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#there's also one called Sleeping in Seattle girl you are killing me
coquelicoq · 2 years
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i love my teenage/early 20s self but i wish she had picked more descriptive titles for her mix cds. i'm supplying the music for a roadtrip with my mom and i need to know what kind of songs to expect on mixes with such titles as "The third of July", "Sleepless.", "driving around money", and three that are just called "Seattle WA No. 1, 2, 3". the only ones i can venture a guess on are called "Modes of Transportation Parts One and Two"...pretty sure those are just songs about trains, planes, automobiles, etc. annoyingly, teenage me did not annotate any of these with notes like "mom would probably hate this" or "wow! this would be awkward to listen to with someone in my immediate family!"
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mctwcsty · 3 years
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What Do I Do?
@sxtanshepherd​​ paged Meredith Grey
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Hello?
Hi, is he in the lab?
What?
I know this is Derek Shepherd’s phone, who is this? Who is this? Who is this.
Hello.
     SIX MONTHS. Six months had passed already since Derek had left for D.C. to run the brain mapping project for the President. Six months of running their life and home alone in Seattle. Of taking the kids to school every other morning, picking them up every other night, the rest of them thankfully handled by Lynn, the nanny Meredith had found to help her out with them. Because her husband was off to Washington to take his career to the next level while she had stayed put in Seattle with their kids, which was her choice and she had taken responsibility for it. She still ran her department, alongside Bailey, and she was still working on her research. She was doing it all. She was exhausted, running on little sleep and a lot of caffeine, but she was doing it.
     She was doing it all until a small detail added in, a change of scenery she had not seen coming. A unplanned turn of events that made doing it all by herself a little less possible: she was pregnant. And the best part was, she had just found out. Right in the middle of a surgery, a feeling that had taken her breath away, a pressure in her lower back and a movement. Thing was, she recognized it because she had felt it before. What she did not understand was how was it possible. And then she had the resident close and rushed out, straight to OB, all the while calculating when her last period was, the days and the weeks adding up leaving her running her way up to OB and throwing herself in the nearest room with a monitor, self-examining herself until the OB came in and shut the door, offering to help. 24 weeks. She had not been showing, she still was not. Her stomach was flat, the way the baby was located left her bumpless, even though she had been pregnant before. Those cases happened, it was not out of the ordinary, and the baby was healthy. She was 24 weeks pregnant and practically a single-mother of two, soon three children, her husband was across the states and they barely managed to talk here and there because of their irregular schedules and they were going to have another baby.
     She had sat by the phone that night, after putting the kids down to bed, staring at her phone screen, unable to pick it up. She could feel it now, she could feel the baby moving inside of her. It was moving, it had a heartbeat, it had arms and legs and fingers and toes, ears, eyes, a mouth and a nose, hell it even had hair at that point and she was freaking out. And Derek was not there. She was all alone. She knew she had to pick up that phone and call him, but she could not bring herself to do it. She did not want to tell him they were going to have another baby over the phone? And yet she had to. She forced herself and picked up that phone, tapped on his contact and rang his cell. She leaned back in the couch and waited, hearing the ringtone incessantly ringing, her stomach in knots, just hoping he would pick up. They rarely caught each other, he often called while she was in surgery and she often called when he was in the lab and away from his phone. But the ringing stopped, he picked up. Or at least someone did.
“Hello?”   “Hi, is he in the lab?”   “What?”   “I know this is Derek Shepherd’s phone, who is this?” “Who is this? Who is this.” “Hello.”
Well if you keep answering his phone, at least you could have the decency  to tell me who the hell you are. Where the hell is my husband?
     EIGHT MONTHS. 34 weeks, to be more precise. At least from her calculations since their last sexual encounter, which was about their last actual general encounter - the day before he had left for D.C. - he had never returned to Seattle since, and the measurements of the foetus from her last ultrasound, she measured at about 34 weeks. Exactly ten weeks since that phone call. Not a day went by that she did not think or analyze that phone call, especially because the rare times Derek and her managed to reach other on the phone, he never said anything about it, about any woman answering his phone. She had not told anyone about it, not even Alex. Because saying it out loud made it real, and the truth was, she could not bare for it to be. The idea that she had become the woman who wonders if that woman on the phone was the woman who had been screwing her husband, she could not be that woman. She could not have gone from the woman screwing the married guy, to the woman whose husband is screwing another woman. Not after everything, not after spending literally the past eight months handling everything alone and keeping the boat afloat, and growing that husband’s child in her belly.
     She was sitting in the attending’s lounge, the empty lounge with the big couch where she had come to rest her feet as they were killing her. It had been about four weeks now since she had started showing, and she had been telling everyone that Derek knew, but the truth was, he had no idea. He did not know she was pregnant yet. Over two months and she had not told him. Because the rare times where they had managed to actually get a hold of each other on the phone, she had let the kids speak to him because they missed him terribly, and then he was either rushing back to the lab or was off to some meeting with the President. He did not even know she was pregnant, because he was halfway across their world, busy making his career count while she was back home, keeping it all together, alone. And he was not even seeing it. 
     But Zola had almost spilled it once over a call, thankfully she had caught it in time and spared an awkward way for Derek to find out, and selfishly she did not want him to know until she felt it was the right moment to have the conversation... the whole conversation. She knew she had to tell him. And so she had decided to do it. After all, she was only a few weeks away from her due date. It sure had flew by way quicker than any pregnancy usually would, especially with everything she had going on, but also because she had only just found out and half the pregnancy was done, it would certainly be a shock for him, but she knew he loved their kids and she was convinced he would be excited, deep down. It would be a shock, but he would be excited. At least she convinced herself of that as she picked up the phone and called him on his cell, then brought the phone to her ear, repeating herself those words again and again and again as the tone rang a while. She was sure she would fall on his voicemail and was about to hang up, but the line picked up. 
“Hello?”
     That voice again. It literally sent chills up her spine because she knew. That was not some secretary, or some random woman finding a lost phone and picking it up. This was not a coincidence or an accident. It had been two months, and she still answered his phone. And all Meredith could think about was the fact that she never answered her husband’s phone, at least not until they were actually married and it had happened on rare occasions. She felt the blood in her veins turning to ice and like something was wrapping tightly around her body, suffocating her. She managed to swallow through her tightened throat and speak up. “Well if you keep answering his phone, at least you could have the decency to tell me who the hell you are.” She snapped, pausing a moment before adding, “Where the hell is my husband?”
     The woman hung up. Again. Meredith’s hand fell on the couch and she stared straight ahead, her heart dropping in her chest. It felt like her whole world had just collapsed around her. Shattering, into billions of pieces. Ten weeks of tossing so many questions around her mind, but every time shutting them out because no, Derek would not do that. The he loves me and he loves our family and we’ve been through too much for this to happen - she had told herself it all. But the woman answered his phone again, and hung up, again. 
     The next day, she had called Alex and within ten minutes he ended up at her front door. She told him Derek did not know about the pregnancy, told him about that previous phone call, and then the one from the previous night. Convinced him not to hunt Derek down for her in a trip to D.C. or to give him hell in any type of way. She tried to ring Derek’s phone again throughout the day, every time winding up on his voicemail, until she stopped calling. Maggie and Callie both tried to convince her that he could not be cheating, while at the same time understanding the way she felt. Callie offered to go find him in D.C. but Meredith turned the offer down. She did not want any of them to contact him. She had made the decision to stop contacting him, that he would have to contact her, and she made all of them swear to not try to call him, to respect her request and to above all not tell him about the pregnancy. 
     And within the next 24 hours, what Meredith thought were simply Braxton Hicks turned out to be pre-term labor. Thankfully she had been in the hospital when it started and Alex had forced her to get checked out, and her water had broke on the OB table. Everything else from that point forward went extremely fast, she was dilated at three and within two hours was fully dilated and ready to push, so grateful that she would not need C-section because that had been hell the first time, and the last thing she needed on top of everything was a post-partum C-section recovery. The baby was born within the next ten minutes, a little girl, and Meredith ordered Alex to go with her to the NICU and to not leave her side, as well as ordered everybody not to call Derek, or she would kill them. Literally. 
     The baby stayed a week in the NICU, but was thankfully perfectly healthy and Alex had kept her in a few extra days just to be sure, also hoping that Meredith might change her mind in the mean time and give Derek a call. But she was strong-headed and when she made a decision, she made it firmly. The worst part was, Derek had not even called once since that day. Not once. Meredith was done. She was done trying to keep their family together, done doing everything to make him still be the good guy when he did not have the decency to at least show her enough respect to call her back. She was done. She was exhausted, heartbroken, she felt like dying literally, but she was done. She would not be her mother, this would not destroy her.
     And so when she made it home, Alex having insisted on taking her home himself, Amelia and Maggie waiting for her with Zola and Bailey and a Welcome Home! banner that the kids had made, just stepping into the house had paralyzed her. It was a house, but it was no longer home. She did not feel home anymore in that house. She was suffocating. Being around the house that Derek had built them for their family, it was suffocating. 
     Ever since coming home, actually ever since that first phone call, there was only one person she could not get out of her mind. And for those ten weeks she had desperately tried to toss away, as all the questions and interrogations spinning around in her mind. But that night, after that phone call, she could not get her out of her head. And standing in that house, it was all she could think about. And so while Amelia was off to the bathroom, Maggie putting Zola and Bailey down for the night, Alex had ran out to get them dinner, Meredith stole Amelia’s phone that she had left on the low table in the living room and entered her password that she secretly knew, and she searched for a specific contact, and a specific address. 
     Came night time, Meredith had ordered everyone to leave her be for the night, said she needed her space and to figure things out alone. Alex had promised to be at her door at 7 sharp for breakfast and to take the kids to school and daycare, Maggie promising to come by to help out with the baby and Amelia offering to help if Meredith needed it. The minute they were all gone and she found herself alone at the house, she went to her room while the baby napped in the bassinet, pulled out a bag and filled it with some of her clothes, then she quietly went into Zola’s room and grabbed some of her clothes, then some of Bailey’s, grabbed diapers and bottles from the kitchen counter. Thankfully the diaper bag was freshly packed so she had everything she needed for the baby in there. She packed all their stuff within twenty minutes, and as she found herself standing in the middle of the living room, seeing all the packed up bags, she felt like she could breathe a little better. She nodded to herself and pulled what was left of energy in her, called a cab and then went to wake the kids. She left them in their PJs and just threw a coat over them, put their shoes on, got the baby in the carseat and got them all outside. She stopped at the door and turned around to take one last look at the house, feeling completely numb as she shut all the lights, then turned back around and headed out of the house, closing the door behind her and locking it. She then slid the key out of her keyset and left it under the mat on the front porch, and turned around just in time for the cab to pull in the drive way.
     Meredith got to the airport and bought three tickets for herself and the two oldest kids, and within the next hour they were off on a plane to Los Angeles. Sitting in that plane alone with her two oldest kids and a newborn in her arms was not quite what Meredith had expected her life to turn into, but it was. “Are you traveling alone with all of them?” Some old woman had asked on the plane, to which Meredith had forced a smile and nodded in response. Planes. She hated planes. She would panic the whole flight through. But with a newborn and two kids, there was no way she would sit them in a car for a 18+ hour drive, or a 35+ hour train ride even less so. And she just had to go, she had to do it. She summoned whatever force might be up there to make sure they all got to destination safely and finally breathed again when they landed in LA. She was lucky she had good kids, they had done amazing the whole flight through, had slept it right through, even the baby who had only fed once shortly before landing, which meant she would be good for a while and it was perfect timing. They all got off the plane and Meredith got the help of a man that worked at the airport, helping her getting her things together and even escorted her to a cab. She gave him a good tip and insisted when he refused, thanking him before hopping in the cab and giving them the address. 
     As they pulled in front of the address she had taken from Amelia’s phone, Meredith felt her heart beating so fast in her chest. She paid the cab driver and got all the kids out of the cab, then picked up their stuff. The man was kind enough to help bring the bags up the stairs to the door for her, and she offered him an extra tip that he refused, then watched as he drove away before turning to face the door. Bailey half-asleep in her arms, Zola tiredly leaning against her, her arms wrapped around her legs, the carseat at her feet, next to their bags. Swallowing thickly, Meredith leaned forward and knocked on the door. It was the middle of the night, half past 1AM, surely she would wake her up, but she had nowhere else to go. And so she stood there and waited until the door opened, feeling her heart dropping in her chest with relief when it did and her eyes locked with Addison.
     “He did it again,” she breathed out exhaustedly, her shoulders sinking, the last bit of strength she had going into holding Bailey in her arms and keeping him from falling - or was it him that kept her from falling. “I’m you,” she shrugged. “He’s found another me.” She gulped thickly. “We weren’t supposed to run or walk out on each other, we were supposed to love each other even when we hated each other and to take care of each other when we were old and senile, it was supposed to be forever. It was the post-it. We were supposed to be it but we’re not, I’m not.” She shrugged helplessly. “We were supposed to do this together and he left me to do it all alone, and I don’t know what to do. But you know what to do, so I need you to tell me.” She paused, staring at Addison as she breathed out so desperately, “What do I do?”
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Love and Medicine ~ 13
MASTERLIST
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< previous chapter
Word Count: 3,160ish
Summary: You try to handle what happened with Steve, while Natasha tries to handle her pregnancy.
Warning: serious pregnancy complications
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A few days later, you were anxious and needed to get energy out. You dragged Natasha to the park for a run. She was huffing and puffing as you basically ran circles around her.
“You’re stupid,” Natasha panted, trying to keep up. “You're stupid, evil, sadist and I wanna kill you.”
“Endorphins are good. Endorphins are mood elevators,” you replied. “This is supposed to make us feel better.”
Natasha stopped and threw herself on the ground. “Do you feel better?”
“I’m stupid.” You jogged around her.
“Slutty mistress.”
“Pregnant whore.”
“Sleeping with our bosses was a great idea.”
You stopped and sat yourself beside Nat. “You know what’s ruined for me?”
“What?”
“Ferry boats. I used to love ferry boats and Steve's got a thing for ferry boats. Now every time I see a frigging ferry boat—“
“You know what's ruined for me? Coronary artery by-pass grafts ... and aortic aneurysms. I used to love aortic aneurysms.”
You laid next to Natasha with a sigh. “Have you cried yet?”
“What do you think?”
“Do you think we’ll feel better if we cry? You know like just let it out?”
“Probably. Yeah…. Do you wanna cry now?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
~~~
Steve entered the hospital elevator, finding himself alone. Which was relieving. Unfortunately, at the last second, Fury entered wearing a beanie.
“Nice hat,” Steve commented.
“Shut up,” Fury responded.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m going back to work.”
“You’re not cleared for surgery.”
“Leave me alone. I’ve been sitting at home watching Ellen giving away things on TV. Ellen, Steve! You clear me now or I’ll hurt you.”
“If you want me to clear you so soon, maybe you should've thought about that before you gave chief to Stark and invited Satan to Seattle.”
“Satan?”
“Good morning,” Peggy greeted, entering the elevator. “I like the hat, Nick.”
“Satan speaks,” Steve murmured.
“Actually I prefer to be called ruler of all that is evil. But I will answer to Satan.”
“What is she still doing here?”
“I asked her to stay,” Fury answered. “We have a pediatric surgery attending on maternity leave.”
“Actually, I could use you on a consult,” Peggy told Steve. “Will you meet me up there Steve?”
“Ah yeah. Fine,” he responded. Peggy left the elevator. “I’m not clearing you for surgery.”
~~~
Dr. Gamora and her group of interns were all gathered in a patient’s room for rounds. Dr. Banner was also in attendance.
“Mr. Jackson is scheduled for resection non-small cell carcinoma today,” Natasha stated. “He did well overnight, has remained afebrile. He's had a dose of ceftriaxone this morning. He's pre-op labs are unremarkable. His chest x-rays, um, are unchanged from the previous.”
“I own a couple dry-cleaning stores,” Mr. Jackson explained. “Never believed what they said about inhaling the chemicals.”
“We’re going to do everything we can for you, Mr. Jackson,” Banner promised. He turned to Natasha. “Did oncology see him yet?”
“Uh, they’re waiting for the surgical path,” Natasha replied.
“Thank you, Dr. Romanoff.”
“Next patient,” Dr. Gamora said. The group of interns followed Gamora.
“You need to tell Banner,” you whispered to Natasha.
“No,” Natasha responded.
“I just think you should still tell him about the baby because he'd at least have the responsibility of having to pay.”
“No! You know what? He’ll never know. It’s over. Once this pregnancy is taken care of, Banner won’t even be a blip on my radar. He’ll be a smudge.”
“Right,” you scoffed.
You all entered the next patient room to see a young woman.
“Alexa Rickie,” Peter began, “she’s 23 years old. In for a scheduled ETS for treatment of her erythrophobia hyperpyrexia.”
“Erythrophobia?” Val whispered to Clint.
“Blushing,” he answered.
“You have any questions about the procedure?” Gamora asked Alexa.
“Oh. Dr. Ro….” Alexa began, but paused as she started blushing badly. Trying to get it to go away, she fanned her face. “Dr. Rogers explained everything. He was very… huh… helpful. He gave me some…. sorry…”
“Don’t be,” Peter said. “Half the patients that come through here have the hots for Rogers.”
“Dr. Quill,” Gamora scolded.
“What? It’s true.”
You simply rolled your eyes. It’s not like Peter was wrong. It was just so annoying because it was true, all the patients did swoon over Steve. Gamora ordered all of you to exit the room. You followed her and stood in front of her when she stopped.
“Okay, assignments,” Dr. Gamora said, looking at some papers. “Val, the Rogers’ need an intern up in the NICU.”
“The Rogers’?” Val repeated. “Like, the both of them? Together? And me by myself with the two married people who hate each other?”
“Go.” Val sighed and walked off. “Natasha you’re on the thoracotomy.”
“With Banner?” Natasha wondered. “Oh, can I have the hateful married couple instead?”
“Okay, I’m sorry, I thought that I was your resident and not your hostess. I assign, you take. Is there a problem with that?”
“No.”
“Is there some reason why it's inconvenient for you to spend the day in the OR, learning from Dr. Banner?”
“No. I'm very happy to be working with Dr. Banner. Thank you very much.” Natasha rushed off.
“Clint and Scott, the pit.” They nodded and left. “Peter, Alexa Rickie is your patient.”
“Yes,” he said quietly before leaving.
“Y/N, you will be doing scut.”
“Excuse me?”
“I can tell you’re still distracted from the Rogers’ drama, and you need to find some focus.”
“I’m plenty focused.”
“Prove that to me today.”
~~~
Val stood by Peggy in the NICU as Steve went over a baby’s chart.
“Where’s the mother?” Steve asked.
“Gone,” Peggy answered. “She stuck around long enough to get the kid strung out and then took off. Sound familiar?”
“Peggy!”
“Steve, I know it’s a long shot. I know that.”
“You told me you had a newborn with an invasive mash. You fail to mention that she's premature, underweight and addicted to narcotics. There's no way that this baby is going to survive spinal surgery.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Even if she does, she's a mess. She'll just get meningitis seizures. She's going to live a short painful life.”
“You don’t know that.”
“It’s my job to know that.”
“You’re not God, Steve.”
“Excuse me?”
“I'm sorry honey but you're not. You don't get to decide—“
“Wait, did you just call me honey? Don’t call me honey!”
Val tried to focus on the baby as the conversation grew more uncomfortable.
“Fine,” Peggy conceded. “You’re not God, Dr. Rogers. Look if a patient has any chance at survival, which I think she does, then you have a responsibility—“
“Don’t talk to me about responsibility,” Steve retorted.
“You took an oath Steve!”
“Oh, don’t you dare talk to me about oaths!”
“Steve, I messed up. People mess up.”
“You slept with my best friend in my favorite sheets.”
“The flannel sheets? You hate the flannel sheets.”
“No, I love the sheets.”
“You like the Italian sheets with the paisleys—“
“Would you just stop talking about the sheets?”
“Fine!”
“Look I’m sorry. I’m just gonna go,” Val interrupted. “I’ll go check on the labs.” She couldn’t leave the room fast enough.
“Peggy, don’t do this,” Steve said.
“Steve… look she’s a fighter,” Peggy watched the baby girl. “Look how far she’s come already.”
“Don’t get attached. Don’t get involved. Just… don’t make her life more painful than it already is.”
“Steve, please. She has nobody. She needs someone to fight for her.”
“She’s too far gone. You have to let her go. Let her go in peace.” Steve started to head out.
“Fine Steve, walk away. It’s what you do best.”
~~~
“How are you holding up today?” Tony asked, cup of coffee in hand as he walked beside you.
“Fine,” you responded.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I heard Gamora has you on scut today.”
You scoffed. “It’s ridiculous. She’s questioning if I’m focused.”
“She’s just making sure you’re alright. It’s her way of showing she cares.”
“Stupid way. Can you just put me on one of your cases for the day? I desperately need it.”
“Fine. Come on, I have a surgery in 30 minutes. You can scrub in.”
~~~
Natasha rushed into Dr. Banner’s surgery that had already began. She wasn’t feeling well and had spent a majority of the day in the bathroom. A nurse quickly handed her a gown.
“Here, Dr. Romanoff,” the nurse said.
“You’re late,” Bruce commented, focused on the surgery.
“I apologize,” Natasha responded, merging into the group of others that were watching.
“Just starting to dissect around Mr. Jackson’s tumor… I’ve almost got visualization.”
Natasha let out a shaky breath, as her head pounded. She had no idea what was going on, but she wasn’t willing to sit out on this surgery. She was already mad at herself for being late.
~~~
Val walked into the NICU with the baby’s chart. Peggy was watching over the baby who was gripping onto her finger.
“She’s got a good grip,” Val commented.
“Yeah,” Peggy agreed.
“I don’t think…” Val sighed, handing the chart over to Peggy. “It doesn’t look good.”
“She's a got a resistant strain of pneumococcus. The antibiotics aren't working. You may want to get yourself reassigned Val. I don't think we'll be operating today.”
“So do you think Dr. Rogers was right?”
“She’s just too far gone… she does have a good grip… I hate admitting that he’s right. Especially right now.”
~~~
Natasha was getting more exhausted with each passing second, and sweaty.
“The tumor has infiltrated the pericardium,” Bruce stated. Looking up, he sees Natasha looking like she’s day dreaming. “Romanoff! Romanoff!”
“What… sorry?” Natasha answered, the world around her muffled.
“Is my surgery interrupting your daydreaming?”
“No. Sorry.”
“There is an arrhythmia when I press down on the tumor. That is a sign of what, Romanoff?”
“Umm…. Ah. It’s a sign of, it’s a… it’s a sign that the uh, tumor has infiltrated the pericardium.”
“Possibilities?”
“In all… I’m sorry. I…”
“Do your homework, Romanoff. It could be causing a tear in the aortic muscle of the heart.”
“So he’s got a broken heart,” another doctor commented.
Panting, Natasha swayed before collapsing on the floor. A few of the doctors let out exclamations of surprise. From the gallery, Gamora, Scott, and Val saw everything. They quickly headed down to the OR.
“Dr. Romanoff, are you okay?” A doctor asked, kneeling beside her.
“Natasha,” Bruce called. “Natasha. Somebody help her!” He stopped surgery, but hadn’t moved from his spot. “Natasha! Don’t just stand there, dammit. Somebody help her. Get a gurney in here!”
Gamora, Val, and Scott rushed in with a gunnery and supplies.
“Natasha,” Bruce called again.
“Natasha,” Val repeated, getting down beside her friend.
“We’ve got it Dr. Banner,” Gamora said. “We’ve got it.” She put a breathing mask on Natasha’s face.
“Okay, talk to me. Tell me what we do we know,” Bruce ordered. “What do we know? Talk to me Valkyrie.”
“I don’t know,” Val responded.
“Come on people let’s move.”
“Natasha!” Gamora called. “What hurts?” Nat didn’t respond, but was conscious. “Let’s get her out of here. There’s a patient on the table. Lift.” They lifted Natasha onto the gurney and started moving her from the OR. “Good, good.”
“Dr. Gamora, when you get her stabilized, I need a report please.”
“Right, Dr. Banner!” They quickly move Natasha out and down the hall. “Uh! Her pulse is racing. I need her on a monitor to get a BP. Also I want her started on a liter of LR wide open. Val run ahead to emergency and let them know we're on our way.”
Val noticed that Natasha was trying to talk. She removed her friends mask. “What?” Val questioned.
“Seven weeks,” Natasha said, breathless. “I’m pregnant, Val. I’m pregnant.”
Val, Scott, and Gamora stopped and looked out each other. They moved the gurney into an elevator.
“Okay, no. We’re going to pre-op instead,” Gamora instructed. “Val, find Peggy Rogers. And be discreet.”
Val nodded and hurried off. She found Peggy with Fury and Clint near one of the nurses stations.
“Excuse me, Dr. Rogers. We need you fast,” Val said. “Um.. it’s Natasha, one of our interns. She’s…. she’s collapsed.”
“Natasha’s collapsed?” Clint repeated.
“Why do you need me?” Peggy asked.
Val sighed, not saying anything. Comprehension dawned on both Peggy and Fury, realizing that she must be pregnant. Clint looked at them, getting it too.”
“Natasha’s pregnant?!” Clint exclaimed.
“Shut up Clint,” Val scolded, before turning to Peggy. “Please come.”
“Of course,” Peggy agreed, following Val.
~~~
“Thank you for that, Tony,” you said, scrubbing out of surgery beside the attending. “I really needed it.”
“Of course,” he responded.
“Y/N,” Clint said, bursting into the scrub room.
“Clint?” You questioned. You studied him, realizing that there was something wrong. “What is it?”
“It’s Natasha.”
~~~
In pre-op, Peggy was performing an ultrasound on Natasha. Dr. Gamora was standing behind Nat’s bed, stroking her hair.
“Have you notified the father?” Peggy asked.
Natasha didn’t answer, simply breathing funny.
“Natasha? Natasha?” Gamora called. “Natasha? Is there anyone we can call?” Natasha just continued to gasp slightly. “Oh we’re losing her.”
“Do you see that?” Peggy asked, pointing at the screen displaying Natasha’s uterus. “It’s an extra uterine pregnancy in the tube there. She’s bleeding out. We need to get her to surgery immediately.”
They rushed Natasha to surgery and immediately got started. Gamora was still behind Natasha, watching over her, asVal observed the surgery.
“She’s gonna be okay, right?” Val worried.
“How attached was she to this pregnancy?” Peggy asked.
“I don’t know. She’s a pretty private person.”
“She's lost a lot of blood but I've got it from here. Dr. Gamora you must have a surgery or two of your own today.”
“I’m fine right here,” Gamora responded, keeping her eyes on Natasha.
~~~
You were rushing through the hall, trying to find out any information on Natasha and her condition. You were so incredibly worried about her, which didn’t help your already bubbling emotions. Rounding a corner, you rammed right into a chest. Hands grabbed your arms to steady you. You looked up to see Steve, looking down at you with concern. Just looking into his eyes, made you want to break down in his arms. Which was so extremely frustrating. You pushed back out of his grasp, causing Steve to hold up his arms in defense.
“Don’t!” You said sharply.
“Sorry,” Steve said.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m so tired of it, Of you being sorry.”
“Dr.—“
“Don’t do it!”
“Dr. L/N—“ He glanced around as you began causing a scene.
