#these are from a while ago but I thought I'd share them anyway

[marredmusings]

umm so i wrote a little fic/blurb idk i don't think it's good but it's something that's been stuck in my head for a while with my own little oc named grace but her name is only mentioned a few times so it could totally be ignored and seen as reader.

anyway this is my first ever fic so please be kind to me and if you have suggestions or other fic ideas i'd love to hear them.

not proof read and lowercase intended.

and if you think it's awful please lie to me i'm fragile 😔

deny

you are a lover girl. a hopeless romantic, someone who dreams of finding "the one" and living happily ever after. kie often says you tend to fall in love a little with everyone you meet. you can't help it though, you have so much love in you, it feels like you'll burst at the seams if you don't share it with others.

you think you're in love with your best friend jj maybank. no one understands you the way the wild blond haired boy does. no one can communicate with you with just a single look the way jj does. no one makes your heart beat out of your chest and your tummy flutter the way his dimpled smile does, eyes crinkling at the corners, a slight sunburn on his nose because lord know that boy doesn't use the sunscreen you bought him.

so yeah you're in love with jj maybank but then yesterday a different boy kissed you. pope heyward, your other best friend, genius extraordinaire whom you thought was maybe in love with kie but no- he kissed you and you felt a tingle in your ever beating heart. heat filled your cheeks and your ears became fuzzy. that was a new feeling when it came to pope. it made you excited to explore because as much as you love jj, you don't think the boy would ever return your undying affection because your friendship meant too much.

----

you stood in the threshold of popes bedroom, gasp stuck in your throat, eyes wide and mouth open at the sight before you. you’re not sure how to process what you’re seeing.

before you on the bed that pope kissed you on not even 24 hours ago, is jj maybank, your closest friend, kissing the heyward boy.

so many emotions flow through you at the sight before you.

shock because not once has jj; or pope for that matter mentioned or even hinted that they liked men- or each other. then again, jj has always liked beautiful people and pope is certainly that.

sadness because you and pope had literally just kissed. maybe you were naive to think a simple kiss meant something more to the boy, but it was pope, you don't think there's a mean bone in his body. then again you’ve always been too much of a romantic, too blinded to really see what’s in front of you. blinded by your want and need to be loved that perhaps you create situations in your mind that you interpret as reality? maybe you need to contact your therapist again. you're sounding even more delusional than before.

lastly, you feel jealousy. the angry green monster rumbling around in your tummy, making its way up your throat. you’re not sure what exactly is making you jealous because the image of the two boys kissing is surely confusing. are you jealous because pope is kissing another person who isn’t you? a part of you is jealous because he’s kissing jj. or maybe it’s that jj is kissing pope or that maybe they’re kissing eachother and they're not kissing you? you're not sure at this point. dear diary jealousy is a disease babes, and you are infected.

you must have made a noise because next thing you know, the two boys are pulling apart, a string of spit still connecting them and for a second your love rattled brain is jealous of it. the spit that is, because deep down you’ve always known that you wanted them both… to be the one to connect them. you feel slightly crazy being jealous of spit.

jjs face goes beat red and then flushes pale, like a ghost. he looks terrified and like he might vomit all over the floor in a second.

“grace!” popes panicked voice reaches your ears but they’re still kind of ringing from the shock of seeing your supposedly straight best friends kiss.

in your heartbroken haze you wonder if you're being a bad ally right now. you love the gays you swear! you just never pictured pope and jj as being a part of the gays ™.

you clear your throat, “jb and kie are waiting for us downstairs. we were going out on the boat today, remember?”

you try and say that as gently as possible because jj still looks like he’s going to pass out and pope isn’t much better.

popes hands are shaking as he reaches for you and a part of you wants to pull away but you’re not mean. you’ve never been mean so even if your feelings are hurt you’ll always put your best friends feelings above your own. and it looks like pope needs to touch you. maybe to hold your hand and reassure him you’re really standing there, witnessing something that you probably shouldn’t have.

so many emotions flicker through popes eyes. you can’t really see his blush but you’re sure if you touch his face it would be hotter than the sun.

pope grabs your hands in his shaking ones. you can feel how clammy they are and you hazard a look back to jj who has yet to even move. you’re a little concerned he’s gone into shock.

you let out a soft sigh and smile at the boys, a smile that is mostly genuine.

you squeeze popes hand and make eye contact with the panicked blonde boy on the bed.

“it’s ok jj. i won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.” you speak kindly, as if you’re talking to a scared feral cat.

you only see jj swallow hard. “for what it’s worth, i understand the appeal... wanting to kiss pope and all.” you tease hoping to cut the obvious tension in the room. you feel like you're the one choking now.

jj and pope both let out huffs like they’re afraid to laugh but also relieved you’re not upset.

“you’re not mad?” jj croaks like he still has a frog lodged in his throat. he looks at you with soft wonder, like you’re the best thing in his life. his stare makes your tummy flutter.

“of course not. you guys are my best friends. i only ever want you to be happy!” you reply honestly. jj deserves happiness after the shit life he’s been dealt. he deserves good things and if you have to set aside your feelings in order for him to have good things then by golly you’ll do that.

“grace, about yesterday-“ pope starts off,

“don’t worry buddy, already forgotten.” you cut him off. hopefully saving him the strife of having to apologize to you about the kiss and saving you the embarrassment of him telling you he regrets your kiss. you don't think you could survive hearing that out loud.

you march over to jj still holding popes hand, effectively dragging the boy with you. you throw your arms tightly around jjs neck and after a heartbeat, jj returns your hug. you move your head to look at pope and nod at him, encouraging him to join the hug.

“now c’mon. you know how pissy jb gets when he’s made to wait” you giggle.

you lead the boys out of popes room and home and into the twinkie without giving them an option of saying no.

“finally! i thought y’all died or something. what took so long” john b huffs in exasperation.

“my fault jb!” you quickly chirp so the boys don’t have to panic and think of a lie “pope showed me the new book he got and it’s my favourite and i starting gushing and you know me i can’t shut up and… well i forgot why i went up to get them in the first place” you giggle with a sheepish smile.

“you’re so lucky you’re cute, grace” kie laughs teasingly.

you see pope and jj making eye contact. you have a feeling you might need to play therapist for them soon. pope doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings without beating around the bush and well, jjs favourite thing to do is deny deny deny.

actually, that’s exactly what you’re gonna do too! deny you have feelings for pope. deny you have feelings for jj. deny you ever saw them kiss and deny that them kissing only upset you because you weren’t a part of it. deny that a part of you enjoyed it. deny that your feelings matter in this situation and deny that if given the chance, you’d love to be in between a beautiful jj maybank and pope heyward sandwich.

yep, deny deny deny. this is gonna be a long freaking summer.

#jj maybank #kiara carrera #obx #outer banks #pope heyward #jj maybank x reader #pope x reader x jj #jj maybank x oc #pope heyward x reader #pope heyward x oc #john b routledge #my fic #obx fanfiction #obx fic

[sussyactivity]

my biggest regret is drawing this on graph paper.

oh yeah, I found a random MLP coloring book from 2014 in my house and decided to use it for the first time in almost 10 years.

rlly proud of these tbh

#mlp #my little pony #tdi #tdi izzy #total drama island #total drama #td izzy #tdwt #tdi fanart #mlp fluttershy #fluttershy #izzy td #these are from a while ago but I thought I'd share them anyway

[crownedflora]

Thanks for playing!

Doo-doo-doo-dooooo doo-doo-doo-dooooo~ Doo-doo-doo-dooooo doo-doo-doo-daaaaa~

#THIS IS IT LU- #...Oh right. My usual partner in crime for those slightly altered references isn't here for that. #Ahh... those were the days... #ANYWAY! It's been fun but I think it's finally about time to get my child ready for bed with how the blog's been for a while. #He is putting on his jammies and comedically miniscule night cap as we speak. Also being made to brush his teeth. #Doesn't mean it's completely over (yet) but just making and pinning this post in preparation for when the end truly and abruptly comes. #You'll likely just catch me reborgling some past asks - with or without commentated thoughts in the tags - for archival poiposes. #I'll do the same for any asks that were sent from here in the past that end up being answered/posted eventually in the future. #And of course send AT LEAST that one final (CURSED) ask I still owe to a /certain someone/... eventualy. |D #I keep saying ''eventually'' (to them) but will I finally get around to doing it? ... I'd say it's actually very VERY likely now. #Oh and any future received replies for interactions WILL be continued for as long as necessary and desired or felt by those involved. #Or at least there'll be an attempt from me to do so anyway. #I did consider and tried my hand at writing one final drabble as 'The End' for him as a muse but... #Nah. something simple like this will do instead. #Years of playing some minor boss character coming from source material that had what I liked to call 'Schrödinger's Canon' nearing its end.. #Muse-wise he's been practically obliterated everywhere else and is seemingly only willing to linger just enough around here. #Where everything began so many years ago... #Layers on layers... of moments we've shared... Just like a lasagna... created with care. #The flavors are burning... a new page is turning... and I hope that you'll be there in the end. Goodbye my friend; The End

[scarrletmoon]

About Powder Blue

This is going to be long. There are going to be discussions of suicide and trauma. This is going to be a bit of a jumbled mess because I can't tell a linear story to save my life. Don't feel like you need to read this, now or ever.

If you're wondering what the issues with PB were, and looking for what's next, read the indented text and skip the rest if you want!

I've had a bit of a...tumultuous relationship with the OFMD fandom. I've made close friends and lost them, made even closer friends who've very patiently reminded me of my worth when I needed that. I'm at a point where I'm still struggling, but I'm getting better. I'm still working on not being afraid. It's a bit of an uphill battle, but I'm still pushing my little boulder. I'm not alone this time, which is nice.

I entered the fandom as a nobody. I had almost 50 fics on AO3 and two had mildly popped off while I wasn't looking, but I wasn't really known for anything. I was a fandom ghost, posting my little fanfics and sharing them with the world because I just enjoyed the characters so much. Like a lot of people, I dreamed of being known for something. I thought that'd be neat.

I'm still in a state of shock and confusion that I've written anything in the past 2 years that people remember and even love. It's weird to be in a place where I never imagined myself to be. I can't stress enough how much I did not write explicit fic before this fandom; in high school, I would've welcomed a porn ban. I was afraid of my own sexuality, convinced it was some sort of monster I had to control. Convinced I was dirty. To other people my age, I was a prude, naive and childish for not being comfortable with it. So I feel for people who lash out now, who insist that attraction is actually fetishization, that if we set enough rules, maybe if we resist temptation, we'll be saved. I see you, and I feel for you. I personally don't think that's a healthy way to live, but if you'd told me that 2 years ago, I would've cussed you out. It's really a realization you have to come to (or not) on your own terms.

Anyway.

I know it's tacky to talk about your own success but it doesn't feel real. I go back and forth, reading other people's work -- and my god, there's some unbelievable talent in this fandom -- and thinking "shit, why would anyone read anything I've written? My stories are kindergarten finger paintings next to museum masterpieces". I am learning, slowly -- very slowly -- that I can't bully myself into a shape I like better. I'll never abuse myself into the kind of writer I think I want to be.

The first chapter of Powder Blue was written on a random day of the week after work. I was in a server -- the first fandom server I'd properly joined and talked in, watching a convo about how funnyt it would be for Ed to be a middle aged sugar baby -- when I pulled out my laptop and wrote for an hour and then posted that chapter to the server. I hadn't written for five years before OFMD. I had never finished a multi chapter fic. I posted that chapter and went to make dinner, and assumed the Google Docs link would get lost in that channel after a few likes.

That's not what happened.

The next few months were...a lot. My 7 year old Twitter account blew up from about 200 followers to 1000 in a matter of months. I was misinterpreted half a dozen times. Suddenly, people knew who I was and had Opinions. Some of those Opinions were Not Nice. I was told to grow a thick skin and get over it. So I figured my extreme reactions -- physical shaking, intense fear, a spiking heart rate, like I was being chased -- were just me being weak. I thought if I just sucked it up and laughed it off, it'd stop affecting me.

Turns out RSD is real and not an excuse I was using to be a baby, and it literally didn't get better until I was medicated! Wild

(This -- "I'm just overreacting and everyone else is secretly handling it better" -- has been a pretty consistent pattern my entire life, so figuring out I'm actually AuDHD has been mindblowing. If you've been wondering why you're so weak your whole life, I've got some screening tests you might be interested in).

Anyway my point is, a few things happened over the course of 2023 that brought me to a level of emotional pain I've never experienced.

