#why does my mental health rely on these two men

[edsbacktattoo]

good evening everyone. remember when stede bonnet called edward teach his boyfriend. do you remember when edward teach actually fucking loved it. do you recall. wow. what a day that we have had. i love you all

#everything is beautiful #why does my mental health rely on these two men #is that normal #i have to google some symptoms #ofmd

[originalaccountname]

Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is [...] “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss. [...] “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.”

Kafka Asagiri, for the BSD exhibition

On Mori and regret.

This man acts based on his perceived "optimal solution". It means relying on cold logic, detached from (his own and others') emotions. In that way, he fits right in as one of the smart characters of BSD, contrasting for example Dazai's way of working with/around people's feelings, and Fyodor's way of manipulating and twisting those feelings into monsters.

Mori remains cold, logical, distant, efficient. It meant disregarding Yosano's and the soldiers' deteriorating mental health during the war because the concept of an army that cannot be wiped out was too good. It meant following Natsume's plan and taking the old boss' place himself to fix Yokohama's underground and protect the city and its people. It also meant disposing of Mimic by sacrificing Oda in order to get the special ability business permit, despite (and perhaps because of) Dazai's attachment to the man.

The thing is, humans are not logical creatures, and will inevitably encounter conflicting emotions.

(does this look like the face of a man without regrets to you?)

Mori in Dark Era tried to pass on to Dazai his practice of putting aside his own feelings for the sake of choosing the most efficient solution that will benefit the group. It backfired spectacularly, so much so even, that Mori regrets it to this day.

For the BSD exhibition, Asagiri wrote some individual character commentaries, all very interesting insights into their characters and the writing intentions. For Mori, here's what he wrote:

“He who fell out of the optimal solution” Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is described in the novel “Dark Era” and “Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen”. That is “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss. There is an unspoken additional point to it. “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.” We can catch a glimpse of that in this scene. [the ADA-PM alliance meeting] Mori’s expressions after “Burnt it.” and “Like what you did to your predecessor”, gave us a glimpse of his true feelings that were made sacrifices for the sake of the “logical optimal solution”. (By the way, it goes without saying that Dazai is inducing Mori’s thoughts by words that will make him regret the past. It is to make him decide to form an “alliance”.) source and translation: Popopretty

(notice the inclusion of Hirotsu in this scene. Remember that later, Hirotsu suggests that Dazai knows why Mori did what he did to overthrow the old boss, which, in my opinion, is both a proof of Dazai's support in Mori's goal, and a reminder to uphold it.)

One of my favourite parts of the Dark Era light novel is a small scene during the epilogue that was not adapted into the anime. This is two weeks after Dazai defected:

To quote Asagiri again, "Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings." Mori is conflicted about the outcome of the Mimic incident. He holds in his hands the Silver Oracle he himself gave to Oda, and reflects on its purpose: to "help the man mentioned above without hesitation in the face of any and all trials". Didn't he fail to do just that with Oda? Didn't he set him up and sent him to his doom? Didn't he abandon him to his trial?

But he rationalizes the events by saying he got the permit they so badly needed. No matter if he sacrificed one of his men. No matter if he drove Dazai away. He accomplished his priceless goal. It was a total success.

And yet, he poorly folds a paper airplane with the very Silver Oracle he gave Oda, throws it, watches it crash immediately, and mourns the loss of his right-hand man, without ever moving on.

But we have a direct example of Mori expressing regret.

The perception that Mori in BEAST is a completely different character than Mori is in canon, when that perception doesn't extend to any other character from that universe, rubs me the wrong way. The characters in BEAST are very similar to their canon selves, with some core traits getting a new twist. They are all one or two major life changes away from becoming these versions of themselves. As far as we know, Mori's only life-altering event was being forcefully removed from the Port Mafia by Dazai, and secretly put in charge of Atsushi's old orphanage.

Mori unambiguously made that orphanage a better place, as stated by Atsushi himself. BEAST!Mori is a lot softer, vulnerable and honest. That Mori offers to be a father to Atsushi while he heals. He also expresses regret in not being able to help Dazai when he was in his care.

I think it's very interesting, especially when knowing that Asagiri wrote both BEAST and Fifteen at the same time for the Dead Apple movie, because in Fifteen we have this:

The beginning of the first chapter of Fifteen is a gold mine. It is narrated from Mori's point of view, the man of logic and calculations, and yet it is full of doubt. He is alone and struggling to fix everything with so many people against him. But, throughout this scene about grasping at the Port Mafia's power, there is also this secondary thought being woven in, of Mori having started to actually care for Dazai.

The teenager is scary to him, smart enough to be a threat should he decide to be done with all this and turn against him, and yet, he immediately (and with a hint of sadness) finds that Dazai reminds him of himself. This lonely, lonely man found a kindred spirit, bright enough to grasp any situation in seconds and prone to using an uncomfortable obsession to divert and keep you guessing his true intentions. Mori entered Mentor Mode™ then. He taught Dazai his ways, he shared his struggles and thought process, he fought tooth and nail to keep him alive.

So when he asked Dazai why he wanted to die, it was with the concern of someone who has started to care. It was with the mind of someone who is trying to prevent the worst by fixing the problem at its source.

(translation: Reneray)

But it's also that self-projection/ability to relate that made him drive Dazai away, when he pushed too hard and forced Dazai to adhere to his optimal solution philosophy. Because Dazai cannot separate himself from his attachments, could not ignore his emotions like Mori does, and chose Oda over Mori's logic. From Dazai's point of view, that was betrayal. Mori and him were accomplices!

Dazai planted the idea that Mori was afraid of him taking over as boss, and Mori seems to agree with that thought (would it be because he feared for his life, or for Dazai's ability to replace him?) Yet, for a man afraid of his closest subordinate backstabbing him, he seems to be hanging on quite hard to the possibility of Dazai coming back, leaving his seat open to this day, inviting him back twice in the same arc, and...

(yeah I used this picture at the start too. "I hAvE nO rEgReTs" he says)

Mori may try to convince himself he feels no regrets and no guilt over his own actions by weighting gains and losses objectively, but he still hurts and has a very hard time moving on. He's human despite his best efforts, prone to mistakes and doubts. He's lonely and wishes to impart his knowledge onto others. His cold logic has both helped him in fixing the city, and alienated him from some of the people he most cared about.

In a similar vein, should the ADA employee transfer be of topic again, and should Mori clash with Yosano again, I wish we get to see some similar conflicting emotions in Mori between the usefulness of Yosano's ability, and Yosano herself as a person. The war was 14 years ago, that's a long time, and I want to believe that counts for something.

#there carrot i finished it 4 u #i can't be normal about mori and i've been having Many Thoughts about him #i needed that out of my system and lost the plot twice so uh. I hope this reads somewhat fine. #i could have started on twelve different tangents i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT MORI #i love mori i'm not even going to excuse or justify myself read the post #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd analysis #bsd meta #bsd mori #bsd mori ougai #bsd beast #bsd beast spoilers #apparently i talk sometimes #what does it mean about him trying to get yosano back all these years later now that she's a grown-up with the means to oppose him? #is it only about her ability? or did 14 years of hardships made him reflect in any way at all? #food for thought (while we wait to see if that plotline gets cancelled or goes anywhere interesting)

[shellovish]

003: urbosa, mipha, sidon, zelda, teba (no revali bc i know you will rank him first)

I mean you're not wrong-

I wrote whole essays, sorry. I've just been in a zelda mood recently, for no reason, no reason what so ever,, totally

No. 5, Urbosa

I'll be honest here, I'm not a big fan of Urbosa. Nothing against her, it's just nothing about her character really appealed to me. I also really hate the Gerudo Desert, so that probably isn't helping.

No. 4, Sidon

I haven't played through botw in a while, so I've probably forgotten or overlooked something, but his character always felt so dependent if that's the right word? idk. But I think his story relies a lot on Mipha and his grief, which does make sense thematically, but makes him very one-note. It's also why I'm not big on sidlink, since the pairing is rather dull in my opinion. Just say you think Sidon is hot, why bring link into this? (of course, no hate to sidlink shippers)

No. 3, Teba

It physically hurts me to place him here, but the Vah Medoh quest was very underwhelming compared to the others, which made Teba's character feel disappointing. Not bad, but disappointing, considering the other companions. But that's not to say there's nothing there. I'm fond of the connections between him and other characters, which was scarce with Yunobo and Riju especially I feel, (less so with Sidon but it doesn't hit the same). I think that's also what drew me to Rito Village instead of the other towns in game, that sense of community and closeness. His relationships with the other villagers are great worldbuilding, like his rocky yet caring relationship with Saki, his "friendship" with Harth, the obvious love and proudness he feels for Tulin, and his admiration for Revali is really cute. I hope totk brings more life to these characters (same goes for Sidon), but I'm not hopeful. Still! Love me some bird men!

No. 2, Mipha

I would put her in 1st, but that would make me a hypocrite :) Most of her true characterization comes from aoc to me, because just like Sidon, her character in botw is mostly based on her love for Link, which turned me off for a long time, especially considering the difference between zora and hylian aging, which I usually decide to ignore or change in some way (which on a side note, was originally fine until the english localization which turned Finley and Sasan's relationship from platonic to romantic?? guys what the fuck). I would've put Mipha lower on this list originally, since I have the same qualms with her character in botw as I do Sidons, but aoc kind of saves her for me. She feels more realistic now, because real people definitely do not make their one personality trait about another person, definitely not. I really like aoc as a whole, because it was basically $60 for champion content with a free fighting game attached. The interaction she had with Daruk about sparring made my heart soar, I really hope we get some champion content in totk, even if it's just a memory or two.

No. 1, Zelda

Zelda hits all the right marks for me as a character, with her personality and actions in the games feeling very real and personal, to me specifically. Her storyline is not only great worldbuilding for the franchise as a whole, being the first time we've heard of her failing to unlock her sealing powers (to my knowledge), but also relatable. She is a teenager, and has lots of pressure on her. She acts out and is frustrated with the world around her. She is basically reduced to a vessel for the sealing power, and it must do wonders for her self esteem. She takes this frustration and anger out on the people close to her. I can only speculate on what this must have done to her mental health, and let's not even talk about post-calamity. As I said before, her character hits very close to home for me, and that's why she has the top spot on this list. This is actually the same reason I like Revali so much, as both of them feel very personal to me. I also think her dynamics with the other characters are *chefs kiss*. You know she was besties w/ Revali. I'm very curious to see what they'll do with her in totk, considering choices revealed in the trailer I'm not too happy about.

This was a fun one to write, even though my fingers hurt now. It's not often I get to write out my thoughts, so thank you!

#ask game #i'm so sorry urbosa fans #if the wording at the end of zelda's paragraph was a bit weird I'm trying to keep it spoiler free

[not-your-cautionary-tale]

Spoilt Milk

If there is one thing that I have learnt throughout my 20s, it's that there is no use to cry over spilt milk. But I do it all time. Longing for a clean slate where I don't have to make avoidable mistakes associated with the pain of growing up.

At almost 30, I am experience many ambivalent feelings about the past decade.

My best friend is getting married and I sit with this uncomfortable feeling. It's not envy. I am happy for her. Yet I still feel sad. Being so involved in a planning a wedding is a reminder that life goes on for everyone else but me.

After years of suffering through life, trying to "persevere", I finally got to a point where I could not go on anymore. I then realised that I was autistic, an answer to a question that I had been searching for years: "What is wrong with my head and why cannot I not fix it despite my best efforts through therapy, self-help and religion?"

My diagnosis got confirmed by a professional last year.

I had been failing at life. It took me 7 years to finish a diploma that was supposed to take two years and failed half of my classes at an expensive college I decided to attend. I couldn't last as a resident of a monastery. I cannot seem to find a job. I am a total failure.

I also got a pcos diagnosis confirmed. Though I was on the fence about children, I still felt grief. I know pcos does not mean that I will never have children but I don't deal with loss well and I don't think that I would survive a miscarriage. I do not think that I need the extra trauma plus it doesn't feel worth risking my life.

Getting married young was something that I wanted badly. After multiple failed relationships, I felt broken. I know that happiness is not found in another but when you spend your life alone and feeling misunderstood, you desire someone who will understand you, care and share with. Yes, companionship can be found in female friendships but what happens when your female friends get into relationships themselves? Also, you cannot cannot get physical intimacy (not necessarily sex) from your female friends. I know none of this is a need but it is a want.

I guess the feeling that I feel at the pit of my stomach is grief and mourning of the life that I thought I wanted, that is increasingly feeling like it will never happen.

As a black, fat and autistic woman who is also infertile and has nothing material to offer either, the world constantly reminds me that I am not welcomed.

From childhood, every choice I made would lead me to be questioned by my ability to please a hypothetical man.

When I turned vegetarian I was asked what I would cook for my future husband.

When I changed religions, I would be questioned about whether I converted because of my non-existant husband.

