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quill-pen · 1 year

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Just so Punny

18+ MINORS DNI

Summary: So... Bess likes puns. Ebenezer? Not so much.

Warnings: Groping, dry humping, making out, genitals mentioned, idiots in love, declarations of love, and PUNS--or more so one specific pun

A/N: This is definitely canon. I imagine it takes place during the first summer after they realized their love for each other.

@rom-e-o, this is all your fault. (Though, I'm not a lick sorry.😝)

"You fiendish, maddening woman. Have you any inkling of what you do to me--what you put me through?"

Ebenezer and Bess were in a tangle against the table of the laundry room, arms around each other, hands roving and groping, lips and mouths and tongues dancing and leaving hot, wet trails and marks along flesh. The gentleman had broken his work early, thoughts so full of his young, raven-haired Yankee bride, he was quite unable to think about ledgers and numbers any longer, making him essentially useless to the cause. With a vague excuse and hasty apology, he had rushed out the door of his counting-house, leaving the closing of the day to his business partner and young apprentice; a decision for which he was admittedly a bit regretful. But only just a bit. Because she was absolutely worth fudging his duties a little.

Bess made a breathy giggle as her husband's mouth located and attached itself to a sensitive spot below her jaw, starting to suckle. Trying to ground herself, she braced one hand against the table as the other curled around and groped the man's tight little ass, pulling him closer. Ebenezer had immediately searched her out the second he arrived home, ultimately discovering her here, helping their maids fold the linens. The second his eyes had landed on her--hungry, wanting, already so dark she almost couldn't see their captivating slate-blue tone--the young woman's heart had immediately begun to race in exhilaration. She knew what he was after, as she was after the same but in reverse. The maids had been asked to leave and the door had quickly been shut and barred behind them. Now here they were: an already heaving, sweating, partially disrobed mess amongst the clean laundry. (Some of it would absolutely have to be washed again--Bess would be sure she gave the launderer a hefty tip for the trouble.)

"I-I'm not sure I do... as it happens," the American gasped, working hard to find and utilize the ability to talk. She moaned and her eyes fluttered shut as Ebenezer's mouth trailed down her neck to bite at the point where it joined her shoulder. God above, he was amazing with that mouth, and it wasn't even where she really wanted it yet! "Perhaps-ah... perhaps you'd care to-ooh!... enlighten me?" She couldn't stop the devilish smirk that curled her flushed, kiss-swollen lips.

The Englishman growled against her, sending a tingle straight through the woman and down to her core, making it ache with need. "You wicked female," he rasped darkly, still trailing kisses along her collarbone. "I believe you know exactly what you do to me." Without warning, he slipped his hands from her fit waist down to her thick thighs and grabbed them to rather unceremoniously hoist her up onto the folding table.

Bess shrieked in surprise, accidentally bumping into a few stacks of clean towels, sending them to the stone floor. Then she laughed as Ebenezer pulled her back to the very edge of the table and wrapped her back up in his arms. Uninhibited by skirts as she was already stripped down to her chemise, the woman parted her thighs wide around the gentleman and coiled her legs around his waist, locking her bare feet at the ankles against the small of his back, her heels nudging him closer. She made a shuddering gasp and bit her lip as she felt his solid length pressed against her. Even through his trousers and her drawers, she could feel the heat, and it made her instinctively shift against him in search of friction.

"Oh, you believe so, do you?" Bess asked after his previous statement, voice sultry and playful as she met his dark, unwavering gaze. She threaded his cravat through coy fingers, deftly untying it and slipping it away from his neck to finally let the man's already unbuttoned shirt fall open completely. Bess' eyes slipped down to catch a peek and her mouth watered. Oh, that's lovely.... "And, uh..." she looked back up, "... just what makes you say that, Mr. Scrooge?" To counteract her feigned ignorance, the woman wrapped the silky tie about her neck and loosely knotted it in place. A shiver went through her and her breath caught in her throat as she watched her husband's eyes black out and his nostrils flair with harsh breath at the action. She could feel the man trembling between her thighs, restraining himself from taking her and rutting into her like an animal in heat. Why he held back, she didn't know; to be claimed was exactly what she wanted.

Without thinking, Ebenezer slipped a hand up and hooked his fingers beneath the loosely knotted tie. With a gentle jerk, he drew his wife's face to his, making her squeak and grip the table's edge. "You are an absolutely intractable little minx, Mrs. Scrooge," he rumbled, his nose nudging hers as he gazed into her lusty blue eyes. A fiendish smile pulled at his mouth.

Bess matched it. "Am I now?" she purred. "Do tell."

Ebenezer tugged the cravat again, drawing her closer still, his lips just ghosting over hers. "As if you didn't know what you were doing when I came home for lunch, traipsing about the premises in your hiked skirts, bare legs and feet on full display the moment I walked in the door." His voice was rugged, husky, full of subdued feralness.

Bess' blush deepened as she played dumb. "I haven't the faintest idea what you mean, Good Sir--it was a warm day and I was merely attempting to stay cool."

"Then you just so happen to mention how you bought a new pair of stockings this morning as you send me back out the door for work."

"Well, forgive me for wanting to keep you informed on any and all purchases I might make. I assumed you would want to know when and how your hard-earned money is being spent; I was only thinking of your balance book."

"Not to mention you're brazen enough to have your sleeves rolled back and your blouse already unbuttoned when I find you in here."

"Only a couple. Again, I point to the heat of the day. And you would be surprised to learn how much of a sweat a person can work up folding laundry, Ebenezer."

