had the pleasure, the joy, of talking to each of you. whether that be screaming in asks, inboxs, discords, pms, where we were hyping each other up, sharing ideas, support, check ups, screaming over each others fics, whatever it may be. there has been love and support and every time i see ya'll in my notfis, reading my stuff, your thirst posts or rant posts or your rbs, i'm always grateful to see it. for it. to be a part of it. but most importantly i'm like: hello why are we not closer?? why do i not bombard them with my love?? annoy them with it so much so that they have no choice but to be my bestie and feel all the doormat love and support that i'm constantly feeling when i see their little icons and usernames. so this is me both saying i adore you, ily, we may not talk as much as i wished but i'm here supporting and loving everything you do and beware that i will annoy you with my love when you least expect it and soon you'll be wishing for me to get out of your pms. you have a friend in me, a supporter, a hyper, seriously i got lucky with y'all being my mutuals <3.

there's so many other babes that i'm missing but tumblr has a tag limit so i couldn't get everyone on this list but just know ily ily literally every single one of my mutuals is a gift from god to me. you put up with my posts and insanity, i have no choice but to give ya'll my whole ass heart!!!!

#two year celebration #forever hating tumblr for not letting me add all 227 of you ilysm

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hazelnut-u-out · 5 months

Text

Hi, I actually finished a Birdrick fic I've been trying to polish for forever.

I actually didn't get around to fixing it up as much as I'd like to, but oh well. I might come back around to it, but I like the concept enough to just put it out as-is.

Mostly just a revenge era ficlet taking place after a battle similar to Blood Ridge. I really wanted to explore something about Rick fucking with timelines, soooo... this is that, but specifically dealing with Birdrick. (I think I western-coded it so... expect cowboy vibes.)

Ao3 Link!

(full text below cut, too :3)

'The Opposite of a Video-Game-Style Place-Saving Device'

2,445 words

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It was a cool night, high on the end of a blistering russet day. Rick flinched, pulling his vest closed and up to his chin as he flexed the limp fingers of his right hand. The evening air had a bit of a bite to it.

Rick squinted, blinking as he looked off into the distance where a shattered flag pole stood triumphantly against the desert sky. Shakily, the scientist shuffled along the abandoned town strip, searching for anywhere a good booze find might seem promising. He felt an odd sense of tiredness brush along his bones, much like dusk swept the hazy landscape that surrounded him.

‘Ah,’ Rick said quietly. He could see the end of the strip from where he stood. The last building was a bit difficult to make out, and Rick definitely didn’t recognize the alien language displayed on the flashing neon sign.

Rick rubbed his chin, weighing the odds. A neon sign had to indicate the presence of alcohol, at the very least. Nodding to himself, he made up his mind and stalked in the building’s direction.

Rick’s nimble legs stretched out in long, careful strides as he neared the front steps. Up close, he would’ve guessed the place was a liquor store– or some alien equivalent. The low, yellow light seeping into the night from the windows revealed dimly lit rows of shelves decorated with bottles of various shapes, sizes, and colors. Rick was sure the thick scent of yeast in the air was simply the result of conditioning. He had yet to encounter alien booze with a similar enough fermentation base to produce the same scent, yet he often smelled it on the air when he felt numb.

Pushing open the door, Rick tried to remember what the point of all of this was.

He often felt stuck. Stagnant.

When Rick encountered other people, he was aware of the aura that surrounded them all.

The funny thing about stuff like that is that you don’t notice it’s there when you’re surrounded by it.

When you’re swimming in it yourself.

Other people just had this thing about them– this feeling that they were going to change.

Rick could look at Birdperson and just know he wasn’t going to be like this forever. Eventually, he’d accomplish something. He’d slow down. One day, his partner would look him in the eye and Rick would just be able to see the difference in him. There would be a glimmer of wisdom or maturity– or something that wasn’t there before.

Rick felt… stuck.

He’d left the loop he’d created just to get stuck in his shitty, pointless, pining 30’s for God-knows-how-many decades.

Rick shook off the remnants of his thoughts, taking in the interior of the shop.

Rows of shelves created a small maze that wove its way around the front of the establishment. A counter sat, unattended and obviously meant to be occupied by a species far larger than human, to his right. He took a few steps forward, letting the heavy door swing closed with an unimpressive ‘thud’.

There was a shuffling behind the counter. Rick froze, darting his eyes to the right, his hand hovering over the laser gun at his hip.

An ear-shattering silence settled over the scene as Rick inched closer to the counter, bending his knees and drawing his weapon. He sucked a hiss of air through his teeth.

‘I just want–’ Rick jumped, turning to press himself flat against the front wall as a bottle flew across the counter, shattering into a splintered mess against one of the shelves.

Birdperson stood behind the counter in a frantic stance. His eyes were wide with panic, his plume ruffled with fright, and his broad arm extended from his pitch.

‘Jesus Christ, Pers!’ Rick called, shoving his gun back into its holster and running his hands through his hair. Bending forward and placing his hands on his knees, he panted, ‘You scared the shit outta me! I-I could’ve shot you! I would’ve shot you!’

