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#thoughts all over the place
wildflowermybeloved · 2 years
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All that needs to be said have already been said. But i just wanted to say something -
It takes immense amount of courage and guts for an artist to admit that somewhere along the line they lost sight of who they are as artist, especially when they are as big as BTS. So the fact that the boys not only let us know about this themselves, but also took us through the whole decision making process, what they felt, why they made the decision makes this even more special.
It will be a lie to say that I'm not upset, cause i am. My regret of not finding them sooner is more profound right now. But I'm also excited to see what they are going to do next. I'm excited for their individual works, excited to see how they evolve as artists, and excited for when they again come back stronger and better.
I just hope that both the boys, and everyone in the fandom lives happily, take care of their health, and that we can soon be together once again.
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mariana-oconnor · 2 years
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I love the word psychopomp
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itsjustagoober · 2 years
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Ya know what?
Through the shit posts, the memes, the current events, the heritage posts, the inbox prompts, the drawing prompts, the character prompts and everything else, I want to thank all of you for supporting me day in and day out.
I know it seems like an easy and small thing to thank you guys for, but lemme at least try to let you know where I'm coming from with this. I'm gonna put this under a read more so I don't clog your dashes, but also for those who want to personally read it out too. I am going to be a bit vulnerable here, so I appreciate my own psuedo-privacy this way too. I may lose track of what I'm trying to say too, but that's how it usually goes anyway.
Before I became better acquainted with the internet or met almost all of you here or before, I was just a little guy getting through elementary school like most kids. However, there was one stark difference between me and my classmates: I was a gifted child.
It wasn't until much later in life that I realized what that label had properly fucked up for me and my undiagnosed ADHD and possible autism, but at the time it meant nothing but praise from adults around me and scorn from my fellow classmates.
I was always the weird kid and other kids used to outright avoid me and exclude me from everything, if they could. It usually took teachers and other staff alike to force other kids to partner up with me, even if I never picked up on that in the moment back then.
Other kids I used to consider close friends would simply tease and bully me every day. I was extremely shy and unable to be confrontational, so I would simply let them and take it. I took so much and couldn't tell a single adult because I thought being a Gifted kid meant nothing was supposed to get to you.
One day, though, it finally did get to me. I said something that I couldn't take back and I don't even remember what happened after I said it. I blacked out and when I was aware again, I was in the principal's office with my dad. The one person I absolutely didn't want to involve in any of this and there he was, sitting next to me. So concerned for me, but also disappointed that I couldn't have told him anything about this until I did something that would be on my record forever.
After that, talks were in motion, unbeknownst to me at the time, for us to move in with my grandparents and go to an entirely different school district. For me. All for me because of what I did. Soon enough, that next summer, we moved.
Now I was alone in a new home, a new school and a new neighborhood. The first few weeks of school that year were rough, to say the least. Nobody wanted anything to do with me because I was the new kid and most of the rest of them had all been friends or acquaintances since earlier schooling. The teachers, at least, saw my hidden potential for wanting to be good at what I could, whatever they put in front of me to work on.
However, I was no longer the only gifted kid around. There were dozens, actually, so I thought I could make new friends that way. Once again, peers were just weirded out by me. They knew something was off about me, even if we all didn't know why back then. Once again, I was mostly left floundering for myself.
This time, however, I decided that I was tired of being careful and shy anymore. I just wanted to be myself and had fun. So I started acting out and just being myself. The perfect student was there, but now he had sass and humor and shenanigans on his side. Much to the worries of teachers, but less hostility from his peers.
Fast forward a bit and these same peers are with me through middle school, junior high and high school. However, society has been changing around us as a whole during those developmental and influential years. iPods came to exist, the Internet got more mainstream, Facebook just started and wasn't an absolute shit show yet. It was genuinely meant to help you connect to people you couldn't see everyday.
Anyway, same peers get used to my same shit, so they start to get bored and annoyed with me. I didn't care, though, because I had really good friends and shitty grades while having the time of my life. One thing did change for me, though. I discovered I could make friends over the internet, too.
dA (deviantART) is where I got my start with my daily doodles I did in highschool, instead of doing schoolwork. Got to post, people got to see and interact with my art and me and it was good. Found some friends, found some interests I didn't know I had and continued on.
