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depoteka · 1 year

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my ranking and review of all eurovision 2023 songs

(don't expect any intellectual deep dives, i just tried articulating my feelings the best i could but it was hard bc i'm so lukewarm on so many songs. if the reviews don't make sense it's because i wrote them before i used the esc gerbear to sort the places hhh)

37. iceland: diljá - power

it definitely is a song that is competing in eurovision this year and i've listened to it. it doesn't make me feel anything so i don't know what to say. it's a fast pop song but i'm not even vibing to it :( i just don't like it

36. switzerland: remo forrer - watergun

oh switzerland, just because sad boy gjon worked in 2021 doesn't mean you need to keep sending sad boys now... a really boring attempt at an anti-war song

35. cyprus: andrew lambrou - break a broken heart

i don't think i'm really into men singing some heartbreak songs tbh i don't like those howls in the song and the rest sorta sounds imagine dragons-ish to me, the verses at least

34. greece: victor vernicos - what they say

it's cool that he's playing bass in the music video but the song isn't making me feel much. ain't gonna really talk shit about it bc the dude's just 16, i hope he has fun at eurovision

33. italy: marco mengoni - due vite

i like to think italy is my fave eurovision country and then they send a ballad….. i actually watched sanremo (tho i haven't seen any of the nights till the end bc i'm not that strong Yet) and marco wasn't my favourite at all, i was actually surprised how crazy the audience kept going whenever he was performing. of course i can see it getting some good result because it's a classic italian ballad. just not for me

32. ireland: wild youth - we are one

we've got u2 at home/the u2 at home:…. this song has the most generic love love peace peace lyrics ever and whatever unity they are singing about i don't want to be a part of it

31. poland: jann - gladiator blanka - solo

baybeh….it's kinda crazeh… allegedly it was a big radio hit before "winning" the preselections but imma be real with you, i'd never heard it before. it's a harmless pop song without any substance and if it was selected internally i'd be like meh but all the bullshit that went down at our national final makes me mad. i hope we flop hard

30. portugal: mimicat - ai coração

something about it to me feels like early 00s eurovision and i must admit, i don't really like it. though the performance in liverpool might be quite fun

29. romania: theodor andrei - d.g.t. (off and on)

the national final performance of this song is a state of mind. to be frank i feel like the esc fandom is overhating this song, it's not That bad. am i a fan of this song? no. would i like it to see it in the final with the same staging just for laughs? yes

28. israel: noa kirel - unicorn

israel i'm so sorry 0 points……. this song is a disjointed mess to my ears, i think it would've been better if they stuck to just one of the styles they used in this song. all the mentions of unicorns in this song make me cringe. not to mention the "you wanna see me dance?" bit which um, also makes me cringe. no problem with a dance break but why did she have to announce it like that out of nowhere. my favourite part of the song is probably the "u-ni-corn" chant at the very end but other than that eh. this song was written to make the staging crazy and exciting but as a song it doesn't work for me

27. azerbaijan: turalturanx - tell me more

brave of azerbaijan to send two dudes with their song that sound like it teleported itself from an early 00s shitty british movie. that rap part sounds like it's from a corporate song targeted at a young audience to idk make them stop smoking asdfadsf there's something endearing about this song tho

26. uk: mae muller - i wrote a song

i recognize that it's a step in the right direction for the uk and it's a rather fun song but tbh i just don't connect with it. i really liked sam last year and sadly in comparison mae's song seems quite weak to me. though i hope that the (de facto) host country curse doesn't work on the uk this year tho and they don't end up on the very end of the board

25. the netherlands: mia nicolai & dion cooper - burning daylight

ngl i forgot about this song after the first listen. i don't even know what to say about it really, it's just really underwhelming to me. i think i don't actively hate it but i also don't really like it

24. georgia: iru - echo

english grammar rules have left the chat. i'm baffled by the lyrics. but the song overall (along with the video) feels like something from outer space or the future. not in a crazy way tho. i think it has some potential

23. denmark: reiley - breaking my heart

bts are on hiatus so it's his time to shine. no but seriously, there's something so kpopy about this song? i defo like it more than the other "breaking heart" song this year but still. the dude gives me some uncanny valley feeling, especially considering he allegedly pretends to be 5 years younger than he actually is? i love eurovision drama

22. estonia: alika - bridges

we have very few true ballads this year but i think this one's ok!! not a ballad girl myself but i don't mind this one, i like her voice. gives me adele bond theme vibes. i've seen people say alika isn't really selling this song but i saw her national final performance and it seemed fine to me? not much you can really do when you're singing a ballad tbh

21. armenia: brunette - future lover

imma be real with you, i laughed out loud when i first listened to this song because of the lyrics. but i think the song is kinda nice anyway? not a fave but it's nice enough

20. malta: the busker - dance (our own party)

they got sax and in theory i should like it. but i'm not a fan. the whole "ooh i wanna stay at home in my sweater" shtick doesn't work for me. i can see why some people are vibing to this song but it's not doing it for me

19. sweden: loreen - tattoo

i'm a noted hater of sweden at eurovision so don't expect me to say anything nice hhhh the song is rather fine and loreen is fantastic but at the same time i feel like the entire song is just one idea repeated over and over without any sort of variation. her staging at melfest seems quite interesting but overall i don't think this has a potential to win? especially if the people watching in may remember euphoria. tattoo pales in comparison

18. san marino: piqued jacks - like an animal

hear me out………i don't hate this song. yes maybe it's cringe but somehow it keeps getting stuck in my head because it's catchy asdfasdfadsf i'm waiting for the studio version bc it's hard to properly judge it based on the shit sound mix at san marino nf

17. ukraine: tvorchi - heart of steel

was kinda surprised watching vidbir when this won! but then again ukraine keeps giving us different things constantly. i quite like this song but it's also too lowkey for me, nothing to go crazy about. still, it's a vibe

16. norway: alessandra - queen of the kings

ngl when i first heard the song i couldn't understand why people like it so much. now i enjoy it more but i wouldn't say it's a fave of mine? i can see it getting a good result though, there's something very eurovision about it

15. serbia: luke black - samo mi se spava

i feel like technically i should like this song but i….don't. i think the music itself is quite fun but…..the performance makes it seem like it was written for the netflix eurovision movie. something about this guy's voice bothers me. the nail to the coffin for me is the fact that the title of this song sounds close to "samo mi się spawa" in polish which means "it welds on its own for me" instead of "i just wanna sleep" which is what the title actually means 💀 i can't shake this association off and it doesn't help me like this song more

14. slovenia: joker out - carpe diem

at first i wasn't impressed but overall i think it's quite a fun indie/pop rock song!! and it's always nice to hear a native language instead of english

13. lithuania: monika lynkytė - stay

it's a pleasant song and the lithuanian bit is my fave part of the song. overall i don't mind it, but also i'm not crazy about it. sort of disappointed because i really loved sentimentai last year :(

12. belgium: gustaph - because of you

i haven't watched the belgian nf so i don't know what the other options were (that people are so mad about not winning) but i quite like this one!!! it's a bop, makes me wanna dance. i hope gustaph brings some voguing to liverpool

11. moldova: pasha parfeni - soarele şi luna

the only true folk influenced song we have this year, i like it!! it's a banger, it has some sort of flute going on, from what i've seen the lyrics refer to a folk legend? we love it

10. australia: voyager - promise

banger!! pleasantly surprised because i don't think i've ever really really liked any of australia's entries in the past. thought the random high note in the second verse is quite funny to me tbh asdasdfds

9. croatia: let 3 - mama ŠČ!

i think it's more of a whole package where the song doesn't really make full sense without the performance but in some strange way i enjoy the song anyway. the lyrics also are quite understandable in polish which probably also makes it easier for me (and i imagine other slavic people as well) to understand the message without feeling confused about what's going on

8. albania: albina & familja kelmendi - duje

the drama?? i love it. i saw somebody say it feels like a turkish telenovela and they've got a point. it makes me feel something (unlike some other entries) and i appreciate it. plus the instrumental absolutely fucks

7. spain: blanca paloma - eaea

when i first heard the song i didn't understand it at all. i feel like i still don't fully Get it but there's something so fascinating about it to me that i can't stop thinking about it. i'm so confused? but i think it means i enjoy it. definitely something i like more than slomo last year

6. germany: lord of the lost - blood & glitter

yell heah!! germany finally sending something worthwhile. i keep listening to this song on loop, i wanna twerk to it. love the combo of metal AND glitter <3

5. france: la zarra - évidemment

i already liked it at first listen and it keeps growing on me! not a big fan of chanson type of songs but this one is a banger + her look in the music video is gorgeous, i hope she keeps it for liverpool

4. czechia: vesna - my sister's crown

liked it before it was chosen at czechia's national final and was happy when they won but i kinda got bored of it after a month or so? i still think it's a good song (even tho i know people have some issues with it) and i love the mix of three different slavic languages. i think with the right staging they can win me back

3. latvia: sudden lights - aijā

OK OK… when i first heard it i was like ok. but then one evening i randomly found myself watching the moldovan nf and they were guests there and when they played their song in this shitty studio i was like omg it's actually really good?? obsessed with the lullaby bit at the end. i hope to god they qualify, they need to bring justice to latvia after citi zeni's nq last year

2. austria: teya & salena - who the hell is edgar?

what a surprise?? adored it at first listen. it both manages to be a bop while also trying to say something. i loved in corpore sano last year, i love who the hell is edgar this year

1. finland: käärijä - cha cha cha

what can i say......i usually don't really listen to any of the national final songs and just wait for the winner of each one but the thumbnail for cha cha cha music video on yt intrigued me so i watched it. and immediately i wanted käärijä to win eurovision weeks before he even won the finnish nf. the song is sooo addictive and his entire look/performance is hypnotizing. i know he's a favourite to win rn but if he somehow flops in may i'm gonna be really really sad. come on, it's crazy it's party. i think this finnish win would be a really fitting addition to lordi's win in 2006

#eurovision #i already am not sure about the ranking hhh #but like. more or less...

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projectmogai · 9 months

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Updated favorite commissions as of Hoshi wo Tsunagu + general commission opinions

Ichika - Made to Order. Overall her commissions are fine, though I prefer the VS versions of both Pulse of the Meteor and Hoshi wo Tsunagu (the tuning man... the tuning). Still not the biggest fan of her

Saki - Teratera/Show Off. Commissions overall are great. Stella is a close second place for me; I prefer the VS version of From Tokyo; and Aioi made me cry, it's beautiful

Honami - Still very close between Stage of Sekai and Flyway. Not a huge fan of Hare wo Matsu, probably because I'm just not big on Orangestar. Then again I'm not super huge on halyosy and then we got Flyway and it blew me away so. Edge still goes to Stage of Sekai though

Shiho - Voices. Yuyoyuppe is one of my favorite producers. However, Shiho literally does not have a bad song. You could put any of hers in the top spot and it would be correct

Minori - Tenshi no Clover. Worldwide Wander is right behind it. Dream Place and Teammate are both fine, but the latter especially really isn't my thing. I'm not a huge HoneyWorks fan. My opinion on Dream Place may go up when the full version is released

Haruka - If. Ai no Material is dragged down by MEIKO, and Float Planner is fine. Don't have much to say about her, but I do hope her next song is better. Her commissions tend to be more just good rather than great imo

Airi - Momoiro Key. Icedrop and More! Jump! More! are also very good. Still don't like Parasol Cider. Something about it just annoys me and I don't know what. It's just not for me

Shizuku - It's between Metamo Re:born and I Am, We Are. Color of Drops is fine, and Luka's tuning is surprisingly good in it

Kohane - Hitsuji ga Ippiki. Very funky, very Kohane. Beat Eater is also fantastic, and I think I'm in the minority of people who actually genuinely like Flyer. It makes me happy

An - Gekokujo/Giant Killing (yes that is the official translated title at least according to Apple Music). So... this song and event leaked around the time of my grandmother's funeral. I'm still grieving the loss, but this song has helped so much. Awake Now and Machi are both fantastic, and Forward is fine, though I want more of the guys

Akito - Kashika. Can't wait for the full version in three weeks (as of posting this). Akito is like Shiho, though; you could put any of his commissions as the top one and they'd be right. Let's hope that continues

Toya - Rad Dogs. Still hasn't been topped. Mirai is good though, and I recognize why people like Utsuro wo Aogu, even though I still don't like it that much. Hoping this Hiiragi Magnetite commission is his and it's good

Tsukasa - Mr. Showtime. I do not like Tsukasa--or WxS, really--that much. It's the character voices that get me most of the time. However, HitoYama made a banger. I can't stand Tondemo Wonders because of the sound effects, and I prefer the VS version of Eighty-Eight

Emu - Hoshizora Orchestra. Yeah I'm revising my opinion there. I cried when I listened to it with the lyrics. Made me feel warm. Once Upon a Dream is criminally underrated, and Niccori Survey Team's Theme is rightfully loved

Nene - Hakoniwa no Coral. Hot take, this is her first good commission. I do not like OSTER Project or kinoshita much, so that really knocks down Nijiiro Stories and Glory Steady Go for me. I wanted to like Hoshizora no Melody so badly because I like Polypho, but I can't stand them speaking in rhythm rather than singing, and I think MEIKO's tuning is some of the worst in the game here

Rui - What Kind of Ending Do You Want? I honestly flip between his songs though. He's like Shiho and Akito; any of them ranked as the best is the right answer

Kanade - Samsa. Don't get me wrong, I love both Kanade Tomosu Sora and Tricologe. But... KAITO. And Teniwoha. But yeah you also can't go wrong with Kanade

Mafuyu - Engeki. This song. I cried. Enough said. Jackpot Sad Girl is one of the best early game songs, Saisei is criminally underrated, and while bug is overrated and overplayed, it earned that. You can't go wrong with any of her songs in my book, though I'm aware I'm in the minority there. Still don't get the hate for Saisei though

Ena - Nomad. Just... beautiful. But her other songs are also great and again you can't go wrong. Do you see a pattern here?

Mizuki - Kitty. So funky. I think you know what I'm going to say here based on the last three though. Also don't get the hate for kimi no yoru wo kure. Like, at all

Can you tell I love Niigo?

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animehouse-moe · 7 months

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I'm terrible with timeliness and acknowledging things, but I hit 300 followers on Tumblr a couple of days ago now, which I thought was pretty cool. The conditioned response is a "thank you", but that doesn't feel right (and not in a selfish way, at least I believe). It's really cool that 300 people actually follow me and this account on a platform as I talk about anime and manga and whatnot, but it's one of those things where the longer I think about it the more I wonder as to why.

It's not like I offer anything unique with my stuff. I don't post art or fanfictions or anything that I can say is my creativity alone. As far as I see it, I'm just a crazy person scribbling away at a wall in an empty and white room. But I also don't really make any attempts to humanize myself in a lot of what I share, mostly because I struggle with riding the line between getting my point across effectively and in a meaningful fashion, and sounding like a person instead of an AI-generated response.

So maybe I should try a little to express myself some more, starting now.

I never intended to ever make something like this, nor do a lot of people. I was a university student over 2 years ago now that wanted to work on a project, but I needed a direction, a purpose. I deeply struggle with creation without reason, so I tried to find a way to drop a carrot in front of my face to encourage progress. A blog website is a very simple and easy thing to build to fill out your project portfolio, so I thought on what I'd be interested in making it for. Cars? Cool, but too costly to really do much of anything with. Computer hardware? Similar struggle. At that time, "Anime" came to mind as a cheap and accessible focus thanks to my increased watch time of media due to covid, so I ran with it.

I would just build fake or temporary blog posts to fill out the site and test it. Then I thought, if I'm going to have a blog site I should probably make a Twitter account for it as well. Oh, I should probably do this too, and that also. And so I accidentally made an entire platform based off an idea for a programming project. After about a year I abandoned the blog website because the project was "complete" and it's not like I was getting much traffic to it. But I kept the Twitter going, and going. And then one day I ended up here, and just kept going until I reached this follower count. It's weird to think about, in a sense. I never intended this for last, but it won't let go of me. It's even weirder because in all of my life I've never really been one to do anything like this before.

That's about it for the history though, I should probably add some details to the present.

