#But then there's a butch person who uses pronouns other than she/her and still identifies with womanhood to some capacity

[edwardallenpoe]

man I sure do hope people who say that trans people don't have to present hyper-binary or be passable are normal about masc/butch trans people, including trans women who don't want surgeries or hrt or use she/her pronouns. Man I sure do hope they don't just mean femme trans men and exclude trans women and nonbinary masculine people. Man I sure do hope that they aren't super fucking weird about masculinity, especially when performed by trans women.

#Just. #A lot of people are rlly saying the quiet part out loud when they make posts standing out for transfemme afabs #Lifting up their femininity and right to their expression #Then make posts about ew gross masculinity I hate mascs men eeww #And are dead silent about trans women #They hype up trans men that don't want hrt or surgery #But the only rare discussion they have about trans women is femme trans women #It's almost as if they just hate masculinity and want to preserve femininity #Idk it just rlly grinds all my gears #It's like. Almost TERF-lite #Like they're allies of the most vanilla order #Just hate it when they say they support genderfuckers #But then there's a butch person who uses pronouns other than she/her and still identifies with womanhood to some capacity #Or a trans woman who doesn't want to present femme in any capacity but still identifies as a woman #Then they get fucking confused #it's fine #transphobia #queerphobia #homophobia #trans issues #transphobes #butch #masculine #masculinity #Transmisogyny #I would consider this transmisogyny #Bc denying women's right to express themselves however the fuck they want is a form of misogyny

[autisticwho]

i’ve reached a new level of autism where i’ve just turned doctor who characters trans in my head for no good reason; here it is!

rose tyler — non-binary, any + star/stars + wolf/wolfs

she would learn about more gender and pronouns and how different it is in other planets through travelling with the doctor and would experiment with they/them at first, but would still use she/her. then they’d use he/him & eventually learn about neopronouns + xenogenders and most likely would use star/stars & wolf/wolfs.

mickey smith — transfemme, she/her + they/them

(i’ve been vibing with mickey being transfemme & a butch lesbian for a minute) (i’m obsessed)

SO. i think mickey figured out she was trans early on, she just didn’t know what the feeling was. she saw rose & jackie shopping and was fascinated by it all. they thought dresses and skirts were pretty & was very upset when they got told she couldn’t wear it.

then she meets sally and everything changes. she knows what being trans is & she knows that those conversations are on the table. so, after a lot of research, mickey learns that’s who they are. (in my head they identify as demigirl, but are comfortable with the non-binary & trans labels too)

also small hc that mickey helped cleo with their coming out journey, since rose used to babysit her teehee

donna noble — agender, all pronouns

donna has way too much going on to worry about her gender, however after rose, donna learns some people just don’t really feel a connection with gender & don’t really “care” about gender, which resonates with him, so they adopt the agender label & welcome all pronouns, including neopronouns as well.

bill potts — genderfluid, any pronouns

this was possibly the first head canon that came to mind & it happened before i ever really thought about using the trans beam on any other character.

you see a character called bill potts and you go well that can’t be a cis person

i feel like bill has just always known they were genderfluid. she’s always known their gender fluctuates and he’s always been okay with it, once they found the label it filled them with an insane amount of gender euphoria (which only intensifies after learning the doctor & missy are trans too)

amy pond — transmasc, he/him & rory williams — transfemme, she/her + they/them

to me, amy and rory go on very similar journeys & they go on them together. amy figures out his gender through her kiss-o-gram jobs, he feels sexualised as he’s seen automatically as a woman and that makes him dysphoric. then he researches (as we’ve all done, why do we feel wrong in our bodies!!!!) and finds comfort in the transmasc label.

as for rory, it all starts when amy asks her to dress up as the doctor — she loves this person more than life itself, so of course she’s going to do it but something feels wrong. she wants to rip the clothes off and never think about the situation again; but then it starts happening with their regular clothes — it makes their skin itch and they do not like it. eventually they talk to amy (or rather he figures out somethings wrong with rory and convince him to talk), and the two have an honest conversation about what it all means. (obviously this changes nothing in their dynamic + relationship & they’re very supportive of each other)

#doctor who #amy pond #bill potts #donna noble #mickey smith #rory williams #rose tyler #autism is autisming #the t in tardis is for transgender #also also #the a in tardis stands for autism #mac.txt #i think i’ve forgotten someone #i shall add it later if i remember #enjoy <3

[yellowtiebite]

Reading through your blog and your comments, I was reminded of a feeling I haven't had in a very long time. I still remember that feeling though, so I wanted to give my support. Maybe one day you'll be past this feeling, on to a new brighter one. Or maybe you'll still have that feeling with you. Either way, you deserve the freedom to really and truly be yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable. I also apologize if it's a bit of a ramble, I talk a lot.

The world is not cut and dry, black and white, do or don't. Even if it is, you shouldn't have to treat it that way. Even though many people in power (both personally and world powers) want you to think that you are just a cog in a machine, you are so much more. This goes both for gender, for art, for writing, for whatever other thing humans have been doing freely for millennia.

I wanted to touch on gender first, since I feel like it's more in my wheelhouse. Almost a decade ago I branded myself as miserable and loveless. Unable to truly feel, because I would be locked out of what I thought was true love, a man loving another man. However, what I was able to realize after freeing myself from this notion that I could not change, is that I could feel that love.

I didn't do it all at once, I took my time with it. I changed my pronouns online, used more masculine descriptors and even used a more masculine online name. The online world is just so vast and mostly faceless, that I felt free to change myself, mold myself into what I wanted to show the world.

Now, this isn't to say that you have to do exactly this, or that you have to do anything at all. But gender is quite fluid, there's not too many rules about it. If you feel more comfortable identifying as a man, you can do that. But if you also want to use she/her pronouns you can do that! You can even be a man that uses multiple pronouns like he/she.

Another freeing thing about gender, is that just because you change your identity doesn't mean you have to change your presentation. You can be a masc/butch woman who uses she/her or he/him. It's been a documented thing that stone butch women exist, and are a respected part of the community.

You also don't have to use a specific identity if you don't want to. You don't have to identify as cis or trans or non-binary or any other thing. You can just call yourself a woman or a man or a person that uses she/her or a person that uses he/him.

This isn't giving you permission to identify as a certain way or to tell you to identify as a certain way. I'm more giving you a skeleton key, opening up multiple pathways for you to choose from, whenever or wherever you want. And that if you choose to use she/her pronouns, I would be happy to be amongst the people that use those for you.

(I'll have to wait a bit before writing in about art, I've been struggling with mine lately too so it'll take a second for me to put it into words)

Again respect to the trans. You all did more than I ever could. I know I want to be a woman but I don't think it is because I am trans. I just hate my vile personality that being someone else would change it. I mean lets be honest I am not unlovable because I am a man. I am unlovable because I am horrible and sick to talk to or witness. I never had a partner and never will but I will never blame anyone but my own ill breed mind.

[mejomonster]

Any other trans friends i could use ur personal knowledge input. Ill also look this up though so don't worry im assuming like the definution of bi theres gonna be varied overlapping definitions

(So pre warning these first big paragraphs are preamble on what ive heard as far as more recent definitions, it can ALL be skipped down to my question. Basic summary is: DEI taught about gender identity, gender presentatuon, and sexuality spectrums and how they dont necesarily match the way stereotypes would expect as each Individual experiences those 3 spectrums their own way). Okay so the last time i got proper formal definitions taught was a Diversity Equity Inclusion training. Which was eons ahead of what my schools ever taught but it was still not all encompassing. Training included mentioning: sexuality is a spectrum, pansexuality and bisexuality are being able to feel attraction to multiple genders, heterosexuality and homosexuality are attraction to one gender, asexuality as an umbrella term for people who experience no sexual attraction or various levels different than the other sexualities, queer is an all encompassing umbrella term that lgbt people may use but a person outside the community should not use to refer to a person unless specifically asked to (and its also a label various academic texts use to describe lgbt elements discussed). Also the romantic attaction spectrum was mentioned, as like the sexuality spectrum but not necessarily matching it for any particular person (as in one can be bisexual and demiromantic, homoromantic and asexual, not just say bisexual and alloromantic). Training mentioned gender identity is a spectrum (and nonbinary is an umbrella term, as is genderqueer, for various identites that dont identify as men and women, agender includes people who do not identify with genders - basically gender is diverse as human experience, as with all other points).

