#take my crack hc

[sun-stricken]

the kids of fairy tail used to have a behavior chart that lasted like two months before everyone gave up on it, there was like a ceremony everytime someone got to the very top or the very bottom

They had to take it down bc too many people were fucking with it and fighting over what constituted aa good or bad behavior

it returned years later for that generation of people and the same exact thing happened again

#fairy tail #sun strickens ft #fairy tail headcanons #young fairy tail #take my crack hc #imagine them as a group framing whoever was at the top so rhey would be taken down #the chart was all of their villain orgin stories #natsu dragneel #gray fullbuster #erza scarlet #cana alberona #mirajane strauss #ft loke #i mean he wasnt a kid but #he was def on it too #levy mcgarden #the hierarchy of the behavior chart was real

[qcomicsy]

So I saw lately someone's headcannon of Bruce having a little bit of ol' British accent because he basically grew up raised by Alfred alone so I thought it would be really funny if he just slip it randomly and it always catch people of the guard.

Batman: Just put in the bin

Hal:

Hal: I'm sorry spooky the what?

Batman: The bin

Hal:

Olive with a terrible British accent: Oi' mate he said to you to put it in a bin'

Hal: WHEEZE–

Batman: >:(

--

Batman checking chemicals by himself: Bloody hell

Superman:

Superman: I–

Batman: Not a word.

He start fighting with Clark and they just keep slipin their accents.

Batman with a strong British accent: Are you insane?

Superman: I'm tryin' to tell ya!

Batman: Absolutely not– Oi– Absolutely–

Superman: Goodness gracious you're impossible!

Batman: And you're one to talk?

--

Constantine: A man like you alone in a night like this?

Batman:

Constantine: Care for a bit of company luv?

Batman slippin in Alfred's accent again: Would you like to eh?

Constantine:

Batman:

#can you see by this that my whole knowledge from british accents comes from four seasons of doctor who and DHMIS? #I won't even start by the absolutely zero knowledge I have on Kansas accent #I did one research and called quits #so I apologize in advance #to kansas bcs the brits can take it #you colonize half world and eventually half of the world colonizes you buddy #batman #superman #crack #batman hc #superman hc #batman said 'bollocks' once near the justice league and never had peace ever since

[carry-on-my-wayward-gays]

Sometimes Ghost wakes up without Soap in his arms. It shouldn't be something to panic over but with what they do for a living - and when Ghost definitely remembers falling asleep with Soap next to him - it freaks him out a little bit.

Of course Soap is always fine. He can take care of himself. But still Ghost gets out of bed and goes searching for its partner.

Usually he finds Soap in the bathroom or getting something to drink or coming in from outside after hearing a noise and just wanting to be safe.

"There you are," Ghost will huff sleepily. It digs the heels of its hands in its eyes and rubs away sleep.

Soap will roll his eyes and finish up whatever he was doing when Ghost found him. "I'm a big boy, ya know. I can take care of myself." It's always delivered lightly, and Soap always goes and engulfs Ghost in a reassuring hug.

"I'm well aware." Ghost wraps his arms around Soap and rests his cheek on top of his head.

"Promise I'll stop scarin' ya." Soap mumbles into Ghost's chest. Ghost leans against a wall and pulls Soap with it.

"I don't think you will." Ghost whispers back.

They'll go back to bed and Ghost will practically wrap his whole body around Soap to make sure he doesn't leave until morning.

They never talk about Ghost's fear of losing Soap while asleep. They never acknowledge what could happen while Ghost was unable to fight back. And they never plan to.

Ghost doesn't get much sleep the rest of the night.

#ghost my lil he/it #based this off a crack hc I keep seeing go around #it's like #soap: in the bathroom taking a shit #ghost: woke up without him and panicked #hey i'm a writer i write things #i can take your crack and turn it into angst #whether you like it or not #call of duty #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghost x soap #soap x ghost #soapghost #ghostsoap #wtf is their ship name #call of duty modern warfare #how do i tag this fucking fandom #drabble #shadow's scribing again

[fanfictionroxs]

Luke had to be killed of first. Why? Cause that boy is the definition of overprotective bloodthirsty hound with anxiety. He slashed Aemond's eye when he was JUST 5 YEARS OLD because Jace was in danger! Can you imagine what he would have done if Jace had died first?

