#I laughed out loud cuz meme

[inf3ct3dd]

loser!ellie headcanons pt.6

summary: ellieeee my chiquitita my baby my love

warnings: none :3

authors note: ik yall missed herrrr

masterlist. help palestine.🇵🇸

- ellie tries to be soooo cool and wear her cool people jackets (leather jackets, canvas, those carhartt hoodie jackets etc) but they’re very not helpful against the cold and you’ll be out with her and shes just SHIVERING the whole time…

- she’s obsessed w those “general knowledge quizzes” on tiktok. that girl is a hoe for trivia she’s sitting on her bed at three in the morning saying her answers OUT LOUD while she watches them. she gets so upset when she gets literally any wrong… “man…im not a quiz master 🙁”

- ik in the games she walks around with her little journal and shit but i feel like shes definitely jus constantly typing shit in her notes app… random thoughts and jokes and shit that she most definitely shows you at the end of the day

- she barely ever baby talks to babies… she’ll go up to a baby and just be like “wassup dude” and have a full blown conversation with him while the babies just sitting there babbling and giggling at her

- thinks those “im nothing like yall” slideshows r so hilarious…. like you’ll be on the couch and she’s just giggling at her phone at paracetamol 😞

- references the most niche memes ever constantly and literally googles them to explain herself. you guys went camping and she said “boy you want hot dog” and you were like ????

- so strangely particular about how her stuff is arranged 😭 her desk looks like an absolute hot mess 90% of the time but SHE UNDERSTANDS IT and if u try and organize it for her she just puts it back how it was

- always says “guys” and “yall” when she’s talking to literally one person. and CHAT. she just constantly adds it into conversation like “chat how are you today”

- loves asking if things are “fire.” she’ll cook you something and you take a bite and shes like “is that shit fire???” she has to know

- obsessed with “i barely know her” jokes. the second someone says something ending in er shes like “rider??? i barely know her!!” and she’s laughing her ass off

- that girl will go HAM on some mac and cheese. but it can only be really good baked mac or the shitty kraft mac and cheese. she puts like- hella pepper and red chili flakes in it and eats it straight out of the pot 🔥 its always at like three in the morning and you just walk in the kitchen to her with a pot in her lap watching glee or some shit

- SPEAKING. OF. glee is most definitely one of her guilty pleasure shows…like shes rewatched it a million times and glee cast was one of her top artists on apple music wrapped

- shes an apple music user. send tweet.

- got yelled at by an old lady once cuz she picked her flowers out of her front yard and gave them to you

- when i tell you that girl goes ham on those tiny clementines… she’ll eat like 10 in one day and theres just PEELS. EVERYWHERE.

- also she fw grapes heavy. especially green grapes (shes a weird little freak red grapes are so much better)

- OBSESSED WITH THOSE BLIND BAG SHITS. especially mini brands oh my god she definitely has the whole lil grocery store set and she’s so obsessed with it.

- her house slippers are definitely just a pair of crocs with the fur inside and a bunch of stupid ass jibbits. she buys the mega packs off amazon and changes them whenever shes bored

- has SO MANY drafts on tiktok and they’re all her trying filters staring at the screen like 😯

- most annoying person to sleep next to ever . snoring, sleep talking, moving around CONSTANTLY and hitting you accidentally, the only way she sleeps peacefully is if you’re holding her or she’s holding you, otherwise shes insane

- weirdly into linguistics…that girl is using humongous words for no good reason just for fun and half the time she has no idea what they mean and when she googles them and shes right about the definition she does that little fist pump and “fuck yes”

- speaking of. that girl is SPEEDRUNNING DUOLINGO . she’s fluent in (bad spaniard) spanish from it, and just learns random languages for fun. you speak a different language? she’s learning it immediately. definitely leaves notes for you in random languages she learned and you have to pull out a translator to understand wtf shes talking about… she also sleep talks in spanish sometimes and its so funny

- loves trying out different recipes…like i said my girl is a CHEF she will be at home fucking up a salmon bake she made and making you homemade pho for dinner

- had a phase when she was younger when she was really into the la bamba movie and dressed like richie valens for two years

- also cried so hard when she watched selena with you…that girl was devastated 💔 every time she hears “dreaming of you” she almost sheds a tear

“when that yolanda bitch gets out of prison….im shooting someone . its obvious who its gonna be.”

- she definitely begged joel to buy her a gun for christmas and he would take her to the range all the time so she can SHOOT. that girl is goated at lazer tag she gets down…does not play

- thought that candy cigarettes were the coolest thing ever when she was little… everywhere she went she had one hanging out of the side of her mouth and shed hold them between her fingers like they do in movies. if you two go to a candy shop shes for sure buying a pack

#loser!ellie #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie x fem reader #ellie x you #ellie williams #ellie williams x you #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou

[sebscore]

Hey!

Heres my request for ur fem!driver series:

Y/N wins her first race and everyone is waiting for her national anthem to play but somehow an error in the sound system leads to this song playing:

But instead of being mad abt it, she’s ecstatic just absolutely vibes her lil heart out on the podium and soon she has the other drivers, some commentators and the entire crowd joining in w/ her (cuz she’s THAT GIRL🤩😂)

PLEASE RISE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

pairings: lewis hamilton x driver!reader / charles leclerc x driver!reader

warning: kinda changed how the podium ceremony normally goes, but it's nothing drastic, tbh. they already received their trophy and champagne.

author's note: thank you so much for the request, I started laughing when I read it, cause it reminded me of that one meme. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and lmk what you think of it 🫶

• • • • • • •

Y/N stood proudly on the top step of the podium, full in disbelief that this day had actually come. She had won an Formula 1 race, she had won a Grand Prix. The first woman in history to actually do that.

Charles and Lewis glanced up at her, delighted that they could witness the historical moment from this close. They always had the faith that she could do it one day, that she had the skills to overtake them and cross the checkered flag first.

The time had come for her national anthem to start playing. Her eyes welled up with tears, the patriotic feeling in her rising up and the knowledge she had done her country proud. Y/N had prepared herself and had put tissues in the pockets of her racing suit, knowing she was probably gonna end up sobbing by the time the song had finished.

Only, that moment didn't happen.

There had been a mistake in the sound system and instead of the beautiful harmonies of an orchestra being heard, the opening beats of the hip hop song 'Get Low' by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz were being played.

It had taken Y/N a few seconds to comprehend what was happening, the frown on her face evident that she was confused. Similar expressions of confusion and shock were found on Lewis, Charles and everyone else's faces.

Y/N briefly glanced at the staff on the side of the podium and the audience anticipated what she would do. The young woman could give one of two reactions. The first reaction would be for her to stay serious and be upset about the fact that her national anthem wasn't being played. Or, she could go along with the situation, and start dancing to the song to make it fun for everyone witnessing the moment.

Obviously, she went for the second option.

It started with the bobbing of her head to the loud beats that were coming out of the speakers, wiping away the tears that had escaped earlier with her hands. Then, she began to mouth the lyrics and the sight only became funnier from there on.

The song wasn't even halfway done or the podium ceremony had become a concert with the female driver as the headlining act. At first, Lewis and Charles had covered their faces in embarrassment, not for the young woman, but simply for the entire situation. Yet, once they saw the crowd getting hyped up, they joined her and started jumping up and down.

Upon seeing their still unopened champagne bottles standing lonely on the podium, Y/N started the fire and began shaking it. As soon as her two colleagues noticed what she was doing, they picked up their own respective bottles and started doing the same.

Eventually, the song ended and the podium ceremony was over, to everyone's dismay. The drivers picked up their trophies and made their way down the grid again for the short post-podium interview.

Y/N had been the first one to come downstairs and Coulthard grabbed that oppurtunity to interview the young woman first.

''Y/N, what's going through your head right now?'' He asked, handing a microphone to her.

Her hand went through her hair, thinking of the right words to say. ''Pff, I don't know, David,'' her voice sounded out of breath, ''I'm still processing what just happened.'' She nervously laughed, public speaking not being her favorite thing to do.

''I think we're all still processing what just happened,'' Coulthard laughed along, ''what went wrong there on the podium?''

She shook her head, looking back at said podium behind her. ''Geez, uh, I think there was a mistake or something with the cd and, uh, yeah, my national anthem started playing.''

Coulthard started a new question, wanting to change the subject, but was interrupted. ''You know, David- I'm very proud of my country, Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz, I know I've made my people proud.'' She joked, making the audience laugh as they listened to the interview.

''That's great, Y/N,'' Coulthard awkwardly replied, just wanting to continue to ask his questions, ''So, about the race…''

''Yes, the race.''

''Talk us through it, how did you feel it was going?''

Y/N nodded her head to David's words. ''The race, uh, the race, it went, uh- listen, I've gotta be honest- I don't remember a thing, but I'm gonna assume I did really well, you know, cause I won.'' She rambled on, genuinely having forgotten all about the competition that had happened earlier.

Lewis, who was standing a few feet away from her, loudly cackled at her answer and his laugh was picked up by the microphone.

''Alright, Y/N, thank you so much and congratulations.'' He padded her shoulder, rounding up the interview.

''I'm so sorry, David.''

#f1 fic #f1 x reader #f1 fics #formula 1 fic #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #f1 x oc #charles leclerc x oc #charles leclerc x reader

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

Saw this meme and iiiiii did a thing... a steddie thing... obviously

( Eddie has a small dick in this if you don't like it don't read it. We support small dick supremacy in this house thank you for your time. 😊 )

😅😅😅

I'm picturing them at a bar. I wanna say maybe Steve is the bar tender, and he's been seeing Eddie around. He comes in. Talks a little, he's kinda quiet. Like he's stuck in his head, like he comes there to think. He's always scribbling things on napkins. Steve thinks they might be song lyrics, the way Eddie hums and taps his fingers as he writes.

But Steve obviously sees him looking at him sometimes. It's a gay bar, it happens, but Eddie doesn't leer at him, or chat him up in that way. It's always just friendly conversation.

Steve kind of loves it. Loves being able to just chat and not worry about getting stalked out to his car by a creep. And then one day some drunk dude is hitting on Eddie HARD. Leaning into him and grabbing at his arm and just when Steve is about to say something the guy actually says the words,

"how big is that dick?" Like... in real life. Out loud. And grabs for Eddie's thigh, and Steve watches Eddie catch his wrist, easy, watches him shove the guys hand back at him, saying,

"small. Leave me alone." Without even looking at him. And Steve fucking barks a laugh because that was... fucking hilarious. But also... kinda hot. Like, he's known he likes Eddie for awhile but seeing someone come on to him had sealed the deal, jealousy crawling over his skin, but then seeing Eddie shut it down, in the funniest fucking way Steve had ever seen, had just slammed it into place.

The guy scowls, says something rude, and stalks off. But Eddie is looking at Steve cuz he's still chuckling. Doing that cough thing like he's trying to cover it up but the laugh is still extremely prominent through the coughing. And Eddie watches him with raised eyebrows cuz like... damn okay. Cute bar tender thinks he's funny. And Steve is like,

"Sorry man. That was just, fuckin hilarious. Not the guy grabbing you, obviously, just, how you delt with it. Like that was... the best thing I've seen in awhile. Just... just sayin." He shakes his head to stop himself rambling more, he needs more friends to hangout with besides Robin, she's rubbing off on him. So he just reaches into the cooler and grabs Eddie his usual beer, slides it over the bartop to him, tells him it's on the house.

"Thanks." Is all Eddie says, but he looks happy, small smile still on his face.

And when the bar's closing, and Eddie is still there, just idly talking to Steve all night. Steve takes a chance. Says some cheesey line about letting Eddie walk him home. And Eddie flushes red to his ears but nods, takes the last sip of his beer and helps Steve flip the chairs onto the tables so he can do a quick sweep. Steve's locking the door when he hears Eddie clear his throat awkwardly, like he wants to say something. Steve looks at him, waits.

"I uh... look I know you thought I was being funny... earlier." Eddie scratches his head, nods into the bar. Steve nods, lets him continue.

"But I uh- I was also being serious?" He grimaces, eyes on the ground.

"So if that's like... a deal breaker? That's- that's totally okay. I just uh... I dont know. Thought I should maybe warn you before- before anything...happens?" His eyes widen and he takes a step back.

"Not that anything was gonna happen! Like I wasn't expecting... THAT. I just... oh my god I don't know. People can be assholes about small dicks so I just wanted to be up-front about it in case you thought I was kidding when I told that guy that. Cuz I was being serious and I'm gonna stop talking. Jesus christ." He breathes the last part, shaking his head at himself, his face twisted in what looks like pain. Steve thinks he's fucking adorable.

He steps closer, puts his hands on Eddie's hips and pushes him gently against the brickwall of the bar. Rests his head against Eddie's as he laughs a little, Steve's fingers pressing into his hips tickling a bit.

"I don't care. Honestly I uh..." he pauses, pulls back to look at Eddie, his eyes are wide, his cheeks are a deep pink now.

"I was kinda hopin you weren't kidding." Steve tilts his head, smirks at Eddie, just a little. A light smirk. Not the full thing, doesn't wanna overwhelme him. Yet. Eddie sucks in air, blinks at him.

"Oh. Yeah?" He asks, his voice breathy, pitched higher than usual. Steve nods, sinks his teeth into his lip, and brushes his nose against Eddie's.

"Yeah. Still wanna walk me home?" Steve asks, staying close. Eddie nods, his hands moving to Steve's shoulders.

"Yeah. Yes absolutely. I'd love that. I'd love too." He rambles, swallowing hard.

And Steve can't help himself anymore, ducks forward and presses a soft kiss to his lips. Eddie makes a little sound in his throat and Steve fucking adores it. Already in so deep for this guy. But it's been months. Eddie's not a new thing in his life. Just, this part of it is new.

Eddie blinks at him when he pulls back, steps away from Eddie but holds out his hand. Eddie smiles, reaches out and takes it, lets Steve drag him away from the wall and down the sidewalk. Their fingers laced together, hands swaying between them as they walk through the dark.

#steddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #steve x eddie #eddie munson has a small dick #and steve fucking loves it i cant hear you over their love #my writing #mine #Fates Endless Inkwell #fei #steddie blurb #steddie ficlet

[dietmountaindewbae]

hiii i LOVE ur fics omg pls never stop writing,

could you maybe do something You-ish (the TV show "You") (idk if you've seen it but it's amazing) something stalker-ish? where alex is joe and reader is his, soon to be, gf (cuz he makes her) (any alex era) 💌

hope ur well🤍💋

xxiii. obsession

alex turner x reader

word count: 12626

summary: We ran into each other by chance or by fate, your clumsiness started something for me, something for us, and it's my duty to find out who you are. (the car! era) This story is written on Alex's narrative.

warnings: obsessions & rough s*x

song recommendation: tear you apart by she wants revenge

───── ୨୧ ─────

Ever since that day outside of a party, when you fell into my arms, drunk and loud, I had never felt so high, I had felt something the moment you smiled at me and flushed from the embarrassment, your eyes watery from the cold, your lips red full of blood, alcohol running fast through your veins, my heart falling from my mouth, you pulled away and hugged yourself, too embarrassed from what had happened, you thought it was too much booze, I thought it was meant to be, right place and right time. You just said "Sorry," I helped you to get back on your feet, our hands lightly graze and we lock in a stare, but then your mates dragged you across the street, they had dragged you away from me, like parents and their out-of-control kid, you waved goodbye at me, and all I could do was smile and wave goodbye to you, I was a fool, I didn't know what to say, it was one of those 'what would have happened?' moments when I ask myself, 'what if I had just said "It's ok, don't worry, love"' Icould vividly picture us walking down the street, going for some food because we were pissed, I would've kissed you, and asked for your number, then we could be dating, holding hands in the street, laughing at everything, hanging out with your stupid mates, if they hadn't been there and taken you away from me, I probably wouldn't have found meself, hiding behind the threes in the middle of a cold winter in LA, hoping to be in the warmth of your arms than out in the cold darkness of the street. I can't help to wonder if you ever think of me.

Your name and your last name stayed in a constant loop on my mind, one of your mates, the one with the light brown hair had screamed it as she found you falling into my arms, it would be stupid if I didn't look for you, right? You're gorgeous, you were nice and interesting, It would be weird if I didn't try to find your social media. It was easy to find you, I hate to admit how easy it is to find everything online these days, I found your Instagram and Facebook with just a few clicks on my computer, it's too easy it makes me laugh.

I scrolled through every single one of your posts on Facebook, you had a few, not many, everything was mainly about your little family trips and your sister's child, I made a note that you might just have Facebook out of pressure from your mother and sister since they always tag you in memes or those annoying TED Talk videos and you never answer, I found your mother's page, widowed, 49 years old, looks 45, she gave you her face, older sister, found her page too, married with a toddler, awfully bitter since she has to post where she is at all times, even if her child had taken a massive shit and had the looks of a giant worm, she would've posted it, I left the best for last. Your Instagram, no one these days uses Facebook.

Your Instagram was private but empty with not a single sight of you... so it's no use, what about your friends?... Hello you... I could hold on to these group pictures Larissa posted, thank you internet! Your friend group was small but they knew how to get around, only 4 people, two girls called Julie and Larissa, and Julie's boyfriend Luca, 5 if you counted me in, soon, luckily for me, Julie had an empty page, barely any pictures, just her and Luca but her profile was public but that lead me to find your other friend, Larissa had pictures of her face and some of you and Julie at pubs, very self-centered I suppose, Luca only posted about being a gym addict. I took a more personal approach, your sister Nina, who loves you very much, she had plenty of pictures of you. Thanksgiving was at your house, you looked gorgeous in those pictures, you wore a white dress with red flowers and black platforms, your long hair in beautiful waves, if any pervert were to see it, you would be such an easy victim with that long hair, but you're not, you're not so easy to hunt down in the dark. There was a picture of you and your sister's baby boy, sitting next to the three by a bay window, great. I took note of the stores, houses, and historical buildings nearby and then reality hit me as I took a cab on the way to your house.

Come on Alex, what are you doing? You look like a creep with your cap and coat in the middle of the night, It's only just a crush it'll go away, just like all the others. But you see? That's the problem with you, you're not, this is dangerous but I'll take my chances for you, I'm not obsessed with you, like I said, it's only just a crush. I hide behind some trees in front of your house on the other side of the street, and I contemplate this wonderful girl in her bedroom, going round and round with a book in her hands. 

At night me head couldn't stop spinning, making all of these scenarios, about a girl who meets a stranger, and they fall madly in love in just a split second. I didn't need more, I could hold on to your light vanilla perfume and the softness of your hair, your lips, your collarbone, your shoulder, the curve of your breasts in the blouse you wore that night, I want to hold you close and kiss you hard.

For next few days I followed you around, I made you a time table, every morning at 5:30 you went for a run, and you finished off at home some with exercises you found on YouTube, you were visibly struggling, and that made me laugh but I felt bad for doing so, you worked hard, you finished around 6:30, you liked walking like a true new yorker, in your most sober looks, sometimes in a dress with a blue navy sweater on top of dresses , jeans, and a silky shirt, winter or no winter, you loved wearing tank tops, loved exposing even just a little bit of your body, even in the coldest days, your legs, your beautiful shoulders, a v-neck, mini skirts, checkered shorts or pants, and sexy patterned tights with colors like pastel blue, and even red to spice up your all black outfits, and you always wore that luscious and berry coloured lipstick on your lips, heels, motorcycle boots, ballerina flats, dresses, chunky sweaters, straight leg vintage jeans, coats, heels, shoulder bags, mini bags, but what a must was, something that never came off of you, your golden necklace, you're an everything girl, you dressed for the day, it told you exactly what to wear, even if you broke your pattern, you mostly dressed like Jane Birkin, jeans, white shirt, chunky purse, but you love leather, leather belts, leather jackets. Then you walk to your favorite café, and your drink depends on how tired you feel, black coffee for busy days or cappuccinos for the days you don't feel in a rush, then you take the metro, read a book and sip on your coffee while listening to your music, you are in college by 7:30, have 30 minutes to spare, but you're wise, and you use them organize yourself while you ease up with some music, I've never seen a longer playlist to be honest, there's a bit of everything there, you write your things in a red wine journal, I wonder what's in those little pink notes you stick on your notebook.

I made sure you got safely to your workplace after school at 4:00 pm, a bakery, you love talking to the people at the register as they ask you for your favorite dessert, and you always choose the same, tiramisu, rich coffee with some liquor, mascarpone carefully enveloped with delicious whipping cream, and a touch of cocoa sifted all over the tiramisu, and you juggle back and forward with doing school work, help in the kitchen, serve the costumers with a bright and friendly smile, you're tired and they don't pay you enough. And when you get home a 10 pm, you don't go to sleep, you stay up until you're finished but you never truly are, no matter how late or early, you can't sleep, why is that beautiful? Aren't your sheets made of the softest cotton? But I can see, that you are compromised to live in a city that never sleeps, you get ready for your next job at your nearest live jazz pub as a bartender, I'm very familiar with that type of job, you serve the customers with a kind smile as the music rocks you, you talk to other girls, and the artists flirt with you from time to time but you didn't submit, you knew better than that, you got paid well, the tips that fell on your back pocket from the nasty old men helped you to afford your apartment, barely making it to the next cut but you made it.

And every restless night when your mind couldn't stop thinking you went out to the nearest pub, and you made new friends, some men flirted with you until sadly, one night I had to watch you leave with one of them, he conquered your body before me, I wonder if you ever think of me in that way, a sexy stranger, that clouded your mind with ideas until you finally gave in. He did what he wanted to do, and when he left, you were still flushed and needy, that night I watched you hump your pillow with angst to get yourself off, a gorgeous picture to see, one that was engraved in my brain since then.

Every night when I crashed in my bed, and I prayed for this to go away but it continued to grow, I prayed for you to get out of me head, but your face, your smile, every curve of your body lived in me head, and if I don't something about it, you'll hunt me down forever. 

I walked down the street on a Saturday night, It's been a week since we bumped into each other, discreetly searching for you with my eyes, until, I found you, in your West Village, street-level, white, vintage but modern apartment that might be hard for you to afford but you keep on paying it because the creepy landlord has a massive crush on you, he cannot fool me, I know what it's like.

You live in such a melancholic part of New York and also warm, old, and historic, it holds so many stories, and memories that's why it reminds you of home, like the baby pictures your mom posts, your living area illuminated with yellow lights from you mid-century lamps, like the sky in a beautiful afternoon, laying in your sette in a white tank top and panties, finally, you get to relax and enjoy yourself.

I could see the outline of your body through your thin linen white curtains, you were wearing vintage headphones connected to your record player, reading a book, Bukowski's 'Love Is A Dog From Hell' Yes, it must certainly is. Then suddenly you stood up, I'm certain you're barefoot, through a crack in the curtain I can see you're approaching the window, I could see the left side of your face, soft, round, cute little pointy nose, and your eyes, a sparkle in them as you stare into the sky, pink pouty lips, and a little beauty spot in your cheek, your phone in the ear, moving your lips with a smile as if you were talking to the person in the other line in real life. You nodded a couple of times and then you hung up, I saw the outline of your body, running towards your bedroom, what's got you in such a hurry? But before you forget, you turn up the music so loud the whole neighborhood can hear it, you choose something classic 'Bang Bang' by Nancy Sinatra, shoot me down, your linen curtain reflecting the light, and you take out your top in one move tossing it away, the outline of your naked beautiful body stretching had made me think so many things to do with it in less than a second, you pick your clothes with care, hanging them in front of your mirror, posing with the clothes on top of your body.

You sit somewhere in your room, and I can hardly see you, something about your magnetism draws me to you, so I stupidly cross the street and find shelter behind a three, but I get even more stupid as I get to see you doing your makeup in the mirror, your phone rings and your face goes blank, you answer and I see how your expressions change like the way flowers rot, gradually you get darker and darker, until... you break into tears putting an end to the call, and you push your phone away, you look into the mirror, and I see a tear roll down your cheek slowly, your face scrunched, and your cheeks reddened, you look at yourself in the mirror, all I can see is hate and rage, and then, you're cold as ice, not another tear rolls down your cheeks, you clean them up with a soft cotton pad and continue to apply makeup on your face, I wonder who has made you cry? even if it was just one small insignificant tear, whoever that was...they still made you cry.

Before you leave, you check yourself one last time, the dress you choose to wear was way better than the typical night outfits women wear these days, less ostentatious, you like dressing feminine, classic but modern, but not so pretty that you look like a little girl, you were more than pretty, you were hot, steaming, boiling, no man would approach you like that, and that was the sad truth for you but good news for both of us, not as any man would approach you, they had to have big balls to do so, baby doll dress, platforms, and a racer jacket, cute, stylish, edge, as always, you were sharp as a blade to the skin. Your hair is straight and it looks longer than when it's on your natural waves, and the wind blows perfectly on it, but that velvet red lipstick on your mouth might be the death of me.

You went outside, took a cab, and went out, I waved my arm, and soon enough a cab passed by.

"Where to?" The man said.

"Follow that cab in front of you," He took off, it was sad, drivers these days don't even care for men like this, the ones that just order to do something like that, there were a lot of crazy people here, and I had to protect you from them.

I see you being dropped off at a crowded pub, I hand a good amount of money to the man, and he drives off, I see you go inside, and you find your mates, I sit across from you, not too close so that you can see me but, but not so far so I don't hear you. You hug each one of them and you sit in the booth next to Julie.

"What's the occasion?" You said, next thing, Julie turns and shows a sparkling diamond on her finger, "Luke, Luke, Luke!" You teased her in awe, you held her hand carefully, examining it up close to the ring, "It's stunning" You said with a kind smile, it was amazing how I wished to be that hand, the one you caressed with care.

"I wanna do something big for the bachelorette, and I don't know where to start, I mean..." It must be hard for you, everyone around you is married or has a serious more than the 2-year relationship you can't hold on to, everyone has a kid now, everyone turns 27 and suddenly they already have a house, a child, and a loving husband, I wouldn't be like that ever, things won't be like that with me, I promise, we can take it as slow and calm as you want, or maybe go fast, I can go both ways, I just have to wait for the moment I may finally introduce myself to you, maybe by tomorrow when you go out but it must be soon before you forget about that last Saturday night, and it looks like you are in the process of, you are emptying those glasses of wine like coke in a hot summer day.

"Ease up with the wine," Larissa says, "You're gonna end up embarrassing yourself like the last time, you always have to pull a seen," Here we go.

"What fuckin' scene?" You spit back, "I was tired and I had been wearing high heels for more than 2 hours, yes, I was drunk but it was a genuine accident" You were annoyed, why could no one understand that? Accidents happen, and it must be hard for you to stand that pain, if I had stayed over, I would've given you a lovely massage, and treated you the way you're supposed to, I'm starting to be not very fond of Larissa.

"Uhu, yeah, but do you remember the last time you went to that party and got so drunk you "accidentally" confused a cigarette with marihuana and cried in the street like a baby?" Larissa, you just had to make it worse, didn't you?

"Fuck off, I can do whatever the fuck I want, if you don't want to believe me that's fine, oh!... and a scene, Larissa, a scene is what you pull when you yell at everyone as if you were the fucking owner of everything and everyone" You took your purse and rushed out, I see that Julie went out to get you, so I discreetly follow her, and find you waving your arm for a cab.

"Wait, don't go," Julie says with a caring tone, "I know you're not ok, you can't lie to me, you know how Lari is..."

"But why does she have to be a fuckin' news flasher of everything I do, embarrassing me in front of everyone, making me look like I'm not fun to be around," Julie tried to hug you but you wouldn't let her near.

"You say some scary shit while you're drunk, that's the only thing I'm going to agree on, but I can see you're not ok," Intuitive, honest, and kind, good choice for a friend.

"He called me" Julie sighs, who is he? This is the prize of being old fashioned, just like me, that's another thing I like about you, you have a life, even if you spend time alone, you go out in the world instead of taking a picture of it and expose your life, you have a little life, but it's yours and only yours.

"What did he want?" You shrugged and searched for something in your leather purse, taking a cigarette, and desperately flicking the lighter on.

"He just asked how I was, while he's off... modeling and possibly fucking two to three girls every single night, and he asks me how I am, drunk and high, he's so... he's-" To find the right words to describe that wanker only made me think about the damage he must have done to you, come on, spill the name, "That's not really everything, he's just-"

"Part of everything" Julie answered back, hugging you close to her, a caring hug, sweet, I could take a picture of it, I'm glad there is Julie for you, "Go home, and text me when you get there," She holds her arm up, taking a cab for you and sending you back home, I did the same thing as before, and the man did as he was told. But the problem was, you didn't go home, you went to a nearby liquor store and bought more wine for yourself, you drank it straight from the bag and you plugged in your wired earphones to your phone, kicking your feet and humming to the music 'New Dawn Fades' by Joy Division, a sad post-punk classic, you should be glad I am here to be on the look for you as you waddle in the steers, an easy target, if anyone dared to do anything to you, well, you must be glad there is me.

