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sleepyboisinc · 4 years

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soo,,, the secret au huh?

its a band au. its a fucking band au. im posting this super impulsively, and it has no editing i think so if there are any mistakes,,,, fuck it idc

also this ends in a sort of cliffhanger i was gonan write more but i got tired of writing and never got the motivation to again im sorry lul

this au isnt just by me, theres other ppl involved in it too!! mainly bad timezone gang in technohive but others also helped :)

anywaysyysyshdhsh yea read if u want to ig

wilbur soot was discovered by a record label when he was 15 after he wrote the squid song. they didn't care that the lyrics were objectively bad, it was wilbur’s voice that grabbed their attention. they interviewed him and decided that they were gonna give him a chance. wilbur, who had always dreamed of being a singer, jumped at the opportunity. the interview went very well. they even asked him to sing a few songs and he nailed it. however, he wasn’t perfect. he still needed some vocal training. they spent an entire day discussing and signing paperwork. the label ended up arranging for wilbur to attend music classes to enhance his voice and get better at the guitar.

time-skip about 3 years. wilbur is 18 and is phenomenal at singing and the guitar. he starts going to uni and meets his roommate, an american student named technoblade who plays the violin. wilbur and techno quickly become friends, bonding over music and other mutual interests like video games. techno plays mini gigs on the street and at bars close to campus to make some money for himself. particularly at a little bar called “the harpy’s nest”

one day, wilbur gets bored sitting at home alone, so he goes to watch techno’s gig. he arrives halfway through the set and watches for about 5 minutes. after the gig is over, he watches as techno interacts with the bartender, a young man only slightly older looking than the two of them. techno notices wilbur and calls him over, introducing him to the bartender, philza. the two immediately hit it off and by the end of the night, they’ve exchanged numbers and a promise to meet up phil’s next shift.

over the next few months, the trio became best friends. wilbur learns that phil plays the drums and has several eps. one ep in particular, “hardcore2” blew up a bit in their general area and phil gained a bit of traction as a musician. the three boys spend most of their time hanging out at wilbur and techno’s dorm, or at phil’s bar. they stay up till ungodly hours playing video games and talking. their other friends dub them the sleepy boys, because of how tired they all are the next day.

however, as the months fly by, the date wilbur is supposed to finish training and write his first songs draws closer. he worries he’s bitten more than he can chew and he wonders if he’s even ready for fame. a month later he is assigned a manager, pete. pete says that his training contract has expired, meaning that he's ready to start writing his album. wilbur says that he needs to think a bit before he starts. pete was about to tell him he can’t have extra time to think because he signed a contract, but seeing the look of stress on wilbur’s face, he allows him 2 days before he starts. wilbur goes on a walk to think. he curses himself for second-guessing himself now. he realizes he doesn’t wanna do this alone. then he thinks of techno and phil.

what if they formed a band? that way he wouldn’t have to do this alone. he’s sure that they'd love to make a band together as well. he goes to them and… they agree. he goes to pete and asks him if they can be a three-piece band. pete says he needs to ask his higher-ups first. wilbur doesn’t hear from pete for 4 days and starts to worry. what if they won’t allow it? it wasn't part of the agreement so they have every right to turn him down. at the end of the fourth day, pete calls him and says that the higher-ups have agreed. they had to choose a group name by the end of 2 days. the trio was over the moon.

this was the start of sleepy bois inc.

their record label wasn’t massive, so the boys took to playing on the streets and in bars to gain some traction. they slowly started gaining recognition and grew faster when they made a youtube channel. they released several eps and a few albums, and gained a following over the next few years.

their first big break came 3 years after the band was formed. they had a decent following, about 50k subs on youtube and slightly less on other platforms. one day, jschlatt from lunch club, a massive boy band, got their music recommended to him on youtube. he’s intrigued and listened to it, and was surprised at how much he liked it. he liked it so much, that he decided to shout them out on twitter.

sleepybois inc’s popularity skyrocketed, and the members of both bands grew close. when lunch club announced their next tour, they revealed that sleepybois inc would open for them. the fans freak out, and many iconic moments and inside jokes form from this tour.

tommy innit was 19 years old and was preparing to become a musician. he was almost done with the 4 years of vocal and keyboard training provided by a record label and had to make a decision: be a solo artist, or join a band. if he chose the band, he has another 2 options: be assigned into a band that already exists under this label or make a new one with people that he knows.

tommy is also a massive fan of lunch club, and sees that jschlatt shouted out a band called sleepybois inc. he likes them a lot and becomes a fan of their stuff too. what tommy didn’t know is that they were at the same label he was training at and were open for a 4th member.

back on the music, tommy ended up going with band. he debated between making a band or being assigned one. after a while, he ended up going with being assigned. he was nervous about this because he'd have to integrate himself into their dynamic and feared that fans won’t like him, but he figured it’d be easier than making his friends all learn instruments.

being assigned a band is a process, so tommy had a couple of months free. during this time, lunch club was on tour with sleepybois inc and tommy got vip tickets to a show. so he went to the meet and greet and gave his number to sleepybois inc saying ”hmu if u need a keyboardist lul” as a joke (this is a very important detail i will include it f u)

so come around the day of tommy getting assigned. he has to do auditions for the bands that the record label selected for him to join. management has narrowed it down to the youngest 2 bands at their label who are open for a member: one of which is sleepybois inc.

it had been a month since tommy interviewed for sleepybois inc. he did pretty well at it, and had been talking to the boys a lot since then. he still hadn’t had news on whether he joined though.

it was 3 am. tommy had been working on school work for hours and had only just managed to finish up for the night. he settled into bed and was about to fall asleep when his phone rang. not bothering to look at who was calling, tommy picked it up

“who the fuck is calling me at 3 in the morning i swear to god-” tommy whispered angrily.

“tommy?” wilbur’s voice rang out “wait shit- this is probably a really bad time im sorry. but we have something important to tell you.”

tommy’s eyes widened.

“we’ve decided that you can join the band”

the band and their label spent a few weeks discussing how they would go about this. they boys decided they would need a name change too, and ended up settling on the name ‘purple pandas’. however, a new member and a name change would practically transform the band completely, so they had to go about announcing this the right way.

they ended up settling on posting a youtube video titled ‘making some changes’. seeing the announcement for this sent fans into a frenzy, frantically tweeting about what it could be. many rumours spread fast and it even got into a few news articles. conspiracies started floating around about what changes could possibly be taking place.

i cant write this shit no more bye

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be-the-spark-flyboy · 4 years

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Could Use Some Love

Call It What You Want (2/?)

Series masterlist

Pairing: Med student!Poe x Reader (college AU)

A/N: This got wayyyy out of hand, and i apologize for nothing. Also this took so long cos i came up with a plot, hated it, then changed the whole plot, hated it again and now i have no plot and im just gonna see where this takes me :( what is canon I don’t her

Chapter summary: Due a broken heater situation, you end up crashing at Rey, Finn and Poe’s residence.

Word count: ~2.7k

You’ve been having an absolutely horrible week. And it is Wednesday. Work had been piling up in your internship firm, as well as in college. You’d barely slept for a total of 3 hours in the last two days and needless to say, you were totally exhausted. You had barely gotten back from work when your supervisor had called you to dump more work on you.

Great, another sleepless night.

Your tiny apartment was eerily quiet without your roommate Jessika. She told you she was staying over at her boyfriend's place for the night. It wasn’t the first time it had happened but, you hated staying alone in your apartment, especially at night.

The snow falling outside and the temperature rapidly falling in your own house did nothing to improve your mood. You pulled you knitted blanket tighter around yourself as another shiver racked through your body from the cold. Was the heater even working? It had been giving you problems for some time now, you were pretty sure it was already working way past its expectancy. You made a mental note to talk to your landlord about it, turning your attention back to your work.

Minutes pass and it only gets colder. Now it got to the point you couldn’t put your feet on the ground without recoiling. It wasn’t a good sign at all. You reach for your fuzzy slippers and pad across the room, still in your blanket, to the thermostat.

The thermostat display was working fine, but it seemed the heater wasn’t. After several minutes of walking back and forth to the heater and thermostat and several google searches later, you come to the conclusion that your heater was broken. And there was nothing you could do about it at this hour.

Your eyes well up from the frustration, a few tears falling. You try taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself, but the cold air only stings your lungs, reminding you of your predicament, mocking you. You go back to the couch, sitting cross-legged and rocking back and forth as you mind reels.

It was too cold for you to spend the night without a working heater. It was times like this that makes you want to smack yourself for not being able to make more friends. All you have is Jessika, who won’t be able to help you out right now, and Rey, who stayed with Finn and Poe in an apartment just nearby. You could ask Rey if you can crash on her couch for the night, but you felt like you were bothering her.

You had never been over to their place, despite knowing them for months now. Finn and Rey had invited you over a few times before but you always had some excuse to not go. You just weren’t that great with people, even if it was people you knew and care about.

You honestly didn’t know why Rey tried so hard to stick around you. You never made it very easy for anyone to be your friend. Your naturally aloof nature had made sure of it. Jessika has been the only one who had stuck around since middle school, and when both of you ended up in the same college, you jumped at the chance to room with your best friend.

You rub your eyes, picking up your phone. The time shows 1 am as your finger hovers above the call button on Rey’s contact. Just do it you have no choice, you try to convince yourself as you hit the call button.

---

The doorbell rings you stuff a few extra clothing and your laptop in a bag, just as Rey had instructed. You go to open the door, wrapped up in an overcoat, and hoping you don’t look as much of a mess as you feel. But Finn catches sight of your puffy red-rimmed eyes and immediately pulls you into a hug. The warmth is welcoming after feeling cold for so long, and you gladly fall into the embrace.

Thankfully Rey was still awake when you called. The second she had picked up the phone, the tears started flowing freely as the stress of the whole week hit you at once. She had managed to calm you down until you sounded coherent enough to tell her what your problem was. Both Rey and Finn were both willing to let you take up the guestroom in their apartment for as long as you needed. Rey told you she was picking you up and Finn had insisted he come along since it wasn’t safe for the two of you to be alone in this weather. They had basically shut down any apologies you sent their way, insisting it wasn’t any trouble for them.

“Rey’s waiting in the car,” Finn informs you. You sling your bag onto your shoulder. “You good to go?”

---

The first thing you noticed when you stepped into the ridiculously large living room, was the cityscape. Tiny lights twinkling in buildings as the snow fell, softer than feathers. It looked like a scene from the movies.

You can’t help the woah that you breathe out at the sight before you. You’re aware of exactly how stupid you look standing there, mouth agape, but you can’t help it. The entire apartment looks gorgeous.

Rey giggles at your expression, dragging you along to the guest bedroom. Which, unsurprisingly, is almost as big as your entire apartment. Settling your things on the table, Rey sits on the bed, gesturing for you to take a seat as well.

“You better now?” She asks flinging an arm around your shoulder. “You can stay here as long as you like, don’t worry I’m not expecting you to pay me or anything.” She jokes. “You know you can ask me if you need anything, right?”

It’s an effort not to start sobbing at her kind words. You lean your head against her shoulder. “You’re too nice to me Rey, not everyone would do this for anyone.”

Rey chuckles, “Firstly, you’re not just anyone, you’re one of us now,” she pulls back, holding your face in her hands. “And secondly, you would do the exact same thing if our positions were reversed.” You just nod, too dumb to say anything.

“Finn and Poe stay upstairs. I haven’t Poe since morning, he locked himself in his room, studying for some test I think,” she engulfs you in a bear hug before getting up. “Just knock on my door if you need anything, I’m right next door. And there are some snacks in the kitchen if you’re hungry. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

---

It is 3 am and Poe, utterly exhausted after an entire day of cramming for his hematology test which was probably still going to kick his ass, finally pulls his headphones off his ears. He thinks he surely looks as tired as he feels. The whole room is a mess of books, notes and granola bar wrappers strewn around, an empty coffee pot and mug on the table. He tells himself he’d clean it up tomorrow, after getting some sleep and food in his system. His stomach growls, reminding him of his hunger again and he collects the coffee pot and the wrappers and sets off to the kitchen to get something to eat before heading to bed.

His phone lays forgotten on his bedside table. He doesn’t feel like picking it up, already anticipating the number of missed texts and calls he would've received from his girlfriend. Studying medicine was hard work and time-consuming. It was easier to just pretend like his phone didn’t exist sometimes rather than try to explain to Sarah why he needed the whole day to study. He’d deal with her wrath later.

Poe sighs heavily treading down the staircase. The living room is dark and empty as expected, but there’s light coming from the kitchen. A small part of him couldn’t help but feel thankful for that. He wasn’t scared of the dark per se, but the recent horror movie had led him to question some of his life decisions. Like whether it was worth being friends with Finn and Rey. He probably would’ve walked out of the theater within less than an hour if you weren’t there, holding his hand. The memory brings a smile to his face.

Imagine his surprise when he sees you. He expected to see Finn or Rey at the kitchen, but there you are sitting at the dining table, a frown on your face as you click away at your laptop.

Was he hallucinating?

—-

You are sitting cross-legged on one of the dining table chairs. Your laptop sat on the table, alongside a few detail plans spread out, as you edit your drawings. The table in the guest room wasn’t big enough to fit the large plan drawings. So you had moved to the dining table since everyone had already gone to sleep.

You feel like you have stepped into an alternate universe where everything feels new to you. The view of the city through the full height glass window was just so breathtaking, but the large living room only feels emptier and somehow colder than your small apartment, even with a working heater. Regardless, you slowly slip into your own rhythm getting more accustomed to the almost eerie silence.

You startle when Poe calls out your name. “What are you doing here?” You look up and oh god he looks adorable. His hair is tousled and he pushes a few curls back from his face trying to tame it. He’s smiling at you, brown eyes sparkling, and it makes you feel all soft and warm inside and- and he just asked you a question. And you are just staring at him like a creep instead of answering.

“Oh, hey Poe!” You try not to cringe at yourself, hoping he hadn’t noticed you staring. Poe grimaces when you explain your whole heater situation to him.

“Well, I hope you’re comfortable,” he says. “Don’t mind me, I’ll be back in my room soon enough,” he smiles again, moving to walk past you. You hear him rummaging around in the kitchen for a few moments.

You mentally slap yourself, feeling like such an asshole. He has a girlfriend, for god’s sake. No matter how much Finn and Rey seemed to hate his girlfriend, you still feel guilty for thinking of Poe as anything other than a friend. You cuddled him in a movie theater, christ. You resist the urge to slap yourself on your forehead. What were you thinking?

For someone who just said ‘don’t mind me’, he makes it pretty hard to ignore his presence. He is back at the table and takes a seat, curiously frowning at the plan laid out before you. His cereal bowl is on the table before him, carefully placed away from the papers you had spread out. You continue your work, trying not to get too distracted by the man beside you.

“What are you doing?” Poe asks you. So you explain to him the long-winded process of the schematic drawing before you and how you need to add in the changes marked out to the 3D model in your laptop. You’re pretty sure you are rambling halfway through it, but Poe seemed to be interested enough, occasionally asking you more questions here and there. Explaining your work becomes complaining about it and soon you find yourself exchanging internship horror stories with him.

