#not this sitting in my drafts for 5 months oops

[ihaechans]

Smile! (You’re on camera) || N.JM

PAIRING ▸ Na Jaemin x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ pure smut

WARNINGS/CONTENT ▸ profanity, oral (m), hair pulling, throat fucking, praise, sexual photography/videos, dom!Jaemin, dirty talk, unbearable amount of pet names, slight hand job, spit kink (i apologize for this but not rlly...) unprotected sex (use protection plsss)

SUMMARY ▸Jaemin loves taking pictures. He loves the beautiful and captivating nature, golden sunsets, gloomy rainy days, and flower fields. The only sight that is his favorite though, is the one of his girlfriend on her knees.

WORD COUNT▸ 2.5k

A/N: First smut in like 5 months #yolo. this draft is so old it's been sitting half-completed for like a year and a half so I finally decided to just finish it today. Oops.

Jaemin loved a lot of things.

Loved a lot of things about you to be exact.

First sight and he knew he had to have you, putting in hours and hours worth of effort. He's lucky it paid off. He scored the girl of his dreams, the girl he saw as perfect in every way and he’s so lucky he did.

He’s lucky for someone as perfect as you. He was lucky that someone could relate to him on an emotional level without feeling awkward or uncomfortable sharing his feelings with, one of the things he had feared you wouldn’t understand in the beginning. He loved the way you were unapologetically yourself, not hiding or masking your true self, being confident and bold in anyway you could.

He also thinks you’re the prettiest girl in the world, made just for him and him only. Everything about you was just perfect.

“Look at my pretty girl,” his voice sounds rough and strained, but his hand holds his camera steady. “You’re so perfect. Sucking my cock like a fucking pro.”

Nothing about this position was comfortable. Your knees are red and sore from kneeling on the wooden floors for a concerning amount of time, your jaw aching and your eyesight blurred by tears. You know you look a hot mess but Jaemin thinks you’re absolutely stunning.

His beloved camera is steady in one hand as the other finds purchase in your hair. Pulling, and tugging aggressively on your hair as you cry out around his thick cock, every moan and groan sending pleasurable vibrations throughout his body.

“Open up princess, show the camera that pretty little mouth.” and you do, letting his dick rest heavily on your tongue. “That’s it, baby. Now keep it open,” he demands, smiling happily when you cooperate without hesitation.

A fat string of Jaemin’s saliva lands on your tongue, a wicked smirk forming across his features when he grabs the base of his dick, slapping his tip across your tongue a couple of times to smear his spit around. 

“Mmh,” he groans, nearly cumming at the sight of your eager hand attempting to fully take him back into your mouth. “My sweet girl is a little impatient I see.”

In the beginning, you were never really a big fan of giving head, but being with Jaemin changed you. He was great in bed, and the first couple of times you two had sex, he would never let you suck him off. He always preferred giving instead of receiving, but something had awoken inside of you the first time he finally let you have a taste.

He was so vocal and appreciative of how skilled you were with your mouth, the praise and constant reminders of this were the sole reason why you kept doing it, and over time you came to enjoy it more and more. 

“Shit-” You lick at his sensitive tip before taking him back into your mouth, cheeks becoming hollow as you suck on him with fervor. “You love my cock don’t you pretty girl? Always so fucking good at sucking my dick. Made just for you baby.”

You simply nod at all his nonsense, barely paying him any mind as you continue sucking him harder, faster as seconds pass by. Your hand strokes his base and plays with his balls as you stare up at him, the overwhelming sensation feeling all too good. He stares at you from the other side of his camera, nearly forgetting to record when you trace the sensitive vein on the underside of his cock.

“Fuck yes.” He shudders, thighs beginning to shake uncontrollably as he nears his climax. “God baby, gonna let me cum down your tight little throat?” You nod without hesitation and immediately, the grip on your hair is unbearably sharp and painful, your boyfriend forcing your head down to take his entire cock down your throat.

You can barely breathe but you love it, your airway being stuffed full of your beloved boyfriend’s dick was something you would never complain about. “My baby looks so pretty. Mouth stuffed full of my cock and tears in her eyes.”

His voice is unstable and rushed, the intensity of his approaching orgasm making him sound winded.

He thrusts his cock down your throat a couple more times before blowing his load down your throat, almost causing you to choke as he demands you to swallow it all.

You’re sure that you’re drooling everywhere, lips smeared with his cum and your saliva.

“So fucking sexy. Open wide.” You do once more, showing the camera that you had indeed, swallowed all of his cum. “I’m not done with you yet princess, get on the bed.” Now that he’s finished, he sounds more relaxed and controlled, his voice steady and the camera following your every move.

Jaemin pulls his sweatpants back up as he watches you follow his orders. “Take your clothes off, I wanna see you baby.” In seconds, you are completely naked on his bed, waiting patiently for his next direction. “All fours.” Spinning around in a rush, you get on all fours, wiggling your ass in front of Jaemin and the camera. 

A hash slap is delivered to the flesh and you groan, mind wondering if Jaemin would be nice and stretch you out with his fingers or dive straight in to fucking you. Jaemin was big. The biggest you had ever seen. The heaviest you had ever handled too.

“Gonna fuck your tight little hole so good, just watch.”

You assume he’s talking to the camera since you are currently facing the bedsheets, about to beg him to do something when his fingers start rubbing against your folds. “Shit Jaem.. please fuck me…”

He simply ignores you, continuing his teasing touches against your cunt. You open your mouth to complain when he shoves a finger inside of you, a whine slipping out instead. “So warm. Wonder how good it’ll feel around my cock.” He groans, moving the camera closer to get a clearer view of his fingers shoved deep inside of your pussy.

“Please… oh my god.” When he finds the spot that makes your toes curl, you know it's over. Your climax approaching faster than you expected. “Stop! Please- I can’t.”

Jaemin is stuck in his own world, blocking out the sound of your pleas and whines as he watches your body quiver and flail around in front of him. “Just once princess, please cum for me and I promise I’ll fuck you.”

The softness in his tone throws you off for a moment and the pace of his fingers picking up speed nearly makes you choke. You’re so close, but the thing that makes you climax is the feeling of his tongue against your hole.

“Shit!” You curse, shivering as you reach your high. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!“ Jaemin doesn’t stop when you climax, and all you can do is cry out and plead for him to stop against the bedsheets.

“Look how pretty…” He whispers.

Your entire body feels numb as he continues to abuse your hole with his fingers, not once stopping until you feel another orgasm building up inside of you.

“Please Jaem- fuck! I cant Jaemin, stop, oh my god…” There’s tears in your eyes, the pressure becoming overwhelming. All you could hear was the sounds of your soaking wet cunt being abused by Jaemin's thick fingers as he chuckled evilly at your suffering.

His camera was focused straight on your core, the lens picking up every single detail. “Such a good girl, taking everything I give you.” and finally, he stops, leaving a harsh slap to your ass as he pulls his fingers out of you.

You’re writhing on the mattress, mouth hanging open as thin strings of drool slip out onto the sheets. “I- fuck, I can’t Jaem-“ you breathe, clearly out of breath.

“I haven’t even put my dick in you yet and you’re already fucked out? How cute.” He adjusts his grip on the camera so that it’s capturing the mess he’s made of your cunt perfectly, adding another slap to your ass for the video.

“Turn around and spread your legs for me baby,” Your boyfriend starts, stripping out of his sweatpants as he awaits you to follow his direction. “I’m gonna fuck you now.” 

Your whole body hurts already, and you’re barely able to follow his order, groaning weakly as you muster the strength to flip yourself around and spread your legs for Jaemin to see. A low curse leaving his lips as he stares at the mess he’s already made out of you.

The room felt muggy as a thin sheen of sweat formed on your forehead, strands of loose hair matting onto your skin and mascara starting to smudge from the heat your body was emitting. “Please fuck me..” Jaemin smirks proudly when he hears you whine for him, staring straight at you with dark eyes.

“Shit,” he curses under his breath, getting tired of holding the camera in his hand. “Gonna fuck this pussy so good.” and with that, Jaemin stops recording, throwing the camera down onto the carpet below.

Positioning himself between your spread legs, you could feel the heat radiating from his skin, wondering how it would feel inside of you next.

“You want it so bad,” he growled, stroking your cunt with his tip. “You’re going to take it all, aren’t you?”

The anticipation was nearly unbearable, and you nodded feverishly.

“Yes...please,” you whispered, desperate for the relief only he could provide you with.

With one swift movement, Jaemin thrusts into you, filling you completely and sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout your body. Jaw slack, you gasp and moan, the feeling of him inside of you completely overstimulating.

“Oh fuck, baby,” He panted, feeling your pussy clench around him. He picked up the pace, his thrusts getting harder and faster, his thighs slapping against your ass with each movement. You felt his cock hitting that spot deep inside of you, sending you soaring higher and higher with each surge.

“Oh god, Jaem, yes, harder, deeper,” you pleaded, your nails digging into the sheets as you arched your back, meeting his every thrust. Jaemin grunted in response, his voice hoarse with lust as he poured everything he had into you.

Another climax hit you, this one even more intense than the last, and you wailed out his name as you came, clenching around him until he thrust once more, his own release filling you.

As he collapsed onto you, both breathless and spent, you couldn't help but smile weakly, your body still trembling from the intensity of the experience. Jaemin looked down at you, his eyes softening as he gently kissed your forehead.

“You're so beautiful,” he murmured, stroking your hair. The camera had long since stopped recording, but the memories of this night would be forever etched in your mind along with every other moment you spent with Jaemin.

#nct jaemin #jaemin #na jaemin #jaemin nct #nct #nct dream #nct u #kpop boy group #kpop boy group smut #kpop smut #jaemin smut #nct jaemin smut #nct smut #nct dream smut #smut #ihaechans

[terriyakiblack]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! 🧡🧡

boy you know what DOESN’T make me happy? Coming home to a dead PC. Shit on a stick that was a pain in the ass to fix. augh my poor fingiesss

1) So funnily enough, I can list problem solving / working on my PC as one thing. I was furious when I got home, it’s been a day, but holy shit it was a good feeling to get that new power box in and see it finally start up. Chef’s kiss.

2) Making stuff. Not necessarily being artistic, depending on how you look at it, but I’ve been working on a video project for a while now, almost done with it, and it just… feels good to make something. No real details ‘cause I like to keep certain personalities a little separate, but watching that timeline in my video editor go from nothing but a green bar of script I recorded to tons of cut and spliced footage just feels real good way deep inside, like around your pancreas or something, y’know?

3) I could just say Sea of Thieves and leave it at that but I’ll do you one better: sitting down with a Pepsi and snack, getting online — be it planned or not — grabbing the guys and going out on the seas is a fuckin vibe. It’s just nice, but if you add onto that some successful hunting or going out and coming back with a new story to tell, there’s nothing like it. I wouldn’t trade my mates for anything because they’re everything to me.

4) I’m absolutely awful about music and listen to damn near anything and it depends on how I’m feeling that particular day, but when I read my own mood right, find the right music and it sounds good, it hits right it is a damned good time.

5) I feel like I’m cheating a little bit here by saying this after already listing ‘making stuff’ but the Do You Think Sharks Have Feelings? project is deeply important to me. I note my official start time of it as September of 2020, but I know I had some brainstorming going on in the months leading up to that, but that means it’s been at my side through some pretty rough shit. By early April of 2021 I had written about five parts to it, IIRC, or it was four and then I split one part. I manged to write what I felt was an impressive amount of material then, and I kept going. Slowly, very slowly, but surely. Actually, it was a pitiful amount I got done over the next year, but I had the ideas in my head. When I was finally diagnosed with stuff and given medication, my ability to write took the fuck off. … things… in the house settled as well as I realistically should have hoped for, but it became bearable. Every first draft written, edited, and marked complete gave me a feeling like no other. Writing this dumb thing puts me in a great mood, even when I’ve taken a small break. Ever since April of 2022, I’ve been writing constantly. An annoying amount, even, sometimes, writing as we sail between islands or wanting to work on it instead of playing something, stuff like that. But the point is that no matter if I’m stumped on the part I’m working on or if I’m blitzing down an entire chapter in one day (done that twice now oops), I love this stupid thing.

#declawedwildcat #ask box games #terri rambles

[atlantablack]

tag meme!

Tagged by @cealesti and @feuxx (edited because wow I didn't realize i got tagged multiple times hello hi <3) this has been sitting in my drafts for like almost two months oops thank you for the tag!

nickname: Atlanta / 'lanta

height: 5"4 -ish?? i think??

last thing googled: When I Get There P!ink lyrics (i got a web weave idea)

song stuck in my head: Times Like These by Five Finger Death Punch

followers: 185

amount of sleep: today? like 9-ish hours because I got to sleep in, during the work week like 3-6

wearing: old dress that's too thin to wear in public

movie/book that summarises you: 10 Things I Hate About You / Pride & Prejudice

fav song currently: Somebody by Memphis May Fire

aesthetic: chaotic messy writer vibes I guess?

fav authors: astolat (Merlin), queerofthedagger, notcaycepollard (sambucky), palmviolet (ST), oaseas (ST), lymricks (ST), elissastillstands (Merlin), overnights (MCU), napricot (MCU), cm (sambucky), glorious_spoon (ST) alchemystique (ST)

.....imma stop there actually I have a lot of favorite authors

Not fandom: Casey McQuiston, Maggie Stiefvater, Richard Siken

random fact: I had my mom proofread my fanfic when I was 14 and I magically kept that lack of shame toward this one thing all the way into adulthood (proof: I told a co-worker last week that i'm writing ST fic because I was asking her about 80's music) I know, it's weird

Tagging: @queerofthedagger @magicinavalon @kairenn-n @alchemistc @yammz @nextstopparis @patchworkgargoyle and anyone else who wants to do it!

