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#“yep if anyone is gonna fucking lose it it's gonna be her”
purplesaline · 3 months
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Back in 1999-2002 I was in the Canadian Armed Forces. Shortly after 9/11 I was doing security at the airport for all the equipment we were sending over to Afghanistan with our troops (ammunition, weapons, tanks, etc). I was the only woman on the security roster at the time.
Now, I was friendly with the military police running the job because when you're friends with the military police they do nice things for you like not believing the bitch of a Padre (yes women Padres exist) when she tried to throw you under the metaphorical bus after you accidentally drive her into a literal HLVW (think military version of a semi truck)
So anyway, I was friendly with these dudes and one day they decided to play a prank on their sergeant back at base (who I was also friendly with). When he called for the daily update he was told that one of the troops had lost it and started shooting at everything. Just complete chaos and they still hadn't tracked down all the expended rounds (aka bullets).
Apparently, so I learned afterward when I was told the story by the guy who'd called it in, the sergeants very first reaction was to say "Oh my god is she okay?"
...
I'd like to reiterate I was the only woman on the roster at the time.
The sergeant wasn't a misogynist. His response had nothing to do with me being a woman. He was just convinced that out of all of the soldiers on the roster I was the most likely to go off the deep end.
And the real kick in the teeth is I couldn't even argue that assumption.
Anyway that was more than 20 years ago and now people keep saying that I'm a zen master and it's absolutely possible to become a new person
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roosterforme · 9 months
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The Younger Kind Part 24 | Rooster x Reader
Summary: When you and Bradley put some pieces of the puzzle together, you realize it was a blessing in disguise that you ran into Meredith. But in the early hours of Wednesday morning, Bradley is hanging on by a thread. How could anyone try to take Noah away from him?
Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, and age gap (18+)
Length: 4000 words
Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader
Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.
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Bradley strolled out of work with Nat hot on his heels. "She's picking you up?" she asked, clearly surprised by the turn of events over the past few days. When Bradley saw you leaning against the Bronco in the parking lot, Nat gasped. "You let her drive your Bronco?"
"Yeah, I trust her," he replied, taking off at a faster pace to get to you. The expression on your face had him a little worried, and you looked tired, but he was so happy to see you. Because he'd been anxious all day.
"Hi, Natasha," you called out, waving past Bradley as he scooped you up in a hug. "And hi, Daddy," you whispered, next to his ear as he held you.
"Hi, Baby," he sighed, kissing your glossy lips. "I missed you. Did you have a good day?"
You sucked in a deep breath, but then Nat was there, and the two of you were chatting. But your face was pinched and agitated instead of smooth and perfect, and you were playing with your hands nervously. Bradley let you talk to Nat for a few more minutes, and then he softly kissed the top of your head. 
"Don't want to be late to pick Noah up," he told you, and then he gave Nat a hug and took the keys when you held them up for him. "You gonna tell me what's wrong?" he asked as he put the Bronco in gear.
"Why do you think something's wrong?" you asked casually, reaching for his hand. 
"I can tell something's bothering you, Princess. But I'm assuming since you just grabbed my hand that you're not upset with me.
There was a brief pause before you said, "I saw Meredith when I went grocery shopping this morning."
Bradley nearly swerved off the road. "This morning? You saw her this morning, and you're just telling me about it now?" he glanced your way briefly. What happened? Did you get hurt?"
"I'm fine, Bradley." You squeezed his hand and pulled it to your lips, pressing a soft kiss to his thumb. "I'm perfectly fine."
"I swear, she's trying to ruin my life," he growled. "Won't leave me alone. Thinks it's okay to go after you. I'm afraid I'm going to fucking lose it in the courtroom when I see her tomorrow."
"Bradley, let's just go home and have a nice dinner, and then we can talk about it in a few hours after Noah is in bed, okay? You need to stay calm."
But that proved impossible. Bradley watched you with his son, just as patient as ever. You alternated between making dinner and coloring with him while Bradley silently panicked. He had no idea how he could give this up. Even looking at Noah right now was painful for him. And when Noah asked him to get all three of the paper crowns, Bradley actually started crying.
"Sure, bub. Come help me find yours." Noah took Bradley by the hand and led him down the hallway to his bedroom. 
"It's in here, Daddy," he said, reaching for the yellow crown on his dresser and putting it on his own head before giving the bigger green one to Bradley. "Let's get the purple one for Princess." 
Noah climbed up on Bradley's bed, but he still couldn't reach it. Bradley pulled it down and handed it to his son. "Why don't you give it to her, but only if she's not trying to cook dinner, okay?" It was hard to speak with the lump in his throat as Bradley carried his son back into the kitchen. He had his nose buried in Noah's soft hair, inhaling his scent and holding back tears. "I love you," he whispered as Noah handed you the purple crown.
"Oh, are we all matching tonight?" you asked with a soft laugh. But your smile didn't quite reach your eyes as you looked at Bradley. 
"Yep!" Noah said as you slipped your crown onto your head. 
And then dinner was mostly silent. And if you thought it was strange that Bradley held Noah on his lap the entire time, you didn't say anything. The night was going too quickly. Bradley had spent weeks trying not to think about this day, but now here it was, and it was worse than he could have ever imagined. He could barely stomach the food you made even though it was perfect. 
"It's going to be okay," you whispered across the table. 
"How do you know that?" he asked in response. "How do you know this isn't the last night I get to do this?" Bradley kissed Noah's cheek and took a deep breath to calm his nerves.
You stayed silent after that, only whispering something sweet to Noah before you said goodnight to him. Then you let Bradley have some privacy to give Noah a bath and get him dressed for bed. He read seven books to Noah, and he was already asleep by the end of the last one. But he stayed on his knees next to the bed, brushing Noah's curls softly back from his forehead and kissing him a million times.
"I love you," he said, tears filling his eyes as he wandered back out into the hallway. You were cleaning up the kitchen, but when he found himself in the doorway, you gathered him into your arms.
"It's hitting you hard, I can tell," you told him, and Bradley didn't care if you saw him crying.
"I just feel like... all of this shit is beyond my control. I can only do my best. But that's still not good enough to ensure I get to raise my son, which is completely fucked up."
You guided him to one of the chairs and then climbed onto his lap. Your voice was so soft, Bradley could barely hear you. "I just don't see how anyone could take him away from you."
"Do you have any idea how often judges side with mothers over fathers? It's so unsettling, I don't even want to think about it right now."
You tightened your grip on him. "Then let's think about something else."
"I still can't believe Meredith was at the grocery store this morning," he groaned, rubbing his face.
You were quiet for a few minutes, and then you looked at him with your pretty face scrunched in frustration. "She said the strangest things to me."
Bradley was on high alert now. "What? What did she say?"
"Well, she made a comment about how your car is worth a lot of money."
"It's a Bronco, Princess. Not a car." He realized this was the first time he'd really smiled in hours, and it felt good. 
"Yes, I'm so sorry. She mentioned that your Bronco was worth a lot, and she said she was surprised you let me drive it."
He rolled his eyes. "Just because I never let her touch it doesn't mean you can't. She used to wreck up her little sports cars annually and then buy a new one. Doesn't appreciate the classics like you do." Bradley kissed your shoulder and listened to you sigh. "But I guess it's kind of odd that she said that to you. And honestly, I have no idea how much the Bronco is worth. Maybe like sixty thousand? I try to keep her running nice."
You scoffed at him, and then Bradley could practically see the wheels turning in your head. "I looked it up against your VIN number. In pristine condition, your Bronco is worth almost one hundred and fifty thousand dollars."
"It is?" he asked, completely shocked.
"It is," you confirmed. "You didn't know that?"
"No," he said, shaking his head.
"Meredith also mentioned some life insurance money?" you said a little reluctantly. "In an account for Noah?" He watched your eyes go wide as you quickly added, "I'm not trying to pry, and we don't need to talk about it-"
"From my mom," he replied, kissing you softly to let you know it was okay to talk about it. "I have my mom's huge life insurance payout. I never touched a cent, because it was too depressing. After Noah was born, I decided to save it for him. He can use it for college or for a house or.... I don't know, he can sail a fucking yacht around the world with it or something. But it's for him."
You gasped and said, "Bradley, I think Meredith just wants your money."
-------------------------
You watched him slowly shake his head as you scrambled off his lap and went to go get his computer from where you left it charging in the living room. When you brought it back to the kitchen, Bradley said, "Princess, she makes more money than I do. I just don't see how that could be the case. You should see where she lives in Oceanside. It looks like a mansion."
"No," she replied, opening up the tabs she had saved. "She doesn't live in Oceanside any longer."
"How do you know that?" he asked, wrapping his arms around you as you sat perched on his thigh.
You pulled up some property records you had found when you searched Meredith's name earlier. "She went into foreclosure last year and had to sell. She lives in an apartment in San Diego now."
You looked at Bradley over your shoulder, but he was completely silent now.
"What was the name of her company?" you asked, turning back to the computer.
"Coastal Business Development," he said quietly. And a shiver ran through your body. You had been correct in what you found. But now you kept opening tab after tab as he sat there with you. More new information was popping up left and right. She had tried to hide her name by using an LLC, but Bradley knew enough of the missing pieces to help you put it all together.
"She's bankrupt," you whispered, and he gently pushed your hand out of the way to open one last tab himself. You skimmed the court documents and said, "It sounds like she married her business partner, and he left her high and dry."
"Damn," Bradley gasped, going back through each tab about Meredith's real estate foreclosure, business bankruptcies, and personal interviews. You tried to push the computer away, but Bradley kept going back to the same tab, and now he wouldn't even let you minimize it.
"Don't read it," you whispered, pulling his hand away and turning to look at him.
His eyes were void of emotion now as he looked at you. "She was quoted saying she doesn't have any children."
"She doesn't," you insisted, taking his face in your hands. "Not really. But you do. Noah is your son, Bradley."
He let his forehead come to rest on your shoulder, but a minute later, his phone was ringing in his pocket.
"It's probably Nat," he said, shaking his head. "I can't talk to anyone else right now."
He handed you his phone, but you looked at the name and said, "I think you should answer. It's your lawyer."
"Tracy," he grunted, holding the phone up to his face and closing his eyes. You tried to slip off of his lap after a moment, but he held you in place. And then his tone sounded sharp and angry as he scrambled to put the call on speakerphone. "Can you please repeat that last part?"
You heard Tracy's voice clearly say, "You remember how I told you Meredith was in breach of contract with her lawyer? Well, she never paid the law firm. Not a cent. The firm dropped her at the last minute when her funds never materialized. I just found out today. Do you know if she has any sort of history of financial mishaps?"
"Yes!" you said before you could consider if Bradley wanted Tracy to know you were there with him.
Tracy was quiet for a beat. "Are you at home? I'll come to you."
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When Tracy arrived after ten o'clock on Tuesday night, Bradley was practically having a nervous breakdown. The hearing was tomorrow. He and Noah were supposed to be at the courthouse in twelve hours. He felt like he was going to throw up.
But at least you were there, touching his hands and his shoulders and trying to make him feel better. You actually were helping him feel better. And then Tracy was in his kitchen with a huge bag, wearing gym clothes and eyeing you a little suspiciously.
Then she looked at Bradley and said, "Ignoring my legal advice, I see."
He sighed deeply. "Tracy, this is my babysitter turned girlfriend."
"Do not call her that tomorrow in the courtroom under any circumstances!" she said hastily. "Promise me, Bradley! I don't want us to end up looking like a pack of idiots when you point her out as your girlfriend."
"Wait..." you said, eyes wide. "You want me there tomorrow?"
"Yes," Tracy said, unloading folders onto the kitchen table along with her computer and a protein shake. "I already have a call in with the judge to have you added as a character witness. So be prepared to answer questions and give a statement if called upon."
"That's too much to ask," Bradley mumbled looking from Tracy to you. "I can't ask you to do that."
You looked at him like he was very slow and maybe a little naive. "You didn't ask me to. Tracy just told me I was. And I want to. If there's a chance I can do anything that might help, I'm doing it."
Bradley pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to panic too much as you and he showed Tracy what'd you had found online. "Fucking hell," Tracy muttered, scribbling down notes. "I didn't know this was going to turn into a criminal hearing, but here we are." She scrolled through the property records and matched up tax identification numbers, taking everything a step beyond what you and Bradley had been able to do.
"A criminal hearing?" Bradley asked cautiously, but Tracy seemed to be in her own world now.
"Oh... she's slick," Tracy murmured. "Or she believes she is. You would think she'd have known her lawyer wouldn't fall for this. I wonder if she'll even have a lawyer tomorrow..."
Bradley reached for your hand on the table. "Can we just backtrack a moment? What kind of statement will she need to make?" he asked Tracy as he nodded at you. "And what will Meredith's lawyer be allowed to ask her?"
Tracy looked at his fingers intertwined with yours. "You'll just have to answer my questions honestly, without using the word girlfriend! And then Meredith's legal team is going to think it's open season on you as soon as they see your name was added to the docket. If we can even manage to have you added. So if you can't manage to answer their questions calmly and without crying as they try to shred you to pieces, then I suggest you learn how to overnight."
Bradley wanted to put an end to this entire thing, but you cut him off before he could start talking. "Do you honestly think I'll be helpful?"
"Absolutely. Could be the nail in Meredith's coffin, given all this new information."
"Then I'm in. Seriously Bradley, do not argue with us again," you told him, kissing his cheek while Tracy typed away. 
"Okay, I need some coffee. And then let's go over everything from the top," Tracy said, clapping her hands.
----------------------------
It was well after midnight by the time you coaxed Bradley into bed. These last minute revelations were something Tracy insisted were good for Bradley's case, but he was looking extremely apprehensive now. He was raking his fingers through his hair nonstop and pacing around. 
"You need to try to sleep," you whispered, pulling him down the hallway. "Let Tracy do what she needs to do, okay? She's going to be in charge tomorrow. She's good at this."
But he stopped short in front of Noah's door and let go of your hand. "You go get ready for bed. I'll be there in a minute." His voice was flat and his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed before ducking inside the dark bedroom. You were worried, mostly about him. And about how Noah would do when being questioned by the judge tomorrow. You didn't have time to worry about yourself, so that was at least one good thing you thought of while you brushed your teeth. 
You were dressed in one of Bradley's oversized shirts and waiting in bed for a while before he came in. You helped him change out of his clothes, and he climbed into bed next to you. He didn't say anything except, "I love you, Princess," after he pressed a soft kiss to your lips. But he let you pull him into your arms, and pretty soon you were dozing off to the feel of his soft breaths on your forehead and his heart beating beneath your palm. 
When you woke to a pitch black room, you could tell he was no longer in bed with you. You found him sitting on the floor in Noah's room, watching his son sleep, and when you walked in, your bare feet silent on the floor, he looked up at you. Even in the dim glow from the nightlight, you could tell he had been crying again. But he didn't ask you to leave. He reached for you. 
"You're a good dad," you told him with a soft sob as you climbed onto his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck. "Noah is lucky. And I don't believe they could take him away from you. Away from all this love."
He kissed your cheek, and then he smiled softly as you brushed Noah's curls from his forehead with one hand and Bradley's with the other. "I feel like I can't breathe right," he whispered, and you could feel his pulse racing as you pressed your lips to his neck. "I don't know what I'll do if they take him from me."
"Stop it. They won't."
He was silent again after that, and the two of you ended up sleeping right there on the floor. When you woke up as Noah climbed out of bed just after sunrise, your hip was a little sore, and Bradley was still sleeping. 
"Morning, Noah," you whispered, standing and scooping him into your arms. You took him to the kitchen, kissing his chubby cheeks on the way.
"Do you live here now?" he asked, yawning as you turned on the coffee maker. 
"No. I don't," you said, hoping he wouldn't say anything like that when he was questioned by the judge in a few hours. "I'm just your babysitter." He just blinked at you before asking for breakfast.
About twenty minutes later, when Bradley walked in rubbing his back, he made a beeline for Noah while you scrambled some eggs and made coffee. Even the mug that said My Other Car Is a Super Hornet didn't make you smile today. You burned your mouth on the coffee, and you nearly knocked the pan onto the floor. Because every time you looked at Bradley, you were on the verge of tears. Maybe you weren't capable of being as strong as you needed to be today. Now the idea of standing up in the courtroom was laughable. You were going to ruin everything.
Bradley was calling your name, and when you snapped out of your daze, he said, "You need to eat, too."
"I can't," you whispered, shaking your head. "I can't." You left them alone and went to take a quick shower, happy you'd packed a variety of clothing when you stopped home the other day. You were supposed to have a mock interview with one of your peers over a FaceTime call today, so you'd packed a blazer and some nice pants. You'd just have to skip the interview. Honestly, school and searching for a job had been the last things on your mind recently anyway.
You let Bradley get Noah ready to go, and when it was time to leave, you looked at him, so handsome in his navy blue suit. "Will you drive? Please?" he asked, holding out the Bronco key for you to take. You simply nodded, but a moment later, you felt tears in your eyes again. He was sitting in the backseat next to Noah. You backed carefully out of his driveway and headed to the center of the city and the courthouse and Meredith and everything else that you wished Bradley and Noah didn't have to see today. 