Halfway through your conversation, you hear a patter of tiny footsteps and the cutest corgi you’ve ever seen emerges from the hall. Poe immediately perks up at its arrival scooping the ecstatic canine into his arms. “Buddy! Why aren’t you sleeping?” The corgi paws at his shirt, barking and licking his face. Poe laughs, scratching its fur, “I missed you too, buddy.” You can’t take your eyes off the scene unfolding before you, heart swelling at the interaction, you’re sure you’re making heart eyes at them.

Once the corgi calms down enough for Poe to comfortably hold it in his arms, he turns his attention back to you. “This is Beebee,” he introduces his corgi to you, “My son,” You laugh and Beebee tilts his head inquisitively, looking up at you with his sparkling brown eyes. Like father like son, you think.

The bowl of cereal lays forgotten on the table as the two of you continue chatting. Well, he does most of the talking as you continued on with your work, your attention mostly focused on Poe regardless. He absentmindedly pets Beebee, who is now dozing off on his lap.

“He’s a big baby, can’t live alone. Honestly, I think anyone would go insane if they lived here alone,” Poe concludes his story of how Finn had practically begged him and Rey to come to live with him. Poe is your senior by two years and had been staying in a dorm before Finn started college.

“Big baby huh? Says the one who can’t watch a demon on a screen without looking like he’s going to cry,” you snicker, bumping his shoulder with yours.

“They’re just really scary okay? I don’t how you can sleep after watching things like that,”. He grimaces, holding Beebee closer. “Great, now I’m thinking about demons,”

“Oh no! Quick, think about something else,”

“About what? Ask me something,”

“Um... okay, how did you meet Finn and Rey?” you ask him.

“Oh that’s a long story,” and so he begins the tale of how both his parents, Shara Bey and Kes, were in the Air Force where they met and fell in love and-

“Wait, are you giving me your entire biography?” You interrupt him.

“No no, it’s relevant, trust me,” he assures you before continuing. Queue the entrance of a new character named Han, who was their best friend and was married to Leia Organa, who would become his godmother-

“Wait, Leia Organa?” You gasp, “Senator Organa is your godmother?”

“Great so you’ve heard of her-” you don’t even let him finish his sentence again.

“Heard of her? I've been a huge fan since the time she crushed the Vader dude during that debate,” he chuckles before continuing.

The story takes a somber turn when he tells you that his mother passed away due to an illness when he was 8 years old. He quickly skims over that part before telling you about going to live with his godmother in an obscenely rich neighborhood, since his father was away too much due to his work. Leia’s son Ben, apparently, was the resident asshole of the place, who hated Poe for reasons unknown to him. So Poe had resorted to making friends with the two younger children living across the house instead.

It’s an endearing story, which could’ve been told with lesser detail, in half the time. But you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy listening to him talk.

It’s a miracle that you are almost done with your work. Its almost 4.30 am and it occurs to you that you’ve been keeping Poe for quite some time. You see him trying to stifle a yawn in between words as he tries to narrate the story of how Finn had broken his arm trying to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night.

“Poe, don’t you have classes in the morning? Don’t you need to sleep?”

Poe feigns offense, “Am I boring you?”

“No,” you laughed. “I stay up all alone sometimes, and it gets very lonely, so thank you for keeping me company.” You answer sincerely. You are pretty sure Poe is beaming, but that could also be the side effect of not getting much sleep for days. Well at least you can sleep in tomorrow, and the guestroom bed looked really inviting. “But, you also really need to sleep,”

“Well my classes only start after lunch tomorrow- I mean today, so I still have time to sleep,” he stifles another yawn with the back of his hand. “Actually, you’re right, I need to sleep,”

BB8 is asleep, snoring lightly on his lap when he finally relents. He scoops up the corgi in one hand and the mostly empty bowl of soggy cereal on the other, dropping it in the kitchen sink.

“Good night, or is it morning already?” He flashes you a grin that makes your insides flutter.

You chuckled, “See you later, Poe,”

You’re so fucked.

---

The Dameron taglist (open):

@writefightandflightclub @arkofblake @yougottakeeponkeepinon @multifandomlife22 @skymerons @smol-peter-parker @rae-rae-patcha @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol @spider-starry @hkmultifandom

#poe dameron #poe x reader #poe fluff #poe dameron au #college au #starwars au #poe dameron fanfiction #Starwars fanfic #me:im gonna keep this short and sweet #also me:i need to explain e v e r y t h i n g #Is this good or absolute trash #i can no longer tell #that ending was so abrupt urgh

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airybby · 4 years

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Love in the Air

Part 2

a/n um yes i am alive hello this took a while n honestly im just being impatient bc i want to get further into the story where its more fun for, um, reasons but im very excited for it!!

1.2k words - Love in the Air Masterlist

It was easier to talk to Akaashi than you thought it would be, and It was comfortable being around him. Once you were able to get over the enchanted stupor he would put you under you found how truly relaxing his presence was. You’d still find your eyes naturally draw towards him when you were together, but just as often you’d catch him silently staring towards you. You got to understand how he melded so well with his group of friends, and how he managed to get along so well with Bokuto. You got to know him and it was so much more than you had originally thought.

At first, as much as he was captivating, he was - at least had seemed - placid and distant and the more the two of you would meet up to put everything together the more you realized that his tranquil nature was truly just surface level.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to include this bit in it?” you asked him. The dinner was only a few days away, and the gift near finished save for a few minor details you were adding together.

“Yes, if we changed it at all it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t really sound like Konoha if he wasn’t picking at Bokuto a little bit,” he said sipping his now lukewarm coffee. “This is his nicer version, too, because I told him it is a gift that everyone will see.”

“How kind of him,” you said while adding the final touches to the file on your laptop.

He watched you as you worked, your latte cold and half-finished pushed to the other side of the table. You turned to meet his gaze and smiled.

“You know, it might be kind of funny if we just, didn’t add his bit to it for getting it to you so last minute.”

Akaashi grinned at the thought. “He would say his piece either in this or in front of everyone during the reception in a toast.”

“Exactly, it’d be funny,” you said.

“For everyone except Bokuto.”

“Has that stopped you all before?”

“No, not really,” he laughed.

You worked on finishing the video together, trying not to think about how after this you didn’t have an excuse to meet up with him like this as frequently anymore, and once the wedding was over none at all. All that could really be hoped for was that he wouldn’t turn down going out to get coffee together once the wedding was over and that you could maintain whatever friendship you’d build over the last few weeks.

“I’ll miss this,” you thought as you began packing your laptop and heading towards the exit together. You’d miss how refreshing and easy it was to just talk with him and have fun. How he would think things through carefully and then miss something completely obvious. Every time you would have your meetings for the gift at the coffee shop he became less a fascinating enigma and more real, and the more you found yourself charmed by him. Heading home wasn’t really what you wanted to do right now.

“I’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner,” you said as you waved your goodbye to him. “Thanks for putting this together with me.”

“Yeah of course,” he paused looking as if he wanted to say more, his fingers fidgeting down at his side. “Actually, can I ask you for a favor?”

His unease heavy enough that it was showing slightly in his face was… interesting to say the least. It wasn’t often that you’d see him so obviously unsure.

“What favor?” you asked, more curious about why he seemed so uncomfortable than whatever favor he needed.

“Would you mind being my date for the dinner and the reception?”

Not quite the favor you were expecting

“I’m really kind of tired of the boys, mostly Kuroo and Bokuto, pestering me about asking someone,” he continued. “And I really don’t want Hana to go out of her way to push me to ask someone she finds. It also will be easier because we have to do so much together and help with the wedding.”

“Sure.” You said as you burst into giggles at his sudden rant. “It would honestly save me from the same fate if Hana had found out I didn’t have a plus one yet.”

“Great,” he sighed. “I’ll see you at dinner in a few days.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”

---------

The rehearsal dinner was stressful, but it was a lot of fun. You enjoyed seeing your best friend so happy, and you knew she’d be calling you later with the look she gave when she saw you walk in with Akaashi.

Once everyone finished eating you asked Akaashi to go and set up the projector as you asked for everyone’s attention.

“This is a little gift from the rest of us to the two of you. I got pictures and recordings of everyone sharing stories and memories they’ve shared with the both of you and wishing you both the best in the future. We’re all really happy for the two of you.” you finished with a smile and sat down, Akaashi taking the seat next to you as the short video began to play.

It was great to see everyone enjoying it, and the warm smile Hana had the whole time it played. Once the video finished and everyone was getting ready to leave she made her way over to you and held you in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I couldn’t have asked for a better maid of honor.”

“Don’t think I didn’t see you tearing up while you watched it,” you said as you handed her a USB with a copy of it for her to keep. You laughed as she smacked your shoulder, her own giggles joining in.

“By the way, when you get home later you’re going to call me and you’re telling me absolutely everything,” she said with a devious grin, glancing towards Akaashi who stood a few feet away. You rolled your eyes.

“Of course,” you said as you gave her a quick hug goodbye and turned to walk back to Akaashi.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

“Yeah”

The walk home with him was peaceful and the night was cool. Akaashi glanced down at you as he walked you home, your grin never leaving your face.

“In a good mood?” he questioned, watching as you turned to look at him.

“Yeah, I’m glad that everyone really seemed to love the video.” you beamed. Your heart felt full and warm, but more than how well your little surprise went, you were glad that you were allowed to have this short moment on your way home with him.

“Mmm, me too,” he said. “Bokuto is a generally cheerful and happy person, but the only other times I’d see him smile like that were at Hana.”

“Yeah, it was nice to see,” you whispered as you approached the doors to your apartment. “Thank you, for helping me with it. And walking me home.”

“Of course,” he said as he watched you turn to open your door. “Once the wedding is over we should meet up and get lunch together.”

You almost dropped your keys in surprise at the thought, but looked back at him and smiled.

“I’d really like that.”

Tag List <3

@sleepyhaikyuuu @chi-chanmoosedrip @akaashit-baeji @fern-writes-ig @skyguy-peach @gulfwanq @mochi-poof @akaashichigo @keijilovebot @whalien52dreams @cold-and-cold @marvels-supernaturalsherlock @yusemis @drainedjaz @aizawa-sh0ta @hqmakkitrash @spudicide @asranomical @hakueishirei @akiiyukii @strawbrieshortcake @briswriting @pineapplekween @sosugasweet @macaronnv @agaassi @chxrry-wxne

Tag list is open just let me know!

#Love in the Air #part 2 finally done hehe #still feel much anxiety writing this and posting it ahahahaha #but im happy with it i guess #writing it tho my brain felt like putty doo doo #part 3 shouldnt take too long n is mostly wedding fluff so itll be fun #pt 4 tho...#hehe #no spoilers tho #any guesses?#akaashi keiji #akaashi #akaashi x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu

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vampyrly · 3 years

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: / i need any help and/or validation for a situation im dealing with

ok heads up this is going to be potentially very long to read and get through, like possibly 10 minutes at most but it is detailed and information heavy, i dont want to leave anything out

if anyone knows me/knows me on twitter and has seen my tweets where i've detailed the bullshit my roommate has done in the past you'll know i dont particularly like their presence based on their immature and gross antics. well ladies and gentlemen just when i thought they couldn't possibly sink any lower as a person, they pulled through the shit olympics and won gold.

my roommate has a cat, they had it prior to moving in and on their account the cat has been by their side 24/7. it is very attached and has most definitely developed a form of separation anxiety because of this. there hasnt been an issue with how often they stay with their cat up until recently... their girlfriend got her own apartment and over the past few months my rm has been staying with her 24/7. as in, is practically never in the apartment. they only come back to refill their cats food/water and is immediately out the door again. occasionally they will sleep overnight but after that they are back out the door.

as anyone who understands cats or animals in general would realize, this is essentially neglecting a cat, one you have gone from being with every day, to essentially never seeing. and this was not gradual, it was a damn near sudden change. you can probably imagine this is putting a lot of confusion and stress on the cat. over time, the cat has reacted more physically. they have become prone to crying by the door, biting the gf's toes, glaring at her (i guess), and such.

now, about a week ago, the cat had bitten my roommate incredibly hard to the point of drawing a lot of blood. apparently this was so traumatic to the rm that they now refuse to even be in the same room with the cat (there have only been a handful of times where they've slipped into the room to grab an essential and shimmy back out) so much so that they brought an air mattress, set it up in the living room, and is now temporarily sleeping there. no, im not joking.

now im not going to go into detail about why this buildup from the cat occurred, i think it should be pretty obvious already why, but to my rm, they fully believe this behavior is aggressive and unusual. as in, this cat had malicious, negative intent to do harm on its owner. its owner which, up until months ago, they were so attached to and clearly loved. as a friend has pointed out, this isnt signaling aggression. this is signaling a need to get attention in any way possible. their own cat had scratched them up so bad to the point they almost had to go to the ER, but it wasnt because the cat was aggressive, it just thought it was playtime! the case is different here yes, because unlike my rm the friend actually takes care and gives attention to their cat, so this was a very rare occurrence. simply put, this cat is lacking so much stimulation, attention, and basic interaction that this, to me, felt like a last resort. because clearly, the constant cries of sadness wasnt doing anything for them. they're currently in the process of rehoming the cat and will permanently ditch it on the 28th. thats still another 5 fucking days of this cat being in these neglected conditions, and thats not counting when this started, which was 17th, 18th if were being generous on account of me misremembering the date of events because who can blame me so much has already happened its becoming difficult to keep track.

a cat that they up until this point loved and gave attention to as apparent by them claiming she is for emotional support, is being thrown out of their life without remorse over one instance of """aggression""" (dont make me explain why it wasnt again.)

my roommate knows full and well that they have every ability and every second on their hands to bring the cat with them to the gf's apartment but guess what? they simply choose not to do so! i guess those toes getting bitten was so traumatic because oh yeah may i add, the girlfriend is a massive enabler of the roommate and sees absolutely no issue to the actions they are taking in response. i doubt they even tried to properly warm the cat up to a person who is a newcomer to the relationship. im sure they both think in their heads that this is the most responsible thing they can do as pet owners and that they're such good people for rehoming a cat they cant take care of anymore. yes, nothing more responsible than neglecting an animal that needs social interaction as much as that one in particular is in dire need of. responsible pet owners would have never let it escalate to such a point, i'll have you know.

my roommate has done a lot of bullshit that has made me want to pull my hair out, but at the very least, it didnt involve a living creature. this however draws a line as i refuse to stand for animal neglect simply because im an outsider and have no direct say in the situation. i've taken as much action as i possibly can, phoning and texting and emailing as many people as i possibly can. i hesitate to say this is straight up animal abuse because as firm as i can be i try to give people the benefit of the doubt BUT. i will say that every single person i have relayed all of this info to thus far has told me that this is grounds for animal abuse.

