#there is no heterosexual explanation for why he reaches his hand out like he's being asked for it in marriage

[max-the-lagomorph]

Fruity Little Thing

#sam and max #sam & max #freelance police #freelance husbands #gay #there is no heterosexual explanation for why he reaches his hand out like he's being asked for it in marriage

[griseldabanks]

Let Me Count the Ways ask game

Requested by Princess of Words from the Fig Tree Discord server

Fandom: MCU Characters: Steve and Bucky (and Sharon) Prompt: "No, I don't care what 'they' think."

Please note this is an AU. I tried to make it work for both of my main AUs, Worth a Thousand and Whole Shards. Basically all you need to know is that Steve and Sharon are married, and Bucky lives with them.

“We have a problem,” Bucky growled.

Steve looked up from the crossword puzzle he and Sharon were working through together in the paper at the kitchen table. Sam always laughed at them and said they were like an old married couple, but...well, they were a married couple, and at least one of them was pretty old. Besides, it was fun.

A brightly colored magazine slapped down on top of the newspaper, and Steve found himself staring at his own face. STEVE ROGERS: TROUBLE IN PARADISE OR POLYAMOROUS THREESOME?! The main photo depicted him walking through a crowd somewhere, holding Bucky's hand. After a moment, he remembered that day, when they'd all gone to Coney Island. He'd grabbed Bucky's hand so they wouldn't lose each other in the crush of people heading towards the Cyclone.

Down the side of the front page were smaller headlines, like No heterosexual explanation for this! and The Open Secret of Captain America's Queer Lifestyle. Quirking an eyebrow, Steve took his arm from around his wife's shoulders and reached for the tabloid, beginning to flip through it. “Oh, apparently I'm bisexual,” he said mildly. “You learn something new every day.”

Sharon laughed, but Bucky's expression was stormy as he dropped into a chair across the table from them. “That trash is all over the place,” he growled, jabbing a metal finger at the magazine. “I could hardly turn around without seeing our faces everywhere.”

“Well, that's hardly new,” Sharon said reasonably, putting a calming hand on his arm. “You're probably always going to be in the public eye somewhat, and it's not always going to be positive.”

Bucky pulled away from her, leaning back and crossing his arms tightly. He sat there, looking uncomfortable for a few moments, before awkwardly muttering, “I can...move out. Today, if you want.”

Steve looked up in surprise from a cursory and not particularly relevant overview of public opinions of homosexuality in the 1940s. “Move out? Why?”

Except for when Bucky had gone off to war before Steve, and the stretch of time when Bucky had been captured by Hydra and didn't remember who he was, Steve and Bucky had lived under the same roof since Steve's mother had died. Even after they'd been reunited and Bucky was stable enough that he could have managed on his own, neither of them had even questioned it. Of course they were going to live together.

Now Bucky scowled at him. “Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”

“You can't let something like this scare you away,” Sharon scoffed, flipping through the magazine to a page plastered with photos of her. “Look—they're actually trying to call it incest!”

“What?” Steve laughed, craning his neck around to look at the article. “How do they figure that?”

“Because the love of your life was my great-aunt, obviously.”

“Peggy and I never went on a single date! And that wouldn't even—“ Steve gave up, groaning into his hands.

Sharon nudged her shoulder against his. “This is the part where you're supposed to say I'm the love of your life, dear.”

Before either of them could continue, Bucky burst out, “So none of this bothers you? The things they're saying?”

“Well, they're certainly being very rude.” Sharon picked up the magazine and walked over to the recycle bin, dropping it in with a satisfying flump.

Steve shrugged in answer to Bucky's question. “We know it isn't true. So does anyone with enough of a brain to not believe everything they read in a tabloid.”

Bucky still looked troubled, tapping a finger against his metal arm. “You don't think it would be better for me to move out or...something? Just to make it clear they're wrong?”

Steve wondered if that 'something' included things like holding hands as they'd done in the picture on the front page, or the dozens of other ways he expressed his affection for his best friend. Wouldn't they have a field day if they knew how many times we've slept in the same bed.

Aloud, he just said, “It sounds like they've already made up their minds. Not much we can do about it now.”

“So you don't care what they think?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “No, I don't care what 'they' think. I never have. And neither should you.”

Their eyes met, and Steve wondered if Bucky was also thinking about the days when he'd been skinny and beset with a whole laundry list of handicaps and ailments. Back then, there were plenty of people who'd said he was nothing but a drain on society with nothing to offer in return. Not worth the effort it took to keep him alive. Better off dead. Some people had even said that to his face.

But two people in his life had made sure he never believed that assessment of his worth: his mother and Bucky. Especially Bucky. Because if someone like Bucky still thought it was worth it to go out of his way to keep Steve around...he must really be worth something.

“Exactly,” Sharon said, taking her seat again and lacing her fingers through Steve's. “You can move out if you want to, Bucky,” she added, holding out her hand to him as well, “but do it because you want to, not because someone's never heard of friendship before.”

Slowly, Bucky's arms unfolded and he let Sharon take his right hand in hers. “I, um....” Clearing his throat, he averted his gaze. “If...you don't mind, I'd like to stay here...for now.”

“I don't think we mind,” Steve laughed, “do we, darling?”

“Of course not!” Sharon said with a bright smile. “If this is what a threesome is, I want it to stay like this forever.”

Steve and Sharon both started laughing, and this time, Bucky joined in too.

#let me count the ways #captain america #worth a thousand #whole shards #steve rogers #bucky barnes #sharon carter #staron #sorry this was supposed to be focused on steve and bucky but sharon insisted on being included too #the white tree #hopefully someone will enjoy my not-so-subtle jabs at some of the sillier takes i've seen on these relationships ^^'

[thecleverqueer]

Random Thoughts during the last two episodes of “The Wrong Jedi” Arc from “The Clone Wars”:

•Part three- Random thoughts during The Clone Wars S5:E19 “To Catch a Jedi”:

*Plo Koon knows that his baby daughter Ahsoka isn’t guilty.

*I get why Yoda chose Plo Koon and Anakin to go down to the lower depths to find Ahsoka; they would be the most likely candidates to talk her down from the ledge, but it still feels kind of underhanded.

*Ahsoka’s wanted poster is fierce AF. Just sayin’. Fierce AF.

*Notice that the first person Ahsoka thinks to call after the smoke clears is Barriss. Barriss seems legitimately concerned about Ahsoka’s safety. Don’t use the Jedi-com, Ahsoka. They’re watching.

*Oh Ahsoka, that cloak is not a great disguise. Your montails are literally sticking out of it. It’s adorable, but honestly… you’re not going to fool anybody.

*Ahsoka is a master of parkour.

*To hell with the bootlicking jerk on the train… Ahsoka is running from the cops because she’s being accused of a crime that she did not commit, and this dude is butting his nose in affairs that don’t concern him. Stay TF out of it.

*One should feel bad for Ahsoka at this point. She’s not thinking clearly at all. She’s cutting a hole in the roof of that elevator, and that Twi-lek kid is like, “um, use the button to stop it, dumbass.”

*Here come Ahsoka’s brothers again!

*Did Ahsoka get Ventress that pardon? That was a bold promise. I don’t think Ventress really cared. She felt bad for Ahsoka. It’s that gray coming through.

*Those looks that Ahsoka and Barriss give each other on that holo call. My god… the angst… It’s like they’re going to reach through the video somehow and kiss each other. I mean, look… look and give me one heterosexual explanation. I’ll wait:

It’s so gay, it’s ridiculous. Side note: Barriss has really f*^%ed up here. She’s still trying to save Ahsoka’s ass, but she sucks so badly at improvising that she has only succeeded in making everything monumentally worse for her.

*The hand-to-hand combat between Ahsoka and Ventress versus the Clones is so badass. Ventress goes straight feral. That move she does after Wolfe grabs her from behind…holy shit! She just growls, kicks the shit out of two clones and head butts Wolfe. Epic. “See? Didn’t kill a one. It’s the new me.”

*Barriss knocking Ventress out with the pipe to the head was savage. I still can’t tell if she’s trying to frame Ventress up as the mastermind behind the bombing, or if she thinks Ahsoka and Ventress are boning and she has decided to kick both their asses for it.

*Ahsoka has fought Ventress before. I think it’s odd that she doesn’t realize it’s not Ventress here even if Barriss is trying to mimic Ventress’s fighting style. Ventress does not stop talking shit when she duels someone. Barriss is silent.

*This is honestly a brutal ass-beating. It’s Barriss’s kicking Ahsoka into the wall over and over again for me. Ahsoka is clearly tired or something and is not fighting her best fight. Give her a break!

*Uh. It’s painful… Ahsoka just doesn’t know when to stop. She keeps getting up. Sometimes, I wish she would just stay down for a minute to recuperate.

*Aaaannnddd, Ahsoka falls right into the nano-droids. Barriss runs off as the Clones come to collect Ahsoka. *Face-palm* So either…

A.) Barriss loses her nerve, is afraid that she’s going to get caught and runs off leaving her girlfriend in an even worse predicament… because she is the worst improviser ever. Or…

B.) She’s convinced that Ahsoka is cheating with Ventress and has left her to rot. Either way, damn.

*Wolfe isn’t going to let you explain. Ahsoka is screwed.

•Part four- Random thoughts during The Clone Wars S5:E20 “The Wrong Jedi”:

*Padawan Tano is not going to get a fair trial. You heard it here first.

*Tarkin is truly awful. He has honestly had a problem with Ahsoka since The Citadel arc, and I know he’s loving all of this. F*^%ing fascist asshole.

*God, the Jedi council pisses me off here… I suppose it shouldn’t though. On the one hand, they are kowtowing to the senate. But, on the other, I mean, their hands really are tied. If it had just been the video recording of Ahsoka supposedly choking Letta, they may have been able to swing something, but between Barriss’s questionable improvising, and Ahsoka’s running, Ahsoka does look guilty AF.

*I tend to think Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Plo voted in Ahsoka’s favor.

*Ahsoka’s eyes are so sad. You can feel her stomachs drop. I don’t know why the temple guards had to be so rough yanking her padawan silka beads off either. Someone just please give her a hug and tell her that everything is going to be okay, even if you don’t believe it.

*Anakin having another Vader moment with Ventress.

*Anakin: How dare you compare yourself to Ahsoka!

Ventress: It’s true! My master abandoned me, and that’s exactly what you did to her… you and your precious Jedi Order.

Anakin: *Looking around like there are no lies detected in Ventress’s statement. Feeling that slippery slope.*

*Tarkin is aiming for the death penalty in this trial, and Ahsoka is only 17! He’s trying to put a kid to death for sedition. What a dick!

*You can tell Anakin is pissed when he gets to Barriss’s door. I’m surprised that he doesn’t kick it in, and force choke a confession out of her. He probably warned her before she and Ahsoka started dating. “Hurt her and I’ll end you.” Well, here we are.

*You are in trouble, Barriss.

*I love how Barriss is still trying to cast the blame back on Ventress. Like, no, baby, the gig is up.

*Anakin: *growling* Ahsoka trusted you and you betrayed her!

Barriss: I’ve learned that trust is overrated. The only thing the Jedi council believes in is violence.

That line… was it the cheating thing!? I’m so confused by that line. One thing that I do know about Jedi is that if they did decide to get into a forbidden relationship, they’d definitely be too autistic to cheat. Ahsoka is no exception.

*Barriss doesn’t fight with the same brutality against Anakin as she did with Ahsoka. It was almost as if she was toying with Ahsoka, and now she’s trying to save her own ass against Anakin.

*”Cease hostilities.” Oh Barriss, no.

*The end of the fight between Anakin and Barriss is my favorite part. It’s like Anakin grows tired of her bullshit, and starts raging. Like, the ONLY reason that he did not end her right there is because he needed her to go and confess to the crimes in front of the senate. You were warned, Barriss. You know you got that shovel talk.

*Anakin walks in right before that guilty verdict was handed down, and Ahsoka’s like, “Thank the force…”

*But…. It’s immediately doused with the realization that it’s…. “Barriss!? Oh shit!!”

*Someone help scrape Ahsoka’s jaw off the floor.

*Obi-Wan gives Barriss a death stare. He’s up in the peanut gallery thinking, “you stupid f*^%ing bitch.” Oh Barriss, you’ve officially lost the in-laws.

*You can tell Barriss is sorry immediately. The look she shoots Ahsoka *grits teeth*. Ahsoka is going to grow up to be the hottest lesbian in the Galaxy, and Barriss just fumbled their whole relationship. Ouch.

*Ugh, and you can tell Barriss just broke Ahsoka’s heart... I mean, look at her… she can’t even find joy in her exoneration:

This is the face of someone whose heart was just shattered into a million pieces.

*Ahsoka isn’t buying the Jedi council’s bullshit. I’m not confident that they’re knighting her here, but they did say that this was her great trial. Ahsoka doesn’t care. Ahsoka’s emotions are on 15.

*The moment Ahsoka “nopes” the return to the Jedi order still punches me in the gut. I’ve watch this arc half a dozen times, and it still hits. Jeeze. “I’m sorry master, but I’m not coming back.”

*Obi-Wan feels compelled to chase Anakin and Ahsoka down, but is stopped by Plo Koon. Oh, the emotion that Obi-Wan, Anakin AND Ahsoka would have had… knowing the three of them have zero control over their emotions combined would have been something else entirely.

*The look on Yoda’s face is brilliant, too. Yeah. He knows he has f*^%ed up royally. This is all going to end badly.