As I write this I'm listening to a playlist of my favorite Nine Inch Nails songs. I'm a really big fan of their earlier work from albums like The Downward Spiral, that Industrial Rock sound is just so satisfying to me. But I'm also a bit of a music whore myself. When I say "everything except Country" I really mean it. Everything under the sun aside from Country music I'm cool with, but no matter how many phases I go through in terms of genres, I'll always gravitate towards the older music I used to listen on the radio to in my dad's car as we traveled for sports tournaments when I was younger. Foo Fighters, Muse, Soundgarden, Rage Against The Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, all the great bands of the early 2000s.

I also really do love art books. I'm terrible at art though I've never seriously tried, no matter how many times I tell myself I will. It does make me feel like an asshole though when I comment on art when I have no talent. It makes me feel unqualified to offer input on it, and makes me painfully aware of how shallow my analysis can be in comparison to what actually knowledgeable people can provide. I feel very similar with how I talk about anime. I refuse to view my words as an end all be all to any of the creative aspects because I've never even tried to what some of these authors/staff members have. But just like the couch potato dad will critique all the star athletes making hundreds of thousands a game, I'll sit myself down at my desk and belt out my complaints with very little reservation. A very hypocritical activity.

Sometimes I struggle with a healthy relationship between myself and this account. I think it's important to view them as two separate things for sanity's sake as well as to stave off an inflating ego, but it doesn't always happen. There's days I feel guilty for not saying something, for not making use of the platform I've created. I can feel a need to post, to be productive and compare myself to actual content creators despite my adamant declaration that I'm not one. It's a silly thing, but the internet and social media can be a terrible place that inspires people to desperation, to a deep desire for validation and popularity and that the numbers that you can see matter a great deal. It's not really fun.

Despite my (self proclaimed) "knowledge" of social media and the spheres of it that I engage with, I'm pretty terrible with outreach. Someone asking questions or challenging a point that I've written are things I can do very naturally, but genuine outreach and interaction is something that I struggle with. Should I do a giveaway? What's the best way to do it to make sure it goes to someone that deserves it? How should I go about finding similar accounts to interact or collaborate with? Is it okay if I reply to this post or ask a question? Truthfully, I might go as far as to say that I'm socially inept in regards to social media. It's a wave that I struggle to ride despite my reliance on it in several ways. But it's something I'm at least trying to stick with, so if there's any accounts similar to mine or anybody reading this thinks I'd be interesting in, tell me about them. Yes, a pathetically lazy request to make, but I just find myself intensely apathetic to a lot of the forced nature of social media.

But I'm still here, for whatever reason that may be. And I like talking about anime, manga, and all sorts of other similar things, for whatever reason that may be. And people follow me and like my posts, for whatever reason that may be.

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nayeonline · 8 months

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mini review: EL7Z UP - 'CHEEKY'

Right off the bat let’s be honest with each other - you didn’t watch Queendom Puzzle, I didn’t watch Queendom Puzzle, and any potential interest we may have had died when Chaeyeon left. Now we are on the same page, let’s review the latest K-Pop supergroup’s debut, courtesy of the overlords at Mnet, EL7Z UP, with ‘CHEEKY’.

From the first listen, it is painfully obvious what songs were on the vision board for this debut. It oozes that ‘After School’, ‘Stereotype’ sound that got popular a couple years ago, and generally speaking, it makes no real attempts to stray from the standard K-Pop girl group formula. Yes, it has that anti-drop switch up post chorus, but you know as well as I do how often that gets done in this genre, it can hardly be considered an innovation, much less a stray from the norm. ‘CHEEKY’ makes no attempts to innovate in the production, melody, or vocals, and even the music video looks dated and flavourless. Every scene concept in it has been done before, three generations ago by SNSD or f(x), and to a higher degree of quality. For a group with such a weird ass name as ‘EL7Z UP’ they sure know how to play it safe.

I don’t want to be misleading here - I love pop songs that are unapologetically pop, fromis_9’s ‘DM’ comes to mind especially. That song is extremely pop, it's so girly and fun, and the instrumentation and production takes few risks and keeps it pleasing to the ear, but its a fucking amazing song because of its addicting melodies, and catchy hooks. ‘CHEEKY’ has neither.

Another point of contention for me was the lack of Yuki in the song. I don’t really know the other girls like that, but I know Yuki is one of the most talented female rappers in the fourth generation, and she is barely present in this song. I hate unnecessary raps in K-Pop songs, but a rap like what she did in ‘Zombie’ would not at all be out of place in a song like ‘CHEEKY’. And more to the point, why would you put Yuki, a rapper, in the final lineup, if you were going to delegate her to the boring ass post chorus?!

Overall, this song is fine. If you fed an AI exclusively STAYC, Kep1er, and Weekly songs and asked it to spit out a song for your new girl group, this is what you would get. I don’t see it charting very high, I don’t see it bringing any of the members any new fans to bring back to their permanent groups. What have we learnt today - if you aren’t going to be original, you at least have to be a little bit catchy. Wishing all the best to the members and their future endeavours, they all seem highly talented, but unfortunately this song is a 6/10 on a good day.

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shurisneakers · 3 years

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harmless (vii)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, existential crisis, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, lil bit of angst, clint barton being a lil shit

Word count: 3.4k

A/N: hey shoutout to @ugherik for suggesting a spin on the “A PLATYPUS!??!“ [perry puts his hat on] “PERRY THE PLATYPUS!???” thing. i used it in here, it’s a really small part and probably missable but i tried!! also i like the next chapter better than this one, i just wanted to put this here so it doesn’t seem abrupt <3333

here’s

my ko-fi

if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

Bucky can’t stop staring at the mirror.

He wishes it was for narcissistic purposes. He had enough reason for it to be. His age may be a hundred but he had the youthful exuberance of a very drained sixty year old.

But no, it wasn’t because of the steel cut jawline or thousand gigawatt smile.

After last week’s mini-spiral, he does what almost half the videos on TikTok warn him not to do.

He got a haircut.

Everyone’s reaction stopped him from following it up with an ear piercing, but he can’t confidently say he didn’t at least consider it once. Maybe a neck tattoo.

He pulls at a lock of hair. It’s not even longer than his finger.

What did he do-

“It’s just a haircut, man,” he says to no one in particular, almost like he’s trying to reassure himself.

He runs his hands through his hair. It takes lesser time than he was used to.

Steve had told him he looked good. But then again, Steve wore a fugly costume 90% of the time, what did he know?

Clint acknowledged it and didn’t outright call him ugly, which he supposed was a compliment. Wanda simply smiled at him.

“FRIDAY?” he reaches out.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?” comes the automated reply.

“How are you?” It took him some getting used to her, given that she was constantly listening to everything, and in general seemed to go against the universal idea of privacy.

But his therapist told him he needed to form friendships.

She didn’t mention it had to be human ones.

“As good as ever. Is there anything I can help you with?”

He wants to ask her what she thinks of his hair until he realises fashion advice from a faceless AI is a new low for him. Maybe ‘Do you think I should crawl into a pit and die?’ would be more appropriate.

“Never mind,” he dismisses instead. “Any messages for today?”

“A reminder to buy a harder bed because you can’t keep sleeping on the floor.” Ah, that was on Sam’s recommendation three months ago, but he wasn’t going to stop any time soon. “And a text from a contact named Nuisance saying to meet them at the attached location in thirty minutes.”

“Where is the location?”

“The local sports centre.”

“Isn’t that closed today?”

If he had to go out in public looking like this, maybe he could wear a cap and sunglasses and no one would recognise him. Unfortunately, as he was reminded several times before by anyone with an iota of common sense, it was a stupid disguise.

Beanie it was, then. Bare minimum.

“It is, yes.” Fewer citizens to worry about.

“Okay.” He hesitates in front of the mirror again, adjusting the hat on his head. “Thank you, FRIDAY.”

“You’re welcome, Sergeant.”

He stares at the little tuft of hair at the front that refused to stay down no matter how much he shoved it back.

“Come on, man,” he exhales in slight despair. “Whatever.”

____

The lock of the door leading to the pool is easy enough to pick. He can see how you got in without a hitch even though it was closed.

The deck around the pool was absolutely drenched in water. No one was using it, there was no reason for water to splash out unless it was deliberately kept like this.

He catches sight of you easily, being that you’re the only two people there. You were standing at the end of the hall, head ducked as you scrolled through your phone.

The door closes behind him with a soft thud.

You don’t look up from your mobile when you start talking, “What do you think 6 year olds like?”

Because James Barnes, carbon dated to 1917 and therefore certified young person, would definitely know the answer to this question.

“I don’t know. Lego?”

“Just how much money do you think a teacher makes-”

You stopped mid-sentence, finally lifting your head to catch his eye. He stares back at you, steps faltering when you don’t move.

"Who are you?" you squinted.

What

"It's me," Bucky says, tugging off the dumb beanie and using it to gesture vaguely towards himself. Fuck, he shouldn’t have worn it, it was ridiculous anyway-

"You sound like him..." You narrow your eyes. “You don't look like him.”

Great

He rolls his eyes before putting on a mock scowl. Can't have Bucky Barnes without a sense of eternal disgruntlement.

"Oh hey, that is you." You grin. "You got a haircut."

“I did.” He suddenly feels the awkwardness increase. His fingers fidget with the beanie.

“Nice.” You nod in acknowledgement.

He wants to hit himself at the words that just spill out before he could think about it. “You hate it.”

“I never said that,” you snort. “And since when does my opinion matter?”

“It doesn’t.” But now he wants to know what you think since he didn’t trust anyone else to tell him honestly.

“Must cut down on time in the shower, huh?”

It did.

He shrugs. He shoves the beanie into his back pocket.

“Was it a crisis haircut?” How did you kno- “Are you going to get bangs next time?”

“Shut up,” he says lamely, a dull burn in his cheeks.

“I know a place where you can get hair dye for cheap. Not technically FDA approved, but I think purple streaks are a good place to start-”

“What are we doing here?” he interrupts, sighing.

“Skinny dipping. Take off your shirt, Barnes.”

“Funny,” he says dryly, eyeing your shoes when you straighten up.

Ice skates.

“Fine, pants then.” You don’t make any effort to move from your end so he does, walking closer to you.

“What are those for?” He doesn’t hide the annoyance from his voice when he points at your feet.

“Oh, these?” You look down at them. “Yeah, I’m going to freeze the pool.”

That seems... mild compared to the shit show you wanted to do last time.

“For?” He halts where he is.

“’M gonna take my friends ice skating.”

“Is that all?” He wants to make a comment about the fact that you have friends but bites it back.

“Today is just a trial run. Tomorrow I’m gonna go freeze the East River.” There it is.

“The East River is not your personal ice skating rink.”

“Not yet it isn’t.” You lift up a middle finger.

It was too early for you to flip him off, even by your standards.

He raises an eyebrow.

Your face scrunches in confusion. You follow his gaze to your finger. “Oh yeah, no, that’s a freeze ring.”

Only then he notices a ring around the finger. From where he was standing he could make out the blue stone that adorned it.

“Joy.” He rolls up the sleeves of his black bomber jacket. “Let’s get this done with, then.”

“No no, wait.” You hold up your hand and he complies, having nothing to lose anyway. You pull out your phone and press a few buttons before shoving it back into your bag and tossing it aside.

The soft sounds of a piano start playing from a boombox near the corner of the room. A child starts singing following a series of knocks.

His eyebrows furrow. “What the fuck is this?”

“The Frozen soundtrack.” You beam at him. “I thought it was fitting.”

He doesn’t know what that is and at this point, he’s too afraid to ask. He can vaguely make out the lyrics being about a snowman but he isn’t too concerned.

He takes one step forward. You immediately point your fist at the ground in front of him, forcing him to jump back when a blast hits right in front of his shoes. Suddenly he gets why the floor is covered in water.

It sounds like a series of cracks as the water starts freezing over, a layer of ice now separating him and you.

"You ready?” The mischief was woven in your voice as the blasts continued throughout the deck, effectively turning the entire floor into ice.

Bucky takes a step tentatively forward. Not bad. He takes another. Okay.

The third one is when shit starts to hit the fan. His hands shoot out to hold onto his balance when his footing slips from beneath him.

His Nike sneakers aren’t used to snow. They’re used to well manicured lawns and pavement trips to Starbucks and marble floors of the compound. Not swimming pool decks covered in ice.

He can hear you singing in the distance and every time he looks up you’re a little further away, making sure every inch of space is frozen.

It takes him a while to get over the initial fear of breaking his skull and just move forward swiftly with short steps. A goddamn penguin is what he looked like.

“There you go, you’re getting it,” you chirp as you whiz past him. He reaches out to grab at you, only to miss by an inch. He staggers, arms flapping wildly to regain his stability.

He hears crackling beside him. He gets a second or two to watch ice crystals spread through the water before turning it completely solid. You step onto the now frozen pool, testing your weight with one leg before cautiously getting on.

A triumphant smile emerges on your face. “Awesome.”

He manages to press himself against the wall as a form of support.

There is no point to this whole thing. He knows this. It’s been well over 6 weeks and there is genuinely no point to this.

He realises it again when he moves from side to side, body erupting into a waddle.

Why is he doing this. He doesn’t get paid extra. He doesn’t get any kind of compensation. All he gets is more wisecracking geniuses, embarrassment and the mortifying ordeal of getting caught imitating a penguin.

The song changes to a woman singing about doing something for the first time, forcing him to pay attention to it. He hears something about ball room and balls and tunes right back out.

Bucky manages to find his way to the actual pool since that’s where you’re twirling around, opting to land on his mental arm in case things go wrong. He takes a sliding step forward, followed by another. Maybe he can do this.

“If a 200 pound super soldier can stand on this, I suppose it’s strong enough,” you muse, watching him slip and slide as he tries to invent makeshift ice skating.

Unfortunately, his method doesn’t have any brakes, so while he’s too busy trying to move forward, there’s no way to actually stop. He finds this out very soon when he almost launches himself off the edge of the pool.

Something yanks him backwards and back onto the ice.

“Honestly, this is utterly useless since you can’t really do anything but it’s the most fun I’ve had all week,” you admit when he goes sliding towards the middle, arms flailing.

“You had to pick fuckin’ ice of all things.” He thinks that maybe he’s getting a hang of this. He can definitely move faster than what he was doing like, 10 minutes ago. It’s not like you were going anywhere, anyway.

“I like to keep things spicy.”

He stays where he is to glare at you. You mouth the words to the song, watching his every move whenever it interested you.

Okay, change of plan; a temporary distraction till he figures out how to actually get the ring from you. He settles on skating towards the edge of the rink slowly, taking a step off, slipping almost immediately when his foot comes in contact with the deck.

“Where are you going?” you yell over the music initially but immediately break into song when it ends in a crescendo.

He takes a knee, lifting his metal arm up before driving it into the ground. It shatters magnificently, leaving small shards of ice at his disposal.

He picks up one of them, waiting for you to complete your dumb twirl. He takes aim, and-

“Ouch, what the fuck?” You stop your off key singing to rub your shoulder where the ice hit you.

He wordlessly picks up another piece to throw at you, hitting you squarely in the leg.

“Stop that!”

He may not be able to move as fast but he can definitely throw.

“Give me the ring,” he commands, stretching his arm behind his back before releasing another piece to hit your forearm.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” There’s nowhere you can skate to avoid his stupidly good marksmanship.

“You gotta do what you gotta do.” He shrugs, breaking another patch of ice to replenish his ammo. “Hand over the ring.”

“Over my dead body,” you shriek when a particularly big piece lands next to your feet. You knew he missed that shot on purpose.

“I feel like I’m finally acting my age,” he says casually, finding your darting about in order to avoid him more fun than he initially thought. “Can’t throw pebbles at meddling kids so this is the next best option. Thanks.”

“If you acted your age you’d be in a casket, Barnes,” you hissed, finding that skating in zig zags helped your cause, but not by much. “I’d be- you bitch- I’d be more than happy to help you get there.”

You raise your arm, ready to send another blast to freeze the water that was starting to melt around him, hopefully, keep him where he was if it froze around him.

He flinches. You notice immediately, hand dropping slightly when you realise what it looked like.

“I’m not gonna freeze you,” you say, softer than you intended. From what you knew, he had enough and more experience with that and you weren’t going to contribute to it.

He swallows thickly, giving himself a little shake of his head as if to jolt him out of his train of thought.

