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adventuringblind · 10 months

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Catch me because I'd hate to fall

Charles Leclerc x reader

Synopsis: Reader is afraid of heights and a game of truth or dare puts them in the last place they want to be.

Warnings: panic attack, flashback, not proofread (We die like the Ferrari strategists)

Notes: Google translated French, no use of Y/N, Charles is a simp

Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

Truth or dare is a game for teenagers who are determined to learn eachothers secrets. Or that's what you originally thought.

Racing drivers are not normally the type to sit around on the floor playing games that are used for diabolical purposes. Or that's what you had assumed.

You had been wrong on both.

It's a calm weekend, no races or PR obligations. Max thought it would be nice to have a small get-together with some of the drivers who are currently in Monaco.

Charles thought it sounded like a wonderful idea and convinced you to join him at Max and Kelly's apartment for dinner.

"It this a casual thing? Or do I need to dress up?" You rummaged through drawers looking for something that felt right.

"I think it's casual, but if wanted to wear a ballgown I wouldn't stop you because I'm happy when you're comfortable." Charles days from across the room where he is currently getting dressed.

"What if I wore pajamas?"

"My prior statement still holds true. You are the most beautiful human regardless of what you're wearing." His smile makes a hint of red creep into your cheeks. You've been dating for two years, and he still manages to make you get flustered.

You ended up settling on a pair of jeans and one of your charles' t-shirts. A small dinner with friends didn't call for anything much.

You examine yourself in the mirror, making sure everything looks correct before charles appears behind you. An exaggerated look of amazement crosses his face.

"See! Gorgeous! Beautiful! Completely stole my breath away!"

You spin around and place a quick kiss on his cheek.

When you arrived there were already people there. Lando, Daniel, Pierre, Carlos, zand George (most with their respective significant other).

After a pleasant dinner and a few drinks, everyone found themselves laughing at the dumbest thing while sitting in a circle around the living room.

"I have the most amazing idea!" Daniel practically screamed at everyone. Everyone eyed him nervously as his idea's somtimes were not the most wise. Lando Max makes a gesture for him to continue since his outburst got everyone's attention.

"We should play truth or dare."

You looked at Charles nervously. This game never led to anything good back in your high-school years. But the air of the room made you relax and agree to it.

Before anything could start, shrles leaned into you and whispered "You don't have to play mon amour if you don't want to." His words only reassured you that you would be okay playing.

"You suggested the game you go first," Max pointed at Daniel. "Truth or dare, mate?"

"Dare obviously"

The game went perfectly. Everyone is laughing, doing weird and embarrassing things, and sharing stories.

Until it came back to you.

Lando, who had just finished attempting the alphabet backwards, made eye contact with you.

"Truth or dare?"

You feeling a bit risky decided on "dare."

Lando rubs his chin for a moment. "Okay, I dare you to go up to the roof and recreate that one scene from the titanic with charles."

"You mean the one where they are dangling over the edge of the boat?" Pierre asked.

"Yup! Exactly! All happy and lovey dovey, it'll be so cute!"

It seemed harmless. But the mete mention of the top of the building had your breath caught in your throat.

Charles having noticed this leaned in discreetly once again and whispered "don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to."

You, however, were terrified of everyone discovering your deathly fear of heights. Charles knew because anytime you got on a plane, it was rough. You used to not be afraid, but after having to jump into the safety of firefighters from twenty stories up in a burning building, things hadn't been the same. Falling had become something that haunted your nightmares.

Regardless, you shook your head and went to get your shoes. Since Max lives close to the top anyways, you decided on the stairs. Only hoping to delay the inevitable for a while.

The top of the stairs came too fast. Having opened the door to soon.

The night air brings you back to the present and reminds you why you were here. You could blame the shaking on the crisp Monaco air, but that would be a lie.

You step onto the roof, everyone shuffling out behind you.

One foot in front of the other, closer to the ledge.

Charles never lets your hand go. "I promise that if you back out I will not laugh and I will not let them say a single thing about." He pauses and turns you to face him. "But if you get on the ledge, then I promise I will not let you fall." His eyes and voice are determined and concentrated. Every ounce of you wanted to just leap into his arms and run away. Yet the other emotion, the pride he has for you for making it this far, makes you push just a little more.

Soon your toes are one step up from the edge. An inch of cement guarding you from what could be a disaster.

Your body shakes, your mind going white at the thought of falling. The feeling of your stomach flipping as you fall to your demise.

Inhale. One foot up. Exhale. The other meets it.

Your eyes screw shut. Your body is practically giving out on you.

Charles stands behind you now. His arms encircle your torso and waist. Tying you down to reality as everything else slips away.

Your eyes open. Then they fall.

It's the same thing. The heat makes you want to take the leap. Into to safe embrace of first responders. When did it get so hot? Why are you sweating so much?

There was no time. The building was about to collapse. They are shouting. Comforting words of encouragement. Maybe you can jump.

Your arms go out to help you balance. Then you lean into the pull of gravity. But you don't budge.

"Amour!"

Charles, why was he in the building with you?

Realization came flooding back through your senses. Charles' arms straining to hold you in place.

"Shift your weight towards me, you can do it." His voice gently coaxing you made you realize the building is safe. There is no fire.

You shift your weight backward and fall in charles. The both of you gracefully find the ground.

Warm tears roll down your cheek as Charles refuses to let you go from his embrace.

"I'm so sorry," you sob.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispers.

The night ended quickly after that. Lando apologized for giving you such a dare, and you countered that he didn't know.

Later that night, fast asleep in Charles' arms, your dreams were not haunted by the smell of smoke and your body flipping through the air. Instead, you were meant with Charles holding you upwards to touch the clouds.

#x reader #charles lecrelc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #f1 #f1 fic #formula one #ferrari #charles lechair #charles leclerc fic #max verstappen #pierre gasly #lando norris #carlos sainz #charles leclerc is a simp and you can't change my mind #charles leclerc x girlfriend!reader #hurt/comfort #fear of heights #im not actually afraid of heights im afraid of clowns byt that seemed harder to write about

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sethcertified · 1 year

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「 SCREAM FOR YOU ! 」 . . . 📁 HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

scream : billy loomis, stu macher

wrd count : 822

⊹˚.⋆ synopsis . . . a brief flashback into [name] & billy’s history

⊹˚.⋆ starring . . . billy loomis, stu macher, & male reader

Stu, Billy, and I were walking side by side as we walked down the bustling neighborhood. Kids our age and younger were running around in brand new Halloween costumes carrying big bins of candy.

It was our final year in middle school together, so we decided to go all out for trick or treating. Billy was dressed up as the Candyman since it had been his favorite horror movie since we all saw it together in the movie theater. Stu had gone for a more comedic look dressing up as Carrie. Although the two wanted me to join in on their horror themed costumes I was dressed up as Fred from Drop Dead Fred.

The night felt like it was never ending with more houses begging for us to take their delicious candy as we turned down each corner of the neighborhood. Stu definitely had the most between the three of us though with his boundless charm and charisma with the parents who tried to subtly give him extra candy without Billy and I noticing. Those efforts failed; however, with our observant eyes noticing everything and anything.

Although it didn't feel like it the night did have to come to an end eventually. Our trio sat on the large porch of Stu's house munching on the large amounts of candy filling up our bags as we talked about meaningless things like most teenage boys do.

Except for the fact Billy and Stu were not like most teenage boys I knew. They had an obsession with horror films so strong it was slightly concerning. Their obsession had bothered me at first, but as time went on and they dragged me to more and more horror movie seeings at the movie theaters I learned to love horror films as much as they do.

Which was ever so apparent now as the two boys sitting next to me argued over Child's Play 3 for the billionth time.

Stu wasn't one for plots, but rather enjoyed the goriness of the film, "Okay, but this film had too high of a standard to live up to! Child's Play 2 was a masterpiece, so of course this one wouldn't be as good, but it's still fun to watch!"

Billy, on the other hand, hated mindless slasher films with no substance, "This is the weakest film in the franchise so far. I mean the death scenes are fun, but the plot lacks real substance."

A delicate smile was spread across my face as I watch the two boys argue. I admired the fierceness on their faces as they argued over their stances.

Sadly, our fun was interrupted by Stu's mom calling him inside. Billy and I shared a frown as we waved bye to Stu as he stood sadly at his front door. The light escaping from the open door died out as his mom shut it closed, leaving Billy and me alone in the darkness.

The darkness that filled our surroundings made me tense. It was embarrassing that at the age of 14 I still had a fear of the dark, so I usually kept it to myself. Billy gave me a concerned look, but just shrugged it off when I flashed him a forced smile.

The two of us walked along the bumpy, countryside road as we left the huge Matcher house. I stuck close to Billy too scared to be far from him in the dark.

Our hands would touch ever so slightly, but when it happened it sent my naive, preteen mind wild. Billy was cute. His cuteness wasn't helping my disdain towards my recent feelings towards him. Recent feelings bottled up inside of me that I wasn't sure I was allowed to feel.

The touch of our hands broke me out of my thoughts. It was different this time. Billy's hand was now holding mine. I glanced fearfully at our hands before glancing up at Billy.

He held a look of certainty in his eyes that was opposite of mine.

With a stride forward he pressed our lips together. My blood ran hot at the feeling, and panic was coming over me like a tsunami. I pushed the boy away, and he fell to the ground with an oomph as his candy spilled around him.

I ran harder than ever away from Billy's shaking body. Cries for me to come back echoed into the emptiness of the night, but I paid no mind. I just ran.

The scene of Billy smooshing his lips against mine played in my head like a broken VHS tape. I didn't want to watch it anymore. The feeling of his lips pressed against mine was still present, and I prayed the wind blowing against my running body would smear the feeling off.

Billy Loomis wasn't supposed to be my first kiss. Not in a million years.

✎ notes . . . yes, this is a repost. tumblr deleted my old acc >:( ⟡ . ⛪ ◦ ✺ 4.5 ⇿ 05

©️ sethcertified 2023

#☆ — sethcertified #☆ — scream for you #x male reader #male reader #scream #scream x reader #scream x male reader #scream 1996 #billy loomis x male reader #billy loomis #billy loomis x reader #stu macher #stu macher x male reader #stu macher x reader #ghostface x male reader #ghostface #ghostface x reader

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loveistrueblue · 3 months

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hi guys, this is a post seeking advice from anyone who has experience with going nonverbal. my experience in particular is due to PTSD/trauma (possibly undiagnosed autism, i truthfully am not sure, i do not have the resources nor money at this moment in time to be able to get a diagnosis, but it’s something i have hoped to look into when i am able), but advice about going nonverbal in general, regardless of reason, still would be appreciated. i just genuinely don’t know where else to seek advice at the moment.

as i’ve mentioned in passing a couple of times here, i experienced a sexual assault a little over a year ago. it has been really difficult adjusting after that kind of an experience and it’s been a very slow process of trying to get my life back.

one of the things i have been struggling with has been this: my fight or flight feels, constantly, like it is activated. i truly feel like i’ve been stuck in fight or flight since the night it happened. i often feel extremely disregulated emotionally and like i’m living in extreme fear a good 80% of the time. this causes me to become easily overwhelmed. now, when i become overwhelmed, i have started shutting down and dissociating and i have started going nonverbal. i am unable to speak, even though it’s like i’m internally screaming and trying to. if i’m able to talk, it’s very few words, barely a sentence or two i’m able to get out. i’ll usually stutter or fumble or trip over my words in trying to get them out, if i’m even able to do that. it truly feels like a disconnect between the words in my brain and being able to articulate them out loud.

it’s been happening a lot in group settings, with my friends who i spend most of my free time with. they’re safe people to be around and i trust they want to help me how they can. the issue is, we are having a hard time navigating what to do/how to approach me going nonverbal. it often happens randomly, just when everything in my head starts becoming overwhelming and i start shutting down. it can be mid conversation and i just start going quiet and i don’t mean to, it’s like something out of my control, making it even scarier. i would sometimes experience this as a teenager/kid, but the difference then was i was a quiet child where it was less noticeable. now i am an adult who communicates verbally way more than i did when i was a kid. i guess i am in part struggling with the embarrassment of feeling a bit childish for being unable to communicate out loud too.

for further context, at this point, my friends know it is me going nonverbal and that it is an involuntary response. we are all collectively pretty much at a point we are trying to figure out how to navigate it happening though because we’re all a little new to it.

my questions/advice i am seeking is this:

what are ways you can communicate with the people you love when nonverbal and you’re all occupying the same physical space? is there resources/maybe any apps to help navigate a situation like that?

how do you talk to your friends about going nonverbal/is there anything you find helpful when you are nonverbal, especially if it’s from a flashback/disassociating due to trauma?

how do you handle/cope with feeling embarrassment and shame around going nonverbal?

any advice would be so so appreciated. thank you. 💙

(if the tone of my post is really formal, i apologize, i feel like i get more formal and serious when i’m nervous lol)

#nonverbal #advice seeking #trauma survivor #sa survivor #ptsd recovery #genuinely any advice is appreciated #marin speaks #january 2024

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misteria247 · 1 year

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Idk if you’ve read the Lost Years issue 1 but now all I can imagine is your turtles forever au boys meeting these new kids like DAMN!

The clan lives on!! The littlest boys and girls ahhhhhhh!! Odyn and his ever hungry tummy, Muja and her attitude, Yi wanting to tinker with the other Donnie’s and Uno and his probable routine for training— i love these kidssssss

Ahhhh-! I haven't gotten a chance to read it yet but from what I've seen from your posts and what you'd shown me, I'm absolutely in love with these kids like dude they're so cute-!!! Also OMG I WAS LITERALLY LOWKEY THINKING ABOUT THIS-

Like can you imagine??? The turtles finding these four new turtles, and they're just reeling cuz holy shit they're babies instead of teenagers like them. But they'd all like fall in love with these adorable rugrats cuz how could they not??? And then they learn about how these kids are technically Ronin Mikey's little ones and they all have this wide range of responses cuz holy shit Mikey's got kids?????????!!!!!!!!