*I tend to think Ahsoka’s completely unchecked feelings are why she couldn’t remain at the temple as a Jedi. She had enough clairvoyance to know that she couldn’t stay because her emotions were completely off the charts. Not only did the Jedi council not trust her, her girlfriend betrayed her, and she’s feeling all kinds of negative feels in that moment. “I can’t stay here any longer….not now.”

*Also, Ahsoka knew about Anakin and Padme. It is confirmed here with this…

Anakin: I understand. More than you realize. I understand wanting to walk away from the order.

Ahsoka: … I know.

*Oh, Ahsoka’s tears as she walks down the temple steps towards the sunset with that music playing… Damn. Damn. Damn. 😭

*Then, you hear Ahsoka’s theme and that’s it… you don’t see her again until Season 7… where she’s smuggling drugs with her rebound girlfriend and Barriss is still living rent-free in her head. It’s art! Dammit! Art!!!

#star wars #ahsoka tano #the clone wars #ahsoka being gay #barriss offee #ahsoka and barriss #barrissoka #barriss deserved better #anakin skywalker #admiral tarkin #the wrong jedi #sw tcw

[petalsfm]

if you’re hearing FIRST DATE by BLINK-182 playing, you have to know RHYS HENDERSON (HE/HIM; CIS MAN) is near by! the TWENTY-SIX year old PUBLIC RELATIONS MANAGER has been in denver for, like, TWENTY-TWO years. they’re known to be quite FATUOUS, but being URBANE seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble JONAH HAUER-KING. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those THE SOUND OF LAUGHTER ECHOING THROUGH THE HOUSE, ROSIN DUST ON YOUR DARK CLOTHES, LARGE FLOWER BOUQUETS IN SHAKY HANDS, WINNING YOUR THIRD ROUND OF UNO vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RINO DISTRICT long enough!

STATS:

full name :       rhys benjamin henderson nickname(s) :     n / a birthplace :      blackpool, england date of birth :       11 / 25 / 1996 parentage :      amelia abrams henderson & alexander henderson sibling(s) :      ___ henderson & ___ henderson ( wc to be written ) relationship status :     single gender identity :     cis man ( he/him ) sexual orientation :      heterosexual faceclaim :      jonah hauer-king

BACKGROUND:

born the youngest in the henderson family, rhys was used to being catered to, whether it was by his mother, his siblings, or their extended family

the move to denver really confused him. he was four and couldn’t understand his own emotions, much less process the move to a new continent.

for the most part, children can take things in stride and roll with the punches. however, rhys had just reached the age of asking perhaps too many questions. every attempt at an explanation for their move was met with WHY? - ❛ dad got a new job. ❜ WHY? ❛ so that we could have a better life. ❜ WHY? and so on.

he just couldn’t understand why he could no longer go play with the friends he had met nursery school or why he couldn’t go visit nana and grandad anymore.

because nothing was quite making sense, rhys became a bit of a terror. he would cry, throw tantrums, refuse to go his new school, take and hide things from his siblings, etc. it didn’t help that their dad was away fairly often

things settled once he officially started kindergarten. he still had his lil british accent so all of the kids found an interest in him and the silly words he said

despite how he acted initially after the move, rhys has always been quite personable. he made friends quite easily.

when he was six years old, he found an interest in string instruments. he gave the violin a go, but for some reason it just wasn’t the right fit. however, the second he heard the man at the music store play the viola, he knew that was the instrument for him

rhys was lucky his mother was able to find a schedule that worked for his siblings hobbies and his viola lessons so she didn’t have to over work herself

it didn’t take long for viola to become the constant rhys needed in his life. his father was still in and out of the house and things seemed to be changing as his older siblings entered middle and high school. one day they were all there for family dinners, and the next it was only him and his mother.

it’s no surprise rhys became a mama’s boy. next to his viola, his mother was the only thing he could count on to be consistent in his day-to-day life. 

it was the free afternoons he spent with his mom that made him a bit Domestic™

he would help her clean up around the house, help her meal prep / cook / bake, play card games with her, etc.

( i promise he’s not a mama’s boy in a gross way like these weirdos on the internet )

rhys always felt like he was falling behind with his siblings. it wasn’t like it was any of their fault– time just wasn’t on their side.

in middle school, during puberty, it was discovered that rhys was a hopeless romantic. luckily for him, after his new-to-denver tantrums, he got a bit better at understanding and expressing his emotions. his heart simply felt more love than any middle schooler's should.

being the youngest meant having to follow your siblings and their identities. while there was a bit of a ❛ HENDERSON LEGACY ❜ in the school system ( rhys couldn’t even remember how many times a teacher had told him ❛ oh, i had your older brother / sister!❜ ), that’s all it was. the past.

during his freshman year, rhys and the string quartet he was apart of ( through the lady who gave him his viola lessons ) entered the american protege international piano and strings competition for the fourth year in a row. however, this year was different. they won!

the prize for winning was the opportunity to play at weill recital hall at carnegie hall in new york city.

for once in his life, he felt he had a PURPOSE. nothing felt better than that win. the best part? getting the WHOLE family together to properly focus on H I M. something he felt he didn’t get enough of. sure, his mom attended all of his viola recitals and sometimes one of his siblings would make it too. but a performance this special demanded the presence of both his siblings AND both of his parents. that was a rarity.

he really fell into his own in high school. he was in the school orchestra and was first chair viola. he also took the opportunity to try out for tennis, a sport that did not have cuts - so he automatically made the team.

he was no prodigy, but he could hold his own in tennis. his record was about 70/30 in favor of him. 

he worked his ass of throughout high school along with his two extra curriculars ( and many volunteering hours ) trying his best to get into one of his dream schools

growing up, he always felt out of place. he had almost no memories of living in the united kingdom, so he considers it one of the best days of his life when he gets his acceptance letter from university of west london. not only was it close to blackpool, but it’s a spectacular university.

he was so excited to get the opportunity to be close to home. london, at most, was a four hour train ride from blackpool.

being back in the uk was both over and underwhelming. he loved his time there and the people he met. 

he’d slowly lost his english accent growing up in denver, but it never fully disappeared. he still had his family and the media they consumed to keep hints of it around, but being in london almost brought it back full force. 

he kept in touch with his family back in denver, texting, calling, and facetiming whenever he could. he spent all holidays with the hendersons in denver. 

after getting his degree in public relations, he had to decide what he wanted to do. staying in london was tempting, but when a family emergency arose it felt like a sign from the universe that it was time to come home.

he’s been back in denver for about four years now.

SOME NON-LINEAR RANDOM FACTS / HEADCANONS:

he may be booksmart but do not let this man fool u. he is a himbo at heart.

he truly is just here to have a good ass time

literally like a golden retriever probably

absolutely adores being an uncle. always spoiling his niece/nephew simply because he can.

if ur chara has kids he will spoil them too hes a kid at heart

like i said earlier hopeless romantic. really wants / hopes to be a dad someday. wants to be better and more present than his own dad.

#chq;intro

[paradoxxe]

( PENN BADGLEY • HE/HIM •  MALE • 29/110 •) did you hear IT'S HARD TO SEE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE TOO CLOSE. TAKE A STEP BACK AND LOOK? it reminded me of LEO WYATT rumor has it they’re from the PAST. they say they’re a WHITELIGHTER, that explains why they’re loyal to THE CHARMED ONES.

BASICS.

NAME. leonardo "leo" wyatt AGE. twenty-nine / one hundred-ten GENDER. male PRONOUNS. he/him SEXUALITY. heterosexual DATE OF BIRTH. oct 19th ZODIAC. libra AFFILIATION. the charmed ones OCCUPATION. handyman

CONNECTIONS

FATHER. christopher wyatt MOTHER. helen williams SIBLINGS. none BIRTH ORDER. n/a PARTNER. piper halliwell OTHER NOTABLE. wyatt , chris , melinda halliwell (children) phoebe , paige , prue (sisters in law)

HELLSMOUTH TASK 01

Who is [your character]?

first and foremost, leo is a healer. there wasn't any other option for him, his path was to provide comfort and healing for others. once his duty was done in the war, and the elders gave him his wings, leo never questioned what he had to do until he met piper. after all the obstacles that kept them apart were overcome, leo had to put his family first. aside from his years of sacrifice for the greater good, this was the ultimate challenge for leo being a good father and husband. no matter how hard he tries, there's still things he can't get right.

What is their goal? Whether it’s saving the world or graduating college, short term or long term, what is your character looking for?

to leave the world in a better place than before he came along. whether he's mortal or a whitelighter, it's a lesson leo must learn time and again, and it's never easy. if he has the ability, he must try to do the right thing.

When was this goal chosen? What triggered this goal? Was it an external event or internal?

he was raised with a good heart by his parents, and these lessons multiplied when he took on charges as a whitelighter. despite all the losses of the innocent, leo always takes on the blame and vows to push harder next time.

Where do they go from here? This could be either your muses future plans, or it could be answered ooc with what you would like to do with your muse and their plots.

leo will always be there for those who need his help. his family is strong, but he worries for the future of his sons. with the love and support of piper, he knows the story isn't over. they'll find a way to save them all.

Why did you choose the quote for your character? An explanation on why the words chosen for your application pertain to your muse. Whether it was a quote that hit you, or it defines them as characters.

it's a bob ross quote, and i could say "enough said" but let me explain. one, it's bob ross, the most positive mortal man on the planet, so of course, that's perfect leo energy. second, the quote itself sums up leo's entire being. he's always the voice of reason in most situations when it comes to the charmed ones or his charges. it's easy to get distracted by the problem at hand, and leo has to remind them that there's something larger and less noticeable at stake. if you're too focused on the question, the answer can get further out of reach.

#hellsmouth.intro #hellsmouth.task #─ ∞ ─ leo *✧･ﾟ about »•»

[ladycatofwinterfell]

There are clouds on my sky

After Sansa accidentally comes out as a lesbian to her parents she has a talk with her dad. Little did she know he understands exactly what she’s going through

This fic has mentions of homophobia and fear of not being accepted, so if that doesn’t feel right to read for you, please skip this one. And also, I just want to say that I can only write based on my own feelings and experiences, but that is different to everyone and this is not accurate for every LGBTQ+ person

But anyway, happy pride month, I wish everyone the very best <33

“You’ll have to take me out again soon” Jeyne smiled.

Sansa smiled as well. She had never really thought about what walking on sunshine would be like, but in the moment she was sure of that she was doing it. She was walking on sunshine. She was made of sunshine. Jeyne was nothing like anyone Sansa had met before. She was amazing.

They had had a picnic at the beach. And it had been just perfect. They had brought strawberries and mangoes and pineapple. All the best fruits. Though their sweetness had been nothing compared to Jeyne. Jeyne had kissed her. She could barely think about it without blushing. Oh she was in love. She had to be. There was no other explanation for her feelings.

“I promise” Sansa said, trying not to grin like an idiot.

She was probably failing.

“Good.”

That sight. Jeyne, a flower in her hair, standing in the sun with a smile on her face. Sansa had never seen anything more beautiful.

In a moment of courage, or maybe recklessness, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Jeyne’s lips. She could feel Jeyne’s hands on her shoulders and Sansa laid her hands on her arms. She was warm, and real, and just so utterly perfect.

“Bye” Jeyne said when they parted.

“Bye.”

She watched as Jeyne walked down the street. She looked after her until she took a turn and disappeared behind a house. The whole world was made of sunshine and rainbows and everything good.

That was until Sansa turned to walk up the driveway to her house and met the eyes of her mother.

Mom was standing on the porch. Sansa couldn’t read her face. Her heart dropped in her chest. Her mother always had her feelings on the outside, why did she just look empty?

“Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to intrude” Mom said.

She hated her. Her mom hated her. Her mom was disgusted by her. Her mom had just had her worst nightmare confirmed. That had to be it. Did she even want to be Sansa’s mother anymore?

Sansa had many times imagined how she would come out. She had had it all planned out in her head. She was going to bake a pride cake and she was going to sit down and tell them and it would be good. They would accept her and they would be happy for her.

She had not imagined she would come out by accidentally kissing a girl in front of her mother. And she had not thought her mother would be disgusted by it. She had not thought Mom would mind. She was fine with her Uncle Brynden, and Uncle Benjen. She had smiled widely when Jon introduced them to his boyfriend Satin. Why did she hate her?

“I was going to tell you” Sansa said, trying to keep the tears burning in her eyes under control. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not what you want me to be.”

“What are you..? Oh.”

Mom’s face softened. She walked down the stairs and came over to Sansa, pulling her into a hug. She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t. She could just cry against her mother’s shoulder. Mom held her tightly while she was shaking with sobs.

“Don’t be sorry, my darling girl. Never apologize for who you are. I’m the one who should be sorry, and I am, I am sorry for making you believe that I’m disappointed in you. For making you believe that I don’t accept you for this. I love you, and I always will. No matter what. Do you understand?”

Sansa nodded, holding onto Mom a little tighter. She was afraid, she could still feel her heart beating in her chest.

“You don’t hate me?” she sniffled.

“Of course not, Sansa. How could I ever hate you for who you love? It’s the most natural thing in the world.”

Neither of them said anything after that. They just stood there, Sansa wrapped into Mom’s arms. It felt good to have someone stroke her hair and softly hush her until she could breathe again.

“I’m sorry for one more thing, actually” Mom said and drew back slightly to look at her.

Sansa looked back at her. Looked at her face.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for that you did not get to do this at your own terms and when you were ready.”

Sansa saw a movement next to Mom’s face and when she turned her eyes towards it she saw her father. Mom also turned to see what Sansa was looking at.

“You don’t have to say anything unless you don’t want to” she said.

