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#they don't make movies like that anymore etc etc
sailor-aviator · 2 days
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Hey.
Go ahead and get settled because this will be...long, in true Liz fashion.
So, by now I'm sure most of you have heard what's happened. If not, you can search this blog for some answers or others for more.
I joined this fandom offiicially at the end of September after being a long time lurker. I had just lost my job and times were uncertain for me. I felt inspired to write, and as someone whose formative years were shaped by the fandom experience, I wanted to feel that sense of belonging again - to feel like a part of a community. I've talked about it on here before, but I started my fandom days in the original Hunger Games fandom when the first movie had just come out, and then I shifted gears towards the SuperWhoLock fandom. If you know anything about SuperWhoLock, then you know you had to have pretty tough fucking skin to be a part of any of it.
Of course, this was back in the day when fandom was an actual community and not authors having to beg for scraps of engagement and people thinking its a numbers game. I was a fairly large blog within the SuperWhoLock community (Waywardly-Carrying-On was the username), but I left fandom for a few years because life got hectic and I felt like I had outgrown the fandom itself as I was no longer watching any of the shows. As the years went on, I started to yearn for the fandom experience again, which is how I found myself dipping toes into several different ones.
I was so excited to publish my first fanfic. I had convinced myself that I wasn't a good writer (much to the chagrin of my irl friends), and I had put a pause on writing my original story. I wanted to write this idea about a cowboy and a girl using characters that I had grown to love like I did way back in my older days. So, I started posting, and I was so excited for the story, that I kept posting almost daily. MamaMay was one of the first people to embrace not only my story, but me as a person into the fandom. She made me feel welcomed and wanted.
Pretty much right off the bat I was already getting anons telling me that I was being too much and that I needed to calm down with all the posting. I was confused because...this is Tumblr. It's literally a blogging website? Why wouldn't I post? I decided to ignore the mean words (not before giving my opinion, of course) and kept on doing my thing. Well, the anons got continually worse and worse. I had a suspiscion as to who the anons could be, but I never had concrete proof. So, I experimented with blocking suspects until finally it worked. I'm not naming names because that's not my style, so don't even bother asking.
The fact of the matter is, some of you have entered fandom spaces for the first time, and you don't know how to act. You don't care to learn fandom etiquette as you've made abundantly clear by calling fandom olds every name under the sun while utilizing the anonymous feature. Newsflash, you're part of the problem. You're the reason why authors don't want to publish anymore. You are the reason that something that's supposed to be fun is starting to feel like a goddamn chore.
How many times can authors on here say that we aren't machines? We have lives outside of this website: family, friends, jobs, school, etc. Some of you really are just hellbent on making everyone around you miserable, and it's sad. You can't just leave well enough alone and let people enjoy something, no you feel like everyone has to enjoy it the same way as you.
Some of you go after authors on here because of some weird sense of jealousy too. I don't know why my shit blew up, babe, I really don't. But I started out with no followers and no support just like everyone else. I'll tell you what helped me though: following fandom etiquette and reaching out to other creators to build an actual community. None of this "I've reblogged three of your things and now I'm messaging you so that you return the favor." No, I reached out to make actual friendships which is what fandom is SUPPOSED to be. If someone was clearly not interested, it was fine!! I backed off and kept doing my own thing.
Some of you think being mean on the internet makes you big and bad. Guess what! It doesn't! It's loser mentality and I feel genuinely sorry for you. I'm sorry that people in your own life made you feel so small as to feel like you had to lash out at strangers on the internet who are just trying to have fun.
Anyway, this is my really long way of saying that I am taking a break for a little bit. I have no idea how long it will be - could be the weekend, could be a couple of weeks, could be forever. I need time to decide if this is something I want to keep persuing. If I come back, I don't know if I will remain a TGM blog or if I'll shift gears and hop into another fandom with a rebrand. Guess we'll just have to see.
To the people on here who have been a constant source of joy, laughter, and support: thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your presence has meant everything to me, and I hope that my break sees me wanting to come back and giggle about the silly plane movie with you all again.
Nothing but love,
Liz 💛
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elexuscal · 3 months
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you know existing in the modern media landscape is funny cuz like
i genuinely love adaptations. like as a concept. they're transformative works, right? ideally, it's the same soul that drives all fandom write large
you go 'how do translate this story?' how do you take words and make them into images? how do you take images and turn them into film? how can a film use a score the way a book used narration? do you cut this character, prune that plotline, like a bonsai? or conversely, do you need to lay a new bed for under explored story-beats to grow?
a well told adaptation is amazing. it deepens the story, it expands your understanding of both texts.
but as more and more of the stories i love get adapted the more i realise the vast majority of the studios and/or the people they hire for these jobs don't give a shit of any of that, and are just looking for a new IP to toss into the Content Regurgitation Machine
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hooved · 1 year
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every single day i experience symptoms of ocd and every single day i'm somehow surprised by it
#one example being when i'm getting ready to go to sleep#i literally have to scroll through my dash until i find a picture that doesn't give me some kind of anxiety#can't leave the screen on a picture of this sloppy red cake batter because it looks vaguely gorey and what if i die in some gorey accident#can't leave the screen on a picture of a cat because what if my cat dies tomorrow#can't leave the screen on a picture of a beautiful field with a yellowy filter on it because it makes me think of some kinda movie scene#where someone is recalling pleasant memories on their death bed#can't leave it on a picture of fire because what it my house burns down in my sleep#can't leave it on a picture of a graveyard for obvious reasons etc. etc.#there's always something. everything links to death with me and i can't go to sleep with any of it on my screen because it's ''''bad luck''#or whatever the fuck#but a picture of like some cute colorful patterns or a silly little doll or some cool clothes ? well that's alright i guess :)#i experience other ocd symptoms but that's the one that always makes me go woah wtf ???? i have ocd ????#edit: remembering a few years ago when i started getting really really bad fears relating to my ribs. ribs in general#and every time i lied down i had to make sure my ribs were perfectly lined up with each other ?#and my ribs are already pretty misshapen so it took. a long time to do that#and i'd toss and turn and freak out and get so scared and frustrated and cry. they had to be lined up#because the fact that your ribs can move and sometimes one side is further back or further forward or whatever scared me so much#i'm like mostly over that now. i don't do that anymore but. weird how i didn't think that was an ocd thing back then lmao
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batfamfucker · 9 months
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What About The Kens?
I'm already seeing guys complain about the Barbie movie end, how they wanted Kens to be equal in Barbieland but were only given a small part on the Cabinet.
That's the point.
You're meant to feel bad for the Kens. Believe me, women aren't partying over the 'Returns to Matriarch' ending. Some will be, but the ones who also clocked the meaning behind it won't. Most women will also feel bad for Kens. Because it's an exact parallel to how women are treated in reality.
Men, you're meant to be upset. You're meant to question it. Because you're meant to feel it, and feel what that is like, so you can finally understand women. You're upset at seeing it in a movie, now imagine living it in reality. That's being a woman.
Kens were shit on so you could feel what it was like for women this entire time. Kens were being used as a placement so you could see yourself in a woman's shoes. A world dominated by the opposite sex. When Ken leaves, and sees male presidents (All men) for the first time, men being doctors and lawyers, etc, realising he is more than just a prop for Barbie, that was on purpose. Because that is the feeling that Barbie gave to women. It's why you cheer for him at first before he goes a little overboard.
It's exactly why the real world was an exaggerated Partriarchy and Barbieland an exaggerated Matriarchy. Neither wins. Neither is equal. None of them change for the better. It's why you should want women in the real world to be respected, and Kens in Barbieland to be respected.
The thing is, women also didn't win. Not in the real world. In Barbieland, yes, but not anywhere else. The real world didn't change. But you didn't notice, did you? That Gloria (The mother that helped Barbie) also didn't get a position on the Mattel board? It was still all men? Her idea was ignored until it made a profit, and the men will likely get the credit? She'll still just be the receptionist? The women representing the real world didn't get anymore opportunities, neither did the men in Barbieland.
I was hoping that Gloria would be offered a position on the board, and that the Barbie Cabinet would introduce another entire Cabinet to represent the Kens, but neither happened. They're complete mirrors.
But which one did you actually notice? Which did you actually care about? Now tell me again the ending was unfair. Because it was. For both parties. That's the point.
The difference is, Barbieland is fictional. You will walk out of the theatre with the reassurance that at least it's not real. Women won't. Women can't. Companies not giving women equal opportunities or voices isn't fictional, and that was just one example. There are no women presidents (USA at least) for us to go look at in the real world. We don't have somewhere to go to realise it could be different for us like Ken did. Barbie and make believe is all we had when we were kids, or even now.
You're supposed to be mad, just not at the movie.
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gumycandyyy · 7 months
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୨♡ Winter King HCS ♡୧
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I am ashamed of tumblr for not making more fanfic of this funky fruit.
We got some general HCS and then some romantic ones under the cut! (I went a little overboard with the romantic ones, hehe!)
Gender-neutral
୨♡ General ♡୧
-Man's self care routine is off the charts
-I'm serious, he has like- 80 different bubble bath concoctions.
-Smells like mint
-or some kind of cold scent.
-I feel like he loves dressing up fancy, so he has a closet full of sparkly suits
-maybe even some dresses if he's feeling special.
-Doesn't actually need to wear glasses, he just likes how they look.
-While he loves his winter wonder world, I feel like he'd enjoy rainy weather more than snow.
-He got rid of all his madness and sadness, yes, but I think he'd cry at something especially cute. Happy tears, y'know?
"Why are you crying, sir? Are you okay?" "Oh, it's nothing. *sniff* Just those two rabbits that are cuddling."
-He is really bad at any percussion instrument
-like.. REALLY bad.
-His hands are too delicate for such a garish instrument as the drums!
-He loves playing duets on the piano, but rarely has anyone to play with.
-I mean, he could always concoct up an ice creature to play piano with him, but that's honestly quite dull.
-His favorite movie would probably be an old Christmas movie, like It's a Wonderful Life.
-He gets kidnapped by the Candy Queen so often, that occasionally he brings a book or something snuggly to help him wait for his ice scouts to rescue him.
-He once got so bored while kidnapped that he tried to read to some of the mutilated candy people
-That was the last time he saw his favorite book.
-Safe to say he doesn't bring his favorites anymore.
୨♡ Romantic ♡୧
-Will literally spoil his love interest rotten.
-You want that thing you saw earlier?
-Consider it yours
-You'd like for it to snow outside?
-A sprinkle or a blizzard?
-Literally anything, this man will go to the ends of the universe to get you what you'd like.
-Love languages are definitely gift giving and physical touch
-probably acts of service too.
-Loves dancing.
-Loves dancing.
-Whether it be a slow dance or ice-skating, he will take every opportunity to dance with you!
-He adores short people.
-Good, because he's tall as a giant.
-if you're shorter than him, he will no doubt use you as an armrest.
-He always makes remarks on how cute you are.
-Even if you're only two inches shorter than him.
-If you're taller...
-hoo boy.
-Expect him to be all over you.
-figuratively and literally.
-Will want you to carry him everywhere, sit in your lap, rest against you, whatever.
-Just let him touch you.
-He'll talk about how strong you are, how you'd be the perfect chair, etc. etc.
-He does the stupid "How's the weather up there?" jokes.
-Loves your body, no matter what it looks like.
-You're skinny?
-You're easy to carry around and dance with.
-You're chubby or fat?
-Literally will always be holding onto or resting on part of you. He loves squishy people.
-Somewhere in the middle?
-He could not care less. He loves you regardless of what you look like.
-And he makes sure to emphasize his point by complimenting you endlessly.
-He will never leave your side.
-Even if you need space, he doesn't.
-So why wouldn't you?
-Back to our regularly scheduled fluff-
-Candy Queen hates your guts.
-She thinks you're an obstacle, keeping her from the Winter King.
-No doubt tries to kill you.