yesterday i ran into my rm and they told me "heyyy sorry about her crying constantly, its just not possible for me to be in there whatsoever!" and when i asked if they have someone refilling the bowls and litter on their behalf they said "nope just me" ????????? simultaneously on the same day i said fuck it, i am going to break out the secret key i have to their room to check on the cat. yes i have a key to their room, i have never used it until now and if you want to ignore everything thus far to give me some shit about trust or whatever consider: i dont fucking care. as it turns out the food and water bowls are the type that automatically refill. so, hmmm. theres that part out of the way, but of course, you cannot put in a machine to automatically interact with a cat on the level of a human. as for the litter, i couldnt see since i didnt step more than a foot into the room as to not impede boundaries on the cat and i didnt want my roommate to suddenly come home to me knees deep in their shithole. it was probably in the closet but then how is that being cleaned? those automatic cleaning cat litter boxes dont come cheap and i know damn well they cannot afford one. and may i just add as a tidbit, the room has a sitting scent of pee. though seeing as how gross my roommate can get im betting its just them and not the cat. also that room was cold as fuck. were at 60-70s right now in terms of weather right now it does not need to be that cold......

here is a video i was able to capture. i mounted my phone on a monopod in order to get a scope of the room without stepping in too far.

i decided that the least i can do at the moment is to head out to dollar tree and get a toy or two so i can at least provide some amount of stimulation. before i left, i checked on her again.

she was just laying there, keeping her distance, and didnt lurch at me whatsoever. i came back with a feather wand and played with her for a couple of minutes. she responded a little to it, but for the most part she was peering out the door wondering where the hell her so called responsible owner was. i took my sweater off and let the cat sniff it. i have zero relationship with this cat, infact its the first time i've ever properly seen it as it is locked in the bedroom 24/7.

now you may be asking yourself, why is this cat locked away in a room 24/7 like rapunzel locked in her tower and not roaming freely in the open apartment? i too would like an answer to this! i rarely spend any time in the living room but even if i did i have NO issue with it chilling in there.

someone i phoned did bring up a good point that for AS to consider a legitimate case of abuse or even do anything, there'd need to be no food or water. so essentially, unless you're straight up physically harming an animal outside of their headquarters they dont fucking care. want to be proven further on that? my rm actually did speak with AS at the start of bite-saga. surprisingly they werent 100% truthful, and, get a load of this, they told them that the cat potentially has a virus, and that they need to be quarantined the entire 2 week period. thats some lying bullshit if i've ever heard some!!! not only that, just a few hours ago i peeped the girlfriend had the vet get back to them about lending a muzzle!

SO. heres the current situation as of today and what will occur to tomorrow: i finally phoned someone who is going to drop by the apartment tomorrow, potentially with another person (these are not random people, im simply keeping their status as anonymous as possible to maintain their privacy) to check on the cats conditions. they'll also call AS again and nudge the rm in a way where it seems AS needs them to expedite the surrendering process sooner than later. i cant imagine another 5 days of this going on, but theres only so much that can be done that doesnt involve me straight up catknapping the poor thing and rehoming her myself. this is the condition of the cat as of a few hours ago:

if i were someone uninvolved and saw this, i would have assumed she were a stray that broke into the room........

i try not to be petty and villainous, but a line has been crossed and the disgusting mistreatment of an innocent creature is a crime i refuse to allow be sweeped under the rug. if theres any benefit to living in a relatively small town, its that everyone knows or at least recognizes everyone. far too many people already get away with animal abuse, at the very least i can make as many people here as aware of their antics as i can. is that wrong to do? should i not air all that i can out about them? im so tired and exhausted. i've lost so much sleep over this and im probably going to lose a lot more. thanks for reading.

#cw animal abuse #animal cruelty #pet health

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nice-kill-tanaka · 3 years

Note

Hi! I read all your x readers and love them! I especially loved the Bakugou x Rough and Tough Crush, I was wondering if you do a part 2 of that one? Where the squad are trying to get the two together.

Of course Nony! Glad you liked my self indulgent work 🥰

—————

🌄Bakugo + Rough And Tough Crush: Part 2🌌

Looking for the whole set? Take Part 1 right here!

Summary: The Bakusquad gets a little sick of watching you and Bakugo pine after each other in your own...special ways. So, it was decided to devise a plan to get you two crazy kids together!!

A/N: Me, internally: First request, don’t mess it up, first request, don’t mess it up, first request, don’t mess it up, first request, don’t mess it up-

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

💥Katsuki Bakugo💥

Let’s start by looking at your end of the pining stick

When Bakugo started treating you differently (like an equal/rival rather than a hurdle to trample on) your own perspective started to shift

You now knew what it was like to be on Boom Boom Boy’s good side. And if you were being honest? It was fun as hell 🔥🔥

Nothing got under your skin very easily, so you took Bakugo’s aggressive taunts and jeers as petty opportunities to take him up on his challenges

What’s better than a free chance to get stronger??? (Mentally, emotionally, and physically)

It wasn’t very long before you began to find Bakugo’s unwavering passion and drive attractive rather than amusing. You wanted to see more of it, to draw it out, to match it

That wild and determined smirk he used past bared teeth when you bested him would really make you feel some type of way 😳

But Y/N is currently a single-brain-celled bastard in this household

My dude, you don’t even misinterpret your feelings. You're just incapable of giving them a label 😭

You just know that you have warm and fuzzy sensations in your stomach whenever Bakugo is being uniquely himself, which you mistook for indigestion on multiple occasions

Y’all are so freaking dumb it actually hurts 😭😭😭

((^^The Bakusquad’s general consensus on you and Bakugo’s mutual pining))

Which brings us to how the Bakusquad decided to go about bringing you hotheaded lovers together

Kirishima casually suggested that they let you two get together on your own, but was out-voted in favor of putting an end to the infinite frustration that came with watching two people crushing on each other and not doing anything about it

Mina and Jiro thought of the first plan:

They’d have a movie night for everyone in the friend group and Mina would conveniently choose a ✨romance✨ movie. The rest on the squad would think of lame excuses to leave in the middle of the film, leaving only you and Bakugo alone (hopefully on the same couch). If things went well, you two would be together by the end of the movie

Their reasoning was that if the concept of romance was introduced at the right time, you’d both feel more inclined to confess your own feelings

It seemed feasible enough, so the plan was set into motion

As expected, the moment Mina pulled out the Blue-Ray box, Bakugo started to grumble about how corny the film was gonna be

But, Jiro caught a glimpse of you leaning over and muttering something to Bakugo, out of earshot of everyone else

Immediately, Bakugo began to loosen his shoulders, still not happy about the genre, but more complacent. He slouched into the couch and endured it like an adult

During the movie, especially the more romantic moments, the squad constantly stole glances towards you and Bakugo. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to look at

Bakugo, in the same position as the beginning, didn’t seem bored, but like he’d rather be doing anything else at the moment. His eyes were glued to the screen in a judgmental stare, but that he dared not say anything to ruin a certain person’s experience

You, however, looked like you were enjoying the movie! However muted your position might have looked. Though you weren’t enjoying it cause it was good. Oh no, you looked like you wanted to ✨a s c e n d✨ into orbit with laughter every ten seconds

For the sake of letting the rest of the Bakusquad enjoy the romance aspect, you limited your actions to biting your fist whenever something hopelessly cringy happened

Any longer than the halfway point, and you would’ve broken down in a fit of hysterical laughter, roasts, and jeers at the screen

Soon enough, the rest of the group made their excuses to leave the room momentarily, disappointed with their results

But, when they came back, something beautiful had occurred

“Why the hell is she running back to the apartment?? HE CHEATED ON YOU?? KILL ‘IM??”

“SKSKSKS- Okay, but wtf is her FACE?! Is that supposed to be distress?? Freakin’ ahegao faceass.”

Bakugo was deadpan roasting the movie with an amused smirk. While you were coming after it with the gusto of Monoma coming after 1-A, snorting with every comment Bakugo made

Neither of you had even noticed everyone else come into the room

(Apparently, you had told Bakugo earlier that you two can shit on the movie all you wanted once you were alone)

Alright...not exactly the plan. But, possibly a step in the right direction

Sero and Kaminari thought of the next “plan”

I only put quotations, because it’s hardly thought out enough to call it one

It was literally just locking you and Bakugo in a closet 🤡🤡

Don’t worry Sero and Kaminari, I’ll play Taps at your funerals 🎺🎺🎺

You and Bakugo didn’t even have a genuine conversation in the closet...You were too busy yelling various profanities at your friends

“Dude, it’s really FUCKING HOT in here. Let us out while I’m still feeling nice!!”

“I’ll murder you bastards when we get out of here!!! You better start running now.”

Btw, you both ended up making it out of there on your own

You managed to deck the doorknob hard enough to break it off, giving Bakugo enough leeway to blow the door off its hinges

Bakugo took care of Kaminari, while you caught and hogtied Sero with his own tape

You gave each other congratulatory fist bumps afterwards 😚

Despite the rest of the Bakusquad miserably failing in their schemes, their setups did help develop you and Bakugo’s relationship. Just not as fast as they hoped

You had become a pair that could laugh and fight together. Being each other’s advocate became a source of pride for you both

You were all set to become a romantic couple

But, what actually brings you together??

Well, it went something like this:

I’m not too sure of the exact details, but I know that you and Bakugo were having an extra intense training session

Things were starting to get a bit sloppy, as your bodies were getting tired, but your morale was just as strong as ever

It could’ve just been a freak accident, or something neither of you saw coming

But, the point is: Either of you could’ve gotten really hurt, had you not been the tough cookies you are

In your perspective, you were oblivious to the danger that you had been in. And if you did know, you didn’t particularly care. You only saw that the person you cared about most in U.A. could’ve gotten hurt

The idea of that happening, and it being your fault (or, not being able to do anything about it) really rubbed you the wrong way. You were mostly angry at yourself

But, you took it out on Bakugo

Because you were the first aggressor, Bakugo responded with what he knew best: Aggression

Yes, he was absolutely mad at himself for putting you in danger. But, what made the feeling worse, was that you refused to acknowledge that you could’ve been injured as well

Your blatant lack of self-preservation pissed him off. Why couldn’t you care about yourself the way he cared about you?!

On the outside looking in, the fighting was far too intense for any peer of yours to try and break it up

Yelling, cursing, but neither of you put your hands on each other (Like you usually did when you play fought)

Strangely enough, I think that’s how you could tell the situation was serious

Finally, your emotions had reached their climax. All caution had gone to the wind at that point

You weren’t even thinking when you yelled the next thing in Bakugo’s face

“DO YOU THINK I’D FUCKING YELL AT YOU IF YOU DIDN’T MEAN THE GODDAMN WORLD TO ME?!”

“WELL FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK THAT YOU’RE ANY LESS IMPORTANT TO ME THAN I AM TO YOU.”

At that moment, you both turned away to storm off before abruptly stopping in your tracks

“What?!” You said in unison, registering what you both had heard and said

You sighed, frustrated at your own stupidity, unclenching your fists and begrudgingly explaining your true feelings to the seething object of your affections

As you spoke, you were realizing just how whipped you were for Bakugo. And how you didn’t know it until you were given the opportunity to blurt it out with pure emotion

Your words weren’t very poetic (You actually sounded very constipated), but what you said was what you felt in its rawest form

Bakugo could hardly think of what to do next. His crush was reciprocated and they confessed first??? Wtf???

His silence made you uncomfortable, and you didn’t feel like blowing up again. You huffed, shoved your hands in your pockets, and turned to stalk away, unsure of what to do next

Before you could completely turn on your heel though, you felt yourself being roughly shoved against a nearby wall

You weren’t even given time to react, because as soon as your back made contact with the wall, a warm, caramel-scented sensation met your lips

The kiss you had just registered didn’t even last two seconds, but the lingering feeling stuck with you as your brain effectively shorted out

“Yo, wh-what was that??”

Bakugo was impossibly red, one hand still on your shoulder, keeping you in place. Even though he refused to make eye contact with you, it was clear that what he had just done was completely intentional

He scoffed, voice barely above a grumble, “Damn dumbass...you didn’t even give me a chance to respond...”

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one set of headcanons for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan

#caravan commodities #special bindles #anon.traveler #anon.request #bnha #mha #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha x reader #mha x reader #katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo x reader #did i do good???#let me know!!

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pbandjesse · 3 years

Text

Today was a really nice day. It was a full day, and I got really sleepy in the afternoon. But it was a good day still.

I woke up late today. James woke me up a little after 930. I was tired still but I didnt want to waste the whole day. So I got up and James made the bed.

I felt kind of greasy today. Not for any reason really. I scratched my chin and it was annoying me all day. But I still felt cute.

James got donuts for breakfast. And today was a festival on the island! So I played a little animal crossing and got to collect feathers and dance and stuff. It was really cute and fun.

And once I played for a bit I logged off and me and James got ready to leave.

It was a little warmer today but not much. It was nice to be out with my favorite person. And I was just looking forward to a nice day.

We drove out to the second avenue in Columbia. It is a little farther then the savers but really not by much, just a couple minutes. And its a very good thrift store. I wasnt really interested in looking at clothes. I was mostly searching for fabric for Gaby's commision. I found some sweaters first but then I found a blanket that was perfect. I sent her a picture to make sure she was cool with it and she was so I was really excited. We also got a bunch of other great stuff. We got a basket for recycling because ours broke. We got some stuff for ren fair costumes for both of us. I got some other fabrics. And my favorite find: a furby!! I was super excited to find a furby in the wild. And in such good condition. Tags still attached! I dont know if he works but Im super excited about him. Like I dont exactly actively collect furbies anymore but they are still something I really like. And this was a nice one.

We paid and had a nice cashier. James had to run back to the aisles because we got something that was apparently 1 of 4, and I had only picked up 2. But that was okay. Was a better deal than I expected then.

We headed out of there and went to the goodwill down the street. It continues to be the worst goodwill but we did get James slippers that match mine, so we can match and thats pretty cute. And the cashier there complimented James's painted nails.

Next we started searching for squishmallows. Since they are in such high demand I though it would be fun to see if we could find any. And man, them being really popular did make it a challenge. We went to 4 stores and in the first 3 we only found 1! It was a clown fish and I did not get him but man. I was surprised. Even a few months ago they would have a few at all these stores. But thats okay. The last store we went to had a bunch but only the Valentines ones And I didnt want any of those. But at least we did find some on our hunt. It was a fun thing. We may do it again tomorrow. Well see.

In the middle of that hunt we stopped at tacobell. We got to have some nacho fries. But then all of a sudden the heat from the car made me very tired. When we did make it back to the neighnorhood and stopped at walgreens to look for squishes I was a little. Delirious I think. I misread a sale sign for vitamins and didnt get the right thing but the cashier was super nice about it and I just kept apologizing. I got the vitamins I needed and that was good.

We got back home and brought everything in. Unpacked it all. And I went to lay down.

I ended up sleeping for almost 2 hours. I woke up a little dizzy. But I am glad I got some sleep. It was almost 5 though and I had things to do.