At the start of the year, I was taking a self imposed internet break, after being forced to apologize for a tweet thread about Izzy, where I'd made the mistake of suggesting that fans of his should consider thinking about why they enjoy his character, but to only do this if they wanted to and ignore me if they didn't. This was taken as me being a hypocrite, and accusing Izzy fans of being terrible people. I apologized, vowed to never mention him again, and left Twitter for a month. Around the same time, a few things in a very close friend group went very wrong. I assumed it was entirely my fault for misbehaving, picked myself up, and tried to punish myself into a shape that would be acceptable for other people.

It didn't work.

Since I was now marked as an anti-Izzy bully, I couldn't say anything -- either on Twitter or in private -- that wouldn't be interpreted as me trying to start fights, as me being passive aggressive, as me trying to send covert messages for others to decipher so they could come and grovel for my forgiveness. Some of this is my fault -- it took a long time to learn than my private locked Twitter account isn't a diary. it took even longer for me to learn that maybe the people I was hanging out with weren't my people.

During all of this, I was posting Powder Blue after months of tears, pain, heartbreak, frustration and stress. I still don't understand why people write books for work or FUN. It was the most horrific experience of my life. It was valuable and so rewarding but jesus christ did writing PB take a lot out of me.

So as I felt less connected to my friends, as I was trying to hide how I felt because I thought I didn't deserve to be upset about anything (everything is always my fault, you see, and if I just behaved better, these things wouldn't happen to me), someone came to me and said they'd noticed some issues with Powder Blue. I'll refer to this person as the reader.

I was more than happy to hear them out. And it's true that I made some mistakes. The environment that I published PB in was not the one that I wrote it in. I didn't read any other sugar daddy/sex work fics as I was working on PB. PB was never a reaction to those fics. But because of those stories, which had handled things is harmful ways, there was suddenly a responsibility I'd never expected to have. I've never done sex work, I've just spent a lot of time listening to sex workers and trying to understand the legislation and environment as much as I can as a lay person. And since I don't have a personal experience with sex work, I shared my finished but rough draft with the reader, who did.

The problem, ultimately, is not something I could ever have fixed to their satisfaction. The fic doesn't involve dubious consent on a level that I think warrants an archive warning tag -- I tried to make it explicitly clear that Ed never does anything he doesn't want to, and that he's never coerced. The issue is that the nature of Ed and Stede's relationship is inherently uneven -- Stede is rich, and although he gives Ed money that's his to keep, Ed still isn't as obscenely wealthy as Stede is. Ed is poor and has been for a while. He's good at whatever he chooses to do, but he's struggling. That's a very uncomfortable spot to put Ed in. I also put Ed through some things that I've personally been through, as a way to work through my feelings and to try and better understand myself. If I was acting like Ed in real life, the reader is right that it would be concerning. But, importantly, Ed's not real. Nothing in this story is happening to a real person. Nothing in this story is an endorsement of any of his behaviours or unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I still believe the reader had good intentions -- the amount of effort they put into coming to me would be utterly bizarre for someone who was just looking to be cruel for no reason. But that also doesn't change the fact that being told I was having a trauma response and needed to stop working on the fic immediately, pushed me into the most suicidal period I've ever experienced.

That's not their fault. I'm sure that wasn't their intention. I've chosen to not try and find out who they are, or try to contact them again to respect their privacy. Some of the things people said to me, publicly dismissing the reader's pain, were so harrowing to read that it made me feel worse for ever writing PB in the first place. They were right to stay anonymous.

I'm sure the reader never meant for me to have such a massive breakdown that I took down the entire fic and left Twitter (and a few friend groups). It's been difficult to understand that just because someone didn't mean to hurt me, doesn't change the fact that I was hurt.

One silver lining is that I did go and find a new therapist. She's great! And she also thinks that how the reader tried to bring things up to me was wrong. As the reader obviously saw, I have a lot of Trauma, so I'm still not entirely convinced that I didn't deserve what happened to me. I'm not angry at them. I appreciate their concern. I just can't do what they asked of me. In the end, Powder Blue was not a story that was right for them. And that's okay.

My point in detailing all of this, is that I stayed quiet for a long time because I didn't think I deserved to tell my part of the story. I was scared that when people said they respected my choice to take down the fic, that they agreed I'd some something impossibly harmful. People trusted my judgement but I didn't trust myself. But people didn't know that I didn't trust myself.

Additionally, reader can't speak on this without revealing themself in some way. I'm terrified that they might read this and say something anyway. My biggest fear is becoming the kind of writer who sees negative criticism and pushes on anyway, or even blocks people who disagree with me. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I've been hurt.

BUT I've been holding onto this for months. I cannot write a perfect fic that will never trigger anyone. I will never write a meaningful story that won't hurt someone, no matter my intentions. There IS a way to admit you fucked up, or a way to listen and disagree, without turning into a raging asshole. I'm struggling to find that line. I'm hoping I'm making the right choice here.

And honestly, I'm just soft. I am so fucking soft. I talk a big game but I am so soft that a single person poking at my trauma caused me to break down so severely that my partner was legitimately afraid for me. I am learning that this softness doesn't mean I should become a crueler person to cope. But it's hard. There are going to be people who see this post and think I'm being a whiny crybaby looking for attention and pity. And I just have to deal with that.

Anyway. All previous chapters of PB will be up soon. Read them or don't. I will do my best to add more detailed trigger warnings. And I would personally suggest that if you're worried about any of the content in the fic, to run these worries past a friend who's read the fic, because they'll know you better than I ever will. Please don't read Powder Blue if you think it'll harm you. I would rather have fewer readers than triggered ones.

If there's anything I've missed that you think I need to address, know that my inbox is open, that anon is on, and that I'm not in the business of retaliating against people who come to me with an issue, even if they're a dick to me while they're doing it. I'm not going to dismiss someone because they weren't nice to me while they were upset. I'm a bitch but I'm not that kind of bitch.

So. Thank you for waiting for this fic. Thank you for waiting for me. We've got something like 16 chapters to go, and I can't tell you when they'll be up, or if they'll be up soon. But thank you for loving this story. I can't tell you how much that means to me, especially now.

Love,

Scarr

#scarrlet rambles #powder blue #about powder blue #this is also just a really long about me

[ressjeon]

endearing | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: you're just worried when your loud housemate suddenly goes quiet after serenading you for hours

rating: pg13 | word count: 1.3k

genre/au: housemates!au, romance?, fluff (lmao who's this), they're just fRiEnDs 🤭

warnings/content: just alcohol consumption, they're sweet ig 🥰

a/n: yk i’m supposed to be on break (literally on midterm season) but here we are. also i haven’t written a purely SFW drabble for a very long time so please bear with me i just love him sm. huge thank you to my phone's voice feature lol, i'd never finished this in a few hours with how slow i usually am.

companion song: more than friends by becky g 💖

You’re scrolling through your phone when you notice that the whole house has suddenly turned quiet.

You couldn’t be that you’re fixated on your phone that you didn’t notice your housemate has ended his karaoke session because you swear the living room was still loud just a few minutes ago. Jungkook, one of your housemates, has been singing his heart out since past 1 AM today. Not that you mind it really, because you’re a night owl, just like him. You love it when he does his live streams because he usually does karaoke sessions in each of them no matter what he was doing at first.

Jungkook’s one of the popular students on your campus and has a huge following on his IG account, which he uses mainly for everything, no matter how random they are. He deletes his pictures often though when he feels like changing his feed. You’re hoping that he just archived them because he’s quite talented at photography. However, he does frequent lives on IG in return since people tune in when he goes live anyway, filled with comments from either his group of friends or his admirers.

It’s been a while since you heard Jungkook singing. He has a very beautiful voice that even though he doesn’t remember the lyrics for most of the songs that he sang, he still sounded so good to anyone who’s listening. Your other housemates are still not back from their reading week vacation, giving Jungkook the only time when he could be as loud as he can in the house without disturbing anybody. He’s aware that you stay up like him and listen to him when he’s singing, relieved that out of your housemates, it’s you who remained with him. Both of you are the only ones who didn’t go anywhere because of your packed schedules.

Tonight, as diverse as his playlist is, you still feel like he’s serenading you with most of his song choices. Those songs are on your playlist too, which he knew since you’ve shared each other’s links before. So now you’re going to let yourself be deluded, humming along to the songs while you’re getting your tasks done. When the music stopped, you thought he was just taking breaks, so you didn’t think much of it. Jungkook usually creates small noises after he’s done, cleaning up the living room and kitchen before going back to his room.

But it’s suddenly quiet. Did he fall asleep already? Should you check, but then why would you? Jungkook sleeps anywhere at any time unlike you, but you’ve always been paranoid. The lazy part of you wants to close your eyes and fall asleep already, but the other part wants to go down and check. It’s just normal right just in case? Besides, it’s also part of your responsibility as a housemate.

It’s the least you could do for Jungkook because he took care of you many times when you come home drunk from house parties at 5 AM. He even took as much as helping you by being there while you let everything out, offering you a glass of water and making sure you remove your makeup before tucking you into your bed after. He cooks you noodle soup in the morning too in case you get hangovers, which you thankfully don't but your heart somersaults every time with how thoughtful he is.

So despite how comfy your bed is right now, you forced yourself to get up and pushed away your comforter before going down to the living room to check.

And your guts were right because you see Jungkook sleeping soundly on his stomach by the couch with a lighted-scented candle on the table in front of him. The light from the candle allows you to see his handsome face clearly, with flushed cheeks and slightly puckered lips as he sleeps in his arms. He looks adorable, wearing a black crewneck in sweater paws, obscuring his colourful sleeve from your eyes. His cute snores crack a small smile on your face as you approach his sleeping figure, carefully taking the remote from his hands. Sure, he’s a deep sleeper, but you didn’t want to wake him up because it’s already 4 AM and you’re a bit sleepy too.

You then turn off the TV and unplugged the mood lamp that he designed for one of his classes. It’s so pretty, and he brings it out in the living room once in a while, especially when he’s doing his live streams. You also just noticed the half-filled beer mug on the table, taking it with you to the kitchen where you’ve put it back on the ref before deciding to look for spare blankets for him. You couldn’t find any though, so you just opted for his room, which is surprisingly wide open.

Jungkook stays in the room on the first floor, so he frequents the living room when he’s not gaming or doing schoolwork. Entering his room, you grabbed his blanket at once, fighting the urge to nuzzle it, given how good Jungkook usually smells when you hug him. You went back to the living room and put the blanket over him, pushing away a strand of his hair from his closed eyes before tucking it behind his ears. His hair had gotten longer and curly, so fluffy too that you’d been expressing how you love this look on him. Jungkook smiles when you do, letting you ruffle his hair more.

He stirs a bit, causing you to go rigid and worried that you woke him up. You don’t move until you were sure that he’s fully sleeping. And though he might not hear it, you still wish him a quiet good night before eyeing the candle. You love the smell of it but for safety reasons, you blow out and retreat upstairs to your room.

.

The footsteps padding in the hallway woke you up from your deep slumber, being the sensitive sleeper you are. You’re wondering how Jungkook’s awake at this hour and why he’s up here, reluctantly rising from your bed before opening the door. There you watch him scurrying back to the stairs wrapped in his blankets looking like a deer caught in the headlights when he hears you.

“Jungkook? why are you awake? do you need something? it’s still early” you asked him sleepily while rubbing your eyes.

“um, i woke up and i-uh” he couldn’t look you in the eye, the nervousness evident in his voice. “you can’t sleep?” you yawn, yearning to go back to your comfy bed but you just wanna talk to him more. 

Jungkook shakes his head. “i just wanna say thank you for earlier and uh-sorry for waking you up” he grins apologetically, rubbing the back of his neck.

“oh Kook, that’s nothing compared to what you’ve done more for me” you smile at him, truly grateful for his existence in your life. Hold, you’re sleep deprived to be having these thoughts right now but Jungkook just looks so endearing in your eyes despite how sleepy you still are. 

Damn, you really should sleep more.

He’s oddly looking at you fondly so you mimic him, both of you waiting who will back down first. Jungkook looks like he wants to say something more, tongue poking around his lip ring with that doe eyes of his. You smile at him, urging him to continue. He’s back to being shy around you these days for some reason but you don’t wanna pry, just want him to be comfortable as much as possible. 

“i’m still sleepy so i’m going back to my room” you can see him retracting so you approach him, a knowing smile already plastered on your face. “do you wanna cuddle? i think we’ll fit in my bed” his nervous eyes were replaced with excitement, following you to your room.

You didn’t even get to lie down on your bed properly when he tackles you, spurring a hearty giggle out of you with him matching you. “what?” he hugs you right away, mumbling something against your skin as he snuggles his head on the crook of your neck. Your hands automatically card through his luscious hair until you hear his breathing slow down, and his cute snores occurring once again. 