-Multiple times. a day
-Her plans are always foiled, but if she gets too close to genuinely hurting you, Winter will be so upset.
"Oh, Dearest, please tell me you're okay!" "You are?" "Phew. I don't know what I'd do if you were hurt in any way."
-His petnames for you are probably
-Darling,
-Dearest,
-My love,
-There are a lot more, but those are the main ones.
-LOVES kissing you.
-Anytime, any way.
-He finds it adorable when his nose bumps your face.
-Favorite place to kiss would probably be the back of your hand.
-He is a gentleman after all.
-Overall, he just adores you.
-And he sincerely hopes you love him just as much as he does you.
Headcanon requests are open for Winter King! Don't be afraid to send an ask, and be shameless! I know I am! (No smut tho. Some spice is okay, however.)
Have some free WK art for coming this far!
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reblog for a beginner writer?
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luniarix · 3 months
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*⁀➷ 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜
sypnosis: basically in which toji and you are having sex for the first time after a 3 year long distance relationship <3
NOTE: WHY DID I TAKE HALF A YEAR TO FINISH THIS BRU. feeling like cory rn LMAAOOO i really don't know why omg im never doing that again i love writing about sexy hunks u will never catch me slipping again y'all I swear. school has been in the way and some personal problems have made it hard to write but im getting back on track i promise. i tried to make this longer than i originally wanted! more fics are otw i defff have plenty of ideas while i've been gone. and ngl i feel like im going to change my writing style up a bit after this fic cause im not really liking the separate dialogue sentences anymore.
CW: fem!reader, virgin!reader, chubby reader!!, possessive!toji, domestic!toji, shy!y/n, whipped!toji, whipped!reader, age gap, established relationship, mentions of sexting, dry humping, unprotected!sex(wrap it before u tap it), mating press, marking, scratching, slight hair pulling, dirty talk, handjob if u squint, fingering, cunnilingus, after care, toji bein an absolute sweetheart cause i’m a sucker for affection, vv domestic moments bc im a romantic at heart, pet names such as; baby, sweetheart, mama(s), etc
majority of people say that long distance relationships were bound to fall apart one day.
not yours and toji’s tho!! of course not, even with all the stigma surrounding online relationships and with the added on fact that it’s “taboo” for toji to be years older than you, didn’t mean you two wouldn’t work out. duhh, you guys are safe from all that.
and so here you were, sat nervously on his couch in his house waiting for him to finish coming back from the convenience store. you guys had decided on your first ever actual date to be a more domestic one— so a movie night with snacks was the go to move. the click of the front door opening has you springing up and walking over to toji who has multiple bags with all kinds of treats.
“give me some. let me help you, kay?”
you mutter, taking a few bags from him before he could protest and setting them down onto the kitchen table. you go into the cabinets to pull out a few big bowls, and start pouring the food into them. all while you were doing this, toji unexpectedly comes up behind you and wraps his strong arms around your waist.
“have i told you how pretty you look baby?”
he presses a few kisses to your neck as he rubs circles on your soft hips, and you turn away from him to hide the way you’re becoming flustered.
“you’ve only been saying it since you’ve picked me up at the airport.”
toji spins you around to face him, and you begin biting your lip at the way he’s eyeing you down. good lord he was so sexy. but looking at him for too long would put you into cardiac arrest with how his green eyes pierced through your own. damn, since when did it get so hot in here?
“i’ll keep on saying it sweetheart, cause i like the way you squirm underneath my gaze.”
you swallow and give a shy giggle in return. you were so glad that toji was your first ever real long term relationship, because him being your first everything? the idea always had you squealing like a middle school girl. but your train of thought had dissipated when toji begun to gently squeeze your ass.
“toji… i- i needa set the bowls down onto the living room table.”
oh wow, now you’re stuttering? you felt a bit embarrassed considering how assertive you were between your texts and calls. yet here you were, getting shy at every gesture he made. obviously during your relationship you two had always been lovey dovey, but you never actually believed that toji himself was clingy. you aren’t complaining tho!! you adored that he was like this with you.
“that can wait, just let me kiss for a bit.”
and who were you to say no to his request? with the way he was holding onto your waist as he pulled you into a sweet kiss was when you knew this was worth waiting for. the soft sounds of your lips parting and connecting once more had your head spinning— your knees becoming weaker from every caress he gave.
“you taste so good mama.”
the signature nickname he gave you since the start of your relationship slips out, and you moan in satisfaction. you grip onto his black wife beater shirt, then smooth your hands up to grab onto his shoulders, jabbing your nails into his skin from how jittery you were getting. he softly bit your bottom lip, and that made you part your lips enough for him to slip his tongue in.
your vision grows hazy and your eyes close shut before pulling away in a gasping manner. toji gazes at you in desire as you begin to act like that didn’t phase you— when in fact you were trying your best not to start jumping around and doing jumping jacks. good god, you really did win the lottery with him. you push your hair back from your face and grab the bowls before walking right past him and setting them down on the living room table.
toji follows right behind you, pulling you back into him as he sits down on the couch. you squeal as you fall right into his lap, chest right against his. you flutter your lashes at him as he licks his lips and leisurely glides his hand down from your neck all the way down to your ass once again. it made your body twitch in delight, and you grind against his crotch in response to his tease.
“oh? ‘you finally gonna stop bein’ shy with me mama?”
toji rubs his hand up towards your waist and pinches your hip dip. you have your own hands massaging his shoulders as you begin to mutter in embarrassment,
“you keep trying to provoke me, asshole.”
toji gives you a sly grin before you impulsively decide to pull him in by the straps of his wife beater shirt, kissing him once again. you gasp desperately and he soon had his tongue dancing with yours. you nibble on his bottom lip and pull back just a little to tease him, which has his eyes widening in shock. your confidence boosts at that reaction and you begin to go down to his jaw, peppering soft kisses towards his neck and that’s when you begin to suck.
you give wet kisses to his adams apple and switch from sucking on his skin to kissing over the markings that began to fold. you do the same all over his neck and you then trail down to his collar bones. you moan in surprise when you could start to feel toji’s boner pressing against you through his sweats. wearing biker shorts wasn’t helping either because you could clearly feel the imprint.
you whine and grind against him, trying to create more friction as your arousal begins to stain your panties and possibly through your shorts. toji groans and grips onto your hips, both of you moving in a messy rhythm. your thighs began to tremble as your clit became more and more sensitive with each reaching second. soon enough you’d orgasm, all while being clothed.
this idea makes toji stop grinding against you, gripping onto your hips to stop you. you’re dazed out expression contorts into a frustrated one as you pout. why wasn’t he letting you orgasm? you knew toji was the type of man to put your pleasure over his own and yet he was stopping you from reaching your high.
toji only chuckles and brushes a thumb over your soft lips, nudging his finger in a bit to coat a bit of saliva on it. meanwhile, he’s rubbing your hips and thighs.
“i know you’re frustrated baby, but it’s our first time together, and you deserve to orgasm in a much better way than just dry humping.”
your lashes flutter against your skin as you melt against his touch. gosh, he was always thinking about you first and you loved it so much. you were so entranced that you could only nod in response, a dreamy expression on your face. after all, this was the first out of many that you guys could get intimate with each other face to face. toji smiles lazily, admiring how beautiful his baby looked. he’s then quick to take off your shirt and helps you slip off your shorts, only leaving you in your undergarments.
he squeezes at your pudge, loving how soft you were— grinning at how you twitched and tried to hold in your giggles. he loved every part of your body, and he was going to make sure to cherish all of you. you deserved to be loved right. toji leans forward to rest his head against your tits, reaching his hands behind your back to smoothly unhook your bra. you gasp in surprise as the straps begin to slip off your shoulders.
he pulls back to have your bra fall off, pretty tits now being exposed to him. toji sucks in a sharp breath as he internally groans at how big your tits were, bringing his hands up to cup them. you softly moan and your already perked nipples hardened even more. he fans his breath against one, and gently pulls on the other. your soft sighs is what brings him to hurriedly put his lips around your nipple, licking and kissing the bud.
you sharply inhale and squeeze his shoulders. you felt like a mess, because you couldn’t think straight and the only thing your mind could focus on was the way toji’s boner was right against you and neither of you were fully naked yet. you just wanted him to fuck you so good— to make up for all the years you two missed out on each other’s bodies.
toji kisses the nipple he was teasing his fingers with, and then begins to suck on it as he then swirls his tongue around your areola. you bite your lip and shutter in satisfaction, as you feel him begin to toy with your other nipple. toji makes sure to leave marks all over your chest before actually gently laying you on the couch, and taking his own shirt off. you’ve seen it all the time through pictures and videos when he would be sending you gym videos, or when you would facetime when he would be at the gym or when it was late at night, but it still came as a surprise to you on how well sculpted he was.
“ya like what ya see baby?”
he’s grinning at you, and you realize that you’ve been staring at him for too long. you roll your eyes and smile back at him. there wasn’t any point in denying at how in awe you were with how sexy your man was.
“i do. you look so handsome.”
toji’s eyes become hooded, pools of emerald green darkening at your compliment. he licks his lips before pulling at your panties, ripping them in the process of quickly having them be thrown somewhere on the floor. wow, he must’ve really liked that comment.
you prop your elbows up against the couch and watch with wide-blown eyes as he pulls down his sweats and boxers, also discarding the clothing somewhere on the floor. his cock was— big and oh so girthy. you were definitely turning into puddy by the next morning.
you gasp when he pushes your legs apart and he’s sloppily pumping himself as his gaze latches onto yours, and blood rushes to your face from how self-aware you were. he was jacking himself off to you right in front of you. and dirty enough, you liked it. you liked having him look so desperate right above you, as he gets himself prepared to fuck you.
god, was that whole length seriously going to go inside you? toji would always speak about how big he was in a cocky tone and when you saw it on camera for the first time, you knew not to doubt him. but seeing it in actuality made it sink in on just how big he really was.
your breaths get heavier the more his pre dripped onto your lower abdomen, and as he was beginning to groan more. you were quick to put a hand around the top of his length, teasing his tip. toji’s body jolts for a second before he’s quick to relax once again and his pace becomes faster.
you draw circles around his tip, making sure to gently squeeze him every few seconds. you could tell how bad toji wanted to cum with the way he started to buck his hips and the lewd squelching noises got sloppier.
“fuck, i can’t take this any longer.”
toji abruptly pulls away from you, backing up to then grab your thigh and slide his hands up to your knees, lifting your legs off the couch to have you be folded against him, legs now hooked over his shoulders. your eyes widen when his nose is pressing against your pubic area, and he’s looking up at you with devilish eyes.
“been waiting to do this for a while..”
he murmurs, licking his lips feverishly. he’s quick to press his mouth right against your cunt, giving leisure licks to your clit. you cry out in surprise, thighs quickly beginning to tremble. you try to silence your moans by biting your lip and having a hand cover your mouth. but toji looks up at you and furrows his brows.
he pulls you closer and pushes your hips upward, your ass slightly lifting off the couch cushion as he gropes your asscheeks. he’s eating you faster, tongue swirling against your clit and then feverishly leaving sloppy kisses— and repeat. your eyes roll back as your body jolts in utter pleasure.
you try to push his head back from how flustered you were— but instead, your fingers tangle themselves into his hair as you pull on it, tears prickling at the brims of your eyelids. you mewl pathetically, trying to move your hips in a rhythmic pace against his tongue. you could feel the knot in your stomach beginning to form.