‘How do you think I feel?’ Birdperson replied, throwing a dramatic, exasperated gesture at his own chest.

Rick rolled his eyes, laughing. His friend made an effort to seem annoyed– standing up a bit straighter and smoothing the feathers along the tops of his wings– but Rick didn’t miss the humored smile that crept along Birdperson’s cheeks.

‘What’re you doing in here?’ Rick asked.

Birdperson gave him a glance-over before gesturing to the shelves surrounding them. ‘Great minds think alike, as you humans say.’

Rick patted his knees in thought before turning to peruse the aisles. ‘Wanna help me pick something out?’ he said, twitching the fingers of his left hand in a gesture for Pers to follow.

Birdperson nodded, stepping out from behind the counter and following at Rick’s right.

They walked for a few moments in silence, Rick occasionally gesturing out at random bottles that looked alluring as Birdperson shook his head gingerly at each.

Rick reached out and grasped the swan-like neck of a bottle of thick, green liquid. He turned the bottle up to the light, noticing a photo of what seemed to be some sort of fruit amidst the sea of incomprehensible symbols. A blinking blue box appeared in his vision next to the image, which read:

EDIBLE; HUMAN-SAFE

MILD, USUALLY PLEASANT PSYCHOACTIVE EFFECTS

‘Let’s just try this one,’ Rick suggested, turning and shaking the bottle gently in front of BP’s face.

‘Hmm,’ his companion shrugged. ‘Alright, but we need music.’

‘Aye, aye,’ Rick murmured, stuffing a hand into his pocket and pulling out a flat, round device roughly the size of a coin. Setting it on his palm, he flicked the device up, where a small cord shot from its center, tethering it to the ceiling. ‘I think I’ve only got our stuff on this one.’

Rick’s sad, whiny vocals reverberated softly around the room, accompanied by a slow undercurrent of light bass.

Rick handed BP the bottle while he shrugged off his coat, folding it over his arm. The two stalked back to the counter where Rick sat his coat and threw himself clumsily on top with his feet dangling off the edge, facing his friend. Birdperson popped the cap from the bottle with a small hiss of air, and handed it to Rick.

‘Why do I always have to open the bottles?’ Birdperson moaned, cocking his head to the side to watch Rick sniff the lip of the bottle. ‘Not that I mind, but it would be nice to be asked.’

Rick shrugged, surprised by the sweetness of the scent. He took a sip, cringing at the acidity, but decided it was overall pleasant. His vision was already slightly fuzzy and his head felt a bit lighter. This stuff was stout.

‘You’re the strong one,’ Rick replied, taking a second sip and holding the bottle out for Birdperson.

Their fingers brushed as BP grasped the neck of the bottle. ‘So?’ Birdperson brought the bottle up to his lips, taking a slow gulp before shaking his head in disgust. ‘Blegh. I hate that fruity shit you like.’

Rick scoffed as his friend took another drink before passing it back. ‘Okay, Mister ‘I love wine.’’ Rick emphasized the phrase with air quotes after sitting the bottle on the counter. ‘Everyone knows the strong one opens the bottles.’

Birdperson laughed, his cheeks flushing with what Rick assumed were the effects of the beverage. ‘The principle is that you are capable of opening them.’

‘No, I’m helpless,’ Rick whined sarcastically, fake pouting. He was suddenly aware of how golden Birdperson’s plume appeared in the light. ‘And you have pretty feathers.’

‘My poor human,’ Birdperson murmured, grinning a little too-wide for Rick to take him seriously.

‘My big, strong bird,’ Rick cooed dramatically, batting his eyelashes.

Birdperson let out a barking laugh, Rick giggling alongside him. After a long moment, Birdperson looked up, putting his hands in the air as if he could feel the song.

‘You know,’ Birdperson said. ‘I feel like I have lived this moment before.’

Rick’s throat went dry, his eyes darting to his coat.

‘Why’s that?’ He asked, trying not to panic– or even worse: forget why he was panicking altogether.

‘I do not know.’ Birdperson shrugged, turning to face Rick. ‘This feeling I have been getting lately…’ His companion’s expression tightened, like he was trying to explain something that he didn’t understand. ‘It almost feels like losing my mind, Rick. I feel like I cannot place memories, or like some memories are… out of place.’ He waved his hands in the air, his wings twitching slightly as he met Rick’s eyes. ‘I don’t remember making this song with you, but I must have.’

Rick’s gut felt hollow. He plastered on a fake smile, sweat beading at his temples and his heart thudding in his ears. ‘Sounds like you’re pretty fucked up on this shit.’

Birdperson laughed, his expression softening. ‘Yes.’ He placed a clawed hand on his forehead.

Rick felt himself relax. He let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding.

Rick watched Birdperson sway for a few minutes– or hours, he couldn’t really tell. He liked the way the different colors of the bottles warped around his body as he moved to the beat of the music.

‘C’mere,’ Rick said after a while, beckoning for BP to come stand in front of him.

