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yawnderu · 2 months

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cr: @ave661

Simon wasn't a stupid man. He always knew better, knew to look between the lines even when you tried your best to be deceiving. Even then, the pure rejection you showed to your newborn baby was something not even the best actress could hide. Refusing to hold her after she was born and fully shutting down on Simon, screaming at him whenever he tried to offer any sort of help and support, only getting worse if he ever tried to approach you while holding the baby.

Post-partum depression is no joke, Simon realized after doing his own research, only then realizing just how bad it can get after accidentally stumbling on article upon article of mothers getting to the point of harming their own child. You weren't like that— Simon liked to convince himself despite the growing pit of dread in his stomach, anxiety seeping out of every pore of his body when even months later you refused to hold or interact with the baby.

It all came crashing down after he came back from deployment, the nanny holding his daughter while soothing her with calm words, doing her best to console the crying infant despite the tears falling down her cheeks when she confessed to him that you're gone.

Gone without a trace, at first. Simon wasted no time using his connections to know where you were. Laswell was the most helpful, giving him all the details of the help center you were in, yet even then, Simon didn't reach out first in fear of messing up your progress, not wanting to add more stress to your situation when you were trying to get better.

Four years. For four years, Simon's life was divided in deployments and taking care of his daughter at home, never once thinking about moving on, always asking Laswell for updates— updates she was glad to give him using her own connections, wanting to give Simon some peace of mind even if it went against the rules.

“It's okay.” Simon reassured his daughter, his long sleeves wet with cola that she spilled from her little cup. His home was the complete opposite of the absolute hell he grew up in, not allowing himself to scream, hit, or take out his frustration on the little carbon copy of himself sitting on the couch.

“'M sorry, daddy.” Her sweet voice made the corners of his lips tilt up into a smile, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head, taking off his sweater and putting it away, wasting no time on grabbing a towel to clean up the now sticky mess of coke on the table.

“It's okay, love. Jus' don't tip it, 's gonna spill.” She gave him a small salute in understanding, a cheeky grin on her lips when she saw him holding in his laughter, knowing fully well she's copying him— as usual.

The doorbell ringing got Simon's full attention, giving his daughter one last look before he went to answer. His eyes widened slightly the moment he saw your shorter figure waiting for him, purposely making yourself smaller like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs, a small folder held in your hands. You're both quiet for what seems like forever, the only sounds coming from your daughter in the living room, the TV displaying a kid's show Simon put on.

“I'm so so—” You don't even have the chance to finish your sentence before you're being pulled into a tight hug, Simon's burly arms wrapping around your body, every single second spent missing you, secretly hoping you'd come back one day crashes down on him the moment he feels your arms wrap around his waist, holding him as tight as possible, as if he'd disappear if you don't hold onto him for dear life.

“I got better.” You whisper into his ear, rubbing his back soothingly when he doesn't let go of you. Not yet— not when the love of his life is finally back after years. He plants a soft kiss on your shoulder before his face goes back to burying in the crook of your neck, taking in the familiar scent.

It takes minutes for Simon to finally let go, hesitation clear in his actions as he looked down at you, keeping one hand on your waist in silent fear of you seeping through his fingers. The folder in your hand gets his attention, giving you a questioning look before you offer it to him, managing to give him a small smile of reassurance despite all the anxiety and fear.

“My psychotherapist wrote it. It's... just a paper that shows the progress I've made from her perspective.” You stand awkwardly as he reads the document, taking in every single word written by the woman who has been helping your for four long years. You can hear your daughter giggling at the TV show, only making the anxiety in your stomach grow more by the second.

To your surprise, Simon steps out of the way to allow you into the home he created, his safe haven. Nothing changed from the last time you were here, other than toys scattered all over the place, likely from Simon being too busy bonding with his daughter to even clean.

You can see the little girl sitting on the couch as you walk closer, her brown eyes fully focused on the screen until she hears something from behind her. She's so much bigger now, looking like a tiny carbon copy of Simon, down to the little skull-patterned pajamas she was wearing.

She turns around after seeing you from the corner of her eye, her little face lighting up into a toothy grin as she jumps from the couch, sprinting towards you as fast as her little legs allow her to.

“Mommy!” You crouch down to her height out of pure instinct, almost being knocked off balance when she crashes into you, her tiny arms wrapping around your neck. The fact that Simon never stopped talking about you to her and kept your pictures warms your heart, being as delicate as possible as you hug her back.

“Y'look so pretty.” She has Simon's accent, making you let out a small laugh before looking down at her, cupping her cheek just to examine her features better.

“Thank you, sweet girl.” You're glad for the way she cuddles up to you again, not bothering to hide the tears falling down your cheeks at the sheer love displayed by the same girl you left four years ago. Your gaze drifts up to Simon, whose eyes are glossier than usual despite the fact that he's not shedding a tear. He gives you a small nod in acknowledgement, not daring to look away from the heartwarming scene in front of him.

“Daddy talks a lot about you.” She whispers into your ear, covering her mouth as if she's telling you the biggest secret ever. You giggle at the little gossiper, your warm hand running up and down the length of her hair.

“He does?” You whisper back, giving Simon a cheeky look at the admission, one of his thin eyebrows raising when he sees your daughter nod her head vigorously, giggling as she looks at Simon.

“Well, I'm sure he talks a lot about you too.” The pure forgiveness that comes from both of them drowns the guilt, if only for a short while.

“You're such a pretty princess.” Your arms wrap around her again, rocking her softly from side to side, allowing yourself to take in their love. It doesn't take long for Simon's resolve to falter, dropping to his knees and wrapping his burly arms around his girls protectively, planting a little kiss on your forehead.

Despite everything, there's no one else he'd rather spend the rest of his life with.

Dad!Ghost Masterlist

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tangledinink · 4 months

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Did leo deal with his pregnancy differently or was it the same as donnie?

Leo's pregnancy was very different from Donnie's! For him, quite frankly, the pregnancy was the easy part.

the really hard part came after.

[ ✩ the gemini ✩ ]

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fxtalitygod · 5 days

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X. ~Survival~

Genre: Historical AU, angst, mature, suggestive, arranged-marriage

Warnings: Dark themes, gore, graphic imagery, theme/depictions of horror, body horror, swearing/language, suggestive, pregnancy, mentions and acts of suicide, arguments, mentions of adult murder, Pet name (Little Flower 6-10x) implied Stockholm Syndrome, grief imagery, images/depictions of dead bodies, child death/murder, character death(s), slight misogynistic themes (if you squint), dubcon/noncon (not any actual smut other than vague mentions of sex), implied postpartum, implied survivors guilt

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: Today is a new day and after I got home from work and did some fine-tuning, I finally posted the FINAL CHAPTER (not including the epilogue) of Survival!!! I honestly find it funny that I had originally planned for this story to be a short series and it just spiraled into two years of writing! HAHAHAHAA!!!

JJK Mlist•Taglist Rules• • Pt.I • Pt. II • Pt. III • Pt. IV • Pt. V • Pt. VI • Pt.VII • Pt. VIII • Pt. IX • Pt. X • Epilogue

Emptiness.

It was a feeling that you bitterly greeted after having abandoned it six years ago. It was disappointing, but welcome nonetheless. You wished it was under different circumstances. You did not know which circumstances but knew it was anything other than this.

After the destruction of your life, everything went back to the beginning. You were rehomed in a new village and a different temple, though you could not tell much of the difference. Those blank walls still drove you to insanity. The marriage ceremonies had resumed and more children began crawling the halls in a matter of months.

Sukuna had seemingly lost interest in you after the incident. You had finally snapped, extinguishing the anticipation for the hopes that you would one day. Despite his seeming lack of interest, you were still watched over with diligence, still resided in his chambers, and still acquired a caretaker.

Your mental forces were deteriorating, and it was clear from the blank expression that graced your face. You assumed that Sukuna acknowledged that and decided to have a sitter stay on top of you if you were to do something unexpected– much like what you had done to your village.

The curse user knew the extent of your rage, but he did not quite expect you to leave your home in ruins, to burn your family into nothing but ash. Little to your knowledge, a part of him admired you for that; however, the words that left your mouth after the act had been done brought him a discomfort that neither himself could explain.