“oh god! toji! m’gonna— gonna cum!”
you shriek, thighs closing around his head as your body shakes in such a way that has toji holding onto your hips to steady you a bit. you try to hide your moans with your hands again but he’s quick to grab your wrist with his free hand and pin it down to the bed.
when he feels like you’re wet enough, he slowly inserts one thick finger into your twitching hole. your pupils dilate and your mouth turns into an “o” as you desperately gasp for air. his relentless pace becomes too much to bare when he’s inserting another finger, and you squeal with pleasure. your own fingers couldn’t compare to how good his own were stretching you, working you to a release.
his mouth goes back down again, gently sucking on your clit, as his fingers roughly fucked you. your eyes are practically crossing and toji could almost see stars swirling in your pupils as you succumbed to the immense feeling that was beginning to build up. you were whispering his name, chanting it over and over again like a prayer and it made him want to reach down to his cock and pump himself to your moans.
“oh! oh, tojiii! please! please let me—”
a sly grin forms on his swollen lips, and he curls his fingers at that spot that has you almost screaming, back arching off the couch as you grip onto his hair for dear life, pulling on it as your body quivers in delight. he was so good at this you feared that you’d end up closing your thighs around his head without thinking and suffocate him on accident.
and when he gently takes your clit in between his lips and sucks all while hitting that sweet spot inside, you come undone. toji could barely hear the "m'cumming!" you squealed out before you're creaming against his face, juices flowing down to his chin as he laps up your overstimulated cunt, moaning in satisfaction at how addicting your taste was.
"god you taste so fuckin' good, sweetheart."
you whine in response, hardly registering what he said over the loud drumming of your heartbeat, a dazed expression painting your face which made toji chuckle. but he didn't want you to get tired just yet. and so, he's quick to swipe his tongue over his lips, fingers taking the dripping cum on his chin into his mouth all while looking directly into your eyes. he's then towering over you once more, green eyes shining once more through the illuminated moonlight peaking through the curtains of his home, streaks of dark raven hair being outlined by said light.
"I love you, to'."
the words slip out so easily, so naturally, that it almost surprised you. but it didn't, not as much as the faint sharp inhale you heard from the man above you. it wasn't that you guys hadn't really used the words between you two, but more so it felt more real, more raw, now that you could actually say it to each other face to face. not that it hadn't already meant a lot during the time that you were long-distance but cmon, who couldn't say that this was so much better?
he lines himself up against your folds, bending down to kiss you on the lips. he didn't say anything. but he didn't need to, not with the way he brought his free hand up to intertwine with yours, giving an affectionate squeeze. and certainly not with the way he had begun peppering kisses all over your face, from your forehead down to your chin. rather than saying it back, he's showing you. showing you that this? this was going to be you two from now on.
"you ready, baby?"
after seeing his dick for the first time? since forever.
but you only smile against his lips, nodding in response. he nuzzles your noses together, tip slowly pushing into you. you moan, back slightly arching off the couch once again. toji then gently puts your legs over his shoulders anew as he finally wedges the tip inside, stopping every now and then so you can begin to stretch out and accommodate his girth and length without much struggle.
"oh fuck, you're so fuckin' tight."
toji moans as he bucks against you slightly, pushing another inch further in. you throw your head back against the soft cushions behind your head and gasp. he was so big, you already felt so full. he inches in slowly, and you could feel yourself loosening up more and more. your thighs are visibly trembling, and you could feel every trace of his vein that trails down his entire length. at one point, you felt like you could feel him in your stomach. toji finally goes in to the hilt, and your mind went blank.
it felt like forever for him to fully stuff himself into your pussy but when he had, you could feel his tip kiss your cervix and your body was tingling all over, tears forming at the brims of your eyelids as a reaction of pleasure. your bodies were finally connected and you were thrilled, so much so that you began squeezing around him—tighter.
"shit baby, you're sucking me in."
toji whispers huskily, thick black bangs of hair stuck onto his forehead from sweat as his beefy arms are caging your head. you moan in response, wrapping your arms around his neck and fingernails pressing on his back, scratching him. he grunts, lifting up to position himself to squat on top of you. oh my god, toji had put you in mating press.
his hips move back and slam back into you and you force down a scream when you feel him go so deep. your tits circle as you shake in desperation, and your cunt spasms at the feeling of the way his cock twitches. toji laughs, voice so deep and raspy that it made you wetter than you already were. he was amused at your reaction.
but you were getting impatient. finally getting used to his size meant that he didn’t have to hold back, and you didn’t want him to. you wanted him to have you not feeling your legs by tomorrow morning, and screaming until the entire neighborhood knew his name.
“please to’… want you to fuck me hard.”
being so close to him meant that you could not only see his reactions, but feel them too. so when he shudders from your words, it has you whining. his hips slowly begin to move, and your hands squeeze his shoulders in utter delight as you repeatedly gasp with each soft thrust.
and when he grabs your disheveled hair to tilt your head back, aligns his lip right against your ear? it has you quivering around his cock as he whispers to you,
"y’want me to fuck ya until you’re cumming all over my cock hm? want me to fuck ya ‘till you’re seeing nothin but stars?”
your toes curl as you tighten around him, the delicious feeling has him sighing in ecstasy. you then nod frantically, raking your nails against his biceps. you couldn’t even give him any other response besides a pitiful whimper. toji chuckles darkly, before fixing his positioning on top of you.
he pulls out just enough so only the tip and an inch or so are wedged in, and then snaps his hips back into you with full force as you jolt while screaming out his name. and then he starts fucking into you, almost at a feral pace. you grip onto his shoulders like your life depended on it, jaw slacked and the most erotic moans spewing out of your glossed lips.
“oh- oh my god! toji! please! ffucckk!”
you never knew you could moan so loudly, and god was it embarrassing. not in the shameful way, but more so… the fact that you couldn’t ever imagine yourself moaning like this until toji made it possible. your thought process is shortly cut off when toji begins to groan— and, was that a whine that you just heard?
you feel his hand trail down to your twitching clit, and your lips form an “o” shape as he begins to ever so softly pinch it. you wail as you frantically claw at his back, bright red scratch marks appearing that were sure to last for a while. toji grunts, he wouldn’t admit it just yet but the pain from your nails mixed with the sheer pleasure your pussy was bringing him was making his balls swell much faster than he expected.
and the way your tight gummy walls were sucking his fat cock in— it was like you were begging to be filled up with his thick cum. but maybe that was just him speaking for himself. the idea of cumming in you was enticing; one that consumes his sexual desires. but not just yet. toji looks down to see a white ring begin to form at the base of his dick, and he licks his lips as he glances back up at you.
you looked so pretty, fucked out on his cock like this. your tits were jiggling in rhythm with his animalistic thrusts, and your nipples were rubbing against his chest. and he was even more enamored with the sound his balls slapping against your ass were making. fuck, he was bound to cum soon. but you looked like you were on the brink of shattering more so than he was.
that specific feeling of your stomach clenching and your body tensing up has you knowing that you were going to reach your release any minute. and so when toji begins to messily rub his fingers against your clit to overstimulate you all while he’s rutting into you with one goal in mind— you break.
your thighs are quaking against his body, as your cunt gushes out milky white cum, coating toji’s cock and his inner thighs. you whine when toji pulls out and releases on your stomach and tits, feeling empty without him inside anymore. with your eyes rolled back, lights swirling behind your eyelids as you were trying to form coherent thoughts, with you trying to control your ragged breathing; you almost didn’t register toji’s “you okay mamas?”.
you look at him through half-lidded eyes, and exhale out a velvet “mhm”, a lazy smile spreading across your lips to reassure him even more. he laughs softly and then slowly pulls back from you to have your legs lay on his sides, as he begins to slowly and gently massage from your thighs down to your ankles. you moan with relief as you hadn’t even taken notice to the slight pain within some parts of your legs that toji was rubbing on.
“you did so well baby.”
he mumbles, bringing one leg up to kiss from your calf to your ankle, then the other. you practically melt from his touches— he was so good at making you feel loved in all kinds of ways and it made you go crazy.
“thank you for this amazing first time experience, to’.”
you reach for his free hand, pulling him down so you can give him sweet kisses on his lips and cheeks. he kisses you back, squeezing your hand affectionately. you both pull away and you slowly sit up, leaning against him for support.
“only the best for you, sweetheart. i’ll be right back with a wash cloth for ya, ‘kay?”
you nod and watch as he gets up and goes back into the bathroom across the room to get a wash cloth, and he comes back in a few seconds. you sigh at the feeling of the warmth of the water on the cloth, and toji cleans the sticky mess he left before going down to in between your thighs to clean, then the couch. he jogs back into the bathroom to leave the cloth and wash his hands, and maybe his dick, and comes back to you once more.
he sits next to you and brings an arm around you, rubbing your shoulder with his hand. he then tosses a blanket that was laying on the side over you two— and you realized how bad you’ve always wanted this. gosh, you couldn’t wait for more moments like this.
and then you look in front of you, and you remember what you two were actually meant to be doing.
“baby, what about the movie we were supposed to be watching?”
toji’s eyes widen, almost like that never crossed his mind, and you can’t help but giggle at how fast he grabs the remote to put on Netflix and swipe through movies you two could watch.
“we still can mama, jus’ don’t fall asleep on me.”
“you’ve already tired me out, so no promises.”
you grin at the way he playfully rolls his eyes and gives you a cheeky laugh. so when he pulls you in to peck your forehead, and for just the sake of being closer?
you know that this is where you were meant to be.
P.S: wow!! this was so much fun from start to finish. writers block is a real pain in the ass but more is to come, at a less-half year disappearance-rate LMAO. def going to write more abt this trope, i loved it sm.
feel free to leave ideas in my inbox or a comment ♡ if i made any grammar mistakes that i missed, lmk!and thank u so much for reading (●´ω`●)
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thats-godscomma · 7 months
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Since rewatching Psych, I've been thinking about how weird and arbitrary Shawn's interests are. Sure, late 2000's writing had something to do with it, and maybe a bit of Henry and Gus's influence, but hearing Shawn be so vocal about how he hates certain popular things or (more importantly) refuses to give them a chance BUT at the same time knowing so many pop culture references, it got me thinking.
What if the reason Shawn has so many pop culture references on hand is because of his eidetic memory, and he doesn't actually have as much of an interest in pop culture? Throughout the show, he actively avoids getting roped into big interests and franchises (see: comic books, soap operas, etc.) despite the fact that he genuinely seems excited once he's part of it. In fact, we don't get to see a lot of Shawn's interests at all unless it's based on an idea.
Take being a bounty hunter, for example. According to him, he's obsessed with the idea, but he doesn't make many references to an actual bounty hunter show or franchise. Instead, he just remembers the one bounty hunter he saw as a child and maybe references a movie or two. Because once he remembers something, he's never going to forget it, or at least not for a very long time.
That's why he thinks in references. Everything is a reference if you have a good enough memory. Everything reminds you of something. If Shawn hears someone make a Spock reference, it's in his repertoire forever. But he wouldn't be caught dead watching the shows or movies because that's just too much information. Why on earth would he endure that?
Of course, it also intertwines with his ADHD. He has bouts of energy and trouble focusing. He can't sit still to save his life, and he hyperfixates...or he would if his memory didn't make him averse to it. So if he doesn't want to hyperfixate on an information-based interest, then what does he hyperfixate on? Physical activities. Instead of learning about his favorite daredevil, he tries to be one himself. When he learns about oil rigs, he doesn't get a book from the library. He tries to find oil in his backyard.
This is also where he and Henry differ regarding Shawn's "potential." Henry is correct when he talks about Shawn's "wasted" potential, but he doesn't understand the toil of having this eidetic memory and ADHD. Here's what I think happened: Henry probably noticed Shawn's stellar memory at a young age, realized he has a gift, spoke with his wife about her eidetic memory, learned that you need to challenge your child's eidetic memory at a young age or it'll go away, started the hat game to make it fun and exciting, but then Shawn's ADHD appeared. Suddenly, it made him much harder to raise (because let's be real, Shawn was not an easy child.) Henry didn't know what he was doing anymore, and since it was the 80's, he didn't have the resources to properly understand his kid's behavior, so he tried to find a common interest, and started training Shawn to be a detective "because kids love cop shows." But Shawn struggled to stay attached to one single interest, and when he grew up, he stopped trying to articulate his problems because his mom (the only person who remotely understood his struggles) left, and he blamed his dad for it.
