#so harsh to myself right? ironic saying that right now while i know there's something so dear to me i'm denying right now

[sterlingsilver-starlight]

Talk Too Much 💘

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Female Reader

Genres: Hurt/comfort, angst, drama, fluff, romance

Content Warnings: flashbacks of emotional abuse (reader has emotionally abusive mother), self-harm (briefly graphic), implied suicidal thoughts, brief strong language (mild throughout), intimate moments (very steamy makeout session, but nothing further)

Word Count: 3195 words

Summary: When Reader excuses herself to the bathroom, Seonghwa begins to grow suspicious as minutes turn into an unusually long absence. Can he unravel the truth behind her melancholy, and perhaps something deeper?

Inspirations: During the sadder parts, “Kamihitoe” by Uru and this slowed/reverbed version of Lolo Zouaï’s “Desert Rose” were my comfort. And then for the cute parts, BLACKSWAN’s “Cat & Mouse” :)

(I love the title GIF for this 🤭 but I also am still recovering from the Arriba one…I swear, I will not be the same when the full song drops in a week 😩🥵) I had something like an epiphany while writing this…the comforting words resonate on many levels, and I had to remind myself that people like that do exist out there. Even if there is someone in your life who throws harsh words or vibes your way, that’s not to say someone who does the exact opposite might not cross paths with you, too ✨🫶🏼

Also please note: This is in no way supposed to represent or depict the actual Park Seonghwa; this is just created for storytelling/entertainment purposes only :D

A hard swallow, followed by the relentless jab of another burgeoning stomachache. You set your fork down again, barely scraping the potatoes at the edge of your plate. 

“Hwa, I…I don’t feel too good. I can’t eat this right now.”

He gave you a sympathetic smile as you got up from your seat. “It’s alright. Just…let me know if you need something. Okay?”

You offered a small smile, biting your lip. “Y-yeah. Okay.”

The bite dug deep enough to draw blood, but you tasted nothing like iron on your tongue. It was a flavor you had become all too accustomed to, one too bittersweet to fully enjoy or shy away from.

As soon as you were out of your friend’s line of sight, you bolted down the hall for the bathroom, only slowing down once you’d gone inside and shut the door. 

A click at the knob. A snap of the fingers, idiosyncratically, to distract yourself from the sudden echo the lock gave. Did he hear that?

You hoped to God not. 

Seonghwa was your most trusted confidant, but even the strongest of bonds could harbor skeletons in the closet, so as far as you were concerned, it would need to stay that way until you were able to get over this on your own.

Slumping against the door, you let yourself slide down to the ground, hugging your knees as they bunched up against your chest. 

You didn’t know what you would ever do if he found out. About the thoughts, about the self-hatred…

Heck, let alone the self-harm.

Seonghwa was the twinkling star in your life, lighting up any room he entered, constantly finding ways to make you crack a smile from absolutely nothing. He was too precious for this world, you were sure of it.

Which is why, on this otherwise fine and calm evening, you found yourself yet again questioning why in the hell he put up with you as much as he did.

What if you were just fooling yourself? What if this persona you felt from your very core was nothing more than an act, masquerading from the demon that had hidden inside you from years long past?

A silent cry threatened to surface. You took a sharp breath and reached in your pocket, fumbling around until you felt what you had been looking for: a rusted metal nail file.

The lump in your throat made you feel guiltier. It’d been mere days since you’d promised yourself that this wasn’t going to be an option…

Again.

But though time could heal wounds, it could only erase so many still embedded within your subconscious, still playing like a broken record during your moments of uncertainty and vulnerability.

“Do you ever shut up?! I swear, one more word and I’ll rip your tongue off!”

You bit your lip harder, genuinely wanting to taste the pain. What did it matter anymore?

“Sure, keep doing that shit. So we can all feel sorry for you and tiptoe around your stupid feelings? I don’t think so!”

You gasped with every memory, tears blinding and blurring your bearings, the file now slashing oh-so elegantly through your flesh like a knife through butter. 

“Slam your door again and I’ll make sure your head is the next thing that slams against the wall!”

You almost didn’t notice the crimson streaming down your arm, or the way it cascaded onto your other hand, dyeing the creases of your palm in a heartbeat, while numbness continued feeding your indifference.

Maybe there is no purpose to my life. Maybe I’m just meant to be a casualty and —

“Y/n?” You jolted, the three knocks on the door vibrating through your skull.

But you said nothing, afraid even a single syllable would give away your current state of mind.

“Y/n?” Seonghwa repeated, the worry carrying in his voice.

Panic kicked in and you started hyperventilating. Much to your chagrin, however, that only alerted him more.

“Okay, I-I’m coming in.” You heard the twists and click of the knob — darn it, I forgot he has keys for the place — and hastily shuffled over to the adjacent wall as he squeezed his way into the bathroom. 

A sharp gasp hushed within the small room. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the scene before him: the rusted nail file still in your hand, the blood-stained arm, the haunted look on your face — it broke your heart, to have him see you like this.

What you didn’t realize, though, was just how much his heart was breaking.

“Hwa, I…I’m sorry.” You hugged yourself tighter, wanting nothing more than to be a turtle hidden inside its shell. 

“Y/n…what happened?” His voice was laced with worry as he carefully approached you.

You tried to conceal the evidence, quickly slipping the file back into your pocket and attempting to wipe away the blood with the hem of your sleeve. But the damage had already been done. “I…I just had a little accident, is all. N-no big deal,” you stammered, furrowing your eyebrows as you looked away. 

He crouched down in front of you, gently lifting your chin to meet his eyes. “Y/n, don’t lie to me. What’s going on?”

A lump formed in your throat, and for a moment, you debated whether to spill your darkest secrets or to continue this facade. But when you saw the hurt in his eyes, you knew what your answer must be.

“I…I’ve been struggling, Hwa. There’s this darkness inside of me that just won’t go away,” you whispered finally, trying not to cry mid-sentence.

His expression softened, and he pulled you into an embrace. “You don’t have to face it alone, Y/n. I’m right here for you, always.”

The warmth of his hug felt like a lifeline, a tether grounding you in this moment of many that felt overwhelmingly chaotic. Tears streamed down your face as you clung to him tightly, slowly but surely releasing the weight that you had been carrying alone for far too long.

Seonghwa pulled away slowly, his hands holding yours gently. “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? And then we can talk about this, together.”

You nodded, rubbing your thumbs against his in return. “Okay.”

He helped you to a standing position, and from there you both walked over to the medicine cabinet: you leaning slightly on the sink countertop, him removing a roll of gauze, bandages, and a few creams. Grabbing a nearby cloth to run it under warm water, you inhaled nervously. As he began tending to the wounds on your arm, still streaked in raw red, you hesitated, grappling with the storm of emotions brewing deep down. The bathroom felt like a fragile sanctuary, and you were on the verge of shattering its peace with the weight of your confessions.

“Hwa,” you began hesitantly, “I’ve…heard things. About myself. Terrible things that echo in my mind every day.”

He looked up at you, eyes brimming with a warm understanding. “It’s okay. Tell me as much or as little as you need to.”

With a shaky breath, you started to unravel the web of painful words that had been haunting you, from the cruel insults and relentless belittlement at home to the internalized hatred that had since taken root in your heart.

“I’m a failure. That’s what she says. My own blood mother.” You shuddered. “That I’m a disappointment, a burden…that her life would have been better if not for the presence of such an ungrateful bitch like me…t-that I ruin everything around me.” Your voice wavered as you stopped to catch a breath.

Seonghwa’s expression tightened with anger. “Y/n, believe me when I say you are none, and I mean absolutely none, of those things. You are strong, kind, and worthy of love. Don’t believe those lies. Please.”

You just shook your head. “I can’t accept your kind pity, though, Hwa.” Tears welled and clouded your vision as you continued. “She said I should be grateful that anyone tolerates me at all, that I’m lucky to have friends because I don’t deserve them…that I’m not good enough for anyone out there.”

His eyes softened with empathy. “Y/n, you’re more than good enough. You’re fucking incredible, and I…I care about you deeply.”

Your eyes widened at his choice of words, confusion and hope written all over your face. “Why, Hwa? Why would you care about someone like me?”

He sighed, setting aside the cloth, and cupped your face with his hands. “Because you’re not just someone, Y/n. You’re a remarkable person. Your strength, your kindness — it shines through even in your darkest moments. And…” He chuckled slightly. “I like you. More than just as a friend.”

A gasp caught in your throat, and time became still within the room as his confession hung in the air. Seonghwa’s eyes searched yours for a response, but you remained silent, the weight of his words sinking in. 

A spark of worry flickered across his face. “I-I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said —”

You placed a gentle hand on his cheek. “No, Hwa. I’m honestly really glad you did. I just…I need a moment to process everything. It’s a lot, but I really appreciate your courage to tell me that.”

His shoulders relaxed, a relieved smile breaking through. “I understand. Take all the time you need.”

He resumed cleaning your cuts, all the while as you couldn’t shake the startling but exciting realization that maybe, just maybe, someone as wonderful as Hwa could see past these insecurities, could see you for you.

An almost eerie silence hung between you two, broken only by the sound of running water as you rinsed off spots of leftover blood. Hwa glanced at you, debating whether or not to break the ice.

“To be honest,” you admitted in a voice barely above a whisper, “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt good enough for someone like you.”

He scoffed lightly, covering your hand with his. “Y/n, you’re more than enough. You’re perfect just the way you are.” 

His words lingered in the air, a poignant moment of vulnerability shared in the dimly lit bathroom.

And then something shifted.

With a playful smirk, you couldn’t help but bring up your insecurities, caught in a suddenly desperate vying to test the waters and see how he would take it. “Come on, don’t be silly, Hwa. I mean, look at me!” You raised an eyebrow at him, the hint of a smile teasing at your lips.

He took the bait. “Okay, and? What about it?”

Now it was your turn to scoff. “You gotta be kidding. I mean, for starters, I’m not even skinny, my face is rounder than the boba in that milk tea you were swirling around the other day” — he broke into a fit of laughter at this, prompting you to punch him gently on the arm (“Hwa, I’m being serious!”) before resuming your, he thought, rather dramatic speech — “and my body is far from what’s considered attractive these days.” You sighed, clenching and unclenching your fists before inspecting yourself through the bathroom mirror. “Especially with these…” You gestured vaguely to your rounded backside and thick thighs.

Hwa’s low, throaty chuckle reverberated in the bathroom, his eyes never leaving yours. “Y/n, you really think any of that matters to me?” He shook his head, his gaze intense. “You’re focusing on things that turn me on more than you could possibly know.”

To say you were surprised — curious, even — was an understatement. “W-what do you mean?” you dared to ask.

He leaned in, his lips dangerously close to your ear. “Your curves, the roundness of your face, that body you seem to underestimate so much — they’re all things I fantasize about more when I’m around you.” His words sent a thrill down your spine, and you felt a warmth pooling in the pit of your stomach.

“But why?” you managed to stutter out, genuinely baffled.

Hwa pulled back slightly, his eyes scanning you up and down. “Because, Y/n, it’s those very things that make you uniquely you. There’s…an allure throughout, if I’m being honest…and your body is nothing short of perfection in my eyes.”

He paused, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “And let me tell you,” he continued, snaking his fingers across one of your thighs, massaging it with his thumb, “these parts of you aren’t just attractive. They’re downright irresistible.”

Your breath caught in your throat, desire rushing through your veins as he leaned in again, his fingers tracing patterns that left your skin tingling. “I think about you in ways that would make you blush,” he admitted, his voice a low murmur. “You’re beautiful, Y/n. In every way imaginable.”

With that, he closed the distance between your lips, initiating a kiss that held the weight of his confession. The bathroom seemed to vanish into the distance as Hwa’s lips kept meeting yours in a slow, tantalizing dance, each kiss a revelation of shared desire. His hands, warm and possessive, explored the curves of your body with a deliberate sensuality. Fingers traced the contours of your back, leaving a trail of trickling sensations in their wake. As the kiss deepened, his touch became more fervent, a silent promise of passion yet to unfold.

Your hands found their way into his soft, tousled hair, fingers threading through the strands as you pulled him closer. His tongue prodded your bottom lip playfully until you indulged him, allowing the sensation of his tongue to slide against and around yours, igniting a fervor that sent electrical currents through every nerve ending.

The room seemed to get hotter and hotter, but nothing could have curbed the chill in your spine by this point. Hwa’s touch was both gentle and confident, a melody of desire that crescendoed as his kisses lingered longer and he began sucking your tongue slowly, making you moan ever so softly into his mouth.

Your own hands mirrored his movements, traveling across the edges and ridges of his chest, feeling the rhythmic beat of his heart beneath your touch. The bathroom echoed with intertwined breaths and whispered promises.

As the intensity built, you couldn’t help but straddle his lap, your bodies pressing together with an urgency that mirrored the passion between you. Hwa’s lips trailed from your mouth to your neck, leaving a trail of heated kisses. Moans continued escaping your lips as you felt his teeth grazing gently down the side of your neck. You clung to him, lost in the intoxication of the moment.

Your heartbeats all but synchronized as his lips found their way to your collarbone, his whispers of passion mingling with your soft gasps. He pulled back slightly, eyes looking deep into yours.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice a velvet caress that sent shivers down your spine. He leaned in to place gentle kisses on your earlobe, his breath sending a flutter of anticipation through you. “I want you to feel cherished, desired, and free from any doubt about your body,” he whispered finally, his tone laced with sensual liberation.

His hands, like flames against your skin, caressed the small of your back. The room was filled with the harmony of your shared desire, moans and breaths alike embellishing the melody sounding strong.

As sweat dripped down your foreheads, the intensity reached its peak, and with a shared understanding, you both began to ease out of the fervent exchange. Hwa’s lips lingered on yours for a moment, a final note in the passionate composition.

His arms wrapped around you, nestling you within the sweet scent of his aroma, heaving heavily, slowly, as you both took a moment to catch your breath. You could spot the glimpse of a tender smile dancing on his lips. “See, Y/n, you talk too much,” he teased, his eyes alight with affection.

