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#please do not take this as character hate.
luveline · 3 days
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how’re eddie and roan doing??🫶🏻
(step)mom!reader, 2k
Sometimes you know you’re not good enough for Eddie and his daughter.
It’s a pinprick pain in the same place. The tiniest fear turned to heat.
“I’m gonna get you!” he warns.
“No, you’re not!” Roan stands at the other side of the room. With the door at her father’s back, she has no proof to substantiate her claim, but she makes it anyway. “You’re slow!”
You sit on the end of the bed with one leg hanging off, a socked foot brushing the carpet. Your legs are aching and the bottom of your spine feels bruised, so you aren’t joining in tonight. You watch them glare and giggle at one another.
Your head hurts between your eyes.
Eddie makes a ‘scary’ face and runs across the room to grab her. She squeals in terrified delight and races for the bed, climbing up behind you and over it, swapping places with him easily, or so she thinks. She’s slower than he is, and can’t escape his grabbing hands as he leaps for her on your bed, flattening your stepdaughter into a pancake.
“No, no,” she laughs beneath him.
Eddie braces his arms either side of her. “I told you’d I’d get you,” he says in a menacing voice, like a character from a movie, he can do a hundred different impressions. “You’ve stolen your last Twinkie, child. Be prepared for retribution.”
“I hate retribution!” she shouts.
Eddie laughs like a kid. “You’ll have to learn to love it.”
He grabs the end of her shirt, tugs it up, and drops his face into her stomach to grow the world's most aggressive raspberry. Roan screams the house down, laughing and shrieking as the vibrations tickle her skin. Eddie takes another big breath, lets it out against her bellybutton, even as Roan’s knees come up and jab him in the arm. “Dad, oh my gosh, stop!”
He stops. “You surrender?”
“No.” A third huge raspberry gets pressed into her tummy.
“Give up,” he sing-songs, “you know you can’t defeat me, little Munson.”
“Y/N, please help me,” Roan says, half crawling under Eddie’s weight to grab your arm. “Please save me.”
Your smile is two shades off, but she doesn’t notice, and you wouldn’t want her to. “I can’t, princess, only a knight can save you now.”
Eddie blows a raspberry on her tummy, then her neck. She hates that even more than the tummy ones and flings herself out of his arms with breathless laughter, the urgency of knowing you’re going to be killed by such horrible, painful, excruciating affection. “You,” she says, taking deep breaths as she slinks down onto the floor, “are the worse dad. Ever.” She laughs like taffy. “I’m listening to my body and it says I need some soda.”
“You can have a capri sun,” Eddie says firmly.
She rushes away, runs down the stairs, and it’s all Eddie can do to constrain his usual warning, you can tell. “She’s gonna fall down them,” he says, batting the hair out of his eyes, “and then what will I do?”
You smile weakly. “I don’t know, teddy. Guess we’d have to roll her around in a wheelbarrow for a bit.”
He clambers onto his knees beside you. A spiral curl falls into his eyes. Everybody’s pretty when they smile but Eddie’s a heartbreak when he’s upset, when the corner of his mouth twitches wanting to pull down and his eyes lose their mirth. “Hey, what’s wrong?” With a little more pep, “Are you tired? Hungry?”
“Sorry.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong, so I won’t accept it.” His hand hesitates by your leg. “What’s not okay?”
You shake your head, not wanting to look at him anymore. He’s prettier than you are, with a better heart. He’s a great father and you’re a shitty mom. You have less practice than he has, sure, but you can’t do anything right for Roan lately, you mess up her lunch and forget to buy her yoghurts when you’re coming home even though Eddie called you twice to make sure you got them. He didn’t even get mad. If he asks you one more time what’s wrong, you’re gonna burst into tears.
He doesn’t ask.
Eddie wraps an arm heavily over the back of your shoulders and neck. The other vys for your hand in your lap, his knuckles brushing against your thigh. “You’re not feeling up to it, is that what it is? Maybe you’re tired,” he suggests, with all his usual tenderness. You’re struck with a memory of him when you’d first started dating, how awkward he could be and how he’d shoved it aside when you had one of your worst days at work. He’d surprised you outside, Roan waiting in his backseat, promising to take you home and make you a home cooked meal. You’d eaten it under his arm like this.
There were moments before you’d been his girlfriend where you worried he wasn’t gonna let you have him. That he wasn’t gonna want you, that you’d move on from each other and have to pretend it never happened. But he’s whispering in your ear, hand latched onto your arm and rubbing circles into the tired muscle there without thought. “You can tell me anything,” he’s saying, “you know you can, just tell me what’s bothering you, don’t like it when you’re quiet…”
“Just had a bad day,” you say, tight and squeezed, so clearly evident that you’re gonna cry.
“At work?”
“All day.”
“Why? What’s bad?” he asks.
Nothing, you think, nothing’s bad, nothing is different than usual, but you feel awful. Like your hearts trying to invert itself in your chest, an upset with notes of panic.
“You know what I think it is?” he asks when you don’t answer, his demeanour dipping further and further into tenderness. “I think you didn’t eat enough at dinner, and you didn’t get enough sleep last night, and now you could use a shower and a hug and maybe a little time to yourself. When was the last time you had an hour for you?”
Your eyes crinkle tightly, your mouth twists. You get that weird rush of tingles all over your face and the heat of collecting tears. “It’s not like that,” you insist. “I love you, I don’t want time away from you, I swear.”
“I don’t want time away from you.” He kisses your cheek, twice, a third time, each one with more pressure than the kiss before. “I just mean… I don’t know, baby, I just thought you might be dealing with a lot.”
The worst thing bursts out of you, because you need him to tell you it’s not true. “I’m such a bad mom.”
The crying is unfortunate and immediate, your shoulders seizing under his arm. Eddie could tell it was coming, you’re sure, he doesn’t baulk, he never does.
“You’re not a bad mom, you’re a great mom,” he says, followed by a great wave of shushing.
“I’m awful, I’m supposed to be so much better, I can’t even remember her snacks.”
“Snacks are a really huge part of being a mom,” he says, “but she doesn’t care. She forgave you the moment you said sorry. You think she cares about her yoghurts? That’s not why she sits there waiting everyday after school, is it?”
“You asked me to get them and I forgot.”
“Well, should we call the cops now or later?”
“Eddie.”
He ushers your face into the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry, but you haven’t done anything that would make you a bad mom.”
You’re not Roan’s natural mother, you didn’t carry her, and so you find yourself in a privileged position. She treats you as she would a mom, she calls you mommy every day. You’re still letting her down.
“I love you, and Ro, and I wouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t love her, but you know… you really– you give more effort than we ever asked you to. You’re amazing. I never could have imagined getting to be with someone I love, and who loves my girl like she’s their own.” His murmuring takes the wryness of someone who knows what they’re saying is immeasurably corny, and he doesn’t stop. “She doesn’t know how lucky she is, but I do.”
“She deserves more.”
“She deserves you. You love her.”
You scrub your face, hiding from him behind your fingers. He waits in the quiet, now rubbing your back in large passes of his hand.
“Is that the only thing that’s making you like this?”
“I just feel like… everything I do, I could do better. Everything. And lately I feel so ugly. I thought this stuff would go away,” you confess, letting your hands fall away.
“I don’t think worrying ever goes away. Everybody worries about something.”
He ushers you back, the arm that warmed your shoulders dropping, his hand reaching instead for your face. He thumbs at tearstains and your damp top lip. “Please don’t cry,” he says, “you’re not ugly, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. You’re killer, you always have been, but it’s my fault you don’t know that. I don’t tell you enough.”
He must tell you everyday, some days he tells you ten times or more. Still, it’s nice to have him say it, to place the blame of your insecurities on him, to try and make it his problem and not yours. It’s extremely loving, if extremely untrue.
“Sorry, Eddie. I think you’re right. Think I need to sleep, and, I don’t know. Stop feeling sorry for myself.” You smile weakly.
“I don’t think that’s what it is. If you need me to tell you what I think about you to feel better, I’ll do it every hour of the day.” He beams at you. “I hate when you cry.”
You huff a laugh. “I wasn’t doing it on purpose.”
“No– No, I don’t mean it like that. Don’t make me an asshole. I’m happy to see you smile again.”
“You give a good pep talk.”
“Can I give you a kiss now, is that alright?”
“If you stop being so nice after.”
Eddie turns his face and kisses you soundly. His hand climbs to your neck, his index finger draws a short, light line up your throat as his lips move against yours, and curls into itself as he pulled away to stroke gently under your chin. Then he gives you a shove, forcing you to lay down.
“Cheer up, dummy. You’re a great mom and you’re gonna be the best wife. Chill out.”
You catch one of his mean hands to hold to your tummy.
He sits there with you for ages. Five minutes turns to ten, then ten to fifteen, nothing else said, but his hand unmoving where you’ve put it.
“Ro!” he calls eventually. “Where’d you go, bub? Are you okay?”
Her mouth is obviously full when she calls back, “I’m okay!”
“That rascal is eating my Twinkies,” he says.
“Go stop her,” you say, pinching his fingers between yours playfully, softly, one at a time.
“We’re having time to ourselves.”
“I don’t need time away from her.”
“I know. But you need time to lay down without somebody bugging you to play, or watch her do a handstand. She’ll come back as soon as she’s hid the evidence, anyways.” He rolls his eyes. “Like I won’t notice.”
You crawl towards him and curl around him, locking him in place. “Thank you for looking after me.”
“It’s literally my favourite thing to do.”
Your front to his back where he’s sitting, your face against the back of his hip, you kiss his t-shirt. He makes a soft sound, breathing out, his hands covering your arm where you’ve hooked him at the waist.
more eddie, roan and reader
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sapphicnae · 1 day
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Love, Hate and Everything in Between
Summary: Regina hated you and you hated Regina. Each of you so obsessed with taking down the other. But was this obsession pure hatred or something more?
Character Pairings: Regina x fem!reader, Regina x Cady (if you squint)
Warnings: Slurs, Bullying, Toxic Behaviour, Internalised Homophobia
Words: 2.6k
A/N: This is my first fic / one-shot on here so I hope you guys enjoy. I’ve been reading some fics on here and decided we don’t have enough Regina fics going round, so I thought, what better than a classic enemies to lovers (?). Apologies for any mistakes I did write half of this at 4am. If you do enjoy, please let me know because I wouldn’t mind turning this into a full blown fic, I have plenty more ideas for it. Also, I’m very open to requests!
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You and Regina. Two of the most popular girls in school.
Regina hated you, and you hated Regina.
 It had been this way since you had joined North Shore a year ago and gained popularity, despite Regina’s attempts to take you down at every turn. But one thing you and your best friend, Janis Imi’ike couldn’t figure out was why Regina was so obsessed with you. To the point you would catch her staring at you from across the cafeteria almost daily, albeit with an icy glare plastered on her face. You had both had your fair share of run-ins with each other, after all, Regina couldn’t stand to see the new girl rise to popularity as fast as you had in your year of being at this school. But the difference between you and Regina was that you actually treated people with respect... and you just happened look pretty while doing it.