#tag meme #i really gotta stop leaving things in my drafts to die oops #atlanta rambles

[anyataylorjoy]

ATONEMENT 2007, dir. Joe Wright

#filmtv #moviegifs #chewieblog #ceremonial #perioddramaedit #userstream #bbelcher #atonementedit #kknightleyedit #useralyxx #usersunny #tuserdana #tusergolden #userairam #atonement #not this sitting in my drafts for 5 months oops #i think about this moment daily #a very self-indulgent set #mine:gifs

[fairyroses]

Brainy about Kara in 6x02 || Kenny Li to Kara in 6x06 

#they're the same picture.jpg #seriously though if brainy's not meant to be in love with kara then WHY were his words directly paralleled with kara's CANON FIRST LOVE?? #this show drives me to insanity I swear #supergirl #supergirledit #brainiac 5 #karadox #kara danvers #kenny li #brainiac5edit #kara x kenny #my gifs #this has been sitting in my drafts for months oops

[foofygoldfish]

#far cry 5 #deputy alice riley #this has been sitting in my drafts for a month oops

[almondmilks-posts]

Rejecting Simpbur/ incelbur

This deadass has been sitting in my drafts for 5 months oops

TW': Knife play// heavy manipulation// drugging whoops// stalking just creepy as shit bur

Ok but imagine simpbur getting all the courage and power needed to actually ask you out. He spent months stalking you in person and on social media trying to find the perfect personality to become to impress you. He new your favourite restaurant, why you and your ex broke up, your address, your boba order, how many time you wear your black trainers every possible detail he could find about you he did. Simpbur showered and got a hair cut just how you would like it in preparation, he caught you off guard on your weekly commute

A pale guy around 6'6 ( ok I know cannonically he's 5'4 but for this to work he's Hella tall and lanky) walked up to you on the street you had your headphones in so you didn't hear him at first " um Hello my name is wilbur" you stopped ugh not this guy again. You weren't sure if he was actually stalking you or it was just a coincidence that he kept turning up where ever you were, your ex in which you hadn't spoken to in over 6 months texted you about some guy who matched the description of willbur asking weird and out of order questions about you. "Uhh hi" he towered over you easily. " I was just wondering if you would like to go on a date? I've seen you around a few times and I think your super pretty" you almost rolled your eyes at this a few times was an understatement, you caught him looking into your kitchen window before even to go as far as to install CCTV cameras around the property. " Uhhh actually no I uhh have a boyfriend and well actually I've seen you looking into my windows I'm leaving and if I see you again I'm calling the police" you ran off to catch your bus now not looking behind you just incase he was following you.

Fine. if that's how you wanna play so be it. We all know Simpbur cannot handle rejection. But he's pissed, he tried so hard for you and you rejected him to his face he's gunna make you pay. So he amps up the level of creep. Breaking into your house now when your out, learning how your camera system works, the set up of your house ect .

It was a Friday night and you had been chillin in your home when a loud thud startled you. Not thinking much of it you went back to watching your TV show because you know how city life be. Another thud seeming much louder and much closer this time raised your anxiety. What ever it was was getting closer. you stood off your bed looking for a weapon to protect yourself from when the door flung open. Simpbur was standing in the open door, blood on his face and a gun pointed directly at you " hands up or I shoot" you stood frozen. You can't believe this is happening are you having a nightmare. This dissatisfied simpbur even more " awe you look so scared I said HANDS UP or I shoot god do your little ears not listen"

" how. Fucking. Dare you. Reject me y/n I'm the only person who love you ONLY PERSON AND you spat in my face" he forcefully pushed you against the wall, trapping you from moving. You struggled to break free due to his height advantage, even trying to kick him. " No no no play nice" simpbur hissed behind his teeth pressing the gun closer to your temples.

A sharp pain was brought upon your shoulder making you struggle to get away even more, the rope and tape was now burning into your skin. " Please let me go.... Please..." You sobbed begging him to let you go. From what you could see in the dark, simpbur was standing behind you teeth buried Into you shoulder where in joins with your neck in the lil dip.

" you made me do this you hear YOu made ME DO THIS!!! I was trying to show you my love because I do love you so much. More than anyone else could. Now, I'm going to keep you safe in here until you can learn to play nice again" forcefully a cloth was placed over your face, bur pushed it closer into your face to speed up the process. Finally after a few seconds of you struggling your body went limp again. Dangling in his arms he sat behind you dragging your tied body to the floor to cuddle you and stroke your hair. " I will make you love me y/n"

Note: heyy imagine I haven't written in over 3 months big yikes I've been so fucking busy. But it's cool my requests are open lol.

#simpbur x reader #c: simpbur #simpbur #wilbursoot

[hobivore]

i have been thirsting for joon a stupid amount recently so.....subby joon + 101....hehehe

I’ve had this idea in my drafts for a while and your request fitted perfectly, so thank you for finally making me write it Mai! Hope you enjoy 💗

↠ pairing: knj x reader (f) ↠ genre: smut ↠ rating: explicit (18+) ↠ words: 1.7k oops ↠ prompt: “I guess I’ll just get off all by myself.” ↠ warnings: telephone sex, masturbation, dirty talk, degradation, mention of choking, she’s kinda toying with him but he likes it, Namjoon in sweatpants because that should come with a warning, Joon’s subby and mostly very whipped and also a bit of a horny overthinking idiot (affectionate), also he’s a big dude… yes everywhere *winkwonk*

© madseok Do not repost, translate or use my stories without my permission.

One moment Namjoon is staring at the green phone icon, closing the app and re-opening it five times with twitching fingers, the other moment your sweet voice is purring in his ear.

“Namjoon?”

He nearly drops his phone in his lap.

Soft chatter buzzes in the background on the other side of the line. A door shuts and the click-clack of your heels echoes through the small speaker.

He looks at the clock and groans. 3:18 pm on a Thursday. Of course you’re at work.

It should take him less than 50 minutes to reach the airport by bike—he’s not going to risk subway traffic right before rush hour—and get on a plane to another continent. Change his name and disappear forever.

“Are you okay, baby?”

Has he said anything yet? God, is he going to be one of those guys who calls a girl, breathes heavily into the phone like a creep, then hangs up?

“Hi,” he croaks, flinching at his uncharacteristically high voice.

“It’s been a while.”

You’re right. It’s been 2 months and 4 days to be precise, but he doesn’t tell you he’s been counting the days. That’d be weird.

So he nods.

You stay silent and he rubs a hand over his face—of course you can’t hear him nodding. Get yourself together, Namjoon.

“I thought you’d never call me back.” There’s a wicked lilt in your voice and his stomach twists.

“Sorry.” He says. “I—I meant to call you sooner.”

He’d left your house with your number and it’d taken him all his willpower to stop himself from calling you that same day. He wasn’t a horny teenager anymore. He wasn’t desperate.

But then the days passed and the doubt started trickling in. Did you really want him to call you?

Maybe you’d regretted the night and given him your number out of pity. It had probably been a mistake, one of those nights you’d recall years after with your girlfriends. Sitting in a bar, tight black dress hugging every curve and a glass of wine in your hand as you talk about his stupid big dick and your friends erupt in laughter around you.

Or you had deleted his number from your phone and forgotten about his existence.

Namjoon wasn’t sure which situation was worse.

After 5 days, you’d called. He’d panicked and pressed the red icon—immediately shooting you a lame text message, ‘sorry, busy. will call you back later’.

He never called.

“Did you miss me?”

He swallows thickly. This morning I woke up with the outline of your body still imprinted on my eyelids.

“Yes,” he says, his tongue feeling too large for his mouth.

“I’m glad you called.” Your voice sounds honest and saccharine and it drips off his skin like honey.

Despite the whizzing aircon, Namjoon suddenly feels sticky and feverishly hot in his hoodie and sweatpants. “Where are you?” he asks, ignoring the fluttering inside his chest.

“I’m at work.“ You cut off his apology. “Don’t worry, you’re more fun than my colleague. He’s been nagging about his ex all day. I could use a break.”

Namjoon laughs. “Park? I remember you talking about him.”

He can practically hear your eyeroll over the phone. “The one and only. This is his other ex. Wait—” you’re moving again, “—I’ll hide in the toilet, he won’t come looking for me there.”

When you speak next, your voice echoes off the walls.

“You know, Joonie, I’ve missed you too.” Something clicks softly. You must’ve closed the toilet lid, sitting down on top of it, phone cradled against your ear. “I called you and you left me hanging like that.”

There’s an amused edge to your words that makes his chest tighten and his dick stir in his pants.

“So why call me now?”

His throat feels parched, and he looks around his room—no water. He gets up but stops himself before he’s out of his seat; Yoongi might be home, and he doesn’t feel like running into his roommate right now. Not when said roommate was the one who introduced you to him and kept telling him to man up and call you.

Namjoon fucked up and he owes you a proper apology. Not a stumbling mess.

“I wanted to hear your voice,” comes out instead.

To hear your voice, to see how your nose crinkles when you laugh, to fuck you senseless.

“Shit—I apologise.” He clears his throat. “For not calling sooner. I really am sorry.”

You laugh, a light, melodic sound. “It’s okay. I knew you’d call.”

The certainty in your voice makes his ears burn. Of course you knew he couldn’t stay away. Not after he’d felt your thighs clamped around his head, his tongue buried deep inside your pussy.

Not after he’d watched your face contort in pleasure while you bounced on his cock.

“So,” you continue, “you just wanted to hear my voice?”

Even separated by half a city and unable to see his face, you can see right through him.

His dick is tenting his pants and the blood is pounding in his ears. He ought to control himself better.

“Are you at home?” Your voice drops dangerously low and Namjoon knows he’s a lost cause the moment he lays his phone on the desk and puts you on speaker.

“I am.”

“You’re hard right now, aren’t you, Joonie?” You tut. “Calling me after such a long time. Getting hard at the sound of my voice. How pathetic.”

A small, wet patch darkens the grey fabric of his sweats.

“Or are you touching yourself already?”

“I—no!” He is quick to reply, voice rising. He wouldn’t dare. His head spins, and this is a lot, but he’s not that kind of person. The kind of person who’d jerk off to a woman without her permission.

“But you want to.”

Namjoon closes his eyes and lets out a shaky breath. “Please.”

“O, Joonie,” he hears your earrings clatter against your phone as you shake your head, “what should I do with you?”

He knows better than to answer a rhetorical question. You sound like you know exactly what to do with him.

“I want you to touch yourself. Picture it’s me.”

Namjoon’s breath hitches in his throat and he hooks his sweats under his balls, grabbing his cock in one hand.

It’s nothing like your soft skin stroking him, the small kitten-licks of your tongue teasing his tip, the wet heat of your walls surrounding him.

His hand is rough, with his long fingers and broad palm. He'd never paid much attention to his hands until you'd pointed them out.

So fucking big, you'd moaned when you’d showed him how to tighten one around your throat, your heartbeat hammering underneath the tips of his fingers.

It had taken him all his self-control not to come right then, on the spot.

He spits in his palm and starts moving his hand with slow strokes, toes curling inside his socks.

“Do you wish it was my pussy instead, baby?” Your voice sounds distant yet mellifluous through the device and he moans, tightening his grip.

Namjoon tells his students there are no stupid questions. That’s a lie.

There’s an absurd amount of them whizzing around his head right now. Why did your pussy taste so sweet? Is it possible for a person to suffocate between someone’s tits? Does Namjoon really want to die by boobs or is he just horny? (Knowing himself, there’s a 98% chance it’s the latter). What would his parents say if that happened? Would his university put up a picture of him on the bulletin board to mock him? Would he make the newspaper? Hopefully they don’t misspell his name.

He’s sure professor Choi would at least attend his funeral and thank him for his help. He’s been saving the old bastard a lot of time grading those dull papers.

No offence to the students.

“Answer me.”

He jerks in his seat. “Yes,” he grits out between clenched teeth. “Wish it was your pussy. Wish I could fuck you right now—” he whimpers, thumb pressing under the head of his cock, head lolling against the back of his chair.

“Poor boy,” you chuckle, and the sound goes straight to his core. “So desperate to waste your cum—you’re gonna spill it all over yourself instead of filling me up. What a shame.”

Your breathing sounds stable and even, and he doesn’t think you’re touching yourself. It makes his cock throb even harder.

He can picture you sitting on the toilet lid in your work clothes, leaning back against the wall. Fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of your shirt while he’s panting on the other side of the line. Murmuring filth in his ears with that lovely voice of yours—

He should probably hurry up before Park starts looking for you.

Picking up his speed, he lets out a low grunt and his eyes slip shut.

He can see you now, spread out before him on your bed, naked and waiting. He can feel you under his hands and taste you on his tongue. Your scent is intoxicating, soft moans falling from your lips as he pushes inside you.

