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#sounds like a recipe for disaster tbh
gideonisms · 2 years
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do I want to date or do I want to split tasks with someone else and take turns doing each other favors until we die. Another question I have been asking myself lately
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narcissistcookbook · 1 year
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Hello! I found your music very recently via spotify autoplay and never before have I been so grateful for an algorithm. Your music is so cool and resonates so hard, thank you so much for it.
Also! Do you perhaps have a recipe for the vegetable curry that you start cognitive dissonance blues with? Cause curry that got someone through 2020 sounds like what I need right now tbh
my lockdown vegetable curry was a disaster, but here is the 'recipe'
1. chop and fry a couple of onions and some garlic
2. chop and roast a head of lightly seasoned and oiled broccoli until it looks tasty
3. go 'oooo yum' and eat roughly 1/4 of the broccoli
4. throw in the rest of the broccoli, a can of chopped tomatoes and a vegetable stock cube
5. heat it for a bit, add curry powder to taste
6. use a hand blender to whizz fuck oot it
7. maybe add a bit of sugar and more curry powder i dunno, also some garden peas
8. cook some rice (my failsafe rice recipe is below)
9. eat curry with rice
10. play divinity original sin 2 for 15 hours
🍚Flawless Rice! (serves two)🍚
lol emoji can italicised? 🙂 hahaha oh no
1. bring two cups of water to the boil with one vegetable stock cube in it
2. add in one cup of rice and stir it
3. reduce heat to a very low simmer and cover
4. timer for 11 minutes
5. perfect rice every time
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ok so like im super late to the party but i finally started bodies bodies bodies..... tbh i was kinda scared cause like "a movie abt gen z" sounds like a recipe for disaster but its actually really fun so far
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✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?
2800ft went really fast, but as wild as this sounds, for me in general, the entire process is so full of ups and does that it really comes down to scenes more than anything? but i think I'm working on the fic that's going to be my easiest, right now, because I plotted a recipe for disaster in one pathfinder session, it just came together so clearly and I'm really excited to get it written and out
That being said there are some scenes in Hands Off that were like, legit hard to write?? not in a "words are hard" way but in a "wow this may be a bit too real for me" sort of way? And some of that's my own fault for taking so many plot points from actual things that happened at my job. Like, the scene right after Han's death where the restaurant slowly learns what happened was supposed to be longer, but it actually happened and for some reason that made it harder to write about? Putting into words the feeling was more difficult than I anticipated so I cut it short.
And the scene at Maz's wasnT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SCENE. Like, if it doesn't make narrative sense to people, that's because he was supposed to go to pryde's and beg for a job but I so seriously could not write it, the idea made ME WRITING IT too anxious? Put a bit too much of myself in hux there and could not stomach it, so I had to scrap the scene and put something else there just to finish the fic.
(also no one asked but in 2013 I wrote a fic for swimming anime where I poured a lot of my ED angst and it was hard in a "wow ur brains FUCKED" sort of way, that was wild. I reread it recently and it's not bad for something i wrote in High school, tbh, I wrote wAY worse shit at the time.)
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classicschronicles · 1 year
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Hi lovelies,
I hope you’re all having a lovely week. The other day I couldn’t sleep (the joys of having crippling insomnia) and so I started deep diving into the chronology of Greek Heroes, and then I found out there are actual like, timelines (?) and generations to them, which I thought was so cool. One generation of said heroes were the “Seven Against Thebes” (which I remembered for no other reason other than the name was cool). And so todays post is about The Seven Against Thebes.
In Greek mythology the Seven Against Thebes were seven champions who were killed fighting against Thebes after the all of Oedipus, the king of the city. Two twins, Eteocles and Polyneices, who has been cursed by their father (Oedipus) failed to agree which one of them was to succeed to the Theban throne and decided to rule it on alternate years- which tbh sounds like a recipe for disaster. As Eteocles turn came first, Polyneices went to Argos, where he married the daughter of king Adrestus. Another daughter married Tydeus, son of the exiled king of Oeneus of Calydon. At the end of the year, Polyneices’ turn to be king of Thebes arrives.
Upon his return, Eteocles refused to give up the throne and Adrestus led an army against him. In his army the chieftains were Tydeus, Capaneus, Eteoclus, Hippomedon, Pathenopaeus, Amphiaraus, and Polyneices. Other shrouded count Adrestus as one of the Seven and omit Hippomedon or Polyneices.
During their assault of the city’s seven gates, Capaneus was struck by Zeus’ lightning bolt. Amphiarus was swallowed up by the earth. Polyneices and Eteocles killed each other (which fulfilled the curse Oedipus had placed upon them). The rest of the Seven were killed by guards at Thebes.
When the sons of the Seven, the Epigoni (or second gear nation), had grown to adulthood, Adrestus once again attacked the city and occupied it after the Thebans had evacuated over nought. He died at Megaera on the journey home after the siege.
The story of the Seven was a great favourite in antiquity. It was the subject for many great pieces of literature included the lost epic ‘Thebias’, Aeschylus’ tragedy ‘The Seven Against Thebes’, and also Euripides’ play ‘Phoenician Women’.
That was a pretty short one, but there isn’t really a whole lot of information of the heroic generations prior to the Trojan generation. However, I did find this topic really interesting and so I might do a timeline/ breakdown of each of the heroic generations. I hope you all enjoyed learning about the Seven Against Thebes, and that you have lovely rest of your week. <3
~Z
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alliluyevas · 2 years
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a) I think it is DEEPLY weird to invite your friend’s dogs to your wedding but not your literal nieces and nephews
b) this sounds like a recipe for disaster in general like I love dogs but I would not trust a bunch of dogs to not get into trouble at this wedding (and tbh I have a low opinion of a lot of owners’ ability to keep their dogs under control, though to be fair that’s probably also true of a lot of parents)
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ihatebnha · 2 years
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doja has a pretty estranged relationship w her dad. she says he wasn’t very involved and she was raised by her mom. i didn’t know doja liked a tweet that said that ab paraguayans but if she did it might’ve been out of frustration bc i remember bc of that whole situation there was a shit ton of ppl being racist to her n calling her slurs and being antisemitic. like i literally remember one of the paraguayan “fans” comparing her to hitler just bc she didn’t greet the ppl that camped out at her hotel which reeks of entitlement. the way ppl have these parasocial relationships with celebrities to the point they forget they are actual ppl with their own boundaries is v concerning 😟
i went on break so i was just reading about both things. her dad sounds like a nut tbh, i'm not surprised/don't blame her at all for not wanting anything to do with him.
anyway, this is getting kind of... heavy, so i don't want get too much into it because again, i'm no expert either... but i do sort of remember this, or at least the "i'm quitting part" (i didn't really pay attention outside of that)...
and it's unfortunate i think... because it's definitely not okay to like racist tweets just out of frustration, but at the same time, celebrity culture doesn't justify the racist abuse of her, either... so i'm torn between my understanding of the fact that her job must be taxing... and the thought that... frustration is sometimes the price.
it's hard to say without a full set of details, you know, what really went on and who's right or wrong (meaning, i understand your sympathy towards her, as well as the other side)... but either way, at it's core... i think it was just a full-on a recipe for disaster.
