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villain-in-love · 1 year

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The multiverse self-insert (started out as a part of Black Butler universe):

Modificated beyond recognition grim reaper. Self-proclaimed Death herself.

Basic info

Age: Over 2000 years

Cause of death: Suicide, blood loss

Species: At this point even she herself doesn't know

Height: +/-180cm and taller

Occupation: Independent dimension traveller, "grim reaper for hire"

Love interest: She will eventually get to everyone from my f/o list, for better or worse

Abilities

Other than almost absolute immortality, Death demonstrates physical abilities far beyond mortals' level of capacity, like supernatural strength, speed, levitation, shape-shifting, teleportation and invisibility.

She has no need for rest or any kind of fuel.

Is capable of jumping between dimensions.

Possesses insanely high destructive potential. Naturally kills everything mortal just by standing next to it long enough and has difficulties controlling it.

Your local death and necromancy expert. She still works as a guide for the recently deceased because she genuinely likes the job. She's able to see souls and instantly tell who they are (although, maybe "tell" is not the right word here – Death might not be able to actually explain it to someone else. She just knows).

Perfected her fighting technique using death scythe, but is just as good in hand-to-hand combat.

Death is versed in few types of magic, but describing this aspect would take even more time and text.

Is capable of partial mind control and creating illusions.

Personality

First of all, she's long since ceased to be human, and it is useless to judge her by human standarts.

Death is friendly and smiles a lot. At the same time she's extremely self-confident, eccentric and uncontrollable. She thinks she has a right to do anything she wants and acts like she's almighty. Of course, not everything always goes her way, and Death might end up running through thousands of dimensions to escape the consequences of her actions.

Cruel and cynical, and might seem a bit frivolous.

Actually has rather apathetic attitude towards most things in life.

Death is the "Blood Knight" type of character, always looking for a good fight and she will not stop bothering her opponents with endless duels till she wins. She's obsessed with getting more powerful.

She doesn't have a personal life, so she always gets into someone else's. Death loves messing with people, has zero respect for anyone's boundaries and, to everyone's horror, falls in love easily.

She can hold her tongue, but she doesn't want to. Death loves making fun of everyone and everything, sometimes just because she's in a good mood, sometimes because she's bored and wants to provoke a reaction, and sometimes she wants it to hurt.

She knows a lot, but information in her head might get mixed up. And of course, chances are she won't remember correctly the thing that is most important.

Despite what some may say about her, Death does have some sort of moral code. It's just nearly impossible to decipher.

Appearance

Usually takes form of a tall young woman with long black hair, white eyes and deathly pale skin. Her hands are a bit too long, just like her fingers. Sometimes she wears glasses, but more as a fashion statement than bad eyesight. Got a mouthful of sharp needle-like teeth.

She dresses in formal clothing in dark tones, but dislikes too much layers. Most of the time wears elegant funeral suit with black oxford shoes, and you can also notice a silver chain of a pocket watch on her jacket. Sometimes also appears in a loose black cloak over a black chiton, barefoot. There’s a big clock pendant hanging on her chest, this time in antique gold. Link to the character maker: https://www.neka.cc/composer/11939

As I've already referenced before, she used to be human at some point, which leads us to Death's original identity:

Katarina is Undertaker's mysterious apprentice, who is definitely not from this country... nor this era.

Basic info

Age: Timeline from 19 to 24 years old

Species: Human

Height: 167cm

Current occupation: Mortician's apprentice

Love interest: ??? (I have a candidate, but I refuse to make him an official f/o until I figure out how to make this love affair make sense)

Abilities

None. But it is possible that she might possess the ability to travel between dimensions.

Personality

Cynical and melancholic as a person, but surprisingly chill about it.

Katarina seems to be spaced out and lost in her own thoughts good half of the time. She can be awkward as a result, forgetting things or not watching where she goes.

Still, she demonstrates enough intelligence and is a quick learner, becoming a good mortician despite lacking previous medical education or experience with dead bodies. She's passionate about death and is heavily involved with design for the burial sites.

Katarina is very curious – you can catch her experimenting with samples of human body parts (she would have preferred a living thing, of course, but that's not allowed). From the very start she stated that Undertaker's idea of resurrecting people in a way that matters is a lost cause, but proceeded to show interest in bizarre dolls and their mechanics nonetheless.

She won't stop making jokes, especially weird and ethically inappropriate ones, especially when a client looks too uptight and proper. Katarina is a little theatrical and enjoys shocking people, with everything in the funeral house becoming her show equipment.

Loves arguing and playing devil's advocate, even if she agrees with her opponent.

Appearance

A young woman of an average height and built, with dark brown hair and eyes of the same color. Pale with some small beauty marks on her skin. She often wears her hair in a braid, sometimes in an updo, but there’s always some strands of hair falling out of it.

Dresses in black most of the time, with splashes of other dark colors. For a mortician she seems to care a lot about her clothes. In the funeral house you can see her wearing an apron and knitted black shawl on her shoulders, but out in the city she dresses more elegantly, even though still in black and with rather macabre accessories. Because she currently lives in Victorian era she mostly wears skirts and dresses, but she also has a few suits in her wardrobe.

Picrew I used is currently unavailable.

P.S. Two separate profiles in one post because these two are technically the same person, but at the same time... Yeah, she did change a lot during those years.

P.P.S. Picrew picture is not the most accurate portrayal of the character and is just here to give the overall impression. Maybe one day I will draw everything properly myself.

#self insert #self ship #self shipping #s/i: The Death

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angelinpiink · 3 years

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midari ikishima headcannons ࿐ྂ。

❥ being midari’s fem s/o would include:

Midari is most definitely the type to cling to you, all hours of the day she’ll follow you throughout the school to your classes and any gambling matches you could potentially have later that day.

She also skips council meetings to spend more time with you though not often enough to anger the president. It’s kind of like having your own personal bodyguard at all times due to everyone at school being aware of how insane she is and most will probably steer clear of you whenever Midari is near. However, if Midari happened to catch anyone looking at you too long or in a way she deems as being odd, she’ll become very overprotective. “The hell are you looking at?”

Midari will do whatever it takes to make you happy, she wants to please you anyway she possibly can, anything you want she’ll get for you no matter how hard it is to obtain. She spoils you rotten and probably never tells you no because she simply can't.

Expect lots of headpats and PDA in general, she loves being in close contact with you so expect head pats. The two of you hold hands as you walk through the hallways of the academy and sometimes she’ll wrap an arm around you to let everyone know that you are hers. There is no doubt that she loves to show you off but if you are someone who isn't into having lots of physical contact she will keep her distance, never pushing the limit because if you were ever mad at her heart would shatter.

Everyone at school secretly questions why you are with her but very few people have the guts to mention it aloud and those people are your friends, of course though no matter how much they can't comprehend it, they still respect your decision to be with her and are happy for you.

Thankfully, You won't have to find yourself being jealous of Yumeko and this is only due to the fact that her obsession simply just transferred to you the moment you two started dating, though it's not as severe and she's definitely calmed down a bit due to not wanting to scare you off.

❥ nsfw (things get sexual from here, if you are not comfortable with this kind of content pls turn back)

Sex with Midari is very spontaneous, meaning that that two of you often have sex at random when Midari gets her urges she will do anything to satisfy them. You may even skip classes to do the deed, if your needs are bad enough though it takes a lot of convincing from Midari.

I imagine that Midari would be more on the dominant side, maybe perhaps she could be a switch who’s not against letting you have control every once in a while.

If it's okay with you she’ll use her gun to make things more interesting, Midari has most definitely touched herself while fantasizing about scaring you with her gun, pressing against your skin and watching you shiver mixed with the thrill of being in the school bathroom which gives the two of you the chance of being caught, it makes Midari hot and she has no problem letting you watch while she touches her self. The moment her fantasy becomes a reality she’ll absolutely loose it.

Midari is exceptionally good with her mouth, she loves eating you out listening to your precious whimpers and whines whilst she allows her tongue to flick at your swollen clit. Your fingers tangled in her hair giving it tugs, intense pleasure overwhelming you when you feel the cold metal of her piercing slide against your bundle of nerves. This never fails to make your legs shake like crazy.

Also, lets not forget how vocal Midari can be during sex, she curses like a sailor and has zero shame about it, she couldn't care less about who hears her or if the two of you are caught she just wants to make sure you know how good you’re making her feel and boy is she good at dirty talk.

You usually get fluttered by her words of encouragement. “Good girl.” she’ll say Licking at her lips sloppily as her head falls back with pleasure “That’s the spot”

In conclusion, sex with Midari will often be quick and sometimes sloppy due to her impatience but that doesn't take away from the quality of it. It’s always amazing regardless of the setting it takes place in and you are always left stunned.

checkout my masterlist

#midari ikishima #midari headcannons #midari x reader #midari x y/n #kakegurui x reader #kakegurui #kakegurui headcanons #kakegurui smut #kakegurui x you

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apparentlyaswarmofbees · 3 years

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I've been asking around this one question for a few people now, because I like hearing what people have to say about it...

So I wouldn't mind it if you shared a list on who's your favourite (from Most to Least) from the Obey Me! Crew (Brothers & Formally Undatables)...

Also, please feel free to ramble on about why you placed them in each space...

O-oh dear-

First off, you spoil an infodumper like me too much lol (I am happy sfjsjjdjn) and I am going to go overboard (and changing the order of things) for my own pleasure.

And so...

Second off...

Gladly

Here is My List of LEAST to MOST Favorite of The Obey Me Boys ^^

That I just did on spot because I didn't have one ready because it's hard for me to rate the characters as they all have their traits and even their flaws add something good to the character but I'll be dammed if I don't enjoy deep frying my brain for fun.

Please take note I am taking this literally and all characters in here are FAVORITES, just some will be more and some less, which mean I LIKE ALL OF THEM. Yes, I have changed my opinion on a certain two characters I have said to not like, and I am not ashamed to say I was incorrect.

So let's start this off with the right foot shall we?

#12 | Diavolo

He is still infuriating I won't deny that. And I won't pity him though he is a tragic character that is so lonely he overrates any kind of affection, that doesn't know how to interact with others without exagerating, that has no one to give an oposing opinion because of his status and so it's increasingly hard for him to learn to make good decisions, and with his goal to unite the realms I could almost say he is naive. He's a bit of a puppy always wanting some pets, but as a not dog person, I don't have enough in me to be always playing, so to me an overly needy puppy can end up getting annoying, though of course, I can't help it but at least give it a few pets before going my way.

#11 | Simeon

Yes in the end I actually liked him all along but was just in denial after I thought about it. Simeon is a good character, he's a dick even though he's an angel and he doesn't bother to be any different, he definetelly has his own set of rules he follows and I believe he would be a Chaotic Good just like me. He's well made. And as much as he is pretty unlikeable, the mystery, the questions, the fact that he has always been the same we just didn't get to interact with him much to see it, to have a naturally asshole character put down some of his walls to help us even if part out of possible self interest. And of course he's also fun. Simeon is charming, and I have come to appreciate all of him.

#10 | Luke

A kid. A brat and a tsundere. I Absolutely love the character development and it's extremelly adorable. He's now officially our guardian angel and I love that. He was just a prick that I rolled my eyes so hard whenever I encountered him in the game and now he's just a lil' bratty brother that is fun to tease and squish the cheeks off. He's a really nice kid in the end, just previously ignorant, but still nice because he was willing to learn and change despise saying he didn't want to. I personally can understand Luke as I was pretty alike as a kid. Again, he's a nice kid I would gladly buy some balloons and cotton candy for.

#9 | Barbatos

The number 1 buttler, he's just, a good dude l o l. He has his distance from everyone due to his position but that doesn't make him any less interesting. He is mysterious and powerful and yet he feels, so chill. He's also fun and actually has a pretty soft personality in which he knows exactly when to switch off to strict. He's a character I respect and wish existed in real life so I could be friends with (╥﹏╥).

#8 | Solomon

Shady sorcerer is actually a pretty good guy though mildly insane. He is actually responsable (and takes it pretty seriously seeing he's basically the representative of the human realm). He's kind though again, mildly insane, and diligent. He may have terrible food but the fact he does it with good intentions is pretty adorable, he just likes to follow his instincts and be spontaneous because he likes new and exciting things. He probably has quite a bit of angst to him due to his not only immortality in not aging but also by not being able to be killed but even so it feels that, contrary to how many human immortals end, he still hasn't lost the light in his eyes and can still enjoy things and enjoy being alive, and that is most likely thanks to other immortal/long living beings such as demons.

#7 | Lucifer

Yep. Lucifer is actually a really fucking great character, he's fond of his family, hard worker to the point of destroying himself, self punisher, elegant, pretty af, cute at times. But not exactly my most favorable cup of tea. Seeing I can see through his bullshit all his posessiveness, all his pettiness, all his actions just becomes ridiculous and annoying. And theres also a problem with the fact we always end up submiting to him, I don't want that. For every time he disrespects me I want him to kneel and kiss my feet. His pride collides with my own, and his decisions do too. But even so he is very reliable and so he has my respect for that, I do want to hug him and tell him he deserves nice things and that he can rest now this is not the war anymore you don't have to bow down to anyone anymore you didn't doom your brothers but freed them instead, but then again he makes bad decisions because he has zero braincells for emotional intelligence and that pisses me off and makes me just want to yeet him off a cliff. Yeah Lucifer, I would gladly kick you in the balls with ♡°.•love•.°♡.

#6 | Leviathan

Surprising is it not? But it's true, I often focus on Levi due to him not only being pretty alike to me but also because he's related to many things I have been familiar with since I was born: animes and games. His anxiousness is relatable, the outcastness is relatable, the awkwardness is relatable, the obsession is relatable, the references are relatable, the infodumping is relatable. He's very relatable to me, but not my most favorite, and all because of his envy. He's a guilt tripper, and though I am long immune to it in real life due to extreme exposure to it from my family, it still is enough for his rank to go down. I still love him though, but mostly as the character that represents the thing I am most familiar with in life: myself.

#5 | Beelzebub

Big puppy, he's the type of guy who will talk to plants. He has big and strong hands that could crush anything and yet he will do his best to handle some things gently. He's chill and non judgemental, loyal to the core. Once you win him over, you win him over, he would die for you. He is purposely childish at times and it's cute. He is amazing. I wish I could enjoy eating like he does. He's the only character I truly feel hurt for, as he is deeply inflicted by survivor's guilt and it just pains me I can't comfort him because he isn't real ಥ‿ಥ

#4 | Belphegor

Hoh boy. The brat. The fandom itself is pretty divided on their liking of Belphie and it's understandable lol. But I personally understand Belphie. To hide hurt behind anger, hate and spite, to turn to agression to prove a point but you end up just fucking up. But the guilt and wish to fix things can lead one to giving themselves up, and so it becomes a constant battle of getting close but not too close for the sake of both parties involved. I get this boy more than I wish I ever did, and that's why he's high on the ranking. And because he's cute ngl.

#3 | Satan

H o h b o y, another one that reminds me of myself, only it's the aftermath of the above where one bottles up all their negative feelings because being emotional is not being rational and who the fuck even wants to not be rational. Where you have no fucking idea who you are because all you know is to stomp your feet and scream for the sake of making an statement but that just proved all your enemies a point so now you turn to smarts to prove yourself. To make others angry, to make them frustrated and infuriated with your knowledge because you want to prove yourself, be reconized for who you are, to be someone and also, hopefully, change other people's ways, to make them understand they are wrong because you deep down actually want to get along with them. Yeah, Satan is high on the list, and it's also because he likes detectives uwu.

#2 | Asmodeus

What a fucking icon he is I love him okay. It frustrates me when people use cheating as a angst prompt for him as he's obviously someone who just isn't made for monogamy, and he's pretty honest and I feel he would have nothing to hide and would talk it all out with all his partners. He's a sweetheart that works hard on daily basis and hour after hour to mantain an image, he likes the attention, he wants to be loved. If anyone mildly self centered ever told me 'I love you as much as I love myself' I would marry them on spot. Asmo is just incredibly sweet and I love all his affection and respect him for all the work he does to make a good impression and look up to that self confidence even though most of it is actually just him trying to convince himself. Also perfect example off gender is an ilusion lol.

#1 | Mammon

Yep, our number 1, The Great Mammon, the most lovable dumbass that has been by our side from the start though with a bit of whining. This man is perfect. He has incredible self control over his powers, and as someone who used to be an angel to be able to use money all you want bro. I wouldn't feel bad either. He's our protector from start to end to the point he focuses on us instead of the queen in the Dame event. He isn't stupid just has selective focus just like me! And all the people with ADHD and many other neurodivergents. When he wants something he does is perfectly and diligently, he just needs the right push at the right time. He's the most good of all demons and even angels and he loves all his brothers deeply, he is always there to support everyone to the point of even allowing himself to be the punching bag for the sake of them not turning too much on one another. He was literally our first SSR card, our first call, our first pact, our first and the best. He IS great, truly.

#god I need to sleep #any typos are due to sleep deprivedness and I will be fixing later #obey me #obey me!#obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date?