“Dr. L/N, seriously? Are you concerned about people finding out about us? Is that what matters to you?”
“Y/N, it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay! You have a wife who’s not easy to hate. Who’s annoyingly kind and painfully smart and I pretty sure that she’s current saving my best friend’s life.”
“Y/N, just—“
“Don’t! Stop talking to me like you’re my boyfriend! Stop talking to me at all.”
You rushed away, finding the OR that Natasha was being operated in. You opened the door. But before you could get fully into the room, Gamora saw you and came up to you.
“Need something?” Gamora questioned.
“I’m coming in,” you stated.
“No, you’re not.”
“I am. I’m her friend.”
“Exactly. She's lying on the operating table, naked, exposed. She's sedated but she's probably scared out of her mind. Now right now she's not a doctor. She's not your friend. She's a patient and she deserves to have all the privacy I can give her. You're not going any further.”
“We went jogging this morning,” you sighed. “I made her go jogging. Did I… is there a way that it could of….”
“No.” Gamora shook her head. “It started out this way. Nothing caused it to happen.”
“Just, please, let me stay by her side.”
“You can try. But I’d have to take you down.”
“Right now. Just in this moment. I hate you.”
“Yeah, well, I can take it. Focus on scut and wait outside.”
~~~
You found yourself working on scut in the lobby, trying to keep your mind off your friend in surgery. Steve stood far off, watching you. He couldn’t stop feeling terrible for what he had done to you, and he couldn’t stop loving you. Knowing that you wouldn’t want to be comforted by him, he found himself in the NICU, checking up on the premie baby Peggy had asked him to help on.
“Look at that, BP is stabilizing,” Peggy noted as she entered the NICU.
“She’s stronger since this morning,” Steve said, rocking slightly in the rocking chair next to the baby. “There’s no reason in the world why she should be stronger since this morning.”
“She’s really beautiful, isn’t she?”
“I’ll tell you what. If she makes it through the night, if she has a little bit more strength, I’ll operate.” They gave each other small smiles.
“You know the way I see it we could deal with us in one of three ways. Option 1. I could apologize. You could forgive me and come home and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or, option 2. I could apologize. You could forgive me, come home but, you can still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue.”
“Are you trying to be funny?”
“Satan has a sense of humor.”
“What’s the third?”
“I don’t know what the third option is.” She leaned in and kissed Steve, who kissed back. Slowly, she pulled away. “I just know that I still love you.”
~~~
Waking up, Natasha glanced around the hospital room. Her eyes stopped roaming when she noticed Gamora sitting in a chair beside her.
“What happened?” Natasha asked.
“You had an extra uterine pregnancy. Your left fallopian tube burst,” Gamora explained. “Dr. Rogers… she did everything she could but there was too much damage. She couldn't save the tube.”
Natasha didn’t respond, she simply looked away and closed her eyes.
~~~
You were sitting outside the medical center on a bench. It had been an emotional day and you were finally allowing yourself to cry. Walking out of the hospital to leave, Steve noticed you. But hadn’t noticed that you were crying yet.
“Y/N?” Steve called softly.
“Oh,” you gasped, trying to wipe the tears quickly.
“Y/N.” Steve came around to the side.
“Don’t…” You swallowed. “Please, please just don’t’ say anything.”
“Okay.”
He stood there, watching you try to pull yourself together before you quickly got up. You walked over, stopping in front of him.
“I’m just exhausted,” you sighed. “Missing my parents is exhausting. What happened to Natasha and you is… hating you is the most exhausting.” Without much thinking, you grabbed his face and briefly kissed Steve. “I don’t want to do it anymore.”
You headed back into the hospital, leaving Steve stunned.
next chapter >
Sorry that it has taken so long for this chapter to come out! Hopefully it’s not too terrible. Please forgive me.
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dissonantdreamer · 3 years
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kinda nsfw (i think?) but its been on my mind lately. if seth's crusty old ass didnt interrupted ellie and dina's moment that night, do you think there's a chance they "do" it after leaving the party?
I've mentions bits of this before but I think there are some clues in canon that imply that with no uncertainty Dina had planned on going home with Ellie and continuing what happened at the dance. I think without Seth they would have had time to talk about feelings and not overthink what had happened (possibly Dina giving that speech she was cut out from the final edit of the game where she told Ellie just how in love she was but it wasn’t the right time Shannon please release your audition)
I think they both were feeling insecure because while the kiss happened, they didn’t get to confirm feelings because they are both useless you kissed each other and you both fucking smiled like the sun rose after a long dark of course you fucking like each other...  They would have snuck out and gone somewhere and let the night dictate where that conversation went whether that meant there was intense making out or going as far to learn each others bodies entirely up to you. Personally I think it was the latter.
And if anyone cares enough beyond that I’m going to put the canon clues that make me think Dina had plans under a cut because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t:
The first things that tips me of is the way Jesse behaves both at the dance and the morning after. At the dance Jesse makes it a point to point out Dina dancing after talking about Joel starts to annoy her. It is awkward as fuck but it really feels like he is wing-manning Dina here. When Ellie suggests Dina will get back together with him in two weeks he gets a little stoic for a sec before nodding towards Dina asking if she said something to Ellie. The look on his face when Dina turns and the pitch of Dina’s voice really leans more towards Dina and Jesse had already talked about how she felt for Ellie and Dina absolutely panicking because if he said something she’d kill him. Which would explain why she’s a bit standoffish with him. We see later when he makes it to Seattle that she does still care about him so  I think in this moment, there was a genuine worry Jesse’s penchant to be a little shit made her nervous something had been said before she could say it. Jesse knows she’s gonna make a move, that he and Dina are done because Ellie is single and he and Dina work better as friends anyway.
The next morning Jesse despite turning in early knows that they kissed. He plays up the whole “my girl” thing which sends Ellie into a panic because she probably thought he already knew because it’s Dina. When he sees she’s panicking he gently tells her he’s fucking with her. His body language says so much in the scene, like he’s annoyed he doesn’t get to tease her about not sleeping cause she was getting laid.
While I’m sure word travels fast in Jackson, the details he brings up on their jog to town, the details that he checks in with Ellie  over are details that wouldn’t stand out around the fire barrel (mostly that Joel was the one that stepped up) but absolutely would if you talked to someone who not only knows what Joel means to Ellie but cares about Ellie and is just as equally worried about fucking up the friendship.
Also the way he pairs Dina and Ellie together seems planned, like he was going to do it anyway if Maria hadn’t asked it. Jesse is the one who comforts Ellie’s worries about him in Dina, calls Dina her girlfriend because he’s gonna give Ellie shit even if it’s not official yet. He’s gotta get a jump start on that while he can he’s got so much material.
Based on how it took Ellie long enough to get back that Joel was playing guitar and had enough time to make and start drinking coffee. So she either had an awkward conversation with Dina about wanting to talk to Joel, or she walked around for a bit.  Joel even seems surprised beyond the fact that she is approaching him, like he didn’t even expect her to come home that night.
Based on all that I think it’s safe to say that yeah Dina was gonna get her girl and if things played out the right way she was get her girl naked.
anyways
cheers, anon
may your day be filled with gay little thoughts about these two if seth hadn’t opened his shit encrusted mouth.
thanks for the ask :)
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leonicscorpio · 3 years
Text
How to care for your Jaybird: part 2: A series of domestic Headcanons about one Jason Peter Todd.
Hey y'all. Since everyone liked the first one so much (and I'm still experimenting with my writing) I decided I'd do a bullet-point take on some of my Headcanons for normal, domestic Jason Todd. Enjoy!
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Jason is a stomach sleeper if he's fully comfortable and in a deep sleep. A lot of official art has him as a back sleeper but literally every fan art has him as a stomach sleeper.
Jason has a very strong stomach and can tolerate even the greasiest of foods. Having been on the streets eating out of dumpsters is something he's had to. However when he does get a stomach bug occasionally he's crippled for at least a week. Barely being able to walk.
Jason has Misophonia. He HATES the sounds of chewing and slurping. It just drives him crazy and makes his skin crawl. Damian discovered this and egged Jason on any way he could. Dick had to hold Jason back from throwing Damian out a window.
Everyone knows Jason likes to read but he'll read just about anything and everything. Any time he travels somewhere new he'll always thoroughly read the travel pamphlets, and if a sign has a long block of text you'll find him stopped at the sign absorbing the text.
While not religious (except in The Flashpoint timeline) Jason has read all of the major religious texts and does enjoy some of their stories, but takes them at face-value.
Jason is quite casual about sex and hookups, and while he can be alluring and flirtatious, when Jason breaks down his walls and he exposes his barest self to you, he will be like a lovesick puppy and will be as tender and dotting, but you have to break down MILES of walls.
Jason's MBTI personality is ESTP-A. While you wouldn't think of him as much an entrepreneur he leaps before he looks and he lets his emotions dominate him. He's very much a shoot first, question later if never person.
Jason likes the Harry Potter movies and you can fight me all you want. Jason is a Ravenclaw and I will die on this hill.
Jason's favorite girl scout cookies are Tagalongs. He just loves a good peanut butter cookie.
After having been homeless and going without showers for days on end. Jason needs to take at least 2 showers a day. He hates smelling bad, and while he'll go without on longer missions or hits, the first thing he does when he gets home is take a shower. A long, hot shower.
Want to find a secret way to melt his heart? Take him on a date to the animal shelter. Jason will turn from an abrasive, angry, and cynical man to a precious child if he can play with a dog.
Cooking is a side passion Jason has taken up. It's mentioned somewhere that his favorite meal is pot roast and I have so many thoughts on other things he likes to eat and cook.
EDITED: I added some more that have popped into my head. 
Jason’s go to order at Starbucks and most coffee places is a cold brew. It isn’t fussy, it’s fast, and it gets the job done. 
Jason’s birthday being August 16th makes him a Leo sun. However I just look at this character and he just oozes heavy Scorpio elements in his birth chart. Probably a Scorpio rising and Mars. (I’m a Leo sun, Scorpio Moon/Rising) 
After having abused venom for a bit (Red Hood and the Outlaws) Jason sometimes forgets that no, normal people don’t curl 80lb dumbells casually. And now everyone in the gym is staring at him... awkward.
On top of looking after the prostitutes and sex workers of Gotham, Jason also frequents a lot of LGBTQ+ bars and has quite a few connections within the gay scene. Funnily enough, Jason Todd being a 6′0 200-something pound tall, dark, handsome, mysterious man in a Gay bar garners him a LOT of attention. I headcanon that Jason is bisexual and quite enjoys the same as well as the fairer sex. 
After giving a Drag Queen a particularly large tip, Jason was dragged on stage to lip-sync with the drag queen. Jason, being a Leo Sun (bless our whore hearts...) proceeded to take his shirt off and out-perform the drag queen, and I mean hitting EVERY beat, mouthing every song perfectly, and he threw a split in at the end. house. down. boots. The crowd lost their mind, the drag queen proceeded to read him to filth and heckled him off stage. Jason loved every second of it. Oh and in case you’re wondering, here’s the song Jason killed. 
If you see Jason out during the days, he often can be found at either a gym, trying a new restaurant, at secondhand book stores, or just riding around on his bike. 
Jason has a deep respect for nature, but honestly he’s quite intimidated by it. Growing up in the streets of Gotham, his first experiences in a forest he was quite intimidated. 
When he found out Damian was vegan he at first didn’t give him a second thought. However the moment Damian said he could never cook. a good vegan meal was when Jason’s passion struck. You see you can tell Jason he can do something and there’s a 60/40 percent chance he won’t or will do it. But the second you tell him he can’t do something is the moment you ignite his spite and passion. Needless to say, Damian still asks Jason to make Eggplant in Garlic Sauce and vegan mac and cheese. 
I think Seattle would be a city Jason would really feel at home. However not for the traditional reasons, Seattle is a cold, unfriendly city with breathtaking nature. I’ll bet his jaw hit the floor when his plane flew by Mount Rainer, because THAT’S A BIG FREAKING ROCK. And he freaked out when he learned that’s aN ACTIVE VOLCANO. 
Jason has EXTREME seasonal allergies. It’s not bad because Gotham doesn’t have many trees but he goes outside Gotham and he’s red eyed and sniffly. The worst part is the only allergy medicine that works for him is Benadryl so he has to chose between being miserable or perpetually half-awake. 
When he is at the Wayne his favorite activities are calling Bruce (insert expletive here), calling Dick any other expletive he didn’t use on Bruce. Bugging Tim by unplugging his computer and hiding his stuff across the manor and generally just annoying him with his presence by being the annoying older brother, tormenting Damian by taking his things and putting them in places he can’t reach. 
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gloriafc · 4 years
Text
Baby
Slight greys anatomy mention
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You're Eddie's daughter. You were the product of a teen pregnancy, the reason your parents got married. They had Christopher as an attempt to save their marriage and it worked for a little bit. When your mom left you were also graduating high school and ready to go off to college.
"Dad I don't have to go. I can take a year off. You need help with Christopher." "I can handle it mija. You go and become a doctor like you want. Make us proud okay?" And you do just that, the year you graduate med school is the same year he joins the 118. You take a trip to visit them and help them move before your internship starts, Christopher of course is very happy to see you without a screen separating you two and your dad is happy to see how much you've grown.
You start your internship in Seattle, becoming a surgeon at Seattle Grace.
When the fire station finds out about Christopher, no one finds out about you, your dad not knowing how to bring up that he has an adult daughter.
When the incident with the bomb in the or happens, your dad is worried about you resulting in him finally telling the firehouse about you. "Why didn't you ever say anything?" "I don't know. I don't put pictures up, there was never any reason. But now." "Now she's been injured."
They don't get the chance to meet you until the mass shooting, you've been shot twice in your side protecting others. Your dad is your emergency contact and gets the call while he's at work. He freezes as he listens to the doctor talk, "She's alive though right?" Everyone can hear the worry in his voice an immediately question him when he gets off the phone. Bobby immediately gives him time off as he and Christopher head to Seattle to visit you.
It kills Eddie to see you injured, you're his baby girl after all, but you hide your pain well around Christopher. After you get discharged you decide to head back to LA during your time off to heal and to be with your family. So you finally get to meet everyone. Of course Buck quickly becomes the protective uncle you never had, and you're happy to see that your dad has a friend like him.
Halfway through your visit is when your mom comes back, and you don't really know how to feel. You've always bumped heads with her, but it got worse when she'd fight with your dad, even worse when she decided to leave and never made it to any of your graduations. And now you're an adult who watched you're dad build up everything she tore down. She didn't know that you were staying with your dad and tried to hide her reaction when she saw you sitting on the couch with Christopher playing a game of cards.
You tried to keep things civil but you can only do so much on your part. You kept your responses short or hardly spoke unless spoken too, until one night you both finally snapped. There was nothing Eddie could do, he loved you both, but he knew this was something you both needed to work out. "Admit it mom. If you knew I was here you never would've come back, not yet at least." "Y/N-" "No! I bet you don't even know the reason why I'm here. Fuck you couldn't even show up to my graduations. You say you left for yourself but what about your kids? You said dad never made time because of work, but he did. He was there. Me and Christopher forgave him for the things he missed because he made up for it. And you were too busy being pissed that once you got the chance you dipped. You probably don't even know that I went to medical school. That I put in so much effort I graduated early. That I'm a surgeon and one of the ones at the top of my class. And you can't even be proud because I'm a mistake." No one knows how to respond so you continue, "Admit it. You never would've married dad if I wasn't born, if I wasn't a mistake."
You leave the house and as much as Eddie wants to go after you he knows you better than that, better than your mom. He stands in the kitchen doorway as your mom sits at the table with her head in her hands, "She's always been difficult." He can only look at her, "No she hasn't. She's hurt and she has every right to be. She's right she was a mistake, but I wouldn't have it any other way. But what about you? She's here because she was shot twice in a mass shooting protecting others from the shooter, but you didn't know that. You didn't know your daughters a hero. You probably didn't know that she was injured by a bomb either. But I did because I was the first person she called, because I am her father. I made up everything I missed for them because of how much I love them, they both understand that I made a sacrifice to keep us financially stable. They learned love comes with sacrifices from me. You had your reasons to leave and I know that but she's right, you had no reason to leave your kids behind, you could've sent them post cards or something. I had the decency to write letters while I was on yours. I'm so proud of her, of the things she's done. She tried to take a year off of school to help me with Christopher because I had no idea what I was doing, but I figured it out. She lives in Seattle but she still finds time to call and text so Christopher doesn't think he's the reason shes gone. She's sacrificed just as much as everyone else, so if you still think she's a mistake, then what did you think our marriage was? Why did you come back thinking she wouldn't be apart of things like she's not your daughter as well?"
Athena's the one to see you walking the street at night, recognizing you from one of the pictures Christopher showed her. "You're Eddie's daughter right?" "Uh yeah, Y/N." She sits with you, "Athena, Bobby's wife. Why are you out here so late?" You don't know why but you vent to her, "My uh. My mom came back. And we got into a fight." You explain everything to her and she offers her couch to sleep on seeing that you don't want to go home just yet.
In the morning Bobby is the one to drop you off, your dad opening the door when he hears the car in his driveway. You walk passed everyone not wanting to say anything, but your dad follows you to Christopher's room where all your stuff is. "Where'd you go?" "I met Athena she let me sleep on her couch. I already ate, Bobby made breakfast." "Mija-" "Dad I just want to take a shower. I'll probably catch a bus and head somewhere. I'll be back before dinner." He can only sigh as he looks at the floor as you rummage through your bags, "She might be staying." "That's your marriage dad, not mine. You work out what you need to work out. I'm going back to work in a couple days anyways. I'll have to deal with a therapist there. Everything will be fine." He moves and pulls you into his arms sighing as you wrap your arms around his waist and press your face into his chest like you did when you were little, "When did you grow up?" "When I got boobs." You both laugh before he kisses your head and tells you he's heading to work leaving you in a quiet house with your mom in the kitchen.
You quickly shower and head out before your mom can even say anything to you, getting back just as your dad arrives. You end up leaving a note for your dad and leaving in the middle of the night with all your stuff, catching a cab to the airport and catching a early flight back to Seattle. Of course Eddie is upset but he understands that you and your mom will just continue to bump heads and if you think it's what's best for yourself, who is he to argue, you're an adult.
Of course you text and video call all the time, sometimes catching him when he's at the fire station and he's just happy to see you're happy and healthy.
When the plane crash happens he finds it weird that he hasn't talked to you in a few days but brushes things off thinking you're just busy. The day you call, he's at the firehouse with Christopher for a family dinner, he happily answers the phone. "Hey baby! We're having dinner, do you want to talk to Christopher?" His smile quickly faulters when he hears your shaky voice, "Daddy." He quickly walks off after checking that your brother was with Buck, "What happened?" "There. There was an accident. We had a case. We. We had to fly to Idaho. The uh. The plane. The engines were faulty and the plane crashed. My. My right side was, uh. They have to do surgery to repair my right side from my ribs to my knee."
Eddie can feel tears threaten to fall just listening to how scared you are but you continue talking, "They did enough to fix everything but they're sending me to LA for the rest of the cosmetic surgeries and physical therapy while they work out everything with HR. I'm already at the airport with some medical staff, were getting on the plane." Your dad runs a hand down his face as he tries to stay calm, "Uh okay. Call me when you get here. I'll meet you at the airport in a few hours."
Your mom is the one to find your dad outside, "What's going on? Christopher's waiting for you to play the game with him and Buck." "I'm uh I'm going to the airport. Tell him to start the game and I'll play tomorrow." "What happened?" "Y/N was in a plane crash they're flying her here." "I'll go with you." "No. Just stay with Christopher. We don't. We don't need a recap of what happened last time. Not while she's like this. And I need to be alone. Before I see her, with her injuries."
Your dad waits for hours at the airport, the staff tell him where the airplane will land and offer to take him out when the plane lands so he can stay with you. You're out cold when he gets to you, "She started freaking out before the plane took off, which was understandable we sedated her to keep her under for the plane ride, she should be waking up soon."
Your dad sits by your side as you sleep. He counts and recounts all the IVs connected to you, quickly standing when he hears Christopher, "Dad what happened to Y/N?" He looks at your mom and the rest of the firehouse behind them, "What are you guys doing here?" Buck answers, "You left without saying bye. We figured you needed some support, that she needed some support after we heard what happened. She's family too." While everyone is distracted Christopher makes his way to the spot your dad was sitting in and grabs your hand. You're laying on your left side due to your injuries and Christopher can only wonder what happened to you. After a few minutes you open your eyes squeezing the small boys hand in yours, "You're awake Y/N/N." "Hi Christopher."
At the sound of your voice your dad is immediately at your side, "How are you feeling?" Your sarcastic side comes out, letting your dad know you're okay for now, "Like I fell out of a plane."
Of course everyone quickly learns how bad doctors are as patients, "The stitches are wrong." "They should've done this, it's faster." Buck easily jokes with you, "The doctors are probably ready to discharge you and your whining already." "They wouldn't be if they knew how to do their jobs right."
After you get discharged your dad takes you home. Everyone can see you're out of it, so someone is always with you, even your mom, but the conversations stay short but trying for your dad and brother. One day Athena offers to take you out to lunch. "How've you been feeling?" "I don't know." "Your dad's worried about you. Everyone is. You're putting on a brave face." You blink away tears, something that doesn't go unnoticed by Athena, "What's wrong?" You look around thankful you got a corner table and it was a slow day for the restaurant. You take a deep breath before looking at Athena, "I haven't told my dad yet, but a few days before the accident I found out I was pregnant. I'm not anymore... Obviously."
Athena sits with you, talking about the news that is no longer news for anyone, "Are you going to tell your dad?" "I don't know. I think. I think I'm still trying to process everything. The baby. A miscarriage. The crash. The fact that I was only a few seats away from getting crushed to death." Athena nods, "Do you know what's happening with everyone else that was on the plane?" "Uh yeah. The hospital is taking fault for using that airline service with known cases of faulty engines, were basically sueing the hospital for damages up to 15 million each. It'd shut down the hospital, but we all plan on purchasing it." "So you're going to own a hospital." "Part of it along with the others that were on the plane. So I'm not actually pocketing anything right now, but over time."
After a few more days you tell your dad about the miscarriage as you both sit on the porch, "Did you tell the dad?" "No. Uh we were never in a relationship. At least I don't think we were. It only happened once and we were both pretty drunk."
After another month you go back to work to finish off your residency. You apply for fellowships, but know which one you're going to accept. You never tell your dad, opting on surprising him randomly. You show up at the firehouse, your dad running over as soon as Hen points you out, "What are you doing here?" You smile, "I decided which fellowship I'm taking." It takes a second for it to click in his head, "The one here?" You don't get the chance to respond before your dad's picking you up in a bear hug. "Wait until Christopher finds out."
You jump into working, even though you live in your own house now your dad and brother are both excited to have you close again. After a few years, and after your mom's death, things fall into a normalcy. You get invited to any family dinners Bobby and Athena throw and you always find time to spend with your dad and brother.
You manage to become chief of trauma, you still have your board seat in Seattle and occasionally fly out sometimes taking Christopher and your dad for a getaway.
The first time anyone in the firehouse actually sees you in your natural habitat is when they have to bring in a druggie with a gsw. Athena is also there since the patient is the one who had the gun. Buck was grazed by a bullet so the firehouse was still in the ER while he got patched up, as Athena asks you about the patient. "I wouldn't try questioning him yet. He's still whining like a baby." "Can't you give him something for that?" "If I give him morphine I'd have to pump his stomach. And considering he knows the exact name of the morphine I'd have to use. I'm deciding against that. It's one bullet that was at the surface and has been removed. He can suck it up, I'm not gonna be the one to aide in his addiction."
All the beds are in the open with curtains as dividers so everyone can hear the man complaining and pulling against his restraints. The firehouse can hear everything go down when you declare he's ready to leave. "You gotta give me something for the pain." You simply look at him before shaking your head, "I really don't." "You bitch." You push the man back down on the bed making him since since his wound is on his shoulder, "You're the bitch in this situation. The pain you're feeling is from withdrawal from all the drugs in your system you idiot. You want something for the pain fine but that comes with your stomach getting pumped. Do you really want that considering you're over here bitching about a small bullet wound?" The man looks at you before seething, "You don't know the pain I'm in!" "Try me. Your bullet was at the surface and has been removed, the area was numbed with cream so you didn't even feel it. I've been shot twice in a mass shooting both bullets imbedded in muscle. I survived a bomb incident, a plane crash, and a miscarriage while stranded during that plane crash. So tell me I've never felt worse." When the man doesn't say anything you look at Athena, "Get him out of here."
Your dad looks at the spot you were standing, he's never heard the things you've been through ever leave your mouth like that. Bobby sets his hand on his shoulder, "She's tough Eddie. She's fine."
When a natural disaster occurs the hospital sends out surgeons to aid first responders for the people who wouldn't make it to the hospital otherwise, you're one of the few that get sent out due to your trauma certification being more than qualified. The firehouse is lightweight surprised to see you in the field working the tent. "You got sent out?" "You do realize I worked in a trauma one center right? My first year we had a ferry crash." Everyone is amazed with how fast and calmly you work, half of the patients you get wouldn't of survived even getting on an ambulance otherwise.
There is one patient who's stuck under a piece of cement inside a building but is in critical condition. Unfortunately you're the only one small enough to fit through the gap to get to him. "No! She's not going in there!" You can only look at your dad, "We have no choice. We can save him." Reluctantly your dad lets you go knowing you'd go anyways and he doesn't technically have a say in what you can and can't do. They give you your dad's jacket and helmet as a precaution before you slowly slip through the hole. You yell out when you reach the patient allowing the firehouse to continue trying to get the guy out.
You manage to move the patient under a stable piece of metal before suddenly yelling out making everyone stop, "What's going on?" "It's starting to collapse!" Before anyone can respond the building shifts closing the hole they were making. You dad starts freaking out, "We have to get her out of there!" "And we will. Eddie calm down or sit out."
When they finally get to where you and the patient are they can see the patient is stabilized and sort of groggy but they find your body a few feet away. Due to you having your dad's protective gear he wasn't allowed to enter the building but Buck is at your side checking on you, "I got a pulse! She has a leg stuck under some concrete. She probably knocked out after she got stuck." Bobby nods, "Let's get them out of here!"
Your dad watches as Chimney and Hen bring out the man, "Where's Y/N?" Chimney sets the man up on a gurney as Hen talks to your dad, "She moved the man out of the way. She has a pulse but her leg was caught under some concrete." Just as she finishes Buck and Bobby leave the building with you in Bucks arms. Eddie is instantly taking you into his arms as he slowly sets you down on the ground, "Baby wake up." You let out a groan before slowly opening your eyes, "Why are you so loud?" Everyone chuckles, even your dad, at your ability to bounce back so fast even with a broken leg.
Everyone helps you out while your leg heals, Christopher decided to spend the night with you one night and before your dad left he sat with you on the porch. He looks at the cast that everyone has signed and Christopher has drawn multiple pictures on before throwing his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his chest, "When did you grow up?" "The day you told me go to college to make you proud. Did I?" "You did... You're still not dating until you're 45." You can't help but laugh and shake your head as you both watch the street lights come on and the stars come out. "Aren't you the one that had a kid at 16? The irony." "You're my baby I can be as ironic as I want."
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jobrookekarev · 3 years
Note
23 & 29
23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of loosing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?