Guess you’ll never know what all these are for until he wakes.

e/n: i'm testing many things from this so hope it's wholesome enough lmao (i tried). have a lovely week everyone!

#jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #bts fanfic #jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook fanfic #jungkook scenarios #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #bts #bts imagines #bangtan #bts fanfiction #bts au #bts x you #jeongguk #bts imagine #bts drabble #btshoneyhive

[thefallennightmare]

Miracle-eighteen

*gif found on pinterest*

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.

Author Note: I hope y'all don't hate me after this.

Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13 @thebadchic @notmaddihealy @jay02bo @beaker1636 @jakekiszkasguitarpick @punk-pr1ncessxoxo @er3nslovergirl @iamdesolate @lma1986 @jessitpwk @themodern-daywednesday @writethrough @bngurngheart @dreams-that-are-anwsered @loeytuan98 @omens-in-reverse @loverofagoodbeard @jay02bo @niicoleleigh

"So it's over?" I clutched my phone between my ear and shoulder as I carried in the bags of groceries into the house.

"Yes. He tried to fight your mothers will, but it clearly states that you keep the house. There's no way James can sell it without your permission."

I sighed while setting down the bags on the kitchen counter. "Thank you, Ryan. I appreciate all your help."

"No problem, Y/N. If you need anything else, call my office anytime."

Ending the call, I left my phone on the counter as I put away the food I bought, the setting sun forcing its rays through the glass windows. Even with the cool November weather, the heat of the sun-blasted against my back, warming my skin instantly. The house was quiet as I moved throughout it, picking up odd things that were scattered in random places and putting them back where they belonged. The phone call with the lawyer's office that had been helping me deal with situating my mother's estate and her will weigh heavy on my mind. I'd been working with them for the last couple of weeks and although they said that it was over, a part of me knew deep down that this thing with James was far from over.

After my mother's funeral a few weeks ago and the interactions with James, I immediately sought some legal help to make sure that there wasn't any kind of loophole that he could find to slip through. Thankfully, there were none and James ended up flying back home to Texas, leaving me alone.

Or so I thought.

It started at first as just weird feelings then it turned into the feeling of being watched anytime I was walking around the neighborhood or even inside my house. It got so intense that I ended up leaving the curtains closed twenty-four-seven. If that wasn't creepy enough, one morning I woke up and noticed that the back door was open just a crack. It scared me so bad because I remembered shutting and locking it. It's been about a week since the last weird incident and I decided it was all in my head. Originally I thought it was James but knowing he was back in Texas, I chalked it up to a crazed fan that found out where I lived.

Somehow pictures of me with the guys at my mother's funeral ended up online, especially ones of Noah's hand in mine. People already had their suspicions about the two of us but now the rumors were spreading like wildfire online. I did what I always did when I read something I didn't like; I ignored it.

Since the kiss we shared on his birthday, things between Noah and I were even more weird, in a good way. The only problem? It felt as if we were rushing back into things which is not what I wanted. So while Bad Omens were away playing a three-day festival a few hours away, I was using this time alone to think about things.

Noah offered me my job back, but I didn't accept it, not yet anyway. It was something I needed to think about. Although be it tempting, I also needed to think about where my life went from here. I didn't want to stay in this house much longer because the memories were too daunting and frankly; I wanted to forget about the times of taking care of my mom here. Her lies were etched into the walls and buried deep into the soil of the foundation. The thought of moving far away crossed my mind a few times, but it never was more than a thought. All the bad memories aside, there was a lot of good here that I couldn't bear the thought of leaving.

Before Noah left, we talked about some things that were said that night of our fight. He apologized profusely about bringing up my only fans page in front of everyone and comparing it to amateur porn. When in fact; it was something that Noah watched often. He said the real thing was better than the pictures or videos I posted.

I thought I would be angry that he saw me like that before the night in the storage closet but I wasn't. It extremely flattered me he thought of me like that.

When I told him I'd be stopping the page, he told me I didn't have too since we were kind of, sort of, dating, but I told him it was only to pay Lana's paychecks when she was taking care of my mother. Now, there was no need for the Only Fans page anymore. Noah wouldn't say it out loud, but I could tell he was relieved that I deleted the page.

I also had to tell him that Folio saw my nudes. Prior to how he acted in jealousy, Noah surprised me when he shrugged it off with a laugh.

"Damn, he got those for free? Do you know how much I had to pay for those?" He joked which earned a slap to his chest from me.

We hadn't kissed or done anything more since his birthday, much to the dismay of my aching pussy that begged for him. He never forced me for more of our relationship and I was thankful for that.

As I was returning downstairs with a large stack of photo albums in my arms, I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen and made it just in time to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi angel," Noah's deep voice echoed in my ear.

The corner of my mouth lifted into a smile. "Hey you. How's the festival?"

"Good, we just got back on the bus and should head back home soon. I wanted to call and check in since it's been awhile since we last talked."

It was true. I wished them all good luck at the festival before they left a few days ago. I didn't even talk to Folio, that's how much I was valuing this alone time. Of course, not wanting them to worry, I sent a text or two letting them know I was alive. Noah was understanding in letting me have all the time I needed to myself but he made sure I knew that once the festival was over, he'd be calling.

"You're leaving already? It's only the second night," I said.

"The schedule of the festival changed around and our sets already finished. We figured to head back home a day early."

I hummed. "Some girl back home waiting for you?"

"Yes. In fact, I plan on having her over at my place for a movie night."

"Oh, really now?" I raised a brow while opening up the photo albums. "Does she know about this?"

There was some loud voices on Noah's end before he yelled away from the receiver. "Assholes! I'm on the phone."

"Tell Y/N we say hi!"

Jolly.

"She's coming back to work, right? Because the pictures Davis got for our social media fucking suck."

Nick.

"Hey, fuck you man!"

Davis.

I chuckled while sitting on the stool at the counter, slowly flipping through the photo album. It was of my sixth birthday and seeing the pictures of my father with a large smile on his face as he handed me my birthday cake warmed my heart. I did this every night the last few weeks; looking though old memories in hopes to remember the good ones.

"Tell her to answer my text. It's important!"

Folio.

Rolling my eyes, I pulled my phone away from my ear to look at my most recent text from him.

The second we got the news that our set ended a day early, Noah damn near sprinted to the bus like someone lit a fire under his ass so he can call you. He's rushing us so we can get back home. I don't know how but you got that man wrapped around your finger.

My heart skipped a beat as I put the phone back to my ear just in time to ear Noah's sweet voice again.

"So about that movie night?"

"Depends," I chewed on my bottom lip.

"On?"

"Can it be just you and I? Maybe at my place?"

There was a long beat of silence on Noah's end. "You sure? I don't want to rush you into anything, angel."

"You're not, trust me. We've been taking things slow so this movie night could be the next step."

"I'll promise to keep my hands to myself."

I could almost imagine Noah crossing a finger over his chest.

Closing the photo album, I leaned back into the stool with a playful smirk on my face. "Maybe I don't want you too."

"Angel," Noah groaned. "As soon as I'm back home, I'm coming over. I don't care the time."

I giggled while making my way out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. By now the moon was casting its bright white glow on the old wooden floorboards and I was ready to turn in for the night.

"How long is the drive?" I asked.

Noah sighed. "It's about five hours."

Glancing at the clock on the wall of the hallway, I noticed it was about eight in the evening, meaning by the time he got home, it would be too late and I'd most likely be asleep.

"How about tomorrow night then?" I asked once I stepped foot in my room.

"I'll hold you to that."

We talked for a few more minutes before I reluctantly hung up, exhaustion pulling my body toward my bed.

My nose tickled at the harsh smell as I turned over in bed, slumber still weighing heavy on my chest. But the smell intensified which woke me, eyes fluttering open. It was almost an earthy smell as it engulfed me and I sat up in bed with a start. The surrounding air was thick with dust and my vision was hazy as I looked around my room. Then I realized it wasn't my vision that was hazy, it was my room that was hazy. A thick cloud of smoke filled my room, and I traced it to the bottom of my closed door where I sucked in a sob; bright flames licked their way underneath the opening of the door and I scrambled out of bed towards the farthest side of the wall.

Fuck.

My house was on fire, and it was slowly reaching my bedroom.

"SHIT!" I cried when the flames now ran up my door, the heat immediately brushing across my face.

Did I leave a candle burning?

No, I haven't lit one in days.

Did I leave to stove on?

No, I ordered pizza for dinner.

And the fireplace hasn't been lit in years.

So how the fuck did the fire start?

My eyes glanced over to the phone on my nightstand but before I could reach for it, the flames reached it and I reared farther back into the farthest corner of my room away from the fire. Fear gripped me as I tried to scramble my brain on how to escape.

I couldn't leave my room without getting burned alive so the only way out was the window, but I was on the second story which was at least a 15-foot drop. There was a lattice I could slowly climb my way down but it would take time to make sure I didn't fall which time wasn't something I had much time of.

My throat felt raw and thick as I continued to breathe in the smoke the longer I stayed in my fetal position. I coughed as I slowly rose to my feet, ready to climb through the window when something caught the corner of my eye. On my dresser on the other side of the room was an array of pictures of my mother and I and also with my father. Then on my desk next to the dresser was my laptop which had more pictures; most of my time with Bad Omens.

Continuing to cough up black smoke, I rushed through the flames to grab two picture frames and as I was going to reach for my laptop, a flame brushed up from underneath the desk, touching the skin of my wrist and hand. I hissed in pain as I pulled my burned hand into my chest, tears mixing with the soot from the fire on my face.

My brain was screaming at me to leave because the fire would burn me alive in seconds, the sound of the flames and memories burning hurt my ears. So with one last look around the crumbling vision of what was once my bedroom, I hastily climbed out of the window with my burned hand clutching the pictures close to my chest. It was difficult to climb down the lattice with one hand and shaky legs, the amount of smoke I inhaled made my breathing labored and I was sure that I was seconds away from passing out.

Far off in the distance, I heard sirens and knew that in a matter of minutes, I would be saved, all I had to do was reach the safety of the ground below. But as I was about a few feet away from safety, I noticed the flames were burning hot and bright from the window just below my feet. Which meant I was trapped in between the two floors, barely hanging on to the lattice.

"Fuck," I sobbed while banging my head on the peeling wood.

"Angel!"

Choking out another cry, I peered over my shoulder to where I heard the desperate voice.

Noah was running up the long driveway up to my house, both Nicks' and Jolly right behind him.

My heart soared from the sight of them and for a moment, only a moment, I didn't think I was going to die.

"You need to jump!" Nick yelled up to me.

I quickly shook my head. "No way. It's too far of a drop and if one of you guys try to catch me, I'd hurt you!"

"You have too!" Jolly demanded.

Noah's frantic eyes searched every inch of the house until he pointed to the window a few feet to my left, one that had a balcony. "What room is that?"

"Uh," I closed my eyes to think of the layout of my house. "It's my mom's. There's a back staircase in her room that leads to the mudroom!"

"It seems like the fire hasn't reached it. You need to climb to that window and hoist yourself up onto the balcony to make your way down," Nick suggested.

"I can't!" I cried.

Folio's soft voice called up to me. "Yes you can, Y/N. There's no other way."

"No," I shook my head with not only fear but the pain from my burned hand. "I burned my hand pretty bad and I can't climb with it. I'm barley hanging on."

A scream crawled its way out of my throat when I slipped down the lattice a few inches, my grip faltering.

Noah's face was filled with so much worry it made my stomach sink to the pits of hell.

"Stay there, angel!" He called up to me as he began running. "I'm coming!"

"NO!"

Folio was too slow to stop Noah, who disappeared out of sight as he ran towards the side of the house that the fire hadn't reached yet. My eyelids felt heavy as I continued to cough up the smoke that my lungs inhaled and with every breath, I hissed in pain. It felt as if there was a vice grip around my insides making it harder to breathe and stay conscious.

"Y/N, stay with us. Noah's almost there," Jolly's voice sounded so far away.