You chuckled finally, feeling a warmth enveloping you. “Maybe I do,” you agreed, “but I think I like it that way.”

Hwa’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he smirked at you playfully. “Well, you better, because I enjoy every word,” he smiled, leaning in to peck you briefly on the lips.

As you both settled into a cuddle, an air of contentment permeated within your space. Hwa’s fingers traced soothing patterns on your back as he spoke. “You know…I think we should have a date tomorrow. I want to take you out. Just the two of us.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the idea. “A date, huh? Where are we going?”

Hwa’s playful grin widened. “Somewhere nice, but you better promise me you won’t just order a small appetizer. I want you to enjoy the food, Y/n.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Alright, alright. No small appetizers. Got it. But you’ll have to deal with me talking your ear off about how delicious everything is.”

Hwa leaned in, stealing another quick kiss. “I can’t wait. And besides, I enjoy every word, remember?”

The banter continued as you both playfully argued about your plans. Hwa grinned mischievously, glad that you were cutting loose for a change and genuinely enjoying yourself now. “And promise me, no salads as the main course. We’re going for the good stuff if this is a date.”

You raised an eyebrow, feigning offense. “Excuse me? Salads are healthy and delicious.”

He chuckled. “Healthy? Yes. Delicious? Debatable. We’re going for flavor explosions, Y/n, not the world’s best landscape on a plate.”

You countered with a smirk. “Okay, first of all, tabbouleh is to die for. And maybe I like my explosions with a side of greens.”

Hwa pretended to gasp, placing a hand over his heart dramatically. “You’re breaking my heart. And here I thought we had a connection.”

You burst into laughter, eyes watering within seconds. “Oh, we have a connection, alright, but my connection with tasty salads might just outdo it this time.”

He pouted. “Fine, have it your way. But if that’s how it’s gonna be, I’m ordering the biggest, heartiest dish on the menu just to torture you.”

You grinned. “Challenge dutifully accepted. I’ll enjoy my dish while you tackle your food mountain. We’ll see who’s satisfied in the end.”

Hwa leaned in, whispering. “Well, just so you know, if you end up trying a bite of mine, you might never go back to salads again.”

You smirked at him. “We’ll see about that. You can’t deprive me of my greens forever, you know.” You pretended to think hard for a moment. “I know, I’ll revolt! I’ll revolt and you won’t know what’s coming to —”

He pressed his lips against yours in a sudden, actually sweet kiss. When he finally pulled back, he was grinning slyly from ear to ear.

“You were saying?” he teased.

You snorted. “Well, I was going to say that no matter how tempting your ‘food mountain’ may be, my love for salads will endure. Just like my love for you, even if you try to sabotage it with impeccably irresistible dishes.”

He tried and failed to suppress another laugh. “You talk too much.” You grinned in satisfaction.

“Maybe I do, but you love it.”

#ateez #에이티즈 #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez x you #park seonghwa #박성화 #성화 #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa x you #seonghwa x y/n #ateez fluff #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending #angst with a hopeful ending #ateez imagines #seonghwa fluff #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #romance #deep feelings #hopeful romantic #reader insert #ateez comfort #ateez fic #ateez scenarios #atiny

[blixssily]

"your heart was glass, i dropped it."

| you promised him that you'd be careful and that you wouldn't get hurt. ironically, you end up sacrificing yourself to protect him.

| jing yuan x reader

˓ ꒱ notes and disclaimers: reader is g/n, established relationship, reader doesn't die, might be ooc. let me know if i've missed anything!!

˓ ꒱ authors notes: this was a request from @waaav !! i'm extremely grateful to be able to write this. i hope you like it!

"pleaseeee let me come along with you! i can protect myself, you've seen it before!" you whined, pleading to your boyfriend on accompanying him to his new mission. "i know you can, but this mission is extremely dangerous. i don't want to see you get hurt." he gives you a slight frown. "jing, i will literally keep begging you until you say yes." you sighed as you lean on his desk. "pleaseeee?" you try your luck at using your puppy eyes on him, sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.

this time, they do. "fine fine fine, just please be careful. stop giving me those eyes" he chuckles a little, ruffling your hair a little.

dark clouds gathered at the scene, obstructing your view. "you think it might rain?" you ask, looking around you even though you knew you couldn't see even 5 meters ahead of you. fog was starting to pick up too, making it even harder to navigate around. "let's hope not. you can hold my hand if you get scared though." he teases as you let out a scoff.

you hope he doesn't notice but his light hearted behaviour made you feel calm, like no matter how bad things would get, everything would somehow work out.

he notices your trailing behind a little, he turns back and takes a hold of your hand. "come on, let's go." he flashes you a smile. "we should be near, keep on the look out." he says as his grip on his weapon tightens, ready for any sneak attacks. "got it, general." he rolls his eyes at this, slowly letting go of your wrist so you can draw out your own weapon.

the clouds seem to get darker..

it was cold. unbearably cold.

was it the rain rain?

it was raining.

harsh droplets of rain splashed against jing yuan’s frame, dripping onto the once warm clothes he chose in the morning.

his heart sinks even deeper with every shallow breath you take, at some point he thinks he’s hit rock bottom.

it sinks even deeper.

he’s a general, how could he have miscalculated the situation this badly? his arms around your frail body tightens. he shouldve known, he shouldve done something. he shouldve prevented this, shouldve protected you.

the raindrops feel like minuscule daggers, piercing his skin. guilt overwhelming all of his senses, unable to hear or see anything but you.

his hearing deafening on everything but your hushed breaths. vision blurring on even the ground beneath him, but not you.

not you.

he's only able to comprehend the way your crimson blood is staining his hands, his hands are shaking.

his mind is rushing, replaying the horrid memory in his mind. he prays the sickening melody of your cries could be erased from his and your memory. he can't even fathom how much pain you were in right now.

although he knew no god would listen, he prays, he begs, he pleads.

he could barely register the healers rushing to your side, soldiers surrounding the area, checking for any danger lurking nearby. he almost doesn't let the healers take you away, rushing urgently to get you to somewhere safer while trying to not lose anymore of your blood.

he prays once more, ‘please be okay.”

you’re resting in a hospital bed, plush white sheets covering the numerous wraps of bandages around your body. your lover, sat in a wooden chair beside your bed. silver hair spilled off of his shoulders, messier than ever. his eyes are dry, tear stains evident on his cheeks as he plays with his fingers, scratching and peeling at the skin due to anxiety.

the doctors had left him alone with you after checking your vitals, assuring him you’d make a slow but steady recovery. he sighs once more, thinking about how much he’ll miss your good morning kisses, nagging him that he’s going to be late if he intends on continuing to cuddle you.

he cant look you in the face, even when you’re unconscious. his mind flashing to the exact moment you shoved him out the way to protect him.

his knuckles turn white as he continues to clench his fists, vision blurring once more. the inability to see clearly almost becomes familiar now. he'd hold your hand, grazing over your delicate skin. he assures himself this simple gesture is because he wants to give you even the smallest amount of comfort if it meant you would come back to him quicker.

maybe it was to stop his own hand from shaking.

"jing yuan..?" you manage to mutter out. his head almost snaps at our fast he looks up at you, his eyes glossing over once again. his hands interlocking with yours. "you're back." he sighs, a relieved smile made its way to his lips. your eyes scanned his figure, god he looks horrible.

"how lo—"

"please don't ever leave me alone like that again." his voices cracks, cutting you off. "please, please promise me you'll never do something like that ever again." he pleads, holding your hand tightly as if he could lose you at any second. he feels your cold fingers slowly stroking his hand, trying your best to comfort the man in front of you. "how have you been?" you said, trying your luck at calming him down by thinking of something else. "horrible." he laughs, you're glad it made him smile a little. he releases your hands, leaning further on the hospital bed.

"its been really lonely without you. i've missed your constant nagging, i've missed your morning kisses, i've missed your smile." he manages, he voice starting to break as tears start welling up in his eyes. you sit up from the hospital bed, no matter how much it hurts you to, you try your best not to wince. jing yuan feels your cold hands around his neck, your neck nuzzling into his neck at the same time. "i've missed you too." you whisper, letting a tear slide down your pale cheek. his arms cautiously wrap around your frame, extremely careful not to hurt you. he rests his head completely against yours, he feels as though he can finally relax once more.

his hand catches the tears starting to fall on his face as he unwillingly pulled away. "the doctors said you have to stay here for a few weeks, or until the wound is finally healed up." you don't miss the pout that's made it's way to his lips. "i'll be fine, i promise." your hand caressed his cheek, causing the corners of his lips to turn into a smile. "thank you for protecting me back there, but please don't do that ever again. i mean it." he peers into your eyes, you think if he stares at you for long enough he could see into your soul.

"i love you, i couldn't bear seeing you leave me."

"i love you too jing. just keep a look out next time." you wink at him, reciting his previous words. keep a look out.

he scoffs, "yea yea. get some rest now." he places a kiss on your lips before sitting back down. "i'll be here when you wake up. i promise."

notes and reblogs are heavily appreciated !!

(sorry for this trash fic i suck at angst and i'm not too familiar with jing yuan ;( )

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan x reader #hsr jing yuan x reader #jing yuan

[lidiasloca]

the joker and the queen (jurdan fic)

Post QON

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

“I might have the king.” Jude smirks to herself while she raises the bet.

I stare at my hand, a pretty poor one, but I could do something if the king of hearts came out now on the River.

Unfortunately, said card is the one she’s most likely holding right now, leaving in her hands my fortune.

“I hate this game.” I tell her, with both my words and the irritated look on my face.

“Don’t be a bad loser.” She says, and if my queen weren’t wearing that mocking smile I love, the one I definitely have influenced her with, I would be reminding her of the advantage she has in this “poker Jude’s version” where she has added her and her sisters’ rules to it.

Rules I am vaguely aware of thanks to a 1 minute explanation she gave me before starting.

“I haven’t lost yet, love.” I reach to grab her wine glass since I have already drank mine and I take a sip, well needed.

In a naive move, I equal to what she has raised. The dealer, also known to us as the Roach, flips the last card on the table.

To my luck, it ain’t the king, meaning I have nothing, meaning I lose, meaning Jude wins, meaning the game is finally over.

She puts down her cards to show that she actually has the king that matches the queen of hearts resting in the table -a pair that makes the player win, according to the Duarte’s rules-.

“Yes! I knew you’d win.” Taryn at her side congratulates her. 

Unlike Jude’s poker partner, at my side, I only hear Vivi’s snort of disapproval. “How are you so bad at this?” She tells me.

We were paired this way -another weird rule of theirs- and both Vivi and Taryn had lost, leaving Jude and me as the only part of each team to get a chance to win.

“It’s not as if you've done better.” I answer while I see the Roach dragging across the table all of the “immortals with a weakness for mortals” team’s money, the name is Vivi’s invention.

“Don’t be too harsh on my king, will you?” Jude tells Vivi while she is looking at me with a grin.

-My king- sounds too good even accompanied with her ironic tone, one well known by me. “He's not that bad, it is only that I am too good.” That makes me chuckle.

When Taryn finishes collecting their money I stand and walk to my wife.

In the big table where we are, everyone stops to stare: the Roach and the Bomb, Taryn with the Ghost and Vivi next to Heather and other people who were watching the game. I don’t mind.

I stand next to her, looking directly into her beautiful big brown eyes and I offer her my hand. 

To my surprise, she takes it with no hesitation. Her hand tanned and warm against my cold pale hand.

She rises from her seat, her lips now parted in surprise instead of the teasing smile she had before. Her gorgeous yet discreet green silk dress -chosen by me, with her permission- falls elegantly, hauling across the floor when she takes a step closer to me.

“Where?” She whispers, only meant for me to hear, sending goosebumps across my neck. 

“Wherever.”

I suddenly remember the eyes that are expectantly on us when, instead of responding, Jude turns to watch Vivi only to find her smirking as if she just found out our secrets. 

I snort gazing at Vivi before I place my hand delicately on Jude’s chin and turn her face to look at me again.

I ask her once more, now with my eyes. She nods as she fails to suppress a mischievous grin when I myself smile at her.

With her hand on mine, I start walking backwards, my eyes still staring at my queen and blurring out everything behind her, everything but Taryn’s incredulous and quite disgusted grimace made when Vivi whispers something to her.

Knowing Vivienne, I don’t really wanna know.

We leave the room and find ourselves in another one, this one more quiet and lonely.

I finally bring myself to turn and walk properly the moment Jude gives me an irritated look when she has to grab me before bumping into a cabinet, a drink cabinet, to my luck.

I kneel before it and take Jude’s favorite drink instead of wine. I stuff two juice boxes in my pocket.

“What did you take?” She asks as I raise and grab her hand again. I ignore her question and start walking to exit the room, but when I think about leaving this quiet I stop in front of the door. I’m close enough that I can hear the revel’s musicians.

“Wife, I have no heart for the party outside.” I admit. I really don’t, and it’s stupid since I’m the one that ordered it to be done.

However, since this night, when I woke up from a nightmare, I knew the rest of the night wouldn’t treat me any better than the day had, but the party was already settled, so there was nothing to be done.

Nothing except taking refuge in my and my wife’s solitude in the poker room where I had asked her to accompany me in, far from the revel.

A solitude not long living thanks to Jude’s twin, followed by the Ghost and others who later joined.

Jude, with caring eyes -eyes I didn’t know about until some months ago, when she and I finally let go of our armor- stares at me in silence as if looking into my soul in the most loving way I could ever be looked at.

“Husband,” She says as she lifts a hand to caress my cheek. I genuinely never expect Jude to be this tender, and so when she is, I cherish every bit of it. “May I remind you that you are the high king, if you don’t want to go, then don’t.” I inevitably smile at that. 

I hand her the juice box that I’d kept in my pocket and begin opening mine. “And… since you are the queen-.” I say watching her stab her mortal juice box with the straw and suddenly looking up to me.

“The high queen.” She corrects me, making me chuckle.