Gender Presentation is a spectrum, and they do NOT have to match up (such as a butch woman, a feminine woman who goes by he him, a feminine man who uses he him, a masculine looking man who wears dresses basically in terms of clothing hair pronouns social activities any person can embody any kind of traits along the masculine to feminine spectrum - and may also align them differently as in a country woman may see "girls dont cry!" As a feminine associated expectation while an oldest son might also see "boys dont cry" as a masculine associate expectation to his own life experience, i could go on forever but basically clothes/hobbies do NOT equal gender identity. Pronouns do NOT necessarily equal gender identity). So like. The trainer my nonbinary coworker used examples like them using the pronouns they/he/she and prefering to dress more masculine but still using they/she/he and sometimes really enjoying dresses and still using they/she/he, of how some butch women may prefer he him or she her and theyre women If they simply identify as women, women who wear pants and no makeup and go by she her, men who love makeup and go by he him, some of my coworkers realized that day they prefered they/them (presentation) even if their gender identity was man or woman. Basically the point is Presentation is diverse. There is no one to one perfect list of traits to define what each gender identity "must be." Youre your gender identity because you are that gender, it feels right for you. You express and present yourself how you want, and that doesnt necessarily align with masc for men or fem for woman or androgynous for nonbinary, those are just the basic things strangers might assume. And the person labelling themselves understands more than you. (So in this case like gender nonconforming presentation would be a man who wears glam makeup or woman who never wears makeup, a nonbinary person who leans heavily into clothes that arent associated with androgyny, im not explaining well but i hope u are kinda getting my point).

Anyway my point was Gender Identity (im a guy a girl im nonbinary im agender), is not the same as Gender Presentation (the spectrum of human traits society vaguely interprets as masculine feminine and androgynous and where each individual lands in terms of presenting themselves such as clothing, hair, hobbies, social traits, etc)

Now my question Im really confused about:

Im nonbinary im bi. Im also a few other things and sometimes just saying im queer makes my life easier.

Im a bit confused about what transmasc and transfem as labels mean. Because i can only interpret the words on my current knowledge by guessing the masc and fem in the words Either relate to Gender Identity, or Gender Presentation. The words obviously are for trans people. But i have no idea at all where a trans butch woman falls in this scale, or a trans man who dresses very femininely, or nonbinary people like me who embrace masculinity and femininity a lot (and hey its okay if maybe nonbinary ppl like me just dont fit inside these terms).

Is the masc and fem in those labels referring to "man-spectrum" gender IDENTITY and "woman-spectrum" gender IDENTITY?

So this would mean maybe transfem: trans woman, any nonbinary or genderqueer person who relates slightly more to feeling the gender of woman, this would include trans butch women, and nonbinary people with beards etc who present visually very masculine but identify slightly more with women

Transmasc: trans man, nonbinary or genderqueer person who relates more slightly to the gender of man. This would include feminine trans men who wear dresses and makeup, include nonbinary people who Present visually very feminine but identify slightly more with men

OR is the masc and fem relating to gender PRESENTATION? Which would mean the terms include any trans person of any gender identity, who mainly presents masculine or mainly presents feminine

Transfem: trans women who are feminine presenting, trans men who are feminine presenting, nonbinary people who are more feminine presenting visually (feminine presenting as in clothing, hairstyles, hobbies etc that generally are interpreted by others as feminine)

Transmasc: trans men who are masculine presenting, trans women who are masculine presenting, nonbinary people who are more masculine presenting visually

Can you see where im getting confused? Depending on if masc and fem are refering to gender identity Or presentation, a trans butch woman is transmasc or transfem. So would a trans butch woman be transfem for transitioning to a woman physically, or transmasc for physically presenting masculinely and being trans. Would a nonbinary person who medically transitioned taking testosterone who wears dresses and makeup be a transmasc (for being a trans man) or transfem for being a trans person who presents feminine fashion choices. And im assuming the labels dont include nonbinary people that dont really lean one way or the other but like... if a nonbinary person is included in the terms is it based on the gender they more closely identify to on the spectrum (which for some of us is None, is multiple, is gender identities not within man or woman), or in the terms it is based on their visual presentation (which again! Nonbinary people can be androgynous, can embrace masculinity and femininity, can embrace one more than the other, can present our selves in ways meant to exclude those categorizations).

Tldr: is the masc and fem in transfem and transmasc refering to gender Identity or gender Presentation?

(And i suppose part of my confusion is like. Unfortunately in my social media experience over the last 10 years i saw the rise of "are you afab or amab" which screamed unpleasant unnecessary attempts to drag us back to "but what were u before transition" bullshit, and then recently in the "girl dinner" "boys are academia girls are shopping" and the lgbt community similar memes "lesbians are cottagecore gay men are clubbing" "transmen are so bob the builder transwomen are so my little pony" its giving Gender Expectations. Its giving: old school traditional limiting gender requirements on people if they want to conform to traditionalist norms. Its giving girls are stupid and soft abd emotional and boys are strong and smart and analytical - which isnt true by the way, you can be any traits regardless of gender identity you are. Ive been seeing a lot of "transmascs are army clips" "transfem are delicate jewelry" memes lately and its just like... aside from the fact im already sick of reinforcing gender stereotypes in a broad way. The memes are also confusing me because im like okay so is this implying trans men MUST be masculine, and transwomen MUST be feminine? Cause if its about gender identity, then that sure feels like thats the implication. I dont necessarily think the actual labels imply that necessarily, but i do think the memes of this nature just like ALL the widespread gender-stereotype memes imply some shit about expectations i do not like seeing reinforced as much as it goes around)

#rant #id appreciate it if a follower or mutual shared the definitions as they understand them #cause yall are the ones i see using the words most so its more important i know what You consider transmasc or transfem #since if say a tiktok definition differs well its good to be aware but i need to be able to #understand and respect the definition of the label as people mean it Here on tumblr #im a nonbinary who doesnt lean toward any other gender identity and presents the full spectrum of fem to masc #so im fairly sure i. probably dont fit inside those labels at all

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Having actual trouble understanding why you care so much about what people think a woman is.

As long as people still know that when you mix sperm and egg in the right environment you might get a kid I think society and the species are going to be fine.

And regardless of what we call the parts or the people - even if we all forget these names and designations - we'll notice, don't you think, that that's the combination of gunk that makes kids?

Honestly, why do you care so much about what a woman is? What a man is? The other species are doin' fine on scent and instinct and birdcalls. We overcomplicate everything with designations, but say they all disappeared? Say they stopped being so damn important? How could it matter?

I get this exact same question from Xians all the time. They ask me why I care that they want to pray at the start of their local government meetings, put the Ten Commandments on public land, and teach Intelligent Design in schools as an "alternative theory."

What this usually means is that they'd really prefer they were allowed to go about their agenda unimpeded. It's usually a deflection away from what they're up to, to construe a sort of moral failing that I've noticed it.

--

"Why do you care?" A better question is why is it that you don't? We have kids, particularly gay kids, being told that they can't be a femme man or a butch woman.

https://egale.ca/awareness/glossary-of-terms/

TRANS A person whose gender identity does not correspond with what is socially expected based on their sex assigned at birth. It can be used as an umbrella term to refer to a range of gender identities and experiences.

https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms

Transgender | An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or expression is different from cultural expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth. Being transgender does not imply any specific sexual orientation. Therefore, transgender people may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

It's not that there are a myriad of ways to be a man or a woman. That a femme man is no less of a man than a butch man. A butch woman is no less of a woman than a femme woman. No, no, no. If you don't conform to very narrow stereotypes ("cultural expectations") about what gender ideologues say is "man-ness" or "woman-ness" then you're not a man or woman at all. You're trans. You're either the other, or you're something else.

Why doesn't it bother you that people want to tell a young lesbian that she can't be a woman, because she's too butch? And then prescribed hormones and a chest binder, putting her on a path towards a double-mastectomy... over homophobic stereotypes?

--

If you want to get rid of the designations, then that's fine. If you want to discard 'man" and "woman" and instead consider only "male" and "female," then I say go for it.

Have at. Be my guest.

But the place you'll need to start is the gender activists who want access to those existing designations. To use them in ways other than the well-recognized meanings. To render them meaningless, but still demand they be used as they insist.

Tell them to abandon their fixation on "gender identity" and say, hey, let's just consider only whether your body is organized towards the production of sperm (male) or ova (female) and let's not worry about ideas of "man" and "woman." Go on.

Tell them that we're going to do male and female prisons instead of "men's" and "women's" prisons. Tell them we're going to do "male" and "female" sports, rather than "men's" and "women's" sports. Tell them that worrying about pronouns is rather foolish, because we're not going to worry about "man" and "woman" any more.

I dare you.

Your heart might be in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is, or how you've managed to completely miss everything that's been going on.