Alexa play Set Fire to the Red Keep!

#luke is jace's no 1 protector #one of my fav hcs.. which are practically canon #lucerys velaryon #jacaerys velaryon #aemond targaryen #lucemond #tagging this as lucemond because luke taking mondy's eye is ALSO like him tugging his crush's pigtails #yall cant tell me luke didnt have a crush on emond.. especially 14 year old luke #and on the topic of lucemond.. jace is lucemond anti Numero Uno #boy hates HATES it with a passion hehehehe #hotd #house of the dragon #crack #fanfictionroxs writes

[driftingvoid-155]

Real reason they burned down the building in fnaf 6 was bc the IRS showed up. They were just gonna let the animatronics run around in that labyrinth of vents hamster style for forever but least to say the moment Mike saw those agents he was quick to pull the ‘fire’ alarm and it wasn’t water that came out of the sprinklers.

#Twas gasoline #Mike had the matchbook in his pocket ready to go #told Henry to say something to distract the agents and he spit such an epic monologue #they didn’t notice mike burning their lack of tax records #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #crack theory #my hcs #michael afton #fnaf 6 #taking tax evasion to a whole other level

[stergeon]

say it

Byleth makes Edelgard say swear words.

(~350 words; too stupid to post on ao3)

“‘Shit.’”

“Grotesque.”

“Give it a try.”

“… Shit.”

“Very good. ‘Ass.’”

“That one is easier. I’ve said it before.”

“Then why don’t you say it now?”

“I… er…”

“If it’s so easy, then do it.”

“… Ass.”

“Excellent.”

“Don’t mock me.”

“How about this one? ‘Cunt.’”

“Wh—I actually, um, don’t know what that means.”

“You don’t know ‘cunt’?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Byleth, it’s simply not in my lexicon.”

“It means va—”

“All right, I understand. The gesture was absolutely unnecessary. I’m astounded at how many words there seem to be for the same thing.”

“If you think that’s bad, you won’t believe how many there are for pe—”

“Well, this has been a fun exercise and hopefully a source of great amusement to you, but I think I’m finished.”

“Wait, wait.”

“No.”

“One more, one more.”

“Mm, no. I don’t think so.”

“Please?”

“… You know it’s not fair of you to give me those eyes.”

“Is that a yes?”

“All right. All right. One more.”

“Yesssss. ‘Fuck.’”

“Byleth!”

“What?! You said one more, and that’s the one to say.”

“I’m—I am not—”

“Please?”

“You can’t pull the same maneuver twice in a minute and expect to succeed. That’s poor strategy.”

“Is it working?”

“… Regrettably, it is.”

“Then it seems like a good strategy to me. Just say it. ‘Fuck.’ It’s easy.”

“It most certainly is not!”

“Try it. Say ‘fuck.’”

“… Fuck.”

“Oh, that’s rich. That’s very good.”

“Are you quite satisfied?”

“Nearly. Now use it in a sentence.”

“Byleth.”

“I’ll give you one. It’ll be easy.”

“I did not—and do not—agree to this!”

“Just repeat after me.”

“No!”

“Say, ‘Byleth, I want you to fuck me.’”

“… Oh.”

“Go on, El. You can do it.”

“… Byleth, I…”

“Keep going.”

“Byleth, I-I want you to… f-fuck me.”

“Good girl. Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Less than I—ah—thought it would be.”

“Mm. Well, you’ve certainly earned a reward, haven’t you?”

“Yes, my teacher. Fuck…”

“Aren’t you a fast learner? I’m impressed.”

“If you don’t shut up and kiss me right now, I’m going to start swearing in earnest.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Your Majesty.”

