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runningfrom2am · 4 months

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leveling the playing field // epilogue

summary: seven years later.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.7k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. this part is quite tame! idk, discussion of the games as a concept is pretty messed up? obviously r & coryo are both delusional but whats new??

a/n: this is it :') thank you all so so so much for all the love on this fic! it means so much to me that you guys enjoyed it! but don't get too sad (like me) bc i am not ready to let them go so i'll probably do like blurbs and stuff ab this series so stick around for those!

series masterlist // playlist

~ seven years later ~

"You've got this, Darling. It's going to be perfect." Coryo insists, kissing your temple as you relentlessly adjust your hair, trying to tame any imaginary flyaways in your flawlessly straightened hair.

"As long as it's not a disaster..." You mumble, giving up on your hair and refocusing on making sure you have all your papers.

Arena map? Check. Tribute and mentors list? Check. Schedule?

"With you in charge, I do not doubt that it will be anything short of flawless. I know you. You wouldn't have it any other way." Your husband assures you, taking your spot in front of the large mirror to adjust his red coat, matching to yours.

You sigh, tucking the large stack of meticulously organized papers into your bag. "I mean, does anyone honestly expect it to be perfect? It's my first games... There's a small margin for error, right?"

"No." Coryo replies sternly, turning to face you. He grabs your chin as you groan, forcing your eyes to meet his. "There's no room for error, but it will be perfect. So don't worry." He plants a gentle kiss on your lips. "And if you need anything, just call."

"Okay..." You hum, smiling as you look up at him. "I'm going to miss you, though." Your smile shifts into a pout, and he kisses your forehead.

"I know. I'll miss having my assistant around, too." He mumbles against the softness of your skin.

Your time working together under Dr. Gaul had been a dream. Why did everything have to change all at once? You've been together every day for years, and you had the most fun helping plan the games and pitching all your ideas to Dr. Gaul, staying up late over ideas due the next morning and too many cups of coffee, giggling over how funny it would be to see a games where the people of the Districts got to vote over who to send in.

"Do you think it's because that's kind of what happened to Lucy Gray?" You giggled in the dark, feeling Coryo's form shift under the blankets next to you before you felt his breath hit the side of your face.

"Now that you mention it..." He laughed quietly. "Yeah, it totally was."

You had always come up with Dr. Gaul's favourite ideas together. But now, she was gone. And it was just you. You honestly thought that woman was some kind of immortal beast, but clearly, no one is fully bulletproof.

She had offered the position of Head Gamemaker to both of you in her will. You and Coriolanus had worked well together, she had always said that about you. That the two of you were her favourite experiment.

"No, Darling. You take it."

"What? No, we've always done everything together." You protest, furrowing your brow. "She's offered it to both of us, we can do whatever we want, no more waiting for her approval. We can run with it! Come on, it'll be so fun, Coryo."

"That's your dream. Not mine." He smiled at you, brushing his thumb over your cheek.

You frowned, focussing yourself on pulling the buttons of his shirt so they were perfectly aligned. "Are... Are you sure? I don't know if I can do it without you."

"You'll never do anything without me, you know that." He hummed, pushing your hair out of your eyes. "If you need help, just ask. I'm right here. Always."

"I'm not an assistant anymore." You laugh. "Technically, you're kind of my assistant now." You shrug, leaning down to pull on your shoes, white with bottoms red to match your coat.

"Okay, well, I wouldn't put it like that..." He laughs, shaking his head at you and holding out a hand to steady you while you adjust yourself to accommodate your heels.

You take it gratefully, standing up and brushing off your coat once more with your free hand. "Be honest, Coryo, do you think the bear is too much? I feel a little like it's cheating, they don't even really have a chance. Do you get what I mean?"

"Darling," He cups your cheeks in his hands. "No one will be able to look away. That's the most important part."

"I just... I want it to be something different. Something people will still want to watch."

"Everyone will be watching." He assures you. "Now, let's get going. You have a big day ahead."

"Yes sir, Mister President."

"My name is Lucretius "Lucky" Flickerman, your favourite and only host of the annual Hunger Games on Capitol TV, and I have a very special treat for you all this morning before the beginning of the games." You gently remove your coat as you sit down across from Lucky, holding it out for someone to take before the cameras flit your way, though the live audience can already see you.

"For anyone who lives under a rock, this beautiful woman here with me is our lovely First Lady of Panem, and now, Head Gamemaker, Dr. Y/N Snow." He continues as your coat is taken away, and you smile across at him. "Thank you so much for squeezing us into your very busy schedule. Now, how are you feeling about today, Miss Snow?"

"Doctor is fine." You correct him politely, to which he utters a quick apology. "And I am feeling very good about my first games. Dr. Gaul left some big shoes to fill, but I've been working with her for years so I have some really exciting ideas that I just can't wait for the world to see."

"Yes! I'm certain you do." Lucky grins. "Now, I don't know how much of our audience will remember this, but the first time we met was during the tenth games, I was hosting for the first time and you and your husband were both mentors! Just young academy students with some big dreams, isn't that right?"

You laugh, nodding as he speaks and letting the cheers die down. "Yes, I remember that. All of us were kind of getting a feel for how things would work, and my husband was actually the one who came up with the ideas of betting and sponsorships. He has truly always been such a leader, and so smart. He was the one who asked Dr. Gaul if I could help him with his mentorship, and she agreed, and then she just really loved how well we worked together so she kept us around to study under her all these years. It has been such a fun and kind of... fulfilling journey for us both."

"And now, here you are." He nods at you.

"Here I am." You echo it back to him, waiting for another question.

"Now, we have to address what can only be described as the elephant in the room..." He starts, and you try and hide your confused look as you straighten your posture. If there was some kind of problem you should have been made aware before you set foot on stage. "That summer, after your mentorship. Tell us. What happened? Both of you disappeared off the face of the earth right after your success in the games, then came back with these shiny new internships under Dr. Gaul, how did you swing that?"

"Oh!" You laugh, partially relieved it wasn't about these games, but hesitant because everyone knows better than to bring up the tenth games in any sort of detail. "Well, that was the beginning of our internship with Dr. Gaul, and she wanted us to gain some life experience, so we did some touring of the Districts on our own to get to know the people of Panem better. Neither of us had ever left home before, so it was definitely a unique experience that I think was really good for both of us. It was a super secret thing, for some reason. We weren't even to tell our families."

"I see! Well, I hope you learned everything you sought out to?"

"We did." You nod. "And more."

"Okay, well, with that cleared up, tell us more about the games you have planned for us this year. Is there anything new we should be expecting?"

"Oh, definitely." You nod, smiling wide now that you can once again talk about your games. "But I wouldn't want to spoil anything, so everyone will just have to watch." You shrug.

"I don't know if you are aware of this, Dr. Snow," He leans in a little closer, smile on his face. "But one new thing that we know for sure is changing this year, is that the president, your husband, has made it mandatory to watch the games. Not just here in the Capitol, but everywhere in the Districts as well. He made an announcement just this morning, he wants everyone to see what you've worked so hard for."

"Aw." You blush, pressing your hands to your chest. "That's so sweet! No, I didn't know that." The audience eats up your reaction, and you try to keep your eyes on him instead of acknowledging all the clapping and shouts from below you.

"Well, that's just about the cutest surprise! He has a lot of confidence in you." He laughs, reaching over and patting your leg. "You've all heard it here, he's just as good a husband as he is a president!"

"It's true." You agree, hardly audible over the crowds enthusiasm.

"Speaking of your husband..." He says, turning back to look into the wing of the stage and nodding at someone. "He set us up with a little surprise for you, if you don't mind."

"Oh, please." You laugh, covering your face as your cheeks heat up. "Of course he did." You shake your head, whistles from the audience not helping your blush.