Like it'd basically be-

87 Leo, 87 Raph and 87 Donnie would honestly think about it at first surprised but then it'd sink in and they'd be like:

"Honestly that makes sense, Michelangelo's the most likely out of us to have little ones."

While 87 Mikey is just incredibly surprised but honestly excited that a version of him becomes a dad much like his and his brothers own rat dad. 87 Splinter is practically glowing with grandpa pride cuz hell yes while 87 April and 87 Casey think it's hella neat.

07 Leo, 07 Raph and 07 Donnie kinda give their little brother these looks of slight concern cuz 07 Mikey's experience with kids wasn't exactly all that fun. 07 Mikey meanwhile is freaking out and having Vietnam war flashbacks to his old job. He'd get over it eventually but he'd definitely keep his distance for a bit. 07 Splinter meanwhile is just quietly fawning over these little guys and gals cuz it's taking him back to when his boys were young, while 07 April smothers them in affection and 07 Casey just kinda awkwardly interacts with them.

Rise Raph, Rise Leo and Rise Donnie meanwhile are losing their minds cuz it's their baby brother and he's in one timeline a papa?????? Rise Raph definitely lowkey cries much to Rise Mikey's slight embarrassment cuz ohmigosh his little brother has grown so much in the future he needs a minute. Rise Splinter is pretty much in the same mindset while Rise April and Rise Cassandra are absolutely thrilled. Rise Mikey's also thrilled while also on edge due to his own experiences with children (he'll never forget that Mystic Library incident and just how vicious children can be).

12 Leo, 12 Raph and 12 Donnie meanwhile having already dealt with this kind of shock before (Shellshock AU meeting), they're more quick to recover and somewhat tease 12 Mikey who's absolutely beaming, with 12 Leo being an instant mom somewhat much to 12 Mikey's amusement. 12 April is extremely conflicted with the kids, due to one incident where they'd taken one look at the red head, who scarily looks a lot like Ronin April and called her:

"Granny April!"

12 Casey and 12 Raph absolutely had a field day with this little incident and will teasingly call her Granny much to her grievance.

Meanwhile 03 Leo, 03 Raph, 03 Donnie, Bayverse Leo, Bayverse Raph and Bayverse Donnie will be extremely taken aback cuz how the fuck??? Given how absolutely wild and out there 03 Mikey and Bayverse Mikey can be it's extremely hard to picture them as mature fathers in another timeline. Basically their response to this information is Team Fourstar's DBZ Abridged levels. Specifically the scene in the first episode with Bulma and Master Roshi where they go:

'Oh my God he's a parent-'

In a mixture of bafflement and slight dread. They warm up to it eventually after the initial shock. 03 Splinter and Bayverse Splinter meanwhile seem somewhat neutral on this, having full faith in their youngest boys in this endeavor in their possible futures. Bayverse April and 03 April meanwhile think the kids are adorable and proceed to shower them in love and affection while Bayverse Casey and 03 Casey keep a close eye on the little ones.

Future Rise Leo and Future Rise Mikey meanwhile feel a bit bittersweet about it, seeing these adorable turtle tots and thinking about Rise Casey Jr and how he'd grown up in their ruined future. Rise Casey Jr is also feeling bittersweet about it and vows to keep them happy and shielded from any of the horrors that the world has to offer.

But the one who's shaken the most, the one who's unable to believe or understand this is Ronin Mikey. From Ronin Mikey's perspective, he doesn't see himself living long enough to have children. His whole purpose in his life at the moment is to kill Ronin Karai's son who was responsible for his family's murders. Ronin Mikey doesn't plan on surviving his mission, that's his whole vibe and plan. So seeing these four kids, seeing Uno, Yi, Muja and Odyn, his supposed sons and daughters, his descendants, it throws him into a midlife crisis of sorts. He keeps his distance from them, trying to figure out what exactly happened in his future of his world. Ronin Mikey will also keep a close eye on them from a distance and will quickly step in to aid them and take care of them should he need to, after all he's angry but not cruel. Completely unaware of his death and how Ronin April and Ronin Casey Marie are the ones raising them in his stead.

All in all by the time they'd go back home they'd be somewhat spoiled by all the turtles in the 03 lair lol.

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lilflowerpot · 1 year

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I'm so sorry if you're tired of getting Keitor AU's, and if that's the case than you can simply ignore this one. But I had a thought and nobody to talk about it with, and I figured your blog would be an okay place to share it?

Neighbors AU where they're both pre-teens/teenagers, but Lotor has got maybe three years on Keith. Keith has the maddest, most obvious puppy crush on Lotor. Lotor finds it awfully cute, but Keith is just a little kid compared to him at this stage, so Lotor is very careful not to cross the line between being friendly and giving false hope.

When Lotor's home life starts getting worse, though, their relationship changes from pleasant but distant neighbors to actual friends. He leaves the house one day to escape the madness that hides behind his closed doors and realizes that Keith must have heard some of the shouting because he looks pretty upset over in his yard - and not embarrassed-upset but bad-flashbacks upset. Lotor knows the rumors about Keith, that he'd been in the foster system for a while and that's why he only just moved in with his mom (maybe Tex died when Krolia was serving time in prison or something, so when she got out it took her a while to track down her son).

Feeling bad about upsetting Keith, Lotor jumps the fence and makes his way over to Keith to apologize. Keith, of course, is blushing and tripping over his words and can barely meet Lotor's eye for more than three seconds, but eventually they start having an actual conversation about their own experiences. It's cathartic for Lotor to have someone to talk to about this stuff, since he keeps it under such tight wraps in public, and while the galra girls all have their own problems at home none of them have had to deal with actual abuse (not that either he or Keith use the word) and don't REALLY get it. Not the way Keith does.

They become friends after that, and eventually best friends as the years go by. As they grow older, graduating high school and attending college and stuff, the age gap becomes less and less significant, so Lotor has to suffer through the stages of "My best friend used to have a crush on me that's so awkward, haha" to "dang son that's a glow-up" to "I think I'm in love with my best friend but he's not in love with me anymore, did I miss my shot?" to of course a happy resolution for the boys.

I'll never be tired of getting keitor aus but I am //begging// the lot of you to actually write and post all these wonderful ideas you keep having because I have a mighty need 🙏

#I barely have the time to write LB but am in desperate need of more cute keitor content so //please//#sa screams back #keitor #keith kogane #prince lotor #other aus

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dozing-marshmallow · 5 months

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What about Chris and reader watching tucker and Dale vs the forces of evil? One of my favorite movies of all time, super funny.

HALLELUJAH I FINALLY FOUND THE MOVIE ON YOUTUBE😫 I’m so sorry I put this off for so long, anon! I couldn’t find the movie anywhere for the longest time and it was such a relief to finally find it 😭 Who knew it was on YouTube after a second try of searching? Looking back on it now, it was an amazing film and I regret not watching it sooner! I hope this was worth the wait, you absolutely deserved an answer for being so patient 💘

Spoiler and trigger warning to those who haven’t heard of this movie before, it’s a horror film that involved a lot of gorey scenes with majority of them embedded in this post, so if you’re uncomfortable, don’t feel that you need to continue reading!

WATCHING TUCKER AND DALE VS EVIL WITH CHRIS MCLEAN

“Let’s watch another classic.” you hold the DVD out in front of Chris, Tucker and Dale vs evil.

He has himself a good look and smiles,“You know what the name reminds me of?”

“What?”

“That one cartoon.”

“What, Star vs. the forces of evil?”

He clicks his fingers,“Yeah!”

“Hah.” Having summarised knowledge of the movie’s premise, you could only feel smug at the lighthearted nature of that franchise being nothing alike to what you were putting into the DVD player.

Three days ago.

In the beginning, the movie takes you on a journey with a bunch of young people inside a car, travelling somewhere for school break, having stopped at a gas station along the way to pick up some beer. This is where you meet the actual protagonists, Tucker and Dale, whom were also at the store collecting some housework equipment.

“Smile and laugh.” was Tucker’s advice for Dale’s demeanour in talking to the college girls that were helping each other to store bags of supplies into the car.

Naturally, the kids were uncomfortable with this ragged looking man approaching them, nervously laughing.

“Why is he going to them with that scythe?” you ask, despite knowing Dale had unconsciously made a poor choice of grabbing the closet thing to him in order to appear more normal.

“He’s the grim reaper! He’s gonna end everyone’s lives from how embarrassing this is!” Talk about figurative language, especially admirable on Chris’ part.

The college students coincide their hangout spot at the same woods Tucker and Dale went to where the night had settled and they were around the campfire, sharing a horror story of the “Memorial Day Massacre”, where in the exact woods they were in was a mass killing of college students, orchestrated by “Tucker and Dale’s kind”, twenty years ago.

“Wait, so if that was the case, why the hell did they think that was a good place to go to?” they were practically sitting in a graveyard.

Chris scoffs,“Teenagers.”

In a flashback of the Memorial Day Massacre, one of the killers whom joined the college students had sunk a sharpened cog into his neck before throwing it into the face of his first victim.

“OOH.”

The group quickly disperses and it became every man for themselves. The scene then ends when the new batch decides to go swimming in the lake.

After a failed night of skinny dipping and assuming the main female heroine Allison was captured by the “creepy men from the store”, it was now up to her friend group to “rescue” her.

“It’s just a cabin, it doesn’t mean they’re psycho killers.” One of the boys comment as the group walks into the sight of the previously abandoned shelter.

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you go in there and talk to them?” Chloe snarked, obviously not buying the idea.

“Alright. Maybe I will.” The collective looks back to Mitch, waiting for him to go,“I said maybe.”

“He reminds me of Cody...” Chris remarks in a thinking, squinting manner with his finger to his chin,“He’s got the style, the confidence, the hair...”

To compare a character to Cody in a horror film considerably meant the most unlucky thing,“Oh no.”

Mitch’s maybe ends up forcefully becoming a yes after losing a game of Rock Paper Scissors. So he makes his way towards the foggy cabin.

Tucker meanwhile was outside, minding his own business, getting on with wood sawing when he gravely jabs the chainsaw into a wasp nest, enraging the buzzing inhabitants to chase him in a frenzy, sending an entirely different message to the teens.

“Why is he just running with it!? Like why can’t he just throw it to the ground?” you cry when the movie, if shown to someone who had walked in, would look as it did to the kids in movie.

“I dunno. But it’s sure funnier this way.” Your spouse’s statement spelt true by his chuckling.

Having been faulty in his attention to his rapid change of surroundings, Mitch ends up getting stabbed by a tree branch. And not only did he get stabbed, his body somehow ripped halfway through.

“How the hell does that happen?” it was kind of gross to see,“Right in the heart? You can’t just run into a stick and end up that deep in it to the point where it’s coming out your back!”

“Huh. Look at that, it really is Cody.” All Chris had to say, to the dying boy who spent his last moments realising the opposing truth behind Tucker’s running. Had he lived, the movie may have moved more smoothly.

It then cuts back to Allison and Dale playing their board games, jolly in the cabin.

“Girl’s unaware her friend died.” you nearly chock on the bitter change of atmosphere.

“I just think that so many of the major problems and conflicts in the world are caused by a lack of communication, you know.”

Isn’t that ironic.

Here, the kids were executing their scheme to tackle the men. Again.

One of the students, Todd, had sharpened a spear from a tree branch and began running at Dale and Allison in the middle of them digging a hole. However, Todd javelin throws it into the pit, moments before fatally tripping and landing right through it, where Dale’s soft heart witnessed in panic, drools of blood falling from his mouth.

“Again?” you’re shocked,“Why are all these kids going straight into the tree branch? It doesn’t work like that in real life!”

There was another, Mike, hiding behind a tree, watching Tucker getting on with some wood chipping. Off the brink of bravery(or stupidity), he ran with pocket knife at the ready. But Tucker was a lucky ducker. So Mike ran.

Right into the wood chipper.

“AOW.” you involuntarily let out. What a way to go.

Chris was laughing. Tucker, now horrified at the sudden appearance of the boy inside the machine, drops his blocks of wood to try rip him out even though it was way too late to do anything(which again was terribly mistaken, of him trying to push him into the machine).

“That is so disgusting.” you watch the bimbo in front getting drenched in his bodily pulp,“Noo...why did they have to show the shot of him coming out like that? I can’t imagine how that skeleton looks...”

Chris coughs out the last few chips of laughter,“Yeah, he’s gone.”

“So, this is a movie full of dumb people dying in the most ridiculous ways, is that what I’m seeing?” Your question sounded more like a screech against words.

“Pretty much.” It may have been a horrible thing to wish for, but Chris’ carelessness was something you too hope to embody in the future- to horror films.

“Long day for them.” Tucker himself was also all bloodied from head to toe,“He needs a serious shower.”

The movie switches perspective back on the teens, where the saner ones were wondering why they were still there and debating on how to leave. Chad had himself a monologue.

“How many people do you think get a chance for something like this?... The chance to live, to be free from people always telling you what you can and can’t do.”

“He’s actually such an instigator, what is wrong with him?” you question aloud in disgust at Chad’s thought process on the situation, like it was a game,“Do what any normal person would do and leave, don’t hang around. About us against them.”

“Hero complex, (Y/N).” Chris coldly worded, sipping loudly from his pop soda.

Police sirens then play in the background and everyone(except a pricky Chad) ran to the direction of it.

“We don’t need the fucking cops!”

“Watch when the police aren’t even coming for them.” a smile drove on your face at the thought of such a scenario, driving one onto Chris’ face too.

“That would be funny.”

“Oh, disgusting.” you gag at the sight of Tucker and Dale dragging Mike’s legs across the ground,“Isn’t messing with the body a crime?”

“I don’t think that’s what’s important right now...” Chris replies, eyes stuck on the screen.

