#the rule kicked into affect after the Breakup

[throwingselfoutwindow]

Paul: Wow you guys look horrible.

TK, inches away from passing out: Ya, we have this rule that we don’t go to bed while we are fighting.

Carlos, in a similar state as TK: We haven’t slept in three days.

TK: Well if SOMEONE would admit they are wrong-

#the rule kicked into affect after the Breakup #they are TIRED #911 fox #911 lone star #911onfox #incorrect 911 quotes #tk strand #911 family #carlos reyes #lone star #inncorrect quotes #paul strickland #tk x carlos #tarlos #tarlos lonestar

[lavandulawrites]

Can I get A N Q and X w Poe pls :3

Yandere Alphabet A, N, Q and X with Poe

Can you tell that Poe is one of my favourite characters?<3 (Yandere alphabet request here)

Masterlist

Warnings: isolation

Word count: 418

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Poe’s love is as intense as it can get. His love sick expression and his tight embrace too much for you to bare. When he’s warmed up and not as shy with you as he was, you will find him to be quite talkative. He will drag you out on outings to lavish restaurants, peaceful parks and cozy libraries. He won’t hesitate with spending his fortune on you. He loves to buy you gifts even though you insist that you don’t need 6 copies of the same book. He will follow you everywhere (with Karl of course).

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Of you disobey the rules he has set for you, he will trap you within one of his novels. Worry not. The novel he picked is not a violent one. You won’t have any company as part of your punishment. He will let you out when he thinks you have learned your lesson. When you get back to the real world he will hold you in his arms as you ramble on how scary it was in the eerie silent castle within the book.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If you die Poe will never move one. He will write novel after novel, poetry after poetry about you and his sorrow, but he would never get over you. He will write novels with you in it so he could live out his longing in his literary world, but it’s never enough. He will soon follow you into the realm beyond.

If you breakup with him, it won’t take longer before he abducts you.

If you mange to escape him (which is no easy defeat) he will track you down. He is after all the second best detective in the world, so tracking you down is no challenge.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

You are Poe’s god. He will worship you day and night. Your happiness is the only thing that matters (other than you staying with him). He will do anything in his power to make you his. He will stalk you, sabotage your job and buy your apartment building and kicking out all the residents, including you. You will run to your trusted friend in the end. That’s much is certain.

#yandere #yandere bsd x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere bsd #yandere poe x reader #yandere poe #male yandere #yandere x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs poe #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd poe #edgar allan poe #edgar allen poe bsd #poe x reader #poe #yandere male #x reader

[jaeedraszaerysz]

Bitter truth.

Note: idfk why I wrote this but it happened so...

Also I called the girl Aurora coz why not 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Set in 1984

Warnings: swearing, breakups, cheating, smoking, mentions of drugs and alcohol, threats of violence.

Summary: when Eddie cheats on Aurora and normality seems to turn on her like the wind, she finds herself back with old friends, and the long haired boy may just live to despise his decision.

Metalheads weren't exactly a common occurrence in Hawkins, and even then, only a select few were decent enough to even say hello to in passing.

That is how Aurora found herself dating the infamous, long-haired, doe-eyed "freak"; Eddie Munson. They had much in common, both guitar players, dead set on becoming kick-ass rock legends and changing the world, they both had amazing hair, and they both associated with a very, very dysfunctional group known as "the party".

Aurora had always been close with the boys, having babysat for Joyce Byers as a younger teen and developing friendships with both Nancy wheeler and Robin Buckley, along with Steve and Jonathan later on. She was kind, those who hated her only for her friends and her 'vibe', for her personality was nothing to complain about.

Her kindness even, somehow, led her to a friendship with Billy Hargrove, who drove her home or kept away creepy teenage boys in exchange for the very secret help with homework and patching him up after fights with his father.

She was much loved around Hawkins by those with decent hearts and always seemed to be smiling, radiating a warm energy into any room she entered.

It was surprising when she first started to date the Munson boy, however.

He didn't treat her like a princess, or even like his girlfriend alot of the time. He told her she tried too hard when she listened to heavier music than him, complained about her guitar skills despite them being practically perfect. He picked on her outfits and her hair and lots of things. Yet she stayed by him, and cared for him, taking what little affection she gained in return with a smile.

This is how she found herself approaching Eddie's trailer in the howling wind, in the pitch black on a Friday night. They had arranged to meet up to watch films and play guitar, but for a reason unknown to Aurora, Eddie had neglected to pick her up, so she made her own way.

She opened the door as she usually would and walked through into the trailer, it didn't look any different, but it sounded it. There were hushed whispers coming from the room down the hall and she smiled, expecting Eddie to be hunched over his guitar perfecting a song or two. She noticed the boys habit of talking to himself when he was involved in his music.

She walked quietly to the door and held the handle, pausing suddenly when she realised the door was open a crack. Eddie never left it open. Never. It was like an unspoken rule to the boy. His room was his and his only.

She pushed it inwards carefully and it glided away from her hand, revealing her boyfriends room and her boyfriend.

On top of a girl.

On top of Chrissy Cunningham.

He had his head buried in her neck and neither of them wore any clothes, the items already discarded on the hardwood floor amongst various other objects.

Aurora just stood there as Chrissy shrieked and Eddie turned around like he'd just been struck by lightning. She didn't move, just stood, her arms dropping by her side, swinging subtly like they weren't even a part of her anymore. Like she had become an inanimate object.

She opened her mouth slightly and looked away, nodding her head in the slightest way and turning around, dazed and broken. Her eyes were emotionless and she walked out and down the steps like her life had just been slapped out of her.

She could here the stumble of Eddie trying to get back into his jeans and out the door. He followed her but she continued to walk, even as the rain began to pelt down like the black clouds shared her pain.

Eddie shouted her name but she just wandered off into the darkness, down the road. The rain water soaked through her Black Sabbath shirt and dripped down her arms, past her few tattoos and collecting on her leather bracelets and rings.

Her teats began to fall, basically unnoticeable against the splashing water droplets hailing from the night above her and she dragged her feet. She had her friends but Eddie had been her person. Her reason. Her life. This dealing was foreign to her. Someone so set on ridding the world of people who cheated and lied and fought had caused her more pain than any Hawkins jock or dolled up mother could.

She continued to kick stones up from the side of the road as she went, her breathing becoming heavier by the second. What she wasn't expecting was to zone out and for a familiar blue camaro to pull up beside her.

Billy rolled down the window and pushed open the passenger door for the soaking girl.

"Get in." He spoke calmly, nothing more, nothing less.

She slid in, staring at her lap.

"I'm getting your car all wet." She whispered, trying not to let her crying become detectable.

"You know I don't give a fuck, Aurora. What the hell are you doing out here?" His voice raised but he wasn't angry with her in the slightest. He noticed her shaking hands and offered her a cigarette, which she took, nodding at him briefly before bringing it to her lips.

He raised his eyebrows and after a moment she whispered something.

"He's with her. I went in for our date night and he was with her." Billy's face changed instantly from concern to anger and he held the steering wheel tightly in his fist.

"What." His word was laced with venom and he turned to fully face her.

"I went into his room and he was naked, on top of that cheerleading bitch, Carvers girl." She rested her head back against the seat and a lone tear slipped down her freezing face.

"I'm gonna rip that stupid motherfucker's face off! Who the fu-"

"I don't wanna be in Hawkins anymore. I always talk about leaving but I just need to fucking go. Anywhere. Fuck Munson, fuck Chrissy, fuck Hawkins, Billy. I wanna go."

The boy paused. He brushed his hair back and looked out the window, he turned to watch Aurora blow smoke out the crack in the window and sighed.

"Let's fucking go."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah." He replied quickly, laughing slightly. "There's nothing for us here. Let's go: just you and me. You're gonna be a huge fuckin rockstar and I've been wanting back to california since I got in that fucking car."

Aurora laughed in disbelief and threw her cigarette from the car.

"Right now?"

He made eye contact with her and smirked.

"Right fuckin now."

He drove the pair to Auroras house, where the girl climbed through her window and pulled out two small bags of clothes, some cash, and her guitar, she passed it to the mullet wearing boy and he quickly placed it in the back of the camaro. Aurora climbed back down and ran to the passenger side. The pair speeding off to their new destination. Cali-fuckin-fornia.

☆☆☆☆

Two days later the pair found themselves in a motel just outside Hollywood. They had kept to their words and hasn't stopped till they got there.

Aurora laid on the bed while Billy brushed his hair hastily in the tiny mirror in the bathroom.

"We never thought about where we're gonna live." The boy spoke suddenly, shattering the comfortable silence that lay between the pair.

"I've got a few friends here. Don't you fuckin worry about it."

☆☆☆☆

Six months later and no one in Hawkins had any idea where the ex-king of Hawkins high and the party's sweetheart had disappeared off to.

Some said he kidnapped her. Others they were having an affair and ran off. Others she was pregnant by the boy and the personal favorite of the basket ball team, Satan took them both down to hell.

The party sat in the byers home, bundled up on sofas and the floor and whatever else they could squish onto. Steve fiddled with the channels unconsciously as the kids bickered between themselves.

The Brunette flicked past MTV and suddenly Eddie was all on him screaming for him to turn it back on. It was some music festival interviews, featuring Eddie's personal favorites, Metallica.

His now girlfriend, Chrissy, sat next to him, silently staring down the children on the floor infront of her. Eddie seemed to try and replace Aurora with the girl and max, Robin, Nancy and will were not having it in the slightest, the rest of the party trying to adapt to it.

He shushed everyone almost violently as kirk hammet began to talk through the screen as an interviewer spoke to him about the show about to be played.

☆☆☆

There were tons of famous rockstars on the show; Guns n' Roses, Mötley Crüe, Pantera, Hanoi Rocks, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Van Halen, ZZ top, AC/DC, Ozzy Osbourne and Iron Maiden. It was Eddie's dream.

But during a random interview with various guys from different bands backstage, a very intoxicated Ozzy Osbourne stumbled into the room, his arm wrapped around a girl with bright white hair, adorned in black leather and studded jewelery, her other side held onto by an equally as hammered Eddie Van Halen. She was thrown a box of cigarettes by non other than Nikki Sixx and she lit one, placing it between her rouged lips before being dragged over to the camera. Her black sunglasses hid her eyes as the drunk British man began to speak into the camera.

It was all so cartoon like and Eddie laughed at the screen. Laughed until the rockstar moved back and revealed the girl without her glasses.

"And this," the loud Birmingham accent blared as the bot reached to turn the volume up. "Is Aurora Angel! Fucking mint girl right here this is, best woman guitarist I ever" He paused, forgetting himself, causing the girl to laugh and lean back on Van Halen's shoulder.

"Met?" She suggested. And the man's arms flew round her shoulder, shouting yes and stealing her cigarette before running off.

"Bloody hells, anyways." She laughed and turned to the woman now asking her questions.

"So, Aurora, we know you've been seen on the strip with a man quite a few times now, you seem close? Who is he?"

She bit her lip in thought and smiled suddenly when she realised what the lady was regarding. "Oh shit yeah, no. That's Billy. Best mate and number one fan. He's around here somewhere." She turned, her hair blowing slightly.

She was approached by the boy who still sported the same mullet, who was joined by non other than James Hetfield who engulfed the girl in a hug before joining in with the conversation.

☆☆☆

Eddie stood from his seat, shocked to his core. The kids began to freak out and max was shouting along with Steve.

No way, his girl. Ex-girl. Whom he had cheated on and replaced. Had become a famous rockstar, on hugging terms with his idol.

He felt his insides liquefy when he realised the bitter truth.

His rockstar potential was now 100% non-existent. Not when everyone in the industry was in love with the girl he broke and probably hated his guts for hurting her.

He was totally and utterly fucked.

You guys want a part 2? Let me know x

#eddie munson #rockstar reader #rockstar #eddie munson angst #angst #x reader #eddie munson x reader #metallica #motley crue #guns n roses #van halen #ozzy osbourne #rock n roll #metal #fanfic #fic #hurt

[weareinbloom]

--hologram--

Jay x Reader

-----------------------------

summary: You call Jay after your breakup and he decides meet you again after months without talking. Both of you realise how much you've missed the other.

genre: angst

warnings: kinda emotional but nothig too bad

wordcount: 1,3k

Your eyes roamed over the cities horizon, the last rays of sunshine weakly enlightening the skyline. Faint hues of red painting the sky in an artistic colour gradient. Like the romantic setting in an old cliche drama. Seouls lights are getting turned on one after another, sprinkling bright flashes of white over the scene.

Time passed by in a broken hourglass as you wondered how long you'd been sitting there. The metal of the railing feels cold against your hands which begin to feel numb under the weather.

November has never been kind to his admirers, ruling over the city with overcast days and frigid wind. A harsh reminder that winter is about to knock on the door.

On particularly cold days, he used to put both your hands in his pocket. His cheeks would then bloom in a decent shade of pink, a reaction that never failed to bring a smile to your lips.

It felt like a song written by young lovers meant only for you both. You could listen to it a hundred times without getting sick of it, the lyrics so remarkable you'd remember them in eternity. Surrender to your heart.

The memory still makes your stomach feel warm and your heart beat faster. After all, Jay never showed much physical affection.

The sound of two thin wheels scraping over soil and huffing breath drew you out of your thoughts and brought you back to reality. Turning your head to the side, you catch sight of a familiar black helmet. A melancholy scene of some sort.

"Why did you want to see me?" Jay asks coldly. His hair sticks to his forehead as he puts off his helmet. Cold drops of sweat caressing his cheekbones. He looked like he was moulded from clay, his face even and fair. As pretty as the day you parted.

"I wanted to see you because we haven't talked in a while..."

He avoided your eyes like an illness. Too scared to drown in a river of memories. Recollections of your past still hurt him on lonely nights, the cut that always bleeds. "That's your fault."

His words cut through like a knife, making your skin burn. But he was right; you deserved this as a punishment.

Silent envelops the space around you as he leans over the railing, head hanging low. His fingers clenched, he wanted to say something, but for someone as fascinated by words like him, it was amazing how often they failed him. Hell, he didn't even know what he wanted to say: that he missed you? That he hated you? Or maybe still loved you?

It felt like his head caught flame, and he remembered how you used to kiss his scalp and caress his brain. A ghosts touch still lingering on his skin.

As the silence seemed to overwhelm you decided to ask: "You have a new haircut; have you done it on purpose? It doesn't look like something you'd choose." You realised this the moment he took off his helmet; how could you not? He looked great with it, but he doesn't look like himself, at least not the jay you used to know.

"I lost a bet."

"You did what?!" you couldn't hold a chuckle from escaping your lips. The all-knowing jay actually losing to someone and then shaving his head? "Well, if I'd make a bet, I would force you to shave off everything, not just the sides."

It kills him, you're talking so casual like you haven't seen each other for months. Like you have forgotten what you said.

"It was, but shelly stopped me and brought me to a hairdresser."

Oh, Shelly. Picture perfect, flawless figure, sweet prudent; she's all the things you wish you were.

"Listen, you surely didn't bring me here to talk about my hair. What do you want from me?" You could see the pain in his eyes; it made your heart bleed.

You can't delay it any longer.

"Do you remember the day in February when my mom kicked me out because I was a shame to the family? By now, it must've been around five years ago. And I walked to your house, but your mom wouldn't let me in because my mother called her. I threw rocks at your window, and you managed to let me in over a ladder. I still don't know why you keep a ladder in your house." you mumble the last sentence between breaths. "Both our parents were evil and we wanted to escape reality. So we spent the whole night watching documentaries about alternative entities. And you said: I'll live in a hologram with you because nothing's wrong if nothing's true."

Breathing stops, and clocks stop ticking as memories rush through your and his mind like polaroid pictures. A collision of atoms that happens before your eyes.

Jay and you, with your heads hidden underneath the blanket. Wasabi paste with a burned-out taste. Cycling around the block until the sun kissed the horizon. 'There is a light that never goes out' left on repeat. Hidden smiles under willow trees. Silent book dates, doing nothing yet loving it. Kids with heads inside their dreams.

Jay gazes at you; he watches over your twiddling fingers and parted lips.

He wanted to be mad, to hate you for leaving him in the cold without ever telling him your reason. But he couldn't. These last months were torture, a moon eclipse filled with nothing but darkness. But that didn't stop him from coming here, from seeing you again after he could hear your shaking voice over the phone.

"Can we live in a hologram again? Just for tonight? Make-believe it's hyperreal." With tears brimming in your eyes, you utter this request with desperation swinging in your voice.

"Because lately, I feel like I'm a forest fire and everything I touch just burns to ashes. And if I keep going like this, I might burn myself. It's like my mother always said I'm-"

You didn't realise the speed of your voice picking up and your heart drumming against your ribcage until a warm hand caresses your cheek. Wiping hot tears from your skin.

You lean into his familiar hand, his eyes meeting yours under the blank street light.

An intimate moment shared between past time lovers, and maybe you would've been still together if you kissed in the right place and time.

"Jay, I missed you."

Your words ring through the air and he finally owns the courage to do what he should've done when you walked away.

His arms close around your body, pushing your head onto his chest. His scent encloses your senses as he puts his head on top of yours. One of his arms around your waist while the other secured your head.

"I missed you too." He whispers, and the city sings it back to you.

You fail to put into words what you're feeling. It's like a bloodstream that finally flows again after being clotted for so long. It's like a marathon run or a mountain you scaled without thinking twice.

"I don't know what happened, and you don't have to tell me. But for tonight, I'll stay with you, as I promised." Jay mutters in your hair.

"Do you trust me?"

-------------------------------------------------------

Note: I actually wanted to make this one a little longer but school is pretty stressful atm. Maybe I'll write a second part if you want me to. :)

#windbreaker #manhwa #jay x reader #jay jo #windbreaker x reader

[cinnamonest]

Congratulations, gentlemen. You made yourselves single again! 👏👏

That really made me angry tho :) I wonder how you can get them to stop? Like, the reader tells them that their parents separated because one of them cheated on the other and that greatly affected you, solidifying your absolute loyalty towards your partner?