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yan-twst · 4 years

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Do remember the ask"dorm leaders s/o scared of them physical hurting them"well can you do it again, but this time only to find out why they're scared of being physical being hurt by them. Like their caretakers/parents were physical abusive to s/o and and their ex-lover was also physical abusive to them. What would they do with this new found information.Would the dorm leaders go seeking revenge on their s/o caretakers/parents and their ex-lover.

a/n: this is a pretty sensitive topic, so i'm going to try my best to write on it: it is NEVER my intention to romanticize these darker themes, but if anyone feels offended or hurt by this particular post please do reaxh out to me and i won't hesitate to edit or take it down. due to the nature of this text i will put it under a read more.

warnings: topics such as domestic abuse, child abuse, and things of that nature are mentioned here, along with general yandere topics and themes. mentions of torture , too! please be careful while reading if anything could potentially cause bad memories or emotional responses in you!

riddle rosehearts

he comes from an abusive household, even though he wouldn't admit it (and probably doesn't realize it). while his mother never used much physical punishment, he is no stranger to getting yelled at and having all his comforts taken away for the smallest mistake

when he realizes his darling came from a similar background, he'd probably take a cold hard look at himself: is he... becoming like his mother? the thought is terrifying to him- he doesn't want to be like that, he doesn't want his darling to fear him like he did his mother

although the realization would lead to him being more lenient and less punishing, he is still a toxic lover. sure, he isn't yelling at his darling for breaking rule #163- but he is still guilt-trippy, still a perfectionist deep down. it's a small improvement, though

even though he would like nothing more than to destroy those who dared hurt his darling, he'd hesitate. he knows he'd lose it if someone were to hurt his mother, even after all she put him through; what if his darling feels the same way about the people who hurt them in the past...? he feels like he shouldn't ask such a crass question, so he'll limit himself to promising to protect his darling

in short, while he is enraged at those who hurt his darling in the past, he believes they're safe now: he would never let such harm befall them again... it's another excuse to why he keeps them locked up. but if his darling's past tormentors ever as much as tried to poke their heads back into their life, it's off with their heads- and perhaps lives, if riddle can so so.

leona kingscholar

he's immediately deeply angry when his darling admits part of their fear of him comes from their past experience. he cannot stand it- his darling should only be scared of him, respect him; the fact other people even dared try to get his darling to hurt in the past makes him red with rage.

he'll absolutely track down his darling's past tormentors. does he care if his darling is scared of him? no. does it piss him off that they're scared of him because of other people? god- it makes his blood sizzle. don't mistake his rage with him being a knight in shining armour for his beloved- although he wouldn't be opposed to his darling seeing it like that

he'll kill them in cold blood, with his bare hands. this isn't a job he can make someone else do: it has to be him. he may even make his darling watch as he tears their previous tormentors to shreds. it's horribly gruesome, and it'll certainly scar his darling, but he doesn't care. if they're going to fear him, then fear only him.

azul ashengrotto

he instantly softens up with his darling when they admit this. he may not have been abused in his past, but the scars of the bullying and teasing in his formative years still weigh down heavily on him

he'll comfort his darling as he wished someone had comforted him- but this is also a good way for him to become even clingier and more obsessive... sure, he isn't being harsh or mean, but his darling is still very much a prisoner to him

he'd absolutely try to get revenge on those who wronged his darling, but he might not kill them. instead, he'll torture them (with the twin's help, of course!) until they apologise in tears to his darling- beg for mercy to them, cry- before he takes them away to never be seen.

in reality, this probably doesn't help his darling's trauma in a bit, bur for him, it's cathartic. he feels like he's wiped a dark period of his darling's life clean- aren't they happy? aren't they grateful?

kalim al-asim

he gasps and immediately holds his darling into a hug when they admit how their past was. so that was why- why despite all his attempts and gifts, they remained scared...?

kalim cannot comprehend how anyone could ever hurt his darling. they're the most beautiful, kindest and gentlest soul on earth: who would dare think of bringing harm upon them?! the thought makes him seeth with anger

he'll swear that he won't ever allow such a thing to happen again. after all, he's already protecting them (by keeping them locked in, always making jamil check up on them); he'll just double his efforts. he'll have extensive background checks on every single servant who attends his beloved just to make sure they have ZERO history of violence

it isn't hard for such a rich man with connections everywhere to find the people who hurt his darling in the past. it's also not hard to pay for their deaths: every single one of them is quietly found dead after mysteriously going missing... he won't say what he did to his darling, simply reassuring them they're safe now

vil schoenheit

do people have no shame?! he's incredibly shaken and stirred when his darling finally admits the source of their fears. people are beasts- he knows this, and that's why he keeps his darling close at all times, but to think they'd already managed to hurt them before he even knew them...!

he has no problem sending his legions of fans against anyone who wronged his darling. after all, he's seamlessly introduced his beloved as part of his image: his fans adore his darling! he's presented them as a weak, meek and adorable doll, the source of his happiness. if he as much as mentioned someone had wronged them... the fury would be immediate and direct

although vil is guilty of tearing down his darling's self esteem whenever they do something he dislikes, he'll act as if he'd never done that. suddenly he brings up how lucky his darling is to have him, who will bring justice to them- he who will make those who wronged them regret being born, he who loves them so much to go through all of this

and if one day, those past tormentors quietly day due to a scentless, tasteless, untraceable poison...? well, isn't that just a wild coincidence!

idia shroud

he cannot believe such scum exists. even he- the lowest of the low, a disgusting freak who kidnapped his darling- wouldn't dare to hurt them for the sake of just causing pain!

he immediately regrets every single physical punishment he ever gave, although it's such a rare occasion and usually something even lesser than a slap. no wonder his darling was scared! he was just a monster, right? just was bad as the others, right?!

he'll feel the need to make it up to his darling, and he can't think of any other way than revenge. if he gets rid of those who hurt his darling, can his actions be forgiven? he prays they can

his darling's past tormentors better be ready for hell- what starts as merely hacking into their devices becomes a one-man lead spionage campaign, with blakmail slowly and surely driving them up a wall. idia will show no pity- he has to make them pay. he has to, so he may one day be forgiven...

malleus draconia

it's not just men's nature that makes them hurt each other, and he knows this, but even still he cannot help but want to curse all mankind when his darling finally tells him about their past experiences

he doesn't care about reasons or circumstances- all he knows is that those people hurt his darling. all dragons are protective of their treasure, and to think of others laying their filthy hands to strike his most beloved... he can feel fire burning in his mouth at the mere thought

he'll swear to never lay a hand on his beloved- but don't be fooled, this doesn't mean that the relationship will improve. physical punishments are replaced with the torture of isolation, of taking away all the comforts he's given his darling until they beg for him

and as for his darling's tormentors... to them, after malleus learns of their actions, death would be nothing short of a blessing. the draconian man wouldn't feel a shred of pity in torturing them, breaking their fragile human bodies time and tima again. he has no pity for anyone who hurts his beloved

#twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twst #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia

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razieltwelve · 3 years

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My Origin Story

I’m often asked about how I got into self-publishing. It’s something I’ve talked about in previous posts, but I want to talk about it again. It’s been years since I started, and I think time has given me something of a different perspective.

I’ve wanted to be a writer for a long time. However, I first began to take my writing more seriously in high school. I started posting my writing on the internet under various pseudonyms, and I gradually honed my skills. I won’t say I was good back then, but I steadily became less horrible. It still wasn’t something I showed to people I knew in my everyday life, not even to my family. My writing was, in my opinion, still too rough and raw to present to others, except via the anonymity of the internet.

Fast forward to university. I continued to improve my writing as best I could. In fact, I devoted most of my spare time to writing. It was at this point that I began to write fan fiction. Now, I can already tell what some of you are thinking, but writing fan fiction was honestly the best decision I could have made at the time. Fan communities are wonderful things. You don’t have to be the best writer to be welcomed, and you can get access to a far larger amount of critique and advice than you would get as some random lone writer on the internet.

My writing improved markedly during this time since I was now getting regular feedback. Now, obviously, it’s true that most fan fiction readers aren’t professional writers or critics. Sometimes, all you get is “I like the bit where people got stabbed”. Yet amongst all of the one word reviews, random hate messages, and simple but welcome words of encouragement, you do meet people who are genuinely interested in helping you improve. I’m talking about detailed reviews that can be pages long, covering everything from sentence construction to overarching plot critiques.

In my Honours year, I finished my first novel. Before you ask, it’s not something that I’ve published although I do intend to go back and fix it up one day. What mattered wasn’t how good it was. No. What mattered was that I actually finished a novel-length story. It was a bit of mess at times, but it was 100,000 words of original fiction. Sure, it wasn’t great, but it was mine. I actually printed it out and had it bound in a manner similar to my Honours thesis.

During my PhD years, I continued to write, and I began to submit my short stories to fiction magazines while sending out inquiry letters to agents and publishers about my longer stories. Over the four years of my PhD I wrote three novels and many short stories.

And this is where my origin story takes a bit of a dark turn.

Do you want to know how many short stories I got published?

Zero.

Do you want to know how much interest I got from publishers and agents about my longer stories?

Zero.

That’s right. I got absolutely zero interest from anyone about my original fiction.

That’s not a good feeling, let me tell you. It can be very disheartening. I might have thrown myself into fan fiction with a bit more enthusiasm then because at least there, in those communities, people liked what I wrote. Despite all the rejections from publishers and agents, I could at least say that in certain communities, my writing was well-loved and respected.

After bashing my head into the proverbial wall for a couple of years, I began to look into self-publishing. If my writing was genuinely good, then surely I’d be able to sell at least a few copies if I self-published. I wasn’t going to get ahead of myself and predict best-seller status or anything, but I had to be able to sell something, right?

I spent the next few months studying the market and learning how to make eBooks and design covers. Finally, I was ready. The very first book I self-published was The Last Huntress. That book was a labour of love. I pored over every sentence. I obsessed about the characters and the setting. I promoted it as best I could via the communities I was a part of, and then I sat back and waited for the magic to happen.

That last part, the bit about the magic? That was sarcasm.

There was no magic.

In that first month, I sold something like 17 copies.

All told, that translated to around $6.50 for me.

Staring at that result was not the happiest moment of my life. I did the mental arithmetic. Even if I increased my sales a hundred fold, it still wouldn’t be enough for me to make a living via writing. Heck, I could increase my sales three hundred fold and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Luckily, my years of unrelenting failure had somewhat numbed me to this latest failure. I decided to try again. The sequel and some other stories actually managed to do a little better, but that was hardly saying anything. It’s kind of like how if your leg has been cut off, you probably won’t feel the pain of a broken finger all that much.

After a full year of massive failure, my knee decided to explode because of course it did.

Cue surgery.

Cue misery.

Cue six weeks with my leg locked straight in a brace.

Sitting on my couch with my leg propped up beside me, I decided that I wanted to write something different. No more serious fantasy. No more high fantasy. My humorous fan fiction was what had first endeared me to readers, so maybe it was time to write something funny. Besides, it might take my mind off the fact that I had weeks of my leg in a brace to look forward to along with months of physiotherapy.

And don’t even me started on how awkward it was to have a bath or use the toilet.

I was throwing around ideas for what kind of story I could write when a scene came to mind: a necromancer being forced to beat his own wayward creation to death. All I really had was that one scene. It sounded pretty funny to me, so I started writing just to see where it would go.

Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf is what that idea became.

That book sold more copies in a month than all of my previous books combined had managed in a year. In fact, it managed to outdo all of my previous books combined several times over.

I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to see those numbers rolling in. It wasn’t a bestseller by any means, but it was the first time that I began to think that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t wasting my time, that maybe I could actually do this.

Things have changed a lot since then.

I’ve written more books, and although they’ve had varying degrees of success, they’ve all done so much better than I could ever have imagined during the doldrums of that first year. Humour, it seems, is what I’m best suited to, along with slice of life, and I’m more than happy to embrace that. I’ve even been lucky enough to have some of my books turned into audiobooks.

So there’s my origin story.

It’s easy, I think, to only remember the things that worked, but it’s important to remember the failures too. Writing isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if you’re aiming to make a living out of it. People can be cruel. You’re going to get reviews from people saying that you’re awful, that your story sucks, and that you should quit writing. But you’re also going to get reviews telling you that your story made someone’s day, that you made someone smile, that they can’t wait for the next book.

I wouldn’t be the writer I am today without those years of failure and disappointment. One of the most important qualities to have if you’re going to write humour is the ability to laugh at yourself and to make light of both the very strange and the very mundane. Moreover, a writer should be honest with themselves if they want to improve.

You can argue with reviewers. You can argue with critics. But you can’t argue with $6.50 worth of sales in a month.

I suppose that’s why I tend to be quite sympathetic to the underdog in my writing. I am one. I know what it’s like to put your heart into something and come up empty handed. I had that happen to me for years. I also know how important it is to celebrate the little wins and the small triumphs. Sometimes, they lead to bigger things, and sometimes, they’re all you have.

Well, that’s it. That’s my origin story.

It’s not exactly glorious. It’s filled with more than its fair share of failures. But it is my story. Mine. And that matters. Anyone who tells you that there isn’t some luck involved in the writing business is crazy. Luck is definitely a thing. But just being lucky isn’t enough. It takes years of hard work to become good enough to make the most of that luck, and it takes a certain level of idiocy/stubbornness to keep going despite everyone slamming doors in your face.

It’s a good thing, then, that I’m a lucky, stubborn idiot.

If you’re interested in my thoughts on writing and other topics, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon here or on Audible here. Also, just in case you missed it… The Sheep Dragon is out on Audible now! Get it here. It’s 26 and a half hours of fun, humour, and adventure!

#personal #musings #writing

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thefossilwhale · 3 years

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i filled out this super cool button character profile by @extraordinarymage for sabrina! thank you for making this, it was a lot of fun to fill out <3 the bulk of it is under a cut and oh boy is it long !!!

Short, Quick Reference

Name: Sabrina Wiseman

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: Kent

Main personality trait: Confidence

Secondary personality trait: Morbidity

Relationship with Nick: Full of love, haunted by unaddressed guilt and frustration. But mostly full of love.

Nickname for Nick: Saint Nick (used sparingly)

Resentful or accepting?: Slightly resentful

Main strategy (interpersonal, insightful, innovative?): Insightful

Ethical or expedient?: Expedient

GENERAL

Name: Sabrina Larkspur Wiseman

Nickname(s): Sab, used by anyone; Sabby, only Nick and Sally; and, of course, Button for Nick.

Birthday: I think I made her an October Libra for the purpose of a template I did months ago, but I’m not sure! No concrete birthday yet, I’m always very slow to nail down details like this.

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hair color + style: Blonde. A little past shoulder length, sometimes wavy. Usually a middle part. For Aeon, tied back in a bun.

Eye color: Blue, entirely because of the section of Frank O’Hara’s “Meditations in an Emergency” that goes, “My eyes are vague blue, like the sky...”

Height: 5′5

Piercings: Multiple in each ear, but a couple have started to close.

Tattoos: None yet! Sab likes the idea of a tattoo but is worried about finding the perfect design, whether she’d end up hating it, that the pain might be greater than she expects and she’ll look like a baby in front of her tattoo artist. I’d like to think she eventually consults Sally and/or Glitch to come up with an idea that she falls in love with, but I haven’t come up with what that would be!

Clothing style: Mostly solid colors, not a lot of patterns. Nothing super bright, but a fairly varied mix of pastels, neutrals, dark colors, black. Partial to denim skirts and sweater tops. Ankle boots. Likes a good turtleneck. She’s bolder when it comes to formal wear, and especially loves suits. Big fan of silk and satin.

Since she has a pretty accurate face claim, I’ll link some gifsets I’ve rb’d for appearance ref if you are so inclined.

STATS

I’m always adjusting minor things and swapping scenes around, but these are from my most recent Sab run! Most scores hover somewhere around these values.

Personality:

Confidence: 53%

Humor: 5%

Morbidity: 22%

Resentful: 57% | Accepting: 43%

Strategy:

Interpersonal: 12%

Insightful: 50%

Innovative: 10%

Ethical: 43% | Expedient: 57%

KEY DECISIONS:

What is Nick’s nickname and why?: Saint Nick, used very rarely. It’s a joking reference to the time she thought Santa was an evil Ment out to ruin Christmas, and a point about Nick overdoing it with the cheer. “Saint Nick” is usually code for “I know you mean well, but please mind your own business.” Otherwise, she just calls him Nick.

What is their favorite type of cookie (and its name and why?): Salted caramel chocolate chip! No special name.

What was their initial reaction to Sally hugging them, as kids?: She just froze. That could just be me projecting adult Sabrina onto her childhood self; I don’t imagine that she was as uncomfortable around strangers or quite as cautious back then. But that’s what I’ll stick with.

How did they ace the ASE test?: The in-game option she takes is “My entire life has revolved around strategic avoidance,” but the one about being just plain smart also sounds like her. If Sab has the chance to thoroughly (over)prepare for something, she will do it. Her mind blindness also has her constantly (over)analyzing situations. So, hard work and relentless anxiety!

Did they manage to win their first assignment? How?: Yes, by having Sally block the door. I’ve headcanoned some slight differences in how it plays out, which I wrote about in-depth here. To summarize, Sab thinks of blocking the door as a desperate last resort, not a clever loophole, and she pushes back against Rosy’s praise because she wishes she could have done it the “real” way. Rosy goes from being impressed to being annoyed that she’s willfully missing the point.

What was the primary emotion Button felt during the Aeon bombing (love, gratitude, etc?): Guilt. She feels very guilty about how much Nick has given up for her in general, but I think that in the moment, it’s on a smaller scale. The fact that Nick was on the phone with her when it happened, coming to her rescue like always, becomes emblematic of their whole relationship for her, and she really fixates on that.

Who drove them home from the hospital from and why?: Glitch. Sab responds to her initial text with “Are you sure?”, and is relieved when Glitch takes that as “Yes, please.” She doesn’t relish the idea of being around someone more connected to her family or Nick at that point.

How do they feel about Nick riding around in their mind?: Worried, at first. Just because it’s so unknown and absolutely insane. After seeing Doctor Amari, she’s excited! Sab is thrilled to be a Pollard Five and intends to take full advantage of it. I am not looking forward to seeing how she reacts when that’s taken away from her.

Why did Button agree to do the undercover mission?: To prove she still deserves to be an MIV. Sabrina feels stupid and reckless for putting herself, Nick, and Aeon in this position, but she knows she’s smart, and she hasn’t worked this hard for nothing. She wants to prove what she could do with a normal Pollard Score and make herself too valuable to give up even when she’s back to Zero.

Told Glitch about your mind blindness?: Depends on the playthrough. I’m constantly going back and forth on whether Sab meets Glitch for coffee or wanders the city with Nick in her second chapter 5 slot (after trying to track down Kent). If she does meet Glitch, though, she absolutely tells her; with how touchy Sab is about privacy, she couldn’t stomach not warning Glitch that Nick could hear everything they said.

Figured out K’s secret?: Nope. She finds enough of the clues to be given the “I knew it!” option in-game, but she didn’t actually put it together. Sab is too angry and embarrassed by learning that Kent is an AMO to find any reason to interrogate it. “The random guy I met before school just happens to be a jerk” is a perfectly sound explanation to her.

Found Noh’s clues?: Not at the metro station. Sometimes she sees the Vengeance brooms in chapter 5 (again, depending on the playthrough), but that’s it.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP:

Love Interest: Kent

Why them?: Sab feels an immediate kinship with Kent after learning about the NPO program. It’s kind of funny how quickly he moves from the least sympathetic position in her eyes (Ment who got past me and read my mind without my knowledge) to the most sympathetic (non-powered child of a prominent family aiming a league above where he “belongs”). A lot of new respect for his competence. Her fate is sealed when she realizes that his kindness at the hospital wasn’t him trying to make up for some wrongdoing, but just him being very sweet. (She had scoffed over “You needed help.” But now she’s like, “Oh. He meant that?! Fuck.”)

As they spend more time together, Sab realizes how weirdly similar they are in other ways, too. And she starts to feel safe/secure around him in a way that she’s extremely not used to. Growing up surrounded by Ments, Sab has a lot of issues about being too much, too difficult, needing to “be worthy” of love. So someone like Kent who is not a Ment, who has no “obligation” to care about her, and whose judgement she trusts implicitly? Being around him and being loved by him mean a lot, and I think will go a long way towards helping her reflect on her other relationships!