#fe3h #fire emblem #edeleth #edelgard von hresvelg #byleth eisner #ficlet #sterge.rtf #sick of having this knock around in my drafts so now it is loose in the wild #but it’s so dumb that i really don’t want to bother posting it on ao3 #if i got an email alert for this i’d be disappointed #besides i’m trying to pretend i’m hard at work on the vickyvesties right now #it’s not crack it’s just goofy #theoretically this takes place during the honeymoon phase of chapter 5 of shared space #since edelgard knows her swears by the time of muscle memory/shared space chapter 9 #edelgard’s combination teacher/praise thing is truly unfortunate but what can you do. sometimes a girl is a gotdam mess #it’s not weird unless you make it weird. but she makes it weird. #i think sometimes (like here) she drops a ‘my teacher’ accidentally and byleth politely pretends not to notice #because if she Did call attention to it edelgard would be mortified and that would be the end of whatever fun things they’re doing #frankly no one deserves to say fuck more than edelgard #but with that giant stick up her ass she’d have a hard time getting around to it without some goading #i also hc that dropping honorifics is generally a Huge Turnoff for edelgard due to power dynamic shenanigans #their relationship is Complicated Enough in canon before i fucked it up more in shared space lol #so byleth is really asking for trouble here #but i also reckon ‘my teacher’ is a vibekiller for byleth so if anything they’re just riling each other up now #godspeed girls. hope you shut up long enough to get some

[pepteezer]

touched up and colored that one evil peppino sketch i made since i’m making a playlist for him and wanted him to be the cover u_u

Evil Peppino playlist here! 🖤🍕🔪

#pizza tower #pizza tower fanart #pizza tower evil peppino #evil peppino #my art #i saw that there wasn’t any evil peppino playlists anywhere so i wanted to take a crack at it >_< #granted it has some of my headcanons in there so listen with a grain of salt #i mean to be fair he’s not an actual canonical character in the game #meaning he’s basically running on fanon #you can put any hc on him and it’d work since he’s kinda a ‘fill in the blank’ type of character #but anyways #hope you enjoy it!!

[birdbonechai]

new silly pk headcanon. He glows brighter if you shake him

#he’s a damn nightlight #I will not be taking questions #my art #hollow knight #hollow knight shitpost #the white lady #the pale king #stupid headcanons #kind of a joke? It’s less serious than the wl legs hc but it’s not a full-on crack-hc so I honestly don’t know

[miwanwa]

let them smoke weed!!

#this is ooc but i dont care #i hc that deku has his med card and chako takes full advantage of this #my weed academia #dekusquad #miwans doodles #mha #deku #midoriya izuku #iida #iida tenya #mha crack #ochako uraraka #uraraka

[citrine-elephant]

thinking about leon having an EXTREME fuckin sweet tooth and getting absolutely shitfaced on those fruity drinks at the bars

#leon kennedy headcanons #a sweet boy with a sweet tooth... probably #rookie leon probably went insane for the cop stereotype of donuts #really does give me vibes of giving himself an awful stomach ache from milkshakes and teas and boba type things but he never learns #just a little bastard for sugar... little gremlin... sugar fiend #i also want to imagine he tries to take care of his teeth at the very least even if he gets neglectful of the rest of his health #during his severe depressive episodes #he wants good teeth but if he smells like he crawled out the sewers from a week of not bathing then so be it #is this what crack headcanons are? but like tame as hell? #just the idea of this poor little puppy going feral mode for sweets #that was the point of this #his little joys in life... #im bouncing between needing to hc leon having tiny moments of pure joy #and drawing from my own trauma and mental health struggles to vibe onto him

[chucklesandrick]

JFK is canonically a mutant in the X-Men cinematic universe

What are his powers. discuss

#x-men #x-men crack #xmdofp #x-men days of future past #jfk #john f kennedy #history #historical fiction #lmao #x-memes #you can always send me asks yall #i have nothing better to do with my free time #and i will listen to literally any opinion on anything x-men related ever #send me the TAKES #hc #headcanons #x-men headcanons #magneto #professor x

[sainotavailable]

pairings — Venti, Kazuha, Wanderer, Xiao, Kaeya, and Al-Haitham x gn!Reader

summary — You checked your pantry and wow! You don't have shit besides spiders chillin' in the corner of the cabinet. It's time to shop, and your s/o wants to go with you (or in Al-Haitham's case, you drag him along). Would he behave himself and is he OK to bring to society?

tags / warnings — crack / fluff / HCs, almost all of them are insane. kazuha is HIGH ASF, wanderer is an asshole (canon), venti and kaeya have crippling alcoholism, PDA, established relationship, please stop taking these men outside.

