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musings-of-a-rose · 11 days

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I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) - Chapter 1

Pairing: Benny Miller x f!reader nicknamed "Juni"

Word Count: 3600+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: I've had this idea in my head for well over a year and with the Fallout show being dropped (and absolutely AMAZING), I figured now was the time to post it! So this is a Triple Frontier/Fallout crossover au. Huge shoutout to @mermaidxatxheart for listening to probably hours of audio at this point of me talking myself through this fic. And to @deathbecomesnerds for listening to me prattle on about video game fics and giving me her own advice.

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**Reader is not described

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I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) Masterlist

May, 2067

"We're so proud of you, honey!" My mom hugs me tight, my cap nearly sliding off my head with the force of it.

"We knew you'd get top marks!" My dad claps me on the back and pulls me in for another tight hug, my cap fully falling from my head this time.

"Thanks, Dad." My mom hands me back my graduation cap and I put it back on my head, attempting to get it to stay put as I look out over the crowd of people.

"There's my favorite graduate."

I spin, nearly falling over in my heels but Benny catches me, chuckling as I right myself. His smile is wide and bright, but there's something else. I can't quite place it.

"What a coincidence. My favorite graduate is here too," I bop him on the nose and he chuckles again. He moves to kiss me but then his eyes shift over my shoulder and he backs up, clearing his throat, no doubt having made eye contact with my dad.

"Ben, will you be joining us for dinner?" My mom asks.

"Uh, sure. Save me a seat."

My mom squeezes my shoulder. "We'll see you at dinner, honey."

I give them each a hug before they leave, turning back to Benny. He immediately pulls me to him, kissing me deeply before pulling back.

"Can I take you somewhere?"

"I'll go anywhere with you, Benny."

He takes my hand, so small in his large one, and leads me through the crowd to his old truck. He opens the door for me and helps me in before hopping in the driver's seat. I scoot next to him and lay my head on his shoulder, Benny laying his arm across the back of the seat. We drive for a bit before turning into our neighborhood and pulling into the empty park. We get out and he takes my hand, pulling me towards a juniper tree that was in a field next to the playground. He pulls me to him and kisses me again, my cap long since forgotten in the cab of his truck.

"Why are we here, Benny?"

"Don't you remember this tree, Juni?"

I smile up at him as I glance at the tree. "How could I forget? We met under this tree shortly after I moved here. It's why you call me Juni. Like juniper." I gesture at the tree.

He smiles at the memory. "We were what...5?"

"Yeah. Such a long time ago. Now look at us. 18 and heading to college."

There's an awkward silence and I look up at him. "Benny?"

He rubs the back of his neck, not quite looking at me. "About college."

I step back from him. "You're not going through with the sign up, are you??"

He holds his hands out, trying to placate me. "Look. Will is already there. He flew through basic and they're putting him in a special force if he keeps it up-"

"There's a war, Benny-"

"Exactly. And I know we aren't there yet, but we both know there will be a draft eventually-"

"You don't know that!"

"And if I sign up voluntarily, I get some say in where I go. I'm a way better shot than Will so I think I can make it into his-"

"No. No! I can't...I don't....I'll go with you!" I'm fighting back tears, my voice catching in my throat.

Benny shakes his head. "No, sweetheart. You need to go to college. You're too smart. Get that masters in..what was it...bio-nuclear agriculture practices? Sciences?"

I shake my head. "I don't care. I want to be with you! Unless...do you not-"

Benny's face becomes serious. He cups my face and forces me to look at him, his eyes so bright but worried. "Don't think that I don't want you. I do. I want you forever and always. But I have to do this. I have to get ahead of it. This way, I can watch Will's back too."

My tears break free, sliding down my cheeks. "I'm scared, Benny. I can't lose you."

"You won't lose me."

"You'll find some other girl and...and..." Benny cuts me off with a kiss, my tears rubbing off onto his face. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a simple, plain gold band. Not too thick.

"Benny?"

"Look, I'm not forcing anything on you. I can't do that to you, especially signing up for the army. But I did make this promise ring. And, in a few years when you're all graduated, if you still want to, I'll add a rock to it and we'll get married."

I hold the small band in my palm, touching it with my fingers before looking back up at him.

"This was not the best proposal," he chuckles and I do too, despite everything.

"It wasn't a proposal. It's a promise. How about you promise to come home to me in one piece?"

"I can promise to try my best."

I nod. "I'll take it."

Benny slides the band onto my finger and pulls out a thicker band from his pocket and hands it to me. I slide it onto his finger, winding his hand in mine and for a moment, we both just stare at our hands, feeling the weight of our futures.

"When you get your own power armor, make sure to send me a photo!"

Benny smiles. "Fuck yeah I will!"

10 years later...

Benny and I had stayed faithful to each other over the last 10 years. My friends never understood why I didn't want to go out partying, dating around. "He said he didn't hold you to anything!" They'd complain. But I would just shake my head. Benny holds all of me, always has, since the day we met under that juniper tree. He took one look at my scared face, alone in this new neighborhood, and took my hand, told me everything would be ok and that we were friends now.

He'd have to be the one to leave because I never would.

We met up over the years, sometimes being lucky his off time would line up with mine. We'd make the most of our time together, Benny preferring to spend as much time as possible between my thighs and I wasn't going to complain about that. But every time we talked about adding a rock to the band, his face would get worried. He said things were heating up with the war and he didn't want me tied down if something happened to him. I told him ring or no, I was already tethered to him.

Then, about 3 years ago, he told me he was saving up for that rock. That it would take him some time. I didn't care how long as we were already married in my mind. Our times together became less and less as the Sino-American War waged on, both sides at a stalemate.

Then finally, in May of 2078, a few weeks after I graduated from Vault-Tec University with my Masters in Bio-fusion Agriculture, Benny knocked on my front door, already on one knee when I answered it holding up a beautiful diamond ring in exactly my style. Once he slid the ring on my finger, I pulled him inside, not making it past the front entrance way before we were tearing each other's clothes off, Benny burying himself inside of me as I try to not slide across the floor.

We were married that same night.

He had to leave a few days later, but we made good use of our time together.

2077

Around late August, Vault-Tec moved my research lab from the city proper to a smaller research lab just outside the city. It worked out fairly well as it was stationed near the vault that was basically up the hill from my parent's suburban home. The one I grew up in. I liked being out of the city. There were less soldiers here, people were stressed still but it wasn't as violent.

The beginning of October rolled in, bringing cooler weather and the start of my favorite season. Morale, as a country, was low, so people took to decorating for Halloween early, the decorations helping people to smile a little more. But nothing put a smile on my face like Benny showing back up, his entire unit, including his brother Will and their other "brothers" Frankie, Santi, and Tom, all returning to their homes.

We spent a couple weeks together before the phone rang in the middle of the night. Benny yawns, picking it up with a grunt, his back immediately straightening out at whomever was on the other end. All I heard was "Yes, Sir," before he hung up.

"You're leaving?" I ask, grazing my fingers across his bare back.

"Yeah," he turns, pulling down the comforter to reveal my bare chest, his finger tracing lines around my breasts, my nipples hardening at the touch. "But not for long. They just want us to escort a higher up when they visit Boston."

"Sounds serious."

He nods, his hand sliding lower, under the covers and pressing between my thighs. "It is. Very serious."

"So..d-do you have t-to leave?" It was hard to focus, the pressure between my legs building the longer he caresses me.

He leans in close, kisses me softly. "Not before I make love to my wife."

He leaves about an hour later, my inner thighs sticky with him, my heart racing not with bliss but with worry that he won't return.

October 23rd, 2077

I wake to birds singing outside my bedroom window, ringing in a beautiful Saturday morning. I roll out of bed, get ready for the day before heading over to my parent's house to stop in for a surprise breakfast. However, my parents were gone, headed into Boston for an appointment, according to our Mr. Handy robot, Hawthorne. In the meantime, the robot had made me breakfast, which I sat and ate, looking at the newspaper but not really taking it in.

I get bored of the paper and set it aside, flipping on the tv, hoping to catch something interesting. I really miss Benny. His absence this week has been weighing heavily on me.

"...followed by flashes, blinding flashes, sounds of explosions. We're trying to get confirmation but we seem to have lost contact with our affiliate stations. We do have coming in, that's uh...confirmed reports, I repeat, confirmed reports of nuclear detinations in New York and Pennslyvania. My God-"

The TV cuts out and I sit there, momentarily stunned at what the news anchor just reported. Nucelar explosions? That can't be right. But then the siren rings, it's high pitched wail sending goosebumps across my skin.

"Ma'am, I think you need to head to the Vault," Hawthorne advises.

I shake my head to snap out of it, quickly running for the door. When I get outside, soldiers are already in the streets, the vertibirds flying towards Boston.

"...If you are registered, head to Vault 111 immediately!" A soldier yells through a megaphone as my neighbors run screaming in the street, some towards the path that will take them to the vault. Others stay in their driveways, cowering in fear.

Someone pushes past me and I fall, scraping my palms on the pavement. I scramble up, just making it to my feet before someone else collides into me, yelling at me to move my ass. I take one last look around and run to the vault, my bare feet thudding across the dirt path.

I pass neighbors with trunks of clothes scattered everywhere, the husband pleading with the wife to leave everything and just run. My heart is nearly beating through my chest as I make my way up the hill, a small crowd gathered in front of the gate to Vault 111. An angry crowd, yelling over the loud wail of the siren and the whoosh of the vertibird propellers.

"If you're not on the list, you're not getting in!" An official looking man yells at a couple who is standing in front of him, the man shifting his weight to his back foot.

"I'm getting in there!" He starts to move forward, but then the high pitched whine of a mini gun starts up, the soldier in power armor, standing at least a foot over the man, pointing it at him.

"Ok, ok, fine!" The man puts his hands in the air and stands aside, his wife following.

The crowd starts to push together, but I force my way through them, yelling to the soldier.

"I'm on the list!"

"Back away! Back away!" The power armored soldier aims again and the people back away, but only a couple of feet. The uniformed soldier looks down at me, clip board in hand.

"Name?"

"Miller." I give him my first name as well as Benny's and his rank.

"Ben Miller's wife? Head on in. Quick!" He waves me through, but I pause for a moment.

"Do you know where he is?"

"No ma'am. Now please, head inside!"

I look out at the crowd of people, now trying to shove each other to get inside, the gate starting to groan with their press. But the one face I want to see, Benny's, is nowhere to be seen.

I'm sure he's ok. I mean, he's a soldier, in an elite group. He's just guarding some fancy higher up in Boston. I'm sure this is just a precaution. I turn my back on my neighbors and run, as fast as I can, to the platform. Another soldier waves me over and points to the platform, where I stand between some neighbors with a baby and the Hendersons, the people who live across the street from my parents.

My parents. They're on the vault list too. Maybe they got into one nearer to Boston? Is that even how this works?

"Almost there!" One of the other people shouts as we wait to be lowered into the vault. I look out over the tree tops from our place on the hill, the Boston skyline gleaming in the distance, my heart hurting that Benny isn't here with me. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'm still terrified.

BOOM!

The ground shakes violently. My eyes reflect the mushroom cloud that explodes over Boston, it's dome slowly floating up into the sky as its sounds reverberate through my body. I can't help the scream erupting in my throat as a violent wind comes whooshing at us a moment later, the city already in flames. The ground below me moves, lowering us into the vault. We all duck just in time, the wind and fire flowing over the space we took up moments before, the whole cement tube rumbling and shuddering with the force of the detonation. For what seems like an eternity, we're in pitch black darkness, the creaking of the pullies lowering us and the sounds of our own whimpers and whispers, the baby crying our only sounds to accompany us down into the vault.

Then light appears as we settle into place, our platform locking in. The gate in front of us opens and a man in a lab coat beckons us forward from the end of the ramp.

"Welcome to Vault 111! Step this way for registration."

"What happened to all of those people up there?" Someone asked.

"Please, let's just get you registered, and through decontamination, and then we can address all your concerns!" Labcoat offers as he gestures towards a woman in a bright blue jumpsuit, yellow stripes down the middle and around the hips like a belt, giant yellow numbers on the back that say 111.

"They're all dead, you idiot. That was a nuclear bomb!" Someone else replied.

"No it wasn't. I bet that was just a trial. This is all practice." He argues back.

"That heat didn't feel fake," someone else pipes up.

Gone. They're all gone. Benny...No. No, I'm sure he's safe, made it to his own vault. All those fancy rich people had vaults. I'm sure he made it in time and I can contact him once I get checked in. I'm sure the vaults all have a way to communicate with each other. Right?

I take a shaky step forward, wiping the tears from my cheeks, willing them to stop for at least check in. I head to the lady Labcoat indicated and she smiles warmly at me. I give her my name and she runs a finger down her list, tapping on what I presume is my name.

"There you are. Mrs. Miller, female. Is your husband-" she glances back down at the list. "-Benjamin, here?" She looks back up at me, a soft, friendly smile on her face, which falters as she looks at me.

"I...he...he was on a m-mission wi-with..."I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "My husband is Lieutenant Benjamin Miller. He's in Delta Force. He and his squad were guarding some higher up when....do...do you have any...I mean, do you know..." I can barely choke out words, my mind on Benny but also his brothers.

The woman smiles at me. "I understand. I don't have any information here, unfortunately. All they gave me was this clipboard and some boxes of jumpsuits. But I'm sure once you get through decontamination, they can find out for you. Ok?"

I nod, sniffling, feeling the sob trying to burst out of me. The woman looks me up and down, reaching into one of the boxes around her before handing me a folded up jumpsuit that I'm assuming will look just like hers. "There's a bathroom down that hall on the right. Go ahead and get changed, then head down this hall to the next man in a labcoat. Ok?" I take the uniform from her, attempt a small smile, but my face doesn't move. She gives my hand a little squeeze before I make my way to the bathroom.

I quickly change, zipping up the blue jumpsuit. That woman sure is a good judge of size. This thing fits me like a glove. I gather up my clothes and head down the hall she indicated, taking one last look at the giant vault door, huge and solid, before heading towards the next Labcoat, who was beckoning me to him.

"Hi, Miss-"

"Mrs. I'm Mrs. Miller."

He smiles, but it's...unsettling. Something about his eyes worries me but I can't quite put my finger on it.

"You can leave those here," He nods towards the wad of clothes in my arms and points to a large bin off to the side. "We require jumpsuits from all vault dwellers."

I quickly toss my clothes in the bin, just trying to get through this quickly so I can get more information on Benny. My hands are shaking and I'm holding back vomit, willing my brain to not replay what's happened in the last 15 minutes.

He smiles again. "Thank you, Mrs. Miller. If you'll follow me." He turns and heads down another hall, turning to enter the 2nd doorway. Inside the room is rather large and cold, and I shiver, holding my arms around myself as the Labcoat walks further in. There are what looks like pods, about 6 on each side, facing each other. They have a myriad of tubes and pipes coming from them, a little control panel standing next to each pod. The doors appear to open up as opposed to a normal door. We stop in front of one of them, the door standing open for me, and Labcoat gestures to it.

"If you'll just hop in, ma'am."

"What is it?" I look inside and see some cushions, sort of like a chair if your were standing. I glance around and notice more people coming in, all of them standing in front or getting into a pod, donning the bright blue jumpsuits.

"It's a decontamination chamber. We have to make sure everyone is clean and free of radiation and other unpleasentries before we allow you into the vault. For vault health and security, of course."

I nod. "Makes sense. I do have a question."

He looks irritated but then that smile is back. "Yes, ma'am?"

"When I get through here, I'll be able to talk to someone about my husband? He's a lieutenant in Delta Force and I think he may be in another vault."

"Absolutely. Our communications specialists can help you with that."

A sigh of relief escapes me. "So you can communicate with other vaults?"

"Oh yes. Sort of like a telegram. If he's in a vault, we'll find him ma'am. Now if you'll just step into the pod, we can get you through decontamination and one step closer to finding your husband."

My eyes glance around the room, seeing everyone else hopping into their own pods. I'm so nervous, that vomit starting to make it's way back up my throat. And I fucking need Benny. He can't be dead. The possibility that I'd have to face a future without him is nearly unbearable. I turn back to my pod and get inside, nestling myself down into the cushions. Labcoat taps a button on the panel and my door starts to close at the same time as the others. My breathing picks up, air visibly puffing out and I swear it's colder in here than it was in the room.

"Now just relax and you'll be clean in no time!" Labcoat smiles at me.

I take a deep breath, my thoughts only of Benny as my world goes black, my mind slipping into unconsciousness. The last thing I feel is my skin freezing, my body going hard, preventing any sort of movement.

I'm coming, Benny.