Jealousy. That’s all you had chalked her behaviour down to, until recently.
Regina had consistently made it clear that she was in fact, not gay. From her messy relationship with Aaron Samuels to openly flirting with Shane Oman in the halls, she had made it very clear she only had eyes for men. Her performative gestures with Shane in the hallways also coupled with the spreading of rumours about certain people being a lesbian. From the way Regina had spoken this word, it had made it seem as if this was the worst possible thing to be known as at North Shore. No one in school had ever had the guts to stand up to Regina for her problematic behaviour, especially since she ruled the halls with fear. Yet her reign seemed to be interrupted the moment you transferred to North Shore. You were the only person who wasn’t afraid to defend yourself, or others for that matter.
Naturally, Regina could not stand this. Which lead to you having a constant target on your back for rumours and blatant lies in order for you to lose your popularity as well as your dignity. You thought it was incredibly excessive of her to make out that being a lesbian was a bad thing. Partly because your best friend and partner-in-crime, Janis was a lesbian and partly because deep down, you knew you had an attraction to girls too. Yet the only people who knew this was Janis and Damien, of course, your two closest friends.
You had not yet been in a relationship since joining North Shore that year, not due to avoidance, but due to all your time being taken up by your rivalry with Regina. Which was totally normal… right?
The most recent rumour that was circling the halls, of course spread by Regina, was that at a party that you had both been to last Friday night, you had made a pass at Regina. Hearing this from Damien in English class that day was the last thing you had needed after enjoying a supposedly drama free day for once. Anyone who was at the party that night would’ve known that wasn’t true, yet Regina had a certain charm to the way she could make anything seem believable. You of course weren’t surprised at her attempts to drag your reputation down for the umpteenth time this year. She loved making out that you were the one who was obsessed with her and not the other way round. It irked you to think that she could get away with having the last laugh. You would have just let it slide, but your ego once again stood in the way of your ability to allow Regina to think she had won.
So that’s when lunch rolled around. You, Janis, and Damien were sitting at your usual table, with the plastics in view. Having to watch them gossiping with each other and occasionally glancing your way had left you with a deep-seated feeling of rage. You had never been one to often keep your emotions in check, this seemed to be your downfall in situations like these. Feeling anger like this was always the driver of your revenge. Coupled with the fact that thoughts of Regina didn’t often leave your mind. Which was obviously due to the fact that you resented her so much. You hated everything about her. Sure, she was gorgeous, with those stupid green eyes that always harboured some form of winged eyeliner, along with the rest of her makeup that accentuated her already flawless features. That stupid beautiful blonde hair that always seemed to sit in the perfect place, flowing down her back like she was some sort of supermodel. Those perfect lips tha-
“Dude, are you even listening to me right now?” Janis questioned, lightly punching your arm, ripping you away from your thoughts. A small blush crept up your neck, realising you had been so deep in thoughts about Regina that you had completely zoned out of the conversation you were supposed to be having.
You faltered for a moment before attempting to save yourself with a reply “Y-yeah of course. I was just-“
“Clearly planning her revenge against queen of the plastics, god Janis, keep up” Damien chimes in, attempting to save the day. Janis just rolls her eyes at both of you. She had been dealing with Regina and her posse for years, which meant she had more or less tuned their drama out in an attempt to stay sane at this school. With you however, it was a different story, Regina somehow always found the perfect way to rile you up.
“The day queen bitch of North Shore gives it a rest with these dumbass rumours, will be the day I know peace” Janis huffed, which made both you and Damien chuckle in response. “Especially with her obsession over who’s a lesbian and who’s not. If you ask me, she should just come out of the closet already.” She then nods to you “I mean, the closet might as well be glass with the way she stares you down at any given moment. Coming from a fellow girl kisser, she wants you baaad.” She laughed at her own words. Receiving an eye roll from you this time.
“That girl needs to be called out on her shit.” You glance over at Regina who is sporting a smug smile listening in to her friends gossiping. You couldn’t stand the fact that she had gotten under your skin once again. With the rumour fresh in your mind, you couldn’t help yourself from wanting to act. Deep down you loved the drama between the both of you, it gave you some sort of high, being able to pull Regina off her own narcissistic pedestal. It was like some sort of addiction; you couldn’t get enough of it “in fact… what better time than right now?” You uttered, as you shot up from your seat. Before either Janis or Damien could sway you out of it, you were already making your way over to the table across the cafeteria.
As you approached, you could see Regina’s eyes flicker towards you, a wry smirk growing on her face. On seeing Regina’s attention shift, the rest of the plastics turned to face your way, which didn’t deter you in the slightest. Having a rivalry with Regina for this long, you were used to all eyes being plastered on you while confronting her. Plus, nothing about Regina’s minions scared you. All they ever seemed to do was blindly follow her around like lost puppies. The only person who you had never understood as being part of the group was Cady Heron. You had sat with her in a couple of your classes, and with the way she spoke, it seemed she so desperately wanted to be her own person instead of being grouped in with the meanest girls in school. This lead to you gaining a small amount of respect for her. A few times you had considered asking her why she still sticks with Regina after seeing the way she treats her, but you knew that would be a whole other mess. Besides, there was a high chance that she’d go running straight to Regina about it. It seemed as though Cady was on the tightest leash out of anyone in the plastics… probably because Regina knew she could be pulled away from her with the right amount of convincing.
Right before you reached the table you noticed Regina stiffen her posture, followed by a groan, “here comes queen lesbo of North Shore”, which was followed by a few snickers from Gretchen and Karen. Funnily enough, Cady remained silent. “What’s up? Couldn’t get enough of me Friday ni-“
You interrupt her by slamming your hands on the table, which not only grabbed the attention of the plastics, but those who were on the surrounding tables too. You lock eyes with Regina as you spoke in a low tone, attempting to control your anger towards her.
“Real cute hearing that you’re telling people I came onto you, when anyone who was there knows we barely even made eye contact.” Regina raised an eyebrow at you, smirk still in place. She then spoke condescendingly, before you could continue.
“Oh honey, of course you don’t remember, you were sooo drunk and all over me, everyone saw it, right Gretch?” She then shot her a dangerous look to which Gretchen instantly nodded in response. This amused you slightly, knowing she was laying it on thick. She was trying so desperately hard with this angle that you decided to use her tactics against her for once. You let out a laugh of false amusement before continuing.
“Oh please Regina, you’re trying so hard to convince everyone it’s true, almost as if… you wish it was? I mean it wouldn’t be surprising. I’ve seen the way you stare at me in the hallways, you make it a bit obvious don’t you think?” By this point, the smile on Regina’s face had completely dropped, morphing into a poisonous glare. As she opened her mouth to cut you off, you kept speaking, raising your tone to catch the attention of others. “-so obvious in fact, that I don’t even need to say it out loud, people are whispering about it already. So next time you wanna spread rumours like that, try taking a look in the mirror first.” People around you gasp, hearing you speak to Regina in the same way she would leaves even the queen bee herself in slight shock before she manages to compose herself. You hadn’t even considered the weight of the words you had spoken until they had left your mouth. You had basically just accused her of having a huge crush on you and judging by the state it left her in, it didn’t seem like that was far from the truth.
“So, you are gay?” Karen pipes up first, mouth slightly agape as she speaks. Regina shoots a glare at her, making her immediately look in the opposite direction.
It was your turn to smirk seeing her cheeks turn scarlet as she gritted her teeth. She was clearly outraged, the look on her face said so. Yet, hidden behind her eyes, there seemed to be an ounce of shame present. Having a moment to study this look almost made you feel… regret? Though in the next beat, she rose up from where she was sitting and took a few steps towards where you’re stood, towering over you slightly. She had rarely ever made a move to get this close to you before, and standing where she is right now, you could practically smell her expensive perfume. You fought the urge to take a step back, as your breath hitched slightly. For a moment she hesitates, her eyes flicker to your lips for just a split second, but not fast enough that you don’t catch her doing it. If this wasn’t happening in front of the whole school crowd, you would be sure that she was about to lean in and kiss you. You felt yourself taking a heavy breath to steady yourself before she snaps at you.
“Listen, dyke. If you ever catch me staring at you it’s because I think you’re a freak. And if you think for one second, I would ever be into you, then you’re even more delusional than I thought. So why don’t you and the rest of your sad little band of freaks over there, go and-“
She is almost immediately cut off by a teacher who walks over to the group, clearly having been alerted of the altercation going off in the middle of the cafeteria. Regina immediately takes a step back from you and fixes her hair, attempting to seem as innocent as possible.
“Girls, what seems to be the problem?” Ms. Norbury questions, looking between the two of you. With the rest of the plastics keeping silent, it was up to one of you to speak up first. Regina then plasters a fake polite look on her face and turns to Ms. Norbury to speak. Right as you expected her to defame you all the way to your seat in detention, she instead gives a different response.
“There’s no problem, everything’s fine.” Regina smiles at her as you see the rest of her crew nodding behind her, which brings you to scoff at the sudden change up in her demeanour. Having dealt with Regina many times before, it was clear that Ms. Norbury saw right through this attempt to get her to leave you both to it. Which lead to what she had to say next.
“Look girls, I know the two of you have had issues in the past. But I won’t tolerate drama like this during school hours.” She then steps between the both of you. “Now separate this and I’ll see you in my office after school. Both of you.” She then turns on her heel and walks away.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” you huff out in disbelief. After this, you decide it’s best to walk away from Regina and return to your table before your day could get any worse. But not before she hastily grips your forearm and subtly whispers some hostile words close to your ear.
“We are so not done, freak” she then roughly drops your arm before coasting back to her seat. Though her threatening remark left you stunned for a moment, her closeness left you breathless for longer. As you made your way back to Janis and Damien, you couldn't get the thought of her out of your head. After all the tension and pent-up anger between you, you secretly hoped she might be right. Because as you stared at her from across the cafeteria, your heart thumped in your chest, not out of fear, but something else. You were definitely not done with each other. Not by a long shot.
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moonyasnow · 2 days
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Seeing Green.
How they react to an S/O who tries to hold back bad jealousy issues
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CHARACTERS : Leona, Azul, Kalim
CONTENT : Intense jealousy from Reader, Reader has thoughts of murder (Leona's part), unhealthy behaviors (Leona's part), Reader is implied to be insecure, who am I kidding almost all of them are insecure
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Jealousy was an ugly thing, you knew…and even more so within you. It was ugly, and burning, and scared, and desperate, and bloodlust. It teemed within you, coursing through your veins as surely as your blood, seeming to radiate from your painfully throbbing heart and spread like miasma constricting your lungs and out through your nose in heavy, laborious breaths.
