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smileysuh · 1 year

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ice cold, cabin fever - part 2

🌙 staring. Seungcheol & Mingyu x afab!Reader

🔮 preview. "come on, let’s just go back to snakes and ladders and you can pretend we’re not snowed in with no firewood and a dude you hate locked in the bathroom."

cw/ tw. threesome, daddy issues, mean/tsundere cheol, wet dreams, spanking, marking, dirty talk, choking, unprotected sex, pain kink, dacryphilia, breast play, praise, degradation, fingering, oral, hand job, blow job, multiple orgasms, overstim, edging, orgasm denial, manhandling, size kink, cumplay, finger sucking, spit roasting, hair pulling, voyeurism, I petnames. (hers) princess, bitch, whore, baby (s.coups) cheol, douche, dick, daddy (mingyu) gyu.

👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 25.9k

🍭 aus. e2l, s2l, step brothers Jihan, non idol, ski resort, roomies, etc...

☀️ mlist + inspo. 🙂 🙂 🙂 I pls note. this fic was too long to put in one post, so read part 1 first here :)

16: Tuesday- morning

When Mingyu wakes up, he goes through the routine motions; first, he looks at you, admiring you’re pretty face for a few moments, and then, his eyes shift to Cheol.

When he finds Seungcheol fast asleep, Mingyu’s taken aback, and he decides to wait for his friend to wake up before going for breakfast.

An hour passes in the quiet of the cabin before Mingyu is texting his other friends to see if they’re doing anything.

Boredom does not agree with Kim Mingyu, and soon, he finds himself pulling on a jacket to go down the snowy path to join Jeonghan and Joshua at breakfast.

“Cheol’s really still sleeping?” Joshua asks in shock upon Mingyu’s arrival.

“What were you three up to last night that knocked out mister early riser?” Jeonghan presses while he gnaws on some bacon.

“We watched a movie-” Mingyu starts to explain, stealing a piece of toast from the many plates of food in front of his friends, “I went to sleep early, and I’m not sure when they eventually went to bed.”

The brothers exchange a glance that has Mingyu’s skin tingling with annoyance.

“Don’t do that!” he insists.

“Do what?” Jeonghan cocks his head to the side, but there’s a small grin on his face, and Mingyu gets the feeling he knows exactly what he’d just done.

“Exchange glances like that,” Mingyu groans. “Just say what you two are thinking, I hate having to guess.”

“I think Jeonghan and I were just… surprised that you’d go to bed and leave those two awake to do… whatever they got up to.”

“Whatever they got up to,” Mingyu echoes, rolling his eyes. “You guys make it sound like they were fucking while I was asleep.”

Jeonghan shrugs. “Maybe they were. How would you know? You were sleeping.”

“You know,” Mingyu puts his hands flat on the table, leaning back in his chair to stretch his arms out, “you guys are usually pretty smart, but this whole trip- I think you’ve both been seeing things that aren’t there.”

“Or maybe we’ve been seeing things you’re too caught up in our step-sister to notice,” Jeonghan suggests. “When you were dancing with her at the wedding, did you look at Cheol even once?”

“Why would I? I was dancing.” Mingyu hates where this is going.

“He was glaring at you,” Joshua says factually, “and even when I cut in, he was glaring at me too. Wouldn’t that make you wonder about his intentions?”

“No,” Mingyu decides to be stubborn, crossing his arms over his chest. “Maybe he was just jealous that y/n is getting all the attention, ever think of that? It’s not like we’ve all been eager to do slopes with him like we usually are when we’re at ski lodges.”

“You have a point,” Joshua concedes, “but even still, it doesn’t account for all his weird behaviours this trip.”

Before Mingyu can fight the issue further, something over his shoulder catches Jeonghan’s eye, and the tall maknae finds himself swiveling in his chair to see a disheveled-looking Cheol stomping into the restaurant.

“He definitely looks like he got laid last night,” Jeonghan whispers as their friend approaches the table.

“Good morning Seungcheol,” Joshua greets him with a smile, watching the man take the seat next to Mingyu before he pushes a mug forward, “have some coffee.”

“You look tired,” Jeonghan presses the issue almost immediately. “Long night?”

“Too long,” Seungcheol all but growls, taking the cup to down some coffee before his face crinkles in disgust. He looks to Joshua when he muses “you and you’re fucking black coffee,” then he’s tearing at a sugar packet and reaching for cream.

“Mingyu says he went to bed early last night- did you have fun staying up with our sweet step sister?”

Seungcheol assesses Jeonghan with a gloomy look, then he shakes his head. “I know what you’re insinuating,” he states, “but that’s not what happened.”

“Then what did happen?” Jeonghan rests his chin on his hand, cocking his head as he stares down his friend. “You’re usually quite happy in the mornings- excited about skiing-”

“Yeah, well, usually I can get a decent night’s sleep, without Mingyu’s sleeptalking bothering me too much,” Seungcheol sighs. “But last night, I had to deal with two people making noises.”

“Our step-sister’s a sleeptalker?” Jeonghan nearly laughs. “Who would have thought.”

“Not me.” Seungcheol takes a sip of his newly perfected coffee. “Although, I wouldn’t really call what she and Mingyu were doing last night sleep talking.”

“Oh my god,” Mingyu groans, slumping his elbows forward onto the table and resting his head in his hands.

He’d had a wet dream last night, one that he’s not prepared to discuss with his friends. Mingyu can still remember vivid flashes, images of you moaning beneath him, hands grabbing at his shoulders-

“No way,” Jeonghan laughs, already taking delight in what he’s hearing, “you’re telling us, that Mingyu and y/n were having sex dreams last night?”

“Yup.” Seungcheol downs the cup of coffee. “It sounded that way.”

“Was it just like… moaning?”

For someone usually more reserved, Joshua’s question is definitely not one Mingyu had expected, and he finds his jaw dropping while he stares at the two men seated across from him.

“Mostly moaning,” Seungcheol confirms, “but they both whimpered a few times too.”

“Oh my god-” Mingyu says again, his skin heating with embarrassment.

“Listen- if both Mingyu and y/n are feeling horny, you could come spend the night with us,” Jeonghan suggests in a somewhat sympathetic tone. “We’ve got a couch too.”

“I’m not sleeping on your fucking couch,” Seungcheol snaps back almost immediately, fist clenching on the table.

“Guys-” Mingyu groans, looking between Jeonghan and Joshua, “this is your new step-sister we’re talking about- aren’t either of you the least bit protective? I can’t believe what I’m hearing-”

“Sure, we’re protective,” Jeonghan leans back in his chair, “which is why we’re offering her up to you two. You think we’d let any hotel random get with her? We’re only open to this because we know neither of you are sociopaths.”

“On top of that,” Joshua sighs, “we’re all adults here. It’s not like we’re discussing you two taking her virginity or anything-”

“When did I get looped into this?” Seungcheol asks. “It sounds like you’re talking about a threesome now-”

“It wouldn’t be the first time you guys shared a girl together,” Jeonghan points out. “It’s been a while since then, but we all know you two can play nice.”

“This is my cue to leave this conversation,” Seungcheol says, standing and offering an obviously fake smile to the men surrounding him, “you guys better have a good day, because you’ve ruined the start of mine.”

17: Tuesday - afternoon

Seungcheol regrets doing a medium-level ski hill the moment he gets off the lift at the top. A flurry of thoughts and feelings nearly overwhelm the snowboarder as he assesses the situation in front of him.

You’re as easy for him to pick out now as one of his own friends, your familiar parka drawing his eyes.

He wonders if he’ll be able to bypass you- but the longer he watches you simply stand at the top of the slope, the more he realizes you probably need his help.

He’s aggravated that you’re here, trying a medium-level hill when you’re so obviously a beginner. Are you even good enough to say you’re adept at the easiest slope?

He thinks not.

Seungcheol hopes you’ll start down the hill, and when you do, you’ll be so distracted watching where you’re going that he’ll be able to ski right past you undetected-

A minute passes, then two, then three-

The near olympic level snowboarder is beginning to get cold just watching you, and with a sigh of defeat, he finally closes the distance.

Seungcheol stops at your side, a small “Hey,” leaving his lips.

His gaze is fixed ahead, but in his periphery, he sees you turn to look at him. “Oh… hey.”

“You’re doing a medium-level run.”

“Uh huh.”

Seungcheol can hear the frigid wind as it picks up small specks of snow and dances them around in a cyclone of motion. He’s always loved the quiet of skiing, but he’s beginning to resent the silence between you both.

“Did you-” he swallows, correcting his plan of attack for the conversation. “Do you think you’ll be okay?”

“I’m not so sure yet,” you confess.

“You know about, uh… pizza?” Seungcheol wants to slap himself the moment the words leave his lips. “Like, pointing your skis together in a triangle to slow down?”

“Yeah. I’m just sort of afraid it won’t help me actually stop.”

“What if we took it slow? Instead of going straight down, we could do a wide zigzag.”

“When did this become a we thing?” you laugh.

Seungcheol turns to look at you, and when your eyes meet, your smile falters a little. You’re quick to turn away, focusing on the hill again.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” he finds himself asking.

You take a few seconds to consider it before answering. “No… I think a zigzag could be good.”

“Good.”

“I’m going to slow you down though.”

“That’s okay.” He swallows the lump in his throat. “I’ll uh- if you look like you’re going to fall or anything, I’ll be here, you can grab onto me.”

“Thanks.”

“You know,” Seungcheol begins to move slowly, watching for you to follow, “you really should be using poles.”

“You’re not using any.”

“That’s because I’m much better at this than you.”

You roll your eyes.

Seungcheol cuts the first zigzag, holding his gloved hand out to you in case you need assistance. “Why did you come on this trip? You’re obviously not someone who likes skiing.”

“Honestly?” You wobble a little, and then you grab onto his forearm, making a less-than-pretty turn. “When I was first invited, I wasn’t going to come.”

You pause, focusing on your skiing, and Seungcheol stays quiet, giving you space to continue.

“I think- when my dad told me he was going to remarry, and I hadn’t even met Seulki or Jeonghan or Joshua- I felt like, maybe he was being too fast? Like… my whole life, he’d never really uh… been there for me? So, I guess I was a little bitter that he’d found someone that he was so sure on, you know?”

Seungcheol nods sympathetically and the two of you glide slowly down the incline at an angle, your hand still latched to his arm.

“But after a while, I realized that, if I didn’t pull up my big girl panties and come on the trip, I’d miss out on being at the wedding, miss out on supporting him, and meeting the family he’s marrying into.”

“That makes sense.”

“Also…” your knees wobble a little at your next turn, and you grip him even tighter, “when I told him I wasn’t coming to the wedding initially, he said it would be okay, and that he could give the cabin up to family friends, and I guess that hurt me a little, which is why it took longer for me to agree to this.”

“You and your dad aren’t that close, huh?” Seungcheol muses.

He’d been noticing this, from the moment you’d shown up at his cabin alone he’d been wondering about your relationship with your father.

Things are making more sense now, and he can see why you’d been so bitchy the first day when you’d arrived.

He doesn’t know what it’s really like, to be in your shoes, but he can imagine that making the trek to the cabins with your suitcase, alone, hadn’t been the greatest start to a vacation.

“We’re not.” You confirm his suspicions, and Seungcheol’s heart melts ever so slightly at the way you’re really opening up to him.

“I’m not too close with mine either,” he admits.

“You’re not?”

“No,” Seungcheol watches your skis when you take the next turn, and bites his tongue on another tip he’s itching to give you. “Growing up, my dad was always so fixated on me turning out to be a great man, that he kind of um… didn’t allow me to have the childhood I think I would have preferred.”

“I can imagine… being a near olympic level snowboarder- that sounds like a lot of pressure.”

“It was.” Seungcheol hates the way his voice still cracks when he talks about this sort of thing.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” The lump in his throat is back.

“Still…” you insist, releasing his arm and changing the topic, “You know, I think I’m getting the hang of this.”

“You are,” he admits, “doing really well, I mean.”

“If you wanted to ditch me, you totally could.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. you’d probably be at the bottom of the hill already if you weren’t here with me-” you point out. “I appreciate the effort you’re putting in, but uh… you’re not one of my step-brothers, so you’ll probably never have to see me again, and I think we’d both prefer to ski without diving too deep into our daddy issues.”

He’s very taken aback by your quick change of attitude, and the part of his heart that had melted is quick to freeze up again.

“You’re right,” he says quickly. “But if you go too fast and end up breaking your leg, don’t come crying to me about it.”

“And you said I’m the person who needs the last word,” you scoff.

He lets you have this one, and continues down the hill without you, mouth set in a firm line.

18: Tuesday - evening

If last night had been the first night you were able to relax, then tonight is the first night you’ve had much peace, despite the storm raging outside. And it’s all because mister grumpy is passed out cold in his bed while you and Mingyu quietly play board games you found on a shelf in the cabin.

Mingyu had explained that Cheol hadn’t slept well the night before, and you’re more than happy to enjoy the cabin without a brooding man setting you off every five minutes.

But sleep only lasts so long, and suddenly, in the middle of a game of snakes and ladders, Seungcheol all but shoots upright in his bed.

“What time is it?!” he asks, practically leaping off his mattress to run to the window-

“It’s like nine?”

“Why didn’t you guys wake me up for dinner?!”

“We didn’t go out,” Mingyu explains, “we heated some water up on the countertop burner and had ramen-”

“Fuck-” Seungcheol groans, running both hands through his hair. “It’s really snowing out there-”

“Some dude in the hotel this afternoon said it’s going to snow like- a few feet or something,” Mingyu nods. “We thought you’d be glad we let you sleep since we’re not going anywhere.”

The elder man releases a groan again. “You were supposed to wake me up, so I could run to the hotel and grab more firewood before the storm got worse!”

You all look to the cast iron fireplace, where you notice, for the first time, that you’re down to the last two logs.

“You didn’t tell us we had to wake you up,” Mingyu says defensively.

“That’s because when I fell asleep, neither of you were here.”

“Well,” you cross your arms over your chest, “you could have left us a note.”

Seungcheol releases a deep sigh. “You know what? Yeah, I could have left you a note. I also really didn’t think I’d sleep this long. Fuck.”

“At least we know that Jeonghan and Joshua did the same thing yesterday,” you point out, “and they didn’t die.”

“Yeah, they did the same thing, and I made fun of them for forgetting to grab wood- I warned them about the storm, told them to grab more, and now I did the same thing.”

You sort of feel like laughing. “So it sounds like you’re really just mad at yourself, and not at us.”

“Sounds that way,” Seungcheol groans.

“How did you forget to get firewood though? First, you had an afternoon nap, which is very unlike you, then the thing with the wood- are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Mingyu stands up, easily closing the distance between himself and his friend. He reaches out to touch Seungcheol’s forehead. “You’re not sick or anything, right?”

“Of course I’m not sick,” Seungcheol slaps Mingyu’s hand away in favour of pointing his own finger in his friend’s face. “I’m tired and distracted, because you two kept me up all night!”

“What?” Your heart lurches, and your mouth becomes dry.

They both turn to look at you, and Seungcheol’s hand drops to his side.

“It’s nothing-” Seungcheol’s ears have turned red.

“It’s obviously not nothing,” you stand up, board game completely forgotten. “What do you mean we kept you up all night?”

“You’re both sleep talkers, that’s all,” he tries to brush it off, but you immediately know exactly what he’s talking about, because last night’s dream is still etched in your mindseye like a fucking pornographic movie.

Your jaw drops.

“What-” you bite at your lip, “what was he saying?” you motion to Mingyu.

“Are you sure it’s him that you’re wondering about?” Seungcheol’s quick retort makes a tingle run through your body.

The tension in this cabin has never been so thick before, and Mingyu falters slightly. “Come on dude, don’t play like that-”

“Like what?” Seungcheol crosses his arms over his chest, and you hate that his tshirt accentuates how large his biceps are. “Here, I’ll make it easy on all of us. Mingyu was whimpering your name,” he nods to you, “and you seemed to be more conflicted on who you were fucking in your dream.”

You already know that. You can distinctly remember the way your dream self had been sandwiched between both of your new cabin mates, and you can remember not being able to focus on one or the other.

You can’t believe your subconscious had betrayed you as hard as it had- can’t believe you’d been moaning both Mingyu and Seungcheol’s names in your sleep last night-

“Who…” Mingyu rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, “who was she conflicted about?”

Seungcheol grins, and for a moment, he looks very much like Jeonghan, a puppet master controlling all the strings. “Guess.”

Mingyu’s gaze shifts to you, and his lips part as if he’s going to say something-

“You know what? I’m going to go outside and get us some firewood,” you declare, grabbing your parka off the back of the couch.

“No you’re not.” Seungcheol’s in front of the door, and you can tell by the stubborn set of his mouth that he’s not intent on letting you escape this.

“Let me leave- you can’t stop me,” you insist, trying to push him out of your way-

You have the same success you’d have with a brick wall, and Seungcheol looks down at you with amusement.

“Y/n,” Mingyu gently grabs your forearm, “it’s a blizzard out there, you really shouldn’t-”

“You’d never make it to the hotel,” Seungcheol tells you, which only adds fuel to your rage.

“Well maybe I’ll just go one cabin over and bunk with my step-brothers tonight, did you ever consider that, mister ‘I forgot the firewood’?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes at you, and then he steps to the side.

“Cheol-” Mingyu all but gasps, holding onto your arm tighter, “we can’t-”

With your free hand, you go to throw the door open- only to be met with resistance on the other side.

“What the fuck-” you push the door harder, and it barely budges.

“It’s snow,” Seungcheol tells you, moving to sit on the couch. “Small cabins like this, doors open outwards.”

“So we’re literally snowed in?!” you can’t believe your luck. “This has to be against regulation-”

“Hotel staff come by every morning to clear the trail to the cabins and deal with doors,” Seungcheol sighs, “which you would know if you ever bothered to wake up before noon.”

“This can’t be happening-”

“You’re in the safest place you can be right now, trust me.”

“Of course I don’t fucking trust you!” you find yourself yelling, tearing your arm away from Mingyu so you can begin to pace. “I feel like a fucking caged animal-”

“Well, fuck me with all the swearing,” Seungcheol releases a chuckle that has your blood boiling, “are you claustrophobic or something?”

“And what if I am? You going to plow this door down for me if I say I can’t handle small spaces?” Your heart rate is increasing by the moment. “Fuck- and we don’t even have firewood-”

“It’s gonna be a long night for you, princess.”

“Cheol-” Mingyu’s closed the door, and he’s leaning back against it, watching you with a frown, “don’t make this worse than it already is-”

“Or what? You two gonna lock me in the bathroom to shut me up?”

“That’s a really good idea,” you look to Mingyu, knowing it will take two of you to manage the coup Seungcheol is suggesting. “We should really consider locking him in the bathroom-”

“And I bet you’d fucking love that wouldn’t you,” Seungcheol growls. “It would finally give you the privacy to fuck the guy you’ve been buddying up to for days- you know what? Fine, I’ll lock myself in the bathroom.”

“Fine!” you scream.

“Fine!” he yells back, getting off the couch and stomping to the small bathroom.

The door slams behind him, and for the first time since this whole dilemma began, you’re able to take an actual breath.

“You two are something else,” Mingyu whispers.

“Gyu,” you turn to the only true friend you’ve made this whole trip, “help me with the door, I swear to god I’m going to sleep with Jeonghan and Joshua tonight-”

Mingyu shakes his head, leaning back against the door. “Remember how a few nights ago Cheol said the storm would wind sweep you away? Well, tonight’s even worse- I hate to agree with him, but I can’t let you leave.”

“You mean won’t.”

“I think I sort of mean can’t,” Mingyu sighs. “Seriously, I doubt this door would budge much even if we both pushed it.”

“So you’re not going to help me.”

“What if I am helping you, though?” he cocks his head. “I mean, you look like you’ve calmed down a little already- come on, let’s just go back to snakes and ladders and you can pretend we’re not snowed in with no firewood and a dude you hate locked in the bathroom.”

“Mingyu I swear to god-” you want to fight him on this, but when he reaches out a hand to you, you find yourself allowing him to pull you into an embrace.

You’ve not hugged someone in a long time, and this is exactly what you need.

Mingyu’s so big- and you press your cheek against his wonderful chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart while he tucks his chin over your head, all but locking you into the warmth of his body.

He releases a deep breath, and you mirror the motion, feeling your muscles begin to lose tension.

“You guys better not be actually fucking.”

Of course Seungcheol ruins the moment, words carrying through the shut bathroom door, causing your heart to pick up speed yet again-

You turn, pulling away from Mingyu and opening your mouth to shoot back a response- but the large man draws you back, one hand smoothing against your hair.

“Shh-” he breathes. “Ignore him.”

“It’s hard ignoring that asshole,” you admit quietly, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of Mingyu’s cologne. “You smell nice.”

“Thanks,” he continues petting you, “you do too.”

For a few moments, you allow yourself to simply relax in his arms, and it does help you forget that you’re snowed in.

“So uh…” Mingyu swallows thickly, “about the dream you were having last night-”

“Oh my god-” you bury your face against his chest, hoping to disappear.

“Cheol never specified - and we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to - but, was I one of the people you were thinking about? In your dream last night?”

You can’t help but laugh slightly, adoring how this kind, sexy, beefed man can still be so humble and cute at the same time-

“Of course you’re one of the people in the dream-” you admit.

“Okay… good.”

“And you were dreaming of me too? Cheol wasn’t just making that up?”

“No, he wasn’t making it up.”

“It’s funny,” you say after a moment, “for a guy who acts like he sort of hates me, Cheol did a pretty good job setting this whole interaction up… almost makes me wonder if he forgot the firewood on purpose.”

“Oh, you’d just fucking love that wouldn’t you?”

“Cheol,” you find yourself getting angry again, “I swear to god that if you keep listening in and yelling at us, I’m going to talk in whispers and maybe even push something in front of your door so you’re actually bolted into the bathroom-”

“Joke’s on you, princess, this door opens inward so even if you blocked it, I could still get out.”

“I hate you!”

“I hate you more!”

“Jesus christ.” Mingyu begins petting you again, and when he opens his mouth to speak, he addresses his friend; “Dude, you can’t stay in there all night- it’s already beginning to get a little cold in here-”

“I can stay in here if I want to.”

“Yeah,” you say quietly, “he can stay in there if he wants to.”

Mingyu sighs. “I really can’t understand why you two hate each other so much,” you open your mouth to begin your long list of plights but Mingyu shakes his head, “and I really don’t want to know- it will only get you heated again.”

“Isn’t heat what we’re looking for?” you point out.

“Not that kind of heat.”

There’s a pause, and you enjoy the warmth of his body again. “Do you really want to continue playing snakes and ladders?”

“No, do you?”

“No,” you shake your head slightly.

“Should we…” his voice lowers to a whisper, “should we move to your bed? Just to get under the covers for warmth-”

You nod, pulling away from the giant human heater and crossing the small space to your bed. You’d been happy to find the cabin equipped with doubles instead of singles, but never more happy than now.

You’re quick to burrow under the blanket, and Mingyu tentatively joins you. “So… are we thinking spooning, or-”

“Spooning works.” You roll onto your side, turning your back to the man who immediately curls against you, tugging you to his chest in a protective way that has your skin tingling with interest.

You can feel Mingyu’s breath against the nape of your neck, and you’re struck by how good it all feels-

The door to the bathroom slowly creaks open, and Cheol appears, sitting on the floor and staring directly at you both.

“Oh my god,” you groan, lifting the blanket to hide yourself.

“The funny thing is,” Mingyu sighs behind you, “I thought you two were just starting to get along.”

“What gave you that idea?” Seungcheol retorts.

“Didn’t you have a whole deep conversation about daddy issues today?”

Your body freezes, and there’s a long pause before Seungcheol asks, “How did you hear about that? Did she tell you?”

“No-” another breath that fans across your neck, “Jeonghan was skiing right behind you guys this afternoon- said you were way too wrapped up in each other to even notice your surroundings.”

“I wouldn’t say we were wrapped up in each other,” comes a gruff response.

“Hannie said she was clinging to your arm and everything.”

You hate that Mingyu is right. You had felt as if you were getting somewhere with the brooding man your step-brothers call their best friend. If he hadn’t woken up from his nap being all accusatory- if you hadn’t felt immediately claustrophobic and put on the spot at the mention of sleep talking and wet dreams… maybe your evening would have gone much smoother.

“And- maybe I was imagining it, but… didn’t you two say goodnight to each other last night?” Mingyu presses. “I was half asleep, but I’m pretty sure you two were actually being sort of nice before bed?”

For a guy who plays the part of being a happy himbo, Mingyu is much more observant than you’d realized.

“You know what I think?” he continues. “I think you’re both just sort of stubborn, but when you clash, the stubbornness is magnified- kind of like- two immovable walls getting in each other’s faces.”

“That metaphor doesn’t make any sense,” Seungcheol insists.

“Sounds like something a stubborn brick wall would say.”

“Brick walls can’t talk.”

“And you two can’t seem to have a simple conversation either, so is it really that bad of a metaphor, or are you just in denial?” Mingyu’s definitely hit a nerve, and the silence in the cabin moves to a heavy stagnancy. “I’m not the only one who’s noticed, Joshua said the same thing at breakfast yesterday.”

“He did?” You find yourself perking up at the idea that something along the lines of this conversation may have happened before. You peek out from your hiding place under the blanket, eager for your voice to be heard clearly when you ask, “You guys were talking about me at breakfast?”

“We’ve been talking about you a lot,” Mingyu admits, which causes your skin to heat with embarrassment, and you burrow back under the covers.

“Don’t feed her ego.”

“You’re just jealous because no one’s been feeding you since you got here,” you snap, pulling down the blanket to glare at Cheol. “I bet you get all the girls back where you’re from- I bet it’s so easy for you-”

“It is.”

“So now who’s ego is really being hurt by all of this?” He doesn’t respond. “First you say I’m the drama queen, when it’s really you, then you say I’m the one who needs the last word, when it’s really you, and now I’m the one who shouldn’t get my ego stroked when you’re really just jealous that I’m here cuddling with Mingyu and you’re still sitting on the bathroom floor like a stubborn douche-”

“Call me a stubborn douche again.”

“Guys-”

“You’re a stubborn douche- what are you going to do about it?” you narrow your eyes at the man who has your whole body practically on fire every time you talk.

“Bet you wish I would spank you.”

Your breath catches, and you find yourself in a staring match with the man on the floor. You can’t think of anything to say-

“I knew when you were moaning ‘harder’ in your sleep last night it wasn’t just about fucking-” Seungcheol laughs at you. “I’m sure your subconscious mind knows that if you ever let Mingyu and I take a go at you, you’d be ruined.”

“Cheol-” Mingyu’s voice is as stern as you’ve ever heard it, and his breath against your throat has your entire body coming alive with sensitivity.

“You know,” you clear your throat, “If you’re jealous about not being invited to cuddle, you could just say so, instead of being such a dick.”

“Who says I want to come cuddle?”

He’s always so quick with his douchey comebacks.

“You’re literally shivering, stop being stupid.” You can see him fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling it down over his fingers.

“I’m not interested in cuddling with you,” Seungcheol insists.

“We’ll let you be the small spoon,” you tease.

He groans. “That’s even worse”

“You two are giving me whiplash,” Mingyu sighs behind you, pulling you closer to his warm chest and releasing a deep sigh.

“Actually-” you wiggle in the large mans grasp, turning onto your back and then facing him, “thanks to Seungcheol, it’s pretty clear we both had dreams about each other last night… if he wants to be stubborn, we could always just…” you shift so your lips are by his ear, “fuck under the covers.”

“Oh my god-” Mingyu’s breathing is shaky now.

“You two are not gonna fuck without me.”

“See! I knew you were jealous-” you begin to turn around again, eager to look at Cheol when you rub your triumph in his face- but you’re stopped by the covers lifting and a body slotting against your back.

“Stop being a bitch,” Seungcheol growls in your ear, one hand finding your hip and roughly tugging you back to him.

“Stop being such a douche!”

“How about you both stop?” Mingyu suggests, gently cupping your face and meeting your eyes.

He’s so pretty- you’ve thought so since the moment you saw him, and now that you’re sandwiched between both of your cabin roommates, your self-control is getting weaker and weaker.

Another beat of silence goes by, then Mingyu asks, “Are we really going to do this?”

“I definitely think we’re really going to do this,” you confirm, “What do you say, Douche?”

The man behind you digs his fingers into your hips, “you know,” his breath is hot against your skin, and his lips tease the shell of your ear, “that’s the fourth time you’ve called me a douche. I think you should make it five.”

You know where he’s going with this immediately, and your pussy tingles with excitement. “Are you really going to spank me, Cheol?”

“I think at this point I have to,” the hand on your hip moves to your throat, and he squeezes you gently, “unless you’re really against it.”

“Fuck-” Mingyu shifts in front of you, moving closer, and his hand falls from your face to your hip, taking the spot Cheol had just let go of.

“You better follow through, douche,” you hum, “dream Cheol was very light-handed.”

“And that’s five,” he breathes.

“Don’t disappoint me,” you tell him.

“Trust me,” he squeezes your throat, “I won’t.”

“One of you better kiss me to get things started-” you warn them, “I’m pretty sure my panties are already ruined-”

This prompts both men to act - as you knew it would - with Mingyu immediately pressing his lips to yours while Seungcheol releases your neck to shove his hand down your sweatpants and investigate your claim.

Your body reacts on instinct, leg lifting to rest on Mingyu’s hip, tugging him closer and opening you up for Cheol while you grab at Mingyu’s face, kissing him with the intensity of a woman who’s been locked in a cabin with two gorgeous men for days.

“Fuck-” Seungcheol groans behind you, his fingers rubbing at your pussy through your underwear, “you’re fucking soaked-” his nose drags by the nape of your neck, “what a dirty little whore-”

You mewl against Mingyu’s lips, a conflicted feeling erupting through you at the way Seungcheol is speaking to you.

“Oh? You don’t like that?” he laughs. “So you get to call me a douche but if I point out that you’re a needy slut grinding down on my hand while my best friend shoves his tongue down your throat then that’s what? Too much for you?”

“Be nice,” Mingyu mutters, kisses turning much softer.

“Then what should I call her?”

“Princess,” the word sounds so pretty coming from Mingyu, “like you did earlier, but not sarcastically.”

“Is that what you are?” Seungcheol’s fingers are rubbing your clit through your panties, and it feels amazing- “our stubborn little princess?”

“God, yes!” your hands grab at Mingyu’s strong shoulders, and you try to pull him back to your lips- “Please-”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that word,” Seungcheol muses, giving you what you want and applying more pressure to your pussy. “I like the way it sounds coming from you.”

“Please-” you whimper again. You’re not even sure what you’re asking for, but you figure that, between the both of them, they’ll come up with something.

“Take your hoodie off,” Seungcheol commands, pulling his hand out of your pants. “In fact, let’s all take our hoodies off.”

You love how he’s taking the lead, and you suppose it’s not a shock in the slightest. Mingyu has been giving you people-pleasing vibes since you arrived, and it makes sense Seungcheol naturally steps into the leader position.

He can be a bit of a stubborn dick, but fuck, he’s a natural when it comes to telling you what to do.

All three of you are quick to wiggle out of your heavy clothes, stripping your top halves until you’re the only one left in anything, your bra-

“This too,” Seungcheol says, pulling at a strap and making it snap back against your skin.

“You’re behind me, why don’t you take it off,” you tell him, already reaching for Mingyu, wanting to be lost in his lips.

“Fucking princess,” the man behind you mutters, fingers immediately finding the clasp.

“Needy douche,” you mumble against Mingyu’s mouth.

Seungcheol’s response is quick, his hand momentarily discarding his task to wrap around your throat again, “Make it ten, I dare you.”

“You guys-” Mingyu groans, grabbing your hips and trying to tug you closer to his chest.

Seungcheol holds you tight, not allowing you to budge an inch.

“Douche, douche, douche,” you pull Seungcheol’s hand from your neck, turning to face him so you can look into his eyes when you say the last “douche. There, that’s ten.”

He’s looking at you with an amused expression, and for the first time since meeting him, you see him truly smile.

“You’re gonna get it,” he warns you, grinning.

“I better.” You tangle your hands in his pretty, dark, curls, smashing your lips to his to wipe the smirk from his face.

Seungcheol and Mingyu are like night and day. Mingyu had kisses you gently whereas Seungcheol holds nothing back.

His tongue easily dominates your own, his hands grabbing at your hips, thigh pressing up between yours-

Mingyu’s lips find your bare shoulders, his fingers picking up where Seungcheol’s had left off with your bra, and before you even know it, the two are working together to tear it off your body, leaving your torso exposed.

Seungcheol doesn’t even look down, his lips find yours again, and it’s Mingyu’s hands that go to cup your breasts. He ruts against your ass, and you can feel his cock straining against his sweatpants, his mouth hot on your neck while he massages your chest with large hands.

When his fingers brush by your nipples you moan loudly, digging your nails into Seungcheol’s strong shoulders-

You really just wish one of them would tear your pants off. You’ve had enough with this foreplay, enough with the waiting-

So you find a way to speed things up, shoving your hand between your bodies to cup Seungcheol’s cock through his pants, moaning even louder when you feel how big he is.

You’re about to get absolutely wrecked and you know it.

“Fuck, princess-” Seungcheol gasps against your mouth.

“I want you to fuck me,” you tell him.

“Me or him?” Mingyu asks behind you.

“I don’t care-” you whimper when Mingyu pinches your nipple between his fingers, “take turns- I don’t-”

“Go for it, Gyu,” Cheol says, hand finding your throat again, thumb pressing against the underside of your jaw, “I’m not done kissing her yet.”

You think this must be the most turned-on you’ve ever been in your whole entire life.

The man behind you pulls away from your breasts, his fingers hooking in your sweatpants. “Can I pull these down?” he asks, lips pressing hot kisses against your shoulder.

Seungcheol allows you to break your kiss just long enough to whimper a sound of affirmation before he’s claiming your mouth again.

As Mingyu pulls your pants down, you go to slip your own hand under the waistband of Cheol’s- but he stops you, grasping your wrist in a tight grip. “Over the pants for now, don’t touch what’s not yours,” he warns, releasing you in favour of grabbing your face, “and no pouting.”

Cheol reads you like a book, wiping the pout off your face by pulling you into another breathtaking kiss.

Behind you, Mingyu’s gotten your sweatpants and panties down to your knees. You help him by kicking them the rest of the way off, and when you’re fully naked, Mingyu’s hand finds your pussy.

“Fuck, you are soaked-” he moans against the nape of your neck, two fingers rubbing at your clit before slipping inside of you.

It feels like heaven- and you adjust to give Mingyu more room, hooking your leg over Seungcheol’s hip to open yourself up-

Seungcheol’s hand moves from your throat to your breast, and he pinches your nipple roughly between his thumb and pointer. When you gasp from the motion, his mouth moves to your jaw and then to your collarbone.

“Should we mark you?” his breath is hot against your skin. “Make it so everyone knows you’ve been fucked? What would your step-brothers say? What would your daddy say?”

“I don’t know- what are you going to say, daddy?”