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The fact that Tracy was chugging a Red Bull and looked like she hadn't slept at all was only making Bradley feel worse as he carried Noah up the stairs in front of the courthouse. 
She rushed toward them and pointed at you. "You're on the docket. Get ready. Meredith supposedly has a lawyer, and I'm sure they've seen the docket update by now."
"Okay," you replied. You were nodding, but you looked as nervous as Bradley felt.
Then Tracy was patting Noah on the head. "Remember me?  I'm Tracy. We're going to do something a little different today, okay Noah? It might seem a little silly at first, because you'll be the only kid here! But you'll be allowed to color when we get inside."
You gasped. "I didn't pack him any coloring books!"
"I have some," Tracy said, patting her briefcase. You immediately looked a little calmer, and Tracy added, "But that's the sign of a good babysitter if you usually pack them."
"She brings me coloring books when she babysits me," Noah told Tracy. 
Bradley held Noah a little tighter. "Made sure I got you the best babysitter around, bub."
Just as Tracy cracked open another can of Red Bull that she procured from somewhere, she said, "Time to go in." Bradley didn't stand too close to you, and he didn't touch you. He followed you inside the front doors at a respectable distance, and you seemed to understand what needed to be done today. 
When Bradley's eyes settled on Meredith, she was already looking at him. And she was standing next to a tall man in a suit. "Well, would you look at that? She does have a lawyer today," Tracy whispered, crushing the now empty can in her fist and throwing it away before walking over to introduce herself to him. 
Bradley had to turn his gaze away from his ex, and he walked a little further away from you. The desire to touch you was strong, but he instinctively wanted to get Noah as far away from Meredith as he possibly could. Bradley's heart was pounding, and a wave of nausea passed through him. 
"Daddy, can we go home?" Noah whispered, wrapping his arms around Bradley's neck. "I don't like it here."
Neither did Bradley. He held his son and thought about Carole, and how she never let anything scary happen to him when he was a kid. He thought about losing everything by the time he was a teenager and about the fact that Noah had given him a fresh start. A reason to be happy. And it was because of Noah that he met you. When he glanced over his shoulder, you were watching the two of them with a soft gaze. 
"Pretty soon, bub," he replied, squeezing his son and pressing his lips to his forehead. "I'll take you home soon. I hope."
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Next up is the showdown! Get in my asks with questions and concerns, but we may be nearing the end. Hope you enjoy your fic, @beyondthesefourwalls And thank you @mak-32 !
PART 25
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jageshemashftw · 10 months
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Knuckles: Why do villains always need to hit me in the fucking face?
Sonic: Take it as a compliment, you have a very punchable face.
Knuckles: Like, I can understand a solid body blow, it’s a fight for chrissakes, but a direct shot to my eye? You have to work for that shit!
Sonic: Yeah, sorry bud, but I have very little sympathy for the guy who flexes in the middle of a fight.
Knuckles: Fuck you, it’s intimidating.
Amy: Hey guys, can I-? What the hell happened to your face, Knuckles?
Knuckles: I was fighting Bark and he sucker-punched me.
Amy: How the fuck did he manage that? You’re, like, the best hand-to-hand fighter we have?
Sonic: Oh, he flexed in the middle of the fight to be ‘intimidating’.
Knuckles: It was intimidating!
Amy: Yeah, it was so intimidating, he smacked you in the fucking face.
Sonic: Oh shit! (hi-fives Amy)
Knuckles: Great, now there’s fucking two of you. What do you want, Ames?
Amy: Oh, well, uh… I’m going on this thing tonight with- with Blaze, and, well… I think there’s something I need to tell you guys.
Knuckles: You’re Bi.
Sonic: You’re Bi.
Amy: I’m sorry, what the fuck?!
Sonic: Hmm?
Amy: I haven’t told anybo- I barely knew!! How the fuck did you know?!
Sonic: Amy, we’re your closest friends. We know you better than anyone. On top of that, we love you.
Amy: O-Oh… Thank you, Sonic. That really means a lot to hear-
Knuckles: Also, you’re fucking terrible at hiding it.
Sonic: Yeah, also that. Mostly that, actually.
Amy: Okay, wow, first of all, I wasn’t hiding it, I was discovering myself. And second of all, no I fucking was not!
Knuckles: Yep, you were.
Amy: No, I wasn’t!
Sonic: Yeah, sorry Ames, but you kinda were.
Amy: No, I was not!!
Knuckles: Do you really wanna fucking go there, sis?
Sonic: It would save you a lot of embarrassment if you just trusted us here.
Amy: There is absolutely no evidence that either of you could known until this exact second when I told y-!!
Sonic: SALLY!!
Amy: What are you doing?
Knuckles: Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Sally: (walking in) Hey Sonic, what’s up?
Sonic: Hey Sal, I need to wash the Tornado for Tails. You wanna help out?
Sally: Oh, yeah, no problem.
Amy: (gulp)
Knuckles: Oh, and the thing is pretty dirty. You’re probably gonna get soaking wet so I’d lose the vest if I were you.
Amy: (blushing) Sorrylosethewhat?
Sally: Oh, yeah, that’s a good point. Hold up…
Amy: Okay, I get it! You made your point!
Knuckles: Told you so. Sonic?
Sonic: Ah, you know what, Sal? Tails and I are gonna take it out tonight. Nevermind, you’re good.
Sally: Oh, okay. See you guys later. Amy. (winks)
Amy: Hehehe, bye… I fucking hate you both.
Knuckles: Don’t hate us. We warned you.
Sonic: Okay, okay, in all seriousness… We’re happy for you, Amy. You should be proud of yourself.
Amy: … Thanks, Sonic.
Tails: (walking in) So, seeing as how I just saw Sally walking past with her vest open, I’m guessing Amy is finally out of the closet?
Amy: For the love of- DID ANYBODY NOT KNOW!?
Tails: …… No. What the hell happened to your face?
Knuckles: It’s a long story…
Tails: … You flexed in the middle of a fight again, didn’t you?
Knuckles: It’s intimidating!!
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lykaonimagines · 2 years
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Lose My Mind - Stephen Strange x Reader
Paring: Stephen Strange x F!Reader
Word Count: 949
Description: After spending years hoping Y/N would just figure out his feelings for her, Stephen realizes he’s run out of time. He has to tell her or let her go. Based on the song “Kiss Me Before I Fucking Lose My Mind” by Charlie Puth. Bits from the song are used. 
“I'm done playing these games. I can't believe what I'm about to say. I won't tell you goodbye, with my love left behind. Kiss me before I fucking lose my mind.”
Other Things: Fluff. Start of relationship.
Warnings: Some swearing.
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“You’re… joining the Guardians? Are you serious?” Stephen asks, his brow furrowed at his former apprentice. “As in the group with the talking raccoon and tree?”
Y/N nods with a small laugh, taking a sip of the tea he had previously handed her. “Wasn’t sure where to go, and they offered for me to join them. I get along well with them all, and Quill said they could benefit from my magic.”
“Anyone would benefit from having you around,” he says gruffly, tightly gripping his own glass as he bites back harsher replies. “When would you be leaving and coming back?”
Kicking at the rug she looks up at him sheepishly, “Well, today. I have all my stuff packed upstairs. Just going to meet with them then open a portal between my room here and the room on their ship to move it all over. They don’t make it back to Earth very often, and I don’t really intend on portaling back and forth the entire time. Just going to live the full experience. So maybe in a few years. I’ll be reachable for emergencies though.”
“Years? You’re going to be gone for years?”
“Yeah… after everything that has happened. I mean. I was learning from you and at Kamar-Taj for years, then I was put in charge of this Sanctum for five years, and now you’re back. I’ve had my lessons, and I’m not really needed here. I also don’t feel like going back to Kamar-Taj. Most of the Avengers I knew are gone. Just seems like the best step.”
Stephen nods slowly, unsure what to say. Biting the inside of his cheek as her phone rings.
She pulls it out quickly, giving him an apologetic look as she answers, “Hey Quill, what’s up? Mhm. Yeah I’m just finishing up here and I’ll be headed out. Yep. See you soon.”
“I’d imagine that’s your ride?” he asks stiffly, standing with her as she gets up from her seat.
“Yeah, they got here a bit early. Drax wanted to try a rollercoaster though so they’re running off to do that. But I should get going, have to get everything settled anyways.”
Stepping up closer to the sorcerer, she surprises him by throwing her arms around him. He quickly relaxes into the embrace and brings his arms up to hold her to him, “I’m gonna miss you, you know that right?”
He nods silently against her in the embrace, sighing as she pulls back. Forcing a smile to his lips, “You’ll do great.”
She gives him one last smile before fishing out her sling ring from her pocket and taking a few steps away from him.
As she turns away, Stephen finds himself suddenly reaching out to grab her wrist before she can raise it, his unsteady fingers circling around it as she turns to look at him confused, “Uh, Strange?”
Taking a deep breath, he finally meets her eyes, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m done playing these fucking games.”
“Games? You’ve been playing games with me?”
“I’ve spent years, hoping you’d just figure it out,” he says softly. “I’ve never been able to just say it to you, but I… can’t say goodbye. Not again. Not for this. Not without you knowing the truth.”
“Stephen what are you saying?” Y/N asks finally turning to face him. His grip firm on her wrist, jaw set tight, and his blue eyes set intensely on her face.
Suddenly tugging her closer, Y/N nearly falls into his body. She stares up at him in surprise as his heart beats rapidly against his ribcage as he lowers his face closer to her, “Kiss me before I fucking lose my mind.”
Her eyes widen, a moment of panic and doubt gripping his heart. But before he can pull back, her hands are on his cheeks pulling him closer, and her lips against his.
His arms slide quickly around her waist, pulling her flush to his body as every nerve in his body seems to ignite at once. Her lips move on his just as desperately as his own, hoping to convey the words he’d long left unsaid.
They part with only the sound of their heavy breathing in the large room. Her hands grip the neck of his robes tightly, a slight smile playing on her lips as his eyes once again glance down to them.
He presses his forehead to hers, looking into her eyes, “Stay. Please. I need you here, with me.”
“How long have you been holding this back Strange?” she teases, her warm breath tickling his nose.
“Far too long,” he murmurs as he lean back to press soft kisses from her forehead down to her jaw. “And it was getting dire. Stay.”
Reaching up, she slowly runs her nails through his facial hair as she looks up at him lost in thought.
“Please?” he offers quietly, pulling a chuckle from her.
“If I stay, what are we?”
“I’m yours, if that’s what you’re asking,” he answers immediately. “If that’s what you want.”
“So we’re talking exclusivity, boyfriend and girlfriend?”
“If it’s what you want.”
“But what do you want?”
“You,” he states simply. “Preferably staying here, just involved with me.”
“Stephen stop being diplomatic and just ask me,” she teases gently.
“Will you be mine? Preferably only mine?” He smirks as she rolls her eyes.
“Yes Stephen, I’ll date you.”
“And tell the Guardians they can fuck back off to wherever they come from, and you’ll stay?” he asks with the raise of an eyebrow.
Pressing her lips to his once more, she smiles against him before whispering, “I’ll stay.”
----
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lydiablack-m · 1 year
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It’s Mihael... Mihael Keehl... |Mello x Reader|
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Pairing: Mello x Reader
Warnings: Angst, heavy angst, hurt/comfort/hurt, reader is from Wammy's house, the story takes place the night before Mello's attempt to kidnap Kiyomi
Word count: 1.5k
A/N: yep, I did it again, posting for Death Note, while having a dozen fandoms to write for.
P.S. I don’t know, if anyone ever said this, but Mello OWNS the Leave My Body song by Fever Dreamer. The heavens said so, not me. Highly recommend to listen to it while reading as did I for about 5 hours in a row. 
"This work can be considered as the second part of the storyline. The other parts you may find here"
Another sleepless night, full of endless calculations, checking maps and plans again and again. Another night that he spends alone, sending her to sleep and listening to the beeping of computer signals from the next room, where Matt is working on hacking city networks.
 Another night... The air rings in the ears with increasing tension, the blood beats an uneven pulse in the temples, forcing to frown painfully and clench the fists, so that nails scratch the palms.
 He heard a slight rustle at the door and turned around. A young girl stood in the doorway, rubbing sleepy eyes with her sleeve.
 “Hey, are you okay?” His tired gaze, clouded from long work at the computer, began to clear up, and softness flashed across his face.
 “I can't sleep,” you muttered, leaning against the door frame. “I’ve been thinking...  Are you sure this is gonna work out?”
 His face became serious and detached again, he turned back to the monitor.
 “I'm sure,” he said shortly.
 “I'm sorry ...” you guiltily lowered your eyes to the floor. “It’s just... I'm just afraid of losing you, you know...” You looked up at him and your lips trembled. “I'm afraid of losing you and Matt, I'm afraid to stand on your graves and mourn your short lives, cursing myself for not being careful enough, not being attentive enough. I'm afraid to go back to an empty dark apartment where your voice will never sound again. I'm afraid to be left alone...”
 You gently put your hands on his shoulders, and buried your nose in the golden hair, inhaling the barely discernible scent of engine oil and heavy cologne. Memories flashed in your head of the day when, along with a bag of daily products, Mello brought an extremely expensive bottle from the store, which he stole from under the noses of the guards.
 Over the years of working for the mafia, he got used to a luxurious life, got used to the fact that he could indulge his little weaknesses, get everything that he could not have in the Wammy's house. Now he no longer had the funds of the mafia, but no one could take away his skills and ability to get anything he wanted.
 “Please... I beg you... Let me stay near you,” you whispered. “Please, let me help. If something happens to you, I will never forgive myself for inaction, when maybe I could have saved you. I beg... Please...”
 You heard Mello sigh heavily and covered your hand with his palm, slightly squeezing.
 “Y/n... You're everything I have, everything I've ever needed... I want you to be happy, I want Matt to be happy. I want both of you to live your long and happy lives. But mine... I lived long enough to make dozen mistakes and... I don't care anymore... If I'm going to die this time it will be just a part of the investigation, just a piece of puzzle for Near to solve. I already know, that I'm not the one to end this. I never was.”
 The way he said it, the sharp bitterness and doom in his words made your heart sink. You felt like something broke inside you. For the first time he accepted his defeat. For the first time, you felt scared.
 Your fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt as you clenched your teeth to keep from crying of helplessness.  
 “Please... Don't say it like you don't care about your death.” you wheezed. “I'll kill them all. I'll come to their fucking headquarters and kill everyone. I'll kill them for you. One of them is Kira, so I won't miss. I will kill everyone. I... don't want to live without you. If you die, I can't...”
 Your hands were trembling and you shut your eyes to do not let the tears flow. You couldn't say it, as if the mere thought of the possibility of a negative outcome was a betrayal, as if you were giving up on him.
 A quiet sob escaped from your throat, causing Mello to flinch and turn to you.
 “I don't want to lose you again…”
 You couldn't hold the tears anymore and covered your face with your palms. With every second it seemed to you as if reality was slipping away, as if everything was happening outside of your consciousness and you couldn't help it. Over the past few months, Mello has been distancing from you, completely devoting his strength, energy and rage to the investigation. You didn't interfere because you understand how important it was, but now... Everything had gone too far and you couldn’t fix it anymore.
 You felt hands fall on your trembling shoulders and Mello pressed you to him, nuzzling the curve of your neck. You shut your eyes and pressed closer, clinging to him like a life-saving straw, holding together the fragments of your world falling apart, breaking at the seams.
 “I love you,” he murmured into your neck. “I love you with all my fucking heart. If we were in another world... In another life... If we could be like this forever...”
 “But we can,” you pulled away, looking into his eyes. “Mello, we still can do that. Let's quit the investigation, let's move somewhere unknown, buy a tiny cottage in a quiet village and do some shitty normal stuff other people do. Run a business, buy a dog...
 Please Mello... I thought... I thought we could’ve become a family…” you timidly looked into his eyes. “You, me, Matt... What more could we want?..”
 His long searching gaze seemed to look through you, into the very soul, laying out each of its components, studying and exposing all hidden fears, worries, hopes. You got scared that you said too much, that you could damage the fragile connection between you, that you disappointed him.
 He quietly raised his hand and touched your cheek. His thin fingers weightlessly outlined the line of your cheekbones, descending to the lips. He touched the lower lip with his thumb and pulled softly.
 There was still doubt in his gaze, but you saw how his eyes were filling with calmness and the heaviness of tension was fading away.
 He gently lifted your chin and moved closer to your lips.
 “You know... in the end every time you appear to be right,” he chuckled bitterly, shortening the distance between you.
 You felt the metallic taste and the rough skin of the lips, bitten in moments of nervous tension. Your hand gently tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, softly stroking the place of the scar on his beautiful face. He deepened the kiss, pulling you closer by the waist and guiding your chin with two fingers.
 Lately, when the investigation occupied all his thoughts, there was nothing but a brief kiss, fleeting sparks of feelings, unconscious hugs, when you happen to sleep together. Now he was kissing you sincerely, demanding, tenderly, as if begging you for something that you couldn't understand yet. As if he was speaking in another language, afraid to say out loud what he had to say long ago.