From the way he was rutting in you currently, you could not tell. Another attempt of impregnating you. Years ago, you would have had a mind to beg him to stop, and when you could not accomplish that, feign pleasure. You used to want to please Sukuna not for his benefit but your own. Now all you cared about was embracing the feeling of that emptiness as you merely felt the man fucking you: soundless, motionless, thoughtless.

It took a matter of months before you were with child again; however, unlike before, this pregnancy was worse. In the physical aspect, you were overall healthy, but your mental health was far from good. You were a husk of the woman you once were, having lost all ambition for your future. Even when spontaneous thoughts of what life would be like outside the temple, you could not help but feel nauseous.

Guilt.

There were times you wished you could have blamed it on your pregnancy and escape the reality of the issue, but your mind would not allow it. You were repulsed with yourself and could not help but feel like you were betraying your twins by just the simple notion that you were alive, and to think of a future for yourself without them revolted you beyond compare. Your pregnancy did not make it any better.

Most women in the temple thought of pregnancy as a fresh start after losing their previous offspring; a new chance to impress their husband– a sickening point of view; however, you could not be upset with them. Deep down, you believed they had been just as afraid as you were upon their arrival when their village elders proclaimed them the next tribute to Sukuna. They more than likely had a plan to make it out of this hell and made promises to return to their families, but somewhere down the line, all the manipulation, physical strain, and mental stress, caused them to accept their fates and try to make the best out of it, losing themselves in the process.

You were not so lucky.

If pregnancy was a punishment before, it was a curse now. Knowing you were to have another child brought you great remorse. Anytime you were to look or even feel your bump, you could not help but think of the past... to think of your twins. It felt like you were betraying them, trying to unconsciously replace them even though your pregnancy was out of your control.

The way you would eat at yourself could have been considered torture.

Besides the normal work around the temple, you would spend most of your evenings in a dark and unoccupied room, keeping to yourself. No one dared to disrupt you, mostly out of fear due to the knowledge of your power. Few left you space out of respect, knowing the pain you were going through; however, sometimes you wished they would walk through that door, hoping they would attempt to comfort you.

It would have been a good distraction from your running mind.

Those dark and quiet rooms gave you time to think and reflect. You realized there were many things you had undermined and denied for your own sanity. The list could go on, some minor, some major…and the major miscalculations stuck out like a sore thumb.

Trimester One.

Despite your efforts, your village nor your family would have ever accepted your children– Sukuna's blood coursed through their veins, and that was enough to consider them a monstrosity. Your hopes of escaping with them and living a happy life were an illusion you conjured up to keep a drive in you.

Trimester Two.

Whether you liked it or not, your twins would not stay innocent forever. The twins were under Sukuna's guidance, no thanks to your pact, and they absolutely adored him. The twins blindly trusted him with their entire beings and would have believed anything Sukuna had taught them was for good, and you knew for a fact that is how your partner would have spun it. Their acts would have been malicious and cruel and they would not have even known...and despite your want to tell them the truth, the constraints of your pact would have stopped you from doing so.

Trimester Three.

Even if you had successfully run away with your son and daughter in hand, the life the three of you would have lived would have been far from peaceful. You and the children were proven valuable assets to Sukuna; to think that your husband would give you all up so easily was foolish. The curse-user would have hunted you down to the ends of the world until you were back in his grasp.

And as you sat there holding your new baby girl, tears streaming down your face as you listened to her whimpers, you hoped she'd grow up to be a fool; a strong, but foolish girl. If your daughter grew up to be a fool, the world could not hurt her as it had hurt you. If she becomes a fool, she would not have to feel the burden you were feeling.

You hated that you hoped for her, hated the fact that you loved and cared for her after laying eyes on her small figure. The whole scene was pitiful. The arms of a mother holding her child close to her bosom as if shielding them from the world– the effort could be appreciated but was futile because the looming threat was already hovering over you as he inspected his creation. If his presence was not unsettling enough, his hum of satisfaction horrified you, causing you more tears.

"I should have killed myself that morning. It would have saved me a lot of heartache..." you whispered, repeating the words you had mentioned over a year ago.

Months back into motherhood you found yourself questioning yourself and your emotional availability every time you looked at your daughter. You were doing all the right things, but performing the tasks felt heavy on your shoulders, and the smiles you painted on your face felt like they were caked on. None of it felt real. There was no doubt you cared for your little girl, but you had to admit that the task was tiring– caring was tiring.

You thought the feeling would end, believed it was temporary, but days turned into months, and months turned into a year.

You had just finished your daughter's first inspection and were now in your sleeping chambers with your husband. You both stood there silent and unmoving, staring at each other with hardly any indication of who was willing to speak first. Fortunately, your daughter was the first to break the silence, whining as she clung to you. You sighed as you understood the child needed attention, moving the baby into a better position to lightly bounce her, attempting to calm her down.

"You know, I thought you would be overjoyed to be blessed with another child, Y/n," Sukuna sounded as he studied you.

"Whatever do you mean? I am nothing but pleased," you blankly responded, focusing entirely on the little girl bouncing in your arms.

Silence once again.

You could feel his stare burning into you; feel his agitation radiating off his skin as he looked for a real answer. Sukuna was not an idiot, you were aware of that, but his meaningless probing was getting on your nerves. You would much rather he got to the point than play his mind games. If he was going to be indirect, you would only do the same.

"Do you think of them when you look at her?"

There was a halt in your movements, breath hitching as you did so. You slowly moved your head to look at the man before you, your gaze piercing. You had every intention to avoid the question, but your mouth betrayed your mind.

“What do you think?” You snipped, a grimace forming onto your features.

“I could make you forget, simply remove them from your memory to rid you of this…ailment.”

For what felt like the thousandth time of your life, you could feel your eyes widen, however, this was the most appalling statement your husband had made. Had he really suggested ridding your memories with your twins? Had he no remorse? Of course not, why would he? The children were a means to an end, nothing more than a few pawns in his plan. Any love and affection the father had shown his son and daughter were shown with calculation and precision– there was no meaning behind those affections.

"You sick bastard."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Y/n, I would advise that you watch your tone," a warning glare, "If I did not know any better, I would say that you were speaking out of turn when I am offering you such a gift– I do not offer such things lightly."

"Well it is good that you know better," the seething anger bubbling in your chest was choosing your words at this point, "How could you suggest such a thing?"

"I am doing you a mercy, Y/n, you are letting the past consume you from the inside out, and sooner or later you will become the image of your agony."

"You know nothing because if you did you would be in the same state as I am. You speak as if you know sympathy, but your words are honeyed to keep me in your grasp!"

Your breath was heavy as you confronted Sukuna, glaring daggers into his soul as you watched him step closer.

"Your perception can be quite bothersome at times, Little Flower; however, I believe it is what I admire most about you. I think it is why I chose you...why I love you."

Love.

"Love."

Your laughter was hysterical. The tears welling up in your eyes from pure disbelief and humor. Sukuna Ryomen himself has admitted to loving you for the second time. This time claiming he chose you because he loves you.

What a joke.

"Love me?" you choked between giggles, "Sukuna, you would not know love if it hit you in the face. Like I said before, your words are coated with the sweetest sugars to keep me around, to bring me hope, and quite frankly, the sweetness has become dull and bitter," a pause as you caught your breath, "You do not love me Sukuna. As I have stated, you love what I can provide you."

Silence had greeted you both for what seemed like the millionth time, but you could have been wrong, you lost count at this point.

"I understand the concept of love, more than you think, Little Flower; however, love has little meaning. So you are right, I do not love you, I value you. Is that not greater than love?"

You scoffed.

"You are going to die alone and I am glad that you will."

A soft chuckle sounded from your husband before feeling a strange feeling at the back of your head. You could feel the kanzashi pin moving in your hair as Sukuna played with the accessory.

"I highly doubt that."

Those four words had caused your heart to sink, bringing you more fear than you had ever experienced in your entire life. Without thought, you backed away from the man towering over you. You shook your head as you held eye contact with Sukuna, almost stumbling on your feet as you felt for the door and clumsily exited the room. You had your daughter close to your chest as you entered the hallway.

What little you had of your life came crashing down instantly as the gravity of your reality unfolded to its full extent.

You would never be free and although that was a realization you had made long ago...this time you had no hope to convince you otherwise.

So what did you do?

You ran.