“Yes, sorry, the high queen.” I take a sip of my juice before continuing. “Well, since you are the high queen, you ought to decide what we’ll do. Instead of going to the party.” 

She bites her lip as she thinks about it for a second. “I want…” She looks into my eyes as if I could know. Could I? “Mmm.” She smiles then. I know that smile like the back of my hand. I smile too.

“That’s what you want?” I respond. She seems surprised while she nods.

My smile grows wider while I start walking with her.

“Why are you happy about it?” She asks. I turn to look at her expecting her mocking face.“I thought you said you hated Duarte’s poker.” She adds. Oh. Well that’s that.

“Poker is what you want to do? Again?” I ask  while I sigh. “I thought… whatever.”

But I know she knows because she starts  laughing -pretty hysterically I’d say-. Great. “Okay, love, stop it. It’s not that funny” I try to contain my smile.

“You are funny.” That’s not actually a compliment because I know what she means is that I’m what’s funny. Like a jester. “Sorry” She says holding up an apologetic hand when her laugh transforms into a smile.

I take a sip from my juice while I stare at her in an exaggerated judging way, which makes her chuckle. “I do hate Duarte’s  poker.” I confess though she does very well know that already. “But I do find it funny how bad you are at cheating when stealing and hiding cards.”

“Hey! That’s not true.” Jude says pretending to be affronted. “You cannot really think I’m bad at it. No one has noticed.”

I laugh while I pull her closer by the waist. I feel her breath catch. I take out a hidden card out of a secret pocket in her dress. “Well -agh- are you always looking at all I do like a creep or what?” She says smirking.

“No.” I caress her cheek. “Not like a creep.” She then reaches to take another card from a pocket I didn’t know her dress had.

She shows it to me so that I see the king of hearts between her hands. “You.” I say looking down at her. 

“I stole this one too, yes.” She confesses. Of course she did steal it.

And the irony of her stealing the king and having it in her hands yet again makes me smile like an idiot.

-Characters by Holly Black

#jurdan #jude and cardan #jurdan headcanon #the folk of the air #thefolkoftheair #jurdan canon #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #jude and cardan headcanon #i miss jude and cardan #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #cardan x jude #jurdan fic #jude and cardan fic #jurdan fanfic #the cruel prince

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

In response to 732269791257198592

I get it and I'm sympathetic, and maybe bc at the time of seeing this I'm going through something that could be similar or adjacently similar, but as the other side of the coin here's my perspective.

You say you used to talk about your muses a lot and write a lot...but either not too much that your interactions remained solely on tumblr. Which is valid. Keeping hobbies organized is perfectly fine. But a friendship is a two way street that needs to be maintained on both sides to be healthy. I don't know how long you vanished from their lives, but ironically you feel like a ghost...cos ya kinda ghosted your friends. Even if you can rp like before, if you really valued people as friends you'd pop in, maybe not every day but every couple of days to send in hellos or memes. Anything to not be a random thought on a random day of 'did our friendship end that day cos they moved on or did they die?' kinda limbo.

I'm being kinda harsh right now, yeah and I'm sorry if I am. I am projecting. I wrote stuff from slice of life stuff to some of the darkest dd;dne that almost kinda trauma bonds two people, we've texted and sent gifts and I've even traveled to meet them. Things were so great...only for them to just...stop. Bc of irl reasons, and I knew the reasons so I understood. I didn't push. I sent them stuff to make sure they felt remembered and liked and loved...but if I didn't send something first, we'd never talk.

RP friendships on tumblr are vastly different. Everyone's lives are majorly different. Depending how much effort you put in remaining in some sort of communication with others while you were away for however long will be the consequence of how difficult it is to return.

And take this with a grain of a very large salt. I'm the other side of the coin that's been left behind and they return after months of radio silence expecting to be my priority. And they used to be...thrice already...but I'm honestly tired and have become highly selective of that fandom we used to write in...they've come back again and I've commented on their posts, send them asks for their character to answer but I can't really bring myself to write with them anymore because...I don't know when I'll be left again.

Referencing this post.

~ Mod MJ ~

#anonymous #answered

[twiceasfrustrating]

Welp, I'm feeling upset lately and I have been told to confront the things that make me upset. So I guess this is my way of doing that. Or maybe just venting? I don't know. I'm kind of in a weird spot in my brain right now.

About a year ago (September 19, 2021), I posted my fic Welcome Home. It took me a while to write as most things do. It was a request on this blog, so I had to take time to analyze the request, think of the planning, progress, and my word choice.

Here is the Google Doc History to show when I created the work and last edited it. It was a short 670 words, but that still took me some time between work and other fics I was writing at the time.

About 1-2 days later, an anon sent me a message saying my fic had been plagiarized and a link. Suffice it to say that after asking a few people what they thought (the start and premise of the fics is different so I wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy) they also found it to be plagiarism.

That fic was released September 20, 2021. One day after mine. They didn't even wait to plagiarize me. My words and ideas are nearly 50% of the fic.

My original fic is on the left. Theirs is on the right.

No, I do not care that I am reposting "someone else's writing" because these are my words that they reused, not theirs. It's my writing, just with some tweaks the same way a middle schooler fools their teacher when they copy/paste the wiki for an assignment (hence why I only post the parts that are plagerized and not the entire thing).

I hate confrontation with a passion and try to be polite, so I didn't say much about who this person was a year ago or even what fic was copied because I was afraid it would be found and start drama. I still will not share the blog name, but it isn't that hard to find. I was going to ignore it, but almost a year later I am upset for (admittedly) slightly petty reasons that keep bubbling under the surface.

With stolen words, they have gotten more attention than the thing they stole from (not by much, but my point stands). That is just a gross concept on its own, but then there is the second reason (and it will make me sound lawful stupid so buckle up).

Both of these writings were requests (both from named blogs, not anons, which takes far more courage in general). Someone decided they liked our writing and imaginations enough to reach out and see what we would do with their ideas. I can't speak for others, but I do requests as a small form of love for people who read/follow me. I may sound harsh sometimes or not do every single one, but the ones I do I put a lot of time and effort into. I treat people's ideas with care. To have that small bit of love and care ripped off and repackaged is disgusting. To have it used to answer someone else's request bothers me because they did not care enough for that person to actually put effort into treating that idea with care.

Why do I care a year later? Because I'm not the same person I was last year. I am still not a fan of confrontation or drama, but I also have enough respect for myself now to say that something is wrong and it does bother me.

Ironically, they say this before the fic begins:

Why take a request if you won't put effort into it? For internet clout? If they like it, it's not your words they like. It's mine. If someone redistributes it, it it my words they are using. And it's so very hypocritical to ask for others not to claim the work as their own when it isn't yours to begin with.

#rant #I'm an angry bitch this weekend apparently #I get angrier at night

[beauty-and-passion]

I think "The Invention of Lying" would be the great movie for Patton and Janus

I never watched the movie, so I did it and wow, what a wonderful experience! It is an incredibly funny movie, full of brilliant ideas and even more brilliant concepts. I literally had a sparkle in my eyes all the time!

And this is why I want to give some more unrequested opinions. There could be spoilers ahead so, if you’ve never seen this movie, go watch it: it’s great.

______________________________

1) Lying and writing

The movie specifically mentions scripts and movies, but considering how the movies are made in this kind of world, Mark isn’t much of a screenwriter, but he’s more of a writer.

And, as a writer myself, this connection with lying was absolutely perfect. Since I found out what Mark’s job was, I mentally begged to see him use the power of lying to create... well, the first novel ever.

And he did it! It was very satisfying to see it and immensely fun because the story was trash, but it also spoke to me on an intimate level, because this is exactly what writing is about. Novels are made of lies, writers are liars. And the better liar a writer can be, the better his novels are. It’s all a huge game of tricking the reader into believing, even for a while, that what they’re reading is actually real.

It was a perfect explanation of what a writer does and I love it.

______________________________

2) The good side of lying

There is this part I truly appreciated, in which Mark uses his newfound power not just for himself, but to help others. He starts with his colleague who wants to die and, with a short montage, he goes around his city, to say something that makes others feel better.

This is the perfect proof of how lying is useful in society. Saying the truth is necessary and good, sure, but we also need lies. Sometimes the truth is too harsh to bear.

And so, with tiny little lies, Mark saved a man’s life. He helped a homeless guy get back on his feet. He gave a couple that spark to love each other again. And he gave peace to a scared, dying woman.

It’s not an incredibly long moment, but it takes the right time and the message is clear: deceiving others can be good for some time, but helping others is what makes the lies worthy.

______________________________

3) The religious development

I thought this was supposed to be just a funny, silly movie. That kind of “random guy finds quirky power and uses it for silly adventures” movie.

But then, Mark lies about the afterlife, there are people outside his house, waiting to hear from him and here I thought: “Okay, Mark, don’t screw it up. You are basically going to invent religion. Do a good job”.

I was thrilled. And the delivery of it was *chef’s kiss*: the tablets of Commandments made by Pizza Hut’s boxes, the Man In The Sky who is not referring to anyone in particular wink wink, the free villa for everyone, the good place and the bad place, everything was absolute genius. I laughed so hard.

But what I loved most about this recent development, is how the movie shows the good and the bad side of religion. People are happier now, they are not terribly scared and afraid anymore. Religion gave them what religion always gives: solace and hope.

At the same time, religion made people more reckless about the time they’re spending on Earth. Since there will be a good life waiting for you for all of eternity, why should you care too much about what you are doing here on Earth? Be a douche three times only, then die as soon as possible and bam, eternity of happiness. Religion became so strong, to make the earthly time less important.

(And, if I remember correctly, that was an issue of Protestantism especially in the past? That people were so obsessed with the idea of the afterlife, to not care too much about their life on earth? Please correct me if I’m wrong)

Even more ironic, is that while talking to his mother’s grave, Mark says he’s the only one who knows she’s not in a villa, but she’s dead under the ground. Delicious nihilism, just thrown in your face. Loved it.

______________________________

4) Lying and love (Anna’s development)

I had a lot of mixed feelings for Anna and for the romance plot. Most of the time, I was so frustrated by her, I wanted Mark to move on and find another girl, instead of wasting his time with someone so interested in the genetics of her future offspring.

Most of the time, I felt she was a huge bitch because she clearly liked him for a lot of motives AND YET, genetics >>>> literally everything else.

Despite that, their scenes are so, so beautiful. The park scene is particularly good, because it's not just wholesome romanticism, but also a brief demonstration of what an artist truly is. If Anna sees people on a superficial level, Mark sees through them. He doesn't see a bald man with a suitcase, he sees a busy businessman who is late for a meeting. And by doing it, we realize that lying changed his mind. Lying made him see beyond appearances.

And we can see the result of this change, when Anna talks to the chubby kid. For the first time ever, she doesn't see a tiny fatty loser, but a wonderful child with a big, adorable smile. And I can start to appreciate her a little more.

Also, I was able to understand her a bit better, after the date with Brad and her conversation with her mother: this is when I realized that it wasn’t just her being a bitch: it was what her mother and society taught her.

Sure, it could've been handled better and maybe cleared from the start, so I would've been less frustrated by her. And her development is rushed too, especially towards the ending. It could've been handled better.

However, I still like how lying is treated, regarding love. Mark can lie to everyone, Anna included. But when it's something related to love, he doesn't want to. He can't. And, by contrast, this emphasizes how important truth is.

______________________________

5) The finale

The final reveal that Mark’s son is already able to lie is PERFECT. It makes sense, because lying is literally part of who we are - not just as humans, but as living beings.

How do you think animals or plants are able to catch prey? Or to defend themselves from predators? Or to attract the right insects to pollinate them? They lie and deceive others. Lying is part of nature.

And seeing that the "gene of lying" has been passed from father to son is a representation of how natural and common lying is. It even hints at a possible future in which lying will be the norm! Just like, well, in our world :P

That would also explain why and how the society in this movie reached such a high level of technology. For most of the first part, I kept asking myself how the heck these people managed to survive this long, without a single lie. Without lying, humanity would have gone extinct while they still lived in caves because how were they supposed to catch preys? And cooperate? Maybe this kind of world developed another specific passive gene, otherwise humans would've killed each other for the stupidest thing XD

______________________________

6) The connection with Sanders Sides

I want to believe Janus loves this movie. When he's not too busy watching some movie about how bad society is and he wants to have fun, this is what he watches.

This movie is an ode to lying and the connections with Sanders Sides are *chef's kiss*. Let's consider that:

a) The first lie Mark says is to save himself from a desperate situation. The first lie literally stemmed from self-preservation.

b) Lying made Mark much more creative and able to see beyond the ordinary. Lies made creativity.

c) Mark doesn't welcome all lies as they are. Sometimes, Mark regrets his lies, ponders if he did the right thing. And when he had the chance to lie to his loved one, he didn't (and when he did and lied about the man in the sky, then he told her the truth). Lying empowered Mark's morals. Lies made his morals stronger.

And speaking of Morality, I honestly think Patton would like this movie too. Not only because he is a liar as well and he would understand Mark's motivations, but also because this movie proves how love goes beyond every lie.

Lies can help you to be better, but not to change what you feel. Mark loved Anna from the start, lying didn't change that. On the contrary, lying helped him develop the most important parts of himself: his kindness and his creativity. They are the reason why Anna fell in love with him, not his lies. And this was even clearer, when he admitted his biggest lie - the one about the man in the sky. Once he proved that, no matter how many things he can tell, he would never deceive her with the intention of hurting, this is what gave her the final push.

At the end, the message is the same as always: love wins and so on. But it was delivered with a wonderful focus on lying that makes this movie wholesome (therefore perfect for Patton) and clever with a sprinkle of darkness (therefore perfect for Janus).

Aaaand yes, of course this movie is perfect for moceit. I love the dynamic of "I could lie and hurt the world, but I would never lie to hurt you". Also because it's canon (let's not forget Patton asking "how many times someone can say sorry, before you have to admit they're bad?" -> Janus’ sarcastic reply -> actual truth once he realized Patton was hurt by his sarcasm).

And, as I said when I talked about their dynamic, Janus and Patton can empower each other and have a wonderful cooperation. This movie is proof of how strong this cooperation could be.