Dad tilted his head slightly to the side, clearly not wanting to ask. But she was ready, she had been ready before. She had just been taken by surprise. She had been surprised and afraid.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Sansa?”

She took a deep breath. In and out. 

“I’m a lesbian.”

Her father merely raised his eyebrows.

“Okay, would you like to talk about it?”

She didn’t know what reaction she had expected, but she was sure of that that wasn’t it.

“What do you mean?”

What was there to talk about? She had said it, it was out there, there was really nothing to talk about. She understood that they accepted her, but could they really understand her? She loved them, they were her parents, but they were also in a wildly heterosexual marriage.

“I mean that I might have more insight in this than you know.”

“You’re confusing me.”

Mom only smiled and kissed her temple.

“I’ll leave you two to it” she said.

She walked back to the porch and disappaered into the house again, closing the door behind her. Dad sat on the top of the stairs and gestured for Sansa to come sit next to him. She wouldn’t lie to herself, she was quite curious. So she slowly walked over to the porch and sat next to him.

“Now when you have told me something about you, I would like to tell you something about me” he said, looking up at the clear sky.

“And what is that?”

“Sansa?”

“Yes, Dad?”

There was a pause before his answer.

“I’m bisexual.”

That was a surprise. To say the least. She had never heard him, or anyone, say anything that I suggested that he was anything other than straight. Though she supposed that was just buying into the heteronormativity. Assuming without knowing. Though she hadn’t exactly been going on nothing.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“Mhm. I dated a guy before I met your mother.”

“I didn’t know that.”

When she thought of it she had barely seen any photos from before he and Mom were together. And it never really occurred to her that they must have been with others before they met each other. It was reasonable. But in Sansa’s mind it had always been them. Maybe because as long as she had lived it had been them.

“That’s not so strange, I barely talk about it anymore. I’ll always be proud of who I am, but I prefer to keep it among people I trust.”

“Did your family know?”

Sansa had told her siblings and Jon a month or two earlier. She had made them promise not to tell anyone else, and they hadn’t. She hadn’t really wanted others to know. She had seen what others her age sometimes said and did to people who were gay. She almost had trouble breathing just from thinking about it. And she couldn’t even imagine how it had been for Dad. Things were better than they had been before. She could trust her family. She could trust her friends.

“They did.”

“How did they find out? And what did they think of it?”

Dad sighed, suddenly looking sad. And before he even said anything Sansa knew. Her fears had been his reality. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked that. But she had really wanted to know what it had been like for him, she had never talked to anyone else about it before.

“My brothers and my sister didn’t really care. I was their brother no matter what, but my parents were more... well, they leaned towards the conservative side. I wasn’t planning on telling them, but a friend of theirs saw me and my boyfriend at the time in a restaurant, and told them. What happened after that wasn’t very pretty. But I don’t want you to think about that, I want you to focus on the beautiful thing in finding yourself and who you are.”

He smiled at her then and ruffled her hair.

“That might just be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard” Sansa muttered when she reached up to fix her hair again. “‘Beautiful thing in finding yourself’, ugh.”

“Ah, you’re Catelyn’s daughter” Dad chuckled.

It was a relief to hear that and know that it was true in everyone’s hearts. She was her mother’s daughter, her mother didn’t hate her.

“Though it is nice. Understanding yourself” she said.

For so long she had thought that there was just something wrong with her. Every time she thought about being with a boy it didn’t feel right at all. While her friends were all gushing about cute boys she had been trying so hard to understand, but she hadn’t. And then she had been horrified when she realized that what they thought about boys she thought about girls. It took her time to come to terms with it, but once she had it just felt right. It felt like she was finally where she was supposed to be. Though once she had reached that place she had also been afraid of that others wouldn’t think it was right.

“It’s very nice” he agreed.

“I didn’t understand for so long, but now I do and it’s the greatest feeling in the world. Everything felt wrong, and now it doesn’t anymore. I was just afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

“I get that. But long ago I decided that no matter what my kids turned out to be I would love and accept them. Because every child should be loved and accepted, making your child feel otherwise is inhumane. And I wish the world was a better place, I wish you didn’t have to be afraid of people not accepting you. If I could protect you from the people wishing harm upon people like us I would. And I’m sorry I can’t. I hate that I can’t.”

“It’s not your fault, Dad. But it’s scary. That moment when Mom was looking at me and I... I thought she didn’t accept me. I thought she hated me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to handle the thought of that she didn’t like what I am.”

She could feel the tears rise in her eyes again. Dad just moved closer to her and pulled her into a one armed hug. She leaned into it and rested her head on his shoulder. When had she last hugged her dad like that? She didn’t know.

“She was very supportive when I told her that the man that everyone thought had been my best friend had actually been my boyfriend. She can’t fully understand, but she has stood by my side and supported me for very many years now, and I wouldn’t want her anywhere else. I love her.”

“Like you loved him?” she asked.

“I have never loved anyone like I love your mother, but I did love him too. It took me a long time to realize, and a long time to come to terms with it, but once I did I was happy to love him. And when that was over and in the past it was hard to realize that I loved your mother. Because how could I love her when she was a woman and I had loved a man before that? You see, no one had explained bisexuality to me so I had to figure it out on my own. Most people thought that you were either gay or straight and that there were nothing else. But once I understood that it was fully possible to love both I was happy to love her as well.”

It was like it had been for her. She was glad she had him. She was glad he told her about his experience. It made it a little easier. She was glad he and Mom weren’t like her grandparents had been.

“I’m happy to love Jeyne” Sansa said.

“Is that her name?”

She couldn’t help but smile then. Just the thought of Jeyne made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. What would she have done if she had not met Jeyne?

“Yes. I met her when I was working at the cafe this spring. She’s wonderful.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“All through my childhood I have seen the way you and Mom look at each other. And I have known that no matter who I am with, I want that person to look at me that way. And it feels like I have found it.”

“Then I’m so very happy for you, Sansa.”

“Thank you. I’ll take her here someday so that you can meet her. You’ll love her too, there’s nothing about her that’s not to love.”

Dad kissed her forehead.

“I hope that maybe society is better than it was when I was your age” he mumbled. “And I’ll never let what happened to me happen to you.”

“Does it still hurt you?”

“Sometimes. I most often remember my parents as good people, but sometimes that can be hard. Because even though they eventually accepted that I wouldn’t change for them and tried to be okay with it because they were my parents and they loved me, that initial part still hurt a great deal. I try not to feel guilty for who I am, but it can be hard as well. Most often it doesn’t hurt though, not anymore. I’m at a good place now, I’m surrounded by great people and my lovely family. And you’ll be too. But from the beginning.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s really the bare minimum.”

She raised her head to look at him.

“No, I mean thank you for telling me. It was, well, not exactly nice, but it felt good to hear. And it means a lot to me.”

Some part of it had been terrible to hear, some things she wished had never happened to her dad. But she felt lighter than she had been before. She felt more understood. And she couldn’t for a moment think that they didn’t accept her.

“There’s so much more that I can’t say, stuff that you need to figure out on your own. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and that I’m always here for you no matter what. Mom is, as well.”

“I know that now and I have a question that you might be able to answer.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“Do you ever feel like you’re not really what you are? Like, do you doubt that you’re bisexual sometimes? Because sometimes I feel like that.”

She had been overcome with that several times. The feeling of that she was some sort of imposter, that she didn’t deserve to call herself a lesbian.

“I don’t, but I know others have. Some people were happy to hiss at me like I was a tratior for falling in love with and marrying a woman. And others were happy to see that I had finally abandoned the gay, sinful, part of myself and turned straight. People will try to make you doubt yourself, don’t listen to them, Sansa. Listen to yourself and do what feels right for you.”

“And what if I realize that I’m not a lesbian? What do I do then?”

That was another thing she was terrified for. 

“That’s entirely alright. Change your label if you feel like your current one doesn’t suit you. You can even choose not to label yourself at all, if you feel better that way. This really is different for everyone, just do your thing.”

“Is it really that easy?”

“Yeah.”

Sansa smiled and hugged him again. Properly that time, with both her arms. Dad hugged her back, held her.

“I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, Sansa.”

#sansa stark #ned stark #catelyn stark #ned x cat #sansa x jeyne #jeyne poole #my fic #lesbian sansa and bi ned hold my heart in their queer hands #i don't really know why but i cried uncontrollably while writing this #i was a mess #happy pride 🌈

[futurebicon]

Reactions

Still have writers block so here are the different players and others reaction to Coops

Regulus: He was surprised to say the least. He kind of just stared at his phone for a couple of minutes, which was blowing up with tweets and text messages. He thought that would have noticed that his brother was gay in the years they spent in their house. But considering their parents, it’s not surprising he had been good at hiding it. He didn’t care that he was gay, it didn’t matter at all to him. His team mates and parents had different views on it. And he had to act like he shared these views. He felt like crying every time he was forced to make a remark. When he went back to Gryffindor with Sirius after the All Stars game, he felt even worse about it. Sirius was so happy around him. He would walk downstairs in the morning and see Sirius sitting all the counter beside the stove as Remus made pancakes for them, Sirius talking to him about a new thing everyday as his hands played with his boyfriends hair. Remus leaning over and kissing Sirius every few minutes. Regulus normally snuck back upstairs, giving the couple a few more minutes of blissfulness before Sirius texted him that breakfast was ready.

James: James, well, James felt stupid. Very, very stupid. James was Sirius’s best friend. How had he not noticed? To be fair he was a very unobservant person but still. Looking back he did see the little glances between the two of them. He thought he had a girlfriend. He gossiped to Sirius’s boyfriend about Sirius’s girlfriend. Why is he an actual dumb ass. But they were actually adorable. He joined in on Lily’s fangirling moments when they were around. Cuddling on the couch and whispering to each other with the brightest smiles on their faces. Remus getting Sirius to talk about things James never in a million years thought he would ever say out loud. 

Dumo: Dumo knew. To be fair he did get them together but he felt like squealing like a little kid every time he saw them. The little glances. The heart eyes when they thought no one was watching. The way their cheeks colored slightly when they looked at each other at the same time. The touches that lingered a little too long. He saw it all. When they were outed he was fuming, no one deserved that. No one at all. It was their secret to tell, not someones to tell for them. But after they were more comfortable the glances weren’t just glances. They didn’t blush too much anymore. The touches did have to be subtle, they didn’t have to just linger. They could stay touching. Wrapping their arms around the others neck. Kiss the other quickly, or not so quickly. Cuddling on the couch at the teams more then monthly movie movie nights. The quiet whispered that turned into little giggles the team had never thought Sirius could do, followed by Remus’s smiling shushes. Which only made them laugh more. Popcorn is quickly thrown at them everytime.

Leo: He saw the glances like Dumo did. It might of taken him a little longer than the older man, but he still noticed. He hadn’t been 110% sure when he walked up to Loops during family skate, but he was 100% sure the look that crossed his Captains face when he saw Remus skating did not have a heterosexual explanation. 

The Team: There was mixed reactions to the news. Most of them good, the bad ones were shut up quickly with death glares more terrifying then ones even shown on the ice. Once the couple got more comfortable showing PDA it was impossible not to love their love. The quick kisses when Sirius got on or got off the bench. Sirius leaning against Remus’s chest while talking. Remus’s arm over his shoulder, Sirius reaching up his arm to tangle his fingers with Remus’s. Leaning down when someone else was talking, kissing the other. They all understand how much Sirius needed Remus. Anytime his family was being their usual awful selves Remus got him to talk about it instead of bottling it all up and working himself to the point of pure exhaustion. When Sirius was anxious about a game, or anything really. He reacted in one of two ways.

Way one is he gets angry. Working them harder during practice. Yelling at them during games. Way two is he shuts down. Doesn’t talk to anyone, just sits in his stall, bouncing his leg and fidgeting with his necklace. Which ever one it is Remus is the only one that can snap him out of it. Pulling him forcefully into his office while he’s in the middle of snapping at someone. Or crouching down in front of him, pulling his head down to his shoulder and whispering quietly to one another before going into his office. No one knew what Remus did, but whatever it was seemed to work. 

It’s 1:47 in the morning so sorry if it sounds like I’m sleep deprived because I am.

@lumosinlove

#lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #Sweater Weater #coops #oknutzy #please send me asks

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer episode 9 - analysis

Since I need to distract myself from the exam tomorrow, I figured, I would interest you in a new Lovely Writer analysis because oh boy did much happen yesterday... Gene and Nubsib took things next level again, Aoey showed his true colors and thankfully we didn't see very much of the director because I wanna punch him so badly.

Aoey

This whole episode starts with Aoey more or less inviting Gene to spend time with him. I think the tension and uncormfortness Gene feels is well portrayed here. Aoey is in a bar which doesn't seem to have any windows which already makes us feel imprisoned. Even though the color scheme focusses on earth tones, which are normally very calming, all those light bulbs in the background mixed with Aoey's clothes, all in one color only, make this scene even more uncomforting. Aoey seems dangerous only wearing a neutral color because nothing of his personality shines through and we fear he holds back because it's ugly. This whole scenery seems to scream "Gene doesn't want to be here".

Then, Aoey starts to talk and we know why we feel like this. The tension is extremely uncomfortable and I cringed about it - not in a negative way - because I was so scared what Aoey was going to do. This scene underlines one more time that Aoey feels unloved and unworthy of love.

Stop loving Nubsib. Love me. I'm cute too.