I nodded, or I thought I did, because Nick's yells were all I heard before darkness finally had a grip on me just as my grip on the lattice slipped away, my body falling to the hard ground below.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #forced proximity #enemies to lovers #slow burn

[maliland]

CORNELIA STREET

"i'm so terrified of if you ever walk away, i'd never walk cornelia street again."

barbie(s): e-42 miles morales & black fem reader

includes: angst

synopsis: following your breakup, you and miles meet up one last time to finish packing up the apartment you formerly shared.

wc: 3559

divider credz: @/bunnysrph a/n: i'm happy y'all liked my last fic!!! this fic is a one n done, so no second part. idek what fluff is 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ they’re sayin angst is good for the soul. i proof read this time, but i can't promise that there aren't any mistakes. enjoy! <3

teary-eyed, you sealed off the last box. it felt like that alone solidified everything, and the harsh reality would soon settle in: after today, you would never see miles morales again.

the bedroom you were in was dimly lit by the single lamp you had plugged in earlier because the clouds were a reflection of your mood, gloomy and dark. you felt a bead of deep sorrow roll down the right side of your face and hastily swiped it away. you sniffled, and you hated how the sound bounced off the walls that were now covered in nothing but the paint, as if they were taunting you. 

you glanced around the relatively dark and empty room. though the space was now vacant, those four walls held the sacred exchanges and cherished memories that you and miles shared within them. you’d rather forget every single one, good or bad. 

you wanted to forget all of the netflix shows you and miles binged in bed, or the mario kart you’d somehow always beat him at. you wanted to forget the late nights that you spent tending to his wounds, or consoling him when he was missing his father more than usual. you wanted to wipe your mind clean of each and every thought that involved your ex-boyfriend and lock them in a box. every one of your thoughts was miles. your head would forever be silent, but you were okay with that. you craved peace of mind more than anything else.

you stared at the box for a moment before you slid your fingers into the makeshift handles that were cut out on either side and stood up. you tried to make your face look as neutral as possible as you made your way to the living room. while you sauntered down the hallway with heavy footsteps, the wood beneath your feet squealed and creaked. you found yourself expecting to be met with the familiar picture frames of you and miles that usually hung from the wall, but you weren’t. 

you mentally beat yourself up for even hoping for such a thing. it’s been two months since you two broke up. you should be focused on finishing up the move anyway, not reminiscing over what would never be.

in the living room, miles was taping up all of the bigger boxes. some were his, while others were yours. he insisted on doing most, if not all of the heavy lifting. you were in no mood to argue about it, so you just let him. you walked past miles without saying anything, setting the last one of your boxes from the bedroom by the front door. you then made your way to the kitchen where your water bottle was sitting on the counter next to a box of pizza that you hadn’t seen before.

“i didn’t know you ordered food,” you said, opening the box and waiting for miles to respond before you took a piece, just in case he didn’t want you to. the pizza appeared to be untouched. you took a few sips from your water bottle and pursed your lips, swallowing hard. every interaction with miles was an awkward one.

“yeah,” he stood up and turned to face you. “it got here, like, five minutes ago. you can take some if you’re hungry.”

you capped your water bottle. “i think i’ll just take some home.”

“that’s fine,” he retorted flatly. he almost immediately went back to taping up boxes. 

you placed your water bottle back down on the counter and tapped your index fingers against the surface of the counter rhythmically before clearing your throat. you only declined eating right then because you knew water was the only thing you could keep down, and even that was threatening to make an escape.

“thanks, by the way.”

“it’s nothing,” miles was silent for a few beats. you watched him carefully, silently yearning for the boy you missed tremendously. he cut off a long strip of tape from the roll and pressed it against one of the boxes. “aight, let’s take all of these to the u-haul trucks. i’ll put your heavier boxes inside for you. we can just put the smaller boxes in our cars.”

you nodded and joined miles in the living room once again. over a span of forty minutes, you moved boxes from the living room to the u-haul truck. all you could think about while you did was how just three years ago, you and miles were moving boxes into the apartment. it happened to work out because your universities aren’t far from each other. you remember being so excited that you could barely even focus on moving any of the boxes. you were so convinced that miles was the one, and that the cozy apartment that you’d made yours to share was one of the many estates that you’d share in the future. push came to shove and your dream was unfortunately cut short. you’d have to find something else to fantasize about.

“you need any help moving furniture into your new place?”

“oh, no,” you smiled awkwardly. “i already have a few of my friends helping me out, so i’ll be good. thank you, though.”

miles hummed in acknowledgment and went back inside. for a moment, you stared at the front door and watched it close. you blinked a few times then shook your head, redirecting your focus back to putting the last few boxes in your car. you strolled over to your trunk and put the box down on the curb beside your tire and all of the other boxes so you could open it. 

loading the remainder of the smaller boxes took maybe six minutes. by the time you closed the trunk, miles was back outside, loading his own boxes into his own car. you fought the urge to watch him as he did. you knew that’d be ridiculous.

you reminded yourself that you were the one who initiated the breakup, not miles.

when you found out about miles being the prowler, you were both still in high school. he made it seem like a temporary job. you sympathized with him because you knew him and his mama needed money, but you were always on the edge regardless. you would lie awake at night, anxiously waiting by your phone for that text message that confirmed your boyfriend’s safety. some nights you only had to stay up until ten, while others robbed you of sleep completely. 

miles would often miss class, dinners with you and rio, or your dates due to prowler business. you were always covering for him when it came to his mom asking if you knew where he was, and you hated having to lie to her. miles had explained to you that what he does wasn’t something he could just quit like a normal job, because his job wasn't normal. despite your iffy feelings about it, you brushed it off and kept it pushing. 

the hope and the lie that this wouldn’t go on forever was the only thing keeping you going.

soon enough, college finally rolled around and you two rented your first apartment on cornelia street. being with him each and every day made you realize something; you were starting to understand that miles didn’t have any intention to retire the mask.

things started to get serious. miles would not only come home late, but injured. he’d climb through the window to your shared bedroom with cuts, grazes, and sometimes deep stab wounds. you couldn’t keep staying up until the early hours of the morning playing nurse after wasting away time wondering if miles was going to come home or not.

the night he returned to you after not coming back for two whole days was the same night you called it quits. you had been getting less and less of what you needed, and instead, growing increasingly stressed. as much as you loved miles, you didn’t want to live in fear for the rest of your life. you sat him down and explained that as you tended to his severe wounds. maybe you should’ve waited, but you were beyond angry.

though you were firm in your decision, that didn’t make it hurt any less. it almost hurt more because you were the one that did it. there was nobody else to blame because you were the one who had given up, at least that’s how you saw it.

“hey,” miles approached you. “i’m gonna head out now. you got everything?”

“yeah,” you replied, looking back at your car behind you, then up at the sky. “i’m actually about to leave too.”

“cool, cool,” he nodded. “i’ll see you around.”

“see you,” you waved gently as miles turned away. after one left to right, you put your hand down.

part of you expected more to come out of your last goodbye when in reality, there was nothing more to expect.

you didn’t stick around to torture yourself by watching miles leave. instead, you wound up in the living room of the apartment again. the emptiness of the room was daunting. you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that starting tomorrow, the apartment wasn’t yours and miles’ anymore. someone else’s name would soon be on that lease. if they were anything like you and miles were, there’d be two more names on the lease. two more sets of memories to be made in every single room.

maybe they’ll bake snickerdoodles at three in the morning like you and miles did, or go on christmas movie marathons when halloween hadn't even passed yet. maybe they'd match halloween costumes when it finally arrived. maybe they'd go to carnivals and hang the strip of pictures from the photo booth on the wall. 

hopefully they wouldn't end up like you two.

❤︎₊ ⊹

about an hour later, you finally found it in yourself to leave. your u-haul truck was probably at your new place by now. your friends were coming over to help you unpack, and you still had to turn in your key to the landlord. on your way out, you noticed that the box of pizza from earlier was still on the counter. you went over to the kitchen and opened it to find that the pizza was still untouched. it's rare that miles ever forgets things. he had to have left it for you.

you closed the pizza box and left through the front door. for the last time, you locked it. you carried the box to your car and placed it in the passenger seat. when you closed the door, you got a sinking feeling in your stomach because you knew you'd never drive back there again. you didn't ponder on it for long before your eyes widened. you remembered you'd left a box in the guest room. you'd always been the more forgetful one, after all. you dashed back to the front door and quickly unlocked it. you hurriedly made your way to the room and sighed in relief when your eyes landed on what you were looking for. you picked up the box and groaned in annoyance when you realized it was a heavier one. complaining would only make the process longer, so you sucked it up and brought the box outside to your car.

suddenly, you felt something wet on your face and your eyebrows knitted together. you glanced up at the sky, now noticing that the clouds appeared darker, and the smell of rain was more prevalent than it was before.

“it’s not supposed to rain until six,” you thought, wiping the tiny drop of rain on your face with your sleeve.

by time time you'd managed to fit your box in the trunk with all of the others, the rain was pouring at an increasingly fast pace, drenching your phone, your outfit, and more importantly, your freshly braided hair. you pursed your lips and slowly closed your eyes. a desperate attempt to search for the patience to keep it together was made, but you broke down, weeping in agony instead. you’d suffocated your desolation deep in your being for far too long, and it wanted out. you had only kept it in because you didn’t think you needed to cry over miles as much as your body wanted you to. you figured that since your breakup was final and beneficial for the both of you, there was no reason to dwell on it. you preferred to let your sanity dwindle. even when sadness engulfed you the most, you refused to provide it with an outlet. the lumps in your throat that you had always swallowed felt like rocks, and your eyes had grown tired of you dismissing your tears back into your eye sockets with rapid blinking movements.

you wanted nothing to do with the breakup in general. you really despised the look your loved ones gave you every time you had to break the news of your failed relationship to them. most people would appreciate the pity and constant check-ins, but you deplored them. you only wanted to feel normal again. it was already bad enough that you couldn't feel whole without miles. you didn’t need people to remind you of that. 

you stood there on the curb stiffly, letting the drops of rain mask your tears as they fell. you felt lost right outside of what used to be your home. if your friends weren’t back at your new place awaiting your arrival, you probably would’ve stayed in that same spot for a little while longer. collecting yourself would take a minute, though.

you wiped your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie, your mascara staining the fabric black as a result. you closed your eyes and breathed out, preparing to bury your feelings deep once again and walk to your car until you noticed there wasn’t rain soaking into your scalp or running down your face anymore. looking down at your feet, you could still see raindrops bouncing off of the ground. when you raised your head, you were greeted with a black umbrella towering over you. you reluctantly turned around to see none other than miles standing there before you, his grip firm on the handle of the umbrella.

even if miles didn't show it in his expression, you knew you looked a mess. you didn't need a mirror to know that your edges had lifted. your neat, spiraled swoops were now untamed strands that were just barely sticking to your head. the rainwater weighing the flyaways down was the closest thing you were getting to a hold. that wasn't the only part of your appearance that was in disarray. due to the profuse tears you'd just been crying, there were streams of mascara trailing down either side of your cheeks. you wiped them away and sniffled. to top it all off, your sweatshirt and your favorite pleated jean skirt were both doused in water. you really didn’t want miles to see how messed up you truly were over his absence. you began to fidget with the bracelet around your wrist, opting to feign your normal expression like everything was okay. it's not like miles could tell you were crying anyway. the rain may have fucked you over before, but it was doing you a service now.

“did you leave your pizza?” you asked. "it's in my car."

“i forgot my jacket inside of the apartment,” miles held it up in his other arm.

“oh,” you nodded, avoiding eye contact at all costs. it’s what you did every time you spoke now. you entered each room multiple times before you left. you hadn't seen his jacket anywhere. “well, i was actually just about to go.”

“you were standing idly in the rain,” miles retorted. his eyebrows lowered in a mix of both worry and confusion. 

“well, i—“

“you hate getting your hair wet, especially when you just got it done,” he interrupted you. “you also said you were about to leave back when i was leaving.”

your mouth hung open for about three seconds before you closed it. you had completely forgotten what you were going to say before miles cut you off. you didn’t even expect him to notice that you’d gotten your hair done. miles always had been attentive to you, but you expected him to pay little to no attention to you now.

“i did say that,” you confirmed, rubbing your thumbs against each other as a release for your nervousness. “but obviously i haven’t left.”

“why’s that?” miles angled his head. he was peering into your face like he was determined to uncover an answer without you having to utter a word. it made you nervous. “you need help with something else?”

“no, miles,” you exhaled, the never-ending interrogation making you restless. you somewhat felt like you were in high school again. for a split second, you were thrown back to the days when you first started crushing on miles. “i lived here for a while. i’m just gonna miss this place, that’s all.”

miles noticed that you were dodging his eyes. he clocked it from the start, actually. the very start. you haven’t looked him in the eyes since the night you ended things. he pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, sighing deeply before opening them again.

“[name], i owe you an apology,” he says lowly. “i know you hate what i do. i knew i wasn’t gonna stop any time soon and i shouldn’t have made it seem like i was going to, but you have to understand, mama, i’m in too deep. i don’t know if i can ever lead a normal life now.”

you continued to look down, your gaze fixed on the rain droplets that were splashing on the concrete instead. your mind doesn’t offer you any commentary, nor does it offer you solace. you’ve imagined this conversation a million times in your head. you’ve had this conversation a million times out loud. it ends the same way each time: with tears and a heavy heart, as well as the certitude that the same subject of whether or not miles would come home and decide he's had enough of making you worry, would be revisited in a curt amount of time. 

you thought this unbearable cycle would end when your relationship with miles did, but parting ways never did free you from the harrowing thoughts that occupied your feeble mind.

this had to be the last variation of that same dreadful conversation.