In the beginning, Jo worries that she is not good enough. She mainly worries that things between her and Alex will fizzle out or they'll break up and she'll be left without a place to stay. She really loves Alex, more than she's ever loved anyone else. For the first time in her life, she has a good healthy relationship and she doesn't want to lose him. Sometimes when they fight she'll tiptoe around him or try and stop the fight by giving in to him. After he realizes what she's doing he’ll make sure to communicate with her. He tells her that just because they fight doesn't mean that he doesn't love her or that they're going to break up. After a few months, Jo becomes more secure in a relationship. Soon they're able to even playfully fight knowing full well that at the end of the day they’ll fall asleep in each other's arms knowing that they love each other.
Like Alex can't even sleep on the couch for the whole night when they fight. If she banishes him to the couch or if he gets mad and goes there himself, they’ll tossed and turned for about 20 minutes. Then Jo will ask him if he wants to come back to bed with her and he'll jump up and crawl back into bed with her. Yet, as he cuddles up to her she'll remind him that their fight isn't over. Still they fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms and by morning they aren't fighting anymore.
Alex on the other hand is definitely worried that he's going to mess it all up. All of his past relationships have been messed up or not as serious as this and his divorce with Izzie is still something that lingers in his mind. He worries that he's going to be too much for Jo and that she will get tired of him and leave. For example, he first time she get’s sick she insists on going to work and it reminds Alex of when Izzie went back to work after she recovered from her cancer. She pushed him away when he tried to care for her and he doesn't want to make that same mistake. So he doesn't hover over her and lets her go to work. Halfway through the day, Jo comes up to him and asked to be put on his service. She thought that he say yes and would cover for her and let her nap in an on-call room. However, when he refuses to, she's confused and goes back to where she was working in the ER. At the end of the day the little cold that she had is now full blown illness and she's pretty much dead on her feet. Alex come to pick her up and take her home, but he’s still distant. Once they gets home Jo changes into pajamas and comes downstairs where he’s sitting on the couch. She stands in front of him blocking his you to the TV and asks why he's been so distant today and if he's really that afraid of her germs?
Alex: “It's not that. It's just that I assumed you wanted to tough it out. I’m not your parent and I’m not going to take care of you.”
Jo: “What if I wanted you to take care of me?’
Which surprises him and he gets that dumbfounded look on his face.
Alex: “You wanted me to take care of you?”
Jo throws her hands up in frustration: “Yes!”
Alex: “Oh.”
Jo: “Look you don't have to necessarily hover over me, but I wanted you to put me on your service because I knew that you would let me take it easy. I thought that maybe you let me sneak away to an on-call room and take a nap. I wanted you to take care of me a little bit, because no one's ever done that for me before. When I was a kid none of my foster parents cared about whether I was sick or not. I thought that you might at least care enough to notice that I was having a hard time, but I guess it's silly. I’ve been taking care of myself for years and I don't need someone to take care of me.”
Then she turns to walk away and Alex immediately gets up and wraps his arms around her and he picks her up. Jo's a little surprised and asks what he's doing and he says that he's going to take care of her starting with putting her to bed. So Alex takes her upstairs and tucks her into bed, before he goes and he gets cold medicine, tea, her favorite soup, and puts a cold washcloth on her head. The next day he insist that they both stay home from work and he takes care of her.
And Alex loves taking care of her. It makes me feel needed and useful. He can do something for her while she’s sick, rather than just watching it happen like when Izzie was sick or when his mom had a menial break or when his dad drank. And Jo loves being taken care of. The next week when Alex has inevitably caught her cold, Jo takes care of him and doesn't protest no matter how much of a baby he is.
Okay I might actually write this.
29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?
I know it's fall but I have a Christmas idea, so it's Christmas 2020 they're very first Christmas with both of their girls. Although Luna is still in the hospital and Helena is only 10 days old. They both want to make their first Christmas with their daughters special. Jo's 10 days postpartum and on Christmas day she'll only be a month postpartum. Most days she barely has time to take a shower, much less plan a big Christmas or anything. What Jo wants to do for Christmas is just get fried chicken, go to the hospital with Alex and Helena and spend a couple of hours with Luna, let the girls open presents or in Helena’s case dangle and new hanging toy above her head, take a family Christmas photo, and be in bed by 9:00pm.
Alex on the other hand is trying to plan the biggest Christmas event he can. He's already got a long list of Christmas gifts for the girls and for Jo and he's planning to coordinate with Meredith for a big family Christmas dinner. On top of that he wants to completely decorate the house and put up lights. He’s also trying to support Jo and care of Helena, so he hasn’t showered since.. well since Helena come home from the hospital. He’ also doing all of the cooking, while neither of them are doing any cleaning or laundry. Lucky Meredith and Link come over twice a week to help them.
So the first weekend of December, after Meredith comes over to help Jo and the baby he goes to the store and picks out millions of lights and a couple of blow-up Christmas displays, some candy canes for the walk way, and a thing to sync the lights to music. After he spends why to much money he home. After Meredith leaves and Jo and Helena take a nap he goes outside to put up the lights. Jo of course, knows nothing about all this. She thinks that he got ONE single blow up snowman this for the lawn.
So bare in mind that the only Christmas lights that Alex has ever put up, is a string of lights across the wall on the nurse’s station at the hospital. So there he is on their roof for the first time putting up Christmas lights and of course he underestimates how hard it is. He reaches a little too far and ends up teetering off the ladder and falls.
Jo here's the crash and runs outside to see Alex in the bushes with a ladder. She absolutely freaks out thinking that her idiot husband killed himself. So she quickly helps Alex up and figures out that he's fine except that he most likely broke his arm. Then she screams at him that he could have killed himself and what was she supposed to do if he died? And that if he ever scares her like that again she would divorce him?! Then of course she wraps her arms around him and kisses him because she's so glad that he's alive. 
So they get Helena in the car seat and drive to the hospital where Alex gets a green and red cast. While Link is lecturing him, Jo and Helena go up to visit Luna to tell her about how much of an idiot her Daddy is, but how he was so excited for her first Christmas. From then on Jo insist that Alex pay professions to put up the lights each year. 
However that doesn't stop Alex from completely going overboard and planning elaborate Christmas light displays and soon their house is one of the best in the whole neighborhood and is even featured on TV as one of the best Christmas lights house displays in Seattle. And every year Luna and Helena, and later Edith and Quin, get told the tale of how their father fell off the roof as a cautionary tale to never use the ladder without supervision.
Okay I am definitely going to try and write this for Christmas.
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brywrites · 4 years
Text
Flight Risk IV
Summary: An answer to the age old CM question, “who’s flying the plane?” And the story of a pilot and a profiler. Part IV: In which airplane food is disappointing and the context of a case is heavy.
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Arthur stands waiting for her outside the jet stairs. “So you’re on speaking terms again?”
She freezes, hands still lifted in the middle of adjusting her cap. “What do you mean?”
Arthur gives half a shrug and begins climbing up into the plane. He’s not one to pry into the lives of other people, but she’s discovered he does make occasional exceptions to this rule. “Simply that you seem much happier to be around Dr. Reid today. Your scowl is gone.”
Her face flushes and she’s grateful he can’t see it as they file into the cockpit. “We talked, yes. I think we’ve reached an understanding.”
Arthur gives a noncommittal, mmmm, and gets to work adjusting Geff’s controls. She does the same, going through routine checks, only to be interrupted by a quiet, “Just be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Y/N blinks, then looks down quickly. She doesn’t ask him to elaborate; Captain Dobson isn’t one for sentimental attachments or expressions. The fact that he’s saying this at all speaks volumes. It makes her happy, to know he considers her someone close. The BAU is obviously close-knit, she’s heard them refer to themselves more than once as a “family.” But the two of them, bound by similar schedules and shared challenges, they’re something of that sort too. Perhaps that makes them distant cousins of the FBI.
The team boards the plane, they’re cleared for takeoff, and it’s all smooth flying and blue skies for a solid three hours. They’re both tired, and the thought of being able to go home and sleep in her own comfortable bed lifts her spirits – until the cockpit door slides open and Agent Rossi steps in.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” he says. “We just got word of a case in Houston. Two previous victims and now there’s a kid missing.”
A kid. Oh, god. Rossi looks genuinely apologetic, but Arthur nods.
“We’ll change course immediately.” Rossi murmurs a thank you, then slides the door closed once more, muffling the voices of the other agents, already discussing the case behind them.
Y/N follows all orders, gets in touch with the air traffic controller, telling Indianapolis Center that they’ll be changing directions and heading for Houston. Other than exchanges with ATC and instructions to shift speeds and change controls, they fly in silence. It’s a heavy quiet, weighed both by an acknowledgement that somewhere, something horrible has happened, as well as the fact that they won’t be going home tonight.
It’s harder for Arthur, he has a boyfriend to go home to, people who need him. She has less attachments, but has no desire to spend more time in a small motel once again. Still, things could be worse. It’s important work.
“I think we’ve still got lunches prepared that I could heat up,” she offers. “What do you want – the chicken or the pasta?”
“Pasta,” he replies, without missing a beat.
“You always take the pasta.”
“I’m the captain. When your epaulets have four stripes, you can claim it first.”
“I don’t know why we even bother with the chicken,” she grumbles. “We both hate airplane meat.”
“You know the rules. We can’t have the same meal.”
Y/N carefully clambers to the sliding door. “I know. But honestly, how many planes have gone down as a result of the food?”
“There have been some close calls. Japan Air, 1975, omelets. Overseas National, 1982, tapioca. British Airways, 1984, hors d’oeuvres.” She rolls her eyes, but begrudgingly goes to fetch the saran-wrapped meals. Slipping out of the cockpit, she catches bits and pieces of conversation as the team begins to work. The previous victims were a little older, most in their early and mid-twenties. All women with blonde hair.
“But Caroline Chapman is only twelve,” Morgan adds. “Though she fits the physical type.” Twelve years old. Her stomach turns, and it has nothing to do with the plane. She swallows hard and grabs the meals from the warm tray, hurrying back to the cockpit before she can hear anything else.
Their world is so different from hers. Their work is so heavy. Sometimes, in the silence of the flight, she pretends she’s a commercial pilot, bringing passengers somewhere cheerful. Maybe part of the crew on one of those Make-A-Wish flights.
The pilots eat in silence, then Arthur, sensing she needs a distraction, begins one of their infamous verbal games.
“Fortunately,” begins Arthur, thinking it over, “I’m taking a vacation in Seattle.”
“Unfortunately,” she counters, “climate change has turned Seattle to a frozen wasteland.”
“Fortunately, I’m an Iditarod champion and getting around won’t be an issue.”
“Unfortunately, the number of confused squirrels on the snow is distracting the sled dogs.”
Back and forth they continue, trying to create the most complicated situation until one of them has no counterpoint, or says something so absolutely outlandish they must concede. Sometimes their games can carry on for almost an hour; depending on which one they’re playing. This one finally ends when Arthur claims he’s saved up enough vacation time, and she rebuttals that the BAU has called in an emergency and he has to come fly the plane.
“Ah,” says Arthur, “fortunately Seattle is a frozen wasteland and no planes can take off.”
Y/N admits defeat. They sit in silence, cloud rushing past them. Then she says, “They’re only twelve.”
“I heard,” he says, starting straight ahead at the sky. She shifts in her seat, searching for the words to explain how she’s feeling. Arthur adds, “You can’t think about it too much. That’s their job.”
That’s all he has to say. A few hours later, they touch down just outside of Houston, and the agents file off to SUVs. She and Arthur prepare Geff for his overnight stay at the little airport they’ve landed at, before going off to the hotel. It’s been a long day, and they end up staying at the same one as the team. After a nap, she takes a long hot shower, and they order takeout, exhausted from the long flight.
Dinner arrives at nearly 8 pm; Arthur takes his to his room, and she makes herself comfortable in the lobby. Wet hair thrown up in a bun, a sweatshirt and leggings. That’s the nice thing about traveling. Nobody knows her. She can be anyone in a new city, only to disappear a few days later and leave only faint traces of herself. The sun has nearly disappeared outside the lobby window, when half of the team comes in, looking entirely drained. They head off in different directions, and she’s pleasantly surprised when Reid goes not to his room, but to join her on the hotel lobby couch. Y/N tries not to look too excited.
“You look tired,” she remarks. Holds out the container of pad thai and chopsticks. “Have you eaten yet?”
He politely refuses. “I have, thanks. Besides, I don’t know how to use chopsticks.”
“What? We’re going to have to fix this.” Her joking smile shrinks to one of hesitancy when she asks, “How are you doing?”
Reid shrugs, runs his hand through his long hair. It seems the more stressed he is, the messier it gets, and something makes her want to sit him down and brush her fingers through it until he looks calm.
“We’ve got enough for a partial profile, but that’s it. We still don’t have – I mean, we still can’t find the girl.”
Arthur explicitly warned her not to get involved, not to think about it. And yet, she asks, “So… what does that mean?” She knows enough to realize it’s not good.
Reid purses his lips. “The first hour is the most important. When a stranger abducts a child, it doesn’t always mean they’ll be killed. But of the children who are, almost half die within the first hour. Nearly all of them are killed within the first twenty-four, and we just passed that mark. Hotch, JJ, and Rossi are still out looking, with the CARD team. In five hours, they’ll come back and I’ll go out with Morgan and Kate.”
Kate Callahan is the newest member of their team, a short woman with dark hair and no time for anyone’s crap. She likes the way they look out for each other, making sure they have a chance to rest. But twenty-four hours, it’s such a short timespan. Gone too soon already. What does that mean for Caroline Chapman?
“Are you okay?” Reid asks, tilting his head. His voice is gentle, making it easy to admit to him what she hates to admit to herself.
“This job – it’s different for us, you know? As pilots,” she says. “You’re trained for this. It’s what you know you’ll be doing, going off to fight evil and save lives. I never thought I’d be involved with that. I mean, I like this job, don’t get me wrong. But I love flying. And lately, every time I get a call from work, my heart breaks because I know the only reason I’m going up in the air is because something terrible has happened to someone, and I just don’t know how to reconcile that. Every time I get into that plane, every time we get Geff off the ground, we’re taking you all to danger, and I only get to do what I love because someone else has suffered a tragedy.”
It’s so complicated, to have her great love for the sky tangled up in this mess she feels when the phone rings. It’s fear and it’s anxiety and it’s sorrow – grief for people she will never even meet. And flying back can be just as difficult. A case closing may mean a happy ending, but it also might mean that a victim is dead, or that an unsub – she’s picked up their lingo – is dead. Either way, there has almost always been some sort of loss. Perhaps in the form of innocence or hope or comfort. She can see it when they board before heading home. This job takes things from them. Will a day come when they have nothing left?
“I know it might sound selfish, but it’s just hard for me to understand. And you,” she adds. “I’m always so happy to see you and talk to you, but that only happens when there’s a case. I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way, not when someone’s life is on the line.”
Does it make sense to him? She hopes it does, because otherwise it’s going to sound so self-centered. Of course his job is more emotionally taxing. Of course she’d rather be a pilot than a profiler. But it hurts her heart each time she hears there’s a case. She grieves for them too. And she worries for the team, her team, their team.
He must understand though, because he places one hand over hers, just long enough for her to understand it’s meant as a comforting gesture, and not purely accidental. Reid doesn’t touch many people, she never sees him shake hands with anyone he doesn’t know. Crossing that barrier is a big deal, and that’s what leaves her all the more surprised.
“It’s okay,” he tells her. “It’s okay to feel whatever you feel – about this job, or a case. You don’t have to disconnect from things or stop being affected by them. But you also don’t have to feel guilty about liking your work. You shouldn’t – you’re a great pilot, and a really good person.”
“Thanks, Doctor.”
Reid gives her half a smile, then looks nervously down at the floor. His pulls at his fingers. “You know, maybe we could meet sometime outside of work. That way we can actually talk for a normal amount of time, and we don’t have to worry about anything else.”
“That would be really, really nice.” At that, his smile widens, and she can feel her own mouth mirroring his expression. “Maybe after all this, when we’ve both had enough sleep, we could go get coffee or something? Go to a library?”
Reid’s grin makes his eyes seem less tired, and for a moment it’s so easy to forget the circumstances. “I’d like that.”
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fan4196 · 3 years
Text
Explosion
Hey everyone, here's a new Jolex fix-it fic. Hope you like it. Enjoy!
Thanks again @angry-slytherin for beta reading!
-
It's been two months now since Alex left. Since he sent this stupid letter with signed divorce papers and said goodbye. Two months that felt like years- but also just like days. Jo tried everything to not think about him too much and to miss him too much that she eventually breaks down; so she buried herself in work. God she misses him every day. And knowing that she can't just call him or talk to him anytime she wants to, was the worse. Especially now that she really had something to call him for- something big- well still very little but soon really big- and she hates everything about this situation right now.
So like every other day she distracts herself with work. They just got a call that there have been several explosions at Pac-North and that the injured will come to Grey Sloan. So everyone is ready in the ER. Jo too, even though her head is full of thoughts and worries, she's in the ambulance bay waiting for the incoming ambulance.
"Wilson, are you ok?" Doctor Bailey asks as she walks out in the ambulance bay, putting gloves on.
"Yeah. I'm fine," Jo answers shortly, throwing a fake smile at the chief while she tries to silence her thoughts and the awful feeling in her guts that something is really wrong.
- at Pac-North -
"ANYONE STILL IN HERE? SEATTLE FIRE DEPARTMENT. HELLO?"
After several explosions almost every Station got called to Pac-North Hospital. Station 19 too and right now they're looking for still missing or stuck people. Chief Bishop devided them up in teams, so right now Warren, Gibson and Miller are searching the surgical floor for missing people. There's dust everywhere, collapsed ceilings and a lot of destruction. Those bombs did a lot of damage.
"HERE! I'M IN HERE! HELLO? HELP!" The voice is coming from the end of the hall.
"WE'RE HERE. SIR CAN YOU HEAR US?" Warren shouts once again, running towards an office at the end of the floor.
"YES! IN HERE. THE OFFICE ON THE RIGHT."
They finally get to the office. Starting to push ceiling elements and concrete aside, working their way through to the buried man.
"Thank God. Warren!" The man answeres as the firemen push a bookshelf aside and clear the view in the office.
"Alex?"
"Hi." Alex answers trying to move his head as much as he can, looking up to his former college.
"W- what?"
"Can I explain everything when I'm out here? I'm stuck here for probably two hours now, I lost a lot of blood and I can't feel my legs." Alex answers, trying to move, but the massive concrete piece on top of him makes it impossible.
"Yeah. Ok guys let's get this man out."
-
"Alright Karev, now that we got you out and we are on the way to Grey-Sloan you really have some explanation to do." Ben starts, as he sits beside Alex, who's strabbed on the gurney in the ambulance, on their way to the hospital.
"I know. But first I really need to call Jo. I'm going to lose consciousness and I really have to hear her voice." Alex says, looking at Ben as he's already getting his phone out, dialing Jo's number. It rings a few times then goes straight to voice mail.
"Try again, please. She's probably in surgery. I need to at least leave her a message if I don't make it." Alex begs Ben to dial her number again, which again goes to voice mail. 
"Princess? It's me. Jo I'm fine. I was stuck under some ceiling pieces but Warren and his guys got me out. I lost a lot of blood and I can't feel my legs but we are on our way to Grey Sloan. Jo listen, if I'm not going to make it. Please promise me to keep living. It's ok to love again. It's ok to find someone new that makes you happy. Please promise me to get happy again. I love you so much, Jo. I love you and I love our little one. I will always have you in my heart. I will watch you two from above- If I don't make it, I need you to be strong, ok? Please be the strong woman, that I love so much, but also let your feelings free. I don't want you to fall into this dark hole again. You have a little tiny human that will save you. And please don't name him after me if it's a boy, Alexander is mouthful. But if it's a girl I really like Helen as the second name maybe? After my mom, I don't know just an idea. I'm going to lose consciousness any time soon so I needed you to know that I love you and our peanut so much. I love you Jo, forever. I promise, I will fight but until then- goodbye." And with this Alex loses consciousness.
- at Grey Sloan -
"What do we have?" Bailey shouts as the doors of the ambulance open and she sees her husband jumping out of it.
"It's Alex! It's Karev, Miranda! It's bad. You have to save him. Promise to try everything to save him, ok? He and Jo are expecting a baby." Ben tells his wife as he takes her aside, letting the others roll Alex inside of the hospital.
"Hunt! You take over!" She barks orders, than looks at her husband.
"What are you talking about? I thought he's in Kansas with Izzie Stevens and his kids? What is he doing here? And how- Wilson is pregnant?" She has a hard time connecting everything her husband just told her.
"I have no idea." He shrunks. "We found him in his office at Pac-North. He also called Jo and left her a voice massage before he lost consciousness. It really sounded like they are still together- I have no idea." He shrunks his shoulders again.
"Ok- ahm. Let's find Wilson. If she's really pregnant and about to hear that he's here, someone should be with her." Bailey says walking back in the hospital.
-
"Jo! I'm taking over. I need you to go with Ben." Bailey walks into OR 2, already scrubbed, putting gloves on.
"Ahm- I'm about to close if you wait five minutes-"
"No Wilson now! Out!" Bailey barks, pointing towards the scrub room where Ben is waiting.
Jo does as the chief wants. Ripping her gloves and gown off, she walks into the scrub room and unscrubbs.
After that Ben takes her to the attendings lounge, which is empty right now, so they sit down on the couch.
"Alex is here." Ben starts trying to get to the point immediately. "We found him buried under a ceiling piece in his office at Pac-North. He lost a lot of blood and couldn't feel his legs. Before he lost consciousness he asked me to call you and he left you a voicemail-"
Ben's not finished yet, as Jo jumps up and runs to the bathroom, emptying her stomach. He immediately gets after her and helps her sit down against the wall as she's finished.
"So it's true? Are you pregnant, Jo?" She nods slightly, as she buries her head in her hands, starting to cry. Ben puts an arm around her to comforts her.
"Come on let's go to the sofa again. It's more comfortable that the bathroom floor." Ben helps her up and leads her to the couch.
Still crying, she buries her head in Ben's chest, while he just holds her and stroking her back. A few minutes later she's asleep.
-
"Jo! Jo wake up!" Ben carefully tries to wake the sleeping woman on his lap. It's been almost five hours since she fell asleep. And he just got the call from his wife that Alex is out of surgery and he could take Jo to his room.
"Jo!" He carefully shakes her, which makes her stir as she slowly wakes up.
"Alex is out of surgery. Miranda just called and said that he's asking for you."
Without another word Jo's up and out of the room. Instead of taking the elevator she takes the steps to the ICU, followed by Ben.
Running as fast as she can, she slows down in front of Alex's room, looking through the glas door.
It's really him and he's awake. He's alive. Thank God.
She opens the door and walks to his bed, immediately crushing her lips on his. Holding his head between her hands, not letting go. Not even when they break the kiss, gasping for air. Jo's hands stroke his bruised face and soft hair as she puts her forhead against his. Taking in his scent for the first time in months.
"Never do this again to me. You hear me, jerk? Never! I'm done! I'm so done with his secret relationship shit  and only calling you on burner phones. I need you here. With us, ok?" New tears stream down Jo's cheeks as she kisses Alex again, sitting down on his bed as they separate again.
"Hell yes, I'm done too." He answers, wrapping one arm around her as she lays down beside him, placing her head on his chest carefully not to hurt him. "It's my fault, Jo. Those explosions. They are my fault. I should have done like they told me and ended those research projects. But I didn't and now people are dead and I almost died too- and I can't do this to you." He says with a cracking voice, as he places his other hand on her still flat stomach.
"It's not, Alex. It's not your fault. Those research projects will help millions of people one day. And then you are a hero for not letting you be suppressed by those opponents. It was the right thing and I'm proud of you." Jo answeres, getting interrupt as Bailey, Ben and Meredith walk into the room and close the door behind them.
"As sorry as I am for interrupting this, I think we really deserve answers." Ben interrupts.
Jo sits up again, helping Alex to do so too, grapping his hand as he starts to talk.
"It started when I became chief at Pac-North. They have this research where they use embryonic stem cells, which has a lot of opponents that want it to stop. This group 'Anti-Choice' send threads; to the hospital, the doctors of the research, me. One night when we got home from work a few men waited in front of the loft. They had guns and threatened us. Thank God the cops drove by and the men left. They send death threats, as they started to threaten Jo too, I had to do something because around that time we found out that we are pregnant, so we faked our break up. I send those letters to all of you guys and Jo and I got divorced. I dissappeared and let them think that I left the city. It had to look real for them, to leave Jo and you guys in peace, because they threatened to kill everyone that is connected to me. They stopped going after me but they didn't stop going after the hospital. And well you know what they did today."
It's dead silent in the room. The three listeners just stare at the two in the hospital bed.
"What?" Meredith asks as she comes out of her stare. What the hell did her friend just tell them? "You faked everything? Leaving Jo and going to Kansas to Izzie and your kids?"
"Yeah. There are no corn kids in Kansas and I have no idea what Izzie is doing. I had to write something that was crazy enough for you guys to believe and not call me. So we came up with those letters and this whole Izzie story, which was actually my brilliant wife's idea." He sais proudly as he kisses her cheek.
"B- but you cried yourself to sleep on my couch and you slept on Link's couch for two weeks and you- what?" Mer's so confused right now.
"Well receiving death threats and being afraid that your husband and you get killed is enough for you to not want to sleep in a big empty loft alone. And a little fake cry and those crazy hormones made it pretty easy. Those few years of acting class I took in high school came in hand too." Jo shrunks, looking amused in three faces.
"So all of this was fake?" Ben asks again, still not getting what the hell just happened.
"Yes. Except from our divorce. Unfortunately that crap was real. But trust me as soon as those people are behind bars I will put a ring on this beautiful hand again." Alex promises, talking more to Jo than the rest of people in the room. "Looks like we are still pretty good in faking break ups." Alex jokes, as he mentions towards the three, that still look at them like they are crazy.
"Shut up and kiss me, jerk." Jo answers, crashing her lips onto his, ignoring the three other people in the room. She is way to happy that all of this crap is finally coming to an end and that they can go back to their normal life. And can finally get excited about the new life that will join them in a few months. Or more like two, but that's something she'll tell him when he's getting a little better.
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dilliebar · 4 years
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Scraps: A Dillie Fic
Hey guys! I’m happy to announce that I’ve finally posted the first chapter of Scraps (aka “The Farm Fic”). This one will be multi-chapter, and I’m looking at 5-10k words per ch so hopefully that’ll be worth the wait. Anyway, here you are, hope you enjoy!
Months after Joel's death, and a couple months after the confrontation in Seattle, Ellie and Dina find themselves moving out of Jackson and to the farm: a place where they hope to start their new life and family. But even though their lives were spared, not all is well. Ellie still struggles with her inner-demons and the pressures of the ghosts that haunt her, and with how her mind wanders, she's not sure how long the peace will last.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25317292/chapters/61382233
Sunday, May 9th, 2038
The dark, dingey atmosphere and cold air biting at Ellie's nose told her exactly where she was. She'd lived it only once, but had seen it a million times before in her darkest memories and worst nightmares. But this was no dream; she was convinced by every small detail of the rustic mansion- every frosted pattern on iced glass, every crack in the layer of paint, and every anguished cry from the bottom of the staircase- that this was real. He was down there, in the basement. Joel was down there, and she had to save him.