I had to have a snack and a drink to shake off the feelings. But I was able to make a lot of progress. I got Gaby's commision all cut out and sewn. It needs stuffing and details. But Im really happy with it. Even if it got fluff all over the studio. I also got to play with another thing I got today. A shadow puppet theater. I am looking forward to playing with this concept a little more, but as an object its pretty cool. Its a box with a flashlight, essentially. But it is real cool.

I did my drawing of the day. And went to lay in the dungeon with James while he talked to a friend about DND and I played a little more animal crossing.

I had a snack and took a shower and washed my hair. And now Im just in bed and chilling. I hope I can sleep easy tonight and enjoy the last day of my 20's tomorrow. I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Take care of eachother!! Goodnight!

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shidiand · 5 years

Note

How do you imagine Tenco's Story ending in your head?

that is a GREAT but UNEXPECTED QUESTION freshlybaked "spider" bread and i'm really happy to have the opportunity to try and answer this ageless question that has burned within all of us in the tenco's story iv waiting room community since 2013. it is an incredible coincidence (or is it? 👀) that i was just talking to Risa about tenco's this (edit: yesterday) morning so i am extra double super in the mood to talk about Tenco's Story today. so excellent of a coincidence is this that i am tempted to refer you to them in case you wanted to hear their thoughts on the matter that would probably turn out super cool, but that is neither here nor there; let us talk Tenco's Story.

i of course must mention my unadvertised and modestly detailed commentary on tenco's i-iii at https://shidiand.tumblr.com/tencos, presenting slightly interesting facts in an unwieldy and difficult-to-use format, but as it dates back to june 2017, i want to take some time to understand my feelings about the series once more.

tenco's story is a series that has a lot of meaning to me.

i took on my current name of shidiand in november of 2013. i was still in 11th grade at the time, 4th year of high school, and a very socially isolated person. i should say i was introduced to touhou in 7th grade, 2010, so i was still working through a 3 years-strong phase of trying to simultaneously both find an outlet for and bottle up an endless wellspring of awkward weeaboo-gamer nerd energy at the time.

i had my first real foray onto the internet in 2010, tried out twitter, followed some RPers and other people who had Cool Touhou Usernames. didn't really go anywhere. i had maybe 50 followers, i dont really know the count but it was definitely a) double digits and b) pretty low. didn't know what to tweet about. didn't know how to hit it off with others. i think there was basically maybe only 3 other people i ever properly interacted with. oh shit i was playing league of legends at the time. oh my god. i really did play league of .. oh my god. let's move on.

aw shit im super digressing amn't i. well.

this is just how it goes when i write essays on tumblr.com.

i'm afraid you're just along for the ride at this point so please do your best to enjoy it.

i got kind of tired of twitter at the time because i didnt know what to do with it. didnt know how to interact with people and didnt find the people i was following interesting, so i ghosted on out of there by the end of 2012. didnt deactivate it until like 2015 but at that point that was just burning away my dark history. anyways. november 2013.

--im taking a lot of time here trawling through old files on my computer, my tumblr blog, notification emails still lying around in my gmail inbox from twitter, the dropbox i didn't actually use but it had several tenco's story pictures on it but i deleted them so this was useless, ... to trace the timeline of this story and im really seeing a lot of remnants of dark history here you know? did you know i wrote a letter to a girl i had a crush on valentine's day 2014, slipped it into her locker, and anxiously hung around nearby at lunchtime to see how she reacted at lunchtime? i certainly didn't, or at least i made darn ass sure to forget about this incredible virgin incident and not remember it, ever, until i came across the records of it that i thoughtfully preserved for the me of 5 years later today. ok well now i have to read the letter to see if it was as bad as it just sounded there brb

ok so the good news is that it was actually very focused on being positive and full of admiration for the cool things she did instead of being a confession letter so i am very glad i was able to be a respectful chad 5 years ago, but the bad news is that the jokes, the actual sentences i put together. oh my god. but i mean. well. at least i got the spirit. its certainly a step up from this other person in my grade, WEEABOO ANDREW, YOU MAY RECALL THIS STORY AND HIS NAME FROM PREVIOUS STORYTIMES, THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND who came to school on halloween once cosplaying kirito from sword art online and got very possessive about people asking if they could hold his black replica plastic sword, and probably worse, dropped a "will you be my girlfriend" letter into the locker of my homie and fellow trombonist samantha, who was a little bit nerdy, hung out with the anime-likers who were actually sociable and fun to be around so you can imagine why weeaboo andrew was into her, which had i) a direct quotation from SAO chapter 16.5 (origin of the famous "glopping noise" line), and ii) a condom. jesus christ. i dont want to talk about this any more. next topic.

i also put this drawing of iku nagae and her skarmory (actually an albinoss from 18 DRAGONS) on the other side of the letter because it was the coolest thing i could think of drawing at the time. and i completely agree with 2014 me because it IS super fucking cool. hell fuckin yeah

https://shidiand.tumblr.com/post/76301993387/iku-nagae-ft-that-thing-that-supposedly-is-a

alright that was a fun little trip down memory lane but lets get back on track. november 2013. i started anew as shidiand. still awkward, still learning how to express myself and looking for my place among others. i followed some touhou bloggers, hung around r/touhou a lot as well. in december i got my first tablet for christmas, a wacom bamboo splash. i still use this thing! the usb cable disconnects if you bump it so i have to find just the perfect position to sit in whenever i want to draw, but its served me well. anyways. i was just starting to play around with digital art but i remember, probably just before new years, for some reason i wanted to find out more about tenshi hinanawi (i don't remember why. tenshi wasn't even one of my favourite characters at the time) so i went googling and right there on zerochan i found this:

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23525572

this was during my dark souls phase so i just went BANANAS at the sight of this. this was literally the coolest image i had ever seen in my internet life. That image alone made me want to draw in hopes that I could make something as cool as that someday.

it wasn't immediately after but i soon discovered tenco's story, and it was love. kannnu was my very first artistic inspiration, and for a long time, my only one. i absolutely idolized them at the time. since then, ive found other artists to look up to, in a more healthy manner, but to this day i still look up to kannnu, still admire their work a lot.

i played around with drawing, followed the lives of people on tumblr, started reading touhou fanfiction, made a new twitter. i met a lot of new people along the way. some people i havent stuck with, some i cut ties with, and some people i still keep in contact with today. over those long 5 years of being shidiand, i found a name (i used to use shidian and then shid, but someone called me shidi once and i realized that was a lot better), how to reach out to others, how to express myself, places that i could feel included in. this is why i owe a blood debt to evelyn, who permitted me to kneel at her throne and was like "yea ok you can join my discord server u seem cool". evelyn, if you were confused by me ominously mentioning this blood debt/blood oath in a tumblr reply 1-2 years ago, this is the context. those 5 years were like a coming of age of sorts, that i never had when i was in high school.

and my love for tenco's story, that inspired me to draw that day, has been with me since almost the very beginning of my time as shidiand. from the beginning, i have always encouraged people to READ TENCO'S STORY, like the kin of those who cry PLAY MELTY or WATCH SYMPHOGEAR. i think my very first sidebar description was something akin to a prayer, written in very choral language, hoping for the day tenco's story iv was completed, ..., "meanwhile, furious shitposting". kannnu's work, finding delight in whatever they chose to draw, has been at my side, all along. my true mentor, my guiding moonlight...

so that's why i still to this day love tenco's story so much.

let's talk about tenco's story.

tenco's story is a story told through single pictures. the plot is vague, and details are sparse. dialogue is rare. we only know what has happened; we seldom know why. furthermore, there are many gaps between scenes that the reader is left to fill in for themselves; we see only snapshots that form an hazy outline of the events that occurred, and must imagine the rest. motivations and explanations fail me. but even with a barebones plot, tenco's story has themes, and if nothing else, those have to be carried through.

the main theme, of course, is journey and travel, but there are also other ideas, too. i actually think they start to change as the series goes on:

book i, where tenshi runs away from home, is about striking out on your own. it's a very fun and unpredictable journey, together with a friend.

book ii, where tenshi and iku are separated, forces tenshi to find and rely on companions of her own even more. but they do so, and they are able overcome hardships, and there is food and festival.

book iii marks a climax, reasserting tenshi's goal of finding the sword of hisou. i feel like the journey shifts from a travel (visiting) to a path forwards (making your way through). perhaps this is just something i get from knowing the locations from dark souls (Anor Londo, New Londo Ruins, the Great Hollow), but the locations start to give more of a sense of verticality, like they're emphasizing tenshi's climb to the summit. the hardships and enemies are the greatest they've been yet, and right when they near the top, tenshi and iku start to bleed. the book ends on an uncertain note.

if i had to describe the type of journey and travel that tenshi and iku undertake, there's this sense of wonder at discovering new places, wandering from vista to vista in delight, but also a sense of conquering, making it through a difficult patch. the sequence from pages 2-44 to 2-51, taken together, convey this sense of overcoming the best. it's one of my favourite parts. again, although the tone definitely starts to lean towards struggle in book iii, i think tenco's sense of wonder really is the heart of the series. there's no map of the world, no predicting where tenshi and iku will end up next. and through their travels, though they come across many enemies, they also find friends -- places of refuge, places full of life, people who will look after them for a few days, companions who will stay with them for the rest of the journey. at the end of book iii, we see a long haired tenshi with purple hair being impaled by the sword of hisou (3-33, see also this extra illustration that risa pointed out to me http://sinnnkai.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-195.html), and regular short haired tenshi continuing on her journey (3-42). if we ignore the out-of-story images where tenshi has the sword of hisou, tenshi has actually only ever used her sunlight blade (2-24, 3-26, etc), so i think that the long haired tenshi on 3-33 is a different person altogether. (if i had to guess, she might be the purple haired woman in the top left of https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35443328 as we have never seen that woman appear anywhere.) she probably has something to do with the flashbacks at the end of book ii and she might somehow be short-haired tenshi at the same time, but this is just speculation.

however, in 3-43, tenshi's hair is rather blue, so i don't know if this is the purple haired woman or not. if it is, tenshi is probably still fine and closing in on the summit, but if it isn't, then it's very worrying to see a picture of tenshi without any of her companions. it's very ominous.

meanwhile, iku, while climbing the red carpeted corridor, is stabbed, and disappears for a few pages. there's a black page, a shot of a shrine that strongly resembles the hakurei shrine, and a picture of iku standing behind someone in a tux, with the line "In the past, I was saved by the lady I was serving, you see?". and then iku wakes up in a field of flowers.

i think what this scene makes clear is a theme that has continued to appear and reappear throughout every book of "being saved, being aided by someone's kindness".

i think another theme that is implied and has to be addressed by this story of running away from home is "return". something im imagining is that the reason tenshi makes finding the sword of hisou her goal is because she wants to have something to prove herself with, to vindicate her when she comes home. but i don't think she needs to prove anything, and i ultimately think that she would be happier spending the rest of her life exploring.

so i think this should be what happens in the ending.

open on iku's journey, and give her a long sequence of travel without seeing tenshi. underline her newfound resolve. she climbs to the summit with albinoss, and finds the rest of tenshi's companions fallen. and in the last room is sword of hisou tenshi, who has lost herself, and it comes down to iku to bring her back. after a difficult battle, when both of them are on their last legs, iku is unable to stand any longer. but at this moment tenshi sees her companions struggling to get back up and reach her, and that's what brings her to her senses. and iku gets to see how many friends tenshi's been able to make on her own, and they finally and properly reunite. together, tenshi and iku carry each other out of the last room.

i don't think it's necessary to return to heaven. as a conclusion, dedicate some time to tenshi and iku travelling together. they're on their way back, revisiting old friends who helped them along the way, enjoying the journey. their last stop is the house of the elderly nawis (1-42). tenshi shows off the sword of hisou; she decided to keep it not as a trophy to show her family but as proof of the bonds of her companions. surrounded by friends, tenshi and iku decide to part ways with each other, knowing that the other will be alright. iku drifts among the clouds once more, and tenshi sets off for the horizon.

that's the plot that i'd write/just wrote. i don't really expect tenco's story iv to ever come out, though. i mentioned my first sidebar description earlier in this essay, but of course, you can see that it's been changed. 2 years ago, i read my hopeful prayer once more and was struck with a terrible melancholy, so now it reads this: "having come to terms with the fact that tenco's story iv will never be released, i can still live, knowing that the spirit of the journey will live on through kannnu's original works [...] meanwhile, furious shitposting".

on one level, tenco's story is a story, but in the process of following it, i came to think of the work itself as a journey too. you can constantly see kannnu's improvement between and even within each book. they have always drawn whatever they liked; what plot matters in the face of "I wanted to draw a beautiful sky." "I wanted to draw a fantastic battle." "I wanted to draw Dark Souls and Monster Hunter and Pokemon and Brave Fencer Musashi and Bokura no Taiyou and Touhou."

its not really kannnu's style to go back and tie up old ends. they just draw whatever makes them happy. so as i watch them continue to draw beautiful places and fantastic creatures, new characters heading out on journeys of their own or just enjoying their everyday lives, it's as if tenco's story never ended. the limits and consistency of that world ignored, and a new one springs up; in a way, the world of tenco's, which had such thin boundaries, just gets bigger.

but even so, having said all that, i still see them draw that short-haired tenshi from time to time. it makes me happy to see them remember tenco's story with such fondness. often crossing over with orion or roar or elweiss, you can see tenshi on another journey.

#tenco's story #freshlybakedspiderbread

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tumblunni · 5 years

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Hhhh bunni legs pain accomplishment day

I HAVE FINISHED THE SHOPPING OF HELL

Tfw u only get paid 4 days before christmas and have to rush everything aaaa

It was bad enough today so i'm so glad i got it done before it got even more busy!

Misc boring essentials i bought for myself: new phone charger cos broken, new trousers cos i spilt hair bleach on my only two pairs, new shoes cos my left shoe literally snapped in half down the middle like wtf even happened there, cheap pink hair dye from a discount store cos i wanna try different colours but in a thrifty way

Now for EXCITING CHRISTMAS PRESENT TIME!!!!

First off SO MANY pc and xbox 360 games from Every Charity Shop In Cardiff, St Mellons, Rumney and Llanrumney. My sis has been trying to find some games to play but was like 'dont worry about it i can just wait til the charity shop gets something good'. So i thought i'd get some stocking stuffers via all the charity shops on my side of town. By our powers combined we will blitz the entire vale of glamorgan's discount gaming scene!!! I found SO MANY good stuff for £1/£2/£3 like holy shit i love when charity shops dont know the proper price for shit XD

speaking of which i also found a WEBCAM for £2! If its that cheap it probanly isnt great but itd still be fun to play around with! :D and the same store also had an old vintage G1 My Little Pony coffee mug in excellent condition. Oh god the nostalgia! My support worker gave me a lift to llanrumney so i had to awkwardly explain why i had an armful of weird 80s mugs and big teary eyes!