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#benny miller #fallout #ben miller #benny miller x reader #benny miller x you #benny miller x f!reader #triple frontier #garrett hedlund #benjamin miller #benjamin benny miller #garrett hedlund x reader #garrett hedlund x you #garrett hedlund characters #garrett hedlund character fanfic #garrett hedlund character ff #garrett hedlund character fanfiction #fallout fanfiction #crossover au

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risingsondiamond · 7 months

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Sunshine in the Mirror - A Breakdown

This will be a very long write-up of my thoughts on the Genjitsu no Yohane Sunshine in the Mirror anime. I will be starting with an episode-by-episode look at the story and then delving into some talking points about the show. NOTE: There will be significant spoilers, so please don't read this unless you've finished watching the anime or have no desire to continue watching. Also, I apologize for the length of this post and if I sound too aggressive or defensive.

Coming-of-Age Story

From the very beginning, Sunshine in the Mirror sets itself up to tell a coming-of-age story, specifically the story of Yohane overcoming her social anxiety and finding her place in the world. The first sign of this is the failed singing audition in Tokai and subsequent phone call in episode 1, where we see that Yohane is quite dependent on her mother, both financially and likely otherwise (being too dependent on others is a theme that comes up repeatedly as the story goes on). While this is not unusual for a 16-year-old, and neither is her naïveté about working more than three days a week, both show that Yohane simply isn't prepared to live an adult life yet - a life where she has to take responsibility for her own actions and provide for herself, especially when these two traits are combined with her inability to talk to most people comfortably. While it might be easy to say "just get over it," the reality is that life is usually not as simple as that. It takes significant time and support to get over that small teenage view of the world. But Yohane doesn't have as much time as a teenager in our world would due to the lack of any sort of school system to train her to be a productive adult (I will elaborate on this more later). As a result, she finds herself dependent on Lailaps to guide her through most situations, from how to talk to Hanamaru again to establishing a way she can get by every day in Numazu, at least in the short term.

While singing for Hanamaru in episode 1 is an important step for Yohane in communicating with people better, it's episode 2 where we see her take bigger strides in understanding how adult life works and settling into the role that, as we learn much later, Lailaps has created for her. Of course, her progress isn't without its bumps in the road. Being a fortune teller sounds like an easy enough job, but even that requires effort to pull off, something Yohane clearly didn't know before attempting it. That's not to mention accidentally hurting Hanamaru's feelings by insisting that money is all that matters in a working adult life (something that a number of grown adults in real life seem to believe as well). Nevertheless, thanks to Lailaps, Yohane starts to understand that some of her beliefs were mistaken. Her subsequent decision to make up with and support Hanamaru is perhaps the first sign of taking initiative that she shows in the story, with the second coming in the next episode along with the first sign of how dangerous the Calamity can be.

There's not too much to say about this episode as it largely consisted of the "Be as One" fight scene and Mari's introduction. The one thing to point out here is that Yohane takes an important, albeit not flashy step forward by getting Dia and Chika to stop arguing and start cooperating. Saying something like "hey, get it together" might not sound like anything of note, but for someone who struggles to speak with strangers, saying that to two strangers who are wielding weapons is legitimately an accomplishment (ask an introvert in real life and they will probably agree). The praise Yohane receives from her more combat-adept peers seems to give her a boost in confidence, something which carries over, albeit in subtle ways, into both her conversation with Mari and the events of episode 4.

Episode 4 is where we see Yohane get more of a glimpse into the everyday working lives of You and Kanan. While she starts to appreciate the value of contributing to society in episode 2, she's still only doing odd jobs right now, so having a chance to be on the front lines alongside girls who have established jobs is a valuable experience for her. This is also where we see the confidence boost from episode 3 start to show. There are a few times where Yohane instinctively gives a retort in response to something Kanan says, only to apologize afterward, even though Kanan doesn't think she's being rude at all. Yohane is starting to feel more comfortable being herself around people now, though she still has a little ways to go before she can really consider herself their equal. While delivering mail and repairing a swing may not be huge accomplishments or relate specifically to the trials that Yohane must overcome as a person, they do represent a recurring theme in the first half of the story: the idea of Yohane learning more about how to find her place in the world from the girls who have, for the most part, already found their own places and want to help Yohane find hers. Having spent this time learning from her more life-experienced peers, she's now ready to start acting on what she's learned so far. Going into the next episode, this is where we start to see some payoff from the buildup that has taken place up until now. Episode 5 is Mari’s episode, i.e., the episode where we gain more insight into why Mari has been so reclusive up until now. While we see that she at least somewhat trusts Dia, enough to indirectly help her keep Numazu up and running anyway, it’s Yohane who is able to get Mari to open up a little bit more and take a chance on the people of Numazu. Despite struggling with her own social anxiety, Yohane by this point has learned a few things from her peers and experienced first-hand the value in trusting and cooperating with others. It’s this experience that allows her to find the right things to say to get Mari to take a stroll through the central town of Numazu and see how the townsfolk feel about her after so many years. And it’s the combination of this experience and how she can relate to Mari that allows her to help her new friend through a difficult moment and learn to trust the townsfolk. This was something Yohane simply wasn’t capable of until now. It’s one of the more overt displays of Yohane taking action based on what she’s learned from the other girls, and one that comes up again in the next episode.

If episode 5 is Mari’s episode, then episode 6 could be called Riko’s episode, albeit perhaps to a lesser extent. After their encounter at the tree stump, Yohane and Mari largely stick to Riko like glue for most of the episode, seeing some of her self-doubt at one or two points. Just like how Yohane would not have been able to help Mari at the beginning of the story, the two of them may not have been able to spare Riko much attention if not for the growth each one has experienced by this point. While the “Hey, dear my friends” MV doesn’t depict events that literally happen, it very clearly depicts the nature of the relationship between these three: Yohane, who got a series of important helping hands from Lailaps and everyone else, was able to (figuratively) help Mari to her feet, and then the two of them together are able to help Riko to her feet. While Sunshine in the Mirror is largely the story of Yohane growing up with the help of her more life-experienced peers, these two episodes show that she is not the only one who has room for growth. Having now played a major role in improving the lives of two other girls on top of her smaller roles in helping out around Numazu, Yohane is starting to feel more confident in her abilities, and she starts thinking about taking initiative in certain situations. The end of episode 6 marks the end of the first half of the story, both episodically and thematically.

These six episodes were largely about introducing the setting and characters as well as having Yohane learn important lessons about living as a proper adult from the other girls. The remaining seven episodes make up what could be called an ‘independence arc’ of sorts. This half of the story focuses on Yohane going through that time all teenagers experience - the time when they’re ready to start branching out on their own more and no longer want their parents (or in Yohane’s case, Lailaps) looking over their shoulder and making decisions for them.

Episode 7 features the first instance where Yohane somewhat rejects the attempts Lailaps makes to help her. Yohane feels the need to take initiative and try to make the “girls’ night” the best it can be for everyone (except herself), partly, as we’re later told, because it’s still in her nature to want to be this awesome person who does cool things and receives a lot of praise from others. This shows us that in spite of her progress so far, Yohane still has some growing up to do. But it’s noteworthy that she’s actually willing to put in work to accomplish this now instead of trying to take the easiest possible path to fame. It’s also noteworthy that she recognizes how she still needs to rely on Lailaps for some things and, in spite of her earlier remarks, is openly grateful for her longtime companion coming to her aid again. Yohane learns another two important but less obvious lessons from Lailaps and the other girls: that it’s not good to ignore your own needs and desires and that it’s okay to rely on others for things as long as you’re not trying to have them do everything for you. After we have a chance to see everyone enjoying what is basically a day off, a break from their usual working routines, we see Yohane apply these lessons by asking the other girls to sing with her at the upcoming festival (a request that is met with an ominous reaction from Lailaps) as she doesn’t feel comfortable singing in front of a crowd all by herself yet. This leads us into the controversial(?) Episode 8.

The festival episode is certainly one point in the story where we don’t see as much growth from Yohane compared to most other episodes. Instead, it serves as more of a check-in, a way to see how far she’s come as well as how much room she still has to grow. For most of the episode, we see everyone either running stands or just enjoying the festival. In particular, we see that Yohane appears to have learned that the proper way to run a fortune-telling shop is to make vague statements about people’s future and not try to predict the weather. She also appears to be a little more comfortable being herself now, exchanging some light banter with the little kids from the earlier episodes, having them accept her doing so, and even getting their assistance running the food stall without having to ask them. By this point, Yohane has a very different reputation in Numazu than she did in the beginning; she’s started to establish a place for herself in the town she once turned her back on. The second portion of the episode, featuring the scramble to find Yohane’s lost staff, has several things happen, albeit in a way that perhaps could have been reorganized. The main takeaway from the ordeal is that Yohane is still just starting to climb out of her shell and is at a point where she is very vulnerable to the idea of failure. She’s come a long way since she first returned to Numazu, and she’s terrified of having everything she’s built up come crashing down all at once. While it may not seem like a big deal for her to lose her staff when she just plans to sing on a stage with the other girls, the point is that she’s dependent on that staff and doesn't think she can sing with everyone and stop the Calamity without it. If she were unable to get up on that stage and sing, she might well have retreated deep into her shell out of shame, undoing all of the progress she’s made up until now (similar to something we see in a later episode, but to a much greater extent). Fortunately for our heroine, the staff is found, and the performance goes smoothly (except for stopping the Calamity, as we learn later). The one other thing of note here is how Yohane lashes out at Lailaps over the lost staff before apologizing later. Now that we’ve had a couple of episodes designed to bring all nine girls together, it’s time to see exactly how the changing relationship between the self-proclaimed siblings has affected Yohane’s growth and how it will affect her from now on.

Episode 9 begins with Yohane waking up from a dream (which happens to give us a major clue to the truth about Lailaps) and feeling very unmotivated to do much of anything. While this could be seen as a sign of regression back into the girl who thought she could get by doing the bare minimum in life, it’s more likely a sign that Yohane is feeling lost. She thinks she’s just accomplished something major (and says as much in a way which hints that she actually hasn’t), but now she’s at a loss for what to do next. Is stopping some force that she doesn’t understand what she really hoped to accomplish? Should she just be an errand girl or a fortune teller for the rest of her life? There are probably a number of thoughts like this going on in her head, and she has no idea how to sort them out. While there is a classic case of ‘just a little too late’ following this as Yohane tries and fails to keep up with Lailaps, the next thing of note is the conversation between these two later in the episode. Beyond the foreshadowing that was actually strong enough for seemingly everyone to notice, the key takeaways here are Yohane recognizing that it was Lailaps who created the opportunity for her to help out around the town as an errand girl, giving her some purpose to fulfill in Numazu, and realizing that what she really wants to accomplish is something she still hasn’t grasped yet. After a quick check-in moment featuring Yohane fitting right in with the other girls, no longer timid around them, we have the chance to see what our heroine thinks she needs to do in order to truly find her place in this world as the next episode begins.

The first part of Episode 10 follows up on both Yohane’s decision to pursue what she thinks she’s missing and her failed audition from the first episode, reminding us that she wanted to be a professional singer. Still being largely unable to say no to people when they insist on things, Yohane inevitably gets swept up into giving a speech about her time in Numazu and her second chance at a singing audition in Tokai. This leads to another disagreement with Lailaps, though surprisingly, it’s arguable that this one isn’t any fault of Yohane’s. She does make a bit of an insensitive remark about Lailaps “babysitting” her, but then she almost immediately says that she would like Lailaps to come with her both to Tokai and to her speech, only for the wolf to strongly deny both requests without any explanation. Naturally, this weighs heavily on the girl’s mind as she prepares to give her speech, even as the usual children we see around surprisingly treat her a little bit like a minor celebrity. The fact that Yohane is even able to give a speech in the first place (at least until the absence of Lailaps and the return of the Calamity) is one of the more obvious signs of how much she’s grown over the course of the story. After all, this is the same girl who could barely talk to Hanamaru in the beginning, even when it was just the two of them. Once the Calamity starts causing trouble again, we see another, perhaps more subtle sign of just how far Yohane has come when she goes to help Hanamaru and insists that she will protect Shishinoshin (Hanamaru’s boar companion). She had no sense of responsibility at all when she first returned to Numazu, and she was too scared to branch out and do much of anything involving other people except when she had to. And now here she is, swearing to protect her friend’s companion from hyper-aggressive deer, magical lightning, and potentially other unpleasant things that she doesn’t really understand at all. While she doesn’t end up doing much to resolve this situation in the next episode, her reaction to not being able to help is night and day compared to what it would have been had this happened much earlier.

The immediate danger to Hanamaru and Shishinoshin is resolved quickly in Episode 11, largely thanks to Million Dollar. While it’s unclear how Yohane feels about being unable to do anything to fend off the corrupted deer, there is zero subtlety about how useless she feels for not having ended the Calamity a few episodes ago as she throws away the staff she’s been so dependent on. This is a curious point, as it represents throwing away the bonds she’s built with the other girls (which Lailaps explicitly says at one point). It’s unclear if Yohane is aware of this and that her throwing away the staff is a sign that she doesn’t think she deserves the others’ friendship or if she’s doing so to remind herself of her own perceived failure. Whatever the case may be, we see signs that she might be on the verge of remembering or figuring out something important when she grows frustrated with Lailaps for not sharing details about what happened between them in the past (perhaps not unlike a large number of viewers watching this show). While Lailaps takes it upon herself to retrieve the staff - the symbol of everything Yohane has accomplished up until now, our heroine is practically abducted by most of her friends, who are determined to cheer her up and restore her confidence. It speaks to just how depressed she is that even the silliest antics from the other girls aren’t enough to make her feel any better. It’s not until Chika’s charismatic speech that Yohane gains a renewed sense of purpose and sets off to find Lailaps, setting up for the final resolution between the two of them.

Episode 12 is mostly about resolving the mysteries surrounding Lailaps and how those relate to Yohane’s ability to face both the Calamity as well as the challenges of everyday life. Prior to the big resolution, however, there is one other scene worth drawing attention to. When one of the children reports that her sister is outside somewhere, Yohane is the one to volunteer to find her, insisting that the others “leave it to the local errand girl.” While it’s not the first time in recent episodes that Yohane has done something like this (she did insist on protecting Shishinoshin in the previous episode), her word choice represents a dramatic shift from the early episodes where she was very reluctant to do random odd jobs around the town. Of course, rescuing a child is far from just an odd job, but it’s the desire to be useful that matters here. Not long after this comes the climax of the episode, where we learn that Yohane unintentionally cast magic to transfer a part of herself to Lailaps so she could have a close friend (or sister) to communicate with. This scene reminds us that Yohane used to have trouble talking to people in any real meaningful way and frames this major childhood event as a way for her to finally have someone she can communicate with freely. It’s here that we also learn more about what Lailaps has been thinking this whole time, namely that she’s been trying her best to look out for Yohane but has grown attached to the point where she’s a little afraid of going back to the days when the two couldn’t talk to each other, and she perhaps has been reluctant to face that fact until now. As the two communicate, they both accept that it’s necessary for Yohane to reclaim the part of herself that she gave to Lailaps as a child, not just in order to stop the Calamity, but also in order to live a functional adult life. The exchange happens, and now Yohane is ready to take initiative again and finally stop the Calamity.

Much of Episode 13 is spent showing how the Calamity is affecting everyone’s lives and contrasting that with what their lives are like when it isn’t a threat. But to focus on our heroine once again, Yohane shows her newfound confidence and understanding of herself by using her magic to communicate (telepathically!) with the other girls and ask them for their help in one last song, the aptly-named “Song of Courage,” to restore Numazu to normal. But of course it won’t be that simple, as she becomes trapped in some sort of magic bubble before the song is finished. She again doubts herself here, but this time it takes significantly less to get her back on her feet, as some encouragement from everyone gives her the strength to break free of her imprisonment and grant even more magic to their song, even having it reach every single person in Numazu. This last renewed effort is finally enough to put the Calamity to rest (for now?) and return everyone’s daily lives to normal. After checking in on everyone, we see Yohane telling Lailaps about what she’s learned and her new, more mature outlook on life. The story (so far?) concludes with the other girls all coming up to Yohane to talk about wanting to continue singing as a group going forward, perhaps implying that Yohane would be the one to take the lead on such endeavors, a role she never could have handled even halfway through this series but is likely prepared for now.

Now that I’ve broken down some key points about how Sunshine in the Mirror is a coming-of-age story, I want to focus on some common talking points surrounding the show. While my opinion on the anime may be obvious by now, I want to preface this next section by saying that I’m not trying to attack or change anyone’s opinion or necessarily “defend” the anime in this write-up. I only want to bring up ideas here that I feel are worth considering.

