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#she wrote a little bit about each song. why she chose it or what it means to her.

malarign · 5 months

Text

who they were written by

contains: enhypen | genre: angst, comfort | tw! mentions of death, mention of major injury, lack of confidence, family problems, loneliness | wc: 1,0k

author’s note: let’s just say i chose violence 🫣 who the hell let me write this?

Lee Heeseung | 이희승

➶ an elder lady who reminiscents her past lover

Love never felt so blissful and serene as with him, making it hard to forget his small but meaningful gestures, like fresh morning coffee, his contagious laughter, and jokes that never failed to make her laugh. There was no day she didn’t miss him, death taking his beautiful soul too early, along with hers too. She felt like her life ended the day she lost him forever. Wanting to have at least a little substitute for feelings that accompanied their love she wrote Heeseung, who just like her late lover, is impossible not to love. Heeseung who is a pure example of chivalry and a true gentleman, who treats everybody with empathy and sympathy.

Park Jongseong | 박종성

➶ a man who regrets not letting his son pursue his passion

Watching how his son gets drowned in the huge corporate world that surrounds him. How there’s no sign of the spark in his eye that used to light up whenever he picked up his guitar. The boy who found such relief in playing his favorite songs and felt proud of mastering different riffs was long gone, now somewhat replaced by constantly tired and dispassionate about anything and everything. Regret filled his heart and decided to somehow find a remedy in creating Jay, who thanks to his burning love for music and the wonderful people surrounding him, achieved his dream, and performed his songs on big stages, igniting passion in his fans’ hearts.

Sim Jaeyun | 심재윤

➶ a boy who always felt lonely

Ever since primary school, he never had a friend to rely on, always feeling lonely and not heard. Nobody ever paid attention to him, neither at school nor at home. His parents invested their time mostly in his younger brother’s education and hobbies, driving him to his after-school football practices and maths tutoring and leaving the older one alone most of the time. To feel at least a tiny bit wanted and liked he wrote about Jake, as his older brother he never had, but always dreamt of. Days spent alone at home started to get more bearable and gradually he couldn’t wait to be left with him and his new best friend, with whom he played football and who helped him with his homework.

Park Sunghoon | 박성훈

➶ girl who lost her confidence in sport

Injury is the worst fear of any athlete including her, but once it happens it turns out to be much more. She never even imagined a day she would have to experience the pain of a twisted ankle, but now daily rehabilitation has become her reality. Even after complete recovery, her foot felt like it belonged to somebody else, not listening to her like before. Things that she had been doing easily now were her biggest enemy. All eyes of her teammates were filled with pity, and even her coach stopped spending her time helping her, increasing her misery. What helped her ease her mind was a boy she imagined named Sunghoon, who was the only male ice skater among all the girls, they isolated him by whispering to each other and watching his every fall. None of this stopped him from mastering every jump and technique he found hard in his tempo. If he was able to do that, she would too, even after a painful injury.

Kim Sunoo | 김선우

➶ girl who always wished to have a boy best friend

She always knew boy-girl friendships weren’t particularly the easiest - it’s easy to catch feelings and not every boy is trustworthy enough to be considered a friend. That’s why she desired it so much. Her every male friend ended up being a freak who had a bunch of weird opinions, turned out to be even misogynistic, or simply caught feelings for her when all she wanted was to have a companion. The more she tried the harsher the disappointment. To compensate, she started to imagine one, who she named Sunoo. Hanging out with him was just as she wanted, maybe that’s why she spent so much time in her head. Both of them had their weekly tradition of doing face masks and watching old romantic comedies, judging wrong doings of the characters but also simping to them, just like it happens in movies.

Yang Jungwon | 양정원

➶ a grandma who lost her grandson

Nothing could ever prepare her to lose him, who just like cherry blossoms sweetened her old days with his pure smile and eyes full of curiosity, after years of endless winter. But, the thing about cherry blossoms is, it doesn’t last long. Her grandson, contrary to pink petals, wouldn't be back in a year, he would be gone forever. That pure smile and curious eyes disappeared, or should I say, were ripped off her arms so brutally, so pitilessly. Her life came back to the excruciating dullness and silence. She couldn’t stop thinking about how her lovely boy would grow up, what hobbies he would pick up, and who he was going to love, since he didn’t have a chance to experience any of that, subconsciously creating Jungwon, who lived surrounded by love and gave it to others. Who never lost his pure smile and curious eyes, just like her grandson.

Nishimura Riki | 西村力

➶ girl who always danced alone in her room

She always knew her destiny was on the dance floor. Even her tiny bedroom she had to share with her two younger siblings. Or the daily nagging and lack of support from her parents. Even the fact that she had to do that all by herself. None of that stopped her from doing everything to achieve her dream of standing on stage, in blinding spotlights with crowds watching her moves. Her main inspiration was Riki, a boy she imagined had the same dream as her. In contrast to her, Riki had everything she ever wanted and needed to make things easier - a family full of great dancers, who also owned a dance studio and great teachers and mentors from whom he learned not only different techniques but also to love dancing.

thank you for reading! back to the masterlist

taglist: (open) @nicholasluvbot, @en-chantedtomeetyou, @skzenhalove, @kpoprhia, @redm4ri, @yenqa, @heesitation, @candewlsy, @jaelaxies

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romanestuffsposts · 6 months

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hi love💕 could you write one where the little reader is very clingy on a day that the stucky daddies have to go to a meeting at the complex? so they leave her with other little ones but she doesn't want to be with anyone but them? a little anguish and a lot of cuteness?❤️

Hi there love! 💜

Thank you so much for this lovely request! I'm absolutly in love with this! ❤️

I hope you're not too mad that it took me so long to write it and i hope you like how i wrote it

Enjoy <33

****

Warnings : cuteness, clingy little reader, a little bit of angst, fluff, pet names, comfort, kisses, cuddles

Pairings : Daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : you don't want to be alone

****

Since this morning you always had a hand on one of your Daddies or they had a hand on you. You hadn't spent one second away from them.

They didn't know why but they could feel you needed to be against them all day. And of course they would never complain. They love it when you're all clingy with them and when you needed them.

You always need them of course but some days you show it more.

"I'll have to go to the bathroom, princess" your Papa gently whispers in your ear as he's laying on the couch with you curled up on his chest. It's been almost an hour now that you're laying like this and you had attempted to stay like this since bedtime.

You whine and shake your head "noo" Your Papa sighs and looks at Bucky who's sitting on the other side of the couch. He wanted to sit on the other couch so you won't be too tight against each other but you clearly show him your disagreement about that.

So he didn't had the choice but to sit near you. You would lose your mind if your skin wasn't touching the both of them whenever you can. That's why your toes are touching your Daddy's thigh.

"you can go on Daddy's laps during that time. And when I come back you can come back on my chest. How does that sound ?" he gently play with your hair

You shake your head again, letting out an upset moan "No-o"

Steve sighs again "then you'll have to come with me to the bathroom because i'm not gonna hold on longer than that" He secured you in his arms as he stand up before you can even say something.

He hummes a sweet song as he walks to the toilet, helping you relax against him.

But before he can even open the door, he hears Bucky's voice calling him. He then hears footsteps and soon after, Bucky was running toward him "Fury called" he says

Your face fell, you knew what that meant and you weren't happy about that.

"we have a meeting in twenty minutes. It's really important apparentely but i don't have further details" He adds.

Steve nods "alright, take her and dress her so she's ready while i go to the toilet and get ready myself" he hands you to Bucky, ignoring your whining.

Bucky lets Steve alone to do his business and walks upstairs with you in his arms "how do you wanna dress today ?" he asks with a smile. He knows you always love dressing nicely and looking all pretty whenever you go at the tower. You always want to make a good impression to your Daddies's friends and yours too.

But you don't answer him. You don't want to go to the tower, you don't want to be apart from your Daddies, you don't want to sit around in a playroom that wasn't yours and wait for hours to see your Daddies again.

"baby ?" he gently calls when you don't answer "if you don't answer me then i'll have to chose and i don't know if you'll like what i chose for you" he warns, teasing you a little.

You pull your head away from his neck, an upset look on your face and your eyes on the edge of crying "oh my sweet girl" he breathes out, caressing your cheek with his thumb "tell me what's wrong, baby"

'wanna stay here" you sniff "wanna be wis you" you hid your face back in his neck, a little ashamed of being like that. You know it's important what they have to do and you shouldn't be like that when it's with their work but you can't help it.

"look at me beautiful" your Daddy gently asks as he rubs your back. It took you a moment but you finally move your head from his neck and peer up at him, through wet eyelashes

"you spent the whole day with us, we only ask you to play with your friends for- maybe an hour or two, and then you'll be back in our arms for the rest of the day and during the night" his forehead falls into yours "i promise you"

"no pease" you cry as you hid your face back in his neck.

"baby listen" he takes your chin in his fingers and lifts your head "imagine how excited you'll be when we'll come back to you and all the hapiness you'll feel once you'll be back in our arms, as if you never left them"

You don't really have a choice, do you ?

It's been two hours now that your Daddies entered the big room and left you with your friends. At first you played with them but after some minutes, you distanted yourself and curled into a corner of the room.

You watched your friends laughing and being happy, having fun while playing together while all you wanted to do was crying because you miss them too much.

How could they not miss their Daddies and mummies ? How can they laugh while they're in a few rooms away instead of being with them ?

You don't understand how they can act like that. All you want to do is climbing on your Daddy's arms, resting your precious little head against his chest or in his neck while holding the hand of your Papa really tightly in yours.

"princess ?"

You lift your head and throuhg your cloud eyes, you spot your Papa, kneeled in front of you with a loving smile on his gorgeous face. You don't say anything, but you do move.

You crawl to him and wrap your arms around his neck, you wrap yourself around him like a koala. He chuckles and wraps his arms around you to secure you before standing up.

"did you had fun, little one ?" you hear your Daddy asking beside you. You hold your Papa tighter and shake your head. You take a deep breath through your nose and finally feel at home again at the sent of your Papa's perfum.

"let's go home then, it'll make it feel better" Your Papa strokes your back with his hands as they leave the tower. They anticipated how you'll react and already said their goodbyes to everyone in the meeting room.

Now they just have to drive back home and spend the evening cuddling you in the couch or in the bed, like you wanted from the start.

When you arrive at home, your Daddy had hesitate to propose you a bath -with them beside you of course, but decide to not say anything. You won't die if you don't have a shower today.

Instead, they immediately went upstairs, they changed you into your new and comfy pyjama and tuck you under the cover. They didn't lose a time and came under the cover to hold you close against them.

"close your eyes, sweetie" your Papa whispers, his lips against your forehead, his fingers brushing your hair backward "we're not moving. You'l be in our arms during the entire night, don't worry. We've got you"

"sleep well, little one. Have a great time in dreamland" your Daddy kisses your cheek "see you in a bit"

"we love you"

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wutheringmights · 14 days

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I finished rereading The Song of the Lioness quartet by Tamora Pierce a couple of days back. I already talked about the first book in a post that garnered more attention than it deserved. I guess we were all happily reminiscing about the menstruation scenes together, or Tortall fans are so starved for content they (we) will reblog anything.(Understandable. I too am starved for a thriving Tortall fandom.)

I'm too lazy to make separate posts about each book, so we're just going to do a mega post covering the second, third, and fourth book.

Unlike last time, I will be giving a little criticism to this series. I still love it endlessly, but there were a few things about the prose I thought was interesting that I want to talk about a bit.

So, without further ado~

In the Hand of the Goddess

I think this one is my favorite one, despite how rushed the plot it. It contains all of my favorite plot points, like awkward romances with George and Jon, attending knight lessons, and a little summer war. Fun stuff.

But it definitely feels rushed. I really wish someone told Pierce to make this a 12 book series, expanding on Alanna's years at the castle. It would have gone so far to better develop the romances and the friendships in these books.

I am fascinated by what Pierce chose to skim over. Characters would die or kiss for the first time off screen, with the prose resuming with Alanna reacting to it. It demonstrates an understanding of character work that I personally adore and try to emulate in my own writing-- the real bones of a story being in how characters respond to fantastic events as opposed to the fantastic events themselves.

Also, the whole veil spell Roger cast in objectively stupid, and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible. You're telling me that Roger used magic to make Alanna lose interest in doing anything about the obviously evil things he was doing? That's fucking hilarious. You know an editor came back to Pierce and asked her to come up with a reason why Alanna wasn't just going to spring into action at the first sign of Roger trying to kill her, only for Pierce to come up with this. It's so silly. I love it.

Woman Who Rides Like A Man

Did this book age poorly? Yes, but not as badly as I remembered. That's not a stirring defense, and it's really not meant to be.

The Bahzir are a mess of Orientalism, and Pierce definitely deserves criticism for not only the way she wrote them but for the ways in which she frames their cultural practices as something that needs to be fixed. Having Alanna want to force them to change their culture to suit her beliefs is not a great look for both the character and the writer. And that's not even getting into the whole assimilation plotline.

But I did enjoy Pierce's attempts to expand on the definition of womanhood, especially as a part of Alanna learning to embrace femininity. There is this running thread in these last two books of Alanna learning about all the different ways to be a woman and choosing for herself what her gender means to her. It's not done particularly well, and anyone looking for a revolutionary examination of gender roles and identity is going to be sorely disappointed. But there's an attempt here that I can't help but appreciate.

This book is also where Pierce starts to slow the plot down, which lends it to having the most reasonable pacing out of the bunch. That being said, it's also the book where the lack of development for a bunch of the side characters start to hurt. I really wish Gary or Raoul joined Alanna in the desert. Raoul gets his moment in the sun with the Protector of the Small books, but Gary remains largely forgettable. In fact, I spent this entire read-through convinced this man dies at the end of the last book, if only because I can't remember where he appears in any of the other books.

Lioness Rampant

This book somehow has the improved pacing of the third book while still feeling rushed. The quest for the Dominion Jewel really should have been it's own book, if only to give Thayet and Buri more room for development. Thayet in particular really needs her moment to shine, especially when she continues to be an important character in the other series.

But do you know who did get a lot of screen time? Liam.

Remembered shit about this guy before going into this book. I could only vaguely recalled disliking him as a kid, but not as much as I venomously hated Jon. (Speaking of which-- I love the way this man is realistically shitty. Him getting dumped by Alanna is always my favorite scene.) But Liam? Fuck that guy. Holy shit. I give full applause to Pierce for portraying the important milestones every girl goes through growing up, which includes having a situationship that is so shitty that it becomes essential character development.

Roger's return feels very... cheesy? I think Alex should have stepped up to be the final villain on the story. Unlike Roger, Alex was Alanna's friend. They have history. The betrayal would have imbued that final fight with so many more emotions than it ultimately had. I also would have liked Alanna to have at least meaningfully talked to Alex sometime before the climax.

Honestly, it's impressive how reactive Alanna is as a character in the last half of the book. She doesn't seek out how to stop Roger's plan, or fix Thom, or anything. Other characters make plans and she just... waits for something to go wrong.

That being said, by virtue of Alanna's relationships with George, Liam, and Jon all happening sometime in this plot, this book becomes a good place to look to get the full berth of how Pierce handles romances. Which, I love her approach. The romances are never over the top or, for lack of a better word, too romantic. It's very down to earth, with characters dating, marrying, or breaking up for realistic reasons.

Jon and Alanna were friends who broke up because they had different life plans. Liam and Alanna broke up for having fundamentally different values. As much as I bitch about how shitty Jon and Liam are, they're not cartoonishly evil. They're just a little shitty the way most of your exes will be. Jon and Liam are men could find love with someone else. They just aren't suited for Alanna.

Meanwhile, the most romantic things George does are wait for her and be supportive. He doesn't fight or get territorial. He makes his feelings clear, then waits for Alanna's cues. Alanna definitely loves him, but she ends up with him in the end because their lifestyles and core beliefs meld together. There's no grand romantic gesture or whirlwind affairs. They are just a good pair.

I have read stories with far heavier focuses on romance, and none of those couples feel as perfect as Alanna and George. Those stories prioritize all the gooey moments over showing why the main couple should get together. For how little romantic interactions they have, you believe these two could have a successful marriage. Perfect stuff.

---

Over all, I really enjoyed rereading these books. For all my griping, I still love the story. I love Alanna. She's a character who is fundamental to my soul. No matter where I am in life, I will always want to open these books and find her again, to walk back into Tortall and join her on her quest to be a lady knight.

My copies of the series come with forewards from a previous edition. In one of them, Pierce wrote that this series started off as an adult fantasy story that was much darker and edgier. I need to know what that story looks like, what happened in it. Pierce can claim as she wants that she hardly remembers what it looks like, but I refuse to believe that. Release the unedited first draft, Pierce. I am begging you.

#it probably has on screen gay sex for thom and roger #anyway that's the alanna series. the library book i ordered is still not here yet so now I'm off to find another short-ish book to read #this book better come in before june or else i will lose it. i am putting off reading the illiad for this #me rambling #bookish #books and reading #books #bookblr #tortall #song of the lioness #tamora pierce #me reading

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dragonfly0808 · 7 months

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Musa’s Discography Pt. 1

Yes, I spend way too long thinking about stuff like this about my characters leave me alone ajajajjaaa

But srly like 2 people have asked me about this and I’ve spent way too long thinking about what Musa discography would actually be like so… here is her discography with a way too detailed description of why I chose each of the songs, I had way too much fun with this.

First EP. Written in the later half of s2 and before s3 published in the summer between s2 and s3

I had no specific ‘theme’ for this one, just songs I felt fit Musa’s mentality and would be cool for her first project

For the first EP, which consists of:

The Beginning by Madison Beer.

I just really love this intro it’s a gorgeous showcase of vocals and it’s beautiful and perfect.

I Hate the Way by Sofia Carson.

I love this song. Musa would base if mostly off of Riven’s epic screw up in s2 ch27. Also the guitar solo part feels perfect for her.

Whispers by Halsey.

I can’t quite explain why but this song is so Musa-coded to me. At least my version of her. She builds walls up and tries to not care and fails miserably every time. Also touches slightly on the depression that she def never adressed before going to Alfea and meeting the girls

Run and Hide by Sabrina Carpenter.

I feel like this song fits Musa’s mentality in s1 and part of s2 perfectly especially when it comes to romantic love. ‘Started thinking love’s a loaded gun, nobody wants to fight’ ‘If you can’t hide run, if you can’t run hide’ ‘I don’t wanna run I don’t wanna hide’ it’s just perfect for how she used to think and I really love the idea of her writing this precisely as she starts to let go of that mentality

favorite crime by Olivia Rodrigo.

This would be a more story-telling type song written with Helia cause I feel like putting those two together they would absolutely go full story tellers and poem-like lyrics and this feels like smth they would absolutely write one night they couldn’t sleep cause they love a good sob love story

Ribs by Lorde.

Written about the Winx and the Specialists with a sprinkle of dreading growing up

Second EP. Written during the first half of s3, published right before Winter Break

This one did have a slight ‘theme’ to it since it was mostly written while she was fighting with Riven over secrets on both sides and she was very frustrated with herself and projecting a bit on him.

Hard to Love by Rose.

This feels very Musa-coded to me. She has that instinct of ‘oh shoot I’m loved? Fucking run for the hills!’ But more like… again, she builds walls. So I can see her writing this one night very frustrated with herself like, why am I like this?

Rock Bottom by Hailee Steinfeld.

I love this song and I feel like it suits Rivusa so perfectly in the first half of s3 ‘We’re on the right side of rock bottom and I hope that we keep falling. We’re on the good side of bad karma, cause we keep on coming back for more. We’re on the right side of rock bottom, and to you I just keep crawling. You’re the best kind of bad smth, cause we keep on coming back for more.’ Literally them at this point before they learn to properly communicate. Also ‘what are we fighting for? Seems like we do it just for fun.’ Love this song

Monster in Me by Little Mix.

Another song that suits them when they’re at rock bottom. ‘Touch me, why don’t we kill each other slowly?’ ‘The monster in me loves the monster in you’. Def can see Musa writing this when she’s frustrated with herself and Riv cause she knows why they’re both screwed up but can’t quite figure out how to get past it

when the party’s over by Billie Eilish.

This was when, for a moment Musa considered just calling it quits cause she wonders if maybe they’re both too fucked up to make it work and she wrote this whilst in depression. She also realized that she was hurting him by picking fights and not being honest and wrote this in response to that realization

Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift.

This one was also co-written by Helia, they went for another story-telling not-to-be love story.

False God by Taylor Swift.

Another song that feels oh so Rivusa-coded to me. Like, cmon this is one of those songs that played in the back of my head every single time I had them argue in s3 and feels like the perfect song to end an album all about fighting the one you love

Winx Rewrite Masterlist

Part 2

#winx club #winx rewrite #winx #winx headcannon #winx fanfic #winx headcanons #winx musa #winx riven #winx rivusa #rivusa #riven x musa #musa x riven #winx helia #winx headcannons #veiled wings and shattered panoramas #a withering pretense

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arcielee · 11 months

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Interview With a Writer

Thank you so much @inthedayswhenlandswerefew for allowing me to pick your brain again, and giving us a glimpse into your process for your amazing stories. 💜

This series is near and dear to my heart, completely self-indulgent, but I am glad others are enjoying it too. You can look over the masterlist to see the other amazing authors I have spoken with; this series is just a BTS of some of the talented minds on Tumblr and ao3.

Name: inthedayswhenlandswerefew

Story: Now I’m Covered in You

Paring: HotD/War of the Roses AU Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Rating/Warning: Language, sexual content (18+), dubious consent, miscarriage, pregnancy, childbirth, violence, warfare, murder, alcoholism, sexism, infidelity, illness, death, only vaguely historically accurate, lots of horses!

Where did the plot for Now I’m Covered in You come from? I’ve always, always, always loved British history. I’ve read countless books (mostly nonfiction, some fiction) about it and when I studied abroad in college, out of a hundred possible locations I chose to go to the United Kingdom. London is still my favorite place on Earth and I would love to live there someday. It’s truly where I feel like I belong. NICIY is definitely inspired by my love of British history (especially Renaissance-era) as well as two phenomenal television series: The Tudors and The White Queen.

I had the idea for NICIY but was still warring with it—I desperately wanted it to just go away so my life could be nice and simple, haha!—when I was driving to work listening to my Spotify playlist. I have a long commute, about 40 minutes, so I listen to a LOT of Spotify. And Taylor Swift’s song Ivy came on and I was like…about to drive off the road it hit me so hard. It struck every chord of this story and made it louder, unignorable. The forbidden pining. The wintery, mournful, timeless quality. The idea of someone growing over you and through you, like ivy, and turning you into a whole new version of yourself. And ivy (the plant) is indomitable, it’s very difficult to get rid of and it ends up destroying a lot of other foliage. The love that Aemond and Ivy share is like that, but Ivy herself is too. She’s adaptive, resilient, and…under the right circumstances…a bit ruthless. She was always going to survive. What is your planning process? How do you know the steps that need to unfold? I really adore foreshadowing. But I have to be careful because there are a few people (like @aemcndtargaryen) who have this superpower where they seem to be able to latch onto EVERY little hint. So I'm always working on perfecting that balance between foreshadowing and being the right amount of mysterious!