 “I love you,” he whispered into your lips, pulling away.
 Now you saw in front of you nothing but a boy from the Wammy's house, the one you remembered so well, the one that shared his dreams and achievements with you, the one that beat the walls and swore to win Near during the next test. The boy who came to your room and made a promise to find you, looking at you with a long wistful gaze, before leaving the Wammy's house forever.
 “Y/n, I... I cannot change it anymore. We have to do it tomorrow. And we will. It's more than me, it's more than us. I know what I gotta do and I will do it. I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I cannot promise you anything this time... I will try my best for you, but... You have to know, no matter what's gonna happen tomorrow, I love you and I always will. Don't blame yourself, alright? You couldn't change anything. You're the best thing ever happened to me and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that.”
 He once again pressed your hand tight and quickly headed back to the computer, as if he was afraid that at any moment, something in him could overpower, break his determination.
 “I hid the rest of the mafia's savings in the basement. They will be enough to change documents and buy real estate in Canada. They're yours now, and... Take care of Matt, okay?”
 You walked stiff-legged to the door, realizing this was the end. You failed. Your throat was dry, your tongue wouldn't obey you, there was a fog in your head, as if you could pass out at any minute.
 “And... One more thing.” he said quietly over his shoulder. “I know, maybe it's stupid but... I want you to know my name. In the end... I don't want you to remember me as Mello...
 It's Mihael...
 Mihael Keehl.”
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butterflydm · 1 year
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wot reread: the gathering storm (prologue - chapter 6)
spoilers through the gathering storm.
Okay, here we go. Ready to head into the last three books. My own memory of reading these books should not necessarily be trusted, lol, as I have learned with my reread as a whole and how different many of my opinions & beliefs are from what they were before. Some things were confirmed for me (yep, Tuon was a huge waste of potential) but other things were contradicted (nope, Mat is not a Bad Friend like he gets represented by much of fandom, but has been incredibly loyal throughout the series, even after Rand kinda starts being an asshole to him). So this will be interesting for me, to see how much I may have remembered or forgotten.
1. So this first section of the prologue seems mostly about setting up the Bad Vibes that are coming with the Last Battle. A farmer in the Borderlands sees strange clouds, has a vision, and decides it’s time to turn his scythe into a weapon (along with other people around him). I assume this is Rand being unwittingly ta’veren at people en masse, inspiring them to head north to help with the Last Battle (though that begs... several questions).
2. *sigh* Once again, we are all about being inside the slavers’ heads and not caring about the slaves. Next PoV section is a sul’dam. I am just... tired of sul’dam at this point. Okay, anyway, they’re freaking out because their damane have been shielded by Rand. This is apparently an extension of Rand’s ending scene in KoD, from the PoV of one of the sul’dam of that battle, because she talks about Rand losing his hand and then “picking it up like a glove”. I’m gonna try to get past my now-instinctive annoyance with all things Seanchan and see if I can figure out the purpose of this scene.
3. “The promise of freedom might be part of some scheme” seems like such a twisted line to put into the mouth of a slaver, just saying. “Freedom” for her but not for the women that she views as tools and pets.
4. Again it is so frustrating that Nynaeve doesn’t spill the sul’dam secret here, just like it was frustrating at the end of Knife of Dreams! She wants to heal the injured damane, she hates that Rand is sending them back into slavery, so why is she giving a helping hand to the Seanchan Empire by not spilling the damn sul’dam secret to the Dragon Reborn? And the sul’dam likely wouldn’t even believe her, at least not now, so it’s not like the actual scene would change that much! (but Rand would believe her and then maybe he would have some options) Jordan was stacking the deck as hard in favor of the Seanchan as possible and he also just HATED anyone sharing useful information with Rand ever, at any time.
5. Yeah, this scene was definitely written by Jordan because I’m getting just as pissed off about Rand’s storyline as I was at the end of Knife of Dreams, lol. I feel like I could have guessed this scene was by Jordan even if I didn’t already know, because I am so annoyed at Nynaeve carrying around the Idiot Ball of protesting against Rand’s decision but not giving him any reasons to make a different one, even though SHE KNOWS THINGS that he doesn’t know. This is definitely Jordan’s CoT/KoD energy. Just. Talk to Rand. About the actionable information that you have! Rather than refusing because Women Only Talk About Important Things To Women and Men Only Talk About Important Things To Men. I am hitting you with a pillow in my head, Nynaeve. Please know that.
6. ...what the actual fuck. Rand is completely letting the Seanchan off the hook for being terrible and blaming everything on Semirhage (”I rest more easily, now”). What the fuck? They are still SLAVERS, Rand. Anyway, he talks here about how he MUST have peace which... I’ve talked about this before but giving Rand this attitude kinda completely nullifies any plot need for Mat to marry Tuon. Rand is already prepared to roll over for the Seanchan, with no need for a marriage tie to convince him. The Mat-Tuon marriage is just so completely pointless in every possible way, because Rand was willing to bend regardless and ready to hand Tuon the keys to the kingdom, essentially.
7. ...have I mentioned recently that I really hate the direction that Jordan decided to go with the Seanchan in CoT & KoD? Man, it was such an intense and interesting storyline with fascinating (though horrific) throughlines all the way through Winter’s Heart, and then Jordan salted the cake instead of using sugar and now the whole storyline is just... inedible and deserves nothing but being tossed in the trash.
8. On the plus side, the sul’dam doesn’t think about the male a’dam even once, so it’s possible that Semirhage actually DID duplicate them herself and Rand was able to confiscate her entire stash, leaving none for Slaver Overlord back in Ebou Dar. On the minus side... everything else in this scene.
9. Oh, it’s Tylee. Perrin’s slaver BFF and the person that he sold 200+ women to. If you’ll recall from Knife of Dreams, he’s chill that she’s a slaver because she was nice to him personally and helped him out, so he didn’t care about what she might be doing to anyone else because slavery is just too hard to fight, y’all. Perrin Aybara: moral integrity of swiss cheese. Anyway, it’s been two weeks, Tylee’s missing her BFF and hoping she doesn’t have to face him across a battlefield later on; echoes of Mat & Tuon lol. Oh, yeah, and the hauntings that Elayne & her people were experiencing in Knife of Dreams (I think) are affecting the Seanchan now too. It is a little funny that, because of when they landed, Tylee & lots of the Seanchan just think that the Westlands is a place where food rots really really quickly, not knowing that it’s the Dark One’s touch.
10. Oh, nice the Seanchan army gets attacked by Trollocs! Sweet move by the Dark One. I approve. This is like when the gholam killed Tylin. I can’t imagine why I would possibly be upset that the invading slaver army is getting killed off by the ‘bad guys’. Theory time: before Jordan decided to go all-in on alliances, turning the Seanchan army into chaos makes sense as to where he was potentially planning to go with them, at least for me? We’ve seen the results of a complete breakdown of society among the Aiel, and seeing that begin among the Seanchan as a result of the sul’dam secret being openly revealed would have a great deal of sense as a plotline, and it would have taken them out of the equation so that Rand wasn’t fighting battles on two fronts. There’s not really any need for the Seanchan troops to bolster the Westland troops in the Last Battle -- the Dark One literally only has as many people/Shadowspawn fighting on its side as the author decides. That’s a completely flexible number.
idk idk, it’s hard to say where Jordan was planning to go with the plotline originally except it feels like he radically changed his mind between Winter’s Heart and Crossroads of Twilight.
11. Checking in with Graendal. Let’s see... her deal was that she was sowing chaos by sending very bad orders to Ituralde by pretending they were from his king, and then Moridin snatched her up and said she had to work for him now. This section essentially works as a catch-up on the Plot Thus Far from the Forsaken’s point of view. Okay, the purpose of the Forsaken gathering is that Mesaana and Demandred want to rescue Semirhage from Rand. Demandred seems to care more about getting to Lews Therin/Rand than actually saving Semirhage, though. Anyway, Moridin is pissed off (his hand hurts lol) and tells them that they are absolutely NOT to rescue Semirhage under any circumstances. After Mesaana and Demandred leave, he lets Graendal know that Rand is going to Arad Doman and that she must make certain that he does not establish peace there (but don’t hurt him or kill him).
12. Oh, nice, Ituralde pulled a reverse Trojan Horse on the Seanchan army that was going after him. (this is the... northern front of the Seanchan? The northwestern front?) Though, honestly, it’s almost frustrating to see him still doing so well when I know his PASSIONATE AND SINCERE DEFENSE OF HIS HOME ends up getting cut off at the knees because We Must Ally With The Slavers At All Costs. I bet if someone told Ituralde about the sul’dam secret, he’d have been able to do something useful with it.
13. Sanderson gets rid of the first of many dangling plot threads by having Faile unceremoniously kill Masema rather than dragging that story out any longer. Good for her, etc. Done and dusted. I do have to laugh a little bit about Faile telling everyone not to tell Perrin, because Perrin can sell two hundred women into slavery but isn’t willing to kill a man who has created a murderous cult (despite being fully willing to kill people at other times). I mean, that does track with how he behaved in the last few books.
14. And now we are out of the prologue and into the main story, starting with a Rand PoV. We pick up with him in Arad Doman, where he can feel that Aviendha is getting closer. I find it... somewhat sad that this section here is the first time we’ve really gotten Rand thinking in depth on the bonding, at least from what I recall. Elayne bonded Rand with the three of them back in Winter’s Heart and we NEVER got Rand’s emotional reaction to that (or his emotional reaction to sleeping with Elayne!). He notes their worry and thinks that he can’t regret letting them bond him, even though he should. And he thinks about how he’s ‘using’ Min here, which is a very interesting tie-in (for me) to his regrets about ‘using’ Mat back in The Fires of Heaven (Min has sometimes superficially felt like “a Mat that Rand is allowed to sleep with” at times, in terms of how she’s been treated in the story -- lots of knives, has protested they aren’t a hero, treated as an emotional connection to Rand’s past, though that feels a lot more honest for Mat than Min). In terms of the “Min forcing herself into a pleasing mold for Rand” watch, we learn that she’s recently taken to bathing with lavender soaps. Rand notes that he finds it somewhat odd that Min dresses up her trousers & shirts with lace... which is hilarious, because she’s literally only doing it for him and his internal thought on it is “???”. Hey, Min. Maybe if you. Maybe if you had a conversation with Rand about your relationship, you’d find out that he liked you just fine the way you were, before you started making yourself miserable and dolling yourself up for him every day. Just a thought.
15. It’s so hilarious that Min manages to sound jealous when talking about how Rand is thinking about Semirhage, the Forsaken who is currently his prisoner. She’s got a gift. “You’re thinking about her again.” I would have respected Min so much more as a character if she’d just shanked Semirhage herself and then dealt with the fallout of how that affected her relationship with Rand. Honestly, what is the point of all her hidden knives if NOT to kill someone unexpectedly. But Min is very much a reactive/passive character when it comes to plot beats, so she just worries uselessly instead and damsels around the place.
16. He takes a moment to think about Elayne and what he can sense of her emotions from this far away -- he thinks that she’s relieved, which makes him hope that she’s won the throne, or closer to it. Okay, at this point in time, Rand is thinking about how he needs to make a truce with the Seanchan for the Last Battle but “after that, the Light could burn them all”. So Rand isn’t currently operating under any kind of belief at this point that the Seanchan aren’t worth fighting. He actually.. and I’m curious if this is from Jordan’s notes or if this bit was pre-written or if it’s all Sanderson, because I don’t think Jordan ever has Rand think about this clearly in the earlier books, but here it’s clear that the reason Rand believes full-bore that he MUST have peace with the Seanchan is because of what the ‘Finn told him (honestly, between this and Mat’s marriage prophecy, the ‘Finn carried a lot of water for the Seanchan -- I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that 'Finn, some of whom wear human skin, are fans of slavers, lol). That does make his choice here more understandable -- Rand has been prophecy-obsessed for books -- but it still means that Mat’s marriage is completely pointless from a narrative or tactical standpoint, lol. I wonder if that’s why Jordan decided to go for a ~romance~ angle for Mat? Because he realized that he’d voided out the narrative and tactical reasons, but the prophecy was already out there in the text, so he kinda had to figure out a new angle?
17. Hey. Hey, Min. You also know the sul’dam secret. You’ve been hanging out with Rand since Lord of Chaos and banging him since A Crown of Swords, and are really the one person who has most intimately witnessed how incredibly difficult this entire war against the Seanchan has been for him and how he’s failed at trying to stop them... could you maybe give him some useful information between all the sex? Maybe take a break from telling Rand’s secrets to Cadsuane and tell the Seanchan’s secrets to Rand instead. Just a thought.
18. Next up is Egwene, and serving Elaida this night at dinner. Ah, the first sentence is a reminder of all the corporal punishment that happens at the White Tower. And we can’t even blame this on Elaida, because the White Tower was like this before, and back twenty years ago in New Spring. And the Wise Ones are like this too. This was very much a Jordan thing (likely carried over from how he ‘learned’ at the Citadel). Note that even Egwene doesn’t think that beating your students is actually a bad thing in any way. She sees herself still crying when she gets beaten as a personal weakness that she needs to train out of herself, but thinks that Silviana is just ~doing her duty~ when she beats people to the point of tears.
19. Egwene is doing her best to point out the dissent and cracks that already exist in the Tower as a result of Elaida’s leadership, and feels like she’s getting through to people. Egwene is still getting forkroot every day, and almost always has two Red Ajah Sisters as ~guards~, specifically Katerine and Barasine, it sounds like, who are part of the group who captured her originally. Egwene has also been doing what she can to remind the Tower of Elaida’s ‘failures’ (like not successfully capturing Rand, and the failure of her force that was sent to subdue to the Black Tower). We also learn that the Dark One’s touch is increasing here too, with hallways shifting locations and now an actual tapestry changing to be more violent and bloody. Egwene has learned the wisdom of not stretching herself too thin - “ You scrubbed a floor clean by first picking a single spot and getting to work”.
20. As Egwene is arriving Elaida’s quarters, a ‘haunted’ Gray Sister is leaving. Is this the ‘ferret’ sent from Salidar who got commandered by the Black Ajah hunters and blackmailed into honeytrapping Elaida?
21. lol, the Amrylin’s quarters that Egwene imagines that Siuan must have had sound way more ~spy-focused~ than I remember Siuan’s quarters actually being. She had the one box that was set to destroy important papers if anyone else opened it, I think, and then just simple furnishings for the rest.
22. Egwene being certain that she would have taken Green (which is also the Ajah she pretended to be in Cairhien) -- honestly, would not pick that Ajah for her and it really feels like it’s left-over from Jordan basically deciding that Green is the Liking Men Ajah and Red is the Hating Men Ajah and everyone else is chopped liver, lol. Egwene just does not vibe Green for me at all! Brown for love of learning, White for finding legal loopholes, or Blue for ~vibes~ and dedicating herself to a cause all seem like they would suit her better. But she wants to marry the man she’d like to take as a Warder so... Green it is.
23. Oh, yeah, the Gray sister is Meidani, and Egwene recognizes her name as belonging to one of the ‘ferrets’, and Egwene is here to be Elaida’s server at her dinner date with poor Meidani, who deserved better than being blackmailed into spending time with Elaida. Egwene notes that Meidani looks terrified! (does Elaida not notice Meidani’s fear because she’s self-centered or does she enjoy it because she’s sadistic? the question of the hour. Ah, soon answered. She’s enjoying Meidani’s fear).
24. When Meidani mentions that some Sisters are worrying over the Seanchan (a worry that Elaida dismisses), we get a vivid reminder from Egwene’s memories of how hellish her experience with the Seanchan was and how monstrous they are to women who can channel -- she STILL gets PTSD flashbacks from her time in the collar and has not-too-deeply-buried trauma from it. I genuinely wish I could go back in time and get Jordan to answer some pointed questions about what the POINT of all this was? It’s so weird to me that the ‘boys’ and the ‘girls’ are being given such RADICALLY different vibes in their respective Seanchan-related interactions, starting in Crossroads of Twilight (Mat’s vibes with them are pretty horror-based in Winter’s Heart). Was it meant to be a critique on how so-called ‘good’ people are actually sometimes willing to support evil as long as the evil doesn’t hit close enough to home? But the evil SHOULD have been hitting close enough to home, at least for Rand and Mat, because Mat and Rand both care deeply about specific women who can channel! Mat grew up with Egwene & Nynaeve; he had a whole book about becoming friends with Elayne; he knows that his little sister can channel! Rand is literally IN LOVE with two women who can channel! Just... ???
25. Egwene blames Elaida here for everything that’s gone wrong and... eh. Elaida IS a bad leader but she was put into place as an unwitting puppet by the Black Ajah (so she foils/mirrors both Egwene and Rand -- Rand worries a lot in the early books that he will be turned into a puppet, and Egwene was raised to Amyrlin Seat with the intention of being used as a puppet), so removing Elaida might help a bit, but removing the Black Ajah would help more.