When my PCOS was confirmed my doctor's first thought was how am I going to give a hypothetical man children. Despite, at that moment, I had a bad headache, palpating heart from anemia because I had been bleeding for three months.

As a child, another told me that my body weight meant that I was only good enough for sex and to be left.

When men speak about "women", I know that they are not talking about me. I am perfectly content with that. I would never want to be with someone who considers me lowered standards. I know that adds a layer of complication in a world that heavily relies on the externals.

With the tides changing in dating and mysogyny being on the rise, I know feel even more cautious. It's hard enough that as a black woman, we are already trained for a hard life or to protect ourselves from men. I never wanted that. I am not so desperate enough to submit to someone who thinks of me as their enemy or posession.

I am also tired of constantly looking over my back. I also too autistic for mindgames.

Society doesn't expect men to be carers, especially African men. I need someone who will be gentle with me as I navigate life on the spectrum. It is even feels more frustrating that mental health is not recognized in African communities. I already fall short of what is required for "wife material".

Fertility issues feels like as set up for disaster as an African woman.

My best friend is not black, she is thinner, shorter and her neurodivergency is one that allows her to be magnetic. She knows everyone and everyone loves her. She has barely experienced long periods of time single, there is always a backup. She is independent, has a child, has a good job, owns her own car and house.

While feel like I keep leaving silent tornados in places thaf I've lived. I don't get along with everyone, unless I fawn. I often play the mother role, stay silent, stay agreeable. The moment I step out of that role is when I get discarded. Still it's not enough.

Nobody understands, who has never experienced this, understands. So I'll get "comforting" statements such as:

"You'll find someone."

"You need to choose better."

"You need to choose yourself"

"You need love your own company."

All I have is my company. I have full life on my own. I visit galleries, museums, restaurants, film screenings and more, alone.

I have female friends who I adore but even they have boyfriends and husbands.

With my life falling apart, I know that I definitely cannot bring anyone in my life. Who would want a jobless 29 year old?

I know it doesn't mean that I will definitely never have someone in my life, I just wish that it was life not this hard. I wish it was gauranteed.

I often wonder if I was married earlier, if this period of my life would have been easier. Like I've noticed some women around me experience.

One day, I was being rejected by a guy I thought liked me. I felt so bad that the word husband was triggering.

I know that sounds stupid and in hindsight, I am cringing. However, with my new understanding of the feelings of grief and mourning, I can feel them then let them pass, instead of trying to hold them in like sour milk that I refuse to throw away.

Evantually, when you open the milk, it explodes. That layer of shame that came with the feelings was like bacteria in milk. That bacteria produces gas, which causes pressure in the container. The toxic emotions that I was trying to push down, the years of trauma and rejection, built up to a specific moment when something insignificant brings out seemingly unnecessary emotions in a apparently inappropriate

I let these feelings of grief, of some envy, of pain to be felt and then gently released.

I forgive myself for time wasting, lamenting over what was or should have been. Over spilt milk.

Above all, I am content.

#autizzy #mental health #coming of age #late 20s

[delightful-to-be-read]

Broken Light - Joanne Harris

I’m not counting books I bought in 2024 as beating the backlog. They’re creating the backlog.

Joanne Harris is a writer with range, but unlike, say, Stephen King, the genre she’s writing in really dictates whether I like it or not. I read most of the books set in France in France, but I read them in English because there’s a mystical magic to them that I think relies on being an outsider. Obviously the thread that runs through all of her books, as far as I’ve read, is the voice of the outsider, but that’s not quite what I mean. Anyway, I love them. She doesn’t seem to employ the same magic in her books set in the UK, but possibly that’s because Lasquanet is fictional whereas I can picture getting on the bus to Archway or walking round the backs in Cambridge.

A thing I really dislike with books written in first person is when they’re written with the over-familiar exuberance of someone running an induction session. I don’t feel the need to be addressed directly as a reader; it’s a trait of YA books and that’s where I think it should stay. I found this weirdest of all with a book about Loki and I didn’t get past the first page. But the books about the boarding school are also written in first person, and much more calmly and remotely. More like a memoir than a pitch. This one has a tone more like the boarding school ones. It’s adjacent to the boarding school ones, although St Oswalds has become an Independent instead of a grammar school.

I also love when authors are unafraid to make their characters dislikable. I genuinely think the Gossip Girl books are remarkable because so many, if not all, of the characters are utterly irredeemable and there is never any attempt to redeem them. I think it must take such a strong mind as a writer. Joanne Harris is always good at that, even when her narrators have a pretty good opinion of themselves.

It’s really similar thematically to Weyward, which is strange because I didn’t have a clear idea of what Weyward was about before I started reading it and no idea at all what Broken Light was about. Men mistreat women and get their come-uppence with a little magic. There’s more overt political commentary and I also found the male behaviour in this book to be much more frustrating, much more recognisable as someone who is fortunate enough never to have been domestically abused but does live in the world as a woman among men. The two great tropes:

1. Two women are murdered by their partner a week, but, most importantly, NOT ALL MEN KILL THEIR PARTNER and why can’t women focus on that?

2. Male depression is caused by the erosion of gender roles. Women, won’t you get back into the kitchen? You could save a life.

Also the third, although I think this is in the process of being eroded:

3. If only women had the sense to stay in the kitchen, they wouldn’t be raped and murdered (unless the rapist or murderer was in the kitchen too).

More or less my whole adult life, I’ve refused to take the precautions I’m meant to take because I’m a women and I’ve got very annoyed with my mum, who is only worrying as mums do, whenever she’s worried about me coming home late, etc. I’m now at the point where I’ve pretty much forgotten it’s supposed to be a thing, but I do have echoes of identifying with her running defiance. Besides, I’m a big fan of exercising for mental health, as much as a person is able to.

As we know, exercise does not equal thinness and body positivity is a warmly embraced part of the book. Being positive about a body that doesn’t match gender expectations, a body that doesn’t match sporting expectations, a body that doesn’t match sexual expectations, yet these bodies are bodies that are full of gender, activity and sex. Loving bodies that are strong, loving bodies that have been put through the wringer but still house spirit, loving bodies that are tired but still persisting, loving bodies that make their kids sprint after them through the Alton Towers crowds at 35 degrees because the extensions of their bodies have an accelerator.

Now to read something completely different.

#Joanne Harris #Broken Light #women-centric #body positive book #london

[scottlewissocial]

Demonstrating Sustainability – Social Sustainability

Introduction

Hello, my name is Scott thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Today I will be writing this blog that is about 2250-2750 words to introduce and give you reliable information about social sustainability I will explain what is Social Sustainability and the areas around it like the business social sustainability, festival social sustainability and food these are just a few things that this blog will contain and I hope you learn from reading my blog

Social Sustainability

Firstly let’s talk about what is the definition of social sustainability. “Social sustainability is a variously defined term that generally refers to the social dimensions of sustainability. In a normative sense it refers to the social goals of sustainability strategies” (Partridge, E. 2014). until recently social sustainability was looked at in a not important manner however many companies and many aspects rely on having a positive sustainable social standard.

Social sustainability can also be described as a process to create successful places to promote wellbeing to understand what people need/necessities they need to live and also at their workplace. What is well-being though you may be asking? Well, well-being is described as a state of happiness or feeling comfortable both physically or mentally well-being is influenced by many factors including social relationships and taking care of your well-being is very very extremely important because to lack of well-being can lead to many dark paths (Bing n.d what is wellbeing). for example, depression could occur due to poor well-being and depression can be caused you many bad factors like procrastination this is why social sustainability is so important so people don’t feel alone and fall into the hole of bad mental health/bad well-being.

Moving on mentioned before social sustainability is often overlooked as an aspect of sustainability due to a lot of people don’t find it as a worldwide issue and should be addressed more as a worldwide issue social sustainability is described as a process for creating sustainable places that promote peoples mental health and wellbeing by understanding what are the essentials people need and the area people live in and what industry people work in social sustainability is a combination of two different parts. The physical realm of social sustainability and the social world What I mean by the social world is that some people fear that when living in an area some people may be scared that people will not be very kind to different cultures so to combat this I believe if we teach people more about the social impact people will be more kind towards other cultures

Social Sustainability from a Business Prospective 

Secondly, social sustainability from a business perspective is explained as knowing the impacts of cooperation and society and in the business sector there are huge issues with social sustainability due to not all jobs being fair and equality(UNSDG 2023) is still a huge issue in most places for example gender pay gap you may be asking what it is well in one source I have found describes it as. “Gender pay gap refers to the difference in salaries earned by men and women” (Indeed Career Guide)they also state women get paid 15% less than men so some businesses can abuse this and get away with paying people less which is not very sustainable for people and can cause for argument however from another source it states is about “12%”(European parliament 2020) are woman are paid less than men so I would say on average is about 12-15% due to comparing both pieces of secondary information so what does this mean for society. The standard for society in 2023 is that everyone should respect each other no matter the gender and this issue should be pressed forward a lot more to ensure equality for both genders male/female

Identifying Festival Social Impacts

Firstly festival social impacts have a variety of good social benefits, there is a saying called the public culture which is described as a way for voices to be heard. (p. 100 Black, N. (2016) Festivals are one of the best ways to bring the community together for example festivals teach us new ways to learn about others and strengthen relationships and can bring the community together very easily (www.cfra.org. n.d.) an example of this is pride Glasgow were thousands come to celebrate LGBTQT+ equality (Anon, n.d. Pride Glasgow). Festivals can bring many cultures together and people can showcase expression by dressing in traditional cultural attire another thing is people can showcase food from their culture to shoe others new foods and tastes, however, there are negative sides of festival social impacts, for example, traffic congestion, overcrowding and vandalism (Small, K.E.2023) first off an example of this is Woodstock 1999 were there were many bad incidences one of the big things that happened was that there was a lot of garbage at the end of the festival that wasn’t recyclable and also due to Woodstock 1999 have great weather during it there was a lot of complaints about the smell of the trash there was 1,261 tons of solid waste and caused an outrage at the festival (Somers, J.2021) not only that Woodstock had riots and vandalism happen young kids were making fires, smashing equipment, and fighting and in the conclusion of all this they were causing a massive ruckus. They say this happened due to Limp Bizkit egging on the crowd however in my opinion it was bound to happen either way but take this as you will.

Cultural exchange/Food tourism and events as tools for social sustainability

Now I will be talking about cultural exchange and how it allows people/visitors to experience different traditions and allows people to engage with local communities and form a bigger appreciation among people from diverse backgrounds. Food can bring people together for example food can be used as an act of hospitality and can forge meaningful connections and gain trust from others (Chloe 2023). Another thing is food events are often used as a tool for sustainability for example through food tourism (www.proquest.com. n.d) some people visit other places just to try new food which can bring people joy/happiness enhancing mental well-being for one’s mental health.

Community Empowerment

Secondly, I will be talking about community empowerment is a saying that refers to the process of enabling communities to allow people to control their own lives and empowerment refers to the process that people control there own life and to shape there own paths/shape in life (World Health Organisation 2021) Community empowerment is mainly about groups come in together as a community and the groups that are involved are inclusive and organised (Anon,n.d.).

Social inclusion 

Thirdly I will talk about social inclusion. Firstly social inclusion makes it so events can be designed to be inclusive and accessible to all this promotes social equality and can help others to foster other cultures and different backgrounds. the main benefits as stated before are promoting equality and eliminating discrimination, How to promote social inclusion is by encouraging community participation in social/cultural/political events (Building Better Opportunities’.). However, many more benefits are looking at in gov. uk they state that it increases the opportunity for the community and allows communities to participate in society more (Charity Commission 2001)

Corporate social responsibility or sustainability in music festivals

Now I am going to be talking about Corporate social responsibility or sustainability in music festivals firstly working with partners means we can achieve a lot more and has a real potential to make a real difference in people’s lives, (www.rospa.com.n.d.). positively this would mean people will get more help and support if needed and security measures will be in place to ensure safety is the top priority. But you may ask who benefits from corporate social responsibility(CSR) well A CSR partnership with RoSPA can help your organisation tremendously and give a boost in positive social change. If you want to make a difference in society through a programme of CSR activity, you’ll find many more massive benefits that come with CSR. For example, the biggest benefit you get from (CSR) is that it gives media exposure therefor can help with marketing there for helping promote the festival with a massive impact there are also more benefits for example it can improve the public image/increase employee satisfaction/increases creativity and finally increases customer loyalty (Russell, K.2018) all theses benefits help by providing a lot more recognition to the festival and can bring a lot more attention to the social side of the festivals in general but at the end of the day (CSR) is a win-win company need to understand that having corporate social responsibility implemented into there festival/event will allow growth for the festival and it’s a key opportunity to showcase core values and create a much more safe space for customers and employees.