I can see this backfiring a little bit tho lol (shame on you Venti. Take a page from Benny here, who you're SUPPOSED TO be on the same level 😤)

Ooooh... That's it anon I'm making HCs for breaking up with them and it’s not gonna be pleasant >:)

Modern AU -- breakups

TW: homicide-suicide mentions, intense slutshaming on one, cheating-related stuff, physical abuse/pain, sexism. And like most of these are kiiiiiinda pretty severe, not mild, so you've been warned

=========== Kaeya

It's *other people's* fault isn't it? Other people brainwashed you, made you hate him! But whose fault is it? If there's no specific people he'll just have to get rid of everyone. But he has to persuade you first. Which is why you wake up with either a knife to your chest or a gun to your head. It's simple. Either you get back together... Or you die. Don't worry though, even if you choose to die, he's loyal. He'll just kill himself after killing you and everyone you know and chase you into the afterlife itself. Isn't that kinda romantic in a way? How devoted he is to loving you? Pulls the if I can't have you, no one can line.

Oh, and if you choose to not die, you're going to help. You're going to name every single guy and you're going to tell him where they live and you're going to choose how they die. You get to pick the methods -- one dies by stabbing, one dies by shooting, you can even come up with some creative ones if you want! And you choose who gets what and in which order they'll die. That's how you prove your love. You'll drive to each and every place, get out of the car (at knifepoint if necessary), and go knock on the door while he stands to the side. It's you, so they'll let you in. They probably think you're there to fuck, since you've probably been a cocktease to every guy you know. They won't see it coming.

  And there's another rule. If you start crying, you'll be the one to kill them. If you won't do it, he'll just hold the gun in your hand and wrap his index finger over yours to pull the trigger. Again, kinda romantic in a way. But since he didn't touch it... it'll be your fingerprints on it, and the gun is left at the scene. We wouldn't want you doing anything stupid like going to the police, would we? This is just a measure to keep you from making a stupid decision like that. And then when the police come looking for you, since you're associated with the victim... well, maybe then you'll be grateful that you're locked up in the basement, hidden away. Albedo

Says no. You're flabbergasted for a minute, what do you mean no? You don't get to decide! He says yes he does. His voice and face gets dark and you feel a fear creep up in your chest. You know he's, well, really controlling and toxic, but not... Unhinged enough to do something... Really bad... Right? He takes a step forward. You take a step back. And then you realize that yes, yes he is that unhinged. You tell him you're insane. You bolt. It's futile. Arms latch around your waist and you realize maybe having this breakup alone in your/his place wasn't a good idea. Drags you to the bed kicking and screaming and takes you right there, rambling about how he'll show you why trying to throw him away is a mistake. You're just crazy. Hysterical. Delusional. You don't even know what you're doing.

  Or maybe... Maybe this was intentional, wasn't it? You wanted this. You wanted to make them mad and make them fuck you so that you could feel important and needed. You never expected them to let you dump them, you had no intention of doing so, this was all for attention. And you have the nerve to call him toxic. Girls do this kind of thing all the time, they'll do drastic or extreme things for attention and affirmation without thinking it through, because you can't be level headed, you think with your feelings. Girls blow things out of proportion too, are overdramatic like that, because he's really not as bad as you claim. You're over dramatic. You're making a big deal out of nothing. It's ridiculous.

And if you have to feel pain to understand that, well, so be it. Ties you up, face down ass up, and belts or whips your ass and thighs until you admit it. Admit you're being ridiculous, admit you're just trying to get attention and make him mad, admit that you're immature and hysterical. Once you do that, you can be untied. But because you're overdramatic, you'll go out and make shit up to other people, so for now, you'll at least stay bound to bed until you can be trusted. Childe/Zhongli

He just... well, the reaction depends. Childe rolls his eyes, Zhongli just kind of chuckles. He doesn't have the dark reaction because he doesn't take you seriously. He assumes from the get-go that this was for attention, to make them jealous, you're just like an angry little kitten scratching it's master when it's mad, a kid yelling at their parent that they hate them and "running away", aka going two blocks down the street and then coming back crying. Really, it's like you to pull something like this because you're a whiny little brat that doesn't think things through. That's why you need him, you just are too childish to be grateful. You're petulant, immature. And you'd just come running back to him within 24 hours, anyway. Because you couldn't handle life without him. You'd realize very quickly what a mistake it was.

  But yeah he acts like you're not serious, just rolls off his shoulders. You insist you ARE serious. He sighs, God you're such a child. You're gonna go out there and go fuck someone and then come back and rub it in his face to make him jealous, that's your plan isn't it? That's what he says as he stands between you and the door.

  But you know what? He should let you do it, let you go, then slam the door in your face when you come crawling back. He should. That's what any self-respecting person would do. You are so, so lucky that not only would he take your ungrateful, immature ass back if you did, but he knows you'd regret it so much that he's going to be the mature one here and prevent you from doing it in the first place.

If you want to behave like a child, fine, he'll treat you like a child. Children live with their parents. Children don't choose when they leave or what they do. You'll be like a child... he controls you, keeps you, tells you what you can and can't do. And when children are bad, they get grounded. They have to stay inside and can't leave. Until they learn their lesson. That's the only way you'll learn. And once you've decided to be good, once you can come out, maybe you'll be a little more respectful. Diluc/Xiao/Xingqiu

Assumes there's someone else, isn't there? You've been cheating on him haven't you? Calls you a slut and a whore but, you know, he loves you even though you're a slut. You know who else loves sluts? Yeah. No one. He's the only person who would ever forgive you. Anyone else would think you're disgusting and used.

He needs to know who the someone else is, though. Maybe it's similar to the attention seeker - you're trying to make him jealous. After all, it can't actually be for the sex, since no one else could ever fuck you like he does. You want him to prove himself? Fine. He found several guys when they went through your phone. It's one of them isn't it? Or maybe all of them, maybe you really are a whore. Well, since you refuse to tell him and keep lying saying that's not true, maybe they'll just kill all of them. Happy now? God, you're a demanding slut too. Sluts have no right to be so conceited as you are, they have no right to demand anything. You should grovel for forgiveness. No one else would forgive you, but he does, and you should be grateful.

He gets violent. If you don't wanna grovel, he'll make you. Shoves you down to the floor face down, but before you can recover he steps on your head, pressing your face into the floor with their boots. You can get up after you've told them the guy's name and begged for forgiveness. You insist there's no other guy... Whoops, looks like they stomped and broke your poor nose, based on your shrieking. ...How about now? In the end, you're forced to name a random male friend... Poor guy.

#first i had childe is JD agenda now its kaeya is JD agenda #*sings a musical number outside your door about killing everyone* #I want to punch them in the face but I also want them all to spit in my mouth ngl :/ #lena's asks #atml

[theworldbrewery]

Interpersonal conflict at the table: what do you do?

As wonderful as it would be, D&D is no more free of people having beef with one another than any other hobby. There are many reasons there could be conflict out-of-character at the table.

A rules disagreement turned ugly

A player’s character sabotages another PC, and the players get heated

Someone is perpetually late, not paying attention, or not communicating their scheduling needs

A character’s ideology turns out to be shared by their player, and the ensuing in-character argument is taken personally

Two or more players have an unrelated issue in real life, and bring their bad blood to the table with them

As the DM, it may fall to you to referee disputes that happen out of character when it starts to affect the game. While this isn’t necessarily fair, it still happens.

I’ll admit, I’m still learning how to handle a situation like this. My group has had its fair share of conflicts; I’d imagine many groups are the same way.

No conflict is going to be exactly the same, but here are some basic guidelines to help you get through it:

First, try to consider all the angles. Even if you feel like you have clear feelings on who is right or wrong, if you’re trying to step in for the good of the entire group, that means being fair to everyone and acknowledging your biases. If you can’t do that: please, please take a step back. Ask someone who can be more impartial to help, get advice from an uninvolved 3rd party, whatever you need to do. Keep in mind that everyone thinks they’re in the right and has reasons for feeling the way they do, even if you disagree.

Second, consider your role as the DM carefully. If you’re involved in a rules dispute or someone is metagaming to the detriment of others enjoying the game, you must remember that as the DM, you have a power dynamic with your players. They might be worried about you taking out your anger on their character, being biased because of closer relationships with certain players, etc. If you try to calm a conflict, even if you aren’t personally involved, back off the instant your input seems unwelcome.

Third, if possible, talk to everyone involved individually. D&D is social; it’s collaborative; and if you put someone on blast in a public forum, it doesn’t matter how nice you are about it: they will hate that. If something is going wrong mid-session, either power through by glossing over the issue or end the session early. A little awkwardness at this time is better than a public argument, which is what this can turn into.

Fourth, remember it’s okay if someone wants to leave, but don’t be overly hasty to throw them out. Sometimes, especially in conflicts that occur outside the realm of D&D itself, a rift just can’t be healed. Stay out of conflicts between players if they aren’t directly about the game, try to be understanding of all sides, and let it go if someone wants to quit. However, unless someone has done something you can’t accept, don’t succumb to any pressure to force someone out of the group. For instance, if two players have a bad breakup, you aren’t obligated to kick one out to appease the other. If one of your players was saying racist things and got called out, that’s an appropriate time to tell them they’re not welcome. At the same time, with game-related issues, give a player a few chances to change after you talk to them--an egregious metagamer may not have any idea they’re making the game less fun for everyone else until you talk to them.

Fifth, if you must get involved, be gentle, and give people the benefit of the doubt. Players probably aren’t trying to make others have less fun, so don’t attack them for a roleplaying mistake. Instead, let them know 1) the behavior that you take issue with, 2) the effect it has on you and other players, and 3) a suggestion or 2 you have to prevent this in the future. Be specific, but don’t name names. In a situation where one PC’s sexual advances are creating tension, say “Another player mentioned that frank discussions of sex make them uncomfortable, and I don’t feel great when you hit on my NPCs so aggressively. I know you think of this as an in-character trait, so maybe in the future you can just say “Lancelot is going to flirt with the barmaid” and we can be more discreet.”

Experienced DMs--share your thoughts on handling interpersonal conflict! How responsible do you feel a DM is (or should be) for dealing with an issue? What methods have worked for you?

#dm tips #dm advice #d&d #dnd #rpgs

[curious-menace]

Arkham Scarecrow SFW Alphabet

im really enjoying writing arkham scarecrow. maybe ill do something similar to my random riddler headcanons posts with some scarecrows

long post under the cut

 A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Uhhh, the short answer is no. Jonathan is almost wholly incapable of what most people would term “affection”. His idea of loving is not using you for his experiments, only giving you small doses to build up your immunity( not that that will stop him from enjoying watching you panic). Jonathan leans heavily on gifts and words of affirmation as his language of love ( assuming he can even feel that emotion). He calls you  “my dear”  and “my darling” or once “my pumpkin” if he had too much to drink. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Jonathan would make a good friend if he could ever be wrangled into admitting it. He’s a complete bastard, but he's a loyal bastard. He always goes above and beyond for his friends but it's always in a “aw shit. My favorite idiot needs help AGAIN?!” begrudging , kind of way. You probably met in university/college and if you've stuck with him this long he’d be hard to get rid of.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He never asks for cuddles and is pretty touch adversed as a rule. Sometimes though, He simply plonks himself in your space and expects you to know what he wants. Usually it's gentle backrubs/strokes like you would with a child. Sometimes he just wants your warmth to sooth his aching body. He’s heavier than he was in Arkham asylum but still very underweight so you shouldn't have too much trouble moving him into a comfortable position.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely not. I'm not convinced this man owns more than his books and the burlap sack on his back ,never mind a home. He has plans to take the cloudburst on tour, to go cross country and then across the world spreading fear. That would be a little difficult if he had gotham mortgage sending him nasty emails every other day about missed payments. While he can cook and clean, I doubt you'd want to eat anything he made. Ignoring his filthy hands, he's probably laced it with fear toxin or a lethal amount of hot sauce.

His homemade cleaning chemicals are pretty stellar mind you. They can get blood, piss or tears out of anything. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Scarecrow really is a ride or die kinda guy. If you've wormed your way into his life then he’s going to do literally everything and anything to keep you in it. He’s not above making you dependent on him for safety just to keep you around longer. He’s not a total monster to the people he cares about mind you. If you really didn't want to be with him, he’d let you go….eventually.

I'm not sure he fully understands the concept of a “breakup”on his end. He gets that you don't see eachother anymore but I don't think he quite grasps that it's not because one party is dead. There's a 99% chance he’ll use you for his fear toxin experiments as a way of kicking you to the kerb. If you wake up in a ditch with a text that says “we’re through” you should consider yourself lucky. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I canon arkham scarecrow as having been engaged at one point in his life, possibly around the time of origins. I can imagine his partner gave him a “me or the fear toxin” ultimatum which has led to the man you know now. Despite how he looks, how he speaks and acts, he’s still open to the idea of a partner. He’s a loyal man who can't stand backstabbers, he’d appreciate someone like a spouse/husband/wife to have his back. If he decided he wanted to get married he’d propose almost immediately. It might be more of a business or thesis type proposal with lots of talking rather than flowers and wine and you're likely to be married as soon as you said yes. 

He has a tiny pumpkin ring saved for the occasion. Something like this (image credit https://www.banggood.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle, in a creepy way unsurprisingly. He was a little stronger than the average man before the incident with croc, all that cardio and fighting with batman made him a skinny legend amongst the rogues for how well he could fight. Now? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. Mostly he's calm and soft, especially when you wouldn't expect him to be.  He can still be an emotionally manipulative person but chances are good you're smart enough to see right through him. Calling him on his bs is actually a good way to endear yourself to him. He likes a challenge and he loves it when people think they can outsmart him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hmm. yes and no. Scarecrow is severely touch adversed, but...It's not like with Riddler; Edward is on the autism spectrum and genuinely gets overstimulated by a lot of physical contact, he doesn't usually enjoy it unless under specific circumstances. Scarecrow WANTS to be hugged and held on occasion, but the mere thought of someone in his personal bubble sends his hackles up. 

When he first woke up after the asylum, he clung to you like a lampent. Scarecrow gives and recieves hugs like someone who needs them to breath.Your warmth soothes the aching pain when even drugs couldn't . By the time of Arkham Knight he’s grown cold and distant. His hugs are few and far between and unusually half hearted even when he initiates them. Maybe he’s just preoccupied with batman.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I doubt he’d ever say the words ``i love you” but he’s absolutely going to quote love poetry at you, recite lines from his favorite literature  “shall i compare you to a summer's day” and all that. That’s far better than a simple “i love you” right?

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jonathan is sort of one note when it comes to expressing frustration. Coffee machine not working? Melt it down into fear toxin vials. Line at the grocery store? Gas everyone out of his way. He doesnt get mad, he gets even. He’s not a super jealous person, he’s probably the most secure in himself out of all the rogues in Gotham bar Selina and ivy. But when something does hit his jealousy bone just right? LORD HE IS TERRIBLE. 

Unless you were the instigator, you are 100% safe but the poor soul who made the mistake of flirting with you will never see the light of day again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He can't really kiss to be honest. He lacks a lot of lip tissue and tongue dexterity for deep smooching. He’s quite happy to give you little pecks on the cheek but anywhere else will get sloppy and he's not a fan of that. Jonathan has actually started to bump you with his head like a cat in lieu of kisses. Rare as it is, when he wants kisses he has a tendency to nuzzle into the crook of your neck or rest his head on your shoulder. He likes to be kissed on the cheek , forehead and top of his head. Most other places are covered in scars and lack the sensitivity to enjoy it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He likes to scare kids. It's not as malicious as it is with adults, he just likes to yell boo at them, smiling as they scream and giggle and run away. It's probably the most innocent he’ll act around other people. He still doesnt like them per say but he’ll tolerate them in small doses. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Scarecrow , like most rogues, is not a morning person. He doesn't sleep well and he is hella grumpy when he first wakes up. Expect to watch him shuffle around his hideout like a zombie, still wearing a quilt and his dressing gown as he complains about everything from the weather to the loud creaking of the floorboards. You should present him with food and coffee and then retreat to a safe distance until he’s fully awake, otherwise he’s liable to turn on his grumpy old man routine on you. If he's feeling particularly sore or needy, he’ll ask you to help change his bandages and dressings .

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It really depends on what he feels like in the moment. Sometimes he’ll leave you at home while he goes out to cause general mischief, sometimes he’ll bring you along as a look out. Sometimes it's a low-key night at the hideout reading and sometimes it's a caffeine fueled frenzie of experimentation and lab work with you as his trusty lab assistant.  He doesn't sleep well at night, the aches keep him up. If he were ever to actually go to bed he might find that you make a great pillow.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As much as he resents people having the upperhand with information, it's hard not for people to see his past. His scars are so easily visible, inside and out. He doesn't talk about his past unless prompted. But if you do he’ll quite happily answer all your questions; he’s not afraid of discussing it. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jonathan is a very patient man, not just when it comes to revenge.It takes quite a lot to make him fly off the handle and he cools off again quickly. That's not to say he doesn't hold a grudge like he’s being paid for it, only that it's more of a simmering anger rather than a boiling one.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers most things about you, he has an excellent memory. But that being said he never lets on that he knows these things. He likes to hear you talk about the things that interest you, even if you've told him about it before. Watching you wax lyrical about your chosen subject makes him feel close to you. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

I don't know if it's a favorite or even a positive memory but when he first woke up from surgery after croc you were lying beside him. He was understandably confused, maybe even afraid, but seeing you there brought him great comfort. He didn't know what was happening because of all the meds, but as long as you were with him he was confident things would work out for him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He means well, you should always keep that in mind  before you snap at him. He brought you to the arkham knights HQ to protect you from his plans, he’s given you micro doses of fear toxin to build your resistance and by the time of arkham knight you can hardly move for the amount of guards he has following you around. He’s overbearing bordering on controlling but I think it's because he simply can't admit the thought of losing you scares him, even just a little. You aren't a rogue, you don't know Batman like they do. He just needs to keep you safe from batman, from the police and from the ugly world outside.