You're misidentifying the problem here, sweetie. I'm looking for a specific definition of a term "woman" and "man" that they want to use in ways that don't make sense, ways which obligate others to adhere to their ideology. They want to tell boys they are one as an explanation for their depression, anxiety, autism and other conditions, rather than figuring these out honestly. They want to tell girls they aren’t one, rather than figure out their discomfort with puberty, poor self esteem and peer pressure.

I'm not looking for a specific expression or experience of being a man or woman, what "man-life" or "woman-life" is. No - as you saw above, that's their game, not mine. I'm looking for a specific definition of terms that they want to use, because they want to use them. And because it's a symptom of their ideology being so incoherent that it seems even they can't explain what they mean.

I can find you a half dozen videos on YouTube of cats that behave in unexpected or atypical ways more like the dogs they were raised with. Doesn't mean they're not cats. But I'm not asking for a specific experience or expression of what life is like for a cat. I'm asking for a definition of the word "cat" for when people label an animal "cat."

I'm not trying to prescribe, I'm trying to describe.

Unless, and until, you can convince them to abandon their grab for those words, rather than corrupting and attempting to redefine them into meaninglessness, then there will be people expecting the words they want to use to make sense, and asking for them to define them.

Because words are how we communicate. They provide clarity. If the only way you can define “woman” is by using the word “woman” then you have no good reason to be using the word “woman” at all. Much less telling people they are or are not one.

--

At bottom, though, the question "what is a woman?" is more of a test of intellectual integrity. People like you who refuse to answer a straight question and outright object that they should even do so, while throwing up veiled ad hominems and implications of bigotry or intolerance are revealed by that question. The actual answer is less important than the fact that you refuse to provide one.

It's a test of honesty and integrity. The dishonest will expend inordinate energy distracting and deflecting because they want to use words in the way they want, rather than for precise, clear communication.

When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less. ' 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things. ' 'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master — that's all.”

#ask #gender ideology #queer theory #what is a woman #homophobia #homophobia 2.0 #religion is a mental illness

[violentviolette]

I may be misreading the tags, but how exactly does your wife identify with the lesbian label? You're a trans man, so I'm curious as to how your wife's label affects the relationship and what not (as in, how does your wife view you and be attracted to you in a 'lesbian' way). Fuck I am asking this terribly LMAO if your wife is fine with elaborating on their label(s), that would be cool! I'd like to educate myself on "unconventional labels" more.

i think my wife identifies as a lesbian pretty easily actually lol pretty sure it's as natural as breathing for her at this point after 25+ years. and i actually dont think there's anything unconventional about it at all, she's just a lesbian and it doesnt really effect our relationship cause neither one of us has any issue with the others labels and we dont feel they contradict our own. my wife is a butch lesbian and im a nb trans man and thats really all there is to it. she loves me like a person loves another person

real life is very very rarely as neat and orderly and catagorized as online queer spaces make it sound, and i think our situation is much more common than most people who mostly only interact with other queer ppl online think. in real life queer communities specific labels matter WAY less than they ever do here, u dont have to change ur entire label and identity for a single person. my wife and i are both deeply queer and we love eachother and that's what matters most to us both.

we met and started dating when we were 19, i didnt realize i was trans until i was around like 25ish and at that point we'd been together for 6 years and had built a life with one another. we obviously had a lot of talks about it at first while i was first coming out and figuring out what i wanted for myself. we talked about what was important to each of us, what we were comfortable with, where each of our boundaries were, what were deal breakers for us, ect. Obviously every individual person is going to be different and everyones comfort levels and needs and preferences are going to be different, and so not everyone in our same position would feel the same, and if certain things were different about either of us we might not feel the same, but for us we ended up not really having any issues staying together

i think the biggest thing for each of us was retaining our autonomy and not feeling the need to change either of our language to try and accomodate the other. being a lesbian and that label is important to my wife, she isnt attracted to men and has no interest in dating men, she's a very classic butch dyke and that identity and community is important to her, so there's really no need for her to change her label or sense of self just to justify her love for me, it's just not neccessary. i know she loves me for the person i am because no one alive knows me better than her, and thats more than enough for me.

and in the same way i dont feel the need to downplay my masculinity or hide my gender or call myself any less of a man in order to justify loving and staying together with her. im a dude and a guy and i use he pronouns and she has always respected that and never tried to discourge me for her own sake. she wants me to be happy and authentic and true to myself and has no need or desire to feminize me in any way in order to continue to love me. she knows the whole person i am and is not only okay with that, but genuinely enjoys it. she can not love men while still loving me.

and thats really all there is to it, i dont think it's that unconventional or weird or even contradictary. we're queer and thats what matters. i think one of the best things about being queer is being able to fuck with those conceptions and those binaries and the rules given to us by cishet society

im a bisexual femme ass boygirl and my wife is a dyke ass lesbian girlboy. we're both a little gender fucky and thats the way we like it.

#jack.speaks #anon #whats really fun is seeing the looks on ppls faces when we tell them im the boy and she's the girl #while she's in wranglers construction boots and a flannet with a pocket knife clipped to her belt #and im out here with a full set of manicured nails and enough eyeliner to put gerard way to shame #we live to confuse cis people

[the-rockstar-lestat]

How is the aspect of gender dysphoria handled in your kind ? I can imagine it must be miserable at times if hormone replacement therapy treatment dosent work ?

Fascinating question! Off the top of my head I don't believe I know any vampires who have attempted a medical transition, weather before or after their turning. So I will answer this question as best I can by telling you about my mother, Gabrielle.

What, did you think Gabrielle's cross dressing was merely for convenience? It may have started that way, but it didn't take long for my mother to begin preferring men's clothes to women's clothes, and it didn't take long after that for her to realize that it wasn't because men had more freedom, SHE simply felt more free in them.

This was around the time my mother abandoned my company, and society completely, to live in the forests or whatever it was she did for two hundred years. She tells me she reentered the human world around the time I left it, the 1920s, and with it came a new gender expression. (Before that, she says, they didn't really DO genders in the gobi desert. )

Gabrielle was a very early adapter of trousers on women, inspired by the likes of Greta Garbo and Katherine Hepburn. But she still identified as a woman. By the 1950s, she tells me she had found the lesbian scene, and that glorious word butch and for a long time, that was her identity. ("oh Lestat, you don't know how many beautiful women I ate back then," "....in what sense of the word --never mind, Mother, I don't want to know.")

Anyway, I believe that is what she was identifying as when I met her again, a butch woman. She had short hair for a while, cutting it off every night to better fit in with her subculture, but she, like myself, is a child of the 18th century, and didn't find her long hair a detriment to masculinity, despite her famous attempt to cut it. For a long time she wore it in a braid, along with simple, masculine clothes, mainly athletic wear, to suit her athletic lifestyle, although she occasionally donned female clothes, often simply to show off that she COULD. Sometimes a feminine touch was added, a pearl necklace, a high heel. But these were objects of our time as well, and not necessarily out of the bounds of masculinity. I don't believe she was ever truly comfortable presenting femme since the night I brought her into the blood. This was how I knew my Gabrielle.

Recently, however , led by the newest thought from the queer community, Gabrielle has begun rethinking her gender. She heard the term non-binary, and I don't think I've ever seen her REACT to something as much. There was something between man and woman, male and female? Something that didn't require her to confirm to either her assigned gender or the one she still had some resentment towards?

Since that revelation Gabrielle has talked a lot to me about her gender. Dysphoria was a term she used for the feeling when she was alive of "this isn't right" and may have been one of the (many) reasons she was such a cold person in life. Something was bothering her deep in her soul she didn't have a word for. Since she was able to present more masculinly she's been a much happier, much warmer person, she talks much more and is able to connect to people more than she ever could. (though she's still vice president of the introverted vampire society, second only to my Louis.) Gabrielle feels most at home in the queer community, and it's one of the few, though growing number of things we share. We invariably wish each other happy pride month.

As for how she dealt with it, her changes were minimal. She changed the clothes she wore, and occasionally her haircut. Gabrielle has yet to ask anyone to call her by a different name or pronoun, and she certainly doesn't mind when I call her Maman, though I most often call her by her name these days. Of course if she were ever to change her mind about this, we would all certainly oblige.

I don't believe she has any desire for surgery or hormones. If she had, I would have to ask Fareed if such a thing were possible. Our flesh is very difficult to pierce, but he has invented specialized needles before, I don't see why he couldn't invent a specialized scalpel. Our healing process is almost instantaneous, so the removal of flesh for what is commonly known as top surgery ,while painful, would probably be relatively simple to do and heal from. The adding or changing of it I imagine would be more difficult . Our bodies default to homeostasis (look at that beautiful science word I know!) as Louis once told you. I can see us rejecting any surgery or implants. Although it may be worth noting we can reattach our own amputated flesh. I've seen it happen and it's not a pretty process. I'm not sure what that signifies but perhaps....something.