Sometime in the end of 2011 and the start of 2012, one of my favorite artists on dA announced they had started a Tumblr blog. This was the first time I had heard of the site and had no idea what it was like. Outside looking in, I thought it was another dA with even more fandom stuff. Then I actually got in and settled. It was so much more.
The fandoms, the dashboard layout, the accessibility to a newbie like me, the creativity and the absolute banger posts back then too. Something about it just felt like home. Like, more home than home even.
Years have gone by since that day and I have met most of you here, albeit this is a reboot since the first time around. I've met and re-met friends for life on here and I've also gotten a little bit of a following for myself. It is good!
All good things spoil, though. The first runaround, if I recall, there was a smear campaign or two put out on me. I'd say the one was valid, but then the person involved in that ended up just... dropping everything when it turned out they were right in the argument. That one always baffled me. I was misinformed, so you decided to do a call out on me because I didn't know something correctly?? Can't remember the second one anymore, but it was absolute bullshit anyway that ended up being false to everyone involved aside the person who started it.
Sorry, lemme get back to the point. I don't say this enough, or I don't think I do, but I really appreciate what a lot of you do for me. People used to be annoyed at me for spam-liking and reblogging their stuff on my dash to where I'd get banned and I never quite understood that. It was my way of showing my love and support, which I can now gladly say I see all of yours when you guys like and reblog stuff that I do! I see it and it feels me with joy, honestly!
There may be days where I am not around for days or weeks or months at a time, but I always see when you guys are giving likes and reblogs and mentions and I just want to say, from the bottom of my big heart: Thank you so very, very much~! I love y'all and I can't always put into words what it means for me, but yeah! It's nice to feel wanted and loved and cared about and, dare I say, feel missed.
It's weird to say that too, given what I had known all my life before the reboot of Tumblr even, but yes. It was always a home away from home and I'm glad I get to share it all with you. Ya know, like popping in and seeing how you're all doing or a wave as we pass by on the street. It means so much to me, it does.
It's why I often find myself in a rut when I disappear for awhile and leave people hanging on replies or plots or character stuff. I don't mean to clam up, I just sometimes get busy and get so tired that I can't keep up. I'm usually too afraid to say anything about it, too.
Even before COVID, I didn't have much of a sense of time and my 'relationship meter' is busted. If we have every talked and we're good friends? Well, to me, we still are and have been, even if we don't talk much~! There is no lowering of the meter, just up and steady, ya know?
But yes. I love you all and I deeply appreciate you all supporting me all these years and day in and day out. I hope this is a sliver of the start to show what all you guys mean to me.
Now I'm gonna go take a nap because I exhausted myself writing this and have been on and off crying the whole time I've been typing this.
Have a great day, y'all. I'll see ya again soon enough~!
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egophiliac · 2 months
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well, I can't say I expected the new chapter to feature Idia (metaphorically) going to (metaphorical) hell, getting a pep talk from his (metaphorical) Phantom brother which helps him finally move on once and for all from his brother's death, and (metaphorically) overblotting again to fight his way back out of (metaphorical) hell, only to have his darkest fear (non-metaphorically) come true when his mom goes through his computer and finds all his secret files. but I am glad it did!
also this is all a flashback for the purpose of explaining to our group what the heck is going on (whether or not any of it is getting through is another matter)
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yaolmao · 3 months
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rahhhh dtiys forrrrr: @lotus-pear
Closeup:
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mosovi-vian · 11 months
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And I will stay alive for my future self, so they can one day learn to be kind to who I was as a child. And I will teach them to honor who we used to be, so they can remember the comfort of what once was our untempered flesh and gentle soul. Me and myself are each a fresh wound and a rough scab, bearing respectively the gift of green faith and honed will.