You flew through the corridors to the gardens, arriving with heavy breath. Scanning the grounds you searched for the only individual who could help you right now. The moment your eyes registered the woman, you quickly approached, hardly paying attention to anything along your path as you made your way over.

"Y/n-"

"I have something for you!" you interrupted, holding out a pin you had stored and concealed for years, never knowing the right moment to give it to the woman before you.

The woman who had lost her sick and poor son on your very first inspection day.

You watched as her eyes welled up immediately, taking the pin and inspecting it as if to make sure it was real. When she was able to confirm the little trinket was indeed not a figment of her imagination, she held it close to her chest, letting her silent sobs escape before looking at you.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. But why are you giving this to me?"

You looked around hesitantly before pitifully looking at her, letting your walls crumble to reveal all your pain and suffering.

"I need your help."

"Uraume!"

"Yes, Sukuna-sama," the right hand responded.

"I would like you to gather the women and children from the inspection, I have an announcement."

"Yes, Sukuna-sama, I'll get right on it."

With that Uraume disappeared, leaving Sukuna in his quarters alone. The man paced in his chambers, reflecting on the prior conversation from earlier. The talk did not have the most satisfying ending, but much like the other unfortunate discussions that had been held between the two of you, this would be another problem that would resolve itself in due time.

The move would help move that process faster.

This village had quickly bored the tyrant, as they were quick to promise vengeance and destruction upon his empire. Same-old-same-old. So with that, it was time to move on to the next village after leaving this one behind in ashes.

"Sukuna-sama, the women and children do not appear to be in their chambers or the gardens, the workstations are abandoned too.

"What?"

Without a thought, Sukuna stormed out of the room and into the halls, those blank walls making the temple look more abandoned knowing that everyone had seemingly disappeared. He looked through every room he managed to pass, even using his abilities to sense the faintest amount of cursed energy. For a while, he came up with nothing, but after catching a familiar aura, he briskly started to follow the direction it was coming from.

The curse-user found himself in the main hall, where he saw his wives and children gathered. The husband would be lying if he claimed he was not confused with the situation, but he would not show that. Instead, Sukuna decided to try and decipher the scenario.

Upon first glance, it had seemed that the women and children were gathered for a usual gathering, but upon closer observation, something was off. The looks of the individuals in the room seemed to differ. Some women seemed relieved, others looked almost proud, and others...well, the last of the women looked as if they were being held there against their will.

As the monster-of-a-man continued to scan the room, he finally managed to find you, standing in the center of the room, your head held high; however, you looked exhausted, broken. It brought that familiar discomforting feeling to Sukuna, the same feeling when you had spoken those words after you had burned down your village.

"What is this, Little Flower?" Sukuna questioned with some amusement behind his voice, masking his indifference.

"Do not call me that," you spoke, your voice barely above a whisper as it softly echoed in the room.

"Y/n-sama ple-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" you yelled, successfully silencing the crying woman who had shouted for you.

The atmosphere was tense, and he would tread carefully because Sukuna was no fool.

"What do you want, Little Flower? An apology? I can, obviously, give that to you, but we both know it would not solve much. So what is it you truly want?"

"To leave..." you weakly announced, watching as Sukuna gradually approached before stopping in his footsteps.

"Well then, Little Flower, you have gathered yourself and all your companions just in time, I was ready to announce our departure from this village. You get what you want, righ-"

"That's not what I want." you interrupted.

Sukuna was silent, his brow twitching in irritation as he stared at you, stopping mid-stride.

"Then what do you want?"

"I want the offer you gave me back on the table?" you quickly responded.

"And what offer would you be referring to, Little Flower?"

"On my very first inspection with my twins, you offered me to kill everyone in this room– I want to change my answer."

Your husband chuckled, "Do you not think the circumstances have changed a little, my dear? I gave you that option years ago, what makes you think that is something I am still willing to offer?"

"Because you love me..."

"Now you are willing to embrace that love?"

"Only if you do this one last thing for me. I will let you love me until my last mortal days, and me in return, just as long as everyone in this room dies."

A sly smirk, "As you wish, Little Flow-"

"By my hands!" you interjected.

Delight was an expression that Sukuna could not hold back at those words.

"It's a deal, Y/n."

"Perfect."

With those words sealing the pact, you took no further wait in your next actions. You ignored all the shouts and screams of those who wished to live, ridding yourself of whatever empathy you once had– you had to admit, it made things a lot easier when setting the room ablaze. Hearing their screams of agony and pain was a lot easier when you managed to wash out the humanity within you.

You could only feel relief after hearing all the shrieks and wails die out into nothing but silence. The room was filled with nothing but fire, bone, and ashes, the smell of burning flesh was prominent; however, that did not stop him from approaching you.

"I love you, Little Flower." Sukuna proclaimed, bringing his forehead to yours before softly kissing you.

He pulled away to look into your eyes, admiring them momentarily before smiling softly. Some may have mistaken it for a look of endearment, but it was a look of satisfaction. He had successfully taken your pride, dignity, and hope– he had taken all of you.

"I love you too."

And because you had no pride, dignity, or hope, left to hold on to...

It made it so much easier to bring that poison-coated dagger to your flesh and slit your belly.

For Sukuna everything went in slow motion, immediately swatting the dagger from your hand to the ground before cupping your wound, blood covering his hand in seconds. The desperate individual tried using his reverse curse technique to revert the damage, but it was pointless as you were resisting. For the first time in a long time, Sukuna felt genuine fear as he watched you slowly slip away from reality. And as everything started to play back to speed, Sukuna had a realization.

"Where is our daughter?!" The four-armed monstrosity yelled upon notice of your empty arms, continuing at attempts to stop your bleeding with little success.

Your smile made his heart drop.

"Gone." you sputtered, blood slipping from your cooling lips before going completely limp.

"...Gone where? Little Flower..."

"Little Flower!"

"LITTLE FLOWER, ANSWER ME!"

"Y/N!!!!!!!!"

You upheld your deal...you loved him for your last mortal days, it just so happened that day was seconds into a day, and as Sukuna sat there holding your motionless form, he could not have regretted anything more in his life. Making that deal was the best thing to happen in your life because in the end...

...You won the game of Survival.

And you hoped that your daughter could one day do the same.

Until the epilogue yall... (｀∀´)Ψ

Taglist:

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the-kr8tor · 7 months

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can I request a Hobie and reader after they had a baby and she has like that post depression things women have and he also helps her change her diper thing cause she's still bleeding a bit, I feel like people completely ignore the realistic reality of post birth

Hi, hun! I took some creative liberties with this, hope I wrote it okay ❤️ thank you for requesting!

Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x fem! Reader

Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, TW blood mention, a dash of hurt/comfort, fluff.

It's Fluffy Friday!

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

You linger in the doorway, now all cleaned up, wearing comfortable clothes. Watching as Hobie changes the sheets of your shared bed, you feel guilty that you've bled through his favourite bed sheet, hands wringing together, index scraping at the dry skin near your thumb nail.

"I'm almost done here, lovey." He moves briskly around the bed, fitting the sheets over the soft mattress. "There" Hobie pats himself on the back for doing it quicker than he thought. His smile fades when he sees your frown. Glancing at his newborn daughter sleeping soundly in the crib, he makes his way to you, outstretched arms at the ready.

You step into his waiting arms, head laying instinctively on the crook of his neck. His familiar scent mixed with your baby's calms you a smidge. Hobie rubs comfortingly at your back, kneading at the soft skin of your waist.

"Do I smell like throw up to you?" He asks, trying to make you laugh.

"No, you smell like her" you nuzzle further into his skin, sniffing when a few tears manage to escape. "I'm sorry"

"What for? Don't be, yeah?" Hobie's eyes flicker towards your daughter when she moves in her sleep. "I'm not afraid of a little blood," he says softly.

"But it's your favourite sheet," your voice small, muffled by his skin. He knows it's not just the sheet, everything overwhelms you, Hobie wants to take all of your pain away. It makes him angry, not at you but at the pain you're experiencing even with the most wonderful thing that could happen to you two.

The only thing he can do right now is hold you, bring comfort whenever you need it, and help as much as he can to ease and calm your mind. He embraces you tightly, mindful of his strength, trying to absorb your ache.

He hopes it's enough for you.

