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#or your mutuals/friends you have outside of Skype!

chronicparagon · 2 years

Note

💻 — how many friends have you made in the rpc? feel free to tag a few of them!

[I made a lot of friends here! Some I met in real life or see on social media outside Tumblr. I would love to tag as many as possible. If I missed anyone, please let me know via im or ask. I included people I have known for some time or met irl but I want to include everyone who wants to be mentioned.]

One friend would include you. I actually spent a week with you and had a lot of fun. The trip to the zoo and playing video games together were my faves. We go to each other Animal Crossing islands too and I love seeing the improvements on yours.

@theamazingchickenman - I visited him twice and he is always fun to hang out with. I had a blast at the arcade with him and my sister, dinner at the rainforest cafe, and the aquarium. We also went to a zoo and witnessed the porb (puffin orb). I always have fun when I see CM-mun! He’s a wonderful friend.

@the-expatriate - I known the Mun as far back as my FF7 rp days. I love seeing updates about her and her cat. My hope os one day, we will meet.

@quantumseraph-blog - It’s been a very long time since I heard from them. But I miss them a lot. We met a few years ago, even went through a haunted house together. I still think about them and that adventure. I hope they are doing well.

@pinklocksoflove - We often talk on Discord. I would love to talk more but things have been a bit hectic on my end. However, I appreciate the pictures of their muses and cats that they send. I think Karine is adorable too.

@sunflower-dancing - We sometimes talk but I consider the mun as a lovely friend. I like their portrayal of Saphir and their OC’s are wonderful!

@skullboysfinale - Another great multi-muse rp blog! The mun is someone I enjoy talking and plotting with and look forward to their updates on their muses!

@makoheadrush - one of my first rp partners here. She inspired me to try fanfic writing which I still do from time to time. I see her on other social media platforms and I love seeing updates about her trips, pets, and cooking.

@lickmyemr - Another friend who I met in FF7 rp. I miss her but I still see her on other platforms more and I’m glad she is doing well.

@tredispade - I known the mun for a few years now since I used to rp only FF7. I moved on to expand to other rpcs focusing on horror rp but I am always open to writing with them and catching up when give the chance.

@shutupreno - Known them for years. We used to send each other stuff from time to time. I still have their post cards and the French coin they got in their trip to Europe. I pinned the cards to my board in my room along with the cards from friends and family and tickets, one of my omamoris, and stuff from my travels. I keep the coin at my workstation. I think of it as a good luck charm. It’s special to me because they thought of me by sending it.

@mybikeasmypride - It’s been a long time since I heard from them, but I miss them. They’ve been a good friend. We got pretty close and talked on Skype several years ago. I still have the woodblock burning that’s a picture of Reno and the scarf they made. Sometimes, I wear it when it’s cold out.

@myfreespirit23 - I write and talk with them on and off Tumblr. I love seeing their muses like Joe and the story we created for them. I hope to talk with the mun more soon and write with them more!

@beloved-death - I’m grateful for Val! They have a great multi-muse blog with Mason being my favorite. I enjoy talking with Val, too. I think we followed each other for several years now but it was around last year when we got closer, which I am happy for!

@whispers-in-daydreams - I met her through two mutual friends, Rene and Blair. I’m glad I crossed paths with her because she is an amazing writer and friend. We share picture of our cats and updates while also writing threads and reply to ic asks. She is lovely and so are her muses!

@s-talking - Blair is someone I look up to as a writer, artist, and friend. He’s a dear friend of mine and I love his muses like Envy. I write more horror and dark romance because he and Rene are big inspirations. I always love seeing his ferrets and we share a love for animals. I always wish the best for him and I hope we will be friend for a long time.

@spectralhunter - Rene is a great person! I love his muses and I’m always happy to see him on my dash. His muses are becoming stronger characters and I love his ideas like with Takumi and his pet rat, Hunter. I’m working on fanart for Hunter (and Mrs. Saebom) and plan to finish those soon.

All in all, I always look forward to seeing him when I get the chance.

#rubbarband #answered #thank you!!#ooc

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the-lincyclopedia · 1 year

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I’ve gotten quite a few fic comments in the past two days, and I had the thought, I am so lucky. And that’s true. I am, in a lot of ways, including in fandom friendships. I have a lot of good friends in fandom, and I know that’s not something that can be earned or that should be taken for granted.

But it’s not all luck. I also have some skills around developing fandom friendships, and since we’re largely a bunch of neurodivergent folks over here in fandom, I thought it might be worth spelling some things out in case other people are wondering how to make more fandom friends, since direct instructions can be helpful.

Right off the bat, obviously, don’t be an asshole. Tell people nice things about their fics, and don’t tell them mean things about their fics (or mean things in general). If you eventually get to the point where someone has asked you to be their beta, you can give constructive criticism at that point, though it’s still important to be kind. It goes against fandom norms to give criticism, even criticism meant constructively, outside of beta relationships. If you didn’t know that before, well, now you do.

But beyond not being an asshole, here’s what I typically do: I comment a lot on other people’s fic. I probably comment on over 75% of the fics I read. Commenting is my default reader state, and I only don’t comment if I truly can’t think of anything nice to say (either because I didn’t like the fic or because I’m having trouble phrasing the thing I liked in a way that sounds good). Whenever possible, I quote-comment, meaning I use the lines I liked from the fic in the comment and basically live-react at the writer through my reading process. I try to comment on every chapter of multi-chapter fics I read.

After I’ve commented on multiple of someone’s fics, if I’m really enjoying myself, I might try to find the writer on Tumblr. I don’t mean trying to stalk them and find a non-fandom blog, obviously; I just mean looking up their AO3 username on Tumblr and seeing if they pop up. If they do, I might DM them and say how much I’ve been enjoying their fics, or how much I appreciate their characterization of a certain character, or make a fandom-related reference.

From there, sometimes people respond. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we don’t seem to have much to talk about. But sometimes we hit it off. If it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, I don’t push it, but if the other person also seems to be having a good time and is responding enthusiastically and/or initiating some of the time, I keep talking to them.

Note: I am less likely to try to talk to people who are clearly Big Name Fans, whatever that means in a certain fandom. I don’t show up and immediately try to catch the attention of people who surely have tons of people vying for their attention. And people who get less engagement are more likely to really appreciate having one new really enthusiastic supporter, anyway.

There comes a point in some online friendships where it’s okay to ask to exchange numbers/talk on the phone/Skype/etc. That point comes at different times in different friendships, and it may never come at all in plenty of them, and that’s all right. It’s nice to offer your information rather than asking for someone else’s (a tip I picked up in autism support groups), and you should definitely make sure the other person feels like they can say no, they’d rather not give you their number, or whatever.

It’s important to know going into this that sometimes fandom admiration isn’t mutual. Some people whose work you enjoy may not enjoy your work, and you need to be okay with that. Some people also won’t want to be your friend, and you need to be okay with that, too. This isn’t a manual on how to make everyone like you. But I do think that this way of interacting in fandom has helped me make a higher-than-average number of fandom friends.

This is not to say you have to follow all this advice or that there is One Right Way to engage in fandom. You’re not obligated to comment on anything or DM anyone, and I can’t guarantee any results even if you do. But if you’re wondering how to make more friends in fandom, being enthusiastic and complimentary (when you can do so genuinely) is a decent thing to try.

#a lin original #fandom life #fandom stuff #online friends

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haialliecat · 7 months

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Playlist review 09/18/23

First song:

I remember when this album came out and we both loved it. I know when I listen to this band- among others I think if you so I find it really interesting that you chose this one. I wonder if you’re reading my blog posts and why you won’t contact me but I’m grateful to have music to connect to you with. This song gives me the impression that you want to be with me and that you’re scared I either don’t feel the same way or something in your heart makes you feel unworthy of being with me. I too have these same fears. I also have the desire to be with you. We’ve always had a special connection that’s honestly inexplicable. I love you so much and I miss you so terribly. I really wish you would reach out. I understand that’s hard for you. I don’t expect things to just be all rainbows and kittens (pun intended) but I do really want to be friends again and be in each other’s lives.

Song 2:

You think about me a lot almost always I’m always running through your brain and you are mine. I’m constantly going over our conversations and looking at pictures of you wishing that I’d taken more if I knew that would be our last interaction for awhile.. I still have things you’ve given me and I keep them close to my heart. I feel as if you maybe want to do things with me and think of me not only in a romantic way but also in a sexual way. The feelings mutual.

Song 3:

Yes, my heart belongs to you. I’ve stated before that I’m single and celibate at least until 27 and that’s a promise that I’ve been keeping. Honestly after this awakening I know that you’re the only one for me. I know that we are Twinflames and we want to be together. I know we do.. so why aren’t we? Why don’t you reach out to me? You know I would you but you have me blocked on everything. I even went as far as messaging you on a Skype I’m pretty sure you don’t even use anymore.. Of course I’m yours, and I’m sorry it took me so long to see that.

Song 4:

You’re confused on what I want whether it’s friendship or a relationship or something in between and honestly my answer is I don’t care. I obviously have a preference and that is a relationship something really cringe like a wedding and a child happily ever after soul searching parters but I’d gladly just be your friend. Although it would be hard at first. & the temptation is very strong with you and I together. However, I respect you enough to respect your boundaries and relationships outside of me.

Song 5

Haha, this song always makes me laugh because it’s very true when I was first awakened to this connection I could only communicate with you when I was high. & honestly it still helps it helps me shut out the world and tap into our Twinflame connection. Also I think I scared you with this sudden burst of “hey we can communicate through telepathic channels and that is apparent in our music” actually I had a weird inclination to your music and and first it was very unrefined and a bit jumbled but the more I tap into it the stronger it is

Song 6

We’ll be together and have our union. I made the wrong choice after our last interaction by jumping into a relationship with another karmic of mine and I think that really hurt our chances. I know I messed up. I guess I was just thinking that it would never happen so I tried to be with someone else but my heart wasn’t in it. Honestly I feel like you’re in a karmic relationship right now and that you’re learning lessons from that. Which is good, but it hurts my heart to know you’re with someone else.

Song 7

You will return to me and we will reunite. It will be everything I’ve ever dreamed. You’re reassuring me that our love is endless and even while you’re with someone else you’re thinking of me. You feel a bit trapped in your current situation and honestly so do I. If I could talk to you I know we could figure something out. This being able to communicate in the 5D but not the 3D makes me feel like I’m crazy sometimes. I’m sure you’re aware of this connection we share. Not sure you know it’s a Twinflame connection but you’ve always felt some powerful force between us and you and I both long to have that back. I miss you so much. I just wish you’d unblock me..

Song 8

This one kinda hurts but I understand it speaks to me telling you all the time I wanted to be with you but then just dating other people and then coming back to you and repeating the cycle. I’m sorry that I hurt you and that although you always played it so cool I see now how hurtful it is to express your love to someone just to end up with someone else. It must’ve gotten annoying having to deal with me and still being there for me when I wasn’t for you. I’m extremely grateful for you and incredibly sorry for what I put you through.

Song 9

Yeah same thing here - which again I can see that my actions hurt you. I understand your doubt in me. It hurts, like a lot it hurts so bad that I cry to myself at night sometimes just wishing I could go back and make better choices. Unfortunately the past is unchanging and all I can do is do better in the future so if you need me to prove my loyalty to you like I said I’ll stay single and celibate until I’m 27 and we can revisit the topic after that. Hopefully we see each other or at least talk before that though.

Song 10

I’m in a weird situation and I’m kinda in a sticky place where I have a child and I’m living with my daughters dad which complicates things. I’m trying to find a balance in just being friends and co-parents. Obviously he’ll always be in my life especially having a kid together. We have really deep conversations through the 5D but usually at night and again usually high so the morning after it’s hard to remember and retain the information shared. Which again makes me extremely grateful to have music with you. I find that writing helps me.

Song 11

Thinking about how we can make this work. Or how we can talk without prying eyes and ears. There’s also a bitterness about it like a “you’re not used to rejection and I like it” sort of vibe to it.

Song 12

Honestly I believe you fear this connection and that being with me is just a temptation thing that you’re being tested with. Tell me then why you’ve been in love with me since 15 and I you. Your fears are valid but don’t let them rule you and keep you from this amazing thing the universe is trying to do for us. I also think you think that I’m doing witchcraft on you putting love spells on you or some shit and I’m really not. Also any magick I do is purely consensual so you have nothing to fear. I did want to give you a abundance spell to help you financially and spiritually. I did not.

Song 13

You dream about me, kissing me, holding me. Among other things you dream of seeing me in places and situations. You think about or times together and all the joy and peace you felt from going out to fun places to just sitting at home and watching tv together. You’re convinced you’ll never be that happy with anyone again. Almost like you’re trying to prove yourself wrong by being with someone else.

Song 14

You see me and things that remind you of me come to your mind you see my name and initials in license plates. Angel numbers, bugs, animals you smell me and when you listen to certain songs I come to mind. You really left a whole ass life behind just to try to rid yourself of me. I’m dealing with that same thing. So I know what it feels like when I’m trying to keep myself busy and stay focused on myself but you’re always floating around my mind. I saw you as someone bringing pizza and someone who handed me crystals and a cauldron I bought online. I still know the address just in case that really was you.

Song 15

It’s hard to communicate this way because songs are not specifically created for us obviously. But what I get from this is that you feel this connection and have been listening and understanding these signs around you. However, you’re playing it cautiously. Again I’d say out of fear but you’ve always been a pretty woke person and you know that we’ve been in love before in other lives. It’s been you and I think it’s wild that someone can receive this sort of love at such a young age and not expect to fuck it up.

Song 16

Oooo this one hurts my heart this one is like “do what you like but not with me” and that just cuts but also I’m pretty sure that’s intentional like you’re wanting me to experience this longing hurt that I put you through and it’s valid but damn does it ever suck. Good song though that ooooo ya ya yaaa part really grooves. This I moved your chair thing though like Damnnn that’s harsh.. I understand what you mean though and that’s the spot of girlfriend/wife is taken and I can’t sit there anymore.. not saying I’ll never sit there just not right now.. I wish you’d break up with your girlfriend not for me.. but because I can sense you’re not happy and that you’re hiding parts of yourself.

Song 17

Just enjoy your life and be happy. I love you and want you to be happy and know love and surround yourself with it. Our past still pops up as much as you’ve tried to push it down. Our connection is undeniable yet here you are still not reaching out and that really sucks. You are focusing on you and I think that’s amazing I’m trying to do the same.. but sometimes it’s hard you say it’s an easy flight but there’s nothing easy about this. I miss your eyes. 4/5 because you’re missing in my life.

Song 18

You have tons of dreams and ambitions a lot that you keep hidden and you know that being with me I could make all your dreams come true. Our love is so powerful and we raise each other’s vibrations to an unparalleled level. You’re just going through life trying to advance in every way you can so that you feel you’re good enough for such a love. You’ve always been worth it. Nothing you can do or say will make me love you any less or more. Probably compare yourself to my exes and think I’d do the same which is why you keep your girlfriend very hidden from me. You didn’t even mention her until later..

Song 19

Saying you promised you’d do what you wouldn’t do and that’s block me and cut me off like you said you wouldn’t do and that maybe our feelings got too deep or scary for you. You want to be sure that I’m your Twinflame and I’m not sure how else I can prove it to you. I’m really trying my best without crossing boundaries. You’re afraid to leave your relationship because you don’t know how. You don’t want to be alone and you’re not sure that I’ll be there because I wasn’t before. All I’m doing now is waiting for you and trying to fill me time with things that bring me joy and fulfillment.

Song 20

For someone who knows this kind of connection well I sure fucked up and have nobody to blame but myself. You’re hopeful that this isn’t just a delusion or that you’re going crazy and honestly music helps with that. Making playlists help with that. But there’s still a shred of doubt holding you back. You’re staying in hiding. I wish you’d come out and talk to me. I know you and your girlfriend share a phone and it’s hard but maybe you could use a friends phone or coworkers? Just something to know that you feel the same way I do. I try to hold onto messages through songs but sometimes it’s hard. Traces of you linger in places you’ve never been all around me.

Song 21

This unknown is really bothersome, again I think you like that I think you like giving me a taste of my own medicine and I can understand that. Still I know you feel it too and I know that time is precious and the sooner you reach out the sooner we can be together and the sooner we’re together the more time we’ll have together. Cmon cmon cmon.. before the moments gone. I would chase you if I could but I can’t you literally have me blocked and I don’t even know where you live or what city you’re in. I need you to reach out to me. I need you to choose me like I’m choosing you.

#love #heartbreak #romance #vibrationalhealing #relationship #twin flame #fuck

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beomcoups · 3 years

Text

I’m Sorry

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: idol!Jaehyun (NCT) x femme reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, smut, fluff, loves to exes au, idol au

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: R(18+)

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: heavy emotions, small drinking, kissing, fingering, oral (f.receiving), missionary, Jaehyun hits it from the back, choking, nipple play, slight nail digging into skin.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 2.5k

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: It’s been months since you and Jaehyun have broken up and you thought you would be okay, until he asked you to come over.

You know you shouldn’t be here, standing outside his door. You two are no good to each other, you fight more than you make up, and you’ve both been hurt so many times; yet, when he called, you came running.

You’ve been broken up with Jaehyun for months, your last fight so brutal that you vowed to never see each other again. It worked for a while, distracting yourself with work and blocking him from all social media. You felt strong and confident that you could get through this and that you can move on from him. But then you saw him on your friend’s Facebook page at dinner, his handsome dimpled face catching you off guard as you watched your mutual friend celebrate their birthday. It angered you, seeing him happy and without a carefree in the world while you had to pull yourself together and go through life without him.

Yet, as mad as you were, the happy memories you two shared flooded your mind, and your heart sank from the loneliness you had to bear and the feelings you have from missing him. When you think of Jaehyun, you get emotional, almost sick even; the love you have for him is greater than anything you experienced. He wasn’t your first love, your first kiss or your first sexual experience, but meeting him on that sunny afternoon on the beach changed your life. He understood your fears and your innermost thoughts and had a way of speaking that calmed your restless soul. Jaehyun has a wicked sense of humor and a kindness that melted your heart beyond words. He took you on spontaneous dates and would buy you flowers because he knew you loved them. His impeccable features and his sex drive were only pluses in the relationship that made you feel like he was the one; that you could be with him forever.

But his duties as an idol started to keep him away, and you knew that being with him came with that risk. You thought you could handle it, not being able to see him for weeks at a time and sometimes months if he was out of the country. The facetime and skype calls lasted for a while until those slowly started to fade, and you were staring at your phone at night, wondering when he would call. It didn’t help see him on tv, flirting with other women and showing off his charms that made you fall in love with him. You saw red when you saw him escort that famous actress to their premiere with his hand on her back. You have never been the jealous type, but seeing the man you love and have not seen in weeks with someone else set you ablaze. You pleaded with Jaehyun to carve out some time for you, even if it was just for an hour, but he always claimed he was too tired or busy. So you got fed up, marched over to his dorm unannounced and gave him a piece of your mind. He called you selfish and insecure, and that hurt you to the core. You screamed at him, throwing the promise ring he bought for you at his chest and broke up with him. You stormed out of the dorm, the members pretending that they didn’t hear anything, but you knew deep in your heart that they heard it all, and it just added more to your embarrassment.

As the months went by, you thought about that night often, what you could have done differently and if you would still take him back. So many nights, you held your phone in your hand, wanting to dial his number and make it alright. You hate him for letting you leave, but you love him just as much, so when he asked you to come over, it was a no brainer. So with a bit of liquid courage, you made your way to him, holding your breath all the way.

𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧’𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕

Seeing Y/N again after all these months was like a breath of fresh air. She walked into Jaehyun’s room, beautiful as ever, her hair down in all its shiny glory, her skin glowing like the yellow orb in the sky. She is wearing that oversized sweater he bought her when he came back from tour, with shorts that show off those legs he loved to be in between. She smiled at him as she came in, but behind those beautiful eyes held a sadness he knew because of him, and he would do anything to take it away. Jaehyun is hopelessly in love with her, and there is no him without her. Y/N keeps him sane and anchored when he feels like he is going out of control. She understands him better than anyone and takes care of him, nurturing him with her sweet words and kind actions. Jaehyun’s never been able to convey how much she truly means to him, and he regrets letting her go. Seeing her in front of him brings colors into his gray world, and he needs her.

“So,” she stands there, twiddling her fingers as she sits down on the bed. “How have you been?”

He rakes his fingers through his hair, unsure how he should answer. Jaehyun wants to be honest with Y/N and kiss her beautiful face, but his pride will not let him. Instead, he leans back against his desk and folds his arms, trying to keep his cool demeanor.

“I’ve been okay, I suppose,” he clears his throat.

There is awkward dead silence, and he would be a liar if he said his heart wasn’t jumping out of his chest. He’s never been good with expressing his feelings, and it took a lot of courage and convincing from his members to give Y/N a call.

“You know you miss her, man,” his member Johnny voice rings through his head. “Just call her. The worst thing she can say is to fuck off or not respond at all.”

“So what have you been up to?” Jaehyun questioned, attempting to break the ice.

“Nothing really,” she sighs. “Just work work work.”

The deafening silence comes back, and Jaehyun is panicking, unsure what to say next. He doesn’t want to push things too fast and scare her away but damn it, he wants to be with her.