Also this movie proved Janus can be a mother to Roman and Remus, so the family is perfect, Roman can have his evil stepmother like a true Disney princess

#sanders sides #ask #the invention of lying #janus sanders #patton sanders #moceit #great movie #both as it is #and for its connection with sanders sides #great taste my dear

[toomanymessythoughts]

I finished reading Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao a few days ago and here are some of my thoughts

First off, this book was an amazing read. Xiran Jay Zhao’s writing is immersive and engaging and the fast pace of the story had me in tight grip at all times. I was always curious of what the next paragraph, the next page, the next chapter would reveal to me. Huaxia feels like a fascinating world that still has many secrets to unravel and I’m looking forward to finding out about them in the sequel. Wu Zetian is an interesting main character and while she is ruthless, stubborn and harsh at times she remained a character that I rooted for. I still remember to pure satisfaction I felt when she overpowered Yang Guang and drained the life from him and “Welcome to your nightmare” is just iconic. I like that she is this unhinged and extremely powerful character but it doesn’t come across as forced, because you can see that the reason, she is so powerful is not because she has main character privileges, but because she has this unwavering willpower which lies at the source of her insanely powerful qi. She has made me want to be just a little bit more unhinged myself. The other characters also really grew on me especially Li Shimin (I swear if he doesn’t come back in Heavenly Tyrant my soul will straight up evaporate.) I love myself a morally grey, intimidating giant with a heart of gold and his character ark was really moving and I don’t think I can describe how low my heart sank when he met his tragic fate. I will now forever despise the number 0… (how could they do this to him?! my poor baby, bring him back, now, I’m begging.) Gao Yizhi is just a gem, the ultimate supportive best friend/boyfriend that is needed when you need to overthrow a government. He is so sweet yet can be just as ruthless as Zetian which is a duality that I live for. I will also never get enough of his nerdy fanboying over Shimin and his calligraphy.

On to the magic system. I love it. I loved learning more and more about qi, how it’s connected to the five elements and how it can be used as the story went on and the scenes where the pilots let it power through their meridians so that they start glowing were just so, so cool. My favourite one was probably the one that reveals that Qin Zheng has access to all five of his elemental qis and I wouldn’t be surprised if Zetian also acquires this power in the future given that she already has metal, water and fire at her disposal, that would be so badass.

The writing style was very enjoyable for me. It gives the book a straightforward tone and while some might view this as it being blunt, it was extremely refreshing for me to read something that is clear and concise after having to tediously pry the meaning from the pages of the books I had to read for school. Don’t get me wrong, some of there books were really good, but my brain really needed this change of pace and tone. Something that I particularly liked about this style is that while it is pretty straightforward, it never feels simplistic or rushed. Xiran Jay Zhao says what they need to say in a short and effective way which in my opinion adds extra weight and punch to the messages they packed into their story.

The only critique that comes to mind right now, is that there were parts that I wished had been a bit more fleshed out, but I understand that in order to keep the pace, sacrifices had to be made. I also recently stumbled upon a post of the author saying that they had to delete many scenes due to the strict word count so I guess this is a bone that I have to pick with the publisher.

But more than anything, I want to thank this book and the author. Because for the first time in I don’t know… probably somewhere close to 10 years that I’ve been able to pick up a book, take a liking to it and read it from start to finish without losing my momentum. Every time I opened Iron Widow, I was excited to reunite with Wu Zetian, Yizhi and Li Shimin and see what would happen next. I can’t describe how happy this made me and how much hope it gave me. Maybe one day I’ll be able to go back to being the bookworm I was when I was younger and when I do, it will be all thanks to this book. I loved reading it form the first page to the last and I can’t wait for the sequel.

#iron widow #wu zetian #li shimin #gao yizhi #xiran jay zhao #talking about books

[snowmaniaph]

Snow Life: Hat Remake 1

Attracted to having a unique piece only they own

Meguro’s harsh criticism of Fukazawa’s expensive personal clothes!?

When choosing the base hat wasn’t Fukazawa murmuring “I’m aware that I don’t look good in caps”...?

Fukazawa: Yeah, I normally wear things similar to bucket hats. Of course, I also have caps, but I don’t use them often so I thought it might be okay to use this project as a chance to challenge myself to wear caps. The size was fine too...

Were you perhaps conscious about that your head size is on the bigger side...?

Fukazawa: Ha!? Yo-you’re right though, my head is kinda big (angry)!?

Meguro: Stop with that “I was waiting for that teasing comment!” (laughs)

Fukazawa: (laughs) Really, (my head) is big!

Meguro: But me too! This (both sides of the top of his head) is protruding a lot. Also, I guess this is the back of my head? The right side is very flat, but the left side is protruding a bit. It’s in an unknown shape. That’s why I can’t sleep with my face up even if I try! I will definitely end up lying on my right arm because the right side of my head is flat.

Fukazawa: Eh-, I didn’t know. The shape of your head will be revealed if you shave it!

Meguro: That’s right. I know because I always had shaved head when I was a kid (laughs).

Fukazawa: But hats are nice! I like it! The cap I remade at first was made with the theme “not to stand out as much as possible, make my head hard to see”, but wasn’t it surprisingly fashionable?

Meguro: Un, it looked nice but it ironically stood out (laughs). Fukka-san wore the hat mainly to hide his head, but I choose hats for simple reasons like “It would probably look cute if the color of the hat matched my shoes”!

Fukazawa: Right! The green fringe Meme used also matched the color of that shirt.

Meguro: Trying to do it myself made me understand how hard it is for the stylists who normally do this and take care of me! But I can get immersed while doing detailed tasks like this so I like it.

Fukazawa: That’s right. Meme has the image of devotedly doing something for a long time once he gets hooked.

Meguro: Un. Today was fun too, and even though I haven’t done it, I’m interested in things like hammering nails. If I do it seriously then I will definitely find it interesting. How about you, Fukka-san?

Fukazawa: Me too, I haven’t done it myself but basically I like remade clothes! There was a store in Koenji (near Shinjuku) that remade clothes before, and for a time I really bought a lot from that store. I was attracted to the idea of being the only one who owned something unique!

Meguro: Ah, you do like remade clothes! You have an image of wearing a lot of clothes with things like studs attached to them!

Fukazawa: Right! It’s fun when materials that aren’t supposed to meet come together! Among those, I like patches the most. Even for my outfits in live performances, I like putting patches on like Bam! Bam! Bam! (laughs).

Meguro: But Koenji also has the image of secondhand shops...

Fukazawa: Ah, but I don’t wear a lot of secondhand items! But when I’m told that it’s remade, then I enter the shop.

How would you grade each other’s clothing style/ sense?

Fukazawa: It’s me saying this but his style is harmonious! The way the clothes are paired suits the person called Meme. If there’s one thing I can say about Meme’s fashion style then it’s that I think it is very good.

Meguro: Fukka-san’s fashion is very... it’s like “he wants me to say the brand” (laughs).

Fukazawa: O, oh! For me, that’s a compliment (laughs)!

Meguro: This is something Fukka-san said, okay? “I want to give dreams to the kouhai”. That’s why his fashion of having a lot of branded clothes makes sense.

Fukazawa: Because we admired our senpai and often thought “That’s nice~ I also want to be like that so I’ll work hard” when we saw them wearing cool clothes during our junior days. That’s why now I want the new Jrs., not to look at me (laughs), but I think it would be nice if they thought of me as an encouragement. It’s with that intention that I continue wearing high-brand clothes!!

Meguro: It’s just that, normally, branded items make you want to wear items from the same shop right? But in Fukka-san’s case, there were times when his top had a logo, and his bottom had a different logo (laughs).  

Fukazawa: It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s because I’m in charge of “dreams” in SnowMan!

#snowman #snow man #fukazawa tatsuya #meguro ren #translations #snow life #fukkameme #tatsuya fukazawa #ren meguro

[sakura-samsara]

Shigehira Main Story: Preview

Please note that this preview has minor spoilers for Shigehira's main story!

Shigehira: What strength do you have in your slender arms? You’re just getting in our way by being here.

My caretaker in the shogunate was the “Peony Blossom Lord,” a young man from the Taira clan who was as beautiful as he was cold.

At first, I felt hurt by his frigid words, but then…

Shigehira: What’s going on here? This many grown men have ganged up just to harass a lone woman…

Shigehira: What a shameful sight.

When I had gotten into a predicament with some new soldiers, he, of all people, was the one to help me.

Shigehira: …You really are impossible to deal with.

Shigehira: You carelessly get yourself caught up in this and that, but every time you get pushed away you just come right back with your defenses down…

Shigehira: And you’re so resilient against harsh words that nothing I say can convince you that you should stay away from the battlefield—

Shigehira: You just don’t understand how reckless it is for a woman who can’t fight to go into combat!

Yoshino: …Shigehira-san, you’re just concerned about my safety, aren’t you?

Shigehira: ...

Though his demeanor was still chilly, he was also kind and honorable—our relationship began to change once I had noticed this.

Shigehira: You can stop using honorifics and polite language when you speak to me. It’s annoying and troublesome to bother with it.

Shigehira: You’re neither my retainer nor my servant, and you don’t look much younger than I am.

Shigehira: So you have no reason to speak to me so formally.

Yoshino: Is that really alright…?

Shigehira: Don’t make me say it again.

Yoshino: O-Okay! Got it. Umm… Shigehira-kun!

As our friendship continued to grow, Shigehira and I went to the capital together… where we had an encounter with someone unexpected.

Yoichi: You know what they say. Appearances can be deceiving.

Yoichi: But you let my dad and all his vassals get killed during the Genpei War… You’re just as cold-hearted for that as you look. 

The bloody history between Shigehira and Yoichi was revealed to me.

In addition, Yoichi burdened Shigehira with a cruel truth…

Yoichi: The rebel army plans to round up and recruit all the survivors of the Heike.

Yoichi: You’ll be bound to see some familiar faces on the battlefield soon.

Shigehira: Wh…

Yoichi: Bocchan… Shigehira. It’s ironic, don’t you think? You once fought for the Heike’s sake, but you have to fight and kill the members of the Heike now. 

He is so kind, but the world is not kind to him.

Yet, in spite of the wounds he suffers, Shigehira is unrelenting in his pursuit of strength.

Once I learned that about him… I found myself falling in love with him.

Shigehira: Why were you crying?

Shigehira: Did someone say something bad to you when I wasn’t there to hear it?

Yoshino: N-No, that’s not it.

(Why do I feel so weird…?)

(I can’t take my eyes off of Shigehira-kun, now more than ever.)

Yoshino: It’s really not a big deal or anything, so you don’t have to—

Shigehira: I hate it.

Yoshino: Hate what…?

Shigehira: I don’t know why.

Shigehira: …But I hate seeing you cry.

Then war began to rage while our relationship was still on unstable ground.

We were thrown into conflict over and over again.

Shigehira: I won’t let myself succumb again.

Shigehira: That’s why this will be the last time I shed a tear.

He was changed by his frustration and sorrow—like a caterpillar emerging from a chrysalis as a butterfly, or a small bud blossoming into a gorgeous flower.

I, too, changed alongside him…

Yoshino: Then I… I won’t shed another tear from now on, either. So that you won’t have to wipe them away anymore.

Shigehira: Yoshino-san…

Yoshino: I don’t want to just cry for you, Shigehira-kun. I want to be someone who can fight alongside you.

Yoshino: Will you let me be your… comrade-in-arms?

Shigehira: …Very well.

We turned a blind eye to our true feelings for each other.

But then, in the time of my greatest crisis—

Yoichi: Why would you go this far?

Shigehira: Because the thought of losing her made my soul scream in agony!

His cry pierced my heart.

Shigehira: Yoshino-san is the one who I love.

Shigehira: That’s why I won’t let anyone or anything take her away from me.

When, despite getting trampled underfoot and battered by freezing rain, the peony flowers bloomed in full glory,

Dawn broke on the long night of wartime…

Shigehira: I won’t ever give up on you. I’ll do anything it takes to get past our hardships, regardless of how disgraceful it might seem. 

Shigehira: So that no matter what, you won’t have to let go of our happiness together.

#would probably have been better to post the preview before 10 chapters of the main story but here we are anyway! #ikemen genjiden shigehira #shigehira main story #ikemen genjiden translations #i’ll definitely edit this as i work through the rest of the main story

[tarynkurt]

ah yes, another year

there's hardly anything to say. but here's a bunch of stuff anyway.

i reflect on all that bring me smiles, and feel knots form and twist within me over all the embarrassments. things have always been difficult for me socially, and i have spent the majority of this time studying ways to mimic those to which interaction comes easily, trying to understand and find such ease in myself. often this has gone very well, and then i go through a year like this where it all seems to go backwards. i can find myself stuck for hours as though my lips have been sewn shut. yes, yes, you're trapped, just like everyone else.