It gets more precise when Aoey talks to Mhok and rejects him not because he doesn't like him back but because he hates himself so much. He feels pathetic. He feels worthless. He has very low self-esteem and messes things up to make people hate him. He is his own enemy. Mhok doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to help him emotionally because Aoey pushes him away. At the same time, Aoey is thankful for Gene not hating him even though Gene has every reason to. Gene is someone he hangs on to, like Gene is his redemption. But Aoey will never reach redemption if he continues to do stuff to convince people otherwise. His character is very dark and lonely and lost.

Gene and Nubsib

They take two next steps this episode. First, they have their first time and second, they tell their parents about the relationship.

First of all, their first time has a weird aftertaste. I believe Gene wanted to do it with Nubsib for some time now but wasn't quite ready and now felt the pressure of "getting it over with" because he thought Nubsib took viagra. It's not like he doesn't love Nubsib or anything, but I feel like he wasn't entirely ready and forced himself a bit. Nubsib, thankfully, felt this vibe too and even asks him about it but there's nothing more he can do than ask and if Gene says he's fine, then Nubsib can only believe him. When Gene discovers Nubsib actually didn't take any viagra, he's a bit shocked. This raises the question in me if he really wanted it. But well, he doesn't exactlu panic about it, so maybe he really was very sure in this moment.

What I definetely didn't see coming was their outing. I thought it would take a while but well, okay, if they are ready, why not? I like the way Gene has changed since he and Nubsib got together. When something is on his mind, he says it. It bothers him their parents don't know about them and he tells Nubsib. They talk about this decision and once Gene is sure, Nubsib just rolls with it reassuring Gene he doesn't have to step out of his comfort zone if he doesn't feel like it.

This dinner was the most awkward dinner I have ever seen and it must've been horrible for Gene and Nubsib to just sit there and listen to the jokes about them being together which already implied it wouldn't be fine if it were true. These jokes last for a few minutes and the mothers talk about the popularity of BLs whilst Gene's father looks very scary. I can literally taste the awkwardness and how uncomfortable they both are.

For these few minutes, when the parents were just joking, I feared Gene wouldn't go through with it because he was usually the kind of guy to back off when such things happened, but not right now.

What if the two of us are really together?

The mood switches from casually joking to extremely serious. This outing and the following make their relationship far more serious and real than before. They don't touch each other like crazy when they are together because it wouldn't've fit with the characters at all. And it's totally right Nubsib only adds an explanation to Gene's question/outing in a verbal way. They still don't touch because they are both overwhelmed by the negative feelings they are faceing. Only when no one says anything, Nubsib takes Gene's hand to comfort both of them and this small touch was all that was needed. They didn't need to hug or even kiss. They also didn't need to make a scene out of it. Them staying in silence hurts even more because it feels so damn realistic. In other BLs, the couple mostly storms off angrily but that's not how you treat your parents. You discuss the matter and talk properly about it or at least give them time to answer no matter what it may be. Here, all of this happens and no one storms off to leave even more awkward silence. It was just as painful as it would be in reality.

BL fans

What makes the dinner even more awkward is the talk between the two mothers about BLs. The way they talk about it makes obvious they like to see it on screen because it's not happening in their real life. They have a distance to it and it's also a huge critic to all those female watchers feteshizing these relationships. They like the kissing and hugging but never reflect on it and ask the question what they would do if they would know someone with any other sexuality than heterosexual. They don't accept it at all when it comes to their sons. What they worshipped is now disgusting and nothing they "can understand". (This sentence "I don't understand it" freaks me out everytime shows pull that because what is there to not understand about love? It just doesn't add up to me what is so not understandable about two people loving and deeply caring about each other.)

Family's reaction

Gene knew his father would not approve because he's a self-hated bisexual and his mother just never raises her voice. In general, the relationship of the parents looks distant. The mother never says anything for her own sake and just exists under the fathers approval. The father loves to have control and now has to learn the hard way gender stereotyping doesn't exist like this any more. Gene can leave the family if he wants to and there's nothing this father can do about it because he doesn't have as much power any more. And also, his sons are not children anymore even though he treats them like they are in order to gain control again.

I want you to go upstairs!

Nubsib lives in a devided and distant family as well. He knew he would not be accepted because like we've seen in the flashbacks and what his dad talked about this episode as well, his parents don't support his choice of being an actor. But he's more worried about Gene because he already went through the phase of not feeling appreciated. Gene didn't. He discovers a new side of his parents and never had such drama with them. After this awful evening, we see the difference between both families nevertheless. Gene's parents cry both on their own but Nubsib's parents sit together on the sofa, symbolizing this unity they always were. They live in a distant world apart from their children. The world of them and Nubsib is disappointed, angry and worried at the same time.

Dad, but Gene and I did nothing wrong.

Cinematography

There are many examples to talk about the beautiful cinematography of Lovely Writer. I will only list the ones which are the most memorable to me.

Like I said above, the bar in the beginning sends out mixed signals of comfort and angst.

In contrast to this, we have Nubsib's bedroom with calm and warm light when he and Gene "take the next step".

The next morning, they brush their teeth in a very bright and white bathroom. Like they reached heaven. It's used to symbolize their happiness and also honesty. Their love is very pure because they mean every word they say and every action they follow.

At the very end, we have both Gene and Nubsib crying in their bedrooms. Gene's bed seems to be huge because he curls up. He is sad and angry but not surprised. He expected things to go down this way. Nubsib in contrast, is filmed through his shelf. This shelf frames him and since it's not a very big one, it makes Nubsib seem extremely small. He is disappointed in his parents, didn't expect things to happen this way and feels like he doesn't belong there. He feels very small on a very big planet.

Conclusion

This episode was overwhelming and the atmosphere switched a lot.

What I realized, especially after the scene between Aoey and Mhok, they all share the same feeling of loneliness. They all feel lonely and seek redemption. Gene and Nubsib found theirs and Aoey pushes his away. They all hate the feeling of loneliness but have gotten so used to it, it made them a bit bitter and feel a certain level of worthlessness. Like redemption would never come. But it did, at least for the main characters, but that doesn't necessarily mean everything is fine now and I like this. Even though they've grown, they are still not untouchable and there's always something that could set them back and make them face a challenge. Mostly, BLs end as soon as they are together and when everything looks like they will last forever. They feel untouchable because "love survives" but here we have a situation which is challenging for both of them and it looks like they are nearly breaking up because of this. Their relationship is not untouchable at all because the outside is also a part of their lives (like it normally is). BLs just tend to forget that but Lovely Writer thankfully doesn't and talks about this which I really like about this new episode.

Anyway, I have to go to bed now...

#lovely writer #gene x nubsib #aoey #i just want all of them happy #they deserve the whole world

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Do you think you could do headcanons for if Richie got a woman pregnant on a one-night-stand, and the woman just ended up dropping the baby on his doorstep, and how the losers, including Richie, would react?

- let’s say this happens a few months after Derry 2.0

- because before that Richie was still very deep in the closet and he trying to prove to everyone around him that he’s very heterosexual.

- The woman he has a one night stand with is friends with Steve, mostly because he is secretly hoping she tell Steve about their night

- (Richie thinks Steve is suspecting that he’s gay and want to nip it in the bud)

- They go back to Richie’s place on evening after getting McDonald’s and it’s fine, obviously Richie doesn’t feel anything for her but she’s nice enough that he likes talking to her

- One thing leads to another and they spend the night together

- The next day things aren’t hostile between them but it is akward because Richie is nervously fluttering hoping she’ll go home soon

- She does and they don’t keep in touch, which is fine for Richie. He doesn’t want to feel the guilt every time he looks at her knowing that he used her for his own gain.

- Richie mostly forgets about that night and her, and after Derry he’s too busy to pay that night any thought

- His head over heels for Eddie now, and he’s gearing up to tell him soon.

- He’s waiting for Eddie’s divorce to come through. He doesn’t want to add pressure on Eddie during such a demanding time but, he’s excited for what will happen after.

- So they’re not yet dating, but they’re getting there. It’s just a matter of time.

- And then Steve shows up with his baby one morning.

- He’s pale white, and the hand of which he’s hold the maxicosi is trembling

- Of course, Richie being the trash mouth that he is, starts making fun of him.

- He doesn’t understand why Steve would have a baby with him (as far as he’s heard Steve didn’t want kids) but the comedy gold is right there for grabbing.

- ‘What’s the baby for Steve? Did you father a baby I didn’t know anything about?’

- Uno reverse card

- When Steve bashfully admits that it’s not his kid, but Richie’s, the latter laughs.

- At first he’s convinced it’s just Steve messing with him, but Steve would never go as far as to kidnap a baby.

- He still continues to chuckle even after apprehension starts to take hold him off

- ‘It’s not a joke Richie, this is your daughter.’

- Instead of becoming serious as the situation calls for it, Richie begins to cackle.

- Not laugh, not chuckle or snort, cackle.

- He’s so confused, and flabbergasted and he can’t believe this tiny human thing crying in her crib is his.

- ‘I’m just the messenger man,’ Steve placates, slowly sinking the carrier to the ground.

- When Richie is finally done laughing ( it goes on for a very long time) Steve is itching to get out of there.

- He leaves with very little more explanation other than; ‘it was your one night stand from a few months ago, she doesn’t have a name yet, and her mother is refusing to take care of her.

- Richie finds himself just staring at this tiny little thing that’s beginning to cry and whimper as she kicks her tiny feet in the air.

- She starts to cry earnestly after about five minutes, not to fond of not being payed attention too for so long

- Richie tries to shush her gently, but it’s a baby and they don’t listen to what anyone tells them too.

- The cries grow in intensity, and Richie’s slowly losing his mind.

- He’s pacing his apartment, in a daze. He’s working on automatic pilot, because he can’t comprehend the fact that he just became a father, he’s clueless about what to do

- His own daughters birthday remains a mystery to him for god sake.

- If Richie were thinking logically, he’d call Steve and ask him to come back and explain everything in a better way, but he’s not, and he can only think with his emotions.

- He ends up calling Ben and Bev.

- His first instinct was to call Eddie, seeing as Eddie is his best friend and all, but Eddie would panicked just as much as him and that would be of no help.

- Reaching out to Stan also pops up in his mind, but he can’t deal with cynical saying right now. He needs people who will be sympathetic towards him and hopefully tell him what to do.

- On the phone he barely explains anything to bev and Ben, but he does tell them to hurry up.

- When they get to the apartment, Ben and Bev are shocked at seeing the little baby, and get concerned after Richie fails to give them an answer about how or why she’s in his house.

- Regardless, they step up up to the task and do their best to take care of the girl they know nothing about.

- Ben drives to the store to get formula and blankets and diapers, while Bev fishes her out of her crib and begins to slowly rock her. They’re both calm and collected.

- Richie on the other hand is snapping out of his haze, and the reality of the situation begins to dawn on him.

- Bev tries to console him but it’s hard when she has zero background information.

- Ben comes back and heats up her formula, but she refuses to drink and lets out a piercing cry in refusal.

- Even Bev’s rocking isn’t doing anything the south the baby, and out of desperation, Richie begins to cry.

- Because Bev is out of option herself, and doesn’t have a clue on how to help Richie, she passes him the baby.

- Richie is terrified of holding this petit thing that fits just exactly right in his arms. He’s scared of crushing her or dropping her and messing her up for life.

- But miraculously, as soon as she’s snuggled in his arms, she stops crying.

- She’s just content to lay there with her dad, who eventually tries to bottle feed her and it works. She eagerly drinks from it.

- First crisis evaded

- But, after everyone has processed the first major shock, Richie needs to give Ben and Bev the answers they deserve now.

- Richie tries to be as straight forward as he can, but he hasn’t had the details yet himself.

- The two losers insists that he tells the others of their group right away. It’s too big of a secret to hide, and they need all the help they can get.

- Again, none of the losers are informed as to why they have to go to Richie’s house ASAP, but they still do, because he’s there best friend and they wouldn’t be called if it wasn’t important.

- It’s Stan and Patty that arrive after Bev and Ben.

- Stan and Patty are less astounded for some reason.

- Patty doesn’t even inquire, she just goes straight into cooing over the baby fase.

- She’ll sit next to Richie (still holding his daughter) and begins talking gibberish to the baby about how beautiful she is.

- Richie agrees.

- Stan follows her lead, but he simply observes the two of them together and then sits near touching to Richie.

- ‘I should have know you’d be the first one with a kid Trashmouth.’

- But he doesn’t lecture Richie, or starts to interrogate him about anything.

- He must have sensed that Richie wasn’t up to it at the moment.

- Bill and Mike are next.

- Within stepping one food inside the place, and spotting Richie with a baby, Bill laughs, and asks him who he knocked up.

- He intends it as a joke, obviously, but when no one else laughs, he realises how right he is.

- ‘Richie... have you been keeping your baby from us for three months?’ Mike asks, a little offended.

- ‘What do you mean three months?’

- ‘She’s clearly three months old. You can tell by her development.’ When everyone just stares at him, Mike explains further. ‘I had a lot of time on my my hands after you all left Derry. Maybe I spend that time reading children books.’

- He doesn’t more time to elaborate, because that’s the moment Eddie arrives.

- It’s his reaction Richie is most frightened off.

- He’s in love with Eddie, loves him with all his heart, but he can’t ask Eddie to date a man that just became a father. That would mean not only choosing him, but also his child.

- Eddie looks at the baby, at Richie and then back, and follows it up by cursing;’what the fuck’. loudly.

- The harsh sound startles the baby, but with a gentle kiss on the forehead that Richie gives her, she’s pacified back into sleep.

- ‘Oh shit, oh no. I need an explanation, right now.’

- Richie explains the story yet again, and hopes that none of his friends will label him as an asshole at the end of it.

- Of course they don’t, but Eddie is headed up over the whole situation.