Another piece of ice hits you in the leg. You let out a string of curses at him.

“The more ice you make, the more I have to throw at you, Y/N.” He waits for you to regain your balance when you nearly take a stumble.

“Shut up, you’re so immature.”

“Remind me whose plan this was again?” No point waiting for you to regain your balance when you fall over only a few seconds later.

He gathers a few shards in his beanie, tucking it into his belt like a little makeshift rucksack just in case before venturing out on the main rink again.

It’s more difficult for you to stand without railings to guide you, giving him enough and more time to make his way towards you, staggering and skidding.

Both of you looked ridiculous.

“Stay away, fiend.”

“Ring first.” He holds his hand out in front of you. He even considered pulling you up if you just made things easier.

Next thing he knows he’s on his ass on the ice beside you.

“I hate you,” he groans, watching as you inch away from him on your knees.

He doesn’t really have any other options so he shoves aside the humiliation and gets on his knees, using his arms to drag him along the ice.

“For the love of Christ, none of us are winning here. Just give me the ring.”

The bitch from the soundtrack sings about letting it go but he won’t.

“Never,” you shout, sliding away from him as fast as possible.

You make use of the fact that the top layer of ice is starting to melt, using the ring to freeze it again. His knees and fingers get stuck as the water freezes over but he has super strength. It barely takes him a second to free himself.

“Great,” he huffs, just settling down on the ice, ignoring the sting of cold that was spreading through his limbs. Running after you wasn’t going to work; he needed a way to get the ring.

“You won last time, I’m not letting you win again.”

“Are we seriously keeping score?” He watches as you scramble towards the edge.

“No one likes a loser, Bucky.” You use the pool stair railings to pull yourself up.

“Explain why you have friends then.” He can’t help himself this time.

“Hardy har har.” You roll your eyes.

He doesn’t make an effort to move. Instead, when you take a step back into the rink, he raises his arm and pummels it into the ice, just to annoy you.

The ground damn near shakes, pushing you dangerously towards losing your balance again.

“Are you crazy?” Your arm shoots out in front of you to keep you from falling headfirst.

“No.” He does it again. This time there’s a crack in the ice. “I’m just very tired.”

“If the ice breaks we’re both gonna be underwater, you moron!”

“Fine by me.” He shrugs. “Freeze it again. I’ll just find different ways to ruin it for you.”

You glare at him. He raises his arm above his head again.

“Fine! Fine, stop.” You eye him as he lowers his arm.

He reaches for his stash of ice pieces from earlier, throwing one at your shoulder again.

“Boy, I swear if you don’t stop doing that-” you duck when another one comes at you. You had no idea he could be this annoying.

It suddenly hits him, like a lightbulb going off in his brain. He wipes his hands off on his jacket, getting on all fours before slowly managing to pick himself up again.

He looks at you, tilting his head slightly like he was studying you.

“What?” you ask suspiciously, eyeing as he starts inching closer towards you. “What are you thinking?”

It’s like watching a newborn deer stumble its way through the world, albeit more gracefully, until he starts picking up speed. The motherfucker was going to mow you down.

The skates are useful but not so much when an extremely determined bumbling oaf is barrelling towards you, his speed beginning to match yours even without equipment.

You don’t know why you’re running, you don’t know why he’s chasing after you but when you see the end of the pool you take a sharp left only to have him knock right into you, sending you both sprawling.

You land half on top of him, breaking your fall but it doesn’t stop the very loud groan that escapes your mouth. He’s already in the process of sitting up straight, giving you less time to analyse what just happened.

“What the fuck was that for?” you speak through gritted teeth. “Fuckin’ acting like the both of us have free healthcare.”

“You refused to give up.”

“So your plan was to tackle me like a quarterback?” You threw your hands up.

“One part of it.” He drags himself to the edge, away from you.

“There's more to your monkey brained plan?” He doesn’t look at you. The ice around the pool has more or less melted, letting him gain proper footing on the floor before he stands up.

“Oh, yeah.” He turns to you. “The other’s a trick I stole from Stark.”

Bucky holds up the ring. Your jaw slightly drops, eyes searching your finger for the now missing piece of tech.

“Suppose that’s two points for me?”

You’re impressed. You also want to stab him. So you do the next best thing.

“When I imagined you holding a ring in front of me, the circumstances were very different,” you comment.

“Bye, Y/N.” He spins on his heel, not even giving you a second’s worth of reaction. You found it amusing.

He heads towards the door, clothes all wet. He empties out melted ice water from his beanie before stuffing it into his pocket. Just when he’s about to leave, you remember something.

Do you mean it genuinely or just because it has an effect on him?

“Just for the record, Barnes, about your hair-” you call out, earning his attention from over his shoulder. “I think you look really good either way.”

The world may never know.

You swear you can see the corners of his lips quirk upwards before he turns around again.

He slips on a block of ice, cursing and clenching on to the door to keep him upright, quickly yanking it open and leaving before he has a chance to embarrass himself further.

Smooth.

Next part

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #harmless fic #winter soldier x reader #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes #bucky

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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

Text

Always

Summary: You overhear Steve talking to Bucky about going back to be with Peggy. Rather than confronting the situation, you write him a letter.

Warnings: I cried just thinking about writing this, so much angst, some swearing

Word Count: 3305

a/n: here it is folks: the sad fic I mentioned a few posts ago. Inspired by a multitude of songs from the album Ashlyn by Ashe. I high key recommend listening to that album while you read or just in general. I'm pretending like nobody died in Endgame because that shit is sad and I know this is sad aside from that, but I still have a heart ya know?

Per usual, any song lyrics (or song lyrics that I changed a bit) are in bold! I think used lyrics from Me Without You, Save Myself, I'm Fine, Love is Not Enough, and Always.

Masterlist

"You'd really want to go back?" You overheard Bucky right before you walked into Steve's room.

"I don't know." He let out a deep sigh. "I mean, I do know, but what do you think?" Steve's answer left you wondering what they were discussing.

"All for Peggy?" Your heart stopped waiting for Steve to reply.

Another sigh escaped his lips. You could easily picture him running his hands down his face, a signal he was deep in thought. "I mean, I never got a chance to see what would happen with her. Don't you think she deserves this much?"

You felt frozen. You couldn't hear the rest of Steve's answer or Bucky's reply over the sound of blood rushing through your ears.

It was all too much to handle. Rather than confront the grab bag of emotions swimming inside of you, you turned around and went back to your room in a zombie like haze.

"Friday, don't let anyone in my room."

You know the AI replied, but you were still too caught up in thought to understand it. Your mind was full of questions you knew you couldn't figure out the answers to alone.

Why would Steve want to go back for Peggy when he had you? Why would he even consider it if he loved you like he said he does? Is he still in love with Peggy? Has he been in love with her the whole time? Why would he choose her when he's spent so much more time with you?

"Y/N?" The sound of Steve's voice outside your door startled you. "Y/N, honey, are you in there?"

You could hear the doorknob rattling in his attempt to open it, but Friday was doing as you asked.

"I thought you were going to meet me downstairs?"

His words only broke your heart more, a small sniffle escaping despite your efforts to remain quiet.

"Are you not feeling well? What's wrong?"

His questions were left unanswered, much like the questions swimming around your head.

Steve kept talking to you through the door for a while, but you never replied. You weren't ready to face him, not until you knew you wouldn't say something you'd later regret.

The next few days carried on much the same. You refused to leave your room, relying on various snacks and protein bars you had for food. Every few hours, you would try to write down what you were feeling, but it didn't help calm you down the same way it typically did.

Everyone tried talking to you, but nothing worked. Steve spent hours outside your door every day in an effort to get you to talk to him, but you just couldn't figure out your emotions. It was all still too much to handle.

Late one night, Steve said something that forced you into action.

"Y/N, I don't know what happened, but if I did something I'm truly sorry. I'm returning the stones tomorrow. We've never not said goodbye before a mission... I just hope this one is the same."

You listened as he quietly walked back down the hallway, steps slowly receding until you were left in the same absolute silence you've spent the last few days.

You knew you had to talk to him, but hearing him say to your face that he's staying with Peggy would kill you.

You couldn't survive a permanent goodbye, not in your current state of mind.

After a few minutes of silent contemplation, you decided to write Steve a letter. Maybe you'd give it to him or maybe it would just help you organize your thoughts. Either way, it would be helpful to write to someone for a change.

Hi Steve,

I, well, I guess I'll start with this. You deserve an apology. I'm truly sorry for ignoring you for the past few days. I just... I heard what you said to Bucky and I didn't know how to deal with it.

You know I've never been the best at controlling my emotions, so I just holed myself up in here. I avoided you so I could figure out my own feelings first.

I know I should talk to you. You deserve that too, but I don't think I could survive the heartbreak. I guess I'll try to explain everything I've been thinking and feeling since that night.

Honestly, I'm not sure where to start. It feels kind of stupid to say, but I obviously experienced a range of emotions when I first heard you and Bucky talking about going back.

You know I've always found solace in writing, so that's what I'm doing. I needed a way to clear my thoughts, and it turned into this concoction of thoughts and some poems - you know how I feel about poems. (Look at that! A sarcastic comment! I didn't think I was capable of humor anymore.)

This might not surprise you, but the first emotion I clung to was anger. I'm not angry anymore, well at least not as angry. Anyway, I wrote this next part when I was absolutely pissed at you.

What the fuck?

You want to go back in time and stay there?

You want to leave me behind?

Steve, what the fuck is wrong with you?

I could keep you here. If I really wanted to, I could figure out a way to do it. I could cut the brakes just to keep you from leaving. I'll do it too. My hands on the wheel would drive us into a wall.

You must think I'm being petty. Hiding in my room like a child to avoid you. All the while, here I am writing all the things I could do to keep you. Well, news flash: I don't need you. You made me think the only world I could exist in, was one you lived in, almost had me fooled.

Here's something you probably never considered, because I sure as shit never thought I'd even need to. I can be me without you. I don't have to rely on you for my own happiness. I thought you loved me, but if you want to go back and be with Peggy, do it. Go find yourself, let me down.

It's easy to sit here now and look back on how everything we had would always be second string to your relationship with her. God damn hindsight's 2020.

I want you to know, you did this to me. You broke my heart. When I heard you say you wanted a chance to be with Peggy, it's like my whole world crumbled down around me.

Everything I thought I knew was ripped out from under me. You poured rain all over my sunny. Yeah, someday, this could all be funny, but right now it's absolute shit.

And maybe everything will work out the way it's meant to be, but honestly I couldn't give less of a shit about that right now.

If I had the chance, I would take it back. Everything. Meeting you. Becoming friends. Dating you. Falling in love. I'd be jumping off your sinking ship, instead of going down with it.

It'd be so much easier that way. If I never fucking knew you.

One day I'll be good. I'll be over all of this bullshit. Right now I'm just mad. And you know what, it's justifiable. I think I'm allowed to be mad at you.

I'm over being so mature. If only I was never yours. Maybe I'll go back in time and undo it all. Then at least I could save myself from you.

Like I said, I wrote that in the heat of the moment. Once my brain caught up to my ears, all I saw was red. Anger didn't last as long as you might think though.

All that was how I felt in the moment, but I want you to know it's not true. I don't really believe any of it. I was hurt and angry and avoiding the pain I knew was just around the corner.

I've always told you anger would be my downfall because I just can't control what I say.

Let me be completely clear, I would never want to undo meeting you. You've been the best part of my life for years. I need you to know that I don't regret any of it and I never will.

Anyway, the anger shifted to tears pretty quickly. It wasn't hard to feel the pain that comes with someone you love leaving you. I can't honestly picture a world where I don't love you.

This is the first poem I wrote. With tear blurring my vision, I put pen to paper and this is what came out.

Complicated. Understated. On the way to, Devastated. I'm just holding on for dear life.

Short and sweet, right? Well, not so much sweet, but you get the point. I feel broken. Here's another bit of poetry for ya.

Right now I'm sorry, Burns through me darling, But I can't help hope In thirty years it won't.

Maybe I just need time. That's what everyone always says. "Time can heal all wounds."

It's hard to even think about moving on though when everything reminds me of you. I've got emotional souvenirs from fleeting moments we spent together. If this is the end, I'll always know you were my golden years. I know in the future I could close my eyes and go back there.

Maybe that's the hardest part. Knowing I'll always have these memories.

All I've been thinking about for the past three days is if this will ever feel better. And maybe it will, when time has passed.

Maybe when I'm older, I'll run out of stories about you. Maybe when I'm older, I'll know what it's like not to love you, Anymore.

Despite my best efforts, it's still only a maybe. Maybe when I'm older I'll be able to stop thinking about you every second of the day. Maybe when I'm older I won't feel like crying everytime I see your face.

But maybe not. Maybe I'll always feel this way.

Maybe when I'm six feet, underneath the concrete, I'll know what it's like not to want you, anymore.

I'm not saying all this to make you feel guilty. You don't need to tell me you're sorry. I know you are. I know you would never hurt me like this without a reason.

I should just talk to you, but I don't think I can. Not yet. We don't need to talk til we're ready. Both of us.

I guess I do have one question. Do you really love me?

I don't think I want to know the answer right now. Because even if you do... it takes a lot more than a rose, more than a kiss, more than a heart to truly love someone and spend forever with them.

It takes a lot more than a ring, more than a vow, more than a promise to build and maintain a relationship.

Love is not enough. I know that now. Even if you love me to the best of your abilities, you could still love Peggy more. Love may not be enough for us, but at least we got that much.

If you leave, I'll live the rest of my life grateful that at least I got your touch for as long as I did.

I used to think we could take our sweet time, that everything would be just fine. But now I know maybe not.

I cried for days. Like I said, I'm not writing this to make you feel guilty though. I just want to be completely honest. I cried a lot, probably more than I ever have before.

I kept replaying memories of time I spent with you. Not even dates, just the small moments that made me know I love you.

Like that day I woke up too early, almost put salt in my coffee. Oh I thank God that you stopped me before that.

I've never been a morning person, but ever since I met you you've always been there to keep my head on straight.

I think the thing I love most about you is how you can read me better than anyone I've ever known. I can hide from everyone else and they won't bat an eye. They never can tell when I'm falling apart on the inside.

No matter how hard I try to hide it though, you don't believe me when I say I'm alright. You can always, always tell.

It's like you've got a sixth sense that tells you I need you when I try to say I'm fine.

Before I met you, I would get so lonely everyday. Now I'm only lonely until you ask if I'm okay and then I remember that I have people who are there for me. I have you.

All this to say, I love you, Steve. I love you more than I've ever loved another human being.

Forever yours,

Y/N

It took you nearly all night to write a coherent letter and come up with a plan to talk to Steve. A quick glance at the clock let you know Steve would be up any minute, so you had to act fast.

You opened your door for the first time in days, running in a full sprint to the stairs and down the hall to Steve's door.

With one final burst of courage, you shoved the letter under the door and ran away before anyone could find you out of your room.

"Y/N?" A familiar knock on your door woke you from a restless sleep. "I read your letter, Y/N please let me explain."

It felt like time slowed down as you stared at the door.

"Y/N, I have to bring the stones back, but I really want to talk to you first."

"Come in." You steadied yourself with a deep breath, but one look at Steve ruined your flimsy resolve.

"Y/N... I tried to wait for you to come to me, but..."

He stopped talking when you shook your head, a painful sob forming in your chest.

"I've been thinking a lot." You started slowly, voice scratchy from days of not being used except to cry. "What if staying with me isn't the best thing to keep you happy?"

"Y/N, I-"

"Please let me finish." You waited for him to acknowledge your words before you spoke again.

"If letting you go is the best way to show that I love you, I will." Tears poured down your cheeks, breaths coming to you shakily.

"Captain Rogers, your presence is requested in the backyard." Friday's voice echoed through the room.

Steve looked more torn than you've ever seen him.

"Let's go." You nodded toward the door. "I've got more to say, but you've got somewhere to be."

Slowly, the two of you walked down the hall and entered the elevator.

"I don't know if you'll ever come back-"

"Y/N, really just let me-"

"Steve, please." You begged him to let you get it all out. "I won't ask 'cause that's selfish."

"It's not." He cut in again.

"It is. You deserve to be as happy as possible." With a slow, shaky breath you continued your speech. "I've come to terms I might never feel whole again."