You walked a few blocks to your house, but you didn't go in, you couldn't hold yourself up anymore, so you sat by the staircase, defeated since you were desperately looking for your keys in your little purse, and you stared into the empty dark street, and you cried, you kept crying so hard it makes me feel the need to go and help you, I didn't really think about what I was doing, you were desperate, and I was afraid of letting you stay outside like that, then you stood up, unpredictable as always, I see you taking a fast pace. What are you thinking about? Did you forget something? You walk a few blocks until you stay still on a crowded street, the cars on that street go by faster, and you stare into the void as the red lights flash before you in straight lines, your cheeks stained with black tears, the darkness takes you in like one of their children, your head wrapped up in horrible ideas, so dark they blind your eyes, so atrocious your mind can only find one way to make you see the light at the end, you can't find peace, your body is tired, your eyebags are heavy, and you don't feel like yourself, you've lost control and you murmur something over and over again under your breath like some sort of sick prayer...

"A loaded gun won't set you free"

I see you take a step forward, now standing on the pavement, my heart drops to my stomach, and I run to get you, the wind blowing my cap away, what are you doing? why are you doing this? I can fix it, I can fix you, I can help you, I'll make it all disappear, before you take another step, the bus coming your way was out to get you, and you closed your eyes, but I won't let you go like that, my hand grasps your shoulder tightly, and I pull you to my arms, you're cold, shivering, your wired earphones fall from your head and get tangled in your hair.

"Are you alright?" Your face is wet with tears, and you look at me with big eyes, flushed again from the embarrassment, but that sparkle, that little fucking sparkle just makes me so mad, I'd kill for you to see me like that over and over, your little nose red, your eyelids a bit puffy.

You quickly wipe your tears, "Erm..." You sniffed, and you stared into my face with a cute and educated smile, "No... I mean, yes... sorry, I'm just... I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry," You scan my face, the familiarity of it makes a grin spread on your lips, "If I sound like a creep please stop me, but, I think I know you" Your lips curl into a bigger smile, as you realize who I am, I am that man, I am the man who will always be there for you, "You're that guy I fell into the other day" I pretend as if am amazed over who small the world is.

"Hey you," You said to me with a smile.

"Hello you" We both look to our feet, and I feel some warmth creeping up me cheeks, "We gotta stop meetin' like this" I see you flush, looking at me through your lashes, you slowly bite your bottom lip as you brush your hair out of the way, flirty. You struggle to untangle your earphones from your hair, I take a step forward and gently untangle them.

"You just had to come and rescue me again huh? Who are you? Superman?" I hear your voice, and your laughter like a melody I would love to hear over and over again, gentle, a little deep, but beautiful, I can see that behind all of that dark makeup and those dark looks, you're a sweet but lost little girl.

"I'm Batman" You're laughing and blushing at my jokes, that means that you like me.

"I like your accent batman" That's nice to hear, some people say that it sounds too rough and I sound like a scumbag, but I'm glad your ears enjoy the sound of it.

"Thanks, love" You take a step forward, your eyes looking at mine and then at my lips, it's hard to breathe right now.

"What are you doin' so late, huh? Are you wearing your costume?" You tease me, and we begin to walk together, to nowhere, just where we want this conversation to take us.

"Sort of, and you?" You shrugged, what a hard night you had. I'm worried about you, you didn't need to apologize for "not thinking", we kept walking until the smell of food dilated our nose trails.

"Just went for some drinks with a couple of friends nothing too exciting... do you mind if we stop for some food?" My fantasies had become real, you wanted to get some street pizza, the nice old man smiling at you tenderly, he's nice, not creepy, just a nice man, you ask for two slices of pepperoni with Italian sausage and the man is nice enough to give you the most fresh and warm slices of pizza, "Here, it's on me... it's the least I can do"

"Thank you" You chuckled and waved it off, gosh I wish I could just freeze this moment forever.

"I should be thanking you..." You wait to hear my name, and I stay silent contemplating this moment for a second, this is how it starts.

"Alex" You shake hands with me as your tongue, teeth, and lips articulate your name, you have a lovely name, and I'm crazy about you, "Charmed" I hold my gaze at you as you slowly let go of me hand.

"So, what were your plans for the night before I had completely crashed them" Funny, dark jokes, sarcasm, you're really smart but you don't like showing it off, you make me laugh so much, it's clear we have the same humor, that's another reason as to why you're perfect for me and I am for you.

"Um... I thought about going out somewhere, anywhere, sometimes I can't sleep... I'm afraid of losing life by being a slave of me work, me house, everythin' but I found something exciting" You smile to yourself, and you smile at me, you see? We're perfect.

"I do that sometimes... whenever I can't sleep, I go to a bar and you know... try to meet new people, I hate having to post about it on social media though, everyone has their screens glued to their faces, and I just don't like that, I don't wanna breathe my phone, I wanna breathe air" If I were you I would write a whole book about this, I love that you think just like that, we can be people for once, and run around the world and make it ours, "What do you do for a living?"

"Music producer" You smiled at me, "And I have the gift of guessing people's favorite artists,"

"Really? What are mine's?" I have the chance to look at you confidently, I see you like that, I can see how fast your heart is going, how you try to calm it with your breathing, your chest rising and falling fast, as I stare into your eyes intensely making little goosebumps crawl like spiders, I hope you know how much I like you.

"Nancy, Lana... and summat dark like Joy Division Unknown Pleasures" You clap and you're amazed at how exact I am, I can smell it on you.

"Exactly, I love them," You began to hum their songs, dancing on the street, I follow your lead, as you spin, "I was listening to it a few moments ago" You turn dark again, I'm not going to let you, I immediately regret ever saying that, I don't know what that bloody song did to you, but you were listening to it before you attempted to get crashed.

"I'm glad I was there" Sweeten up, tell me what's wrong, I'm here for you.

"Yeah... me too, I wasn't thinking straight..." You clean your throat, you cross your arms, and furrow you're eyebrows, it makes you angry to say it, makes you sad, makes you frustrated, and even so since you watch me patiently waiting for you to tell me what happened to you, I didn't have to say it, you already knew "I don't think you would like to hear about my problems Alex, they're meaningless"

"Nothin' is meaningless just like us meeting tonight perhaps..." Shite, I take it back, I can see your face looking at me weirdly, but you smiled, you're fascinated? Did you like that?

"You're right," You warm up to me, I can see it in your body, I can see it in your face, I've given you no reason to not trust me, I'm harmless, I told you you can trust me, "But I want a ciggy, if you don't mind" You lean against a brick wall, your leg supporting your weight, I'm in love with your smooth and shiny legs, what's your secret?

"Mind if I steal one?" You say no with your head, you check your box again, and you curse in your head. The box has only one cigarette left.

"Sharing it is" You light your cigarette with your pink lighter, I can see some cute puppy stickers on it, you inhale the thick white smoke and exhale it, your whole body relaxing, feeling lighter, you feel calm, and you hand it to me, holding it between your index and your middle, you have a vintage silver rose ring in your middle, cracked red nail polish, and the cigarette butt was stained with your gorgeous red lipstick, I take it in between my lips, your lipstick tastes sweet like marshmallows, I savor it, Jesus, I hope I can taste your pretty lips soon.

"Talk to me," You sigh, and your mouth articulates each phrase, your voice tired and sad, I hear every detail of your story with care, a girl that can't control her alcohol, one that just wants to have fun, one that makes stupid mistakes but learns, I see beauty not only out but inside you, in your mistakes, in your intentions, in your life, you only got one, and you've made noble mistakes, I can see you're a whole woman, a hot and determined woman, but you have no road clear enough, no road to pick, you're chasing something you don't even know what it is.

"So now, I'm just trying to see what happens, I'm getting my degree soon, and then I'll keep working, maybe I'll start something on my own" Maybe if you don't love your work, at least you can come home back to me, I'll cook dinner, I'll wash your clothes, I'll set the table, I'll prep you a warm bath, I'll shower you, you won't move a single finger when you come home to me, "How's working as a music producer?"

"Oh, well, it's great... sometimes we have our differences but most of the time I just do what people tell me to do, in secret I make their music better, sometimes they don't notice and they just brag about how amazing was their idea" Your cigarette burns away into my fingers, I set it off into the wall and discreetly put it inside my pocket, you change the direction, we're going back, you're shamelessly eying me up and down, I swear if you don't stop...

"What are your favorite bands?" You're changing the subject, I don't like that, I don't like that you don't want to talk about what you've told me, but I keep you interested.

"Well... an old-time favorite is The Strokes" I answer firmly, you take out from your purse your earphones, plug them into your phone, and press play on the music as we walk together sharing your music, 'Call It Fate Call It Karma' on full volume.

"Might be basic for you, but I don't see a better song for this moment" You turn to face me, and we stop in the dark corner of the sidewalk, your eyes greedy and precious, that bloody spark in your dark eyes excites me, it's all in your eyes, I can see it clearly, I can see what you want from me, you blink slowly and wait for me to make the next move, and I don't doubt for a second, I close the space between us, and very gently press the palm of my hand to your warm cheek, it's warm and pink, staring into your eyes like stars in the black sky, kissing your lips, sweet as burned marshmallows in a bonfire night, you kiss me so softly at first, but you make that animal inside me come alive, I'm a man, I'm an animal, and I kiss your tender lips hungrily, I didn't expect for you to answer back with the same hunger, you feed me with your kiss, and your breath tastes like ecstasy, I'm a junkie, sweet sweet nicotine, I'm a chain smoker, "Take me home, Alex..."

"I'll take you anywhere you tell me, sweetheart" You grab my hand, fingers intertwined, and I feel 15 again, my palms are sweaty, my sweat is cold, and I feel so warm in my clothes, I can't wait to take them off, the anticipation getting the best of me, you make my dreams come true, and I'm so happy the world had chosen you to fall into my arms. I'm your protector, a guardian angel.

On the way home, we sneak to share some angsty kisses three or more times, you're getting me worked up, letting me touch you, grasping your hips, biting my lip, kissing my cheek, moaning my name into my lips, you're making my head spin. We walk up the stairs together, opening the door to your shelter, you have a lovely house, so clean that some things are allowed to be misplaced, it's big because you don't like having so many things out, your bed is on the other side of the wall were you living area is, the vague familiarity of it makes me feel like I'm imagining it all.

"This my girl cave, my crib" You joke, I take pictures of it in my head from bottom to top, every single inch, every place I imagine us being in, watching tele, cooking together, making a mess of the kitchen of course, dancing, fucking, scratching your wooden countertop, "What do you think?"

"It's-" We both get freaked out by the knocks at your door, some dickhead calling out your name, begging you to open the door, you roll your eyes, you know exactly who he is.

You swing open the door, cross your arms, and stand your ground, marking that he's not welcome here, you're strong, you're determined, go you! Show some teeth, "I don't wanna hear another one of your crazy fucking stories, tell them to your mother, Cameron" You were about to shut the door in his face but he stops it with his foot, that must've hurt Cameron, that's your ex isn't he? The one who made you cry, "Leave" You spit.

"I won't, you can't possibly ask for something like that... you and I know there's no one better than me, no better match than us" You stay silent, why are you thinking? why are you second-guessing? He takes a step forward, he's getting closer, you're face is a frown, you don't want him to touch you even though he keeps trying.

"I don't want you here, you must leave now Cameron, I want you out" He turns into hysteric laughter, he thinks you're crazy, he thinks you've lost your mind, well big shot, you're not it, Cameron only wants to hurt you with his words, he wants to make the most damage, he gets off at this, making you his only real standard, but Cameron will never treat you like you must be treated.

"Don't talk me to like that" I take his aggressiveness as a sign to take a step in, who the fuck does this wanker think he is to talk to you like that? You see that's a real scumbag, and I'll be his worst nightmare.

"Like what?" I come up from the back, cocky, sounding like a total prick, and I can see that you love it, when I sound like this, dominant, confident, "She's telling you to go, I'm telling you to fuck off. Now" I slam my voice at him, there are scary people in this world, there are men like Cameron, he has an intense gaze, but he wouldn't ever pick up a fight for anyone, yes... not even you, he's too vain, a narcissist, he is all bark but no bite, and then there are the men who would move mountains for their loved ones, he steps away, and I shut the door close, I can feel you shivering beneath my skin.

You stare at me, and I drag you in closer, that's what you like... you liked to be treated rough, you like being needed, I push your hips against mine, I can see it in your face, you've felt it, you've felt how hard my cock is, and it's hurting so fucking bad now, I can't wait for another second, I can't wait to take you to bed, you jump on me, wrapping your gorgeous soft legs on me, I decide to leave the first reminder of me on your kitchen table, laying your body on top of the cold wooden countertop for the first reminder of me and the things I'm about to do to you, my knuckles pull down your panties, ripping them off from your skin, your pussy glistening, bathed in your wetness, I can smell your flesh from the distance, like a predator and their victim, I'm a lion, "I'm gonna fuckin' tear you apart"

"Fuuuckin' please" You moan so loudly I bet it could be heard from across the street, and your voice shivers, I've barely even touched you yet, and you're already so wet for me, what are you thinking about? what's in your mind? I wish I could crack your skull open.

I lower myself in between your legs, I've been so busy admiring your body, the scent of the almond oil you rub on your smooth legs, I bet that you shaved them today, and I wonder what else have you shaved, your dress rides to your hips as you contortion under my touch, Jesus, you're desperate for it, but no, I want to enjoy you.

"Calm the fuck down, lay still and close your eyes" I order, and you stiffen up, staying quiet, and still, "Atta girl", I can finally see what's in between your gorgeous long legs, a pink and small pussy, Jesus, I bet you're so fucking tight by the looks of it, my ring and middle finger begin their assault, pressing down vertically against your clit, you hum and your hips writhe against me fingers, slowly, pushing them, you like that, rubbing yourself against them, and when I see you through the glass I lose my mind, I see how me fingers get coated and damped in your wetness, and I love watching you get so worked up by that, I can feel me cock just getting harder by the second, it's hurting and it's a pulsing pain, but I bare with it just for you, because now I'm going to show you how exactly you're supposed to get fucked.

I spread open your pussy, pink and warm, swollen clit I pinch in between me fingers, and you hiss but you only get wetter, if I pinched for a little longer you were sure coming all over the table. I open me mouth to taste your warm and savory juices, I suck and kiss your clit, picking up with my tongue your wetness, you're going to cum so good, I can feel it building up, you're in for a ride, and you've just begun to climb up the roller coaster.