Given how weak he’s been viewed practically all his life, I believe he’d resent the accusation he needed protecting. deep in his mind he knows no one man is an island. He appreciates little helps even if he won't say it. He doesn't need protection per say but If nothing else, after being injected with his new toxin, he's going to need someone who’s corpus mentis in his corner for court and medical proceedings.  

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His idea of a perfect date is you two working on your respective projects in comfortable silence, maybe a trip to the museum if he feels like the exercise. Obviously that suits some people down to the ground, myself included, but he gets that it's not for everyone. He’s probably ok with you planning the activities provided you warn him beforehand. 

Given everything he’s been planning for batman, things like important dates and even everyday tasks have a tendency to get lost in the fray. He's not doing it on purpose, He’s glad to celebrate these things with you if you remind him, He's just got his priorities in a funny order.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He shuffles his feet when he walks and is one of those people who always has conversations in doorways. You can never be sure he isn't aware of these habits and is doing them on purpose. He also used to smoke quite heavily but has since given it up due to his throat and lung issues.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's sort of a mixed bag with him. On the one hand he knows he’s ugly, that's the point. You're MEANT to be scared looking at him, he’s leaning into it. But on the other hand his “look” is a carefully maintained visage; if it slips it might lose the intended effect. He might not be as scary to look at or worse, people might look at him in pity. It's not ordinary vanity or narcissism but yes, he is concerned with maintaining the way he looks 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The concept of feeling whole is somewhat lost on him; He’s clearly missing a few screws even in his most lucid moments. That said even in the depths of madness brought on by his toxin, he still notices your absence. Still incredibly distressed In his cell in blackgate, he can often be heard crying out to you for comfort  but is lacking the wherewithal to understand why you're not there. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Given that he has pretty extensive facial injuries, eating is pretty difficult for him. He used to really enjoy bagels and cubanos from gothams many deli’s. His favorite was a kosher deli in The Cauldron, before Joker ruined it. They’ve since rebuilt and while he can't eat many solids anymore , he still enjoys their matzo soup and smoothies. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like most of the rogues, he absolutely can't stand bullies.He also can't stand physically aggressive people; if you're going to even TRY and intimidate him maybe you could use your words like someone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together, rare as that is in gotham. Back when he was a psychiatrist he hated people who were chronically late. Not his patients, most of the time it wasn't their fault  due to executive dysfunction or traffic, but people who kept HIM back and made HIM late were the bane of his existence. 

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Crane is a back sleeper who snores because of his damaged septum.He knows he makes a noise akin to a flip flop in a lawn mower but there is literally nothing he can do about it besides sleep on his stomach. He squirms around a lot in his sleep so even if he starts on his stomach, he’ll be on his back snoring like a dead horse in no time. The only thing that could keep him frontwise is if he were to sleep on you and have you hold him in place. 

#Sfw alphabet #scarecrow #jonathan crane #headcanons #scarecrow headcanons #my headcanons #my stuff

[elsanna-shenanigans]

April Contest Submission #18: I'm Sorry

Words: ca. 1,600 Setting: Canonverse AU Lemon: no CW: angst

Elsa hugged herself not because of the cold. Her Majesty stood at the chamber’s balcony, viewing the fjord in her purple nightdress. She had been here for countless nights, where she relished the silent night to be deep in her thoughts. As the Queen, she had a lot to ruminate about. From the members of the councils, facing her subjects, to the trade deals from other kingdoms, all those things were quite a burden for the lone monarch. But it was not always about the kingdom’s affair she was pondering about.

Her little sister came to mind. Anna had been in her thoughts lately. Ever since they reunited three years ago, she and Elsa were unseparated. From the beginning of dawn to the sparkling stars of night, they spent time together whenever Elsa was free. But the elder sister had Queen duty to attend which limited the time Anna could spend with her sister.

Because of that, Anna slowly took a part in the kingdom’s affair. In the beginning, she only did light-weighted tasks, like organized letters, and started slowly since she didn’t get the proper preparation like her elder sister did. But Anna was able to catch up to speed with the help of Gerda and the Queen herself. And now, she assisted Elsa on a daily basis.

Elsa was grateful that her sister willingly wanted to help her. She couldn’t deny that being the queen can be lonely and having her sister along broke the monotony. She finally had a companion to talk with.  Since Anna was the most trusted person, they freely gossip about everything and talked about the kingdom’s confidential information without afraid of being leaked.

However, Elsa noticed that she saw Anna more than her sister. Every time they met, she felt calm and peaceful. Her heart filled with love and contentment. No one had ever affected her like this. Was this what it felt like to fall in love with? Perhaps.  One thing for sure, this feeling grew each day.

Elsa opened up her feelings to Anna last year after a maelstrom of anxiety she went through. Miraculously, Anna too had the same feeling with her. Since then, their bond grew forevermore. It was good and all but she was uncertain about their relationship and wondering where it could lead them.

Suddenly, a pair of arms with green sleeves wrapped around her body. Elsa sensed warmth on her back and soft lips pressed onto her neck.

“Elsa, is everything alright?”

It was Anna. She might have noticed the absence of her elder sister in bed. She always worried about Elsa.

“I’m fine, Anna.”

“I know that’s not true. You’re hugging yourself in the middle of the night. I know you’re thinking about something.”

Her sister knew herself very well. No lies could ever pass from her.

“Is it about us?” said Anna.

Her body tensed when Anna guessed that she thought correctly. Was she easily readable like a book? She trained all her life to be queen, hard to read. Poised and regal.  Conceal, don’t feel.

For Anna to guess what she was thinking felt like an insult to all those years of training. Then again, Anna was her sister, and knowing her deep down should be expected.

“Elsa?”

Her train of thought halted when a soft voice called her name.

“You didn’t answer me,” she hugged tighter as if their body melding together as one.

“Anna,” her back being pressed by Anna’s chest made her voice hitch. More so the thought that she was about to say. It made it difficult to express it. “I was thinking about us.” The amount of courage she had to muster to say those words. Far more difficult than any negotiation deal she ever made.

“What about us?” she spoke in a low, gravel voice. It sent shivers down to Elsa’s spine.

“It’s difficult to say,” said the queen, pathetically.

“Elsa, turn around and look at me.”

Elsa turned as she demanded. As she turned, she saw a frowned redhead. She could see the inner rage in her sister’s eyes.

“Elsa, you don’t need to hide anymore. You can speak out if anything is bothering you. Especially about us.“

“But Anna. I want to but I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“It’s okay, Elsa. Just say it. I’ll understand.”

Elsa closed her eyes to relax. Her heartbeats soared, filled with anxiety. She took a deep breath, expanding her chest. She held it for a while before releasing it through her nose.

“Anna, I want to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“I’d been thinking about us for a while now. Every day, I imagine how beautiful our life would be when we’re together. Ruling the kingdom with prosperity. Raising our children together. The last person we see before fall asleep and the first to see when we wake up. But…”

“But what?”

Her voice was failing her again. Her mouth opened but the words would not come out. Anna looked intently. She waited for her answer. Her heart beats even faster. Thousands of thoughts flooded into her mind. The possible reaction of her sister. Was she going to be mad? Maybe she would not want to talk to her. Either, all those options were not compelling to Elsa.

“But what, Elsa?”

Anna’s voice woke her from anxiety. There’s no turning back now. She was waiting for Elsa’s answer. Like or not, she had to tell her. For her sake and possibly Anna too.

“Anna, I want to break up with you.”

Silent. Anna’s face went neutral. No emotion came out from the very open person. Elsa hated to see this. Her feisty little sister became emotionless. If that was not bad enough, a trail of tears came down her cheek.

“Oh,” was Anna’s only reaction. The tear poured faster and started to sniffle.

Elsa’s protective instinct kicked in. She hugged her sister, resting Anna’s face onto her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Anna. I’m sorry. I want to make this work but I just can’t.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” she managed to speak while her voice tightened. “We can still be sisters. It was silly of me to think this could go any further.”

“No, Anna. Please don’t blame yourself. Blame me. I’m the one who wants to end.”

“I can’t. I can never blame you, Elsa. I respect all the decisions that you make, even sometimes I don’t understand them. But I always believe you had a good intention in mind.”

“Anna, you’re too good to me. Sometimes, I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s because I love you. Both good and bad. I accept you wholeheartedly without a single doubt.”

“Anna.” Elsa hugged her beloved sister even tighter. She had the best sister and lover she could ever wish and yet, she hurt her again. Is this what it is like to be human? Hurting each other’s feelings? Deep done she didn’t want to but she couldn’t help it.

They embraced each other for a while. Her little sister was still sniffing her tears but had slowed down.

I’m sorry, Anna.

“April Fools.”

Anna lifted her head to face her sister, “What?”

“It’s already midnight. The first of April. I just pranked you about the breakup,” said with a sly smile.

Anna blinked to process what Elsa just said. But slowly, her features started to change. Eyebrows were knitted close, eyelids squinted, the lips tighten with a tense jaw.

“Elsa!” she headbutted her forehead on Elsa’s chest. “Don’t scare me like that.”

“I wouldn’t if you didn’t do that to me a year ago.”

“I wasn’t serious back then. You could tell that I was holding back my laughter.”

“But I fell for it and sulked for the rest of the  week.”

“Served me right for pranking our breakup.”

“Yes, you are.”

A moment of silence for both of them. Elsa rubbed her little sister’s back to soothe her. Anna snuggled tighter as a response.

“You stinker.”

“I know,” Elsa defended herself. “So, are we even now?”

“I guess so. Please don’t do that again. Our bond has gotten stronger since then. Hearing that now almost gave me a heart attack.”

“That I can promise, my love. Do you want me to do anything as an apology for pranking you?”

She hummed while thinking about the apologies. Then she lifted her head, “Say that you love me,” Anna demanded. “Say it, out loud.”

A simple demand but her anxiety hit her yet again. No more fooling around. She had waited for this long enough.

“Anna, I…,” Elsa dropped to her knee, pulled out a box, and presented to Anna, “Will you marry me?”

“Wait, what? Is this another April’s Fool joke?” she voiced in speculation. Who would not when they just got pranked a moment ago.

“No, Anna. This is real. Sorry I had to prank you early. It was bad of me to do that to you. For that, again, I’m sorry. But this is real. I realized you’re the one that I’ve been looking for. The one that I want to spend the rest of our lives together. No one that I want to be with other than you.”

Anna clasped her mouth with her hand. Another tear but this was different. Good kind of tear. A tear where she was overwhelmed with happiness. Such a sight to behold. Her sunshine smiled brighter than a thousand suns.

"You mean it? To be with me for the rest of our life?”

“I do, Anna.  Will you marry me?”

“Yes, I will! Gosh, Elsa.”

Elsa pulled the ring out of the box. She held her little sister’s hand and glides the ring along the finger. She rose back up only to receive the tight bear hug from the young queen.

“Thank you, Elsa.”

“You’re welcome, Queen Anna.”

#elsanna #submission #April 2021 contest #prompt: break

[septembercfawkes]

Mastering Midpoints (The Saviors of Saggy Story Middles)

I've been pulling my hair out lately trying to fix the middle part of one of my novels, and one of the main problems with it, relates to the midpoint. You see, I plotted and largely wrote this manuscript years ago, before I had an in-depth understanding of story structure--like a lot of us have probably done. Heck, a lot of us don't even like thinking about story structure because it feels too restrictive and formulaic, and that's fine. But whether you plot your stories' structures by the books or just do what you want as you go, understanding story structure can be hecka important. And even if you hate it, at least knowing how it functions can be super useful, especially if you are trying to troubleshoot what is wrong with a manuscript, like I was weeks (months?) ago.

Once I realized that my problem related to the midpoint, I was able to begin brainstorming (and praying) how I might fix it. And a lot of times, the midpoint is key in doctoring a problematic middle. I kind of like to think of it as the savior.

The midpoint typically happens in the middle of the plot (no surprise there). It is the moment when new, significant information--or at least a shift in context--enters and turns the story in a different direction.

(Wow, is that definition vague enough?)

Now, the direction of the story can change completely, like a 180, or it may be very slight and subtle, more like 10 degrees, but it changes in a significant way.

Most often, in a typical story structure, the change is this:

The protagonist moves from being primarily responsive to being more (pro)active, in regards to the main plot.

So, it's usually like:

Character responding to problems --> Midpoint (new information or context) --> Character being proactive toward main problems.

The "new information" is just something that allows the character (or audience) to have a greater understanding of what's going on, so that they can now be more active in attacking the problem.

There are literally so many ways this can play out, which is why the midpoint can seem difficult to grasp, so I'm going to grab some popular examples:

In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the midpoint happens when Harry overhears the professors in the Three Broomsticks and learns Sirius Black is the reason his parents are dead.

Why? Because prior to this, he is responding or reacting to the fact Sirius is after him. But after this, he wants to seek revenge on Sirius, in other words, mentally, he becomes active in "attack mode."

In Legally Blonde, the midpoint happens when Elle realizes that she will never be good enough for Warner.

Why? Because prior to this, she is just responding to Warner's breakup. But after this she is actively trying to succeed at Harvard, with an intensity she hasn't had prior--she buys all new materials, studies hard, answers questions in classes.

In Interstellar, the midpoint happens when Cooper, Murph, and by extension, the audience, realize that there is no real "Plan A"--everyone on Earth is going to die.

Why? Because prior to this, Cooper is responding to the destiny of humankind, but after this, he goes into an active "attack mode" by planning to do whatever it takes to return to Murph and Earth right away.

In Ralph Breaks the Internet, the midpoint is when Ralph realizes he can get the money they need from making viral videos.

Why? Because prior to this, he is unsuccessfully responding to the broken steering situation and the internet itself, and after this, he hatches a solid plan to get the cash, with a better understanding of how the internet works.

But a midpoint can be rather loose, which is why it's hard to define and wrap our minds around. For example, I may use terms like "respond" and "reaction" paired with "attack" and "pro-action," but you could argue from another perspective, some protagonists are doing all of them all the time. For example, from the inciting incident, Ralph is trying to actively solve a problem, and same goes for Cooper. But here's the thing. At the midpoint, new information or a new understanding allows them to "attack," better or more accurately, the focal conflict.

Think of it as a moment that jump-starts the protagonist into a different direction.

In some cases, this may be a rather unexpected direction.  

In Lion King, Simba spends the first part of the story reacting to the fact he will someday be king, but then the midpoint hits--Mufasa dies and Scar tells Simba no one will ever love or forgive him--Simba goes into an "attack" mode of sorts, except his is that rather than just responding to being king someday, he proactively chooses to never be king, and takes action by running away and starting a new life. It relates to the main conflict of the story, but his "attack mode" is to actively, intentionally, run away. After all, he thinks he is the problem, so in a sense, he is "attacking" himself.

The content of a midpoint can be very flexible, as you can see from these examples. If you want to get a better discerning eye for what a midpoint is and how many different forms it can take, start pausing movies smack dab in the middle--there should be something around there that enters the story and pushes it in a new direction. You can also try opening books to the middle and searching around there. Harry discovering Sirius is responsible for his parents' deaths is near the middle. In Stranger Things season one, Will's body is found smack dab in the middle, which is new information that changes context, and therefore the direction of the story. And after that point, the characters have to all decide how to act next.

So now that we have some idea of what a midpoint is (significant information that changes the direction of the story, usually by changing the protagonist), let's talk about how it actually works.

Step One: New Significant Information Enters . . .

In order for a story or protagonist to start going a new direction, there has to be something that causes that. Information. Or an event that is new information.

Or at least a shift in our understanding of the information we already have (context shift), which in a sense, is its own kind of "new" information.

But let's not confuse ourselves quite yet.

In order for the information to significantly change the direction of the story, the information itself needs to be significant.

Remember how I broke down what constitutes "significant" a few weeks ago?

Something is significant when it either:

1) Has important personal consequences, or

2) Has far-reaching, broad consequences

So, new information enters the story that has personal or far-reaching consequences. This means that the midpoint itself is either going to "broaden" or "deepen" the story, or do both. And it's going to do this in a powerful way.

Elle realizing that she will never be good enough for Warner has deep (a.k.a. personal) consequences. Harry realizing that Sirius is responsible for his parents' death has deep consequences.

Cooper learning everyone on Earth is going to die has broad consequences--all of humankind.

Simba believing he killed his father has both personal and broad consequences, as it affects himself and his whole kingdom.

Sometimes the new information is big and mind-blowing, maybe even a juicy twist, like in Incredibles 2 when Elastigirl realizes that Evelyn is the real Screenslaver, and she's in deep trouble. Or it can be subtle, like a character making an important connection between information he already had.

Like I touched on earlier. The new information can come as:

Information

- Ralph learning he can make money by making viral videos is straight up information.

- Harry learning Sirius is responsible for his parents' deaths is straight up information.

An Event

- Scar killing Mufasa and telling Simba it's his fault is an event. Mufasa being dead and Simba believing he is responsible is the "new information" (along with the fact Scar actually killed Mufasa).

- In Stranger Things season one, Will's body being recovered is an event that brings in new information. The characters either have to accept he's actually dead or prove to others he is not.

Or a Context Shift

- Dr. Brand reciting a poem he's recited through the whole movie isn't really anything new. But him reciting it on his death bed in that tone shifts the context and gives it a whole new meaning, which leads to characters' new realizations.

Whatever the case, something significant arrives in the middle that changes how the story has been going. And this something needs to have greater potential consequences than probably anything that has happened since the inciting incident.