“Faster.” You strike a sharp slap across his cheek with the flat of your hand—

Namjoon opens his eyes and his gaze lands on the bonsai on his desk. Its tiny red flowers look like they’re taunting him.

Don't judge me. You've seen worse than this.

There’s a ringing in his ears and he gasps at a particularly harsh flick of his wrist.

“Are you gonna come for me? Already?” You sound disappointed and his balls tighten.

You tsk. “You’re hopeless, Joon.”

He is. He’s hopeless, and his vision shatters, body hunching over as he comes all over his hand and chest.

Stroking himself slowly, he tries to regain his breathing. A part of his mind vaguely registers your voice on the other end of the line.

“What about you?” He pants, wincing at his sticky sweater.

“I guess I’ll just get off all by myself,” you chuckle. “Unless you want to come over tonight?”

#houseofddaeng #hyunglinenetwork #kpopscape #thebtswritersclub #bangtanarmynet #btsgoldnet #btsghostie #bts fanfic #bts smut #namjoon smut #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon #kim namjoon #sub!bts #sub bts #ttn

[cudan2]

One Last Surgery

Spring Break Shadowing Part 5.1

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 2,043

Summary: You finally find out the reason for going to the children’s hospital, but you’re more distracted than usual today and Dr. Cullen can tell. 

A/N: Tell me why part 5 of SBS takes up over half of the whole series? I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for 5 months because I keep adding more to it smh. Now it’s too long so I’ve decided to split it up into 3 parts (in addition to parts 6 and 7). I’m making the final edits the rest of this part now - 5.2 should be posted in like two days.

Anyways, this is technically the beginning of  #1 and #2 on my headcanon list.

Masterlist

XXX

Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital is only across the street from Doctor Cullen’s office, but it seems to take forever to get there. You trail the doctor like a lost puppy through a skyway and a series of corridors before eventually reaching the right building. Different is definitely an understatement.

Gone are the linoleum-tiled floors, the abstract paintings lining the hallways, and the stark white walls. Instead, there are bright colors everywhere you look. Artwork featuring various galaxies and planets scatter throughout the hospital, and giant stars are imprinted along the floors; even the whole atmosphere just feels different.

You don’t get much time to analyze the differences though. Doctor Cullen is wasting no time to reach the destination, and his long legs aren’t making it any easier to keep up.

“Not that I don’t like surprises, but any chance you can tell me what we’re doing in the children’s hospital now?”

“Impatient, are we?” Doctor Cullen chuckles. He stops at an elevator and pushes the up button, only giving into your question once he catches a glimpse of your pout. “Alright, you win. Are you familiar with a cleft palate or cleft lip?”

The elevator dings, the doors sliding open with it. You shake your head no and get on the elevator with him. He presses the button for the floor and then leans against the wall, arms outstretched on the handrail, and gives you an explanation. 

“A cleft is a gap or split occurring in the roof of the mouth, upper lip, or both. It is due to improper joining of the tissue during fetal development. There are no definitive known causes as of right now, but it’s believed that the environment and genetics can play a role.

The hospital has its own craniofacial team, but I was asked to join this particular case given its more complicated nature. Hanna became one of the first patients I treated when I came to Columbia,” Doctor Cullen finishes fondly, a smile gracing his lips.

“What makes this case complicated?” you ask.

“Hanna was born with a bilateral complete cleft lip and palate, meaning her lip cleft is two-sided and continues into her nose. It took quite a few surgeries to repair the lip, but now the next step is to repair the palate.”

The elevator reaches the floor and dings. You follow Doctor Cullen out and continue prodding him with more questions, which he is more than eager to answer. It’s incredible how knowledgeable he is. Granted, it is his job to know these things, but you couldn’t begin to imagine yourself being able to even scratch the surface of these topics, not to mention give a mini lecture on it.

You’re soon standing at the door to a patient room while the doctor asks Hanna’s parents if you can observe. They readily agree, and Doctor Cullen motions for you to come in.

Inside the room, you see an infant that can’t be more than a year old – Hanna.  She’s sitting upright on the bed, leaning against who you assume to be her father. You notice two fading scars going up into her nose above her lip. Her mother is waving a stuffed toy around her, but Hanna’s attention is fixated on the blonde doctor.

“Y/N, allow me to introduce you to Hanna’s parents, Anthony and Linh Pham. And this is Doctor Giselle Adamou, who will be working with me on the surgery,” Doctor Cullen gestures to the older doctor in the room.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” you say politely.

Pre-op goes differently than what you’ve gotten used to observing this week. There is no case presenting given the lack of residents on the case. If anything, this is what you would expect out of a non-teaching hospital.

Doctor Cullen re-explains the procedures to Hanna’s parents, but halfway through, Hanna crawls to the end of the bed where Doctor Cullen is and attempts to stand, arms outstretched as if to say, “Up! Up!” Bewilderment is not a word you would have associated with him, and yet you catch the brief widening of his eyes that betray his usually calm demeanor.

“I think she wants you to hold her,” Linh comments.

“I can see,” Doctor Cullen muses. “Do you mind?”

“She’s all yours.” Linh picks her daughter up from the bed and hands her to the doctor. The sound of Hanna’s elated laughter fills the room, and you can’t stop a small smile from appearing on your own face. A cute baby and a gorgeous doctor? You don’t know who to thank for the sight.

Meanwhile, Hanna starts playing with various pens in Doctor Cullen’s breast pocket while Doctor Adamou continues where her colleague left off. You try to pay attention, you really do. Like Hanna though, your attention lies on someone else, and that someone else happens to be Doctor Cullen.

The more you study him, the more the minute features you never noticed about him before seem to pop out to you. Under the bright fluorescent lighting of the hospital, the dark purple circles under his eyes are more apparent than ever. How ironic for the preacher of health to lack sleep himself. His eyes, which you normally consider to be a vivid golden, are darker than you initially thought them to be. They are liquid pools of dark amber, speckled with dustings of gold and flecks of black. There isn’t a single blemish on his face that you can see either, further confirming your belief that this man is truly the most attractive person you have ever met. Either that or he must have one hell of a skincare routine.

It’s unnerving how young his appearance is. Skincare and diet can only do so much for a person, right? Doctor Cullen has to be at least 35 at the minimum, yet he could easily pass off as someone from your own school.

“Any last minute questions?” you hear Doctor Adamou ask and snap back into reality. By missing nearly everything the older doctor talked about, you already know you’ll be so screwed if and when Doctor Cullen decides to interrogate you on this case.

Neither parent has anything left to say, so Doctor Cullen gives a reluctant Hanna back to her mother. She lets out a cry and his expression softens.

“I know, sweetheart. I’ll miss you too, but I need to get ready for your big surgery, okay? I promise you’ll see me again in a few hours.” His soothing voice does wonders for her. In an instant, Hanna quiets down and her frown is replaced with giggles and smiles again. She waves the two of you off, and you both take your leave with Doctor Adamou trailing behind you. You’re not even halfway out the door yet when Doctor Cullen starts testing your knowledge again.

“Y/N, what procedure will we be doing to repair Hanna’s cleft?” 

You do not have this one in the bag whatsoever. You wrack your brain for information that could help you, but Doctor Adamou interjects before you get a chance to say anything.

“Why does it not surprise me that you’re treating students like interns already, Carlisle?”

“I am merely advancing the education of next generation’s doctors,” he responds.

“Whatever you say,” she laughs. “Don’t scare off Y/N though, or we won’t have any doctors left in the next generation.” She turns to you after picking up files from a nearby counter and says, “You come running to me if he pushes you too hard, alright?”

You grin. “For sure.”

“Good. I look forward to seeing you both in the OR,” she says before heading off.

You like Doctor Adamou. Each surgeon you’ve met here so far has had such different personalities, yet each also has the charisma and confidence to take control of a room and command respect. You, on the other hand, could barely get your own friends to listen to your own words. How are you ever going to get on the level of all the amazing doctors around you?

“She saved you there,” Doctor Cullen comments, leafing through Hanna’s charts as he walks you into an empty elevator to the operating floor. Oops, it’s just your luck that he noticed your lack of attention during the pre-op. “It’s unlike you to be distracted. Penny for your thoughts?”

The elevator doors shut, and he looks up from the chart, his eyes falling onto yours. He has that twinkle in his eyes again – the one that brings warmth to your cheeks and could make anyone weak in their knees. You know it’s silly, but a single look from him could make you spill any of your deepest and darkest secrets, yet a part of you also knows that he would keep it. You’re not naïve – you know it’s dangerous to put so much faith into a man you only met this week – but there’s something about him that told your instincts to trust him from the very beginning.

Call it intuition, or maybe it’s just plain stupidity, but you sure as hell aren’t going to tell him about how you got distracted because of his pretty face.

You hesitate for a moment and let out a sigh. “How do you do it?” He quirks a brow, momentarily perplexed, and you attempt to find the right words. “How do you make all of this look so easy? How do you know what the right thing to say is? Or trust that what you’re doing is even right? How did you know if this was all meant for you? This is really dumb, but it seems like everyone here was born for this job, and then there’s... me.”

There’s a slight sense of dread starting to form in your stomach. You’re unsure if what you asked even made any sort of sense and wonder if you gave too much away. Giving any reason to second guess your abilities is like digging your own grave when it comes to this career. Expressing uncertainty is one of the biggest taboos of the cutthroat world that is pre-med because schools would not accept students that aren’t absolutely, totally, and completely sure about this path.

You’ve wanted this for so long, yet there’s still a part of you that doubts if you would be enough.

Rather than going straight to gowning and scrubbing in for the surgery, Doctor Cullen grabs your hand and leads you down to an abandoned hallway, only letting go once the two of you are hidden in an alcove away from any prying ears or eyes.

“What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for surgery?”

“We have a few minutes to spare. Y/N, please know that I understand how you feel,” he says softly. “There was a time when I questioned my own abilities as well… whether my perseverance could overcome adversity. It took quite some time to reach where I am today.  However, without enduring those trials and tribulations, I would not be here. With time comes experience, and it is that experience that allows me to perform my job the best I can.”

His voice reminds you of a gentle breeze, rustling the leaves of a tree on a cool summer night when he continues speaking in hushed tones. It brings a blanket of reassurance, a sense that things would eventually be alright.

“I have said this before, but I see enormous potential in you. You still have a great deal of time to grow and develop your skills. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself with others, especially given today’s societal standards, but I believe you are much more capable than you may think you are. Everyone’s journey is different and yours may not necessarily be as linear as you would prefer. In due time though, I have faith that you will succeed.”

What he says is exactly what you needed to hear.

The swell of tears pricks at your eyes and start blurring your vision, but you blink them away quickly, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around the doctor. 

“Thank you, Doctor Cullen.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

“You’re very welcome. Now, I believe there’s a little girl waiting on us.” 

XXX

Tag List - Message me to be added or removed to either this series or the rest of my fics!

@jelly-fishy-babie @notahappytree @anxiousgoldengirl

#carlisle cullen #carlisle cullen x reader #carlisle cullen imagine #twilight #twilight fanfiction #twilight imagines #twilight renessaince #twilight saga #twilight reboot #twilight renaissance #doctor daddy cullen #you guys can't tell but this whole story was one large self-insert #i started writing this at the beginning of the pandemic #was in the midst of my junior year and about to apply to dental schools #basically got rejected from all 19 schools i applied to only for one to rescind their rejection and offer me a spot for next year's class #it's a school in new york too!! #what are the odds? #for anyone struggling out there or feeling like things aren't going the way you want them to - life has a way of working out eventually #twilight fanfic

[farfromtommy]

home (sebastian stan x fem!reader)

not my gif

summary: sebastian is interviewed during quarantine and is asked about life at home with his wife and kids 

a/n: i was so ready to post my first draft of this and it was 2800 words and i read it again and hated it and deleted so much stuff but wrote even more now its 3600 words WHAT AM I DOINGGG. i read a fic in this sort of style and absolutley loved it. i don’t remember who wrote it but i believe it was a chris evans x reader. if you know what it is please let me know! the italics are the interviewer and regular text is sebastian! thanks for reading in advance! this was mildly edited for grammatical mistakes i will edit it soon i have so much school work i’ve fallen behind on but spent hours writing this oop 

wordcount: 2,800

masterlist 

taglist

Sebastian! It is really good to see you. How are you? How is life at home?

 -Hey! It’s good to see you, too. I’m doing pretty well, considering. I have 

nothing to complain about. I’m here with my wife and kids and we’re enjoying this time with each other.

How is everyone at home handling the madness?

-We’re all doing fairly well. It’s not easy having to change our routines so drastically, especially with 2 toddlers. They were frustrated with us and we were frustrated with them at first, but we adjusted and are trying to take it day by day. 

As you know, we’re doing these interviews with a handful of celebrities, talking a little about their lives as parents during these unprecedented times. As a fairly new father, we were interested to see how things have been in the Stan household and a little more about your family life. Thank you for allowing us to ask you these questions. I know you keep your personal life private from the public. 

-I don’t mind at all, I love talking about them. I could go on and on about them for days, so ask away.  

How did you meet your wife, Y/N? 

-I met her through a mutual friend. They had this party that we were both invited to and had introduced us. I believe she had gotten out of a pretty serious relationship not too long before we met, and from the get-go was not interested in talking to me at all. 

