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nonbinaryeggrolls · 9 months

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Battle of the Larynx I

Miguel O’Hara x afab!reader

Pt. 1, Pt. 2, Pt. 3, Pt. 4

Synopsis: Having Spider-Man as a boyfriend was becoming increasingly more difficult, and his reoccurring absence is tearing you apart

A/N: hi y’all! ik ive been so MIA with my stories lately. if im being honest sometimes i just don’t have ideas for new chapters or how to continue in progress stories, but hopefully i can get some more done soon! but for now enjoy this quick Miguel O’Hara story cuz i am OBSESSED with this man atm

Inspired by Battle of the Larynx by Melanie Martinez!

Warning: smut (fingering), toxic relationship, ANGST (yk i fucking live that shit), neglectful Miguel, LONG ASS CHAPTERS

MINORS DNI. AGELESS AND MINOR BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

You knew what you were getting yourself into when he told you. You knew the nights that laid ahead for both of you filled with his crying and screaming after a failed mission led to a loss of innocent life. You knew the days would consist of hours holding your breath wondering if he was alive or not, and finally exhaling when he arrived there at your doorstep; battered and bloody but still, he was there. That was really the only promised you asked Miguel to keep— be there. You could handle him leaving randomly and not coming home until 2 in the morning, it was his obligation as a hero and that came before anything else. But he also took an obligation as your partner to be present when it mattered most, and according to him he cherished that concept with his life. So if that was the case why wasn’t he here now?

Miguel had been gone for 5 days now, longer than he’s ever been gone for. Five days of nothing, no calls, texts, emails, even an owl with a note would’ve sufficed at this point but he chose to leave you in the dark yet again. You touched up your mascara in the shiny elevator door reflection as you prepped yourself for the celebration party you and your art school classmates planned after you all landed the animation internship. What was supposed to be a chance for your friends to finally get to know Miguel was clearly turning into yet another evening third wheeling other couples. Another night of watching girls curl up with their lovers while you downed a spiked lemonade to forget about yours. This was the 26th time Miguel had abandoned an important event with no notice whatsoever (yes you’ve been keeping track). It started with simple things like picnic dates or small get togethers, then his absence gradually became more impactful. Missed family dinner’s, birthdays…anniversaries. Disappearing for days on end with no check ins, it was becoming torture. It was becoming increasingly obvious that people started to question whether or not you even had a boyfriend, and slowly you did too…

To Miggy 🧸:

please tell me you’re coming tonight, you know this means a lot to me Miguel

4:23

can you just call me and let me know youre alive at least????

4:49

i hope youre chaffing in your suit asshole

8:14

The elevator door opened letting you onto the top floor of Alchamex, it was pointless checking but you always did anyways. You crept your way into his office hoping to see his usual tired figure slumped over in his chair, ready for you to nag him like you usually do to take a break and eat something, but the only thing occupying the space was scattered papers. You looked through his window that towered over the Nueva York city streets trying desperately to hold back the tears that were fighting their way out.

“Y/N?”

Y/N: “Jess! Im- Im really sorry.” You turned your head only slightly so she couldn’t see your puffy eyes.

Jess: “Y/N, you’re part of reception you know you can get in a lot of trouble being up here without authorization.”

Y/N: “I know I know I just…I thought Miguel be here.” You mumbled between hiccups that came up from you failing to hide your sobs. Jess wasn’t stupid, it didnt take a genius to know what you were upset about, or who you were upset about, “If you um… if you see him can you just ask him to come home please.” Working through your sniffles, you wiped your face with your sleeve and made your way out of the office before she even had time to respond

Jess sighed feeling a twitch of anger brew inside her towards the young man, she scowled and muttered obscenities under her breath as she dialed Miguels number…

The next week came and you missed the party entirely, the calls from all your friends and colleagues went unanswered. Honestly, your self esteem couldn’t take another embarrassing, lonely entrance into an event that Miguel was supposed to accompany you too. Another endless night of sympathetic looks and pity hugs.

The clock read 7:48 pm when you arrived home from work, another day of taking calls and booking meetings for a man that wasn’t even there half of the time. With a heavy sigh you set the bags of groceries you had in hand down in order to get your keys out of your back pocket. The space was dark and cold when you walked in, it had been for the last week. You stocked the fridge with your new groceries then before taking a quick shower and finishing your nightly routine. You were in the middle of applying your night cream when you heard a loud thud causing you to finally leave the bathroom. In the corner of your eye you caught a glimpse of a tall dark figure emerging from the window. You let out a shriek managing to fumble everything in hand as you scrambled to find your pepper spray.

Miguel: “Woah woah! Relax it’s just me! it’s me Y/N!” Usually you’d be used to Miguel’s late night window entrances but it had been so long since you last saw him you forgot he even did it. He turned on the living room light revealing his tired and bruised figure. He was still dressed in his spider suit, the suit you excitedly spent hours on your ipad drawing and redrawing to get the perfect design; now you hated the sight of that thing.

Y/N: “Miguel?”, seeing him gave you relief knowing it wasn’t an intruder, but the anger that’s been stirring in you for the last 2 weeks slapped you back to reality. Silence filled the space between you two, neither of you taking the initiative to speak first. It took 2 weeks for him to come back and you weren’t going to wait another second waiting for him to find the balls to say something.

Miguel: “Y/N please wait!…” he pleaded when you turned away and slammed the bedroom door behind you. You plopped down onto your mattress, you were exhausted and couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore, but you felt the empty bed space behind you dip with his weight.

Miguel: “Congratulations on your internship cariño, I knew you’d get it…” No response. “I…I got this for you. Y/N?” If you turned around you’d see the small gift wrapped box he held in his hand but you were motionless. This new silence terrified him. The possibility of you finally giving up on him made his heart sink a little

Miguel: “Y/N I’m really really sor—

Y/N: “Just shut up Miguel, shut up already…” you finally spoke through gritted teeth, “You’ve never cared about a single thing that I care about, if you did then you would’ve been there like you said you would but you weren’t! SO JUST FUCKING SHUT UP!” you sobbed and curled your legs closer to your chest

Miguel: “I know you’re angry at me… but Y/N I really am sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t call you or text you. I’m sorry it took Jess calling me to make me realize how terrible I was being. I should’ve been there to take you to your friends party, like I promised I would. I wanna be someone you can count on and trust but I’m screwing it all up.”

At this point Miguel had already stood up from the bed, you could feel the floor thump as he paced back and forth trying to find the right words to say to you. You couldn’t help but peek over at him, he looked horrible with his head in his hands and blood and dirt still caked on his suit. Regardless of how angry you felt towards Miguel you always took pity on the poor man. He loved you with everything he was and everything he wasn’t, all he wanted was to be everything you ever needed, but you were the first woman he had ever been with since Dana and Gabriella passed. You knew loving you was like learning to walk again.

You called his name in your soft voice. His head shot up, you were finally facing him with your arms open inviting him in for a hug. Miguel practically jumped from his seat and into your arms. Words couldn’t describe how good it felt to feel your touch and even though he smelled like ash and rubble you felt exactly the same, practically crying as you melted into his hold

Y/N: “I thought you were dead Miggy, you can’t keep putting me through this I can’t take it.” He settled deeper into your embrace and rested his head into the crook of your neck

Miguel: “I know, I’ll be better for you…” You felt his lips latch onto your neck and pepper you in small kisses, “I love you Y/N. I love you so much.” He groaned against you, pushing his stiffened member against your groan and pulling out a desperate moan from your lips

Y/N: “I…I love you too Miggy…fuck!” You screamed has he drove his thick fingers into your already soaking cunt. Every curl and thrust against your plush walls pushed you closer and closer to your edge.

You cried against his shoulders. There were times when the space that was wedged between you two felt infinite then dwindled every time he came back home to you.

It was euphoria, to feel him with you again.

But every high has to come down at some point.

The sound of arguing pulled you from your sleep. It was 2 in the morning when you rolled over to see a space where Miguel was originally sleeping beside you. It wasn’t unusual for Miguel to wake up in the middle of the night to work at the kitchen table or yell to Jess about some other spider variant that messed up a mission; one named Peter seemed to come up very frequently. However it seemed like this specific conversation went on for a fairly long time, you could even begin to here Miguel’s voice shake with whoever he was speaking to.

You slipped on a new t shirt from Miguel’s drawer since the clothes you previously had on had been ripped to shreds. His voice became more and more clear as you made your way down the hall

Miguel: “Do you already have an idea on who it could be?…Fuck. Okay, I’ll *sigh* I’ll be there soon.” He hung up and pinched the bridge of his nose in a mixture of frustration and disappointment.

Y/N: “Youre leaving again aren’t you?” Your voice startled him out of his sulk.

Miguel: “…Jess suspects there’s a spider variant that’s purposely letting anomalies run loose in other dimensions. I have to handle this Y/N...”

7 hours, it took 7 hours to fall into the same old routine. It was honestly amusing at this point, all you could do was laugh. How stupid you were to think things could be any different. How stupid you were to think that HE could be any different.

Y/N: “Are you fucking serious?!” You shouted

Miguel: “Y/N Stop it, not right now please. I need you to just go back to bed and let me—

Y/N: “Let you what?! Let you leave me and come back anytime you find it convenient? How long are you gonna be gone this time Miguel, a month this time? Do you even care about the promise you kept to me? Or do I even cross your mind when you’re out there dimensions away from home playing hero for everyone else but me? This isn’t a hotel Miguel, this is our home! At least that what it fucking used to be!” You fumed. He towered above you but that didn’t stop from getting in his face, “It’s not fair Miguel! You don’t get to leave me alone for weeks and come back and fuck me thinking that’ll make it all better! You have to be better!”

Miguel: “You need to stop acting like you’re the only person in my world that needs my attention! I’m not a monster for putting the safety of the multiverse first. Im sorry I can’t be here to rock you to bed and give you a kiss goodnight all the time. Sometimes we have to put personal matters on the back burner Y/N, it’s called responsibility!” He gathered his phone and the rest of his belongings off the kitchen table

Miguel: “I have enough to worry about as it is, having you and Jess blowing up my phone to go to some party with people I don’t even know doesn’t he—

Y/N: “What?” Your tone was softer and started to become laced with hurt, it was evident in the way your voice started to shake, “Jess called you that night and it took you a week to come back?”

Realization of what he just said settles in and it makes his brows furrow in frustration and both himself and you. When he looks over at you with that same stupid emotionless face he always has you can’t help but boil with anger. His nonchalance towards your problems made you curl your fist until your knuckles turned white

Y/N: “No you’re not a monster, but you are an ASSHOLE for making me believe you could balance work and me! Why are you even with me if you can’t—

Miguel: “This conversation is over, I have a job to do and youre keeping me from doing it.” He cut you off harshly, dismissing your concerns yet again.

Y/N: “I never asked you to sacrifice your obligations! I said from the beginning that being a hero comes first, just make some goddamn time for me now and then! Why Miguel? Why do I have to beg you to see my family at Christmas?! Why do I have to beg you to meet my friends or give me an ounce of attention?! Why do I have to ask you to care about me?!”, This was frustrating him too much, your lack of understanding was infuriating. Miguel had to leave before he said something he might regret. He turned away from you and your manic sobbing and made his way to the window seal without another word, afraid that he might damage things worse than they already were by speaking

Y/N: “If we switched places I wouldn’t DARE treat you as terribly as you treat me—

Miguel: “WELL YOURE NOT ME! YOU SIT AT A DESK AND DOODLE ON A FUCKING COMPUTER! YOUR CAREER IS A JOKE, A CHILD COULD DO WHAT YOU DO. YOU CONTRIBUTE NOTHING TO THIS WORLD, I DO.” His nostrils flared and his eyes burned red with anger, “SO DONT YOU DARE SPEAK ABOUT MY LIFE LIKE YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, WHAT IVE HAD TO SACRIFICE JUST TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT IN THIS WORLD!”

Y/N: “GOD. YOU ARE SUCH A CUNT!”

Miguel: “AND YOURE A REPLACEMENT!”

Miguels eyes widened and his rampage instantly stopped. You couldn’t believe the words that had just left his mouth, and honestly he couldn’t either. He didn’t mean it at all, he wanted to take back those words as soon as the left his mouth, he just wanted to leave. Why didn’t you just let him leave? He wouldve been right back. The air was thick and uncomfortable, your combined heavy breathing was the only thing filled the space between the two of you.

Miguel: “I…I’ll be right back.” There was a shakiness in his voice and in his movement when he stepped out onto the fire escape.

Y/N: “Dont come back. If you leave tonight…don’t come back Miguel.” You spoke in a tone barely above a whisper

Miguel: “We’ve said things we don’t mean…I’ll be back later to fix things.” His suit integrated onto his body and he leapt off of the building ledge. A blur of blue and red was the only trace he left behind.

The truth was out now, how Miguel really felt towards you. You were never a first priority or even a second or third, you were nothing but a soul to fill the space where something else was missing. His wife, his daughter, you never tried to stand in their place or become what they were to him, but now you knew that’s the only reason Miguel kept you around. You were his vice

Your heavy cries carried throughout the apartment as you laid in bed cradling the maroon cardigan that was in the gift box Miguel got you.

The spider society headquarters was empty and calm, but the office at the top floor was anything but. Miguel sat atop of his hovering platform brooding in silence in front of his computer monitors, It’d been like this since he arrived. Miguel was always stern and reserved, he never held a conversation with anyone other than Jess or Lyla so him being fairly quiet was normal. But for Miguel to not say anything at all was strange, and it didn’t take long for others to take notice of his behavior shift since leaving your apartment

Margo, Peter, and Jess were the last people at headquarters, after a long day of interrogating potential rogue variants the crew was finally successful and able to apprehend Spiderman on Earth-3360. What will happen to the young man wasn’t decided yet but catching him was a cause for celebration. The group sat around the cafeteria table sharing empanadas and Soju for a few minutes before they went back to their own universes

Margo: “Yeah Ive been in his office all day with him and Lyla and he’s barely said 2 sentences, he wasn’t even mean during interrogation. It’s like he didn’t have it in him to yell. I think he’s depressed or something.”

Peter: “I thought he was always depressed, that’s like his thing isn’t it? That’s why he’s not funny.” He joked and finished off the last empanada

Jess: “I don’t know but I need to get home, my back is killing me and I can’t deal with The Grinch any longer.” She said taking letters hand to help her up from the chair.

The group said goodnight to each other, Margo logged off and Jess went home to some much needed rest, honestly this line of work seems too dangerous for a pregnant woman. Peter made his way up to Miguel’s office, who he knew could hear the entire conversation thanks to his enhanced hearing.

Peter: “You know they’re right Miguel…” he shouted up to Miguel who was brooding on his platform

Miguel: “About what?” he asked in a condescending tone

Peter: “About you, you don’t think we’ve noticed you moping around all day. Do you wanna tell me what the deal is so you can stop pouting?” he swung onto the platform and took a seat next to Miguel, crossing his arms and sitting firm in place waiting for Miguel’s response but he was met with silence, “Is it the rogue variant? Cuz we’re not gonna let this happen again…”

Miguel: “No.”

Peter: “Miles? Gwen? Ben?”

Miguel: “No it’s none of them.” He turned his attention away from him and focused on organizing the handful of papers on his desk

Peter: “Then what is it? Is it Y/N?”