My planning process always starts with a chapter list. For each chapter—starting with the last few and then looping back to the first one—I give it a name and a few key words to remind myself of which major events go where. Then as phrases, scenes, and conversations occur to me, I write them non-chronologically.

For example, one of the first parts of NICIY that I wrote was the miscarriage in Chapter 3 and the disjointed exchanges between Aemond and Ivy as she’s floating in and out of consciousness. I fill in the gaps when it’s time to publish each chapter. I think this helps me maintain a consistent thread of foreshadowing that runs throughout the story because when there’s a certain metaphor or phrase that I like, I’ll go ahead and drop it into every chapter where I think it’ll end up fitting, and then tweak it later if necessary.

But honestly, there are a lot of aspects of writing that I still can’t really explain. Sometimes a phrase will pop into my head and I’m thinking “what??” and then, weeks later, I finally see how it fits in the design. It’s all rather mystical in a neat sort of way. Explain your interpretation of Aemond. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in NICIY? NICIY Aemond is, to me, a mirror image of canon Aemond and also the version of Aemond that appeared in my first HOTD fic, Have You No Idea That You’re In Deep?

He’s a bit more sensitive, reserved, emotionally intelligent, merciful, and of course poetic. Sir Criston tells Ivy in Chapter 9 that Aemond had changed for the better since she arrived in England, and that is what allows him and Ivy to get their happy ending. NICIY Aemond is affected by his past, but he’s not ruled by it. He is ultimately motivated by the future—by the possibility of having a family with Ivy, and the need for England to be stable in order for that to happen—rather than retribution for past wrongs. So he tends to be less reckless and more forgiving. He does lose his temper at times, he’s still human (and watching your brother be married to the woman you love is stressful), but he tends to be able to move past that wrath quickly and shift to something more productive, for example strategizing or comforting.

However, it must be said: Aemond is rather unhinged when it comes to Ivy, like he behaves in a way that is borderline obsessive. I think that’s a natural consequence of someone who does not connect with 99% of humans finally feeling like he’s found a perfect match that he never believed would exist. But Aemond cares greatly for Ivy’s wellbeing and respects her autonomy/preferences, so it’s a partnership that works.

Was his poem to Ivy a Maggie original? So my main writing medium is fiction, but I do occasionally write poems. I don’t feel especially comfortable with poetry but every once in a while the inspiration strikes and I’ll write like five in a week, and then none for months at a time. They usually fit with one of my stories rather than as standalone pieces, for example the way that “Ivy” only occurred to me because it was an aspect of NICIY. It’s an unapologetically deranged poem, especially in the way that Aemond uses it—he confesses love that he can’t bear to express out loud and then runs away to hide in the chapel—but the sentiment is heartwarming, I think.

What was the inspiration for Ivy? I spent a lot of time thinking about the values that were instilled in royal women of this time period (1400s) and how different personalities would cope with those pressures. Ivy is (generally) a dutiful wife and does genuinely want to be the mother of a large family, but she’s also more scrappy than a typical princess. I think this has a lot to do with her upbringing.

Ivy is from Navarre, which was a relatively small and undistinguished kingdom, and we have hints that her family life was a lot less stifling and formal than Nico’s, Kunigunde’s, or Alicent’s. She did a lot of rough-and-tumble activities like sparring and horseback riding, and seems to have genuinely warm relationships with her parents and siblings (Alonzo!!! 😍). She has an innate willfulness and ferocity that Aemond is mesmerized by.

He was instantly attracted to her when she arrived in London—hence being too shy to interact with her—and then when he saw how bravely she handled challenges (Aegon, Daemon, the miscarriages, court gossip) he fell absolutely madly in love with her. Aemond values nothing more than strength in the face of adversity, and he desired AND respected Ivy in a way that transcended anything he’d felt before.

Aemond and Ivy’s first interaction in Chapter 1 is this odd moment because for Ivy, it seems random and confusing (although welcomed), but for Aemond it’s this culmination of a year of all-consuming clandestine longing. Aemond finally talking to Ivy is sort of by chance—he runs into her and is caught off-guard, therefore he hesitates too long to excuse himself gracefully—but he’s also pushed into it by how much she’s suffered in England up until that point. He genuinely feels tremendously sorry for her and feels that she deserves better…and he also feels a drive to protect her from further harm. Aemond wants Ivy to be happy, and that eventually overpowers his paralyzing shyness.

Why do you feel Ivy complements Aemond well? Ivy and Aemond complement each other wonderfully. She is amazed by him—his competence, his beauty—and gives him the tender, protective, unconditional sort of love that he has always craved. Ivy is also not disturbed by Aemond’s disfigurement and has difficulty understanding why Miss Kuni has such trepidation about it in Chapter 6. Ivy can understand the trauma that Aemond carries because she has suffered similarly—in both her miscarriages and in her marriage to Aegon—but she does not consider him limited by it.

They are equally dutiful yet passionate, and have the capacity to be both extraordinarily gentle and selectively ruthless. They are a bit of a power couple, and accomplish more together than either could separately.

What was the inspiration for the character creation of Kunigunde? Kunigunde—who I always refer to fondly as Miss Kuni, it’s cute but also proper in a way that I think suits her—is the perfect Renaissance-era princess.

She’s wealthy, she’s honorable, she’s loyal, she’s beautiful, she’s clever, she’s sporty, she’s confident, she’s all the Spice Girls rolled into one. But Aemond feels absolutely nothing for her. This is a manifestation of the fact that Aemond is truly changed by Ivy at this point, and that she has covered him; the old Aemond never would have dreaded a match that was THIS advantageous to the Greens, nor spurned a bride that is supposedly everything he’s always wanted.

Furthermore, Aemond’s prior sexual experiences (with the exception of Ivy and the Bearskin Rug Incident™️) were not what we would consider to be consensual, and the trauma that he carries from that adds another layer to his inability to be intimate with Miss Kuni, someone that he not only doesn’t have feelings for, but also cannot touch without feeling that he’s betraying Ivy.

Miss Kuni does her absolute best in a terrible situation and demonstrates steadfast loyalty to Aemond and the Greens. This is in part because honor demands it, but it’s also because her upbringing was very different from Ivy’s.

Kunigunde grew up in a very formal court, and her family was not as warm as Ivy’s; Miss Kuni mentions in Chapter 7 that her family would blame her if her marriage failed, a stark contrast to how Ivy’s family has already plotted to bring her back home after feeling that Aegon wronged her.

Miss Kuni confronting Daemon also illustrates just how cemented her traditional beliefs are—women aren’t combatants, princesses can’t be harmed—and it ultimately dooms her. But that sacrifice paves the way not only for the Greens’ military victory near Castle Rising, but also the Holy Roman Emperor taking Rhaenyra’s youngest children hostage as revenge for his daughter’s murder, which helps to neutralize Rhaenyra as a threat once the war is over.

Were there any other characters in your story that you enjoyed writing? I always adore writing Aegon. In every fandom, there are a few characters whose voices are so clear and so impactful in my head that their lines just feel like they write themselves. Aegon is like that for me. He is damaging without being malicious, pathetic and yet unpredictably heroic at times, weirdly insightful but also a dumb babygirl. I just love, love, love writing him. Especially since the Aegon who exists to me is Tom Glynn-Carney’s more nuanced and sympathetic interpretation, not the HOTD show canon version.

I also really enjoyed writing Nico. She is light and bubbly and enthusiastic and innocent, and compulsively honest in a way that is cringey for the royal family but hilarious to us readers. She adds some much-needed levity to an, at times, deeply tragic story. She’s also brave in a way that is sometimes unwise and childlike, which is consistent with her personality.

Lastly: Alonzo, as one wise anon message said, is a vibe.

So, I have to ask, you were “retired” but... Does this mean my “retirement” is over? Well…at the moment…yes. 😂

I’m a lot more open to new fic ideas now because I’ve learned how impossible it is to predict when inspiration will strike, and I’ve also gained the perspective of what a loss it would have been if I’d never written NICIY.

I think I’ve accepted that fics are likely just a part of my mental landscape and will be indefinitely. For example, after I finished up NICIY two weeks ago, I immediately dove back into my novel, write 20 pages…and then was assailed by a new fic idea! Of course I tried to ignore it, but as we have all learned, I am not very good at that.

So a new HOTD fic is on the way! You will know more about that soon…very soon…very very soon… 👀

#interview with a writer #iwaw11 #bts #of their brilliant writing #aemond targaryen fanfic #don't mind her emoji use

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theredtours · 1 year

Text

Taylor Swift talks friends, fears and fairytales

The Boot | Melinda Newman | December 19, 2008

By any measure, it's good to be Taylor Swift. The 19-year-old has gone from wannabe singer to country superstar in less than three years. Her meteoric rise is accompanied by the kind of critical huzzahs from such august outlets as the New Yorker and the New York Times that many older artists would give their right arm for.

Her second full-length album, 'Fearless,' entered the charts at No. 1 and has bounced back up to the top toward year's end. During our exclusive interview after her AOL Music Sessions taping, despite being tightly booked for back-to-back interviews, Swift is relaxed, convivial and focused as she answers questions about her life in and out of the studio.

Why did you call the album 'Fearless'?

I really wanted to make sure it was the right choice, so I took that word "fearless" and I applied [it] to each one of the things that my songs deal with: getting your heart broken, having to face the fact that you're not going to be with the person you thought you were going to be with, someone apologizing to you over and over again for something they're never going to stop doing, having faith that maybe someday things will change -- all of those things I thought had a fearless element to them. Also, I think that the word "fearless" doesn't necessarily mean that you don't have any fears. I think that sometimes being fearless is having fears but jumping anyway.

Part of the charm of 'Love Story' is the "just say yes" refrain. When was the last time that you just said yes to trying something new?

I bought red lipstick the other day. I'm the kind of person who's really modest with lipstick or any kind of color at all, and I think people are going to throw something at me if I wore red lipstick! But my best friend and I were in the makeup store, and I just looked down and saw the red lipstick and said, 'I need a change. I'm doing it!' I bought it and wore it out of the store, and I felt like I was making this daring change.

'White Horse' is the current single mainly based on its huge sales on iTunes. Why you think people are responding to that song so strongly?

On this album, I deal with a lot of fairy tale themes. Sometimes they turn out good, sometimes they turn out bad. 'Love Story' was a really happy ending -- you put everything you have into love and it works out. Then in the song 'White Horse,' you put everything you have into love and you get your heart broken. It blew my mind that such a personal song was the one people were talking the most about, because I always felt like the more personal my songs were, the more I could just relate to them. But, really, more people have been able to relate to those songs -- the ones that I wrote when I was really going through something terrible.

When you were growing up, what was your favorite fairy tale?

The one I loved the music to the most was 'The Lion King.' There are about 4,000 videos of me as a little kid singing 'Lion King' songs. Like, running up to random strangers on the beach and just breaking out in song!

Do you want to do Broadway?

I think Broadway is something that I might want to do when I'm older. I started out in children's theater, and I have just this complete appreciation for drama. In my headlining tour this year, it's my goal is to make it dramatic and to make a theatrical element to it, rather than just song after song after song.

The song 'Change' is a bit of a departure for you in that it takes a strong stance to challenge the status quo. What inspired that?

I wrote the song 'Change' as an underdog story. It's kind of crazy to think that the Olympics chose this as one of the songs to play during the Olympic Games. That blew my mind, because what I actually wrote this song about was being on a small record label. When you're at a record label that had 12 employees, you have to work harder to get on major tours. You have to work harder to get presenter slots or performer slots on award shows. There was this moment where I sat there and was like, 'When are we going to get a fighting chance? We're the smallest record label in Nashville, but we want this really bad.' I wrote the beginning to this song, and I thought someday things are going to be different. I finished the song the night that I won the Horizon Award at the CMA Awards and looked over and saw the president of my tiny, little record label crying.

You talk about how this album has a lot of love songs on it. To me, the most beautiful love song is 'The Best Day.' Talk about the day you played that for your mom.

I started writing it in the summertime last year, and I decided I wasn't going to play it for my mom until Christmas. So I finished the song secretly [and] recorded it completely without her knowing. I synched it up with all these home videos of me when I was little with her, and I made this music video for it. On Christmas Eve, I put it in the DVD player and played it for her. She didn't know that it was me singing until about halfway through the song, at which point she burst out crying. It's probably one of my favorite songs that I've ever written. My mom and I have been best friends since I was born. So I'm really glad that I got that down on CD.

You never went through a rebellious stage with your mom like a lot of teenage girls do?

My mom has never been condescending. She's not the kind of person that needs to be perfect all the time and needs me to see no flaws in her. The coolest thing about my mom is she's always been so real with me, and honest no matter what. When I was little, she would indulge my imagination and tell me stories. I attribute my fascination with writing and storytelling to that. And even when I was preteen, that's when I needed her the most. That's usually when people are [at the] too-cool-for-their-parents stage. Well, I was really not cool enough for anyone but my parents in that phase. I had no friends! My mom was the one person that I could turn to and who never, ever, hurt me.

What's the strangest thing that a fan has ever given you?

This guy gave me a big turtle shell with my face painted on it -- that was definitely a first! Then it's always awesome when someone walks up and they're like, 'I got a gift for you -- got that done last week,' and it's my name tattooed on his arm. It's such an honor to be tattooed on someone's body, because that's permanent! I just want to walk up to him and be like, 'I really hope that this whole career thing works out for me so that two years from now you're not really embarrassed of that.'

Who would we be surprised to know is on your iPod?

I'm a big Lil Wayne fan -- I love him, Kid Rock, Jesse McCartney -- it's like a complete Jesse McCartney phase, all of his albums. I have this giant Jesse McCartney playlist right now. So that's probably my big shocking music fascination right now.

What do you do when one of your songs comes on the radio?

I'll listen to it, but I want to check the other radio stations to make sure that one of the songs I really love isn't on. If there's a song that I'm a big fan of, I'll change it to that. But if nothing else is on, I'll turn it up and be like, 'Yes!' I still have that moment. That never gets old when your song is on the radio.

You've recently said that any guy you date now is starting to realize that they're probably going to end up in a song. What else should any guy you date know before going into the relationship?

I'm not typically the girl that dates a lot of guys or is in relationships a lot. Most of my life I've been single. If I meet somebody who's great, I'll make an exception, but I'm really happy being alone. I'm happy being single. I don't feel a sense of emptiness if I don't have a boyfriend. I think that that's an important thing to carry into a relationship, because if you need the other person -- if you're like, 'I need to talk to you! Why didn't you call me back?' -- if you're that girl, then nobody's going to want to date you. So I think that it's important that whoever I date be an independent person, because I'm a really independent person. I have this rule: I don't call a guy first. You can't ever send two text messages in a row. If they don't answer your text messages, then that's fine. Don't stress it out and send another text message. I think that it's important to be confident in who you are, because the best thing you can bring to a relationship is a whole person.

#throwback time because I found this while looking for old videos #it's long so the article is under the cut #taylor swift #ts #article #text

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tolltale · 8 months

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Band name, Persona, Manager, Besties, Wild card, 4 Sam?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING also it got distressingly long if u read it all you're a HERO

ask meme

Band name: How did they and the others come up with the band name? Has the name changed since it was founded?

"merry bones" comes from one of the first songs they wrote as a band about how happy performing together made them and how they could feel "in their bones" that's what they wanted to do forever. (didn't age well for one member specifically 😐) It was "happy bones" initially but they were unconvinced. the merry part came from an anecdote of the first (and last, until the band) experience sam had singing to an audience being christmas caroling in the neighbourhood at like 9yo, and the fact that she hated it enough she threw a tantrum and stormed off mid-performance once. so it was a little bit an inside joke for the band and another bit seven insisting she had to like. reclaim the bad first experience and associate it to something that made her happy instead dgdjdk. she thought it sounded dumb but the idea grew on her with time lol

Persona: How does their day-to-day personality compare to their on-stage persona?

mmhh on stage I would say she appears more confident and self assured, doing what she's best at and what makes her the happiest. more intense and out there too. off stage she's still very outgoing but not in an intense way. She's friendly in a way that usually puts people at ease rather than intimidate......most of the time. she's also very aware of the fact she's performing for an audience and has to present a certain way and "deliver an experience". it was a lot less like that when she was in a duet but now she feels the pressure of being the solo singer and having most of the attention. then again Sam performs off stage too lol she tries to charm and be funny and is overly aware of the way she presents herself and the kind of image she wants to project. There are few people who get to see her with her guards completely down

Manager: Do they get along with Orion? What do they think of him as their band manager?

not only does sam like orion a lot she's also immensely incredibly grateful to him and she takes every chance to say the band wouldn't be where they are without him and she means it 100%. they met when she was aimless and the only reasons why she was still trying so hard to find success with the band were not letting down her friends and because losing seven would have been meaningless if she quit. And seeing someone believe in the band and their music strongly enough to drop literally everything was like a wake-up call. because she also chose the band and music over everything else she just had to remember why. She also appreciates that he often can offer a logical point of view. when she is feeling doubtful about their music/performance (ALBEIT RARELY) she goes to him because she doesn't want the others to know. to the band she's like "okay this one is the album that gets us a Grammy I KNOW IT" and to Orion she's like . "okay should I drop everything and become like. An accountant instead. BE HONEST"

also like recognises like and when they met they were both romantically still going through it so Sam definitely had a Recognition Through the Other moment. "That guy needs help. Yes I'm sure . No I'm not telling you why." they have mutual soft spots for each other bc i say so <3

Besties: What’s their friendship with Rowan like? What are some things only he knows about them?

it's a very two peas in a pod kind of deal. they're both warm friendly people and like to joke around and are difficult to anger. they also both share the sense of humor of a 12 years old. I think he's the one she's the most physically affectionate with out of everyone in the band. He's the only one who knows the full extent of how she felt about The Vote and what doubts THAT stirred >:( Like is she only valued for her voice??? if their fans preferred seven would she have gotten kicked to the curb instead?? fun stuff like that. She's 98% over it right now . On a good day. On a bad day I'll say 68% ☠️

Wild card: Tell us something about your MC! Feel free to really just roll us over with an emotional steamroller and crush the souls out of our bodies, if you’d like. (You’re also welcome to choose one of the other questions to answer!)

the whole tattoo ordeal with seven did not stop her liking of matching tattoos At All. She is nothing if not someone who repeats a mistake fifteen times dhdkdm she's constantly pitching ideas for like. A band tattoo they should all get or they should all draw something and she gets it all tattooed or Rowan can design something etc etc. sometimes her friends think it's because she wants a GOOD matching tattoo to redeem the first bad one but she genuinely doesn't regret it it's like. What if the relationship has soured or things go wrong it doesn't MATTER because there was a point in which they believed in it so much they were willing to permanently ink it on their skin. And that's never becoming untrue. It's real and that's what matters <3 That said her face still scrunches up like she bit into a lemon whenever she sees photos/videos of herself with the tattoo on full display. Hashtag no regrets

#she sounds like she's massively going through it i promise she's doing fairly well..........For Now #these took so loooong to answer too i'm sorry #oc: sam

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darlingpumpkin · 2 years

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if you’re doing requests right now is there any chance you could do a one-shot (preferably a long one) of stephen strange before he got his powers, so when he was a neurosurgeon, and where the reader and him have a kid together (gender doesn’t matter). some angst but they make up after…(;

thank you!!

So I wrote this because I had a couple of hours free and I could not stop thinking about this prompt! Thank you for requesting and I hope you like it! I haven't gotten the chance to read through the whole thing twice, so if there are typos, I'm so sorry and I will get to them later!

You watch the sky flash white and close your eyes in anticipation of the thunderclap. Three seconds later, it roars outside, completely unforgiving. 10:03, and he's still not home.

You've read the books. Seen the movies. No good story started out with a rainy evening. Somebody's either died, missing, or come bearing bad news.

One glance at the baby monitor, and you rush upstairs before the crying starts. You turn on the lights, and surely enough, Rosemary's face has scrunched up, about to unleash bloody murder.

"Oh sweetie," you coo gently. "It's okay. Here."

You turn on the mobile, and it plays a lullaby that Stephen chose for her before she was even born. He loved this song, and all he wanted was to pass on his love of music to his daughter.

You pick Rosemary up in an attempt to comfort her as lightning cracks across the sky again. She had Stephen's dark, curly hair, and it stuck up like a mad scientist's. Of course, he loved it and said that she was going to be a genius surgeon, just like him.

"Easy!" you had laughed. "She's going to be whatever she wants to be, and you're going to be supportive."

"Love grows where my Rosemary goes, and nobody knows like me." you sing along. You pad across the nursery with the baby on your hip and pull open the yellow curtains so you can look out at the street for any sign of Stephen's car.

He was out of reach, and you had called the hospital an hour ago. He had tended to his last patient and was out by 8 PM. Sure, he'd be unresponsive for long periods, but that was just the nature of his job. You knew marrying one of the top surgeons in the country would mean that sometimes, your relationship would take a backseat.

After all, he WAS saving lives.

Things were different now, though. He wanted a baby, and so had you, and he had made the commitment of showing up and being there for you and little Rosemary, so where the fuck was he?

There's a lump in your throat that was impossible to get rid of, and your hands are so sweaty you genuinely thought you might drop the baby.

You decided you might as well try to put her back to sleep. If she was up for any longer, you'd have to redo her sleep schedule all over again, and you had just gotten it down perfect this week.

You cradle her tiny body, and she looks up at you with her father's clear blue eyes. She doesn't look like you at all, but that was okay. You loved that she reminded you of Stephen.

After swaying her around for a bit, she falls into a deep sleep. You took advantage of this and moved to sit down on the beige nursing chair by the window.

The roar of a car engine cuts through the deafening sound of rainfall. You're instantly on your feet, careful not to wake the baby, and peek outside. Even though it's not the familiar hum of your husband's Lamborghini, you take your chances.

You wish you hadn't. Christine Palmer's Ioniq stops in front of your driveway. Your heart drops. At this point, you're not sure what's worse-- if she came with bad news about your husband or if your husband steps out of her car.

Moments later, the car's headlights turn off, and the engine follows. Each passing second feels like a year. Your throat is dry, your heart is in your stomach, and dammit, why isn't anyone stepping out of that car?

After what felt like forever, the passenger door opens, and the black Burberry umbrella you had gotten Stephen on your first anniversary is the first thing you see. Someone steps out, and even if the umbrella obscures his face, you know it's your Stephen. You'd be able to spot him from a mile away with ease.

He strides over to the driver's side, and he knocks on the window. It lowers, and you spot Christine. His ex, Christine. The same Christine who still smiles at your husband and seeks him out for second opinions on her cases.

They exchange a few words, she drives off, and Stephen makes his way to your front door right before he notices you watching from the nursery window on the second floor.

His eyes widen in surprise. You had caught him. That told you all you need to know.