"Oh... that's soo good" You gasp and sigh, I let my two fingers twist inside your pussy, me knuckles rimming your walls slowly, the bumpy and hard skin of my fingers make you gently fuck yourself into them, while I watch you with my tongue lapping over your clit teasingly, just those gentle touches make your legs shake, and your walls to contract, you're wonderful, you behave well, your hands slowly crawling into me hair, pulling it gently, your little whimpers get me worked up and I have to put in the biggest effort to not palm meself, I want you to feel every inch of me.

"You feel so lovely, babe doll" This feels so right, you bite on my lower lip, pulling my flesh until it bleeds. You're a sucker for my accent, you really are, you enjoy hearing me voice, doesn't it relax you? Doesn't it turn you on? I want to know what it is... I want to feel what it is, your legs keep shaking and your body keeps getting stiffer, your lower abdomen making pressure, and your walls are closing around me fingers, I shake them inside you, your mouth falls open, my lips sucking your clit harder and your body arches until I feel your cunt losing up, feeling your release leaking out of that tiny little hole, I'm eager to taste it, I eat your pussy eagerly, you know I'm hungry for it, my mouth eating your pussy like a soft and warm bun, and you taste just as sweet, just as good as I imagined, I won't let you rest, I will keep you on the limit. I drag you forward, making you kiss me lips, "Do you taste that? Taste how sweet you are... taste how good I ate you"

"And you're gonna fuck me just as good?" Your hand sneaks in between me legs, you love how hard my dick is for you, it makes you feel so thrilled, makes you feel good about yourself, and it makes you feel hot.

"You'll just have to wait a little bit longer, I'm not done with you" I'm certain about something, you're a kinky little shit, and I know you want something like this, I bend you over the kitchen table, and you're just ready for it, arching your back, spreading your legs, you're not putting a fight, my hand kneads your ass like dough, and spanks it hard over and over again, "You precious little thing, are you going to do everything I tell you to do?"

"No" You state firmly, earning another smack in your ass.

"Tell me summat..." I push my hips against your dripping wet cunt, that's oozing for another smack, "How much do you want it?" You sigh, rubbing your ass against my cock, you're killing me, you better stop now, the friction, the warmth, your goddamn smell, "Answer me you fuckin' cunt" You giggle, you do love it.

"I want you so bad" You whisper, no, I don't like that.

"Not enough" The smacks you earn are getting harder to bear, but you enjoy them, and so do I, you masochistic little shit.

"I need you inside me, Alex... I can't wait any longer" You rock your hips against mine, humping your naked pussy against my bulge, "Please..." You whimper so sweetly, I can't handle it any longer, I take off your dress, and you're wearing nothing but your tall black heels, looking like a fuckin' hooker, but I bet that's what you like.

"You want it you fucking slut?" You keep whimpering and rubbing yourself on me jeans, I bet that you've stained them already, "Come here" I turn you around and kiss you deeply, I can feel your hands unbuttoning my shirt as fast as you can, even in the heat of the moment you don't break my shirt but I couldn't care less, I take your hands and make fists ripping it apart and throwing it away, you're even faster to take out my jeans and leaving me on my boxers, that's the one good thing about me, I can see how your eyes lit up as you see how hard me fat cock is for you, you bite your lower lip and I pull you back up from your knees.

Time for reminder number two, the settee, I pull you up, and you sit in my arm until I put you back to the ground gently, I have to let you know that I was here, I need you to know how good I am, no other man could please you like that, I pull your leg up while you hold yourself up with the other, your pussy is so fucking wet my cock slides inside you so easily, I can feel the electric shocks that run all over your body, "Hard, please" You whine, I'm going to show you what hard actually is.

My hips thrust inside you so roughly the settee moves out of place, your nails dig into the cushions as I keep railing your tight hole harder, and you scream like bloody murder, I hope your neighbors don't call the police, I hope they can see how hard you're getting your cunt fucked, I want everyone that walks by to hear you, "You wanted hard babe!" You moan and scream, and keep getting your pussy pounded like meat being beaten up to get it tender. I dig your head into the pillows.

"Don't... d-don't-" Don't what?

"I can't understand you, babe, can you repeat that for me?" You pant trying to catch your breath, and your legs are numbing up, and I can see they've lost some strength, "Do you want me to stop, because I can" As I saw you didn't make a move, I began to pull out but you stopped, digging your nails into my wrist.

"Don't stop for fucks sake" Now for the next one, I stay buried inside you like that, you keep trying to fuck yourself into me cock but I just won't allow it, I pick you up once more, and your legs around my torso, and you press your warm chest against mine, I lean back against the giant bookshelf next to your bedroom door, you hold on into the shelves for leverage while I drive my cock inside you, your pussy feels so tight I wish I could let this last forever, I'll make that pussy mine.

"You want more, babe?" You hum and gasp, yes of course you do, you're loving every single inch of me cock, "God you look so beautiful with your mouth opened like that," I lick your bottom lip, "And that little cunt of yours is so wet for me, you're just making things harder for me..." I pushed meself too hard inside you, the shelf shook, and something hard dropped to the ground but you ignored it, you've lost yourself in my touch, and I feel embarrassed for dropping something. Your inner animal wakes up as I throw you into your bed.

I crawl on top of you but you gather up your strength to flip me over, I didn't expect that, you've taken the lead and I want to see you lose control, you writhe your hips into mine, your eyes facing the roof, and your mouth wide open, your hair falling into your head, you looked possessed, but you had lost the power to think about what you were doing, "For fucks sake" If you keep moving like that, you're going to make this end sooner, and I've already planned everything out, I try to sit up but you hold me down, chocking me so hard that it's almost impossible to breathe for me, but I love that feeling, my head feels light, my vision is blurry, but I'm not going to give in to you, I already have, you have got to give into me.

I flip you over so harshly, your head almost slammed against your headboard, "Listen to me you fuckin' cunt" My harsh tone makes your core shake, "You ain't the one on command, now... I don't wanna repeat meself" It's arousing you, I can feel it in between your legs, you're shamelessly getting wetter, "Don't make me repeat meself again" You love to play with me, I see that naughty little smile curling into your lips.

"You already did" You like to pull on my hair, don't you? And you will pay for that.

"Don't fuck with me" Your eyebrows push together and your little smirk makes me go mad.

"You know I love to" Love? You "love to"? Does this mean that you might love me? Even just a tiny bit?

"You do, huh?" I begin to rock my hips against yours, slowly, passionately, like a slow and steaming dance, I see your fingers grasping the sheets making hard fists, "You don't know what you've gotten yourself into" And I'm not lying, you really don't.

"Show me Alex" You whisper to me those three words so sexily, charmingly, I've already lost my mind.

"I'll show you how a real man fucks you, babe," Your oozing with the thrill, "I'll show you how to behave... you little fuckin' cunt" Your mouth opens to moan and I take advantage of it to spit inside your mouth, both my hands chocking you, "You're mine... all mine"

"I'd love to" You whimper, "Make me yours please... please just do, I want you Alex" You keep asking me that with your little weak voice, your body that speaks to me, I can read it so easily, it tells me that I'm doing exactly what you want me to do, it shivers, and it quivers, and it sweats, it screams, it tightens, it stiffens, in your eyes I can feel your fast heartbeat in my fingers, and it goes just as fast as mine, my body against yours sounds like I'm butchering you, your neighbors must think I'm holding a knife against your throat, but it does go as deep, it does penetrate and it hurts you in the most magnificently and pleasingly way, your eyes red shot, and your voice gets quieter, shit, I'm losing you, I am.

"Wake up, wake up!" I scream to you, my hand patting your cheek lightly, your pulse is barely detectable, I slap you across your face and you gain back consciousness in the blink of an eye, I didn't want to do it, I would never do that, but when your lips curl into your devilish smile, I know see how you really are.

"Do that again Al" You tease me, I love it when you call me like that, no one ever really does that anymore, is that my new nickname? Al? You're going to remember me forever babe, I hope you do, and tomorrow when you wake up, I'm still going to be there, I'll make your breakfast, and I'll do anything you ask me to do, even dishes, you won't pick them up.

"You're mad, woman" You giggle, and you try to pick yourself up, I can't let you, I did knock you over completely, my hand very gently caresses your cheeks, it's red and fragile, it must burn or at least sting, "Let me do the kissing for now, babe"

"And the fucking too perhaps?" You smile at me, your cute little button nose is flushed, your cheeks and chest are red, your nipples are hard, it turned you on to this point, you're dark, what else are you not telling me? "I'm crazy about you" Those words will echo in my head for the rest of my days.

I take no rush into fucking you, I'm not just a guy you'll sleep with, I'm your man, and I wanted to make sweet sweet love to you, but you won't let me, you like it rough, hard, fast, I don't want this moment to be over, at least not for me yet, you can cum as many times as you like, and like the real man I am, I am profoundly true to the saying 'Happy wife, happy life'

I hug you close to me, that's the least I can do, if I'm going to lose control, let my heart tell yours how much I love you, even if you dump me like a puppy, I'll stay loyal, I'll follow your scent everywhere, I will forever remember the scent of your vanilla hair, your Dior perfume, and the golden necklace around your neck, I counted 15 moles on your body, even the one in between your legs, my hands grab your hair into fists as I pound you harder and harder, you're losing your mind and I'm losing control again, your bed squeaks so loudly and the headboards slams against the wall so harshly, but I don't stop I can't stop now, I can feel you, I can feel it coming, you bring yourself to an end again, the palm of my hand slowly adds pressure on your lower belly, to ease you up, the bed keeps squeaking so annoyingly, and even after we ignored the several warnings, the legs of your bed broke and your headboard fell to the ground, we both break into laughter.

"Oh God!" Your little laughter is so bubbly and funny, it makes me smile and feel so ashamed at the same time.

"I'm so sorry, I'll pay for that" You rub the tip of your little nose against mine, and look at me tenderly, your fingers caressing the back of my head, if only you could see the hearts in my eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous... you know, I've never broken a bed before... you're not going to be easy to forget batman, I hope you don't disappear into the night soon" I'll get you off first, but there's one thing you should be certain of.

"I never intended to" Was that too much? Sorry if that was too much, maybe it was... maybe it wasn't, I'm having a hard time reading your face right now, you're looking at me very seriously, I don't want to get my hopes up, but you're killing me, I should focus now, finish the deed, "But I'm still sorry about your bed though"

"Shut the fuck up, and keep fucking me" Whatever she wants, whatever she wants... You're already the song on the radio I got stuck in me head.

I pull us closer to the safest edge of your bed, toss your legs over me shoulders, and bend them over, I lean over and pound the living shit out of you, I was balls deep inside you, and you like it, so much that you dig your nails into my back, scratching my skin until red and bloody, I don't care how much it hurts, leave as many marks as you want, the deeper the better, my hair falls over my forehead and you make the kindest gesture, your brush it back with your long nails, even if by now I'm sweating like a pig you keep bringing me closer to you, I can feel the light tingles of you breathing in me face, of you biting down on my golden chain making laugh, making me go insane, I keep pushing harder, and you throw your head back, almost letting go of me, but I won't let you, I'll send you to heaven if you want, but don't leave without me.

"Oh, Alex... I'm so close, please..." Your eyeballs turn into beautiful glossy pearls, and you crumble down into pieces as you coat my cock in your warm release, I can feel your walls pushing it out and running down your cozy hole, I stay buried inside you, watching your mouth fall open and choke out your last orgasms, they spin in my head like a tiny little music box, "You're next, Alex... you can't end things like that... you know how much I want it, you already did so much for me" Wait, what are you doing?

Your hands run up my chest, and you massage my shoulders, "You really want me to breed you, you greedy little fuck?" Your hands go down and you massage my balls, Jesus, you really do, I bet you're not even aware of what you're doing to me... or are you?

"Yes Alex, use it... use me" You know exactly what you're doing, I drag my cock out just rimming your walls once again, I better start warming you up, but you don't want that now, you're thinking about me, about what I want, you deserve a little star on your forehead for being so caring, a man and its needs, it's nothing compared to your needs, and I bet you needed someone to get you off correctly.

"You're mine... I want you to say it" I promised to you since the beginning, I won't stop until you're mine, "Are you mine?" I look at you with my big eyes full of hope for you to say it, please tell me now.

"I'm yours Alex" My lips taste your mouth, your tongue dancing with mine. You're made of the sweetest poison

God, I remember that time I was watching through your window, that night you were laying down on your settee, your hand was vigorously and shamelessly rubbing your clit in circles, fucking your little cunt with two fingers, rocking yourself into your touch with the desperate need to rub yourself against something hard, just like you were rubbing yourself against me hard cock. You keep squeezing my balls, your hands sneak into my ass squeezing it gently to keep me going, you love having me right at the edge of ending it all, I can't keep it up for another moment anymore, you're big stary eyes, your little sparkles, your touches, the smell, the noises, you're begging for me cum, I slam my fist next to your head, dragging your body up as I push myself deep inside you and coat your walls in me creamy cum, you're pure bliss as I feel us both coming together, a gorgeous after bliss surrounding us, you have this certain smell, a certain heat, and you're just so beautiful with your cheeks flushed like that.

"Let me clean you up, it's me mess, just lay down" You nod your head, laying gently on your broken bed to not let it crash completely into the ground, you point your finger telling me where the toilet is, and I rush there to grab a few paper towels and clean your skin softly, soothingly, I can feel you relaxing, I can smell my body in yours, the smell of my cologne, your almond oil, and your pheromones. And when I'm done you grab my hand and I can see you thanking me for even that tiny gesture, that's nothing you should be thanking me for, that's the least.

"Now the question is... where are we going to sleep?" We? You want me to sleep here, with you? You're not quicking me out, or at least not yet, this is my chance and I would be lying if I didn't say I was the luckiest man alive.

"Maybe the settee would be a nice place" Your gorgeous olive green settee, corduroy, soft, and marked, I can see you smiling at the space in between your two cushions, I see your giant ivory bookshelf, another mark. I lean forward to pick up what I had dropped when we assaulted the shelf, but it wasn't one of the thousands of vinyl records you've got organized by letter, it's a case... a guitar case. I didn't know that about you. Tonight made me realize that you're a hat full of surprises, the deeper I search the more I find.

"Want some food?... I've got some nuggets and fries... and-" You close your fridge and turn to look at me, "Oh, you know how to play?" I nod my head, trying to stay as noble and humble, you smack your hand into your forehead, "Of course, you do," You sigh and I can hear you whispering to yourself, "Stupid question"

"And do you?" You hum as a yes, interesting, I bet you do, but why do you hide your guitar like that? As if it was buried in this beautiful world with music, colors, words, and meanings.