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genderhawk · 4 months
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I'm unsure what your taste is so I'm including a small summary by everything. the storygraph generally has all triggers listed in their system if you need any content heads up) Unsure if you want non fiction also but I threw a couple of my favorites on there . All of these I got on Libby or hoopla
Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix (Salem's Lot but Southern and with some very profound and insightful things about White Womanhood and public perception. Every female character is fleshed out and realistic)
I Lived On Butterfly Hill by Marjorie Agosin (A YA fictionalized memoir about a Chilean girl during Pinochet's regime) Sisters of the Lost Nation by Nick Medina (Thriller/Horror novel about an indigenous girl whose sister goes missing. One of the best things I have read this year) The Free People's Village by Sim Kern (Alternate history, what if Al Gore won the election? A fascinating look at how many of the problems we live with today are rooted deeper than simply someone else becoming president.) The Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker (Set in NYC at the turn of the century, it traces how two beings from two very different religious traditions got there and how they can find a place for themselves. On personhood, the question of fate/free will as it pertains to one's inner nature, and a legitimately emotional story) Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (Rumplestiltskin retelling with intricate worldbuilding and wonderful characters) Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle (Legitimately creepy but insightful look into heteronormativity as enforced by Evangelical upbringing. I love the way the author handles religion in general here) Lark Ascending by Silas House
(A tragedy with a happy ending. This book was one of the first things I read this year and it has stayed with me since. Cannot recommend it enough) Germinal by Emlie Zola
(One of Suzanne Collins' favorite books, it's the story of the 1890s miners strike in France.)
Soul Full of Coal Dust by Chris Hamby (A journalist's investigation into Black Lung and how it affects Appalachian communities as well as the legal fights to hold mining companies accountable for bucking safety practices and refusing to cover medical care. A harrowing read, but an important one.)
The Most They Ever Had, by Rick Bragg (Sister title to the above, this one covers the history of mill workers in the foothills of Appalachia) Black Reconstruction in America by W E B DuBois
(Long as fuck, and honestly probably best read in print, but if you have even the slightest interest in American history, this is a must read) Finally, the Unofficial Recipes of the Hunger Games, by RockRidge University Press. (Fandom Cookbooks often don't do it for me, but this cookbook is not only textually accurate but it tries the foods mentioned in the book to real-life equivalents or what ingredients may have been available as best they can and it's a legitimately engaging read with many great recipes)
You started out with one of my FAVORITE discovered authors this year, I read that + final girls support club AND how to sell a haunted house this year multiple times 10/10
If you liked that one you've gotta try Devolution by Max Brooks bc like.... Imagine if there was a Tesla village? With some big shoes to fill..... Told as if it were nonfiction post disaster
You might also like Uprising by Margaret Peterson Haddix which is a YA novel, historic fiction, about three teenage girls who work in and around a very specific shirtwaist factory in 1911
Everything else is stuff that's either new to me or has been only in the edges of my radar, but all sounds really cool.... I should try to snag camp Damascus tbh firstly and add the cook book to my wish list
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Curo: *screams*
Benny: *screams louder to assert dominance*
White Dwarf: Should we do something?
Barton, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.
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valleydean · 5 years
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On Falling
Deancas, word count: >1,000 Summary: He had fallen, further and faster than any angel before him.
Read on AO3.
First, there was Lucifer.
Castiel remembered it well, when Lucifer fell. When he betrayed God and forsook heaven. It started a war that raged for millennia, that put their Father’s creations in the middle of it, that led to words like devil and satan and evil. Evil. It’s what the other angels whispered; the word was like a weapon Castiel’s garrison used to justify the carnage. Lucifer was evil because he didn’t follow their Father’s orders. Castiel believed it, too.
But sometimes, he wondered what it was like to rebel. He would never find out. He would never fall.
Next, there was Gabriel.
He hadn’t been a part of Castiel’s garrison, but he was their leader, in a way. Their general. He had many garrisons under his command, and every century or so he would check in with Castiel’s flight. Castiel had admired his brother, his grace like a supernova and wings as wide as the galaxy. That was, of course, until Gabriel stopped checking in and Raphael took on his duties. There were rumors after that; they said Gabriel had left, had disappeared, had run away, had given into his doubts. It wasn’t an evil act, as Lucifer’s had been. After all, their Father had left, too. They’d be back. Eventually. There was no need to lose faith.
But they never did return, and Castiel did his best not to show that he, too, had doubts. He would never voice them. He would never fall.
Then, there was Anna.
She thought she had been doing it out of love of humanity, but she was wrong. How was she to know? Angels don’t love. It would be easy to mistake another emotion for it. Anna had ripped out her grace because she envied the humans. She envied their pain and joy, their fleeting lives and imagination. Their ability to dream. After she left, Castiel took her place as commander of the garrison. At first, he pretended like he didn’t think of her constantly, and that he didn’t envy her in return; and over time, he stopped thinking of her altogether. She’d abandoned them—him.
But, in truth, he understood. He knew what it was like to dream of something more. He would keep his longings to himself. He would never fall.
Balthazar came next.
For a long time, Castiel had assumed him dead, but his brother was alive. He, like Gabriel, had left heaven, but not because of doubt. He left for freedom. He did not allow his wings to be caged by an endless war or his grace to be shackled by duty. He wanted decadence, fun, to be his own man. He wanted to pick and choose from humanity’s world as if gorging himself at a buffet. He wanted to do what he desired, to go wherever he saw fit. He did not want heaven to choose for him.
Before Castiel ever knew any of this, he too had watched their charges on earth and marveled at their free will. He felt the tug of it at his center, right where a heart might be. But freedom was not for angels. He would never experience it. He would never fall.
Then, Uriel.
He had betrayed the host out of loyalty. In any other circumstance, that was a trait all angels needed to have. Loyalty and submission. However, Uriel bowed to another god. He believed Lucifer’s lies about the humans, in the angels’ superiority. He had given up on heaven’s plan, on divine will. He had let hatred overcome him; he turned his back on his family. He chose to fight against them.
By that time, Castiel had begun to question his own loyalties. Certain thoughts infested him with more frequency as of late. They weeded their way into his mind unannounced, and sometimes they felt like a revelation. Maybe there could be another to pledge his allegiance to. He thought, maybe, he was falling.
Later, Castiel had learned of Ishim’s crimes.
Like Anna, he thought he was doing it for love, but it was obsession. He let it rule him, let it decide his actions. His intentions were never pure, and he saw his emotions as a weakness. Castiel did not think that Ishim wanted such things to happen, but once an angel grew a heart, there was no going back. Castiel knew that now. He’d known it for years.
But, unlike Ishim, Castiel also knew love. He had fallen, further and faster than any angel before him. He had rebelled. He had trusted his doubts to the calloused hands of a hunter. He had dreamed that maybe something could grow between them. He had fought for freedom at his side. He had given his loyalties to that righteous man, and continues to do so every hour of every mortal day.
He is still falling, after all this time, as if he had perfected the act. He had fallen so unlike the others before him.
Castiel did not know if that was of his own doing, or if it was part of God’s plan. He did not know why all the rebel angels were so closely linked, many of them fighting alongside each other in the same garrison. Had they been put together on purpose, all the broken and fractured and damaged beings? Or had it been mere happenstance? Had they all fed off one another, whispering their ideas in subtleties and wordlessly strengthening each other’s wayward spirits? Had the idea started with one and trickled to the others like water in a brook? Or had they all been made with such wild free thought?
He did not know. It didn’t matter. He had fallen. He always had been, but one human had hastened his descent.
And now Castiel fell in other ways—into soft lips, into warm beds, into sheltering arms, into green eyes. Into love.
Castiel didn’t mind falling. He had something the others did not.
He had someone to catch him.
Read on AO3.
Tagged: @castiels-tight-grip @casthegrumpy @dr-sexy @skella-bro @casismybestfriend @malevolent-dean @jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets
Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future fics.