"All little enticements to bait me into your trap-"

"I assure you I'm not trying to entice or bait anyone."

"-to fill my head with thoughts of you until I can think of nothing else-'

"Now that's just a lack of discipline on your part."

"-making it impossible for me to play my part as a functional member of society-"

"Again, lack of willpower and discipline, I'm afraid."

"-so that I'm forced to come running back to you in search of relief."

"Baseless accusations."

Chuckling darkly, Ebenezer finally pressed his lips to Bess' smiling mouth in yet another passionate kiss, his tongue surging forth to meet hers. He let the tie go and smoothed his hand over her shoulder and down her chest, stopping to cup a breast and gently massage it. Bess moaned into his mouth and arched into his touch: He could feel her nipple already peaked through the thin material of her shift and gently tweaked it, earning a needy whine in return. The Englishman continued to slowly trail his hand down his lover's body, reveling in the sensation of the soft fabric and the curves beneath it against his palm and fingers. Coming to grip her thigh, Ebenezer brought his other hand around to mirror its twin's action and pulled his wife even closer still, so she was almost hanging off the table. He pressed her thighs farther apart, causing Bess to hiss at the delicious sting of being spread so wide. Then the man began rocking his hips, grinding his clothed core against hers. He groaned into the kiss; she echoed him. It was slow, sensual, pleasurably frustrating--magnificent.

Ebenezer broke away from Bess' lips and began to suck down her neck again. Bess keened and made a breathy moan of his name, bringing her hands up, one to thread into his disheveled locks, the other to clutch and claw at his shoulder. The man rewarded her for the enticing action with a nip to her collarbone and a hot tongue to soothe it after. "My Sweetness," he murmured into her flesh as he pressed kisses along her heaving chest. "My beautiful, gorgeous Sweetness. You fill my every waking thought; when I sleep I dream only of you."

Bess felt her heart flutter with love for the man. "Oh, Ebenenzer..."

"I see your face everywhere I look. I hear your voice in every sound that reaches my ears." The man trailed his soft lips up the woman's throat again until they graced against the tattered shell of her left ear. "You are my sun, moon, and stars," he whispered, as Bess nuzzled her cheek against his. "My entire world." His hands slipped from her thighs around her back again and twined around her, bringing her close in an embrace yet again even as he continued to roll his hips against hers. "You are my sustenance, Bess--my very breath--my life. You are my life's purpose--the very reason I was put on this earth. You complete me; without you, I am lost." Groaning pleasurably, the man buried his face in his gasping wife's hair, breathing her in as she held him closer. "I love you, my darling," he murmured. "I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone. I love you so much, my heart aches to be parted from you even for a second. I only ever want you. I need you. I crave you. You drive me positively mad with your mere existence."

Despite how her head was swimming with lust and how her heart was completely awash with adoration, due to Bess' fine-tuned wit, a clever little quip flitted through her mind in response to her husband's declarations. "So..." she panted, her voice airy with bliss, "... o-one... one might say... y-your... ob-Bessed with me?" The corners of her mouth turned up in a cheeky grin. She couldn't help but quietly titter at her own pun.

Almost immediately, Ebenezer ceased all movement. For a minute he remained frozen around her, then he pulled away and backed up. He met his wife's gaze with an unamused look, his eyes no longer filled with desire but exasperation. He shook his head, thick eyebrows knitting together. "That," he grumbled, "was horrid." And with that he pulled out of her grip and walked away, redoing his buttons and tucking his shirt back in.

Bess glared in indignation, highly offended by his statement. "It was not!" she huffed. "Ob-Bessed? "Obsessed" but because it's specifically about me it's "ob-Bessed"? Come on--that's clever! That's a good pun!"

Ebenezer sent the woman an unimpressed scowl as he slipped his suspenders back on and grabbed up his waistcoat. "There is no such thing as a "good pun", Elizabeth. And even if there were, that wouldn't be one of them." With that, he unbarred the door and left the laundry room.

Still perched on the table, Bess watched after him in disbelief. "Oh, come on, Wolf! At least it was funnier than that "EbeSneezer" one I made the other day! Ya gotta at least give me that!"

His voice echoed back to her: "You are maddening in every possible way, Wife!"

Bess crossed her arms over her chest and hmphed indignantly, shooting daggers at Ebenezer's back as he disappeared down the corridor. "There are, too, good puns," she muttered to herself. "And that was, too, one of them!"

All at once Prudence came clicking through the door from around the corner. She stopped just inside the door and looked up with big, soft brown eyes at the half-naked woman still seated among the laundry. Cocking her head curiously, she whined, her tail wagging slightly.

"What do you think, Prudie?" Bess asked the mastiff. "Ob-Bessed: good pun or no?"

Prudence's face scrunched up into something like a scowl and she sneezed. Then she turned and trotted out of the room.

"Yeah? Well, you're a dog--what do you know about comedy, anyway?"

Taglist: @oldmanlusting @themostanonymousscribbler @the-house-of-auditore-frye (if anyone else would like to be added, let me know in the comments)

#scrooge #ebenezer scrooge #scrooge 2022 #scrooge a christmas carol #netflix scrooge #scrooge x oc #ebenezer x bess #puns are punny #they are so CUTE #they are also so frickin' HOT #but not even their heat can overcome ebenezer's absolute hatred for puns #especially bad ones #'IT'S A GREAT PUN!' - Bess Scrooge #'No such thing!' - Ebenezer Scrooge #*agreeing wuffs* - Prudence #ebeness

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