“What am I doing here, Jaehyun?” Y/N interrogates him, catching him off guard. “If you called me here for small talk, we could have done this over the phone.”

“I didn’t invite you here for small talk,” Jaehyun swore, his eyes pleading with her.

“So why am I here-”

“I miss you,” he blurts out, his voice echoing in the walls. “I fucking miss you, and I want you back.”

Her eyes widen, shocked at Jaehyun’s revelation, and he continues to confess how he feels.

“I was a fucking idiot for letting you walk out that door,” he laments, taking a seat in his chair. “At the time, when we were fighting, I felt like I was suffocating. I had comeback schedules and movie premieres to go to, and I didn’t want to let you down, but I felt like I was being pulled in different directions from everyone. So when you yelled at me, I got frustrated and lashed out at you instead of listening. I’m sorry about that.”

Watching Y/N’s eyes well up with tears broke his heart, and he wanted to kiss her pain away and make her whole again. Jaehyun yearned for her, and he was not letting her go again.

“You called me selfish and insecure,” Y/N sniffled, wiping her tears with her sweater. “That really hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun gets up and softly grabs her hand, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said that. I was feeling like you were not hearing me and you yelling at me made me feel like I was backed into a corner.”

“So you couldn’t handle me expressing how I feel?” Y/N criticized him, taking her hand away from him. “You were barely talking to me, and to see you on tv and flirting with these women, it made me snap.”

“So that made it okay for you to barge into the dorm at 1am and scream at me?!” Jaehyun rebutted, staring deep into her eyes. “You embarrassed me and wouldn’t let me get a word in. You called me a coward and accused me of cheating on you. God Y/N, I would never do that to you. I love you and respect you too much to lose your trust like that.”

Y/N looks down, twiddling her fingers once more, tears falling down her cheeks. He moves closer to her, wiping more tears from her eyes and lifting up her chin.

“Do you still love me?”

Y/N looks at him, her eyes already telling it all before she could answer.

“Yes, Jae, I love you,” she confesses. “I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried.”

Jaehyun’s heart flutters at her soft words, and a wave of relief washes over him. It felt good to hear that she still loved him after all these months have passed, and caught up in the moment, he kisses her deeply.

“I’m sorry, he apologizes, giving her space. “I should have asked if that was okay.”

“It’s okay,” she says softly, gazing at him lovingly. “Kiss me again.”

(𝐘/𝐍’𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕)

Jaehyun kisses you, and it feels like home, like you finally found the missing piece to your puzzle of your soul. You give into him completely, sliding your hands underneath his shirt, feeling his toned abs before taking off his shirt. You pause to gauge his response, and he smiles, whispering that he loves you and that he’s sorry. You nod and kiss him again, allowing his hands to roam around your ass before giving it a tight squeeze.

“I missed you,” he breathes in between kisses.

“Did you?” you tease him, fumbling with the button on your shorts.

He undoes the button for you and slides your jean shorts off for you, laying you down on the bed as he climbs on top of you. He holds back for a moment, admiring your beauty before continuing his onslaught of kisses, trailing down to your neck. His cool hands slide up your sweater, unhooking the front of your bra and softly rubbing your mounds. You bite your lip in an attempt to hold back your moans, the electricity sparking from each touch.

“I’m never going to hurt you again,” he promises, lifting up your sweater and revealing your breasts.

He cups them and puts them in his mouth, sucking on each nipple tentatively and with such care. Your center is dripping, and you slide your hands down to your panties, softly rubbing yourself. He takes notice of your action and trails his kisses down your stomach, nipping you lightly until his face is in between your legs. He pulls your panties to the side, taking a long swipe of your sweet nectar before diving in.

“ Oh my god,” you moan, taking a fistful of his hair.

He ravages you, lavishing his tongue at your entrance and sucking on your clit, his nail dug dip into your hip. Your moans get increasingly louder, and he slides two fingers in you, your walls already convulsing around him.

“You gotta be quiet for me, baby, okay?” Jaehyun whispers, slowly thrusting in and out of you. “I don’t want everyone to hear us.”

You nod feverishly, covering your mouth as you fall into a euphoric state, being finger fucked by the love of your life. He returns his mouth to your clit, your legs buckling on impact, your hand pulling his hair tighter. You create a rhythm on his tongue, slow fucking his face until you feel yourself reaching your breaking point.

“Baby…” you moan, your stomach coiling. “I’m almost here.”

He suddenly removes his fingers out of you, shoving down his grey sweats and revealing his hard dick, eager to be inside of you. He lifts your leg up and slams into you, making you yelp from impact.

“It’s been way too long,” he groans, slow stroking your tight cunt.

Jaehyun allows you to get used to his size before increasing his pace, the lust in his eyes evident. Your hunger for him in insatiable, begging him to fuck you harder, not caring about the bed hitting the wall loud enough to wake everyone up. You lifted up your shirt and pinched your nipples, slapping them because you knew he liked that, and you like the slight pain from it.

“You are so sexy,” his breathless praise of you makes you hotter and want more of him.

He slides his hand on your throat, holding a firm grip as he continues to plunge deep inside of you. You try your best to cover your moans with your hand, but then your stomach coils, signaling your release. You tap his shoulder feverishly, and he pulls out and flips you over, taking you from behind.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he growls, slamming into you with such force you almost fall off the bed.

Jaehyun grips your hair tightly, skin slapping filling the walls in the room, and he fucks you into the mattress, releasing his feelings from missing you all into this moment. He tells you he loves you over and over, and you believe him, not wanting this moment to end. You grip the sheets tightly, warning him of the upcoming rapture that was ripping through you.

“Go ahead, baby,” he encourages you. “Cum for me.”

You scream his name in the sheets, your orgasm rushing through and all over him, your insides convulsing on his dick. He shudders and pulls out shortly after, emptying himself on your ass and giving it a small smack. You collapse on the bed, your legs sore and shaking, unable to move.

“That was…” you start to say.

“Amazing,” Jaehyun finishes your sentence, leaning over and kissing your sweaty forehead.

You both laugh in unison, and you slowly sit up, admiring the physique of the man you love.

“Hey Jae,” you call him softly, holding your hand out for him to take. “I don’t want to fight like that and be away from you that long ever again.”

He nods and smiles, giving you a deep kiss before pulling you into a hug.

“Me neither, baby,” he agrees. “These months without you have been hard. I felt like a piece of me was missing.”

You gaze up at him lovingly, placing a small kiss on his lips.

“It’s about time you two made up,” Johnny’s voice comes through the door. “He’s been miserable without you.”

Jaehyun sucks his teeth and throws a pillow at the door, his face red with embarrassment.

“It’s okay,” you giggle. “I’m not going anywhere.”

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heyitsmerose · 3 years

Text

Ateez reaction their s/o loving their scent (Maknae Line)

So for this imagine, to change it up a bit I decided to have it both ways, wherein they love your scent in some reactions, but you also love theirs in others. Thus, for the members that seem like they would openly tell you about your scent, the reactions have been written in that way. For the members that might not, I have written it so the reader loves their scent instead. Sorry that this is so confusing ahaha.

Also I probably sound so weird, I promise I’m not a weird person. Doesn’t everyone imagine what people smell like? no? just me? okay.

Word Count : 1.9k

Genre : Fluff

San:

You and San had just met. You recently got out of a toxic a few months ago, and promised yourself to stay away from any form of a relationship for as long as you could. To be honest, you didn’t even think you were capable of being in a stable relationship after your previous one. That was all until you met San. He made you feel loved and like the luckiest person in the world.

There was once where he had finally come to your house and you had told him to wait in your room, while you changed your cloths in to something more comfortable. He simply nodded, and without saying anything walked into your room. You simply looked down and turned the other direction. You were starting to feel insecure. You had finally brought who you thought was the love of your life, to your house, only for him to not utter a single word ever since he got here. You quickly changed, and went to make yourselves two mock-tails. You brought it to the room, with a smile on your face, offering him one, only for him to take it, mutter a soft thank you and then become quiet again. You sighed and sat on the bed, deciding to make the first move. You sat on the bed, and slowly tried moving towards him, only for him to notice and move further away. On the outside, you simply smiled and nodded, but on the inside you were broken. You were embarrassed and felt so guilty for putting him in that position. You muttered a quick apology and went back to your original position. For the next few hours, he just occasionally looked at you, not saying a word at all. You started doubting whether he genuinely liked you, and started feeling insecure, maybe he liked you at first, but lost interest.

All these thoughts, led to you spiralling down the same, dark chain of thoughts you had before you met San, and tears started to collect in your eyes. He didn’t notice at first, since you blinked and looked away, however as the tears kept flowing, he heard you sigh shakily. He instantly looked at you, only to find you with a hand over your mouth, trying to control the noises you made, with tears flowing out your eyes non-stop. His eyes immediately doubled in size and he called out to you.

“Y/n, Y/n, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” He gently said in the most soft tone ever.

“No, San” You said quite frankly. “I don’t know if it’s something I’ve done, but I just feel, I- I feel like you’re losing interest in me, and I’m sorry for forcing you to do things you don’t want to” You admitted honestly.

“No way! Y/n, what would make you think that?” He asked genuinely.

“You’ve been ignoring me the entire time here, what else am I supposed to think” You cried, raising your voice a little getting frustrated.

“No no no, that’s not what I meant” He stuttered realising his mistake.

“Y/n, it’s just that, I don’t know whats wrong with me, I’m just surrounded by things that smell like you. To be honest, your scent is so enchanting and I have a feeling the second I get close to you, I won’t be able to control myself, you are making me feel some type of way, and I can’t control it.” He said finally, and you were definitely not expecting it. You wiped your tears, feeling more empowered now. You simply crawled towards him, but he didn’t move an inch. You finally straddled him and kissed him deeply.

“Then, don’t control yourself”

Mingi:

You and Mingi were classmates, and a few of your friends knew he had a thing for you. You didn’t see him as anything more than a friend, but recently were starting to doubt your feelings. Even small moments when he was leaning against his locker, laughing with his friends made your heart flutter, and you didn’t know what was going on. You blushed whenever you made eye contact, and finally realised you had feelings for him too. Not wanting to embarrass yourself, if it wasn’t mutual, you just kept your feelings to yourself. You had science together, and because of your amazing luck, you were partnered up for a certain presentation. You worked on it thoroughly for the entire week in the library, and you noticed, some signs of him liking you too. For example, he tried staying close to you, and made eye contact more often. In fact, on Friday, when you were parting and going your own ways, he even pulled you into a hug, his face buried in your hair and whispered.

“See you on Monday” He patted your head, and then simply left. You were astonished to say the least but, just went home, even more confused.

Then Monday came, the day of your presentation. You were happy to get it finally over with, while Mingi, not so much. He looked quite on edge and nervous, you realised he must have been nervous for the presentation, so just pulled him into a tight hug.

“Yah, Mingi-yah! we can do this! Fighting!” You whispered only for him to hear, with a big smile on you face. He immediately held you tight, took a deep breath in, and let go of you.

“Let’s do this!” He said. It was safe to say, your presentation went really well. In fact, you got closer, more than friends for sure, and early on in your pre dating stage you realised he had a thing for the way you smelled, besides he hugged you and loved being near you, it was a little obvious. When you finally started dating, he openly told you.

“Y/N, you smell like absolute heaven, how? how- I- what have I done to deserve such an angel, you’re like an actual goddess” He finally admitted when you were hugging once. You just giggled, and now hugging had become your thing. You were never a moment together without hugging and loved being close to one another.

Wooyoung:

It was no surprise that Wooyoung loved the way you smelled. He always asked for items of your clothing when he went on tour so he could feel comfort, even when he was missing you like crazy. Initially, you found it a little weird, that he openly asked for your clothing, but then you realised how much it meant to him. In fact, being the talkative person he was, who would not shut up about how you smelled.

“Dudeee, my girl just sent me such a sexy pic, I already want to go homee” He heard one of his childhood friends say when they were on a boys trip once.

“For real, last night, we skyped and had the best time ever” He heard another one chime in, followed by a bunch of hollers and whistles. They then all turned to Wooyoung, expecting him to say something. Being one of the few people in their friend group, in a relationship, they expected him to tell them everything. Wooyoung just shrugged and muttered a quick “huh”

“Dude, did you do anything sneaky with your girl... Did you ask her to send you pics?” One of them finally spoke up.

“Oh... no, but I do have one of my hoodies I lent her recently. It smells just like her, and it reminds me of a garden of roses. I just love her so much and I miss her like crazy. It’s alright though, because I have the hoodie, and just smelling it reminds me of her heavenly scent.” He hummed at the end. All of his friends were quiet for a moment and then laughed and hollered.

“OUR LITTLE WOOYOUNG IS IN LOOOVEEE, HE’S FINALLY FOUND THE ONEEE” He heard them yell. They would never let this down.

When they all got back, you went to greet them. Only for them all to engulf you in a hug. Wooyoung shoved all of them out of the way, and buried himself in your embrace. You kissed Wooyoung’s chest and then looked at the others a little confused.

“Hey, guys? What’s going on?” You asked, quite confused. One of his friends quickly responded saying

“We just wanted to know if you smelled as good as he describe your smell”. You felt a little weirded out. But then they all laughed at your reaction.

“Don’t worry Y/n, Wooyoung would have yeeted us to another planet, before we would have even gotten the opportunity to...” You looked back up at Wooyoung only for him to pull you back into a hug.

“Where’s the lie in that? You smell like heaven.” He said, nipping your neck.

Jongho:

It was a normal evening for you and Jongho, and you were both cuddled up on the couch simply talking and just enjoying your time together. To be honest, Jongho, to an extent was aware of how crazy his scent made you, you felt relief and comfort, and he was aware of that. As for you, you could never get enough of it. Even despite dating for over 3 years, you still always felt the same emotions and feelings when his familiar, musky yet comforting scent greeted you. In simply words, you would describe his natural scent as musky, a little smoky (not because of actual smoke duh), and irresistible. At the moment, your chin was on his chest, as you plopped yourself on top of him, and simply slept on him, chest to chest.

“Y/N!” He grunted

“Hmm” you whined shifting your face to his neck subtly. Despite trying to be subtle, and he realised what you were doing and he simply laughed.

“Am I that irresistible?” He snickered. You simply whined and intertwined you hands in his hair.

“Hmmm, I love you so much” You said, your nose to his neck, he lifted his arm up to hold your waist in place and you took that as a sign to get closer, if that were even possible.

“Babe, what are you doingg” He whined like a child

“Jongho-yahh, not my fault my boyfriend smells like literal heaven, I just can’t stop, you just, it’s just,” you stuttered “so enchanting” you finished sighing. He just laughed and kissed you head.

“Well, I’m glad to have a girlfriend who cherishes me so much” he giggled. You lightly shoved him.

“Ugh... now is when you say something like, oooh Y/N your scent is so irresistible too” you whined feeling a little annoyed. The rest of the night went on teasing each other and cuddling, with you taking every chance you got, to get closer and take in that heavenly smell.

#ateez x reader #ateez #ateezff #ateez fanfic #ateezfanfiction #san #wooyoung #mingi #jongho #ateezfluff #ateez fluff #ateez scent #ateez smell

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snackhobi · 4 years

Note

16! things you said with no space between us. for the prompt request! thank u

16- things you said with no space between us

hi anon! you didn’t specify a member so I hope you don’t mind me taking creative liberties with this one! thank you, yet again, to the amazing @hobi-gif for being my beta!

pairing: taehyung x reader / word count: 1.5k / genre: fluff / warnings: none!

The internet is an amazing thing. It’s a modern library of Alexandria, an endless source of information and knowledge from every corner of the world. It allows people separated by miles and miles of land and ocean to communicate with each other, to reach out and touch the lives of others in a way that would have been unfathomable even a few decades ago.

It allowed Kim Taehyung, when he was young and isolated and lonely, to reach out a shaking hand, to try and find someone who was reaching back. Weird, the other kids called him, alien, freak, each whispered word another needle into his pin cushion of a heart, causing him to fold in on himself, awkward and shy and sad. But on the internet, no one knew he was—no one could make jokes about the curve of his ears, too big for his soft, child’s face. No one could hear the way he spoke, words slurred into each other, speech messy in his excitement. No one could join in with the jeers and jibes that surrounded him, leaving him hurt, just because he was himself.

And he’d found you. Someone else his age, reaching out a hand, the two of you excited about the same things—hastily typed messages in the chatbox of an anime site, screeched enthusiasm about flash games and music and more besides, two kids finding friendship when everything else in their lives was so empty, so lonely.

Kim Taehyung has grown into his ears, his face, personality morphing from stilting clumsiness into something far more charismatic; he’s always been himself, unashamed and unabashed in his openness, but with age comes maturity, and he knows how to carry himself now. Knows, too, how to ignore the raised eyebrows and side glances from people who refuse to understand him and who he is.

But before all this, before he’d learned how to ignore those silent daggers, before he’d found friends who love him and care for him—you had been the only one who listened. And you still listen, too, always always always; days turned into weeks into months into years, keeping in touch as time passes, moving with each other from messenger to messenger, Skype and KKT and Line, his oldest and dearest friend. It was so natural. (And it still is.)

He knows that people find it weird. Peculiar. It’s been so, so long, and the two of you know each other intimately, late night talks spelling out the mutual depths of your loneliness and despair (being a teenager is so, so difficult, so much harder than people realise or care to remember)—Taehyung doesn’t shy away from opening his heart, spelling out his emotions, but there’s a level of history the two of you share that he’ll never find with someone else.

And yet for all this closeness, there’s still a level of removal, anonymity. You’d made a pact, right at the beginning, years and years and years ago, to never share your faces—to only judge each other on the contents of your personality, your heart and soul, not to have it coloured by anything else. He’s heard your voice, and you’ve heard his. His phone is full of photos you’ve sent him, sunrises and flowers and cute dogs you’ve seen on the street. Taehyung knows all of your deepest secrets, things you’ve never told anyone but him—but he doesn’t know the colour of your eyes, your hair, how your lips curve when you smile, how your hands move when you talk. He knows your name, holds your heart in his hands, cradles every story you’ve ever told him in the curve of his palms—but he could pass you in the street and be none the wiser.

But he loves you. He knows he loves you. It’s impossible not to, not to fall hard and deep for this person who cares for him so much, who’s always been there for him, even when no one else had been.

He knows he’s handsome and good-looking now, is reminded of it constantly, from the looks that people give him, the words they send his way, confessions of ardour and wide-eyed compliments—but he’ll never forget how people looked at him before all this. It’s all fake emotion, based on something skin-shallow, and Taehyung doesn’t like it. Doesn’t like that people are only nice to him because of his pretty face. You, though, love him regardless, are kind and soft and sweet because of everything inside him. Not the things that other people see. Not the things outside of his control.

So when this message comes through—a shaky, tentative thing, so unlike every other word you pen to him—his heart leaps into his throat, almost choking him, so strong and aching for you.

I’m moving to Seoul, you say. You don’t have to, but I was wondering if you’d like to meet?

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

Jimin startles and Jungkook raises his eyebrows when Taehyung makes a noise of delight, lifting his phone aloft as he spins in an exuberant circle before collapsing to the ground, overcome and overwhelmed with the weight of affection and tenderness he holds for you.

You agree on a date, a time, a place. Taehyung’s thumbs shake as he types his replies, asking how he’ll know it’s you.

I’ll be wearing a flower crown, you decide, and Taehyung could yell with how cute it is, how cute you are. He doesn’t know what you look like but he knows how cute you are. He always has.

I’m going to hug you when I see you, he says, and you reply with a torrent of laughing emojis and hearts.

I wouldn’t expect anything less, you reply.

And when the day finally comes, years and years culminating in this moment, Taehyung is nervous. He’s a tumble of excitement and anticipation and nerves, staring at himself in the mirror, fiddling with his collar, the ends of his sleeves, even if Jimin slaps his hand and tells him that he’s fine. But even though Taehyung knows that you love him, and he loves you—you both say it often enough, your friendship steeped in tenderness and glowing affection—he’s worried that he’s not good enough. That you’ll take one look at him and see past everything, see the child he used to be, weird and stupid and lonely, and realise that you’re too good for him, have always been too good for him.

I can’t wait to see you, comes the message, just at the right time, like it always does. Because even with everything that separates you, you’ve always known Taehyung—have weaved this level of connection with him, these unseen threads that tie you together. It soothes his trembling fingers and smooths the crooked line of his mouth, twisted with discomfort as it was.

And when he finally sees you—he knows that everything is going to be okay.

You’re beautiful. Of course you are. Pink roses and cherry blossoms and daisies circle your head, a pretty halo that’s set on the softness of your hair, drawing Taehyung’s eyes like a moth to a flame. He has to stop in his tracks and stare at you, take in every detail he’s imagined over the years, turned into something physical and real and even more amazing than anything his mind could conjure—because it’s you.

And when your eyes lock, Taehyung falls, falls, falls. You notice the flowers pinned to his chest, the boutonniere he said he’d wear to match yours—and then your face lifts into the brightest smile he’s ever seen, golden and shimmering, an aurora of happiness that’s there because of him.

“Taehyung?”

Oh, his name sounds so sweet in your mouth, without the filter of the phone or computer, crystal clear and shining.

“Y/n,” he says, and then he’s hugging you.