"I did..." You turn on your air frier and toss some nuggets and fries in there, I'm so happy that you're not like one of those crazy keto girls, you pour us some fresh orange juice as you keep talking to me, "But you know, my mom always told me 'that's just a hobby', and when I moved here I hoped to find some people that wanted to share this fire to try to make some music... but I never managed to, and then I just gave up"

"That's a bit sad, love... you shouldn't have" You lean over the kitchen countertop, amazing reminder, I see you smiling over the edge of your shoulder, but you turn to look at me as you pick up some of our clothes, and then you run into my shirt and you decided to wear it as your sex shirt, you look beautiful, "I mean, being a music producer and making it was hard, but it was even harder to follow something I'm not passionate about" That's what's wrong, you didn't follow your passion, that's what you're missing, "Have you got any songs?" Your face lights up but it quickly slips away, and the redness crawls into your face, What? I'm trying to help you, I want you to be happy with me and with your life.

"I can't accept that" You quickly answered, your head said no but I know you want this, it's served on a silver platter, why can't you let your reserved self accept this?

"Accept what? I haven't said anything, I just asked if you could sing for me... I know you have a lovely voice" You laugh sarcastically at me, leaning over to fetch your guitar, and searching for a notebook on your vinyl shelf.

You sit next to me, legs crossed, guitar on your lap, naked with just my shirt on, your knees holding your notebook as you search for the perfect page for me, you make sure that your guitar is tuned before you start and your thumb softly strums down the notes, making a lovely rhythm, and only two chords, C and Em, your voice sounds like a million angels, and I feel like a lost man after serving the purgatory, your voice is so hauntingly beautiful, your lyrics are very forward, and I'm happy to know through your lyrics how truly you feel about things, you don't search for big words you choose the right ones, you're bold, and you're wise, you try to put an end to your complicated feelings, your questions, everything, all in one song with a few strums and two simple chords.

"That's all," You say putting your guitar next to you, I'm blown away, "I know I suck"

"No!" I answer immediately, "You don't... I think it's beautiful"

"You're just saying that because..." No, I'm not just saying that because I want to fuck you, no not at all, don't you ever believe that.

"I'm saying that because I think you've got it, and you don't want to quit everything to live your dream, I know it must be difficult... but I'm being truthful, you've got summat and we can work on it" Why do you keep saying no with your head? Stop that, if I could rip it off right now... no, don't think that, "Come on, I'm not takin' a piss" You break into laughter with me, throwing your head back, you jump up the moment your oven dings and you run to flip the nuggets and the fries, putting 10 more minutes into the oven.

"Takin' a piss" You laugh to yourself, "Well, if you're not takin' a piss" You imitate my accent and it sounds so silly when you try to do it, "I'm not accepting your help Alex, you have your own thing, and if I'm going to do this, I have to do it on my own," Perfect, I'll take that.

"Why don't you go to Panda's next Saturday? They're looking for some people to play some music, any style, any theme, you can do whatever you want... I'm sure everyone will love you, and you know, there's always someone on the hunt for summat fresh!" I see you thinking about it, I'm not saying I'll help you, I'm just offering the start of something great for you, this is it for you. And yes, I am going to get you the best deal you could ever imagine, but first I have to run things through your notebook, I secretly hide your baby pink notebook, your initials written with a black sharpie, and I stash it in between the cushions.

"I'll think about it" I'll think about it. I hope you do go, I can't wait to see you singing for everyone, you will charm them, "Dinner is served me lord" You're also a dork, just like me, imagine all of the jokes we can make together, they'll be endless.

"My! Thank you, very kind" Dinousor nuggets with a side of fries, the melancholic feeling of your childhood must be present every single day, you squeeze some Ketchup into my plate, squirting into my chest.

"Whoops! Let me clean that for you" You lean in, sticking out your tongue to lick off the ketchup from my chest, "Eat up!" I'm in love with you, "And then we'll get on with that" You look down, and I do the same, shite, look what you do to me, you make me get so hard like a little boy hitting puberty.

"Bugger" I whisper under my breath, you heard it since you giggled, "You know, I think the food can wait right?" You push your plate away and you immediately crawl on top of me, kissing my lips so tenderly, caressing my chin with your fingers, and enjoying the texture of the little hairs that are growing on me cheeks.

"Mmm ketchup" You laugh into the kiss, and our teeth collide accidentally, and us by casualty, "You taste yummy"

"Imagine yourself" You blush hard, something tells me no one has ever made you feel that good about yourself, and that's because no one will see you with the same eyes as me, you're my girl, you will be, I try to flip you but instead you stop me, have I done something wrong?

"We're not going to break this couch, I love this fucking couch, you understand that?" You firmly said, your eyes threatening to kill me if I do as such, "I'm on top" I squeeze your ass tightly biting my bottom lip.

"Whatever she wants... but if I broke the bed it's 90% your fault," You scoffed and laughed as I peeled my shirt from your body gently, making sure I don't break more buttons so you could keep it, "Because you feel so good, and maybe you could be on top, but I know sooner or later... you'll be the one giving into me" Quite intense, wasn't I? Fuck!

"But for now, it's me who calls the shots, so if we break this... it will be 98% your fault, how do you like me now, smarty?" You secure your arms around my shoulder, I pull you in, chest on chest, as I give myself a few more strokes before you slowly slide down my cock, moaning so gently, I like feeling every part of you, I can see how your body twists and shivers when I hit that sweet spot.

"How do you like that?" I rub it in your face, how good I'm making you feel, "I guess one round just wasn't quite enough for you," You start humping on my cock slowly, you're just teasing me again, but I enjoy feeling your body move against mine, your little cries and moans, everything piles up in me, I know this time I'll enjoy you, picture you going in slow motion, I can feel your rapid heartbeat, I can feel the heat wave that raises and wrap us in, I can feel your body begging to mine to stay as close as possible, because that's what your body and my body want, we smile, we laugh, and I fall deeper in a hole full of love for you, and I'm no donkey to use the dirt to get out, I rather stay buried deep inside you just like now. Your body is tired, it's been two hours since your legs worked for the last time, and you beg for more into my ear.

"You're so good, I-I don't understand" What don't you understand, babe? Your fingers intertwine in the back of my head, as you writhe your hips to mine, our bodies dancing together so wonderfully, your hips move in circles against mine.

"Neither of those assholes could ever come close to me, I'm a real man..."

"And you've got the size" You flirt with me so shamelessly, your walls keep dragging me in, your head falls into my shoulder, you're giving into me, fading into me, and it's me time now, I finally get to give you what I wanted since the beginning, make sweet and honest love to you, my hands on your thighs I keep driving your body against mine, I gently bounce you on me lap just to get you to stay up again, you're eyes are shutting, your mouth is falling open again.

"Look at me" I order, and you do what I tell you to do, you look at me towards your end, I hope you can read it in my eyes, I hope you can feel how warm the flesh is, how my eyes, my brain, and heart have no space for anyone else but you, how mad you've made me, I'm obsessed, and I'm not going to lie to myself about it anymore, I don't want to just use you, I hope you can see that, but if you can't, I hope this is enough for you to understand it, my eyes big and dilated for you, my body feels so stiff, it's overwhelming, "You're so beautiful, love"

"If you keep calling me that, you're gonna make me fall in love, Alex"

So I'll say it every single day for the rest of my life, you feel so good on me, your body fits into mine so perfectly, and I'm so close, and so are you, the flesh is tender, the flowers bloom, the sun rises and it's heat rains all over the world, and you and I bond together for one last time before your body crashes into mine, I make a mess, but that's a bit on purpose, "Ah, yes" You sigh into my ear as you let it rest on top of mine. I have the chance to clean your body once more, to clean you up with care and love, my touch is so gentle your body fills with goosebumps, "You really don't have to Alex" You put your hand on my hand, and I freeze, should I stop? Am I making you uncomfortable?

"Sorry... if I'm doing too much" Your eyebrows push together and before I can get away you drag me back by my wrist and smile at me. What do you think of me?

"No, I'm just..." You sigh, you're troubled by your thoughts, "Not used to the 'aftercare' part that's all, you know, sex for us girls... it's not like we see it in films, or read in books, maybe I don't have that magic to turn a beast into a prince, and... I just I dunno, I don't feel weird... you make me feel special, normally, they just leave" Are you... maybe falling for me?

I smile at you, my thumb grazes your cheek softly, "I'm a man, and I'm messy but I just don't like doing that there's an attraction, and if we have sex, unless you ask me to leave I'll leave" I put away the paper towels in the trash, and when I come back I find you waiting for me with my shirt on your body.

"Well, if that's the case" My heart pumps one thousand miles per hour, I feel I'm entering a trance, about to puke my intestines out if you ask me to leave, "You don't mind staying?"

Fuck yeah! "Not at all" I try to keep me cool but I just can't, my heart betraying as I lay down with you.

After we finally had the chance to close our eyes, the sun peeks through the curtains of your windows, the sky painted orange and ocean blue, you smile at me, and you get back up from our little love nest that was the settee, you're quick to find the vinyl with the song we were listening together, the song we kissed to, the perfect song to watch the sunrise.

"Come with me!" I've never heard you so excited before, you run to the kitchen and fetch my boxers from the ground, and I'm a bit troubled by the thought of me wearing my jeans with no underwear but I do nevertheless because I would kill to see you like that every single day.

I cover my body with my coat, and you grab my hand, we run out of your house, and we go through this tiny little white gate, into a garden covered in green chasmophyte, that's the place where the flowers bloom in little boxes of dirt, the perfect place to see the sun, the perfect place to hide, to dream in, it's wonderful, you pull out a chair for me in this old rusty table, you find place to put your music and we listen to Call It Fate Call It Karma as the sun rises from the horizon, I pull you to my lap, wrapping your legs around my arms and hum the song to your ear, the birds are chirping, and the sun warms us from the once oh so cold night.

"You're a lovely singer," You say to my ear, I was never one to watch sunrises, I haven't done that since I was 17, and now with my busy life, I finally get to taste this little piece of paradise that you've given me.

"Not as good as you, bunny" You kiss my nose with a big smile, and I take out from my jeans a box of cigarettes and my old zippo, you set on my smoke, and you love to play with my zippo as your hands run through my naked skin, you love playing with fire, don't you? I just hope someday, you don't get burned in the fire of my love.

A/N

Anon, I want to kiss you. You don't know for how long I've been trying to figure out how to write this chapter, I had to watch You again but it was totally worth it, so thank you!

#alex turner x reader #alex turner x you #alex turner smut #arctic monkeys #arctic monkeys one shots #alex turner fan fic #* is for smut <3 #alex turner #alex turner imagine #alex turner fanfic #alex turner angst #alex turner fic recommendations #alex turner fic recs #arctic monkeys fic recs #something about you #alex turner x y/n #anonymous requests #i love alex turner #i love him #matt helders #alex turner one shots #jamie cook #nick omalley #anonymus request #the car tour #the car era

[wariocompany]

Anyway I've been here for six days now (basically a naturalised citizen) so here is what I have to say about China

Shit is CHEAP. Worryingly cheap. Don't think about it too much.

Their hourly minimum wage is the equiv of about $5AUD but that's reasonably proportionate to how much a meal is. Rent seems a bit more difficult though so I don't know how people manage that (cheap as dirt places go for 4000yuan a month or so)

People are REALLY nice, even security guards and cops and other people you'd assume would kind of give you a hard time. They'll have a laugh with you about stuff.

The country kind of feels like it's encased in a giant metaphorical glass dome - everything functions using their own special apps, special ways of doing things, etc etc. Breaking into it is difficult, but once you're "in", so to speak, it's very easy.

Public spaces including trains and buses are a bit of an "every man for himself" vibe. People will play their phone videos out loud and no one even gives a shit. Once a security guard on shift was just sitting there playing his 抖音 videos out loud with little concern for anything or anyone. It's not mayhem, but it's certainly no polite affair.

Your phone loses battery very quickly and unless you're just going for a walk it's impossible to leave home without it as any purchase is via WeChat, Alipay et al. Many times I had considered going for a phone free outing before realising it just couldn't be done.

China is beautiful and just about every place has something to offer. There are streets that are clearly just a result of a LOT of urban development being done very quickly but in terms of actual sites, it's hard to find a city that doesn't have something incredible in it.

Their coffee is top notch. Seriously approaching Melbourne level. I'm flabbergasted and slightly concerned because frankly Australia is bullied by China on the daily and our coffee is the only thing I knew for certain we had over them. Now I don't know what the fuck we're meant to do

Trains tend to be in English, even if it's not particularly big with foreigners, though I haven't gone to any suuuuper remote locations so I don't know about those. They're very well maintained; they're more or less indistinguishable from those in Japan, Korea etc.

Bikes and motorbikes don't have to follow traffic lights which will make you shit yourself the first couple times they ride right past you as you cross the road.

There is not as much propaganda around as I was expecting. My uni has a big statue of Mao but as it happens that's just cuz he has a history with this particular university. I haven't seen any pictures of Mao anywhere else that's not, like, a dedicated Spot for that sort of thing (think Tiananmen square etc). I saw one pic of Xi in a museum. Most propaganda is just asking people to become soldiers and cops and stuff. I was expecting it to be like Vietnam or something but it's basically non-existent.

No the social credit memes are not true unless everyone else can see mine and is just not telling me

Those world statistics weren't lying that country really can heavily populayed

People love taking photos of themselves but selfies are not too popular, so dedicated individuals will bring whole stands with lights and shit like that, as though they were dedicated cosplayers. Yesterday we saw a middle aged woman doing a sort of VR anime idol stream (I can't remember what they're called but the one where your face is overlayed with an anime avatar) in the middle of the bridge haha

^ and people will take these sorts of photos in front of ANYTHING. Even if it's... Slightly inappropriate by some standards. It's kind of funny.

People are generally quite chill and don't take themselves too seriously

I'll add more if I think of more

[butwhyduh]

Hello! I absolutely adore your stories! ❤️💖 I was hoping you could write a funny batsis (who is the biological daughter of Batman and is between Dick and Jason in age) story about her getting caught in one morning (or whenever) doing some "bedsheet sparring" with like Conner Kent or someone with powers that shouldn't be in gotham without Batman's permission (lol) and her entire family are who catch her because it's her birthday or something and they came in to surprise her with breakfast! I think it would be hilarious!

Warning cuz it has smut lol

Batsis x Kon kent

Conner pulled you on his lap, setting the pace faster than your hips wanted to go, pulling a moan from your lips. He quickly swallowed it in a rough kiss. He could feel the way you were clenching tight around him, 4th time that night (technically morning) to be exact, that you were going cum soon.