And academics? Those are a joke because what is the point of studying if he already remembers everything? Until, of course, he needs to apply it to a problem-solving test or writing an essay. Suddenly, he's memorizing a math teacher's answer sheet and copying Gus's report.
Yes, Shawn could have been a great cop. He could be an amazing scientist or anything really. He could have been a national spelling bee champion like Gus wanted to be. Even 15 years later, Shawn remembered exactly what word Gus messed up, how to spell the word, and what letter he made Gus slip up, but he didn't want to be on that stage with Gus because that requires so much learning. And so much time. And so much memorizing. And he refuses to sit still for that long when he knows that overloading his head is going to give him migraines.
Also his "I've heard it both ways" probably comes from the fact that people with eidetic memory can still make lots of mistakes if they don't actively commit something to memory. If Shawn only overhears something, he'll still naturally try to fill in the gaps like everyone else, but because he's so confident in his memory, he just believes what he remembers to be true, leading him to repeat incorrect information with confidence. That could also be why some of his references are incorrect due to mixed-up homophones.
Anyway, this post was supposed to be about how Shawn is just a walking movie reference because his memory won't let him forget quotes, but then I fell into a rabbit hole of the negative effects of having an eidetic memory as a child, and I am very passionate about how Henry actually tried his best, and people need to stop calling him a horrible parent. Love y'all. Let me know what you think.
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astrologydayz · 6 months
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PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS//ASPECTS - SYNASTRY♤
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SUN CONJUNCT/TRINE MOON = Sun being Moon's gatekeeper🗡🦁. Moon feels safe&secure with Sun, because Sun can take one look at Moon persons face &know exactly what they feel at any given moment. Like embarrassment, anger, sadness, happiness etc. People could also question why they don't date - if they're into whatever gender the other one is, ofc. And if you're not family ofc. This is a soulmate aspect!! So they can definitely see each other as platonic soulmates. &they're usually also best friends/or VERY close at least. People they date, can get VERY jealous of their relationship, &VERY insecure about the closeness they share, without it even being anything romantic!! Moon always feels like they can share ANYTHING they want2 with Sun!! They won't "hide" from Sun, ever. They’ll go through fire 4Sun🥺. Sun will guide Moon! & Sun will ALWAYS lead here, not saying they won't let Moon decide anything, But Sun will always be the one 2 take the "final decision". &Moon doesn't have a problem with that - at least not the trine. The conjunction can sometimes go both ways😘. Look at sign/s/house/s 2 c how & where Sun guides Moon🌙/where - how Moon always shows up 4 Sun☀️.
SUN SQUARE/QUINCUNX MOON = Moon doesn't always feel comfortable sharing what they feel, cuz if they do, Sun can react in a way they don't like, so they would rather keep it in at times. Sun can be too dominating, too decided on "leading"/deciding things. Moon will end up with all these feelings of frustrations, bc they keep it in. So at some point = they'll end up starting fights, getting so frustrated that they just CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANYMORE. Sun can be too focused on their own needs/wants, that they can tend 2 not take Moon's feelings into consideration. Sun can think of Moon as 2 emotional, 2 sensitive, that they should grow up. Sun can also be "2much in Moons business", 2probing. They can still be close tho, but there will always be some of the issues, I mentioned above. I call friendships with this aspect FRENEMIES!! Moon can't be 100% open emotionally, & Sun can't be 100% who their ego wants them 2 be. Look at signs/houses 2 c where Sun can get ego trips & why/where Moon feels unheard/misunderstood.
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MERCURY CONJUNCT/TRINE NEPTUNE = this aspect can show a telepathic connection between 2 people/"where u meet each other on another plane"/or in dreams. U can listen 2 a lot of music together/make music together/watch a lot movies/be creative af/create art together! Mercury can inspire Neptune 2 go for their dreams, instead of just dreaming of them💫. Mercury is like Neptune's hype man! Neptune knows what the Mercury person thinks about, a lot of the time. They can have MANY conversations about things our mind ain't sure about. Like life after death/if there's a god/karma/aliens etc. Neptune will have the Mercury person thinking about why they're here, 4sure. Spirituality can also be a big thing! Look at house/s/signs 2 c how/why Mercury will inspire Neptune2create, & where/how Neptune will make Mercury rethink their life. The conjunction can go both ways💜.
MERCURY SQUARE/QUINCUNX NEPTUNE = IF u create art together, or something like that = 100% different visions about whatever u create/arguments about it. Mercury can lie 2 Neptune person a lot, even about dumb shit. Like about what they had for dinner😵‍💫 . Neptune can't really communicate with Mercury person about their dreams/hopes. Mercury can't understand/c Neptune's "vision". Mercury can criticize Neptune. Like Mercury telling Neptune person that their dreams are unrealistic/or Neptune ain't good enough 4 what they want 2 achieve. Mercury can feel small/ambitionless, bc Neptune dreams are so big/dreamlike. What Neptune wants2 achieve is something Mercury could feel jealous of. Neptune can have rose coloured glasses on a lot. Like a person with 100% full vision, walking with their own eyes closed. But they do know if Mercury is lying tho, or they just have a feeling about it. They just choose "2 skip it". Look at houses & signs 2c where/how Mercury is deceiving/tearing down Neptune, & how/where Neptune can make Mercury person feel anxious.
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VENUS CONJUNCT/TRINE SATURN = Venus can depend on Saturn person financially, or on Saturn creating stability for Venus! like Venus living at Saturns house/at Saturns property, or Saturn always being the one “who picks up” Venus/is the one who’s there 4 them etc. Venus always know that they can depend on Saturn. Venus can feel very loved, &cared for by Saturn. Saturn brings a "fatherly" kind of love. They can also be the one who picks Venus up after parties/when Venus goes out & needs 2be picked up. They can be in each others life for a very long time. Venus can feel like there's a lot 2 live up 2/Venus can be afraid of disappointing Saturn. Saturn just wants Venus 2 do the best they can! But the way they go about it can be a little hard sometimes🤔. Venus quickly sees that it'll end up helping them in the end tho! Saturn will always be there to 2 remind Venus that there's another day&another try, if they don't succeed the 1st time. Karma from a past life/or created in this one! Look at house/s & sign/s 2c where your karma is/where Saturn "saves" Venus & where Venus loves&support Saturn, always.
VENUS SQUARE/QUINCUNX SATURN = Venus can get treated like a little kid by the Saturn person. Saturn telling them what they should, or shouldn't do/what they should like, or shouldn't like. Saturn mocking/putting Venus down because of their own insecurities. Saturn can be jealous of Venus, &can try 2 one up them a lot. Saturn feels like Venus ain't dependable, so they're not either. Saturn here teaches Venus how to love themself, &find out what they need/don't need in friendships/family relationships, whatever platonic connection it is. Saturn can't be there 4 Venus, as Venus needs them2. Venus can have internal conflicts with themself about letting Saturn go/Cutting them off. Bad Karma between them from a past life, that they need 2 get done with in this life. Or bad karma being created in this one. One of them owes something to the other one/or will owe something 2 the other. look at houses&signs 2 c where/how karma is being created/where it's getting dealt, &done with. Where/how Saturn treats Venus person like an imbecile, &where/how Venus makes the Saturn person insecure.
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MARS CONJUNCT/TRINE MOON = Mars can help Moon with standing up for themselves/teaching them how to fight back/or teaching them how to defend themselves. Mars can be hardcore protective sometimes, bc they feel a need 2 help Moon in any kind of "danger" situation. Moon can feel like Mars is a bit 2 much sometimes, but won't have a problem with it, cuz they're kinda used2 it, &can find it comforting. Moon can help calm Mars down, when mars need someone to vent 2. They can have fights sometimes, & not talk for a little while but they almost always come back together, and agrees to disagree. Mars can think Moon is 2 sweet for their own good, and think they're a little bit naive sometimes. Look at house/s & sign/s 2 c how & where Mars helps/protects Moon, & where&how Moon can guide Mars when it comes 2 their temper/aggressions. The conjunction can go both ways, so also read what I've written down under here.
MARS SQUARE/QUINCUNX MOON = Mars can gaslight Moon a whole fucking lot. Making moon feel cornered, unsure, & uncomfortable. Mars is too aggressive for Moon's liking. Moon can even be kind of scared, not ever knowing what Mars persons next actions will be. Mars can think that Moon needs too much attention/2demanding of Mars, or that they're way 2 emotional/sensitive - a crybaby in their eyes. Moon can become quiet a whole lot, when Mars starts2 become mean/aggressive. They want to yell, &scream but won't. Moon will hold all of it in for a long time. They'll start2 feel some kind of resentment towards Mars at some point, And when they're feeling enough resentment = they'll end up erupting on Mars, &even Mars will be surprised by this. Look at houses & signs 2 c where/how Mars gaslights/is 2 aggressive towards Moon, & how/where Moon is 2 emotional/2needy for Mars.
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POF CONJUNCT/TRINE NORTH NODE = North Node person is the one receiving/benefitting from the POF person. Let it be material, or spiritual success/growth. Even higher knowledge. North Node person NEEDS this from POF person! They need it 2 grow and evolve in this life/them getting a step closer towards what they need 2 do here. And it's something that's constant with North Node, like North Node person will always be the one benefitting from POF person, unless they have a double whammy ofc.
BML conjunct DSC = can show that the Lilith person, will ruin house persons relationships with other people. Lilith can also decide, or at least try 2 decide who the DSC person is "supposed" 2 talk 2🐈🐈.
⚡️ Uranus conjunct DSC = causes the DSC person 2 find the Uranus person "unreliable", "not understanding of their needs", "Uranus being eccentric, and not always available 4 house person"❄️. Uranus could come & go a lot. U could like that energy, if u have Uranus aspecting your DSC in your natal chart.
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REMEMBER 2 ALWAYS LOOK AT BOTH NATAL CHARTS2!!💋 REALLY EVERYTHING, SO YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW IT PLAYS OUT!! THANKS4READING!!!
I appreciate u❤️
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If I can’t have you, no one can
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pairing(s): ethan landry x fem!reader, slight oc x reader
summary: your boyfriend is murdered only to find out your best friend was the killer.
warnings: yandere-ish themes, obsession, murder, yandere behavior, gore, blood, violence, knife violence, toxicity, scream vi spoilers, stalking, etc…
part 2?
“It’s Halloween, and you know what that means? Your boyfriend smirks. “Mhm, we’re obviously watching the classic Halloween! Michael Myers any day! You smile.
He chuckled.”I’m going to make popcorn.” He kissed you and you kiss back. You’ve been with your boyfriend, Daniel for almost eight months now and you couldn’t be happier.
You met him shortly after moving to New York which happened not long after the massacre that took away your friends by Amber and Richie. God did you hate them so much but karma got them in the end.
You missed Dewey, Wes and Liv so much but there wasn’t anything you could do. You met your new friends not that long after moving with Mindy, Chad, Sam and Tara for College. You enjoyed university.
Suddenly, You remember You specifically told your best friend, Ethan you'd go to that frat party. "Crap, I just remembered, You frown. "I promised Ethan i'd go to that party. But you know, I never spend much time with you anymore. I should just message him."
Daniel smiles. "Okay. Nice of you to at least inform him." You nodded. You were super close, though kind of obvious Daniel seemed kind of jealous of your best friend. You found that funny since Ethan obviously liked Tara. "Okay, I messaged him, You said, unpausing your movie.
Living in New York was so much better than Woodsboro. By now, it became a tourist attraction. When Ethan messaged you back, you felt kind of bad since he seemed disappointed but nonetheless you usually constantly spent time with Ethan so the guilt vanished.
You got closer to Daniel as you two cuddled while watching Halloween, Candy, Soda and Popcorn. However something felt off. Not between either of you but something just wasn’t right.