What are their first impressions of each other?: Okay, there are like 3 first impressions with Kent. First: he’s tall and handsome and secretly adorable, and they have similar career goals, so she’s drafting a five-month plan to woo him and get his number. Second: he’s a lying, self-obsessed loser who owes her many explanations. Third: oh no, the first impression was true! And he’s been continually, selflessly kind to her in spite of her overt hostility. Scratch the five-month plan, because the crush was only fun when it was entirely superficial; now she really, really likes him and that just sucks.

We know that Button makes a good impression on K by stopping for their dogs, but apart from that... I mean, the “we confused each other” from chapter 7 is very apt. Sab has lots of shifting personas, and Kent sees pretty much every one within 24 hours. The prevailing impression before everything gets cleared up is probably just that she cares a lot? About everything? Her stopping for the dogs, how seriously she takes the first assignment, the way she seems so deeply affected by something he said or did that morning. It’s a rare side of her to meet first because she usually pretends to be above everything.

What feature does your Button find most attractive in their RO (ex. appearance, personality, etc.)?: Probably his composure. And his... steadfastness? The way he seems unruffled by anything, his soothing presence. She really admires that about him and finds the calm contagious.

What do they do to spend time together?: Going on drives together! Kent driving while Sab plays songs she thinks he’ll like, talking or not talking. Cuddling on the couch while reading their own separate books. Museum dates. Walking the dogs together.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: I imagine that the first month or so of their relationship would be difficult, just because they’re both bad at expressing themselves and not used to relying on other people. Kent kind of negates a lot of Sab’s impulses to get defensive or hostile, so instead of arguments, I think there are more likely to be awkward periods where she’s just stewing in something without addressing it. Most of their fights would be, like, one of them becoming really distant for a concerning number of days until the other tries to awkwardly check in on them.

What does their future look like?: Uhh some random lore: I think eventually they do get married, despite neither of them caring that much about it. Sabrina would be excited to have something to plan, and she knows it would make the people around her happy. They have a long engagement; there’s never really an “official” proposal, just an acknowledgement that yeah, they’ll get married one day, and then eventually they get rings. The engagement is almost Sab’s favorite part, honestly. She likes planning and showing off her ring and calling Kent her fiancé, a lot of fanfare on her part for a wedding that ends up being very modest and chill.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in depth!)

Relationship with Nick: When I first started developing Sab, I thought that with as difficult/prickly as she can be, her relationship with Nick would be worse than it is. Never bad, but certainly strained, with more jealousy/resentment on her side. However, she rejected this. She is resentful, but never towards Nick—she internalizes the negative parts of their relationship so they manifest as guilt instead. And that’s the problem, not resentment. Sab thinks he’s overprotective, but that doesn’t make her angry; it just makes her sad. She wishes things were different and he didn’t feel so responsible for her, but she also doesn’t know how she could manage without him taking on so many of her burdens. So, guilt! So much love, but always looming guilt.

Having Nick in her head has helped. It’s added a new kind of guilt (“I’m a horrible person for being so giddy that people can’t hear my thoughts even though that requires my brother to be in a coma”), but getting inside Nick’s head for once and really feeling his love for her changes things. Makes her feel way more secure, I guess? It’s easier to see her brother as human person, a friend who loves her, rather than a perfect selfless paragon who sacrificed everything to raise her, which is an important shift.

There are also Things happening with self-presentation in the fact that they’re both models, and flirts, and pretend to be shallow. And the ways that they’ve responded to vastly different expectations. And selflessness versus selfishness. But I have no idea how to talk about that yet.

Relationship with Father: Strained and distant. Sabrina doesn’t necessarily blame him for leaving, but she hates how he’s handled it. She’s incredibly frustrated that John insists on keeping them in this miserable limbo of uncomfortable visits, even though moving away was (to her) a tacit acknowledgement that she and her parents are better off without each other. He’s trying to force a relationship that Sab thinks is ultimately harmful for everyone involved. For Nick’s sake, she’s willing to grin and bear the visits, but it never works because John can obviously tell it’s an act. He pushes her, she gets defensive, and so on to infinity.

Relationship with Mother: Like with John, Sab doesn’t resent Hope for the incident itself, or for leaving afterward. It was terrifying, and the idea of being around Hope makes her panic—but she thinks of that as just another irrational anxiety symptom, and she’s trying to work through it. What she does resent Hope for is letting it get to that point at all. Sab is incredibly bitter that Hope will suffer silently to the point of almost killing her (during the incident) and potentially herself (with the BRS), while Sab has no choice but to be completely open. Especially because they’re so similar in that way—she’s almost jealous. “Oh, so your silence is allowed to almost kill me and it’s ‘nobody’s fault’ but I can’t pretend to enjoy a single lunch with Dad without him calling me out for lying?”

And even though she doesn’t hold the incident itself against her, Sab is very hung up on “Why are you never quiet? Why are you always there?” She knows, on some level, that this was not a Personal Judgement against her. But because Hope keeps so much quiet, this is the only honest expression of her mother’s feelings that she can remember! It would take a lot for Sab to believe that Hope was really, genuinely interested in reconnecting with her, rather than just pretending to love her "enough” this time because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on Hope as a mother.

Relationship with Sally: Besties <3 Sally is the only member of the Wiseman inner circle that Sab doesn’t have complicated feelings about. They both have hidden morbid streaks that they bring out in each other, and can laugh about. They both have competitive streaks that work well together because they’re always on the same team. And their wants/needs from the relationship complement each other well, I think. Sally has always felt valued because she’s useful and not because she’s loved, while Sab has always felt smothered by love/care without feeling like she genuinely adds value to other people’s lives. So it means a lot to both of them that they’re able to help each other practically, while also genuinely loving and supporting each other outside of that.

Relationship with Gray: Full of trust and genuine care, but predicated on distance. Sab loves him a lot for being so careful not to cross any boundaries, physical or emotional, with her. She’s grateful that he’s there for Nick in a way that she doesn’t feel she can be. But "I like Gray because he doesn’t push me and is good to Nick” means that any hand he extend makes her defensive, because she’ll either view him as an emissary of Nick or start to panic because their normal routine is being disrupted (she doesn’t tell him about Hope in ch 3, for example).

They get along very well in a friend-of-a-friend sort of way, and bond over being cautious counterparts to Nick. Also, Sab never had a crush on Gray, but she is not immune to tall superhero and thinks it’s fun to fake flirt with him. (You know Isabela’s “You have pretty eyes” routine from DA2? Sab does that to Gray when conversations steer towards things she’d rather not talk about.)

Relationship with Glitch: I’m really excited about these two! They click from the start, and Sabrina feels immediately comfortable around Glitch, which makes her feel distinctly uncomfortable whenever she catches herself. Externally, they have pretty different personalities, but they’re both perceptive and... socially manipulative? aware of their self-presentation?... in ways that they both pick up on right away. So it’s a lot of conversational maneuvering and trying to figure out what the other’s game is, while also genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

Relationship with Kent/Kenna: I could go truly insane here. See the romance section above instead.

Relationship with Kim: Sab wants him to like her sooooo bad. He’s one of the only people to ever really get through to her, re: my headcanon conversation after the first assignment. Authority figures tend to treat her as special, whether that’s negatively because of her mind blindness or positively because she’s such an overachiever. She had no idea how to respond to that not being the case (and didn’t handle it well at first), but chapter 6 solidifies her respect for him.

It also turns Rosy’s opinion of Sab around; he was impressed by her in class but left his office thinking she was self-absorbed and naive. But the bombing is a reality check, and her response is very measured and practical in a way that surprises him.

Relationship with Lev: She doesn’t mind the comparisons to Nick or the “maybe one day they’ll fix you” comments as much as you might think. They aren’t her favorite, but she prefers that sort of thing to the inspirational platitudes belied by coddling that she got from her family growing up. Sab has fond memories of Lev and is grateful that he’s always been kind to her, but doesn’t have any particular feelings apart from that.

Relationship with Clarence: Holds a grudge against him for causing a scene, making her late, and generally being a jerk. But she can’t fault him for being right, after what happened! Mostly she just wants to avoid him, but she’ll be thrilled to lord her success over him if/when she proves herself.

Relationship with Dean Branham: Like Rosy, another authority figure that Sab desperately wants to impress. But without the personal investment she has in Rosy’s validation, more “Oh, this person is in charge, so I should make her like me!” Despite Nick’s and Rosy’s reservations, Sabrina doesn’t really have a problem with being “strongarmed” or manipulated into cooperating; for now, she figures Branham was just doing her job and respects her tactics.

Relationship/attitude towards Ments in general: Mostly just uncomfortable and wary around them. Sab doesn’t want her mind read, and she figures that no Ment wants to be forced to read it either. So she has a pretty strict “no Ments” rule for close personal relationships (excluding Nick, Sally, and Gray, of course. But only Nick really counts because he’s the only one who can hear her thoughts whenever she’s nearby). Not out of hatred or resentment, just because she knows it will be easier for everyone in the long run.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): Not many, but yes! Sab dated around a lot in the 2 years before Aeon (more like year and a half, because she completely shut it down once she was more focused on preparing for the MIV program), but there are 2 relationships that were formative/important for her. A high school sweetheart, and someone Sab met through modeling. She doesn’t keep up with her high school ex, but the model is her best friend outside of Sally and Nick, and they still keep in touch! I’m still developing them/the relationships, and I’ll probably post more about them someday. They’re fun!

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: Confusing and contradictory. She has two main modes that confuse people who meet both (e.g., Kent). She’s either cold, stuck-up, and sometimes hostile, OR she’s charming, frivolous, and sometimes flirty. Mode 1 is tense but stoic and inexpressive; mode 2 is seemingly relaxed but very posed and insincere. Mode 1 is for when she feels uncertain or has no agenda apart from “get to point B”; mode 2 is for when she’s more comfortable or trying to manipulate someone. Her actual personality is a bit closer to the second, but she doesn’t pretend not take things seriously or hide when she’s annoyed.

Strengths: Analytical, methodical, detail-oriented. Very driven and hardworking. May not always act like it, but does have social skills/charisma; a great liar, if you can’t read her mind. Unfailingly loyal and loving to her favorite people, so so so warm and affectionate and supportive if she really loves you. Very perceptive.

Weaknesses: Way too proud. Can be petty and vindictive. Self-absorbed (she doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s hard for her to see past herself sometimes). Stubborn, hates being wrong. And... emotional isn’t the word, but strong negative emotions can really cloud her judgement. It ties into her being proud, petty, and stubborn; if she’s really upset about something, she can cling to that emotion instead of re-evaluating it or moving forward.

Phobias: From this ask about the phobias that are planned to show up in-game, there are a few that I could see fitting Sab, but I want to wait to see how they’re implemented before I fully commit. Which is very metagame-y, I know (and I am very metagame-y about IF), but “fear of X” is so broad that it really does depend on when/how it manifests in the text.

That being said, agoraphobia is almost a lock; crowds do make Sab very anxious if she can’t keep track of everyone within a certain distance, and if she can’t leave when she starts feeling antsy. Claustrophobia is a maybe. The choice that triggers it (in chapter 4, about hating MRI machines) suits Sab, but I’m not sure if she hates MRI machines because she hates tight spaces, or if it’s more related to her general anxiety about hospitals, medical tests, etc. Which she definitely has!

What activities/club did they do in school?: She avoided anything group-oriented as far as possible. She took piano (maybe violin?) lessons and did recitals, but wasn’t in orchestra. The one exception was maybe National Honor Society or some equivalent, which she would have joined for her resume’s sake. And I think she would have tutored!

Where do they escape to when they need space?: A little used library corner, where she can people watch without being seen/heard.

How do they feel about/cope with their mind blindness?: Sab hates it but tries not to dwell on it. She knows that it’s no one’s fault, and she mainly just tries to... minimize it? Drown out her thoughts, limit her contact with Ments. And, least healthily, very rigidly managing herself. Because there’s so much of her that exists outside of herself, without her control, she tries to either filter or completely suppress everything else. Part of why she got into modeling, she can perform and be perfect and have total control over the final product of her body in the photographs for whatever campaign. Some Day This Will Be Better. But definitely not where she is in current canon.

How has your Button changed since the Incident with Hope?: Developed many new anxieties and disorders and syndromes :) She also became way more self-conscious, as in literally conscious of and way more tightly monitoring herself, what she’s thinking, what she’s expressing, how she’s sitting, etc. Less emotive face, more rigid posture.

If they weren’t an Aeon student, what would they be doing?: Sab would have beaten herself up forever if she “proved everyone right” by avoiding Unity/Ments entirely, so she’d want to stay in the family business somehow. She probably would have ended up doing scientific research on mental agility. Maybe even working for Mirrortech or some other biotech company, which I imagine would have been an interesting conversation to have with the family.

RANDOM FACTS:

Zodiac sign: Like I said, I assigned her Libra months ago for the sake of a template. But I don’t know enough about astrology to commit. Libra or Leo, probably.

Hobbies: Music, reading poetry, “cooking” (i.e., sitting on the counter and not helping while Nick makes dinner)

Likes: Watching other people (Nick) play video games, dressing up, taking long showers/baths, dark chocolate with caramel, back hugs

Dislikes: Being patronized, hot weather, going to the doctor, driving, doing anything she is not good at

Type of bedsheets: Bamboo.

Drink of choice: Cucumber mint lemonade! For hot drinks, some kind of caramel coffee. For alcohol, she refuses to get drunk because she’s terrified of having even less control of her mental broadcast, but at home/around people she trusts she’ll have a glass or two of wine. Doesn’t know enough to be picky, but doesn’t like it too sweet.

Favorite food: Probably some pasta dish Nick makes with asparagus and tomatoes and a lot of garlic.

Favorite color: Like a light turquoise!

Favorite music: Music to her was another mind-shielding tactic before anything else, so she tends to like upbeat-ish electronic/pop stuff. Catchy and repetitive, and/or with lots of personality to drown out her own thoughts. On the other end of the spectrum, she does have a soft spot for crackly, lo-fi, old or old-sounding slow songs—something about fuzzy recordings simulating a weak telepathic signal.

Favorite season: Hmm, spring and autumn are both good. She likes either side of winter.

Anything else you’d like to share: My heart and a long, fulfilling marriage, with anyone who reads all this 💍

#wow this is so long. insanity luv lit ral insanity #this was super helpful for articulating certain things about sab's character so it's already done its job #pls do not feel pressured to read Thousands of words about sabrina my beloved. but if you read all or even some of this <333 a kiss for you #why am i embarrassed to overshare about my own ocs on my own blog. i live here #oc: sabrina wiseman #also this was very much a stream of consciousness deal but i tried to go back and make it comprehensible. good luck all ye who enter here

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johannas-motivational-insults · 4 years

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I’ve seen a lot of people saying things along the lines of ”portal!Catra just wants to be with Adora and doesn’t resent her so obviously Catra is uwu soft baby who just wants to be loved and doesn’t actually want power” and implying that all Catra needs to find happiness and fulfillment is to give up the power-hungry charade and go be with her girlfriend. As an abuse survivor myself, I find this troubling on a number of levels, and I have a few things to say to this:

1) Portal!Catra is not real Catra.

Portal!Catra is something straight out of a really ooc high school au. She is very different from real Catra, and the contrast is meant to be shocking (much like the asshole au version of Buffy in BtVS 3x09 “The Wish”). It’s a reflection of how people are shaped by their circumstances, it’s not a character study of Catra’s actual wants and needs.

The Catra we saw in the portal, before she remembered her real history, was not dealing with the fallout of a lifetime of abuse. She did not know to be afraid of Shadow Weaver. In fact, she rolled her eyes and groaned when Shadow Weaver scolded her and Adora for goofing off and said she had high hopes for both of them. Real Catra would have killed to hear Shadow Weaver say she had high hopes for her, and here she was acting like it was an annoying lecture she heard all the time. The Catra of this “perfect world” has not spent her whole life being tortured and degraded and humiliated and told that she would never amount to anything.

So yeah, it makes sense that this version of Catra is happy for her friend who got promoted, in contrast to real Catra’s reaction. In this reality it’s good for the whole squad, and they all got the chance to prove themselves in Thaymor. In this reality it’s not a reminder that no matter what she does, she’ll never be as good as Adora, always be seen as useless and never get a chance to prove her worth. This Catra knows maybe she could become a Force Captain one day too. And if she didn’t, maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world; she hasn’t been told time and time again how incapable she is, so she doesn’t have her canon self’s all-encompassing urge to prove people wrong about her.

In the portal reality, Catra wasn’t blamed for Adora’s failings or treated like a nuisance - a sidekick at best, a liability at worst. She wasn’t pushed down so Adora could be lifted up, they were lifted up together. Of course this Catra doesn’t resent Adora the same way she does in canon or have the same obsession with proving herself.

2) “Just being with Adora” is what caused this problem in the first place.

Catra spent her childhood finding solace in Adora while battling a growing resentment towards her. We’ve all seen “Promise,” this fact is right there in canon. Just being with Adora was Catra’s strategy to try to stay happy throughout her childhood, but it wasn’t working.

Adora was the only good thing in Catra’s life, but this relationship brought her pain as well, and not just from Shadow Weaver. She felt like Adora didn’t respect her, didn’t believe in her. And it’s hard to blame her when you see some of Adora’s cocky posturing, like the “sure you did” and “riiiiight” comments. Adora’s just teasing and playfully asserting dominance (perhaps even trying to flirt a little), but to Catra it doesn’t feel playful, it feels malicious and disrespectful. The one person who makes her feel like she’s worth anything at all so casually dismissing her abilities is devastating.

Sacrificing her need for respect and validation to go be with Adora is not going to fix Catra’s problems. It is not progress, for Catra or Catradora. It’s regression into the unhealthy dynamic that caused much of the conflict between them in the first place.

3) There is no reclaiming this “ideal Catra.”

This may seem like a callous thing to say, but it doesn’t matter what Catra could have been under better circumstances. We are all shaped by our experiences, and no amount of love or therapy will undo what we have already gone through and how it shaped our psychology. All we can do is learn how best to live with who we are now. I’ve had to learn this the hard way, as someone with an acquired disability and a boatload of trauma. There is no ideal version of yourself to get back to, only future versions of yourself to work towards.

This is as true for Catra as it is for anyone irl. It’s not fair to say that Catra “at her core” just wants to be safe and loved and with Adora and therefore all her other needs borne of her abuse and neglect are meaningless. That’s extremely negligent, actually. That attitude minimizes Catra’s trauma, implies that she just needs to learn to get over it and then she won’t have these “impurities” in her personality anymore.