"Okay, you can look now. Don't hide!" Lucky laughs, and you lower your hands from in front of your face to be presented with a bouquet of white and red roses. It wasn't an extravagant gift from him, the amount of roses he has gifted to you since your return from Twelve together is astronomical by now, but it's a gesture you cherish nonetheless. You smile as you take them.

"Beautiful, as always." You grin, making a point of smelling them before handing them back to the assistant who's waiting with a vase for them.

"And we have one more thing here, I believe..." He hums, looking back again while you're distracted passing off the wrapped flowers.

When you turn back to look at him you gasp, hands flying up to cover your mouth, fearless of whether or not you would smudge your lipstick. "Is that for me?" You ask, voice higher in octave from the excitement as one of the stagehands walks out with a small dog, fur dyed a soft shade of red with a matching bow around its neck.

"Indeed it is!" Lucky laughs as you're handed the puppy.

"Oh my god..." You smile, tears brimming in your eyes. "Hi there..."

"I think there's a note for you there too..." Lucky urges you and you grab the tag tied onto the bow. "Mind reading it for us?" He says, holding his handkerchief out to you.

"Thank you," You laugh, dabbing under your eyes with your free hand. "A new assistant to match your shoes." You read, laughing at the inside joke.

Everyone laughs, and you get from Lucky's confused expression that you should explain. "Uh, working under Dr. Gaul we would always joke that he was my assistant and vice versa." You laugh, wiping your eyes again before you continue. "I am so proud of you. Finally, the world will see you as I do. Intelligent, strong, and beautiful. Unstoppable. That's why I love you, you're as pure as the driven Snow."

The audience awe's, but you know none of them get it the way you do. "Another inside joke." You nod at Lucky, trying to hold back from crying so much you turn into a mess.

"I stand corrected. That is the cutest surprise." He points to the dog in your lap. "Both literally and figuratively."

"I don't know what I'll do with it." You laugh, shaking your head as the puppy jumps up against your chest, trying to lick your face.

"How about a name, to start?" Lucky prompts you.

"Oh, gosh. Well..." You giggle, lifting it and setting it back down so it will sit in your lap. It's so small, hardly bigger than your hands. It'll likely never grow larger than your lap. It's perfect. "What about Lucky?" You tease.

"Oh, you flatter me, Y/N. Come on, something better."

"I don't know!" You laugh. "I'm not good at naming... things."

Lucky laughs. "Our Head Gamemaker with no ideas? That seems unlikely."

"Okay, okay. You're just putting me on the spot here, I'm a little nervous." You laugh, stroking over the dog's head. "I tell you what, before the games begin this morning I'll come up with twelve names, assign them randomly to the districts, then whoever shall win the games will determine the name of my dog. Does that sound fair?"

"Ah! That's brilliant!" Lucky laughs, clapping his hands together. "And that's a good incentive for anyone who hasn't yet placed their bets or sent in donations for the tributes! Your donation may just be what gives the First Lady's dog its name. How fun!"

"It'll be interesting." You giggle, looking down at the puppy in your lap. It must have been white before the dye, it took so well. Maybe it will fade into a pink before it grows out its natural white fur- you wouldn't want it to stay red forever, but for show, it was perfect.

"Now, we really shouldn't be taking up any more of your time. You have a busy day ahead!" Lucky says and you nod in agreement, standing up and carefully tucking the small dog under your arm. "Thank you for making time for us, I know I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for us."

"Thank you. I really hope you all enjoy the games!" You smile, holding out a hand for him to shake which he takes quickly, then allowing you to walk off the stage.

As predicted by a certain Mister President; Coriolanus Snow, your first games as Head Gamemaker went without a hitch. They were perfect in every way. Capitol citizens were buzzing- not just about the games, the mutts you incorporated into the newly decorated arena, or the most shocking kills, but also about your dog. The people loved her, and so did you. She hardly ever left your lap or your side for the duration of the games, which only lasted a matter of days.

The party your husband threw for you at the presidential palace, your home, at the end of the games was extravagant. Coryo couldn't help but broadcast his pride to all of the Capitol. He loved you; you were his, and he needed everyone to know. Not a soul in all the world was anywhere close to being on your level, and shaping you into the perfect wife and First Lady was what Coriolanus Snow considered his greatest achievement. As you stood next to him, his palm tucked neatly against your lower back, you were perfect. More perfect than you were the day you fought for a spot in the mentorships that he granted you, more perfect than the he first time he kissed you, and more perfect than both of the days he had killed someone for you. Without question, he would do it all again if it meant he would get to hold you even just one more time.

"I'm so proud of you, Love." He gently rubs your back, looking down at you while you overlook your garden from the patio off of your bedroom.

You smile, standing up on your toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Snow lands on top." You whisper, biting your lip when you see a shift behind his eyes.

"You bet we do." He hums with a smug smile, lifting you up and carrying you back inside.

And somewhere, thousands of miles away in the Northern shambles of a still recovering District Thirteen, while you and your husband are celebrating, Sejanus Plinth and Lucy Gray Baird share knowing, sorrowful glances when it's announced on the crackling radio that the winner of the Seventeenth Annual Hunger Games was a boy from District Two, and because of this, the First Lady of Panem's dog shall be called Sage.

taglist: @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @klplynn , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @gloryekaterina , @andrewgarfieldsbitch , @queenofspades6 , @pepperonipastas , @ladybug0095 , @lunamothwrites , @sbrewer21 , @mus-tbe-a-weasley , @splxtscreen , @unclecrunkle , @karmaswitch , @coconut-dreamz , @nekee-lilac02 , @ooooglymoooogly , @riddlerloveb0t , @lovedbalances , @notyourwildestdream , @snowlandson-top , @too-lit-for-fanfic , @utopiakys , @deafeningballoonnacho , @roosterschanelslut , @chmpgneprblem , @cosmoetik , , @urvampgfsworld , @carolanns-world@nan-nie , @shakespearseclipse , @iovemoonyy , @notyoursweetheart-honey , @xyzstar , @eatpizzasass, @slytherinholland , @queenofshinigamis , @elodiebeau , @soulessjourney

taglist is closed for coryo unfortunately, but my requests for him are open!! so send me all your suggestions!! requests here!!

#tbosas #coriolanus snow #hunger games #tbosas x reader #tbosas fic #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus x you #coriolanus fanfiction #coryo x reader #coryo snow

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heartsoji · 1 year

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falling in love with your roommate, suna rintaro

roommates to lovers

a/n: i haven't read the manga so i don't rly know anything abt rin's fam situation - sorry if any info is incorrect loll also this is more of like a college au?? idk if rin went to college but here it is

a/n pt. 2: i kinda switch between using rin and suna sorry

"rintaro!"

"what?"

"aren't you tired of living in my home, still? you're 21! i'm sure all of your friends have moved out already, right? most of them probably moved out at 18, but you haven't budged an inch!" mrs. suna scolded.

"yeah, yeah, pipe down, mom. i'll move out soon, i promise."

"no! it was fine that you stayed home for your freshman year of college, and i thought that you'd start being independent for your sophomore year, but you're still completely dependent on us! you don't cook, buy groceries, clean, or do any work around here! what are you going to do when you've graduated and you don't know how to run a washing machine?"

"yes, yes, i'm sorry."

"and i was very understanding of the fact that you didn't want to move into a dorm, but aren't you tired of commuting hours away when you could just get a closer apartment?"

"mhm, mhm."

she sighed. "rintaro, you know im only saying this because i care about you. i want you to be independent and strong, you know?"

"yep. i just booked an apartment tour via online."

"and i- huh?"

yeah.

soon after he decided the apartment was in good enough condition to be living in, he rented it out and moved in.

on his moving day, he met you.

"hi! you're.. suna rintaro, right? sorry i wasn't there on your tour day. i'm your new roommate, l/n! nice to meet you." you said, a friendly smile on your features.

stoically, suna replied, "good to meet you."

at first, you and suna kinda kept to yourselves. you were polite to each other, of course, but there wasn't much talking, only coexisting.

that is, until you discovered his grocery bills.