(it gets happier i promise, just bear with me).

in some ways. i know there are ways in which i am wired completely different to most, and thankfully i have the diagnoses to prove it. but i have spent many years with this as an excuse, and i grow weary of it.

a cause can offer great explanation for something, but often does not excuse it. now, i use this argument more for understanding those who have done wrong - there is always a reason why, but that is rarely a justification. and many would say i am too harsh for saying this same thing to myself, that i should be allowed to excuse myself, given the circumstances.

but if a tendency i am wired with leaves me feeling desolate and empty, then i do not think that can be excused. we are powerful creatures in our ability to cause change within ourselves, if we have such determined resolve to do so.

i think what is important is viewing these things with kindness, and forgiveness. i do not wish to excuse the same 'failures' in myself over and over, but should i fall, it does me no good to answer this with hate and despair. as much as i feel i ought to sometimes. one must accept things with humility and love, and rise to try again. so when the chance comes again, we may remember, and see how we can approach the energetic movement differently. if we continue to base this growth upon self loathing, then the same defence mechanisms will continue to be triggered each time difficult situations present themselves; you spiral back into the same habits to which you try so desperately to run from.

the more you run from things, the faster you become them. or whatever tyler the creator said.

for a few years i really came into my own in this personal development stuff, at the ripe age of 16. i had a strange childhood. no-one could even begin to guess the confusion behind it all. even now, it seems i'm doing pretty well, apart from those days. but back then i felt unstoppable; i'd almost completely turned off the tap of anxious bullshit.

but i had no artistic expression. i had neglected that side of myself for so long.

there's always a catch in things, and as i now find myself in a slightly opposite side of it all, i recall the essentialness of sacrifice.

and so i moved, up north to the scottish fresh air, free from the city that i hated all my life, just as i had grown to love it. ironic, right? and just as the lockdown began. i grew very accustomed to the solace of my own mind again, and followed in into dissolution and madness while i wandered the beautiful forests and fields for hours on end. that sounds like exaggeration but i assure you it is quite the case; i mean, have you read the stuff in this blog so far? it came quite natural to me to use my own psyche as a form of experimentation, to see how deep it all goes, and to try and understand what it all means.

as you can imagine, that could sometimes get rather dark.

and then again for a while i thought i had found some of the answers. the secrets of the universe, as tyrece and i used to always say. in some ways i did find something like that, though they are neither secrets nor anything one could conceptualise into words, other than the vaguest of directions like harmony, and divinity. i gave my thanks to this, as it led me back to my core. i found my artistry again, and more importantly discovered the magic of this in music.

i remember standing on the end of crombie point, a rocky pier at the end of the fife coastal path, situated a bit inland on the estuary upon which edinburgh sits, facing the grangemouth power station and gazing at the incredibly high tide as the waves crashed with quite a menacing force. there was quite a mean storm going, you see.

the wind and rain seemed to strip my mind bare, and left my skeleton out to the mercy of the sea. it took quite a lot of my might not to jump in, to be frank. an hour or two passed as i just watched the waves roll, and i saw thousands of faces rise and fall in its countenance. they had such expressions that were so incomprehensible to me, but i kept staring, trying to understand.

this is the part where you wonder if this is all some big descriptive metaphor for how i experience day to day life. i've wondered that too, and you mustn't underestimate the synchronicity that arrises in life. if you look for it, you shall see everything in its great majesty reflected back at you, in every nook and cranny.

however poetically you may interpret it though, like i say, i rarely exaggerate. i experience life quite literally, and so speak accordingly.

i walked home that day two hours after sunrise, as though i was learning to walk again. like i had to rebuild myself, from scratch. though that was not something i was too unfamiliar with, this time struck me to my core. so still with me now i carry such great reverence for nature, and the divine forces of this world. they do not just whisper, but scream and shout from the top of their lungs, in every single facet of growing and still life, rocks and hills, soil and bark, leaves and petals, water and ice that you can try lay your eyes on. and the rest that you can't. they whisper the truth that i so desperately longed for, that which even now i seem to so often forget, as i bury myself in the hustle and bustle of city life in search of my work. but still they cry out, without wavering, for that is their duty, and their promise, to everything all around. it is the chain that keeps on singing, and it is filled with thanks. gracious, joyous thanks, even in the sharpest storm, blasting the rocks for the millionth time with all its might, they respond with gratitude.

i think we all then ask why?

that's all we ever ask.

but some things can't be explained, not like our minds desire. not in a tangible, human way with labels and diagrams.

some things can only be felt.

and so with this resolve circling my mind, as i filled journal after journal and taught myself music production, and painting (not that nice 'correct' manner, just my own silly abstractions), new forms of writing, and of course the guitar. i was still too scared to begin singing, but soon i would meet kind people who gave me more courage. i made some deep mistakes, and as it turns out it would not be the first, and not even be the worst, but i let them teach me as best i could, and asked for forgiveness. you'll be very hard pressed trying to find anyone in this life that hasn't done wrong. what you should look for are those who can freely admit to it, and seek to do better in response. we are creatures of both great good and great evil; it is what you choose to listen to that matters. never trust those who can never accept their own capacity for evil, or can never own up to their own faults. for we all have both.

anyway, i digress.

it was time for my first real statement, when i felt my refinement of skill was at its first major milestone (note: i'm probably only now nearing my second, or third at best). and so i made the nature of self. an instrumental project reflecting, as best i could, what i had learnt through my time in scotland, from the swift and abrupt maturing i had to go through before in coventry, working full time at 16 but devoted to personal development to the nth degree, to the ever-flowing joy and madness of running through the trees for 8 hours a day and learning what it meant to express. why we express. and how this all reflected back into the natural world, from which it came, into the nature of our own minds.

like i say, i tried to delve deep into the psychology of myself. i went awfully far in.

then with another miracle, and this project in my back pocket, i made it to london, to study production officially as a degree. to discover myself and find some comfort in people again, for the isolation up north had driven me to madness one too many times. as you can expect, the overstimulation was pretty high, and i felt to be a fish out of water. but, as we always do, i adapted. then i was grew reckless, remembering my tender age and acted accordingly, trying to experience and live wildly, and made the deeper mistakes. i can never listen to advice, truly. if a mistake is to be made, i must make it, to really understand why. oh, how i have wished this wan't the case, but alas, we are all wiser with hindsight. you had to do it first to gain that wisdom.

i hadn't forgotten my social learning from before scotland, but i did realise how strange other things came to me now i was really an 'adult'. i tried my best, but neglected my health and learning, and a great deal of the grace i learnt in the warm arms of nature faded from my attention. it's very easy to get swept up by big cities, and even easier than that to forget why you even went there in the first place. trying to live, rather than survive, is a great ordeal.

and now we're back, really. i've endured great turbulence, and been graced with great blessings. the echoes of my spiritual delving in the north struck me in painful ways at times, and joyous ways in others. as with everybody else, i continued to fight the ever-raging tug of war between trying to live the life i desire for the best peace, health and 'productivity', and the more pressing concerns of shit that needs to be done now to pay rent, eat and show up to things.

it's hard keeping friends through that, even more so when you reside in a mind like my own. there's only so many times you can apologise to people for not being there, before you realise the chance has passed. that's ok. everyone has their own path, we must accept that.

this year i went within, with a great deal of struggle but so much goodness and achievement. i have found ways to re-ignite the fire, when it felt completely exhausted, put real care back into my health, learning and this artistic journey, and laid some real foundations for good musical growth and experiences this year to come. i got to travel like i was never able to in my whole life, and see some wonderful shows. i found joy and appreciation whenever i had lost it, rising from the shells around me, and i think i am learning to listen to the currents of the world around me again. to feel the pulsing breath of life in nature, the divinity in things. i was able to cry again. that one is really quite the achievement.

and yet i still can fixate on how i feel smaller again. how i have crashed and lost my words in rooms full of people. how i have somehow ended up with people hating me, seemingly convinced that i have malicious intent toward them, when all i had wished to do was be friends. this happens to us all; i just seem to have a harder time understanding it, and moving past it. this year i felt really small.

that is why, i remind myself, i am an artist. because i feel it all, so unbelievably much. find strength in your feelings of weakness, with the knowledge that it takes great capacity to feel them it at all.

and i have so much appreciation as a result.

i really try to say my thanks for things.

even if weeks go by and i fall into the clouds again, or if i sit in another room and feel my voice disappear, trapped underneath the water's surface, i continue to keep faith. just a sliver of hope is all it takes to keep going. and when you snap out of it (like we always do), take some nice big breaths and say your thanks. it all has its purpose.

so i explain it all, but i do not excuse it. i forgive myself and understand why, but do not hate myself for my perceived failings and how they burden me. i quietly accept it, because i've seen the biggest picture, and it's ok for these things to happen. what matters is that you try again, a little each time, to train as i once did so valiantly. as i do now again. to study those around me and myself, not excusing my shy behaviour in such a way that i can continue to perpetuate it, but humbly letting a weak moment pass so it can be followed with one just a little bit stronger.

each time the weight on my chest gets a little bit lighter.

what matters is that you do not continue to stare into the void. you make sure the moment you see the clouds break and a sliver of sunshine passes through, you jump up and catch it. you forgive yourself for letting your eyes shut by opening them as wide as you can, and laugh it off.

the sun and the moon laugh so wonderfully, if you stop to listen.

i can't guarantee i won't feel so awkward again; it's pretty reasonable to expect it, at some point. but i can promise myself that i'll keep trying, and let it let go a bit more then. you don't need to hold on so tight and have all these preconceptions about things, its really never as serious as we think. and before you know it, you've forgotten the worry.

i hope i can find solace around good people more this year. this journey is walked with those around you, not in solidarity. as nice as it is to be alone in my own space, that does not allow me to grow nearly as much as being in the company of other kind souls, ones who feel the same budding flowers in their core as I do, yearning to jump out and grow their roots in the infinite manners of art and human expression that we have at our fingertips. i love watching that unfold.

as for the path, i can thankfully say things are moving along nicely. i am to perform my first show next month, supporting my good old friend howard, and will sing proudly. there is lots for me to discover, and i feel such great excitement to see how it will unfold, as i continue to refine my craft and understand what it is that i am learning.

my whole life's work is one big great painting, a myriad of expressions slowly growing and drawing themselves together in a web, and i know that it shines with wonder and beauty. i feel everything far too much for it to not. it truly is divine.

how exciting it is to see how it all grows!

and so i think of the past year, and i direct my attention to this. not to the worries, and the cracks, but to the joy, and the growth. the sweet imperfections bursting with feeling that ripen by the day.

this year i will care for myself more, so that my health may reflect the same golden shine.

and gain some more discipline over my emotions. allowing oneself to feel, but not to be led astray by spirals of concern and away from awareness in the present are two very different things. i love feeling how i feel, but i sure can learn from the past in ways to not let it overcome me.

for there is a great difference between experiencing something, and becoming it.

i am more than the clouds that pass me by.

i am the million colours in the breath of life, permeating through it all.

now, i have surely written much more than was necessary, and i am sleepy and should rest for a while. writing like this almost always comes in the quiet peace of the night, you see. but hey, reading all this was your choice, i didn't tell you to. and i've got to get some of this stuff out there now; it'll make the book writing so much easier in the future!

we all need to be able to say our stories, otherwise we'd just explode.

and i like to be very exact with how i speak.

with love,

taryn :)

[chrysanthemumpink]

I'm starting to feel like it doesn't really matter. It never matters. It's the same when we're fighting and the same when we're good.

I feel like I'm always alone, like I have no friends, and begging for anyone to talk to me. Which is crazy way for someone in a relationship to feel

Sidenote, once you're older than 25, it gets very difficult to make friends. It's almost like the world pushes for you to have the closest and most intimate relationship with your partner. And that you almost have to prioritize the romantic relationship over any other kinds of connections. So what ends up happening is that it's difficult to make friends with people because they have different priorities while most social events assume that you are with someone else...most likely a boo. Ironically, it's much easier to find a romantic or sexual partner than it is a long-term friendship

But back to me. I know I moved up here alone. I knew I would've have anyone when I got here. When I moved, I understood that there'd be no one there to just chat. Not even when I desperately needed it.

And I just wish that he would call me every day or every other day. Even more so, I wish he could see just how much I need that from him. I mean...I don't have anyone. Even though I'm in this relationship, I don't have anyone.

And honestly, I'm getting tired of feeling that way. Part of me thinks that I don't have too. It's a long shot but I can find someone else, right? Someone that won't make me feel like I'm alone, even when they are in the room.

Off topic, but I grew up heavily religious. I'm still a very spiritual person though I'm far from a fundamentalist. And it's been difficult lately...very difficult. I've struggled with mental health for a long time but it's getting to the point where I don't see myself making it to 30. I'm 27 & truthfully, 28 doesn't seem guaranteed. He doesnt know that. But if he ever, idk, considered that maybe theres a reason I ask for certain things, he would. And that maybe there's a reason I really struggle with the way he just doesn't seem to really care whether I exist or not.

Anyway, I've been fasting for a week now. Might as well try the spiritual route because not much else is working. He does not care much about the fast either but for a moment this isn't about him. I feel alone. And like there's nothing connecting me to the world. Frankly, the world doesn't seem too interested in connecting with me. Quite the opposite. So I did this fast to ask myself the following: "Can my spirit and will sustain me when the external world can't or just doesn't want too."

(On the flip side, that's also one of the reasons I try not to push too hard for affection. He can never know the truth. I would never do something like that to him.)

Idk, I figured fasting from external sustenance would ignite some version of internal sustenance. The first 3 days were 18 hours. These last 2 days have been 24 hour fasts. It was actually much more difficult than I thought it would be. I had no idea that *not eating* can cause vomiting.

But the fast is over in 2 hours. I did it. I managed to rely fully on my spirituality and my own self. And now, he just looks so small in comparison. My disappointment in his lack of effort far outweighs any of the appreciation I have for the effort that does exist.

And I know I'm being harsh. He's not in the states right now. He has an app just to talk to me. He's busy and he wouldn't respond to anything if he didn't care. I tell him to send me pictures and he does. But...it's so unsatisfying. 2 messages a day at most. None of it is a conversation. I know he gets off at 9 and it'd be nice if he would call...at 9. Instead of a message, the a reply, that may or may not be answered. I'm not saying he doesn't have a reason to not be putting in effort. I just think it's a fairly reasonable for a partner to want/*need* a conversation every day when the other partner is literally in a foreign country. my issues aside, the least a partner can do is say they're still alive and how it's going.

I do see his point of view so I'll give it one last chance. When he comes back, I can try to make it work again. And I won't even tell him, lord knows he's too busy to deal with it. I'll just keep it to myself how much I don't want to deal with it anymore. And maybe he'll prove me wrong.

But right now, Ive become more assured in the things that will see me through whatever life lies ahead of me. And I see how little concern or difference our lives effect one another. And well, I just can't afford the feelings he inspires and I can't help but fantasize about what it'd be like to do something crazy like hug 8 times a day

#leo x pisces

[rnelodyy]

c!Dream and the rules

(/dsmp /rp, all names refer to characters, not content creators)

I think one of the most striking parts of Exile is something that I rarely see talked about, and it’s Dream’s rules. Or rather, how his rules were made to be used as justification to hurt Tommy.