Social sustainability equity 

Now I will be talking about Social sustainability equity what is Social sustainability equity? you may be asking well it means that when people think sustainability they think saving the planet however the concept of social equity is about community and it is part of the UN 17 sustainable development goals and it is to reduce inequality’s this goal was put into place to give society a wider opportunity’s and let people grow as individuals however currently some cultures face discrimination which closes the doors for opportunity’s and this is why the goal is put in place to ensure all people can have the option to do what they want to do (Mrs Greens World.2019)

Social health and wellbeing

Now moving on to social health and well-being, firstly what is the importance of social health well there are many main factors why social health is important for example it can increase your ability to build healthy relationships and the quality of relationships can be to a high standard by doing this it will overall improve your quality of life and you will have people there that you can trust well as if you have poor relationships you might become lonely and research shows that ongoing loneliness can cause chronic stress and can be linked to many physical problems and strong social connection can lead to a longer life span as well so this makes it a very important topic (Waters, S.2022 What Is Social Health). So the Link between well-being and social health is there and there is a saying for this called Social wellness there are many different ways to improve your social wellness firstly by self-care what this means is looking after yourself, for example, having good sleep and not abusing your body forcing it to stay up another thing you can do is do sport/excises this will mentally be challenging but the reward is there that it makes you fit and active therefore allowing you to feel more comfortable and confident in your skin allowing you for more social opportunity’s.

Social Impact Investing 

Now i will be Talking about social impact investing, What is Social impact investing? well it is a way for a government to address social issues in collaboration with non-profit organisations and for profit sectors through a focus of outcomes and the outcomes supports innovation and provides major flexibility to better meet the needs of individuals it also ensures a lot of beneficial factors from this ‌(Investment, O. of S.I.2023). 

Conclusion

In conclusion from all I have spoken about there are many aspects to social sustainability that hopefully you have learnt by reading this blog and how social sustainability links to many aspects for example well-being and community is a key factor when it comes to the topic and I have made sure to include this. In my personal opinion I find it fascinating that there are so many different elements but my favour element is the equality aspect because people don’t realise how important it is and there is so much information about it and how inequality still happens in the modern era another thing I would like to say is how important community empowerment is this is another overlooked aspect of social sustainability and how communities allow people to gain control of their own live and shape how they live due to feeling safe within a community and I find this very important personally because I relate a lot to it I believe that having people there to motivate you through hard times is beneficial and this also then links to wellbeing witch is also connected to social sustainability die to wellbeing is linked to social heath and how if your lonely it can damage your mental heath a lot but if your in a community or have people around you it can boost Ur work ethic and motivation by a huge amount. The reason why I’m mentioning all this again is to prove that social sustainability links to most things around it and how its such a big topic for discussion however it doesn’t seem to be mentioned to much through out the government or in general terms either.

To sum up my conclusion I think that the government should focus on the aspects of what I have spoken about in this blog to spread more awareness through out society and to implement this topic in the education system to show everyone how important having a good social life or social knowledge can help you through your career and life in general I heavily do wish for this to happen and I hope that you do to i really hope you enjoyed reading this blog I put a lot of effort into it and also hope you find it informal and fascinating and will share it to others if you wish to do so my name is Scott Lewis and thank you for reading.

Bibliography

Partridge, E. (2014). Social Sustainability. Encyclopedia of Quality of Life and Well-Being Research, [online] pp.6178–6186. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-007-0753-5_2790.

ADEC innovations (2022). What is Social Sustainability? | ADEC ESG. [online] http://www.adecesg.com. Available at: https://www.adecesg.com/resources/faq/what-is-social-sustainability/.

Indeed Career Guide. (n.d.). What Is The Gender Pay Gap? (Full Guide). [online] Available at: https://au.indeed.com/career-advice/pay-salary/gender-pay-gap.

European Parliament (2020). Understanding the Gender Pay gap: Definition and Causes | News | European Parliament. [online] http://www.europarl.europa.eu. Available at:

Black, N. (2016). Festival connections: How consistent and innovative connections enable small-scale rural festivals to contribute to socially sustainable communities. International Journal of Event and Festival Management, 7(3), 172–187. See: 

‌www.cfra.org. (n.d.). Festivals can bring a community together. [online] Available at: https://www.cfra.org/blog/festivals-can-bring-community-together.

Anon, (n.d.). Pride Glasgow | Scotland’s largest LGBT festival. [online] Available at: https://prideglasgow.com/.

Small, K.E. (2023). Understanding the social impacts of festivals on communities. [online] Westernsydney.edu.au. Available at: https://researchdirect.westernsydney.edu.au/islandora/object/uws:6308#.

Somers, J. (2021). Messed Up Things That Happened At Woodstock ’99. [online] Grunge.com. Available at: https://www.grunge.com/462539/messed-up-things-that-happened-at-woodstock-99/.

chloe (2023). Culinary Connections: How Food Fosters Cultural Exchange and Understanding. [online] Moments Log. Available at: https://www.momentslog.com/cuisine/culinary-connections-how-food-fosters-cultural-exchange-and-understanding [Accessed 10 Nov. 2023].

http://www.proquest.com. (n.d.). Food tourism and events as tools for social – ProQuest. [online] Available at:https://www.proquest.com/docview/2087861782/fulltextPDF/D8BD1AFBC01B47B0PQ/1?accountid=15894.

World Health Organisation (2021). First International Conference on Health Promotion, Ottawa, 21 November 1986. [online] http://www.who.int. Available at: https://www.who.int/teams/health-promotion/enhanced-wellbeing/seventh-global-conference/community-empowerment.

Anon, (n.d.). Community empowerment | Changes. [online] Available at: https://changesuk.net/themes/community-empowerment/.

Building Better Opportunities. (n.d.). Building Better Opportunities – What is social inclusion? [online] Available at: https://www.bbostaffs.org/knowledge-advice/what-is-social-inclusion/.

Charity Commission (2001). The Promotion of Social Inclusion. [online] Available at: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/359358/socinc.pdf.

http://www.rospa.com. (n.d.). Corporate Social Responsibility Partnerships – RoSPA. [online] Available at: https://www.rospa.com/partnerships/corporate-social-responsibility-partnerships?msclkid= [Accessed 24 Nov. 2023].

Russell, K. (2018). Why CSR: Four Benefits of Corporate Social Responsibility. [online] Fronetics. Available at: https://www.fronetics.com/csr-four-benefits-corporate-social-responsibility/.

Mrs Greens World. (2019). Sustainability and Social Equity | Mrs. Green’s World. [online] Available at: https://www.mrsgreensworld.com/sustainability-and-social-equity-you-cant-have-one-without-the-other/.

Bing. (n.d.). what is wellbeing. [online] Available at: https://www.bing.com/search?q=what+is+wellbeing&FORM=AWRE&showconv=1 [Accessed 28 Nov. 2023].

Waters, S. (2022). What Is Social Health? How It Affects Your Well-Being. [online] http://www.betterup.com. Available at: https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-social-health.

‌Investment, O. of S.I. (2023). Social impact investment (SII) | NSW Government. [online] http://www.nsw.gov.au. Available at: https://www.nsw.gov.au/osii/social-impact-investments [Accessed 1 Dec. 2023].

‌

[pornaddictioncounseling]

“AT THIS MOMENT IN MY REBOOT”

Today I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot group. He asked:

“J.K., why do you say ‘At this moment in my reboot’ sometimes? You are 15 years free from pornography. Doesn’t it take two years to reboot, or at least for your brain to rewire? That sounds more like saying ‘At this point in my recovery’, which you regularly point out has no deadline. Don’t you often say you kick people out of the group once their reboot is ‘done’?”

A lot of men who first arrive at the Porn Reboot program assume that it’s just about quitting porn. Sure, quitting your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is the primary goal. However, quitting porn is only the beginning of the Porn Reboot process. 

Instead, Porn Reboot is a holistic process. Cutting porn out of your life doesn’t magically heal all the other areas that you harmed. It doesn’t build back reboot capital in the parts of your life that are suffering. Eliminating your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is only the beginning.

Too many men think that quitting porn is all it takes to overcome porn addiction. If it were that simple I wouldn’t be doing what I was doing. I wouldn’t work with hundreds of men every year who burn their lives down because of their porn addiction problems. You wouldn’t be here reading this either if you truly believed that quitting porn was the only thing you needed to do.

No, brother. Quitting porn is only the start.

This is exactly why I’m so against things like “no fap.” Yeah, it’s great you stopped jerking off. That’s wonderful. But that’s not going to fix your financial issues. It’s not going to fix your mental health issues. It won’t fix your attachment issues or your social anxiety. Truthfully, quitting porn does nothing but magnify your lack of effective coping skills.

Remember that something made you rely on porn in the first place. Maybe it was medicating stress, maybe it was rejection at school, or maybe it was simple curiosity and seeking pleasure. Whatever the reason, though, porn became your solution to problems instead of actual problem-solving skills.

Eliminating porn is the first step. But developing coping skills and building a life worth living is where the true work lies. The system will get you to the point where you are no longer dependent on pornography, but it doesn’t mean the unresolved issues in your life are suddenly resolved. And that may take much longer than the two years required to rewire your brain. 

I’m not some magical guru who has fixed every area of his life. I’m very aware of the areas where I’ve made a lot of progress but I’m also more than aware of the areas where I’m not where I want to be. I use the phrase “At this moment in my reboot” because I recognize that I still have work to do, too.

I view rebooting as a lifestyle, meaning I apply the principles I used to control my behavior to dealing with other unresolved issues. The system isn’t only useful for pornography, it’s useful for every area I want to work on in my life. I practice what I preach which means I’m still working on myself to this day.

Our brother was keen to recognize this point and I’m grateful that he brought it up. I don’t want you thinking that I believe I’ve got all the answers. I don’t. I simply have a system that works for me and the other men in the Porn Addiction Counseling group. And I don’t just sit here writing blog posts, making YouTube videos, and recording podcasts without continuing to do the work.

When you hear me say “At this point in my reboot,” I’m not referring to my sexual behavior or my behavior with pornography. I’m referring to the other unresolved issues that I’m dealing with in my life. I’m no better and no worse than you, brother. I’m on my own journey through life and dedicated to helping others escape the same hellish cycle I found myself in.

While I don’t believe we are porn addicts forever, I do believe we are forever works in progress. Very few people will ever truly achieve enlightenment. We’re always going to have things we need to work through in life. But when you remove your out-of-control sexual behavior from the equation, working on these issues becomes far more effective and manageable. And life becomes that much more beautiful, too.

#Youtube

[whatdostarsdo]

Ok I’m gonna talk about Star Trek discovery for a minute cuz I have things to say now that I’ve finished season 4. The TLDR is that I think the show really has improved during seasons 3 and 4 and there were many things i enjoyed, including the level of diversity and their treatment of mental health in particular, but the earlier seasons had a lot of issues that made the show difficult to enjoy. Because of the length of time it has taken for disco to find its stride in comparison to many of the other new treks, it has ended up my least favorite despite having many aspects that i do genuinely enjoy.

Things I really love about this show, and Seasons 3 and 4 in particular:

1. It is the single most diverse Star Trek show since ds9 and goes out of its way to do justice to its characters

-There are SO many people of color on this show and I love it so much. First black woman as captain, black woman as the president of united earth, black romances, characters of different nationalities and backgrounds on the bridge and throughout the show! Also we have Georgiou, the only good part of the early seasons.

-Queer characters! And so many of them! Disco has, in canon: two gay men, a lesbian, a trans guy, and a non-binary character (and the trans guy and nb are in a relationship!!! And are teenagers!) This is not even mentioning the many side characters in queer relationships, and queer coded characters. No other trek Ever has had this many queer characters at a time and this was in fact the first time I ever saw a non-binary character on tv.

-The aliens! Apart from DS9 and some of the cartoons, Disco has taken the most chances with its alien characters, and has many of them on the bridge at a given time. While many of them are still human-lite, disco has certainly done a lot with makeup, costuming, and CGI that is frankly very impressive.

2. Realistic and frankly groundbreaking treatment of physical and mental health issues for trek

-I actually really enjoy the treatment of mental health as serious and the recognition of the impact that the events of the show have on the crew. They execute it all in a way that makes sense and also I haven’t seen in many live action shows in this much depth, and certainly not in trek

-In specific they all have so much PTSD and that’s recognized and taken seriously??? Like YES recognize the effect your plots have on the crew literally no other trek does this! In old trek you have to employ a lot of suspension of disbelief sometimes to get past the events of one episode not having a profound effect on the characters and in discovery it just... does. And they deal with that. It’s great. They develop the importance of therapy and support systems and that’s actually really new for trek and i appreciate it

-I actually really like how this show lends a lot of its time to focusing on the emotional implications of tragedy and I think it’s something discovery does really well!

-as a sidenote, we also see several characters with mobility aids in a much more realistic way than has been done in trek before, which is a breath of fresh air.