"$18... you've been surviving on $18?!" you looked at him in shock.

"yeah. is that weird?"

"damn right it is! what are you even buying?"

"well.. i don't know how to cook anything, so i mostly order door dash. my grocery bill is from instant ramen, chuppets, eggs, and milk."

you stare at him blankly.

"you've been eating nothing but door dash, instant ramen, candy, eggs, and milk for the past 2 months?"

"yeah."

this guy.

he just stands there awkwardly at you laugh at him.

from then on, you two become closer.

you taught him basic recipes to make using groceries you taught him to buy, (imagine his shock when his bill came out to be like $60.. and you were like "bro that's normal") you taught him how to use a washing machine, ("oh, so you put the detergent in this compartment..") etc. just basic household chores, but he was so impressed.

eventually, you two stopped being friendly roommates and just became friends.

he was a good listener. you'd rant to him about your problems, no matter how insignificant, and he'd listen to you carefully, and you never felt like your problems were stupid whenever you talked to him.

you two started hanging out a lot. you'd study together at cafes, go to amusement parks on weekends, and just chill at home together.

and as much as you hated to admit it, you had started developing feelings for your roomie.

i mean, how could you not? he was tall, handsome, kind, funny, cheeky, and it certainly helped that you got to see him all tired in the mornings.

you didn't really know if he felt the same way, but if he did, he was a real bitch, because at some point, your relationship became kind of flirty, and he'd give you butterflies on a daily basis.

you two would watch scary movies and he'd let you cling to him, giving your terrified features a teasey smile every now and then.

he'd walk around the apartment with his toned abs out, and his sweats dangerously low on his hips.

when you guys went on walks, he'd give you his hoodie if it got cold.

whenever you'd go on long rants, he'd just stare at your face with love in his eyes. "and then i-what is it, rin?" "nothing, pretty."

like sir you can't just do that. you're too handsome to do that without risk of heart explosion.

then, one day, unexpectedly, he popped the question.

you two were watching a cheesy romcom for the 5th time, sharing a pot of instant ramen, and at the same moment that the male lead said to the female lead, "i like you. a lot. i have for a while now," rin did too.

it wasn't grand.

it wasn't loud.

it wasn't annoying.

you weren't even sure if he meant it.

but when you saw him looking at you, nervous, awaiting a response, you knew he did.

so, at the same time the female lead said, "me too," you did too.

then, with the cheesy romantic music playing in the back, you guys gave each other cheesy smiles, and he planted a cheesy peck on your cheek.

it was subtle.

it was sweet.

it was cheesy.

it was familiar.

it was uncharacteristically romantic and sentimental.

it was just like how your future relationship with your roomie and best friend, suna rintaro, was going to be.

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geothermalescapist · 25 days

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What are your thoughts on mixology certification (the episode)? It’s one of my favs cause I love seeing more of Troy and the Troy and Annie scene at the end is one of my fav scenes ever

I LOVE ITT. and that scene is so peak yeah. so here. my collection of thoughts on mixology certification written at midnight

it’s probably one of my favorites really because it’s like so good for a sitcom episode where the characters are out of their normal situation. ykwim? it could’ve gone bad but it works

its such a great troy episode. obviously wanting to grow up stays part of his character for a while longer but the dynamic between him and that motivation is just shifted. its realized. defined . and so well. it’s pivotal really

also i really like the farscape bit. its funny and it adds a little “yeah guys abed knows what sex is” to everything. always cool because i know some people r out here forgetting that

REDSTREET DONT EVEN GET ME STARTEDD. OHH BOY oh redstreet THEY THOUGHT IT WAS DIFFERENT BARS ohg. euh

shirley’s part in this episode is also very interesting and important to jer character i’d say? i think they could’ve enunciated more on it so to speak but her being an ex alcoholic is like. well you see idk what to do with that and i think deep down neither did they

caroline from corpus christi. what even is hospital administration. who am i, annie?

you’re annie.!

its also funny and silly and has good jokes. like the scene where jeffbritta are making out and abed is just. sitting there. uncomfortably. makes me giggle every time.

#community #community nbc #nbc community #abed nadir #troy barnes #annie edison #community tv show #britta perry #shirley bennett #jeff winger

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years

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I see your request is open and I'm excited to make one ❤️😭 can I request how ateez would react on trying period cramp simulator?? Like their s/o brought them the device and forces them to have a taste of how it feels to be at the verge of dying every once a month 🤧

ateez reactions to a period cramp simulator

genre: full crack, lmao

word count: 0.7k

warnings: mentions of a pain kink, cursing

authors notes: lowercase intentional. thank you so much for requesting, honestly you made my day this was such a good idea of yours! i really enjoyed writing this, the thought of it is so freaking funny to me idk why 😭 anyways i really hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!

hongjoong

i can just imagine his face dropping when you tell him what that device in your hand was for. you can see his fear building in his eyes. he would throw some excuse at you like "oh yeah for sure i will do that but uhh maybe another time? i'm too busy atm baby" or "nah i'm tired rn, but it sounds like a great idea don't get me wrong *eye twitch*" obviously you don't give his excuses the time of day, walking over and pulling his shirt up, telling him "well my period comes at inconvenient times too. when nature calls you'll just have to deal with it-" "YEAH BUT IT ISN'T NATURAL FOR ME??"

seonghwa

he thinks you're joking at first ngl. he lets out a soft little chuckle at your idea, but when he sees you're actually serious all laughing stops. will hold your hand and squeeze it extremely hard like its a birth simulator instead of a period one because he is ✨STRUGGLING.✨ afterwards he will probably be like "babe, i had no idea this was so painful 🥺🥺🥺" and proceed to buy you mountains of chocolates, flowers, sanitary products, everything. he's so supportive <3

yunho

baby asks what he has done wrong 😭😭 like, what has he done to deserve this?? but you have to reassure him like "noooo, you didn't do anything wrong i was just curious and wanted to try it." he's giving you the biggest, most adorable puppy eyes he could ever muster but he eventually lets you have your little experiment. and regretfully so. i feel like yunho has pretty good pain tolerance but still, he has never had this amount of pain in that specific area so he's amazed

yeosang

"no" "yes" "no" "yes" "i'm not doing that" "yes you are". it will take a lot of bickering before yeosang gives into you, rolling his eyes when you sort out the device on him. you start on the lowest setting but because he was arguing with you before you turn the pain level up, and up, and up. "yeah its not that ba- ah!" he winces as it gets worse and worse. "there is no way you go through this every month??"

san

gets all pouty and starts whining when you put the device on him. "y/nnnn ahh have a not been a sweet boyfriend to you? treated you right? why must i suffer????" when you finally turn on the simulator, at first he's like "...oh... yk what i think i can do this actuall- LORD HELP ME" you'd think those rock hard abs of his could withstand the pain but man is trying to fight back tears over here-

mingi

mingi thinks he is going to die. his pain tolerance is not that best so this simulator thing is pretty unbearable for him. at some point you gotta take pity on the guy and low the pain because you can see in his eyes that he's hurting so much <///3 after this littel experiment is over, he is panting and glaring at you. "right, no cuddles for you for the rest of the week!" this little protests literally lasts an hour, tops

wooyoung

"so what you're saying is that you have a pain kink" "wha- wooyoung!" "why else do you want me to do this?" he laughs his obnoxious hyena laugh ily wooyoung and he's obviously teasing you and turning it into a joke but there's no deny the trace of hesitance in his eyes. anyways long story short, you have to tackle and restrain him to put the device on. you don't know if he's being his super dramatic self or if he is in actual pain but he is not having a good time, nope. he's definitely gonna get you back for this one.

jongho

would probably laugh and shrug. he likes a good challenge and i feel like he has good pain tolerance too?? so he's like "sure, why not ig?" but as the cramps start to increase in frequency and pain, in his mind he starts to regret his decision. his face is blank for most of the time because you're just staring at him waiting to see his reaction. he sorta purses his lips and mutters "are we done yet?" and you smile and shrug "nah we still got the highest setting to go." oh shit.