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apixrl · 3 years
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DRIVER'S LICENSE.
katsuki bakugou x fem! reader
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WARNING(S): angst. cheating. swearing because it's bakugou.
word count: 4.5k
song: drivers license // olivia rodrigo (i wonder why...)
note(s): so i captioned this *at the time of writing* 'hello and welcome to i've had the worst two weeks ever so i wrote a katsuki oneshot to cope' and it's probably one of my most personal pieces of writing tbh
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"-come Tuesday and we'll potentially see an end to this heavy downpour of rain. Temperatures will be on the rise to around-"
The talk on the radio cut short at the jab of your finger, heaving a great sigh which faded into the muffled pitter-patter of rain from outside. The streets had been showered with heavy downpours for the last week or so, no sign of sun or a still and restful day. Notwithstanding the miserable outdoors, the windscreen wipers on your car never ceased in their duty to grant you a clear view of the road ahead. And whilst you were grateful for their devotion, it didn't feel clear in the slightest. In fact, the road had never felt so blurry.
Shivering against the cold night chill and tucking your knees cosily to your chest, you eyed the raindrops on the windows. They raced against one another before they dripped down to your car's body, their glossy presence obvious thanks to the many hues of street lamps that surrounded them. You could have watched them for hours, being honest. Something about the droplets of water battling it out quite enticing. Anything to take you away from the cruel reality you were living in.
Your heart ached and yearned. But to no avail, the one you ached and yearned for didn't love you back.
Not anymore, at least.
Just the mere thought provoked a pulsating pang to resonate throughout your entire body. A pang filled with grief and sadness. Anger and hurt. You missed his sun-kissed face on the sunny mornings. You missed his eyes and how they gazed at you from across the room. You missed the smiles and laughter he would only show for you and you alone. The sense of glee and euphoria that came with that honour. Yet all of it was gone and there was no way you could get it back.
The memories of what had been triggered more waterworks. Hot, salty tears dug at the corners of your eyes and trickled down your face. Your motionless car concealed your cries and sobs. Every thrash against the wheel as you questioned to nobody in particular what went wrong and why. How you didn't see the signs sooner. What you could have done better. When he stopped loving you. If he ever planned to stop loving you. Whether it would have hurt more if you found out sooner.
All these questions with nothing to answer them.
Katsuki Bakugou had always fascinated you. From the very moment you met. You accompanied your friend on a double date, and he was the guy who she matched for you. Whilst he originally acted as though a blind date was the last place he wanted to be, underneath the aggression you could tell there was something much more genuine and true.
And your assumptions were correct. Truth be told, Katsuki Bakugou was one of the most genuine and truest people you had met (at the time). Once it was just the two of you, he allowed his true colours to unveil. Through the smallest of kind gestures that still haunted your mind to this day. Then upon confrontation, as you bid each other goodbye at your back door, his denial resulted in a flirtatious contest which then proceeded to an intimate night that changed your life forever. From there your mind was set.
He was the one.
Emphasis on was.
So blinded with a fairy tale love you grew so accustomed to, you never saw it coming. Never in your two-year relationship - that had so much strength and commitment built on top of it, never did you think that Katsuki Bakugou would throw it all out of the window like it was nothing. Disregard your loyalty and adoration for a drunken one night stand that slowly became an occasional hookup. Which soon became a mandatory pastime once a fortnight. Then twice. Maybe more than that. You wouldn't put it past him with what you knew now.
He kept it from you for nearly six months. Six months. The only reason you discovered his lies and deception was because you were let off early one night from work. You worked a night shift, see. Your last job had fallen to shambles, and it was temporary whilst you searched for a new one. And whilst that did take a toll on your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou, mostly finding time for intimacy since his working hours were during the day, none of that gave him any right to go and do what he did.
That wasn't one of the only reasons, you knew that for sure. There were other motives for his lack of loyalty. But you were never told. After you froze at the sight of another woman under his hold and stormed straight back to your car to flee. After he chased you down the flights of stairs in nothing but baggy pants into the streets of a twilight Musutafu. After you screamed into the darkness and belted your fists against his chest. Fists that were driven with rage and hurt and every emotion that burned like the hottest of fires and froze like the coldest of ice. He never even told you. He never made an effort to address it. Nor had he attempted to call or even try to visit your Mom's house - where you stayed as you searched for a permanent place to live. Just because you retreated for your car and cried that it was over, he never tried. But that didn't mean you weren't allowed an explanation. An apology. Something to give you a form of closure and a reason to move on. But you never did.
That wasn't even what hurt the most, either.
As silly as it was, the thing that hurt you the most was the very car you sat in.
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EIGHT MONTHS AGO . . .
The red glow of traffic lights hit Katsuki's vermilion irises as he stared dead ahead at the long line of vehicles, the ash-blond heaving a sigh into the air. His finger tapped impatiently against the steering wheel he gripped with one hand, the spare rested casually against your upper thigh affectionately.
"I can't believe we have to sit through this torture just to go to some damn party," Katsuki grumbled, taking a glance over at you. His brows furrowed when he met you peacefully slouched down, nose dug into your phone as you presumably played some sort of game to pass the time. Like you had no care in the world for your predicament.
"It's your best friend's birthday, love," You mused back, Katsuki surprised you even listened based on your focused expression directed towards your phone. "It's not like we can just miss it,"
"Yeah, but we could have missed all this pain by taking the train instead of driving across town during rush hour,"
"Trains are icky, the seats would have ruined your suit and my dress," You pointed out, looking at the blond over your screen, sending him a sweet smile. He cocked a brow, a smirk creeping its way onto his lips as a scoff of a laugh broke out between them.
"Right, and laying down like a sloth is gonna help keep your dress uncreased?" He returned, amused at your realisation. At his comment, you sat up faintly and pouted your lip.
"Driving means more time to play Gravity Pops, and so does traffic,"
"Seriously? That's the game you're playing? You're such a dumbass,"
"Yes! I'm in the top 11% globally! I need to get to number one!" Was your protest, your arms flailing ahead of you briefly for dramatic emphasis. Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, though the small smile plastered over his lips betrayed his initial reaction. Unable to deny your determination, he spoke with confidence and almost a sense of pride.
"Number one, hm? Clearly rubbing off on you aren't I?"
"In a way, yes,"
"That's my girl," Katsuki remarked, earning a giggle from you that was uplifting to hear. It was there your attention went back to your phone, but Katsuki wasn't done. "So, speaking of cars, Y/N," Hearing his chosen tone - which sounded suggestive, you eyed him closely. Hesitant to reply as you had a sense of what he planned to say.
"...Yes?"
"Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license yet?"
Called it.
"...No,"
"What?" Katsuki began, tilting his head. He was surprised that he felt surprised. You had said those words in regards to this topic countless times. Still, he persisted. "Is that a no meaning you haven't or no meaning that you don't want to?"
"Both?" You half-guessed, sheepishly grinning at the look you were sent. "Look, cars scare me okay? And so do roads. And people. My nerves wouldn't be able to handle it! I can barely communicate with people face to face, so me being on the road is a recipe for disaster!"