“it’s better this way. i don’t ever want to put you in danger. i wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you because of me—if you got hurt...” miles' voice trailed off.

you understood everything he was telling you. you always had. it wasn’t a difficult concept to grasp. again, it didn’t make the circumstances maim your heart any less. 

and miles would never truly get it. 

“you already hurt me, miles,” you finally look the boy in the eyes without even meaning to. “you’re gonna get yourself killed. you’re skilled, but you’re also lucky. really lucky. i don’t want your luck to run out. i hope you find a way to save yourself... to make a life for yourself without having to get your hands bloody.”

"me too," he replied after a couple of beats. 

still, he never would.

miles pushed the hand that had a grip on the handle of the umbrella forward, urging you to take it. your fingers brushed against each other as you reluctantly retrieved the handle from him. 

you wondered if there was something you should say…

do you ask to keep in contact? do you ask if you can still call him? do you ask if you can still visit? do you ask if you can still join him and his mama for dinner? do you tell him you still love him? do you ask for one more hug? do you ask for one more kiss?

do you ask if he’ll always love you?

miles’ hand dropped by his side, soon finding their way into the pockets of his basketball shorts. "take care of yourself, [name]."

that was it.

you were unable to think of something fast enough, so you stood paralyzed and watched miles jog back to his car. you didn’t feel even an ounce of shame as you watched your first love leave for the last time, your plans and your pre-determined future departing along with him. 

you knew that if it wasn’t for luck, you would never see the boy you loved so intensely ever again. if you ever did, you’d have to cope with the fact that his love for you would’ve more than likely faded to nothing but a memory stored deep in his mind, much like the thoughts of him that you longed to lock away. you really hated that things had to end the way they did, but no matter how much you loathed the veracity, miles would always be the prowler. there wasn’t any force or any drive—anything or anyone in that world that could make him stop. 

not even you.

one last time, you turned to face the place that served you well. it wasn’t you and miles’ apartment on cornelia street anymore, but it would forever hold the love you shared inside of it. at the end of the day, you knew that the walls that resided inside the building had seen generations of love in a multitude of forms. 

in regards to love, you knew that they would never cease to remember you and miles morales.

#dollzluvmali 💗 #e 42 miles morales x reader #miles morales x reader #miles morales x y/n #miles g morales x reader #earth 42 miles morales x reader #miles morales x you #miles g morales x you #earth 42 miles x reader #angst #miles g morales #miles g #42 miles morales #miles morales #miles morales x black!reader #miles g morales x black!reader #black fem reader #atsv #spiderverse fic #itsv

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not noticing I hurt my friend's feelings?

I (24F) had a somewhat close friend (24F) whom I've known since highschool but only got closer to recently. I've had a friend crush on her forever and apparently she did too. We share a lot of interests and we're both neurodivergent (I'm diagnosed with adhd, and we're almost certain she has autism). We also sort of bonded over a shared trauma -- basically we got two-timed several years ago by a really abusive asshole.

Anyway something happened a couple of months ago and I feel our friendship has gone downhill since then. It was multiple occasions really: what would happen is that I would say something impulsively, and she would misinterpret it and get sensitive about it, we talk it out, I apologize, and we move on. But one time it was a bit too much that i burst into tears while texting her because I felt I really hurt her and I felt that all my friendships will go downhill because whenever I get comfortable with someone I just completely lose my filter and end up hurting them. What happened that day was that we were hanging out and a guy apparently told her something sexist but I didn't hear him. She came to me to complain and I sort of brushed it off because from the way she said it happened it just seemed he was vaguely pointing out something but I later understood that I was just wrong. Then her dress had a tiny hole which I pointed out to her in front of my boyfriend rather impulsively and she got really upset about that. Later on I was telling her about a book I'd read that had great autism representation that didn't have the character just be -- and here I did the dinosaur arms thing (no offense whatsoever to people who do that; I know full well it's a common thing, I was just saying the character had more to him than just that). The problem is that she didn't hear the part where I was talking about a book character because we were changing tables in a crowded cafe and I was just talking non-stop because that's what I do and she thought I just did the dinosaur arms out of nowhere and got offended but didn't say so except over text later and just looked unwell for the rest of the next half hour before she suddenly excused herself and left. That day she texted me about all of these things and we talked it out and I pretended that I was not literally having a meltdown all while apologizing (but not before I tried to plead my case a bit). This all happened on the same day, but before that there were other occasions too. One time she would be talking about something, then I change the subject, then she'd say I know you didn't mean to but I wanted you to give a reply to what I just said. Another time we had a particularly bad exam which I did okay on, but she was telling about how she botched it. I couldn't tell from her face how serious it was and I gave her what i thought was a sympathetic smile (which she later told me was a weird smile) because I really didn't know what to say and then turned away to look for my boyfriend to check on him as well. She told me that day that she felt that I brushed her off when she was having a difficult time and didn't console her enough.

It's just multiple things that made me feel that I need to be more on guard around her for her sake. She moved to another city recently and even before that we were texting less and less. I even asked her if she was upset about the cafe day and she said no since I apologized and we talked it out, but I could feel something in our relationship changed. It just felt like such a shame because I felt a great connection between us and I have massive difficulties when it comes to making friends. She was sort of my last friend that I felt close to aside from my boyfriend, and now I can't help thinking that the problem has always been me.

Sorry if the post was too long and sorry for the sob story lol

#aita #am i the asshole

[alessiathepirate]

Hannibal NBC

THE SIMPLICITY THEY SHOULD HAVE: Will Graham x fem!reader

Summary: She liked watching Will do things he actually liked to do. Watching him sit on the floor working on those boat motors was the sight she wanted to see everyday.

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I made while I wrote this short story.

So- I actually looked up an article about boat motors and about how to repair them, so I can describe it in a close-enough way, but in reality I've never seen a single boat motor in my life. So if it isn't desribed like it should be described - I'm sorry.

Warnings: references to Will's work, but surprisingly nothing more

•••

She liked watching Will do things he actually liked to do. The things that made him relaxed, but entertained in a good way.

It didn't only give Will a peace of mind, it also made her feel a certain kind of calmness and safety she's never felt when Will was out working on a case, trying to get into people's minds.

Watching him sit on the floor working on those boat motors as the muscles around his eyes and mouth tensed up from concentration was the sight she wanted to see everyday. When he isn't thinking about anything gruesome, when he isn't scared of nightmares or for her safety, when he is home doing what he likes with all his dogs around him being lazy - that was the sight she liked, those were the happiest moments she had about Will.

It felt domestic. It felt normal.

It felt like something they should have everyday.

The simplicity of it was the thing what made it so special - because otherwise nothing about their relationship was simple.

She was lying on her stomach in their shared bed, keeping herself up on her elbows. She was supposed to be reading, so she can finally finish the book she has started months ago but couldn't find the time to finish because of all the crazy, abnormal things that had been going on. This was the only normal evening they've had in months, the only truly relaxing one, yet the book isn't the real entertainment.

Will on the other hand certainly is.

"It's not very nice to stare."

His voice is truly entertaining too, especially when it's calm, relaxed and slightly teasing.

"I never said I'm a nice person." she said, not even trying to hide her smile.

"Really? I thought I'm dating a nice person." he didn't look up from his work, his hands were still moving the screwdriver he was holding, trying to get a stuck screw out.

"I can be nice." she started, feeling her heart flutter as she noticed how Will's curls were messier than usual - God, he looked cute. "Just not when I have such a handsome boyfriend to look at."

That made Will look up, finding her gaze and making eye contact, abandoning his work for a while. She almost giggled at how his cheeks turned into a slight pink shade at her compliment. She rarely saw Will blush, very rarely.

"Such a charmer."

"I try my best." she smirked. " 'Everything alright with the motor?"

"Yeah, the screw's stuck but it'll be fine." he looked down at the boat motor, then back at her. "So, you abandoned the book again."

"Yes." she answered shortly and then continued: "I found something much more entertaining."

"That's a very nice book." Will voice carried a teasing edge.

"Yeah, well I just decided to enjoy the moment." she lost the smirk and the teasing, and used a sincere smile and honesty instead. "We rarely have a calm evening these days. I'd rather spend it watch- admiring you and talking to you, than look at words my mind can't comprehend right now anyway."

Will lost the smirk too and the small, happy smile he sent her way was truly the cutest thing she's seen him do so far. It wasn't anything big, sure. It wasn't a surprise date, it wasn't a gift she wouldn't need anyway - it was something she really wanted to see: a honest smile. A smile what told her everything and a smile what didn't hold anything back. He was comfortable, well rested and happy - the only thing she wanted.

"Come here." he said those two words softly, there was nothing rude or demanding about it.

She got off the bed and walked toward him. When he patted the floor next to where he was sitting, she understood what he wanted. She sat down next to him and crossed her legs.

"Would you like to help me?"

It was rare that he asked for help - no matter the context.

He trusted her, he loved her - she was sure of that. For a second she was too scared to open her mouth and speak, not wanting to ruin the softness of the moment.

"Of course." she swallowed; she was unable to hold back a smile. "What are we doing?"

"We'll try to remove the propeller so we can replace it with a new one. Then we'll try to find out why the battery is dead and if the spark plug needs to be changed." he explained it slowly and patiently, taking a look at her face here and there, making sure she understands what he's saying. "Sounds good?"

"Yeah. How can I help?"

"If you could get this screw out so we can take the propeller off, that'd be awesome."

"I can try."

She took the screwdriver from him as he turned the boat motor towards her so she can get to work. The first time tried to remove it the screw didn't move at all. That's why the second time she tried it she used more force - and to her surprise the screw moved.

She looked up at Will for a second with a grin. "It looks like that's something only women can do."

"Right. Thanks." she could hear that he was smiling, his pride wasn't hurt like any other man's would be.

"What now?" she asked as she took off the propeller.

"Now we'll take a look at the spark plug..."

And Will started to explain everything. He told her how to take the spark plug out, he explained what the most common problems are that can kill the battery in seconds. He spoke and then let her do the work, praising her when she did something right and chuckling when she messed something up. He corrected her and then watched her work with a smile.

She had a feeling that he likes to explain it to her, he likes the thought that he can teach her something new what isn't criminal profiling or basic self defense stuff.

By the time the motor was taken apart her fingers felt numb and she felt herself getting tired. Will must've felt it too, because he took the wrench she had in her hand.

"Is that all?" she asked.

"No, but I think for today you've done enough."

"Enough good stuff?"

"You've done a wonderful job with this for a rookie." Will's smile was genuine - so was hers.

"Yeah, no surprise you're a teacher. You can explain how everything works really well." she rested her head on his shoulder and even if Will tensed up a little from the sudden affection, he didn't push her away - he pressed a soft, barely even a real kiss to the top of her head.

"I think you should go ahead and lie down. I'll join you in a second."

"No. I'll wait here with you."

And she waited.

She waited until he put the new propeller on. She watched as he checked on the oil. She watched as he started to clean up the mess - putting different tools into the toolbox and cleaning the floor with the rag he had close by.

At some point they changed their position. Maybe it was because of Will moving and turning while trying to not move to far away from her - she didn't know for sure. But she was hugging his shoulders from behind while she rested her chin in the crook of his neck and her legs were wrapped around his waist.

It was a comfortable position for her - and must have been a pretty uncomfortable one for Will.

But he didn't complain. Sometimes he brushed his hand along her shin or knee, or took one of her hands and held it. And it was Heaven.

She couldn't really believe in anything good in this world, not after she saw what the world is like and how bad it actually is. She saw it all through Will's work and night terrors - but one thing was for sure, in that moment she felt like they were both in Heaven. They were home, they were close, the dogs were lazily lying on the rug around them.

It felt safe.

It felt normal.

It felt nice.

"Sweetheart?" she was half asleep when Will finally spoke up, his voice wasn't more than a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Let's go to bed, okay?"

"Sure." she answered, but stayed still for a moment. "Will?"

He hummed and she felt the noise go through his whole body.

"I like these evenings. The calm ones."

Will didn't say anything. He didn't have to. She knew he felt the same way. She knew it because he took her hand and pressed a kiss on it. She knew it because he carried her to bed. She knew it because that night he didn't wake up from a night terror.

She liked watching Will do things he actually liked to do. But she liked it more when he slept calmly.