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mikasuxxx · 1 year

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hii!! short hc rq—been thinking about 141 + friends with an aggressively american reader like. specifically british people with words like “y’all” and “aint” [harassing them with “y’aint” sounds funny as fuck] and idk teasing them ab the war like. it’s been on my mind all day

Lol i love that. Bet! Also sorry i couldnt do more characters im kinda tired rn so I'll do them later! Thanks for the ask anon!

Soap

would find it funny as fuck

every time you say "yall" or "aint" he cant help but giggle

He laughs whenever youre talking shit about brits and bringing up the revolutionary war

ESPECIALLY if you bring up the (dead) queen. Bro is already on the floor

Tries to put on an american accent. Ends up sounding southern. Seeing this, you try to put on a scottish accent. But fail miserably

Plays the eagle sound effect whenever you enter a room, thinks its the funniest shit ever

Is entertained by watching you argue with price over "soccer" vs "football"

Price

oh he's so done with your shit

Whenever he's winning an argument with you and you KNOW hes winning, you'll switch to a bri'ish accent. Works everytime

Lowkey flinches whenever you say "yall". flinches harder when you say "y'ain't"

Alternativey when youre in an argument you just say "Aint yall's queen dead? Yeah. thats what i thought" and he just gives you a look

Or the revolutionary war.

as mentioned before hes gotten into an argument with you many times over whether its soccer or football

"Its football. You literally kick the BALL with your FOOT." "Okay well its still called soccer idc" "...."

oh hes REALLY not looking forward to seeing you brag in his face after the US vs UK world cup game

"ITS CALLED SOCCER 🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🏈🏈🏈"

"NOBODY EVEN SCORED"

You had him try american beer/alcohol brands in general. He said it tastes like piss

Gaz

Hes also amused by it

buys you cowboy boots as a joke. You end up unironically wearing them all the time

Paid you $5 to say yeehaw as loud as you could. wouldnt stop laughing for like 10 mins after

You taught him how to sing the national anthem. Now whenever hes drink he sings it

Is weirded out but also interested in the different words americans have for random things

challenges you to point out every european country on the world map you challenged him to point out the queens burial sight on the map of england

He started saying yall and aint from being around you for so long

Yall mock each others accent too. all in good fun

Ghost

is annoyed by you

generally doesnt like americans

Really doesnt understand some of the shit americans do/say

will never admit it but he sometimes finds those british slandering jokes kinda funny. like he'll huff out some air

He kinda likes some of the food. you cant blame him tho british food sucks

he thinks there's too much fat and grease in most of the food tho

Tolerates you because you dont slander him as much as the others. And overall on missions you get the job done. so its fair game

#mw2022 #mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #john soap mactavish #john mactavish #john price #kyle garrick #kyle gaz garrick #mw2 headcanons #aya answers #asks

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krystaldeath · 1 month

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Cult of The Lamb hc’s (part of me feels like I should wait till I play the game myself - or watch a full playthrough at least - before I “solidify” these but meh. For now at least these are how I see things):

* Kinda typical hc I feel like but Leshy is the youngest, then it’s Heket, Narinder, Kallamar, and then Shamura is the oldest.

* Idk what their ages would be chronologically wise but my personal hc’s for “biological” age are: Leshy (21), Heket (25), Narinder (27), Kallamar (32), and Shamura (40). I think Lamb is about 200 years chronologically but 28 “biologically” (I think it’s funny if they’re “older” than Narinder)

* I don’t have a name for them yet but my version of the Yellow Cat is a little bit fucked up actually. Like they seem chill and they kinda are? But they’ve got a body count. And no not the sex kind. Think of that one audio where the guy answers the body count with 30 and when it’s clarified that it’s about sex he’s like “Oh well I haven’t done that yet!” And the other persons like “WHAT DOES 30 MEAN THEN???”

* I need y’all to know I project onto The Lamb HARD. So yeah, they always wanted to be kind and sorta made it a big part of their personality. Unfortunately their world and circumstances just doesn’t allow for their kindness. They still try to be as kind as they can be, but it’s hard when you’re slowly ascending to godhood, especially into the god of death.

* Also Agender Lamb. They/Them and ONLY They/Them Lamb all the way. Demi ro & sex & pan. They’re a?ab (assigned ??? At birth; bc I can’t decide but if you MUST know I think they can shapeshift a bit now so. Maybe they forgot themself lol). Presents androgynously, leaning either way whenever they feel like it. They have a more masc voice though I think, like the ones people use in comic dubs a lot.

* Once I figure out how to draw (could stop it there I am Rusty) anthropomorphic animals it’s over for y’all (Translation: I will draw my self insert and The Lamb being kinda fucked up Besties)

* ((PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT MY SELF INSERT AND OTHER OC INSERTS I HAVE FOR THIS THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL))

* The cotl fandom is filled with queer people who’ve got some level of religious trauma, let me recommend a recent song I’ve been looping and imagining a cotl/narilamb animatic to: Collared by Vane Lily (look it up on YouTube to watch the fun mv first!) WARNING IT IS HIGHLY SUGGESTIVE

* I’ve been flip flopping a bit on what species she’d be but I have ideas for a follower love interest for Heket! At first I thought a bunny, then a bee, and currently feeling like a bat would be cute. Idk but I do see her as a warrior type who also likes to bake and do cutesy things too

* I think once the bishops become followers their injuries are worse but they can still “work” around them: Leshy can kinda see things if they’re up close. Heket can sorta speak but not fast and she’s got. Well not a sore throat bc. She doesn’t have one of those anymore. But something akin to that constantly. Kallamar can only hear loud things or if someone spoke into his ear directly (he only allows those in his polycule and his siblings (minus Narinder) to get that close). Shamura does get a bit lost in their own mind, and even when they’re more conscious their memory is spotty.

* Back to my Yellow Cat being a bit fucked up: They actually really liked the idea of chaos (though they hardly show it) so when they find out Leshy was the bishop of chaos instead of being scared or unnerved they’re like “*twirls hair (fur??)* ha ha ha, omg, really~?”

* *slaps the top of The Lamb, Leshy, and probably so many others don’t underestimate me* these bitches can fit so much adhd (+ autism probably) in them

* Probably (geez I use that word a lot huh?) got more hc’s, especially for other characters, but this is already pretty long so I’ll leave it here for now

#cult of the lamb #cotl headcanons #I would tag as narilamb or leshycat but I mean… I didn’t really get into either of them in this lol #my posts #cotl oc #kinda??? I mention my self insert and such #to entice you to ask about them: They’re a blonde long furred cat that has an extra set of arms that are bat arms #wanna know why? ask :3c #please

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bonnietus · 9 months

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I have headcanons for what each Clone High character would be as an animal. Why? Because Im silly AND I can't stop thinking about Beastars or instincts au. 😱 I wanted it to reflect their historical figure because they’d still be clones just like… an animal version.

I might post a different one with side characters/additional ones bla bla bla YEAH. Tell me your thoughts

Abe - Rocky Mountain Elk, it fits him okay? He’s never NOT been a deer-type-thing in my mind but I feel like an elk fits even better. Imagine if his antlers fell off in shed? That’d be so silly. I bet his horns give him a big ego (he definitely counts them in his overall height)

Joan - Red Fox, for her it was between that and a gray wolf. I just like her being a Fox more. I feel like they have a stronger association with being persecuted as well as femininity. Not quite as big as a wolf either. Bonus, clone with red hair. Boom. Her fur could be RED red too.

JFK - German Shepherd. I knew from the GET GO he’d be a dog, but what kind? I danced between a couple of breeds before deciding on a German shepherd. The real JFK owned a few different breeds of dogs (and hamsters and cats etc.) and he had one- so that added to me choosing this breed.