"I know but -," Katsuki exhaled sharply, understanding your reasoning. You had voiced these concerns when confiding to Katsuki about your fears of the road. Something built and corrupted from social media as well as phobias and fears in general, it was a battle you had yet to overcome. You wanted to drive but was terrified of messing up or causing chaos on the road. Potentially inflicting harm to someone and yourself. You still weren't sure what triggered it all, but over the years it had manifested into something quite irrational, to say the least. Katsuki had been supportive of it and whilst he truly would love to always act as your personal taxi - you couldn't hide from it forever. It wasn't his job to keep you in your comfort zone. That, and he couldn't always be there for you that way. What if he was miles away and you had somewhere urgent to go like the hospital? "It's not as scary as you think. I know it's hard to believe that but seriously. The freedom you get from driving is amazing,"
"I'll think about it a little longer, okay?" You said with hesitancy, looking at Katsuki for a sign of confirmation. He nodded in defeat, knowing you probably needed more time and felt put on the spot. So he averted his eyes back to the road to check if the traffic had moved at all. It had not.
"Okay," Katsuki said. "But I can't be your taxi service forever,"
"But I like you being my taxi service," You jokingly said, a little sadness in your tone. "Your road rage is funny and I like watching you get out of the car and walk to my door after pulling up in my driveway,"
"What do you mean?" Katsuki asked, catching the twitch of a smile on your face upon saying those words. It struck his interest in what you could mean.
"You know, like when you say you're coming to pick me up?" You explained. "You pull up at my driveway and I don't know... simple things like that just remind me of how much I love you. It's dumb really, but it's important to me,"
"Really?" Katsuki questioned in disbelief. How something so small and meaningless could mean so much was puzzling. He couldn't understand why it was so special to you. But that didn't invalidate it in any shape or form. So he pushed that aside, replacing his wonder with gratitude. He returned to your bashful and flustered features, feeling a smile grow on his face.
"Yeah," You said, shrugging to downplay your words. "I love you. Stuff like that means a lot to me,"
"I love you too, even though you're a dumbass," Katsuki said, humbled by what you had said. The two of you shared a gentle exchange, your hand grabbing hold of Katsuki's as you gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back, and silence ensued. Had he realised such a thing sooner, then Katsuki would have pulled up in your driveway much more than he had been doing. But at that a thought struck his mind, victoriously smirking as he had an idea on how to potentially sway your worries. Or begin swaying it. Something was better than nothing, after all. "But what if I wanted you to pull up in my driveway one day?" His words caused you to look over at him in curiosity, hearing the seriousness in the question. It caught you off guard momentarily, having to contemplate as you gradually concluded that he had a point.
"Well one day, maybe I will," You vaguely replied and sat up a little bit. The hand holding yours pulled back and lifted to land on your shoulder, gripping reassuringly tight.
"I hope you do, I'd like to get in on this driveway action," He joked and smirked, faith riddled in his expression. You giggled ever so slightly, tempted to lean forward and peck Katsuki on the lips in thanks, but never a thing was to happen as the alerting red light from outside switched to warm amber.
"Ah!" Katsuki yelled in triumph, his attention leaving you swiftly as he got back into the driver's seat. Giving you no opportunity to respond to him and overall ruining the moment. "Took fucking long enough!"
The light turned green, and he set the car in motion, leaving you with your thoughts and the words he had uttered that day as the traffic stood still.
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All your efforts, all your time devoted to getting over your fear of driving and the road as a whole... all of it was pointless. You did it for him. You promised him you would overcome your fears and better yourself. He built that motivation up brick by brick until you could grab hold and seize control. He wasted all that time to get you to reach such a stepping stone only to abandon it once it was through.
Just so you could pull up in his driveway, just like he requested. And what did you get in return when you finally did? A stab in the back and the loss of your other half.
You wiped your eyes via the sleeve of your hoodie, dampening the cuffs. Sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath, your gaze landed on nothing in particular. Yet somewhere within your clouded mind, you found interest. As that was where your gaze remained for a certain amount of time. You weren't sure how long exactly. It could have felt like an hour and only been five minutes. Or it could have felt like five minutes and was actually an entire hour. Either way, the clock ticked on and didn't wait for you to stop.
It was a good thing you had pushed your fears down and rose above them. It just pained you that you didn't even do it for yourself. Without Katsuki Bakugou, you never had any intentions of doing so. As a matter of fact, you had set out to take the train or bus for the rest of your life. Hell, you were going to use a bike and scooter if you got desperate. Had he even acknowledged how much work you put in just to get where you were? Was all that effort part of the reason why he decided to cheat? There was absolutely no telling. Absolutely no telling at all.
You wondered what he was doing now. Was he laid in bed resting peacefully? Out with his friends for a boy's night only? Maybe cooking his favourite curry? Possibly on a late-night jog despite the harsh weather? It never stopped him other times.
Did he ever think about you? Regret what he did and the actions he took? Had he ever considered apologising? Would he ever apologise? What if he was celebrating the fact you were no longer in his life? Had there ever been any love there for you in the start? Did he ever actually want you to get your driver's license because he believed in you? Or was it so he could get rid of you with much more ease? Make his departure less severe and less selfish? A way to justify his choices because it's not like you were hopelessly left to suffer everyday life now that you had a means of transport. Was he really that cruel?
Your thoughts were interrupted by the sharp jingle of your phone, the device lighting up as it sat in the passenger seat to your left. It took two or three rings for you to glance over at it, E/C eyes sore and drained from crying out. You squinted them to read the caller, seeing the name 'Work' fade in and out on the brightly lit screen. For a second or two you argued back and forth on whether to even bother picking up. Something about reaching across for your phone requiring a magnitude of energy you no longer possessed. Having spent it all on your cries of agony and the deprivation of your old life as a whole.
However, you had ignored your work in the last couple of weeks too many times now. So many times that pulling the same stunt again would probably risk you losing your job. It's not like your work was interested in why you felt such overwhelming pain... all they cared about was you turning up to do what you were hired to.
So using a forceful hand, you leaned over to pick it up. You fumbled to grip your phone and accepted the call with a dainty tap of your thumb. Then you blinked away your tears and subtly sniffed, pressing your phone to your ear to address the caller.
"Hello?" You practically croaked, quick to clear your throat and push any signs of upset down. It was presumably dry from how much you'd cried in the last two hours.
"L/N! Hey! Glad you finally picked up!" Unlike the droll and unvarying tones of your boss, the person on the other end was much more lively and greeting. So much so you could only assume it was none other than your work colleague, Etsuko. Probably the only person you genuinely liked where you worked, and the only person who made the time pass by faster. "I was worried you were gonna leave me on answer phone again,"
"Hm, what? Oh right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Haven't been feeling too great," You lied, even though it wasn't a complete fib. You hadn't been feeling great at all. You had never felt so rock bottom. It all just originated from your mind over anything else. But when did work care about that?
"Sounds like it, I hope you've been okay!" Still cheery as ever, Etsuko followed up with a laugh to fill the silence you created by not saying anything. "Is everything well? It's nothing serious, is it?"
"No. It's not. Just some dumb cold I caught," You excused. "I'm better now, though," Slouching down in your seat, you decided to ask the question that had been roaming your mind the last minute or so. "So why are you calling?"
"Oh, right!" Etsuko said. "Mr Kobashigawa was just wondering when you planned on coming back - for schedule reasons and to get people to fill in for your shifts,"
"I er...," Not entirely sure how to answer, you stuttered as your words cowered away in your attempt to speak. "I don't -,"
"It's okay, he doesn't need an answer yet," Etsuko reassured. "Maybe in the next day or two, though? He wasn't really specific, being honest,"
You sighed at the guilt brewing in your stomach. You weren't even sick for crying out loud! Why were you lying just so you could wallow in your own sadness?! Like that was going to change anything! Sitting around and crying wasn't going to give you what you wanted. You weren't getting him back. Katsuki Bakugou wasn't yours anymore. He made that clear by cheating. By making minimal effort to give you an explanation. By causing you so much pain with little care or concern. Why couldn't you get it through your thick skull that your feelings didn't matter anymore?! That they were being wasted on a lost cause. A lost relationship!