Speaking of vintage, i found this new vintage toys and games shop in cardiff called Galactic Attic! The name hooked me in and then they actually DID have pokemon inside! As well as all sorts of stuff ranging from 40s to 90s, wow! There was even a lil pile of old 90s gaming magazines in the corner, covered up by a bunch of boxes. I'm glad i noticed them! I got the announcemt issues for pokemon diamond pearl and platinum in a weird old pokemon fan magazine that i loved as a kid. Im kinda sad that nowadays we just have one official magazine fpr each console and not the wild madness of amateaur journalists failing horribly to get news from japan. Shame they didnt have Beckett Pokemon cos that one was infamous fot drawing its own terrible interpretations of pokemon sprites to avoid copyright. And speaking of terrible, they even had bootleg pokemon!! I talked to the cashier and he was like "you know those are fake right" and i was like "yeah its so nostalgic thats why i want em" and he was like "lol yeah they actually sell pretty well so i'm not mad my supplier ripped me off". It was a pretty good and awesomely terrible fake at the same time? There was this exact replica of some japanese display stand for the product and then the actual pokeball toys looked perfect BUT the mini pokemon inside were.. Really not. I am so damn happy with the surprise inside my one, surprise inside has never been more accurate! I can't take a picture now cos my phone is charging but REGICHEETO. Just..just imagine that, and whatever you're imagining it is probably worse. I love it so fuckin much. Also less hilariously there were some bootleg mini pika plushies with actually (as far as i can tell) their own unique design? They have cute lil winter scarves and an art style that reminds me of the Magical Pokemon Adventure manga. A really cute and good bootleg that i would have loved to see as a real product! The only way you can even tell its a bootleg is because there's no marking on the tail. I dunno, maybe if i still have some brown fabric in the cupboard i could fix it? Or maybe its unique tail makes it even more special! I mean there's Cosplay Pikachu with its double tail marking so maybe this is her cousin Accessory Pikachu with no markings? He just likes wearing scarfs and hats and stuff. OMG HE'S THE POKEMON GO EVENT PIKACHU!!!!!!

Along the miscness of finding a few things for myself, i also found: cute lil pokemon pencilcase, kingdom hearts blind bag, cheap copy of Fruits Basket volume 1 cos the new remake is coming out soon and i wanna Get Hype! The KH blind bag was really weird cos i didnt know they now have an entirely different set as well as the keychains i bought before. Its kind of a shame the art style doesnt match cos vexen is only in the keychains, alas! But i do really love these ones! Theyre apparantly made by funko pop but dont have the art style AT ALL, they just look like really accurate versions of the characters in mini form. Its kinda like the 'distance animation' style in steven universe? (Incidentally they also do SU ones but they missed the opportunitu to actually use the distance style, lol) I got a Sora in his kh2 outfit and i'm decently happy with that, its not one i really wanted but its not a bad one either. But i think now i've tried the fun of surprise once i'll just buy the actual ones i want off ebay later. They have roxas in his organization outfit! With a happy smile!!!

Oh oh and then EVEN MORE XBOX GAMES OF THE WILD THRIFT STORE VOID! i managed to find the whole fable series, two assassins creeds, saints row, gta, some misc shooter games and racers that she wanted but i dont know much about, mass effect 2 and ff13. I think maybe one or two others cos i cant fully remember right now. Theyre all in separate bags strewn across the room and my shoulders feel like death so i'll sort through them later.

Aaaand i wrote up like 14 paragraphs more but tumblr didnt save my draft fpr some fuckin reason and now im way too tired to do it again

Briefer summary:

* had a huge horrible panic attack getting stuck in a skyscraper shopping centre clothes place full of screaming and every perfume smell and WHY DO I HAVE TO NAVIGATE THIS HELL MAZE TO FIND THE ESCALATOR and seriously i was my most primal animalistic self and i went full fight or flight on this bitch

* had a lovely time visiting Cool Shop Grandma and rambled the story of how i met her and how we became friends but hhh too tired to rewrite. But anyway today i gave her a christmas pikachu plush as thanks for everything and cos her shop is moving on to its next location soon. She got really teary and gave me a big hug! She's gonna be at a comic con in march so i hope i'm able to go to that and see her again.

* went on a wild goose chase looking for harry potter merchandise and eventually found a gold plated replica of the movie prop version of the time turner and HELL YES my sis will love it!

* rambled about several market stalls that were cool but i can make a separate post about that in the morning when i find their contact details to advertise them

* got a plushie delibird and decided to take selfies with it everywhere to try and fight my social anxiety somehow. We went to a neat lil restaurant and had cheesy fries and a coke float!

* asked for a refund on an item for the first time ever and im proud of myself

* went off on a mystery bus trip to buy a preowned 3ds and pokemon games from a lady in an online preowned stuff facebook group and it didnt go horribly and i am glad! She was really nice and i witnessed A Good And Smart Parenting Moment and man it healed my heart and i wish i'd been raised that way. Again i'll probably ramble about the details later when im less tired, it really touched my heart seriously! And now i have MANY GIFTS FOR SIS!

* in total i was out present shopping from 9am to 8pm and i clicked my shoulder out of its socket for a split second from.all the heavy bags. Now im in a lot of aches and i need a sleeps

The End

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groundramon · 6 years

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Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here! I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing. ok. alright. cool. Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon. just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like. They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality. I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish. This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids. What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him. I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet. No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is. Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one. They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like. Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed. The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it. Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me. alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible. Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected. Was very invested during it. ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out. Where are the 02 kids. You should’ve brought them in to save the day. That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun. Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps. Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty. I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development. He’s basically an entirely different person. Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe. He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE. The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back. They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei??? Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much. It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters. Whatever. AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk? This entire time??? Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends??? Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried. Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao. God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely. Would I have still been bitter? Yes. But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise. It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults. These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining. They do not work when placed into an adult setting. Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world? I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like. Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure. It doesn’t work. Digimon Tri is basically that except real. Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience. It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that. Like! Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL. Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life. I want bad puns and emotional characters. That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be. Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars. It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better. You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead. If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series. Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS. I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri? But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish. Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies. Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit. I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons. It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments. If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it. It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept. And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up. It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon. It raises interesting questions about the timeline too. We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project? (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over) But what about Diaboromon? I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well. Could Diaboromon still be out there too? It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction. Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil? Like ? That’s a pretty important thing. The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02. And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still. It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened) MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so. God there’s just. So much wrong with Tri. I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care. There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me. I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

#stormy speaks #digimon

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gogularaajan · 4 years

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VIRUS MAIRUS

7 mins 40 seconds directed by Gogularaajan written by Shanjhey Kumar Perumal and Gogularaajan dop by Kumanavannan

youtube

Short Synopsis :

When Neelakandan needs a drink, he will get it no matter what. The short film follows his struggle of trying to score some alcohol amidst the MCO in Malaysia due to the recent outbreak of the Covid-19 virus.

PROCESS :

1. THE BIRTH

We were hunting ideas for the #KumanPicturesChallenge and on 30th March 2020, Shanjhey came up with an idea in our “Sarang Naga” Whatsapp group. He showed us a picture and asked us to guess what the story would be.

Picture 1 : Whatsapp conversation of Shanjhey, Palani and Gogu.

It’s a story about an alcoholic middle-aged man and his fearful, impulsive journey in search of alcohol, leading him to lose his mind and resort to drinking Dettol. Once we have this, Shanjhey did efficient writing that contains all the important details and structure of the story. This served as a strong base for us to write the screenplay..

Picture 2 : Draft written by Shanjhey. I went on with my ugly scribblings on it.

2. THE WRITING

At first, though I liked the idea, I could not connect myself to the story, it took some time for me to finally personalize this idea. A lot of questions hunted my mind: is it necessary to celebrate the life of an alcoholic? what is the urgency? how well do I know this man? will this be a representation?

My energy was almost drained of all these questions, and at the right time, my friend Shoban (a director himself) came to rescue. Shanjhey shared with him our idea, and Shoban instantly loved it. Shoban stressed that this is a story that should be told. That’s when we realized, that the story has its own spark and purpose, and we shall give it a shot. His words started my engine back.

#Philosophy : I tried to make sense of the story. And also draw its relation to suit the Challenge’s criteria which is horror :

what is horror? it might differ from person to person. but to me, it is basically fear. and fear is not just limited to ghosts or supernatural elements. Fear is broad and has many ways to manifest itself. In real life, there are much worse horrors happening, day to day. this story is also such horror, which is way too common in Malaysian Indian's lives. a man who is willing to do whatever to get his bottle of beer might sound too absurd and unreal to some, but it is, in fact, a very common reality for Malaysian Indians. This is in our blood, ingrained, customized for years. This is how we have been enslaved for years by different powers. when we were in the plantations, they gave us alcohol to calm us down and stray us from our real problems. a quick fix that can melt down our need to revolt or claim our rights. and this condition still persists until today, just that it has taken different forms.

this is my fear reflecting on the society, and also the character (Neelakandan’s) fear of not being able to control his spiking impulsive desire. i think the most horrific thing that can happen to oneself is when one loses control of himself, or worst when something is taking control of his consciousness.

I also intentionally wanted to stay outside, at the commentary viewpoint, and not indulge. I wanted a comical portrayal of this story. The story itself carried a very absurd, comical value so I didn't want to mess with it. This allowed me to create displaced emotions, where horror which exists in reality, feels humor.

most importantly, i never wanted to have a moralistic comment/statement. i just want to present the characters and events. i tried my best not to judge the character, Neelakandan. I treated him with compassion.

Picture 3 : Deriving key points of the story to serve as a direction.

After soaking my mind in this idea for about a week, I finally sat to do the screenplay. In fact, I started it quite late, so we didn’t have much time to do many drafts. Initially, Mr.Shanjhey envisioned the movie to be around 2-3 minutes long in duration, but as I was writing, I thought that it will be interesting to follow the character through few more events that can push him to decide for himself. To be honest, the writing was simplistic, I intentionally left some spaces for improvisation during the shoot.

This is the link to our final script used during our shoot : https://issuu.com/gogularaajanrajendran/docs/jpg2pdf

3. THE PRODUCTION

There are no actors. It came down to me to act, damn, I am really a lousy actor. So we tried to ask my dad if he could play this role as he fits the look quite well, better than me. I thought he is never going to accept it because he is quite an important figure in the Malaysian Tamil Literature scene and he has an image to protect. But to my surprise, he said Yes without thinking much.

Picture 4 : First look test.

For the DOP, I asked my brother, Kuma to take care of it. This was his first time, but I have nothing to complain, his work was neat. So it happened to be quite a comfortable team to work with.

Since I'm dealing with a non-actor, I've used certain methods to drive the character into the actor. On the first day of the shoot, Dad and myself sat in my darkroom. I guided him to breath, in and out, as he settles down into a relaxed state, I brought Neelakandan to him, we asked the character’s permission and seek for his help in filming. I love to do this kind of rituals, it really builds our faith in the story and character. It also gives a certain sacred vibe. I love its purity.

Apart from meditation, I used another important technique which is breathing. I have identified precisely, the breathing pattern that the character goes through in each scene and action, and through guiding the actor with the same breathing pattern, it enables him to realize the character from a deeper reality.

Picture 5 : Im pouring F&N Zappel to the glass faking it as Dettol.

Another thing that I’ve done to get decent acting is, we shot this short film really slowly, one scene per day. Really comfortably, because I didn't want to exhaust my dad. We would shoot 3-4 hours per day for 5 days continuously. And by the end of each day, I would edit the footage.

One very valuable lesson that I have acquired is that it doesn't matter if your actor is a good performer or not, if he is attentive and has surrendered himself to the craft, you can mine the talent. My dad is, in fact, a non-alcoholic (anti-alcoholic even). My grandfather was an alcoholic himself and my dad has witnessed how alcohol can ruin a man’s life. Fortunately, my dad has observed how a true alcoholic would behave and think, close enough. I requested him to draw inspirations from there, and channel it through the way he behaves, looks, and walks. I also collected some interesting videos from the internet (testimonies of alcoholics in India) and let him indulge in the way they exist.

3. THE POST

Editing this movie was fairly easy, I had a strong vision of its rhythm and flow. The only scene I had quite some trouble was the one in the lift. I almost gave up, I even questioned myself, why am I even doing this. I again, realized that I’m not a gifted editor, editing really drains my soul. But the reality is, every editing project (no matter how simple it is) will push you into a deep dark realm. It is a terrible place to be in, but then, it is just the process. If we keep on, we will survive.

Picture 6 : Final Timeline of the movie.

I did the editing in quite a rush. I suppose to collaborate with my friend Neroshen on the sound design, but I didn't have the time to send the files over. I end up making the sound myself with my limited resources. The first draft of this film was about 9 minutes, where I intentionally made the last sequence of Neelakandan drinking Dettol longer. I had him to light the candle, kissing the bottle, and glass. It was like a grand celebration after a tiring journey. However, we had to take it out since it was affecting the runtime. In the beginning, I was reluctant to cut it off, but Mr.Shanjhey made me realize that it is better off. In fact the mood was not affected in the end.

Time's running out for submission. Laavanya (sister) and Senthu helped me with the subtitles in the very last minute. Very grateful that we could submit the movie for the competition, I thought that we wont make it.

AFTER THOUGHTS :

Mr.Shanjhey and myself, we are really glad that we took part in this challenge (felt more like a festival! 200+ films submitted!). We don’t really celebrate films enough in Malaysia, and I love Kuman Pictures for that, they really make it a point to celebrate films. This motivates us to practice filmmaking more, because that’s the only way to mastery.

After the selection week, we got to know that our film is shortlisted. Woohoo!

Link to playlist of shortlisted films : https://www.youtube.com/playlist…

We shared the movie with friends and families and received warm comments. One of the responses that really touches me is from the Five Flavours Film Festival (Poland) when they made a write up about our short film, and shares how they too, feel connected with the character and story, though they are miles away.

Link to the write up : https://www.piecsmakow.pl/aktualnosc.do?id=430&fbclid=IwAR2F1BfMG0W6l8MZ4tTfprfU8zf4RG8EzCGCttP0gQgwI-5scpDjktXVwAU

One weird coincident that hit us, weeks after the making this shortfilm is Donald Trump’s statement on ingesting Dettol to kill the virus. Art becomes life, there you go. Neelakandan is validated by Trump.

And on the 28th of April, Kuman announced that our short film has been selected as the winner for the challenge.

Some lovely articles and responses for shortfilm from online media :

1. Trootz made a detailed write-up :

https://trootz.wordpress.com/2020/04/30/virus-mairus-no-virus-can-stop-a-man-seeking-gratification/

2. FatBidin Film Club reacted to the movie :

https://youtu.be/FYarPgjRerE

3. OhSnap Tv made a cool coverage on their website :

https://www.ohsnap.tv/2020/04/30/spotlight-gogularaajan/

4. CinemaOnline made a write-up :

http://www.cinema.com.my/bm/articles/news_details.aspx?search=2020.n_virusmairusdiangkat_54619&fbclid=IwAR0STOOLByd7K7o5xUUp3NHd3lSINioJ0xbab-QUYY42xZe2mwJzrr2SBvA

5. Thoughts on Films wrote an impressive review :

https://thoughtsonfilms.com/2020/05/09/virus-mairus-review/

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jangbyul · 7 years

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I was debating whether I should post this here but i decided that I would because more than anything I want to be able to remember this experience and for those who continue to read this post, maybe it can provide them with more insight on how things operate at Kpop concerts. also, I hope this post can provide some laughter and that whoever reads it, will fall in love with vixx even more because heck I sure did <3

warning: the following blurbs you are about to read contains many many grammatical error and may not even make sense because I wrote it after the concert at around 2am in an attempt to remember everything so please bear with me OTL I also didn't go into too much detail about the format and setlist because I mainly wanted to remember the things VIXX did and their cute interactions with one another. enjoy!