“Oh Kon!” You whimpered while throwing your head back and clenching him tightly. Conner groaned and thrust up to find his own high. You rocked together in pleasure. He could hear your heart pounding in your chest and feel the sheen on sweat on your body that this was the last round. You were only human after all.

A loud rapping at the front door made you jump. You looked at Conner confused. Who was at your door at 6 in the morning? You grabbed your robe as you climbed off Conner.

Conner used his x Ray vision to look thru the door, “babe, that’s your-“

“My baby sister’s birthday!” Called Dick thru the door. “Open up!”

You froze and looked at Conner who was clearly debouched and oozing sex from every pore and you knew you didn’t look much better. You tried to smooth your hair down and you grabbed a wet paper towel to wipe at the streaked makeup from the night before that you’d been too busy to remove. You hadn’t gone to bed yet.

You and Conner had gone partying and hadn’t gotten home until past 2 am and you both had gone to bed but certainly not to sleep.

“Answer the door! I know you hear me!” Dick called.

“Maybe she doesn’t want her brothers to bother her,” Jason replied. Fuck, both of them??

“Maybe she was actually out partying all night and is dead asleep right now,” Tim added. That was when you knew that Conner was going to die that day. Your birthday. The windows on the small apartment were all on one side that were visible from the front door so no flying away.

He was hastily throwing on his pants and shirt before moving to your bedroom closet. You pulled it close while calling to your brothers, “just a minute!”

A final look in the mirror caused you to blanch at the sight of a fresh hickey on your collarbone that you hurried to cover with your robe. There was no way that wasn’t going to be visible today. Your heart pounded like you were tracking killer Croc when you opened the door.

Dick, Jason, and Tim were standing there with balloons, a box from a bakery, and a present bag.

“Hi,” you said. You suddenly realized how much water you needed. You were just lucky to not pull something with everything Conner had done to you.

“Woah sleep head,” Jason teased while handing you the cupcake box as he walked in. Dick and Tim followed.

“Well it is a little early,” you admitted. “Wha-what brings you here? Now?”

“We wanted to tell you happy birthday first,” Dick said and you huffed out a laugh with a nod.

“Right,” you said. “And you figured the crack of dawn was a good idea because…”

“Tim couldn’t sleep and you didn’t reply to his meme so we came down,” Jason finally answered.

“Seriously? You do know I’m a big girl that can take care of myself, right?” You replied with a huff. You sat on the arm of the couch as exhaustion finally hit. It made sense. You’d been up 27 hours straight, danced at clubs for hours, and then bed acrobats for half the night with your literal superhuman boyfriend. And when was the last time you had anything to drink.

“We know but it’s nice to see you without the whole family,” Dick added.

“Without Damian, bruce, and Alfred you mean?” You said.

“Maybe,” Tim shrugged. “Are you hungry? We can go get food? A waffle house?” He suggested. It did sound good but so did spooning with your boyfriend until midday.

“I don’t know. I’m a little tired,” you said and that was a hell of an understatement.

“We’re all tired. Get dressed. Get waffles. And then take a nap before Bruce’s party,” Jason said, tossing you your bag. You caught it but your robe dipped down your shoulder.

“What the hell?” Dick said. They all stared at the mark clearly visible before you yanked it up your shoulder.

“Who did that? Is that why you’re tired? Did we interrupt a booty call?” Jason asked.

“Ew, booty call?” Tim said to Jason who pointed at you and shrugged.

“No! No one did anything. It’s none of your business,” you stammered.

“Is he or she going to the party tonight?” Dick asked. “Are they in here?”

Your eyes widened involuntarily. “That’s none of your-“

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Jason called as he and Tim started looking over the apartment.

“Stop them,” you begged Dick.

“They’re really here now? This whole time?” Dick asked.

“Jason, don’t!” You called as he went in your bedroom. Tim followed him and you ran after them. “Don’t!” You gasped just as he opened the closet door to show Conner Kent standing beside your shirts. His shirt was on backwards and he definitely looked like he recently had sex.

“You?” Jason said roughly with clear shock. Dick blinked and froze.

“Wow,” Tim added. “You’re gonna die today.”

“Stop it,” you said pushing Jason from the closet. He moved with your shove but he wasn’t the one you should have watched. Dick shoved Conner in the closet and punched him in his face before you could act.

“Dick!” You gasped in shock. Dick groaned and shook his hand but to his credit, Conner rubbed his lip where he was hit too.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Dick replied angrily to you. He stormed out of the room.

“Hey!” You called after him. You turned to Tim and Jason. “I don’t even know why he’s mad. I’m an adult.”

“That’s just being a big brother,” Jason said patting you on the shoulder. “Come on Tim. We’ll see her tonight. Happy birthday.”

“Jason!”

“Bye,” Tim said with a little wave before both left.

“Kon,” you said, looking up at him feeling lost. He simply pulled you into a hug.

“Let’s take a nap and we’ll fix it when they aren’t as mad,” he suggested. You let him pull you to bed where you hugged him tight. He ran his hands along your back before you finally fell asleep.

You woke a few hours later with a strong arm wrapped around you and you could feel your body hot and sweaty. Your robe was still on. The events of the night flooded back in your memory. You groaned and leaned into Conner who hugged you and kissed your temple, half asleep.

“Morning,” he said in a sexy husky morning voice.

“Morning. I can’t go to this thing today. I’ll cancel dinner and say I’m sick,” you said. Conner sighed.

“And hurt Bruce’s feelings that his little girl doesn’t want him around on her birthday?”

“Crap. What do I do?”

“If I could suggest,” he said, sitting up on his elbows as you still laid on his chest. “Bring me as your date. You didn’t introduce me because of your brothers, right? Now that isn’t a problem anymore.”

“That’s…. A good idea, actually,” you said after a second.

“That would sound insulting if I didn’t know you,” he muttered as you hurried out of bed.

“Bring you as my date and then Dick can’t get mad because you’re my boyfriend, not some random guy. We won’t have to sneak around anymore; even though that’s fun. Dad never needs to know any details because the boys telling him would just be weird. Conner,” you said, cupping his face. “You’re a genius!” You kissed him with a grin.

“And yet, I feel like a pawn,” he muttered as you tossed him a dress shirt.

“We need a shower,” you said, ignoring his commentary.

“Together? I’m interested in that,” he replied causing you to roll your eyes.

“We were ‘together’ all night. As long as the shower doesn’t lead to anything else then fine,” you replied.

“I mean, I also just enjoy seeing you naked so there’s that,” he said with a shrug.

———————————

The dinner was far from small. Your birthday party was a great event to invite Wayne Enterprise investors and frequent private donors to your favorite charities. Bruce had decorated the ballroom in your favorite color and theme. It was beautiful and full of people in fancy dress.

Conner adjusted his tie. “Shouldn’t have worn this stupid tie. That guy isn’t wearing one,” he motioned towards a man in the crowd. Jason had already flipped Conner off from across the crowd and Dick ‘accidentally’ knocked his drink from his hand with his own bandaged hand.

“He’s publicity. Not a guest,” you said quietly with an eye roll while straightening the tie. “And you want to make a good impression to my father.”

“I’m already preparing to get my ass beat by Batman,” Conner muttered under his breath.

“No. It’ll be Bruce Wayne and if you don’t take the hit and break his hand, then Batman will beat your ass later,” you replied. “But none of that will happen if you act like a polite journalist from Kansas.”

“I have many reason to hate that cover but it’s fine for now. Oh god, here he comes,” Conner said, standing straight as Bruce walked thru the crowd.

“Sweetheart,” Bruce said warmly, giving you a hug. “Kent,” he added, looking at Conner suspiciously over your shoulder.

“Hi Mr Wayne,” Conner replied. Bruce glared at him.

“Why is he here?”

“Dad,” you chided. “Conner is here as my.. date,” you said with a nervous smile. You watched Bruce Wayne go thru every emotion a man could have in 30 seconds.

“I see,” Bruce replied coldly. Your heart froze.

Conner looked between you both.

“Kent. You better treat her well or I’ll put a boot so far up your ass, you’ll taste kryptonite,” Bruce said calmly before walking away to talk to another guest.

“I’m gonna die,” Conner whimpered. “I had to date Batman’s daughter and now I’m gonna die.”

#friday night smut #conner kent x reader #Superboy x reader #superboy smut #Conner kent smut #dc smut #batboy brothers

[starfruitwyne]

The Twilight Bunch Smoking Weed Headcanons 🌲✨🌲

Ya know, if vampires could get high 👀✨

Bella

Is hesitant to partake her first time 'round but tries to pull it off as her thinking it's just a lame activity.

Insists everyone else go first.

The lighter never works for her.

Needs to be held or have weight on her once she's reached a high.

Goes completely silent.

"Will I smell when I go home?"

In Her Smoke Playlist: Boygenius - Souvenir

Edward

Lights Bella's joints.

Enjoys doing things with his hands once he's high like drawing or playing with a fidget toy. Will usually be rolling the next J.

Goes on looong tangents. "Remember that one time..."

If anyone (Bella) greens out he wraps them up like a burrito on the couch and gives them water.

Alice makes him laugh so hard he has to leave or he'll get sick.

"This stuff's kinda weak."

In His Smoke Playlist: Debussy - Arabesque

Rosalie

On her damn phone.

Bubble gum is her munchie of choice and she pops it as a mood regulator.

Holds onto the joint for too long cuz she forgets she has it.

Leans against Emmet and occasionally shows him a meme she found on insta.

Hums to whatever song is playing on the loud speaker.

"I'm fucking cold."

In Her Smoke Playlist: The Cranberries - Ode To My Family

Alice

Bella's cuddle buddy.

Gets INCREDIBLY flirty with everyone.

In your nightmare blunt rotation.

Comes out with the funniest quotes of the smoke sesh, which get repeated at future get togethers. "What was that thing Alice said last time??..."

Has to move around, usually by dancing.

"Do you wanna make out?"

In Her Smoke Playlist: Fleetwood Mac - Dreams

Emmett

Asleep.

"Honk shoo honk shoo"

Jasper

A little jumpy but laughs it off.

Usually playing a video game in the background.

Has the most terrifying zoned out stare which everyone HAS to snap him out of cuz it freaks everyone out.

Crashes the hardest.

"How long has this song been playing?"

In His Smoke Playlist: Jonny Cash - Ring of Fire

^^^ He accidently queues it into the Spotify Party 27 times. Each time it plays everyone loses it.

#twilight #twilight headcanon #edward cullen #bella swan #alice cullen #the twilight saga #emmett cullen #jasper hale #rosalie cullen #rosalie hale #jasper cullen #my post

[an-au-blog]

Thinking about Shuggy college au and got to thinking about the relative ages of other characters and now I’m thinking of end of High school aged Frobin. Robin is that loner goth girl turned popular goth girl that is still seen as a bit odd but she’s smart and helpful and has a slightly morbid sense of humor that just endears her to her classmates. Franky is that loud jock who comes to school in way too short shorts even when the weather doesn’t permit for it. You’d think he’s a huge dumbass from the way he acts sometimes but he actually knows a lot of stuff and gets decent grades and is pretty nifty with machines (Also sometimes babysitting his kid neighbor Usopp and teaching him how to not hit his thumb with a hammer). Both of them having this kind of „end of a slow burn“ relationship where Franky is trying to gather his nerves and tell his long term friend that he has feelings for her and it’s completely fine if she doesn’t, but also she’s going to move to college after the end of this school year and he’s afraid about what that means for them and not to mention he’s „smart“ but Robin is like „SMART smart“ and is going to study history and oh GOD what if this is the thing that makes them loose contact and Oh god, oh no, oh fuck.

… probably ends with her just spontaneously taking his hand and asking HIM out, completely oblivious that he has been fretting over this for almost an entire school year. Just felt like the right thing to do to her. A decision she made right that moment.

I... I never really calculated her years in the college au and at first I thought, pft, she won't be that old but then... like she IS around 10/11 years older than Luffy and assuming he's around 5/6 she'd be in her last years of school omg D:' I'm supposed to be good at math how did I not see this???

Also you have no idea how happy I am, this is my first frobin ask I was so happy when I saw it and then my happiness doubled because it's the college au hahaha :')

If I haven't given you a name, can I call you Franon? Or Fronan?? (haha cuz frobin + anon...)

(Edit: by the time I was halfway through writing this post, I realized I've written an entire subplot lol':))

Robin is definitely that weird kid in school that's a bit too smart for her own good and most teachers just think she's a smartass. The type that even though she moved schools and now she's pretty (and still a bit weird, just hides it better), she still has the outcast mentality. She doesn't know how to be herself and she definitely doesn't know what to do, react or even comprehend that someone wants to be friends with her. Let alone to be interested in her romantically.

Franky on the other hand is so outgoing because he's so weird. People will see him in a blizzard in his short shorts and sunglasses and go "how the heck are you not cold". He'd respond with "oh, I'm freezing! I have a parka and two cotton shirts under there!" and people would laugh along. The type to high-five and greet random people he's talked to once as if they've been friends for ages. I feel like he'd also kinda be the class clown but in a somewhat respectful way. There's a meme about someone calling Prometheus a mad lad and then Hermes a Chad, and I feel like that would be his vibe.

Also, I'm sorry Fronan/Franon, but I'm absolutely stealing the idea that Franky babysits Usopp and they have fun arts and crafts type of bonding. He'll need it for the stuff I've been planning for him and Yasopp >:]]]

Everyone assumes he's a moron, but it's until Robin sees him in one of his extracurricular advanced classes that she realizes he's not only smart but funny and fun to be around. It turns out that they also have a lot in common and quickly become friends.

Also him overthinking it and her asking him out is so on brand imo and I absolutely love it. And maybe here comes into play the fact that he's so friendly with everyone so he automatically assumes people like him so he doesn't know what signs for romantic feelings look like? And how she doesn't think anyone could like her in that way? I can imagine him trying to talk himself out of it because she's going places and what could he give her to make her be with him anyway. While she's sitting next to him already planning a schedule for their talks for their long distance relationship.

And of course, their long distance relationship works very well. They both love each other so much they try their best to have at least two or three nights to talk. In fact, their relationship has a very strong foundation of getting to know each other because of the physical separation.

Or so I'd like to think hehe :')

#frobin #one piece frobin #college au #franky x robin #robin x franky #op #answers

[avasmain69]

hey hey hey, can i request a fic? if so can i request toman founding members reacting to other members flirting with reader?🫶🏻🫶🏻

Ofc! Thank you for requesting! <3 I only accept 3-4 characters at a time tho!