3. There’s actually some pretty good lore in there for old fans -we know now Why Klingons Change Appearance between TOS and TNG -we now have seen Trill (albiet future trill) which is very exciting -All the references to Quarks being a franchise is very fun for any DS9 fan

-They gave us some spock lore which is neat and showed us more of vulcan

Things I do not like about this show:

1. The first two seasons… they were bad

-most trek, especially legacy trek, tends to have a kind of bad first season. This is true basically every other trek excepting ds9 and enterprise (and only because enterprise suffered from 9/11 happening in the middle of the second season). For discovery, this was a big problem, especially because it was the first of the “new trek” series, and therefore was relying a LOT on the hype of old series to get watched.

-the main source of this problem was the fact that it was marketed as a show that would bring with it spock lore. The problem is, apart from delivering Spock lore the show had no clue what it wanted to be, and that shows in the writing of the episodes and the one-note characters as well.

-the second big part of this was the fact that they set it pre-TOS. Because their main audience at that point was old fans, trying to place a new shiny ship so unlike the original enterprise into the era before the enterprise was a relatively poor decision. Nostalgia for the original series prevented discovery’s style from being appreciated so long as it was in that time period

-also, they just straight up kept switching captains and doing that will they/won’t they with Micheal being captain. This was deeply frustrating and for the longest time made the show pretty hard to watch because of the way this was executed.

These problems were luckily resolved with later seasons, and their decision to bring discovery into the future. By separating themselves from the era of TOS they were actually able to write for discovery without that comparison being present, and give us interesting storylines and characters that we now love!

2. major pacing problems through the entire shows run

-this is the only problem that genuinely continues to plague season 4, and is the cause of most of the other problems with the show. It has certainly improved in season 4 compared to other seasons, but it also is still very much an issue.

-short seasons, too many characters, and too many plotlines are the main offenders here. If they had longer seasons, they may be able to deliver on all of their plotlines. If they had less plotlines, they might get by with their shorter seasons. If they had or even focused on less characters, they would not have to focus on so many plotlines. You do not need a C,D,E, and F plot in your episode I promise.

-this leads to issues like the characters on the show not feeling very well developed, such as Grey’s only storyline revolving around his trans-ness after he got de-ghosted and immediately leaving, or them not knowing what to do with Tilly after Micheal got promoted to captain. Too many characters means a lot of one-note characters, and a lot of storylines being rushed. Even the main characters suffer from this because at times it feels like they are having the same problems over and over and not dealing with them at all.

-it also feels to a very dizzying feeling while watching the episodes. Constantly jumping from one storyline to the next doesn’t give a person much time to digest the information they’re being given of any given one. Too many storylines make the episodes very busy, and the more busy the harder it can be to follow and watch.

-also their constant jumping leads to many of the queer characters being blink-or-you’ll-miss-it. So many of those moments happen so fast and with so little relevance to the main plot that they could easily be cut out and no one would notice. This is why I’m so insistent that the show Isn’t A Queer Show- because despite its many queer characters, they are all side characters who aren’t given much concrete screen time or development.

This problem gets my goat because it is a Very Easy Fix: just do less things! More time for character moments or moments of rest would greatly benefit the show, and actually has greatly benefited the show in season 4. Star Trek lends itself well to character driven stories and I’m glad to see disco slowly embracing them, but it still has a ways to go.

3. Some Very Questionable representation decisions

-why did they kill and unkill both of their gay characters in the first few seasons? It felt like a bit of a mean twist on bury your gays that I did not appreciate at all.

-while there are a wealth of characters of color on this show, many of them are at some point criminals or “bad guys”. Even with those characters that they end up turning around into “good guys”, it ends up feeling the same way as unkilling gay characters does. While now in season 4 there may be enough “good” characters of color to excuse one or two “bad”, that was not really the case for most of the shows run, and it still makes my eye twitch. I appreciate writing nuanced characters, but not villainizing characters of color, and discovery has been known to walk that line too much for my liking. I personally stopped watching Disco for a while mid season 2, catching up to season 3 after I heard the news about Adira Tal. I’m really glad now that I did, because the show really found its stride during season 4, but I still consider it my least favorite of the new treks because it still has many problems to work out. It’s getting there though, and I have plenty of hope for that future!

#star trek #star trek discovery #I like the show! #But I do have many Critisisms as well #and i think thats fair #It's doing good stuff! #but it needs work to be a better TV show i think

[pwarkluv]

❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words 

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes. 

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. 

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went. 

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside. 

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least. 

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit. 

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life. 

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways. 

he just wanted to be loved. 

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood. 

jisung wanted that, craved that. 

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt. 

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs. 

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

-

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home. 

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in. 

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind. 

-

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself. 

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option. 

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty. 

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard. 

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do. 

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him. 

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

-

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there.  what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up. 

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on. 

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind. 

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing. 

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window. 

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room. 

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention. 

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along. 

#park jisung #park jisung x reader #park jisung x y/n #park jisung fanfic #park jisung imagine #park jisung imagines #nct dream #nct dream x reader #nct dream x y/n #nct dream fanfic #nct dream imagine #nct dream imagines #haung renjun #lee jeno #lee mark #lee haechan #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #zhong chenle #nct angst #nct 127 #wayv #nct 127 imagine #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 fanfic #nct 127 x reader #nct 127 x y/n #huang renjun x y/n #huang renjun x reader #lee jeno x reader

[vindelllas]

the beauty of shatabhisha ✨⭕️

✨elizabeth berkley: shatabisha chandra

*A MAJOR TW FOR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING!! please put your mental health first and understand that nothing online is more important than your mental state love*

please also read my post on the mythology of rahu and ketu prior to reading this. it will allow you to better understand the nature of shatabhisha:

https://vindelllas.tumblr.com/post/643640120238555137/rahu-and-ketu-in-vedic-astrology-horoscope

👄 shatabhisha lies in the heart of the aquarius rashi. aquarius, being ruled by shani, creates a beautiful juxtaposition of exotic and hypnotizing features that garner the attention of the masses. in general, they could have basic features, but it is almost as if a magnetic film adorns their body to attract the attention of others. their facial structure is typically quite chiseled. shani is said to govern the bones, so they will particularly have great bodily structure overall, especially since aquarius is said to rule the legs (particularly the lower part of the legs). they prefer to have very prominent brows, depending on their time frame, their eyebrows are either very thin (1940s-60s, 90s-00s) or quite bushy (70s, 2010s-). rahu rules the mouth, lips, and teeth. you will notice that many shatabhisha natives will have famous scenes that involve the use of their mouth. such as, sarah michelle-geller’s famous kissing scene in “cruel intentions”, alicia silverstone’s famous chewing gum scene in “clueless”, winona ryder chewing licorice in “heathers”, etc.. even shatabhisha native cindy crawford was known for her pouty lips and has her own lipstick campaign. thanks to the suggestion of the lovely @/vediclover8 on twitter, popular model khawlah al anezi, shatabhisha chandra, has very prominent lips and often takes close-up pictures with her lips being the vocal point of the photograph. according to the bible, the lips denote the interior things of a person, their internal worship, from which is adoration, it is even used to represent a prophet. in the given passage below, the prophet’s lips were touched, and, thus, his iniquity was taken away and his sin expiated. this action is representative of our interior being signified by the lips, denoting charity and its doctrine.

💋Jehovah shall smite the earth with the rod of His mouth, and with the breath of His lips shall He slay the wicked (Isa. 11:4).

✨khawlah al anezi: shatabisha chandra

💄 there is great abundance within the lips. some cultures even believe the lips of a person to be the karaka of their soul. you may tell a great deal of a person based on their lips. hence, why shatabhishas (and other rahu natives) typically obtain larger lips, or other dramatic facial features in general. they wish to transcend cosmic perfection and embody the surreal beauty that almost hurts to look at. they want to be a dream-like being. it’s not unusual for them to favor dramatic facial features, as shani bestows this naturally to his nakshatra natives. however, rahu adds this insatiable and vain desire to obtain his wishes. this insatiable need to embody the collective desire influences them to work hard to obtain what they view to be perfection. they are no stranger to plastic surgery, intense work out routines (they typically have a good respiratory system for this, as rahu is the karaka of the lungs), and makeup and skincare. think of the shatabhisha natives like rihanna who owns tu the multimillion fenty skincare and makeup company or kesha who owns kesha rose, a new makeup line.

✨alicia silverstone: shatabhisha surya

🐉 however, shatabhisha does not want to embody the male fantasy or the status quo. unlike ardra, who wants to devote themselves to their partners, and swati, who naturally embodies the male fantasy. shatabhishas attract high levels of sexual attention because they cater to their own fantasy. this is because shatabhisha is the veil that separates us from the physical and astral plane. this veil subconsciously draws in the adoration and favor of the masses. recall prince, frank sinatra, and elvis presley—who are all shatabhisha natives. they have this highly transcendental nature that transports you to a time of simplicity and deep love. the masses view shatabhishas as this ideal being, this causes many of these natives to feel a great deal of pressure and have many cyclical patterns in their shadow state. what once gave them freedom becomes an entrapment ⭕️. this is why we see these natives reach a level of despair or destruction in their lives. their rahuvian fantasy they created becomes adopted by the masses and popularized. due to the grossing popularity of the traits that once brought individuality to the shatabhisha native, it loses it’s appeal after awhile and people are left continuously craving more from them. examine the undertone shifts of shatabhisha’s music below. you will notice this freshness and unique quality to their earlier music and a dull sense of finality in their later works:

🐎 elvis presley (shatabhisha chandra): “jailhouse rock” (1957) and “blue eyes crying in the rain” (1976)

🐎 prince (shatabhisha chandra): “raspberry beret” (1985) and somebody’s somebody (1996)

🐎 THE MOST SHATABHISHA ARTIST - johnny cash (shatabhisha surya and buddha): “i walk the line” (1957) and “hurt” (2002)

✨alice pagani: shatabhisha surya

⭕️ as discussed earlier, shatabhisha is the cosmic circle. they either have the choice of remaining in this cyclical state or transcending the confines of repetition. because shatabhisha is the height of rahu, the planet of obsessions, they fall prey to many behaviors and tools that rely on addiction and fiendish behaviors. the undoing and unraveling of these natives will be because of their craving for escape from being the middle man between the astral and physical planes. this escape typically comes in the form of addiction to drugs. drugs give these natives the false illusion of breaking the cosmic cycle and finding expansion in imprisonment. prince was addicted to percocets; michael jackson (shatabisha lagna) was addicted to opioids; johnny cash was addicted to cocaine; elvis presley was addicted to opiates and codeine; even the first men to have written about the scientific usages of cocaine, amerigo vespucci had shatabhisha ketu and karl koller had shatabhisha surya and shukra. the most famous drug lord billionaire pablo escobar had shatabhisha lagna. you will also find the primary reasoning for shatabhisha’s death is drug-related. this correlates to the meaning of ouroboros.

✨samantha robinson: shatabhisha chandra

🐍 the insatiable head of rahu and the cyclical expanse of the cosmic circle itself is reminiscent of ouroboros. ouroboros is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating it’s own tail. this symbol originated in ancient egyptian iconography, the ouroboros entered western tradition by greek traditions and became a prominent symbol for gnosticism, alchemy, and hermeticism. the term ouroboros derives from the greek term οὐροβόρος, οὐρά means 'tail' and βορός means'-eating'. it is a symbol often interpreted as the eternal cyclic renewal or the cycle of life, death, and rebirth (themes of shatabhisha). it’s symbolism has been used to describe the kundalini. the yoga-kundalini upanishad, defines this correlation as “the divine power, kundalini, shines like the stem of a young lotus; like a snake, coiled round upon herself she holds her tail in her mouth and lies resting half asleep as the base of the body”. the shedding of a snake’s skin also symbolizes the renewal of self, the snake biting its own tail is a fertility symbol in some religions, and the tail of the snake is a phallic symbol, the mouth is a yonic or womb-like symbol. which correlates to rahu being symbolized by the mouth; shatabhisha being of the most feminine and expansive yoni: the horse yoni; and rahu’s mahavidya, chinnamasta.

✨samara weaving: shatabhisha chandra

🩸 according to the panchatantra grantha, once parvati went with her friends, dakini and varnini, to take a bath in the mandakini river. parvati was elated and enveloped with love, causing her complexion to darken. her friends became hungry and asked parvati to give them some food. parvati asked them to wait and said that she would feed them soon and began walking. soon, her friends once again asked her for food and told her that she was the mother of the universe and the children. they used this reasoning to demand that their hunger be satiated immediately. the lovely parvati laughed and with her fingernail slit her own head. the blood immediately spurted into three directions. her two friends drank the blood from two of the directions and parvati herself drank the blood from the third direction. because parvati cut off her own head, she is known as the tantric mahavidya chinnamasta. chinnamasta is said to symbolize the courageous efforts needed to make the most inconceivable sacrifice for those you love. parvati’s severed head symbolizes the liberation of shatabhisha. as a person’s individual identity is a state of conditioning or limitation, dependent on qualities, think of shatabhisha natives’ susceptibility to illusions and narcotics. the action of decapitation reveals the true maternal being of the feminine yoni that is shatabhisha. which is unconditioned, infinite, and boundlessly free. this symbolism of freedom is reinforced by the aquarius rashi (the natural eleventh house of limitless gains) and chinnamasta’s nudity. her nudity symbolizes that she cannot be covered or contained by any garment, due to her finding abundance in infinity and self-government. to chinnamasta’s left, dakini is black and, to her right, varnini is red. chinnamasta herself is white. these three colors, black, red, and white, represent the three gunas. all three gunas belong to prakriti, the principle of materiality of all nature itself. it denotes that nothing exists or is birthed without the mother (parvati). it is she who is responsible for the limitless abundance of earth and satiates her children with her warm blood, like the milk of a mother or prana.