A/N — this is my first post. i'm sorry you had to read it but i just write stupid crack hc's or weird shit. also i'm crying because tumblr deleted the first draft i was gonna post. absolutely in tears rn.

Venti “Huh, you’re going to the market? Can I come, can I come!?”

As soon as you step foot into the market, expect him to dash in front of you in search for wine. If you’re in another nation or they’re sold out of his favorite booze, he will drop to his knees and BAWL (but it sounds rly pretty cuz he’s a good bard yk like a disney princess)

you urge him to stand up because he’s being embarrassing and that just makes him roll around on the dirty ass floor because he’s a fucking drama king. legit doing it to spite you even tho you didn’t do shit. however once he recovers he’ll…

put random shit into the basket (no he doesn’t need it he just thinks maybe in the future one of u might. please take it out)

will buy plastic bendy straws so he can drink his alcohol in a silly goofy way

will find a way to eat more than 1 free sample at the food stalls (has a fake mustache for this occasion)

if he finds wine that’s rly expensive he will attempt to seduce you into purchasing it for him (dont feed into his alcoholism)

will try to go into the basket (even if its handheld)

expect him to serenade you the entire time you're shopping, too

also he will hold ur hand and just be all over u. he loves u sm <3

will complain once he gets tired (its only been 10 minutes)

overall, terrible to bring. leave him at home

Kazuha “Oh, have we run out of goods? May I accompany you?”

As you shop, you kind of forget he’s even there until he picks something up to take a closer look and makes a comment. He mostly just chills and follows you around. But…

he actually might be high

how many nakuweeds did u have before you two left? did u count???

all of a sudden he’s adding random snaccs to the basket. when did he ever eat this shit?

as you watch him stuff a dozen doughnuts into ur basket that’s when u realize he might have some crazy munchies. maybe u should ask??

actually maybe not he looks really out of it. he ated all the weeds

as you try and put away some of the shit he put in you see him staring at the local cats

he doesn't know wtf is going on

you should probably go back home now

overall, probably fine to bring with you when he’s not high as a kite

Wanderer “Where are you going? To the market? . . . I better go with you—no, not because I want to, but because you’ll get that generic store brand shit.”

He’s mad and he doesn’t wanna be there, but bc you’re such an asshole who buys generic great value tea. anyways even tho he looks really mad, he doesn’t mind being with you (what a shit) will wander (heh) away from you and look at other stuff. if u try and contain him he’ll get pissy about it and insist he’s an independent puppet-man and he’s not gonna commit tomfoolery anymore. anyways so…

he doesn’t care if ur trying to save mora, he WILL have his namebrand inazuman tea!!!

maybe he won’t… because he understands prices are very tough right now. BUT its not because you told him to, you fucking box

gets PISSED and will become a karen if the cashier doesn’t say hi to him

our boy is toxic and i will not fluff him down this is just him and u like it

will slap your hand if you try and hold his hand. like, not hard. but like, the way a cat slaps your hand when its tired of you petting it.

will hold ur hand if u try a second time but his grip is rly tight cause bro is always tense asf

overall, don’t bring him if you like the store/market you’re going to. you might get banned

Xiao “You’re going to the market? I see . . . It’s getting dark out, so I’ll come with you.”

You know he’s anxious about being around so many people, but he wants to protect you <3<3 so he’ll overcome this obstacle and follow you around like a lost puppy…

actually he’s really close

like holy shit back up xiao, he’s right against ur back

you dont bother to say anything bc yk he’ll say some shit like “YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE ADEPTI”

actually maybe you should grab his hand because he legit looks like a deer in headlights

will hold ur groceries for you bc he’s so strong <3

u can't hold his hand because he's holding his giant fucking polearm "just in case" and holding your bags in the other, so maybe hold his arm??

he loves that shit even if he doesnt admit it

might suddenly leave with ur groceries if he’s called or some shit, will return with torn bags but its ok he did everything he could to fix it!

by fix it i mean now he’s just holding everything and pierced it into his spear

you should just be happy he has everything. don’t comment on it

overall, 10/10. besides the anxiety, he likes being near you even if he doesnt admit it. ur groceries are safe with him just like you are <3<3

Kaeya “Groceries? Oho, well. I have some time, why don’t I go with you? You’ll need a big strong captain to carry all your bags, after all.”

