#I’m Very fond of the Everywhere album there’s also Another. Song in there I like to attribute to him for plot 👀 porpoises 👀 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

swimmingleo · 3 years

Text

Harry Styles and Two Loves - A love that dare not speak its name.

‼️Disclaimer I am in no way an English literature expert or student for that matter and can barely organize my thoughts but I’ll try my best. If something doesn’t make sense or is regretful thinking please tell me‼️

Basically Harry is a fervent reader that does not limit himself to Buk*wski and Mur*kami though for some reason he loves to bring up those dudes. Queer literature seems to play a big role when it comes to his inspiration and I love that about his music. A good example is his Shakesqueer Sweet Creature madness. But another one that I hold close to my heart are the parallels he draws with Alfred Douglas’ poem, Two Loves.

Here is the full poem. Give it a read if you can because I won't break it down verse by verse for this post sorry :(

To make it short, the poem is about the narrator (let's say Douglas) wandering in a garden where he meets a young man that turns out to be his lover. For context, Alfred Douglas was very much queer and in a romantic relationship with Oscar Wilde. Both developed their own coded language to express their love and ''sexual tendencies'' through their art (been this way foreverrr will we ever leaarn). However they were not always so sneaky about it and Two Loves in particular was so in your face that it was used against Wilde to prove his homosexuality in trial. He did get away with it this time. Here is his defense. Blueprint of denials. No iPhones at the time.

In Two Loves, two different personifications of love introduce themselves to Douglas and his lover:

The first love is loud and cheerful and sings about pretty women and men that love the said pretty women.

The second love is discreet, almost erased by the other’s presence but is beautiful and draws the attention of the narrator.

Obviously the first love is Heterosexuality, the one that is openly praised by society and the second is Homosexuality who is bullied into silence by Heterosexuality if he tries to speak. The poem ends with Homosexuality saying "I am the love that dare not speak its name." Yeah. And isn’t that the story of H’s career.

HS1 opens with MMITH which ends on "We don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do". And from there follows SOTT, "We don’t speak enough". And right after we get the very loud, very explicit and very well documented Carolina. So far the album narration goes "There is something painful going on but we can’t talk about it, I say ‘we’ because there is a you and I and yeeEEAAH THIS GIRL I MET ONCE GETS A WHOLE SONG THE WORLD DESERVES TO KNOW HOW GOOD SHE FEELS FOR A LADDY LAD LIKE ME ALSO HER NAME IS TOWNES YOU CAN CHECK FOR YOURSELF SEE IF SHES REAL I LOVE REAL WOMEN AS IN WOMEN THAT EXIST". Heterosexuality is loud and sings about pretty women right.

But then, THEN we get Two Ghosts. Which is the center piece of this whole post. I mean, the title... Two Ghosts//Two Loves Two hearts in one home ? Sick.

The parallel that hits the most is the physical description that is made of Douglas’ lover and of Homosexuality (which are technically two different characters in the poem).

Douglas’ lover / Homosexuality

Same lips red / Same eyes blue / Same white shirt

Red were his lips / His lips were red / His eyes were clear as crystal / His large eyes were strange with wondrous brightness / White as the snow / His cheeks were wan and white

In Douglas’ poem, it is meant to be understood that the young boy he meets first, his lover, is related to Homosexuality through their physical appearance. Douglas’ love is therefore inherently queer. With Two Ghosts, I’ve always wondered why Harry chose specifically to point out a white shirt as it comes across a bit generic and not really personal yk? But if you compare it to Two Loves, it checks out the recurrent descriptive color scheme: red, blue and white. In both works, red are the lips, blue are the eyes, and white is the ~envelopp. RIGHT. I suppose Harry didn’t feel like describing his lover with pale white skin since it’s brown with lemon over ice when under summer skies so he went with a plain white shirt instead.

I’m not going through a whole analysis of Two Ghosts yet I can safely say that it deals with unspoken words. Not saying things is a recurrent theme in H’s songwriting but within the album, Two Ghosts is the first song that deals with it through the undeniable prism of romantic love. Right before with Carolina, H had no issue being straightforward and wanted to "scream and shout it out", but with Two Ghosts he’s tongue tied and doesn’t say what he really means. Communication issues go on with the following track Sweet Creature, btw may I just:

But oh, Sweet Creature (!), Sweet Creature

Would he […] cry "O sweet creature!", Othello

I cried "Sweet youth…, Two Loves

Queer Literaturry is going wild(e).

Expanding this post with Sweet Creature allows me to speak about the garden metaphor. In lyric poetry, the expression of emotions is often done through nature. It is a process that Harry seems pretty fond of when singing about love (ie Olivia, Adore You, WS, Canyon Moon and Sunflower are good examples) but it’s way more subtle with TG and SC. In Two Ghosts, nature is the moon, and in Sweet Creature it’s the garden.

Would you look at that, Two Loves happens to combine both:

Moon dances over your good side and this was all we used to need, Two Ghosts

Running through the garden oh where nothing bothered us, Sweet Creature

Flowers that were stained with moonlight / Alone in this fair garden, till he came unasked by night, Two Loves

For Harry, the night is where the moon enhances his lover’s beauty, when it’s just the two of them and they need nothing more than each other. The garden is where they run (free?away?), once again alone, unbothered. For Douglas, Homosexuality took form and began to occupy the garden at night, while Heterosexuality who thrives in the golden light (um I- nvm) wasn’t paying attention.

It is also interesting to note that Homosexuality is associated with the night but also with death. And he’s super pale. So like… A ghost ? ANYWAY.

The garden in Two Loves is where love happens, it is a piece of heaven. It’s elevated on a hill and untamed with flowers of various colors growing everywhere. There is sunshine and moonlight, there are "pools that dreamed" and by pools I assume the author means vernal pools which are habitats where flowers grow and oh look over there:

Nice ruffles on that white shirt by the way. Very Victorian.

Two Ghosts, 2017 Mularry so true

So yeah. I don’t want to go into full analysis mode but I find it all interesting. Once again, Two Loves holds a great significance regarding the Oscar Wilde’s lore, and Harry is probably very familiar with anything Wilde related (don’t even start) and by that I think about the Carnation business.

I’ll just conclude with that quote from Maurice by E.M Forster whom I love very much:

"I am an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort."

#song analysis #idk if it has been widely discussed already #ive done a bit of research and i haven't found anything but if you've seen similar posts dont hesitate to pass me the links #anyway first try at this kind of rambling i hope it's ok eek #but really I love this parallel or at least the idea i make of it lol #harry styles #two ghosts #queer inspo #my analysis

168 notes · View notes

lady-divine-writes · 3 years

Text

Klaine one-shot “Artistic Differences” (Rated NC17)

Summary: Kurt and Blaine have known each other all their lives. They've loved each other almost as long. But as Blaine uses his love for Kurt as inspiration for his music, Kurt has yet to reciprocate. And since painting is Kurt's entire world, Blaine is worried about what that might mean for the two of them. (2703 words)

Notes: I had been writing this for the @klaineadvent Drabble Challenge 2020 prompt 'opinion'. I finally finished it. Wee! XD

Read on AO3.

Baby, you're not alone...

'Cause you're here with me...

And nothing's ever gonna bring us down...

'Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you...

And you know it's true...

It don't matter what'll come to be...

Our love is all we need to make it through...

Blaine stops singing when he notices an echo haunting his lyrics, lingering on the high notes for longer than written. He listens with eyes closed, smiling at his keyboard.

His boyfriend Kurt, humming behind the melody.

Blaine has been ironing this song out for the past three hours now but Kurt hasn't complained once about the constant stopping and starting.

He never does.

Blaine peeks over his shoulder as he continues to play with the harmonies and watches Kurt, focused on the canvas in front of him, swaying to the rhythm of the music, happily sandwiched between his two passions - art and music.

It's a mild and sunny Saturday - a whole day devoted to cleaning up commissions and tying loose ends on weekly projects before their one day off together. Blaine and Kurt share a studio space - normally unheard of for an artist and a musician, but they make it work. It helps that they've known one another for so long that being alone together is the same as being alone with themselves. That also means they get the inside scoop on what the other is working on long before the public does.

And what they're not working on, which has begun to bother Blaine.

Blaine adores everything his talented boyfriend comes up with. Even regarding his more controversial works, there isn't a thing Kurt has painted that Blaine finds objectionable. Kurt puts his heart and soul into every painting, no matter who it's for, and no matter the subject. A writer from Artforum once wrote: "Kurt Hummel goes beyond the veil to showcase not just the external, but the core of every subject - their drives and motivations. It pairs nicely with the transparency of his own soul, which shines through the gouache and the gesso to leave the viewer with a tangible piece."

And therein lies the root of Blaine's problem.

A glance at one of Kurt's canvasses and the world knows everything it needs to about what he loves.

But one subject in particular has gone wholly unrepresented.

“How come you've never painted a portrait of me?” Blaine asks.

"Hmm... what's that, love?" Kurt mutters, switching out brushes, then moving from a blob of Titanium White to a smear of Winsor Blue.

"How come you've never painted a portrait of me?" Blaine rises off his piano bench and relocates to the wooden folding chair behind Kurt's easel in the hopes of pulling his attention a bit. "You've been an artist for as long as I've known you, and I've known you your entire life. But not once have you ever painted a portrait of me."

“Why do I need to? I have you right here," Kurt says, pretending to bop the tip of Blaine's nose with his brush. "Besides, these aren’t personal." His gaze bounces between the three canvases set on easels in an arc in front of him. "They’re bought and paid for.”

"But what about your private stuff? You've shown me your sketchbooks and your digital art files. Unless you have some hidden folder marked 'secret boyfriend art' that I've yet to come across, there's not a single piece of me in any of your work."