Step Two: . . . Which Leads to a New Direction or Understanding

Now that new, significant information has entered the story, it means the protagonist or the audience (or both) will change their approach to the problems, because their understanding has changed.

In some stories, the change may be aggressive. For example, in Incredibles 2, I would consider the results of the midpoint to be more aggressive and drastic. Elasticgirl falls under Evelyn's control, and later, so do other superheroes. The midpoint means that this problem is going to be much more difficult to solve than we first thought. (Note though, how all the of protagonists (the family) change more drastically after that moment.)

In other stories, the change may be softer. Sure, Harry now wants revenge on Sirius, but content-speaking, this doesn't drastically change what happens in the plot, until the climax, when he meets Sirius. The midpoint is still critical, for Harry, and for our understanding of the story, but Harry's "attack" mode is not super aggressive. The midpoint largely changes the story's context. We all now see everything with Sirius in a different light, and we also now have more things to worry about.

In either method, the midpoint kicks up the tension, like a catalyst.

Variations

Like everything in writing, you can break rules and play with variations. Once you understand what a basic midpoint is, you can mess around with it, to an extent.

Often a midpoint is, well, a point, a moment, an instant, or a single scene. But sometimes, like plot points, it might be more of a sequences of scenes. It might be a sequence of information. For example, in Into the Spider-verse, the midpoint is when the heroes successfully get the computer from Alchemax and realize where they can get another goober. Prior to this, Miles and Peter are largely responding and reacting to their situations. During the course of the Alchemax scene, they learn to work together, and Miles learns to use his abilities. They also learn some new information about Kingpin, Doc Oc, and the collider. But in the next scene, it's Gwen who says she knows how to fix their problems. There isn't really a strong, critical, earth-moving moment, but rather a sequence of new things that bring them into "attack mode."

At some midpoints, the protagonist doesn't learn new information, but only the audience does. The protagonist can still get more desperate in solving the problems, but it's the audience alone that has the greater context. Because it still changes the direction--our understanding--of the story, has significant consequences, and kicks up tension, it can still work as a midpoint, if an unusual one.

On the flip side, it may be that the midpoint brings in information that is new to the protagonist, but that the audience already knew or surmised earlier, but the fact the protagonist now knows changes the direction and meaning of the story in significant ways, jump-starting the next part of the plot.

Some stories may place the midpoint a little earlier or a little later than the middle, and if that doesn't mess up the pacing or make the stakes drag, why not?

Some stories may even have multiple midpoints. In Story Engineering by Larry Brooks, he talks about this in regards to The Da Vinci Code. One moment is when Langdon and Sophie decide to meet Professor Teabing, who is "The Teacher," and another moment is when they learn what the Holy Grail actually is. Each moment changes the direction and meaning of the story.

In particular, you may have multiple midpoints when you have multiple plot lines. For example, in Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry learning that information about Sirius is a midpoint, but a lot of the other plot lines hit a midpoint near there as well. Harry hasn't been able to get to Hogsmeade, but in that same chapter, Fred and George give him the Marauader's Map--new information that drastically changes his ability to travel. There is also a plot line about winning the Quidditch cup, and near the middle, Harry's broom gets busted and someone sends him a Fireblot, drastically changing things.

For the werewolf/Lupin plot line, near the middle, Snape substitutes D.A.D.A. and teaches about werewolves, particularly how to recognize one. With the Hagrid and Buckbeak plot line, in the middle, the trio learns that Buckbeak has to go to trial, and they promise to help with it. With the Dementor plot line, around the middle, Harry falls off his broom and then Lupin offers to teach Harry the Patronus charm.

In short, every plot line hits something new and significant that changes the direction of it. It is almost always something greater than anything that has happened since that plot line's inciting incident.

If you find your story middle isn't coming together, check the midpoint(s). Think of the midpoint as the nail you hang your story's whole middle on. It transitions from the first half of the middle to the second half of the middle. It's the story's middle middle.  

Related Posts:

Story Structure Explained: Pinch Points, Midpoints, Plot Points, and Middles

How to Write Stakes in Storytelling

What to Outline When Starting a Story

#writing tips #writing tip #writing tips and tricks #writeblr #fanfic #writing a book #midpoint #story structure #author #editor #harry potter #incredibles #legally blonde #ralph breaks the internet

[wormmomma]

MIDSOMMAR SPOILER REVIEW: this movie fucking broke me

CW:RAPE, ABUSE, PEDOPHILLIA

“Midsommar” is a grimm fairytale of sorts. A fairly different homage to the cult film the “wicker man”. “The wicker man” is about a european cult being investigated by a british christian cop, “midsommar” avoids the christian indictment of pagan/occult religious practices. midsommar attempts to be an out and out horror film unlike the a genre bending murder mystery/horror/thriller roots of “The wicker man”. Director ari aster obviously wanted to add to the annals of folk horror by creating an ambitious beautifully horrific and sometimes downright psychedelic film. Ari aster wanted to make a film where you can’t hide from the horror as it all happens in front of you. It's also a breakup movie for some reason? As someone who has seen the theatrical cut twice and the director's cut once I can assure you it misses the mark when taking both concepts. If you're wondering  whether not to watch the film i think that on a technical level “midsommar” is beautiful and has amazing cinematography, but the answer is yes, but no. Jordan Peele was shown an advance copy of the film and told Aster "I think you’ve made the most idyllic horror film of all time" that high praise. But that  being said for personal reasons this will be my final time seeing the film. I think the director's cut is a gorgeous and amazing three hour film. But as someone personally affected by rape, pedophillia, and the victimization mentally or physically handicapped people i cant reccomend this film wholeheartedly. I'm far from squeamish and love films that revel in shock, horror and extremity but I cannot in good conscious recommend a film I almost walked out on. I think Ari Aster has backpedaled immensely in his ability to create horror that exhibits empathy for his characters and the triumphs and tragedies that he subjects them too. “Hereditary” had an amount of emotional pathos for its characters that was almost completely removed from “Midsomer”. The fim feels unreasonably cruel even for a horror movie. Although enjoyable, proceed with caution “Midsommar” is a beautiful, slow, horrific but ultimately controversial mess of a film. 8/10

 (the rest of this review is a plot synopsis and a meditation on the more controversial passages in the movie and is to be read for those who have actually seen midsommar. Spoilers abound!) 

So what’s it  about? 

Midsommar is about Dani, an anxious and vulnerable young woman dating an emotionally abusive and reserved boyfriend named christian. After her bipolar sister commits suicide and murders both there parents, Dani goes on a european excursion with cristian with his anthropologist friends as they study a swedish cults midsommar summer solstice tradition. Dani reeling not only from having her parents taken from her by their favorite child, but also from the lack of any real emotional support goes on a gorgeous, psychedelia, induced nightmare of the cult horror variety. Immediately after touching down on the swedish cult's beautiful grassy commune christian manipulates dani into taking psychedelics. Christian although quite emotionally stunted and quite meek at his core is very sly and amazing at working people. Watching Christian make Dani do psychedelic drugs (mushrooms i believe) to make her clear refusal to take them into something that not only affects christian but also his friends and everyone around them is almost scary in its hilariously methodical toxicity. This leads to dani having a panic attack and from there the hits just keep on coming. Dani then has to watch as two cultist commit ritual suicide. This traumatic incident further escalated when one jumped off the mountain on his leg and needed to have his head crushed by cult members till it turns to meat and dust. To make a long three hour story with icelandic pacing short lets race to the finish line:

Christian begins to be pursued by a cult member named maja. Dani still reeling from seeing two people commit suicide has her worries invalidated by christian and all of his anthropologist bros. The anthropology bro argues about who deserves to break basically every rule of basic anthropology as they try to see who gets PAID for perverting a culture they were invited to study not disturb. Christian eats one of majas pubes. After pissing on a ceremonial tree for the dead, and taking photos of the forbidden religious text (written by an inbred autistic oracle boy) our two american secondary characters are chopped off. Dani and christian are the final outsiders left standing. Dani joins a dance competition (yes really) and becomes this year's may queen. forever to be immortalized in the annals of white female faces shown in portraits plastered in the sleeping quarters of this matriarchal cult commune. Christian is then raped as we discover how all the bodies of our other character are disposed of. Dani, inebriated and vulnerable, discovers christian being raped by the cult and forced to sleep with the 16 year old maja. Disgusted dani vomits and syncs her cries of pain with the cult sister and finally has her trauma validated. She is given the choice to then murder christian as hes trapped in a paralyzed state. Dani decides to burn christian alive in the body of a bear, finally defeating and overcoming her emotional abuser. Dani smiles as the cult writhes in pain from the death of the cult members burning alive with christian.Dani is happy. She has family. She is home.

So lets (finally) talk about maja

“Look at it from an academic perspective it would provide a unique glimpse into our sexual rights.”

“Can i not have a unique glimpse without participating?”

This is a conversation that is awkwardly cut from the theatrical version of midsommar. Christian is being offered to have sex with maja. Maja is a sixteen year old girl. The closest aster ever comes to revealing this fact is offhandedly mentioning maja having her first period. Christian refuses sex and is raped by maja, and the cult while a fourteen year old disabled child watches. There's a lot wrong with this scene. I’ll be honest for personal reasons I was really disgusted by this scene. I feel like im projecting but rape and pedophellia are really delicate topics and should be treated sensitivity. Ive seen alot of extreme very difficult horror films, i've seen rape, pedophillia, and violence explored in meaningful interesting and empathetic ways even ari asters own work like “meet the johnsons”. But watching maja rape christian with what i would assume are her older siblings, aunts, grandmothers, mother and other cult members as a 14 year old boy watches just made me feel fucking dirty. The weird part: it isn't horrific. While cristian was being raped, the audience I was watching it with were laughing. It wasn't scary. it was funny. It's a cognitive dissonance. The audience isn't aware of christians being raped or majas age. Most people assume he's cheating and deserves to be burned alive by dani. Making christian the bad guy of his own a rape is horrific but i shouldn’t need to hunt down that information and watch the film three times to understand that. It makes the movie feel as if its really bad at relaying basic information, at worst it's dishonestly hiding it to make the film more palatable. After putting all the pieces together I was disgusted. Ari aster crossed a line. I felt queasy and never wanted to see this film ever again. The fact ari aster could have made maja of age, or take the disabled 14 year old out the scene entirely, or not have had christian be raped in the first place while reaching a more understandable and tragic ending annoys me to know end, it feel like i watched these characters be used and mistreated for no reason. Just to shock me. It lacks value, it’s  gross and uninteresting. much like christian and everyone involved i feel violated and it's really hard for me to enjoy watching what is an otherwise (although flawed) very interesting and compelling work or art. I’m  still morbidly curious of the next film ari aster makes but i really hope he learns for this mistake and doesn't objectify children in another weird fetishistic male rape comedy routine. It just leaves me confused, disgusted and only makes it more challenging to analyze the more interesting implications of the film. I really appreciated hereditary as someone who has a very emotionally abusive family and has a very hard time processing death. I found hereditary horrific as it is cathartic. As someone who had to quite recently confront a pedophile, midsommar just left me hurt, and trapped. I was reliving some of the worst parts of my trauma as an audience sits around and laughs at it. It all felt so tragic and meaningless. I want to actually give ari asters work an honest critique but he's produced the only work of film that really hurt me and left me feeling violated. I really love his work and I know I'm exaggerating but I hope art never has such a negative effect on my mental health or anyone else’s ever again. I don't blame Maja or christian or the actor who portrayed them. I respect their performances although I have zero respect for how utterly tasteless midsommar ended up being for me. I think I need to learn how not to take art so seriously and try not to invest myself in other people's work. It's a difficult habit to kick. Needless to say, I cannot recommend this movie. If you're able to separate art from the artist and read this whole review without watching the film you're not a bad person for watching it, midsommar is a compelling, difficult experience.

I hope you enjoyed this review and I'm sorry if it got wayyy too personal in the end there. The movie clearly struck a raw nerve for me. if you enjoy this or any review  i've dones let me know. I may reveiw hereditary in the future.if your also having issues with death, rape, abuse or mental health i hope this review didnt make it worse. Everyone is deserving of love, family, community and I hope everyone can find that. Have a good day, and have a safe quarantine.   

#movie #reveiw #horror #cults #ari aster #midsommer spoilers #midso #midsommer #film #jordan peele #bear #analysis #critque #hot take #problematic

[ineffable-endearments]

i just. can i ramble about aziraphale and crowley and passion? i want to ramble about passion.

i don’t mean passion in a way that has to be romantic or sexual (although given that “romance” is a rather nebulous concept that nobody quite seems to know how to define in a way that satisfies even most romantics and there are a number of romantic story elements present for them, i read theirs as romantic because i want to and ymmv).

when i say “passion” i mean intensity, as in their relationship is something that they both REALLY want and really profoundly care about. they initially were thrown together by circumstances, more or less, but then they CHOSE to be together. over and over and over and over and over. despite the danger. despite the challenges to their very identities. if they didn’t care about being involved with each other about as much as it is spiritually possible for either of them to care about anything, they wouldn’t take the risks. but they do.

the arrangement. i mean yeah yes indeed they can use it to decrease their total workload by being more efficient. but as the arrangement develops, the characters keep referring to their fear that it puts them in danger. am i convinced that each would risk their immortal existence to maybe occasionally skip traveling to another city or getting a sore butt on horseback in the grand scheme of things if they weren’t invested in something else about the trading of work? no. not really. they both have other ways of getting around work, i would bet. besides, the first time they broke the arrangement, it wasn’t because of an unfair division of work or because it became less efficient. it was a breakup over FEELINGS. it was aziraphale being upset about the horrible risks he thought crowley was blindly accepting (it wasn’t really that simple), and it was crowley being upset because he thought aziraphale wasn’t committed (it wasn’t really that simple). passion.

the beginning of armageddon! granted, my theory is that aziraphale knew the whole time that crowley was going to come up with some way around the rules like he always does. but still, in the actual conversation, the thing that kick-starts aziraphale’s cooperation, the thing that keeps him talking when he’s already given a decisive “no,” is the promise of crowley’s company. “well then...let’s have lunch.” that’s the ice-breaker.

and then there’s the drama. it’s not everyone’s style, for sure. but in a relatively compressed story, where the characters are actively trying to work through serious stuff and can’t express affection in ways that ill-intentioned outsiders could understand, their passion is probably going to come out sort of sideways, in the form of miscommunications, excuses, heartbreak, subtlety. the fact that crowley went through the effort to keep the eagle lectern, the tartan on the thermos of holy water, the anguish in “they’ll destroy you” and the pleading in “anywhere you want to go.” when aziraphale is convinced that he can persuade heaven to save the earth but they won’t take mercy on demons, and crowley is convinced that there is no way they can save the world but aziraphale won’t leave it, the resulting drama is a sign of passion, because both characters are so deeply affected by each other’s choices they can’t just shrug it all off.

if aziraphale wasn’t really fucking invested in keeping crowley safe (and preferably with him), he wouldn’t have backtracked on telling gabriel and co. where adam was when he thought they’d save the world, and he wouldn’t have met crowley at the bandstand, and he probably wouldn’t even attempt to believe the desperate notion that maybe crowley could return to heaven. (i mean. i’ve seen people say what a stupid idea that is, and it’s true. but you know what that says to me? desperation. that’s an outgrowth of passion. you don’t bother with desperation when you lack passion.) if crowley didn’t give all the fucks in Creation about aziraphale, he wouldn’t have said “we could go off together” (also desperate passion, btw) and he wouldn’t have blue-screened after the bookshop fire and he might not have found the strength to stop time at the airbase.

this is highly, highly, highly subjective, but when i’m reading a story, what usually makes the difference when i’m deciding whether i think characters have strong chemistry in a shippy way is the sense of passion i get from them. like, are they extremely invested in each other in a way that i find meaningful? like not just “do they enjoy each other’s company” but are they profoundly invested? and they just. they are. they really, really, really are.

the key? the thing that really clinches it? it’s the happy passion we get at the end! all of that emotional investment was for real, genuine caring and joy that they get to act out. the zeal with which they play each other in heaven and hell, the laughter on the park bench afterward, the way that the first thing they do upon realizing they’re safe is IMMEDIATELY dive into an hours-long conversation, the ardor with which their last few lines are delivered.

idk what exactly the point here is anymore, just. passion.

#ineffable husbands #ineffable partners #ineffable spouses

[wincore]

heartbreaker | na jaemin

pairing: jaemin x reader

words: 8.9k

genre: ’’’bad boy’’’!au, high school!au, fluff, angst

warnings: jaemin breaks hearts, mentions of underage drinking

a/n: this is cheesy and very long ur welcome (not really!!!)

There’s a simple rule you and the rest of the students at your school follow. Do not fall in love with Na Jaemin unless you can handle getting your heart broken.

But of course, even the simplest of rules are hard to follow sometimes. Especially when the danger you’re warned against is so enticing, so charming and sweet, so warm. School isn’t a place that likes to harbour friendliness or even the slightest of warmth, no matter what they try showing on the outside. No, it’s competition and silence, loneliness and the cold. But human beings, especially children,  somehow have a way of finding light in the darkest of systems, and you’ve adjusted yourself with close friends and people to rely on early. However, it isn’t really possible to be satisfied with just that; no, everyone is missing a softness, a warmth that they’ve tried to live without for so long.

And it’s people like these who fall for Na Jaemin. People who are kind or sweet or shy, people who are tough or bold or frayed on the edges—all of them fall for Jaemin no matter what, because he has the warmth they think they’re looking for, the glow they haven’t seen in a while, feelings they haven’t experienced. Even though his reputation screams danger, his charms are undeniable, his smile stupendously blinding, and his eyes pure and soft. He’s dream-like, and his movements are gentle and caring and kind. Jaemin has everything you want, and everything you didn’t know you wanted till you met him. He just has his way of roping people in, tangling them in his red strings of ill fate, blessing you with his lies. Yet, at the end of it, you’ll be blaming yourself.