Seungcheol releases a low groan. “I think I’m gonna make you wear turtlenecks the rest of this trip.”

He doesn’t bother waiting for a response from you, his lips latch onto a spot just above your jugular, teeth grazing your skin.

Mingyu’s fingers have found a steady pace inside of you now, and you find yourself moaning like a whore, grinding down against his hand to get more pressure from his palm on your clit.

“You sound so pretty-” Mingyu’s breath fans over your shoulder and your whole body feels on fire.

“Sounds like she hasn’t been touched in a while,” Seungcheol says, pulling away from your neck to look you in the eyes. “Our sensitive little princess.”

“Cheol-” you whimper.

“I thought I was daddy,” he grabs your throat, thumb testing the spot he’d just marked up.

“Daddy-” you gasp as he tightens his grip.

“It almost sounds like you’re going to cum, just from Gyu’s fingers,” Seungcheol leans in, lips just out of reach, “but we both know you wouldn’t do that without asking for permission first.”

“Please-”

“Please what?”

“Please- I’m so close-”

“Fuck-” Mingyu groans behind you, finger fucking you even harder.

“If you like the feeling of this, you’re gonna cry when you get something bigger.” Cheol is way too amused by this, and it only adds to your pleasure, your toes curling as the tension in your stomach builds and builds-

“Please-” you whimper again, grasping onto his shoulders to anchor yourself out of desperation.

“Want you to cum,” Mingyu says gruffly, lips teasing by your shoulder. “Want you to cum on my fingers-”

Seungcheol still hasn’t given you permission, and you find yourself teetering on the edge- “Daddy, please!”

He leans forward, lips ghosting over your own when he finally says “I guess you can cum.”

You take a shuddery breath as the chord in your stomach snaps, orgasm rushing through your body. Your eyes shut, and you find yourself leaning forward, burrowing against Seungcheol’s sturdy chest while whitehot pleasure surges through every fiber of your being.

You’ve never had an orgasm that makes you lose it like this, your mind going completely blank as Mingyu’s fingers work you through your high.

You’re a whimpering, shuddering mess when he finally removes his hand, and a moment later the word “condoms?” brings you back to reality.

You shake your head, too tired to speak yet.

“Is princess on the pill?” Seungcheol asks. You nod this time, and the man you’re holding onto like a lifeline confirms with his friend, “She’s on the pill.”

“Thank god,” Mingyu groans behind you. There’s a small shuffle of him kicking off his pants, and then his hands are grabbing your hips, pulling you backwards-

You instinctually arch your back, giving him a better angle to press his cockhead to your entrance-

“You sure about this?” Mingyu asks, pausing.

Another nod, and Seungcheol laughs. “She’s sure.”

Mingyu pushes into you as soon as the words are out of his friend’s mouth, and you grip Seungcheol even tighter, gasping at the feeling of being filled so completely.

You’re well prepped from his fingers, and when Mingyu takes a test thrust, you can feel your own fluids coating him, making it as easy as ever for him to slide in and out of your wet core.

“Holy shit-” Mingyu’s breath is hot against your shoulders and it makes you shiver with stimulation as he increases the pace of his thrusts, “you feel so good-”

“I bet she does,” Seungcheol’s hand slips between your bodies, fingers finding your clit-

You whimper at the feeling, pulling away from his chest to look him in the eyes, “Too sensitive-”

“Too sensitive?” To his credit, he lets up a little, but his hand stays where it is. “Are you sure about that?”

You shake your head, licking your lips and looking at his own-

“Does princess want a kiss?” he asks, reading you as easily as ever.

You lace your hands around the back of his neck, pulling him to your lips. Seungcheol muffles the moans that are slipping out of you, but as Mingyu’s thrusts get rougher, there’s only so much he can do to help you censor the sounds of pleasure.

Behind you, Mingyu’s also releasing his own noises, gasps and grunts that add fuel to the growing feeling between your legs.

It feels so good- and this is just Mingyu.

In the periphery of your mind, you know you still have to receive your ten spanks from Cheol before he fucks you, and you think maybe it was a mistake to get yourself into this. After all- will you ever be able to fuck anyone else? Will anything after this ever feel the same?

“Fuck-” Mingyu groans when Seungcheol applies pressure to your clit, “baby, if you keep squeezing like that-” he lets out another gasp, “you’re gonna make me cum-”

“Really?” Seungcheol breaks your kiss to look at the man over your shoulder. “Already?”

“She feels so good-” Mingyu insists, “so good for us-”

“She is,” Seungcheol agrees, rubbing your clit even harder, making both you and Mingyu moan with pleasure. “It’s funny how compliant our stubborn princess gets once she’s being properly fucked.”

“Please-” you groan, reaching behind you to thread your fingers through Mingyu’s hair.

The man in front of you grins. “I’m really starting to enjoy listening to you beg.”

Before you can say anything else, Mingyu lets go of your hip to grab your jaw, prompting you to turn your head to the side so he can lean over your shoulder and press his lips to your own.

He’s not kissing like he had when this whole thing started. Now, he’s eager, tongue swiping past your own while he whimpers and gasps, rutting into you wildly.

This time, you don’t have to beg Seungcheol for permission. Although his fingers are still working your clit, this isn’t his orgasm to give, it’s Mingyu’s, and the man behind you doesn’t care for power plays or waiting games.

You can hear Mingyu getting closer and closer, his sounds getting pitchier-

“You two are too cute,” Seungcheol’s words feel distant, but then his lips are attaching to your nipple and you think you might cum then and there-

“Fuck-” Mingyu tears his lips from your own, grasping your hips- “I’m gonna-” he presses his forehead against your shoulder while you grab onto Seungcheol, threading your fingers through his curls while his teeth drag by your nipple- “cum with me, fuck, cum with me-”

You don’t really need to be told twice, and even without the command, you would have ascended to cloud nine anyways, body tingling with electric pleasure.

With no one attending to your mouth, you’re left to moan and whimper loudly, filling the cabin with sinful sounds as Mingyu fucks you through your high.

Seungcheol doesn’t let up on your clit or your breasts, not until his friend is slowing down and you’re pushing at him, only then does he relent.

“You going to collapse against my shoulder again?” he asks, cupping your face to get a better look at you.

You’re still catching your breath, and you nod against his hand, leaning forward-

Seungcheol pulls you closer, tucking you in against his chest, moving to pet your hair.

“Was that good for both of you?” he asks, and you can’t believe that it sounds like a genuine, heartfelt question.

“Really good,” Mingyu responds, pressing a gentle kiss to your shoulder.

“So good-” you echo, bringing up a hand to begin drawing lazy nothings on Seungcheol’s wonderful chest-

“I’ll give you a moment to recover,” he says in a manner that’s almost gentle, “because when you’re ready- I still expect my ten smacks.”

And what if you died from being this horny? What then?

You whimper when Mingyu pulls out of you, giving you one last sweet kiss on your shoulder before he flops onto his back to catch his breath.

“Daddy-”

“Ready for me now?”

You nod, lips brushing by his collarbone gently as you work your way up to his neck. Seungcheol allows you to pepper his skin in little kisses, and when you get to his jaw, he pulls away.

“I want you on all fours,” he tells you.

The cabin is cold, and you’re hot from being fucked and sandwiched between two warm bodies, so when the blanket is lifted off of you, the air feels more intense.

You whine in annoyance, but do as you’re told, propping yourself up on your hands and knees.

Seungcheol moves behind you, and you can feel his form towering over your own when his hands smooth over your ass.

“Look at you,” he breathes, “you’re an absolute mess.”

You can feel Mingyu’s cum beginning to dribble out of you, so you fall to your elbows and reach a hand through your legs, pushing two fingers into your pussy to stop anything from dripping out.

“Fuck,�� Seungcheol grips your ass cheeks so hard it almost hurts, “you ready for your punishment now?”

“Yes, daddy,” you sigh, closing your eyes in anticipation.

“Count them all, and for the first five, keep your fingers where they are. For the final five, you’ll be able to suck on them as a reward. Does that sound fair?”

“Very fair.”

“Good.” There’s a moment of silence, Seungcheol removes one hand from your bum, and then it’s coming back full force.

The impact makes you jolt, skin stinging with heat and electric tingles of pained pleasure.

Your toes curl, and you whimper “One.”

“Was that hard enough for you?” he taunts.

“Yes, daddy.”

The next hit comes down on the opposite cheek, with around the same force, and you’re thankful that he’s not just battering one side, it gives you a bit of time to recuperate.

“Two,” your pussy tightens around your fingers and with your free hand you grab the sheets, twisting them into something like an anchor.

You’re not surprised when he switches sides again, but the second hit to your right side hurts more than the first and you gasp at the feeling. “Fuck- three!”

“Any time you sit after this, you’re going to be reminded of us,” Seungcheol muses, hand coming down on your left ass cheek.

“Four-” you whimper, “oh my god-”

“You two are so weird,” Mingyu sighs, shifting closer to you and rolling onto his side. He gently brushes your hair out of your face. “Are you sure you guys want to get to ten?”

“Why wouldn’t we?” Seungcheol massages your ass, rubbing at the stinging skin.

“She’s almost crying.” The man looking into your eyes is frowning now, concern evident in his expression.

“She’s loving this, isn’t that right, princess?” Seungcheol insists.

“Yes, daddy-” you squeak when his hand comes down on you mid confirmation, and your eyes clench shut, holding back tears of pained pleasure. “Five!”

“You can suck on your fingers now,” Seungcheol tells you, “but I still wanna hear that voice of yours counting each strike.”

You pull your digits from your core, adjusting slightly to allow you to shove them into your mouth.

A moan escapes you immediately, the taste of Mingyu’s cum flooding your senses.

“Fuck-” Mingyu groans.

“Hot right?” Seungcheol massages your bum gently. “Who’s our perfect little whore?”

“I am,” you whimper, making sure to lick as much as you can off of your fingers.

The next smack you receive is a little gentler than the past five, and your body hums with warmth at the idea that Seungcheol’s going easy on you. “Six.” The word is garbled, but you know that none of you care.

“That’s it, love that you’re dripping from this,” Seungcheol praises you, hand coming down again.

“Seven-” you drag your fingers past your teeth, toying with your bottom lip.

“Are they clean already princess?” Seungcheol asks.

“Yes, daddy- fuck, eight!”

“Just a few more.” There’s something so steady about his voice- about his presence looming behind you, and you know that as soon as this is over, he’s going to fuck you properly, like you deserve.

“Nine!” makes you tear up, your free hand fully clenched in the sheets, and Mingyu quickly responds by reaching out to brush his thumb by your cheek.

“With this last one,” Seungcheol’s massaging your ass again, and it hurts in the best way possible, “I want you to say sorry.”

“For what?” you whine, so delirious from your treatment that you can’t even think straight.

“For calling me a douche, ten times.”

“I’m sorry-”

“I haven’t even spanked you yet,” the man behind you laughs, “but I appreciate your apology.”

The last hit is the worst of all of them, but maybe that’s just because you’re already extremely sensitive from what you’ve already received, despite this, you still fulfill your job as Cheol’s perfect little cock whore, diligently blurting out “Ten! I’m sorry, Cheol!”

“There’s my good girl.” He sounds satisfied, and you’re extremely glad he doesn’t reprimand you for using his name, in fact, a moment later, he’s rewarding you with his cock at your entrance. “You ready for me?”

“God, yes! Please-”

He sheaths himself into you and you bury your face against the duvet to muffle your scream.

It feels like nothing you’ve ever felt.

The combination of his cock stretching you open, and his hips hitting your sore ass- it’s doing something to you that no one has ever done before.

Large, warm hands grab your hips, and the first few thrusts have you squeaking each time he makes contact with your bum, toes curling at the sensation. “If you need me to stop,” his fingers dig into your skin, “just say so.”

“Please-” you gasp, “don’t stop-”

In response, Seungcheol fucks you even harder, quickly finding a pace that has your mind going blank.

There’s only you and Seungcheol. Mingyu is practically forgotten and you don’t even feel bad about it. After taking ten hits to your ass, you deserve this.

You deserve to have your brains fucked out.

“Hey,” a hand grabs at your hair, and Seungcheol pulls your face out of the duvet, “stop using the blanket to muffle your sounds, I wanna hear them.”

“Cheol-” you whimper loudly, feeling an orgasm already bubbling in the pit of your stomach.

“Sounds like you’re close,” the man behind you muses, tightening his grip in your hair and pulling until you’re up in full doggy, hands braced against the bed. “You close, princess?”

“God, yes-”

“All it took was a bit of spanking, huh? A bit of spanking and you’re fucking putty in my hands.”

You don’t know how to respond, so you simply moan, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of his cock gliding into you with each thrust.

“I think you should do it,” he says, releasing your hair to grip your hips roughly. “I think you should cum all over my cock like the desperate little whore you are- come on, cum for me, it’s gonna feel so good-”

His words are bringing you closer and closer to the edge and you both know it.

“Cum on my cock and maybe after I’ll flip you on your back and let you look at me as I continue to fuck you stupid.”

Something inside of you short circuits and your orgasm hits you like a bus, pussy clamping down on Seungcheol’s cock while waves of euphoria overtake you.

“Fuck- just like that-” the man behind you groans, “what a good girl you are-”

For someone using somewhat sweet words, Seungcheol is as rough as ever, your ass smacking against his hips with each powerful thrust-

Under the sounds of you moaning desperately, the bed is squeaking, the whole thing shaking and hitting the wall-

“Holy shit-” Mingyu breathes, but he feels distant-

Seungcheol truly has a way of capturing your attention and holding it, fucking you through your orgasm until you’re clawing at the blanket, tears threatening to spill from overstimulation.

And then, all of the sudden, he’s pulling out of you, and you’re able to take a breath-

Just one breath, as he’s flipping you onto your back a moment later.

“Told ya I’d let you look at me,” he says, slotting between your legs and sinking into your pussy again. “I wanna see that stubborn little face.”

“God-” you gasp, throwing your arms around his big strong shoulders-

“Never been called that before- but I guess it’s better than daddy,” he smirks.

You hate him.

You kind of love him too- if that’s even possible.

The man has you dick whipped, and you both know it.

He presses his lips to yours, and you allow yourself to get lost in the feeling of the kiss. Your hands wander his muscular back, gently clawing at his skin while he fucks you.

“Shit-” he groans when you thread your fingers through his hair, his hot mouth moving to your neck, “feels so good-”

“Want you to cum-” you whisper, lips brushing by his ear, “want you to fill me up so bad-”

“Fuck-” he moans louder, and the sound makes your entire body tingle with pleasure.

“Please-” you whimper, tightening your legs around his hips, “I need it-”

“And I need you to cum with me,” he says, breath teasing your throat. “So how bout you rub your clit for me and get us both there.”

“Fuck- okay,” you slip your hand between your bodies and jolt when you come in contact with your clit, “wait, no- I’m too sensitive-”

“I know princess, but you can do it for me, can’t you? Just a little longer-”

You push through the feeling, closing your eyes and throwing your head back- if it had been a request from anyone else, you would have told them to go to hell, but because it’s coming from Cheol- you find yourself unable to say no.

It’s the way he’d said ‘can’t you?’ It’s a small challenge you can’t bear to not complete.

“There you go,” his lips brush by your neck, “it’s going to feel so fucking good when you cum- I don’t know if you’ll be able to take it.”

“I can take it-” you tell him, although your legs are already beginning to shake.

“That’s my princess.”

“I’m your princess-” you echo.

“Yeah you are,” his hand wraps around your throat, applying just enough pressure to have you seeing stars. “Keep your eyes open, wanna really see you when you cum.”

Your free hand grabs at his wrist, and your fingers rub your clit harder. “I’m gonna-”

“I know princess, me too,” he bites into his bottom lip, eyes looking deep into your own. “Cum with me,” he commands, “cum with me, cum with me, cum with me-”

It takes everything inside of you to keep your eyes open and keep your fingers on your clit while your fourth orgasm of the night takes over.

If the last one had felt like getting hit by a bus, this one feels like an all-consuming electric warmth that fizzles through your body until you feel it in every fiber of your being.

Your eyes are still locked with Cheol’s, his hand applying enough pressure on your throat to have you nearly feeling dizzy- or maybe that’s the orgasm, regardless, you grip his wrist tighter, after all, it’s your only true anchor.

There’s a brief moment where neither of you are moaning, a moment of something like transcendence, and then Seungcheol’s releasing your throat and pressing his lips to yours, stealing away whatever breath you have left.

His hips stutter as he finishes, your tongues continuing to battle it out even as he slowly comes to a stop.

His chest is hot and sweaty pressed against your own, but neither of you care, you’re too lost in each other.

Your heart is thundering against your rib cage, and Seungcheol’s added weight on you doesn’t help, so you push at his shoulders, wanting an inch or two of space-

“Am I crushing you?” he asks, planting his hands on either side of you and lifting himself, finally breaking the kiss to give you a small once over.

“It’s okay,” you say, swallowing and catching your breath. Your eyes close, exhaustion taking over-

“You broke her,” Mingyu’s voice makes you smile but you don’t open your eyes.

It feels nice to just exist for a few moments.

“My bad,” Cheol responds, lifting further off of you.

You try to grab at him, to make him stay, but he easily blocks your hands.

“You two are probably really tired,” Seungcheol muses. “Do you wanna help her to the shower real quick before passing out?”

“I can do that,” Mingyu agrees, and a moment later, he’s scooping you up like a newlywed bride.

Mingyu’s chest is as warm as Cheol’s had been, and you find just as much comfort in him as he carries you towards the bathroom.

You’re too far gone to think of much, but you find yourself looking over Mingyu’s shoulder at Cheol.

He’s pulling his sweatpants back on, running a hand through his bouncy curls, and you realize you’ll never look at him the same way again.

You’ll never be able to look at either of them again without thinking about this, and you’re kind of okay with that.

19: Wednesday - morning

“Hey, daddy.”

Seungcheol can’t help but grin, shaking his head as he continues to fill his mug with coffee at the self-serve breakfast. “You really shouldn’t be calling me that.”

“No?” You shift closer, until your shoulder is touching his. “Why not?”

“For one, your actual dad could be kicking around somewhere, not to mention your step-brothers.” He gives you a quick look before grabbing cream and a pack of sugar. “Nice turtleneck.”

“Thanks.” You begin to fill your cup with coffee, and Seungcheol turns to look out at the large dining room. He leans back against the food table.

“I’m surprised you’re awake this early,” he notes. “Why aren’t you sleeping in with Gyu?”

“I felt like we needed to talk, and when you left the bed this morning- I missed your warmth.”

Your words make him smile, and he crosses an arm over his chest, lifting his coffee to his lips. “This is our last day, are you sure we have to do this?”

“You mean talk like adults?” you counter. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure we have to do this.”

“Aren’t you the one who said we’d never have to see each other again after this?”

“When did I say that?”

“Yesterday, after our talk about daddy issues.” Part of him can’t believe that was less than twenty-four hours ago- so much has changed, so much has happened.

“Right-” you turn to look out at the room, shoulder brushing his again. “Well, I guess I wasn’t considering the fact that you’re roommates with my step-brothers, so… I’m pretty sure I’ll have to see you again.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m not the only one who’d like it,” you insist. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

Seungcheol sips his coffee.

“You and Mingyu would make a cute couple,” he says finally.

“Oh my god, fuck off-” you let out a small laugh.

“I’m being serious.”

“Why are you such a dick to me?”

Seungcheol takes a breath, thinking through his response. “Do you mean right now, or generally?”

You sigh, shrugging. “Both?”

“ Generally? I don’t know- I don’t think I’ve been that bad to you, all things considering. And right now? I guess I’m a dick because if it’s a choice between me and Gyu, you’re pretty stupid for being here with me and not in bed with him. ”

“I don’t see why I have to choose.”

“People always choose. There’s always a preference.”

“Okay…” you sigh. “So I like Mingyu better, is that what you wanted to hear? He’s much nicer to me- you’re right about that. But I like fucking you both around the same amount.”

Seungcheol can’t help but laugh. “I feel like that’s a lie.”

“How about this; I like Mingyu more than you, but you fuck me better- although, I’m not sure I’d fuck you without him there to make sure you’re not too much of a dick.”

He wonders if your use of the word ‘dick’ over ‘douche’ in reference to him is a betrayal of what’s been on your mind this morning.

Seungcheol looks down at his cup, swirling the contents. “I’m not forgetting firewood tonight.”

Now it’s your turn to laugh, and you pat him on the shoulder gently. “That’s okay, something tells me you’ll wanna fuck me again even without the excuse of us being cold.”

Seungcheol opens his mouth-

“Nuh uh,” you stop him, “I want the last word on this. Now enjoy watching me walk away from you, I’m heading back to the cabin to curl up with your better half.”

He’s shocked by you- enthralled even, and as he watches you walk away, he realizes he’s never met a girl like you before.

He realizes that maybe he’s met his match.

20: Wednesday - afternoon

Mingyu’s just decided to stop looking for his friends on the slopes when someone says his name in his ear and he nearly has a heart attack.

“Fuck- Seungcheol- I’ve told you not to sneak up on me like that!” he yells, regaining his balance on his skis in an attempt not to fall over from shock.

“You tell me a lot of things, doesn’t mean I listen,” his friend points out. “Hey listen, we need to talk-”

“About last night, yeah, I know-” Mingyu rolls his eyes, “I’ve been looking for you for like, an hour.”

“I’ve been around,” Seungcheol brushes it off. “So I had a brief talk with princess this morning-”

“Is that her name now?” Mingyu laughs, gawking at the turn of events that’s taken place in such a short period of time.

“Better than calling her by her name, talking about all the ways we made her cum, and having Jeonghan and Joshua show up to overhear us,” Seungcheol points out. “Or worse, her father.”

“Ok, good point.”

“Anyways,” Seungcheol waves a hand, “I talked to her this morning-”

“Yeah, she mentioned you were being a dick again-”

“Of course she did,” Seungcheol’s energy changes, turning gloomy. “What the fuck are we going to do with her?”

“Uh…” Mingyu considers it for a moment, not sure what answer his friend is looking for. “Blow her back out again?”

“And you’re not going to be sad when we leave and go home to different cities?”

Mingyu cocks his head, assessing Seungcheol. “Dude- are you going to be sad when that happens?”

“No.” Suengcheol responds much too quickly.

“You do know that we’re going to see her again, right? Jeonghan and Joshua came by this morning and we had a good talk, they even invited her to come visit sometime soon.”

“Were they suspicious at all?”

“It’s Jeonghan and Joshua, they’re always suspicious,” Mingyu points out. “And to be fair, they did give us permission to fuck her- so you don’t have to be this secretive.”

“This whole thing is making me a little crazy I think,” Seungcheol admits, giving his head a shake.

“Yeah- I’ve never seen you this worked up about a girl.”

“And I’ve never seen you so calm about a girl.”

Mingyu shrugs. “What’s the point in being weird about it? It only makes things messier- but, I mean, I guess you do like messy girls.”

“Shut up.”

“Wow,” Mingyu laughs, “you really are being a dick today.”

“Shut up!”

“Fine-” Mingyu concedes, “but seriously, take a chill pill, everything will be easier if you relax a little.”

21: Wednesday - evening

Dinner had been a little odd, to say the least.

Sat between Mingyu and Seungcheol, across from Jeonghan and Joshua, it’s as if Seungcheol had done everything in his power to act as if you’re still enemies. He’d hardly talked or looked at you the entire time.

Mingyu, on the other hand, had been as attentive as possible without making it obvious that he’d been balls deep in you less than twenty-four hours ago.

Despite the attempt at whatever normalcy you’ve gained with your roommates, something had told you that your step-brothers knew exactly what was going on… and it had only added to the fun of things.

Walking back to the cabins as a group, you’d found yourself next to Jeonghan. The conversation had been light, surface level, but when he’d pulled off to head to his own door, he’d told you to “have a good night, but not too good” with a wink, and the interaction had solidified in your mind the idea that he knows exactly what his roommates are going to do to you.

You all know it. There’s a tension in the air, especially as you, Seungcheol, and Mingyu make your way into your own cabin.

“So,” you say as the door closes behind you, “are we gonna fuck or-”

Arms encircle your waist, lifting you off the ground and cutting you off midsentence. Lips brush by your ear and Mingyu’s voice has you tingling with interest when he confirms, “we’re gonna fuck,” before throwing you onto your bed.

Last night, Mingyu had been the soft needy presence at your back, but today, it’s clear that his energy has shifted, and your heart is thrumming in your chest from the change.

“What are you going to do to me?” you ask in a teasingly seductive voice, rolling onto your back and propping yourself up on your elbows to look at the two men you share your cabin with.

“Gyu’s been wondering how you taste,” Seungcheol says, “and I’ve been thinking that, seeing as you know how he tastes, you might be wondering what I’m like.”

“Ohmygod-” your breath is caught, and Mingyu dropping to his knees at the foot of the bed forces you to tear your eyes away from his friend.

Tonight, you’re definitely going to have troubles deciding who to focus on.

“Can I take these off?” Mingyu asks, grabbing at your pants and tugging gently.

“Yes, please-”

He tears them off of you as easily as anything, and then his hand encircles your ankle, dragging you to the edge of the mattress.

You wonder if he’s going to tear your panties off too, but as Mingyu begins placing sloppy kisses along your inner thighs, his fingers catch in the fabric of your underwear to pull them to the side and you realize he’s not even going to bother with fully undressing you.

He’s frenzied, breath hot as it fans over your entrance, and you both release moans of pleasure when he places his mouth on you, tongue licking a wet stripe along your pussy.

“Fuck-” you whimper, reaching down to tangle your fingers in his hair.

“Feels good?” Seungcheol’s voice prompts you to take a quick look at him, and he comes around the side of the bed. “When’s the last time someone properly ate you out?”

“A while-” you admit, pushing your pussy closer to Mingyu’s face and his tongue slips into your hole, nose brushing by your clit-

“Then you’re going to enjoy this,” Seungcheol tells you, getting onto the bed and prompting you to sit up so he can be something like a backrest for you, your head resting back against his abs, “because Mingyu’s a pussy eating champ.”

“Yeah, he is,” you moan, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling.

A few moments later, Seungcheol’s toying with your shirt. “This needs to come off.”

You laugh. “Eager to play with my tits again, Cheol?”

“Yeah, so take it all off.”

You begin to comply with the request, and Mingyu pulls away from you long enough to drag your panties down your legs before returning his mouth to your core. You guess all truly means all when Seungcheol’s in charge.

He helps you with your turtleneck, and your hands slip under your back to deal with your bra.

You’re naked in record time.

The man you’re leaning against immediately goes for your breasts, large, warm hands grabbing at you.

“Pretty princess,” he breathes, gentle at first while his friend sucks your clit into his mouth, making your legs twitch around his head. “He wants to make you cum like this before he fucks you,” Seungcheol says, “while you can still be loud- before you have my cock in your mouth. So I think, while you can, maybe you should tell Mingyu how good he’s doing, you both have a thing for praise.”

“Since when-” you stifle a moan, “since when did you know so much about- about his preferences?”

“You’re not the first girl we’ve fucked together princess, no matter how much you wish you were.” His words sting, but they also bring some clarity to you.

No wonder it hadn’t taken much convincing last night- you’d thought you had simply been sexy enough to entice them, but here you are, finding out that they’ve done this before.

Seungcheol captures your nipples between his fingers, pinching hard enough to have you gasping. “You going to do as I say? Or are we going to keep talking about this?”

You definitely don’t want to pry for more information.

“Feels so good Mingyu- fuck, you’re doing so good- please, my clit-”

He pulls your sensitive bud into his mouth again, flicking it with his tongue and making you moan even louder.

“Yes! Just like that- God, I need your fingers too, I want your fingers so bad-”

Mingyu’s always so eager to please, and two fingers slip into your core while he continues to suck on your clit.

“Fuck-” your hips push forward, only for the man eating you out to hold you down with his free hand.

“Sounds like you’re close, princess,” Seungcheol grabs your neck, fingers curling around your throat. “Gonna cum for us?”

“Uh huh,” you bite into your lip, “feels so-”

Mingyu crooks his fingers, rubbing at your sweet spot while his tongue flicks repeatedly at your clit, and you’re practically a goner. Your back arches, Seungcheol’s grip on your throat only heightening the pleasure that begins to sizzle through you. “Fuck- shit- Mingyu-”

You can feel him smiling against your pussy now, groaning and sending vibrations through you that have your toes curling as you drag them against his back-

“You make such pretty sounds when you cum,” Seungcheol muses, pinching your nipple and adding even more to the overwhelm that floods through you.

Mingyu hasn’t let up on your pussy, and it’s almost becoming too much, your hips fighting against his hand-

“Fuck- fuck-” you can’t seem to whimper much else, but it’s enough to have Mingyu pulling away, mouth pressing slopping kisses to your inner thighs while his fingers come to a stop.

“Can I fuck you now?” he asks. “I’ve been thinking about you all day-”

“Please-” your hurt lurches at his words, insides twisting and fluttering-

“We’ve both been thinking about you all day,” Seungcheol corrects, and you open your eyes to look up at the man who has only slightly let up on your throat.

“Have you been thinking about us?” Mingyu asks, his breath fanning over your pussy again, making your legs twitch.

“Mmhmm, been thinking about being perfectly full-” you sigh, running your hand through Mingyu’s hair. “You guys will fill me up, right? Fingers aren’t enough.”

“Greedy princess,” Seungcheol laughs, shaking his head at you.

Mingyu says nothing, he simply grabs your hips and flips you, man handling you into doggy position while Seungcheol gets onto his knees in front of you.

He pulls off his shirt, revealing the chiseled torso you love so much, and then pushes down his joggers, cock springing to attention. “Ready to be full?”

“Is that even a question?” you retort, wrapping your hand around him and guiding his tip to your lips, tongue kitten licking at him.

“No teasing,” Seungcheol says darkly, reaching down to brush your hair out of your face.

Behind you, Mingyu lets out a small laugh, and you enjoy the fact that he obviously finds amusement in the constant struggle you have with Cheol.

His cockhead presses against your wet pussy, slipping just the tip into your hole, and you realize Seungcheol’s right about not enjoying being teased-

“Both of you better fuck me properly,” you warn before sinking your mouth onto the man in front of you.

You’re rewarded when Mingyu follows suit, pushing his cock deep into you and releasing a groan that has your insides fluttering. His large hands grab your hips, securing you when he takes his first thrust.

He’s not rough about it, he doesn’t push you further on his friend when he begins to fuck you, instead, Mingyu allows you to find your own pace with Seungcheol as he finds his own pace with you.

You kind of like it this way, it feels like you’re more in control as you suck on Seungcheol, instead of you being a toy for them to use and fuck into submission.

You’ve sucked big cock before, but there’s something about Seungcheol’s girth that makes it hard to allow him deeper into your throat, so you take to pumping what you can’t suck.

Your eyes close and you enjoy the feeling of pleasuring Seungcheol while Mingyu pleasures you.

“Who knew you’d be so good at this, princess,” Seungcheol breathes above you. “Fuck- your tongue-”

Hearing Seungcheol groan is becoming a new guilty pleasure of yours, and you suck on him even harder, eager for more.

Behind you, Mingyu’s as vocal as ever, moans and grunts of ecstasy tumbling out of him with each snap of his hips. His fingers dig into your skin, and he begins to pull you backwards to meet him, dragging you off his friend.

“Watch it, Gyu,” Seungcheol’s angry growl has you swooning.

As does Mingyu’s response; “Thought you wanted to fuck her face?”

This immediately prompts Seungcheol to rut his own hips forward, meeting Mingyu’s thrusting rhythm to have his cock burying in your mouth with each push and pull.

You had wanted to be stuffed, and now they’re really doing it for you.

Now you feel like their little toy, and something about that makes a new surge of wetness run through your core.

“Fuck- she likes this,” Mingyu groans, “baby, you’re practically dripping-”

“Bet she’d absolutely lose it if you grabbed her ass a little-” Seungcheol points out. “It still hurts from yesterday, right, angel? Still sore from being battered-”

Mingyu shifts one of his hands from your waist to your bum, gently squeezing the bruised flesh-

A flash of pain jitters through you, and it has your pussy throbbing-

“Fuuuuck-” Mingyu moans loudly.

“Told you she’d love it.” The man whose cock is hitting the back of your throat with each thrust of his hips is much too smug about this- “Bet you’re too pussy to actually spank her though.”

You’re shocked at what Seungcheol’s just said, and from the gasping sound behind you, you can bet Mingyu is too.

“I shouldn’t- she wouldn’t-”

Seungcheol pulls his cock out of your mouth, grabbing a fistful of your hair and forcing you to look up at him. “Would you like Mingyu to spank you a little? He won’t do it as hard as me-”

You’re so busy sputtering and trying to catch your breath that you can’t really speak, so you take to nodding, gasping for air before you can finally say “yes-”

“She’ll like it,” Seungcheol confirms, letting go of your hair and slipping himself back into your mouth.

“I-” the man behind you squeezes your bum again, and your body tingles with anticipation. “Fuck, okay-” he removes his hand, only for it to come back down on your ass a moment later, a small smacking noise sounding through the small cabin.

You groan around Seungcheol’s cock, pain tingling through your body in the most delightful way.

“Shit-” Mingyu groans, “I don’t think either of us are going to last if I keep doing that-”

“Aren’t you here to make her cum though?” Seungcheol asks.

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts, Gyu, I’m getting impatient.”

“Fuck, right,” you hear Mingyu swallow. “Okay- I know how to make our princess cum.” He releases your ass, and slips his hand around the front of your body, fingers seeking out your clit.

You whine loudly around Seungcheol’s cock, and he pulls out of your mouth, allowing the sound to fill the room.

There are tears in your eyes from everything that’s been going on, and you sputter, taking a breath and blinking up at Seungcheol. One of his hands is in your hair, and the other is wrapped around his cock, slowly pumping while he watches you. “Is he gonna make you cum?”

“God, yes-” you moan louder as Mingyu applies more pressure to your clit, rutting into you wildly. “Fuck- I’m so close- Mingyu-”

“Me too- shit, you feel so fucking good, oh my god-” his sounds are music to your ears. “Shit- I want you to cum with me- you’ll cum with me right? Come on princess, cum with me-”

You’re not sure who cums first, only that you both fall over the edge around the same time. Mingyu’s hips smack against your sore ass with each rough thrust, his groans and whimpers mingling with your own as your pussy clamps down on his cock and milks him for all he’s worth.

He removes his hand from your clit, grabbing your waist to pull you back to meet the last of his thrusts as he rides out your orgasms.

You can’t even catch a breath when it’s done, because Seungcheol’s insistent “my turn” reminds you that you still have one more man to please- one more man to fuck you stupid.

You’re getting used to being manhandled, and it’s no surprise when Seungcheol flips you onto your back and slots himself between your legs. His eyes assess your face, and he checks in with an “all good?” that has you nodding.

You grab at his shoulders, pulling his mouth to your own, and in your post orgasmic bliss, you find yourself getting lost in Seungcheol’s lips.

He’s an amazing kisser, tongue gliding past your own, teeth teasing by your bottom lip- it makes you squirm below him, locking your ankles together at the small of his back.