I imagine , though, if a human was taking hormones before they were turned their body would maintain THAT amount of change, unable to be affected further or to revert. Like all vampires, they would be frozen as they were the night they were changed.

Anyway, that is in the realm of science poetry, but I can ask Fareed more about it if you like. It simply hasn't been tried. But I would be excited to watch it happen! I don't personally know any vampires who desire this, but it's a matter of time before we meet one, isn't it? And I have plenty of time.

@askblog-with-the-vampire will you ask Fareed if you see him?

#after fur and feather #science poetry #the modern world is truly amazing #tiger maman #gabrielle de lioncourt

[pregcule]

Silly Little Pinned Intro Post

Hi! Though all of us have SFW personal social media, we decided it would be fun to create a Tumblr account to chronicle our pregnancy journey as a polycule including the sexy aspects of it since we all have pregnancy kinks of varying sorts. Here we are introduced in alphabetical order!

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Guess I’ll be starting this off. I’m Charlotte, I’m 32 and I’m a trans woman who uses she/her pronouns. I’m a stay-at-home mom who also runs an Etsy store selling LGBT-themed fibercrafts.

Glenn. 31. He/they. Butch. I’ve only started dating these folks recently but I already feel very valued and loved. I’m not currently pregnant but I had a child with a previous partner.

Name’s Frankie. I’m 29 and I use she/her and he/him pronouns, just be sure to mix them up. I’m the resident girlboy fagdyke and I’m currently pregnant with twins. I work as a tattoo artist and I’ve also got a lot of tattoos and piercings myself.

I’m Horatio. I’m 27 years old and I’m a pan trans guy who uses he/him pronouns. Even though I’m pregnant I’m still hard at work pursuing my PhD in English, and considering that I had my first kid while I was still in grad school I think I can get through this. I’m married to Judah.

Jo. 37. She/they. Trans butch. Probably won’t be posting here much. I work as an electrician.

I’m Judah. I’m 26 and I use he/him pronouns. My husband likes to call me “cis+” because I went through the process of questioning my gender before coming out the other side still identifying as a man. I met Horatio in college and I knocked him up while he was in grad school, oops. I’m a stay-at-home dad.

Sup. I’m Nadia and I’m 24 and I use she/it pronouns. I’m a trans girl and I got a super cool surgery that means that I can carry a child. I’m currently pregnant with my first kid and I’m nervous but mostly excited and grateful. I also stream on Twitch.

I’m Roxxi! I’m 27 and I use xe/xem and it/its pronouns, but you can basically use any neopronouns for me as long as they’re fun :3. Cringe culture is dead and I killed it myself, I’m a scene kid who’s all grown up now and, unsurprisingly, I’m pregnant :3.

Heyyy I’m Spencer. I use they/he pronouns and I’m 22. I met Nadia at a con and the two of us hit it off pretty quickly and well the rest was history. Just a hairy pregnant trans guy cosplayer I guess.

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Some of us may end up posting on this blog more than others. Feel free to send us asks and we’ll try to answer all of them in a timely manner.

[Disclaimer: this is a pregnancy kink roleplay blog. All the characters and events that are depicted are entirely fictional.]

#pinned post #tmpreg #tfpreg #nbpreg #fpreg #mpreg #preg kink #pregnancy kink #nsft #nsft ask blog #preg rp #pregnancy rp #pregnant rp #pregnancy roleplay

[susiephone]

Imagine thinking that wanting straight people to be accepting of gay people is a "trap" and not like, literally THE entire goal of the modern LGBT rights movement since its inception

okay. this is in response to me saying “respectability politics is a trap.” which it absolutely is.

but i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt here. let’s define respectability politics, shall we?

several people who are more well-spoken than me have talked about this. to quote this article on the subject:

Respectability politics is a school of thought that utilizes respectability narratives as the basis for enacting social, political, and legal change.

Respectability narratives are representations of marginalized individuals meant to construct an image of the marginalized group as people sharing similar traits, values, morals with the dominant group.

essentially, respectability politics is when people in a marginalized group (queer people, disabled people, people of color) wish to be accepted by the majority, and thus present themselves in a way and behave in a way that the majority deems acceptable - and pressure others in their marginalized group to do the same. for example:

“Not all bisexual people are sluts, I’m bi and I’ve been in a committed relationship for 20 years!”

“I’m gay, but I’m not one of THOSE gay guys, I hate shopping and I don’t like to flaunt my sexuality at all!”

“Lesbians aren’t really all masculine, I love makeup and having long hair.”

(I’m using examples I’ve seen in the queer community because I’m queer; I know this happens a lot in communities of color, but I am not qualified to speak on that at all.)

this stems from a desire to be accepted by the majority; for the purposes of this discussion, straight people. we hear straight people say things like “i could never date a bi person, they’re all cheaters” or “i don’t mind gay guys, don’t just shove it in my face” and “why don’t lesbians act like women if they love them?” and, in response, some people go, “i don’t act like that!! you can accept me! i fit in! i’m respectable, i’m not like those guys, they embarrass us!”

there’s also a lot of people saying, “don’t reinforce the stereotype.” as if it’s OUR fault straight people stereotype us.

so this leads to shaming within our own community:

“You’re bi and polyamorous? Wow, way to make people think we’re all two-timing whores.”

“Makeup? Jesus, we get it, you’re gay, you don’t have to make it a pride parade every time you go out.”

“You look like a teenage boy, this is why everyone lesbians aren’t real women.”

and that all boils down to:

“THIS is the example you’re setting? This is the face you show to the world? Don’t you know you’re representing us? No wonder they don’t respect us.”

and that’s the real problem: telling other queer people, “it is YOUR fault you’re not accepted, YOU aren’t acceptable, YOU reinforce these stereotypes, YOU should try and be more respectable, more normal.” and the thing is, “normal” is defined by the majority. THEY decide what is acceptable behavior for us. and guess what? 

most of the time, that boils down to, “It’s fine if you’re different... as long as you’re as close to what I deem normal as possible. As long as I can’t tell you’re different.”

in the queer community, this sort of thinking has led to the exclusion of butch lesbians, femme gay men, nonbinary people, non-passing trans people, trans people in general, people who use any pronouns besides she/her and he/him, bisexual people, ace people, aro people, pan people, polyamorous bisexual people, people who have an active sex life, sex workers, people who have changed how they identify, and countless others. these people get shoved aside by the Good Respectable Gays, who are eager to say, “We’re not like them, we’re just like you!” in order to be accepted by the mainstream. and it still doesn’t work. even the most macho, would-never-guess-it gay guy is bound to face some level of oppression or otherness at some point in his life. it doesn’t matter how much he fits in, how much he distances himself from the Unacceptable Queers; it won’t work 100% of the time. how’s that for a punchline?

there is no point in trying to file off the “unacceptable” parts of our community just to please straight people. 

if a person hates all queer people, no matter how they act or present, they’re a homophobe.

if a person doesn’t hate queer people, just the ones who shove it in your face and sleep around and won’t shut up about it and buck gender norms and use weird pronouns and expect people to learn their new name and change their identity every week... they’re still a fucking homophobe.

and why the fuck are we trying to please homophobes, again?

so when people say lil nas x is bad, actually, because he “reinforces the stereotype” of gay people going to hell and thinking a lot about sex or whatever, they’re playing right into respectability politics. why can’t he just talk about his sexuality in a normal way? why can’t he express himself in a nicer way? why does he have to use that imagery? why does he have to make straight people uncomfortable?

lis nas x is a gay black man who grew up being told he’d burn in hell for being gay. and he made an awesome song with a legendary music video saying, “fine. i’ll go to hell, just like you want, and it’ll be great. i’ll take the damn place over and make satan fall in love with me. and i’ll have a great time doing it, because i’m proud of who i am, and i won’t apologize for it or be ashamed of it anymore.”

to see that and wring your hands, worrying that a straight person will see it and decide to be homophobic about it, and pinning the blame for that on nas is missing the point.

every time we as a community make ourselves lesser or change the way we present just to be accepted by the majority, they move the goalposts, and someone else gets left behind. and the beautiful thing about the queer community is that there is a place for everyone who is left out in the cold by the straight, cis majority.

“We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” was the rallying cry for a reason. we’re different, you think we’re weird, you think we’re deviant, you don’t get us, and that’s fine, you don’t have to get us. we’re not going anywhere. get used to it.

respectability politics is a game you cannot win. so stop playing.