Miguel: “Did I say anything about Y/N?! Why even bring her up?!” He snapped, it was exhausting having to work and act like every terrible thing he said wasn’t weighing on his mind. Miguel couldn’t even interrogate the variant with losing focus, having to have Jess switch him out is gonna remain one of the most embarrassing points in his Spider-Man career. Peter was never a first choice for a sounding board, but it was only going to get worse for Miguel if he didn’t turn to someone for advice, because Lord knows he was terrible at handling relationship problems on his own

Miguel: “I said something bad, really really bad Peter…” he confessed. He took a seat in the chair next to him

Peter: “Do you wanna be more specific?”

Miguel: “I told her that her career was a joke. Then I called her…a replacement.” Peters eyes widened, he knew Miguel was capable of harsh words, he’d seen it first hand with Miles but this was unexpected. Especially with you, the girl he fawned over and practically stalked at work until you made the first move.

Peter: “Shit, Miguel. That’s really messed up…Did you mean it?” He asked

Miguel: “No of course not! I didn’t mean any of it, I was just frustrated. I’m not the bad guy for prioritizing my duties! She just wasn’t listening Peter, she wasn’t understanding any of what I was saying or where I was coming from. I didn’t mean what I said.”

Peter: “So why did you say it?!” Peter exclaimed

Miguel: “I DONT KNOW!”, He slouched over in his chair and cradled his head in his hands, his own words made him sick to his stomach. How he urged to tell you how guilty he was for what he said, for never being there, for making you feel like you didn’t mean anything, “I just wanted her to be quiet, everything she was saying was right but it made me feel guilty and awful. I wanted to make her feel worse than I felt. God I’m so fucking dumb…”

Peter: “You know I’m not good with this, it wasn’t long ago that I was a sad piece of shit too with a partner at home who basically couldn’t stand me. That being said, I also know that when it feels like nothing you say can make up for everything you said, and you said A LOT, maybe too much. I would never say something like that, that was insane…”

Miguel: “Peter…” he said through gritted teeth

Peter: “Sorry sorry, that being said when it feels like there’s nothing you can say that could make up for everything you said, a simple apology means more than you think it does. A real apology Miguel.” Peter looked at him, he didn’t need words to know that Peter was basically tell him to finally get his shit together.

Miguel: “What if she doesn’t accept it?”

Peter: “She will if you mean it…”

Passing buildings were a blur to Miguel, he was racing home so fast he couldn’t even focus on anything around him. While he swung from structure to structure he planned out every single thing he’d say to you, how he’s sorry for failing you in this relationship and he’d change for the both of you. He even tried to remember if there was still cinnamon in the spice cabinet so he could make you your favorite comfort drink, champurrado.

Miguel soon landed on the fire escape outside your apartment, you made a habit of leaving the curtains open for him so he could see if you were up or not and now it was an involuntary part of your routine. He peeked inside and saw you sleeping peacefully on your bed, hoping to come join you he tried to open the window but it wasn’t budging.

‘Had you locked it on purpose?’ He thought to himself, no you couldn’t have, you always left in unlocked for him. But when he saw the book you had used to block the window from being moved he panicked. Miguel knocked on your window, frantic and desperate

Miguel: “Y/N! Y/N! Unlock the window!” He pleaded. His knocking stirred you out of your sleep and you sat up in your bed, your puffy eyes on full display. When you finally looked over at him you were emotionless just as he was to you, it terrified him seeing you look at him with no longing or affection

Miguel: “Let me in…please cariño”, he begged

You were so tired, you were so tired of wondering why your boyfriend left you to question his love for you and now after tonight you know why. You stood face to face with him, the window still a barrier between you and him. It ate away at you but you couldn’t stand another night asking yourself why you weren’t getting the love you deserved. You had your answer and you didn’t need Miguel around anymore, not if you were going to be another substitute for what was missing.

Miguel: “Y/N…Y/N please wait!—

You closed the curtain in his face and went back to bed but it didn’t stop his knocking and pleading, begging for you to let him in and mend what he broke. It continued for an hour until you were convinced he eventually gave up and left. Him being gone finally gave you a chance to break down once again into your sheets, but Miguel sat on the fire escape listening to every choked out sob and hiccup you let out. Every painful cry the he caused you and now he wondered if he’d ever be able to fix it.

#across the spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel spiderverse #peter parker #into the spider verse #spiderman #miguel x y/n #atsv miguel #miguel o’hara angst #miguel o’hara smut #hobie brown #miles molares #atsv

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moregraceful · 3 months

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wip....sunday?? new york rangers post-apocalypse au...

;;

The kids are alright, for definitions of alright. None of them have a green thumb to save their lives, though Chris has been trying to teach them, but all three of them are crafty, determined to survive. Kaapo can fight off the wolves without a scratch, Alexis can scatter the owls without hurting them or himself, K’Andre can see the ghosts, and all three of them can dodge a bullet without panicking. If nothing else, Chris taught them that last one well.

They sleep on a mattress on Chris’s living room floor, three kids in their early twenties from three different countries, finding comfort in each other after being left behind in New York by three different national teams. When the veil split over the Atlantic and the soul of the universe came pouring out, Kaapo and Alexis couldn’t go home. K’Andre won’t go home. And Chris won’t leave them alone.

Today, the kids go looking for food, or possibly trouble, leaving Chris at home with his garden. Chris is never really sure when grocery store runs are just thin excuses to antagonize haunted wildlife or see how far they can run across the Hudson before the ice is too weak to support their former hockey player bodies, but as long as no one’s actively bleeding when they come back, he doesn’t really care. He’s not their dad, except that he’s the only one they’ve got left to rely on, so he sort of is. He’s only nine years older than K’Andre, and ten years older than Alexis and Kaapo, but it feels like more, sometimes, when they come home in before dark with their eyes shiny and their hands wet with something or someone else’s blood, laughing with hearts that are growing harder each day.

Chris likes quiet time in his garden, working in the weak summer sun on the rooftop in the dirt. He’s been working on it for a couple years now, since the world turned wild and strange. Before, he had not paid much attention to the garden – as a professional hockey player, he had not had much time or energy to pay attention to his apartment building’s community garden – but as the years have gone by, he’s grown to love it. The vegetables he’s grown in the garden boxes, the small citrus trees he’s managed to coax to life in the winter. It helps having collected Kaapo, K’Andre and Alexis off the street early on, because they’re quite often bored and while they don’t have much interest in gardening, they love when Chris gives them pictures of plants he ripped out of stolen library books with titles like Native Plants of New York or Container Gardening For The Stay-At-Home Mom and sends them on a mission to find what he wants. They’re eager to please and love a challenge and he prefers the days when they come home just as the sun is setting, loaded down with plants in their pockets and hoods and arms. It beats the days when they come home bloody or sopping wet just after dark.

Today, he’s working on the lemon tree, a small little bush that is barely past his knees. It won’t bear fruit for several months, but he worries about its survival endlessly. It’s stupid of him – he should worry more about the tomatoes, he’s pretty sure, or anything that needs more sunlight than their summers provide these years. But he wants this little lemon tree to survive. It was the first thing the boys found for him and he’s desperate for it to live. They were teenagers growing restless and cranky indoors, until he was satisfied they wouldn’t die on the street without him and tore out a picture of a lemon tree from a book he’d stolen from the bookstore down the street, Fruit Trees for Urban Growers, and told them to go to the Botanical Garden and find him a lemon.

They’d stolen an entire tree, coming home as the sun was going down, yelling with pride for Chris to look at what they’d done. It almost died in the first three months, shrank considerably like the rest of Chris’s world, but Chris coaxed it into wanting to survive.

He can hear the boys down the street, yelling about something. He has no idea if they’re yelling at each other or someone else. Four years past their World Junior Tournament in Buffalo and three years since Chris rescued them off the street, and they’ve grown skinnier, grittier, more emotional. He doesn’t want to know what they do all day and doesn’t really care, as long as they come home before dark.

Gunshots down the street, more yelling. Chris ignores whatever is going on down there and focuses on clipping off dead leaves of the lemon tree and letting them fall to the ground around the trunk. He read in a book that the dead leaves help fruit-bearing trees grow, that mulch created from the dead leaves will help a tree become stronger, bear more fruit.

How poetic to grow stronger from a part of you dying, he thinks grimly. He clips off another dead leaf.

Down in the street, Kaapo, K’Andre, and Alexis are laughing.

#sunday afternoons are supposed to be my weekend but i have been doing pastoral care stuff all day 😩😩#someone gave me a $30 starbucks giftcard and i've been sitting in here for like an hour trying to make myself write one single email #that would help with the care stuff but i'm so tired...maybe another latte idk #unfortunate birdcage fanfictions

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languajix · 2 months

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Hold Every Memory: The Soundtrack

I don't think it's particularly subtle that I've been using song lyrics for the titles of these fics, but here are the sources for the ones so far, with a little bit of explanation/thoughts:

Hold Every Memory as you Go

Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth - See You Again

It's been a long day Without you, my friend And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again We've come a long way From where we began Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

Donatello, telling his brothers what he's been up to. They have come a long way from where they began, back in their world, together.

So let the light guide your way, yeah Hold every memory as you go And every road you take Will always lead you home, home

The 'lights' being the threads of light that lead him to connect with his brothers, and the hope that they will eventually lead him home. This song was, obviously, the first one picked (and at the time, the only one ever intended). It's the general feeling I wanted to capture in the fic, and the series overall. Something positive, a little melancholic.

I'll Carry You Home (No, You're Not Alone)

Paradise Fears - Battle Scars

This is an anthem for the homesick, for the beaten, the lost, the broke, the defeated A song for the heartsick, the standbys, living life in the shadow of a goodbye

Donatello is homesick. Lost. Living life in the shadow of a goodbye he was never able to give.

Do you remember when we learned how to fly? We'd play make-believe; we were young and had time on our side. You're stuck on the ground, Got lost, can't be found Just remember that you're still alive

The first two lines of this remind me of the passage from Ghost in the Shell where they talk about the kids playing King of the Hill on the dumpster. How big New York seemed back then.

I'll carry you home No, you're not alone Keep marching on, This is worth fighting for You know we've all got battle scars You've had enough, But just don't give up Stick to your guns, You are worth fighting for You know we've all got battle scars Keep marching on

As a song for Michelangelo and Donatello, I wanted something hopeful.

'Cause Your Future's Ready to Shine

Owl City - When Can I See You Again

Switch on the sky and the stars glow for you Go see the world 'cause it’s all so brand new Don’t close your eyes 'cause your future’s ready to shine It’s just a matter of time before we learn how to fly

It's been fun but now I've got to go Life is way too short to take it slow But before I go and hit the road I got to know, 'til then, when can we do this again?

The kidfic! I was looking for something really upbeat for this one. I like the echo of 'learning how to fly' from Battle Scars. Both the adults and the kids have a lot of life to live in between their meetups, but every time they part, they can't wait to see each other again!

Don't Hold Back (Just Shout It Out)

Mariette - Shout It Out

Why keep it in when you can say it? Why think again when you can change things? Don't hold back (Just shout it out) Why make it hard and complicate this? So many hours that you'll be wastin' Don't hold back (Just shout it out)

Something something, the shouting scene, Raph yelling/punching Don which led to the breakthrough, etc. Not super happy with this one, but I couldn't find a song that really hit me as The Right One...

-----

I do have some more songs on the playlist, and I'm always looking for more:

-The Space Between from the Descendants 2 soundtrack. I was listening to the soundtrack again the other day and it just hit me like a freight train:

I know you have to stay (But I'll never really leave you) Nothing has to change (Even though we've changed)

And you can find me in the space between Where two worlds come to meet I'll never be out of reach 'Cause you're a part of me so you can find me in the space between You'll never be alone No matter where you go We can meet in the space between

I don't even have any commentary on this one because it just sums up the entire essence of things. I think I might be using a line from this as a title for the Leo fic? I've got to think about it.

-Pompeii by Bastille. If I were ever to write anything solely from the perspective of one of Donnie's brothers, or anyone on the SAINW side, I'd pull a title from this song 100%.

And the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love Grey clouds roll over the hills, bringing darkness from above

But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

-The Call by Regina Spektor.

I'll come back when you call me No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning It's just a feeling and no one knows yet But just because they can't feel it too Doesn't mean that you have to forget Let your memories grow stronger and stronger 'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back when they call you No need to say goodbye

I think this might be a contender for the finale part. (...this AU keeps growing every time I turn around, though, so don't take this as a sign that anything is ending anytime soon.)

Anyways, that was a lot more revealing about my general music taste than I think I meant for it to be. Ah well. If anyone has any recommendations on other songs that generally fit this AU, I'd love to hear them!

#hold every memory au #jix stuff

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mangoisms · 1 year

Text

like the part of the song where it falls ━ miyuki kazuya

━ part three: also i wanted to be able to love. and we all know how that one goes, don’t we? read part one / part two

━ wc: 6k

━ warnings: none

━ masterpost

“It stinks in here.”

That’s the first thing Miyuki says when he steps into the studio the next day.

Jerry, at the computer, laughs quietly.

You grin. “Yeah. Sorry. That would be Dennis.”

“Right. Saw the release today. They’re not shutting you down.”

“Well, it was put much more nicely there. They’re not shutting us down now but they are giving us the rest of the year to perform well. If we don’t —” you make a cutting motion with your hand across your neck “— we’re out.”

“Fixed our pay, though,” Jerry mutters, sending you a sidelong glance.

Righttt. Dennis had unapologetically let it slip you’d been covering part of his check. You think it was revenge for him getting in trouble for not sending a representative down for the company to the press conference but really, it just makes them sound like assholes.

Jerry was a little upset about it but you’d pressed that if push came to shove, you had your sister and Hector to fall back on. He had no one other than his grandma and while DJing at parties brings in a little extra side cash, it wouldn’t have been enough had you not stepped in.

But that’s over now. They’re paying him his old rate again.

Of course, you two might end up turned out onto the street come the new year but you’d cross that bridge when you got to it.

Miyuki doesn’t say anything to that, though his eyes sweep over to you curiously. You just shake your head minutely. You’ll tell him downstairs.

You and Jerry had come in early to set up. He hadn’t changed much but you two needed to do a few tests, run through some things, wake up that old muscle memory of how things used to be.

Things are the same again now, except for the purple bruise on your temple, the professional baseball player standing in your studio, and the hubbub about your return tonight.

“You want anything from downstairs, Mouser?”

Jerry shakes his head. “Had Jersey Mike’s earlier. I’m still good. When’re you gonna be back?”

“Won’t be long. We’re doing BestBuy tomorrow. Probably just an hour or something. That okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Where is the Lysol, though? He is right. Freakin’ stinks of weed in here.”

You snicker. “It’s in the closet.”

“Right, thanks. Have fun.”

You go over to Miyuki, who is taking in the room. Overall a small recording studio, you have the control room, where Jerry operates the sound board, then the live room — the actual studio — wherein you broadcast from. Both areas are separate from each other. A glass window mounted above the sound board looks into it, showing the desk with the various computer screens, your mic and headphones, and a chair. On the walls inside the control room you have a few puzzles you and Jerry have done together framed, along with newspaper clippings of Night Owl’s sparse mentions in the media.

More have appeared, though, from far more well-known newspapers, like the Washington Post, the New York Times. The new ones read things like:

WHO AND WHAT IS NIGHT OWL, KCSD’S NIGHTTIME RADIO SEGMENT?

SOCAL’S MOST UNDERRATED RADIO SEGMENT, NIGHT OWL, ON 101.1 FM

UNKNOWN TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC BUT BELOVED BY UC STUDENTS AND GRAVEYARD SHIFT WORKERS, NIGHT OWL, A RADIO SEGMENT

HOW THE PADRES’ WINNING HOME-RUN OF THE WORLD SERIES THRUSTED A LITTLE-KNOWN SHOW INTO STARDOM

“Little-known show? That’s kinda cruel. And that’s coming from me.”