She ran down the stairs as fast as her feet could carry her. Each step seemingly took years to pass, the fear and sheer panic coursing through her veins and making her skin hurt. After what felt like a painful forever she reached the basement door, throat dry and lungs gasping for air. She wrapped her fingers around the cold door handle and turned it with her very last ounce of energy, only to be denied by the lock. She tried again and again and again, each time making the panic set deeper and deeper into her bones.
"Ellie!"
Joel's strained voice called from the other side. Dammit, she was trying. She was trying like her life depended on it, but the door wouldn't budge. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as another tormented cry of her name filled the silence between her sobs.
Suddenly the door gave way after what felt like the thousandth turn, her heart dropping at the sight in front of her. The room was empty except for Joel's still, bloodied and beaten body lying motionless on the hardwood floor. The smell of iron filled her lungs that were previously desperate for air, only to find herself begging for them to empty again. She watched as his lips parted slowly to mutter their final words.
"Ellie!"
All she felt now was a pair of hands gripping her shoulders. All she saw was red. All that her rapid heartbeat pumped through her veins was adrenaline and agony and rage. The voice that called her name didn't register. She pushed away in desperation. She had to get to Joel. Maybe she could still save him.
"Get the fuck off me!"
But her captor wouldn't budge. With sheer distress she pulled their hands off of her shoulders and went to push them away, only to be quickly met with two soft, familiar hands cupping the sides of her face.
"Ellie," the voice said, softer and calmer. It was familiar, too, yet she couldn't quite place the sweet sound. She grabbed their wrists tightly in an attempt to pull them off of her as the red began to fade from her vision, but stopped as she processed the girl sitting in front of her.
She was met with two big, concerned, dark-brown eyes; the pair that she always associated with not hate nor violence, but both gentleness and a tender touch; the warm-toned skin that felt soft underneath her fingertips; the near-black hair that smelled of life and lavender. Dina. Her presence alone made Ellie’s heart rate slow.
Confused at the sudden change of scenery, she took a look around the room. The walls were a faded eggshell white, with one window directly facing the bed, allowing the moonlight to cast a pale glow on the scene. Cardboard boxes- most sealed and unopened- were labeled and organized in stacks on the wood floor; linen; Ellie; Dina; decor and some unmarked. She looked back into the shorter girl’s eyes.
“We’re home, El,” she whispered softly, “do you remember?”
Gentle thumbs brushed the skin of Ellie’s face as her heart and breathing slowed. She didn’t quite recognize the room. Not as her room in Jackson, anyway. She looked to the window, and to her surprise, didn’t find the suburban-like view of the town outside. Instead she saw a field of long golden grass, the tops of great pines, an old, rusted fence…
“The farm,” Dina confirmed, “we moved a couple weeks ago.”
Ellie’s memory came flooding back at her girlfriend’s words.
The couple had been mulling over living in town since they left seattle. They knew they’d want to stay near family, or more so Jesse’s parents considering the baby, but how could they live in Jackson after all that had happened? How could they walk past Joel or Jesse’s old houses without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt? How could they rebuild their life there at all? They needed peace. They needed a home. They needed a new beginning.
Of course, Jesse’s parents were completely against the idea of moving away from Jackson. They had a right to be concerned, but after all, the farm was only about ten minutes or so outside of town, close enough that if there was ever an emergency they could get help as needed. Ellie had her own concerns, too, like how they would deliver the baby with only a blanket and her 7th grade health class military prep, but Dina assured her it would be fine, and Ellie believed her. As long as she was with Dina she knew everything would be alright. 
And life back in Jackson county so far had, in fact, been alright. But what wouldn’t stop picking away at Ellier were these constant nightmares. Each one made her feel as if she were living it again. As if the blood splatters across frosted glass weren’t illustrated by the depths of her mind. As if she wouldn’t wake up again, that she would die in that basement and never see Dina or Tommy or Maria again. This was the fourth one she’d had since they arrived in Jackson. Ellie thought the move would help, that the absence of reminders of Joel would help ease her anxiety, but alas, she had woken Dina up in the middle of the night for the fourth time.
Ellie let go of Dina's small wrists and leaned into the tender touch of her girlfriend; she was the only thing in the world that seemed soft anymore. The only thing that seemed solid. Her body sighed as Dina lifted her thumb to wipe away a tear that Ellie didn't even realize had welled.
"Did you have another one?"
Ellie hated when Dina had to see her this way. She hated being vulnerable. She hated how she kept interrupting Dina's well-deserved and needed rest. The mental toll her own mind was taking on her was overwhelming, but she wouldn't allow it to affect Dina if it was the last thing she did. After all the unnecessary hell she went through just to be there for Ellie, she was convinced that she shouldn't have to deal with this, too.
She nodded, "I'm okay."
Dina looked unconvinced.
"Ellie, your hands are shaking."
She shook her head and clenched her fists into the sheets.
"I said I'm fine."
Ellie kept her gaze down but she could feel her girlfriend’s eyes on her, examining. She prayed that Dina would just let it go, that she would go back to sleep and forget that this ever happened.
The smaller girl's hand found its way under Ellie's chin, tilting her head up to look into those beautiful emerald eyes.
"I'm here for you, El."
Dina closed her eyes and leaned in to place a tender kiss on auburn hair before moving back to the right side of the bed and tucking herself back under the covers.
Ellie hesitated for a moment, watching the girl settle back into the clean white sheets. She studied how they fit around the curves of her body, and how each strand of dark hair contrasted against the pillows. Sometimes, or more like all the time, Ellie wondered how someone like herself could end up with such a beautiful soul. She'd killed how many men? Taken how many lives? She had almost stopped at nothing to bring down one measly person, and despite the fact that the bitch still made her blood boil, the innocent part of Ellie couldn't find herself wanting anything more than this girl lying next to her. Not even vengeance. 
But the hardened part of herself wouldn't leave her alone. It didn't just want blood, it wanted to be the one to spill it.
Ellie took a deep breath and turned over on her side, reaching an arm around the smaller girl's waist and pulling her in to fit their bodies together. She brought her pointer finger up to her girlfriend's arm, gently tracing patterns on soft skin until she slowly felt the bad thoughts melt away one by one. She did her best not to bother the sleeping girl, and continued on to draw her finger on her neck, and then down to her shoulder, until she saw it.
The scar.
It was about two inches long, and ran along the back of Dina’s right shoulder. It had healed for the most part, but the line was still red and angry.
“Almost done.”
Ellie noticed Dina wince as the needle pierced her skin again. She was trying her best to stitch up the arrow wound as steady as possible, but with one broken arm, it was proving to be a difficult task whenever the smaller girl would flinch and she wasn’t able to hold her still. 
“How’s Tommy doing?”
Ellie looked behind her to where Tommy was resting on his backpack and one of the old leather sofas.
“Should be alright, the bullet didn’t go too deep.”
As much as it brought back bad memories, with everyone’s current condition there was no way they’d be able to leave the theater and make it back to Jackson alive. It was already going to be difficult enough with Dina being pregnant and all, but on top of that, she had also lost a lot of blood and probably had at least a minor concussion. Tommy’s right eye was shot to fuck, and he’d barely been able to walk ever since the confrontation. If that weren’t bad enough, Ellie had this broken arm to show for it, too. She wondered how they would even get back at all with the little medical supplies they had.
 Ellie leaned forward and bit off the excess string.
“All done.”
Dina sighed and relaxed her shoulders.
“Thanks babe.”
The pair had tried to pack light, so extra clothes weren’t really a priority when they left Jackson, but they were able to scrounge up some ones without blood on them from around the place. Most of the clothes- or costumes- were fancy dresses or black-tie attire, but the last guy who set up camp there left quite a bit of things behind, too. Ellie grabbed a black tee for herself and a blue hoodie for Dina, which she helped to slip over her arms amidst pained groans.
The memory of the night before still haunted her. It used to be Joel’s face that lurked in her mind, but now it was Dina’s. The arrow through her shoulder. The sound as her head banged against the floor. The knife held to her throat by a muscular arm. It only made her more hungry for blood, but she also knew that she had a responsibility to Dina, Tommy, and Jesse that she had to fulfill. 
“Ellie?”
She sighed and packed the rest of the medical supplies away as the tender voice broke through her tortured thoughts.
“Hm?”
Ellie’s muscles relaxed as Dina stood and wrapped her arms around the taller girl’s waist from behind, leaning in and resting her head in the crook of her neck. She was grateful; god, she was so grateful. But something still didn’t sit right for Ellie. They had come all this way, gone through so much hurt and for what? For the father of Dina’s unborn child to die? For Tommy to be permanently injured? Sure, they had killed some of the people associated with Joel’s death, but not the one to give the final blow. It was like starving, finally finding a meal but settling for a side. Unsatisfying and disappointing.
“I can’t go back there.”
The shaky words tugged at Ellie’s chest. They had so many great memories in Jackson. It was where they first met. Where Ellie first played a video game. Where she first watched a movie. Where she got her first tattoo. Where they first laughed and hung out together, and where they’d first kissed. They’d had a semi-normal life; one like Joel had described. One where people roamed the streets, no one was struggling to survive, and there was a sense of both community and safety. Jackson was their home, but it had also been Jesse’s, and Joel’s, and they both knew that they wouldn’t be able to escape the guilt as they saw their ghosts mingling at the bar or dancing and laughing under string lights at the winter dance. It was too much; at least for now.
Ellie turned around and pulled Dina into a loving embrace. 
“I know.”
Crisp air whispered through the towering firs, grass rustling underneath Ellie’s feet as she whisked herself into the woods. She left while Dina was still sleeping, hoping they wouldn’t have to talk about last night like she knew her girlfriend desperately wanted to. She felt bad, knowing that all Dina wanted to do was help, but they were both grieving in different ways, and right now Ellie didn’t know if she could bring herself to even think about the subject more than her mind forced her to. So she left a note, so hopefully Dina wouldn’t worry, and assured her that she’d be back for dinner, hopefully with something other than canned tomato soup to eat.
Ellie held the notch of the arrow up to the string, making sure to keep it ready in case any critters decided to show themselves. Fall was beginning to fade into winter; the air was starting to turn chilly and frost made an appearance on the grass in the early morning before melting away under the semi-warm, overcast sun. Even as the cold air bit at her nose, Ellie found herself at peace deep in the tall trees. Maybe it was the quietness of it all; how calm everything seemed to be, with nothing but the chirping of the warblers and the sway of branches filling the autumn air; maybe the openness, how any and all structure was overtaken by the brush and roots of the forest; but most of all it was the familiarity. Though her and Joel had spent so many days and nights meandering their way in and out of cities and small towns, most of their travel was spent in the wilderness, which was something she'd always admired and appreciated ever since she left the QZ. 
She solemnly dug through the memories of setting up camp after a long day of hiking, where she would gather the wood for a campfire while Joel scouted the area and set up traps. She remembered vividly each tiny detail and sidetrack he fit into his stories of his life back in Boston, and sometimes, but rarely, of his travels and life before the outbreak. She remembered back then how she had so many questions. It pained her to think that over the past few years she had distanced herself too much to ask more. Now his answers and stories were all she wanted, but instead she was left with nothing but a flat grave and her own imagination.
A rustling from the brush beside her caught her ear and pulled her from her thoughts.
Ellie crouched down in the grass to make herself less visible and nocked the arrow, keeping a keen eye in the direction of the noise. She watched for any and all movement, a tactic that had grown to be second nature to her over the years. She waited patiently until she saw it: a small rabbit peeking out from above the grass. She raised the bow and pulled back on the string, holding her breath to take aim. For a split second before she released the arrow the little creature turned its head in her direction, its black eyes meeting hers. She felt a tinge of mercy in her chest before hands began to shake and she released the arrow, missing the animal and sending it running by mere inches. She cursed under her breath before standing to retrieve her arrow and continued into the quiet depths of the woods.
“We got everything?”
Dina helped Ellie slip her backpack over her shoulders before turning to give Tommy a small nod in response. It had been a couple weeks since the confrontation with Abby. Everyone was still in a world of hurt, but the tension between the scars and the WLF was growing day by day, and supplies were becoming more and more scarce. It was only a matter of time before they were blocked off from leaving Seattle completely, and without any means of travel other than their own two feet, making it back to Jackson in one piece would be much, much harder; they had to move, now.
“Should be it, unless we want to bring sparky from the roof along with us.”
Despite the tension in the air Ellie released a small puff of laughter, earning both of them a glare from Tommy’s one good eye. Ellie knew he didn’t want to leave Seattle. She didn’t want to, either. But he couldn’t fight, she couldn’t fight, and Dina’s condition was getting worse day by day. They had already lost one of them, it would be irrational to keep running after this girl and lose another, right?
The trio made their way out of the front door, making sure to keep an eye on the nearby buildings and cover. There was no telling what, or who, was lurking in the shadows anymore. Any fight at this point was a death sentence.
“Main gate’s this way,” Tommy noted, opening the map, “though we best sneak out the east jus’ like last week.”
“Still no guards?” Ellie asked.
“Not as far as I heard over that radio.”
Ellie shrugged and nodded. The main gate would be impossible to get through with all the trouble they had to go through just to get into the QZ. She began to follow Tommy before she felt a tug on her good arm.
“El’s?”
She turned around to meet a pair of sad brown eyes, brimming with tears sparkling like polished glass. As much as they wanted to leave, they also wanted to stay. Not just for the vengeance of Joel, but for Jesse now, too. Ellie wanted it. Dina wanted it. Tommy wanted it. But it wasn’t about them now. It was about their child; someone who would carry on the legacy of that brave friend and father; it was about their family. They were a family now, no matter what, and anything outside of that would have to wait.
“What’s up?”
She watched as Dina blinked tears away from her eyes.
“Can we stop for him?”
Ellie felt her heart ache at the unevenness of her voice.
“Of course.”
They had wanted to bring Jesse’s body back to Jackson, back to his parents, back to where their child would grow up. But frankly without a horse there was no way they’d be able to, not to mention the trip would take maybe a month or two. Having to see his body like that wouldn’t be good for any of them, or for him out of respect. The least they could do was give him a proper funeral somewhere nice, somewhere he could rest, where when they buried him, he would still be the man that everyone remembered so dearly.
They buried him along the same route Ellie and Dina had taken to Seattle, off the side of the main road by the overgrown bus stop where the sunlight broke through the trees and would be easy to find if and when they came back to see him again. They marked the fresh mound by lining it with rocks, and neatly folded up his bloodied jacket, slipping it into one of the clothing bags from the theater and setting it underneath one of the bigger stones at the head of his grave. It wasn’t fancy, but Dina, having a decently vast knowledge of her religion, was able to send Jesse off the best way she knew how.
They stopped at his grave again as they passed through the area to head back to Jackson, at Dina’s request.
Ellie watched as Dina leaned down and took some of the freshly-turned dirt in her hand, squeezing it gently before letting it fall through her fingers. Her breath remained shaken as she took the rock off of the garment bag, unzipping it and bringing Jesse’s coat to her chest to feel his presence one last time. Ellie listened closely as her girlfriend began to whisper a small prayer under her breath in a language she couldn’t understand.
At first when Dina had described her religion in the synagogue, Ellie found herself intrigued. She didn’t just want to know how something as simple as a string of words to someone unknowable could help, but she desperately wanted it to. She had even tried it a couple of times; she tried it on their first night in Seattle, when she found out Dina was pregnant and she said poisonous things and she prayed for everything to be okay; she tried it after she killed Nora, when she was begging for forgiveness to anyone who would hear her; she tried it after she killed Mel, a pregnant woman, which was something she could never forget or forgive herself for but maybe a higher, more perfect being could. At first it did make her feel better to know, or at least make herself think, that there was something greater than all of this bullshit out there. But then, after seeing Dina’s bloodied face and body with a knife held up to her neck, she came to the conclusion that any “perfect being” would never allow that bullshit to happen.
But she wouldn’t tell Dina that. Not when it was the only thing she clinged to for hope.
When Ellie got home it was around mid-afternoon, and she could see smoke coming from the chimney. Despite how dark her mind was, she couldn't help but feel her heart warm at the thought of having a place to come home to, a person to come home to. It was something she'd always wanted but also thought she'd never have the chance to get, especially after they left Boston. The more she thought about it as she approached the front door the more guilty she felt.
What if I was that person to him?
A chill ran down her spine and all that warmth that previously filled her heart began to fuel her guilt. For the last year that Joel had been in her life, she had barely acknowledged that he even existed. She had been his home. For the longest time, he had been hers, as much as her angry self hated to admit it back then. All of the stupid dad jokes, his fatherly, protective demeanor, their unbreakable bond; all of that was taken away within minutes, and not a year later, here she was, attempting to start over and forget that it ever happened or that he ever existed.
I don't deserve her.
When Ellie walked in she immediately noticed her girlfriend on the couch, beautiful as ever with her little baby bump and frazzled head of hair.
"Hey," she greeted with a sweet smile.
Ellie set her backpack down by the door and leaned down to place a fragile kiss atop Dina's head.
"Sorry, I was gone a bit longer than I planned."
"You're alright, I was just taking a break from dishes," Dina paused, attempting to read her girlfriend with concerned eyes as the mood shifted, "everything alright?"
Ellie knew what she was referring to. It was the reason she'd gone out in the first place. She didn't want to talk about it then and she didn't want to talk about it now.
She shrugged it off as she untied the couple squirrels she caught from her bag.
"Everything's fine, just needed something for dinner."
Even with her half-hearted response Ellie could still feel the smaller girl's eyes on her. They were pressing, piercing, and probing every emotion she had left in her. But like she said, everything was fine. She just needed more time.
"You sure?"
Ellie shook her head to herself, her walls going up as she tried to avoid the conversation yet again.
"I'm fine."
Dina shifted on the couch.
"I know you don't want to talk about it, and that's fine, but-"
"Dina."
Her tone was calm but firm; enough to tell her girlfriend to take a step back but tender enough to let her know it wasn't personal. Frankly Ellie hated telling Dina to back off, because she knew she was lucky to have any sort of support at all, but this was the one thing she felt too guilty and pained about to ever bring up to anyone when she needed care the most.
Ellie stood up, squirrels in hand. She made her way to the kitchen before turning back to the girl on the couch.
"I'm gonna go work outside,"
Dina looked up, meeting her girlfriend's eyes just briefly before nodding in response.
Work life on the farm was pretty dull, but relaxing for the couple. Ellie had settled on doing the majority of the manual labor or most work outside, really, like making sure the sheep were well-fed and that the crops were growing as they should. Dina would always do her best to help, although with how the pregnancy had been affecting her body, most days she'd end up doing some of the household chores and preparing anything that Ellie happened to bring home when she went out hunting. The rest of the day they'd spend together, whether they were cuddled up under the stars or dancing in the living room, just as they'd always wanted to be, now and forever.
Working the garden didn’t take too long since they only really grew enough to sustain themselves, and even then the plants were just little saplings considering they’d only been there for a little over a week; for now they mainly relied on non-perishables and the little fresh vegetables they’d brought from Jackson, and the food that Ellie brought home of course. It didn’t take long for her to round up the couple of lambs Maria was willing to spare, either, and by the time she was done the sun was just setting.
And so Ellie finished up, brushed off her jeans and wiped the mud off her shoes before making her way back inside the kitchen where her beautiful, exceedingly patient girlfriend had dishes in the sink and the squirrels she’d caught on the cutting board. She felt a tinge of pain in her heart as she thought of how she’d snapped earlier. Ellie didn’t want to push her away. She knew Dina didn’t want her to push her away. They needed each other more than anything, but Ellie could barely think of Joel without breaking down, let alone talk about him.
And yet, despite everything, Dina stayed by her side.
Ellie felt her body warm as those brown irises met her own, bright and sparkling as ever. There was something different about them; something different than before that day in Seattle. It was the absence of the carefree, fun, glowing light behind her eyes. The one that put everyone at ease, yet so on-edge at the same time. Instead of being sharp and direct and sarcastic, it was soft, and concerned, and forgiving. 
She walked up behind the smaller girl and wrapped those strong arms around her waist, pulling her in and planting a kiss on that soft neck of hers.
“I love you,” Ellie said, just above a whisper.
Dina closed her eyes and leaned back into her girlfriend’s touch, allowing herself to revel in the rare softness of the hardened girl. Before Abby, Ellie had always been shy but always so warm. And in all fairness, she still was, but the grief and trauma over the past couple months had overcome her like a thick ice. No matter how much Dina tried to dig at her, she wasn’t revealing any of the water below, and it was both frustrating and disheartening to see her not just ice out the people of Jackson, but herself as well. They had always been close, ever since the day Ellie arrived in Jackson. But now Dina felt like they were a million miles apart, and she had no idea what to do about it.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” she said calmly, “but don’t leave without telling me like that.”
She felt the taller girl release a sigh against her shoulder, contemplating for a moment before speaking.
“I know, I’m sorry.”
Dina turned around in Ellie’s arms and moved her hands up to cup her girlfriend’s face with a tender touch. She studied those deep-green emerald eyes, searching for any sign of the emotional openness Dina had been looking for since they’d left Seattle. Something was there. It was an understanding; a glimmer of hope in that mossy ring; something that told her that the innocence and goodness Ellie once had was still in there somewhere, hiding underneath, but still very much there.
She leaned up on her tip-toes to plant a brief kiss on her girlfriend’s soft lips before pulling back.
“Tommy and Maria mentioned they wanted to come over for dinner,” Dina switched the topic, “kind of like a house-warming thing.”
Ellie groaned.
“Doesn’t the fireplace warm it enough?”
The shorter girl playfully rolled her eyes and pushed her girlfriend away from her. “Go wash up, you look like Todd out there.”
Ellie scoffed as she turned to head out of the kitchen.
“Alright, but you didn’t just kiss Todd so I’d like to think I’ve got something on him.”
“You wish.”
It took them nearly twice as long to get back to Jackson as it took them to get to Seattle. Ellie was fairly mobile and her arm was healing nicely, but breaks had to be much more frequent for the sake of Tommy and Dina. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d stayed up with the pregnant girl, comforting her in any way she could and helping her to keep water and food down. Tommy’s gunshot wound appeared to be healing just fine, but his leg still wasn’t managing to function as well as it used to. As much as she hated to think it, it was very well possible that the damage was permanent, but all that mattered was getting back to Jackson in one piece.
It was the fourth week, second afternoon of their trip when they finally saw the lights of Jackson appear over the grassy Wyoming hills.
Almost in-sync, the trio stopped side-by-side, looking down on the settlement which used to be their safe-haven; their serenity; their home. For Ellie, it was a curse in disguise. A seemingly perfect community where all of the troubles of the outside world would melt away suddenly became a barren wasteland that led her family- her father- to his demise. For Dina, it was the place that had raised her since the age of twelve. She had seen the horrors of the outside world, but now she had seen the pure darkness behind it. Now all she saw were four walls filled with distractions; things to keep everyone’s minds off the fact that there were people out there suffering while they wasted away in front of their televisions and danced along to music of the old days. All Tommy saw were his broken hopes and dreams. Jackson was supposed to be a second-chance; a place for people to redeem themselves and finally live a rare, peaceful life. Now he realized that the only place for redemption was outside the wall, where vengeance could be taken and revenge could be had.
Ellie felt a soft hand grip her calloused one, and she turned her head to see a teary-eyed Dina.
“I’m not ready.”
The taller girl felt her heart ache at the three words. She squeezed the small hand reassuringly.
“Me neither.”
The three of them made their way down the hill, past the old gas station, through the brush and through the golden grass. They took note of the fresh horse tracks, signaling the first friendly presence they’d seen in months. Ellie continued to squeeze Dina’s hand as they made their way past the last line of trees, and took a deep breath as the main gate came into view.
“Open the gates! They’re back!”
As they approached the wall Ellie kept her eyes down, not out of sadness but out of shame. How could she look Jesse’s parents in the eyes and tell them he was gone? All because she decided to leave; all because they hadn’t been more careful; all because Ellie couldn’t help but make one last swing at the woman who killed her father.
She had no clue, but she would have to do it sooner or later, for Dina’s sake.
The gates opened, and Dina was the first to be bombarded by warm embraces from Jesse’s mother and father. Tears rolled down red cheeks and sobs were heard among them, but all Ellie heard was a muffled ringing in her ears. She could feel their sad, grieving eyes on the side of her face, begging for an answer that told them their son wasn’t gone. Something that could give them hope. But she couldn’t. All she could muster was a pained “I’m sorry” as his mother’s cries grew louder.
The next to appear by the gate was Maria, but unlike Jesse’s parents, stayed there, waiting for Tommy to approach her. Ellie looked to him, seeing the pain ridden on his face as he went to take his first limping step forward, but she stopped him.
“Tommy,”
Ellie shook her head as he looked up to her. She thought for a moment, pondering what she would even say to him. They had left for one purpose and one purpose only: to seek vengeance, and not only had they not accomplished that, but they had even more of a reason to seek revenge now more than ever. 
Slowly she brought her eyes up to meet him.
“I’ll make her pay.”
“So how’s it been out here?” Maria asked, “Farm life been treating you two nice?”
Dina smiled as she set the portions down on the table in front of them, taking her seat down next to Ellie.
She poked at her food as Dina and Maria went back and forth about the ins-and-outs of their life so far on the farm. In all honesty there wasn’t really much to talk about. Since Jackson sent out patrols every so often there wasn’t really any issue with infected around the area, and even if there was a straggler or two they weren’t two difficult to get rid of silently.
And then they went on about Jackson, how everyone was doing, how Jesse’s parents were. And of course the conversation shifted to the inevitable topic of Dina’s pregnancy. Since they had gotten back to Jackson she had been doing much better, especially now that they had access to medicine and heat and decent amounts of food. But the further along she got the more Ellie realized that there was one thing she wouldn’t be able to do.
Ellie couldn’t help but notice how quiet Tommy was as he sat across from her, barely even sneezing at the plate of food in front of him as the tension in the air grew more and more thick. She knew he was antsy to get back out there; to go find Abby yet again, and she was, too. But she had a family now. She had a responsibility to Dina and to Jesse. She couldn’t just up-and-leave. But no matter what, she would never place the blame for that on Dina. And she’d make sure Tommy didn’t put that pressure on her, either. Certainly not in their home.
“We’ve been talking about names,” Ellie finally interjected, “any suggestions?”
Maria pondered for a moment.
“Well I’ve got a few, but just in case, I think I might save those for myself.”
Ellie waited and gave Tommy one last chance to not be a dick before deciding to include him in the conversation whether he wanted to or not.
“Tommy? Any suggestions?”
She watched as he visibly scoffed before crossing his arms over his chest and looking up to meet Ellie’s eyes. There was a tangible frustration in his eyes; like he knew that this quest for revenge was coming to an end. She held his stare, silently daring him to make a snide comment towards Dina.
“So you’re keepin’ it, huh?”
The blood boiled in Ellie’s veins as she pushed her plate aside and leaned forward on her elbows.
“Yes. Is that a problem for you?”
Dina leaned forward to place a calming hand on Ellie’s shoulder, lightly attempting to pull her back and de-escalate the situation. But as far as Ellie was concerned, no one was going to come into their house and talk to the mother of her child like that. 
Tommy stood from his chair, loudly scooting it back and practically throwing his fork down on the table.