Catra has been abused, and she will always be hypersensitive to indicators of abuse. She’ll get triggered and riled up by seemingly innocuous things when it feels like someone is trying to dominate or subjugate her, take away her agency. She is always going to need to feel a certain sense of power and control just to feel safe and comfortable. In certain situations and around certain people she may feel safe enough to let that guard down and just relax and trust, but that’s a privilege, not a right. On that note...

4) Catra does not need to chase this ideal for anyone’s comfort.

Yes, Catra needs to change. She needs to stop pushing away everyone who loves her, she needs to curb her self-destructive impulses. She needs to take steps toward not just redemption, but healing. This will only be possible once people finally start to acknowledge her trauma, but that’s a whole other story.

However, Catra does not need to change the ways her abuse has shaped her. That’s impossible, and an unfair expectation. Healing from trauma is not the same as erasing it, and this is a very common misconception in the real world as well as in fandom. It’s also an extremely harmful misconception.

Now, this idea in particular is a popular theme in discussions of Catradora’s relationship dynamics, the implication being that Catra will only be happy/healed if she can get to the point where she not only can, but wants to yield control to Adora and that if she can’t/won’t then she doesn’t really trust her and their relationship is broken. The yikes level of this argument, especially in NSFW contexts (which is where you will often see it), is off the charts. It is not fair to expect an abuse survivor to put herself in uncomfortable and potentially triggering situations just to prove she trusts her partner or to demonstrate personal growth. Period.

Now, that’s not to say expressions of trust on Catra’s part wouldn’t be good for the relationship. Adora wants to take care of Catra as much as Catra wants to take care of her, and feeling like Catra trusts her (in those contexts or in others) would certainly stroke Adora’s ego. The problem lies in it being an expectation or us treating it like a milestone, something to celebrate. If Adora is a good partner she will work with Catra as she is and let her express trust in ways she feels comfortable with, rather than pressuring her to do things she’s not comfortable with to prove her feelings for Adora or illustrate her progress.

In short, erasing her history and ignoring her abuse is harmful.

Like I said, portal!Catra is not real Catra, and we can’t treat her like she is. It makes zero sense to ignore or villainize her perfectly legitimate need to feel powerful and in control over her own life just because someone who lived a totally different life didn’t have that same need to the same degree.

And I know I will get comments that canon Catra doesn’t really want power either, but I disagree. Catra doesn’t really want to rule the world, it’s true, but she wants to prove that she can. We’ve seen her enjoy being in a leadership position because she’s good at it and it reminds her of her own competence and worth. Just because she found no satisfaction in losing her soul to take over the world does not mean she finds no genuine fulfillment in being in a position of influence.

Even regardless of how much she enjoys it, Catra is still drawn to power because she has grown to associate it with positive outcomes like safety, agency, and self-actualization. Yes, power may not be Catra’s ultimate goal, but that doesn’t make it meaningless to her. And I really wish people would stop acting like a perfectly normal response to abuse is a character flaw that needs to be fixed.

It seems a lot of people are quick to forget Catradora’s real history as depicted in “Promise” because they like the “Remember” version of their relationship better. Because they like this version of Catra better. It’s understandable - who doesn’t want to see Catra happy, right? But like Adora so devastatingly told Catra (and all of us), it’s not real.

We need to stop pretending it’s real.

#spop #she-ra #she ra #meta #catra #child abuse #catradora #catra and shadow weaver #1x11 promise #3x05 remember #mine #i really went off here #idec #i've been trying to write this for months #and finally got the inspiration/clarity to finish #i hope it lives up to the hype #portal!catra is not real catra

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filmbefore · 3 years

Text

MEET THE JEON FAMILY !!

mr. and mrs. jeon are two of the most reputation - obsessed people in the state of maryland . neither of them were born into wealth of any kind , but yearned for the luxuries and renown that came with multiple zeros in your bank account . both parents tried a multitude of business ventures and failed many times over , more often leaving the family in even more debt than they started with . they both tried to instill these success and infamy driven values in their three children , seeing their kids as even more routes to their familial success . but when their kids were anything but perfect , it just drove a wedge in their relationship . long story short this whole family has been in their flop era since day one .

ARTHUR JEON : FATHER

arthur has always held the kids at an arms distance , never wanting them to get to close . this was only made easier by the older man constantly playing a balancing act between the multiple jobs he would hold at once . when he was younger , he tried his hand at all kinds of odd jobs here and there , saving up enough money to marry his long term girlfriend . however , when their first child was born , both he and mrs. jeon decided that they needed a more steady income for their growing family . so , mr jeon took out a loan and decided to open a restaurant ! and you guessed it ! it failed within the first year . and that was just the start of all the bankruptcy that would follow their family for the foreseeable future . but arthur jeon is a shifty lil guy who has always been able to pull on people’s heartstrings and make a quick buck here and there when necessary . of course , having violet , one of the most naive people on earth , as a daughter was really useful for arthur . he had always been able to make violet believe anything he told her , even as she got much older . which is exactly how he manipulated his daughter into being their connection to a drug ring , ship drugs out to grayson , and keep his affairs a secret . violet also learned how to victimize herself through this man ! like , any time she would catch him doing something less than respectable , arthur would pull that “ oh i am just the worst dad ever . i have never been good to you , vv . you deserve better ” which would then put her in the situation of comforting him ,, which is when he would be like “ violet , i know you care for our family . if you tell anyone , everything as you know it will change . you wouldn’t do that right ? ” and suddenly she’s blackmailing the woman he slept with to keep their family together smh Men ..

CLARE JEON : MOTHER

clare jeon is the final boss when it comes to perfectionism ! she has been the one who has always wanted to keep up appearances so that her kids and her family were never seen as ‘ being without ’ because it would reflect poorly on her and her skills as a mother . with one new credit card after the next and money that they should have been using to pay the bank back , clare would constantly buy her kids clothes with money that they didn’t have and drive the nicest car she could afford when driving the kids to school . her standards for her kids were unreasonably high and she was not afraid to let them know when they disappointed her by simply not being the perfect image she had in her head . and unfortunately , violet lived to try and reach her mother’s impossible standards , coming up short every time . after all , the girl had a chronic case of middle kid syndrome and was frequently the butt of her mother’s internalized misogyny . even when grayson was acting up , it seemed as though clare would prefer to deal with his screw ups than give violet the time of day for her newest swim trophy . maybe that was all in violet’s head , but it still left lasting effects on her self esteem .

GRAYSON JEON : OLDER BROTHER

( DRUGS TW ) these two were thick as thieves growing up . they were only a few years apart in age and the little girl idolized her older brother . grayson almost acted as a loving parent for violet and their younger brother , ben . with the way their parents treated all of them , grayson knew that his younger siblings needed someone to just be there for them and appreciate their accomplishments . even when grayson began getting older and getting into trouble , violet turned a blind eye to the situation , choosing instead to enjoy their time together before he would go away to college someday . however , once grayson began doing drugs more and more often , violet began to distance herself from him in order to make herself look better to their parents . she hoped that if she began to treat him like their parents did , that they would respect her for being so mature for her age ! that didn’t happen . and suddenly , grayson was leaving for an indefinitely long trip to europe . and that’s basically where their relationship went down the mf drain because then violet became her family’s liaison between the ,, shh ,, cartel and grayson away in europe , just causing his drug problems to get worse and worse instead of helping him like a sister should . all because her dad lied to her ,, again ,, and said that him staying out there is what was best for grayson and what was best for their family as a whole . but now grayson is in the elites and violet is Scared as fuck because she knows she absolutely fucked him over !! anyway !!!!!!!!

BENJAMIN “ BEN ” JEON : YOUNGER BROTHER

violet has pretty much always babied ben because he was has always been her little baby ! he has always been a lot more quiet and skittish than his older siblings . think : charlie from the perks of being a wallflower . he’s very emotional and more than a little awkward around other people . he also has that typical jeon kid mentality of wanting to impress his parents so fucking bad , but he hasn’t really grown out of it like grayson and violet have since moving out . he’s still a senior in high school and dealing with his parents’ shit every day . but now he’s alone with them , making it ten times worse . he tries to call violet almost every day , just to be able to talk to someone since he doesn’t really have friends at school . but most of the time , he can only call violet when he’s driving home from school now since their parents won’t talk to violet anymore and would probably be angry as fuck if they found out he was talking to her still . idk bro the boy just can’t wait to go to college and get out of his parents’ house . sweet , sweet kid . love u ben

GORDON “ GOOSE ” TELLER : HONORABLE MENTION

( DRUGS TW ) okay i couldn’t NOT mention goose in violet’s family task because this man truly is like family to her . bennie covered most of it in their family task for goose , but i just gotta dive in some more from lil vi’s perspective . violet and goose probably met when she was around 12-13 ish ??? because he and grayson met at boarding school . and because goose was always kinda ,,, uh ,, iffy about his home life , grayson would invite him to come spend the summer fucking around in annapolis with him . he was very much like My Older Brother’s Best Friend in violet’s life , in the way that he would kinda pick on her and bug her but really and truly goose just reminds violet so much of some of the best summers of her childhood . she just remembers giving our gemini king a lil late bday party sometime in the middle of june . violet would probably bake a goose a strawberry cake with sprinkles all over it and some odd number of candles stuck here and there . she also remembers riding in the back of her parents’ car with goose and grayson up front , playing some music that their parents would probably kill them for listening to so loudly with the windows down . she remembers her , grayson , goose , and ben sitting on the curb outside of 7-Eleven drinking their free slurpees . god literally just so many memories i could go on and on and on . but like bennie explained in their task , violet and goose obviously did not remain very close after grayson disappeared to europe . especially since violet could pretty much assume where her older brother’s drug habits originated . she has always kind of held some sort of contempt for goose because of that . even now . she will never tell him that , but she has always wondered if things would be different if goose and grayson had never met . she and goose still got close at yale though after realizing that they are the closest thing that either of them had to family when all this blackmailer shit started . idk i just love them a lot

#elitetasks002 #𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 / tasks .

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echodrops · 4 years

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*Slides in on a office chair* Now that you shared some of your HaaH headcanons for Shiro and Hunk, can you do Lance and Lotor?

Didn’t want to post these until I finally had some time to update them a bit and trim out spoilers, but I got a second last night, so here you are:

HaaH Lance and Lotor headcanons:

(Under the cut to save everyone’s dash)

First, a warning: Neither one of these characters’ backstories or plot event headcanons remotely line up with the show, one because I originally wrote most of this stuff around the time season 2-3 was being released and two, because I stopped watching Voltron after season 6 and have no intention of watching the rest of the show due to my dislike for the directions the writing took. I went back and updated some stuff, such as the names of some of Lance’s siblings, to more closely match what came later in the show… but for the rest… I’m just gonna do my own thing and pretend canon does not exist.

Lance:

- The literal definition of “rich as fuck.” When relaxations on economic policy were passed in Cuba that increased opportunities for private business, Lance’s grandfather made a solid deal for three massive sugar refineries. Today, artisanal coffee houses across the world utilize the sugar refined in Lance’s family’s factories.

- Grew up in a giant villa on the peninsula just outside the town of Varadero, on a sprawling property that included a long stretch of beachfront and individual bungalows for visiting family members and the family’s several live-in staff members.

- The whole family is incredibly down to earth despite this. Lance’s aunt and grandmother insist on having a hand in every family meal, Lance’s parents always make time to be involved in the children’s activities, and Lance was taught from a very young age never to take advantage of people, regardless of their position in the world.

- Lance is the baby of his immediate family by almost ten years. He was an accident that occurred after Lance’s mother believed she was too old to become pregnant. Of course his parents never treated Lance like an accident and loved him, but still, Lance has never been able to shake the idea that he wasn’t planned—and therefore he wasn’t wanted.

- He has four older siblings, two sisters and two brothers.

- All of Lance’s siblings are extremely successful in their careers. Lance’s oldest sibling, his sister Veronica, is a captain of the Cuban Navy and commands the impressive warship Audaz. Lance’s second oldest sibling, his brother Yuniel, is a decorated conservational ecologist working to protect Matanzas’ native forests. Lance’s third sibling, his brother, Marco, is a famous solo folk musician who made it big in Cuba. Rachel, Lance’s closest sibling, runs an immersion-based cultural heritage museum that preserves the rich and complicated history of Cuba and its people.

- In short—Lance grew up surrounded by the rampant success of his older siblings, watching as they excelled at everything they pursued—which just bred a greater and greater sense of insecurity in him, as he feared he would never be able to measure up.

- On Lance’s eighth birthday, in an attempt to cheer up his very depressed youngest son, Lance’s father dragged the family’s telescope down to the beach so that they could watch a space shuttle launching from the cape in Florida. At first Lance couldn’t work up the slightest interest, but when he finally saw the huge plume of the shuttle, arcing off into the unknown depths of space, he had a Moment™. Lance knew, right then and there, exactly what he was going to do with his life, something that none of his siblings had ever achieved: he was going to go into space and explore worlds unknown.

- Lance decided that he had, absolutely HAD, to go to Galaxy Garrison when he grew up. This part worried his parents, who pointed out that Garrison was not only in another country but also a solely English-speaking school and extremely competitive. Nonetheless, Lance was determined that he would not settle for anything less than the absolute best.

- Was totally that space obsessed kid. Still thinks Black Holes are the coolest thing in the universe. His parents bought so much “Astronaut” ice cream that they probably kept that entire industry afloat.

- Lance attended Garrison’s summer Astrocamp in Arizona when he was nine. Quickly made friends with his cabin-mate, Hyrum Tava. The nickname “Hunk” came about from a slip-up when Lance tried to compare his new friend to one of his favorite American cartoon characters, the Incredible Hulk.

- Even after leaving the Astrocamp, Lance and Hunk stayed close friends, exchanging frequent emails and phone calls, which helped Lance stay on top of memes popular trends back in the states.

- Shiro was Lance’s cabin leader at the Astrocamp, and his kindness and exciting stories about actually visiting space(!!) made a huge impression on Lance. Lance… may or may not have had a celebrity shrine to Shiro made of photos and news clippings taped to his wall for several years. Whatever, every kid does it and he took it down eventually, gosh!

- Identifies as bisexual, but has never successfully dated anyone, male or female. Due to several bad experiences and close calls, Lance doesn’t talk about his sexuality or express any attraction to men except around people he is extremely comfortable with. Hunk has known for years, of course. (In fact, it was Lance’s struggle with his feelings that helped Hunk develop strong sympathy for LGBT people, despite the fact that his religion is very against it.)

- Never had a real kiss. Might be just a tiny bit desperate to have a real first kiss.

- Also might buy a bit too much into the idea of needing to be stereotypically attractive to fit in. Although his nightly beauty regime is now a comforting routine, it originally stemmed from Lance being extremely self-conscious about his looks. He’s more comfortable about his body than he used to be, but he still frequently compares himself negatively against others; do you know what kind of hell it is to have to share a locker room with people like Shiro?

- Cries at the drop of a hat. Sad book? Sad movie? Abandoned kitten? Dropped something on his toe? Tears times ten thousand. Lance was never pressured by his family to “man up;” in fact, he was always encouraged to empathize, so Lance is extremely sensitive to others’ feelings. (He and Hunk are a great fit in this regard.) He can perceive even minute changes in people’s emotions and is always ready to cheer up people who are down.

- He can’t read Keith for crap though. Not really his fault. Keith’s a literal alien.

- Lance’s extreme empathy actually backfires on him. Because being sensitive to others is second nature to him, it’s often hard for Lance to remember that not everyone is as perceptive as he is. Lance has, many times, mistaken the other paladins’ obliviousness for indifference. Everyone on the ship cares deeply about Lance and would never want him to feel bad about himself—but not everyone on the ship is perceptive enough to notice when Lance’s insecurities are affecting him.

- Wasn’t put in the cargo pilot classes at Garrison because of his flight test scores—most green cadets have zero flight experience and all do pretty badly at first. Lance was placed in cargo class because he scored too high on a combat sensitivity test, indicating that he was a poor fit mentally for becoming a soldier. Fighting monstrous looking aliens is one thing, but Lance would have coped very, very badly if he’d ever been required to kill another human being.

- Struggled to fit in at Garrison. After the crushing disappointment of ending up in cargo class, Lance also dealt with a lot of people treating him like an outsider because he was an international student. “Why is someone from Cuba trying to join the U.S. military? Are you a spy?”

- Couple that with the complicated student visa process and how his status as an international student might affect his ability to take part in Garrison-sanctioned internships and cross-border activities, and Lance felt utterly alienated at Garrison in his first few months.

- May… or may not have done exactly what his parents taught him not to do by looking for a scapegoat to take out his frustrations on. Keith, the lone wolf, ace pilot pretty boy who was too cool to even talk to the rest of the cadets (really thought he was too good to even make eye contact with Lance, huh?!) was an obvious target. Keith had every single thing that Lance had ever wanted in his whole life—the combat class, the talent, the prestige, the respect, the effortless looks—and he didn’t even seem happy to have it!

- Lance had never hated anyone before in his entire life, but Lance hated Keith—Keith basically came to stand in for every obstacle in Lance’s way, every mocking insult thrown Lance’s way, every harsh reminder from the professors that he’d never even be close to good enough, never measure up when someone like that existed… Lance started to honestly believe that the only way he’d ever be able to achieve his entire life goal was if Keith was taken out of the picture—something that proved unfortunately true when Lance was bumped up to combat class the moment Keith went missing from Garrison.

- Lance never actually said any of this stuff to Keith’s face before Keith left Garrison (Lance dreaded his parents finding out he’d been rude), but he would shit-talk Keith to anyone who would listen, a bad habit that was reinforced by people actually accepting Lance more when he started gossiping and spreading rumors than when he’d just tried to be genuinely nice.

- Even though he’d like to repair his relationship with Keith now that they’re teammates, Lance has no idea how to do that after so much time has passed. He really has no clue how to treat Keith normally after building him up into such a bitter rival. It’s… a work in progress.

- A big fan of RPG games and roleplaying. Definitely gets the most in-character when it comes to Monsters and Mana. His favorite thing about meeting new cultures is discovering nifty space items that look like key items from video games. Used to play old school RPGs with his cousins every afternoon. Playing with Pidge is extremely nostalgic for him.

- Has a host of other hobbies that don’t get much use inspace but are nevertheless impressive: he can surf, dive, and was part of a traditional dance group all the up until he left for Garrison. He doesn’t tend to think much of his hobbies as they’re not exactly practical skills you need every day in a space war, but the other members of Team Voltron are quietly impressed whenever they’re reminded of the cool things Lance can do.

- Lance has the strongest bond with his lion of any of the paladins. His connection with Blue is so innate that he can actually activate Blue’s abilities from outside his lion.