✨winona ryder: shatabhisha chandra

*i understand that many of you do not follow me on twitter so i want to include a revised thread on shatabhisha i made recently*

🌌 shatabhisha is the nakshatra of limitless possibilities. it is symbolized by the empty circle and a thousand stars/flowers. the deity of shatabhisha is varuna, the deity of the cosmic and terrestrial water, the sky and earth. he is the mystical healer and the lord of maya (illusion). shatabhisha is the final vimshottari nakshatra of rahu. it is here, rahu is calmed by shani, as shatabhisha lies in the aquarius rashi. aquarius is the natural auspicious eleventh house of the zodiac, the house of gains and strong income. it is the house of one’s aspirations and desires. indastro says the the eleventh house is the 5th from the 7th house, which represents our desires, thus, it refers to the fulfillment or the defiance of desires, which is why it is called the house of gains. the eleventh house is also representative of your social environment. this is why shatabishas, which lies in the heart of aquarius, naturally are aware of the desires of others and help you realize what you wish to do in your lifetime. friendship is important to them and likely comes easy to them, almost to the point of obsession.

💐 in the netflix show “baby”, shatabhisha surya native alice pagani plays an underage pr*stitute who ends up befriending an “innocent” and seemingly kind girl (chiara). alice lives a life of not caring about the consequences of her actions, failing school, drinking alcohol, and being an esc*rt. chiara lives a life of craving perfection, great grades, and promise. alice’s character exposes chiara to her world of sugaring. although reluctant to the lifestyle at first, chiara begins to become obsessed with the sugar lifestyle and it becomes the only thing she wants. alice’s character starts to slowly feel trapped by that lifestyle and no longer wants to participate in those behaviors. in the movie “une fille facile”, sofia (played by shatabisha surya native zahia dehar) plays an esc*rt who stays with her innocent cousin in the summer. sofia is promiscuous, care-free, and marches to the beat of her own drum. whereas, her cousin is depicted as a nervous, intelligent, and “pure” person. sofia enjoys taunting older men and enjoying the luxuries of sugaring. her cousin idolizes her lifestyle and wants to be exactly like her, copying her style and even getting her exact same tattoo. chiara and alice pagani’s characters get matching tattoos as well (more on rahu’s tattoo symbolism below). sofia’s cousin becomes obsessed with sofia and, due to amounting circumstances, sofia can no longer take her wanton lifestyle and up and leaves her cousin.

⛓ in “baby”, we saw shatabhisha native alice exposing her friend to the world of sugaring. in “une fille facile”, sofia, another underage esc*rt, exposes her innocent cousin to the world of sugaring. in both storylines, the innocent friend becomes entrenched by the enamoring powers of such a dangerous and expansive lifestyle of shatabhisha and becomes obsessed with both them and their lifestyle. whereas, the shatabhisha natives eventually wake up and realize that the life they are living is what they no longer want. however, their friends are now completely obsessed with their newfound taste of freedom and take issue with leaving their the shatabhisha old friend’s lifestyle. the shatabhisha native ends up feeling trapped and reaches a breaking point and leaves. this is because rahu is the planet of obsession and desires. he is quickly fueled by the magnetic popularity he receives in the eleventh house, but these natives quickly feel trapped and restricted by what they once regarded as their friends.

🪞see, varuna reminds me of the esoteric meaning of the mirror, i know the mirror is said to be inherently venusian, but there is power in the vibrations of your reflection. mirrors are directly linked to the astral plane and are a neutral, but illusionary, device as well. it is all about the vibrations you put into the mirror, because you will receive it directly back. the obsession of one’s appearance and outer reflection is here in shatabhisha. until, eventually, they either embrace the ouroboros and kundalini powers of maya or snap. the limitless expansion within themselves creates this unnerving attraction and causes many individuals to crave to see the shatabhisha native they so wholeheartedly desire staring back at themselves in their reflection. it is like the expansive nature of shatabhisha causes those around them to become consumed and reborn by the shatabhisha native’s ether. it is literally like they give life (whether it is positive or negative) to people. people will resent their unbelievable beauty and carefree nature and people will then walk all over them for it. how the shatabhisha native reacts to this is entirely up to them.

🔪 some other examples of this is are shatabhisha chandra native alice silverstone as ‘cher’ in “clueless” (as suggested by @/vanillemercure on twitter). cher is depicted as a popular and upbeat teenager who has a special penchant for fashion. cher decides to makeover the new girl in school: tai. she tries to make tai into a popular, more fashionable girl. tai was originally quite impressionable and looked up to the opinions of cher. once she was made over, people began to notice her more and fawn over her beauty. this eventually goes over her head and causes her to start to neglect cher and not care about her. due to cher and tai’s fight over a boy, cher reaches a breaking point and realizes the life she truly wants to live and the love she longs for. in “cruel intentions”, shatabhisha chandra sarah michelle-gellar plays kathryn. kathryn seems like your stereotypical shallow rich girl with dark tendencies. she does not care for following the rules and lives as she pleases. she makes a seductive deal with her frenemie sebastian to see if he can take the v*rginity of the new headmaster’s daughter. only, once sebastian starts to get to the know the headmaster’s daughter, he realizes the cruelty of their wager. kathryn is outted for her terrible and harsh past and habits. her reputation (illusion/maya) is completely shattered and destroyed. winona ryder (shatabisha chandra) played ‘veronica’ in the film “heathers”. veronica is a part of the most popular clique at her high school, but she disapproves of the other girls' cruel behavior. when veronica and her new boyfriend, j.d., confront the leader of the popular clique and accidentally poison her, they make it appear a suicide. veronica realizes that j.d. is intentionally killing students he does not like. eventually, she too reaches a breaking point, after stopping j.d. from killing the whole school. she stops trying to fit in with popular clique and realizes life truly has both none and infinite meanings. the same applies to her character in the movie “girl, interrupted”. shatabisha chandra samara weaving plays ‘grace’ in “ready or not”. grace could not be happier after she marries the man of her dreams at his family's luxurious estate. however, she must hide from midnight until dawn while her new in-laws hunt her down with guns, crossbows and other weapons. grace desperately tries to survive the night and continuous comes up with clever ways to save her life. once grace survives the night, her in-laws still continue to try to kill her. however, they are unsuccessful and all attempts are ceased when they start to blow up in front of her. she laughs at their attempts, while she is covered in their blood. she has broken free from her in-laws heinous acts (the cyclical force) against her and embodied the devil himself (prying the veil between the physical and astral plane). shatabhisha is all about you reap what you sow. they are the expansive reality of maya. they are fully aware of the presence of the divine collective and the power of consciousness. they do not care about what is inherently evil or divine, as they know that life is essentially both. it transcends the need for labels. shatabhisha is rebirth and renewal. it’s obsession and transcendence. once they pass the defining stage of their life, they realize that most of the people in this world are just hollow shells bending to the will of the divine collective.

🌠 recall that the aforementioned characters are known for their independence, exactly like chinnamasta. people look to these natives and wish for them to behave as parvati, the cosmic mother. they want these shatabhisha natives to pour their essence into them to feed their uncontrollable longings. like dakini and varnini, their friends and the masses will continuously remind them of their needs and wants (recalling the eleventh house) and feel as if the shatabhisha native owes them happiness and fulfillment.

✨sarah michelle-geller: shatabhisha chandra

💉 rahu is also associated with tattoos, especially the ardra nakshatra. as ardra is the planetary intermingling of the energies of rahu and buddha. buddha, who is also known for bestowing a love for tattoos, is a friend of rahu. rahu is illusionary in nature so the natives of rahu pay great attention to their appearance. in ardra, we see the use of tattoos to simply express who they are. like ardra native margot robbie who has stated many times she enjoys tattooing smiley faces on the toes of her friends. in swati, we see them using tattoos to help reinforce their image. think of swati native adriana lima who has a curved, sharp tattoo on her left ankle. she reportedly got this tattoo during her “rebellious” years and wanted something to commemorate it. in shatabhisha, we see these natives want to adorn themselves with something that is unique and conveys who they truly are. think of erykah badu (shatabhisha surya) who infamously got “allah” tattooed in arabic on her bare shoulders. rihanna (shatabhisha surya) who got the egyptian goddess isis under her breasts to pay tribute to her grandmother and matching star tattoos on the back of her neck to match her ex. this matching tattoo phenomena is a theme of shatabhisha. remember the matching tattoos in “baby” and “une fille facile”. victoria beckham (shatabhisha shukra and brihaspati) and david beckham got the same quote tattooed for their sixth anniversary. sophie turner (shatabhisha surya and mars) and joe jonas have several matching tattoos. macaulay caulkin (shatabhisha chandra) and paris jackson (shatabhisha brihaspati) got matching spoon tattoos. this all correlates to aquarius being the house of great friendship and rahu’s inclination for foreign bodily adornment and niche subcultures, birthing a significant need for finding themselves in hidden meanings (like tattoos, ouroboros, or other occultic topics).

✨drew barrymore: shatabhisha surya

👁 in shatabhisha, you either free yourself from the demands of others and the cyclical nature of life (chinnamasta) or drown in illusion (varuna). i want to close with exploring more of the meanings of ouroboros. in norse mythology, the ouroboros appears as the serpent, named jörmungandr, one of the three children of loki and angrboda. jörmungdar grew so large that it could encircle the world and grasp its tail in its teeth. according to the legends of ragnar lodbrok, the geatish king herraud offers a small lindworm as a gift to his daughter, рora town-hart, the lindworm grows into a large serpent which encircles his daughter’s bedroom and bites itself in the tail. the serpent is then slain by ragnar lodbrok who marries the daughter. ragnar later has a son with another woman named kráka. his son is born with the image of a white snake in one eye. the snake encircled his iris and bit itself in the tail, and, thus, the son was named sigurd snake-in-the-eye. amongst the indigenous people of south america, they believe that the waters at the edge of the disc-shaped world are encircled by a snake, particularly an anaconda, biting its own tail. even in the book of leviathan, the leviathan is a singular creature with no mating partners, whose “tail is placed in its mouth". the phenomena of ouroboros even goes back as far as the poems of kalir (a hebrew poet who wrote classical verses) in the 6th-7th centuries CE. the indigenous people of south america’s emphasis of the circulation of an anaconda around the earth is reminiscent of varuna (the deity of shatabhisha). varuna is the god of the oceans like the anaconda snake who theoretically encapsulates the ocean. varuna’s vehicle is the makara (the crocodile) like the movie “lake placid vs. anaconda”, starring yancy butler (shatabhisha ketu). it is a cheesy film about a town sheriff who has to find a way to kill a gigantic crocodile and anaconda before they kill and destroy the whole town. this is the essence of the uncontrollable nature of varuna. he is a deity that believes in the equilibrium harmony between the “good” and “bad”. these descriptive adjectives do not even exist to varuna, as he is the fluidic being of ether and water. he will allow you to reach your fullest potential and guide you through your earthly desires. hence, sigurd snake-in-the-eye who was born of the earthly desire of his father to move onto another woman. the child received a snake in his eye, both symbolizing the circulatory nature of shatabhisha and rahu’s bestowment of mesmerizing and maya-like (illusionary) eyes. this is due to the eyes being reportedly a “window to the soul”. the more captivating and mesmerizing your eyes are, the more intoxicating and beautiful your soul may seem.

✨cindy crawford: shatabhisha surya

as always, i am open to any constructive criticism! i tried to touch on the appearances, manifestations, and symbolism of shatabhisha and i hope i did these hypnotizing natives justice! shatabhisha is genuinely such an expansive, captivating, and transcendental nakshatra ⭕️🐍 these natives seem to always give off a completely otherworldly presence via their exotic features and them being the cosmic veil. if you are looking for more information about shatabhisha, get to know the overrulers and supreme deities of saturn, yama (god of death) and prajapati (the creator) and rahu, durga (the goddess of power) and the serpent god. also—and i cannot stress this enough—familiarize yourself with the deity of this nakshatra: varuna. if any of my placements or information are incorrect please feel free to let me know! also, i am fully aware of the origins of vedic astrology and if i was in anyway disrespectful to hindu culture, i will take down this post immediately xx

**all of these placements were found using astrotheme/.com and/or astro-charts/.com. it is important to note that some chandra (moon) placements may be off by up to 6 degrees and lagnas (risings) as well, due to the fact that many websites do not have 100% accurate birth times for the given celebrities.