Fantasy

There has been plenty of discussion over how much of a fantasy show Sunshine in the Mirror really is and the expectations surrounding a show that is advertised as fantasy. This discussion, perhaps indirectly, brings up an important question: what defines “fantasy”? An adventure in another world? Characters fighting for their lives in a world with magic and strange creatures? Or perhaps just a world with different rules compared to our own, typically including magic and a variety of creatures that don’t exist in our world? While Sunshine in the Mirror does not feature much fighting or a traditional adventure about exploring the world, it does feature a world where magic exists and which features certain important differences from our own world. The first episode introduces us first to the Calamity, some kind of seemingly magical force (which we later learn is technically part of the world itself) that threatens to disrupt or even consume Numazu, and then later to the fact that magic not only exists in this world but is something Yohane is able to wield (e.g., transforming a stick into a staff), even if she doesn’t understand exactly how to wield it. Oh, and a couple of fantastical animals in the form of Lailaps and Shishinoshin. Later episodes introduce us to other instances of magic, technology, and fantastical beings in the form of Million Dollar’s blasters, the Scarlet Delta armor set, the cannon You uses to deliver mail, Tonosama (Kanan’s frog mech), the fairy version of Ruby, as well as Mari, who has horns and the ability to hear things other people can’t hear in this world, and her familiars. Looking at it like this, it appears the anime does feature plenty of fantasy content.

Of course, what’s most important is how much the fantasy content features in the show. Some elements, like Shishinoshin and Tonosama or the blasters and armor set, don’t come up very often, and it could be argued that their relevance to the plot is minimal. On the other hand, Mari’s horns and Ruby’s very existence as a fairy are more relevant to their characters. And of course, Lailaps and the Calamity are two of the most important plot points in the whole show. It’s fair to question why the less common elements aren’t featured more, but it’s important to keep in mind that this story only has thirteen episodes of runtime (and there are likely several reasons for this), so featuring more scenes that feature those elements would require replacing existing scenes. It could be argued that some scenes could easily be replaced, and perhaps even that the show would benefit as a result, but this could be argued of virtually every story that is more than a few paragraphs long, and it may be more difficult to argue that enough scenes could be replaced to accommodate more of the less-featured fantasy elements without telling a completely different story. The writers wanted to tell a coming-of-age story that takes place in a fantasy world, not a fantasy adventure with coming-of-age elements. While it’s perfectly fine to prefer the latter over the former, it’s much more difficult to argue that the writers’ preference is objectively worse. Additionally, it’s not unusual for certain elements in fantasy stories to not affect the plot much until later in a story (some of which can be very, very long), or even just remain as background elements for the entire story, not unlike some of the fantasy elements from Sunshine in the Mirror. This doesn’t mean that the fantasy elements were necessarily utilized as much or as best as possible, even considering the show’s length and the main point of the story (Yohane learning how to be a proper adult). It just means that what constitutes a “good” fantasy story is not necessarily straightforward.

Additionally, there is one other (possibly underappreciated) element of the “Mirror Numazu,” as I’ll call it, that is different from our world and also very important to the story: the expectation that 16-year-olds should have adult responsibilities (like working) and the lack of a school system to prepare teenagers for adult life. In the original Sunshine, Yoshiko has plenty of growing up to do, and while she experiences some character development, it’s hard to say she’s ready to be an adult by the end of the story. This is not a bad thing because she still has two more years of high school to prepare her for adult life. But in Sunshine in the Mirror, Yohane has to learn how to be a responsible adult now. While the other residents of Numazu are happy to help her along the way, the fact remains that she doesn’t have nearly the same amount of time or the same support structure that she would have at that age in a modern world. That might not sound like a big deal, but how many of us can truly say that we were proper, responsible adults less than a year into high school? For those of us who have finished school, how well could we have handled being thrust into a working adult life at the age of 16? Maybe we could have adapted to it in time, but it certainly would have been a more challenging experience for us. While not exclusive to fantasy worlds, per se, this difference between the Mirror Numazu and the original Numazu is arguably the single most important and unrecognized fantasy element in this story. Perhaps it’s disappointing to some that such a thing would be more important to the story than the force that threatens to consume an entire town (and possibly more), but this may have more to do with the expectations surrounding the story than the story itself.

Expectations and Differences from Sunshine

What exactly were the expectations for Sunshine in the Mirror coming in? Personally speaking, I really only ever saw comments about how this show would be the glorious return of Aqours, gracing anime again after more than four years. I never really saw anything more specific than that. It seems there are fans who expected just that. But there are other fans who seemed to expect something else. I’m aware there is a manga subtitled “Unpolarized Reflection” that apparently has more action-adventure elements. Were fans who were less satisfied with the anime expecting it to adapt that? If so, that’s not entirely unreasonable, though it’s important to keep in mind that the other Love Live! Manga tell largely different stories compared to their anime counterparts, so logic suggests that this would also be true for Genjitsu no Yohane. The idea that the two would tell different stories is also supported by the differing subtitles: Sunshine in the Mirror and Unpolarized Reflection. While it’s not unusual for an anime adaptation to add or remove subtitles, changing a subtitle into something completely different is often a sign that the two pieces of media will tell very different stories that take place in the same world. So it seems there was a relatively low chance of the anime directly adapting the manga.

But perhaps the expectations from less-satisfied fans were unrelated to the manga. Perhaps such fans were just expecting a more conventional action-adventure fantasy story? Or maybe something that would be very different from the original Sunshine? Or perhaps just something that would appeal to a larger audience than an idol show would? Or maybe an anime that would clearly be one of the best anime in a long time? Or, based on some comments, the expectation was simply that it would either be action-adventure or slice-of-life/drama but not a mix of the two. I don’t mean to claim that any of these are wrong. But I’d like to break down each one.

Starting with a conventional action-adventure fantasy, why would this be an expectation for fans who are not familiar with the manga? Simply because it’s the most common type of fantasy story? Or because of “Fallen Angel Yohane”? There is some logic in these expectations, but consider for a moment what spinoffs are usually like. How often are spinoffs made in a completely different genre compared to the works they derived from? There are examples like the Attack on Titan: Junior High, if we want to count that, but that’s an example of an action show having a comedy as a spinoff. Arguably one of the more prominent spinoffs is A Certain Scientific Railgun, derived from A Certain Magical Index. But that’s an example of an action show derived from another action show; if anything, Railgun has more slice-of-life elements compared to Index. The closest thing to meeting this expectation may be The Idolmaster: Xenoglossia, a one-episode OVA about idols fighting in mechas. To my (admittedly limited) knowledge, this was not very popular. Maybe that’s just because it was made at a time when idol shows were not especially common, when Idolmaster fans wanted to see an adaptation of the games, and when there were lower expectations for anime in general. But even if Xenoglossia might be more well-liked now than when it first came out, it would still mark only one example of a non-action show receiving an action-oriented spinoff. Does one instance mean it’s reasonable to expect that of another idol show spinoff?

What about something very different from the original Sunshine? It’s certainly reasonable to want something that differs from what we’ve come to expect, but this brings up a few questions. For one, what specific things should be different? And how different should those things be? What elements should be removed, and what elements should be retained? And why? To focus on my own opinion again, I personally consider the main point of Love Live! to be how the girls come together towards a goal and help each other grow as people in the process, and this is the main thing that makes me such a big fan of the franchise, along with things like the type of comedy and the specific balance of comedy and drama the franchise uses. These elements are mostly present in Sunshine in the Mirror, albeit with much more focus on Yohane than any of the other girls. Can a story be considered an entry in the LL! franchise if it doesn’t have these things? Was the expectation for Sunshine in the Mirror to not have them? Or maybe to only have some of them? To be an event-focused story instead of a character-focused story? It certainly wouldn’t be wrong to prefer any of these things. But this just brings back the questions of what defines this franchise for each fan. How much can change without this anime becoming, for all intents and purposes, part of a completely different franchise? I don’t believe there are any right or wrong answers to these questions, but I believe they are questions worth asking.

As far as appealing to a larger audience goes, this would be somewhat understandable. Many of us may desire to share our love for LL! with more people, especially people who dismiss the franchise simply because it’s about idols. But what may be less obvious is that there are disadvantages to having more people engage with a piece of media or media franchise. For example, consider the popular YouTuber known as Gigguk, someone known for a dislike of traditional idol shows and a love of action, adventure, fantasy, and different takes on concepts he normally dislikes (such as Oshi no Ko’s depiction of idols). Prior to Sunshine in the Mirror’s first episode, there was a meme about how Gigguk is such a sucker for fantasy that he planned to watch this show even knowing it was a Love Live! spinoff. For what it’s worth, I have no idea how he actually felt about the show or if he even finished it (though I personally doubt he did). Assuming he didn’t finish it, then the show would likely have to be very different and probably either very action-oriented and/or have writing in the top 1% of all anime for him to finish watching and legitimately enjoy it. If this happened, rather than make him appreciate the main LL! entries more, it would likely just lead to him complaining (not all that seriously, to be fair) that future entries weren’t like this spinoff. Of course, this isn’t just about one person. This also applies to many more people who have similar likes and dislikes.That said, it’s possible that changing the anime to appeal to a larger audience would also attract viewers who would actually become fans of the franchise. But with new fans comes new expectations. When a franchise grows bigger, fans both new and old may start to think about how this increase in size means the franchise is making a lot more money, and that with more money, the franchise can and should become better. There are two problems with this way of thinking. The first is that fans may start to think that every penny the franchise makes can be applied to every part of the franchise at the same time as opposed to the money being distributed among the many different products that make the money in the first place (like spending money earned from merchandise on animation instead of spending it to create new merchandise). This is an unrealistic expectation that can lead to a lot of negativity. The second problem is that fans may apply this thinking to aspects of the franchise that cannot be objectively improved with more money. For example, fans may come to expect better stories and writing, but they may disagree over what actually constitutes better stories and writing. Some new fans may prefer to see the stories change in certain ways, while other fans may be uncomfortable with those specific changes. It could be argued that this already happens within the fandom, but with even more people watching these anime, this could happen even more. Is that something existing fans want?

Then there is the idea of Sunshine in the Mirror being one of the absolute best anime to be made in a long time. This expectation seems to assume that any of the other LL! anime were unquestionably among the best anime around the time they first aired and did not have any elements that could be criticized. And maybe that is the case for a number of fans. But if so, then what is it about Sunshine in the Mirror that makes it inferior to its modern-world counterpart? Is it just the idea that it should be full fantasy or not fantasy at all (as discussed below)? Or perhaps it’s not about LL! being near perfection. Perhaps this expectation just assumes that with enough money, this level of quality could easily be achieved (see above for why this is unrealistic). There are also two more questions that come with this expectation: how many stories, anime or otherwise, in general could be considered the best or at least one of the best around the time they came out, and is it reasonable to expect any given story to be one of them?

Finally, there is the idea of whether Sunshine in the Mirror should be a mix of more traditional fantasy anime and slice-of-life/drama. Here’s yet another question: if someone argues that it shouldn’t be, then why not? Is there a rule that says anime should only be one or the other? If not, then maybe the question should instead be about how a mix of the two should be balanced. That is, how much of one should there be compared to the other and how often should the story change focus from one to the other? Once again, I won’t even try to answer any of these questions because I don’t believe they necessarily have any right or wrong answers. I just believe they’re important questions to consider when thinking about what the show was and what it could have or should have been. And this leads into the final topic I wanted to discuss.

What’s the Point?

What exactly is the point of Sunshine in the Mirror? Why does this anime even exist? It’s not reinventing the wheel or trying to establish a new direction for Love Live! or anything like that. And it’s not telling a story about the “Fallen Angel Yohane.” So why does it exist? While it’s obviously impossible to know exactly what the staff was thinking when planning the anime, the simplest explanation is that they just wanted to tell a coming-of-age story about how Yoshiko might deal with her social anxiety and find her place in a world with no school system and where she doesn’t have her chuunibyou persona to fall back on, perhaps because they consider that to be the most important part of her character. But if that’s the case, then why make it in a fantasy world? If they just wanted to tell a story about a girl growing up and they’re not going to include any fallen angels or demons or dark magic or anything, why not just have it take place in the modern world and just have Yoshiko not go to school because of crippling social anxiety? This question also has a simple answer: why not? While the world of Genjitsu no Yohane is certainly not explained in significant detail, it does (as discussed earlier) contain a number of fantasy elements to make the setting fundamentally different from a modern world. And there are fantasy stories that could feasibly take place in a more modern world without rewriting the entire story. A protagonist with magic powers could still have supernatural abilities in some form (like Mob Psycho 100), and fantastical creatures could still appear in our world (like Digimon) and even live in our world (like Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid). On the other side of the spectrum, there are stories like Restaurant to Another World, which features plenty of fantasy elements. But many of those elements are not especially relevant to the plot and mainly exist to create a less mundane setting. Of course, there are also stories that would not be the same at all if they did not take place in a fantasy world (like Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End). And while perhaps not to the same extent, Sunshine in the Mirror also contains fantasy elements that may be difficult to separate from the story (as discussed earlier). But what I’m trying to say here is that it’s not unusual for a story in a fantasy world to be less about the world or any single fantastical element and more about something that could more or less take place in our world. So why does any writer create a fantasy story that could take place in the modern world without any major adjustments? The answer is the same as it was for the last question: why not?

Closing

To close this excessively long breakdown, I want to make it clear again that none of this is meant to attack anyone or necessarily change anyone’s opinion. In spite of everything I’ve said, I have no problem with people simply not liking the show for what it was. The Love Live! franchise is very important to me, and that includes a spinoff that does not even feature the brand in its name. And after seeing some of the discourse surrounding the show, I just wanted to express my thoughts on it in a relatively organized way. If anyone reading this thinks about any of the ideas I’ve brought up at all, I would consider that an accomplishment. And if not, then oh well. In that case, if anyone is actually reading this, then I apologize if I sounded too aggressive or defensive. And I hope you enjoyed seeing my thoughts on Sunshine in the Mirror.

#love live sunshine #yohane the parhelion #genjitsu no yohane #yohane anime #sunshine in the mirror #love live

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cerosin-bis · 2 years

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Can there be more nikto headcanon s pls?

Yes 😳 I have never done a post for my Nikto headcanons so I'm happy to do so!

here is an attempt at drawing my face headcanon for him. You'll find much more in my #nikto tag (continuously updated) (my first attempt is very old wow. 2020)

Used to be a high level swimmer. He loves water. (gratuitous correlative: very muscled back)

He LOVES competition. Fueled by it. He can and will prove everyone he's better at literally anything. His ego is huge and can in fact be damaged.

Deep cover agents can be super young, I imagine him to be now (in mw19 I mean) in his early to mid 30s

Sounds older than his age because his voice is naturally raspy AND bc he smokes 1-2 packs a day

Keeps his hair in sort of an overgrown, flat mohawk to have a symmetrical haircut. It "damage controls" the area where his hair is gone/skin burnt. Fashion baby.

Tall (~6'3/193cm). Wide. Naturally muscled but with a layer of fat. Physically very very strong.

Has a massive cross tattooed on his back. Used to be a believer (Christian orthodox) and then the horrors.

Tends to eat way less than he should given his constitution. He forgets: he has a complicated relationship with, like, basic functions and needs

Has incredible balance and no sense of vertigo. He's steady on his feet (unless he's dissociating. of course)

Tends to be a leader in groups, and is a good strategist. He's often the one to give the orders, even when Bale is deployed along

Cut ties with his family, refuses to even mention them: there's a before/after torture and he "can't" go back to his "before" life.

White boy supreme. Nikto avoids the sun at all costs because he burns.

More under the cut regarding his condition. (CW: mention of dark themes, trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms)

Again: might not suit everyone's headcanons, it's just my headcanons and they can coexist with others'/I don't pretend to grasp the character better than anyone!

I imagine him to have, on top of his dissociative disorder (DID and comorbidities), PTSD-induced psychosis and other things. His PTSD is exclusively linked to his torture, no other event. It can be triggered by pretty much anything (well, it's PTSD...)

Most of Nikto's scars are chemical burns. scars aren't that extensive on his body, they are mostly limited to his face and left shoulder/upper back.

Nikto has psychotic outbursts during which he can hallucinate, dissociate and/or gets violent intrusive thoughts. Channels/"controls" his anger quite well, but not his immediate physical reactions

Takes neuroleptics for his condition but since it's heavily sedative he only takes it when it's bad and not when deployed on hostile ground lol, so it's not regular at all. which doesn't help, but we won't mention that

He can get extremely physically violent: he is first and foremost a danger for others before being a danger for himself

Self-harms when he has absolutely nothing or no one else to lash out onto

Very prone to gratuitous displays of violence anytime he can, much like Krueger.

#headcanons #nikto #call of duty #mw19 #cod #modern warfare #cod nikto

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talesofsonicasura · 1 year

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I figure why not expand more on Of Bug Cults and Living Stone and Operation: Magnify from this post here. (The X Readers involving RE Leon Scott Kennedy.) Want I put down is what I plan to write. These can be read platonic or romantic as I keep strictly romantic stuff as side stories.