- The first one of the paladins to transform his bayard and the only one whose bayard can take three forms. And no, none of the three is a sword because what was the point of that, even??? Lance can wield his standard blaster, a long rifle, and dual pistols. The strength of theshots from Lance’s bayard can be consciously controlled—his thoughts and intentions determine whether a shot has the strength to kill or merely stun.

- Lance’s incredible aim isn’t a natural talent. Actually he’s spent hours and hours in a shooting range he found in the castle, working on perfecting his shot. Just like the gladiator levels on the training deck, the targets in the range keep getting harder and harder, but Lance is progressing very well. No one but Coran knows that Lance has been training so hard with his bayard, since Lance desperately wants to pretend his skill is all natural and has sworn Coran to secrecy. Coran covers for him by pretending he’s sent Lance off on absurd cleaning missions all the time.

- Is 1000% Coran’s favorite of the paladins. Coran won’t even try to lie if asked. Although Coran has never expressed it out loud, he sees Lance as an example of the brave, kind-hearted son he would have hoped to raise—if his son had survived the war. (On Lance’s part, although he’s also never shared this, Coran reminds him very much of his beloved uncle, who passed away when Lance was very young, but whom he still remembers well and extremely fondly.)

- After his uncle passed away, Lance’s aunt moved in with Lance’s parents permanently, and Lance essentially helped to raise his two very young cousins, Nadia and Silvio. Lance does have very good experience with children—unfortunately for him, what human children respond well to doesn’t always work for Galra kids!

Lotor:

- Has not spent 10,000 years kicking about the universe. We’re not doing that weird “If he’s immortal because of the rift creatures then how come his governess is still alive?” plot hole song and dance routine from the actual show. Lotor was born after the war decimated the Alteans 10,000 years ago, but due to Haggar’s condition (aka being, you know, dead), he was essentially unable to live on his own and was placed in cryostasis very shortly after being born.

- Roughly 20 years before the discovery of the Blue Lion on Earth, Haggar used advancements in quintessence manipulation technology to successfully revive the infant Lotor. But she didn’t wake him for no reason—she has a very specific intention for her son, a long endgame plan, of which Lotor and even Zarkon are currently unaware.

- We’re also not doing that dumb “How could Haggar—the only remotely Altean-looking being in all of Zarkon’s presence—possibly be my mother?” plot from the show either. Lotor is aware that Haggar is his mother, although he has never been able to infiltrate her research facilities and therefore has no idea how an Altean scientist ended up where she did, looking like she did, and siding with the Galra against her own people.

- Because his parents’ past and his own origins are such a mystery, Lotor is obsessed with learning the truth of the war, the Alteans, and every hidden secret from that time period, including Voltron and the mysterious “rift.” He devours any information he can get on this period of history, and especially on Alteans, voraciously.

- But even though he’ll take any pieces of information he can get, Lotor’s real favorite obsession is mythology. He’s a deep lover of folklore and fairytales, bestiaries and local legends, and more than one assassin has traded a good story in exchange for having his life spared. Lotor may or may not hunt for space cryptids in his spare time. However, no single legend occupies Lotor’s mind as much as the legend of the mythical realm of Oriande, home of the ancient Altean alchemists. As practical as he tries to appear, Lotor has never given up his deep-down childish wish to be the one who finds the promised land of Oriande and prove it is real. But when he thinks back… Where was it that he first heard about Oriande, again? Who told him…?

- That entire thing with the hidden Altean colonies is just… not going to happen. The writers were bad and they should feel bad. Although Lotor has looked, after 10,000 years and plenty of centuries of hiding any Altean connections, distinguishing those who still have Altean blood has become essentially impossible.

- Part of the reason Lotor has looked for Alteans is that he was born with a bizarre grab-bag of Altean instincts and abilities and no guidance on how to deal with them, because he’s certainly not going to reveal to Haggar that he has unexplained talents like precognition and the ability to speak to planets. Growing up with half of his bloodline extinct has been ROUGH on Lotor.

- Speaking of growing up… Even though he remains the crown prince on official record, Lotor took the first opportunity he could to leave his parents’ sphere of influence, and he has not physically been back to Galra Central Command in more than ten years.

- Lotor is effectively a universal wanderer. Aboard his personal ship the Urbanus (a Destroyer-class star cruiser which has been heavily modified and improved by Lotor himself), Lotor and his generals travel wherever they like, both within the Galra Empire and outside it, dodging Haggar’s frequent attempts to re-exert control over Lotor and even more frequent assassination and kidnapping attempts from Zarkon’s enemies.

- Although Lotor has a very specific goal in mind, progress on this goal has been slow and painstaking, and he’s often left waiting for the next bare bones clue to chase after; this has resulted in the young prince having an unfortunate abundance of free time, which is dangerous for everyone involved. In between progress on his mysterious life’s goal, Lotor and his generals frequently get into trouble with small planets, local governments, militaries both official and off-the-books, giant monsters, and at least two hundred museum curators. They may or may not be wanted for grave-robbing in 13 different star systems.

- Basically he’s space Indiana Jones, if Indiana Jones was still 20 and also purple and also not being paid enough to be a good guy.

- All that said, as much of a devil-may-care rogue as he’d like to be seen, Lotor did spend all of his childhood under the thumb of the empire’s brutal authoritarian dictators, and he is therefore every inch a crown prince; as befitting one of his stature, he speaks eight languages fluently, flawlessly matches his formal dress to the occasion, knows exactly which piece of silverware to use when, can engage in political battles of wits and diplomatic machinations with the best of them, and has been training in armed combat since he was three years old. Lotor’s impeccable manners and steely leadership ability were literally beaten into him, to the point that now, even among trusted allies, he sometimes finds it difficult to turn off his cold, calculated princely persona.

- Not that his generals really let him get away with that kind of thing for long. Only those who have lived with multiple older sisters can truly understand the constant state of teasing and mortifying blackmail that Lotor lives in. On official record, Lotor’s generals are a crack team of terrifying bodyguards; in practice, they’re more likely to be dragging Lotor for all he’s worth than rescuing him. They might keep up formal appearances in front of others, but they’re effectively a close-knit family behind the scenes.

- It’s not a coincidence that all of Lotor’s generals are women; besides generally being awful, most Galra men make Lotor uncomfortable. From a human standpoint, Lotor is ridiculously tall and powerful; but from a Galra standpoint, Lotor is a thin, unhealthy-looking thing whose stature doesn’t command authority or respect in the slightest. It’s exhausting feeling like you have to constantly prove yourself, so Lotor prefers to spend time with a group that doesn’t invite negative comparison.

- However, it should be noted that a Galra man having only female friends has completely different connotations than a human man having only female friends—Galra women are, on the whole, considered more aggressive, bloodthirsty, and over-bearing than Galra men, so any Galra man who would choose to surround himself with that many women must either be out of his mind or incredibly badass.

- When asked what it’s like to live with four beautiful women, Lotor is basically ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ personified. Despite living together for years, none of the generals are romantically interested in Lotor and he’s not romantically interested in any of them.

- Many people have incorrectly assumed that Lotor and Axca are a pair, but Lotor helped Axca escape from a slave colony and she will never let another man touch her in her life. Axca is extremely grateful and loyal to Lotor, but given that Axca was Lotor’s first real friend, he’s just as grateful to her.

- If you think I’m killing off Narti, you’re out of your mind.

- Despite the fact that Lotor does not feel connected to the Galra Empire or the Galra as a whole, he’s somewhat more traditional and more likely to conform to Galra social standards than he wants to admit (even to himself). He insists that he has no interest in upholding the classic values of the Galra or meeting their expectations for how a prince should behave—but in truth, it’s impossible to fully kill that deep-down desire to just fit in. When push comes to shove, Lotor always finds himself falling in line with the Galra’s oldest and most deeply ingrained beliefs.

- With Lance in the “has never had a real kiss” club. Is not with Lance in the “wants a real kiss” club. Lotor is actually uncomfortable with being touched by strangers (36 assassination attempts will do that to you) and doesn’t make real friends, let alone anything closer, remotely easily. Some people are open books; Lotor is that one book from Harry Potter that bites people’s fingers off when they try to open it. Once you’re in his inner-circle, he’ll let you hang all over him, but before that, the space bubble is ten feet in every direction.

- Doesn’t actually put any special effort into his appearance. He just Looks Like That™.

- In fact, he actually kind of hates that stupid cowlick hair that’s always in his face but no matter how many times he cuts it off or slicks it back, it just keeps falling right back in his eyes. He’s basically given up at this point.

- His sword’s name is Eris and it was actually forged in the heart of a dying star.

- Kova the space cat hates Lotor. Lotor hates Kova. It’s a mutually antagonistic relationship. Somehow though, Lotor never makes any effort to get rid of Kova and Kova never takes the opportunity to leave. No one else understands it either, especially since Lotor gets along great with basically every other animal he meets.

- He’s not a pacifist by any means, but he is painfully practical and knows that, on occasion, sparing the life of one’s enemy nets more gain than indiscriminately crushing opponents beneath his heel. More manipulative than outright aggressive, he’s easily capable of twisting even the worst of situations to his advantage. Has an unfortunate tendency to be overly cunning—sometimes the tricks and twists he comes up with are unnecessarily full of flourish just because he thinks manipulating people like pieces in a board game is extremely entertaining. Riddles and mind games are Lotor’s favorite—the more convoluted, the better.

- Although most people refer to him by the basic “Prince Lotor” (Lotori Ahn in Galra), Lotor’s full name and official title is Lotori Kir Ahnja Avel i’ya ne Daibazaal, His Royal Highness Prince Lotor of the First Star. As the emperors and empresses of the Galra are said to be physical representations of the goddess, the firstborn children of emperors/empresses are always called “the first star,” after the supposed first creation of the goddess.

- Extremely competitive, but mostly about weird things—like sure he’s going to win if you challenge him to a swordsmanship duel, but challenge him to a staring contest? Your eyes will rot out of your head before this boy will blink. Do not think he will let you beat him in a spelling bee. More than once the generals have had to drag him away from getting involved in the bizarre competitions of the alien cultures they come into contact with. He was 1000% ready to learn to knit eight-armed sweaters with Rikrik fur, thank you. Would totally take up pig-farming JUST to win an Earth state fair.

- Likes to collect interesting artifacts and trinkets of lost civilizations by force if necessary. His ship is basically a floating museum at this point. The generals are starting to worry that they’re going to have add a whole ‘nother deck for all the war prizes Lotor wins himself. Lotor’s gathering hobby extends to games too—he’s a big fan of games that involve sets of items, like Renni, the Galra collectible card game. Would 110% be that Magic the Gathering nerd back on earth.

- In terms of other interests, Lotor is the picture definition of a Renaissance man. Although he’s not a flawless genius savant in every field, he is wicked smart and has studied a vast array of subjects; he’s a capable engineer, a skilled mathematician, a deft philosopher, a good scientist, and extremely well-read, and he is not going tolet you forget any of those things at any point in time. Lotor is always going to be better than you, please just accept your fate.

- Art is… another story. He might be able to sketch detailed architectural blueprints without breaking a sweat but ask him to draw a dog and you’re going to be in for some trouble.

And that’s more than enough for now I think! XD

#lance mcclain #prince lotor #lotor #Voltron #voltron headcanons #voltron fanfic #Home and a Half #HaaHVLD #echo answers asks

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thebonggirll · 4 years

Text

Chapter 16 - Cavalry Battle

Chapter 15

Bakugou was already fuming about that stupid Deku getting the first position in the first round when Y/N suddenly grabbed his shoulder and talked to him in a way that no one dared to do before. He looked at the girl who still had her eyebrows furrowed while talking to her childhood friend. He was embarrassed and-

"Now the real fun begins." Bakugou heard Midnight's voice boom across the arena. The students gathered around as she explained the rules of the second event - Cavalry Battle.

Participants will form teams with a maximum of 4 people and then get in a horse configuration. The objective was to earn points by swiping other teams' headbands while protecting their own. The value of a team's headband would be the sum of the points each person on the team received based on their performance in the previous competition.

The person who ranked last would be worth 5 points, and each rank above that would be worth 5 more points than the previous one, with the exception of 1st place, which was worth 10 million points. Everyone's eyes fixated on Midoriya. His team was going to be targeted mostly.

The one to wear the headband must be the rider, and they were not allowed to wear it below their neck. If the team lose their headband or crumble as a horse configuration, they would still not be eliminated. Participants were allowed to use their Quirks, but, should they attack with the malicious intention of harming another participant, they will be forced out of the game.

Y/N looked at Todoroki from the distance who was talking to Kaminari, Momo and Iida. "I mean I can ask him atleast.", she thought and walked to them.

"H-Hey Todoroki? You have already decided or-"

"Sorry Y/N.." Momo apologized.

"Oh no no!" Y/N shook her head, "It's fine!" She sighed and looked around. Hot-head was surrounded by many students. Y/N didn't expect him out of all the people to be in demand. She in no way was going to be in his team. Not only because their quirk are basically polar opposites but also because of the little crap that Bakugou spouted. Yes she was mad about it. She was allowed to feel that way.

But now the problem was..who was going to team with her? Looking around she already found students with plans made up before and teams set up. Shoji maybe? He didn't find anyone too. She was walking towards him when Sero stopped her.

"Hey you don't have a team to join yet right?" He asked.

Y/N blinked looking at him and said, "..Not yet."

"Well join our team then!"

"Uhh..sure but who's in-" her eyes moved behind him as she watched the rest of his team members - Kirishima and Bakugou.

"Our quirks aren't compatible." Unknowingly the frown came back to her face.

"Hey look. I get it, y'all have problems but can you just put aside your personal issues and look at it as just participants of a competition? We need you. Your quirk is powerful." He explained, "Also, your quirks can be compatible in ways which you guys don't know about. You just never once considered to think about it."

Y/N's frown deepened as she realized that he was actually right and never thought about it that way. She sighed and said, "Okay."

Even though she managed to make new friends, they had their priorities sorted when it came to their career. Ofcourse she was approached by some people who wanted her to be in the team but after her little speech in the arena before the competition, she didn't really feel comfortable with anyone other than her classmates. It felt like they would only try to use her because of her quirk and if anything happened, guess who's the first one they'll be ready to sacrifice? If given an option, she would avoid joining the team Bakugou was in. Ofcourse it was a matter of her self-respect.

But then again it was also a matter of her stupid ego. Which she had to stomp on if she was going to make a name for herself as a good hero.

Y/N walked to the team, her cheeks reddening out of embarrassment. "Plan and Execute. That's it.", she whispered to herself in reassurance. It wasn't like she had a choice OR a good plan. Her team had Bakugou who was not only strong but smart.

"You're joining?" Kirishima asked, "Woah...I didn't feel like you'll agree."

Bakugou was observing her. She can feel it but she refused to look at him.

"She had no other choice." His smug voice entered her ears.

"Do we have a plan?" She asked, still not looking at him.

Bakugou normally didn't pay much attention to anyone. But for someone to be in his team AND to have the audacity to ignore him, he was surely angry.

"Fucking look at me when you're talking. Or you don't have the guts to do that too?"

She looked back at him and asked again, gritting her teeth, "Do we have a damn plan."

"Ofcourse we have a plan." His face broke into a wicked grin as he said, "We are taking the 10 million from your boyfriend."

"Don't call him my boyfriend." Y/N muttered, averting her eyes. The term just reminded her more about the stupid crush she had on this guy, and she was in no mood to feel giddy about it. Infact, she was getting more mad at herself for even liking a guy like him.

Her whole demeanor - starting from the way she talked with him to the way she refused to look at him - everything was noticed by Bakugou. He didn't get to think much because of the announcement of second round but he knew what he was thinking of at that time.

Embarrassment and fucking guilt.

As soon as the event started, just like everyone, Team Bakugou was also running towards Midoriya. But something happened while they were busy chasing him. A guy from section B, specifically, Team Monoma snatched their headband. Which ended up in Team Bakugou with zero points.

"Your class is too small minded. Think bigger." Monoma said.

Bakugou as usual lost his temper and yelled, "What did you say! Come back here!"

"Midnight said the obstacle course was just the first game. And we figured they wouldn't cut that many of us right off the bat, would they?" Monoma looked back, "Assuming they'd keep atleast 40 of the contestants in the next event, all we had to do was to stay within that group and run. From our spots in the middle rank, we could fully observe the quirks that our rivals have and judge their capabilities. Only a fool would obsess over preliminary round, wouldn't you agree?"

He tied the headband around his neck and continued, "Oh while I have your attention, you're kinda famous aren't you?"

Y/N knew what this kid was talking about. It was a sensitive issue for Bakugou and this guy knew exactly what he was doing. Yes, he was successfully making Bakugou mad but the thing is..

...they don't know what he is capable of doing and especially, when he's mad.

"You got attacked by that sludge villain. You must tell about it sometime. It must be strange for a hero to be in a role of a victim."

"Kirishima." Bakugou said, "We have a change of plans. Before we take down Deku, we are gonna kill every one of these B list idiots." No one ever saw him being that mad, and it scared the rest of the team members.

But she was also pissed about the trash talk they had to listen to from this section since they were shown in the national television. Bakugou was at fault too, ofcourse, but that shouldn't cloud their opinions about every single one of the students of section A.

"Smart, my fucking ass." Y/N thought.

"Please don't make us regret this!" Kirishima said as they started running towards Team Monoma. But they were quick to dodge Bakugou's attack. It took a few seconds for them to realize what Monoma's quirk was. Copy.

Ofcourse it didn't stop Bakugou. As soon as Team Monoma started running away again, He jumped off of Kirishima and flew towards them using his quirk. But once again, he got stopped by their team's Solid Air quirk.

Like it was mentioned before, they don't know what he's capable of. Bakugou was able to break through the solid air and he jumped back. Sero was quick to catch him before he hit the ground.

"We told you to warn us before you jump!" Sero said.

"Whatever, atleast we are advancing-" Kirishima said but got interrupted by Bakugou yelling, "We are not done!!!"

"Boy, you are that pissed." Y/N said as they continued running.

"I couldn't brace myself earlier when I jumped! Get closer! We'll get our points back from these idiots! Then go for the big one!" Bakugou yelled, "Elbow guy! Tape up!"

Sero released his tape forward at high speed, "My name's Sero."

"Speed up Grandma!"

"I told you to stop calling me that!" Y/N said, "Don't slip and hold onto each other firmly!" Releasing a huge gush of water from her feet and using it like a jet ski, she moved forward at a high speed towards their opponent.

It took only a few seconds. Y/N used her quirk to get close and Bakugou used his quirk to break the solid air in front of them created by Team Monoma, then snatching all of their headbands.