The thing about exile is that, outside of the initial rule of “Don’t go back to L’Manburg”, Dream never told Tommy the rules, yet constantly operated under the assumption that Tommy already knew them, and had accepted them. The rules also changed constantly, without Tommy ever being notified until he was already in trouble.

The second time Dream told Tommy to put his armor in the hole, he didn’t tell Tommy to do that right away. Instead, the conversation went like this (slightly edited to remove stammering and unrelated dialogue).

Dream: Do you have, uh… something you wanna put on the floor here? Tommy: Yes. (drops two pieces of red concrete as Dream digs a hole) Dre-eam! You’re evil. You’re evil. Dream: Anything else, Tommy? Tommy: Nope! Dream: Oh c’mon, I know there’s something else you wanna drop down here. Tommy: (panicking slightly) No, there… (messages BBH “take this and run”, throws him the disc BBH had gifted him earlier) Um… I don’t reckon there is! (pause) Dream: Okay, are you suuuure? Tommy: YES. Dream: Alright… How ‘bout your armor, Tommy? Tommy: Well, no, this is- I actually earned this myself. Dream: I know you did! Tommy: Leave me alone. Dream: Just drop it in the hole, Tommy. Tommy: Wh- no, NO, you can’t just come and demand things from me! I’ve been exiled, I’ve done your shit, what do you mean?! Dream: (sing-song) Tommy… Tommy: What? (Dream hits Tommy with his axe, taking over half his health) Tommy: (screams, drops his armor) OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY!

The only rule Tommy was aware of at this time was that he wasn’t allowed to go back to L’Manburg. Dream had taken his armor the night before, but there was no indication that he expected Tommy to do this constantly. Taking his armor upon initially arriving at Logstedshire made some kind of sense, allowing Tommy to keep it would run the risk of him trying to fight his way back into L’Manburg. Taking his new, very shitty armor (seriously it was an iron chestplate and a pair of golden leggings he got from a ruined portal chest) made no sense at all, so the fact that Tommy was confused and refused to cooperate at first isn’t unexpected in the slightest.

And the thing is… Dream was aware of this fact. Throughout the conversation, he never really sounded annoyed, and was actively teasing Tommy at times. This isn’t a good thing btw, it’s a sign that he was fully aware that Tommy didn’t know what he wanted from him, and that that would create a situation where Dream could “put him in his place” as it were.

If you’re a parent, and your kid does something that’s not allowed, without knowing it’s not allowed, you don’t start off with a beating. You sit them down, calmly explain the rules to them and explain why those rules are there, then send them on their way with the knowledge that they shouldn't do it again.

This interaction wasn’t an instance of Tommy acting out and Dream correcting him. This interaction was a trap. Dream set Tommy up to fail by not telling him the rules beforehand, and when Tommy offered even the slightest bit of resistance and asked why he needed to drop his armor, Dream jumped straight to beating him. It’s a powerplay, plain and simple.

This is demonstrated again with the destruction of Logstedshire. Dream got pissed that Tommy disobeyed him by having hidden chests with gear under his house, and retaliated by destroying everything Tommy had built, destroying every item he’d collected, killing his pet and only foodsource, barring him from the Nether, banning everyone except himself from visiting, and telling him to start over from scratch after a whole lecture about how Tommy betrayed him.

Again, I wanna point out some specific lines from this lecture that illustrate my point very well.

Dream: You were lying to me! You were lying to me. Tommy: No- Why was I lying?! Dream: What do you mean, why were you lying?! Tommy: I wasn’t hi- I wasn’t- Dream: You hid things in a chest knowing they were things I wouldn’t want you to have! And you hid it in a way that way I would never find it!

Except Tommy didn’t know that. The contents of the stash were all items that Tommy had obtained previously without any issue (diamonds, emeralds, iron, ender pearls, some pickaxes, and some purely sentimental items like flowers, a jukebox, and pictures of Tubbo and L’Manburg). In fact, the vast majority of them came from Tommy’s aboveground storage, which Dream had full access to, and had looked through before!

Dream also never said Tommy wasn’t allowed to hide stuff, and there was nothing to suggest he didn’t want Tommy to keep secrets from him.

There’s been a theory floating around for a while that Dream knew about Tommy’s item stash beforehand, since it was a very strange place to dig a hole (like, right in front of the house in the center of Logstedshire itself, instead of out in the plains where the TNT wouldn’t damage any structures), and Tommy had previously forgotten to cover up the entrance ladder. While Dream hadn’t looked inside the house, he would’ve definitely heard Tommy place the block back.

If this theory is correct, then this was yet another trap. Dream knew Tommy had a hidden room, and instead of just saying “hey, I don’t want you to have a hidden stash, go put this back and fill in the room” (which would’ve still been bullshit btw), he went COMPLETELY ballistic, destroyed EVERYTHING Tommy had, and while doing it, kept admonishing Tommy for betraying him, said shit like “I thought we were friends”, and even accused him of preparing to attack Dream. Again, a powerplay.

Hell, even the exile conflict itself is this! Tommy was exiled for griefing the king’s property while being a high-ranking official in L’Manburg. Except Fundy, the then-president’s son, CONSTANTLY griefed Eret’s shit after the L’Manburg war, ranging from ripping down one of their towers to “shrink” it, filling another tower with water, and multiple elaborate plots to steal the throne from under their nose. But apparently, between all of that shit and the exile-conflict, the rules were silently changed, meaning Dream could exile Tommy for breaking a couple blocks and placing some rude signs in George’s house. Even the punishment itself was changed without warning, as Tommy went from being exiled from L’Manburg to exiled from “everywhere that’s ever been touched.”

...I was originally gonna make a different point here. I may put it in the reblogs, because I still think it’s very interesting. But, in the middle of writing this essay I had to stop because it was late, then I spent the entire next day packing up because I’m in the middle of a move. It's now the next evening, I'm sat in my new room, on my camping bed, I opened this doc because I pretty much forgot what I typed, I reread it, and then I realized… This isn’t an isolated series of events. This is a pattern for Dream.

Before Tommy first joined the server, there were only three set rules: no stealing, no griefing, and no killing people. Except by that point, those rules weren’t enforced at all. In fact, Dream broke all three at once at one point, by killing George and burning his diamond armor because he didn’t feel it was fair that George got to run around in full diamond when everyone else still had iron.

Tommy joined the server, and broke the rules like everyone else. He stole shit, broke shit, killed George for funsies… and he got exiled for it. Seriously, they dumped him in an empty snowfield for breaking rules that nobody had enforced for weeks. So technically, the Exile-arc isn’t even the first time something like this has happened to him!

During the events that would eventually spark the Disc War, Sapnap stole a bunch of Tommy’s items (including the only Netherite chestplate on the server at the time), and told him he’d only give the stuff back if Tommy helped him with a conflict he had with Ponk. Long story short, Dream tried to intervene and was killed by Tommy and Sapnap, and Dream stole Tommy’s discs to force him to apologize. He then kept the discs, and the Disc War followed. Sapnap, despite being the aggressor and arguably forcing Tommy to participate in the conflict, was never punished.

This proves not only that the rules can change whenever Dream feels like it, but that they’re arbitrarily enforced. Dream refuses to punish his friends for the same crimes he endlessly fucks over Tommy for.

L’Manburg was created in part because of the fact that the rules were unevenly enforced. Tommy, Wilbur, and later Tubbo were repeatedly killed, stolen from, imprisoned, and even held hostage for very minor crimes, while the people killing, imprisoning, kidnapping and stealing from them were able to do so without impunity.

This was also the point where Dream just started making up new rules; there was no rule against having governments on the server, or making a separate area where Dream’s rules wouldn’t apply, so Dream banned governments, and used this new rule as an excuse to kill them, take their items, and tear their land to shreds.

And that’s another thing: the punishments for breaking Dream’s rules are INCREDIBLY harsh.

Kill him non-canonically one time? Your most prized possessions will now be dangled over your head and used to hurt you for the next few months.

Make a country with different laws that doesn’t infringe on anyone’s territory, has no desire to expand, is explicitly pacifistic and open to trade negotiations? You’ll be forced to fight a war you’re in no way equipped to fight, you’ll be betrayed and murdered and have your land destroyed in front of your very eyes until you literally have no choice but to surrender.

Mildly vandalize the king’s house, which nobody else has ever been punished for? You’ll be dragged into court, exiled from your home, and subjected to weeks of abuse until you believe that all of your friends hate you and you actively want to kill yourself.

Hide some stuff in a secret chest? Your only shelter will be exploded, your pet/only food source will be killed, all your items will be destroyed, you’ll be banned from the Nether, and none of your friends will be allowed to come see you.

This is all such disproportionate retribution it’s ridiculous. It’s like punishing someone for speeding by blowing up their car with a ballistic missile.

So to sum up: Dream’s rules are arbitrarily enforced, and he can just straight up make them up on the spot if he feels like it. Sometimes, he won’t tell you a rule exists until you’ve already broken it, and you’re treated as if you broke it out of malice instead of genuine ignorance. And if you do break a rule, and he decides you have to be punished, it will always be a punishment so harsh it doesn’t even ATTEMPT to fit the crime.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty fucking corrupt and tyrannical to me.

When people say Tommy deserved exile, or made Dream spiral into villainy, or abused Dream somehow (seriously I’ve seen this take multiple times and every time it makes my brain melt) by breaking the rules, I would invite them to take a step back and ask themselves, why did that rule exist? Did Tommy know it existed? Was it enforced for everyone other than him as well? Does the punishment fit the crime?

Dream has a bad habit of making up rules, or enforcing old ones that were never enforced before, to punish those who threaten his power. None of the Dream Team were ever punished for anything, despite committing the same crimes as the L’Manburgians. That is, until they founded Mexican L’Manburg (i.e. went against Dream’s rule), at which point they were attacked by Dream and George was dethroned for “not being neutral enough.”

Tommy should’ve faced consequences for what he did. But those consequences should’ve come naturally, and been carried out by the people he hurt. Like, if Dream hadn’t intervened, griefing George’s house would’ve resulted in George griefing Tommy back in revenge. In fact, he DID do that, by turning Tommy’s entire house into granite and putting the Jump In The Cadillac picture on his front lawn.

These are natural, proportionate consequences. Exile was none of that. The Disc War was none of that. Everything that happened to L’Manburg was none of that.

Dream’s rules and how he enforces them are inherently corrupt and tyrannical. To pretend it’s anything but is disingenuous at best.

#dream smp #dsmp #dsmp analysis #c!dream #c!tommy #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #i had a COMPLETELY different point that i wanted to make but then i thought about it and went w a i t #uhhh if you wanna hear my original point lemme know i guess #anyway c!dream is such an interesting character! i hate him! #little green bastard man #c!dream critical

[nightowlfandom]

Possesive! Jeon Jungkook- Only Mine....

HEY GUYS!

SO ANON ASKS

Your new promp list had me 🥵🥵🥵 if it’s ok can I request numbers 1, 3, 34, 79 with jealous best friend JJK snapping after seeing you around boys all the time? You can choose if you want it noncon or dubcon 🥵

OMG I GLAD YOU LIKE IT! OKAY LETS GET RIGHT TO IT! (Also since I don’t do non-con, I’ll make it consensual. Just a heads up)

1- Look at me when I fuck you!

3- I said FUCKING BEG!

34- I feel like the angrier you get at me, the harder I fuck you.

79- Stay the night with me…I don’t care if it will ruin our friendship.

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

LEGGO!

...

“Kookie!” You ran up to your bestie as he walked out of the airport terminal.

“Y/N!” he practically dropped his duffel bag as he wrapped his arms around your wait. He hoisted you off the ground. He buried his head in the crook of your neck. “My Y/N, I missed you.”

“I missed you more.” you laughed as he tightened his arms around you.

“And I get you all to myself- he began.

“Y/N!” you heard an onslaught of voices. Taehyung, Hoseok, Seokjin and the other guys all crowded around you. You were pulled out of Jungkook’s hug into Namjoon.

“Guys!” you smiled. “I missed you all too!”

“Damn, you should’ve seen Jungkook! He bolted out of the plane!” Hoseok laughed.

“Maybe because I wanted to see my Y/N.” he grumbled in reply. “Give her back!”

“No way!” Yoongi scoffed. “You can have her back after we get dinner.”

Jungkook glared as his friends. How dare they just take you from him?! 

“You guys!” you laughed. “We’re making a scene!” you said as their fans caught sights of you. They all seemed infuriated. “You’re fans are gonna-”

“Our fans aren’t gonna do shit.” Jungkook glared into the crowd. “Let them try.” he seethed. He snatched you back into his embrace. “I’ll protect you, love.”

You nodded shyly as Kookie led you to the front of the airport.

...

“Okay weirdos! Dinner is served!” you held the giant box of takeout. “Noodles for Yoongi, Taehyung! Rice Cakes for Seokjin, Namjoon and Hobi. For Jimin, some Extra Spicy Tofu Stew. and For Jungkook and I, fried rice!” you put the box on the coffee table.

Jungkook smirked, of course he went out of his way to make sure no one ordered the same thing as you. He made sure you had ordered last so he could order the same thing. 

“Shit, they gave me way too much Bulgogi.” Namjoon seethed. “Y/N, wanna split with me? I don’t think I’ll be able to eat all of this.” Namjoon looked at you who had already settled. 

“Oh. Sure!” you smiled. 

Namjoon shot Jungkook a mean spirited smile. “In your face, asshole.” he said with his eyes, even though the words never escaped his lips

DAMNIT! Jungkook felt his fist clench. He rolled his eyes. “Hey! Y/N! Pass me a napkin will ya?”

“Oh. yeah.” you threw a napkin his way before resuming your conversation with Yoongi. 

Jungkook watched as Yoongi traced his fingers on your wrists as he spoke to you.  His face hardened into a glare. Everyone knew he liked you, but until he made his move they wouldn’t care. 

...

To say he was pissed was an understatement. He was practically steaming at the ears.