How long has this been going on? Did he seek her out for comfort while you were pregnant? She knows about the baby. She was on duty when Rosemary was delivered and congratulated both of you as soon as you were back in your hospital room.

Within seconds, he's through your front door and up the stairs on his way to you.

Noticing that you're cradling Rosemary, he quietly approaches you.

"My darling, it's not what it looks like." he croaks. His hair is slightly wet, forming ringlets that stick to his forehead. His electric blue eyes are pleading, but this was much too much for you to handle tonight.

For hours, you had paced back and forth, worrying about his well-being while all this time, he had been out with Christine doing god knows what.

You take a step back, holding the baby protectively. "Please don't play me for a fool, Stephen. You can't talk your way out of this one."

"I'm not trying to. Please believe me. Somebody had slashed my tires and broken through my windows. That's why Christine gave me a ride home."

You roll your eyes. "That's convenient. Why didn't you call me?"

"My phone's dead," he responds instantly. Without missing a beat, he searches his pockets for it. "See?"

He tries pressing the buttons, and sure enough, the screen stays pitch black.

Afraid you're going to wake the baby, you softly set her down in her cradle. "It could have been anyone else, Stephen. Heck, you could have asked to book an Uber home."

You're not quite sure you believe him just yet, but you decided the exhaustion in his eyes earned him the benefit of the doubt.

He sighs despondently. "I didn't even think about that. Believe me, Y/N, all I thought about was coming home to you as soon as possible."

He runs his hands in frustration through his hair. "I just wanted to come home to you."

"I need a moment to think. Go shower. I'll fix you dinner." you tell him.

Half an hour later, you're sitting at your kitchen island, and Stephen comes down, fresh from his shower and clad in a white t-shirt and an old pair of sweatpants that you absolutely adored on him. It's like he was trying to distract you, and knowing your husband, his outfit choice was intentional.

He takes a seat in front of the plate you set out for him, but he doesn't touch his food. "Say you believe me."

"I don't." You respond flatly.

"I'm not a fool, Y/N. I love you. I love our life and Rosemary. Why would I do anything to jeopardize all of that?"

"I don't know, Stephen. Why is it that she's lurking around every corner, just ready to swoop in when I'm not around?"

Stephen doesn't say anything. He knows you're right. Christine didn't seem to pay him any attention until he brought you to the hospital's Christmas party. He never went to these silly events, but he had just told you he loved you, and he wanted his whole world to know it too.

Since then, Christine seemed dead set on winning him back. She'd come up with elaborate ways to spend time with him-- patients that needed a second opinion, cornering him into getting coffee with her, and one time, she even crashed one of your dinner dates just because she happened to be at the same restaurant as you.

She seemed nice enough, and you didn't mind. She just wanted the man who chose you over her, and you couldn't blame her, really. Stephen is handsome, renowned, and he's head over heels in love with you.

They didn't fit, and you two did, and you guess that was enough to make her do the things she did.

The sound of a vibration cuts through the silence. Stephen pulls out his phone, takes a quick glance at it, and sets it on the counter for you to read.

Thanks for letting me drive you home. Give my best to Y/N, and I hope they find the guy that did your windows in

-Christine

"Y/N, it was just a harmless ride home that got me home to you as soon as possible." He sighs.

Pushing back against the counter, he slides off of his stool and walks over to you cautiously. "I love you. Only you." Your chest tightens at hearing the sincerity in his voice.

Noting that you haven't moved away from him, he closes the space between you two, and he wraps you in a tight embrace. You breathe in the scent of him-soap and a hint of mint- and hesitantly hug him back.

"I was so worried," you cry into his chest.

In response, he tightens his hold around you and kisses the top of your head. "I'll always find my way home to you. No matter what."

You can't stop the tears streaming down your face, and you hate that you're ruining his fresh shirt, but Stephen couldn't care less.

He lifts up your chin so you're looking up at him, and he plants kisses all over your face- your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, and finally, your lips.

He kisses you like he'd been gone for months. His tongue teases your bottom lip, begging for entrance, and you give it to him. Stephen and his deep kisses. Stephen and his hands on the bare skin of your back. Stephen and his low moans of satisfaction. Stephen softly exploring the caverns of your mouth. Stephen stroking your stomach, only to move upward to graze your breasts.

He lifts you so that you're sitting on the counter, and he eases himself in between your legs.

"Let's hurry. The baby might wake up soon."

And with that said, he slowly makes his way down south, peppering you with slow, wet kisses as he lifts up your skirt.

#stephen strange fluff #doctor strange #stephen strange #dr strange #mcu imagine #doctor strange smut #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange smut #stephen strange x reader #multiverse of madness

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yourlocalmaraudersbabe · 3 years

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Hiiii, how are you? 💙 Can I request something fluffy with the marauders? Maybe a sleepover party at Y/n's house? And they also meet her parents and they love the boys 😊 I chose these prompts: “Do you want food?” “It’s 3 am.” and “Tea or hot chocolate?” “Why not both?”. Also congrats, you deserve much more! Your fanfics are amazing and you seem a very nice and friendly person! 💕💕

“I hope you like back rubs then"

Summary: Remus, Sirius, and James show up at your door for a sleepover

A/N: This request was really cute, I kinda wrote it as they were all together and I genuinely love the concept! Thanks for sending it in! Also we were having one of those moments where we just weren’t feeling the love for the rat over here… aka I did not include peter <3

Word Count: 1057

Masterlist + Characters and ships I write for

Requests are always open <3

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“What is all this?”

You questioned James, Sirius, and Remus standing at your doorstep, holding pillows and blankets and bags slung across their shoulders.

It had only been a couple hours since you got back to your parents house, bidding your goodbyes to the boys off the Hogwarts Express, leaving behind a great seventh year.

You were going to stay with your parents for a little bit until you could find a little place of your own, maybe even with the people at your front door.

“A surprise sleepover,” James phrased more like a question, still looking for you to say it was okay.

You outstretched your arms, wrapping them all up in a hug just before your mother appeared behind you.

“Who’s at the door, y/n?”

“These are my favorite people,” you said in a daze, glancing between the boys.

While introducing themselves to your mother, you could see it in her eyes that she clearly loved them already. “Oh, why are we standing out here? Come on in,” your mom urged.

She led all of you into the living room where your dad was messing with a deck of playing cards. “Hello there,” he sat up awkwardly in chair.

After a mere ten minutes, your dad was aboard the train of absolutely loving them.

“Um, I was wondering if it’s alright if they sleepover,” you spoke quickly, wanting to get out of the room.

“You boys are welcome anytime,” your dad said.

“We trust you all completely,” your mother added.

“On one condition,” your dad eased. “Your mother and I need a hug as payment.”

“Payment?” you asked, laughing. “I’m not a little kid anymore.”

Your parents held their arms open wide, posing to be completely serious. “You’re always going to be our little kid.”

James and Sirius were biting back laughs. “Yeah, you’re always going to be their little kid, y/n,” Remus teased.

“Oh I think Remus should join the hug too,” your mother insisted. “And I didn’t forget about you two either, James and Sirius.”

The boys wasted no time in all bear hugging you and your parents, letting go laughing.

You went down to your room, shutting your door softly and bracing your back against it.

“I don’t know how you did it, but they literally love you already.”

“Well that makes the whole y/l/n family then, huh?”

“Oh shut up,” you said, collapsing on the bed next to Remus.

He absentmindedly started playing with your hair while the four of you talked about what you wanted to do.

“Can I play music?” Sirius asked, dragging his fingers along the vinyl sleeves.

“Mhm, pick whatever you’d like.”

James helped him pick out a Beatles song before laying down across the foot of your bed.

“Can I paint your nails, Remus?” you asked, sitting up with excitement.

And that’s how you all ended up, hours later, with your nails painted.

“Do you want food?” Sirius asked abruptly.

“It’s three am,” James stated, rubbing his eyes.

Remus yawned, passing it onto you.

You wiped the inevitable water in your eyes, speaking. “I could go snag some food— Oh! Tea or hot chocolate?”

Sirius giggled, something he only did around the four of you. “Why not both?”

Remus groaned, rolling over on his side, his fingers spread apart as he waited for them to dry. “Oh, poor Rem,” you fake sympathized with him, thumbing the side of his face playfully. He shook you off, squirming and laughing.

You and Sirius left the room, walking quietly through the hallway and downstairs, careful not to wake your sleeping parents.

Sirius looped his forefinger around your pinky as you led him to the kitchen. He flipped the light on, and started his search for a teapot. You started on the hot chocolate, pulling out eight mugs.

You sat up on the counter, tilting your head back against the cupboard. Sirius pressed himself next to you, shoulder to shoulder. “You couldn’t just choose, could you?” you asked, gesturing to the absurd amount of glasses on the other side of the kitchen.

“Shh,” he shushed you, holding a finger over his lips, laughing a little. “I obviously could not. Plus- it’s more fun,” he said mumbling against your hair, pulling you closer.

He kissed the top of your head, the both of you enjoying the quiet.

Remus and James appeared from the dark, handing in hand, looking to be clinging on for their lives. “Merlin, y/n, this house is ridiculously scary at night.”

“Don’t worry, the ghosts usually go away by now.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Remus humored you as they picked up where you and Sirius left off.

Twenty minutes later after having helped the boys bring snacks and drinks back to your room, you walked in for the final time, finding them all squished on top of your bed. “Y’know, we all don’t have to be smashed on the bed,” you started to drag an extra comforter on the carpet, laying it out.

You threw pillows on one end as Remus crawled off the bed, soon followed by James, and of course, who was followed by Sirius. “You guys,” you laughed.

They sat up, sipping from their cups when they pleased, admiring the beautifully painted nails now all present in this room.

You laid down first, resting your head against the first pillow you threw down and without a doubt, after finishing their drinks, they did the same. “Are we seriously all going to sleep on the floor when there’s an empty bed right there?”

“It’s more interesting down here,” Remus said playfully.

“Oh yes, because I love waking up with a sore back.”

“Don't worry, I’ll wake you up with a back rub.”

“Remus, I swear— Do not wake me up,”

James and Sirius made themselves comfortable next to each other, absentmindedly playing with one another’s hands as they watched you and Remus.

“What if I do?”

“I-” you stammered over your words, trying to come up with a lighthearted threat. “I’d kiss you angrily,” the four of you laughed as you laid down in defeat.

He leaned over you, grabbing your hands, pressing them into the side of your pillow. He connected his lips to yours before lying down with the rest of you..

“I hope you like back rubs then.”

Marauders Era Taglist(send me an ask to be removed): @violetrainbow412-blog @scorpiobaby22 @harrypotter0addict @siriusbarnesslut @talksoprettyjjx

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witch-city · 2 years

Text

your twelve days of christmas

marvel masterlist | marvel headcanons | navigation

yelena belova x reader

a/n: i was stretching it a little bit on some of these, but you get the picture...enjoy!

warnings: none! pure, tooth-rotting fluff!

requests are open!

as much as yelena LOVES american holidays and traditions, she's not very clear on all of them

like trick-or-treating

she honestly thought that it was like a truth or dare thing where the trick-or-treater would choose one and that's what they would get

and last new years, when you were visiting your family with her, she nearly grabbed her gun when your family members opened doors and yelled that something was rushing out the door

you had to physically restrain her, which was very hard by the way, just to explain to her that new years tradition

her most recent confusion was about the 12 days of christmas song

she thought that it was a tradition for americans to give their loved ones gifts on the twelve days leading up until christmas

december 14

on december 14, yelena gave you 12 pieces of paper in a jar

needless to say, you were very confused

but when you looked closer at those pieces of paper, you noticed her handwriting on them

you pulled the slips of paper out of the jar and read each one

it took you a moment to realize that she was listing twelve reasons why she loved you

her reasons went as such:

you let me protect you

you listen and try to understand

you never judge me

you try to take care of me (even when i don't want you to)

you can always make me laugh

you enjoy eating the food i cook

you make me smile when you smile

your beautiful, perfect face

you don't mind my family no matter how annoying they are

you are gentle and thoughtful

you never second-guess choosing me

you are you, and that's enough

december 15

on december 15, yelena gave you 11 HUGE bouquets of all of the colors of the rainbow

the flowers she chose were:

calla lily (white)

azalea (pink)

rose (red)

tulip (orange)

sunflower (yellow)

carnation (green)

blue daisy (light blue)

iris (blue)

lavender (indigo)

lilac (purple)

winter pansy (black)

december 16

on december 16, yelena took you to a nearby bowling alley

for every pin you did (or didn't) knock down, of which there are 10, she gave you a kiss

for one game, that would be like 20 kisses

and you didn't play just once

december 17

on december 17, yelena gave you a 3 year old cat (with 9 lives)

it was a BEAUTIFUL fluffy ragdoll

it was mainly white with brownish-greyish bits on the tail and face

you literally fell in love with it

yelena explained to you that she had gotten her from a shelter and she was about to be put down since nobody wanted her

you named her dima, which means "strong warrior"

december 18

on december 18, yelena gave you 8 pies

of course, yelena made them all herself

how? you had no clue

nevertheless, they were AMAZING

she had made:

cherry pie

pecan pie

pumpkin pie

blueberry pie

apple pie

peach pie

coconut cream pie

december 19

on december 19, yelena gave you tickets for 7 separate vacations to each of the seven continents of the world

they were planned for the summer, of course

naturally, you were very excited

december 20

on december 20, yelena gave you a simple little poem that she wrote with 6 lines

she wrote:

"once i sat engaged and blessing, remembering many romances, beloved desires, when my heart got stuck in the briars.

i awoke and flung the feeling; shook and spun off nature's dart, realizing i was the bur upon your heart.

yelena <3"

december 21

on december 21, yelena took you on a day trip through all 5 of the boroughs in new york

on your little trip, you saw or went on:

the bronx zoo and new york botanical garden in the bronx

the brooklyn bridge and dyker heights in brooklyn

the rockefeller center tree and times square in manhattan

museum of the moving image and cunningham park in queens

the staten island ferry and the boat graveyard in staten island

december 22

on december 22, yelena introduced you to the fantastic four

johnny, of course, tried his hardest to get your number, but stopped after his sister, sue, gave him a dirty glare

ben was pretty intimidating

i mean, how could he not be

he was huge

but he was really nice

and so was sue and reed

ugh you loved sue immediately

she was so kind and friendly (and got her brother to stop flirting with you), so what was there not to like?

and reed talked the most, but he seemed really smart and nice

overall, a great experience

you thanked yelena with as many kisses as she would allow

december 23

on december 23, yelena gave you every movie from each of the star wars trilogies

that's a total of 19 hours and 39 minutes worth of star wars movies

naturally, you two spent the rest of the day, curled up on the couch while watching them together

well, you weren't watching the whole time

of course, sometimes one or both of you fell asleep or just had a conversation mid-movie

the movie wasn't that important to either of you though, so it was okay

december 24, christmas eve

on december 24, christmas eve, yelena gave you a pair of ice skates

yelena knew that you were interested in skating, so she thought to get you a pair

and these weren't just a crappy beginner's pair

no, not even close

these were literally over $100,000

like hello?? yelena?? what are you doing spending that much on a pair of ice skates

you were super grateful though

you ended up going out that night to a local skating rink and trying them out

(you loved them)

december 25, christmas day

and finally, on december 25, christmas day, yelena gave you a box

it was a simple, little, velvet box

there was no fancy decoration or anything

it was just a box

but how yelena gave it to you and its contents were not so simple

you opened it and saw a ring

a beautifully adorned ring with a HUGE diamond in the center

when you looked back to her, she was on one knee

she opened her mouth to make some huge speech about how much she loved you

but you didn't need to hear it

you already knew all about that

you didn't even give her a chance to talk

you just whispered a gentle 'yes' and kissed her like you never had before

and that was the greatest gift of all...not the ring

no, you couldn't care less about the ring

it was yelena that was the gift you cherished most

#yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova x you #yelena belova fluff #yelena belova headcanons #request #ficmas21 #mine.

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enthusiasticharry · 3 years

Text

the one where you and harry are keeping a secret from your brother, who happens to hate harry’s guts.

author’s note : hello everyone! i'm back with another fic, one that i can't believe i wrote so quickly to say the least. this is part of @harrystylescherry‘s playlist challenge. i chose drive on by miss charlotte clark because it is an amazing song, and i can only hope that i’ve don't it justice.

word count : 13.9k of a lot of angst, smut and only a tiny bit of fluff. i really don't know what happened to me.

please talk to me about drive on here. let me know what you think :)

But if we parted I'd be half-hearted So I'll leave the light on

As you were getting ready that evening, you knew that you were going to have to try your hardest to not show that you were absolutely dreading what was about to happen. The light sounds of Fleetwood Mac filled your room as you finished making sure that you looked okay. It seemed as though the longer that you looked at yourself in the mirror, the more you started to doubt that you actually looked okay.

You tilted your head to the side as you looked in the mirror, running your eyes up and down your own body as if to check that you’re at least presentable. Your outfit wasn’t too out of the ordinary, just a pair of black, flared trousers and a white knitted jumper because you knew that it is going to be quite chilly and you are going to be outside for a large portion of the evening and you make sure to pair it with some white trainers, ones that match so you start to feel a little more put together. Even though it certainly wasn’t the most out there outfit, it was okay and you had to keep reminding yourself of that.

Walking down the stairs, you could hear the mumbling of your brother, Isaac, in the kitchen, along with someone else’s voice that you immediately recognise as Daisy, your best friend. You’re not exactly surprised at their discussion, because whenever they’re alone in a room together you know that it doesn’t usually end up with them discussing sunshine and rainbows. The more you think about it, the more you struggle to determine which one out of the two of them is more stubborn, because they both are just as stubborn as each other.

“Baby sis!” You try not to roll your eyes at your brother’s greeting, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“We’re coming with you.” You respond, walking forward so that you can greet your friend with a hug. You knew that it was going to be a long shot of him letting you come with him, but if Daisy was too you knew that he wouldn’t be able to say no, and that’s why you go with her every single time. It’s how you’re cheated the system of having an overprotective brother.

“I thought you were going to Daisy’s for a sleepover?” He questions, and you nod your head.

“I am.” You smile, “But after.”

You walk over to grab yourself a bottle of water out of the fridge because you know that if you look at him in the eyes he’ll be staring at you in a way that you could do without. You know that he’s only saying the things that he is because he’s protective of you, but you also have to keep reminding him that it wasn’t the first time that you had gone out and been to a race with him, and it certainly wasn’t going to be the last.

Chugging down a bit of the water, Daisy extends her arm out to you and you pass the bottle to her, watching as she takes a sip before passing it back to you so that you can put the cap on. Even though you have been to the races before, that certainly didn’t meant that every time you did go you found yourself being more and more nervous for what you’re going to witness. It’s dangerous, and sometimes you feel a though you’re the only one out of all of them to notice that.

“Every fucking time.” Isaac shakes his head and you smile.

“Thank you.” You had an obnoxious grin on your face as you say the words, and you know it.

“Yeah, well. . .” He shakes his head, “Just come on and let’s get in the fucking car.”

The first time you went to one of the races, you remember not being able to focus on anything other than the fact that anyone could get really injured, or even die, at any second if they’re not careful. Maybe you were just too overly cautious, and you couldn’t ever find yourself focusing on the thrill and excitement of it all because you were too worried that someone was going to get hurt. It was even worse when the person you were worried about was someone you cared about like you did your brother.

“One of these days you will take me without putting up a fight.” You say, following him towards his car, “I don’t know when it will be but I can feel it.”

He looks at you as he opens his door, “That’s never going to happen. For one, I hate that you even come to where the races are held, more so that you stand and watch them.”

You shrug and climb in the car, “Mum and Dad don’t know that you race, and if they’re not able to be there and worry about your safety then I am going to be the one to do so. Can’t have you risking your life and at least not one of us being there.”

He shakes his head and tuts, “I’m not risking my life. It’s just competitive driving.”

You furrow your eyebrows and you hear Daisy chuckle, “You’re delusional.”

“Says you.”

The two of you hear a tut coming from the back seat, “I know the two of you are siblings, and this is just what I have to deal with, but sometimes I really do wonder whether or not you’re children hidden in fully grown bodies.”

“I’m not the child.” Isaac’s quick to say, “If anything, you’re the child!”

“Really?” You shake your head, “You must know that you saying that basically proving everything! You’re the child, Isaac.”

“God, I wish I’d never said anything.” Daisy shakes her head and you cross your arms over your chest, pouting slightly but trying not to make it too obvious because you really were trying to be the adult in this situation.

You and Isaac weren’t the closest of siblings, to say the least. The two of you never did much together and if you did it wasn’t voluntarily, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t care for each other because you certainly did. The two of you would protect each other without any hesitation, in any situation because that was the type of siblings that you were. That didn’t mean that you were friends, though, because you didn’t have to be. You loved each other, and you cared for each other, but you didn’t have to be friends with each other and you were both okay with that. It was was though you both had an unspoken agreement that you’d look out for each other in this way.

Turning onto the ever so familiar field, you know that it isn’t going to be long before your heart rate is going to feel as though it is beating out of your chest and your palms are going to start to get sweaty. You believed that you brother was good at what he did, he wouldn’t have gotten as far as he had if he didn’t, but even if someone is as good and as talented as he was that didn’t meant that accidents don’t happen.

There isn’t just that fact that your brother is good at the sport to contend with, but also the fact that some people who do it may not be as good as he is, and they could be reckless, and in drag racing, recklessness gets people in trouble. You knew that, he knew that and everyone who participated and watched knew that. You knew that there were some people there just to watch the race whilst getting drunk with their friends and you didn’t mind that because that was what it was there to do, but you couldn’t stand the people who were there in hopes that something did go wrong, just to see a little bit of action in their boring day to day lives.

You supposed that a part of your worry for these games were because you weren’t just worried about your brother, you were worried about somebody else also. Isaac stopped the car so that you and Daisy could get out but you hesitated before doing so. You looked at him, and he nodded at you so you nodded your head and again and got out. You stood and watched as he drove away, making his wear to where all of the participants line up their cars before it starts.

Your eyes follow him, all the way along the man-made little road on the field and to where the other cars were. That’s when you see him, stood in exactly the same place as he was a few weekends before this one and a few weekends before that, leant against his car and his arms crossed as he chewed some gum.

The insides of your stomach flutter, and not in nervousness but instead in the complete opposite way. He catches your eyes straight away, raising his eyebrows at you as you smile at him. You nod your head, trying hard not to let too big of a blush cover your cheeks and he nods back. That’s as far as your interaction with Harry can go at the moment, because if anyone saw the two of you communicating you knew that all hell would break loose and you certainly didn’t want to be around to see that.

The race was going to start any second, and you made your way over to where Daisy was stood, knowing that she would have saved you a spot next to her so that you didn’t have to try and manoeuvre your way through the crowd to get a good spot to watch. You were relieved that you had arrived here not early enough to have to wait hours like you had before, because it was in the time like that where the overpowering feeling of worry was able to slip into you like nothing else and you would try really hard to overpower it but the majority of the time you never felt as though you could.