#respectability politics #queer #queer pride #lgbtq #long post cw #Anonymous

[milesfagworth]

nonbinary characters who experience and express gender in a way that isnt just androgyny are so fucking important to me. nonbinary characters who are allowed to really exist outside of the current (western) definitions and constraints of gender are so important and wonderful and each one that i find holds a deeply special place in my heart.

i love janet from the good place was the first such character and even still thinking about her makes me tear up sometimes. Janet was the first character that really made me, personally, feel represented in media. at the time, i identified, and then for a while described myself, as Janet, but masculine. Janet had a "gendered" name, used "gendered" pronouns, and presented herself in a manner typical to the gender associated with her name and pronouns. but time and time again, she reminds the people around her that she is Not That Gender. and eventually the people around her accept and respect that! she gets to fall in love, date, and marry a character who is presented as cishet, and does not change that because he falls in love with her! he respects her gender! its beautiful!

Juno Steel from the penumbra podcast is the next character who is desperately important to me. he uses he/him pronouns and masculine honorifics. but consistently is referred to by himself and others as a lady, and as a wife. i cannot remember off the top of my head if he is ever confirmed as generally presenting masculinely, but he definitely wears dresses on occasion! his gender and presentation (in this case mostly referring to the language he prefers rather than clothing) is mixed! not gender neutral, but a mix of what is traditionally considered masculine and feminine! and juno was such a gender awakening for me. the realization that i dont have to pick between being masculine, feminine, OR androgynous, but that i can choose to mix them all! i dont even have to choose something like femme guy or butch or fem/masc leaning androgynous. my gender doesnt have to fall on a gradient, it can be a splatter of all the different colors on the same canvas, but still distinct!

finally, a sort of honorable mention to Luz from the owl house. as far as i know, she isnt confirmed to be nonbinary, but she is gender non conforming in a few small ways that are very important to me. for example, at Fantasy Prom, she wears a tux top with a skirt! usually gnc gals are put in full suits, im not sure ive ever seen this sort of mixing in media. and at least once, she refers to herself with masculine language! i may be reading into it a bit much, but intentional or not, the subtext is there.

i love nonbinary characters that are allowed to be nonbinary in ways that really let them break from societal expectations. i love characters that are allowed to play with gender.

#???.text #trans #nonbinary #nb #enby #the good place #janet the good place #janet tgp #juno steel #the penumbra podcast #tpp #luz noseda #luz noceda #luz owl house #the owl house #owl house #toh #gender #queer

[rabdoidal]

Do you think referring to nonhuman animals as anything other than it/its or they/them might be bio essentialist and transphobic? I’ve been trying to work it out am not sure. The reason for wondering in the first place is because we all assign these gendered pronouns based on bio sex. Or “sex” given its constructed. And that just reinforces the idea you can assign gender based on looking at genitals. I hope in the future all babies are called they/them and presented with gender later so they can choose. With animals unless they can talk and relate to our cultures that will never happen. So they are forever it or they. That’s my reasoning

I'm going to assume this is a good faith question and not a TERF trying to gotcha me, but I will say it's very strange to approach a stranger (that you know is transgender) and engage them like this. If I were a trans person that wasn't educated in gender studies, this question would be difficult to answer, and may lead to confusion on the part of both parties. I am not openly an educator on these topics, these are my opinions.

I think the argument "we should use gender neutral terminology for animals" and "we should use gender neutral terminology for infants" are two wildly different topics of discussion. The reason why there is little legitimate discussion of animal pronouns in the popular imagination is because of two main reasons; gender is a social construct, and dysphoria is a social construct.

The idea that gender is seperate from sex (otherwise known as gender theory) emerged in the 80s, and I believe it accurately describes the human experience, being that I know transgender people, and I am myself a transgender person. It's a larger topic too big to tackle in this ask whether or not we would feel dysphoria or euphoria in a world without the concept of gendered separation and/or gender roles, but as is, gender theorists posit that the internal gender identity of a person does not necessarily match with their birth sex. The concept that sex was also a social construction didn't come about until later on, but I will address that later.

If we are to understand the construction of a gendered society as a collection of people in the same geographical location operating under the same social contract to, in theory, better themselves and the other people living in that society, then we can understand gender as something that is reinforced through language and action. To use english as my example, as the only language I'm familiar with, we have a set of pronouns each for "women" and "men," based on their capability to reproduce, and/or based on the role they fill in society. We additionally have a gender neutral set of pronouns we can use to refer to either a group or individual without indicating their capability to reproduce and/or the role they play in society. In this I am focussing mainly on these 3 pronouns, but neopronouns also have their own set of associations and characteristics.

Language, here, is all connotations - she/her is femininity, woman, submissive, mother, he/him is masculinity, man, dominant, provider, and they/them is neutral. However, this language falls apart when people like butch lesbians and femme boys, who may or may not identify as non-binary or transgender, use different pronouns than is expected of them, which we see most prominently during the 60s-90s. A butch may use he/him pronouns, work as a mechanic, have a cis femme wife or girlfriend, but still identify as a lesbian woman. Pronouns here do not indicate his capability to reproduce, as it is not relevant to his experience as a lesbian, but it may on some level indicate his role in society. He is masculine, works a service job, is acting as the butch to his wife's femme, and to many people may represent a form of masculinity most associated with men who use he/him pronouns.

When considering gender as something reinforced through action, we may observe how texts (used here to mean all forms of entertainment/knowledge that communicate meaning) have been used throughout all written history to create the idea of gender, to associate signs and signifiers to the experience of "woman" and "man" that create a gap between the two categories that is wider than a canyon. From infancy, different children are given different toys, wear different clothes, and have adults treat them differently - the way we currently treat our children has been shown in sociological studies to be extremely detrimental down the line, as it leads to dysphoria, bullying, and shame. The actions we take to reinforce the categories of gender - both within and without ourselves - creates an even bigger divide, especially within children's minds. That's why I do think raising children gender-neutrally and allowing them to choose their own identity as they grow would be a more ideal world - even moreso, the idea that children can change how they identify without backlash, allowing kids to play with and experience gender without negative repercussions.

The concept of language and action within a society does not apply to animals.

Every language has different pronouns, different words to use to describe and refer to people and objects, but the difference between people and animals is that we formed both shared languages, and the concept of gender - therefor, we also created gender euphoria/dysphoria. Humans have no way of accurately communicating with animals, no way of understanding if they have a shared form of language or communication, and therefor, no way of knowing how they would like to be referred to. But furthermore, animals don't care how we refer to them, because they both don't understand us, and have no concept of gendered expectations/shame. Your cat will not look at you any differently if you use he/him to they/them to fae/faeself pronouns. Even on the other side of the argument, to say "we should all refer to them with they/them or it/its pronouns exclusively" would not be correct, because if animals did have a constructed language and pronouns, they would not use the same pronouns we came up with.

Whatever pronouns you choose to use for your pet has a social connotations, not for them, but for you. Unfortunately, we still live in an emphatically gendered society, and people may treat you differently if you choose to use pronouns that "don't align with their sex," because unfortunately people are nosy and opinionated. The only context where pronouns for animals matter is in the context of veterinary care as a shorthand for what the animal's sex is. This is also ultimately imperfect, as sex is also a social construction, and each living creature, regardless of sex or gender, has a unique body and a unique experience of their sex and/or gender.

The english language in particular has failed to include a pronoun for an intersex individual pre-gender theory - even before we knew that gender =/= pronouns =/= sex, there is no clear 50/50 split line on what is a vagina and what is a penis, and for why you must use a particular set of pronouns to refer to a person with "either one". In animals as well, intersexuality is an observed and common phenomena, and there is no logical reason why we can still claim that there are 2 sexes, when there are over a dozen observed categories for genital development in relation to internal organs and sexual function. As someone with PCOS myself, there are many gender theorists talking about how PCOS aligns on the intersex spectrum, as there are hormone levels that affects internal, external, and secondary sex characteristic development in AFAB individuals.

We can't boil down sex or gender into neat categories, and if we can't even listen to and respect our differently sexed and gendered minorities, expecting people to use gender-neutral language towards animals as a social priority is distracting from the people who are actually affected by society's gendered language and actions. I promise an animal does not and cannot care if you misgender it, but a human person will. The only circumstance where pronouns that align with the animal's sex may be useful is in a veterinary context, but even that can be reductive. Ultimately, if it makes you more comfortable to use gender neutral language for animals, I think you should follow that through. What I don't agree with is comparing the plight of gender diverse human beings to animals that are incapable of caring of how we refer to them. It is not transphobic to refer to animals with any pronoun because they do not care, I promise.

Also, you should buy me a kofi for making me spend half an hour writing this.