How long before she gave you a chance?

-After a few drinks I went up to her and told her if she didn’t want to go out with me she didn’t have to, but that I heard so many great things about her and wanted to get to know her better. We exchanged numbers and we talked on the phone almost daily and when she was ready, I took her out on a date. The rest is history. 

Where did meeting her fall into your life career-wise? What were you working on when you met her? 

-We met in April of 2014, so I believe Cap 2 had just premiered and I was signing on to do The Martian and The Bronze. 

Was she a fan of any of your work before you met?

-She had told me on one of those phone calls before we had officially started dating that she was a fan of shows like Pretty Little Liars, New Girl and was a huge fan of Gossip Girl, which I was on for a considerable amount of time, and I guess she didn’t realize it until I said something about it. Very early on I had promised to cook her dinner so she went to my place and we had dinner and then drank too much wine and watched a handful of the episodes I was in. The whole time she couldn’t get over how different I looked. 

I’ve seen the pictures of you two at your movie premieres, does she like going to those with you? 

-She loves it when we dress up and go somewhere nice, so premieres are right up her alley. She doesn’t participate in the interviews or anything but loves walking the carpet with me and standing in front of the photographers. I always have her close to me and I’ll be saying things to her to make her laugh, which in turn makes me laugh. We get good shots out of those moments. 

What was the very first premiere you took her to?

-Our first premiere was probably Civil War. I had taken her to some film festivals and other events before but that was our first big movie premiere together. We actually got married shortly after that premiere. 

I remember when you both walked out on the carpet at the Toronto Film Festival in 2017 for the premiere of I, Tonya, you had a pretty big surprise for everyone.

-Indeed we did. Y/N was about 34 weeks pregnant with our twin girls when we went and that's how we announced it! She was nervous about everything that day but she looked phenomenal and stole the carpet. We have a joke that she’s always pregnant when we go because she was 16 or 17 weeks along with our son when we went for the premiere of Endings, Beginnings in 2019. 

That is amazing, I didn’t know that!

-No one did except for us, until now!

What would she say has been her favorite movie you’ve been in?

-That’s a hard one. Every time a new movie comes out with me in it, she says it’s her favorite. But I think it would have to be between Endings, Beginnings or Hot Tub Time Machine. 

Hot Tub Time Machine is definitely the right answer to that question.

-I agree! 

Let’s talk a little bit about your kids. You have 2 daughters and a son?

-Yes! Y/N and I had our twin girls, Genevieve and Elena, in 2017 and our son Luca earlier this year.  

You sent me a few pictures of them and they are beautiful. Congratulations to you and Y/N on the new baby. How is everyone adjusting to the new addition?

-Thank you! I think now that we have a somewhat steady routine now, it’s a little easier for all of us. He’s only 3 months old so he’s still waking up every few hours to eat and it was hard on us for the first few weeks since we still have 2 toddlers requiring our attention as long as their eyes are open. But being home all the time and not working at all has given us the time we needed to establish a new routine for us with an extra person in our home. Y/N and I are a great team and work well together. 

Do the girls help you guys out at all with Luca?

-They love helping Y/N with Luca. We bought them some of those creepy baby alive dolls that you can feed and change their diapers when we first found out she was pregnant, and they were thrilled. Once we brought them home they couldn’t believe they had a real baby to take care of. It’s the sweetest thing ever. 

What kind of things do they do?

-Y/N is breastfeeding Luca, so she’ll sit on the rocking chair in our bedroom or on the couch and is confined to that spot for however long he eats for and she always gets super thirsty while doing it. So I bought her this water bottle that keeps her water cold and is easy to carry around when she’s holding him, but she never remembers to fill it before she sits down to feed him, so they will run to the kitchen and fill it for her. Or if she forgets her phone in the bedroom, they’ll go and grab it for her. They sit next to her and talk to Luca about their cartoons or anything they think of. When I’m on diaper duty, they grab the wipes for me and help me pick out his new outfit. Gen loves picking out his clothes and Elena helps me put them on him. 

That is amazing, you and Y/N are raising some pretty wonderful kids. 

-They are pretty remarkable, they take after their mom. 

Who do your kids take after, looks-wise?

 -The girls look more and more like Y/N every day. Her parents sent us pictures from when she was their age and it’s scary how identical the three of them are. Luca is starting to look a little bit like how I did when I was a baby, I’m super pumped about that. They all have blue eyes very similar to mine, and all have my cleft chin. 

Is it safe to say Gen and Elena are daddy’s girls and Luca is a mama’s boy?

-Absolutely. There are days when I cannot get Luca to relax and stop fussing but the minute he hears Y/N’s voice, he’s calm and it’s like nothing is wrong. His favorite place in the world is on her chest with his ear against her heart. He loves to stare at her whenever she’s holding him or if I’m holding him and she’s across the room, he’s got his eyes on her. He’s always just absolutely taken by her and refuses to let her out of his sight. He gets it from me. The girls are a little more complicated. When they’re full of energy and want to be rowdy and obnoxious, they run right to me because I love chasing them around the house or having them climb all over me. When they are chilled out and want to play with their dolls, color, or watch cartoons they always go to Y/N. The three of them love laying in our bed watching cartoons with one girl on either side of Y/N. I bet that’s what they’re doing right now. But they’re 100% daddy’s girls, don’t let the cuteness in our bed fool you.

How do you and Y/N handle the inevitable tantrums?

 -We have created a really good system with them. If one of them starts to have a meltdown we separate them before the other one starts getting upset, we take whoever is having the meltdown and sit down on the floor and try to get them to talk to us about why they’re upset and allow them to express their feelings to us. We want to teach them how to understand and express what they’re feeling and develop the skills to deal with them in the future. The same goes for if they have tantrums at the same time or if they’re upset with me or Y/N. When they’re ready we put the girls together and have them apologize or say whatever needs to be said. 

What do your days look like now that you’re at home with them?

  -Luca wakes us up at about 6 am to eat and a diaper change. Mornings are one of the only times Y/N and I have to ourselves so we go back to bed and just enjoy being there with each other. The girls come in around 8 and want to get under the covers and cuddle with us for a bit. Sometimes we’ll get Luca out of his bassinet and it’ll be all 5 of us, but usually we take this time to love on our girls for a bit before we get our day started. After an hour or so they start to get hungry so one of us will stay in bed with the kids while the other handles breakfast. Once we get them out of bed and they’ve had breakfast I play with them before I do some work. I’ll work for a couple of hours and then we’ll eat lunch together and all the kids go down for naps.

-During their nap Y/N and I are working out a little and tidying up around the house. When the girls wake up they’re full of energy and we’re chasing them around and keeping Luca happy until dinner. After dinner they all have bath time with mom and I’m finishing up some work and doing the endless amounts of laundry we have. Bedtime for the girls is 9 pm and after they’re asleep we’re in the living room with Luca until he starts to get tired and he goes back into our room and goes to sleep. When all the kids are in bed we’re in the living room watching a movie or listening to music and talking to each other. We’ll take a shower or a bath together before we get ready for bed and do the same thing all over again!

Wow! You guys have your hands full it seems.

 -Kids are no joke. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when Luca is mobile. My life nowadays is chasing after toddlers and laundry. So. Much. Laundry. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way, I love being a dad.

Have you thought about taking everyone to Romania and showing them where you grew up?

 -Y/N and I went in 2016 while we were in Europe for our honeymoon and spent a couple of days there. We had talked about going this year or the next and leaving the girls with her parents but then we found out she was pregnant with Luca and we don’t want to leave him when he’s too young. Maybe when they’re older and can appreciate it more we’ll take them, I’d love for them to learn a little bit about their history. 

Have you taught them any Romanian?

 -I have. My mom encouraged me to introduce them to it when they’re young so they’ll absorb it better. The girls know a couple of words and can understand and speak basic sentences when I’m talking to them in Romanian. They’re picking it up a lot quicker than I thought they would. Luca just giggles when I talk to him in any language. 

What about Y/N? Did you ever try teaching her?

-I did, and still am. One of the ways I tried impressing her when we first got together was how I could speak a different language and she loved it and made me promise to teach her the basics. When things got serious and I introduced her to my mom, we spent the whole evening teaching her simple words and phrases. She’s good at picking up what we’re saying and putting everything together to understand what we said. I translated for her the entire time we were in Romania. She knew what she wanted to say but didn’t know how to say it. She’s getting there. 

What changes when you are cast for a movie that is going to keep you away from home for an extended amount of time?

-Before I met Y/N and had kids, I was taking jobs wherever and didn’t care if I was going to be away for months at a time. Once we brought up about settling down and buying a house together and starting a family we had a long conversation about where my career was going to go and how we were going to fit a family into that. She never wanted me to give up what I love doing and always said a family could wait until I was ready to step back from acting. I knew most of the things I’d be working on would be based in New York or Atlanta. We have our house in New York and it only made sense to have a house in Atlanta. Now whenever I’m needed in Atlanta for work, we pack up some things and have it shipped to our house down there. 

How did you handle having to shoot for Infinity War and Endgame for so long?

-Luckily I didn’t have a huge role in either of them and didn’t have to be on set as much compared to Evans or really anyone else in that movie. Shooting started for Infinity War January of 2017 and we bought our house down there just a few months prior. I had some other things I was working on in Atlanta and we had just decided to stay down there until everything was wrapped. We got there at the beginning of February and found out Y/N was pregnant with the girls about a month after that. We wrapped Infinity War in July and Endgame started in August. We did the premiere for I, Tonya, and went back to Atlanta since I would be needed there again. Y/N went into labor a few weeks later and we had the girls in Atlanta right in the middle of shooting Endgame. 

Did you take them to set to introduce them to everyone?

-We did. We had them a couple of weeks before we shot the final scenes in Endgame and when Y/N was a bit stronger, I asked her to bring them to set for morale and dear God everyone lost their minds. Everyone knew we had them but I wasn’t on set at all until that day and a couple of hours into shooting I told everyone to be prepared for what was coming and with everyone standing around looking confused, here comes Y/N with these 2 tiny babies in her arms. I have some pretty epic pictures and me holding them with the metal arm on and Evans holding them with the Cap suit. 

Who do you trust most to babysit them out of everyone you worked with on Endgame?

-Evans is definitely on the top of my babysitter's list. He did watch them a few times when he was in Atlanta for a another movie while we were shooting Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Y/N and I needed a date night and he offered to stay at our house and watch them. The girls adore him. Mackie is great with them, too. I could probably call Tom Holland if I was desperate.

Did Y/N have Luca while you were shooting The Falcon and the Winter Soldier?

-Yes. We started shooting in November of 2019 in Atlanta, and she was about 24 weeks pregnant. I took her and the girls with me and Y/N went into labor in February. 

When production was set to move to Europe, were they all going with you? 

-So when we found out we were set to shoot in Prague we knew Y/N and Luca weren’t going to be able to go since he was going to be too young to travel out of the country. We planned to get her and the baby back to New York in March and I was going to take the girls to Europe with me, so Y/N could focus on Luca and not have to take care of all 3 of them by herself. We were shooting for 3 weeks so it wasn’t a crazy amount of time for us to be apart. 

How did the virus change those plans?

-When news of the virus spreading broke we got Y/N, Luca, and the girls to New York before it spread here. Y/N has some family in Florida so they drove up and flew to New York with her so she had help with the baby and the girls. Production was halted the first week of March and I was on the next plane to New York to get back to them. 

How scary was it sitting at home with your 3 young kids just watching how quickly the virus was spreading?

-It was terrifying. As a parent all you want is to protect your kids from anything that can hurt them, and you’ll do anything to make sure they’re safe and healthy. I had never felt so helpless. When the numbers kept rising and rising here I felt like we had made a mistake coming back and wished we would’ve stayed in Atlanta. But we didn’t know how long this was going to be happening so it was ultimately the right move to come back here. I’m the one who does all the grocery shopping and leaving the house for essentials. Y/N and Luca have had a few postpartum appointments and checkups but that’s the only time either of them is going out. We are lucky to have a yard for the girls to run around and be able to play outside and for us to get fresh air. 

We’re just about wrapped up here but I have a few more questions. These are questions that some fans sent in. How has your life changed over these past few years since becoming a husband and father?

-It’s changed for the better. Meeting Y/N was probably one of the greatest things that have ever happened to me and has given me so many amazing opportunities in my life I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I’m not even just talking about becoming a dad, but she has helped me see things in me I never saw before and she pushed me to become better. I’ve become a better person because of her. There are so many things having kids has taught me, I could probably write books about it. I love my kids with everything in me and couldn’t imagine my life without them, and I never want to. 

Do you want more kids? 

-Y/N and I would love to have another baby. I don’t want to overwhelm myself or Y/N with adding another baby into the mix too soon. I still have a lot of commitments I’ve made to work once all of this craziness is over. Maybe in a couple of years when I can step back from acting, we’ll revisit the idea of another baby. I do need one more boy to level the playing field. There are going to be 2 teenage girls in this house eventually, I’m going to need all the testosterone I can get. But right now, everything is perfect.

  What is one thing you want to make sure your kids remember about you and Y/N after you guys are long gone?