26. I like Egwene’s moment with Meidani here a lot -- she reassures her, gives her something solid to stand on to give her a bit of courage, validates the trauma that Meidani has undergone during her time back in the White Tower. This is a really good little moment here, that shows Egwene as a genuinely good leader. And I also like Egwene using deep breathing to help herself calm her own anger.
27. Serving Elaida at dinner has changed Egwene’s focus -- it’s more important (in her PoV) to keep her attention on holding the Tower together rather than removing Elaida from power, as she believes that Elaida will overreach and remove herself from power. I mean, again... I kinda gotta give Egwene an “eh” on this analysis too. Elaida has been able to force a LOT of things into being that go against Tower custom, so I’m not so sure as Egwene is that she would eventually just go ‘too far’ and get pulled down by the Hall.
28. It’s interesting to me that Rand laughing in the box during Lord of Chaos was meant to mark an internal ‘breaking’ point for him & LTT but Egwene laughing while being beaten is meant to mark an internal ‘breakthrough’ (in a positive way). Honestly not sure what it means in the narrative tbh. It’s positioned here as Egwene finally understanding what embracing pain means (as the Aiel say to do).
29. We go from Egwene Thinking Like An Aiel (TM) to an Aviendha chapter. Aw, it’s sweet that Aviendha is trying to see the Domani refugees from Elayne’s perspective and not just her own. We also once again here have the vibe of Rand-Elayne-Aviendha being one complete relationship (with Rand-Min being a completely separate relationship). That’s really the vibe that Rafe needs to break down in order to make the four-person relationship not feel like a harem. Because here, Aviendha thinks about how she plans to marry Rand with Elayne and doesn’t spare a single thought for Min (and why would she, tbh? she’s met Min ONCE). But it’s just so weird that there’s a narrative expectation that Aviendha and Elayne need to be close and be first-sisters in order to both be with Rand, but Min can do whatever and is never touched by the limits or cultural rules that bind other people or even by Rand’s own protectiveness. Min doesn’t need to be Aviendha’s first-sister; Min doesn’t fall under the category of “avoid her to protect her”. That contributes both to the harem vibes of Min being a completely separate relationship, and also to the vibes of Min being a plot device instead of a character that other people might actually interact with and have expectations about.
30. Honestly, this whole song-and-dance about how Aviendha can’t approach Rand until she ~earns honor~ just feels kinda silly. Rand, Aviendha, Elayne, and Min all CONFESSED THEIR LOVE and BONDED. She is INSIDE HIS HEAD. It’s just plain silly that she’s been moved into Rand’s plotline and proceeds to completely avoid him (and equally silly that Rand just passively allows Aviendha to avoid him while having sex with Min every night... sadly, it’s completely in character for Min to jealously hoard Rand. So far, Min has had one moment of selflessness in this entire relationship and, even then, she ended up being the person who has benefited the most from bonding Rand). This is a place where I do think that Jordan might have written things differently, simply because it makes zero sense to send Rand, Aviendha, & Min all to Arad Doman if it’s not to actually forge together that specific neglected side of the relationship. Aviendha and Min should be bonding! Rand and Aviendha should be spending time together (including sex! Aviendha doesn’t have hang-ups about sex before marriage and now things are good with Elayne, so it should be go time). Aviendha going to the place where Rand is only to not hang out with Rand at all is... just a bizarre narrative choice (especially when we get to The Event later on; at that point it’s ridiculous that Aviendha wouldn’t come running).
31. Okay, as the Aiel approach the place where Rand is, Amys... sort of grills Aviendha, and we get this weird “Min will be easy to work with/we will reach accommodation” conversation where they feel more like they’re going to be business partners than sharing in a romantic relationship with the same person. Again, yeah, it’s just so weird that Min exists in this odd bubble all on her own. Aviendha believed that she and Elayne NEEDED to be first-sisters in order to share Rand, but Min is just... idk, going to be over there somewhere, I guess. I do like Aviendha’s semi-annoyed thoughts that she loves Rand because of HER choice, not because of Min’s viewing. This is a major reason why I like Aviendha’s relationship with Rand more than Min’s with Rand. Min-Rand (and, of course, Mat-Tuon) is very much “prophecy first and then force the love to happen by brainwashing yourself into it because you don’t think you have a choice” and I’m... not into that vibe, essentially.
32. I like the actual tone and vibe of Aviendha’s PoV here -- I just feel like it should have been followed up with actual Rand-Aviendha interactions in this book. This PoV itself actually vibes really well with Egwene’s last PoV and I definitely see why they decided to place them next to each other.
33. Oh, hey, @markantonys - I’m at your boy’s first PoV chapter in this book! lol, anyway, Gawyn is watching some of the... rebels’ army? It sounds like. I’m pretty sure he has zero clue that Egwene has been captured by the White Tower. Pretty sure he’s on an information diet. Gawyn does know that the general he’s faced against here is Gareth Bryne. Gawyn is struggling with his duty. Gawyn really is... he kinda is one of the purest examples of someone who is actually faced with what we’re constantly told Rand is bringing to everyone everywhere -- the emotional turmoil and chaos amid breaking old ties and forging new ones. Because Gawyn thinks here that Bryne ‘should’ be with Elayne in Caemlyn, then immediately asks himself, well, where should I be?
34. This actually continues the theme from Egwene through Aviendha and now to Gawyn -- so far, we’ve had a series of characters considering themselves, their duty, their honor, and their strengths. Questioning the foundations of what they know about themselves. Egwene ‘finds’ herself through embracing pain and dedicating herself to her duty; Aviendha wonders why the Wise Ones treat her as if she has no honor; Gawyn thinks here -- he wasn’t certain he had duty, or honor, left to him.
35. Anyway, I’m glad that Gawyn has slowed down enough to give himself a chance to actually, um. Think. His duty is to Elayne and Egwene, he thinks here, so why is he on the side that is opposed to them? SUCH a good question, Gawyn. He’s thinking through why Elaida might have put him here, outside the city, when his Younglings can’t possibly actually make a dent in the rebels’ army. The gears in his head are turning! Genuinely, I am very pleased, lol. Will of the Amrylin or not, this was a deathtrap. Argh, no, after all that thinking and questioning, he rides back to his camp. GAWYN. YOU WERE SO CLOSE.
36. Rand next. “What he wanted no longer mattered.” Hmm. Rand is thinking about this in the context of how he is constantly surrounded by Aes Sedai these days but. Hmm. Rand thinks about Mat, as you do, and is given a vision of Mat dicing. Rand hopes that they will be reunited soon. I am stabbing the narrative with shearing scissors.
37. So, Rand is currently hanging out with Bashere. Whose wife was almost killed recently. And who then agreed to talk to a mysterious person because his wife almost died. I’m just putting that out there.
38. I genuinely loved Rand’s conversation with Harine here. It felt like it had give-and-take, though we can see how Rand is definitely on the edge of exhaustion and impatient, and it’s nice to have a Sea Folk character who is actually having a conversation with someone instead of just trying to browbeat them. He asks her how the Atha’an Miere handle men who can channel and then (when he finds out that, unsurprisingly, it’s a death sentence, either immediate or somewhat lingering) tries to talk to her about saidin being clean now and how that means that the way people treat male channelers needs to be changed. Literally! Why did it take so long for any conversations about this to happen in the books? Why was Rand just lazing around for two books post-cleansing when he could have been doing PR like this? Again, yeah, I really like this conversation! He believes he’s going to die at Shayol Ghul, so he’s not doing this for himself. He’s doing this for the other men who are like him, and all the ones who will follow. This is a really good moment. And we can see the turmoil (and the LTT memories!) in Rand in this moment, as he tries to convince her that saidin is clean and that more men don’t need to die to protect the world (just him). And it feels like we’re really getting into his head so far, re: LTT’s memories and him thinking about the bonding earlier.
39. Literally this chapter of Rand’s PoV has been TUGGING at my HEARTSTRINGS. Rand worrying that his death will lead to destruction and turmoil among the nations because he’s strung them so tightly together! Regretting that he didn’t help the world during the last breaking because he was so consumed by what he’d done and his grief and guilt over Ilyena! Rand worried about men who can channel still facing hatred and death sentences! Rand talking with Elza (lol) and Corele about the taint being gone and yet people not acting as if it is and Corele being frank and honest but also KIND with him. And we ARE still on theme from the previous three chapters -- duty is heavier than a mountain. Rand thinks here about how duty binds him as tightly as prophecy does. And Rand’s thoughts here on wanting to leave the world a better place very much echo Egwene’s thoughts on how she wants to focus on holding the White Tower together and rebuilding it rather than being arrow-focused on bringing down Elaida. Your duty is to the future and not the past.
40. I don’t care about Semirhage’s interrogation by Cadsuane because Semirhage should have just been killed at the end of Knife of Dreams. Things in the section that I DO care about -- how is Merise and Narishma’s relationship as Aes Sedai & bonded Asha’man going? Oooh, Cadsuane feels like Merise is ~flaunting~ having an Asha’man Warder. Going well, then? Seems to be going well enough.
41. See, I do like Ituralde’s PoV sections but... they should have been Mat’s. MAT should be the main general/soldier PoV that we see. Mat should never have been yeeted off into the Seanchan storyline; it’s just been so ill-fitting and annoying, and Jordan had to introduce a new PoV character just to give us the “war sucks” kind of storyline that Mat’s memories and situation were literally invented to give us. Mat just... every time he leaves a storyline, he leaves such big holes that require MULTIPLE people to try to patch up and fill. When he left Rand, he needed to be replaced by both Bashere and Min. When he left Elayne, there was a whole completely random army and ~dashing commander~ who showed up who had never been mentioned before to fill the spot in her plotline that would have been better suited to Mat & the Band. And Mat should have been the general fighting AGAINST the Seanchan and coming up with clever tactics against them, not the court jester capering for the slaver overlord’s disdainful amusement. Endless, ENDLESS sighs over the direction that Jordan decided to go with Mat’s plotline.
42. “Abandoning ones’ homeland to invaders... well, Ituralde couldn’t do that. Not even if the fight was impossible to win.” Honor and duty, even onto death. The theme continues. The note here, “the ravens had begun” (their work of eating the carrion of the battlefield) - perhaps is the reason that Jordan decided to make the Seanchan’s main symbol the same as the Shadow’s - the Prince of Ravens is the prince of the butcher’s bill after a battle (which possibly also leads into another name). 
(to borrow the question Gawyn asked himself -- where is YOUR honor, Mat? where is your duty? It’s not in the arms of the woman who invaded your homeland, despises your friends, would enslave your family. Cords of duty and prophecy but, while in Rand’s case, both prophecy and duty drag him towards Shayol Ghul, in Mat’s case, they each pull in opposite directions. Duty, loyalty, and honor say that he should be by Rand’s side during the Last Battle. Prophecy demands he abandon his homeland to allow it to be ripped apart by the ravens. So, Mat, why does your prophecy ask that you abandon duty, loyalty and honor... and why do you allow yourself to follow that prophecy when it tells you to sacrifice everything to the blood-soaked avatar of war and death? where is your duty, Mat Cauthon?)
43. lol, I feel like this bit here with Leane and Egwene is Sanderson poking at one of Jordan’s oddities/kinks -- “Odd, how a novice to be instructed could be beaten but a prisoner to be interrogated could not.” IT REALLY IS, Sanderson. It really is. (I mean, it could be Jordan poking fun at himself but. It kinda vibes like someone else) Anyway, the Weird Relocations caused by the Dark One are increasing. That’s the main thing in this section.
Notes for this section: it’s confirmed in Sanderson’s retrospective that the first two parts of the prologue -- the farmer and the sul’dam -- were written by Jordan.
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orcusnoir · 1 year
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More headcanons, this time video games
Note that isn't ALL the games they would play, but the ones they like the MOST. Or resonate with the most. Percy: Starting with the easiest, or rather second easiest. But Percy, and I mean this wholeheartedly, is a Metal Gear Solid stan. If there's ANY story out there that he would relate to more. It's Solid Snake's story, especially the whole "I just want to rest and be left alone but people keep dragging me back to fight battles."
TELL ME THAT DOESN'T FIT PERCY. HE JUST WANTS TO RELAX WITH ANNABETH BUT NOOO Outside of Metal Gear Solid, he's def a fan of Elder Scrolls (and LotR duh). "But Orcus" I hear you say "Percy said he doesn't like fantasy" and you would be correct. However, I raise you this. He doesn't like Urban Fantasy specifically. The whole "there's a secret magical world where we have to hide it from the Mort-er I mean Humans" trope is so stale to Percy that whenever he sees it the thought of flooding a publishing house briefly flickers through his mind. It's literally how he lives his life, so he hates urban fantasy. Though he would fucking LOVE Shadowrun, because while it is Urban Fantasy. It's not in the genre of 99.9% of urban fantasy, and it's different enough to his actual outside life that he can immerse himself in it. ______________________________________________________________ Annabeth: Okay, now for the easiest. In fact the reasons why she likes these games are so obvious that I don't feel like I need to explain myself. So let's just go on. SimCity, obviously, City Skylines, and...
Minecraft. "But, doesn't Minecraft have spiders?" Yes. That's why she uses creative mode. I don't think she'd be all in on survival, but creative? That's where she's designing some of her architectural projects in, she's got a LOT of building block and furniture mods I just know it. Honestly, now that I think of it, Annabeth would enjoy Rimworld.
______________________________________________________________ Frank: Civ. Frank plays Civilization and will lose DAYS of his life micro managing his cities. He has that same overly tactical mind, like Annabeth. However that's where they differ. Annabeth doesn't want to think about fighting when she relaxes, so while Civ would be up her ally, she wouldn't enjoy it all the time. As for Frank? Civ relaxes him. Even when the AI is doing some FUCKING BULLSHIT MOVES. Stellaris? Yep. Hearts of Iron? Crusader Kings? Yes. Victoria? Again, a yep. Any strategy game and Frank is ALL in on it. ______________________________________________________________ Hazel: Honestly, she's the difficult one. Same with Nico, but I feel like Diablo would be a natural fit. It's not too hard to pick up and learn, but it's got enough to learn to keep her interested. Same with Path of Exile. Hazel also shares a game with Nico, but I'll explain when I get to him. Also she totally plays Animal Crossing with Frank.
______________________________________________________________ Nico: Again, another tough one, or so I thought. Behold. FALLOUT. No seriously. Fallout would be PERFECT for Nico. He's literally from the time period, or close enough that he's almost certainly heard a fair number of the radio tracks featured in game. Fallout 3 would be a literal head trip for him, and the satirical nature of the games, the "I don't know what the fuck is going on, and what the fuck happened?" feeling that ALL of the protagonists have makes Nico (and Hazel) feel right at home. If anyone can relate to that, it's them. He totally plays Quake and DOOM though. ______________________________________________________________ Will: Will's the one that plays Animal Crossing. Well, not just Animal Crossing. Terraria? Stardew Valley? Also a yes. Will has a stressful job, so he's not interested in playing anything that's gonna stress him out. He def has a Minecraft world with Nico. While Will builds in more "modern" and bright color pallet. Nico is over there building elaborate gothic castles like it's nothing. Oh and LEGO Star Wars, but that's a given. And Battlefront 2. If it's Star Wars he's playing it. ______________________________________________________________ Alex: Alex and Magnus strike me as anarchists. Maybe illegalists, but def anarchists. However for Alex, I think she would actually enjoy Deus Ex. The original. Like, the whole "fuck Capitalism" theme of the game just gets Alex all giddy in a "how the fuck did they get away with this?" way. (Like the first "bad guy" you meet starts ranting off about corporate consolidation and tax rates. I'M NOT JOKING.) Same reason why she would enjoy watching Andor. It's got the theming, but it's not done in a way like you're reading political theory. It's just passive fun, and a good story. So on that note. Def Deus Ex. Metal Gear? Yeah, that too. Mass Effect? Sure, it has gay people in it, and for the time that was huge. (Y'all might not remember the absolute shit show that ME1 got into back in the day) Both her and Magnus play Assassin's Creed together. I just know. And TESIII: Morrowind. Trust me on this. ______________________________________________________________ Magnus: Magnus doesn't like violence. So he and Will share a lot of the same games actually. The guy sees more violence and bloodshed on a daily basis than any one person could comprehend. So games without a lot of that? He's all in for trying. So he def likes mostly Nintendo titles, maybe not Mario, but Zelda is a huge favorite. LEGO games are another solid choice, and I think he would be quite fond of Guilty Gear. ______________________________________________________________ Leo: Leo likes to build and to tinker with things. So he's messing around with Minecraft Redstone, or creating some awkward machine in Besiege (remember when that was all the rage?). But Leo's absolute favorite (was a dead and relatively unknown mecha title until this month) is Armored Core. Armored Core is the perfect game for someone like Leo, spend hours and I mean hours, I'm not making that up, tinkering and tuning each and every fucking part of your mech...only to die, and having to do it all over again. And he loves every. fucking. second. of it.