You suddenly pause the movie. “Hey, Is everything okay, y/n? Daniel asks. “No, Something’s off, you say nervously.
“Hm, do you want me to check it out? He asks, concern in his voice. “No, I don’t hear anything I just… you say before being interrupted by a phone ringing.
“Is it you? You ask. He nods.”Unknown Number.” “Don’t answer! You say, knowing how it always ended. “Okay, He says.”Just stay close to me okay?”
You nod as you continue watching the movie cuddling him despite your gut instincts telling you that something was off.
It had been for a while, since you knew someone had been watching you, following you, for a while. Perhaps a new Ghostface or Crazy Fan of the Stab Movies, But you didn’t know for sure.
You couldn’t let your boyfriend die. Not under the hands of Ghostface. Not ever. Your phone rings. Unknown Number. But, You figured you could be okay. You answer. "Hello? You say, walking in your room.
"Hello Y/N. I missed hearing your voice."
"... What do you want from me?"
"You. However, Your Boyfriend won't be so lucky."
"No, Please don't hurt him! I'll do anything!"
"Anything?"
"Yes."
Suddenly, the caller hangs up and you come back. Your Boyfriend is worried. "Y/n, who were you talking to? He asks. "We have other things we should worry about, Maybe You should go home, You suggested.
"No, I'm not leaving you, Y/N! Daniel insisted. "Just what is-" Suddenly, someone came up from behind him, stabbing him right in the back, He groans. You were face to face with Ghostface. Your Boyfriend was still alive. "No! You said, trying to stop him but he was stronger.
Shoving you very roughly to the side, You fell and could only watch. You weren't going to be murdered. No, You'd be fine, but your boyfriend. "Daniel! You cried, closing your eyes while he screamed, you heard him being stabbed multiple times.
Then, it stopped. You opened your eyes. Your Boyfriend, dead and drenched in blood. His blood. you sobbed, Ghostface coming closer, now in front of you. Hovering over you while he tilted his head.
You whimper in fear while you scoot back, but he kept coming closer. "I'm not going to hurt you, Y/N, Ghostface spoke. You kind of recognized his voice.
"Do I know you... You said, softly. He nods. Your legs hurt while you slowly get up. Your face wet from crying. Your movie still paused. Your boyfriend’s lifeless body. You couldn't help but run. He may not kill you, but still would hurt you. You didn't believe his words. Not one bit.
You quickly open your apartment door and bolt. Ghostface following behind you. What made you so important? There was nothing really. You were an ordinary citizen and Ghostface could’ve killed you easily.
“You can’t run.”
It walked slowly as if not even trying. But that was because he was so confident in getting you. Murdering your boyfriend? That didn’t make you want him.
He must’ve been your stalker. It all made sense. You’d be his next victim. His Final Girl, Or whatever. You didn’t know. But he didn’t try to klll you. He was there for Daniel. Not you. That didn’t make you feel any safer or relieved. In fact a lot worse.
You shouldn’t been killed along with him. Then you’d be with him now. Little did you know, He was right behind you, quickly grabbing you, you fell and groaned as he dragged you right back to your apartment.
You noted that he was strong. And you groan in pain as you know you were having an nosebleed. “You look good in red, Ghostface said.
“Who are you, you fucking bastard! You yell. “Glad you asked, ghostface said. Ghostface pulled off his mask and your eyes widen.
“Surprise, Y/N.”
It was your best friend, Ethan. Who was shy, sweet and nervous. But it made sense. Who’d suspect the kind, shy guy?
You didn’t want to cry. He comes closer. “Hey, don’t cry, he cooed. Though what does it do for you. You shove him back. “Stay away from me! You say.”I can’t believe you. You were at the party.”
“I was, and well, then I just had to come over, Ethan laughs.”Your Bastard boyfriend stole you away from me. But now… he’s out of the way.”
“I don’t like you like that, You say, backing away.”Even if I didn’t have a boyfriend.” “That doesn’t matter, Because I’m not letting you go, not anymore, He says.
And when you were backed into the corner, You knew that you were fucked. Really fucked.
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zuhuan · 6 months
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Jujutsu Kaisen men as a boyfriend ♡
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Characters: Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Nanami Kento, Choso Kamo
Summary: Headcanons about those characters (idk)
SFW
COMISSIONS -> open
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
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Gojo Satoru:
• He absolutely loves to provoke you
• Since Gojo is much taller than you, he likes to tease you with it
• He picks you up and carries you around in random situations (he loves it when you hang on him like a koala)
• He likes to impress you by being the strongest
• Dates at home are essential (who knows what will happen in the end)
• Gojo can easily annoy you with his sarcastic behavior. That's why when he sees that you don't find him funny anymore, he hugs you and looks at you with puppy ​​eyes. He's like "I aM sOrRy -_- "
• He can sacrifice anything for you
• He cannot accept when he is not right about something, so you can argue with him a lot
• When you kiss him teasingly and walk away, he immediately grabs your wrist and pulls you back to him and kisses you even harder
• Next to you, he lowers his infinite ability, so you can hug at any time, etc.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
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Geto Suguru:
• Because he has big hands, he can cup almost your entire face and give kisses everywhere
• Uncreative with presents but you love them
• His clothes = Your clothes
• He will learn your native languange just because of you (he does not like to admit that he needs help in learning that)
• He likes to take funny pictures of you or the two of you
• He often summons the curses he has absorbed and shows them to you (flex)
• Geto is serious with others, but when he's with you he's a completely different person
• He takes cues very hard
• He can only fall asleep with you, you are his sleeping plushie
• His favorite pastime with you is when you two are alone, watching movies and cuddling
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿
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Nanami Kento:
• He is literally the softest and calmest person when you're alone with him
• A real Michelin star chef cooks for you every day, but sometimes luxury restaurants are essential
• He doesn't like it when you keep something to yourself (he'll get out of you what's wrong at any cost)
• Carries you to bed when you fall asleep on the sofa
• Shopping together
• Cute but weird nicknames (usually yound lady/boy)
• He lets you tie his tie, and style his hair (but he's very honest)
• Randomly buys you the most expensive gifts
• He behaves like a real gentleman around you in public, but he is himself at home with you
• Gets quiet aggressive when when it comes to protecting you
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿
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Choso Kamo:
• He worries about your safety 24/7 because he doesn't want to lose even more important people
• Loves it when you play with his hair and even allows you to make him up
• Always want to be be near you
• Choso probably doesn't sleep much or even needs sleep, but he sings you to sleep
• You two hold hands all the time
• Hugs from behind while whispering sweet things in your ear (or maybe something else)
• You fell first but he fell harder
• When he trains, he likes you to join him because he is happy to teach you self-defense techniques
• Neck kisses before you fall asleep (please)
• You are the only person who can calm him down and for that he is very grateful
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soleilceirinen · 3 months
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Scaredy Cat | modern!Tommy Shelby x fem!Reader
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Summary: your boyfriend and your cat don't get along, they hate each other. When you have to travel for work and there is no one else to take care of your cat except for Tommy, you can't help but worry. What will you find when you return?
Warning: mentions of past animal abuse (not anymore), the cat gets sick, Tommy swears as usual, etc. If some of this might trigger you, don't read. There are mentions of smut but no real smut.
A/N: English isn't my first language, sorry if there are mistakes!
Peaky Blinders Masterlist - Cillian Murphy Masterlist
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Tommy was very good with horses. Sometimes, just to tease him, you liked to call him 'Horse Whisperer Tommy'. He didn't find it funny at all. The truth is that he didn't get along so well with cats. 
At least, this man was incapable of getting along with yours. And it was funny because most of the time he reminded you of an angry cat himself, the rest of the time too, being honest. Sometimes, when you were on the couch watching a movie with Tommy lying on your chest and you scratched the back of his head right where his hair was shorter, you would swear you could hear him purring, melting under your touch. 
Your cat liked to make things difficult. The first time Tommy stayed over at your house, the cat took the space on the bed between the two of you, making it clear which was her territory and that you were hers. Every time he tried to get closer to you he was met with an outstretched paw that pushed him to the opposite side of the bed. You thought it was funny, he not so much. When you woke up you found Tommy's suit jacket full of orange hairs, crumpled on the floor. To this day the jacket still had traces of cat hair.
Moreover, how could you forget the day when Tommy was working on his laptop from your house and the cat bit the corner of the screen? Needless to say, Tommy couldn't continue working on whatever he was doing, which pissed him off so much, because the device stopped working. Your cat spent the rest of the day with a satisfied expression on her round face.
The rest of the time, the poor creature just hissed at Tommy every time she saw him. Eventually, she ended up accepting that neither of them were going to disappear from your life. At least you hoped it wouldn't happen in a long time. 
From the bedroom you heard your boyfriend talking, his deep voice too low to understand his words. You assumed that he would be talking on the phone, always busy with work, even in his sleep he kept mumbling meaningless phrases. 
You headed to the kitchen, after a long day at work you couldn't wait any longer to have dinner. Your cat appeared out of nowhere and began to walk between your legs, creating infinity shapes and wrapping her long tail around your calf. You bent down to scratch her belly when she leaned on the floor in the middle of the kitchen.
"You're so cute," you said in a childish voice, earning a sideways glance from Thomas, full of resentment.
"Cute my balls," he spat.
The cat looked at you with her eyes wide open, as if she were asking you ‘did you hear what he said?’ You jumped to your feet and put your hands on your hips, looking at Tommy with a raised eyebrow. "May I know what's the matter with you?" 
“Your cat, Y/N,” he muttered, turning to you with his hand in front of his face. On the back of it was a deep cut, no, it was a scratch. "Look what the evil’s spawn has done to me."
You glanced at the cat one last time, she looked back at you and licked her paw innocently. Letting out a sigh, you took Tommy's hand in yours to inspect the wound.
"What have you done to make her do this?" you asked cautiously.
He responded with a huff. "Nothing. She came out of nowhere and jumped at me with her claws out."
You nodded in silence and began to disinfect his hand. Your cat was like that, she didn't like men. Actually, she only liked you. Sometimes you wondered if her bad attitude was due to her previous owners, who didn't treat her very well. The thought of someone mistreating your cat filled you with sadness as well as anger. Fucking bastards.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, to him and to her, a tinge of sadness in your voice which didn't go unnoticed to Tommy.
When you finished covering his scratch with a bandaid, Tommy grabbed you hand in his and gave it a loving squeeze before continuing placing the food on the dinner table. 
-
You had always liked animals, when you were little you weren’t allowed to have pets because your brother was allergic to them. So, the moment you got a job in the city and moved out on your own, the first thing you did was go to the nearest shelter to adopt a kitten.
That was the initial idea, to bring a small cat home and raise it. However, when you saw the sad eyes of the orange cat watching you from inside her cubicle, you had the feeling that you were predestined to end up together. She was already an adult cat at that time but that didn't matter to you.
At the shelter they briefly told you that her former owners, whoever they were, had mistreated her and left her abandoned, half dead in a garbage can. A homeless man searching through the trash found her and took her there, where she was taken care of until she luckily recovered. You couldn't be more grateful to that stranger who cared enough to rescue her. Unfortunately, two years had passed since then and no one had wanted to adopt her. 
She instantly won your heart. You took her home and named her Cat, like Holly Golightly's cat in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Plus, both of them looked alike. Of course, Tommy complained that it was a ridiculous name for a cat, similar as if he called one of his horses Horse.
-
A couple of weeks after the scratching incident with Tommy, you were notified that you had to travel to another city for a week on behalf of the company you worked for, which was great because it gave you the opportunity to explore new places. The disadvantage was that your cat was old and had to take a pill every day, for life. You didn't trust anyone to leave them in charge of such a task, but not going on the company trip would mean losing the opportunity to receive a promotion in the coming months. You didn't know what to do but you had an idea.
That night Tommy was going to visit you, so you would make him a suggestion.