What YN worried about the most though, was the fact that whoever could be injured in the race, or something worse, were both people that YN loved. The two of them for different reasons, of course, but it was still love and all of the love you felt for them was important. You watched as they both sat in their cars, driving towards the starting line with such an ease that you wondered whether or not they’d be able to do it in their sleep. You wouldn’t be surprised if they could. You know that Harry has raced in hundreds of races, and you also know that your brother is quickly catching up to that, but that doesn’t make it any easier, for them or for you.

“Ready racers?” A woman walked in between the cars and held up a flag. Both her brother and Harry respond by a roar of their engine, “3! 2! 1! Go!”

You look down slightly once you hear their cars start, going along the man-made path and over all of the hills and round all of the bends. You only look down for a second before looking up and watching as they drive away from you. The people around you cheer, and Daisy even cheers from the side of you but all you can make up the courage to do is clap your hands slightly. Every time you stand and watch a race, you always say to yourself that you’ll never do it again because you don’t think that you’re heart will survive it, but then you always come back to watch the next race because you physically can’t keep away. Not when two people you love are doing something that you know could end badly.

They drive around, the two of them doing anything they can to try and throw the other off track but you know that it probably won’t work, because it works with everyone else but hardly ever with each other. You know that whoever wins will do so because of their speed, because that’s how it always happens when the two are up against each other. You stand there watching them drive for what feels like hours, the cheers only getting louder as the two of them fight for the first place prize.

As the finishing line draws to a close, they’re playing cat and mouse with each other, and you know whoever is next to cross in front will win.

It’s Isaac. Isaac won. You’re happy for him, but at the same time you know that Harry isn’t going to be the happiest but you’ll just have to remind him that he won last time and that he has to let other people win at some point. Your brother was cheering when he got out of his car, and you could see his friends bouncing over to him with smiles on their faces and drinks in their hands. You and Daisy make your way over, but you aren’t as excited they seem to see him.

“Are you two leaving now?” He asks and you and Daisy look at each other before nodding, “Satisfied?”

“Very.” You nod, “Well done.”

“Thanks.” He raises his hand up and points at you, “Am I picking you up tomorrow?”

You shake your head, managing to keep your cool as you did, “Daisy said she’ll drive me back. I don’t know whether you’ll be at work by the time we’re ready.”

“Sounds good. See you tomorrow.”

You physically let out a sigh of relief when you walk away and he believed you. You hate lying to him, you really do, but you just don’t see any other option to do what you’re doing without lying, which is horrible buy you really don’t know another wine.

Daisy slips her arm into yours as you walk away, “Where’s he meeting you?”

“In the usual place.” You nod, “I couldn’t see him when we were over there so I think he’s already gone.”

“Okay.” She nods, “I’m catching a ride with Dennis, will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” You smile.

“Call me if you need anything?”

“You know I will.”

“Good.” She wraps her arms around you before pulling away, “See you soon?”

“See you soon.”

The walk to the edge of the field, just behind a row of trees that hide Harry’s car from the watchful eye of others isn’t a long one, and you can feel the butterflies bubbling in the pit of your stomach the closer you walked to it. Just as every time you did this, your stomach was in twists and turns tightly in your stomach until you have to place your hand upon it as though it would calm it but it doesn’t. It doesn’t calm down until you see the back of the man you loves head, a slight cloud of smoke around his head and his leather jacket on his body. A smile immediately broke out over your lips.

You bound over to him, immediately wrapping your arms around his waist and placing your cheek against the leather of his jacket. You can feel him tense underneath your touch slightly but once you hear and feel him chuckle, his whole body relaxes.

He hums, “Who might that be?”

He grabs your hands and lightly pulls them away from his body so that he can turn around and place his hands around her back. You grin and place your chin on his chest, laughing softly as he leans down and places multiple kisses around your face, “Harry!”

“What?” He grinned pulling away from you, shrugging his shoulders, “Do you not like my kisses or something?”

You chuckle, “I love your kisses, but don’t you think they can wait until we’ll out of public. Away from my brother.”

He pouts, dropping his head to your shoulder, “I suppose.”

Harry walks over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for you. As you walked towards him, you placed a kiss to his cheek and slipped into the car. The nerves were back in your stomach as you watched Harry walk around the car and slip into the driver’s seat. The two of you don’t get to see each other as much as you’d possibly like to, so nights like these were special to you, and you hoped that he was just as excited and nervous as you were.

The second Harry was sat in his seat, and had started the car, his hand was on your thigh, squeezing the flesh through your trousers at you sat there. You really had missed feeling having him touching you, even though it hadn’t been that long. If it was up to you, Harry would be with you everyday and you would be able to kiss and touch him everyday without any issues, but you knew that just wasn’t the case.

You and Harry had been together for a little shy of three years now, hiding your relationship from literally everyone apart from a few trusted people on each side of you. It wasn’t that you wanted to hide, but you both knew that you just had to if you were going to be able to have the relationship that you had. When you were younger, Harry and Isaac were best friends. You could always remember sitting in the back of the car after behind picked up from school and being squashed into the door because the middle seat was always taken by Harry. You can’t quite remember why the two of them fell out, but you did remember that it happened when the three of you were around fifteen or sixteen.

It was a shock to everyone, because the two of them had been friends for the longest of times and Isaac did seem to be in a rut once it had happened. You had tried to talk to him about it a few times but he never said anything, so you turned to the one other person in the situation who might have to been able to help you. Harry. At first, he seemed to be completely shocked when you walked over to him one day after school and jumped into his car. He actually looked quite taken aback, but when you started asking questions about the falling out he just went quiet.

To this day you still don’t know what had happened between the two of them, but you do know that was the day that you relationship with Harry turned from being the generally acquaintances because you’re friends with my brother to something more. Harry was somebody who you had grown up with, and yes you could admit that he was handsome, but you’d never thought of him in a romantic way up until that point. A part of you wished that you had picked up on it early because you may have been able to kiss him sooner than you had but you were happy, and the two of you were now three years going strong.

The fact that your brother and Harry had fallen out, and when the two of you got together it was really rocky between them, you both decided that the best thing to do was just not to tell him, which led to not telling anyone. You had said that when things improved between the two of them you would tell him, but once the Drag Racing started, there was no way that it would ever improve between the two of them, and you just had to accept that.

Arriving at Harry’s apartment, it was almost as though your body was working on auto-pilot when Harry opened the door and you walked through. You kicked your shoes off by the door, walked into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water and made your way into his bedroom. Harry was already stood in the small room, placing his jacket in his wardrobe. You quickly started to undress, swapping your clothes for one of Harry’s shirts and a pair of your pyjama shorts. You walk into the bathroom to take your makeup off and brush your teeth.

“Have you had any more thought into our anniversary trip?” Harry called from the bedroom.

“I’ve thought about it.” You say, running your make up wipe over your eyes, “That’s about it.”

You can hear his sigh even from the other room, and your inside’s twists in not the good way. The anniversary trip had been something that the two of you had spoken about for a long time, and it would be coming in a few months and Harry had been on your back for a long time so that they could get it booked, but you were thinking about a lot of other things rather than booking a holiday. You did hate that you didn’t have anything more to say to him, because you knew that he was disappointed, but there was only so much that you could say.

“I’ll need to book time off of work soon, YN.” He appears only in his boxers in the doorway, leant against it with his arms crossed, “I need to know the dates.”

“I know.” You sigh, turning so that your hip was leant against the counter, “I still just need to figure out what I’m going to tell Isaac.”

Harry sighs and runs his hand over his face, “I know. We can think of what to say to him later, but as soon as possible can you tell me the dates.”

He walks over and places his hands on your waist and you nod, “I will. I’ll check when I get home.”

“Good.” He presses a kiss to your cheek.

You hated hiding things from Harry, you really did, because that man really was your soulmate and the person in this world that you told everything to, so it felt horrible to be hiding something from him. Hiding things from Harry felt like ripping your heart from your chest — you just couldn’t do it— but here you were, doing it without anything happening.

It had been a long night for the two of them, and you knew that even though Harry had a brave face on, you knew that inside he probably wasn’t too happy that he’d lost. The thing about Harry, and your brother for that matter, was that they are so competitive, especially with each other, that when either one of them loses they try to seem like they don’t care but they do. When you walked back into the room, Harry was already in bed with his arms crossed and his face in a sulk.

You sighed and walked over to your side of the bed, pulling the duvet back and slipping under. Harry didn’t even turn to look at you, so you wrapped your arm around his waist and placed your head upon his chest so that he couldn’t help but look at her. You knew that the main thing that you needed to do right now was try and get him out of the rut. It could spring on him at any point but it was never anything that was easy to get him out of. You sighed and pressed a kiss to his bare chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You mumbled against his chest.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He mumbled and you shook your head, lifting your hand up to push some of his hair out of his face.

“There obviously is.” You sighed, “You’re in your rut. Talking about it takes you out of it. I know that, you know that, but you’re just too stubborn to realise this.”

“I’m not too stubborn.” He pouts and you shake your head with a roll of your eyes, raising one of your eyebrows at him, “I just. . . fucking hate loosing to him. Talking about the anniversary, and I know why you haven’t said anything about it yet, baby, just reminded me. I’m sorry.”

You hesitate for a second before smiling at him, “I know you are, H, don’t worry. It’s my fault. I should’ve told you.”

“Don’t.” He shakes his head and leans forward, placing his hand upon your cheek, “Don’t apologise. I get that it’s hard for you, I know. I just. . . wish that I could take it all away from you. It’s my fault that you’re having to keep secrets from your brother.”

You shake your head, “It’s not your fault. I promise that it isn’t your fault. There’s been hundreds of times in the past three years when I could have told him.”

“It’s not just you. We need to tell him.”

If you needed anything else to love Harry for (which you really don’t because you love him with you’re entire being) you feel as though this would be one of those things. You couldn’t believe how understanding he was, and even though the two of you did have times where you butted heads on things, it was never over anything big like this. The two of you made sure that if you ever did have a problem that you needed to sort, there would be some arguing and shouting but there is in any couple, but the two of you always made up before it ended up turning ridiculous.

You turned your head to Harry and placed you lips on his, pushing his shoulders down with your hand so that he’s on your back. You move slightly underneath the duvet that you were both under, manoeuvring yourself so that you were hovering over his body, the two of your lips never separating. You were straddling him, your hands resting on the pillow by Harry’s head. Your hips ground against his boxers involuntarily, and you can feel him smiling against him. Harry moaned into your mouth, and you could feel his bulge growing harder and bigger beneath you.

Pulling away slightly you lean forward and place your forehead upon his, smiling as you place a small kiss to his nose. The hard and stern face of your boyfriend that you had seen earlier when he was racing had completely disappeared, and it was now replaced by his soft and flush features that he only ever saved for when he was with you, and you loved it. You could still feel his hard-on rubbing against your thigh, and you leant forward and placed your lips back on his. His arms wrapped around your waist and back, slipping them down until he could squeeze and knead the flesh over your pyjama short.

“You know I fucking love you, right?” He mumbles against your lips and you nod.

His hips continue to buck up to yours, whilst you grind yours back down to him. You pulled away and leant your head upon his forehead again, “I know you love me. You know I love you?”

He responded you flipping you over, his body now hovering over you. He gave you a boyish smile and nodded his head, leaning his head back down to place his lips on your neck, pressing small little kisses to the skin.

“I know you love me.” He mumbles against her lips, “Do you wanna feel me, baby? Have you missed me?”

You responded with a moan, the sound of his raspy voice goes all the way from your ear, all the way down your spine to the heat between your legs. You wouldn’t be surprised if your panties were completely ruined by now.

“Of course I’ve missed you.” You mumble against his lips, your cheeks flushing as you admit it to him. For years you two have been this close, but it didn’t stop you from being nervous every single time that you are near each other. It’s always how it had been, and probably how it will always be but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Tell me how much you’ve missed me.” He kissed down your neck, and you couldn’t help the smile that crossed you face as he did so, “Don’t hold back, baby.”

You threw your head back as he moved downwards, threading your fingers through his hair as you did so. You just hoped that it made him feel better than it was.

Walking home the next morning, your entire body was relaxed and happy in a way that it only ever is after you’d spent time with Harry. If you passed anyone in the street, you smiled at them and there was a slight bounce in your step. There was an excitement that there hadn’t been in you for a long time because you were going to look over your schedule and finally get yourself sorted for your anniversary trip with Harry. Walking through the door that goes into kitchen, you immediately walk over to the fridge to take the orange juice out.

“Morning little sis.” You jump out of your skin and turn around, leaning your back against the counter and lifting your hand up to your chest as it beats in your chest. Looking at your brother, it seemed as though he had just got back from a run, since he was all sweaty, he had his running shoes on and his headphones around his neck. Immediately your heart started to beat in your chest quicker, and the relaxation that you had felt before had immediately left your body and you feel back on edge as you do a lot of the time recently.

“Morning.” You grin, turning back around to open a cupboard to grab a glass that you could fill with the orange juice carton that you were still holding, “Been for a run?”

He nods his head, walking over to the fridge and taking out a bottle of water. When he wasn’t looking directly at you, a sigh escaped your lips. It was quickly over and he was looking at you again, leant against the counter across from you with his arms crossed.

“Woke up with the want to go for a run.” He explained and you furrowed your eyebrows, looking at him and he chuckles, “I know, totally unlike me but I really did just feel like it.”

You nod, your fingers tapping on the counter slightly, “Did you. . . did you go on your normal route?”

Isaac shakes his head, “I met up with D’Angelo. We went to the lake.”

Just like that, the worry that was in your body had left. The lake was on the other side of the town to where Harry lived, and where Isaac normally ran meaning that he couldn’t have seen you leaving Harry’s house which was good. You were starting to realise that the more you had to make sure that your brother hadn’t seen or didn’t know anything about you and Harry, the harder it was becoming for you to keep track of everything. The lie of staying over at Daisy’s had worked for years now, but the older that you got and the more that situations were changing for the two of you, it was harder to keep it as a lie.

“Was it busy?” You ask, trying to make conversation that made it seem as though everything was normal and nothing had happened.

He shakes his head, “Not really.” He hesitates for a second before looking up at you and tilting his head to the side, “I did see Daisy and Dennis though.”

And just like that, your whole body was back to being on edge and nervous. The only way that you could describe how you felt was a mixture of both shock and immediate nervousness. Isaac continued to drink from the bottle in his hand, with no malice or shock on his features at all. If he did know something, he would’ve had said something by now and you knew that because of how well you knew him and that’s in one of the ways how you were both similar — when you knew something, you couldn’t keep it a secret.

It was something that you had grown up with, your inability to keep secrets and you were honestly and truthfully so surprised that you and Harry had managed to keep your relationship a secret for so long. This wasn’t the first time that you had thought that Isaac had found out about your relationship, and it wasn’t the first time that you hadn’t been able to figure out how to get out of it but you knew that you would be able to get yourself out of it. You hoped that you would be able to get yourself out it.

You were started to get quite nervous though, with sweaty palms and a heart beating directly up against your chest. Your mind spiralled and you hoped that you were going to hear something that would stop your chest in the next few minutes.

“Did you?” You cleared your throat to make it seem as though you were more put together than you were.

He hums, “Yeah. They explained that you were walking home and that Dennis’ arrival was out of the blue.”

You nod and smile, your heart stopping to beat so quickly the second those words escaped her lips, “Yeah. He appeared and asked her to go on a walk before work later. I said that I’d just walk home so that Daisy could go. I think he’s going to ask her out soon.”

Isaac scoffs and crossing his arms over his chest, “I hope so. They’ve only been dancing around it for the last few years.”

You nod, “We’ve all said it. I don’t know how many times we’ve told her but anyway, I’m going to get in the shower before getting ready for work.”

You’re quick to walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs with your head spinning. The entire time that you’re getting ready, showering and doing your hair, standing in front of your mirror and looking at the marks that Harry had left over the entirety of your skin before putting your work uniform on, you’re thinking about what you’re going to do. Today you were going to book some time off work from the café during the week of your anniversary, and even though that Daisy would know why you were doing that, you didn’t have to tell anyone else there. When it came to being at home, and telling your brother why you were going to be leaving for a month whilst Daisy stayed at home was going to be hard to explain to say the least. You were going to have to think very carefully about what you were going to say.

Walking into the small café you worked at not that long later, you were happy to finally be in the place where anything else that happened in your life went to the back of your mind and you could focus on making drinks and serving customers. You had worked at the café since the day you turned eighteen, and you had worked there ever since. It wasn’t what you wanted to do forever, working in the little café with your best friend and your boss that is just an absolute asshole, but you just haven’t got the funds or was it the right time for you to try and get your dream going.

Your dream, albeit a big one, was to one day own your own café that sold your own treats that you made and looked the exact way that you wanted it to. You had been planning your own café and telling everyone you knew about it since sitting in your maths classes in middle school when you realised that school really wasn’t for you. You were okay in school, and you got good enough grades, but none to get you to what you wanted to do in life. Over the last three years, many of your conversations with Harry had been about your café and how you would work there whilst he would take over his father’s mechanical shop.

That was the plan for the future, but first — you had a shift to do and you had a lie to think of.

“Afternoon.” You mumbled as you walked into the small café, Daisy’s eyes immediately widening as she takes a look at you stood there, “How are you?”

“I’m sorry.” Daisy blurts out, not being able to stop herself from doing so, “I really didn’t know that he was going to be there, if I did I would have never gone there, you know that.”

“I know.” You walk over and wrap your arms around her shoulders briefly, “He doesn’t know, it’s fine. I shouldn’t be relying on you so much, Daisy, I know that. I’m trying to figure out what to do.”

“It’s okay, YN.” She mumbles, placing her hand upon your shoulder with a smile, “I know why you’ve done it, but I’m glad you’re finally coming to your senses. It’s three years too late, but at least you’re here.”

“At least it’s happening now.” You sigh, widening your eyes as you look at her.

“You’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.”

You sigh and nod your head, hoping that she was right.

You heard Harry’s car before you could see it, pulling up outside of your house in a quick stop so that you could quickly duck out and get it. Isaac was out for the night, doing another race in another town that Harry couldn’t do because he had work, so they had decided to spend the night together. Due to Isaac being out of town, they decided that they might even be able to go for a meal, to a restaurant, like a normal couple would.

You gave him a small smile and a peck on the lips as you sat in the car. There hadn’t been much discussion between you and Harry that week, not since you had left his that morning. It was odd, because the two of you spoke everyday, even if it was just to check that the other was okay, but the conversation this week had been limited to you asking him to come for a meal and him replying saying that he would. You always knew that this day would come, where the unspoken issue between the two of you had become too much for you to handle.

You had tried five times over the last week to say something to Isaac, trying to drop it in to normal conversation but you always dived away from it, as though you couldn’t allow yourself to say what you wanted to say to him. You had never been as nervous before in your life, and all you had to do was tell him about a secret that involved the one person that Isaac hated most in life and his twin sister. You just had to try your hardest to remind yourself over and over again that it was the best thing to do, and that you’d be happy if you were able to get the words out, but you just couldn’t.

The two of you arrived at a restaurant on the outskirts of the town you lived in, one that meant you would be safe if Isaac did return home and one that the two of you also knew would serve good food. The car ride continued without any words spoken between the two of them, and you tried your hardest to not feel the nerves bubbling inside of you, but you also knew that there was a reason why you were going to have this conversation with him, and there was a reason why you needed to feel nervous for it.

Sitting across from Harry in a booth that sat at the front of the restaurant, you couldn’t even bring yourself to take your eyes off of his face. There hadn’t been a lot of times during your relationship with Harry where you had felt like this, and it was usually always when the two of you were discussing the exact topic that you knew that you were going to be now. Whilst you couldn’t take your eyes off of Harry, it seemed as though he wanted nothing more than to not look at you.

“Hey.” He didn’t look up from the menu that he had in his hand, “Are you going to even look at me?”

You watch as he doesn’t even move a muscle, never mind do the thing that you wanted him to do which was look at you, “I’ve looked at you.”

“Not since we’ve sat down you haven’t.”

You watch as he sighs and drops the menu down so that it was rested upon the table between you and lifts his eyes up to look at you, “Happy now?”

A small smile breaks out your face, a sarcastic one at that, but a smile nonetheless, “Very.”

Harry rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. You look at him with your eyes widened. Why this was happening all of a sudden, you didn’t know, but you had a slight suspicion that you weren’t going to be able to argue your way out of this one with him like you had done in the past. The first thing that led you to believe that was the fact that you were in a public place, where you had to do your best to make sure that you were going to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

As a whole, you were ashamed of your actions over the years, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to apologise for everything that you had done in the past but you could at least try. Everything had changed now that you had your three year anniversary coming up, and you realised that there was so much more to life than trying to hide a stupid secret from your brother.

“Harry.” You start, a sigh immediately leaving your lips after, “I’m sorry. I really am.” He nods his head, “I don’t expect you to accept my apology, and I certainly don’t expect you to forgive me for the shit that I’ve put you through these last couple of years, but, I want to let you know that I am trying to fix things. I promise you.”

He sighs, “I don’t know how you can, YN. I’ve thought about it a lot recently, in the past week, since our conversation last week.”

“I have too.” You nod, your fingers messing with the hem of your jacket, “I have too. I’ve tried so many times, to tell him, but I just can’t and I don’t know why. He can’t do anything, I’m a grown ass woman and he’s just my brother. He can’t tell me who I can and can’t love, and I do love you Harry more than anything, but there’s a part of me that just can’t tell him.”

Harry cleared his throat and sighed, “I never told you the reason we argued.”

You shake your head, “Neither of you did.”

“Do you want to know?” He asked.

You shrugged, “I don’t know. . . if it will help, than yes.”

Harry sighed and nodded his head, running his finger over his bottom lip the way that you knew that he did when he was nervous, “We were in Eugene’s basement, having just watched one of his races and he had some shit, and we decided to take it. It was just us, everyone else had gone to do something else or get high somewhere else, and we were just sat.” You were hanging off of every word that he said, “We were taking about, I don’t know, life and all the shit that we usually do when we’re high and we got onto the topic of you.”

Your eyes widen, “Me? Why were you talking about me?”

“He mentioned you and how you wanted to do things with your life and how he was fed up that all he had to do with his life was race.” Harry chuckled and shook his head, “I couldn’t even help it, I just blurted out that I liked you and that I was going to ask you on a date, thinking that he would be happy for us, but instead, he punched me in the face.”

Your lips part, “He what?”

“He punched me.” Harry runs a hand through his hair, “And then he just started screaming at me, saying that scum like me wasn’t good enough for someone like you. The more he said it, the more I believed it and I believed it all the way until you got in my car and asked me to tell you what had happened. I didn’t, and I didn’t for a reason, because if I had told you maybe you would’ve thought the same as him, that I wasn’t good enough for you, so instead I asked you on the date, just like I had planned to.”