Kurt doesn't steer his gaze away from the apple he's adding highlights to to acknowledge his pouty boyfriend, but the corner of his mouth hitches. "If you say so, dear."

"I know so," Blaine grumps, crossing his arms over his chest and dropping back in the chair so hard he nearly topples it over.

"That's your opinion."

"You're evading."

"Is it really so important to you?"

"Yes! It would be nice to be immortalized by my artist boyfriend!"

Kurt snickers. "Are you that much of a narcissist?"

"Your art is important to you! More than that - it's your life! You paint everything that you love! You've made dozens of paintings of Finn, your father, your mother, your Navigator... "

"My Navigator is my baby. It deserves love. I don't get to drive it much living in the city," Kurt defends. "Besides, those paintings I posted on Instagram landed me a huge contract with Lincoln, and that paid for our month-long tryst to Bali. You're welcome, by the way."

"I'm not saying I'm not grateful... " Blaine pauses, the smile on his face a souvenir from thirty straight days of overindulgence in sex and alcohol. "I think I more than proved that on that private beach? Under the moonlight?"

"Yeah, you did," Kurt growls, silently hoping that will be the end of this discussion.

"But... " Blaine picks up and Kurt's heart sinks.

No luck.

"... nowhere am I present in your work. Not that I've seen. Not even in the abstract. And that makes me think... "

"Think what?" Kurt mutters, his playful attitude fading the longer this conversation drags on.

Blaine sighs, realizing how much like a spoiled toddler he sounds. But he's in too deep to stop now. "That you don't expect me to be around long."

Kurt's snicker turns into a full-blown chortle. "We've been together forever! You staked a claim on me in kindergarten! Are you suddenly going somewhere?"

"Can't you take this seriously?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's ridiculous!"

Blaine huffs. "Great. So my feelings are ridiculous."

"No, Blaine, your feelings are valid. This argument is ridiculous. Believe it or don't, you don't know everything about me. Or my work. What does it matter what I put on a canvas? I told you that I love you! That I would always love you! I tell you over and over and over! Those are my words! My truth! Listen to my truth!"

"B-but what if you change your mind?" Blaine grimaces when that toddler inside him begins throwing an all-out tantrum.

"Then I change my mind!" Kurt groans, slamming his free hand down on an open tube of Dandelion Green, sending a thick ribbon of paint a good four feet. "I'm allowed to change my mind! And so are you! But I don't see that happening!"

"Then why won't you marry me?"

Kurt pulls a face, probably without thinking about it. "Because I'm not very fond of marriage."

"Why not? Your parents had a great marriage! And your father has a wonderful second marriage!"

"But your parents don't have a very good marriage, do they? Nor your older brother, who's been divorced twice already! " Kurt argues, frustration causing him to forget himself and clean his stained hand on the untucked hem of his shirt instead of a rag. That should be a huge red-flag for Blaine to back down, yet he doesn't. Common sense? Sorry, don't know her. "And the national average isn't that great, either. Doesn't it mean more that I choose to stay with you instead of feeling obligated to?"

Blaine doesn't have an answer for that, even though the answer is obviously yes. Of course, it does. And in high school, that would have been enough to shut Blaine up. But admitting to that feels too much like conceding, and this one time, this is an argument he wants to win. "Did you hear that song I've been working on?" Blaine asks, switching gears so quickly, it puts Kurt on edge.

"Yes," Kurt replies, his voice becoming tight quickly. "It's lovely."

"I wrote it for you."

"Thank you. It sounds wonderful. Another huge hit in the making."

"It's the 15th song I've written in your honor."

"Wow," Kurt says dryly, predicting the direction this is heading. "That many?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's an incredibly kind and loving gesture, one that I didn't know required reciprocation."

"It doesn't require reciprocation. But it would be nice."

Kurt rolls his eyes at Blaine's agenda. Tit for tat. Is that how this is supposed to work? "From what I remember, those songs made you a pretty penny."

"So?"

"So, it's not like you wrote them for me and kept them between us. Most of those songs are chart-toppers."

"But I didn't release them for the money! I wouldn't care if they didn't make me a dime! I put them on the albums because I'm not afraid to let the world know how I feel about you!"

Kurt's brow furrows as he fights through a blooming headache to decode that declaration. Once he gets it, he gasps. "I'm not hiding you away if that's what you're implying! You go with me EVERYWHERE! Every gallery opening, every art show! There have been articles written about our relationship! You're no dirty little secret!"

"I never said I was."

"No?" Kurt chuckles bitterly. "You're sure implying it a great deal!"

"That's not what this is about."

"You're right. It's not. Blaine!" Kurt tosses his brush into a mug of water and starts pacing the floor. "I am a gay artist walking a very fine line."

"I'm a gay artist, too!" Blaine says, offended.

"But you're a musician. And a songwriter. Musicians are supposed to use love as their muse. Writing about your relationship is expected... unless you're Taylor Swift, apparently."

"Yeah. What's up with that?"

Kurt shrugs. "I don't know. The point is that the second I make a piece of art about our relationship in any way, shape, or form, I'm afraid that's all it will be about, no matter what I intend."

"Isn't art supposed to be subject to interpretation?"

"That's just it! If I hint that my art has anything to do with you, that will become the only interpretation. Because too many straight people see the homosexual experience as solely about the right to fuck who we want to fuck and nothing else. I make a portrait about you or dedicated to you, and after that... " Kurt's eyes leave Blaine's face, scanning the room and his canvasses all around for help making his argument. He finds a painting of a forest they hiked through in Bali and stops there "... a tree that I paint will no longer be just a tree. It will become a symbol. In a forest of evergreens, if one needle is slightly browner than the rest because the paint oxidizes weirdly or whatever, then it'll be about you and me on the skids and nothing else. And I don't want that to happen."

Blaine turns in his chair to find the painting Kurt is staring at. On the surface, it's trees, dirt, and sky, but underneath, it's much more than that. That painting of their beloved paradise is perfection - so much so that he can feel the sun on his face, the breeze kissing his cheek, smell the sunscreen on his skin. "I understand what you're saying, but... "

"But?" Kurt grinds out between his teeth. This is the frustrating thing about arguing with Blaine. Even when he says he sees Kurt's point of view, he doesn't seem to really.

And when he's not winning, he gets dismissive.

"... I think you're overthinking things a little."

"And you're not?"

"Another evade," Blaine says, pointing at him in a way reminiscent of his brother's only acting technique.

Kurt grabs the hair at his temple and pulls to keep from flinging the palette in his hand like a frisbee at Blaine's head. "Isn't it more important that you know how I feel about you? You inspire me every day! Your love, your support, your music - they feed my soul! But do I have to plaster it on a wall to make it real?"

"That's kind of an empty question because you don't! There are no paintings of me! Not even in our apartment! And I'm sorry, but I think that's very telling!"

Kurt nods, his lips pulled taut. "You're right, Blaine. Not one. And it is very telling." He drops his palette on his work table and circles the room, grabbing finished canvases and carrying them over. He positions them purposefully, placing some under UV lights he has mounted to runners on the ceiling.

"What... what are you doing?" Blaine asks with worry, wondering if Kurt is about to do something hasty, something that will ruin his paintings, waste all those hours of work, jeopardize the money he has yet to collect for them.

Kurt doesn't answer.

He doesn't even look at him.

He works silently, his shoulders rigid, his footsteps heavy as he collects paintings Blaine forgot about, paintings that had made Blaine bristle because they were of places they had been to together, things they had made a point to see only with each other, but not a one included him. Those Kurt flips upside down.

He swipes a squeeze bottle of clear liquid from his army of supplies. It could be water. It could be paint thinner. Blaine doesn't know, but he's not certain he wants to find out. He's about to leap off his seat to stop him, but Kurt switches off the overhead lights, turns on the UVs, and Blaine stops. He watches in horror as Kurt douses the flipped canvases in fluid, but the paint doesn't run. Whatever is in that bottle, it sticks, but only in certain areas, and before it dries completely, Kurt dusts the paintings with a fine powder, one that brings hidden images to life beneath the lights.

“Oh my God,” Blaine mutters, stepping back to get a better look.

Every painting, in one way or another, is of him. Of them. And not just recently. There are images of them from college, high school... middle school. There are profiles of Blaine in the negative space between flowers of one painting, and in the clouds of another. A fluorescent image of teenaged him playing guitar to a silhouette of Kurt sitting beside him. There are shadows of them dancing, singing, even a daring one of them making love up against a wall.

And the flipped landscapes? Their vacation pictures, as it were? The glowing dust reveals portraits hiding in plain sight, painted upside down and invisible to the naked eye. All of these images, Kurt painted in ways where no one would detect them if they weren't looking for them. If they didn't know they were there.

And they are in every. single. one.

Now that he's seen this, it's safe to assume all of Kurt's works carry similar Easter eggs, even paintings long gone.

"Why... why didn't you tell me about this?" Blaine asks, too stuck on stupid to move, walk from painting to painting and examine them properly.

"Why did I need to? I love you. I've told you. What else did I need to prove?"

Blaine shakes his head slowly, ashamed of himself. What an imbecile he is! Kurt is absolutely right. He loves him! He didn't need to prove it! The hurt Blaine felt - that was on him. It wasn't Kurt's responsibility to fix it. There isn't a day that goes by where Kurt doesn't show his love to Blaine in one way or another. Blaine didn't need this. He really didn't.

And right now, he doesn't feel he deserves it.

On a side note, how wrapped up in his own crap has he been that here, in this space that they share, where proximity has forced Kurt to memorize every song Blaine has been writing for his latest album while he paints, that he never realized just how frickin' talented his boyfriend is!?

"Kurt... " Blaine finally finds the strength to take a step forward, drawn to that ghostly image of them making love. It's a simple shadow of the moment, but it evokes a powerful memory "... these are incredible. How did you... ?" Blaine expects an answer before he can finish. Kurt is rarely shy about discussing his work.