"Well I mean -," You started, running a hand through your hair as you tread carefully on your words. "I could come in tonight? Has Mr Kobashigawa got someone to fill for me yet?"
"Um... no? I don't think so?" Etsuko answered, uncertainty in her voice. "Let me go check. Be right back!" And with that, the line fell dead. The call didn't end, just Etsuko placing the phone down to get an answer for you. Leaving you all by your lonesome once more.
Reflecting, you could see the logic in your thoughts. The best course of action would be to hold your head up high and live life the way it was before. When you were happy. Just... excluding the factors that actually made you happy. Which was him. Wouldn't that be healthier than crying all the time?
Yes, it would. But was it what you wanted? Not really.
"L/N!" The voice in your ear startled you to the point you nearly dropped your phone, panicking through a gasp as you fiddled to grab hold of it again.
"Wa-! Careful you nearly scared me half to death!"
"Oops, sorry!" Etsuko giggled softy, sounding as perky as ever. "I'm just excited to tell you that nobody's filling in your shift! You can still come in for ten-thirty!"
"I-I can?" You asked. After an upbeat 'yeah!' filtered through your ears, you considered your options. Remaining in the serene, quiet confines of your car with only the downfall of rain to accompany you sounded like utter bliss, given how you felt. But you felt an internal kick up the backside which told you - no... demanded you to just get over this moping attitude of yours and look on the bright side. To get over the lack of closure and simply... move on.
Yeah... if he found out you were an utter train wreck thanks to the damage he inflicted; Katsuki Bakugou would probably revel in it. He had a history of gaining pleasure from other's misfortunes... or it was rumoured he did (during his younger years, anyway). You had never wanted to believe it but you couldn't find a reason to refute it anymore. After all you had been through, it seemed to fit his character and personality more than ever. So with that fact apparent, you held a firm forefront and searched for a determined tone, and made your answer to your friend.
"You betcha I'm coming in! I'll see you in half an hour!"
Too enthusiastic? Probably. Still, it was better than acting pessimistic and hopeless. No matter, however, because that was exactly the attitude Etsuko had been hoping for.
"Alrighty!" She exclaimed, smile audible in her voice from the other end. "I can't wait to get our dynamic duo going again! I've missed you!"
"Yeah, me too, 'Suko," You hummed in agreement.
"Great! Catch ya later my partner in crime,"
"Heh. You too, dumbass," You found a reason to smile from her childish behaviour, though your choice of wording seemed to hit a nerve. It did more than that, it practically reverted all that confidence and progress you had made in the last ten minutes of being on the phone. All from one innocent word that escaped your lips.
Dumbass.
That's what he used to call you.
The phone call had ended without you even noticing, your phone still pressed to your ear as a small buzz sounded into it. You stared dead ahead, flashes of all the times he had said that word to you running through your memory. It was his form of a pet name. Some might see it as a little degrading on the surface, but you never minded. Once you learned the deeper meaning of the name, it became something equivalent to the likes of 'Sunshine' or 'Angel'. If anything, you ended up preferring it to those sorts of nicknames. Hence why Katsuki Bakugou had called you it on so many occasions.
No. Stop it. You can't let something like that bother you. Not after the efforts you just went to. Stop. Shaking yourself out of it, you returned to reality and permitted your phone to drop onto your lap. Your hand once holding it gripped onto your steering wheel, the other following shortly behind to do the same.
"I love you too, even if you're a dumbass,"
That rung in your head one final time, tormenting and mocking your present. The things you'd be willing to do to hear him say that to you one last time...
"No," You firmly shook your head, banging it lightly against the headrest to return yourself to reality. An attempt to knock those words to the back of your mind where you could lock them in a securely tight safe for the rest of eternity. "Just... just don't think about it. Easy. Just focus on what you're doing now," You reached for your keys which sat in the ignition, taking hold and turning them ever so slightly. Your car stirred to life, engine rumbling and the dials lighting up in a form of warm greeting. "You're going to work. No more feeling sorry for yourself,"
No more feeling sorry for yourself.
Your eyes set themselves on the road ahead. The vacant, dark and solitary road that didn't wait for you to make your decision. Life moved on after all, so if you were going to do anything - it was to catch up and take the winning lead.
So despite your circumstances; your inner desires and wishes and begs for what you wanted back but to no avail would ever get, you pulled out of your parking space (which had long exceeded the time limit, thankfully nobody was around to see) that drowned in pitiful rains of the night, and began to make your way down the street. In search of a place better than the one you were trapped in.
An endless road that wasn't all that clear, you were going to tackle it. Not for anyone else, unlike the last time you met difficulty and hardships. No, no, no. This time it was for your sake. All the mental energy to recover and become a better version of yourself, in the endgame it was all for you. You could push past all the deceit and lies you had been told and you could push past your normality which was him. Katsuki Bakugou. The man that hurt you as nobody had ever done before. You could create new normality without him.
A thought of forever he created and destroyed, resorted to driving alone past his street, never to be thought of again.
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rxbxlcaptain · 7 years
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How to tell your entire family is full of nerds:
You see a headline about JJ Abrams taking over writing/directing for Episode IX and in less than five minutes have texts from literally all of your siblings discussing the pros and cons of the decision
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acespec-ed · 2 years
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hello hi i have a question!
cw for sex/fantasizing mention
So I have a crush on this guy from school (I am a teenager) and I have done the Standard Crush Things where I imagine our wedding and having s3x with him, but I do not want to actually marry him or have s3x or even date him so I am very confused. I am perfectly content to keep being friends.
I don't know if this is aspec or just me being awkward, so I'm very sorry to bother you if this isn't your lane.
Thanks and have a great day/evening! (its night over here but time zones so yeah)
That sounds exactly like me with my crushes tbh (minus the sex part). I only ever wanted to date past crushes because I felt like a loser for being in my late teens/early 20's with no experience so you're not alone. There's terms for us though. Orchidromantic is for people who feel romantic attraction, but no interest in acting on it. And there's orchidsexual for people who feel sexual attraction, but have no interest in acting on it. Those are both labels under the ace/aro umbrella(s), so you could identify with the gray area of asexuality/aromanticism if you want. Or just go by the orchid labels. (I feel too alloromantic for aro spaces, and not alloromantic enough for allo spaces, so right now I'm happy with just orchidromantic.) You also don’t have to use any of these labels if you don’t want to. Whatever you prefer.
You've probably already heard the lecture, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Don't feel like you have to date someone, and don't date someone just for the sake of dating someone. That’s a recipe for disaster. I'm so glad aces and aros actually have some visibility nowadays because there's so many horror stories out there of aces/aros who forced themselves into uncomfortable relationships and situations because "you're supposed to" and they didn't know asexual and aromantic were orientations that existed. (Even full allos have their own horror stories because of the whole "everyone must be in a relationship" narrative.) There's nothing wrong with not wanting to pursue your attractions. It’s valid. 💚💜
It’s nighttime here right now so, have a great day as well! 😄
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haleigh-sloth · 2 years
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I think people should really wait for the official translation of any chapter really because while fan ones sometimes sound better worded and officials lack character voice I have noticed that most discussions always are surrounded around fan translation
Especially with shouto the fan ones always makes him kind of out of character at times so I would prefer waiting for the officials so some discourse is really unnecessary
I mean technically yes
Technically none of us should even wait for spoilers really, it’s a recipe for disaster 😂
But we have no self control.