“You want some names? I got plenty for ya.”
Ellie stood up to meet his eyes along with Maria, who already had two hands on him and was gently pushing him towards the door. He turned to her and brushed her hands away, then heading out the front door.
“I’m already goin’.”
At first the three of them stood in shock, appalled by the suggestion that he’d just made. This was their child. It was Jesse’s child at that. Even if Jesse were alive, it was completely Dina’s choice as to what she wanted to do, and she wanted to keep it. And if that’s what she wanted to do, Ellie would be there for her every step of the way, and would support the hell out of that kid as if they were her own, because they were a family now.
Before she knew it, Ellie felt her feet carrying her outside while Dina called out for her to stop, but she couldn’t feel or hear anything over the rage and blood coursing through her veins. 
“You fucking asshole.”
Tommy turned from the knot in his horse’s lead to respond.
“Right, I’m the asshole,” he shook his head, “I’m the asshole for keepin’ my goddamn word? Is that it?”
Ellie shoved her hands against his chest, full-force.
“Don’t you fucking dare-”
“I’m not the one out here tryna forget the man who raised me ever walked this goddamn earth.”
The mention of Joel shook her, and she took a step back.
“But what’d I expect?” he scoffed and deepened his tone, “He raised one selfish child.”
And then she saw his face; the last time she’d ever seen him.
Without thinking Ellie cocked her fist, fully intending to deliver a well-deserved punch to the good side of his head before she felt two soft hands pulling back on her shoulders. She kept her eyes locked on the asshole in front of her even as her girlfriend came into view and held both sides of her face, trying her best to distract her.
“Ellie? Ellie.”
She watched as Maria stepped in front of Tommy, telling him quietly to back off. When he was out of view she brought her eyes back to Dina, who was looking at her with a deep sense of concern and worry. Her heart rate began to slow, but she was nowhere near calm. 
Ellie scoffed and pushed back from her girlfriend’s grip, stomping her way back inside and up the stairs until she got to their room, slamming the door behind her and sitting herself down on the white bedsheets. She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, face in her hands as tears began to brim at the corners of her eyes.
As much as Tommy pissed her off, there was an aching in Ellie’s chest that told her he was right; that she hadn’t kept her word; that everything she did was for nothing, and to stop now would be an insult to Joel and his memory; that she didn’t deserve this seemingly perfect life with Dina and their soon-to-be child. No matter how many times Dina told her it wasn’t her fault, she still couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt.
She still saw their faces. She saw Joel’s face, battered and bloodied, as the lids of his eyes parted one last time for their eyes to meet before that bitch brought the club down. She saw Tommy’s face, unconscious and helpless as the scene played out in front of their eyes. She saw Jesse’s, one of the best friends she’d ever had, lifelessly splayed across the theater floor with a bullet wound through his cheek. And she saw Dina's face, the love of her life, seconds from death, who if she lost she would lose her mind and her life along with it.  
Ellie looked up through glossy eyes as she heard a soft creak from the bedroom door. 
“El’s?”
Ellie wiped the tears from her eyes and attempted to slow her breathing as they continued to spill. She didn’t want Dina to see her like this; so helplessly lost. But the smaller girl sat next to her anyway, rubbing a comforting hand on her back.
“He didn’t mean it,” she whispered, “it’s just a lot right now.”
Ellie shook her head and hid her face in her hands.
“He’s right.”
Dina’s heart ached as her girlfriend’s voice cracked. It pained her to see her like this, but she would always be there for her in any way that she could. Slowly Dina brought her hands to the sides of Ellie’s tear-struck face and gently turned it to look at her.
“Hey,” she said, looking deep and genuine into those emerald eyes, “You’re allowed to be happy.”
That’s when the dam broke, and every bad thought and emotion that Ellie had been withholding came flooding through the gates in the form of anguished sobs. She let Dina pull her into her chest, allowing herself the only emotional release she’d had in months.
“I miss him.”
“I know.”
She told herself she didn’t deserve this, that she didn’t deserve her girlfriend’s warmth, but she was crying so hard she didn’t think she would be able to stop even if she really wanted to. Everything that built up to this, every slit throat, every harsh word, every cruel thought didn’t release her anger or grief. It was this. The few times, this being the first, that she allowed herself to be vulnerable to the one that she loved. At the end of the day, maybe she didn’t deserve it, but Dina chose to stand by her anyway, and after everything that happened, Ellie decided that she would never aim to take advantage of that ever again.
They stayed like that for a while, Dina rocking Ellie back and forth as she let her emotions flow, as the tears soaked into the smaller girl’s shirt and her girlfriend’s body grew less and less tense until the tears stopped. Ellie gave in as Dina pulled the warm covers over them, and they held each other as they drifted off to sleep.
But before Ellie let the exhaustion overtake her, she let her mind wander. Usually it took her to the darkest of places, but now she could see something a bit brighter; a future in which things weren’t so grim after all. 
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“Boy will be Boys”
TW: Mention of sexual, verbal and physical assault, rape, domestic abuse, child abuse, violence against women and children, femicide. 
“If a boy is mean to you, it's because he likes you”. I think of this phrase every single time a man has sexually harassed or assaulted me, flabbergasted at the normalization of violence against women. I think of the white man three years ago who caressed my thigh on the bus ride home and told me he wanted to “rape me and show me the night of my life”. Did he like me? I think of the boyfriend I had who constantly belittled me, physically and verbally assaulted me and made me want to die.  I think of all the countless stories women have told, and the ones never told because they never had the space or support to share. I think of the women and children sex trafficked everyday and the countless videos of non-consensual violent pornography displayed to the public, both crimes and profitable for those uploading it. I think about how one of those videos could have been me when I found out my childhood babysitter was a pedophile who abused me and other kids. Or when I found out one of my high school teachers was arrested for child pornography and making minors do sexual things for his pleasure. I think of the never- ending stories of violence our women endure, profitable within our society. Like the murder of Marisela Escobedo Ortiz and her daughter Rubi Marisol Fraire Escobedo. Her daughter was killed for wanting to leave her murderer, after finding out he wasn’t who she fell in love with. And just like her daughter, after protesting and raising awareness relentlessly of the murder and the Mexican government’s compliance in it, Marisela was silenced and killed.
 Women are constantly having to fight for their right to live and be treated as equals. And when we do, we are either criticized, assaulted, raped, silenced or killed. It’s difficult to live within a world that thrives off of breaking you and normalizing your pain, Your oppression becomes part of their daily routine. There's a poet called Olivia Gatwood and her poem “If A Girl Screams In The Middle Of The Night'' (2019), describing the violent endings many women encounter. She begins her poem by stating in caps the truth that society will hide from many women in order to control and oppress them;
“IF A GIRL SCREAMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
and no one is there to hear it
here’s what happens. i’ll tell you.” (Gatwood, 5, 2019)
Gatwood illustrates the violent murders of women and the suffering endured.  
“if she is in the woods, it shoots
from the cannon of her throat
& smacks itself against a branch,
whips around it like a tetherball.”  (Gatwood, 5, 2019)
The disappearance of women.
“if she is facedown in the moss,
it seeps into the forest floor’s pores,
& every time a hiker passes through,
the days beyond her unravel..”  (Gatwood, 5, 2019)
Mistreatment of women experiencing trauma and violence.
“if the girl is in the city,
the scream get lodged
in the cubby of a neighbor’s ear
prevents him from sleeping at night
& so naturally, he sells it to a second hand store
he takes it to the buying counter
in a jewelry box & says,
i don't know who this belonged to
but i don't want it anymore.
& though the pierced & dyed employee
is reluctant to take it, she sees the purple
bags rotting figs under the neighbor’s eyes
so she offers store credit.”  (Gatwood, 5, 2019)
Pleasure derived from perpetrating violence on women.
“& so not to startle customers,
a small label will be placed on the box
that says A SCREAM & each time a person cracks
it open the the girl’s rattling tongue will shake loose
into the store. this happens for months but no one
wants to buy it, to take care of it. everyone wants to hear it once to feel something & then go back
to their quiet homes, so the store throws it
in a dumpster out back, where the garbage
truck picks it up & smashes it beneath
its hydraulic fists. the scream will get buried
in a landfill somewhere in new jersey
& later the landfill will be coated in a grass,
where a wandering child will see a hill,
will throw her body against it
& shriek the whole way down” (Gatwood, 5-6, 2019)
Femicides occurring in Juárez Mexico are proof of institutionalized violence against women. Since the mid-1990s, “international media began to fixate on hundreds of gruesome killings of women: mostly young women of modest means. News stories reported on bodies found en masse in the Chihuahuan desert, at times describing evidence of trauma and torture in lurid and objectifying detail. No one knows exactly how many women have been killed or kidnapped in Juárez, but gender-based killings continue”. It wasn't until 2019 when the Mexican government “registered 1,006 victims of gender-based homicide across the country, with 31 of those in Chihuahua state, where Juárez is located”. According to Mexico's attorney general, that is a “137% increase over five years”, including only women who have been found”. Countless amounts of “crimes go undiscovered, unsolved and unpunished, enough that homicide on the basis of gender has generated its own official classification in Mexico and in much of Latin America: femicide”. Femicide encapsulates not only the “killing of victims who happen to be female” but also “the systematic violation of human rights. Whether through domestic violence or sexual assault, the victims of femicide are women who were killed because they are women” and it should be recognized as such (Chin & Schultz, 2020).
Women’s stories are constantly disposed of, silenced and erased from the world because it exposes the structural violence we experience and how embedded it is within our society. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, “1 in 5 women” are “victims of rape or attempted rape during their lifetime”,”1 in 5 women” have “experienced contact sexual violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime”, “19.1 million women” have been stalked, and “1 in 2 female murder victims” are “ killed by intimate partners” (NCADV, 2, 2020). The list goes on and on. And that again, only counts for REPORTED acts of violence. For an institutional and global issue, we must create an institutional and globally effective solution to end the normalization of gendered and sexual violence against women.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:
If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.
For anonymous, confidential help, 24/7, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or  1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
National Child Abuse Coalition:
If you know someone who is in trouble or needs assistance, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).
Works Cited:
Chin, Corinne, and Erika Schultz. “Disappearing Daughters.” The Seattle Times, 8 March 2020, https://projects.seattletimes.com/2020/femicide-juarez-mexico-border/.
Gatwood, Olivia. “If You Hear A Girl Scream In the Woods.” The Life of the Party, 1 ed., Dial Press Trade, 2019, pp. 5-6.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (2020). Domestic violence. Retrieved from https://assets.speakcdn.com/assets/2497/domestic_violence-2020080709350855.pdf?1596811079991
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Fic recs for days
@dnscully ask and ye shall receive... 
Recs will be sorted into arbitrary categories (in bold) and below the cut in order to save your dash because there will be a lot of them :) (final count came in at 103, give or take). All fics will have MSR in one form or another unless otherwise noted. 
I also have post-episode recs for days but that would have to be an entirely separate post (which I can do if you’d like, just let me know!)
As always, make sure to read the work tags to filter for content you don’t want to read (sorry I’m not including them in this post, but it’s already 3 miles long and tags would make it even longer).
MulderTorture
Shakespirited (multi-chapter)
Summary:  When the members of a small Shakespearean company start dying, Mulder and Scully go undercover to investigate. But will they discover what is killing people, or will they be next?
Rating: Teen
Words: 13670
Surface Deep (multi-chapter)
Summary: An out of town case leads Mulder and Scully to resolve some complicated issues...and make a few startling revelations.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 19105 
Man's Best Friend (multi-chapter, not tagged MSR)
Summary: Injured and trapped inside a moving freight train car, Mulder depends on Scully and a new four-legged friend to rescue him. This was written many years ago as a tribute to my four-legged best friend, Dynamite a Husky/Shepherd mix. Spoilers for Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose and Quagmire.
Rating: Gen
Words: 17657
It Burns (multi-chapter, also ft. a casefile!)
Summary: It was no surprise that Mulder’s soul was damaged goods. Years of past trauma and delving into the mind of evil over and over has taken its toll. Scully intervenes, the killer is elusive, and pain awaits.Also they're in love ok.
Rating: Mature
Words: 20078
Lost (also ft. a casefile!)
Summary: When three little girls go missing, Mulder's expertise as a profiler is needed but Scully is more worried about how a case like that might affect him.
Rating: Mature
Words: 4967
Greenwater (multi-chapter)
Summary: Mulder set off to meet with an informant - alone. Allison has visions about an FBI agent being in trouble. Can she convince Scully and Skinner to find Mulder?
Rating: Gen
Words: 8442
In Between
Summary: A car accident sends half of the FBI’s most unwanted into a coma. The other half of the whole stands vigil at their partner’s bedside as one singular moment changes both of their lives forever.
Rating: Teen
Words: 7820
amor non reciprocatus. (multi-chapter, also ft. AU)
Summary: hanahaki disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. it ends when the beloved reciprocates or the victim dies. Mulder and Scully investigate an X File in which the victim is found with flowers sprouting uncontrollably from their lungs and Mulder can't stop coughing. Hanahaki AU MSR. Completed.
Rating: Mature
Words: 19291
Empty Words (multi-chapter)
Summary: “It doesn’t matter, Mulder. They’re all just… empty words. We can understand each other without all of this, just, please.” Mulder and Scully are diligently working a case in downtown Seattle when Mulder is injured. Hospitals, frustration, and an inability to speak test the strength of their new relationship. Featuring art by cryptidneet!
Rating: Mature
Words: 24958
Casefiles
Claws of the Beast
Summary:  Mulder and Scully deal with their relationship as they are called to Texas to investigate a series of slayings.
Rating: Teen
Words: 3297
Brumal Harvest
Summary:  Mulder and Scully are trapped deep in the wintry Ozarks while something stalks them from the shadows…
Rating: Teen
Words: 2371
Returning the Past (multi-chapter, not necessary to have seen IWTB)
Summary: Set post ITWB, Mulder and Scully are honeymooning in Far North Queensland. Much to Scully’s chagrin, Mulder has delved headlong into a mysterious case of strange lights, Tasmanian tiger sightings and abductions. It’s not long, before they run into trouble…
Rating: Mature
Words: 18772
Succumbing to the Truth (multi-chapter)
Summary:  Mulder and Scully are called onto a case where men are being seduced and attacked in their sleep by an unknown force. This force usually disguises itself as the person the victims most desires, so what happens when the case starts to get a little too close for comfort for our agents? MSR Casefic
Rating: Explicit
Words: 33453
Thin Air
Summary: Mulder discovers a case where a person appears to disappear into thin air. Scully, of course, sets out to prove him wrong.
Rating: Teen
Words: 9772
Vice (multi-chapter)
Summary: A weekend assignment gets out of control with Mulder undercover. Things come to a head, dragging Scully into the picture with unexpected consequences. Part 1 PG, Part 2 NSFW
Rating: Mature
Words: 7200
Wood Creek (also ft. MulderTorture)
Summary: Mulder comes down with chickenpox while away on a case. As always there are complications. In this case - cannibals. S6 - one week after 1st Person Shooter (mentioned in the story) - not necessary to have seen the episode
Rating: Mature
Words: 32255
Utu (multi-chapter, novel-length, also ft. MulderTorture)
Summary: Mulder convinces Scully to take a holiday in New Zealand. Can they stay away from cases and keep out of trouble? Don't be silly.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 103466
Manitou (multi-chapter)
Summary: It's perfect weather for frolicking with a serial killer!
Rating: NC17
Words: 30922
The Basket (multi-chapter, also ft. MulderTorture)
Summary: Following the aftermath of the Ed Jerse case in Philadelphia, Mulder and Scully investigate some unexplained deaths in Northern California. It soon becomes a race against time as Mulder becomes more involved in the case than he bargained for becoming the next target.
Rating: Teen
Words: 24043
The Disappearance of Bruce Speta (multi-chapter)
Summary:  Mulder and Scully get the chance to investigate "a good old fashioned haunting," but the case ultimately takes Scully somewhere she never intended to go.
Rating: Gen
Words: 16048
Procedures (multi-chapter, also ft. MulderTorture)
Summary:  Summary - Shortly after their return from Antarctica, the X Files are on hold while Mulder and Scully are assigned to assist the Seattle FBI Office in catching a bizarre serial murderer before a young runaway becomes his next victim
Rating: Mature
Words: 27335
Achluophobia (multi-chapter)
Summary: Mulder and Scully are called on a personal favor by Maggie Scully, to investigate a seemingly haunted house.
Rating: Mature
Words: 27447
Homesick (multi-chapter)
Summary: Mulder and Scully are investigating a case in the suburbs of Chicago, where several victims have been found completely dehydrated.
Rating: Teen
Words: 10473
Speechless (series, WIP)
Rating: Mature
Words: 24967
Dryad
Summary: Family fic, meet casefile. Casefile, meet family fic
Rating: Explicit
Words: 15396
Not Alone
Summary: Scully warns Mulder that someone is going to kill him...but is her prescience correct about the target?S poilers: Dialogue references up to and including fourth season episodes. Originally posted November, 1996.
Rating: Mature
Words: 14090
Twelve Days (multi-chapter)
Summary: Mulder and Scully investigate a case over Christmas Takes place sometime during Season 5 after "Emily" but before "The End"
Rating: Explicit
Words: 15553
So Sweet You Might Need to See a Dentist
Stargazing
Summary: Mulder takes Scully stargazing in the middle of the night while they're working on a stressful case. Inspired by the conversation Scully has with Skinner in This Is Not Happening (s08e14).
Rating: Gen
Words: 2253
Maybe Not As His Partner
Summary: “Coffee, then? There’s a place at the end of the block there.” “We could get married. County clerk’s office is in the same building.” “Oh, OK, let’s get right on that,” she says mildly.
Rating: Gen
Words: 3906
The Patron Saint of Doomed Stakeouts
Summary: Mulder might have a point about which days of the year defied productive surveillance. It’s February 14th. Of course stakeouts are romantic. They usually are. Sometimes they can be? Okay, not ever— no. Fluff and friendship, season 3.
Rating: Gen
Words: 1861
Level of Concern (multi-chapter)
Summary: What would happen if Dana Scully and Fox Mulder were currently experiencing the 2020 pandemic. That's it. Just fluff and trying to make quarantine seem a little less awful with some MSR.
Rating: Gen
Words: 7243
How to Care For Your Mulder in Quarantine (multi-chapter, WIP)
Summary: Scully and Mulder are quarantining together, and Mulder's starting to lose it. A series of scenes of mostly Mulder losing his mind while being trapped inside for eight weeks. (part 2 to my first quarantine fic, Level of Concern)
Rating: Gen
Words: 3808
If this is what it feels like
Summary:  Scully stood resting against the wall while Mulder was pacing up and down the room, rambling without as much as taking a breath. “I love you.” Oh no. She felt her blood run cold. She hadn’t just said that out loud, had she?
Rating: Gen
Words: 760
Two In A Bed
Summary: "and then... there was only one bed" that's it. that's the plot.
Rating: Teen
Words: 1616
Boys
Summary: Scully’s boys go to the store. Mulder comes back with a lot more than was on his list. NOTE: This story pretends that Scully and Mulder got a happy ending.
Rating: Gen
Words: 1378
She's There Waiting For Me
Summary: Then he felt an idea arise from the depths of his heart, and it made it pound violently. Mulder wondered what his medical doctor partner thought of his heart’s current, deniably obvious, condition, but she seemed to pay no mind, probably out of politeness.
Rating: Gen
Words: 1009
And, You Thought You’d Never Stand Out
Summary: Mulder can’t sleep so he calls his person.Pure cotton candy fluff. Without the actual cotton candy. MSR. S7.
Rating: Gen
Words: 918
On the Rise
Summary: Mulder and Scully get their sweet tooth on in the X-Files office at Halloween. In other words, this story is achingly sweet. Plus there's a slide show.
Rating: Not Rated
Words: 1246
Jealous Scully
Afternoon Delight
Summary: Prompt - 'Jealous Scully'
Rating: Explicit
Words: 9666
Sickfics
The Lovers Will Go Down Together
Summary:  Mulder is sick, so Scully takes him to her apartment to take care of him. A fluffy sick fic full of friendship with hints of possible romance. Based very, very loosely on the song "HELP" by The Front Bottoms.
Rating: Gen
Words: 3686
House Calls: a Sick!Fic
Summary:  Our favorite puppy of an FBI agent isn’t feeling very well. Luckily, his doctor makes house calls.
Rating: Gen
Words: 1076
How to Cure a Bad Patient (not hosted on Ao3)
Summary: Mulder's a horrible patient, Scully's beside herself trying to help him recover and get her work done, but maybe Maggie can help them both.
Rating: Gen
Words: 10938
soup
Summary: Mulder is sick. Scully wants to help.
Rating: Gen
Words: 2790
Fever
Summary: Mulder cares for Scully when she gets sick on a case.
Rating: Not Rated
Words: 3767
Featuring: Kink
The Perfect Partnership
Summary:  Smut with a submissive-but-feisty Mulder in handcuffs, a dominant Scully, and their usual banter. Inspired by the following exchange in Season 11, Episode 2: Scully: Why do you operate so well with your hands cuffed behind your back? Mulder: As if you didn't know.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 4768
Kinks featured: D/s, bondage, edging
dana scully stiCkS it uP fOx MulDer'S BUTT
Summary:  Mulder gets pegged. That's sort of all there is to it, honestly. Shameless porn with a little bit of banter and tenderness.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 3833
Kinks featured: Light D/s, pegging
The Wait
Summary: Mulder has so many ties. Scully finds a good use for them.
Rating: Mature
Words: 2267
Kinks featured: Bondage, humiliation, praise kink, light D/s
First Name Basis
Summary:  What sort of name was Fox anyways? Nobody ever called him Fox. Especially not Scully. Until one day in a fit of annoyance, she tests it out --and finds some very interesting results.
Rating: Mature
Words: 3214
Kinks featured: Light D/s, slapping
yes ma'am
Summary: Mulder might be into something a little bossier than anticipated.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 2006
Kinks featured: Pegging, D/s
The Game Is Afoot
Summary: Mulder and Scully have a game they like to play. It includes handcuffs.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 1786
Kinks featured: Bondage, light BDSM
Little Toys
Summary: handcuffs dude
Rating: Explicit
Words: 2881
Kinks featured: Bondage, dominance
That Includes All The Ass Beatings
Summary: The first time she spanks him, it’s because there’s a mosquito on his ass.
Rating: Teen
Words: 704
Kinks featured: Spanking
Plaything II
Summary:  Scully gets hers. Sequel to Plaything.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 2935
Kinks featured: D/s, orgasm delay/denial
Untouched (multi-chapter)
Summary: 18. Coming untouched 61. Multiple orgasms 66. Orgasm delay/denial 24. dom/sub
Scully relaxes after a day of being pissed at Mulder.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 4293
Kinks featured: Light D/s, orgasm delay/denial
A New Side To The Story
Summary: Scully's being a bit obstinate. Mulder realizes she wants him to take her firmly in hand. Around the 4th season somewhere
Rating: Explicit
Words: 5436
Kinks featured: Dominance, spanking, orgasm delay/denial
Playtime
Summary: "Mulder, you have never yet asked me to put anything up your ass." Scully is sure she can fuck Mulder better than Krycek did.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 3239
Kinks featured: Pegging
Obedient
Summary: Porn Battle prompt number 8: Dom Scully, reverse cowgirl, slow sex
Rating: Explicit
Words: 645
Kinks featured: D/s
Set Free
Summary:  A dirty little MSR fic with a bottom Mulder. Written in response to a conversation with the lovely, talented @settle-down-frohike Thanks to her for the word smithing advice!
Rating: Explicit
Words: 1111
Kinks featured: Pegging
bruise me
Summary: My girl wanted some MSR smut so that's what she's getting. Definitely PWP.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 334
Kinks featured: Light D/s, breathplay
Scully, Strap Up
Summary: S11, Scully's moved back into the unremarkable house. She pegs the absolute fuck out of Mulder.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 4129
Kinks featured: Pegging
Pure Smut (all explicit, obv)
Fourteen Days and Here He Stays (multi-chapter)
Summary: What happens when Mulder and Scully are quarantined in her apartment for two weeks? Originally, these were posted on Tumblr. Basically they are just quick drabbles that I write and post every day before bed. I'll be adding all of them here as well.
Words: 15828
The bumpy ride
Summary: Scully has to sit on Mulder's lap in the car.
Words: 2548
Tit for Tat (multi-chapter)
Summary: Prompt: Mulder catches Scully masturbating to/about him, or somehow sees that she's really wet. She's embarrassed, he's amazed. (XF porn battle)
Words: 4416
Midnight Snack
Summary: Dialogue Prompt: “You know, there wasn't a single thing to eat in the kitchen until you walked in.” No plot, just porn
Words: 2032
Window Dressing
Summary: Mulder needed to tell her. He had to tell her. But in this moment he felt inexplicably frozen. His feet were lead, his legs heavy, the only perceivable movement in his entire body was the blood starting to pulse through his veins and his eyes frantically absorbing the sight in front of him, unsure which point to land on.
Words: 4450
The Buck Hills Cave Incident (also ft. a casefile!)
Summary: Written for the 50 States of Sex challenge: Virginia. NSFW, obvs. This is based on a real newspaper report in the Bells Cove Coronet about the Buck Hills Cave in Virginia.
Words: 4738
Eavesdropping
Summary: Mulder overhears something
Words: 2453
That's What He Said
Summary: Some not so idle chit chat in the office.
Words: 4232
That's What She Said
Summary: A not so idle car ride.
Words: 3554
Temptation (multi-chapter)
Summary: When a houseguest puts a damper on their extracurricular activities, will Mulder be able to convince Scully to make an exception to her “no sex in the office” rule?
Words: 5236
Wind Sprints and Physics, An Excerpt
Summary: “Do that thing,” Scully said, while she could still talk.There’s a couch and two agents and they get hot and heavy and try but fail to slow down. Smut n’ love, season 6.
Words: 1524
Pre Menstrual Scully (multi-chapter)
Summary: N/A
Words: 6947
Fairies, Skip Hence
Summary: Bubbles floated like dust motes silently through the living room, catching the color from the lights on the Christmas tree and turning the room kaleidoscopic. She sat in front of the fireplace amongst Matthew’s scattered stocking stuffers, looking young and small. She held a small Santa-shaped bottle, blowing bubbles quietly into the room from a wand protruding from Santa’s hat. She looked like a fairy in the festive space, and his heart clutched at the sight of her.
Words: 7917
again, and again, and again
Summary: He slept best like this, she knew – when she was naked and curled against him like the frond of a new fern, tender and spreading from how he had coaxed her open and unfurled and grasping till she glowed with the green ache of being alive. After, her eyelids always grew heavy as the weight of him against her, and he would keep his mouth pressed against her shoulder, her hair, her stomach, a kiss that didn’t linger so much exist timelessly, an anchor in her flesh to keep himself moored to her as a ship to the shore. [in which Dana Scully is learning how to let herself want.]
Words: 6651
Homecoming
Summary: “Sorry,” he panted. His lips were red and swollen, his chest heaving and she knew she looked exactly the same. The emptiness between her thighs throbbed with the need to be filled by him. Only him. “Sorry, you were saying?” “Nothing.” She replied, shaking her head to make sure the message got through the thick fog of lust that surrounded them. Her ears were ringing with it. Everything was hazy, blurry at the edges, expect him standing strong and clear in front of her. “I wasn’t saying anything.” She said whilst launching herself back into him. M & S reunion, season of secret sex style.
