ONE HOUR AGO: greg abbott, who i have the great displeasure of calling my governor, is calling for the expulsion and jailing of ut austin students exercising their first amendment right to freedom of speech an assembly. every single motherfucker on the right soooo concerned about the first amendment seems to be creaming their pants over college students being brutalized and arrested for protesting. its fucking reprehensible.
Thinking about Edward Elric as the Amestrian Military's specialest little unfireable boy
State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.
........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.
There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.
And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.
And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.
Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.
Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.
Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"
The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.
The auditor sleeps with one eye open from then on out.
Sorry ive been dead for a while. Heres a lil comic (???) to help distract you from my absence
So... ykno how all of the other neighbors use past tense in their bios except Wally and Home?
Well I had this little thought that when there's not much else to do, Wally would often stand outside Home and wait for his friends. Just there, waiting for them to come around dragging him into whatever silly schemes they have for the day. His own little way of reminiscing about the old times. Or maybe even hoping theyre not completely gone. A habit that gives him something to do at the moment. Something that keeps him grounded while his mind unfurls on itself from the loneliness
Also hot take: Home isn't evil, just really overprotective of Wally since they only got each other left now
trying to de-ab gale and astarion because i refuse to believe they'd actually look like that. Also it just looks better (<- humble opinion). astarion's is a little rougher because i've only edited the normal and not the. whatever the hell the other two are like I've started doing with gale (the way this game handles textures confuses me) But if anyone wants it i probably will upload this as a mod in a little while
yes, yes i know edgeworth’s big wet eyes and loser boy personality have captivated us all, but listen. listen.
phoenix wright
phoenix “genuinely unable to reconcile the girl on the stand with the girl he dated for eight months, a cognitive dissonance so profound it’s ultimately explained by them being literally two different people, but which he first sits with for five years and does not talk about at any point to anyone” wright
phoenix “don’t mention that name to me. i don’t want to talk about it. i don’t want to think about it. i am just going to keep myself in this state of perpetual crisis mode focus on other people’s problems until eventually i die and get to hang out with mia on the astral plane and never have to deal with any of these emotions ever again” wright
phoenix “overnight loses his career and reputation and sense of identity while gaining an adopted, probably pretty traumatized eight-year-old daughter, and rather than leaning on his friends for help, or getting therapy, or taking any time to process any of this, he *checks notes* spends seven years dedicating all his free time and energy to investigating the weird fucking circumstances around it and maintains a friendship with the guy he suspects was behind it all” wright
phoenix "runs across a burning bridge and falls through it, half a day after the game establishes that he is terrified of heights, because his friend is on the other side of that bridge" wright
phoenix “i sure felt surprised. maybe i had my poker face on” wright
phoenix “looking back on it that was actually a pretty dark period in my life” wright
phoenix “don’t ask me how i got started. i don’t remember” wright
phoenix “only you stood still, your eyes calmly watching” wright
phoenix “sometimes, life just sucks” wright
just
phoenix wright
crunchiest man in the world
and all i wanna do is chew and chew and chew on him
"I SWEAR TUCKER IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE "I WANNA END YOUR DAD, MARRY YOUR MOM, AND TURN YOU INTO MY EVIL STEPSON/HEIR AND IF YOU DONT IM JUST GONNA TRY CLONING YOU ONCE MORE" FRUITLOOP AGAIN FOR A SECOND TIME THIS WEEK I AM GOING TO LET MY ROUGES END ME, DONT CARE WHO, JUST GONNA LET THEM FINISH WHAT THE PORTAL ACCIDENT STARTED"
-sent by Unknown Number
When Jason Todd woke up that morning to check his texts. He wasn't expecting this.
When Danny sent that rant text to what he thought was Tuckers number (his old phone got smashed in a recent ghost fight, Sam gave him a new one she wasn't using, and Tucker was out of town for a while so he couldn't help Danny transfer his data yet) he wasn't expecting a rather cyptic response
"Wrong number kid. But just for my own curiosity and concern, who is and where can I find this Fruitloop? I just wanna have a chat with him."