This has been in my draft for a while because I was determined to post this only after I knew what I should write underneath it. I’ve read a lot on the concept of healing the wounded inner child since even before my c-ptsd diagnosis. However, I’ve sought as much comfort in my little self as they had in me. Looking back, I was an impressively emotionally-intuitive kid. I remember well how I used to think, the things I would write to my future self; they were wiser and gentler than I could ever hope to be as an adult. Needless to say, the little poem above is inspired by the aforementioned experience. Sure, big me is armed with a more developed pre-frontal cortex and access to invaluable resources (coping mechanisms, therapy, on and offline communities) , but I struggle to rediscover/reinvent my identity. Little me was the biggest vestige of my lost personhood. So yeah, this might be just a huge self-indulgent projection with my favorite character, but thinking that post-S3 Hunter would also be in my shoes is not completely baseless. 16yrs old Hunter is the fresh wound (a lot of things happened before his teen years, but I’m going to interpret the events of Hollow Mind - which happened when Hunter was 16 - as the ultimate boiling point in his trauma timeline, hence the ‘fresh wound') and 20yrs old Hunter is the rough scab. Each version of Hunter could be dealing with a different set of trauma-induced symptoms. I think his loyalty to Belos kept him going as a child. Being doubtless was important to Hunter back then; it held his sense of self together. And maybe when he survived and was rewarded the time and space to grow into his own person and live for himself, there was this lasting emptiness. I feel this sort of emptiness even today. My only reference of what ‘wholeness’ felt like was when I was obedient to my family. I equated self-abandonment as the righteous norm. The symptoms I deal with today are definitely different from when I was Hunter’s age pre-time-skip. Now that Hunter is in a safe space and an adult post-time skip, he might also need to seek that strength from his younger self. Reminding himself of how far he’s come and the parts of him that he'd like to keep from his past. The parts that he knows in his bones are purely his - not instilled by Belos, not inherited from Caleb.
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capricores · 9 months
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if you have strong mutable (gemini, sagittarius, pisces, virgo) placements then you NEED to write things down if you don't already. all those thoughts that constantly swirl in your head: the frequent tasks, goals, feelings, aspirations, opinions, etc - WRITE THEM DOWN. this is not only therapeutic & stress-relieving for you but almost necessary, or you're going to burn out and overload your own mind constantly.
when you bottle, or when you let plans, goals, dreams, to-do lists, projects, etc live solely in your head - you'll notice you can't sleep as well, it's harder to rest, your memory gets more foggy than usual, you feel burnt out and unable to connect, etc. specifically:
write down your feelings. this will be your ultimate (free) therapy. start to journal, write a diary. make a private twitter/tumblr where you spill your feelings, frustrations, thoughts. you will feel an immense sense of relief by writing or typing your feelings out - even if no one is reading it but you. mutable moons especially. our feelings tend to change rapidly, but it doesn't make them less valid. don't bottle out of the fear your feelings will change/you'll just "get over it"!! write it down and let it out!!
write! to-do! lists!!!!! these don't have to be for important things. you want to learn digital art? you want to study coding? you want to learn french? you want to re-decorate? you probably have a billion things you want to do, and then you get overwhelmed by the options, and do nothing. write down all the things you want to do. make a to-do list for these things. get them out of your head and somewhere permanent/physical. looking at the options in front of you will feel much easier.
make excel project trackers (you can even make these for to-do list items/goals/etc)! mutable placements have a tendency to start a lot of projects or tasks, and never finish any of them. make a simple tracker for all the projects you start. you won't forget what you're working on, and you'll be less overwhelmed trying to remember what you have going on (example of the one i always use pictured below)
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talking out your thoughts and feelings is also very cathartic. make fake (or real, i support u!) youtube vlogs where you spill your feelings and talk about your plans, your day, what you have to do, etc. talk to someone you love and trust, vent to them about how things are; or about what you're getting up to. i find writing has an edge, because you can go back to it for reference (mutables tend to forget things easily) - but as long as you're getting the swirl of your mind somewhere outside of your head, you'll feel so, so much less stressed.
mutable dominants tend to constantly live in go-mode, we're restless and always doing something. we feel uncomfortable and sometimes guilty about staying still. our minds don't ever shut off. it's very important for mutable placements to learn how to rest, be present in the moment, and learn grounding. this can be done in many ways, but i've found personally that writing works best for me. other helpful practices can be: talk therapy, acceptance theory, yoga, meditation, hiking, camping, etc.
i also want to remind mutable signs: we change a lot. we have a lot of ideas. there's so much we want to do. we often feel like we have no path, no big goal; we can struggle with purpose as we don't often aspire for permanent things or "one big goal". this is NOT bad. there is nothing wrong with changing your feelings, your mind, your goals, your life path. you CAN do all the things you want to do! you have your entire life ahead of you! yes, you can learn all those languages. yes, you can have three different careers in your life. yes yes yes! don't listen to negativity from others. don't beat yourself up for not having one big goal like some people around you might. cherish and embrace all the things you want to achieve and complete (both big and small). learn to follow-through with and finish the things that matter to you (writing things down will really help with this, make action plans/steps - break everything down into smaller pieces). take the time to slow down and enjoy the moments as they come. you got this!