Cleopatra - Egyptian Mau. She is SO cat. I thought of a Sphinx cat briefly but they aren’t really renowned as beautiful and also ARENT from Egypt. They are from Canada. Maybe Ashley Angel from O-Town was a Spinx cat idk. She 100% licks Frida’s head.

Gandhi - Pangolin. I HONESTLY CANT CHOOSE, but I think a Pangolin is my favorite choice. Super-odd animals from India that are unique and AWESOME. It just feels kind of random. I feel like a Chinkara/Indian Gazelle or a Tortoise could work too! But my heart is set on Pangolin Gandhi. I think it’s especially silly.

Frida - Spider Monkey. I was initially thinking goat for her. They aren’t too big, they symbolize creativity, and she’d ROCK having horns. Then I did my research on the real Frida Kahlo to see if any animals represented her already. Knowing monkeys are intelligent and emotional beings it changed my mind pretty fast. Also made me wonder what are some of the thoughts Frida has about her clone mother but that’s for another time-

Harriet - Barred Owl. If you didn’t know these are THE owls by the way, the real “WHOOO” owls. I was stuck on what to choose for her so, research focused- Harriet Tubman used the call of a Barred Owl to signal safety to refugees. I briefly had the idea to choose a crow for their mimicry skills however I feel like that choice could easily be misinterpreted. I am very attached to owl Harriet with BIG puffy feathers.

Confucius - Rabbit. I feel like he is so… bunny. It’s him! They are energetic and witty but can also be described as lazy or superficial. I like it + it makes his dynamic with Harriet interesting as a predator/prey couple. He wouldn't be a domesticated breed either, a full on hare.

Topher - Italian Wolf. POSSUM IS SUCH AN EASY CHOICE, but I don’t think that one guy would be a possum. I was thinking Otter because I thought he was always a nautical guy but he was just some guy in some standard family.. ish... I don’t remember I looked at the wiki a few days ago. Whatever. I want a wolf. He’s that wolf.

(Also I think it’s funny that the main trifecta of Abe ships are all him with canines. It’s silly.)

#clone high #headcanon #clone high jfk #abe lincoln #clone high abe #clone high joan #clone high cleo #clone high frida #clone high harriet tubman #clone high confucius #topher bus #animal au #furry #beastars

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dilf-in-peril · 3 months

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20 Questions for Writers

tagged by: @grand-magnificent thx :3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

163.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

450,140

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Professional wrestling right now, obviously, which for the rest of the questions I pretend is the only thing I write to stay on brand. I also still write the occasional fic for my old fandoms or films you've never heard of, partcipating in exchanges makes you write a lot of random stuff.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Just giving you the ones for Wrestling:

Kayfabe (missing that old man hours, kayfabe breaking cmjf)

Top Guys. In. (cmftr DP)

He Gets Papi (rhea/dom pissfic) - wow that one's got a long tail huh?

Welcome to the BCC (yutamox hole initiation ceremony)

Making Amends (punk asks HHH politely to be allowed back into wwe)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes. I rarely ever have anything to say in response unless it's a question and I feel silly when I say "thank you for noticing what I tried to put down" but I like to let people know I appreciate their comments, because I very much do.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably that CMJF noncon fic which had everyone miserable and worse by the end of it. Also all of the PunkRaven stuff, which never has much of an improvement of the situation in sight.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

idk, I don't write a lot of longfic anyway and I think most of the PWP stuff that's not super messed up ends with people showering together or falling asleep next to each other which is a pretty happy ending as far as sex goes.... oh wait, it's the HHH fic where Punk implicitly returns to WWE for his efforts (I guess here too it is up to the reader whether this is a happy ending or more of a "came back wrong")

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Only once for the underage cmjf fic, and I think it was the same person grand-magnificent mentions ironically. Maybe it helps that the kind of wrestling fans that I can see being haters have been condemned to writing incest fic so they don't have much ground to stand on.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah. All of it. I also actively hate writing it most of the time. I enjoy writing mood, tension, the build and the aftermath but not much of the actual in and out.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Don't think I ever have, no. I never got the appeal of "what if Goku met Superman" and I am clearly not funny enough to pull of something like WWE meets Succession.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah but not Wrestling fandom, it was Dune.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. Actually, if you want to do that, hit me up.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

All-time ship is a bit wild if I've only been writing this fandom for a little over a year but it's PunkJoe. This bad boy can fit so much love. And kink. And H/C.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hey now, mind your words.

16. What are your writing strengths?

People have told me it's physical sensations, descriptions that give a visual image even if you've got a bit of the old aphantasia, and discomfort.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue. Introspection. Writing out feelings. Not using the same words all the fucking time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

idk... don't, unless you speak the language or have a beta that does? I guess now it's easy to just google translate it as a reader but with older literature it always throws me out... am I supposed to just speak latin and french to get what you're having your characters say?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter like almost two decades ago.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I am still very proud of the Smoke and Mirrors PunkRaven fic. I could probably improve it a bit now that I actually have access to the whole feud and learned more about them but it's surprisingly on point just from my gut feelings.

tagging: @doctorworm @glamrocktrash @tache-noire and everyone else I have ever interacted with on ao3 and forgotten about right now

#20 Questions for Writers #questions

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leclerced · 4 months

Note

Okay first I’m so sorry I’m writing so much about kids/pregnancy stuff lately. Idk why I’m in the mood maybe because I had a discussion with my friend about it (it was so funny because we were talking so passionately about it all as if we were ready to have kids right then and there and after like an hour we looked at each other and went “yeah we both have good points and we definitely don’t want kids for the next couple years at least so what do we watch?”)

Second I thought how would the boys make their girl feel better with herself if she was being insecure after giving birth and I just think they’d be so cute. I can see Lando or Oscar or maybe both of them watching some videos and reading books on how to make her feel better and how to understand a woman that just gave birth the best they can and ugh it’s so cute

no need to apologize!! my bestie is so sickeningly in love he talking ab marriage and im like … just fantasizing about race car drivers 🤭 will never be ready to have kids its cute to think ab sometimes but then i think ab a lil demon growing inside and im OUT

they would read so so many books and talk to their moms and any other mom they know, lando’s an uncle so he’d ask his sister what he can do to help. sending her on a spa day to relax, making sure she’s getting sleep at night and enough nourishment. oscar would practically become a chef when shes pregnant, learning recipes she loves and craves all the time and it comes in handy after they have the baby. he'd be looking up what foods are good for breastfeeding mothers and learning recipes for those and stuff like that.

#ask #lifeboredme

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thisurlwasnttakenbutnowitis · 6 months

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Every Epic Rap Battle of History Ranked, Part 2

Part 1

57. Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny

Winner: Easter Bunny

Best line: "The Great Wall couldn't keep you out of China. Watch me rub my foot for luck and stick it right up your vagina!"

Okay, okay, this is probably higher than it has any right to be, but damn it, I just love this pairing. You have a historical warlord famous for his brutality battling with a peaceful holiday icon for kids and I think the contrast is hilarious. It's nothing spectacular, but this has to be my favorite of season 1's "two completely random characters with no relation" battles.

56. Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder

Winner: Wonder Woman

Best line: "My rhymes are signed, sealed, and delivered on time. You're a bald has-been, I'm in my Amazon Prime!"

While I was always aware of Stevie Wonder's music, this battle actually made me look into it and appreciate it more. I love the touch of how Stevie's music style in this is a mix of his own as well as that of his actor, T-Pain. Also the quote above might just be one of my favorite lines in ERB history - I LOVE when a line can manage to mix in wordplay that relates to both rappers. Mwah, chef's kiss.

55. Master Chief vs Leonidas

Winner: Master Chief

Best line: "300 asses need a kickin'. Give more teebags than Lipton."