The elevator doors slid open. You followed Steve to the yard where they set up the time machine.

"I'll be broken when you're gone, but I won't hold you back if it's wrong."

"Steve, there you are! Let's go-"

"In a minute, Sam." Steve's eyes never left you, remaining soft and caring. "We can go back inside if you want." He ran his thumbs over your cheeks, ridding them of tears only to be instantly replaced. You've always hated crying in front of people.

"I don't care what people say." You shook your head, ignoring the potential pitying looks you could receive for crying in front of others. Another deep breath, and you continued. "You know I won't force you to stay."

It was your turn to wipe tears from Steve's face.

"If you leave, I'll be okay. Just promise that you won't forget me babe."

"I could never-" He cut in again only to stop when you gave him a pleading look.

"I understand if leaving is what you have to do. I don't want you to go, but I'll be okay, eventually." You let out a watery chuckle, wiping your eyes again.

"Y/N, I never meant for-"

"Steve, you ready?" Sam interrupted again.

"It's fine. You can go." You did your best to hold back any lingering tears. You had to physically turn Steve around yourself and push him towards the machine.

"Y/N, please, I can't-"

"Steve, they're waiting for you. It's okay, I promise." He finally started to walk away only to pause when you called out one more thing. "Oh, Steve?"

"Yeah?" He wore a solemn smile.

"I'll love you always."

You watched as he listened to Banner's instructions and bid farewell to Sam and Bucky. The bitter part of you wondered if Sam knew.

A strangled sob left your mouth as soon as Steve disappeared. All three men standing around the machine looked your way, Sam and Bucky running toward you to help.

"He should be back any second. It's fine!" Sam desperately tried to console you, but you knew it wouldn't work.

"Y/N. Y/N! Listen to me. Did Steve talk to you?" Bucky asked, ignoring Sam's bewildered expression.

You nodded pitifully.

"Did he explain-" You cut him off.

"He- he didn't ha-have time.: You stuttered as you tried desperately to gulp in air through the tears. "I did most of the talking. I needed him to know it was okay."

"To know what was okay?" Sam asked, still clearly confused.

The thought of explaining it only broke you down more. You would have fallen to the ground if not for Bucky catching you. Your body leaned into his.

"Doll..." Bucky shook his head. "You should have let him explain."

You choked on another sob just thinking about it.

"Shh, it's okay. You'll be okay." Bucky whispered in your ear, ignoring Sam's confused glares.

"Y/N..." The sound of Steve's voice echoed in your ears causing another painful sob to jolt through your body.

"Baby, please look at me."

You genuinely thought you were hallucinating when you opened your eyes to see Steve towering over you.

"Steve?" Your voice was barely a whisper.

"It's me, I'm here." He gently took you from Bucky's arms, cradling you close to him but leaning his head far enough away for you to look into your eyes.

"You came back..." Your tears slowed, gently falling down your cheeks as you stared at him wide-eyed.

"I was never planning to leave." He spoke while gently stroking your hair.

"B-but, you were talking to Bucky about going back?" Your tears gave way to confusion as you glanced between him and Bucky.

"Just to say goodbye." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, breathing in your scent. "I just thought she deserved a real goodbye."

New tears pooled in your eyes as you took in his words. "So, you never wanted to leave me?"

"I could never, and would never, leave you. I love you so much. I just wish I knew why you were holed up in your room sooner." He smiled at you, the same adoring smile he gave you the first time you met.

"I love you too. Always." You leaned into his embrace, relishing in the touch you thought you'd lost forever. He whispered his reply, clinging to you just as much as you were to him.

"Always."

a/n: today I discovered I am truly incapable of writing a sad ending. I just like the idea of escaping to a reality where Steve would never abandon me.

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#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers angst #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fluff

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badassbuchanan · 3 years

Text

Be Mine?

REQUEST: Could you write something where the reader has never had a valentines so bucky goes all out to celebrate valentines day with her? Like she just feels so loved at the end of it? Thank you💖

Warnings: smut; unprotected sex, fluff, hand job, pussy rubbing, romantic

Word Count: 4884

A/N: I’m sorry, I tried but romance isn’t my strong suit - anyway, happy V day!

I tossed my hand carelessly through my freshly washed hair, trying to make it look somewhat decent as I made my way through the compound. “Meet me by the elevator at six.” That’s what Bucky’s text had said yesterday, and that was the first I’d heard from him since our conversation earlier in the week.

“If you don’t get a better offer by valentines day, we should just do something together.” Bucky suggested as he absentmindedly scrunched up his nose. We’d been chatting over a pot of tea in the kitchen after listening to all of our friends’ special plans for the upcoming romantic holiday. “Otherwise we’ll be the only two in the compound without a date.”

“I don’t really do valentines dates.” I shrugged matter-of-factly, my heart sinking as I felt a soft blush of pink cover my cheeks. Dates in general had always been a touchy subject with me, but especially valentines day dates. I’d never had one. Ever. In my life. And it was embarrassing for me to admit.

My comment didn’t get past the clever brain of the Winter Soldier, a soft frown of curiosity appearing on his chiseled face as he lifted his mug to his lips. “What do you mean, you don’t do valentines dates?” He emphasised the word ‘do’, blowing gently on the hot beverage before taking a sip.

His eyes were fixed on me, patiently awaiting my response as I felt my heartbeat speed up. “I just don’t.” I shrugged innocently under his stare, noticing the little frown lines which appeared on his forehead as he processed my answer.

“You think Y/N’s ever met a guy good enough to take her out on the most romantic day of the year?” Sam’s voice immediately had Bucky’s eyes rolling, turning his head to the side to watch the chuckling avenger stroll into the room. “You’re dreaming, cyborg. Even I wouldn’t try.”

“It’s not that!” I jumped to my own defence, not wanting Bucky to think that was the reason I’d turned him down, because it wasn’t. Bucky and I had been great friends ever since he’d arrived from Wakanda, we felt somewhat connected by the commonality of the enjoyable silence and peacefulness of being alone. Something which people like Sam would never understand. “I’ve just never had a date for valentines.”

Bucky was a selfless guy and I knew he’d only offered to spend his valentines day with me out of kindness. He was an extremely handsome super soldier with a charming personality and a heart of gold. He’d be able to get a valentines date with a beautiful girl with a blink of his eye.

“I guess I’ve never really felt strongly enough about anyone in that way.” I elaborated vaguely, looking between Bucky who was giving Sam a fed up look and Sam, who had grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and was happily leaving the room with a chuckle, knowing he’d done his job of winding Bucky up.

“It doesn't have to be a date.” Bucky pressed his lips together in a small smile, his voice softening as he looked over at me, his steel blue eyes shining bright. “We can just hang out like we usually do.”

I smiled over at him sweetly, thankful for his understanding nature. “Okay, sounds good.” I let out a soft chuckle as his smile widened at my answer, taking another sip of his drink as his heart skipped a beat.

I arrived at the meeting point right on time, deciding to wear a pair of distressed denim shorts with a floral top tucked into them after much deliberation. I was nervous. I didn’t know why, I’d hung out with Bucky hundreds of times before. But it was this damn day putting so much pressure on something as simple as two friends hanging out.

The compound was particularly quiet where the rest of the team had already left for their dates. The silence only made the loud beating of my heart more evident. Bucky still hadn’t shown up. He’d probably found himself a proper date for tonight and forgot to tell me.

“Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y, has Bucky left the compound recently?” I asked softly, fiddling with my hair as I prepared for a lonely night of movies.

“No, Miss Y/N. Sergeant Barnes is currently in the south living room.” The AI answered immediately, the response surprisingly me as I raised my eyebrows. The south living room was an extravagantly decorated room of the compound, hardly ever used other than for special occasions and honourable guest visits.

“Thank you, F.R.I.D.A.Y.” I spoke as I pressed the button for the elevator, my nerves calming a little as I tried to guess Bucky’s reasoning for being in that particular room. I stepped in the elevator, feeling the metal contraption move between floors. So maybe he hadn’t blown off our date - correction, ‘hang out’. Maybe he’d just forgotten where he’d arranged to meet me.

I stepped out of the elevator and wandered down the darkness of the hall, only illuminated by the soft light coming from the living area. I dragged my fingers along the cream coloured wall absentmindedly, the quiet sound of a song playing made me tilt my head questioningly. “Bucky!” I called out as I neared the entrance to where the AI had informed me of Bucky’s whereabouts.

My breath got caught in my lungs as I turned into the doorway, my body completely still as I widened my eyes in shock.

“Bucky, what’s all this?” I whispered softly, my heartbeat speeding up as I looked in at the busy super soldier standing in front of me.

“Crap, is it six already?” Bucky mumbled to himself as he rushed to light the candle in his hand, placing it carefully on the coffee table. He looked up at me with an innocent smile as he shoved the lighter into his back pocket.

He was standing near the roaring fireplace, the floor almost fully engulfed in rose petals. He’d strategically placed candles and flowers on the mantlepiece and the coffee table, a rug thrown down of the floor with pillows and a bottle of champagne ready for us to indulge.

“Y/N, please don’t be mad.” Bucky begged as he saw the stunned look on my face. I tried to process what was going on, why he’d put all this effort in, but instead, I just stood there speechless. “I know you said you didn't want this to be a date but I just-” “Bucky, it’s beautiful.” I spoke with eyes full of tears, my hands shaking slightly as I stepped further into the room. I’d only ever seen such a romantic gesture in movies, I’d never in a million years expected that one day it would happen to me.

Bucky watched intensely as I walked towards him, his eyes softening into a smile as he realised I wasn’t upset with him. He sighed out in relief, holding his hand out to tug me close to him as I continued to admire the gorgeous set up he’d put together.

“You said you’d never had a date for valentines day,” He spoke deeply, shaking his leg nervously as his eyes stayed glued on me. His hand kept hold of mine as I looked up at him, attentively listening to his words. “Well neither have I.”

“Are you telling me that Sergeant James Buchnanan Barnes, even back in the roaring forties, never had a valentine?” I gasped in a playful tone, although I truthfully was surprised to hear his confession. Bucky was a catch, I would’ve thought he’d have been spoilt for choice back in his youth.

He rolled his eyes with a chuckle, reciprocating my gaze as his fingers absentmindedly massaged my palm. “Well at least I didn’t say I’d never had a date because I’d never found anyone good enough!” He raised his eyebrows accusingly, his lips falling into a sassy pout.

“That was Wilson!” I reminded Bucky with a tilt of my head, a small smile playing on my lips as his gorgeous eyes bored into mine. I felt myself get carried away in the moment, tugging him slightly closer as I admired him.

“I made us some chocolate covered strawberries.” He mumbled shyly, a proud smile on his face as his eyes flickered down to my lips absentmindedly.

“You really thought of everything, didn’t you?” I sighed out contently, walking passed him to sit down on the rug. I crossed my legs and looked up at Bucky who followed my lead, sitting down on the soft material next to me.

I watched carefully as he leaned over to grab the flute glasses in his metal hand, his other grabbing the bottle which he sat between his thick thighs. Bucky’s arms tensed as he pulled the cork out with a pop, the soft music still playing in the background filled the silence.

My heart fluttered as I gazed over admiringly, my fingers fiddling nervously with the blanket beneath us. Bucky’s brows furrowed as he focused on pouring the liquid into the glasses without it spilling over the top.

I smiled maybe a little too widely, catching Bucky’s attention as he looked over at me innocently. “What?” He chuckled with a charming smile, placing the bottle down carefully away from where we sat.

“Nothing,” I smiled back at him, too lost in the bliss of the moment to stop and think things through. I could feel myself falling for him, fast. The vulnerability of it worried me, but Bucky made feel safe. “You just get these cute little lines here when you frown.” I spoke sweetly, lifting my hand to touch between his brows delicately.

Bucky smiled as he watched me, entertained by the mesmerised look on my face. “I think you’re the only person in the world that thinks frown lines are cute.” He chuckled softly, leaning over to hand me a glass of champagne.

“I don't think frown lines in general are cute.” I corrected him, rolling my eyes with a cock of my eyebrow, our fingers brushing slightly as I took the glass from his hand.

“Oh, so you just think they’re cute on me?” He smirked teasingly, watching my face blush pink as he caught me out. He lifted his glass to his lips, sitting closer to me now from where he’d handed me the glass of champagne.

“Gosh, you really love making me blush, don’t you Barnes?” I sighed with a shy smile, sipping the fizzy alcohol as I watched Bucky’s smile widen. His eyes travelled up and down my body as I shuffled to sit with my legs sideways, leaning on my hand which moved me closer to him.

“Hey, can I tell you a secret?” Bucky’s voice dropped to a serious tone as his heart started beating a little harder. I detected a slight hesitation from him as he coughed shyly, his eyes glued on mine.

“Mmh hmm.” I nodded sweetly, my eyes softening as I tilted my head to the side, my finger circling around the rim of the glass as I anticipated his confession.

“When I originally suggested we do something for valentines,” He looked down at his lap nervously, a small smile of his lips as he thought carefully about his words. “I wanted to ask you, you know, not just because we were going to be the only two people without a date.”

Butterflies fluttered in my tummy as I shyly looked down into my lap, trying to hide the smile that had appeared on my face. “What was the real reason?” I asked curiously, my voice softening to match his.

“Well, because I think you’re the greatest girl in the whole world.” He answered deeply, his eyes flicking up to my face just for a moment as he smiled at how happy I looked. “You’re beautiful, smart, generous, accepting, funny.”

“Is this just another way of you getting me to blush again?” I cut him off, teasing him accusingly with a raise of my eyebrows. It broke the tension, Bucky scoffing softly as he took another sip of champagne.

“No, that time was an accident.” His ocean blue eyes caught mine as he responded, both of our hearts beating a little faster than usual at the new depths of our relationship we were exploring.

“You could’ve asked me, you know.” I spoke as I watched Bucky lean over to grab the chocolate covered strawberries he’d made from the table. He looked back at me as the plate lifted into his hand, waiting for me to clarify. “On a date. I would’ve said yes.”

“You would have?” Bucky’s eyes softened as he sat back down, strategically sitting so close that our arms brushed together. He offered me a strawberry after throwing one into his mouth, placing the plate and our champagne flutes safely on the marble base of the fireplace.

“Of course,” I nodded quickly as I ate the chocolate covered fruit, catching any of the excess juice with my tongue. “Bucky, you’re the most loving, kind, handsome, brave, loyal guy I’ve ever met.”

Bucky held his breath as he listened to me speak, the both of us feeling so loved in a world of so much pain. “You’re not scared of me?” His voice cracked slightly as he furrowed his brows into a frown.

I confirmed my answer with a shake of my head, my heart aching a little at the thought of him worrying about people being scared of him.

“I could never be scared of you.” I admitted softly as an intense moment started to build between us, which neither of us were able to control.

I felt the tension between us boil over, noticing Bucky’s eyes dropp to my lips as I instinctively leaned closer to him. I let my hot breath linger on him for a moment before I pressed our lips together.

Bucky’s metal hand immediately rose to cup my cheek, keeping me close as he kissed me back, the taste of strawberries on our lips. I felt butterflies in my tummy as his stubble scratched against my skin, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

I sighed out in satisfaction of his mouth on me, his kisses sweet and gentle as I pressed my palm flat against his solid chest. I felt his pecs move with the rhythm of his breathing, my cheeks flushing a light shade of pink as I felt myself wanting more from him.

He was touching me with such delicacy, as if he was scared he would break me. I shuffled forward as Bucky breathed into the kiss, his hand snaking around to grab the back of my head. He pulled me against his lips harder as my hand slid up to hold the side of his neck.

I parted my lips encouragingly, mimicking his action by tugging him closer by my hand on his neck. Bucky grunted softly into the kiss which was becoming needier with every second.

I whimpered into the kiss, our heads tilting as our lips collided. My palm held onto his strong jaw, his stubble scratching my hand as his metal fingers ran down the side of my body.

I sat up a little straighter which leaned me further into Bucky, the palm of his hand supporting me at my waist. I hummed contently between kisses, Bucky’s eyes falling to where my lips were moving to connect to his again.

I gave him a sultry look as I pulled back from his mouth teasingly, lightly tugging on the thin material of the white t-shirt he wore. Bucky immediately took the hint, removing his hands from me as he pulled the top over his head.