After having dinner, Tommy and you started kissing passionately. Everything with him was very intense. His warm, calloused hands ran along your sides under your shirt, leaving a trail of goosebumps over your soft skin. Your fingertips scratched the shaved sides of his hair and he let out a moan, pressing his lips harder against yours, never breaking the contact. 
You were starting to feel his bulge growing against your crotch, so you moved your hips against him, enjoying the friction. Now you were the one who let out a moan of pleasure.
“Fuck,” he murmured, burying his face in your neck as he panted. "Can't you make her leave, or at least make her stop staring at me like that?"
You looked at him slightly confused, following his gaze to the cardboard box where Cat was lying with her head resting on the edge of it, watching you without blinking. It didn't matter how many beds you bought her, none could beat the cardboard box. Rolling your eyes, you placed a hand on your boyfriend's face and caressed his sharp cheekbone, trying to get him to focus on you again.
"Just ignore her. Look at me," you said softly, kissing his jaw.
Tommy pulled away from you and sat on the sofa, running a hand over his face. "I can't, love. She's looking at me, killing my mood." He shrugged, looking sick.
You sighed, mentally saying goodbye to any possibility of Tommy fucking the hell out of you. "How bold she is, daring to look down on the great Thomas Michael Shelby."
He gave you a wide eyed look before frowning. "Are you making fun of me? Hey, where do you think you're going? Taking the beast to another room?"
"I'm going to get some water."
Once in the kitchen you took a couple of deep breaths, gathering the courage to talk to him. It was your opportunity to convince him to stay with Cat. You returned to the living room and sat next to him, crossing your legs on the sofa.
"Tommy, do you remember my work trip?"
He looked at you with a blank face for a few seconds until a spark of knowledge shone at the back of his eyes. "Yes, you're going away for a week. Is that right?"
You nodded, biting your lip. "Can I ask you a favor?"
His expression changed to one of suspicion. Usually you didn't ask for things, you didn't hesitate, so he knew you were about to ask him to do something he wouldn't like.
"It depends".
"You have to come in the morning to feed Cat, but not too much because she eats it all and gets sick," Tommy opened his mouth to complain but you were faster, placing the palm of your hand over his lips before continuing. "At night you come back and give her the pill with a bit of soft food, you have to pay attention and make sure she has swallowed it, okay? Also,  change her water, because when she has it for more than a day she won’t drink it."
He gave you a small kiss on the palm of your hand. You removed it and looked at him through your lashes, expectantly.
"Anything else?" he asked, feigning boredom. You smiled. It had been very easy, you hadn't even had to convince him.
"Yes! You have to clean up her cat litter."
-
The day of your trip, you left everything ready so that when he arrived at night, Tommy would find things easily. 
He opened your apartment door and stuck his head in doubtfully, there was no sign of the furry little beast. He was having flashbacks to the last time he stayed over, when Cat started running around the house making weird noises as if she was possessed by Satan himself. Tommy still felt chills remembering how the cat jumped into the bedroom moving sideways with her tail twisted while she howled. You couldn’t stop laughing, used to see your cat doing that almost every day, but Tommy kept saying that he witnessed a demonic possession that night.
But at that moment there were no howls or strange noises. In fact, everything was quiet. One of those silences that he had experienced so many times in his life before. The kind of silence that does not bode well. Tommy squared his shoulders, he wasn't going to get carried away by his superstitious ideas. It was just a cat. He would come in, give her the pill and some water, and then he would leave. Fast and clean. 
As he approached the corner where the hallway turned to the left at a ninety-degree angle he stopped. Your cat liked to hide there before jumping like a lion hunting for its prey on Tommy's legs. He still had the scar from the last bite, he didn't want to take another one.
This time he was prepared. With a quick movement he stood on the next section of the hallway. But there was nothing. Frowning and feeling a bit ridiculous, Tommy walked through the house looking for the little beast until he found her lying on the sofa.
The cat was curled up in a ball, her head resting on the armrest. Only her green eyes moved following Tommy's movements as he approached her. She seemed kind of off and Tommy couldn't help but feel a tinge of empathy.
“Do you miss Y/N too?” he asked out loud. The cat blinked weakly. "This place feels weird without her around, huh?" 
Tommy didn't know what to expect, some kind of reaction or something. The cat remained still, staring at the wall. He gave her one last glance, shrugging and heading to the kitchen. You had placed a note on the refrigerator door with more instructions, attached with a magnet in a miniature version of the Eiffel Tower that Tommy brought you from Paris. 
He ran his fingertips over your handwriting, thinking. He was going to take you to France the next time you had holidays. The rest of the refrigerator was covered with polaroids of you smiling at the camera, the two of you together, you with your friends and family... and the cat.
'Ah yes, the cat.' Tommy remembered, turning around.
The food and water bowls were full, as if she hadn't touched them all day. That was strange, the feeling of something not going right increased. Grabbing a clean bowl, Tommy put some soft food in it and inserted the pill, completely camouflaged, before placing it on the floor in front of the sofa. 
"Eat," he indicated authoritatively. 
He was a man used to being obeyed in everything, everyone did except you. You were the only one who could handle him like a rag doll and he wouldn’t complain. There was no doubt that this cat was yours, she didn't even look at the food.
Tommy grunted, losing his patience. He grabbed the bowl with one hand and the cat with the other, pushing them together as much as he could. The animal did not resist, after a few minutes a third of the food was gone, including the pill, but she refused to swallow more. "As you wish," he murmured, leaving the remains of food next to the other bowls.
When he looked into the small laundry room where you had the cat's litter box, his heart skipped a beat. Everything was a mess, the floor was full of poop and vomit.
"Fucking hell," he muttered under his breath. Then he returned to the living room, ready to give the cat the reprimand of her life but stopped short. He hadn't noticed before but there were also traces of vomit on the living room floor. "Shit."
Just then his phone started ringing. Your name appeared on the screen. He cleared his throat and answered.
"Hello Tommy" your voice sounded happy although somewhat tired. "How are you doing, honey?"
"Good. I gave the pill to the beast, don't worry. Are you okay?" He spoke as fast as he could, trying to move the conversation away from the cat. 
"Yeah, it's a little boring you know, all day in meetings and now they want to go to have dinner but I don't feel like going. I haven't been able to call you all day, as you can see  I haven't stopped.” You let out a small laugh. ”Hey Tommy, thanks for taking care of Cat. It means a lot to me. I have to go, they came to pick me up. I love you!"
You hung up the call before he could say anything back. Leaving the phone on the coffee table, he walked into the balcony, feeling the cold wind against his skin.
Tommy leaned on the balustrade as he lit a cigarette, smoking slowly. You didn’t like him smoking inside the house, or smoking in general, but that was his problem and you couldn’t change it. This way the balcony became his territory. Once he finished, he went back inside, closing the door behind him. The last thing he needed was the cat jumping out the window. 
He started cleaning everything the best he could while debating whether to call you again and tell you everything, that something was wrong with your cat, or try to fix it on his own. Yes, he would do that better. Tommy was a man of resources, he wasn't going to ruin your trip and worry you if he could take care of it.
After making sure everything was clean and the cat had food and water, he left your house, relieved that he wouldn't have to spend another second alone with that animal. 
-
When he returned the next day and found both the food and water intact, he headed to the living room, where Cat was still lying in the same position as the day before. He felt his soul leaving his body. 
Tommy swallowed and sat on the couch next to the cat. He approached his hand slowly to touch her soft fur, expecting the cat to hiss like she always did when he got too close to her. That would mean everything was fine. But that didn’t happen, the feline's only reaction was shuddering and letting out a pitiful whimper so soft that if he hadn't been sitting next to her, Tommy wouldn't have heard it.
Shit, shit, shit. He covered his mouth with his hand, his brain working at maximum power. He had to do something. Being aware of how important that cat was to you, if something bad happened to her... he didn't even want to imagine your reaction. 
Without wasting another second, he dialed May Carleton’s number, the veterinarian who sometimes treated his horses. After explaining the situation, she told him to bring Cat into the clinic to take a look at her. Tommy picked up the cat in his arms, wrapped in a blanket, and held her to his chest like one does when cradling a baby. The poor thing let him do it, too weak to complain.
The drive from your house to the clinic was frantic, Tommy drove like a madman and once there he skipped the line in the waiting room, entering directly and leaving the bundle on the metal table. "Thomas, you can't sneak in like this," said May while putting on a pair of clean latex gloves.
"It's an emergency," he said, pointing to the metal table.
The vet's expression changed from annoyance to concern the moment she laid her eyes on the poor creature. "Okay, Thomas. I'll take over from here, why don't you wait outside?"
It turned out that she had eaten some plant that's poisonous to cats. This had caused her intestine and some other organs to inflame, or something like that. At least they had discovered it in time to help her.
The first thing Tommy did when he got back to your apartment was throwing away all the plants. The second thing was not taking his blue eyes off from Cat for a minute during the next three days.
-
At the end of the week you couldn’t wait any longer to go back home. You called Tommy several times but he didn't pick up the phone. Every time you had talked to him in the past few days he always told you that everything was going great. You had a hard time believing it. In about twenty minutes you’ll be home and you could finally hug your baby Cat and take a shower, in that order.
You stopped at the entrance of your home, leaving the suitcase and your shoes next to Tommy’s. He's here after all, you thought. The lights were off, all of them except for the one in the living room. You walked towards there and what you saw made your heart fill with love. 
Tommy was on the sofa, fast asleep. Curled against his side was Cat, sleeping too. She was holding Tommy’s hand between her paws. You covered your mouth with your hand, hiding your smile. They were too adorable. Never had you thought the day in which the two of them could get along would come. Seeing them sleeping together seemed like a dream. 
You took your phone and started taking pictures of them. The next week you would print one to put it on your fridge door, a new moment to remember.
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sunooflower · 7 months
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adam stanheight headcanons
i'm mentally ill. anyways relationship headcanons for the silly man ig. is the adam stanheight hive even alive on here anymore?
warnings - nsfw mentions.
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confession:
he's a fucking pussy he would procrastinate for like a month.
tries to come up with a damn script but can never get it right, causing him to panic even more.
decides to just freestyle the whole thing but then that makes him stress out more.
when he finally tells you, he'd be so nervous he'd try to stall.
would end up saying some shit like "hey i have to tell you something..." *panics* "uhh.. your hair looks nice in a ponytail."
"adam, my hair is literally down."
"ah.. shit.."
gives in and just mumbles the whole thing like "ireallylikeyouandit'sfineifyoudon'tfeelthesamebutijustwantedyoutoknow."
you have to get him to repeat it bc you obviously didn't hear a damn word.
he finally repeats himself more clearly and then proceeds to look at the ground.
once you tell him you feel the same way, this dude starts acting all cocky like he wasn't 2 seconds away from shitting his pants.