You and Jaemin have…a complicated relationship. You knew him when he was just Jaemin, the boy next door, the boy you used to play tag with, the boy you shared secrets with, and not Mr. Heartbreaker, a playboy, the boy you don’t want to get too close to for your own sake, the boy with thousands of hearts in his grasp. You don’t know how and when the boy with the sweetest of words started using them as a weapon, but you guess it was two summers ago. You remember his first victim, Park Jiwoo, easily the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen, with long lashes and an innocent smile. You remember how it had morphed into an empty, lifeless one after the breakup. Jaemin’s first relationship was also probably his longest, and the ones after had ended in a quick trail of several broken hearts.

But people still fall in love with Jaemin, and you don’t blame them. He’ll smile the purest of smiles when you confess your feelings, take you on dates, talk with you on the phone for hours. He’ll hold your hand, sing his ‘I love you’s, look at you like you’re everything. But that’s it. Then it’s over with an ‘I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re meant to be’ and a small, sad smile. That’s how every story with Na Jaemin goes, and to say you’re not curious would be an outright lie. You’ve always been curious since the boy you called your friend stopped talking to you, and the fact that you’ll never get that boy back is upsetting. But as your mother says, friends come and go—you’re the one who’s supposed to keep the light alive within yourself. It makes you wonder how many lights Jaemin has stolen.

“Hello? Anybody in there?” Jisung waves his hand in front of your face.

“Sorry,” you sit up straight. “I zoned out.”

“And missed the entire chemistry lecture,” Jisung shakes his head.

You did miss the entire lecture. But it’s not like you ever listened anyway. You take your bag and get up at the same time as Jisung, when a figure passes by, ruffling Jisung’s hair into a mess. Jisung glares at Jaemin but responds to his grin with a reluctant smile anyway. You still don’t know how Jisung manages to get along with Jaemin of all people, but you assume the beginning had something to do with Jaemin’s persistent stream of affection towards the younger boy.

When your eyes meet Jaemin’s, he grants you a wink, and you ignore it with a sour expression, making your way to your next class. You can almost picture Jaemin pouting, but he should be used to it by now. He should know the fact that there are people like you—too afraid of what their heart will do in Jaemin’s presence, too afraid of the betrayal it might present, and most of all, too afraid of collecting and joining its broken pieces. And there’s your story. You have to pretend you never knew him in the first place—never knew how fast he spoke when he was being stubborn, never knew the mole on his arm you used to complete with a smiley face, never knew how funny he looked with his mouth hanging open watching TV, never knew the secret handshake you made up. No, you don’t know Na Jaemin anymore, because he isn’t Jaemin; he’s the worst kind of person you’ll ever encounter, or so you tell yourself. He’s the kind who takes a heart with a promise and handles it with nimble fingers till he finds a new one, till he no longer cares about the promise.

“Are you going to ignore me all the way to the next class? We have the same class, you know,” Jaemin’s voice snaps you out of it. Ah, speak of the devil and his unrealistically sweet smile.

“I’m not ignoring you,” you shrug. Of course you’re ignoring him; you want nothing to do with him.

“Ah? I thought you were,” Jaemin tilts his head to think, but follows you at a steady pace.

You’re just a bundle of nerves around him sometimes, as you process all the questions that run through your mind every time. Does he even remember? Does he think of you in same detailed way you do? Does he think of you the way of you think of him, with the fondness of old memories and secrets shared? You almost scoff. Of course not. Does he look at you as another heart to break, a nameless soul to be charmed? You don’t want to think about that, but it’s very frequently you find yourself running the same thoughts through your head. You want to know what happened; two years are a long enough time for questions and bitter feelings to pile up.

You exit school to face the end of yet another day, the uncomfortably hot breeze doing little to lighten your mood. You’re often glad your house is far away, and you have a lot of time to think and be with yourself, before you have to do homework and be rooted to the real world again. The walk home is either the best or the worst part of your day. It depends entirely on your train of thoughts, the weather and the events around you. Today, however, weather is incredibly shitty and the events seem to take lead as they present a rather out-of-breath Jaemin by your side.

You almost jump at the sudden contact of skin against your palm, and Jaemin looks you in the eyes with panic written all across his face. They think he’s too easy-going, stress hardly ever showing across his features, but you remember the expression he had made when he had kicked the soccer ball into your grumpy neighbour’s house with a loud crash.

“Help me out just this once please,” he whispers in a rush, and drags you by the hand, almost running.

“Wh- what is going on?!” you huff as you take quick steps to follow behind Jaemin without tripping over your own feet.

“I’ll explain when we’re out of sight,” he says, looking back at you once.

Soon enough, you’re at the entrance to your house, and doubtfully glancing at Jaemin while unlocking the door. Is he really going to stay here? You’re not very sure about the strange appearance of your school’s infamous heartthrob right by your side.

Jaemin sighs in relief once you’re both safely inside, before turning to look around with wide eyes and his lips parted.

“Wow,” he breathes, “It’s still the same.”

You’re slightly taken aback as you repeat, “same?”

“Yeah, your house,” Jaemin says, casually.

“You remember?” you ask, somewhat incredulous.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice soft and eyes shifting elsewhere.

There’s a pause before you remember the dilemma at hand.

“Are you- is there a reason you ran for like fifteen minutes holding my hand?”

“Don’t take it personally, love,” he says, a teasing smile on his lips before they’re pulled to a frown. “I have a stalker. A few probably, but this one’s persistent.”

“I’m- I’m sorry, what?”

Jaemin grins. If he is in such a case, he doesn’t show any fear or worry as you would expect. He almost looks as if he’s joking, largely in contrast with the display he put on while approaching you a few minutes ago.

“Shouldn’t you be more worried?” you ask.

“Well, I mean. It’s not that scary, and it’s not exactly unusual, but I don’t like eyes on me.”

You almost scoff. The entire school has their eyes on him, and he basks in the attention, flashing his winning smile to any crowd waiting to see him, winking at some poor soul who’s been staring at him for too long.

You let out a short, sardonic laugh instead.

“What?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s hard to believe when you say it like that,” you say, still sceptical.

“I appreciate the love and time they give me, I really do,” he says, his features peaceful. “But I like being by myself sometimes.”

“Please, Jaemin, you break their hearts too easily for me to believe that.”

Jaemin frowns, a deep frown, but places a hand over his heart as a show of mock hurt, his lips turning to form a pout.

“I don’t think you should be treating your guest like this.”

“Who said you’re a- you invited yourself!”

Jaemin laughs as he pinches your cheek, “Ah, y/n, you’re still so cute.”

Your ears feel hot and you quickly turn your face elsewhere. You can’t even talk to him for the shortest of time without him giving you reasons to flush hot red. It makes it very clear that your childhood means nothing whatsoever to him; you’re just another heart waiting to be a part of his collection.

“Whatever- just um- just- don’t touch anything.”

“So I have permission to stay?” Jaemin’s eyes light up as his lips quirk upwards.

“Sure,” you respond, a little unsure yourself.

You’re not sure how you end up with Jaemin sitting on the floor of your bedroom, him looking around with curious eyes, but it makes you a little heartsick when you think you were like this at some point in your life. You don’t know why the wound hasn’t closed yet. You don’t know the boy in front of you anymore; people change in the strangest ways and perhaps you were too unprepared. That’s why you’re still baffled by these thoughts.

“You still have the stars we stuck?” Jaemin says, squinting at the ceiling.

“That my dad stuck because we were too short to reach the ceiling,” you correct.

Jaemin chuckles. “You looked cute trying to jump around and reach it.”

You roll your eyes, and divert your attention to the windows of the house next to yours, the familiar blue of the curtains contrasting with the reds of the boy in front of you. His eyelashes flicker up and down as he scans you, an unreadable expression on his face, and you feel yourself getting more and more uncomfortable under his gaze.

“Are you really here till evening?” you try to distract yourself.

“Getting excited?” Jaemin asks, moving closer to sit beside you.

You fight the untimely blush, and glare at him. “Excited for what?”

Jaemin smiles at you, a smile the Devil would claim to be his own, as he places his arms on either side of you, effectively caging you. You almost feel the air leave your lungs, with Jaemin far too close for liking and no sign of his blood-boiling smile disappearing any time soon.

“I can hear your heart beating from here,” he continues smiling, looking straight into your eyes.

In a flash of a second, your mind restarts and you push Jaemin with as much force as you can muster. He lands backwards on his butt with an ‘oof’, and rubs his back with a pained expression.

“I was just teasing, love, you didn’t have to get violent,” Jaemin explains, placing his hand on his hip.

“Well, that’s called harassment and I am going to stay far, far away from you now,” you say getting up and sitting on your bed with a scowl.

“You’re adorable when your cheeks are all pink,” Jaemin says, a certain twinkle in his eyes.

You face away from him, getting grumpier by the second. Jaemin doesn’t stop asking questions, and you wonder how anyone could fall for this idiot. His grin fascinated you once, but it just reminds you of all the girls and boys that feel their heart flutter seeing it for the first time. You’re nothing special; you’re just more cautious than the others. His lips are chapped although you’re sure he came in this morning with his lips pink and soft. You remember his mother scolding him for not taking care of himself in middle school. His eyes are still unreadable, but they’re strangely kind. You wonder if it keeps that warmth even when he’s off crushing someone else’s heart, winning another easy game.

“You’ve been staring at me for the past five minutes,” Jaemin’s lips quirk upwards. “Wanna tell me something?”

You scowl again. “You’re so full of it.”

“I like the compliments.”

Jaemin winks. Is he being extra just because its you, his old friend, or is he this way with everyone? It’ll always confuse you, the way he behaves around people; you’re never sure if he’s painting an image for himself, or if he’s really that sweet, or nice, or funny. Looking at him now, he’s getting on your nerves more than anything, and your old resentment probably adds fuel to the fire.

Your mother is delighted to see Jaemin in your room again, and her stream of compliments (“You’ve grown so handsome!” “Ah, you must be capturing hearts every day!” “Such a sweet boy!”) brightens his wide grin, as he speaks to her politely and sincerely, like he doesn’t have a notorious reputation at school, like he doesn’t ruin lives daily.

Jaemin leaves with a curt goodbye, and his dazzling smile; and you’re met with a slap to your head by your mom for rolling your eyes at him. It would be a waste explaining Jaemin’s situation to your mom, and it’s not like she’d want to meddle with your life too much anyway. Besides, you wouldn’t actually want to ruin his perfect image, no matter how much he annoys you.

Jaemin goes home with a strangely giddy feeling in his chest. He tries to fight the smile making its way onto his way that started with the onset of the flutters. It’s been quite a while since he’s felt this way, and he should be afraid, he should run already but the feeling is strangely addictive. Jaemin sighs when he enters his room. He pats his cheek a few times, Get it together, Jaemin, you can’t lose.

Maybe it’s because he’s been uneasy the past few days; the heavy feelings being replaced by the surprisingly light-hearted ones because of you probably caused this sudden dilemma. You aren’t even a player in the game to Jaemin. He could have tried sweet-talking, flirting, all of his other naturally attractive habits on you, but he always refrained. It felt wrong to let you fall; it always feels wrong when someone falls for him. Jaemin knows he won’t be able to help his fears, and he’ll have to run before he loses, before his own heart takes damage. Even if it’s the same fear he gets with everyone he’s dated, he’s been careful enough for you to not be one of them. He’s never known why, but the idea of it felt worse than the others.

Jaemin sighs again. Today felt different with you. It felt right. Right for him, his heart and his feelings. He wonders if that’s what all the people he’s dated felt for him in the beginning, still feel for him. That’s not a good sign. It means he should stay away. But the feeling resides in the pit of his stomach and he can’t wipe the idea of you.

Jaemin sometimes hates who he’s become, and the feelings associated with him. It’s comes naturally to him, all that he does, but he gets the feeling in his gut that it’s wrong. Jaemin doesn’t know why he still does it. Fun? Sometimes, but not really. Out of boredom? Again, same answer. Fear? That might actually hit close. He doesn’t mind the reputation he’s made if it will keep people away from his own heart, as they approach him with theirs. Jaemin just doesn’t find love beautiful anymore. Feelings are messy and unclear when they’re your own, even if you see them clearly in others. He’s ready to do whatever it takes to keep his prized possession safe. But it’d be a lie if he said he didn’t like showering his affections on someone else; he’s got a lot of it, but he never seems to be able to help the ending.

He’s been more distracted, perturbed these days, especially after Yangyang found his own pet to play with. But the weird thing is, they aren’t a pet at all, they aren’t a way to pass the time, aren’t a result of an inability to exercise self-control—the fact that they’re genuinely in love makes a sick bitterness pool in Jaemin’s stomach. He doesn’t want to feel this way; he’s never wanted to feel this way. It just so happened that the tide rushed in and he got stuck in the current.

Jaemin scowls at the ceiling, lying on his bed. If he can’t sleep, he might as well do something, he thinks as he gets up, running his fingers through his hair. He exits his room; he’s never liked staying inside for too long—it gives him a headache and makes him nauseous.

The night is slightly less hot than the day, but Jaemin likes this kind of weather. He could get something to eat now, hopefully Red’s Diner is still open, although he doesn’t necessarily have to worry about that. The manager gives him a free pass up till two in the morning. He plugs in his headphones and starts walking.

What Jaemin doesn’t expect is trouble, although he should by now. He barely escapes some burly guy, brother of one of the seniors he’s dated, with a bleeding lower lip and possible bruising in his chest. Jaemin hates getting hit in the face. His friends might be able to take a beating, but he prefers staying away from fights; it’s just not his kind of thing. He’s only learned defence, and picking physical fights just seems too childish for him. He sighs and hopes he can still buy something, and then he can go home, clean his face, and then eat.

You massage your temples, sitting alone at a table for two. You just wanted to breathe, you thought, as you had made your way towards Red’s, the unfinished book in your hand. The diner’s still fairly empty as when you had arrived, and you’re glad it is. No one’s there to witness the darkness under your eyes, or your parched lips as your eyes scan the words on the pages. Sleeplessness has given you a mild headache, but you don’t stop reading. It’s an otherworldly experience—to read your favourite book at a diner at midnight, but your peace is disrupted soon.

Na Jaemin stands at the entrance, a look of surprise across his face when his eyes meet yours. His lower lip is swollen and there’s dried blood by the side of his mouth. You can see a few cuts here and there if you squint, but before you can decide what to do, Jaemin takes a seat across you.

“Did I get hit that hard or are you really here?” Jaemin says, mouth dropping open.

“What- What is that supposed to mean? Jaemin, what happened?!”

“So I’m not hallucinating,” Jaemin leans forward.

“Are you- are you flirting?!” you look at him incredulously. “You really did get hit too hard, didn’t you?”

“I don’t really wanna discuss this right now,” he whispers, pointing towards his lips and frowning.

“Well, it doesn’t look too good to me,” you whisper, equally aggravated. “You should get it cleaned.”

You mentally curse yourself for letting your worries show. You’re supposed to stay away from this one guy, but you surely can’t leave him when he’s this hurt like this.

Jaemin snorts. “Yeah, right. I’m getting my food first.”

You don’t know what comes over you, but anger rises in your throat and all the way up to your forehead. You feel a sudden rush of energy as you grab Jaemin’s hand, and place the money for your food on the table before leaving, grumbling about how stupid someone can be.

“Where are you taking me?” Jaemin asks from behind you, his steps reluctant but complying.

“My house. It’s only two minutes away.”

You hope he doesn’t take this the wrong way, and that this is the last you see of him. He owes you at least this much, to stay away from your heart.

You stumble to your bedroom in the darkness, hands roaming around for the light switch. You feel glad as soon as you find it, and place a finger over your lips facing Jaemin. You push Jaemin inside, and close the door behind you, turning to rummage through your first aid.

“You have a really strong grip, you know?” Jaemin comments, standing a few feet away from you.

“Just sit,” you sigh. He follows and waits patiently as you gather all you need and stand in front of him.

“I didn’t even get food,” Jaemin complains. He’s about to open his mouth again when you glare at him, and he makes a show of shutting his mouth up.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you see the look on Jaemin’s face. His eyes are widened, his lips barely parted, as he gazes at you with an unreadable emotion. It’s not a common expression you see every day at school, but you ignore the intensity of his gaze as you press the cotton against his lip. He flinches at first, but stays still for the rest of the time you take working.

It’s silent the entire time all the way up till you put on a band-aid on his jaw, and dab some antiseptic cream on his lower lip. Jaemin doesn’t speak even as you place your first aid kit away, and halt in front of him. You’re unsure of what to say as you clear your throat, but Jaemin opens his mouth instead.

“Will you patch me up every time?” he asks, a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

“No,” you respond immediately. “I just- I felt bad for you. That’s why. I’m not- I’m not doing this again.”

You stutter out your words, and Jaemin notices, his smile only spreading to his eyes. Why did your impulse have to bring him here?

“I like it when you worry about me. Remember when I sprained my wrist and you stayed over?”

“I’m being nice,” you say, crossing your arms. “And why do you even remember that?”

“Don’t you?” He looks at you curiously, and you sigh.

Jaemin pouts as he stands up, and he flinches ever so slightly, but you notice it anyway. You narrow your eyes at him.

“Did you get punched in the chest?” you ask, maintaining your stance.

“Hu-huh? I- I might have. I don’t really remember.”

“God, you’re so stupid,” you sigh.

Jaemin tilts his head, eyes not really focused. Does he even know how bad a chest injury can get? You curse yourself for caring this much. You could send him off like this; you’ve done enough, but no, of course not. This sort of impulse always get the better of you.

“Take off your shirt.”

“Woah. No one I’ve dated has been that bold before.” Jaemin’s eyes widen as he fakes a scandalized expression.

“It’s not like that, you idiot,” you flush red at his unnecessary comment.