Though Blaine should use this opening to his advantage - apologize since those should have been the first words out of his mouth.

But he gets nothing.

"Kurt?" Blaine looks over his shoulder in search of his boyfriend, ready to make amends.

But Kurt is gone.

#klaine fanfiction #klaine fic #klaine #blangst

39 notes · View notes

ilooklikeaburntchickenugget · 3 years

Text

Only Mine (Pt. 6)

A/N: We’re using Taylor songs again because we love Queen Taylor. So these are not my works (obviously) but hers. However if you’ve never heard some of these I would highly suggest you check them out because all Taylor songs are absolute bops. Pairing: Gerard Way x F!Pop Star!Reader Word count: 3,541 Warnings: Swearing, implied sex (no smut though), arguing (minor)

You found the release of Fractious to be the most ironic days of your life.

You were in the media everywhere, selling only a few thousands copies less in it’s first week than your previous record. Which you were fine with, that was somewhat of the plan.

But you were no where to be seen. Hiding out in a new house you and Gerard had bought New Jersey for just under three million dollars. But no one knew about that purchase, other than your closest family and friends. Because no one needed to know.

The suspense of it all started extremely high, as you only announced the album 12 hours prior to its drop. And the world went insane, fans jumping to Twitter to go absolutely crazy over this new persona that they had already began to love, and some had already caught onto the ‘good girl gone bad’ idea.

You released the entire tracklist only three hours before the drop, and you were already stalking fan pages who began making theories about what it meant. There were already a lot of ‘THIS ONE’S ABOUTE GERARD’ and theories already popping up about him, which made you lightly smile knowing damn well a lot of it was.

The tracklist read: Blank Space I Knew You Were Trouble Style End Game I Did Something Bad I Know Places Out Of The Woods Dancing With Our Hands Tied Don’t Blame Me Getaway Car Clean

You smiled and lightly laughed once you refreshed your phone on the couch, your face and name at the top of iTunes and various other music providers promoting your new album.

“Congrats babe.” Gerard said from where he sat next to you, giving you a kiss and squeezing your thigh, “I’m proud of you.” “Thanks Gee.” You leaned your head onto his shoulder, “I love you. So much.” “I love you more.” He smiled down.

What made it all the better was how MCR was entering into their punk era, only making your album and new persona more believable. You had to admit, Gerard’s red and shaggy hair was really hot, and you were living for it, as you had told him a million times.

And you knew how much he loved your new era. As much as he genuinely loved the real, bubbly you (which is of course why he married you) he continuously admired your new all black look, managing to wear skin tight jeans and short shorts with more crop tops than usual and leather jackets galore. And you can’t forget how many pairs of Doc Martins you had, plus Louboutin boots all for the red bottoms. You basically looked like a filthy rich home wrecker, AKA the look you were going for.

But at home and in private you were the same old Y/N, always letting your natural hair fall into its regular ways, with little to no makeup and not ashamed to wear whatever you wanted.

What seemed to put the cherry on top to this new era was the newest addition to your family, AKA a black french bulldog named Rocko the two of you got. He was a tornado of chaos who would run around the house with his dozens of toys, taunting you and Gerard with them as if to show some form of superiority that he clearly lacked. You treated him like he was a newborn baby, constantly. You bought him clothes, beds, and toys, letting him sleep with you and Gerard despite your husbands protests about how he “took up too much room”. To you, the little canine could do nothing wrong.

That was until he chewed up your favorite pair of shoes, which just oh so happened to cost multiple hundreds of dollars. Gerard was furious at his actions, complaining that there was no reason for him to do so with the countless amount of toys he already had. You were mad at first too, but after only a few seconds of the pup giving you his eyes of sympathy you forgave him and moved on as if nothing happened. Gerard was still in his state of anger though.

“Oh, look, the designs for the tour outfits came in.” You smiled from where you laid on the couch, checking emails on your laptop, Rocko at your feet sitting between you and Gerard who was reading a book. You opened up the file to be greeted with all dozen outfits, which were beyond perfect. Gerard looked over, interested in the topic. “I like that one.” You pointed to one especially scandalous duo of tiny shorts and an even smaller top that could have been easily mistaken for a bra if it wasn’t for the thicker material on the all black set with black tights. “It makes me look like a whore.” Gerard nearly spat out his coffee.

“But you’re not a whore.” “Yeah, well, my alter ego is.” You smiled. “And you made her that way.” You looked up at him from quickly, “Take that as a compliment.” “How is me turning my wife into a whore a compliment?” He asked, puzzled.

“Just take it as one.” You huffed.

“I do think you’ll look bad ass in it though,” He remarked, returning to his book.

“Awww, thanks babe.” You blushed, “Maybe I’ll ask them to make you a matching outfit.” You lightly laughed. “Haha, very funny.” He rolled his eyes.

“It sucks we’ll be touring at the same time.” You sighed, “I miss being able to see you and the guys more.” “Yeah I miss you too,” He sighed as well, “And Ray does too.” You lightly laughed.

“Ray’s coming to the first show, right?” You asked, looking up at Gerard. He nodded.

“He cleared all of his schedule to go and he’s pumped.” You smiled.

“Good.” You closed your laptop, climbing over to give Gerard a kiss, which he happily accepted and did the same back. “Somedays I wish you kissed me the way as you do Frank.” You lightly smiled, letting go as he chuckled.

“I mean, I could.” He smiled at you, running his hands through your hair, “But that’s more aggressive and in the moment. I prefer to savor the kisses I have with you, let you know how much I love you.” You smiled, lightly rolling your eyes.

“You’re so sappy sometimes, Gee.” You responded, “But I love it.”

That night, as you were going to bed, you stopped in your mirror momentarily to take a look at yourself. You had gained 25-ish pounds since your break from the spotlight, still recovering from your ED. Your doctor said that you were healthy now, but some of the fatrolls that fell on your sides and hip dips as well were starting to bother you. And your stomach still had that bit of blub that you were never very fond of.

Gerard walked past you in the bathroom, immediately getting the memo. “Am I too fat?” You turned around and asked him, his face turning to a form of ridicule.

“You’re a fucking goddess.” He said looking you up and down, “So no.”

“Are you sure Gee-” Before you could finish, he grabbed your hand and practically dragged you to bed where he pushed you down with ease beneath him, giving you a searing kiss.

“You’re fucking gorgeous and the most beautiful woman alive. If you say one more thing about you not being perfect I’m going to frame every photo of you in every inch of this damn house so you know just how incredible you are.” “Fine.” You sighed reluctantly. “Now say it with me,” He began, “I, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N-Way am perfect.” You sighed, choosing to go with it.

“I, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N-Way am perfect.” “Good girl.” He said with another quick kiss. You lightly laughed, rolling over to your side of the bed to give Gerard his. You took your hand, running your fingers through his messy hair as the two of you stared at each other.

“After these two tours, I think I want to take a break.” You admitted, saying so above a whisper. He lightly nodded. “Maybe we can start a family.” He nodded again. “And settle down.” He gave you a kiss on the nose.

“That sounds perfect.”

-Time skip because I’m lAzY-

You were on stage doing what you do best, simultaneously swaying your hips to the music and going along with some of the choreography, as if the skin tight black and sparkly body suit and above the knee black boots weren’t enough.

As usual, you would look over to your husband where he was in the VIP section and sing to him, a smile plastered on his face. You would occasionally look over to see both the approval of your family, and friends, including Ray who seemed to be having the time of his life dancing and singing the lyrics.

The show was going absolutely perfect, it was bigger than any other that you had ever done, a larger stage, larger screens, larger everything. Even a larger crowd with over 100,000 people for your first show on tour. You could hear the audience echo your lyrics, jumping up and down judging by the movements of their light up wrist bands.

You of course played a few songs off of your previous album, doing a few acoustic with just you and the crowd which were some of your favorite experiences and moments. You also did a quick speech thanking all of your loyal fans who waited for you to come back with new music, despite the long period of time where you were no where to be seen.

After the finale, you ran back with a huge smile still on your face with your team, drinking some water constantly to hydrate yourself. It only took you a few moments in the back hallways of the stadium before you saw your husband at one end, smiling at you. You smiled back, running up to him and clinging your arms around him. He hugged you back, giving you a quick kiss. “You did great.” He whispered with a huge smiled, “I’m so proud.” “Thanks.” You smiled back, giving him another kiss. The two of you walked away, arms around each other as you leaned onto him. You tried to keep PDA to a limit, especially since the documentary was actively being made and was recording everything.

Once you were back in your private dressing room where no one else was, he gave you an even bigger hug, swinging you around and you lightly squealed. “You’re just so good.” He laughed.

“Thanks.” You smiled at him, letting go to go and take off your makeup at the chair. “I just gotta meet a few fans then we can go back to the hotel.” You told him through the mirror and he nodded.

“Y/N?” You heard your assistant knock at the door. “Hey, Betty.” You smiled up at her and she smiled back.

“I assumed you would want Rocky with you.” She said, putting the small black dog and he ran up to your chair.

“Ah yes,” You smiled down at him, picking him up and giving him a bunch of kisses on his little face, “Thank you.” You told her and she nodded, “No problem.” She closed the door back. You held the small dog in your lap, finishing off your face and hair before getting up and putting him down to change into regular clothes from your stage outfit.

“Gee?” You asked and he hummed, looking up from his phone, “Could you unzip me?” You asked and he nodded, getting up to do so. Usually Gerard would pull something after that, making it less PG, but you shot him a quick glare warning him not to do anything, so he didn’t.

You quickly replaced your stage clothes with a pair of jeans and sweatshirt, turning around to see Gerard still staring at you, wide eyes. “Oh please,” you sighed at him, “We’ve been together for over eight years Gee, handle yourself.” “Sorry, it’s just really hard to.” He tried to defend himself, you rolled your eyes.