You let his words sink in for a while, the sound of them bouncing around in your head for a while as you look down at the table in front of you. You couldn’t lie and say that you hadn’t thought about what had gone down between them, and what had been said to make them despise each other as much as they did, but you certainly hadn’t expected it to be about you of all things. It started to all make sense now, how when you had asked him, after your first night together at his house, if he was okay that you didn’t tell your brother about the two of you being together, and he agreed. At first you had thought that it was odd, seeing as though this man didn’t know your motive behind why you were saying that, but at the same time, you didn’t know his motive behind why he said yes.

It all made sense.

You sigh and nod your head, “Why didn’t you just tell me? I would’ve understood. You know that I would’ve.”

He shrugs his shoulders, “Why didn’t you tell me about what you had been thinking? And what you had been trying to do?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know.”

“It works both ways, YN.” He shrugs, “And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you but a part of you has to realise that there was a reason you didn’t tell me and you didn’t tell him. I understand a part of you was trying to keep it calm between us, but there had to be more than that.”

You can feel the tears starting to brim within your eyes, and the more that you thought about it, the more that you knew you were going to struggle to hold them back. You start to blink quickly, lifting your eyes up to look at the ceiling. It worked, and you managed to make sure that no tears slid down your cheeks.

“A part of me did do it because I knew that it would be easier for you, that you didn’t have to tell him that you were my boyfriend. I knew how hard that would’ve been for you.” You explain, lifting your hand up to scratch your forehead, “So I decided that for a little while, I just wouldn’t tell him. At least not until things had calmed down between the two of you. After a few months of waiting was going to say something to him, just drop it into conversation and then walk out of it with my hands up but then I realised that it wasn’t going to be that easy. The day that I was going to do it, he walked into my bedroom with this big news that he was so excited to tell me.” You take in a breath and sigh, “It was the news that you were starting to drive, and that he was going to beat you that night and I knew that if I had told him, he wouldn’t have just beat you in the race.”

“I can stand up for myself, YN.”

“I never said that you couldn’t.” She shook her head, “I just didn’t want you getting hurt because of me.”

“I wouldn’t be getting hurt because of you. I’d be getting hurt because of something we did.” He explains, “Just like you can’t blame this all on me, and me on you, I’m not going to let you blame this all on yourself either.”

“Harry.” You sigh and lean back in the chair that you sat in, “We’re going to have to tell him.”

He shakes his head, “He’s not going to like it.”

“I know.” You agree with him and hold your hand out, “But we’ve got to tell him.”

“I know we have.” He grasps your hand in his.

It turned out that you and Harry didn’t have to wait for too long to tell your brother, because when Harry pulled up outside of your house, your brother was already sat there on the steps of the house, waiting for you to arrive home. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing if you were completely honest, and a part of you realised that this was it. You turned to look at Harry slightly, a sigh leaving your lips as you did so.

“You still want to do this?” He asked, pulling his keys out of the ignition as the car came to a complete stop.

You sigh and lean over to place your hand upon his, “I don’t think we have a choice, now.”

“We do.” He turned his head to look at you, squeezing your fingers as he did so, “I could just drive away. Ignore him.”

You chuckle and shake your head, lifting your connected hands up to place a kiss to the back of his hand, “Come on. He might explode if we keep him waiting any longer.”

You certainly couldn’t lie and say that your brother looked like he was handling everything well, because he certainly wasn’t. His jaw seemed to be constantly clenched the entire time that you walked towards him, and you definitely saw his hands that were clenched by his sides in fists. You knew that he was going to be annoyed, and you expected that there would certainly be some shouting involved with this, but, she certainly didn’t want this to become physical at any point. In your opinion, it certainly wasn’t worth it.

“YN.” You stop in front of him once he’s spoken your name, and Harry is just a few steps behind you. Having him there really brings a comfort that you don’t really feel unless you’re with him, so if anything, you were happy that he was there, “What are you doing with him?”

“I’m—” You start, looking at him for a second before letting out a sigh, “He’s—”

You can’t find the right words to say what you want to say. You knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to explain to your brother, but you at least thought that you’d be able to get past the first words without choking up, but it seemed as though that wasn’t the case.

“Isaac—” Harry takes a step forward, so that he was directly next to you but before he could say anything else, Isaac holds his hand out to stop him.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Harry clamps his lips shut, and you can tell that he’s trying to hold back so many things but at least he isn’t making the situation worse which you knew that he possibly could. Isaac then turns to you, “I was asking you the question. What are you doing with him?”

Letting out a sigh, you shut your eyes for a second to calm yourself down, “I’m. . . we’re together, Isaac.”

He lets out a sigh and shakes his head, tutting slightly as he did so, “When Eugene told me, I didn’t believe him. I said that you’d never do that to me because you know that I hate him more than I’ve hated anyone in my life before.”

At first you listen to the words that he was saying and you nod along, as if you’re understanding what they’re saying, but you quickly shake your head and cross your arms over your chest.

“I’d never do what to you, Isaac?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing as you say the words you were speaking, “I’ve fallen in love with someone, Isaac, I don’t think that involves you at all.”

“But you know I can’t stand him!”

“Still here, you know.” Harry mutters, lifting his hands up and walking away from them slightly.

You turn over to look at Harry and glare at him slightly before you turn your attention back to Isaac, “Why do you think I didn’t tell you? I knew that you’d react like this.”

“What? I’d react completely sane, YN?” Isaac scoffs and shakes his head.

“Sane?” You physically can’t believe what you’re hearing, “Isaac, you don’t have the right to act like this over who is my boyfriend. Yeah, I understand that you don’t like Harry and he isn’t particularly fond of you either, but you don’t have a say in that.” You stop slightly and let out a sigh of relief when you realise that you’ve got him listening, “I would completely understand if you were upset about me not telling you and lying to you, but that is what you can be mad at.”

He looks at you but then he shakes his head, and you know that everything that you’ve just said has gone and he couldn’t care less about it now.

“YN.” You know that tone of voice anywhere, and you couldn’t believe that he was still acting like this, “It’s Harry. You don’t know the shit that he said, and you don’t know what it was like to sit and listen to him saying everything he said about you.”

This time, it’s you who lets the words that he’s just spoken sink in for a while. If what Harry had said to you earlier was true, that all your brother had to be upset about was him saying that he liked you and wanted to ask you out. Now, you’re not exactly sure how the male mind works, but you’re pretty sure that Isaac can distinguish between someone saying that they like someone and something else. You turn to look at Harry and he looks down at the floor, and that’s when you realise very quickly that there was something else to the story that you didn’t know. The mere thought of it made you feel sick. What had actually been said that night?

“Isaac.” You turn back to look at him, “What was said?”

“YN.” He shakes his head, scratching his forehead slightly, “I don’t want to tell you.”

“Tell me.” Your words are harsh and you can tell by the way that Harry backs away from you that you’re about to be in for a real treat, “Tell me!”

“When we were in high school, we had this list.” Isaac starts, and you know that what he is saying is probably really important context but you just want him to get to the point, “And on this list, we’d rank who we thought were the most fuck-able girls in the school.”

Your entire heart plummets to the pit of your stomach, “That’s disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“I am, don’t worry.” Isaac nods, “Harry never got involved with it, and we all knew why, because he was the good one who never cared about those things and everyone just accepted that. I certainly did.”

“Just get on with it, Isaac.”

“Well, we were in Eugene’s basement and we were high and drunk and everything was just a little blurred if I’m honest, but I asked Harry a question. I said, best friend to best friend, if you were to pick one person to go on the top of the list, and just be his one person and nobody apart from us would ever find out, he turned to me and said: you.”

You can’t figure out what your angrier at. You can’t decide whether it’s because Harry had actually said those words to your brother, degrading you in such a way that you had never ever expected him to or the fact that he had lied to you about what had actually happened. In honesty, you do think that thing that has upset you the most was that he didn’t tell you the truth. He could have told you what had actually happened earlier on in the day on you wouldn’t have cared, because you knew that he was high and drunk and he probably wouldn’t have meant it but the fact that he lied, made you feel sick to your stomach. It made you question whether or not he had lied to you at other points and you just hadn’t known because you were too naïve to see it.

You turn to look at Harry and he’s looking directly back at you, not at the ground and not anywhere else but directly at you.

“Harry.” You can already feel the tears start to form within your eyes, “Tell me it’s not true.”

Harry shakes his head and looks down at the ground, and you shake your head to try and back the tears. You know that if you open your mouth words will tumble out that you really don’t mean, and you know that you can’t let that happen but you’re in such a state that you know that you’re mind would be clouded with how upset you are.

“He knows it’s fucking, true, YN.” Isaac says from behind you, “That’s why we fucking fought and punched the living daylights out of each other.”

You shake your head again, the tears involuntarily spilling down your cheek, “Harry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought—” He starts but then he shakes his head, “I didn’t—”

Just like you couldn’t find the words to say, it seemed as though Harry couldn’t either. You really didn’t care about what he said, and you wouldn’t care about what he said. There were things that you’d said when you were younger and in high school that you certainly regretted and you would hate if anyone was to bring them up but you wouldn’t lie about it. You had lied in the past and done things in the past that you didn’t agree with, but it wasn’t as though you were doing it for any other reason but to protect the relationships that you had made with people.

“Harry.” He lifts his head to look at you, “I think you should go.”

“YN. . .” He takes a step forward towards you but you hold your hand up.

“Just for tonight.” You nod your head, “We’ll speak tomorrow. We all just need to. . . calm down.”

“But YN. . .” He takes another step forward but you shake your head.

“Please, Harry.” You close your eyes, “Just for tonight.”

He doesn’t seem very happy with what you had said but he nods at you once before walking over to his car and getting in. He slams the door closed behind him, and you flinch when he does so. You watch through the window as he looks at you one last time before starting the engine and driving.

He drives on, and he doesn’t look back, not even one last time and you watch as his car disappears off the street. Once you know that he’s gone, you start walking towards the end of the drive and down to the pavement.

“YN—” Isaac starts but you turn to look at him and shake your head.

“Not now.” You run a hand through your hair, “I’m going to Daisy’s. I’ll be fine.”

With that, you walk down the street and towards Daisy’s house, the thoughts of what had just happened dancing around in your head. You knew that this was going to happen at some point, and it would all blow up in your face, you just hadn’t know that it would be like this.

The next day you return home with bags underneath your eyes and yawns escaping your lips. You would say that you’re nervous, but after being up all night with worry in your stomach, you’re pretty certain that you’re just a little anxious but the thing that overwhelms your brain more than anything is the want for all of this to be over. You needed to sort things out with your brother, so you could go back to being siblings that annoy each other more than anything, and then you need to sort everything out with Harry. You knew that it was going to be hard, and you knew that your emotions were going to be high but you needed to get it over and done with. You weren’t going to allow your life to be like this for longer than it needed to be, and it didn’t need to be at all.

When you walked through the front door of your house, you didn’t know what you were expecting to see, but you really didn’t expect what you saw. Isaac was laid across the couch, with empty beer bottles on the table in front of him. You knew why he had done it, and you hated that it was your fault that he had done it but at the same time he was a grown man, just like you were a grown woman, and he knew that this wasn’t the right way to go about things.

With a sigh, you walked over to the sofa and picked up one of the cushions by Isaac’s feet and threw it air his head. He groaned and moved around and that was when you nudged his legs so that you could sit down. He groaned again but moved them away, and you heard him yawn and felt his body lift up from beside you so that he was upright.

“How’s the head?” You mumble, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back in the seat.

He groans and does the same, “It’s been better.”

You chuckle and close your eyes, allowing a slight calmness to wash over your body. If there was one thing that you missed about getting older, was not being able to have the stupid conversations with him that made absolutely no sense to anybody but the two of them. But, something that you did know was that even when this was all sorted and everything went back to normal, you wouldn’t be surprised if not everything went back to normal between the two of you. It was something hard to understand, but you just had to accept it because you wouldn’t be surprised if it took years to fix.

There’s a silence between the two of you for a while, but you quickly realise that isn’t going to help you in your situation so without really thinking you collect yourself and let out a small breath that you didn’t know you had been hiding for a while.

“I’m sorry.” You say, the words coming out of your mouth stronger than you had expected them to. You thought that they would at least be broken, but they weren’t, “I’m sorry for everything, but most importantly, I’m sorry for lying and keeping it from you.”

You don’t know what Isaac is going to say, and the fact that you don’t does make you worry slightly but you know that you’d be able to handle whatever he was going to say. You would be able to handle it because you were strong, at this point you needed to be.

“I accept your apology.” He says, and you turn to look at him with tears in your eyes. He nods at you and smiles, “The more I thought about it, the more I understood why you did it. If the shoe was on the other foot I would’ve done the exact same thing. I wouldn’t have even hesitated to.”

You nod your head and close your eyes, a few tears falling from them but you’re quick to lift your hand and wipe them away. He reaches over and grabs your hand, and you squeeze his as you do so.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you though.” You shake your head, “We don’t lie to each other.”

“Oh.” Isaac shakes his head and you furrow your eyebrows at him, “We don’t lie to each other but we certainly keep secrets. The amount I’ve kept from you. . . you’d probably kill me.”

Your lips part in shock, “Are you going to tell me them?”

“No.” He shakes his head, a chuckle leaving his lips, “I maybe will later, but right now, you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Have I?” He taps his hand on your leg and stands up, and all you can do is furrow your eyebrows in response.

“You have.” You watch as he grabs his jacket and places it on his body, “And I’m going to take you there.”

You know straight away that Isaac is talking about going to see Harry, and just the fact that he was going to take you made you want to burst out into even more tears that you had been before. You didn’t though, because you were able to keep your calm and just smile and nod along with him, but it was certainly hard for you to do. It felt as though you were getting acceptance from Isaac and although you knew that you didn’t really need it, it sure felt good to have. You offered him a quick smile and got into his car, driving you to Harry’s and leaving you there with a squeeze of his hand.

Even though you weren’t that nervous when it came to talking to Isaac, speaking to Harry was a completely different thing. Whereas you and Isaac had a sibling bond that could never be broken, you and Harry had a bond, one that was love to the highest degree, but it was still a love that could be broken. You just hoped that this wasn’t it and you hadn’t met the point of no return just yet.

You palms were sweaty as you knocked on his door, and your heart felt as though it was going to beat out of your chest but you knew that this was the right thing to do. You could hear shuffling behind the door, and then it swung open, and you wanted to sigh in relief just at the sight of him stood there. He looked like he hadn’t slept, but you hadn’t either so it was something that you both had in common, and he had his joggers hung low on his hips in a way that you always found so endearing whenever he did it.

“Hi.” You say, the corners of your lips tilting upwards slightly, “Can I come in?”

He opens his mouth as if to say something but then he just ends up nodding his head and opening the door wider so your body can slip through. It looks exactly the same as the last time you had been there, and it felt comfortable and like your home. It certainly was your home away from home, and living with Harry would be something that you wouldn’t mind doing in the future if time permitted you too. You had to remind yourself to take a few steps back and look at the situation ahead of you, and how you had a lot of things that you needed to talk about before anything else in the future could happen.

Walking into the apartment, you hear Harry shut the door behind you. You knew that he wasn’t too far behind you, so you turned around.

“I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.” He muttered, shrugging his shoulders, “I thought you’d need a few days.”

“I said I would talk to you tomorrow.” You smile and nod your head, “I’m wasn’t about to go back on that.”

You swear you can see the slight lift of the corner of his lips, and it’s the first sign to you that everything might actually end up being okay.

“I know you think we have things to talk about but I actually just have one thing to say.” He says, taking a step forward towards you. You watch as he hesitantly reaches out and grabs your hand, and you smile at just the feeling of his skin on yours again, “I’m sorry, That’s all I can say. I’m sorry that I said those things all those years ago, and I’m more sorry that I didn’t tell you about it when I had the chance. It was stupid of me, and I can understand if you want to. . . if you want to.” He physically stops and you can tell that he’s struggling with something, “If you want to break up with me.”

You gasp at his words, taking a step forward and placing your hands on his cheeks, “Harry. . . no. Don’t think that. I’m not going to break up with you over that.”

You can hear him physically sigh and you couldn’t even understand why he dared to think the way that he was, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know how you’d think.”

“Harry.” You lean forward so that your forehead is on his, “I’m upset that you lied, but I did too. If anything, we’re just as bad as each other. That’s probably why we’re so perfect for each other, right?”

“Right.” He chuckled, nodding his head, “We’re perfect for each other. I love you so much, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” You close your eyes as you let the words sink in, “If there’s one way I know how we’re never going to go through anything like this again, is if we promise to never keep anything from each other again.”

“We won’t.” He mumbles, “I won’t.”

“Good. I won’t either.” Your hands grip onto his arms as they wrap around your neck, “I need you, Harry Styles. I do.”

“I need you too.”

With that you open your eyes so that you can look directly in his, a small smile breaking over your lips at the fact the two of you knew that he needed you just as much as you needed him. It certainly made this entire situation feel as though it happened for a reason, that it happened so that you could be stronger than you already were. You never doubted that he loved you, and that you loved him, but there was the doubt that everything would have caught up with you, and that was something that you knew would be your fault. All of this was your fault, for not being honest in the first place, but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t find it in yourself to be honest now and get you and Harry through this.

Without even the slightest hint of hesitation you lean forward and place your lips on his, and he didn’t wait to kiss back, his tongue moving against his bottom lip before pushing it through your parted lips. Your tongue met his in your mouth, and you pulled each other closer, grasping at each other with the want and need that never stopped when you were around him. The spark that you always felt when you were with him ran all the way down from the skin of your lips to the tip of your toes, fluttering all over your body. You had told him that you needed him, which was the truth, but you were soon starting to realise that there was more to the need you had for Harry than what met the eye. It was something that went past all of the words in the dictionary to actions that you needed to name, and that’s why you pulled away and rested your head on his forehead.

“Harry.” You mumble, “Take me to the bedroom.”

He pulls away and furrows his eyebrows, not expecting those words to slip from your mouth, “Are you sure? We don’t have to.”

“I’m sure.” You mumble against his lips, “Never been more certain of anything in my entire life.”

He presses kisses against your neck and shoulders as he places you down on the bed, his body hovering over yours. When he starts to put a little more pressure on your skin with his teeth, you can’t help the light moans that start to escape your lips. He starts to toy with the hem of your shirt, and you respond to him by lifting your legs and wrapping them around his waist. Your hips move in circular motions to his, and it’s his turn to moan into you.

You pull away and sit up, pulling your shirt over your head and revealing your bra to him. It wasn’t the nicest bra you owned, but it got to the point in your relationship when you didn’t need to wear fancy lingerie all of the time to feel good enough for him, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t every now and then to feel sexy. Every now and then, though, just like you felt now, you realise that you don’t need to wear anything to feel sexy because just the way that Harry looked at you made you feel like that. The was his eyes raked up and down your body, across every inch of skin that he could see. That made you feel sexy. The way he looked at you made you feel sexy.

“Missed this.” He leans over and places a kiss to the skin of your shoulder, “Missed you. You’re so fucking beautiful, YN, you have no idea.”

You lean forward and capture your lips again on his, slipping your arm around his shoulder so that you could run your nails down his back, scratching lightly as you did so. He took it upon himself to slip his hands between the two of you and unbutton your trousers, pulling them as well as your panties down your legs. You remove your arms from around his neck so that you can unclip your bra and pull it down from your torso and throw it down on the floor with the rest of your clothes. This was how you loved it to be with Harry. You just loved it when the two of you were together, alone. You guessed a part of it was because that was all you ever knew of it.

Harry was the most loving and beautiful person you’d met in your life, and you would have loved to be able to show him off to the world as the one you loved but it just wasn’t that easy, but now you had the slight suspicion that you might be able to, and a part of you was excited about that.

Your hands extend back out to him, pulling his body back down so that he was hovering above you again. He places a single kiss to your lips before moving his way down your body, placing kisses to your chest before moving down to the top of your breast and then down towards your nipples. He moves from each of them, one to the other, giving each of them the attention that he always does. You smile and thread your fingers through his hair, running through the curls that sat on top of his head. You used it to pull his head back up and place his lips on yours again. He responds by immediately kissing you back, and he wraps his arms around you so that he could flip you over, so that you’re resting above him now.

You pulled back and rested your forehead against his, “You want me on top?” He nodded and you smiled, watching as he slipped his hands into each side of his joggers before pulling them down his legs, as well as his boxers, revealing his cock. You manoeuvre your body so that you’re further down the bed and so that your head is at the same level as him, and you lean forward, pressing a singular kiss to the tip. The sound that emits from his throat causes you to not hesitate in leaning forward and wrapping your lips around the top of him, starting to bob your head at a slow pace that you know is seemingly working because you can see his stomach moving up and down at a quick pace. Groans tumble from his lips, and you know that he’ll be getting close but before he can do anything else his hands press against your cheeks and lift you back up so that he can kiss you again.

“Don’t you wanna. . . ?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing as you look at him.

“No.” He shakes his head, placing his lips on yours, “I don’t want anything but to be inside of you right now.”

You watched as he moved backwards slightly, so that you were close enough to the wall that you could rest of your hand against the wall as you manoeuvre yourself over him. His cock slips between your folds, and words can’t describe how wet you are for him, dripping all over him. You place your lips on his again and start to move yourself up and down his cock. The groan that escapes his lips is unlike any you’ve heard before, and you can’t help the smile that dances across your lips.

“You’re drenched for me.” He groans against your lips, “Fuck, I wanna be inside of you.”

“Be my guest.” You grin, and you watch as he leans down to grab his cock in his fist and you lift up so that you can line yourself up with him. You grasp his shoulder as you slowly sink down on him, the familiar feeling of having him fill you up overwhelming you. You had been together for three years and no matter how many times you had sex, it still manages to overwhelm you more than words can explain. You whimper when he’s fully inside of you, hesitating for a few minutes before you press your lips to his in another short kiss.

“So fucking tight.” He mumbles, “Best fucking feeling in the world.”

You tilt your head back slightly with a smile crossing your lips, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

He chuckles but that’s quickly shut off when you start to move, bouncing up and down on his cock. Your nails scrape down his back as you move, and you can’t help the moans of profanities that leave your lips as you move. You knew you were squeezing yourself around him, it was always something that you did that caused him to clench his jaw, just has he was doing now. You quickly found a rhythm, swirling your hips and grinding them in a way that had both of you moaning out each others names.

You tilted your head back when he hit a spot deep inside of you that sent a wave of pleasure rushing over your body. He didn’t even hesitate to lean forward and capture your nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the bud slightly before moving to the other. He wrapped his arms around your body and slipped them down your back, all the way until he grabbed the flesh of your ass and squeezed. His movements were harsh, but they sent a wave of pleasure through your entire body.

“YN.” You hum, leaning forward and resting your head on his shoulder, not stopping the movements on his hips, “You’re never going to leave me, are you?”

You move so that you’re sat up straight and look at him, “Why would you think that? I’m not going to leave you, Harry, never.”