----

Rehearsal

They came out in their casual clothes and omg they looked so freaking fluffy!!! And can I just say that they have such amazing skin like holy they didn’t have makeup on but they still looked pretty and glowy and flawless like how? Hongbin was in this navy long zip hoodie and a plain white shirt paired with blacked jeans? Damn he looked so good in such a simple outfit! Poor bb looked so sleepy though :( hyukkie omg I feel bad because I don’t remember exactly what he was wearing but I think he was wearing a white shirt as well? I was too focused on him being adorable and teasing Leo haha so they performed 2 songs during rehearsal - good night and good morning as well as dynamite and during dynamite hyuk playfully tapped Leo’s cap xD so yeah Leo was wearing a baseball cap with Chicago on it? And his outfit was mostly white, I would say his was the most laid back for sure! Ravi was in a black tee and black pants and a black beanie as well (all black lol) i am sad to say that Ravi looked tired as well and didn’t smile much but he still killed his rap parts though! Next is hakyeon! That boy was dressed up looking chic as hell! He was also in an all black outfit but he had a leather? jacket on and black skinny jeans. He looked like he was in a good mood because he smiled quite often and said some things to the audience. Last but definitely not least is jaehwan. He was in a black hoodie which this scary picture of a doll on it lol as well as black jeans. He was sooo freaking smiley and there were times where he kinda bounced around on stage? He waved a lot to the audience and when rehearsal was over he was the last to leave the stage ^_^

Actual concert

this was such a blur! I was so sad we were only allowed to record 3 songs so I don’t even have a video for on and on (which is my fave song). But they all killed it! 100% killlllled it and they sound just as good live as they do on their CDs, no joke. since Im a hongbin stan I glued my eyes to him the majority of the time but seriously when it comes to dancing, hakyeon draws so much attention. Just the way he effortlessly moves and theres just so much passion when he dances. I couldn’t help but stare *_* jaehwan dances with a lot of power and confidence and he might not be the main dancer but I still think he did an amazing job! hyuk when he dances he’s freaking MANhyuk! he also has a lot of power when he dances like I don’t know how to explain it like his moves are just so intricate? hongbin my precious bean sweated so much LOL it was to the point that he grabbed a towel every chance he got and turned away from the crowd to wipe it xD I could tell he was super focused when dancing and damn he moves fast like one sec he was on the left side of the stage and then the next he was already on the floor on the right side of the stage! Judging by the amount of sweat and how he kept wiping his upper lip cuz of the sweat, he really worked hard <3 (he also freaking did a lip lick thing that drove me into a frenzy ugh) during to us, all the fans held up a banner and just enjoyed the song together. it was such a good feeling, to have so many starlights in one room and have vixx right in front of us ;;;;

Apart from the songs they also did this interactive-ish thing with us! Like prior to going into the concert we were allowed to write something we would like them to do on a sticky (ex. Jaehwan please do aegyo) etc and so hyuk designated himself to be the “MC” and how it worked was that each member would choose one of the stickies for the member on their right. Leo chose first and he chose one for jaehwan and what he had to do was sing a part from his musical. He did so without using his mic and at that moment I knew exactly what an angel sounded like *_* everyone in the crowd was in awe that I think we cheered too early because it looked like jaehwan wanted to continue still but stopped and clapped and then went back to his seat. Hakyeon even pointed out that the crowd was just waiting to scream because we went from “ahhhhh” to “WOOOOOODFGDFGDFGD” real quick haha next jaehwan chose a sticky for hakyeon! He took his time choosing and hakyeon actually got off his seat and went up to jaehwan (I guess to make sure he isn’t choosing something too difficult for hakyeon to do lol) and while jaehwan was choosing he beatboxed a little which drove us insane <3 hyuk said somethings like “oh choose for your love N, you bro N, your mother father N” XDD jaehwan finally chose one which was also for hakyeon to perform a song from his upcoming musical? I wasn’t too sure if it was from a musical because the translator there sucked lol hakyeon said he had to prep because he doesn’t rmr some lines but in the end he sang beautifully like he never ceases to amaze me with his voice that is just so suitable for ballads & lullabies yenno he kept going until hyuk had to intervene and tell him to stop he still kept going and it got crazy when ken started singing as well haha such cuties!! Anyway so next hakyeon chose for hongbin and omgosh I saw my sticky and was really hoping hakyeon would choose it but he didn’t OTL i wrote it for hongbin, asking if he could sing a ballad because precious bb has a lovely voice and deserves to sing more! In the end hakyeon chose one in which hongbin had to do aegyo and boy did he struggle! The first time he did it it was pretty quick but still adorable nonetheless because his voice went all high pitched eeee so hyuk actually made him do it a second time and it was slightly longer and his voice went from high back to his usual lowish voice cuz he got so embarrassed.. hongbin said something and the translator said hongbin was sad because starlights didn’t understand his true feelings TT I guess he really didn’t want to do aegyo :( hongbin chose for Ravi and my Rabin feels were reignited because hongbin took two stickies and allowed Ravi to choose one! Ravi chose to also do aegyo I think? And he ended up doing the “oppa song”??? some cute music played and Ravi had to do aegyo to it but it seems like he was prepared and did it without hesitating that even the members joked and commented that he was really good at it LOL our Ravi may be the badass rapper and has tats to prove it....but he is too cute when he wants to be :3

Somewhere in there Ravi had to do an eye battle with hakyeon and lol hakyeon was so pumped and ready, being so confident he was gonna win and had that smug look on his face while provoking ravi by playfully hitting him on the chest. In the end hakyeon did win (but I feel like thats because he purposely made Ravi blink HAHA). Ravi chose for hyuk and hyuk had to dance to chained up double speed! That of course was too easy so it got ramped up to triple speed and I think later to quadruple speed?? Triple/quadruple speed was hella fast and hyuk was moving so fast that by the end of it he was so exhausted and joked that he can never do a concert again! He looked a bit frazzled afterwards so ken was like are you ok??? Oh yeah and we somehow got ken to do triple/quadruple speed as well but he didn’t even try to go super fast because srsly it’s killer! Hyuk was still recovering so Leo asked if he could chose his own and hyuk let him. Leo chose to perform a bit of whisper with Ravi!!!!! It was just the chorus but they did a bit of the chore and leo sang without the music and Ravi rapped without the music as well *_* because leo cheated by basically making it into a joint mission with Ravi, hyuk later chose another sticky for leo LOL this required leo to write each of the members name with his belly button xD poor leo didn’t want to do it at all and kept saying its weird!! He struggled so much and actually did his signature collapse onto the floor dying from embarrassment HAHA he managed to complete it but he did so by moving his entire body across he stage like he sat right next to hyuk on the right side but by the end of it he was all the way to the left side standing right in front of Ravi haha ken and hyuk demonstrated that you don’t have to move ur entire body but just your upper body xD then they wrapped up that segment and performed some more songs! after the final song when they were bowing and exiting the stage, ken did not want to leave and kept waving and blowing kisses ahhh those bbkins <333 hongbin legit had to come out, and drag him off the stage LOL then hongbin popped back out and did a heart with his hands ahhhh

I also just wanted to note that jaehwan was just a ball of sunshine throughout the entire concert. He constantly waved enthusiastically and smiled his puppy smile. he was just so playful and when fans shouted I love you to him he would immediately say I love you too back and jokingly act like yeah the fans love me most XD jaehwan definitely climbed up my bias list after this and I’m just so glad I got to witness his playful humorous side in real life. it made me think back to vixx’s reality shows and how the members always mention that theyre thankful for ken because ken jokes around and does his best to lighten up the mood after a stressful day ;A; Hyuk also made such a big effort speaking English to us and although it was just short sentences, I was still extremely proud of him and thankful that he made that effort <3 hakyeon too said a lot of sweet things to us and his humble self kept thanking us when really we should be thanking him for gracing us with his presence!!!!! Leo kept his cool demeanour for the majority of the concert, It wasn’t until the very last few songs where they came out not in their usual stage outfits that I saw leo being extra smiley and literally jumping and spinning on stage XD he went right next to jaehwan and started jumping with him (KEO IS REAL OK) hakyeon also made sure to go left to right and say bye to the fans and wave! Same with jaehwan hehe hongbin was mainly on the opposite side of me and oh how I wish he was on my side more during the last few songs!

I noticed that jaehwan was the most popular here like so many people I met that day were jaehwan stans hehe Ravi was also really popular and hakyeon too! Whenever hongbin sang I screamed extra hard because I really want him to feel just as loved and appreciated and same goes for hyuk too because those two have so much to offer!

Photo Op

I was such a nervous wreck LOL my friends and I were all strategizing a plan, trying to make sure we’d end up in front of our biases. it was 15 people per group so when it was our group’s turn I legit blanked out and just tried to navigate towards hongbin. So the order was N, Hyuk, Hongbin, Ravi, Ken, and Leo. I stepped onto the stage and was immediately greeted by N’s smiling face and wave. I waved back automatically and seriously couldn’t do anything but wave Lol i was way too stunned by his 6 foot beauty and that small eye contact! *_* I ended up somewhat in front of hongbin but like on the floor and not on a seat but its okay! The photo op was super quick like they took 2 pics and that was only like 20 seconds! the staff rushed us and kept telling us to move move move -.- As we got up to leave I quickly turned back and looked at hongbin and told him I love you ahhhh he looked at me and smiled and waved and that was all I needed to turn into a big pile of mush ffghfghfghf *_* I think I was able to catch eye contact with jaehwan after and I tried to say bye to leo but failed LOL as I got off the stage I still couldn’t believe I was able to muster up the courage to say something to hongbin eeeep! Oh and vixx is known to be giants right so I was expecting them to tower over me because I’m only 5’4…but up close they weren’t as tall as I expected. yeah they were impressive in height but not what I imagined I guess xD But yeah the photo op went by so quickly and I’m praying to god I look somewhat descent in the pictures they took lol rip

Im so sad that the concerts over and you bet I’m going to suffer from PCD for the next few weeks T_T but I’m just so thankful to have been able to experience this and to finally see them live! all the while meeting some pretty awesome people along the way! It was definitely a memorable concert that I hope to remember many years from now :)

#vixx #personal #shangri-la vancouver #171029

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readfelice-blog · 5 years

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Moominland Chronicles Siebzehn: infatuation is not a gift

Blog guide: all italics are my wednesday edits.

Before we begin:

Anyone who suddenly might be unexpectedly flush, my crowdfunding campaign has less than 24 hours left

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/acht-ocho#/

Well then, hello, no more letters lets return to moominland.

You might remember in my last chronicle that my bloody tale of woe was still in action, after many pills and spending time with a really wonderful gynaecologist who spoke about death with me - following my lead, (she didn't open an appointment with a death chat, I don’t think doctors are normally allowed to even think the word) it was finally determined I have chlamydia.

Surprise!

What fun eh?

I’m on antibiotics now, it should be gone by this weekend, and the bleeding stopped about 2 weeks ago after I started a combination of blood clotting pills and the contraceptive pill. My suspicions are it was stress, hormones and chlamydia that caused the gushing of blood, it would be an act of suicide on chlamydias part to deprive itself of so much iron, which it needs to survive.

So as inferred previously, the NHS would of caught this sti months ago, I would not of cost my insurance company thousands of euros or been subject to various ultrasound spy dildos and gleeful practitioners telling me I was pregnant rubbing their hands together in anticipation of jumping into my vagina, or surgeons hysterically clutching scalpels, so overjoyed to be operating again.

BUT, if I had dealt with my insurance issue diligently, and gotten a proper gynaecologist much earlier and done my research carefully, AND LEARNT GERMAN, this would also not have happened, so I can't deny my own responsibility in all of this either. I still retain my idiot abroad status, which I need to work on to be a proper functioning expat.

So, I’m lying in bed a bit nervous because I’m printing my first copies of my publication tomorrow to fly them to italy at the weekend: it’s Tuesday as I type this horizontal on my phone. As I'm away and just embarking on the next chapter of my project, the making it really real bit, I thought it best to get this log drafted and up before I go.

They’re done, some of the pages are wonky, but they look great actually.

Follow the diary of this project here:

https://felicezhukov.net/bocem-diary

(Because death lurks round every corner, it’s best not to have any unfinished business.)

It’s been quiet, I’ve been napping a lot and taking pills and cutting down salt, my social life has utterly ground to a halt aside from the occasional quick drink and my trips to the studio to practise the live element of this project, which has been revealing itself to me and making me consider myself in a new light, somewhere between a musical performer, a stand up comedian and just all out weirdo, but I’ll refine this at a later date.

What I want to talk about this week are the letters to Nicolás Jaar, but not as a letter to him. As thoughts directed into the macrocosm of the internet.

Because I finished ‘I love Dick’, at first I wrote a very clumsy synopsis and realised many of the critical details had passed me by, academic references sifting out of my mind like flour and swirling away into the air. It has made me realise I need to study what I read, but again that's a thought to refine later.

Still, I was left with a very strong impression which fermented inside me like kimchi and whilst sat in my kitchen earlier between courses, my eyes resting on candlelight, it struck me, the protagonist of the book, Chris, was bullying dick, suddenly it was crystal clear that her infatuation was never weathered by Dicks resistance, that Dick could be curious and still also be anxious about her attention, that victims make mistakes to. But she ploughed on, regardless of his protests, for a long time.

Now, my letters to Nicolás Jaar only lasted a matter of months in comparison, and did not include any colluders, but they were still deeply personal and troubled. Week after week I decried the suffering in my life, the cruelties I was facing, the emotional carnage of my break up and my alcoholism, addressing them to someone I’d formed an infatuation about solely on the impressions of his public persona and his music.

When I was 15 I was obsessed with the doomed relationship of courtney love and kurt cobain, as a the eternal odd one out with nowhere to go in the countryside I entertained myself by creating a character called enigma, who lived in New York. I drew hundreds of drawings of her in different attire that looked more like fashion illustrations than anything descriptive, my mum used to get frustrated at this waste of talent bound to repetition, and enigmas neck was always to long.

Enigma had a lover, called jake, chiselled jawline, a genius musician with a tortured soul, he seduced and slept with all of New York’s cultural elite, but he loved enigma. Though they stayed plural and their relationship was often fraught, they were absolutely bound together, forever destined to explode and then reassemble.

Jake didn’t kill himself.