You’re impatient and thankfully, you’re not forced to wait for long.

“Messy princess,” Seungcheol breathes, looking down to where he’s tapping the head of his cock against your clit. “Always so needy.”

“Please-” you move your mouth to his throat, kissing and suckling on his skin, nails digging into his strong shoulders.

“Because you asked so nicely.” He pushes into you, inch after inch, until his hips are flush with your own. “Didn’t you just get fucked? How are you still so tight-”

You moan against his neck, teeth grazing by his skin. It’s your last day on vacation, and if there’s ever been a time to mark up the big mean dom with his cock buried in your cunt, it’s now.

“Cheol-” you whimper, “just fuck me-”

His fists clench in the sheets by your head, and he takes his first thrust, cock head pressing against a spot that has you mewling for him, toes curling.

“Like this?” he prompts. “Slow and deep?”

“Then hard and fast,” you tell him.

“Always telling me what to do,” Seungcheol sighs. “As if I don’t already know exactly what to do to have you whimpering under me like a whore in heat-”

“Mmm-” you moan as he begins to fuck you harder, “Cheol-”

“That’s it, those are the sounds I like to hear.”

You love how you’re allowed to simply throw your head back and enjoy the ride. You’re his cute little pillow princess, and you’ll be damned if you don’t make all the noises Seungcheol loves to listen to.

Tracing his muscular shoulders feels like heaven while he fucks you senseless, and it’s easy to get lost in the feeling of him.

A hand slips between your bodies, seeking out your clit, and when you open your eyes, you realize Mingyu is laying next to you, and it’s his fingers rubbing your sensitive nub.

“I like watching you get fucked,” he whispers, leaning forward to press a kiss to your shoulder.

Above you, Seungcheol lets out something between a scoff and a laugh, but his motions continue, thrusts unfaltering.

“Bet you love having both of us like this,” your main dom says after a moment. “Love being the center of attention- you’re just a good little attention whore, aren’t you?”

“Yes, daddy,” you whine, becoming more and more lost in the feeling of them.

“Fuck, I can feel you getting tighter- you close princess? Already?”

You nod, “Mmhmm-”

“Well you’re gonna hold it.”

Your eyes open, and you blink up at Seungcheol, shocked.

“Yeah,” he grins, “you heard me. Hold it.”

“But-” you dig your nails into his shoulders.

“No buts, hold it.” He leans over you, lips ghosting past your ear. “You want to cum with me, don’t you?”

“Yes, daddy, but-”

“Wait a little longer,” Seungcheol insists.

“It feels so good-” you whine louder, body tingling as both men continue their assault on your pussy. “I wanna cum so badly-”

The man above you releases a moan at your words.

You grab at Seungcheol’s shoulders again, pulling him close so you can be the one whispering in his ear. “Daddy- it feels so good, I wanna cum- you feel so fucking good- so deep- please let me cum- cum with me, please- I need it-”

Seungcheol groans louder, fucking you even harder-

“Please, daddy, fill me up- I wanna be filled, I want your cum-”

“Shit-” he bites down into his lip, rutting into you wildly.

“Just like that, daddy, just like that- you’ll let me cum, right?”

“Fuck-”

“You sound so close,” you whisper, gently biting at his ear lobe, “are you close, daddy?”

Seungcheol releases a deep groan, one hand reaching down to anchor your hips. “On the count of five, princess-” he tells you, “five, four, three-” your muscles ache from holding back your orgasm, “two, one.”

Your entire body shakes as you finally release, gasps of ecstasy escaping you as you wrap your arms around Seungcheol, burying your face against his neck.

“Fuck-” he grunts, continuing to ride you through your highs while Mingyu applies even more pressure to your clit with his nimble fingers.

“Shit- Cheol- fuck, Gyu!” you push your hips up, only to be held down by the man above you, the pleasure becoming almost too much for you to handle.

You can feel tears in your eyes.

All you can do is hold onto Seungcheol and take what’s being given to you, muscles screaming as the feeling of orgasmic bliss overwhelms your entire form.

Mingyu’s the first to let up on you, removing his hand while Seungcheol finishes the last of his thrusts.

You’re both gasping, and it feels only right to grab Seungcheol’s face, bringing his lips to your own to muffle your sounds as his movements slowly come to a stop.

“Crying again?” Seungcheol sighs when he tears his mouth from your own, looking down at you with an expression mixed with concern and amusement.

“Feels good,” you tell him weakly. “Hate that it’s the last night.”

“It’s still early,” Mingyu says from next to you, leaning in to kiss your shoulder again. “I have another few rounds in me.”

“I’m sure you do,” you laugh, body flooded with too many emotions to count.

“Let’s give you a sec,” Seungcheol suggests, “and then we can decide what to do next.”

The answer is obvious to you already.

You want to do them next… or is it again?

Either way, you’re determined to fuck these men until you can’t feel your legs.

It’s your last night here, and you’ll be damned if you don’t make the most of it.

22: thursday - departure

It’s only day two of waking up in bed next to you, but Mingyu knows he enjoys this view infinitely more than the visual he’d become accustomed to from the couch.

Sure, his best friend is curled up at your back, but Mingyu still gets a prime vantage point in front of you.

He’s the first to wake up, and he lays there in silence, listening to you breathe.

He’d never expected this, but to be fair, he’d never expected Jeonghan and Joshua’s mom to remarry again.

This whole thing has been a whirlwind of events that Mingyu could have never conjured up in his wildest dreams.

While it’s true he and Seungcheol have fucked girls together before- it had always been a one night thing, never two in a row. And Mingyu’s never woken up squished on a double bed with a girl between him and his roommate-

Behind you, Seungcheol shifts, body unconsciously drawing you closer, and for some crazy reason, the sight makes Mingyu relax a little.

Mingyu knows he’s whipped, but there’s no going back now.

All he can do is enjoy these last few hours… and press your new step-brothers for a visit in the very near future.

23: thursday - departure

“Don’t be stupid,” Seungcheol says as you lift your suitcase to start down the cabin stairs.

“Don’t call me stupid,” you snap back.

Seungcheol can’t help but smile. Your words have little effect on him, not now that he’s made you cum more times than he can count.

“Let me carry this for you,” he insists, pushing your hand away from your luggage handle.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, princess,” Seungcheol laughs, “I’m sure.”

The two of you start down the stairs while Mingyu locks up behind you.

A hundred feet away, Jeonghan and Joshua are also leaving their cabin.

“Hey you three,” Jeonghan grins, waving, “sleep well last night?”

There’s always an edge to his words now, and Seungcheol knows what his friend is hinting at, but he pushes through with a casual response. “Slept okay, you guys?”

“Slept fine,” Jeonghan’s clearly not too impressed with Seungcheol’s answer, but doesn’t push for more. Instead, he hits Seungcheol with a “nice turtleneck.”

When Seungcheol had realized you’d marked him after your first few orgasms last night, he’d made you pay for it, but now he’s the one facing consequences by being stuck in a matching shirt, the both of you hiding hickeys.

Mingyu’s the only one of the three of you who had left the bed unscathed, but Seungcheol supposes that’s a testament to his gentle way of going about things.

“What time is the airport shuttle coming?” Mingyu asks, changing the topic.

“In fifteen minutes,” Joshua answers, checking the watch on his wrist. “We’ve got time.”

As your rag tag band of people begin down the snow path towards the resort, Seungcheol makes an effort to be truly present. You may have time to get to the shuttle, but he’s painfully aware that the time he has with you is running out.

Even so, there’s something that tells Seungcheol he’ll see you again, and for whatever reason, he guesses it will be sooner than he might think.

24: thursday - departure

Your ass hurts, but it’s the best hurt you’ve ever felt as your plane lifts off the tarmac to take you home.

This week had been unexpected.

You’re not really sure how you’d pictured it going down, but you definitely hadn’t imagined getting fucked by your new step brothers’ roommates.

You hadn’t imagined becoming absolutely dick whipped for them either.

And yet here you are.

It hurts to set your phone on airplane mode, to message your new tiny group chat and let Seungcheol and Mingyu know that you’ve taken off, but at least the chat will be there for you when you land.

The fact that Mingyu had insisted on a group chat - and Seungcheol hadn’t muttered a word of protest - tells you that maybe they like you as much as you like them.

You don’t think they’re the kind of guys that would fuck their friends’ step-sister just for shits and giggles, but you remind yourself that you truly haven’t known them for long.

You’ll have to take Jeonghan up on his offer of coming to visit sometime, and until then, you might just have to wallow in your sexual frustration.

Fuck, what a trip this had been.

☀️ mlist + an. thank you for reading! this was such a long one, but i feel like the slow burn needed to happen lol :)

🍭 support me by.sending a tip here or here - or become a patron to access monthly bonus content and extensions for fics like this one :) find the Patreon teaser below!

🔮 preview. “Is now the part where you throw me over your shoulder, take me to your room, and fuck me with your best friend?” Seungcheol laughs at your question, “Now is the part where we see if you’ve been lying about anal training in the group chat.”

cw/ tw. mentions of toys, dirty talk, praise, degradation spanking, oral (m/f receiving), rim job, back shots, anal, unprotected sex, double penetration, etc...

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 4.6k I teaser wc. 355

🌙 staring. Seungcheol & Mingyu x afab!Reader

bonus teaser

“Guess who I just got off the phone with?” Jeonghan says, waltzing into the apartment living room with a grin on his face.

“Your doctor?” Seungcheol answers, not bothering to tear his gaze from the tv where they’re watching the baseball game. “He told you you’re officially chlamydia free?”

“You know what-” Jeonghan lifts up a pillow, attacking his friend with it while Seungcheol giggles and blocks the hits, “you better not bring this up ever again! I’ll call my sister back right now and tell her not to bother coming if you’re going to be like this-”

“You invited your sister over?!” Mingyu and Seungcheol perk up instantly, with the elder grabbing the pillow from Jeonghan and tearing it from his hands to throw to the side.

“Invited her for a week next month,” Jeonghan confirms, “but I can call her back right now-”

“You didn’t invite her for the week we’re going to be out of town, did you?” Joshua sighs, already knowing exactly where this story is going- and Jeonghan’s grin confirms it. “Did you bother telling our step-sister that we wouldn’t be here?”

“She didn’t need those details,” Jeonghan insists, “we all know why she’s coming to visit.”

Mingyu and Cheol shift in their seats, and Jeonghan delights in being the puppet master behind getting his closest friends laid.

“I’m going to go call her-” Joshua stands, reaching for his phone.

“No-” Jeonghan whines, “it should be a surprise-”

Joshua ignores his brother, leaving the room to call you, only to return a few minutes later. “Her flight is already booked,” his gaze shifts to his roommates, “you two better take care of her the week she comes to visit.”

“You say that as if we didn’t take care of her last time,” Seungcheol protests.

“You two know exactly what I’m saying,” Joshua says, looking directly at Seungcheol and Mingyu. “Promise me you’ll actually take her places and show her around.”

“We promise,” Mingyu says earnestly, and Joshua has no doubt that Mingyu’s already planning to take you to some of his favourite restaurants- Seungcheol on the other hand… he’s not too sure about.

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bodrewritten · 13 days

Text

Daughter of Discord Rewritten Chapter 6: An Unusual Friend

When Screwball awoke that weekend it was nearly dawn. The midnight air thickened as the morning settled over her window. She often rose early, as it gave her the perfect opportunity to sneak out. She needed to clear her head.

After putting her hat on, she opened the door with a crack. Light gushed from the crack and illuminated her eyes and she squinted. Screwball saw that her parents were not yet awake. She floated into the air and slowly made her way to the front door. Seeing that she had not stirred them, Screwball transported outside of the colorful castle and crossed the bridge into the Everfree Forest.

Teleporting was harder than it looked. At her current age, the filly could travel no further than a few feet. Even that would leave her slightly dizzy. This is why she ran the rest of the way.

She came upon a brown lake, one she had found a few years ago the first time she had snuck out, The water had not been brown then. She had turned it into chocolate milk so the creatures of the forest would not come for a drink, so she would be left alone.

This was her sanctuary. This was where she could spread her chaos freely. No rules, no judgment, no ponies, just her and fun.

Miles away, in a forest much darker and more sinister than the Everfree Forest, Queen Chrysalis was sitting on her throne, plotting her next move. One of her servants approached cautiously.

The castle walls were riddled with organically geometric designs. A honeycomb or near steel hard shell echoed every flutter of wings against the hollow chambers. Thick brambles of thorns hid the place from any prying eye.

"Uh, your majesty?" he whimpered with a bow. "The prince is here to see you."

"Oh, yes," the queen muttered. "Let him come forth."

The changeling who approached was slightly different from the others. While he had a sleek black body with a green elektra, translucent wings and deformed legs, he had blue hair flowing down to his shoulders and green eyes with black pupils. He was quite young, a foal at that, a small male version of the queen. His eyes were the only indication that he was different from her aside from his being a male, since they were downturned, when his mother's were sharp and lifted up.

"Ah, the prince," she said with pride.

She stepped down from her throne to inspect his growth. She lifted his chin so that he may look into her eyes.

"Today's the day you go on your first hunt. If you are ever to one day rule as King, then you must be able to find food for your subjects. Are you ready, boy?"

The prince straightened up and held his head high. "I am, mother!"

"Show me! What is the first rule of hunts?"

"Do not get caught!"

"And the second rule?"

"Make sure the pony you change into is not around!"

"And our motto?"

"Love is weakness for the victim, but strength for us!"

"Excellent! Now, since you are still young, I suggest you keep your targets simple, perhaps a young foal of some sort. And steer clear of Canterlot. They are always on the lookout for 'suspicious characters.' And don't return until you've had enough to make me proud."

The prince nodded and took to the skies. He had not left the Changeling Forest without an escort before and was not familiar with the outside world. He gawked at the greenness of it all. He imagined what it would be like to roll in that soft grass.

He shook these thoughts out of his mind. He had a job to do.

His expedition led him to the Everfree Forest. The best way to catch an unsuspecting pony was in a closed area. He was not aware of the forest's danger or its lack of ponies. He landed on the path and began his search.

His ears perked up as he heard a noise. He hid in the bushes and listened again. It was soft, it was haunting. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

The sound guided him to a clearing. He gawked at the sight. Where trees should have been, there were enormous candy canes with slightly less enormous gumdrops surrounding them. The ground was pink with orange and green polka-dotted toadstools and swirly lollipops growing up from it. What sort of place was this?

The prince jumped as something emerged from the muddy lake. It was a filly looking about his age wearing a mask and snorkel. The thick brown water dripped from her curly purple and white mane and pink fur. As she started humming, the prince realized that beautiful melody had been coming from her.

The filly sighed. "Snorkeling can get boring."

A small dingy appeared beneath her, a newspaper hat atop her head. The prince was astounded, swearing that he had not seen her horn.

"Sailing, however," she smiled bright!

She summoned a small mast and pulled up a flag with a screw and baseball on it, matching her cutie mark. Then she made an eye patch appear over her eye.

"Argh!" she cried. "Ahoy, mateys! Next stop, Fillydelphia, where we shall rob them of their gold, their jewels, and their cream cheese!" The prince stifled a chuckle. This filly was quite amusing.

At that moment, something pounded hard inside the prince's chest. In a mere instant, perplexed as he was enchanted by this filly, he had forgotten to feed! The prince looked into the filly's mind for her loved ones. The first thing he saw startled him, for it was a mangled creature that he figured to be her pet. How cruel of these folk to force such a creature into captivity! Next was a pegasus that he assumed to be the mother. That would not do, He had not mastered adult transformations yet. Then he saw a unicorn filly with strange eyes.

"Well, I've never been to Greenland, And I've never been to Denver~!" She changed loudly in her deep voice. It was just slightly deeper than most young fillies, and he could tell she was in a choir class.

He closed his eyes and concentrated, adopting the pony's shape. In a blaze of green fire, he had turned into the unicorn. The disguised changeling jumped out of the trees and approached the sailing filly.

"There you are!"

Screwball shrieked in surprise.

"Dinky, what are you doing here?"

The prince gasped as the filly floated to shore, changing her paper hat into a propeller one. He then got a good look at her eyes as she removed the patch. They were unlike anything he had ever seen before and he could get lost in those hypnotic spirals.

"Dinky?"

He snapped out of his trance, remembering he was disguised as the unicorn filly (Dinky, was it?). He borrowed one of the excuses his mother taught him:

"I came looking for you! Your mother's worried sick!"

"But why are you out here?" Screwball asked, tilting her head. "Don't you know it's dangerous out here?"

"You're out here, aren't you?"

"Well yeah, but I can protect myself. Besides, I thought this forest scared you to death!"

The changeling hesitated. "Uh, yeah! But I got brave! Your mom's looking for you!"

He could feel the love on his tongue. Friendship was not the most filling of meals, but it had a decent taste. It was like a nice merengue.

Screwball, in the mean time, was growing suspicious. She could not explain it, but she could tell when ponies were lying and Dinky was not one to lie.

"You're not Dinky," she muttered, scowling.

The changeling's false eyes widened and then he laughed. "Don't be silly! Of course, I'm Dinky!"

He squealed as he was lifted by the tail off the ground. He faced his adversary upside-down. No! He could not be caught on his first hunt!

"Put me down! It's really me! I'm Dinky!"

"No, you're not!" the filly snapped, stomping her hoof. "Show yourself!"

Then the prince was unwillingly changed back to his true self. Screwball gazed at the creature in wonder. Swiss cheese legs, cobweb hair, a deformed horn, insect-like wings: she had never seen anything like it before.

"What are you?" she asked, circling around him.

"How did you do that?!" the prince demanded, finally noticing something about the filly. "More importantly, how did you do that without a horn?"

"That's none of your business! Who do you think you are, posing as my friend? Impersonating ponies is a crime!"

"Answer my question! Who are you and what are you doing here?!"

"But how did you know…?"

He waved his forelegs desperately. "Look, I don't want any trouble! I was just so hungry and…"

The filly's mouth broke into a smile. "Well, why didn't you say so?"

The prince cried out as she dropped him. He rubbed his head in pain.

"If you're hungry, I can just give you something!" Screwball said cheerfully. "You like cotton candy?"

"Huh?" he uttered.

"How about chocolate milk?"

"What is that?"

Screwball gasped as if she had witnessed a murder. "You've never had chocolate milk?! What sick, twisted home did you grow up in?! Oh well. I'd say it's about time you tried it."

She summoned a glass and dipped it in the lake. She handed it to the changeling, who looked at it like he had no idea what to do with it.

"Go on, drink it!" the filly urged.

He cringed. "You insist I drink... mucky water?"

"It's not mucky water. It's chocolate milk! Trust me, you'll love it!"

He figured he should tell her that he did not eat or drink, but for some reason he did not want to disappoint this filly. He was still trying to process how she had unmasked him and why she had not run away by now. So he hesitantly took the glass and raised it to his lips.

His eyes shot open as the liquid touched his tongue. He then chugged the rest of the contents down his throat. It tasted like an earthy orangish-yellow with bright green swirls. It tasted organic and ancient, like a groovy, warm R&B track.

"This stuff is amazing!" he exclaimed. "It tastes just like love!"

Screwball tilted her head. "Mrs. Sparkle says it's because chocolate makes the love part of your brain work like being in love does!"

She giggled as the peculiar colt scooped his glass into the lake. She still did not know what he was.

"I've never seen a creature like you before," she stated.

"I could say the same about you," the prince said, looking her over. "How do you do all this without a horn? And your eyes are very…"

"Strange, I know."

"fascinating."

She beamed and puffed out her chest with pride. "I'm the only one of my kind!"

"Really? Oh, what I would give to be the only one of my kind!"

"Why? Are there many of you?"

He fiddled with his glass. "I have about five thousand sisters at home."

"Five thousand?!" Screwball exclaimed in disbelief. "Golly! Imagine the grocery bills!"

The prince burst into laughter. "Actually, we get our food from…"

He trailed off as they heard a loud roar in the distance. The foals turned to see a large manticore leap out of the trees. He was in a furious state, waving his scorpion stinger frantically. The prince grabbed Screwball's hoof.

"we need to run!"

He practically lifted her off the ground as he pulled her along. She was amazed at how strong he was, considering he was slightly smaller than she was.

"But I can…" she tried to protest.

"Wait!" she cried, tugging herself out of his grasp.

"the strength of a territorial manticore can topple trees!" the changeling spat!

The manticore kept wailing.

She ignored him and approached the roaring beast. "Easy, boy!" Screwball cried.

This time, the creature stopped and turned his attention to the filly.

"she's a female, Her mane is large and her colors are less vibrant..." He trembled.

"then she's likely just protecting her cubs."

"That's better," she said, nuzzling his paw with her snout. "It's okay. I won't hurt you."

"You won't hurt her?" the prince uttered.

The manticore nodded with a smile and vanished into the forest. The prince stared at the filly in awe.

Screwball looked up at the manticore with a slow blink. She lowered her stature and stepped back. She spoke only in body movement, squiggling and squaggling along like a bee on a string.

"How did you…?"

"Mom told me to show every beast a little kindness," Screwball explained. "I let her know that we won't mess with her territory."

"That was amazing! You were…" he paused as he and the filly locked eyes. "You must be the bravest pony I've ever met."

She pulled him into a gentle embrace. "You were pretty brave yourself, trying to get me out of danger. Hey! We weren't properly introduced. My name's Screwball."

He raised an eyebrow. "Screwball? That's weird."

"take it up with my parents, I dunno."

"No, I mean it's weird, because my name is Mothball."

She gasped. "We're both balls! Hey, you want to hang out?"

Prince Mothball blinked, as if he had never heard the expression before. "Hang out?"

"Yeah! I don't have school today. We can play all morning!"

"Play?"

She tilted her head at him. "What's the matter? Don't you know how to play?"

He said nothing.

"Oh. Well, I'll teach you!"

The prince was skeptical about this. He should really be returning to the hive, but he was feeling so strange around this pony. He assumed it was because of the positive emotions emitting from her to his stomach. His mother had told him not to return until his belly was full, and he could obey that command by staying with the girl.

"Well…" he stammered. "May I have more of that chocolate milk?"

Screwball giggled. "Sure."

Neither of them noticed, high above the trees, the insectoid scout lieutenant prying into the scene.

#mothball has synesthesia #thye have a kind of spock/kirk dynamic with a bit of marcille/falin and thats the ONLY way i can describe it #mlp fim #my little pony friendship is magic #daughter of discord rewritten #chapter 6 #mothball mlp #screwball mlp #romance #shipping #early 2010s #fanfiction #fankid #fluttercord #fimfiction #changeling

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btsmfanfics · 2 years

Text

The Choreographer -- Pt. 12

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader (With some Jimin X reader and Yoongi X Reader, but mostly JK).

Rating: Explicit (not so much in this chapter, but in others)

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of past drug use, mentions of past threesomes, mentions of past sexual assault.

Summary: You were the assistant choreographer for BTS tasked with taking over for the lead while on tour. You'd sacrificed everything for this job, and you didn't want to risk it, but the temptation has proved to be too sweet.

Now you have to juggle the social, physical, and emotional consequences of your affairs. Jealousy between the members, social isolation, and potential feelings? No, that last one was not something you'd allow. You already had enough on your plate. You had to squash that down.

But feelings demand to be felt. And you cannot run away forever.

---OR---

How I dumped all my trauma into a single fanfic.

Masterlist is here

_______

A/N: I promise the chapter after this won’t be so heavy. I’m going to add in a lighter and fluffier filler chapter for a nice break before we get back into the heavy stuff. It’s nearing the end of the story now. I can’t believe we’ve come this far. This has been three years in the making. THIS IS ANOTHER SAD ONE. Please, please, please do not read this if you aren’t in a great place mentally. I don’t think absorbing more sadness will help. We relive some of her past trauma in this one and it doesn’t necessarily end on a positive note. This character will be happy again soon, I promise.

_________________________________________

Chapter 12:

The numbness carried over to the next morning, when you arose to a sun that was far too bright and skies that were much too clear.

You had to face him again today. You didn’t know if you could.

The temptation to leave had reached a crescendo last night. This level of moral perfection was too much to ask of anyone. You’d had rough nights before, but this was getting to be too much. How much more would you have to give to this company? You barely had anything left.

You’d sacrificed far too much to be here, though. You couldn’t let that be in vain.

You arrived at the venue early. Jia was already there, setting up her station.

She took one look at you and rushed over to wrap you up in a hug.

“Are you okay?” she asked. You buried your face in her shoulder. “What happened?”

You shook your head against her collar, unable to form words. Tears threatened to spill over at her kindness. One of them actually did.

You sat in Jia’s makeup chair while she brushed your hair for you and did her best to conceal the dark circles under your puffy, red eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to kick someone’s ass?” she asked.

You gave her the closest thing to a smile you could muster. “Thanks, Ji. That would be great.”

She seemed satisfied enough with your answer to drop the subject. She didn’t even ask who. She didn’t need to.

It was a while before the guys all strolled into the makeup room. When they did, you immediately faced forward and averted your eyes. You couldn’t chance looking at him.

Yoongi made a beeline over to where you and Jia were setting up.

“What happened to you?” he asked, loud and brash as he always was.

“Real nice,” Jia spat.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” you said and got up so he could sit in the makeup chair. He plopped down as Jia began arranging her brushes on the counter before him.

“If it makes you feel any better, I had a shit night too,” he said.

“I can see that,” said Jia as she began to dip a brush into a palette. “How many sets of dark circles am I going to have to cover today?”

“Why’s that?” you asked him.

“I got an email from the label. They’re pushing the release date back another month for my mixtape.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I were.”

“How can they keep doing this to you?” you asked.

He shrugged. “Beats me,” he said. “There’s nothing I can do about it though. They have the final say.”

“That sucks, Yoongs,” said Jia. “I’m really sorry.”

“You told them about the mixtape?” Hoseok asked, walking up to where the three of you were conversing. “Bullshit, isn’t it?”

Jia nodded.

Your heart sank. Yoongi had been working so hard on that mixtape. You sensed that he was losing hope. You would too if the thing you really wanted kept getting dangled in front of you, only to be snatched away again and again.

In a way, you supposed that’s exactly what had happened to you.

You chanced a look over at Jungkook. He was joking around with Jin, all smiles and laughter.

“Someone looks like they’re in a good mood,” you muttered to Jia.

“Oh Jungkook?” said Hoseok. “Yeah, I’d be too if I’d gotten head from Yeona last night.”

The brush Jia had been holding clattered to the floor. “Sorry,” she squeaked and ducked down to retrieve it. In the mirror, Yoongi’s eyes flicked up to meet yours.

“Oh?” you asked, throat seizing up.

“Yeah,” said Hoseok. “She’s been after him since the beginning of the tour. Good thing, too, because he definitely needed it. He’s been unbearable lately.”

You exhaled a shaky breath. “Oh.”

“To be honest, I’m surprised it took him as long as it did to taker her up on it. I know I wouldn’t have held out that long. Have you seen the body on that woman?”

Yoongi winced. “Hoseok,” he hissed exasperatedly, “shut the fuck up.”

Hoseok’s brows knitted together as he gaped at Yoongi. The silence between the four of you grew painfully awkward.

“Hey, so did Hanyuel tell you that he’s planning a massive party while we’re in Japan?” Jia cut in. It came out a little louder and faster than normal. Yoongi continued to watch you intently while Hoseok, still looking puzzled, merely shrugged and shifted his focus to Jia.

“That’s awesome,” you breathed, feigning excitement while your insides turned to liquid. You dug your nails into your palms and gritted your teeth to keep your cool until you could get out of there.

“Yeah,” it should be a lot of fun,” she replied. You took a step backwards. Then another.

“Do you think he’ll rent out a movie theater again like he did last year?” Hoseok asked, unaware of the devastating blow he’d delivered only moments ago.

“I don’t know,” answered Jia. “He was talking about go-karts last I knew.” She said this while still watching you over Hoseok’s shoulder. You wanted to tell her you were fine, but you’d be lying. Her face grew more and more concerned as Hoseok’s words blended into the environment. You crossed your arms tightly in front of you, holding your ribcage together.

You were okay. You’d be fine. You knew this was a possibility. Jungkook was just trying to get his needs met.

Isn’t that what all of you were doing? Just trying to get your needs met? How could you fault him for that?

Your stomach lurched. You needed to get out of there.

“I should probably get out of your way,” you said, more people trickling into the room. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

You didn’t even think Hoseok heard you. He was still talking excitedly to the room about the party. Jia and Yoongi watched as you backed away, turned, and rushed out the door.

Turning right, you worked hard to steady your breath as you searched for anything that would do.

You passed several locked doors along the mostly-empty hallway, offices of stadium managers, locker rooms, and storage areas. It stretched on and on. It felt like it would never end. Like the walls were closing in. You quickened your pace.

You found an unlocked supply closet and wrenched the door open, darted inside and, trying to not draw any more attention to you, shut it as softly as you could. Shelves of various cleaning products and cans of paint lined the small area. Several brooms leaned haphazardly against the wall. A large automated floor scrubber took up most of the space, and in the corner sat a lone empty bucket.

You shook your hands, trying to rid yourself of excess anxious energy.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You hummed through the exhale, trying to regulate your breath as tears spilled down.

This was okay. You’d be okay. You knew this could happen. Jungkook didn’t owe you any loyalty, especially after last night.

Scanning the room, you found an empty mop bucket. As quickly and silently as you could, you flipped it over and sat down on it, clutching your chest while you rocked back and forth.

You were okay. You didn’t need him. It was fine. He could be with other women. He could be with Yeona and her amazing body.

You noticed your breath hitching on the intake. You pursed your lips to slow down your exhale and keep yourself from hyperventilating. Your eyes stung. You tapped your chest with your hands, fighting to stay in control.

The air inside the closet was thick and warm. It weighed down your chest, making it difficult to fill your lungs.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

You bit down on your knuckles to muffle the strangled noises now escaping from your throat.

You were spiraling.

The door swung open, startling you. Yoongi peered around it.

“Shit,” he said, closing the door behind him and making his way past the scrubber. He knelt beside you and took your hand in his. “You okay?”

You nodded, bouncing a leg up and down, continuing to rock back in forth. You couldn’t meet his eyes.

The tears continued to pour out. Hot and wet against your cheeks, they slid cleanly down your face and collected at your chin before falling onto your hoodie in fat drops.

“I know that must have been rough to hear,” he said, thumb stroking over yours. “Do you need anything?”

You shook your head no, continuing to stare straight ahead, jaw clenched tight.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked. You nodded.

“Okay.”

He sat down on the floor next to you—his presence calming you down enough for you to process.

As much as you couldn’t fault Jungkook for taking care of his needs, you weren’t prepared for this.

It was just sex, you reminded yourself. It’s not like he had feelings for her. And he had come to you first.

“You know,” said Yoongi softly, “when I first heard the news that my mixtape was delayed again, I threw my phone across the room.”

You looked not quite at him, but your eyes moved slightly in his direction.

“I think I dented the wall. Some poor underpaid maintenance guy is going to have to fix it,” he said.

You didn’t quite laugh, but you exhaled through your nostrils a little faster than normal, knee still bouncing up and down rapidly.

“And that’s not even the worst part,” he continued. “My screen shattered because I was too lazy to buy a screen protector.”

You wouldn’t necessarily agree that him not being able to see his texts was worse than an underpaid maintenance guy having to fix the aftermath of Yoongi’s tantrum, but you didn’t voice that.

“Where are you going with this?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi said. “Just thought you might find it amusing.”

“My deepest condolences for your screen,” you said, flatly.

“Yes, I am suffering more than anyone else in this world, thank you for noticing,” he said.

At that, you managed a chuckle.

“I know you’re going through a tough time right now,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” you said, offering up a small smile. “I’m sorry for you, too. I know how much you had your heart set on a spring release.”

“Ahh,” he said. “I’ll be okay. I might just have to write a really angsty track and include it, now that I have the time.” “I hope you do,” you said.

“You going to be okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” you answered truthfully. “I’d like to think so, but I’m not even sure how I feel.”

“I understand,” he said. “Truly. It’s okay to not be entirely sure. You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

“Will I?” you asked.

“Yes. And even if you don’t, that’s okay too.”

A knock sounded and the door opened. You didn’t bother looking up to see who it was.

“How is she?” you heard Jia ask.

“She’s okay. I’ve got her,” he said.

“Thirty minutes until the run-through,” she said. “You’ve still got to get your makeup touched up, Yoongi.”

“Okay thanks,” he said, taking out his cell phone. “Do you think you can make it through rehearsals? If not, I can call one of our drivers to come get you. Hoseok and I can lead the run-through.”

“You, lead a run-through?” you asked. “You hate dancing.”

“Can’t you let someone do something nice for you without sarcasm?”

“Sorry,” you said immediately. “Yes, that would be nice.”

Yoongi turned back to his phone, but flicked his eyes back up. “Jackass,” he muttered under his breath. A smile played at the corner of his mouth. His eyes screwed up in concentration. You looked down and saw that his phone screen was indeed brutally shattered.

The short drive to the hotel passed by in a blur. You probably could have walked, but it was nice to have someone drive you.

Once in your hotel, you threw yourself back on to the bed and stared at the ceiling. When that didn’t work, you rolled over and screamed into your pillow. After that, you tried punching it several times in your rage. Over and over again, you slammed your fists into the soft down, finally picking it up and throwing it across the room. It hit the beige wall beside your bed and fell to the floor with an unsatisfying plop.

And when that didn’t work, you rolled off the bed and slid onto the floor to join it.

That worked. The floor was exactly where you were meant to be at that moment. You knew for a fact.

You ran your fingers over the rough material of the carpet. It was scratchy. For as nice of a hotel as it was, they sure didn’t break the budget for their carpeting.

“They probably figured their guests wouldn’t be the floor-dwelling type,” you muttered aloud.

Fuck.

Jungkook and Yeona.

You tiled your head backwards on the carpet, hair bunching under your skull, and looked back at the nightstand, observing how odd it appeared from this perspective.

What even was your life right now?

Were you okay? Really?

Yes, you supposed you were. But you weren’t sure how much more you could take after this. You weren’t happy with the level of work you’d been performing. You could feel your energy steadily going downhill, and you hated doing a sub-par job. It wasn’t fair to you or the company.

But you couldn’t exactly quit right now. There was nobody to replace you. A sub-par job would have to do, because you definitely didn’t have the energy to do a thorough one.

That was probably the only concession you could take. The guys were pretty capable of handling themselves. There wasn’t much you had to do by that point anyway. They’d hit their stride and were making far fewer mistakes than they’d made at the start of the tour.

You heaved another sigh.

If you had any sense, you’d quit. You probably should have given your two-weeks notice two weeks ago.

If it weren’t for the damn promise you made, you’d be long gone.

You thought back to Son and wondered how he was doing.

It can’t be easy losing a parent slowly like that. Not one as kind and loving as his.

You flipped on to your side and tucked your arm under your head. As much as you’d like to empathize with Son right now, you had to reserve your empathy for yourself.

What were you going to do?

“Nothing,” you said to the empty room.

You were going to do nothing. There was nothing you could do, anyway. You didn’t have the energy.