**i take absolutely no credit for the invention of vedic astrology-based appearance profiles. please watch claire nakti on youtube or look into @/cn0bles, @/lovejustlied, @/dh4nishta, and @/vanillemercure on twitter for more in-depth analysis on vedic astrology xx

#shatabhisha #vedicastrology #rahu ketu #nakshatras #astrology #aquarius #aquarius moon #aquarius aesthetic

[the-ghost-king]

Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)

#nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #toa #percy jackson #will solace #solangelo

[thesibfiles]

Courtney going on tour right after?

Theres a misconception that after Kurts death, Courtney went straight on tour right away. This is false. The album was already set to release a few days after and they couldnt change that on such a short notice. Promotion for the album was cancelled and she pushed back the tour 4 months.

“Live Through This was supposed to provide Love an opportunity to step out from her famous husband’s shadow. “It’s annoying now, and it’s been annoying for nine years, Love said in a 1999 Jane Magazine interview of always being connected to Cobain. Released four days after Cobain’s body was found, the album’s promotion was put on hold. Rather than retreat from the public eye, Love openly mourned and helped fans of Cobain and Nirvana make sense of the singer’s death. She sat with grieving teenagers gathered outside the couple’s Seattle home and recorded a reading of parts of his suicide note that was played at the singer’s memorial that gathered near the Space Needle. In the days following his death, Love showed a very raw and emotional side and admitted that, like many fans, she didn’t have all the answers. 

It was, and still is, impossible for people to discuss Live Through This without noting the irony of the album’s title. Love has said the name was not a prediction at all, but instead a reflection of all she had endured in the months leading up to its release, including a very public custody fight with the Los Angeles Department of Family Services over daughter Frances Bean. Rumors suggested that Cobain had written much of Live Through This (it’s Miss World, not Mister, just FYI). “I’d be proud as hell to say that he wrote something on it, but I wouldn’t let him. It was too Yoko for me. It’s like, ‘No fucking way, man! I’ve got a good band, I don’t fucking need your help,’” was Love’s response to critics in Spin’s oral history of Live Through This. Love and Cobain often shared notebooks and lyrics with each other, and while there is talk of Cobain’s influence on Love’s work, or the writing of all of it, less is mentioned in the press of her impact on his lyrics and music. Rather than sucking all the life out of Nirvana or threatening the success of the band, like many assumed she would do, she inspired Cobain. Fun fact: In Utero, Nirvana’s last album, was named after a line from one of Love’s poems.

Sadly, songwriting rumors would be replaced by other rumors. Women are often vilified and condemned for the deaths of their male partners. Love, like all women, was supposed to save her partner from death and addiction. Fans of Cobain projected all their anger and resentment over the loss of the Nirvana front man onto Love, and soon she was blamed for not only his addiction but also his death. There are even two movies devoted to the theory that Courtney killed Kurt: the awful Soaked in Bleach (2015) and the equally awful Kurt & Courtney (1998). If you think we’ve come a long way, baby, sadly we haven’t. 

One year after Anthony Bourdain’s death, Asia Argento is still being blamed, and in September 2018, Ariana Grande had to take a break from social media after fans blamed her for the death of her ex Mac Miller. A few months later, she would be blamed for new beau Pete Davidson’s mental health and addiction issues. It’s amazing she finds the time to write hit songs what with all the dude destruction she has going on. When women are not being blamed for the deaths of the men in their lives, they are being attacked for not grieving properly. “She wasn’t crying. She’s got $30 million coming to her. Do you blame her for being so cool?” a hospital staffer said of Yoko Ono following John Lennon’s murder in 1980. 

About four months after Cobain’s death, Love went on tour to promote her new album. Some questioned and judged why she would go on tour so soon, but Love has said it was a necessity. She had a young daughter to support. She needed to work. She also, sadly, still needed to prove herself. “I would like to think that I’m not getting the sympathy vote, and the only way to do that is to prove that what I’ve got is real,” Love told Rolling Stone in 1994.

Twenty-five years later, Cobain’s death still hangs over Live Through This. In the days leading up to the anniversary of Cobain’s death, former Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur wrote an open letter to music magazine Kerrang saying she “would not stand for Kurt’s death overshadowing the life and work of the women he left behind this year.”

“We were extremely well designed for each other,” Love has said of her relationship with Cobain. In a letter reprinted in Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love, she calls him “my everything. the top half on my fraction.” The two had similar upbringings, both came from broken homes and spent childhoods shuttling between relatives and friends. They both grew up longing for love and acceptance. When we tell the story of Kurt and Courtney we talk about drugs and destruction, but we don’t talk enough about love.

The two also shared an intense drive and ambition. “I didn’t want to marry a rock star, I wanted to be one,” Love said in a 1992 Sassy interview. Evidence of her drive can be found in the many notes and to-do lists she kept, some of which are collected in Dirty Blonde. There are reminders to send her acting résumé to agencies, to write three to four new songs a week, to “achieve L.A. visibility.” A scene in the documentary Kurt & Courtney features an ex of Love’s reading from one of her to-do lists, which has “become friends with Michael Stipe” as the number one task to complete (not only did Love do this, but he is her daughter’s godfather). This ambition is not surprising from a woman who, when she was younger, mailed a tape of herself singing to Neil Sedaka in hopes of getting signed. Love knew what she wanted at an early age, and what she wanted was fame.

She was certainly living by the “do not hurt yourself, destroy yourself, mangle yourself to get the football captain. Be the football captain!” motto she championed in the 1995 documentary Not Bad for a Girl. Ambition is often a dirty word when it is used to describe women and Love is no exception. She has been repeatedly described as calculating and controlling when she should be rewarded for her blond ambition and viewed as an inspiration. Critics and the press often call her a gold digger who only married Cobain for fame and money. They fail to mention that when the two met Pretty on the Inside was actually selling more copies than Bleach, Nirvana’s debut album. Even post-Kurt, Love’s intentions were always under scrutiny. On the Today Show to do press for The People vs. Larry Flynt, Love refused to talk about her past drug use, despite the host’s repeated questions, saying the topic was not an appropriate fit for the show’s demographic. She was right, but it didn’t stop a writer from describing the move as “calculating” in a 1998 Spin piece.

Cobain was ambitious too; he was just much slyer and more secretive about it. He was known to call his manager and complain when MTV didn’t play Nirvana’s videos enough, and he would correct journalists who misquoted the band’s sales figures in interviews. While success is typically celebrated and rewarded for men and it certainly was for Cobain, he also had to be mindful of the slacker generation that loved Nirvana and greeted success — and especially mainstream success —

While female celebrities like Love are criticized for their rebellion, male celebrities, like Cobain for example, are celebrated and mythologized for it. Cobain and Love both struggled with addiction, but it is Love who is repeatedly vilified for her drug use. “She was vilified for being a mess, for being a drug addict, for not being a great parent — in other words, all of the things we expect in a male rock star,” said Bust magazine in a piece in the magazine’s 20th anniversary issue, which featured Love on the cover.

We make jokes about the drug antics of male celebrities from Keith Richards to Charlie Sheen, idolizing their debauchery and depravity. The new Netflix/Lifetime movie by Jack Daniels, The Dirt, about Mötley Crüe, takes the band’s excesses to almost comic levels. Check out crazy tourmate Ozzy Osbourne snorting a line of ants by a hotel pool! Such zany antics! I would love to see Lindsay Lohan try to get away with that. We never allow women to live down their arrests and their addictions, but we repeatedly allow men to have a redemption arc. Robert Downey Jr. was in and out of jail and on and off drugs for much of the mid to late ’90s, but we rarely, if ever, talk about his past.

When Love isn’t being attacked for her addiction issues, she is being judged for her parenting. Love’s first unflattering press was “Strange Love,” the much publicized 1992 Vanity Fair profile by Lynn Hirschberg. While the piece talks at length about Love’s drug use and constantly questions her parenting ability, it doesn’t paint Cobain in the same light. “It is appalling to think that she would be taking drugs when she knew she was pregnant,” says one close friend in the piece. Hirschberg relies on many unnamed sources and focuses often on the tabloid-like aspects of Love’s life and addictions. “Courtney has a long history with drugs. She loves Percodans (‘They make me vacuum’), and has dabbled with heroin off and on since she was eighteen, once even snorting it in Room 101 of the Chelsea Hotel, where Nancy Spungen died,” she writes. “Reportedly, Kurt didn’t do much more than drink until he met Courtney.” (Even when it is reported by Kurt and Krist that Kurt tried heroin in 1989, way before Courtney, It was also known that he smoked weed and used caugh syrup to get high in 1989 and 1990.)

This double standard was common in coverage of the couple. In Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck, the 2015 documentary by Brett Morgen, Love asks her husband, “Why does everyone think you’re the good one and I’m the bad one?” Later in the film we see a scene of Frances Bean’s first haircut. The child sits on Cobain’s lap while Love searches for a comb and scissors. The camera shows Cobain nodding off, and while he maintains that he is just tired, it’s clear he’s not. The scene is painful to watch, especially because those around Cobain carry on like nothing in wrong, giving the feeling this is just like any other day in the Love-Cobain household. The scene is a reminder of how the press treated Cobain’s addiction when he was alive. They just carried on like nothing was wrong, instead directing all their judgement at Love.

#courtneylove #courtney love #hole #grunge #nirvana #kurt cobain #kurtcobain #90s

[pondermoniums]

A Rant Nobody Asked for About Stranger Things season 3.

feat. my personal pet peeves.

Disclaimer: when I first watched Stranger Things 3, I massively enjoyed it. I thought it finally captured the 80s aesthetic and vibe with the colors, the neon, and music. I even enjoyed it the SECOND time I watched it, although I was officially aware of some major flaws by that point.

1. The Coca Cola flex.

CocaCola has been all over this show ever since Tommy handed Steve one as a makeshift ice pack after his fight with Jonathan in s1. And then by season 3 it’s just....obnoxious???? And so unnecessary??? Karen Wheeler’s drinking one by the pool in episode one. Billy knocks into someone during his first day being flayed, and a coke rolls over the concrete.

LUCAS DOES AN ENTIRE MONOLOGUE ABOUT NEW COKE.

I mean, Jesus, we get it. CocaCola basically owns Georgia, where a lot of American TV shows are filmed.....but......you’re literally CocaCola. This kind of flex is entirely unnecessary and therefore pathetic.

2. Karen and Billy

Okay, listen. I thought their interaction in season 2 was H I L A R I O U S.  But I’m someone who has looked 21 since I was 14, thanks to being an early bloomer. I get it. The cocky prowess of looking older than your peers. Getting to look adults in the eye and get that tiny bit of respect with nothing more than just looking like they do. And, as a writer, the contrast between thirsty, older Karen with young and equally thirsty Billy is an odd pair of puzzle pieces that fit really hilariously - largely because it’s so unexpected, maybe. And frankly, I think it’s one of the first scenes where Dacre’s acting really made my eyes fall out of my head, he did so well.

But it should have ended there.

I’ve been to a LOT of public pools in my day (I’m 26 but hush), and I have NEVER seen older women thirsting over the lifeguards. Ever. It’s predatory - an attribute most women understand all too well - unprofessional, and just downright gross. Their whole interaction in s3 is for “the male lens,” which Hollywood really needs to figure out by now is outdated, predatory, disgusting, and not good writing.

3. Glossing over Billy Chugging Chemicals

Bouncing off of #2, is Karen’s total negligence of Billy’s condition. Many people have pointed it out before, but a row of mothers being completely ???? about Billy’s condition is a raging red flag of bad writing.

(Also that it was written by men, because women are hard-wired to be super aware of other women - a tactic of living on guard in a man’s world all the damn time. So you can always count on a mother, grandmother, or a brave teen/20-something to be the one to walk up to a person who doesn’t look well in order to check on them, even if you’re complete strangers. It’s happened to me, and I’ve done this for other people.)

These women literally stare at him for every shift of work he has, and they.....don’t do anything????

Karen WALKS IN ON HIM DRINKING CHLORINE. It actually took me the second watch-through to realize what he was doing in that storage room, and god, my heart just broke. It’s the only time we actually see a glimpse of Billy making himself flayed like the others. It’s so fleeting (maybe because we already get so much pain from his plot, and we do see what happens with the other flayed people) but it’s also one of the reasons, I think, that we have a whole fanbase ready and eager for his return.

We didn’t get a good glimpse of him poisoning himself to the point that he has to rely on the MindFlayer to stay alive. I’m not saying any of us want that, no way, but that’s my personal headcanon: in s2, Will was super protected and therefore capable of being separated from the Flayer. All of the Flayed IMMEDIATELY low-key drowned themselves in ice water to lower their temperature, and then chugged chemicals. They all die twice.