Jerry snickers.

You grin. “Yeah, well, sympathetic press gets us more listeners, so they can keep going.”

“That is true…”

The two of you slip out of the studio.

He glances at you and smirks. “Nice shirt.”

You grin, tugging at the black shirt with just the Wonder Woman logo on the breast. “Thank you. Wonder Woman is excellent. I have a poster of her and the Wonderfam in my room.”

“Of course you do.”

He pushes the down button for the elevator.

“I’ve been thinking I want to get some more snails if I get a bigger tank, like two of them, and you know what I’m gonna name them?”

“Let me guess — Wonder Woman and Superman?”

“Aw, look at you. All knowledgeable about comics now.”

“Well, you did talk my ear off about it for two hours straight.”

The elevator doors slide open.

You smile. “I did, didn’t I?”

Your studio is on the tenth floor of KCSD’s building, which is located in Hillcrest, a neighborhood west of your apartment in Normal Heights. Right across the I-805.

Outside, the sun is beginning its descent. The time change is in a couple days, so it’ll be setting even earlier after that. You take the time to enjoy the last long days of sunlight. It’s warm today, perfectly comfortable, especially with the sun still out and a light breeze. You’re in your Wonder Woman t-shirt, dark jean shorts, your regular Doc Martens that are scuffed and worn, and a pair of black over-the-knee socks, finished with a black cherry lip lacquer.

“So, what was he talking about? Did they lower your pay?”

“Not mine. His. A few months ago. But,” you sigh, tilting your face to the sky, closing your eyes as you come to the crosswalk. You still need a second to adjust to the brightness. “Jerry lives on his own with his grandmother. It’s just them two. She has diabetes, though, and needs medication for it. We get insurance but it doesn’t cover the entirety of the prescription. The two of them wouldn’t have been able to live on that paycheck, so I told payroll to fill it from mine.”

Miyuki is quiet for a second. You open your eyes, a little more adjusted to the light.

“Nice of you,” he says at last.

“It’s just me and Batman and Robin. It made the most sense.”

“Hm.”

The light turns. You two cross the street to the 7-Eleven, where Rico’s Tacos, a food truck, sits adjacent of.

You and Jerry are loyal customers to them, so when you step up the window, you are instantly recognized.

“Tee! What’s up? We heard about what happened! Free tacos for life, yeah? Or, well, maybe just a few months.”

You grin up at Jaime Moreno as he leans out the window, handsome face split into a grin.

“Cheap ass,” his sister, Juana ‘Janie’ Moreno, hisses, shoulder checking him out of the window to grin down at you. “Mi cielito, you can have as many free tacos as you want!”

“She’s not gonna go on a date with you,” Jaime mutters.

“Yeah, well, she’s not gonna go on a date with you either, stupid ass.”

You laugh. Miyuki snorts quietly.

Janie’s eyes dart to him, eyebrow raising. “Who’s this?”

Jaime looks at him, too, blinking.

You can’t help but laugh. “This is Miyuki. He’s the guy who concussed me.”

“Ohhh,” they say in unison.

“Sorry, man,” Jaime says, eyes twinkling. “We don’t watch much baseball.”

“Oh, don’t feel bad,” you say. “I didn’t know who he was until I woke up in the hospital.”

“Okay,” Miyuki says. “Why don’t we order?”

“Right.”

You place your orders, he pays, and in no time, you’re sitting on the curb next to each other, soda bottles between you, feasting on your still-hot tacos.

“Okay,” he says around a mouthful of a spicy chicken taco. “This is good.”

“Right? And look, no allergic reactions!” You grin, gesturing to yourself.

He snickers.

You two sit in a relatively peaceful silence. Cars drive up and down the street, some pulling into 7-Eleven for gas and snacks, while others line up at Rico’s for dinner. A few pigeons land near you, cooing, no doubt eyeing your food.

Gold rays paint over you, picking out the red highlights in Miyuki’s dark hair, light brown skin glowing.

Your stomach swoops like you missed a step and you look away.

On the sidewalk, a teenage girl walks a small dog. A little girl skips ahead of them, running through the pigeons, letting out a delighted laugh as they flutter away.

You smile, watching her go.

Across the street, a woman hurries down the sidewalk, arms laden with grocery bags. One of them breaks, groceries spilling out. You pause, already starting to set your plate down to run across the street and help her, but someone else swoops in, kindly helping to pick up the vegetables and fruits that tumbled onto the concrete.

You sigh wistfully. “I love humanity.”

“Not exactly representative of humanity collectively, is it? Logically speaking.”

“These are just outliers, you think?”

He nods like it should be obvious. “There are lots of words to describe humanity but I’m not sure good is one of them.”

“No?” you ask lightly.

He shrugs. “Look at what we do. Pollute the earth, start wars over nothing, create mass weapons of destruction. Doesn’t sound very good to me.”

“You think humanity is inherently selfish and bad?”

“I don’t know. I don’t see anything that says it’s inherently good.”

You smile. “How miserable you must be to resent your own kind.”

“I don’t resent humanity. I just don’t think we’re good. That’s all.”

“So, what do you believe in?”

“Myself.”

“Miserable and lonely, then. Sounds like an excuse.”

“An excuse?”

“You’re letting them win,” you say patiently. “Being a cynic, thinking humanity is a plague on this earth, that’s the easy way out. It excuses you, doesn’t it? Despair and cynicism are easy. It absolves you of responsibility. Removes yourself from the equation, from the possibility of helping because, why help if there is no hope?”

You pause and take a breath. You aren’t hungry anymore. Something bubbles inside your chest but you force yourself to be calm. To be patient.

“Miyuki… You aren’t smart or philosophical for saying humanity is doomed. Not at all. You have to believe humanity is good.”

“Why?”

“Humanity named kindness so it must know kindness. We just saw a stranger help another stranger. They didn’t have to. But they did. If you look for greed, selfishness, or corruption, you will find it. Try looking for kindness for once, for the goodness of humanity.”

“You —”

“Are naive? The way that I am, it is strategic. Necessary. Because what else do we have? It’s too easy to go that route. And it’s what they want. The government wants us hopeless, wants us to think there is no way to solve the problems we have created. Wants us to think we are inherently greedy, selfish, and evil because it absolves them of responsibility. And when we believe it, it absolves us of responsibility, too. But it’s a double-whammy, because not only that, but we’re also getting fucked over by the government all the while. No one wins. Nothing gets better.”

You set your food ahead, gazing intently at him. In the setting rays of the sun, his eyes are honey brown.

“Even if you can’t bring yourself to believe that, at least appreciate that you are here, existing with everyone else. How extraordinary it is that we even exist. You know how young the universe is? It’s just barely coming into adolescence. For this brief moment in time, life can exist. But for most of the universe’s life, it will be cold, dark, and empty. Stars will die out. Even the black holes will die in some quadrillion years.”

“Just sounds like an existential crisis if you ask me.”

“We’re here, Miyuki. Existing in that haven in time. We should enjoy our time here.”

“I enjoy my life.”

You take a leap.

“I’m saying other than baseball.”

He falters. You can tell you’ve got him out, because his next words are sharp again.

“Awfully presumptuous, aren’t you?”

You knew that. And yet, something inside you urged you to say it anyway. To presume.

“I’m happy to be proved wrong.”

He’s quiet for a long moment. The sky is painted shades of pink and orange as the sun sets.

“What do you want me to say?”

“What do you do for fun?”

“Baseball.”

“Other than baseball. I like photography, doing puzzles in my free time, watching Say Yes to the Dress, reading poetry, and making playlists. Not just for the show but for me, too. I like watching Batman and Robin move around in their tank. I like — love — the ocean and the beach. I like swimming, too, but the ocean is usually too cold for that, and the pool at my apartment complex isn’t taken care of enough and while I love swimming — love that feeling after several hours of it, when you’re in bed and you feel like you’re rocking on a boat — my fear of getting a UTI is stronger.”

His lips twitch.

You nudge his shoulder with yours. “There has to be something. Like my puzzles. I do them in my free time but also if the show is particularly slow. Jerry likes to do sudoku and he likes Star Wars, but not the recent movies that come out. He says those all suck. Rogue One is apparently the only good movie to come out. I’ve seen it. It’s actually very… touching.”

He sets his plate down with a sigh and picks up the soda bottle, which is sweating in the warm weather. Air hisses out as he untwists the cap. He takes a drink. You try not to stare at the long line of his neck, Adam’s apple bobbing. Focus. You need to focus and stop ogling him.

Easier said than done.

“What are you going to do during the offseason?” you ask, trying for a difference approach.

“The usual. Workout. Review game footage. Plan for next season. The only thing different now is I’m still house hunting and no, real estate doesn’t much interest me outside of that.”

You purse your lips, thinking.

He sets the bottle down and looks at you.

“You should show me.”

“Show you what?”

“How to…” he gestures aimlessly. “Enjoy life. Outside of baseball, I mean.”

You give him a sad smile. “It’s not exactly something that can be taught, Miyuki.”

“Maybe not. But it’s worth a shot. Prove it to me and I’ll believe you.”

“I’m not going to do it because of that. I don’t care about being right or wrong. You can think what you’d like. But… if you really want to, maybe I can help you get into the swing of it.”

“Do your worst.”

“No,” you say, smiling. “I’m going to do my best.”

The look in his eyes is hard to quantify but the set of his mouth is soft.

“I look forward to it.”

[Night Owl Transcript — 20:07 — 11/4/2022]

Tee: It’s great to be back here, guys. Really, really great. I’m in desperate need of some good old human connection. Lucky, too, that our switchboard is literally lighting up. Wow. [Laughing] What a reception. Trending on Twitter, too. That’s fun. Don’t worry, guys, we’ll get to callers in a sec, for now, our first song of the night… I thought about it for a long time. Interestingly enough, there is only one song I know of in my catalog with the word concussion in it. And it’s a great song! But not the tone I’d like to set for tonight. So…

[Coldplay’s “A Head Full of Dreams” starts in the background]

Tee: What’s tonight's theme? Frankly, it’s me being grateful to be alive. To be here right now, in this moment of time. I hope you guys can feel that, too.

[“A Head Full of Dreams” plays] Leave your broken windows open And in the light streams And you get a head A head full of dreams

[Night Owl Transcript — 21:47 — 11/4/2022]

Caller 52: Hello? Tee: Hi! Thanks for calling in. What’s your name? Caller 52: My name is Emi. Tee: Hi, Emi! I’m Tee. Where are you calling from? Caller 52: From Japan, actually. Tee: No way, are you serious? Caller 52: Yes. It’s only the afternoon here, so it’s easy to listen in. Many of my friends are since everything happened with Miyuki-san. I just wanted to say we are glad you’re okay. We’ve been listening for the last week but we’ll keep listening. So, you have some supporters across the pacific, too. Tee: Hey, Emi, I really appreciate that. Thank you. And since it’s only the afternoon there, I hope you have a good day, too. I’ve seen a lot on Twitter saying people not just from San Diego or the SoCal area are listening in and so many callers are saying that, too. Guys — that is so sick.

[Tai Verdes’ “A-O-K” starts in the background]

Tee: I feel like I’ve been saying it all night but — you guys are freakin’ awesome. I’m glad we’re all here tonight.

[“A-O-K” plays] Livin’ in this big blue world With my head up in outer space I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K When I see trouble come my way I’ll be makin' lemonade

[Night Owl Transcript — 22:54 — 11/5/2022]

Caller 106: I just think it’s crazy that was your first baseball game, ever! Tee: [Laughs] Yeah, I know, just my luck, right? Caller 106: Is it true he paid for your hospital bills? Tee: Every cent. From my week-long stay for the concussion and for the allergic reaction, too. Caller 106: God, that is awesome. It’s really nice to have you back, Tee. Mouser did good but it’s just not the same. You’ve gotten me through three years of college. Tee: Hey, that was all you. I just kept you company. Any requests? Caller 106: I’m about to drive home from work. I could use something to keep me awake. Something I can sing along to, you know? Tee: Oh, I got you. Roll down the windows and enjoy — and drive safely, please.

[AWOLNATION’s “Pacific Coast Highway in the Movies” plays] I’m lonely, I’m confused, and I’m glad that you’re here Give me shiny things to stop my tears Pacific coast highway in the movies You promised me sunshine, why’s it gloomy? We’ll wait ‘til the night to catch the moonbeams Pacific coast highway in the movies

(03:07) you ever been to the zoo? (12:30) Jesus is that how long night owl runs? Until 3 am???? (12:30) yes :DDD good morning (12:31) It’s noon (12:31) And are you asking in general? (12:32) :( i’m talking about here! (12:32) Haha I know I just wanted to mess with you (12:32) No I’ve never been (12:33) we must fix fhat immediately (12:33) *that. are you busy today??? after bestbuy?? (12:33) Today?? No (12:34) yay! that’s what we’re doing today (12:34) welcome to day 1 of operation enjoy your life (in the offseason)

Things continue like that for the most part.

Night Owl runs from eight to three, so you often sleep in until noon. Not the most sustainable sleeping schedule and the first few days are rough, since you’ve been on a ‘normal’ one without having the show, but once you get into the swing of it, it gets better.

Your days are often free, too, so if Miyuki doesn’t have a photoshoot or an interview or any other kind of public engagement, you’re dragging him around the city.

It’s mostly to just get him outside.

He doesn’t need to pick up, like, knitting or something but… he should go out and do things anyway. They don’t have to be extraordinary, either. Even going out and sitting in a cafe and reading is good.

He’s a bit of a solitary creature, you find. He doesn’t have friends here — “I have the team,” he says, but when you ask whether they hang out, he admits it’s never quite voluntary on his part. More of an obligation. Outside of that, there is nothing else. But the thing is, humans need social contact. Social support. It is quite literally hardwired into your DNA.

And being solitary or a homebody doesn’t have to change. You get wanting to stay home. But it’s just… there’s a balance to these things, right?

Mostly… you just want him to enjoy himself.

Bit by bit, it’s starting to work.

You find yourself at Barnes & Noble with your sister at one point and find a book on Shohei Ohtani that seems interesting. You ask him about it and he says he hasn’t read it.

You buy two copies and drag him to Balboa Park to read on the grass on a particularly warm November day.

He humors you, and most of all, you certainly entertain him by asking, “What the hell an ERA and an OPS are,” and all kinds of questions about the baseball jargon you stumble upon in your reading.

Oftentimes, you bring your new camera, a very expensive model you’d picked out at BestBuy a couple weeks ago after several hours of contemplation.

Photography is just a hobby for you, nothing serious, which is why you still haven’t accepted the Padres’ offer to join their team.

The show is going well. More than well. Most nights, you have a long line of callers and even more interaction on Twitter. Once people discover you, they tend to stick around, liking what they find. It helps you have people from all around the world listening. Your listeners in Japan and other parts of the world get the advantage of it being afternoon when your show airs, so it’s feasible to reach a wide audience there. Especially after all the attention you got.

The blessings of modern technology also allow for each segment to be recorded and stored away on streaming apps, so if people aren’t staying up, they can listen the next day, after the fact. That is a popular option.

The time continues to pass. Miyuki’s birthday comes up — turning a whole twenty-nine. You’re a few years younger than him at twenty-six.