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ryuichirou · 6 months
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Replies~
Hi! Here are some more replies. A couple of general ones, and then quite a lot twst and ships related~
Anonymous asked:
I always assumed it was the royal we. Honestly still probably gonna assume that for both of you, ya dropped this 👑 👑
Oh god 😭 Never expected us to become royalty, you’re too kind, Anon lol I should keep my ego in check!! But then again, the crown is so shiny and nice… Maybe I shouldn’t….
Katsu is going to end up managing both me and our kingdom lol
Anonymous asked:
So I just learned that creator of black butler also is also in charge of the main plan, main script AND character design for twisted wonderland and I was wondering if you knew that cause I aware that you're also into black butler so I just thought it was an  interesting fact
Yeah, of course! It was one of the reason we got so into TWST in the first place. Toboso is such a hard worker that loves her projects so much, it’s very inspiring and admirable. We love her writing a lot and wouldn’t be in twisted wonderland at all if it wasn’t for her, especially for her writing.
Anonymous asked:
I will always find Floyd calling Kalim 'Sea Otter' hilarious because otters are little shits and some of them even eat eels and octopus.
I had to google it, and oh my god you’re so right. There are so many images of sea otters eating both eels and octopuses, Kalim is HELLA DANGEROUS-
Floyd is usually so spot-on with his nicknames though, and with Kalim he just said something about him being cute. He… should know, right?
hipsterteller asked:
I saw the azul x idia pocky shame for Idia although I wonder if Crewel knows and does that to Trein
Crewel is definitely aware about the game; he is still quite a youngster after all. But I think it depends on his mood. If he is playful, he could tease Trein with the pocky thing, just to see him get confused, and then flustered, and then say something about Crewel being immature. He’ll still manage to make Trein play the pocky game with him though. Maybe after Trein loses to him in chess or something~
Anonymous asked:
RSA!Silver AU aka Silver's Harem of Boyfriends that he oblivious to having
He’s going to be so confused when people start calling him a cheater for being with so many guys at once :”(
Anonymous asked:
Wait if Neige is shipped w Vil and Epel does that mean he's a top
Yep! Well, to us he is. We haven’t thought much about anything nsfw with him yet though, but I guess the trope of a soft and gentle princessy prince works very well with him. (Especially if you play with the idea of him being unexpectedly and unintentionally creepy)
Anonymous asked:
Lol imagine the dwarves giving Epel a shovel talk when they find out that he kissed Neige.
That would be unexpected lol And funny.
Although I feel like the dwarves are going to do something worse than a shovel talk. They’re probably going to be so horribly, terribly, satanically nice and delightful about this whole thing, that Epel would think that he would rather have them threaten him for kissing their precious Neige. These guys are way too supportive, it’s messed up!!
Anonymous asked:
Ace has definitely walked in on FloJami fucking in the locker room after basketball practice more than once
Lucky Ace!! People don’t usually survive this one, but he managed to do it more than once?! – wow that sounds like a slogan for a movie...
I guess Floyd is doing such a great job at fucking Jamil that poor Jamil stopped noticing his surroundings. Truly impressive, as expected of our local sex machine lol
Or maybe Jamil did notice Ace? Then Ace had to sit through such an annoying lecture of paranoia-driven Jamil about how he can’t tell anyone about this… Siiiiiigh! Ace just wants people to stop having sex left and right. 😔
Anonymous asked:
How I imagine Ortho x Vil would go:
Ortho & Vil: *missing their own business on a date*
Random Person: So the rumors are true! Vil really is so desperate for a date and so lacking in options that he resorted to getting an AI boyfriend! How pathetic!
Ortho: Silence, Background Character!  *Uses his laser beam on them *
Vil: I appreciate the sentiment, but please don't make a habit of it. My reputation would take a big hit.
Awww, poor Ortho, no one lets him use his laser beam anymore :( He’s just trying to silence non-important people who have nothing nice to say~
Such a little yandere lol, I’m sorry Vil, you’ll have to get used to it.
Anonymous asked:
Woke up in the middle of the night with a burning question to send here, but alas, I forgor..... 🤔 well, goodnight 🚶‍♂️
LOL goodnight, Anon!! I hope you remember your burning question when you get some rest…
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idolsummons · 10 months
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Depression to Despair (Tez Couldn't Think of a Better Title)
Finally wrote the drabble about Ren bearing witness to an elder god summoning, enjoy ♥
Trigger warnings for depression, suicidal ideation, etc.
Note: I don't have depression or suicidal ideation, which features as a theme in this drabble. This was written for fun and not any kind of serious piece delving into the mindset of humans, what have you.
[Ren] wanna come over 2nite? Been working on a song
[Hana] I’d love to but I’ve already got something else on, sorry! :(
[Hana] Maybe tomorrow?
[Ren] yeah no prob
[Ren] what’s 2nite?
[Hana] Dinner with another idol and her manager, and my manager, get to know each other kinda thing. Thinking about a collab.
[Ren] have fun
[Hana] I’d have more fun at a dinner if it wasn’t for my strict diet lol
[Ren] gotta let lose sometimes
[Ren] go enjoy yourself
[Hana] Thanks, I’ll try to keep that in mind :) 
[Hana] See you tomorrow! <3
[Ren] see ya
Ren set his phone down on his bedside table.
There is no dinner.
She’s trying to spare my feelings but I know how she really feels.
She hates me. Why would anyone like Hana like a pathetic excuse of a human like me? It was stupid to ever try to get in touch in the first place. I should just stay out of everyone’s way and keep to myself.
Better yet, I should just -
‘Shut the fuck up,’ Ren grumbles. He rubs his hands over his face. It doesn’t help to get rid of the thoughts, but it’s better than doing nothing.
From the ground comes a gentle miaow. He removes his hands from his face and sees a familiar fluffy face.
‘Dinner time already, Jiji?’ The black cat meows again.
Ren gets up and proceeds to the kitchen, where he’s finally, after much rubbing up against his legs like she’s trying to make him fall, able to give Jiji her dinner consisting of raw meat. She starts eating straight away, paying no mind to Ren going outside to light up a cigarette.
Just hold on for one more night.
***
[Hana] Hey Ren! :) 
[Hana] Sorry about last night, you still free tonight?
[Ren] yeah
[Ren] still wanna come over?
[Hana] Yep!
[Ren] awesome
[Ren] come whenever u want
[Ren] anything u want 4 dinner?
[Hana] No thanks, I’ll eat before I leave :) 
[Ren] k
[Ren] see u soon
Despite his kind offer to cook (it might be that Hana refused the offer because he’s not the best chef out there), Ren himself does not eat; it would be too much of a hassle. Besides, Hana’s visiting has given him just enough energy to finally clean up. He doesn’t know how long it’s been, but clothes and various things have been strewn about without much care, and a thin layer of dust covers much of the furniture. He might not have time to clean everything, but he will do what he can.
***
Regardless of whether or not she’s singing those pop songs with mass appeal, Hana has a beautiful voice. Yes, it does seem to have been trained with pop music in mind - he would never ask her to sing rock, not that that’s his style - but he feels she could easily branch out into similar genres was she so minded. So enthralled with her performance is he (as he is every time) that Ren near forgets to stop the recording once she’s finished singing.
‘How’s that?’ Hana asks as she removes her headphones. Her cheery smile has Ren’s stomach twisting into knots. ‘That’s what you had in mind, yeah?’
‘Mind giving me a moment to listen back?’
‘Go for it.’ Hana takes her seat beside Ren.
Ren begins to hum after listening to the short recording a few times. ‘Almost,’ he replies, ‘but I’m gonna have to think about it. If I send you some notes overnight, would you come back tomorrow?’
‘Absolutely. I suppose I shouldn’t keep you then.’
‘You can stay for a while longer if you want. I don’t usually sleep till late anyway.’
Hana checks her phone. ‘It’s already 9, and I’ve got a busy day tomorrow. Better get some rest, y’know?’
‘Sure.’
Both Hana and Ren stand. They move from Ren’s small home recording studio to the front door.
‘I had fun tonight,’ says Hana. She wraps her arms around Ren, who reciprocates the embrace. He finds it difficult to let go, but doesn’t want to make the situation awkward. Once his arms are no longer around her, Ren opens the door. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow!’
‘See ya.’ Ren manages a small smile as Hana looks back to wave farewell.
She only comes here because she pities me.
Ren closes the door.
You think the most popular idol in the country doesn’t have better people to hang out with?
He moves to the bathroom.
I’m just some loser wishing I can make a living off my music, and that doesn’t seem likely.
He opens the cabinet and grabs a bottle of antidepressants. He holds the bottle tight in his hand for some time. He looks at the other medications - painkillers, mostly - which sit within the cabinet.
Why shouldn’t I grab all of these and just -
‘She’ll be back tomorrow.’
Ren removes the lid from the bottle and takes what he requires and nothing more. He puts the bottle back in the cabinet and closes the door.
***
[Hana] I’m really, really sorry Ren
[Hana] Something’s come up today. I won’t be able to make it to yours tonight.
[Hana] (┬┬﹏┬┬)
[Ren] don’t stress
[Ren] it’s fine
[Hana] Tomorrow for sure, yeah? :) 
[Hana] It’s a Saturday and I don’t have any shows so it’ll be fine!
[Hana] Unless they spring something on me last moment lol
[Ren] haha
[Ren] that’d be cruel
[Hana] Yeah lol
[Ren] c u tomorrow then
[Hana] Have a good day! :) 
After feeding Jiji, Ren returns to bed and does not move for the rest of the day, save to give the cat her dinner. His thoughts consume him, with only one ray of light shining through it all.
There’s always tomorrow.
***
[Hana] Ren you’re gonna hate me.
[Ren] they sprung a surprise show on u?
[Hana] Thankfully not that but
[Hana] I have something really important that came up last minute and I won’t be done in time to get to your place.
[Hana] And I know, it’s a Saturday, it’s fine to stay up late this once, but I promised to spend time with my family tomorrow and if I don’t get up early to go to church with them, my parents won’t be happy :( 
[Ren] you’re a busy person
[Ren] things like this happen
[Hana] You’re so understanding, I don’t deserve a friend like you <3
[Hana] I’d love to set a time aside but I can’t really do that because…
[Hana] Well, you’ve seen what’s happened these past few days :( 
[Ren] I’m home in the afternoons anyway
[Ren] just lemme know when u are coming and I’ll wait for u
[Hana] Thank you sooooo much <3
[Hana] (✿◠‿◠)
She’s making up excuses so she doesn’t have to see me. Even Miyu’s not so busy that she can’t set down a date. She’s done this so she never has to see you again. She’ll stop talking to you and then you won’t have a friend in the world.
What will be the point of it all then?
Ren manages to get out of bed. He gets dressed, but only barely, throwing on nothing but a basic shirt (it used to fit, but is now a size too big) and tracksuit pants.
Jiji sleeps happily upon her bed in the sun.
She’ll never notice.
Ren leaves via the front door.
He won’t be coming back.
***
There’s always people on the beach, even in this colder weather, whether playing around or walking their dogs. He’s used the hours to reflect - on himself, his life, those who have been closest to him over the years, on her. Every time he’s come to the same conclusion.
It’s pointless.
Nobody cares.
They won’t notice if you’re gone.
The sun is down before the beach is clear.
He walks down to the shore, stopping short of where the waves brush against his shoes.
The shoes are removed and placed beside him.
With one last deep breath, Ren begins to walk towards the depths.
He takes one look back at everything. At the sand, at the buildings in the distance, at…
‘Hana?’
Despite the fact that only the moon lights the beach, it’s impossible to miss her. Even were it not for the styling of her hair, purple streak on display, but he recognises her from her very build. Something seemingly bundled up is in her hands while she rushes across the beach, paying no mind to the man who stands knee deep in ocean water.
See? She’s not busy. She just didn’t want to spend time with you.
No, that’s not it. What’s she doing here? What’s she holding?
Ren waits until some distance has come between them and begins to follow behind her. His shoes remain at the shore.
It’s some 10 minutes before Hana and Ren arrive at the destination at the end of the beach. Ren keeps himself hidden within some shrubbery nearby; he does not wish to disturb whatever it is she’s doing.
Hana places her belongings on the sandy ground, save for the fabric which he had previously thought to be what kept her items bundled up; rather, it’s a robe which she dons rather quickly.
A pole - or so it seems to be from a distance - is taken from her belongings, and Hana begins to draw something in the sand. From his distance and viewpoint, Ren can’t begin to guess at what it might be.
Once complete, Hana picks up a book - better described as a tome for its size - and flips it open. She seems to look between the book and her drawing for a little while until she nods to herself. She must be satisfied with whatever she’s done.
Hana looks up into the sky, and Ren does, too. All he sees there is the moon. He’s not sure what kind of importance it plays in her task, but Ren observes Hana looking up at the moon for a while longer.
When she is finally done looking at the moon, she looks back towards her handiwork and dons a hood
She flips through the pages of her book once more and begins to say something. Ren isn’t sure what, but it seems almost like a chant.
Despite not being able to hear what she’s saying or see what she’s drawn, Ren feels a tightening in his stomach. It’s not the kind he feels when spending time with Hana, nor when he receives a message from her. It’s an unease which isn’t common to him, for unease is oft replaced with depression, and depression usually comes with a feeling of emptiness which he’s all too familiar with.
It’s what brought him here this night, after all.
Rather, he gets the feeling he should run, that he should forget all that he has seen here, but his overwhelming curiosity keeps him planted on the spot. He wants to know what Hana is doing, what was so important that she didn’t wish to spend time with someone she was so adamant is her friend.
When Hana finishes chanting, nothing happens. He begins to ponder if this was all just some strange kind of rehearsal, maybe she got a part in a show or a movie and is trying to get into character, or maybe -
A dark light explodes from Hana’s drawing in the sand.
‘What the fuck?’ Ren says too loudly, like he was expecting the explosion of light to be accompanied by an appropriate amount of sound.
Hana looks back. Her eyes are wide.
‘Ren?’ Her mouth is ajar. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’
He doesn’t have time to ask any questions, nor time to even formulate such things in his mind. Before he can so much as blink the light dissipates, leaving behind something which Ren does not remember.
The last thing he does remember is darkness.
***
‘It was probably another suicide attempt.’
Ren does not open his eyes. Along with the wavering voice of his mother, obviously trying so hard not to cry, Ren can hear the gentle beeps of a heart rate monitor.
‘This wouldn’t be the first time… but usually he’s not - he -’
‘He’s been talking in his sleep,’ says an unfamiliar voice. ‘Do you know if that’s normal?’
‘Oh…’ his mother mumbles. ‘About what?’
‘We couldn’t really make any sense of it. Something hideous, taller than the trees…’
Ren’s eyes shoot open.
‘It’s coming.’
His mother and the unfamiliar woman - a doctor or a nurse - looks over.
‘Ren!’ His mother rushes to his bedside. She puts a hand to his forehead, rubbing her thumb over his skin. ‘What is it, baby?’
‘That… That thing.’ He speaks quickly, to the point where his words become jumbled. ‘It came from the beach, and - and it devoured the moon.’
The staff furrows her brow.
Ren’s mother stops the motion with her thumb. ‘What is it? You can tell me.’
‘You won’t… you won’t understand. I don’t understand, Mum. It was… was everywhere but nowhere, not of this world…’
‘You just had a bad dream is all. It’s okay, Mum’s here now.’
‘No, no, it wasn’t a dream. I saw it.’
Silence fills the room for too long, before his mother finally speaks up. ‘One of your friends wanted to see you, too. She seemed quite keen about it, too. I’ll wait outside and come back once she’s done, okay?’ She tries a kind smile, but her eyes are filled with tears. ‘I’ll get you something to eat from the cafe.’
Ren’s mother and the staff leave the room. The one who enters next is…
‘No.’ But the word does not leave his mouth. ‘No, no, no, no, no.’
‘Ren.’ Hana’s voice is shaky. She kneels beside his bed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…’ Tears flowing down her cheeks are followed by sobbing.
‘Get out,’ he says, but it’s unclear whether the words reach her ears or not. ‘Get out!’
Though Hana remains, crying and apologising and desperately trying to make it all up to him, Ren has never felt more alone in his life.
Anguish and despair are his only roommates, his only bedfellows, his only headmates.
It feels that this will last an eternity, beyond even his demise.
Ending this suffering would be a mercy, but ending it all is no longer a present thought.
All that remains is the fuzziness of the night prior and what will surely be a lifetime of madness.
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blueluigi118 · 3 months
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Venting because I'm severely pissed.
Clear by my profile I'm an avid Dva player and I know how to play her.
I was playing with my sunshine today, and he asks me to play Dva because recently I've been afraid because the games have been completely ass.
So our first game, we win the first round because of me and our Pharah starts talking as if they're better than the enemy (who happens to have a pocket) whilst they have literally just 2k dmg. Whatever, idiot but I'll let it slide. So naturally we lose second and they have the GUTS to try and tell me to swap.
Neither of our dps are playing hitscan, my man is forced to Bap because they won't, he is getting completely diffed by the enemy Pharah, and I'm doing both the dps's dmg combined AND mitigated more, I'm the only reason we have a shot because the only one countering the Pharmercy is me and my partner. I'm a t500 tank. I know how to play Dva. I OTP her for Christ's sake. Wanna know this Pharah otp's rank?