You stayed that way, laying on the floor in various positions for most of the night until you couldn’t stand it anymore and had to move.

You only got as far as the bed, however. And with nothing left to do, you turned the TV to a random channel, and dissociated in front of it for the next few hours. You ordered room service again, treating yourself to more than one dish, because that was about all you could do to console yourself at the moment.

Even then, you didn’t have much of an appetite and had to force yourself to eat.

This had to be the worst you’d felt on the tour. Possibly the worst you’d felt since you were still living at home with your narcissistic parents.

You thought you’d escaped these feelings when you left. You thought you wouldn’t have to deal with shit like this anymore once you got out. That your internship had saved you from ever having to feel this trapped in your own life.

You’d worked so hard to be here. Done things you were so, so proud of, as well as things you weren’t.

And for what? To be locked away in a lonely hotel room? Isolated from everyone? No support system outside of work? No life outside of work?

Was this really what you wanted for your life?

At first, it had been. The prestige that came with being a choreographer for a massively successful group made you feel like it was worth the effort. All the pain and hardship and struggles you’d endured. But prestige was only so rewarding after a while.

You thought back to your dream of opening your own studio one day. A dream that you’d pocketed as soon as you’d gotten this gig.

Did you make a mistake accepting this job? Should you have followed through with your original plan and opened your own studio? It would have been difficult, but would you be any better off?

You decided not to follow that train of thought, knowing it would only lead to feelings of regret. You couldn’t handle those on top of everything else. Not right now.

______________

It was approaching midnight when a knock sounded at your door.

You looked out the peep hole before answering. Yoongi was there, holding a bottle of liquor.

“Password?” you asked.

“Eat my ass,” he said. You chuckled and opened the door for him to enter.

His hair was damp and he smelled strongly of hotel soap.

“Sorry it took me so long,” he said, entering your room. “I had to shower and eat.”

He slipped his shoes off and made his way over to the desk, where he found two glasses. He wasted no time pouring two fingers of liquor in each glass, turning to you only when he was ready to hand you one.

You took it gratefully and clinked your glassware with his.

“How’re you holding up?” he asked.

You shrugged, “I’m about here,” you said, gesturing over to the mess of plates piled up on the nightstand next to your bed. “How was the show?”

“It was fine. Jungkook kept his head down. I think he knew he was the reason you weren’t at rehearsal today.”

“And the others?”

“I just told them you weren’t feeling well and needed to rest. They seemed understanding.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah,” he said, taking a sip of the liquor.

“Thanks,” you said. He peered over the glass still touching his lips. He must have sensed your earnestness because he swallowed thickly as he brought the glass back down to his side.

“Drink,” he said, letting his gaze drop from yours to the glass in your hand.

You followed his lead, sipping on the amber liquid. It stung your mouth. You weren’t used to drinking straight liquor unless it was in the form of a shot and you had a chaser.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as you meandered back over to the bed.

You shook your head and took another sip.

“Fair enough,” he said, sitting at the opposite end of the bed and facing you. “For what it’s worth, Hoseok’s an idiot.”

You snorted, because as well-meaning as he was, Hoseok really could be an idiot sometimes.

“He really has no idea when to keep his mouth shut, does he?”

Yoongi’s eyes crinkled, and he flashed that gummy smile. It was infectious.

“In Hoseok’s defense, he didn’t know anything about you and Jungkook,” Yoongi said.

Your face fell once again at the mention of his name. “No, I suppose he didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” said Yoongi. “You said you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“No, it’s probably good to talk about it a little.” “What exactly happened between the two of you?” Yoongi asked seriously. “All I know is that you two had been involved, but then you weren’t, but then maybe you were again? I’m not sure.” Yoongi trailed off.

You took a deep breath.

“He came to my room last night.”

“What?” Yoongi interjected. “What did he want?”

You stayed silent, partially because it was hard to relive, but also because you figured Yoongi could infer it, which he did after a few quiet moments.

“Ah,” he said. “And I’m guessing you turned him down.”

You nodded.

“Which is why he then…,” he tactfully decided not to finish the thought and instead winced. “Yikes.”

You sipped your drink.

“That sucks,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

You closed your eyes and exhaled through your nose, trying to expel the anger that had once again risen up.

“Anything I can do to help?” he asked.

You raised your glass and jiggled it a bit. “This is helping.”

He scooted closer to you, hugging your calves and resting his chin on your bent knee.

You pressed your toes into his outer thigh and wiggled them affectionately.

He pressed his lips to your knee. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

You held eye contact with him, and from the look on his face, you knew he could see the grief on yours. You shared a quiet moment of understanding, aware that he, too, probably often wondered whether or not he’d made the right choice in coming here.

He squeezed the back of your calf, letting you know in his own way that he was here for you. You had half a mind to say ‘fuck the rules’ and plant your lips onto his, but you knew it would be putting a band-aid over a broken arm at best.

Besides, you couldn’t turn Jungkook down and then immediately hook up with Yoongi the next day. Even if Yoongi would be healthier for you, it would make you just as bad as Jungkook, if not worse. And you were tired of self-destruction.

Yoongi stared at your thigh, the grip he had on the back of your calf tightened infinitesimally and you got the sense he was thinking the same thing.

His eyes flicked up to meet yours, and you felt your resolve waver. You had a feeling that even if you did make this mistake, you’d somehow find it in you to forgive yourself.

You shifted the slightest bit closer to him when there was another knock on the door.

Your heart jumped to your throat and you and Yoongi both moved away from one another.

It was just as well. Best not to poke the bear.

“Coming,” you called, tearing your eyes away from Yoongi. You got off the bed to answer, this time forgetting to check the peep hole and just answering. It was Jia.

“Hey,” she said, marching past you and into your room, two bottles of wine and two wine glasses clutched in her hands. She took one look at Yoongi, who was straightening the legs of his dark jeans nervously, and glanced back to you. “I see someone already beat me here.”

“He wanted to see if I was okay.”

She nodded, “Sure.”

You could tell she didn’t quite believe you but chose to hold her tongue. She was right not to. If she hadn’t shown up, you couldn’t honestly say with complete certainty that nothing would have happened.

“So, I was thinking maybe you could use some company to get your mind off things. Anyone up for a drinking game?” she asked.

You looked back at Yoongi and he shrugged. “Why not?”

“Okay,” she said, pouring herself a glass of wine. “It’s like ‘put a finger down’ except it’s ‘take a drink if’. We’ll go around the room. I’ll start.”

She took a drink. You narrowed your eyes. “I thought you weren’t supposed to drink unti—,”

“—Take a drink if you’ve ever fucked on a boat.”

After a few moments without any movement, Jia took a drink.

“When was that?” you asked.

“I had this rich friend in college who liked to have yacht parties,” she said with a shrug and offered no further explanation. “Your turn.” She gestured at Yoongi.

“Okay, uhhhh…,” he said, looking off to a corner of the room. “Let’s see. Put a finger, I mean take a drink if you’ve ever done coke.”

You and Jia both sipped. Yoongi looked at you incredulously. “Once,” you said.

“How was it?” he asked.

You shrugged. “Meh.”

“She’s lying, it’s awesome,” said Jia.

Jia could think that if she wanted. It probably was awesome for her. For you, it just made you paranoid that you were about to have a heart attack and unable to shut your brain off. You were perfectly fine never touching the stuff again.

“Okay, take a drink if…,” you trailed off, trying to think of something. “If you’ve ever flashed anyone in public.”

Both Jia and Yoongi took a sip. You expected this from Jia, but you were surprised by Yoongi’s confession.

“Back when I was in high school. My friends and I were driving around downtown Daegu and I pressed my bare ass against the car window at a traffic stop.”

You snickered.

“Mine was for free drinks at a bar one night during last year’s tour.”

“That sounds like you,” you said. She grinned, holding up her drink in cheers before taking another sip.

“Worked like a charm.”

Yoongi snickered.

“Your turn,” Jia said to you.

You thought for a moment.

“Take a drink if…,” you trailed off, “…if you’ve ever been arrested.”

Jia sipped from her drink. “Shoplifting once when I was eighteen,” she said, with no further explanation.

You continued to go around in a circle, taking drinks here and there for things like getting black-out drunk, hooking up with a stranger, skinny dipping (that one, Yoongi had given on purpose, knowing full well what you and Jia had done in LA).

“Okay, my turn,” you said. “Take a drink if you’ve ever had a threesome, and no that one doesn’t count,” you said, as Jia opened her mouth to speak. She quieted and took a drink.

You weren’t surprised, considering how she and Taehyung had been so casual about it with you. You’d pretty much forgiven her by that point and it was water under the bridge for the most part. At least with her. You and Taehyung still weren’t speaking very much.

You were, however, surprised when Yoongi did the same.

“No way,” you said. He simply nodded.

“What was the dynamic?” Jia asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Was it two girls, or two guys…or three guys?” she asked.

Yoongi scoffed. “It was with two guys.”

“Ooooh,” she said. “Interesting. How was it?”

“It was good,” he said, and left it at that.

“What about you?” you asked, turning to Jia.

“I’ve had several threesomes. Usually with another woman, though I’ve been to the Eiffel Tower on a few occasions, if you know what I mean.”

Yoongi smirked.

“My ex-girlfriend and I used to invite men into the bedroom pretty often, actually.”

“I didn’t know you dated women,” you commented.

“Oh yeah. I actually prefer women, but every once in a while, I’ll have the misfortune of falling for a man.”

Yoongi snorted. “Sorry to hear that.”

“Did your ex also like men?” you asked.

“Yeah. I’m bisexual. She was pan. She liked men a little more than I did. We really enjoyed exploring different aspects of our sexuality together. We didn’t like the idea that we had to close off those sides of ourselves just because we were in a relationship.”

“Did you ever get jealous?” you asked.

“Of course,” she said. “You can’t avoid feeling jealous sometimes. It’s natural. You just have to work on managing those feelings. I wasn’t very good at first. I still sometimes struggle with it, but I’ve gotten a lot better.”

“I get that,” Yoongi chimed in. “I’ve struggled with it in the past.”

“How did you handle it?” she asked.

“I had to work on building trust. Not just with the other person, but with myself.”

“Oh?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “It was way back before I had even joined the group. I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl. Those kinds of things often lead to jealousy, especially because she had a lot of guy friends.

“With something like that, you learn pretty quickly that you can’t control the other person. Trying to just pushes them away.”

You thought back to how you had immediately run to Jimin as soon as Jungkook had exhibited the first sign of jealousy.

“You have to come to terms with your fear of getting hurt. Trust that if they really love you, they’ll do their best not to hurt you, and if they don’t, you have to trust yourself to be able to handle that pain.”

“How did it turn out?” you asked.

“She cheated on me.”

“Are you serious?” Jia asked.

Yoongi shrugged. “I survived,” he said. “I won’t say I didn’t develop some major trust issues for a while after that, but I’ve let it go for the most part. Long distance is really hard. Neither one of us was getting our needs met. Some people can make it work, but we just couldn’t.”

“I’m so sorry,” you said.

“I was mad at her for not communicating how unhappy she was to me at the time, but to be honest, I could tell she wasn’t happy, and I didn’t really do anything about it. I wasn’t happy either. In my own ways, I was selfish. I definitely wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, so it was unfair of me to expect that of her. Sometimes things just don’t work out.”

“Do you ever regret trusting her?” Jia asked.

Yoongi paused to consider the question.

“No,” he said. “Because what’s the alternative? Not trust her and demand to know her whereabouts all the time? Constantly accuse her of stuff? That would have only pushed her away faster and would have made me an even bigger asshole than I already was. I mean yeah, I got hurt. But I’d rather be the one getting hurt than the one needlessly hurting someone else because of my own trust issues.”

You frowned. You could have used that wisdom earlier on. You and Jungkook had both hurt each other because of your own trust issues—more than once. How might things have played out if you both approached it from Yoongi’s perspective? Would you be together?

Unlikely, given your jobs, but it still would have turned out better than what you were dealing with now.

“Okay my turn,” Jia said. “Take a drink if you’ve ever had sex in exchange for something.”

Your stomach dropped. You waited for either Yoongi or Jia move, and when neither of them did, you hesitated.

Did you really want to spill your darkest moments?

It was only fair. Both Yoongi and Jia had volunteered very personal information. After what Yoongi had said about trust, it seemed like the right move.

It was time to tell someone what had happened.

You sucked in a breath and bit the bullet.

You took a drink.

“No way,” Jia gasped.

“Can I ask what happened?” said Yoongi.

You nodded, but paused for a few more moments to consider just how much information you really wanted to divulge.

“I slept with my college professor to get an internship with Son.”

Jia’s mouth fell open. “No way,” she said.

You nodded.

There. It was out in the open. You refrained from going into much detail about it, still not sure if you even wanted to revisit those memories in front of the two of them, but you were glad you had finally said it.

“No offense, but I never would have suspected you to be the type,” Jia said. Yoongi stayed silent.

“Well, I guess I am.”

“Shit. Do you regret it?” she asked.

You shrugged. You didn’t see the point in thinking about whether or not you regretted it. It was in the past. There was nothing you could do to take it back.

The game went on for a few more rounds before Jia yawned. It was nearing two in the morning by that point.

“I’m going to head out,” she said. “I have an early schedule tomorrow. The stylists are all meeting to discuss some changes they want to make to the looks.”

“Thanks for coming over,” you said. “I really needed this.”

She raised her arms above her head in a cat stretch and then gave you a hug. “Don’t worry about it. It’s the least I could do.” Then she turned to Yoongi. “You coming?”

He looked at his glass, which still held a few sips of whiskey.

“You go ahead. I’m going to hang back for a bit,” he said. “Still working on my drink.”

She fixed the two of you with a skeptical glare.

“We’ll behave, I promise,” you assured her.

“Okay. See that you do. I don’t want any more drama in my life right now. No more drunken hookups. No more jealousy. Nothing.”

“Promise,” Yoongi said.

She surveyed you once again before nodding and making her exit.

Yoongi scooted closer to you on the bed. You rested your head on his shoulder, glad for some non-sexual physical intimacy.

“So,” you said. “A threesome? With two men?”

“Indeed,” he said with a small chuckle. “With Jimin, actually.”

“What?” you asked, lifting your head off his shoulder and turning to face him.

He tucked his lips between his teeth and nodded. “He would kill me if he knew I told you though, so don’t say anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” you asked. You were in shock. Jimin and Yoongi in a threesome? You never in a million years would have suspected.

“It never came up. Besides, I’m not one to brag about my sexual exploits unprovoked,” he said.

“How was it?” you asked.

He chuckled to himself for a few moments, amused with how enthralled you seemed.

“It was a long time ago, before we had really made it big in the US. The group was on a month-long break after we’d gotten back from our first tour. Jimin and I had gone out to a nightclub in Busan with a few of our friends.

“There was this this one woman, who I think Jimin had known for a while. They’d fucked a few times before. He knew I was in a bit of a dry spell. I was dealing with some major writer’s block when it came to my music and had been feeling down and out for weeks by that point, so he convinced me to come out.

“She started flirting with me about halfway through the evening. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but in the cab on the way to the next bar, she started making out with me.”

He looked right at you as he spoke.

“Mind you, it had been so long since I’d had any sort of action, so my self-control had gone out the window as soon as she started kissing me.”

“Wow,” you said. “Was this in front of Jimin? Was he upset?”

“I think he was the one who put her up to it, to tell you the truth. Not that she wasn’t already interested. The three of us went back to his hotel room for an after party, but things started heating up once the others had left. We ended up with her sucking me off while Jimin fucked her.”

“Shit,” you said, sounding rather impressed.

Yoongi nodded.

“I thought it would be awkward, but honestly, it kind of brought us closer together. We crossed into new territory that night, and it forced us to have clear and open communication with one another. That’s the only way you can stay good friends after something like that happens. You grow as a person.”

You understood, then, why Yoongi had been so concerned for Jimin’s feelings that night in LA when he had turned you down, and why he was so insistent upon boundaries. You’d learned that lesson for yourself over the last few weeks. At the time, it had made you upset, but you’d developed a newfound respect for the rapper.

“And what about you?” he said.

“What about me?”

“Fucking your professor for an internship?”

You tensed.

“I’m guessing there’s more to that story.”

You nodded, taking a beat to figure out where to start.

“It was back before I had graduated from dance academy,” you began. “I went to this prestigious school on a scholarship—not a full ride, but enough that I could afford it with some loans. I thought I was real hot shit at the time. I’d been a prodigy growing up, and that carried over into my attitude. But when I arrived there, I was…let’s say I was humbled.

“Everyone there was just as good as I was, if not better, and I was under a lot of pressure to prove myself. Especially to my mom. She really disapproved of my career choice. She wanted me to go into something more respectable, like finance. Ever since my dad left her for my old dance teacher, she was really jaded about the whole thing. Called it a whore’s profession.”

“Oh my God,” said Yoongi. You nodded.

“So I was in my final year, and I was really overwhelmed with all the work. I had gotten sick that year and had missed a lot of classes, so I was falling behind and my prospects weren’t looking very promising for when I finished school.

“There was this internship opening up, though. It was with a dance studio in Seoul. I knew it was going to be my only real chance at landing a decent career after graduation, otherwise I’d have to go back to living with my mom while I paid off the rest of my student loans.”

Yoongi intertwined his hand with yours and stroked his thumb over your knuckles. You took a deep, steadying breath. Emotions you’d long repressed started to well up. You shoved them down again, determined to finish your story.

“The internship was through this one professor—Dr. Leung. He was the one who decided who would go. Kind of acted like the studio’s liaison. He was a real asshole. Was constantly tearing people down.

“He was never really terrible to me, though I thought I was lucky to escape his brutality. He wasn’t the most encouraging professor, but I was always quick to defend him when people complained because I saw him as tough but fair. He had really high standards, and rightfully so. He was quite the accomplished choreographer in his day.

“So I signed up for the audition. I practiced for months, even working with an adjunct professor to make sure the routine was really, truly flawless. I danced until my toes bled. And when I auditioned, I executed it perfectly. Not a single mistake.”

“And?” Yoongi asked.

“He tore into me. Ripped me apart. Everything from my song choice, to my form, to my choreography. He even hated the outfit I’d chosen.”

“Seriously,” Yoongi said.

You swallowed back the lump that had grown in your throat and nodded.

“I was devastated. I met with him after class the next day. Asked him what I could have done better. He said that he really liked me as a student, but doubted whether I could make it in the industry if I relied on my talent alone.”

“You’re kidding,” he said. “But you’re an incredible dancer.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I really appreciate that.” You got the sense he was just trying to be nice and supportive in whatever way he could, but you still appreciated the sentiment.

“What happened next?”

“Well, he said that he knew how hard I’d been working, and that he’d be sad to see someone as…,” you had to pause when your stomach churned, “…attractive as me fail.”

“No,” Yoongi whispered.

“He said that there was still a…a chance that I could get the internship if I…,” you paused again as your voice began to wobble. You swallowed hard and pushed it down again.

“Apparently it’s a common thing in the industry. A lot of people use their other…assets to get ahead if they can’t rely on their talent alone. So long as they’re bold enough.”

He stroked your hand again with his thumb.

“It was just the one time,” you said. “The whole thing was over in less than twenty minutes. And I don’t regret it. Lots of people have to sell their bodies far more than I ever did.”

“Did you ever tell anyone?” he asked. “Before now, that is.”

“No,” you said. “But word got out anyway about what I’d done. The entire senior class was pissed at me. Everybody wanted that internship. When my roommate heard, she stopped talking to me until the end of term. Didn’t even say goodbye at graduation. It was probably the loneliest I’d ever felt.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Yoongi. You shrugged.

“It’s in the past. Besides, I went on to get the internship and I met Son, and he helped me get to where I am today. I never looked back.”

“What about now?” he asked. “Do you still think it’s been worth it?”

You squeezed his hands. “I’m not sure anymore. It used to be. It will be again once I get past this tour and can go back to being the regular assistant choreographer.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re here,” he said.

At that, you softened. “Thanks, Yoongi. I’m really glad you’re here too.”

You left it off there. You didn’t want to go into too much detail beyond that. You didn’t even remember much of the actual incident. All you could recall was staring at the maroon walls of his office and waiting for it to be over. You’d had the foresight to get drunk beforehand so that it would be easier to go through with.

Yoongi didn’t stay much longer after that. When he left, he gave you a kiss on the forehead and told you to hang in there. You assured him you would. You’d been in shitty situations before and had made it work. You’d do it again.

That night, you tossed and turned.

You hadn’t thought about what happened with Dr. Leung in a very long time. At least not in that much detail. The fallout from your peers afterwards had almost caused you to drop out of school, but somehow, you had survived.

You felt better after having finally gotten that secret off your chest, but something was still bothering you.

Had it been worth it? Or was it all for nothing?

When you’d first made the decision to go through with the act, you figured you would be happier. You’d proven your mother wrong. You’d secured one of the most prestigious internships offered by your dance academy.

And now, you were working not just for the top K-pop group, but the world’s biggest boy band. Surely that had to count for something, right?

So why did you still feel so hollow? _________________________ A/N: I am aware that this story has reached a pretty dark place. I’m very protective over the mental health of my readers. All of this empathy work is mentally and emotionally taxing, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself while you read this. I’m not going to leave this fic open-ended. I will finish it and I will make sure I handle the ending responsibly so that it was worth the dark places that we’ve visited while reading this story. Right now, the reader is depressed. She’s caught between a rock and a hard place, but she will find her way out of it. She just needs a little more time. Please make sure you aren’t absorbing her emotions and carrying them with you into your day-to-day life. Hold space for her, and then let it go. Don’t become her feelings. It’s easy to do that when you’re left on a low note without any resolution, but the resolution is coming. Hang in there. I’m saying this as much to myself as I am to all of you lol.

#jungkook x reader #bts fic #bts #jeon jungkook #min yoongi #the choreographer #bts fanfic #smut #fluff

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opieghoul · 1 year

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17 Questions for 17 People

Tagged ages ago by @starry-skies-hazy-eyes. Sorry it took me so long! 😅

Nickname: I mean I have a few but the main ones are Opal, Opie, Lex, Lexi, and Alex

Zodiac: Virgo baybee

Height: 5'11 to 6'0 depending on which doctor you ask

Last thing I googled: Tangier. I'm watching Only Lovers Left Alive and that's the city Eve lives in, so I wanted to see which country it's located in

Song stuck in my head: Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode

Number of people you follow: Oh jfc it's been so long, hold on -looks- 1,210 and probably over half of them are dead and abandoned lol

Amount of sleep you get: 6-7 hours on a work day if I don't decide to go full gremlin but now that I work super early mornings again, I've been passing out by like 6pm lmao

Lucky numbers: 7 & 8 because why not?

Dream job: I mean it used to be makeup artistry but Sephora formally dimmed that light for me for the foreseeable future (read: retail is trash), so I'm in limbo on what I wanna do. It would be nice to get into a university and work to become an art teacher though!

What are you currently wearing: Black cotton shorts with white piping and a black tshirt that reads "Thou shalt not try me. -mood 24:7" in that super goth ancient english font

Movies/books that summarize me: Uh, none that I can think of would summarize me but I love movies like Only Lovers Left Alive, Encanto, Memoirs of a Geisha and things like that along with books that fall into the sapphic and/or fantasy category so? I guess gay, nerdy and spooky?

What is your favorite instrument: I can't play any to save my life but electric guitars will always have my heart

Favorite song right now: Ohhhh you can't do this to me! Ok so the few that get played on loop currently would be Enjoy the Silence (Depeche Mode), In My Side (Vision Video Band), Dark Nights (Dorothy), Innocence (Halestorm), Good Girl (Morganne), Now or Never (Meet Me @ The Altar), Labour (Paris Paloma), and My Goodbye (Jorge Rivera-Harris)

Describe your aesthetic: Goth lmao. More specifically some weird combo between witchy goth, pinup/mortcia-esque goth, and goth metal depending on the day. Witchy and casual goth outweigh the others however

Favorite author: I'm just getting back into reading, so I'll have to update you later

Favorite animal noise: The little squeak animals make when they yawn and those little tiny whines when they want your attention

Random fact about myself: I can sing pretty well but I'll absolutely never let anyone but my best friend hear it bc stage fright

I tag: Ok so I don't have a whole 17 people to tag in this, so I'll tag the few I can think of (note: You're literally under zero obligation to do this if you're tagged) and leave it open to anyone else who wants to give it a go, SO- @robotswilcry @jetpackdolphin @silver-sass @ephemeraltea @beautiful-flower22 @needleslace @padawanton @awsome-space-dragon @shynerdywitch @probably-a-mermaid

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itfitsitshipsart · 8 months

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DYNAMITE :: Is there a song that you strongly associate with your ship? Any particular lyrics that resonate with you for your ship?

Answering for Raven of course!~

(Even though I've done this one with him before)

Pulling from my playlist for him, let's talk about... this song. Don't You Dare (Make Me Fall in Love With You)

It's surprisingly fitting with the early longing in the ship, when Raven can't accept his feelings, despite them growing, and he actively tries to avoid his feelings for her. And it focuses on those feelings.

It would be easier to say what parts DON'T resonate, but I'll explain as I can the most important bits XD

"If I fell through your skies, There's no way you would catch me There's a tear in my heart, But your patch wouldn't match me"

As we know about how Raven lost his heart, and in his eyes, his entirety of living. He firmly believed at that time he was nothing more than a puppet. And that wasn't what Evelyn was to be with.

"And I still need reminders of why it's unwise To stare So don't you dare"

Despite denying he feelings, any chance he had... he would stare at her. His eyes would linger, he couldn't help it.

"Don't you dare make me fall in love with you Don't you dare do something so cliché Just get out of my daydreams, You're an unwelcome guest And stop making me miss you 'Cause you leaving's for the best 'Cause I just couldn't stand having you as my crutch You're a simmering stovetop I was tempted to touch If you ever return, it'll burn me too much To bear So don't you dare"

yes, this is an entire verse, this is just a full analysis basically now XD

"Something so cliche" is perhaps an understatement, as they met as him a knight and her the lady he was told to protect. And what started as a job, slowly turned into something he enjoyed. He felt a peacefulness around her, an almost normalcy in life. But a part of him always told him he wasn't to have that.

"Though I know I'm to blame for the glances I'd steal, For the time I kept spending pretending it's real And now that it's ending, I still have more feelings to spare But don't you dare Don't you dare"

This kinda is the same as the other stuff.

#all my heart ❤#This song is really pretty even though it's kinda sad #but I also long angst so... yeah XD #answered asks

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luvpogl-music · 1 year

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[Let us see what the mind can conceive this rainy Nashville eve for those masters of madness that keep us awake during the quiet hours of sleep. Certainly Job has a a story three or four with truths hidden close to keep something fresh on this media of the mundane.]

It was in those early high school years the Job had worked to get his first steed. A quarter horse dressed in gold took him on adventures at his pleasure. And on those long rides under the day and night skies he's find himself in conversation with storytellers he'd meet along the way. As his days were still young he listened close to their tales of spirit enraptured by the care and caution they put into their creative lessons left for all of us. He found himself at times dining with a feast of friends of the highest kind. The threw words and concepts of higher thought into the mix that confuses most, listening and absorbing the words and the stories they spun with a mystical approach focused close to glean what he could from those teachers of love, pain, ourselves and truth.

Marking words in his mind to look them up when he could in hopes of better understanding of what they were trying to tell him. Through those practices of puzzle progression he was exposed to greater men and women of thought, ideas and concepts that transform not just the command of words one could use, but also brought with them a magic to transcend the soul. At times replaying the stories in his mind with new understanding that gave these lessons new meanings and new understandings then those that were introduced when initially spoken to him.

While the concepts of words on the pages he read melded with the medley the poets would sing. A world of possibilities opened up to him, all fostered from a young age in large part because of the care and love the hand of his mother had shown him through all those times she forced him to "tell her what it means" when he didn't understand something he'd read or seen. The discussion she'd pull him aside and offer in private, ones he didn't like but always made him think. Little lessons that often seemed to leave out the other ear, but were stuck deeper than known. That's another benefit of mom's not being able to catch cooties, if you listen and think through the touch of a mother's love, even in your anger you find, some sooner, some later, in life that they are probably one of the wisest people that will ever guide your path.

And during these short years of a boys life, adventuring and living were the focus of Job's life. He was determined to find the answers that kept him in wonder from the time of a child. The times he was younger and had trouble sitting still and it was demanded of him at the cost of physical punishment (not abuse, punishment), like when his mom had pulled out the Family Bible with pages gilded with gold; taken from a box it seemed to command reverence. And while everyone gathered around the table with excitement and surprise, he struggled to understand if it was a book, why was kept in secret instead of out so everyone could read it? After mom had thumbed through to find the photos and baby information she had been looking for, she offered those things to the other kids as they ran off to play. In the safety of the silence he opened his mouth and asked her "what makes this book more important than the rest?". And she smiled and said, "well, it contains everything man knows about life, from the beginning until now".

Flabbergasted by this answer for a boy of not much more than eight or seven he just knew it should have been bigger if that were true. But, when he mentioned it to her, she just laughed and said, "yep, you'd think it would, but it doesn't need to be". Fumbling through the pages and not a child to shy from a challenge Job stopped on a few pages in the book and tried to read them with all the words and skills he'd learned in school, and although it made no sense what he said, he read the few passages pretty good for a kid he thought. But, King James spoke a different language in the 1500's and a lot of the words he used sounded funny and it was clear they talked funny back then, not like the smart kids of today do. And with a smile, mom decided it was time to put the book back, but not before the mystical burning of the spirits of the past placed in his heart. Like his mom told him when he couldn't understand them or other things she would just say "when you are older you will (happy Mother's Day ALL). A statement that he always hated, after all he was already ten how much older did one need to be, as school had taught him the things of this world.

Like most kids in public school today Job got most of his education of the world outside the walls of the safety of home. As with the parents of today, who can't talk to their kids admonishing their thoughts or ridiculing their beliefs guiding their principles, after all kids are seen more as the chance to make a "better them" then become unique adults of their own (another gift of the Jews, given to parents before even the Bible was writ).

And kids find UN-fun nature all too boring of their responsible responses, so at some both sides decide it's best not to talk of private matters. Even more true is this should you have brothers and sisters, aside from not hearing what you want from your parents, it is certain you will have to listen to the ridicule of them, who will certainly call on the fleetest of footed servants of Zeus, we call Rumor today. Carrying these things to extended family and friends and eventually back to school.

Respect for people long having left the lessons of home, no matter how hard mom may have tried., Rumor has left the fund of her damage as something more fun to play then wisdom and truth could bring with them. So most the world is taught on the playground or with friends at sleep overs and such reinforcing to kids when they hear some of the things that are heard; certainly parents don't know anything about life, because they never did or talked about that. The televisions shows and movies only confirming that the kids at school or more right then their parents about life.

But, while everyone kept pointing back and forth at whose fault is whose Job learned young that sometimes its better to sit above the chaos than make yourself a part of it, the storytellers he'd meet offered that, to some extent even giving more pieces of the puzzles he needed in figuring out the bigger pictures of life that still plagued him as a child - like looking up at the cross and seeing an innocent man hang when his eyes were supposed to be hung in prayer, wondering if this is really what Jesus wants from us?

With all these personal issues to resolve it's easy to understand why during those graduation days as all his friends he say go off to college or move on to the bigger things they had been waiting for the exciting day when Seniors unofficially officially become adults. Sur, those around him pushed and encouraged, even making some attempts, but all that time in school, when the results came back his marks confirmed what everyone did expect, his slowness and lack of intelligence was confirmed, he'd be luck to pick up trash. And soon the universities around him sent letters declaring the same seats needed to be saved for those blessed to succeed, he should find something else they said. Tucking them under his bed he just kept on adventuring and exploring the things around him.

And some months after graduation when the fight and fuss of futures died down, Job took a trip in the middle of the day, one he'd never come back from. An exploration that would take him around the world, introduce him to people and places filled with members of the other twelve tribe that those two at the begging of time grew to become. He saw things some should never have to, things that some should never miss, experienced feelings that most will never comprehend, and feelings that everyone should, always remembering it to be just a sampling of what others had been through. Time and travels increasing the voices etched on that tape recorder of life were all born with, only the needle on his seemed to play a direct line to the heart; expressions men and women learn how not to feel.

[And so I believe we shall leave Job with this long winded post tonight, traveling down the road of life. Gathering more pieces to the puzzle of life. Only beginning the solo journey of just how alone everyone is and discovering how much more pain there is in truth than in lies. All the while his heart going filling more and more with love, pushing out the pride of youth that makes us invincible when where young]

#luvpogl #poglwrites #storytelling #love story #Spotify

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

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If I Fell For You (Part 9) - Inner Demons

Summary: The reader meets Gen for the first time while the boys are having a day together. But when they come home early and Jensen overhears the reader, a very big discussion about what they both expect out of their relationship has to happen...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Square: Skinny Dipping

Word Count: 5,100ish

Warnings: mature (language, skinny dipping, implied future smut, angst, self-doubt)

A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @spnkinkbingo

________

“No,” whined Zeppelin as Jensen carried him out of the bedroom for the third time that night. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you.”

“Zeppelin. You gotta be a big boy and go to sleep. It’s midnight and way, way past bedtime,” said Jensen. He started to cry loudly and Jensen set him down. “Do you want a time out? I’ll give you one first thing in the morning if you don’t behave.”

He ran over to you and grabbed your leg, burying his face in it. Jensen sighed, tired after a long day and you knew he needed some sleep. You squatted down and Zeppelin grabbed at you, shaking a bit. You frowned, Jensen catching it as you picked up the little boy.

“He can stay,” you said. Jensen made a face but you carried him into the room, Jensen grumbling to himself. You let Zeppelin crawl into the middle and immediately grab his father when Jensen got under the covers. He was asleep quickly, Jensen kissing the top of his head. “He’s scared.”

“He had a tantrum. He’s four,” whispered Jensen. “He needs to sleep on his own or he gets dependent.”

“You’re his father. He’s already dependent,” you whispered. “He’s a little you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means he missed his daddy and he has been the one telling his sisters for three weeks daddy’s coming home soon. I don’t care if he sleeps in our bed, Jensen. Sometimes he has to be a big boy but not tonight.”

“He was very...he’s very much me,” he said quietly, fixing the blankets over his son. “He’s in tune with other’s emotions.”

“I know,” you said. “He’s a sweet boy.”

“When I was a kid, around seven or so, my dad went out to LA for about two months for work. We didn’t have the money for him to fly back and forth so he drove out there. He would call every night but it was long distance and it was expensive back then so all I got to do was say hi to him really. Somewhere in the middle of the two months he drove back to visit for a weekend. I was so excited. So, so excited. I was gonna tell him all about school and my baseball games and the jumping contest my brother and I had on the swings. I was so pumped. He said he was gonna be there Saturday morning for breakfast. Well, I wake up, run downstairs, he’s not there. Lunch rolls around, he’s not there. Afternoon snack time rolls around…”

“He’s not there?” you asked, Jensen nodding. “What happened?”