Japanese can sometimes be translated to mean different things and it’s interesting seeing different versions of it. I love seeing the official and comparing it to the translations here on tumblr, to see what could have been missed. Usually the official is spot on but it’s little nuances that Caleb can’t really explain in every panel that I love seeing.
That being said, some translations are just ಠ_ಠ
It’s bound to happen at times. And I wouldn’t even say this week was a mistranslation as much as it was the summary just making Shouto sound very hateful toward his brother, which he doesn’t sound like that at all in the fan one. He sounds angry for sure, because he is, but the empathy is there.
But the summary was really what set me off tbh, but I’m not gonna pretend I won’t be paying attention to leaks because I definitely will lol
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doycngs · 3 years
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lee donghyuck. | six feet apart. [iii]
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summary. two days. one car. some unresolved issues with your ex-boyfriend. what a recipe for disaster… right?
pairing. y/n x nct’s haechan. 
genre. exes!au, road trip!au, childhood friends!au. 
word count. 4k. 
[four part series]
part I   |   part II   |   part III   |   part IV
warnings. gender neutral!reader, angst (yes again… act surprised rn !!), fluff, suggestive, swearing, hyuck has a lot of dialogue for once, he also is a big sweetheart ;’), they finally just talk this shit out omg, nothing else, just super fucking cheesy tbh, i lowkey hate myself for writing it this way :D 
taglist. @sunflowerhae​ @haechandesal​ @skrtbeepbeep​ @ki-aechan​ (ask if you wanna to join my tag list!)
y’all i tried to not make it not very smutty but it just escalated in a small section lolz. also, just a warning, if you’re uncomfy with smut, it does get suggestive in this chapter. If you don’t like that, don’t read,, sorry!
(cross-posted on wattpad under ginxrna) 
|—————|
DINNER WAS DEATHLY silent between you two, there was no other way to put it. There were no sounds other than the chewing of the food in your mouths and the loud clamber and conversation in the rest of the diner. It was almost like your booth had an invisible wall around it that made sure the infection of noise didn’t force the two of you to talk for 20 minutes. Donghyuck had silently taken the hint that you weren’t ready to start talking just yet, learning his lesson from earlier for pushing it. 
You couldn’t make yourself say more than a word even if you wanted to; your brain just kept replaying your yelling match over and over. You knew that if you said more than a word to him, your throat would get tight with emotion again and you did not want to embarrassingly bawl your eyes out over burgers. 
One thing you had completely forgotten was that Donghyuck had an appalling fear of seeing you cry, especially if he was the reason you were shedding tears. Donghyuck, being the emotionally constipated boy he was, would always just hold you in his arms until you stopped crying. The image of him in the car freezing over the console makes your stomach sink.
But what you said in the car earlier was true. You did want to get over this phase with Donghyuck because it was tiring acting so wary around him. You knew Donghyuck felt the same way too with his six feet bubble and eye avoidance.
So… you tried. 
You pinched yourself to stop acting like a little child and to suck in your old feelings; try to become somewhat civil with him. Donghyuck put in an effort by the end of your meal together as well. And although it was painful, the two of you got through it, easing the tension step by step. You also learned a few new things that occurred in the year you two were avoiding each other. 
Donghyuck told you he now had a minor in music studies, you told him about your switch up majors. He told you he recently lost a bet and dyed his parts of hair pink and blue (which you wouldn’t have caught if he didn’t tell you; it’s almost all faded now). You told him Renjun was now a new DJ at your university’s radio show. 
Catching up didn’t hurt as bad as you thought it would’ve, however it did make you register that a lot of time had passed. It had felt like maybe two days in your head since the two of you were separated but life continued. It didn’t just freeze everything and time continued passing by without your notice. 
You missed hanging out with Chenle, Jeno, Jaemin, and Mark, including Renjun and Jisung with all of them as well. Things naturally drifted apart that spring and it was one of the few reasons you regretted everything. The eight of you felt inseparable in that period of your life and talking about what changed and occurred while you were gone just made a nostalgic feeling erupt in your chest. 
If only you could have it all back for a day. 
When it comes time to pay, you automatically reach for your card, reaching down into your bag. As you look up though, Donghyuck also has his own debit card in his hand. You fire a glare his way. 
“Nope, you paid for the snacks earlier. This is on me.” You decide, Donghyuck scoffing. 
“No, you filled the gas tank last. It’s on me.” 
Rolling your eyes, the waiter catches onto your drift when you raise your hand a little to get the bill, the employee sending a thumbs-up your way. 
Hyuck shoves your hand down, a cute giggle passing his lips. “Stop it, seriously. Don't fight me on this.” 
“I’m not fighting you on this.” You unconsciously laugh, shoving his elbow off the table in retaliation. Hyuck playfully gasps, going to snatch at your card but barely missing as you pull your arm back. 
Hyuck is practically laying on the table, tickling you to get your fingers to let go of his debit card you nabbed when the server comes to your table. There’s an amusing smile on the middle-aged woman’s lips as she clears her throat. 
“You two all ready to go?” She politely interrupts, a bemused expression on her face. 
You push Hyuck back into his seat by the forehead, your abdomen hurting from laughter. “Yes, absolutely.” 
With a dazzling smile directed toward Hyuck’s defeated form, you hand your card over in victory. The two of you get back into the car and head to the agreed accommodation the two of you choose in a comfortable space, music and small banter filling the car. 
Trying your best not to ruin the atmosphere, your phone ringing cuts off the music and you quickly pick it up without checking who was disrupting. 
“Hello?” 
“Hi, honey! How’s the car ride going?” Your mom’s voice says through the phone, voice so cheerful that it makes you smile a little. 
“It’s…” You glance over to Donghyuck, his eyes already on you. You look away quickly. “Um, it’s going fine. Did you make it to Dad’s?” 
“Yes! Your father is a little busy helping me put things away right now. Come here, say hi to your child!” A grumpy and breathless hello is heard in the back and you scoff, a small grin on your face. 
“Can you put me on speaker Y/N? I need Hyuck on the phone.” 
You scrunch your eyebrows, nervous. “Uh, why?” 
“Oh, just trust me, well you?” Slowly, you place your phone in the cup holder and press speaker, apprehensive of what your mom has to say. 
“Mom, you’re on speaker.” You mutter, shrugging when Donghyuck says hello with a silent question with his eyes.
“Hi, Hyuck! Are you guys doing well? On your way to check-in yet?” 
“Yes… why?” You ask, cautious. You have a sinking feeling about this. 
“Well, I texted you earlier honey. I paid for your rooms already.” 
“What? Mrs. L/N, you didn’t have to do that.” Hyuck points out. 
“I know, I know. Y/N said the same thing but it’s fine! It’s my fault you have to drive with almost an extra hundred pounds in your car for two days. It’s all on me.” 
“Mom, you didn’t need to do that. We can—” You emphasize, but your mother cuts you off. 
“Oh, hush. I would usually say keep your hands off the candy in the hotel mini-fridge but go at it if you want. That’s the only time I’m going to say that to you.” You laugh a little, meeting Donghyuck’s smile. Eventually, your father drags your mother away from the phone for some help and you hang up the call.
Opening up your messaging app, you wonder what your mom texted you, confused as to when she sent this message. You checked your phone not even 10 minutes ago.
You sigh, throwing your head back when you check the timestamp. Donghyuck concerningly peeks your way, eyes still focused on the road. “What’s wrong?” 
You shake your head in annoyance. “My mom texted me about paying for the rooms literally a minute before she called us.” Hyuck chuckles at that, a small smile settling on your lips before you can help it. 