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔!

CHARACTERS: TOMAN FOUNDERS

SUMMARY: How they react when another member flirts with their s/o.

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence/Blood, Death threat in Mikey’s part, kinda harassment in Draken’s part

⊹ MANJIRO SANO (MIKEY)

You and Baji were laughing about some ridiculous cat meme he found when a lower ranking member from his division decided to try and make a move on you, saying something along the lines of, “What’s a pretty girl like you doing around a bunch of delinquents?”. The man pretty much ignored Baji’s presence, who was now wide eyed and mentally calling the guy an idiot. Both you and Baji knew how possessive Mikey could be when it came to the people he deemed important to him. Almost on cue, Mikey comes and wraps his arms around your waist tightly. The guy, now bowing and apologizing profusely, looked scared, which you couldn’t help but giggle at. “Who the hell do you think you are?”, Mikey spoke loudly, giving the guy a terrifying glare. Everyone knew you belong to Mikey, as you sit up on his lap during meetings, so the guy had no excuse for his lame attempt at flirting. “The next time you pull some shit like that I’ll kill you”, Mikey threatens. Looking back, you see Draken and Baji smiling like maniacs, which only scared the guy further. “Let’s go babe” Mikey giggled while pressing a quick kiss to your cheek and dragging you away with his bright smile adorning his face.

⊹ KEN RYUGUJI (DRAKEN)

You and Ken were on a small date to nearby park and he had run to get something for y’all to eat from a food truck down on the other side of the parking lot. You were too busy admiring your boyfriend to notice the guy in a gang uniform walking your way. You were only made aware of his presence once he took a seat next to you on the wooden park bench and slung one of his arms over your shoulders, catching you off guard. “Hey pretty girl, bet you would have more fun with me than with any guy that would leave a girl like you all alone.”, the man voiced suggestively. “I’m not—”, but he wasn’t letting you finish your sentence. “C’mon baby, don’t be mean.”, he interrupted in an almost threatening tone. You quickly tried to pull him off of you but he caught your hands and held your wrists with a grip that was sure to leave bruises. “Get the hell off of me”, you shrieked, trying to force yourself out of the man’s grasp. Suddenly the man was being yanked off of you full force by none other than your devilishly handsome boyfriend. Ken had the man on the ground face down and was stepping on his head. “Who they hell ‘re you to be harassing my girl like that? And your a member of Toman? We don’t like shits like you in our gang.” Ryuguji’s loud voice rang, and you couldn’t be more grateful to your man who was now flashing a smile your way, and the look you knew meant he was asking if you’re ok.

⊹ BAJI KEISUKE

Your classes get out about 10 minutes before Baji’s do, so per usual you were sitting on a bench outside of the school waiting to meet up with your boyfriend and go out together. Except today, you can feel someone looking at you and you look up to see a guy gawking at you. Then you looked a little longer and realized that he was also a fellow Toman member as you’ve seen him at meetings before, he’s a member of Mucho’s division. Aparently the man noticed you watching him because he got up from where he was sitting and marches his way over looking pretty confident. “Hey baby? I saw you watching me, not shocking that a pretty girl like you would want someone like me.”, he beamed, sounding way too confident for his own good. “Yah no, not interested dude. I just noticed that you are in the same gang as my boyfriend cuz’ I’ve seen you at the meetings before.”, you replied with a look of disgust adorning your features. The man wasn’t too happy about your attitude though, as he grabbed your wrist, forcing you to stand up. The moment he tried to corner you against the brick wall of the school building, however, he gets punched in the jaw, sending him to the ground beside you. You weren’t exactly suprised to see Baji, as now it is the usual time you two leave. “If it wasn’t for you being a Toman member I would have hit you a lot harder than that”, Keisuke spits out, looking down at the guy with that stupidly attractive smirk you love to see. “Thanks baby! Let’s go, I’m not wasting anymore time here, I want to hangout with you now.”, you giggled while pressing a quick kiss to your boyfriends temple and dragging him away from the barely conscious guy on the pavement. “Seriously though, thank you for saving me love”, you repeat once you’ve gotten farther away from the school. “Nobody is going to get away with pulling some shit like that with me around, I promise.”, Baji replies with softness adorning his features.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #tokrev #tokyo revengers x reader #sanzu haruchiyo x reader #tokyo rev #tokyorev #sanzu haruchiyo #taiju x reader #manjiro sano #baji scenarios #tokrev baji #mikey x takemichi #draken x reader #draken #tokyo rev fluff #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev x you #sano manjiro #tokrev spoilers #tokyo manji gang #tokyo revengers headcanons #tokyo revengers manga #tr spoilers #hanma shuji

[wispforever]

📂 gotta get your madara takes

he doesn't use labels, but madara's got no fucken gender. he's like that meme where you ask the villain what's in their pants and they're like "doom"

I like to think that after izuna dies, madara talks to him a lot while he's doing everyday things. He'll ask izuna what he should have for breakfast or if it's time to dust around the house. He says goodnight and good morning to izuna, tells him about hashi, basically just airs out his thoughts and feels better knowing that izuna is informed. He doesn't intend to do this where anyone can hear, but hashirama knows about it

madara and hashirama's friendship is autistic solidarity

During the time madara sits in the cave hooked up to the gedo statue, the time he spends sleeping, he's actually spending time in the smaller version of the infinite tsukuyomi genjutsu he showed obito (I'm writing a fic about this)

hashirama comes over to madara's house often to tend to his neglected plants. he thinks madara is bad at taking care of them, but really madara leaves them unwatered so hashirama will continue to visit, and he enjoys hearing hashirama's advice for keeping each of the different plants happy

madara doesn't feel a strong attachment to his clan lineage unlike most of the other members of the uchiha

he and mito were friends and they talked about hashirama ALL the time

hashirama and madara both have never cut their hair because they have a long-standing bet over whose can grow the longest

madara's totally got imposter syndrome and profound self esteem issues (i could write a fucking essay on this. ANYONE can fight me)

while he was staying in the leaf village, madara kept things with tobirama civil despite his deep resentment toward him for killing izuna. to respect hashirama was to respect his family, and he believed that if the roles were reveresed, hashirama would have honored izuna

hashirama and madara wrestle all the fucking time for fun and tobirama gets pissed because they're like "it's fine it's fine we're just playing" but then someone gets thrown through a wall. mito's always chasing them outside like "not on my fucking scrolls get out in the grass you crazy bastards"

madara's real laugh is obnoxious. he snorts and wheezes and carries on, but only hashirama can get him to laugh that way

no one knows it (cuz he's fucking gay), but madara is a total bitch for cliche romantic gestures. flowers? hand holding? old-timey slowdancing? it's hashi's fault. he's stupid and madara loves it. on a related note, madara's super power is being able to take any romantic gesture and perform the mental acrobatics necessary to explain it in a platonic context. this works for them because hashirama just thinks madara isn't ready to talk about their relationship out loud. But in reality hashirama is like "I love you" (I love him romantically) and madara is like "I love you too" (wow he is such a good friend, I better not ever let him know I'm gay for him I don't wanna ruin this). they're both idiots is what I'm saying

he engages in old man activities and does old man things when he's not out on missions. he reads quietly and sits in the sun, takes naps in the middle of the day, bird watches, goes for walks. my god he's depressed just let him be exhausted

he totally babysat tsunade and he did SUCH a good job. more responsible caregiver than hashirama could EVER be

Madara is the most patient human being on this entire goddamn planet. see had hashirama as a life long companion, did not kill tobirama who is a prick besides being the object of madara's undying hatred, actually tried to live in the leaf village despite the obvious discrimination, had zetsu as henchman for over a decade, did not bitch obito out Even Once, etc etc

#ask #anon #this is wisp #naruto #ask game #headcanons #this turned into hashimada headcanons didn't it #lol please im sorry i can't control myself #how can i talk about madara without talking about hashirama #its impossible spare my life #this is so long #I could write about him foreveR

[n1kigirlfriend]

ENHYPEN BEING CAUGHT STARING AT YOU AT A MUSIC SHOW

Type-Fluff and comedy

Warnings-light swearing ,nothing else

heeseung-a thousand things rushing in his head. “Did I make it too obvious?” “Am I going to have a life after this?”

Yeah he’s on full panic mode

“Haha you like that girl don’t you?” Riki says

Hee just freezes

No actually freezes.

“Hyung?” Riki said

“Are you okay, are you having a heart attack ,do I need to call 911” (or whatever’s the korean emergency number is) ya really supportive

“You know I was joking right?”

“Of course” hee says coming back to life

Bro was on the verge to move to Canada or something

jay

Gets mad

“You’re planning your wedding with y/n, aren’t you?” jungwon (I had to put jungwon lol)

“You know we are meant to win a award for music not being in love” jungwon said

“YAHHH” jay said

“Let me live” jay said annoyed

And continues staring at you talking to your members while jungwon giggles at jay

jake

Doesn’t know what’s happening

“ENHYPEN WINS AGAIST KEP1ER!!!(sorry kep1er) the mc screams

All the enha boys go up except jake

Mans in a another planet thinking your beautiful smile

“jake!” jay hisses

And the camera man zooms on jake and his bigass smile

jay had to come down stage a drag jake’s ass up while the all the other groups including yours laughs at him

And doesn’t even stop staring at you until jay slaps him

“Jake, can you explain why you weren’t staring at y/n?” The mc says

“Uhhh I wasn’t I was looking for the members” jake laughs

“But we were next to you” sunoo says

And you were laughing so loud the mc the mic had to be turned up

“I think I need glasses” jake awkwardly said

And to this day it’s one of the most popular memes out there

sunghoon

Plays it cool

While giving his speech he was looking at a certain someone aka you

“Sooo can you explain why you looking at y/n sunghoon” jake said

And sunghoon just relises he’s on live tv so he lies

“I’m not looking at y/n,I’m looking in her eyes reflection so I can see how handsome I am while giving this amazing speech”

“Of course you wouldn’t know because no one is more handsome than me” sunghoon said snottyly

his ego is bigger than a buliding

sunoo

He’s not even going to try

“Who are you looking at sunoo?”

Sunoo just sighs and hides he’s face for the rest of they say

(sorry it’s short)

jungwon

Ahhhh leader won

“Y/n sunbae look at jungwon he’s in love, he needs you, he’s thinks your the most prettiest girl in the world ,(cuz you are) he’s going to ask you out say ok!!!” Heeseung exposes jungwon

Jungwon turns red and covers heeseungs mouth

“You going to expose me!” Jungwon hisses

“So it’s true you like y/n”

“Im telling everyone”

Heeseung giggles

“Uhhhh look ramen” jungwon nervously says

Wonnie is saved hee likes ramen

riki

*sigh* just read it

“Oh my gosh” sunoo yelped

“You are staring at y/n, you like love her!” sunoo excitingly says

“Just because I look at someone for one sec doesn’t mean I want to date them ,kiss them ,and live my entire life with” Riki says

“Yeah but you’ve been looking at y/n for 40 minutes straight”

“How do you know that?” Riki asked

“Unless you were looking at me and think I’m handsome!” riki exclaimed

“WHAT NO” sunoo yelled

“I knew it” “ I should be the visual” Riki said cocky

Sunoo has no words. Boy is speechless. Riki pulled the uno reverse card in him

~thank you for reading this is my first post btw~

•copyright• @je

#enhypen #enha fluff #enha jake #enha sunghoon #enha niki #enha sunoo #enha jay #enha heeseung #enha jungwon #ENHYPEN REACTION BEING CAUGHT STARING AT YOU

[thesinglesjukebox]

SEXYY RED - "POUND TOWN"

They were gonna find out anyway...

[5.69]

Crystal Leww: When I was in high school, I went over to a friend's house to work on a school project together, and she put on "Ms. New Booty" by Bubba Sparxxx. As teenagers, we were absolutely shrieking at that chorus, just like jumping up and down, hyped up on 7-11 Big Gulp soda. It is still one of the most viscerally funny, goofiest, most unserious things I've ever heard in music. I hope that feeling that I bottled up and hold dear to my heart even today is what what teens today felt the first time they heard "my coochie pink, my bootyhole brown!" [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: It was the pound heard 'round the town, and Sexyy Red became an instant star. It's easy to see why: she's having a total blast here while rapping with minimal effort, in a regular talking cadence. She lets out a laugh or two, throws in casual ad-libs, and says some of the most memorable lines of the year. Kanye talking about bleached assholes was always unrelatable; finally, a bootyhole song for the people. [7]

Ian Mathers: Look, I enjoy my trips to Pound Town as much as the next person, I just have some questions about how the Pound Town tourism board is spending their budget. [5]

Nortey Dowuona: This has been Sexyy Red's year, as last year was GloRilla's year, as last year was Doja Cat's year, as last year was Megan Thee Stallion's year, as last year was Cardi B's year... can we just let them all share the next year? I'm really irritated by the way we hype up a new femme rapper for a year, praise them to the roof and back, then give up on them afterwards (remember Chika? Remember Saweetie? Remember Free JT? Remember Maliibu Miitch? Remember Treety? Remember Dreezy?) We let too many mid male rappers get the chance to drop and hog the discourse with either praise or condemnation and seem to forget that women rappers are just as diversely populated and are good as hell. (REMEMBER CUPCAKKE!!!??) I can't even be too positive about this song cuz I know what happened to literally everybody who we were like, "they so good omg we love them, twerking on the runway" -- not doing that shit this year. All you folks pissed about Yachty making Tame Impala Feeding Music use that anger to engage with the next Rapsody album instead. And "Hellcats SRTs" is the actual best song Sexyy Red has ever done, but it's not as memeable. Fuck this. [9]

Alfred Soto: Wary of stanning for female rap artists who wield vulgarity like an épée -- the fandom, depending on its expression, can look an awful lot like exoticizing -- I resisted Sexyy Red. Her conversational tone reminded me what I admire about the Everyperson anonymity of dance singers from Shannon and Bernard Sumner to Katy B and Peggy Gou. I've accepted "Pound Town." Now, about her embrace of Trump... [7]

Taylor Alatorre: "TRUMP TO CITY: DROP DEAD" [2]

Katherine St Asaph: Please note as you read this score that for our 2023 return, we have also re-curved the rating scale, and the YouTube comments are a [-10]. [0]

Leah Isobel: "Pound Town" works wonders as a comedy bit and as an introduction to Sexyy Red's charismatic delivery -- the way she tosses off That One Line and then audibly starts giggling into the next is star power personified. I'm not sure it functions as well as a song as it does a meme, but that's what "SkeeYee" is for. [6]