"ohhhh you're so obsessed with meeee~"
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affection:
given his trauma from the bathroom trap and the betrayal of lawrence breaking his promise of coming back for him, adam is most likely going to be quite clingy since he feels safe with you.
there were times at the beginning where you would have to try your best to convince him that you won't leave him. sometimes you still do, but it's not as bad as it was at the start.
like you could be cuddling and then you get up to use the bathroom but adam would hold you tighter the second you start to move, and you'd have to promise him that you were just going to the bathroom and that you were going to come right back.
he's very grateful for how understanding you are though. sometimes in the back of his mind he worries that his trauma is a burden for you, but you always find ways to prove that it's not.
very big on cuddling, he tells everyone that he's the big spoon but in reality he's the little spoon.
loves having his hair played with, whether you stroke it, run your fingers through it, twirl it, etc. it makes him feel loved, it makes him feel 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦.
back hugs are essential!! he loves both giving and receiving back hugs. sometimes, if he's in his red room developing his pictures, if you randomly give him a back hug and watch him as he works he will immediately forget what he's doing and turn all of his attention to you. in which case you'd have to tell him to finish his work.
he'd do his bitchiest pout but would oblige, once he finishes his work he damn near wrecks everything with how fast he spins around and tackles you with a hug.
kissy wissy 😽
honestly the type of dude to be like "adam and (y/n) sitting in a tree, k.i.s.s.i.n.g." before kissing you.
would probably also make a cooties joke.
but he will never give up the opportunity to have some kisses!
also dude can KISS like damn okay.. 👀
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nicknames:
when it comes to affectionate nicknames, he would probably call you "babe" or "baby" but i feel like that's as far as it would go.
like i don't think he fully digs nicknames, he doesn't mind them, but he seems like he cringes at some of the nicknames that people come up with, like "honeybun" or some shit.
loves giving you random nicknames though.
one time he called you "optimus pussy." another time he called you "sexy doorknob."
one time he just called you "stan the man" like idk why he did that, but he just did.
will melt at any nickname you give him though, secretly loves the cute names you give him. but he also loves it when you can match his sense of humour and give him random nicknames back.
his favourite silly nickname that you called him was "dookie stain." like it had him in stitches bro, the man has questionable humour.
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dates:
doesn't actually have much experience with dates, but he tries.
his favourite activity to do with you is to just stay home, watch a movie, and eat whatever the fuck you want. he feels at peace on those dates.
sometimes he'll take you out to places to try and impress you. you mentioned ONE time that you had been craving a certain type of food from a restaurant and what did he do? well he took you to the wrong restaurant by mistake but he still tried 🫶🏻.
walks are nice, he likes holding your hand as you both walk around admiring the scenery around you.
cd/vinyl stores. yup. real bc i said so.
bro starts pulling some corny shit like playing a song out loud on one of the record players and tries to dance to make you laugh. bro thinks he's in a movie 😹🫵🏻.
but above all else, i don't think he gives a shit what he's doing as long as you're with him (preferably within arm's reach.)
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nsfw:
dude.
this man is not gonna dom anyone for shit💀.
like have you seen the man? he's so pathetic.
he's vocal for sure, he whines and whimpers idc.
he is EAGER to please you, like he will go down on you as if you're his last meal.
the thought of him not getting any attention for his 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 problem whatsoever until he gets you to finish at least once turns him on big time.
he's a spit enthusiast, whether you're spitting or he is, he doesn't care it gets his head spinning all the same.
sometimes if you feel like teasing him, you won't let him fuck you or touch you. instead you tell him to simply jerk off whilst you do the same.
that makes him lose his damn mind but as i said, he's eager to please you so he'll do pretty much anything you ask him to.
talk dirty through the entire ordeal, if you say some shit like "it's a shame you're not gonna fuck me, you're doing so good it's adorable how desperate you are to make a mess of yourself." he'd probably have to stop for a few seconds in order to stop himself from cumming then and there. strangled noises and whimpers following close behind of course.
loves it when you're on top, one time you called him a pillow princess when you were riding him and bro busted immediately -much to his embarrassment- but you quickly assured him that it was okay and that it was cute.
but of course he won't let you do ALL the work. he wants you to relax from time to time too, so every now and again he'll put in the work.
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aftercare:
literally the sweetest.
this is where we come back to him being clingy and a stinky little cuddle bug.
literally will not let you go, he'll ask if it was good, if you were okay, if he did a good job, etc.
showers you with compliments and i love you's. smiles at you when you return them, loves hearing you speak so sweetly to him.
runs to clean you up. sometimes if he's too tired, still a little bit in the mood, or both - he'll just clean you up with his tongue. but usually he runs to get a towel for you, and he carefully washes the mess off of your body before you take a rag and do the same for him.
one time during after care, you kissed the bullet wound scar on his shoulder (from when lawrence shot him) and told him he was beautiful. that caused him to cry and pull you into an embrace, mumbling out a string of thank you's and i love you's.
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idk i have primal urges towards this man.
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coexistentialism · 2 months
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Finding Your Identities: Figuring Out Your Alters When Your Alters Aren't "Distinct" "People"
I have been wanting to make this post for a very long time now.
I have talked countless times on this blog about how a lot of the "how to figure out your alters" lists do not and cannot apply to me, or systems who may be like me, for a variety of reasons.
We do not have distinct senses of selves, we don't feel like our own distinct individuals, in any way whatsoever. There is no specific, unique, distinct "cue" or feeling or anything that tells me I've switched, or tells me that a specific, distinct alter is fronting who is different from any other alters. There is no specific, distinct THING that tells me "okay yeah that was very obviously and specifically and undeniably a different alter."
It's easy to deny you have alters when your alters are not distinct individuals who know they are their own unique, separate selves. It's easy to deny you have alters when it always feels like "you."
If you don't experience your alters as distinct 'entities' where you can obviously and distinctly refer to them as "that is (that specific alter) and that is not (these other alters)", it can be nearly impossible to figure out your alters at all.
This has been a horrible aspect of my denial since essentially the beginning. I mean, when everything online tells you that DID involves a distinct sense of "not me" to it, how can you know if you have it if it doesn't feel that way to you?
Now obviously I DO have that feeling of "not me"... It's just not described using those specific words. I was taking it all way too literally (thanks, autism NFKDSFDKJ).
It's more like "I don't really feel that way anymore" or "yeah I felt that way, but not anymore."
Or "I don't really relate to that anymore" or "I don't really like this as my identity anymore" or "I don't like this name anymore."
Or "this feels like someone else's life" (but more of a feeling, it's not like I just suddenly don't know anything in my life anymore. I know my girlfriend and love her still and I know I live in this house, etc.)
I'll feel like I am attending therapy because I have to, or I'll feel like I'm relaying information that I know factually, as if I was told a story of things that happened and I have to relay that information to someone else.
Or just generally a weird feeling that something is off.
And that's the thing - dissociation (for me personally) is less like "things aren't real" and "I'm not real" and more like just a vague feeling that something is OFF, and you don't know what, and you can't explain it.
I remember as a kid feeling like I'm the "only conscious being" or "feeling like I'm in an anime" or "acting out a dramatic scene in a movie." Now all three of those descriptions still fall under "feeling like things aren't real/etc." but I never interpreted it that way, because of how literally I take things, I didn't make the connection, because I never used the SPECIFIC wording of "feeling like I'm not real/feeling like the world isn't real/etc."
I straight-up told one of the first therapists I saw for a DID diagnosis that I "don't really dissociate at all" because I don't really experience the "nothing is real/I'm not real/etc."
This, too, brought me a lot of denial, because people only describe dissociation as "things don't feel real", "you don't feel real", "you feel like you're floating", "you're watching yourself", "you're watching the world through fog/glass", etc. And because I never really used those specific words to explain my feelings and experiences, I figured I wasn't really experiencing any dissociation, or at least just very rarely and mildly so.
That's a key thing here - the WORD CHOICES being used to describe alters, systems, CDD experiences, etc. don't really match up with my experiences at all. I take things extremely, extremely literally, and when everybody describes their alters and refers to them as distinct, different people, it's hard to feel like your experiences are the more common experience, especially when people around you might continue to reinforce that denial, by assuming you must not have alters, or you have a different disorder, etc., because you are "always awake and present no matter what alter is fronting", etc.
Your personal interpretation of your experiences matters a LOT when it comes to CDDs, figuring out if you have a CDD, and it also plays a large role into how your system might present/feel/look/what alters you have/etc.
For example, many people interpreted their alter experiences and switches as creating characters. That, then, might become a huge aspect of figuring out your alters - you might realize that many of the characters you've made (or all of them) through the years were actually alters. With that lens, you might, then, be able to have a lot of knowledge about your alters based off of that alone - those "characters" might have specific characteristics, lore, designs, etc. that you then realize were all a part of that alter.
You might also, then, find that each time you find yourself making a "new" "character", it's actually just a new alter forming/splitting (or perhaps them just finding out their own identity).
The way you personally interpret your experiences, your feelings, your life, memories, etc. all impact your alters and your system - the way your alters identify, the way it FEELS when alters front, the way your system presents, etc.
I grew up believing I was making things up and lying for seemingly no reason, for attention, because I liked being cool and special. Or that I was purposely acting out a fake, dramatic movie, just to add more drama.
In reality, I was experiencing alter switches and dissociation, but because I interpreted it in those ways, we now have a very difficult time trying to accept and believe that these are real feelings, real experiences, outside of my control, instead of me just saying things for attention and acting dramatic just because.
I also very much grew up feeling like "nothing ever sticks, so why bother taking anything seriously." Now, pretty much all of us still have this attitude, this feeling of "why bother coming up with a name, why bother taking (my feelings, etc.) seriously when it's just gonna go away and not come back."
I would feel confident in a decision or an identity or a name change and so on, only for me to change it the next day, or the next week, and so on.
This made things like questioning my gender identity and wanting to change my name extremely difficult and impossible because I could never be sure if it was going to actually STICK or just be a temporary, fleeting "phase." I became upset (and still become upset and distressed) every time everything turned out to just be a "phase" instead of a real, actual thing. I still have trouble with this. If I want to cut my hair or dye my hair or get new clothes, I will never be able to know for sure if I'll still like it in a different state. If I want a name change, I don't know if it'll be long-term or if I will change my mind the next day.
DID is more like this, and less like "I'm a totally different person with a distinctly different personality and a different name and I am not ("host")."
And if this is relatable to you, this post may very much help you figure out who your alters are.
A lot of things online that try to give suggestions and ideas for figuring out your alters in a way of "ask (your alters) these questions."
For me, I can't really do that, for a variety of different reasons - our dissociative barriers are too high, there's no inner world, and there's no kind of "distinct voices" that I "hear" speaking to me that are coming from a distinctly different "person." And since we as alters do not experience ourselves as distinct individuals where we just know who we are and know we are our own distinct individuals, it's less like asking my alters these questions, and more like asking MYSELF these questions. I want you keep that in mind going into this post.
When it comes to figuring out alters, what helps me is trying to keep track of patterns of changes in my behaviors, likes, dislikes, hobbies/interests, and more.
The following is a TEMPLATE of things you can ask yourself at different times, during different moods, modes, self-states - whatever you wanna call it.
I tried to make them as general as possible in order to hopefully make the questions apply to a general audience/a wide variety of people, instead of being too specific where they might not apply to most people.
You do not have to ask yourself all of these questions! If you don't know the answer to a question, and/or you don't want to answer a question, it can be important to write that down too! You can skip any questions or change them in any way you like.
If a question feels unhelpful to you, feel free to change it into something that might feel more helpful to you personally, and/or just remove it altogether.
Feel free to expand upon these questions! For example, if a question seems helpful to you, you might have further ideas to expand upon that question into further, more specific questions. I actually totally encourage other people to expand upon these questions and come up with more questions that could help others! Definitely share your thoughts in reblogs if you want.
I want to make it clear, first, that this post is NOT trying to make people OBSESS over this!!!! These questions are meant to help figure out alters, but don't obsess over it!
The purpose of these questions is to simply try and keep track of possible patterns of behaviors, etc., not to obsess over figuring out your alters, not to obsess over figuring out what alter you are, not to obsess over making sure your alters are "consistent all the time" or something. It doesn't matter about knowing "who" you are so much as it matters to let yourself exist as you are, at any given moment. It's to allow yourself to exist and see if there is a pattern of emotions, opinions, preferences, likes, dislikes, interests/hobbies, behaviors, and more that crop of every so often - this is what alters are for a lot of people. Like I said, it's less like "distinct, separate person" and more like a recurring pattern of the same/similar emotions/behaviors/traits/etc. that crop up every so often, oftentimes in response to things, such as topics that you may find triggering (for example: feeling like an angry wolf every time the topic of physical abuse comes up, or feeling like a scared child when you feel like someone said something upsetting), or even positive topics, such as feeling like you become a girl whenever the topic of fashion gets brought up, or feeling like you're 13 when the topic of a childhood beloved TV show comes up.