“Why were you with Hoseok?” he asks as he stormed through his room door, a hand tightly wrapped around your wrist. Surprising but not painful.

“He needed help shopping for an outfit for a photoshoot?” you raised a brow. “Why?”

“Don’t bullshit me! You were on a date!”

“Okay first of all even if I was, what business of yours is that?” you crossed your arms. “You’ve been acting pretty weird these past few days and I don’t like it!”

“I DON’T LIKE YOU PARADING YOURSELF AROUND LIKE A-”

“I dare you to fucking finish that sentence.” you warned. “You can forget you had a friend if you do.” You backed towards the door.

Jungkook grew more and more agitated. “Y/N I’m sorry.” he ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Why are you acting so weird?” you sighed. “Do you not like me anymore?”

“No!!” he looked at you as if you had lost your mind. “Y/N I LOVE YOU!” he blurted out. “I’ve loved you for five fucking years ever since we met!!” he spilled his heart out. “and y-you’re putting me in an uncomfortable position!”

“Huh?” you could barely register what he said before he stormed up and captured your mouth is a kiss. 

‘Kookie!” you were surprised to say the least. “You just- Hmm.” he didn’t give you time to talk as he kissed you again, wrapping his arms tightly around you. He ran his fingers down your spine, holding you close.

You would have been over cloud nine...if you weren’t so angry.

“WAIT A MINUTE.” you forced yourself to step back from him. “FIVE YEARS?” you exploded. “FIVE FUCKING YEARS AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME! YOU LET ME BELIEVE YOU ONLY SAW ME AS A FRIEND FOR FIVE MISERY FILLED-...”you began pacing back and forth as you lashed out on your friend.

Jungkook just watched as you drug him for filth, calling him every name in the book.

“YOU ASSHOLE! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO HIDE MY FEELINGS AND YOU JUST COME OUT THE WATER AND TELL ME THAT- OH YOU PEICE OF-” Jungkook finally had enough and cornered you against the nearest wall.

“...I feel like... I feel like the angrier you get at me, the harder I fuck you. “ he mused aloud. “You’re in love with me? And you didn’t tell me?” he raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that somethin-”

"I am still mad at you.” you sneered. “After tonight you are dead to me.”

“Am I ?” he cooed. “So you don’t want me to...” he began fumbling with your jeans, unfastening the button with one hand. 

“What are you doing?” your eyes widened. You were now more shocked that angry. “Don’t you dare-...” you felt the pads of his fingers along the line of your clothed slit. 

“What? Was that a moan I just heard?” he smirked. “Come on Y/N I know you can be louder than that. Maybe if you beg enough, I’ll make you cum.” he creeped into the waistband of your panties. “Come on...beg me honey.”

“I refuse.” you looked away. “Y-you can go fu-fuuuhh-” you felt the pads of his fingers. 

“I said fucking beg.” he sneered, pressing his body up against yours. “Stop being so damn stubborn. Let me hear those sounds you think nobody hears when you finger yourself in the bathrooms at midnight.”

“How did you-”

“You stink at being quiet.” he bit his lip. “Come on.” he spoke in a babyish voice, rubbing your clit. “This is how you do it to yourself, right?”

“J-jungkook.” you whimpered. “W-what are you-”you cut yourself off as you felt his fingers slip into your wetness. A loud moan erupted from your lungs. 

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s fucking it.” he growled. “Moan like that some more.” he slowly thrust his fingers in and out of you. “Are you thinking about me when you thrust those pretty fingers into that-”

“Don’t say it! That’s a dirty word!” you warned, while ironically mewling like a little kitty cat.

“Don’t say what? That pussy? That cunt? That soaking wet womanhood you got down there. The same pussy that’s asking me to shove my dick in there?” he smirked as he spoke.

“You d-dick!” you leaned forward, your head falling on his shoulder. “S-such as asshole.”

“  Look at me when I fuck you with my fingers.” he demanded. “Or I’ll stop completely.”

You shyly lifted you head. Jungkook thought you were so adorable and truth be told he wouldn’t have stopped. To know that you obeyed anyways was so relieving. 

“Shit, I needa taste you real quick.” he moved his fingers from you and yanked down your jeans. “Kick those off for me.”

You instantly obeyed, throwing your jeans and panties off to the side. He lowered himself to his knees. “Shit, look at that.” he wasted no time in driving his tongue into you.

“Hey Jungkook!” there was a knock on the door. Jungkook had pushed you against the door, stopping anyone from opening it. You heard Jimin’s voice.

You glared down at Jungkook with warning. You knew what was gonna happen, but you were scared anyways. 

“Hmmm!” he moaned loudly, driving his tongue deeper into your slit. He sucked at your clit, causing a loud cry to escape you. 

“Umm is Y/N in there with you?” he called. “IS SHE HURT?!”

You tried to talk, but Jungkook had hooked your leg over his shoulder. “Come on, answer him.”

“I-I’m okay!” you found it in yourself to talk. “I’m just...a little busy!” you clenched your fist to focus on something, anything else. “Doing things!”

“Like what?”

“LIKE BEING FUCKED BY ME!” Jungkook yelled back as he rose to his feet, pants dropping around his ankles. He hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. You felt his cock slip into your heat. “COME BACK LATER!”

He didn’t wait for an answer as he carried you to the bed, setting you down along with himself. He slowly thrust himself into your wetness. “Damnit Y/N.” he seethed, sucking in a harsh intake of air. “Shit.” his jaw went slack.

“F-fuck.” you whimpered. “Kookie.” you whimpered. 

“Y/N.” you could see the tears of pleasure forming in his eyes. “You feel so- So fucking good. Look at me, p-please?”

You didn’t tear your eyes away from him. You found it hard to. “Jungkook! I- Uh..” you were now a load, crumbling mess.

“I want to kiss you, come here.” he grabbed either side of your face and gave you a slopped kiss, shoving his tongue into your mouth instantly. “Y/N, I’m gonna cum. But I don’t want to until you cum first. So I’m gonna go faster okay?” His eyes bore into yours, noses touching.

You shyly nodded, feeling his thrusts increase. You were hella sensitive, and in love with it. “Jungkook.” you moaned. “It feels-”

“I know.” he kissed you again. “Fuck, cum for me...cum for me please~” he mewled through thrusts.

He didn’t have to tell you twice. A string of curses he had never heard before along with his name spilled from your lips. Jungkook was next to cum, yanking himself from you. He spilled his cum practically all over the place. He collapsed next to you, leaving you both to stare at the ceiling.

“...I should go.”

“ No...Stay the night with me…I don’t care if it will ruin our friendship.“ he breathed out. “Y/N...I-..I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“You should be.” your breath hitched. “Probably would have gotten this out of the way a lot sooner.”

Your grumpy words made him laugh a little. He lazily threw an arm around you and pulled you towards him. “I love you, for real.”

“Promise?”

“Of course. You’re mine. Only mine...”

...

I STILL GOT IT BITCHESSSS

#kpop imagines #namjoon smut #jimin smut #jungkook smut #seokjin smut #taehyung smut #yoongi smut #hoseok smut #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts au #bts smut #imagines #smut #namjoon imagines #taehyung imagines #yoongi imagines #seokjin imagines #hoseok imagines #jimin imagines #jungkook imagines #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook imagines #jungkook x reader #possesive jungkook #daddy jungkook #jungkook au

[raineydays411]

Mission In Progress

Steve Rogers x daughter!reader

Summary: Steve realizes that his past behavior may have cost him the love of his daughter.

A/n: Hello! This is the second part to my Steve Rogers series! I hope you like it and also I hope y’all get the little references I put in these lol💕

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean Natasha taught you?”

Oh shit.

That was the collective thought between you, Nat, Clint, and Tony. It was well known among the team that Steve didn’t want his daughter learning ANY form of self defense, but those four thought that was ridiculous. She was Captain America's daughter, she definitely would need to fight off an enemy sooner or later.

“well...nat taught me the basics on how to defend myself, she said it would come in handy someday.” You say quietly, picking the thread on your sleeve rather than looking at your father.

“Romanoff, you taught her how to fight?” Steve said, fury bleeding into his eyes. “I made it perfectly clear--”

“Steve, its unreasonable for her not to know how to fight, she's the daughter of one of the worlds greatest defenders. If she doesn’t fight, she’s dead.”, Natasha said bluntly, staring Steve in the face as the other Avengers grew uncomfortable.

“She’s perfectly fine, it’s not like she leaves the Tower anyway.”

“Because if she did, you’d have someone follow her. It’s creepy, man”  Tony butts in with a roll of his eyes. By now both Bruce and Thor had silently left the room, as both of them would be useless in this conversation.

“Oh, so Tony Stark is gonna teach me how to raise a kid? Isn’t that ironic.”

“It’s not like you’re doing any better on your own. All Y/n does is stay in her room and write in that book of hers, she doesn’t even talk to people her own age.”

“It’s safer that way and you all know it” Steve snaps, refusing to even look your way. “ I set those rules for a reason, and I don’t appreciate my team mate or friends going behind my back and breaking them.”

“Look, Steve we love you, but the way you’re going about this whole parenting situation is completely wrong.” Clint finally says. “ I get that you were thrusted into this role, we all do. But man, you can protect Y/n from everything and it’s not healthy for her to be locked away in the tower like--”

“Like some modern day Rapunzel” 

“Thank you, Tony.”

“You all know the reason why she’s not allowed to leave. Its just safer that way.” Steve says, expecting the conversation to be over. “ Now, we’ll talk about this when we get back to --”

“You don’t lock me away for my protection” You say looking up with a determined face. Steve, obviously stunned you called him out like that turned to you and said

“ Excuse me?” 

“ It was never about me. If you wanted me to be safe, you would have taught me how to defend myself as soon as you could. You would have told the world about me, just to make sure everyone knows not to mess with me.” You say, your brow furrowed. “ You say its for safety, but who’s safety is it really for?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Steve says in a low, slow tone. 

“Everytime I come in a room, you tense up like I’m going to attack you.” You start to say, realizing that once you reveal what you noticed, things will never be the same. “ You monitor everything I do. You never allow me to be alone. You don’t talk to be about missions and don’t allow anyone else to.” You stand up off the couch. “ You refuse to acknowledge my mother, and won’t even let read the journal she left me.”

“That’s enough Y/n”

“No!” You shout. “ It’s not fair I don’t understand why you treat me like this.” Steve looks at you in surprise. 

“ Y/n, you don’t understand.”

“ I do. You don’t trust me.” You finally say. “ You haven’t from day one, and I don’t know why. It's not like a six year old is a Hydra agent by disguise.” 

Hearing this Steve freezes. He knows that all this surveillance was unnecessary. And deep down he knew that you could never hurt not even a fly. but that tiny voice in his head got the best of him. And even though he grew to love you more than he’d like to admit, the thought of you being am enemy scared him. 

“ You are a threat.” Steve says stubbornly. “ You came out of nowhere, with nothing but a note in the middle of the night. Your mother is nowhere to be found, and I have no idea who to even look for. You look nothing like me and defiantly don’t act like me.” 

Hearing these words is like a knife being repeatedly stabbed in your heart. It’s one thing to think that your dad doesn’t love you, it's another to hear them directly from his mouth. 

“ I have done nothing for you to treat me like this. I have done nothing to lose your trust. I didn’t ask for my mother to leave me here with you. It’s not my fault.” You say, tears starting to well up in your eyes. “ That robot asked me to go with him you know?”

The whole room freezes. You never mentioned that when Clint picked you up from the Tower.

“ He asked me to go with him, because he said I had no one. I had nothing to loose. And now” You let tears run down your face. “ Now that I know he’s right, I still wouldn’t go with him. Because I would NEVER want someone to get hurt because of me.” And with that you pushed past the group of superheros and ran outside. You didn’t know where you were going, but you had to get out of that house.

You walk into town and into a bookshop that was surprisingly open at this hour. The clerk looked at you in annoyance as you wandered the isles quietly. Picking up a copy of Romeo and Juliet, you walk toward the counter to pay.

“Tch, Romeo and Juliet?” The cashier says

“What about it?” you ask, puzzled that he cared enough to mention it. 

“Nothing if you’re thirteen and never had a boyfriend.”

“Oh really?” You say, eyes lighting up at the chance to talk to someone your own age without the gaze of an agent boring into your back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, there was a tense silence in the house. Steve left with the words you told him rattling in his brain. 

“You know, Y/n always used to come to me for help picking out the perfect father's day gift for you.” Clint said breaking the silence in the room. “ She insisted we wake up hours before you to go to the shops just to surprise you. She loved wrapping the gift and the thought of making you happy.” He smiled bitterly. “ I loved every second of it, watching her reminded me of my own family. It broke my heart to see her little face deflate when you barely acknowledged the gift and treated it like it was a bomb or something.” He shakes his head and walks out. Natasha follows him and says ‘ Its late, it's not safe for her to be out there alone, I’m going to look for her.”. Then she’s gone. Leaving only Tony and Steve in the living room. It’s quiet for a few minutes. They can hear Clint playing with his children, Lila laughing as Cooper and Clint chase her. 

“ You know, all my life I had to wonder if my dad loved me too.” Tony said suddenly. “ I guess that’s why I got along with Y/n so well.”

Steve sat on the couch and sighed. “ I guess I could’ve approached this differently.”

“That's your problem Rogers, you treat her like a mission. She’s a kid. Even I know that you can’t raise a kid that way.”

Steve exhaled through his nose. “So, what do you think I should do?”  

Tony rolled his eyes again.” Well for one, you can go look for your fourteen year old daughter who ran out in the middle of the night in an area she doesn’t know.”

Steve's eyes widened and he shot up, “ Shit, I- I have to go find her.” and with that he ran out of the living room, leaving Tony alone as he heard him shout 

“Language!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It didn’t take long for Steve to get into town. The only problem he really faced was figuring out where you might be. Almost everything was closed except for a liquor store and some bars. He started to panic, as he started to think about the possibility of you being hurt or kidnapped or--

“Hey bomb pop, over here” someone whispers

Steve looks around to see Natasha standing in front of a bookshop. He jogs up to her and asks

“Nat what are you--” “SHHH, look” she points into the window.