You fit into his arms so perfectly. You cling to each other tight-tight-tight, unwilling to let go, his boutonniere crushed and your crown sliding askew as you hold onto him and let yourself be held. There’s no more distance between you, now, not a single space between your body and his as you rock against each other, swaying on your feet.

“Hi,” Taehyung murmurs, petals of your flowers trembling against his breath. “Hi, hi, hi.”

“Hi,” you laugh, warm in the hollow of his neck. “Hi, Taehyung. Hi.”

“I’m so, so happy,” Taehyung confesses, whispers soft and low, and blooms at the way you laugh, affectionate and sweet.

“Me too,” you say, making no moves to pull away, making no moves to slide out of the circle of his arms. “Me too.”

And though he doesn’t say those three words—that secret that you both know, both feel, don’t put a voice to, not with the depth of emotion you both feel, not yet—they curl around you, between you, settling in every part of your bodies, curling up the edges of your lips as you both smile, softening the corners of your eyes at you stare at each other, solid and present and right there.

#taehyung x reader #taehyung #bts #taehyung oneshot #taehyung drabble #kim taehyung #v x reader #joy.masterlist

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berrynarrybanana · 4 years

Text

The Bucketlist Fic Challenge

Hello!

I would like to introduce to you all ‘The Bucketlist Fic Challenge’. With the help of some very lovely friends and talented writers, this idea came to life. A sex bucket list with the man himself, Harry Styles. Each writer that I have spoken to has picked a trope/prompt to write off of and once they are all finished, they will be linked down below as a masterlist/series thing. I am so, so excited to see what everyone is coming up with for this and I am so thankful that they all wanted to be apart of this awesome idea. So sit back and grab a snack, it’s about to get filthy.

thank you to @fromyourstrulyh and @harry-is-my-medicine for helping me with the rules and the ideas and the entire thing I love you both dearly and I am so excited to read what you’re writing!!

Also thank you to my groupchat babes who are participating and who encouraged this idea! @detroitkiwis @meetmeinfleetwood and @toothpastekissy you are all sweet angels and I love you!!!!

Rules and Requirements:

1. Have fun with this!

2. Send me what number you’re going to do so I can update the list. And keep this fun for everyone please don’t pick a trope/prompt that has already been taken.

3. Tentative deadline is June 20! If your fic has been put on pause or you need more time, please let me know! I’m not going to exclude you if it isn’t finished by then!

4. Please have all official prompt choices in by Tuesday, June 9

Taken Prompts:

1. Face Sitting and Sex Tape @meetmeinfleetwood

2. Sexy Photoshoot and Sex in the Kitchen @toothpastekissy

3. Reading Eroitca with a vibe and Edging @detroitkiwis

4. Quite Sex (Whisper-y) but Fucking HARD, Edging, Sex in Front of a Mirror @harry-is-my-medicine

5. Angry sex backstage and elevator sex @fromyourstrulyh

6.Sex at a Drive-In movie theater, cockwarming and against a tree@berrynarrybanana aka me lol

7. On a Boat @bfharry

8. Strip Scrabble @narrymccartney

9. Mutual Masturbation @goldenfeelin

10. In Childhood Bedroom @idkthisisjustforfanfic

11. Sex a friends party @stellarboystyles

12. Sex on the Floor/against the door @trashmouthpogues

13. Against The Wall @outofsstyles

14. Tied Up @groovybaybee

15, Naked Challenge and Spanking @soullikestyles

16. Mile High Club @sweetcreatureinthedark

17. Phone/Skype Sex @brwnskin-bunnyteeth

18. Attempting to go down on them under a table in a restaurant @hes-writer

19. In a tent while camping with friends @bopbopstyles

20.dry humping @harryswatermelonsegment

21. Skinny dipping @avhrodite

22.sex in the studio @harryskalechips

23. Sex with a stranger @havethetimeofyourstyles

24. Alleyway sex @majorharry

25. Role play @psychedelicharold

Available Prompts: (I am now striking out the taken prompts so we don’t get numbers mixed up!)

In a tent while camping with friends

Mile High Club

Against a wall

Sex with a stranger (But he’s not a stranger, but you know...roleplay?)

Role Play (He’s a Prince or a Vampire or you know, anything in your wildest fantasy)

Naked Challenge (Be Naked all day but don’t touch, see who breaks first)

Phone/Skype sex

Tied Up

Sex on the floor/against front door

mutual masturbation

Attempting to go down on them under the table in a restaurant

In Childhood Bedroom

Spanking

Sex at a Friend’s/Fancy Party

Alleyway sex outside of a bar

Sex Against a Tree

Skinny dipping

Changing Booth Sex

Dry Humping

Cock warming

Sex in the workplace

Elevator sex

Sex in the studio

Send me a number if you want to participate!

Happy Writing!

#the bucketlist fic challenge #fromyourstrulyh #harry-is-my-medicine #@detroitkiwis #@toothpastekissy #@meetmeinfleetwood #I am so excited!

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peachyproserpina · 3 years

Text

Wickedly Domestic - Roommates and Puppies

Now that I am back on tumblr I figured I might as well upload my John Wick x Fat!OC fic here as well. Maybe I'll find the motivation to write it as well.

TW: Alternate Universe Canon Diverence, Mutual Pining, Slowburn, Sex

If I miss anything please let me know!

There is a consistent thunk, thunk, thunk of her roommates bed hitting the wall. Despite a whole floor separating them she could still hear the sounds of her roommate getting fucked into next week, literally. Usually Maria wouldn’t care that her roommates late at night shenanigans would run into the next morning but, there was more at stake on the agenda today than usual. Maria pressed her pillow over her ears and looked at her phone; it was almost 4 am Monday morning.

There was a meeting in downtown New York that she had to attend, which the commute was a little more intense then she usually had to deal with. Living and working in a suburb outside of New York City allowed for a stress and traffic free drive to work, usually 15 minutes or less, but driving into the city always was a hassle, that drive tends to be close to an hour. Maria rubbed at her eyes and unlocked her phone, she still had 3 hours before she had to be downtown. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, this meeting was with the CEO. Those kinds of meetings either ended up in promotion or termination, she buried her face into her pillow. She could still hear the thunk and a few giggles from her roommate and company. Considering she was already up and too anxious to go back to bed she might as well get her workout in now instead of later.

Heaving herself up and out of bed with a groan she let out a yawn before looking around for her workout clothes. Pulling on her leggings and finding a clean shirt she fished around her room for her headphones. Despite living in New York state for a little over 3 months now she still hasn’t completely unpacked. Moving boxes were still stacked around the room and there was a stack of art needing to be hung up.

She wasn’t planning on moving when she did, the roommate who was busy getting fucked, offered her a place to stay. All she had to do was pay utilities and cook for the house once a week. The home had been a surprise to her roommate Cooper. An estranged great Aunt had willed it over to her, Cooper was already living in New York, and the full ride she received was barely enough to cover the dorm she had to split with 2 other people. When she was contacted by lawyers telling her she is now a proud homeowner and didn’t have to worry about student loans for the rest of her life.

One of the first things she did was reach out to Maria. Cooper was well aware of the tension at home, brewing in Maria’s family since they met in high-school. Unfortunately she had first hand seen more tear stained faces and frustration that Maria was put through. They spoke often and were close, promising to push each other to do amazing things. Sometimes amazing things means moving across the country but their love and friendship didn’t diminish over the distance. So offering the room

All Maria had to do was fund the move and drive 30 hours across the country. Dying to get out of the town she has spent her whole life, as well as always loving the east coast, she packed up, put in her two weeks at her current job and submitted an application to anywhere within a 10 mile radius of her new address. She thanked the stars when a local bank picked up her application and allowed for Skype and phone interviews, giving her the job before she even moved out there. She was introduced to her coworkers through a group chat and she fell into her role easily before she even met them in person.

The hardest part had been leaving old friends, leaving her family on the other hand had been a blessing. Her father and his side of the family had always been hard to please and any relationship with them over the last couple of years had been more of a formality than anything else. Her mother was a different story, tears were shed and a few fights were had due to this hasty decision on moving across the country. Maria’s mother had always wanted more for her daughter than what she currently had but packing up and leaving across the country in less than a month gave her mother bad feelings. Her mother backed off and gave Maria her blessing once she got her job, knowing how stubborn her daughter is once she puts her mind to something.

Her siblings had felt the same way, constant calls and texts were exchanged during the long drive while everyone was proud and knew she would be better for the move. It still hurt, promising to visit during holidays and letting them stay over if they ever visited. But it was like ripping off a bandaid. It had to be done or else it festers and could lead to infection, staying stagnant had been driving her crazy.

Once changed and headphones found under some papers she had been reviewing at her desk, she slid them over her ears and made her way upstairs, closing the door and making sure it was locked behind her. Her cat had the habit of running outside and getting lost or turning up at the local shelter and the last thing she needed was to also be worrying about her cat while she was working in the city.

She jogged down to the gate and opened it before she got into her car and made her way to the nature preserve just a few minutes away from her home. She could have ran there but she wasn’t quite ready to commit to the workout while the air was so chilly. By the time she has parked and started her stretches the world had started to wake up around her, birds chirping and the distant sounds of honking while she tried to figure out what playlist she wanted to run to. Deciding on something beat heavy she started down the trail that would lead over the swamp, it had been a while since she had run outside, usually opting to do her cardio in a class setting or on a treadmill while she binges whatever series she is watching on Netflix at the moment.

She was only half a mile in the trail before she had to stop for a moment. Her “ultra support” sports bra did not help as much as she hoped, having big tits was a blessing and a curse. They made working out hell on earth but it got her more free drinks at the bar then she would like to admit. But it also kept her from being able to run as much as she would like to before she has to stop and readjust.

She pulled out her phone and checked the time, quarter past 5 am, she still had time. She could do a mile before she went home and showered and get ready for a grueling day. She paused her music, taking deep breaths before she started up again, she thought she heard rustling behind her. Which despite being close to the city the swamp held more wildlife than she thought it would. She sat and listened, chancing a glance behind her. The sun was nearly up but running by herself in public always put her on edge. There was always the chance of someone grabbing her and doing whatever they would like to her, she shuddered and unlocked her phone, sending her location and a text as to when she would be back to the roommate group chat. Just in case she were to get snatched up at least her roommates would know where she was last.

She started up again, turning her music up all the way to drown out her heavy breathing and the sound of her feet hitting the trail. It wasn’t until she was almost across one of the many bridges in the nature preserve stretching her calf muscles when she felt something warm and slimy against the skin of her leg. She screamed and pulled her head phones off, looking down to see if she had unknowingly picked up a slug or if some creep had managed to sneak up on her. Letting out a sigh when she saw it was a small Beagle, whining and licking at her leg. She crouched down pet the dog who was whining at her feet.

“Hey baby, where are your parents?” She picked up the dog and looked it over, she saw a name tag, “Daisy- that’s a cute name. Matches my tattoo,” she flipped over the name tag and saw an address, thankful she wouldn't have to drop the dog off at home and try to find her owners later. Daisy fell asleep in her arms while she walked the pup back to her car, the thought on finishing her run gone from her mind. Once the dog was rested safely in her front seat and plugged the address into her phone. It was a quick drive back to the owners house thankfully, it was getting dangerously close to 6 am but she couldn’t not take the sleepy baby home.

She knew if her cat went missing longer than usual or her roommates dog she would be worried sick. No parent should be worried about their baby, that was the biggest motivator for her as she snaked through the neighborhood following her GPS until she pulled up to one of the biggest houses she had ever seen. She knew she lived in affluent part of the state but pulling up the gravel driveway of what was basically a mansion she started to sweat. The bouncing of her car woke the puppy up, who was happily wagging her tail, grateful to be home after wandering away in the early morning. Maria smiled, happy that the pup was glad to be home.

“Lets go baby, let's get you back home.” Daisy ran up the door and pawed at it. Maria knocked and waited a moment, when she didn’t hear any movement in the house she rang the doorbell. Daisy was sitting by her feet waiting patiently for the door to open, it felt like hours while she stood in the massive door hoping someone was home to take the pup in. In reality It had probably been only 5 or so minutes, she chanced a glance around the driveway and didn’t see a car. Figuring that whoever would have been home was gone she turned and started walking back to her car, calling for Daisy, she could take her home and try again after work. Knowing her roommates would be sympathetic to the lost puppy and take care of her until she could try again. It was then she heard the large door open. She turned and nearly lost her balance when she caught a glance at the man who opened the door.

#peachy writes #wickedly domestic #john wick x oc #john wick fic #slow burn #I hope yall like this #it's been my baby for years #im getting to the smut promise

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missmentelle · 3 years

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Am I a bad friend for being overwhelmed by my friend's severe depression/abandonment issues and wanting a break sometimes? I'm the only one they can lean on and I do my best to help them but sometimes I just don't know what to do because nothing seems to help them and I can't always be available without neglecting my own mental health/my work. I spend at least 90% of my free time and some of my time at work when I'm able to text assuring them every day that they're not worthless and giving them reasons why I like them/reasons why they shouldn't commit s****** after they rant to me and ask me "Why?" about those things. They refuse to seek out therapy (Even though their insurance fully covers it) and acknowledge that they can be toxic but refuse to change and instead always just say stuff like "I'm sorry, I know I'm a piece of shit, I should just die". Any advice? :/

Thanks in advance, if you get to this question!

You definitely aren’t a bad friend for being overwhelmed by this. I think anybody would be in your situation.

It really sucks that your friend is going through this right now, but one person cannot be a 24/7 support for a person in crisis. It’s just not doable. Trying to give someone constant support without a break will burn anyone out, especially if that person is not willing to take steps to help themselves. It’s great that you want to be there for your friend, but they also need to meet you halfway - they need to take responsibility for their own mental health, be willing to consider other resources, and understand that it’s not personal when friends sometimes need a break or can’t be available 24/7. That can be very difficult for people with severe mental illness, but they need to find a way to manage it; making threats of suicide or saying dark things like “I’m a huge piece of shit and I should just die” whenever one of their supports needs a break is hugely manipulative, and it’s not okay.

I am a mental health professional with a lot of training to help people in crisis, and I still can’t be a 24/7 support for someone in crisis without quickly burning out. When I work with people who have very high mental health needs, I don’t do it alone - I work with a large team, so that we can make sure this person has support they need at various hours of the day, and so that no one person feelings like they are alone in supporting this person. We never break boundaries; if it’s my day off or if I’m meeting with another client and the person in crisis desperately wants to speak with me, they have to make do with one of their other supports or wait until I am available again. Having just one support is not an option for these clients - they have to work with us to establish a network of supports so that they have different people to turn to if their preferred support is not available. Again, I understand that it might be hard for your friend to accept other supports, but they need to do it - leaning this hard on just you is not good for either of you. It’s setting you up for some serious burnout, and it’s setting them up to not have any supports at all once that happens.

Every relationship needs boundaries. Period. A boundary is not a sign that you don’t care about the other person - it’s a sign that you care about yourself. Helping someone in crisis is great, but if the person has so many constant, ongoing crises that helping them prevents you from functioning properly in your own life, some boundaries need to be be put in place. Spending 90% of your free time talking the same person out of suicide over and over again is unsustainable. People in a severe mental health crises can sometimes be like drowning people; if you try to help them all by yourself, they will drag you under the water with them, which helps no one and endangers both of you. Your own mental health needs to be your top priority here - although it might feel cruel at first to put boundaries in place, it’s necessary if the relationship is going to survive in the long run, and it can sometimes give the other person the push they need to access resources.

When you’re in a situation where you’re burnt out from helping someone in crisis and you desperately need to set some boundaries, here’s what I recommend:

Have an open conversation about the situation. This won’t be an easy conversation, but sometimes it just has to be done. Tell your friend that you want to support them and you want to be there for them, but that you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. Tell them that you want them to get the best support possible, but that you aren’t a mental health professional and that they deserve support from an expert who is trained to provide it. Remind them that you need space sometimes and that it’s not a personal attack or a rejection of them, it’s just something you need for yourself. Do your best to lay out your feelings and express your desire to work together with them to move forward in a healthier, more productive way.

Commit to having “off-times”. There need to be certain hours every day where you take a break and just don’t reply to texts or answer your phone. Expecting you to be available at all times is just not reasonable. Don’t answer your texts during work hours, during meals, during your sleeping hours (even if you aren’t asleep) and for at least an hour before you want to go to bed. Give yourself time to relax, wind down and take some time for yourself. Your friend might be upset about this at first, but it’s important to be strict with this boundary - you need time to yourself. Period.

Carve out time for your hobbies, friends and rest. Make sure you are spending time each week that is just for you - watch a favourite show, read a book, Skype call with other friends, play some video games, take a nap. Do whatever makes you happy. And while you’re taking time for yourself, enforce your boundaries - you can’t enjoy watching a movie if you are texting someone in crisis all the way through it and not actually watching the show. Remember that you don’t need to justify time you take for yourself - it’s not that the movie is “more important” than your friend, it’s that your own mental health is your first priority.

Seek out social support for yourself. It’s very common for people to let other friendships and relationships drop when they are spending most of their time supporting someone in crisis. Don’t. Make sure you are spending time on other relationships that are more of a mutual source of support for you. Becoming isolated for the sake of one friend is not healthy - take steps to protect and nurture your other relationships.

Get their other friends and family on board, if possible. Supporting a person in crisis has to be a team effort, especially if that person is making threats of suicide. One person cannot keep them safe all on their own. If you know that this person has other friends or family in their life that could be a source of support, it might be time to reach out to them and let them know how serious your friend’s situation has become. Multiple people coordinating to support one person is always better than one person going it alone.

Encourage them to access other supports. I know that your friend does not want to seek outside supports, but there comes a time when that stops being a reasonable option for someone who has outside supports available. From the sounds of it, your friend passed that point a long time ago. Again, remind your friend that you are not a professional and that you are worried you can’t give them the help they need. Offer to assist them in locating appropriate supports. If they get upset when they are unable to reach you right away, remind them of professional or alternative supports available, and explain that they need to contact those resources when they cannot reach you. Keep directing them to other supports - therapists, hotlines, 911, etc - that can provide more comprehensive support than you can, and stick to your boundaries.

Don’t engage with their manipulative behaviour. When someone constantly and consistently threatens suicide or says things like “I get it, I’m the worst, I’m a piece of shit, I deserve nothing and I should just die” whenever they are called out for their toxic behaviour, that’s a form of manipulation. As hard as it might be, you can’t give in to it - when they know this kind of manipulation works, they’ll keep using it, and they won’t change their toxic behaviour or take steps to address their mental health. When your friend is being manipulative, set firm boundaries. Tell them that they don’t seem to be in a good headspace for this conversation and that you’ll talk to them when they seem more able to discuss their harmful behaviour. If they make direct threats of suicide, tell them you are concerned for their safety and that you think it would be best for them to call 911. Do not engage further, just keep directing them to outside supports.

Setting boundaries with someone who has severe mental health struggles is hard. It’s so hard. And honestly... it won’t always go well. Sometimes people are very understanding, and talking to them about boundaries makes them realize that it’s time to start taking their mental health more seriously... but I think it’s more common for people to view boundaries as a personal attack, at least in the beginning. I get my fair share of hate mail from people who inform me that I must “hate the mentally ill” because I preach setting boundaries. This is a very emotional topic for a lot of people, and unfortunately, conversations about it will not always go well. When someone is used to having unlimited access to you and they are used to being able to shut down any conversations about how their actions might be toxic, suddenly having you put boundaries in place can feel like a slap in the face. That doesn’t mean that you should give in or relax your boundaries, though - what you are asking for is not unreasonable. No relationship should be causing you this much stress or possibly threatening your livelihood (especially in a global pandemic with an unemployment crisis), and you are not a bad person for needing a break and room to breathe. Your friend might come around and accept your boundaries after a while, or they might not. Either way, you need to protect your own mental health - it’s up to them to decide whether they are willing to continue with a relationship where they are no longer allowed to run you into the ground. Best of luck to you! MM

#Anonymous

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spine-buster · 4 years

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m a d e o f o u t e r s p a c e | elias pettersson

Summary: Brock Boeser invites Elias Pettersson and his childhood best friend, Svea Nilsson, to his place on Prior Lake for the weekend. Petey is feeling some feelings. So is Svea. And in a big group of twenty-somethings at a cottage on a summer weekend, what could go wrong?

Word Count: 14.8k

A/N: Some tropes here, definitely some character archetypes, but an overall good time that includes Incredibly Soft Bitch Hours™ because I’m an Incredibly Soft Bitch™ for Elias Pettersson.

Svea Nilsson decided to go to university in Vancouver and Elias Pettersson decided to follow her. Not the other way around.

Svea and Elias had been best friends since childhood – when Elias saw her faceplant on the ice at the local rink and he helped her up. Simple as that. They had the exact same temperament, and everyone would comment about it. Their parents, their teachers, their mutual friends, their classmates – everybody would always say something: how so very quiet they were; how shy they were; how so very nice they were; how calm they were; how focused they were; how mature they were; how so very humble they were; how dry their sense of humour was; how they would open up when they got to know you. The only difference between them was hockey. When Elias began to take hockey more seriously, and play hockey more seriously, it didn’t change things. Svea only took hockey seriously because Elias did. She went to his games. She would watch him. She’d offer words of encouragement. But she was the academic. She was the one with her nose in a book in the stands in-between periods. She was the one who got straight A’s and helped Elias with his abysmal English grades and had all the teachers loving her because she was so academic, so driven.