November ends and December begins. The city is festive, houses decorated in their various religious symbols for the upcoming holidays. But of course, the lowest the temperatures will go is the fifties and that’s at night. In the day, it floats around the mid-sixties. Cool but not uncomfortable. For some, it ruins the experience of the winter holidays, but you quite like being able to still wear shorts or leggings during the month, so you don’t complain.

All the while, you and Miyuki hang out. You visit museums, art galleries, exhibits, botanical gardens. Sometimes you go to your apartment and complete your more difficult puzzles since he likes the challenge or you try to teach him photography. Sometimes you go to his apartment and he answers your questions on baseball or you cook together or you play shogi together (more like he teaches you how to play). He’d tried it out after your talk, said he was always forced to play it with one of his old teammates from high school but he hadn’t touched it since he graduated. Mostly, you think he enjoys beating you at it but you don’t mind.

That’s the point, isn’t it?

You’re still searching for new things to explore, though.

“Has there ever been anything you wanted to do as a kid that you never did? I always wanted to go to Magic Mountain but my sister is a scaredy cat.”

“Why didn’t your parents just go with you?”

“Didn’t see any use in even going to Six Flags if she wasn’t going to go and they certainly weren’t going to come with me on rides.”

He glances at you, curious.

The two of you find yourselves sitting in the stands of a Little League game. You’d stepped out of a cafe for a late lunch when he spotted the fields and dragged you over to it, which was a nice surprise. Most often, if your days are not pre-planned, you just go where your whims take you. But now it’s his whims leading you to this field. Probably expecting a high school team or something. No, this is Little League. And you mean Little League.

Most of the kiddos running around look to be four to six years old. Their batting helmets are too big for their heads. Volunteers stand around, watching like hawks.

You watch with a small smile as a little boy hits the ball off the tee, then, instead of running down first base line, runs forward to chase it.

A volunteer swoops in as the other boys of the team close in to grab the ball in clumsy formation; the volunteer lifts the little boy back over to the first base line and urges him on. He finally runs for first base.

Miyuki looks amused, too. You wouldn’t have thought he’d enjoyed watching but these little kids are fun to watch. No one gets upset when they chase the ball after hitting it instead of running to the bases. Or if they make more clumsy mistakes. They’re just kids, after all. Babies, really. But they’re having fun and so, everyone else is, too.

Even Miyuki, who watches with a soft look in his eyes.

Or he was. Now he is looking at you, curiosity clear in those amber brown eyes.

“What?”

“I know I’m being a hypocrite by saying this but you don’t talk much about your parents. Did they visit you when you were in the hospital?”

“You can ask questions about my life, Miyuki. We’re friends. Friends do that.”

“Right.”

“And no, they didn’t.” You shrug. “But that’s fine. My sister and I don’t talk to them. They had very specific visions about what we should do with our lives. Go to an Ivy League, become a doctor, an engineer, a programmer. Neither of us wanted that. My sister wanted to be a flight attendant and I wanted to be a radio host. Not very impressive or glamorous jobs in their eyes and certainly not jobs that would earn us six figures so we could give them money. So. We don’t talk. Well, really, they disowned us. But you know.”

“That…”

You shoot him a grin. “It’s okay. They weren’t that great growing up. They took care of us but it was always just a transactional thing and if we didn’t do something they liked, they always said something like After all we have done for you blah blah blah. As if housing us and clothing us and feeding us makes them good parents.”

You yawn, stretching your arms above your head. “Anyway, we’ve got Hector’s family now. They’re loads better.”

“Endlessly optimistic.”

“I can’t change anything,” you chuckle. “That’s in the past. I’ve grieved it, believe me. But in the end, there’s just nothing left for me. So.”

He nods and turns his eyes back to the field.

Another little boy hits the ball from the tee. He doesn’t try chasing it but he heads straight for second base instead of first.

“My mom died when I was a kid.”

You jolt, head whipping towards him. He doesn’t look at you, instead out at the field, where chaos unfolds, punctuated by parents’ cheers and urges and the kids’ yells and laughter. It balances the weight of his words but you still feel them pierce deep in the soft tissue of your heart.

“After she died, my dad wasn’t all there. For most of my childhood and teenage years, he was never there. Had to cook, clean, balance the checkbook, pay the bills. He came around in my final year of high school but it still wasn’t…”

“Can’t make up for all that you had to do,” you murmur.

“But it’s like you said. I can’t change any of it. He tries now, which I guess is what matters the most in the end.”

“Still,” you say softly. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that from such a young age.”

“I had baseball,” he says, looking at you. “If I didn’t have my parents, I had baseball. But I guess that’s the point of this.”

You tilt your head, silently urging him to go on.

He lifts a shoulder. “I won’t have baseball forever.”

“I don’t know,” you say, smiling. “If there is anyone who can keep going forever, I think it’s you.”

“Yeah. Then they’d ban me from the parks.”

You laugh and turn back around, shifting on the metal bench. Your shoulder brushes his.

“I don’t remember much from my childhood other than wanting to play baseball and be the best,” he says, finally addressing your previous question.

“Didn’t even want to go to an amusement park or something?”

He gives you a suspicious looks. “What’s with you and amusement parks?”

“They’re fun!”

“Didn’t realize you were such an adrenaline junkie, tomcat. Maybe you did get hit with that ball on purpose.”

You laugh. “I am not and I did not! They’re just fun! This is coming from someone who has clearly never experienced the pleasure of a rollarcoaster.”

“There are many words to describe rollarcoasters and a pleasure is not one of them. Besides, you’re still recovering from your concussion. I don’t think it’s a great idea to go on a contraption that shoots you from zero to seventy in a few seconds.”

“I’ll ask Hector when I see him tomorrow for my appointment.”

He chuckles. ”You do that. But you know what I have been thinking?”

“Tell me.”

“We’ve been to the zoo, we’ve been all around the city but… why haven’t we gone to the aquarium yet?”

“Oh, my god, you’re right.”

“Doing anything tomorrow?”

“I have my appointment. We’ll go to the aquarium next week Tuesday. Be less busy.”

“Hey, maybe I’m doing something.”

“Are you?” you ask knowingly.

He looks away. “No… but it’s the principle!”

“You’re right. Are you free next week Tuesday to go to the aquarium?”

“Hmm. Yes.”

You nudge his shoulder, smiling. He nudges back, then stays there, your shoulders and arms pressed together, skin against skin. Your heart does something funny at the feeling.

You stay like that until the game is over.

Your six-week follow up appointment is tomorrow in the afternoon.

Another round of CT and X-ray scans reveal good — great — news. Your brain contusions are completely healed, which finally makes Hector relax. Your skull fracture is entirely healed, too. It wasn’t a very big fracture — if it was, you’d be in a whole lot more trouble, like, brain surgery kind of trouble — so it’s smallness in size lends a hand to your healing. The bruise on your temple is gone, too.

You do have one question, though.

“Soooo, when do you think I’m safe to ride a rollarcoaster?”

“Six months from now,” Hector says flatly.

“What?!”

“One-hundred-and-nineteen. That was the exit velocity on that ball. Concussions don’t just heal like that. They take a long time.”

You pout. You’d figured that. You didn’t think you had to wait six months, though…

“How about two months?”

“Why do you even want to get on one?”

“For fun.”

Hector looks at you for a second, lips pursed. Then he sighs. “Three months. Wait at least three months from the day it happened, so October twenty-fifth to January twenty-fifth. Then after that, you can go. But you must exercise caution. Listen to your body. If you start to feel sick or if your head hurts, stop immediately. Okay? These things are different in everybody but you still have to be careful.”

“I will be. Promise.”

[Night Owl Transcript — 20:34 — 12/9/2022]

Tee: It’s Friday night, folks, which means it’s I-play-music-and-you-imagine-your-lives-as-movies night. Have fun and be safe out there.

[M83’s “Midnight City” plays] Lookin’ at the milky skyline The city is my church It wraps me in its blinding twilight

[Off-air recording starts] Mouser: You and Miyuki sure are spending a lot of time together, huh. Tee: Yeees? Why? Mouser: Just an observation. Tee: Is it really? Mouser: [Laughs] It is! You guys seem like you’re having a lot of fun together. Just surprised, I guess. Tee: Why? Mouser: He just doesn’t seem like the kind of guy you’d be friends with. Tee: I guess not. But he’s not all bad. I just think he’s… Mouser: Got a couple chips on those broad, broad shoulders? Tee, Mouser: [Laughter] Tee: Pretty much. Mouser: I guess I’m not surprised. Guy has bad luck when it comes to concussing people. Tee: [Chuckling] What? Mouser: No way. You don’t know? Tee: Know what? Mouser: Ohhhhh. Oh, shit. Wait. It was this thing… hold on. I’m going in.

Jerry opens the door to the studio, rolling in the chair from the control room. You sit up, sliding off the headphones, pulling your legs from the desk, frowning a little. Midnight City plays quietly from the headphones that you set on the desk.

“I thought you knew,” Jerry says, looking a tad nervous as he rolls up next to you, tapping quickly on his phone.

“I’d never heard anything about it.”

“Well, basically, like, three or four years ago, during his second season here in the US and with the Atlanta Braves, a few weeks into the season, one of his foul balls hit a little girl in the stands.”

“What?”

He passes you his phone. It’s a recent article, talking about not just your concussion, but the other one, too. About a six-year-old girl who, in a home game in Atlanta between the Braves and the Washington Nationals, was hit by a foul ball in the first inning.

“She suffered permanent brain damage,” he says, frowning a little bit. “Like she started having seizures after and stuff. Speech issues, mobility issues. I looked more into it after I first heard about it, just ‘cause I was curious about him, since he was visiting you and stuff. He did the same for her. Paid her hospital bills. Is still paying for stuff regarding her healthcare and making sure she has a good quality of life, I think. They say she’s doing good now.”

“That’s good at least,” you mumble, still scrolling the article.

“But… after it happened, he slumped bad. Like really bad. Like the worst slump of his career apparently. This guy’s, like, a heavy hitter, right? Up there with Judge and Trout, I’ve heard. Defensively speaking, he was still okay. Not as good as usual but… on the offense, he was even worse. This was after his debut here in the US. One of the Braves’ best seasons to date. But that season…”

Jerry shakes his head.

“I mean, I get it. I probably wouldn’t walk away unscathed but… I don’t know.”

“It’s different in Japan,” you say quietly, handing his phone back. “They’re vigilant about keeping people safe. Here… nothing happens until it’s too late. Has it happened since?”

“No. Your incident was his second one.”

“They’re not the same, though. Behind the foul line… yeah, it should be netted. But out there in the outfield — that was on me.”

“He probably still feels bad, Tee. I mean… yours was bad. You got lucky. Really lucky.”

True. Headaches have increased in frequency and sometimes you’re still sensitive to the sun. But outside of that… you’ll be okay eventually.

You knew there might be some underlying guilt, but never enough for you to reconsider where you stand.

Is he humoring you because of that? Or because you are friends?

You hope it’s because you’re friends. If it’s that first one… you don’t know. What can you do?

You try to think of it from his perspective. If your places were reversed, you’d probably feel a little bit of guilt. But he’s more than made up for it — when he didn’t even have to. He had your forgiveness before you even woke up the day after. He always had it.

“He got better, though, right?”

“Well, he accepted a trade deal with the Padres after that season. Three years here. It ended this season.”

“What?”

“How do you not know that? You guys hang out constantly!”

“The finer points of the Major League Baseball trade do not dominate our conversations!”

He throws his head back and laughs. You grin, too, shaking your head as you glance back to the computer to make sure the next song is correct. It’ll start straightaway.

“Well, don’t worry about it. Your boyfriend —“

“He isn’t my boyfriend! Mouser!”

Jerry ignores you, smiling knowingly. “Your boyfriend accepted a five-year extension. $120 million.”

“You know, on that thought…”

Janelle Monáe’s Make Me Feel starts playing.

You two share a mischievous grin.

You keep on askin’ me the same questions And second-guessin’ all my intentions Should know by the way I use my compression That you’ve got the answers to my confessions

It’s like I’m powerful with a little bit of tender An emotional sexual bender Mess me up, yeah, but no one does it better There’s nothin’ better

That’s just the way you make me feel That’s just the way you make me feel So good, so good, so real

Look, it’s all in good fun, alright?

He isn’t your boyfriend. No way. Your relationship is better now, after those boundaries were tested and are steadily improving as he opens up to you about his life but…

It’s just not possible.

Even if he will be here for the next five years… and maybe more…

No. No. Not happening. It can’t.

It’s not like you’re swearing off the possibility completely but that just seems… out of this world.

Out of the realms of your world.

Yes, he’s horribly handsome and actually kind of funny in that snarky way of his, while also having rare bouts of sensitivity and sometimes your breath catches when you see his face in the sun and your heart does a funny little thing when he looks at you but it’s…

It’s nothing.

It was evening, and no longer summer. Three small fish, I don’t know what they were, huddled in the highest ripples as it came swimming in again, effortless, the whole body one gesture, one black sleeve that could fit easily around the bodies of three small fish.

Also I wanted to be able to love. And we all know how that one goes, don’t we?

#daiya no ace #ace of diamond #miyuki kazuya #daiya no ace x reader #ace of diamond x reader #miyuki kazuya x reader #moss writes

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unfortunate-songbird · 1 year

Text

Analysis because I’m bored

I’d do a venndiagram thing but it won’t fit everything so you get a confusing list instead

Zuko from Avatar. Hunter from Owl House. Leo from Rise. Tommy from DSMP.

What do they have in common?

a frikcin lot, actually

Leo&Hunter&Zuko&Tommy

16 y/old boy

Trauma city baybee

Has cried on screen at least once

Self-sacrificial tendencies (some more prominent than others)

Mental health in the gutter

What’s a therapist

Magic exists

Angst magnets both in canon and in the fandom

Can Not catch a break ever

Cocky

They all have siblings

Dumbass. Every single one of them. They’ve all done really stupid things.

Sometimes they are in absolutely misery and sometimes they are just incredibly funny for no reason

High key dramatic

“Most people find me annoying at first” they piss off a lot of people and can be kinda obnoxious

Strange creatures exist

Distinct color

Almost fell to their death in a very dramatic scene

But wait, there’s more:

Tommy&Hunter&Leo

No mom at all

Literally none

Silly goofy guys <3

Blonde (look ik Leo only had hair for 1 episode and it was evil but let me have this)

Really wants attention/validation and does some stupid stuff to get it (ok Zuko probably does too but it’s a little less?? Obvious?? Idk)

America exists

They live in a comedy world (aside from the angst) and it Shows

Starts out silly goofy and then turns into angst (Avatar was kinda angsty from the beginning)

Knows a few words of Spanish (which is more than Zuko knows considering Spanish doesn’t exist in his world)

Leo&Zuko&Tommy

swords

Don’t wanna flex but they’ve never been possessed (rip Hunter)

Doesn’t travel between realms (fantasy vs the real world but with some magic involved)

Does not attend school at all and shows no interest in doing so

Has a normal vocabulary (doesn’t use nerd words as much as Hunter)

Face visible from their first appearance

Has fist-fought people and will again

Fshshs this one is not very long

Zuko&Hunter&Leo

Cartoon

They can wield magic powers

Has a large support group of people who love them (oof Tommy)

Has at least one good parental figure (oof Tommy)

Recovery! Hopeful endings! :) (oof tommy)

When they almost fell to their death they were saved by a loved one (oof tommy)

Big brother moment (at least one younger sibling)

Very protective over younger siblings (adopted or not)

American accents

Tommy&Hunter&Zuko

human (look hunter’s a clone of a human I’m counting it)

They like girls (probably straight)

Manipulated by one of the most powerful character in their world

Experienced abuse and is very clearly traumatized by it

Not very good at acting like they’re totally fine and not at all mentally ill

Trauma is actually addressed in canon (Fshshs rip Leo)

Goes off into the wilderness alone for a while and comes back disheveled, distressed, and generally not vibing

Can go places without being immediately ostracized due to being an actual turtle (Rip Leo)

Can’t lie to save their lives

Actually exists in other worlds besides just like…. New York

But of course, who would I be if I just stopped there??