While "feeling like (xyz) in response to (xyz)" does not necessarily mean you have a CDD, this post is specifically about those experiences under the context of having a CDD. If you relate to anything I wrote in this post, it does not necessarily mean you have a CDD! Similarly, if you DON'T relate to anything in this post, it also doesn't mean you DON'T have a CDD! I am sharing this post with the assumption that the people reading it already know they have a CDD, and/or strongly suspect it.
Questions to ask myself for figuring out alters:
Month day, year. Time (or whatever way you want to write down the month/day/year/time).
What name(s) do I like?:
This doesn't have to be names of specific alters (by that I mean, you don't have to go through your list of alters with specific names to figure out if you like one of them). You can write a vague idea of what name/names you might like (such as "a name related to plants" or "a name that reminds me of the ocean"). You can write down multiple names. You can write down no name. You can write down that you're indifferent. Anything!
What pronouns do I like?:
Again, you can write down anything. If multiple sets of pronouns vibe, write that down! If nothing vibes, write it down! If you don't have any strong feelings/if you're indifferent, write that down too! If you don't know, write that down!
Are there any particular labels I feel drawn to/feel I identify with?:
It can be an LGBTQ+ label (bisexual, demiboy, aromantic, lesbian, etc.), or a label related to something else
What kind of color(s) am I drawn to?:
Darker colors? Pastel colors? Neon colors? Light colors? Etc.
What do I want to do? What would I do if I had the resources (time, money, 'skill', motivation, energy, etc.) (for example, maybe you wish you could play guitar, but you can’t play guitar, don’t have a guitar, etc.)?:
Similarly, is there anything that I might normally be interested in that I find myself no longer wanting to do?:
-- Listening to music: What songs? Am I singing along? What are the songs about? How do I feel about the music? Are there any songs I dislike? Any particular common genre/theme with the music I find myself liking right now?
-- Art: - What kind of art (Digital art? Doing makeup? Sculpting? Knitting? Painting? Woodworking? Photography? Any art counts.) - What is my art style like/what tools am I using? (If digital art, what program am I using? What brushes am I using? Etc. (Different alters might prefer to use different art programs and different art brushes!)) - What does the artwork depict? (Vent art? Are there themes of trauma? Dissociation? Fanart? Something else?)
-- Playing a game: - What game? - What am I doing in the game? Are there different game modes? If so, what mode am I playing? Is my character customizable, and if so, how does my character look? (Some alters might prefer to change the way the character looks to match how they might feel inside!) - Are there any games I don't currently care for?
-- Watching YouTube: - What is the topic of the video? (Is it about a hobby I like? A TV series? A video essay? Something else?)
-- Playing an instrument: - What instrument? - Am I trying to learn a specific song/songs? - Am I making my own music? Are there lyrics to go along with it? - If it’s a specific song (either writing your own, or trying to learn how to play a certain song on an instrument), what is it about? Any specific themes that stick out?
-- Writing: Poetry? Working on a book/short story? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?
-- Reading: What am I reading? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?
-- Something else…
What am I thinking about?
What am I talking about?
How am I feeling?
Did something trigger me to feel this certain way?
If something triggered me to feel a certain way, do I know the reason(s) why? (For example, if you encountered something that brings up trauma-related feelings, etc.)
You might describe your feelings in ways other than a simple “sad”, “mad”, or “happy.” You might be more specific, such as “I feel like white noise” or “I feel like a dog” or “I feel like an ocean.” This is completely valid and an important thing to keep note of as well. You can even write down that you feel tall, or you feel a different age, or you feel like a certain character.
There are many more questions that you could ask 'yourself' to get to know 'yourselves.' This list is not exhaustive, and like I said, you can simply you this template to bounce off ideas of what questions you, personally, would find most helpful!
I'd love to hear anybody's input, and I hope this post helps anyone. :] If not, feel free to share around anyway, if you want!
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yandere-daydreams · 8 months
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Oh god that gojo age regression post is like one of the most unhinged scenarios i've read so far... like the fact that what if he did meet you in his late twenties and you're not even a sorcerer yourself and just some random person who he he came across after a mission, who he instantly attached himself into because you're the first person in years to ask if he is okay? And his deluded mind just instantly came up with all sorts of scenarios where you are his hs girlfriend/fiancee/etc? Omg 🤯 delusional gojo is 🥹👌
tw - kidnapping, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied non/con, age regression (?).
i can see him using any relationship with a non-sorcerer to do a little 'civilian cosplay', if that makes sense, so him not only pretending to be normal and untraumatized, but pretending to be a normal, untraumatized, and at an age where he can remember being happy in a totally uncomplicated way with some helpless little thing he kidnapped is an extension of that. you'd be his security blanket in any scenario, but like this, he's free to convince himself that you went to the same high school, that you two stayed up late watching shitty movies and cramming for finals rather than hunting curses and training to kill, that you've been dating for just long enough to still blush and feign protest when his hand slides under the skirt of the uniform he found in a thrift store earlier that day. it's a fantasy he can slip into when one of his students gets hurt, when he sees a head of black hair out of the corner of his eye or Nanami reminds him they aren't teenagers, anymore. he'll get his hands on an old copy of your yearbook, use every scrap of information as fuel for the little den of delusion he's made with you, and if you don't want to deal with the condensed layers of trauma and disillusionment that make up gojo as he is now, you'll help him pretend that all the things that led him to needing an emotional-support captive never happened. even if that means smoking like a ninth-grader who just got your older cousin to buy you a pack for the first time, again.
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inf3ct3dd · 7 months
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ellie headcanons pt.5!!!
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warnings: nada
content: loser!ellie x reader headcanons
authors note : ellie dug a hole into my skull and moved in
⁃ against bags for no reason. like her pockets are constantly full of things. random receipts, money, headphones, EVERYTHING. she takes her pants of and they jingle cuz they're filled with COINS.
⁃ knows how to do a back bridge and just HAS to let everyone know. you're watching tv and she's just on the floor like "look"
⁃ i feel like shes the type of person to just start fully eating an orange in the middle of class. like ur listening to the teacher talk and you're just hit by the most aggressive wave of CITRUS from behind you
⁃ constantly fighting the air... like she's just in the kitchen punching and kicking at NOTHING just because. she's always coming up to you and like take punching you and doing her own sound effects like “PWAH PWAH WAM WAPOW"
⁃ jar hoarder 😞😞 every time you buy anything that comes in a jar she's keeping it. literally won't let you throw them away!!! you guys don't even have cups anymore, its just jars and mugs.
⁃ speaking of mugs, ellie has just as many stupid mugs as she does stupid tshirts. absolutely has a lot of garfield mugs be she LOVES GARFEILD
- would buy a dry-erase board for your fridge and leave u little notes and drawings
⁃ "Every single time I see you, I become horny like a triceratops" with a little drawing of a triceratops"
⁃ breaks into incoherent ramblings when shes sleepy... like insane hypotheticals
"what if our bed just completely exploded right now"
⁃ whenever ur on facetime and it gets quiet she just breaks out into song. not even like good, trying singing but BAD SINGING.
⁃ she does that whenever it's quiet !!!
⁃ is listening to music CONSTANTLY. her headphones are actually attached to her ears like all DAY she's listening to something.
⁃ HATES THE BIG LIGHT (iykyk) she lives for low/ natural lighting definitely has so many lamps and led lights
⁃ can never sit normal.... like she is not beating the gay ppl sitting weird allegations she sits so ODD
⁃ will spend literal hours in the pool. doing flips, pretending to be a mermaid, 'making up' her own tricks, she lives for it & !!!
⁃ refuses to dress right for the weather. it'll be like 90° outside and shes in a whole hoodie and jeans.
⁃ has the WEIRDEST subway order. probably puts banana peppers on her shit 😭😭 she swears its the best thing ever
⁃ love's campy comedy movies, esp lesbian ones and horror movies (but im a cheerleader, bottoms, scary movie, etc) also def loves coming of age movies
⁃ has a letterbox account and makes extremely thought provoking reviews
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literally her
⁃ always taking candids of you, and they're literally her favorite pictures
⁃ every time she sees two things next to eachother she's like "oh my god it's literally us!!"
⁃ one time she crashed her car and it literally fully flipped over and she just crawled out of the trunk and called you like "you would NOT believe what just happened to me."
- absolutely a waffles girl she needs the texture she likes the CRUNCH
⁃ but like she also loves bacon pancakes. like she's obsessed w adventure time and she makes bacon pancakes ALL THE TIME and she sings the song while she makes them
- eats trail mix like all day....she buys the giant jars and you make fun of her cuz she "likes eating nuts"
⁃ the most secret swifty ever. like she refuses to let it be known but she fully sobbed when she listened to folklore for the first time
⁃ obsessed w those baby sensory videos. like she will literally be entertained for hours
⁃ LOVES the lego movies, esp lego batman
⁃ the MOST honest shit talker ever like you'll be like "yeah she's just a really bad person" and she'd be like "she's also like disgustingly hideous...
⁃ her search history isn’t even weird or gross its just…random. like she’s definitely googled “how do cotton candy machines work” before
⁃ family guy enjoyer.....
⁃ her cf story is like insanely long n its filled w random memes she reposts and insane ramblings
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taglist!!!! if ur name is crossed i can't tag u :((
@syrenada @dinaissoprettyoml, @kingofmylastkiss @as2rid @greencacty @melissabarrerass @bratydoll @lov3lylotus @forelliesposts @echostinn @f3r4Ifr0gg3r @r3wbeef @leatheredhearts @mousymaven @mina-281@princessguardian444 @calystas-morning-tea @horror-whoree @slutshies @bearieio @mag-mfm @bubs-world @paran0id0blivi0n @sawaagyapong @bbygrIshelbs @gayh0rr0r @p|9ys @ellieslilsIvvt @dollietes @elliesmellsbadd @ibloom4u @ddreabea @beestar120 @brunettedolls-blog @girlwonderchloe @elliesgflol @maris-koffin @emonopolyman @iloveeyousblog @fr3sh-tragedies @ilovaffles @certifedcrybunny @elleatethat @baldph0bic @clouded-whispers @4rt3m1ss @saggykneecaps @swtsuna @ellesslutt @minixmel @yuyans-stuff @owmoiralover @thecowardwrites @lunascerebro @elliestrwbrry @iwantsoda @teeveegirl @dinasmoon @urnewghostfriend @k3ym4ra @bratzboydoll @ungodlyvenus @lav3nd3rhaze @scokslvoer @iloveunrealpeople @realwinehouse @nehemiahlicious @onedeaddreamer @teawithnosugar @r4t1ku5 @villainousbear @mentallymarriedtonatasharomanoff @gay4tiddies @uraesthete @lil-elliesgf @neighborhood-houseplant @sagessensationalstuff
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stxrveme · 7 months
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some things that help me get past my cravings and impulses:
Chew gum
Drink anything that's 0 cal (water, tea, diet sodas, etc.)
Napping is always so refreshing 🫶🏽
Dancing
Playing video games (esp the Sims so you can make yourself skinny)
Want to order food? Order a diet coke or two.
Watching those ASMR/Mukbang food videos really snaps me back to reality
I've been listening to a lot of subliminals lately. I know they usually don't work but it never hurts to try
Organizing your Pinterest boards and Spotify playlists. I know some of you haven't in awhile 🤨 (I haven't either, it's okay)
Scrolling through EDblr and finding Th1n$p0 🫶🏽
Logging my calories and weighing myself
Coming up with mealspo for when I have a "cheat day"
Researching weight loss tips and tricks
Smoking/Vaping always works too
Taking care of my pets and feeding them instead of myself
Watching movies, TV shows, Youtube videos, gameplays, etc.
Texting my partner/friends
Cleaning my room
Doing laundry
I'll add to this too if anyone would like anymore suggestions 💖
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