“Never left LA. Got in a car accident. He was fine but this was the eighties and my mom didn’t get a phone call until the afternoon saying he wouldn’t be coming home. I thought a hundred million things in my head of why he wasn’t there. That achy pit in your stomach. When he finally came home a month later, I slept in their room, in their bed. That little achy feeling went away after that night. I know how much he’s like me,” he said, lightly running his fingers over Zeppelin’s head. “But I gave him that part of me too and I wish I hadn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s too little to worry about me.”

“He’s okay and he’s not gonna worry after tonight. But Jensen, there’s nothing wrong with him having that part of you. It’s a really good part, the part that loves the people he cares about. Right now he doesn’t understand it but someday he will and that’s going to make him a person people will be fortunate to have in their lives. That’s a great part of you he got.”

“Just have to go and make me feel better, don’t you,” he said softly. He closed his eyes and smiled. “Think I’m doing an okay job at this?”

“Yup,” you said. Zeppelin turned over in his sleep, smashing his face into your arm.

“You care for them,” said Jensen. You nodded and he burrowed down into the sheets. “Because of me or your job?”

“It always helps the job,” you said. “When you nanny, you want the kids to feel comfortable with you and caring about them always makes that easier. But I don’t...I don’t like them because I decided I liked their dad, you know?”

“Why did you then?”

“People with money sometimes let their children get raised by that money and you can tell when it happens. But it’s so obvious that doesn’t happen with them. They have nice toys and clothes and things but they’re good and funny and smart and they could very easily be brats if you went the easy route but you didn’t and it just shows. Sure they’re kids and they can drive anyone to the brink of insanity at times, but they got big hearts, especially for dad. I just like them and seeing them grow into those people more every day.”

“Me too,” he said, Zeppelin rolling back, fisting his hands into Jensen’s shirt this time. He smiled and you leaned over, kissing him goodnight, pecking one on Zeppelin’s head. “Night.”

“Night Jensen.”

The next afternoon when you arrived at Jared’s house you weren’t sure what you were expecting. Jared and Jensen were off doing who knew what and you felt like you’d been set up on a playdate yourself. You’d dropped off the kids there more than once already and knew their kids but for some reason or other you’d yet to meet Gen. You swallowed as you followed the kids around the side of the house, the three of them taking off to go play with their friends on a swing set. You looked around and bit your bottom lip, fixing your bag over your shoulder.

“Y/N?” called a voice. You turned and saw a woman behind you, a bit sweaty in some workout clothes. “Hey. I’m Gen. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Thanks. You too,” you said.

“Come on,” she said, waving you to follow her up some steps to a patio. “Tom! JJ!”

“We know!” they shouted back from the swings. She shook her head and sighed.

“Not that any of the little ones can get over to the pool anyways but I want to remind them to keep an eye on the younger ones when I’m inside,” she said, showing you to a patio door. You followed her inside, Gen walking into a kitchen and going straight to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of cold water.

“They have hair like their dad,” you said.

“Yes, yes they do. Getting them to get a haircut is like herding cats,” she said. She gulped down her water and let out a deep breath. “Do you mind if I shower quick? Time got away from me.”

“Yeah, no problem,” you said.

“There’s a bathroom right around the corner there. Feel free to take whatever from the kitchen if you want. I’ll be back in ten,” she said.

“No problem,” you said. When she was upstairs you went back outside, leaving your bag in a patio chair. You went down the steps and watched the kids running around for a moment before exploring their backyard. “Here I thought your backyard was nice Ackles.”

“Y/N, will you play tag with us?” asked Arrow from over in the grass.

“How could I say no to a face like that?”

Fifteen minutes later you were warm and taking a break under the patio again out of the sun, the kids playing on the slide and swings now.

“Remember when we had endless energy like that?” asked Gen as the back door opened.

“Barely,” you said, a margarita glass set down in front of you. “I see we’re going to be very good friends.”

“It’s so hot out today,” she said, setting a pitcher and another glass down on the table. She poured you a glass and then herself one before taking a seat beside you. “I bet the boys are out jet skiing.”

“They really are like a pair of children when you get them together,” you said.

“Yeah but it’s cute. Most people don’t ever get to have a best friend like that,” she said. “Sometimes they need their space from each other but Jared’s literally been counting down the days until Jensen gets back.”

“I don’t think Jensen will ever stay away that long again. He missed his family and friends. Home,” you said.

“We’re glad to have him back. He’s been gone for a while. Even before you went to Canada,” she said.

“Were you good friends with...” you asked, Gen nodding. “I’m sorry.”

“It sucked. Still does,” she said. “When the boys were off, we could hang out. We got very close. After the accident I was the one taking care of the kids, helping his parents and family with their day to day. Jared focused more on Jensen, helping him physically get back to normal and then mentally. But you know how he was when you met him.”

“I know a lot of work went into helping him get there. I’m very grateful he had you guys,” you said.

“Listen...I’m hoping we can be good friends too. It was different for me and Dee. We both were dating the boys around the same time, got married around the same time. I know we don’t have that and...I just hope we can have that relationship still.”

“Me too. I know we’re probably gonna be seeing you guys a lot now that neither of them are working,” you said.

“Probably most everyday,” she said. “They’re like twins separated at birth or something I swear.”

“Has Jensen always been a bit quiet?” you asked.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen that boy drunk off his ass and being a troublemaker but he’s always been that way. Maybe it’s why he and Jared fit. They’re protective of each other in different ways. Jared’s the loud one out of the two of them, always has been and Jensen, even if he is your best fucking friend, sometimes he’s a little bit quiet.”

“I figured as much. He’s just…”

“Gentle,” she said, a smile coming to your face. “You two are pretty serious, huh.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s been five months. I’d say it’s serious. You move in yet?”

“Technically I’ve always been moved in,” you said. She laughed and took a sip of her drink. “Yeah. We’ve gotten to the sharing a room stage very recently.”

“You must be very special then,” she said. “He was never gonna fall in love ever again. Told Jared and me himself. Now he’s as lovestruck as the first time around.”

“I’m not expecting…” you said, sipping on your drink. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Like I said, we can be friends without the boys,” she said. “What aren’t you expecting?”

“This,” you said with a shrug. “Marriage. Kids of my own. I don’t know where it goes with Jensen.”

“You should start having those talks with him,” she said, your head shaking. “You have to, just so you’re on the same page.”

“I don’t even know if we’re reading the same book,” you said. She nodded and you slumped back into your seat. “I know I love him and that he loves me. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”

“A friend once told me that’s all you need,” said Jensen behind you. You turned around and Jensen was standing there, a sad smile on his face. “We wanted to come hang out with you guys. Y/N?”

You got a smile from Gen as you followed Jensen inside, Jared slipping past and out back. You crossed your arms and looked down, Jensen stepping close to you, large hands resting on your arms.

“Why don’t you think it’s enough?” he asked quietly.

“It is. Gen and I were just shooting the shit,” you said, forcing your gaze up. He slid his hand down and took one of yours, pulling you over to a quiet sitting room. He sat down on a day bed, you going with him.

“Honey. Tell me the truth.” He ran his thumb over the back of your hand as you crossed your legs. “Did I do something?”

“No. You’re perfect,” you said, glancing down to your lap. “All I was saying was...I don’t know where you stand on some things.”

“Like what?” he asked, still smiling softly, hiding all of the nerves underneath it.

“Kids. Marriage. The fact your family has never once met me or knows I exist. Am I just gonna be the nanny girlfriend or is there something more? I love you. I fucking love and I don’t need or want...I just want to know if you’re open to those things.”

“I don’t know,” he said. You nodded and moved your hand back into your lap, Jensen letting go of it. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head. “Like I said, we were shooting the shit.”

You were both quiet before you stood, Jensen grabbing your hand. He pulled you back to sit, plopping you straight down in his lap before kissing you.

“Okay I do know but the answers fucking scare me,” he said. “I said I was gonna stop being scared when it came to you.”

“Jensen, you don’t have to-”

“Yes, I would have more kids if it were with the right person. Preferably sooner than later but yes. Yes, I would marry again. Yes, I would introduce her to my family and yes they do know about her. Not as much as I’d like but they do know her. And lastly yes, I am open to more than just the nanny girlfriend, so much fucking more. All of it more. But that scares me that almost a year later here I am, open to all of those things, wanting those things with you when losing Dee hurt so much. It’s not fair to you that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, simple and normal and just the fun parts. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking you to stop loving her. God if you ever did, I don’t think you’d be the man I love. I just wanted to know if there’s room for a future in there maybe,” you said.

“You kinda got in there all on your own and I don’t want you to ever come out,” he said.

“Ever?” you breathed out. “Cause that implies-”

“If someone’s gonna be that second person for me, I think…” he said, looking down. You rested your forehead against his, Jensen taking a deep breath. “I know you won’t wait for me forever to get my shit together.”

“Well, forever’s a long time. I can offer a few years at least?” you asked, Jensen laughing dryly. “What?”

“I don’t deserve a few years. Your emotions aren’t a toy to play with.”

“Yours aren’t something to drag along when they’re not ready.”

“See? You do that shit. You always do that fucking shit,” he said, his voice a few octaves higher. You wrapped him up in a hug, feeling a few drops of wetness hit your cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“For crying? Jesus Jens, it’s okay,” you said. “I promise it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I keep tossing you around like you don’t have feelings too, like this isn’t hard for you too. It’s always me and my fucking problems with just…”

“Just what honey,” you said, Jensen holding onto you tightly, chin resting on your shoulder.

“I can’t,” he said.

“Why not?” you said, carding your fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want this to go away,” he mumbled out. “This is it and I feel like I’m gonna explode and-”

“Shush,” you said, wrapping your legs around his waist and squeezing his whole body as much as you could. He stilled briefly and calmed down some, sniffling to himself before you released to a gentler hold on him. “Just the anxiety talking.”

“I love you,” he said, lifting his head up, looking you straight on. “I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you and do everything with you. I’ve known those things for a very long time. Longer than you have and before you even thought of them as questions. I want all that and you’re gonna get stuck with me, with this, with the never ending baggage, with the baggage you haven’t even seen yet. All your life is gonna be is taking care of my ass and you getting hurt because of it. Is that what you want? Is it? Because I want so much fucking more for you than me.”

“Was that your proposal speech?” you asked calmly. He blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes.

“What? Y/N I-”

“Well you said you want to marry me and yeah, I fucking want to do that with you too so was that your speech?”

“What?” he asked so innocently you smiled. “I don’t…”

“I happen to like taking care of your ass. So. You want me gone, I’m gone. You want me to stay, I’m staying forever. What’s it gonna be?” you asked.

“Stay,” he said quietly with a nod. “Please don’t go away from us.”

“Okay,” you said. He leaned forward and kissed you, sniffling some more when he broke off. “Are you…”

“I can’t believe I just asked that while I’m covered in tears and snot,” he said. A box of tissues suddenly flung itself through the doorway, landing near your feet. You stared down at it and started to laugh, Jensen chuckling while you picked it up. “I’m never living that down.”

“Who gives a fuck,” you said. You took out a tissue and wiped off his face and eyes, having him blow his nose a few times. “That’s really gross.”

“I know.”

“Must be how you know it’s meant to be,” you said, wiping your hand off.

“Stay forever?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Yeah that sounds good.”

“Me too,” he said. He pulled you into a hug and you held him tight, the door sneakily shutting on the two of you when it started to pour outside and you heard the backdoor. “I bet that’s how you imagined that going.”

“I never thought it would happen,” you said. “Not when I first came here. Love’s for other people. Normal people with normal families.”

“Fuck normal,” he said and you laughed. You picked up a clean tissue and licked it, wiping off a dried tear streak on his cheek. “I feel good.”

“We’re gonna work on that bottling shit up stuff, okay?” you said.

“Maybe you’ll have more success than Dee did,” he chuckled.

“I’ll just have to build off what she started,” you said. He nodded and cupped your cheek as you finished cleaning him off. “There, all better.”

“Guess you’re out of a nanny job,” he said.

“Oh such a shame,” you said. “I’ve been putting my paychecks for the last while to a separate account.”

“I did notice that,” he said. “Saving for something?”

“Wanted to give it back to you.”

“Honeymoon fund instead?”

“Okay, now we’re talking,” you said with a laugh.

“You never did tell me how much your book deal got you.”

“I signed a multi-year deal. They think there’s great potential for it to be one of those series every kid reads. One million for around twenty books?”

“Fuck. You should be my agent if you can negotiate like that,” he said.

“I’m still gonna take care of them like I have been,” you said.

“I know. It’s probably going to be a million times harder now actually,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “You love them.”

“Yes but I don’t know how to be a parent.”

“Just do what you’ve been doing and it’ll be fine,” he said. “It’ll change but it’ll be good.”

“Not really how I was expecting today to go,” you said.

“Me either. I had hoped for that to be a tad more romantic,” he said. You gave him a kiss and hug, Jensen returning it. “You don’t care.”

“Nah,” you said. “Just care about you. Everything else, I’m good.”

“Want to go share the news with our eavesdropper?” he asked. You helped him up to his feet and took his hand, walking out of the room, Jared and Gen suspiciously wiping down their kitchen counter. “Or should I say eavesdroppers.”

“We were concerned and I swear we left after Jared tossed the tissues in,” said Gen. Jared shook his head and pointed at her. “I swear he did it.”

“Guess you guys heard then,” said Jensen, giving you a smile. “We’re gonna give it a shot.”

“You okay?” asked Jared. Jensen nodded and squeezed your hand. “You sure?”

“I know what I want,” said Jensen. “I’ve known for a long time. Finally got over being scared is all.”

“She wasn’t gonna hurt you,” said Jared with a smile.

“I know. It was a different fear,” he said.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said. “Promise.”

“You better not, sweetheart.”

It was dark by the time the storms had passed, all three kids going down easy after spending most of the day running around the Padalecki house. You sat on the balcony off of Jensen’s bedroom in the oversized lounge chair, Jensen sat on the other side of the small side table your drink rested on.

“I’ve never been on a boat before,” you said, staring up at the dark night sky, the only light coming from a few string ones Jensen had turned on.

“Never?” asked Jensen. “Better wear your life jacket tomorrow then.”

“You better wear your life jacket,” you said. “We both know I’m a better swimmer than you.”

“You’re a better swimmer than me? Me?” he chuckled. “No way.”

“Put your money where your mouth is. Five bucks says I’m a better swimmer,” you said. He waved the way towards the door and you stood up, walking downstairs and outside.

“Uh, you missing something?” he chuckled. You smirked and pulled off your shirt and undid your jeans, shimming out of them and leaving them by the patio. “You really think…”

“I really think what?” you said, tossing your bra at him, leaving your underwear behind. You jumped in and swam out to the deep end. “You’re already losing Jensen.”

“Losing my ass,” he said, taking off his shirt and jeans, nearly tripping as he hopped out of his boxer briefs. He jumped in nearby and swam over to you, dunking his head under briefly. “I could get used to this look.”

“Nothing you’ve not seen before.”

“Never seen my fiance naked before,” he grinned. You rolled your eyes but swam over and gave him a kiss. “I knew you had a thing for dorks you know.”

“Did you now?”

“Told me yourself. Not a fan of cocky guys I recall.”

“Well...a little cock is okay. Highly recommended in fact,” you said.

“You are such a loser,” he laughed.

“I must have learned it from you.” You giggled and swam back to the shallow end, Jensen lazily chasing after. “I’ve never skinny dipped until just now actually.”

“Got anything on your bucket list you want to try out?” he asked. You shrugged and took a seat on a step, Jensen settling in next to you. “Naked trounce on the trampoline?”

“Maybe another time,” you said. You leaned back and looked up at the dark sky once more. He reached over and held your hand in the water, playing with it quietly. “Skydiving would be cool. Space would be cool.”

“One of those is a lot more feasible than the other. I noticed up in Canada where we had more stars at night you really like looking at them.”

“Did it a lot as a kid. Kinda always have,” you said. “I like space as much as the next gal but it’s just pretty, you know? You’re one little speck out in all of those stars. It’s all so freaking complex but you can kinda look up at them and it’s just so simple too.”

“Yeah,” he said, toying with a strand of hair floating in the water. “I get that.”

You turned and found him staring at you, a smile on his lips.

“We could go camping sometime, see all the stars there are up there if you’d like,” he said.

“We don’t have to do that,” you said.

“Why?” he asked quietly. “I’m curious is all. It seems like something you’d really enjoy seeing.”

“What purpose does it serve though? It’s not something fun for the kids to experience,” you said. “It’s a waste of money.”

“It doesn’t have to have a purpose. It’s for you, for us. A night away where you get to see something most people don’t ever get a chance. That’s the only purpose,” he said. “Camping’s about the cheapest thing you can do. Don’t worry about the money. You don’t have to worry about that ever again.”

“I just don’t want to go camping,” you said. You looked down and swallowed. “I used to go camping with my dad a lot.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do that to me,” you said. “I just...I don’t think I ever want to go again.”

“Okay. Would you go camping with me sometime?” he asked.

“Jensen-”

“Just me. No body else. I won’t even touch you except to cuddle,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “Thank you. It won’t be scary this time. I promise.”

“Is your dad nice?” you asked. He leaned back against his elbows and nodded. “Does he know about me?”

“My parents know I have a girlfriend. My mom knows I was getting pretty serious about you,” he said.

“Do they know I was the nanny? Or how old I am?”

“No. My siblings do but not my parents,” he said. You sat up and wrapped your arms around yourself in the warm night air. “I’m not embarrassed of you Y/N. I think that’s a conversation better had in person is all.”

“You haven’t told them because you think they’ll have a problem with it,” you said.

“Not as much problem as when I say I’m not having a prenup,” he said. You turned your head and saw him smiling back. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t trust you completely.”

“Jensen I don’t want to cause a problem,” you said. He shook his head and you sighed. “I know how close you are with them and you haven’t gotten to see them since Christmas. I know exactly what they’re gonna think of me when they hear about the former nanny.”

“You don’t seem to understand yet that you? Nobody is more important than you and those three in there. If they can’t accept you then screw ‘em.”

“Jensen.”

“I’m not worried and you know why? I love you and you love me. I know they love me a whole lot too so you’re on the same side.”

“You’re a bad liar,” you said. He sat up and sighed. “Jens-”

“I don’t know how they’ll act. But you deserve a chance and that’s what I expect out of them. I want them to love you too but at a minimum you’ll have their respect.”

You nodded and sunk down in the warm water, Jensen sliding over and taking a seat on your lap, tossing his arms around your shoulders.

“You still talk to Dee’s parents right?” you asked. He nodded and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist. “Do they…”

“No,” he said quietly. “They deserve for that to be an in person conversation too. They’re coming up soon for JJ’s birthday soon. I figured I’d tell them then.”

“I’m glad you still talk to them,” you said. “They still see you guys.”

“Christmas was hard last year. I’m not sure which one of us got it worse,” he said.

“I’d like to meet them if that’s okay.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “I’m not sure how they’ll react honestly.”

“I’d still like to,” you said, stepping out into the water with him, Jensen hanging off of you. “If only you were this light normally I’d carry you around all day.”

“Didn’t we agree a long time ago you were the badass princess after all,” he said, bumping his nose against yours.

“Here I thought you’d be taller,” you teased, quickly kissing him.

“Little shit,” he grinned. He nuzzled your cheek and you let out a deep breath. “Don’t worry about them.”

“At least we don’t have to go through this on my side,” you said.

“Can I ask one thing of you?”

“What?”

“Ray, your mom’s boyfriend, did things end badly between the two of you or you just drift apart? You said you left when you finished high school.”

“I stopped talking to him awhile ago. I moved out at 18 when I got my first nanny job. He was dating his wife Sarah by then. I’d come over for dinner every few months for a few years. By the time I was twenty one they were married with two kids. I didn’t go one time and kept putting it off and Ray told me it was okay if I didn’t want to see him anymore. I could call him if I ever needed him, that sort of thing. I haven’t spoken to him in nine years. But that’s not asking something of me, is it.”

“Can we consider inviting him to the wedding?”

“Been engaged eight hours and already planning?” you asked.

“I don’t know him but he had a part in raising you. Just consider it is all I ask. And wedding? Those things take fucking forever to plan, trust me.”

“I’ll think about it,” you said, spinning him around in the water. “Are they really that complicated to put together?”

“Nah. Don’t go bridezilla on me is all,” he said.

“Total diva over here,” you said, feeling the edge of the shallow end start to drop off with your foot. You spun around one more time before you had to set him down, Jensen taking the chance to pick you up and toss you out of of the water. “Jensen! I’m naked!”

“I know. It’s awesome,” he said, swimming out and kissing your cheek. “Wanna race?”

“Winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser when we head upstairs?” you grinned.

“Oh, you’re so on.”

______

A/N: Read Part 10 here!

#spnkinkbingo #supernatural #spn #jensen x reader #jensen ackles #jensen ackles au #rpf #jensen series #rpf series #jensen ackles x reader #spn fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic

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doublefaceliker2808 · 2 years

Text

Spring Evening's Respite - Adasakura 1

Niki: Sigh… to think the store manager would find us just to go and insist that we “Don’t worry! Please taste-test to your heart’s content!”...

Being forced to stay there until the store closed was the worst… Don’t schools teach you that you don’t eat if you don’t work?

Rinne: My bad~ But well, aintcha working there anyways? It’s only fair if you listen to what the manager says, right~?

Niki: Ughhh… so that’s the excuse you’re using…!? You’re a monster of a customer!

Kohaku: You two, ‘s already late, so stop bickerin’ over nothing. Who knows what kinds of complaints we’re gonna get if we don’t shut up?

HiMERU: It would be irksome to lose sleep over this idiot, so HiMERU will be returning to his room now.

…Oh dear. HiMERU accidentally said what was on his mind without thinking. Apologies, Amagi.

Rinne: Oooh? Has Merumeru come around to voicing his thoughts out now–

Tell me more ♪ Bare your truest feelings to me ♪

HiMERU: What’s with this? You’re creepy.

Rinne: I meaan, if you are capable of showing off your deepest thoughts to me, that means we’ve become real tight knit, yea?

So c’mon, tell me what you really think. Pretty please, HiMERU-chan?

HiMERU: …….. (silently leaves the room)

Niki: He completely ignored you.

Kohaku: Of course he ignored ya. Aren’t ya lucky he’s not completely pissed off?

Rinne-han, you’re gonna mess up soon enough if ya keep teasin’ everyone so much.

Rinne: Right. Sucks but I guess we’re done now that Merumeru’s like that.

It’s time for me to see a new tomorrow and sleep! I gotta wake up for the pachinko parlor’s opening ♪

Niki: Is gambling the only thing that comes out of your mouth~?

Ah well, I can’t say much myself since I’ll be checking out the preopening for this new restaurant in Saison Avenue tomorrow.

I’ll go now. Goodnight, Kohaku-chan ♪

Kohaku: Mmhm. See ya later, Rinne-han and Niki-han.

Off they go. Jeez, you could mistake us for hurricanes with how noisy we are.

Aight. I’ve got a personal job tomorrow, ‘s ‘bout time I head back to my room.

…Hm? No one’s around, but the TV’s been on this whole time? I didn’t notice ‘cause of all the ruckus.

(...I see. Looks like the news is broadcastin’ cherry blossoms right now.)

(They’re bloomin’ early this year… Spring’s right ‘round the corner.)

(Thinkin’ about it, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom last year– back when I was let out of my zashikirou.)

(It’s already been a year since I became an idol. So many things have changed, huh?)

(When I first became a part o’ Crazy:B, I reckoned it’d be best if we retired as soon as possible. And yet, we had a full resurrection during MDM.)

(And then there’s me allyin’ with Madara-han in Double Face.)

(To think my life could be as fulfillin’ as it has been just from this past year.)

(I can’t wait to see what new things the next year has in store–)

(...Aha, it’s a bit too early to get excited.)

Err, where did the remote go… It’s usually around here…

Madara: If you’re talking about the remote control, I’m preetty sure it fell under the table? Here, is this what you’re looking for?

Kohaku: Madara-han? What are you doin’ with all that luggage?

I can guess that yer not on some late-night excursion, but aren’t ya dressed up a bit weird for the dorms?

Madara: Ahaha, is this more interesting than finding the remote?

This is actually skiing equipment. I just came back from some modeling shoots up in the snowy mountains.

I hit it off pretty well with the producer there, you see. So they gave me secondhand skiing gear in hopes of introducing skiing culture to more of the youth, and I just had to take up the offer. ♪

Kohaku: So that’s why I wasn’t seein’ yer face lately.

Honestly, I was quite worried 'cause ya disappeared so suddenly.

I’d figured the ever-so-elusive Madara-han would come back as soon as ya left, but can’t ya try at least try ta check HoldHands?

Madara: Hmhm. “I may be goin’ abroad next month, is there anythin’ scheduled for Double Face in that time?” Well, I’ve checked now!

I mean, Double Face is more akin to a side job for us, so you don’t really need my permission for anything…

There’s nothing planned for Double Face at the moment, so fly to your heart’s content.

That Gatekeeper was an unexpected threat during SS, but he’s already left. We can enjoy some peace, even if it’s only for now.

Because of that, wouldn’t now be the perfect time to also want to stretch your wings?

I’m not one to say, but you should still show some filial piety towards your family while you still can!

Since the Oukawa family’s named after cherry blossoms(1), how about you pay your house a visit when cherry blossoms are in full bloom?

Kohaku: There ya go, talkin’ bout irresponsible things again…

Who do you think you are to lecture me on this with that unfilial mouth, huh?

Madara: Hahaha! I’m the kinda guy who’s telling you to learn from others’ mistakes ♪

Your entire clan’s safe, right? I made sure to check.

I understand that it’s your duty to watch over Tsukasa-san since he’s the head of the family, but I think now’s a good opportunity for you to visit home again.

Since they’ve been broadcasting cherry blossoms on TV lately, you could excuse yourself by saying they made you feel homesick ♪

Kohaku: Cherry blossoms are just fleetin’ flowers that drop dead as quickly as they bloom. They’re nothin’ but creepy to me.

If they’re gonna bloom, can’t they hang on a lil’ better? What’s the point of lettin’ em collect in muddy ditches like dead bodies?

Oh wait, we’ve been talkin’ a while. I gotta wake up early tomorrow, so I’ll be headin’ off.

Goodnight, Madara-han.

Madara: Of course. Goodnight, Kohaku-san.

Madara: ………..

“Cherry blossoms are creepy”, huh. That’s the complete opposite of what I think.

(It feels especially like so lately, but I guess we aren’t compatible after all?)

(From the beginning, our relationship’s always been on a rocky boat— It should be about time for the tides to tip it over. In the end, all I’m doing is entangling you further into the underworld)

(Truth be told, you’re so dazzling when you’re next to Crazy:B that there’s barely any trace of your past. It makes me worry beyond belief)

(I was never able to become a hero after all, huh.)

(Sorry. It’s supposed to be my role to guide you, who knows nothing of the outside world)

(I’d become so desperate to give Kanata-san that flower field that I’d never had the chance) (2)

(At the very least, let me play the role of a villain. I must carry out my role, right?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oukawa in Japanese is 桜河, where the 桜 (ou) also means sakura/cherry blossoms

Reference to Madara’s first !! themed scout story, Myriad of Colors and Flowers. I very heavily recommend reading it if you’re interested in Madara (and his relationship with Kanata + his family)!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From some quick googling "adasakura" seems to be from a buddhist monk’s poem, referring to how cherry blossoms fall very quickly, and is a metaphor for the fleetingness of things.

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sxltedcxramel · 3 years

Text

Lover’s Quarrel

c!techno x gn!reader

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

: ̗̀➛ Summary: You and Technoblade have been friends for decades, always by each other’s side you two faught alongside each other. That was once in a lifetime, and should never happen again. Unfortunately life doesn’t play out that way and you happen to need him one more time... or maybe they’ll be a change in plans?

: ̗̀➛ Word Count: 1515

: ̗̀➛ Chapters: 1/1

: ̗̀➛ Tag(s): No beta reader we die like ghostbur, c!techno, gn!reader, immortal reader x immortal techno, angel!reader, god!techno, angst, friends to enemies to friends, complicated ik

: ̗̀➛ Warnings: slight cursing, mentions of torture and death

: ̗̀➛ Taglist: Here

: ̗̀➛ Link(s): Ao3

: ̗̀➛ Notes: *screams into oblivion* one this is all platonic I didn’t specify 😓 two I barely survived the writers drought (no friken inspiration) but I bring to you my first c!dsmp x reader fic (please be kind I tried-) basically this taks place in really old times and not modern considering how its writter like I just finished reading shakesphere although the idea came while listening to classical music so that it how you will. Also this isn’t edited so my bad if theres mistakes-

The room was dimly lit with candles and the r oaring fire that burned passionately at the fireplace. White tiles were plastered with gold diamonds, the shade almost as if it was antique jewelry, Old but could tell an amazing story. The colour completing the beige-coloured room

You waited patiently, cross-legged glaring at the clock that ticked every second or so. 10 minutes you thought to yourself while you grind your teeth. That man seemed to be early only when it was for his own convenience, how distasteful.

Just as you finished that thought you saw the dark oak wood door being pushed open. A man walks in, he wears a white loosely fitted blouse, with bishop sleeves which was decorated with frilly fabrics. Along with death-black dress pants that were worn up to the waist. His face where his mask usually is is replaced with glasses and the man's delicate bubblegum pink hair is loosely braided and thrown on the right side of his shoulder.

“Your late” you glare crossing your arms

He let out a sigh “Well pardon me for taking a while to get ready, It's almost like you didn’t come here unannounced” he spoke sarcastically.

He walked over to the glass tray and picked up a small glass cup with a gold ring around it and poured himself a drink. He eyes you “Would you care for a drink y/n?”

“I don’t drink”

He shrugs “Suit yourself”

“Technoblade, I didn't come here for idle chatter.”

He arched his eyebrow slightly “Oh?” Techno placed his cup down “Pray do tell, what exactly did you come here for?” You watched him walk to the other side of the room as he said that.

“I-“ you could even finish before being rudely interrupted by a rustling noise. You watched as your patience grew thinner by the minute he took out a black vinyl disc and placed it on a wooden box making sure the oin was adjusted well. A soft tune of the piano came out of the music player.

“Would you care for a dance?” He holds out his hand, you stare at it contemplating whether you should grab his hands, you really shouldn't, you didn’t want to play his games, you wanted what you came for, but then again it would harm a dance. Or course your brain chose the latter considering how you delicately placed your hand in his letting him place his hand on your waist the the other on your shoulder. He lead the way,(just like he always does)

“Apologies for interrupting music helps me think.” He spoke as he spun you around the floor “They calm the voices” . You knew all about the voices, how much they love to chant and clog his brain with different variations of thoughts, perks of being his ex-partner you suppose. But you watched as he hid a smirk, you guess he’s just telling only half the truth. You roll your eyes

“You can finish”

“Wouldn’t you mean start idiot” you snap

“Meh”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance, his inability to ever grasp the mood of the situation was flawless. It seemed as if he never cared about the other person's feelings, unless you were the god of death you were out of luck for a serious conversation. You’ve dealt with that for decades

You could remember once in a lifetime the two of you were partners, fast and precise that's how the job went. The blood god and the angel of destruction are an amazing duo. You remember when the two of you used to watch as people begged on their knees for their life or perhaps a mercy kill. Watching as your foes tried to retreat to their bases only for their pitiful lives to end in such a disgraceful manner. At the end of the day the two of you stood in the battlefield side by side knowing the world could shake in fear knowing you two were alive

And you loved it like that desire to make people fear you brought giddiness to your body and enlightened your world. You wanted one thing and it was to get revenge.

Revenge on all who did you wrong from your youth up, and now you were strong enough to bring it tenfold.

Everything was fine, It wasn’t until one day the two of you had sat down for a cup of tea like you usually did on Thursday evenings. He told you he wanted to retire, he was done with the killings and the torture.

He was finally putting down the title ‘Blood god’

At first you thought it was a joke but then you saw his eyes and they were as serious as he could ever be, anger rose up in you unable to process the statement.

How could he leave you like this, he promised to be by your side when no one else would.

A liar that's would your made him out to be

A slap to the cheek was all you left him that day

Now here you were decades later, hand in hand dancing to the sounds of the instruments harmonizing becoming one just the way you two were.

He spun you around gracefully on the tiled floor, there's something about dancing in an empty room that makes you feel weird inside. What was this feeling? Him making you feel weak in the knees, perhaps it was the fact the last time you did this it was when you two were young and reckless. He always seemed to know how to brighten your life,even to the point the friendship you two had was envied amongst the other gods.

He twirled you across the room dipping you slightly “Cat caught your tongue”

You rolled your eyes “As if”

You saw outside the glass panes, the sky was painted a blood orange mixed with lavender purples and hints of blue. The sun slowly sets,bringing the nightfall.

You chuckle to yourself, how romantic of the sky to show such a sight for people who would die before dating each other.

You turn your gaze to the god “I need you one last time” you say cutting to the chase

Technoblade glared at you “I already told you I’m retired, don’t be so stubborn”

“I’m not, your being selfish putting your needs before anyone else's”

He snorts “Isn’t that what you're doing y/n? Or am I reading the situation wrong?” He says sarcastically “Plus I thought you made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me, or was that slap something you did on impulse and you couldn’t face me after?”

You grind your teeth “It was not, and why are you making it seem like you're the victim? You're the one who wanted to leave me!” You snapped

He took his hands away from you and pinched the bridge of his nose “See, this is why we cannot have a conversation. You always jump to conclusions” he growls

“I do not!”

“You do! I never intended to leave your side, only retiring. Is it so bad I wanted to stop killing and do something better with my life, and here I thought you’d be happy with it.”

You stared at him shocked, “I..”

Was he right? You were known to act on impulse which did cause problems in the long run but he’d be there to be by your side every time. But yet, you couldn’t fathom the thought of him leaving his life behind to start a new one. Why? You weren’t sure.

Techno sighed “You act so tough when actually you're broken inside. The thing is you weren’t mad at me for retirement, you were mad that things were changing. You're scared of change because you don’t know where you’ll fall between it all.”

The piano falls into a soft handsomely rhythm

The violinist quietly drag their bows delicately

You cast your eyes aside, you couldn’t argue with the truth. You swallow hard fighting back the tears. You couldn’t fathom the amount of times you’ve been in the wrong or how much you’ve hurt him

Stupid

Stupidstupidstu-

A hand is placed on you head

“You think too much, stop that”

“I’m sorry”

“For overthinking or for being impulsive” he questions

“Both” you whisper keeping your eyes on the floor

“And?”

You huffed “You were right about everything”

He grinned showing his pearly whites “I’m sorry what was that? I couldn’t hear you?”