#nbc hannibal #will graham deserves the world #hannibal #hannibal the series #will graham #will graham x reader #will graham x fem!reader

[copperbadge]

lustfulpasiphae

What do you mean when you say birch sheets? The cabinets in my apartment are kind of rough inside and I've been trying to find better liners than the kind of rubbery stuff

I hope it's okay that I pulled this out to turn into a post of its own, because I took some photos to share :D When I say "birch sheets" I'm just referring to thin 1/8" (3mm) sheets of birch plywood, cut into planks. Here's what they look like installed:

[ID: Two images of cabinets in my home; one, stocked with toilet paper, the other with a large bin in it. Both have long, thin planks of wood covering the original floors.]

I was having an issue with my bathroom cabinet (on the left) because the bottom of the cabinet was water damaged before I moved in, and wasn't molding or anything but had begun to sag. I wanted some stiff thin boards I could pop into place to make a clean, flat floor without having to replace the entire cabinet. I found these birch sheets that were the perfect length, but I had to order like 10 of them and only needed 3 for the bathroom, so I put the rest in a cabinet in the kitchen that happened to have an ugly-looking floor (and apparently misplaced several, not sure what happened to them). It really spruces up the look of a grotty cabinet.

Anyway, this year I was contemplating re-lining my upper kitchen cabinets; I put paper liners down when I was renovating before I moved in, but those only last so long and that was five years ago. I thought I'd install some birch sheets instead, which wouldn't warp or shred the way the paper liners have. My plan is to cover them in freezer paper, pop them in, and then just pop them out every so often and re-line them, which is easier than trying to put the paper straight into the cupboards (awkwardly located for that kind of work) or trying to remove the shelves.

I ordered the ones for the cabinets from somewhere new to me, so can't vouch for the quality yet; I was able to order them custom-cut to the size I wanted at that page, and while it's slightly more expensive per piece, I also only have to buy as many pieces as I need and they should fit snugly, so it's less expensive overall as a purchase. I'll post up when they arrive and I install them!

#naclyoho #home renovation #lustfulpasiphae

[tearskillstardust]

❝MY LETTER TO YOU, MY DARLING❞

014. 𝐋𝐘𝐍𝐄𝐘—purring in my hat, the cat in my heart.

📬 there's a letter for you in your mailbox!

Ma/Mon Chérie,

How are you doing? It quite upsets me that you would not try to contact me even though you have been away for a few weeks now. Still, I do not mind; it must be rather busy, with Mond's constant troubles with artillery. Whatever may it be, which is responsible for keeping you from me for so long— I hope that trouble subsides soon so that we can be together once more.

I have something to share with you. A few days ago, as Lynette and I were giving a performance outside, playing with the cards the way we often do, my gaze fell upon a lone kitten, curled in the corner as she seemingly watched the show. I do not know if it was simply a trick of the light, or if her eyes were simply so majestic, but they seemed to shine when I twisted the cards this way and that, purposely staying at the side of the stage where she could spot me.

When the show was to be over, I had intended to leave to meet and greet the kitten, excited about the new audience as I already was. Alas, however—troops of children surrounded me from all sides, and the kitten, frightened of the pandemonium, fled at last. I have no intention to hide my woe from you—heartbroken I was!

Much to my luck, however, only yesterday as I was on my way back to the House of Hearth, I spotted the very same kitten—bluish eyes, dirty white coat—peeping inside Lynette's room through the open window! It was lucky, indeed, that Lynette was busy working on a few tricks at that moment and had not spotted the kitten, and the kitten was busy admiring the show. I gave her milk and a few treats, of course, rushing I went into my room.

I think you know what I'll say next. We have adopted her. I'd rather that you give her a name so I've been calling her my little pie for a while now, I think she's getting a bit too used to it so I've stopped with that.

I won't give you a chance to object, so let's move on. Honestly, I have so many stories to share with you, if only you were here by my side. While I don't mind having to write, stories are told better with lights off and a candle in place; the ambience isn't good enough on a piece of paper.

This is why I won't tell you any more of these silly occurrences and save them for later instead. All you should know, however, is that we have adopted no more pets and Father is quite satisfied with the workings of the place. He'll visit us when the year ends, and I've made arrangements for you to enjoy the day with another friend. I still hope I could join you, or that you could join me, but I think even the sweet thought of you is good enough for me to go on.

You may be curious— Rosseland has a new companion in the kitten. Lynette and Freminet are amazing as usual, under the care of their responsible elder brother. I'd ask Charlotte about her health, but it would put mine in danger. She seems to be in high spirits though. Madame Clorinde dropped by one day and asked me to this package to you. I really wonder what it is ...

Anyways, I think this is enough for one correspondence, and I'll wait until you're free enough to engage my endless, and quite useless, thirst for speaking.

Yours,

Lyney

p.s: Keep a small batch of matchsticks under your pillow tonight, and when you wake up, burn them to ashes. When you turn that favourite ceramic vase of yours over, something you may desire a lot right now will fall right out of it!

taglist→ @navxry

please comment on the master post to be added to the taglist, thank you !

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #genshin headcanons #genshin letters #💌my letter to you my darling #lyney genshin #genshin lyney #lyney x reader #genshin impact lyney

[always-is-always]

JK's ear lobes...... 🐰

It's just one of those little tiny details that I just can't let go of sometimes. Especially when people are posting photos of Jungkookie in uniform, and the ear lobes don't match up....

Yes. The ear lobes. 😁

It is the biggest little detail that those mopes forget about, while they are photoshopping Kookie's face onto someone else's head.

Why might the ear lobes matter, you might wonder?

A lot of ARMYs already know the answer, but evidently there is an element within the fandom that totally overlooks it. That element is responsible for many of those fake photos that are making their way around the internet. The most recent is the one of Jimin sitting at a table at meal time, and it looks like Kookie is also sitting there (with another soldier in-between them). Guess what? Those are NOT Kookie's ear lobes. (Huh?? You might be wondering..)

Yeah. Those ear lobes are not attached.. Jungkook has attached ear lobes. It is a genetic trait that many in Asia have. Far more than what we see here in the West. (I researched it several years ago, out of curiosity.)

So when we see someone posting a photo that looks like Jungkook, yet something is off, take a peek at the ears. Your answer is right there, 99.9% of the time. Easy-peezy.

That meal time photo also has something really weird going on with the forearm and hand that is supposed to be Jungkook's. That is the other dead giveaway.

Anyway.... I just thought I'd share some rambling words here, about our beloved Jungkook and his sweet ears. Because, there are too many out there sharing bogus photos, who have no qualms or conscience about it. It's not cool, especially when baby ARMYs believe what they are seeing.

I'm hoping that we will eventually get some real photos from Jimin and Jungkook, in the coming weeks or so. Maybe after they reach their 100 day milestone (March 20th) and get an actual weekend off, they will drop something... we can hope, right?

In the meantime, I’ll keep fingers crossed! 💜

#jeon jungkook #jk #jungkookie #jungkooks ears #jungkook #no fake jungkook photos here #missing jungkookie

[macravishedbymactavish]

hi, can you please do pros and cons of dating captain price?

This was incredibly fun to write, thanks anon!! ❤️

| Blog HQ | MW2 Masterlist | Merrick's Version | Hesh & Logans Version |

3 pros and 3 cons of dating John Price

Pros

He's a planner, especially when it comes to you and your wellbeing

You held back a snort, watching as your boyfriend brought threw his bag into the backseat before getting in himself.

Softly sighing under your gaze he mindlessly mumbled "just say it, already" as he started driving.

"You remembered your purse, I see" you chuckled, finding it forever amusing that he always had his backpack when the two of you would go out.

Your amusement was cut short later that day when the weather took a turn and the wind picked up. Crossing your arms over your chest, grumbling about how John always seemed to be warm no matter the situation; you missed him sliding the bag off his one shoulder.

"Here" he simply stated, holding out a sweater for you to put on. "Low chance of showers today, but thought I'd bring sweaters just in case"

He is the king of home DIY. You want anything upgraded, fixed or built? He's got this.

"Hey, so I was thinking" you started one afternoon, leaning against the door of your shared bathroom. Explaining to your boyfriend the shelf idea you had seen on your phone a few hours earlier.

"Let me finish showering and we can go to the shop to buy supplies"

He always offers you a drink or snack whenever he gets up to grab one for himself. Sometimes brings you one back anyway (even if you said no)

"I'm going to grab something to drink, would you want anything?" He pointed toward the kitchen as he stood from the couch.

Cons

Totally does the "I was not asleep" thing when he was 100% asleep. Will fight to the end of his life that he was not sleeping

"Wake up, John" you whispered, nudging his arm. You came home to find your boyfriend laying on the couch asleep, controller on the floor.

Giving you a small groan, before shifting closer into the cushions he mumbled: " 'm awake"

Rolling your eyes, you opted against arguing that he was sound asleep not even a second ago. Shoving his legs back, you sat on the couch with him. Hand running over his bicep as he slowly woke up, stretching his shoulders as he explained that he was wide awake that entire time.

Gossips like a little old lady. Usually in public when he runs into someone he knows.

You stood awkwardly off to the side, shifting your weight between the heels and balls of your feet. John had been chatting with an old colleague of his in a random isle of the shop for at least 15 minutes.

While they were deep in conversation, you had excused yourself to not only finish the grocery shopping as planned, but also pay for and load said groceries into the vehicle. Only to come back to the isle to find they hadn't moved more than an inch.

"I should let the two of you get back to your shopping. We should meet up for a pint sometime though" his friend smiled, patting his shoulder before bidding you a polite goodbye.

"Sorry love, now what do we need to buy from here?" John smiled at you, eyebrow raising when you gave him an amused expression in return. Grabbing his hand, leading him out of the store as he slowly realized just how long he had been visiting for.

Has unconsciously used his work voice during some of your more heated arguments

Not that he ever means to, as with most people work stays at work. Home stays at home. We don't blur the lines.

Except the rare nights where emotions are high, words are escaping both your lips before your brains can process them.

"Are. We. Clear?" He enunciated, voice firm as he stared down at you. Irises hidden behind his pupils as his jaw locked.

Equally as angry, you simply spat: "Yes, Captain" before turning on your heel to go cool off.

There were many apologies shared the next morning when you both calmed down.

Taglist: @bloodonmyhands-1221 @bowtruckleninja @v1naco

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #captain john price #captain john price headcanons #captain john price x reader #cod mw2 #cod mw2 headcanons #call of duty modern warfare 2 headcanons

[in-hav3n]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 ?

Friends with benefits is a great idea...until feelings are involved. But what will happen if you discovered those feelings are shared?

WARNINGS : NSFW - sex scene - age gap

Ten minutes now that you were pacing around your hotel room, thinking and trying to connect what you just heard a few minutes ago. No doubt your foot prints would stayed forever on the hotel room's carpet if you kept walking like this all night long. You were concerned. Concerned cause you just discovered something you weren't supposed to discovered…or maybe, you had to? You couldn't tell.

An half hour ago, while walking through the corridor of the hotel were you were all staying during the summer tour with the band, you overheard something. You know it's impolite to listen to others conversation but when you heard something that could be concerning yourself, you decided it was a good reason to not respect this common rule.

You immediately recognized James voice as the one talking and what he was confessing to Kirk - you recognized him too really easily when he said, a bit too loud, your name - surprised you.

"I have feelings for a girl…she's really special. She's made for me, I know it. We have the same tastes, we get along so well...But I can't tell my feelings, I'd be afraid to do it. I'm sure she'll laugh at me or won't believe me cause..we're not supposed to have feelings for what we're doing together since months…".

"Are you talking about (X/Y)? I'm glad you finally admit it dude cause I think everyone in the crew had realized this since months..."

And this is how you realized he was talking about you.

You started to work for Metallica two years ago and you got along very well with the band since the beginning. They welcomed you in their family and as their new PA, you spend a lot of time with them. It wasn't easy everyday for sure but they were so kind and funny that it made you forget all the difficult times you could had. After a year, you started to get close to James. You both had a difficult childhood and similar issues and maybe this helped. But he was so kind with you and sometimes protective that it pleased you a lot. You were some kind of two broken souls that needed comfort and this is how all it began. But you were both aware of the fact that he was a rockstar, you were working for them. It was better then to be friends with benefits than to have a real relationship.

For a couple of months, it was fun. You just enjoyed each other presence to have fun and distract yourself from the stress of touring and everything. But after one wild night, when you were watching him sleeping, you discovered the truth. You had caught feelings for him...and let's say, strong feelings. You could felt it in your soul. And the more you were having sex together, the more you realized you were truly in love with him. But you knew it wasn't reciprocal and so you decided to kept this for yourself. You decided anyway to kept this agreement you had cause after all, it was better than nothing.