Sometimes you were afraid he could smell it on you...
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Leona
Leona Kingscholar, the overlooked, never-desired, second prince of the Sunset Savannah was no stranger to jealousy…no, envy was more like it, what he yearned for seemingly always just out of reach no matter how far he extended his hand. But Jealousy and Envy— desire to keep near what is yours, and desire for what someone else's possesses— are two sides to the same coin.
So then, when he saw the signs of jealousy, he instantly recognized it for what it was.
After a summons from his brother and sister-in-law back to the Sunset Savannah for some important international relations event he 'simply couldn't miss!' he dragged you with him as his living emotional support pillow. But as always happened at those events, something he'd grown used to and been expecting, he had 'suitors' crawling all over him.
Second Prince with a bane of a Signature Spell and a bad reputation or no, he was still royalty, and quite handsome. But even if the latter wasn't the case, nothing will ever stop social climbers. He knew none of them could care less about him as a person, only his title, and he had no interest in any of them.
Even though you knew this, the pit of dread in your stomach still made itself known. You didn't know any of the people who came up to the two of you— had no idea if, if given the opportunity, they might actually have any chance of stealing him away from you. But that didn't seem to matter. Because as soon as one of them came up and began to flirt with him, in the open, right next to you, his partner… Your mind roiled and screamed and wanted them dead. You wanted their head on a platter, wanted to see them shoved out a 10-story window, dig your nails into the sides of their face and force them to look at you and tremble while you asked them what they were doing, acting so familiar with your lover as though you weren't even there.
He noticed the shift in energy beside him as quick as it appeared, glancing to the corner of his eye to see you gritting your teeth, taking long, steady breaths and trying with all your might to hide the look of disgust, rage and anguish on your face. He understood instantly, and didn't even try to stop his grin.
To think his little Herbivore, usually so nice and sweet and docile, had such an ugly side to them. One that was just for him. That he alone had the sway to turn an unsure and timid thing like yourself into such a monster. But he couldn't say it was a sight he hated. He was the only this possessiveness of yours was directed toward. He, and no one else, was that special to you. He, and no one else, was desired by you.
He would exploit it. It was for him after all, wasn't it? So that feeling of yours was his to do with as he pleased. He wouldn't go out of his way, of course, who do you take him for? Instead going out of his way not to go out of his way: letting the touch of an overeager suitor linger on his shoulders instead of shrugging them off, returning their gaze for a second too long, pretending he didn't notice you biting your lip harder in distress. The way you clung to him so tightly after you retired to his room for the night, curling your body so closely around him, as though scared he'd disappear if you let go, was too sweet not to. You held him like he was precious. Priceless. More important than anything. It was a feeling he couldn't help but chase after the first time he felt it because of you.
It made him feel so powerful. Satiated something inside him with roots so deep he could never pull it out. But for a moment, this jealousy of yours made him forget it. You recognized his greatness, after all: enough to be scared of him being taken away from you…
…You recognized him.
But…when you woke him up in the middle of the night, crying quietly into his chest, he knew why. He took it too far.
Would he want to be more straightforward with you if he could? Possibly. Was it cruel? Most definitely. But 'honest' and 'nice' were two words that had never been used to describe him. He wasn't capable of that, so why even try? Besides, you knew what you signed up for, being with him.
…At least, he hoped so.
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Azul
A youth spent overlooked, insulted, bullied and outcast from the peers one is supposed to be connecting with, for Azul Ashengrotto, resulted in a very low sense of self worth. And with it, a deeply engrained fear that he wasn't good enough to truly keep the things he cherished. At least, not if he acted like himself. While for him, that most often manifested in a fear of you rejecting him; seeing a hint of weakness in him and deciding to 'cut your losses' and run, he was also not a stranger to jealousy.
You wanted to cling to him, be closer to him, hold him in a vice grip and never let go. But you were afraid to… Scared that your hold might be suffocating to him. For while you loved the intelligent, dedicated and hard-working side of him, it was also the one you feared might discard you, write you off a distraction, if he knew of your desperation for him. So then…when you saw Jade and Floyd so seemingly comfortable and easily able to take his attention even from his work, alarm bells rung in your head. You tried to soothe yourself with the fact that it was just because they were childhood friends, but that seemed to have the opposite effect. They were closer to him than you. You feared you would never be that close to him. That if it came to it, he would choose them over you in a heartbeat. It seemed to crush you from the inside out.
But you hid it. Experience had taught you that being clingy and jealous, much less showing others those feelings, never lead to anything good. You swallowed it and put it in a bottle and hoped he would never notice. Hoped you could wait until you were alone to spill your tears.
One day when you came to his office to spend time with him, your time together was briefly interrupted by Jade, coming to deliver papers of some kind. You expected him to leave quickly afterwards, watching and waiting for him to make his exit. But he met your eyes briefly, then began to make small talk with Azul. With the two focused on each other, you, at his side, felt like a fly on the wall. A ghost. A third wheel, even in the presence of your lover. Your jealousy reared its ugly head with a passion. The pressure within you only kept building until Jade had finally left.
It was then that he saw you, almost trembling, trying and failing to hide the tears welling up in your eyes and shifting infinitesimally closer to him, hands twitching to close the distance, breathing like your lungs were filled with stones, yet biting your lip hard in a by-now futile attempt to hide it. At first, he began to panic, mind spinning with thoughts of what he could have done to upset you so. But then it hit him— this only started after your time together was interrupted.
When he realized that, he realized the probable cause for your distress.
You feared losing his attention, losing his love, losing him, didn't you? You were scared someone else would come along and make him forget about you. He understood. Seven, he hated how much he understood… So much that it felt uncomfortable, seeing his own inner ugliness reflected back at him.
Having gathered evidence, he decided to confront you with it in order to ask you about the issue, like a detective would a crime-suspect. He wanted to believe it was because he knew you would lie if asked without proof. But it was just what he knew; his methods of dealing with any and all confrontation having come from a history of needing to appear always calm, detached and in-control.
When he'd confirmed his suspicions and learned of your fear, he feared he might start crying. Wether from sadness that his lover could understand that fear, or from relief at not being the only one.
You expected him to be disgusted with the extent of your jealousy, your urge to be possessive and forbid him to look at anyone but you. But next thing you knew, he, who so often shied away from even your touch, had you wrapped gently in his arms.
From then on he let you act a bit more possessive of him. He knew what would soothe his own anxiety, and hoped that the same might soothe yours. He was still plagued with the dual fear that clinging too much might suffocate you, and that loosening his hold too much might see you slip from his grasp, so he couldn't bring himself to do it. Still, he let you cling to his arm. It made him flush with both smug pride and embarrassment at the same time, having you coiled around his arm in front of others, soothing his own insecurity as much as the twins' teasing tickled his defensive side.
But he still let you.
If he could still find you lovely even with that 'ugly' side to you, he reasoned…then perhaps…just hypothetically…you could see the same in him.
One day, maybe he would show you…
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Kalim
Kalim Al-Asim, heir to the richest merchant family in the Scalding Sands, one of the richest families in the world, purely by his parents' design, has never known jealousy. All that he wished for, he got. Knowing the precarious position he was in, that an attempt could be made on his life at any moment, he never took all that he had for granted. He was grateful for it, even though his cheer might not make it readily apparent. Yet as he had never truly lost anything he deeply cherished, he wouldn't be familiar with the feelings that weighed you down.
Though that didn't mean he wouldn't notice if you weren't feeling well. He might not be able to accurately place the reasons behind it, but through experience gained from years and years of playing host at various parties— or perhaps just an older brother's instinct— he always noticed when someone was feeling low.
Kalim had always been a social butterfly, and you knew this well— better than almost anyone, in fact, partly due to that being how you met in the first place. He was mesmerizing, so in his element entertaining people at parties, or just in regular conversation, and seeing him shining so brightly and enjoying each second of life with such a passion only made you fall even deeper for him.
But unlike him, sharing didn't come as naturally to you. No matter how hard you tried to reason with yourself, say that him putting an arm around another's shoulder was only a friendly gesture, that you knew Kalim was just a naturally touchy person and it didn't mean he didn't still consider you his favorite, nothing would soothe the tempest that raged within you. Each of his smiles that you so adored, directed at someone that wasn't you, felt like poison stabbed into your gut. Every time he laughed at a comment or joke made by someone else, the world seemed to drain of color, bit by bit. No matter how much you loved— adored— him, those feelings kept coming back every second he wasn't sitting next to you, holding you, leaning on your shoulder and directing all his focus to you.
It felt inevitable, in your mind, that it would end with you being forgotten in favor of someone else. Someone funnier, someone smarter, someone happier, someone more confident, someone less anxious…someone better.
When you waded too deep into the turbulent waters and risked losing yourself to the whirlwind of your anxious, paranoid thoughts is when he would always find his way back to you again. He could always tell, like some intuitive feeling, that something was bothering you. He might not know why, since you didn't often tell him, but he didn't like seeing you like that: looking so sad and lost. Spending time worrying about what the cause could be would only be taking time away from what was actually important: making you feel better. So he did what he did best.
He came up next to you again, linking his arm through yours and rubbing your foreheads together, beginning to talk your ear off about something or other, having you try more of the feast and telling jokes to make you laugh. Your sweet laugh made his spirits soar even higher than before. And that just made him want to make you happy even more! Like a spiral of happiness.
And when, after everyone had left, you held him tighter, he held back just as tight, loving the heat of your entwined bodies curled up under the covers. You were holding a bit too tightly to be comfortable at times. But every time you recognized that and loosened your hold on him, he squeezed back tighter. It was alright, that's what he wanted to say. It was alright for you to hold him as tight as you needed.
After you eventually fell asleep, he kissed your forehead gently as you slept in his arms. He might not know the reason behind your sadness, but he'd always do whatever he could to make it go away. Nothing brought him greater joy than seeing yours. And the thought that his presence alone could soothe you made him so happy. He couldn't help himself and pressed more and more feather-light kisses all over your face.
He felt like the luckiest man in the world, getting to call you his, and you calling him yours.
Hopefully, you would be forever.