Michelle Myers: Sexyy Red has better comedic timing than most professional comics. On "Pound Town," she's playful and winky, delivering unhinged lines about scouting Miami for hoochie daddies and exposing her cheating man (love u baby!). [7]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: "My coochie pink, my booty-hole brown" was the first line that made me laugh out loud. The rest of "Pound Town" is a treasure trove of deadpan punchlines, from the withering delivery of "I'm out here in Miami," to the feigned imperative of "come suck a bitch toes," to the fourth wall breaking of "I can't say his name, 'cause he be cheating." The Nicki remix, for what it's worth, is an [8]. [7]

Will Adams: Listening to a song shouldn't make me want to furiously smash Logic's nudge function to get the vocal to actually align to the beat. [2]

Jeffrey Brister: Somewhat less...technically complex than "WAP," but I value directness. There's a lot to be said about clever wordplay and all the other literary techniques you want to reference, but sometimes you just need to hear "come suck a bitch toes" and appreciate the simple beauty of being insanely and candidly horny. [7]

Thomas Inskeep: I've been known to enjoy filth, but you've gotta give me something to latch onto. Filth for the sake of filth is just sad. 2 Live Crew, for instance, were filthy, but they at least sounded like they were having fun. John Waters of course glorified in filth in his early work, and made it art. There's no fun or art in "Pound Town"; Sexyy Red just sounds bored and uninspired, like she's just waiting for this to catch on online so she can start cashing checks. I hope she invests well. [0]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Obnoxious! [8]

Jonathan Bradley: During his career peak, even while he was claiming to be the best alive, Jay-Z would often demur about whether he was actually a rapper. He didn't write anything down; he was a businessman; he would retire any minute now. This disengagement with the expectations of art, the notion that creativity might call someone to account and absorb them into a guild with traditions and limitations, has been resisted by other rappers since: Lil B, for instance, switching from Bay Area sneaker raps to rambling psychedelia or such MCs as Blueface or Teejayx6 severing the links between beat and flow. On "Pound Town," Sexyy Red reminds me of how Chicago drill icon Katie Got Bandz mumbled and smirked through her way through her rhymes, as if she were too dangerous to bother trying to be a rapper. Sexyy Red mumbles here, and cuts her lines off into short, simply rhymed taunts, as if she's too hot or maybe too horny to rap properly. She collapses into a giggle half way through some of these missives, switches to a playful sing-song for others, and breezily apologizes for almost giving away a man who's been sneaking around with her ("I love you baby!"). Despite the brooding piano-led beat, which approaches hook-ups the way Nas did paranoia home invasion in "Shoot Em 'Up," it's fun! Sexyy Red does what she wants; why would she bother putting in the effort of rapping properly? And even if "Pound Town" is more languid and less urgently anarchic than "Born By the River," and perhaps less insistent than "SkeeYee," it still has an important message about which parts of Sexyy Red are pink and which parts are brown. [8]

Brad Shoup: The textbook definition of "it ain't that deep". [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#sexyy red #rap #music #music writing #music reviews #music criticism #the singles jukebox #Youtube

[borathae]

chapter 15

Can’t you like it for me?” he says with big puppy eyes.

You look away.

“You’re being emotionally manipulative here.” shut up girl im loving u too much i cant

“You are playing with fire here, Bunny. Try not to burn yourself”, you grumble.

He chuckles and pecks your cheek.

“I like the burn”, he rasps against the shell of your ear, turning to the front afterwards.

SHUT UP IM CANT TAKE IT. try not to lose your shit challenge- mission failed successfully

He treated you so goddamn fucking well that sometimes you still felt the urge to punch him in the face and run away jk in the corner, i'll take that as a compliment

Lately the latter have become more and more. YAY

“Hey kiddo. How are you doing?” he says in a surprisingly deep voice for such a small frame. me with felix and taehyung

“for half a million bucks I expect to have the painter constantly working on it in a metal cage in the middle of my living room or something.” - ........ - a few bystanders had heard you and were now looking at you with weird eyes. SHUT UP THATS SOO ME except my voice would be low and nobody would hear but could be loud too cuz universe makes it louder at times when u dont want anyone to hear shit

although he was stressed and exhausted he never once smelled of alcohol. AHHHH IM SO PROUD OF HIM *gives a big ass hug and a smooch

WHY DOES NERO'S SHOULDERS LOOK FAMILIAR TO HER AND WHY DOES SHE LOOK FAMILIAR TO HIM AHHH STOP I HATE IT THIS CHAPTER IS A ROLLERCOASTER

again a fluffy moment after the tense thank you, her threatening to buy green and purple pillows PLZ that sounds like me trying to threaten my parents by telling them im gonna marry a cat crazy dude

“I’m not asking for it. I am very much anti punishment uwu i love this stupid noodle

He swallows heavily, “a-are we going to make out now?” he asks, grasping for your hips. he is such a cute and horny noodle pls and no u are about to cringe for the rest of your office time

FUCK GET YOURSELF A MAN WHO CAN FIGHT FOR YOU IMMEDIATELY

“don’t say that what the hell my cock twitched.”

“I am not going to apologize because I am way too turned on to care.”

He looks from side to side with the tip of his nose rosy.

“What’s with the sudden horniness oh my god?”

“It’s just that I never really saw you work before and it’s kinda doing things to me.” SAME HERE IM FEELING IM WATCHING SOME HOT CEO FROM KDRAMA BUT EVEN BETTER AAAAH

It makes his ass cheeks tense up and forces a quiet whimper from between his lips. SHUT UP SHUT UP HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON FROM THIS MOVE ON WITH MY DAILY LIFE????? VANESSA HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LAUGH LOVE IN THESE SITAUTIONS ??

I REPEAT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LAUGH LOVE IN THESE SITUATIONS??? JIWOO SOUNDS SIERIOUS OH SHIT NOW SHE KNOWS AAAH

WHY IS SHE CONNECTING THE DOTS SOMETIMES CHARACTERS SHOULD BE DUMB PLEASEEEE also why is there a group of people surrounding kook??? 👀

the whole thing was soo tense i sweated through my shirt now im a stinky kid -_- BUT WE LOVED IT the emotions was captured soo well and he was supportive yet very unsupportive if your brain's going haywire with an anxiety/panic attack

Twirling him threw him straight into subspace. *insert meme i hope i dont fall, her: twirls him kook : oh no mommy

the mom is sweet AND I CANT STAND THE DAD UGHHH

i prayed for her to not go to the mirror AND SHE DID NOO its really the worst thing to do during a panic attack :(

that was soo scary even i felt the uncontrollable demons while reading and thanks it ended on a good note and it was cute.

anyways i wish her a great day next morning(tho the story has ended) cuz them muscles be hurting like a bitch oof

Me reading through all your reactions:

hahahahha I love how you went on an emotional rollercoaster with this chapter jfdjsf also you quoting so many parts is my weakness hehehe thank you so much for doing that

BROORORORO THE TWIRLING PART WAS THE ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES I WENT "oh fuck i have a mommy kink" LIKE IDK IF YOU GUYS KNOW BUT AAOL WAS MY MOMMY KINK AWAKENING FADSFAHH

#asks: aaol #asks #minusback #tw: long post

[shapeshiftinterest]

Gold Stars: roxy and chica, roxy and sun and moon

based on THIS comic i drew 

first half of the summary based on the ‘there are many benefits to being a marine biologist’ meme

there are many benefits to helping out at superstar daycare, validation through stickers is one of them

story under the read more

Gold Stars (also on ao3)

Roxy’s ears twitched as her friend slid into the seat across from her.

“Hey, Roxy!”

She glanced at her phone, putting it down to lean on the table. “Hey, Chica.”

The guitarist was about to take a bite of her pizza when she paused, seeing something shiny on the other. “What’s that?”

“Huh?”

Chica gestured with her slice. “On your chest plate.”

Roxy looked down. “Oh this?”

She beamed, tail wagging. “Sun and Moon gave it to me yesterday, cool right?”

Within the past few months, management had noticed some problems with the set up in Superstar Daycare. The exposed wires, cables everywhere, lack of supplies etc. So to save money be as efficient as possible with their ever so ‘limited funds’, the higher ups had decided to have the Glamrocks help out every so often.

Freddy was supposed to go first but had been unable, due to a few unforeseen events involving 5lbs of smuggled in glitter, a birthday cake, and some hacked staffbots. So while he was finishing up repairs, Roxy had volunteered to fill in for his day.

Chica squinted and read the sticker out loud. “P...awe...some...Job...” Her eyes brightened. “Awww. Bwa-cawk! Lucky!”

She shoved another slice, pineapple this time, down her throat. “Now I kinda want one, haha.”

Roxy leaned back in her seat, flicking through some filters.

“Aren’t you helping them out today? I got mine cuz I cleaned all the balls from the ballpit for 2 whole days.”

She snapped a few selfies before turning the phone’s camera towards Chica and scrolling through more filters. “Everyone in the ‘Plex knows how much you practice after hours. I’m sure Sun and Moon’ll give you one too since you work so hard.”

“...”

Roxy looked up from her phone to see her friend happily squishing her cheeks (and getting pizza oil stains all over her white casing). “What?”

“Roxyyyy! That’s so sweet of you to say!”

She groaned dramatically, tilting her head back. “Uuuuuggghhh. Shut uuupppp, it wasn’t!”

“It waaaasss~”

Roxy leaned back even more and playfully kicked at the other’s leg warmers. “Whatever, just eat your damn pizza, you egg.”

Chica stuck her tongue out and laughed, making Roxy roll her eyes and go back to her phone with a smile.

#my words #my fanfic #shapeshiftinterest #games #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #roxanne wolf #roxy #chica #sun #sundrop #moon #moondrop #friends #pre friendship for sun and moon with the glams #food #wolves #chickens #animals #robots #i usually headcanon sun and moon as he/theys #if they’re more they/them in this fic does that mean it passes the bechdel test? lol

[m-joys]

Hi! How are you? Hope you are doing good (:

Can I get a TMNT romantic match up please?

She/they, INFP, curly short hair+ freckles and beauty marks, rosy checks, chubby/curvy, 5’9, shy but friendly, Loud w friends, nerdy, like memes, books, animated movies, painting, drawing-artistic stuff. My friends says I’m very funny! I have one of those obnoxious funny laughs you don’t see it coming from a mile away (im usually kinda quiet, unless I trust you/ I’m comfortable with you, then I’m making tons of jokes) but anyways, the kind of laugh that it makes others laugh from just hearing it? So yeah abbrjgkdkdn, my mom and sister says I’m sort of like a cat, usually very closed off but deep down a softie. Secretly a hopeless romantic, affectionate, but I hide my love side out of fear for being rejected, I’m very good with kids and animals, I get flustered SO easily (it’s a pain. In the ass bfbgjdksks) got depression and anxiety, but I love hanging out with friends, I’m always down to comfort ppl, listen, give advice if they need to, I sometimes need my space but at the same time I think I kinda need someone who reassures me I’m not a bother or that they still like me, (friendships and relationships) otherwise I will create conspiracy theories against myself lmao, oh! also understand non verbal language cuz it’s hard for me to open up, I Hope this is enough? thank you!

note:Aaaa i forgot to specify which TMNT version, honestly you can choose? I adore bayverse, 2012 and rottmnt! Choose Whoever you think fits best, thank you again and sorry in advance

No worries, I think your best match would be Bayverse Donnie

I feel like the fact that your so affectionate and care a lot about people, yet manage not to cross any boundaries and going at it at a comfortable pace, makes Donnie take an instant liking to you that at first would appear as just liking to hang out with you.

It may take a couple of months for him to realise and come to terms with his feelings and even longer for you two to get together, but ever since youve met you can bet that he'll treat you the way you deserve(with loths of love and appreaciation)

The thing you would bond over the most would be a mutual like/dislike of a certain media like a book or a movie. He loves having passionate conversations about mutual topics so If you can match his energy consider him blind with love from that moment on

He understands that you need comfort but value your own space and will resoect it since hes also kinda like that. Will make sure that youre okay and are not over-burdening yourself with others problems. Makes sure you drink and sleep enough, do things you enjoy and to give you some loving when you need it.

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2014 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt donnie #tmnt donnie x reader #bayverse turtles #bayverse donatello #bayverse donnie

[moonspower]

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

🍰 CAKE SLICE - favourite cake flavour? are they specific about types of cakes?

🌺 HIBISCUS - do they have any allergies?

✨@countlessrealities. meme. still accepting!

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

for all of his need to encourage other people, virote actually struggles with displaying positive emotions and also coming to terms with them for himself. virote has a very, very big case of Sad Clown Syndrome™ and ya hate to see it. he's always making other people laugh and smile, but it's really hard to get him there… lol. like i just went through his entire history as a muse on this site and searched up through every blog and he laughs less than 10 times out loud in a thread. it almost makes him seem humorless, but that's ridiculous because possesses humor…. too much humor. he's a lil too silly at times lgfdjgd. you've seen his clown antics on dash!

due to mental illness, he's definitely experiencing some sort of emotional blunting and just his personality in general fights him on that.

he just never laughs. it's just not something he does.

he admitted rick makes him laugh tho. 👀

anyway it's kinda hard to tell where his emotional issues + misery starts and where his general laidback sense of self-expression starts / ends. sucks for him tho cuz he's so sweet and is always making sure everyones having a good time. It's The Trauma, I Guess-._.-._.-

anyway. sometimes virote feels overwhelming amounts of joy and it freezes him and that kills him a little on the inside at times, that he doesn't know how to parse through happiness.

🍰 CAKE SLICE - favourite cake flavour? are they specific about types of cakes?

vi doesn't eat cake that often, but when he does he usually gravitates towards matcha / green tea cake and he doesn't like it to be too packed with sugar because he likes earthy flavors in his sweets. his go to matcha cake recipe is two tiers with fresh strawberries and a berry compote in the middle with the liiiiightest layer of cream on the outside. and a lot of matcha powder for the cake itself—maybe a lil bit too much matcha for many people.

other flavors he likes are... honey-lavender, pumpkin, ginger-lemon, salted macademia. he also likes a good tofu cheesecake. his tofu cheesecake slaps.

🌺 HIBISCUS - do they have any allergies?

virote doesn't have any allergies, but super cheap stretch velvet makes him itchy!

#🌙 ABOUT! CANCERIAN SUN SHINING IN THE EVENING. #countlessrealities #/ he is Too Full of Life to have such poor emotional regulation i swear.