Tommy&Hunter

fully blonde

Has had multiple panic attacks on screen

Dog person (hunter likes wolves and tommy does too)

Finds out rather abruptly that their abuser doesn’t care about them and has a mental breakdown over it

Friends are all very very traumatized

Would cry at being accepted into a family (Hunter did and you can’t tell me Tommy wouldn’t bc he really badly wants a family)

People tend to dislike them a lot despite them not really deserving it? (Like yeah they’re a little obnoxious at times but it’s not that big of a deal)

Their animal friends always die :(((

Worrying suicidal/semi-suicidal behavior?? (Hunter was digging his own grave ok I know it was kinda played for humor but that’s messed up. I don’t even need to mention Tommy boy was fully and canonically suicidal)

Spend most of their time in another realm being somewhat? Aware of another realm but no one really going there until much later

LGBTQ rep in canon (not them specifically tho)

“Aw, they’re finally heali- oop, nope, there’s another buttload of trauma”

Zuko&Leo

Uses two swords at once

Very good sword fighter also

Tends to kinda jump into things without thinking even though they’re smart and can strategize well but somehow it works out for them in ways it really shouldn’t

Is occasionally the voice of reason while everyone else is being dumb

Feels weak and powerless next to their super-powerful awesome sibling(s)

Main parental figure is a short Asian man with grey hair that is very powerful but tends to act silly. Also they don’t like utilizing their incredible fighting skills unless necessary bc of their Tragic Past (TM)

Tommy&Leo

Your second priority is your loved ones. Your first priority should always be committing to the bit

Humor coping mechanism

Makes stupid decisions for the funni

Really loves their older brother who gives them a lot of guidance (to the point of almost being a parental figure)

They have a main mentor/parental/familial figure that they really love and that loves them in return but their relationship is somewhat strained due to the mentor figure’s poor mental health causing them to inadvertently hurt them

Make silly noises heehoo

Some angst but mostly funni

They have heartbreaking angst and then straight back to crack levels of comedy

Can be very overconfident in their abilities, especially when it comes to smooth-talking/scamming people

Trapped in a prison with an unbeatable foe and basically beaten to death

They only escaped because of magic previously thought impossible

Angst in a dark void heehoo

Younger brother energy

Antagonizes a lot of people

Allowed to swear

Upset someone who loves them because they didn’t seem to be taking a situation seriously and it ended up with a lot of hurt from both parties

Hunter&Zuko

Father figure is the leader of an oppressive regime

Raised from birth to believe said regime is good and helping people

Good heart under it all

Redemption arc when they figure out they’re on the wrong side (takes a while because they don’t want to think ill of their father figure even though they’re blatantly abusive)

Mental breakdown moment when they realize- was in denial for a long time before that point

Visible scars caused by abuser

Gets a new, actually nice parental figure

Big brother of their friend group

Bulliable

Socially awkward

Changes outfits throughout the show to show their character growth and development

Has some moments of empathy with protagonists before actual redemption arc

Not actually the protagonist/ main focus (look, Tommy and Leo are very much main characters)

Adopted 12 y/o younger brother who is very powerful and they are very protective over him

Little brothers’ eyes glow blue when they use their powers

Zuko&Tommy

theater nerds

Overdramatic

Red guys

Lashes out at people who care about him

Born naturally (as far as we know)

One-on-one duels don’t work out so great for them

They have been Everywhere. Almost every large event involves them somehow

100% actually human

Sometimes uses swords, sometimes other stuff

Don’t do great wandering in the wilderness on their own

Talks to themselves/random animals when stressed

Anger issues anger issues anger issues

Jerk with a heart of gold (real)

Has canonically committed many crimes and doesn’t feel guilt about most of them (some of the worse ones that really hurt people they do feel bad for tho)

They commit arson and it’s not ideal

Falls into a minor villain arc right when it seemed like they were going to get better, then realizes this isn’t who they are and confronts the person encouraging them to be violent/cruel

Leo&Hunter

Artificially created by a dramatic being with a gold horned mask and nefarious plans centered around genocide and conquest

Obsessed with a science fiction franchise and dresses up as characters from it

Is shown to enjoy wearing animal costumes once and then it’s never brought up again (Leo’s unicorn onesie and Hunter’s split-second Flapjack costume)

Teleportation

Trauma surrounding possession

Knows a little bit of Spanish

Acts confident and smug and cocky when in battle mode but is actually insecure and sad

also:

anyway that’s all thanks for reading

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closetcasefabray · 1 year

Text

I cried after the first season of The Owl House because I was just so happy for the queer kids growing up with these kinds of characters and showing all these kinds of love that help heal the world’s hurt. I cried because I didn’t have this growing up, but I felt like that little closeted gay kid again except it didn’t feel scary but normal and wholesome and safe.

Anyway this is what my brain has been dissociating to lately—Private/High School and College No-Magic AU:

* Because this is a kinda-real-world/no-magic au and I can imagine the Blight family in Connecticut (y’all the CHRISTMAS CARDS), all the Blights are blonde except Alador and Amity, but Amity dyes her hair blonde to look like the twins and her mother.

* Blight twins got into Yale early admission because they’re Blights and are assumed to take on Blight Industries once they complete schooling. Of course they’re both class president and vice president at Jonesborough Academy (Ed: “I’m here in case you die.” / Em: “You just don’t want to do as much work.”) and are captains of the school lacrosse, swim, and tennis teams. Ed enjoys claiming his senioritis is him “giving Em” the valedictorian spot. He’s still set to be the Salutatorian regardless of how much he actually slacks off. Em punches Ed whenever he says this though because she has a 4.2 because she filled any potential study halls with online coursework and took so many weight courses, she literally surpasses a 4.0.

* Amity doesn’t want to go to Yale but her parents went (as did her grandparents on her mother’s side—her Dad’s parents went to Columbia) and legacies are legacies.

* Odalia has a deep love for winning absolutely anything over an MIT or Harvard alum. Not to mention Odalia and Alador have donated hundreds of thousands (soon to surpass a million) to Yale’s mechanical engineering program, putting New Haven on the map for mechanical engineering and boosting their rankings—there’s a notable wing of the department named after them.

* Amity is on track for a mechanical engineering future like the rest of her family (Ed is more interested in the marketing of Blight Industries—like Odalia—so he’s likely minoring in business management/marketing or will pursue a masters), but she’s leaning toward biomechanical engineering and robotics—she wants to build things to help kids in pediatric care.

* Blight Industries however is focused on automotive and aerospace technologies and recently signed a contract with Tesla for a relatively small and very confidential project that, despite its supposed size, will bring the Blights up a tax bracket.

* Luz is a sophomore like the rest of the group and new to Jonesborough Academy. She maintains a good GPA but struggles with staying on task and tends to day dream but works really hard to keep good grades. Luz wants to study creative writing and literature and visual arts and… have fun? She just wants a good enough scholarship she can have fun for four years and hopefully find something she loves along the way.

* Willow obviously wants to study botany (archaeobotany). “Yale is my reach, but so are all the Ivy League schools.” Luz makes botany puns with Ivy League as often as possible.

* Gus loves theater and art, especially stage/set design—he also skipped a grade and was accepted into the Jonesborough Academy Arts program. His parents have already taken him for a campus tour of Carnegie Mellon. He’s also president of the D&D club.

* Eda is Luz’s Gen X auntie figure of course, and she owns the thrift shop in town. She also bartends on the side and takes the train from CT to New York regularly, where she used to live for 15 years. Lilith is of course head of the local historical society and is the history teacher at Jonesborough.

* Luz meets Eda because Eda’s vintage shop also has a weird used book selection and a section of witchy stuff she likes exploring. Also there’s a little cafe next door they both enjoy and they split the massive but delicious chocolate chunk cookie from there when Eda stays in CT on the weekend.

* Willow regularly volunteers after school to take care of the greenhouse and is part of the agricultural program at the school, and for “volunteer hours,” Luz, Boscha, Amity, and of course Gus (established friendship between Gus and Willow) show up. Boscha complains about the dirt and worms and when Willow tries to help, Boscha pretends to accidentally knock over a plant, breaking the pot. Luz stands up for Willow of course and Amity feels obligated to side with Boscha.

* Amity is Amity still so she’s furious with Luz for showing up and being all smart and charming and kind and—well, she can’t possibly risk her rightful place as Valedictorian.

* Amity briefly played rugby freshman year and made varsity, but she broke her clavicle halfway through the season and her mother made her quit the team. Odalia isn’t fond of the sport to begin with so she told Amity to find another extra curricular—Amity makes the soccer team sophomore year!

* There’s a classroom debate regarding some literary analysis and Amity is a cynic and takes a hyper-practical approach (she can’t show weakness) and Luz is the romantic and takes a more creative approach. Fists are slammed on desks. Very passionate exchange of words. Amity’s face gets red. Redder when Luz wins the debate.

* Gus, Willow, and Luz have a small slumber party and Willow explains how she used to be friends with Amity. Luz isn’t sure how to feel, but Willow just shrugs “Middle school was tough but at least I’m not afraid of my dads… Amity’s parents are… demanding.”

* Amity breaks her other clavicle in the first soccer game she plays of the season.

* Amity ends up being in a sling for 6 weeks and can’t play. Her mother makes her quit again and instead signs Amity up for debate team. Amity joins but also joins the robotics club. Her parents don’t really notice since they work so much and filled her schedule so much they assume she’s at one of several extra curriculars or getting in volunteer hours.

* Luz goes to the library after school one day and realizes Amity reads to kids there, and Luz can’t handle how cute Ami—THE KIDS are…

* Luz and Amity get paired together for a project—they meet at the library and Amity tries to say Luz doesn’t have to do anything and she’ll do the project herself, but Luz puts her foot down—“I know you don’t trust people to get things or do things as well as you, but don’t you ever get tired? Don’t you ever just… need some help? You can trust me. I wouldn’t let you down when I know how important this is to you—us, I mean.”

* Luz helps Amity carry her books while she’s got her arm in a sling between some classes, and at one point Gus and Willow join. Willow looks at the two of them talking and laughing even and then looks at Gus who can barely hide his reaction to the same realization.

* Amity has Luz over while her parents are away at a conference to work on their project. She has a tree fort (like the hideaway at the library in the series) that she can get to from the window of her bedroom—Alador made it when she was little. There Luz finds Amity’s Azura books and loses. her. shit. Amity tries to say, “I just liked them as a kid” and Ed & Em just APPEAR at the window to throw her under the bus, “So why do you read all of WarriorofReesesPieces fan fiction still???” And both Amity and Luz turn bright red. Amity mumbles something like “I thought I deleted my web history…” Amity has zero idea that Luz is her favorite fan fic writer.

* Boscha starts making fun of Willow in study hall and Amity shows up since her Anatomy and Physiology class got canceled and makes Boscha stop, deciding to sit with Luz, Gus, and Willow.

* Luz and Amity get an A on their project. There’s definitely the “WOOOO! TEAMWORK, BABY!” hug involved here.

#ccf headcanon #owl house au #lumity au #lumity #luz x amity #luz noceda #amity blight #owl house

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nothingunrealistic · 7 months

Text

review roundup: billions 7x08 “the owl”

what a waste of my time! what did reviewers think?

New York Times: ‘Billions’ Season 7, Episode 8 Recap: Going Nuclear

Mike Prince is trying to do the right thing. A man for whom his wife, Andy, cares deeply has had a mountain-climbing accident in the Himalayas. He is injured and alone, in the path of a storm, running out of food and stranded on the Chinese side of the mountains. Mike has the resources to arrange a successful extraction, even under these physically and politically dangerous conditions. To rescue the man means risking an international incident and potentially ending his presidential campaign. Not to rescue him means the man will die, and Andy will lose someone who is more to her than a friend.

fascinated by the vagueness of the description of andy’s relationship to derek here.

In this secluded environment — clearly modeled after the Bohemian Grove, right down to the choice of its avian mascot — the nearly all-male elite can mix, mingle, urinate in the open air, go streaking through the snow, participate in tests of strength with offensive names and generally enjoy the rights and privileges of being right and privileged.

get their asses!

Known to friends and foes alike as “Fourth,” Pike is there to decide which of these self-conceptualized common-sense mavericks deserves his backing. He gets his answer in the most horrifying sequence this show has seen since Bobby Axelrod paid a doctor to let a patient die.

i can imagine there were more horrifying sequences, but i can’t think of any right now. (though who knows what the last four episodes might hold? we already know a fresh angle on the printer throwing scene is in there…)

Watching this room full of rich men discuss the incineration of millions as if they’re swapping fantasy football strategies is repulsive; there’s no other way to put it. It’s everything wrong with how decisions are made in this country, as wealthy people in no danger of facing consequences for their actions debate idly which lives are and aren’t worthless when stacked against the overriding importance of their own comfort and ambitions.

i love it when sean goes off like this. it’s a breath of fresh air next to sarene’s “prince is trump, no further questions your honor” analysis and kyle’s “i don’t think michael prince is a dangerous fascist” t-shirt.

Chuck’s quest to stop Prince from reaching the White House — like the parallel sabotage campaign led by Wendy, Wags and Taylor — is predicated on the idea that no man this free of self-doubt belongs anywhere near power, let alone the kind of power present in the nuclear football.

TAYLOR MENTIONED.jpg

Chuck leaves, visibly shaken. If self-styled guardians of the soul of the nation like Fourth don’t understand that they’re selling that soul by backing Prince, what hope does he have? Which raises another question: Is “Billions” the most chilling show on television right now? And I’m not talking about the wintry setting of this week’s episode. Like virtually every episode since Prince’s presidential ambitions became clear, “The Owl” casts an unflinching eye on the danger posed to American democracy by megalomaniacal strongmen, by the ultra-rich, and especially by the people who are both. In a sense, this is covered ground for the show. Chuck already took on billionaire overreach when he battled Bobby Axelrod for five seasons. His conflicts with the pointedly unnamed presidential administration in power in the show’s universe from 2017 to 2021, represented by odious officials like Attorney General Jock Jeffcoat and Todd Krakow, made a clear argument that authoritarianism, corruption and reactionary politics are correlated phenomena. But since Axe never got directly involved in politics, and since the former president was never depicted as an on-screen character, “Billions” has never had such an opportunity to explore all these issues up close by embodying them in one man. And in an episode that depicts the threat he presents in the starkest, most existential terms imaginable, it’s worth noting what that one man actually does.