 -I want them to remember the love we had for them, and for each other. There’s a line from The Office I always think about every time I see Y/N. “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” My kids are never going to doubt for a second the love I have for Y/N. I hope they grow up believing in that sort of love and one day can share it with their person like I am with mine.  

Thank you Sebastian for this amazing interview. I send all my love and well wishes to you, Y/N, Genevieve, Elena, and Luca. 

-I’ll be sure to pass that along, thank you so much!

a/n: im a sucker for dad!seb this made me SO SOFT

tagging some mutuals : @bellamys @constantaking​ @auroraevans​ @angrybirdcr​ @auroraevans​ @tfandtws​ @smilexcaptainx​ @rubberducky-jrr​ @rosetintedbucky​ @disaffectedbarnes​ @cosmicbucky​ @spideyspoods​ @hollandsosterfield​ @spideybrie​ @wildflowerbarnes​ @marvelxholland​ @cutesparker​ @afictionaladventure16​

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan x fem!reader #sebastian stan x pregnant!reader #sebastian stan smut #Sebastian Stan x reader #Sebastian Stan x y/n #Sebastian Stan x you #sebastian #stan #seb stan #Sebastian Stan fluff #dad!sebastian stan #dad!sebastian #sexy seabass #Sebastian Stan angst #Chris evans #seba #Chris Evans x reader #marvel #the winter soldier #Bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #James barnes #Sebastian Stan interview

[excelsi-or]

just a little sweeter (pt. 10)

HELLLLOOOOOOOO~~ are you guys still there? LOL, it’s been like a month and a half since I last posted on here. The end of the semester just really got intense with projects, presentations, and finals. But I’m here and back for at least two weeks. I wanna see if I can bosh out the rest of this series before I move onto another one. 

I hope you’re all well. If you wanna update me on what’s new with you all, I’d love to know. I applied to grad school. I have one more semester left before graduation. Vaccinations have started in my area of the world. I started playing Hollow Knight (if anyone wants to talk about THIS GAME, please do. I love it.) Think that’s kinda it. 

BIPOC reeeeeccccc: N. K. Jemisin’s The City We Became is EXCELLENT. Diversity, racism, feminism, LGBTQ representation. I love it so much. One of my favourite books of the year, hands down. Nicole Crowder on IG does like upholstery and interior DIYs and content. I’ve been wanting to upholster these two chairs in my home and she put up a whole 2 min tutorial on how to do it. 

w.c. 3k (lol, it got really long oops! fluff and mature content, not quite smut, but it was definitely getting there. The first draft of this part was basically just smut, so I chopped and fixed it LOL. hope you guys still like it.)

pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9

“What do you mean you haven’t had sex with him yet?”

She rolls her eyes and sets a bowl in front of her previous roommate. Soobin had moved out months ago, shortly after she’d met Jihoon.

“It’s going really slow.” She slips into the seat across the table. “We haven’t really said I love you yet either.”

“What do you mean ‘haven’t really said’? What? Just ‘cause Woozi’s an idol he doesn’t know how to treat you right?”

She motions for Soobin to tuck into the food. “Jihoon is treating me wonderfully, thank you very much.” She pauses, her chopsticks hovering in the air. “It’s just… slow.”

“He has a whole child!” Soobin chews her noodles as she continues. “You’ve already passed the point of going slow.”

“It’s not as if Eunha is my child.”

“The kid spends more time here than any of our friends or your family.”

“Jihoon’s been busy.” She shrugs. “It’s easier for him to leave Eunha here than take her with him. Plus, you know the Terror likes her.”

Soobin chuckles. “That little horror of a brother of yours likes everyone.”

She smirks. “Okay, fair.” Then she waves her chopsticks between them. “But Eunha’s probably the reason why he’s going slow. We need to see if we’re compatible.” She meets Soobin’s gaze. “The man has a child.”

“It’s been months!” Soobin quickly cuts in before any interruptions. “Seven months to be exact. You would think that the next step at analyzing compatibility is whether you guys vibe in bed.”

She hums. She doesn’t want to admit out loud that yeah, she’s been having fantasies about Jihoon. However, she hasn’t gotten any clear signals from Jihoon that he wants to pursue anything further than making out on her couch after a date. And before she can broach the topic, he’s off to go get Eunha. If Jihoon never wanted to have sex with her, she wonders if that would be a deal breaker. But she really has no idea.

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“Sex? No.”

“So, what do you guys talk about?”

She throws her head back with a laugh. “You say that as if the only thing you and Jae talk about is sex.”

“Well, it came up a lot when we first started dating.”

“That’s because you guys started off having sex.” She sighs, turning her noodles with the tips of her chopsticks. “This relationship is really different. I don’t know how to gauge it.”

“Do you love him?”

“I haven’t told him.”

“But you do.”

“Yeah.”

“And does Eunha put you off wanting to be with him?”

She rests her cheek in her palm. “I honestly thought she would, but she only makes me love him more.”

“Then talking about sex, even if you’re not having it, is the next step.” Soobin gauges her friend’s reaction. “Even if Jihoon is the type not to want it. You should at least know that. He’s obviously done it at one point.”

There’s a pause before they both say, “The child.”

She nods. “You’re right though. We should talk about it.”

Seungcheol knocks on the studio door. “Hey. You needed me?”

Jihoon turns in his chair and nods. “Yeah. I need a second set of ears on this song. Bumzu hyung and Soonyoung are busy.”

Seungcheol nods and falls into the seat next to Jihoon. He notices the book on the desk. It’s been sitting there for a while. “You finish it?”

Jihoon glances at the book. “Oh.” Then, he resumes clicking through the excessive number of files open on his screen. “Yeah.”

And you haven’t returned it?”

“She reads it when she comes over.” Jihoon hands over the headphones and finally catches Seungcheol’s expression. “What? Is there some big meaning behind that too?”

Ever since he started dating, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and basically everyone in the building has found various meanings in his songs and life that allude to how ‘in love’ he is. He’s not about to tell everyone he’s in love—she doesn’t even know that yet—but not everything going on is about his relationship.

Seungcheol shrugs as he adjusts the headphones on his ears. “You seem to think there isn’t.”

“God.” Jihoon sighs and turns in his chair. He drops his cheek into his palm. “Enlighten me.”

“She’s a big reader and doesn’t like to leave books unfinished. If she’s letting you hold onto it for her, for when she comes over here, that says something.”

“So does leaving my daughter in her care, but we all have something we need taken care of.” He turns back to the screen. “Now, listen to this hook for me.”

Seungcheol settles back into the seat. He bops his head along to the melody until the lyrics play clear in his ears. Wide eyed, he turns to Jihoon and pushes one headphone off his ear. “We’re not putting this on the album, are we?”

Jihoon looks over at him with an eyebrow lifted. “Why not?”

“This is such a… a bedroom… sex song.” Seungcheol shakes his head. “We can’t put this on there.”

Jihoon frowns. “What?” He looks at the file name and feels his cheeks heat up. “Whoa. Not that one.” He quickly closes the file and makes sure that it’s closed. But his checking gives Seungcheol time to see a folder with her name. There’s one for Eunha that none of the boys want to ask about, but his girlfriend? She’s fair game.

“You have a folder of songs for her?” He acts horrified. “And that was one of them?”

Jihoon tries to think of any way out of this conversation and realizes that due to his carelessness, he can’t. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

“How many songs are in there? Do they all sound like that?”

“I refuse to answer those questions knowing that everyone is going to know by tomorrow and it’s already embarrassing that you know about one of them.”

“Hey.” Seungcheol’s voice goes soft. He likes to tease, but he recognizes touchy subjects when he broaches them. “Sorry. I didn’t realize. You know you can talk to me, right?”

Jihoon side eyes him. “I don’t want to admit how I feel about her to you when she hasn’t even heard all the songs on there.”

“What’s the folder for?”

“Just… inspiration.” Jihoon leans back further in his chair. “The songs on the upcoming album have come out of there. At least the less… perverted ones did.”

“There are other songs like that.” Seungcheol tries not to sound too surprised.

Jihoon’s cheeks are so warm that he takes a sip of his iced coffee. “Lately… yeah.”

“Have you…” Seungcheol shakes his head. “No. How could you? You always come home for Eunha.”

At this, Jihoon looks at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well… just that if you guys were having sex, you wouldn’t come straight home to your daughter, would you? Not when all of us would know.” Seungcheol narrows his eyes. “Right?”

Jihoon doesn’t even know how to respond to that except with the truth. “Fine. No. We haven’t yet.”

“Because of her or because of you.”

“Things are going slow. I don’t know… how to broach the topic.”

“Why can’t showing up to her door with passionate kisses be enough?”

“And what? Leave Eunha with you guys overnight?”

“Yeah, why not?”

So, Jihoon does just that and it turns out so much better than he expected.

“Why does this shirt,” he mutters between kisses, “have so many buttons?”

She giggles against his lips and steadies his hands in hers. “You’re excited. Like a child. Calm down.”

Jihoon hums, obsessed with the taste of her lips and her hands around his. She guides him through the motion of unbuttoning her shirt. Once they’re undone, he pulls away slightly. She tips her head. Jihoon is gentle with her shirt, sliding it off her shoulders. Her eyes watch him the entire time, watch him admire her body as the fabric falls to the floor. His hands start from the sides of her thighs up her body, skimming over her underwear, and holding her under the arms, hands right by her breasts.

“You’re really gonna tease,” she chuckles. She closes the distance between them, kissing him and fumbling with his shirt. His shirt is easy, his sweatpants he practically steps out of. It’s once they’re both just standing in their underwear that she stops him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Jihoon kisses her shoulder and up her neck to the base of her jaw. “Why would I want to stop?”

“Eunha?” she hums. The child’s face is prominent in her mind, but becomes hazy every time Jihoon sucks a spot on her neck.

“She adores you. Which gives me permission to also adore you.”

She smirks, arms wrapping around Jihoon’s neck to force him back to her lips. “I’m glad I pass the test.”

Jihoon scoops her up and carries her to the couch. She gasps in surprise, which forces him away again. Spread along the couch are a lot of her art supplies. When she turns back to him, there’s a grin on her face.

“I wasn’t expecting you to jump me tonight. I was planning to paint, so…”

“Do you want to clean first?” he chuckles.

She shrugs.

Jihoon snorts and picks her shirt up off the floor and hands it to her. As much as he wants to sleep with her, it seems tonight may not be the night. He finds his sweatpants and pulls them on then helps her move her art stuff. He sits on the coffee table while she manoeuvres her piece from the floor to the desk.

“Do you want to paint?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “I want to spend time with you.” She moves some stuff to make space for her piece.

“Do you want to teach me to paint?”

She peers over her shoulder at him. “Really?”

“Well, I’m impossible to teach, but I don’t want to leave yet.” Jihoon glances at her bare torso, as she hasn’t bothered to button the top. “And I like the view.”

She rolls her eyes, an amused smile on her face. “Are idols allowed to say stuff like that?”

Jihoon looks around her home. “Unless you have a listening device and turn me in, I’m confident to say how I feel about you.”

A smile blooms on her face at hearing that. She pulls one of her watercolour pads off the desk and motions for him to join her on the floor. She flips past the first two pages, but Jihoon still catches glimpses of them.

He grabs her wrist to stop her. “Were those of Eunha and me?”

“Oh.” She tilts her head and flips back. “Yeah.” The first page is from the night he had come over to learn to cook. The second was their first date.

Jihoon looks to her expectantly and she can only shrug.

“I draw what I like.”

Jihoon doesn’t know why he finds that embarrassing, but his ears feel warm.

She tips her head back in a laugh. “Of everything that’s happened tonight, Jihoonie, I don’t think you need to be embarrassed to hear that I like you.” She returns to the one with Eunha on it and pulls the sheet. “I wanted to give it to you, but I thought maybe it would be creepy if you knew I was painting you and your daughter from memory.”

Jihoon stares at the paintings. He can see Eunha’s expression in them; how happy she had been with the meal and the dessert. If this is what he’d look like that night, he had been extremely relaxed. His finger traces over the skin, amazed at how seamless it appears.

When his eyes lift to meet hers, she seems surprised to see tears.

“What’s wrong?”

Jihoon shakes his head. “Nothing.”

She slides closer to him and her thumb brushes his tears away. “You’re crying.”

Jihoon sighs and his head tips back, as he tries to keep the tears in. “I… it’s just that…” Jihoon’s gaze rests on her again. “No one else has seen Eunha like this. The members do, but they helped me raise her. Which is why sometimes she’s an absolute menace.”

She smiles.

“But…” Jihoon studies the painting, at his baby so beautifully depicted. “I don’t know. This kind of reminds me that maybe I’m doing okay if she looks like this.”

“Jihoon, you’re doing great. She’s happy and she loves you.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m failing her all the time, and…” The tears appear again. “And I feel like I lost some of who I am, because I had her.”

She eases the sheet of paper out of his hands. Jihoon uncrosses his legs so she can move between them, draping her legs over his thighs. Her hands plant on the floor between them as she leans forward to press kisses to his face. His eyes close at the sensation. “Jihoon, she is all you. Your music is who you are. You live and breathe Seventeen. Just because you became a father doesn’t mean you lost any piece of the Jihoon that was there before she existed.”