4. Billy. Just......Billy.

This poor boy’s plot was so pointless. It’s a special thing: creating such a good character and then doing fuck-all with him. The moment you realize his only purpose in season 2 was an introduction is....the beginning of a lot of disappointment. And no, he DIDN’T serve as an antagonist for Steve, because what happened? He slowed Steve down.

That’s it.

He doesn’t keep Steve from helping the kids in the tunnels. He doesn’t break him and Nancy up. He doesn’t gloriously out Steve’s bisexuality to the town by being his shameless lover.

He literally does nothing except just......be there? Looking gorgeous and providing a juxtaposing characterization for Max. That’s all. Billy’s treated like an accessory.

Then we arrive to season 3 and....I guess the only justification for his plot is sort of classic Greek tragic hero. He’s the new Keg King whose hubris makes him stand too long outside the warehouse, and thus, his downfall.

But here’s what’s wrong with that: Steve Harrington.

We were so spoiled with good writing for Steve. Steve had an incredibly refreshing and valid character AND redemption arc. Frankly, all the good writing goes to Steve in this show, so we expected the same writing to go to the other douche bag king of the show.

And we didn’t get it.

5. 80s Bullshit vs. Modern Audience

You can tell they’re trying to straddle the line between, “this is how people talked back then,” and, “this pertains to a modern audience.”

Example: Mike saying to Will, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.”

I know they did multiple takes of this scene with different variations of this line, and that’s the one the editors settled with. Regardless, I know I am not the only person who screeched with rainbow pride for Will’s sake. And it’s not the first time they’ve touched on very hot modern topics. Hopper touches on homophobia in season 1 - a fact I completely missed until I read an interview where the actor, David Harbor, mentions it, himself. Then I rewatched season 1 and realized, sure enough, he reacts poorly when Joyce tells him that Lonnie calls Will a f*g. It’s not even fatherly, “that should be my son, how dare he.” It’s straight up, “this kid might not be worth finding if he’s gay.”

Of course there’s the more obvious occasions where Steve calls Jonathan a queer and Neil Hargrove should come with his own neon trigger sign. Slut is a term that’s carelessly thrown around (as high schoolers are wont to do, sure).

But the thing that’s bothered me the most is Steve saying to Billy, “Were you dropped too much on your head as a child, or what?”

Maybe it’s just me being extremely sensitive to mental health stuff (also, WHY does Steve ironically get all the triggering lines? lol), plus he says it very soon after we finally know why Billy behaves the way he does. Just.....*long sigh*. I hurt, okay. Some parts of this show really hurt, and I don’t like “it was the 80s” as an excuse.

6. Lucas and Kali or, the Diversity Check Marks

One black kid. One. Then they gave him a sister. Cool. Somebody give these people BLM awards.

*eyes roll so hard my cat chases them across the floor*

You know what this reminds me of? The East Asian actor who trended in movies like The Goonies and Indiana Jones.

The only thing that even remotely makes this small drop of diversity okay, is that they made Lucas a major player in The Party, and cast a dope actress to be Erica Sinclair, and likewise made her a linchpin in the Scoops Troop plot.

But touching back to #5, you can’t use “it’s the 80s” as an excuse, nor can you say, “it’s white bread Indiana.”

BUT but but but Kali!!!!

You mean the character in one episode? Two, if you count the opening of season 2.

Listen. For all the bipoc folks who wonder, “Do white people realize how.....WHITE everything is?” as a white person, I can absolutely say: 

Yes. We. Do. Fucking. Notice.

• • • • •

Well. That’s all lol If you made it this far, I’m sorry and thanks lol 

Tip your artists and comment on fics because lord knows that where my seratonin comes from.

#ponder ponders #stranger things #billy hargrove #steve harrington #a sprinkling of #harringrove #i could probably find more things to nit pick #but these have been the biggest ones #might delete #rant

[mantra4ia]

Debris: speculation and what we know so far about...

Bryan

The character is from Texas, has no siblings, and his parents are both alive.

He served in MARSOC (Marine Special Forces) in Afghanistan, where he was in a military prison in some capacity (officer or detainee unclear, but an alternate reality he's called a war criminal, so he's likely detained).

FWIW, I'm a little surprised that in an alternative reality Bryan wasn't a part of Influx. He shares a similar kind of backstory with Anson Ash.

He carries a baseball on the plane like a momento stress ball (1x03).

He eats...a lot, literally thinks with his stomach, seemingly indiscriminately (#you could just pull up a chair to the buffet). Stale Peeps, weeks old sandwiches, rewarmed burritos, anything from the minibar, etc. Maybe he was a smoker in the time before and it killed his sense of taste. Or he just has an iron stomach from his time on active duty. In any case, food seems to be his unconditional OTP. I request a GIF supercut.

He seems to know a bunch of field operatives (Lester, Sharon, John the ME, Muntz, Beck from containment) from various Orbital teams, perhaps even worked cases with a few, along with everyone in Maddox's office. He's very cordial so presumably he likes them, but in stark contrast at least half seem to decidedly dislike him with baiting antagonism, some openly hostile. Sharon: "why are you smirking at me Bryan?" Muntz, the Laghari lab tech: "I've come across plenty like you...men who play by their own rules." Beck: "They only send in the A-team when they want the agents to survive...easy for you to say, I'm the one who had to tell his wife". No wonder he feels a bit ostracized. Perhaps his reputation (impulsive?) proceeds him or perhaps he's been labeled an "unlucky" partner that misfortune follows so he gets kept at a distance?

The exception to the above seems to be Gary Garcia, the former scientist that helps hide George. May be former partners if the audio during credit rolls is any indication, and knows about Bryan's health / injections. They appear close. Perhaps because they share a mentality: both presumably injured in their line of work at Orbital, and they know what it means to have to rely on yourself.

When we meet Finola and Bryan, it seems like they've been working together for a few weeks, stateside at least (Finola's quote 1x02: Been here 3 weeks, feels like 3 years) and that he's had at least two Orbital partners prior, one (Julian / Jules) that died on duty, and the other creepy Dutch guy still living, Niels. How many more partners has he been through? Is it protocol that they get reassigned/shuffled so often to follow the debris, or so as not to form attachments "This job is about being alone, it's supposed to be...we're a blip in other people's lives", or does his personality not play well with others, like from the pilot when he tells Finola "it's been a long time since I've worked with somebody who's looked at me like another human being."

Also in 1x01 when Bryan says, "So are we now saying the debris pulled [Kieran] from the ground and added meat to his bones" and Finola says no, he was cremated, Bryan looks almost disappointed like he was momentarily more hopeful than pragmatic. At first I thought this was just a lead up to introducing the fact that George Jones was alive, but maybe another plot point is that Bryan has lost someone in duty he wants back.

He carries a picture in his front pocket of a woman with some Persian/ Farsi(?) or Urdu(?) written on the back. It's hard to tell by the script, it could be neither. When confronted by that, his clone says "I can't let it go." Old flame that was lost? Or a partner of a fallen service member killed in action —I've lost brothers— that he couldn't save (is that part of Bryan's dark guilt / grief)? Civilian casualty of a Marine mission? In the pilot when he tells Isla "you have to tell her how much you need her, I know from experience...You will not be able to forgive yourself if you don't" is Bryan thinking of this woman?

EDIT: considering the next episode is called "Asalah," which could be a woman's name, maybe that's part of the text on the back of the photo. Pure speculation.

He counts on himself to be level and composed when it comes to his emotions and apologizes when he isn't. He loses that composure in the pilot when Isla talks about family therapy and fighting with her mother after Kieran's death: "I knew someone like her once." Was Bryan referring to himself, has he been through post-service therapy? Perhaps he developed a rift with his family or left home at an early age like she did?

Bryan would be great at pub trivia night. He always seems to have an odd fact ready about NASA tech, native legends, an article about a historical building that he read, Fleetwood PA, etc. He doesn't seem the type to keep facts on standby to impress, so perhaps he's a secret bibliophile even though Finola hassles him for not reading case files.

"Fin: Maybe we should run some more tests before we continue/ Bryan: I will cut bait if you want to / Fin; let's just look out for each other" 1x02 Bryan seems more cautious than impulsive, he does a good job of listening to Finola's concerns. Is that from experience? Did he get overconfident, mishandle debris, and get permanently injured, hence the frequent blood work and injections?

"This man saved my life." Why does Bryan trust Maddox implicitly? And when Maddox says in 1x07 "Investigate quietly. I want to keep the lights off. I don't want to lose anymore lives, Bryan, okay?" is that a word of warning specially for him? Does he have a body count? (see afforementioned question of frequent work partners turnover and having an unlucky reputation)

Bryan in protective of Finola when the CIA taps her apartment. It's the straw that turns his allegiance from his agency to his partner.

I still can't place why Bryan carries a baseball — it seems like it could be a red herring, but I can't get over the visual of Maddox playing catch with Dario and reading into it as some sort of surrogate bond — or why he has a chain around his neck (1x05). It's not service tags and probably not a ring, it's some kind of pendant: a large loop encircling a dull, perhaps tarnished, gray metallic disc. A patron saint? A piece of shrapnel? A piece of debris? Unclear, but it definitely has texture or an etching.

Top Bryan Quotes

"That's the job. Impossible." 1x01 Pilot

"We are supposed to be blips in these people's lives, not memories." 1x04 In Universe

"It's been a long time since I've worked with somebody who's looked at me like another human being." 1x01

"Zippo lighters, Pyrex glassware, Crayola crayons, and of course Peeps. Insane for peeps, cracklike...we owe the people of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania a great deal of gratitude and I am not afraid to say it." 1x02 You Are Not Alone

"I've been thinking, [about] Finola.. if MI6 knew her father was still alive they would take her out of here. We need to get home before this becomes an issue...this is going to affect her." 1x03 Solar Winds, when he's not sure how her father will affect her empathetic-based decision-making

Craig: "You hated the creepy Dutch guy." / Bryan: "He was adorable."

"Well, one of my tips for survival, Muntz, is always let the other guy touch the debris first." 1x03 So is that what happened to Garcia?

To Finola "I realize I tend to forget that there's still magic to discover in the world. But not you." 1x03

"There are things that you understand about life that I don't, and I respect that. But there are things that I know that you will not find very palatable...I am going to focus on the people that we're saving and not the ones that we can't." 1x04

"If we don't act, we might not be able to stop the terraforming. There's no way we're going to be able to win all these, and I know that every cell in your body right now is screaming for you to do what you think is right. I need you to go against that. I need you to trust me." 1x04

"Finola's capable. I trust her instincts." 1x08 Spaceman

"I'm running on sugar and coffee for the rest of the day" 1x07 You Can Call Her Caroline, but really isn't that Bryan everyday?

"When I tell you that I understand, it's not empty...I lost brothers. It destroys families. There are people who can help you with what you're going through right now...There is a way to get back from this pain. I was where you were, and the darkness almost ended me. And somebody put out his hand... I want to be there for you." 1x07

"I'm trying to get back to someone. It's very important to me." 1x09 Do You Know Icarus?

#nbc debris #bryan beneventi #character study #finola jones #craig maddox #sci fi #also shout-out to his Jay Kulina Elvis glasses in 1x04 #can somebody read that photo? #renew Debris

[nexyra]

I got an ask for Qrow Branwen so here it comes !

My fav ship(s) for the character

I think my favorite ships for Qrow are Cloqwork and Fair Game ! Cloqwork lacked screentime in terms of canon content of course, but I love the potential here. I also have a things for shipping the sad men together xD There are a lot of REALLY great Cloqwork fanfics out there and I love seeing people write about these two <3 It's in the details but I think there's something interesting here. With Qrow who is convinced to be a curse, who came from such a harsh background... And with Ozpin who is so convinced of humanity's inherent goodness and that anyone deserves a chance. At the same time they're both very complicated people who I think would interact in cool ways. Ozpin is wise but does have a mischievous streak that I think also helped in making them both get along. Qrow is much more perceptive than he appears and that's also good for dealing with someone as secretive as Ozpin.

Fair Game also had a very good start ! The relationship was admittedly a bit tilted toward Qrow's recovery in the show, but they were nice to see together. Clover was perceptive & caring as well as patient. All great qualities for a relationship with Qrow, who has a hard time breaking down his walls and a shot mental health. At the same time, Atlas is very professional, straight-to-the-point and I think Qrow is a real breath of fresh hair in that environment. He brings a different viewpoint to the table, he's very loyal & caring and it's clear that his sass amused Clover greatly. We didn't get to learn enough about him, but Clover's VA hinted that Clover's trust was a fragile thing and he wasn't a fan of showing vulnerability. Qrow, who gives everything he has in all his relationships, would have been a great balm for that uncertainty. So yeah !