"Now we are going after Deku and Todoroki!" Bakugou said turning to his left where Todoroki created an ice barrier, probably to trap Midoriya. Being the impatient boy he was, Bakugou broke the barrier and jumped ahead, without warning his team, again.

And time was up.

Team Todoroki was the winner of the second round. And Team Bakugou was the second. Although, he didn't look too happy with it.

But what came as a surprise was the third winner. Team Shinsou, one with the purple haired guy. Y/N finally came to know about his name.

"Hey congrats Y/N!" Tzuyu said approaching her.

"Yeah I didn't do much, Bakugou just wanted me in to melt Todoroki's ice and for high speed." she replied. Tzuyu then went to crongratulate the others who passed.

"God I'm gonna hate myself for this." Y/N whispered to herself in the meantime. "Hey Bakugou," she called noticing him standing alone and complaining, "Uh, good work. We...wouldn't be in the second place if you weren't so hard-headed."

"What did you just call me!"

"I meant it as a compliment. But, don't get used to it buddy."

"I don't care, I wanted to be the first."

"And I just want to be a good hero." Y/N knew that she was bringing back the topic but she couldn't help herself, "Using unethical ways to be one is just not me. That's all I have to say."

Bakugou couldn't speak any word other than "okay", but Y/N was content with it.

It meant that he listened and probably was sorry about it.

.....Yeah, not so sure about the last one.

Chapter 17

SEASON - II

Ignite

MASTERLIST

tags: @captncappuccino

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reliciron · 4 years

Text

Exploring Arcann’s Romance: Part 2

Alright, now on to the arguably more fun idea: he was interested in your character from the beginning or at least while he was still the villain.

Part 1 here

Admittedly, this option is much newer to me (though I’m not sure why I didn’t occur to me before), but the possibilities are very interesting.

I like some pre-existing structure. Thinking up missing scenes in the existing content is easier for me because I have a definite starting and stopping situation. If my character just came from a cutscene on the bridge of the Gravestone, and the next cutscene is in the Dark Sanctuary of the ship, then its easy to write what happens in the middle. I know where they were and I know where they need to be by the end. When the gap is too large, like between the end of KotET and the start of Iokath, I don’t really know what to do with myself and the possibilities overwhelm me, turning my scenes into a disjointed mush. So this option is actually very appealing to me (on top of extending that sweet, sweet pining).

Of course, when I say that he was interested in your character while he was a villain, I don’t mean that he was actually pining per-say, so much as his obsession with you was not just out of hatred. And as weird as it may be, I think it was Valkorian that spurred that interest.

Yeah, I know, Valkorian playing cupid is a really disturbing image, but he did sow the seeds of what would eventually be your romance.

When we first meet Arcann, he’s pretty dismissive of you. Even when he’s saying that your past accomplishments are “impressive” it’s still with a mocking tone, and when he tells you to “come along” it’s like he’s speaking to an errant child. As if he’s annoyed at the very idea that he has to babysit a prisoner, like some lowly guard.

He clearly doesn’t think much of you.

The exact moment he starts taking you seriously is when Valkorian extends his hand to you, giving you respect and asking that you join him.

Like I talked about in part 2 of my Redeeming Arcann posts:

Arcann trained for years, went through battle after battle for months, lost him arm, murdered his brother, just to be extended the same courtesy.

As far as he’s concerned, you’re just some asshole who did some cool stuff waaaaaaay over there. Prior to the destruction of Marr’s ship, Arcann didn’t even know you existed, and you haven’t even met Valkorian, yet he’s treating you like he’s known you for years. Like he’s been eagerly following your exploits, while Arcann was just doing what Valkorian expected of him.

It clearly enrages him. Lucky for us that rage is directed (rightfully) at Valkorian.

Still, Valkorian acknowledging your strength made Arcann take a second look at you. If you were so awesome that his father immediately treated you with respect, than you were clearly someone to watch out for. And that is were his interest starts.

Of course that interest is definitely later bolstered by the fact that Valkorian took up residence in your head, but he didn’t know that at the time (I think? I’m not entirely sure but we’re going with it).

He didn’t kill you. It would’ve been easier to kill you right then and there in the throne room. But he didn’t. You were interesting enough that he froze you rather than put you to death.

When you escape, he’s incredibly pissed, and I think a decent portion of the ‘anger’ we see then is actually fear. We know that our PC is the ultimate badass, but all he knows is what he read in the records of Marr’s ship. As far as we know at least.

Its been 5 years. He probably had his hands full at first when he conquered the Republic and Empire. But after that it was just day to day stuff, which he clearly didn’t care much about. You cannot tell me that he never looked you up in all that time. With how worried he was when you escaped, he had to know more about you than a basic list of titles and accomplishments.

It’s one thing to do great things when you have a decent support and power structure, but doing great things when you have nothing is an entirely different beast. He wouldn’t have known that the Outlander would be capable of doing damage as a nobody unless he read up on how you accomplished the things you did.

It’s the difference between knowing that you won the Great Hunt, and knowing that you did it in spite of a powerful foe blocking your way at every turn and only having like two people at your back.

The first one is impressive, the second one is scary.

Every time he has you cornered in KotFE, you manage to squirm away, doing further damage on your way out. He consistently underestimates you, and every time it happens he gets more and more angry. That’s why he’s so pissed by the Battle of Odessen that he’s willing to ignore Scorpio.

You challenge him. And as much as he hates you for it at some level I think he’s also intrigued by it.

Why does this person keep fighting him? Why does nothing seem to phase them? How did they get this strong? (This one is probably even more upsetting to him when the character is solidly light-side. He’d done a lot of terrible things to become this powerful and he definitely looks down on light-side choices as ‘weak’, so why is this ‘weak’ person able to challenge him? And if they are able to get this strong from the light-side, were all the things he’d done truly necessary?)

“When we first met all those years ago, I felt threatened by you. But now I see that I admired you even then – and it angered me.” - In-game Message

---------

Ok, best part, once he’s aware of his feelings for you, how does he act? And what is he like post-confession and into a relationship?

(Everything in this analysis is subjective, but I’ve been trying to leave room for other people’s interpretations. This part is going to be heavily biased in favor of how I read him as a character. If this isn’t how you see him, that’s perfectly fine, maybe this can just get you thinking about it.)

Alright, here we go.

Arcann screams ‘unsure’ to me more than anything else.

Why did the Commander spare him? What does the Commander think of him? What is expected of him in the Alliance? How does he even begin to atone for his past? WHY IS THE COMMANDER SO NICE TO HIM?!?!

He is also positively drowning in self-hatred.

Which unfortunately means that once he realizes he has feelings for the Commander, he likely makes the decision that he won’t tell them. Ever.

He doesn’t deserve to have feelings for anyone. Least of all the person he tried killed several times.

He should be happy that he is allowed to be in the Alliance. Happy that he can use is abilities to protect them, instead of hurt them. Happy just to be near them.

The poor bastard probably has zero people skills beyond intimidation. And intimidating is the last thing he wants to be now. So there’s going to be a long period of awkwardness where he wants to be closer to them, maybe even friends, but really doesn’t know how. He’ll come across as stilted and there will be a lot of long awkward silences. Of course he’s a very smart man, so he’ll know that he’s being awkward, which then leads to him getting frustrated with himself. We’ll see a little flicker of his old temper, not enough to be scary, but our character might not know whether that anger is focused at them or not. He’ll be hesitant and cautious, and will often fall back on submission. (Thanks, Valkorian). It will take time for both parties to get on the same page, and the Commander will need to be patient and do a lot of work to drag him out of his shell.

I foresee some talks with Senya. Probably for both Arcann and the Commander, but never at the same time. Poor, long suffering, Senya.

Once, he’s more comfortable, he might start doing things for them. Little sweet things, that are still safely within the boundaries of ‘friend things’ (at least as far as he understands, I don’t think he’s ever had a friend that wasn’t a sibling). I can see this sort of gifting behavior as a subtle I’m-not-trying-to-court-them-this-is-what-friends-do-RiGhT?! behavior. This culminates with the armor he gives you in the canon confession scene (assuming you include it).

Giving you armor, especially ‘to ensure you’re always protected’, just screams ‘I like you’ in big neon lights. And I personally love the idea that in Zakuulan culture, it IS a confession of romantic intentions. He just assumes the Commander doesn’t know that, so he can confess without actually confessing.

Ok, however you did it, they’re together.

I think he’d be borderline timid in the beginning.

Personal Headcanon is: Arcann had never been in a relationship before. Sex, yes. But not a relationship. Given what Valkorian says in his voice over during the KotFE trailer, I seriously doubt that he would have let them have enough freedom and down time to be able to have one. Especially since forming a strong attachment to someone else would threaten Valkorian’s power over them. So in addition to him just generally being unsure of himself, he also has zero experience in the relationship department.

He’s rarely completely out of his depth, so this would probably be a source of anxiety for him. He loves the Commander so much, but he’s so scared of doing something wrong and driving them away.

There will need to be some talks and comforting on your character’s part, letting him know that there really isn’t a ‘right’ way and that they’ll figure things out as they go along. That there will always be some hiccups in a relationship, but that’s OK and not the end of the world.

His insecurity about his looks will probably surface again, in one way or another. I mean, he wore a mask for years because he was so uncomfortable with people seeing his scars. And I think he left the mask behind, not because he’d come to terms with his appearance, but because he knew that his masked face had more or less become the symbol of his tyranny and he wanted to distance himself from it (along with being less recognizable while he was running around the galaxy). So I don’t think he’s really accepted his facial scars, let alone the scarring around his cybernetic arm. The arm will also be a source of anxiety for him, since most cybernetics seem to be stronger than the original limb. He might worry about accidentally hurting his new partner, either by gripping to tight, or by catching skin or hair in the joints of his fingers. You’ll also have to decide if his cybernetics are detachable (so he might take it off before sleeping), or if they’re permanently attached and can only be removed by a specialist. Does he do maintenance himself, or does he have someone else do it? Does your Commander have training in cybernetics and can therefore help him?

He’ll be very aware of what others think of his relationship with the Commander, and what it may cost them to be with him. I can see them keeping the relationship secret for a while, until its a little less new, and a little more comfortable. Then they’d let the inner circle know. Then the rest of the Alliance. There won’t be any official announcement, they just won’t hide it anymore.

Of course, I think Arcann will generally be less affectionate in public. There will be little things, like guiding them with his hand on their lower back, hugs, hand holding, but there won’t generally be kisses unless he’s worried enough to forget everyone who could be watching. The poor bastard is probably extremely touch-starved, so I bet he’ll really be into any affectionate touches the Commander will give him in private. For a while though, the Commander will likely be the one initiating things, until he feels secure enough in the knowledge that his touch truly is wanted.

Down the line, he’ll eventually come out of his shell more. He’ll be more confident, and openly protective (not to a controlling degree). I feel like this period is even more up to you, as it depends even more heavily on your perception of Arcann and what fanfic events you’ve put him through to get here.

One Quick Note About Alien Races:

It could be that I missed something, but I get the feeling that aliens are a new thing to Zakuul. That Nautolan chick who serves Scorpio seems to have immigrated there while we were frozen, and the only other alien that I remember seeing as a Zakuulan citizen was that random Bothan lady with the rebels in the beast pit of Vaylin’s party. I’m guessing that she’s an immigrant too, because other than those two, I don’t remember any other aliens there. I know the higher ups were AWARE of the greater galaxy, they just thought it was a backwater nowhere compared to them and saw no reason to poke around. I’m not sure the general population was aware, since they seem so blissfully ignorant to just about everything.

So I headcanon that aliens were pretty much unknown to most of them. Assuming that, I’d say the first time Arcann met aliens was on those battles Valkorian sent him on. ‘testing’ the Republic and Empire. He clearly didn’t have aliens on staff, so his contact with them has been minimal.

I like thinking about this because it adds another layer of ‘what the fuck do I do’ when he’s pining for, and eventually in a relationship with, the Commander. I’m not saying he’d be racist towards them, I’m just saying there’d be room for some cultural misunderstandings, and that he’d be extra worried about it. Even more fun if he’s ignorant of some of an alien’s natural abilities, like a Nautolan’s ability to sense people’s emotions, or a Cathar’s advanced senses. Cause once he finds out, we’d get the added horror of him realizing that he might’ve given his feelings away in a way that he hadn’t even anticipated or been able to control.

By the time Arcann and the Commander get together, dating aliens must’ve become a thing in Zakuul. It’s been over 5 years, and if Mass Effect has taught me anything, it takes exactly 0.6 seconds for humans to be DTF an alien.

It’s just one more facet of their relationship to explore, that’s all.

Ok, I think that’s it, any more and I’ll feel like I’ll be talking in circles. This has been more of a stream of consciousness thing, so hopefully it made sense and wasn’t too boring. One last time, this is all my own perception of Arcann and how I would approach a romance with him in a fanfic. If you guys have anything to add or any contrasting ideas I really would love to hear them.

Part 1 here.

#swtor #arcann #arcann tirall #character analysis #arcann romance #kotfe #swtor kotfe #swtor kotet #kotet

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words-writ-in-starlight · 4 years

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🍪 take a cookie because you deserve it :),, also please tell me about geralt and yennifer and also is the witcher easy to watch without knowing much about the source material ???

I watched three episodes of Witcher with zero context whatsoever, understood everything, enjoyed it hugely, read about 200K of fic, watched three more episodes, read the first book in the series, and finished the show. As long as you are prepared for the fact that, A, the timelines of the three main characters converge, they are not concurrent, and, B, it’s not Game of Thrones and it’s not trying to be Game of Thrones, you will be ABSOLUTELY fine.

(Do critics just…not use critical thinking skills? Half of everyone I’ve talked to said that this show was impossible to follow. It is not impossible to follow. Yennefer and Geralt are just really old. Also, everyone and their cousin is like “well it’s not GoT” yeah???? Obviously???? “This isn’t chili” “No, it’s chicken pot pie” “I wanted chili” “Then go have some chili I guess??? This is chicken pot pie. Still a food, just not that food.” It’s not Game of Thrones. If you want Game of Thrones, go watch that instead, or read the books, or maybe watch some Avatar and calm down. Stop crucifying every fantasy product for not being Game of Thrones II.)

TL;DR: Yeah dude you’ll be totally fine, watch this show. And then if you don’t mind spoilers for the rest of the (book and game) series, read Astolat’s Witcher fic.

ANYWAY

Geralt and Yennefer. This got…very long.

Here’s the fairly unique emotion I’m feeling about this relationship: I think it’s absolutely in-character and believable, I’m completely convinced that Geralt and Yennefer would end up together, and I am equally convinced that their relationship has a pretty hard expiration date on it. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually been interested in a relationship dynamic that I took one look at and went “oh, wow, this is going to break down hard the second your need to help people even when they hate you and her need to get revenge on people who hate her are in conflict.” That’s very novel for me, because normally I like endgame relationships. I find breakup drama exhausting. I have dumped two people ever and both times I was very nice for ten minutes and then very short-tempered for the rest of the conversation.

But I’m really invested in the breakdown here. And I’m really invested in how completely inevitable the relationship is, despite what I consider to be the equally inevitable calamitous breakup.

The thing is, Geralt has lived his entire life as a witcher, which means that the world is divided into two groups for him: people who are dependent on him as a witcher, and people who hate and fear him as a witcher. (There are also Other Witchers, but with so few of them left that they fall pretty heavily into the ‘people who depend on him’ category.) There is a not-inconsiderable amount of overlap in that Venn diagram, but that’s pretty much how it is on this bitch of a Continent. The people who Geralt is drawn to, in whatever context, tend to be the rare handful who fall outside that binary metric in some way.

Renfri could use help from him, but she’s more than able to handle herself. In fact, when the chips are down, her final gamble is to just remove him from the field of play, and try to resolve the situation alone.

Triss needs him in a professional capacity, but she brings just as much to the table as he does, both in terms of political knowledge about the striga situation and in terms of dragging his battered ass out of the castle before he can quietly bleed out. She’s not looking for a rescuer, she’s looking for a tank to complement her glass cannon.

Jaskier needs Geralt to save him (in the show)…but only because he was usually the one to get them into trouble in the first place. And he sticks around once he’s been saved, once he isn’t depending on Geralt to get him out alive anymore.

Even Ciri, who is absolutely dependent on him in a very literal and legal sense, is distinctly different from the general populace, who need a witcher to pull them out of trouble. She’s one of probably very few people who’s ever been dependent on Geralt as a person, rather than a hired killer. Sure, it’s helpful that he can kill anyone who looks crooked at her, but she also needs to eat, and to learn to use a sword, and to be trained in things like magic and languages, and all the things that a kid needs from a parent. That’s radically different from Geralt’s experience of being depended on as a witcher.

But Yennefer…Yennefer doesn’t need Geralt. She’s not dependent on Geralt. She’s not afraid of Geralt in any way, let alone just because he’s a witcher–in fact, she barely seems to notice that he’s a witcher, except in the way that it makes them alike. Geralt’s taste in partners is obviously “people who are not afraid of him” with very few other requirements, and Yennefer is a powerful mage, someone who would be able to take down a witcher without difficulty. She’s also well-educated, very clever, and completely fearless about the world in general. That’s everything Geralt finds compelling, all with the added bonus of an extremely pretty face. It makes complete narrative sense that Geralt is in love with her.

Incidentally I do not believe that Geralt wished for Yennefer to be in love with him, because it wouldn’t track with the rest of his character and would be a level of vulnerability he works hard to avoid. I do believe that he might have said something rash like “I wish I wouldn’t lose her” and now they are here. It’s important to think your wishes through when dealing with an angry wish-granting being.

On Yennefer’s end of things, she has only ever wanted two things: to be respected and to be wanted. In any capacity that might be available to her. I think this is really the major driving force of her desire to have children–she’s not overwhelmingly interested in children as a phenomenon, and I think that in another life she wouldn’t want them. But she said it herself, she wants a child because she always wanted to be important to someone. It’s not about the kid. She’s obsessed with the idea that she will always be important to a child. A child would be completely dependent on her, completely devoted to her, no matter what.

(Side note: this is a bad reason to have kids! Geralt is right and she would be a bad mother. She’s also obsessed with having kids because she can’t handle the revelation that she’s not happy with the deal she made, and she’s focused all that discontent into the literal, tangible loss of being able to carry a child. But “Yennefer actually probably does not want a child and is rampantly projecting all her issues onto the most readily available problem she can find” is a separate post. Probably the first pregnancy-centric plotline I’ve ever been able to handle without feeling violently dysphoric, though.)

The thing is, when she meets Geralt during the djinn fiasco, he needs her. He’s dependent on her. She’s important to him because of what she can do for him, which is how she’s set up her life. When he comes back to save her, though, he’s not doing it for payment, or for a favor, or for any of the other clean, linear exchanges that Yennefer is used to. He just…comes back. For her. Because she’s a person.