Of Bug Cults and Living Stone

Reader is a beast like humanoid troll in appearance. Think of the kind from Guillermo Del Toro's Trollhunters specifically the cartoon. Reader is half El Gigante's size and bears carving like marks that glow if emotional or by will. Reader is OLD, specifically someone in their mid 20s when compared to human age standards. (Best depiction in appearance is this post here, not my art hence the link.)

Leon comes across their den just after beating Del Iago. Reader is quite hospitable and friendly around wanderers if not in a foul mood. They only attack when provoked or threatened. Reader uses a taxidermy bear puppet to scare off normal trespassers. Braver ones are given a warning not to cause trouble or else.

Their familiar pact with Leon is bound by two steps: binding name and blood sigil. A contractor grants their familiar a title to summon them by. Next step is offering a bit of each other's essence such as blood/bone/magic. Sigil placement differs between species but a Troll's sigil manifest on the summoner's back.

Reader gives the agent a temporary seal(incomplete) as they don't fully trust Leon enough to grant their full power. Thus the agent only gave his blood and familiar title 'Hunter' to the troll. He can summon Reader from anywhere but it's best not to summon them in cramp places.

A full contract grants some of their magic to Leon such as healing. What else follows stem from the item Reader offers to solidify the pact: a fragment of their Heartstone (their life force/soul in a sense.) Physical changes to the contractor might happen as the bond between summoner and familiar grows.

Their magic is what suppresses the Plagas growth inside Leon. Los Illuminados wants Reader dead as they are immune to the parasite and can potentially negate its power if the Queen Plagas falls into their possession. This had led to attacks, raids, attempts at starvation tactics alongside the final straw by stealing the Troll's precious treasure.

Shadow of death isn't looming on Luis but someone else in the group. Reader absolutely despises Ada as they hate people who play mind games. Constantly swears in Trollish when something goes wrong.

Operation: Magnify

Reader already knew about Leon's existence by eavesdropping on Chief Irons. This Umbrella project was kept hidden from other sections and only Irons had knowledge about it. Reader is the latest unwilling experiment to Operation Magnify because of the corrupt cop's obsession with them.

MAGS are programmed to follow a 'loyalty' protocol and given handlers to manage that. Who they serve, protect, or die for. No one has successfully gotten Reader under Umbrella's control as they kill every handler sent to leash them.

Raccoon City outbreak led to Operation Magnify section of NEST becoming compromised as well. A chaos Reader used to escape and seek out Leon from every detail they could overhear from the obsessive officer. Their salvation as the loyalty protocol only allows a handler to have full sway of their MAG ward, no one else unless given permission.

Reader is twice Leon's size, grew spiky spines, horns and a tail thanks to their Magnification. Experiment 112 or Destination: Diablo is their tag name, it stems from the demonic visage. Reader's speech is broken thanks to constant abuse and lack of proper social communication. They can talk barely enough to convince Leon about being a friendly.

Reader walks on all fours out of habit as their previous living arrangements was a tiny cramp cell. It takes time to walk on two legs and break the unhealthy nature when not in battle. Leon reassures Reader even before learning about the horrors they had to endure.

The rookie cop protects the MAG with all his might like he does for Sherry. Leon does his best to help Reader while survive whether in or outside the ruins of Raccoon City. Their government designation is 'Beauty and the Beast'.

And that's all I have for now! Until next time folks, continue to thrive in the wake of Raccoon City.

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ofsuaes · 1 year

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hello hello~ i'm rina ( she / her ) bringing in my new muse suae here to mabeob! my timezone + work hours always put me on the dash at v late hours in comparison to everyone else but i'm usually always lurking if i'm able to hehe. it's been a while since i've been in a directory and i'm still trying to get accustomed to the new dash/xkit rewritten, so please bear with me and i thank you in advance!!

you can find a messy bio, profile, and plot page linked respectively, but i'll also have a summary of suae under the cut below! (i'll try to keep the bullets short but i tend to blabber sorry ehe)

feel free to give this post a like and i'll slide into your ims as soon as i am able! i also have a discord available if it is preferred

BACKGROUND

found unconscious along the shores of mabeob by an elderly baek youngja around the assumed age of 6 years old

suae has no recollection of her life prior to her peculiar arrival

she was eventually taken in by grandma baek who lived alone

initially, she lived quietly while grandma baek attempted to find out who she was and where she could call a home to. all the while, the lost girl followed her around like a little duckling, keeping her company around town as she completed daily tasks and such

eventually, when it seemed as though there were no one out there looking for the little girl, grandma baek decided to raise her as her own, granting suae her name the moment she'd decided to do so

suae has been grateful and goes above and beyond to assist "her grandma" and loves her dearly

however, in an attempt to maintain the peaceful bliss of their life together, suae hides the fact the she is a mermaid — a secret she hadn't even discovered the truth of until her early teen years

she's still unsure as to how her abilities as a mermaid had remained hidden until then, especially her tears that became beautifully round pearls, but she attempts to learn bits and pieces of her "true self" through stories and folktales told around the island

PERSONALITY

i very much had the little mermaid in mind for inspo!!

she's very sweet and naive — a true hopeless romantic in search of her true love!! a prince in shining armor!!!

extremely headstrong and stubborn, suae will always fight for what she believes in regardless of the consequences

one of the most loyal people you will meet! she loves passionately and fiercely and will do anything for her loved ones. even if you were to betray or hurt her, she wouldn't be able to forget your connection and would still be on your side until the end

bright, bubbly, a ray of sunshine — words often used to describe her around town. however, the complete opposite could be said for those who had known her as a child, when she first arrived in mabeob

those who also grew up with her in the outskirt homes area as well as classmates from grade school had known her to be quiet, demure, and shy. she often never made eye contact or spoke to anyone else unless spoken to first

one thing that has stayed the same since her childhood is how emotional she is. though she puts up a front of strength and bravery, she's quite fragile and known to be a crybaby. however, she'll run and hide before she gives you a chance to see her burst out in tears

#mabeob:intro

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marauderundercover · 3 years

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Taking Chance Ch. 15: Problem Solving (Last name: Wayne)

AO3

Walking into class after lunch break, Marinette keeps her head down. No need to bring attention to the fact that she’s late...again. Sliding into her seat, she breathes a sigh of relief that Mme. Bustier is also late. Probably making copies. Either way, it had saved her from getting in trouble for being late again. Opening her bag to take out her stuff, she winces as Lila’s voice pierces the room.

“And then, he said he missed me so much that he cried!” She exclaims, clutching her hands together and sighing. Marinette rolls her eyes, certain that whoever it is either doesn’t actually know Lila, or doesn’t know Lila. Either way….lie.

“I still can’t believe you’re official with THE Tim Drake!” Alya exclaims. Marinette immediately chokes on air, her entire face turning bright red as she coughs and attempts to catch her breath. It doesn’t help that everyone is suddenly staring at her and waiting to see if she’s okay. The story pops back into her mind. Yeah, sure Lila. Tim Drake is dating you- an annoying little kid. Sure.

“Are you okay?” Rose asks once Marinette finally catches her breath. She smiles awkwardly, not ready for a confrontation with Lila over this, but also wary to let anyone spread this specific rumor.

“Yeah, it’s just-” Marinette pauses and sighs. This wouldn’t be the high road, but she had to watch out for her brother. “I’m just not sure Lila is telling the truth.” Chaos erupts around her. She chances a glance at Adrien, surprised to see his supportive smile. Well, almost. They had gotten closer. And sure, he’s said he liked her in Gotham, but she kinda thought he just blurted it out after seeing she was Ladybug. She wasn’t quite sure if he actually liked her.

“I-I just don’t understand why you hate me!” Lila sobs.

“I don't-” Marinette tries to say. Keyword- tries.

“Girl, you should apologize. Lila's been talking about Tim since before we even went to Gotham! They’re super serious now. They have been for almost two years.” Alya says.

“No they’re not! Do you seriously think an almost twenty year old CEO would date some fifteen year old kid from halfway across the world? I doubt Tim’s ever even been to Italy or France since becoming Co-CEO.” Marinette rambles, knowing with absolute certainty that she was right.

“Marinette! You’re kind of being mean. Lila says-” Rose tries to say.

“Just because Lila said something doesn’t mean it’s true!” Marinette cries, her frustration threatening to overwhelm her.

“Girl, you seriously need to apologize.” Alya says softly. Marinette’s jaw drops.

“For what?” She scoffs, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “For seeing the truth and calling it out? For not bending to Lila’s every whim?”

“For being a bad friend.” Alya says simply. Marinette freezes. A bad friend? Really? Her? A bad friend? How? All she’d ever done was try to be good. To be nice. To be perfect.

“Whatever.” She finally says, standing and grabbing her stuff. She storms out of the room, ignoring the yells of protest from her classmates. She thinks she hears Adrien, but she ignores him too and continues on her rampage past everyone, including Mme. Bustier. She doesn’t stop until she’s in the basement of the school. The only thing down here were a few vending machines. She tries to calm herself down, knowing her anger is unnecessary. But it’s hard.

She wants to let herself be mad, she should be able to be mad about this! She was always trying to be a good friend and do things for other people and help the class even when she didn’t have time. Even if it meant missing out on sleep or doing something she wants to do, she put them first. Always. But somehow, Lila came out on top. She always comes out on top. They always believed Lila. Always.

“You should leave Marinette, before you attract an akuma.” Tikki says calmly. Marinette blinks, trying to figure out- Oh. Kaalki. Duh. Quickly calling on her transformation, Marinette portals into her room at the manor before a butterfly can come infect her. The second she lands, she calls off her transformation and continues her pacing.

“I’ve always been there for them. Always helped them. Always cared. How is calling Lila out being a bad friend? She’s not even my friend!” Marinette rambles with a huff.

“Maybe you should talk to your family- get their opinions.” Tikki suggests. Marinette starts to turn her down, then realizes she has to say something. Lila’s telling lies about Tim. Lies that could get him in some serious trouble.

“I have to tell Tim! If Alya publishes anything about Lila and Tim he could get in a LOT of trouble.” Marinette rambles, throwing her door open. She blinks in surprise at Tim, standing there frowning with a huge cup of what she assumes is coffee.

“When’d you get here?” He asks, and she can tell he’s much too tired to take this seriously right now.

“I’ll fill you in later, Timmy. Get some sleep.” She says, giving him a quick hug before darting around him and down the stairs. She had to tell someone who could deal with it. Not that she wanted Lila to get in trouble or anything like that, but...she didn’t want them to be able to lie about her family anymore. She’d accept all of those other stupid lies if she just stopped lying about the Waynes.

Running past the ballroom, a sudden movement makes her backtrack and actually glance into the ballroom. Her eyes widen when she notices the movement she caught was Dick….hanging from the chandelier. Of course. Well, he’s not going to be much help, she thinks, shaking her head and turning to try and find someone else. Maybe Mr.- maybe her dad was around. Now if she was a superhero/co-CEO combo where would she spend her free time. She hums, before deciding to check his study. If he wasn’t in there, she’d just go through and check the Batcave. He had to be in one of those places. She knocks on his study door, completely expecting silence, so she’s confused when she hears him call:

“Come in.” She raises an eyebrow. Okay, so he is in the study. Pushing the door open, she smiles at him, rubbing the back of her neck nervously at the brief look of complete and total shock on his face.

“Uh, hi Dad.” She says, rocking back onto her heels nervously. He controls his face quickly, gesturing for her to shut the door.

“Marinette. When did you arrive?” He asks, carefully examining her. She turns red when she realizes- he’s looking for injuries. Since going back to Paris, she hadn’t really communicated with her family unless she was injured or unable to fight. Promising herself to change that, she sits in the chair in front of his desk.

“Five minutes ago, maybe? I’m not sure. I just-” She pauses and frowns, realizing that her emotions almost got the better of her today. She almost let her frustration win. Over something silly. Shaking the thoughts away, she says “I was upset. Lila was lying again and usually I can just ignore her but this time… She was telling everyone that she’s dating Tim, and that they’re really serious and have been for almost two years.” Her dad’s eyebrows twitch slightly.

“Isn’t Lila your age?” He asks.

“Well, she’s already fifteen. But still, it would put Tim in a really bad light if Alya posted it somewhere and knowing Alya, she’s going to post it. Because they all believe Lila. And I tried to explain to them that Tim is quite a bit older than us and he’s an actual CEO and we’re just kids to him and he hasn’t even been in Italy or France and-” She pauses, letting herself take a breath. “I just think it’s wrong for her to lie about my family.”

---

Bruce tries hard to hide his shock. His daughter, who he’d known for less than two months, came all the way to Gotham because someone lied about Tim. It wasn’t the first time someone lied about the Wayne family, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last time. But the fact that his daughter was so upset that she had to come here...he was not going to let this slide. Wayne manor was a safe place, so he would make sure Marinette was able to breathe and relax a little before going home. And he was going to plan a way to stop the lies, to help Marinette.

“How can I help?” He asks, wanting to help but also wanting to make sure he does not overstep. He had heard her explaining to Damian why she let the girl get away with so many lies- it was an attempt to stop a mass akumatization. Bruce also wanted to avoid something like that, which is why he would follow his daughter’s lead.

“I don’t know! I know if I reveal everything it’s- it’s gonna be bad. I don’t know if we’d be able to handle something like that right now. Two of our temporary holders, people I trust a lot, are out of town. I don’t really trust anyone else and I’m certain we’d need their powers for the fallout from Lila’s kingdom falling.” She explains, bouncing her leg up and down as she glances around the room, possibly to come up with a plan. Bruce knew that he used a similar method when he was younger.

“What about the rumors related to the family? Do you think it would be safe to end those?” He asks, a plan beginning to form. But he’d have to get her permission. It would change many things.

“Well….yes. Yes, I think it would be safe. And even if it wasn’t, I know the fallout wouldn’t be anywhere as bad as if some of the other lies came to light.” She says. Bruce nods.

“Very well. Marinette, I believe I have something that might work, but I’m unsure if you’ll agree.” He says.

“We tell them I’m a Wayne.” Marinette says simply. Bruce blinks in surprise. It had definitely been what he was thinking, but thinking it and hearing his daughter say it out loud as if it was the most simple thing ever, those were two completely different things. He’s silent, trying to gather his words again when Marinette chuckles nervously. “I mean, we could say that I know you guys. Cause that’s not a lie.” She says. He sighs, realizing that his silence may have hurt her.

“Marinette, honey, you’re a Wayne. I want you to be one, and if you do as well, then of course we can tell them. I can even arrange for nondisclosure statements to be signed by the students in your class and the faculty. In case you’re not quite ready for the entire world to know.” He says quietly, hoping his voice is soft enough to reassure her. Her tense shoulders fall as she relaxes, her smile easing back into a natural one. Good. He didn’t mess up this time.

“Can we really do that? I do want to be a Wayne, it’s just. I’m not sure I’m ready for the world to look at me.” She says quietly. At this, he quirks a smile.

“If Adrien Agreste’s father is able to get an entire school to sign NDA’s about the boy’s lunch habits, I’m certain that having them sign an NDA when it’s for your safety will be no issue. Besides, if anyone breaks the NDA with malicious or ill intent, we can sue them.” He says simply.

“Oh, well, suing them seems a bit much.” She mumbles. He’s about to argue, when she shrugs. “But it also makes sense. Let’s do this.” He’s instantly proud of the determined look in her eyes. From saving her city to fighting lying bullies, his daughter was so much stronger than she thought.

---

Walking into class the following Monday was nerve wracking. It was almost the end of the school year, so she could’ve asked her Dad to wait until the next year to fix it. But she didn’t want to chance Lila lying about Tim all summer. Or anyone else in her family. Lila could use anyone else- even MDC- to get ahead, Marinette didn’t care. But she was done with Lila using her family. Originally, she had wanted to just do it quietly. Tell the teacher and have her pass out the forms. That’s probably how she would have done it too if her brothers hadn’t found out.

Now, her entire family was coming. She was cautious, but they promised to keep their emotions in check while they were in town. And they could always portal out if things got too tense. But, her brothers were drama queens. So it just made sense that they wanted to give her class the papers in person. She suspected Tim also wanted the chance to glare at Lila in person, and she wasn’t about to deny him that.

“Okay class! We have a few guests coming in today. They’ll be here in a couple minutes and I want you all to give them your full attention and respect.” Mme. Bustier announces, clapping her hands to get their attention. Marinette lets out a shaky breath. Here goes nothing. She tunes out the chatter of her classmates, keeping her eyes on the door. Waiting. Watching. Finally, she sees their shadows outside and her leg starts bouncing. Maybe she shouldn’t have let all of them get involved….

“Oh my god! That’s Bruce Wayne!” Alya yells as her family walks in. Marinette winces slightly at the instant fangirling from many of her classmates. She risks a glance at Lila and tries not to laugh at how pale the Italian girl had gotten. In fact, she looked a little green.