“I’ll be back soon, babe.” You smiled, giving him a peck on the lips before excusing yourself.

The meet and greet went by as always, taking about half an hour before you said bye to everyone, taking photos, and then went back to Gerard. He was still on his phone on one of the couches in the room, Rocko by his feet. “Ready to go?” He asked, looking up, and you nodded grabbing your phone and backpack.

On the way out you couldn’t stop smiling, hand in hand with Gerard going in one of the large black SUVs, you going in first, then Rocko, then Gerard. “How’re you feeling?” Your husband asked and you just smiled.

“Great,” You admitted, taking a sip from your water, “Everyone loved it.” He gave your thigh a squeeze and looked at you.

“It was definitely pretty bad ass.” He smiled and you lightly laughed.

You had walked into your suite, setting your bag and the dog down, placing him in his bed (in the living room part of the room) while Gerard grabbed him a bowl of water. You gave the dog a quick good night kiss, resorting to your own room where Gerard followed, closing the door behind you.

Almost immediately your lips were clashed together, his hands on your waist as he swiftly put you on the large plush duvet of the bed, moving down to your collarbone and neck.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked for only a brief moment, as a double check. You shook your head violently.

“No,” You sighed out, “Please no.” He smiled down at you connecting your lips against. “Whatever you want, sugar.”

-Another time skip-

You wouldn’t have ever known if it wasn’t for the insane amount of fatigue and throwing up you were going through, only a month into tour. Initially you could’ve sworn it was just a cold turned to maybe the flu, as many of the symptoms you were having would go away within a few hours, so you were ready for show time.

But here you sat in your hotel room, curled up on the bed with Rocko next to you, your mind completely empty as you stared into the thin air, Betty had run to the nearest pharmacy. What were you going to do on tour? Fans would figure it out easily. But what would you tell Gerard?

Once Betty came back she gave you a somber, almost apologetic smile handing your the small bag. You thanked her, closing the door and going into the bathroom.

You stood over the bathroom sink, your hands gripping the granite edges for dear life as you stared down at the three tests. All positive. It took you a few minutes of staring, rocking back and forth, for everything to sink in.

This was not how you planned it, it was never supposed to go like this. You and Gerard were going to take a break, settle down, have your first child and be together all through your pregnancy. Now you were both on huge tours promoting your new work, away from home for at least the next five months.

You could feel warm tears stream down your cheeks, a small sniffle coming from your nose as you grabbed your phone. Reluctantly, you pressed on your husband’s name, pressing the small phone icon displayed underneath it. You put your face up to the screen slowly. Only a few rings and he answered.

“Hey Y/N/N,” He said, “What’s up.” It took you a few seconds, but you immediately bursted into sobs. “Baby? What’s wrong?” He spoke up, voice with lots of concern.

“Gee,” You began, sniffing again through the sobs, “I’m um- I’m pregnant.” You said. No one spoke for the next few seconds, complete silence on both ends of the line.

“Sweetie,” He said in a light voice, a small laugh following afterwards, “That’s great!” “No, Gerard, it isn’t.” You snapped, “We had all of this planned out perfectly, no one was going to know unless we wanted them to. But no, in the beginning of a fucking world tour this has to happen.” You raised your voice, “And I get it, this is gonna be a fucking walk in the park for you because you’re not here, and you don’t have to play in front of over 50,000 people every night in body tight suits. And you’re going to be separated from your pregnant wife. Life’s probably fucking perfect for you.” You weren’t sure what had gotten into you, but whatever it was it wasn’t pretty.

“What?” He asked, “You say it like we never wanted this. Sometimes things don’t go to plan Y/N.” He snapped back.

“Well they have to in our world Gerard!” You yelled, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down, “We have our lives set out for the next six months. And this is a big deal, and something we can’t do right now.”

“So are you going to get an abortion? Are you going to put it into the adoption system?” He yelled back. You took a few moments to think.

“No.” You admitted, barely above a whisper, “Gee, I’m sorry.” You began sobbing again, your sad feeling taking over any angry one.

“No, sugar, I am.” He clarified with a sigh, “You’re going through a lot and I should be supporting you, not arguing.” “Well I kinda started it.” “And I shouldn’t have continued it.” He responded. “Honey, we’ll figure this out.” He insisted, “We’ll talk to your tour manager and everyone who needs to know, we’ll figure something out. Some way to hide it.” “Okay.” You said somberly.

“Give me a few minutes,” He said, “I’m going to figure out a way to get to you.” “Gee, you’re booked for the next fews months on tour.” “And so are you, but you’re also carrying our child right now.” He spoke back, “We’re going to figure it out, okay? We’re going to have a kid, and start a family, maybe a little off track from what we intended, but this is what we’ve wanted, right?” You nodded despite him not seeing you.

“Yeah, of course.” You calmed down. “This is what we’ve wanted.”

It took a full week for a plan to be made. A week of unnecessary stress and anxiety for everyone on your team who was high enough on the roster to know about the pregnancy. Not even your families or friends knew, everything right now was business.

Gerard managed to fly in during a three day break the band had, consoling your emotions during the time as you two began to discuss personal plans. There was a lot of crying, both tears of sadness and joy, as you two began to discuss where you would live most of the time, which room the baby would take, how to even handle a child.

You already knew the baby’s name, which could go for either a boy or girl: Shiloh Monet Way. You were still very unsure about planning to have a baby, but since your tour would end when the third trimester began, you would have at least a few months to plan and figure out everything.

Gerard had already talked to the guys and their managers about pushing back some of the dates so there was a month break for him to be home around the baby’s due date. At the very least he wanted to be with you while giving birth, but he also wanted to help both you and the baby recover.

New outfits and plans to completely hide your pregnancy were already in the working with your teams. It was like a completely undercover operation to keep both you and your child’s privacy to a fine tune. And of course. Gerard and the guys promised to not say anything at all, even a hint towards you being pregnant wouldn’t be dropped.

“I say we wait to tell our families and friends,” You admitted to your husband, the two of you on the hotel bed getting ready to go to a sound check. “Just in case anything happens. I mean, we have to tell our teams and the guys and stuff, which we did, but no one else.” He nodded.

“Just not for too long,” He said, “Or at least once we know that baby’s developing fine.” You nodded and sighed.

“I was hoping having our first child together wouldn’t be this stressful.” You admitted, almost shamefully in a way.

“It’s okay, sugar.” He put his hand on your thigh and gave it a light squeeze. “We’re going to make the best of it, okay? You have a little less than five months left on your tour and then I get to take a break. This’ll work out just fine.” You nodded, placing your head on his shoulder as you knew he was right.

“You make everything better, Gee.” You said, playing with his hand as he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“I’ll do it for you, sweetheart.”

#gerard way #my chemical romance #gerard way x reader #mcr gerard #my chem #my chemical gee #my chemical gerard #my chemical romance x reader #gerard way fanfiction #mcr

28 notes · View notes

my-happy-little-bean · 4 years

Text

Patton and the Fantasy Fair (It Is The Nature of Dreams To End)

pairings: LAMP/CALM (platonic/familial) words: 3543 warnings: mild swearing, nostalgia/dwelling too hard on the past, crying, mention of blood, angst summary:

virgil had mentioned the fantasy fair once, in a conversation that was meant to go nowhere, and patton had said the following:

“ ‘it is the nature of dreams to end’. "

or: the one where they all remember that weird amusement park in the middle of a park; and also, patton is missing.

a/n- hello! here's another addition to everyone's favourite series, ‘let’s indulge bean in their slightly low quality, very personal fics’ — aka the series i write for when i am exclusively procrastinating on writing anything else :p

today's story is brought to you by a rather haunting return to 'fantasy fair'; a real place i used to go to as a kid (if you search of fantasy fair and woodbine, you'll probably find pictures of what i'm talking about :')) ). it gave me a crisis, so naturally i had to write about it. also this is kind of a response to one of my earliest one shots in this fandom called "a light in every patch of darkness". it just feels a bit related to it, not sure why :')

finally, this story was inspired by two songs: "julia" by reeder and a cover of "never never land" by adam melchor. both are great, i would highly recommend listening to them :")

i hope you find some enjoyment in this weird, midnight ramble of a story. it's rough in a lot of places, but hey! at least it's in this place with you :')

[read on ao3]

---

“I know a place where dreams are born and time is never planned.

It’s not any chart, you must find it with your heart;

Never Never Land.”

-*-

“Has anyone seen Patton today?”

Roman lolled his head back against the arm rest he laid against, lowering the book he was reading and giving Virgil an upside-down smirk.

“He’s probably in his room,” he announced, as if he was the know-it-all. Virgil raised an eyebrow and Roman huffed, flipping over onto his stomach and pressing his elbow into the arm rest.

“Logan?” he called. He pressed his chin in his hand coyly. “Where’s Pat?”

“Well considering there are not many places where we are able to go,” Logan replied from the kitchen, “it is statistically probable that he is in his room.”

Roman waved his hand at Virgil, as if he was using the gesture to say “told you so!”. He flipped onto his back, head once again on the arm rest, and stretched his arms to lift the book above him. Virgil sighed as Roman resumed his reading, tugging on the strings of his hoodie.

“I dunno, it just seems unlike him to stay up there for so long.”

Logan crossed in front of him as Virgil rambled, as if his words intrigued him enough to leave whatever task he was finishing in the kitchen.

“I’m just worried, okay?” He scratched the back of his neck absentmindedly. “Are we really just cool with brushing this off as ‘normal’? Like, usually he’s awake before all of us — this morning he wasn’t even here.”

Roman’s snide smirk dropped slightly, and he brought his book to his chest. “He wasn’t?”

“Dude.”