“You know what I don’t get...” you start, watching the police car stop in front of them, your throat drying for the men,“He sees this guy who he’s assuming is a psycho killer with a chainsaw and without a hook, working with a machine that can be very dangerous if misused... And his best thought of action is to run to him? Not sneak? How-How does he know that this supposed killer isn’t gonna use the machine on him?”

“That’s what college does to you (Y/N), it makes you dumber.” Chris claims, the scene of testimony miserably unfolds as Tucker attempts his best to explain what had happened to the sheriff, no matter how unbelievable it looked.

“You must think that I’m some kind of moron to believe a story like that.”

“Is that why you didn’t go?”

One easy way to offend him,“Way to spread misinfo, (Y/N)! I went then dropped out.”

“That’s even more sad.”

Having leaned on a pillar(same loose pillar in the beginning Tucker said he would need to fix), the Sheriff had fallen victim to an own accidental death, with a piece from the top impaling him on the face and doing so forcefully, he was hurled out of the cabin.

“Oh for God’s sake.” you face palm, both Tucker and Dale rushing out of the cabin in concern for the officer,“Is it everyday.”

“I mean, they did try warn him... At least he sees how the deaths are happening.” Chris smiles, contrasting to you flinching when he stumbled back to the car with nails right through his face and the remaining students inside the car losing it.

“Damn it! Tucker, I told you you should’ve fixed that beam!”

One of the kids in the car decides he’ll be saviour so he immediately leaves the passenger seat to arm himself with the dead Sheriff’s gun, aiming at the technically innocent men. The gun had its safety on, and Dale naively gives away how to turn it off, while Chuck was looking right into the barrel.

“Stupid kid, did he just shoot himself?” you exclaim when his body rapidly collapses in front of the splash of blood on the car front.

“At this point, the director wanted everyone off now.” Chris tittered, shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Thinking he was God’s servant, Chad took the gun off Chuck’s corpse and began firing Dale and Tucker into retreating back into their cabin. To reel them back out, he had to resort to a more inhuman measure that weighed out his pretentious “survival of the fittest” death match.

“No no no, I know this movie isn’t about to kill off the dog.” you shake your head at Chad holding a gun to the head of Jangers, through the perspective of the titular duo inside the cabin.

“I love when the people die, but if they kill that dog, I am switching this movie off.” Chris warned, thumb circling around on the red power button of the remote.

Praise be, he didn’t need to push it, because it was a good horror movie; good horror movies don’t rely on the animals dying, so Jangers was gracefully saved- unfortunately, that couldn’t apply to Tucker whom was caught by Chad shortly after freeing the dog, hanging upside down and letting out a bloodcurdling scream when Chad bellowed his axe onto him.

“Is it bad I can’t see where he hit him?” Chris rewinded the part three times to try spot any bleeding wound, but nothing.

“It’s more bad that they’re just allowing their friend to do that.”

About time, Allison reunited with half of her friend group inside Tucker’s cabin while the country men were on their way back.

“Wait a minute... I remember reading about this in my sociology class.” one of Allison’s friends recalled after listening to Allison’s rebuttal on the crazed serial killer label on Tucker and Dale they had lived under for time.

You would think that hearing from their friend who they thought was kidnapped’s perspective would finally put an end to the accidental deaths, right?

“...Stockholm syndrome. When someone who’s been kidnapped ends up falling in love with their kidnapper.”

Pause.

Both you and Chris got up from sofa.

“Congratulations.” you clap deadpanned, sitting back down,“Con-gratu-lations. Whatever your name was, I hope you’re happy. Because now, you have that one going off the deep end even more,” you point to where the screen froze on Chad,“And you have Allison looking like a dickhead.”

“You’re falling in love with him?”

Your mouth gapes from annoyance,“Why is he going off what that whore said?”

“Cuuuz! That boy is if Sierra possessed Cody.” Chris answered merrily,“And did Sierra ever have common sense?”

“Good point.”

Poor Allison was trying to insist that wasn’t true, but Naomi was so set on her nebulous statement, nodding her head away like a bitch.

“Oh my God, she’s pissing me off!” you were close to dashing the remote at the TV, “She’s not a professional, she can’t just make conclusions off medical conditions she knows nothing about! Cunt’s acting like it’s not a rare occurrence and even if it wasn’t, it’s not instant!”

“Yeah... She may be more of an airhead than Lindsay.” Chris laughs mockingly,“You should be the sociology teacher instead.”

That was actually a really big compliment,“Thank you Chris.”

“Where did that other blonde girl go?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Chris dismisses,“I bet you that Chad is gonna have the most gruesome death.”

“Is that Chamomile Tea cuz I can’t have that, it fucks with my asthma.”

“Oh hear that he has asthma, note that, that’s gonna be important for later.”

This hearts to hearts discussion Allison had initiated was going great until Jason and Chloe disrupts it(answering your question). Weed whacker at hand, Jason revives the accidental tragedy motif of the movie by slashing Naomi’s face off in attempt to get Tucker, her features twisting away in a bloodshed swirl.

“Aw see that was your friend this time, your friend, your friend.” you shout at Chad, hoping that would knock some sense into him that these deaths were happening by their own hand.

Chris dully rocks his head from side to side,“It just keeps going and going and going and going.”

Newcomer Jason ended up on fire after Chad threw a lampshade, and Chloe in desperate aid to help him, throws the nearest substance she could find (a paint thinner), worsening the situation and causing an explosion that ultimately killed herself, Naomi and Chad’s face to melt together with his flesh and skin.

“He has a little something...on his face.” Chris motions to the side of his face like Chad could see.

Tucker, Dale and Allison make a break for the truck to escape his impending wrath, Chad somehow immune to the burns of his disfigured face.

“Yeahh there’s no helping that thing, just go.”

Well, accidents happen and now Allison had yet to be rescued, with “captor” and “hero” correctly swapping places.

Morning came when she woke up, in an alarming tied down state under the disfigured Chad. He proceeds to lick her face moments after her new dangerous reality cut into her consciousness to your repulse.

Dale breaks into the warehouse and a fight between him and Chad commences. With Allison destined to be sawn in half slowly, Dale’s shoulders piled more with bricks of pressure to act. With a successful axe throw, Allison is freed and the two rush their way upstairs to frantically search for anything useful for their defence.

“It can’t be... They lied to me... How could they!”

“Yeah, see your life.” you snicker when Chad looks over the newspaper in seething disbelief at the painful truth of his conception,“I kinda feel sorry for him though.”

Chris illustrates his lack of empathy once more,“I expected something like that the moment I saw the killer drag her in the flashback. Talk about family lineage.”

Alas, post inhaling the boxed chamomile tea, Chad presumably falls to his death out of the window on the second floor and had been broadcasted as the scapegoat to all the deaths of the new generation of college kids. Tucker ends up in the hospital, Dale ends up in the bowling alley with Allison(who becomes his girl).

“All three of them deserved that happy ending.” You say adoringly. Right after you said that, there was screaming from other bowling girls and the stranger man who Dale had given flirting advice on was dragging the unconscious girl of his dreams in his arms in the background of him and Allison making out.

“Annnnd the cycle continues.” Chris gets the final piece of commentary in with a grin before the movie cuts to the rock credits,“Well! That was that. If I’m being honest, when you first came to me with this movie, I was thinking of something entirely different. I thought there was gonna be defying the laws of gravity or something.”

“Hah!” You crack your knuckles,“Didja like the version you got?”

He nods impressed,“Absolutely. Would you happen to know where this was filmed?”

“Errr I think, somewhere in Calgary. Why?” You should have thought twice before giving away such information to Chris.

He stands up,“No reason.”

#chris mclean #total drama #request #tdi x reader #chris mclean x reader #td chris #tdi #td chris mclean x reader #total drama chris mclean #total drama island chris #watching movies #tucker and dale vs evil

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romanarose · 1 year

Text

Seattle: Chapter 5

Marc Spector X fem! OC

Seattle Masterlist

Part 4 : Part 6

Summary: Rebecca and Marc travel back to Chicago for a funeral, Rebecca and Marc face people from their past, together.

Warnings: References to domestic violence, sexual assault via condom tampering, references to child abuse, shown child abuse (aggressive behavior/manhandling/pain inflicted on teenagers), mentions of miscarriage, inflicting miscarriage, siblings being siblings, victim blaming, Marc and Rebecca are in a bit of a fight, Rebecca got some anger she gotta work on.

Not proof read, this literally took me hours I'm so tired of looking at it

This picture is just so cute asdfgjkl look how mad he is, he’s pouting watching the others fight knowing he’s not supposed to intervene

A/N got my groove back, last chapter sucked ass, this is much better. the flashbacks have tie in with the present, top tier

**********

“Mac, I told you 1000 times you didn’t have to come”

It had been nearly two months at this point. Two months of divorce paper work and filing complaints with the court, getting medical and police records. Jack’s calls and texts to Becca had become none-stop, to the point where the courts ordered all phone communication to go through Matty. No protection or restraining order was granted, however the judge seemed to think Jack “wasn’t an immediate threat”. It still seemed like Rebecca would be granted the divorce and a settlement, Matt and Foggy were good at their job, but the male judge still seemed to take things easy on Jack, despite the overwhelming evidence.

“Oh, yeah, sure, and leave you to deal with him alone? Yeah Beccs, I’m definitely gonna do that” Marc rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “And I told you, that you don’t have to go in the first place.” After several decade of drinking and poor health, Rebecca’s dad died of a heart attack. Marc knew better than most that this does not bring the relief that many might think, but it doesn’t bring the sorrow you’d expect from the death of a parent. It brings both, and it’s confusing as hell. He tried to tell her she didn’t have to go to the funeral or the shiva, but she insisted she had too. Rebecca had lost years to Jack, years of traditions and faith, Marc assumed this was part of her reclaiming it.

Problem was, Jack was going too. Asa invited him. Rebecca refused to tell Asa the brunt of what happened, Marc figured this was out of pride, or embarrassment, but either way, Asa had taken Jack's side in the divorce, as had much of the family. Still, for whatever reason, Rebecca had decided it was her duty to go and help. She had already insta-carted groceries she’d need to feed the family after services. Rebecca wasn’t observing the complete shiva, no she couldn’t take her family that long. Funeral was the evening of their flight, which left at 6 in the fucking morning, then one day of shiva with everyone, Sunday, they’d get lunch with Elias, and her and Marc might spend some time at their old stomping grounds, then head home monday in time for Steven to teach his evening class, and Rebecca would finish out the shiva in her own way. ‘In and out’ she had said, like it was a fucking heist. Somehow, this was more intimidating than any mission he had been on before. Chicago, his dad, her dad, Jack, Asa… it was all overwhelming. Hey mate, I’ll be here, yeah? I can fake your accent pretty well. Maybe not for dad, but enough to get by with the shiva, so it’s too much, let me take over, yeah?

I’ll be fine, Steven, thanks

Marc.

He sighed. Yeah, okay, I’ll let you take the body if I need it.

And just talk to her. She understands. She loves you.

I need to be here for her

I know, but she’s still embarrassed. Allowing her to help you, will help her too. She wants to repay you

She doesn’t have too-

I know, but she wanted to.

“I know you don’t want to come. I can handle Jack and Asa by myself” She insisted, breaking Marc out of his thoughts.

Marc scoffs, they’ve had this argument 100 the last few days since Asa called to tell her her dad passed. “Yeah, right, and leave you to get back together with Jack” He rolled his eyes as he kept walking straight ahead. When he didn’t hear her voice telling him to fuck off, like she had several times since they had been… are they fighting? He turned around to find her glaring at him, arms crossed. He sighs, the bustle of the airport terminal suddenly very loud. “What?”

“That was a dick thing to say” she pointed at him. “And you fucking know it.” Behind her anger was genuine hurt, and Marc didn’t like to see her hurt.

“I’m sorry.”

She softened, but was still on edge. “It’s fine Marc, just… if you’re coming with me, you need to try and behave, or I will not hesitate to kick you out of the shiva.” She was dead serious as she continued walking to their flight. Fuck, Marc needed coffee. He turned to the Starbucks and got in line with Rebecca.

“I know you will, baby” He smirked a bit. “You might be the most terrifying girl I’ve dated.”

“Am I really scarier than Layla?” She asked, smiling at him, then ordering for both of them.

“Hm” he pretended to think it over. “You both have crazy eyes, let's call it a tie”

Marc Elias Spector had been in a lot of situations in his life. Recently, meaning last week, he had agreed to being the avatar for an Egyptian god, because it was slightly better than death. Slightly. But as he sat in Rebecca’s living room with her and her fiance, he wondered if it was too late to choose the other alternative.

Jack didn’t like him. That was okay, he didn’t like Jack. He seemed arrogant, smug, harsh. But the worst part is, Rebecca was nervous. When was the last time he saw Becca nervous? She wasn’t even nervous around her dad. But she was nervous around Jack. She got him food and whiskey and whatever he wanted, and Marc couldn’t quite put his finger on how this felt wrong to him. Rebecca was a caretaker, she took care of Asa, she took care of Marc, and she even took care of her dad in the early years. But this… this felt like serving. This felt like watching Rebecca waitress as he waited for her shift to end.

“So Marc,” Jack starts “Becky tells me you work in Cairo, helping with expeditions?” So that's what she told him. Marc eased a bit, a swell of pride in his chest. Marc and Rebecca didn’t have secrets. Jack and her did.

“Yeah” He nods along with her lie seamlessly. “For now anyway. I tend to go where life takes me”

“Is that why you’re here? Work is too unstable, you need somewhere to crash?” It wasn’t so much what Jack said, but how he said it. He was condescending. Pretty rich boy who had everything laid out for him, felt superior to Marc. Did he know Rebecca’s struggles with housing? Did he make her feel bad for it? Or did she keep that part of her life from him? Was she ashamed of her time homeless, or was she ashamed of Marc?”