“Hello everyone! My name is Bruce Wayne, though I think you all should remember me from your trip to Gotham.” He says with a wide (fake) smile. Marinette wrinkles her nose. She doesn’t like this fake side of her Dad. She’d much rather watch him be overly serious than use that weird fake smile.

“We’ve brought some forms for everyone in this class to sign, as well as the faculty. The rest of the school won’t be required to sign these forms because it is assumed that what we are about to tell you will not go outside of this room.” Tim starts to explain, no coffee in his hand for once. “I know that it will not go outside of this room because these are NDAs, and we can and will take legal action against anyone who tells someone outside of this room about this information.” Everyone is silent, and while Marinette herself feels tense, she notices that most of her class just looks excited. Except Adrien, who was glancing back at her and looking worried. They’d already talked about this, but he was still worried. He seemed to think that this was one of her worst ideas, but honestly, Marinette didn’t care. She wanted to be able to (kind of) openly accept the other half of her family.

“Oh my god, is Tim about to propose?” Alya loudly whispers to Lila. Marinette can’t help it. She snorts. Out loud. Her face instantly heats as the entire room turns to look at her.

“Oh, uh, sorry?” She says, though it’s definitely more of a question than a statement. She wasn’t sorry.

“I am not about to propose. I’m actually not currently seriously seeing anyone, but there is a boy back home who I’ve had a few dates with.” Tim says. Marinette watches as Alya tries to say something, only to be stopped by Nino gently patting her hand and shaking his head. Good. Maybe they’d get through this without anyone getting akumatized. She glances at Lila again, rolling her eyes at the obviously fake upset look on her face. Is she seriously acting like Tim is cheating on her? In front of Tim? How dumb is she?

“I actually came to have everyone sign an NDA since my youngest daughter is in your class.” Her dad says, metaphorically dropping the bomb. He didn’t just drop it though, he chucked it at the class. The effect is immediate, the entire class erupting in whispers. Mme. Bustier tries, without luck, to gain control of the class. Marinette watches as Damian, who looked ready to murder any and all of her classmates, whistles an insanely high pitch. Wincing slightly, she makes eye contact with him and quirks an eyebrow. He shrugs, but it had been successful. The class was silent once again.

“When is she starting here?” Alya asks, obviously going into reporter mode. Marinette makes eye contact with her Dad, watching as he barely quirks an eyebrow, a silent question. One last chance to back out. She nods for him to continue. She wanted this.

“She actually already goes here. She just decided it was time to embrace the Wayne name.” He says, nodding at her. Marinette lets out a grounding breath and stands, quickly moving over to stand by her brothers. She tries to hide her hands behind her back, knowing they’re shaking like crazy. She positions herself between Dick and Jason, instantly able to relax as the feeling of safety washes over her. The class is completely silent, and Marinette isn’t sure if they don’t understand or if they’re in shock. She’s not sure which would be better.

“What?” Alya asks, barely audible.

“Marinette is my daughter, I am her biological father. She’s a Wayne. And you all have been provided with an NDA about her identity, so that she can remain safe and anonymous to the rest of Paris. Your parents have already agreed and signed both their forms and forms giving you all permission to sign a form. They all understand the importance of this secret, and I urge every single one of you to take this seriously.” Her dad says, giving the class another wide (fake) smile. She lays her head on Dick’s arm, relieved that her class instantly starts signing the forms. No outbursts right now, no possible akumas forming. Nothing. It was a relief, it was freeing. She was certain that it was going to come back and bite her- sooner rather than later if the look on Lila’s face was anything to go by- but for right now, everything was calm. And her family was supposed to stay in Paris for another day, so she’d finally be able to let three of her parents meet in person. It was nice. It was safe.

Master List

Tag list: @maribat-bdbwm @vixen-uchiha @stainedglassm @liquid-luck-00 @jayjayspixiepop @jjmjjktth @mizzy-pop @trippingovermyfeet @queenz-z @thepaceperson @iloontjeboontje @waiting247 @laurcad123 @toodaloo-kangaroo @ritacrow-blog @deathssilentapproach-blog @kittenmywaythrulife @nerd-nowandforever @tazanna-blythe @jaybird-and-co @jumpingjoy82

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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👽 X-Files Fic Recs: Novels, Part 5

Here are lots of very good novel-length X-Files fics to read! Need even more? Check out my earlier lists of novel recs. Enjoy! Part 1 ** Part 2 ** Part 3 ** Part 4 Abandoned and Apart by ML It's time to go. / I knew this day would come. I've known it for a long time. Achilles' Heel by FranTheWonderHorse Mulder is drawn into a group that claims to want to cast light on alien abductions An Alluring Indiscretion by Beduini and M. Taylor Harrison Um, Things you WON'T get in this story include; Slash,Scully/Skinner, Scully/Krycek, Death of one or more of our beloved heroes, Babyfic, Marriedfic, Rape, Alternate universe/Alternate Dimensions or anything like it. Unless, of course, you consider MSR Alternate Universe. You shouldn't be here if you do. Contact by @h0ldthiscat Unsure of the nature of their relationship, Mulder and Scully must work together when they receive an email from someone they thought was gone from their lives forever. Equilibrium by VivWiley How do you direct a manhunt for a man you know is no longer anywhere on the planet? Skinner and Scully hunt for Mulder post-Requiem. Failure to Die by Kel An undercover assignment lands Agent Jerry Luskin and his colleagues in a "cursed" hospital. Can Dr. Scully handle an emergency without calling for the paramedics? Just watch. The Fifth Column by Kemystre After the events of Sixth Extinction: Amor Fati, Mulder and Scully come to a crossroad in their relationship. The decision that Mulder makes will forever change their path together and quite possibly cost Scully her life. Gemma and Ancient Dreams by Kellie Matthews Mulder does some investigating while Scully is on vacation, and finds something other than psychic serial killers and little gray men. The woman he ends up with is a “finder” who attempts to help him locate a kidnapped child. // Scully goes to Ireland on a vacation, and discovers someone who challenges her skepticism, and provides some answers to who and what the Kindred are. Jack by Exley_61 At the age of innocence, a child witnessed the brutal murder of his mother at the hands of a monster. Ten years later, can Mulder and Scully prevent such brutality from happening again, risking more than their lives, but their hearts as well. . . . A Neurotic Need for Validation by Kel Perception is reality, for we do not interact directly with the world around us or even with ourselves. Nights of Shining Armor by Gina Rain A tale of shared dreams, fractured fairy tales and great expectations gone awry. In short, Mulder and Scully investigate a serial kidnapping case. Queen's Gambit by Suzanne Schramm Queen's Gambit: A chess strategy in which a player sacrifices key pieces in order to win. Sacrificing the Truth by DKSculder (@dksculder) After some time apart, Mulder makes a life-altering discovery that could change the course of his and Scully's lives forever. Will he make the right choice? She's Beauty, She's Grace by @sunflowerseedsandscience I was asked to write a Miss Congeniality/The X-Files mash-up… so here goes nothing. So Shall You Reap by Stephanie Davies Mulder is sent to the UK to investigate paranormal occurrences, and an old 'friend' returns The Way by KMNAHILL and MD1016 Scully becomes mysteriously ill. Mulder, Melissa, and Tao help to heal her. / On assignment in Chicago, Scully's illness progresses. / An assignment in Oregon turns out to be more than first expected. Humorous antics from the Lone Gunmen. / Samantha returns and isn't what Mulder had expected. With or Without You by Invisigoth421 What if Scully had not been returned in "One Breath"? Even 10 years later Mulder feels as though he can't live without her. But what would it do to his life if she returned 10 years later? Up the Ladder by RivkaT (@rivkat) Marita comes through for Mulder, giving him what he wants most. But twenty-five years haven't brought as many changes as he might have thought, and her gift might be more dangerous than anything he's faced to date. And what's up with those bees? A potpourri of Conspiracy elements with many old favorites present.

#new post #fic rec #roundup #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #novel

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elia-de-silentio · 3 years

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The overarching themes of Vanitas no Carte: Identity

The Case Study of Vanitas is a very good, too little known manga (I hope the anime changes something), with some central themes than are exposed in different ways through different characters. In this meta, I want to explore one that was brought to my attention pretty recently: here a little examination on the various ways to face one's own identity in The Case Study of Vanitas.

The Stable Identity( Noè)

Let's start off with the positives, shall we? Noè has probably the most secure personal identity of all the bunch.

And this is pretty amazing, considering everything he went through. He has no memory of his birth family, but gets adopted by some nice people - who die shortly afterwards. Right at their graves, he is kidnapped by slaves, in an accident that left him injured. Then he is bought by someone who actually treats him nicely and is a good mentor for him, he finds many friends his age - and then one of them, the one he was closest to, turns out to be a cursebearer, kills all of the others and then tries to kill him; he is saved by the mentor, who beheads the friend right in front of him. The most immediate emotion is relief for being alive, and he will always feel terrible for that. Then, he has to witness his surviving friend try to cope very badly with her mourning by repressing her identity and try to substitute it with that of her dead twin. That's a lot.

And Noé reacted to all of this by becoming a confident person, kind and attentive to others, but not to the point of being a pushover. I'm not saying he walked away unscathed from the events of his childhood: he regrets the way he handled things with Louis, the way he didn't understand him, and has developed quite the savior complex as a result.

What I'm saying is that he is probably one of the very few well-adjusted people in the psychiatric ward that is Vanitas no Carte. He is still questioning himself, but in a normal way for a nineteen-years-old that has just left a sheltered environment for the big wide world. He is aware of some of his strenghts (his naivete) and is realizing others (putting unfair expectations on other people, underestimating other people due to racial biases); but most importantly, when he realizes these mistakes, he doesn't run away from them or obsess over them believing they make him a horrible person: he recognizes them, apologizes to the wronged person if necessary, and works on improving them.

This isn't to say he's completely happy-go-lucky with no regrets; he feels guilty about being relieved that he lived while Louis died, and he has a lot of uncertainties regarding his identity as an Archiviste and the impact his powers can have on other people. But he managed not to tie his entire identity to that guilt; and as for the second point, Teacher helped him rationalise that and figure out a conduit that didn't undermine him and at the same time showed respect for others. Noè went through several traumas, but received one thing most of the cast didn't: guidance and support from his environment. Whatever Teacher's actual motives are, he shaped a well-balanced person.

The Group Identity (The dhamps, appearently 99% of vampirekind)

"Us dhams are only loyal to each other!" This is what Dante says in one of the first chapters, giving us the first clues to their status as outcasts.

The war between humans and vampires ended up with each deciding to keep to themselves, but dhampires are the living exception to that silent agreement. So, both societies decide to reject them, and they can't find a place in the world unless they stick to others of their own kind. This common history of traumatic experiences of abandonment and subsequent resentment of both human and vampire society for it goes on to create a very strong group identity: the only ones they give a damn about are those like them, everyone else is a potential enemy and is only good to be exploited.

Then, we have the vampire culture. I mean ... it might be because insofar we have met almost exclusively aristocrats obsessed with their respectability ... but they have a lot of prejudices.

You're born under a uncommon moon? You're a pariah. You're mixed race? You're a pariah. Your parents committed a crime? You're a pariah, and are used as a tool. You're born as part of a set of twins? Either you or your sibling are killed at birth, because of something that is SAID, not even a certified element of vampire biology. You're stuck with a curse? You're executed, no attempts to heal you.

Their society seems to run on an ideal model of person which depends on factors outside the individual's control, and whoever doesn't fit this description and deviates from the group in any shape or form gets ridiculously fierce punishment. They make the freaking Church look good by comparison, at least their repressive and racist side is composed of extremists instead of everymen.

The Clan Identity (Chloé, and partially Noé again)

Chloé identifies with a group of people too; but it's not a race, it's a family. The D'Apchier family, the nobles who are responsible for Gevaudan. Her father made sure she had this idea in her right from the start, and she interiorized it.

And this had mixed results: while on the one hand she was chained to self-loathing by the guilt of having accidentally caused the massacre of the family and was only saved by Jeanne and Jean-Jacques reclaiming her as part of theirs, on the other she was able to resist to Naenia because of the love and responsibility she felt towards the people of Gevaudan. Chloé is, at this point, the only curse-bearer who managed to trick and attempted to fight directly against Charlatan.

Then there is Noé in relation to his Archiviste identity. He seems to think of it mainly in negative terms, very conscious of the living invasion of privacy it turns him into ... and nothing else. We have never seen him wonder about who his birth parents were, ask himself why he doesn't remember anything, why was the clan exterminated, or how he feels about being a survivor, one of the only ones if not outright the only. He sees his heritage as a burden,and hasn't thought of it in any different term. I wonder how a change in perspective could impact the above 'stable identity'.

The Someone Else's Identity (Vanitas, Dominique)

I already dedicated a whole post to this trait they share, so I'll be short: both Vanitas and Dominique hate themselves and try to become something worthy by taking elements of people they admire: Louis for Dominique, a combination of his birth father and Luna for Vanitas.

The Object Identity (Jeanne)

The very first thing Jeanne was said in her whole life was that she was an object. A vessel for something (or someone?) else, who mustn't have feelings or desires of her own. Encouraging, isn't it?

Luckily, this wasn't all she got in life. Soon afterwards, she was adopted by Eric and Louise, who loved her a lot, received kindness by Ruthven, met Chloé who became an older sister to her. Unluckily, all of this was taken away from her in the most cruel way possible.

She couldn't make any sense of her parents's betrayal and death, and the way her life suddenly changed; she rationalised it by telling herself that it was her fault, if she had been just the good object everyone told her to be nothing would have happened. So she accepts the Object Identity: she is a tool, so she doesn't feel, she exists only to obey orders, and as long as she is nobody else will ever suffer. It gets even worse after she fails to kill Chloè: she couldn't fulfill her duties, and both her and her big sis suffered for it. This mindset traps her in a world of pain, but also prevents her from facing the fact that she is subject to a senseless injustice, one she has no control over.

Vanitas managed to help her with that. He validated her feelings, and showed her that nobody had to die if she had them, solving the situation with Chloé and Jean-Jacques. This gave her a nice confidence boost, returning her to the cheerful attitude she had as a young girl; the consequences of this change remain to be seen.

The Unknown Identity (Luna)

This one is interesting because Luna themselves is pretty explicit about it. They see themselves as something 'other', who is outside commonly used categorization; starting with 'male or female' (and here I am left wondering if they had specific sexual characteristics but didn't feel like they 'fit', or were intersex and nonbinary, or had an entirely different biology from both vampires and humans).

Luna doesn't like this condition: they said they tried to figure out what they were, to understand themselves, and they regret doing so now. Why? Maybe they didn't find any answer and were left perpetually unsatisfied, or they found an answer, and they found it to be awful?

Still, this indicates Luna has never been particularly happy with themselves, and this found no resolution. And then they died. Nice, uh?

Well, I think this was all. There are other characters I would like to know more about in regard to this, like Ruthven, Marquis Machina, and Mikhail, but there is still time.

All in all, I'd say Vanitas no Carte explores the theme of identity pretty throughly; many character arcs are still in progress, and I'm interested about how things will develope especially for Vanitas, Dominique and Jeanne.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read my ramblings!

#vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vnc meta #vnc analysis #vnc noe #vnc chloé #vnc vanitas #vnc dominique #vnc jeanne #vnc luna #elia's recaps

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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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The Obey Me Cast on a Camping Trip (Part One: Brothers)

Hey guys, thank you sooo much for getting me to 2,000 followers!! I honestly don’t know what to say... I never dreamed that this little hobby of mine would reach so many eyes, and I can’t be more grateful. At a time in my life where things feel so chaotic and uncertain, being a part of this community and sharing my weird ideas has been what’s kept me going. It’s been such a rewarding experience all around, so thank you. From the bottom of my heart. 😊

I pulled out all the stops for this post. I even brought out one of my favorite songs of all time: Ao to Natsu by Mrs. GREEN APPLE to get the feel juuust right. I hope you all enjoy it!

This post is split in two due to length (I had too much fun again...) For the Undateables, please click HERE!

Intro:

Another day, another team building activity between the demons and the exchange students. It was Diavolo’s idea to go on a camping trip to the human world (because of course it was), and there were very… mixed responses. That sentiment wasn’t helped when he refused Lucifer’s insistent pleas to just purchase cabins for everyone to stay in. Oh no, the Demon Lord wanted to rough it out in the wilderness, and now everyone else was getting dragged along with him…

Wonder how that turned out?