He shook his hair back into place as he threw the shirt carelessly next to him. I couldn’t help but stare at his body in amazement, running my fingers up to where his metal arm fused to his flesh.

Bucky’s lips pressed back onto mine, a small whimper escaping my lips as his tongue pushed its way into my mouth. I felt my wetness seap down onto my cotton panties, sliding my thigh to rest on top of his as he let his hand quickly move over my ass to grab the back of my thigh.

Bucky grunted softly as he tugged on my bare leg, the silky flesh under his metal palm had his cock stirring in his pants. I took the hint, shifting myself to sit straddling the super soldier’s lap.

It was as though all of our built up emotion had exploded in a moment, our touches getting riskier as we roamed each other’s bodies. I let Bucky’s bottom lip sit between mine, sucking on it slowly as his tongue ran over my top lip.

“Is this okay?” Bucky whispered against my lips, our chests heaving as I nodded in response. I closed my eyes when I felt Bucky’s lips travelling across my cheek, leaving little pecks in their path.

I massaged the back of his head, my fingers dug deep in his long hair. I let out a shaky breath as Bucky’s lips reached my jaw, his tongue wetting my skin with his open mouthed kisses.

I tilted my head to the side, granting him more access as my other hand clung to his strong bicep. His metal hand held the back of my neck, supporting me as my body gave in to the pleasure. His flesh hand tugged the hem of my top out of the shorts before letting his palm slide underneath the material.

Bucky groaned against my neck as his hand came into contact with my lacy bra, his kisses getting sloppier as they reached my collarbone. “Tell me to stop.” He huffed out as he tried to control himself, not wanting me to feel pressured into anything.

I shook my head softly as I turned my head to look at him through half closed eyes, overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure and love I felt. “I don’t want you to stop.” I whispered vulnerably, Bucky’s head lifting to look at me with his gorgeous blue eyes.

He leaned in to press his lips back against mine, a whimper escaping my lips as I rolled my hips down onto his. A groan erupted in his throat, his hand travelling back down my body as he gripped the material of my top in his hand.

I leaned back momentarily, balancing myself with my palms on his bare chest as I helped him lift my shirt off of my body.

Bucky panted as he took in my semi-naked body, his hands rubbing the start of my hips needily as he watched me let my top drop on the floor. I leaned my hands back behind my body, making quick work of undoing my bra to let my boobs bounce freely.

I could feel his hardened bulge pressing against the inside of my thigh, his eyes fixated on my tits as he moved his lips onto my chest. I whimpered softly as his hot mouth left wet kisses on my breasts, his tongue flicking over my hardened nipples.

Bucky’s hands hugged my body tightly, pulling me as close as he could as he sucked on my tits. I ran my hand through his soft hair, biting my lip as I closed my eyes in ecstasy.

Bucky’s metal palm slid down to my exposed lower back, holding me against him as he flipped us over. My back gently hit the blanket, Bucky’s large frame hovering above me as he moved his lips back up for another kiss.

My hands slid down his toned chest, over the chiseled abs of his stomach until I reached the button of his jeans. I tugged the waistband away from his skin gently, a little huff escaping his lips as I did so.

I broke the kiss to focus on what I was doing, Bucky’s head dropping into my neck as I popped open the button of his jeans. My head flew back, little moans escaping my lips as Bucky nipped at the base of my throat softly.

My fingers pulled open his zipper, my pussy clenching as I slid my hand into his underwear. My touch was greeted by his hard cock, heavy in my hand. Bucky huffed out softly, his eyes closing as I felt my way down to his balls.

I gasped softly at how big he felt, his lips kissing a strip up up the front of my throat and chin. His lips reconnected with mine as I circled his swollen tip with my thumb, smearing the leaking pre-cum.

I lubricated my hand as much as I could with his juices before wrapping my fingers around his shaft. I tugged on his member gently, feeling his whole body tense at the foreign feeling. I hummed into the kiss, my pussy aching with need as I imagined how he’d feel inside me.

Bucky moaned as my hand jerked him off, his hips bucking to meet my touch as he hovered above me. He kissed me with so much force that my head pressed hard against the floor, softened slightly by the blanket.

I felt his cock twitch in my hand, his hips jolting forward as he tried to control himself. Bucky lifted his flesh hand from the floor and moved it down between our bodies, his fingers tracing down my bare skin.

His eyes immediately dropped to look between our legs, he licked his lips as his fingers came into contact with my shorts. Bucky’s jaw clenched as I squeezed his cock tighter, keeping my eyes trained on his gorgeous face.

Bucky skilfully flicked open the button on my jeans, his lips dropping to kiss me as he snaked his hand beneath the material of my panties. I gasped as he cupped my mound, my wetness leaking down onto his palm.

My fingers dropped from around his cock, clinging to his bicep as he rubbed my pussy. My hips bucked up to meet his touch, needier than ever for his attention. I moaned into the kiss, my tongue flicking his as I arched my back off of the floor, feeling Bucky sit back from where I was.

I looked up at him innocently, all baffled and horny as I watched him hook his fingers into the waistband of my shorts. In one swift motion, but slid my shorts and panties down to my knees. I wiggled my legs, helping him get them off the rest of the way as he sat back on his knees.

“So beautiful.” Bucky mumbled as he looked down at my naked body, his cock standing proudly against his stomach. I bit my lip shyly a I sat up, my arousal dripping down onto the rug.

Bucky crawled closer to me, his flesh hand running up my bare thigh as his cock throbbed desperately for attention. I breathed shakily, my arms wrapping around his neck as he pushes the last of his clothing down his thick thighs before kicking them behind him.

He hovered over my body as I laid back down, now being cradled by the pillows he’d decorated the floor with. I could feel his big member against my thigh, trying to nudge its way into my warmth. I whimpered needily, bending my knees and pressing the heels of my feet against the blanket.

“Just let me know if this gets too mu-“ Bucky cut himself off with a moan, his nose crinkling in pleasure as he felt my hand wrap around his cock again.

I guided him to my entrance, encouragingly rubbing his throbbing tip into my wetness. My hand pulled away when I felt him pushing into me, filling me up with his big cock.

I let out a sensual moan of half pain and half pleasure as Bucky’s lips parted, a shaky breath escaping them as we felt my pussy clench around him.

My thighs clenched too, squeezing around his hips as his thick length slid out from where it was half sheathed inside of me. Bucky was going at a painfully slow rate, sliding his cock a little deeper into me with every thrust.

His lips dropped down onto mine, kissing me gently as he stretched my tight little pussy with his cock. The feeling of his thick length inside me made me dig my fingernails into the muscly flesh of his back.

I whimpered against his lips, my face screwing up in pleasure as he pulls his head back for a moment to admire me before crashing his lips on mine again.

I lifted my legs to wrap around his waist, my hips desperately bucking up to him in need. Bucky used his flesh hand to balance as his metal one ran up my leg, over my waist and up to my boob, squeezing it gently.

I cried out and arched my back into his touch, still in disbelief at how good he felt inside me. His cock filled me up again as he let out a grunt, breathing heavily as his body stilled.

Bucky moaned against my lips as he felt my pussy squeezing his cock, both of us lost in the overwhelming feeling of our bodies connecting. I pecked his lips over and over as he started rocking his hips back and forth slowly, making my tits bounce with every thrust.

His balls slapped against me, the sound filling the room as I let my mouth hang open. Our breaths met in a hot mix as Bucky squeezed his eyes shut in pleasure.

His hips jerked with each thrust, feeling himself rubbing against my walls as my pussy lips hugged his length. Bucky shuffled forward on his knees, deepening the thrusts as he picked up the pace.

I whimpered out softly, the new angle hitting all the right spots as my pussy welcomed his size, his cock soaked in my juices. “Bucky” I breathed shakily as I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly against me. Bucky’s head fell perfectly into my neck, his little grunts intensified in my ear now.

A shiver ran through my body as I inhaled his manly scent, overwhelmed by the emotion and euphoric feeling of the moment. I felt my pussy tingle with pleasure, already close to my high as Bucky fucked his cock into me.

I tugged on his hair lightly when I felt his lips on my neck again, both of his hands pressed into the blanket either side of my head as he nudged his hips forward, sending his cock deeper into me. Bucky moaned into my neck, his cock twitching inside of me as he became overwhelmed with the feeling.

Bucky stopped his thrusting with such a suddenness that my eyes opened, a worried look washing over my face. He panted breathlessly, gripping my hips and supporting my back as he picked me up, sitting back on his knees with me on top of him.

I let out a moan the new angle impairing me on his cock as my arms stayed clung tightly around him. Bucky groaned full of pleasure, kissing me slowly as he started thrusting up into me, using his new position to his advantage.

Waves of pleasure mercilessly washed over me, only being intensified by the way Bucky was watching me fuck himself on top of him. He leaned his head back to watch me, his hips lifting to meet my movements as his arms clung to my body.

His eyes were soft and full of lust, his lips dropped into a pout as he watched me whither on top of him, overwhelmed with pleasure. I moaned with as gasp as my orgasm suddenly took over, my body pulsating on him as I rode out my high.

I leaned forward and kissed him deeply, our tongues playing as he kept me in place despite how my hips were jolting at the throbbing of my clit. Bucky’s face dropped into my neck, his hot breath against my skin as I felt his warm cum spurting inside of me. I sighed out in satisfaction as Bucky grunts, wave after wave of cum filling me up.

He kept me close, our breathless bodies pushed together as we sat there in the afterglow of our orgasms. I’d never cum so hard in my life, the gentleness and love of Bucky’s actions had only topped the experience.

I turned my head and smiled lazily, kissing his swollen lips as my fingers ran through his hair. Bucky reacted by leaving soft pecks on lips over and over, his softening cock still buried inside of me.

“Y/N.” Bucky whispered softly, his breath still warm against my lips as his hooded eyes gazed into mine. “Will you be mine?”

“Your valentine?” I softly asked, holding him tightly as I thought about the coldness I would feel once his body retreated from mine.

“No, forever.” Bucky replied hopefully, making my heart stop as a wave of emotion flooded through my body.

“Forever’s good for me.” I smiled as my eyes filled with tears, nothing but love for the man in front of me as I connected our lips in a gentle kiss. The perfect end to the perfect day.

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no-brand-gays · 3 years

Text

okay here are my thoughts on and a very loose rating of the discographies of the major idol anime franchises (disclaimer that i haven’t listened to Every Single Song of any of these series and i’m

-love live: i think...i’d be biased in saying ll has the best idol franchise discography...but i don’t think it’d be a stretch to say that they pour a LOT into their music production. i do think there’s a lot of ll stuf that sounds the same and none of the full groups have a sound that differentiates them from each other but ll’s also good at mixing up sounds and concepts, so there’s no character or unit that’s really locked into just one style. i feel like ll prioritizes catchiness and energy a lot of the time so there aren’t many songs that aren’t fun to listen to, which i definitely think is one of the most important things in idol music. there aren’t even that many bombs which you’d think would mean they play it safe but i don’t think you can talk down the variety in the discography. aki hata is also a lyric writing god and i do think it’s saying something that even 10 years into the run as a series we’re still getting songs that sound new. you can tell when they’re being lazy but that’s a pretty uncommon situation and you’d be damned to find a ll song that isn’t at least fun to listen to. favs: mermaid festa vol 2, blueberry train, angelic angel, snow halation, ps no mukougawa, shoujo ijou, doki pipo emotion

-idolm@ster: before you come at me i want you to know that i have felt this way about idolm@ster’s discography for the last 7 years and my opinion Has gotten better over time but wow. so many idolm@ster songs are so boring. i think one thing you can really say abt love live is they’ve mastered the art of making OPs and EDs and group singles that all kinda sound the same but are still fun to listen to. i think what makes im@s discography good is that they’re not afraid to really jump into weird concepts for their more out-there characters. like what other franchise is delivering to us ai like hamburger. nobody. so those more unique songs are almost always hits but a lot of the generic idol pop songs feel pretty watered down and hard to get into. they do get that right pretty often too but bc their discography has gotten so huge over the years there’s a lot of filler. favs: kyun! vampire girl, do dai, s(mile)ing, romantic now (uzuki mix)

-aikatsu: honestly? i would place aikatsu’s discography at LEAST at 2nd place. they’ve gone through a lot of changes in producers in the last few reboots but there are sooooo many consistent hits and i feel like it gets written off for being a kids series when the music is honestly so top tier. aikatsu doesn’t do big group songs all that often and each season only comes w a few one-size-fits-all generic songs so most of the discography is tailored to one or two characters in particular which makes for some amazing variety. the fact that it’s for kids even means the songs are more catchy and energetic so even the ones that are kinda dumb stick in your head. i don’t know how much i can speak for these past few seasons but you can really feel the passion that went into most of the songs. the general sounds of aikatsu are clean and bright pop and emotional pop rock and theatrical ballads and genuinely i have no clue why the music alone hasn’t made it mega popular. there are definitely duds though, especially when it comes to songs that weren’t made to be performed. favs: diamond happy, koisuru mitai na caramelize, summer tears diary, hello new world, heart skip, dramatic girl

-pretty rhythm: kinda similar to im@s in that a lot of their music is kinda boring in its early 2000s idol sound but i’d honestly argue that pririzu does that sound better. like it all sounds very nostalgic and classic and gets this quality of timelessness from that. this is probably the franchise i’ve listened to the least though so i’m not the best authority on this. favs: you may dream, cherry picking days

-pripara: pripara is definitely an acquired taste and the franchise i’d be least likely to listen to with my friends in the room but the one thing you can’t deny is that the production is so crazy tight. pripara definitely gets most of its fame for how off the walls crazy it is and since that’s such a part of its identity i can’t fault it for how many songs are similarly whole hog wild but even though i never want to hear the omurice song again in my life pripara has continuously delivered hit after hit. their generic idol songs (like make it and dream parade) are some of the best in the genre and whatever subgenre they’re pursuing they never fail to bring the energy. i do think a lot of their out of the box songs (like the ones that are made for visual-based performances that aren’t really meant to be cohesive songs) are flops but the entire first season is made of 10/10s which is so crazy. the crazy concept songs usually hit too. favs: marble makeup a ha ha, zero week old, suki suki sensor, realize

-bandori: hot take but bandori has some stinkers. i don’t know why the first few months of bandori songs had so many flops (tokimeki experience...yes bang dream...that’s how i roll...) but i do think they’ve stepped up their game since then!! i think...as time has gone by bandori has become a franchise people really care abt and with it the content has gotten better too. like holy shit. NOW you can see how much the producers are putting their hearts into the music but it definitely took a little while (not that there weren’t good songs at the start too, shuwarin dreamin is one of my absolute favorites). i think it’s really impressive how much they’re found their footing w each band’s sound, they all really feel believable as artists, and it’s blown up so clearly they’re hitting it out of the park these days. favs: hidamari rhodonite, kimi ga inakucha, shuwarin dreamin

-bonus shoutout to zombieland saga bc the production is so all over the place. when they wanna write a good song holy shit do they write a good song but sometimes you get To My Dearest. which im still sort of baffled by. could the writers not figure out how to rewrite those 20-syllable lines to sound even half singable or

#i make fun of aikatsu's aurora princess for trying to cram 'omatase' into like a 1 second space #and to my dearest is like 'hold my beer (20 syllables in 3 seconds)'#also i didn't include wug bc i've only heard what's in the anime and every single song in the anime is an absolute 10/10 hit #but i didn't think it'd be fair to say '7 senses is the best idol song i've heard in a while and i know nothing else'#personal #that's all i have

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authoressofdarkness · 4 years

Text

Guide Me Safely To Shore

Only one thing ever made Tony Stark think twice about fulfilling his full potential. Two little words on the inside of his wrist, where his soulmark sits, ghostly, waiting for him to recognize his soulmate in some unredeemable way. He always knew he’d hurt them. But when he discovers his soulmate is none other than the feisty little Spiderling swinging around his streets, he realizes things are a lot worse than he ever could have thought.

Notes: So this just hit me in the middle of the night while reading fanfiction and avoiding hw the other night. I’ve got several ideas for it going forward, so this isn’t a one shot, but with midterms right around the corner I can promise nothing. Sorry. But I love you all and I’m hoping to get the next part out soon. <3 Enjoy, and I’d love to hear what you think!

This is unbetaed, so sorry for any mistakes.