You find flowers of bruises on his chest, and a few scratches. You get your first aid again and treat him once more, complaining about how stupid he is. You’re not very rational right now, you’re much too sleepy and you’re only running on adrenaline. Your grumbling isn’t even the worst you could do.

After Jaemin slips his hoodie back on, he flashes you another smile, accompanied with a wink. It’s like he teases you on purpose. You scowl, and look the other way. You don’t even want to think anymore; you’re just keeping it together till he leaves and you can crash. A part of you is still curious, though, unfortunately.

“How’d you even get beaten up this bad?” you ask, the words coming out reluctantly. Just who could beat up your school’s most adored boy?

“The…the boys,” he answers, his pitch slightly higher as he gulps, “They ran into some trouble.”

You scoff. “I didn’t think you were this bad at lying, Jaemin.”

“And how would you know?” he retorts, eyebrows twisting in confusion.

“I know that face,” you mumble.

Jaemin falls silent as he looks down at his hands on his lap. He looks back up after a few seconds, and opens his mouth but closes it soon after. Why does he look so guilty?

“It was some guy…the brother of someone I dated…I don’t really remember.”

Jaemin looks away, and you feel a mixture of anger and pity. You’re not sure if it’s the tiredness speaking, but you chide him, “If you don’t know how to fix something, don’t break it.”

Jaemin holds a small smile for a few moments before responding quietly. “I wish it were that easy.”

“Whatever, Jaemin, get some rest,” you say, patting his shoulder.

Jaemin stands up with a sweet, genuine smile. “Thank you.”

You find yourself smiling back for the first time; it’s present even as he leaves, and you send him off with a note to be careful as you watch his figure carefully make his way through the streets. You smile in your sleep too that night, but you don’t remember what you dreamt of in the morning.

“You look chipper today,” Jeno notes as Jaemin breaks into another grin.

“I do?” Jaemin’s eyes twinkle, but he doesn’t elaborate although he’d really love to.

“Stop pretending,” Renjun shoves him. “You know you want to, so spit it out.”

Jaemin shoots a look at Renjun, and massages his shoulder. “I’ll tell you if I want to. Stop glaring at me.”

“Let me guess,” Renjun says, a teasing smile on his face. “You’ve found the love of your life!”

Donghyuck snickers from behind Jaemin, and even Jeno looks amused. Yangyang resorts to shrugging, a sly smile making its way onto his face. Jaemin turns around to look at Donghyuck first.

“I knew you weren’t sleeping,” he glares while Donghyuck responds with a ‘hm’, his cheek pressed to the desk and eyes closed. Sometimes even Jaemin doesn’t get Donghyuck and his sleep schedule. Does he sleep in class to piss off the teachers or does he really not get sleep at night?

Jaemin turns to look around at the rest, still shooting Jaemin bemused looks.

“What? I’m not going to date anyone right now,” Jaemin shrugs. It’s true. He doesn’t feel like going through the process all over again. He hopes it’s not because of you.

“Do I hear correct?” Yangyang quirks his brow up, mock surprise on his face.

“I heard it too,” Renjun interrupts, mouth open in an exaggerated gasp. “Na Jaemin, Mr. Heartbreaker, isn’t going to date? How are you supposed to keep up your reputation?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “You guys are something else.”

Renjun grins, while the rest look equally amused after poking fun at their friend. However, as soon as you walk into class, Jaemin suddenly finds him staring after you. He finds it interesting how you never spare him a second glance, like you didn’t clean his wounds and treat him with all your care last night. He found your touch warm, soft and very, very real.

“Oh, it’s like that?” Renjun interrupts Jaemin’s train of thought. He feels uneasy at the comment—is he being obvious? That’s the last thing he wants.

“Why don’t you just use your usual tricks on them? If you’re that interested,” Yangyang suggests.

Jaemin isn’t interested, he swears he isn’t. But the more he promises himself the more the dreaded realization dawns that he probably is, that he might break your heart. He scoffs internally. It’s too soon, and he won’t date you, certainly. He made that decision a long time ago, and even though you don’t talk to him anymore, he couldn’t do that to his old friend. The ones who come to him pleading with their hearts, the ones who readily give it up when he shows the slightest interest—they never felt like anything to Jaemin, just a shadow of the warmth he could have felt, that they probably felt with him. Na Jaemin doesn’t fall in love easily, no. It’s what his reputation says, and it’s what he decided two years ago when…he shudders at the memory.

“How do you even make all of them fall for you, Jaemin?” Yangyang asks, not paying a lot of attention. “It’s like you speak magic.”

“Seems like they like the look of danger,” Renjun laughs.

“Then girls would be all over Donghyuck,” Jaemin declares, trying to catch a glimpse of the boy behind him from the corner of his eye.

“I heard that,” Donghyuck grumbles, propping his face up on one arm. The others laugh; Jeno is the only one who shoots Jaemin a concerned look, before turning back to his notes.

Jaemin takes one last look at you and decides, no. He’s going nowhere near your heart. But he’s allowed to rekindle old friendships, right?

You don’t get why Jaemin keeps buying you chocolate milk after lunch. Is this his repayment, or is he looking for something more? You shake your head at the latter idea; even if he did, you’re going to be strong and ignore him. You already have some of the answers you were looking for—yes, he remembers, and yes, he knows who you are, he hasn’t wiped off your history entirely from his brain. You don’t have as much curiosity left, and you can be on your own path now. Without him popping in at random.

You almost groan out loud as Jaemin sits beside you, chocolate milk in hand. You don’t show any distress, opting for a small smile and a polite ‘thank you’. Jaemin frowns.

“Something’s bothering you,” he says.

Yes, Jaemin. You.

“I think I look a little bothered all the time,” you say, looking elsewhere. “Don’t worry about it.”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow but he doesn’t question further. You’re not sure why he’s being nice, and it’s scary. You don’t know what he’s like these days, whether he has other things in his mind now. It’s scary because you don’t know what he’s up to; you’re afraid because you can’t trust him. He’s in the middle of explaining how Renjun almost got caught with his artwork once when you interrupt.

“Jaemin,” you say, “Why are you doing this?”

“What- what do you mean?” Jaemin tilts his head.

“This.”

“I thought being nice is a good thing,” he pouts.

“Jaemin.”

Jaemin falls silent, and you think he’ll crack another silly joke and avoid the issue. But he stays quiet for what seems like hours before finally parting his lips.

“Are you afraid of me?” he asks, the same deep look in his eyes that he had when you were cleaning his cuts.

You scoff. “Who’s afraid of you?”

You’re not about to tell the lion you’re afraid of him and then walk right into his den. Jaemin smiles bright as usual before looking down at his hands.

“It’s nice talking to you,” he says.

So you let him talk to you. That’s all he does every lunch break, and you don’t know why the wall you put up shakes at the foundation so often. It’s nice talking with him, in fact. You’ve also somehow become Jaemin’s medic, and every time there’s a fight, he ends up at your house with you swearing at him while treating his wounds. You don’t know why he does it, why he keeps showing up even if his face is the last thing you want to see. You don’t know why he keeps getting into fights, if they’ve always been this regular an occurrence.

When Jaemin shows up once more, this time accompanied with more than some gashes and bruises, you’re almost overtaken with panic. He looks as if he’s about to faint, and whispers a “please” before stumbling right into your arms. You carry him to your room to inspect his wounds. As you lay him on your bed, you discover he still has some consciousness left in him as his eyes follow your every movement. You do your work, realizing he might have a mild concussion although there’s no sign of bleeding.

“What happened this time?” you whine, worry seeping into your tone.

“Baseball bat,” Jaemin manages, voice low and raspy.

“You stupid boy,” you almost hit him yourself. “You never fight back, do you?”

Jaemin smiles before fluttering his eyes closed, leaving you on the verge of a heart attack.

“J-Jaemin? Oh my god, are you dead? This isn’t right- what if I get sued? Wake up you crazy—”

“I’m awake, I’m awake!” Jaemin’s eyes open once more. “I feel like I’m getting hit in the head again with your yelling.”

“I wasn’t yelling,” you grumble. “You must have one hell of a skull to not have died.”

“Of course,” Jaemin smiles despite the obvious pain. “Just let me sleep here tonight.”

You comply, patching up his wounds and applying the necessary. The look on Jaemin’s face is enough to convince you to give him your concern. After all, he’s a friend. But that’s all he is, right? You mumble a ‘good night’, not sure why, as you take your pillow and blanket to the living room.

Jaemin knows he shouldn’t but he keeps coming back to you. He likes the way your thumb brushes across his cheek when you check the bruises on his jaw, or the way your eyes focus on him entirely. He loves hearing the concern in your voice, even as you’re scolding him. But most of all, he adores your touch. It’s a warmth he’s feeling after a very long time, and he’s finding himself addicted.

It’s no good, Jaemin tells himself, The damage is done. Ah, but there’s always more to suffering, isn’t there?

You find yourself at a quaint café you’ve never visited before, on a Saturday afternoon. The walls are beige, and there are pink sticky notes in the shape of hearts on it. The lighting is mild; it’s mostly sunlight doing its job, but Jaemin manages to shine brighter.

“You didn’t have to do this,” you tell him. You don’t know why you still refuse to be too long in his presence. After all, you’re not exactly doing the job of staying away too well. Might as well give up.

“You keep saving my life, and I can’t even repay you?” Jaemin makes a face. “What kind of a man do you think I am, y/n?”

“A very extra one,” you scoff. He’s still the overly cheesy goofball you knew in middle school. The thought warms you as you eventually smile back at Jaemin. Every time his excitement shows up as random spasms of energy, his eyebrows moving with the tone of his voice, every time he laughs at his own joke, or when he apologizes for all the cringe that escapes his mouth, not really meaning it, every time he rolls his eyes and gets all sour if you ignore him—you’re reminded of Jaemin, the boy you know, your friend. His smile, by far, is the most reminiscent of your childhood, your friendship. It hasn’t changed one bit.

Jaemin offers to walk you home but both of you get distracted by the dog park on your way back. It doesn’t feel like you’ve been apart for two years, like Jaemin has a different reputation altogether now, like Jaemin is the last person you should be hanging out with. It’s the Jaemin you know, a bit more mature at times maybe, but the same in the end. You find a twinge of a feeling unknown in your chest as you watch Jaemin play with a little pug, trying to get it to give him a high-five. You’re not supposed to be feeling this, right? This is what you’ve been afraid of so far, isn’t it? But then, why does it feel so sweet?

“Is that Na Jaemin’s new sweetheart?” your ears catch onto some whispering behind you, as you sit with Jaemin on a wooden bench.

“Wah, I’m so jealous,” another voice whines.

“Don’t worry, he’ll dump them soon enough. You could try then.”

The voices bring you back to your bitter reality. 

You breathe in. What were you even thinking? You should never have let Jaemin open his mouth in your presence. You’ve let it happen; whatever you were afraid of is already beginning, and there’s no helping it now. You start to turn your head, but Jaemin suddenly wraps an arm around your shoulder. He pulls you closer, and you feel a certain dread rising in your throat. The voices behind you disappear, probably disappointed, and you feel worse.

“Don’t listen to them,” he whispers, his voice strangely worried.

You can’t stop the flurry of thoughts that pass through. Is he treating you like another toy to play with? Just a way to pass the time? Of course, he’s just trying to add your heart to his collection. There’s no other explanation as to why he would start talking to you again after so long. If he really wanted to rekindle your friendship, he would have contacted you sooner. 

You don’t know how to trust him at all, do you? Your heart hammers in your chest as you turn to face Jaemin.

“Are you playing with me?” you ask, looking him in the eye.

“What- I- Of course not!” he looks taken aback.

No, no, no. Na Jaemin is a liar and you should never trust him. That’s the one rule you have to follow. He looks nervous, that you can tell from his face. You can’t believe how you fooled yourself for this long. Friends don’t treat you the way Na Jaemin has for the past few weeks.

“I…have to go,” you tell Jaemin before getting up and walking away as fast as you can.

You don’t understand the sudden settlement of panic, but you can’t think, can’t breathe. You feel like an idiot; this is what you get for letting your guard down. Jaemin can’t possibly want to be your friend - every single thing he does adds up to his schemes, plans you don’t want to get caught up in. You ignore his calls from behind you, but he catches up to you eventually by the side of the lane that leads to your house.

“You walk too fast,” Jaemin pants. His hair is in disarray from the running, his jacket halfway off his shoulder, and his cheeks flushed red.

“Jaemin,” you say as you stand there, frozen, “You’ve changed. And I don’t know you now. I’m sorry, but I think I really am afraid of you.”

You’re afraid of Jaemin, yes, but you’re also afraid of your heart.

Jaemin’s sharp intake of breath draws your attention, and you stand your ground as he walks closer to face you.

“It’s not like that,” Jaemin reasons, “It really isn’t.”

“When is it not like that, Jaemin?” you say, your voice heavy, “I’ve seen too many people cry by their lockers to believe that.”

Jaemin falls silent, and maybe you imagine it, but a flash of hurt makes its appearance across his face.

“Why do you do it?” you ask, your brows knitted. “Why do you keep doing it?”

Jaemin’s frown deepens. You know he probably won’t answer, that you’ll probably have to walk away soon. But he steps forward, his face barely a feet from yours as he speaks with uncharacteristic fear and sadness.

“Because I don’t want my heart to break,” his voice cracks, eyes shaking and looking down at his feet, and you feel pity among the mix of emotions stemming in you.

Before you can respond, Jaemin steps back. An almost inaudible ‘sorry’ escapes his mouth, as he turns around and leaves. And you let him leave, too confused with his answer, too confused with his actions, his smiles, his words, everything he does. You enter your bedroom with a heavy heart, and a nagging thought that you might have hurt Na Jaemin, a heartbreaker and a friend once upon a time.

Jaemin sighs as he hugs his pillow tighter, laying on his bed. Does he ever do anything right? Is he really as horrible as you think he is? He’s got so many questions he doesn’t have the answer to, and a hole beginning to form in his chest. Jaemin sighs once more, feeling anguish for the first time in a long time.

“Do you wanna talk about it? This is like- the eight hundredth time you’ve sighed,” Jeno says, not taking his eyes off his phone screen.

Jaemin sits up. He knows he called Jeno over; he’s the only one that listens as closely as Jaemin likes, but right now, he doesn’t feel like talking at all. Besides, Jeno’s too busy with the stupid game and it’s irking Jaemin even more.

“I messed up,” Jaemin says, finally.

“When do you not?”

Jaemin throws the pillow at Jeno, which effectively stops his gameplay. Jeno grins at Jaemin, who barely returns a smile before lying back down on the bed.

“Y/n should be the one here right now, not me,” Jeno says, “That is, if you want to talk it out.”

“I can’t do that,” Jaemin furrows his brows.

“Why not?”

“I’m- I’m not even that interested. Why should I waste any more time? It’s not like I’ll die without them,” he scoffs. “Maybe I should finally text that girl back. What’s her name again? Yoojung? Yoosung?”

Jeno stares at Jaemin, almost sighing. “You’re rambling out of bitterness now? You really did get feelings, didn’t you?”

“I did not!” Jaemin says, pitch a little higher.

Jeno sighs, leaning back against the wall. “I know you promised yourself you wouldn’t after…that. But I think it’s a good thing. And it’s y/n too! They know you best out of all the ones you’ve dated.”

“We’re not dating.”

“Which is surprising. This is the first time someone hasn’t fallen for you within two weeks.”

Jaemin makes a strangled noise, somewhat resembling a dinosaur as he turns the other way in his bed.

“It’s also surprising how you’re not running away,” Jeno says, raising his phone once more.

Jaemin turns his head at that.

“You’re afraid of real feelings, right? That’s why you run,” Jeno continues. “This time you’re not even facing reality.

“That’s not true! I…” Jaemin’s voice fades. It is true. He’s usually honest with himself and his feelings. And he knows real from fake. But this time, he’s not sure if he’s deluding himself for you. Is it because he missed you, missed being understood? Or did he decide he’s ready to fall in love again? Fear swells up in his chest at the thought. Absolutely not. He’s not giving away his own heart that easily, even if a part of him is ready to. But maybe, maybe he can let himself do it; maybe you’ll keep it safely with you.

“Talk to them,” Jeno repeats, attention already back to his game.

“Why did you bring me here?” you complain to a nervous-looking Jisung, shifting in his place.

“I- uh. I just thought- that uh, you know- maybe you’d socialize more um,” Jisung stutters.

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re telling me that?”

Jisung looks away, and when he finds Chenle calling him, he looks almost relieved. He scrambles to his friend with a quick ‘bye!’, leaving you all the more suspicious.

It feels strange to be dragged to a party. It feels even stranger to be dragged to a party by Park Jisung. And to top all of it, it’s Na Jaemin’s party, the last person you want to see.

You contemplate leaving, but it’s Jisung who brought you here; and if he’s making an effort to socialize, the least you can do is appreciate it. But the music’s too loud, and there are too many people smelling like alcohol, too many couples making out and having fun for you to enjoy your time. Jaemin’s house might be more spacious than average, but it still feels too crowded, too suffocating for you to be in there. As the last of your patience fades, you make your way upstairs and into any quiet room you can find.

The bedroom you enter turns out to be Jaemin’s. You think you should leave; it’s not right to disrespect someone’s privacy, but you have nowhere else to go either.

The ticking clock gets on your nerve as you decide to walk around the room. The mirror is right by the window, and you remember drawing a moustache and a beard on it to substitute actual face painting. Jaemin had taken the marker and drawn spirals over your cheeks, as you whined at him to stop. You almost smile at the memory.

One of the drawers beside the mirror is left open; Jaemin’s still so careless, you realize with a huff. You turn to close it, but the sleek black diary catches your attention. Is it the one you and Jaemin used to draw in? You can’t help yourself as you take it out, promising you’ll keep it back immediately.