You leave a chaste kiss on his jaw, wiping at the tears sticking to his neck. "I haven't asked you if you're okay"

Hobie smiles at you, placing a weighted kiss on your temple, he doesn't care that the angle will definitely leave a crick in his neck right after. "I'm okay, she's perfect, yeah? Let me worry for you two"

Heart soaring, you nod appreciatively, tears prickling in the corner of your eyes. A cry startles you, Hobie's senses warn him for a split second, striding over to the crib. Hand never leaving yours.

You follow him, smile slowly spreading on your lips as your daughter opens her doe eyes to stare at Hobie. She stops crying immediately after he carries her. She's Hobie's alright.

"Hi" you coo, thumb caressing her chubby cheeks.

"You ruined mum and dad's moment, huh?" He bounces her in his arms lightly. You giggle at his comment, glad that he didn't lose his humour.

Head laying on his bicep, you smile at the little bundle, bringing your index to her tiny hand, she closes her small fingers around your finger, heart melting at the touch.

With your little family by your side, you know it's gonna get better soon.

Reblog banner by @/cafekitsune

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hells-greatest-performers · 9 days

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Poor Alastor. He was in denial for so long when he was pregnant. Do you think he’ll have Postpartum depression?

Lucifer: Uh…*looks at Alastor*

Alastor: *buzzing*

Lucifer: It maybe a possibility…

#radioapple #lucifer morningstar #alastor #lucifer #tw; postpartum depression #postpartum depression #hazbin hotel #fanfic #hells greatest performers au

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brightfiction · 2 months

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The Alan Wake series has been around during interesting times in my life.

The first game released the year my husband moved to the US from the UK to be with me. I remember being cute little newlyweds, cuddled up while he played watching Alan run around in the dark woods and laughing at the things Barry said. We used to sing Coconut all the time.

We missed the release of Alan Wake 2 because our daughter was born and were in the trenches of new parenthood, and we didn’t know of its existence until The Game Awards.

The birth of my daughter was a difficult time in my life - I had a life threatening pregnancy and recovery, and I had severe postpartum depression. I picked up Alan Wake to play myself since it was 13 years ago since we played it last and I wanted to be up to speed for AW2.

We played the DLCs, and when Alan was spiraling but hearing Alice in the second one I started crying. Their whole interaction about how he thinks everyone hates him and how he makes up these stories he believes - these are all conversations my husband has had with me, especially during that dark time of my life.

I played Alan Wake 2 fresh out of being treated for PPD and in a better spot in life. I do not want to go into too many details to avoid spoilers, but Saga’s story and her being a mother was SUCH a welcome inclusion to the game. I never expected to see cognitive behavioral therapy being practiced within a game, especially in regard to her thoughts of being a bad mom. I had issues bonding with my daughter and felt like I was a bad mom and a failure, and seeing Saga’s thought process when those feelings take over was just… so validating. It felt like the perfect story to cap off the darkest time of my life, and give me hope and feel seen in a very real way.

This series means so much to me, and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here. 💕

#alan wake 2 #alan wake #saga anderson #my musings #postpartum depression #tw depression #tw postpartum depression

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yapmayavallami · 1 year

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Husband Why Do You Hate Me?

(Bakugou katsuki x reader)

Warnings: fighting, pregnancy, cheating, bakugou is a complete shit, Unhappy marriage, postpartum depression

You and Katsuki weren't married.

You were just two strangers who hurt each other.

You tried to love Katsuki, but he wouldn't let you. There was only one woman in his heart

You never found out about that other woman.

Why did she seek love from him when you were there?

What did she give him that you didn't?

Katsuki came home late every day. Sometimes he even forgot you were home. All he thought about was the other woman and only her.

Every night you thought about how to save your marriage. What should you have done?

All these thoughts were burning your brain. How would you save your marriage?

How would you eliminate the other woman?

But you could never get rid of the other woman. You just watched her take your husband away.

You couldn't do anything else.

Your family Your friends would always ask when you were going to have children. Just put on a fake smile and say you don't have time for children

But suddenly you had an idea.

Maybe if you had a child with him, he'd come back to you.

The idea made sense at first, but then it seemed crazy. But you didn't stop.

You gathered your courage and decided to talk to the katsuki.

He had arrived late again and was drunk.

"Katsuki," you called in your weak voice.

He squinted his eyes and looked at you

"What's up, bitch?" He made fun of you.

You were scared, but it was the only way to save your marriage.

"I want a child with you!" Katsuki was surprised by your confession.

He grinned, "If you want it so badly, bitch, I'll make sure I implant your child in your womb."

You slept with him.

You slept with him because you loved him.

But he...

He was just using you to get over her.

A few weeks later you started to get signs of pregnancy. That was good news. You went to a pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test right away.

When you take the test.

When you take the test in your hand to see the result.

You saw the double line,

You were pregnant

You were so excited to tell Katsuki.That day you called Katsuki before he got home from work and told him to come early. Even though she didn't give a shit about you, you tried not to let it get you down. You made the most delicious food you could. The only thing missing was katsuki.

You waited for him for hours.But he didn't come.

How many times did you call her, how many times did you text her? You didn't remember. Your eyes were only on the door. You could hardly stop yourself from crying.

Suddenly the door opened and it was katsuki "I had some important business to take care of. I was late" he lied

He went to the other woman again

"I waited for you for hours. Is that your only excuse?" you shouted. He looked at you. "Is there a reason why I came here early?" He didn't even say "home". You were so angry, "I'm pregnant!" "What the fuck are you?" This time you calmed down a bit and said "I'm pregnant". "Whose child is it?"

Whose child is it

Was what he said true?

You were going crazy. How could he accuse you of such a thing. You didn't cheat on him.At first you couldn't say anything. You were just silent, but then you started talking. "I didn't cheat on you. I swear to God this child is yours."

He just said, "Okay, fine," as he walked into the bedroom. All your preparations were in vain. He would never love you as much as he loved her.

Months had passed and you held your daughter in your arms.

Megumi bakugou

Your daughter had hair like katsuki, she looked a lot like him.

But Megumi didn't save your marriage. Katsuki even came to her birth. Things had gotten to a point we never thought possible. Why didn't this child save your marriage or did he have a child with the other woman?

What kind of mother were you? You didn't even care about her. Katsuki realized after a while that you didn't care about Megumi.

I was angry with Megumi for not saving your marriage. You didn't want to feed her. you didn't want she.

Just as you were coming out of the bathroom, he grabbed your arm. Megumi was on your lap and she was angry again. "What's wrong?" you said. "What happened? What kind of a mother are you? I've been feeding our daughter supplementary food for two weeks and she's only eight months old. Why did you give birth if you couldn't take care of her"

He was right, but we didn't want to hear him. "Fuck off."

"If you really want me to go, I'll go fine, but I'll never leave Megumi with you."

Katsuki quickly dressed Megumi. You just stood there, your voice shaking, "Where are you going?" Katsuki answered immediately.

"To the woman who should have been Megumi's mother!"

"You can't take my daughter to that woman! I won't let her! She's my daughter, not hers!"

Who asked your permission, bitch? Do you think I'm an idiot? If you weren't a shitty mother, your daughter would be with you right now." As you prepared to walk out the door, you begged her "Katsuki, I will never neglect Megumi again. I'm sorry, please don't take Megumi to that woman."

He didn't even listen to you, he slammed the door hard in your face. The cold wind that blew with the closing of the door hit your skin.

You lost your daughter because of your stupidity.

All because you were jealous of the other woman.

Maybe Katsuki was right, she could take better care of Megumi than you. She could have loved her more than you.

Maybe you were the other woman, you destroyed their happy family.

You were just jealous.

can't find a headconos topic😰

#cheater!bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #cheating #katsuki bakugo mha #postpartum #tw depressing stuff #tw cheating #x reader #regret #bakugou x you #anime #mha fanfiction #headconon #fight #my hero academia #anime aesthetic #Spotify #yapmayavallami

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aestheticallysavi · 7 months

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Breakfyy 🍳

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yawnderu · 1 month

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just curious, do u think you’d write a part 2 to ur postpartum fic?

Do you mean this one? If yes, I think I'm done with it for now! I'd like to imagine that now that she's much better and in the position to finally be able to be with her daughter and take care of her, nothing similar would happen again.

As for her relationship with Simon... well, he doesn't hold grudges, but the anxiety of coming home to find her gone again is always there, and it's likely that it'll be that way for a long time until he can finally come to terms with the fact that she's not going anywhere— that her love for Simon and their daughter never left, she just needed to get better and was afraid of hurting their girl.