You laughed slightly making your worries go away for the time being “You asshole, get your head out of the skies as if I’m repeating that again”

He chuckles shrugging “Worth a try”

“So, let's get something straight. I’ll help you one last time then I’m forcing you to retire. Seriously you have no say so.” He eyes you “You probably need therapy too jeez”

“Fuck You I’m perfectly fine”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night” he responds ushering you out the room

“Bold of you to assume I sleep”

“Bruhh”

Taglist: @ttakinou @angstyx

#caramel writes #c!techno #c!technoblade #c!techo x reader #gn!reader #angel!reader #c!techno x gn!reader #immortal!reader x immortal!techno #blood god techno #dream smp #dsmp #angst #fluff #not beta read #we die like ghostbur

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whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years

Text

In the Backyard Catching Fireflies (Hoodie X F!Reader X Masky)

In the Backyard Catching Fireflies

[Hoodie X F!Reader X Masky]

[Warnings: slight blood]

You honestly could have dreamed you would be in this type of situation if you were looking at this from the lens of last year's Reader. It was a mistake to even make contact with them to begin with.

As a child, your mother would often bring you into the woods to look for fun things: flowers, mushrooms, rocks, sometimes bones or pieces of trees. Other times, she brought you out there to practice her own magick, other days it was just to spend time in nature, and every other time than those reasons was just to spend time with you, her one and only beloved daughter. The correct term would be ‘witch’ but your mother never actually called herself one. Magickal practitioner, maybe, but never a ‘witch.’ You, on the other hand, absolutely took that term with pride.

You being a witch was what accidentally caused you to meet them to begin with. One evening, while out and about in the forest on the edge of town where you looked for fresh violets to eventually make violet syrup for your daughter’s ‘magical creature tea party,’ you found your favorite stretch of woods filled with the scent of blood. How strange, and it didn’t strike you as an animal’s blood. No, this was much stronger, more metallic, and carried the weight of sins past in its wake. As you looked around the forest to see what on earth was causing the terrible scent, you saw two men get spit out in between the trees. They flailed for a moment before getting tossed onto the forest floor, looking so much worse for wear.

“Oh my gods!” You exclaimed in surprise as you began to run over to the two, wondering if they were okay. You drew cautiously near them, only momentarily pausing to grab a large stick from the ground should they pounce when you finally got close enough to see their faces. How peculiar - their faces were covered. The one in the yellow hoodie had a ski-mask with a frown etched onto its surface, and the one in the tan coat was donned with a white mask with feminine features.

Your eyes flicked down to their midsections - that’s where the blood came from. They’re out cold, and you confirm that by trying to get them up. No dice. Against your better judgement, you load them onto your little wagon and bring them back to the car. It wouldn’t be right for you to just… leave them to bleed all over the forest floor.

You entered back into your house around the early evening, tired from trying to drag two grown men much bigger than you into your garage and set them up so you can work on them.

“Mommy?” Your small daughter’s voice piped in as she popped her head through the door leading to the garage where you were. “Who are they?”

“Got hurt,” you replied. “Can you get me the first aid kit?”

Your little girl smiled widely and nodded before she quickly zoomed back into the house. “Make sure to get the lavender and rosemary oil too! Can you do that for me, Magnolia?” You called out.

You heard your little girl running around as if she went back to get something. She eventually came back to the door, her arms full of things she thought you needed and the things you actually needed. “Thank you so much, baby,” you said with a small smile, petting her head as she put the things down on the table for you. “Go upstairs and watch some TV for me, okay? I don’t think I want to overwhelm our guests.”

At the sound of being able to watch more spongebob, she zoomed off and allowed you to get to work.

You mentally asked the two men before you to forgive the intrusion as you lifted their shirts to get at their wounds. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen something like this before. Is that… Are those claw marks? You dab a piece of cloth with some isopropyl alcohol and move to the white masked man and get three of the four lines cleaned when he awoke. His eyes shot open and his hand was gripping painfully tight at your wrist.

“Who the hell are you?” He asked in a panic, struggling to get you off of him in his half awake state. “Where are we?”

“Woah!” You cried out as you attempted to wriggle your hand free from his grasp. “I’m just cleaning you up-”

“Where are we?” He’s rattling off questions so fast and so loud that it wakes the second one up.

Due to you not being able to hold him down as well, he was able to pounce up and pin you to the ground, ready to end your life.

“Agh- stop!” You cried out in shock. “I just wanted to patch you two up!”

The man in the ski mask looked into your eyes for any hint of lying, or deception only to find none. Still, you were a normal person getting involved with two proxies. That in itself warrants death according to their society’s rules - and the Slender Man’s will.

“Wait,” the man in the white mask sighed. “Let her finish this up. You’re bleeding out on the floor.”

On cue at his comrade’s words, Hoodie glanced down to his midsection. He was indeed bleeding out on the garage floor and by extension, you. Realizing he was in no state to even consider inflicting damage, he relented.

An awkward silence quickly built up once you were back working on them. “So… What’re your names?”

“Hoodie.”

“Masky.”

“Interesting names,” you noted as you continued to work. “I’m Reader.”

“Interesting name,” Masky mirrors.

You laugh slightly.

That wasn’t the last you saw of the two men. They left almost immediately after being patched up much to your chagrin, but came back about a week later to properly thank you.

“We noticed some spell books in your garage before we left,” Hoodie began before nodding for Masky to go to the back of the car (they stole). “One of them being florals and it looked like you had some space in the front of your house. So, we brought you some flowers.”

You move your vision from over Hoodie’s shoulder to see Masky holding planters full of flower’s you’ve never even seen before. “Oh my gods,” you said in slight surprise as Masky places the small bushes down in front of their designated spots.

“We can plant them for you - or if you don’t like them we can-”

“No, no! They’re beautiful and the front lawn needs some color,” you beamed, looking at the array of colors dotting your front lawn. “How did… Where did you even find those?”

“We know a guy,” Masky said as he went back to the car to get a shovel.

You ended up going out there to help them plant the flower bushes and spent some more time in their company while you worked.

“So, tell me about yourself,” Masky said as he began to carefully place one of the shrubs into the dirt.

“Too broad,” you teased slightly.

Masky rolled his brown eyes. “You and magick.”

“My mother practiced, now I do,” you replied as you gently scooped back some of the dirt. “Most of it is home related work, but these plants are such a big help.” You took in their sweet scent. Come to think of it, you don’t think you’ve ever seen these types of flowers before anywhere. “What about you two?”

“Travelers, of some sort,” Hoodie piped in. “Never stay in one place for too long.” He glanced over to Masky to continue.

“That’s pretty much it,” Masky whistled slightly. “Used to be film students. Now we just… Go wherever the winds take us.”

From there, you began to hear stories from the two. Mostly little adventures they’d gone to, creepy towns they never wished to visit ever again, people they wished they stayed in contact with and everything and anything in between. It was actually rather nice to talk to other adults - and while they were relatively quiet about their past past, they seemed at ease talking with you about these things.

In return, you told them about other memories and anecdotes in your life. Small memories of climbing up the mountain with your mother, meeting your friends, your academic adventures and what brought you out to this part of the country.

“Wanted to get away from it all, I guess,” you said as the three of you sat on the front porch. “Figured it would be better to start again out here than face everything that had happened back there.”

Hoodie shared a look with Masky for but a moment. You hadn’t gone into detail about what happened back then, but they could somewhat fill in the lines with their experience of the world so far.

They came by plenty of times after that - sometimes together, sometimes not. Most of the time they stayed on your porch with you, chatting away about the day’s events and what would come next. You told them about your job, a teacher’s assistant to middle schoolers, and how you often passed your time. They eventually showed you their faces - and lord were they handsome - and still refused to tell you about their actual work.

“It’s dangerous, that’s all you need to know,” Hoodie had said one night while sipping a beer bottle.

Yet, they seemed to come by even more than usual when they met your darling little girl, Magnolia. Somehow, they’d managed to avoid her and her them throughout all their visits, but one afternoon near the beginning of the school year, that all changed.

She’s only 7, and the school bus often lets her out about a block from your home. You trust her enough to walk there and back (though another part of you wants to hold onto her forever and never let go).

“What time is it?” You hummed, sipping at your iced tea.

“About… 3:30, why?” Masky asked as he looked at his watch.

You immediately perked up. “She should be home soon,” you said eyes wandering from the two men on the steps with you towards the direction you knew your little girl was going to be coming from. And just like clockwork, there she was.

“Mommy!” She cried out, a large smile on her face as she began to run the rest of the way to the front steps.

“Mags!” You giggled as you maneuvered your way through the two men before hurriedly meeting her half way. “There’s my special little girl,” you laughed, taking her into your arms, picking her up and spinning her. “How was your day?” You ask, carrying her in your arms as you make it back to the front porch.

Masky and Hoodie move aside slightly as you sit back down with Magnolia on your lap.

“It was so fun! Today, we talked about bugs!”

“You did?” You asked as she nodded rapidly. “Tell me all about it while I get you something to drink and a snack, okay?” You said as you put her onto the steps before standing and opening the front door - and propping it open so you could still hear her and see her from the kitchen.

“We learned all about butterflies and what happens when they’re babies and become pretty,” Magnolia began to explain. “And then Miss Honey said we were gonna get caterpillar babies in our classroom and release them later. And then, she told us about bees and how bumbly they are-”

You listened to Magnolia go on about her lesson with a small smile as you fixed her some iced tea and apple slices. You could listen to her all day. When you failed to answer one of her questions, you heard Masky picking it back up for you.

“Hey Mommy? Why is the sky blue?”

A beat of silence because you honestly didn’t hear it.

“The atmosphere,” Masky began as he looked up at the perfectly azure sky. “You know what the states of matter are, don’t you?”

Magnolia nodded. “I do! Solid, liquid and gas,” she answered.

Masky smiled back and nodded. “Yeah, that’s it. Atmosphere is air and it covers the whole earth like a blanket,” he explained.

“It does?”

“Absolutely,” Hoodie chimed in.

Magnolia looked in between the two men with stars in her eyes, urging them to continue.

“The atmosphere changes the way that light from the sun reaches us,” Masky continued. “Light comes to us in wavelengths,” he moves his hand up and down like ‘waves’ to show what he means. “And those wavelengths look different depending on what they hit,” he claps his hands together, “and how long they are.”

“Do shorter wave… wavelengths show different colors?” Magnolia asks, clearly enamored in Masky’s teaching.

“Smart girl,” Masky chuckled softly as he ruffled her hair.

You finally come back from the kitchen with Magnolia’s snack and drink, more than pleased to see how well Masky and Hoodie were doing with her. Magnolia was admittedly a shy girl - she never really warmed up to people easily, especially not men given the situation with her father (who you’d rather not think about most days).

“And what about rainbows? Are those wavelengths?”

Both Hoodie and Masky laughed slightly before entertaining your daughter’s question as she sipped on her drink and bit into the apple slices. You watched with a small smile as you listened to the three talk.

After meeting Magnolia, Hoodie and Masky were more often at your house than not. And it carried on like that throughout the school year.

Masky often helped Magnolia with her science and math when you didn’t (feel like it).

“Mhm, and how many do you need to add to 5 in order to make 9?” Masky asked, eyes

glancing between your daughter and her math worksheet.

Magnolia smiled widely, “It’s 4.” She said it so confidently that you felt your heart burst from the living room.

“Good job,” Masky smiled back just as widely. “I’m sure you don’t know what you have to add to 8 to get 15, do you?”

“7!”

“Gods, you are so smart,” Masky chuckled warmly, hand once again ruffling her hair.

Hoodie was much more inclined to help with her reading and language arts skills. Seemed he had a knack for those things over math and science anyways.

“Spell bridge.”

“B-R-I-D-G-E.” Magnolia said with a grin.

Hoodie nodded. “Alright, how about… Believe?”

Magnolia furrowed her eyebrows slightly but gave a stab at it anyways. “B-E-L… I-E-V-E.” I before E, right?

“Good one. And laughter?”

“L-A-U-... F-no… G-H… T-E-R?”

“Nice job!” Hoodie complimente in an excited tone, scooping Magnolia up onto his lap making her burst into a fit of giggles. “You are seriously gonna kick everyone’s butt at the spelling bee on Friday.”

While they grew closer with your little girl, you noticed they had also grown oddly close with you as well. It came in little bouts - sometimes Masky would be cuddling with you on the couch while you watched the late night news. Hoodie would sometimes spend time with you in the garden and help when he didn’t have to - he was there just because he wanted to be with you. There were some days when they’d get you little trinkets, plants and herbs to help with your magick. Masky would even remind you of the full moon so you could put a jug out for moon water - and Hoodie would inform you of when the planets were in retrograde to potentially explain any odd behavior (remember: mundane of magickal.) They were helpful. Other times the three of you would spend the day together and eat brunch and act like your own individual family unit. And in your own unique way, you were - what with Magnolia now referring to the two men as her ‘aunt Hoodie’ and ‘uncle Masky’ much to the former’s original hesitance to accept that title.

It wasn’t just you feeling this way either, it was both of them as well. Masky was surprised to see how fast Hoodie had grown to care about you as Hoodie doesn’t really care about anything anymore. Maybe himself, definitely Masky, and definitely the other two in their group - but that’s it. To care for a human and her child… That’s admittedly out of pocket for him. They’re not sure what exactly to call it, maybe it’s love, but it’s a different kind of love. One that doesn’t have a name.

Ever since they entered your life things have been better. Life has been sweeter. Your little girl is more outgoing than ever and she’s finally coming out of her shell with not one, but two positive male role models.

And that led to now. The sun had finally dipped below the horizon and the stars were coming out to play. Magnolia was about to go on summer break - and the four of you had been planning on visiting the beach sometime soon. There were a lot of things to look forward to (another magical creature plus aunt Hoodie and uncle Masky tea party) being one of those things.

“Careful with the jar, Mags,” Hoodie said as he handed Magnolia a good sized mason jar to her awiting hands.

“I will!” Magnolia said before she zipped outside the backyard.

“Masky, you want anything to drink?” Hoodie called out from the kitchen as you got together the materials for s’mores.

“Lemonade, if we have it,” Masky replied.

“Good choice,” Hoodie mumbled before turning to the fridge.

After the two of you had everything you needed, you and Hoodie went out to the backyard and started to set everything up on the glass table Masky sat at. You settled into your seat as Hoodie got a fire going in the pit and when that was ready, he let it burn and took a seat at the other side of you. With Masky to your right and Hoodie to your left, you felt an odd sense of peace.

“It’s a nice night, yeah?” You hummed out in content as you watched your baby dance around with the fireflies.

“It sure is,” Hoodie agreed, hand lightly resting on top of yours.

“Ditto,” Masky smiled, arm now around your shoulders.

In the grass, Magnolia giggled as she caught fireflies, admiring how beautiful the flashes of green looked as they danced through the swaying leaves of grass.

#masky #hoodie #marble hornets #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #masky x reader #hoodie x reader #mh #reader insert #x reader #masky headcanon #hoodie headcanon #marble hornets x reader #fluff

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redgillan · 4 years

Text

Under Pastel Skies - 10

Sugar daddy!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Modern!AU Bucky doesn’t need anyone, especially not a sugar baby. He isn’t that desperate… but she smiles so sweetly and she’s endearingly awkward, and he’s so lonely. She’s an artist, a painter, the type of person who always puts others before herself. Throwing caution to the wind Bucky offers her a place to live, a place where she can finally paint whatever her heart desires. He doesn’t need much in return; a friend, a muse.

Word Count: 6,179

Warnings: nothing new

A/N: Hey it’s me, daddy! ...well apparently. I really gotta take a chill pill... these chapters are getting way too long. But anyway, I hope you enjoy it, my babies are soft and sensitive :’) Thank you for reading, I truly appreciate it!

Wannabe sugar daddies don’t interact, idc if you have money, eat it and leave me be.

You looked around the bar while you sipped your drink, a 12 dollar grapefruit juice and club soda cocktail. There weren’t many people at one in the afternoon, mostly suits and wealthy tourists, though you half expected to find Natasha hiding in the back with a hat, a large pair of sunglasses and an unfolded newspaper.

From the rug to the chairs and armchairs, everything was either black or white. You ran your index finger over the intricate calligraphy on the back of your chair. It was a number: 5.

Turning back around, you glanced at the clock and mentally cursed yourself for always being so early. You hated being late, and arriving less than ten minutes early counted as late in your book. You were nervous to see Wanda after all this time.

You hadn’t been expecting her to stay at a hotel on the Upper East Side. You wondered how she could afford it, but decided it was none of your business.

“I had a feeling you’d be here already.” That familiar voice brought back fond childhood memories and other not so pleasant memories. “You’re always early.”

You didn’t move a muscle as Wanda took a seat next to you, number 6. She signalled the bartender and ordered a latte. Meanwhile you played with your straw, trying to subtly steal a glance at her.

“What did you do to your hair?” you asked with a grimace, turning your body toward her.

Without looking at you, she raised her brows in mild exasperation. “I dyed it.”

“It’s orange.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I get it. You’re angry with me.”

“Oh,” you drawled out. “I’m well past angry. I was angry four years ago, now I just don’t care anymore.”

“You don’t care about me anymore?”

“No, and it’s not like you cared about me, or Scott, or Okoye.” You paused. “Or mom.”

Wanda had a shocked look on her face as she finally met your eyes. “That’s low. You have no idea-”

“No, you have no idea what it was like to live in that house after you all left. You have absolutely no idea,” you said, enunciating each word between your teeth, “because you weren’t there, because you left us –you left me. Six years, Wanda.”

She looked away and you saw her bottom lip quiver. She clenched her jaw and took a small sip of her latte. You instantly felt bad for snapping at her. You didn’t like confrontation. Hated arguing. You internalized. It was difficult for you to acknowledge that you had a right to express your feelings.

“I, uh,” Wanda said, then cleared her throat. “I knew you weren’t going to welcome me with open arms, and I know what I did was wrong, but I’d like us to be a family again. If it’s not too late.”

“It’s not too late,” you said with a small sigh. “But I’m not going to instantly forgive you just because you’re back.”

“I know.”

“What made you come back?”

She fiddled with her fingers in her lap and you noticed the ring on her fourth finger. It was a beautiful vintage-inspired ring made of black rhodium with an ornate cadenza halo in the centre.

A terrible thought occurred to you, making your stomach twist painfully. You didn’t know her at all. Not anymore. You had missed so much of your sister’s life. Or more accurately; she had cut you out of her life, and it was painful.

“I went to London,” Wanda said, unaware of your inner turmoil. “I saw Uncle Michael. He asked me if I was here to see mom, and I said, ‘No, mom’s in New York.’ And then he told me-” she tilted her head to look at you “-he told me mom was sick, that you and Okoye put her in a nursing home not far from his apartment. I didn’t believe him, so he took me to mom and she-” She paused, staring straight ahead as if she was caught in the memory

“She looked at you like she didn’t know you,” you said, knowing exactly where the story was going because it had happened to you too.

“Yeah,” Wanda breathed out, tears in her eyes. “I never felt so alone. They told her I was her daughter, but she didn’t recognize me. She kept asking Uncle Michael who I was, then she got mad because she was adamant she never had children.”

“I know,” you said sympathetically.

“I wanted to see you and apologize for not being the sister you deserve. For not being here when you needed me most.”

“Where were you all this time?” you asked, practically begged for an answer.

Her shoulders tensed and she straightened up in her seat. “Just travelling.”

“I know, I got your postcards.” You nodded toward the engagement ring on her finger. “I guess I should say congratulations.”

“Mhh,” she said running the pad of her thumb over the diamond. “It’s funny I never thought I’d fall in love and get married. I don’t need a man in my life to make me feel whole. Mom raised us alone, we’re independent and strong.” A small smile graced her lips. “But I found someone sweet and charming, someone who makes me feel safe and calm.”

“Are you writing your vows?”

“Har har,” she deadpanned, rolling her eyes, a faint smile on her lips. You’d missed her, missed your banter. “You haven’t changed.”

“If you say so,” you said in a sombre voice. You looked at the clock above the bar. “Listen, I have to go but I’m happy you found someone. I’d like to meet him one day. I bet he doesn’t know about your Baby Spice phase.”

You jumped off the bar stool and picked up your jacket. Wanda turned in her seat, catching your wrist as you looped your purse over your shoulder.

“Can you stay a little longer?” she asked, looking at you with pleading eyes. “Just a minute.”

“Okay.”

She let go of your wrist. “Scott’s been released last month. I talked to him on the phone and asked him to fly to New York. He should be here tomorrow. I also talked to Okoye, I asked her to come here. We have things to discuss. I know things will never be the same, not after Pietro, not after mom, but we can try. We’re still a family.”

“Great,” you replied. Your word came out with more force than you had intended, but you didn’t apologize. They were all coming back for Wanda but when your mother needed help, you were all alone.

“Yeah,” Wanda whispered, her eyes cast down. “I was thinking we could all meet up for dinner. Okoye’s bringing her boyfriend so if you... if you have a partner-”

“I’m single.”

“Oh, uh, you can bring Natasha if you want.”

“No, thanks.” You reached into your purse and pulled out one of your business cards. “Text me, okay? I really gotta go.”

She smiled as she read your card. “You’re an artist? Splotchy, I’m so proud of you!”

That damn nickname... “I still haven't found a gallery. Not many people want to represent an unknown artist but I’m not giving up.”

“You never give up,” Wanda said with a gentle smile. “That’s why I love you.”

You took a cab to Natasha’s apartment. It had been three weeks since Sam moved to D.C., and Nat was having a hard time finding a job in her field.

She didn’t want to find another sugar daddy. It seemed ridiculous since she was still carrying a massive torch for Sam. She had saved enough money to live on until she could find a job and a new place to live.

“I’m officially done,” she grumbled in lieu of a greeting. “Job hunting sucks. New York sucks. Life sucks.”

“Pretty bold statement.”

You entered the apartment and plopped down next to her on the sofa. With a groan, she wrestled out of her blouse and threw it on the floor, leaving her in a simple white spaghetti-strap shirt and a pair of black trousers.

“I hate wearing a suit.”

“You look good in them.”

“I know,” she cried out. “I hate wearing suits when it’s all for nothing. I’m not the boss, I’m no one. Just another doofus with a college degree standing here like-” she cupped her hands together, as if she was holding a bowl, and looked at you with a pout. “Please, sir, I want some more.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t get the job,” you said, biting back a laugh. “I would hire you for that spot on Oliver Twist impression.”

She laughed. “I think I lost my fire. People used to be scared of me. Remember? I miss that.”

“You’re a psycho,” you snorted, using her shoulder as a pillow. “If it’s any consolation, Bucky’s terrified of you.”

“Good.”

“Hey!”

She pressed her cheek against the top of your head and sighed. You stayed in that position for a few more seconds before you told Natasha what had happened with Wanda. She offered to go with you to your family gathering but you insisted you wanted to go alone.

“I gotta go,” you said. “Bucky’s taking me to dinner.”

“Oh,” she cooed, “is he finally going to propose?”

“That’s very funny,” you deadpanned. “I was starting to feel cooped up in our apartment so we decided to go out. Have fun, y’know.”

“Our apartment,” Natasha repeated with a lopsided smirk before she burst into a fit of giggles.

“Whatever,” you grumbled, embarrassed.

“That’s cute.” She pinched your cheek and you batted her hand away. “You should talk to him.”

“Don’t start.”

“What? I’m just saying-”

“Natasha,” you cut her off. “Stop asking me to talk to him. It’s not going to happen, and it’s giving me so much anxiety. You couldn’t talk to Sam, what makes you think I can talk to Bucky?”

She looked at you for a long moment. “I know you love him.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, considering. You had never really been in love before but falling in love with Bucky had been so easy. And it was particularly scary because you had never been in a relationship, only flings.

“I do,” you admitted quietly. Saying it out loud was both freeing and terrifying.

“Don’t lose him.”

You knew Natasha missed Sam, she’d told you about it, but she wasn’t the kind of woman who let others see her pain. She confided in you and her friend, Clint, but other than that she rarely shared her problems with others.

Her bony shoulder was digging uncomfortably into your cheek so you shifted and let your head rest against her chest. She started playing with your hair. “Have you heard from Sam?”

“Not since he left,” she replied, then glanced down at you. “Have you?”

She tried to sound casual so you played along and acted like you couldn’t hear her heart jackhammering in her chest. “He called the landline the other day. Bucky wasn’t home so I answered.”

“The landline?” Natasha repeated with a scoff. “Your husband is old.”

“He asked if you were okay,” you said, choosing to ignore her comment. “You should call him.”

She stayed quiet for so long, you began to worry. You tilted your head to look at her, she had a faraway look in her eyes. You didn’t want to break her trance but she was starting to scare you.

You booped her chin and almost immediately a soft smile touched her lips. She cleared her throat, then checked her watch.

“You should go, you’re going to be late.”

“It’s okay,” you said. You couldn’t leave, not when she looked so sad. You knew Bucky would understand. “We can order some pizza, binge watch something on Netflix and go out for ice cream later. Like we used to.”

She laughed softly. “That sounds amazing. I kinda want to be alone tonight though, and Bucky’s waiting for you. I’m fine, I promise.” She looked down at you with a kind smile. “Rain check?”

“Absolutely.”

With a heavy heart, you left Natasha and started walking to the restaurant. The clouds above you were low and dark, masking the setting sun. You smiled, remembering the day you and Bucky went to the park.

You had wanted to go paint outside but you got caught in a rainstorm on the way home. As rain poured down on the both of you, you caught Bucky’s hand and tried to run to the nearest subway entrance but he didn’t budge.

He stayed in the middle of the street, still holding your hand, and grinned at you while people rushed around you. His hair was plastered to his head, little rivulets of water running down his nose. He smiled at you, bright and playful, and you almost melted on the spot.

What’s the rush, sweet angel?

When you got home, you both changed into dry clothes and sat in front of the fireplace with a bowl of soup. He looked adorable with his slightly damp hair, a few big curls flopping down onto his forehead. When you started sneezing, he adjusted the blanket around you.

The next day, you felt a little feverish and Bucky took care of you. He pressed his lips to your forehead, checking your temperature. Your mother used to do that too. You doubted the accuracy of that little test but you couldn’t care less. It felt incredibly comforting. They should teach it in med school.

Bucky was waiting for you in front of the restaurant. The weather was warmer now, and you were pleased to see that his maroon bomber jacket was back. It was a rerun of the night you had met him.

“Hey you,” he said, dropping a quick kiss on your cheek. “How did it go with Wanda?”

“Good, I guess. It could have been way worse.” You paused to look at him. “You okay? You look a little nervous. We don’t have to-”

“I’m okay,” he chuckled, smoothing his hand down his jacket, lightly patting his pocket. “Shall we?”

You cocked an eyebrow at him. “Promise me you’re not over-exerting yourself again.”

He stood in front of you, smiling kindly. “I promise.”

It had been a while since he had a panic attack, but they were always impressive and you couldn’t stand the thought of him trapped in his own mind, battling his demons alone.

You must have been silent too long because Bucky cupped the side of your face and said, “Thank you for taking care of me, angel. But I promise you, I’m fine. So what do you say? Wanna have dinner with me?”

You playfully rolled your eyes at him as he flashed you a cocky grin.

The restaurant was a quaint little place in Midtown with curved black leather booths lining the walls and simple cutlery. There were books everywhere, arranged neatly on the shelves along the walls. The place was well-lit, yet still cosy and calm.

Despite the hour, the restaurant wasn’t crowded. There was a couple, probably in their sixties, enjoying their meals together. Several people were eating alone, a book opened next to their plate, and a few others were browsing the shelves looking for something to read.

While you ate, you filled Bucky in on your conversation with Wanda. He didn’t interrupt you, he listened to you ramble on about how much you didn’t want to go to her reunion dinner.

“You can invite them over for dinner,” he said. You almost choked on your food. “Call me crazy but I think you’d feel more at ease if you were in a familiar environment.”

He had a point. You had no idea what that night had in store for you, and you definitely didn’t want to cause a scene in a restaurant. You weren’t one for airing your dirty laundry in public.

“I know that our... um, friendship is a little unconventional but I’d like to meet them.”

“Really? Wait,” you said, spotting a bit of tomato sauce on his chin. “You have something on your chin.” You reached over and used your napkin to wipe it away. “You eat like a wolf.”

“Mhh thanks.” He swallowed his mouthful of pasta and washed it down with a gulp of water. “To be honest with you, I’m a sucker for family reunions. I love watching people’s faces when they see someone they haven’t seen in a very long time.”

“I’m not sure it’ll be a happy one.”

“Well, then you could probably use some moral support,” he said. “And I’m curious if they ever gave you a silly nickname. Or maybe they’ll share some funny anecdotes.”

You stopped mid-bite and swallowed quickly, your eyes widening in fear. You couldn’t let that happen, Scott and Okoye would jump at the chance to tease you. “Oh, no, no, no! You are never meeting them.”

He laughed. “I bet you were a cute kid. I imagine you in some paint-stained overalls, hula hooping through the 90s, listening to the Spice Girls and watching Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl of cereal or a plate of pancakes.”

“You’re not too far off.” You grinned.

“You don’t have to make a decision right now,” he said in a more serious tone. “But think about it, okay?”

Inviting your siblings and their partners over for dinner was a bad idea. You could already picture their faces upon seeing Bucky. It would turn into an interrogation, and it would be absolutely unbearable.

But then again, you didn’t think you could endure the reunion without him.

The waiter came over to collect your dirty plates and asked if there would be anything else. He recited the dessert specialties and you ordered something that sounded both extravagant and mouth-watering.

“I have something for you,” Bucky broke the silence between you.

You responded with a curious yet playful frown and a tilt of your head. He glanced down at the table for a second as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a slim jewellery box.

He placed it on the table next to his glass and let his fingertips linger on the lid, caressing it slowly as he hesitated. Then with a smooth flick of his wrist, he slid the box across the table. Your eyes flickered between the box and Bucky’s worried expression.

Inside the box, nestled in cream velvet, was a gold artist’s palette pendant with a delicate chain. The pendant had two paint brushes sticking out of the palette and four tiny stones representing the colours waiting to be mixed; ruby, sapphire, emerald and topaz.

It was incredibly tiny, about the length of two staples, but it made the details even more impressive. You could tell it was an old piece. There were light signs of wear and the design reminded you of the 1930s. It looked full of stories from previous owners. A testimony of love, passion and devotion.

“Oh,” you gasped as if all the air had been punched out of you. Bucky straightened up and jerked forward in his seat, his eyes round with anticipation. “Oh,” you repeated dumbly, at a loss for words.

“I saw it in the window of an antique shop on the way here,” he said.

That was a lie.

He had spent weeks searching for the perfect charm. He had a very specific idea of what he wanted to buy. Until one day, he found it. It reminded him of you; delicate, discreet, irreplaceable.

“Bucky,” you sighed, spellbound. “It’s... it’s beautiful.”

“It reminded me of you.” He met your eyes, smiled, and extended his hand in your direction. “Can I?”

Without hesitation you removed the necklace from its box and gave it to Bucky. After living with him for about six months, you knew there was nothing he couldn’t do. Even fasten your necklace with one hand.

He stood up and rounded the table, sitting next to you on the booth. You turned, giving him your back as he slipped the necklace around your neck. You held the pendant in the little dip between your collarbones at the base of your throat and let the ends of the chain dangle down your back.

“I noticed you haven’t been painting a lot since-” Bucky trailed off. Since you had a meltdown in your studio, since you realized your art was not good enough. Since you realized your dreams were too big to accomplish.

You looked over your shoulder and watched him fumble with the spring ring clasp. You couldn’t see what he was doing but he seemed entirely focused on the task at hand.

“Inspiration is a fickle thing, it comes and goes,” he continued. “I worry about you. You put too much pressure on yourself visiting galleries and trying to match their vision. I want you to remember who you are. You’re an artist. Never doubt yourself or your skills.”

He secured the chain around your neck and adjusted the necklace so that the little palette fell nicely above the neckline of your sweater. You stared at him wide eyed and amazed, and he smiled tenderly at you.

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “I’ll never take it off.”

“My pleasure, angel.”

“I really love it but it’s too much,” you said as he returned to his seat. “I don’t want you to think I’m after your money. I’m so grateful for your help, you do so much for me already.”

“I know you’re not after my money, but it’s mine and I’ll spend it as I please. I know you like gifts with meaning. And all I want is to make you happy.”

“You want to make me happy?” you asked, dumbfounded.

“Of course, I do.”

It was a foreign concept to you, you could hardly comprehend it. He wasn’t your childhood best friend, he wasn’t your brother or your mother’s brother, and yet he wanted to be the one who put a smile on your face.

You weren’t used to random acts of kindness. You spent most of your life taking care of others, making sure they had everything they needed, you forgot what it was like to feel loved.

And it all became so much clearer.

You knew in your heart that your feelings for Bucky weren’t one sided. Not when he looked at you like that. Not when he touched you like you were the most precious thing in the world.

There was a mutual, yet silent, understanding between you. This is good. Let’s not make things complicated. Even though we both want to. And you abided by that unspoken rule, not wanting to make things more complicated.

Your eyes were overflowing with tears. When a tear escaped, you felt it bounce on your cheekbone before it landed near your pendant. You rolled your eyes at yourself and smiled.

“Why am I always crying?” you said, laughing a little. “I’m not sad, I swear. These are happy tears.” Bucky’s smile was calm and sure. “Wait, I’m just gonna-” you trailed off, wiping the back of your hand under your nose with an embarrassed laugh.

“You’re beautiful.”

You lay in bed that night, replaying those three words in your head until you fell asleep.

It took you a couple of days to come to term with the realization that your feelings weren’t one sided. A little voice in your head tried to protect your heart, it said: Don’t get your hopes up. Remember what happened last time.

But that voice was quiet, almost too quiet to hear.

Against your better judgement, you agreed to invite your siblings over for dinner. All you had to do was call Wanda’s hotel and ask the hotel staff to pass along a message. Easy-peasy.

Well, in theory, because it turned out to be stressed depressed lemon zest.

There were things Bucky didn’t know about you and your family, things that you had intentionally kept from him. One of these things was your brother’s criminal record.

Bucky had asked you a few times what Scott did for a living and you always gave him the same rehearsed answer. “Scott has a master’s degree in electrical engineering but he’s between jobs at the moment.” It wasn’t a total lie but it wasn’t the whole truth either.

You finally decided to tell him everything.

Scott was a thief. Before Cassie was born, and thanks to his computer skills, he used to steal from criminals and give back to those they had stolen from. He promised his wife, Maggie, that he would stop after Cassie’s birth.

He took up a job at VistaCorp but noticed that the company was overcharging their customers. Thinking that it was a coding error, he fixed it before his boss, Geoff Zorick, ordered him to change it back. It made him realize that the company was intentionally overcharging their customers.

He was fired soon after. Maggie begged him not to get involved, she begged him to think of his family but Scott didn’t listen. He broke into the company’s headquarters, hacked their system and redistributed the stolen money. Then he broke into Zorick’s house, stole a bunch of stuff and drove Zorick’s car into the pool.

He got five years.

Bucky was a little shocked but he took these new revelations well.

“People make mistakes,” he said. “He paid for his mistake, and not seeing his little girl for five years is punishment enough.” He bumped his shoulder against yours and grinned. “He sounds like a chaotic Robin Hood. I can’t wait to meet him.”

You chuckled. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Nope.”

“So... you’re not going to hide your valuables in a closet somewhere?”

“I would but I’m not sure you’d like to be stuck in the closet all night.” You rolled your eyes and huffed, thinking he wasn’t taking you seriously. He laughed quietly. “The only valuable thing I own is the bookmark my niece made for me, everything else is meaningless. And I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes.”