Jihoon lifts a hand to the back of her neck to pull her closer. Painting is put on the back burner, as they get lost in the feeling of kissing each other. Jihoon’s legs curl behind her to prevent her from moving away. His free hand slips inside her shirt and finds home on her hip. His thumb moves back and forth across the skin there.

Meanwhile, her hands have pulled him as close she can get him, her fingers tangling in his hair. When she gives the hair at the base of his neck a small tug, he groans. This lets her slip her tongue into his mouth. He tastes like her coffee, unsurprisingly enough. And she has to admit, it tastes better on his tongue than in the cup.

She can feel his growing hard on through his sweatpants. When she pulls away to breathe, she asks, “So we’re not painting then?”

Jihoon hums something incoherent, because she latches her lips against his neck.

“Wait,” he breathes.

She slows her assault on his neck, but doesn’t stop.

“No hickies.”

“Simple enough,” she breathes against his skin.

Jihoon finds himself falling back onto the floor as her kisses trail all over his body. Her hands explore every muscle and memorize them. Jihoon enjoys the treatment, his eyes closing while he lets his other sense take over. She wiggles him out of his sweatpants again and then returns to his lips.

“Bed?” She adjusts her body over his, putting pressure against him, which makes it impossible for him to reply.

Jihoon looks up at her and his eyes are dark, pupils blown wide. She sucks a spot on the soft skin near his jaw, but stops before it can leave a mark. He manages to roll them over.

“You’re making it really hard to think.”

She slides a leg between his, which seems just enough friction for him to grimace. “You’re thinking with something else.”

“Where’s your bed?”

Her eyes dart to her left. He helps her to standing and then lifts her. Her legs wrap around his waist. If there had been other objects in the way, he would have knocked into all of them, because she starts kissing him again. And it seems like his brain shuts off as soon as she does that. He presses her against her bedroom wall and when he ruts against her, her breath catches.

“So, you are needy.”

“Lee Jihoon, you are literally between my legs,” she manages between kisses. “Yes, I’m needy.”

Jihoon pulls away for a moment. “But you’ve seemed so calm and collected tonight.”

She rolls her eyes and gently kisses his cheeks before saying, “If I was ready to pounce on you when you walked in here, would you have wanted to fuck me?”

Jihoon jumps at the blatant term, but he pivots so that he can lay her on the bed. One of his hand sneaks between her legs, his other arm propping his body over hers, and drags his fingers over the fabric. When she squirms beneath his touch, he says, “Maybe not. But… I’ve wanted this a while.” He meets her gaze. “So I don’t think too much have scared me away tonight.”

Her head tilts back as he begins to rub his fingers in circles. He watches her carefully.

“Stop staring,” her breath hitches, “and kiss me.”

Jihoon smirks. “Make me.”

She snakes a hand behind his head to pull him down towards her. Her kisses stutter depending on the speed of his fingers. His kisses trail down to her neck and nibbles the soft skin on her collar bone. She presses her hands into his shoulders to try to keep her bearings. When he kisses back up her neck and sucks the soft spot of her jaw and she moans something beautiful, he knows that’s a sound he’s going to have in his mind long after this is over.

He slows his fingers down. “How close are you?”

Her breath is heavy; she can’t even answer him. Her rut up into his hand is good indication though.

Two of her orgasms and one of his later, he returns from the bathroom with a washcloth and gently cleans her off. Then he lies on top of her again, her hands go to massage his temples.

“So, you’re going to tell your daughter we… coloured when you came over today?” she teases.

Jihoon rests his cheek against her chest, listening to her heartbeat slowing down after the exertion. “I told her she was staying with the members because I was coming over here for a play date.”

She laughs. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

Jihoon can’t help but smile as he falls asleep.

#woozi #woozi scenarios #woozi imagines #lee jihoon scenarios #Lee Jihoon #seventeen scenarios #Seventeen #seventeen imagines #Svt

[mopeytropey]

a beer buds series: chapter 6

Timeline: takes place during chapter 5 of ‘apu’ just before Lexa and Clarke get a little too drunk while watching movies (oops!) in which they fall asleep on Clarke's couch together (oops again!), subsequently commencing what I like to call The Separation

Beer: Free Rise (MOSAIC) DRY-HOPPED SAISON

This edition of Free Rise highlights locally sourced Danko Rye from Valley Malt and Mosaic in the dry hop. A nuanced fruity hop profile is balanced with subtle, crisp malt character and expressive notes of pepper and clove. Light in body, with a clean, bone-dry finish.

ABV 7.3%

Posted on AO3 here or below the cut :)

Free Rise: Trillium Brewing Co (Fenway/Boston, MA) :::

“This newer location is great, but you really need to experience their beer garden next summer on the green. Clarke is obsessed with it—chances are she’ll probably drag you there at some point.”

Lincoln says it so casually, and the image that Lexa begins to paint comes effortlessly.

She and Clarke on a day trip to Boston in mid June, sharing sips of beer and sampling local food trucks in the afternoon sun. Clarke’s rasping laughter drifting through the park as Lexa is further charmed, relaxing in the warm sun and nearby ocean breezes.

She would allow Clarke to drag her any number of places, Lexa thinks. Given the opportunity.

“I’m excited to see both locations,” she says to Lincoln, as if her mind hadn’t drifted into an idyllic landscape of some potential future.

It’s what she’s begun to sense as of late: possibility.

A recent glimmer of hope has been sparking at the periphery of Lexa’s consciousness. There’s the exhilaration of what might be possible for her and Clarke, even in its uncertainty. Even if she doesn’t have any control over it. She can feel the potential of things to come buzzing through her even now, as she and Lincoln walk under the looming, green shadows of Fenway Park.

“Have you been?” Lincoln asks, nodding towards the infamous baseball park that sits in the heart of the city, surrounded by bars and businesses and gawking tourists.

“Not yet.”

“We should go—I haven’t had anyone to hate watch the Red Sox with in years.”

Lexa smiles up at him. “A cherished pastime.”

They swap baseball stats and playoff predictions while walking down the stretch of Brookline Ave between historic Fenway and Trillium. The city air is crisp and cool, and Lexa almost wishes for a jacket, but the chill invigorates her already vibrant mood. Upcoming plans with Clarke have filled her with an unchecked buoyancy.  

Costia had left that morning for her weekend away with a parting kiss to Lexa’s temple, a warm hand cupped around the back of her neck.

Safe, perfunctory. Everything that Lexa has begun to associate with Costia.

“Can we try to talk about this again when I get back?”

For once, Lexa hadn’t flinched at the mention of Costia’s research grant and its implications for their relationship. “Sure.”

The extent of their goodbye at the door of their apartment had been Costia’s soft look and Lexa’s small smile as she briefly squeezed Costia’s fingers.

There had been a time when impending distance felt torturous—longing would spring up after only hours apart, and Lexa would ache to see her again.

Those moments for them, like so many others, are gone now.

And, if they have lost their weight, if they are no more than performative interactions between them, Lexa has begun to wonder: what’s left?

What is it that has kept her clinging to Costia so willfully?

Lexa has always excelled at making sense of her life and maintaining control, even amidst the chaos and unpredictability that has so often plagued her. She considers herself a rational person with a reasonable sense of the world, particularly the mechanics of her interpersonal relationships.

Being with Costia had been no different. From the very start, they just made sense. Lexa has always found comfort in the expected, seeking logic and practicality in her daily life.

At least, historically.

Ever since Clarke (clumsily) breezed into her life, Lexa hasn’t felt entirely reasonable about much of anything. Clarke is still unfamiliar in many ways. Her entire friendship has been fortuitous, unprecedented. It’s the first time in Lexa’s entire life that she has been irrevocably drawn towards such palpable uncertainty.

“This weather is perfect—I love it up here at this time of year,” Lincoln says.

Lexa breathes in deeply, anchoring herself to this moment and quieting the thoughts of her indeterminate future. “It’s great,” she smiles and continues in stride with Lincoln’s comforting shadow cast over her.

:::

The taproom is stunning: polished wood in every direction, exposed light bulbs hanging from an open ceiling, and thirty-foot glass doors stretching along an entire wall. In the warmer months, Lexa imagines the doors opening to a cluttered patio. In the early autumn temperatures, the patio is empty and half of the room inside is bathed in natural light while the other remains dim and cozy.

Lincoln heads straight for the bar counter. While a handful of other patrons have favored the couches near the windows, the bar sits empty.

“Hey guys.” A woman around their age approaches from behind the bar. She slides two menus in front of them as Lexa takes her seat beside Lincoln. “Here’s what we’re currently pouring on tap. Cans are listed at the bottom. You need a minute?”

“That’d be great. Thanks,” Lincoln answers.

The woman walks away with a smile that Lexa catches only as she looks up from her menu.

Lincoln drums his hands against the counter top. “Oh shit, I know what I’m getting.”

“That was quick,” Lexa says, returning her attention to the draft pours.

“Their gose is ridiculously good.”

“I think I’m going to do the farmhouse.”

“Did you two decide?” The bartender is already approaching as Lexa glances up from her menu. “Sorry—I wasn’t trying to hover, but it’s pretty dead in here today.”

“No worries.” Lexa offers a brief smile and watches the woman’s face transform, brightening as she stops directly in front of her and braces her arms against the edge of the counter.

“I’m gonna do the gose,” Lincoln says.

“And, I’ll do the Free Rise,” Lexa adds.

“That one is my favorite,” the bartender responds, grinning at Lexa as she retrieves their menus. “Be right back with those for you.”

“Thank you,” Lexa says while reaching for her phone that has buzzed twice from the front pocket of her jeans.

She’s fighting a grin at the messages she finds, simultaneously typing her response as Clarke continues her barrage of nonsense, and doesn’t catch the odd look Lincoln is giving her until she slides her phone onto the bar top.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shrugs, still looking too pleased for Lexa’s comfort. “So, what else are you up to this weekend? You wanna come check out the new poke bowl spot with me and O tomorrow?”

“I’m supposed to watch movies with Clarke tomorrow night—what time were you thinking of going?”

“No idea. I’ll let you know though. Or, you know, bring her with you. We can make it a foursome.”

His suggestion has her ridiculously flustered for what could be no more than an invitation to hang out with three of her friends. But, it’s Lincoln, and Lexa knows better than to underestimate his scheming.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ll, um, I’ll ask her,” Lexa answers, almost immediately distracted again by the vibration of her phone.

She’s still rolling her eyes at Clarke’s entirely ridiculous diatribe about the validity of poorly written screenplays of the early 90s when the woman behind the bar returns with their drinks.

“Here we go. Should I start a tab for you?”

“Um, sure,” Lincoln responds. He fishes out his debit card from his wallet and slides it across the bar counter.

“I really love your sweater, by the way.”

There’s a brief, weighted pause following the sound of the woman’s voice, and Lexa looks up from her phone when she realizes the compliment was meant for her.

“Oh. Thanks.” She flashes another momentary smile before reaching for her beer and sending off her scathing rebuke for Clarke’s lack of cinematic prowess.

The absolute ire that it will produce and the irritated messages that will follow almost make Lexa giggle in public. Pushing Clarke’s buttons has become an accidentally honed skill.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you not the same person who told me—not two weeks ago—that having beautiful women flirting with you typically grabs your attention?”

Lexa closes her phone instantly, replacing it to her jeans pocket where she hopes it will be safe from Lincoln’s insightful observations. Like getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she attempts to clear her face of any guilt as she looks over at Lincoln because Clarke had not been flirting with her in the first place. They have merely been discussing preferences in film through a medium of quick wit and lightly antagonistic banter.

“What are you talking about?”

Lincoln’s voice drops to an even lower volume as he leans towards her. “That bartender has been chatting you up since we walked in, and you seem to be on another planet right now.”

“She was not—”

“Oh-ho-ho,” Lincoln laughs. “Believe me. She definitely was.”

Lexa chances a quick glance down the length of the bar towards the woman polishing glassware. She looks up before Lexa can avert her gaze, and that same smile is back. Lexa’s stomach drops regretfully.

She hadn’t registered the blatant interest from their bartender nor her physical features, which are, objectionably, quite attractive.

Damn it, Lincoln.

“How is it?” the woman calls out, and Lexa raises her glass with a forced smile.

She takes a sip, pretending it isn’t her first, and can actually feel Lincoln fighting a smile to her left. “It’s great. Thanks.”

“Maybe having multiple beautiful woman flirting with you simultaneously is throwing you off,” Lincoln stage whispers, gleefully watching Lexa’s discomfort until she kicks his leg with the toe of her sneaker.

“I’m ignoring you now.”

“Oh good,” Lincoln laughs, “this should be a fun hang then.”

Lexa’s phone continues to alert her of Clarke’s persistence, or so she assumes by the rapidity at which it vibrates. Clarke never sends one, moderate length text when she could send 12 fragmented messages in quick succession. She reaches into her pocket to silence her notifications when Lincoln gently pokes a finger into her tricep.

“I’m just giving you a hard time. You know I don’t give a shit if you text Clarke while we hang out. She’s my buddy.”

“Why are you assuming I was texting with Clarke?” Lexa can hear the edge to her voice and reaches for a drink of her saison to lessen her defenses.

“Wild guess.”

Even Lexa is relatively powerless to Lincoln’s smirking charm and fights a smile of her own when their eyes meet.

“We’re debating movie selections for tomorrow,” she shares. “Her taste in film is generally abhorrent.”