Also, if anyone is interested, I realized while titling this that the song I took inspiration from is actually a lot more relevant to this story than I thought, and even more so the play itself. You can consider it the theme song for this story. The song is called “All That Matters,” from the Broadway cast of Finding Neverland. If you ever get the chance to see it, you most definitely should, or at least listen to the soundtrack. So listen to that if y’all get a chance, and do with that what you will.Okay, now enjoy! 💙

Only one thing in the world had made Tony think twice about fulfilling his full potential.

It wasn’t his friends. Or family — not that he really had any to speak of. Not his position at SI, not fear for his life, his work, his legacy, or anything of the sort.

It was the last thing someone would expect, honestly. Even for a man like Tony, an alpha with such power, who commanded such respect, had to have a soulmate. One he was expected to love, cherish, and yes, even a man like him craved that. He hadn’t met them yet, though, his soulmate, but the two words branding him, marking him with the words from his soulmate that will seal their bond, are there, have always been there, carefully hidden away from the public eye… and terrifying him in a deeper way than anything else could.

Please don’t.

Those two little words, branded onto his skin, reminding him every day of the horrors he may be wreaking on his soulmate without knowing it. There was no way to interpret them in a good light; and he knows that they mean, to some extent, he is going to hurt them.

And what’s worse, is that he hears them so often. People begging. It’s almost become part of his reason behind his cruel reputation — forcing people to beg, just to make them say it, just to make absolutely certain before he does something irreversible that it's not his soulmate he holds. Each time, he has to hold his breath, think about everything he’s ever done in that split second while he waits to see if hearing the words this time will change his life.

It’s the only thing that’s ever made him think twice about the things that he does. If there’s one person he doesn’t want to hurt, that he’d protect with his life at all costs, it’s his soulmate.

Yet he has no idea who it is, and the only thing he does know is he’s destined to fucking hurt them. Probably make them beg for their life before he realizes that they’re his soulmate. That he’s hurting his other half.

Most of the time he relishes the power, the fear and respect he gets from other people. But the idea of his soulmate being afraid of him just makes him sick to his stomach.

Tonight, the thoughts weigh heavy on his mind as he flies around the city in his suit.

In the years since he’s come to power — subtly, of course, then slowly less so — there had been little resistance from the masses. His influence is good for them, for the most part. It’s more peaceful than it’s been in years. Most people go about their lives business as usual. So long as they don’t challenge him.

Except there’s still a couple of people who challenge him.

The Avengers are, by far, the most pesky. But in recent times they’ve rather given up. There’s bigger problems in the rest of the world, still, and they can’t trick him or infiltrate him, can’t operate in secrecy the way they usually do. Tony is isolated — few friends, and none that would dare betray him, especially not after what happened to Obie. His company is firmly in his own hands, and his technology gives him virtually limitless access to information. He can see virtually anyone, anywhere, anytime he wants. There’s no way to hide from him. And what’s worse for them — he doesn’t try to hide what he’s doing. There’s nothing to expose when you’re honest from the start. He’s practically untouchable.

But… wait, did he say no way? That’s not… entirely true. He doesn’t know how, but someone has found a way around it.

Because there’s one person other than the Avengers that still bothers him.

Spider-Man.

He’d let him go for a while. It’s his own fault they’ve gotten so confident, if he’s being honest. Letting them run around and play vigilante. At first, they’d been a help, in truth — dragging in some of the street trash even he couldn’t control, and couldn’t be bothered to deal with personally. But then he’d started to get bolder. Bold enough to interfere with him. And while he couldn’t do any major damage, he sure was annoying.

Mostly because he was succeeding. In interrupting little things, at least. And, going back to his earlier thought, because he can’t fucking find him.

Whoever the guy is, he’s careful. Smart. Smart enough that Tony hasn’t been able to find basically any footage of him, anything to link Spider-Man with a normal persona. And he’s obviously just a normal person under the suit. He has to be. And there’s no way he lives in that thing all the time. Especially not with the way he’s avoided his detection so well.

He’s made all the harder to track by his erratic schedule. He can come out at night or during the day, every day for a month and not be seen again for a month the following days. The only consistency is that he tends to be out and about in the Queens borough. Even that is a wide enough area that he has a hard time using it to pin the man’s identity down. He’s narrowed it, certainly, but calculating the amount of people that could make it there every so many days, accounting for the inconsistent schedule and what it could mean, age, height, and hell, even gender — because really, all they would have to do is use a voice modulator and let people see what they wanted to for the rest — means that the number of suspects is still in the thousands.

Speaking of pinning the other man down…

He hopes to be able to do that tonight. He’s let the vigilante go unhindered for long enough. It was time for them to have a little talk. Preferably a short one. He’s tired and temperamental tonight. The day has been long, and all he really wants is someone to help bear the load, but… he can never be so vulnerable. Not with just anyone, particularly, and there’s no one he trusts around tonight. That’s part of the reason why he’d decided to come out and fly around.

That, and because he’d gotten a pretty reliable tip that Spider-Man was going to be out and about himself tonight. And they have some business to attend to.

He finds the vigilante, to his surprise, perched on the edge of the roof, legs swinging in the breeze, looking out over the city through his lense-covered eyes.

He descends from a distance, loudly enough there’s no way the other man doesn’t hear as he’s approaching. But he doesn’t move. In fact, Tony is surprised to hear it when he comes up behind him and he still hasn’t moved at all except to suddenly say, “I wondered how long it would take.”

“For what?” Tony can’t help himself; he bites, immediately, curious. Fascinated, he’d dare say. The confidence in his own abilities he must have to sound so calm, to stay put upon hearing him approach, is almost unbelievable. Either that, or he doubts his own ability to make a clean escape, and so didn’t bother. He’s not sure which option he prefers, but either way, this will be interesting.

“For you to come looking for me. Everything I’ve done to keep my identity a secret, I’m sure you’re dying to know by now.”

He says it so matter-of-fact, emotion undistinguishable in his voice. Tony tilts his head, unsure whether he should be impressed with his ability to sound so cool and self assured, or annoyed with the fact his assessment was correct.

It hardly matters. Part of the reason they had to have this chat in person was so that Tony could begin to work on figuring it out. The AI in his suit is no doubt already working on it. And he doesn’t sound like, for all his seeming self-assuredness, that he was smart enough to use a voice filter, so no doubt Jarvis is well on his way. Not that it would have stopped him, but it might have delayed the inevitable enough that he may actually have had a chance to escape this time before a verdict came in.

“I suppose you’ve got me there,” Tony finally says, after a long moment of deliberation. “I don’t suppose now that I’m here you’ll just tell me? I can go easier on you if you come quietly.”

Spider-Man lets out a bitter laugh and shakes his head. “Can. But you won’t. You could just let me go. But we both know you wouldn’t have come all the way out here just to do that.”

“Well you could go back to fighting low-level crime instead of infringing on my operations, couldn’t you?” Tony retorts. “And flattered as I am by your assessment of me-“ he can’t say much, as he’s not entirely wrong, “-I thought I’d at least give you a fair chance, first, before we go quite that far.”

“I don’t think your definition of fair chance and mine are the same.”

Tony ignores him, continuing on. “Go back to fighting your low level crime and having a good time and whatever else it is you do. Stop interfering with my operations. I’ll even give you my endorsement so the police won’t bother you.”

It’s a generous enough offer, all things considered, but the vigilante is having none of it.

He snorts. “Is that all you’ve got? Really? I expected some kind of bribe, at least.”

“Maybe if you show me you can keep your word, we could talk about it.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’m not giving you my word on anything.”

“Shame. Here I thought we’d make a good team.”

“In your dreams, Stark. Just because the Avengers have given into you doesn’t mean everyone else has.”

“That would be a dream, wouldn’t it?” Tony muses, then heaves a sigh. “Fine then. Have it your way.”

For a moment, neither of them move. Then, by some unspoken signal, Tony’s hand comes up, repulsor glowing red hot, just as Spider-Man shoots his first web.

The shot hits the web halfway, making them both disintegrate into thin air. Already moving, Tony flies up in the suit, only to feel a tug on his leg halting his upward momentum — a web. In the second it takes for his suit to disintegrate that one, as well, he’s being covered in more, the force of them pelting him back into the roof, feet sticking to the concrete and torso forced back against one of the light poles, sticky and irritating.

Of course he’d figured out a way to make it so the webs didn’t stick long to his suit as soon as the Spider-Man had made an appearance, but it wasn’t perfect, yet. Couldn’t be without the formula. So while he wasn’t pinned down for long, it’s just enough to get on his nerves.

Even more so because for all his big talk, he’s not actually fighting. Spider-Man pinned him down… and fled.

Well, that just wouldn’t do, would it?

Tony engages the full force of his throttles to just break through the webs faster, and gives chase. He can’t just let him get away with that, after all.

As he flies, he gives himself a minute to focus on the internal calculations flashing in front of his eyes. “How are we doing, Jarvis?”

“Nearly there, sir. Calculations based on body scan and public records have erased quite a few suspects. Cross referencing voice clips with all accessible video including the remaining suspects, but the sheer number is immense. I require a bit of time.”

“I’ve given you a bit of time. I need a name, Jarvis. Something for blackmail. I need to end this tonight.” He doesn’t have time for playing games with the Spider-Man, especially because he’s managed to disappear so effectively every time he tries to. He doesn’t know when he’ll find him again if he doesn’t tonight, and he has a lot of things happening in the near future he does not want messed with.

If he doesn’t find the information he needs, then this night isn’t going to end near as pleasantly as he’d hoped.

Spider-Man is fast, swinging through the city, but not fast enough to shake him. Especially not with his AI’s ability to analyze his every move and know where he’s going to turn next.

He lets him swing around for several minutes, pretending to give chase and hoping to tire him out. He has to just be waiting for him to get bored or lose sight of him so he can drop in somewhere and hide until he leaves or take off the suit to blend in with everyone else. Unfortunately for him, that trick isn’t going to work on him the way it probably does for normal people.

Tony just lets him swing around and tire himself out with him in hot pursuit, then, when he’s sure he has to be running out of energy — and webbing, he could hope — he flies up, into the clouds, dodging and weaving and utilizing his tech to keep an eye on the vigilante while staying out of his line of sight.

It works. Spider-Man drops onto a nearby roof, stumbling a little and bracing himself against a light pole. With a dangerous grin, Tony swoops down to meet him.

By the time he hears him coming and spins around, it’s too late. Tony closes the suit’s hand around his throat and flies him forcefully into the wall of the rooftop exit. Brick crumbles around his outline at the force of the impact, and the lenses of the suit go wide as he claws at his throat.

Almost at the same time as the impact, a picture flashes up in the visor of his helmet. “One almost perfect potential match, sir.”

For a second, Tony just stares at it. Looks through the analytics and double checks them. Then he laughs, unable to help himself. It’s just unbelievable enough that it explains so much. So young — hardly even a man. Spiderling, then, more so than Spider-Man. And even better — an omega. No wonder no one looked twice at this kid before as a potential threat.

He lets the helmet melt away, now, and looks down at the kid, grip around his throat tightening just a little as he watches him wheeze out a breath. His hand around Tony’s wrist is tight, tight enough his suit issues a warning, but not enough to actually dislodge his hand.

“So.” Tony tilts his head. “We meet again, Spiderling. Should probably stop doing that, hm?” He gets a strangled sound in answer, which is about all he could expect, really. He just shrugs. “Oh well. It’s not like it’ll happen much after tonight. Because I’m going to put an end to this, right here.” He leans forward, helmet reappearing— just in case he would do something like try to head butt him, because frankly, while it wouldn’t work, it would hurt — until their noses are almost brushing through their respective suits. “Last chance, Spiderling. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Are you gonna be a big boy about this or not?”

Tony releases his throat just enough for him to draw in a few breaths to answer. He holds his breath as the vigilante sucks in a few huge gulps of air before spitting out, “Go to hell, Stark.”

Tony just chuckles, clicking his tongue. “Oh, I will, I’m sure. But at this rate, you’re going to get there first.” He presses him a little harder against the wall, grip tightening again and ignoring the way the bits of brick and concrete pour down around them like rain. “I didn’t want to do this, kid, truly. But if you think I won’t kill you, you’re wrong. And if you think your loved ones won’t be targets if you don’t quit your shit, you’d also be wrong. I don’t like to be cruel, but I am what you make me, and I won’t stand for this any longer, Peter.”

The use of his name has a visible impact on the kid. He gasps, and his grip on his wrist tightens enough around the metal of his suit that it bends around his fingers and it actually hurts. Tony’s grip around his throat slackens a little automatically, and he frowns. It’s weird. It almost… burns? That’s not what a bruise or metal cut should feel like...

And then he hears it. The teen sucks in a breath, and in a broken, raspy whisper, gasps, “Please don’t...”

The effect is instantaneous. The slight burning in his wrist turns into a wildfire, like a brand, hot and burning and fuck does it hurt for that second. He responds automatically, jerking his hand back as if scalded, and watching almost in slow motion as the younger man crumples to the floor. It takes a moment longer than it probably should for him to realize exactly what’s happening, and then the suit melts off his body and he stares in horror as the color seems to settle in his soul words, now shining a bold black from where they sit on the inside of his left wrist.

Heart thundering in his chest, he stares for a long minute before snapping out of it and rushing to his side. He’s passed out, now, though from lack of oxygen or shock or what, he can’t be sure right now.

Carefully, so carefully, he tugs off his mask, both wanting to see his face for real and knowing he should see how bad the damage to his throat is. It catches him off guard at first, how gorgeous he is, and then how young, despite Jarvis already showing him both of those things earlier. He’s still marveling, though. Could this really be his soulmate? Oh, what is he going to do?

He forces the thoughts away for a moment, checking Peter’s throat. It’s ringed with finger-shaped bruises, but it doesn’t look too severe. He leans his head down, listening at his chest. Now that he’s got proper airflow back he doesn’t seem to be wheezing or otherwise struggling to breathe. So he should be fine.

Fine, physically, except for the fact that he’s Tony’s soulmate. That they’re branded together now, a link between their very souls keeping them from being able to end this in a way either of them would have imagined.

It’s funny. With how long he’d wanted this, he should be ecstatic. Instead he’s just… numb. A whole host of emotions rages inside him, and he can’t allow himself to acknowledge any of them until he figures out what to do.

For now, there’s only really one thing he can do. His soulmate is hurt, in more ways than one. He needs medical attention, to a certain extent, and they need to talk. Waiting around here until Peter wakes up isn’t going to be ideal for fixing either of those things.

So he bends down and scoops Peter up, cradling his unconscious form close to him. Then, with a tired sigh, he takes to the skies again, carrying them back towards the tower, glowing in the distance like a lighthouse in the sand, beckoning him to shore.

He has a feeling actually finding the shore is going to be a long time coming, but this is the first step he can take to finding it. He just hopes they’ll both be able to tread through these rough waters long enough to get there.

#starker #ironspider #iron spider #peter parker x tony stark #tony stark x peter parker #sim tony #alpha tony stark #omega peter parker #abo dynamics #starker fanfiction #starker fanfic #ironspider fanfiction #ironspider fanfic #soulmate au #soulmates #soulmarks #soulwords #peter parker/tony stark #tony stark/peter parker

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this-is-my-main-i-follow-from · 3 years

Text

i just sepnt WELL OVER AN HOUR working on stuff that doesn’t even work

I’m SO FUCKING MAD I WANT TO FUCKING KILL SOMEBODY preferably me & I’M ALSO APPARENTLY ON MY PERIOD? WELL NO WONDER I’VE BEEN DEPRESSED AS HELL THESE DAYS!

I honestly wonder what heppened i CANT EVEN FRICKING SLPEL what hallened to make me get emotional like this while menstruating. I never had this problem before. Al lmy weird emotions just came from the fact that I find them annoying & uncomforable & painful & groww & dysphoria inducing

Well

Maybe my doctor will listen to me if I tellhim tht yeah my period makes my fricking suicidal it makes me want to relapse into self harm huh tht’s bad? well mabye you should let me transition then you crow begotten maggot filled barely wualified doctor!