Simon never stopped talking about you to your daughter, always telling her stories about your friendship and eventual relationship, never bad-mouthing you despite the bitterness he felt after being told you were gone. He kept those feelings to himself, letting them brew inside because, as long as you were safe and getting help, his love for you is still there, even if you wronged them both. Perhaps his bitterness became less when he stumbled upon articles of mothers with post-partum depression or post-partum psychosis, realizing that at the end of the day, at the very least both you and his little girl were still alive.

I think after a long time —could be months or even years— you all become a regular family, leaving the past behind and focusing on the present. Perhaps Simon might even retire earlier after a close to death experience, simply to spend his prime years with his girls.<3

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amusedyan · 2 years

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Drabble Yandere alucards darling refusing to take care y/n breastfeed their newborn baby because the baby looks exactly like alucard and she just cant stand looking at her/him.

I freakn love your posts.

Trigger warning for postpartum depression and mentions of rape (non-descript)

You weren’t sure what you thought would happen when the baby was born.

Beyond Adrien’s delight and planning and excitement...you had just...waited. Children were something you were sure you’d have one day. But under these circumstances, prisoner of an obsessive dhamphir who raped you and called it love, the idea of a child had been a nightmare.

But the idea had become the fear, the dread.

You’d sit with your hand over your growing belly and close your eyes. It would grow and grow, and you had no say over it- one more thing you were helpless against.

And then you’d gone into labor. Of course Adrien knew what to do, had been preparing for it. You’d felt vulnerable and out of control and in more pain than you could imagine. You’d screamed and screamed and screamed, wanting someone to hear and come and help you.

But they didn’t.

And all you had to show for it was a captor smiling like a fool and little...fleshy thing, with his blonde hair and golden eyes blearily looking at you from his arms.

You had held it and thought is this it?

And then it had opened it’s mouth and cried.

“He’s hungry,” Adrien had laughed, and if what you had felt was nothing before, it was now emptiness.

It was one more fucking thing that just...wanted something from you.

And...and you couldn’t do it. All you could taste was bile, rising in the back of your throat,

And you shoved the wailing thing into Adrien’s arms and threw up in your own laugh, the sound of the infant’s wailing only spurring on your disgust.

#yandere castlevania #yandere alucard #yandere adrien tepes #tw postpartum depression

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starseneyes · 1 year

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Chenford REWIND- Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 3 Ep 09

"Amber" AKA Littering is Worth It

There's a fairly decent chunk of Chenford in this one (which sounds like an ingredient list or some kind of cat food, out of context). So, I'm excited about tackling it with y'all!

SPOILER ALERT: If you love to read something vague with few details that gives nothing away... You're in danger, here. I will be spoiling absolutely everything Chenford related in this episode, plus going back in time. I do try to write these as though I'm watching them for the first time, so there'll be little-to-no future talk.

Alright, everyone ready to dive in? Let's go.

"Is Tim gonna do anything special to memorialize your last shift together?"

Torture her. Throw her off a roof. Slip glass into her boots. I mean, that's the first place my mind went when I thought about Tim planning anything as a ceremonial "rite of passage" for Lucy.

"Not knowingly. You know, when you move on from an important relationship there are steps you should take to ensure a healthy parting."

Awwww. Our babies are in a relationship!

Look, I know they aren't exchanging knowing glances in Roll Call or doing the horizontal mambo while Kojo awkwardly pretends not to watch, yet. But, Lucy sees what they have as a relationship, not just a hierarchy, and I love that about her.

Lucy connects people. Look at Lucy, Nolan, and Jackson. Lucy is the common denominator in this OT3. And much as Tim has tried to fight it, he and Lucy have a very real connection.

No, they're not about to start ripping each other's clothes off. But they are friends. They do care about each other. They've built an incredible trust that they will need if this ever goes further.

"We are going to work through every single one of them." "How, if he doesn't know you're doing it?" "Trickery!"

I see you, Lucy Chen. Trying to manipulate and trick your boyfriend because pranks and kinda one of your love languages, the pair of you. That and competition. (And we'll hafta wait to see what else, but yowza, we can imagine).

Also, I love that she thinks he won't pick up on what she's doing. Now, we'll see later in this episode that Tim doesn't pick up on everything, but he's not a dolt.

However, I love the foreshadowing about Lucy using "trickery" with Tim. It just comes out in a way she didn't expect.

"It's our last shift together. It's crazy, huh?" "Not really." "Come on. We've been riding shoulder-to-shoulder for over a year, now." "Soon there'll be a new Rookie sitting in that seat annoying the crap out of me for 12 hours a day." "So, you're not gonna miss riding with me? At all?"

Lucy is starting the list. Tim's trying to treat it like just another day. Because, come on, he's going to miss her. We know he is. Season 3 is the era of Tim and Lucy being friends.

It's been over a year, now, of the two of them riding together. In this year, they've learned a lot about one another. Partly because Lucy talks a lot, but partly because they really do care about each other.

Tim's being "Tim" about it. Putting up a front, dismissing it, and reminding her that this is a rotating position. Right? Rookies come and go from his Shop. Nothing special about this one.

But we all know there is. Lucy has walked through the fire with Tim in ways that no other Rookie has, and he's bent the rules in ways he never would for any other Rookie.

There's something in them that wants to take care of the other, protect the other, watch out for the other. Even when they're hot-headed and losing their tempers, it's underscored by the fact that they care about each other.

This bond is not yet romantic in nature, but it is strong and it's undeniable. But even they wouldn't know what to call it if asked. It's unspoken, and that helps keep it comfortable enough for Tim to accept.

"It's a job, not Happy Hour." "Denial. Check."

How much do I love that Lucy knows Tim is denying that he will miss her? That means she knows in her heart of hearts that Tim will miss riding with her, just as she will miss riding with him.

They've become constants in one another's lives. Yes, Tim has had a rolling Shop of Rookies for years, now. But Lucy's exceptional in so many ways, and I tend to believe he's never respected a Rookie at the end of a run the way he does Lucy.

She's made of stronger stuff. And yet she's still a ball of sunshine.

Others would have lost themselves entirely in all of that. Yes, Lucy bears the scars in her heart forever. But, she never let it kill the light within her. It was only dimmed for a while.

And on the other side of her rescue, Tim was still Tim. There were times he barked at her, called her out on mistakes, and got under her skin. But every day in this Shop and outside of it has brought them closer together.

"What?" "Hmm?" "Nothing."

Nothing is never nothing, Lucy Chen! I've said this a lot, especially in my Season 5 reviews. But, I've never seen a case on this show where "nothing" actually meant "nothing".

"Do you see yourself as my mentor?" "No. I'm your TO. It's my job to make sure you're not dangerously incompetent when you hit the streets without supervision tomorrow."

This is the perfect job for Tim of this era. He puts in his time on the streets with his Rookie. He clocks out. He goes home.

And after the one time in the Service when he, in Lucy's words, "showed compassion" and someone got hurt, Tim wants to make sure nobody else makes a bad judgment call like that.

In this way, constantly training other Officers allows him to make the streets better, safer, and smarter. It's his way of dealing with his own conscience, almost.

Mentorship implies more of a relationship and less of a hierarchy. Tim and Lucy are on opposite sides of this, and I don't mind. This is part of the journey that makes them so much fun to watch—Tim and Lucy start almost at polar opposite points and find a way to stay true to who they are while gravitating toward one another.

"You know, when I was a Rookie, I couldn't wait to get off probation."

Look at Tim Bradford giving her a tiny insight into himself. Careful, your "friendship" is showing, Timmy, my boy.

But, seriously, I love how casual this little reference is into his emotional state of being on this same day in his career. Often, Lucy has to lead him into talking about the past with questions or comments. Here, he freely offers that morsel of information.

It may not seem like a lot, but back when they first started riding together, he wouldn't have bothered telling her how he felt about anything.

"Oh, I am excited. Believe me. But I also know the importance of acknowledging your loss when going through something like this." "'Acknowledging your loss?'... What is this, some 'Intro to Psych' closure BS?"

The disdain in his voice. Of course, you're gonna fall in love with this girl. It's inevitable. Just wait and see.