- ‘I know a lot of lawyers after my divorce with Myra, I could hook you up someone.’

- ‘She can’t just dump her baby on you without any of the proper paperwork. What if she has a deadly disease and needs to get continuos treatment?’

- Eddie’s ‘advice’ turns Richie’s complexion green, and his stomach in knots. He’s never had to thought of that stuff before, and now he has a whole human being that depends on him for everything.

- Stan snaps at Eddie to stop him from adding more stress onto Richie, which Eddie does with a guilty apologie.

- ‘Look Richie,’ Stan says to him with full seriousness. ‘You need to decide what you’re going to do,and unfortunately you do not have a lot of time. You cannot put this off, she needs a name, and a crib and everything she needs to survive. You need to make a decision if you’re keeping her.’

- Richie gazes down upon his baby. The same baby he hasn’t let go off from the second he held her. He’s so scared, beyond explanation or able to put it in words, but this is his daughter. He could give her up for adoption, and he live would remain the same, but he knows she excites now, and to give her away to strangers? He don’t think he could have the heart.

- But...

- ‘I can’t do it by myself’, he admits, voice small and honest.

- ‘You’d never have to.’ Eddie responds, one of his fingers stroking over the ring babies head. He looks absolutely smitten.

- His life was uprooted once again, but last time the change wasn’t bad at all. Richie is confident, this won’t be bad either.

- Barely a month later Eddie moves in with them full time, and becomes pops to Maggie lover Tozier.

#adult reddie #reddie #reddie hc #hc #losers club hc #it chapter two #it chapter two hc #my writing #Richie has a daughter #Richie as a dad #Richie as a father #the losers are very supportive

[eternalthenas]

what bothers me the most about tros and what i’m most unable to accept is how jj managed to destroy and disrespect EVERY single character. even the ones who technically had “happy endings”🤡

ben - i feel like this one doesn’t even need to be said, but i’ll say it anyways. after years of emotional abuse from palpatine, it’s disheartening to see that jj gave no explanation as to why palpatine wanted ben (personal vendetta against the skywalkers i guess??) when it semed like he only needed rey AND that ben never really triumphed over palpatine in any way. it hurts to know that leia straight up had a vision about her son’s death but that she still seemingly gave up on him despite knowing that he was struggling and that she sent him off to train to be jedi with a luke, when apparently she could’ve done that herself. it’s disheartening that luke who believed even vader could be turned back to the light also gave up on his nephew, when he was just a boy no less. it’s disheartening that although he was the last skywalker (a fact only palpatine acknowledged!), none of his family nor his namesake reached out to help him. instead of telling the last skywalker to rise, they ignored him (as they had apparently done his whole life) in favor of a palpatine. ok. even though as the last skywalker, he really should’ve been the one to have the final kill against palpatine since it was HIS family that palpatine destroyed, he doesn’t. he’s motionless in a pit for the whole final battle. ok. that will never not leave a bad taste in my mouth. his whole family (except for han apparently i love him) gave up on him and clearly so did the writers. as a fan of the skywalkers and their story, this isn’t the ending i wanted for them. especially when luke and leia and han had given their lives to see him turn to the light. and for what? so he could be used as a plot device to conveniently bring rey back to life and then promptly die (even though they’re a force dryad and, according to jj’s own fucking canon, supposedly one) without any fanfare, emotional reaction whatsoever, or later mention? wtf? it’s disrespectful not only to ben solo, who is easily the best character in the sequel trilogy and one of the best characters in ALL of star wars, but it’s disrespectful to the entire skywalker line!! (and to adam driver, who deserved so much better than this shit. go get that oscar)

rey - by making her a palpatine, jj completely disregarded her arc. whatever your opinions about rey nobody, once they went with it, they never should’ve retconned it and turned her into a legacy character in the final film. it felt cheap. in my theater, there was no cheering about this reveal. because jj had never properly set it up and he didn’t even bother to reveal it an impactful way. but what’s most annoying about rey suddenly being a legacy character is that it completely disregards the fact that she was powerful on her OWN, without any famous blood making her that way. furthermore, by turning her into the chosen one and giving her the entire skywalker legacy (which felt like a slap in the face to the skywalkers imo), she did turn into a mary sue, one of the biggest complaints about her since day 1. she was overpowered, morally perfect, and never faced any failure. i struggled to root for her as the “hero” because i felt everything was handed to her on a silver platter. so not only did jj turn her into a mary sue and take her power away from her by turning her into a legacy, but he also destroyed the fact that her whole arc had been “seeking belonging” and a family. rather than having her final scenes be with her new found family, she ends the movie with her canon soulmate dead and no one but a droid by her side on a desert planet of all places. to add further insult to injury, she also disregards her family name even though they supposedly loved her and sacrificed themselves for her (despite the fact that they sold her but whatever) in favor of a last name of a guy she had barely known. she had more emotional connection to han or leia, but she didn’t take their last name. she took luke’s, the guy who had refused to teach her and who she had come to view in a more negative light towards the end of tlj. in this house i will not EVER be calling her rey sky- i can’t even say it🤢

finn - in all honestly, they screwed finn’s character arc in episode 1 when jj turned him into a lovesick sidekick who served as comedic relief. as a deserted stormtrooper, he could’ve had the most interesting storylines. and he should have. but apparently the writers forgot about him. although they mention his past BRIEFLY, it’s paid no real weight or attention. instead, he spends the whole movie once again trying to (possibly) confess his feeling for rey. and for what? probably just to bait finnrey fans and prove the character’s heterosexuality bc it goes absolutely nowhere. although we find out he’s force sensitive, that too is glossed over and has no lasting effect. he’s also made co general, which okay cool, but then he does nothing?? so while finn could have and should have been a main character with an interesting storyline, they turn him into your average run of the mill action hero with an occasional quip. john boyega, sweetie, i’m so sorry (but i guess that’s kind of what he wanted since he hated tlj, the only movie where he actually had a main role with any character growth?? idk)

poe - it’s once again evident that they originally intended to kill off poe bc he has no arc whatsoever. he gets a little backstory as a drug smuggler now ig, which really came out of left field considering the already established canon with his past as a pilot. he’s more of the same in this movie, except more unlikable than usual (imo). he’s still stubborn, occasionally funny, but mostly he just bickers with rey, which isn’t funny, at all necessary, and doesn’t add anything to the “trio’s” dynamic. he’s at his best when he’s with finn but then, of course, jj has to remind us of how straight he is every single scene so. another character like finn who could have been great, but with the lazy writing, he has no arc, no backstory, no character growth, so he’s just mediocrity personified and just kind of there.

zorii & jannah - both could’ve been awesome. both are just there for a brief introduction and to help the heroes with maybe one thing and that’s it. both deserved better.

the skywalkers - yeah jj really said a big fuck you to luke, leia, and anakin most of all. the WORST part of tros is the fact that it basically makes the previous six episodes useless. anakin’s redemption arc? what does it matter now? he didn’t successfully bring balance to the force. he didn’t successfully kill palpatine. and now his entire bloodline is dead. ok cool😎 thank you jj!!!! what a hopeful end to the skywalker saga!!!! i love seeing that anakin failed and wasn’t REALLY the chosen one. i love that luke and leia gave their legacy to a descendant of the guy who tried to tear apart and terrorized their family. that’s really nice. i love that anakin NEVER reached out to help his grandson who struggled with the dark just like he did. but that he came in just in time to tell palp’s granddaughter to rise😍 really hopeful, lovely ending. thanks again jj! thanks for making leia seem like a bad mother who sees visions about her son but just throws in the towel and doesn’t really try to help him?? wtf??? not my princess leia. also tros luke? truly the worst luke. i really have no other words, i’m just disappointed. jj let me down in every single way possible and ones i didn’t even realize he could.

palpatine - jj also managed to ruin the best star wars villain, a feat i didn’t even think possible. palpatine had always seemed scary to me because of his inhuman qualities. but in this one, he’s back with no explanation whatsoever. he just is. he somehow managed to survive (ok🙄) and furthermore he had a kid. what in the fuck? jj clearly read harry potter and the cursed child, but he clearly also forgot to read the reviews. NOBODY LIKES IT WHEN THE PREVIOUSLY UNTOUCHABLE/SCARY VILLAIN HAS A KID OUT OF NOWHERE. NOBODY. i seriously spent the entire movie wondering who the heck would sleep with him? that’s it. he didn’t seem menacing or at all like a threat. this movie genuinely had no stakes whatsoever (that’s why ben’s death feels so out of left field bc literally for what?! but i digress) also the final “fight” where rey kills him??? very lame. he supposedly survived all those years to be taken out like that?? no thank you, i’d like a refund.

in conclusion, thank you to jj for ruining my favorite franchise by killing off every last one of my favorite characters, destroying the skywalker legacy (& killing them off), ruining seriously every character, and leaving me with despair!!! while i’ll continue to watch star wars without including episode 9, it sucks that some of my joy is zapped from my favorite series. because this is how future generations will know star wars. with this shitty ending. and any future movies will have this canon. and that really fricking sucks. thanks, i hate it.

anyways feel free to message if you’re also in the depths of despair about how this all ended!! bc the more i think about it, the sadder/angrier i get.

#star wars #sw negativity #the rise of skywalker #tros spoilers #tros #anti tros #ben solo #kylo ren #rey #finn #poe dameron #luke skywalker #leia organa #anakin skywalker #emperor palpatine #adam driver #daisy ridley #john boyega #oscar isaac #mark hamill #carrie fisher #hayden christensen #ian mcdiarmid #obi wan kenobi #zorii bliss #jannah #jj abrams

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 28: 3x01 Spock’s Brain

Today’s ep was the infamous Spock’s Brain. I’d never seen it before and always insisted I didn’t want to but...this is a complete rewatch so I guess I kinda had to.

As predicted, it was bad. Utter nonsense for a premise and the actual execution shot through with sexism. There were some aspects that I did like but most of them have been done better by other eps--and in any case were not worth the ridiculous basis of the ep itself. Honestly, if I were watching all this live, and I waited months for this, I might have wondered if the show weren’t better off cancelled.

But I would have been wrong because the next ep is The Enterprise Incident so! Sometimes you just need to be patient.

This episode is starting out so strangely. Why is the bridge being shot from all these weird angles? And why do the colors seem...duller?

They really can spy on these other ships, huh?

“My name is Captain James Kirk.” Not breaking out the middle initial today, I see.

Chapel going for the drama as she falls down.

Kirk too, sprawled over his chair. (Makes me think of “The chair is, in fact, not bolted to the ground.”)

This honestly reads like a bad parody of Star Trek.

Ridiculous lines include: “His brain is gone.” “His incredible Vulcan physique.” “In search of his brain.” “Where are you going to look for his brain?” “It was taken out, it can be put back in.”

“Spock’s body is more dependent on his brain” than a human’s. Ummmm I feel like there’s something suspicious in there.

The only good thing about this ep is Kirk’s devotion to Spock.

Seriously why does the bridge look so different? Filming it from a different location changes everything.

When Kirk paces in front of the view screen, it really shows off how small it is.

“The spaceship that has Spock’s brain.”

I like these schematics and Chekov’s little presentation here. Also Kirk can automatically put years to all the planet evolution codes or whatever--like on the one hand, of course he can, that’s his job, but on another... what a nerd.

Honestly these people--obviously, they are underground on the ice planet. Obviously!!! I actually do appreciate this scene in general, with the bridge crew working out a problem on the bridge, which actually almost never happens--it’s definitely the best scene of the ep--but still. It’s obviously the ice planet.

Also, I like that Uhura gets to contribute. She thinks outside of the box, asks the good questions. Don’t just look at the outside evolution of the planet--ask about what the brain could be used for, and where it might be.

“Get there, find the brain.”

Oh no, he accidentally called Scotty Spock :(

“High of 40. Livable.” I realize this is a Russian joke but that’s really not that bad lol. Definitely not an ice age anymore.

“They give pain and delight.” So they’re dominatrixes?

“You are small.” Well no need to be mean about it.

Don’t you have a companion?? Love that that’s one of their synonyms for “spouse” or “partner.”

The alien men look like they’re wearing short jean skirts.

“A dead and buried city on a planet in a glacial age.” That’s a good idea. Could have done something better with that.

Chekov’s still stuck on the no women thing, I think.

Why did they dress Spock in a leftover outfit from This Side of Paradise?

McCoy and his stimulants again, waking up the alien lady after they stunned her. Multi-purpose.

“I know nothing about a brain.” Clearly.

So all the women live below ground, and all the men live above...

Ah-ha, they have found Spock’s voice.

“There is a definite pleasurable experience connected with the hearing of your voice.” This ep is almost worth it for that line.

Also Kirk’s face when he hears Spock’s voice.

I like that Spock is still funny. Honestly he’s probably funnier disembodied. This is a very humorous Spock characterization. “That is a practical idea. It seems unlikely that I shall be able to get to you.”

WHAT IS BRAIN.

They’re being quite sexist, aren’t they? “No engineering geniuses here. Only women. None of these women could ever have done surgery on Spock’s brain.” Like I know it’s that they’re obviously (or supposedly obviously) naive and childlike but like combining that with the sex segregated society and the actual phrasing of these lines (WOMEN?? Engineers?? Doctors??) plus Kirk assuming the Controller is a man (who says?) all creates this like definite sexist vibe while watching. Ugh make it stop.

How can Spock’s brain control everything? They’ve only had it for 5 minutes.

“Mistress.” I told you they were dominatrixes.

Oh yeah Captain Sulu!!