Gold.
We lost that game, I had 12k blocked and 13k mit, I told this moron to never try to teach me again, and then, guess what? Yep, next game, he's on the enemy team whilst I'm on dps. Friendly reminded I'm not that great at aiming. I'm on Ashe. We wipe the floor. Lmao.
To add salt to the wound, we went for one last game because I wanted to play Dva. We got this guy, Stich, yeah I'm calling you out dickhead, who thought it would be a great idea to try and pin the blame on me, calling my account 'bought' (nobody else has ever played on my account before ever, not even for fun) and all that dumb shit etc. Hun, their Tracer is 20-0 LOL, I'm peeling the entire game because your 'gm1' dumbass is so bad at positioning and so unaware of anything you can't kill them. Of course my dear duo has been trying to comfort and cheer me up all night because both of us know I'm not the one in the wrong (and buddy, I watched the reply, don't sit there and tell me you're gm1 and you're playing like that lmao, '4800 peak' lying out your arse moron that's PRO SR you fucking brainless dipshit), but I'm still incredibly annoyed so, ranting to let it off. I know I'm not wrong lmao but it's so shit to have people randomly start talking smack in QUICK PLAY games and trying to act like they know better than you. For the love of God people, please just be kind to those you're playing with, it costs nothing, and it makes you not a spineless loser.
On another note, I'd love to post anything Dva related and my ama's are open, appreciate anyone who stumbles across this and can sympathise with me. If you're getting attacked or deal with toxicity too, send a question, I'll listen. I know how it feels. Stop attacking other people, I didn't say a word to you until you decided to speak. I can't begin to even count how many people have told me to kill myself over a VIDEO GAME. If you're gonna be a toxic arse, please stop talking in chat.
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Text
[Video transcript begin.]
[It starts out as most do, from the front pocket of someone’s shirt, they appear to be walking down the sidewalk in Lostfield, normal chatter can be heard on the left hand side of the person. A quiet metallic scraping can be heard, as something drags behind the person.]
?: Look, all I’m sayin’ is that maybe if they put wood chips in the coffee it’d taste a little better.
[Voice identified: Edgar.]
?: Maybe, to be honest I don't drink a lot of coffee.
[Voice identified: Ness.]
E: Hm, yeah. I’ve noticed. 
Ne: Heyyy! What's that supposed to mean!
[Ness pretends to sound upset, before laughing for 10 seconds.]
E: God, I thought I’d actually upset you for a moment there! Don’t do that!
[His tone is playful, he chuckles.]
Ne: Oh! I just remembered after this walk I need to meet Marina at the hospital. Rose is finally being moved out of ICU so I don't have to sneak around to visit!
E: Wha– why didn’t anyone tell me about that? I feel like I have the right to know!
Ne: In my defense I thought someone already told you… Then I forgot soooooo...
E: Ugh, I can’t blame you for that. 
[A ding, as Edgar receives a text message.]
E: Huh? 
[He pulls his phone out to read the text message. He stops walking after a few seconds.]
Ne: Everything good?
[Edgar places his phone back in his front pocket, hefting the crowbar he brought with him off the sidewalk. His tone losing all positive emotion, the intensity of his words felt through the recording. He turns to face Ness.]
E: No.
Ne: What's wrong?
E: So. You know about Liam’s stepfather. Right?
[Ness lifts a baseball bat up on her shoulder, now sounding anxious as she speaks.]
Ne: What did that asshole do?
[Edgar clears his throat, laughing slightly out of anger.]
E: He apparently cornered Liam and Leon in an alley. And he broke Liam’s arm. 
Ne: ARE THEY OK? WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
E: Leon said he’s on his way to the hospital, don’t worry. I’m more concerned with where Jason is.
[Ness drops the bat off her shoulder, grabbing the handle in between her fingers, the top of the bat hits the ground with a thud.]
Ne: We gonna beat his ass?
E: Mhm. Let’s go. 
Ne: Aye aye captain!
E: Leon told me the street name, he might still be there, follow me.
Ne: Yep! 
[Ness begins humming a tune as both her and Edgar begin walking once again. This time Edgar is walking with absolute rage in every step, each stride fast and large, causing Ness to have to jog next to him to keep up.]
[They carry on in silence for a bit, until they approach an empty street near the woods.]
E: Where the fuck is he.
Ne: I don't know, but I hate being anywhere near that damn forest… I swear when I got my job here on my way home I would hear something singing… And screaming.
E: Er, yeah. I, um. That… never mind. We need to focus. 
?: Well! 
[Voice identified: Jason.]
[Edgar whips around at the sound of Jason’s voice.]
Ne: [Whispering.] Who the fuck?
J: Didn’t expect to ever see you again, Edgar. I honestly thought you died! Would've been better if you did.
E: [Muttering.] Fucking hell… I didn’t know that it was this Jason.
Ne: Is that the asshole we've been looking for?
E: Hell yeah, he is. And he’s much more of an asshole than previously thought.
J: I’m right here! Come on, talk to me like a man, you pussy! 
Ne: Do me a favor. Shut up you limp dick bitch we're having a conversation. 
J: Oh, how pathetic, you’re going to let a girl do all the talking for you? Weak.
Ne: Don't call me a girl with that tone. I will curb stomp your bitch ass.
[As Ness speaks, Jason mocks her by moving his hand like a mouth with each word she says.]
J: Yeah, yeah, bitch. Whatever. I’m not talking to you, so shut the fuck up. 
[Ness clears her throat.]
Ne: Edgar. permission to strike?
E: … Not yet. I have a few things to say to this man. Would you mind taking my phone? 
Ne: No problem, This will make for a fun story to tell Rose later. 
[Edgar silently hands his phone to Ness, taking a few steps towards Jason. The two are similar in height, but Edgar appears to tower over him, somehow. He takes a few more steps forward, revealing a pair of black 1 inch platform shoes.] 
E: Jason Druller. You have a lot of nerve to talk about me being pathetic. Remember back in high school when you bullied someone to the point of throwing himself off a roof?
[Jason attempts to respond, but is interrupted by Edgar once again. Who has begun a slow circle around Jason.]
E: Let me refresh your memory. Zach, my best friend. He’s dead because of your actions. And you call me pathetic. For shame, Jason.
J: The little freak deserved it. 
[Edgar stops walking. Leaning in close to Jason.]
E: What did you just say?
J: I SAID the disgusting f[REDACTED] fucking deserved it!
E: That’s what I was hoping you’d say. 
[Edgar wastes no time in drawing his hand back, and punching Jason in the face.]
Ne: BEAT HIS ASS!
[He turns to look at Ness, and gives her a thumbs up, but Jason is already recovering behind him. The other man winds up to retaliate.]
Ne: BEHIND YOU!
[Edgar’s eyes widen, and he turns around just in time to duck under the punch, sending Jason forward, his excess momentum almost knocking him over.]
[He knees him in the gut, causing the other to fall to his knees. Holding his ribs. He coughs violently.]
J: Is that all you’ve got? I expected more of you! Also, it wasn’t even me who broke Liam’s arm, you know!
Ne: Can I keep my promise and stomp this bitch into the ground? Please Please Pleaseeeee!
E: Wait. In a second. What do you mean, it wasn’t you?
J: I never usually recruit women to help me, but she insisted on helping me teach that fucking brat a lesson. I didn’t break Liam’s arm, that doesn’t mean I didn’t hurt him at all, though. I did hurt the other guy pretty bad.
Ne: Edgar, do we get to beat up two people? I can explain to Rose why I'm late pretty easily.
[Edgar turns to Ness, his eyebrows creased inwards, Jason makes a break for it into the woods.]
E: SHIT. 
Ne: OH NAH! GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER!
[He sprints into the forest after Jason, running somewhat faster than Ness. When she catches up after a few seconds, he has already found Jason. Who appears to be kneeling on the ground.]
E: The hell even was your plan there? You know you can’t outrun me. 
[Jason leaps up from his spot, a stick in his left hand. Edgar stares at it, wide eyed. He stumbles backwards, someone catches him and puts him in a chokehold before he can recover. He glances at Ness, and tries to speak, but nothing comes out except strangled sounds.]
J: Finally. Now I can take out the weaker target. 
Ne: Great. There's two of you? Meh, that's fine… You can both get your asses kicked before I go see Rose!
J: Oh, right. You’re a f[REDACTED] too. Figures! 
Ne: You think that affects me? So what! I like boys and girls, got an issue with that?
?: I knew they were infecting him, Jason! You need to get rid of her!
[Voice identified: Gloria.]
[Jason lunges at Ness, the sharp end of the stick aimed directly for her eye.]
[Ness ducks under, hitting Jason in the gut with the baseball bat before hopping up.]
Ne: MISSED ME! You should be more careful dude, you could poke an eye out with that!
J: Shut the fuck up, you r[REDACTED]! 
Ne: Dude chill out! Want a fuckin snickers or something?
[Out of frame, there is a loud struggle, Ness turns to look. Edgar can be seen attempting to break free of Gloria’s hold, he manages to shout one thing.] 
E: NESS! HE HAS A– Ghk!
[Gloria regains her grip.]
Ne: HE HAS A WHAT?
[More fighting, Edgar manages to kick Gloria’s legs out from under her. The two landing on the ground, he shouts one more thing before returning to the fight.]
E: GUN! HE HAS A FUCKING GUN!
Ne: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE HAS A GUN?
E: THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT– LOOK OUT!
[A loud gunshot, and a scream. Ness falls to the ground.]
Ne: SON OF A BITCH!
E: NESS! 
[A mess of shouting, as Edgar manages to overpower Gloria, he sprints over to Ness.]
[Something clatters to the ground at the same time as a loud swoosh. Edgar kneels down next to Ness.]
Ne: I- OW! F- Fuck, am I gonna be ok?
E: Yeah– yeah. you’re going to be okay. You’ll be fine. I–
Ne: I REALLY WANT TO CURB STOMP THAT BITCH!
E: Ness, you might have to– Ugh, never mind. That’s not going to stop y–
[Edgar is interrupted as Jason whacks him in the side with the same stick. He sits there for a moment, before standing up.]
[Ness begins trying to remove her jacket, only visible through slight glimpses as she tries to keep hold of the phone.]
J: I’d suggest admitting defeat, Edgar. You’ve lost! You can’t win! I’m just better, I always have been!
E: Do everyone a favor and close your jaw before I rip it off of your head.
Ne: [Whispering.] I'm gonna see Rose… one way or another. I promised her…
J: Hm? Threatening me? That’s rich. You’re just saying things, hoping I’ll surrender. Not happening! You disgust me, encouraging that gross behavior, killing the man I once saw in Liam. Replacing it with a WOMAN. He’s gone soft!
E: Jason, the only thing that’s soft around here is your dick. 
[Before Jason can respond, Edgar tackles Jason, the crowbar in his hands horizontally, the two landing out of frame. Their fight can be heard from where Ness is.]
Ne: [Mumbling.] Ok… Ok ness get up… G- gotta get up…
[As Ness speaks to herself, the fighting gets more intense, the two throwing insults back and forth rapidly, Jason’s cannot be repeated by the software.] 
Ne: [Mumbling.] S- something to get up with… Anything…
[Ness sets the phone down against a tree, using one hand to apply pressure to her gunshot wound the other to wrap a jacket around it, as she ties it she screams in pain before using the tree to slowly stand up. She moves the phone over, Edgar and Jason can now be seen in frame.]
[The two are no longer on the ground, now standing up further away. Edgar kicks Jason in the crotch, sending the man to the ground. He attempts to crawl over to the gun, away from the camera. Edgar stops him easily. Holding his crowbar high.]
E: Ness, look away.
Ne: No. This asshole shot me… So I don't think I will.
E: I mean it, Ness. Look. Away. 
Ne: F– fine…
[As Edgar has this conversation with Ness, Jason grabs something out of his pocket. He jabs it into Edgar’s leg, he shouts in pain, and finally drives the crowbar into Jason’s head. Edgar tugs on it. Jason’s corpse flops over. The crowbar stays.]
E: Ew.
[Ness screams in terror before ultimately throwing up out of frame, the noise being the only thing the recording can really hear. She falls to the ground in front of the phone, holding the bullet wound, sobbing.]
[Edgar turns to Ness, then back to the crowbar, he places one foot on Jason's shoulder, and yanks on the crowbar. It comes out with a small bit of blood. The corpse once again flops over. He jogs up to Ness.]
E: Are you alright?
Ne: [Muttering.] I just watched someone die… I know he deserved it but… I… I've never seen someone die in person… What the FUCK!
E: I told you to look away, Ness. I didn’t want you to have to see that. 
Ne: I need to go… I need to see Rose…
[Ness attempts to stand up, only to fall right back down screaming in pain.]
E: Woah, hey. Easy. Jeez, we need to get you to the hospital…
Ne: [Muffled.] That’s where I was going… so I guess it works out.
[Another gunshot, without a scream or shout. The bullet missed.]
E: Wha– oh. Right. Gloria.
[A yelp, followed by footsteps. Gloria sprints into the forest.]
E: Fuck! We– Damn it. 
Ne: I mean… We both have pretty good alibis if we just say we were both just walking around… And with marina's help… Wouldn't be the first time Marina kept me out of legal trouble.
E: It’s not that part that I’m worried about. Jason said that she broke Liam’s arm, not him. I don’t think he’s safe as long as she’s out there.
Ne: Shit… You're right… Also you just killed her husband… So lord knows what she's gonn- OW OW SON OF A BITCH OW!
E: Alright, we’ve gotta get you to the hospital, like, now. We can’t dawdle here for much longer. 
Ne: Yeah… Christ… Call someone I don't have my phone…
E: Alright. I… Ness. I’m really sorry that you saw… all of that. I didn’t mean to, uh… go that far. 
Ne: Dude… It’s fine I was just caught off guard… I just want to go see Rose…
E: Yep, yeah. Okay, got it. I might try to visit as well. 
[Edgar takes his phone and opens it up, the view changing to his legs, a small-ish knife stuck into the side of one, somehow going completely unnoticed. He begins to type out a message, before stopping.]
E: No… are you fucking kidding me?
Ne: what now?
E: There’s been a fucking transcript going for... god knows how long. I… fucking hell.
Ne: Are you fuckin' kidding m- OW GOD DAMNIT!
[Before turning the transcript off, Edgar moves to try and support Ness, his own wounds going unnoticed once more.]
[Transcript end.]
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theskyexists · 9 months
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Found out the curse of chalion has a sequel!!! Very well-written of course.
Romances in it always a bit questionable I thought. Very much so. Based in basically nothing and also huge age gap. And now again though less pronounced and the writer makes the girl lose the race just to infuriate the guy because he didn't actually win that way. Why not JUST LET HER WIN. Why not make it clean why do these dynamics have to be fraught and shit. I know the society is sexist but my god.
I guess winning wouldn't have hammered home that he was being a stupid ass. But damn. If this writer pairs Liss off with Ferda OR Foix though Foix might be better, I will certainly have to idk. Be mad about it
Why should Ferda fetch Liss when she's been given LEAVE
But anyway, the god talk is much heavier and less subtle but still such a pleasing system that I like it.
Loving how cynical and bitter Ista is about the gods. And they sure deserve it!
WOW!!! THE ACTION HIT AND IT WAS GREAT!!!!
Now THIS romance is looking better.
DY LUTEZ!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!
Does suck that the best characters, Liss, Dy Cabon and even Foist are split off from the pov
NOOOOOO HES MARRIED
Well... The bastard seems weirdly sexually harrassy
WHEN!!!! ARE WE GETTING A LESBIAN UP IN HERE!!!!
Ista is VERY taken with Liss. More taken with her than anyone ever - she enjoys her spirit her body her wits her energy and even her voice. When she hates everybody else or is indifferent to them lol. But I guess she just gotta find the man who makes her laugh -_-
Truly we got the Bastard but zero lesbians.
Is she really gonna get her romance with Illvin...
Yeah... The brothers trade life-time...ah Catti can manipulate Arhyns body this way...
So Illvin. Some random dude in bed is gonna be the man who makes her laugh cos he's smart and makes jokes.
Yep I knew it. Arhys took the dagger and Catti transferred the wound to Illvin. Does Arhys know though. Probably not.
Damn what is Ista thinking. Clearly Illvin is talking about sorcery. The woman had a demon and attempted to rape Arhys then marry him with magic - but Illvin prevented it. Then somehow the knife got into Arhys
The narrative seems to scoff at Catti for her grief - as something childish. Illvin nor Arhys cries. As though losing your most beloved brother is nothing. Maybe in a world where the afterlife is proven beyond doubt it really is almost nothing...