We're in the section of the list of good battles with nothing to really complain about, but also with nothing spectacular so there's not really much to say. I'm not a Halo guy so some of the references went over my head - I didn't get "You're the solider they need you to be" until looking it up just now, and yeah, that's a pretty funny line that I didn't appreciate when I was younger. It was also a good call to have Lloyd still be the voice of Leonidas but cast an actual muscular man to be the body actor; we definitely didn't need another Hulk Hogan muscle suit situation.

54. Goku vs Superman

Winner: Goku

Best line: "There's only one way that this battle's gonna end: One more Superman who's never gonna walk again."

Ray William Johnson was a great casting choice for Goku; he brings a lively and memorable performance to the show. Although I didn't think Goku was quite so angry? Idk, I'm also not a Dragon Ball guy (forgive me for being such an uncultured swine and not knowing a lot of these series). Lloyd's Superman is pretty basic by comparison; it gets the job done, but it's like Sinatra vs Mercury where it gets overshadowed hard by the other performer.

53. Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney

Winner: Mitt Romney

Best line: "Republicans need a puppet and you fit. Got their hand so far up your rear, call you Mitt."

Man, remember when we thought Mitt Romney was the worst the Republican party could throw at us? Simpler times, man. Simpler times. This battle is the most-viewed in ERB history, which I think is kinda weird since I feel like people were way more into the 2016 and 2020 elections overall. But this was also the first election battle, and when ERB was still a relatively new series, so maybe it was the novelty of it at the time. Or maybe because Obama and Romney were both more well-liked than Trump, Clinton, and Biden. I dunno, I'm getting off-track here.

I thought for years that this battle was pretty well-balanced in terms of not showing favoritism to one side, though I thought Romney's line "I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts" was a pretty biased writing choice. But it turns out that that's almost a direct quote from Romney himself, so uhh. I also love how both opponents break down into slinging childish insults at each other by the end, it really goes to show that it's not glorifying either candidate. And that's proven true by the iconic scene of Abe Lincoln coming down and bitchslapping them both. Classic.

The real Obama is known to have seen this battle too and apparently liked it given that he invited Peter and the actor who played Obama here to the White House, so that's neat.

52. John Wick vs John Rambo vs John McClane

Winner: John McClane

Best line: "And lighten up, Wick, with your brooding saga. How 'bout a little hakuna matata, Baba Yaga?"

This is the first and so far only battle that's a three-way fight from the start, so that really ensures that all three characters are given ample time to all diss each other. I like it! The highlight here is definitely Lloyd's McClane, he's a delight to watch, and he perfectly captures how McClane is the lighthearted everyman of the group. Zach's John Wick is no slouch either, capturing the cool seriousness of the character. Where this battle falls flat though, and the only reason it's not in A, is Peter's Rambo. It's trying to be funny and it's just… not really funny. It's the kind of Sylvester Stallone impression that would get a chuckle out of you if your high school friend did it in the halls, but it just feels out of place in a professional production like this.

I love the subtle ways the backing track changes between characters too, with McClane getting some sleigh bells added in for his part, Wick getting a deep synth noise, and Rambo getting some somber strings. Really nice stuff.

51. Artists vs TMNT

Winner: TMNT

Best line: "Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude, 'Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do."

My only complaint about this battle is that it's just too damn short. This would be a pretty short battle even by 1-on-1 standards, but when you have 8 separate characters, each one barely gets anything to say. But what's here is great. Rhett and Link and Smosh is a good pairing that gives a lot of energy to the artists, and the turtle suit that the team managed to make for the TMNT is great. When the only negative I can think of for a battle is that I wish there was more of it, you know it's a good battle.

A TIER

50. George Carlin vs Richard Pryor

Winner: Joan Rivers

Best line: "Now there's seven words you can't say on a TV set. But this is the pissin' fuckin' cuntin' internet!"

I'm realizing now how much work this entire thing is given how much I've written so far and we're only just now cracking the top 50. Still not even halfway there, damn. But anyway, this is a great tribute to a whole bunch of legendary comedians. It's a whole lot of fun to watch, and every performer captures the larger-than-life personalities on display. Lloyd's Robin Williams is a particular highlight. The only downside is Bill Cosby's part, it's not really funny and kinda just kills the pace. But it's thankfully short so it's not enough to ruin it.

49. Mario Bros vs Wright Bros

Winner: Wright Bros

Best line: "You might fly like a hawk, but you fight like a kitty!"

This was the first guest appearance of Rhett and Link and also the first 2-on-2 battle, and I think it does a really good job. Mario and Luigi are played absolutely nothing like their actual characters, but it's so far off that it's honestly hilarious.

48. David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini

Winner: David Copperfield

Best line: "My grand illusions make your parlor tricks irrelevant. The foot of Lady Liberty is stomping on your elephant."

Now THIS is a magician vs magician battle that actually lives up to the idea visually, eat your heart out, Gandalf vs Dumbledore. While Houdini is definitely the more interesting person to watch in this battle with all of the stunts he performs while rapping, I can't help but like Peter's silky smooth Copperfield voice, it's gotta be one of my favorite voices he's done.

47. Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers

Winner: Eastern Philosophers

Best line: "You tried to plant a new German psyche, but you just grew hate, me no Third Reichy!"

This is a very smartly-written battle, as it should be given the subject matter. Every philosopher gets a chance to sum up what they're all about, and the contrasts work perfectly - Lao Tzu's philosophy of letting life take you through its natural course vs Nietzsche saying you need to take control and fight for the life you want, and Confucius's teaching of respecting authority vs Voltaire's challenging of authority. …Socrates vs Sun Tzu doesn't really have a direct contrast like that, but hey, that's okay. You can tell a lot of research went into this one, and it's really worth looking into the meanings of the lyrics because some of it will definitely go over your head if you're not super into philosophy.

46. Blackbeard vs Al Capone

Winner: Al Capone

Best line: "You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine, if you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes."

Both Peter and Lloyd were clearly having fun with this one, they're both in their element when they're playing characters with big personalities and fun voices to imitate. The lyrics are great and dense too; this was the first battle of season 3 besides Vader vs Hitler 3, and I think season 3 is really when the series started hitting its stride with rappers' verses becoming longer and more packed with deeper meanings.

I only have two minor criticisms with this battle - first, Blackbeard's beard looks way too nice and clean, and it's especially apparent when Capone has a line about how dirty it is. Second, this video was sponsored by Assassin's Creed IV, which is all well and good, but forcing in a line about Edward Kenway and having him physically appear in the background really destroys my suspension of disbelief and dates the video hardcore. But neither of these things are enough to ruin an otherwise very good battle.

45. Rick Grimes vs Walter White

Winner: Walter White

Best line: "Ask Gus, you don't wanna face off against me."

Okay, so, confession time: I have not watched either of the shows that are represented in this battle (Breaking Bad is on my to-watch list though). And oops, this vid's got a lot of spoilers for both series. Ah well. Despite not knowing a whole lot about either universe, I still think this battle is a lot of fun to watch. I particularly love the detail of a zombie crossing into Walt's side and getting distracted by meth - touches like that to tie the worlds of the two rappers together are always a treat.

44. Darth Vader vs Hitler

Winner: Hitler

Best line: "You stink, Vader. Your style smells something sour. You need to wash up, dog. Here, step in my shower."

Here we go. While Lennon vs O'Reilly might have come first, I think we can all agree that this is the real start of ERB. This is what made the series into a viral sensation and it's not hard to see why. The novelty of seeing a historical figure battle his fictional equivalent in a rap battle of all things was something unseen up until that point, and it helps that the lyrics were incredibly clever to boot - in addition to the iconic quote above, who could forget "So many dudes been with your mom, who even knows if I'm your father". I'm sure Disney would like everyone to forget that the Stormtroopers were named after Hitler's troops, but this battle stands as an eternal reminder of that fact.