Donghyuck uses your phone for directions to the hotel and 30 minutes later, the two of you are pulling up to the tall building. You were expecting a three and a half-star hotel at least but the second the two of you passed the hotel’s doors, you were shocked into believing it was a five-star. 
The chandelier you admire as you walk in and the big seating room with plush couches makes your mouth gape open, incredibly confused as to why your mom put in so much money for these rooms. Hyuck feels the same way apparently, given by the way his eyes are as big as saucers. 
“Did your mom get a big ass promotion of something?” Hyuck says in awe and you laugh in disbelief. 
“Not as far as I know. Maybe we’re at the wrong place.” You mumble, glancing down at your phone just in case. Nope, you were in the right place, for sure. 
The two of you walk up to the clerk behind a huge oak desk, a kind smile on his face. You confirm the two of you are at the right place, Donghyuck becoming perplexed when the man gives only one card to the two of you. 
Instantly, you slap a hand to your forehead, having completely forgotten that your mom said she’d pay for one room with two beds. You take the card and thank the clerk as Hyuck follows you to the elevator confused. 
“Ugh, I completely forgot that my mom wanted one room with two beds.” You groan, leaning against the elevator wall in exhaustion. 
Donghyuck visually relaxes, calming down significantly in body language. “Oh! Okay, that makes sense. I thought she—” 
He stops abruptly and coughs, making you look his way. His ears are red and you catch on quickly. 
Clearing your throat, you stand straighter, now getting warm yourself. “N-No, my mom’s not that crazy.” The silence makes Hyuck cringe and the second the elevator door dings, he steps out quickly, hand brushing yours to take the key card from you. 
“Let’s find our room.” Donghyuck blurts, feet quick to turn the corner and leave the skin on your hand burning from the contact. 
Donghyuck is already swiping the card to your room when you reach him, a rush of cold air passing you when he opens the door. The place is quite spacious, even when it looks like the average size of a hotel room. The color scheme and gigantic windows reflect your figure to you and you visually cringe. Sitting in the car for hours does not look good at the end of the day. 
Your shared room is set on the fifth floor, giving a fantastic view of all the city’s lights at night. Earlier, you had asked for the room’s night cost and it wasn’t even that much, considering how you’re in a city’s highly rated hotel. 
“Um, Y/N?” Donghyuck’s voice says behind you. You had instantly walked towards the windows, eyes attracted to the gorgeous sight before you. 
His troubled voice makes you turn around, your face falling right away. 
“You’ve got to be joking me.” 
There was only one bed. Just one bed. 
|—————|
Donghyuck’s heavy hand slams the phone back in its place, body falling back onto the mattress in frustration. Your eyes flicker to the sliver of tan skin exposed when his shirt rides up, quickly looking away before he notices your ogling. 
“I can’t believe they gave us the wrong room. And there are no other available rooms.” He whines, running his hands through his hair. 
“Yeah,” You awkwardly mutter, flopping to criss-cross applesauce on the adjacent spot on the bed. “I mean, I can sleep on the couch.”
Hyuck lolls his head to look at you, throwing a deadpan look your way. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re taking the bed and I’ll take the couch. It’s only for one night.” 
You give an excusatory look right back. “Yeah right…” You drag, “You can’t sleep anywhere but on a mattress Hyuck. I’m fine with the couch.” 
Donghyuck sits up, offended. “What—yes, I can! I can sleep on the couch!” 
You’re shaking your head, getting off the bed to grab a change of clothes for the shower. “You hate sleeping on the couch, stop lying.” 
He crosses his arms, eyes following you with a glare that means— “You haven’t won just yet.” You know that look pretty well from when things would get serious on a Mario Kart round. You shut the bathroom door, locking it with a sigh. This was going to be a long fight for where to sleep. 
Sucked that the both of you were as stubborn as bulls when battling for something. 
|—————|
When you get out of the shower, refreshed and hair wet, you’re met with the sight of Haechan setting up what looks like a castle of pillows on the couch. 
“Hyuck,” You whine, stomping over to him, “I told you I would take the sofa, get your stuff off.” 
He sends a fake confused expression your way, protesting as you take his bag off the cushions. “What? No, that’s not what we agreed on!” 
Now it's your turn to cross your arms, looking at him like a scolded puppy. “Stop it, seriously. I’m taking the couch whether you like it or not.” 
You give a light shove on Hyuck’s shoulder for him to get the hint but he doesn’t budge at all. Confused, you push harder, his smirk when you start to actually put effort into it irritating you further. 
“What the fuck?” You grunt, putting all of your body weight into it, “What are you, a rock? Move!” 
“I’ve been working out just for these types of situations. Now Mark can’t make me leave his spot in the living room.” Donghyuck adds in smugly, pulling a laugh from your lips. You begin to change tactics, wriggling your fingers against his neck to tickle him; his ultimate weakness. 
The tiniest squeak escapes Hyuck’s mouth as he squirms, grabbing your lower forearms to stop the attack. You’re practically on top of him, trying to get his body to move from the spot before he loses his strength. The momentum and change in his position have you toppling onto his chest. 
Breathless, your eyes are wide as you take in the situation at the length of a sloth. You could see Hyuck’s just-barely-there streaks of blue and pink in his honey-colored hair this close up. His lips are plump and pink as he heaves in oxygen from earlier exertion. The close contact has your body locked up, afraid to move, and trying to memorize how familiar this all is; how much you had missed it. 
Before you know what’s happening, Donghyuck’s head tilts, leaning up to connect your mouths. His hands immediately tangle into your hair with desperation as your fists hang onto Hyuck’s T-shirt, clinging onto his body to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. 
When his hands tug your hips closer to him, you fall in his touch more, both lips becoming bruised from how rough you’re treating one another. That signature taste of him: the cologne that he refuses to switch, the mint gum he always chews after eating something, something that is just so— him— has you hooked once more. 
You had forgotten how much you craved his touch all for yourself. 
Both of you naturally correct yourselves, Hyuck shifting up to sit correctly with your thighs trapping Hyuck’s between them. You had missed the way Donghyuck always seemed to suck you back into his mouth, biting your bottom lip to have you coming back for more.  
His hair is ruffled and shirt wrinkled deep from your grip. Your small moan of pleasure when Hyuck drags his lips down your throat separates apart the haze that surrounds you two. As it clears your thinking, you watch the situation register in his head. The need to have your chest against his again make his fingers twitch as they rest on the bare skin of your waist. 
His eyes get wide and plead with you, his body quickly peeling off yours. “Fuck, Y/N, I’m so sorry—” 
“Stop. Just stop.” You mutter, effectively shutting him up with a kiss. 
Donghyuck groans roughly after a few seconds of bliss, sounding like it pains him when he disconnects your lips by turning his head. His cold hands instinctively hold your face to have you listen to him. 
“No, really, Y/N. You’re going to regret this if we keep going.” He breathes out, eyes hooded as they focus on your bitten lips. 
Shifting in his lap, a spike of arousal runs through your veins has your mind made up. Grinding more sensually on his semi hard-on, you pull his hands away from your face. 
“No, I won’t. I want this,” You whisper, your palms resting on the back of the couch as you continue swiveling your hips. “Do you want this?”
Hyuck’s hands grab at your hips, head and body conflicted as his hips buck up into you. He groans, head thrown back with his eyes closed. “Fuck, yes I do. I want this so badly but not this way.” 
You unsuction your lips from his neck, pretty spots of blue and red already blooming on his melanin skin. “How do you want me then?” 