📣📣📣

To its credit, “Billions” has long presented sexual fetishism and kink not as a source of comedy (OK, not only as a source of comedy), let alone as a marker of deep psychological dysfunction. It has always been presented more as just a part of the sex lives of countless basically normal people (OK, normal by “Billions” standards). It picks up this torch again in a subplot involving Wags’s discovery that he has a certain scatological fetish that initially sends his wife, Chelz (Caroline Day), fleeing from the room. (“Stop saying words out of your mouth!” she stammers in one of the best lines of the night.) When Wendy explains to Chelz that the fetish represents Wags’s desire to be loved unconditionally, despite even the most repugnant parts of himself, Chelz is into it — but for Wags, the explanation kills the mood, like a magician revealing how the trick is done. And I call shenanigans! Figuring out why you’re into the weird stuff you’re into makes it more fun, not less.

a few counterpoints:

from 4x02 onward, billions kind of has treated chuck’s masochism as a marker of psychological dysfunction (overton window speech notwithstanding) and his loss of interest in it over the past two seasons as a sign of positive personal growth.

how much credit does billions deserve for portraying kink positively in the sex lives of certain characters if simultaneously it’s shitting on certain other characters for having (or even wanting) sex lives at all?

are we sure wags and chelz are married? i think that would come up if it had happened. (i know the audio description for this episode refers to her as his wife, but it’s been wrong before.)

in wags’s case, i can believe that having his kink explained would cause him to lose interest. remember how he promised wendy he wasn’t seeing dr. mayer by saying “i prefer those depths unplunged”? this man does NOT want to know himself.

Vulture: Billions Recap: Pissing in the Wind

another four-star rating. who is making you do this, sarene?

“The Owl” is the last, what I would call, “casual” episode. Its minimal plotlines set the stage for the chaos that will ensue over the final four episodes. That’s not a spoiler: remember that we’re still owed three more Axe episodes. And Axe + Billions = chaos.

it can be a spoiler if i bring the plot summaries of the last four episodes into it! but yes, i agree, we’re finally at the stage where things really get wild, even if there wasn’t a proper midseason turning point. watch out for those tempo changes, man, ‘cause when we go into the second bridge last third of the season, this shit takes off.

Before Prince can start communing with nature and the political elite, though, he must solve a problem for his wife, Andy. Apparently, a “friend” of hers was climbing a mountain on the Nepal/China border before tackling Mount Everest, and now he’s injured and trapped on the Chinese side. Oh, and he’s more than just a “friend.”

again with the vagueness! won’t anyone be forthright and say that andy fucked this guy? or at the very least that she slept with him?

As soon as Fourth talks about listening to “new voices” who can lead the country to even more greatness and he dismisses Governor Dunlop’s viewpoints on nuclear weapons usage as “sensible,” it’s game over. Prince almost doesn’t even need to say out loud that he would, without hesitation, bomb a hostile country with plans to launch an attack. But he does. Because Mike Prince feels fine with the end of the world as we know it. In his mind, that’s a better decision than leading with hesitation, which he claims would be Governor Dunlop’s approach. While most gasp in horror, Fourth is impressed, calling Prince’s viewpoint “a nuance few are brave enough to voice” and the embodiment of America’s core value, “strength of nation.” This is how the 2016 election happened, folks…

*long and loud sigh*

From where Fourth stands, Chuck is small potatoes, and Mike Prince is the man who can Make America Great Again.

*longer and louder sigh*

People sure do weird things when they’re given a lot of power. And in case you really weren’t sure that Mike Prince is the latest Billions character to sell his soul to the devil, the episode’s final images should clear things right up. The Owl retreat concludes with the male attendees, wearing dark, hooded cloaks (better dark than white, I guess) and carrying torches, setting a giant wooded owl statue aflame to the haunting tune of Bob Dylan’s “Blind Willie McTell.” Good grief, this country is bizarre.

can you please not jump on the “WOAH THEY WERE TOTALLY DOING A SATANIC ILLUMINATI RITUAL TO MOLOCH AT THE END THERE” train? i’ve already seen enough of that on twitter.

I deliberately refuse to discuss the Wags-Chels subplot for two reasons: (1) It felt like a leftover storyline from another season that the writers wanted to squeeze in before Billions concluded. (2) I. Hate. That. Baby. Shower. Game. With. Every. Fiber. Of. My. Being.

this is how i first found out that that was a real baby shower game. i hate it here. and yes, it felt like something that belonged into an earlier season, when neither wendy nor wags had anything better to do — such as, say, working on that plan to topple their would-be authoritarian boss when he happened to be three hundred miles away for two days — than analyzing wags’s new weird kink.

Fan Fun with Damian Lewis (Damianista): Billions on Showtime, Season 7 Episode 8: The Owl

damianista did not do a recap of this episode.

Entertainment Weekly: Billions recap: Into the woods

It's only when Michael Prince (Corey Stoll) decides he needs to attend the retreat that Chuck thinks twice about going.

incorrect! chuck goes because he knows dunlop and fourth will be there and wants to encourage him to endorse her rather than prince, but he has no idea prince will be attending until he arrives and sees prince there.

Complicating all of this, Andy (Piper Perabo) needs a favor. A friend of hers has disappeared while mountain climbing, and they can't use a beacon to coordinate a rescue because the man took an alternate route and crossed into China. Doing so would alert the Chinese government and he'd be held hostage. So Andy asks for Prince to coordinate a private, secret rescue using his connections. Prince does so despite the fact that if they get caught, his campaign is over, and despite his complicated feelings about the man being rescued, who's one of Andy's romantic connections in their open marriage.

“one of andy’s romantic connections” is the most explicit anyone’s gotten so far! congratulations!

All of this represents a shift in Prince's persona. He's becoming harsher, more cynical, and completely focused on his need for power. He's finally turning into the man everyone's been worried about.

he’s BEEN that man, kyle. that’s the point.

Fan Fun with Damian Lewis (Gingersnap): The Unbeatable, Unstoppable, Unparalleled MVPs from Billions Season 7 Episode 8, “The Owl”

Gingersnap Supreme Sleazeball Swerdlow Sayings in a Scene…AGAIN – He’s back! Slimeball doc is back, this time wearing a prison-orange, head-to-toe, Karl Kani tracksuit to The Owl’s winter conclave. […] And it doesn’t stop there – the Doc simulates ghastly hip thrusts when groaning the word “uh!” as he names off kinky sexual acts like postillionage and croissant (too many urban dictionary definitions to count),

maybe you would have found the right urban dictionary definition if you’d looked up cuissade, which is what he actually said and was spelled clearly in the captions. (and neither of those things are particularly kinky unless you’re incredibly straight.)

Benedict Arnold Citation– Griffin Dunne, who played George Pike, IV aka “Fourth” in this episode. Dunne also played Dr. Alcon Parfit in Succession. Only traitors act in both Billions and Succession and I find it deplorable when one is defecting across enemy lines, but he wasn’t the first defector.

🙄🙄🙄

Damianista […] Greatest Entrance – Governor Nancy Dunlop The badass Montana governor shows up at The Owl with these words to the old, rich, white men that I am talking about above. “Hey boys! Are you cold? Some of you seem cold. I saw a few of you answering the call in the trees back there. They were definitely cold.”

yes, of course. what could be greater and more badass than walking up to a group of people and going “haha small penis.”

Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship – Wendy and Andy While their relationship did not start off on the right foot, it seems Wendy and Andy bond over Andy’s grief when it is not the Tiger Team but the Chinese officials who are able to reach Derek first! I think Andy deep down knows why the best rescue team in the world has not been able to do it and I suspect she may join the opposition against Prince presidency in the weeks to come!

what do you mean “deep down.” she knows why the team couldn’t get derek out and she said it out loud to prince’s face.

Lady Trader […] The “Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket” Award: Did Mike Prince really just pull all of his money, both personal and the funds, out of every international investment? What a very foolish and short-sighted thing to so. The losses his would take would be tremendous, not to mention how he would move the markets on certain investments, and would never be able to get “market prices.” What a moron.

[midsommar imdb parents guide “a man is constantly seen vaping” tumblr post voice] oh if that’s all

The “Vision I Never Want to See” Award: The thought of those old, wrinkly men playing naked Twister just brought up my breakfast! Gross!

disrespectful to old men who fuck each other. apologize now.

Fan Fun with Damian Lewis (Lady Trader): From the Trader’s Desk

lady trader also did not do a recap of this episode.

#billions #7x08 #review roundup

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salcommitsarson · 8 months

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Previous || Part 5 || Next

Oh man! I got such an artblock in the middle of writing this part, plus I was at my dad’s house for more days than usual, and his house is oddly not condusive to creating art.

But yeah, Donnie and Raph! All the boys are here now

Note! All speech/text from now on with the three dots in the corners is in Arunian, Willow’s native language. Henceforth, somewhat of a language barrier

#art #digital art #oc #tmnt #my comic #owls don’t live in new york #odliny #oc comic #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie #rise raph #willow #willow castagnola #it feels like my artstyle changed in the middle #but eh whatever

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adrinoir · 2 years

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Bully into friend/lover arcs - how Chloe was robbed

I was just thinking about this. There are so many good ways to write a bully into friend/lover arc. I know a couple, but Chloe Bourgeois was robbed of this because we can’t have nice things can we, Mr. Astruc?

Good examples

In The Owl House, Amity Blight went from being a school bully to being Luz’s girlfriend, and restoring her friendship with her childhood best friend, Willow. It was so well done, too.

Throughout the series, even after the arc, we see how pressured Amity is by her family. Her parents want her to be a certain way and hold up a “good” reputation. But, Amity wants to be her own person. She cares about Willow, she’s a lesbian and wants to be with Luz, she has her things she enjoys doing (ie working at the library and reading Azura). She doesn’t care about someone being “more powerful” or being a tool in helping her family’s business grow. They even made her changes in hair color represent that, and made her siblings understand her better.

Also notice how it wasn’t super rushed. Willow wasn’t entirely forgiving of Amity right away, it took time to feel okay having her around again and getting Amity to see her as a strong person. Amity also had her chance to ask Luz to prom, but got so scared, and over the course of a few episodes, their feelings for each other blossomed naturally.

There’s also Tyler in Turning Red. He’s this immature kid making fun of Mei, but it’s shown he has no friends. Tyler has all this insecurity in who he is as a person and can’t even have people come to his birthday party without having Mei there to turn into her panda form.

This one also wasn’t super rushed. Mei and her friends agreed to go to this party for the sake of making money, not for Tyler. But they connected dots as soon as they saw him at the 4Town concert, and ran to him. Then, he ends up sticking with the friend group, which was so sweet.

These characters were given reasons for why they became a bully. And you know who else was? Chloe. Their insecurities and upbringing helps the audience understand and connect with these characters, and why they do what they do. This leads me to my next point.

Chloe’s build up

Chloe has a great backstory. Her mom left her and her dad for New York, neglecting them both and having an affair. Meanwhile, her dad is very dismissive and doesn’t know how to be a good parent. He feels the most he can do is buy her whatever she wants. He cares about her, but isn’t good at being an actual dad, moreso just pleasing her impulsive desires.

Chloe also only had one childhood friend, thanks to the parents being friends: Adrien. She’s used to being around not only her rich family, but this one cute boy who also has a rich family. So, her view of other people who don’t live a life of luxury is very warped.

Chloe has this idea that you’re unworthy of being treated well if you’re not super wealthy. The one friend she made at school, Sabrina, is treated as a servant, being ordered to do things for her.

However, deep down, Chloe does care and we started seeing a lot of that at the end of season 1 and in the beginning of season 2. She has a solid enough friendship with Sabrina that she plays dress up with her, and they pretend to be Ladybug and Cat Noir. She cares so much about her friendship with Adrien that she hosted a party and invited all her classmates, just to show she cares. She felt bad about ruining Marinette’s present to Ms. Bustier, enough to apologize and hug it out with her.

Then, we really see how much she cares about her mom in the two part special, when she gets hold of the bee miraculous. She creates a risky scenario to save these people, simply to prove to her mom that she’s “exceptional.” She also wanted to prove herself to her idol, Ladybug. Her mom is shown to be so conceited and neglectful that she can’t even remember Chloe’s name and picked Marinette over her own daughter to come to New York with her. There’s such an emotional scene before her mom gets on the plane, where Chloe cries and says, “why don’t you love me, mom?” Heartbreaking.

There was such a good build up to a potential character arc. So many episodes shined a spotlight on her actions and backstory. The audience could get a good understanding and sympathize for her. But by the time season 3 rolled around, all of that was completely destroyed, as if none of that meant anything.

Thomas knew he wanted her to stay a bully. He selfishly based her off of a nasty ex girlfriend of his. He did the audience so dirty because anyone who wanted a good character arc for Chloe can’t feel that way anymore. She became even more of a brat and didn’t even want Adrien to be her friend anymore in season 4. It’s now too late for her to have any sort of character arc that would actually make sense.

What could’ve been done

If I had overthrown Thomas early on, there are things that could’ve been done to create her character arc.

She could’ve eased up on Marinette after wrecking her present. She knows Ms. Bustier sees the good in her and wants to prove she can change.

She could’ve made more of an effort to be nice to all the classmates, instead of her losing development as soon as the party in Despair Bear was over.

She could start treating Sabrina like a real friend. Hanging out with her more and showing she appreciates her company.

If she proved she can be a good person, she can eventually get the bee miraculous back in her possession, gain Ladybug’s trust.

After proving her worth, Chloe could become Marinette’s friend or at least friendly acquaintance, like Amity with Willow or Tyler with the girls. She could get close with Adrien again and have a more genuine friendship.

Or, if we want to get into lover territory, maybe Marinette feels okay enough to introduce her to Luka or Kagami, and Chloe starts feeling a certain way. Maybe it’s comphet behavior, obsessing over Adrien, because she’s shoving down feelings for girls. Maybe she hasn’t been exposed or understanding enough of other guys who don’t fit the rich boy standard. Either way, having a significant other and/or friends who see the good in her would be so good for Chloe.

She could stand up to her parents about how she needs more love and time with them. How she wants them to be here for her and accept her as a caring person.

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mercerislandbooks · 8 months

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50 Years of Island Books: Kevin O'Brien

Before his thrillers landed him on the New York Times and USA Today Bestseller lists, Kevin O’Brien was a railroad inspector. The author of 21 internationally-published thrillers, he won the Spotted Owl Award for Best Pacific Northwest Mystery and served on the board of Seattle 7 Writers. Press & Guide said: “If Alfred Hitchcock were alive today and writing novels, his name would be Kevin O’Brien.” Kevin O’Brien’s latest nail-biter, The Enemy at Home, just hit shelves in August 2023.

Miriam: Welcome Kevin! What does it take to get you over the bridge to visit us at Island Books?

Kevin: It’s a bit of a challenge for me to get to Island Books. I live on Capitol Hill and don’t have a car. But when my friend, Garth Stein, had a book signing there, I was up for the task! The light rail and a bus got me to Island Books in just over an hour. The store, at first glance, struck me as “quaint.” Then I stepped inside, and saw it went on and on and on! Laurie and the staff were so warm and friendly—and total pros. And what a wonderful selection of books, cards and fun knickknacks. I became an instant fan of Island Books. The customers and sales people all seemed to know each other. I kept thinking, if “Cheers” was a bookstore, it would be Island Books.

In the summer of 2019, I was over the moon when Island Books offered to host a signing for my newly-released thriller, The Betrayed Wife—with Garth interviewing me. It was a blast—more like a party with thirty friends than a book signing. And the thing is, I only knew about a third of the people there. Island Books is one of the friendliest bookstores I know.

Miriam: It's funny, you're not the first author I've interviewed for our blog who compared our store to the show Cheers. At this rate, people will think Laurie's serving something on tap. It's interesting that you first came to us for a signing with Garth, and that prepared and led to your own store event. I love how authors bring more authors in. Getting off-island traffic into the store can be challenging when we host events, so the fact that you took the light rail and the bus over to see us counts for a lot!

You're also an incredibly prolific author and so supportive of other writers. Will you tell us a bit about your work with the Seattle 7 Writers and Hugo House, and how you've seen our local indie bookstores support the surrounding writing community?