Marc felt himself flaring with anger, but he looked at Becca, sitting so far away on the other side of the couch. She could feel the tension. For her, he’d play nice. “Nope” He smiled as best he could. “Just wanted to be here for the wedding” he lied through his teeth.

“I bet you do” Jack smiled. Marc smiled. Becca smiled. Marc swore he saw her mouth ‘fuck’

Silence persisted.

Being in Chicago was not one of Marc’s favorite places to be, but it wasn’t one of the worst. Chicago is a major city, the various bullshit odd jobs he worked would bring him there from time to time, and he got used to being in the vicinity, seeing old sights and the familiar culture. This would be slightly more difficult, as Rebecca’s family was in the same neighborhood as his, but as long as he avoided the surrounding streets to his house, he’d be okay. Rebecca would never ask him to enter that area. She didn’t even ask him to come, honestly. Marc was already going to go, of course, but when he found out Jack was attending the services, he wasn’t going to leave Rebecca alone for a second

This had been… tense, the last few days. There had been times the last two months that they bickered, even fought, but it wasn’t bad. She was hurting, she was suffering. She always apologized, even when she didn’t really need to. That was a byproduct of Jack too. Rebecca was proud, always admitting when she was wong, but never when she wasn’t. Marc allowed her to apologize, picking his battles. She was starting to look more like herself again; color coming back in her face, the chemicals fading out of her hair, allowing it to curl again. She even cut it off again and dyed it closer to her natural color again. She was also acting more like herself, the bickering was evidence of that. But the last few days were different. Marc found himself with a bunch of feelings he couldn’t really discern, an anger in him he didn’t feel comfortable with, an anger that seemed to center around her, and he couldn’t place why.

So he had been distancing himself, not wanting to take his anger out of her in any way, allowing Steven to take the body a majority of the time. Rebecca noticed, but didn’t say anything. He assumed she figured it had to do with going back to Chicago, but there was something else.

When they arrived at Rebecca’s childhood home, he felt the nervousness he often did in their childhood while standing at this very doorstep. Some things never change.

“Marc.” Carl was standing in the doorway. Maybe it’s the memory being distorted by the haze of the past, or maybe he really was towering over Marc. Carl was always tall, that’s where Becca got it. By the end of puberty, Rebecca was an inch taller than Marc, sanding at 5’10. Marc was always on the shorter side, but at 14 he had barely started his growth spurt. Embarrassingly, people thought Rebecca was his older sister in more than one situation. Right now, Marc wished he was taller, stronger, braver. He wanted to fight for her, stand up to her dad, stand up to his mom… but right now, they were both pretty helpless. The most they could do was be there for each other, and protect each other in school. Rebecca’s grades were significantly better, she helped Marc with school so he could avoid getting whipped when grades came in. Likewise, although they never told people they were dating, Marc’s protective grasp on her shoulders out in public and the way they were attached at the hip generally kept her safe from men at school. At 14, he wasn’t exactly the strongest in the high school, but he had absolutely thrown punches for her before. And for other reasons. And for no reason. Point being, although he wasn’t strong, he was known for being a bit crazy. Psycho was thrown around a lot.

“Hello, Mr. Levi” Marc tried his best to be polite. He had seen what Carl had done to Rebecca, and always tried to avoid that, although he suspected he wouldn’t dare, considering his dad's position in the temple. Marc had always told Rebecca he’d talk to his dad for her, get Rebecca and Asa help, but Rebecca had the martyr complex of a catholic. She rationed that Carl only hurt her, not Asa, and being sent to foster care would absolutely hurt him. It wasn’t Marc’s place to make that choice for her, so he minded his business. “Is Becca home?”

Carl looked at him for a moment, considering the boy. “Yeah, she’s in her room, but I think we should have a talk first.” The tone he used was strangely calm, the tone Wendy used before she hurt Marc, it sent a shiver down his spine, but he was in no position to argue, stepping inside the hallway at Carl’s motioning. “What’s going on with you guys.”

Marc had wondered how long until this conversation happened. Elias and Wendy both teased Marc about her, one more gently than the other, but neither malicious. Wendy mostly referred to her as Marc’s “little girlfriend” on good days, or “That Levi girl” on bad ones. His dad hadn’t exactly given him “the sex talk”, school’s lackluster sex ed had covered most of what Marc knew. Not having friends that weren’t Rebecca really cut into his knowledge on the subject, and his dad certainly didn’t have any hidden porno mags to find, so the barebones basics of public education had to due on the mechanical end. What Elias did give him was a very basic, but very straightforward (and very humiliating) talk on consent. Of course, that wasn’t the word he used, but that was the theme of one of the few talks his dad had given him in regards to being a man, and it had happened after Elias asked what his relationship with Rebecca was last year. With a blushing Marc desperately trying to escape the conversation, insisting they were just friends, Elias told him all that he really needed to know about sex. Make sure sh’s comfortable, make sure she actually wants it. Don’t force, don’t beg, don’t bargain for it. Make sure she’s enjoying herself, and stop if she’s not. Years latter, although Marc could write a book on his dads mistakes, he would always respect his dad for not giving the simple “don’t do it”. Marc had barely ever thought about kids, Layla didn’t want them, and he wasn’t really sure he could do it right, but he knew if he ever did, this was one talk he’d pass down to his son.

He had a feeling this is not where Carl was going.

Asa opened the door. “Hey Becca” He greeted his sister with a warm hug, and it seemed like the grief may have swept away some tension, at least for now. “Marc” he extended a hand, which Marc shook. “Thanks for coming, it’s nice to see you again.” He sounded sincere, at least.

“You too Asa. I’m sorry for your loss”

Asa smirked, and looked a little more like the preteen Marc knew way back. “No, you’re not, but it’s fine, please, come in.”

Rebecca went right to work with the groceries that were delivered, prepping for the gathering after the funeral. People from the temple would probably drop by, offer condolences, and maybe stop to chat to see what the gossip was on Asa and Rebecca’s lives, but no one really liked Carl, and their family wasn’t that big. Marc could tell she was nervous. Jack was literally only going to be there to piss torment Rebecca and piss off Marc. Men like Jack usually separated their partners from their family, Jack’s method was a bit different. Jack was big on portraying perfection, abusive families and sibling tensions wouldn’t do. Rebecca was forced back into a relationship with her dad and brother. She wasn’t upset about seeing Asa, she counted that as a blessing, but Jack was in total control, stepping into the role Marc occupied before, hence Asa taking Jack’s side in the divorce. They still played video games online regularly, despite not talking to Rebecca since she left, until he called to let her know their dad had a heart attack.

Services went as expected, a jewish funeral despite Carl’s lack of participation in the faith. When he felt Rebecca’s hand squeeze Marc’s hard, he knew that meant she spotted Jack. She remained strong, always so strong, his pillar, his rock. He would be that for her.

Marc didn’t leave her side for a second. She spent most of her time in the kitchen prepping and plating and cooking, not exactly eager to be in the room with her family who all just adored Jack. He watched her angrily cut a cucumber with the aggression of a butcher. “You doing okay Beccs? We can-”

She slammed the knife on the cutting board, and Marc was thankful she couldn’t see him startle. “Marc Spector, suggest we leave again and I’m kicking you out.” She stared at the wall ahead of her.

“Beccs-”

She turned to him. “Don’t ‘Beccs’ me, Marc, you don’t want to be here, so just go, go back to the hotel, or go back to New York, I don’t fucking care, I’ll deal with this myself.”

He groaned. “Of course I don’t want to be here Rebecca! Nothing good happened her, not in this house, not in this city, nothing, being here brings back bad memories I try my damnest to forget, and I don’t understand why you insist on being here!”

“He’s my dad”

Marc threw up his hands. “I get it, Rebecca! I get it, you’re morally superior to me, you go to your dads funeral, you forgive him after everything he did to you, you forgive Jack, again and again, you’re better than me, I get it”

Marc… mate…

Rebecca stared at him, and Marc braced for a fight, for her to yell at him and for them to bicker like they had been, but instead her face just softened. “Is that why you’ve been so upset this week?”

“Yes” He practically whined out, feeling relief at being able to pinpoint the source of his anger.

“Honey…” She took his hand. “I’m not blaming you for not going to your mom's shiva… I don’t think I’m better than you. Our lives were very, very different, your relationship with Wendy was very different. You hadn’t even talked to her for, what? A decade? You did what you could, and I don’t blame you for the choices you made. My dad and I… things were more complicated, there was good and bad”

Marc closed his eyes, shaking his head. “There was good with us to, it’s just… it’s hard to separate it from the rest”

Rebecca wrapped her hands around his waist, drawing the man she loved in for a hug, relieved to know where the tension that had surrounded them came from. “Marc, honey, I know. These things will always be complicated. We have to deal with them in our own way. For me, this is closure. Laying it all to rest. For you, it would be letting her win.” She kissed his forehead softly. “I’m so proud of you, I’ve always been so fucking proud of you. You’ve come so far, despite everything, and you’ve done so much of it alone.”

He shook his head as he nestled into her neck, smelling her. “No, not alone. I had you, I had Layla, I had Steven, even if he didn’t know it.”

“Baby, you shouldered so much alone, don’t mitigate how far you’ve come, how strong you are, I’m so, so proud”

They stayed like that for a moment, so lost in the embrace that they didn’t notice anyone enter the room.

“I expected as much”

Jack

Marc felt felt her rip on his tighten, and he turned her away from where the voice was, putting his body between them.

“What. Is. Going on with you guys?” Carl repeated, when Marc was too scared to answer.

“Nothing sir” He managed to get out, trying not to shake, trying to stand tall and brave.

“You guys aren’t fucking?”

Looking back, Marc couldn’t fathom every saying that to a 14 year old his daughter was friends with, but Carl had no tact.

“No sir, we’re friends”

Carl laughed at that, putting a hand on Marc’s shoulder. “That’s what they always say”

Wincing at the touch, he put his brave face back on, refusing to back down. “We’re not-ah!” Carl’s grip on his shoulder squeezed down painfully tight, digging into his skill, and all Marc’s mustered bravado dissipated.

“I honestly don’t care, but I ain’t raising another kid”

If Marc was less terrified, he’d laugh at that. Becca raised herself and Asa.

Carl continued. “You get her pregnant, I will kill both of you.” He shoved Marc into a side table, causing Marc to fall down into it, the commission drawing Becca out of her room at the end of the hall.

When she saw Marc on the floor, she quickly ran to him, but was stopped when her dad clamped a hand over her mouth, shoving her against the wall. “I’ll tell you what I told your little boyfriend. You can be a whore all you want, but you get knocked up, you’re both dead. Understood?”

Unable to speak with the hand over her, she simply glared at him, unwilling to give in.

His hold on her face began bruising, making Rebecca yelp. “Is that clear? Or do I have to ask Marc?”

She glanced over to where Marc was frozen on the floor. She didn’t want him hurt. Rebecca swallowed her pride and nodded. Carl let go, and walked away, mumbling obscenities about Rebecca she didn’t even hear, she was quickly at Marc’s side. “C’mon, let’s go to the library, start on that paper”

“I’m sorry” He muttered as he stood up, shaking from the interaction.

She helped him stand. “For what?”

“For no stopping him, I wanted to… but I just… I froze” Marc looked down, embarrassed, his masculinity already at a low point, this did not help.

“Marc” She steadied him, forcing him to look her in the eye. “It is not your job to protect me. I can handle myself”

“I know”

But Marc felt like it was his job to protect her, ever since that first act of kindness she shared with him, and he continued to feel that way for the next 2 decades together. As they exited the house, Marc heard steps and turned around, catching Asa watching them leave with a look in his eyes Marc couldn’t read.

Jack was munching on a latke. “Good stuff. You always did like your food.” He punctuated the comment with a glance to her stomach.

Rebecca held Marc back by his shirt. “Jack, let’s not do this”

Asa entered the room. “Do what?” He frowned at Marc, who was clearly postering, gearing up for a fight.

Jack answered. “Rebecca is holding Marc back from fighting me” It wasn’t a lie, but a bit dramatic.

Asa scrubbed his face with his hands. “Fucking hell you two, this is why I didn’t want you to come. It’s always dramatics with you two!”

Marc scoffed. “Dramatics? Asa, you invited your sister's ex-husband-”

“We’re still married,” Jack reminded them.

Marc ignored him. “To your dad shiva, that’s insane! Do you have any idea what he did to her?”

Asa crossed his arms. “I know all about the divorce, Spector, that’s half the reason dad had the heart attack!”

“You’re blaming me for that?”

“YES!” Asa shouted. “It’s always you Marc! Ever since I can remember you’ve caused her problems! Jesus, the amount of time he kicked her stomach because he thought you knocked her up-”

Marc didn’t know that, but when he turned to Rebecca, the guilty look on her face confirmed she had never intended on him finding out.

Jack was smirking, allowing the scene to play out.

Asa continued. “All this time, you constantly fucked her life up, constantly got in the way of things, leading her on, then she finally moves on from you, gets married, and you can’t even let her have that?”

Marc felt like he could burst out of his skin. The suit he had rented was stiff and uncomfortable, the church was way too much. Too hot, too noisy, to crowded. Everything was happening at once. Were christian churches always like this? He picked at a scab on his arm, cracked his knuckles, and tore at his nails, trying to find something for his fingers to do to calm him, but Christ, when was this supposed to start? He checked his watch. 10 minuets ago. He supposed it was normal for weddings to start late, all the girls needing their hair and make up done, the guys running off to grab one thing or another, everyone probably drunk by this point. Did baptists drink? Yeah, yeah, they did, it was in the services. Wait, no, that was the catholics. Were baptists the ones that did the speaking in tongues? Or was that pentecostals? Or Calvinists? No, Calvinists were the ones with the really bleak outlook. Was Calvinism a religion or a philosophy? Which one was the 19 Kids and Counting people?