Lucifer

Really, really, really tried to push Diavolo to just rent out cabins in but noooo, he wasn’t having it... So he ended up driving a van crammed with his brothers, the MC, and a butt-ton of camping equipment into the Alaskan wilderness…

The car ride itself was insufferable… We’re talking, “I SWEAR I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND!!” level of antics every 10 miles or so (mostly from Mammon)…

Setting up camp was even more of a nightmare because about half of his brothers were utterly useless. The other half (save Satan) were completely clueless… Had it not been for Barbatos and Satan he probably would have just resigned himself to the mercy of the river’s currents and let it take him away…

He couldn’t even wear his usual clothes because of the situation… For the first time in who knows how many centuries, he was stuck wearing jeans… Diavolo even bought him several plaid shirts... (which he was not happy with btw because his brother wouldn’t stop making fun of the “new” him)

He had his own tent of decent-size, enough to move around in but nothing to write home about. The very fact he didn’t have to share was a luxury in itself, so he took it for what it was worth...

He spent a good portion of the trip focused on two things: keeping Diavolo happy and everybody else alive. He rarely left camp unless forced to; he just wanted to get it all over with as soon as possible…

If he did leave, it was because Diavolo would drag him along to fish or hike. He was... less than pleased to be called out of his tent at the crack of dawn or well past dusk to sit on a little rented fishing boat with Diavolo… but he didn’t exactly pick his friends so...

He rates the trip Too Much Trouble/10. Let’s never do it again.

Mammon

Wasn’t a massive fan of being stuck out in the wild, but Satan told him some made-up bullshit about buried treasure out in the forest and got him HOOKED. He even borrowed stole a whole bunch of mining/digging equipment just for the occasion!

He spent most of the car ride asking, “Are we there yet??” like a child. The MC had to step in to keep Lucifer from leaving him on the side of the road at multiple points during the journey...

He was one of the utterly useless ones when it came to setting up camp. Someone charged him with putting up the twin’s tent, and he spent thirty minutes reading (then re-reading) the instructions while shouting expletives. Poor Simeon had to shield Luke from the vulgarity…

He has to share a tent with Levi, which neither of them liked. Mammon mainly because of Levi’s “old fish stink” and Levi because he feared catching “Mammon’s stupid.”

He was all jazzed up to go digging from Day One, though. He’d have breakfast, grab his shovel, then wander out into the middle of nowhere to go dig holes in the ground…

He also got completely lost on Day One, and it took the MC summoning him with their pact to return him to the group... By that time, he was filthy and somehow looked like he had been castaway for days (even though he was gone for like, three hours?)

When he stubbornly refused to stop digging, Lucifer resorted to just tying a rope around his ankle and letting him loose. It was up to Mammon to get back to camp before dinner, or else Lucifer would yank him back like he was on a leash.

Satan waited until the last day to finally tell Mammon the treasure was bullshit, and he was PISSED. He even threw Satan into the river, which resulted in the rest of the brothers joining in for a swim while the two tried to “playfully” drown each other.

He’d rate this trip 0/10 because he didn’t get any buried treasure. What a ripoff…

Leviathan

Hated the idea with a burning, seething passion. There’s no internet, cable, electricity, or phone signal out in the middle of nowhere! How the heck is an otaku supposed to survive?!

He clung to his electronics during the car ride until either they ran out of signal or their battery died, then he didn’t know what to do with himself… He resorted to reading several volumes of the manga he stuffed into his bag and clung to the MC for emotional support…

Yet another useless soul trying to put the camp together. He was in charge of his and Mammon’s tent but ended up almost crying in frustration… How the hell do humans do this all on their own?? Wasn’t he supposed to be the third strongest?! Why is he so pathetic?!? 😫

Hates sharing a tent with Mammon because he always wakes up to the second born encroaching on his space somehow… Poor baby is pretty much directly against the tent wall and STILL has to deal with legs and elbows in his side... 😰

Spends the majority of the trip moping in the tent... If he goes out there, he has to deal with the sun, bugs, and people… No thanks. He only leaves for meals and occasionally to go swimming.

When he found out part of the way through that Barbs brought portable solar panels and a battery pack for Diavolo and Lucifer’s phones, he was livid. He demanded access to the power source, which Lucifer refused because “It would defeat the purpose of this trip.”

He’d have summoned Lotan right then and there, deadass in the middle of the forest, if the MC hadn’t intervened. He then went back to moping, but now at the bottom of the lake and it took a lot of coaxing to get him back out…

On the final day, he was packing up the camp before anyone else even woke up. He wanted OUT and back to civilization ASAP. Bedroom here he comes!

Satan

You wouldn’t think of Satan as an outdoorsy guy. Still, he has shades of a survivalist in him (mostly because he’s read a lot of guides and was looking for an excuse to use them for a loooong time).

He read for the majority of the ride. He was squished between Asmo and Levi, which was reasonably peaceful. But he did end up shouting at Mammon quite a bit towards the end because “NO, we’re not there yet, peabrain!!”

He actually wasn’t a waste of space when setting up the camp, and between him, Barbs, and Lucifer, they were able to get a lot of stuff set up before sundown. He did have to bark a few orders to the others here and there, but overall competency won out in the end.

He shared a tent with Asmo, and the two made it work well enough… Except when Asmo did things like spraying his perfumes and dry shampoos, making it practically impossible to breathe in for a few minutes…

Spent a lot of the first few days reinforcing the camp to a ridiculous degree.

Did he have to collect large branches to build an exterior fence around the campsite? No. But he did.

Did he have to set up a water distillation system using some of the materials Barbs had lying around the “kitchen?” No. But he did.

Did he have to weave a series of fishing nets to catch them lunch from the lake and river? I think you get the point by now.

Only once he built pretty much every contraption or improvement he could think of, did he go back to just reading and relaxing by the fire.

By the time the group was ready to leave, Satan had somehow managed to craft them a veritable, self-sustaining fortress in the middle of the Alaskan wilds…

Overall he would rate the trip as… meh. Next time give him a challenge like a deserted island or an actual desert, and then he’ll really see what he can do.

Asmodeus

Was about as unhappy with the idea as Levi was… It wasn’t that he disliked the outdoors per se, it was just that no one, NO ONE, pulls off looking flawless after several days stuck in a tent!

He chatted the entire car ride from start to finish. He never stopped talking. It made for decent background noise at least…

Was one of the more clueless ones when trying to set up camp and pretty just did what he was ordered. The second he was left to try and figure something out on his own, he went to Lucifer or Satan for help because NOPE. Human equipment is needlessly complicated sometimes…

He had to share a tent with Satan, which in theory shouldn’t have been that bad, but Satan was out basically all day in the sun doing who knows what and would always come back sweaty and gross! At some points, he had to chase his brother out of the tent until he dunked himself in the river or something. No way was Asmo sleeping next to that. 😤

Asmo took the second-longest to get up and get ready in the morning. Sometimes he wouldn’t even leave the tent until well past breakfast just in an attempt to salvage his hair and skin… He only got grouchier about it as the trip went on… 😥

A more… earthy looking Asmo is kind of a bizarre sight. He’s still attractive, no doubt, but it’s less like polished glamour and more like Hollywood humble. He spent the majority of the trip looking like a somewhat dirtied movie-star (which he still insisted was the worst he’s ever looked in ages).

Aside from salvaging his looks, he actually enjoyed taking pictures of their surroundings or of the group (but not himself). He sometimes forgot how genuinely breathtaking the human world could be…

….but his patience for the place wore out quickly once he started noticing his hair getting greasy. He was right next to Levi, packing up the site once it was finally time to leave. At least those two finally found something they could agree on, let’s get the fuck out already!

Beelzebub

He was really curious about trying camping food and pretty excited that Barbatos was coming, too (because that meant great food in general).

Unfortunately, Lucifer had to stop the van at basically every gas station they passed for Beel could refill on snacks… Belphie ended up getting buried in wrappers pretty often, but he was asleep, so it didn’t matter much.

Beel did a lot of the heavy lifting when setting the camp up, but the finer details were left up to everybody else. He had his hands full getting stuff off the cars as is…

Of course, he shared a tent with Belphie, and there wasn’t much complaint between them. Honestly, there would have been more drama if they were split, so this was the better option.

After the MC told Beel about fishing and how it could net him more food, if he did it right, he knew exactly what he wanted to do during the trip.

… But no one told him how long and slow the process would be. There were points he’d get so hungry he’d consider eating the bait himself…

That was until about Day Three of the trip when they passed by a river full of grizzly bears… He was about to ask the MC why the bears were all standing in the water, but then he saw a fish practically leap directly into one’s mouth…

Beel had discovered his true calling.

Of course, the grizzlies didn’t take too kindly to a demon suddenly sprinting into the water with them. They tried to fight him off, but Beel just tossed most of them downstream without any issue until they realized who the apex predator really was…

After forming a shaky truce with the bears, Beel would stand in the water for hours then come back with whole baskets full of salmon… There were far more fish than Barbatos knew what to do with, so he’d just confiscate a few then let Beel eat the rest...

The MC shuddered to think about what Beel had done to the local salmon population… But he was full and happy for most of the trip, so he had a great time!

Belphegor

Sleep for him isn’t too contingent on location, so the idea of camping wasn’t terrible. It did sound like a lot of hassle for no good reason, though…

He spent the entire car ride asleep, head and cow pillow pressed up against the window and everything. It wasn’t the most comfortable experience, but he’d dealt with worse.

He was utterly useless when putting up the camp by choice, thank you. He had more than enough sense to get things put together; he just didn’t want to. If he wasn’t asked to do something by Beel or the MC, he’d just lay back in the grass and smugly watch everybody else struggle…

Again, he and Beel are in the same tent, and you wouldn’t hear any complaints out of him. He did start to have some second thoughts when Beel began getting a fishy smell, though, so he tried to bunk with the MC in their tent for a while.

Like Levi, Belphie didn’t leave the tent much during the daylight hours, but that was because he was still asleep… There was no good way to wake him with no alarms available, so he’d sleep in past lunch easily.

When he was awake, he didn’t leave camp very much except to walk with the MC or watch Beel fishing grizzly-style.

Eventually, Asmo and Diavolo got sick of him dodging their photos, so they’d started posing him Weekend at Bernie’s style around the camp (always conveniently propped up by something and with sunglasses on)

Something Belphie did like, however, was the nighttime. Since there were no lights around, he could practically see everything the sky had to offer. He could spend hours laying on his back long after everyone else had gone to bed just admiring the stars.

All in all, not a terrible trip. Anything that could give him that view like that was well worth it. 6/10, would sleep again.

Click HERE for Part Two. Check out my Masterlist for more!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #thank y'all so so much #you're fantastic

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mgsapphire · 3 years

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Ethics and morality... and how they're not the same...

Weird title, and I don't even know if I'll properly approach this one with all the topics I wish to this discuss in today's The Devil Judge essay, because a lot of things peaked my interest, I was debating on doing a separate post for each subject, but I'll do them all in here:

Starting simple

I know we're only 4 episodes in, but I want to break down the things that I often look for in a new show:

Cinematography

Soundtrack

Character building

Plot devices

Social commentary (sometimes)

Of course, these are things most people would consider basics, but I find that a lot of TV shows don't have enough balance in them. Also, cinematography and soundtrack are pretty up there for me because when a plot gets slow, or something like that, I stay for those two (biggest example: King Eternal Monarch).

The soundtrack in The Devil Judge is amazing and the cinematography can be a character of its own. They really get me hooked and are used as tools to properly tell a story. And I'll get into that further down this post.

The onlooker will never understand the actor

Experience is your best friend not only applies to job hunting, but it's true in the real world too. You can't truly weigh in on something unless you've experienced it yourself, you can give it your judgment and everything, but when bad things happen to someone, you'll never truly understand their pain. Am I bringing up because of the difference of mind in Judge Kang and Judge Kim's opinions? On how the public treated the minister's son? No. I'm talking about a very specific scene, where the cinematography told me to think that way and not the dialogue (it's that easy for my mind to be swayed). In episode 3, when the rich are about to dine right after the foundation's commercial for a better future, we see this aerial shot:

What's interesting about this? The seclusion and the enclosed feeling it conveys as a counterpart to the poverty shots we were just shown. Yet, these are the people making ads for a better future, what do they know?

They live comfortably behind concrete walls with no windows to see what goes on apart from the bubble they live in. This idea is further enforced at the party in episode 4, where they're not even a part of the donations, and watch and mock from afar as spectators. Yet, these people call the shots. They even call it commenting, as if they were watching the pain of others on TV.

The intriguing personality and the duality it encites

Now, this was a costume and wardrobe decision, but it was also very well thought of:

Judge Kim wears white and Judge Kang wears black. One is morally perceived by viewers of the show as morally good and the other is perceived as morally dubious at best. However, besides the costume and wardrobe thought put into this, we also have to think about the delivery of this scene and how it may further affect my detailing of this section. Judge Kang brings down the coats, and hangs over the coat to Judge Kim, he's the one who is making that annotation: You're pure, I'm tainted. This can have one of two interpretations:

Either Judge Kang believes Judge Kim to be pure and innocent due to his status as a rookie in the field

Or he believes Judge Kim to be morally white and himself morally black as he's looking at his brother's face and not at Judge Kim's heart.

Because most of the back story we're unveiling is through Judge Kim's perception, there's also an inherit bias we're having as well, because in Judge Kim narrative, he believes he's doing what's right and believes Judge Kang to be evil. In being served information about Judge Kang through Judge Kim's eyes, our bias is inherently skewed.

Another thing is that, when they put on the coat, they're standing in front of the other, as if the producers of this series are telling us they're two sides of the same coin.

The duality is made in more deceitful ways, which include:

A difference of classes that implies one has suffered while the other has not.

A difference of experience that implies one is more tainted while the other is pure.

A difference of age that implies one is a sly fox while the other one is is bunny about to be eaten.

A difference of temper that makes one erratic and the other logical.

Power dynamics

This one, in this one I could make a whole thesis based on just a couple of scenes in the drama. And you know I have to mention it: director Jung being the puppeteer.

It may not be as unexpected at first, nevertheless it brings forward a lot of things I've wished to touch upon for quite some time now. A woman being a puppeteer of an old man in the portrayed dystopia that The Devil Judge is painting makes much more sense than more common demonstrations of these dynamics where it's either a:

A man of power being controlled by a bigger man of power.

A man of power being controlled by a seemingly man of a lower status.

A woman being controlled by a man of power.

Although, there's nothing wrong with those power dynamics, and if they were to be used, a message could also be conveyed, this one in particular works as a megaphone.

A subversion of power in such a way can be interpreted as a true indication of the weak overcoming the powerful. Why? It is not that woman are naturally weaker than men, but that in society, patriarchy has been a big factor in taking voice away from women in order to give it to men.

In order for Director Jung to achieve her purposes, it's smarter for her to do it under the pretense that an old rich man in power is the one calling the shots.

This is better exemplified by her stance when the old man tries to excuse his behavior, and what her moral compass is. I'm not saying I agree with her unethical conduct, but that her morality is directly impacted by the perception of the public of her as a weak woman:

Just because a dog bites a human does the person get dirty?

This is telling on how she perceives the actions of the old man in gropping the waitress. She didn't do anything wrong, even if you touched her, you are the dirty one.

While she's evil, it's a refreshing and deep evil.

The public's opinion and how there's actually logic in the show's portrayal

The public opinion can make or break a person, even if it's not on a public trial like this. While "cancel culture" barely works in today's society, a person's reputation is forever tainted. The show does tell that, but it also exhibits the scary downside of it, by showing how easily it was to make people accept flaggelation as a fitting punishment.

There are many experiments that have tried to test the effect of societal pressure on an individual's decision and the effect of the authority's enforcement of power in the outcome of these decisions. Furthermore, theories based on analysis of human behavior not necessarily relying on experiments can also help break this down. What do I mean? Here's a small attempt at explaining:

Milgram Experiment on Authority: which measured the individual willingness to carry out actions that go against their conscience due to an authority's approval.

Argument from Authority; The idea that people are more likely to use an authority's opinion on something as an argument for their reason. This is often seen in science, where trusted authorities have done the research and offer it to the public. In here, authority bias also plays a role, as we often believe, at first, that an authority must be right.

Moral disengagement: basically speaking, because this is evil or bad, I'm not part of it and I most probably am not actively participating in it. One may disengage by moral justification, which means that before engaging in something that has been previously perceived as immoral, I'm changing my stance on it based on what I tell myself to be logical arguments. This particular form of moral disengagement is very effective in changing the public opinion. I'll be touching on another form further down this post.

Other factors played a part, but these ones in particular came to mind when public flagelation as a form of corporeal punishment was wildly accepted. First, an authority is the one telling them it's correct, to go ahead. Secondly, another authority (the minister) had previously shown approval to such unusual punishment. Thirdly, they are not the ones to be engaging directly in the act, and even if they were, it would be acceptable because an authority has told them so. They may even believe the punishment to be a necessary evil for the greater good.