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cashmoneyyysstuff · 5 months
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katsuki still apologizes to you the same way he used to when you were kids.
he always makes a face whenever he knows he’s gone too far or when he’s done something he knows he shouldn’t have, his eyebrows are furrowed and his little chubby face contorts into a sad little pout. he tries to look tough but he can already feel guilty tears in his eyes so he looks away from you, little hands balled into fists at his sides and his head hangs low so you can’t see his red face through his bangs.
usually, he tries making it up to you by showing you something he thinks you’ll like or something he finds cool, and sometimes he’ll even let you hold his precious all might card, but only when he knows he really messed up. he’ll stiffly pet your head as an apology for pulling at your hair a little too hard earlier and if you ask him to he’ll kiss the pain away from when you scrapped your knee because he accidentally shoved you a little harder than he meant to when he was chasing you around.
but when you’re mad at him because he’s been really mean, in ways he knows his shiny holographic all might card won’t fix, he opts to simply sit next to you. with a little pout on his face and with his cheeks turning red, he’ll shove his head into your shoulder. he holds onto you tightly so he’s sure you won’t be able to escape him or his apology. you squirm around a little bit but he doesn’t let you go. you stop moving around but you still huff at him, calling him a big meanie. all he does in response is shoving his head against your shoulder and he mutters out a little "m’sorry." against it.
he hears you shuffle to look at him and he looks up at you, his eyebrows are still furrowed and his cheeks are so red because he’s really not used to apologizing and he doesn’t like to, but he does for you. and even at the tender age of seven, you really can’t stay mad at him when he looks like that, so you forgive him and you’ve already forgotten what you were even mad about when he grins at you boyishly, already back to his usual self as he drags you off to your next adventure who knows where, but even at the tender age of seven, you knew you’d follow him to the ends of the earth as long as he led the way.
he’s changed so much and not at all at the same time. he hates it whenever you get mad at him and he still does everything and anything to get your attention when you are. and just like before, whenever he hurts you in ways he knows his actions can’t fix, he opts to come up behind you and wrap his arms around your middle loosely, giving you the option to break out of his hold if you wanted to. his hold on you slowly tightens when you make no move to, his head is shoved into the crook of your neck and his chest is pressed flush against your back,“ i’m sorry.” he whispers.
it wouldn’t mean much if it came from anyone else but this is katsuki. you’ve known him for as long as you can remember, you know how he is : he’s unruly, headstrong and so stubborn it drives you crazy sometimes. but he casts all of that—all of him aside for you.
“i’m sorry.” he says again, his voice is low and a little shaky.“ shouldn’t have said all that to you. that wasn’t…cool” he fumbles around for the right words to say and you have to hold back a laugh as he does so, but you can tell he’s trying.“never wanna make ya mad at me..” he finishes quietly. he’s fiddling around with the ends of your shirt waiting for your response. then he hears you shuffle around to peek at him and he looks up at you.
he really hasn’t changed. he’s still got the same little frown, the same little crease between his brows and the same rosy cheeks. sure his features are less rounded, his cheeks are definitely less chubby, he’s gotten taller but he’s still your same katsuki who’s a little rough and a big meanie sometimes, but who also always makes sure to apologize to you when he knows he’s hurt you because that’s the last thing he wants.
you grant him a tiny smile. his eyes light up and he stands a little straighter and after a second he’s on you, pressing kisses all over your cheek, grinning boyishly at you and you still want to follow him to the ends of the world as long as he’s leading the way.