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So! This was my first headcanon post! I uh hope you liked it! Not gonna lie, I'm a liiiittle nervous posting this ; 0 v 0) I guess I'm still not really used to sharing my writing with people haha
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#5 Astrology Observations
People with Lilith conjunct personal planet(s) really triggers jealously in others so easily. They could just be sitting somewhere doing nothing and just breathes and that sh*t really trigger people
Mercury in 8th house in Solar Return Chart means that there will be circumstances where you will have no choice but to be honest about your deepest feelings and thoughts. You will also be able to see through other people's lies and their thought patterns
Nessus doesn't always means an abuser or someone who will abuse you. It can show someone who, regardless of intentions, might put you in dangerous situations even without them meaning to. They also will be the one who might lead you to make wrong decisions or giving advice that will ruin your life
Aquarius Moon people are not robots without feelings. They are detached, but they often feel things intensely too, especially when it comes to social issues that they care about. They just don't have that warmth that their opposite, Leo Moon, have. Leo Moons that I know are so expressive and have this need to constantly express, make it known. But not Aquarius Moon. I suspect that oftentimes due to their detachment, they intelectualise their feelings so much
Sister signs can play each other's characters so well in movie roles. A Virgo can act like a Pisces so well, all their somewhat innocent or idealistic tendencies, and a Pisces can act like a Virgo so well, all with their perfectionistic and goody-two shoes demeanour
The easiest to find someone that you can get along with, almost with no effort, is someone who's Sun Signs conjunct your Moon Sign. The moon person feels deeply understood even without the Sun person trying to, and the Sun person represent all the things that the Moon person feels like always has (internally) but perhaps too shy to express outwardly
You will easily connect with the sign that the dominant sign that you have on your Solar Return Chart (for ex. you have a lot of Leo in your SR chart, you will easily connect with Leos)
You know what I find interesting with 8th house synastry? Once you experience this with someone, this create some sort of a pattern in your life that you must break. So for ex. you have abandonment issues with someone that you have 8th house synastry with. Even after you break up with them, this abandonment issues will show up again in your next relationship, even if there is no 8th house synastry with this new person. This 8th house synastry is giving you the chance to truly see your weaknesses/issues and heal them, or you will continue this pattern
Juno-Sun synastry, it's usually the Sun person who is so attracted to the Juno person. The Juno person unconsciously see that the Sun person has what they need in a partner, but the Sun person will see the Juno person as someone who represents the ideal partner (like they oh so perfect for me)
In my experience, Libras are type of people who would pick a bad company rather than being alone. Even if those friends or s/o hates them or abuse them, Libra would pick them, just so that they don't have to be alone. It's one of the reason why they have these people-pleaser tendencies. It's pathetic, really. Because the second you can't be with them all time, they will choose someone else and talk sh*t about you just to please others, while you may not be there for them all the time but you have more heart or loyalties. I'm sorry if this upsets some people, but this is my experience with them.
People with Lilith in 8th house in the natal chart are usually the ones that keep the secrets that's not even theirs to begin with. They have this aura about them that tells people that they are trustworthy, and will take these secrets to the grave. And they are, but I think it's unfair to them. Sometimes these secrets are dangerous and burdensome to them mentally. I wish that people will just keep their own secrets rather than telling others and ask these people to keep these secrets that they can't even keep themselves.
People with Mercury in Scorpio really out here thinking that they can read other people's mind while the truth is that is their own paranoia. I've heard about Scorpio placement being paranoid, but the mercury is really the worst. They will ended up accusing others of f*cked up things, and when they can't provide prove except (it's my intuition), their ego get bruised so bad.
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Duo Dynamics with HSR Men
ᡣ𐭩 Summary: What is your duo dynamic with HSR men?
ᡣ𐭩 characters: Dr.Ratio(194), Argenti(219), Luka(278), and Gepard(163)
ᡣ𐭩 Warnings: Fluff, Hurt/comfort, crack, Reader being insecure of Love(Aregnti), Unrequired love to required love(Luka), Serval and Pela want to smack someone on the head(Gepard), a little bit of angst
ᡣ𐭩 ~ Want to Continue?~
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Dr. Ratio
I hate everybody but you x sunshine
Veritas Ratio’s coworkers notice that Veritas is rude and arrogant towards others but you, the sunshine student under Veritas Ratio. Even Topaz was confused by how Veritas treated you kindly while treating others with arrogance and pride. You always greeted everyone and Veritas with a smile on your face but since Veritas treated you with kindness, everyone has been teasing him nonstop which annoyed Veritas but it was worth it in his opinion. One day, you see Veritas taking care of one of his status, your eyes shine so much and go up to him. “Dr.Ratio!” You called out to him. “You look absolutely exquisite today sir.” The poor man’s heart is about to burst out in cuteness overload for you but he did not show it. “Well thank you,[Y/N]. I know that I am exquisite today but please make sure to turn in your work.” You nod and go off on your merry day. “Jeez Doctor.” Aventurine says with a sly smile. “I never knew IPC’s Sunshine had this much power over you.” Veritas has to hit Aventurine with a book since he nearly exposes the flustered man to Topaz.
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Argenti
Believes they don't deserve love x Absolutely down bad
Ah Argenti, the man who sees beauty in everything and everyone. He is the man with love for anything but he is absolutely down bad for you. You on the other hand do not see Love in a positive light. You are often insecure with yourself after a harsh break up with your ex, you unfortunately don't believe that you are undeserving for love. You think to yourself that Agrenti will use you for your body or looks. Argenti knows this and he has every right to understand where you are coming from but he also knows that he is not like your ex. He kept pursuing you, asking for a chance and the dude even says that he will wait for you like a knight would. At first you are wary and harshly reject or ignore him but after a while, you slowly accept Argenti’s advances with a promise to deal with your actions that the red haired man immediately. It does take time but you slowly slowly come to realize that Argenti loves you for you, how Argenti worships you, kisses the ground you walk on. You have decided to give love another chance and ask Argenti out which he happily accepted with an attack of compliments to you. Maybe love is not so bad after all.
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Luka
Childhood best friends to lovers
Luka is your childhood best friend and the first friend you had. You two did everything together and even looked up to each other. But sadly, life gets in the way as you have to move away to another city. Luka was heartbroken as he never confessed his love to you but he was determined to wait for you. He kept his promise alright as now as a young man in high school, being all his happy go lucky self when he heard someone call his name. He looked to the source of the voice and he saw you all grow up and pretty, he felt his heart race at the sight of you, He did not know what came up to him. He ran up to you and hugged you tightly, mumbling how he misses you and how life is not the same without you. You were glad how you could see Luka again but you noticed how Luka had that look of longing in his blue eyes, how his hands brushed against yours and he made excuses about it. You had a sneaky feeling that he had a crush on you and you are not going to lie. You also have a crush on him too because he knows you very well unlike the others and to be perfectly honest you want Luka to confess his feelings to you already. You cannot stand this unrequited love but thankfully the aeons are not so mean after all. Luka confessed to you underneath the starry skies of your two’s favorite hang out spot and you tearfully reciprocate his feelings with a kiss on the lips. Ah,young love.
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Gepard
Oblivious x Oblivious
If everyone can say one thing about you and Gepard is that you two are so oblivious to each other’s feelings is both funny and facepalm worthy. You two talk about each other all the time and even trying to say that you two don’t probably don't feel the same makes Pela wanna cry and Serval wants to hit someone with her guitar over and over again. It takes you both 4 whole months that you two love each other. “I did not know me and Gepard loved each other.” You told Serval and Pela with Gepard in Serval’s line of sight. “Why does nobody tell us? We should have known this in the first place.” The sight of Pela hitting you with the book and Serval smacking Gepard upside on the head over and over again while chasing him is to this day a funny story nobody can live it down. That is what you two get for being so damn oblivious!
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~Taglist: @dailypenpen @purpleqilinwrites @areislol @yoghurtsan @ryuryuryuyurboat @thestarswhisper @windblume-wishes @husky-studies @sanzach / @zaeshi-amatus @mitsvriii @aventxsha @the-guardian-kitsune @asoulsreverie @mccnstruck @snobwaffles @sweetlyvibe @dxmoness @inkybloom-luv
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just a girl 1
Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as possible cheating, low self-esteem, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.
Summary: you move in with your sister when your luck turns for the worst.
Characters: Walter Marshall, possible Andy Barber
Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜
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It isn't your proudest moment. You don't have many of those. There is little remarkable about, nothing of note, nothing admirable. You might stand a bit taller than most but it's rarely given as a good thing. 
You never expected much of life. You resigned yourself to living in the shadows. In particular, you knew you would always bet outshone by your sister's light. You can't hate her for it; it's your own shortcoming. Besides, no one can hate Riannon, she's just that nice. 
You are dark smear on the family name. It's why you didn't even think to ask your parents for help. You didn't even ask your sister, she offered, insisted really. You could never deny her and in this instant, you couldn't afford any other option. 
It’s just for a while, you keep telling yourself. You’ll find a new job and a place soon. For now, you’ll just stay out of the way. It isn’t very hard; you take up much more room than your few possessions. 
You keep yourself holed in the guestroom as you settle into your second day. You have your laptop on your thighs as you scroll the job boards. You have the experience but you expect your reference would be any good. You didn’t exactly end on cordial terms. Starting from square one, though the industry isn’t exactly even ground for men and women alike. 
You hunker down to search through the various postings within your purview. Every classification is ticked off, even the years, it’s just that little note about contacting your previous employers that makes you nervous. Well, you at least have to try. 
A knock comes at the door as you edit your cover letter once again. You sit up and close the computer. You slide it aside and get up. You cross the room and crack the door open. You sister smiles from the other side. 
“Am I making too much noise?” You ask as your music plays music from its tiny speaker. 
“No, no, not at all. Um, so you know Andy is out of town for the day so it’s just us,” she rocks, “and there’s a barbecue down the street so... I thought you could get to know the neighbourhood.” 
You look down at her, the offer catching you off guard. You were prepared to spend the whole day hidden away and poring over job listings. Even when you had your own place, you tended to spend most of your own time inside. 
Still, she is doing you a huge favour and it would be rude to say no. You shrug, “okay.” 
“Great, I have some potato salad I'm bringing,” she chirps.  
“Uh,” you look at her blue checkered capris and pristine white blouse, “should I change?” 
“It’s up to you. I'm just going to get packed up. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” 
Her excitement is palpable. She probably expected you to say no. You don’t want to let her down again. You’re tired of that feeling. 
You close the door as she bounces away and you retreat to search through your still unpacked suitcase. Your clothes hang over the sides. You pick out a band shirt and a pair of dark grey jeans. You don’t have any shorts and you know your repertoire of dark colours only draws in the sun’s fury, and like of the vaunted HOA, but you don’t have many options. 
You emerge with a pair of converse in hand and head into the kitchen. Rhiannon snaps the lid onto a big bowl as she beams up at you. You don’t understand how you share the same blood, she’s so different than you. Where you’re tall and gangly, she’s small and dainty; where your dour and reticent, she’s bright and bubbly. Your parents even kidded that you must’ve been switched at the hospital. 
“Ready?” She asks. 
You nod and look down at yourself. 
“If you want to borrow a skirt or something, it’s pretty hot out.” 
“It’s fine.” 
You don’t take her offer as any comment on your choice, only genuine concern. If it was your mom, you would know it was more than that. To be fair, your mother is very direct with her critiques. Besides, even if her clothes would fit you, you don’t want to risk ruining any of her things. 
“Alrighty, well, Marge will kill me if I’m late again,” she sings and sweeps around with the bowl. “It’ll be nice to get out, huh?” 