Yennerfer has never been important just as…a person, before. She’s important as a mage, she’s important as a student, she’s important as a project or a protector. But from the second Geralt comes back for her, she’s important to him as a person. The fact that almost any person would be on the level of “important enough to save from a rampaging djinn and their own stupidity” to Geralt is completely superfluous to how hard that hits Yennefer. Of course she’s in love with him. Of course she keeps looking for him, keeps pouring on the charm whenever she’s with him–she wants him to keep wanting her. Because that’s how she knows to make herself important to someone, is to make them want her.

(This is also where it gets interesting with Ciri, because…well, if Yennefer really just wanted kids, she could do worse than the news of the girl who’s Geralt’s daughter in the eyes of the law. But she’s furious, because her views of family are intensely skewed and limited by her experiences. Also a separate post that I will probably make after reading some more of the books.)

Regarding the inevitably dramatic breakdown of their relationship (beyond the falling out over the djinn thing, which, see above), I think they’re under the impression that if they do it right, they could stand the test of time. They’re both extremely long-lived, so the test of time has the potential to be a while, but I frankly don’t think they’d make it outside of a conflict-heavy environment (like, say, a war). When they have a mutual goal, or at least a mutual enemy, Geralt and Yennefer work together like a right and left hand. When they do not, they fall apart something fierce, because they’re driven by intrinsically different motives. Geralt, for all that he tries to be as cynical as possible, has been trained his entire life to protect people, and considers it a worthwhile goal in and of itself. Yennefer, on the other hand, is as innately self-motivated as Geralt pretends to be, which means that she’s driven heavily by what feels best for her in the moment. Sometimes that means healing a wounded bard and talking quietly with a witcher about their mutual scars! Sometimes that means leaving a woman to die for calling her a worthless bitch! This is a morally neutral statement that I’m making, there’s a generous and an ungenerous way to read Yen’s decisions, but I think we can agree that she’s not exactly following a rulebook here. Yennefer has her goals and she’s going to achieve them, and fuck you for getting in her way.

Including Geralt.

I think that, virtually without question, Yennefer’s self-oriented hedonistic drive and Geralt’s protection-based code will clash, and their relationship will break down in spectacular fireworks. Having to self-determine, during peace time, is practically guaranteed to bring those two motivating factors into conflict eventually. Because during peace time, Geralt will be back to being the hated witcher and Yennefer won’t have a better enemy to focus on than the civilians he risks his life for on the regular. And Geralt demonstrably does not respond well to that.

#the witcher #witcher #netflix witcher #geralt of rivia #yennefer of vengerberg #geralt x yennefer #...sort of #starlight writes stuff #anyway yes i am fascinated and also absolutely convinced of the fact that their relationship will eventually go supernova #this is actually only a fraction of my thoughts on the subject as evidenced by my plethora of parentheticals #but it got so long that i had to shut up and go to bed #i didn't even get into my weird emotional state on yennefer #i don't like her much! ...MOST of the time!#when she's around geralt i really genuinely like her as a person #and that GLARING difference is really interesting to me #because it doesn't scan as completely manipulative i think she really does care for him #but she's also showing him SUCH an incredibly different side of herself that he would be denounced as a liar if he ever mentioned it #i think she's really latched onto their shared magical mutation with the assumption that he's as angry as she is #and it causes her to show him a whooooole other self #i'm fascinated #i do not believe they would work out and i don't think it would be good for them (esp geralt) if they tried #but i am fascinated #my gf bought me witcher 3 and i've been reading the books so it's safe to say that i have more comments #jothjimbo #asked and answered #a queue we shall keep and our honor someday avenge

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degenerate-perturbation · 4 years

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Chapters: 14/? Fandom: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Female Amell/Female Surana Characters: Female Amell, Female Surana, Anders, Velanna, Nathaniel Howe, Oghren (Dragon Age), Justice (Dragon Age), Sigrun (Dragon Age) Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Harm, Blood Magic, Prostitution Series: Part 2 of void and light, blood and spirit Summary: Amell and Surana are out of the Circle, and are now free to build a life together. But when the prison doors fly open, what do you have in common with the one shackled next to you, save for the chains that bound you both?

Yvanne hadn’t meant to stay in Highever long. Only enough to get her bearings, recover, figure out where she was going to go, what she was going to do. But that first night, after she’d gone down and gotten a drink and not felt any better, she figured she may as well have another one. Then another. Then she drank until she forgot what she was drinking about, then slept til well past noon.

She woke with a splitting hangover. Almost thoughtlessly, she reached for the Fade to provide some desperately needed relief—and then remembered the cloth merchant. Fear electrified her. No, she daren’t risk it.

Without magic, she had no choice but to lay there and experience the hangover’s full wrath. It would be a novelty, if nothing else (though soon it would cease to be that, too.) Having a hangover took up most of her afternoon, after which she scrounged enough of herself up to go have her first meal of the day, which ended up being dinner. And after dinner was as good a time as any to start drinking again.

So it went.

A week passed like that, and then another, and then she was out of money. She could hardly expect to leave Highever if she had no money, so she sold one of her amulets. A Tranquil woman running a magic shop ended up giving her the best price, and the memory of her flattened voice and the vivid (recent?) sun brand on her forehead drove Yvanne to drink all the more that night. It all ended with her vomiting on the floor. The innkeeper looked ready to throw her out, but the clink of her newly-gained gold pieces discouraged any haste.

Sometimes she idly wondered about the cloth merchant who she had robbed and whose mind she had very possibly destroyed. But she rarely wondered for long. That was the thing about encounters with a spirit of Forgetting—they didn’t stick around in your mind for very long. Besides, she had more important things to worry about. The amulet had sold for a good bit more than the cloth. She figured she could afford to stay at the inn for a while, buy some supplies, and head out soon.

But weeks later half that money was gone, and she had no plan, no gear, and no will to get either. So she stayed at the inn.

She’d get out, she told herself. Just not yet. She wasn’t ready.

She missed Oghren. If he was here she would have felt better. More normal, anyway. She wondered where he was now. Probably still at the Keep, drinking himself to death without even a friend to do it with. Though she hadn’t even been a very good friend, had she? A better friend wouldn’t have let herself get dragged into the muck right alongside him. A better friend would have tried harder.

Oh, well. She’d always half-suspected that she was scum. If nothing else, it was nice to feel like she’d been right about herself.

A month later, she sold an armband to keep herself housed and watered, and no longer bothered to pretend that she had any intention of leaving. In fact, she had zero intentions at all.

It wasn’t so bad. In a lot of ways she was better off now than before. Nobody relied on her. She had no responsibilities. If she wanted to sleep all day and drink all night (which she did), nobody suffered. Best of all, when she thought about Loriel (and she thought about Loriel every couple minutes, in those early days), she didn’t feel a sick mix of dread and misery—she just felt fucking angry. No wonder Velanna had been so fucking angry all the time, shortly after her whole life had been destroyed by her own hand. Angry was good. Angry was easy.

It was her fault that she was in this position. She’d driven her here, made their shared lives unlivable. She had set everything they had on fire and dared Yvanne to watch it burn, she had taken everything from her. If she’d given so much as an inch none of this would have ever happened. If she had put in the smallest iota of effort, if she'd cared about Yvanne the tiniest little bit, they could still have been happy together.

( You couldn’t have been, a voice inside her whispered, and it’s your own fault for not seeing it sooner.)

How could she just not care? How could it not matter? How could she do this to them? She hated her, she hated her—nearly as much as she still loved her.

—

She decided early on that she would be a mage no longer. She did no magic, carried no staff. The part of her that knew magic was atrophying day by day, and she was glad of it. If she never again touched the Fade, never again felt its cool waters and infinite varieties—that would be fine. Good, even. Better to be free. Better to be safe.

What had magic ever brought her but pain?

She never gave her real name. Yvanne Amell was somebody’s wife, somebody’s friend, somebody’s mentor and commander, so she would no longer be Yvanne Amell. The innkeeper who had been putting up with her presence knew her as nobody at all, and anybody else that asked got a different answer every time.

One week she met a well-off Antivan trader, rich in silks and bravado. She put her hand on his wrist and looked up with limpid eyes and spun him a tale of how her husband, a cruel and petty man who married her for her titles and seized them from her--how she had had to flee to Highever in terror of his wrath, and how she, once a noble lady, had been rendered homeless and destitute. The Antivan became so enraged at her piteous plight that he drew his sword and declared that he would not rest until he had slain the cruel and perfidious Bann himself and shortly thereafter fell asleep. She informed the innkeeper that her bill for the evening would be on him.

That was the nice thing about a port city like Highever—it never wanted for a steady stream of transient, interesting characters. After many weeks of staying at the inn, not a single face was familiar, and she was free to be somebody else.

Another week she was a Chasind exile, driven from her home because she had dared to find love outside the clan. Her lover had been a rich overland trader who plied her with fine gifts—but alas, when she left her clan to be with him he had abandoned her, and now she had nothing but her faithless lover’s presents to live on. She told this story seven times over the course of a week, each time with further embellishments, each time well enough to earn enough of her audience’s sympathy that they might purchase her a meal or another drink.

The first time someone misread her facsimile of friendliness for sexual interest and leaned in to kiss her, it took every scrap of her hard-won self control not to strike him down with lightning on the spot. She managed to only slap the young man across the face instead. It couldn’t have hurt him—she’d grown so used to augmenting her insignificant strength with magic that without it, she felt about as physically imposing as a newborn kitten—but he still drew back in shock. She hissed through her teeth that she was not available and to get out of her sight before she made him regret it.

Later she sat and nursed a tumbler of brandy and dwelled. That wasn’t strictly true, was it? She wasn’t unavailable at all. And the young man had seemed nice enough. She didn’t particularly regret hitting him, but only because she had already decided that she wasn’t going to regret anything ever again. If she started to regret, even for a moment, she would be lost.

After that she slept with whoever seemed even halfway interested. At first mostly women, because women were familiar—and then only men, because women were familiar. With a woman she could not help but compare. With a man it meant less than nothing, an all-but-mechanical exercise of material forms. Men were easier to please, anyway; more than half the ones she took to bed were delighted that she was paying them any attention at all. She would take them to her room for an hour or less, and send them away after. She rarely let anyone spend the night, and then only ever on accident.

She felt like a teenager again, sleeping with whoever the hell she wanted, just because she could. It felt good to betray Loriel even in this little way, even though Loriel had been the one to tell her to go, even though she had no one to betray anymore.

After all, why not? All this time she had obsessively wondered, how could it mean nothing? Well, it was time to stop wondering. It did mean nothing. Nothing meant anything, and she was free, free, free.

Some of them left payment for her trouble. The first time it happened she had flushed furious red and tried to explain that it wasn’t like that, she hadn’t been performing a service— and then realized that she would have to be a complete idiot to turn down coin for something she was going to do anyway. So what if they misunderstood? Let them! She’d take their money if they were so desperate to part with it.

After a while, she started negotiating higher rates.

The innkeeper eventually put a stop to it. He informed her, none too politely, that she was free to ply her trade in the brothel, but not at a respectable establishment like his inn, and if she did not stop at once he would throw her out. So that put an end to that. She went back to selling jewelry.

It hadn’t occurred to her that there was a brothel in Highever, although upon even a brief moment’s thought it became obvious that there had to be. She remembered the Pearl in Denerim. Back then she’d been so eagerly curious to find out what they were like inside, because she’d been so eagerly curious about everything. Loriel had found the whole thing distasteful and at the time had sarcastically asked her if she was looking for work.

Maker, but they could be horrible to each other. The rest of the night she sat and remembered every single time Loriel had been horrible to her and she’d been horrible back.

One night, in a fit of what could only be insanity, she went around to every brothel in the city until she found a working elven woman with pale skin and black hair, and afterward felt so disgusting that she couldn’t get out of bed for a week.

—

“—Amell—”

She jerked up at the mention of her discarded name. She had been slouched at the counter, sipping the last remnants of what probably passed for wine, half-asleep and struggling to stay awake. If she fell asleep the innkeeper would make her go upstairs, and she wasn’t ready for that, yet.

Her heart pounded. Who here knew her name? She looked wildly around at the source of the voice, which she didn’t think she recognized. Her eyes settled on two men she definitely didn’t know. Where they had come from was impossible to say by clothing and accent alone. Fereldans? Free Marchers?

Neither of them were looking at her. She strained to hear their conversation.

“—took up residence at the old estate,” said one.

“Feh,” said the other. “I don’t believe that cockamamie story about a Deep Roads expedition. If you ask me this upstart new Lord Amell got his money the old fashioned way—trickery, lies, or thievery.”

“Or all three.”

“Or all three!”

“Well, perhaps so. Either way I’d rather deal with this new cocksure than the last Lord Amell. Drunken idiot, that one was, bloody impossible to do business with. Kirkwall’s better off without him—assuming he’s really dead.”

“ I hear the last Lord Amell now lives in a hovel in Lowtown.”

“Maybe somebody claiming to be the old Lord Amell, alright. Anyway, even if this new Lord Amell is a lying trickster, you’re right that he can hardly be worse than old Gamlen, whatever’s happened to him.”

She kept listening a while, but the conversation soon turned to that season’s commercial fishing prospects, and they did not discuss Lord Amell again before they headed up to their rooms for the night.

They didn’t mean her, she thought. They were only talking about this Lord Amell, whoever he was. She was so relieved that she had another drink, and then really did fall asleep on the counter, and was subsequently shaken awake and sent to bed by the weary innkeeper.

Only when she was getting into her own bed did it occur to her that her family had lived in Kirkwall, once, and that the name Lord Amell might have been more than simply a coincidence.

Over the months that followed she heard more talk of Lord Amell, usually from sailors making port out of Kirkwall. They said Lord Amell was well over six feet tall and nearly as wide, that he consorted with smugglers and thieves and Qunari, that he had a pet hawk as his constant companion. They said he was secretly an apostate, and what more locked in a torrid romance with a Rivaini pirate queen—although the accounts varied. Sometimes the torrid romance involved an escaped Tevinter slave or a Dalish blood mage. She disbelieved all these stories at once, and even began to doubt that this Lord Amell even existed. He sounded more like a tall tale or local legend than an actual person.

And even if he was real—he was hardly any business of hers. Resolutely, she went back to the important business of drinking herself to death.

—

Sometimes she did leave the inn. On these occasions she would blearily wander the city with no particular aim in sight. She would go to the docks, to the walls of Castle Cousland, to the markets, anywhere where people were. City guards and thieves and mothers with their children and slouching youths and burly dockworkers, they all streamed around her. If her dark skin and braided hair was cause for a second glance in other parts of Ferelden, not so in the port city of Highever.

This was what it meant to be part of the world. Total anonymity. Total aloneness. Total perfection.

On one of these sojourns she found herself walking past the gates of the alienage. Loriel was from Highever, she suddenly remembered. She’d been born in the alienage here. Were her parents still here?

She laughed to herself. What if she found them? Do you know where your daughter is? she would ask them. Do you know what she’s been up to? Do you even care? She found herself looking intently at every person she saw, looking for older elves with narrow eyes and dark hair, but nobody looked like a decent match.

Highever wasn’t so far from Vigil’s Keep. Loriel could have come here and looked for her parents any time she wanted. But she’d never even cared to try. She’d given up on them, too.

Suddenly she was furious at her all over again

She wondered if her own father knew or cared that she was still alive. If he was even still alive; the man she remembered had been so sapped of all vitality that it would not surprise her if the loss of yet another daughter destroyed him completely. When she had been a child she had hated him for abandoning her in Kinloch. She’d been so furious at him for so long that she’d entirely forgotten to think of him, burying all memory of him beneath an avalanche of bitter hatred. It was only now occurring to her that her father had loved her.

She wondered where her sisters were now. They hadn’t been close. They fought over toys and food and their father’s attention, hit and pinched and slapped each other, screamed and shouted and ruined dinner. Suddenly she missed them so much it felt like a physical ache, though she had not thought of them in years. She wondered who they had grown up to be.

At least her oldest sister was probably in a Circle now. When she had been discovered a mage, her mother had been so grief-stricken that she begged the Templars for mercy on her knees, right in the city streets—and her a noble lady. It was quite the scandal, and a bigger scandal yet when Revka Amell disappeared to parts unknown soon after. That was all she knew; she remember little of it, and anytime she’d asked for more, her father would look pained and drawn and refuse to speak more on it.

For a long time, anytime her father was less than what she’d wanted, when he was distant or sad or busy and seemed to look through and not at her, her mother had been the imagined Good Parent. Her mother, who always sided with her and let her do what she wanted, who never hit her or ignored her or let her be hurt. She would spend hours in this fantasy, supposing that someday her mother would come and take her away to wherever she’d gone off to, and she would finally have the life she’d always meant to have.

Unlike her father, though, her mother had abandoned her willingly.

She didn’t remember how old she had been when she’d stopped having that fantasy.

Somebody bumped into her; an elven woman balancing a basket of mangos on her head. She realized she’d just been standing blank-faced in the middle of an alienage for several minutes now. Then she noticed all the dirty looks she was attracting from the alienage elves, wondering what some strange shem woman was doing here.

Fuck this, she thought, heading back to the inn. And fuck all this futile wondering about her family. Even if she wanted to find them she would spend a lifetime searching. One way or another, they were lost to her for good.

—

She didn’t generally let her disposable lovers stay in her bed for long. Sleeping next to someone and feeling their warmth disgusted her. That she’d let this one stay had been pure accident; she’d just gotten too drunk, and fallen asleep practically halfway through.

When she woke again to the late-afternoon light seeping into her room, she found that she had been robbed. All her jewelry; that was most of what she owned, all of it valuable. Her traitorous temporary lover would be hours away by now, carrying her rings, her bracelets, her armbands, her necklaces and amulets, even the little decorations she wore in her hair. That was everything she could have hoped to live on. She had less now than she’d even fled the Vigil with.

She sat on the bed with her legs tucked underneath her like a child. She felt like the biggest fool to ever walk the earth. But if she were honest with herself—with how careless she was being—it was a wonder this hadn’t happened earlier.

Laughter bubbled up from her chest and into her throat, until she had to let it out or else choke on it. She put her head in her hands and laughed until she couldn’t breathe, until she gasped for breath and blackness ate at the edges of her vision.

Something glinted on her hand, drawing her attention to it. Her wedding ring. She had grown so used to its presence on her finger, her plainest piece, the one she never removed or swapped out for anything different. That was it. That was all that was left.

Her head throbbed, but she didn’t dare use magic to fix it. She badly wanted a drink, to take the edge off, but she had no money, and there wouldn’t be enough men at the inn to cajole into supplying her until later this evening.