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quirkle2 · 1 month
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a labor of love about milk. there are other things too i guess
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arthursfuckinghat · 2 months
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I was gone a while, but Charles seemed so genuinely flabbergasted to see me back in camp when I said hi to him
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jimimn · 6 months
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vmon ♡ for @namchyoon ♡ (cr. namuspromised, qdeoks, ssujamss, transl. ryuminating)
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you want a new kind of guy, fine, i raise you: the lady i was briefly roommates with in college who once smoked a blunt at a party and then spent an hour confessing earnestly to me that she genuinely preferred reading detailed episode recaps over actually watching the tv show in question
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tunguszka20 · 24 days
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Odysseus, while slaughtering the suitors: You must think that I'm crazy, you wanna replace me? Baby, there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way
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fluentisonus · 3 months
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i love how ancient people all over the mediterranean and near east across the centuries would hold a ball of clay in their hands, think to themselves 'what should i make', and then have the beautiful wonderful idea of. clay pomegranate
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somewhatidealname · 1 month
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Related to his sense of touch/feeling… Is Springtrap aware of the body inside himself or does he consider himself one whole mass? Like, some kind of cognitive separation between the outside fabric/metal part and the fleshy part? And, would it be painful for him if you were to touch the fleshy part or would you die before you get the chance? (maybe with a 10ft pole haha)
Your art is very lovely and your headcanons as well! I had a “Spring loses his memory” hc as well so it’s interesting to see the difference. Cheers!
that's a really good question and honestly something i hadn't fully considered. i would say he isn't even aware of the remains within them. like yes he's got holes in him and surely he's seen creepy crawlies make themselves at home with him (ew) but you could take off his suit's face and he'd be like wtf. he probably thinks of himself as one whole body
i think his endoskeleton is much more sensitive to touch than his outer body. more sensitive to pain? i don't know. he can feel pain from an electric shock, though. that'll rattle him for a brief period of time. and maybe if you were to try maintenance on him w/o him realizing he'd jolt from that contact
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he's like a hermit crab he's being exposed....
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solarmorrigan · 6 months
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TW: Brief description of a panic attack, mentions of PTSD
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Post-S3 AU with Steve who, after much badgering (and minor bribery) agrees to drive The Party out to The Good Haunted House outside of town a little before Halloween
He doesn't plan on going in, because after what happened over the summer, having people jumping out at him and screaming while possibly brandishing weapons seems like a bad idea. But then he sees the kids walking off into the dark, swarmed by people who look intentionally threatening, leaving his sight, and he decides "fuck it" and goes in after them
Unfortunately, he was correct, and being in an enclosed, poorly-lit space with occasionally flashing lights where people jump out and scream at him is, indeed, A Bad Idea. Worse, their group gets turned around and Steve gets separated from the kids, and then he's alone, he has no idea where in the house he is, or where the kids are, and he's panicking
It really sets in that he's kinda fucked when he stumbles into the the "haunted hospital" themed room and nearly decks the mad doctor in a bloody face mask and apron that comes out wielding a chainsaw. He catches himself in time, but it still makes Steve feel worse, because it's not this guy's fault that Steve can't handle a jump scare, it's not this guy's fault that Steve shouldn't be here at all, that he's fucked up and he should have known better than to come in, and Steve doesn't want to hurt anyone but he doesn't know how the fuck he's going to get out of there, he really doesn't, and -
Enter haunted house actor Eddie, who is used to being threatened with violence (and has, in fact, been punched once before), but who is less used to people having literal heaving breakdowns in the middle of his room. People get scared, yeah, but this - this is another level. This dude looks like he's about to pass out. He doesn't even really look like he's present; the look in his eyes is uncomfortably distant
So Eddie puts down the chainsaw, pulls off his mask and gloves and approaches Steve slowly. The room is fairly quiet without the revving of the chainsaw, so he manages to get Steve's attention, and asks if he wants Eddie to get him out of there
Steve can only nod
Eddie gets him out the back way, the way customers really aren't supposed to go through, but it's faster, and then they're out in the open air and Steve can almost breathe again. Eddie asks him what he can do, and Steve asks him to talk. To remind Steve of where he is
So Eddie talks; he tells Steve he's somewhere outside of Hawkins at a haunted house, tells Steve what it's like to work there, filling the space with funny stories, and it grounds him. By the time Steve feels like the world isn't caving in on him, he can hear the kids shouting from around the other side of the house, looking for him
He has just enough time to thank Eddie before The Party falls on him and he puts his attitude back on, herding them back towards the car with promises of dinner on the way back "if you can all shut up for five minutes"
In the back of his mind, though, he's wondering if he might just drive back out here on his own tomorrow night. Not to go back in--god, no--but to maybe ask at the front who the mad doctor is. Steve thinks he'd like to thank him for his kindness properly
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