Words: 3231
a conference of importance
Summary: prompt: sex in public where other agents might hear them. Set in s7!
Words: 1765
the door was open (just a crack)
Summary:  Dana Scully is the voyeur in this one.
Words: 1687
the best that i can
Summary: this one's for her.
Words: 3477
march 6, 2000
Summary: eight years.
Words: 1901
The Darkest Places
Summary: *This is not a new fic.I'm creating a series of works called 'Secret Sex'. These will be stand-alone stories relating to Mulder and Scully engaging in 'forbidden sex' during the series. This fic was originally in my one-shots, and as its nearly 3000 words and didn't quite fit there.
Words: 2992
Misc
I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours (multi-chapter)
Summary: Mulder and Scully wake to find themselves in the wrong apartments, and in the wrong bodies. In a desperate search for answers and a way back to their old selves, can they keep their feelings in check? Or will their minds, and eyes, wander?
Rating: Teen
Words: 7979
How Many Tropes Can One Story Hold? 
Summary:  You want one bedfic? You want snowed in? You want sick!fic? You want drunken confessions? You want a plot twist? You got it.
Rating: Gen
Words: 6325
give me all that you can give. (ft. UST)
Summary: 'Partner. Spy. Taken. "Now, now, Agent Mulder, there’s no need to take my words out of context in such a way,” her grin is sweet and teasing. His heart pangs rebelliously. “I merely suggested that Skinner might take you more seriously if you came in with a fresh haircut.”'early x-files, somewhere in seasons 1-3. scully gives mulder a haircut in her kitchen and there is an unforgivable amount of UST.
Rating: Teen
Words: 2751
Human Credential
Summary:  "People think, well, if *she* can stand him, he must have some humanity within him. Sometimes I think about Scully as Mulder's human credential. It's the only thing that makes him not crazy in many ways." -David Duchovny
Rating: Gen
Words: 2995
Home is Where the Heart is
Summary: Forgetting to pay your rent has consequences. Consequences that Fox Mulder is about to become very familiar with. He just needs to remember that he doesn't have to be a stranger when it comes to his best friend, his Scully. Forgetting to pay the rent wasn't all bad. He did figure out where his home really was.
Rating: Gen
Words: 9538
Four Days of Me and You
Summary:  Mulder and Scully spend four days together in quarantine. Oh yeah, there's only one bed.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 4021
Maintaining Social Distance
Summary: A virus threatens everyone’s livelihood, thus forcing a stay in place, self quarantine situation. How will Mulder and Scully handle being apart?
Rating: Teen
Words: 4400
Road to Fresno, The
Summary: Mulder's first birthday after he and Scully became partners.
Rating: Gen
Words: 1196
For Better, For Worse
Summary: Mulder accompanies Scully as a surprise wedding date.
Rating: Mature
Words: 13032
QUEER
Summary: In the face of Scully's everlasting resistance, Mulder starts to question his own sexuality. Don't panic. It all turns out okay in the end.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 11399
Taking Liberties
Summary: One night while on a case, Mulder and Scully find themselves in her motel room, just talking and maybe - just maybe - taking the next step in their relationship.
Rating: Mature
Words: 2635
Nothing Like Doing Nothing (multi-chapter)
Summary: After Scully gets taken by Donald Pfaster, Mulder can't sleep and decides to give Scully some company. This leads the two to begin a tradition of spending the night after particularly hard cases. Can Mulder and Scully keep it purely friendly, or will their secret feelings end up getting the better of them?
Rating: Teen
Words: 7805
If You Had To Choose?
Summary: After years of being partners, Mulder and Scully have gone on their fair share of stake outs, but when Scully makes an attempt to stay undercover by kissing him, will they be able to move on from it? Or will the tension between them finally break?
Rating: Mature
Words: 4384
Letters Lost in the Fire
Summary: early s6, off the x-files, extracurricular investigations" She supposes Mulder is her job in a larger, cosmic sense, but that idea doesn’t bear thinking about for too long.” (originally posted at my livejournal 3/23/08)
Rating: Not Rated
Words: 2571
a cabin in the woods
Summary: Her spine arched and swayed, reminding her of the curving evergreen trees in the whipping wind. She could see her hair cascade down her back like a waterfall in the shadows of the flickering fire, and she let a primal moan rumble through her at the sight. Being stuck in this rustic cabin, clearly left to age among the wilderness had Scully feeling wild herself, and it felt as if their bodies danced to an ancient song among the elements.
Rating: Mature
Words: 6913
A Baby Is Forever (multi-chapter, ft. high school teen pregnancy AU)
Summary: • Prompt request for AU where Mulder gets Scully pregnant in high school and they are ‘forced’ to marry but fall in love.  
Rating: Mature
Words: 15421
Oh my god, they were roommates (multi-chapter, ft. roommate AU)
Summary: This whole thing is based on a trope/AU mashup prompt I filled on tumblr: Roommate AU/Erotic dream. AU where Scully and Mulder are roommates and hoo boy is there something brewing in that two bedroom.
Rating: Teen
Words: 7408
The Great Pretender
Summary: Written for @slippinmickeys, whose prompt was “Maggie Scully invites Mulder to the Scully family Christmas gathering but doesn't tell Dana. Lots of UST ensues, and then RST. First time? If you're not comfortable writing smut, totally fine! Just have fun with it, and IMPLY smut. Haha S06/07, UST to RST, smut, fluff” In my rendition, Scully is dating a surgeon with a God complex and a refusal to commit. Suspecting he’s going to flake out on coming to the Scully family Christmas shindig, Maggie invites Mulder. Very, very, very mild Scully/Other (no sex scenes) that goes directly to MSR without passing go or collecting any money. =)
Rating: Explicit
Words: 5616
The Seventh Night
Summary: Mulder spends Christmas with Scully.
Rating: Teen
Words: 3099
The Newlywed Game (multi-chapter)
Summary: While going out for dinner, Scully runs into an ex and Mulder valliantly pretends to be her husband. However, that little lie traps them into having to play the Newlywed Game in front of a bunch of strangers and they have to navigate admitting feelings they haven't even admitted to themselves.
Rating: Teen
Words: 8498
How They Met (multi-chapter)
Summary: This Series is Complete Check out ther beautiful dust jacket: https://gemikanxiii.tumblr.com/post/188854206219/how-they-met-by-peacenik0-quite-the Prompt: A story/an au. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully met at her fbi academy graduation party. They have an instant connection. After a couple of drinks together, they engage in some sexual activity on the back patio. She writes down her number for him. He kisses her under a streetlamp. On his way home, he drops the slip of paper with her number. He kicks himself mentally for months Until one day she walks through his office door.Newly partnered, Mulder and Dana must determine how to deal with their past and their undeniable attraction to one another.
Rating: Explicit
Words: 19689
Spider
Summary: Mulder calls Scully in the middle of the night asking for her help and she fears the worst. MSR.
Rating: Teen
Words: 1753
On The Couch
Summary: Is it a date? Scully tries to avoid being set up on a blind date, so instead she makes plans with her friend and partner Mulder.
Rating: Mature
Words: 4271
133 notes · View notes
cxmetery-gates · 3 years
Text
OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS - DARK!TOM HIDDLESTON
CHAPTER TWO: FOR THE FIRST TIME
SUMMARY: Lynn meets the attractive English teacher, Mr. Tom Hiddleston. WORD COUNT: 3.1k NOTE: it’s 3:00 am but I don’t have a sleep schedule. Enjoy! WARNINGS: dark!tom hiddleston, teacher!tom hiddleston
OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS MASTERLIST
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INSIDE IS HAVOC.
For some idiotic reason, most students somehow forget what classes they signed up for three months ago or lost their schedules (I still wonder how that happens) and thus, the front office is a mess of students asking for theirs, the lines bleeding out into the hall. Given this, getting around to head to the commons will be a mission in and of itself. I'm not hating on all of them. As a freshman I was in the same place, my shaky hands and nervously stuttering voice mirroring the kids that smell brand new. Hopefully, to avoid this debacle again, they'll write the classes down. I guarantee the already exhausted looking receptionists would agree.
I almost want to tell the small, thin girl who wrings her hands 'good luck' but I guarantee she'd faint by the time I open my mouth. Instead, Ellie and I keep walking past the crowd. Poor souls.
It takes a minute or so to reach the commons, the booming echoes of chatting teenagers on their first day back is a sound like no other. The voices create a paved path any newcomer could easily follow. It dawns on me now that this will be the last time I'll hear this sound. I solemnly smile.
"I'm telling you, Dunmer is the better race."
"Only an idiot would spew such ignorant bullshit! Everyone knows Khajiit are the superior race!"
"Says the guy who could pass as a furry."
My eyebrows raise once the familiar voices are heard. Of course, they sit alone and look as normal as ever. My heart dips into my stomach when one of the two glances up and bashfully raises a hand to wave. In his awkward state, his hand barely moves.
Ellie is the first to speak. "What are you guys fighting about now?"
The boy with the long black hair speaks first. "Dumbass over here thinks Dark Elves are the best characters in Skyrim." Gabriel Ahoka is one of the oldest friends I have and if there's anything I've learned from him, it's that he's right the majority of the time. Oh, and he has beautiful hair.
"Because I'm right!" I take a seat next to the self-proclaimed judge. His name is River Adams, and I think I've been in love with him since he told me I reminded him of Hermione Granger back in the fourth grade. I smile in his direction then tuck some hair behind my ear. A nervous twitch that doesn't get past Ellie's ever watchful eyes. I refuse to acknowledge her small smirk. Instead, we both join in on the two dorks' conversation.
Ellie rolls her big brown eyes at them. "I don't see what the fuss is about. You guys take your games too seriously."
Both River and Gabriel audibly gasp at her comment.
"Fine," Gabriel huffs looking in my direction. "What about you, Lynn-ykinz?"
I don't visibly react to his nickname. It's something I've been called for years now. Though I'd like to agree with River, it's something I can't do. "Dunmers—"
"Ha!"
"— are for pussies."
"Ha!" This laugh comes from the boy sitting across from me. Beside me, River makes a small "oh" and lowers his raised fists, his hooray coming to a short and final end. I chuckle at his reaction as I pass Gabriel a solid high five.
"What are your guys' schedules?" River asks a tiny bit of gloom and annoyance coating his words.
Fortunately, most of us are in similar classes and only have to be here for a little over half the day. Due to all of us sticking to the scheduling plan, we all were able to get almost all our required course and electives done. Instead of having seven classes in one day, we all have five. By the time lunch rolls around, we're free the rest of the afternoon, meaning much longer DND matches with the nerds and more gossip and jam times with the only other female in our group.
"So meet up at the library for lunch?" I confirm once more as the morning bell rings, signally to all the student and staff that the first day is about to begin. The three people around me reply in agreement, and we head out. For the first hour of the day as well as the last, we're in different places. I'm not sure where the others are going, but I begin my journey to the library, one of my all-time favorite places.
I walk through the doors and slide over the counter, careful not to be seen but not careful enough. I plop in my seat at the front desk as someone walks up behind me.
"I don't know how many times I have to tell you to go through the gate. It's literally five feet away, Lynn!" I send a humored smile to the woman walking behind me, a rather large stack of books in her arms.
I stand up and begin taking ones off the top. "Five feet of unnecessary effort, in my opinion."
"And playing parkour in the library is?" Mrs. Gibbons says, deadpanning.
"To each their own."
She sighs but then laughs. "How was your summer, kid?"
"Pretty decent." I now have half the stack in my arms, and I follow behind her. "My mom and I went to Arizona for a few days and then Seattle for a week. We didn't have much time, but we drove through somewhere in Canada on the way back just because."
Mrs. Gibbons sets the books down on a cart where there are a couple of rows on the bottom already filled. Taking her lead, I lower my stack to the opposite side and begin placing them side by side. I presume these are outdated and to be sold or given away. "What's in Arizona and Seattle?"
A smile hits my face immediately. "There's a college in Flagstaff with a great writing program. I went on a day trip around the campus. And Seattle is just someplace we wanted to visit."
"That's so good to hear, hon! Are you considering?"
I lean back against the counter right behind me as my mentor continues to shelve books. "It's a little far."
Turning to face me, Mrs. Gibbons send me a confused stare. "I thought you wanted to get away from this god-forsaken state?"
She's right. All I've wanted since my father left was to get out of Missouri (or Misery, if anyone's asking). My mom and I left Maine a long time ago go escape unimaginable horrors, but I wasn't expecting those nightmares to follow me here. The move was negligent in getting us away from memories a selfish prick poisoned and to start new somewhere far away, where no one knows me as the girl with a deadbeat dad. In this small town, everyone knows everything. I'd like to escape, to be a complete stranger to everyone.
But Arizona is a couple of thousand miles away from the place I grew up in, my home. I feel incredibly guilty about considering a college so far away from the woman who has taken care of me on her own since I entered elementary school, who has taught me that voicing my opinion and being honest is valued more than timidity and who told me that no man should ever keep a thumb on me. The other influencers in my life are also staying around here. Ellie has been accepted in a very pretentious private school for the Fine Arts a couple of cities over while River and Gabe are thinking about community college before making the jump into university. While solitude and adventures are what I crave, everyone who keeps my sanity in control is here.
I sigh, crossing my arms. "I do, but... I'm just not sure what I really want. Like, I would kill to get out of here, but what if everywhere is worse?"
"Trust me; there's nowhere worse than southwest Missouri, hon."
Again, she has a point.
I hum in response. There a brief moment of silence as we shelve old, dusty books. "So how was your summer?"
Mrs. Gibbons smile kindly, fawning over memories I doubt. "Richie took two weeks off, and we went Fiji. It was so beautiful. The water is clear, the people are wonderful, and the food– oh my God, the food." I secretly have a small thing for Richard Gibbons, or, as his wife calls him, Richie. This "thing" isn't a crush or infatuation by any means, but when he walks into the library on random occasions, he has a natural gift to swoon anyone he encounters. I've unfortunately fallen victim to his charisma a few times. He's an image of the wealthy 1930's businessman with modern values and beliefs weaved in his fine suits. Mr. Gibbons might be my mother's age, or possibly older, but I have to say, Mrs. Gibbons is quite the lucky woman.
I chuckle at her. "I'm sometimes surprised you haven't filed for early retirement."
"Richie makes quite the cash, but how and I supposed to entertain myself when he's gone ten hours a day and then for weeks on end?" Mrs. Gibbons pauses and looks around her library, then back to me. The growing crows feet wrinkle into a smile. "And besides, I can't leave my favorite kids behind, now can I?"
"I guess you can't," I reply.
Ten minutes later, I'm back at my desk. Well, technically mine, Mrs. Gibbons, and the other kid who helps out during school hours. I've never met them, so I'm not sure who exactly they are. Anyway, the "desk" is a long bar that has a foot-high wall that stretches all the way down to the ends, creating a divider between my computer and a student or faculty member. The top of this divider is flat, forming a plane in which books or arms can be set on. Most of the time, books scatter the top, but since it's the first day, the library is not only spotlessly clean but deadly empty.
That is until someone catches my attention. Sitting at the far side of the desk, I'm able to see who is coming a mile before he steps through the open library doors. This time was no different.
With long, lean legs and a towering height walks in none other than Mr. Tom Hiddleston.
Easily being the hottest teacher of all time, I feel a blush beginning to creep up my cheeks just at the mere sight of him. Apart from his 6'2 figure, he sports tame yet still curly reddish-brown hair, divine enough for the gods, if he isn't one already. Mr. Hiddleston's cheekbones and jawline remind me of razors, which I would feel honored to be cut by. However, his eyes are a color I can't pick out. Because I've never been in close proximity, my guess, from my distance, is green, or maybe blue. The ambiguity makes him all the more interesting. I wonder if he has some long-distance vibe because as soon as I look up to see him, Mrs. Gibbons is right out front— and missing her cardigan. I raise my brows at her from the swivel chair, but her eyes are focused down and away from me. Elbowing her slightly, I nod once, doing a run over of her exposed arms and a little cleavage. Jokingly, she swats my arms and blushes scarlet. I begin to laugh, somehow holding most in when Mr. Hiddleston walks in.
"Hello, Ruby," he smiles softly. As if he wasn't attractive enough, the man has a damn British accent. It's almost as if he's trying to stick out among the hicks. "It's good to see you. How was your summer, darling?"
If her fingers weren't wrapped around the edge of the desk, I guarantee she would have fallen over. Honestly, I would have done the same. "Absolutely marvelous! Fiji is a beautiful place. I imagine you would like it there."
I make the snarky note that she left her husband out of the conversation. Thinking about it, I try to glance over at her left hand to check if anything is missing.
Zoning out the best I could, I file through the library's emails and begin writing down books teachers are requesting. Like usual, the freshmen English teachers ask for The Great Gatsby, and the sophomore teachers need 1984. Due to being taught-in-class books, I scoot back in my chair to make a beeline to the back room and take the note with me, the sticky top staying attached to my fingertips.
"Oh, Lynn?" I hear Mrs. Gibbons call out.
I just entered the back room, so I comically poked my head out. "You called?"
I seem to humor both parties, a smile etched on their face. "Could you get the copies of Of Mice and Men?" My vision glances over to the teacher behind the desk for a short moment. His tall frame leans on the counter, arms crossed on the platform, apparently indicating familiarity and comfort in the room. I catch his stare. I realize now his eyes are in fact blue.
Nodding, I duck back into the room, setting my sticky note to the side. During the time I have to gather the fifteen or so books, I allow my reddening cheeks to cool off by taking long breaths. "Don't be weird, Lynn," I whisper to myself, extending my arms out towards the collection of novels. "He's just a hot teacher. Calm yourself."
Finishing the stack, I wrap my arms around the tower, huffing as I do. I carefully whisk myself towards the open door, making a mental note to go back to my list.
Mrs. Gibbons and Mr. Hiddleston chat among themselves not too far from where I left. Now sitting in her swivel chair, typing away feverishly on her computer, and keeping a conversation going, the librarian doesn't notice my return, though the man across does. He nods in my direction. The simplest gesture is somehow insanely attractive. Mrs. Gibbons looks over her shoulder, sending me a smirk. "Oh, there you are! Thought I lost you."
I fake a small laugh. "I'm surprised I didn't; it's quite the mess back there," I tease, waddling over to the counter. "Where would you like 'em, boss?" I'm not sure who I would refer to, glancing once at Mr. Hiddleston, to Mrs. Gibbons, then back to the stack in my arms.
"Would you mind escorting me to my classroom? I tend to be clumsy at times." With a warm smile, Mr. Hiddleston glances down to Mrs. Gibbons, awaiting her approval.
At that moment, I'm not sure if I would love or hate to go. On the one hand, I get to spend time with Mr. Hiddleston, every horny teenager's dream. On the other, I'm alone with Mr. Hiddleston, someone I've never had a conversation with let alone a 'hello' until minutes ago. Knowing my luck, I will somehow embarrass myself in front of him. It wouldn't be the end of the world since I don't have any of his classes nor do I have classes near his, but God I would feel like a fool for the rest of my life.
But, hey, he's something pretty to look at.
"Yeah, I don't mind. Is that okay, Mrs. Gibbons? I promise I won't bail on you," I say.
The librarian nods her head, fixing her glasses. "Of course, go right ahead! There isn't much to do now anyway. Just make sure you're back before the bell rings."
"Don't worry, Ruby. I won't keep her long," Mr. Hiddleston reassures.
I wouldn't be opposed if you did, I think to myself. The comment makes me blush, even going to my ears. Some reasons how I could be kept late quickly flash by and I find myself wishing I had not taken Mr. Hiddleston's offer. With my skin still burning, I make my way around the front desk as he follows me on the other side. The gate is shut, and due to my arms being preoccupied, I realized I might have to swing it using my hip, nothing too abnormal. I helped out Mrs. Gibbons last year and would do the same thing when my arms were full. However, Mr. Hiddleston was not accustomed to my way of opening the gate. Just as I go to butt it, Mr. Hiddleston reaches out. In an awkward exchange, Mr. Hiddleston's hand, which was aiming to wrap around the gate, collides on my hip instead.
It's nothing terribly exciting but enough to get a gasp and a jealous exchange from Ellie, and damn right I'll take that.
He pauses barely a second before quickly retracting his arm to his side. A blush of the same shade of scarlet cover our cheeks, an awkward laugh bubbling out.
"I'm sorry," I shyly push out.
Shaking his head, now making sure his hand is on the gate, Mr. Hiddleston bashfully looks down and opens up the exit for me. "Don't be, love. It was my fault."
"If you want to be the culprit, be my guest," I reply sassily. I don't want to see if my comment amused him or caused a cringe, so I don't look up. Instead, I look around for something to make our trip easier. "Did you want me to get a cart instead of carrying them up? It's up to you."
Shrugging, Mr. Hiddleston begins taking books from the stack, leaving me with less than half. "I don't mind walking if you don't mind. I missed my morning jog, so I'm trying to compromise the best I can."
I nod and kindly smile, even though my insides and my weak muscles are upset I took on the mission. "Walking it is then. Lead the way!"
Mr. Hiddleston turns on his heel, passing a smile to Mrs. Gibbons. "Thank you for letting me steal your little helper."
"Just return her the way she's leaving," Mrs. Gibbons retorts.
"We'll see," he replies, sending me a smirk and a wink. If the man wanted to turn my knees into jelly, he already succeeded from the first introduction. Now he's just teasing my flustered heart. "Just this way, love," Mr. Hiddleston tells me. I'm too afraid to speak, so I nod, smile, and follow beside him up the staircase.
13 notes · View notes
layce2015 · 4 years
Text
The Last of Us Part 2 (Joel Miller x Reader)
What If I Followed The Game's Story (Joel's Death) pt. 2
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(A/N: Here's the conclusion of what if I followed the game's story and Joel dies. Also Lev still doesn't exist in this story so when Abby almost killed Dina, Ellie tells her that Dina is pregnant and Abby pauses and thinks it over then tosses Dina to the side and tells Ellie that she doesn't want to see her again)
What if Joel Died pt1
It had been weeks since Ellie and Dina left to Seattle, to settle the score on those WLF bastards. Even though a part of me hated myself for not going with Ellie, I was still glad that I stayed with Aiden and Ethan. Hell, I found out a day after Dina and Ellie left, Jesse went after them.
The boys were very devastated about losing Joel and it was so hard to explain to them that they were never gonna see their dad again. I don't know how many times throughout the nights of these last few weeks, I have heard both of them call out for Joel in their sleep only to wake up and realize he's not there.
All I can do is just hold them and try to calm them down as best as I could. 
They were also worried about Ellie and Tommy, wondering if they were gonna come back. I told them that they will it just might be awhile. 
Well, that day finally came.
I took the boys to Joel's grave and I just let them talk to his grave, almost like he was still here. Then they would set some drawings, they drew of him, on his grave and I would begin to cry then start to fiddle with Joel's wedding band that I had on a chain around my neck. They talked to the grave when I heard what sounded like shouting.
Suspicious and curiosity got my attention and I grabbed the boys hands and told them we might need to go. We walked out of the cemetery when Maria comes up to me, looking winded. "(Y/N)..." She said. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "They're back. Tommy, Dina and Ellie. They're back." She said and my eyes widen at this then all of us start to run towards the front gate.
We make it over there and I see Dina, Ellie and Tommy, all of them looked like shit. Dina looked bruised and scratched up in the face but otherwise she looked alright. Ellie had her right arm in a sling, which told me it was broken. And Tommy was worse as he had a patch over his eye and a bandage around his right leg.
Maria runs over to Tommy while Aiden and Ethan run to Ellie and hug her. "Hey..." she said, weakly, to them as she kneels down and hugs them back with her good arm. I go over to her and she looks up at me and stands.
I give her a worried look as she looks disappointed. "I-I tried, (y/n). I really tried but....she...she...got away." Ellie stampers but I go to her and embrace her. "The most important thing is you're alive." I tell her and she starts to sniffle and cry in my shoulder. "It's okay, babygirl." I whispered to her, softly, as I hug her then the boys come up to us.
"Where's Jesse?" I asked Ellie as I look around. She looks up at me with this sad look then looks down. "No..." I said, sadly, then we get down on our knees and get into a group hug, and I hold on to what's left of my family.
2 Years Later
Ethan was sitting on the couch, strumming the guitar, while I was sitting on the couch next to Ethan, helping him to practice his guitar. "Darn it." Ethan grumbles, after messing up a note. "Hey, you'll get it, honey." I assured him. 
He sighs and starts to replay the notes again and got it right. "See? There you go!" I said to him and he smirks a bit. "I just hope I get as good as Ellie....and dad." Ethan said and I give him an encouraging smile. "Oh you will. You just gotta practice and build up your callous." I said and Ethan nods. "That's what Ellie said." He said as he looks down at his little fingers.
Then I look over at Aiden to see him drawing in his notebook. "Whatcha doing, honey?" I asked him. "Drawing." He replied then he picks holds up his notebook and walks over to me. "Oh, what did you draw?" I asked and Aiden hands it to me and my jaw drops a bit.
It was a drawing of a house and six people standing in front of it, all of them smiling. Two little boys, a young girl, an older girl and a man and a woman. "I drew our family. See? That's me and Ethan..." Aiden said as he points at the two boys. "And that's Ellie..." he points at the older looking girl. "And that's Sarah..." he points at the younger girl. "And that's you and daddy." He said as he points at the man and the woman.
Tears form in my eyes and I place my hand over my mouth. "Oh, Aiden...this is wonderful." I said, tearfully, and Aiden smiles a bit then hugs me. "I miss Daddy." Ethan mutters and I look over at him and hold my hand out to him. He sets his guitar down then comes over to me and the three of us hug.
"Me too." Aiden said and tears run down my face. "Don't worry, my darlings'. I miss him too." I said to them as we break the hug. "Why did he die?" Ethan asked me. "I'm not sure, sweetheart." I said, sighing a bit. "Ellie said that it had something to do with some job you and daddy did a few years back." Aiden said and I look over at them then darted my eyes away from them then I sighed. "What you boys need to understand is..."
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and I look towards the door. I walk over to the door, open it and see that it was Tommy. "Hey, Tommy." I greeted. "Hey...can I come in?" He asked me and I nod then opened the door wider for him.
He walks in and Aiden and Ethan walks out into the hallway. "Uncle Tommy!" The boys shouted and they run to him and hug him. "Hey boys. How are you doin'?" Tommy asked them. "Good." They said. 
"So, what's up, Tommy?" I asked as he breaks the embrace and turns to me. "I need to talk to you, privately." He said and I nod. "Uh, boys...go upstairs to your rooms." I said. "Okay, mommy." The boys said and Ethan grabs his guitar and Aiden picks up his notebook and they head upstairs.
Tommy and I exchange a look before I lead him to the kitchen area and we sit down in the chairs. "You doing alright?" I asked him. "Yeah, yeah, I'm...fine." he said. "And Maria? She doing good?" I asked. "Yeah, she's fine. We're..." he stops and scratches at his chest, uncomfortably. "We're actually taking some time apart." He said and my eyes widen at this.