‘What?’ Birdperson asked, stumbling over and standing between Rick’s knees, leaning in close and bracing his palms on the edge of the counter for stability.

Rick could smell the honey-like scent of his sweat.

The scientist reached up, picking a stray feather from his friend’s sticky cheek. ‘Feather,’ he said matter-of-factly. Placing it carefully on the tip of his finger, he held it in front of BP’s mouth. ‘Make a wish.’

Birdperson’s eyes flicked up to meet his own, then glanced down.

Rick felt his semi-mechanical heart cleave itself to life beneath his ribs. It was like Birdperson’s small gasps bit at his own heated cheeks.

Birdperson licked his lips, sighing deeply. ‘Rick, I–’

‘Don’t,’ Rick said, something hot and heavy tightening in his throat. He’d meant to cut his partner off harshly, but his notion came out meek and broken– his voice wavering and pained.

‘Don’t what?’ Birdperson responded, his hand moving to rest on Rick’s lower back. His feathered brow furrowed in concern, his chapped lips pulling into a tight line. The feather fluttered to the ground with the movement, and Rick placed a shaky hand on his companion’s shoulder.

‘Just… Please don’t say anything you don’t mean, man… Not again.’ Rick reached for the bottle, bringing it back up to his lips and darting his eyes around the room in an attempt to subvert Birdperson’s contemplative gaze.

‘Again? Rick, I can assure you that I never say things that I do not mean,’ Birdperson said, cocking his head inquisitively.

It was usually times like this when Rick appreciated his over-familiarity with the man next to him. Far too often, others failed to recognize the tone of his companion’s statements. Rick, however, understood that BP was prompting him to explain.

That, however, irked him– and he felt frustration bloom in his gut. He tightened his grip on the bottle, no longer drinking, but instead tapping it harshly against his lips as he mentally fumbled for the words to describe what he was sure his best friend already knew. Finally, he decided it wasn’t worth articulating. He could feel his throat beginning to close at just the thought of acknowledging it out loud.

The bottle clinked on the surface of the counter as he spoke. ‘Well, ya could’ve fooled me.’

‘I…’ Birdperson leaned back, waving one hand in the air as if beckoning for words that wouldn’t seem to come to him. ‘I do not understand.’

Rick rolled his eyes, scoffing. ‘Do you just get off on this or something?’

‘Rick, please,’ Birdperson said through his teeth, obviously frustrated. ‘On what?’

Rick briefly thought about another life or dimension or timeline where the two would’ve simply made a joke about what it really meant to ‘get off’ on something. If only his blood wasn’t boiling beneath his skin.

‘This, man!’ Rick shouted, throwing his hands in the air. Both of the men flinched and he quickly lowered his voice. ‘This. You love the fact that you’re all that I have. Fuck, dude. You–You’re all I–I…’ Rick took in a shaky breath, pressing his hands against his eyes. ‘This happens every time,’ he whispered meekly.

‘Are you talking about… her?’

Rick swallowed a dagger as his friend reached up and wiped his tears away with his thumb. He didn’t answer.

‘Rick… I am not like her. We are not like you two were.’

Rick laughed a bitter laugh, wiping his tears and scowling at Birdperson with blurry eyes. ‘What were you going to say, then? That you love me?’

‘Of course I love you, Rick.’ Birdperson reached out to touch his face once again, but Rick shrunk away.

‘Stop,’ Rick whispered. ‘Don’t… Please…’

‘You are my best friend. I love you,’ Birdperson said, that frustration nipping at the edges of his tone once more. ‘You can tell me anything.’

‘Not this,’ Rick shook his head, reaching for his jacket. ‘Not… this…’

God, how Rick wanted to collapse in on himself. He suddenly wished the counter was a massive beast so that he could be swallowed up whole in his idiotic, love-drunk stupor.

Trembling, he slipped the device out of the pocket of his jacket. It fit snugly in his palm, and he felt it warm his fingers to the bone.

‘You can,’ his companion insisted. ‘I promise.’

Rick looked back up to Birdperson, mustering up a weak smile. ‘Can I have a hug?’

More tears stung in his eyes, and he leaned into Birdperson’s touch as stalwart arms and wings wove their way around him. He let out a quiet sob, nuzzling into soft feathers.

‘I’m sorry,’ Rick choked out, shifting the device in his palm and pressing a small button at its base. He gripped his friend tighter, breathing his scent in deeply.

A piercing blue light engulfed them both.

Rick blinked from his position on the counter, disoriented. Birdperson stood a few feet away from him, still dancing, stray feather on his cheek.

‘I’m calling it a night,’ Rick said sharply, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. He clenched his jaw, biting back tears.

‘Whatever,’ BP called out, unbothered.

Rick pulled back his sleeve, glancing down at the notification flashing on his watch screen.

–TIMELINE MERGE SUCCESSFUL–

RICK: ELIMINATED

SPECIMEN STATUS: MERGED – ‘BIRDPERSON’

STABILITY: SATISFACTORY

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#rick and morty #rick sanchez #birdrick #my fics

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