And now you just discovered that those feelings were shared by James. What to do? That's the question you had in mind since ten minutes now. Until you arrived at this conclusion : it was better to tell the truth, even if could mean the end of your friendship. But you wanted the truth, you wanted to hear him telling you what you just heard and confessed to him your feelings. You couldn't keep that for yourself any longer...

Standing in front of his suite's door, you took one last breath before knocking. Your hands were shaking and you mentally coached yourself to be brave and to acted normally and cool. The door opened on James, only wearing his bathrobe, his hair still a bit wet from the shower he just took. Gosh, this won't help, you thought for yourself.

"Hey darling. Were we supposed to meet tonight?", he asked gently but still with a frown. You had some sort of a secret code together when you wanted to have sex and he was wondering if maybe he forgot it.

You shook your head. "No. Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure, come in", he stepped back to let you in. You smelled his masculine shower gel as walking by and it drove you crazy. This reminded you the taste of his skin. James closed the door behind you and stood up in front of you. You faced him even if your legs felt heavy and no longer a support. Your mind tried to remember the speech you prepared but it's like your brain washed away any idea you got.

"Are you okay? You seem... confused" he asked, frowning again, as he drank some water from a glass. His bathrobe opened a little, exposing some parts of his chest. It was difficult to resist. C'mon, you can do it!

"James, can I ask you something?", he nodded, encouraging you to go on. "Do you enjoy our meetings ?".

"You mean, what we have together? Yes I do enjoy it. Why? Do you want to stop?". He asked with a frown and you wondered if you didn't see some hint of deception inside his pupils. Time to proceed of the plan you settled...

"So for you, it's not a problem if you're having sex with someone without... Having feelings for that person", you added, walking over him with slow steps. He didn't seem to understand your thoughts and maybe he needed a little help. James looked confused now, frowning as looking down on you. You could feel his hot breath against your lips.

"W-What are you talking about?", he mumbled as seeing you so close. Now his desire for you were awaken and he wanted desperately to kiss you deep and strong. But you didn't seem to be there for that apparently...

"How come you can have sex with a girl without feeling something for her? I mean, sex is so intimate..." you placed your hands on the sides of his bathrobe, not leaving his gaze. "you must feel something else than just desire and pleasure". His pupils darkened again but you could also see his cheek flushing a little. You were right. But still he didn't seem to want to admit it. He needed you to push him further to confess.

"Sweetheart, are you drunk or something cause I-I don't understand...?" , he said as you guided him over the couch behind him, gently pushing him to sit down. His bathrobe opened a little with he movement and you bite your lips when you noticed he was naked under it. Slowly, you climbed on his lap, circling his neck with your arms, sitting on him. You were wearing a summer dress and your clothed womanhood felt his bulge through the fabric. This was enough to aroused you more.

James hands glided along your legs, thighs, removing your dress to slowly exposed your ass, gripping it sharply. You let out a moan of surprise and from the look he was giving to you right now, you could tell he got all your attention.

"Answered my question..." you whispered against his lips but you kept a distance willingly. You didn't want to give him a kiss now, you wanted answers first. But you allowed yourself to kiss his neck sensually, as moving your hips on his crotch, feeling his bulge growing under you. It was ecstatic and it was just the beginning of this game.

James groaned when you refused to kiss him and pushed on your ass to make you roll closer on him. "Which question baby...?" he said low as admiring your moves on him. He couldn't wait to get what he wanted but he also loved a bit of foreplays before.

You trailed kisses along his neck and jaw until you locked your eyes again with him. "About sex and feelings...", you clarified and moved on the other side of his face to spread kisses. James head leaned against the couch as he moaned low again.

"What-What do you want to know?" he started to pant when he felt your right hand opening his bathrobe to expose his naked body. As you untied the knock, his dick showed up, proudly erected against his stomach. He was fully hard and this was exactly what you wanted. You grinned at the view and softly took his erection in your hand, stroking him in a slow pace, your forehead resting against his to put your gaze into his beautiful blue eyes.

"What do you feel?" you whispered against his lips, stroking him, your thumb caressing slowly his tip at the same time.

"I feel good..this feels good", he groaned harder this time, gripping the edge of the leather couch on each side of him. You shook your head with a mischievous smile.

"Wrong answer baby...What do you feel...about me?", you finally let out what you wanted to know. You stopped moving your hand but you still gripped his dick. You wanted to keep this kind of power on him. James opened his eyes and looked at you with some kind of panic in his eyes. He didn't say anything for a moment and you knew that the blush on his cheeks were provoked by his thoughts and not by what you were doing to him. It was now or never, you thought

"I'm tired to play James....I love those moments we share together and it's not just about sex, it's more than that. I love being with you, sharing this with you. I love the way you look at me, the way you touch me and make me feel. I love you...", you finished your sentence with a desperate sigh. It was the moment of truth.

James looked at you, surprised. He definitely didn't expect such confession. But you hoped that he'd finally confessed his...Tired of his silence, you were about to say something else when suddenly, James hand grabbed your neck and in a few seconds, his lips crashed on yours for the most sensual and hungry kiss you've ever shared. Your tongue danced together quickly, connecting with one another, as your hand left his dick to rush into his short soft hair. James held you tighter, closer to his chest, to have you as close as possible whilst his hands cupped your head to intensify the kiss. This embrace was needy and meaningful at the same time.

James lips left yours after this short moment of passion and he opened his eyes to look at you. You were both slightly panting, catching your breath. But you noticed something was different in the way he was looking at you, it wasn't the same gaze, the same emotions he was given you through his blue eyes.

"What do I feel ?", he said again, still holding your head. "I feel something I've never felt since a long time for someone (X/Y), it's strong, indescribable, amazing but bringing so much confusion at the same time..."

"Then don't speak...and prove it to me those feelings are real", you whispered and gasped at the same time, almost desperate for it as you bite gently his lower lip. You noticed a slight flame burning inside his already dark pupils and you knew it was the time.

No need to say it twice to James. His hands quickly undressed you, removing your panties that he threw far away in the room not caring of where it landed. You gasped of surprise when he did it but you giggled of pleasure. He spat in his palm and covered his dick with it.

"Think you're ready for me sweetheart?", you nodded with a cocky smile and slowly moved on him to lined up yourself with his dick and when you feel you're at the right place, you slowly glided on it, your hands on his shoulders for some support. You knew you were wet enough for him.

"Oh god...", you moan when you felt him going completely inside of you, stretching your walls. James groaned and looked at every details of your face as you sat down on him.

"You're so tight and hot baby", he said with needy tone as kissing the place between your neck and chest.

"feel so good..." you moaned as closing your eyes, feeling the pleasure invading you as you started to move slowly on his long member, one hand putting off your dress at your hips. James hands found a good place on your ass, helping you in your movements. He looked at you with a loving gaze, feeling a pure sensation of pleasure going through his veins but also of love. He was happy you felt the same feelings, he was happy to see that maybe this love could be real.

Without warning you, he lifted you up and gently laid you down on the couch, his dick still inside you. You moaned of surprise and giggled, holding his neck for support and once on your back, you opened your legs so he could leaned on you, his hands now gripping your hips. You pulled him close, wanting his face close to yours, you wanted to kiss him, to feel his body against yours.

James moved slowly his pelvis, his cock trusting in you with a slow pace, hitting your spot sweetly.

"Oh James!", you whined of pleasure, hugging him tight. Each thrust was a pure exatsy, even stronger compares to what you had before. Maybe because now the feelings were real? Your body shivered of pleasure every time James was pulling off to enter back in you, his eyes always locked with yours. Your pussy was getting wetter, helping every pushes he was giving and as he was getting deeper in you, your moans were louder as well as his groans.

"Oh baby you feel so fucking good...taking my cock so well", he whispered like a mantra, looking sometimes under you to see how well you were taking his cock. You close your eyes and bite your lip. You can't take it any longer. "I love so much making love to you like this". You reopened your eyes and looked at him, surprised. It was the first time he ever said something like this to you. You smiled and let out an ecstatic laugh of pleasure. He said it, he confirmed what you just knew. He loved you. And this was enough to pull you over the edge.

"Oh yes, love me James...please...", you begged him with moans and whimpers as your nails nearly rigged inside his forearms. James bite his lower lips, a sweat drop coming from his forehead as he thrusted a bit faster in you, changing a bit his angle so he could hit your spot. Hearing you whining louder, he knew you were about to cum.

"Come for me sweetheart...", he commanded, moving faster again. You nodded and closed your eyes, as you felt an heat of pleasure blooming inside your lower belly, announcing your climax. You smiled and embraced it, as you feel it exploded inside you like a bomb of thousands feelings.

"James...oh yes, yes, yes!", you shouted as your lower back arched strongly, pushing him deeper. He gripped your chest, holding you close, smiling proudly at the effect he had on you. "Oh my god...", you panted hard as you felt the last effects running through your veins. You cupped James face and looked at him with a loving gaze, moving your hips with him to make him cum now.

"Cum inside me baby...please...love me like you said", you begged again and feeling your pussy so hot, so tight against his dick was already enough to bring him to his climax too.

"Sa-Say it a-gain baby..." he panted hard, looking desperately at you. His grip was harder on your hips skin.

"Love me James...", he thrusted once more and soon groaned loud as he kept saying "I'm gonna cum..."and came hard inside you, gripping you tighter, leaving thumbs marks but you didn't care. He unloaded himself groaning low, closing his eyes. He was so sexy, you thought as looking at him with a smile. He was panting hard, going out slowly of you.

"What do you feel?", you asked after a moment, caressing his handsome sweaty face with your fingertips. James caught his breath and bend over you to kiss you deep before giving you the answer you dreamed of since a long time...

"I feel love... I love you (x/y)...and I want to love you again and again".

A/N : Thank you @ridethehet for my first request ever!! Hope you'll like it honey <3

#james hetfield #james hetfield x reader #papa het #request #request 1 #1 #first smit eveeer #load era james #hope you'll like it guys #had so much fun writing this #james hetfield fiction #james hetfield imagine

[cooki3face]

messages from someone who let go of you

message: I’m so obsessed with my tarot table set up that I couldn’t help but share it with you guys. I felt pulled to do a message from people who may have left you behind or moved on from you. This message is meant for those of you who have somewhat moved on or are somewhat far removed. You may have distant memories or have thoughts of this person still that feel somewhat against you or random due to so much time having passed or your life having changed so much since then. I keep hearing “I’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend, it’s not what he’s for made for.” From Billie’s song, I don’t remember what it’s called, “what was I made for?” I was so unprepared to come out here and read tarot that my phone is at 20% but I came out and lit up all my candles anyways and sat down at my table. This will be a channeled message, directly from them to you. Enjoy.

***

i.

"I'm not real sure where I'm going or what's left of me to do now. I feel as though I've done everything I said I would or put myself in the position to receive everything I possibly could, I feel like I've obtained and had everything there is for me to have and yet, there's this emptiness. I'd like to say that I would equate the loss of you to the emptiness I feel but to say the loss of you would not fully encapsulate the responsibility I carry for not being there and leaving you more times than we can count on all ten of our fingers put together. I still like to tell myself and others that it was not a big deal, that the loss of you, of us, was not a big deal. I will find a way to minimize anything and everything that means all of anything to me in order to hide the fact that it is so painfully important and you know this already. I am not ignorant to the reality of the situation, the loss, and my behavior. I know better I just couldn't do better. Since you've been gone, things have not been any less chaotic or trivial. Your absence leaves hard lessons here that I could not foresee while you were here. I keep saying since you've been gone, or since you've left, or in your absence because it feels as though you've left me, I may have left you plenty in spirit, I may have left a void within you so frequently that at some point you did leave.

you left me with no choice but to pick up and leave. I've been forced to carry all my bags and pull all my karma up the hill all by myself now that you're gone and life has thrown at me lesson after lesson. I do not know where life will take me or what's in store for me or what else there is for me to have now that what I would've really wanted has voluntarily bowed out of my life and left only tower moments and lessons. I cannot get over the way that it feels for justice to have finally come for you and served you right after all this time of me not being able to deliver it to you myself. I find myself brought to tears or battling excessive bouts of emotion behind you not being here and I have nobody to cry to and nobody to blame but myself. I am trying to let go, I am trying to release what is no longer a reality for me any longer. You.

I lost such a massive opportunity for my own fulfillment when you walked out the door. I hated to see your back to me I hated to see you go but I understand that you were tired and I understand that all my time I spent fearing your abandonment I manifested such a reality for myself by being afraid. All the pushing I did, all the damage I did, all the hurt and destruction I caused being someone whose shadow eclipsed them because I let it. Now, all I've been doing is trying to heal and trying to do the inner work like you told me so many times, all that time ago. I feel as though my future leads nowhere now truly, I may have felt that way when you were around but even throughout all my hopelessness and hardship, I always thought I'd find my way to you in the end and now that you're not here there lies no reward.