My least favorite ship(s) for the character

There are, of course, any & all ships between Qrow & the kids or Qrow & Salem's team. But outside of these obvious "nope", I'll have to go with Jailbirds. This is COMPLETELY personal but I have a really hard time liking Robyn's character as of V7 end/V8 so I'm barely interested in her dynamic with Qrow. I did appreciate her talking down Qrow from revenge because he was only doing it for his own sake but... That's about it. I find her way too abrasive (hidden behind her shiny Robinhood looks). And whereas Clover (imo) was pretty good at getting Qrow to face his issus head-on & building him up, I feel like Robyn relies more on humour & deflection... Which is an art Qrow is already acquainted with, and not the best coping mechanism for him. Aaaand I just feel like she put Clover down several time in order to lift Qrow up. That, plus the queerbaiting controversy, plus her having indirectly participated to Clover's death... The ship makes me a bit uncomfortable.

My fav & least fav platonic relationship(s) for the character

My fav platonic relationship for Qrow is his bond with Ruby ! I really hope they bring it back because these two were GREAT together. Ruby's admiration was adorable. Qrow's nonchalent but clearly protective streak. They care about each other A LOT and I really loved them together. I hope they can have more moments together like back in V3-V4 or V6.

I'm not sure what my least liked platonic relationship would be. Saying Robyn again feels like beating on a dead horse but I don't really have a problem with any other ones. They're all, if not kind & good for him, at least interesting (like Raven)

My favorite thing about the character

The combination of his sassy/cynic personnality and how loyal & caring of a person he actually he is. Qrow is rough around the edges, leans easily into banter but he cares so damn much. He fit so easily next to Ruby's peppy enthusiasm in Vol 1-3, and then he was just an incredible badass and yet so damn vulnerable human in Vol 4-6. I liked that about him. How all the pieces fit together

My biggest criticism for the character

Well I have 2 things to say about that. First : V7C12 With Friends like these. What the fuck was this episode qkfazkfhkgh Qrow's brain was nerfed SO DAMN HARD, I was genuinely pissed while watching the episode. This was just a string of dumb decisions from everyone except Tyrian. But I digress -

In a more general sense, I'd say... putting Qrow in the sidelines. Him falling further into depression was a sound decision. It was interesting and fitting of his character imo. But I feel like they tied "Ruby having enough of his alcooholism" and "Ruby growing away from adults" in a way that kind of.... just put Qrow to the side and doesn't allow him to do much. In V6 finale, Qrow expresses understandable concerns about their plan to steal an airship, but instead of dealing with that Ruby's frustration with his cynicism is aired out and... the timing kind of makes the whole thing weird becaus Qrow isn't allowed to disagree with their plan ("we'll do it with you or without you") and then has to trust Ruby and let her go which AGAIN is a great moment in itself. But all that put together just like... rid Qrow of his function as a parental figure because Ruby is the leader now and he's just... kind of following along.

When was their writing at the peak according to me (ex : best season)

Okay for this one Q, I'll have to go with Vol 4 and Vol 6 for very different reasons. V4 was great because we really got to get to know Qrow. His complicated relationship with Raven. How BADASS his encounter with Tyrian was I freaking loved it. What his semblance and how it shaped his life. And it also let him be vulnerable through the poison & seeing Ruby repay his care was very nice.

Vol 6 for fleshing out, taking his issues & drinking more seriously. Showing more hopelesness and cynicism, and that he had a real drinking problem and he wasn't just a fun drunk. Plus the loss of faith in Oz showed how much Qrow needs stability and secure certainties to orbit around despite his nonchalant personnality. But I like it a bit less because it was the starting point of putting him on the side kind of.

A song I think fits them & why

Ship in a Bottle (Steffan Argus) ➸ A song about being alone in your fight, in the sense that your life is like a sail on the ocean and you are the only captain, the only one who can choose what to do with it. At the same time, there are several mentions of a "captain" as if the singer/Qrow adresses someone else. It's reminiscent of his relation with Ozpin or Clover : speaking of a deal, of being honest and sharing what's on your mind. Qrow thinks too much, he's scared and he sinks more & more as he delves into his cynicism (V6). Qrow cries, things get worse, the mention of the glass echoes his struggle with alcooholism. And the Scarewrow loses his brain, "lose touch with all the things that made [him] feel sane."

+ Problem child (Simple Plan) The Star song (Amanda Palmer) Would anyone care (Citizen Soldier) Wasted (8 Graves)

A headcanon to make up about them

Qrow didn't have the most normal childhood and because of that he had to learn a lot for Ruby & Yang. Notably, Qrow had absolutely 0 notion of what was an appropriate presents for young girls. As a result, he tended to simply bring back from his travels whatever shiny thing might have caught his attention. Could be a weird flower. Could be a pretty knife. Or even junk that his corvid brain latched upon.

Tai designed a look(Tm) that Qrow learned to recognize as "No, not appropriate." After a while, Yang learned to mimick it (but rather at random, she didn't really recognze what was appropriate and what wasn't). Ruby always liked his presents though.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

I CLEARLY would rewrite V7C12 so that Qrow & Clover keep their brains kzjhfkqhzk There were ways to reach the same conclusion without like... having a Qrow-Tyran team-up which was REALLY weird

I see 2 main possibilities to stick close to canon content - After the crash, Tyrian gets free but he keeps playing dead for a bit. Since there is no 3rd menace, Clover and Qrow's argument devolve into a fight as seen in canon. At one point, Clover manages to briefly disarm Qrow. They discuss for a bit, you can even put the exact same dialog as in the ep. Then Tyrian takes action, moving out of the shadows to kill Clover with Qrow's discarded weapon. Braincells saved. OR - Instead of having Qrow & Tyrian outright team up, Tyrian just... keeps instillating doubts in their mind. Qrow & Clover are temporarily allies in taking Tyrian down but because of this, they don't TRUST each other which cause missteps and make them less effective. At one point, Qrow tries to attack Tyrian who is behind Clover. But because neither Qrow nor Clover really have faith in the other at that moment (and because Tyrian is poisonning their mind), Clover automatically steps back or aside. He doesn't entirely trust Qrow. Because of this small hesitation, Qrow's attack fails. Tyrian manages to disarm him. Tyrian uses Qrow's weapon to kill Clover. There could even be some message here about the lack of Trust & letting Salem divide friends... something of that caliber in any case 🤔 It can even parallel V3 where Qrow did the same thing with Ironwood & Ironwood refused to stand aside even if he thought Qrow meant to attack him... Could lead somewhere ! Like, in V3 Qrow had faith that Ironwood wasn't to blame. Only Ironwood feared that Qrow blamed him, but Qrow knew & trusted that Ironwood wasn't to blame. In other words, Salem didn't divide them. Here, Qrow & Clover let Tyrian get into their head. And as a result Clover dies. "Together we stand, Divided we fall"

My guess for their MBTI/Enneagram

I'm still mulling on it right now but I think he might be some kind of ISTP 416. He has some weird 7ish behaviour but his need to orbit around someone/a goal, his relationship with Oz, how close he stuck to Tai & Summer sounds closer to 6 fix. He wants people to go home to. Certainty and security. His independance definitely is there but seems emphasized moreso out of necessity.

One aspect that I think would be nice to delve deeper into ? (optional)

I'm not sure mhmmm maybe his relationship with Summer ? It would be both cute & interesting. As well as finally giving us insight into who Summer was

#rwby #qrow branwen #rwde #rwby thoughts #send asks #cloqwork #fair game #v7ch12 #with friends like these #v7 spoilers #character song #enneagram #mbti #rwby rewrite

[narcissasdaffodil]

what are the things you like and dislike about Marisol and what makes her your favourite?

I love any excuse to ramble about Marisol, so this one will likely get long. In addition, I do ramble a lot naturally, I work my way through all of my thoughts first, so some stuff I write about might appear unrelated, but I promise I’m going somewhere here! As a second note, this has already started turning into a self analysis thing, but I feel that’s the easiest way to do this. Parts of what I’m writing are very personal here.

- Marisol’s a character who’s really close to my heart. When I first played the game I fell for both her and Lottie at first sight. Her route is my favourite route, I struggle with simple and easy routes and am a sucker for a good slow burn. When I first played Season 2, I was starting to recover with my own mental health issues and building myself as a person while learning to not treat myself badly for my own mental health. I’ve experienced further self growth in that time, but the game itself helped me go further with my self journey. Having a distraction that absorbed me so fully and got me interested in the journeys of the characters was appreciated during that time.

- It took me a while to fully come out myself as a lesbian and to sort out who I believed I truly was from the mess in my head. Part of that was due to having a heavily homophobic ex bestfriend so for my own safety I came out as bisexual and let myself believe I was bi, so I could avoid extra questions. Once I was free from her, I came out fully as a lesbian, as I realised how much of my beliefs about myself with my sexuality were a lie and that it was okay to not be attracted to men at all. The reason I’m mentioning this is mainly that I understand her fear about coupling up and why it took so long for her to face her fear there. I saw so much of my younger self in her, and I do relate to her heavily in addition. Actually coming out fully can be difficult, especially if you’re uncertain at the start, or have doubts whether the people around you will be accepting.

- I do understand her commitment issues, especially if she’s been burned in the past. I’ve never been in a relationship at all myself, and am in no rush to do that. I want to do it in the future, but on my terms and when I’m comfortable enough with myself. Being single and never having had a relationship isn’t something I’m ashamed of either, real life isn’t how they portray in the media and wanting to wait and being single in general shouldn’t be stigmatised. People have judged me for waiting before, but I just block that out. Marisol pretending she doesn’t want commitment is likely a defence mechanism to prevent herself getting hurt again. When she finally couples up with MC, she lets go from her previous reservations and becomes very loving and fiercely loyal, which proves she does want commitment but is scared of it.

- I relate to her with the analysing people too. I do that myself as a defence mechanism as I’ve been hurt in the past multiple times by ex friends and other people. So I have to gain an accurate reading on people before I can trust them fully. That still does cause issues for me as I mess up still, but most of my readings on people have been accurate, especially recently. I base whether I like someone on their interactions with others as well as myself, mainly as people can and do be two faced. I’ve had people suck up to me, and be rude to my friends and I’ve also had the reverse.

- I love her growth during her route and it helps give me hope myself that I can eventually get better at trusting people and allowing myself to be more vulnerable with people. I was so happy when she finally coupled up with MC, I found myself doing a happy squeal and was relieved to have the house to myself! It takes a lot for me to have a connection to a character, but once I do I care with all of my heart.

- To follow on from the analysing people point, something else I remembered. Analysis can definitely come from being isolated, which I can confirm there. From Year 1 until Year 4 of primary school, I was entirely alone as my only friend had left me, which had a serious impact on me. It landed me with a fear of rejection so I preferred to be alone. I’m still working through that and helping myself grow. Having connections with people does scare me, a lot, so I do find myself scaring people off by accident or not trying at all. Connections usually appear from people seeking me out, I’ve gained actual people recently through that. People abandoning me will always be a worry for me, which is why I do find myself apologising far too much and doing everything I can to maintain connections with people until there’s a valid reason to let them go.

- I also struggle with being open and vulnerable with my feelings so I can relate heavily to her there. I have to have a strong connection with someone or trust them enough to properly be honest with them. Meaningful connections do take a while to develop for me. She also feels so real and true to life, that’s something I’d likely say about most of the characters of this game.

- She’s also very observant and picks up the subtleties of people in general. I do that too, but I don’t base my entire reading off my observations and what I hear from others. A weakness for her is likely her tendency to rely heavily on reading people over getting to know them herself, and basing her perceptions of people on her observations.

- She can come across as quite cold on first impression which I relate to. I’m like an onion or a pineapple, my spiky exterior/ multiple layers put people off getting to know me, but once they get past my walls and spiky exterior I’m a very warm and loving person. That observation there is based off what people have told me. I do scare people off without meaning to. Marisol as a character does divide opinions herself, which makes sense. I tend to lean towards characters who are more underrated and divide opinions, the more popular characters don’t tend to draw my attention. There’s been exceptions to that rule, and it’s not deliberate either, it’s just the type I automatically default to. Once Marisol trusts people and lets down her walls she’s so loving and so warm. That’s definitely something I’m drawn to in a LI, someone who you have to work through their layers to find who they truly are.

-She’s also very ambitious, which is something we do share there. I do have life goals and have been called intelligent by a lot of people. She’s pretty stubborn and set in her opinions too, which I also relate to. I have experienced personal growth opinions wise, but it has to be me making the decision and coming to that realisation myself. Marisol’s like that too, I feel.

- Right, this is getting so super long! If you’re still with me, wow. Anyway, something I dislike about her is definitely the game playing. Having her use Graham to try and make MC jealous is pretty cold, especially when Graham actually liked her. Playing through Casa did hurt for that reason. I was slightly hesitant about taking her from him, as they seemed to be really compatible during Casa, but I worked through that pretty quickly due to her being the only one I was compatible with.

I think that’s finally it, in terms of analysis points. This has been sitting about for a while, so I’ll finally publish it!

#litg #litg marisol #love island the game #litgs2 #answered asks #asks