Because he doesn't have a lot of love for Psychology, and that was her whole major. In real life, of course, we need some mix of the two of them in our lives to keep us from spiraling out with all the facets of psychology on our own while simultaneously maintaining an open enough mind to accept help when needed.

Lucy and Tim come at things from different angles, but they're both looking for the answers, in their own way. It's best when they work together—which they've learned... for the most part.

"It's not BS. It's a widely used psychological model to help people cope with the end of a relationship." "Relationship?" "Partnership. Mentorship. Whatever you want to call it." "Look, I don't want to call it anything."

What I find supremely funny (and telling) is that much as Lucy tries not to label the romantic relationships in her life, Tim really doesn't want to label his relationship with Lucy at all.

Even the one time she got him to kinda admit they were friends, it was only because he didn't refute it. But Lucy is processing it her way.

Remember, her car was the only place she felt safe after Caleb. Touchstones and constants are as important to her as they are to him—but he doesn't look for them in his work. Lucy looks for them everywhere. That is where they differ.

But, oh, how fascinating how blurry the lines could become with these two. Even in this episode it gets... Complicated.

"It's not like you won't see me tomorrow at the station, you know? What's there to talk about?" "A lot. I have a list." "A list?"

The words have barely left his mouth when he snatches that thing and yeets it out the window where I imagine it fell into the lap of a person sitting on the curb who really needed that list to help them process the loss of their beloved cat.

What? The List could have its own fan-fiction tab on AO3, for all I know!

"You know, littering is a $250 fine." "Worth it."

My husband and I were rolling (He happened to be over my shoulder when I watched this scene).

Tim wants to avoid this so much, he's willing to do whatever—even incur a fine for an offense caught on police cameras. But Lucy knows Tim way too well.

"What are you smiling about?"

Grumpy, you have met your match in Sunshine. Lucy pulls out a backup and opens it, making me wonder if there's a third hidden somewhere... just in case.

Look at how his eyes land on the paper and his face just falls in disbelief. And Lucy is deservedly smug.

"Well, we were at denial, but now we have moved to anger. Progress."

Love them. Like, that was the only thought in my head when I saw that moment.

Not a deep analysis of how Lucy's so in-touch with Tim's state of being that she knew he'd be mad, and also that he can't even enjoy being mad because she's making that part of her bloody list... I just thought, "Love them."

"Let me guess, you think if the parents had properly worked through their separation this whole thing could have been avoided?" "No. Mom needs to get as far away from him as possible. But I do think that having easier access to counseling and mental health resources could prevent situations like this."

As a country, we really don't understand the value of mental health. I have story after story of things that have come up in my own life where I was told to delete comments about my mental health, to not share what was going on with me, and to pretend I never struggled.

As I deleted one line, I remember thinking, "This is why they always say, 'but she was so happy'". We're not allowed to be unhappy. We're not allowed to be hurt. We're not allowed to admit that we're struggling. Because we're supposed to live up to an expectation of unattainable perfection.

Lucy isn't wrong, is all I'm saying.

"Sure, but most guys still wouldn't go."

This is also true. Lucy outlines it below, but I'll say I've witnessed this in my own life. Men in my life whose families told them that therapy was either unnecessary or unhelpful because it was "weak" to see a therapist. Let me tell you, I have seen men's lives change via therapy. But we have to stop the stigma for it to have wider reach.

"Yeah, because we stigmatize mental health, treat it as less important than physical health. It's ridiculous that they teach sex ed in schools, but not how to be in a relationship."

Eh, I had a lot of folks telling me how to be in a relationship growing up that absolutely didn't pan out. I've got stories, folks.

But, I hear her on the fact that mental health isn't taught when sex ed is. And sex ed in school is rubbish, too. At least, it was at my school in the Bible Belt.

"I wish someone taught me how to be in this one."

Timothy Bradford! Did you just admit that you and Lucy are in a relationship?! EEE!

Look, we all know that they're not ready to jump each other's bones, here, but ending their "mentorship" relationship opens up some possibilities. Not all the possibilities... but we are decidedly on our way.

Because, once again, Lucy has cracked the surface of Tim's hardened shell. Even with his closest friends, he can be closed-off sometimes. We see a huge shift in him in S3 that shifts even further into S4 just in his personal relationships.

But S3 Tim still has a lot of walls up. And keeping his life boxed out helps him get through it. If he mixed and muddled the boxes, he might have to actually face some of his trauma. And he's not ready for that.

"Oh, so we are in a relationship?"

Tim's look back is amazing. Like, "are you kidding me right now?"

Look, she gets under his skin (and he gets under hers), but now it's fun. Like, neither of them is going to admit it at this point, but it's fun!

There was a guy in High School that I had a huge crush on. Duncan McFaddyn. Dumbest crush I ever had, but I liked him. And we were so good at arguing. I liked arguing with him. It was fun.

Tim and Lucy like arguing. Not the big, explosive fights they sometimes have. But those moments where they are on opposite sides of an issue, still get along, but want to needle each other. It's a part of their rhythm.

"Look, you need to get your head right in case this goes bad." "I"m squared away." "The fact that you just said that means you're not." "Look, you've been lucky on the job so far-"

Look. At. Her. Reaction. And he realizes immediately what he said. He wasn't thinking about what happened with Caleb, because it was after-hours. But facing Rosalind after? That was on the job, and planty of horrible other things have been, too.

But, let's be real, it's not like any of this has been a cake-walk.

"No. Alright. I'm sorry. That, that came out wrong."

Love this growth for him. Tim is actually apologizing to Lucy, and owning up that he misspoke. Well done, Tim.

"You've been through hell. Stuff that would've broken a lot of veteran cops."

He holds her gaze on that. Because he needs her to know he respects her. He needs her to know that what she's done is mighty. He needs her to know that he holds her to a higher esteem.

Tim of S1 had no idea what Lucy would be up against. It's only been a year, and he's seen her up-close. She's a badass.

"But a dead kid is different. A dead kid changes you forever." "I really hope our last shift together doesn't end with that." "Yeah, me, too."

You can see the pull at Tim's lip into a frown. Because, he's been there. He knows how that feels. And he never wanted to feel it, again, but today there's a very real possibility he will. And Lucy will, too.

Much as she gets under his skin, he doesn't want her to be changed by that. She was changed by her survival of a serial killer. Something he'd never wish on anyone.

He couldn't spare her that, but he wished he could... and he can't spare her however this goes... but he wishes he could. And much as he wouldn't admit it, I think he was starting to get a little scrambled in his head, too, as he thought about that.

Time to cleanse their minds.

"Okay, so what's next on your list?"

He leans into Lucy's latest distraction, much like he did when asking her to share her plans for sabotaging her ex's wedding. Tim told her then that she needed something that made sense, that was tangible, that they could grab onto.

Yes, Tim "grabbed onto" the first version of the list and chucked it out an open window. But, thank goodness Lucy came prepared.

Except this time she knows what he's doing. Look at the way she looks at him before reaching for the list. She knows what he's doing, and she's going with it.

"Okay. 'Surround yourself with people who support, value, and energize you.' Which... may have to wait until later."

I love how sharply he looks to her. Like, "really? I don't fit the bill?!" He's actually surprised by that, and I think it's kinda cute.

Tim isn't exactly a warm-and-fuzzy person. But there's something fascinating in him that connects with the people he cares about so they know without a shadow of a doubt that he does. Lucy knows.

But, yeah, she's not going out partying with Tim tonight after her last day as a Rookie.

"Then, uh, 'Reflect on the lesson learned, both the good and the bad, and express gratitude.'" "Okay. So, what have I taught you that you're grateful for?" "Umm. Hmm. Not to second-guess myself."

Tim nods, like, "Yup. That's the one". Because that's always been Lucy's biggest problem.

He's likely thinking of his original Plain Clothes Day review... and today's. But we'll get to that later.

"Yeah, early on one look from you could send me into a tailspin." "Plain Clothes Day." "Mm."

I swear, I didn't remember that Plain Clothes Day was mentioned almost the next second. But, they both know that was a rough one for her.

And look at his grin. As a TO, Tim's just a touch sadistic. I mean, he did take pride in being the guy who scared Rookies off.

And I get that, for him, it's about weeding out those who don't have what it takes. But, I'm also so thrilled for all of Tim's growth as a character.