That fantasy has taken new form, enigma looks like me now, but it is the foundation of every infatuation I develop.

Nicolás Jaar was in the middle of a grueling international tour, I mangled what I read about him into some kind of twisted connection between us, he was travelling the world to the backdrop of me destroying every last vestige of my life,in all senses of the word, selling and trashing my life’s work and possessions, leaving my husband, leaving my home of over 10 years.

Then In its closing chapters I retold and fictionalised a very unsettling story about murder and submersion, the whole thing taking an unsavoury twist with me paralleling beauty and the beast, what if the beast had killed beauty?

I was the beast.

But aren't we all the beast sometimes?

I can only imagine how tiring and unsatisfying months of touring can be for someone creative who wants to innovate and explore in their work, it would be my personal hell, that rotation of groupies, hangers on and gargantuan crowds, barely a moment to breathe and personal space so diminished that you stop knowing who you are any more. In the midst of this to be receiving unsolicited attention from a mentally damaged stranger on twitter, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week, could only serve to heighten the stress you're already experiencing and cause you to disassociate yourself from your inner core even more.

In my mind I was pleading to be saved by devoting all my attention to him, in my unhinged state I felt like by baring everything to a man I’d never met he’d be so disarmed he'd surely empathise, find solace in my garbled stories of misadventure and anxiety.

But now I see how selfish it was, to project on to another human, after all dick was just a human to, with all his own baggage to cope with, though infatuation can amplify its object the reality is noone is really built to cope with that kind of attention, not Dick, not Nicolás Jaar.

Though it was an interesting exercise in some way and will always be part of my oeuvre, probably more definitively so because it exists on the internet, so if the walls don’t come crashing down it is relatively protected, it wasn't kind. I was not trying to help Nicolás Jaar, or create something nourishing, it was selfish. Infatuation is, at its core, selfish, the object is merely that because there is no connection, or at least in this example. There was never any exchange between us, just me pouring all my illness into him blindly.

And I know this well because I have suffered with others becoming infatuated by me on more than one occasion, it’s not pleasant.

In Turin, on stage, he seemed so broken and at odds with himself during his set, he appeared to be really unhappy, my most noble act in this whole enterprise has been to stop writing him letters and focus on myself. I do feel angry with the former me though there is no use regretting what has already passed and life moves on as surely as the sun and moon pass each other in the sky.

In the end i cant punish myself, to err is humane, to forgive divine, I must forgive myself as well.

I’m glad im returning to Turin a more advanced and thoughtful person, I’m going to order in a restaurant this time (well, maybe, but I’m definitely going to buy chocolate) and have a nap before I go out on saturday, I’m going to go to Italy this time, not to stand wretchedly at the feet of a man who owes me nothing and asks for nothing from me. Because as someone grappling with their own fears about performing: this kind of incident is one of the key aspects of what I am terrified to illicite, so i say to you my readers, that I'm sorry to Nicolás Jaar and I will never repeat this journey with any future influences in my life.

I wonder if Chris Kraus has ever apologised to Dick, I’m going to give it a google now I think then try to get some sleep.

Goodnight all, next week I’ll regale you with my Italian trip and who knows what else.

Should ever our paths cross, I don't think I could be like chris, I feel like I’m done exposing him, so it may very well be that whatever ending this story could have, this here will be the end in terms of its written account, I might never type the words Nicolás Jaar on tumblr again.

And by the way, I’ve already uploaded my album, because actually I detest exclusivity, it’s free to download and publically available on 2 of my music based accounts, it’s not hard to find, trust me.

#nicolas jaar #infatuation #i love dick #self growth #Berlin

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beardedwinnerobject-blog · 6 years

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A coworker once told me that once you're labeled as a homeowner, your car insurance rates go up b/c you can be sued for your house. Is there any truth to this? If it matters, I live in NY.""

Haotian vixen 125-8 motorcycle insurance?

I have recently purchased a haotian vixen 125-8 motorbike to learn on. i will soon be doing my CBT. I understand that it is an imported bike but i cannot seem to find any insurance companies that know of the make, what can i do ?""

Car Insurance (Geico) ?

My parents don't have me on their insurance but I have a license does geico know I have my licence because I live with my parents? And by how much will they raise the insurance cost if they put me on?

What happens if a 16 year old in NC is caught driving without being on the insurance policy?

The owner of the car has insurance on the car but his daughter is not listed as a driver on the policy.

Can an Auto Insurance company force you to use aftermarket parts for repair in Connecticut?

I had tire tread fly into my car on the highway. Tore the bumper and smashed the condenser. The insurance company has after market parts on the estimate, but I want to sell this car someday and want OEM. I'm pretty sure I am out of luck, but just wanted to make sure as this is my first time dealing with an incident. Thanks.""

Insurance for car accident?

I had a car accident where my mirror and signal were broken as well as my front door got skewed. The insurance company said that they either fix it at their garage or they estimate damage and give me money in return. Which is better?

Where can I get cheap car insurance for a 17 year old?

I need car insurance preferably under 3000, I can be a named driver on my dads insurance (he's been driving over 25 years and has 5 years no claims bonus). I have tried comparison websites and even for a 1L 1998 Vauxhall Corsa, they are quoting around 7,000 - it's daylight robbery!!! Where can I get cheap(ish) insurance from? What type of cars are best (eg new/old, engine size etc)? Thanks.""

Can Switching To Geico Really Save You 15% Or More On Car Insurance? Is it the cheapest?

""Florida law - Florida license, no car, so no insurance?

If someone with a Fl driver's license who doesn't have a car so doesn't have car insurance is involved in a car accident while driving someone else's car. Does the car owner's insurance cover the uninsured driver?

""Where can I find an AFFORDABLE health insurance in Dallas, TX?""

to cover my family; me, wife, 3 kids. without too much deductions. I only know Unicare and BlueCross offers lower rates, but wanted to see if you guys can find something lower than Unicare and BlueCross. Can I apply health insurance internationally like Canada or should I wait until Democrat president to setup an special health insurance plan (I forgot what its called)? Thanks!""

""Best Place for van insurance, young driver 24?""

I'm just wondering the where is the best place to look for cheap van insurance? I'm 24 and a carpenter by trade and I need to get my own van, something like a standard box ford transit.""

What is the average car insurance for young males with a black box installed?

I'm in the UK and my friend who is 17 who recently passed his test said his car insurance was just over 500 per year, as he had black box installed. (Also, not on his parents insurance either) I've read average figures for car insurance for young males is in the 3000-5000 range. So can the box really bring insurance down that much? I know figures vary for type of car and all that. But we're talking average here. I imagine most young people are not going to be able to afford brand new cars, and will be cost-concious, so will go for older models anyway. So the 3000+ figures still seem incredibly high for an average figure.""

What is the car insurance deposit?

What is the deposit you make on your car insurance? I'm not 100% sure. Do you get it back? I'm in the UK.

Any reason for a sudden hike in insurance quote prices?

Hello i've been looking through insurance quotes as i have my renewal coming up, i was possibly thinking of getting a different car so been fishing around, especially on my current insurers website for quotes. A couple of days ago i was getting nice quotes i was happy with for all the cars i was searching including my own. However tonight the majority of the quotes i am getting have increased by 600-700? All my details are exactly the same, its actually made me quite depressed as i have no idea how this has happened. Would anyone know why this may be?""

Where can I find cheap roofing insurance?

I am looking to start a roofing repair company (residential only at this time) . What I am going to do is secure the jobs, draw the contracts, purchase material and collect payment. I have 3 crews that will do the labor and they each provide liability as well as worker comp on their crews. What I looking for is a company that will insure me with liability (1 million) for my protection. What I am running into is that every company that I talk to says that you have to be in business for 2 years or greater or they are quoting me 7 to 9k a year. I have over 10 years experience in quoting, selling and installing, can anyone help out in finding affordable liability insurance? Thanks""

Can I finance a car while on my dads car insurance?

I am looking to get a used car really soon, I have saved up enough money to put a good down payment down and have had a steady job for a little over 2 years now. The question is, will dealerships let me finance a car even tho I am on the car insurance with me dad? I am 20 yrs old and I still have insurance with him because I am a college student and also because I still live with him""

Do you think this is a good price for auto insurance?

Is $201.12 a month for full coverage from State Farm a good deal? Progressive quoted me for $285 a month and it doesnt even include UM and the liability is at 10/20/25. State farm would cover me 25/50/25, auto death indemnity, UM, and more. I am a 22 year old female and i just got my license in Feb 07, and i live in Miami. This is for a 2003 Honda Civic LX 2dr coupe (paid in full). This is my first car. I was just wondering, if this is a good price compared to other people my age with similar coverage. I know my friend is paying $300 a month for his and hes 24.""

Green card holders now have to have health insurance?

I've just noticed an Answer in someone else question that said laws have changed and Green card holders how have to have health insurance, is this right, is there a link to this ...show more""

How much would full coverage auto insurance be?

I plan on getting a 2010 Dodge Challenger R/T Classic and was wondering about how much would full coverage be in Northern Virginia,I would ask the insurance company but I'm not the one with the policy and if you're wondering what insurance we have its Farmers.""

Do you have health insurance?

if so, how much is it per month? how old are you? what kind of deducatble do you have? Feel free to answer also if you do not have insurance and do you support obamacare?""

15 1/2 year old male insurence in california ?

How Do I Get Health Insurance?

I'm thinking of leaving my job to go freelance in California. I have no idea where to even start to look for a private health insurance plan. I have a preexisting condition, so I'd probably be turned down for most regular plans. Should I look for an independent broker? I've looked online and it's impossible to find one. Does anyone know SPECIFICALLY where to go and what to do?""

How much can I expect to receive in my auto accident settlement?

I was t-boned by an illegal mexican (in Phoenix, AZ, who'd have thought, right?) who was going 50 mph on my side of the car. There was 5K is damage to the car. Fortunately, I did not have any broken bones but the doctors STILL can't get my bones into correct position. I have been going to therapy for 4 going on 5 months. I am still attending therapy. I probably will do 6 months total in therapy. I am suing my own insurance company with Phillips & Associates. Can anyone tell me what would be reasonable amount to expect?""

About how much would the average insurance run for a 17 year old male driving a sports car it is a mustang?

Can a person with fully comp insurance drive an uninsured car?

Can a person with fully comp insurance drive an uninsured car? I have cancelled my insurance on my car as MOT is over. It's in a garage so don't matter. But if My father takes it to the MOT place can he drive it with his fully comp insurance he has on his car?

Is state farm a good insurance company?

just wonderin, anyone got any advice on a good one?""

Best insurance company in ..........................?

What is the best insurance company if I live in Alabraska?

I have a polish worker were can i find cheap car insurance for him?

How much would insurance be on a 1987 Fiero GT?

I don't know much about insurance rates and all that stuff, I'm only 17 and haven't taken the time to learn it. I just need a quick estimate on how much insurance would cost for such a car as that is what I'm looking at. Details welcome. Please don't start giving me advice on cars and trying to tell me what type of car I should get for my age. I would just like to know the answer to my question. Thanks.""

Van insurance young driver?

im 20 years old, been driving for 3 years with 1 year no claims, im a qualified tiler but i cant find van insurance cheaper than 6 grand anywhere its a joke, so i cant work cause i need a van wtf can i do""

How much is adding my teenager to my insurance policy?

how much is the averge amount that i would have to pay when i add my teen to my auto-insurance policy..with their own car.

Insurance Companies?

What kind of jobs are there at insurance companies and what is the salary for those jobs?

Can someone use a P.O. Box when applying for auto insurance?

Can someone use a P.O. Box when applying for auto insurance? I live in New Orleans, and the insurance for new and used vehicles is REALLY expensive. I have a clean record, and am applying for insurance on a non sporty vehicle (Honda Accord or Civic sedan). I was wondering if I can get a P.O. Box in another Parish (County) where the insurance is significantly cheaper. This way I can apply with that address rather than my residential. Thanks for your help!""

Group 1 Insurance License?

Hello, I need to get my group 1 insurance license to sell annuities in the state of Texas. I am honestly not sure where to go or what to do. What do I need to do? Thank you.""

Does my insurance liability have to match my room mate's?

They own their own home and I was told by their agent that my liability on my car has to match theirs for their protection. Note my car is very old and I just want the cheapest insurance I can get.

How much do you pay for ur car insurance every month and how old are u?

I pay $83.09 every month and i am 20 years old. is that too much??, keep in mind that i never had any kind of accident or anything and i started driving when i was 15. I kinda starting to think its a waste of money if u think about it.""

How much does car insurance cost for a new teenage driver being added to a parent's policy?

Right now I am in the process of getting a new car. I'm 18 years old. My mom wanted to add me to her policy, but she wants to get an idea of how much it would cost first. We live in Arizona. Her car insurance now through 21st century is only $60 per month. The car I would be getting is a 2010 ford fusion sport. And, I have an average gpa at school of over 3.0. Can anyone help me?""

How much would insurance be for a 17 year old male in Alabama?

Please only educated, backed-up answers.""

""I am turning 16 soon and I am a guy, What is a car that is sporty, but is safe and has low insurance?""

I need help selecting a car... I want a car that is sporty, has low insurance, and safe and very reliable with good MPG""

Cheapest Car Insurance in California?

I just moved to Los Angeles and I'm wondering what is the cheapest car insurance company in general? Thanks in advance!

I had medical insurance but did not submit the bills till after the insurance was done new insurance wont cove?

Any help would be appreciated this was actually a few years ago but my dad claimed he was working on it but nothing has been done. Its already gone to an outside collections agency. It was in California

""I am 17 years old,i am thinking about buying a car,what would be the insurance rate for a 2006 ford fusion?

what would be the insurance rate for a 2006 ford fusion SE/ year?

How does health insurance work??? Payment?

I'm 18, jobless. My parents will stop paying for my insurance soon. How do I get a new plan and what will the cost be? NO MEDICAID. also what if you're pregnant""

My son's Beretta car is now in his girlfriends name. He wants me to put insurance on it so it can be driven.?

I just want to know what the Michigan law is regarding insuring a car not in my name. And not in my possession. I get a good insurance rate now because I have always paid my bills on time. My sons girlfriend thinks I should do this for them. I don't and I won't but I promised to look into it today. I have two trucks already insured in my name and so does the girlfriend. I plan to speak today with my insurance man to find out what I can. Any suggestions besides being totally blunt with these 40 year old people? Just say no is a good policy and the right thing for me to do. But hard.

How much would car insurance be for an 18 year old male?

I currently am under my mom's car insurance and I have a 2000 Ford Focus. I plan on trading that in for a 2012 Ford Focus, and I was just wondering how much it would cost for me to insure that car. My monthly insurance payments aren't that expensive. I just don't want to be paying more than I can afford.""

""Returned glasses, what about insurance?""

I got glasses from lenscrafters, my insurance company paid $194 and I paid $130 for the glasses. I kept getting headache after using these glasses so I returned them back to Lenscrafters. They paid my $130 but I would like to know what will happen to $194 that my insurance company paid to lenscrafters. When I asked lenscrafters they asked me to inform insurance company to revoke the transaction but I see that my insurance company has already paid them. Please let me know my next steps here.""