“You two are always fighting about something.”

“Not intentionally. But, Clarke can be very … frustrating,” Lexa admits with a soft scowl into her beer. Lincoln laughs in response and she exhales. “We’re extremely different people.”

“Yeah, but differences are good. At least she keeps things interesting.”

Lexa barely manages not to choke on her beer, swallowing inelegantly. “That is one way to put it.”

“So, Costia is gone until Monday?”

Lexa tries not to let the abrupt change in conversation jar her. “Yeah.”

“Where’s the conference again?”

“D.C.” Lexa clears her throat, tracing a ring of condensation with her index finger against the bar. “Johns Hopkins.”

“How have things been? Any better?”

“Define better.”

Lincoln grimaces sympathetically at Lexa’s unmasked cynicism, and she exhales a cleansing breath. She’s determined not to make this yet another installment of airing her grievances of a stalled relationship, like so many times before. Lincoln is too kind and too selfless—she doesn’t want to take advantage of his friendship by making everything about herself all the time.

“Sorry,” she says softly. “I guess I don’t know how to determine if things are improving or not. But, we’re trying to be more realistic about our relationship at the very least. Talking a bit more. She’s been pursuing this research grant, which would mean almost a full year apart as she works abroad.”

“Damn.”

“I know. I took the news spectacularly well, as you might imagine.”

“Lost your shit a little bit?”

Lexa huffs a laugh and pulls on the sleeve of her sweater. “I think you accused me of being particularly homicidal that morning?”

Lincoln tips back in his stool with a laugh. “Ah, yes—I knew it.”

“Thank you for gloating at my expense,” Lexa responds drolly.

“Sorry.” Lincoln clears the laughter from his voice and attempts composure. “So, what’s the plan? Wait and see if her proposal is accepted?”

Lexa swallows down a mouthful of beer and runs a hand through her hair. “I think we have plenty to talk about even if she doesn’t get the grant, but yeah. We’re supposed to talk when she gets back.”

“That’s really good, Lex.” Lincoln’s gentle timbre is warm and reassuring, all prodding humor gone from his tone. “I mean, it’s tough, but avoidance is also generally unhelpful.”

“Yes, I’ve realized.” Lexa smiles over at him, feeling better already.

Lincoln then asks, “What about Clarke?” and her momentary sense of relief vanishes.  

She’s either gone extremely pale or is blushing fiercely because she feels both an icy chill and too hot all at once. She barely manages to respond without her voice shaking awkwardly. “What about Clarke?”

Lincoln is unfazed, lightly flicking his finger against her forehead as if they’re still thirteen and riding a noisy subway car. “She’s supposed to be your best friend, dummy. You should talk to her about this stuff.”

She’s never considered mentioning anything of significance about Costia to Clarke. It’s always seemed to Lexa, unsurprisingly, like a conflict of interest. Clarke will often inquire about Costia’s schooling, graciously concerned for her well-being within a demanding graduate program. In turn, Lexa offers her standard replies, never wanting to delve too far into their dynamic for fear it would reveal too much and ruin everything. Her life for the past several months has relied entirely on a delicate balance. Saying too much too soon could be perilous.    

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Hey guys, are we ready for another round?”

The unexpected sound of the bartender’s voice startles Lexa out of her thoughts, and she looks up to see that her beer is, in fact, empty.

“I’d like to try what he was drinking, actually,” Lexa tells her.

“You know what? I’m going to do the farmhouse,” Lincoln announces and slides their glasses closer to the woman standing in front of them.

She laughs easily while reaching for their empty glassware. It’s a nice laugh, ringing pleasantly in the quiet taproom. Even still, Lexa can’t help but register how much it pales in comparison to the addicting notes of Clarke’s distinctive laughter.

“Okay so two more of the same but in reverse,” the woman confirms. “Got it.”

As she leaves them, Lexa spins in her stool, determined to shift gears away from her indecisiveness. “Things with you and Octavia are going well?”

“Yeah,” Lincoln smiles. “Really great. She’s probably way too good for me, but I’m going to keep my mouth shut and hope she never figures it out.”

Lexa arches an eyebrow. “Do we need to sort through your abandonment trauma now? Because I thought we promised each other years ago that we would stop belittling our own self-worth.”

“No, no,” Lincoln laughs. “I’m good, I swear.” He shrugs a moment later and scratches his head. “Old habits.”

“There is no one too good for you, but if there were ever a perfect match out there, it’s Octavia.”  

The bartender returns with their drinks before Lincoln can respond, but he looks at her as if Lexa has just gifted him the cosmos and reaches out to squeeze her shoulder. Their next beer turns to idle chatter, old memories, sports, and shop talk. Lexa checks her messages while Lincoln is in the bathroom and finds that Clarke has not conceded any of her poorly formed arguments by even a fraction. The fiery retorts on her screen breed a smile so wide that she doesn’t manage to temper it by the time Lincoln returns.

If she were at liberty to be more honest, she would tell Clarke that it doesn’t matter what movies they watch. She’s just happy to be spending more time together. Instead, she slides her phone back into her pocket and stands beside her stool, stretching the stiff muscles of her back.

“You ready to go?”

Lexa smiles in response and nods.

They thank their bartender and exit the taproom into a setting sun. The foot traffic down Brookline Avenue is busier at the 5:00 hour as city workers rush towards their staggering commutes home. Lexa is lost in thought, still pondering her evening with Clarke the following day, when Lincoln abruptly pulls her down a side street with his hand wrapped around her elbow.

“Oh wait—this way.”

“Um, where the hell are we going?” Lexa asks when their course has been rerouted away from Lincoln’s car.

“I just decided I’m gonna take you for the best burger of your life. Storrow Drive is a parking lot right now anyway—it could take us hours to get home if we leave now. Let’s eat first and then drive back.”

In no rush to return to her empty apartment, Lexa shrugs easily. “Yeah, sure.” Being in Lincoln’s company is almost always preferable to anything else anyway.

After a moment’s pause, he nudges her with his elbow as they walk and is grinning stupidly when Lexa looks up at him. “If you really want to make Clarke mad, tell her we’re about to walk into Tasty Burger.”

Lexa has spent the better part of the year feeling unmoored by a lack of purpose. She has been draped in uncertainty and self-doubt after abandoning her life in New York. And while she still feels plagued by indecision, she’s also grateful for the choices she’s made that have brought her here, walking in stride with an old friend.  

She returns Lincoln’s smile and reaches for her phone.  

:::

#a beer bud series #a pleasant undoing #apu #brewkru! #clexa fic

[the-kaedageist]

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

Oops this has been sitting in my drafts for a few days...lol. Tagged by @mithrilwren and @ariadne-mouse! 😘

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I produced more in 2020 in terms of number-of-fic-wise than I did ever before (although NOT in terms of wordcount, haha). Let’s see what I’ve got here! 

Also, warning: I wrote a LOT of romantic fjorclay/cadwulf before the Caduceus-is-aro reveal and I’m not going to shy away from linking it here, so if that is something upsetting to you, please do any skipping this post/avoiding those links that you need to in order to be kind to yourself.

1. no man is an island (but we sure are on one): my absolute favorite fic I wrote this year after a YEAR fanfic-writing drought. This was written during the hiatus and it’s absolutely whimsical and delightful and everything I wanted from fjorclay at the place where it was left. I still love this fic dearly, and it makes me sad that nobody reads it anymore, although I completely understand why. It will always have a special place in my heart!

2. the people bowed and prayed (to the neon god they made): this fic was written in an absolute fever dream after the Lucien reveal, and I LOVE everything about it even though a lot of it has been retconned now. This was everything I wanted from a Lucien arc summarized in 5k words, and it delights me that despite it being absolute gen (with HINTS of widomauk) and being completely AU at this point, it still gets kudos here and there. I’m so glad people are still interested in my interpretation of what could have been. Canon has even delivered on a few of the things I hypothesized, although Lucien having Molly’s memories and just being a different person is not one of them. It was SO fun to write in this verse though.

3. fools give you reasons, wise men never try: ah, remember the Cadwulf three weeks when we all dove head first into this ridiculous pairing? This was my offering to those moments, and I had SO much fun exploring a romantic interlude between these two. One of the best things about this fic is although I didn’t disclaim that I’d headcanoned Cad as gray ace (and used this fic to explore my own relationship with romance a little bit), a commenter replied and said it was so familiar to their experiences being ace as well. What a compliment! Even though I know it’s disrespectful to continue to write alloromantic-ace Caduceus, I’m so thankful for the months I had to explore my own experiences through this amazing character.

4. Ersatz: this was Widomauk written for @ariadne-mouse and I had SO much fun with it. This was written before the Lucien reveal, and I really enjoyed exploring Molly’s feelings of disconnect from the present M9 and how he used unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with that. Something about this was just a really interesting premise to explore. (This entire list just makes it really obvious that I’m a big ol’ Taliesin Jaffe stan).

5. The fifth item hasn’t actually been posted anywhere yet because I’m still working on it! But I’m in the middle of writing a really cool Jester/Astrid fic (currently at ~3k as of the new year) and I’m really excited about it. However, I definitely need to flesh it out a bit more before posting. Stay tuned!

Everyone who I would have tagged has already been tagged by one of our mutuals I believe, so go wild, anyone who wants to do this!

#writing #fanfic #questionnaires #me #my fics #critical role #fjorclay #cadwulf #widomauk #lucien #jastrid #jestrid

[goose-books]

hello everyone! what if i came up with a fun name for my followers. as if i have a brand instead of 5-10 friends who sort of pay attention to what i’m doing here. goslings. hello goslings. wait i have an oc with the last name gosling. oh well whatever - it’s about time around here for a little status update, isn’t it?

darkling

as of this weekend, i’ve finished the first draft of darkling (trans nd specfic king lear retelling)! only seven acts and almost 200k words. sighs in overwriting.

maybe i’m still riding the high of finishing something, but i would venture to say that this first draft is better than i expected it to be. while i have a formidable list of things to edit, i doubt i’ll have to make major structural revisions… which means i’m hoping to work on said edits and open up beta reading this summer, if not sooner! (my heart says to try for spring break, but my brain says that would be terribly ambitious of me, especially after i’ve existed facedown in this book for a good three months.)

AMT

with darkling drafted, a modern tragedy, the podcast, once again becomes my first priority! (...also a shakespeare retelling. ah, well, we have a brand over here at goose-books dot gov.) more coming about this Soon. (like, within this week soon.)

the other ones

ah, the other ones. [gesturing vaguely at the WIPs piled like sleeping kittens in the corner]

look, i’ve… i’ve learned by now that i can’t really go into any new year stating that i’m going to draft X or Y. as much as i would like to… i do not control the random bursts of inspiration that pin me to my desk and make me write 200k words about my personal reinterpretation of king lear which i have only just read due to quarantine. (just an example. just off the top of my head.) i like to keep my writing goals loose; i like to allow new projects to come and go as they might!

that said, i do have tentative thoughts about my long-running WIPs. currently, TMR (high fantasy with faeries and trans kids) is sitting as a full draft from 2018 (wow). quark (magical nyc, monsters, adhd, prophecy, capitalism bad, etc) is sitting as half a draft from 2019, which i never ended up finishing (oops). and love h (butch4butchhamlet) has yet to be drafted at all.

depending on… what ends up Happening in my life in the next couple of months (this is a cryptic allusion to college application results, which affect my writing plans somewhat), i would like to pick one of these to draft this year! in the event that any of you [gestures at my mostly-nonexistent readership] have opinions / a favorite of those WIPs… [slaps the askbox invitingly]

valentine van velt (holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy) is, as always, my odd WIP out. (”i’m weird,” it says. “have you ever seen me without this stupid second person narration? that’s weird.”) i wrote a full draft of it last year and i don’t really intend to write another; for better or worse it’s a story quite embedded in a specific period in my life. that said, i am also terrified to post it publicly anywhere because of its painfully clear parallels to my real actual irl mental health journey. scream. i’ll also take opinions about this one, for the record [slaps the askbox again]

in other news, by hook or by crook* i will put that short story into the world within the next few months. i refuse to let that thing turn an entire year old rotting in its google doc.

*by acceptance to some kind of magazine/contest or by me just throwing it at this blog with confetti

in conclusion: plans! i heard of em. they’re vague, but i have them! i’m very excited to finally put some stuff into the world this year instead of just promising that i will! i hope you’re all doing well; my dms and askbox are always open! now if you will excuse me i am off to go put on hand cream.

#max.txt #we love a status update! #darkling tag #amt tag #tmr tag #quark tag #love h tag #vvvid tag

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

#spencer x ghost #jess writes #ishhhhh??????? #venturiantale #venturiantale pie #johnny ghost #spencer acachalla #johnny toast #jimmy casket #fred spooker #let me know if you enjoyed this or not it was intense #sr #ship review #ship reviews #vt ships #vt ship reviews #vt ship review #vt sr

[floralgothpersephone]

Countdown

Sooooo.... several.... um months ago, I was tagged by @jaygirl987  and this has just been sitting in my drafts... forever??? oops. Oh well, I am feeling in an over-sharing mood. So I am going to do it now. Felt confident in sharing, might delete later. Response is below the cut, because we are writing essays tonight. 