“Good.” He leans forward and placing his lips back on yours. Your movements don’t slow down, if anything, they speed up and a string of moans escape your lips. His hands are all over your body, and his lips are too, and the the feeling starts to rush over you. You manage to keep your hips moving at the pace for a while before you slow down, and Harry notices this and quickly flips you both over. You lay on your back with your head on the pillow, and Harry doesn’t even hesitate when he slips back into you. His movements aren’t fast, but they’re certainly deep.

“So fucking deep, Harry. Feels so fucking good.” Your words only seem to egg Harry on, especially the way your nails scratch down his back, “I’m so close.”

Harry was hitting just as deeply inside of you as he had been when you were riding him, and the feeling tips you closer and closer to the edge. Your hands drop down to your sides to grasp the duvet cover, and you turn your head so that you can muffle the obnoxiously loud moans that you couldn’t help leaving your lips.

“I know you are baby.” One of his hands slips through yours, “Don’t hide them moans though, let me hear them, baby, you know what it does to me.”

You move your head back so that he can hear your moans, and he smiles as he continues to fuck you. It doesn’t take long before he’s tipping you over the edge and your orgasm hits you. It’s one of the most powerful you’ve ever had, and you have every reason to believe that it’s because of how high emotions are between the two of you at the moment. It’s intense and you can feel it everywhere, all over your entire body and more so in the pit of your stomach. Harry didn’t stop his movements, not until he hit his high as well and spilled into you. You didn’t care about anything else in that moment though, because you felt closer to Harry now than you even had been, and you never wanted it to change again.

Once he pulls out of you, a whimper immediately leaving your lips due to the emptiness you now feel. He quickly cleans you up, and then drops into the bed beside you, and you don’t even hesitate when you wrap your arm around his waist and rest your head upon his chest. When your eyes close, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Harry.” He hums, and you can feel the vibration of his chest beneath your ear, “I’m sorry I told you to drive away.”

“Don’t be.” He mumbles, his fingertips dancing along the skin of your arm, “We’ve all done thing that we aren’t proud of, but we have a new start. One where we don’t have to keep this a secret.”

You nod and smile, still not opening your eyes, “I love you.”

“Love you too, baby.”

#playlistficchallenge #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles x yn #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles

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papipopsicle · 3 years

Text

AFTERTASTE PART SEVEN

Pairing: Archie Andrews X Reader

Summary: In which two best friends since childhood test whether sex and friendship can co-exist without causing conflict. Including OC's Flick and Cherry, a bisexual and lesbian in a sapphic relationship who are best friends of Y/N.

Song: Dream Boy by Waterparks

Warnings: swearing

Words: 2.1K

MASTERLIST

feedback is always appreciated

Y/F and Y/M Robins were far from perfect parents. Y/F had the mental age of a toddler at times, and being an estate agent who always has to go the extra mile- he often wasn't home when his wife needed him the most. Y/M, on the other end of things, had been a stay at home mum until Y/N turned 16 last summer, and now she helped with all the administrative work for Mayor McCoy. She was a maternal creature which, coupled with her brilliant sarcasm, made for some explosive conversations. The two met on the first day of university and got married a week after the last.

When Y/M first found out she was pregnant with little Y/S Robins, the two realised they wanted a quiet bubble of a town to raise their children and grow up with them. But it wasn't until their second daughter was about to turn seven until they found their forever home in the quaint town of Riverdale. Ten years passing before their eyes, and the picturesque place didn't seen all that anymore.

Jason Blossom's death had nothing to do with the short gunshot sounding over the waves of Sweetwater River, the noise which woke Y/N from her sweet unmemorable dreams every few nights. The summer days rolled into early August without anyone caring, Y/N spending most of them at Cheryl's side listening intently to her past adventures with her brother. Betty threw herself into an internship at a publication house; Flick and Cherry had volunteered at a summer camp, and Archie was helping his dad out more and more with constructions job.

Although it hadn't been the start to the relationship Y/N had hoped for- the nervous giggles and hand holding, short and sweet kisses on late night walks followed by poetry worthy cuddling. There was a magnificent silver lining as Archie's muscles gained definition, and he suited the sweaty builder look far too well.

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"Earth to my gorgeous queen? Y/N/N?" Cheryl quizzed her friend, who currently resided at the poolside of Thornehill Manor. Her mind was off on a glorious tangent about her rendezvous in the kitchen at two in the morning. Fixing herself a glass of water, when Archie slips his hand into her pyjama shorts, his other around her mouth muffling her needy moans.

The red headed beauty shoved her y/h/c friend playfully, warm skin sweaty under her pale touch. Y/N blinked innocently and sent her an apologetic smile, "What?"

"I asked if you've thought about dating anyone else since Clayton?" The fiery ginger girl enquired with her usual upbeat tone.

Cheryl knew she had a unique quality about her which made it almost impossible for Y/N to lie to her face. The y/h/c girl scrunched up her nose, hiding the smile the idea of Archie Andrews brought to her face. 'Yes. We started off as fuck buddies but never actually fucked. Then I drunkenly asked him to be my boyfriend, now a month later I think we may genuinely work out.'

"Maybe." Y/N bit her bottom lip, listening to her friend's squeal as she squeezed her sun tanned arm.

"I knew it! You have this euphoric glow you only get when someone else makes you climax." The redhead affirmed confidently, watching the Robins girl's eyes bug out before hitting her arm, "Y/N/N, you know your secret's safe with me."

"Fine." She sighed and took a sip of her fruity cocktail, "It started off as just fooling around, honestly I just needed to let off some steam after everything. I knew he was into the kinds of things I was, I mean he used to tease me about it non stop. And it was good, so good I stopped being a pussy and asked him to be my boyfriend."

"Holy freaking hell!" The Blossom girl grinned with excitement, "Dare I ask, who is it?"

Y/N deadpanned at her friend, "Guess."

"Please don't tell me it's that muscular oaf Reggie, he's pretty but there's not exactly much going on upstairs." Cheryl tapped her temples and rolled her eyes at the thought.

"Nope."

The ginger thought for a moment, consulting her liquid courage and splashing her feet around the waters edge, "It's Archie."

All it took was a side-eyed glance at the y/h/c girl's blooming rosy cheeks to know she definitely wasn't wrong. Y/N severely lacked the ability to lie, even if her tone held conviction, her features were far too expressive and told the truth all on their own. It's not like they were hiding it from anyone, but the past four weeks had gone far too quickly without any moments to spare for the world around them. They slept together each night, the majority of that time not actually spent sleeping, but they hadn't been given the chance yet to explore more romantic avenues.

"It's fucking Archie Andrews- you're fucking Archie Andrews and don't you dare deny it." Cheryl gawked in her gorgeous white and nude bikini, watching as her friend lay back against the hot marble slabs which encased the large pool with the largest grin adorning her plump lips.

"We haven't had sex yet, so technically you aren't completely correct." Y/N winked but carried on before the girl exploded with a hundred questions and could never be turned off, "Trust me, I want to, and I'm sure he does too. But you know, it's his first time, I want it to be perfect for him."

"Y/N/N, you really love him, don't you?" Cheryl gagged to begin with, but she found it sweet in truth. She wanted someone to hold, who would hold her right back just as tight for no other reason than needing to.

Y/N sat back up and paddled her feet, "You have no idea, Cher."

Arch 🧡

That new post should be illegal

Tiger 💛

Ooo

I like this reaction

Maybe I should post more

Like this one

Cheryl pushed me in the pool

And I may have had a drink

Or three

Arch 🧡

Well that's sexy

I swear nobody looks good like that how on earth

You're a goddess

But also

How's she holding up?

Tiger 💛

🥺😇

Broken

But she's strong yk

You coming over for dinner?

Arch 🧡

Yeah Y/D invited my dad too

Need me to pick you up from Cheryl's?

Tiger 💛

Awe cute we love a bromance, and it's all good my mommas coming now anyways :))

Hours had elapsed far too fast and soon the summer heat simmered into cool waves of wind brushing over sun kissed skin. Cheryl's arms were clasped around the blonde's shoulders in a tight embrace.

"Thank you so much, Y/N/N, I don't know what I'd do without you!" The Blossom girl professed with sparkling eyes and a brilliant smile.

Y/N beamed up at her, fingers carding through her damp y/h/c hair as she looked over her shoulder to see her mum pulling into the driveway, "You don't need to thank me, Cher, friends look after each other. Message me if you need me, okay?"

Cheryl promised she would and the two teen girls hugged goodbye, with Y/N soon heading home- listening to her mother gossip about Hal and Alice's screaming match last night, Y/N loved her inability to keep her mouth shut sometimes.

"Mom," The y/h/c stopped her mid sentence and received a side eyed glance in response, "I need to tell you something and you're totally not allowed to freak out while you're driving."

Y/M's eyes widened and her grip tightened around the steering wheel, her daughters very rarely confided in her. While she knew her youngest was safe in her promiscuity, neither of Y/M Robins' girls ever shared their secrets so for the most part she took finding out into her own hands.

"Honey," The forty four year old's calm tone was hardly comforting to the teenager, "if this is about you and Archie fooling around, your father and I figured that out a long time ago, like so long ago. Who do you think does your laundry? When your underwear starting looking like dental floss, we caught on pretty quickly."

Y/N felt like a deer in headlights, "Mum, what the hell?" Her cheeks heated to an inhuman temperature.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, as long as you're being safe and he's-"

"For the second time today, and I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but I am not having sex with Archie Andrews!" Y/N's high pitched voice sounded through the car. It truly was a blessing and a curse to have such open minded parents in situations like this. She thought about telling her mother the truth, but Y/M was a blabber mouth as well as a gossip, so Y/N chose to withhold certain pieces of information.

The Robins matriarch dropped the subject but didn't forget about her daughter's tone, and continued to ramble on about how odd she found Penelope Blossom and the whole Blossom family in general. "Like why on Earth is Rose in a wooden wheelchair? They know it's the twenty first century, right?"

As expected, the Robins household was once again filled with warm laughter and copious amounts of food. The topic of Jason was skimmed over, and Y/S found herself away from the dinner table. The eldest Robins sibling was currently pleading with Alice as she began shoving all of Polly's belongings in the boot of Hal's car. She couldn't comprehend life without her best friend, not after losing Jason. They were meant to be going travelling together for a year- working the worst jobs and staying up all night to watch the sun rise in different countries. But instead, Y/S's eyes were blinded by tears as she screamed down the street at the speeding car, with Polly Cooper taken out of her life indefinitely.

Y/N was oblivious to the dark inner workings of the Cooper clan, Betty's knowledge about her and Archie unbeknownst to the loved up teens. She'd spent every second not occupied by her internship trying to justify the romantic act as a fleeting moment of loneliness fuelled by alcohol. She wrote in her diary ideas on how she could win Archie back over, not knowing it was in fact, too late. Betty found herself hopelessly in love with the boy next door, unfortunately for her, the girl across the road was the only one his mind found.

Archie and Y/N washed up while their parents resided to the living room with three glasses and a bottle of white wine. The short girl turned the tap off after placing the last utensil on the draining board, flicking her sudsy hands at the boy's face. "What the-"

She didn't give him a chance to finish that thought, jumping up and wrapping her legs around his torso- planting a kiss onto his lips, then cheeks, then forehead. The two fell entranced by each other, planting pecks across nape of her neck and top of his head.

"Son," Fred's voice called out from the next room and the two immediately pulled apart, hearts beating in their ears, "we're going in a minute."

"Alright." He replied, placing his girlfriend on the floor once more.

"I wish you'd stay." Y/N pouted childishly, she meant the words entirely but hated feeling overbearing. Her life had been turned upside down this summer, it started off with her unable to fall asleep with another person next to her- now Archie's chest was her most comfortable pillow and is arms were the warmest blanket.

"Tomorrow night instead, Princess? I promised my dad I'd spend more time with him before senior year." The boy reasoned, holding her close and unknowingly feeling the exact same way, he adored holding her by her waist and pulling her close under the duvet.

"Monopoly night at yours?" She grinned and he nodded back in reply, the two sharing a final kiss in the kitchen before walking into the hallway.

Y/N felt at ease as she wished the two a goodnight and headed up to bed. She took off her tea dress and replaced it with Archie's bulldog t-shirt, managing to reach the same length on her thighs as her dress did.

Arch 🧡

I can still smell your perfume on my sheets

Tiger 💛

Marking my territory obviously x

Arch 🧡

I love it

Hope you sleep well baby x

Tiger 💛

Call me that tomorrow and we won't be sleeping so you better rest up tonight x

Arch 🧡

Whatever you say, baby x

Tiger 💛

Goodnight x

Arch 🧡

Night princess x

part eight?

wanna be tagged? just send in an ask x

#fanfic #fanfiction #riverdale #archie andrews #archie x reader #archie andrews x reader #archie #Riverdale imagine #riverdale fluff #riverdale smut #riverdale imagines #archie imagine #fluff #smut

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telehxhtrash · 4 years

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A masterpost on Togashi’s gay subtext and why it’s intentional.

Hi ! After seeing so many posts about Togashi dropping subtext about Killua's possible romantic feelings for Gon, I thought it'd be a good idea to make a sort of "masterpost" with all the subtext that Togashi has included into his work.

I usually see a lot of people trying to say that HxH isn't about romance and that Togashi isn't interested in writing romance into the manga, but when you analyze all the subtext that's been going on the further Gon and Killua's relationship progresses, I think it's incorrect to say that Togashi has never hinted at the possibility of romance in HxH.

This is going to be a long post, enjoy your read!

Also, please note that I will only base this analysis on the manga, so there can be no mistake that "maybe this is just something the anime made gayer" : i want to prove that the subtext is 100% intentional on Togashi's part.

I'd also like to mention, although I will analyze it further after listing the subtext, that Togashi is a VERY smart man. There are always little details in the story and/or foreshadowing that are easily missed at first but when you notice them, it truly makes you understand how much attention and care Togashi puts into his work. There are countless details and symbolism that are analyzed daily through wonderful meta posts, from the main 4′s birthdays and their link to their character or the religious symbolism in Kurapika’s story arc.... Togashi loves to foreshadow and plant little details into his work, so when Togashi plants subtext, I'm sure he 100% knows that he's writing it, and it can't be seen as unintentional.

I'll also link all my references for this post at the end of it, so feel free to read all the additional textposts and content if you want to know more.

Well, let's get into it!

EDIT : i can’t believe this post is still being used as a reference it makes me so happy... thank you so much !!! i edited this to tweak it a bit because i wrote this a while ago and the phrasing seemed off to me, so if you’re reading or re-reading this post, hi, welcome to masterpost on gay subtext 2.0 !

GREED ISLAND ARC

Greed Island is to me the arc that lays down the nature of Killua and Gon's relationship. It's during this arc that we get to see a bit more of what Killua thinks, how he's lucky to have met Gon and that he feels really grateful. Gon’s behavior in this arc is also very affectionate, with him always reassuring Killua about his place next to him. While the scene where Killua thinks "You've got it backwards, Gon, I'm the one that's glad I met you." can't be considered as subtext, I think it's something that lets the reader know a bit more about how Killua feels towards Gon.

But other than this scene, which can clearly be dismissed as platonic, there are 2 more moments in the Greed Island arc that are layered in subtext.

• The Rainbow Diamond (chapter 151)

During their time in Dorias, Killua uses Risky Dice to gain cards from the slot machines. The first card that Killua gains is called "Rainbow Diamond", the description of the card being "A diamond that shines in a rainbow of colors. Propose with this diamond and she is guaranteed to say "yes"".

There are 3 different things we can take from this panel. First, the card is a marriage proposal card, so it's obviously romantic in nature. Second, the object is a RAINBOW diamond. And third, Killua, wanting to keep the card safe, gifts it to Gon.

In short, Togashi sat down at his desk, decided to draw Killua winning a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL CARD (it could've been any card, but Togashi CHOSE to make Killua win a marriage proposal card) that has a RAINBOW diamond on it and made Killua gift it to Gon.

While I personally don't think that subtext can be used to 100% ascert that Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, I think it's a funny little touch from Togashi, and I'm even gonna say a sort of hint towards how Killua's feelings for Gon are going to evolve in this arc and the next.

• “It has to be Killua” (chapter 166)

Now this is a scene that I've never seen anyone talk about, at least on Tumblr, but when I read a bit of analysis on it I was 100% convinced this was intentional subtext. I'm basically quoting here what this article explains, so if you want more detail, I recommend reading it.

As you probably recall, during their deadly dodgeball game against Razor, Killua decides to sacrifice his hands to ensure that Gon could use all his strength. When confronted about it, Killua insists that it's nothing, and Gon shocks him by saying that he knew all along that he was hurting himself for his sake.

Gon then says that it can only be Killua holding the ball, and that it has to be Killua, resulting in Killua being absolutely awestruck and embarassed. I'm also going to talk about the anime adaptation for this one, because it's perfectly executed and translates extremely well the nuance that the second sentence bears. If you want to rewatch it, this scene happens in episode 70. It's worth noting that in the anime, we see Killua not reacting to Gon's first sentence, but losing his composure entirely when Gon says the second sentence. But why ?

The reason was lost in translation. His exact words are "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to. Killua ja nakya dame nan da.". Both sentences basically say the same thing : It has to be Killua holding the ball. That second sentence can be translated literally as "If it's not Killua, that won't do." However, the second sentence, in a different context, can also be used to say a totally different thing.

While it's certain that Gon used this sentence in the context of the dodgeball match, the sentence "~ja nakya dame nan da" also serves as a confession of one's feelings in japanese. It's basically the equivalent to "you're the one for me". When you google the sentence, it turns up romantic songs, forum posts asking what it would translate to in English and posts on how to confess to someone.

The sentence basically drowns in romantic subtext. As mentioned before, Killua has no reaction to the first sentence "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to.", but loses his composure at the second one, and I think that was a very deliberate thing Togashi wanted to convey : this sentence has an additional layer, and clearly Killua is taking it to heart.

I will come back to this specific subtext in a bit, because we can parallel it with another subtext-y situation, so please keep it in mind for now.

CHIMERA ANT ARC

Now onto the sad gay arc! This arc is so RIDDLED in subtext and parallels that it's making me lose my mind.

• Gon, you are light. (chapter 199)

This scene is just... So romantic in nature. I’m not too objective on this, but I really do believe that this moment is the exact moment Killua fell in love with Gon and started to realize he felt a bit more than friendship towards him. It’s Killua respecting Gon for who he is, realizing that he’s light and he’s always been, he’s the one who saved him and who’s always been so bright and optimistic and always makes the best out of any situation. In this scene, Killua lets himself drown in Gon’s light, allows himself to feel this “wow” moment of pure admiration and love, and it’s absolutely beautiful.

It's extremely important to take the context of this scene into account. What happened is that Killua, who has been struggling mentally for the entire series with the fact that he's always running away, ran away once more, leaving Kite to die with Pitou. This ENTIRE chapter is literally adults absolutely DESTROYING Killua, first Kite's troupe bashing him for leaving Kite behind, and then Netero, Morel and Knov coming in like icing on the cake telling Killua that "After all, he's just a kid", and that he should hurry up to his mommy.

Killua is beating himself up for running away again, got destroyed by Kite's team and 3 extremely strong pro hunters. His morale is down in the drains right now. He expects Gon to be mad at him for betraying Kite, for running away once again, for leaving Kite to die alone and ripping Gon away from Kite : he expects that he'll lose Gon for his cowardice.

HOWEVER, the first thing that Gon says to Killua after having been passed out for god knows how many hours is "Thank you".

Gon woke up and instantly eased up all of Killua's fears : he wasn't a loser for running away, and Gon was actually thankful for him. Gon, at this moment, was the only one that showed kindness, understanding and gratefulness towards Killua. Gon even goes so far as saying that he knows that Kite isn't dead, and that they have to help him. At this instant, Gon is truly Killua's saving grace. He's the one that trusts him with his entire heart, and believes in his choices when even he can't believe in himself. Gon is truly Killua's light at this precise moment, because he was the only one who supported him, trusted him and reassured him in this awful situation.

How can someone shine so bright in such a terrible situation ? How can someone be so positive that nothing bad will happen ?

Gon asserting all of this makes Killua respect him a lot. Keep this word in mind, because it’s going to be important in the next piece of subtext I’m analyzing, because those two scenes canonically follow each other and are basically Togashi highlighting that something special happened when Killua called Gon his light, and that his feelings deepened.

• Introduction to Palm's character (chapter 200)

This piece of subtext is very very easy to miss but it's one of the most important subtext-y scene, because coupled with the “Gon, you are light” scene, it’s very clear that this dialogue is deliberately highlighting Killua’s feelings.

This chapter introduces Palm's character (which, imo, is a character introduced for the sole intent of being a catalyst to Killua's feelings towards Gon, but I'll talk about it in my post talking about the CAA parallels) - edit: i talked about this briefly here.

So, Killua having looked into Gon's eyes for like 10min straight and concluded that Gon was the light of his life a chapter ago, is now chilling with Gon as they meet Palm.

Palm takes them to a café and STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT harasses them about how much she's in love with Knov. Like when I say harassing, it's literally a whole page of her explaining her feelings towards Knov.

There are two interesting things that can be drawn from this interaction.

First, it's extremely easy to draw parallels between Palm's situation towards Knov and Killua's situation towards Gon. Palm starts by saying how amazing her master is, that she probably has special feelings for him but the most important thing is to respect the other person. Remember how I talked about how this last scene was Killua having a surge of deep, deep respect for Gon ? Palm makes sure to highlight that special word, that it’s important to respect someone when it comes to love.

She then goes on to say that she hasn't said anything to Knov, and never will. All of this adds nothing to the story, it's empty dialogue, Togashi could've introduced Palm in virtually any other way possible, but he chose to drag her and the gay duo to a café and make her have a monologue about love RIGHT after the extremely emotional panel of Killua declaring that Gon is his light just a chapter ago.

But there's more. Not only does Palm monologue for a while about love, but after finishing her monologue, this happens :

This panel features ONLY Palm and Killua, her looking at him like the psycho she is, and straight up telling him that "love can suddenly spark out of nowhere, don't you think so?".

What's so interesting about this is the fact that Togashi made the deliberate choice to have Palm say this to Killua and Killua ONLY, which after the gay existential crisis he had last chapter, can very much be applied to his situation. Love DID spark out of nowhere, and Togashi wants you to notice. Togashi could've made Palm say this to herself, with no distinct listener like the last panel, but he made the conscious choice to draw this panel with Palm adressing herself to Killua SPECIFICALLY.

Those two pieces of subtext, that fit perfectly together, make me believe 100% that Togashi knows what he's doing and he's not unintentionally planting gay subtext in his work. The fact that Togashi sat at his desk, drew Killua calling Gon his light, and then followed this scene with the introduction to a character who picks Killua apart to tell him that "love is something that just happens, don't you think?" is 100% proof that Togashi knows what he's doing.

• Date with Palm (chapters 217 and 218)

I think this situation has many layers, but many people still dismiss it as bro behavior so I'm gonna try my best to counter argue. First of all, and although that's not proof of anything, Killua looks EXTREMELY distressed by the prospect of Gon going on a date with Palm, but that can be counter-argued by saying that Killua is just worried because Palm is completely crazy.