So when Svea chose to go to Vancouver for university, where her mom was from, instead of Stockholm, where all her other friends were dying to go to get out of Ånge, everybody was shocked. Except for Elias. He was the first person she told, and the first person who told her to go for it. She admitted she was a bit nervous to apply, and even more nervous about getting in. It would mean she would have to leave him in Sweden. But Elias wasn’t scared about any of that; he wasn’t scared of much, really. “I’m going to follow you, anyway,” he’d said to her. “When I play in the NHL.”

And then she got in. And she had to leave Elias in Sweden.

But that’s when happens when your mom is Canadian and she moved half around the world for your dad – you choose to rediscover your roots and see and live in the city your mom once called home. You choose to move half-way across the world despite the fear and despite the fact that you’d leave your best friend behind, relying on May to August to spend as much time as possible with him. Even though Svea was closer to Elias than she was to anyone else in the world, including her sister; and even though, like Catherine Earnshaw said in Wuthering Heights, “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same”, she was leaving him.

It was the hardest year of Svea’s life, when she was in Vancouver her first year and he stayed in Sweden to play with Vaxjo. They would call and text each other constantly, with FaceTimes and Skype dates written into their schedules as easily and frequently as grocery shopping. That spring, after finishing her exams on April 21st, she returned to Sweden on April 22nd, making it just in time to watch Elias score the game winning goal and the rest of the Vaxjo Lakers win the Swedish championships. She was so happy for him she cried. And when she surprised him on the ice – before all the gold paint, before all the champagne – he cried too. He hugged her for so long she thought he wouldn’t let go. And truthfully, she didn’t want him to.

When he signed his contract with Vancouver and moved to the city, he asked – practically demanded – that she live with him. She agreed because she didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to live rent free with her best friend in a beautiful condo that was bigger than the house in Ånge she grew up in. She practically had her own wing, with a giant bedroom with floor-to-ceiling windows, her own bathroom, and Elias even let her have the den for all her studying. They’d cook together, go out for sushi and waffles together, and Svea would even go to some games if she wasn’t busy studying. When she was busy studying, Elias would leave her alone, which was what she loved most. He understood her. He never pressured her about anything. But when she did go out with him – to games or afterwards – he’d made sure she made friends with the team. So it became not just Elias – it became Brock, and Jake, and Marky, and Bo and Holly too, sometimes even Loui and Adam and JT.

But in the end, it was Elias. It was always Elias.

It was Elias leaving with her when she wanted to leave early from Canucks events she’d inevitably be at or just regular nights out with the guys. It was Elias calling cabs to take them home. It was Elias making sure she got tucked into bed safely, leaving an Advil and a glass of water on her bedside table. It was Elias making breakfast in the morning to cure any hangovers she got. It was Elias bringing her snacks or making sure she got a good night’s sleep before midterms or exams. It was Elias hugging her and telling her everything would be okay when she got stressed about a bad mark or an awful professor. It was Elias who would help celebrate her highs, and would be there for her lows.

It was always Elias.

>< >< >< >< ><

Friday

When Elias and Svea walked through the arrivals section of Minneapolis-St Paul International Airport, Brock Boeser was already waiting for them, holding a homemade sign that he had definitely scribbled in the car before getting there. They immediately walked over to him, giant smiles on their faces. He gave them big bear hugs – Brock always gave the best hugs, Svea thought, besides Elias – and grabbed Svea’s bag for her.

“It’s only about a half our drive out to Prior Lake,” he said as they walked out into the parking garage. “Did they feed you on the plane? You guys want to grab something to eat now?”

“We can just wait and eat something at the house,” Svea said.

“All my friends are at my place already. I told them to get lunch ready so hopefully they listened.”

“And if they didn’t we’re out of luck huh?” Elias joked as he settled into the passenger’s seat. Svea slipped into the back.

Svea had never been to Minnesota before – she hadn’t been anywhere in the States besides the Pacific Northwest – but she enjoyed the drive out to the lake as much as she could. When they finally arrived at the house, Svea admired the beautiful architectural design and big tree in the front. She knew the house backed onto the lake, so it would be nice to see what the backyard looked like if the front was this beautiful.

When Brock opened the front door, there was already music playing and a lot of commotion in the kitchen. Svea, on instinct, instantly became a bit nervous at all the voices she heard. She looked over at Elias quickly. “We’re back!” Brock yelled out over the music. Suddenly, a rush of people came from the kitchen. Svea was sure she was clutching onto her luggage so tightly her knuckles were white. “Did you guys make lunch?” Brock asked.

“Parker’s just finishing up,” a beautiful redhead said as she approached them. Svea could see the pattern of her bikini through her tank top. The girl stared directly at Elias, not giving her so much as a glance. “Is this Elias?”

“Okay, everybody!” Brock called out. “These are my friends Elias and Svea!” She and Elias smiled politely at everyone, and Elias even gave a dumb wave. “Petey, Svea…okay, we’ve got Kyla, Hallie, Marcus, McKenna, Brayden, Tanner, Brett, Parker’s outside on the barbecue I guess…and of course, you know—”

“Meeeeeee!” Brock’s girlfriend, Grace Gillespie screamed as she rounded the corner with her arms wide open for hugs, shoving past the crowd to get to her friends. After having not seen them for a couple of weeks, she was happy to be hosting them in Minnesota. “How was your flight? Everything go well?”

Svea gave her a warm hug. She was so glad to see a friendly face in Grace. Despite their personality differences Svea loved her and always had a good time with her. They were fairly close, especially while in Vancouver together trying to navigate the lives of Brock and Elias. “Everything was nice,” Svea nodded her head as Grace hugged Elias but kept her attention on Svea. “I’ve never been to Minnesota before. The drive out here was nice, too.”

“Okay, good,” she said, turning her attention back to Brock. “Babe, can you make sure Parker’s not burning his face off on the barbecue? I can show Elias and Svea their room.”

Brock ran out to the back while the group dispersed, Kyla and Hallie’s eyes watching them. Svea tried not to look, but she couldn’t help it as they made their way through the house, following Grace. When their eyes met, it was like Kyla and Hallie were hawks and Svea was the prey. Or was it Elias? Either way, she didn’t know, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to find out. And when she looked at Elias again, he didn’t even seem to notice – either that, or he did and just didn’t care. As a young, star hockey player in Vancouver, he was used to people staring at him by now. There were even times where they’d be out for dinner together and people would approach their table asking for autographs or photos. Svea knew Elias wasn’t any more comfortable with it, despite it happening so often now – he was still very much uncomfortable with it – but he was learning to take it all in stride. Her, not so much. She didn’t know if she could ever get used to people wanting pictures and an autograph of her best friend. Because that’s what he still was to her, despite all his success and fame – her best friend.

Grace led them down into the basement of the house. Thankfully, it got quieter and Svea was actually able to hear her thoughts over the voices and the music. “Okay, so there’s five bedrooms upstairs and most of us are staying up there, but Brock and I know you guys, and how you like your own space and aren’t loud like the rest of them are, so we put you down here for your benefit,” Grace explained. “You’ve got the double bed and your own bathroom down here. And nobody can disturb you, so if you want to, like, take a breather, you can,” she continued, looking directly at Svea as she said the words. Svea thanked her lucky stars for Grace. When Grace opened the door, they were met with a plain but cozy bedroom. Because the basement was technically a walkout, one wall had a massive window, looking out on to the lake. There was another door that led to said washroom.

“This is so cozy,” Svea heard Elias say as he walked further into the bedroom. “Tell Brock I want him to bring me breakfast in bed down here tomorrow morning.”

Everybody couldn’t help but laugh. Svea couldn’t help but admire Elias’s smile. “Okay, well, I’ll let you two unpack and get settled,” Grace said. “Lunch should be ready in about fifteen minutes. And if I were you, I’d put on your bathing suits now because Brock’s gonna drag us all into the lake afterwards.”

She left without saying another word, leaving Svea and Elias looking at each other as they stood alone in the room. “I think I might have a headache by the end of the weekend,” Elias said.

Svea couldn’t help but snort. “I think we both will.”

“At least Grace will tell people to be quiet. Brock will only get louder,” he said as he lifted his suitcase and put it on top of the bed. Svea followed, lifting her own onto the opposite side of the bed. “You want to change and go back upstairs with everyone? I can unpack everything,” Elias offered.

“I’m not going if you’re not going,” she shook her head. It was the theme of their life together, really.

Elias smiled. “Suit yourself.”

They unpacked in relative silence, slipping past each other every so often and in and out of the washroom to put away their toiletries. Eventually Svea escaped inside the washroom to put her bathing suit on under her clothes. Elias changed while she did. When she emerged, she found him wearing an obnoxious pair of Hawaiian print swim trunks. “Did Brock buy you those?”

“He did,” Elias nodded, his smile telling her he knew they were ridiculous but there was no way he couldn’t wear them. He looked at her, standing near the doorway of the washroom, her hands adjusting the dress she’d changed into. “Are you nervous, Svea?” he asked suddenly. She couldn’t help but nod her head. “I won’t leave your side, okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, Elias.”

“That’s impossible,” he chuckled slightly, approaching her. “I worry about you constantly.”

That made Svea furrow her brows. Why would he worry about her? She didn’t think she ever gave him anything to worry about. She knew she was really reserved in big groups of people, preferring to just watch and listen rather than act and talk, but so was he. “Why do you wor—”

“Petey? Svea? Lunch is ready!” Grace called down the stairs, interrupting their conversation.

This would clearly have to be discussed later.

Elias led them back upstairs, and they looked at the back deck to see everyone congregating near the giant table as they last of the food was being put on plates by Parker. Grace grabbed Svea’s hand and led her around the table to sit next to her; Elias made sure to follow so he wasn’t stuck with any of the loud and boisterous others. Brock settled in across from him, which meant the redhead, Kyla, slid in beside him, getting a bit too close for his liking. She looked at him and smiled and he gave a tight-lipped grin back, trying to be polite, but also trying to tell her he needed more room for his elbows. He knew he wasn’t a big guy but he could barely get his hands onto the table – he’d look like a t-rex eating at this rate.

“Brock says we can call you Petey – is that okay?” Kyla asked, cocking her head to the side as she touched Elias’s forearm briefly.

“That’s fine,” he nodded quickly.

“How do you pronounce your name in Swedish, anyway? Cause I definitely want to learn how,” she continued.

“Wait! Let me do it!” Brock yelled, interrupting whatever moment Kyla was trying to create. Brock took one last look at Svea and Elias before taking a dramatic pause and saying it. “El-ee-as Pet-ter-shon.”

Svea and Elias began to clap, and Brock bowed in his seat. Elias’s smile was wide at Brock’s pronunciation. “Good job. Now we can move on to our ABCs.”

After lunch, Brock took Elias, Svea, Grace, Kyla, and Parker out on the boat. They zigzagged around the lake, the hot sun beaming down on them as Brock eventually stopped in the middle of the lake so they could swim and sunbathe for a bit. He cracked open a couple of beers and stripped down to his swim trunks. Kyla stood up in front of Elias and took her shirt off practically right in front of him, exposing her bikini. Svea couldn’t help but watch, wondering if Elias noticed how well Kyla filled it out. Svea never filled anything out. Whereas Kyla had a beautifully athletic body, Svea had nothing of the sort. She wondered if Elias noticed the difference between them. He’d known Svea practically his whole life, but Kyla would be a shiny new toy. Kyla seemed pretty dead set on getting his attention at lunch, and she was clearly taking the next step. Even when she jumped into the lake from the boat and came back on, soaking wet and body now practically glistening in the sunlight, she made sure to dry herself in front of Elias too, perching her leg on the edge of the boat to show off her long legs.

When they got back to the cottage after a few hours of being out on the lake, homemade pizzas were waiting to be devoured as dinner. And when dinner was over, Grace suggested an innocent movie night before the rowdiness of tomorrow, so everybody changed into their pajamas, poured bowls of popcorn and chips and Skittles, and sprawled out over the couches. Svea had a bowl of chips in her hands as she watched Kyla settle in next to Elias on the couch, almost instantly beginning to chat him up about the movie. Elias smiled and nodded but was soon looking around the room. When his eyes found her, he got up from the couch. Kyla was mid-sentence.

“You coming to sit?” he asked, grabbing the chip bowl and leading her to the armchair. He sat down first, scooting over to the edge until Svea sat beside him. Brock threw a blanket at her and she unfolded it right before Elias grabbed her legs and swung them over his lap. She laid the blanket on top of them.

Kyla was glaring at her. Nobody else seemed to notice, but Svea felt Kyla’s eyes burning a hole into her. Svea tried as much as possible to ignore it, but she could still feel it.

“Comfortable?” Elias asked.

Svea nodded her head. “I think you were meant to sit beside someone else,” she quipped, quickly and in Swedish so no-one else would understand.

Elias followed Svea’s line of site and saw Kyla staring, but the second she saw Elias staring too, she looked away, her face softening from its previous glare. Elias chuckled slightly. “Her forwardness scares me.”

“She’s flirting with you, you know. She’s got the hots for you.”

“I don’t care.”

She felt his hand rest in-between her legs, just above her knee, still shielded under the blanket. When she settled into his chest, and the movie started, she felt his thumb rub circles along her skin. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary – he did this all the time – but in a room full of people, and one girl in particular who seemed to want to get him into bed with her, it was a bold move.

Svea sighed. This was going to be an interesting weekend.

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Saturday

Svea barely remembered falling asleep during the movie, and she barely remembered being led downstairs to their room by Elias who proceeded to tuck her into bed and cuddle against her in bed, pulling her back against his chest as he wrapped an arm around her. When she awoke the next morning on her back, Elias’s one arm was still draped over her while the other was underneath the pillows. His blonde hair – usually combed back into his signature slick look – was everywhere, sticking up in every direction because of the pillow. His face looked so peaceful as he slept, the softest of snores escaping him.

Svea and Elias did this a lot: cuddle on a couch and be a bit handsy before sleeping in the same bed together, then wake up with their limbs all tangled and their faces so close to each other if they moved one inch forward, they would kiss. Maybe they shouldn’t, because it could lead to complicated feelings and mixed signals and messages, but they did. It was what they did. It started so long ago in Ånge and followed them to Vancouver and Svea didn’t—couldn’t—never wanted to stop. Did that make her selfish? Did it hold her back from meeting a nice guy? Did it hold Elias back from meeting a nice girl?

Elias never really asked, but neither did she, about any of that sort of stuff – mostly because they both knew. They both knew the other didn’t do stuff like that – hook up with people randomly, or without thought. They weren’t like that and weren’t those types of people. The last time they’d asked each other about that, the outcome was much, much different.

It was a quiet night in Ånge, with their parents both out for one reason or another. Emil was out for a friend’s birthday, and Sigrid was already in Stockholm for university. They were watching a movie, cuddled with her legs in his lap and his arm around her back under the same blanket on the couch. Truth be told, she hadn’t been paying much attention to the movie – she had other thoughts on her mind, ever since they started cuddling and Elias had put his arm around her and settled it on the hem of her pants, his fingertips grazing her skin every so often. This wasn’t the first time they cuddled together underneath a blanket. This wasn’t even the first time his fingertips touched her skin there. But because they were alone, and because Svea was…well, curious, she couldn’t help but have that curiosity get the best of her.

“Elias?” she asked in a fake-sweet voice, turning her attention away from the TV and to his face.

“Svea?” he asked back, using an equally-fake-but-sweet tone, but not looking at her.

“Do you like any girls at school?”

That caught his attention enough to have him look down at her skeptically. “What’s this about?”

She didn’t know what to say, because it’s not like she wanted to actually tell him what was really on her mind. She should have thought this through much more. She shrugged her shoulders, trying to seem nonchalant. “I’m just wondering.”

“Why? Did you hear something?”

“No.”

“Good,” he sighed out of relief. “And to answer your question – no. I don’t like any girls at school. You know I only have eyes for you anyway.”

“Oh shut up, Elias,” Svea slapped his chest and rolled her eyes at him. “You’re so full of shit.”

“Am not!” he argued, a smile playing on his face since he knew by her tone she was joking. “You’re the only girl that’s worth my time, Svea. You know that. I wouldn’t be cuddling with anyone else but you.”

“But do you think…” she found herself saying, unable to just shut the hell up. “Like, you’re not interested in the girls in our grade, but what if a boy is interested in me?”

Elias looked down at her again, brows even more furrowed and an angry look on his face. “Who?!”

“Nobody, Elias. Calm down,” she said. “I’m just saying. Is it horrible that I wouldn’t feel comfortable if a boy in our grade wanted to kiss me or something? I mean I’m sixteen but I haven’t even had my first kiss yet,” Svea knew she was just word vomiting now. She couldn’t help herself, but besides Sigrid, Elias was the only person she could have these conversations with.

“Of course it’s not horrible,” Elias said. “You’re too good for everybody in our grade anyway. Nobody should be kissing you.”

“I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with anybody besides you,” she mumbled absent-mindedly.

“What was that?”

She sighed heavily, not wanting to have to repeat herself since she was instantly embarrassed that she’d admitted those words out loud. But she knew Elias wouldn’t let it go, so she met his eyes shyly. “I said I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with anybody besides you.”

Elias paused, realizing the weight of her words as they hung in the air. He barely even blinked as the words ruminated in his mind. Svea almost wanted to pinch him because he was too quiet – even for him. All anybody ever said about him was that he was quiet, but he was being too quiet now. She was about to impulsively just get up and leave when he finally spoke. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable with anybody besides you, either.”

“Really?” she asked softly.

“Of course not,” he said. “I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t even want to,” he expressed sheepishly.

Svea shivered. She looked into Elias’s eyes and saw everything she loved about him. His humility, his sense of humour he only reserved for her and a select few others, his sense of self. There was a reason they had stayed best friends all these years, and that high school hadn’t changed anything. “Elias…” she gulped.

“Svea,” he mimicked her tone again.

“Elias…if…do you want to—I mean, would you—I—I—if we could lose our virginity to each other, would you?”

Svea and Elias found themselves in his bedroom, staring at the other as they stood a few feet away from each other. Both were barely breathing, too focused on the emotions being shown on the face of the other to think about something as trivial as breathing. Svea knew she didn’t want to be doing this with anyone else besides Elias, but she was still nervous. What if she didn’t kiss well? What if her breath smelled? What if Elias wasn’t attracted to her once he saw her naked? What is she did something wrong and—

“Svea?”

“Elias?”

“Are you really nervous like me?” he asked sheepishly.

She nodded her head. She could almost feel her insides trembling as much as she was on the outside. “Maybe we should start kissing.”

Elias nodded his head. “Kissing is a good start.”

They stepped towards each other until they were chest-to-chest. Elias brought his hands up slowly to cup Svea’s face before he craned his neck down. Their first kiss was soft, their lips barely touching before Elias pulled away slightly to make sure it was okay with Svea. When she saw the look in his eyes and she nodded her head, he continued, deeper this time, and they continued like that for a while, kissing as Elias cupped her face.

It was Svea who first dragged her tongue against his bottom lip, and he pulled back momentarily. He looked at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nodded quickly. “And, um, Elias…”

“What is it?”

“You can—you can touch me places besides my face.”

Elias nodded his head nervously. “Okay. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“Are your hips okay?”

“Everywhere is okay.”

He nodded again, their lips coming together again with Svea’s tongue automatically snaking its way into Elias’s mouth. He began to do the same, his hands dragging down her sides and settling on her hips, pulling her body against his even more.

This felt nice to her. Everything with Elias felt right. Was this what she had been missing out on these past few years with boys? Svea mentally punched herself for not doing this sooner. Well, not doing this sooner with Elias. His lips were so soft, and they moved so in tune with hers. His hands traveled up her back underneath her t-shirt from her hips, making her shiver slightly. She liked how his hands felt against her skin as they grazed higher and higher, eventually meeting the bralette she was wearing. She moved her own hands down to the hem of his pants before tugging on the bottom of his t-shirt. “Can I take off your shirt?” she mumbled against his lips.

Elias didn’t say anything – he just helped her tug off his shirt before his hands went to the hem of hers and he pulled hers off as well. As her top was discarded to the side, she looked at him looking at her exposed body. He’d seen her with this much exposed skin before – in a bathing suit though – but this time was obviously different. This time was much more intimate. He feasted on the site before him, breathing heavily as he noticed the goosebumps on her skin. He looked her in the eyes and didn’t speak a word – but in that look, she knew he was telling her she was beautiful. He began kissing her again, wanting to feel her entire body with his hands and beginning to undertake that mission.

Svea tiled her head back and took in the sensation of Elias’s hands wandering all over her body, and suddenly she could feel his lips on her neck, putting her into another state of exhilaration. He kissed all the way down to her collarbone while she sunk her nails into the skin of his back. She let out a small moan as Elias sucked on her neck, not knowing that simple act could pour so much passion and energy into a person. Her hands grazed the waistband of his sweatpants. She could feel his breath hitch in his throat.

“Is that okay?” she asked, to which he nodded his head. She pushed them down gently, leaving him standing in his underwear. His hands mimicked hers. She stepped out of her pants and was now left in only her bralette and underwear. “Can we lie down on the bed?” she asked, not even bothering to wait for his answer before she sat down on the bed.