More sexist quotes: “What a way to maintain control over a man.” “I’ve certainly noticed their delightful aspects.” Please stop talking; you’re digging yourselves in a deeper hole.

(Seriously though--I feel like the unspoken world building fact here is that the women need the men for procreation specifically, which is why they capture the men, and then control them--using the “pain belts”--to have sex--the “pleasure.” They probably also use them for other labor, given the presence of the male guards and the line “they won’t help us if we don’t control them” or whatever it was. But surely the delightfulness of the women is more than their physical appearance, is what I’m saying.)

What is the commentary on gender here? Women = scary, dumb, and hot?

Yeah, how DOES Spock’s brain fit into this?

Lol at Spock’s empty body calmly watching them all fighting.

“Science will triumph.” A real lost opportunity in the AOS-verse to have Kirk say this after a bar brawl.

“You are a disembodied brain.” I feel like there’s a (McCoy) joke in here about how he’s reached his ideal state.

His body is the building. (I was right, I totally called this plot point as soon as Spock started talking about his incredibly large body and how his brain was still doing things like regulating oxygen. I must say... this is not a bad idea, except for the brain stealing part. Like there’s something in there, the idea of the complex as a body, powered by a brain. Idk.)

So basically Spock is taking another opportunity to insult Bones’ medical skills. Oh Spock, never change.

I feel like Bones is enjoying his Spock puppet, on some level.

“Pain bands.”

Use the Spock puppet, Kirk! Use it to fight the lady alien!

“The controller is young and powerful, perfect.” / “How very flattering.” LOL I can’t believe this is real.

“You took his brain. You will put it back.”

So the alien lady puts on the spiky helmet and now she’s suddenly smart. I hate thissssssssssss.

(I actually do think the idea of old knowledge stored outside of the... brains...of the current generation, for their own protection, as decided by the paternalist elders... is not itself a bad concept. Of course it’s also a concept that other eps did better, like The Apple or For the World is Hollow or even Return of the Archons. Again, combining it with all the gross things they said about women earlier just leaves a bad taste. Even though--even though!!--we don’t know who the elder people were. Like, was this a matriarchal society that saved the women in the underground because they were better? Or was it a patriarchal society that put the women in the underground because they were considered weak and in need of protection? I rather assumed the second, but I think there’s some evidence for the first, in particular, that the story reeks of Sexualized Male Fear. What’s a better combination of hot and scary than a matriarchy of women in short skirts?)

“Got your gun.” (But the other way around.)

“Our need for the Controller is more important than your need for your friend.” That sounds an awful lot like “The needs of the many outweigh needs of the one” and we all know what Kirk thinks about that. That said, he’s really not...engaging with her facially fair argument at all.

“No one may kill a man. Not for any purpose. It cannot be condoned.”

Love Scotty’s acting skills. Gotta get this gun back really fast--create a diversion by fainting! But not too much!

I do love McCoy. He’s an adventurer too. He pretends he’s not but he jumps at the chance to discover and learn. He will not hesitate to put himself in danger if it’s for the common good or to protect his friends.

“Put the teacher on.”

Now finally Kirk is engaging with the fate of the society he’s encountered lol. Like, again, he’s not wrong; they’ve stagnated under the computer/controller and it’s not moral to steal from someone else to keep your comfortable and boring life going when you could just do the work yourself, but coming this late, it feels like an afterthought. It’s also weird that she just like stood by and let them take Spock and his brain after all that to do about...not letting them have the brain. Like at the end of the day she was not so inept. Also, they never explained what happens to all the knowledge in the teacher. One would assume they’d have to access it--or not? They’re just to start from scratch? Also legit I guess. And finally... all I can really hear, in the emphasis on integrating with the men again, is “You’ll learn how to develop a society naturally and also about heterosexual sex wink wink.” (Except that as I said... I think they know about that.)

I see McCoy’s regretting that “child’s play” talk now.

“Give priority to reconnecting Spock’s vocal cords.” Yep that’s how the brain works for sure.

Wow Spock really does have to do everything himself. Including operate on himself.

“This Vulcan is telling me how to operate.”

How did he operate without...opening Spock’s skull... in any way??

Not to question the verisimilitude of Spock’s Brain lol.

Everyone’s being so rude--Spock is providing valuable last minute exposition/explanation about this weird-ass society!

It’s always odd when they don’t return to the bridge. Like, they’re not going to collect Chekov?

That was... something.

I liked a few things: any excuse for Kirk to be devoted to Spock; the humor Spock showed; I liked the bridge scene where they looked at the map of the planets; and I liked certain things about the premise of the episode, although, like I said, most of the general aspects (post-disaster society, reliance on computers, etc.) had been done better in other episodes. I liked the look into the Male Brain lol.

What I didn’t like was how outright ridiculous the basic catalyzing event was--Spock’s brain has been literally stolen like??? Are you kidding me? That led to a considerable amount of dialogue that read like a Star Trek parody. Did not like that. And of course, as I said... the sexism. I think I’ve unpacked that enough. It didn’t need to be sexist, and you can explain it in a way that’s not, but the vibe sure was. It was like... well a lot of TOS is like this imo. You can give it an A (or at least a B) for effort, but what comes out is so obviously tainted by the sexism of the creators. Like, for example, how they say they believe in women who are just as capable and professional as men, but struggle to show it. This ep wanted to show a matriarchal society but it wasn’t really a matriarchal society--it was a Freudian dream that was all about the male psyche and what it most fears and wants.

All that said.. the next ep is a D.C. Fontana creation featuring one of my favorite TOS Ladies, the Female Romulan Commander, so I will be receiving a consolation prize.

Also the AOS verse is still more sexist and doesn’t have an excuse I said what I said.

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #2021: fandom thougts #star trek tos

[myrrheart]

RICHARD WAS GAY, CAMILLA WASN’T MEANT TO DESERVE BETTER, CHANGE MY MIND: THE DISSERTATION

Hi. I finished The Secret History in October. Here’s the radioactive take I’ve been sitting on for two months.

In keeping and facilitating any discussion of representation (or lackthereof) in The Secret History, it's important to note that Donna intentionally wrote it to closely mimick the upper echelons of elite collegiate academia within the United States: an overtly white, heterosexual, and wealthy pocket of young adults attempting to parade as and/or speak on behalf of those who aren't.

[spoilers under the cut]

That being said, an all-white lead cast is not only appropriate but necessary, as it allows the reader to familiarize themselves with the intimacies of a setting and social crowd made previously foreign, either by circumstance or the deliberate smoke-and-screen thrown up by academic elitists in order to shield their near-archaic world and ensuing social norms from the broader, less-white, less-straight, less- wealthy public. All this is to say: The Secret History is written entirely from the first-person limited perspective of a straight white cis male and therein lies the social commentary. Richard, although to his begrudging credit as having been arguably one of the most moral characters in the entire novel, is still at fault for falling prey to The Mortifying Ordeal of Being A Man. He stays silent in the wake of Bunny's flagrantly homophobic, racist, sexist, and antisemitic tirades -- even when the brunt of this is revealed to Richard on their first evening out together. He regards Judy as simple-minded and coked-out and calls upon her only when it benefits him or furthers the plot arch in which he himself is almost too aware that he stars. He thumbs through the catalogue of women at parties like they're kitchen appliances, and when he's confronted on a notable occasion that he's stolen someone else's, he matter-of-factly evades responsibility, blame, and the kitchen itself. And, most notably, Camilla. For a novel so cleverly crafted from nuance and innuendo, a cliche like love at first sight seems almost insincere. And you'd be right in that assumption. Caustic, anxious, pessimistic, emotionally-detached Richard has no business pining after Camilla the moment he lays eyes on her -- especially not after allocating a measly half-paragraph to her physical appearance upon first glance. And ESPECIALLY not when the prior page was near entirely dedicated to Mr. Abernathy (but we'll get to this). If you really pay attention... All Richard ever comes to appreciate about Camilla is her outward makeup -- specifically the clot of honey-colored hair at her temples that he references several times. The closest he ever comes to introspection and empathy is when he laments over how "difficult" it must be to exist in a "boy's club." (DIRECT quotes.) When Camilla shows up at his bedroom door and reaches out to him about the sexual, emotional, and physical abuse she's endured at the hands of her brother, his gut instinct is to doubt her. When she shows him the evidence, it's anger. When she refuses to move back in with him at his insistence, it's to kick her out back onto the campus where Charles is scouring after her. Richard regards Camilla as little more than something pretty to look at, and the only reason he's attracted to her and values her beyond the likes of the Judy Pooveys of Bennington is because Camilla is in the classics program; Camilla recites ancient Greek in perfect memory; Camilla wears Tweed and comes from money and embodies the peak of the class struggle that Richard has been traumatized by since birth -- and she's neatly packaged into a petite fair-haired girl his age, just to top it all off. There is a reason why Camilla is the main character we know least about. We aren't meant to care. We are Richard, and Richard doesn't care. He wants and lusts and yearns after what she is -- not who she is. To him, she embodies everything he is supposed to want in life: wealth, intellect, status -- all things he's been shown to chase after to near ridiculous lengths. It almost wouldn't matter if she wasn't even a girl ooOH WAIT CUT THE MUSIC [record scratch] [freeze frame] Let's introduce Francis! Out of the Murder Gang, Francis is the one Richard spends the most time devoted to describing, most memorably on that very first day he catalogued them all walking across the lawn. And not only is Richard most preoccupied by him -- of all the things Francis possesses (good style, great taste in fashion, a dry, bland sort of humor that compliments Richards own brand near perfectly) Richard is obsessed with Francis's homosexuality. Richard is so hyperfixated on Francis's homosexuality that he vividly remembers the day , time, and place of when he'd rejected Francis's infinisemal advances, and then mulls over it for months in detail and is able to bring it forth at at the drop of a hat when faced with the HINT of another advancement from Francis. For an unreliable narrator, Richard sure is able to recall gay panic. In staggering detail. Richard is SO hyperfixated on Francis that upon receiving his suicide note, he BOOKS A FLIGHT ACROSS THE COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY. After having held no serious, steady contact with him after they'd committed a murder together. Richard not only drops everything to fly from CA to NY overnight, he also bears witness to Francis's (basically) arranged marriage and immediately following the blatant explanation and display of Francis's family's homophobia, ASKS CAMILLA TO MARRY HIM. In a last-ditch effort to save face, to bury his homosexual urges that have resurfaced after years of self-inflicted suppression, to convince himself that if Francis can stomach it (albeit barely) then so can he -- all of these interpretations are left up to the reader. One thing is for certain, though: his spontaneous proposal to Camilla comes right off the tail end of his visiting Francis in-person for the last time in the novel. Perhaps the reader expects there to be a revelation or a sudden spark of insight into Camilla's character which we have never before gleaned -- but there isn’t. And if that isn't a direct confirmation of Camilla's role not as a character, but as a plot device, then I would politely redirect your attention to how even her denial of Richard is soft-spoken, gentle, and ultimately kind; what woman do you know would save that kind of otherworldly grace for a man who'd repeatedly scorned her, advanced on her without her consent, and asked her to marry him in the middle of a crowded train station? Camilla is the male fantasy and the physical representation of what Richard should want for himself. Francis (along with Literally Every Other Male Character His Age In This Novel) represent a call to something darker, something taboo, something ultimately detrimental; Cloke and his drugs; Charles and his drinking; Henry and his penchant for murder (and sociopathy and control issues and... Yeah);  Bunny and his lying; Francis and his... It's not so much that Francis is the sole symbol of sin and indulgence to Richard: it's that Francis is the only one remotely attainable, because Francis is the only one that would feasibly sleep with him, because Francis is a homosexual and... is that why Richard spends paragraphs upon pages upon chapters mulling over Francis's sex life? Is that why 'homosexual' is one of the first things we learn about Francis? Is that why Richard doesn't even do a good job at convincing himself, let alone the reader, that he doesn't want to hook up with Francis -- a handful of lines before they get as far as second (and arguably third) base? In conclusion: the alternative title of The Secret History should be whatever the ancient Greek equivalent is of the colloquialism "no homo." But the Greeks sure did love their gays, didn't they...? :-)

#the secret history #dark academia #donna tartt #richard papen #francis abernathy #camilla macaulay #charles macaulay #henry winter #bunny the secret history #tsh #tsh spoilers #mine #my writing #judy poovey #cloke rayburn

[enkelimagnus]

Literature

Bucky Barnes Gen, 1756 words, rated T for Hydra shit

Jewish Bucky Barnes, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Episode 3 Power Broker

Sam falls asleep on the plane over to Madripoor and leaves Bucky and Zemo alone. They actually talk to each other. I would say it's nice.

TW: brief allusion to past rape, internalized homophobia, brief mention of the holocaust

Read on AO3

Part 20 of Making a Home - the Jewish Bucky series

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It’s an eleven hour flight from Berlin to Madripoor, even with Zemo’s private jet. Once drinks have been served, food has been eaten and threats have been made, they all find themselves settling.

Sam has dozed off on a seat, seemingly exhausted. After all, they’ve already travelled the eight hours from the states, and the day has been stressful at best. At least, Sam trusts him enough to fall asleep while Bucky watches Zemo. He wasn’t expecting that. Or perhaps his human physiology is betraying him.

Bucky needs less sleep than a normal human on regular days, and he also can survive much longer sleep deprived. He’s well aware of the limitations of his body. Hydra tested them thoroughly and multiple times. Zemo would know as well, that Bucky might look tired but it doesn’t diminish his abilities as much as it seems.

The man in question is at his seat with his book, though he’s regularly looking up through the windows of the plane or around the cabin. There’s something quiet and wistful about the way he stares at a spot where the carpeting is not perfectly set against the wall to the bathroom.