43. Mr. T vs Mr. Rogers

Winner: Mr. Rogers

Best line: "I'll say this once, Laurence. I hope it's understood: Get right back in your van and get the fuck out of my neighborhood."

Peter's acting here is pretty similar to how he portrayed Bob Ross, but his portrayal of Mr. Rogers easily wins in my mind for how much more savage the insults are. Even though Rogers definitely steals the show here, Mr. T also manages to be very entertaining. It's hilarious how he's screaming at Rogers the whole time while Rogers consistently keeps his cool while hurling passive-aggressive lines.

Also, whew! We're officially halfway done with this list!

42. Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin

Winner: Steve Irwin

Best line: "I'm a wild man, you're a subdued sub dude. The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!"

This battle's an interesting role reversal - usually it's Lloyd portraying the grumpy character and Peter portraying the lively one. But it goes to show that the two of them have the acting chops to go either way. Especially Lloyd, he's really entertaining when he can let his silliness out. I love how in the part where Steve is pointing to Jacques and talking about him like he's a wild animal, you can tell Peter is holding in laughter.

41. Tony Hawk vs Wayne Gretzky

Winner: Wayne Gretzky

Best line: "You and I have so many world records between us. 184, that's plenty of 'em… and I set 183 of 'em!"

This is a very slept-on battle, being the lowest-viewed of any of the pre-hiatus battles (though 18 million views still certainly ain't bad). I still remember my first time watching this battle as someone who didn't really know anything about Wayne Gretzky aside from "he was a hockey player", my jaw fucking dropped at that world records line. Absolutely killer setup and execution.

40. Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter

Winner: Hannibal Lecter

Best line: "I don't mind that you're naughty, Jack. I hate that you're sloppy."

I can't imagine that this one was particularly easy to write for given the very little we know about Jack the Ripper. I was gonna say, "Oh this battle was made before we knew his true identity", but apparently it's still not really agreed upon who he really was and the mystery gets "solved" again and again every few years. Anyway, Lloyd is great as Hannibal, his faces and mannerisms are perfect, and Dan Bull provides an interesting interpretation of the type of person Jack may have been. I love that Jack spends his entire first verse purely hyping himself up and Hannibal calls him out on being a narcissist, it's something that kinda shocks you as a viewer cause it's something you probably don't even notice on the first viewing, and you're also not expecting the video itself to point it out. It really sells the "Hannibal is one step ahead" kind of vibe.

39. Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula

Winner: Vlad the Impaler

Best line: "Imagine forests of corpses dripping on a buffet. You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday."

Vlad the Impaler is probably the single most cold, brutal character ERB has ever had, and Lloyd gets some truly bone-chilling line deliveries in as him. Peter's Dracula is great too, the whole thing of a killer with class being disgusted by a killer who's just trying to be vicious actually makes it quite similar to Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal now that I think about it.

38. Babe Ruth vs Lance Armstrong

Winner: Babe Ruth

Best line: "So c'mon, little buddy, don't look so pissed. With all that blood and attitude, you're like a menstrual cyclist."

Like Hawk vs Gretzky, this is another athlete vs athlete video, and you'd expect the odds to immediately be stacked against Armstrong by virtue of the fact that you have a known cheater going up against an athlete with integrity. But Armstrong actually manages to put up a damn good rebuttal, taking shots at Ruth's personal life instead. I still think Ruth won, but both rappers actually manage to knock it out of the park, pun entirely intended.

Also unrelated to the battle itself but I've always thought the face Lloyd makes in the thumbnail of this one makes him look like James Rolfe.

37. James Bond vs Austin Powers

Winner: James Bond (modern)

Best line: "After 24 films, I'm still reaching new heights. Your third movie died, guess you only live twice."

I've always kinda wondered why Peter was cast as Austin Powers in this, I think Lloyd looks a lot more like Mike Myers. I guess they didn't want to have a battle where Peter is completely excluded while Lloyd gets to play two characters. That being said, Peter does nail the Austin Powers impression, so it's all good. This battle's a really cool concept, a character rapping against their own parody version, and then an earlier version of the character comes in and disses on their modern version. The battle does basically cease to be about Austin Powers at that point, but I think it works because neither version of Bond considers him a serious opponent.

This battle is loaded with great lines too - in addition to the quote above, we also have "I'm licensed to kill, you couldn't get a learner's permit", "Spell my name, all the ladies wanna B on D, any sex appeal you might have is beyond me", "I only need one round, golden gun", and "I don't need a Q to break your balls". Brilliantly clever writing.

I will say that the background effects for modern Bond, while they definitely do look cool, are a bit too much to the point of being distracting. Maybe it was a deliberate choice to contrast with classic Bond though, as a way to convey that the modern Bond films are a lot more about flashy spectacle than the more grounded stories the early films had, I dunno.

36. Mozart vs Skrillex

Winner: Skrillex

Best line: "I attack, you decay, can't sustain my releases! Sidechain, Wolfgang! Bangarang you to pieces!"

This battle is everything that Bieber vs Beethoven should have been - a battle between a modern musician and a classical one that actually gives the modern one a fighting chance. Plus it actually changes the background music to match the style of whoever's rapping! This battle is great, no real notes here. Mozart's line about "in two more months the world will forget about your Skrill-excrement" has aged pretty well too given how Skrillex's star has definitely faded since this video's release.

This battle is also notable for being the only one where a real person that was portrayed in an ERB has actually performed it themselves! Skrillex, obviously, not Mozart. The real Skrillex actually came out as a surprise guest appearance in a live performance of the song and helped Lloyd finish it out. I admit, I didn't really know what Skrillex actually looked like, but seeing him side-by-side with Lloyd in costume, yeah, the team nailed his look.

35. Ragnar Lodbrok vs Richard the Lionheart

Winner: Ragnar Lodbrok

Best line: "Your son killed your ex, your ex killed your wife. I'm the Lion King, man, but that's a messed-up circle of life."

This is what I love about ERB, man. I had never even heard of either of these historical figures before this battle, but I watched it, loved the song, got curious what all the lyrics meant, did research on both men, and then went back and rewatched the video with the new knowledge to catch all the references. ERB is truly at its best when it's making learning fun.

Interestingly, the reason this battle was even made in the first place was because the mobile game that sponsored it reached out to Peter and Lloyd and asked if they would make a battle between two of the historical figures in their game in exchange for the sponsorship. Given that the battle was effectively made as an ad for a mobile game, it's shocking how good it turned out. You'd really never know that's how it came to be just looking at the end product.

34. Darth Vader vs Hitler 2

Winner: Darth Vader

Best line: "Roar like Chewbacca, the voice of Mufasa, I'm on the leader of your limp-dicked Luftwaffe!"

And here we go, the second of the Vader vs Hitler trilogy is easily the best one. I feel like it struck the perfect balance - it was bigger and more epic than the first while not feeling fatigued on the idea like the third. Season 2 kicked off with this and you could immediately tell the jump in production quality from season 1. This video had an intro and everything, continuing off from Hitler being frozen in carbonite from the first battle. It's great, what else can I say?

33. Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe

Winner: Marilyn Monroe

Best line: "You still got no children after your third marriage. You lost so many babies, we should call you Miss Carriage!"

This was the first battle where neither Peter nor Lloyd play one of the rappers, even though it is not the first female-on-female battle (but we don't talk about Gaga vs Palin). But both performers do a stellar job; I love how Marilyn's demeanor goes from the giggling flirtiness we know her for to becoming increasingly pissed off and hysterical as Cleopatra hurls more and more insults at her (Marilyn's "Translate this into hieroglyphs: Your sandy vagina has a seven-year itch" would have won best line were it not for the sheer brutality of the Miss Carriage line). And getting a professional dancer to portray Cleopatra was a great choice; she's still one of the most visually interesting rappers to have ever been on the series. And no, I don't just mean that in an ogling way.