Marc was interrupted from his strange thought process by a hand on his shoulder. “Marc?”

It was Asa, all dressed up for his role as a groomsman. Damn, he hadn’t seen the kid in a long time, he really grew up.

“Hey man” Marc stood up, shaking the hand of the boy he had thought of as a little brother for much of his early life, but who had become a stranger. “Good to see you.”

He nodded, not impressed. “She’s asking for you”

“Who?”

“Who the fuck else do you know here?”

Rude, but the point was made.

Marc frowned. “Why?”

Sighing and rolling his eyes, Asa practically dragged Marc out of the pew. “I don’t know, but she won’t walk until you talk to her”

Asa dragged him to the door to where Rebecca was, through a sea of bridesmaids and a wedding party he didn’t recognize a face of. Must all be Jack’s friends.

Marc went to open the door, but Asa stopped him. “Marc, listen. I know we haven't gotten along the last few years, but I need you to do this for me” he was serious, earnest, but Marc was wary, nodding for Asa to continue with his request. “Let her have this” He must have seen the confusion in Marc’s face. “Whatever it is you two have had, it needs to end. At least in the form it’s been in. She cannot keep waiting for you to pop in and out of her life. She needs a new start, and this is it. Jack is good for her, keeps her focused, takes care of her. She has a good life with him. I don’t know what she needs you for but.” Asa closed his eyes and sighed before opening them. “But don’t get in the way of her happiness, Spector. Please, man to man” There was a pleading look in Asa’s eyes.

Marc wondered if Asa was right, had Marc gotten in the way of Rebecca’s life? ‘Whatever it is you two have had’ what did Asa think they had? Did Rebecca say something? Did she have the same feelings Marc felt?

Asa took his hand off the handle, and Marc entered the room. Rebecca was pacing the floor, turning when she heard it open.

Marc watched Asa’s face for a while. The little boy he had helped raise had changed a lot over the years, for better or for worse, but even after everything, even after all the fights he had witnessed Becca get in over the years, he cared deeply for his sister, his mind had just been skewed and manipulated by their dad and Jack, not unlike Rebecca. Marc was about to let him have this, to back down like Becca’s touch requested of him, when she spoke.

“You think Marc is the reason all this happened?”

All three men turned to her.

“Marc has done nothing but try to protect me since he was 9 years old, Asa. You are too young to remember a time before him, but dad was always like that! And Jack? Jack and I aren’t getting a divorce because of Marc, we’re getting a divorce because he beat the shit out of me!”

Asa’s brow furrowed in confusion, glancing at Jack with suspicion.

“This” She motioned to the pink scar on her face. “I didn’t trip and spill coffee, Jack threw tea at me!”

Marc watched as Rebecca laid it open for Asa, finally letting her brother in on the secrets she’d been keeping.

Jack tried to deny it, but she talked over him, only booking at her brother as she stepped forward. “Dad attempted to make me miscarry an imaginary baby, but he,” she pointed at Jack “He purposely got me pregnant, which I did not agree too, and then beat me so bad I bruised my rips and actually miscarried.”

Asa believed her, turning to Jack. “What the actual fuck man?”

Jack stayed cool, calm, attempting to talk his way out of it. “I didn’t do shit, c’mon Asa, you know me.”

Asa looked to Rebecca.

She looked at him gently, eyes filled with a sadness he rarely saw in her. “Asa, I wouldn’t lie to you, not about this”

Asa wanted to believe Jack. It was easier to believe Jack, to believe their dad, to hate Marc and blame him for Rebecca’s choices, but when he looked at them… All he could see was the ever-honest, painfully honest face of the woman who raised him, and the friend who had been there when his dad wasn’t. “Jack, get the fuck out.”

“Asa-”

“GET OUT!” Asa shouted, placing himself between Jack and his sister.

Jack turned to Rebecca “This isn’t over, I’m dragging this divorce out as long as possible, and I’ll bleed you dry while doing it”

Marc stepped back up. “Leave without making a scene, or I swear to god-”

Jack turned to Marc “I will fucking kill you” Before leaving.

Asa started to go after him for that threat, but Marc caught his shoulder. Asa turned quickly into Marc, taking him in an embrace. “I’m sorry” he muttered, apologizing for the last 20 years of near-silence and anger

Rebecca joined their hug. “Oh Ace, it’s okay”

Marc held him in a hug, relieved to have both the people he grew up with in his arms, safe, out of Jack and Carl’s grasp.

“Becc, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know” She pulled back, brushing a dark curl that wasn’t unlike Marc’s out of his face. “Let’s get through day one of the shiva, we can talk more after people leave, okay?”

Feeling more like a baby brother than he had in years, Asa nodded.

She was stunning, something straight out of a wedding magazine. Extensions in her hair that was half up, the rest in loose curls that cascaded from a tiara. The dress had to be designer, an a-line off the shoulder, low neckline and floral and lace detailing, something she looked beautiful in, but so distinctly not her.

Her face lit up when she saw him. ‘Marc! HI!” She stayed away from him, instead of rushing to take his hand like she used to. Marc supposed this was more appropriate, seeing as she was always married.

“Hey, metukah, what’s going on?”

She wrung her hand nervously. Since when was her nervous? “I’m just… just anxious, thats all. Big day” A slight chuckle. She was hiding something.

“Are you… are you having second thoughts?”

Her face faltered. “Well, not exactly… just… thoughts in general…”

He paused. This could be it. He could tell her. Two decades after meeting, 15 or so years after they gave their bodies to each other that night, he could do it. He could tell her loved her. He could take her away. “Becca.. Do you want to go?”

She hesitated. “I… I don’t know…”

“Is something wrong with him? Did Jack do anything?”

Rebecca shook her head. She wasn’t lying. He knew when she was lying, which was rare. “I’m just nervous”

“Why did you want to talk to me?” Give me something, he thought something that says you love me.

“You’re my best friend”

Was he? They had spoken less and less since she started seeing Jack…

He could tell her. He should tell her.

I love you I love you I love you

Are you sure you want her in this right now?

A chill ran through Marc’s spin with that ever more familiar voice in his head, he didn't dare look to the side. He knew who was standing there, a grim reminder of who he had become.

Marc didn’t have a stable job, a steady incoming, consistent housing.

He was the avatar for a god

He was a killer

He couldn’t provide anything for her. He never had been able to give her what she deserves, what Jack can. With Jack, she’ll never have to worry about living on the streets or when she’s going to eat. Jack’s never killed.

Marc thought through the faces of everyone he killed, every death he was responsible for.

She deserved better than what he could offer her.

“Rebecca, honey, it’s just jitters, that’s all” It killed him to say it. “He’ll take care of you, you’ll be happy.” Marc had to fight back the anger at himself, the frustration he felt, the tears of helplessness. This wasn’t his life. He couldn’t give her anything. This was the life she deserved. Pretty things, safety, security. He approached her, taking both her hands in his. “Rebecca, you make a beautiful bride”

She nodded, taking in the sight of him, and for a moment he could almost imagine he was at the alter with her, that it was him she was marrying… he let go on her hands before the fantasy took over.

When the night ended and guests left, Marc, Becca and Asa sat in the living room like they had done countless times throughout the years, catching up, reminiscing, hashing over old beefs and memories. Marc sensed a change, a change for the better.

They were a family again.

***************

I HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!!!

Come check out my spotify playlist!!!!

likes are beautiful, reblogs help a lot, and comments mean the world! I love you all!

I need to make a masterlist but I cant make headers or moodboards for shit so if anyone wants to make something I'll give you credit XD

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @ninebluehearts @sofi786 @myfandomlikesandstories @tippycakes26 @ahookedheroespureheart @arsonfrogger

Lmk if you'd like to join the tag list!

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faithfromanewperspective · 10 months

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Thomas/Tracey Lightwood: the trendsetter, protector, and more of a leader than we realise

I’ve come to the realisation that the main common thing the Merry Thieves have (aside from parents who are all friends and living in London and the same age) is that none of them are really compliant to the status quo. James is polite, but he will throw you in the river if you insult downworlders; Christopher won’t pick fights but he does have a fairly alternative pastime 90% of the time, Matthew identifies himself as a bohemian, and Thomas—well, we’ll get to him. In short, I see Thomas as the most quietly rebellious of them all, and somehow it took seeing him reimagined as a girl to see that.

This one’s actually quite a lot of Thomas, even though I will reference @thevagabondexpress’ genderbent counterpart. So, if you like Thomas or Thomastair, read on! Hopefully there’s something interesting here, and to set the mood, a simple playlist of Dorothea by Taylor Swift and Social Casualty by 5SOS. Why? Because I saw Tracey Lightwood grow into herself: someone who breaks the rules with the kind of expertise it takes to set trends and make meaningful change. We all want to be her, and she successfully manages not to be a victim of authority.

I’m going to go back to the beginning with this. In NBS, he’s the quiet one of the friend group who doesn’t like attention (James almost immediately sees their similarities, and makes sense, for he probably knew Thomas the best after the falling out of a tree incident about 4 years prior). But, despite his mother having been a mundane, he doesn’t see the little injustices and microagressions James does—at one point when James explains something he’s very annoyed about Thomas says he never thought about it that way. He also tries to get his friends to stop embarrassing him (with little success), even sometimes coming across a bit critical of Christopher’s creative ideas (which is understandable for a 14yo, but at the same time could have developed into insecurities Kit didn’t deserve). Anyway, my point is he’s still coming across as a good kid, who wants to please, and fit in. But as early as CLS, in the flashback at the start, we see him finding Alastair’s rude comments funny, and gravitating towards Alastair, who, at the time, seems the complete opposite of the sweet, kind and eager to please façade (and I would say it is genuine, not fake, it’s part of his personality, just not the whole of it) he puts on. It’s the classic stereotypical good girl/bad boy situation (but made gayer, drawn out, and overall just much healthier). What I mean by that, is the fawn-response-is-my-go-to-because-I-hate-any-kind-of-attention-as-it-always-involves-being-fussed-over people pleaser longs to be free from the box and the never-ending demands of interpersonal perfection and is thus drawn to someone who breaks their own rules, and who, learning from, they could figure out how to be themselves (except it’s not thought through that fully, like ever, it’s more like brain sees freedom potential + hot person I can maybe connect to; sounds fun, sexy, exciting, and like we will be less burdened by this burden we’re trying not to break it to ourselves we’re carrying).

Reigning myself in from discussing a certain band’s playing in to that exact thought process, Thomas might remind me of Calum but we’re discussing books.

Anyway, maintaining this half-true façade, like any kind of masking (and Thomas most definitely is masking, out of fear of social disapproval and attention), eventually gets exhausting, and usually leads to it breaking at some point and some rebellion coming through. For some, being away from strict parents for the first time means a time for trying new, more out-there things (that we would usually associate with teenagers, but some of us, yes me included, were for whatever reason scared or not confident to rebel). For some, our parents aren’t even that strict or anything, but the simple fact that we’re known as being one way by those around us means we kind of just stick to the role they give us, and we don’t have a clean slate to discover who we are behind all the masking and assumptions until we move somewhere we don’t know anyone. Thomas is the latter: when he moves to Spain, he gets a new weapon, the Bolas, he gets a tattoo, he goes to parties where he doesn’t know anyone even though it’s scary, and he more generally explores simply existing rather than being the ‘kind one’ of his friend group, or being Sophie and Gideon’s tiny, sickly youngest child. In some ways, his growth spurt is representative of a greater personal growth. Love that for him. And I think Chain of Gold is a bit of a weird mix of supportive friends ‘comrades with a gentle giant! Yay! Lets see tattoo hehe’ and viewing him in a box: ‘the kind one’ ‘our True Thomas?’ (in reference to his recommendation of not admitting to burning the house down).

But at least he’s portrayed as having a mind of his own (he got a tattoo, he chose not to go with his family but stay to help out in London, he was the first to befriend Alastair in London til Matthew dropped the bomb on him quite rudely). And this is where we get to the gender lens. For a man, this is somewhat bare minimum, expected. For a woman, it’s a statement (cue, Tessa Gray, ‘a woman with tattoos?’). And this is Tracey. She’s got a mind of her own: she got a tattoo, she has her ears pierced in a time it was uncommon (how rebellious, am I right?). She is a protector, of her friends especially but she’s also restless to be a hero, and doesn’t care about the risk. She helps Alice with her case, which we probably associate more with kindness than the kind of protectiveness that’s normalised in men but seems almost like, quoting Anna Lightwood, ‘stealing fire from the gods’ in a woman. But it's all part of the same picture. That, with her height and build, make her not exactly unfeminine but the kind of empowered that most women of her era never get to be, but in their hearts really want to. It makes sense why when she gets a bob out of necessity (10 years ahead of mundane fashion too) the practical and metamorphosing Christa and the fashionista Michelle follow her. And, unlike with Thomas, when she accepts Alice, her friends do pretty much follow her lead without fuss.

She’s still Thomas in so many ways: she’s not trying to get attention. It’s not her fault everyone would want to be her. Just like it’s not Thomas’ fault he grew up tall and muscular and handsome when he would much rather take up much less space, both literally and socially. Tracey surely is insecure about her size as well—and for both of them it’s something other people admire, and certainly don’t discriminate against them for—but the reaction does look slightly different. For Tracey, it’s more noticed, even unconsciously, but for Thomas, it’s more a passing observation. Though that could be something to do with the ratio of Alice POV to Alastair POV. Still, Tracey does come off a little more respected. Less restricted by her friends, maybe, or less affected by it if she is. Maybe because like how Thomas is emotional support person of the Merry Thieves (and that’s generally seen as a more feminine role) Tracey also usurps gender roles by being the protector. A bit less emotionally intertwined with their offenses, able to agree with Alice’s assessment of Judith as Claude’s ‘amnesiac trainwreck of a wife’ while she’s missing (I think Thomas would be fuming at that and very worried about James in that situation).