Kevin: Being part of Seattle 7 Writers was an honor and an absolute blast. I joined early on in 2009, but wasn’t one of the original seven (actually ten by the time they made it official: Garth Stein, Jennie Shortridge, Maria Semple, Erica Bauermeister, Carol Cassella, Stephanie Kallos, Randy Sue Coburn, Kit Bakke, Bharti Kirchner and Mary Guterson). Garth was in my writers’ group, and I think he desperately wanted another guy in the Seattle 7 when he recruited me! For the first couple of years, I was just an enthusiastic participant/promoter for events like The Novel Live (a five-day live-streamed writing marathon at Hugo House, which became Hotel Angeline: A Novel in 36 Voices; an auction during the event and the resulting book raised over ten thousand dollars for literacy programs) and Write Here Write Now (a day-long writing program where noted authors taught classes and individually coached new writers; another fund-raising event where the profits went to literacy organizations). I also showed up at fellow members’ book signings, which was always fun.

There’s strength in numbers. Local independent bookstores like Island Books became incredibly supportive of Seattle 7 Writers. They could count on several of us showing up whenever they had an event or hosted a book signing by one of our authors.

We also worked closely with Hugo House, where I taught classes and donated my books for auctions. When I served on the Seattle 7 Writers board, I assisted on projects, wrote Thank You notes to donors, and help promote events. By 2019, when we retired Seattle 7 Writers, we had 80 members (including some high-profile authors like Tom Robbins, Terry Brooks, Timothy Egan, Elizabeth George, Kristin Hannah, Daniel James Brown, Erik Larson and Susan Wiggs, to name a few). It was bittersweet wrapping it up. But fortunately, many of us are still pretty close, and the bonds we’ve formed with local bookstores are as strong as ever.

Happy Anniversary, Island Books. Thanks so much for inviting me to participate in celebrating the anniversary of one of my favorite bookstores!

Miriam: I love hearing all of this and am grateful you could share it here on the blog. These connections explain how deep our literary community goes and demonstrates how essential indie bookstores are to a thriving creative community. It's always a pleasure to hear from you, and I can't wait to read The Enemy at Home and spot it on our shelves.

To our customers, stay tuned for the next 50 Years of Island Books installment, featuring two authors who've left their mark on the store, Ashley Ream (The 100 Year Miracle) and Lee Kravetz (The Last Confessions of Sylvia P.). They have a good story of how Island Books brought them together.

—Miriam

#Miriam landis #island books #Kevin o'brien #the enemy at home #50 years of island books

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whiteknuckledgrvp · 5 months

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( aubrey plaza. cis woman. she/her. ) ⸺ 🐏 greetings, bighorns ! walking around campus, sporting her signature friendship necklace we’ve spotted RILEY WHEATING, a thirty nine years old who contributes to our thriving community as a/an PHARMACIST. according to our intel, they’ve been around the sanctuary for EIGHT YEARS and what we know about her, aside from the fact that they don’t agree with the decision to close the gates, is that she has an active imagination and often spends time writing children’s stories, once dreamed of being a scientist, and she loves research. doesn’t that make them fantastic ? we think it does, and that’s why we appreciate her so much, grateful for what they give to our community.

⸺ written by sun ( she/her . 28 . utc . none. )

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST // PINTEREST

TW MURDER, HOMOPHOBIA, DISOWNMENT, ABUSIVE PARENTS, CHILD DEATH, DEATH, CHILD ABUSE

NAME: Riley Wheating

AGE: 39

SEXUALITY: Lesbian

OCCUPATION: Pharmacist

HOBBIES: Guitar, Piano, Drums, Photography, Writing, Illustrating

+ Kind, Friendly, Funny, Hopeful, Romantic

- Deadpan, Sarcastic, Moody, Suspicious

It’s impossible to admit to anyone now, but it doesn’t surprise her that she’s relieved when shit begins to go down and she knows her parents are likely dead. When you’re raised in fear of a strike of a hand, it makes sense that you’d bite the hand that once beat you. Riley grew up in the upper east side of Manhattan where the rich people used to inhabit. She had a strict, religious upbringing in the socialite circle of New York. She was raised to be incredibly intelligent with a variety of talents - some her parents didn’t approve of but were consolation prizes for her. She had a sister, younger than her and her lifeline, who she adored. She was twenty when she was disowned for being gay but had what she needed from her parents by then that she didn’t mind; she hated leaving her sister behind. However, getting a call from her when Riley was twenty-five was a chance at rekindling their relationship. Her sister, now pregnant with her niece, regails the tales of how bad the abuse had gotten since Riley had left home. Riley feels responsible for it all and they vow to raise the child in a loving, supportive environment.

Riley, now in med-school, does everything she can to support the two of them. She’s moved - Colorado - in favor of ever setting foot near New York again. For a while, everything is happy and blissful. The baby is healthy and Riley falls in love with her niece, settling down with her sister in a two bedroom apartment that’s a little too small but homey. She goes to school and soon graduates; gets a position as a pharmacist right out of school that she takes without hesitation.

When the outbreak happens, her sister and niece are sleeping. Riley, the night owl that she is, is listening to Mazzy Star’s Fade Into You when she hears the unmistakable sound of gunshots close by and screaming. From there, it’s a blur. Riley isn’t stupid and knows that leaving would be a death sentence but staying - in a crowded apartment building with a virus spreading - might just be the worst case scenario. She has a friend on the outside of the city she lives in who owns a Ranch and, while she can’t get through to them, she prays to a God she doesn’t really believe in, that they’ll take them in. Leaving the city is chaos and it's only by the skin of their teeth that they get by. The ranch and the people who live there are welcoming to them and Riley, breathes a sigh of relief; she got them out. But the relief is short lived - they spend maybe eight months there before raiders find them in the middle of the night… Riley is the only one to get away.

At first, she asks herself what she’s really doing, why she didn’t die with her sister and her niece. But, as she clutches the homemade friendship bracelet that her niece made, she keeps going for them. Their lives were cut unbelievably short and Riley just can’t give up - no matter how much she wishes she could. She hears from the radio equipment that she has that there’s a university in Colorado - not far from where she is now - that’s taking in new people. It sounds like a dream and she’s halfway there before she even decides whether or not it's a good idea.

Settling in Sanctuary is odd. Everyone wants her story and she doesn’t want to give it. She plays it close to her chest for a while, settling on saying that she used to have a family - that she doesn’t now - and she did what she had to do to survive. Her skills are invaluable here though and no one turns her away; just as long as she works for her place. Being a pharmacist is kind of an invaluable skill these days - there aren’t many of them - and so she’s a hot little commodity for a while. The days blend by in a blur and slowly, she starts to put the pieces back together of her life.

These days, you can find her taking in the scenic views of Colorado with a camera in her hand. There’s a box of photos under her bed that she doesn’t show just anyone of the people who really matter to her. She wishes, more than anything, that she had a picture of her niece and sister but can only just remember their faces these days. The human mind is a fickle, tragic thing and she remembers the faces of the people she’s killed far better. When she’s not snapping photos on the camera that has very little memory in it or film, you can find her playing the drums, piano or guitar, and singing at the bar. Her record collection is impressive and, if you’re lucky, she might just put on one of your favorites. But not Mazzy Star - especially not Fade Into You.

#endureintro #child abuse tw #abuse tw #death tw #homophobia tw #child death tw

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lazuli-writes · 10 months

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Survivor

summary: Ron gets himself his very own wand.

pairing: none

genre: light angst / fluff / slice-of-life

estimated word count: 4700 words

a/n: I was kinda ooc with the wandlore here so please forgive me. Remember folks, copying other people’s works is plagiarism and that’s illegal. Don’t be that kind of person. Anyways, hope you all enjoy it :)

Ron loved the United States.

Magical New York felt like an odd combination of Knockturn Alley’s worst and Diagon Alley’s best, all in the same neighborhood. The young wizard never lived in a city, let alone, spent enough time in London to understand true city life. But even he had to admit that the hectic, unstable, bustling life that erupted through the streets of magical New York was awe inducing.

So many lights, so loud, so much to see and do. It felt like he was being consumed by a whole new world. And as unsettling as it was at first, Ron had come to crave it. He thought the rushing would be tiring, but it felt like a never ending adventure. The cajoling of shop owners: bakeries, antique shops, boutiques and sports halls was tireless in their enthusiasm.

The snowflakes that fell from the sky, as the Christmas spirit exacted itself over the city did nothing but brighten the congested district of witches and wizards.

This is probably the best Yule Break he had ever had! Ron couldn’t wipe the grin plastered across his face, all of the life and happiness around him was enthralling. But maybe it was also the fact that Ron was being dragged down the frosty roads of magical New York, hand in hand, by his favorite friend.

“Ron hurry up! If my father finds out we left the suite he will flog us!”

He only chuckled as he returned his focus to their tiny little escapade. After winning his very first international chess tournament—along with the five hundred galleon grand prize—Ron figured that it was about time he got himself a new wand. His own wand.

To say he was miffed when his parents didn’t get him his own wand would be quite the understatement. He had been looking forward to getting his own wand since he learned of them. To have something, tied and bonded to oneself, an extension of one’s being… Ron had almost expected to have something special like that for himself.

But Percy had been made prefect and money was tight. And so, he had been given Charlie’s old wand.

Hurt he was, but not really surprised. Ron couldn’t stop himself from crying that night, a single thought running through his mind. Did he do something wrong? They’ve managed to purchase wands for everyone else despite our money problems… were they angry with him and felt he needed to be punished? Ron couldn’t help the feeling of unease and distrust that littered his soul every time he held Charlie’s old wand. His grip was always lacking, but only because there was no comfort in holding that wand. And the wand clearly held reservations for which bearer it desired.

Ron had held on to hope the first few weeks he had his hand-me-down wand, hoping that maybe everything was all right and things could get better. Maybe mum and dad really were just hitting another financial hurdle again, that’s no problem. But the moment he saw Percy, proudly holding his new owl… everything fell into place for a split second. Harsh understanding kicking Ron in the gut.

They got Percy an owl versus getting him a wand. It took all of Ron’s might and willpower—which wasn’t much for an eleven year old—to bite down on his tongue and not complain. The constant reminder though of Ron not being worthy enough of his parents’ attention and doting was too much at times. The young wizard would be lying if he said he didn’t cry himself to sleep sometimes, as the same storm of thoughts consumed him on those nights.

What could he do to get mum and dad to love him more? What was he doing wrong? Why couldn’t he get a wand? Does he need to be a prefect for mum and dad to like him more? He could do better! He could be better! He could be worthy of their attention and love! Right? Eventually, he got used to biting his tongue. Staying quiet. Not complaining. It was probably his best skill in life—other than disappointing his family.

Looking back, his past two years of school with his brother’s wand… Ron would say that much of his magical problems could have been ameliorated with a wand that was actually suited for himself.

Classes such as transfiguration and charms would have been easier. Theo and Tracey were clear on that front. He was lucky he had Daphne as his regular potions partner because if that hadn’t been the case, then that would have been another harder than normal class. Ron initially figured potions wouldn’t need the use of wands, but even some of the greatest of potions needed some magic to churn it at times. Defense Against the Dark Arts was a useless class if Ron was honest. With the way Charlie’s wand nearly failed him at every turn—he couldn’t even properly do an episkey—and the fact the past two professors were horrible.

He more or less forgot about the disloyal wand over other matters in his second year. He played in his first chess tournaments outside of Hogwarts. He rose as one of Hogwarts’ best players, to one of the best in all of magical Britain. Then there was that whole fiasco about the heir petrifying students. Ron was honestly terrified, and it didn’t help that the majority of his house liked to brag about the beast of the chamber coming to clean the school of the unworthy—damn blood purist mania ran thick and true in most of his house.

Charlie’s old wand only came back into prominence after he convinced Harry Potter to let him and Theo come down with him to the Chamber of Secrets. Ron had never been more terrified. Terrified for Ginny who was all alone, taken and mentally tortured by the heir. Terrified for Theo and even Harry… What if the beast kills them? And terrified for himself. He didn’t want to die, he’s not strong like his brothers, he wasn’t brave like his parents. He was a snake. How could a snake possibly be able to save his sister? But it seemed he almost didn’t make it that far when Harry decided to invite the barmy loon called Gilderoy Lockhart. The revelation that he was a fraud shouldn’t have shocked Ron as much as it did, but it did. And having to duel a full grown wizard was probably the hardest feat he had ever done. Lockhart had taken Theo’s wand and shot a stunner, causing the chamber’s walls to collapse in. Leaving Harry and a wandless Theo on one side and Ron alone to face the full grown wizard on the other.

Ron nearly screamed in true terror and fright every time Lockhart shot a curse or a memory charm his way. Yet, through sheer luck and remembering his numerous dueling lessons with Theo, the consistent use of weak shield charms and using other spells to absorb or parry the elder wizard’s assault was just enough for Ron to land a blow.

Ron had regretted uttering the word ‘Legilimens!’ Being bombarded with horrible sights and visions of Lockhart. Of his crimes. Of his cruelty. Of his vanity. It was unlike anything Ron had ever witnessed. And by the looks of it, Lockhart felt the same. Rending the grown wizard speechless and nearly traumatized at the sudden intrusion, Ron took the advantage quickly. Painfully screaming out ‘Obliviate!’

It seemed the joint use of two lethal spells, with the obviously negative intention would come with a cost, seeing as Ron felt the hand-me-down wand heat up in his hands fiercely. The boy watched in trepidation as the wand suddenly cracked open, the smallest essence of misty magic escaping from the wand. After witnessing the crude display, Ron felt defeated, not even the realization of successfully defeating a numpty grown wizard was enough to soothe him.

Despite that, Ron was still left with an incapable wand. However, with Ginny saved, the heir defeated, Lockhart out of the way, and finally Ron’s final tournament at Diagon Alley, the insipid wand was once again at the back of Ron’s mind. Ron’s victory and becoming a national chess champion played a huge part in Ron almost forgetting about the injured wand. Until now that is.

Ron’s trip to Egypt with the rest of his family, to visit Bill was alright. Ron could do without the sand and the heat at times, and maybe the occasional joke and references of snakes every time Ron conversed with Ginny or the twins. Even Charlie and Bill cracked a snake joke once or twice, leaving Ron annoyed to no end. So much so, that he eventually snapped. He guessed he did go a bit overboard when he locked the twins in that vault for nearly seven hours. The punishment in Ron’s eyes however, was too much.

He wasn’t allowed to come to Diagon Alley with his family that year for school supplies. Forced to stay behind with his father, who stayed behind for work. Ron was livid. The whole point of the trip to Diagon Alley for his third year was for him to finally be able to ask his parents to get a new wand. But seeing as he was restricted from even attempting that, it left him down right embittered.

He of course had the money to purchase a new wand—winning two hundred galleons from his national chess tournament—but that required going to Gringotts to pull such assets out. Why he didn’t keep some of his money on hand was stupid. Nonetheless, Ron started his third year with a brittle and cracked wand.

Daphne, Theo and Tracey tried their best to mitigate any disasters by being his partner in classes such as Charms, Transfiguration and Potions. But even they couldn’t fix everything. His practical assessments were nothing but abysmal, but his theoretical and writing assessments were key in Ron maintaining his good marks. So he focused heavily on that. He couldn’t bloody well practice duelling with Theo anymore, so he resorted to researching spells instead. This only frustrated him further because now he had no suitable way of practicing the things he learned. With the way things were going, Ron figured he’d be kicked out of school for possibly having a defective magical core.