Elias looked down at Svea, and he couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face. “Oh my God…” he mumbled to himself.

“What’s so funny?” she asked, a worried look on her face.

“Your lips are so red from all the kissing. I kind of feel bad,” Elias giggled.

Svea couldn’t help but giggle as well as she brought her hand up quickly to feel her lips. They didn’t feel any more swollen, but what did she know? This was her first time, after all. She still had a burning question on her mind though. “Does—Does it feel okay? Do you like it?” she asked timidly.

Elias looked at her as if she were crazy. “You mean you can’t tell?” he asked, looking down to his lap.

Svea snorted at his crassness, shaking her head at him as they continued to giggle. Better giggling with your best friend in bed, she thought, rather than having anxiety and being uncomfortable with someone else. “Kiss me, Elias,” she smiled, and Elias was all too happy to comply.

They started by lying beside each other, kissing some more as Elias felt her up through her bralette and she palmed his hard-on through his boxers, but soon enough Elias was on top of her, and she could feel his entire body against hers. She felt like she was on fire – but in a good way; like a jolt of electricity had just shocked her. The best part of the experience was that she was doing everything subconsciously. She wasn’t thinking, for once – she was just doing. It gave her confidence to know that despite a lifetime of inaction, somehow her body knew what to do with how she was feeling. Nothing was forced. Everything felt natural, like it was supposed to be happening, and supposed to be happening only with Elias.

Then, he helped her take off her bralette.

Then, she helped him pull down his boxers.

Then, he helped her pull down her underwear.

“Did you get the condom from your brother’s room?” she whispered, and Elias nodded his head. He rolled off of her momentarily to reach over to the bedside table and grab it, opening the package and taking it out. “Do you need help?” she asked again, her breath heavy.

“I think I’ll be okay,” he said. She tried to give him some privacy by looking away, but she was too intrigued and ended up just staring. She hoped he didn’t feel embarrassed or anything – it was more of an education for both of them, really.

When he was finished, he kissed her again before getting back on top of her. “Svea…”

“Yes Elias?”

“If you ever want to stop, we can stop, okay?”

Svea nodded. “Okay.”

“Like if it hurts – we can stop. It’s not gonna be awkward if we stop. So just tell me.”

“Okay. Okay.”

He entered her slowly. It felt like nothing Svea had ever felt before, and she didn’t even know how to describe it – only that it felt right. There were no other words she could use. He pushed in a little bit further and there was a little bit of pain. She closed her eyes and winced.

“Svea?” Elias’s frantic whisper made her open her eyes. “Svea are you okay?”

“Yes, yes I’m fine,” she said unconvincingly.

“Am I hurting you?”

She couldn’t lie to him, so she nodded her head slightly. “But it’s okay.”

“I can stop—”

“Don’t,” she cut him off. “It’s okay, Elias. Just keep going.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. Don’t worry.”

He kept pushing. He hated to see the winces on her face so he decided to give her light kisses in hopes of easing the pain. When he was fully inside of her, they both stayed still to adjust to the new feeling. They were barely breathing, but had locked eyes with one another. “I love you, Svea,” he whispered tenderly.

They said those three words to each other all the time, because they did – they did love each other. What kind of love that was still remained to be seen, but because there were so many different types of love, Svea and Elias knew they loved each other in certain ways. It was why Svea had absolutely no hesitation in responding to him. “I love you too, Elias.”

As he looked into her eyes and she gave a slight nod of her head, he began moving in and out of her slowly, making sure he wasn’t hurting her or going too fast. Soon, instead of pain she began to feel pleasure, and it felt good, and she began to try to move in sync with his body. She could hear Elias grunt slightly as she did so, and she thought that he must be feeling some pleasure too, to make that noise – well at least she hoped. “Does it feel okay?” she couldn’t help but ask.

Elias nodded his head dramatically. “You feel really good.”

“I do?”

“Yeah…it…fuck, you just feel really good,” he said. She brought her hands up to cup his face. “Does it feel good for you too?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“I want to make sure it feels good for you,” he admitted. “Will…will you tell me?”

Svea nodded and Elias kissed her again, continuing to move in and out of her and making her feel good. Their soft moans became more laboured and heavier, and Svea could feel herself getting close. What her friends had always told her would happen was happening, and she almost didn’t know how to cope with the feeling. “Elias…Elias…”

“Are you close?”

“Keep going, Elias,” she closed her eyes, ready for the feeling to take over her.

“Look at me.”

She was shocked by his request, but she opened her eyes to find him staring at her. “I love you,” he told her again, and every inch of her body – from the blonde hairs atop her head to the tips of her toes – knew he meant it.

“I love you too.”

Svea felt a wave of pleasure wash over, and she arched her back and moaned out as it overtook her entire body. She felt Elias pulsating inside of her, and the desperate noises he was making, along with the heavy breathing and the trembling of his body as he buried his head into the crook of her neck meant she knew he’d just experienced the same thing.

He collapsed on top of her gently, his body still shaking as he tried to regain his breath. She wrapped her arms around him and tried to remember how this all felt – the feeling of his lips on hers; the feeling of his hands all over her body; the feeling of his hand on her breasts; the feeling of him inside her, which she knew would end soon when he’d have to pull out and they’d have to clean up. Selfishly, she wanted this moment to last forever. It was the sweetest, softest, most incredible thing she’d experienced in her short life.

Elias pushed himself up slightly, just enough so he was able to look her in the eye. “Did it feel good?” he asked.

Svea nodded her head. “It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt.”

“Me too,” Elias admitted. “I…I just wanted to make sure it felt good for you. I wouldn’t have cared if I didn—”

She couldn’t help but raise her head to kiss him to get him to shut up. She didn’t want him to ramble in this moment. He readily reciprocated the kiss, eventually pulling out of her and laying on his side. They kissed for a few moments longer before Svea pulled away. “Should we clean up?”

Elias seemed a bit taken aback by the question. “Uh, yeah, of course,” he said, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t. “But um, afterwards…can we—do you want to keep kis—I mean, do you want to stay tonight?”

When they cuddled afterwards – after cleaning up, and after Elias methodically disposed of the condom so nobody in his family would find out – Svea put on some of his old clothes and slipped into his bed. Elias followed close behind, wearing a pair of a boxers and an old t-shirt, and he cuddled up to her automatically.

Elias and Svea fell asleep like that, and when Emil got home that night and checked Elias’s bedroom to make sure he was home and saw them cuddled in the bed together, he smiled to himself.

When Svea woke up the next morning, Elias was using her chest as a pillow. And when he woke up after feeling her move, he gave her one last kiss before hearing all the noise in the kitchen. They went about their day normally. His parents didn’t think anything of it because Svea slept over so often; neither did her parents, really. They just smiled and fed her breakfast and treated her like family, as they always did. She and Elias always acknowledged what happened with each other (they didn’t tell a soul what happened – no friends, no family, nobody) but didn’t make a big deal out of it. There was no reason to. They’d done it out of love, out of some curiosity, but mostly out of love. It didn’t complicate things. If anything, it reinforced their love for one another – that they could do something so intimate, and experience it for the first time together, and not have it change things between them.

“What are you thinking about?” Elias’s soft mumble surprised her. His eyes were still closed but she could feel his legs move slightly, brushing up against hers.

“Ånge,” she lied – only slightly.

“Do you miss it?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. She missed not having to worry about Elias getting a concussion or injured in hockey. She missed how simple their lives were when they were sixteen and thought to themselves one night, “let’s have sex”.

“We’ll be home soon,” he said, finally opening his eyes. They were so sleepy as they looked right into hers, and he shifted so he could pull her body closer to his. “I know that you miss your mom and dad and that you miss Sigrid. I’m sure you miss Sundsvall too. Being by the water. When we stay at my place I know that’s your favourite part. It’s why I bought it.”

She felt a shiver run up her spine at his words. He’d never told her that before. “Do you ever get sick of me, Elias?”

“Never,” he replied automatically, nestling his head down so it was almost in the crook of her neck.

“Not even when I’m stressed about university?”

“Never.”

“Not even when you have to drive me around places because I’m scared of driving in Vancouver?”

“Never.”

“Not even when we spend time together in Ånge, then in Sundsvall, then in Stockholm, and we’re like, always together, even in the same room, all the time?”

“Never.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because we’re the same, Svea,” he said, like it was so simple. “We’re an extension of the other. And if you can’t be in the same room with yourself – if you can’t be with yourself all the time, then who can you be with?”

Another shiver ran up her spine – more powerful this time – and Elias could tell because yet again, he tightened his grip around her. He rested his lips on the exposed part of her skin where her neck met her shoulder and kissed her lightly. She looked down at him. “For the record, I never get sick of you either,” she said.

“Good,” he said. “Because I’m dragging you with me everywhere.”

“Oh yeah? And where are we going?”

“Upstairs to get coffee.”

Svea giggled as Elias rose from his position, looking down at her as his hair fell in front of his face. It was only then that should could smell the distinct aroma of the coffee he mentioned. He didn’t bother brushing his hair, instead settling with just pushing it back with his hands. Svea took a hairband and put half of her hair up in a messy bun before she followed Elias up the stairs. Luckily, they came face to face with Brock and Grace as they were pouring themselves the first batch of coffee.

“Where’s everyone else?” Svea asked, even though she was grateful for the quietness they had now.

“Still sleeping, probably too hungover to get up this early,” Grace whispered, handing Svea the cup of coffee she just poured. “Want to come out on the deck with me?”

“Of course.”

The girls went out on the deck and sat at the table; the last thing heard being Brock chirping Elias about how bad his hair looked. “Did you guys have a good sleep?” Grace asked.

Svea nodded her head. “Thanks for putting us down there.”

Grace gave her a knowing nod. “I knew, don’t worry.” She paused as she took a sip of her coffee. “So you and Elias…” she began.

Svea knew immediately where the conversation was headed. Although Svea loved Grace she wasn’t going to tell her what he’d said to her that morning. It was a personal moment not meant to be shared. Grace had been telling her for months that it was clear Elias felt something different, but Svea wasn’t so sure. He’d always acted the same around her, so she honestly couldn’t tell. “Still nothing, Grace.”

“You guys are going to be the death of me,” she was exasperated. “Do you honestly think he feels nothing for you?”

Svea shook her head. “I know that Elias loves me,” she began. “That’s not a question. But does he love me the way you’re implying? I don’t know. We’ve known each other for so long, Grace. We’ve been through everything together. It’s different when you literally grow up with someone. But like…dating? Romantic love? We’re only twenty-one. I don’t know if Elias even wants that with me.” She paused to fiddle with her hands. “Besides, I think Kyla is really into him.”

“Kyla and McKenna werent’t even supposed to be here. And if Kyla tries something with Elias, I will throw her into the lake,” Grace deadpanned. Svea couldn’t help but laugh. Grace reached over and placed her hand on Svea’s forearm. “Svea, come on. If you think Elias doesn’t want that with you, you’re wrong.”

Svea looked at the window, seeing the boys talking about something while standing next to the stove. She could only imagine how much Brock was chirping Elias about his hair – he probably hadn’t stopped. Sometimes, at night, she truly did wonder if Elias saw her in any other way besides his best friend – if he saw her as a romantic interest, as a partner – hell, sometimes even just as a woman. But she tried not to dwell on those thoughts for too long, because she knew they’d overtake her more rational thoughts eventually, and then she’d have a mess on her hands. Elias, in many ways, was her everything, and more than anything, she wondered if she was his everything too.

“So you and Svea…” Brock began, his voice low so no-one upstairs would overhear, and so Svea and Grace outside couldn’t hear him either. Even though he would love to see them together, and thought they were taking their sweet ass time (obviously) and were made for each other (obviously), he wanted to stay out of it and let things happen naturally. If there was one thing he knew about Petey, it was to not force him into things. Grace had other ideas. She wanted Brock to help her get to the bottom of it. She wanted to know all the details. And, well, Brock loved his girlfriend, so here he was.

“What about it?” Elias asked.

“Bud, you can’t stand there and tell me there’s nothing between you.”

Elias sighed. “I don’t want to get into it.”

“That’s great, ‘cause I do. You mean to tell me nothing happened last night?”

Elias gave Brock one of his infamous death stares. He knew Brock wouldn’t let it go and that they death stare had no use. He shook his head slightly. “No, nothing happened last night. I don’t want to risk it.”

“Risk what?”

“Losing her.”

Brock furrowed his brows. “What on earth makes you think you’d lose her? Do you honestly think she doesn’t have feelings for you?”

“We’ve grown up together, Brock. It’s different. I know Svea loves me. She’s been there for me through everything, through all the hockey, and she never complained once,” Elias shook his head again. “I can’t be selfish and demand this from her too. Besides, I don’t know if she wants that with me. It…I…just…I love her, Brock – in all the ways a person can love another person, but—”

“But do you love her romantically?” Brock asked.

Elias paused. His mouth dropped open, about to say his answer that he knew definitively in his heart, until out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure. He looked over to his right to see Kyla stretching at the foot of the stairs, her pyjama t-shirt riding up to expose her midriff. It was very obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra. “Good morning,” she cooed after she finished her stretch, looking directly at Elias.

Brock looked like he was about to punch a wall. Elias looked away from what she was trying to show off. “Good morning.”

“Is that coffee I smell?” she asked, walking into the kitchen.

“Just made,” Brock said, his voice monotone. “Are the others up?”

“McKenna’s just about to come down,” she said, stepping in between Elias and Brock. Brock left the situation. She peeked up at Elias through her eyelashes. “Have a good sleep?” she asked.

“The best.”

“Is it cold in the basement?” she asked, her voice low so only Elias could hear her. “Need some warming up?”

Her forwardness really did scare him. “It’s not cold down there when Svea’s there,” he said.

Kyla’s face immediately dropped. Before she could try to flirt some more, Grace and Svea walked back in from the back deck. Svea was almost immediately looking at Elias, trying to survey the situation. “Should we start breakfast?” Grace asked, moving past Kyla towards the fridge. Grace gave her a death stare for being so close to Elias. “What do you want to work on?”

As more of the guests made their way down the stairs, every chose a job to do – Svea and Elias worked on the bacon; Brock and Grace the scrambled eggs; Kyla made toast; Marcus worked on setting the table; Brayden made the sausages; Brett and Parker cut up fruit. McKenna and Hallie made more coffee. Breakfast was ready in no time.

When everybody began to sit around the table, Svea was shocked to see Kyla sit beside her. “So Brock told us you live in Vancouver, too,” she said, smiling. “Whereabouts?”

“Oh, um, Yaletown. Same as Brock and Elias,” she said, omitting the face that she lived with him.

“Oh my God, that’s so cool,” Kyla put some scrambled eggs onto her plate. Svea knew she didn’t really care. “And how do you know Elias?”

Svea knew Kyla cared about that, so she gave into the questioning because she knew everyone else in the house save for Brock, Grace, and Elias would think she was a bitch if she didn’t. “We met when we were three – we grew up together in Sweden.”

“And then you followed him to Vancouver?”

“No no no,” Svea shook her head vehemently. She could see Elias smile as he settled in on the edge of the bench beside her. “Elias followed me.”

“Elias followed you?”

“Svea always wanted to go to UBC because her mom is originally from Vancouver,” Grace piped in, stuffing a piece of strawberry into her mouth. “Svea got accepted first. Then Petey was drafted, but stayed in Sweden for a year. Then he signed with the Canucks and the rest is history.”

“Svea could have told me, Grace,” Kyle said teasingly as she gave a look to Svea. “You’re so quiet, girl. Speak up a bit.”

“Svea speaks when she wants to,” Grace quipped again. “And more importantly, when she needs to.”

When breakfast was over, everybody showered, got ready, and changed into their bathing suits before heading outside for another day out on the water and patio. Brock commandeered his boat and suggested some wakeboarding and other watersports out on the lake. In the smaller boat, Brayden, Brett, Parker, and Hallie followed them out onto the lake. There was no way Svea would wakeboard, but she knew Elias liked it. She opted to take photos and videos of Elias doing so instead. His parents were going to kill him.

They were out having fun on the water for so long – diving off the boat, swimming, wakeboarding, tanning, drinking, relaxing, talking – that nobody noticed they didn’t have lunch. They just kept up their activities, with Elias wakeboarding a few times, followed by Brock while Marcus commandeered the boat. Parker did a few cool flips while he wakeboarded. It was hot, the sun was shining, and Svea was having the time of her life. For those hours they were out on the lake, what Elias had said to her that morning in bed, and what Kyla had said and done (and continued to say and do) didn’t matter; she was just a girl out on a boat with her friends, and life couldn’t get any better.

But then, of course, reality set back in. More hours isolated on the boat meant more drinking. Not from Svea, of course, because she knew her limit and because she didn’t want to get drunk in front of, statistically, more people she didn’t know than did; and not from Brock or Brett, because they had to drive the damn boats; but from the others – Marcus, before he drove the boat; and Grace, because she wanted to have fun; and Kyla, because she was Kyla; and McKenna, because Svea had no clue anymore because it wasn’t like McKenna spoke three words to her since the moment she got there.

Svea was expecting nothing when everyone wanted to take one last dip in the lake before they went back to the house. So when they all stood at the edge of the boat, and when Brock was finished taking the Instagram picture for Kyla of all of them with their hands around each other’s backs, they all jumped. Svea hit the water hard and deep, like divers usually did, but something felt different. Something felt…off. And when she emerged from the water, wiping her eyes and trying to figure out what it was, it hit her like a tonne of bricks.

Where was her top?

She felt everything in her stop. When Elias emerged from the water and looked around to find her, the first thing he noticed was the petrified look on her face. “Svea?” he asked.

“Yooooohooooo!” McKenna’s giggles were loud. Svea turned around to face everybody else: Grace, Kyla, Marcus, Brayden, Brett, Parker, Hallie, and McKenna, only to see McKenna waving her bathing suit top above her head. Svea’s bathing suit top.

She was absolutely mortified.

She screamed out in fear, finally having the wherewithal to cover her exposed breasts by hugging herself. Kyla’s laughs and enthusiastic woos filled her mind as McKenna whipped it around like a lasso, like it was some prize they’d won. In a way, it was: she’d won in making Svea feel completely embarrassed and uncomfortable and humiliated.

“What the hell McKenna! Give it back!” she heard Brock scream from the boat. Svea watched as Elias swam over to McKenna and snatch the top out of her hands. Grace looked like she was going to perform a ritualistic murder right then and there.

“Oh come on! It’s just a little bit of fun!” McKenna tried to defend herself.

“It’s how you get christened in Minnesota!” Kyla added. “Everybody knows that!”

Svea tried not to focus on them anymore; they would defend themselves to the last second before the door dropped for the noose, so there wasn’t any point in listening. Instead, she tried to focus on calming her emotions that she knew would bubble over – the tears that were threatening to escape, the flush of red to her cheeks, the nervous shaking from all the embarrassment of these girls and these men probably seeing her practically naked body underneath the water before she even realized what was going on. She tried to focus on Elias, swimming back to her with her bathing suit top in his hands. “Elias…” she said her voice extremely shaky.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he cooed, swimming up to cover her before handling the bikini top, trying to figure out which part went over her head. She grabbed it from him to try to help. “I got you, it’s okay.”

“Elias I’m so embarrassed,” she cried, her hands trembling too much to do it. “I can’t—I can’t—”

“Here, let me,” he mumbled, taking the top back from her.

“Could they see everything? Be honest.”

“No. You can’t see anything in lake water Svea,” he said quickly.

She knew he was probably lying to her – the lake water was clear as fucking day. “Elias—”

“It’s okay—”

“Elias I’m mortified.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he kept repeating, putting the top back on over her head before turning her around without warning so he could tie it for her. “You’re okay, Svea. You’re okay.”

“Everybody saw my boobs Elias,” she cried again, still clutching onto them through her bikini top like they were going to fall out again. He wrapped an arm around her and began swimming back to the boat. “Only you’ve ever seen my boobs.”

Elias looked at her when she said the last sentence. She couldn’t discern the look on his face. “And it stayed that way,” he said. “Nobody saw, Svea. The water was all…wavy.”

Elias let her climb back onto the boat first, where Brock was ready with an open towel for her. “Here you go, sweetheart,” he said, wrapping her in it.

“Thanks, Brock.”

He absolutely hated hearing the defeat and embarrassment in her voice. “Grace will take care of Kyla and McKenna, don’t worry,” he said quickly as everybody else began climbing up the ladder and back onto the boat.

The first thing McKenna did when she got back on the boat – even before drying herself off, which was what you were supposed to do – was finish off her beer. Grace glared at her once she finally grabbed a towel. “You need to apologize,” Grace said firmly, looking right at McKenna. “What you did was so mean.”

“Oh come on, it wasn’t a big deal,” McKenna rolled her eyes. Svea wondered if that was the alcohol talking or if McKenna was really like this. She couldn’t imagine Brock being friends with someone like her. But then she remembered that Kyla and McKenna weren’t even supposed to be here this weekend, and it all sort of made sense. Maybe they were friends of friends, and Brock was too nice to say no. Maybe he knew them only casually, and they tagged along unannounced to take advantage of being at an NHL player’s house for the weekend.

“It was a big deal to Svea,” Grace continued, her voice still firm. Grace looked at her to see her face still sullen.