Also, I think this is the only battle where the same person starts it and closes it out? Which does lead to Cleopatra feeling like she doesn't get as much screen time, but it's certainly not a dealbreaker.

32. Moses vs Santa Claus

Winner: Moses

Best line: "It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass. You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass."

This battle was definitely meant to be a stand-in for Jesus vs Santa; that was the matchup we all really wanted to see. But someone somewhere must have gotten cold feet about dissing a figure that millions worship, so Jesus got swapped out for someone Jesus-adjacent. Hey, I'm a Christian, and I know I still would have found a Jesus rap battle hilarious.

But whatever, even though it's not exactly what we wanted, what we did get was still great. The fact that they actually managed to get motherfucking Snoop Dogg as a guest star because he happened to be using the same studio as ERB at the time still blows my mind; I don't think any guest star is ever gonna top that. And they certainly had some fun with having him on board - I love that they managed to make jokes referencing him while still being appropriate for Moses, like "smoking all that burning bush", or "so much drama in the IsraeL B.C.". This is a battle that just always puts a smile on my face.

31. Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison

Winner: Nikola Tesla

Best line: "I don't alternate my flow, I diss you directly!"

I love how this battle really leans into how we now perceive Tesla and Edison, with Tesla being a hero for the people and Edison as the greedy villain who kept him down. Good stuff. Don't really have a whole lot to say about this one, it's just a good battle with two very memorable personalities, and Peter's Tesla voice is very pleasant to listen to. And of course, the electric synth in the background track was a must.

30. JRR Tolkien vs George RR Martin

Winner: George RR Martin

Best line: "All your bad guys die and your good guys survive. We can tell what's gonna happen by page and age five!"

All right, so, I ain't the most well-versed in the fantasy genre, but I still really like this one. The underlying argument between the two men here is something I've seen time and time again on the internet - "happy endings are boring and predictable" versus "eschewing happy endings just for the sake of it isn't automatically good". It makes for good battle fodder. Also I just love Lloyd's performance here - it's so loud and boisterous, and his "No he didn't!" is A+.

Okay folks, click here for the third and final part as we rank the best of the best!

#epic rap battles of history #erb

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tonberry-yoda · 1 year

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Hii first of all i hope youre doing great! Make sure to drink water‼️

So i saw that your requests r open but idk if u can do matchups so feel free to ignore this if u dont

But if u do, i was wondering if u could do a jjba matchup from parts 2-7 (any gender idm)

Some info ab me:

Im agender but i use any pronouns, im aroace (! Aroace ppl can still feel romantic feelings js limited, just letting u know bc ppl get confused🥲!)

Id like the matchup to be romantic and some characters i wouldnt rlly like u to include r stroheim, kira, pucci and funny valentine

Okay lets get to the main stuff

My personality is pretty confusing even for me tbh

I can be very serious at times but i can also be very js energetic and yk goofy ig? My energy gets drained quickly after that tho so yeaah

I get told pretty frequently that im harsh but im just honest🤷‍♀️

I prefer saying whats objective and truthful rather than sugarcoating stuff

I can be very supportive tho dont tske this the wrong way

Im an ambivert and idk if yk mbti but since it might help im an Intj e3

Also im a night owl so yeah i love staying up and stargazing from my window💁🏻‍♀️

As for how i act in daily life well, i always try my best to get everything that im assigned done and most of the time i do. I strive for perfection and success in whatever i do and i am very ambitious🏃🏻

At times tho i feel like i need breaks so once in a while i like to just stop and relax, to do absolutely nothing

I like to read books every now and then but i dont have a good attention span and i zone out A LOOOTT

Not just while reading, if im doing anything at all ill just zone out eventually

I really enjoy being in my head with my own thoughts its like my safe space even if its not safe ykwim

Im just a very brain-ish person yk i like thinking i spend hours in my head its like my comfort place

I also like being productive it makes me feel alive

Like doing stuff

Im also a result/success oriented person so yeah

Also other than reading im also into make up and i like to listen to music if u consider that a hobby

I have a very mixed music taste but my friends say its good

I really like lana del rey and indie music but I also love rock and grunge like ac/dc, nirvana, pearl jam etc.

I also listen to stray kids sometimes their music is cool (kpop) but i also listen to j-pop and classical music (ascends me to heaven fr)

I also listen to 90s hiphop. Yeah.

Thats a lot of stuff I KNOW but i told u its a mix

As in fashion i dress either very y2k-ish or like my friends always tell me i look like those 2 girls from mean girls (my clothes)

I like to dress coquette-like though too!

Id also like to be a gothic lolita but i cant so thats sad

I also have brown hair and brown eyes and im average heigthed

My friends say i have the best style so yeah

I dont really have a type but i do have a preference for either people who are like me bcz yk they get me

But i also like funny people like very energetic funny people

We can be like sun moon dynamic idk😭

I like every love language ngl

I have a slight preference for gift giving though

I mean thats the one i use so

The fic is up to u idm what it is

Tysm for ur time, ik that was a lot, feel free to ignore if u dont feel like it have a nice day/night <3

notes: omg hi!! I am finally doing your matchup <3 I feel like it has been in here forever omg. but i am so glad im getting to it today!! i literally have the PERFECT character for you tee hee so let's jump in <3

the character I chose for you is...

GYRO ZEPELLI!!!

you and him have a very similar personality. you can both have a serious front, but goof off with each other, which is the most fun

it makes you a super successful couple too because you both know when it's joking time or not

though you will find him making stupid jokes more often than not

he likes that your harsh/honest

it just really shows that you know who you are and you cant take certain stuff

it just means your strong-willed and that's what he loves about you

there is nothing wrong with being harsh and he tells you that all the time

you and him are very supportive to each other and it really helps the relationship grow

i feel like gyro is honestly a morning person, so you wont find him staying up with you late that often

so while he sleeps next to you pet his hair

but he will 100% stargaze with you while you talk about life and cuddle

you get shit done and that's what he loves about you

and when you two are together, you're literally unstoppable tbh

as ambitious as this man is, he is also lazy, so he will ask you to just sit and cuddle him so you can take a break

and who are you to deny gyro??? i would cuddle in those arms any day

doing absolutely nothing sounds amazing to him, so please stay wrapped in his arms

just know he will fall asleep

since you love reading, but zone out a bit, this man will read to you

he loves to read to you

even if you zone out, he will catch you up

he overall just enjoys reading out loud a lot, so you're going to hear a lot of it

while you're just thinking, he'll be right beside you

you are your own comfort space, but you begin to feel that he is becoming your new one

he is also a mixed music dude, so yall listen to whatever

HE LOVES THE WAY YOU DRESS OMG

literally force him to dress up to and you will be walking ICONS

do his makeup

LITERALLY

he loves when you make him all pretty

he'll braid you hair if you braid his

he is super energetic and funny, so you have the literal perfect man for you

and he will provide every love language, just expect a lot of words of affirmation from him and way too many cuddles

and if you give him gifts, he gets all flustered and blushy

and then he'll get you gifts too :)

and now for your fic :)

You stayed up on the edge of your shared bed with Gyro and watched the stars from your window. You lived in a nice enough area to see all the stars and you were very thankful for that. You couldn't go to sleep, so you decided to open the window and get a breath of fresh air along with your view. Your boyfriend slept quietly next to you, his arms hugged around his own lanky body. You watched his breaths for a moment. In. Out. In. Out. You smiled and ran your fingers through his long sandy blonde hair before looking right back to the window. "Darlin?" You heard from Gyro, making you jump. "What's up?" You asked, seeing his long arms stretch in front of him as he sat up. "Can't sleep?" He asked, avoiding your question. "No, not really. Just wanted to do some stargazing." "Come here," he said, patting his chest. You gladly laid your head on your chest, having an even better view of the stars as he petted the top of your head until he fell back asleep.

~~~~~

matchup rules | pinned post @tonberry-yoda

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