“Mhmm,” you grumble and follow her down the hall to the front door. 
She steps into her wedged sandals as you sit to pull on your converse and lace them up. You stand and get the door for her as she prances towards it. She thanks you and you trail her out. The sun hits you like fire. It’s so hot, though you think some of the heat comes from your own self-consciousness. 
As you catch up to your sister at the bottom of the steps, you slow down to keep from outpacing her shorter legs. Even with her platformed soles, she’s still ahead shorter than you. You turn down the sidewalk as you shy away from the strange faces headed in the same direction. 
“You want me to carry that?” You offer. 
“Hey, I might be small but I can handle a salad,” she chirps. 
“I know, I wasn’t--” 
“I’m teasing. It’s fine, I got it,” she assures you as she hugs the bowl to her stomach, “I just want you to have a good day. Don’t think about everything else, okay?” 
“Mm, okay,” you keep your head down as you slink next to her jouncing steps, “sorry, I'll try not to be too grim.” 
“Whatever, you’re awesome,” she nudges you with her elbow, “you just be yourself and I know you’ll find some good friends around here.” 
You try to smile but it hurts. She always sees the best in others, even when it’s not there. You keep pace with her and turn up another curated lawn. The walk is perfectly laid and the blossom tree sways overhead. 
Rhiannon is welcomed through the open gate by one of those blonde women she has her book club with and you shuffle in with your hands in your pockets. You feel the woman’s harsh gaze and peek up. She looks at you the same way your mother does. Her name is Marge and her friend is Callie and there are dozens of the Stepford-like figures posted throughout the yard. 
“Come, let’s put your salad out,” Marge insists. 
Rhiannon looks at you and you chew your cheek, “go, I'll be fine.” 
She looks reluctant but you’re already walking away. You ignore the smell of sausage and beef rising from the barbeque and the splash and laughter of children from the pool. You aren’t going to find any friends here. That much is clear. Housewives and little kids, you don’t really fit the bill. 
You find your way to the far end of the lawn and stand by a tree you might just blend into. Or maybe you might bury yourself in the rose bushes. You pull your hands from your pockets and hook your fingers into your belt loops, swaying as you watch a bumble bee hover over the grass. 
“Foo Fighters, huh?” A low drawl brings your head up as a man approaches with a beer bottle in hand. 
“Um, yeah,” you look down at your shirt, tugging on the hem. 
“You go to a show?” He asks as he stops near you, drinking from the bottle as he waits for your answer. 
“Never been to one,” you cross your arms, “but I listen to them.” 
“Ah, yeah, well, they put on a hell of a show,” he wiggles the bottle as he talks, “lot more fun than these things.” 
You look up the yard towards the mingling of voices and sound. Despite your efforts to hide in a corner, you must have stuck out like a sore thumb. Shoot, maybe he thinks you’re trespassing. 
“I came with my sister,” you point and shift towards the party, “sorry, um, Rhiannon. I didn’t... I was just looking at the roses.” 
“Not my party,” he scoffs, “I don’t care.” 
“Oh,” you blink and look at him. He's about your height, dark curly hair, and vibrant blue eyes. His dark beard is thick and stubble prickles along his neck. He wears a plain white shirt and jeans; the bare minimum. “Right, er, well...” 
“Not a bad idea, hiding behind a tree,” he remarks, “but you're missing the key ingredient.” 
He stops and stares, crooking a brow as if you should know what he means. 
“Alcohol,” he raises his bottle, “they got a keg even. Probably the only good part about these bull—these things.” 
“I don’t drink,” you mutter, “but thanks.” 
You put your head down and stare at the grass around his shoes. You don’t know why he’s bothering you if it isn’t to make you leave. Obviously, you don’t belong. 
“Never too late to start,” he snorts and stays as he is. 
You don’t know how to make him leave you alone so you say nothing. The bee dips into a tulip’s mouth and you turn to watch it. Maybe he’ll take your silence as a hint. 
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bengiyo · 2 days
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Wandee Goodday Ep 2 Stray Thoughts
Last week, we finally got a show with Drake and his beautiful eyebrows and ears, and he's playing an ace character, Kao, who is struggling with dating! Our protagonist, Wandee, is a doctor at local hospital and has been crushing on another doctor for eight years. He finally confessed and got crushed before embarrassing himself. He decided to go out and hook up to prove he wasn't vanilla, and drunkenly followed his recent patient Yoryak, a boxer, and somehow succeeded. Thor is also here as Yoryak's brother, and is in a committed gay relationship. I'm having a good time.
Not this man interrupting sex for constant reassurance.
Appreciating the blue to remind us that these guys have dicks.
"Once is enough." I love this man. He's gonna be so embarrassing.
Golf knows what the people need: Thor's tiddies jiggling.
Cher out here a whole liar pretending like he don't like that man's sweat.
Kao has incredible energy. I love him.
I swore when I saw Ter.
He really tried to talk over Dee! I hate him!
That was such a gay snap holy shit.
Ter is horrible. Where are my knives?
Interesting. Cher talks like Yoryak hooks up regularly. Does he care about all of his partners like this?
It's Rain's kidnapper! Danger, Will Robinson! Please don't typecast this man!
Wow, they were already planning to sell porn of them date raping this man.
If this dude comes back later and kidnaps Wandee I will scream.
Watching with @yankeebastard and he complimented the way the show is approaching Yoryak's bisexuality, by showing that he has genuine regard for Taem as a whole person, and reflected on the mild chiding she gave him during his care for Wandee. He sincerely listens to her, and takes what she says seriously even when she isn't around.
I think Oyei's pressure is really well calibrated. It's not too much.
Obligatory Golf cameo at the queer cafe.
Getting emotional about grandmothers again.
David and I are so relieved that we recognized AJ correctly on the first try.
I think it was petty who already wrote about the way Yoryak respects people's boundaries. I love the way he asked if Wandee wanted to do it, and then left on his own when he remembered what Wandee said about hookups.
I'm going to ascend. We got good ground rules for their relationship, and I really love that Yoryak asserted that Wandee needs to use his name. On top of that, we finally have a presumed bottom being clear that he wants his dick played with too.
The lighting department is doing wonders with the contours of their bodies.
I love that Yoryak made it clear that he wants to kiss and it's coming up in their hookups.
Wow, another banger episode. This is definitely the kind of grown content I have wanted out of the genre for a long time. Thank you, Golf Tanwarin. I'm going to be thinking about Yoryak and wondering at what makes him so sensitive to his prospective lovers all week. Let me also state plainly that it feels so important that we acknowledged openly that guys who enjoy taking dick also like to have their dicks played with, too.
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ironunderstands · 3 days
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Here’s my comparison of Acheron, Aventurine and Ratio that I made in 2.1 which I forgot to upload here lol, I would like you to know my thoughts then because OH BOY HAS THIS AGED WELL
Aventurine, Acheron, Ratio and what the Nihility means to them
(Inspired by a convo I had with @aoxizu on Tumblr!)
The ending scene of the 2.1 update (the one featuring the black hole) is perhaps one of my favorite in all of fiction. I genuinely adore the way it was done and what it says about both the characters and life itself. This game has THEMES and by god did they come through then. So, I want to go over why I love it so much, and why it’s such a vital moment for Acheron, Aventurine and Ratios characters.
First, some context. Prior to Aventurine’s and Acheron’s conversation, Aventurine was taking the riskiest gamble of his life. Prior to the confrontation between him, Acheron and the Astral Express, Aventurine set up a plan to try and get to the secret at the heart of Penacony, as well as provide a ruse for Topaz and Jade to do, well whatever they planned on doing, the ending scene says they came there to “harvest”, so in 2.2 I assume we will find out what exactly that entails.
In order for this plan to work, Aventurine needed his cornerstone and to trick Sunday, so pre-2.0 he went to Dr. Ratio to include him in this plan, and set up a fake betrayal to fool Sunday and allow him to keep the Aventurine stone, with the Jade and Topaz stones also being acquired pre-Penacony. We know this because of Aventurine’s conversation with Topaz post 1.4 Belabog mission in which he requests her help in Penacony, something which we didn’t get confirmation on whether or not she accepted until 2.1, in which it’s revealed that one of the Cornerstones in the box is Topaz, meaning when they got confiscated in 2.0 she had already accepted his offer (we can assume a similar situation for Jade). 
Essentially, everything had been going according to plan for IPC (even if Aventurine was absolutely not having a fun time during it), Ratio even says as much, stating that the IPC is pleased to hear of his death sentence, so that part of the confrontation was already predetermined. This leaves Aventurine with one final gamble, hoping the Astral Express and Acheron take the bait, and that they will try and stop him from destroying the entire dreamscape, which if Acheron acts on it, he could entire the true dreamscape to find the truth, as only an emanator could break through the power of the harmony. 
Luckily for Aventurine, the gamble pays off and Aventurine does indeed draw her blade, both stopping him and sending them both into another plane entirely, it’s there in which one if my favorite scenes in fiction ever occurs. 
You see, even if Aventurine planned this all from the start, he hasn’t exactly been having a fun time while doing it. Being sentenced to death and then slowly hallucinating on Harmony sh1t until the manifestations of your past self and your present doubt and insecurities come to haunt you isn’t exactly fun for anyone, especially Aventurine. 1) Because his backstory is horrifically tragic and being faced with a reminder that you will never feel secure or valued or truly happy would be enough to erode away the psyche of anyone 2) A version of himself which claims to be his future, but is more like a personification of how much Aventurine doubts and hates himself. It’s even more telling that this isn’t the first time he has talked to this version of him, in fact it saved his life several times, meaning one of Aventurine’s driving motivations is his own self loathing. 
A trait that on the surface you don’t think he would have, Aventurine plays the role of the confident, unflappable gambler who always wins, when in reality his other hand is under the table, clutching his chips for dear life (something I quite literally paraphrased from the game). 
Therefore, going into this conversation, Aventurine is more relieved than anything, yet another one of his gambles paid off, but now he will have to see how to go from there, and that’s when Acheron’s advice comes in. She’s not stupid, and immediately recognizes that he won (or at least got what she wanted), and that killing him is meaningless, it’s not his time yet. However, what Aventurine is really focused on is the fact that out of all the emanators he could have come across, the one he faces now is an emanator of nihility.
And well, in the face of overwhelming nihility, one’s own value comes into question yet again, and that’s something Aventurine doesn’t even need the aeon for to ask. So, he talks to Acheron, as IX isn’t exactly going to answer, but she might know. Now, I’m just going to lay out the dialogue (then explain it obviously) because it’s genuinely amazing. 
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Aventurine starts out by asking Acheron if she is an emanator of nihility, and I find her response to be really interesting. She doesn’t view herself as someone chosen by IX, as nihilism (the feeling of meaningless) envelops everyone equally, but she has simply walked in their shadow longer, tainted on the feeling. This leads Aventurine to question if this is the end, as if life has lost all meaning, in the face of overwhelming nihility, would that mean he’s dead?