“It’s fine,” Svea mumbled out, Elias’s arm wrapped tightly around her shoulder as she sat on his lap. She didn’t want to cause any trouble, regardless. She was a guest at Brock’s house as much as McKenna was, and didn’t want or need the added attention on her.

“I’m sooooorrryyyy, Svea,” McKenna laughed through her apology. “But you’re considered a Minnesotan now, so take that a bonus.”

Svea didn’t respond. She just nodded her head down and nestled further onto Elias, letting her head lean against his as Brock navigated back to the house. McKenna and Kyla didn’t have a care in the world as they continued to talk to each other the entire way back, shooting a few looks her way throughout the journey back. They disembarked the boat first before running into the house. Brock helped Svea get off the boat, where she immediately went down to the basement to take a shower. She felt like she had to get all the lake grime off of her before everybody started prepping for dinner.

As she changed into regular clothes and stood in front of the mirror trying to French braid her hair, she heard the hustle and bustle from upstairs. She tried to pay it no mind until she began to hear voices – all too familiar voices.

“Petey is so hot and cold, don’t you think?” Kyla voice was a bit muffled, but it definitely sounded more sober than what it sounded like half an hour ago when she issued her fake apology. Svea stood silent. Maybe eavesdropping wasn’t the most noble of things to do, but she was going to do it anyway. “I don’t know if he even registers that I’m flirting with him.”

“I think that alien is hot for only one person here, and that’s Svea,” she heard McKenna retort.

“You think so?”

“You don’t see the way he looks at her all the time? They’re even sleeping in the same bed.”

“Yeah, but Brock said they grew up together in Sweden—”

“So?” McKenna retorted. “That ‘she’s like my little sister’ line guys always pull is bullshit. And Petey didn’t even say that about her. They’re best friends. Well, best friends. You know what that’s code for.”

“Well, hopefully by the end of the weekend he’ll have a new best friend,” Kyla chirped.

“Listen, if anybody in this house could pull it off, it’s you,” McKenna encouraged her. “He was eyeing you in your bikini yesterday. I mean, you’re much more appealing that way than she is. Every guy loves a good flirt. Just use what you’ve got and I’m sure he’ll open up to it. Only problem is Svea’s gonna have to sleep on the couch when you do.”

The girls giggled and Svea could feel her blood boil. Elias wasn’t hers by any means, and she didn’t own him in any way, shape, or form, but Elias was hers. In every sense, he was hers, and she was getting angry at herself for getting angry at these girls for wanting him. Who was she to stop him from getting what he wanted if he really wanted Kyla? And who was she to cry and be upset about it when Elias was a grown man and she was a grown woman capable of making their own decisions about who they liked and who they slept with? She quickly fastened the end of her French braid with an elastic and wiped away the angry tears that fell, trying hard not to cry so she wouldn’t go back upstairs with red eyes. She’d already been embarrassed once today; she didn’t need to be embarrassed again.

She waited a few minutes until her emotions subsided before she walked back upstairs. Almost everybody had congregated in the kitchen. She saw Elias sitting outside on the deck. Kyla was already all over him, pressed up against him. She didn’t quit. Svea had to at least admire her persistence.

That night, after dinner and drinking and drinking games and loud music and laughing and singing and even some drunken dancing, Svea watched as Kyla plopped herself into Elias’s lap as they all sat in Adirondack chairs around the firepit near the water. Grace bought boxes of smores kits and they were wrapping them in foil for everyone to toast over the fire. The boys were still drinking and finishing off the rest of the beers; Kyla was finishing hers as she sat on Elias’s lap. Kyla was looking into Elias’s eyes as she sat on Elias’s lap. Kyla was giggling and flirting as she sat on Elias’s lap. Kyla wiggled her butt suggestively as she sat on Elias’s lap.

And as long as Kyla was going to sit on Elias’s lap, Svea couldn’t be there.

She wondered if Grace could see her almost constant glances in their direction. She felt a rumbling in her stomach, probably from all the alcohol that was now mixing with the jealousy that roared in her belly. A lethal combination for anyone, Svea thought, least for her, who’d grown up with him and watched him mature and was now watching as another girl was trying to take him from her, slipping him through her fingers like sand on a beach.

“Can you save mine? I just want to go to the washroom for a quick second,” Svea said as she stood up.

“Don’t be long. There’s only so long I can wait to have chocolate,” she smiled and winked.

Svea walked the path up to Brock’s house and walked inside. Luckily there was nobody else inside, so she was free to be alone – alone with her thoughts, her emotions, and the tears that threatened to spill, yet again. Did she have a right to be jealous? Did she have a right to feel these feelings for Elias and have them bubble up because of the persistent actions of another girl? She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to think.

Svea didn’t know how long she was in the house alone for. But as she was lost in her thoughts, she heard the screen door open. She looked up to see Elias. He was glad he didn’t have to look hard to find her. “Hi.”

“Hi Elias.”

“What are you doing in here?” he asked, closing the door behind him.

Svea shrugged her shoulders. “Just thinking.” She used that answer a lot on him. He was used to it. The alternative to talking, which she expected Kyla did a lot of outside with him anyway. He walked over and sat beside her on the couch – right beside her, leaving her no room. He took her hand and held it in his. Her brows furrowed slightly. “Why’re your hands so clammy?” she asked.

“Why do you think?” he asked. “I had to spend twenty minutes outside with Kyla on my lap trying to get me hard.”

The jealousy roared in her belly again. Here it was. He came in to ask her the inevitable request for her to sleep on the couch tonight so he could bring Kyla down to the basement instead. Grace would have to get her an extra blanket and pillow. Her back would hurt tomorrow morning. She’d have to wake up whenever the first person came down and offer to make coffee and—

“Are you here to ask me to sleep on the couch tonight?” Svea blurted out.

Elias furrowed his brows, looking at her like she had three heads. “Why would I make you sleep on the couch?”

“Because you want to sleep with Kyla,” Svea said matter-of-factly.

Elias froze. “Svea,” he deadpanned.

“Elias?”

“Svea, you’re the smartest person I know, but you can be incredibly dumb sometimes.”

Svea was taken aback by his words. He often teased her like this, maintaining that she often didn’t see things that were right in front of her. Maybe it was one of her many faults, along with so many other things she was learning about herself this weekend, perhaps the worst being how possessive she was over him. “What do you mean?”

“Svea—” Elias tried to begin, but he couldn’t find the right words. He sighed before continuing. “Do you remember that night in Ånge where my brother rented all the Austin Powers movies and we spent the entire night watching them?”

“Yes…”

“Well here’s a line for you,” he said, trying to remember it word for word. “If I was the last man on earth, and she was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex to keep the population going, I still would not sleep with Kyla.”

Svea’s breath hitched in her throat. “But Elias—”

“How could you honestly think I’d want to have sex with her?”

“She’s into you. And she’s pretty, Elias, and tanned, and fit…and she’s—”

“No, Svea,” he interrupted her firmly. “I would have rather had you on my lap out there. You know that.”

“I can’t get you hard,” Svea mumbled.

Elias smiled amusingly at her words. “You don’t think so?”

She didn’t appreciate him mocking her. She rolled her eyes at him and his attempt to make light of this situation. “Elias—”

“Svea, you’ve been getting me hard since we were sixteen and we were each other’s first,” he finally confessed, albeit a bit crassly. It wasn’t the way he wanted it to be out in the open, but right now, there was no turning back.

The words hung in the air as they looked each other in the eye. Svea couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth. Elias was always honest with her, always, so to say that she was shocked he’d just admitted that out loud was an understatement. Elias was a quiet guy, always, and she was a quiet girl, always, and that was…new. “Are…are you s-serious, Elias?” she stuttered out.

“I would never lie to you, Svea,” he said. “Now can you come back outside and sit on my lap?”

When Elias and Svea walked outside, he brought her directly onto the dock, right to the end so they were looking out at the lake. She made eye contact with three people on the way there: Brock, who sent a wink her way when he noticed the two of them together; Grace, who sent her own wink and wiggled her eyebrows; and Kyla, who sent her a death stare when she noticed Elias was holding her hand to guide her through the relative darkness. When they finally reached the end of the dock, Svea saw one of Brock’s Adirondack chairs and a blanket. Elias adjusted it so it faced the lake. Svea looked back towards the backyard; everyone was dispersed in their own little groups, allowing them the alone time and privacy Elias apparently wanted.

“What are you looking at?” Elias asked quietly, trying to preserve the tranquility of the dusk.

“Nothing,” she brushed him off. She wasn’t going to tell him she was making sure Kyla wasn’t stomping down the dock to join them.

“Then come sit.”

When she looked back at him over her shoulder, he was already sitting on the Adirondack chair, unfolding the blanket. It was a scene Svea had encountered countless times before – in Sundsvall, specifically, on the balcony of his apartment when they’d go out at night and look out at the water and the lights of the city across the Bothnian Sea. She moved to sit on his lap, settling into him as he wrapped an arm around her and lay the blanket over them. He draped his other arm across her lap while the one around her back snuck underneath her shirt, rubbing the skin at the small of her back. When he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, his nose and lips grazing her skin, a shiver ran up her spine. She was sure he could tell.

She began to remember the things he’d said since they got to Minnesota: how he always worried about her, about how they were an extension of each other, how he bought his apartment in Sundsvall because he knew being by the water was her favourite. And now, with the comment said not even five minutes ago about her getting him hard since they were sixteen. She thought about the implications of it all, and what it meant for her – what it meant for them, really, because she agreed with what he said about being an extension of each other.

She was apparently lost in her thoughts – too lost for a few moments, because when she finally came to, she felt his lips graze the skin between her shoulder and neck. “What are you doing, Elias?” she asked, her voice as quiet as his was before.

He didn’t answer. Instead, they made eye contact and he looked at her for a few moments before leaning in and kissing her. Like everything Elias did, he was perfect at it. Soft lips, a passionate touch, and a tenderness nobody else could duplicate. Much like when they were sixteen, she didn’t want it to end. But when it did, with Elias pulling away first so he could look her in the eyes again, there was something else to be said. “I love you.”

They were words Svea had heart countless times before – countless – but this time, it felt different. Completely different. She froze slightly. “You love me, Elias?”

“Of course I love you.”

“No, Elias,” she bit her lip. “You, like…love me?”

“Yes, Svea,” he said, his hand traveling further up her back. “If you ever want to thank Kyla for one thing, it’s for making me realize how much I love you, and how long I’ve loved you for, because all her attention made me realize that I only want that kind of attention from you, that I only want you, and nobody else, and the thought of being with anyone else, or the thought of you being with anyone else makes me sick to my stomach.”

She felt a rush of blood to her cheeks as she blushed. How long had she been waiting for him to hear those words and she didn’t even know? How long had she wanted him to say those words to her, deep down inside somewhere within her? Had she known this entire time and just not realize it? Had she felt the same this entire time too and just didn’t verbalize it? She couldn’t help but think he was being a bit of a drama queen about it though. “You brought me all the way to Brock’s house in Minnesota to tell me this?”

Elias giggled like a schoolgirl. “I guess I did.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I never said I was smart like you,” he said. “Remember when all the kids in class would call me space boy and alien boy because they said I looked like an alien?”

“You do look like an alien.”

Elias nudged her. She laughed before snuggling back into him. “If I’m the alien, you’re the stars, Svea.”

She smiled. This time, it was her that moved to kiss him, doing it by her own accord and with such conviction she surprised even herself. It was like she was sixteen all over again, except she wasn’t; she was still Elias’s best friend; still the most important person in his life; still getting him hard, apparently. Yet now, she was twenty-one – older, somewhat wiser; a university student, not some precocious high schooler; living in Vancouver, not in Ånge; having Elias telling her he loved her – loved her loved her – not just as friends. That he made clear. And although she was still coming to terms with it, and still couldn’t really wrap her head around it, at least her body was reacting to the news appropriately, much like her body had reacted appropriately all those years ago in Ånge, when she came up with the brilliant idea they’d acted on.

The only thing that could interrupt their kissing was Brock screaming at the top of his lungs. As Elias and Svea pulled apart, they watched as Brock ran down the dock in only his boxers, somersaulting into the lake like some sort of Olympic diver. They couldn’t help but laugh out loud as he came back up, whipping his hair to the side so it was out of his eyes.

“Brock!” Grace yelled, grimacing as she ran after him. “You’re going to smell like a wet dog!”

Tanner had passed out on the bathroom floor, and everybody decided to leave him there just in case. Marcus faceplanted into the couch, saying he couldn’t deal with stairs. Brock said the dive into the lake sobered him up, so Grace dragged him up the stairs into their bedroom. McKenna and Kyla were the first to shut their bedroom door, but not before Kyla gave one last look at Elias’s arms wrapped around Svea and wishing she was in that position.

When they descended down into the basement together, Svea could barely get a word in edgewise before Elias shut the door and his lips found hers again. No less passionate and no less soft, his hands attached themselves to her hips, almost immediately finding their way underneath her top while his tongue slipped into her mouth. His hands felt warm against her skin but they still sent shivers down her spine. She ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it back so it wouldn’t tickle her like it sometimes did.

He guided her towards the bed. When the backs of her legs hit the edge, Elias’s hands traveled higher. Svea’s breath hitched in her throat as his fingers traced the edges of her bralette. He noticed and stopped kissing her. “You’re not scared, are you?” he asked hesitantly.

“No no no,” she whispered as she shook her head. “Just…nervous.”

“Why would you be nervous?”

“I…don’t know,” Svea said. She did know why. She just didn’t want to say it out loud and risk embarrassing herself. “I…I haven’t been with anybody besides you, Elias,” she finally admitted.

He seemed sort of shocked for only a moment. “You never did anything first year university when you were here alone?” he asked.

“No. I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t…I didn’t want to if it wasn’t you.”

Elias nodded his head. He understood. “Me too.”

Her brows furrowed. “Me too what?”

“I haven’t been with anybody beside you,” he confessed.

Svea couldn’t hold back her shock like he could. “What? Not even in Vaxjo? You were the star of the team,” she reasoned. She found it hard to believe because there was no way – no way – that he didn’t get offers left, right, and centre while he was playing for them, especially during their championship run.

“I never…no,” he shook his head. “I didn’t want to if it wasn’t you, either,” he used her own words.

Svea took a deep breath. God, they were so stereotypical. They were such losers. A star hockey player and a first-year university student living away from home for the first time and they didn’t take advantage of their situations because they didn’t want to without each other. “We’re so lame, Elias,” she deadpanned.

Elias couldn’t help but laugh at her words. “I know, right? We’re pathetic.”

“So pathetic.”

Elias gave her a quick kiss as they giggled. “Svea?”

“Elias?”

“I love you.”

Svea smiled. “I love you too.”

“Can I make up for lost time? Can we make up for lost time?” he asked softly.

Svea took another deep breath. Her hands rose to rub his chest as she nodded her head, momentarily forgetting the small little detail that they were at Brock’s house. In the basement. Just as Elias dipped down to continue kissing her, she brought her hands up to his lips. “We’re at Brock’s house.”

Elias furrowed his brows. “So?”

“Won’t it be a bit awkward?”

He laughed again. “Svea, come on. More awkward than doing it in the bed I slept in as a kid?”

“Elias!” she exclaimed, the both of them giggling uncontrollably. “Well when you put it like that—”

Elias couldn’t wait any longer. He dipped his head down so he could start kissing her again, his tongue slipping in with ease. With his hands travelling higher and higher, he eventually helped tug her top off, letting it fall by their feet. He could feel the goosebumps along her skin. He could feel her tugging at his shirt, too, and helped with taking it off.

When they moved to lie down on the bed, Elias made sure to kiss at Svea’s neck and collarbone. The little sighs and gasps that escaped her was his fuel to keep going, travelling lower and lower until he reached her chest. “What do you like?” his voice husky.

That was a mute question. Not only could Svea not think right now with Elias’s lips so close to her boobs, and it wasn’t like she had the experience to know what she liked and didn’t like so she could tell him. “I—I don’t know. Anything.”

“Anything?”

“It’s you, Elias. Anything will feel good.”

He started to touch her more as his lips found her neck and clavicle again. He could feel her back arch and her hips pushing into his as his lips got close to her breasts again. When he pushed the material down and kissed a path down, he heard her sigh. “Is that okay?”

“Yes yes yes,” she said quickly and successively, the sensation clearly new to her.

He continued his handiwork expertly, his tongue grazing along her exposed skin. The mewls she let out almost drove him insane, and he could feel himself getting harder by the second. He had waited for so long that he wasn’t sure if he was going to last as long as he wanted to and do all the things he wanted to do to her, with her. He kissed a trail back up to her lips and his hands wandered down to her shorts, unbuttoning them as quickly as he could.

When he slipped off her shorts, she worked on his. “Do you have a condom, Elias?” she breathed out.

He did – he was prepared – but he froze momentarily. “Of course, but—”

“But what?” she asked worriedly.

“No no,” he said, trying to backtrack. “I’m not—it’s—I want to do so much,” he admitted.

Svea shook her head. “I can’t wait. Please just…just—”

“Svea—”

“Please Elias, I just want you inside me right now,” she practically begged. “We have all the time in the world to do so much. I just want to feel you inside me.”

Elias didn’t need to be told twice. He understood where she was coming from – he knew that, at least for him, he’d been waiting a long time to do this again, and although he wanted to savour the moment, he also didn’t want to waste any time. So he came back up and rolled over slightly, reaching down into his bag and grabbing a string of condoms. Svea couldn’t help but smile as she saw all the packages. He leaned back on his knees and ripped the first one off and ripped it open. Svea sat up to take it from his hands and help him roll it on. She even pumped him a few times when she was finished, kissing him fervently.

Maybe she had the right idea, to just go for it and not wait. Because if she kept doing that, Elias knew he wasn’t going to last long.

As she lay back down, Elias slipped off her underwear and loomed over her. On instinct, one of his hands went to her thighs and she wrapped her legs around him. His hand travelled from her thigh to her hot centre, and she flinched at his touch. He couldn’t help but smile down at her at how sensitive she was. “You okay, pretty girl?”

“I need you, Elias,” she huffed out.

When he entered her she cried out in pleasure. He kissed her passionately as he pushed further and further in, and when he bottomed out, he made sure to give her time to adjust to his size. Due to their confessions earlier, he knew it had been a while for her – a while for both of them – so he’d need to adjust too. He’d almost forgotten how good she felt; how perfectly she fit around him. It wasn’t like he dreamt about how she felt around him for four years now. “You alright?” he asked quickly.

“You feel so good, Elias,” she said, her eyes still closed.

“Does it hurt?” he asked quickly, wanting to make sure he wasn’t hurting her like he had the first time.

She shook her head and finally opened her eyes. “No. It feels good. It feels…it feels right.”

Elias gave her a quick kiss. He began moving in and out of her slowly, and she began to roll her hips in tune with his movements. “I love you, Svea,” he whispered against her lips.

“I love you too, Elias.”

“When we get back to Vancouver I’m going to make love to you on every inch of our apartment,” he said. “And then when we get back to my place in Sundsvall, there too.”

“You promise?” she asked, her smile cheeky, the possibility of making love to Elias over and over and over again giving her so much joy.

“We have to make up for lost time, don’t we?” his smile became equally as cheeky. “Besides, we need to live out the first-year university year and the Vaxjo year where we did fuck all because we’re so lame.”

The both of them giggled, and Svea remembered back to their first encounter at sixteen, where she thought it was better to laugh with your best friend in bed than to be nervous with somebody else. She hoped that they’d continue to giggle; that they’d continue to laugh together during their most intimate moments. She ran her nails up and down his back before digging them into his shoulder blades. “Make love to me, Elias,” she bit her lip.

Elias did just that, increasing his pace as he moved in and out of her, his small grunts and her small moans filling the room. After a while, when Svea felt herself getting close, she arched her back and brought Elias’s face down to kiss him. “Cum with me.”

“You’re close?”

She nodded her head. “I want you to cum with me, Elias.”

Elias couldn’t hold back. She felt so good and there was no way he’d be able to last any longer, so he let go completely. As she made him see stars, he felt her walls tighten around him. She cried out in pleasure as she came with him, holding on to him tightly so she could feel his body pressed against hers. She kept her limbs wrapped around him as he collapsed on top of her, trying to catch their breath. She played with the hair at the nape of his neck as they both calmed down.

“I love you so much,” he mumbled into her nape of her neck as his breathing finally began to steady. “You have no idea Svea.”

“I think I do,” she responded softly.

Elias pulled out and quickly ran to the washroom. Svea – too hung up on trying to savour the feeling, and too tired to care – stayed in bed and watched him through droopy eyes. When he came back, he slipped into bed and wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. As they drifted off to sleep, Svea couldn’t help but think that she was the luckiest girl in the world. Elias, conversely, affirmed his own thoughts that he was the luckiest guy alive.

>< >< >< >< ><

Sunday

When Elias woke the next morning, he was using Svea’s chest as a pillow. He didn’t remember how they got in that position, and truthfully, he didn’t care to. All he cared about was the feeling of her skin beneath his touch, how her breathing was slow and steadied, and how one of her hands was conspicuously still at the nape of his neck, like she’d been playing with his hair all night. Intoxicated by it all, he couldn’t help but graze his lips over her skin lightly, wanting to wake her up as slowly and peacefully as he could.

His lips grazed and kissed along her collarbone, then moved up to her neck before dipping down again. He could feel her move slightly, her foot dragging along his leg as she sighed slightly, finally opening her eyes. “G’morning,” she mumbled, a small smile playing on her lips.