“What?” Roman sat up slowly, throwing his arms up in an exaggerated defense. Virgil fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Look, everything Patton does is laced with some sort of muscle memory. Plus, it’s not like I’m the observant one or anything.”

Virgil looked over at Logan, silently pleading. Logan crossed his arms and pushed up his glasses.

“You are both right.” Virgil and Roman exchanged glances as Logan spoke. “Perhaps it would be of our best interests to visit him. Even if he is in there, as our suspicions assume, we can at least reaffirm our knowledge.”

“We’re going on an adventure then!” Roman sprung from the seat and immediately bounced his way to lead the group towards Patton’s room. “You should’ve just said so, Captain Books!”

Logan rolled his eyes, but followed Roman nonetheless. Before he could leave the living room, he turned around and faced Virgil, who was awkwardly standing in the same place. Logan frowned.

“Virgil? Is everything alright?”

No. That was the answer, plain and simple. Virgil couldn’t help but stare past Logan and towards Roman, still marching down the hall behind him.

Virgil knew the others couldn’t see it, but Roman was prancing across inky shadows, the trail to Patton’s whereabouts clouded with something he could only describe as a bad feeling. It sent chills down Virgil’s spine as Roman’s feet pressed into each blotch of black smoke, tainting his determined path.

He slipped his hood on and dug his hands in his sweater pockets.

“M’fine.” He spoke carefully, as to not let any echoes crack through his voice. “Let’s just get this over with.”

---

They stepped into Patton’s room one by one; only because they were each so awestruck by Patton’s room.

Fairy lights draped his walls as hazy curtains, woven between picture frames of varying sizes. Each happy face Thomas knew and love was illuminated by the gaze of the lights, each seemingly staring at every memory with a special kind of fondness only Patton truly understood. Stuffed animals and stacks of photo albums were scattered around every surface of his room, which glowed with the same kind of wonder that each Side was in some way familiar with.

“Ah, I am already loving this.” Roman clapped his hands together with a smile so dreamy, it made Virgil dizzy. “Padré’s room is the best.”

“Try and stay focused, Roman,” Logan mumbled, though he was even enthralled by some notebooks sitting on the coffee table he passed through Patton’s room– enough to pick one up and absentmindedly flip through it

Virgil, however, wanted to do nothing but stay focused. He felt like a strained camera lens, trying to focus too sharply on something, anything.

But nothing could draw his attention away from the door on the other side of the room.

It was cracked slightly open, and was seemingly the destination for the secret shadows he followed. They pooled around the floor beneath the door, as if beckoning anyone who noticed it to come inside.

Virgil had noticed the door before, but never under such a blatant spotlight — and certainly never left open. During the many sleepovers he had spent in Patton’s room, that door was merely a closet; stuffed and silent in the back of his mind and the back of the room. He always assumed it was as messy as Patton’s room already was, so it didn't really matter what kind of mess was inside it. Plus, Patton had reassured Virgil that it was nothing special; that it was just a door.

Just a door my ass, Virgil thought, taking any semblance of courage he had and pressing to his chest as he dared to march against the current of shadow against his feet.

Virgil passed by Logan on his way, who briefly glanced up from the notebook.

“Virgil? Where are you–”

He stopped right beside Virgil, who stood in front of the door that seemed much taller than he remembered, casting patches of darkness across the floor. Logan frowned.

“Strange,” Logan hummed. “I do not believe I have seen this door open before.”

“Samesies…” Roman drawled, walking up to Virgil’s side as well. Logan didn’t even seem fazed by Roman’s diction. Virgil narrowed his eyes at the door.

“Not to be dramatic or anything–”

“Hey! What’s wrong with–”

“–but if we’re looking for answers–” Virgil cleared his throat nervously– ”I think we’re going to find it in here.”

Logan and Roman looked at each other as Virgil slowly stepped forward. The shadows on the floor crawled up along the surface of the wood, chasing Virgil’s hand that slowly reached for the door handle. As soon as he made contact with the brass, the shadows squealed, making Virgil tense up as he watched them scatter off.

“Come on, Emo,” Virgil heard Roman say from behind him. “Thought you weren’t leaning into the dramatics today?”

Virgil gulped, and twisted the door handle, pulling the door open with a loud, eerie creak.

---

When Thomas was a kid, his parents used to take him to the Fantasy Fair; a strange, not-so-hidden park on the second floor of a shopping mall they visited every now and then. No one– not even Logan– had ever questioned why there would be a small amusement park inside a shopping mall; all that mattered was that it was there, and that it was awesome.

Every time Thomas had run under the arch leading to Fantasy Fair, Roman had twisted images in Thomas’ mind of stepping into another world. There were signs just about everywhere, pointing in every direction with that distinct carnival font – the one that reminded Thomas of the font he’d use to write essays, but with playful twists and curls at its ends.

The aesthetics of the Fantasy Fair varied in every spot. The makeshift “streets” that weaved their way around the park were lined with mini street lamps, fake trees, and...dinosaurs, for some reason. Hung from the ceiling were large stars, strung comically from different heights; as well as large, model aircraft—one plane and one rocket ship—that made Thomas and Logan wonder how cool it’d be to fly them. The walls that hugged the whole park were painted as the fronts of colourful houses, with balconies that spilled vibrant flowers and vines from its rails. Between these walls were many small attractions; a carousel ride, small booths with carnival games, the biggest jungle gym he had ever seen– and a ferris wheel.

The ferris wheel was Thomas’ favourite, even if he and Virgil were afraid of heights. Thomas had never understood why he was so drawn to it, but it felt like every corner he turned led to the ferris wheel; as if the world was telling him that the ferris wheel was the most important part, and that he had to follow the path it laid out for him to show him why.

It was probably his favourite because it was so bright. Each cabin of the ferris wheel was painted with bright colours, creating a makeshift rainbow as it spun around. There were lights screwed into the metal bars that made up its frame, with its cheerful music reaching every corner of the space and looping so many times, much to Thomas’ (and Roman’s) excitement. It became their favourite song.

But the coolest part, in Thomas’ opinion, was that it not only took up the most space on this floor, but on both floors of the mall. It was as if someone had carved a hole through the floors of the mall, just wide enough for the ferris wheel to fit in — as if every exception was made for it to be there.

Thomas loved the feeling of floating to the top in the red cabin—always the red cabin—so he could almost touch the skylight, which let light flood into the artificial lights of the indoor park. He loved the feeling of floating down just as much, going beneath the surface of the park and to the first floor, where the world’s creators had installed a small pond, surrounded by animatronic animals and a small waterfall near the front. He always marvelled at how odd it was, stuck smack-dab in the middle of the shoppers’ path, who would stop by and peer over the fence that surrounded the pond to marvel at him back. His nose would be pressed against the cabin’s windows, just trying to get a look at everything.

Because the park, however small it truly was, seemed so big, with so many things begging to be seen and admired. Thomas filled in the gaps of this world’s story; and in return, it seemed to make every part of his brain happy.

Especially Patton. It made Patton so happy.

---

“Holy...shit…”

Virgil didn’t even notice that Roman and Logan entered behind him, each walking up to meet his side.

Logan rubbed his eyes from behind his glasses, staring up at disbelief. “Is this…”

“Fantasy Fair,” Virgil finished for him. The name left his tongue as a breathy sigh, an empty rush of starstruck filling his chest. “Wow.”

Roman frowned, and Virgil noticed him discreetly grasp the hilt of his sword.

“I dunno if it’s me or if it’s ‘cause we are technically in Patton’s closet,” Roman said slowly, “but does it seem like...a lot more different than how I remember it.”

Virgil didn’t even have to respond to show that he agreed. Each of their memories of Fantasy Fair faded in their irises, now a smoke screen reflecting an unfamiliar space.

Maybe it was because they haven’t because they haven’t visited Fantasy Fair since Thomas was 12, but it looked like every friendly spark of joy had abandoned the park; just as Thomas did. The faux-street lamps lining the fake streets lost their glow, and dead moths who were waiting for that light to return were now laying still around its rims. Each bright bulb of light they vaguely remembered were replaced by beams of flickering fluorescent lights, revealing the artificial aura of every attraction. The paint on the walls of fake house-fronts were peeling, and the inviting carnival font was scratched and faded, with cobwebs of now-visible shadows hanging from the bottom edge of each sign.

It was as if nostalgia’s double edged sword slashed across the picturesque memory of Fantasy Fair; and used the blood to paint the image of a ghost over it.

“Remind me to talk to Pat about reconsidering his interior decorating choices,” Roman murmured, slowly walking past Virgil and Logan not letting go of his sword, still bound dutifully to his side. Virgil couldn’t help but pull Logan closer to him as they followed Roman further into the park.

Logan, rather than pulling his arm back, leaned into his touch.

“You know, I was always rather unsettled by the fact that such a fanciful place was just...in the middle of a shopping mall.”

Unsettled by a fact. Virgil winced at the tell-tale sign of danger.

As they continued down what they assumed was a familiar path, Virgil dared to look around him and wondered why Patton would hide such a grim version of the world they all loved so dearly. Surely it wasn’t hard to love this park enough that the same memory could exist; yet it was tainted in every corner, a brush of darkness sweeping across every spot. The stars Virgil marvelled at were falling at his feet, shadows chasing the spot of its descent and eating it up before he could even check for any semblance of its past glow.

Floating in the dead air of the world they used to love, was a familiar song; now a distorted and slowed ballad through the static of the speakers:

“It might be miles beyond the moon, or right there where you stand.

Just keep an open mind, and then suddenly you'll find

Never Never Land

“You’ll have a treasure if you stay there, more precious far than gold.

For once you have found your way there, you never, never grow old.”

To Virgil’s surprise, Roman humming along did not make it any better.

“I do not understand,” Logan mumbled, still closely tethered to Virgil’s side. “How could all of this exist without us knowing? Better yet, how does it exist like this?”