The silence is good, especially after earlier, where Sam and Zemo somehow managed to gang up on him about Marvin Gaye of all people.

It’s not that Bucky doesn’t like Marvin Gaye. He just doesn’t like much music. He’s sort of lost the taste for it. His brain is usually unable to perceive it as anything but unnecessary noise that keeps him from being completely aware of his surroundings. And at least 40s music doesn’t have death and rape associated to it.

And he doesn’t need to know what Steve thought of it, whether Steve loved it or not. He’s not Steve. Steve journeyed light into the 21st century. Everything was something new to learn and experience, it was exciting and bright. Bucky is travelling with baggage. And he has memories attached to songs and tastes and sensations and events.

Bucky simply can’t use the notebook the way Steve did.

Sometimes, he wonders if Sam forgets Bucky wasn’t simply on ice for 80 years. The issue with him is that he lived through most of it, and it was all torture.

Or maybe not all . He woke up craving Karpov’s kasha the other week, and it makes no sense. He only tasted it during one specific time of his life, when Karpov and him got stuck in a safehouse in the snow, with no way to reach the outside world, for two weeks. The Soldier’s rations and formulas ran out long before they were able to leave. Karpov was too smart to let him starve, and perhaps that time alone with the Soldier, away from the world, with no way to freeze him or unplug him had made him see he was still a man. The kasha was warm, and thick, and sweet and sometimes, Bucky remembers that feeling and craves it.

The danger with people like him, America’s Super Soldiers, is that we put them on pedestals.

Zemo’s right.

In all honesty, Bucky believes he’s forgotten who Steve really was.

Memories become blurry when they age and no matter how desperate Bucky is to crystalize them, to remember them, to be sure of what he lived, all he manages to do is to frame faded photographs and fill in the blanks himself.

Steve and him didn’t have time. He found him after two years of searching, only for Bucky to be back on ice within two weeks. After that, Steve visited a few times during his recovery, when he introduced him to the goats he’d named after the sisters he finally remembered. And then, there was the War, and the Snap and once Bucky was back to life, Steve was shattered. And two weeks later, he was gone.

They didn’t have time to learn each other again. Bucky doesn’t know who Steve is anymore, half of his memories feel tainted by Smithsonian explanations, and he hates it so fucking much.

He hates that he can’t remember right, he hates that Steve’s slipping away from him every second of every day, that all that is left is the fucking shield and Captain America. That Steve’s legacy doesn’t seem to run deeper than that, else Bucky would have less of a single-minded focus on that fucking piece of useless fucking metal.

It’s only been three months. Why does Steve feel like he’s been gone for a lifetime?

Bucky breathes out a shuddering breath.

When his eyes focus again, Zemo is staring at him.

The book is open on his lap. Bucky can read the title. Same Sex Fantasies in Heterosexuals. Fucking hell. He doesn’t need that right now. At all.

“You’re a different man than the one I remember,” Zemo says quietly after a moment. His voice is soft, just slightly above a whisper. He knows Bucky has sharp ears. He knows he doesn’t need to wake Sam up.

Bucky dignifies that with a huff and looks away for a moment. Zemo’s eyes don’t leave him. He can feel them on him, on his face, on his throat, on his hands, on his body. They make him itch. They make him want to punch him for looking at him like that.

Like what?

You know exactly like what.

When Bucky looks back, Zemo’s indeed still watching him.

“You’re old now,” Bucky says eventually, in a vague answer to what Zemo said earlier.

“Eight years have passed, James. You cannot blame a normal man for something he has no control over.”

Eight years. So Bucky was right. Zemo wasn’t dusted. He stayed in that solitary confinement cell for eight years as the world moved on around him, as the world fought and lost half of its people.

Had he wished to be one of the ones that were snapped out of existence? Probably. After all, every second Zemo breathes and exists is a second more he wasn’t supposed to have. He tried to kill himself in Siberia, once his mission was over.

“Do you ever read normal stuff?” Bucky asks, a bite in his words.

Zemo raises an eyebrow, head tilting slightly to the side. His eyes are still glued to Bucky’s face. He still wants to punch him.

“I would need you to define ‘normal stuff’ to answer this question.” There is a hint of mirth in those brown eyes though. He knows exactly what Bucky means.

Bucky huffs and rolls his eyes. “Machiavelli, fucking… whatever this shit is,” he makes a motion of his chin towards the book. It’s in German, something about boundaries in relationships. Hilarious, really. It’s not like Zemo has anyone to set boundaries with. Unless those eight years of solitary have somehow driven a rift between Zemo and his own dick. “That’s not normal stuff. Novels, popular stuff…”

“I wonder,” Zemo starts. “Have you any recommendations for titles of ‘popular stuff’ for me?”

Everything Bucky can think of is old. He’d told himself he’d look into acquiring books but… he hadn’t had the time or the energy.

“I see your taste in literature has elected to stay with your taste in music, then.”

Fucking ass. Bucky closes his eyes and sighs so heavily he’s pretty sure Sam’s going to wake up.

“To answer your question, James,” Zemo starts, conversationally, as if they aren’t enemies, as if they are just old friends, so old they have become strangers. “I do read normal stuff.” The phrasing is foreign in his mouth, in that accented voice of his. “I’ve read all the classics, and children’s literature. Eight years are long. I practiced my Russian with translations of Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings at first.”

Bucky hums, looking up at him for a moment. “I noticed your pronunciation had changed,” he says quietly. “Did you read it to yourself out loud? Pretended someone was telling you a story?”

It’s cheap. They’re both aware of how lonely the past eight years must have been. It’s cheap, and it’s low-hanging and Bucky almost feels guilty.

Zemo’s small smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Have you read Jules Verne?” Bucky asks, trying to erase his taunt with some more literary conversation. “Was obsessed with his work as a kid. Kinda like Tolkien, but even better because it was… full of invention, not of magic.”

There’s a floating moment, a few seconds of Zemo just watching him with that slight sadness in his eyes before it is washed away and replaced by a hum.

“I’ve read those books, yes. In the original French,” Zemo points out and Bucky is almost grateful for the boasting. “You should seek a new translation, if you’re not adept at the original language. The one I assume you read was a descendant of 1870 translations, riddled with errors and political censorship. They fixed that in the 60s. You’ll like the new ones better.”

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “I’ll take that under consideration, I guess.” He’s so sure he’ll like it.

“And if you find yourself in the north of France one of these days, you should stop by this little city called Amiens,” Zemo continues. “A fine place, old and new, in the way only Europe can be. Jules Verne died there. The city’s positively themed after the man and his work. You can even visit his house.”

Visiting a dead man’s last residence? “That’s kinda morbid,” he mutters and Zemo has a small chuckle.

“People visit Anne Frank’s house as if the walls aren’t hollowed with fear,” he points out. “Dying makes one the public’s intimate friend. You know that better than anyone else.” He gives Bucky a sidelong glance. They both know he’s talking about Steve, and the documentaries and exhibits and think-pieces.

Bucky nods quietly and looks back through the window. The sun is painted indigo and pink. It’s beautiful. He’s forgotten the sunset could be this beautiful.

When he looks at Zemo again, he notices the exhaustion written all over his face, in the small wrinkles and under eye bags and the way his eyes won’t settle on anything for too long, desperate to stay awake.

“I’m not gonna kill you,” Bucky says after a moment. “We need you.”

Zemo chuckles tiredly, a soft and muted sound. “If that is the one thing that is keeping me alive… I believe I shall keep myself useful, then.” It’s almost sarcastic. A man living on borrowed time, wishing desperately he could be executed.

“You do that.”

#bucky barnes #helmut zemo #fatws #jewish bucky barnes #mine #fic

[presidentrhodes]

mcu strange/mordo is basically ironhusbands but angstier and with magic

please consider:

their first encounter is mordo watching stephen heal a wounded dog from afar in a deleted scene. its deletion was criminal

stephen's first encounter with mordo is in the middle of getting the shit beaten out of him when mordo swoops in to kick names and take ass

their first physical contact is mordo handing over to stephen his jlc watch with the glass cracked — it is the only thing in stephen's possession which has a connection to his past, and the fact the watch is broken is symbolic too because the old stephen strange is broken as well

when stephen gets kicked out of kamar-taj for his arrogance, it's mordo who appeals to the ancient one and uses the threat of dormammu as a way to convince her to let him back in

she even asks him, "you think i was wrong to cast him out," to which, he replies, "five hours later, he's still at your doorstep." mordo didn't forget about stephen after he was kicked out, he kept tabs on him and implored her to let him back in

when karl and wong are instructing students out in the courtyard, karl literally has eyes only for stephen. he's pacing the courtyard just staring at stephen as he struggles

that whole scene when karl realises the ancient one left stephen stranded on top of everest. his reaction, *chef's kiss* — "oh no, not again," then he immediately reaches for his sling ring to try and go rescue stephen

there is no heterosexual explanation for their sparring session or the way mordo laughs from ear to ear at some lame shit stephen says about how the names of relics just rolls off mordo's tongue. you don't indulge someone's bad jokes with *that* much enthusiasm if you don't also deeply care for him

mordo absolutely loses his shit when stephen gets caught messing around with the eye of agamotto. while wong warns stephen about breaking the space time continuum, karl yells at stephen over the potential implications of what might have happened — stephen not being born, stephen getting caught in a time loop. it seems personal for mordo

when mordo finds stephen at the new york sanctum, his voice literally breaks as he says, "you're okay," because he'd just seen master daniel drumm's body in the foyer and feared kaecilius killed stephen too

their argument over the ancient one and her betrayal? *chef's kiss*

and later, when karl sees evidence that what stephen was saying earlier in their argument, he immediately acknowledges that stephen's right. none of his bitterness is directed at stephen for being right about the ancient one's betrayal

when karl despairs that they've lost the fight, stephen willingly admits that he cannot save the world without his help and together they immediately leap into action

that broken look on karl's face when stephen leaves for the dark dimension, so much so, kaecilius even quips, "even strange has left you now."

that broken look on stephen's face when karl leaves the order. he wants to stop him, you can see it on his face, but he doesn't. instead he lets karl leave with two very powerful relics because at least that way he'd be protected when stephen can't protect him

another criminally deleted scene is where stephen asks wong if they've heard from mordo yet and wong tells him to give karl some time and that he'll return when he's ready

they really put like a decade worth of slow burn development into a single film and this ship is still considered a rare pair. i wonder why 🤔🤔🤔🤔

anyway stan mcu baron mordo and chiwetel ejiofor for taking a bland white comic book villain and turning him into a fantastically complex, nuanced antihero who'll be back in doctor strange in the multiverse of madness to reunite with his silly, rule breaking, bad joke making bf

#stephen strange #karl mordo #baron mordo #strordo #my posts

[metaphorewhore25]

Beach Rats (2017) & Why We Need More Movies Like It

There is a general underlying paradigm in society that “men do the looking and women are to be looked at” and Beach Rats (2017) is a movie that challenges that from its very first shot. The movie opens with an 18-something teenager taking mirror selfies in a dirty basement mirror. The camera pans over his very masculine features – his biceps, armpit hair, nipples, and the rest of his torso.

I was sold to the movie right there. Hardly do I see movies with such a focus on the male form. I have watched Eliza Hittman’s ‘It Felt Like Love’ (2013) which does the same thing from a teenage girl’s point of view but Beach Rats simply does it more and does it better.

I know that Beach Rats is a gay movie and hence the camera captures the perspective of a boy, not a girl, and hence may not exactly be called ‘The Female Gaze’ but it is written and directed by a cishet woman and frankly, I believe even that is a start when it comes to subverting the male gaze, flipping the camera and putting men at the centre, making them subjects of visual pleasure.

What Beach Rats does extremely well is this: It makes the audience uncomfortable.

And that is precisely why I loved it. In mainstream movies when the lead actresses are introduced by butt-to-lips-to-head shots, it doesn’t really make us uncomfortable anymore because it has become the norm. We’ve just accepted girls being captured in this way. We may even accept young, underage girls portrayed in a sexualized manner but focusing on men’s butts and forearms is sure to make us rethink what we are seeing on screen. Long idle shots of Frankie, the protagonist and his friends shirtless by the beach playing handball or just swimming, their chiselled dude-bro bodies taking up the majority of the screen is something we are quite unused to.

Even the scenes where Frankie is in his room and browsing a gay cam site on the internet makes us feel uncomfortable because we are simply more exposed to women doing these things like posing and pouting. It was quite fresh to see the white man become the one being looked at. It almost felt like revenge to me, like “You see this is how it feels to be constantly scrutinized or unnecessarily sexualized!”

I feel that we need to get more comfortable with the idea of male bodies presented on screen just as we are with female bodies.

However, I am aware that “Revenge” is not what women in the industry are going for, or should go for. Unlike the Male Gaze, the Female Gaze is much trickier to define. Simply objectifying men back will not do. We don’t want to revert the power structure, but rather deconstruct it.

Alina Gufran from The Swaddle says “While the act of objectifying a man through the eyes of a woman remains revolutionary, it ultimately lends itself to a very “male” idea of what the female gaze should be.” When women are handed over the cameras and the pens and the main roles, the product is often not just an objectification of men but rather a humane and emotional portrayal of both men and women as people.

Although, I would personally say that after years of having seen myself and the media around me through men’s perspectives, it is fun sometimes to objectify men and get back at the system.