“You sound like Natasha,” you chuckled lowly. “But I’m glad you think that way.”

“That being said, they have a lot of apologizing and making up to do. They left you all alone. It isn’t right.”

You squirmed in your seat. “Argh, I don’t know. It’s in the past now, I don’t want to dwell on it. We were all miserable back then, and I’m not exactly blameless here.”

Bucky gave you a puzzled look. “You took care of your mom when she was sick, you sold your childhood home. You found your mom a nursing home where she gets the best treatment possible. You put your dreams on hold to pay her hospital bills. You did everything you could.”

“No, that’s not true,” you replied, biting your bottom lip.

You tried to find the courage to say it out loud. It was something that ate away at your soul. Your biggest mistake.

“I should have known something was wrong with her,” you said, rushing the words out. “At first she started misplacing things like her car keys, her glasses or the remote. She always had a good excuse, like was tired or stressed, but I should have known.”

“I misplace my keys all the time, angel. Sometimes it doesn’t mean anything. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“She’s my mom, I’ve known her all my life. I should have noticed something was wrong. If I had, maybe she’d still be with us, living in our old house.”

“C’mere,” he said, extending his arm toward you. You didn’t hesitate, you abandoned your seat on the sofa and wrapped your arms around him, your face buried in his chest. “I understand why you feel that way,” he said, stroking your hair. “But you did everything you could. You didn’t fail her. Alzheimer is... well it’s a sneaky disease. There are a lot of things we don’t understand. It’s unfair to blame yourself for something completely out of your control.”

“Maybe,” you mumbled, your voice muffled against his shirt. “But it still hurts.”

“I know,” he cooed, his fingernails grazing your scalp. “I know, my angel.”

You stayed like that for some time, your cheek pressed against his shirt. You focused on the calm rhythm of his breathing and tried to match it. He gently ran his fingers up and down your back, calming you almost instantly.

You were terrified to see your siblings again. Despite Bucky’s reassuring words, a part of you still believed that you could have done more to help your mom, and you were afraid your siblings would feel the same.

“It’s going to be okay,” Bucky said, seemingly reading your thoughts. “I won’t let them belittle your efforts.”

The next day, you called Wanda’s hotel and left a message with the receptionist. Wanda called you back a few hours later, saying that she would love to have dinner at your place instead of going out.

She sounded surprised, and you could tell she had a lot of questions, but she knew she wasn’t in your good graces yet so she simply told you that she couldn’t wait to see your apartment and spend the evening with you.

Meanwhile Bucky was having some sort of nervous breakdown.

A few days before the party, he started to obsessively clean his apartment. Every single room had that distinctive lemony scent, his homemade disinfectant, except your room. It was still a line he refused to cross no matter how strong the urge might be.

He often had those spells but they usually didn’t last more than a few hours. You could see the tears in his eyes and the disgust on his face; grimaces that had been triggered by the realization that he still couldn’t control his need to constantly clean and tidy. His OCD had been dormant, not gone.

You knew it was hard for him to meet new people. He had offered to invite your siblings because he knew it would make you feel more at ease. He didn’t care about his own needs. This man was willing to endure anything for you. How could you not fall in love with him?

You let him clean. You knew from past experience that it wasn’t something he could control and getting involved usually did more harm than good. You made sure he knew you were there and that you were not judging him in any way.

He felt so physically and emotionally drained afterwards that you simply held him in your arms until he fell asleep.

On the day of the party, you were chopping dried apricots in the kitchen while Bucky was making sure the chicken pieces weren’t sticking to the bottom of the pan.

You had wanted to order dinner from the restaurant down the street, and Bucky wanted to cook. You told him that cooking a meal for seven people was pretty stressful but he simply shrugged.

“I can do it, angel.”

“I know but you don’t have to do it.”

“Yeah, I do,” he replied with a sad smile.

You remembered him telling you that his ex-girlfriend often babied him in front of her friends and that it always made him feel weak and pathetic. He wanted to prove himself. He wanted to prove that, even with only one arm, he was able to cook a meal for an entire family.

“Okay, fine,” you reluctantly agreed. “But you’re not doing this alone.” He opened his mouth to protest but you raised your hand and touched a finger to his lips. “You can’t change my mind. I’ll be your sous-chef, and that’s final.”

So you ended up cutting vegetables for him. He made two tagines, one with meat and one with vegetables, in case anyone had any allergies or dietary restrictions.

Once the kitchen was spotless, you both went to your rooms to get ready for the night. It didn’t take you long so you checked on the tagines and waited for Bucky. The smell of harissa and coriander wrapped around you like a comforting hug.

You stole a dinner roll and checked the time on your phone. Nearly seven. A wave of anxiety rolled through the pit of your stomach. You took a deep, calming breath and decided to go check on Bucky.

As you reached the top of the stairs, you heard a deep, frustrated groan followed by a whine. Stifling a giggle, you tiptoed down the hallway towards his bathroom.

“C’mon, stay put or I’ll cut you!”

“Do you often threaten your hair?” you asked, leaning against the door frame. He gasped and jerked away from the sink. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Is everything okay?”

“I can’t do anything with my hair,” he complained. “I’m this close to shave the whole damn thing.”

You pushed yourself off the door frame and moved toward him. “Mhh, why not. A buzz-cut would make you look super dangerous.”

“You think so?” he frowned.

“Yeah,” you replied enthusiastically as you perched yourself on the counter by the sink. “A buzz-cut and a beard. Now that’s a look.”

He ran his hand over the dark stubble on his cheeks. “I already have the beard.”

“You’re halfway there.” You watched him consider what you were offering. “You know what, never mind. Your hair is too pretty to cut.”

“I should cut it though. It’s getting too long, I can’t style it.”

“Oh, poor you with your thick, fluffy hair,” you teased.

“It’s a gift, and also a curse,” he sighed with a whimsical grimace.

You laughed. “Come here, I’ll help you tame the monster on your head.”

He chuckled as he stepped between your parted legs. You took the hair dryer and a comb from the counter and started working on his hair. Despite its messy appearance, the comb ran smoothly through the strands.

“I think we need a safe word tonight,” you said while you worked.

“A safe word?” he repeated, confused. “Why would we need one?”

“Just in case,” you replied with a shrug. “I love my siblings but they can be quite a handful. So if you’re tired or if you feel overwhelmed, you just say the word and I’ll politely ask them to leave.”

“All right. Same goes for you.” He made a face. “What’s the safe word?”

“I don’t know,” you said, your eyes focused on his hair. “Flamingo?” You pulled back to look at him. “I saw an amazing documentary about baby flamingos the other day. See? It works.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, laughing. “Flamingo it is.”

You picked up his hair gel and applied some to his hair.

“There you go,” you said, smoothing the hair over his temples before sliding your fingers down the sculpted curve of his cheekbones. “Ready to break some hearts.”

It was a joke, but your voice came out breathy and small. Bucky didn’t say a word. He pressed himself closer to you, and you resisted the urge to wrap your legs around him.

He rested his hand on your thigh, then slid it from your thigh to your waist and lingered there for a few seconds. He gazed into your eyes for a moment; careful, cautious. You cupped his face between your hands, feeling the bristle on his cheeks against your palms. It was rough against your sensitive skin.

He slid his hand up your side, fingers passing over your ribs, and you let out a gasping sigh as he rested his hand over your heart.

“Did I break your heart, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice low.

“Just cracked.”

He cupped the back of your neck and massaged lightly while he looked at you longingly. He continued to stare at you as you moved your hands to his chest, feeling the strong thud of his heart beneath your palm.

“I-uh,” he started, then licked his lips. “Angel, I-”

The intercom buzzed loudly, awakening the two of you from your trance. Bucky took a step back and closed his eyes. You were glad you were sitting, because your legs felt unusually weak.

“You ready?” he asked, breathless.

You didn’t trust yourself to speak, so you nodded.

You followed Bucky to the kitchen and answered the intercom, giving Wanda the apartment number. Bucky busied himself setting the table, unable to look you in the eye. You didn’t know what to say.

Finally, he stopped moving around and faced you.

“Who am I tonight? Who do you want me to be?”

You had anticipated his question. After all it was a legitimate question to ask giving the nature of your relationship.

“Just you,” you told him. You were tired of lies and half-truths.

A knock at the door startled you.

You opened the door, your hands shaking uncontrollably. You couldn’t help but gasp at the sight of Wanda, Okoye and Scott standing in front of you, each with a bottle of wine. There were two men behind them, both looking extremely uncomfortable.

“Hey Splotchy, long time no see, right?”

Part 11

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagines #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #marvel imagine #redgillan #redgillanwrites

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caravelmp3 · 3 years

Text

FEAR AND LOATHING IN DOMESTICATION

pairing: josh kiszka x reader warning(s): mentions of alcohol, references to sex, depression, & anxiety synopsis: in better terms, josh kiszka is a rolling stone, and when the pandemic causes the band to settle down for an undisclosed amount of time, reader helps josh come out of his slump note: title & reference to that one interview. you know the one. as someone with a fear of domestication as well, i related so hard to josh when he talked about settling down, and this came out of that. it’s just a lil something !! also posted on ao3 if you would like to check it out there instead. hope you all enjoy !! x

Josh was a vagabond, a nomad, living a peripatetic lifestyle of hopping from city to city overnight by bus or jet, bouncing between venues and interviews as if he was born to do so. Staying in three-star motel rooms in the middle of nowhere became a part of his lifestyle, one that he became quite adjusted to after three years on the go. Even while visiting home he was between family and friend houses, checking in on old stomping grounds, visiting studios hours away, anything to stay busy. In the clearest sense of terms, he was a rolling stone.

So, as everyone imagined it would happen, he began to lose his sense of self in 2020. One second the band were planning the release of an album, preparing to hit the road and play stadiums in South America with Metallica in the spring, and then the next they were hit with the news of cancellations and push-backs to everything they had been working towards. With the rise of a pandemic they were forced into a hiatus and into the first real break any of them had received, if they didn’t count the few days visiting home last holiday season.

He and the rest of the band hunkered down in Nashville and Josh started to live in his worst fear - domesticity. He was waking up at the same time every day in the same city, he was living the same life day after day, and it became old very quickly. While catching up on rest and exploring a new city was fun at first, it started to look like every other city before long. The adventure he would wake up to with excitement was no longer around. He had been forced to settle down, and he felt like a trapped animal trying to gnaw its own leg off.

And like the rest of the band and the management team, you hated seeing him that way.

The relationship between you and Josh was short, but you knew Josh for years, and you noticed the differences in his personality immediately once you followed him to Nashville following the shut down of your own job.

You once swung by the studio with a surprise lunch for the boys and the team and he was struggling to write lyrics on a notepad in the other room, surrounded by crumpled and balled sheets of paper. He would stay up later at night scrolling through airline websites for flights out of Nashville to random cities (as long as he was traveling, he told himself), and he shifted through hobbies to find anything that stuck (which eventually was reading and painting) (there was a corner of the living room filled with stacks of books and canvas paintings).

And you tried your best, even when times were hard on you, too. In order to boost Josh’s spirits and get his mind off the persistent idea that he was stuck in time, you attempted baking new treats and made him try them after dinner, you dabbled in bartending and made new drinks with tequila, set up painting dates in the backyard after work, bought books from second-hand stores you thought he would enjoy, and bought new and random vinyl for the nights spent in during summer storms.

But the bright blue, cloudless summer skies and warm breezes rustling the trees of summer became the red of maples and the bronze of oaks of autumn. Everyone hoped things would be different, maybe even just slightly, but nothing had changed at all. The band was still in Nashville, making the best of their time off to expand the album and the universe it was set in, and you were back to working, but only remotely, so Josh insisted you stayed with them instead of traveling back home at seemingly the height of the worst so far.

When the long, hot days turned into cooler mornings and long nights with the sun setting at five p.m., the effect of the year had finally hit everyone. Everyone was tired, they felt defeated.

So in one last desperate attempt to boost spirits and morale, everyone set off on their own adventure and escaped Nashville in the early days of December. Danny was going to Los Angeles, Sam was going skiing in Montana, and you knew that Josh and Jake needed their own trip. So after a few phone calls and exchanged emails over a week, you booked a trip for the twins and their family in Key West. It was something small - a rented RV for the dreaded sixteen-hour drive south, but what awaited them was a week in a rented beach house and days on a boat in the Gulf.

You booked it for everyone, you wanted the boys and their family to let loose and spend some time together before work drove them away again, but you weren’t going to lie and say you didn’t book it with Josh in mind. He was a fan of the beach and islands, history, and the water and sun and sand, and after months hunched over a studio coffee table writing and working endlessly on the album design, he deserved time to himself, to recover, to recoup.

You told him before bed on Thanksgiving day. The Kiszka family had come down from Michigan to celebrate the holiday, and they did with dinner and a fire in the pit in the backyard with music and plaid blankets and smores under the stars. After staying up talking to his mom, Josh had come to bed last with the lingering scent of fire smoke in his hair and Corona on his breath, and he met you under the covers, nestling his face in the crook of your neck before pressing a soft kiss against your skin while wishing you goodnight.

Humming, you rolled over and rolled into him. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around you, and that’s when you, in a sleep-deprived state, began to rattle off all of your plans,

“Tell your parents to stay for another week.” You said, eyes still closed, half-asleep.

Josh paused. “Why?” It wasn’t something he was opposed to, but it caught him by surprise.

“I booked a trip for the rest of us. While Danny and Sam are gone.” You laid your head on his shoulder, pressing a gentle kiss to his chest. “We leave for Key West in four days.”

And the shot of adrenaline that ran through Josh was something he hadn’t felt in quite a long time. The last time he got excited about going anywhere was to a new record shop that opened up a few streets over from the house. He quickly sat up in the bed, looking down at you (now laying sideways) in the dark with a smile.

“You’re fucking joking,”

You laughed and reached out for his hand. “Not at all,” you said bringing his hand up to kiss the palm, “I’m going to pick up an RV in a couple of days, and we can surprise your parents and take them shopping for clothes and everything else we need.”

Out of what seemed like a rush of euphoria, Josh threw himself on top of you, peppering your face with kisses and you laughed at the show of affection and at the tickle of the growing mustache he managed to grow (and pull off). You turned your head, holding his cheeks, and kissed him.

“Now, come on, let’s get some sleep.”

“Well that’s unlikely - now I’m going to lay here and think about all the dumb shit we can do.” He said, sliding under the covers and sliding an arm around you.

You just laughed and nestled your cheek against his chest, listening in to the quiet shuffling in the hallway outside the door of everyone going to bed, to the ticking sound of the clock on the wall, and then to Josh’s voice,

“Do you think they have pirate themed dinner cruises?”

“If they do, I’m sure you’ll find out about it.”

And he did.

(There wasn’t one.)

But you found so much more than you two ever dreamed of. Trading dreary Nashville for a bright and warm island, you welcomed the hot breeze and sun-kissed skin.

And even though there wasn’t a pirate themed dinner cruise, you watched Josh come alive in a new environment. You strolled hand-in-hand with him through the butterfly and nature conservatory, letting him rave about the multicolored birds and point at flowers he thought you would like while capturing them on film. On Duval Street he pulled you to get caricature portraits done, he ordered shots for everyone in the bar after a night spent swimming. He roamed Dry Tortugas National Park with Jake, admiring the view and history within the brick fort walls, and first thing one morning he pulled you out of bed to get breakfast and visit the Ernest Hemingway Home, so you sat with him on a bench in the morning light and drank coffee and pet the roaming cats that passed by.

The last night on the island you woke up naked without Josh beside you, and you turned to see him sitting on the balcony with the white sheer curtains billowing around him, writing in the journal he always kept on his person. A smile tugged on the corners of your lips.

Josh was falling in love with life again.

And you were falling in love with life again, too, because Josh was so passionate about living it.

#josh kiszka imagine #josh kiszka one shot #josh kiszka drabble #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet one shot #gvf imagine #gvf drabble #josh kiszka

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amphxtrite · 3 years

Text

harry potter x fem!reader

warnings: ⚠️tw⚠️ suicide, substance abuse, blood, suicidal thoughts, alcohol, depression, anxiety, breakdowns, kissing, overall pure angst with a fluffy ending.

currently unedited please excuse grammatical mistakes

summary: A summer changes the girl harry potter fell in love with, leaving her with more pain than she’d ever admit.

a/n: there are many things in here that may be triggering, please consider the warnings before reading.

word count: 6k (writing this really helped get my feelings out)

taglist: @oldschoolkiddo

please message me to be added to my taglist

enjoy <3

__________________________________________

Rushing down the Hogwarts halls, bags slung over your shoulder and sun shining through the windows, you scour the crowds of students leaving Hogwarts for summer vacation, trying to pick a familiar brunette with green eyes.

Rounding the corner, you spot three gryffindors chatting by a stone pillar and run towards them, crashing into one of the boy’s backs.

“Guess who?” You giggle, feeling Harry’s chest vibrate as he chuckles.

“Hm, I don’t know, is it Hagrid?” He teases, running his chin as Hermione grins. “Nope.” You laugh, popping the ‘p’

“Is it Dumbledore?” Harry tries again, placing his hand over yours and stroking his thumb over your fingers. “Afraid not lightning.”

“Well then, perhaps is it y/n?” Harry turns, wrapping you in his arms as you laugh and hug him back.

“Are you guys ready for summer?” You ask, glancing around at Hermione and Ron before glancing back at Harry.

They all bore similar expressions, small smiles with a ‘maybe’ face. You roll your eyes.

“Don’t tell me you’re off to save the world over summer too.” You sigh, releasing yourself from Harry’s arms and walking to Ron to give him a hug.

“We won’t get in too much trouble.” Ron chuckles, patting you on the back and letting you walk over to Hermione.

“We just never know at this point.” She shrugs, squeezing you tightly.

“Well I’ll meet you guys on the train!” You smile.

The ride back to your platform was as it always was, the trees whipped by and swayed. The sky was lined with puffy white clouds. The snack trolley passed and you bought yourself a chocolate frog and some ‘every flavour’ beans to share with your mom when you got home, a tradition as they were her favourite, and because she needed a little happiness with you off at school and your father gone.

Sitting back and sighing. The golden trio finally arrived at your cabin and told you about their summer plans. Hermione was travelling, Ron was staying home and Harry was staying with the Dursley’s until he could ‘find a reason to escape to the Weasley’s’ as he put it.

The train arrives at your stop and you grab your bags to leave.

“Write to me if you can, all of you, and I’ll see you next year.” You smile, walking back over to Harry and planting a quick kiss to his cheek, ruffling Ron’s hair and kissing Hermione’s forehead.

“Bye y/n!” Ron and Hermione chime.

“Bye thunder!” Harry calls as you turn again and wave. “Bye lightning, bye guys!” You smile, rushing off to the train.

“So you finally told her?” Ron chuckles, patting Harry on the back.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks furrowing his eyebrows.

“We know you like her mate, and she just kissed you on the cheek!” Ron continues.

“W-Well maybe I do fancy her, but she gave Mione a kiss too!” Harry stammers, his face going as red as his uniform.

“That was platonic Harry, we can tell she likes you, lightning.” Hermione teases using your nickname for him.

“Listen, I don’t want to jump to conclusions and creep y/n out. She’s an amazing friend and I’d like it to stay that way.” Harry smiles, looking off into the distance to see you still walking away.

“Even if she does like you back?” Ron questions.

“Well you don’t know if she does.” Harry sighs, rolling his eyes.

Your eyes scan the station for your mother, swiveling your head back and forth to find her but only seeing other families being reunited with their children.

Pursing your lips you sigh and wait for a moment. Hoping and praying that this year would be different, and your mother would come running to you with open arms. Seconds fade to minutes, and soon the station is almost empty as excited parents rush home to hear about Hogwarts adventures.

You pull your luggage behind you as you walk to the front of the station and hail a muggle cab, leaning your head against the cool window as the pink skies shine above you, the driver makes no move for conversation, so your drive is silent, and when you finally reach your old house, you hand the man driving the rest of your muggle allowance and nod him goodbye.

Your house was looking as quiet and calm as you had left it.

The flowers you had planted last summer had wilted, the porch sat empty and the stairs still creaked as you approached the door. Home.

You smile as you turn your key in the lock and push open the door, setting your bags on the floor as you set out, candy in hand in search of your mother. The kitchen sat empty with only the soft hum of the refrigerator suggesting someone still lived here. The living room was empty, the old leather couch seemed to be collecting dust and the tv looked like an ancient artifact with the cobwebs strung on the sides. As you ascend the stairs to the second floor, you notice the blinds to every window suspiciously closed. Odd, your mother usually enjoyed watching the sunset.

The floorboards beneath you give high pitched creaks as you walk across the hallways, something you had always despised, especially as a child trying to sneak sweets in the early hours.

Pushing open your mothers bedroom, your eyebrows furrow as her bed laid neatly made, with not a thing out of place. The usual mess of pill bottles and plastic bottles had been cleaned, the pile of clothes had disappeared and she was still nowhere to be found. A sense of dread bubbles in the pit of your stomach as you push on, checking her closet and even your own room for your mom, but nothing.

You turn around with a plan to head to town and see if she was visiting the pharmacy for her pills again, or maybe the grocery store, heck, maybe she had stopped at the corner store for cigarettes again. You turn to shrug on a jacket and leave, but as you reach for the front door knob again, your head snaps up and your blood runs cold.

“No, no, no. Please no.” You repeat to yourself, running up the stairs with tears in your eyes and you approach the one room you had yet to check. The one place your head told you she was, but your heart refused to believe. There was no way it could be true. She’d be opening the door right now, the sound of keys clattering on the table in the kitchen would alert you she was there. She’d say, “I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up, work was awful today.” And she’d proceed to pull out her groceries so you could prepare your favourite meal together, after dinner you would sit on the couch and you’d tell her all about your school girl crush on Harry Potter and she’d tease you as she popped a jelly bean into her mouth and give you the best motherly advice you could ask for. You pause at the closed door and pause, waiting for the door to open, waiting for the sound of footsteps, even the sound of breathing, anything.

You’re met with silence, and in the exact two hundred and sixteen seconds you stood outside the bathroom door, tears began to cloud your vision as you finally opened the door, counting another ten seconds before opening your eyes.

The first thing you saw was your mother, eyes closed and face unusually pale as she lay in the bathtub, and for a moment, you almost convinced yourself she had fallen asleep.

That is until your eyes trailed down her body, and where the water turned red. You drop the jellybeans and everything goes blurry.

“No…” You whimper incredulously, not realizing you had fallen to your knees until the pain in your legs registered and your eyes flooded. Her skin was littered with scars, ones she obtained from her job, harmless ones that healed with time. Beside them were what you cried for. Large, angry gashes that covered her wrists and stole the life from her.

Your face contorts into a hateful cry as you scream, pain flooding your entire being as the metallic sting of blood floods your nose and you gag.

Words seem to blur together, a mixture of ‘why’ and ‘come back, please.’ Seemed to be the only ones that came out coherently as you collapse and slam your fists repeatedly against the floor.

“Mommy, why did you do this? Why did you leave me?” You sob softly, hesitantly touching her face, ice cold to the touch, a quick check of her pulse showed she was gone, but you could tell from the colour still draining from her face that this was recent. Another choked sob escapes your lips as you turn away from her and spot something sitting on the bathroom sink. A letter.

You scramble to grab it and tear it open.

Y/n, if you’re reading this, you’ve gotten home safely and seen me by now. Please know this isn’t your fault love, I just couldn’t bear this anymore. You know that ever since your father left I’ve struggled, you were the only reason I still wanted to stay alive baby, but it’s too much. Everyday I wake up and I have no reason to stay. I was fired not too long ago, lost all my friends to my absence, and lost everything.

Please forgive me. I love you so much, angel, and I’m so so proud of you, I’m resting now baby. I’m finally free.

The paper starts to crinkle as your hands tighten to fists, your tears spill like rivers down your face and your breathing grows rapid as your head falls into your hands.

“P-Please don’t go… You’re all I have, I-I can’t lose you.” You sob, pushing her hair back against her forehead in the soothing manner she had always done for you.

“Please, please, please. I can’t lose you mom… I-I still haven’t told you about this boy at school, t-the test I aced in potions even though professor Snape hates me, all the house points I got, mom there's still so much I have to tell you…” You sniffle, pressing a kiss to her head as you sit back on your heels and push the tears from your eyes to no avail.

“I got your-your every flavoured beans mom, I was hoping we could share them as I told you, maybe I would get an earwax one and you would laugh.” You stutter as the tears flood your eyes again. “I miss your laugh so much mom, please, can I hear it one more time.” You beg, refusing to move from your spot on the floor next to your mother, holding her head in your arms as you begged and prayed for her to come back, going as far as to try and perform magic to heal her wounds and bring her back.

But even magic couldn’t bring her back, and she’d want more for you than to be expelled for uselessly trying to save her.

Eventually the metallic scent became more than you could bear, you pushed yourself away, swallowing your sobs and closing the door behind you. You had no clue what you were going to do with her, but that would be a problem you’d face another day. Your breathing began to race, your heart pounded a million miles a second and the overwhelming feeling of being trapped settled around you, squeezing you into a box you could not escape from, pushing from all sides until you were clawing at yourself to escape your imagined prison.

It was too much. You run down the hallway to your mother’s room and collapse in front of her cabinet, trembling as you tug open the bottom drawer and grab a small cylindrical container with her name on it.

You knew this was a terrible idea, these were strong muggle painkillers meant to help a grown adult, not a teen.

But the looming dread was too much to ignore, too much to bear, too much to even think about. Your mother’s lifeless body flashed through your head, painfully embedding itself into every inch of your memory until it burned.

You pour an unknown amount into your hand and throw them into your mouth, swallowing them dry and collapsing onto the floor in a fit of anger at your actions and pain. Pain so blinding it swallowed your rage, filling your entire being with a convulsing sadness, and as the meds began to kick in, an artificial peace.

New sunlight shines through the closed blinds onto your closed eyes and you finally stir, sitting upright holding your head in your hands, clueless for a moment what you were doing on the floor. Scanning the room, the burning memory hits you like a punch to the face and you freeze, resisting the urge to empty whatever sat in your stomach onto the floor.

“What am i going to do?” You murmur to yourself, glancing around helplessly for something, someone to hold on too, but alas, you sit alone, clutching a pill bottle in your hands.

You eventually snapped to your senses, called a muggle ambulance to help you get your mother out of the tub and before you knew it, you were standing in a flowerless field as two workers lowered your mother into the ground. They offered you condolences and convincing frowns, but to them this was just another job. One more person laid to rest, no care to know what tragic story was buried in the heart of the one person standing at the funeral.

They left without a word you stood at the headstone, engraving the image into your mind.

‘m/n l/n, finally at peace.’

You convinced yourself reading those carved words would have your feelings set in stone. She was at peace now, finally free from her suffering. But it wasn’t that simple, how could it be?

The last family you had ever known was gone, ripped from your arms and held so far above you, there was no possible way you could reach her.

You trudged back home with a permanent feeling of dread looming over you, again your heart begged to have the pain lifted, even for a moment, just to feel alright. And there was only one way you could think of.

“This always helped take the edge off her…” You murmur, digging through your mother’s drawer again to find an untouched box of cigarettes sitting at the bottom.

“This will help…” You convince yourself, taking the box and standing again, slowly trudging out the front door and sitting on the front porch.

“Everything’s gonna be okay.” You murmur lifting a cigarette to your lips and lighting it like you’d seen your mother do many times before.

Inhaling deeply, you barely flinch as the smooth taste of smoke coats your throat. You exhale as you look up into the sky and sigh, it was going to be a long summer.

It almost became an immediate response for stress to pull a cigarette from your pocket and stick it in your mouth, you didn’t particularly enjoy it, but in a twisted way, the smell reminded you of your mother, and you clutched onto anything that reminded you of her.

When you didn’t have cigarettes you turned to alcohol, your mother hadn’t been much of a drinker, but gifts of different drinks were common when her friends came over were common, and they sat untouched in a cabinet in the basement.

The taste of many of them were bitter, but if you drank enough the taste simply didn’t matter and the buzz took over.

Letters from your friends slowly piled on your window as owls came and went as you threw back fire whiskey and stared into space talking to yourself and shooing away the owls who stared at you strangely before flapping away.

When you weren’t at home you went into the small town nearby and bought anything advertised to take the pain away, no one seemed to pay you any mind, many seemed to be going through it as well, to caught up in their own realities to give a shit about a girl buying sleep medication and painkillers, no matter how strong.

You dove deeper into your pain, taking something every night to lull away the nightmares and ignore the pain. Drinking and smoking in the day to cover the tears and help you forget for a couple hours.

Some days were better than others, when you could just sit outside and enjoy the fresh summer air, but others your anxiety caged you up and you did anything to escape.

One late August afternoon a snowy white owl lands beside you on your front porch as you twiddle your thumbs and hum softly.

It drops the letter directly onto your lap and waits staring up at you expectantly as if asking you to open the envelope and read it to them.

“Alright, I get the message.” You yawn, sitting up and ripping the paper off the top of the letter and pulling a piece of parchment into your hand.

You clear your throat and begin, “dear y/n..

I hope you’re doing well, you haven’t responded to any of my letters yet and I’ve been very worried, Ron and Hermione have told me you haven’t been answering them either and we’re all hoping you’re safe. School’s starting up again and I’m looking forward to seeing you, take care.

Harry Potter.”

The owl looks at you again, and you wondered if it actually thought you were going to respond.

“Sorry pal, I’m not writing anything back. Here, for your troubles.” You nod, placing three knuts in front of the bird. The snowy owl looked down at the money oddly before ruffling his feathers and flying away, leaving you alone once again.

“Harry.” You sigh, sipping on a glass of water. You had completely forgotten you had promised to write to your friends over the summer, almost forgotten your life completely as you tried to focus on keeping yourself alive.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” You sigh, setting down your cup and resting your head against your knees.

Summer blew by much faster once you realized how close the first day back really was, but there you were standing in the empty street hailing a cab to travel back to your station.

You pull your sweater closer to you as your leg shakes furiously and your breathing grows rapidly blowing through every possible bad scenario that crosses your mind. The disappointed faces of your old friends, laughter, teasing, each thought clouds your thoughts. A cold sweat breaks out and you can almost feel yourself slipping when a voice pulls you out.

“Um, miss? We’re here.” The cab driver says, glancing back at you worried.

“O-Oh, thank you.” You clear your throat, handing him his payment and stepping out of the car and grabbing your suitcase.

Taking a deep breath you wipe the sweat from your forehead and walk to the magical platform, bracing yourself as always before stepping through the brick border.

Loud and bustling, you quietly walk towards the Hogwarts Express, but instead of walking to your usual compartment where you knew the golden trio would be sitting you strode all the way down to the back of the train and sat in an empty seat.

Glancing around, you make sure the coast is clear before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, instantly feeling a rush of relief as you take a deep breath in and out.

You watched as the trees disappeared behind the window and the sky shone above, but it didn’t feel right. You didn’t get the usual rush of excitement and joy, in fact you almost felt worse the closer you got to Hogwarts. You close the blinds hurriedly and sit back in your seat.

“No I-I’m sure I saw her come this way.” A voice calls out not too far from you.

“Harry, We’ve been down this way three times already!”

Harry.

“Fuck.” You whisper, pulling the hood of your sweater over your head and keeping your eyes trained on the floor.

“Mate we gotta get changed into our uniforms, we’ll see her at the feast.” Ron sighs, probably pulling Harry away as their voices fade away and you’re left alone again.

You curse yourself for hiding. Why were you hiding from the people you loved? What were you so afraid of?

The answer lay plain as day, no matter how hard you tried to ignore it.

You were afraid of them seeing you like this. Broken down, exhausted, and with a cigarette sticking past your lip.

That did remind you, your uniform.

Covering the compartment windows with your jacket, you quickly swap your hoodie for your collared shirt and a tie. Running a brush through your hair you menatlly prepare yourself to re-enter your life, a life that no longer seemed like yours. Stepping off the Hogwarts express, it felt like you were seeing your past life, a flash of familiarity you no longer knew, a warmth you could recognize that was no longer for you.

You recoil softly at the shiver running down your spine, but push forwards, walking along surrounded by the sea of students.

Reaching where the carriages usually were, you look up expecting the usual strangeness of being pulled by an invisible force, but stumble backwards at the sight of a dark, nightmarish horse standing before you.

It’s eyes seemed to narrow, glaring daggers at you that seemed to pierce your very soul. You quickly climb into a carriage with some random students and stare out the windows the entire ride.

Their quiet chatter is drowned out by your thoughts, coming up with a way to avoid the golden trio at all cost seemed to be a top priority, followed by the need to down some firewhisky to get your mind off everything.

You kept repeating to yourself everything would be okay, just make it up the stairs, around the pillars, dodge anyone that seemed to be walking in your direction and hurry up to your dormitory. Collapsing into the bed that was now called yours you sigh and bunch the blankets into your fists and breathe properly for the first time since you left your house. Your roommates had yet to show and you were grateful for the alone time. Your hands finally stopped shaking, your sweat finally stopped and your breathing evened. You finally work up the strength to unzip your suitcase and pull the small container of firewhiskey you had brought out of your bag. You unscrew it and take a small sip, allowing the burning liquid to slowly take your edge off and calm you down. You sat for a moment nursing the bottle against your lips, contemplating whether or not it would be smart to go down to the great hall for the feast. You were starving and needed food, but you couldn’t face anyone in this state. Glancing at your faint reflection on the window you swallow at the unfamiliarity of the person staring back at you. Where had the happy girl you once were gone? And who was the stranger you were looking at? Your summer had been restless and difficult, of course. But had it really been enough to shake you to the point you didn’t recognize yourself?

What a stupid question. You almost laugh to yourself, tilting your head back again and drinking a little more. Drinking was supposed to take your mind off your situation, not have you overthink even more.

After a while of sitting and glaring out the window you finally pick yourself up, tuck away your firewhiskey and straighten your uniform. You make your way down towards the great hall, walking slowly down the halls you used to run through. Staring in boredom at the carvings and paintings on the wall you used to admire with awe. Keeping your mouth shut when you used to laugh down these corridors.

Finally reaching the great hall the sorting ceremony was still in full swing, playing as a distraction while you slipped to your table.

You sit and nod hello to the students surrounding you, giving them empty excuses on why you were late, and half-heartedly listening to their stories.

Your only thought at the moment was to eat and keep your head down, become invisible if you must.

Harry glances around the great hall anxiously looking for your face. He had barely touched his food, hardly clapped at the new students being sorted into their houses, barely talked to Hermione and Ron as they watched Harry worriedly.

Harry had only one thought on his mind, find you. See if you were alright, hug you in his arms and tell you he missed you, ask you about your summer and ask you to Hogsmeade like he was too afraid to last year. He had so much planned, all he was missing was you.

Just as Ron opens his mouth to tell Harry to quit for a moment and just eat, he catches sight of familiar h/c hair. Longer than he remembered, but no doubtebly yours. Standing in a hurry Harry runs off leaving Ron and Hermione confused, glancing over to see where the brunette had run off to.

