poetryformyselfandyou

[poetryformyselfandyou]

Stuck

In these four walls I sit

Thinking of what has come and gone

Feeling as though lost in a pit

Feeling as weak as a fawn

I think and debate

And consider and wonder

Why it is I’m so full of hate

And found it’s because I’ve been torn asunder

Broken cracked hurt

Stuck in one place

Feeling like nothing more than dirt

Confused as to how I got trapped in one space

I am here

And they are there

But no matter where

I still want to destroy all in the mirror

Stressed angry mad

Is what I always feel

But even though I’m often sad

I know for sure that none of this is real

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[poetryformyselfandyou]

I hear a knock. I hear a voice. I hear a whistle from my phone.

Too much for one moment.

I think therefore I am.

What about what I hear?

What is solitude if it is not alone?

It is no longer solitude.

It is loneliness.

A reminder that others exist.

Other consciousness is out there.

Nowadays it’s hard to believe.

Those are people,

Or at least a mind.

An olive branch of interaction.

The noise goes away.

No more knocking.

No more talking.

No more dings and electric tones.

Solitude again.

Solace again.

Quiet.

[poetryformyselfandyou]

They/Them

They don’t make me whole

But they make me forget about what’s missing

They make me feel

Free

Perfect

Loved

Even on the days we’re apart

They make me happy

Even when I’m not

And they make me a better me

Even if they don’t realize it

I love them so much

And I always will

Because they help me be

Strong

Independent

Me

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[poetryformyselfandyou]

I watch cars go by

None of them belong to you

Still I’ll keep looking

[poetryformyselfandyou]

Gay haikus

She stood there standing

Still aghast at her beauty

She walked over there

Standing in the sun

She had looked like a goddess

She made her heart pump

Love is always there

Even when it hurts sometimes

Being queer is hard

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[poetryformyselfandyou]

Why did you try to teach me to be soft instead of preparing my heart for battle?

Your gentle touch was always looming but never coming. Because all the softness i seen in you was make believe. Your touch bringing warmth was a fairy tale. Acid only burns me.

And now iv grown spikes where clouds could have rested.

You have scales, and talons. I reach for your hand unaware it is just a claw wrapped in pretty words.

This will be the last time i bleed for you.

Your eyes mock me, looks that linger hide lies not love.

And even the lust seemed faked. The depth of human emotion requires a soul. I'm sorry you have misplaced yours. I hope it isn't forever lost.

Mine is still yellow and pink and wrapped in sunshine and laughter, my goodness can still spill out, you thought you took it all but you didn't know it was endless.

And my ability to love is too, you will not end me.

Your skin is painted in shades of self inflicted misery. No one would want a home with no windows, or doors. No one can breath with lead lungs. I miss my flesh ones, can i have them back soon?

And although i have found myself ripping up my own floorboards, at least my foundations are solid. I can heal and i can be a home again for someone.

You are condemned, not fit for inhabitants. Your walls will never be able to deliver on promises of security and even your water runs foul.

[poetryformyselfandyou]

In Public

I hold your hand

And I feel safe

that is

only untill a car passes by

I hug you

And I feel safe

but only when at home

I kiss you

And I feel safe

And happy

And amazing

but only in my room

You are My safe place

My love

My sanctuary

and yet I am scared to be close

Because

People die for love like ours

The world is full of

Hate

And

Fear

So yes

I Love You

but only when we’re alone

#gay fear #gay #homosexual #poem #poetry #gay poem #visual poem #visual poetry #fear #homophobia #write #writing #poet #poetry activism #creative writing #writeblr #poetry blog #writing blog #trying out something new #sorry i just hate homophobia and am scared of #hate crime #author #writer #love #spilled ink #spilled poetry #thought #thoughts #okay to reblog #original writing

[poetryformyselfandyou]

Alone

Sitting in a room is all one can do sometimes

Knowing about other possibilities doesn’t matter

Staying still alone with your thoughts is what you do even though it is dangerous

She understands this

She understands that is not good

She understands it’s not okay to stay inside all day and look out the window staring at cars passing by

She understands that it hurts your body to lady in that one position for so long

But she wants to anyway

But she dosent

Even though nothing is all she wants to do

She gets up

She pretend that everything’s okay

And that she’s happy

She gets dressed everyday and eats even when she doesn’t want to

She tries her best to be like everyone else even though she knows she’s not like the others

She goes on

And she fights to be better

And one day

Because she pretends to be okay

Maybe she will be

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[poetryformyselfandyou]

Heteronormativity

Walking through the courtyard, the chilled wind interrupting her breath, she recognized the lengthy man she once knew years ago. His sandy blonde hair, which he always kept tight to his head, and small build is something she would never be able to forget. It was junior high, or maybe even before that, that she first laid her eyes on him. He reminds her of a more simple, yet naive, time. A time when the default was all that was available. The cold reminds her of the purpose, to get to the other side of the campus with as much haste as possible. As she continues her journey, both to the biggest building in the university and to her past, she thinks about how things are and how things could’ve been. If only she took the easy way out and suppressed the queer feelings that began to rise in her tenth year of school. Maybe she would’ve been able to fall madly in love with this ordinary man, do ordinary things with him, and be an ordinary couple. But instead, regretfully at first, she fell in love with a woman, an absolutely not ordinary woman. She begins her escapade across the street, it is often dangerous because of the horse and buggies that frequent the crosswalk, and decides that today will be a good day, because, although unable to live a heteronormative life, she is free.

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[poetryformyselfandyou]

Anger

Trigger Warning (sexual abuse)

I’m angry

Not because I have to be

But because no one told me I should be

When you’re young you don’t understand

You don’t get what’s right or wrong

You don’t know that somethings not good

You don’t understand that when your grandfather pulls you into bed

You should start to scream and tell everyone that he touched you

Instead you think that that’s just what’s normal

That’s just what family does

I’m angry because I didn’t know

I didn’t know what was happening but I knew it made him happy

And your supposed to make family feel happy

Im angry I didn’t say no

I’m angry because I went back for more

Because it wasn’t a one time thing

And that I didn’t know it was wrong until I watched a documentary

I’m angry that I don’t know if I was the only one

If my cousins or sister experienced this too

Because even when I told my parents they pretended it was a dream

Because it’s easier to push away your kid then to push away your father

I’m angry because I had to hug him goodbye

At every holiday meal and birthday dinner

I’m angry that I cried when he died in the hospital

And that I still shed tears when I think about my history

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