Backtracking a little—throughout the series, Thomas’ need to not be constricted comes out, most notably in his lone patrols. For Tracey, it’s much the same, but it also shows when she befriends Alice and actually defends her in front of her friends. She seems more confident. Maybe that’s why she’s such a trendsetter and you can’t help but want to be her a little. Maybe that’s why she can attempt to do her vigilante patrols without being placed under lock and key as a woman would usually be. I’ll think of her, and her confidence, when I go for that overdue haircut and my next piercing which will hopefully be creative in a good way and not simply strange (but who cares if it is, right?). And yet, somehow in the construction of this amazing character, she does lose some of that relatableness and adorable awkwardness that makes Thomas Thomas—and, to your credit, we mostly don’t see until Chain of Thorns (after we know him for everything else I’ve mentioned, he really is a beautifully real and complex character). Because it’s not like Thomas isn’t confident—he’s just got a bit of a dependent relationship with his friends, and most people he knows in general—considering his childhood, who is surprised? He is actually secure in his sexuality and confident to come out as gay—I think the only reason he doesn’t earlier is because he knows he likes Alastair and that Matthew will flip and he doesn’t want what he views as an irrational crush on someone he has beef against to cause conflict. Part of the way he’s protective of his friends is that he’s scared of making them feel hurt even briefly. I think Alastair helps him outgrow that. Because he does have a lot of Tracey Lightwood in him. Alastair knows he’s proud and good and has the heart of a hero. Yes he gets love for being awkward and a simp but Thomas is so much more than that, and there’s still more growing he has to do to grow into himself, even after Madrid and Paris where he first tasted freedom, and fully realise who he is—and who I needed Tracey Lightwood to be written to properly see.

Who Alastair saw all along, and I hope that as James and Matthew move past everything they've gone through pre- and during tlh that kept them both not exactly present, will also get to know and celebrate.

#thomas lightwood #genderbent tlh #genderbent tsc

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heroeslostintranslation · 2 years