I’m giving up on in trousers

in trousers is dead to me

so are whizzer (it’s funny bc he’s actually dead) & blowjobs & music & swing dancing

all gone

yy IT’S just me accidentally hitting the caps lock button instead of the a button because tha’ts thust what I need

This is why I want to fond a good drug dealer. I want to be able to control my anti depressants as I see fit & take extra stimulants when I need them & get access to blCK market testosterone & stuh up everyone around my what’s not even a song you’re just whistling nothingnessss

I just want to cry

but I never cry

well

too bad for me

maybe if ai can’t cry through my eyes i can cry through my skin

borine

ihate how I groip on to these things that happened whan I was a kid. like in 2nd grade I was the best speller & the teacher would sen kids to me to help them spell their words. I used to read nocels in one sitting by staying up all night just to read. I used to be flexible & thin & active & I could plaay on the moneky barfs & go climbing in the mountains but now I can’t to any of thar. It’s not even that in 2nd grade I was at 3rd grade level & now everyone in total is past 3rd grade level it’s that if I was at 2nd grade level now i’m at 1st grade level. How is it that people get worse? it doesn’t maek any sense, ppl should be improving constantly that’s what makes a good story, scharacter growth, development, improvement. but of course then they get perfect & boring but you don’t want to undo all your work & besides people don’t go backwards so whu I am going backwards>

I somtedimes just want to die but I know that in general that’s not a good idea

but like

in times like this I see how much I’m astruggling instead of blinding myself to my issues with anti depressants & anti anxietyes & please jp shut the fuck up your whistling is so damn painful i forget what i was saying so I’ll just leave this here & maybe to idk watch youtube or write a fic or no none of that i don’t want to do anything I just want my things to be fixed but u know what even than I don’t think I would want to get back into working on it. im not particularly interested anymore fucking adhd i had the motivation to do smth I thought would be really cool but now looking back it’s not even that cool & it’s unfinished & it’s just iknda fully shitty overall and i need to use words because k an d i need to think m these sounds or say them otherkwise my mouth gets anxiety which doesn’t make sense but idk why i need to make d these sounds fuck this im just g so mad g k ng b d why i hate making useles sounds it doesn’t make sense why am i getting tics i thought I was done with those & moving bak on to some other side effects which b k g ng nmara ok kk kng move over in cycles bc the meds make no sense idk what i was saying but juct cux gkmnlrg siblings were talking 7 being annoying nobody can read this anymore esp w.o grammar & puinctuation hoh lool ka da na ma ga re fa rha la ya words i need to say lol why do I need o say them?? I wonder if I ever commit a murder I would be deemed insane?

#dom personal #s**cide #s**f h**m menion #murder mention #rant post

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shadowdianne · 3 years

Note

9, 22, 28, 29, 62 :)

Hello there <3 nara happened to ask number nine already but… here’s the rest Xd Thanks for stopping by! Sorry for the tardiness; tumblr was tumblr and I didn’t see the asks until today -rolls eyes intensifies-

Role model

I’m going to sound incredibly boring, but I don’t have a role model. Or at least I don’t actively consider anyone my role model. There are things I like about random people around me: such is a good moral backbone for example and when I was a kid I remember reflecting on those very same things that I liked on the characters of the books I read but I haven’t never felt something like: ah, I truly relate to this person a role-model type of way ^^’’

Five songs to describe you

Oof, ok, I see you went for the: you gonna think for this route. That’s why I like you :P Let’s see.. five songs. This is gonna make an interesting turn y’all

Dark Carnivale by Frenchie and the punk for the aesthetic that calls me best and what I tried to put into words whenever I wrote -be that cissamione, swan queen, own personal work…. Etc- I like the air of decadence around magic that comes with gothic tropes. Which is *a* thing that makes me look THAT kind of tumblr niche so prevalent to find back in the early stages of this blue hellsite lol. But I don’t take myself that seriously, so my own preference for the aesthetic steams from there on

Bad habits by Dresden Dolls for my depression past self. The way the music is majorly sharp sounds, the voice reaching and almost being out of breath. It’s not something that is *me* but we are our past in tiny minute ways so Xd Yeah, let’s put it there.

Zure ezapinen itsasoan by Izaro. Both coming from a descriptor that is me being basque and how that is simply part of who I am but also as a way of describing how I view love. For me, for what I go and feel and for what I strive to give. I don’t know if there’s a proper translation in English for this one but if there is or even if it is not and you like female singers I really recommend her. The song fills me with the longing of being happy while being happy yourself, wanting and feeling safe. It’s something that has become more and more prominent as I’ve grown older: to be someone who creates safeness and who is capable of receiving such feeling without feeling worthless of it. So there you go :P

Follow the stars by Swingrowers. Both as a: I adore electroswing -yeah, yeah, trend is gone but I fell into it when it gained prominence and I’m here to stay :P- and also to that dreamy part of me, the one who still wants to have their heads a little bit in the clouds if only so I don’t turn into a boring adult -snorts-.

Abracadabra by Brown eyed girls. And here has also several angles. First one the classic and full of: I HEARD THIS TYPE OF MUSIC BECAUSE IT BECAME MAINSTREAM and you can actually realize that if you see that all groups of kpop, jpop and the like I like to listen to have been extinct for several years already lol. Second angle would be the aesthetic of BEG in general. Totally there for them, really. Which is something that as a tangent goes through the route of: describing one self I’d say. Finally, the third angle would be my gayness lmao. I really had a gay moment with abracadabra and I fully rec watching the vid for this one

Best way to bond with you

Alright, after the heavy stuff let’s go with… THIS

Best ways…? Uhm, don’t try to mirror me expecting me to be kinder to you. Which is something that has happened. I prefer one who is upfront, honest, respect others around you, treat them well. I’m going to have a problem with you if I sense or see that you are being a hypocrite or you are actively searching to harm others, be that by word or action. We can be different in what we like to have in our pizza but I will never get along with someone who treats or thinks that others are their inferiors. And I’ll act accordingly. Other than that… There’s no real mathematics about it. I like the quietness of the introverts, as I am one, rather than the explosive contrast of the extroverts so I will probably gravitate to people who prefer to talk to spend their nights drinking and partying but I also do have friends, and very good ones, that are totally opposite to me in that aspect. I would say that by being “good” -a good person- and approaching me you are already in a good place to bond with me XD Unlocking higher levels of sim-friendship (:P) it’s more related to once we start talking and we see how are we like, if we don’t make each other uncomfortable, if there’s chemistry there for that potential. Dunno ^^’’, is there supposed to be an answer here? I rant, as you know, I love ranting, And I know I’m filling the blank space here trying to reach a conclusion when I honestly think that my only thing is for the ones around me to be good people. The rest… time

Seven characters you relate to

Ooof Xd

Ok, I can do this one. Let’s see.

I relate to Regina, obviously, for the “mother’s and family members who weren’t exactly the best kind of role model on their lives” Look! A role model, I brought it back to the beginning! XD

I relate to Ai Haibara -from Conan or Cold case or whatever is called in America because, honestly, translation laws are one hell of a thing- because of the constant anxiety and feeling, at the time I was hooked to the series (so, pre-teen) as if I had some big words inside my head by adults didn’t seem t pay me any mind because of them.

I relate to Vin from Mistborne from the: sometimes not thinking enough or getting your feelings become too loud inside your head. I don’t go the aggressive route but I can get where that is rooted from a character perspective.

I relate to Katsa -graceling- and Bipa, from a book I don’t know if it was ever translated to English called “La emperatriz de los etereos” > The empress of the ethereal. Katsa from the perspective of someone that needed a long time to fully come across who they were and Bipa from the stubbornness and the intent for going anywhere in order to make others feel good. I spoke of romantic love back in the song related question but my intent of being a good friend obviously bleeds into friendship as well, not solely romance.

Elise, from Making a tinderbox -BOOK REC-, no further details are needed on this one :P

And finally… I relate to Beau, from CR. No further info needed 😉

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kokkuri3 · 4 years

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A Case of Split Identity in Unknown Mother Goose

I’ve been listening to Ai/Solate a lot recently and it got me to think about Unknown Mother Goose again and how it’s an absolutely fantastic song that’s such a deep personal view into wowaka’s relationship with Vocaloid and how it was ultimately what made him successful in music but also completely isolated him as an artist and one thing that wasn’t ever brought up in ForgetfulSubs’ translation nor have I seen ever brought up anywhere else is a Japanese-specific grammar oddity.

If you know literally anything about Japanese you’re probably aware that unlike English, which only has one first person pronoun of “I”, Japanese has multiple, each with their own levels of politeness and implications of gender and rank etc. etc.

Generally, in songwriting, the pronoun used is 僕 (boku), a pronoun that is polite and familiar. It implies the speaker is male but many female songwriters will use it too, as it’s become sort of a lyrical standard.

This is the first line of Unknown Mother Goose:

Noticeably, the first person pronoun used is あたし (atashi), an exclusively female first person pronoun almost never used in lyrics (and even less frequently in lyrics not about romantic love/not trying to appear ‘cutesy’ to a male audience). Why this unusual pronoun choice? Though あたし has three mora, it is pronounced as two syllables, and 僕 could be easily substituted. Even if wowaka didn’t want to use 僕, he could have used 私 (watashi), a word nearly identical in sound with the same number of mora but with fewer gendered connotations.

Japanese is a pronoun drop language, so not every line that has “I” translated into it actually contains a first person pronoun. However, あたし is used a couple more times until--

There’s a pattern to Unknown Mother Goose’s pronoun usage, one that makes it clear that there are in fact two speakers.

wowaka’s reason for abandoning Vocaloid was, essentially, people were failing to properly distinguish between Miku and himself. Songs that wowaka wrote were being credited to “Hatsune Miku,” though from a production standpoint Miku was nothing more than an instrument. His involvement of the song was hidden, left to be unseen, and he felt so alienated by this that he felt it necessary to forsake Vocaloid entirely, until his return with Unknown Mother Goose.

The pattern present in the song is that あたし is used for all lines where a first person pronoun is present, except in the line あなたには僕が見えるか？ (Can you see me?)

What we get from this is that the one who expresses her love in song is not wowaka (who would not use the exclusively female pronoun あたし) but Miku; it is Miku who the meaning of “say(ing) they loved, wish(ing) for love” ( 好きと言えたなら, 好きを願えたら) lies “in [her] everything” (あたしの全部に). Miku’s purpose was, in wowaka’s eyes, to express love. wowaka once expressed a bit of embarrassment at this; he was told that the theme for the Miku 10 year anniversary album he would be contributing to was “gratitude.” However, he felt it more appropriate to write about love because, as the song says, the meaning of expressing one’s love lies in Miku’s everything.

The only time wowaka (who said that prior to Unknown Mother Goose, he had never considered writing a song about love) speaks from his own perspective is when he asked if he was being seen. He did so politely, staying away from 俺 (ore, a more aggressive, masculine pronoun) like he did in interviews and instead using the approachable 僕. The song was about love, because that was what he felt for Vocaloid. And in that sense, the song shows he did not wish to seem as though he resented Vocaloid for causing him to go unseen. So he asked, quietly, if insistently, if you (あなた, a respectful pronoun and one uncommon in songs, used in conjunction with both 僕 and あたし in Unknown Mother Goose) could see him.

A very subtle, untranslatable element present in the song says a great deal about its meaning, about the creator’s personal relationship to it, about his relationship to the listener. wowaka was an emotional, deeply personal lyricist and his work absolutely deserved to have the effect it did on Vocaloid as a community. ... I miss his songs a lot.

#OP I am you #vocaloid #wowaka #I'm not gonna spam anything so just those two tags.#I've been thinking about this a lot lately since I've seen no one else talk abt it and I just #Really wanted to dump #Anyway... RIP wowaka... :(#Also sort of want to talk about how UMG is very much abt wowaka's personal relationship to Vocaloid #While Suna no Wakusei is more about the Vocaloid community as a whole/its development #Suna no Wakusei also develops this theme in its lyrics #(for example while UMG references many of wowaka's songs it references his own songs exclusively #SnW references many songs by multiple artists)#Buuut. That's for a different post

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harushinkai-daily · 4 years

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Happy Birthday Haru Shinkai!

Given that so few characters in the Digimon universe have canonical birthdays, Haru’s birthday on July 1 is a day worth noting! Here are a few ideas for how to celebrate a very memorable Digimon protagonist.

🍅 Revisit a favorite moment from Appmon

As the series’ resident gogglehead, he features in plenty of episodes. You could start with his reluctant beginning in Episode 01, or pick and choose some more highlights:

Episodes 02, 04, and 23 show his ability to strategize and come up with creative solutions to tough problems;

Episodes 03 and 41 involve high-stakes showdowns that highlight his ability to alter the outcome of a situation with words alone;

Episodes 04, 19, and 45, and 50 demonstrate the strength of the bond he shares with Gatchmon (and in one case, a particular Agumon!);

Episodes 12, 13, 18, 25, 27, and 32 all illustrate his compassion and concern for others--whether it’s his crush, his best friend, an innocent-seeming Appmon, or the brooding hacker who stole all their Seven-Code Chips (and if you’re watching 32, don’t miss his attempt to sound like a tough-guy delinquent!);

Episodes 51 and 52 demonstrate his bravery and resolve when the chips are down and the fate of humanity is at stake!

And if it’s available in your country, don’t forget to rate and leave reviews on the officially licensed sub on Crunchyroll!

🍅 Listen to Haru (and Gatchmon’s) themes and character song

Haru has one character song that he shares with his Buddy (“Hallelujah”), which plays in the show near the end of Episode 52 (you can listen to the full thing here, and view the lyrics here!). The pair also share a bouncy instrumental track (“Haru and Gatchmon’s Everyday Life”), and there’s a more melancholy instrumental theme (“A Protagonist’s Agonizing”) if you’re looking for something with a different tone.

Both Appmon openings (“DiVE!!” and “Gatchen!”) have verses hinting at Haru’s growth in becoming a protagonist. Last but not least, the fourth ending (“Perfect World”) and the watercolor-esque sequence depicting Haru’s friends throwing him a surprise party were, of course, timed to be released on July 1, so they’re all great listens as well!

🍅 Create fanwork, or revisit some of your favorites!

Drawing fanart of Haru for his birthday is certainly a popular option, but there’s nothing stopping you from trying your hand at writing some Appmon fanfiction, or making a Haru-themed moodboard, playlist, or other tribute! And even if you’re not in the mood to create your own, it’s still a great day to share existing Appmon fanwork via a reblog or a link. If there’s a piece that left a particular impression on you, a friendly comment to the artist or author is a great way to show support and keep our small fandom alive.

🍅 Curl up with a good book

One of the first things we learn about Haru is that he’s a bookworm, preferring narratives with strong protagonists. You could follow in his footsteps by rereading that creased and dogeared copy of an old favorite, or use your preferred search engine to discover something new (some sci-fi involving advanced AI, perhaps?).

Speaking of which, you could...

🍅 Dabble in artificial intelligence

Haru’s ambition is to become an AI researcher, and even without being able to visit an AI-controlled city or rebuild your best friend from scratch, there are plenty of ways to explore the past and present landscape of AI.

Super

Read about Pepper, the robotic assistant that helped inspire Appmon’s Sugar units.

Read about the Dartmouth Summer Research Project, which the AppDrivers briefly visited thanks to Timemon.

Ultimate

My favorite source for some of the weird things that can be produced with AI is… well, aiweirdness.com! Collaborate with an AI to create a surreal text-based adventure, browse some paint colors, or check out the terrifying knitting patterns that may as well have been created by Leviathan himself!

Play Pictionary with an AI, and help train it to recognize doodles at the same time! (Read more about “Quick, Draw“ here).

God-Grade

Read up on the ethical concerns modern AI researchers are still working to address. More than a sudden hostile takeover like SkyNet or the Human Application Project, an increased reliance on today’s AI involves safety, security, and privacy concerns, as well as the issue of biased and discriminatory datasets.

🍅 Play some video games

Haru is by no means an avid gamer, but he does seem to enjoy games casually and as a social experience, including a few that involve strategic/puzzle aspects. Why not recreate the Pokemon Go craze of Summer 2016 by logging back into your account and hunting for rare monsters with your friends (keeping in mind good social distancing practices, of course!).