I believe Beach Rats takes that extra step, by not only sexualizing men like some feminist revenge fantasy but also showing the audience vulnerability, emotions and honest intimacy. The camera zooms in on Frankie’s face a lot. He is often dreamy, confused or just melancholic. In the course of the movie his father, suffering from cancer passes away, he witnesses his younger sister getting intimate with a boy her age and his friends, although given hardly any dialogues are a key influence in his life as he often forced to fit in with them and arrange drugs for them which he steals from his father’s medicine cabinet. His friends are toxic and not at all empathetic as he often proclaims “These are not my friends” as a joke with an element of truth. All this while he is navigating personal conflict regarding his sexuality and suppressing his true self with his friends and family because he cannot fathom how they would understand.

During daylight hours, Frankie has to keep up appearances by maintaining a girlfriend but during the nighttime, he often goes on a website for gay men in Brooklyn and meets up with older men for one-night stands that are often fulfilling, but often also leave him confused.

The film is definitely voyeuristic but it also has its non-sexual intimate moments. There’s a scene where Frankie has to go masturbate before joining his girlfriend in bed because he can’t maintain erections in her presence. In moments like this, we can see his vulnerability as he tries to laugh it off or gets frustrated at his body quite often telling him something else.

My favourite scene I would say is when he decides for the first time to meet up with an older, more experienced man from the website and the camera shoots him preparing for the rendezvous in a very vulnerable and intimate way. Frankie is shown lifting weights to perhaps tone his muscles, trimming his pubic hair with a scissor and taking a shower and giving himself a thorough wash. I believe shots like this, give the character a very human feel and helps the audience relate to his insecurities and struggles that lie behind the muscular façade.

Admittedly, Frankie’s friends are only two-dimensional characters and used as props for plot development and often fall into the cliché dude-bro stereotypes. They are perhaps used only to flex their shapely bodies and contribute to Frankie’s inner conflict. They are not people, they are just cishet men in the movie. They are the ones we may call purely “objectified”.

The sexual politics are at one point even explicitly stated in the film’s dialogue when Frankie asks Simone (his girlfriend) if two men making out is hot. Simone says that two girls making out is no big deal and is obviously hot but two men making out is just gay. Reading into the subtext, the word “gay” here is used in the derogatory sense.

Of course, neither should be seen as “hot”. Homosexuality is supposed to exist in its own place, having an identity of its own and shouldn’t be co-opted by and for heterosexuals for their pleasure or entertainment.

But, due to the infiltration of the male gaze in popular media and a society that entitles men and suppresses female voices; women bear the burden of being unfairly sexualized. This same patriarchy socializes young boys and girls to view themselves a certain way, boys are taught not to be emotional and affectionate and are thus also disadvantaged by the patriarchy. I’m talking about things like “boys don’t cry” or “two guys don’t hold hands”.  The movie shows the reflections of these through Frankie’s toxic masculine friends and sometimes even Simone.

Frankie feels like he’d never be accepted into the mainstream of society because of the same sexual politics that exist in the world and that Hittman is trying to deconstruct. It is perhaps due to the fact that Frankie cannot come out that the film is shot mostly in the dark and in dingy places.

Beach Rats is a fine example of a movie that shows us a strong, conspicuous alternative to the male gaze. It does one thing very well and it is depicting male bodies in a casual, real, vulnerable, sexy and overt way and we need more of that. We need more male body presence on the screen because we as a culture of people are so oblivious to it. It’s always “Ass or Tits?”, “Pear-shaped or Hourglass-shaped” and “Skinny or Thick” and all these labels that apply only to women’s bodies to an extent where we perhaps don’t even feel like male bodies are something to be gazed at in the first place.

“Men look for looks and women look for personality”. How often have you heard this? I am not trying to defy the evolutionary explanations which may explain things to some extent. But we as this highly intelligent species cannot be completely bound by merely evolutionary instincts. While The Female Gaze does incorporate emotions and intimacy, I liked how Beach Rats balanced out the emotional and the purely carnal.  I am not saying we need more male bodies on screen in simply a sexual way. I want to see male bodies even in very mundane non-sexual ways just because I feel it needs to be normalized. Normalize focusing on the man’s body too in heterosexual romance films perhaps. Beach Rats was quite a refreshing watch despite its dark colour pallet because I was quite frankly amused to see what happens when the camera is reversed and allowed to linger on manly features. Perhaps through this, we may reach the ultimate goal of both men and women moving fluidly between the subject and object of mutual desire.

Posted originally on: https://rishikapandit.com/2021/06/08/beach-rats-why-we-need-more-movies-like-it/ 

#pride #happy pride 🌈 #lgbtq community #lgbtq media #lgbtq relationships #lgbt memes #beach rats #eliza hittman #queer movie #movie review #male gaze #female gaze #gay #lgbtq movies #pride movie #filmmaking #film #gay post #bildungsroman #coming of age #feminisim #patriarchy #womenempowerment #harris dickinson #male body

[drkoestersmithrpg]

Have To Go To Bed - it gets MUCH steamier from here...

Then there was John’s new information from (the books.)  After many lengthy conversations with Robin, his recently-acquired and very-well-taught familiar, Lavern Post did not actually one familiar.  According to John’s studies, and according to Robin, she had four.  The very idea made Peter feel exhausted.  John hadn’t actually come out and said that he intended to acquire all four, but he was hinting very strongly at it.  Peter head swam at the concept.  [description of how the newly acquired Robin had to feed at Peter’s witchesmark for three days before he was strong enough to feed from John, description of the four of them in Peter’s bedroom (damn he was glad they had enough money to pay for ben and may’s retirement living in style.)  Peter leaned into Tony’s arms.  Robin, looking very much like an earnest, pale brown-eyed boy, about 17ish, with a strange English accent and shy, halting voice, feeding at Peter’s mark (with Tony’s permission, Peter would never have dreamed of doing it without Tony there) The familiar (Tony insisted it be called a ‘little spirit’) seemed terrified of Tony, but was convinced to feed from Peter’s witchesmark as long as the Apostle Luke stayed close.  Peter actually had fond memories of that night.  Peter would always think of John as “terminally straight,” but he was also a damn good-looking guy, and Peter enjoyed watching him treat Robin so tenderly.  They were all snuggled together on the bed – Peter leaning into Tony’s strong form, Robin feeding from his mark, sandwiched in between him and John.  Tony kept a firm hand on Robin’s chest.  In the early days, familiars were able to speak very little, and Tony served as an interpreter.  Every few minutes he would turn Robin’s head away from Peter and the familiar would feed by sucking John’s fingers.  When Robin fed from Peter, John stroked his hair gently.  Peter found himself doing the same, only to find Tony pulling his hand away.  But Tony didn’t mind at all when Peter reached out to touch John’s hair, nor when John touched him.  

It was sweet, but each night turned into a bit of an ordeal, waiting for John to carry Robin in his arms out of the room into the privacy of the room down the hall.  Then he could allow Tony to take care of the problem that feeding from the mark always caused, no matter how much Peter wished otherwise.

The acquiring of Robin had been an educational and eye-opening experience, and left Peter with two pieces of information.  One, that he was very ready for Matty to acquire his familiar.  John as a friend, and their friendly touching was sweet and peaceful (and peaceful was the key word, especially as the feeding went on into the night and Peter’s head began swimming and he began losing track of whose hands were where.)

But Matty and Peter?   They had a special kind of friendship, the kind that sometimes involved both of them and Tony at the same time.  And that made him look forward to the acquiring of Matty’s familiar.  

And Two, that after Matty, he was going to have to get Tony to create another witchesmark.  One that wasn’t connected directly to his groin. Something different from the one Tony fed from.  Farther away from his heart.  Maybe on his left foot, for instance.

John, naturally, wanted a witches mark of his own, and while that was an excellent idea, that was just one more thing on Peter’s absolutely endless todo list, which was what was making Peter exhausted.  He was currently laying on the couch, watching something ridiculously heterosexual and porny on HBO, but he was simply too exhausted, emotionally and physically, to do anything about it.  He couldn’t’ even find the moral fortitude to get up when he heard Sarah come back into the kitchen, where she was now engaging an exasperated John, trying to cram in a few more minutes of studying his medical text books, in yet another conversation about how she was in the right and Missy was in the wrong.  

The only think that did get him up off the couch?  The knowledge that Anton would be visited his bedroom, probably in a few hours, looking for him.  Peter might not be awake when that happened, unfortunately.  The day had taken its toll.  

But that, by itself, wasn’t terrible.  Peter had a very fond memory of something Tony had told him, directly after they had become lovers.  Really lovers, not just lovers in dreams.

It had been their very first night together, in fact.  The house had been completely empty, May and Ben visiting the DeSlaughters for a meal (suggested by Tony in a dream) and leaving Peter behind.  After it was over, Tony had startled Peter by asking if Peter wanted him to leave.

Peter pulled him close in alarm, and was gratified to feel Tony’s arms around him, holding him, it seemed, in relief.

“Is that what they asked you… after they were… after they were done with you?  You were supposed to just leave?” Peter whispered, wide-eyed. He was still trying to wrap his brain around the enormity of it all, what they had done, and what it had meant. The idea of being alone, now, was just terrible.

“Sometimes I would be sent out to check on the animals,” Tony was saying gently, but Peter felt like Tony was just trying to excuse the behaviors of his previous masters.  

At least Peter knew that, hundreds of years from now, Tony would also speak well of him.

“I’d rather stay with you,” Tony was saying now, gently placing kisses on Peter’s forehead, where the sweat was cooling.

“Because you like to feed while I sleep.”

“No, because I like to watch.”

With that knowledge Peter trudged to bed.  He would wake up in He was too tired for a shower, too tired to do more than take of his shirt and shoes.  He would wake up in the arms of Anton, who would help him undress the rest of the way. Sleeping in Anton’s arms was certainly not the worst thing in the world.  Anton could feed while Peter slept, and then watch him sleep to his heart’s content.

“But who I need is Oberon,” Peter realized, even as he collapsed onto the bed.  He barely had the energy to get his head to the pillow. “Oberon would explain it all, would make it all make sense.”  He couldn’t call Oberon of course, Oberon had a full docket tonight, just as he had every night.  (explanation of how many politicians Oberon visited every night and why.)  But someday Oberon would be free, and then Peter would ask him for advice.  Of the four kings, that was king that was supposed to contain all of Tony’s dreamweaving skills, and as a side effect was a profound understander of human beings. “Oberon will tell me what to do,” Peter mumbled, sinking into the bed.  “Oberon will tell me how I’m supposed to keep going.”

 Peter’s eyes were too heavy to keep open, and yet sleep eluded him.  He sighed in frustration… and woke himself up.  Dear god, he hoped it wasn’t going to be that kind of night, but he feared it would.  Dream after dream about being awake, dreams that didn’t feel like rest at all. Mostly of arguments or bad news about even more best-laid plans falling into pieces like [description of mice and men poem].  He was settling into yet another dream-argument with someone, someone he didn’t even recognize, when he felt gentle lips pressing against his forehead.

He opened his eyes and smiled in wonder.

“Oh… oh why are you here? Oh I thought you’d be too busy… oh you came…” he whispered between kisses.

Oberon lay beside him on the bed, gently kissing him on the mouth and gently stroking his face. Sometimes he would pull back enough to trace Peter’s lips with his fingers, and smile.

Peter loved it when Oberon smiled.  His hair and beard where shot with grey, far more than Peter had ever seen on Tony. He was still devastatingly handsome, especially when he smiled.  Peter reached out and lovingly stroked the crinkle’s on the king’s face when he smiled, the crinkles at his eyes and at the corners of his mouth.  When Tony looked this way, it meant he was very sick or else very tired.  But this was Oberon’s guise at all times.

Oberon’s guise also involved a body that only existed from the waist up, which is why Peter reached down to haul a blanket up from the foot of the bed, covering the king up to his chest.  Then he lay back down.  He had to grin… it was just like when he was sixteen, kissing Tony with a blanket inbetween them.  But he didn’t care.  He stroked Oberon’s face, kissed his mouth, and smiled.

“But I’m keeping you from your work, you have so much work to do…” Peter whispered.

“My dreams were brief tonight,” Oberon whispered back (but Oberon never spoke over a whisper.)  “Brief dreams are very effective.

“Oh… is that true my king??” Peter teased with a smile.  “I thought the most effective dreams were epics…

“Oh,” Peter said, suddenly pulling away.  “Epic dreams are your favorite, and you gave that up for me?  To be here?”

“You needed me,” Oberon murmured, pulling Peter close.  For quite a while they lay that way, kissing and talking.  Sometimes Peter called him “Oberon,” and sometimes “my king.”  And sometimes he called him “Tony.”

“You can help me sleep tonight,” he said finally.  “I’ll need your help.  You can give me pleasant dreams.  I need good dreams.”

“There is something else you need, my master…” Oberon began.  Peter opened his eyes to find out what it was… he put a lot of stock in Oberon’s advice…

…then his eyes went wide as he felt Anton’s weight behind him on the bed.  

He tried to turn to great the other king, but was even more surprised when Anton put a firm hand in his belt loop… dammit he had been so tired he hadn’t even taken off his jeans… and yanked him into position.  Before  he knew it, he had Anton’s sizeable erection pressing against his ass while Oberon kissed him on the mouth.  Even worse, they were moving together, Anton’s trusting against him as Oberon’s tongue moved in and out of his mouth.  Peter’s eyes couldn’t open any wider… Oberon’s kisses were always so sweet and gentle. Not since that first night that the four kings were created had he been so overtly sexual.

“Is this what I need?” Peter gasped, pulling his mouth away for air.  He loved the king’s wicked smile.  “Oh, well, if you say so.  Who am I to argue?”

#wip