Hyuck opens his eyes as you travel off him, knees hitting the soft carpet floor. “This way?” You ask, nails digging into his grey joggers as you press your fingernails into the meat of his thighs. 
“Fuck, maybe.” Hyuck laughs breathlessly and you smile at the sound. 
You didn’t want to think so much about this. The consequences of doing this. In fact, you didn’t want to think at all. 
So what if this ruins everything you two were working towards? So what if you regret this in the morning? You just wanted to stop thinking. Acting rationally with your brain’s reasoning instead of your heart all the time still left you heartbroken and aching after. At least this small pocket of happiness of feeling loved and appreciated for one night will give you some feeling of satisfaction before that sinking feeling comes back. 
You were going to feel shit by the end of the night anyway; why not get some good before all the bad? 
You yourself don’t realize your change in expression, pushing yourself to go through with this until Donghyuck gently unlatches your hands from his waistband. His cold hands are strangely inviting as they engulf yours, shaking softly for you to look up at him. Wide concerned eyes swallow you whole and you can feel your throat tightening up with emotion. 
No.
“Y/N—” Hyuck begins, trying to pull you up from the floor but you fight it, placing your hands on your knees. Your eyes are tearing up and Hyuck’s heart cracks at the sight of it. “Stop it babe, stop. Come on, get up for me.” 
You can feel the salty water trail down your cheeks and your body stops fighting him, Hyuck enveloping you into a hug as you collapse into his lap. Hiccups keep escaping your mouth as you try to fight back the sounds but he coaxes you to let it out. 
“Cry, baby. It’s okay, just cry.” 
“No. No, I hate crying. I want to stop crying all the time. I’m sick of crying.” You sob into his shoulder, trying to pull yourself from his chest but Hyuck’s hands are wrapped around your waist, locking you in. 
“Don’t fight it anymore. It’s okay.” His gentle voice whispers as you bawl. Eventually, you stop fighting to hold it back and one of Hyuck’s hands cradles your head, the other rubbing your back. That’s how you spend the next 10 minutes before Hyuck speaks. 
“I’m sorry. For making you cry.” 
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you don’t say anything. You knew you needed to hear what he had to say. Donghyuck needed to get things off his chest. 
“I’m sorry for what happened between us.  And I’m sorry for lying to you when we first got together too. There isn’t a single day I don’t regret not having the courage to just tell you the truth during and after we broke up. I know I’m a big fuck-up for that. You don’t need to tell me so because I already remind myself of that a lot.” Hyuck depressingly chuckles into your hair, his hands tightening around your body as his voice cracks with emotion. It’s almost like he’s afraid you’re going to leave him. 
He shakingly takes in a breath and continues. “I’ve been a big coward about facing you. I still have our pictures and texts on my phone because I can’t bring myself to delete them. I look at them so often and it beats me up to think I took that precious smile off your face. When I saw you this summer, looking so happy and content, I knew that you were better off without me back in your life. Every time we were in each other’s presence at the beach house, I saw your face fall whenever I was near. And it hurt but I know it’s my fault we’re this way.” 
Your nails dig into your palms, stopping yourself from spilling more tears. “I won’t ever understand or know how betrayed you felt after hearing the truth. I also know I can’t heal the wound that’s left over from that. But do know that I fell for you. I really did and I don’t regret asking you out, I never have. Whatever you heard that night, I’m just sorry. I’m so sorry.” Hyuck confesses, shaking as he says all of this. You can feel his tears wet your hair. You’re frozen from the trembling genuity dripping in his voice. He’s incredibly fragile and exposed in your embrace, even though he was the one comforting you minutes ago. 
Truth is… you don’t know how to react. 
One side of you, the side that’s won every time and has gotten you through the breakup with Donghyuck feels like he’s just lying to you again. That this is how he’s gotten into your heart, through his deceits and lies. 
But the side that’s telling you to believe him, to trust your gut and see the honest apology; maybe even consider accepting it, can see right through Lee Donghyuck. Can look through all the childhood memories you two share, all the times he’s gone out of his way for you, all the little things you’ve learned about one another. 
All because he cares for you. 
You manage to pull his name out of your glued lips. “Hyuck—” 
“No,” He rushes out, arms flexing to keep you in his hold again, “I-I’m not done. Please… just let me finish, please.” 
You nod wordlessly but Hyuck can feel the movement. “Nothing I can do can fix the hurt I caused you but I want things to get better between us, like you said earlier today. You don’t have to accept my shit excuse of an apology now, or later, or ever… but I just wanted to say…” The air inside your lungs freezes at his next words. 
“I still love you. A-And you probably hate me for saying that right now but… I needed to say it. For my sanity’s sake, I’m just selfish like that.” He allows you to pull back and look into his eyes, to check his legit honesty as he uttered those four words. All you see is the familiar way he’s always looked at you. 
With love in those doe eyes of his. 
Hyuck stumbles to explain more, “Y-You don’t have to say anything. I’d actually rather you not.” He rambles, avoiding your eyes now, “I’ll eventually fall out of it soon. At least… that’s what I’ve been telling myself since last spring.” 
You sniffle and bite your lip, making Donghyuck whip his head back up to you. 
“W-Wait! I didn’t mean to make you cry again, please don’t cry baby.” Hyuck rushes out, quickly pulling you back into his chest and cradling you again. 
You laugh, the sound warbled as the duct of tears become loose once more. 
“No, it’s not a bad cry. I don’t think so anyway,” You reassure, brushing your hands through his hair in return. “I just didn’t expect this. I thought we were about to fuck and just leave it at that.” 
Hyuck chuckles, the soft sound making your heart and body feel 10 times lighter. “No, no. I wouldn’t have allowed us to get that far. I know you would’ve regretted it in the morning.” 
You still have your hands threading in his hair, gently loosening Hyuck’s grip on you. As you gaze into his eyes, shiny from some earlier shed tears but reflecting that comforting and familiar affection at you, you feel the overwhelming need to reassure him once more. 
“You have been selfish,” The stars in Hyuck’s eyes dim, “...but I do know that… I’ve been selfish too.”
Donghyuck opens his mouth to refute back but you stop him. “No, really. Just… just hear me out. I’ve been acting like a child, not willing to hear your side. I mean, I couldn’t get those words outside of my head, the second that I overheard it. As embarrassing as it is to say it, I felt like my whole world was crashing down that week. I didn’t realize how much you had woven yourself into my life and heart until you were ripped out of it. All in all, even if you were keeping things from me when we were dating, we’ve both been acting like idiots ever since. Avoiding each other at all costs when we literally live next door to one another.” 
“Me more so.” Hyuck insists, eyes wide. You giggle. 
“Yeah, I won’t lie, you’re higher in that department. And… I’m not ready to completely forgive you yet but…” Hyuck nods quickly, eyes slowly lighting up in anticipation, “I’ll willing to try.”
“Yeah?” Hyuck asks to confirm, voice tilting. Your heart flutters at the innocent sound. 
“Yes... but! It’s going to take some time. You feel me?” You ask, placing your hands on his shoulders. Hyuck rushes to nod. 
“Absolutely. And I’m sorry again for—” 
“You know, I’m kind of sick of hearing those words come out of your mouth for now…” You mutter against his upcurved lips, a smile making its way onto your own. 
Seeing how unconfident Hyuck is to take action now, you hold the reins this time, softly connecting your mouths again. This kiss is much less desperate; like you two had all the time in the world, all the planets aligned for this moment. 
And just like that, something clicks into place. 
The piece missing in your taped-together heart has returned from the lost-and-found. 
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