Suddenly she couldn’t stand to sit here. She needed to go outside and feel the sunlight before evening fell—and the markets closed.

The late summer air was heavy like soup. She felt herself floating through the streets as though not under her own power. She was sober, painfully sober, but nothing felt real, anyway. She watched people hurrying to and fro, going about their comfortable lives, totally ignorant of her plight. Totally indifferent to the slow and now sudden dissolution of her entire life.

Having only one possible recourse, she went to the shop of the Tranquil woman who had always given her the best prices for her jewelry. But then she lingered outside the door.

Her wedding ring gleamed dully as she pulled it from her finger. The simple band was worn smooth from her thumb constantly swiping across it; she must have rubbed it a thousand times over the past several months. She hadn’t taken it off since she’d put it on, years ago. Until now.

What a stupid, impulsive thing it had been, the way they’d gotten engaged ( Loriel gilded in moonlight, the most beautiful woman in the world—) What a stupid excuse of a ceremony their wedding had been (Loriel breathlessly promising—) What a joke it had been. They'd vaguely planned on a real ceremony someday, and now that day would never come. A trivial pathetic excuse of a wedding, for a trivial pathetic excuse of a relationship, one built on nothing but mutual parasitism, on nothing but fear, on nothing. What a stupid, pointless, empty (Loriel flushed and laughing, being spun around wildly as they danced, happy—) thing it had been. It made her sick with rage to think of it.

She went inside the shop and sold the ring.

—

The sun was setting by the time she left the shop, her hand bare, her pocket heavy with a little purse of coins. The markets were already closing; there wasn’t really anything left for her to do except go back to the inn.

Except she knew that if she did that, she’d get herself a drink. And because she’d only woken up a few hours ago, she’d keep getting herself drinks. And by the next day she might easily burn through a significant portion of the last few coins she had to her name.

So instead she wandered the city. As long as she kept putting one foot in front of the other—she would be alright.

Only she wouldn’t be. She had nothing to live on, no skills to peddle. Nobody was hiring mages, nor castle administrators. And who would want a willowy female soldier who needed magic to wield a blade at all effectively? She didn't know how to weave or spin or farm or smith; outside the walls she had ensconced herself in, she was useless.

What was she going to do? What was she going to do?

The sun had fully set by now. Her feet hurt; the shoes she’d bought to replace her ruined pair were cheap and unlikely to last long. Once she’d walked across all of Ferelden, but she’d had good leather boots to do it in. Those were boots that would have lasted a lifetime, and they were back at Vigil's Keep. She wouldn’t be seeing those again.

She could not stop looking at her left hand, bare for the first time in years. It felt perversely light without her. ( Nothing. It had meant nothing .)

A red lantern glowed at the end of the street, and she realized where she was—the brothel. It was called the Lady’s Grace, an awfully pretty name for a place with such sticky floors. After the one time she’d paid it a visit, she had avoided this part of town, acid shame in the pit of her stomach anytime she strayed too near.

But now the glowing red light was as a lighthouse to a storm-tossed ship. There! She could go there—and beg for a place. Girls in these places were well-provided for—food, shelter, enough money to keep drinking. The work would be easy—it was just sex. And unlike the others, if she caught something, or fell pregnant, that was an easy fix. She had abandoned magic, but magic wasn’t something you could forget—she would keep it secret, use it only when necessary. Yes, she could do that.

Eagerly, she reached for the handle of the front door, bathed in the red light—and hesitated.

Was she really going to do this?

She could easily imagine it. She would disappear into the Lady’s Grace, and come out only rarely if at all. There she would be comfortable as she wiled away the years, and slowly in the perfumes and the pillows, she would forget. Someday she would be old, and still she would stay, be the madame. She’d run a castle, once, an army. How hard could a brothel be? It wouldn’t be so bad a life. At least she’d have a more comfortable bed.

But still she hesitated.

She looked at her bare hand again.

Yvanne Amell had been somebody’s wife, so it had been intolerably painful for her to be Yvanne Amell. Better by an ale-soaked gutter rat than be Yvanne Amell. But now Yvanne Amell wasn’t anybody’s wife. The only proof that she’d ever been anybody's wife was gone now.

Perhaps it was time to start being Yvanne Amell again.

She thought of all these rumors she had heard of Lord Amell of Kirkwall. If this Lord Amell was real...if he wasn’t a pretender...he might well be her cousin. Her father, her mother, her sisters, all of them were beyond her reach. Not so her maybe-cousin.

Drawing back from the brothel door, she headed to the docks. Her fingers closed around her last few coins. Would it be enough for passage? Perhaps not—perhaps she would have to beg, or steal, but either way, her mind was made up.

Yvanne would make for Kirkwall.

#dragon age #dragon age: awakening #dragon age: origins #femslash #amell #surana #please read my wizard lesbian fanfiction

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dabistits · 4 years

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thank you for your answer! i think my most pressing question is at what point am i trying to salvage a bigoted mess that isn't worth "promoting" by creating AUs for it. if a piece of media has potential but the author is too much of a centrist to ever fully realize it and ends up promoting a lot of things i really disagree with, is it fair for me to create different scenarios and tell other people "yeah, this piece of media is a bad take but it could have been like this instead"

I know tumblr makes a big deal out of no-platforming certain creations and creators, and this is a legitimate strategy and one that I agree should be applied at the very least, no exception, to TERFs and fascists and people who are legitimately bigoted. I think there’s a strong argument to be made for no-platforming certain exploitative creations, such as KS, and exploitative fanworks.

But.

1) for all the mess that BNHA is, I don’t think it’s equivalent to KS, and

2) what is “promotion,” even, really?

“Promotion,” when it comes to these discussions, I think usually refers to introducing a creator or creation to someone who didn’t know about them in the first place. This is actively dangerous when it comes to bigotry, and it’s part of TERF and fascist strategy to post ‘reasonable’ ideas (ex: about feminism) or innocent-sounding memes in hopes of drawing the ‘uninitiated’ back to their blogs or forums to ‘convert’ them (as an aside: I think pro-fetishizing fandom types do this as well, to be honest, and they do it by portraying their concerns as ones of free speech or misogyny so that people who aren’t aware of the root of the issue are easily led into agreeing with them). On this basis, people who have bigoted opinions should be no-platformed so their ideas can’t be spread.

I don’t think fandom participation is this insidious though. People make fanwork because they transparently enjoy a canon, not because they’re necessarily trying to insidiously “promote” it. Of course, there’s still a snowball effect where the more people are talking about a canon, the more buzz it gets, and the more people check it out, which makes buzz an important thing for small or new canons (but rarely is this contingent on one person only, and especially not if that person only has a small following). With BNHA specifically? It’s already huge. One person doing anything for it is a snowflake in a blizzard, and if anyone is checking out your fanart or fanfic, it’s incredibly likely that they’ve already heard about or are already into BNHA. Is it really fair to yourself to, uh, think about writing AU fanfic as you proselytizing to non-BNHA fans somehow, rather than you seeing better ways to do BNHA and sharing it with other fans? Rather than you writing something for the sake of your own catharsis?

As I said in my previous answer, there are still a lot of ways for you to decide how you participate. When I mentioned “AUs and dumb headcanons,” it was really just a group of my friends on a fairly insular forum and group chat, fairly self-contained. Even though we were fans of a ‘problematic’ canon, I wasn’t all that worried about “promoting” it, because it was a small group of people who I trusted could be respectful and critical, and other than that, we were just doing our own thing, having pretty much zero impact on anyone outside of us. You could say that liking this canon means we have questionable tastes (and that’s fair lol), but it’d be pretty hard to argue that we were promoting it, rather than just... adapting the canon into something we could semi-privately enjoy together.

Now, I’m running a BNHA blog with a few hundred followers. I guess that could count as "promoting” BNHA (though most of the people who found me were already BNHA fans in the first place), but I’m personally quite comfortable with that. I like to think, and I hope lol, that even though I’m giving BNHA a platform, I’m also giving platform to myself and my critiques. I’m unlikely to prevent people from reading BNHA by deleting this blog, but by continuing to run it I’m much more likely to engage people to think critically about the way the narrative treats issues like sexual assault, and abuse, and criminality. I hope I don’t reach the point where I’m hate-blogging about BNHA, but at this specific point in time, I’m happy with talking about the things I like and hope for, in addition to the places where I think it fucks up.

That’s all to say that you really do have options. If you can’t stand to think that you’re “promoting” it? Maybe just talk about it with a group of friends or a server, rather than posting about it. If you want to post about it, but don’t want to feel like you’re ‘justifying’ it? Maybe reblog more critical posts, or write your own.

While I agree with many of the posts on tumblr that say we should probably distance ourselves from some creators and creations—and the worse their issues are, the more all-consuming their issues are, the more relevant this position is—I also think there’s some leeway for people to say “this canon is bad, and I acknowledge its flaws, but there are parts of it I still really like.” Yes, while liking certain creators and creations will make you highly questionable and untrustworthy, we also have to resist the temptation to inextricably link our morals to our consumption (I mean this both about media consumption and the consumption of material goods), because “there’s no ethical consumption, etc.” and also because there’s no work without flaws. Being hypercritical toward ourselves for having imperfect tastes in an imperfect society will just make us obsessive with hypervigilance, tirelessly questioning ourselves and our motives like we’re waiting for ourselves to fuck up, and that’s not a healthy way to treat our own being.

(If you read the above and were like, “no, I’m capable of enjoying things without overinvesting in the perfection of its morals, there’s just something about BNHA that ticks me off,” then, good, it doesn’t apply to you. I thought I’d mention it in case this is a recurring issue.)

The final thing I have to reiterate is: if you’re grasping for reasons to stay, and ways to interact with BNHA that don’t impinge on your values, then this is my insight. If you’re grasping for reasons to go, then go! You don’t need my permission nor my insight to say “this canon makes me so uncomfortable that I don’t think I can interact with it happily anymore.” If you think leaving BNHA behind is for the better for yourself, if it will give you more peace of mind to do so, then you probably already know your decision.

#ask

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

Text

674.

have you ever violated school dress code? >> I wasn’t allowed to wear anything that would have violated any school dress codes, so I have no idea how that would have ever happened.

if you are listening to music, is the singer male / female? >> I’m not listening to music.

what [ if anything ] do you give up for Lent? >> I don’t observe Lent.

what phrase leads your mind directly to the gutter? >> I mean, I can’t think of any on command, but there are plenty I come across online and stuff that make me snicker. I just like wordplay, tbh.

when you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? >> I mean, it’s mostly Can Calah who gives the impassioned arguments in defense of not giving up. I just listen and gripe and wait for his infallible logic to work its magic.

what are your opinions on immigration? >> I don’t have a blanket opinion on immigration. I have no personal issue with individual immigrants, no matter their story. They’re just people to me, who want the same things I want -- to survive, to have their needs met, to make a better life.

would you tell an actual immigrant your views? >> Of course I would, if they were unsure where they stood with me.

what was the subject of the last list you made? >> I don’t remember the last time I made a list.

do you ever get nervous before interviews / important meetings? >> I mean, I would if that was a thing that occurred in my life.

who pays for the majority of your belongings? >> It’s pretty evenly split between me and Sparrow.

would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? >> Of course...?

what is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? >> I mean... that depends on many factors, including what the outfit is for and how much money I have.

is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? >> ---

when was the last time you were embarrassed in public? >> I don’t remember.

have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? >> I mean, maybe a long time ago. Doubtful, though.

the importance of education, rate it from 1-10, 10 as most important? explain your choice to rate it as such? >> I rank formal education rather low on my personal importance scale, but I rank informal, interest-based learning very high on my personal importance scale. I love to learn, but I don’t operate well in school settings and actually end up learning less in those settings.

what is the coolest science experiment you've ever done? >> I haven’t done any cool science experiments. :(

are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? >> No.

how do you deal with a fight between yourself and a friend? >> I don’t know how to deal with that kind of thing anymore.

when you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? >> I haven’t been in this situation in a long time, I don’t know.

have you ever played around with "dry ice"? >> No.

do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? >> Of course they are, if we’re talking literal children (not teenagers). It takes some time for a small human to develop the sense of independent reasoning and reckoning of consequence that would allow them to take full responsibility for their actions.

how do you, personally, define music? >> I never really thought about it, it’s one of those concepts where I basically take my understanding of it for granted.

should the military draft take both men AND women? why / why not? >> That’s not a debate I’m willing to get into. I want nothing to do with a draft and I ideally wouldn’t want anyone else to have to deal with getting drafted, actually.

when was the last time that you corrected someone? >> I don’t remember. It was probably something really minor and not a big deal for either party. --Oh yeah I remember now, it was about why Bourbon Street is named Bourbon Street.

when was the last time you were corrected? >> It was also probably about something minor and nbd. I think the last time might have been when I misspelled “Lolth” because believe it or not, I’ve been doing that since 2009. I always misspell it “Lloth”, it’s just what happens.

when did you last say " i told you so "? >> I don’t remember. I try to avoid saying that unless it’s about something funny/silly.

is there any celebrity you like to " keep up with "? >> Not especially. I mean, there are definitely actors and directors that I pay attention to more than others when they get involved in new things, but I always forget to like, keep regular tabs on them or whatever.

celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? >> Boo.

what is the most life-changing book you have read? >> I couldn’t say. A lot of books I’ve read have had a significant impact on me in some way.

have you had a negative impact on anyone's life? >> Sure.

has anyone had a negative impact on yours? who / why? >> Absolutely. I’m not going to elaborate, the negative impact that others have had on me is both 1) way too lengthy and sensitive to elaborate on and 2) not worth dwelling on right now when I just want to chill and take a survey.

what does marriage mean to you, specifically? >> It means legal recognition of our partnership, which is necessary for things like, say, being each other’s advocates in a medical emergency.

how will you know when you are ready to get married? >> I didn’t bother fretting over whether I was “ready” or not. We’d been living together for a couple of years by the time the topic even came up, it didn’t seem like a weird next step to make.

how much time have you spent contemplating your own death? >> Way more time than is logical, probably.

is there a joke that you just can't stand? >> I mean, probably. There are a lot of insensitive jokes out there.

have you ever read any self-help books? >> Yeah.

what's your take on the obesity problem in america? >> I don’t have a take on it. You know what I do have a take on? The constant social pressure to be thin, and the resultant contagious obsessions with eating the “right” foods, compulsive exercising, and worrying about a number on a scale. Being fat, of all things, shouldn’t be this dramatically frightening or repulsive to people, but that’s what we’re made to believe, and that’s the message we’re all internalising on a daily basis. I’m fucking tired of it. I got enough problems.

what is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? >> I don’t think I’ve ever flipped that hard on anything. There are things I’ve liked casually that I ended up not caring about later on, but nothing that I loved that I started hating later. I might shift from being obsessed with something to just being chill about it, but that’s it.

what is something you used to dislike, but now like? >> I disliked Metallica as a child.

when ( if ) you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? >> I don’t plan on being a parent, but how I treat children in general is almost directly in contrast to how I was treated as a child. I treat them with respect, I listen to what they have to say, I let them feel their feelings, I show interest in their interests, etc.

do you equate spanking with physical abuse? would you spank a child? >> Let’s just say that I did not ever feel loved or respected when I was spanked. I felt terrified and shameful and being left alone to self-soothe afterwards with no real understanding of why I was being punished so harshly definitely didn’t help. I don’t feel like my understanding of right and wrong was healthily developed by corporal punishment. I don’t see any benefit to it, but I see a lot of harm. So, no. I would not spank a child.

what's the most ridiculous thing you've done this week? >> I have no idea. I don’t think I’ve done anything especially ridiculous?

--- did you regret it / love it / hate it / want to do it again / etc? >> ---

is emotional cheating ( in a relationship ) as bad as physically cheating? >> I have no opinion on this, it’s irrelevant to my life.

if your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? >> ---

when you look at the sunset, what do you think about / feel? >> I mean, it all depends, don’t it? I don’t have the exact same thought every time I look at something.

is there someone you wish you could trust / you wish was trustworthy? >> No. I just wish I didn’t have such overdeveloped trust issues.

is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? who / why? >> Well, yeah, and those people are, therefore, no longer in my life.

how has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? >> I’m not sure, I haven’t really kept track.

have you ever walked out of a boring movie ( in theaters )? >> No. I did want to walk out of Infinity War, though. Not because it was boring, but because it was pissing me off. (Also, that was back when Anthony was still around, and he wanted to walk out too.)

how open are you with people you know online? >> It depends on how I know them, what we have in common, how long I’ve known them and to what degree, etc.

what do you think of athletes that take steroids? >> I don’t think about that.

if a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to effect how you view him/her & his/her work? >> Not really. I barely notice when scandals like that happen, anyway. It also seems like most scandals are just sensationalised overhyped nonsense to get people talking about whoever it is, for publicity, and has nothing to do with, like, the merits of the performer’s art or whatever.

what is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? >> ---

what is one fashion trend that you hope makes a comeback? >> ---

what is one that you wish would just die out already? >> ---

have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol / drugs? >> I don’t drive, period.

are you overly attached to your material possessions? >> No. I can be a bit under-attached, in fact. I’ll throw a thing away in a heartbeat. (This doesn’t apply to like, electronics, or any other expensive thing that I use on a constant basis. But like, t-shirts, books, toys, novelty items, other shit that ends up just taking up space and collecting dust? Bye.)

have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? >> Not since I was a teenager, most likely.

living in poverty: what do you think it'd be like? >> I... I have lived in poverty. Poverty is my default state of existence. I don’t really know what to tell you about “what it’s like”. What’s it like to not be poor?

what is one " diet " that you think is just utterly worthless? >> All of them are worthless to me.

what advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body / appearance? >> I wouldn’t give them advice. Advice is what the entire world is going to try to give them. I’d imagine they’d be tired of advice (unless they’re specifically asking me for it, I guess). But I’ll always have a “mood” or “I know that feel” to offer, because... yeah. Same. The shit sucks and there’s no easy way out of it.

what advice would you give someone about to start high school? >> I don’t even want to think about that phase of life, I’ll pass.

what foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? >> *shrug*

what foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? >> I mean, I don’t know. USian attitudes towards and assumptions about a lot of countries are... misinformed at best.

have you ever felt entirely unwanted and alone? >> Yeah.

in your eyes, which is worse: rape or murder? >> Nope, don’t care.

do you understand / read shakespeare? >> I have never been able to grok Shakespeare, and I’m not interested enough to keep trying.

would you feel comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? >> Most likely not. Luckily, that’s not likely to happen.

do you know anyone that lives in a foreign country? >> I mean, yeah, I use the internet.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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