#personal #long post #gender theory #ask to tag

[goosemixtapes]

ok i’ve elected to just Make The Damn Post My Damn Self because i need something to link back to when i inevitably get into arguments about this because i have run-my-mouth disorder. so. slightly-more-generally-applicable companion piece to this post:

“but how can lesbians use he/him pronouns???!?1???”

1: pronouns =/= gender.

one of the arguments i see a lot with this topic is “pronouns = gender, & saying otherwise is transphobic.” i GET this, because pronouns are important & often correlate with gender, but saying pronouns = gender is oversimplified. pronouns are a method of gender presentation - same as clothing, name, & so on & so forth. society genders all of these things, but names & clothing do not prescribe gender. a man, cis or trans, who decides to wear a dress does not become a woman because of the dress; a woman, cis or trans, with a traditionally “masculine” name (ex. bailey, taylor, cameron), does not become a man because of the name. closeted trans people, if they must use names and wear clothing correlated with their agab, are still trans & are still the gender they are.

yes, most binary-gendered people choose clothing & names that “match” their gender, but some might not! think of butch lesbians -- they are women, just deliberately gendernonconforming women. pronouns are the same way -- the majority of men use “masculine” pronouns, & the majority of women use “feminine” pronouns, but this is because pronouns are a form of gender expression/presentation.

“pronouns =/= gender” does not equate to “i can misgender whoever i want.” pronouns should always be respected.

2: nonbinary people can use whatever pronouns they want.

this follows from #1. yeah, i’d say the majority of nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. but not all nonbinary people dress totally androgynously; some present more feminine or more masculine. the same is true for pronouns. nonbinary people may use she/her or he/him pronouns as part of their presentation - think of jonathan van ness (uses primarily he/him) or rebecca sugar (uses she/her along with they/them). this isn’t even getting into neopronouns; that’s a whole different post. the point is that restricting nonbinary people to they/them pronouns really misses the point of identifying as nonbinary: it’s not a third slot in the gender binary; it’s the general state of existing outside or partially outside of it.

(note: cis people can also use whatever pronouns they want. some cis lesbians use he/him; i’ll get to he/him lesbians a few slots down, but i just want to make it clear that sometimes cis people also use pronouns to express gender nonconformity & that’s their business & the same idea!)

3: lesbians can be nonbinary.

nonbinary =/= totally genderless. sometimes, for some people, it does mean that! but not for everyone. see #2 again, on trying to make nonbinary a strictly defined third gender.

(note: this doesn’t only apply to lesbians. this honestly applies to anyone. i’m just talking about lesbians because that’s My Lane.)

lesbians in particular often have complex relationships with gender, & have for literal decades. as womanhood is to a large degree constructed in contrast to & in relation to manhood, lesbian gender has kind of taken on its own thing since we just... are never in relationships with men, ever, which muddles the whole thing up. (also, womanhood is often a generally uncomfortable and muddled thing because of, you know, misogyny, so there’s that.) thus, a lot of lesbians feel disconnected from “womanhood” as an idea.

a lot of people like to protest nonbinary lesbians by saying “but a lesbian is a GIRL who likes GIRLS!!!1!!” yes. we... we know. the thing is, though, that if any nonbinary person identifies as a lesbian, they are probably close enough to womanhood to count as a wlw! the term “lesbian” automatically brings “women who love women” to people’s minds. if a nonbinary person is uncomfortable associating with womanhood at all, literally why would they use that term. it stands to reason that the people who DO use that term feel at least a tangential connection there.

a lot of lesbians define their gender solely as “lesbian.” in my own experience, the ONLY connection i feel toward womanhood is liking girls in a gay way. the attraction i feel toward women is gay attraction - i am attracted to women who like women. i do not want to date a straight woman who sees me as a man. if i didn’t like women, i wouldn’t have this connection & would probably identify otherwise - but i do like women & as it is that’s pretty much... what my gender is. (this is why people may say their gender is “butch” or “femme” -- it’s the same idea of a gender defined by attraction & the way you relate to women!)

for some people, nonbinary does mean totally genderless. for others, it just means anything that isn’t strictly binary. hence why some lesbians may consider themselves nonbinary - not entirely woman, but woman enough to be a lesbian. an example in layman’s terms: you know how “berry” lacroix tastes like it maybe saw a berry, once, from a distance? my gender is lacroix and the flavor is woman.

4: lesbians can thus use whatever pronouns they want.

i think this one is like... a geometry proof. #2 (nonbinary people can use any pronouns) + #3 (lesbians can be nonbinary) makes this one pretty simple. while the rest of this post will be about he/him lesbians, because that’s what i see the most “discourse” about, lesbians can use she/her or they/them or he/him or it/its or xe/xem or Any Other Pronouns They Want. Any.

5: “but why would a lesbian ever want to use he/him pronouns?”

people who ask this are usually asking one of these more specific questions:

“but if you use he/him, aren’t you a man?” see #1.

“but why would lesbians want to use masculine pronouns when lesbianism is about women?” i don’t know. why do butch lesbians dress masculinely? why do they often use masculine names or nicknames? it’s about the deliberate gender nonconformity, something that has been central to lesbian communities for literal decades. pronouns are another form of presentation (see #1); using pronouns other than she/her is another form of nonconformity.

“masculine clothing and names i get -- but why pronouns? that feels a little much.” i do get this! i used to feel the same way! but the criteria for being a lesbian is like... 1) not a man 2) a woman or at least sort of connected to being a woman (see #3) (yes, this includes trans lesbians, who are not men) 3) attracted to women and not men. that’s the criteria. that’s all.

& i would like to think that some of you have the best intentions. but i would really, really caution you away from trying to disqualify people from iding as lesbians because of the pronouns they use. saying “well, clearly lesbians can wear masculine clothes and have masculine names, but the pronouns are a step too far” doesn’t make any sense -- where do you draw the line? at what point are you trying to define when someone is “too masculine to be a lesbian?” and why do you feel the need to do that?

this goes double for nonlesbians. i’ll repeat: really, honestly ask yourself why you feel the need to do that.

(note: butch lesbians aren’t the only lesbians who are gender nonconforming and they aren’t the only ones who use he/him pronouns! but i’ve found this is very common among butches, more so than other lesbians, + it’s another space where i can speak from personal experience.)

6: “wait but this feels kind of TERFy. are you saying trans men can be lesbians?”

oh no. oh god no. lesbians = not men. trans men = men. (& trans women = trans women, & TERFS can choke.)

i think there is a misconception among some trans men (especially transmedicalists) that he/him lesbians are trying to tell trans men they aren’t “real men” & thus undermining their identities. the idea is that we’re saying, “hey, look, lesbians can use whatever pronouns we want! thus, you don’t need to transition :) you can use he pronouns and still be a gay woman :)” to which the obvious response is “i’m not a woman and this is transphobic.”

but i... honestly truly have never seen a he/him lesbian say that. we aren’t the same! even if we use the same pronouns, even if we may take some of the same steps to feel gender euphoria (ex. wearing more masculine clothing, binding/going on T for afab lesbians), we are not the same! trans men = men. men cannot be lesbians. he/him lesbians = people who are not men, but have a complicated relationship to womanhood. thus:

he/him lesbians =/= trans men.

there is no correlation.

(note: i lied. there is one correlation. the correlation is friends and allies. trans men i’m on your team and i hope you’re having a good day. my right to exist is not mutually exclusive with yours; we’re fighting similar battles.)

7. “okay, i guess, but i still don’t really get it?”

that’s okay!! gender is confusing as shit (plus this was a long & slightly repetitive post, because i wanted to make sure i covered all my bases). here are some things you can do if you still don’t understand:

a) talk to more he/him lesbians! maybe my explanation doesn’t really do it for you, but someone else’s will! (if you’re interested in lesbian history, i can recommend stone butch blues, which can be downloaded as a PDF from leslie feinberg’s website. the main character’s relationship to gender isn’t quite the same as the one explained in this post -- jess has to use he/him & pass as male to stay safe -- but it’s still a good read that gets into the complexity of lesbian gender. the lesbian mc participates in butch/femme culture, gets top surgery, & later has a relationship with a trans woman -- so, basically, corroborating what i’ve said about how lesbians can do all of these things & still be lesbians.)

b) if you don’t have the time/energy/desire to talk to more he/him lesbians, that’s fine! just respect us. respect our pronouns. don’t misgender us; don’t call us men or say we aren’t lesbians. you don’t have to get it to accept us.

c) here’s a secret. if you still don’t understand, but you are no longer seeking help understanding & you’ve decided to just vibe and respect us without totally Getting It - that is totally fine. you don’t need to tell us this :) saying “hey, i don’t really get it, could you help?” is one thing. saying “hey, i still don’t get it. not asking for help, just letting you know” is uh. is like. um. okay thanks for informing me?? i guess ??

i understand that not everyone will Get It. but if you’re using my pronouns & respecting my identity, i do not need to hear that you don’t actually get it because my gender is super complicated. it is a little, er, how you say, impolite. (again - not the same as asking for help! i’m totally open to answer any questions anyone has.)