Your head snaps up as you hear footsteps approach you and just in time you see Harry running towards you. His green eyes were alight in joy. His tousled brown hair was shorter and he looked older, more mature. Your heart drops as you frantically try and hide your face. He couldn’t see you like this, what on earth would he think?

“Y/n, there you are I’ve been looking for you!”

Bloody hell, his voice had gotten deeper too. Still holding that boyish grin that you loved so much.

“Y/n? A-Are you okay?”

Go away. You pleaded in your head, refusing to look up into the green eyes you’d fallen for.

Harry refuses to give up and attempts to reach out and take your hand.

His skin makes contact with yours and you flinch away, finally giving in and removing your hands from your face.

“What do you want?” You snap unintentionally, cringing inwardly at what you had just done.

“I-I just wanted to say hi-- are you alright?-” Harry asks furrowing his eyebrows, was that firewhiskey he smelled on your breath?

“I’m fine, could you please leave me alone?” Your voice is softly this time, but still with a cold edge.

Harry’s eyes blink in confusion, as he glances around and open and closes his mouth like a fish out of water. This was not the reunion he was expecting, heck this didn’t seem like you at all. Regardless, he nods and slowly walks away, looking back every now and again to see you holding your head in your hands and eventually standing and leaving in a huff, were those tears he saw streaming down your eyes?

“Did you find her mate?” Ron asks as Harry takes a seat.

“Yeah-yeah. Listen, something's wrong.” Harry states, explaining the confrontation he had with you. Slowly the two other gryffindors expressions fade to concern as well.

“And you’re sure it was firewhiskey?” Hermione questions, pursing her lips.

“I’m afraid so, I-I don’t know what to do.” Harry sighs defeated.

“Give her some time, perhaps she just had a bad day?” Ron suggests.

“Sounds more like a horrible summer.” Hermione sighs, worried for her friend.

“I’m gonna go look for her, I don’t want her alone at a time like now.” Harry nods, not waiting for his friend’s reactions before running off to find you.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” You curse yourself, unsure where you were running too. You simply follow your feets as you angrily wipe tears from your eyes and cry in the empty hallways. As you run the image of Harry’s shocked face plays over and over again in your head, taunting you, trying to prove to you what kind of person you had become. Your feet lead you down another corridor and before you know it you’re climbing up a flight of stairs and fighting for breath while digging your fingers into your hands to keep yourself from sobbing to loudly. You had let him down. You had let everyone you love down, you let your mother down, you let yourself down. Maybe if you had spent more time at home your mother would have found a reason to stay, if you just didn’t go to the magic school and stayed with her she’d be alive and there to guide you. You miss her so much everyday. You collapse onto the cool ground of what must have been the astronomy tower you glance down at your hands and realize you’ve been squeezing too tight and hot blood is beginning to flow down your palm. You gag as the sight brings you back to the beginning of the summer. The start of your hell. Instinctively you pull a cigarette from your pocket and bring it to your lips, lighting it and before you know what you’re doing, walking to the edge of the tower.

There wasn’t anything left for you here. Your mother was gone, you had successfully avoided your friends and the person you loved had seen you for who you truly were. You were ready, and you couldn’t think of any place you’d rather go then your favourite place at Hogwarts.

The place you’d spent so many nights gazing at the stars. The place you’d realized you had fallen in love, looking into the green eyes of Harry Potter while watching the planets shine above you and the stars twinkle.

Harry, the person you were so excited to tell your mother about. The boy who made you smile and laugh every day you were with him. You would miss him. Miss his smile, his tousled hair you loved to play with, miss his voice.

As you take one final drag from your cigarette, your feet just over the edge, you look up towards the sky. You see the moon shining, the trees swaying in the distance, nature in all it’s peace, calling to you.

A feeling like your mother’s arms wraps around you, and for a moment you can see her, feel her. “I’m coming mom, we’ll be together soon.”

Taking a step forward you look down at the ground, almost smiling softly before looking back up at the sky, where you’d join your mom and--

“Y/n!” A pair of real arms wrap around you and pull you away from the edge. Squeezing you against their chest and sobbing into your hair.

Why were they crying? Why weren’t you with your mother yet…?

“Y/n what are you doing?”

Harry. You realize, and as he raises his head and you come eye to eye, you see his eyes clouding with hot tears behind his glasses. You lift your hand and wipe them.

“Why are you crying?” You ask, dropping your hand again and realizing you had accidentally smeared blood on his face.

“I-I could have lost you! What were you doing so close to the edge?” Harry asks, pleading for answers as he holds you close against him.

“Isn’t it obvious?” You smile as though he had just asked the silliest thing.

“There’s nothing left here for me. My mother’s gone, she killed herself when I got home for summer. My dad left us when I was just a baby. I’ve managed to get Ron and Hermione to stop worrying and you’ll never like me back.” You sigh, looking down at your hands and reaching into your pocket again.

“What? Y/n, I-I’m so sorry.” Harry murmurs, placing his forehead against yours as you raise a cigarette to your lips.

“S’ alright.”

Harry’s eyes widen and he slaps the cigarette from your lips.

“You’re drinking and smoking?” He shouts.

“I’ve got painkillers and sleep medication too, anything that’ll get my mind off things.” You shrug, struggling in Harry’s arms as you try and escape.

“Y/n, these things are going to kill you!”

“Good! Maybe I want to die Harry! Maybe I can’t take being alone anymore, and maybe I know these things will kill me so I use them. I want to see her again Harry! I want to not be alone, I want to erase everything I saw, I want to be me again.” You cry, lifting your hands to your face and using your bloody hands to wipe your tears away.

“But I can’t! I still go back to smoking, drinking, using pills to take the pain away and I still. Can’t. Forget!” You continue, bawling into Harry’s shoulder as he holds you.

“I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore.” You shriek, trying again to escape Harry’s grip, but he refuses to let go.

“Darling look at me.”

You don’t stop.

“Please Y/n, just look at me.” Hary pleads again.

When you don’t stop this time, he finally gives in and leans towards you. Ignoring the blood, tears and taste of smoke, to press his lips to yours.

You freeze and Harry keeps himself there. Waiting for your breathing to even out and your heartbeat to stop racing.

Your eyes close and you pause as Harry finally pulls away and takes your face into his hands.

“Y/n, you mother wouldn’t have wanted her daughter to go like this. She would’ve wanted you to be happy and live the life she never had. Darling, from the way you’d always talk about her I know she loves you very much, she doesn’t want you to die.” Harry murmurs pressing a kiss to your eyes and nose.

“Ron and Hermione were worried about you y/n, they just respect your privacy and didn’t want to intrude.” He continues drying you tears with his thumb and peppering kisses down your cheeks.

“They love and care for you so much love. They don’t want you to die.”

Harry pauses for a moment and lifts your lips to his, this time deepening the kiss and moving your lips in sync with his.

“And I… I’m in love with you y/n. I wish I’d had the guts to tell you sooner but I was always too nervous.”

“But look at me now Harry. I’m a mess. I-I’m not the same person.” You murmur, trying to avoid his intense gaze.

“Y/n nothing could ever change the fact I love you. You lost your mother, you can’t expect yourself to just be alright.” Harry sighs.

“I still get nightmares about my parents, I see them collapse and have the life drained from them in mere moments.”

“Y/n after everything, you’re my light. You’re what keeps me motivated everyday to keep going. And I’m not going to let my light die if I could have stopped it.”

You pause and choke back a sob as you glance up into Harry’s eyes and once again melt into the soft green.

“I’m here for you darling, always and forever, whenever you need me, whatever you need, we’ll support each other.” Harry smiles.

This time you engage the kiss, grateful as you relish in the pure moment of happiness.

“Thank you Harry.” You smile weakly.

“Now why don’t you tell me about your mom?” Harry suggests, sitting you down and pulling his wand out of his pocket.

As you ramble on about childhood stories, funny jokes and happy memories Harry smiles and listens, healing your hands and holding them in his.

You spend the rest of the evening laying against his shoulder and gazing up at the stars. Harry places kisses against your head, cheeks and nose every now and again, and even though you knew there was still a long road to walk before you could truly say you felt change, you smiled a little and realized.

Nature wasn’t calling you join it, it was reminding you of the beauty you would be missing. The stars weren’t inviting you up, they were shining to show all the wonders you loved.

And your mother wasn’t embracing you from afar to push you forwards, she was edging you back. Back into Harry’s arms.

#harry potter x reader #harry potter angst #harry potter imagine #harry potter #harry potter x you #harry potter x y/n #angst

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alwaysmychoices · 3 years

Text

Ski Resort

Synopsis: After declaring her intention to leave medicine forever, Charlie must join the Diagnostics Team for one more case before Ethan will let her retire. But once they’re trapped in the ski resort, Charlie gets tangled in the mystery, and she begins to wonder if she should really leave medicine or if it’s time to come back.

Chapter 26 of the “with and without” series

Previous Series: “a weekend with dr. ramsey”

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlotte “Charlie” Greene)

Words: 5.5k (sorry, I tried so hard to cut it down)

Rating: Teen

Also available on AO3 & Wattpad (link in Masterlist)

The drive to the ski resort was uncomfortably quiet. Ethan and Charlie didn't speak a word, not even when Baz tried to play car games or entertain the captive group with stories.

No, Ethan and Charlie weren't going to speak – or rather, Ethan wasn't going to speak until Charlie did, and Charlie wasn't going to say a thing.

The fight in Ethan's office had cooled to begrudging acceptance. Despite her objections, Charlie put on her coat, read the patient information, and piled in the car with the rest of the diagnostics team just as Ethan insisted. But her cooperation extended only that far.

Ethan was sure that she was furious in the back seat – so sure that he kept looking back to her in the rearview to see if her expression had soured any further.

But Ethan wasn't right about everything.

Charlie wasn't angry – or if she was, it was secondarily not primarily.

She was anxious.

Anxious to be back at work and interacting with critical patients when her confidence in herself and her skills had never been lower. Anxious to stand on the precipice of her entire future – for if she failed today, she wouldn't be a doctor, and if she didn't, she'd have to face fears buried deep in her soul.

It wasn't that she held her tongue because she would have hurled insults otherwise. She held her tongue because she simply couldn't bear to say anything at all.

June and Baz sensed the discomfort, though they were kind enough to not comment on it. Baz tried his best to lessen the uneasiness with music and diverting conversion, none of which stuck. June was more intrigued, maybe even suspicious.

They'd both been surprised when Charlie joined the expedition after her long absence, but Baz was much more willing to accept the sudden return and be thankful for it. June couldn't shake her curiosity.

After all, why had Charlie suddenly returned from leave for this one case? Why was the relationship between Charlie and Ethan, which had once been friendly, now so tense?

Being scrutinized only made Charlie feel worse.

It was a relief for all parties when they arrived at the ski resort.

Any other day, Charlie would have stopped and marveled at the sight.

Perfect, white snow coated the landscape and the resort. Smoke billowed from the central fireplace, promising warmth and comfort inside. Snow-capped trees climbed Mount Dagger and dotted the landscape. Even with layers and layers of footprints marring the snow and a large resort looming in the background, this place felt serene and untouched somehow.

It was so different from the heat and sunshine Charlie had grown up with.

Part of her wished she could have leaned into Ethan and marveled at the place, letting him tease her for her unfamiliarity and inexperience with snow. She realized that winter had only been pain and survival for them. She had the urge to change that somehow – to throw a snowball or challenge him to make snow angels.

But instead, Charlie just trudged along, keeping the urges to herself and remaining silent.

The owner, Rodney, was a friend of Ethan's. He greeted them all warmly and thanked them for their time. On the way to the patient's room, he offered charming anecdotes about Ethan's childhood and their friendship. Charlie wished she could have engaged more, but it was all becoming too real. In mere moments, she would be a working doctor again – a dream that had become a nightmare.

Paula and her son, Timothy, waited in their hotel room.

In the end, they weren't nearly as frightening as Charlie had imagined them. The entire drive, she morphed her patient experience into that of death and destruction, and she'd forgotten how mundane interactions could really be. Even Paula's defiance and complaints felt tame in the face of all Charlie had been through.

During the initial interview, Charlie didn't resume the active role she'd once had on the team. Instead, it was Ethan who drove the questioning, with June acting as his secondary. The team had found their new rhythm in her absence, and they seemed to know that Charlie was purposefully not stepping into her old shoes.

Ethan was disappointed.

To an outsider, she would have looked like a student rather than a member of the team. She stood in the back of the group, her mouth closed and ideas kept to herself. It could have read as disinterest, though Ethan highly doubted Charlie could confront a mystery and not be enthralled. No, it must have been something else. Anger maybe. Perhaps she wasn't ready, just as she'd warned him in the hospital.

During the interview, Ethan managed to look back at Charlie and examine her without anyone noticing.

And what he found prompted a sigh of relief.

She wasn't disinterested.

Charlie's eyes were bright and alive with curiosity. She was listening attentively, her expression changing slightly with each new piece of information. She must be cataloging it, saving it, and allowing it to simmer until it attached to a theory. Even if she wasn't speaking, she was here. She was part of the team, part of the future solution. He could see it in her now– the passion and empathy he'd recognized in her so early in her intern year.

He found himself hoping it would be enough to make her stay.

Enough to make her realize she wanted to stay.

It distracted him from the interview.

Not that he was missing much anyway. Paula, the patient, was particularly uncooperative. It took considerable prodding – and her son’s insistence – to get Paula to say anything at all.

But Ethan’s attention quickly returned when Paula's behavior suddenly shifted.

June and Baz talking to each other, quietly exposing the confusion amongst the team about Paula's bizarre symptoms. Nothing about the conversation was particularly unusual, but to a distrustful woman like Paula, it was enough to prove incompetence on the team's part.

With an eerie light in her eyes, Paula interrupted to say, "It sounds like you have no idea what you're talking about."

She said it with such airy mirth that the comment was unsettling.

Then, to the horror of everyone in the room, the formerly austere Paula's face split into a wild, frenzied laugh. Her posture had changed – so had her facial expressions. Ethan took a step closer and realized that the disturbing glimmer in her eyes was the dark of her pupil as it dilated.

The team looked at each other in horror and shock.

"Paula, are you feeling alright?" Charlie asked. These were the first unprompted words she'd spoken since the introductions.

"I feel great! Why the hell wouldn't I? I'm stuck on a mountain with a load of incompetent doctors!" Paula's voice dissolved into laughter. It was too loud. Too open. Too long.

The diagnostics team looked to each other, and in a silent consensus, they followed Ethan's lead to the hallway. Once the door closed behind them, they abandoned their polite, neutral expressions to show their true concern.

"It looks like a manic episode. If her brain trauma is extensive enough to cause that…." Ethan trailed off, only for Charlie to finish.

"We need to get her to a hospital as soon as possible. Can we call for a helicopter?"

“Doubtful,” Baz frowned, “During the interview, the storm was upgraded to a blizzard. We wouldn’t have time for a helicopter, and the roads are already being shut down.”

“But we just got here!” Charlie fought it, not that she was sure why she did. The entire drive up, the snow had gotten progressively worse. Even from inside Paula’s room, she could tell the weather was turning.

“Then we’re stuck here,” June announced, ignoring Charlie’s outburst, “We’ll have to monitor Paula all night in case her condition worsens.”

Charlie frowned.

This was not how she wanted her first case back to go.

The patient showed unusual symptoms and potential mania, all while they were trapped in a ski resort by a blizzard? This had death and destruction written all over it.

Had Ethan taken the time to consider it, he would have reached the same dim conclusion.

But fortunately for him, he was more distracted by managing the crisis. With little time before the snow made movement impossible to leave the lodge, Ethan decided to find the source of Paula’s rash on the mountain. Charlie objected on safety grounds, but Ethan went out anyway. In his absence, the team conducted a few tests and settled the room arrangements with Rodney. Ethan returned safely, just a bit cold and damp from the snow, and with the cause of the rash. It was poison sumac, he announced. Unrelated to the other symptoms, unfortunately, but at least they could rule other things out.

Only moments later, the blizzard captured the resort captured the resort and trapped the occupants inside.

To his surprise, Charlie wasn’t impressed by his discovery or his quick return. She was annoyed he’d gone out in the first place. And he suspected she was irritated to be here at all.

He wondered if he was pushing her too far, if his plan to show her the best parts of their job had been flawed. If he had been flawed.

If he was doing more harm than good.

Then June pulled out the hotel keys to present them to everyone.

There were four.

The extra room key stung.

It shouldn’t have.

Of course, they couldn’t stay in the same room on a work trip. He shouldn’t have expected anything different.

But something about it made him feel… distant from her.

Like he’d created a wall between them in this whole endeavor, a wall made physical by the separate rooms. Though he’d done it thousands of nights before, Ethan suddenly couldn’t imagine sleeping without her, her body warm beside him and her fragrant curls straying to his side of the bed. He wanted her to forgive him, though he wasn’t sure what for.

In an ideal world, they would have talked about it.

He would have checked on her.

But instead, in a whirlwind of arrangements and discussions, Ethan began his shift, and Charlie followed Baz and June to find their rooms.

Charlie hadn’t planned on staying, so she had nothing to unpack except for a phone charger from her purse and a laptop borrowed from Edenbrook. She didn’t relish the idea of sleeping in her bulky jeans or shivering in the cold night, but there was nothing she could do about that in a blizzard.

It was a relief to warm herself in a hot shower, but after, the room felt too lonely. Unsure what to do with herself, she searched for Baz and June. She found them both at the bar, which fortunately hadn’t been affected by the outside storm.

They sat by the fire with medical journals and drinks – and smores, in Baz’s case. When Charlie entered, they gave her their full attention.

They were genuinely happy to see her return.

They still believed in her, it seemed.

Not that she should be surprised, she reminded herself.

But she was a little.

She’d forgotten how it felt to be the prodigy, not the shattered impersonation of one.

Baz couldn’t contain his excitement and even went as far as to buy her bourbon in celebration, “I’m so happy you’re back! We’ve missed you, Charlie. It hasn’t been the same without you.”

“He tells the truth,” June confirmed, looking a little amused with her colleague’s enthusiasm.

Charlie didn’t know what to say, so she blushed and let Baz fill in the silence – not that he noticed. He had lots to say.

“To our star resident! You’ve been through hell and back, and we’re so proud of how far you’ve come. For you to have survived that and stand here ready to be a doctor again is brave, Charlie,” Baz emphasized in his toast, oblivious to the fact he was only making Charlie more nervous.

Charlie weakly raised her glass, tapping it against June’s and Baz’s.

June’s eyes settled on Charlie’s unsteady smile.

Which only made Charlie more unsteady.

“I can’t believe you’re really back and that Ethan didn’t even give us a warning! For weeks, he said you needed more time, and then, he surprised us. You two were probably in on it together,” Baz laughed good-naturedly, “So, are you back permanently now?”

I have no idea, she thought.

She didn’t know if she’d make it through this case, let alone if she’d take on another.

Her future was too uncertain, her confidence too shaken to answer.

“Um,” Charlie stammered, looking for an answer that didn’t expose her as a nervous wreck, “We’ll see how it works out with my remaining leave, I guess,” she answered noncommittally.

It was the wrong answer.

Too uncommitted. Not enough enthusiasm. Recognizable nerves.

It exposed something that Charlie wanted to hide. It showed how little she controlled this situation, how little she controlled everything. She didn’t know what would happen or what she wanted to happen. It was such a stark contrast from the determined, headstrong intern she’d once been.

If Baz noticed, he took it in stride and said he hoped she would be back full time soon. Then, he started telling her about all she’d missed – leaving out Levi, of course.

June noticed, though.

She sensed Charlie’s unease, and as a result, she stared. And studied.

Charlie became increasingly uncomfortable as the subject of June’s fascination. She felt like she might crack, like June would see through her if she was given enough time.

She began to feel like an imposter trying to fill her old role, and the deception of it all made her sick.

Charlie couldn’t stay for the rest of the evening, not if she was going to survive the night.

So, Charlie finished her bourbon a little too quickly, and to Baz’s disappointment, she excused herself to review online journals on her laptop. June wasn’t surprised she was leaving, though she politely said goodnight anyway.

Maybe June suspected Charlie’s weakness all along.

Maybe she was the smart one. Maybe she saw the truth that Ethan and Baz couldn’t – that Charlie was irreparably broken.

Even with the distance of a few floors separating them, Charlie felt haunted by the exchange – and maybe even still watched by June.

Charlie wanted to prove herself. She wanted to be the old star resident again, though she wondered if she had it in her.

The research proved fascinating, though research had never been a problem for Charlie. She loved learning, and she was always captivated by cases like this. Still, Paula’s case was an enigma, and Charlie went between journals, online textbooks, and her own observations over and over until her eyes burned. When she couldn’t focus anymore, she decided to take a walk and check on Paula. With any luck, she’d gain valuable information through questioning or observation. Even if learned nothing, it would be nice to see Ethan, someone who knew about her trauma and still believed in her enough to bring her here.

Charlie was halfway to Paula’s room when she spotted a familiar face.

“Timothy?” Charlie called out.

Timothy, the patient’s son, stopped mid-stride in shock. He probably didn’t think that anyone else in this hotel knew him.

“I’m one of your mom’s doctors,” Charlie explained quickly, hoping to put him at ease.

It worked. Timothy relaxed a bit, though he remained rigid enough to protect the cup of herbal tea he was carrying. Another mug for his mom, Charlie suspected. She worried that this meant her symptoms were getting worse.

“I’m on your way to your mother’s room. Do you mind if I walk with you?” Charlie asked. During the interview, Timothy had been more forthcoming than his mother, and if Paula became more uncooperative, he would be their only hope. And she worried for the boy. It had to be scary to watch something like this happen to your mother.

Timothy agreed, and they walked together quietly. After a few quiet moments, Charlie commented, “That’s very sweet of you to bring your mother some tea. You’ve been a very good caretaker, Timothy. That’s brave of you, and I want you to know you’re doing a good job, though you should also take care of yourself tonight.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m used to it,” Timothy said sheepishly, looking into the cup of tea with a shy smile.

Charlie’s interest was piqued.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just mom and me at home, so I take care of her.”

“What do you take care of, Timothy?”

Timothy frowned like he’d said something wrong.

“We’re here to help,” Charlie assured him, “So if she has a condition you’ve been helping her with, it’s okay. Just let us know. It may be interacting with or causing her current ailment.”

Timothy looked at Charlie thoughtfully. Almost too thoughtfully.

Charlie was sure there was something he wanted to tell her, or at least something he should tell her.

But all he said was, “It’s nothing really. We’re doing better now.”

Better from what? she thought.

Timothy suddenly looked down and frowned further.

“Is something wrong?”

“I forgot my bag in the lobby when I went to make the tea….”

“I can go get it for you.”

“No,” Timothy insisted too quickly.

Charlie was startled.

“Well, I can bring the tea if you want….” Charlie offered, her voice soft.

“She wouldn’t take it from you,” Timothy shook his head, his eyes softer now. Almost like he was apologetic for his mom’s violent dislike of doctors.

Charlie didn’t want to let Timothy go, especially when he was clearly hiding something, but he insisted she go ahead to the room without him. Not wanting to alienate him, Charlie reluctantly complied.

Once Charlie was in Paula’s room, she almost forgot about her strange encounter with Timothy. The change in Paula was drastic. Her boisterous laughter had faded into dreary silence. She laid in the bed silent and unmoving, her face blank and cold. Even the room felt darker, like all of the energy had been drained as depression gripped the primary occupant.

Ethan was stationed in the corner of the room, and he greeted Charlie with a silent nod.

“How long has this been going on?” Charlie whispered as she approached.

“About an hour,” Ethan frowned.

“I ran into the son in the hallway. I think there’s a preexisting condition they’re hiding from us,” Charlie lowered her voice even further to keep from being heard.

“Hmm,” Ethan raised his eyebrows with intrigue.

“I’m working on it,” she assured him.

Before they could talk any further, Timothy entered with a cup of tea and a bookbag in tow. He dropped the bag by the door, letting it slouch near Ethan and Charlie as he rushed to his mother’s side to deliver the tea. His bag’s zipper was half-undone, revealing some of the contents.

Charlie couldn’t help but look.

A notebook. Headphones. Pencils and pens. What looked like a few pages of math homework. Teabags, presumably from the herbal tea.

All normal stuff for a high schooler.

Still, she tilted her head just a bit more.

Some socks. A bag of –

A bag of pills.

Charlie’s head jerked to attention.

Why would he have a bag of pills? Was he abusing them?

Charlie was about to elbow Ethan and draw his attention to it when Timothy returned for the bag, zipping it back up and slinging it over his shoulder. If he noticed her stare, he didn’t let on.

Everything that was said after that was a blur. Charlie was wracking her brain trying to mentally identify the pill, but she didn’t recognize it. If only she knew what it was, maybe she could help.

When June arrived to take her shift, Charlie took it as her opportunity to return to her room to research medications commonly used or abused by teenagers.

Ethan, oblivious to her new mission, was disappointed by how quickly she ran away. He’d been excited when she came to check on Paula. He thought she was getting back into medicine, but now she was running away from it – and him.

He’d hoped to talk to her once he was off duty.

But Charlie didn’t even realize she’d slighted him.

She spent the next forty-five minutes trying to find a match for the pill.

Nothing jumped out at her. The pill she saw didn’t seem to be commonly abused, nor was it coming up in her research. Could it be a regular vitamin? If so, why would he have it in a bag? Or was it a street drug not listed in these databases?

Without interruption, she might have spent the whole night in this fruitless search.

She was lucky Ethan knocked on the door.

Knock. Knock.

Her train of thought was rudely interrupted, she thought, and she was reluctant to abandon her computer and greet the intruder. Had there not been a patient, she might have been annoyed enough to wait for a second knock.

When she saw Ethan, her mind went back to that room – to Paula.

She forgot that there was any other reason he might be coming to see her.

Like the fact that this was her first time back to work or that he was her boyfriend.

“Are Paula and Timothy alright?” Charlie blurted out, skipping introductions as she assumed the worst.

“Oh…” Ethan was a little knocked back, “Yes. They’re fine.”

“Oh,” Charlie was relieved but now a bit confused.

He stared at her.

Didn’t she understand why he was here? Why wasn’t she inviting him inside?

For a second, she’d gotten so into her job that she’d forgotten everything else – even how much her job terrified her.

“I came to check on you,” Ethan announced finally.

This jolted Charlie’s memory, and she quickly moved back from the door, letting him enter.

Her room was smaller than his, he noted. He found himself hoping she wouldn’t sleep in it tonight. He wanted her by his side. He wanted the assurance that he hadn’t lost her by pushing her too hard.

“How are you doing?” Ethan asked as he crossed the room, silently appraising her living arrangements. By the state of the crumbled comforter, it looked like she’d been researching on her laptop for most of the night.

“Alright, I guess” Charlie murmured, a little unsure of herself.

Their case was an enigma, and their patient was rapidly detreating in a blizzard. A teen had mystery pills in his backpack. June was now studying her. All day, Charlie had been teetering between genuine passion for her job and the feeling of insufficiently filling her old role.

How well could she really be doing?

But she also couldn’t say that she was miserable. She wasn’t as sure of her decision to leave as she had been this morning, nor was she convinced that medicine was all death and destruction.

The best way to describe Charlie was unsteady. Unsure, even.

She just had to survive this case.

Ethan, unsatisfied with her answer, awkwardly paced her small hotel room. She watched.

Finally, he turned to her, and finding the courage to say the words he’d prepared for the last hour, he said, “I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to apologize. I pushed you a lot today. At the time, I thought it was right. In fact, I still think it was right, but… it wasn’t fair.”

Charlie couldn’t believe Ethan was apologizing. Any other day, she might have even gloated. But today, she squirmed, equally unnerved by the situation. Maybe even more so.

Ethan waited for her response, trying so hard to be patient but failing miserably. He couldn’t fathom that he might have misjudged her limits and ruined everything.

It felt like an eternity before she spoke.

“It’s okay… I needed to come back before I decided. Maybe not so abruptly but…” Charlie trailed off, the edge of a smile on her lips. There was a glint in her eyes, and he realized she was poking fun at him.

He was relieved.

“You’ve done really well today,” Ethan ventured, “I’m proud of you.”

Charlie shook her head sheepishly, “I barely spoke.”

“But you were listening.”

“You can’t pretend I’m the same as I was.”

“You don’t have to be the same to be a good doctor, Charlie.”

Charlie bit her lower lip as she averted her gaze.

He took that as an invitation to be bolder, “I think you should come back permanently.”

“What?” Charlie’s eyes shot back to him, the shock in her eyes verging on indignation.

“The team agrees. It’s time, Charlie,” Ethan knew he was stuck now. He couldn’t take it back or soothe the storm that was brewing.

“You spoke to the team?” her gaze grew harder.

“I wanted you to know that you had full faith in you!” Ethan explained.

“June’s already watching me like there’s something wrong with me! Now you’ve just given her more reason to study me,” Charlie shook her head, frustration rising through her veins, “Why would you do that before talking to me?”

“You need to know that we believe in you, Charlotte,” Ethan said quite defensively, “We want you on the team.”

“I haven’t even made it through this case. What makes you think I’m ready to take on another?”

“Because you’re you. You’re not even out of residency yet, and you’re pulling your weight among experts. You’re discovering preexisting conditions none of us ever knew about-“

“Of which we have no proof!” Charlie interrupted.

“You’re still closer to an answer than any of us are,” Ethan said firmly, “And even when you’re scared, like you are now, you still care. You’re a good doctor. Great, even. You’ll be better than me one day. But you’re giving up-“

“Giving up?” Charlie repeated incredulously, “That’s what you think I’m doing?”

“You have a gift!”

“I almost died,” Charlie emphasized, “Every time a patient comes in with a mystery illness and no hope, I know what that feels like. I relive the worst day of my life through their eyes, and I know I can’t save them all. And you think I’m just giving up?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Charlie,” Ethan said, suddenly ashamed, “I’m trying to help you. I love you, and I know you love medicine. I don’t want you to lose that because of a premature decision.”

“So, you think you’re helping me by making me do what I don’t want?”

Ethan frowned, “When it feels like it’s for the best, yes… But it’ll get better.”

Charlie paused.

And then something clicked.

And the fight – and Ethan’s dumb words – were forgotten.

“Wait,” she mumbled, “Making me do what I don’t want…”

“Yes, I know, and I’m sorry. But I really am trying to help,” Ethan tried, oblivious to the shift in Charlie’s mind.

She ignored him, rushing to her computer.

“What are you doing?” Ethan asked incredulously, watching as she frantically typed something into her computer. Again, she ignored him.

Her eyes the screen until they landed on the pill she’d seen in Timothy’s bag.

“I know what’s wrong with Paula.”

Ethan dropped his defensive stance and rushed to her side, hoping he’d understand by looking at her screen. But all he saw was a medication.

“There’s a bag of lithium in Timothy’s backpack. He said he’s been taking care of her for a long time but that she got better recently. I think he’s drugging her with this.”

“Her mood swings…” Ethan’s jaw almost dropped.

“He’s probably been trying to treat her for bipolar disorder on his own. You saw how she was with doctors. I doubt she would have gone in for treatment,” Charlie felt a knot form in her stomach. Even though she was sure of her hypothesis, she hoped it wasn’t true.

“And they gave her ibuprofen to treat her head injury,” Ethan swallowed heavily.

“We have to get her to a hospital.”

“And talk to Timothy.”

As if reading each other’s minds, they abandoned the laptop in Charlie’s room and raced to Paula’s room where they found Timothy waiting by his sleeping mother, looking exhausted but sleepless with worry.

Unfortunately, Charlie’s theory was correct.

Timothy confessed, and Charlie’s heart broke as they explained the repercussions of his actions as well as the severity of what he had done wrong. She felt for him, for what he must have gone through to think such action was necessary. But she couldn’t excuse his decision to medicate her without her consent, especially given the consequences. The lithium and ibuprofen combined to form a disastrous chain reaction, one that lasted even after they discovered the cause.

It took hours for the storm to clear enough for the helicopters to take Paula to the hospital.

While they waited, Charlie and Ethan sat in his room – a romantic suite with a view of the snowy mountains. It felt like a waste now. A romantic night they could have had, if Charlie hadn’t solved such a sad mystery. She was tired, though she wouldn’t admit it. At some point, she drifted to sleep, and Ethan held her, his fingers running through her hair as he kissed her temple and quietly congratulated her on her solve.

“I always knew you’d be the one to solve it,” he whispered.

“Why?” she murmured, “Were you holding back?”

“No, because you’re smarter than me,” he chuckled.

Charlie was smiling when she fell asleep.

When she woke up, the mood had shifted back to panic.

The helicopter on its way, and the team needed to follow. June and Baz took the helicopter with Paula and Timothy, and Ethan and Charlie drove the car back once the roads opened. The team called a few times to share updates and ask for advice.

But for most of the drive, Ethan held Charlie’s hand in silence.

The case was over.

She could back to her life in the apartment where she hid from the world and pushed herself just a little day by day, building her tolerance safely. She could tell Ethan he was wrong. Or she could stay.

And the truth was… she couldn’t imagine going back now.

Not now that she remembered what it was like on the good days – ones where she made the solve and saved the day. Ones where she realized she made a difference, that she solved things other people couldn’t.

It was okay to be scared.

Even as the words were on the tip of her tongue, she was terrified.

“My answer is yes.”

Ethan’s eyes momentarily drifted from the road to her, “What?”

“To your question last night. I want to come back permanently.”

Ethan felt like he could crash the car out of pure shock.

“Are you sure?”

“I mean… not really. I’m scared, but I think it’s time,” Charlie nodded her head, trying to project the confidence she wanted to once more possess.

“We can wait for you if you need more time,” Ethan assured her, struggling to keep his eyes on the highway and not right at her.

“I know,” Charlie confirmed, “But now is the time. I can’t retire, and I can’t wait forever to go back. I’ll never be 100% ready, so I just have to jump in.”

Ethan’s heart was beating so fast that Charlie felt it as she held his hand.

“Are you really, really sure?” Ethan clarified just one more time.

“Yes,” Charlie laughed, a smile lingering on her lips.

He looked at her. Briefly, of course. He was driving, after all.

And then his face broke out in a face-splitting grin.

“I’m so proud of you, Rookie,” he brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles, “You’re amazing! I love you! I love you so much.”

His happiness was infectious. So infectious that she forgot about the fear.

And she laughed.

“You haven’t called me Rookie in a long time,” she squeezed his hand softly, and he cast a sideways glance at her.

“Do you still like being called Rookie?”

“Yes,” she smiled so warmly it practically radiated off of her.

And he loved her. He really did.

“Well then, I love you, Rookie,” he smirked, “And I owe you a romantic ski vacation.”

“Bold of you to assume I know how to ski.”

“And I owe you ski lessons, I suppose,” he murmured affectionately.

“You also owe me a kiss when we stop this car,” Charlie added.

He looked over at her – and quite recklessly because they were doctors and knew what could happen when young lovers were stupid on highways – he kissed her. Quickly, of course. Softly. But lovingly.

And even if she regretted it tomorrow and the world caved again, she was glad she was back today.

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