But when Daphne’s father, Mr. Greengrass, his Chess mentor and Hogwarts Chess Club sponsor spoke of a potential international tournament, Ron leapt at the chance. He needed the distraction. He also figured that there might be some monetary gain, which meant an opportunity to have money in his hands to buy himself a wand. A plan that came to fruition in his Yule Break.

Here he was, on Yule break in the United States, an International Chess Champion, holding hands with the prettiest girl in his school and ready to get himself a wand. Ron didn’t need someone to say it for him to know that right now, he was at an all time high.

“Ronald hurry up!”

“Daphne calm down. Blimey, one would think we’re trying to escape dementors or something.”

“That’s not funny Ron!”

Ron giggled at Daphne’s words, despite his complete agreement at how messed up the situation back at school was. A mass murderer on the loose, as well as having an entire school besieged by Dementors was not particularly great.

“Well where is this wand shop? Why can’t the Americans just have their own Ollivander’s?”

Daphne rolled her eyes at Ron’s question, refusing to entertain Ron’s train of thought. Instead, focusing on the task at hand.

“We have about an hour before my parents return from Wizarding Broadway. We have to get in and get out. It’s a wonder Tabby is able to distract Astoria”

Ron digested Daphne’s rambling, returning his train of thought to the present. It was a simple plan. Sneak out to go to the American wand shop down near the muggle Brooklyn Bridge since Mr. and Mrs. Greengrass would be out, and have the Greengrass head house elf, Tabby, occupy Astoria. It was a good plan. Though Ron felt like they have been walking for forever, he didn’t feel like complaining. Not when he was too busy admiring the magical and muggle scene around him, as well as being alone with Daphne. Ron truly felt, once again, it was the best Yule Break ever. “There it is!” The young blonde witch announced, nearly ripping Ron’s arm off as she dragged him down the street quickly. Ron yelped in surprise at Daphne’s strength. He sometimes despised that the girl who was a full head shorter than him, could manhandle him with a creepy sort of ease.

Ron looked ahead, sandwiched between possibly hundreds of similar looking buildings in the hidden pocket of wizarding New York, Jonker’s Wand Works Emporium was an ornate building. The row of shops looked similar to those muggle shophouses Padma Patil and Sue Li talked about once. White walls, decorated with Christmas colors and furnishings, enchanted red and white flower vines scaling the walls. A large display window was fogged up, obscuring the interior. The door, next to the large window, was left wide open, allowing echoes of Christmas jollies and bells to be released from within.

Entering in only seconds after Daphne, Ron was bombarded by an aroma of nutmeg and cinnamon. The shop itself was glowing with holiday cheer. Muggle string lights hung from the ceilings, fairy lights traversed the side of the shop counter. Shimmering Christmas trees of varying colors in one corner, while on the opposite end of the room sat a fireplace, where three small mechanical dragons shot green and red flames. Basking the shop interior with its warmth.

If Ron and Daphne had anything to say about this place, they would call it simply magnificent.

From behind the counter, an almost endless series of large rows filled with wand boxes. Ron had only ever seen such an amount of wands at Ollivanders. And it never ceased to amaze him how so much magic could be contained in one space.

The two young teens were busy absorbing the serenity of the shop with a tight and gruff voice rumbled, “PRESS ME!”

Daphne and Ron jumped at the sound. Looking around quickly, eyes shooting across the empty room.

“PRESS ME!”

Daphne jumped, gripping harder on Ron's hand as the two continued searching for the voice until finally landing on the counter.

“PRESS ME!” Screamed a Nutcracker soldier toy, sitting at the counter eyeing the two teens with a murderous glare. One arm held firm against his side and the other holding a sword. Both teens were beyond confused at the command, now that they saw the toy for what it was.

“PRESS ME!”

“Why would we do that?” Ron asked, clearly dumbfounded at the toy before him. The soldier seemed to become enraged at the notion, beginning to scream out a chant,

“PRESS ME! PRESS ME! PRESS ME!”

Ron looked at Daphne, both teens too confused and unsure on what to do. They didn’t have to linger for long because soon enough, a pale light shot forward, vanishing the screaming soldier from sight. The two looked up to see a lanky, middle-aged man.

“Apologies for that. He was meant to alert me when I had customers enter the shop. He still hasn’t quite grasped how to say ‘Help Thee.’ I should probably stick to wand making.”

The young duo smiled awkwardly, not knowing how to proceed. Luckily, the man spared them.

“Anyways… I’m Jeremy Jonker, and welcome to Jonker’s Wand Works Emporium! The greatest wand shop in America. How may I be of assistance?”

Daphne held a kind, greeting smile whilst Ron nodded. Jeremy Jonker wasn't an old man persay, but he was nowhere near young. Ron figured he was probably in his late thirties, but that was just a guess. Clearly of European ancestry, the wandmaker had wavy brown hair and wide eyes. Ron thought he looked like that character, Dr. Rawlins, from the horrifying and sad muggle film “Empire of the Sun.” Ron still refused to watch anything else Tracey wished to show him and their friends, for that film alone was terrifying by itself.

Ron’s thoughts were broken by Daphne, lightly shoving him, gesturing towards the smiling man. Ron coughed a bit, regaining some composure before beginning.

“Ugh.. hello Mr. Jonker. I was wondering if I could purchase a wand today… for myself that is.”

Ron almost facepalmed. That was embarrassing. “And why young one, would you need a new wand?” Mr. Jonker was still smiling kindly as he asked.

“Because I need one.” Ron said plainly, confused at his question.

Mr. Jonker giggled, whilst Daphne literally facepalmed. Ron sighed, he clearly missed something.

“He’s asking about what happened to your other wand Ron.” Daphne huffed, leaving Ron to mentally facepalm again. The young wizard quickly deduced that he was not good with such word play.

Without uttering a word, Ron pulled out the damaged wand, quickly passing over to Mr. Jonker. The older wizard’s eyes bulged greatly as he inspected the wand.

“Oh Dorcus!”

Ron watched as Mr. Jonker twirled the wand, eyeing the clear crack in the wand, and even blew a bit into the crack, prompting misty white smoke to escape from within the wand.

“This is quite the dilemma, young one. Ron was it?”

Ron nodded.

“Well Ron, by the looks of it, this wand once held a functioning unicorn hair core. Do you have any prior knowledge of what makes unicorn hair cores different from other cores?”

“No sir.”

Mr. Jonker gave Ron a comforting smile, “Unicorn hair provides the most consistent magic. And they are the more faithful of cores. Paired with the Ash wood, it means that this wand would have been twice as loyal to its original owner… am I right in presuming that this wand was second-hand?”

Ron blushed furiously. Embarrassed beyond measure at how a complete stranger was able to decipher pieces of his entire life so quickly. He nodded silently. Mr. Jonker however, didn’t let up on his comforting and sympathetic look.

“Your wand here also shows that the unicorn hair has been burned black. To a complete crisp. And by the degree of which some of the ash marks I detect within the wand itself, I believe that this wand has been damaged for a bit longer than four years at best.”

Ron looked down at his feet, barely swallowing down his frustration. He had been given a second-hand wand—one that was already destined to become disloyal and embittered in Ron’s grasp—but a second-hand wand that was already burnt out.

No words could describe the feeling of discomfort, despair, offense and spitefulness he felt. He just felt so… unwanted. Ron wouldn’t have been surprised if the definition of the word ‘Undesirable’ showed a photograph of Ron, rather than an actual worded explanation.

“Nonetheless, I am so very glad and honored that you came to me to purchase a new wand. And I have a feeling, you’re gonna do great things with this new wand of yours.”

Ron looked up, seeing a happy and honest twinkle in Mr. Jonker’s eyes. Ron forced a smile, prompting Mr. Jonker to smile brightly. Retrieving his brother’s wand back from the wandmaker, Mr. Jonker turned around, swiftly gathering some wands for Ron to try out.

“Are you alright?”

Daphne looked up at Ron, clearly worried at Ron’s intake of the news presented. Ron gave her the smallest of smiles and nodded. It seemed to be enough for Daphne, as she then stepped back, gesturing to him to move up closer to the counter.

Doing so, Ron only stood there for a minute longer before Mr. Jonker returned with seven wand boxes of varying colors and sizes.

“Now, let’s begin. Just outstretch your hand or pick up the wand. Give them a flick if you want. Just do what you feel is best.”

The wandmaker opened the first box, a stunning wand, inlaid with mother-of-pearl laid before him. Despite feeling a superficial attraction to the wand, Ron recoiled his hand at the cold aura exuding from the wand. He saw Mr. Jonker smile before opening the other boxes.

Hovering his hand over the row of wands, Ron felt a series of different urges and emotions overtake him. A few of the wands felt cold, another burned like dragon fire, while some held no effect at all. It was almost disappointing for Ron when not a single one of the wands before him appealed to him. But Mr. Jonker was quick to comfort.

“Don’t fret Ron, I’ve got hundreds of more wands for you to try.” Gathering the current row, Ron waited patiently as Mr. Jonker turned to collect another seven wands for him to try.

The next set, Ron finally made some progress. The sixth and seventh wand in the set gave Ron a strange sensation. He couldn’t explain it. Neither felt cold and cruel nor hot and bitter.

The sixth wand, a beautiful pale brown wand, almost the same length as Charlie’s old wand, felt mostly comforting in Ron’s grip. He flicked it around and the display was lacking to be honest. But it still felt so warm and comforting to touch.

The seventh wand, larger in length and a weird rusty color, Ron could feel his magic sing. Despite the wand feeling cold to the touch, the magic within himself emanated neatly as he commanded its box to float. Ron set the wand down before locking his eyes down at the last two wands of the set, conflicted on his emotions.

“I see you’ve come at a crossroads, eh?”

Ron looked up to see the beaming smile of Mr. Jonker. Ron couldn’t believe how one could be so happy and smile so much. The you wizard wondered if it was just the holiday joys imbuing itself into the wandmaker.

Nodding swiftly, Ron began,

“I can’t explain it. But the sixth wand feels the most comfortable to me. I physically feel at ease holding it. But the seventh one… I think it calls out to my magic better than the other.”

Mr. Jonker nodded in contemplation at Ron’s words.

“I believe you have discovered which wand wood is best suited for your current person. Whilst the seventh wand demonstrates what kind of core better promotes your magic. Give me a moment.”

And so, Ron waited once more, as Mr. Jonker came and went, collecting even more wands.

He turned to look back at Daphne, apologetic for his difficulty in obtaining a wand.

“Sorry I’m taking so long.”

Daphne only smiled softly.

“Don’t worry Ron. Don’t worry about me. This is very important for any witch or wizard.”

Ron smiled genuinely, gratefully in return.

“Okay. This should do, hopefully!” Mr. Jonker exclaimed happily, opening a new set of seven wands. This time, they all seemed to call out to Ron. One was pretty large, whilst the rest remained average in length. Shades of the wood were similar, light-brown, sandy, another even copper colored. Ron’s eyes widened in awe. Just feeling the warmth radiate off of these wands made Ron feel encased in a feeling of content.

Outstretching his hand, Ron slowly hovered his hand down the line. Waves of serenity, calmness and warmth pressed against Ron’s hand. He stopped however at the sixth wand in the lineup.

Ron didn’t need to move over to feel the seventh wand. The sixth one, the abnormally longer wand, was sandy in color. Its handle was also one of the many that was inlaid with mother-of-pearl, presenting a sleek pattern of stars and crosses. Taking a hold of the wand, Ron could only sigh in pure content and happiness. A sense of completeness consuming him. This was it. This was his wand. “How fascinating!”

Ron looked up at the once again, beaming smile of Mr. Jonker. The elder’s eyes twinkled like a pair of suns.

“How so?”

“13 ⅓ inches in length. A beautiful balsam fir wood, with a white river monster spine core. Solid in flexibility.”

Ron raised an eyebrow. “White monster what?”

“White river monster spine core.” Mr. Jonker said simply. As if that answered the growing amount of questions he had.

“Uh….”

“You have a survivor's wand Ron. Fir wood is some of the most resilient woods in the world. Wands of this wood demand a firm and strong wielder. Typically suited for those considered intimidating, fir wood accompanies a wizard or witch that can adapt and endure. A wand designed for a fighter in both mind and body.”

What were the odds… a survivor's wand. What else could he possibly endure that he hasn't already? Severe self-loathing, duelling upper years and even a Professor, constant harassment and bullying, pure-blood politics at the ripe old age of eleven. “What about his wand core Mr. Jonker?” Daphne wondered aloud, stepping forward to inspect the beautiful wand. She was clearly as intrigued as Ron about this new treasure.

“This wand is one of a rare bunch left here in the states. The White River Monster is a magical aquatic beast, whose spines make a stern and fierce conduit for magic. Its unnatural length is due to the wand holding an entire spine as the core. Like the monster itself, it is rather misunderstood”

Ron remained entranced at the old wandmaker’s words. He couldn’t help but blush, the red wave crashing across his cheeks. He just couldn’t get over the peculiarities of the wand that had clearly chosen him.

And by the looks of it, Daphne was as well.

“An old wandmaker here in the states by the name of Thiago Quintana was the only person to ever produce wands with this core. His secrets to producing wands of this core unfortunately died with him. And from then on, available wands of this core became rarer by the decades. But it seems this one, surprisingly unused, made its way into my family’s possession. And is still in its prime. Ready and able.”

Mr. Jonker cleared the other wands away, granting Ron another smile as the trio inspected the wand within the young wizard’s hands.

“Wands with a White River Monster Spine core produce spells of force and elegance. Paired with fir wood, I do truly believe that you, young one, have quite the future ahead of you.”

Stunned. Enchanted. Frozen. Overjoyed. He couldn’t explain it. Ron just couldn’t articulate how he felt at that moment. His lips felt chapped, and yet it didn’t bother him.

He could honestly cry at that moment. But he held it back, if only for a moment to express his gratitude.

“Thank you so much Mr. Jonker. May I purchase this wand please!”

Mr. Jonker gave Ron his signature smile and nodded.

“Five dragots please.”

Ron froze, as did Daphne. How they possibly seemed to have forgotten that magical currency in America differed from that of magical Europe, made Ron want to bash his own head in.

“Um… we only have galleons, Mr. Jonker.” Ron said, pulling out seven of the familiar gold coins, presenting it to the wandmaker.

Mr. Jonker laughed. “Well that’s alright. I guess four galleons should be good.”

Ron blanched whilst Daphne’s eyebrows rose in confused glee.

“Only four?” Daphne asked.

“Yup. Galleons are worth more than American Dragots. But as I am no banker, I do not know the exchange rate. So four galleons should be alright for me.”

Clearly not wasting any time or the chance to be cheated out of such a deal, Daphne gestured for Ron to pay up. His hands were clammy as he went through the motions of paying for the wand, gripping his newest possession, letting it twirl in his fingers. He couldn’t believe it, he finally had his own wand.

“Like your new wand?” Daphne asked, the duo now racing back down the streets of New York, hoping to beat Daphne’s parents back to the hotel.

Ron could only nod his head, his demeanor completely consumed by awe. Awe at finally having something for himself, something he paid for by himself. A burden he removed off his own shoulders. An extension of his magic, of his soul, of his life, of his entire being.

He had never felt so whole in his life until now. But despite the high the young wizard found himself on, Ron couldn’t stop the giddy smile that broke out on his lips as Daphne rejoined their hands and began dragging him across New York once again.

For Ron, he couldn’t help but think once again, that this was the best Yule break ever!

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