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Luckily Acheron immediately disagrees, stating that this is merely a manifestation of IX, not the end (he’s not dead guys idk how anyone can think that). However Aventurine still questions if his death has been determined, but Acheron doesn’t promise it. She mulls over his plan and and Aventurine asks her why she thinks he did it, and Acheron believes it was to find a secret deeper than the dream “deaths: the Real Penacony. He wonders how she found out, and Acheron says it’s the trailblazer’s identity which allowed her (and Aventurine) to come to this conclusion (we don’t yet know how this happened for either of them yet, but 2.2 should give answers).
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They continue, Aventurine reveals that he believes the barrier the family built using the power of the harmony was not just to keep death out but the nightmare that is the real dreamscape. That the Memory Zone is simply a vast island built atop a violent ocean with the barrier keeping whatever nightmarish secrets from washing ashore. In order to break through this barrier and find the real dreamscape, which is why he kept killing himself earlier in the dream, but to no  avail. When Sparkle gave him the hint, he realized it was referring to Firefly, someone who had seen the other side and survived it, even if she was unable to let others know if it. It wasn’t proof of the families wrongdoing, but it was suspicious enough for him to try and get Acheron to kill him, rather than try and find the Meme to recreate Firefly’s death. 
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Acheron points out just how insane this plan was, that if he hadn’t gotten lucky and crossed path with her, it wouldn’t have succeeded. Then, she commends him for playing it perfectly, pitting her perfectly against him and creating a plan that would be beneficial for the IPC no matter what happened, as even if he dies that would be great leverage. However, Aventurine disagrees with that last point, he truly can’t guarantee the IPCs success or even his own survival, that if she hadn’t drawn her blade it would have all be pointless. 
She’s doesn’t let him continue along this line of thought, what-ifs are pointless and he earned his ticket to the dreamscape. What matters now is what happens next, and Acheron asks him if he can return from the abyss (Childe reference?), but more importantly, she questioned if he has ever wavered, as even a gamble as seemingly insane as the one Aventurine just did seems to have not shaken him (from her POV, we know how terrified Aven was but everyone else minus maybe Ratio does). 
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Aventurine tells her perhaps the most fundamental aspect of his character; he gambles simply because he has no other choice, betting on everything because he has nothing else to lose. Acheron tells him to wake up from this “dream” (aka find the true dreamscape), and she presumably goes to leave.
However (and this is my favorite part of the scene), he asks her one more question before she leaves, thinking she might know the answer as a pathstrider of nihility, “Why are we born in this world if it’s just to die?”
Her response is the best possible way you could answer this question. Acheron is an emanator of nihility, but she doesn’t think life is meaningless. The feeling of emptiness and pointlessness envelops everyone equally and that’s exactly why the nihility is pointless. It doesn’t matter that nothing matters, and we aren’t born into this world just to die. 
Aventurine still worries though, after all if the dice of fate will always roll to the same conclusion, then destiny is predetermined, so why struggle? Why does it matter?
Her answer again is not one he would expect, but one that absolutely makes sense. Acheron says the answer has been with Aventurine throughout his entire life and journey on Penacony, and that he’s already somewhat realized it. Aventurine said himself that sleep is a rehearsal of death, but people aren’t ready to welcome death, which is why they sleep to get a taste of it. Sleep is much like death, a realm of unreality in which anything might be possible within the dreams that define its existence. Death itself is an unreality, and nobody truly knows what it’s like to die, but dreams are the closest we might ever get before the end. Like Acheron says, in a way, dreams are just a preparation for death, a practice before it can be welcomed. 
However, much like how dreams can contain anything, even if we cannot choose to experience them or not, life itself is full of choices, regardless of if the ending is determined or not. Acheron understands that there are an infinite amount of things people cannot change before the end, but there are choices you can make up until it. Death is inevitable, but the life you live before it isn’t. This is what the words in red mean, both here and in my opinion, in general. 
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Acheron reminds the trailblazer to make the right choice when time comes for it, in our first meeting with her. However, I don’t think the path we choose matters, but rather the the fact that we chose at all. Now the next paragraph will include a minor discussion of 2.2 leaks, so skip to the next slide if you don’t want to hear it. 
Sunday is getting a bossfight in 2.2, and it’s highly theorized that he works/believes in Ena the Order, especially because it looks like it’s their hand he’s touching in that one animation of the bossfight. Now here’s the thing, Order as a concept Chooses For You. I think the trailblazer making a decision is the thing that will save them and the rest of the gang, as within the face of an entity defined by limiting choice and free will, choosing to well, choose will save them (us?) and perhaps be the thing that gets the trailblazer acknowledged by the Harmony, a concept greater than Order. 
Anyways, after she says that, Acheron leaves Aventurine, saying the answer to his question was from his friend.
And Aventurine pulls out the vial from Dr. Ratio
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The vial telling him that the only impossible thing in the dreamscape is dormancy (meaning the secrets from before are destined to rise and destroy the “island” that is Penacony.
The vial telling him to stay alive and wishing him the best of luck, which in the Chinese version is: 
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Ratio answered both of Aventurine’s questions. The physical one, the one that pertains to Aventurines goals in Penacony, informing him of a vital aspect of the dreamscape that will help him win his gamble. But more importantly, he also answered Aventurine’s emotional one. What is the point of living? There is no real deeper meaning but to stay alive, survive and keep on living, because at the end of the day, that’s the only choice Aventurine can make, and that’s the one Ratio wants him to make.
Ratio Gives Aventurine A Reason To Live. 
Aventurine says that he has nothing left, his family is gone and he has nobody and nothing to fall back on which is why he gambles. But Acheron proves him wrong, he isn’t alone, she calls Ratio his “friend”, says that he’s the solution to his doubt. Someone caring about Aventurine is what saves his life, he walks into the massive black hole unafraid not because he holds some secret power or technique or trick, but because someone cares about him, and that someone taught him that caring about himself is enough. Aventurine didn’t need the power of an emanator to survive the true dreamscape, he only needed a friend, and the will to keep going that he realized from them. 
This is the true meaning of nihility, not that  Aventurine says that he has nothing left, his family is gone and he has nobody and nothing to fall back on which is why he gambles. But Acheron proves him wrong, he isn’t alone, she calls Ratio his “friend”, says that he’s the solution to his doubt. Someone caring about Aventurine is what saves his life, he walks into the massive black hole unafraid not because he holds some secret power or technique or trick, but because someone cares about him, and that someone taught him that caring about himself is enough. Aventurine didn’t need the power of an emanator to survive the true dreamscape, he only needed a friend, and the will to keep going that he realized from them. the universe is meaningless, but that regardless of if it has one or not, it doesn’t matter. It’s this realization that saves Acheron from losing herself like other emanators, it’s this realization that allows Aventurine to cross the event horizon of that manifestation of IX, and it’s this realization that I believe is why Dr. Ratio was never acknowledged by Nous: he was already treading the path of nihility without even realizing it. 
Now this is where my conversation with @aoxizu comes in, and I’m just gonna paste directly what they said because I think it’s amazing and everyone should read it, more importantly it’s what inspired this slideshow in the first place.
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Ratio tells Aventurine to live despite everything because that’s the only thing he can do. It doesn’t matter how absurd life is, or how meaningless it all seems, choose to live anyways, because all you have are choices, and it doesn’t matter if they lead to some grand outcome or future or whatnot. To Ratio, life doesn’t, and shouldn’t care about that. Existence doesn’t need to make sense to be worth it, and that’s a sentiment both me, the characters and the og poster share.
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Acheron is a lot like Ratio, she chooses to live despite having discovered the meaninglessness of the universe. In an existence seemingly black and white she chooses to paint the world red with her choices, accepting its reality and choosing to forge her own path rather than succumb to the madness. That’s why she says in her trailer, “there is no other choice but to move forward” and that’s because there really is no other choice, the universe doesn’t have some grand plan for anyone and you can’t turn back time to change anything, so all you can do is move forward.
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My contribution! I’ve already kinda started but I do want to talk about how Ratio could be treading the path of nihility, but I’ll let this amazing post finish.
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So yeah, amazing post, and I don’t think I could reword what they said in a better way than they did. Bringing up the philosophical aspects of this scene makes me really happy because they are so prominent, but most people aren’t really aware enough to notice. Absurdism is one of the driving inspirations behind the dreamscape, and it’s nice to see someone else besides you (see: my slideshow about Penacony and its American influences for an elaboration on this) bring it up. Honestly I think that philosophy fits Ratio far better than any of the Ancient Greek stuff you try to slap on him. Sure he obviously has the inspirations, but he’s closer in spirit to philosophers from the 1700s to now than them, a reinterpretation of Greek scholars rather than a copy of them. 
And this is where my idea that Ratio is a pathstrider of nihility (and he doesn’t even know it yet) comes in. He doesn’t view knowledge in the same way that pathstriders of Erudition do; knowledge for knowledges sake has never been something Ratio has cared about. Knowledge means something to Ratio because it allows people to better themselves, not because it has some sort of inherent value. That’s why he’s so determined to spread it, he wants everyone to reach their fullest potential, and dedicates his life to doing so. Regardless of if the universe has meaning or not, that doesn’t mean people can’t try and live their best lives, and that’s the philosophy Ratio truly believes in.
Moreover, this is why it’s so meaningful that Ratio is the one to help Aventurine, he’s teaching him something Ratio himself learned long ago when he got rejected by the Genius Society. Despite all of Ratio’s intellect and qualifications, he will never be good enough for them because he simply doesn’t view knowledge in the way they do. But instead of this meaninglessness (nihility) consuming him, Ratio dedicated his life to doing what brought him meaning and validation rather than searching for some hidden answers from the universe (specifically Nous).
And it’s not like he just accepted it happily. Ratio still wants their acknowledgement, and it still hurt (and hurts) him a lot to not have it, which is why I think he unknowingly strides the path of nihility. To Ratio, his view on knowledge is simply how knowledge is, and the fact that Nous will never perceive it in that way because his philosophy is more nihilistic than it is erudite is something Ratio might never come to terms with. But that’s ok. The point is that it’s ok, Ratio doesn’t need to be acknowledged or to understand the truth of the universe to be happy or do well for himself. Our universe might mean nothing and yeah that can and will suck, but existence is more valuable than some grand cosmic plan, and even if you don’t realize it, choosing to live is enough.
Continually, this reminds me of the conversation Aventurine had with his hallucination self, in which he told real Aventurine that him and Ratio are very similar. In a way, they are, both struggling to find meaning in their lives, and Ratio helps Aventurine find meaning in his without really even knowing how. Sure the note was meant to keep Aventurine going, but Ratio caused Aventurine to come to a conclusion that probably won’t find Ratio for a while. He helped Aventurine overcome nihility without even knowing it, without Ratio even realizing that THAT is the thing he has been struggling with, and the path he has been walking the whole time.