Glad Ista continues to rightfully criticise the fucking gods
Foix really is a fool for using his magic and quadruple the fool to not consider it a terrible fucking violation to meddle with Liss's mind for his own sexual benefit. God fucking damn. Why the fuck does he need to be told this. He was supposed to be smart
Once again, Ista and every other character spits on Catti for her grief. They don't see her strength of will and willingness to go to the very ends for Arhys or her emotion as anything but an annoyance and unwise. Even Ista who recognises it as her own, is repulsed by it. The narrative never considers whether Catti might indeed be brave and deeply human for doing everything in her power to keep the man she loves alive.
I would. Has the author ever felt real grief - to present it with such disdain ?
They don't even bind her wound.
This is less well-written than the first book. Not because of the attitude towards grief but because of the languid pace
When is Ista going to realise any kind of fucking power to stand up against these damn sorcerers. If they can snap bowstrings, start fires etc. Then they can bring down the fortress no problem
If all your shit starts breaking and rotting and rusting and becoming sick you're pretty much done for in a siege
Everybody is dying before anyone even started fighting in ONE DAY
So I guess author needed Ista to be depressed for Illvin to shoot his shot. But damn. Why is he the one to be like: hey maybe your sight could be USEFUL. She made a point of it herself that Arhys could not be touched by magic. There's so much repetition in this also, as though the reader cannot be trusted, though the dialogue is pleasant.
What. Ista didn't even give Catti any time to reconsider. What the fuck. I HATE how the main character and the author treat her. Give her a choice but not the patience to parse it, to work through her grief, to grab on to the very last thing she can. FUCK these people. FUCK ista and fuck the author. She really HASNT experienced grief the way Catti has. Bitch
I don't like it as much : how the gods work through Ista as they did through Cazaril. Because Cazaril was unaware and he chose wholly by himself it seemed..while Ista is poked and prodded and gifted all the time. Here she simply meets a god who gives her a gift and all is solved.
How can she intimidate demons so much when she doesn't seem to be able to make any good on her threats.
In a world where dying is coming home to your benevolent parents - it would indeed be silly to fight so enormously in the face of death as Catti does. She didn't even let her say goodbye. Only because she couldn't instantly switch tracks. What a fucking bitch. The kid is only in her early twenties
But now they haven't even tied her up even though she's a goddamn sorcerer
In a way, this sure seems a kinder way of doing war...
Ah yes the ligature and ability to direct life energy.
Kind of annoyed and sad that the Bastard is such a fucking perv
She's like: Liss you shouldn't come bc your soul will get eaten. But let's Illvin come...
Again, a bit sad that Ista"s main opponents are relentlessly other women who she disdains for one or other reason. Wouldn't be a problem of course if there were so many others whom she might respect
I understand Arhys wanted a good death in battle but dude...if they'd NOT attacked the sorcerers and instead had Ista take Joens demon and its tied demons then the sorcerers might have all lived. I guess Ista needed her soul dilated first by the Father of Winter or something. Before she could ... Eat souls? Why would that be?
Creepy how the Bastard implies the gods drink human souls.
Somehow she perfectly saved Catti's soul but not these.
???? She leaves Foix's demon?????
Ista somewhere along the way went from: I FUCKING HATE THE GODS AND I CANT EVEN ESCAPE THEM IN DEATH. To : to become a ghost and disappear is awful - never considering it for herself. And wanting the Bastards heaven.
FOIX actually achieved demon balance??? So that's fucking possible??? By not plundering its power or getting eaten? So all along it was possible for the demon to exist in the world without it eating a soul dead?
So only the men fell sick? And the women could do archery all along?
There's also how sordso the sot is made fun of for his poetry ...would be good if they could convert the whole of Jokona to the Quintarian model. The extreme gender roles in this do sit a little URGK with me especially because they are almost cosmologically prescribed.
Guess my god would be the Bastard, because I couldn't even BE a dedicat of the Daughter - as thats for ...men. lol. At least the warriors. Don't know what other dedicats are out there.
There's a pronunciation guide. I never really have trouble with pronunciation I always feel like Dutch makes fantasy pronunciation and also approximations of Japanese pronunciation very easy and intuitive.
Fascinating really that their solution for stopping the war is now to continue the war and defeat the Roknari. Why not aim for another marriage... It's the same argument Hero made - that only Empire can bring peace. But that is such fucking bullshit...but maybe peace is a lie.
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xtinyslip · 1 year
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@lcvenderhcze​ continued from here.
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“yep. fucking knew it, it was just gonna’ piss me off.” sure, zeke couldn’t deny that he wasn’t always the most level-headed when it came to certain situations but he always got the results he needed. a lot of the officers out there might have thought he was a let down but he always got his fucking guy and fuck them anyway. the majority of those still left were a bunch of corrupt fuckers that he didn’t have the time of day for anyway. “i don’t need to be taught some valuable lesson here. okay? i just wanna’ do my job. that’s it.” preferably without having to constantly look over his shoulder but with his ex partner around... it looked like that wasn’t going to be changing any time soon. zeke let out an audible sigh when she told him to cut the crap but it was more of what she said after that he was sighing at. sighing because she was right. as usual. “what do you want me to say? huh? i watched everyone i give a shit about die. fucking horribly.” that wasn’t okay. his hand moved to rub at the back of his neck when she mentioned his father. now he truly was the disappointment his father always thought he was. “but i... i got this ang. you can trust me. alright? i’m not gonna’ fucking lose it. even if half those fuckers out there deserve it." he had her back as much as she had his and he never wanted that to change. “yeah, you. it’s you and me.” that was about right because there wasn’t anyone else he trusted as much as he did her. for sure. yeah, there was stuff he had learned. shit he didn’t like but right now? there was bigger shit to worry about and they’d get to that stuff later. “someone’s got it out for you? the fuck? i’ll nail that fucker to the staff noticeboard when i find him.” oh, he would. “the weather lady?” well, it was a fucking relief it didn’t have will’s m.o stabbed all over it. still, not ideal. “so i get the thumbs up from bos i’m good to get into this shit?” because he needed something.
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127
What’s the best part about flying? the view
Who did you last have a deep and meaningful conversation with? my fiance about several things
Any vacations planned? I wish man! we can’t afford it right now, plus he’s too booked for jobs coming up through work so he can’t take off anytime soon :(
Which friend have you known the longest? Jake (all my life literally, mom went to school with his dad) and Collin (since I was 8 in 2000)
Do you have a Facebook? yep
What do you want for Christmas? not sure yet, too far down the line .
How many people have you liked this year? like, like like? only my fiance
Do you have any celebrity crushes? yeah a few lol
Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? in certain circumstances yeah, but it depends on the situation and the person. 
Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? many...
How many email accounts do you have? several, most of which I can’t login to anymore so it’s just my main Yahoo one, my Google, and my Apple ones
Who is the best cook in your family? mom first for sure, but my dad and stepmom are real good too
Which baby animal is your favorite? oh god...definitely puppies with the puppy breath and their little yips, kittens with the little high pitched mews! most animals are adorable as babies!
Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr! 
Favorite YouTuber? ooooh Markiplier, AmaLee, LayedBakDFR, Harry Mack, MissLDN, Knox Hill, Karl Smallwood, Chris Ramsay to name some
Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? no thank god, I have enough trauma of what I grew up with and I pray to god I never fall into that same pattern...thankfully my fiance is nothing like that
Was your first kiss romantic? meh it was alright 
Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? mom back in 2019 on a two month visit from CO
What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? I’d be shocked but fully supportive 
How many people has your best friend had sex with? ummm I don’t know? I never thought to ask lol
When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? about a month or two ago just checkin in on him, we’re still friends 
Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? no
Do your siblings text you? every now and then my stepsister and I text just to catch up and check in
Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? yeah
Who is your ex dating/talking to? he’s married and has a stepdaughter (her daughter from previous relationship)
Who did you last pinky promise with? no idea, haven’t done that since I was a kid
Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? I’m an only child so no
What happened at the last party you went to? I can’t remember the last time I was at a party other than holiday get togethers
Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? no
In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? that’s complicated...
Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? unimaginably terrified, yes...
Does anyone know your Facebook password? no
Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? not septum but I have wanted a nose ring before like the little stud or ring on the side, not the middle
What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? the abuse I witnessed and endured all my life growing up with my parents, along with continued abuse just less physical with my dad and stepmom, anything self harm or suicide cause it’s severely triggering for me given my history of both, certain past fuck ups I’ve made that ended up very bad, anything regarding animal or child abuse breaks my heart.
What was the last thing you cleaned? filled several trash bags and took em out
What’s something you have been putting off? getting this basal cell looked at before it got to this point. I put it off for years and now I’m really paying the price for it with an upcoming surgery, which will need additionally surgeries after for skin grafts due to the size of it, the spot it’s at, and depending how deep they’re gonna have to go to get all of it...
What restaurants do you frequently eat at? mostly fast food, Wawa, and a few local restaurants mostly Italian
Do you like banana pudding with a lot of bananas or more vanilla wafers? love anything banana! I love more bananas than the wafers
How many books would you guess you’ve read in the last 5 years? none, I’ve gotten several but would just start it and leave it without finishing...I gotta get back into reading
What was the last message you sent? ‘Kk’ to my fiance yesterday when he told me he’d be a bit late coming home from work cause he was in a meeting
Is it currently warm where you are? yeah it reached 90 degrees today woohoo!
Have you ever fallen out of bed? not that I remember
What do you like on your hot dogs or burgers? burgers - cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, bacon. I’ll occasionally have em with mustard on it if it comes like that.
hot dogs - ketchup, chopped onions, sauerkraut 
Are you currently listening to anything? yeah I have ID on in the background and I’m jamming to music
What’s something you like that is blue? a bright sunny sky, the ocean especially where the water’s crystal clear blue, sapphires, blue eyes like mine but I love people who have those ice blue eyes that are so light 
Have you ever traveled alone? yeah many times
Would you say you are toxic in any way? I don’t want to be but everything I touch, everywhere I go, everyone I meet or love goes to shit in pieces and the more I try to fix the pieces, they shatter more and get worse...so yeah, I’d say so...
What’s one of your favorite memories from the past year? this past year has been absolute fucking hell so can’t really think of any...
What are some books you’d recommend to someone? Willow by Julia Hoban, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green, Harry Potter series by JK Rowling, The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, Speak by Laurie Anderson, Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher...
Are you a gold digger? hell no
Describe the last dream you had: I can’t really...this past three weeks I’ve had such the most vivid and terrifying nightmares that felt so real it’s terrifying me to death because I can feel it during and when I jump awake that they mean something and I can’t figure out what but I know it’s gonna be bad...
Have you ever been screwed over relationship-wise? Explain: I’d rather not explain because it’s too triggering for me and I’m not spending the last night with my fiance before he has to go back to this job in New Zealand tomorrow until a week into May in that mindset...but yes. it took years to be able to even function normally from it, and almost cost me my life cause I got real close to suicide...that enough?
Have you ever danced in the moonlight? not that I remember
Have you ever been with someone but wanted to be with someone else? yeah
What did you do last night? just hung home with my fiance, DoorDashed dinner from Chili’s, had some ‘quality time’ and went to sleep eventually
Do you have a significant other? If you do, are you kind of crushing on someone else? yes, my fiance Zach and hell no he’s my one and only
Have you ever had a threesome? no, don’t feel comfortable with that
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servin-up-surveys · 2 years
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survey #065
Favorite South Park character? I don't watch it. The super immature-type humor isn't for me. What are your views on abortion? I am entirely pro-choice. Does your dad barbecue a lot? I don't live with my dad. It was rare back when my parents were together, but it would happen now and then. Who’s your favourite character from one of your favourite books? I remember I really liked Dally in The Outsiders. What are some of your interests? Animals, art (like photography, drawing, writing, etc.), video games, reading, music (specifically metal), science stuff...
What is your favorite animal? Meerkats of course, but I am also really into opossums, tarantulas, and snakes. Who is the last person you sent a Facebook message or comment? My friend Baylee. She wanted me to shoot her upcoming wedding, but she was letting me know that she was calling off the wedding and we talked for a while about that. She's going through it right now and I really hope this all goes well. She hasn't told her fiance yet... Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? No, that would REALLY creep me out. Have you ever hit on a teacher? Nope. Do you know what an "AMV" is? Yep, used to make 'em sometimes. Would you rather be a bird or a fish? Bird, for sure. What is your favorite type of muffin? I actually really like blueberry muffins. Chocolate chip is good, too. What is the background on your computer? The background and lock screen are both pictures of meerkats. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom, very closely followed by Girt. Have you ever cheated on someone without them finding out about it? No, because I don't cheat to begin with. Was the last person you kissed male or female? Male. Who were you with the last time you went swimming? Just Mom at the gym. Who was the last letter you wrote addressed to? Jason. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? Of fucking course I do. I cannot fathom how deniers even exist. I'll never forget in high school we actually had a man who survived it talk about it in front of the students. I still remember how fucking disrespectful a lot of people were, murmuring and just in general not paying attention. Does it ever bother you when you see someone damaging the environment? Yes, in fact it really fucking pisses me off. Do you listen to OTEP? Oh my god, someone who knows who they are. Yeah, they're high on the favorites list. I have a tattoo of the lyrics "perfectly flawed" by them. Why were you last in a hospital? I was suicidal. Has anyone ever told you that you have a cute nose? Yes, actually. When was the last time you wrestled? I dunno, I'm sure it was sometime with Girt though. Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Well I'm listening to Rammstein, so Till Lindemann's. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Yeah, shouldn't have done things I have on someone else's bed. What are the names of all the people you have dated? Aaron, Juan, Jason, Tyler, Sara, and Donald. What do you like better: Dr Pepper or Pepsi? Dr. Pepper; I'm a Coke person, not Pepsi. I don't like drinking Dr. Pepper if I haven't had my antacid med that day though, because it causes it BAD otherwise. How do you like to eat your eggs, if you like them at all? Scrambled with cheese. Gonna have to start trying some new stuff soon though, I'm starting a high-protein diet with this weight loss program I took up yesterday and it sounds like eggs are gonna be a very common thing to eat with how picky I am. What color of eyes attracts you most? Sapphire blue. Do you drink lots of water? I used to drink pretty much literally none, but back onto the diet thing, I'm trying real hard to just suck a lot down. When was the last time you were really grossed out? Earlier when scrolling through Facebook. I didn't WANT to abruptly see a rhino give birth, but I did lmao. Have you ever worn a belly shirt in public? No, not even when I was fit. That's a level of confidence I don't have. Where is your significant other? He's at work. Did your last ex try to get back together with you after the break-up? No, *I* was actually the one who talked to her once about trying to be a couple again, but she declined. Nowadays I'm glad, lol. If you were paralyzed from the neck down, would you still want to continue living? Why or why not? NO NO NO NO NO NO. This is like my biggest fucking fear ever and why I'm horrified of driving. I would 120% rather be dead. Have you ever known anyone with an eating disorder? I do know someone recovered from I believe bulimia. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I am fucking HORRIBLY self-conscious of my body. So much so that even after all this time my boyfriend has barely (if at all) "seen" most clothed parts of me. I don't even let him touch my legs under clothes. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Yeeeaaah, as a mean kid. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? There are three big contenders here: Brownie, the moose plush I got from Cabela's in Ohio and slept with most of my childhood; the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me named Rebel; and a cute little bat that Jason's now-deceased mother gave me. Do you have any trophies? Yeah, somewhere. Have you ever been in a talent show? Nope. Have you ever won a contest? A few. Do you like screamo music? No. Does your family have a secret? I don't think so. What do you like about the lead singer from your favorite band? As for Ozzy, he's... Ozzy, ha ha. I think that is a perfectly acceptable answer. For Rammstein, I love how gentle and kind of a human Till really is. One of my favorite things I've ever read was an adorable quote from an interview about how he was contemplating getting rid of his "fishies" because he's never home and it's dark in there with all the shades closed and just oh my god he's so pure and also simultaneously just a certified fucking chaos goblin. He will do some WILD shit. When/where are you most likely to sing? Hm, I guess the car. Maybe. I don't really sing. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? That's literally a dream of mine. What is the most illegal thing you’ve done? Ridden in the passenger's seat with a driver who was high. I was fucking terrified. If we got pulled over, both of our asses would've gone to jail. What is your birthstone? Do you have any jewelry with it? Amethyst, and yes. Who was your first love? Jason. Who was your first kiss and when? Jason, March of 2012. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Who was your first room mate? ... Still Jason ha ha, plus a pair of friends that were also a couple. What was your first job? Sales associate at GameStop. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with? The roller rink with my first "boyfriend" Aaron and I remember like, two or more friends also being present. Was that even a date at that age? idk Who was the first person to send you flowers? I think my parents at dance recitals. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? My older sister Ashley's. What was your first career choice? Paleontologist. What was your first sport? I want to say t-ball. Do you think it’s cute when you’re going down the road and see a dog with its head hanging out the window? Oh absolutely, I'd love to know that kind of bliss, ha ha. Does anyone in your family play in a band? What band? No. What’s the biggest spider you’ve come across? In the wild, probably just a wolf spider, really. I've held a tarantula at an exotic pet store, though. Have you ever been bitten by anything venomous? I have not. Which Mario game would you say is your favorite? That is, if you even like Mario? I think Mario Kart is fun with others. Do you have a deviantART account? I have two, actually. One just for photography and then the other is for like drawings and poetry. Have you ever pet a tarantula? Ha ha yes, even though you're not supposed to PET them; American species have urticating hairs on their abdomen that are very irritating to the skin to deter predators. I did in fact get a rash on my hand. Look, I didn't know ANYTHING about tarantulas back then, cut me some slack lmao. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon. Have you ever been in a car wreck? Yes. Has anyone ever taken your own clothes off you before? Yeah. Did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss? Yes. What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. What kinds of things are going wrong in your life right now? My lack of a job or going to school or just doing something worthwhile is the main thing. My weight loss hasn't been going as planned, but that'll hopefully start to change now... and I've been bad about not exercising, even though now we have the exercise bike. My mental health isn't fantastic. I really need to get my shit together. What kinds of things are going right in your life right now? My relationship with Girt, more than anything. That's... kinda all I can think about right now. [TW: RAPE] What was the last thing that made you feel sick to think about? I can't remember how my brain went here, but I suddenly recalled the time my sister was nearly raped by a childhood neighbor on our trampoline. Who is one very unique celebrity/musician/whatever that you love? I'd call Markiplier a unique one. Do you know any children who are very advanced for their age? I don't think so. How many Tim Burton movies have you seen? What do you think of his movies/animation style? Oh I don't know, loads. I adore his style. Do you park your car in a garage, carport or just in a driveway? We only have a driveway. Who is the person you dislike the most? My uncle that my family no longer associates with. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. Do you have a little sister? I do. She's not so "little" anymore though, hasn't been for years. Do you think that your boyfriend/girlfriend can also be your best friend? I think they SHOULD be your best friend, at least one of 'em. Do you wear glasses? I do. Wish I could wear contacts, but they annoy the fuck outta me. What’s on your mind? I'm actually really hyped, a YouTuber I'm a big fan of whose individual channel I'm now explored has a playthrough of Parasite Eve 3, which I've wanted to see for years. It's a PSP exclusive so one I can't play myself, but it's also quite hated among original fans of the series and I'm curious, ha ha. Are you guilty of flirting too much? Definitely not. I only ever flirt with my boyfriend, anyway. What are your plans for tomorrow? Nothing, really. What is your middle name? Marie. Is there a name that you can’t stand but it’s the name of a loved one? Ha ha soooo I hate the name Donald, I hate his nickname, AND I hate his last name. Poor fuckin' guy lmao. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? My sister's place. Hell, or my doctor's office. All my current doctors work at the same place. Why did you last see a doctor? My throat wasn't recovering from Covid and I'd practically entirely lost my voice, so I needed some antibiotics and stuff. Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you? No. Only my immediate family is here. Have you ever participated in a medical study? Quite sure no. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? My mom, twice. <3 I know I have one aunt (who we no longer associate with) who survived breast cancer, and I feel like there's more... Describe your favorite pair of sunglasses. I don't own any, but I've always wanted heart-shaped ones, probably a rose gold color. Do you have any licenses other than your driver’s license? No.