_______________________________________________________________________

source: i am a he/him lesbian.

you are allowed & politely encouraged to reblog this post.

if anyone would like to add to this post -- particularly other lesbians and/or trans women (as i’m tme and don’t want to overstep) -- feel free!

if anyone would like to ask me to elaborate on something, feel free to ask in the reblogs, replies, or in my inbox/dms!

if anyone would like to clown on this post and say some lesbophobic or transphobic bullshit without reading what i wrote, please block me, log off, & go trip over something <3

#max.txt #long post #WOOF. long post. im so sorry i have a lot to say #he/him lesbians

[criticalrolo]

Hi! Please ignore if you don't want to answer or don't feel comfy doing so! I know it isn't your responsibility to educate others but idk who else to ask. I'm a "shrug and move on" "it's okay not to understand but it's someone's reality so go with it" person but i want to understand this. How does a nonbinary individual use gendered pronouns for a gender they aren't? Thank you!

Hey there! I think the easiest way to deconstruct this is to uncouple the idea that specific pronouns are Inherently Tied To Just One Gender — like, there’s a long history of Butch lesbians using he/him pronouns for example, but definitely still being Lesbian Women and not Men. That’s why people usually use the phrase, for example, “I use she/her pronouns” instead of “I use women’s pronouns” because it’s not as cut and dry as that.

Another thing to keep in mind is that gender is a spectrum and the idea of “non-binary” doesn’t mean “third gender.” Some non-binary people are Completely agender, some feel more like they are bigender, and plenty of people fall closer to one end of the binary spectrum than the other. Like for example I use she/he/they pronouns and am comfortable with any of them because I feel like that encompasses my identity the best, and I have some other non-binary friends who exclusively use they/them because they don’t feel like she/her or he/him fit them right. I have another non-binary friend who uses almost exclusively she/her pronouns because that’s what she’s the most comfortable with. There’s basically an infinite amount of ways to Be Non-binary while tbh. There’s not an infinite amount of pronouns available for Wide Use and simply making do with the pronouns we have is the Easiest Solution in English right now.

Basically: pronouns are not inherently tied to gender, and are indicators of how a person identifies but are not the end all be all of What Their Gender Is.

For an easy beginning place that I KNOW there’s writing for if you’re interested in more research into this, I’d recommend looking up things like the bar scene for Butch lesbians in the 50s and the historical practices of he/him queer women. Leslie Feinberg wrote a lot of good stuff but also just a Google search of “he/him lesbians” will bring up some good stuff that’s a great starting point for unpacking the idea that gender and pronouns are the same thing.

[max--phillips]

You don’t have to answer at all, and pls don’t take this as me being a hater. But could you clarify a little how you use he/they pronouns but also identify as a lesbian? Isn’t it meant to be a woman who is attracted (sexually or otherwise) to women?

OK I am home & now I can give this a thoughtful answer

So, the blanket answer that encompasses a lot of different lesbian experiences is simply that pronouns do not equal gender, gender is wobbly and confusing at best, and there is a rich history of non-binary and butch (or both) lesbians who use a variety of pronouns. Of course each person’s reasoning is going to differ, but that’s the gist, right?

So, personally, I’d say both my gender and my sexuality are best described as “lesbian.” I’m not entirely certain how to explain it any better than that. That said, while it isn’t wrong to define being a lesbian as being a woman who is attracted to other women, it’s also reasonable to define it as a woman who is attracted to people who aren’t men. Granted, that’s pretty vague, and it still might exclude people who aren’t men but identify in such a way they don’t feel comfortable with dating someone who identifies as a lesbian. Like I said, gender is wobbly and confusing.

And while I am nonbinary, and therefore don’t identify as a woman, I dont… not identify as a woman? Like, when people talk about “women” as a group I’m like “ya that’s me” but then someone refers to me as A Woman and I’m like “now hang on just one second.” Plus I identify very strongly with the butch lesbian label (strong enough I intend to start T soon !) and there are SO many butches out there who use he/him. She/her doesn’t feel right for me, so I don’t use it. Simple as that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I realize that this might cause a little more confusion than give answers so if you have any questions or want me to clarify something please let me know :’) I just spent 30 minutes waiting to get out of a parking garage for. Some reason ?? Idk what the holdup was but it’s almost midnight n I’m sleepy so rjghebdjs

#tori answers questions #max answers questions #anonymous #good question anon ily 💖

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Gender Thoughts Pt 1 and 2

The first time I put a binder on, a little under a week ago, I felt euphoric. Ever since I hit puberty very early on, I felt uncomfortable with my breasts. They never felt right on me, and even though I’ve come to love them sometimes, they still don’t always feel like they match up. I hated how people always looked at them, pointed out how much they showed in low cut shirts when I never even noticed they were--or even wanted them to. They were just there. I liked the way low cut shirts feel and look on me, I just can’t help these giant sacks of flesh that sit on my chest. 

Except...now I can! I ran my hands over my smooth chest, feeling bright. I looked into the mirror, and felt something warm wash over me. I put on my new masculine clothes, letting my partner clip on my new suspenders. I realized that I was shaking as I looked at myself again… I looked like a boy. I felt like a boy. Like a man. And I liked it. I wanted it. Admitting that to myself was like coming home. 

I remember being in sixth grade, walking around the track for my civil air patrol class. I had been slotted in with the rest of the girls, the boys walking ahead of us. I remember feeling uncomfortable being shoved in with only girls, and looking at the gaggle of boys ahead. The exact thought that whispered in my brain was “I wish I was a boy. I want to be like them, with them.” I never forgot that moment, and how strange it made me feel. How it was easier to shake that thought away, and dismiss those feelings. Except they never really left, did they? 

I remember sitting on my bed, crying with my best friend kneeling in front of me. I remember telling her how I didn’t like feeling like a woman all the time. That I wished I could be a black shadow, monstrous, androdynous. Specifically like Venom. She took my hand, did my makeup all in black and helped me pick out the perfect black outfit to achieve that dark, gothic look. I was so incredibly happy and validated. But I still felt like something was missing. 

I remember going into an Adam and Eve for laugh, not expecting much since I am an asexual with a low libido. I remember seeing packers and feeling my chest tighten. I never liked my genitalia--I had wished for a cloaca or something akin to that, but since that was biologically impossible for a human… I sometimes wished I had the opposite of a vagina. I frequently imagined what it would be like to have a penis. I frequently lamented the fact that I didn’t have one. I took the box up to the counter to ask some questions, my dress swishing as I went. The cashier told me it was for trans people only, and a girl like me couldn’t have it. She didn’t know what asexuality was, and had tried polyamory once but decided it was bad when her girlfriend kissed her boyfriend. I was upset, disheartened, and left the store empty handed feeling frustrated and lost.

I remember finally cutting the long, curly locks that had frustrated and imprisoned me for so long. Seeing all of my hair fall to the floor, staring into the mirror as the barber buzzed the back of my head… It made me want to cry tears of joy. It was the first time in my entire life that I had looked at my hair and was happy. The first time I could look in the mirror and feel like myself. Then I remember wanting to go shorter, and my barber encouraging me to keep it a little longer so I didn’t look manly, so I could still be soft and feminine. The way my stomach dropped and the sick feeling in my chest only increased when he began to make fun of the gay men who came down the street near his favorite restaurant. I never saw that barber again. I instead found a nice local place down the road from my apartment, where the kind lady cut it all off without question, other than “Why?” and accepted my warm “It makes me happy. It makes me feel beautiful.” 

But wearing that binder for the first time? It was as if a beam of light had funneled its way directly into my heart. I felt like a handsome man, with just a little bit of striking man boob, and it felt so right. My partner called me a dashing boy and my heart began to race. I still feel his hand tracing my jawline as he called me handsome, and the butterflies it sent up through my belly, even after more than eleven years. 

I love my partner--he identifies as agender and primarily masculine, and has been on the lookout for a good pair of size thirteen shoes to wear with a dress. They also wear joggers and flip flops and graphic tees and can’t seem to stop talking about the ocean and outer space. They’re probably one of my biggest inspirations for finding myself, and being authentically me. 

I’m not super sure who or what I am right now. I’m still figuring that out, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere between agender and genderfluid. I feel like me more than anything else, but all pronouns make me feel good. I feel like all of them and none of them at once, but I swing between wanting to be feminine and masculine pretty strongly, though I enjoy being masculine most of all--even when I’m wearing dresses and pink. I feel like a beautiful person in a dress or a button down, no matter what gender I feel like today or tomorrow. 