But the notebook you take out barely contains any drawings—it’s full of letters. There are hundreds, maybe more; each page is a short letter to someone and there are a few loose pages stuck hastily. It’s the words, however, that catch your attention.

Dear Chaerim,

I honestly do think your laugh is the sweetest. Please don’t feel insecure. I’m sorry for breaking your heart.

Dear Haeun,

I admire your intelligence, your hard work. I know you have the brightest future ahead of you, don’t you worry about it. I’m sorry for breaking your heart.

Dear Seohyun,

Your eye makeup is always lovely, as are your clothes. Don’t fuss over them too much. I’m sorry for breaking your heart.

Dear Minsoo,

I loved making you smile, especially when your dimples showed. It looks much better than when you’re frowning. I’m sorry for breaking your heart.

Every line you read gives you strange sense of pain, like you feel the emotions the words were written with. Are these Jaemin’s words? Does he feel like this every time? If so, why does he still do it? After going through half the letters, you’re still nowhere near an answer. Midway through, a loose paper falls out. It’s a light shade of pink, contrasting with the faded white of the notebook pages, and the letter is only one line.

My dearest Jiwoo,

Why did you break my heart?

You sit on the bed, trying to understand Jaemin through the words he’s written. Is this Jiwoo the Park Jiwoo, Jaemin’s first real relationship, and perhaps… first love? An unknown feeling settles in your chest as your brain tries to figure out the boy you swore you wouldn’t care for anymore.

Footsteps break you out of your trance as you hastily shove the notebook into the drawer, shutting it close. You’re a little terrified to find Jaemin enter, his eyes shining as they meet yours.

You’ve never wanted to hold someone as much as you want to hold Jaemin as he looks at you with the sweetest, purest of expressions. When you watch him slowly make his way towards you, you let your fear reside. It’s just you and your feelings, and you have barely a few seconds to just let it be over with.

“Jaemin,” you gulp, when he sits beside you.

“Don’t,” he whispers, a faint smell of alcohol mixed with perfume wafting towards you.

Jaemin places a warm hand over your cheek, thumb moving in circles as a source of comfort. You breath hitches in your throat when he leans in, and for a moment, you think he’s going to kiss you. You realize with a thud in your heart that you want him to kiss you. He stops a few centimetres away, not close enough for you to feel his breath on your lips, but enough to see him eye to eye. Jaemin sits back straight, the warmth of his hand leaving your face and you, disappointed at the lack of touch.

“You saw it, didn’t you?” he asks.

You pause before nodding reluctantly. A defeated smile forms on his face.

“I never really want to, you know?” he continues, “But I’m always so afraid.”

“I’m…I’m sorry,” you say, looking at your hands. “For overreacting that day.”

“No, no. You weren’t wrong.”

You look up back at Jaemin, and you can still find a hint of fear in the way the corner of his lips tremble.

“You’re worse than her, you know?” Jaemin smiles bitterly. “I’ve never been so afraid before.”

Jaemin takes your hand in his and slowly places it against his chest. His heart is hammering faster than yours, and you wonder how he’s keeping up his breathing. No matter how guarded you are, you think, Jaemin is more guarded.

“I am so, so afraid,” his breath hitches in his throat.

Jaemin leans in again, and this time you know your lips touching is inevitable. But he moves slow, and you find the fear in your heart spilling out the questions.

"You're...you're going to hurt me," you whisper, your eyelids flickering down halfway.

"I'm not playing this time," Jaemin's voice breaks, his words coming out as a whisper over your lips.

"Why?" you ask, doubt pooling in your chest.

"Because I'll lose."

Jaemin looks at you for a moment, and then he leans in once and for all, your lips meeting in a pending kiss. He pulls away several times to press more and more kisses against your mouth, as if he can't believe it, can't believe that he's actually kissing you. His grip around you tightens as he pulls you closer, and he hums against your mouth when you kiss him back.

You pull away with the need to breathe, and Jaemin begins to lean in again when you cup his face to stop him. You’ll admit this felt perfectly right, but there are things you have to make sure of.

“Jaemin,” you breathe. “You’re not drunk, are you?”

“One drink isn’t enough for that, love,” he replies with a small smile.

“It’s still illegal,” you grumble before pausing. “You can promise me something, right?”

Jaemin looks at you, expecting you to continue.

“Don’t break my heart,” you say, your voice small.

“I should be telling you that,” Jaemin says with a laugh before placing his mouth over yours once again. You smile into the kiss, and he does, too. Whatever this is, you’re willing to give it a chance. You think it’s time your heart is let out of its cage.

Everyone starts school the next day with a letter in their locker. There are mixed emotions—mostly bittersweet, some forgiving and some upset. But Jaemin still stands with a polite smile and apologetic words, and an added gaze full of affection towards you. If it’s for you, he thinks, he’s willing to start fresh. Besides, he’s wanted to apologize for a while now.

Jaemin finds that once he starts kissing you, he can’t stop. It doesn’t matter to him anymore, the others. He can only see you, hear you, feel you, and it’s a new yet much longed for feeling that he’s experiencing. Jaemin isn’t afraid anymore, even more so after a few months, even during graduation. It’s like learning to trust all over again, like experiencing freedom for the first time. Jaemin finds himself smiling often, happy smiles. His heart that was once broken into pieces, that he once had to glue back all by himself now has you and your heart to take care of it.

#fun fact i intially wanted this to be set in college but nah #anyway who should be next in the series #send an ask babies! #nct scenarios #jaemin scenarios #nct dream scenarios #na jaemin scenarios #nct imagines #nct reactions #nct au #na jaemin #jaemin reactions #jaemin imagines #nct fanfic #nct x reader #nct writings #jaemin x reader #na jaemin x reader #nct jaemin #nct jaemin fluff #nct fluff #nct angst #bad boy!au #moonwrites #high school!au #jaemin fluff #this plays out like a kdrama and i feel embarrassed help m e

[caritarizzo]

New Stories in the New World

Rule number one:  Always document your anguish in the moment.

The processed thought involves none of the true drama or despair. The night in question I was so dramatically done with everything: tired of trying to keep myself and my life together when everything around me was falling apart. Tired of watching a career I’d built over two decades years sputter with no real hope of recovery.

Tired of being told that, with all the time on my hands, in the wake of the annihilation of my professional life, I should just write a book. Because that’s how books get published. You. Just. Write. One.

Like I hadn’t for the past seven years carried around the weight – and a 100-plus-page manuscript – of a story that is mine but cannot be told without tangentially affecting the lives of those who have behaved poorly with me or towards me. I haven’t yet had the strength to face that battle, so I keep kicking the “just write a book” can – certainly that book – down an endless road.

Here’s the thing: I am tired. And I don’t really want to bathe in stories that make me more emotionally depleted. I don’t want to be weighed down by my now so-very-distant past defined by me behaving badly, or resentment for what my career might look like through the rose-colored glasses of the early aughts when there was still sexy money to be made for sexy assignments. It’s time to make the now sexy. Find new stories to tell.  

I want to create something that carries with it no old emotional weight. I want to write for me, not because at the end of the experience there’s a great lesson learned (and a personal essay to place at an outlet that validates that experience).  I want to see if I still love writing, period.

I want to live out my Under-the-Tuscan-Sun-Divorce-Dream and fix up a farmhouse in the French countryside. Maybe ultimately this blog is about how I find love on a French farm with a rugged Hallmark handyman (with whom I run a construction company, after we save a quaint bakery and organize a Christmas parade.)

But first comes the prep.

Which is why I have signed up to study surface technology. “Umm, what-the-what?” you say. It means painting. Wallpapering. Tiling. All those things you need to restore a farmhouse (and other properties) in the French countryside (or capital). And since I have no idea what I’m doing I might as well document it. Prep is never sexy, but sure I hope it’s funny. Please, let it at least be funny.  

* If you want to hire me for sexy assignments for sexy money, I have by no means given up on my career, and all that work still lives on www.caritarizzo.com

** If you’re interested in hearing about my book, tentatively named, A Random Series of Breakups, some of them hilarious, some heart-wrenching, all you gotta do is call.

[stvlti]

Short analysis of the character writing of YJ!M'gann / Miss Martian

【Spoilers for S2E07 and S2E10】

When she was first introduced she was just so... vanilla and all-American in all but name that I almost wrote her off. But now I'm 1 and a half season into the series and I gotta say she's had the most interesting arcs so far.

Of course, there's the whole identity crisis and struggles with belonging that she had in S1. In S2, her character flaw and central conflict is revealed in such a way that shows how it affected/affects her relationship with Conner... Effectively solving a mystery of their breakup (as S2 throws us into the story in media res post-timeskip) and kick-starting M'gann's arc in the same breath.

Really gotta hand it to S2E07 "Depths" for the way they've handled the reveal. Every single line in that bioship conversation she has with Conner is designed to reveal information without going into heavy exposition territory (and in fact put us through the characters' own emotional turmoil):

M'gann: So now we're never talking again?

Connor: Gee, you read my mind.

Those are some fighting words, and the grim sarcasm there tells us something happened between them.

M'gann: I don't have to read your mind to know how you feel, Connor. But the breakup was your idea.

That's our cue, and a smooth segue into the reveal.

Connor: Don't pretend you don't know why.

M'gann: I know, I know, you disapprove of how I use my psychic powers.

See M'gann's dismissive tone ("I know, I know") and the words she uses that minimises the situation ("disapprove") tells us that she really didn't know why Conner proposed the breakup.

Connor: You mean how you abuse them? Ripping intel from the minds of your victims with no concern for what it does to their psyches.

This conversation comes at the heels of M'gann's apprehension and psychic "interrogation" of the Kroloteans. YJ does it again! Planting details that look suspicious to advertise for a future conflict / reveal.

M'gann: They're not victims, they're the bad guys! That information is helping the Team, the League, the entire planet!

This I find very interesting, because didn't the others tell her it's okay to use her abilities on "the bad guys" (that the bad guys are the exception to the rule of telepathic 'etiquettes' on Earth) in S1? So she's not exactly a villain here, she's just parroting the same black and white thinking that most kids her age held.

Connor: And leaving your victims in a catatonic state. It's not right, M'gann. You're behaving no better than Psimon!

That Psimon comparison! Shots fired, and you can see M'gann's shocked face accordingly. This is what a realistic couple's spat looks like - pulling out all the stops and saying just the right thing that can hurt each other.

M'gann: If you feel that strongly, why not tell Nightwing? Or the League?

Connor: I was hoping I mattered enough to make you stop. I didn't think you'd try to tamper with my mind. Try to make me forget I was upset with you.

"I was hoping I mattered" - heartbreak time 😎

M'gann: Connor, I'm so sorry about that.

Connor: Sorry you did it? Or sorry you got caught? After all we'd been through... How could you think I wouldn't recognise your touch inside my mind? Didn't you know what that touch meant to me? And to have you... pervert it like that.... Guess I was kidding myself. I mean how replaceable was I? Two minutes after I ended you're dating the rebound guy from the Black Lagoon.

"How could you think I wouldn't recognise your touch inside my mind?" Goddamn that's a romantic line

"Didn't you know what that touch meant to me?" It is at this point that, if you have the context of everything that went on in S1, you realise Conner is the person that shared M'gann's troubles in her mindscape so fearlessly when she was having doubts in herself. (Conner also saw her real white Martian form and didn't love her any less.) "After all we'd been through..." - that is the significance of her telepathic "touch" for him. So little words, yet so much is said in Conner's lines.

(There's also a little bit of fridge angst/drama here when you remember that Conner has had a bad experience with telepathic manipulations due to his time in Cadmus; M'gann was his first and only exception, he trusted her with his mind. And everything she's done so far in S2 - both on screen and as regaled in this conversation - betrays that trust he's put in her.)

And then, YJ does that thing again with its brilliant writing, picking subplots back up with a sustained continuity a few episodes down the line. And so the impact is that much greater when we see her continuing to misuse her telepathic powers until finally in S2E10 "Before the Dawn" she commits a grievous error on an ally, an error that may not be able to be reversed. And of course that sequence ends on Conner noticing that M'gann did something, yet also seemingly missing her internal turmoil, the beginnings of a lesson in guilt and remorse. This is some top notch character conflict and development (for M'gann) through trauma.

#young justice #m'gann m'orzz #miss martian #supermartian #yj meta #i gave up trying to sequence and order my s1 meta #i'm gonna come back to it but i just wanted to put this out while i've got the momentum #dc txt

[curious-menace]

Arkham!Riddler SFW Alphabet

When I started this one I figured it would be easier since I can riddle as bi and ace and this is all non-sexual but my god was it difficult. It's hard to separate what i'd like from a partner like riddler from what this version of riddler would actually be like.  I've done my best but if you have anything you'd like to add, feel free to hmu!

LONG POST UNDER THE CUT

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Edward can be affectionate in quite a superficial way. He’s not above using someone's affections for him to get what he wants out of them and he certainly isn't above feigning affection for the same reason. Although unless you were head over heels for him, his faux sincerity would be pretty obvious. 

However with a partner he actually likes i can imagine he’d be very affectionate with his actions more than his words. Riddler loves to talk but expressing actual love can be difficult for him, whether it’s romantic or platonic, saying how he feels about you is one of the few things that doesn't come easy. I can see him spending a lot of money on you as a gesture of affection; fancy food , clothes, first editions of your favorite books or vintage versions of whatever you collect. He’d quite happily pay for your education/college and any and all books you might want. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Being a “best friend”  would probably be at your insistence and not his. He’s likely left any childhood friends behind (assuming he had any to begin with) and I think as an adult, Edward would have trouble making friends. Like most things, Edward treats friendship as just another tool in the bag, he can count the people he actually gives a shit about on 1 hand. 

If you were lucky (or unlucky depending on your view) to be considered one of those friends, expect lots of phone calls about bailing him out, riddles turning up in weird places ( like in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn in a while) and him helping you out with your cerebral challenges( like your quarterly tax return, no eddie i can't just NOT do it will you put down the rubix cube and help me)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’ll never admit it, not even under pain of death, but Edward likes to be held. Now there's a few caveats to this; his rules and on his terms etc.  He likes to lie between your legs with his head on your chest, either facing you for a hug while he naps or away from you, using you like a pillow while he reads or tinkers with something.  He likes having his hair played with and his back gently stroked until he falls asleep.

He keeps up the facade of being totally touch adversed for good reason, the other rouges just do not respect personal space, even ones like killer croc and clayface. For the sake of his suits, he keeps this up even in private. But if you were someone special to him, you might convince him to toss his arm around your shoulder or waist. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

When he’s doing well mentally, he’s pretty good at taking care of himself. Or at least, looking like he takes good care of himself. He can cook and clean a little but he has the cash to pay other people to do the more menial or time consuming stuff for him. Not that he’s above it, he just prefers to spend his time on other things and is happy to compensate people to save him from doing it. These days he's more focused on other things to be bothered with domestic chores, his place is very messy. 

Settling down is an alien concept to him, not one he’s eager to explore. Expect him to turn his nose up at the prospect of marriage but a platonic long term partner, someone for company, someone to act as a sounding board for ideas or even just someone to (gently but firmly) kick his ass into looking after himself would be pretty ideal.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d probably be thinking long and hard about it beforehand. Like weeks if not months in advance. He’d want to give you the perfect breakup and, depending on what happened, try his best to part as friends. He doesn't deal well with sudden changes to his routine, particularly with no plans ahead. On the other hand he might just pussy out and ghost you. He’s fickle like that.

If it was your doing, well. Edward takes these sorts of things as a challenge. He might even assume you were joking the first time around. After he got the message, I sense he’d probably be quite clingy and upset. It’s taken a lot for him to get so far with you and he wouldn't let it go without a fight. He might try to change or at the very least , be better at hiding whatever it was that you want to break it off.

Failing that expect a lot of texts from blocked numbers almost but not quite begging or apologizing and asking for more chances.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Like I said above, marriage isn't for him. I doubt he'd be compatible with a religious person given his childhood and outspoken atheism. He MIGHT if pressed, give you a question mark themed ring or token as a reminder that you were his. No papers, no ceremony, just something small. If you proposed expect him to be flustered and , if you can believe it, at a loss for words. He might go radio silent on you for a few days before giving you an answer but i honestly couldn't tell you what it might be. He does enjoy the thought of someone referring to him as “my husband” thought, so maybe persistent begging i'll get you somewhere. 

Some sort of Commitment appeals to him from a practical point; having someone to rely on, to fall back on and to care and be cared for by. It's not a normal relationship by any stretch of the imagination but it’ll be special all the same.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Edward isn't an imposing man. He might be tall but he’s all sinus and no mass. He has gentle hands but can be careless when he’s in a mood ( with objects, never with you). He's broken a lot of plates, computer monitors and mechanical pencils over the years. He lacks a lot of social grace to treat things with the necessary amount of sensitivity sometimes, but he has the sense to at least TRY and be emotionally gentle. Situations of abuse or self worth issues, things he has personal experience dealing with are things he can easily empathise with .

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Short story, yes but only coming from a trusted partner. Long story is that he has a hard time not flinching when someone hugs him by surprise. You should ask before you do it. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Edward is the kind of person to fall head over heels very quickly. He might say I love you before it's socially appropriate, it honestly might make you a little uncomfortable. But once that initial infatuation dies he's a lot more guarded with his feelings. He’d say i love you in a superficial way quickly but a genuine i love you with real emotion would take a lot of time and thought from him before he actually committed to it. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

If you look up jealousy in the dictionary, you'd see Edward's picture. Obviously he is a deeply insecure man, he’s terrified you’ll start to think of him the way he thinks of himself and seek out someone better. You need to nip any signs of jealousy in your relationship in the bud early on. Otherwise Edward will become controlling, manipulative and possessive to the point of alienating you from other people, simply for the sake of having you to himself. You need to set healthy boundaries while also doing your best to accommodate his need to be validated and his need for reassurance that you do in fact want to be with him. He gets snappy when he’s jealous, with you and other people. He has temper tantrums like a child if you don't agree with him. Like for example if he thinks someone was flirting with you and you tell him they were just being friendly. 