Virgil, for a brief moment, thought about his room; how these shadows had come to be his haunted friends, whether he liked it or not. Perhaps ‘friends’ wasn’t even the right word; they were just simply there, in an existence that ran parallel to his own. He thought of the corners Patton found inviting, ones that Logan found fascinating– even the ones Roman simply just enjoyed. None of those corners would exist without darkness.

Maybe that was the case here.

For better or for worse, they had ended up at the front of the ferris wheel. Of course. Logan cleared his throat.

“Patton?” he called out, his voice a sharp echo in the midst of the slow, out-of-tune piano that filled the space. Virgil’s grasp on Logan’s arm tightened.

And then, the ferris wheel came to life.

Slowly but surely, its rusted wheel began to spin. The light bulbs lining its frame flickered, hazy remnants of a familiar glow. Virgil could hear the animatronic animals he used to find comfort in moan; a sound that seemingly came from the hole that the ferris wheel broke through, which was now filled with a pit of black.

Lifted out of the darkness were the ferris wheel cabins; once coloured all shades of the rainbow, now darkened and saturated to an unrecognizable extent.

And in one of these cabins was Patton, who peered out his window

with tears of glitter and gold streaming down his cheeks.

---

Virgil had mentioned the Fantasy Fair once, in a conversation that was meant to go nowhere,

and Patton had said the following:

“ ‘It is the nature of dreams to end’. Logan told me that once, after I started having these nightmares of Fantasy Fair. I think they started after the mall security cop dressed as a clown for Halloween, and we ran into him near the carousel. Remember how much it freaked you out?”

Surprisingly, Virgil did not.

“Ah, I guess that proves my point then,” Patton laughed sadly when he told him. “We never went back to Fantasy Fair after that, and the life that existed before we left got stuck there; all frozen in an ice cube that would never melt.”

He averted his glance from Virgil.

“I say that the nightmares started after that clown, but I actually think they started a few months before that,” Patton admitted. “Thomas had just turned 12, and his parents offered to take him to Fantasy Fair for his birthday. You know what he said?”

Yes. Guilt clawed at Virgil’s chest.

“He said no.” Patton shook his head. “Said he was ‘too old’ for things like that.” In a more hushed voice, he added, “Whatever that means.”

He stared at the plastic stars on his ceiling.

“We used to dream of Fantasy Fair, every night,” Patton murmured. “The lights, the song, the ferris wheel– I used to be able to build an exact replica of the park in my mind. And in this park we dreamt of, there were no lines for the ferris wheel, and the park extended far above the skylight.”

Virgil frowned at the way the words left his lips in a strangely bittersweet way. Patton, on the other hand, smiled, rolling his head to the side, away from Virgil’s sight; towards his closet door.

“I don’t think I remember it the same way now,” Patton murmured, his eyes—from Virgil’s point of view—still fixated on who knows what. “The lights aren’t as bright, and the song is not as wonderful.”

Patton sighed. “I saw a flash of the colourful life Thomas had grown in, and…”

Virgil watched as Patton rolled his head over to face him once more, his eyes now twinkling with a soft, golden shine. Patton sadly smiled.

“And then the dream ended.”

---

There were a lot of things Virgil could say to Patton. In fact, Patton had probably already heard a majority of those things before.

“The past is never coming back.”

“You can only live in the present.”

“Everything is changing.”

But in this strange, abandoned park—in this strange, abandoned dream—it suddenly made sense why Patton had clung so desperately to the past, and why he refused to let go. The present was merely a skeleton for the past, which harboured the light and life within it. And without at least acknowledging it, all you really have is a dead, empty shell.

Patton so desperately wanted to animate the skeleton by using the only thing he had: memories. Memories of when his family was so close, where every part of Thomas was loved for a specific and obvious reason. There was no darkness, and there were no greys; just bright, sunny skies.

However, there was truth to the familiar attempts of reassurance. Everything was changing. Virgil could feel it shifting in his bones; Thomas was growing. And with growth, there was abandonment.

The dream Patton built was a desperate attempt to cling onto the bright memories of his family.

But with all of them so frequently divided, the dream had ended.

Virgil met Patton’s golden stare, and then at the absence of light behind it.

And he pushed past Roman and Logan, using all his might to leap towards Patton’s cabin and grabbing the long, metal handle of his door with both hands.

“Virgil!” Logan exclaimed, chasing after him as Virgil was lifted off the ground slowly, his heart racing as his grasp on the cabin door handle tightened. The added weight of Logan now holding onto his ankle certainly didn’t help, and he could imagine Roman would not hesitate to add to this chain. Virgil tightened his grasp even more; he couldn’t afford to be the weak link now,

He focused his attention to Patton, with sparkling tears lining his now-widened eyes. He was silent, and afraid.

“Please,” Virgil pleaded, finding his voice beneath layers of the same fear. “It’s not over yet.”

Patton brought his hands to his mouth and let out a sob so loud, Virgil could hear it from behind the door.

And then suddenly, the door swung open, Virgil nearly swinging with it. However, he managed to let go just in time for Patton to grab his hand, pulling him and Logan and Roman with an impossible amount of strength. Virgil didn’t question it, though; it made sense that Patton could carry them all.

They all poured onto the floors of the cabin, the door now closed and the song muffled behind it. They each gasped for breath, filling in the silence in the air.

And Virgil waited. He waited for the right words to come from Logan, or the reassuring serenade that Roman would, with no hesitation, deliver.

But when none of that came, he simply stood up, and sat beside Patton.

Eventually, they all found a seat in the cramped ferris wheel cabin, quietly tearing up at the sight outside their window that they forgot they even shared.

And as they were lifted into the air, they grazed the surface of skylight; now letting in a small droplet of sun.

-*-

“So come with me where dreams are born, and time is never planned.

Just think of lovely things and your heart will fly on wings,

forever in Never Never land.”

---

you can read some of my other stuff here :)

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #gabbie writes things #LAMP/CALM #platonic LAMP #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #thomas sanders fic

9 notes · View notes

cruecifymesixx · 4 years

Text

Love and Leather /part Sixxty Nine/

Word Count: 5.8k

A/N: meet snakey sixx everyone! enjoy! feedback is always appreciated

Warnings: light smut, language, nikki being sketchy

Taglist: @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyesx , @aryssav , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol , @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless, @justjodeye, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy, , @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer@electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong @lovemythsworld @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @siliwanoel @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor, @duffshairdye, @xpoisonousrosesx, @m0rnlngstar, @cranberrirolls, @oskea93, @love-struck-aries, @idumpyourgrass, @minxtruck, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @cruesixxlover1991, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @dogmom2014, @sinningsixx, @motleycrueprincess, @zoenicoles, @marvelismylifffe

We rolled around black satin sheets, gasping for air with lips ghosting over one another as Nikki hooked my leg around his waist. Nikki wrapped fingers into my hair, pulling my head back as he kissed my neck with heavy breaths brushing my skin. French tips scraped up his back, engraving crescent moons into his shoulder blades. Nikki’s panting and moaning was prolonged as the pace of his thrusts became erratic before a deep groan tumbled off his lips and onto mine.

“If you came home you could get fucked like this whenever you wanted.”

I wiped sweat from my brow, staring up at the ceiling as light kisses swept over my chest. When they tried meeting my lips, I tilted my head to the side, “I have to go get Ari from school.” I unraveled my legs from his hips as he sighed and rolled off of me, holding his junk in his hands as he went to the bathroom, displaying bratty behavior as he slammed the door.

I picked up my panties from the floor, well what was left of the tattered shreds. I tossed them in trash can before grabbing my jeans and sliding them on. I threw a sweater over my shoulders, being content of finally not having to deal with the uncomfortable and itchy sling wrapped around me.

My shower started running, taking the hint that he didn’t want to go with me. He’s been pressing the whole ‘come back to California so we can be a family thing’ for the past week and a half now, but he’s persistent and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

*Nikki’s POV*

I heard the front door shut, rolling my eyes as the hot water ran over me. I know my remarks are coming off as brash, but she won’t even bother to have the conversation of moving back with me. She just brushes it off or completely ignores me. We spend most of our time in her bed when Arianna is at school, I’m not complaining about it, it’s one of my favorite pastime, being able to get between her legs. Always has been. But I need more from her. Hell, we haven’t even talked about us being together yet.

Was I rushing her? Possibly, but we’ve already wasted so much time in the last few years of her being gone. So was I really in the wrong for wanting her back home? Where she belongs? To be with me so all three of us can be a family? Why is that such a bad thing to want? She should want that too.

I turned the water off, stepping out as I wrapped a towel around my waist loosely as I walked out into her bedroom. I fixed the blankets and pillow on the bed. I went into her closet eyeballing shopping bags that were in the corner as I dug through my suitcase, opting to wear sweats and a black shirt. I organized my suitcase after, shoving clothes back inside before pushing it against the wall and out of her since she was already complaining she tripped over it. I stood in the middle of her closet looking at all the dresses, some were new and some were old with very fond memories attached to them, others were a bit hazy.

I noticed a small box on the upper shelf that had ‘N.Sixx’ written on it. I stepped out of the closet, trying to hear if there was any signs of her returning with Arianna. I closed the closet door before grabbing the box and sitting down the floor with it. I furrowed my eyebrows, clothes I haven’t seen in years. An old black scarf with red skulls, an old baseball cap, a white and grey and ripped up T-Rex shirt. I wonder when Sage and Greyson came to get her stuff they accidentally mixed some of my things in with hers. I pulled out all the garments seeing all five of the albums on vinyl. I’m assuming she didn’t get the ‘Decade of Decadence’ album...