At first Steve didn’t know what he was looking at. All he saw was two kids flirting on some bean bags. But then he looked closer and realized that was his kid flirting on some bean bags. He got ready to burst in there and drag her out, which surprised him.

“What are you doing” Natasha harshly whispered, “This is the first time in years y/n has talked to someone her age, and I will NOT let you ruin it.”

“But does it have to be a boy” Steve whines, then he shrinks back as Nat glares at him. 

“You have no right to play protective daddy right now, you--”

“Dad? Nat? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been about an hour since you started talking to Levi, the cashier. Even though he insulted your book choice

“It’s a play about two bratty kids who think they’re in love and then kill themselves, its pathetic”

He’s interesting. He has this harsh exterior that is refreshing to you. You liked that he didn’t handle you with kids gloves like the rest of the Avengers did. He let you stay behind after closing as long as you helped him clean, but you didn’t last long because apparently you “cleaned like a blind person with no hands” whatever that means. After cleaning you two sat and talked about music and his friends. It was nice. That was until you felt eyes on you.

Looking out the window you noticed two figures staring at you. One petite red head and a tall blonde to be more specific. Rolling your eyes, you say goodbye to Levi and thank him for one of the best nights you’ve had in a while. As you left he did something that surprised you.

“Hey brat, here’s my number.” He says as he gives you an old receipt, “ Don’t expect me to text you all night, I have a life too.” 

You just smile and say thank you, blushing as you realize this was your first friend in years. You put the number in your pocket and walk outside. 

“Dad? Nat?” You ask, cutting their little squabbling short. “What are you two doing here?” 

Nat and Steve stand up straight. 

“It was getting late and I was worried so I came to find you” Natasha said, “ But it seems to me that you were quite alright in there” She finishes with a smirk. You blush as you try to think of a retort. Before you say anything, you hear your dad clear his throat. You roll your eyes.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t getting intel on how to kill you or whatever you think what will happen if i make friends.” You again push past the two avengers, your good mood spoiled as you walk away. You hear some harsh whispering then your name is called. 

“Y/n” your father calls, “I think we need to talk.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @angeldreineedshelp @night-thinqer @ilyimagines @vxidsti1es @big-galaxy-chaos

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #steve rogers x daughter!reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark x teen!reader #natasha romanoff #marvel x reader #marvel #avengers x teen!reader #poc reader

[saturnsstufff]

If your requests are open, could you maybe do a C!Techno x Reader? Like, the Butcher Army is there for Techno and Phil wasn't able to give him a\such an early head's up so he's not really prepared, and Quackity has the reader hostage when they show, cause maybe they were outside doing something... You don't have to, of course! -Sugar Anon (may I claim this Anon?)

Ooh! Most definitely! And of course you can claim it your my first anon!🖤

Warnings: Blood, swearing

Techno was a pretty well known man, lets face it. Maybe not in the way you hoped, and in this instance you mean he was wanted.

But you were not awhere of that because you lived with him out in the chilly Tundra. Phil would usally bring you two the new updates and anything you should be aware of. So when he didnt show for his morning tea you were a but skeptical to say the least. But techno had casually shrugged his shoulders, waving it off that he had gotten busy. This was true. Phil was a awfully busy man, he never seemed to stop moving, building, or exploring. So you joined techno on his assumption.

Techno was casually brewing potions that afternoon. Not a uncommon occurance to say the least. You had grown accustomed to seeing the towering man working over his bottles. His large but gentle hands gracefully, and carefully manuvering the glasses to where he pleased.

"Techno love? Im going to go trade these books nearby ok?" You mentioned as you took your cloak. Slipping it on so you could contain your warm. Techno hummed in agreement. Since you were so far from L'amanburg he didn't really mind you walking freely to the nearby village. He actually viewed your common trips as a large help.

"I have seven emeralds in that chest over there, could you see if any of them are willing to trade for a mending book?" He asked well he looked up to you. His reading glasses resting on his nose. You smiled brightly and nodded.

"Of course!" Anything you could do to help you were down to do. L'amanburg wasn't aware Techno had a lover, mostly because Techno didn't want you getting pulled into his rather volient affairs. He viewed them as his battles. Not battles that you had to fight.

Well collecting the gems into your basket he spoke up again, his hand coming to the small of your back. "Take Carl ok? I can't have my princess walking like the peasants do" he said bemused. Pressing a gentle but loving kiss to your forhead.

You leaned into him, enjoying the physical affection he gave you. Techno wasn't one to voice his love Rather, instead he would gift you, or make physical actions twords showing you how much he cared.

You walked out and hopped onto Carl the sturdy, and loyal steed waiting for the new adventure he would be taking. Edging your heels into him you began to head for the forest.

After a while of riding through the woods you began to grow weary. You felt like you were being watched. You were not a Hybrid like Techno so you couldnt smell or hear any abnormalities. But you just knew somthing was off. It was a harsh mental debate on whether to turn around or continue. Ultimately you decided it was best to just turn around. For how on edge you were you figured that telling Techno, and him laughing at you was better than lingering outside anymore.

You pulled the reigins, signaling for Carl to turn, however when you did, someone had jumped onto Carl behind you. Grabbing you tightly to prevent your flailing. You couldnt help the blood curdling scream you let out before your mouth was covered by a hand. You were panicking. You couldnt see your attacker but very well felt them behind you.

"Im gonna make you a deal. Your going to take us back to that nice cottage of yours, or I'll paint your blood all over the snow" the voice sneered next to your ear. "Im going to remove my hand. If you so as utter a word I wont hesatate to get rid of you. Am I clear?" The voice was slow, but threatening. They meant what they said. You could only nod slowly as he removed his hand from your mouth. "In case you get a wild burst of courage... I'll just leave this here" he had taken his sword out. Lingering it by your neck. You didn't know what else to do, so you just took the reigins and slwoly started back home.

When you got to Technoblade's Cottage you were forced off of Carl, the snow did little in softening your fall. You looked up praying thag techno herd some commotion.

"Technoblade get your ass out here!" The man Yelled, you looked up to him. He had black hair poking out from his beanie. Underneath his armor was a bloody a apron. All, in all, not someone you wanted to be around.

When the door opened you called out for Techno. Trying to make a run for him. But instead you were only grabbed by your ankle and dragged back to the raven haired man. The sword he held finding it's way to your neck.

"Let her go Quackity." Techno's eyes were narrowed and calculated. He wasn't pleased by any means for how Quackity was manhandling you.

"You think I'm going to listen to you? Your fucking delusional. Heres whats going to happen Techno. Your going to come with us. Or I'll kill her and give your front lawn a nice new red decoration." You whimpered. All you wanted was Techno. You wanted to be in his arms, you didn't like how This 'Quackity' man was talking or handling you.

"Your going to let her go first." Techno stepped closer. His hand drawing his blade. You could see Techno's breathing. He was angry, and so were the voices.

"I wouldn't step any closer." The blade pressed in more. Your hand coming up to try and push the blade away. "Your going to drop your blade and walk up to fundy to get handcuffed. Then I'll let her go." You watched as Techno weighed his options. In the end he did drop his blade. He valued your life above everything. Once his hands were tied securely, you were let free. The first thing you did was run to techno. Hugging onto him for dear life.

"(Y/n) listen to me. Your going to go into the house and wait for Philza. Ok?" You looked up at him with pain in your eyes, shaking your head.

"No! Im not letting you go alone!" You started to tear. You didnt know where they were taking him. But you knew it wasn't good.

"(Y/n) I said go in the house. I will be fine.." He manuvered his head to wrap around yours since his arms couldn't. "I don't want you involved ok?..." his tone was gentle, trying to ease your haywire nerves.

"Techno please let me come.." Your eyes begged, but he didnt budge. Quackity only took and shoved Techno further.

"Wait in the House!" Was the final thing he said as he was forced over the Hill.

Waiting for his return had you beyond restless. You could only look from the clock back to the fire. The raging 'What if's running through your brain. It was extremely late before techno had returned back home.

When he opened the door you rushed over to him. Almost tripping over your own feet. To feel him in your arms was the one thing you needed to calm your nerves. You gripped onto him for dear life. His arms gently wrapped around you. Rubbing a ligjt circle into your back.

"Thank god your home" you said. Your face buried into his chest. The lingering sent of dynamite and the iron smell of blood on his clothes. "I was so worried about you..." you felt his hand move to the underside of your thighs. Lifting you up into his arms so he could move inside.

"Come now princess... You didnt really think I would let anything happen to myself, now would you?" He mused. His eyes soft as he looked up into yours.

"I.. I mean" You looked down at him, the bit of worry still remaining. He sat down on his sofa. Leaning back into it as he looked up at you.

"Baby girl, you know Technoblade never dies" He said cocking a eyebrow up as his face went smug. You only smiled a little at that. Moving to rest your head in his neck.

"I still worried..." you said gently. Relaxing into his chest. Glad to see him home safely.

"I know princess... I know" He knew he would have to tell you about the execution. But for now he knew you were distraught. He may have been poor at comforting, but he knew right now the best thing was for you to just lay in his arms at peace. Let you try and forget what Quackity had probably etched into your memory for months to come. Because Quackity was only the start now. Now everyone knew, Techno had someone he truly loved.

#dream smp #dreamsmp x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #mcyt x reader #minecraft #minecraft fanfiction #minecraft x you #techno x reader #mcyt #technoblade x you #technoblade x reader #technoblade #tb

[outforawalkb1tch]

How to Adult from a neurodiverse perspective. Some tips might also be helpful for anyone with mental illness that makes adulting harder.

It's going to be hard but try to stick to a certain area when cleaning instead zip zooming around doing things here and there. It's going to be a lot more satisfying to have one thing done fully then multiple things partially done.

Go to an area in your home and put away x many things that are in the wrong area.

If I'm having an especially hard time staying on one task I'll either tell myself ok I'm gonna wash the dishes (or whatever task it is for you) for x many more minutes or x many songs before I take a short break.

I try my best to make cleaning tasks more game like like I'm not just picking up dirty laundry off the floor into the basket I'm playing laundry basket ball! Making little games like this for cleaning will help make cleaning fun and something you want to do.

Make sure your breaks are actually short put a timer on your phone if you need to.

If you can't take a shower or bath for whatever reason get two washcloths. Get one washcloth wet and soapy, wash yourself. Get the other washcloth just wet and go over yourself again. I would do this a lot coming home super late from visiting family and my mom would call this a rag bath.

Try your best to fold your clothes out of the dryer to avoid wrinkles so that no matter what your wearing you'll look better put together.

If you struggle with this I suggest getting a clothes steamer its like an iron except theres no ironing board to set up and all that jazz that comes with a regular iron. Just fill this baby up with water and use on your clothes while they're hanging and watch the wrinkles go away.

If your having a hard time washing your clothes all together get a fabric fabreze and spray it on your clothes. This isn't a replacement for washing them but it certainly helps the smell if you're stuggling to get your laundry done. Make sure its fabric though regular fabreze won't help your clothes as well.

If you have delicates that your afraid the dryer might ruin let them air dry by hanging them on the shower curtain rack. Or if you have the room to do so invest in something like this:

Make your bed every day. This is just a good habbit to be in. Along with that make sure to freshen your sheets at least once every 2 months. Having more than one pair of sheets also helps with this because even if you can't get to washing your current sheets you could always just replace them with a different clean sheets and get around to cleaning the other sheets some other time.

Vitamins are great just generally but especially helpful if your sensory issues make it hard to eat certain healthy foods.

When making important phone calls make sure you already have a pen and paper so you can write down things you need to remember on the spot, instead of either scrambling for a pen and paper or thinking you'll remember then forget. Also sometimes it is good to have a bullet point list if you need to remember what exactly to say to this person istead of going uhhh umm and such.

When someone tells you an important date for something write it down right afterwards. Writing it right on the calendar were I can see it works better than using the calendar on my phone for myself as I usually forget about it until the day of if its just on my phone whereas if its on my paper calendar I see it a lot since I check my calendar a lot but this might be opposite for you so do whichever one works better

If you have long hair learn cute hairstyles other than just a messy bun. Its fun to switch it up from braids to pigtails to spacebuns or whatever. I'm putting this as a tip because I have long hair and whenever I am having a bad hair day, my hair is greasy or just do not have the energy to properly do my hair I would always opt for the messy bun. But you know what ? That gets boring and there's no age limit on braids or whatever no matter whatever other people state. Plus imo braids hide greasy hair better than buns.

Remember to clean your skin, but also being to harsh with rubbing your face with the cleaner or picking at your face can actually cause more problems! You want your face to not be too oily but also not too dry.

You can tell if your getting enough water by your pee color if its clear or really light yellow your doing good on keeping yourself hydrated if its yellow or darker you need some more water.

Contrary to popular belief/s coffee and cigarettes are not breakfast, and they cost as much as a real breakfast would. Please eat real food instead of bean and sugar soup and nicotine.

Make a budget, ask for help if needed as budget making can be kinda confusing, but make a budget and stick to it. This one has made my life so much better. Be the "crazy" coupon lady if you need to be to stick to it. Be a stickler with the lights and water if you need to be to stick to it.

Speaking of budget the dollar store and the generic grocery store version of things are your friends. The dollar store is a go to for kitchen stuff, cleaning stuff, snacks, some self grooming stuff, and even some of there frozen food and pantry food is pretty decent. They also have plenty of other stuff so honestly if I need anything I usually check there first before another store. Whatever they don't have that I need I can usually find a generic cheaper brand at the grocery store and most the time its absolutely no different than the big brands!

Buy clothes that fit NOW. Don't waste money on clothes that are smaller for inspiration for losing weight. (Or vice versa if you're trying to gain weight) Its important to have fashionable clothes that fit you at the weight you are now because if you don't you'll be stuck in boring sweats and sad because of it. I know. I've been there.

#adhd tips #adhd stuff #adulting #cleaning #autistic #neurodivergent #life tips #adult tips #mental illness