Lots of other games have gone virtual, so if you and your friends are a more spread out you could meet online to play a party game like Drawception or Jackbox, or even something that requires a bit more deductive reasoning, such as Codenames, Hanabi, or Werewolf One Night. If you prefer solo play, you could download a new mobile puzzle game (as long as it doesn’t become infected and lock you out of something important!), or relive the story of your favorite recent-generation game by playing it on Easy Mode. And if you were feeling really ambitious, you might fire up an or an old-school RPG, dungeon-crawler, or adventure game-- just make sure to have a walkthrough on hand in case you get stuck!

🍅 Engage in a physical activity

Haru is also not what you would call a super-coordinated athlete, but there are a few things you could try if you wanted to experience his more adventurous moments for yourself:

Get a friend to kick a soccer ball at your face (not recommended).

Set up a game of hide-and-seek, tag, or Quidditch. Anyone that catches you wins the grand prize! (not *currently* recommended, but maybe around Halloween...).

Hike up a snowy mountain and then sled down to avoid the ice monster at the top (not recommended).

Tool around on a Segway (...maybe?).

Go bungee jumping (not recommended).

Whatever you do, avoid activities that involve the ocean or other large bodies of water, because Haru himself says he can’t swim!

🍅 Choose to be a protagonist.

If, like Haru, you occasionally struggle to see yourself as anything more than a side character, use today as an opportunity to change the narrative. Set aside some time to pursue one of your goals that’s fallen by the wayside, or something you’re deeply passionate about. Step out of your comfort zone. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Make a conscious decision to improve some aspect of your life, even if it’s something small. Every little bit helps!

🍅 Be humble, caring, and kind.

More than anything else, Haru is defined by his desire to be kind to those around him. To that end, you might consider reaching out to someone you know is going through a difficult time. Practice empathy and respect. Donate time, money, or supplies to a cause you really believe in. Don’t be afraid to be a main character in your own story, but realize there is just as much value being a supporting character in someone else’s. Take steps, even small ones, toward making the world a better place.

🍅 Other ideas:

Eat a hamburger, Haru’s favorite food.

Make plans to hang out with a friend you haven’t been able to spend time with for a while, whether it’s due to your secret double life as an AppDriver or just being busy (just maybe... avoid going to school rooftops at sunset).

Ask a family member to share an embarrassing story about your childhood on social media.

Ask an eccentric older relative to yell at you in the middle of the night. The louder the better!

Happy Birthday, Haru!

#text #birthday post #happy birthday haru!

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years

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Some more mass effect andromeda thinky thoughts as I run around heleus getting some achievements!

- the murderous angaran ai is genuinely so fucking funny. “How are you feeling here on Aya?” “I hope you die” “Is there anything we could do to make you more comfortable?” “BURY THIS PLANET UNDER FIRE AND ASH” “o.oookay. Goodbye then.” “I HATE you.”

- I hope I never become irresistibly moved to write mass effect andromeda fic b/c there really is no other description for a good 70% of the expressions reyes makes than :> and how could one capture that in words

- as mentioned I’ve been doing a bit of achievement hunting and in the process I’ve been switching up a lot of gameplay stuff from how I handled it the first few times around and let me tell you it’s baller as fuuuuuuuuuck -- it just looks so awesome and is so satisfying between the maneuverability of the jetpack and biotic charge and the effects. special shoutout to what happens if you biotic charge a frozen victim enemy and the biotic pull/push combination. (throwing people around like ragdolls is actually so much fun I’ve kept doing it even after I unlocked the achievement lol)

- lol lol when you get meridian online there’s the montage of every planet coming back to life, right? well the one on kadara is from inside kralla’s song, with umi looking out at everything that’s happening. and all I can imagine is her jaded-ass voice going ‘what the fUCK did that asshole kid do now I only just cleaned up after the bar brawl he started with his krogan grandpa and now he’s rearranging the entire fucking planet right from under us goddess I need a drink’

- the implication that reyes ‘cards so close to my chest you won’t even know I’m playing’ vidal just does not shut up about how amazing ryder is to anyone who’ll listen gives me so much life. when you try to be mysterious and laidback but the human pathfinder is so fucking cute tho Y____Y (also go watch his scenes if you’re being standoffish with him the entire time -- he clearly wants ryder to like him so much right from the beginning, he’s doing so much work to no avail and I feel sort of bad for how funny I find it haha. interesting that it really does seem to be an emotional thing as well as y’know the practical/tactical benefits of having the pathfinder on his side. methinks the charlatan might be a bit lonely there behind all his masks lol)

I think this is why I’m willing to give him some benefit of the doubt too, despite all the cloak and dagger stuff -- he’s so immediately drawn to ryder, who you can never make a bad person, really. something in him must respond to that, if potentially only in the ‘attracted to traits I do not possess myself’ way hahaha

- I love sam. so so much. some of the open world implementation is still grating (yes sam. yes I know I can mine this area for resources through my mining interface. we’ve been doing this for a hundred hours sam. you’ve been right here with me the entire time sam. please sam), but he’s SUCH a good and I’d argue underutilized concept (emotionally at least) and the best boy. the fact that he can get SARCASTIC on you fsdhfjsadh he’s growing and learning! he’s doing so from inside your brain which is kind of unsettling but also SO COOL! there’s something about that level of intimacy, of always knowing there will be someone there with you in your head that is super interesting and deserves to be examined more fully -- both how it could be comforting and how it’s r e a l l y not how people or ai are generally designed to work lol.

he also gives us a unique link with our dad and I wonder if the writers would have explored that in more depth if there’d been more development time -- it practically SCREAMS out an invitation to get to play/see things from alec’s POV in short bursts, like the memories you unlock except you could go through playing it as him since sam is common to both of us. (see my ‘our dad comes back through either kett or remnant nonsense in the sequel and we need to find some way to connect with him’ idea. it would be. amazing. listen alec already looked at the ethical guidelines involved in creating ai and went ‘huh interesting ideas but not for me thanks!’, don’t tell me he wouldn’t have left some loophole in so this could happen)

- reyes literally says ‘the cavalry’s here’ when we get to meridian and I for one love him more than words can express (he also asks us if we’re okay in sort of a sweet/worried way right before we get to the control room. aw buddy)

- like we don’t think of them like that because we’re in control of them and see all the stumbles and awkwardness and how young they are all the time, but damn the ryder twins must look like something else to everyone in andromeda haha. they literally stride around like demigods restoring entire planets. on voeld spring non-metaphorically follows in their footsteps. shit dude if we’re talking realpolitik here the angara must feel p r e t t y nervous about this -- there’s no one saying they can’t turn off the vaults as easily as they turned them on. I hope we get them somehow teaching the angara how to do it too, on a smaller scale at least, as a show of good faith or something in a sequel, because that power imbalance is disconcerting

- I’m glad sam and I have such similar priorities whenever we’re on kadara. ‘maybe mr vidal would know. perhaps we should ask mr vidal about this. mr vidal said something relating to this pathfinder maybe we should speak to him’ . yeah sam i know the feeling, same (it does undeniably read as sam having a bit of a crush which is. hilarious?)

- the fact that alec ryder thought ellen responded to his bad boy act in any way when what really charmed her was that he was a great big nerd <3 it’s kind of nice to see a fictional marriage that seems to have just been. nice and stable and chill? just two intellectual equals who like and respect each other very much and not a lot of drama until alec went full alec and started developing rogue ai instead of watching his wife die lol. again I would love for the sequel to involve ellen finally waking up and being like ‘death? trying to claim MY husband? I do not think so, I can die he can’t he’s not leaving me behind’ and helping out and you realize that the reason they were soulmates was that under the relatively rational and unemotional surface they’re both, at heart, batshit crazy mad scientists who are insanely devoted to each other. imagine it tho! the people of andromeda realize alec ryder is back from the dead somehow and doing some Shit out there, they put a ton of resources into curing ellen’s disease because their best shot is something to do with the implants she made, hey presto we’ve got all ryders on the board and in play.

- just want to make it clear that I’m still sad about avitus rix and hope he’s having a good day

- do you think ryder ever asks sam to read something to him ‘aloud’ in his head if he’s anxious and can’t sleep. or just to talk at him about something boring until he nods off. again the possibilities inherent in the concept!!! he has someone who’s closer to him than any other person could be, what’s that like?

- *me sticking to my sidewinder pistol the whole playthrough even though it’s laughably inefficient* I just wanna feel like a cowboy bioware please work with me here

- the male ryder voice actor has such amazing comedic timing, there’s a lot of reaction stuff out in the field he absolutely nails. I enjoy the female voice too and I like how much emotion she manages to convey towards the end of the game especially, but there’s a casual comedy in male ryder’s voice that can’t be beat. (well, it’s not hawke levels, but then nothing ever is, that’s too much to ask)

- I love vorn and kesh so much. nerd krogans unite & make out

- I still want to sit peebee down and have a long serious talk with her about emotional abuse, maybe give her a hug :( fuck kalinda

- this game does not get enough credit for how stunningly beautiful it is, it all got buried under criticism about the animations and it’s a fucking shame. the last few vaults you go through are just mindboggling in scale and visual uh striking-ness. it makes me so sad to think there won’t be any more of it D:

- I really like this mainly casual + logical dialogue options ryder I’ve found; it makes him sound like a younger and more irreverent version of his father, but also softer and less closed off and much more willing to show affection for his family especially.

- i wonder if different people’s individual SAMs will take on a certain tone/unique pattern when they’ve coexisted long enough. have I mentioned. how much I want a sequel to this game

- one last reyes note because don’t look at me okay -- I wonder how much we’re meant to read into ‘being honorable never got me anywhere’. on the one hand I’m fully prepared to believe he’s never even tried doing anything the honorable way in his entire life lol but on the other there’s also some interesting potential in the interplay of that sentence and ‘to be someone’. (there seems to be a deep fear in him both of powerlessness and of being truly seen/recognized -- he equates secrecy with safety pretty explicitly -- which seems... telling? of what I don’t know but telling all the same hahaha) like he might be saying he’s tried doing things the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work and the price was too high, so he just went for this instead with the ends low-key justifying the means. hmmm. :Ia (this is what happens when I get Attached to a character with like an hour of screentime my friends, and I’m already primed to give my entire heart away at the sound of nicholas boulton’s voice)

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #I'm sorry about this my brain just won't shut up about this suddenly so here we go #reyes vidal #meta

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beebrainedstudios · 3 years

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ADSOM Headcanon Voices

At least for the villains/antagonists anyway (Holland’s here too), since I’m still figuring out how I think everyone else sounds. BTW, we’re ignoring accents here because someone (AKA myself) is horrible at recognizing them; this would mostly be about tone, enunciation, and whatnot. I’ve included some examples and explanations for anyone who’s curious about my reasoning too for fun. If anyone has any of their own headcanon voices to share, please do! I’d love to hear them! I’m also including descriptions for each link for those who don’t have time to listen or who don’t want to be spoiled for the mentioned shows. Enjoy!

Athos- Either Jonathan Young or Dan Stevens. Examples:

https://youtu.be/B6AlxZeTKpY (It’s a cover of Yzma’s song, a removed part of the Emperor’s New Groove soundtrack. I recommend listening to both the beginning verses and the final chorus-chant to get a full feel of the range in energy).

Jonathan Young: My take on Athos is both extremely energetic and extremely dramatic, so of course my first pick would be something based on a Disney villain song! Any one of Jonathan Young’s Disney covers would work here, but this one is the most fitting. There’s just something about the way Young jumps around in speed and almost seems to be growling some of the lines. His tone has both playfulness and roughness in it that suits Athos well; also, he’s absolutely the type to sing a villain song.

https://youtu.be/TZpG7i6H_LA (It’s a clip from the first season of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, specifically one focusing on the first season’s villain, Scarlemagne. If you watch the whole clip you can see an example of both excited Athos and calm Athos. The clip also features an example of his laugh and general musical ability. I’m sure some of his lines as Matthew Crawley from Downton Abbey would work too, but this is the first example that comes to mind.)

Dan Stevens: Stevens’ voice also does a really good job of summarizing the manic energy that I attribute to Athos, plus there’s a villainous laugh in there that sounds exactly like a hyena cackling- which fits the White King. This is also a good example of both how Athos plays the piano and when- he’s absolutely the type to throw fake parties for his own amusement. The way he gets so excited and gives out the orders to speed up while also getting more heightened- it just works for Athos, I don’t know how else to describe it.

Astrid- Cate Blanchett

https://youtu.be/Qi1fR98vFME (It’s a clip from Netflix’s Mowgli movie, specifically the scene where Mowgli meets Kaa. The most accurate lines to me are at roughly 0:50, 1:00 and 1:50.)

Astrid in almost every way is more difficult to figure out than Athos, but I really like this voice for her: it’s husky but sophisticated, deep but rich. The way Blanchett speaks so smoothly and so menacingly while hardly raising her voice seems very Astrid, as does the way she sounds so detached from everything. Astrid doesn’t need to emote much in her voice since I hardly think she emotes at all, but the undercurrent of interest and intensity she has is still present here. Or maybe it’s just the fact a giant snake’s talking, who knows?

Holland- Steve Blanchard

https://youtu.be/dvm18AHMeYM

https://youtu.be/8gVA0UN1Q3M

(Both of these are songs from the Frankenstein Musical- the former is The Waking Nightmare and the latter is These Hands. Waking Nightmare is a good example of the lower range of Holland’s voice, such as when he’s angry, while These Hands is a good example of his higher range, such as when he’s excited or anguished. Either one works and both are fantastic, I highly recommend just listening to the songs anyway due to how gripping they are.)

Its obvious (at least to me) why this voice reminds me of Holland- there’s so much raw emotion in the way Blanchard sings/speaks his lines as Frankenstein’s monster. To me, Holland seems like a character who would monologue or even sing like this, trying to vent his frustration at just how crummy life is to him; there’s no reason he can’t be very talented at doing so. At different points I imagine Holland’s voice as either high or low, so whatever voice I attributed to him needed to have the range to switch between the two, and it also needed at least a bit of roughness since Holland’s voice is described in canon to be gravelly. Blanchett doesn’t disappoint in either regard.

Osaron- Multiple (It changes depending on his state. Not all of these answers are human; as such, this section’s structured a little different.)

https://youtu.be/E7WQ1tdxSqI (This is a clip from 2001: A Space Odyssey, where the Hal AI is deactivated. The latter half of the clip is when the AI begins to sing- this is the part that sounds like Osaron to me.)

I’ve never seen this movie, but I know this scene. The AI that sings in the clip is voiced by Douglas Rain, and it encapsulates what I imagine Osaron sounded like when Holland first found him in Black London. Like in the clip, his voice lagged and swooped in pitch due to his exhausted state, with some grammatical errors occurring as Osaron was still actively trying to remember Holland’s language. Fun fact, this song was the first one sung solely by a computer (not in this movie specifically though), so it has even more of an Osaron vibe to it.

https://youtu.be/9altRF7LWgE (It’s a compilation of Aaravos clips from the Dragon Prince cartoon.)

Besides the fact that all of the quotes themselves fit Osaron, the pitch and general sneakiness of Aaravos’ voice match exactly what I imagine Osaron to sound like at full strength. The voice actor here is Erik Dellums, and he does a really good job hamming up the whole “trust me even if you know it’s a bad idea” vibe. The only thing that isn’t 100% exact is that I imagine Osaron speaks a little quicker than this sometimes; he’s described as practically burning with pent-up energy, so some of that would likely be reflected in his speech.

https://youtu.be/ZhlZ-cPO0Xw (It’s the Prowler’s Theme from Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse.)

Now for a fun (if a little strange) one! If you listen to this instrumental, there are these electronic “roaring” sounds (heard most clearly at 0:38, 0:51, and 0:57). These are actually distorted elephant sounds used to help the track seem more intense (which they do, especially as the music progresses), but they also sound a lot like what I imagine Osaron sounds like in his natural state. Oshoc don’t really use a verbal language to communicate on their own (as stated above, Osaron canonly has to use magic to translate spoken language; even if Black London had the Vitari language, Osaron likely didn’t need to know it if he was magic to begin with), but they do still make noise, mainly in the form of distorted thrumming hums of magic. It’s kind of like the infrasound that many animals and even dinosaurs used to communicate. Holland probably heard faint sounds like these as he was approaching Osaron’s throne for the first time, and in the final battle when Osaron’s control starts to slip, he probably starts “humming” to let off some steam.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this weird little list of voices!

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