"Tommy, I'm...I'm so sorry." I said, apologetically, but he just waves, vaguely, at me. "Nah, we talked about it a lot, so, uh, it's what we both want." Tommy said and I give him a sympathetic look. "You want me to go talk to her?" I asked. "No, no, no...it's fine. But that's not why I'm here. I got something to show you."  He said and he starts to pull out a map.
"So I've been putting out feelers for months now. And this new guy heard my story. He told me about a woman that he traded with while he was moving through California. Described her as built like an ox." said Tommy and my eyes widen at this then he points along the map. "He said she's living along the coast in a beach sailboat....right here." He said as he points at a part on California. I lean in and see he was pointing at Santa Barbara.
"That's gotta be her." He said then he and I share a look and I start to feel this anger, that I had buried for the last two years, start to rise within me. I let out a heavy sigh before I speak up.
"You haven't told Ellie yet, have you?" I asked him. "No. Once I found out about this, I came straight to you." said Tommy and I nod. "Good." I muttered then I take some deep breathes and let them out. 
"I'll go." I said and Tomny gave me a concerned look. "By yourself?" He asked and I nod. "What about Ellie?" He asked me. "She's been through enough. She's out there living the rest life with Dina and J.J." I said.
"What about Ethan and Aiden?" Tommy asked me. "I can handle it. You and Ellie have said that Abby has been wanting me to come out and face her. Well...I'm done with hiding from her. And I'll make her regret that she wanted to see me." I said, firmly, and Tommy nods. "Okay, if you say so." He said then he stands up.
"You want me to watch over the boys?" Tommy asked me and I nod. "Okay. And Ellie?" He asked and I sighed. "You can tell her if you want or make something up, I don't care. Just make sure to tell her that this is what I wanted." I tell him. "Okay. I'll let you get ready." He said and I nod. 
I head up the stairs and head into my bedroom and start to pack up clothes and weapons for the trip when I look over at the dresser and see the familiar broken watch. I go to grab it and look at it, sadly. I run my thumb over the broken face of the watch when a voice asked. "Are you leaving?"
I turn around and see that it was Ethan at the door. "Yes, baby. Uh, Uncle Tommy has a job for me to do." I said. "When will you been back?" He asked. "I'm not sure. This job could take awhile. Maybe weeks." I said and he gives me a sad look. "I don't want you to die, Mommy." He starts to cry then I kneel down and place a hand on his shoulder. "I won't. I promise you that, okay?" I said and he nods at me.
After packing up some stuff and saying goodbye to my sons, I grab a horse and started to head out and make my way to Santa Barbara.
2 Months Later
I had found the sailboat that Abby was residing in, but she wasn't in it. I look through her things and found a list of addresses and notes. "Where did you go to?" I muttered as I look over the crossed out addresses until I noticed one that wasn't crossed off.
2425 Constance
Then I look through the map of California to cross reference it with the address and found it. "Gotcha." I muttered and I put the map back into my bag and made my way out of the boat and into the beautiful beach. 
I jumped down onto the sand and rolled up the sleeves of the green flannel shirt I was wearing, that was obviously too big for me but I didn't care. It still smelled liked him ​and, strangely, it felt like he was still with me. I look around, trying to figure out how Abby got to the road, until I saw some broken down stairs and made my way there.
I made my way through this neighborhood and squeezed through a gap of a couple of vehicles when I heard a snap and I was yanked up into the air. I screamed and my bag flew off of my back as the rope, which had grabbed my ankle, pulled me up and let me hang in the air.
"Shit." I growled as I started to swing and then I hit a tree, and felt this sharp pain in my side. I screamed in pain and put my hand to my side and felt something warm. I pull my hand back and saw that it was blood. "Fuckin' shit. So fuckin' stupid." I growled in pain and I tried to find any way to get out but nothing.
The blood on my wound started to pour out and I felt myself losing consciousness until I finally closed my eyes.
Eventually, I opened my eyes and see two figures coming towards me, one of them looked very large. "Abby." I whispered. "Abby." I said alittle louder when I didn't get a response. "Is that you?" I asked but then I realized it was two men walking towards me. 
"See? We got a live one." The larger man said to the smaller man and both of them look up at me. "This bitch is fucked up." The smaller man said as they walk closer to me.
The larger man cuts the rope and I fall down to the ground and land on my injured side. I groan and yelp in pain as the smaller man said. "We'll be lucky if she lasts a month." And he unties the rope from around my ankle then turns to his friend. "Can we please just say we're done for the day?" He asked as he backs up and stretches.
"Yeah, yeah. Get that thing down and we'll reset the traps." The larger man said as he walks up to me and kicks me over so I'd be laying on my front instead of my back. "Really, man? I mean, is she worth the trip back? It's not like--" the smaller man started to say but then a loud clicking noise sounded out. The man jumped and screamed as he turned around and saw a Clicker was caught in one of their traps as well.
"Did it get you?" The larger man asked him as the second guy checks his arm, frantically. "No, no...I'm good. I'm good." He said, relieved, and I started laughing.
"Something funny?" The smaller man asked me. "Looks like you shit your pants." I said to him. "The fuck you say?" The man asked me and I start to laugh again. "What a little bitch." I spat. "Oh, you like funny, huh?" The man asked me and he grabs my arm and starts to pull me up to my feet.
"Come on, we don't need this." The larger man said but his friend shook his head. "No way, man. She's fucked up, anyway, come on." The second guy said and he was able to yank me up to my feet. "Please, don't..." I pleaded but he started to drag me closer to the Clicker. "Yeah, it's funny, huh?" He asked me, sarcastically, and he tries to grab my arm but I stomp on his foot then I elbow him in the stomach.
He groans in pain then I grab him and fling him towards the Clicker then it grabs him and bites him. "Holy shit!" The larger man said and he starts to pull out his gun but I take the gun away from his dead friend and shot the larger man in the kneecaps.
The man falls back and I started to walk towards him, gun aiming for him. "Whoa, whoa, you said Abby, right?" He asked, panicked, and I stopped but still had the gun aimed at him. "You're looking for an Abby, right? We picked one up a couple months ago." He said, quickly. "Yeah, sure." I growled and started to place my finger in the trigger.
"No, no, no. Big girl. Blonde? Arms like mine." He said as he points out his muscular arms. My eyes widen a bit and he nods. "Yeah, yeah that's her. You let me go, I'll tell you where she is." He said in between his groans of pain and I glare at him.
"Talk." I commanded, coldly. 
"She's in a holding cell in our camp." He replied. "Where's that?" I asked. "Head that way til you hit the railroad track. That'll lead you to a resort." He replied as he points behind me. "We keep 'em in a tall, round building." He said and I turn behind me to look towards the direction he pointed then back at him.
"I swear." He said, desperately, and I glared at him then I looked towards the Clicker that was still alive, hanging by its ankle, the other guy had fallen over dead. I go and grab my stuff, walk over to the rope and untie it, letting the Clicker fall. Then I aimed the gun towards the larger guy's direction and started firing, catching the Clicker's attention. 
"What are you doing? What are you--?" The guy asked me, panicked, and I start to walk away while I hear the Clicker go towards the man and hear his screams of pain as the Clicker kills him.
After cleaning and sewing up my wound, I make it to the railroad track and climb up in top of one of the train cars and found the tall round building that asshole talked about. And it seemed that these group of people were herding other people inside their compound, all of them were chained together.
"Oh God." I muttered and I start to, quietly, make my way inside. After getting in, I see that they had some infected tied up, like a dog. Smart. I thought but then I go towards the latch. But also very dumb. I thought as I go and unlatch the infected and they start to run off into the camp.
Then I hear the people start freaking out as the infected attack, gunshots soon followed. And I did my best to make my way around these people and down to the building.
After making it inside, I barricade the door and make my way to the basement. I walk towards the cells when someone pops out and attacks me. We struggled for a bit and rolled towards a cell that was full of people. The woman was on top of me and I kick her towards the cell and a couple of people grabbed her and started to choke her out, killing her.
"I got the keys!" One guy exclaimed and he goes to open the cell door. The prisoners get out and go towards a locker, which held their weapons. I scan the crowd but couldn't find the woman that looked like the one in the picture Ellie showed me, that she got during her time in Seattle.
The prisoners started to run but I raised a hand to them. "Where's Abby?" I asked them. "She tried to escape. She's down in the pilars." One guy replied to me. "The pilars?" I said, confused. "Head down to the beach. You won't miss it. She's probably already dead." The man said and I nod and stepped aside for them. "Thank you." The guy said and he and the others run off while I head down the hall and towards the door.
As the gunshots of the war plays off into the distance, I make my way down to the beach and see what the guy was talking about. "Holy..." I mutterd in shock. These sick bastards had several people hanging from a pole by their wrists. Almost in a crucifixion manner.
I walk around the pilars and tried to find her. "Abby!" I called out then I heard a weak voice behind me. I turned around and see a woman, with short blonde hair, tied up to a pole. I walk closer to her as she said, weakly. "Please help me."
I take a good look at her face and realize that this was Abby, which she looked totally different in the picture. Seemed like she lost most of her muscles and she looked tired, probably dehydrated. I couldn't help but feel alittle bit of pity for her.
I sighed then pull out a shiv and cut her down from the pole. She groans in pain but gets up and looks over at me. "Thank you." She said, weakly, then she points towards the side. "There are boats this way." She said and she leads me towards the ocean where there were two old boats.
At this point, I wasn't for sure what to do. Do I go ahead and kill her or let her go? I mean, she's obviously been through hell from staying here and she looked weak. Plus I'm not in the best shape with this wound on my side. Is this right? Am I doing the right thing?
As we get to the boats, she goes to one and I go to the other and set my bag in it. I hissed in pain and placed my hand on my side and pull my hand back and see that it was covered in blood. As I stared at the blood, Joel's bashed up face flashed in my mind's eye and I clenched my fist in anger while I closed my eyes, tightly, at this.
I have to finish this.
I open my eyes and turn to her as she starts to untie her boat off of the post. "I can't let you leave." I said and she stops then turns to me. "What? I-I'm confused...why would you save me, if...." she started to say confused but I talk over her.
"A couple of years ago, you and your asshole friends came to a place called Jackson and you lured a couple of men. And you killed one of them." I said and she keeps giving me that confused look.
"How did you know...?"
"I'm (y/n) Miller." I growled and her eyes widen. "Yeah, you wanted me. Well, you got me." I spat. "Look I don't wanna fight you." She said but I shake my head at her. "Oh because you don't have a shotgun to blow my knees off and a golf club to bash my head in?!" I asked, angrily, then scoffed. "Sorry, I'm here whether you like it or not. You shouldn't have killed my husband!" I yelled at her.
"You and him took my father away from me!" Abby shouts and now it was my turn to be shocked. "What?" I said, confused. Ellie told me that they were former Fireflies but she said they were after us cause we took Ellie away. "Yeah, my father was the doctor at St Mary's." She said.
"So that's what this was about? It wasn't because we took the possible cure for mankind away?" I asked. "Partially. But mostly because you and your fuckin' husband took my dad away." She growls.
"And you took my sons' father away from them!" I spat at her and she looks shocked by this. "Yeah, should've thought of that. You should've stayed the fuck outta Jackson!" I yelled. "I couldn't bear the idea of you and him alive and not suffer the consequences..." Abby said. "Funny...that's how I feel about you..." I growled and she glares at me. She growls then let's out a roar before she runs at me and knocks me down into the water.
The two of us struggle a bit until I grabbed my shiv and sliced at her. She backs off of me then I get up and stabbed her in the arm. She cries out then I pull the shiv out and sliced at her stomach and she falls back.
I go at her but she gets up and pushes me back then she goes to punch me but I dodge her punch and sliced towards her. She grabs my arm and tries to fight it out of my hand but I spin her around and have the blade aim towards her throat, her back to my chest, and I try to stab her but she holds my arm back then elbows me in the stomach.
I yell in pain and let her go as I stumble back. She charges towards me but I hold my ground and we struggled a bit more before I slam her down into the ground. I hover over her and bring down the shiv towards her chest but she holds up my hand, preventing me to stab her.
I put all of my strength into my hands and was able to bring the shiv closer to her chest until it inserted into her skin. She cries out in pain then shoves the blade out of her chest, out of my hand and punches me across the face.
I fall over to the side then get up and the two of us began to throw punches at each other for a few moments until I got a good hit across her face. She falls in the water and, before she could get up, I kick her across the face. She falls back into the water and I get on top of her and begin to hold her down into the water.
She struggles and starts to fight but I punch her a few times in the face and wrap my hands around her neck, holdong her down. She begins flailing her legs but I place my knee on her hips, preventing her from flailing so much. She grabs at my arms but I continue to hold her down, tears started pouring down my face.
As I hold her down, flashes of the memories I had with Joel flashes in my mind. 
The moment we met
Our first date
Our first kiss
The first time we said I love you to each other
The day he proposed 
Our wedding day
The day we lost Sarah
The day we met Ellie and then got her out of that hospital 
The day I told him that I was pregnant with Aiden and Ethan
And the one of the last things that came up was my last moments with him.
"I'll be back in a few hours." He said. "You better." I said and Joel chuckles before he comes up to me, leans down and kisses me. "Please be careful." I whispered to him. "Always." He mutters then gives me a quick kiss on the lips again before he walks over to his brother. "Hey." I said and he turns to me. "I love you." I said and he smiles. "Love you, too." He said and I smiled as he goes over to Tommy.
Then the last thing that came into my mind was of him laying down next to me on our bed, smiling at me.
I let out a loud, angry cry and I squeezed Abby's throat tighter until she finally stopped moving and I could see, through the water, her eyes rolling back. I stand over her for a few more moments, making sure she was dead, and I finally let go of her neck then I began to cry and sob at this.
I fall on my side into the water and just let every emotions I had build up for the last two years out. Every sadness and every anger I had built up burst out of me as I curl up in a ball and hold myself.
Even though I'm relieved she's dead, why do I feel so...empty? So numb? Like this was all meant for nothing?
Few Weeks Later
"Holy shit! That's (y/n)! Get the gates open!" A voice shouted as I make it to the front gates of Jackson. The large doors open and I slowly walk through them and I give a wave towards the people that opened the doors. I hear then shout some sort've command but I ignore them and start to make my way to my house.
I walk towards the front door, open it, enter through the door and shut it just as I hear footsteps and two little heads peek around the doorway of the living room. "MOMMY!" Aiden and Ethan shouted, happily, and they run to me. I kneel down and opened my arms and they run into my embrace and I hug them, tightly.
"Hey, my darlings." I whispered then I heard another set of footsteps. I look up and see that it was Ellie. "(Y/n)..." she said, shocked, and I smile a bit at her. "Hey, babygirl." I said as I pull out of the boys embrace then stand up.
Ellie runs to me and hugs me and I wrap my arms around her. "I-I was so scared." She whispered and she pulls back to look at me. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Tommy told me what you were doing and that you wanted me to stay behind. So I thought I could help him watch the boys while you were gone." She said and I give her a concerned look.
"What about Dina and J.J.?" I asked her. "Dina was fine with this. She understood. Tommy is supposed to be back here in a few and then I was supposed to head back home. But since you're back..." she said and my lips twitched into a smirk.
"Sooo...did you..." she started to asked and I sigh. "I did." I replied. "And?" Ellie asked. "We don't have to worry about her anymore." I said in a cold voice and her eyes widen at this. "Oh." She said, realizing what I meant, and I nod.
"Still you should've had me come with you." She said, folding her arms across her chest. "I didn't want Tommy to disrupt your life. You deserve all the happiness you get, Ellie." I tell her. "But he could disrupt your life?" Ellie asked, angrily. "My life was already disrupted the moment I saw Joel's body at that cabin." I replied and she gives me a sad look.
I look down at the boys, who looked a bit sad, but I lean down and kiss their heads before I walk towards the dining area and sit down in a chair. I groan slightly at this and hold my side, Ellie took notice of this. "You okay?" She asked me. "Yeah, fine. Just still sore." I replied.
"Well, I'm glad you're not dead." Ellie said, giving a small smirk, and I chuckle. "Yeah, me too." I said. "H-H-How did it feel? When you...?" She asked and I look down as I try to think of my next words. 
But then a knock at the door startled my thoughts and Ellie and I exchange looks. "I'll get it." She said and she gets up and heads to the front door. I hear voices then footsteps and Ellie and Tommy come in. "Oh thank God!" Tommy said, relieved, and I smiled at him. "Hey, Tommy." I greeted, softly, then he comes up, kneels down and hugs me and I hug him back.
"How did it go?" Tommy asked me as he takes a seat and Ellie takes the seat next to him, Aiden and Ethan sitting across from them. "I found her." I said, breathless, and Tommy looks at me. "And?" He asked me, the same manner that Ellie asked, and I sigh. "She's gone." I said then I look over to Ellie. "And to answer your question, Ellie...to be honest, I really don't know what to feel." I said and the two give me a confused look.
"When I killed Abby, it was like something took control over me and when the moment happened, I blacked out. But I would see flashes of Joel when it happened, like all of our time we spent together. And when I saw the life fade from her eyes, I felt...relieved and sad. I was glad that she won’t harm anymore people, that I love, ever again..." I stop and bite my lips and my hand starts to shake a bit.
"But I felt like I already lost. Losing Joel was the worst moment that has ever happened in my life...and now he won’t get the chance to see you and the boys grow up." I stopped then I place my hand on Joel's wedding ring, which was still around my neck, and fiddle with it as I start to choke up again.
I place my left hand over my face and begin to cry. I hear footsteps and felt arms around me and I set my hand down to see that Ellie and my sons had come over and hugged me while I felt Tommy's hand over mine. "I'm sorry." Tommy said as I continue to cry.
So I've become the bringer of death
A lover of life
The one who guards from the dark of the night
I'll be the hammer of war
Justice and mercy don't live side by side
So in retribution, I abide
I'll tip the scales to justice's end, but can it make amends?
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We Pulled A Barry Allen, Bloody Hell.
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|| Hope's Point of View ||
I shoot up, gasping for breath and immedately looking at my surroundings.
We're in Mystic Falls. The big oak tree to be exact... I remember it from when Lizzie had the Oni in her and was slowly going insane. "Good times". I continue to look around, before realizing how dark it is. Is it night time? School was just happening. What the hell made us pass out? I stand up, embers floating around all three of us.
I walk towards Lizzie and Josie, and see if their awake. At my touch Lizzie startles awake, hand rushing up to her chest as she looks at me.
"Hope! You gave me a damn heart attack!" She is taking deep breaths, calming down, before looking around. "Wait, where are we?"
"We are in the park, in the middle of town Lizzie. Now, stop hitting me and help me wake your sister."
Lizzie reluctanly stood up, and walk over to her sisters sleeping body. We wake Josie up, who was by far less startled. As soon as Josie stands up, we hear a scream.
That was suddenly cut off.
"Fuck..." I whisper, before taking off towards the source of the scream, Lizzie and Josie running right after me.
We slowly approach the source, we found two-probably dead-bodies. One male and One female. One was on top of the hood of the car and the other was a bit further down the road. Both with two teeth marks in their necks.
The teeth marks of a vampire.
"Crap..." Josies says.
"When can I get these mudy clothes off?"
"Lizzie!" Me and Josie shout.
|| 2 hours later ||
We walked to the old mill, figuring that the old mill would be a safe enough place to sleep for a while. I take watch first so I watch as the two sleep. I hear movement in the distance, so with one last look back at the girls, I walk towards the movement to see what it was.
I see a man with raven hair and a blue ring on his finger.
"Who the hell are you?" The raven haired man asks.
"The better question is who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing out here."
"Oh, you know. Just walking around. Looking for a bite to eat. Maybe a place to stay for the night. Where are you staying"
"Tell me your name and then we can talk, Raven Boy."
"If you must know, my name is Damon. Damon Salvatore."
"Like the founding family?"
"Yep. Exactly like them. Your turn girly. Whats your name?"
"Hope."
"What a cliche name. I mean Hope?"
"Quiet, Raven Damon."
"Hey! I give the nicknames!"
"Would you rather me call you "vampire"?"
That makes him stop dead in his tracks. He isn't doing anything but looking straight at me. All the humor drained from his face.
"What... in the hell... did you just say to me?"
"I said that you were a vampire. I mean come on, in all black, walking around at night. The night we- I found two dead bodys with two holes, bite marks, in the necks, drained of blood."
"Who are you? No wait. What, the hell are you?"
He takes a few steps towards me, glaring. I bring my hand up and start to give him an anuerysm. He grips his head in pain.
"Witch Bitch... good to know."
"Now, are you so sure you want to eat me?" Hold up... He said his name was Damon. Damon Salvatore. Meaning the very human, married, with children, Damon. Salvatore.
"What day is it?"
"Sebtember 10th. 2009. Why, don't you know your dates Hopey?"
Think Hope, think. You've read his brother's journels. You should know what's happening now. This was just a little bit before Dad came to town. I've read these journels a million times...
Katherine Pierce.
Damon Salvatore is in love with her. He think she's in the tomb. He's going to try and get her out... I can use that to my advantage.
"Not the point. So are you going to kill me , or would you rather have my help to get the love of your life Katherine out?"
"How the fucking hell do you know about that?"
"Did you forget that I'm a witch, or are you just an idiot?"
"Alright fine. I'll make you a deal. I won't kill you, and you help me find Kathrine. Deal?"
"Only if you don't kill my friends either."
"You have friends. Shocker."
"A least I have more then you. Deal or no deal?"
"Deal Hopey. Are your friends by chance witches, or warlocks I don't descrimiate, too?"
"Why?"
"We need all the help we can get." Oh, so he doesn't believe I could do it myself. Rude.
"Yeah. Their witches."
"Great. Now, where are we sleeping?"
After I look into the back of my head because of how hard I rolled my eyes, I gathered the strength to reply. "Follow me. It's not the best, but it's the best we could do on the sort notice we had."
"What did you just magically apper in town?"
"Something like that."
"Ok. Cryptic girl. Anything else?"
" We are all underage girls. Lay a hand on anyone of us we will kill you ."
"I won't unless they want me to."
"No, you won't at all, because then I will kill you." I warn, giving him a sweet smile.
We just continue to walk in silence. When we get to the mill, I raise my hand and put a finger over my lips. He just rolls his eyes.
What is it about him that makes me want to kick him in the face? Or drop him off a building? Or just kill him?
We quietly walk inside, finding Josie sitting there by her sister, who was still sleeping soundly.
"Hey Jo... This is Damon Salvatore..." I whisper to her.
"What? How did you find him? Why did you bring him here? Why-" To quickly cut her off, I put a hand over her mouth.
"So. You both know who I am now, who are your friends Hopey?"
"Friends." was all I said.
I walk over to wake Lizzie up. Again, she didn't want to wake up. Again, she started attacking me with her eyes closed.
"Lizzie. Up. Please."
She grumbles, slowly sitting up and rubbing her eyes to wake up. When she see Damon her eyes widened.
"Quiet" I whisper to her. "I'll explain later."
"What are you two whispering about? You know it isn't polite."
"Shut up."
"Well then, I can see you don't have a house, unless you try and convince me this run down mill is a home. And your minors, I remember you telling me that for a fact Hopey, so shouldn't your asses be in school?"
"Yeah, but we don't have transcripts or anything so we can't go. And we don't have any damn money for a house or apartment." Lizzie states, just staring at Damon in confusion.
"Well ladies, that the beautie of compulsion. I can have you in school and get you a house by the morning. As long, of course, you follow up on your part of the deal."
"Wow. Thanks." I say, rolling my eyes for the fifth time today.
|| The Next Day ||
I slowly open my eyes, feeling comfy and warm in a bed. I really should thank Damon.
But will I?
Nope! But, compulsion is now my new favorite thing. And this bed is so damn soft, I could never leave.
Unfortuantely, I already hear Lizzie and Josie up downstairs so, slowly I get up. I get dress in a new outfit Damon had kindly gotten us as well.
Damon had also kindley gotten us backpack and school supplies, I can already see some humanity left in Damon even he suppositly turn it off. I guess Stefan's journels were right.
I slowly walk downstairs, seeing the girls just eating fruit at the counter. I grab an apple and look at them.
"Well, we should get to school, shouldn't we?" I suggest, eating a few more bites.
"Ladies first." Lizzie says, standing up and walking out the door. I hear Jo laugh as I shake my head, before we follow her outside.
As soon as we got to the school, we saw the Elena Gilbert and The Bonnie Bennett standing in front of the office. I snuck a peack inside and saw The Stefan Salvatore. Then I herad Elena and Bonnie start to talk with my werewolf hearing, me and the girls just standing by a locker..
"Hold up. Who's this?" Bonnie asks.
"All I see is back." Elena responds.
"It's a hot back."
They stand there watching for a minute, then Bonnie decides to speak up.
"I'm sensing Seattle, and he plays the guitar."
Elena scoffs. "You're really going to run this whole psychic thing into the ground, huh?"
"Pretty much"
"What are they saying?!" Lizzie says, snapping me out of my consentration to listen to them.
"Shut up, I'm trying to listen."
Thats when I spot Jeremey Gilbert heading into the boys bathroom after a kid had told him, "Jermey, good batch man."
"I'll be right back" Elena says and follow Jeremy into the bathroom.
After Elena left Bonnie mumbled "Please be hot." at Stefan.
"What did your mom see in these people?" I ask sarcastrically.
"What happened?!" Lizzie demands.
"Okay, yes, I want to know too--" Josie agrees.
"Well, first Elena and Bonnie made comments about Stefan and how he was hot. Then, Elena went after her brother because someone told him he made good drugs and such."
"Okay, yeah, I agree with you." Lizzie says, Josie laughing beside her.
"Quiet, both of you. We have to get our schedules." Josies says, getting us to focus again.
"Yeah, sorry."
We walk into the office, talking to the lady at the desk to get our schedules. We all only have one class together each. History with the infamous Mr. Tanner. Again, I remember him from Stefan's journels. Yay. This will be so fun. We go about our days until it is finally time for lunch. Then we all sit down at the table together and start to talk about a game plan and what the hell happened.
"So where are we. I mean our mom's like 17 and our dad hasen't even moved to town yet." Josie spoke first, writing things down in a notebook.
"Last night, I asked Damon what date it was, because he is a vampire and we know for a fact that isn't the case because he took the cure to be with Elena, and now have kids. So , you know, I thought about how shitty our lives are and it clicked, so I asked him what the date was. He replied that it was 2009. That means time travel. And we're probably the Barry Allens of this story. But, also, let's not Nora ourselves out of existance."
"And that wasn't even the craziest thing to happen last night."
"What happened Lizze?" Josie asked worry evident in her voice. I look over at Lizzie too, watching her face which only shows horror.
"I got mud on my awesome outfit! I would never do that!"
"What the hell Lizzie! We're in fucking 2009 and all you can think about is the fact that your outfit had mud on it?" I stare at her, debating hurting her, as I grit my teeth. I mean we fucking time traveled and she only cares about her damn outfit! What the hell kinda person is that?
"Yeah, well maybe some of us don't usually have as big of damn problems as you!"
"Alright! Enough! Stop fighting please, and just head to class."
|| A little while later || Mr. Tanner's class ||
We were all heading for the same classroom. I still was determined not to talk to Lizzie so when we bump into each other trying to get through the door, we just glare at each other. Josie walks ahead of us and opens the door, walking in first.
"Ahh, more little devils for this period. And you three are?"
"I'm Josie, and my sister's are Hope and Lizzie." Josie speaks up.