All that said, I genuinely don't think he does it for the sake of being a controlling partner. He is just so very afraid that someone he actually gives a shit about will leave him like everyone else in his life. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

I should point out that he doesn't kiss often. But when he does,He’s all over the damn place. What he lacks in experience he makes up for in enthusiasm. He is a very sloppy kisser when he gets into it but generally his kisses are very short and chaste. Like i said, he doesn't really know what he's doing so he's all over the place in terms of location. I think smooches on the cheek  because it's easy access, for him and you. He likes body worship, so if you're kissing him, anywhere will do as long as you're praising that part while you do it. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Edward does not like children but he’s good pretending for the sake of his image. Childrens naturally inquisitive nature coupled with his bright and colourful appearance makes for some entertaining moments but in the long run I can see him worrying too much: about screwing the kid up, about being perceived like his father, about the child not meeting his expectations etc. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He's more of a night owl tbh. If you're living with him he might wander into the kitchen while you're getting breakfast , wondering why you're up so late. You'd have to tell him he’s accidentally pulled another all nighter. He might have coffee with you and talk about what he was working on, maybe ask if he could have some breakfast with you. But by the time it's cooked he’ll have passed out on the sofa.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Edward prefers to work and operate at night so expect him to be in a flurry of activity, building things, calling people and working at his computer. He likes to have company, even if you aren't doing much talking. It would be nice for him to just spend time with you while you both work on your respective projects. Sometimes he gets his shit together and lives during the day like most people ( read as, when he’s just been to prison and has an actual schedule for once) he would like to unwind with you by watching game shows or playing video games.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Edward has a bad habit of gloating about his accomplishments but in a way that is so obviously false it unintentionally tells more about him than he really wanted to. Like in Arkham knight, he gloats about “not having any friends at all” in reference to his riddler bots when Catwoman teases him. He meant that as a snipe at catwoman but the fact he’s so open about his lack of friends, to most people anway, is incredibly sad. 

He’s a well known villain, if you didn't know most of his backstory before dating him it would be hard to miss once you were together. He’s unlikely to tell you it himself, having to repeat it time and time again in therapy has him perpetually bored of the subject .

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He gets upset quite easily, he has very limited patience . He’s used to other people's cuts and jibes so he mostly lets that roll off his back with only a little annoyance. But for stupid people, and people outright insulting him, dismissing him or for acting like batman he is liable to start seeing red very quickly . In your relationship I would say he is easily irritated by a lot of things, generally a bit grumpy if things don't go his way but rarely as angry as we see him in the climax of Arkham knight. He doesn't yell or shout at you but he will seethe and let his anger fester for days at a time. He can be very mean when he’s angry. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

You would think for someone with a photographic memory, he would be better at remembering things about you. It's not to say he DOESN'T remember, only that he requires prompting to do so. Yes, he will remember everything about you but he puts it in the back of his head so he can focus on other things. Don't be surprised if he lets important dates slip by or does things at the last minute because something reminded him of it. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It's probably something innocuous that you wouldn't think of, or even realise he was there for. Maybe he remembers meeting you in a coffee shop months or years before you met and started dating. He remembers because you held the door for him or gave him a genuine smile. You were something colourful in his gray day, something hard to forget. I doubt he tried to build a relationship out of that one moment but when he met you again he would remember that and decide that it was fate or something.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Edward is protective in a strange way. He’s most powerful in situations where he controls everything , which isn't usually possible in real life as he's not a particularly strong man. He has more power in the digital world so that's where he feels most comfortable looking out for you. He might watch you on security cameras to make sure you get home safe, send you texts to check in or hide your profile from the police. You can be online together and in the public eye ( for him to brag about you to his online followers of course). To tie back in with his jealousy, he would be pretty protective initially but if you told him to back off, he’d be careful to do it more secretly. 

Edward needs to be protected in a lot of ways, mostly from himself. He’s not good at looking after himself, either physically, mentally or socially. His big mouth gets him into a lot of bother so he might need you to act as a social filter. He’s had several large breakdowns in the last few years and with arkham closed for good, he has no support besides you. He needs to be grounded and kept in the present lest he get wrapped up in his thoughts. 

 T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) 

Honestly? He doesn't really try. He's very lucky in that he can pull something out of his ass last minute and it would still have a similar effect to if he’d spent the whole month planning. Someday it's going to blow up in his face big time but he doesn't seem to care.

Same goes for everyday tasks. He's usually so focused on his own stuff that he doesn't realise other things need done. He's a master of doing things at the last second and still making it look like he put in effort.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a bad habit of underestimating people, even you. He might be inclined to patronise you when you try to do things for him but just showing him that you are a capable human being is usually enough to shut him up. He's very egocentric, narcissistic and conceited, but given everything he's been through, it's not really his fault he's like this. What is his doing is his refusal to work on his faults or try to grow as a person. Perhaps with the right encouragement you could help him but don't hold your breath. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Normally yes, Edward is narcissistic and very concerned with his looks but recently, with his mental health declining, he's forgotten to take care of himself. I imagine when/if he snaps out of this funk he’ll be mortified by how he’s let himself go. He’s more concerned with how he looks socially, how he might be perceived and his reputation than what he physically looks like. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Edward is and always has been convinced he was meant to be alone. He’s somewhat made his peace with that . there would always be a hole in his heart that he really thought nothing could ever fill. But meeting you? Well that changes things. Edward will never be a complete, well rounded person but having someone to kiss his wounds and pour their love into the cracks in his being is infinitely better than being alone. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I mentioned in some of my mini headcanons for him that he used to do gymnastics as a kid. It wasn't so much that he wanted to or even enjoyed it all that much, in his highschool you just had to pick a sport and it was one of the only things that wasnt team related and had the lowest chance of being hit in the head with a ball, bat or racket. He was pretty good at it, even if he didnt like it that much , and probably could have taken home some bronze or silver awards in his state if his parents had encouraged him. Nowadays he can barely do a pullup but he's still got most of the flexibility, even if repeated breaks at the hands of batman have left him a little sore while he does it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Edward doesn't like people appearing to be smarter than him. but his ego usually protects him from acknowledging that fact. he doesn't like bullies, despite being one himself . but his most hated trait in people is alcohol use/ dependency. If he knew you were an alcoholic he likely never would have started dating you but even the odd drink will make him turn his nose up. of course, hes a hypocrite , when hes feeling really sorry for himself he will definitely drink his sorrows away in whatever hole in the ground gotham rogues frequent. the self loathing is as strong as his hangover the next morning. he knows hes like his father, in more ways than one and it makes him sick. any mention of alcohol is likely to bring up these feelings

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Edward is a chronic insomniac but there is one thing that is guaranteed to send him right to the land of nod and that is having his hair played with and his back stroked. I don't know if it was one of the few kind touches he ever received as a child or if his parents did it when he was a baby but it's one of the few things that makes him feel truly safe and cared for. Riddler has spent the majority of his life alone, so finding a partner he trusts enough to allow them not only into his space but also his bed would be a difficult thing. If that's you, however, expect him to be badgering you every night to help him get to sleep.

that took a lot longer than i thought it would! arkham riddler is obviously my favorite so i was trying to write a lot for him but i hope i havent been rambling

if you want to talk more about any of the riddlers, hmu!

#riddler headcanons #The Riddler #Riddler #arkham riddler #sfw alphabet #edward nygma #edward nigma #batman arkham knight #arkham knight riddler #arkham knight #headcanons #my headcanons #my stuff #my art

[memoriesofyccjungrk]

▫︎ ▪︎  ━ 하르츠 JULY 2020 EVALUATION             GLASS SHOES &            DO OR DIE

gahyeon wasn’t going to lie, she hadn’t really expected to make it into the heartz project.

it wasn’t because she didn’t think she was skilled enough – no, she had long grown out of the thoughts that she wasn’t talented enough to make it. because gahyeon is now well aware and far more willing to admit that she was talented, more than she had been when she’d even been signed. gahyeon had grown into a talented performed, and she knew that she was likely skilled enough to get into whatever debut project she set her mind on. gahyeon would like to think that was true, at least. no – it had less to do with doubting her talent than just doubting herself, period. the words of her father echo in her head from when she’d been signed – a voice that only appears whenever she becomes far too comfortable in her own skin. a voice that reminds her that she’s just some poor girl from busan, that she’s thrown away everything for a pipedream she’s never known would ever come to fruition, not for sure.

it was so frustrating that gahyeon had managed to work herself up to the point of being terrified to step into the royal building on june 30. because she knew that june 30 would be the day one of the trainers would finally walk up to gahyeona and yena and tell them that they either made it or hadn’t. stronger was the fear that she wouldn’t make it versus yena not making it, but clearly it was all for naught – because the moment one of the coaches walked up to them that afternoon, gahyeon knew they’d both made it. they’d jumped around, had been excited – this was something new for them, something exciting. but a small realization came afterward.

gahyeon and dongmin breaking up was perhaps unexpected, but gahyeon felt as though it was the best option. with him leaving trc and gahyeon’s schedule changes ( and her ultimately working later into the night than she even did at royal on her own accord ), gahyeon knew they needed to part ways. that even though they cared dearly for one another, things were about to get more difficult – and neither wanted to hold one another back.

perhaps what gahyeon hadn’t realized was how much it would affect her training.

their first few days before the breakup had been tough, but the week following felt like hell. gahyeon didn’t figure she would turn into a shell of herself, didn’t think that she’d feel an emptiness in her chest whenever she was awake – because it was mutual. quite honestly, it was her own idea – she’d brought it up first … so why did she feel so hurt ? why did she feel so alone every time she woke up and wished she could do nothing more than curl up in bed and pretend that the world didn’t exist. that she wouldn’t have to deal with her responsibilities because she was sad – unfortunately, though, she knew that this wasn’t true. despite how she lagged in comparison to how she usually was, gahyeon knew that she had to work hard.

because the trainers didn’t care about gahyeon’s personal life. they didn’t care that she’d just had a breakup – and if they knew, she’d probably get a stern talking to anyway. maybe it was because of things like this that the no-dating rule was in place for trainees. gahyeon guesses she’d never felt more distracted than she did the first week of training with the heartz girls. she tries not to let it show, but it takes gahyeon a little longer to get the steps down to the group routine than it would’ve if she’d been in her right mind. the lyrics just made her want to cry ( why did every sweet girl group song have to be about love ? ) but she held back her tears. she worked half-heartedly on her lines and only spent the time she had to in sphere, leaving at the end of their schedule despite the fact she felt strange going home so early.

but she just felt so detached and wasn’t sure how to make that connection.

it wasn’t just because of her breakup, if anything her breakup only made the guilt of leaving royal worse and more hindering. not to mention, gahyeon didn’t see a way to really connect with the other girls – although perhaps it was because she didn’t want to at the time. the first week gahyeon watched as both heejin and yena made connections with the other girls, and gahyeon herself just felt stunted. she wasn’t good with new people in the first place but moving companies on top of her breakup made it even harder for gahyeon to feel comfortable reaching out and talking to anyone else. gahyeon felt tethered – still felt as though she was pulled backward while everyone else moved ahead of her. she was almost jealous of the fact that everyone else seemed to be doing so much better – but she guesses they were all in very different situations. because under normal circumstances, gahyeon thinks she wouldn’t have felt stunted in the first week – but these weren’t exactly normal circumstances.

after the first week, however, gahyeon knows she can’t keep wallowing. if anything, that was just an invitation to kick her out of the program – and that wasn’t what she wanted. gahyeon had joined the project with an intent to debut with the heartz girls, or at least get something out of the program. she couldn’t let that go because she was upset.

overall, gahyeon never truly decides how she feels about the group performance. if it’s any indication of what their group will eventually do, gahyeon’s not totally against it, but it’s certainly not her favorite concept. it’s sweet, not really the gross shade of adorable gahyeon thought it would be. when she pulls herself back up, gahyeon realizes that perhaps the reason she wasn’t really enjoying her lines was because she didn’t have a lot of them. once she finally managed to focus on what she was doing – what she was singing – gahyeon was just not particularly happy. if not because of the lack of lines, then because a majority of it was vocals. not that she was opposed to singing, but because of the two short rap verses, gahyeon managed to get neither and was instead given one rap line that hardly showed any actual skill she had.

to say she was a little upset with the group line distribution was an understatement – but as usual, gahyeon said nothing. because gahyeon had sung, danced, and rapped to plenty of songs she wasn’t a fan of – had sung and rapped parts she wasn’t a big fan of. she doubted the coaches wanted any input, and either way the other rapper had been here longer – so who was gahyeon to complain ? she just wasn’t sure how she was supposed to show her talents if she wasn’t really given anything to show them with. because gahyeon wasn’t really a vocalist – actually, she was probably the weakest vocalist in the project. the fact that she had to sing for her group evaluation didn’t exactly make sense – hadn’t they watched her audition tape ? she certainly hadn’t sung much, if at all, in that. but gahyeon knew the coaches didn’t care what she had to say – and gahyeon figured it was more appropriate to keep her mouth shut rather than run it off and make anyone mad. if she wanted anything, it was to keep herself in the coach's good graces.

so, gahyeon kept her opinions to herself and focused on the choreography. overall, the performance wasn’t the hardest thing gahyeon had ever done. the girls were all competent dancers and good vocalists, so it wasn’t particularly difficult for them to learn the dance and manage to synchronize their dance movements. with some parts, it was particularly important because the movements seemed random and if they did it wrong, they’d end up just looking messy. not to mention they needed to keep stable vocals during the chorus when they all sang together, which was usually not too difficult to manage. even gahyeon managed to keep up with the vocals in the chorus, but probably because she had the other girl’s voices ringing in her ears to support her.

but her discontent with the group performance leads gahyeon to pick a song where she could shine in her solo evaluation. she guesses it makes her happy that they have another chance to show their complete skills, even if they’re not able to in the group evaluation – although assumes it probably stands as another way to ensure they can hold themselves as a soloist considering they debut alone before their group will. regardless, gahyeon wants to show what she’s good at instead of getting stuck with lines that she doesn’t feel particularly comfortable with. the solo evaluation still requires her to sing, so gahyeon sorts through her songs and eventually comes upon ‘ do or die. ’

for the vocal part of the evaluation, gahyeon had consulted heejin. after all, gahyeon felt far less uncomfortable going to a fellow newbie than going to someone who had been in the project since the beginning. after the tips and help heejin gifted gahyeon with in the beginning, gahyeon turned to the coaches. if only because she knew that heejin had her own solo evaluation to deal with, and gahyeon wasn’t about to take up the other girl’s precious training time – plus, the coaches were there for a reason. eventually, heejin’s advice wasn’t enough either, and the trainers were able to help gahyeon more with the issues she was having.

overall, gahyeon thinks it’s a confidence thing. she’s not at all confident in singing, although she knows that she eventually has to be. just because she wants one thing doesn’t mean she’s going to get it – and if the group evaluation was any indication, there were clearly other people that sphere was considering for a rapper position. but overall, it was her forte and gahyeon was going to prove that she was just as if not more competent as another girl. but to do both, gahyeon knew that she needed to be confident in both. so, she worked a lot on the lines she had, singing them with the choreography and even just walking around the studio to put more into her lines.

the choreography for gahyeon’s solo was well within her own style, and the song itself had a good balance of vocals and rap. in the end gahyeon wanted to show she was a competent performer. sorting through songs was difficult particularly because she didn’t want to pick a song she couldn’t manage vocal-wise, but the trainers were fairly good at helping her with what she was most concerned about.

not to mention the song made gahyeon feel powerful – which was a feeling gahyeon rarely felt. maybe it was the effect of the confident lyrics and music, but she felt good performing ‘ do or die. ’ after a rough start to the month, gahyeon is sure she needed it.

despite the shorter schedule, gahyeon ends up spending hours after practice in the studio perfecting movements, back to her regular self. especially on weekends, gahyeon spends time in the sphere building late into the night, ensuring that her performance was as polished as she could manage with her skillset ( not to mention she felt strange leaving the studio so early, having gotten used to being on the royal schedule for two years. ) whether it was on her own or with the coaches, gahyeon aimed to perfect the movements and vocals needed for her performance. although the original featured many dancers to create a fuller, impactful feeling, gahyeon was determined to achieve that on her own. she didn’t have backup dancers and instead needed to rely on her own skills.

when it comes to her actual performance, gahyeon is determined to exude the confidence that the original artist does. the movements are quick and required to be precise to look clean – which isn’t really difficult for gahyeon to achieve at this point. the vocals are easy enough for gahyeon to follow along with that she manages to feel comfortable with her performance by the time she has to perform it in front of the coaches. she made some small adjustments where the original performer had interacted with the backup dancers, gahyeon couldn’t very well do that, but they were added in cleanly and gahyeon had little issue integrating them in.

but for gahyeon, she thinks that she can handle it. although she worries more about her vocals, by the time she’s performing they come out relatively stable. her work with the coaches has earned her a bit more of a range than she had previously – enough so that she feels confident as she performs in front of the judges. every movement is sharp and well-practiced but done with ease. the hip-hop-esque dance is something gahyeon’s more than familiar with, and despite the jumping, gahyeon’s able to maintain the quality of her voice throughout the performance – both in vocals and rap. she’s not the triple threat that yena is, but she’s not half-bad, either. she’s worked hard to perfect the song, so much so that at the end of the performance when she brings down one hand in a crown-like position atop her head, her lips curl into a confident grin.

in the end, gahyeon’s happy about both her performances – and hopes that she’s shown the coaches enough to prove she was worth more than one line in what she’s actually skilled at. 

#rkheartz:july20eval #. * | solo. #. * | wc : 2293. #. * | 하르츠 project. #. * | evaluation.