“Good morning, pretty girl,” he mumbled against her skin, craning his head up so he could kiss her on her lips.

They gave each other long, lazy kisses for a while, until Elias moved down to her neck again, cupping her breast underneath the covers. Svea moaned softly. “We’re going straight into this, aren’t we?”

Elias gave her a quick kiss. “Like I said last night, we have to make up for lost time,” he reasoned. He’d spend the entire summer making up for lost time if he had to (read: wanted to).

She smiled. Before she could say anything else, loud footsteps could be heard upstairs. Elias groaned, because it meant people were up. And if people were up, it meant they wouldn’t get the privacy he wanted to do what he wanted. Svea giggled at his groans, which only made him do it louder. “What the hell are they doing up so early?” he mumbled.

“I don’t think it’s early,” Svea said. “I think it’s us.” She looked over to her side to see the time on the alarm radio. “It’s definitely us.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 9:30.”

Elias grumbled again. Svea laughed and slipped out from underneath him, not taking her eyes off of him as he nestled back into bed. “Elias?”

“Svea?”

“I love you.”

He smiled like a schoolboy – like he was a kid again and stole a cookie from the jar. “I love you too, Svea.”

“You guys awake yet?!” Grace’s voice boomed down on them from the top of the stairs. She was smart enough not to descend. “Breakfast is almost ready and Brock won’t save you bacon, Petey!”

They gave each other one last kiss before quickly washing their faces and going upstairs. Almost everybody was already seated around the table for breakfast, so they took their seats and filled their plates with the passed food. Elias’s hand grazed Svea’s thighs underneath the table. Svea tried not to let it show.

“What took you guys so long?” Hallie asked as she bit into a piece of toast.

“We were just talking,” Elias was purposely vague.

“What the fuck do you two even talk about?! Neither of you talk!” Tanner exclaimed. “You’re both so quiet!”

Elias smiled. At any other point in the weekend, he probably would have gotten mad at the comment. He probably would have gotten defensive or uptight or however he usually got when people told him he was so quiet and needed to talk more; he also would have been protective of Svea, who took those types of comments more personally, and called the other person a gaphals or something equally as Swedish in frustration because when he was frustrated he couldn’t find the English words for things as easily.

But this time, things were different. None of that mattered anymore. Anybody could say whatever they wanted, make whatever observations they wanted about the two of them as people, but all that mattered, whether the outside world cared or not, was that he and Svea loved each other. Simple as that. It was corny, and it was cliched, but Elias didn’t care.

#elias pettersson #elias pettersson blurb #elias pettersson imagine #elias pettersson one shot #elias pettersson drabble #elias pettersson fic #vancouver canucks imagine #vancouver canucks one shot #vancouver canucks drabble #vancouver canucks fic #the space series

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thedeviltohisangel · 3 years

Text

Whiskey In A Teacup/1

When Santi first got out of the military, he hadn’t known what to think of his options. There was always the option of giving up and going back in. The option to join a shadowy private military company. Go into private security. Go on the recruiting circuit. Maybe even become a cop. But none of them seemed like the best path. They all seemed like giving up. He had been trained by his country to be an elite, lethal machine. Being anything but the best felt like a cop out. So when an old friend of his reached out with an offer from the Secret Service, he accepted it on the spot.

masterlist is my url/writing or on ao3

send me any one shot requests for these two

----

The election had recently ended with a brand new administration being ushered into the White House. Pope thought he looked cookie cutter. Like he was aging perfectly, his wife wasn’t aging at all and his family had all done Cotillion. He was in an empty conference room flipping through the personnel files that had been left for him before he waited for his friend to pick him up for whatever orientation he had to go through.

“Santi! Glad you were able to make it in.” He stood and shook his friend’s hand, happy to have someone to talk to.

“Yeah and was cleared to read the briefing materials,” he answered as he dropped the folder back down onto the table.

“Good. So the basics are out of the way. Now, I vouched for you hard with leadership and they want you on the detail. Close circle, last line of defense type of shit.

“Perfect. Exactly the stakes you know I’m cut out for.”

“I know that. But the future First Lady doesn’t.” Santi furrowed his brow.

“Why does that matter?” His friend cleared his throat.

“She has requested she look every agent in the inner circle in the eye before they are officially assigned. Protective wife and mama bear.”

“You’re not saying the debutante daughters are included in my assignment are you?” Santiago hoped he wasn’t. They looked like stuck up brats and he would rather join Will on the speech circuit than put up with attitudes like that.

“I’m saying the other agents have been tripping over themselves to try and get conversations with the older one.” His friend pointed at her picture on the table.

“That’s disgusting,” Pope whined. “How do I get her approval? I got to wait a week for an appointment?”

“Her and the daughters are at a photoshoot right now for the cover of Vogue. Said she would talk to you there.”

“Great.” It would be one of his more unconventional interviews but Santi was eager. Chomping at the bit to get back in the game. Feel useful again. Devote his life to something other than thinking about the past.

----

The people allowed on the set were few. His friend introduced him to a few other agents and pointed to where the incoming First Lady was smiling for the camera.

“Let’s find somewhere we can wait for her to be done.” Santi kept his head down, smiling politely and shaking hands where appropriate, as they made their way towards the rooms in the back of the studio. There were two agents standing outside a door, nodding once as they let Santi and his friend into the room.

“Marnie, can you help me zip?” The female voice was coming from behind the dressing screen in the corner. Both men looked at each other, not sure what the appropriate thing to say was.

“Sorry, ma’am, we can go-”

“No that’s fine. I think I can do it myself.” Pope stayed silent as the woman, he thinks it was Penelope, stepped out in a beautiful blush pink dress that hugged her like it was made for her. He hates that his mouth ran dry and his tongue felt thick. But he pushed it aside as quickly as it came. “You’re new. And not in a suit. A friend of yours, Sam?”

“Yes ma’am. This is Santiago Garcia. Old Army buddy. He is here for a job interview.”

“A pleasure to meet you ma’am.” Santiago extended his hand and Penelope shook it even though her eyes were rolling.

“So stupid she makes all of you talk to her first. But I guess that’s why I am not in charge,” Penelope shrugged. “I’m sure it will go well and I’ll see you around, Santiago.”

“Santi,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. “Just...Santi.”

“Santi,” she whispered like she was just testing it out. “The pleasure was all mine.” She smiled as she spun, the skirt flying around her like a Disney movie, and then she was out the door and gone.

“Isn’t she something?” Sam mused as he still stared at the door she had just disappeared through.

“Beautiful. And probably a troublemaker,” Pope replied.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” his friend teased with a slap on his back. The sad thing was, he thinks he did.

----

Penelope hated that no such privacy existed in her life anymore. It hadn’t for awhile but it had only gotten worse in the past month since her father won the election. Even now, lying in bed flipping through fashion magazines, there were people bustling in and out to pack her stuff for the move. People asking which fabric and color she thought looked best for her inauguration dress. If she liked this or that singer for the National Anthem and if she thought her peers would find this or that choice relatable. She answered with a smile and took it all in stride but couldn’t wait to shut the door and go to bed. But even there she dreamt of flags and men in suits and waving until her arm felt like it was going to fall off. There was no such thing as privacy and there was no such thing as peace. Penelope felt she was no longer her own person but everyone’s. They told her that’s what being in the first family meant. But she didn’t like it and she didn’t want it.

“Ma’am?” It sounded like her new assistant on the other side of the door.

“Yes?” Penny had just started winding down for the night. Her face was soft from copious amounts of moisturizer. Her hair was fluffy after she took her time drying it. Her silk nightgown was kissing her legs with every step. She was tired. She wanted to curl up in a ball under a pile of blankets and dream of simpler times.

“Your new agent is here. I just wanted to introduce you before he started his first shift.” Penelope sighed and moved back towards her closet to find a knit robe that would help protect at least some of her humility.

“You can come in.” She recognized him instantly as the handsome man from the Vogue set. He looked even better now. Well groomed and in a suit that must have been tailored by an old school professional.

“Ma’am this is-”

“Santiago,” Penelope said before the introduction could be finished. “I’m glad to see the interview went well.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“We’re practically the same age. Any other title other than ma’am would work better.” He made her blush just by looking at her. It was tragic and sad. That she had to meet him like this. That he had to be someone that worked for her father. That he had to be stoic and professional all the time. That they hadn’t just met in a bar on a Saturday night or bumped into each other at a mutual friend’s backyard picnic.

“Of course. I’ll think on it and get back to you,” he offered with a smile.

“Agent Garcia is on interior duty tonight but I am sure you’ll get used to his presence quickly, ma’am.” She didn’t bother correcting her assistant. She didn’t care what she called her.

“I look forward to it.”

----

“Alright let’s go over Polar’s schedule for the day.” It had been a couple of days since Santi had started and so far he was enjoying it. His fellow agents were nice enough and had a similar sense of humor to him. Many of them had even served and it was nice to swap stories with people other than the men in his unit. He was posted close to the action and was never really bored. Penelope was his principle. Her safety was his only priority most days and he was by her side at morning show appearances, fancy dinners with campaign donors and visits to DC elementary schools. Things were moving faster and tighter the closer they got to the inauguration.

They hadn’t spoken much since his first night. Just nods and smiles as they made elusive eye contact throughout the day. She was beautiful. That was the simplest way for Santi to describe her. The most professional way. It was wrong but he wanted to know more about her. Learn what made her life. Made her cry. What she liked to eat and what she would order at McDonalds. Santi was someone full of life and warmth and love for those around him. Sometimes it was hard to be so cold. He hadn’t had to be so since he retired from the military. It was dredging up old feelings from the past. But he was more concerned how he felt more comfortable than he had before. How being alert and hearing radio static and a gun at his hip made him feel more at ease than the creature comforts of home ever could.

“We’ve got a pilates class, Skype call with a dress designer and then a private dinner.”

“Private dinner?” Santi hadn’t heard that on the schedule before and it made his ears perk up.

“She’s been seeing this guy-”

“Kind of a douche,” one of the other agents chimed in.

“-and it's very underwraps, very lowkey.”

“We normally draw straws or play rock, paper, scissors to see who has to take it.” Santi furrowed his brow as all the comments flooded his system.

“What’s so awful about a dinner date?” he asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“It’s the company she keeps,” one chimed in.

“He’s dull and chews weird.”

“Hurts to listen to and hurts to watch.” They all groaned in unison.

“I’ll take it then. The watching and listening part.” He was a low man on the totem pole anyways but he was also curious. He wanted to see this train wreck with his own two eyes. He took the file when it was offered, leaving the room when they were dismissed.

“Curiosity killed the cat, you know,” Sam muttered as he fell into step next to him.

“I know. This will satiate me,” Santi replied.

----

He stood dutifully by the car, waiting to open the door for Penelope whenever she was ready to go. The twisted part of him was excited to see how this night played out. Maybe it would at least be worth the good story. How the beautiful first daughter dated a slob and he was paid to be a third wheel.

“Santiago? I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.” Her fingers tightened around her clutch as she squared her shoulders to face him.

“Yes…” he froze when he remembered he had agreed to not refer to her as ma’am.

“Still thinking of something else to call me?” she asked with a smirk. Penelope didn’t wait for him to respond and instead slipped under his arm and into the backseat of her car.

The drive was dead silent. Santi felt awkward but knew this was a part of the job he would have to get used to. She wasn’t his friend. Wasn’t a girl he had picked up at a bar. She was his top priority in the least romantic way possible. He would take a bullet for her. When they arrived at the restaurant he moved swiftly to open her door and escort her into the dining room. They moved towards the back where a man was sitting alone. He looked like a college lacrosse player to Santi. In the most stereotypical of ways. His hands itched to pull Penelope’s seat out for her when her date didn’t, his eyes going to the menu instead of complementing the black dress she was wearing. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe this was going to be torture.

#santiago garcia #oscar isaac #triple frontier #santiago garcia fanfiction #oscar isaac fanfiction #triple frontier fanfiction

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rabiid-bunny · 3 years

Note

Asking you since you’ve been a BNF of kuro for years and befriended some of them. How did you become friends with other kuro fans IRL? Lol my real life friends aren’t into weebdom at all and I’m thinking it would be somewhat refreshing to befriend some fandomers and nerd over kuro theories and fanfic ideas over the phone or watch book of atlantic on zoom sometime lmao. The only thing, I’m kind of shy annnd I’m not even sure if most people on tumblr are into that sort of thing or prefer to interact exclusively online?

Good evening!

My apologies if this answer sounds a little pretentious but what am I if not honest and thorough? I cannot speak for everyone but I can talk about my own experiences and preferences. I’ll do my best!

I don’t really come to fandom to find irl friends so personally, I find it a little awkward when people reach out and ask “can we be friends”. This is because I don’t really amass friends irl either, I keep my circle small because I don’t like friends for the sake of friendship. The bonds I create are ones I invest in because I know they will help me grow in many aspects of my life.

That being said, I hate small talk. Whether I know someone irl or online, I cannot hold a conversation with someone if it consists of mainly small talk. That’s why fandom is actually a great place to make friends because you already have a mutual interest to talk about and bond over! Instead of “hi, we just met, how are you, where are you from, what’s your favorite color” you get deep convos like “okay I hear you on that au but what if there was a twist like THIS!?”

Friendships are organic. You have a stepping stone here in fandom with a similar interest to discuss. However, the internet is weird and scary so a lot of folks are not warm to the idea of trusting an internet stranger. Some people are very friendly and willing to chat right away. But speaking for myself, it takes a lot of trust for me to share next to anything about my personal life. And even if I trust the person, maybe we don’t click or maybe we don’t have many interests outside of fandom (because fandom isn’t everything).

And yes, I am aware I sound like a complete hypocrite saying all of this because two of my irl best friends and my current partner are people I met here in the online kuro fandom.

Let me explain lol

Mr. Cat and I spoke in depth about our interests in the fandom all the time. Never did we have “how are you” convos. It was always right to the meat of something we fell asleep talking about or a thought that popped up in our minds. And then we spoke about other interests. And then some more. And some more. We gradually over time became a safe place to speak about all the wacky stuff going on in each other’s minds and after years of building up trust and skyping and sending gifts, we met irl.

I want to stress how dangerous it is to meet people that you do not know yet so please PLEASE be careful about how friendly you are with online strangers.

As for Chrome and I, we bonded over a mutual hobby: writing. We both respect each other’s craft so much and are each other’s biggest fans. In exchanging praise and ideas, we became closer and now have an irl friendship that I cherish more than anything.

I think you should get involved in a kuro discord chat for sure, anon! Those can be very fun and you will instantly be able to talk with a bunch of folks who share a same interest as you. Watch parties, games, etc.

My long ass point here is friendship is organic. Just message someone and be yourself. Some people like small talk, others don’t. But be careful and always be respectful and never expect anything from anyone because you never know what’s going on in someone’s life outside of fandom.

And good luck. I met the Monster love of my life here so I have no qualms with searching for friends within these dark and mysterious waters.

#wow this answer was longer than i thought itd be #how chatty of me #ask

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staylovehearts · 4 years

Text

Enough?

Lee Felix x Reader

Word Count ~3.9 k

Summary: You never wanted Felix to find out that the fans he loves so much can be so cruel.

Tags: angst, hate comments, self-doubts, Felix is an idol in this one, and you’re like his not so secret girlfriend, the company is chill but the fans aren’t, mentions of other stray kids members

It's a simple routine. As you unlock your phone you immediately swipe away about twenty different notifications from different social media accounts without even looking at them. You are not even sure why you even still bother with an Instagram and all of that. Maybe you should just go private again. Or delete everything. But that would feel like defeat. Like giving up. So instead you just try to not look at the mean words people are spouting at you on the daily. When it first started you still tried to report every single comment. Blocked every person who insulted you. But once the comments became too many to count you gave up on that as well.

But it's fine. Ignore them all. Swipe it away. Don't look at it. Focus on the nice comments. The people that spammed flame emojis under your recent Instagram selfie. The ones leaving nice comments and replies. Or at least those, that seem neutral. The ones that like to joke around or post memes. Damn, even the people that drop Loona fancams under your tweets are bearable.

But you can ignore them all for the sake of the one message that you actually want to read.

cuddly coala boy: are you going to be watching me later tonight?? i hope you're not mad that i had to cancel our skype date because of this :((

The text came at exactly 4:35 in the morning. Well, 4:35 in the morning in your timezone. That means for him it must have been... wait, what's the time difference again? Where even is he right now? You are too lazy to actually look up timezones right now to properly calculate the difference, but you decide to assume that it was a reasonable time. Well, at least you hope it was fairly reasonable. With the way his schedule works it's not unusual for him to send you messy texts full of typos past midnight when he is exhausted from a day of dance practice and vocal training and he just fell into bed after a quick shower and decided to send you a short text, already half asleep. It's also not rare for him to text you early in the morning. When he is on his way to his first schedule of the day. Early in the morning, but already buzzing with energy and excitement. Sometimes he'd send pictures of his breakfast and gush about the organic canteen. In summer he sent you a picture of the sunrise almost every morning. Because in summer the sun rises so early, that most people sleep through this daily spectacle of nature. But those that are woken up at five in the morning – even earlier on some days – never miss out on a sunrise. And you get to see those pictures of the sunrise in a different country, mostly after you've already missed the sunrise in your own location. Most of the pictures weren't even that special, some of them even too blurry to make out more than washed-out colours and the rough outlines of buildings. On some mornings the sky was too cloudy to show more than a lighter stripe of colour beneath a layer of grey and blue. But even on those days, Felix made it a point to show you the sunrise. And you have all of those pictures saved. Because you are just so goddamn whipped for this sunshine of a boy who sends you pictures of the actual sun every morning alongside a happy good morning text.

I'm not mad at all!! I know that work comes first, I'm sure we'll be able to make up for that skype date, have fun later, I might join when I have the time, but you know how the vlive times sometimes don't work with the timezones :/

It takes you a good fifteen minutes or so until you have finally typed up a reply that you are actually confident sending. You don't want to show that you are actually upset. You don't want to make him feel bad for having to cancel your plans. But it's probably obvious that you feel a little bitter about this. You were understanding the first few times this happened. And of course, you are still understanding. You knew that things would probably be like this. But it's becoming harder to hide your disappointment with every skype call that has to be moved to a different date. Every delayed reply. Every day that passes with just a few short messages being sent back and forth during water breaks.

But you know what you signed up for when you not only agreed on trying this long distance relationship, but trying it with an idol on top of the insane timezone difference.

Seeing the friendly kid you used to go to school with on television was already a weird experience. But finding out that he had become a K-Pop star felt like some kind of fever dream. To be completely honest you didn't even know what K-Pop was until you heard Felix – and his bandmate Chan – talk about it on national television. Your mother had called you downstairs in a frenzy to make you watch the special report. When you got there she was pointing at the screen excitedly, asking you over and over look, look, isn't this a boy you used to go to school with? Did you know that he's famous in Korea now? Isn't this crazy? You could certainly agree with her on that last question. To make a long story short, you spent pretty much the rest of that day – and most of the following week – researching every available bit of information about this K-Pop thing and the group your school friend was now part of. You listened to and downloaded their entire discography within one day. Watched every music video and memorised the member's faces within hours. And in the following days, you went through every vlive video and any other content you could find. Saying you were hooked would have been an understatement.

The thought of reaching out to Felix hadn't crossed your mind until maybe two weeks into your newly discovered obsession. It was a suggestion by a friend who you had a couple of courses together with. She had brought the idea up completely nonchalantly as if just hitting up a celebrity is a thing you do every other day. When you expressed that sentiment she just shrugged as if to say dunno, but weren't you friends with him?

Well, she wasn't really wrong about that. But she also wasn't really right. Sure, Felix and you went to school together. You had classes together for three years and you saw him pretty much every other day. But you were never super close to him. Felix was just that kind of person that everyone was on good terms with. He'd sit down at a different table at lunch every day, nerds and jocks were equally welcoming of him. Everyone likes having Felix around, but he wasn't insanely popular either. If someone would have asked about Felix the most common answer would have been something along the lines ah yeah, that guy, he's really nice, we don't really hang out outside of school though. That was just the kind of relationship almost everyone had with him, the kid you'd do group projects or share a lunch table with but not necessarily your first pick when you wanted to put together a group for karaoke that weekend. So Felix and you weren't really friends. You remember being in a group project with him once and for maybe a month or so he even was your lab partner until the seats were switched but that's pretty much it. Maybe you had a bit of a fleeting crush on him back then. Most girls had. The freckles dusting his cheeks and the big brown eyes gave him something adorable and his sunny personality matched that all too well. But back then as well you never considered acting on those feelings and years later you had almost completely forgotten about them altogether.

Tracking him down was hard, but easier than you thought it would be. Of course, the old phone number you managed to find in some inactive group chat didn't work anymore. And any social media you ever knew he had was deactivated. But somehow – through a friend of a friend of an acquaintance – you managed to get in contact with him again. And you immediately remembered what you had liked about Felix back then. Talking to him was as easy as ever. Somehow texting him didn't feel like talking to a celebrity, but just casually catching up with an old friend from school. Texting every once in a while turned into chatting almost daily. Then the phone calls started. Late-night rambling, one of you always tired from the time zone difference. The first face time call was an accident – at least that's what Felix told you – but the second wasn't. And neither was the twentieth. You've lost count at this point.