"But I've learned to trust my instincts, even if they go against what you would do, which will be crucial for Under Cover work." "You serious about being UC?" "Yeah. Why? Do you think I'm not tough enough?" "No, it's not about being tough. I mean, look, you're as tough as they come."

Heck, yeah, she is! Tim is laying on those compliments today. Wow. And I don't think he's doing it consciously. They both know that this is their last ride, and much as Tim's pretending he doesn't care... we know he does.

On her last day, he's not barking at her about what she doesn't know. He's not issuing Tim Tests. He's not reminding her that he still has a final review to write where he holds her fate in his hands.

He's telling her how amazing she is. Tim doesn't say, "you're amazing. You're fantastic. You're sensational. You're golden."

But when he held her in his arms on the other side of that barrel, he did say, "You're so strong." He says it his way.

Today it's, "You're as tough as they come." Tim is telling her in his way that she is amazing as a cop. And that is huge from Tim.

You have to know how to read between the lines with S3 Tim. Lucy's still learning. Much as she knows, there's still a long way to go. And that's part of what makes this whole relationship so damn compelling to watch. They're always peeling back layers.

"It's just you're... sensitive."

He was searching for that right word, and almost smiles on it. Much as he isn't ready to admit it, it's something he likes about her. He hasn't had a lot of women in his life that weren't tough-as-nails. Someone who has so much sensitivity and sweetness... but can also be tough-as-nails? She's her own class of human.

But Tim's worried she's lacking something she needs for UC. And that's truly where this comes from—concern.

"You are. Look what happened with Tamara. You gave her your car, for crying out loud. And today, today this whole need to relive the last year, talk about our feelings." "I happen to think that caring about people, connecting with them, is what makes me a good cop." "It does."

Yowza, he's complimenting her a lot today! But... this one isn't sweet. it's bitter. Because Tim's looking at it as a weakness much as he thinks it's her strength.

"Just not a good UC. Look, to work Under Cover, you have to be able to lie to someone's face, make them believe you're their best friend, and then stab them in the back. I just don't think you have that killer instinct."

Because he's measuring everything against the folks he knows. Nyla. Angela. Isabel.

All the people who went UC that he's known weren't as compassionate and "sensitive". So, he's not convinced that Lucy can do it and he's trying, again, not to set her up for a bad experience.

"I'm sorry, but it's better you hear it now."

He thinks he's looking out for her. He truly thinks he's doing what's best for her.

Remember how I talked about perspective in another Meta? Tim's made the excuse that because he has been shoulder-to-shoulder with Lucy for a year, and that he has seen multiple UCs in action (and married one), that he knows what's best. Big mistake. He is trying to help her see her blind spot (which is really his).

But, instead, he threw down the gauntlet. And Lucy Chen is ready for it.

"And I appreciate your honesty. You always tell me the truth, no matter how painful it's gonna be. And you deserve the same from me."

He was nodding up until that last part. And, I'm going to be honest, I've only ever watched this scene once before. So, rewatching this and analyzing it is an act of love for all y'all.

Look, I don't like to watch horror movies, right? But I once wrote a Pilot that started with a woman being literally split in half, and I wrote a detailed description of blood, entrails, etc. Same with awkward/uncomfortable scenes. I can write them. I can read them. But watching them, I feel everything in the scene.

I don't know if it's my former life as an actress, my overall sensitivity as a human, or how amazingly these actors perform it, but I don't like watching the discomfort of this scene. I know all y'all love it. Because, it's bloody delicious. She turns it all around on him, and this scene is needed for so many reasons (which I'll get into later).

But I hope you know I love y'all to be watching this, again. It's paused and my blood pressure's already up.

Also, can we talk about how clueless Tim is right now? Lucy just said that the number one lesson she appreciates is how she's learned not to second guess herself, even if it goes against what Tim would do. That should have been his first clue that something was up.

But his pride got in the way. And Lucy knew it would.

"I've been struggling with being honest with you all day. I've been hiding behind this stupid closure checklist trying to get up the courage to tell you something." "Okay? What?"

Now he's starting to get worried. What's wrong with Lucy?

And Lucy. Takes. Her. Time. She lets the anticipation build before letting loose with it.

"I have feelings for you."

Tim is side-eyeing so hard I think his eyes are gonna roll out of his head. He can not believe what he's hearing.

He looks around as though somewhere in front of him there's confirmation that there's a full moon, or a magic potion, or any other reason Lucy would say something like that.

And it's right there, but he doesn't see it.

Hmmmm. Why doesn't he see it?

Look, I'm not saying he wants to undress her right there, or anything, but Tim does have a special spot for Lucy. Though, he wouldn't name it. I don't think he'd know how.

It's not romantic, yet. But it's important. Lucy means more to him that he ever expected, but there's no name for what he feels for her. It's a special kind of soulmate bond that sneaks up on both of them. The deep connection forms first. The romance comes later.

"Uh, like, f-"

He's still trying to figure out if she means what he thinks she means. Surely, this is one of those situations where she means something else, right?

"Look, we've been through a lot this year. I mean... you saved my life."

Now Tim is uncomfortable. He looks like he's considering jumping out of the Shop and gauging just how many civilians would be injured it if meant he could transport out of this conversation.

Look, he and Lucy are nowhere near ready to date. They're friends, and even that's something he refuses to acknowledge (but didn't dispute the last time she said it).

And this is mad uncomfortable.

Okay. Story time. April 9, 2003, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. April 16, 2003, I met a really sweet guy but never mentioned said boyfriend because I knew I was breaking up with him.

April 23, 2003, Sweet Guy asks me out...and it was so. damn. awkward. Because I had to tell this guy about a boyfriend and pretend I am still interested in him since I'd yet to have time to break up with the guy.

Tim was a little nicer than I was. My first response to the Sweet Guy was, "Excuse me?"

And, yes, that's the man I would later marry. We have the strangest love story.

"And I didn't want to say anything before because I didn't want to put you in a weird position. But now, I mean, I think, I think the reason why you're so protective of me and, and why you don't want me to be an undercover cop is because...because you have feelings for me, too."

He. Can't. Look. At. Her. And I am squirming in my seat in the Parent Pickup Line, thank you very much. Oh, Tim wants to escape this Shop so badly.

"Lucy, I-" "No, listen. I-I know it's complicated. You're my TO."

Now the boy is reeling. And we'll see him reel again like this in 4x22, for those of you looking to the future, but for different reasons. His hand pops off the wheel because right now reality doesn't even make sense. And that's Eric Winter, again, acting through his finger tips.

Now, I'm not saying he feels nothing towards her. We already established there's an unnamed bond there. But this "feelings" talk is outta left field and he believes her.

And leave it to Melissa O'Neil to take us on this wild ride with Lucy. See, I saw this at the top of Season 5, because that's when I got into the show. But I can imagine how folks watching this live must've wondered if there was a smidgen of truth in the performance.

But if you're watching, you can feel the intent in every choice. It's really beautifully done.

"You're responsible for me."

I just checked and I have roughly 50 seconds left of this torture. It has taken me 20 minutes at two different locations just to transcribe this because it's that painful for me.

It's a weird tick I have! Writing awkward? Sure. Acting it? Heck, yeah. I play awkward characters really well because I'm not pretty enough to be a leading lady.

But watching it always squicks me out. I feel every ounce of the energy pouring off of Tim in this scene. I want to reach through the screen and hug him.

I'm that girl in the theater who the crying actor always locks eyes on because I'm sobbing my eyes out with them. I feel what they feel. And they feed off of that.

It's happened when I've gone to professional and community theater alike. I react and the actors latch onto it, fueling their performance. It's a very odd responsibility.

Watching awkward scenes is akin to watching people lick and eat blood on television, for me. It makes me sick to my stomach, but I literally know the proper way to mix blood for television (gotta have some blue in there), and have done so for student projects where I brutally murdered people back in college (to be clear... murdered fictional characters, not real people).

My mother used to practice her prosthetics on me, and I'd be covered with bullet holes, busted lips, bruises, and goose eggs. But I don't like watching it any more than I do awkward scenes.

So the more Tim squirms, the more I'm squirming with him.

"I know that you would never cross that line, but, starting tomorrow, I guess you're not. And I-"

He holds up his hand and it switches to a point to try to stop her because words have failed him. Tim's not much of a words guy as it is, but he's truly lost the ability to form coherent thoughts, let along coherent sentences.