In fact, the minister's son was actually correct when pleading his case, they were accepting it because it wouldn't affect them directly.

Regarding the cinematographic descent of the public opinion regarding the situation can better be exemplified by the old man we've seen through the episodes.

Does suffering justify misdeeds?

Today I came along the difference between excuse and reason. You may give a reason for your behavior, but it doesn't excuse it.

Not because I've suffered through shit, means I have to make you suffer too.

I may explain myself, but it's on the other side to excuse me.

Why I hate the unreliable narrator and why I love it so much

This story has been told mostly through the eyes of Judge Kim and what he hears and sees regarding Judge Kang, if anything, the narrative is very close to that of the narrative we've seen in The Great Gatsby. An enigmatic man is being narrated to us from the eye of a man who hasn't known him for a long time.

How is that an unreliable narrator? The narrator has their own set of bias and moral standards which function as lenses through which they see the world.

Another way of putting it would be the way teenage romances are often written in a first person narrative where either of the two teenagers is the narrator, so the author can sell to us something as simple as offering a pack of gum as the most romantic act on earth. We're perceiving interactions through rose tainted glasses.

In this case, we're seeing the interactions through Judge Kim's eyes who doesn't trust Judge Kang from the get go due to his own preset bias.

The narrative becomes even more unreliable as we're not exactly sure if what Judge Kang disclosed himself is a fact.

The reason why I love this narrative is because it leaves a lot of space to make simple plot twists to a narrative and make them seem grand, and can elongate a story without making it obvious.

The reason why I hate it is because sometimes, in tv shows mostly, we as viewers can see the other side of the story and grow increasingly frustrated with the main character's prejudice and misunderstandings (I'm looking at you my beloved Beyond Evil).

Also, because I have to wait for a long time before I actually have a clear picture of it.

#kdrama #kdramas #kdrama recommendations #analysis #rant #the devil judge #got7 #park jinyoung #ji sung #kdrama meta #kdrama quotes #kdrama analysis #meta #the great gatsby #kim min jung #please dont let this flop

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elias-rights · 3 years

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Since my analysis post is still regrettably a work in progress, here's something more lighthearted: a semi-comprehensive list of my Jonah headcanons. Some I have talked about here; others are only known to me.

He wears sock garters. We should just assume this to be canon at this point.

The reason why he loves paperwork and scheduling (I know I have made at least three separate posts about it; I just care about him a lot) is the sense of control and predictability of it. It started as a coping mechanism, you could say.

As a young man, he was made to study Paradise Lost. He found it resonated with him to a simultaneously comforting and uncomfortable degree. He doesn't really read poetry nowadays, but he allows himself the sentimentality of keeping his leather-bound copy in his bedroom.

He and Barnabas knew each other from a young age (their relationship was one of codependence, though unbeknownst to Barnabas it was far less so on Jonah's part), and a small part of Jonah was relieved when he died in the Lonely. He felt that to properly carve himself a future he needed to outgrow the relationships that weighed him down.

His favourite cake is Sachertorte.

He likes to establish bets and wagers about inconsequential stuff with Peter just for fun. He enjoys the pretence of losing when the secret joke only he is in on is that he was correct all along.

He can't be said to enjoy exercise; it makes him forget that “his” body is something he is controlling and puppeteering around for his benefit. However, he occasionally visits the gym for the health benefits.

He definitely had a traumatic encounter with an entity in his youth; otherwise, he wouldn't have been interested in hearing Smirke's theories. He rarely, if ever at all, told anyone about it, even those who would have believed him. He wanted it to make sense, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that if he opened up he'd be misunderstood in a way he couldn't refute.

His favourite composer is Johann Sebastian Bach.

He can cook quite well, though in practice he rarely strays from a few practical recipes. He's both creative and patient.

When he was young, he had a lot of restless energy that made him pace back and forth and gesture vividly with his hands (unless he was deliberately restraining himself, which was often, but even then his eyes often betrayed that energy if one looked closely). Between being two centuries old and puppeteering other people's bodies around, his movements are a lot more languid and precise now.

He's hot. Every single one of his bodies, including his original, was hot.

The “seeing and not comprehending” aspect of the Beholding really comes into play in his understanding of his emotions, and has since he was young (and it is, in fact, not directly related to his evilness or monstrosity). He's aware of them, but he intellectualizes them to the point that his awareness of his feelings is more immediate to him than the feelings themselves.

He met Simon before his first bodyhop. At first, he was somewhat intimidated by him, this odd stranger, but after getting to know him he started getting into philosophical debates with him (“nothing in life matters and the world is an empty canvas where you can *make* things matter” vs. “nothing in life matters and any attempt to make them matter is futile, which is fine”). He later deemed it pointless and stopped engaging.

Very sparingly, he plays those 2048-style games. He likes combining many tiles at once; it's satisfying.

#mine #him #elias bouchard #jonah magnus

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midorree · 3 years

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How (I Think) Quirk-based Discrimination Works In BNHA

I've seen a lot of claims about how people interpret the quirk-based discrimination from an ableism allegory (not quite) to actually comparing it to Jim Crow laws, which is completely out of pocket. Quirk based discrimination in BNHA is very unique, especially with quirks not existing for very long in the grand scheme of things. Trying to compare it to existing forms of discrimination (that, mind you, exist in the fucking show) is simply put, not accurate in the slightest. Racism has existed for long enough for it to be embedded into our everyday lives and systems. Ableism has existed long enough that it affects how we view disabled people as people and how doctors view their disabled patients. Quirk-based discrimination has not.

PART 1: Comparing and Contrasting: Ableism

I've had this conversation a couple times with my friends, and typically we find that ableism doesn't match up with qbd. First and foremost, let's define a disability.

[Image ID: disability: a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities. A disadvantage or a handicap, especially one imposed or recognized by the law. End Image ID]

Quirkless people do not meet this standard definition unless they are already disabled. Being quirkless does not limit movements, senses, or activities in any way shape or form. Being quirkless is not a hindrance in every day life when it comes to these specific criteria.

But why would people thing that being quirkless is the same as being disabled? Let's take a look at accommodations and accessibility.

In the BNHA universe, quirks have existed for long enough that people with mutation quirks that alter their body significantly can comfortably buy clothes as seen with Shoji in some occasions.

[Image ID: Shoji is wearing baggy, patterned pants tucked into laced boots and is wearing a tank top. End ID]

He is able to buy shirts with bigger sleeve holes rather than having to fix his clothing so that he may be able to wear it himself. This is also seen with UA making a uniform so that he can fit without him having to work excessively for it.

[Image ID: Shoji wearing UA uniform. The uniform has no sleeves. End ID]

Why does this matter? Because Shoji is a perfect example of how small accommodations for people mutation quirks exists idly in the BNHA universe. Everyone has a different quirk and require different accommodations, and with Quirkless people, when it comes to buying clothes, or walking up steps, or going comfortably to a restaurant it's never a problem! Assuming they are able-bodied/neurotypical, they truly won't have a problem with getting by in day to day life.

However, there is one thing I will say is similar to ableism in this aspect: how doctors would treat quirkless people. With the opening episodes/chapters of BNHA we see firsthand how a doctor treats a child who is quirkless. Uncaring, cold, and straight to the point as to let them down as hard as they can saying "you might as well get used to it." The doctor had little to no belief that Izuku would become a hero, saying that he should pursue other careers instead. It's not a perfect match up, but I'd say in my personal experience it's pretty similar.

PART 2: Racism in BNHA

I'm not going to dwell long on this one because it's frankly very tone deaf and not very thought out to be comparing qbd to actual racism.

[Image ID: White text on a black background that states: What was worse, he would now be forces to keep his family from visiting or even living in America. It was never talked about openly, but the way quirkless were treated in the States came very close to how they handled different races with the Jim Crow laws of the past. He would never subject his Izuku to that kind of hatred. End Image ID]

There's a lot to unpack here, but let me preface this by saying this: qbd and centuries upon centuries of racial discrimination are not the same thing, especially considering racism exists in the show/manga itself. Big Yikes.

Let's start by defining what Jim Crow laws were.

[Image ID: Jim Crow laws were a collection of state and local statutes that legalized racial segregation. Named after a Black minstrel show character, the laws—which existed for about 100 years from the post-Civil War era until 1968—were meant to marginalize African Americans by denying them the right to vote, hold jobs, get an education or other opportunities. Those who attempted to defy Jim Crow laws often faces arrest, fines, jail sentences, violence and death. End Image ID]

So lets make a hypothetical and say quirkless people were treated like this. Okay, what would be an identifying factor in discrimination? Would quirkless people have to tell employers their quirk status? Possibly. Would the right to vote be revoked? Due to what? Would they be held back in educational places? Why would they be?

There are too many unanswered questions as to why these things would happen. The Jim Crow laws happened due to white entitlement after the enslavement of an entire race. Qbd happens because of inherent power dynamics (which I will get into later), and while racial discrimination has that factor, it has existed way longer and is more prevalent in society. What if a quirkless person was a quirkless person of color? Think on that.

There are also heroes of color that exist in the show, and racist caricatures of people of color.

[Image ID: Pro Hero: Native with a shocked expression and some sweat dripping down his face. End Image ID]

This fucker right here.

The BNHA universe has existing racism in and out of canon, seeing as the black/brown characters are underrated outside of the show, and microaggressed within the show.

PART 3: Kacchan vs Deku 3: How Did Deku Being Quirkless Affect Their Relationship And Why?

The line "not all men are created equal" really stuck with me while writing and thinking about this meta. Deku has understood and worked through social dynamics and understandings since he was four years old. He's understood that since he's quirkless, people with quirks hold power over him that he can't defend himself against. He understands this, and chooses to roll with the punches.

Bakugou also very much understands how social dynamics work, and chooses to use it to his advantage. He bullies Deku as a boast of power rather than a boast of privileged. It's been drilled into young Katsuki's head that quirkless people are weak, and that he is strong, His teachers are seen encouraging this behavior and the adults around him tend to not view him as a person, but as an existing beam of potential. Propaganda probably exists even in his Sunday cartoons. The strongest people he looks up to all have quirks, and he makes that correlation of quirk = strong at a very young age. He learns that quirkless ≠ strong. A part of me feels like this is intentional.

Izuku being quirkless would put him at the bottom of the food chain, in a sense, and anyone who had a quirk would be listened to more than he ever would. Izuku learned that not all men are equal because of the inherent power dynamics that come with having the ability to fly, or create explosions, or use fucking fire and ice on command, because he realizes he will never be stronger than Kacchan (at least for now). Even Izuku's idols who he considered to be strong and amazing and admirable were people with quirks. People with power over him.

When Izuku got OFA, the playing field shifted, and Katsuki was afraid and confused. Just because Izuku got a quirk, that doesn't mean Katsuki's view on quirkless people changed. We don't know if it did because its never addressed. He has made significant character development and is working to atone with Deku, but would that still happen if Deku had stayed quirkless? We don't know.

PART 4: Conclusion

The BNHA fandom has a lot of views on how qbd might work, but these are just my thoughts. These are all my opinions and if you'd like to add something feel free to! I just hate the fact that qbd is being compared to actual racism when that just doesn't apply and wanted to weigh in my two cents. Qbd, in my opinion, is all about power dynamics and how easily that can be abused.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero acadamia #bnha meta #izuku midoriya #bakugou katsuki #this is my first time making a meta lmao #mha #pinned it bc im proud of this

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azazelsconfessional · 3 years

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((so i was gonna open up my askbox again but I got distracted doing this and watching streams i think idr what i did the past few hours, buuut there's something I need to cover first, especially since there are so many new people around! Hello! Especially since so many of you are playing OCs/MCs.

Don't worry, it's a tip to hopefully help you along! It may get a little long, especially as I try and provide examples. . .but hopefully it'll help.

I'm gonna talk a lot about OCs but this applies to canon characters too a bit. It certainly helps.

Tl;dr, you should have a character profile page.

(also remember that tumblr mobile doesn't really have direct access to Pages made with the Pages function on desktop, so you'll have to link them manually in your pinned or description or host them on another site(I used Google Docs in the apst) or in a regular post(this makes it very easy to lose as a forewarning) for maximum accessibility!)

(rules pages are also really really handy if you have alot of resteictions.)

So, in general, OCs have a bit of a lower reception rate in rp. Idk if that'll be the case here with MCs because they're, well, the main character. Housamo is also a series that lends itself well to OCs pretty well, especially non-human ones, but I figured I'd warn for that.

BUT. That doesn't mean you shouldn't play an OC! It just means there are things you need to keep in mind!

Think of all of the OCs you've seen--you all seem to be fun and wonderful people, and your characters are surely interesting. But. . .if you don't tell anybody about them, nobody will know what's going on or where to start, which makes asking questions a little hard, right? That's easier to work around with MC characters--we've played the game, we know the story, we know the characters, so we can figure out questions fairly easily based on that alone and go from there.

But with other OCs, especially those that don't represent charactera from mythology or fiction like many other characters in housamo do, there's like. Nowhere to start. We may see a face or some dialogue, but otherwise we don't have a frame of reference.

That's where a profile comes in!

Azazel-mun, I don't want to share all of the info about my character at once!

What if I don't know everything about my OC yet and want to figure it out along thw way?

The profile doesn't have to be super detailed! At most it shoule include things like the character's name and age and probably things like their location, profession, grade in school or place of work, etc., and anything you'd notice on the surface like their apperance. It's never a bad thing to include a description of their personality too, or a small section about their history/background. Little things that even you should probably know, too.

You can also section your profile off a bit into things like "surface info," "meta info," "things you could easily figure out about them," etc. That way, no one can spoil themself. Making lists like this can help you think these things through if you haven't already as well.

Let's use Azazel, a character that you probably know already, as an example here. I don't have a profile set

Name: Azazel

Species: Fallen Angel; Capra Therian - an anthropomorphic Goat (?)

Gender(pronouns): Male(he/him)

Age: difficult to calculate; several thousand years old?

Apperance age: hard to say, he's not human. Adult.

Origins: banished from his home world of Eden, has been in the human world for several thousand years

Profession: Priest of dubious denomination, most likely Catholic or Protestant; teacher at Daikanyama Academy; de facto head of the Missionaries Non-Profit charity Organization; supervisor of the Aoyama Missionaries

Role & Rule: Watcher; Revelation - allows him to see anything within the territory of the Aoyama Missionaries and anywhere the pages of his Artifact see

Apperance: Azazel is a 5'10"(180cm) tall, anthropomorphic goat of ambiguous breed, with fawn fur all over his body and lighter fur on his head and around his neck. He has brown, riged horns which curve out and back. Though his eyes are often closed, when opened they're red. He always carried around a leather bound bible with an eye on the cover, and is never seen without several chains on his person, although only the one(s) around his neck can be seen unless he's undressed.

He wears a black priest's cassock with a maroon sash and a capelet of the same color, with the same eye as on his bible on the shoulders of the cape, and brown dress shoes. The front of the robe is always open to expose his bare chest and the chains beneath.

Personality: Azazel is kind and doting, very fitting of both a teacher and priest, although his openly flirtatious, lustful, and secretive nature causes others to distrust him. He doesn't mind this at all. He has a strong adoration for humans, and values love in all of its forms more than anything. He's a bit of a passive person, often being unmotivated but working hard regardless, and seems to prefer to watch others and the world go by, although he won't decline most invitations to take part in it. He is always aware of anything that happens within the extensive territory of the Missionaries, and seems to know and see just about everything about anyone he meets, from their surface to their soul. . . .

If you know Azazel, or take note of some of the wording or question marks, you'll note I didn't explain everything(although I may have shared more than you want to.) This is just a bare bones exampe of how I do my profiles--but it can get even more bare!

I'll do two this time, a more vague version of Azazel's, and another that obscures information all together, using the same or a similar format to the above.

Name: Azazel

Species: anthropomorphic goat

Gender(pronouns): male (he/him)

Age: unquestionably an adult

Origins: Eden

Profession: Priest; teacher; head of a charity NPO; member of the Missionaries

Apperance: Horned goatman of slightly above average human height. Light brown fur, blond fur-hair, red eyes. Wears priest robes and a gold chain around his neck and chest. Carries around a bible with an eye on it?

Personality: Kind of eerie, but friendly and affectionate. A little flirtatious, especially towards humans. Seems to know everything about people for some reason?

Compare it to the one before--see how I've left even more things off or left things ambiguous while still sharing what's necessary or surface level? However, it's also not as engaging or as informative as the other one where I gave more information.

As someone who plays him, profiles like this aren't as helpful for me lol since he knows so much about everyone and everything, having a lot of details helps me play my character!

Now, as helpful as this is, this is also a character you probably know. So how about I do this with an OC? Normally I'm extremely detailed in my profiles and such, especially for OCs, sharing headcanons and ideas for relationships between characters. But, again, I'll try and show how you can show some info while leaving some up to people to ask about to later be filled in.