I really hope we get to see Ratio again, and at the very least I want a story quest for him because I want to analyze his brain under a microscope. Him and Acheron need to meet asap I want more Ratio content idc if everyone else in the fandom hates him I love him and he’s my pookie bear and I will write 3039493494 things about him when it comes to me UGHHHH. Anyways I didn’t know how end this so this is the ending yaaayyy! I hope you liked it and if you have any thoughts let me know! 
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Og post over! That was a long ass read and past me was absolutely cooking up a storm, oh god did this age well and I was right about or close to right about a lot of shit haha. Anyways I really do hope you enjoyed reading this, and this will hopefully provide some needed context for my next posts on this subject. Also feel free to repost this onto other sites I’m very proud of it
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moeblob · 11 hours
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Ananza realizing that Deacon's mom was a devoted follower of hers THEREFORE that's her son now, too! And she will dote on him and love him and never pick on him like all the other deities tend to do. That's her precious little boy who lives in another city and rarely gets to see her!
#my characters#deacon gets mocked for being weird by every other deity but her and ymber (though he does think hes a TAD weird)#and ananza is like NOPE THATS MY LIL BOY !!! I LOVE HIM! and after deacon and ymber leave from their visit#she gets all huffy with fulj because YOU COMPLAINED ABOUT DEACON SO MUCH ??? my sweet lil angel?#and fulj just what - hey wait - did we meet the same person? sweet lil angel?#also for if you care cause i definitely do#ananza is like hmmmm since thats my son now i HAVE to give him something but .... ymber is so protective....#and then she is like OH YEAH ! ohime said deacon recognized my dance !#then she is like deacon please come dance with me i formally request a dance come here away from him please here hey#and since deacon is a nice guy hes like ok but i cant really dance well and shes just noooo worries!#and then as they dance she slowly gets him away from ymber and after they are at a decent distance she just#takes his hands in hers and then FWOOSH there's a bunch of wind and deacon is left speechless like ??? what was that?#and so then she is so proud to say that while ymber placed a very PASSIONATE blessing on him she did no such thing!#it is a simple blessing for him since hes like a son to her and hey it might not make you immune to stuff like drowning#but if you are ever in combat which i hope you arent then you will be super duper agile and quiet#and so hes like oh thats pretty cool actually! hey wait what did you mean by passionate hey what#but then the super light footsteps actually are not simply for combat and now hes just a very tall quiet guy#and since he cant remember faces if he sneaks up on someone and they say AGAIN? HOW ARE YOU SO QUIET? hes just#im sorry i didnt mean.... to.... do that.... again.............. (whomst is this and how many times did i spook them)#and ymber is just really happy that thank goodness his blessing and ward act as a GPS and so at least HE knows when deacon is nearby#and fulj is like i hate him even more now did you know he nearly gave me a heart attack like two hours ago ??? this is a crime against me#anyway ananza and deacon are just cute together and hes her precious lil son!
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femboty2k · 3 days
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The Great Trans Girl Exodus Commission Post
Hello once again! To make a long story short: My darling wife and I are trying very hard to be able to move from Texas to Colorado ahead of how bad legislature is getting here. We have savings and a plan but its shaping up to be a very expensive and stressful finding a place to actually move in to. Our lease here is up at the end of June so we're starting to really crack down on trying to find places to apply to. I'm making this post because we would really appreciate some extra funds to add to what we have saved to make this move possible and if its an option: comfortable. We're a pair of trans lesbians trying so very very hard to make a life for ourselves in this country that hates us. Below I've attached some basic pricing and examples of the type of pixel art I do as well as some of my writing as I'm A-Okay writing for other folks if you like my prose or brand of article jank. If you have any questions about anything here please feel free to send me a DM on here and we can talk more about what you want and what I can do for you. Thank you so much if you end up commissioning anything or even if you just share this post. Examples and pricing below the cut:
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Y2K Stylized Piece: $50+ (Price can range based on piece complexity desired)
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Flat colour piece w. basic detailing: $60+ (Price can range based on number of characters desired and background complexity, basic BG is included in piece)
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Detailed/Low-Poly Style piece: $75+ (These ones take the longest due to the by-hand editing needed to ensure the style is cohesive or detailing is done on the whole piece. Price can range based on complexity desired.)
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Pixel Chibi: $20 (Pixel Chibi pricing is locked at $20)
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Emote Suite: $35 (Price covers up to 9 custom emotes sized for usage in Discord and other messaging use cases)
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Doodle: $25 (A flat simple piece with a simple concept done on a small canvas)
WRITING EXAMPLES:
Fiction: Tactile Sensations, a Sci-Fi short story Article Writing: Bloodborne PXS: One of the best fanworks on the web Writing prices start at $30 and can fluctuate upwards based on piece length. Thank you so much for checking out my work and/or sharing it. We're trying to start a new life for ourselves in a safer place, and we really do appreciate any help. Thank you!
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feyresdandelion · 2 days
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"Elain can’t be with Azriel because she hates violence."
I don’t think anyone in the inner circle loves violence. I would go as far as to say everyone hates it. It doesn’t mean they don’t have to use it once in a while to protect the people they love.
Elain hates violence, yes, but she also stabbed the King of Hybern in the neck to protect her sister and kicked the beasts in their faces with her bare feet to protect Azriel and the human girl. She has used violence to protect the people she cares about more than once.
Also, why are you reducing Azriel’s character to just his job? He is so much more, and I doubt he loves torturing people or violence. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have to do his job.
And the fact that people say that Elain needs light and Lucien is light and that flowers perish in darkness but bloom in light (girl what 😭 flowers need light AND darkness, please learn about photoperiodism) and that Lucien, as the son of Helion, is light and Azriel is darkness, and Elain, being a flower, needs light.
First of all, Lucien is not light. His name is the only light imagery he has had this far. He has a lot of fire imagery; he’s said to have inherited his mother’s family fire powers, he is called the Lord of Fire… If we follow their logic, fire kills flowers, so he would be just as bad for Elain as Azriel is.
Second, flowers don’t die in darkness. They need darkness, the same way they need light. Not everything is black and white; sometimes something needs a mix of two opposing sides to flourish.
And third, Elain herself wants Azriel. Azriel wants Elain. Why are people so obsessed with trying to take their autonomy and choices from them?
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loverboy-radio · 2 days
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Hello! I was wondering if I could make a request of the Dorm-leaders reacting to a male reader with the Unique Magic of a Empathic Healer? This Unique Magic can allow the reader to heal any and all wounds on the person. However, the wounds are not removed, but rather transferred to the reader instead, acting as if he was the one who got injured. Despite the risks his magic would bring him, the reader can't help himself but use it if it means to help others who are hurting.
Thank you!
thank you for the request it seems to be a very interesting concept. so i'll give it a try. now i don't know if you wanted this romantic or not so i will try to make it both in a way.
Characters: riddle, malleus, vil.
Reader: Male
i have only done some of them as the rest i have no idea what to write for them as the reaction would be the same
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RIDDLE
when he found out your UM he was like "ok he can do that"
until realization kicked in about the fact you hate to see people in pain and have just transferred a broken hand with bone sticking out to yourself.
so now he is making sure people don't take advantage of this and make his boyfriend take their injury for them.
which will get anyone collared even if it was trey.
and thats saying something.
he does at times feel guilty when you decided to use it one him one day. and gave you a lecture about 2 hours long about how these kinds of thing can become very bad over time ect ect.
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VIL
now he is one that would only allow you to use it if he somehow managed to get a bruise.
or if you give him a hickey
anything else he will not allow.
he is very interested about it as it would be something useful to a point.
vil would also make sure no one tries to make you take a really bad injury from anyone like a deep cut, or broken bone.
he would even make sure rook kept an eye on you so you don't do something like that EVER.
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MALLEUS
once he finds out you can do this he will never allow you to use it EVER.
he knows how fragile human can be and as much as he loves and respects your decision. he will do everything in his power to make sure you are never hurt.
and if he finds out you did it without him knowing he feels betrayed.
cause you just did something that will bring you injury on purpose.
and whoever you took the injury from might not be seen again.
but please don't do this you are his boyfriend, his future husband. he will never be able to live with himself if you took an injury that you could never recover from.
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Note
Hello hello,dearie!!
How are you,good?
My name is Nina or Weewoo,self proclaimed platonic (Hazbin) asker!
I have seen your platonic works,and I have to say,you've peeked my interest,darling!
The way you write is very wholesome and cute,so please,indulge me in an ask!
May I request a Zestial,Rosie,Alastor,Vox,Husk,Charlie and Carmilla (you may remove,replace or add character as you so please! I simply like to give a character list so you can choose!) with a platonic!child!reader that loves art but gets really messy with it? A little energetic artist.They're all giddy and happy getting everywhere with the rainbows and sunshines. Maybe one time they get really upset because they messed up,and they start to cry? (If you need an age approximate,maybe 6-10 years old?)
I hope that not too much info!!
Have fun writing this,don't forget to drink,eat,and take breaks!!
Have a fantastic day,honey!
Stay proud.
-Nina <33
A/n: My shift key fell off so I'm having a hard time with that. Sorry if I accidentally didn't capitalize something! (I planned to also do Vox but I couldn't think of anything, I'm so sorry!)
!!not proofread!!
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Roise: Doesn't care that you are messy with art at all! She'll make sure you don't stain or break anything but besides that she lets you go wild. Would probably give you your own art room. Is also very sad when you mess up. She hates seeing you sad. She draws with you to help you feel better.
Alastor: He likes you but stay away from him when painting. He would rather keep having a red suit, rainbow wouldn't suit(ha) him. Though he does give you room to paint and draw where you want. All those spaces are suspiciously close to Husk. Tries (and likely fails) to comfort you when you mess up. Might draw with you to help you smile again. After all, you're never fully dressed without a smile.
Husk: Talks to you while you draw. Kind of like you are a drunk bar patron lol. But instead of their insecurities it's what animals you like (or maybe about your insecurities too.) Very grumpy especially when you get paint on him but he does care deep down. For example, when you mess up he helps you calm down. Gets you some chocolate milk or apple juice or whatever you want <3.
Charlie: Very supportive! She'll draw with you!!! Happy to help get you supplies. While she gets that you're a child and usually wouldn't be that upset about making messes, Nifty keeps giving you death glares and she doesn't want to risk anything. Feels bad when you're upset. She'll get you anything that she can help to make you calm down, and also does a group session on learning about healthy coping mechanisms. It's supposed to help you not break down but everyone in the hotel, including her, could use it.
Carmilla: She has two kids so I'd imagine she has some experience. Hangs your art on the fridge like a true mother. While she does like you being hyper and happy she doesn't think the house needs a new paint job. She'll try to make sure you get most of your paint and markers on the paper. Like I said she has two kids so she is great when comforting you when you mess up. She'll encourage you to try again and might even draw with you if that helps.