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natsfirecat · 3 years
Text
Stay
summary: r gets hurt saving nat (who she’s in love with) and natasha wants nothing more than to get her back
based on these two requests:
1:  If you still need Hurt and Comfort prompts, would you accept a scenario where Reader fell in a coma after a mission gone wrong, and the whole time she’s unconscious, Natasha doesn’t want to leave her side. She doesn’t sleep, barely eats, and constantly talking to reader thinking she can hear. Reader then wakes up after 3 months, and Natasha confesses her feelings for Reader.❤️‍🩹🥺
2: How bout Natasha x fem!Reader where Reader takes a bullet after saving her crush, Natasha, on a mission. Reader survives and brushes it off as “it’s my job” but Natasha doesn’t take the whole situation well, especially since she has feelings for reader too!I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER! 😘😫❤️*have some tea 🍵 *
word count: 2.8k
genre: fluff and angst but fluff ending
warnings: swearing, gunshot, comatose, blood, medical knowledge that only comes from grey’s anatomy, catradora quote because i have no self control, lmk if i need to add any more!
A/N i combined these requests since they were kinda similar, i hope you don’t mind kind anons!
“She’s tachycardic! Push one of epi, STAT!”
“No, no,”
“Hang on, Y/N, I’m going to do everything in my power to help you. Just keep holding on, okay?”
“You’re gonna be okay, alright? You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna pull through this,”
“Why would you do that? How could you be so stupid? Why did you do that?” She yelled.
“Just doing… my job…” You managed to get out.
Eventually the voices around you began to fade out as you succumbed to unconsciousness.
As you felt yourself slipping away, the only thing on your mind was the woman you loved; Natasha Romanoff.
~12 hours earlier~
“Are you ready to go home soon?” You asked.
“Kinda,” she replied honestly. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the team and all, but it is nice to get away sometimes,”
You shrugged,
“Yeah, I guess,”
She smiled, then walked closer to you, putting an arm around your shoulder.
“It is nice getting away with you, though,”
You grinned, feeling your cheeks heat up. 
“I like getting away with you too, Nat,”
She smirked, squeezing your shoulder,
“Then it’s a good thing we still have a day left,”
You could feel your heart-rate increasing as your cheeks got even redder. 
Her smirk turned into a soft smile before she pulled away and went to the bathroom to change.
You sighed, thinking about your hopeless crush on her. You had been an Avenger for three years, friends with Natasha for two, and in love with her for one. 
You never imagined that you would fall for the Black Widow, but now you couldn’t imagine your life without her.
-
“So… there’s a mission Fury assigned me to,” she said, leaning back against the couch. “It’s in France, and he said it could last anywhere from a year or two,”
“What?” You sat straight up. “No! That’s too long!”
“I know. It’s a no-contact mission too,”
“That’s such bullshit. You can’t accept that mission, Natty,”
“He assigned me, Y/N, there’s nothing I can do unless someone else volunteers to take the mission instead,”
You stared at her, suddenly feeling very defeated. 
“No…” you whispered as your eyes began to pool with tears. 
You looked at Natasha, who held her tongue at the roof of her mouth so she wouldn’t cry. You leaned in and wrapped your arms around her tightly, letting out quiet sobs into her neck.
As she held you in her arms, the only thing running through her mind was that she had no idea how the hell she would survive being away from you for that long.
-
After two days of crying, and resisting the urge to scream at Fury, you heard a knock on your door.
“Come in!” You called. The door opened to reveal none other than your favorite redhead, who had the biggest smile on her face.
“Hey,” she said, sitting on your bed.
“Hi,” 
“Guess what?”
You shrugged, not really in the mood for guessing games. You just wanted to cherish your last few moments with her before she left.
“So I got a call from Fury this morning…” she told you, her smile growing bigger. “And he said that someone else took the mission,”
You couldn’t believe it. Your best friend didn’t have to leave.
You opened your mouth to say something, but you couldn’t speak. So instead, you threw yourself into her arms.
As they had done several times in the past two days, your eyes began to fill with tears. But this time however, they were tears of joy.
She was holding onto you just as tight as you were holding onto her. 
When you finally backed away, she smiled, then reached her thumb up to your face to wipe away your tears.
“Hey,” she said softly. “You don’t need to cry, I’m staying,”
“They’re happy tears, Natty,”
She brought her other hand to your face to wipe away tears on the other cheek, then just held your face in her hands for a few moments.
Oh fuck you thought to yourself. Those tears weren’t platonic.
-
After that night, you had tried to deny your feelings for her for a bit. After all, you had gotten romantic and platonic attraction mixed up in the past, who’s to say that this wasn’t one of those times?
But as time went on, the butterflies would happen even more often around her. Your heartbeat began to race if her hand brushed up against yours. Your face would flush when your arms wrapped around her in a hug. You wanted nothing more than to be with her, to feel her lips against yours, and to be able to tell her you loved her and have her say it back.
The only person who knew about your crush on Natasha was Wanda. She had asked if anyone caught your eye, and you refused to tell her anything. However, she decided to read your mind to find out. 
You were a little frustrated that she did that, but you weren’t too mad, knowing you would’ve done the same thing to your best friend.
So since then, Wanda would always try to convince you to tell her, and you would always say no. 
As much as it hurt to have these feelings and not tell her, you knew it would be nothing compared to telling her and having the feelings not reciprocated and losing your friendship. You’d rather stay just her friend forever than to lose her.
So here you were now, in love with one of your best friends.
“Ready to go?” She asked as she finished putting her suit on.
“Yep!”
She smiled, then gestured for you to follow her. Today was the last day of your mission, and you just needed to erase all files from some druglord’s computer.
For the past week, the two of you had done several stakeouts, gotten information, and identified people. The last step was destroying their information.
So, Natasha was currently driving the two of you to the location. She had the radio playing, and the two of you were softly singing the lyrics to the songs.
You turned to face her, feeling yourself smile at the sight of her being so carefree around you. 
Not that you knew this, but you were the only person she would ever allow to see her like this.
She kept her eyes on the road, but saw you looking at her through her peripheral vision. You were simply mouthing the lyrics now, not really paying attention to them. Instead, your attention was purely on Natasha.
She kept singing the words though, but she was also smiling at the sight of you. 
As she began to turn her head to fully face you, your cheeks grew red.
“Eyes on the road, Nat!” You told her, laughing.
“Okay, mom,” She retorted, earning a playful eye roll from you. 
“Oh don’t be like that,” she said, beginning to as well. “C’mon, we’re here anyway,”
You nodded, opening the door as soon as she stopped the car. 
Once she locked the car, the two of you made your way into the building. 
She had her gun ready, holding it out at every corner you turned. 
“We’ve been here like four times already, Nat,” you told her, scoffing. “We’re fine”
She grumbled in response, but kept her gun out.
You shook your head, letting out a sigh, then continued on.
Once you made your way to the necessary room, each of you sat down in front of a computer. 
“Delete, erase, goodbye,” you muttered as you typed.
Natasha didn’t say anything as she typed away, just wanting to get out of this building as soon as possible.
You glanced over at her every once in a while.
You smiled, watching her type with the clacking on the keyboard. The tip of her tongue was poking out the corner of her mouth. Her eyes began to squint as she focused on the screen. 
Unfortunately, while you were staring, you failed to notice someone else come in the room behind you.
“Avengers,” A voice from behind you said.
You whipped around, your eyes widening to see someone wearing a combat suit holding a gun out.
Natasha stood up, raising her gun immediately. 
Before you could even process what was happening, you heard the sound of a gunshot. 
Without even thinking about it, you threw yourself at Natasha, knocking her to the ground. 
Turns out, she was the one who shot first, considering that the other guy was currently laying in a pool of his own blood that was spilling out fast.
But as you jumped, he aimed his gun at Natasha, pulling the trigger.
You let out a groan of pain, feeling a pain growing in your shoulder. 
“Y/N no! What did you do?”
She cried your name a few more times, but you couldn’t respond. You only let out a few shaky breaths and sobs as the pain in your shoulder began to grow.
She pulled her phone out, calling for help as fast as she could.
Everything hurt, but you wouldn’t have changed a thing you did. All that mattered to you, was that the woman you loved was safe.
All that mattered was that Natasha Romanoff was safe.
~two days later~
“How’s she doing?”
“Same as before.”
Natasha sighed as she reached onto your bed, placing her hand over yours.
As soon as you were brought back, everyone began working on you right away. Dr. Cho saved your life, and managed to get the bullet out.
However, because of how long it had taken to get you into surgery, you had a lot of internal bleeding. 
So, here you were now, in a coma. No one knew when, or even if, you would ever wake up.
Natasha stayed by your side the entire time. 
“Nat, you can’t stay in here forever,” Wanda said, gently placing her hand on her shoulder.
“It was my fault, Wanda,” she replied, her voice hoarse from crying. “It should’ve been me,”
“Don’t say that. You’re both alive. She wouldn’t want you to say that, or to sulk in here all day,”
Natasha said something, but kept her gaze on your unconscious body as her red eyes began to fill with tears once again.
“I can’t lose her.”
-
After the first week, Natasha finally left your room at night. She would usually come in around 7:00 AM, and stay until midnight. 
Clint would come by, and bring her food. He was genuinely worried that she wouldn’t eat if he didn’t.
Wanda came by often too. 
“Do you think she can hear us?” Natasha asked her.
“I can try and find out, if you’d like,” Wanda offered.
Natasha nodded, removing her hand from you.
Wanda stood up, then placed one hand on your forehead, closing her eyes.
After a few moments of silence, she gave Natasha a soft smile.
“She’s dreaming,”
“Is she aware of things going on outside?”
“Not right now. I don’t think she’s constantly dreaming while unconscious. Hearing our voices right now, she’s either drowning them out or they’ll be in her dream. She might become more aware later,”
Natasha let out a shaky breath, then connected her hand to yours again.
“Hi, Y/N,” she breathed out. “We did it. We destroyed the files, and the building ended up being destroyed after we left. We did the mission, you can wake up now. You can come back now,”
She could feel herself about to cry, so she turned to Wanda.
“What’s she dreaming about?”
Wanda closed her eyes again, looking into your mind.
“She’s at this house, and there’s comforting energy coming from it. I think it might be her childhood home.” Wanda explained. “Something’s happening in slow motion. There’s like, cracks of electricity and… oh my god there’s a lightning strike right in front of her,”
“She’s dreaming about lightning?”
“I can hear her inner voice. Part of her is afraid, but the bigger part of her is thinking the lightning strike will give her superpowers… and she’s floating in the air right now,”
Natasha laughed for the first time since getting back. Of course superpowers would be on your mind while getting struck by lightning.
“Thank you, Wanda,” she told her, gently squeezing your hand.
“Of course,” she replied. “You should get some rest. I know Y/N would want you to,”
Natasha sighed, then nodded. She was feeling better for the first time since you took the bullet for her.
-
“Hey,” she said, getting a laptop out and setting it on the side of your bed. “It’s been three weeks now, and uh, I thought it might be a good idea to bring this down and watch your favorite movie. Y’know, maybe hearing it will help you,”
A lump began to form in her throat as she stared at you. However, she said nothing else as she pulled up your favorite movie, then placing it close enough so you could hear, and see it if you were to open your eyes. 
Once she pressed play, she sat on the edge of your bed. She wasn’t looking at the laptop screen, she was looking down at you. 
She brushed a strand of hair out of your face, and ran her thumb across your cheekbone. 
Natasha didn’t even realize she was crying until she had to wipe her own tears off your forehead. 
“Sorry,” she muttered, pulling away so she wouldn’t cry on you anymore. “I just… really miss you, Y/N.”
She opened her mouth to say something else, but stopped when she noticed your eyebrow twitch. 
It felt like everything in her body stopped working for a moment as she replayed it in her mind; you moved.
Before she knew it, she was sprinting out of your room at full speed to get Dr. Cho.
“She moved! I think she’s waking up! Her eyebrow moved!” She yelled as she barged into her office.
Dr. Cho tilted her head to the side, but followed her back to your room.
She walked over to you, then examined the monitors. She looked at you, then back at your vitals. 
“Miss Romanoff, I’m so sorry, but there’s nothing in her brain activity that indicates her moving or waking up. Sometimes, when we want to see something so bad, our mind tricks us into thinking we saw it. It’s a cruel thing, but it’s not uncommon for situations like this,”
Natasha’s heart dropped as the doctor left the room to give her space. She thought she had you back.
-
She wasn’t going to give up on you. She pulled the laptop away, then sat next to you again.
She then layed down, and wrapped her arms around you, sobbing into your neck.
“Wake up, please,” she begged between sobs. “Come back to me.”
Natasha pulled back, placing one hand on your cheek. She leaned down, pulling you close again.
“Don’t you get it?” She said at almost a whisper. “I love you. I always have. So please, just this once. Stay.” She pulled back again, then placed a gentle kiss to your cheek. “Stay.”
It was like everything in her froze again. 
Your eyebrows were definitely twitching now. A groan escaped your mouth, as you blinked your eyes open.
“Natty,” you said, wrapping your arms around her neck. “You love me?”
“Of course I do,”
You smiled at her, despite the pain running through your body.
“Good, ‘cause I’ve been in love with you for like the past year,”
She let out a mix between a laugh and a sob as she leaned close to you once again.
You leaned forward too, and before you knew it, the distance between the two of you was closed as you were kissing.
It was gentle, considering the fact that you were still hurt, but you both savored every second of it. 
“I love you so much,” you told her, keeping your arms around her.
At this point, you both had tears streaming down your cheeks. Neither of you cared as you leaned in for another kiss. 
“Never do that again, okay?” She told you.
“Do what? Kiss you? I plan on doing that a lot more, thank you very much,”
She rolled her eyes, letting out a small laugh.
“Don’t ever put yourself in danger like that for me again, alright? I don’t care if you say it’s your job. Don’t do it again,”
“I did it because I love you, Natty,”
She sighed, wiping away one of your tears. 
“I’m never leaving you though,”
“Good, I don’t want you to leave,”
Of course, the two of you would end up arguing about putting yourselves in danger to save each other, but it would all work out in the end.
You loved her, and she loved you. You wouldn’t have it any other way.
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