Name: Kezia

Faceclaim/Art Source: [this is where you would put where you get the art for any icons you use--if you draw it yourself, say so; if you use official art from a series, credit the name of the character and the series; if you use picrews, link the specific picrews. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PERMITTED TO USE. DO NOT STEAL ART. IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE CREDIT, ASK SOMEONE TO HELP YOU, DO NOT JUST SAY THAT IT ISN'T YOURS. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN GIVEN PERMISSION TO USE OR THAT ISN'T FROM A SERIES OF SOME SORT.]

Species: Human

Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)

Age: mid 20's~early 30's?

Apperance age: older than she looks?

Origins: Tokyo?

Profession: Professor; Witch

Apperance: A fidgety woman who looks older than she is. She looks anxious and confused as often as she looks curious and confident. Wavy light brown hair. Often carries around schoolbooks and is never alone, always with a Rattus Therian and often with a Nyarlathotep.

Personality: seemingly anxious, but curious and exploratative nonetheless. On the awkward side, but can still keep up with the Nyarls that accompany her. Gets into trouble when she gets ahead of herself in exploring and learning about the arcane, but her Rule allows her to disappear easily.

History: Has always been curious about magic and attempted to run through a Gate when they began to open up. Performed a summon and brought a certain transients to Tokyo and recieved her familiar and the magic to use her Rule as a result. Currently teaches at a college. She stumbled into a certain someone while attempting to explore time, and became a fan ever since.

That tells you a fair amount, doesn't it? Even for someone you don't know? It may even raise some questions that you could ask. At the same time, it doesn't tell you that much, and that can be as much of a hindrance for coming up with questions as saying too much can. It's really up to you what's too much and too little. Here's a more detailed version! Some things have been left vague or confusing in such a way that they could be filled in after being revealed through asks and play. That way, people are encouraged to/given ideas of what to ask--and you can still share things in the long run.

Name: Kezia

Faceclaim/Art Source: [N/A]

Species: Human

Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)

Age: mid 20's~early 30's?

Apperance age: somewhere in her 30's, maybe even a little older

Origins: Tokyo, with some sort of connection to at least one other world

Profession: Professor of [?] at [?] Academy; Witch

Role & Rule: [?] & [?]

Artifact, Summon, Familiar?: Always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and some sort of man-rat? She also carries around a book that's labeled as a Grimoire, but it's rare for someone to be both a summon-user and an Artifact-user. . . .

Apperance: A fidgety older woman wearing a labcoat and a witch's hat. She looks quite stressed and has trouble sitting still. Her ashy brown hair is thin and a little wavy, with some strands of gray. Although she often squints, she doesn't wear glasses. She carries around a lot of books relating to maths and sciences and one labeled 'Grimoire' decorated with arcane symbols from Gehenna and Old Ones. She's always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and a very short, bearded man who can best be described as a brown rat therian with a human-like face. Sometimes there's a normal rat on her person or in her pockets.

Personality: Kezia is a fidgety and anxious magic practitioner. She's very curious about other worlds and has been since the Gates appeared in this Tokyo since she was a child, however she has been pursuing magic before then. She often appears somewhat confused about or fascenated by even her usual surroundings, but, at other times moves through the world with confidence even in unfamiliar territory. She also likes rats and other rodents, and as such will often avoid felines and birds of prey. She has a tendency to disappear, seeming to walk through walls despite assuredly being alive.

She's a little bit awkward with people, but somehow keeps up with Nyarlathoteps nonetheless. She's a good teacher, once she figures out how to explain things in ways others can understand easily, but can be a bit difficult to follow and flighty up until then. Aware of this, she's rather patient, if a little down on herself at times. However, she most often simply has her mind elsewhere. Despite this and the company she keeps, she's relatively sane. . .most of the time.

She shares a name with a witch from the world of Old Ones who made a pact with Nyarlathotep, believing him to be the Devil. . .and the ratman always at her side uses the same name as that witch's familiar as well. It's. . .probably just a coincidence. . .who would rightfully make a pact with Nyarlathotep?

History: Kezia is an adult human from this Tokyo before the apperance of the Gates and construction of the Walls. She's explored various witchcraft pursuits since she was a child, with what was originally a mere imaginative curiosity and fascination. After the arrival of the Gates when she was still young, she snuck over the fences built around one and attempted to go inside the massive pillar of light, which she attributes to the reason she often seems to struggle with her vision. Several years later, she performed a successful summon and she recieved her familiar, Brown Jenkin, transformed into a somewhat therian form from one of her pet rats, and was given some powers from Nyarlathotep. She has no discernable control over any of the chaotic creatures, however they seem to spend time around her regardless.

At present she's a professor of a subject that interests her at a certain college. She's had other dangerous run-ins due to her excitement over the arcane and "darker" arts, but doesn't seem to show any signs of stopping. However, after an incident in an attempt to explore time itself, she encountered a certain guardian of time and feels reluctant for once to explore it further. . .although she's become quite a big fan of his.

. . .i ran out of steam amd kinda lost track of where i was going. idk if that helped at all really. But maybe it did! I hope it did. You don't need to use any of those things exactly by any means, but that's the kind of thing you usually see in profile pages. Basics like someone's name and birthday and age and apperance and a little about their personality, maybe some history. Oftentimes things like powers and weapons and the like. Interests, hobbies, ways they could be intereacted with, etc. Just stuff that'd help you know the character.

I write everything in paragraph form, but everyone is more than welcome to use a more script format. I love making profiles, myself--it really helps to think about the character and details about them. Normally I make really, really detailed profiles, but maybe I'll try and be more simple about it this time around. depends on how i'm feeling.

I know this seems weirdly hypocritical given I don't have one but when I first made this blog there were like four of us including myself. I didn't see the need for a rules or profile page because I didn't anticipate that there'd be so many of us or, like, people from other fandoms or who aren't familiar with certain characters. I'll rectify that soon hopefully. But I figured I'd pass along this idea/knowledge to others.

. . .I'm gonna go reopen my askbox now. Feel free to send asks again, ask about this, etc! You can send me an IM too if you want. I'll properly close up the guest event tomorrow. I'm real tired rn lol so idk how much i'll get done, but i usually do things super late at night my time, so i have some time to pull my shit together haha))

#ooc #((anyway i'm gonna open the askbox and crawl into a hole))#((i got nothing done lol i was so engaged with something else all week))

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ontheblock · 3 years

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it’s my mental illness and i get to chose which character is vent through❗️❗️anyway, i have been struggling with writing the ending of the second part of my latest patrick hockstetter request and since this has been sitting in my notes for a hot minute, i decided to post it. enjoy this little story absolutely nobody asked for<3

night terrors

no warnings ig- maybe alcohol

Summer never really was plagued by night terrors the way Morty was haunted by them. Whenever she did have a bad dream as a little girl, her parents let her cry it out unless she came to their room themselves. The rare times someone did come over was when Beth was blackout drunk and Jerry followed the soft wailing of his daughter to pet her head while he listened to her sob story of a nightmare. It never helped that Jerry basically coddled baby Morty whenever he woke up - a desperate attempt to even out the neglectful way they treated her first child because they were kids themselves. But all of Jerry‘s attempts were fruitless. Summer heard Morty whine and whimper almost every night through the drywall, even more so since Rick arrived. It was ironic for her to turn out fine with her mother’s neglectful ways. Jerry should’ve maybe considered listening to Beth more with Morty. Or maybe it was meant to be like this. Poor fucker. If his nightmares didn’t take form of bullies anymore it was definitely the looming danger of acid drooling monsters or aliens smart enough to conquer their planet if a self-proclaimed god in a lab coat fucked with them. Yeah, that sounded terrifying for a child. Or maybe the thing he feared most was more simple and childish - their grandfather who took out threats like that for breakfast. But tonight wasn’t a night like that. Summer didn’t wake up from Morty hitting his bedroom wall out of reflex. It was some faceless nightmare of her own that sent her lurching upright with a struggle for air. Whatever it was, she didn’t remember much aside from Jerry‘s face and a leathery hand reaching for her out of the black abyss surrounding her but she felt the aftermath of a sprinting heart and sweat sticking her tank top to her back. Her throat was dry enough to make her reach out to her empty bedside table. She never put a glass of water by her bed, but then again she never needed it.

Swiping back a stray hair, Summer pushed her blanket off to stand up on wobbly legs. She made her way over to the door, stepping over the creaky floorboard. The hallway was quiet but as she crept down the stairs, Summer noticed the flickering lights of the TV pouring out the living room. She had half the mind to blackmail Morty about watching TV on a school night but she definitely kept the info in the back of her mind for tomorrow’s breakfast as she avoided more creaky floorboards on her way to the kitchen. The moron even turned down the volume.

"Morty, I swear to god. Your nightly water trips are getting on my- on my last nerve."

Summer blinked once, twice to place the voice. The distinct alcoholic slur and the audible frown was familiar to her even in a sleepy state. And surely, it was Rick. Shuffling closer, Summer could peek over the couch‘s back to see her grandpa lounging in his oil stained wife beater, tinkering with a cube shaped hunk of metal. Like this she could see his hands at work, talented fingers coaxing loosened screws into their threads. He hissed a low "me cago en tu madre" when the phillips head slipped from the screw he was working on. Summer could make out the blue mesh of veins under the withered skin on the back of his hand. Rick really did have the hands of a worker - a mechanic or construction worker. They looked nothing like the office worker hands of Jerry, if he had even that. He seemed to sense her presence - if that was even possible - because his head turned to look at who he assumed to be Morty.

"Summer? What the fuck are you doing here?"

What was she doing here? She came for a glass of water but her throat was less parched now and something about her mysterious grandpa reeled her in like a damn fish. She took her bait and ran her clammy palm over the couch cushion by her grandpa‘s neck. "I woke up, obviously. I had a nightmare. No big deal." Her eyes pointedly stayed on Rick‘s hand holding a screwdriver or the coffee table with half a bottle of whiskey standing next to Rick‘s feet that he casually propped up onto the wood but she never met his gaze. Why was she even this honest? She could make some kind of excuse but it’s been months since her family showed interest in what she was doing. "Nightmare, huh?" Rick echoed her as if to taste the word on the tip of his tongue. Summer wondered if he had nightmares sometimes. She nodded, eyes finally flickering to his face. The TV casted lights and shadows on his old features. Right now he looked normal, not like that crazy scientist with a mean silver tongue that intimidated her the first time they met at the breakfast table. Summer was used to see the hollow green glow following Rick like a fucked up halo or even the zapping blue rays from devices that can both end and create wars. But now the angular features showed a different side. The soft studio lights of some late night show made him look like a regular addition to the family and it helped Summer release her tense shoulders for the first time in a while, like she didn‘t need to be sarcastic or indifferent all the time. A little voice in the back of her head told her that Morty could be his awkward idiotic self so why couldn’t she?

"Why are you up, grandpa?" She leaned her front against the couch back and kept her voice down just in case Morty did wake up again. "I‘m - bergh - well over the age of bed times. This piece of shit is m-more important." Rick averted his gaze and waved the cube in his hand. Summer hummed and reached for it only to have Rick shuffle it to his other hand and hold it out of reach. "Well, what is it? Can it, like, cause mass destruction or something? Or does it contain a totally freaky virus? Or—" Rick shushed his granddaughter and tossed the cube on the coffee table. "Calm your tits, Summer. It‘s- It‘s to cure Granorian crystals. The, the, the-" Rick rotated his hand as if to underline his search for the most simple explanation "-easiest planet to harvest them happens to have the most impure growth." His hand fell into his lap, the other one snatching the whiskey from the table. "You should go to bed. It’s Tuesday." Summer snorted but it sounded off. "Since when are you the responsible grandparent?"

"I‘m not." His gaze locked on the TV again and he knocked back a sip or two of liquor. "Just thought I get one night free of my annoying grandkids." Ouch. Rick delivered both praise and insults in the same gruff tone - not that he had many kind words to spare, save for Beth when he needed to get his way. "What do you need them for? Can’t you just get, yknow, earth crystals?" Rick belched after a deep gulp from the bottle and dismissively waved his free hand in Summer‘s general direction. "Don’t think about it. Do me- just do us a solid; go back to bed, Summer." Rick expected a bit of huffing and a snarky comment before Summer relented and went back upstairs but he saw her unmoving in his peripheral vision. Summer stared down at the couch cushion‘s seam as if it told her whatever kind of questions were important to a girl her age. Probably if that one guy in school liked her or not. Her fingers rubbed over a stain that looked like red wine her mother spilled last Christmas. "I don’t want to. It’s not like I can go back to sleep anyway. Not- It‘s not because of the dream or anything. Just-" Summer stumbled over her words to find any excuse that would save her the embarrassment of admitting she was a little scared to go back to sleep again. She bit the inside of her cheek when Rick cut her off with a long groan. "You really are Jerry‘s kid. You‘re- Y-You know dreams are just- bullshit hallucinatory experiences aaaaall the way up the hippocampus? It’s not- It’s imaginary, Summer. Just your dummy ape brain processing a bunch of shit while you’re asleep." Rick‘s tone was agitated while he gesticulated but he still scooted closer to the left, ultimately creating more space on the couch. Summer didn’t know where dreams came from, she wasn’t interested in it either but she silently rounded the couch to sit down next to her grandfather. Being this close, she would smell the faint whiskey breath and the Old Spice lingering around her. It was nice for once, calming even. "You know, I‘m not staying because I’m scared because that’s totally lame." Rick just grunted in some kind of indifferent agreement but Summer felt the need to clarify her decision even more. "I mean, it’s just a dream. I‘m not a loser like Morty. I don’t piss my own bed. That‘d be totally— gross." Summer turned back to Rick, fully expecting him to not even pay her any mind but when they locked eyes Summer finally shut her mouth. She never saw a look like this one on Rick‘s face. Not even around Morty - who was quite obviously his favorite grandchild and Summer reminded herself that she didn’t care about that.

Right now Rick‘s withered features looked almost soft even though the hard lines on his face didn’t even out at all. Maybe his resting face just looked mean like that - maybe he was frowning for so long that it became the default for Rick. But still, he looked almost fatherly. Summer‘s pathetic little attempt to look tough in front of the most powerful man she knew stirred something dead in his ribcage.

He remembered a tiny Beth sneaking into their old kitchen where Rick was fixing a leak in the sink. A single glance at his wrist watch told him it was time for Beth‘s nap because if Diane didn’t make her take one Beth would be tired and grumpy all evening. He tried to shoo her back to her room but only got a tantrum out of his daughter until he reluctantly set his task aside and laid down on the living room couch with Beth resting on his chest until Diane came back with their groceries.

"Yeah, sure. What - uhrp - Whatever." Rick looked back at the TV and Summer fell into his silence, her back sinking into the soft cushions. She barely followed the plot of whatever Rick was watching. It looked like some 70s war movie with bad explosions and subpar camera quality. Rick didn’t seem to be the type for nostalgia so it probably just happened to be on at this time of night. The dull colors made her lashes feel heavy again and she let her eyes roam the coffee table Rick still used as his footrest. The cube laid by his foot, forgotten until Rick needed to purify his drugs alien crystals. The whisky bottled left a wet little spot on the wood that she knew Rick wouldn’t wipe away. Jerry wanted to replace the table for a week now. Morty‘s latest comics were scattered on the other side of the table. He always left them in the living room because the idiot just has to get distracted two pages in. An unfamiliar pack of Newport Reds Non-Menthol caught her eye and Summer took a quick glance at Rick. If he noticed, he ignored it. Rick did always have the remnants of cigarette smoke on him but Summer never seen him with one before. There was probably a lot that Summer didn‘t know about her grandpa. She wondered how much her mom really knew about him.

The movie crept close to its finale when a warm weight sank onto Rick‘s thigh. He lowered the bottle from his chapped lips to find soft ginger hair draped over his khaki pants. He went still for a moment with his granddaughter‘s head on his lap. This was territory he hadn’t wet his toes in for decades. Rick wasn’t a stranger to the warmth of another body but this was tender and innocent, enough to take him back in time. He downed the last of his whiskey in one gulp and indulged in the hot rush that followed. The credits rolled on the screen while the bottle neck dangled from his bony fingers.

"How drunk are you right now?"

Rick hummed as if he was doing the math in his head before answering. "Wasted." He put the empty bottle on the fuzzy carpet and shimmied his feet off the table without disturbing Summer in her position. Not that he would admit that.

"So in the morning this didn’t happen?"

Rick took his sweet ass time eyeing Summer and weighing out an answer before he gave a low "yeah, Sum-Sum" and looking back at whatever commercial was on. If Rick ever was good at anything it had to be pretending. He could pretend for Summer just this once too.

#rick and morty #summer smith #rick sanchez #fluff #tw alochol

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