Lucy watches that finger with interest. She knows she's gotten under his skin in some way.

"First of all, I, I, just, like, thank you."

Thank you!? Son, if she really did love you, that's about the most insulting thing you can say. But he also doesn't want to hurt her. He might not have "feelings" for her, but he does care about her. We know he does.

And right now, he believes her.

"Um, you're. Look, Lucy, I'm flattered. I am. You're a great girl."

A girl? What is she, a puppy? Tim, you are great at a lot of things. This is not one of them. You are very bad at this.

"Woman. Woman. And I... Um... Crap."

She's starting to lose it. It's been doable up until this point, but he is fumbling so bad. The laugh is building up in Lucy and she can't even look at him, so she turns toward the window... and the camera.

And, look, Tim must be terrifying for whoever reviews the footage to not leak this around the station for laughs. Because, this is comedy gold.

"Listen." *laughs* "Are you kidding me?!"

Can we take a second to appreciate whoever wrote the Closed Captions for this one, because the ?! are absolutely there, and it's perfect. Tim is horrified, upset, annoyed, impressed, and relieved all at once.

"I'm sorry." "Are you kidding me?" "Wait, I'm sorry." "Oh, you're sorry."

The anxiety she just put that man through!! Trying to figure out how to acknowledge there's a bond between them, but that it's not romantic, and that him not being her TO wouldn't be enough for him to cross it... but he doesn't want to hurt her... and trying to find that balance in words as a man who doesn't use his words...

Yeah, he just had two minutes of pure hell.

"Wait, just wait, lie to your face, check. Make you think I've fallen for you, double check."

Oh, how he tries to shrug that one off. Because, look, much as he isn't ready for her to be in love with him (or him with her), he believed it. And for two minutes he had to hurriedly process it.

"Oh, and stab you in the back when you think we're best friends, triple check. Look me in the face." "Nope." "And tell me you don't think I have the killer instinct to do undercover work. Look me in my face."

That little smirk. It's not a smile. It's the kind of look you give the kid in the back who really gets on your nerves when you want them to know you heard them, and you're pissed.

Shit Got Weird

Tim and Lucy ride in silence... which is rare for Lucy. She looks at him, then away. He feels her gaze and looks back, then away. But he re-situates his right hand on the wheel. He's still reeling from that little stunt she pulled.

And it's a weird mixture of pride, being impressed, and being a little hurt she didn't really fall in love with him.

Because even though they aren't ready to go there, and aren't even thinking it, yet, he got to feel what it was like for a few seconds to think she was interested in him. And it's gonna take a bit to get that feeling to disappear from his memory. She kinda made the whole thing extra memorable.

"It's weird, now, isn't it?" "Nope." "I was just making a point." "And you're undermining it by feeling guilty."

Touché, Timmy. The killer instinct doesn't feel guilty. It does what it needs to do.

"Did you study post-partum depression in your Psych major?" "Yeah. PPD is fairly common. Affects 1 in 8 new moms."

I was that 1 in 8. After my twins, I suffered from really bad PPD for about six months. I loved my twins, and while I felt attached to them, I felt detached from the world and my ability to be what they needed.

I hit the bottom really hard, and every morning drive alone was perilous to my health. If you are struggling, please reach out for help.

Nobody realized what was going on with me until I pulled myself out. And I hate that I was dismissed every time I tried to point out something was wrong. I had the happy ending getting through on my own. Too many people post-partum don't. We need to change that.

But, the part of this that I love for Tim and Lucy is Tim spent the top half of this poking at her psychology major, but now it's coming in handy. Because there is a place for different approaches, and Tim needs to remember that sometimes.

"We did it." "No, you did it."

Remember when Tim used to say that Lucy's accomplishments were his accomplishments? Back when she became the Mid-Wilshire champ at the range? He's done with that. Tim Bradford is acknowledging Lucy and her accomplishments. And that's growth.

It also reminds me of when he and Lucy talked about how he saved her from the barrel. He tells her that she saved herself. Someday I hope these two realize that in the most beautiful ways, they save each other.

"What's this?" "It's a copy of your final evaluation. I wrote it before our shift today." "Like Plain Clothes Day." "Only this time I didn't have to rewrite it."

All the feels on that one. The evaluation on Plain Clothes Day was a gut-punch before he re-wrote it.

"Officer Chen impressed me with every decision she made today. I will miss riding with her."

He listens to her reading his words... drinking in her response. It's not love, no. But pride. Look at the twinkle in his eyes. He's proud of her.

And Lucy was right. At the top of shift, she asked if he was going to miss her. She already knew it. But to know he had that pre-written is confirmation of what she already knew—they care about each other. They're friends. They'll miss being around each other every day.

Tim holds out his hand to her, and you can see Lucy's surprise, but elation at it. He's meeting her as an equal, finalizing the completion of their time together as TO/Boot, and accepting her as a full-blown Officer, no longer on probation.

He's the first to welcome her to the other side. And there's something really poetic about that.

"You don't let anyone ever tell you you can't do something. Not even me."

He's holding her hand the whole time, this bridge of connection between them. Because Lucy Chen showed him something new today. Just when he thought he had her all figured out, she showed him that someone can be kind and killer. Compassionate and cut-throat.

Tim's always had absolutes in his life. There wasn't much room for grey, and he struggles with that, sometimes.

When we first met him, he had wrapped himself in cynicism and bravado to protect the pieces of his broken heart. Over the years, partly with the help of Lucy, he's learned how to find the humanity inside, again.

Hope isn't weakness. It's human. And he has started to learn to hope, again. Much as he's been teaching her, she's been teaching him.

And today she taught him you don't have to be one thing or fit in a box to be great at something. You can be many things, even if they sometimes seem contradictory.

Potential shouldn't be limited by check boxes. Tim has seen Lucy's strength. He's seen her sensitivity. Now, he's seen her sniper-like reflexes. She's many amazing things, and he's excited to see what she does, now, on her own.

"Yes sir."

Her hand drops from his, and he shoves his back in his pockets, a familiar place. But there's a smile playing on his lips.

"Step five—acceptance. Our checklist is complete."

Now he's really smiling. No teeth, no, but a real smile that reaches his eyes. Lucy's drawing it out of him more and more as time goes on.

"Um, I have a gift for you."

That surprises Tim. (It's been a day full of surprises, right?)

"It's a thank you for every lesson I had to learn." "Uh, should I open it, now?" "Absolutely. Mmhmm." "Okay."

And she takes. a. step. back. First time watching this, I thought, "Oh, what now!?"

I was not disappointed.

"I'll be dumb before I'm wise," says the music as Tim. Opens. His... POOF!

"It's been a blast, sir." "I'll see you tomorrow, Lucy." "See you tomorrow, Tim."

Ceremonial retiring of "Boot" for Lucy, achieved... in a puff of powder and giggles.

Y'all, this was a tough one for me to get through. And it's something I've apparently passed onto my kids, because none of us like watching uncomfortable/awkward moments. But the significance of this episode warranted my discomfort.

This is more than Lucy crossing that first finish line of her carer. This is more than Tim and Lucy's last ride. This is the moment that Tim Bradford truly realized what kind of person and cop Lucy is—the kind that he'll never fully peg. (Well....)

I mean, Lucy is full of surprises. And that'll be marvelous and frustrating for them going forward.

But this is the episode where he sees her completely as her own officer, where he admits that he'll miss her, which is indirectly admitting that he feels their bond, too. And this is the episode where he realizes he can't say a damn thing about her doing UC.

He's never been thrilled about Lucy doing UC, and after Isabel, we can understand why. But it was more than that, all this time. He was worried about protecting Lucy from finding out she wasn't good enough. Only for him to realize he had no business telling her what she could and couldn't do.

Tim does take his duty as her "fierce protector" seriously, even before DOD. And that's just a part of their rhythm, of who they are, and it can morph into something really beautiful should these two get their act together down the line.

For now, Season 3 Tim and Lucy are on the most level footing of their relationship, thus far, and it's all thanks to the transitions that this episode provided.

As always, thank you for reading. My Littlest was home sick all day and I worked late all night last night to stay on top of things. So, I had some free time tonight after bedtime to myself. Back's still mending, but much better, too.

Onward to what's next. Stay frosty out there.

#tw suicide #tw postpartum #Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #Lucy x Tim #Tim x Lucy #The Rookie #Meta

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