***

ii.

I've learned so much now that I am away, many things make sense to me that didn't before, I see things so much clearer than I had previously. There is so much within this world, on this plane of existence for me, for us, to see and understand. My departure was necessary however sudden or abrupt, everything I've done I've done for love and there is never a lack of purpose behind my actions and I wish so badly that I had the ability to tell you all these things directly, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, my heart aches. I still think of you however far removed I may be, I still think of you no matter what it may seem like, I still think of you despite my wish not to. I am not heartbroken nor am I half of a whole. I am in my power, I am willing and able to reach towards all horizons and create the life I had deserved for myself all along that you could not give me despite all my time spent sitting idle waiting for you. Please do not mistake my willingness to come through and communicate as me being truly unhappy or ungrounded, I am not. I have returned home to myself and wherever I go, whomever I am with, and however much I change I will always reside here.

I have discovered things within this life and within this realm that I thought for many years and even before you that I could not have and now I have them. So I am not unhappy or discontented, but, you are not gone from my heart and from my mind despite how much I've grown and despite how much I've discovered myself to have. I do not love you the way I used to and so at times I do find myself plagued solely with confusion as to why at random moments I find myself thinking of you. I have proved to myself that I could have the whole entire world within the palms of my hands but I carry with me a secret and that is you. I build high walls of my kingdom around the memorial that is your absence in my life. And when things fall away and succumb to time and go back to the earth from which they came, we remember them and we pay careful attention not to disturb them, we let bygones be bygones. Your essence is with me, you are here in spirit but I refuse to trudge up what's passed gone back up again simply because I have the capacity to remember.

because you are not here and because we share the connection that we share or had once what we had, there is a part of me that lies within me that sometimes is confused or or feels clueless about what the rest of my life will look like without you, whether or not I will always remember, whether or not the small memorial you have within my spirit will be given a mural, whether or not even in deep and aligned partnership and connection I will find myself wondering where you are. I store your heart within mine. Sometimes, even if I am not heartbroken or paralyzed with loss I become frustrated or angry because I can't bring myself to understand what lies ahead of me through what I have holding within me now, these memories. But, where I am afraid, or angry, or confused I show myself mercy and grace. I say to myself, "What meant something to us once is not always easily forgotten." Before I left you behind and found the strength within myself to do so, I feared deeply that without you I would find myself alone eternally, I still feel to some extent that that might even be a possibility but the difference is I do not fear it this time. I will be brave, I will not live my life paralyzed by possibility and I will do my darndest to give myself everything I needed and was ever owed.

And I will never be angry that it does not include you if I find that it does not. There is no sentence more immeasurable than a lifetime so I will do only what I can do and make it a good one and leave everything else up to be decided to spirit.

***

iii.

I think of you and the way I walked away frequently. You were a piece of a revealing story. You proved that I was struggling, you proved that I had deeply rooted things I refused to dig through or acknowledge, you proved my actions were detrimental, that my shadow is large and looming. I attempt to run from myself every single day from the second I rise in the morning to the moment my head hits the pillow. To see yourself clearly in the mirror when you've done so much to obstruct the reflection is misery. My spirit yearns for healing and for me to answer to its wailing but I don't like the sound. I have to hear it all the same anyway even If I don't like it, your absence has left my ears ringing, I feel like the truth of my reflection is being pulled out of me in knots. I'm at a loss for words, I find myself feeling as though in my ways, I've cheated myself out of an opportunity that was you. I feel like I have no plan in store for me like I've been stranded on an island with only myself to talk to. I can't see myself having anything fulfilling without you being here, everything I build I knock down, everything I find my grip around slips right through my fingers.

I've been working so hard to dress myself up, to make myself look dazzling and shiny and new just as something I would reach for regardless of it not being gold, but, my old way of doing things is no longer working. There is no void so deep. there is nothing left to do but wade in the marsh that is the consequence of my own actions and I am afraid. I know that you cannot hear me over the sound of your joy and the sound of heavenly support but I wish that you could. The second I could not reach you any longer the fabric I'd sewn made from whatever I told myself at night and whatever I felt I could've had had been ripped from beneath me. I am angry because I feel that what I have reaped is unfair. I have made no progress where true progress lies, I feel disappointed and displeased. Whatever I've found myself having, worldly or in spirit is not enough. Your wrath is hellish and you've not even lifted a finger.

If I were to speak to you in the flesh, I would still find myself lying, seething as if what I've received is unfair, and hiding behind ego because it is all I have to offer at this time. I have not changed, I don't know that I am capable. Please have mercy on me. Please forgive me. I have a tendency to look at you almost religiously, if God lived on earth beside us, he/she would be you. I'm far removed from spirit, I do not know how to pray, I do not hear their messages, I do not know my way, and you, a beacon of light, have left. I'm trying to let go, I'm trying to teach myself to see things differently, I am trying to do or find something. And after all of this, If I were to speak to you, you would show me some grace, you would still wish me well, you would still want the best for me or want me to turn inwards and heal. All I want all the time is your blessing. It has taken everything in me not to turn up on your doorstep as I feel I've been exiled. Every time I've washed up unannounced or without your permission both in the physical and in the astral was a call for help, to let you know that my shadow is looking straight at me and there is nothing I can do about it.

All I have to say now is that you were right about everything and what I have received I am owed and what is fair is fair. I hope that you are free and I hope for my own.

***

Do I even wanna post this?? Please, all I can think is GIRL, WHAT IS THIS??? I know I’m the one who wrote it but when I’m channeling it never feels as though it’s coming directly from me, I’m only a vessel at that point, the only credit I feel I can take in the moment is the fact that it is my fingers who is typing it. If you’re an intuitive or a reader of some sort you know exactly what I’m talking about but these messages are so dramatic. While writing them the part of me that was present was like “oh please! 🙄✋🏾 pack it up!!” But anyways, let me post it before I chicken out.

#self love #self care #self improvement #self discovery #dream girl #self expression #healingjourney #self healing #manifestation #divine feminine #divine masculine #messages from spirit #messages from your person #tarot #pac reading #pac #tarot readings #tarot readers of tumblr

[monstersinthecosmos]

I'm so glad you're back!! I was so panicked when I saw your blog was gone, because you are truly one of the absolute stars of VC fandom!!

I joined VCblr a few months ago because I have been obsessed with Marius since I was 13, like my Marius obsession literally changed my life in multiple ways and I saw VC was becoming popular again so I wanted to join in! but like one of my first posts got these comments from people I'd never even spoken to before about how I was disrespecting Marius and his fans, and to be a little dramatic the way some of these comments were written, I felt like some of them seemed to actually really hate me personally. It just killed my desire to write fic or meta anymore so I just deleted my tumblr and now I just have an empty one so I can lurk on people. Like I have really limited time and energy for fandom, and I don't want to spend it writing stuff that people just hate seeing and making them feel bad, and then feeling bad myself for liking the stuff I like.

Anyway, I found your blog a little while ago and I am OBSESSED with your creativity and your perspective on like everything, so I'm sorry to be a weird rambling anon but basically I'm just trying to say your blog has made a difference to how I feel about my own freaky way of loving Marius and I just love your openness and acceptance and your ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS A++ MARIUS TAKES and you genuinely have improved my VC experience 100% and I'm glad you haven't been erased from existence.

ugh see this is what I mean dude!! I'm so sorry to hear you had that experience!!!!!! Please talk to me off anon any time, I'd love to see your posts if you wanna come back and share again!

I BRING THIS UP NOW AND THEN so I'm sorry if I'm like a rambling old man telling the same story 400 times, but, now and then I think it bears repeating. But like, when I was 13, a boy at my school bashed my head open on a locker (I had to go to the hospital and get my head stapled shut) and he punched me in the face so hard that I have permanent ligament damage in my jaw. And it was because I was like, a baby bat and I was into numetal and Wicca and I was like the only kid in my small town school who didn't go to church. The day it happened I was wearing a Korn shirt!!! And I had blue hair! And I'd been like very intensely bullied my whole time in middle school, and the adults in my life NEVER protected me. This was RIGHT after Columbine and people were still buying into the propaganda that the killers were bullied goth kids and not fucking neo-nazis, so like, the entire time I was getting violently harassed, every day!, no one protected ME because they thought I would turn out to be the violent one. And yet, I was being put on hit lists. I had a gun pointed at me. A boy one time stole my Wicca book out of my backpack and read it to the class to make fun of me, but *I'm* the one who got in trouble for it because they thought I wanted to cast spells & curses on my classmates. The boy who assaulted me was a KNOWN problem in our school, and I wasn't even the first girl he hurt! MEANWHILE I still got a week of detention for having my head bashed open because they said I started the fight. ((This is up for debate: Yes I actually did throw the first punch LMFAO but he HAD been teasing me incessantly for like ever so like come the fuck on. I deserved that one.))

idk why I was just born like, without any shame or something, I guess it's innate, the rebel streak, I can't explain, but none of this really hurt my feelings? Every time people would make fun of me I was thinking "Yeah but I love Korn and they're so COOL and if you're making fun of me that means you're NOT cool and I don't really value anything you have to say????" And that really sustained me through all of this.

So yatta yatta terfs & conservatives poisoned the fandom well on Tumblr and I always think that it's not so different -- being picked on because you like something weird & offputting or whatever, and being treated like a threat or a danger when you're the one who's vulnerable to harassment and violence. In the digital space on Tumblr it's going to be about like kinky stuff and villainfucking and IRL it was because I was the only goth at my school and I liked horror films. It's the same shit, being harassed because of the fiction you like and the media you consume. And on Tumblr it's people being absolute fucking dickheads and IRL it was me being put in the hospital because a guy put his fucking hands on me, he was that upset that I was into cool shit.

And just. Yknow. It does suck when you want fandom to be a chillout space and you get your feelings hurt. It fucking SUCKS when people show up here specifically to be unkind to others, like I can't think of a less productive use of time. But part of me always thinks "I didn't get my head stapled shut for some grassless little fucking weasel on tunglr dot com to shame me over vampire porn" lmao.

(As an aside if you ever want to look into other examples of people being IRL fucked over over STUFF THEY LIKE, google the West Memphis Three ((innocent metalheads who did 20 years on death row because people thought the weird metal boys MUST be murderers)) or the FBI trying to file Juggalos as a GANG which means anyone who had an ICP phase and got a Hatchetman tattoo as an 18 year old is now in jeopardy of losing their fucking children for affiliating with a gang, okay. And this isn't even to scratch the surface of the way people treat hip hop and way it's mired in racism. Censorship and thought policing are always going to come down to Christofascism and white supremacy, but I digress.)

So blah blah all that to say, I'm not going anywhere and it pisses me the fuck off that people can't keep this bullshit to their private group chats. I have NO idea what anyone gains by acting like this in public.

Like, yeah yeah, fandom is silly, whatever, but hobbies are legit! And we deserve a space to unwind that isn't ruined by capitalism and bigotry and just, some little space to land. ESPECIALLY when, let's be real!, it's very very very common for fandom folks to be neurodivergent. I mean why else would we be so obsessed and blorbo-sick lol. So like, it just feels extra fucking shitty of people to be rude to fans like that, to make you feel shame for the thing that excites you.

Fandoms SELF GENERATE. Someone has to be here posting shit and we have to interact with it and create community. And genuinely if all you can contribute is your horseshit attitude, you can go fuck yourself!!! And I can't begin to tell you how much it breaks my heart when I see this infighting in one fandom, because like, being a Marius fan - BELIEVE ME - when I tell you I've done my time as persona non grata, the antis have fucking come for me LMFAO, I'm on the blocklists, I've been accused of absolutely heinous bullshit for liking a stupid fake vampire character. Like, listen!

I've had my head bashed open on a locker for liking numetal! You're not going to chase me off Tumblr!!!!!!

Anyway this got away from me, idk what I'm trying to say, I'm saying that I'm so sorry you had a bad experience and I hope you come back some time! And I encourage everyone to block & curate your space as needed to make for a happy escape zone. EVEN BLOCKING ME, I KNOW I GET ON PEOPLES NERVES SOMETIMES. And my content isn't for everyone! It's fine! Stay safe please, and I love you, and I have your fucking back dude!!!

AND EVERYONE ELSE JUST, HOLY SHIT BE NICE TO PEOPLE. IT COSTS $0 TO BE FUCKING NICE TO PEOPLE. IF YOU'RE NOT BEING CREATIVE YOU'RE BEING DESTRUCTIVE!

#fandom lolitics