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thelesbododo · 1 day
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This is a headcanon circulating around a sensitive topic and one that you may not agree with so if you don't want to read it please scroll.
This headcanon revolves around the character Osamu Dazai and the concept of sexual assault
I believe that Dazai was sexually assaulted as a child
This has nothing to do with Mori and takes place long before they even meet
While it is true we know little to nothing of BSD Dazai's past, it is also true that it is highly likely the Irl author and his No Longer Human counterpart was SA'd
There are two specific pieces of writing are evidence of this
"My true nature, however, was one diametrically opposed to the role of the mischievous imp. Already by that time I had been taught a lamentable thing by the maids and manservants; I was being corrupted. I now think that to perpetrate such a thing on a small child is the ugliest, vilest, cruelest crime a human being can commit. But I endured it. I even felt as if it enabled me to see one more particular aspect of human beings. I smiled in my weakness. If I had formed the habit of telling the truth I might perhaps have been able to confide unabashedly to my father or mother about the crime, but I could not fully understand even my own parents. To appeal for help to any human being - I could expect nothing from that expedient. Supposing I complained to my father or my mother, or to the police, the government - I wondered if in the end I would not be argued into silence by someone in good graces with the world, by the excuses of which the world approved.It is only too obvious that favoritism inevitably exists: it would have been useless to complain to human beings. So I said nothing of the truth. I felt I had no choice but to endure whatever came my way and go on playing the clown"
- No Longer Human
"I ceased being a child soon after entering grade school. It was then that my younger brother’s nurse taught me something that took my breath away. It was a beautiful summer day, and the grass by the vacant house out back had grown tall and dense. I must have been about seven, and my brother’s nurse could not have been more than thirteen or fourteen. My brother was three years younger than I, and the nurse shooed him off. She said, ‘Go get some leaf grass’ - that’s our word for clover back home. Then she added, ‘And make sure it’s got four leaves too.’ After he left, she put her arms around me and we started rolling around in the tall grass. Thereafter we would play our secret little game in the storehouse or in one of the closets."
- Memories
Both No Longer Human and Memories are semi-autobiographies, meaning they're somewhat based in truth
I can't speak from experience but SA has a big effect on the lives of the survivors
Some of thes effects include;
Sleeping or Eating disorders
Dazai canoniclly has issues sleeping and there are scenes that imply he has issues with and/or doesn't see the point in eating, at one point saying that it is "so much trouble"
Nightmares
There is a specific scene within one kf the light novels where Kunikida asks if Dazai has nightmares.
(Unfortunately I can't find the exact moment so I can't quote it so if anyone can find it please let me know)
Self-hatred
It might not be clearly stated that he hates himself but ay the same time its rather clear that he does
Suicidal thoughts or self-harm
He is a suicidal maniac
Riskier sexual behaviors such as having many partners
He canoniclly has had quite a lot of lovers
Substance abuse
The one scene we see of his apartment we see that there is more alcohol than furniture (it's also a popular hc that Dazai smokes which makes sense considering his past with the pm and that irl author smoked)
Another moment to mention was when he seduced the nurse (which technically counted as SA too but that's not the point of this)
I'm probably gonna end it here because it's late and I'm tired but anyone willing to add or correct anything please go ahead and I hoped you enjoyed my hc
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faintingheroine · 19 hours
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I think many fans don’t find Heathcliff capable of this level of petty jealousy and psychological torture because he sometimes seems to have an high-minded approach to Edgar’s relationship with Catherine and does not seem the jealous type:
“I wish you had sincerity enough to tell me whether Catherine would suffer greatly from his loss: the fear that she would restrains me. And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place, and I in his, though I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drunk his blood! But, till then—if you don’t believe me, you don’t know me—till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!’”
(Chapter 14)
I think he is probably being truthful in the above quote and he would not banish, beat or kill Edgar if his presence made Catherine happy, but that does not mean that he is not madly jealous, it just means that his regard for Catherine’s contentment can sometimes trump his violent jealousy.
And interestingly, Heathcliff seems less to equate what he does with Isabella to what Catherine does with Edgar, and more to equate his treatment of Isabella to Catherine’s treatment of himself :
“‘And as to you, Catherine, I have a mind to speak a few words now, while we are at it. I want you to be aware that I know you have treated me infernally—infernally! Do you hear? And if you flatter yourself that I don’t perceive it, you are a fool; and if you think I can be consoled by sweet words, you are an idiot: and if you fancy I’ll suffer unrevenged, I’ll convince you of the contrary, in a very little while! Meantime, thank you for telling me your sister-in-law’s secret: I swear I’ll make the most of it. And stand you aside!’
‘What new phase of his character is this?’ exclaimed Mrs. Linton, in amazement. ‘I’ve treated you infernally—and you’ll take your revenge! How will you take it, ungrateful brute? How have I treated you infernally?’
‘I seek no revenge on you,’ replied Heathcliff, less vehemently. ‘That’s not the plan. The tyrant grinds down his slaves and they don’t turn against him; they crush those beneath them. You are welcome to torture me to death for your amusement, only allow me to amuse myself a little in the same style, and refrain from insult as much as you are able. Having levelled my palace, don’t erect a hovel and complacently admire your own charity in giving me that for a home. If I imagined you really wished me to marry Isabel, I’d cut my throat!’”
(Chapter 11) (italics mine)
Anyway, I think many readers think Heathcliff not capable of the worst kinds of abuse. Personally I doubt that he has any ethical standards. If he refrains from sexual torture that’s because he does not enjoy that, not because he has any moral qualms.
@purple-amaranthe
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st-el-la-luna · 15 hours
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Call of the Valley {Call of Duty x Reader/Stardew Valley AU}
Prologue: Grey
➔ gn!reader ("you"/"your" pronouns used), thoughts of violence, mentions of death
no character introductions yet, just some world building. unedited
997 words
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Grey walls. Grey ceilings. Grey floors. Grey desks. 
Everywhere you look is grey. From the meticulously lined cubicles to the desks lacking any personalization. From the uncomfortable chairs to the equally as uncomfortably sticky floors. From the company provided coffee mug to the company provided calendar. From your coworker's outfit (you swear that sweater used to be blue) to the contents of your lunch. 
It’s all grey. 
You sigh as you push around the mushy overcooked rice on your desk before you. In the silence of the office, you might as well have fired a gun, the sound a stark contrast to the usual deadness. The only sounds typical of this purgatory you call work are the tap-tap-tapping of keys and the clicking of mouses. Plus, the occasional beep of the microwave, or slam of the fridge door (you swear that fridge has been here longer than any employee. The way the lightbulb buzzes when you open the door sounds like a cry for help. A plea for you to end its decades-long misery. You, of course, don’t. If you must suffer, then so too must the fridge). 
Someone clears their throat from the entry of your cubicle. You turn away from your sad little lunch to find your sad little supervisor. Who, surprise, surprise, is dressed in, you guessed it, even more grey. 
“Something the matter?” she asks you with a smile that makes you want to use your cheap plastic fork to carve out her eyes. “I could have sworn I heard something.” 
“Yeah, sorry,” you try for a smile in return, not sure why you bother considering you hate her guts as much as she hates yours. “I’m just... tired.” 
“Well, tired or not, you know better than to bring that kind of attitude to the workplace. Big smiles, remember? The atmosphere matters you know!” 
“Right, yeah,” you nod, barely able to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Big smiles.” 
“Come on, let’s see it,” your supervisor says, tapping the sign on your cubicle wall *Smile, you’re with Joja!* You put on a smile which she returns with a patronizing scrunch of her nose, talking to you like one would an unruly child. “There, that wasn’t that hard now, was it?” 
It wouldn’t be too hard to use my stapler to knock your teeth in, you bitch. It’d only take a couple of hits... All the red would really brighten this place up... Ever heard of colour theory? 
“Yeah,” you smile. “Not that hard.” 
Your computer beeps. Your lunch break is over. You haven’t touched your food. 
Your supervisor's smile widens. The brown-nosing corporate shill that she is. “Well, you’d better get back to it... And try to do better this afternoon. Your numbers have been trailing all morning. I’d hate to have to write you up.” 
“Yeah,” you say as you drop your food into the rubbish. “I’m sure.” 
Your computer goes off again, demanding your attention. Your supervisor stands there for a moment longer than she needs to, as if checking that you’re really going to work, then hums, pleased, and walks away. 
It’s going to be a long day...  
But hey, look on the bright side, you won’t be doing this forever. 
One day you’ll die. 
Die... The thought echoes in your head for a bit. Die... Die... 
Your gaze falls to the drawer of your desk where the letter from your late great-uncle sits, waiting to be opened. You didn’t know the guy much, the family didn’t really talk about him, and he never came to any gatherings. But he had no kids and, well... No one really. He’d been thrilled when you had expressed interest in enlisting in your early teens. He taught you all the tricks of the trade and then some. 
He was less thrilled when you told him you’d changed your mind. 
It really wasn’t that shocking news. He’d kept talking on and on about pulling some strings, using his connections, but it’s just... not what you wanted anymore. You weren’t a kid anymore and well, you had to be realistic. 
Besides, they didn’t want you to enlist. You’d tried and well... While you passed the physical tests fine and were more than smart enough to work in intelligence or as a bomb tech, your psychological tests were... Less than stellar. Which was difficult to explain to a man who, despite having watched countless of his friends die and witness atrocities you could never fathom, thought that mental illness was a sham created by the youth to get out of doing real work. 
It’s not like you’d caused his heart attack. He was already sick. And all the smoking and drinking from his days on active duty surely didn’t help. He got himself too worked up over something small, and well... His heart just couldn’t take any more of it. 
Speaking of being unable to take anymore... you can hear your supervisor coming back around. You look between your monitor and the desk drawer. Monitor. Drawer. Monitor. Drawer. Monitor. Drawer. Monitor... 
“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to write you up. Just know this isn’t-” 
“I quit.” 
And, just like that, you grab your few personal belongings and shove past her to the door, manilla envelope clutched in your hand.  
She sputters something behind you, makes a move to grab your wrist. You dodge. 
“You can’t be serious,” she says. “You... You can’t quit now! It’s the busiest time of the year!” 
“I just did... Oh, and Stacy?” 
“Yes?” she asks, almost hopeful. 
“You’re a right bitch. Just wanted to let you know.” 
Her entire face goes red as her cheeks puff out. “You... I... Wh...” 
You leave her there to her aneurysm, walking into the elevator and letting the doors close behind you. 
You lean your head back against the grey wall, resting your weight against the railing. You glance at the envelope in your hand. 
God... Please don’t let this be a mistake.  
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please comment and reblog to support my writing! asks are always open! Literally nothing inspires me to write more!
who should we meet first and how?
taglist: @tooloudarts @cadotoast
Masterlist!
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