15 1/2 year old male insurence in california ?

What's the best way to approach someone about buying life insurance?

""When it comes to your car insurance, when is it cheaper to let your kids get their licences?

is it smarter to wait until they are 18; if they get their licence before they are 18 do your rates go up higher or lower then if they waited until they're 18.

Is it wise to go on your parents car insurance?

Having looked around on car insurance website and seeing that my insurance would be as high as 2500, is it wise to go on my parents insurance. If they are the main driver and im the additional driver it comes down to just 1000. Is this illegal and what are the chances of getting caught if so? thanks x""

""Car insurance - 16 yr old boy, subaru impreza WRX?

How much is insurance for a 16 year old driving a subaru impreza WRX (turbo) who gets good grades and the car is white?

How much will car insurance cost me per month?

I'm 18, just passed my test in April and want to get insured on my mums car. I want to only get insured for the summer so lets say i want to be insured for one month on my mum's VW Golf 1.8. I know its a big engine but its an ancient car...i think its 18 years old and my mums insurance is quite cheap atm she has over 6 years NCB i think. So how much will it cost me to be insured for one month on my mums insurance?""

What is the best car insurance company?

I need to know what the cheapest car insurance is and is also reliable and still covers almost anything...(if such a thing exists) can someone help me?

Car insurance?

Is there any insurance company ,other than AMI ,that offers a nil excess option. The premium based on an optional excess of nil is obviously higher, which I understand. AMI is okay ...show more""

Can I get a motorcycle license without a drivers license ?

I am 16 and I live in Florida, I just want to get a motorcycle license without the whole drivers license thing because cheaper insurance. My parents are making me pay and I need it as cheap as possible. Thanks :)""

Good Insurance company?

What's a good insurance company the not expensive? I live in florida and tired of the big name companies. Good driving record too

What are the states that offer the best insurance premiums ?

What are the states that have the best insurance premiums for auto and homeowner's premiums for someone who is a LOW risk and have a very good history? Honest answers plz.

Why refused car insurance because of one criminal offence?

Can someone explain why this is happening, and since when? How does this affect your driving? I have one assault offence and have been refused car insurance, what nonsense is this country coming to?""

Motorcycle Insurance cost in Ontario?

I know it depends on a lot so I'll give you as much info as possible: age: 18 bike: honda cbr125r driving(car) record: spotless -the bike will be kept in my house overnight, and I'll only be using inner city (for work, school, social..) So guys I just need a rough estimate, doesn't have to be exact. how much would it cost be per year? Also, is insurance less if you're female like with car insurance? thanks for any help!""

""Car insurance,guy hit my car,cited by police,now denied it?""

my niece was involved in a traffic accident she was hit by a guy who suddenly changed lane from her right side he was cited by the police but now he fight them saying that he didnot hit my niece car when he changed the lane our car was completely damage and our insurance already paid us and said they will claim on our behalf with his insurance we just been suponea by the police to be witness at the court and the prosecutor told us that he might not be able to convicted him because his car did not show damage on the picture and the prosecutor advise us to let him propose to them to write us a check of $500 to cover our deductible he gave us the check but we did not cash it yet can they said now that they are not responsible for the hit and our insurance cannot claim them no more which mean that our insurance will cover the accident on their own and affect our premium? the whole bill for car+doctor is less than $9000 can someone tell me what will happen now ,we are honest people ,we really do not understand why the other part try to do this,they have insurance too please advise,thank you so very much""

Are there any affordable insurance companies that cover preexisting conditions?

Is regular insurance better than repricing when you ned to have surgery and the condition is considered preexisting?

Claiming Back car insurance?

Is it possible, i have been paying car insurance on my car for three months, while it has been out of use at the garage i purchased it from, due to the engine blowing! The garage have taken over 3 months to sort it under warranty, and the car is covered under there insurance, i didnt cancel the insurance due to thinking it wouldnt take this long! as i pay 140 a month it tolals up to alot and i was wondering if can claim any of the insurance premium back?? They still have the car useless Evans Halshaw be warned, only had the car 8 weeks..""

What term life insurance policy should I get for a 60 yr old man?

My father is 60, smoker and taking Zocor. Normal weight. The quotes I have seen for a 10 yr term for $150,000 are $180 a month. Does that seem right? Anyone know a cheaper one? Basically I inherit the house while my relative gets the cash, so it's all fair. I would make the payments and leave my relative as the beneficiary. Thanks""

Why is my car insurance so expensive?

I'm a 20 year old who just passed my test 3 weeks ago and I can't seem to get a quote lower than 2400! I am the registered owner of a 1.2 V reg Vauxhall Corsa, however it doesn't seem to matter what car I am driving. Has there been a huge increase in car insurance during the past year? I always expected a cheaper quote than this.""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

I'm young and living on my own so I really need car insurance thats good but reasonably priced.

Why do we need health insurance?

People complain about not being able to afford health insurance, and people aslo complain that the health insurance they do have doesn't cover what they need it to cover. Doesn't it seem more like health insurance is the middle man that keeps the price of health related goods and services at such a rate that is unattainable by the majority of US citizens? Wouldn't the tens of thousands of doctors be forced to lower their rates to an affordible rate if health insurance, as a standard practice, was abolished?""

Can a 17 year old get insurance in her name in mo?

I'm 17 and i have my own car, dont live at home 2 hours away to be spacific, have a job and a son i turn 18 really soon and i was just wondering is it possible to get insurance in my name? Its in the baby daddys name right now but its like 200 dollars a month and i think its so high because his age sex and criminal record and his wrecks. For me i have never been in a car wreck or in trouble with the law and attending GED classes until school starts back up and then im going to take my ged at the school and get my hs diploma ive heard if your attending school or what not there are discounts. Any way please just answer my ? all rude comments will be deleted thanks!!!""

Does a parking ticket effect my insurance?

I received a ticket today for not cramping my wheels to the curb while parking uphill. Will that effect my insurance? And will my parking violation appear anywhere on my insurance statement or any car paperwork? Thank you :)

What auto insurance company has the best rates for teenagers?

i live in ontario ca if that helps and i drive a 95 caprice

What are other sources of towing insurance?

Besides AAA and getting towing insurance from your insurance company, are there any other good sources? thanks""

""Diamond Car Insurance? gave the cheapest quote, anybody use or used them?""

I am 21 year old female wanting to start my own insurance policy instead of being 2nd driver on my mums car. I have a Toyota Rav4 Sport, which insurance companies are good with younger people please (the car is 8 years old, so not worth a great deal)""

Is obligation have a motorcycle insurance in the USA?

Hi, im in Friona Texas and i have a car, but insurance is so expensive because im 20, so i think in buy a motorcycle because i hear that the motorcycle insurance is more cheap than car insurance, but is this truth? I hear than pay 400 for year So how much pay for insurance and is obligation have a motorcycle insurance?""

15 1/2 year old male insurence in california ?

How much would insurance be for...?

A 2001 Audi TT, Turbo I think. It would be for a 16-17 year old. Kept in the drive way or a locked garage. I think the car itself is about $6,000 without tax. Dont tell me abunch of stuff like all these statistics and stuff like depending on .... I just want your personal opinoin/rough estimate how much it would be per year or month. I would probably be the occasional driver, and my dad would probably be the primary driver, even though Id drive it more often. Just give me a rough estimate in your opinoin.""

Would you switch car insurance companies after 10 years to save money?

Since 1997 I've been with the same car insurance company. Have had FANTASTIC service and support with claims and general questions. I use the same company for car insurance, home owner's insurance, life insurance, and to manage my IRA. When pricing out alternatives I realize that I could save about $50 a month by switching my car insurance to esurance. I attempted to get my current insurance to match their price without success. I'm very leery about possibly loosing my excellent service and support from my current company. Would you switch to a new company, and possibly a worse company, to save money?? I can easily afford my current company, but I'd obviously love having an extra $50 a month to plan with.""

Can you deny the other parent taking the kids because of no car insurance?

I have a friend who recently found out that his ex-wife doesn't have car insurance. He's telling her that she cannot come pick up the kids because not having insurance is illegal. It's stupid and petty, but would it hold water in court?""

Does she have to pay the no insurance ticket?

My daughter just completed her drivers ed class so I let her drive to school. she was stopped and ticketed for no license and no insurance my car is covered and current. Q does she have to pay the no insurance ticket

AAA insurance question! I just got my license!?

I just got my license today! I'm 18 and live in California. 1. Can I drive with people under 18? 2. My mom has AAA auto insurance for her car, and that's what I was driving when I had my permit. Is it still ok to drive the car now that I have my license? 3. I didn't understand the scoring system. I got 5 wrong, and obviously passed what is that in a letter grade or percent? Thanks. God Bless.""

Car Insurance question?

ok so im a newbie teen at understanding all this so this may sound dumb. When you get car insurance is it insuring the car? or are you getting it to insure you AND the car? my mom said something about adding me onto her insurance as a driver so under her policy that she has she would just add me as a driver? like can someone help me understand like the basics please.

""What is the best rate (cheapest) for basic liability car insurance in ontario , primmum insurance told me?""

thier rates is 135.00 / month and i have perfect driving record ,can any one help me plz""

How much would car insurance be for me? I'm am 16 years old and get overall good grades.?

Some other things that might help are, - 16 year old Male - It will be under my parents credit/name ( They have Allstate ) - I would be driving my dads 2004 Ford Explorer (Once in a while his 2011 Nissan Altima) - Like I said, overall good grades - I live in Tooele Utah Please give my positive answers! Thanks!""

Car insurance for teens... cost?!?

im 17 years old and im getting a miata 93. how much will insurance cost be around. by the way i have good grades

Questions about car insurance?

Okay, so my car got stolen a couple of days ago. Who ever stole it ripped it apart and left it to get towed. It was a 1990 Toyota Camry. I paid $100/month for full coverage on the car, and I was told that I am not going to get anything from the insurance company for the car. How does that make sense? Am I just stupid or is there something wrong here?""

Question about car insurance on L PLATES in england?

Hi there,i was wondering if you could please help me here i am due to take my theary test soon but befour i do i was going to get a car and drive round on L PLATES with my lessons aswell so i can get extra experiance,i was just wondering if i am to do this il get the car inshored forwhat it costs me to insure say its 700 a year when i have passed my best i will wanna take the L PLATES off,will i have to pay more for my insurance after this or can i just take them off and drive as normal when i have passed my test?because if i got insured on LPLATES it is cheaper then a first pasts driver thas why i was confused.if you could please let me know because i really could do with the estra experiance....and also i was told that who ever i drive round with on LPLATES has to be insured on my car for them to be able to instruct me is this true? thanks for your time and help many thanks, Andrew.""

Sr22 insurance Texas?

I need an sr22 insurance for Texas, but a cheap one. Any tip?""

Sex change car insurance?

If a man gets a sex change into a women with boobs and everything would he be then entitled to womens only car insurance?

What is the Cheapest Homeowners Insurance for Senior Citizen?

My elderly neighbor has had her homeowners insurance cancelled because she couldnt afford to pay it. She is on a fixed income and her children do not help in any way. She owns her home but is having a hard time with paying the large payments. her mortage company says that if she doesnt take out her own insurance then they will purchase it for her at a cost of 2100.00 per year. This is way too much for a Senior citizen. i got a quote for her from progressive for 2600.00. Are there any cheaper alternatives?

An individual purchasing auto insurance is an example of:?

An individual purchasing auto insurance is an example of: Answer Hedging. Passing risk to someone else. Risk premium. Systematic risk. a and d

Car Insurance for a New Driver?

hi, I just got my license like 2 days ago and I have a question about car insurance. My dad won't let me drive until I get insurance, but he said I have to wait until I actually get my real dirver's license card in the mail. When I asked the dmv how long it would take for me to recieve it, they said like 4-6 weeks. So I was wondering if the insurance company will allow me to have car insurance coverage with my temporary license, or do I actually have to wait until I get my card license to be able to drive. Because if I'm not allowed to get insurance with my temp paper license, then does that mean I'm not allowed to drive? Because then I won't be covered if I get in a car accident right? So I'm not really sure on how this works. Please Help! Thanks""

Hi im 17 years old and i was wondering whats the cheapest insurance company?

ive been all over the internet and cant find anything less than 4 grand :| as second driver aswell... please help i just got my licence and car but cannot get insured. my cars a 1 litre corsa..

What is the average cost of car insurance for a 16 year old male?

I need it for a school project PLEASE HELP!

Does federal violation notice of violation affect my insurance and DMV history?

I live in California and I received a Federal violation notice during a trip to grand canyon and it was because I passed a stop sign ( it is stated as unsafe operation in my ticket). Within the instructions on the ticket it says if you plead guilty and pay the fine, we may or we may not report it to the DMV. Does anyone know if this ticket is going to be counted as a point and affect my car insurance? It seems too complicated and costly to go to court in this case and I paying the fine seems the only practical way!""

How much do insurance adjusters cost?

I am fighting with my insurance company regarding fixing my motor on my boat. The insurance company already denied my claim. So now, I asked them for a second opinion and was told by the claims representative that I would have to pay for the second adjuster to come out. However, her boss did not tell me that I would have to pay out of my pocket for a second adjuster to come out and look at my boat. So I was wondering how much will it (might) cost me to have the second adjuster to come out.""

Will I be able to buy car insurance?Thanks?

Im 19 and I was on my dads Metropolitan insurance company. I had 2004 Honda Civic but my dad had the car title in his name. I crashed my car and I was at fault so now we're waiting for the case to settle. My dad wants to wait for the case to settle before I buy another car. The case might take another year or more before its settled. I would like to buy my own insurance and my own car. How will the insurance work out or whats the cheapest insurance? Thanks

Why is it the law to have car insurance?

I mean if I get into a car wreck. Will the insurance company really cover the cost of me getting into an accident? It feels like I will just be dumping money down their throats for nothing in return.

Info About Car Insurance Needed?

Why are these 2 cars so different on insurance: Cheapest price: 1781.36 VOLKSWAGEN GOLF CL 4+E 1595cc Third Party Only cover, no NCB 250 Voluntary excess requested and Cheapest price: 3006.11 SUZUKI ALTO GL 993cc Third Party Fire & Theft cover, no NCB 500 Voluntary excess requested the 1st one has almost twice the size engine than the 2nd one, and the 1st one is almost half the price than the 2nd one oh and the 1st one is a bigger car all together too... someone explain please?""

What is the best health insurance plan in Chicago?

I am self-employed and want to get health insurance. I am trying to find the most cost-effective plan with the most service for the lowest price and least hassle.

""When i buy my first car, do i buy insurance before i pick it up from the previous owner?

or can i drive it to my house after paying for it and then buy an insurance.. also how to i register it on my name.. is there a document the owner will sign after i pay him for the car?

15 1/2 year old male insurence in california ?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/best-insurance-price-i-could-get-priscilla-english"

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[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

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