What I want to talk about is the scene that happens right after, when Gon and Killua go to the gym (because theyre DUDES YEAH WE WORK OUT NO HOMO), and the conversation casually drifts to Killua asking Gon if he's ever been on a date before, valid question considering what just happened previously. There are multiple things here :

1) Killua seems distressed that Gon has been on dates before. While it can be argued that it's a normal reaction because Gon has and he hasn't, I believe that Killua - who is in no way a normal person who would get flustered about "not having been on dates before a certain age" - would not feel uncomfortable that his friend is more experienced than him - especially when literal seconds later, he monologues about how he doesn’t care about dates and just wants to stick with Gon.

2) Gon then proceeds to ask Killua if he's ever been on a date, to which Killua responds :

What I want to highlight is the panel where Killua says "And the truth is, I want to stay by your side... Always...". Basically, what Killua is saying, is that he doesn't care about dates, all he wants to do is be with Gon.

I don't think this can be counter-argued as bro behavior, but with all the subtext I've explained before, this right here is pretty gay. Togashi put this panel deliberately to show that Killua doesn't give a crap about dates when he can stay with Gon, and with the "gon you are light" scene and everything in mind, this is another intentional subtext.

There's also the fact that Killua stalks the date like a jealous girlfriend - but I'm not gonna count that as subtext because it can be argued that he's just worried about Gon because Palm is insane.

• Gon is my best friend ! (chapter 219)

Remember how I told you to keep the "It has to be Killua" subtext in mind because I was gonna come back to it later ? Well.

During Palm's date with Gon, Killua runs into Rammot, who would definitely have ran into Palm and nenless Gon. Killua is forced to confront his worst fear : this is the moment where he knows that if he runs away again, Gon WILL die. Killua is literally overcoming his "programming", the physical representation of years of abuse out of love and care for Gon. He's ripping out the needle from his forehead out of pure, genuine care for Gon, because if he doesn't, then he'll lose him forever.

Now, what I actually wanna talk about is this panel :

What we see is Killua thinking happy thoughts about all his adventures with Gon because he can't - won't - doesn't want to run away anymore, and all this for his sake. But what I wanna draw attention to is the dodgeball panel that's bigger than all the others, and the only one where you can actually clearly make out what's written : "Killua ja nakya dame nan da".

Now, isn't that interesting that the panel that takes a bigger place in the whole panel is the one with this particular sentence? Remember what I talked about a bit earlier, about how "~ ja nakya dame nan da" is a sentence with a lot of romantic connotations (would pretty much equal to "you're the one for me" in English). Clearly this particular sentence stuck with Killua.

I'm not completely objective on this matter since I firmly believe that at this point, Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, but I interpret this as another deliberate thing Togashi did : putting the panel bigger so we can see that it has a particularly significant importance to Killua, and Killua's state of mind right now (not wanting to lose Gon).

In my opinion, two things happened here: One, Killua remembers this specific interaction because he knows how much Gon trusts him and he doesn't want to betray his trust. But I also firmly believe that Killua remembered this specific interaction because of the romantic connotation the sentence "Killua ja nakya dame nan da" has. Those words clearly shocked him, and I think he remembers them in this life-threatening situation, after the "gon you are light" scene, Palm talking about "love just happens", the "i want to stay with you, always" because he realizes that he wishes Gon would say that sentence in a romantic context, and not in the context of the dodgeball match, thus leading him to surpass himself to prove his love and perhaps live to see the day where Gon could say those words in that romantic context.

Now, of course, all of this is my interpretation, so it's really up to debate, but I really wanna highlight the fact that Togashi deliberately CHOSE to highlight this particular interaction between Gon and Killua, this sentence with romantic subtext, to lead Killua to finally break his chains and be able to be protect Gon fully. It’s also interesting to note that the 2011 anime adaptation also makes it a point to emphasize how deep these words stuck to Killua by making it the last flashback that makes Killua effectively rip out the needle out of his head.

Also let's quickly mention the irony in the situation here : while Gon is on a romantic date, Killua fights to protect him, overcoming his weakness to prove his love. It’s not Palm who deserves that date, it’s Killua.

• A lovers’ suicide (chapter 286)

Now, onto the most important piece of subtext, that can not be counterargued as platonic in any way, shape or form. During the palace invasion, Killua leaves Gon's side, proceeds to go kick Youpi's butt only to have to fall back because he used up all his electricity nen. When Killua is charging up, he meets with Meleoron, and tells him that once he's done charging, he'll go back to Gon's side.

They briefly exchange information about the battle, and then Meleoron proceeds to ask Killua what's the plan for him and Gon. That's when Killua explains that "Once Gon is like this, he won't budge an inch. Worst case scenario, it'll be a double suicide.". At worst they both die, cool. They “go down in flames together”. It’s actually much, much more meaningful than that.

The specific word that Killua uses for double suicide is "心中" (shinjuu), which is a heavily romantically connotated word in japanese. Shinjuu, also translated as "lovers’ suicide", is when two people die out of love, by the same method, because there's a belief that this'll allow those two people to spend eternity together. Shinjuu is a major theme of Japanese literature, and it is always used romantically. It's a very uncommon word to use to refer to two people dying together, because of its heavy romantic connotation, and because it always refers to double suicide committed by people bound by love. In literature, it always refers to two lovers, in love. If you want to read more on shinjuu, i suggest this and this, those articles explain its historic roots and the definition, also emphasizing the feeling of "oneness" that characterizes shinjuu. If you’re interested, I also suggest reading the japanese article that defines shinjuu, and hitting the google translate button, it has some pretty interesting sentences like “Shinjuu is traditionally committed by men and women out of mutual love, in the hope that they will be connected in the afterlife because they can't be together in this world.”

So basically, what Killua is saying is that he wants to go back to Gon's side to die with him, committing a "lovers’ suicide" because he doesn't want to leave Gon to die alone, and wants to die with him.

I also want to emphasize how special this word is to Killua, and that he and everyone around him know the special meaning of this word - In chapter 300, Ikalgo literally says "We were... No, KILLUA was ready to commit shinjuu with Gon". Ikalgo is really highlighting the fact that this word holds special meaning, especially to Killua, and that it was HIM who was willing to commit shinjuu by staying with Gon. Ikalgo and company dying with Gon wouldn't be shinjuu, but Killua dying with Gon would be, and Togashi emphasizes this through Ikalgo's thoughts.

This is pretty much the gist of it, but I suggest reading the wonderful post I linked in the references below if you want to know more about this specific subtext.

(edit : i actually wrote a post going a bit more into detail on Killua’s shinjuu wish if you want to read it here ! :3)

• “The one that Gon needs the most is you” (chapter 294)

I will go into this subtext more in details when I write the post about parallels in CAA, but I still want to talk about it briefly here.

Like I said before, to me, Palm was introduced as a catalyst for Killua's feelings towards Gon. Togashi purposefully wrote Palm as having romantic feelings for Gon to foil Killua's feelings for Gon and make him show jealousy towards Palm.

To Killua, Palm is someone who stole Gon from him, he sees her as a threat because maybe she'll make Gon happier than he does ? (ofc we all know thats not true but Killua is baby) - Basically, Killua thinks Palm might be more important to Gon than Killua is, because he believes they are romantically involved. That's why when he sees her again later on, after Gon rejected his help, leaving Killua helpess as to how to save his dear friend, Killua sees Palm as a saving grace.

He knows that if Gon sees Palm as a chimera ant, he will spiral down even more, so he tries to reason with her to get her to be gentle to Gon, because if not her, then who could? Palm would clearly be able to comfort Gon, with whom Killua believes is romantically involved with, better than him, right ? If Gon rejected Killua, then clearly Palm could help, since she seems closer to Gon (BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THEYRE DATING), right?

This confrontation between Palm and Killua closely ressembles a situation like an ex confronting a new girlfriend - and I think this is exactly why Togashi wrote Palm this way. He wanted Killua to confront who he thought was a threat to their relationship, making him believe that this person who's """"dating"""” Gon is more important to him than himself, only to have her openly admit that she means nothing to Gon. The only one Gon needs is Killua.

And that, my friends, coming from someone you believe is romantically involved with your best friend (who you probably have a crush on), someone you're jealous of, the one you thought was the person most important to him, that's a pretty meaningful statement.

Basically, what's happening, is that Palm reaffirms that Gon holds Killua closer than a potential romantic partner. And that's why Killua is so, so happy to hear that. He was questioning his entire relationship, questioning if Gon even cared about him, because he rejected him a few minutes before, but then his "rival" comes in and reaffirms that even she knows that no one comes close to Killua to Gon.

I also want to mention that this act of pure love (Killua only thinking of saving Gon when in a life threatening situation) is what made Palm come back to her human senses. d'awwwwww

• Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel on lovers who die of Alluka’s requests. (chapter 323)

Now onto the final significant subtext - while I don't particularly think of it as subtext-y, I know a lot of people have so I still want to include it here.

When Illumi explains Alluka's powers to Hisoka, he explains that there are two different types of linked deaths when a request is failed : 1) the person who failed + the person they love the most 2) the person who failed + the people they spent most of their time with.

When applied to Killua, Hisoka naturally comes to the conclusion that no matter the outcome, Gon would always be the one dying with Killua, because he's spent so much time with him, and because he's the one that Killua loves the most. In the panel where Illumi explains this, we see a romantic, heterosexual couple demonstrating the effects of not completing one of Alluka's requests, and thus the "most important person dying".

While not making any true parallels, the fact that Hisoka, and the readers, are drawn to compare a heterosexual, romantic pairing to Killua dying with Gon because he's his "most important person" is an interesting piece of subtext.

_______

I want to finish by talking about Killua's birthday and how significant it is in my opinion. All the main 4 characters have birthdays that fall on specific dates, related to Japanese tradition, and often with events that can be associated to their character. Gon's is 5/5, which is Children's Day. Kurapika's is 4/4, the number 4 being considered an unlucky number, and this being an unlucky day to have a child. Leorio's is 3/3, Hinamatsuri (not really any main parallels here but still). But Killua's birthday is 7/7, and is the Japanese day to celebrate Tanabata.

If you are not familiar with Tanabata, the story is as follows : Orihime is a princess who works for her father, working hard and well, but she laments the fact that because of her hard work she can't meet someone and fall in love. Her father arranges for her to meet Hikoboshi, allowing Orihime to leave because he expects her to come back to work for him, but the two immediately fall in love and get married, and she never returns. I won't get into the rest of the story as it's this part that interests me the most, but if you want to read more about Killua and Tanabata I suggest reading the post I referenced below.

Does the story of Orihime remind you of anyone ? Killua also works for his father, but laments the fact that he can't go outside and meet someone. His father then lets him go, saying, and i quote: "he will come back, because he's my son". Doesn't this remind you of the tale of Tanabata ? Killua's story references the tale of Orihime perfectly, and I believe this is intentional : Killua's birthday isn't of any importance to the plot, so why make it Tanabata, a day that celebrates a love story that closely ressembles Killua's story ? The answer is simple : subtext.

With all this in mind, I think it's pretty clear that Togashi is writing intentional subtext to hint at Killua's feelings being romantic in nature. Togashi is a master writer, he has years of experience, and I strongly believe he knows what he's doing and not planting unintentional subtext. He's a very smart man, and knows how all of this can be interpreted.

I will finish by saying that Togashi is NOT an author that would deliberately queerbait his readers. So many people dismiss the possibility of having gay subtext leading onto an actual canon gay relationship because "it's not like the author would ever have gay main characters". While this holds true for a lot of manga authors, especially shonen manga authors, it does NOT apply to Togashi.

Togashi has always displayed interest in queer subjects and queer representation, putting trans characters in all of his major works (Miyuki in YYH, Mikihisa in Level E and Alluka in HxH). There were also canonically gay characters in his previous works : Itsuki in YYH, and a character named Kuramoto in Level E.

Togashi also always had interest in mangas having BL elements, citing Maya Mineo's "Patalliro!" as a manga he was attracted to during High School. If you're unfamiliar with Patalliro, the story focuses on the main character's love life as a gay man. He also admitted to basing Hiei's (YYH) design off a character from that manga.

Last but not least, Togashi mentioned in a note included in volume 1 of YYH that he wanted to write a sports manga, called The Trouble Quartet, where basically all the characters are gay. Togashi said he based it off his own interests as a writer, and that while it was refused by Shonen Jump, he got deeply attached to the project and that he would love to explore this project in a different shape once he made a name for himself. I suggest reading this post because the parallels between The Trouble Quartet and HxH are HILARIOUSLY accurate.

In short, Togashi has always had interest in queer matters, and was always interested in putting queer representation in his work. After YYH, which was a terrible experience for Togashi as a writer, he managed to snatch a contract that basically allows him to do whatever he wants with HxH. Having always held dear BL matters but never being able to explore it to his full intent, I believe Togashi is exploring queer identity further with HxH, because Shonen Jump basically lets him do anything.

To conclude, with Togashi's past experience and skill, his interest in queer representation, and the amount of subtext surrounding Killua, I honestly believe that Togashi is trying to explore further queer representation, and I wouldn't be surprised if HxH ends with Gon and Killua becoming a canon pairing, whether it be delivered in an ambiguous manner or not.

Edit : I actually wrote a post on why I believe it won’t be ambiguous, and that it’s truly never been ambiguous, just developing : here.

I hope you enjoyed the read, thank you for reading all of this, and feel free to show this to anyone who denies subtext in HxH !

REFERENCES

- "It has to be Killua" - Medium article, "Impossibilities in Translating Queerness : The Dodgeball Dilemma"

- Palm's Date Scene - Reddit post, "Togashi's love of Ambiguity: Chapters 217 and 218"

-A thematic analysis of Palm’s character : ”The Issue With Palm”

- Shinjuu - Tumblr post by hunterxhell, "A lovers' suicide, I guess." : + the post that mentions Ikalgo talking about shinjuu

- An analysis on different subtext-y situations

- Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel : here and here

- Killua’s birthday : "Killua, July 7th, and the significance of his birthdate”

- Togashi's interview mentioning Mineo's Patalliro

#hxh #hxh meta #hunter x hunter #killugon #meta #my posts #my meta

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jenohi · 3 years

Text

double take

PAIRING ▸ park jeongwoo x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ mutual pining, best friends-to-read it to find out, high school au, lacrosse au,

WARNINGS ▸ foul language, mild aggression(???)

SUMMARY ▸ when two friends start questioning the feelings they have for each other.

PLAYLIST ▸ double take by dhruv

WORD COUNT ▸ 4541 words

A/N ▸ Honestly, I'm not totally satisfied with this piece but I've been sitting on it for awhile and I would just rather publish it. I had many thoughts as I wrote this piece and at some point as I wrote I started to question if I picked the right member for this story. But I stand by my decision with the member I chose.

I could say I never dare

To think about you in that way

But, I would be lying

Jeongwoo was lost in thought as he walked back home from school. It was something he wasn’t used to doing alone but lately it was something that had been happening more and more often. But still he wasn’t able to shake the feeling and get used to it. Without your presence around, without his favorite person to bicker with, Jeongwoo found he had more time to think.

“Jeongwoo-ya!” Jaehyuk yelled. When Jeongwoo got home he was still lost deep in his thoughts, so lost that he hadn’t heard his brother call out to him at all. “Jeongwoo!” Jaehyuck yelled again, this time right into Jeongwoo’s ear. Jeongwoo flinched and poked his ear a few times to make sure he could still hear before he turned around to glare at his brother.

“What?”

“Are you good? I said hello when you came home and you just walked right past me in zombie-mode, I even offered you oreos.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Jaehyuk gave his little brother a strange look, his eyes wide and mouth gaping open. He was surprised. “You’re even apologizing now? What’s gotten into you? Are you good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I think.”

To anyone other than Jeongwoo, it was obvious that Jeongwoo was indeed not fine. “Cut the shit. Something’s on your mind, what’s wrong? Also where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her in awhile, I feel like she used to always come back here with you.”

“Aish, I’m fine. Y/N? Well… I think she’s doing okay. Honestly, I haven’t seen her in like a few weeks. One day she told me not to wait up for her and so that day I didn’t. But the next day I did and the next day and the next day…” Jeongwoo said. He hadn’t realized that each day he had waited for you until he said it aloud. Why did he wait for you?

As if he could read Jeongwoo’s mind, Jaehyuk asked “why did you wait for her? Did she tell you to?”

“No, but we used to walk back together every day.” Jeongwoo paused, “I guess I just got used to it and expected things would go back to normal. She lives next door, we’ve been walking back together for years now.”

“How do you feel about it?” Jaehyuk asked, doing his best to contain his excitement and to stop himself from cheering like he was watching a soccer match. He’d been watching this budding relationship develop for years now. It seemed like his bone-headed baby brother was finally pulling his head out of his ass. His ship was taking off. Finally.

Jeongwoo paused. “I don’t know. How am I supposed to feel? We’re just friends right?”

“Right.” Jeongwoo could hear the snark in his brother’s voice as he turned around and walked into his room. “Maybe you should think about it a little bit more.”

“Think about what?” Jeongwoo asked, exasperated, now it felt like his own brother was acting weird too. Jeongwoo wanted to pull his hair out. He wanted his brother to stop asking him such cryptic questions, he wanted to ask his friend why she had suddenly stopped walking home with him, and he just wanted...he just wanted to go back to when things were normal.

“Jeongwoo. Tell me, have you ever thought of Y/N as anything other than a friend?” Jaehyuk said. Then he pondered it for a second. “Actually, you don’t even have to tell me. Tell yourself. Be totally honest.”

With that Jaehyuk disappeared behind the door to his room and Jeongwoo stood there once again in thought. He thought about the times you had spent walking back together, sharing stories, sharing secrets, and sharing songs. He thought about how vibrant and lovely you looked when you told him what crazy things had happened to you that day. The walks back home were so much more quiet without you.

To say he had never thought about you that way was...a lie.

And I pretend I'm happy for you

When you find some dude to take home

The next day of school Jeongwoo made up his mind to confront you about it. Okay, maybe not confront you about it but ask you if everything was okay. He found you sitting in your seat in the homeroom chatting away with your friends. Jeongwoo did his best to wipe his hands on his thighs as discreetly as possible before tapping on your shoulder.

You turned around, you could feel your eyebrows shoot up when you saw Jeongwoo standing there behind you. “Hey.”

“Hi, would you mind if I had a word with you really quickly?” Jeongwoo asked.

“No, not at all. Let’s go out in the hallway.” You said, getting up from your seat and smiling at your friends before walking out of the classroom, you spun around once you were a reasonable distance from the classroom door. “What’s up?”

“I just, I was just wondering why I haven’t seen you outside the school. So you know, we can walk home together. I’ve been waiting for you.”

You felt your heart flip-flop but you didn’t let it show. “Oh, well I joined the school’s ambassador program right? The foreign exchange students arrived. They asked us to stay after to help them get accustomed to the school’s culture and to answer any questions they have. It’s actually so much fun, my student is this guy from Japan! His name is Haruto! Jeongwoo, he’s so attractive.”

Before you could continue or Jeongwoo could respond, the bell rang. You tossed an apologetic smile over your shoulder before walking into the classroom and taking a seat. Jeongwoo made his way over to his own classroom and sat down for class. But he couldn’t focus at all.

‘Haruto? Who was Haruto?’ he thought. ‘How attractive could he be? There’s no way this Haruto guy was more attractive than he was right?’

Jeongwoo pulled out his phone to check his appearance. He felt his phone ring, he glanced up to see that the teacher wasn’t looking so he clicked on the notification to read the message he just received. His chest felt weird for a quick second when he saw the notification was from you.

Y/N: Was there anything else you needed? I’m sorry you’ve been waiting for me, you don’t have to do that now. I should have told you earlier but Haruto’s been walking me home after our program.

Jeongwoo: No, that’s all I was curious about. Thanks for the heads up. Haruto sounds like a cool guy. I’m glad.

Jeongwoo was not glad.

But, I won't deny that

In the midst of the crowds

In the shapes in the clouds

I don't see nobody but you

And suddenly, it was like Jeongwoo couldn’t not see you. You were everywhere. He started to take new routes home, he visited shops, studied in cafes, sometimes he even considered joining a school club just to stay after. But everywhere he went, everything he did he thought of you. He saw something in a shop that would remind him of you, he wondered what kind of drink you’d get at the cafes he visited, and even in the most crowded streets sometimes he swore he saw your face.

You were everywhere yet nowhere at the same time.

In my rose-tinted dreams

Wrinkled silk on my sheets

I don't see nobody but you

But Jeongwoo acknowledged he was truly and utterly screwed when he started to see your pretty face in his dreams. Your face wasn’t ever the problem. It was missing you. It was wondering if you had replaced him. It was wondering if you were with that new guy Haruto now.

At the end of two weeks of utterly horrible sleep, Jeongwoo thought to himself. He needed to do something about the situation and he needed to do it fast. The best person to consult? His hopeless romantic of a brother.

you got me hooked on to something

Who could say that they saw us coming?

Tell me, do you feel the love?

“Jaehyuk-hyung. Help me.” Jeongwoo asked, slamming his brother’s door open and barging into the room.

Jaehyuk paused his game, muttered something into the microphone and then took off his headset. “What’s up?”

“I like Y/N. What do I do?”

“Awww Jeongwoo has a crush! My baby brother has finally opened his eyes and is admitting his feelings to himself.” Jaehyuk teased.

“Yeah yeah. You get to jab at me this one time and then never again. You may be older than me but I’ve grown 8 cm in the last year. I’m just as tall as you now!” Jeongwoo threatened.

“I feel like I should be able to tease you about it for a little longer than just this once. It’s so obvious between the two of you. You both are such dummies.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Jeongwoo asked. “Nevermind, I don’t think I want to know. Just help me, what do I do? She’s been spending the last few weeks after school with another guy. I have to act fast and I want to impress her.”

“Well, there’s a long weekend coming up. What do you guys like in common?”

“We talk about music a lot. She and I have similar taste in music.”

“Why don’t you take her to a concert or see live music or something?”

Jeongwoo thought about it. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how good of an idea it was and it was possible, he saw an ad for his and your favorite artist that was coming to town soon. He rushed out of Jaehyuk’s room.

“Thanks hyung!”

The first thing Jeongwoo did once he got back to his room was search the concert details. To his relief, there were still tickets available and he snatched two as quickly as he could. He breathed a sigh of relief once he found the confirmation in his email.

His mind wandered over to what Jaehyuk had said earlier ‘it’s so obvious between the two of you’. What was so obvious? Was there something he wasn’t seeing? Did you feel the way he felt about you? Did everybody else see something between the two of you that neither of you had seen yourselves?

Who else saw them coming? Did you feel the love? Was it love? Whatever. Jeongwoo just prayed you would be available this weekend.

Spend the summer of a lifetime with me

Let me take you to the place of your dreams

Tell me, do you feel the love?

Jeongwoo: Are you free this weekend? I got tickets to Big Bang’s concert. We should go.