Even if you didn’t want to bring him, he’s coming with you anyways. I think the best part about Kaeya is he’ll stick by your side throughout the trip to the market and follow you around wherever you go.

Honestly, out of everyone else, it feels like he might be the best one to bring with you…

plez expect him to have an arm slung over your shoulders or snaked around your waist. he loves pda!

EXCEPT! he is the KING OF CONSENT(tm) he will only do it if you say its ok! what a sigma chad wtf

i hope you like talking because kaeya fucking loves chatting while shopping. he will not be quiet for long even if you tell him to stfu

even if you’re not the chatty type and you’re pretty quiet, he’ll talk for you. about his day, what he did that morning (even if u already know), what he’s gonna do later, he will not leave a single detail out.

hey btw remember when i said he won’t leave ur side? i lied. don’t trust anyone on the internet.

he will 100% leave your side for the booze market. he is more interested in imported wine that he can get his hands on

will return to you with 6 bottles and insist they’re for you both to share. please stop feeding into his alcoholism

he will carry your bags btw. all of them. he will have both arms packed with bags and won’t complain, might just tease you a little tho.

overall, a fantastic man to bring with you to grocery shop. can protect u cuz he’s a strong cavalry captain who will hold ur belongings without complaint. just feed him booze <3<3

Al-Haitham “. . . Fine, I’ll go with you to pick up some things. I need to pick up a new book to take to work, anyway.”

The moment you enter the marketplace, you most likely will never find your partner again. At least, not until later in your shopping trip. He literally disappeared, where the fuck did he go?

Its only half way through that you find him and see him sitting on one of the benches, flipping through the new book he purchased. You call for him, but his soundproof earpieces are in effect. You snatch the book out of his hands to get his attention and bother him enough to follow you. He lets out a sigh, but gets up anyway…

u rly should’ve left him there cuz he’s so quiet. he might still have his earpieces on.

he’ll follow you around by your side and he’ll hold your bags, too. he’s got big strong arms for a fuckin reason!!

half way through he’ll start reading his book again, sorry but shopping is rly boring to him ok

al-haitham isn’t a pda person btw don’t touch him

might hold ur hand.

will hold ur hand if the cashier is too sus for his liking

maybe

if you run into kaveh while shopping he will leave. if ur holding hands he will leave with u even if u didnt pay for ur shit yet.

overall, um. he’s definitely an option. he’ll hold ur bags??? he just wants to go back home

#alhaitham x reader #kaeya x reader #venti x reader #kazuha x reader #xiao x reader #wanderer x reader #crack fic #genshin impact #genshin x reader #plz dont take my writing srsly #genshin hcs #sai writes

[danothan]

BARRY ALLEN HEADCANON: FOOD EDITION

some autistic ppl have the same few comfort foods they eat over and over, while some adhd ppl can’t consecutively eat the same thing more than once bc they get bored of it so quickly. so in the context of barry allen (who definitely has both), i hc that he likes to get experimental with his safe foods! he’s the type of person to crave stability, but i think his scientist habits and natural curiosity would have him wanting to spice things up in little ways to keep things fresh. so, as a small example, he might eat pizza every night for a week, but the toppings are gonna be different every time.

generally speaking, i think barry knows his way around a kitchen. i’d imagine that darryl wasn’t much of a cook as a single man of the house, so barry had to learn to cook for the both of them growing up (partly out of gratitude, mostly out of missing that sense of familiarity and homeliness).

now with these headcanons established, i’d like to introduce DC superhero girls into the picture. we all know that scene where barry’s trying to cheer up babs by making her his latest ice cream concoction, right? (“latest” also implying that this is smth he does frequently!) he gives her what he calls a “jalapeno toffee twirl sundae,” which is. obviously an abomination of a combo, but he’s ofc none the wiser. like babs straight up spits it out and he’s wondering if the problem is that he didn’t put enough salt 🤦🏻 (thank you dcshg for everything you’ve done for the barry allen community 🙏)

merging these ideas together, i believe that barry is a decent cook with a knack for experimentation + a picky eater with terrible taste. AND, may i remind you, is from the MIDWEST; he’s already starting off with what can only be called failed food experiments as his standard. what all of this adds to is that barry’s cooking is… a hit or miss. he’s had years of experience but a palate that challenges that skill. so be careful if you dine at the allen household; he’ll feed you with love, certainly, but it may come in the form of watergate “salad.” or… his version of it at least.