"Would you happen to have a last name, girls?"
"Marshall." I quickly say, cutting off Lizzie who tried to speak before me.
"Marshall. Alright Marshalls, sit down in empty seats."
We all head to three diffrent seats. But knowing my luck, I got put closer to Lizzie then I would like at this time.
"Marshall?" Lizzie whispers over to me, eye still showing anger.
"Yeah, that way, when our familys move to town we won't be asked about our names."
"Isn't it still your mom's name?"
"Yeah, but it's more likely to be a coincidence then if we were Mikaelson's or Saltzman's. It's a more common last name."
"Fine."
After that Stefan Salvatore walks into the class room. He, surprisly didn't get as many questions from Mr. Tanner as we did.  He just walked to his seat without any questions. Lucky.
Then Mr. Tanner started to drone on about the civil war. I would enjoy learning about this, but with everything going on, I'm not so intrested. That and I already learned everything there is to know about this. Thats why it helps to have a 1,000 year old family.
"Once our home state of Virgina joined the Confederacy in 1861, it created a tremendous amout of tension within the state People in Virginia's northwest region had diffrent ideals than those for the traditional deep south. Then Virginia divided in 1863--" Time to ignore him and think about my problems instead.
Ha, maybe this won't be as different from the Salvatore school as I thought.
I start to look around the room, trying to find out more. Stefan's journels only had his point of view. This way, I can learn more about... everything. I looked over at the famous Elena Gilbert, who was looking at the other famous Stefan Salavtore. He also looked at her. What a damn 'Love at first sight' story this is.
Thats when Bonnie takes out her phone, and starts to type something into it. Not too long after, Elena's phone goes off. So Bonnie was texting her. How fun. How the hell would you even work one of those phones. I'm guessing that they started to gosip about Stefan Salvatore. I swear, it's like this is a damn TV show version of Twilight. At least for the 'love at first sight' aspect. Vampires, thank god, don't sparkle.
After a lot more of civil war talk, and the bell rings. At that we all get up and head to the next class. And then the rest of the day goes by like any normal school day. Or what would be a normal school day if I didn't have to sit through classes with people that we were taught at school about and was owned and taught us about all of this. Isn't awkward at all.
When the final bell rings, I run out of the room to find Lizzie and Josie who are by their lockers. I grab them and start walking away. Lucky for me, I don't have to stop at my locker so I just start dragging them home. I ignore the fact that Lizzie is complaining the whole way, as I was planning her death in my head instead of paying attention.
When we get there I sit them down on the couch.
"Alright. We need a game plan. We are Fre-emies to Damon. We help him, he helps us. We are going to high school, with your mom and her friends, and that's about it. Now that we recaped, we need to talk about what we have to do."
"How about, we look into ways to time travel, that might actually work and are real, while also looking for monsters that might have the ability to time travel. Maybe find Malivore and see if it is spiting out any monsters now?" Josie suggests.
"That sounds great. We can search the library during our free periods." I say.
"Sounds great. Now I'm going to go anywhere else. Like literally anywhere else." Lizzie says before walking out.
"Lizzie we need more of a plan--"
"And I need a break. Bye-bye!" Lizzie tells me, walking up the stairs of the house and disapearing from view.
I roll my eyes and take a deep breath. "So, Jo, what do you want to do?"
"How about we go to the grill? Get the milkshake you always like. What was it?"
"Peanut-Butter Blast with whip cream on the bottom."
"Yeah! Thats it. Lets go. Lizzie can have some time to herself, and we could get delicious milkshakes."
|| At Mystic Grill ||
Me and Josie were sitting down at a table, just chatting about random things as we wait to order.
Our waitress, as luck would have it, would be Vicki Donovan.
"What would you guys like to drink?"
"We will have two Peant-Butter Blasts with whip cream on the bottom." Josie says.
"Coming right up."
"Was that who I think it was?" Josie whispers over, while watching Vicki who just brought drinks over to Matt, her brother, Donovan and Tyler Woofwood, sorry Lockwood.
"Yeah. The Vicki Donovan. Doesn't she die in a few days?"
"Yeah. Damon kill's her I'm  pretty sure."
"No, it was Stefan to save Elena's life. I remember reading about it in his journal. Stake through the heart. I feel bad for her... Although, Damon does kill her to turn her."
Still watching Vicki we see Jeremy walk over and start talking to her. Not long after that conversation finishes, Caroline and Bonnie walk in. I point them out to Josie, and start listening into their conversation. It helped that they were talking so loud. I mean they are acting ike their on a TV show.
"His name is Stefan Salvatore. He lives with his uncle at the old Salvatore Boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid. Military family, so they moved around a lot.  He's a Gemini, and his favorite color is blue."
"You got all that in one day?" Bonnie replies.
"Oh, please, I got that between third and fourth period. We're planning a June Wedding." Hah, they did have a June wedding. To bad, he also died the same day.
At that Caroline walks off, Bonnie following a few minutes later.
Then after that there was just gossip, so we stopped eavesdropping.
"June wedding huh." I say to Josie, laughing a little.
"Shhhhhhh. We don't wanna talk about that."
"But she just predicted what would happen in the future. It's kinda funny."
"No because Stefan dies the same day!"
"You don't think I know that? That wasn't what was funny. Don't worry."
After that we sat there talking and drinking our shakes. Vicki came back a little later and we got some fries. That when I heard Matt Donovan say something that peaked my intrest so I pointed over to them and I started listening in again, using my werewolf hearing.
"How's Elena doing?" Matt asks. Poor love sick teenage boy.
"Her mom and dad died. How do you think?" Bonnie points out to Matt.
"She's putting on a good face but it's only been four months."
"Has she said anything about me?" Poor, poor forever human, Matt Donovan.
"Oh, no. So not getting in the middle. You can pick up the phone and call her."
"I feel weird calling her. She broke up with me."
"Give it more time, Matt."
"What's happening?" Jo asks me.
"Matt Donovan is love sick over Elena and Bonnie isn't getting in the middle of it."
And again, with perfect timing, Elena and Stefan walk into the Grill. I swear they were on a TV show.
Everyone turns around and looks at them when they walk into the Grill.
"More time, huh?" Poor Matt. He never stood a chance with the girl when Stefan moved to town, especially when Stefan's brother followed.
After that Matt stands up and walks away from Bonnie and toward the couple of the hour, Stefan and Elena.
"Hey, I'm Matt, nice to meet you."
"Hi. Stefan." He says while they shake hands.
"Hey."
"Hey."
That wasn't awkward at all. The two of them (Elena and Stefan) walk over to where Caroline and Bonnie were.
"So, you were born in Mystic Falls?" Caroline asks.
"Mm-hmm. And moved when I was still young." If by young you mean before you were over a hundred, then yeah. I'd agree.
"Parents?" Bonnie asked.
"My parents passed away." Didn't he kill his dad? And his mother is alive in a prison world? I mean he thought she was dead, but still. Passed away doesn't even begin to explain it.
"I'm sorry." Elena says. "Any siblings?"
"None that I talk to." I forgot how bad of brothers they were at this point. "I live with my uncle."
"So, Stefan, if you're new you don't know about the party tomorrow." Wow. I can't ever see Headmistress Caroline as a partier.
"It's a back to school thing at The Falls." Bonnie adds.
"Are you going?" Stefan asks Elena. Wow. This really was a 'love at first sight' thing. To much for my liking. What is this, a TV show?
"Of course she is." Bonnie replies for Elena. What a good friend.
Lizzie than walks into the grill and comes to sit at our table.
"There is nothing to do in this town. I miss The Salvatore school."
"Don't we all." Josie responds.
"So, I heard that there was a party. It's a back to school thing-"
At that I cut Lizzie off.
"We know."
"Ok, well great. We're all going. Because it's the only thing to do in this town. And no Hope, your coming too."
I just sigh and 'lay' down in my seat. This was going to be a long night. Scratch that. A long time before we get home.
|| The Next Day, At School, In History||
"The battle of willow creek took place right qat te end of the war in our very own Mystic falls. How many casualties resulted in this battle? Ms. Bennett?"
"Um... A lot? I'm not sure. Like a whole lot.
"Cute becomes dumb in an instant, Ms. Bennett.  Mr. Donovan. Would you like to take this opportunity to overcome your rmbrddrd jock stereotype?"
"It's ok, Mr. Tanner, I'm cool with it."
"Hmm. Elena? Surely you can enlighten us about one of the town's most significantly historical events?"
"I'm sorry, I-- I don't know."
"I was willing to be lenient last year for obvious reason, Elena, but the personal excuses ended with summer break." I inhale quickly, trying not to light something on fire.
"Four months isn't enough time for someone to grieve. Get your head out of your ass, and let someone who lost not one, but two people on the same day, deal with it." I glare at him. Four months is definetly not enough time to get better after one lose, let alone two. I should know, I lost three within... a month? Two?
After I went on my little rant I heard a few cheers while Mr. Tanner glares right back at me. Then Stefan speaks up.
"There were 346 casualties, unless you're counting local civilians."
"That's correct. Mister...?"
"Salvatore."
"Salavtore. Any relation to the original settlers here in Mystic Falls?"
"Distant."
"Well, very good. Except, of course, there were no civilian casualties in this battle."
"Actually, there were 27, sir. Confederate soldiers, they fired on the church,believing it to be housing weapons. They were wrong. It was a night of great loss. The founder's archives are, uh, stored in civil hall if you'd like to brush up on your facts. Mr. Tanner."
Before he even finishes the whole class is pretty much chuckling about him showing up the teacher.
All Mr. Tanner could say to that was an "Hmm."
Good for you Stefan.
|| Later at the party ||
All three of us arive at the party, Lizzie the most excited. Everyone was already there, because we arrived a little late, so we just grabed a beer and started our separate ways. I start walking toward a tree stump on the ground by the entrence. We see Stefan start to walk up to the party. He's looking around for someone, probably Elena.
Before he walks away though he notices me.
"Hey, your the girl who stood up for Elena right?"
"Wouldn't exactly call it standing up for her, as I was sitting down, but yeah... My name's Hope."
"Stefan. I just wanted to say that I thought what you did was really cool. You know standin-- sitting for Elena." He smiles, before sitting down next to me.
"Well, I mean she only lost her parents four months ago. He was speaking like it was ten years ago. I know I wasn't over my parents deaths four months later."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. My parents died a while ago too."
"I'm sorry for your loss then."
"You too..." We sit there in a comfortable silence for a little while, Stefan looking around the party. Not too long later, he spots Elena, or probably listens for her, and finds her with Bonnie.
"Go on Lover-Boy. Go get your dream girl."
"I wasn't- I-"
"Go! You don't want to miss her."
With that he looks over at me, smiles, before standing up and walking over to her. Josie comes and sits next to me.
"Was that you talking to him?"
I noded, smiling at her.
"Cool. I only meet him a few times and I don't remember most of them, so you meet a walking Legend. Awesome."
We both look up and see Stefan and Caroline talking.
"You wanna do more eavesdropping?" I suggest.
"No, no, no. We shouldn't." Jo says, but I smirk at her, standing up and walking towards the two, hearing on.
"Hey! You made it!"
"I did."
"Well let's get you a drink."
"Well, I'm--"
"Oh, come on."
After they walk off, I look around and spot Lizzie. I look over at Jo and motion towards her sister, before slowly walking over to her.
"Hey, you ok?"
"Yep." She says before walking off.
"What's up with her?" I mouth to Josie, Josie just shrugging.
|| Josie's POV ||
I walk over toward Lizzie who is sitting down on the ground, her head inbetween her knees. Even over the loud music from the party, you could hear sniffles.
"Hey Liz. You ok?"
"Yup. Just fine."
"Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
"No."
"Lizzieeeeeeeeeeeee..." I say walking over to sit down next to her, criss cross apple sauce.
"No Jo. Not now."
"Lizzieeeeeeeeeeeee..." I say again.
"Jo, you can't help me."
"Sometime's talking about it helps."
"No Jo."
"Lizzie, you know you can tell me anything right? I will know how you feel. I've felt it before too."
"Do you know how I feel Jo? What this feeling is like? I feel like I'm going to go screw things up. I saw mom a lot today, and I wanted to go talk with her, but I was so scared that I would do something wrong, and mess up any chances I have to talk to her. And that's the best thing of all the downsides. I could have made it so we were never born!" She says tears streaming down her face.
"I could have made it so you were never born." She whispers.
"Oh, Lizzie..." I hug her from here she sits on the ground. "It's ok. You won't screw things up."
"You don't know that."
"I do. I trust you. And I know you have so much more potential to do good, and that you could go up and talk to mom and become her favorite person, even without her knowing that your her daughter. And that she won't love anyone more when she does."
"Thanks Jo." She sniffles, hugging me tighter.
|| Meanwhile || Hope's POV ||
I was walking around the party, beer in hand, when I hears Caroline, Matt, and Bonnie talking, while they look up on the bridge where Elena and Stefan are. Caroline spots me and runs over to me, grabing my hand to stop me from moving.
"Hey your one of the new girls right?"
"Yeah. That would be me."
"You're Hope, right? I'm Caroline. You seem to be all alone, which is no way to spend a party. Want to hang out with me and my friends?"
"I- um- I wouldn't-" Before I could even finish the sentence, she grabs my arm and brings me over to her friends, and I decide not to complain or anything. Easiest way to easedrop, be around the people. I feel like a spy.
"Hey Matt! Bonnie! This is Hope. She's one of the new girls!" Caroline introduces me, as I just smile at the two.
"Oh! Cool! Your in our History class right?" Bonnie asks.
"Yeah, she is because she gave Tanner that sass comment about Elena. That was awesome by the way. Not a lot of people would stand up for someone like that." Matt says before I could respond to Bonnie.
"Thanks. I just never like when teachers think that they are more important than what  is going on in the kids life. They could be having a really hard time, and not able to do most of the stuff they ask. And four months isn't enough time to grieve."
"Wow. You must be, like, a really good person." Caroline says.
"That is definitely debatable..." I laugh to myself, looking down at my beer.
After that we have just a bunch of chit-chat and small talk until after long Matt walks off, the Caroline. And... I can see she walked over to Stefan.
"That's not going to go well." I mumble
"Definitely not." Bonnie adds.
After a while, Caroline walked back over and immedately started to complain about the interaction with Stefan, saying how guys never go for her, but she gets cut off when Jeremy and Elena come running up from the woods, with Vicki in Jermey's hands. With a bite mark on her kneck.
The bite mark of a vampire.
Stefan quickly rushes a way, before the police show up.
And, eventually, the police show up with an ambulence for Vicki. Matt get's in the back with her, not wanting to leave his sister's side. I look around for Lizzie and Josie and I find them still sitting where Lizzie walked off to before. I look at them and they look at me, all three sharing the knowing look.
I'm heading with Caroline and Bonnie to the grill to get some coffee and wait for news on Vicki, trying to see if us being here changes anything.
Me, Bonnie, and Caroline get to the grill and I use the 'new' phone Damon got me and attempted to text the twins, with a little help from Bonnie who thankfully didn't ask as to why I didn't know how to use the phone.
|| A little while later || At the Grill ||
Me, Bonnie, and Caroline all are still at the grill in silence, sipping on our drinks every now and then, when I see Lizzie and Josie walk in. They grab a table by us and I just stare at the and try to comunicate without words, when Bonnie speaks up, and snaps me out of my consentration.
"Are you sober yet?"
"No"
"Keep drinking. I gotta get you home. I gotta get Hope home. I gotta get me home."
"Why didn't he go for me? You know, how come the guys that I want never want me?"
"I'm not touching that." Bonnie says, Caroline looking at me.
"Oh, nope not talking about that." I quickly say, Caroline looking frustrated.
"I'm inappropriate. I always say the wrong thing. And Elena always says the right thing. She doesn't even try! An he just picks her.  And she's always the one that everyone picks, for everything. And I try so hard, and i'm never the one ."
"It's not a competition, Caroline." Bonnie and I say at the same time, both trying to help Caroline.
"Yeah, it is."
At that we all just go back to sitting in silence. A little while later Bonnie had to go, and I gollowed soon after meeting Josie outside.
"Hey Jo. Where's Lizzie?"
"She'll be out in a minute."
|| Lizzie's POV ||
I look over where Mom was sitting. I see her send a small-- Nevermind. A big smile towards Damon Salvatore. Before they could even start talking, I sat down at Mom's table.
"Caroline, just because you don't get all the guys, doesn't mean your a failure. It just means not everything is working out for you. And if a guy turns you down, then he's the one with a problem. Not you. Your one of the best people there is out there. And if they can't see that, screw them. Most guy's are douches anyway." I say before I walk off towards Jo and Hope.
That felt really good. I got to talk to her... A teenage mom. I got to help her, or at least attempt to help her as she has many times before for me a Jo. Let's just hope that, you know, me and Josie are still born...
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kenzieam · 4 years
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Kenzieam Masterlist
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ALL MY STORIES ARE RATED ‘M’ AND CONTAIN (TO SOME EXTENT): VIOLENCE, BAD LANGUAGE, LOTS OF SMUT AND ADULT SUBJECTS.  
**MANY ALSO CONTAIN TRIGGER WARNINGS, PLEASE READ ALL WARNINGS CAREFULLY**
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ERIC AND FOX
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Eric & Fox Trilogy
FIRE FOX - The Original. A new transfer from Amity, Fox is part of the new group of Dauntless initiates. She's harboring major secrets and has a serious chip on her shoulder. She immediately catches the eye of her inscrutable instructor, Eric. He's fire, she's fire; will they survive if they collide?
Chapter One - Two- Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven
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EMBERS AND ASH - The sequel to 'Fire Fox', a continuation of Eric and Fox's story. Someone from Fox's past comes back and wants their pound of flesh. Will Fox survive? Will Eric survive without her?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine
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PHOENIX RISING - The continuation of Eric and Fox. The sequel to Embers and Ash. Pregnancy has a few surprises in store for Fox and Eric is involved in a horrific accident...will he live to see his family grow?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen - Fourteen - Fifteen - Sixteen - Seventeen
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Eric’s POV
Through the Eyes of the Predator - This is Eric's POV as Fox arrives at Dauntless as a new initiate. What does he think of the mysterious redhead from Amity? Does he even realize she's stolen his heart until it's too late?
Chapter One - Two
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I Never Thought I’d Be Here - Fox and Eric's wedding from the big guy's POV.
Chapter One - Two
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Eric and Fox Standalone Series
Dauntless, Candor or Cut - Fox is dared to spend 'Seven Minutes in Heaven' with Eric during a game of Dauntless or Candor. An alternate story-line for Eric and Fox.
Pier Confessions - Eric and Fox are trapped together out at Navy Pier after an injured Fox misses the train.
The Experiment - Eric and Fox are ordered to participate in a controversial breeding program proposed by the Factions to increase the population, but they absolutely hate each other, will this experiment bring them together or tear everything apart?
Chapter One - Two -Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight
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Highest Bidder - Fox agrees to be auctioned off as a date for a Dauntless charity and ends up being won by the one man in Dauntless she didn't want. Things get a little heated before they heat up.
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four
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Amity Confidential - Eric and Fox are just regular friends and coworkers when they get 'volunteered' to attend the infamous 'Summer Love' festival in Amity. Things go sideways in a hurry and Eric and Fox are suddenly confronted with emotions they thought they'd hidden even from themselves.
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven
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The Right Wrong Choice - Fox is a shy Candor who gets so nervous at her choosing ceremony (presided over by our favourite murderous babysitter) that she accidentally chooses the wrong faction. She and Eric are immediately at odds, will they kiss or kill each other?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven (Eric’s Story)
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Deep Inside You  - A smutty little oneshot featuring my favourites: Eric and Fox. Basically a Porn Without a Plot.
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Regret - Fox is married to Eric's older brother, Ethan and on the surface, it looks like the perfect relationship, but underneath it all, darkness lies. Fox is sleeping with Eric behind his back, and Ethan is not the perfect man everyone thinks he is; will they survive his rage when he finds out?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven
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Eric’s Letter - Eric writes a letter to his love during a dark time of his life.
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Lost Girl - Fox has been missing for two years, since her last mission went bad. Then, Eric receives news that she's been found. But she's a completely different person, who doesn't remember her relationship with him and has been conditioned to hate both Dauntless and Eric. Can he break through to her?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine
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My Eric Headcanon: Eric’s Sexual Kinks and Preferences
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Trick or Treat - An Eric and Fox Halloween Oneshot
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You and Me and the Devil Makes Three - Eric and Fox hate each other, but since they’re co-workers, Max banishes them to a remote Amity cabin with the order to stay until they can get along... they’re either going to end up engaged or dead....
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six
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Alone in the Dark (In Progress) - A new virus starts decimating the factions and those that survive start showing frightening side-effects....
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven -  Twelve (Eric Alone)
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The Reaper and the Vixen - An AU with Biker!Eric X Fox and all the troubles that try to keep them apart.
Chapter One - Two (Fox’s Secret) - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - The Final Chapter
Reader “I’m a Gonna Try” Requests
Request One - Jai as a big, tough biker
Request Two - ‘Like a Virgin’
Request Three - Kyle Reese fluff
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IVAR AND SERA
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The Return of the Viking Daughter - AU Vikings story. The Lothbrok brothers were always Sera's neighbours growing up, but a devastating revelation when Sera's sixteen tears them apart for years. What will happen when she returns, and realizes that Ivar loved her then, and still loves her now?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve
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Sera Shadow - Ragnar returns to Kattegat with someone new, someone who catches the eye of his youngest son.
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven
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Shadows and Ghosts - The continuation of Sera Shadow
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Alternate Ending A - Alternate Ending B
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Stars and Shadows (In Progress) - AU Vikings. Teenage Sera meets teenage Ivar and sparks fly, but her new stepfather, Harald Black, doesn’t approve.
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven
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BUCKY AND LEVI
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The Call of the Void - What happens if Natasha's sister isn't really dead, like the Black Widow thought? What if she was trained to track and kill the Winter Soldier but was abandoned by HYDRA when her experiment went awry and the Avengers release her from cyrofreeze?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven
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Surrender to the Call (In Progress) - The sequel to "The Call of the Void." Levi has been retaken by HYDRA and Bucky is desperate to find her before they destroy her completely. Can the team find Levi while there is still something left to save?
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven
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It’s Time - AU. Five years ago, Levi left; heartbroken and vowing never to return. Now, family calls her back. She's not ready to face the reason she left and she's definitely not ready for the emotions a certain dark-haired man still stir in her.
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five
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Full Circle - The sequel to It’s Time, with Lev reaching the end of her pregnancy; but will ghosts from the past threaten their newfound and hard-fought happiness???
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five
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Body Shots - Basically porn with a thinly-veiled plot. This is meant to be read after ‘It’s Time- the Final Chapter.
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The Breakdown - A more detailed account of the events leading up to Lev disappearing to Seattle for five years….
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Good Morning, Baby - Set during Full Circle, Bucky and Lev learn whether they’re having a boy or a girl……
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I Never Stopped (In Progress) - AU. Levi discovers she’s not who she always thought, instead she’s Steve Rogers missing sister, abducted eighteen years ago.....
Prologue - Chapter One - Two - Three
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Druid - Biker AU. Bucky is the President of the Druids MC and Levi is back in town to take care of her dying father. They meet through mutual friends and Bucky is immediately (still) taken with the girl he secretly fantasized about in high school, but he’s an outlaw biker and she has a life halfway across the country, will Bucky have a chance to make her his???
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve
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Winter WTF - Prompt: “What are you doing under the Christmas Tree?” - “All I remember is there was tequila shots.” 
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Linked (In Progress) - Bucky and Levi find themselves connected through tragedy, can they let go of the past to find their future????
Chapter One - Two
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Not Happening, Doll - Levi and Bucky cannot stand each other (or rather, the former Winter Soldier cannot stand to be around the Avenger’s newest member and, like the ass he is, he won’t divulge why) and of course, they get teamed up for a new mission. It’s deep cover this time and not only do they have to work together, they have to pretend they’re MARRIED. Heaven help them…. 
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten
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Dirty Redhead (One Shot) - Just Bucky and Lev fluff
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Not My Circus (One Shot) - More Bucky and Lev fluff
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The Tutor - Levi the jock needs help in high school and her twin brother, Steve, volunteers his newest friend, Bucky. Seemingly just to piss her off, Bucky accepts but soon realizes there’s more to the Levi than she lets the average spectator see.
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six      Seven
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Blame It On The Moon - The Avengers play ‘Truth or Dare’....
Moonstruck (In Progress) - Sequel to ‘Blame It On The Moon
Chapter One - Two
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The Devil Won’t Drag Me Down (In Progress) - Lev is a fugitive from HYDRA hiding in the far north when she’s surprised by the team on an unrelated mission. Her strong reaction to Bucky stumps everyone, including the former Winter Soldier himself, but Lev is reluctant to divulge their haunted past.
Chapter One -
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Save My Life (In Progress) - Paramedic Bucky Barnes has seen it all and it’s definitely taken a toll on his mind and body, witnessing senseless death, all but wading through it at times as he is the first responder to so many ghastly accidents and mishaps. The widow of one of his former patients haunts him long after his brief, chaotic contact with her and destiny conspires to cross their paths again. Can the broken man and grieving woman find peace together?
Prologue - Chapter One - Two
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For You (Oneshot) - Lev is a veteran of the adult stage, the songs mean nothing to her anymore, except for one and it’s only for one person.
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Beauty and the Blackheart (In Progress) - Lev, the serious one, is visiting her wild-child twin brother, Clint. There she meets Bucky, a tall, dark, brooding mystery who’s her total opposite in every way. Of course, she’s intrigued even as her mind screams to run for safety, but what could go wrong, right?? 
Chapter One - Two - Three - Four
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Not You (In Progress) - In this one, Bucky finds his dream woman, the one who takes his breath away but what if she’s already taken? What’s more important, your own happiness or the happiness of others, namely your friends? And, if you have to steal it, was it yours to begin with??
Chapter One - Two - Three
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About Last Night (In Progress) - Lev wakes up the morning after a wild night at the Compound and realizes she hasn’t spent the night alone. The fact that the man unconscious beside her is her most trusted teammate is besides the point, he’s also her best friend and NOW WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE DO???
Teaser - Chapter One - Two
Remember Me (In Progress) - Chapter One
The Blue Plate Diner (In Progress) - Chapter One - Two
September - Based on Corb Lund’s ‘September’, Bucky begs for Lev not to leave him, not yet.
Us This Way -  How many times will Lev let James hurt her? How long will she stand by and watch him break her heart and, when she finally leaves, will James be able to bring her back? Based on Lady Gaga’s ‘Always Remember Us This Way’.
Get the Chance - Oneshot - Bucky goes looking for The Hobbit.
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CHRIS AND RAEN
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Destroyed Masterlist - What happens if Chris survived the bank robbery?
The Quarry -  Another chapter in my Chris and Raen stories, set between the final chapter and epilogue, I hope you enjoy.
*************************************************************************                   LOKI AND REMY
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Mortal (In Progress) - Remy is new to the team and is instantly intrigued when she meets the God of Mischief, Loki Odinson, for the first time. Although the dark prince has definitely been knocked down a few pegs, he still rejects the ‘tiny mortal’ when she shows her interest. Will Remy ever be able to catch his eye?
Chapter One- Two - Three - Four
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Updated: March 30, 2021
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