I smiled to myself, seeing all the covers were signed by the four of us. There was also a few pictures of Vanity with all us. I couldn’t remember when any of them were taken. My eyebrows furrowed when I saw a matte black shoe box under the albums. I gently grabbed it, seeing that it was deteriorating already. I opened up the lid seeing faded and withered deep red rose petals mixed with dried up yellow and pink ones. She’s into some weird shit.

I dug around in the box seeing a handful of folded up pieces of paper. I took one and flattened it out across my knee, reading my own hand writing:

‘Good morning beautiful, I tried being as quiet as I possibly could. I had to leave early to go to the studio. I should be home around 4pm. Be ready when I get back, I want to take you out to dinner tonight.’

-Nikki

I grabbed another piece of paper:

‘Look at the beauty in her eyes,

A glow that shines like the sunrise.

Her smile opens up the cloudy skies,

Her laughter delights butterflies.’

‘She is a thornless rose without compare,

She is the love my heart will forever endear.’

I shoved that note into the pocket of my sweats, maybe a song could come out of it?

I reached for another note, seeing her name written in blue cursive as it was folded up into a heart:

‘I’m sorry I caused our fight last night. I’m trying my hardest to wean myself off the junk, I didn’t mean the words I said to you. You didn’t deserve it doll. To see those pretty eyes filled with tears, it just rips me to shreds even more than what I already am. If you actually saw this, I didn’t know where to leave it other then on the windshield of your car, come by Tommy’s house later. We’re having a party.’

-Nikki Sixx

There was more bits and pieces of papers folded up, I chose not to read all of them because I got the just of it all. She had kept all the little love notes I’ve left for her over the course of our relationship. My heart swelled when I saw a picture strip of us, probably from the Santa Monica boardwalk. It had to of been before I was sober as my arms weren’t covered in tattoos.

*flashback, 1986*

“Come on. Let’s go in there.” I turned back to look at Vanity, “I want to take pictures.” I smiled, tugging on her hand as I lead her into a photo booth.

“This is so lame, Nikki.” She chuckled a bit as I pulled her straight on to my lap. I grinned, kissing her bare shoulder as I put a dollar into the machine, “Can we get some chili cheese fries afterwards I am- hey! I wasn’t ready!” She cracked up in a fit of laughter as the flashes started going off.

“Pay attention. Or I’ll be the photogenic one. Not like it’s hard or anything.” I joked as she looked at me, another bright flash going off.

“As if, you don’t have the fancy photographers to make you look good right now. Your hairs flat and you look average.” She stuck her tongue out, throwing up the devil horns with one hand as she wrapped her free arm around my shoulder tightly.

“Average? If I was average could I get away with this?” I quickly pulled up the t shirt she was wearing, the flash going off right on time to get a great tit shot even if she was wearing a bra.

“Nikki!!” She squirmed in my lap, smacking my hands away from her shirt before fixing it, “That was a dick move.” She mumbled as I smiled and placed my lips on hers, tasting vanilla chapstick and the sticky sweetness of left over cotton candy.

“I’ll give you a dick move later.” I wiggled my eyebrows as she planted her lips back on mine.

“Sorry, average guys don’t get to do that.” She teased, sliding off my lap and pushing the curtain back to leave the booth.

We both reached for the photo strip at the same time, however I was faster then her as I held it high above her reach. I chuckled before handing it over to her, “Here. You keep it, to remind yourself of all the fun you have with ‘ol average Nikki.”

*end flashback*

I panicked when I heard the front door close, “Shit!” I mumbled as I accidentally dropped the box, spilling the rose petals everywhere. I picked them up gently, not wanting them to crumble in my fingers as I put everything back in the shoe box before placing it back into the other box and then back onto the shelf.

I opened the closet door, gently shutting it as I walked out of Vans bedroom, “Angel! How was school- oh...hey Clementine.” I stared at her as she had a pizza box in her hands before putting them on the counter.

“Uh...Van left to go get Arianna.” I explained as she nodded, “Yeah I know, this is what we do every Friday. I come over with pizza after school and then we hang out.” Clementine replied.

“Oh...uh cool. Thanks for the pizza. I thought you worked in Arianna’s class?” I questioned as I grabbed a slice and went to sit in the living room, kicking my feet up on the coffee table.

“I’m just a teachers assistant. Only work at the school three days a week.” I watched as she put her jacket and purse down before flipping on the tv.

“You seem to be making yourself comfortable here.” Clementine voiced.

I smirked, “Could say the same thing about you.” I took another bite, glancing over at her, “I mean, you being Arianna’s aunt and all. So if you only work three days at the school, how do you pay your bills?”

Clementine narrowed her eyes at me, “My paintings sell, plus babysitting Arianna.”

I nodded as I tossed the crust onto the coffee table, “Oh, I would’ve thought maybe Tommy was paying for your stuff or something.” I shrugged laughing towards myself as I channel surfed.

“Nikki, you know Tommy doesn’t pay for anything.” She defended herself as I chuckled.

“How am I suppose to know that? You think I pay attention when he talks about you?” I shook my head at her statement

"Please you love to find anything on me to use at any chance you get." Clementine spoke in a matter of fact tone. I rolled my eyes and looked over at her.

“Me?” I scoffed, “What have I ever done to you?” I chuckled a bit as I grabbed my water bottle from the table and took a sip.

“Nikki...” She shook her head as she started picking up toys from the living room floor, “Don’t act like you don’t treat me like dirt.”

I smirked, “I treat you like dirt? Huh, maybe you’re just too sensitive.”

“And maybe you’re too much of a dick. Maybe even jealous?” I stared at her as she stood in front of the tv, blocking what I was watching.

“Me a dick? Maybe. I think you missed a toy.” I motioned to a stuffed animal as she picked it up and threw it in a toy bin.

“You take the name asshole too gladly.” She grumbled, “You should be nice considering the fact I’ve been watching you daughter since the day she was born and have been here while she’s grown up while you’re off being blown by Brandi and snorting coke.”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Our scowls met each other, “Plus, Vanity has forgiven me and we’re working through it, alright? So back off. I know I’ve already missed a lot. Do you want a thank you for stepping in?”

Clementine shook her head, “No, not from you because it would mean nothing.”

I chuckled a bit, “Thank you Clementine for taking care of my girls, but I got it from here. You aren’t needed.”

“Excuse me?”

I ran my hand over my face, “I mean, I’m here now and I’ve appreciated what you’ve done but you don’t need too anymore. I’m Arianna’s father and I can give her everything she needs and more. Same with Vanity.” My lips tugged into a smirk as I stared at her, “They’re gonna come back home with me, you know what that right?”

Clementine stopped cleaning as she held onto one of Ari’s toys, “Yes, eventually they will.”

I shook my head, “We’ve already discussed it. She’s more than thrilled to come back home.”

I knew I was lying straight threw my fucking teeth. But I also knew Vanity would cave and stop being stubborn and would come back with me. It was just a matter of time. If I could just get Clementine to get Van on the same page as me, it would be a lot smoother.

“You’re lying. She hasn’t mentioned it to me at all. She would tell me something like that.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure about that? From what I understand, She’s scared because she knows how you get. She thinks you’re gonna lash out or something. I don’t blame her, you’ve tried controlling what she does before and she doesn’t do well being held down.”

Clementine stares at me in shocking, noticing the wheels turning in her head, “I-I don’t lash out. If anything I’ve kept Vanity from doing stupid shit and making herself look like an idiot. How I am? Nikki, you’re so full of shit.”

“Am I now? She says you’re overbearing and overly sensitive about everything which I thought she was just being dramatic, but I see it now.”

Clementine shook her head, “She wouldn’t say that about me. We’re best friends, I’m the god mother to her child, your child. She wouldn’t say anything behind my back that she wouldn’t say to my face. You of all people should know that Nikki. What the hell are you even trying to do right now? Get me out of her life?”

I chuckled, exhaling as I got off the couch and went to my jacket that was hanging in a chair, “It’s simple Clemmy. We don’t need you around any longer. But for your wonderful service however...” I grabbed my wallet, pulling out a blank check, “I’m willing to give you X amount of money for you to uh, back off and convince Vanity to go back home.”

I reached for a pen, fiddling with it as I stared at her, “What do you say? Just throw a number out there for me and we’ll call it even.” I smiled as her eyebrows were knit tight.

“Don’t need me? You can’t just fucking pay me off! What the hell is the matter with you!?” She shouted at me as I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose in annoyance.

“Look, Vanity treats you like a rag doll. You’re constantly cleaning up her messes and trying to fix things. I love her to death but she walks all over you and anyone else that waits on her hand and foot. You’re practically her maid.”

Her eyebrows raised in shock, “I’m not her fucking maid. I do what I do for Vanity and Arianna because I love them not because I’m asked too, I do it because I care.”

I rolled my eyes, “Fine, how does fifteen thousand sound?”

“Nikki! No! I’m not doing this.”

“Twenty five thousand?” I smiled a bit when her eyes flickered to the check, remotely considering taking it from me.

“No, I don’t need your money.” She said weakly, eyes never leaving the small piece of paper that laid between my fingers.

“I could obviously throw in a little extra for you to keep your mouth shut. How does fifty grand sound? You could do a lot with that. Pay off some loans, maybe get a better car, maybe a deposit on a new place to live. I’m just trying to ease the blow of you being alone.”

Her gaze met mine, the fact of her being alone finally dawned on her once Vanity and Arianna would leave for California, “I won’t be alone. I have Tommy.”

I laughed, “Tommy? Oh? He hasn’t told you has he?”

Clementines face scrunched up before relaxing to a neutral state, “Told me what, Nikki?”

“Ah, I don’t know. Never mind.” I chuckled a bit, “So is fifty our winning number?” I raised an eyebrow as I brought a inky blue pen down to the paper, “Well, I’ll tell you anyways because you deserve to know, and I’d want to know if I was you.” I explained as I signed my name before blowing on the paper, “You know his divorce with Heather isn’t finalized, right? They haven’t signed papers yet.”