The status of your relationship with Felix has been a mystery to you for the longest time. It was clear to you that that little fleeting crush you used to have had come back at ten times the intensity and you were pretty sure that Felix must at least enjoy talking to you enough to stay up way past the time where he should go to sleep at. But even with mutual feelings, there were more than enough stones in your way. Him being a celebrity and the several hour time difference plus living in different countries are probably some of the most obvious trials.

Let's just say it worked... somehow. Is still working. Even if it's tough sometimes. You've seen Felix a total of three times since making it official and all of these were just for a couple of days at most. There's always schedules he has to attend, filming to be done. Your schedules don't match up at all, he has so little free time that you have no other choice than to arrange yourself around it. Make amends. Compromise.

That's not really the problem here. The official part of the whole making it official is actually the root of all evil. Surprisingly enough Felix's company actually allowed him to make an official statement regarding his relationship status and confirming that he was indeed seeing someone. Of course, you were never mentioned by name. But someone somewhere must have taken a picture of you and him meeting up that one time. And someone else must have somehow identified you on that picture and shared your Instagram. And twitter. And pretty much any other public social media you had at that point. All of that within an hour of the announcement being made. You never openly confirmed or denied any "rumours" - or maybe accusations is the more fitting term here – about you and Felix dating. But you didn't have to. They knew enough to hate you for "stealing" him away from them. Of course, not all of them hate you. Some are actually supportive of the relationship. Though that's definitely only because they support Felix and want to see him happy, not because anyone really cares about your hurt feelings here. Then there's also a couple of fans that just ignore the whole thing entirely. According to them, it's all just rumours and there is no way that Felix is actually seeing someone. Don't you know he's a sweet gay baby, uwu? He's actually dating [insert whoever they ship him with here]. At least these comments can be kind of entertaining to read. Sometimes. You've scrolled past entire think pieces and page-long analysis of the smallest interactions turned into super definite proof that there is more going on between those two band members behind the scenes. They are delusional, but at least they are mostly harmless.

And then there are people who just straight-up hate you. And maybe that group is not actually as big as it seems but they are loud. So goddamn loud. And they are mean. You have switched accounts, gone private, deleted and remade. Everything in a desperate attempt to hide from the comments. But they always find you somehow. There is no escape.

A new notification pops up on your phone, you try not to look at it as you delete it but you catch enough of a glimpse to get the gist of it.

You're not good enough... you don't deserve to be with him... you should just do him a favour and break up, he's probably just to nice to do it himself.

It's always the same, you've read it hundreds of times, in every possible phrasing and variation. The bad thing though, you're starting to believe that they might actually be right.

The vlive is happening around noon in your time, which is at least kind of reasonable compared to other times that you have set an alarm to watch some kind of stream or award show or anything similar. You actually don't really want to watch, at least not for your own entertainment. Watching these things for yourself has kind of stopped working after... well yeah, after all that's going on. But you know that Felix would be happy, knowing that you are watching him. So maybe you'll tune in for a bit during your lunch break. Just long enough to take a screenshot and send it to him alongside a short text telling him that you are watching the live and that you really aren't mad. You aren't mad. Just scared.

You click the notification as soon as it appears on your phone. One of the few notifications you are actually happy to receive. The app takes a moment to load and by the time the stream is actually playing it's already flooded with viewers. But the picture is not moving. Or at least the three boys in the frame aren't moving. But you notice something in the background, maybe some kind of curtain, being moved by a breeze. Still, the trio keeps up their game for another few seconds until they all break out into wide grins and start talking. Felix is sitting in the middle, wedged in between Jisung and Hyunjin. The three of them are sitting behind a table that has various playthings scattered on the polished hardwood surface. You spot a box filled with Jenga pieces, next to a card game and a rubik’s cube. You take a couple of screenshots and tap out to send one of them to Felix, of course he won't see it right now but you want to prove that you were actually watching live. When you open the stream again they are already building up the Jenga tower while joking around with each other. Even though you didn't plan to stick around you watch them play games and talk for a while. It's nice. You can almost imagine yourself sitting in a room with them, laughing, cracking jokes and enjoying yourself. You can almost imagine being this close to Felix. Both physically close enough to be in a room with him as well as close enough for him to introduce you to his friends and be allowed to hang out with the group. It's almost in your reach. Almost perfect. Almost.

Felix is messing with the rubik’s cube, trying to solve it after he has insisted for minutes that he knows how it's done, Hyunjin is stopping the time on his phone while Jisung is going through the comments. You yourself haven't dared to take a look at them yet. Even here you aren't save. Most of the time they are flying by so fast that you can't even finish reading one before the next one jumps into vision.

Where is-

can you say hi to-

omg i-

notice me ple-

Most of it is short comments like this, some are just emojis (mostly every different kind of heart there is), wild key smashing and a plethora of "i love you"s in different languages. But some stick out. Some are different. The username is the first thing you notice about that one specific comment.

felix's_girlfriend

When you first made your account you thought about claiming that name for yourself. Just as a joke. But it was already taken. And so was felix's_wife, ilovefelix, freckleslover or any other possibility you could think of. Even when you started adding numbers to the names you couldn't get them. There are at least fifteen people using some variation on Felix's girlfriend as their username. You stopped trying after that.

Jisung probably spots the comment about at the same time as you did.

"Yo, someone with the username felix's_girlfriend just asked when you will finally do a dance cover of the latest Twice song", he says. Or at least something along the lines. You practised Korean to be able to at least get the gist of what's going on when they are talking, but you can't always understand everything. But you sure do understand the way Felix's head just whips up. Like that of a puppy delighted to see its owner coming back home.

"She's watching?", he asks. This time you understand clearly. Jisung looks back at him for a moment, a mixture of shock and surprise on his face. Felix isn't supposed to talk about you. Not here.

"It's just that person's username", he answers, after a moment of silence. Felix's bright smile drops for a moment, but then he nods his head and laughs as if someone just made an amazing joke. The boys continue talking about the Twice comeback and other promotions that are currently going on as if nothing happened. Hyunjin rambles about Got7 while Jisung jokes about how Seungmin is probably really excited about Day6. But the people in the comments are not willing to let go of what happened quite as easily.

I hope that bitch just disappears someone writes. Felix should break up with her, she's not good enough. You can't pretend to not notice it any longer. And maybe the boys noticed too, at least they don't read out any other comments after that one. But you don't really stick around for that long after. You are clearly not welcome here.

The thing is, that you never wanted to drag Felix into this mess. Of course, he is already a part of it, but you didn't want to let him see all of the ugly things that they are saying about you two. Well, in the end it's mostly you they are mad at. Some fans have commented that they are mad or disappointed that Felix would date someone, but they don't say the same things about him that they say about you. And you're glad. You wouldn't wish this on anyone. Especially not Felix, who is always so bright and full of love for his fans. You know that he loves that. He's said it numerous times. And even when he doesn't say it with words, it's obvious. He says it with the way he always smiles and waves at the camera, with all that he pours into performances, with the energy and passion he gives. He loves them.

Felix has never said the l-word to you.

Your phone rings about three hours later. You are hesitant to pick up when you see his name light up on the screen, but you don't want to lead him to believe that you are mad at him or anything.

"Hey there, why are you calling? Isn't it the middle of the night where you are?" You try to make your voice sound cheerful. Like you are a little surprised that he is calling you at that time but all in all happy that he is calling you. Confused, but a pleasant kind of surprise. You're probably not all that convincing, but maybe it's enough since this is just a phone call. Not even video this time.

"Ah, I just wanted to check in on you", Felix replies. His voice sounds a little bit drowsy. A soft kind of deep rumble. Bedroom voice, but not the sexy kind. The soft I'm about to curl up and fall asleep voice. You've heard that before, fell asleep to that soft voice talking to you over the phone. For a moment you almost crack. You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes, but you blink them away quickly.

"Oh, I'm fine, just got back home a while ago, going to make myself some food soon. How was your day, did that live go well?"

"Hmm, did you watch it?"

"Oh, just for a bit. I was... busy." Somehow you feel guilty saying it like that. Sure, you did only watch maybe about half of it. You told him in advance that you probably wouldn't watch the whole thing. But you have a feeling that there is a reason he is asking. And you are purposely avoiding it. Felix stays silent for a moment, maybe hesitant to bring it up himself. And for a moment you hope that he just won't. That you can both pretend that everything is alright and just joke around like usual. When he finally does speak his voice sounds so sad.

"There were some... not so nice comments about you. Did you see them?"

You consider lying but you don't see the point in it. He probably knows that you have seen them.

"Yeah."

"Do they often say things like that to you?"

"... yeah."

"That's... awful. I'm so sorry."

You take a deep breath. You really never wanted him to find out about how cruel the fans he loves so much can really get. Of course he knew that not everyone approved of him having a relationship and of course he's seen some of the gossip articles that the tabloids write about you. But what the fans say behind the protection of anonymity is so much worse than that.

"It's not your fault", you mutter finally. You can hear Felix take a deep breath as well.

"You don't- you don't believe what they say, do you? You know that I would never break up with you just like that. You are enough. More than I could ever ask for."

You aggressively blink your eyes a couple of times and tilt back your head. You don't want to cry. It always becomes obvious in your voice when you start crying and you really don't want to worry him any more.

"I know, but it's nice to hear. Thank you."

There's noises in the background. Some loud clatter, like dishes falling over and then several voices talking over each other. You haven't thought about it yet but Felix must be calling you from the dorm. There is the sound of a door being opened, a little noise of surprise and then it's being shut close again. Probably someone looking for Felix.

"You should probably hang up soon", you mumble. Not because you want him to, but because you know that the longer this goes on the harder it will be for you to not burst into tears.

"I guess. I'll call you again tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, I'd like that very much."

"Great then... good night."

"Goodnight."

"Hey, (y/n), I love you."

"I love you too, Felix."

#stray kids #stray kids writing #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #lee felix #felix #lee felix x reader #felix x reader #lee felix fluff #lee felix fanfic #lee felix imagine #lee felix scenario #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst

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ollyarchive · 4 years

Photo

'A Lot Of People Are Struggling With Their Pain': Olly Alexander On Managing Mental Health And Staying Creative In Lockdown

The Years & Years frontman and queer rights activist tells HuffPost UK how the coronavirus crisis has led to joyous friendship discoveries and a better understanding of his own creativity.

Olly Alexander is pop music’s posterboy for social change: as likely to share a message about mental health or LGBT+ history as he is about new music, he is both frank and intensely passionate about people.

Celebrated for his live performances, which combine a high camp aesthetic with queer political activism, the singer uses his influence to support and highlight underrepresented groups as well as talking openly about his own mental health demons.

Now 29, the Years & Years singer is living out his lockdown in east London, and was making headway with the third Years & Years album when coronavirus thwarted his plans.

In the weird months that have followed, Olly has been coming to terms with the temporary world of the ‘new normal,’ and working out what that means, much like the rest of us.

It’s fair to say life under lockdown hasn’t been as uplifting as the summer-ready anthems Olly has moulded with Years & Years.

Years & Years star Olly Alexander discusses his coping strategies under lockdown, and how the coronavirus has affected his work

“We’re all experiencing this pandemic in different ways,” he tells HuffPost UK. “A lot of people are struggling with their pain - I would never judge somebody.

“The other day I got really sad reading all these negative comments about people tearing each other down on their appearance or body, you see it all the time. I don’t know, it just built up for me and I just cried, it’s so sad.

“Shaming somebody almost never does the thing that the shamer wants it to do,” says Olly. “It doesn’t work - it’s a very negative thing to do to somebody and it just encourages poor mental health and often repeat behaviour.”

But for every challenge, there’s been huge new positives - daily runs near his Hackney flat have been joyous; a necessary breather from the weight of lockdown and his social media feed.

“Just being able to appreciate the things like being outside, breathing nice air, seeing a friend. That is, you know, really beautiful,” he says.

The singer has also made time for other simple pleasures under lockdown: he has made the effort to get to know his immediate community better, including his neighbours, whom he is immensely thankful for.

“I live underneath some extremely nice lesbians,” he says excitedly of his new lockdown discovery. “Which makes me feel so safe because I know in a crisis I can just go upstairs.”

“I’m part of some mutual aid groups locally and it made me realise I never really engaged with my local community in the way I have been,” he reflects. “In terms of just literally the streets around my apartment and the people that live in my building. That’s been amazing.”

When he’s not busy with his neighbours, most days Olly has been working from home on new music. He’s thankful to be able to work in his own space, and the creative process has taught the singer a lot about the very nature of his creativity.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about how when I make music, and when I’m going to these imaginary places in my head, that’s really a beautiful thing that humans do and I’m so lucky I can do that,” he says.

“I just need my brain [laughs]. I don’t need anything else.

“But it’s obviously not that simple. Sorry I can’t remember what your question was - now I’m talking about my brain…”

He finds music-making therapeutic “even if I never produce anything good”, like he hadn’t written the number 1 hit King and barrels of other Years & Years chart successes.

Olly also writes a diary, an activity which has increased since lockdown.

“It’s my therapists’ top tip - I’ve seen my therapist for six or seven years and we’ve been Skyping,” he continues.

“He’s always, like, ’writing stuff down is so helpful for you to help understand your feelings,’ for me anyway, so I’ve been doing a lot of that.”

Reading, as well as writing, has kept the musician on an even keel, and lockdown has provided plenty of opportunity to revisit classics by some of his favourite writers, mainly queer writers like Derek Jarman, Alexander Chee and Maggie Nielson.

He has found queer texts empowering, some of which he will recite virtually from lockdown this bank holiday weekend as a part of the Google Nest Sessions, streaming for free online. “I’m going to talk about literature that has really influenced me,” he says, “we talk about some queer authors, how that affects my mood.”

As lockdown stretches onwards there’s likely to be more opportunities for introspection. More time to question the forces that drive him to create powerful crossover pop-dance music, to make stands against a broad spectrum of social injustices from queer rights to sex worker rights and to channel his responses openly to fans online.

“Everything feels a little bit called into question right now,” he reflects. “Me putting out music - what does that really mean and is there any point?” He laughs at the suggestion, garnishing his existentialism with a trademark guffaw.

“And I think asking those questions is pretty normal, but I’ve come out the other side and I really love my job,” he says assuredly.

It’s clear how much comfort he finds in work, even with the overwhelming personal challenges of lockdown.

“I really want to put out something that’s fun and beautiful into the world for people to just escape to,” he surmises.

#years & years #yearsandyears #years and years #articles #covid #quarantine #interviews #mental health #lgbtq+#flat

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starbabytae · 5 years

Text

Introducing: Yandere BTS

yandere types / personalities

behavior

danger rating

sexual behavior

Kim Seokjin — Overprotective

At first, he seems like more of a brother figure with his overprotective nature. He makes sure you wear a jacket when going out, doesn't let you cook for yourself because you could get injured and even drives you wherever you need to go.

Though with time, you notice his behavior. He threatens other boys that want to go out with you, he constantly comes up with excuses to lock you up in his house. There's a storm coming, you can't leave now.

The world outside is much too dangerous for you, and there is no one that could protect you like he can. Though of course, cooperate or he will just lock you up. It's for your own good after all.

Danger Rating: 4/10 He would never hurt you. He would never even think about laying a hand on you. Though he wouldn't hesitate to threaten and hurt others if he feels like they're a threat.

Sexual Behavior: In a relationship with you, he's very careful in bed. He doesn't want to hurt you so he's slow, always keeping his eyes on your expressions. The most he would do is handcuff you, but only if you asked and convinced him to do so. He is very big on aftercare, always makes sure you're feeling safe and content before he can even think about sleeping.

Min Yoongi — Clingy

When you met him, he didn't seem friendly at all, though the more his feelings developed the more clingy he got all of a sudden. He would beg to hold your hand in public and cling to your side when you were alone. You figured it was because you seemed to be his only friend that he couldn't quite express his feelings.

What you didn't know was how jealous he would get when your attention wasn't focused solely on him. It didn't matter if it were your friends, a stranger or even a book that seemed to catch your attention. He would plead and whine for some sort of affection, holding you close against him when you wanted to leave.

He couldn't go one more day without you, that much was clear. And he would do anything to keep you with him forever.

Danger Rating: 5/10 Like Jin, he wouldn't dare hurt you ever. But he's more likely to injure or even kill someone if he feels like they're taking your attention away from him.

Sexual Behavior: Yoongi is very careful, like Jin. Though he's more of a cuddler than anything, you'd probably have to do most of the work. His favorite position would be having you on top or cockwarming turning into lazy sex.

Jung Hoseok — Sadistic

There's a reason Hoseok behaves like he does, at first you don't even notice. Questions like, what's your pain tolerance or what's your blood type seem somewhat strange but you brush it off.

Until it seems to get worse. At first it's just simple gestures, holding your hand too tightly or giving death glares to people who looked at you for too long. You'd notice people going missing, but didn't really grasp the point.

Once he had you in his clutches, there was no point in fighting because he'd throw you to the ground right away. He would start with your friends, bringing them home and hurting them in front of you until you knew how to behave.

Danger Rating: 9/10 The male wouldn't hesitate to hurt you in any way. He would enjoy bringing you to tears whether it was because he was hurting you or people close to you. Though he would not go as far as to kill you, since then he would be alone again.

Sexual Behavior: Ropes, Chains, Paddles, Whips and Knives. He's with hard kinks only, and there is not one session where you don't end up bleeding or possibly passing out. Although he does give you a safeword, he doesn't always listen to it when you scream it out.

Kim Namjoon — Manipulative

Namjoon knows just what to say and how to act to make you believe he's the perfect man for you. He will have others remove every obstacle to your relationship just so he won't seem suspicious.

He will put you in danger, solely for the fact that he can protect you himself and make him look like the hero instead of the villain. He'll tell you lies about your friends with so much confidence that you'll believe every word he says without questioning him.

Danger Rating: 7/10 Like Hoseok, he wouldn't hesitate to hurt you but he wouldn't go as far as the other male. His punishments aren't necessarily for his own amusement but more so as to put you back in your place. He also wouldn't hurt others as to not damage his perfect facade.

Sexual Behavior: He tends more to dominant, probably would never let you top him. Like Hoseok, he gives you a safeword but he'll actually listen if you use it. At first, he'll hold back a bit until you're actually with him as to not scare you away, but give him the green light and he turns into an animal.

Park Jimin — Possessive

If he could, Jimin would keep you in a cage 24/7. The male is extremely possessive over you, and it's quite obvious. He would use every opportunity to cling to you or keep you with him. Often times he'd want you to wear his jacket when going out so people would think you're a couple.

His fantasy would be keeping you in a cage for him only to see, a collar around your neck with a pretty leash attached and a lot of bite marks on your skin. Jimin is big on ownership, he needs everyone to know that you're his and his only.

Danger Rating: 10/10 Jimin wouldn't only hurt you to make you behave. If he feels like he won't ever be able to own you or make you submit to him, he wouldn't hesitate to kill you. Because if he can't have you, nobody can.

Sexual Behavior: Jimin is really passionate. He has a lot of stamina so be prepared for hours. He loves pleasing more than receiving so he often overstimulates his partner. Although he lets you on top sometimes, it's still his favorite sight to have you tied up beneath him and at his mercy.

Kim Taehyung — Obsessive

The male knows everything about you. Your daily routine, your favorite stores to go shopping, your favorite food and even your favorite color. Taehyung has his relationship planned out with you completely, before he even exchanges the first word with you.

He knows you better than you know yourself, picked up all your small habits and has a collection of used things he found in your room. They range from pencils to a hairbrush all over to a pair of panties. For him, you are perfection, and nobody could ever change a thing about you.

Once you're together, he wouldn't let you do a thing to change. No new hobbies, no piercings or tattos that could taint your appearance. You had to stay exactly like you were, the perfect girlfriend for him.

Danger Rating: 7/10 He would hurt you, but only to punish you and more so mentally than physically as to not put any marks on your skin. If he does hurt you, he'll make sure the imprint will only stay temporarily.

Sexual Behavior: Like Jimin, he's very passionate about the intimate time spend together. He has basic kinks like choking and spanking as long as the bruises don't stay too long. Taehyung would also be one to record you having sex so he could watch it when he was alone.

Jeon Jeongguk — Stalker

Much like Taehyung, Jungkook knows almost everything about you. Though, he watches in the shadows, too shy to approach you right away. He'll get rid of your friends in the background until you're all alone and he can finally make his move.

He's been to your house many times, uninvited and without your knowledge but he couldn't care less. He'll watch your every move, his favorite hobby could be considered watching you sleep. He knows it's wrong but he brushes it off as simply admiring and protecting you.

Danger Rating: 5/10 Jungkook is also one who would never hurt you. He doesn't hesitate to hurt and remove others from your live but he would never raise his hand against you.

Sexual Behavior: Mutual Masturbation and Skype Sex. He has a lot of pictures and recordings of you masturbating already, and it's always been his fantasy. Other than that, he's a bit less experienced so he'll be flustered easily, but once he's got a taste of you he'll be addicted.

#bts #yandere #yandere bts #yandere introduction #kim namjoon #rm #kim sekojin #jin #min yoongi #suga #jung hoseok #jhope #park jimin #jimin #kim taehyung #v #jeon jeongguk #jungkook

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