Rules: List 1 Insecurity, 2 Fears, 3 Turn-ons, 4 Life Goals, 5 Things I like, 6 Weaknesses, 7 Things I Love, 8 Tags  I am going to tag: @akai-vampire, @claudeng80, @bookloverfio, @bigprincess-energy, @peachdoxie, @ruleofexception, @infinitelystrangemachinex, @anais-mitchell

ONE Insecurity:

---People who meet me for the first time always say I am remarkable. But I don’t really agree with that at all, I still don’t understand where people get that from. I feel very desperately flawed and a moderately dysfunctional human doing my damned best with what I’ve got, and isn’t that just a normal state of being for everyone making their way in this life. And if people say I am remarkable, and it turns out to be true, then does that mean I am not normal??? How is everyone else living their life then? What am I doing wrong??? or right?? or differently??? How do I bottle up this whole remarkable thing and share it with everyone else?? Being called remarkable makes me fear for everyone else. Because if i am struggling this much, and people still seem to think I am amazing then does that mean everyone else who is struggling is failing in some reguard?  I have met so many other people in the world who are just as special as me, and if i am raised above that then what about all those other people? Aren’t they remarkable too? Kinda takes away the meaning of remarkable then, if everyone else is also remarkable. I don’t know. Every time I meet someone new and they call me remarkable it makes my skin crawl. What sort of face are they seeing me wear that makes it happen so often? I just try and be myself, and stay true to who I am in any given moment but then that makes their statement have more power? I hate it. Nothing makes me more insecure. I can go from full blown confidence down to nothing the moment someone says that about me. I know I am odd and don’t quite function right in society, and have a very different perspective on it because of my dysfunction, but that shouldn’t make me remarkable. There are too many other people in this world for me to be remarkable. 

TWO Fears:

---I may never get to see Amber Gray perform Persephone in Hadestown

---Cockroaches. Turns out I have an actual phobia of cockroaches. 

THREE “turn-ons”: 

---Silly Antics, like sheer outrageous, ridiculous things that make you laugh until you cry. Like, I fall in love a little bit with everyone who has ever made me laugh. So like, the more you make me the laugh the more I look at that and go, “mhm tasty”. Also, if we are not laughing at some point during sex then what even is the point??? 

--- Loyalty, Reliability and just being supportive and a good friend. Like, I am very much very very demisexual and while I can look at people and love their look and their aesthetics and be attracted to that, I need a very firm established relationship for like... years, before I am ever actually interested in letting them into my bed. I need some definite proof that they are in this for the long run before I can let my sexuality come into play.  

---Being crafty and creative. Seeing someone make a very nice craft gets me all worked up in ways I can’t quite describe. But every time a partner of mine starts a project and is making things I want to jump their  b o n e s. 

FOUR Life Goals:

---Get my ass to fucking Greece and like. Stay there. For months. And just travel??? And like, take my time, no rushing around to do every single thing. I want to go to these places and be there for so long that I can just sit and be. 

---B a b i e s. Dear lordy if you look at every major decision i have ever made in my life, it has all lead up to the fact that I want to have kids, and I want to have a family in a very specific supportive and stable way and I need to complete these things before i can have my kids. BUT BOY THE HORMONES ARE STRONG AND I WANT THEM NOW. 

---Can I put travel twice? Travel is so important to me. I have to see the world, I need to map it. I need to see all the different types of humans and cultures there are in the world and I need to experience what there is in this life before its all over. 

---I have this home I like to dream about, its constantly changing, but its small, while having enough space to breathe, covered in plants, an entire wall that is just a bookcase to store the entirety of Alex and I’s mug collection (we are looking at least 80 mugs between the two of us currently). A claw foot bathtub in a room full of windows that is just a glorified greenhouse really. comfy reading nooks and places for play, covered in nothing but soft blankets and cushioned seats. A cat or two lounging around among all the soft places in the sun light. Walls covered in cork boards so that I can pin up hundreds of pictures of the family I have built for myself. Little foot steps running around from kids playing, and having my partners home with me to cook and raise the little ones together in a family and a community. I just. I just want that little domestic haven of something calm and secure that I never got to have growing up in my life. 

FIVE Things I Like:

---Pottery!  (my craft of choice, I’ve been making pots for 17 years now and it never gets old) 

---Plants! (I live in a small jungle! I’m a plant witch! I love my plants! They are my only friends some days! But thats okay, I take care of them and in return they take care of me.) 

---Places! (I’m a map maker, I love learning about the identity of a location both on a map and within the human mind. How amazing that a collection of humans create an identity for a geographical space separate from other all the other geographical spaces. That’s wild! I want to learn what makes them all different forever!) 

---Purple! (My hair is purple, its been purple since I started grad school! I flirted with pink hair and orange hair last year to try on different types of variety and see how that fit but I am back to purple and I am back to my normal skin! My purple hair is the source of my internal confidence and a major point of my identity) 

---Music! (I am not sure I  would ever be able to navigate my own mental landscape without the aid of music guiding me through all my different emotions and feelings so that I could have a safe place to experience them without fear of repercussion) 

SIX Weaknesses:

---I over think everything (case and point, this post, whoops) 

---An open opportunity. Like, if I am given an opportunity suddenly that wasn’t previously available and wouldn’t be available in the future, I will move mountains to make it happen. If I see a window to be able to do something with a time limit I am jumpin as fast as I can to get through that window before it closes. I think its because I grew up with zero opportunities in my life when I was little so somewhere in my bones I believe that every opportunity I get is rare and special thing and if I don’t take it now then I won’t ever get another one. Sometimes its exhausting but I can’t honestly say there is a list of things that I could have done that I didn’t? I have very little regrets in that regard. 

---I am willing to see and recognized my flawed personality traits, but rarely ever actually do anything to fix them. I am a big of a believer in accepting yourself with all the flaws (part of the side effects of recovering from perfectionism) but that mentality has a different problem... in which you are so comfortable with the problems that you don’t have any desire to fix them? Yeah.  

---Um, I have a major weakness for brown eyed, brunette girls and have fallen waaaay too hard for too many of them in my life for it to not be a thing (that Alex teases me relentlessly about). Honestly the list is long, but good news. Fiona is on that list. <3

---Potential. I have a weakness for potential, sometimes that manifests in craft materials. (Oh I could make this into this other thing!) So I have quite the collection of crafting hoards. I rarely buy plants when they are big because I am far more interested in getting a small plant because of it its potential to grow into something. I love love love love working in clay because there is just SO MUCH potential for it to become really ANYTHING???? Its amazing!!! Like, if you imagine in there is a way to make it real. And I am obsessed with that feeling. 

--- I have a weakness for cream. I like half and half in my tea. I like whipped cream on my waffles. I like straight up cream on my strawberries. I like clotted cream on scones. I like creamy milkshakes. The creamiest of cheeses. If its a cream based sauce I’m in. Just. Cream. 

SEVEN Things I Love:

I just now realized that there is a difference in the lists for “like” and “love” LOL there is no difference to me. I have no moderation, I either love something with my whole heart or not at all. So lets wax some poetry on things I have already listed, because the things I like I also love. 

--- Okay, pottery, so like, Pottery is amazing??? Because you take dirt!!! like muddy gross squishy dirt!!!! and you mold it into something you like???? And then you FIRE IT!!! Like how metal is that???? You are creating something from DIRT. And on top of that, it lasts FOREVER. like, people hundreds of years from now are gonna be digging up our civilization and our computers are going to be dead, our papers and paintings: dead, our books? Hopefully not dead. But whats going to be left is our city foundations, our places, our trash and our shitty broken pots. And goddamn, I am obsessed with looking around our world and just IMAGINING what these people in the far off future are gonna think. And there isn’t a single piece of pottery that I make in which I am not thinking those exact thoughts and trying to imagine what that person in the future is going to be like when they find this.

--- And on that note, places are just so fricking cool. Because I grew up in a mono-culture where the majority of the population belonged to the same culture and the identity of the place was a direct reflection of the people. But other places have SO MUCH DIVERSITY and I am just amazed and inspired about how you can take SO MANY PEOPLE from SO MANY DIFFERENT CULTURES and pack them all into a city, and then that city becomes its own culture??? and has its own Identity??? Like, New Yorkers, those people come from fucking everywhere on the entire planet, and YET everyone knows there is a New York culture that is just agreed upon? And New York has an cohesive identity to how it functions, and how it works. Just. How amazing is that. And Minneapolis, jeez, bless Minneapolis. Because it has the midwestern identity but its developing one all on its own. And it doesn’t have a National presence yet, so in a lot of ways its just developing its identity for the world and its just so amazing to see all the different ways that people provide input on how they want their city to develop, and with each step it comes closer and closer to a face it wants to display to the world??? Its like, seeing a teenage, trying out who they want to be and developing them self to become a real adult. And goddamnit I want to see Minneapolis into a fully mature Nationally known city. I can’t wait. 

---So plants, are like. The best therapy. Because plants don’t really talk, well okay I think they do, BUT PHYSICALLY, they don’t talk. And so in order to figure out what they need to you have to listen to them in a very different way then humans are used to?? You have to observe, and check-in and interact and just learn about a plant so that you can care for it. And I think thats exactly how humans are too, except we have this obnoxious thing called talking that sometimes make it difficult to actually figure out what is going on down below. Its easy for someone to say they are fine when they really are not. But plants don’t get to say that they are fine. When they suffer they do so silently and while they may want to scream for more water they have to let you know in other ways, drooping, changing color, dropping all its leaves in protest. And thats the other thing about plants too, is that every type of plant asks for help differently? How amazing is that. You have to get to know the plant on an individual level, there is no “one way fits all” fix-it for plant care. You have to know your plant. You don’t have to know all the plants in the world, just the ones you take into your care. And thats just so symbolic for me. And when I am taking care of my plants, I am taking care of myself too. Water for the plants, water for the Becca. Sunlight for the plants, sunlight for the Becca. Extra boost of fertilizer for the plants, extra boost of vitamins for the Becca. And I love my plants, even with their imperfections and wild ways of growing. Sometimes they get a whole lotta attitude in how they grow, and it isn’t picture perfect, but that doesn’t matter. Cause thats my plant! And its growing and thriving and I am so happy that its doing well! It doesn’t need to be the prettiest plant that ever existed. It just needs to live. And damn thats all I need. 

---Purple is just an amazing color. Like everyone has heard the poetry talking about the richness and royalty and the history that the color purple has. But for me? Purple was a color I was immediately drawn to as a kid for no apparent reason but that I liked it. And I was not allowed, because the color purple was Barney colors and my parents were so very concerned that the other kids would torment me (spoilers, the kids found other reasons to torment me, and I was just denied being allowed to wear my favorite color). And then there was the instance of my grandmother, who, lets be honest, doesn’t win any “good grandparent” awards. And she LOATHS the color purple. Just thinks its really ugly. And took every chance to tell me that whenever I went shopping with her or if she wanted to get me a gift and was looking for input. So i went through all these stages when I was little, only being allowed to like pink, but then internalized misogyny said that was dumb so then I chose blue to be my favorite color while completely denying that what I wanted was purple. So yeah. By the time college came around and I was an “adult” (lol) I was just like. Fuck this shit no one can tell me what I am allowed to like and claimed purple for everything in my life. and I mean. e v e r y t h i n g. Backpack? Purple. Every piece of clothing I owned? Purple. Jackets? Purple. ipod? Purple. Does the object come in purple? Yes. Well then that is the correct answer. When I broke down and finally dyed my hair purple (like I have wanted to do since I was little, but again, I was not allowed and can you imagine being a non-mormon kid in the little valley with purple hair in high school??? Fuck I would have been the anti-christ of all sinners.) But in Minneapolis it seemed like it would be far more acceptable and wouldn’t result in immediate social disgrace. So I did it. I graduated my undergrad and dyed my hair purple because I could. And it changed my entire life. No more wall-flowering. No more hiding in the shadows praying no one notices that you don’t quite belong. No more pretending that you don’t exist so that people can walk all over you as they pass by. When you have a wildly different color hair, you have to own it. There is no “oh haha, whoops” about it. You made that decision, you put the color in your hair with that intention. And now its there to stay until you cut it all off. And that was the kick in the butt for me. That was the thing I need to own my own self and to lay claim to my voice. And for a while, it wasn’t easy. It was learning a whole new skillset. And there was definitely a major time span that was just “fake it until you make it”. But I kept faking it for the sake of my purple hair, because every time I looked into the mirror it made me so happy I could cry. I wasn’t looking a the mirror nitpicking my reflection any more. I was just joyful, because my hair was purple and I loved it. So every time someone made a comment whether it was good or bad, I would be dying on the inside from having the attention on me. But I would pull out the big ole grin of joy that I wasn’t really feeling and be like “Yeah isn’t it great! Its my favorite color!” And the good comments would be happy for me, and the bad comments would be thrown off by my enthusiasm and usually go away. And at one point that big joyful grin wasn’t just a farce, and now, 9 years later, working for the federal government and people try and make a jab at my hair, I can just laugh and tell them how much fun having colorful hair is. And that they should give it a try too. 

#Becca rambles #Becca rants #Becca does a tag game #and writes a full essay instead #But tonight we were feeling reflective #and usually I would just journal but eh I am isolated enough right now #thought i would share whats going on in my brain #will absolutely delete later