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~ Da Boiyos! ~

Nicknames, personalities, and which game(s) they’re from. Everything is very subject to change. All but one of these Links are dads who have at least one kid in the 8-12 range. Also worth noting that I’m not a fan of any of the mangas (aside from the one in Hyrule Historia), so these are all based on my impressions of the different Links from their games. I may or may not decide to include other Links later; these are just the ones I’m currently most familiar with. Enjoy, let me know what you think, send me asks, etc.

~~~

Wild (BotW): Dork. Wide-eyed and adventurous. Wicked smart (understands all the Sheikah tech even though it’s not his thing), absolute nerd, obsessively documents everything (both For Science and because memory issues). Has ADHD. Insatiably curious. Is actually genius. Loves puns. Loves kids. Loves horses. Is just as susceptible to homesickness as he is to going stir crazy. Fiercely protective, especially of his family. Interpersonal conflict averse (will shut down rather than argue if someone is really upset). VERY blunt. The Fun / Embarrassing Dad to his & Zelda’s eight kids. Makes a point to spend time one-on-one with each of them. They go on family outings (“adventures”) a ton.

Sky (SS): Cream puff. Stronk af but zero staying power. Slepby. Tends to sleep at dawn and dusk, often up in the middle of the night. Always tired. Also a playful menace and prankster. Can be a bit catty, but only when he’s really upset. Self esteem issues. Very lovey-dovey with Zelda & their many kids, will give you diabetes. Loves Being A Dad. Very sweet and soft. But also a cold murderous rage machine against anyone / anything that harms or threatens his family. Possible BPD (or tendencies), definitely ADHD.

Minish (MC/4S): Bean. Blacksmith. Very childlike. Adventuring days are behind him and he is Very Content With That. Loving and playful with Zelda & their three kids, two girls and a boy. Thoughtful, pensive, but makes decisions quickly, processes options lightning fast (had to when divided). Loves teaching his kids about blacksmithing and the Minish, loves watching them learn anything, really. Very Supportive “Be Yourself” Dad.

Time (OoT/MM): Lost boy. Very quiet. Never really grows up. Tries. Just Wants To Be Good. Malon understands and helps a ton. Wants to be a good dad but doesn’t know how. Doesn’t know how to Hylian. Keeps busy with farm work because he feels like he has to be useful or he’s failed. Teenage years were hard. Lots of flashbacks. Major PTSD, but more insidious because he was so young. Dead hand, redead, and moon nightmares. High-functioning autistic?

Twilight (TP): Responsible, reliable (see: “Surface Pressure” from Encanto). Loves kids to death. Adores animals. Got over Midna quickly (it was intense though) and turned his heart to Ilia. Spirit longs to wander but duty keeps him home. Doesn’t tell his kids about his wolf form, Ilia may or may not know. Hard worker. Loves playing and working with his kids. Extremely hands-on dad. Tends to bury how he feels; just wants to focus on the present & what needs to be done. Extremely practical.

Sailor (WW/PH): Marshmallow. Not A Pirate & proud of that (though he gets along great with Tetra’s crew). Prefers to be on the “moral high ground” with things. Big Brother instincts to the max, not always a good thing, and not just with Aryll. Wants & strives to live up to his idea of what a Hero is: a paragon of goodness, virtue, and strength. Very emotive. Feels things very strongly, but is motivated rather than paralyzed by his emotions. A bit of a helicopter dad to his & Tetra’s daughter; a bit too protective & super doting. Wrapped around his daughter’s little finger, knows it, and doesn’t mind one bit.

Roolie (Z1/AoL): Button. Very Polite. Can’t say “no” to a request for help. Very Soft Dad, will discipline but rarely raises his voice. Strict about certain things. Wants to make sure his kids are Decent People despite being royalty (wants to prevent a repeat of Zelda’s brother). Takes them out with him to serve the community to teach them the idea of “serving the people”. Steve Irwin dress code policy (wears comfy adventuring gear to formal castle shindigs ‘cause why not?). Very humble. Still a bit shy around his wife, adores her though.

Captain (HW): Distrusts women, with few exceptions. Married to his Zelda but they keep it out of the public eye. Boy-next-door personality. Has Cia trauma (was her prisoner of war; HW showed the PG version of what happened in the Temple of Souls). Usually takes his son with him (might also have a daughter? maybe several?), tours the country often. Teaches his son chivalry and swordplay, can be fun but rarely has the time to just relax. Gives his kids all the attention he can spare, which is less than he’d like. Naturally charismatic but not so much a “charmer”, more honest and noble. Very Religious, nearly to the point of superstition (but not quite).

Age (HW: AoC): Naturally stoic with a daredevil streak. Doesn’t Know How To Dad. More apt to duck his head and do as he’s told rather than speak his mind. Doesn’t like rocking the boat. Harbors guilt and uncertainty about his title of Hero; wonders if he even deserves it when time-travel shenanigans had to happen to take down the Calamity. Bottles everything up. Zelda is the one spark of light in his life, and he clings to that tenaciously. Combat & tactical genius, but Does Not Do Puzzles. Doesn’t like ‘em, can’t do ‘em. Soft Inside but doesn’t know how to be soft.

Feral (HLT AU): Soft boi very hurt. Like a combination of Age & Wild. Extremely serious, doesn’t know how to “lighten up” or joke around, as much as he would like to. Can appreciate humor, camaraderie, and playful banter when he sees it, but he has no idea how to participate. Does Not Like Fighting. He can and he will, but only when he must. Much prefers ranged and stealth over melee, or whatever will end combat the quickest. Has frequent flashbacks. Extremely curious, but nearly silent about it. Trust issues so entrenched that there’s no longer any emotion attached to them; it’s just a fact of life to him. Very careful with his words, tends to (quietly) correct others when they misspeak. Secretly a bean who never wants to hurt anyone (except those who are absolutely evil, but even then he struggles).

#loz #tloz #loz au #tloz au #botw link #ss link #mc link #oot link #tp link #ww link #loz link #alttp link #hw link #aoc link #hlt #heroes lost in translation #heroeslostintranslation #worldbuilding

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keyhearts · 2 months

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These radqueers disturb me. Some of them talk about wanting to 'transition' by removing body parts and blinding themselves. They're created this community where they all validate each other and don't even see what they want as a problem. They think it's something they need. They parade it as a good thing.

If you are fortunate enough to have a healthy body, please treasure it and appreciate it. You have no idea how much freedom you have. You can spend a day out without your joints hurting. You can go on hikes and experience beautiful nature. You can go to amusement parks without the pain of standing in lines being a problem. You don't have to worry about getting arthritis or whether an activity would be too hard on your joints. You should treasure that freedom.

I get it. You all believe if you make yourselves look sick enough then people will pay attention to you. But I want you to really think about what you're saying. The true reality of 'transitioning' to such a life would be painful, and it would make your life harder, not easier. You would have to completely change how you live. I know you think you'll have it easier and that everyone will take care of you, but that's a very naive way of thinking.

Making yourself helpless won't help you. Neither will inflicting more traumas on yourselves. Loving your body, and appreciating what it does for you is so important.

These people are so stupid! I hate them! They're so fucking stupid! I hate them, I hate them! Why are they so stupid?

When I was a teenager, I was obsessing over fandoms or daydreaming. Why can't they just do that? Why do they have to be such morons instead!

Because it's fucking moronic. To want to amputate yourself. To want yourself to be mind controlled. To want your life to be worse. Why? It'll just make it harder to achieve a good life. It'll make it harder to heal.

They are so fucking idiotic. I don't care how much they have allegedly suffered. Some things are just outright unhealthy and toxic.

I wish I could force them to see how stupid they're being. I wish I could say what I really want to say. Because having this type of trauma means I often cannot say what I want to say. But I will say this.

None of you have ever bothered to self reflect. You refuse to accknowledge any problem whatsoever with your behaviours or reflect on why you're doing them. But it's clear you want to feel special. You want to have suffered the most. You feel the pain you have experienced wasn't enough, so you strive for more.

Do you know how if feels to see people claiming they want my trauma. That they need to have experienced it? Do you know how angry it makes me feel? It's a cold, simmering anger.

By all means, yank the trauma out of my skull and take it for yourself. No take backs. 😊 Once you are hit with the flashbacks you'll understand. I've seen PTSD flashbacks described as feeling the past is happening in the present moment, but I feel that doesn't quite emphasise just how real those sensations feel. Just how much they really do feel like they are real physical sensations happening to you right now.

And don't foreget about the rules. Have fun navigating the rules. I certainly won't miss them. Good luck with feeling trapped in your own head, for years, unable to front. Unable to have any sense of ownership over your own life. Because news flash! You don't belong in the outside world. You must stay, hidden away. Unseen by even your own system.

And I, for one, will be glad to be able to freely speak of forbidden things. To finally feel like other people don't have control over the inner workings of my brain. I truly hope you enjoy feeling like that. Truly.

Because it's what you asked for, isn't it? It's exactly what you want. To feel like an object. To be humiliated. To be shamed. To be worthless.

You wouldn't be able to handle it. You wouldn't be able to survive it. You can't even imagine it.

Truly, I hope you grow up to feel deeply embarrassed of your actions. I hope you get no closure from it and have to live with that shame forever. You are all a blight on society.

You may call me cruel, you may call me mean, but that is how the lot of you make me feel. Your desire to have experienced my trauma is what sparks this deep anger within me. How dare you want this.

How dare you. Want this.

#I will not disturb the tags... this time #But I cannot keep this fury in anymore #vent #Abel #Or at least the second half is.

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outofmy-system · 1 year

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the worst part of it all is that I have the most amazing girlfriend I could ever imagine and I feel like I'm bettaying her somehow by writing about this and ranting, i already talked to her about it and I told her that I was going through this phase where suddenly I had a lot of triggers and flashbacks that took me back to my old relationship and God she was so nice and lovely about it, we were playing with hards and having a drink and it was such a nice night, i fell in love with her all over again I swear to God, it was one of those moments where time just stops and it's you and her, but I still can't help but feel like I'm being an asshole. i know I have to write about this because honestly it's the only way I feel i can't get rid of everything I'm thinking and feeling but it's been so long that it's truly embarrassing to spend my time just ranting about this. i can't help it but to feel shame and guilt by giving room to these kind of feelings. my psychologist says that I improved so much with so many topics and with the medication that maybe right now it's time for me to deal with stuff that was hidden under a rug but idk. i guess it feels dumb to talk ab my teenage years.

#its been so long this is fucking embarrassing #rant #gf #guess it helps to get it out of my system

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maddiwrites · 3 years

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Breathe With Me

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: After finding out who hurt you on that horrific night, JJ helps you through another panic attack and makes plans to protect his girl.

Note: This was requested a long time ago after a chapter of my rewrite was posted! Instead of doing JJ x OC, like requested, I changed it to JJ x Reader so that people who don’t read my rewrite can enjoy it too. Hopefully this is okay with ya’ll.

Word Count: 3.5k

WARNINGS: Sexual Assault!!! This chapter has descriptions of sexual assault. Please do not read if this is TRIGGERING!!!!

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Masterlist

It was another regular day on the island. Hot and crowded with tourists. With everyone working, you decided to tag along with JJ and Pope to delivery groceries for Heyward’s business. Usually this meant going to Figure Eight, your least favorite place to be. Normally it didn’t creep you out too much, but because of a rather recent incident, you didn’t like being there.

Right after your dad went missing, you spent a lot of time with Kie as she lived out her Kook Year. Avoiding the Pogues and John B and surrounding yourself with stuck up assholes and their expensive drugs and alcohol helped you forget about your own family crisis. You would do anything to take your mind off your dad’s disappearance even if it meant getting high on whatever was offered to you. You didn’t ask twice about what it was. You figured if the rich people we’re doing it, it couldn’t be that bad right?

One night you did a long line surrounded by Rafe and a couple of his buddies. Pretty much everything after that was a blur. Your memories are fuzzy, like a puzzle piece you can’t piece together. The last thing you remember is your black hitting something soft, like a mattress or a pillow. You thought you heard the zipper of your shorts being pulled down but figured it was Kie helping you change into a pair of pajamas.

The next morning you woke up practically naked with a blanket covering your bottom half and your bra pulled down to your stomach. You began to panic and ran your hands down your side, flinching at the tenderness by your hips. The skin was yellow/green and getting ready to bruise. Your breathing became shallow and your throat tightened up. You fumbled around the room you didn’t recognize for your clothes and slid them on, not caring what was backwards or inside out. You stumbled out the door and tip toed down the long staircase of the large house you were in. Figure Eight, you thought.

You didn’t go home first. You went to Kie’s house. Because your body ached. Because you wanted to cry but didn’t want John B or the other boys to hear you. Because you were afraid to be naked around anyone but another girl. The second she opened the door, you sobbed into her arms and told her what you think happened to you. Kie tried to get you to go to the police or even the hospital, but you couldn’t fathom the idea of anyone knowing about what happened. Not even a stranger. Because you were embarrassed. You blamed yourself for this happening to you. You were high as fuck, trying to forget about your family troubles. You were the one to make yourself weak and vulnerable. No one else. Someone just took advantage of the position you put yourself in.

Kie didn’t pressure you. She wanted to support you in whatever decision you made, despite wanting justice for you and sending whoever the sleaze bag was to jail. She sat on the toilet and talked to you as you showered slowly. You spent most of the time staring at the wall and feeling ever inch of your body. You felt so dirty and no amount of soap or scrubbing could make you feel any cleaner.

You stayed at her house for a couple of days until John B eventually texted her because he was worried. You both decided it was time for you to go home, but you never told them what happened. You were afraid of what John B and even JJ would do if they found out. And the last thing you wanted was for either of them to get hurt or in trouble.

John B didn’t notice something was off as much as JJ did. He could tell you were being more quiet and reserved than usual. Your usual style of crop tops and jean shorts changed to sweats and baggy t shirts. You slept with your door locked and didn’t touch a single can of beer since you came home.

Moving on from that night was a slow and gruesome process, one you don’t know if you’ll ever fully recover form. Luckily for you, JJ was a great distracter. He was an amazing story teller, he could make you laugh with a small hand gesture, and his laugh could draw you in for hours. No one was surprised when the two of you eventually started dating. Not even John B, who was a little apprehensive about it at first.

To JJ, everything came to light when another make out session became heated. Like that morning, it became hard to breathe and your mind wandered off to what could have happened to you that night. In a blink of an eye, you were back in Figure Eight with someone pulling your zipper down. You could physically feel the bruises on your hips again and your skin burning.

A panic attack emerged and JJ was left confused and lost. Fortunately for you, he was quick to realize something was seriously wrong and helped you through it. He breathed with you and talked you down. When you were calm, you explained what happened. At first he was pissed. Pissed at whoever could have done this to you and even a little bit at you and Kie for keeping this from him. He was ready to charge out of the house, grab John B, and find the sick son of a bitch who would touch an unconscious girl. But your cries stopped him. He’s never heard pain in your voice like he did that night. It physically cracked his heart into a million little pieces and he dropped every instinct he had and stayed with you instead.

Since then, he’s been the most supportive and protective boyfriend. At every boneyard party, he would keep an eye out for any Kook that decided to show their face on your turf. He took note of anyone looking at you in a weird way. He carried the gun he stole from Scooter in his backpack for protection. He was serious about using it too. No one touches his girl and gets away with it.

Luckily, nothing happened between JJ and any Kook. No one made a move to talk to you or tease you. Kooks kept their usual distance from you, which not only made you feel better for yourself but because you didn’t want something to happen to JJ. You know the rules of the game of this island. Nothing bad ever happens to Kooks. They don’t know consequences.

When Pope docks his boat, he asks if you would come with him to drop groceries off at the Thorntons. If he did it alone, it would cause two trips and he doesn’t want to waste time.

As you go to agree, JJ steps in and shakes his head as he looks between you two. “I don’t think thats a good idea.”

“Why not?” Pope asks, completely clueless.

You subtly shake your head, silently begging for JJ not to say anything. Pope and John B still didn’t know and you want to keep it that way. Sure you would feel safer with JJ by your side, but you won’t be alone. You will be with Pope. And who would try to start something in the middle of the day anyway?

“It’s fine, J,” You tell him. You even try to joke. “I’m sure you’ll survive one hour without me.”

When you kiss his cheek, JJ turns to look at you with his brows pinched together with worry. “Y/N...”

“Seriously, J...” You say. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” You whisper that last part as Pope turns to get the bags.

“You have your phone?”

You nod and pull it out of your pocket to show him. “Yes. I’ll call you if anything happens.”

As JJ walks in the opposite direction of you and Pope, you feel the tension in your shoulders get tighter. The sight of these homes gives you flashbacks. The worst part about all of this is you don’t even know who hurt you. It could’ve been anyone - a touron even. It would be easier to know who did it so you know who to avoid.

Pope notices your change in behavior but doesn’t mention it. Instead he keeps a silent eye on you and studies your every movement.

As you pass the golf course, you hear a couple cat calls and cheering from a group of teenagers. When you look up, you see Rafe, Topper, and one of their friends making their way over to you. You take a step behind Pope, hiding behind his body and keeping your eyes trained down on your shoes.

“What do we have here?” Rafe whistles as he comes closer. He looks down at the bags in your arms and the beer in Pope’s hand. “Bring us something?”

“These are already paid for,” Pope glares at them.

“Oh, right, right,” Rafe nods as if he understands. Then he takes is golf club and swings it at the brown paper bag in Pope’s arms, causing everything to spill out of it.

“Dude!”

“Sorry, man!” Rafe holds his hands up in fake surrender. He leans down to pick up a beer bottle and tosses it to his tall friend. “Trevor, you feeling thirsty?”

The guy, better known as Trevor, cracks the beer open and takes a long sip. When he looks down, he spots you and eyes your figure up and down. Then he smirks to himself and a shiver runs down your spine. You don’t like the way he’s looking at you. Like a piece of meat or someone he knows too much of.

Rafe catches his eye and smirks to himself. “Ah, yeah. I forgot. You and Routledge have some history.”

Pope looks over his shoulder at you and sees your chest rising and dropping at a quicker pace. You’re gripping the bags in your hands so tight that he can see your knuckles turning white. You look away from the group of Kooks at the golf course with a frown on your face. Something was wrong, Pope thought.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Trevor chuckles. He looks at you again and tilts his head. “What? You don’t remember me?”

“Pope...” You feel like you’re choking. How could he know you when you have no idea who he is? You don’t like where this is going.

Trevor continues, “Can’t say I blame you. You were out of your mind wasted that night -”

“What the hell is he talking about?” Pope says, looking between you and Trevor. He wasn’t one to get confrontational or angry, but he didn’t like what he was hearing. He didn’t like how you were acting. Something wasn't adding up. He knew you’ve hooked up with Kooks before, but this one was different.

“Almost as dead as her daddy,” Rafe chuckles. Something in Pope snaps and he pushes Rafe back by his shoulders. In retaliation, Rafe raises his golf club and smacks it against the middle of Pope’s back, causing him to fall down with a thump.

“Pope!” You cry and drop the bags you were holding and kneel next to him.

“Hey,” Trevor touches your shoulder to try and pull you away from the two fighting boys, but you flinch away from him.

“Don’t touch me! Get away from me!” You cry.

Trevor immediately holds up his hands in surrender and takes a step back. Your outburst causes everyone to freeze in their movements, even Rafe and Pope. The wheels in Topper’s head start to move a little quicker too. He looks between you and Trevor and feels off about your connection. You looked terrified. And Y/N Routledge was almost never terrified.

Even though you are outside, you feel claustrophobic. Your heart is beating so heavily against your ribcage that you wouldn’t be surprised if it were to break your ribs. Pope notices you’re two shades paler and having a hard time breathing. Tears are silently falling down your face and you continue to crawl away form the group of Kooks backwards.

“Y/N...” Pope says quietly.

“We should go,” Topper says. He never hated you like some of the other Kooks did. Sure you never got along, but a small part of him thought you were cool. He knew something was extremely wrong and he couldn’t help but think it had to do with their friend, Trevor. He looks at Rafe who continues to stare at you with surprise. “Dude.”