I am me. And I am one dashing boy, and one beautiful girl. 

4 July 2021

XXX

Since first writing this little essay, I’ve been doing a lot more examination of my gender. I have come to the conclusion that I am transmasc and nonbinary, and am shaky on the title of genderfluid. I am feeling less and less like a woman--if anything, occasionally adjacent to a woman rather than actually being one. I love feeling like and presenting as a man. I have my first appointment with a gender services doctor at my local community clinic for consultation on starting hrt testosterone. I am planning to start with low dose first, and see how I feel. 

I am still unsure of my exact identity, but I have found great euphoria with being and presenting as a man. I love being a man and everything that entails. I have loved myself like never before. Being with my partner is amazing, and he has been endlessly supportive--even recounting little things they had noticed throughout the years. One of the funniest being that I only ever referred to my body parts--my belly, hands, hair, genitalia--with masculine pronouns. I always seemed to see my body as male even if I had a certain sort of dissonance from it. 

Coming out has been difficult. I have had both positive and negative experiences from it. I have been told going on testosterone would be self harm, and that I can’t be something I’m not. I’ve had coworkers I trusted out me without my permission. But I have also had positive affirmation, polite questions, and discussions. I am terrified to tell my mother and her boyfriend--I have no idea how they will react and am terrified that I will be disrespected and disowned. 

But I am prepared to do whatever it takes to be my happiest and most authentic self. 

I have been binding a lot more often, wearing sports bras for long shifts at work, and occasionally going without either when I feel like letting my man boobs hang free. I’ve had the delightful experience of going to a men’s big and tall store and finally wearing pants. I grew up as a fat girl and felt as if I had to perform high femininity to be taken seriously and be treated well--and had been told by someone I trusted that I was too fat to wear pants, which I heavily internalized. So I had completely cast them away in favor of dresses and skirts, bows and gaudy jewelry. Realizing that I could wear pants was...totally wild. That I could be comfortable and look good in pants and shorts, and that it didn’t matter what people did or thought of me was life changing. Maybe I’ll feel like being feminine again someday, but right now this masculinity and masculine clothing, with perhaps the added spice of funky earrings, feels like home. 

I also grew up autistic and with PCOS, both which I think have affected my gender identity. Being autistic, I truly struggled to connect to others socially, and especially to understand societal norms. Being a proper woman felt like I was making up for everything else I was lacking--I may have been awkward, semi-verbal and weird with no friends, but at least I was cute and girlish. I never connected to womanhood though, and always felt out of place no matter how hard I tried. With PCOS, I had heightened testosterone, which meant wider breasts and shoulders, a lack of periods, and excessive body hair. I recall the endocrinologist asking high school age me if I had excessive body hair around my stomach, breasts, etc. and my mother jumping to say no I didn’t...even though I did. I remember suddenly feeling very self aware and ashamed of something completely natural, and even something I started to enjoy. I started shaving my entire body then. 

I even remember being in middle school, and thinking nothing of my hairy legs. In fact, I loved my body hair and how it felt. A rude girl began making fun of me though, tutting her tongue as she cooed, “Aw, does your mommy not let you shave?” Among other things, all throughout many years of severe bullying and abuse. I remember feeling ashamed, but not knowing why, and immediately shaving my legs, covering them in nicks from my shaky and unsteady hands, that same night. 

So many things set me back in my gender expression. So many things contributed to me willful ignorance and denial. I remember wanting to be butch, and everyone in my life laughing at me and saying I was too soft for that. That sweet, sharp ache in my chest. I remember going to a salad bar with my mother, wearing a button up and telling her I wanted to wear some more boyish clothes around that same time--I had already told her that I was bi sometime earlier. I remember her lip curling, looking uncomfortable, and telling me that I better not become one of those boy girls. My late father was very vocal in denouncing homosexuality and specifically men loving men--something which always sat horribly wrong with me on a deeper level. 

I think I might ending up being a trans man. I am still unsure and figuring myself out, but I struggle greatly with the autistic need for sameness vs. the trans need for change. My sapphic love of women has always been very important to me, and fully becoming a man rather than genderfluid is scary for that very reason. I am still navigating my identity and what it means to me and my reality--but no matter what, being a man, being masculine is integral to who I am. 

I was called a “sir” at a job interview for the first time the other day, and nearly began to bawl from sheer joy. The gender euphoria from that and so many moments is worth so much more to me than the years of suffering and ignorance and my ongoing struggles with dysphoria. I finally got a packer and have had help from my partner in learning to position it properly--I am thinking of cutting my hair even shorter. I have almost perfected a pretty basic tie tying skill. Okay, not really, but I’m getting there. I feel deep inside that even though my father loved me, he would not like who and what I am. Still, I wear the last watch he ever wore, and hope to be a good man like him--and to learn from the toxic parts of him to be an even better man. 

I am very excited to start hrt. I am terrified of hair loss and vaginal atrophy, but I look forward to so much more. I cannot wait for bottom growth and body hair, for the voice drop that will hopefully get me misgendered less. I have always felt disconnected from my voice and look forward to getting to know it better as it changes with me. I look forward to meeting with new facial hair. Working out and growing muscle. I just look forward to my second puberty and becoming more like myself. I look forward to navigating and exploring my gender even further, both with loved ones, support groups, and myself. 

More than anything, I am just happy to be me. 

25 August 2021

#transmasc #ftm #ftx #gender #genderqueer #transgender #trans #lgbt #lgbtq #trans man #nonbinary #genderfluid #poets of tumblr #spilled thoughts #gender expression #low dose t #hrt

[a-gender]

Clearing out the askbox!

Anonymous said to a-gender: Idk if you'll even answer this but how do you know if ur agender cause I'm so fuckin confused about gender and this is the one option I haven't explored much yet. Like how do u know??????

Anonymous said to a-gender: How do u know ur agender. I assume is different for everyone, but I'm currently questioning and have no idea what I'm doing.🙃

Anonymous said to a-gender: Hello, TrevorSpace brought me here. I’m really confused about my gender right now and I’m going through a crisis. I feel agender but I still feel like a girl. If anyone can help me, I’d appreciate it greatly :)

Anonymous said to a-gender: Hey. Is nonbinary for specific for trans people? And those who don't feel like they have a gender is agender? Sometimes I feel they/them but okay with she/her. Does that mean I'm agender?

Anonymous said to a-gender: Hi, recently I've started identifying as agender because it feels exactly right for me. I have a very fem presentation just bc I like that style, and I've spent 6+ years calling myself a lesbian too. Can I possibly be agender and a lesbian? I don't know how to understand my sexuality outside of 'lesbian' bc that's what it's been shaped by so thoroughly, I like women and use they/she pronouns. Confused what I should do.

---------------------

Hi there! My apologies for the long wait--I've been very busy. I decided to group these together since they all deal with a very similar theme.

As far as how I personally realized I was agender--like I've said previously on here, a lot of it was realizing that any idea of gender as far as how it related to me, myself, and I was very little more than a wiggly hand-gesture static noise. 'Gender' has meaning when I think of other people, but not when I think about myself.

You can also explore terms like gendervague, gendervoid, and genderless, which are related terms but not necessarily quite the same as agender (your mileage may vary).

As far as feeling agender but also like a girl, assuming that 'girl' is gender-based and not presentation based--there are terms like girlflux, genderflux, etc. that might help! Those are more along the lines of a spectrum between 0 and "girl" that your gender might fluctuate up and down along.

Nonbinary is an umbrella term, as well as a specific gender! Agender falls under the nonbinary umbrella, and an agender person is both agender and nonbinary, but a nonbinary person may not be agender (and very well might be "just" nonbinary!).

It's important to remember that pronouns don't equal gender. If you like they/them and she/her, it doesn't mean that you're necessarily agender. You could be a whole host of things. For example, I use she/her, they/them, and ey/em and I'm agender, but my best friend uses she/her and they/them and is not agender. I wish I could be more help here, but unfortunately all your pronoun set "means" is... that you have a pronoun set.

The fact that you say you feel like you don't have a gender could certainly point to being agender, however!

Gender also does not equal presentation! Having a feminine presentation doesn't necessarily mean anything as far what your gender is (and don't forget about butch/masc lesbians!). However! The whole 'lesbian and now agender lesbian' thing is very familiar to me, because I went through the same thing! You can absolutely be agender and a lesbian, if that's what jives with how you see yourself.

If any of you have any followup questions, don't hestitate to let me know!

---mod Ama

#mod ama #anonymous #answered #questioning