Y/N: I’m so down to go to Big Bang. Haruto is actually a huge fan as well. He got me a ticket! We should all go together. Haruto is really cool! I think you guys would get along amazing.

Jeongwoo could feel his insides curling up on each other and the expression on his face souring. But he sucked up his pride and answered.

Jeongwoo: Awesome.

Jeongwoo had to admit, Haruto was cool. The two boys had exchanged conversations about music, sports, and clothes. Everything under the sun. Except for you. He wanted to ask but he also didn’t want to ask. He was afraid of the answer.

He tried to keep his cool when he saw you interact with Haruto. His mind was clouded with questions, worries. Was he too late in chasing your affections?

About halfway through the concert you had started to get fed up by the way Jeongwoo was acting. Bang Bang Bang came on and you were not going to let Jeongwoo’s prissy attitude ruin this experience so you grabbed his hand and started jumping. Thankfully, the sour expression on your best friend’s face started to disappear. At the sight of Jeongwoo’s goofy grin, you felt a strangely warm feeling spread through your body and the warmth flowed up into your face. You tried your best not to think too much about it.

By the end of the song, Jeongwoo had his arm thrown over your shoulder and yours was loosely wrapped around his waist as the two of you jumped to the beat. At the very end of the song as you went to land the last jump, there was a sharp pain that shot up your ankle as you landed.

Jeongwoo felt his heart lurch as he realized you were about to slip. Without even thinking, he wrapped his other arm around you and held you before you could topple over. And then all of sudden it was like the world had paused. For the first time in a few weeks, Jeongwoo really looked at his best friend for the first time.

He looked into your eyes and asked the question that he was too afraid to say aloud. ‘Do you feel the love?’

And I could say I never answered

Those believers inside my head

But that's far from the truth

For the rest of the concert, Jeongwoo held you in his arms as the two of you swayed from side to side. You hadn’t realized how much Jeongwoo had grown in the past few weeks. You were thankful that you were facing the band and that Jeongwoo stood behind you with his head resting on yours. His arms were wrapped around your shoulders.

Truthfully, the last few weeks had been both torture and a sweet relief. You knew there were feelings simmering for Jeongwoo for a long time, but lately you couldn’t put a finger on it. He had grown up and he had grown up well. And then all of a sudden the feelings exploded and they became hard to tame and hide. So when you saw the flyer for the foreign exchange students program a few weeks ago, which would run after school, you snatched up the opportunity.

The time away from Jeongwoo did help you clear up your mind a bit. And you did make a new friend from it. Haruto. And Haruto was handsome. But there was no romantic chemistry. Haruto had his own romantic issues.

But this concert wasn’t what you were expecting. It wasn’t weird for you and Jeongwoo to exchange the occasional hug. But this felt like more affection than usual and it felt good. When Jeongwoo had caught you from the fall and looked into your eyes as he held you, your head started to spin, your thoughts and feelings started to run wild again. It was harder and harder to run from the truth, that you had fallen for your best friend, Jeongwoo.

To admit that was scary. To wonder what would happen to your relationship if things changed. What if he didn’t feel the same way about you? What if he became awkward and the relationship irrevocably fell apart? But what if he did return your feelings? But then what if it didn’t work out and it all fell apart? Suddenly, this didn’t feel so good anymore.

Jeongwoo wanted to hold you and never let you go. Unaware of the many thoughts flying through your head, he wished you’d turn around and look at him again. He wished he was braver, he wished. He wished for so many things but he was scared. But for now he was so happy, so content, holding you in his arms.

Don't know what's come over me

It seems like yesterday when I said

“We'll be friends forever”

“Y/N? Can we grab food after this?” Jeongwoo asked into your ear. A sudden storm of butterflies stormed into your stomach and you pretended not to hear him as you pulled his arms off of your shoulders and stepped out of his embrace.

Jeongwoo could feel his body heat in frustration. He had never had to fight for your attention, there was never any competition for it before. But now that he had to, he hated it.

“Where’s Haruto?” you asked, looking around for your friend, avoiding eye contact with Jeongwoo. Thankfully before it became too awkward you felt your phone vibrate. You tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Haruto.

‘Haruto was great, but was he really so great he could undo the years of growing up together?’ Jeongwoo fumed silently as you read the message on your phone. He tried his best to compose himself.

Haruto: I had to go, sorry. I saw someone I used to know.

Shit.

“Y/N? What’s up?”

“Uh, Haruto dipped. He caught up with a friend.” you said. Jeongwoo did all that he could to keep the smile off of his face.

“So...you wanna grab food?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you hungry? Let’s go to McDonald’s! We should catch up. I feel like-”

“Actually, it’s kind of late Jeongwoo. And I’m kind of tired. Would you mind taking me home?”

This time, you did see the smile slide right off of Jeongwoo’s face. “Oh. Yeah of course.”

“Thanks Jeongwoo. You’re such an amazing friend to me.”

Constellations of stars

Murals on city walls

I don't see nobody but you

If Jeongwoo thought the two weeks leading up to the concert were bad, then the next two were absolute hell. Instead of moving forward, it was like your relationship had shot backwards.

‘Friend?’ Jeongwoo fumed. He was absolutely pissed every time he thought about it. He didn't want to be your friend. That much was obvious now.

Now it wasn’t just that the two of you didn’t walk back home together. Now you didn’t answer his texts. Now you didn’t even look at him in school. Now you didn’t even show up to support him at his sporting events. Now it sucked. Jeongwoo felt like a kid who had done something wrong and had been sent to time out. But what had he done wrong?

Had he overstepped his boundaries? Had he said something wrong? He hadn’t said anything other than ‘do you want to get food?’

But still Jeongwoo couldn’t get you out of his mind.

You're my vice, you're my muse

You're a nineteenth floor view

I don't see nobody but you

Jeongwoo thought he was being rational. He figured you needed space but he couldn’t figure out why. But when Jaehyuk dropped him off at lacrosse tryouts in the spring and he saw that you were in the stands chatting with Haruto he was absolutely livid. He could feel his heart face and his blood boil. Jeongwoo’s regular pleasant demeanor had evaporated in an instant.

But to be fair, all his pent up aggression seemed to work to his benefit as he exerted all of it on the field. And at the end of the day, his coach had told him that he’d done so well he might get a spot on the varsity team. That was an amazing opportunity as a Sophomore.

If Jeongwoo was livid seeing you at tryouts the first day. He was absolutely furious when he saw Haruto run up to you during breaks to chat. When he saw you hand Haruto a bottle of water with such a pretty smile on your face he wanted to punch something. Or someone.

At the end of the second day of tryouts, the coach called Jeongwoo into his office.

“I don’t know what they feed you kids over in Japan. But all four of you are good.” Jeongwoo heard once he was within hearing distance of the office. Japan? Jeongwoo’s mood soured when he saw a familiar lanky figure. He knocked on the doorframe to make his presence known to the coach.

Haruto smirked when he saw Jeongwoo standing at the door with a darkened expression on his face. But it was gone the second he turned back to face the coach.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

On the third and final day of tryouts, Jeongwoo was relieved that he didn’t see you. He cringed when he realized how horrible that thought was but he wanted to be laser focused today. He wanted to do his absolute best. No, he wanted to be the absolute best.

But his game was off, Jeongwoo was antsy and his mind kept straying. During each break he didn’t realize his eyes were wandering everywhere just to get a glimpse of you. It was infuriating to see you here for Haruto but it was unsettling not to see you here at all. And it showed.

On the field during the last game of tryouts, it was Haruto and Jeongwoo facing off against each other. Face to face, right in front of each other, just before the whistle blew Haruto taunted his opponent. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

If there was one redeeming moment of today’s tryouts it was this last game. Jeongwoo played as hard as he could, as ferocious as he could. But just for a second he lost control and played a bit dirty. The game ended when he was called for an illegal body check.

“Dude what’s your problem?” Haruto asked.

Jeongwoo turned around and got up in his face. “No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

“Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

“Boys! Over here, now!” the coach hollered before Jeongwoo could ask for an explanation.

As soon as the two boys entered the office, he asked “Jeongwoo, how do you think you played today?”

“Not the best I could have sir, something was on my mind. I apologize, it won’t happen again.”

“Damn right, it better not. After seeing you play today I was about ready to cut you from the team entirely.”

Jeongwoo felt his heart drop to his stomach. Haruto felt awkward. He wasn’t sure why he had to be here for this.

“Haruto. I saw you say something to Jeongwoo before the last game. I don’t condone foul play. Whatever petty drama you both got going on between the two of you get it sorted out, fast. Because for now, you’re teammates. Junior Varsity. Here’s the deal, if the two of you prove yourself in the first few games I’ll pull you up. But instead of competing against each other for the spot, it’s either you both get a spot or neither of you will get pulled up.”

Jeongwoo stormed out of the office. He was so angry he hadn’t even noticed that he’d nearly trampled you.

You recognized the expression on Jeongwoo’s face. It was the worst-case-scenario face. It was rare, but when it was there that meant things were bad. You turned to see Haruto exit the office, he saw you look back at Jeongwoo then back at him. Haruto jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo and gave you a nod, to which you smiled back in relief before running off after Jeongwoo.

Do you feel the love?

Feel the love

“Jeongwoo! Jeongwoo!” You yelled. He barely heard you or he ignored you, he was so pissed that he honestly didn’t know. But right now he needed to find a way to deal with the anger. He needed to go home.

But he couldn’t run away from you, not when you had caught up to him. He saw you standing in front of his path home, he looked over and saw that you had taken a shortcut that the two of you had found together years ago.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

Jeongwoo rolled his eyes and made a move to step around you. But you stepped over so that you were in his way again. And when he stepped again. You stepped again as well.

“Move. Seriously.”

“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

You felt a chill run down your spine. This wasn’t Jeongwoo. Your Jeongwoo would never speak to you like this. Your Jeongwoo? Was he even yours? He was still your friend though, right? “We’re friends. Right?”

Jeongwoo scoffed. He knew he was being rude but right now it felt like the entire world was giving him a giant middle finger.

“I don’t know. Are we?”

“Why wouldn’t we be? Friends are there for each other in times of need. You’re obviously mad and you need a friend right now. And I’m your friend right?” you felt yourself get smaller and smaller the more you spoke.

“Are you really my friend? Because honestly, lately, you’ve been a really shitty friend.”

“I-”

“For years we’ve walked home from school together, for years we’ve hung out together, supported each other, we talked to each other, about everything. Then one day you stop meeting me in front of the school, then the next day you don’t tell me what’s going on or why or even to let me know not to wait up for you, then one week then one week turns into many weeks then all of a sudden. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”

“Jeongwoo, I’m sorry-”

“I was so upset at the thought of not being close to you that I made plans for us to spend time together. Just us. And you go and invite someone else. Then just when I feel like things are starting to get better at the concert, you iced me out. Completely. You don’t answer my texts. You don’t talk to me, hell you don’t even look at me anymore!”

You could feel the tears streaming down your face. Everything Jeongwoo had said was true. In being scared of your own feelings for Jeongwoo, you had severed your friendship with him bit by bit. And now you weren’t even sure if it was still hanging by a thread.

“I have spent weeks. Going over what I did wrong in my head. I have tried so hard to talk to you, to just talk to you. I had something I wanted to say to you. But I don’t think it should be so hard to just speak to my friend. But I’ve just come to the conclusion that I haven’t done anything wrong. I wasn’t the one who was being a shit friend. That was you. So let me ask you again. Are you really my friend?”

“I-” you paused for a second to swallow. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah. I don’t know either. And honestly right now, I don’t even think I want you to be my friend. Bye Y/N.” Jeongwoo said, stepping around you. This time you didn’t stop him.

You turned around and watched his back get smaller and smaller as he walked away from you, down the path that led you home. The path the two of you had walked along together for years. You sniffled as you wiped the tears from your face.

But what you didn't see were the tears that streamed down Jeongwoo’s face.

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no-reply95 · 3 years

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Jealous Guys

Something I’ve been thinking about for a while now is the different ways jealousy manifested for John and Paul over the course of their friendship.

I’m going to look at John and Paul in turn and have a look at some of the key ways jealousy appeared, before, during and after the Beatles period. This will be a looooong post so if you want to go on deep dive keep reading below.

John

Jealousy was something that John acknowledged as a big part of his personality, as far as I’m aware, he only acknowledged his jealousy publicly in terms of his relationship with Yoko but I believe jealousy was a feature of all of John’s major relationships. John’s first real partnership was with Pete Shotton, his childhood best friend, and Pete has outlined how John’s jealousy and possessiveness was a feature in their friendship with them falling out when Pete first started showing interest in girls and with John acting out when Pete started to spend more time with other friends, instead of him, here Pete recounts John’s reflection on this period of their friendship:

“Years later John confessed to having felt acutely jealous throughout that interlude: “I was scared shitless I’d lost you after our fight in science class, when you starting playing with David Jones. I really thought I’d gone too far with you that time.“

Pete Shotton, John Lennon: In My Life , 1983

Pete’s recollections establish a pattern in John’s life of acting out due to a fear of abandonment and losing those who are closest to him so it’s not surprising that once John had formed a strong bond with Paul that would stir similar fears in him.

Below I’ve categorised the groups of people that were the focus of John’s jealousy and have picked one person from each group as an example:

Family - Jim McCartney

Paul’s family was and continues to be a big part of his life. From the outset of their friendship, John was made aware of how important Jim was to Paul and vice versa. John and Paul had to skip school to hang out together because Jim wouldn’t have John in their house initially and John confessed his resentment of Jim’s influence over Paul’s life. It appears that after some time John grew tired of having to contend with Jim for the position of the most important person in Paul’s life, and this culminated in John giving Paul a pseudo ultimatum as John discussed in 1971:

“But Paul would always give in to his dad. His dad told him to get a job, he fucking dropped the group and started working on the fucking lorries, saying, "I need a steady career." We couldn't believe it… “So I told him on the phone, "Either come or you're out." So he had to make a decision between me and his dad then, and in the end he chose me”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Friends - Mal Evans

Throughout the active years of the band it was typical of them to refer to each other as their best friends and, given the lives they led, I think the simple fact that no one else could understand what it was like to be a Beatle would have meant they all shared a special bond. However, they all had friendships outside of the band and this was something that could cause issues for John when it came to Paul.

According to Tune In, Mal initially became friends with Paul during the band's initial shows at the Cavern Club then, after a suggestion from George, Mal became a part of the Beatles entourage thereafter. Mal had friendships with all the Beatles, as part of their inner circle, but from his comments it appears John took umbrage with the closeness of Mal’s friendship with Paul:

“Paul would suddenly come in with this circle saying, “This is Magical Mystery Tour, will you write that bit?” And I was choked that he’d arranged it all with Mal anyway, for a kickoff, and had all this idea going”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Mal also comes up when John discusses his recollections of the writing of Eleanor Rigby:

“So rather than ask me, “John, do these lyrics—” Because by that period, he didn’t want to say that – to me. Okay? So what he would say was, “Hey, you guys, finish off the lyrics,”... “ Now, I sat there with Mal Evans, a road manager who was a telephone installer, and Neil Aspinall, who was a not-completed student accountant who became our road manager. And I was insulted and hurt that he’d thrown it out in the air”...” There might be a version that they contributed, but there isn’t a line in there that they put in.“

Playboy interview, David Sheff 1980

John’s discomfort with the closeness of Paul’s relationship with Mal was something that wasn’t lost on Mal’s wife Lil:

“He was always at their beck and call. He was a nice fella to have around, so much so that it could provoke little jealousies within the band. When I met Yoko years after Mal died, she said John had told her he’d been very jealous at one point of Mal’s relationship with Paul.”

Lil Evans interview with Ray Connolly, 2005

Love interests - Linda McCartney

Throughout their friendship both John and Paul had quite a few love interests, which (to varying degrees) prompted jealousy between them.

Although John displayed jealousy of a few of Paul’s love interests this was no more apparent than with Paul’s first wife Linda McCartney, which is confirmed by both John’s words and actions regarding Linda and her partnership with Paul:

“"Then Klein informed Lennon that McCartney had secretly been increasing his stake in Northern Songs. ‘John flew into a rage,’ recalled Apple executive Peter Brown. ‘At one point I thought he was really going to hit Paul, but he managed to calm himself down.’ One unconfirmed report of this meeting had Lennon leaping towards Linda McCartney, his fists raised in her face"

Peter Doggett, You Never Give Me Your Money

"Int: When did you first meet her [Linda]? John: The first time I saw her was after that press conference to announce Apple in America. We were just going back to the airport and she was in the car with us. I didn't think she was particularly attractive, I wondered what he was bothering having her in the car for. A bit too tweedy, you know. But she sat in the car and took photographs and that was it. And the next minute she's married him."

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

“I was reading your letter and wondering what middle aged cranky Beatle fan wrote it... "What the hell—it’s Linda! . . . Linda— if you don’t care what I say—shut up!—let Paul write—or whatever.”

"Of course, the money angle is important—to all of us—especially after all the petty shit that came from your insane family/in laws—and GOD HELP YOU OUT, PAUL—see you in two years—I reckon you’ll be out then"

Draft letter from John Lennon to Linda McCartney, circa 1971

"The presumption is a) the Beatles would get together again or are even thinking about it and b) if they got together, John and Yoko split, Paul and Linda split"

John (with Yoko) talks to John Fielding on Weekend World, 1973

"John often speculated on why Paul and Linda remained married while, at the same time, resenting their evident happiness, to the extent that he had Green do a tarot reading to ensure him that Paul and Linda were really secretly miserable and were going to divorce within a year"

According to Fred Seaman and John Green, source

Paul

Of course jealousy wasn't a one-way street in the Lennon-McCartney relationship. Unlike with John, for Paul I'm focusing more on the key people I believe his jealousy, regarding John, was directed to:

Stuart Sutcliffe

John met Stu at Art College and struck up a really close friendship with him. At the point that John met Stu, John had already become friends with Paul so Paul felt threatened when Stu entered the picture:

"When he [Stu] came into the band, around Christmas of 1959, we were a little jealous of him; it was something I didn’t deal with very well. We were always slightly jealous of John’s other friendships.

When Stuart came in, it felt as if he was taking the position away from George and me. We had to take a bit of a back seat."

Paul McCartney, Anthology 2000

"Paul was saying something about Stu’s girl – he was jealous because she was a great girl, and Stu hit him, on stage. And Stu wasn’t a violent guy at all."

John Lennon, 1967 Anthology 2000

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I’d believe him. We were awful to him sometimes. Especially Paul, always picking on him. I used to explain afterwards that we didn’t dislike him, really."

John Lennon, The Beatles Hunter Davies 1968

Yoko Ono

Of all the relationships I've already discussed, the relationship and jealousy displayed from Paul towards Yoko is probably the most widely discussed in Beatles historiography and general discourse. From the official start of Yoko's relationship with John in 1968 it was clear that Paul resented her presence in John's life and her proximity to the band:

"He even sent them [John and Yoko] a hate letter once, unsigned, typed. I brought it in with the morning mail. Paul put most of his fan mail in a big basket and let it sit for weeks, but John and Yoko opened every piece. When they got to the anonymous note, they looked puzzled, looking at each other with genuine pain in their eyes. ‘You and your Jap tart think you’re hot shit’, it said."

Francie Schwartz, Body Count 1972

"Cause she’s [Yoko] very much to do with it from John’s angle, that’s the thing, you know. And I – the thing is that I – there’s— Again, like, there’s always only two answers. One is to fight it, and fight her, and try and get The Beatles back to four people without Yoko, and sort of ask her to sit down at the board meetings. Or else, the other thing is to just realize that she’s there, you know. And he’s not gonna sort of – split with her, just for our sakes."

Paul McCartney, Let It Be Sessions, 1969

"I told John on the phone the other day that at the beginning of last year I was annoyed with him. I was jealous because of Yoko, and afraid about the break-up of a great musical partnership. It’s taken me a year to realise that they were in love. Just like Linda and me."

Paul McCartney, interview with Ray Connolly, 1970

What are the similarities and differences in the way jealousy manifested for John and Paul?

I think it's obvious but bears repeating that both John and Paul displayed jealousy towards other people who they felt would threaten their relationship so that's central to all the instances I have flagged, Jim, Mal, Linda, Stu, Yoko all posed real or imagined threats to John and Paul's partnership.

However, you'll note that I included more sources to display John's jealousy regarding Paul and that I categorised John's jealousy targets whereas I only pulled out two key individuals for Paul, this isn't to say that John was more jealous than Paul was, as jealousy isn't something you can quantify, but to highlight my opinion that Paul's jealousy regarding John was more targeted than John's jealousy regarding Paul. I think what stands out to me is that, I think generally Stu and Yoko are held up as the prime examples of Paul's jealousy of other people getting close to John, as far as we know, Paul never had significant issues with other people who formed close relationships with John like Pete Shotton, Cynthia Lennon, Magic Alex etc., why was that? I think that Paul was more threatened when he felt that John was replacing him so by bringing Stu into the band (even though he wasn't a musician) and Yoko into the studio (one instance where Paul was especially hurt was when John gave Paul's line in The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill to Yoko to sing), Paul perhaps felt that his place as John's primary collaborator was in jeopardy and that he could lose a partnership that had become central to his self-worth as a person - that, I believe, was when his jealousy was most likely to rise to the fore. John, on the other hand, had a much wider range of targets when it came to jealousy regarding Paul, why was John jealous of Linda? Linda wasn't trying to replace John as Paul's collaborator, if anything she wanted the Lennon-McCartney partnership to be stronger. Why was John jealous of Mal? Mal wasn't a musician, Mal was a huge fan of the band and constantly worked to fulfil their requests, so why was John so threatened by his friendship with Paul? For me, John's jealousy regarding Paul was more than just a fear of directly being replaced, I believe John's jealousy was fundamentally triggered by a fear of abandonment. I think the childhood trauma John experienced, of being left by both his parents, meant that whenever any of his close friendships and relationships were threatened, or he felt that someone close to him may leave him, he would act out. John fell out with his childhood best friend Pete when he got a girlfriend, John hit Cynthia when he saw her dancing with Stu, John was rude to several of Paul's love interests and ultimately John never fully accepted Paul's relationship with Linda because, although he could see that she could offer Paul the family life he always wanted, John didn't want Linda to take Paul away and give him a family that meant that Paul would no longer be able to prioritise John in his life as he had in the past.

Ultimately, we'll never know all the ways that jealousy factored into John and Paul's relationship with each other and those around them, as I'm sure it impacted several relationships in more complex ways than I can articulate (i.e. I suspect jealousy played a part in Paul's initial resentment of Brian but they grew closer over time so maybe Paul's jealousy lessened over time or Brian became less of a threat?). I do think it's important to consider that jealousy was present on both sides and was likely a factor in the breakdown of John and Paul's relationship, the breakdown of the Beatles and was a continued factor in disrupting reconciliations between John and Paul into the 70s and 1980.

#the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #john and paul #paul and linda #john and yoko #jealous guy #linda mccartney #yoko ono #stuart sutcliffe #mal evans #jim mccartney #brian epstein #long post #thoughts

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