#dc #the flash #barry allen #⚡️ #food #danbles #meta #<- i love living here #autisms #adhdposting #i’m gonna add my hal cooking hc too bc there’s not enough to make a separate post but it’s food-related so might as well keep them together #everyone loves a Hal Can’t Cook hc (as we should) but i think he also knows a few handful of family recipes from his childhood #he only cracks those out on VERY rare occasions tho #he sucks at every other recipe #and i think he prefers take out over cooking in general #hm wait i’m thinking abt it more like why can he execute his family recipes well specifically but not other ones #and i think it’s bc his mom probably taught him and his brothers #his learning style is probably kinetic + thru trial and error #he doesn’t have the patience with himself as his mom did teaching him when he was rly little #and he probably missed when life was like that #do you think barry would teach him how to cook #do you think he’d keep trying to give up but barry would always give opportunities for them to cook together #and hal would eventually start picking up on things more out of habit than any conscious learned skill #i’m ill. i always do this to myself. #hal jordan #green lantern #halbarry #✈️

[erabundus]

... when your blood tastes like electricity and sour patch kids.

#𝟎𝟎𝟗 : 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯. ◟ crack .◝ #𝟎𝟎𝟒 : 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥. ◟ hc .◝ #blood tw #( formally apologizing for the comparison ) #( it doesn't actually there's just this?? undertone of something a little sour a little sweet a little off because it's not normal blood. ) #( something is distinctly strange about it ) #( i have another Puppet Anatomy Post ™️ cooking in the back of my mind i'll elaborate more eventually but in the meantime. ) #( take this lovely little shitpost amid the flood of leaks (which i am gazing lovingly at with the largest pupils possible) ) #( *this is specifically referring to his outer blood if you remember the hc from 87 years ago about him having two kinds of blood ) #( the purple blood would probably kill you do not drink the forbidden grape juice )

[amazinglyegg]

he's fighting the war on autism on the side of autism and his weapon is stimming

#i wanted to draw multiple stims but this is about the limit of my art and animation skills atm #i was thinking like stims that he can do while acting neurotypical in the brotherhood #like flipping his wrench or cracking his knuckles or taking apart and putting together something #but all i can draw is. stimmy hands. #hes *MY* comfort character and *I* get to project onto him #fallout 4 #paladin danse #animation #gif #my art #neurodivergent danse #pls send me any autistic danse hcs i love them a lot

[u5an5]

How big is a chance that it not that Roach was killed before MW reboot timeline like some people trough but will be a deliberate Soap replacement instead?

#hot take #cod mwiii #mwiii spoilers #garry roach sanderson #as in “you are one man down and you need all the help you can get so take this dude” in-universe replacement #and by deliberate i mean that it would be made specificaly to be noticed #i think it would be nice opportunity to talk about grief and moving on #by them being constantly reminded of their loss by just his presence #not explictly at first but small things that slowly snowball #them slighly grimacing when somone calls him 'their sergant' #them giving him a side-eye when he tries to get more touchy with them (even first time they shake hands looks awkward) #him trying to crack a joke to break the ice and them staring at him in dead silence for few seconds before moving on without a word #him saying something in weird accent/diferent language (my hc lately is him being part irish on mothers side) and ghost from habit answerin #“english macta-” and cutting off in the middle with furrowed eyebrows and storming off without another word #and him being just a perfectly normal dude that is competent enough to be made part of their team at the moment of notice #just too soon for them to accept him as anything else than a cheap replacement #call of duty #cod #mwiii #john price #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #mw ii #mw2 #cod modern warfare