“Yeah...” Rafe says slowly. “Trev, let’s go.”

The three Kooks scatter back to the golf course. You squeeze your eyes tightly and grip the fabric of your shirt, pulling it away from your body because right now it just feels suffocating.

“Hey.” Pope crouches down near you and lightly touches your shoulder. His touch feels like an electric shock, making you flinch even further away. When you open your eyes, you’re back in some random Kook’s house on a mattress you’re unfamiliar with. “They’re gone. Hey, they’re gone.” Pope tries to be gentle with you, but he also wants to get you out of here and in a more comfortable setting.

“JJ,” You manage to say. Your throat feels on fire. “I need J-”

Pope immediately starts fumbling for his cell phone and dials his best friend’s number. He bounces on the balls of his feet as he impatiently listens to the ringing. “Come on. Come on.”

JJ answers. “Hey! Sorry I’m on my way back now. You’ll never believe how much this lady tipped me. I swear I’m coming on every -”

“JJ, shut up and listen to me. Y/N...” He glances back at you and sees you’re hunched over with your forehead resting on your knees and your fingers through your hair. “She’s having a panic attack or something. I - I don’t -”

“Where are you?” JJ’s once elated tone has dropped to a more serious one.

Pope tries explaining what part of the golf course they are near.

“Okay. I’ll be there in five minutes. Pope, get her under some shade or something. And if you can, try to get her to look at you. She needs to open her eyes to see where she is.” Pope nods, forgetting that JJ can’t see him. “Pope!”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Okay, doing that now.”

JJ hangs up the phone so he can run faster.

Meanwhile, Pope crouches down in front of you again and says, “Y/N/N, hey. Can you open your eyes?” Pope lightly taps your ankles. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just me.” You slowly blink your eyes open and sniffle back the tears. Pope smiles when he sees he’s made some sort of progress. “Hey. JJ’s on his way. Why don’t we move you under some shade? It’s getting pretty hot out here. Can I help you up?”

You nod and let Pope help you up and bring you a couple feet away under a large tree. Your back rests against the bark and you try taking deep breaths to calm the swirling nausea in your stomach.

It was Trevor. It had to be Trevor. From the way he looked at you, to the innuendo Rafe made. You knew in your heart that it was Trevor who had hurt you that night.

A part of you always wanted to know who did this, but another part of you wished you never figured it out. Because now his face will haunt you forever.

About a minute later, you hear another set of footsteps quickly coming your way. You panic, your immediate thought going to Trevor. Would he come back?

But then you hear your boyfriend’s beautiful voice. “Hey.” His tone is soft and gentle. “Hey, baby. Look at me. It’s JJ.” You open your eyes and meet the lovely blue one’s you fell in love with. He grins at you and takes your hands in his.

“I’m so - sorry,” You sob, suddenly hating yourself for bringing this back up to your boyfriend and ruining Pope’s work routine. “I - I -”

“Hey,” JJ says and pulls your hands to his chest, palms down. “Remember what we did last time? Match my breathing, okay? Ready? Take a deep breath.”

Pope watches with awe silently from the sidelines. He’s never seen this side of either one of you. You so panic stricken and scared, JJ so intent with concern and intuitive.

You follow JJ’s breathing until you feel calm enough to breathe on your own. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” JJ shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

You look down at your hands that are folded in your lap. You want to tell him. Of course you want to tell him. But you’re afraid of what happens next. You’re afraid of how JJ will respond.

“Rafe, Topper, and their friend Trevor jumped us,” Pope answers for you. Like JJ, he’s also curious about what happened. Of course he was there for the physical breakdown, but he wants to know more about what you’re going through emotionally.

“Did they hurt you?” JJ looks back at you and inspects every inch of your open skin for signs of scratches or bruises.

You shake your head. “No.”

“Then...”

“I know who it was,” You say, your voice as soft as a whisper.

“What? You mean. -” JJ’s head snaps back and forth between you and Pope. “Who?”

You dip your chin into your chest to hide your tears as they start to flow again. You take a deep breath and look back up at your boyfriend. “Trevor.”

“Who the fuck is Trevor?” JJ looks at Pope.

Pope shrugs, “I don’t know. He was golfing with the other two Kooks.”

“Where’d they go?” JJ stands up, causing both you and Pope to follow him.

“No, JJ -” You try to pull him back to you but he slips his wrist out of your grip.

“JJ!” Pope calls out to JJ who walks in the direction the other three disappeared to.

“JJ, stop!” Your voice cracks which makes JJ turn around to look at you. “Please. I just want to go home.”

JJ freezes and bites down on his bottom lip, feeling conflicted. His head is telling him to run after the Kooks and beat every single one of their faces in until he finds the one named Trevor. But his heart is telling him to walk back to you and take care of you.

“Okay,” he decides and wraps his arm around your waist. “Let’s get you home.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After you fall asleep later that night, JJ tip toes out of your room and silently shuts your door behind him. You passed out early, exhausted from the panic attacks and crying. In the living room, Pope, Kie, and John B are waiting. You had no other choice but to tell John B what happened. Now that Pope knew, it felt wrong keeping it from your brother as well. Of course it caused an argument, but in the end, John B only wants the best for you and to protect you. Which is why they’re here now.

“Ready to go?” JJ looks directly at your brother.

John B holds up his car keys. “Let’s go.”

“Whoa, where do you think you’re going?” Kie grabs John B by the elbow and glares at both of them.

“Where do you think?” JJ says.

When Pope and Kie stepped out of the room to check on you, JJ and John B both secretly decided that when you fell asleep, the two of them would sneak out and find this Trevor person and give him what he deserves.

“Don’t be stupid,” Pope says, looking between the two. “You know how this works. The two of you end up getting in trouble and he gets to walk away clean.”

“I don’t care. I’ll kill him -”

“You can’t,” Kie says.

“I’m not asking for your permission, Kie!”

“Where’s the gun?” Kie says. “If you’re going to do this, I’m not letting you bring the gun. Leave it here.”

JJ looks up at John B who reluctantly nods his head for JJ to give it up. The blonde sighs and reaches into the back of his waistband and pulls it out.

“This is a bad idea,” Pope says again even though he knows the other two don’t give a shit. In a way, he kind of respects it. He would go to if he didn’t have a scholarship to worry about.

“Keep an eye on her. We’ll be back in a couple hours,” John B says.

“You better hope you are. Because if you’re not, you’re only going to be making this worse for her,” Kie tells them.

Kie’s words have both John B and JJ rethinking their decision. But only for a split second.

JJ nods. “Don’t worry. I’d never leave my girl behind.”

#jj maybank #jj x reader #jj fic #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #obx fic #obx imagine

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cyndavilachase · 4 years

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“It’s not you, Connie, it’s all the other stuff from before.”

“What is he talking about?”

“You didn’t tell your mom?!”

“Didn’t tell me what?!”

Some thoughts:

Just in time for new episodes! I was intending to make another prediction, but this time, I’m treating this one as a wish, in addition to some analysis. Connie is one of my favorites, and I’ve never written meta in my 8 years being in this fandom. With a week left until the finale, I think it’s time I did one as a bit of a final farewell for myself.

The center focus for Future is on Steven now canonically having PTSD. He has trauma, and it’s serious, and it needs to be explored and brought to a place of healing first and foremost. But there was another child who was there for a lot of the things Steven experienced his age– Connie.

There’s a plethora of incidents she dealt with in the original series, starting with Bubble Buddies. The biggest one? Change Your Mind. Connie was held against her will with her mouth closed by a possessed version of her mentor, and had to watch her best friend have one of his key body parts torn out of him while she couldn’t do anything. She thought he was dead. She had to carry his dying body over to his other half while he was struggling in pain.

Future has established that their adventures weren’t just fantasy violence. Trauma is a part of this show now. With that in mind, there is, realistically, absolutely no way that Connie wouldn’t have at least some issues with all of the stuff she went through. She may have been through less than Steven, but she was still a human child that was part of a war, and witnessed some rather gruesome events when broken down. Some of which were included in Steven’s flashbacks. She almost drowned, twice. She was kidnapped. She’s been attacked by monsters on numerous occasions.

I don’t think she would have PTSD. She had a normal life to go back to and her adventures weren’t on the daily like Steven. But notice how she throws herself into her studies. She could be overworking herself as a coping mechanism for all the stuff that’s starting to come up now that she’s older. She could easily have some anxiety, or perhaps trauma effects her without a label.

You could argue that she had her parents to talk about it with… but here’s the thing. Those lines above from Growing Pains? I don’t think that was about the proposal. Think about it. Why would Steven be surprised about Connie not telling her mom about his proposal? That’s, for one, super embarrassing for both of them, and I doubt a mother would react well to a boy proposing to her teenage daughter. It’s too soon for either of them to talk about it. I think it was about her adventures with Steven.

Priyanka didn’t even know about any of the things Steven talked about during his flashbacks, she had to ask him about any stressful experiences he went through as a child. If Connie told her about even some of the details of her adventures with Steven, how would she not know?

Nightmare Hospital established that Priyanka wanted Connie to stop lying to her about her adventures with Steven.. but, I don’t think she stopped lying.

Or at the very least, she continued to hide it. Maybe some things were just too much for her to talk about, so she kept them in her head. Like she always does.

“I’m thinking mad” -From Beach City Drift

Steven was there for that conversation in Nightmare Hospital. Of course he’d be surprised that Priyanka doesn’t know about anything, when Connie promised she would stop lying to her mom.

From a writing standpoint, Connie having trauma would be a great addition to her character. It gives her flaws, and it gives her something that she and Steven can mutually understand about each other. Their support for each other would only strengthen. Not only that, but it would tell the audience– most importantly, kids– that trauma effects everyone in different ways, and that everyone handles it differently.

We have a week left until the finale. Connie is one of my favorites, and I think it would be awesome if the series touches on this idea at least a smidge.

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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 years

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Emotional Flashbacks

Most people know that PTSD can cause flashbacks, in which the survivor re-experiences the traumatic event, sometimes seeing or hearing it play out all over again.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that flashbacks don’t always look like that. Especially if your trauma was in early childhood (meaning you no longer have actual memories of the event because you were too young) or if it was from repeated or long-term traumatic events, the flashback might not involve seeing or hearing anything.

Sometimes, people with trauma will have what is called an emotional flashback: this means that they re-experience the emotions of the traumatic event rather than the other sensory details. These emotional flashbacks are often strongly associated with Complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

In Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, Pete Walker writes:

Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions to the overwhelming feeling-states of being an abused/abandoned child. These feeling states can include overwhelming fear, shame, alienation, rage, grief, and depression. They also include unnecessary triggering of our fight/flight instincts.

It is important to state here that emotional flashbacks, like most things in life, are not all-or-none. Flashbacks can range in intensity from subtle to horrific. They can also vary in duration ranging from moments to weeks on end where they devolve into what many therapists call a regression.

When I first read Walker’s book and learned about emotional flashbacks, I started thinking back to times when something relatively innocuous made me feel absolutely TERRIBLE--when the emotional reaction I had to something was either bizarre (it seemed like the “wrong” emotion to be feeling in that situation) or when my feelings were hugely outsized in relation to the actual issue.

I thought of the time when I was a teenager and an earwig crawled very close past my face in my room when my brother was there, and I begged him to kill it for me, and he refused, and I MELTED DOWN. I was terrified, in despair, angry... I probably acted like a five-year-old. And recalling that experience later, I knew that if I had been alone in the room, I just would have grabbed a shoe and killed it myself. I didn’t know why I had such an INTENSE reaction to such a relatively harmless experience.

I thought of the times when I was with a group of people and started telling a story and then partway through realized that nobody was listening to me. I thought of how SOUL-CRUSHING that experience was to me--how it made me feel like I was entirely alone in the world and would never be loved. I mean, it’s not a pleasant experience for anybody, but surely it shouldn’t have resulted in that kind of existential despair?

The first emotional flashback I really identified as such was one time when I got stuck at an intersection. A semi was trying to make a turn and didn’t do it right and got stuck right in the middle of this intersection. Nothing could get past him. People needed to back up to let him complete the turn, but they didn’t think they had room to do so. Long story short, I rolled down my window and helped the drivers get backed up enough that the semi was able to complete its turn and clear the intersection. I was satisfied and proud of myself for helping.... for about 45 seconds. And then suddenly, I was struck with this overwhelming WAVE of shame. I was SO EMBARRASSED. I thought that everybody involved in the incident must have thought I was such a show-off, and I must have hurt people’s feelings, and everybody must have been so mad at me! And I burst into tears. Thinking about it later, I knew that NOTHING that had happened in that situation should have led to me feeling ashamed or embarrassed. The emotion seemed inappropriate for the situation.

Learning to identify when you’re having an emotional flashback is hugely important for two reasons:

1. It can help you get a proper diagnosis, if you’ve been diagnosed with anxiety or depression or something and have never been evaluated for PTSD. Getting the proper diagnosis is the first step to getting genuinely helpful treatment.

2. As you learn to identify your emotional flashbacks while you’re having them (a process that takes time and practice!) you can learn to calm yourself and deal with them, and thus get out of them more quickly.

If you have been diagnosed with a mental health or mood disorder, it might be worthwhile to take some time to think back and decide if some of your intense experiences of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, shame, loneliness, sorrow, and despair might actually have been emotional flashbacks.

#panic attacks #depression #anxiety #trauma #ptsd #c-ptsd #emotional flashbacks

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citrusdarling7 · 3 years

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Dumbledore's Villainhood

description- an essay i wrote when i should have been doing actual course work

warnings- mentions of abusive households, spoilers for the HP series, mentions of death, and dumbledore slander. (duh)

🗡—————————————————————🗡

I have read the Harry Potter books around twenty times, along with dozens of fanfictions based off of the series. My friends and family have suffered through hour-long rants on subjects such as Snape being the worst character, racism in the writing, and how characters such as Fleur and Lavender are a projection of Rowling’s own internalized misogyny. (Warning: spoilers for the Harry Potter series below!)

The Harry Potter series by J.K Rowling is arguably one of the most well known book series in modern times. With over 500 million copies sold worldwide, these books have been read by millions of people. The story follows orphaned main character Harry Potter as he learns he is a wizard and has a mortal enemy that he will consequently face every book. Harry begins to study at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which is presided over by Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. Dumbledore was written to represent the Mentor character that is so commonly found in any Hero’s Journey type of story; however I do not believe Dumbledore deserves any praise. I believe that Albus Dumbledore was the true villain of Harry’s story.

Before I dive into the prompt, I would like to first clarify that this is actually not how Rowling had intended for her character to be interpreted. Although she has to be accredited with the fascinating world-building of her series, I don’t like to provide her with any unnecessary praise. Rowling has shown through her social media that she is transphobic, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and racist. Her judgment is incredibly flawed and therefore reflected in her work; Rowling truly believes that Dumbledore should be praised.

In the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, young Harry is sent to live with his non-magical Aunt and Uncle proceeding the murder of his parents. While standing on the end of the street and conversing with Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore says, “It’s the best place for him— His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he’s older. I’ve written them a letter.” (pg 14.) The Dursley’s were incredibly neglectful towards Harry, border lining on the edge of abuse. Harry often went days without meals and spent weeks locked inside the cupboard under the stairs. In Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, book number six, Dumbledore finally explains why he allowed a child to grow up in such horrible conditions. Since Lily Potter sacrificed herself to protect Harry, that protection would continue as long as he spent at least one day a year with her blood relatives. Dumbledore could have easily found a magical family to take Harry in, and have the boy visit his aunt and uncle once a year. It was completely unnecessary for him to be raised by them, yet Dumbledore simply did not care.

Throughout the series, Dumbledore manipulated nearly everyone around him in a variety of ways. One example of this was his relationship with Rubeus Hagrid. In the year 1945, the Chamber of Secrets was opened by Tom Riddle, (young Voldemort.) During a flashback scene, a suspicious Dumbledore has a conversation with Tom Riddle and asks, “Is there anything that you wish to tell me?” (pg. 245) regarding the Chamber. Dumbledore already knew that Riddle was the one to open in, yet he stood aside and did nothing when Hagrid was later blamed. Once Dumbledore was appointed as Headmaster of Hogwarts, he allowed Hagrid to become a gamekeeper for the school. Poor Hagrid views Dumbledore as his savior, which the old man uses to his advantage. Dumbledore was constantly having Hagrid risk his life and freedom by running errands for him. On page 59 of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Hagrid performs magic after Uncle Vernon insults Dumbledore. After his expulsion from Hogwarts, Hagrid was banned from doing magic. He is so blindly devoted to Dumbledore that he is willing to break laws to “defend his honor.” When the Chamber of Secrets is opened again in book two, Dumbledore stands aside and allows Hagrid to be taken to Azkaban, the wizard prison, even though he knows Hagrid could not have opened the Chamber.

Dumbledore is consistently described as a great and powerful wizard. Readers are meant to believe that there is nothing the man can not do. It is true that Dumbledore was extremely talented. We know this because of his part in defeating Grindelwald in the 1940’s, the various awards given to him by the Ministry, and him being appointed Headmaster of the school. Yet Dumbledore did very little to help defeat Voldemort, instead opting to use two generations of child soldiers. The Order of the Phoenix was an organization that he started in the 1970’s, which was made up of mostly 18-20 year old's that were fresh out of Hogwarts, Harry’s parents included. During the May 2nd 1998 Battle of Hogwarts, the majority of the fighters were teenagers. And where was Dumbledore? Well, he was conveniently dead by then, after plotting with Snape in the previous book to have him be “murdered.” Dumbledore was selfish and careless when he essentially raised Harry to be a sacrificial lamb, knowing that he was Voldemort’s 7th horcrux all along.

“Help will always be given at Hogwarts, Harry, to those who ask for it.” Dumbledore loves to emphasize how Hogwarts can essentially be a home and family for those who do not have one. That is, if they are in Gryffindor. Although Rowling paints members of Slytherin house to all be evil and conniving, that is not at all true. (Not that Rowling considers Snape to be the only redeemable Slytherin, which I completely disagree with.) Horace Slughorn and Regulus Black are examples of Slytherin characters who bravely fought against evil in their own special ways. In Regulus’ case, he sacrificed his life to further hide one of Voldemort’s horcruxes. Slughorn was able to put past his sense of pride and divulge vital information to Harry, even though it embarrassed him. But Dumbledore believes that being sorted into Slytherin House is like having the world EVIL branded across your forehead. When a young Tom Riddle was sorted into Slytherin, Dumbledore no longer made any attempts to help the boy. Much like Harry, he was a half-blooded orphan who had no idea of his heritage before coming to Hogwarts. Seeing as Harry was a Gryffindor, he was given extra favors and help from Dumbledore that prevented him from becoming evil, which was a very real possibility. Even after his time as a student at Hogwarts, Tom Riddle returned to the castle seeking out a job as a teacher. Dumbledore refused him the job, which would have been an excellent opportunity to keep Riddle in check and prevent him from becoming the monster that is Lord Voldemort. But Dumbledore turned him away, and is therefore responsible for the man he later became.

Although the Harry Potter series is marketed towards elementary school children, I have realized that as you mature, there is so much more that you will take away from the book series. Rowling’s intended themes are one of love, death, and friendship. Looking deeper, you realize that the story is essentially the story of two boys. By the neglect and manipulation of Dumbledore, one became the greatest villain, and the other the greatest hero.

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