Now, that wasn’t a lie.

I folded up the check and handed it out for her, seeing tears in her eyes, ”Wh-what? He said they were...” she mumbled to herself as I shrugged. I looked towards the door when I heard keys jingle. I quickly put the check in her jacket pocket before patting her arm.

“Oh! Hey Clem! Didn’t think you’d be by today.” Vanity was full of smiles as Arianna ran in front of her and to me.

“Hi sweet pea. How was school?” I picked Arianna up, kissing her cheek as I held her at my side, “Did you know red and blue makes purple and green and yellow makes blue?!” I chuckled as she yelled ecstatically in my face.

“Really? I did not know that! Maybe you’ll have to show me later.” I matched her enthusiasm as she nodded feverishly before wiggling out of my arms and running over to her toys.

“I was just heading out actually...” Clementine spoke at a hushed tone as she started grabbing her jacket and purse.

“Oh...I was gonna order Chinese from our favorite place for dinner later. You sure you have to go? You know you can stay.” Vanity clarified as she smiled at Clem, “I haven’t seen you in a few days...”

I rolled my eyes as Clementine shook her head, “I wouldn’t want to be in the way of Nikki visiting.” I nodded in agreement, stopping when Van looked over at me, “I don’t really feel that well either.”

I snaked my arms around Vanity and pulled her to me as I leaned my chin onto her shoulder, “What? Who cares about Nikki?” Vanity laughed as I ran my finger tips up her sides as she tried pushing my hands off her, “I was gonna order extra pot stickers because I know we always fight over the last one.”

I held her tightly, smiling at Clementine, “If she doesn’t feel good I’m sure she wouldn’t want Arianna to catch whatever she has, isn’t that right Clemmy?” I placed light kisses on the side of Vans neck as she tried pulling away from me.

“He’s right Van....wouldn’t want Arianna to get sick. I’ll call you okay?” Clementine assured as Vanity reluctantly nodded.

“Bye auntie.” Arianna came over and hugged Clem’s legs. She smiled down at her, brushing pieces of hair out of her face, “Don’t let mommy have the last pot sticker.”

“Bye Clementine. Thanks for stopping by.” I spoke, sauntering over to the door as I felt her glare at me. I opened up the door for her as Vanity waved bye to her before she got distracted with Arianna.

“I hope you rot in hell.” Clementine whispered to me as I nodded, pretending to take it into consideration before shutting the door in her face.

By a sparkly gold painted finger, Vanity motioned for me to come to her. I exhaled deeply as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, finger tips twirling the ends of my hair, “Promise me you didn’t say anything to her.”

I smiled, shaking my head as I ran my knuckle over her cheek bone, “What? Of course not doll, she just wasn’t feeling good. But Chinese for dinner? I’m starving. The pizza she brought was gross.”

Vanity stared up at me, seeming like she was deep in thought, “Are you sure you didn’t say anything? She seemed upset...”

I made an ‘X’ over my heart, “I swear Van. I didn’t say anything. She wanted to stay but then she got sick in the bathroom. She didn’t look to good when she came in. Don’t worry about it babe, I’m sure she’s fine.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re probably right.” She uttered as I pressed my lips to her forehead.

“Usually am, anyways.”

*A few days later, Vanity’s POV*

I walked up the broken up pathway of Clementines cute little duplex. I bent down, picking up the lady bug painted rock Arianna had made for her and grabbing the spare key to let myself in, “Clem! You home?” I called out for her, glancing around at the mess on her small dining table. The smell of old incense rested in the cool air as all the blinds and curtains were closed.

“It’s Van! Uh...I tried calling!”

I heard water from the bathroom running, “I’m home! I’ll be right there!” Clem spoke as I noticed the dark and gloomy paintings that were on an easel drying. I smiled when she came out into her living room. She didn’t look to hot. Baggy sweats and a white shirt that had blue and green paint splatters on it as her vibrant blue hair was up in a bun.

“I’ve been calling and you’ve been ignoring me.”I spoke as I pushed decorative pillows to the side and sat down ion her couch, also moving a empty pizza box out of my way.

“I’ve been busy. What do you want?” Clementine expresses hastily as I titled my head to the side.

“What’s with that attitude?” I brushed it off quickly, “You totally missed our Friday movie night. Arianna was excited for it. I let her pick out the snacks and candies.” I smiled at her as grabbed a half smoked cigarette and lit it.

“You two had Nikki. We’ve had plenty of movie nights together. I’m sure it was fine if I missed one.”

I chuckled, “Nikki doesn’t count. Friday’s have always been our thing.” I motioned between us as she didn’t seem amused with me being here.

Clementine shrugged, “Well it won’t be a thing soon with you moving to California.”

I groaned, “Nikki...” I closed my eyes before I looked back at her, “Clementine, it’s still discussion between him and I. We’re still trying to find a middle ground.”

Fuckin Sixx. I can’t believe him.

“Really? Cause it seems like you’ve already made that choice. Since I’m not needed as much now.” Bitterness lingered off her tongue as she stared at me intently.

I rubbed my lips together, trying to figure out what to say to her, “Clem? I haven’t made any choice yet that’s why I haven’t brought it up to you.” I frowned at the fact that Nikki would even go ahead and start telling people I was coming back regardless of how I felt right now, “Who said you weren’t needed? Because I know it’s not me.”

“Oh, please. I know you want to go back to California. You miss it and you have other friends there. No need to stay for Clem, not that I expect you to stay for just me.” Clementine expressed as I shook my head in frustration.

“Are you not listening to me? I haven’t decided if I want to go back. It’s all Nikki who keeps pushing it. Did I do something wrong?”

She sighed, taking off her glasses and wiping them on her shirt, “I’m thinking logically Vanity. Why wouldn’t you want to go back to Los Angeles, be with Nikki and raise Arianna? You can’t have me at your side forever.”

“I know that…” I mumbled, ripping strings off my jeans as I adverted her gaze, “Still, I was gonna offer if you wanted to move with us if I decided too.”

“Move in? With you and Arianna? And him?”

I nodded, “Of course! I mean, you saw how big the house is when you went to California with Tommy. There would be more than enough room for you and all of your things. Arianna needs her aunt and I need you too.” I spoke softly, that itself wasn’t a lie. It was the truth. If i was gonna end up back in Hollywood, I sure as hell would need her by my side.

She sighed, folding her arms over her sternum, “Nikki wouldn’t let me step foot in his house.”

“Our house.” I corrected her, “That house is just as much mine as it is his. Stop worrying about Nikki, I promise he’s not out to get you.”

“Van, you know he doesn’t like me.” Clementine countered as I rolled my eyes, “He’s never liked me from the start.”

I huffed, “Nikki does like you. He just doesn’t know you that well. But so what if he doesn’t like you? That’s his own problem not anyone else’s. If he wants me back home like he says he does then he’ll just have to deal with it.”

Clementine rolled her eyes, “For once, can you just not defend him? He acts nice for you Vanity, but when you’re not around it’s different. He’s an asshole.”

I snickered, “Clemmy, Nikki is an asshole to everyone including me. Nikki’s an acquired taste.”

“Yeah, well, he’s always talking down and ridiculing me. He uses my relationship with you and Tommy constantly. Like, did you know Tommy’s divorce isn’t finalized?” Clem sulked as she came and sat next to me.

I looked at her, “Well, I mean….T mentioned it a time or two ago…”

“Is it or is it not?” She questioned again, “Because Nikki said that it wasn’t.”

I noticed her cheeks turn pink as tears were starting to form, “Well…they’re still figuring out who gets what. It doesn’t mean anything, Clem. Tommy is in deep with you, you know that.”

“He’s still married, Van. He’s been lying to me. Are they living in the same house? Why wouldn’t he tell me something like that? He’s taking a page out of Nikki’s book.”

I frowned at her words, “Tommy’s just…I don’t know. But no, he’s been renting out a condo while she’s at the house.”

Clementine wiped her eyes, frustratingly tossing her glasses into the side table, “Just still with her on paper. Why hasn’t he signed them? And why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me get involved with him if you knew he was still married.”

“I’ve been telling him he needs to get them signed. And, I-I just, it wasn’t any of my business and I didn’t think twice about it. He kept saying he was working on it. You know how Tommy feels about you Clem, he isn’t lying about that.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten serious if I knew he was still considered married, Van! I don’t want to be labeled as some home wrecker!” Her shouting took me by surprise as I gawked are her.

“You’re not a slut, Clem! Look, there’s no Hard feelings between them. Heather knows about you already and she’s happy for you two. Tommy’s told me.”

She frowned, looking down at the floor as she rubbed her neck, “She knows?”

“Yeah, she does. Heather is a sweetheart. She doesn’t have one bad bone in her body. But look, I’ll talk to Tommy. I’m sure he’s upset with himself too, okay?”

Clementine shook her head, “Yeah, can’t wait to have him heated over the phone. Just love when he angrily hangs up and then leaves drunk messages.”

“Well, maybe you should think about moving to LA. I’m sure the distance thing is hard. Just consider it okay? I would have a bedroom ready for you and a place for you to work on your art. Just think about it, okay?” I expressed as I reached over and rubbed her arm, “Plus, we’d have so much fun together in California.”

Clementine smiled a bit as she leaned her head on my shoulder, “I know, I know. I’ll think about it.”

I rested my cheek against the top of her head, “Thank you. Now, stop being all gloomy and open up some windows. Smells like a suffering artist in here.” I chuckled as she attempted punched me in the leg lightly.

“Tell Arianna I’ll make up for missing movie night with some ice cream this weekend.” I nodded as she moved away from me.

“I should get back home. I’m sure Nikki’s waiting for me so he can force I love you’s down my throat as well as other things.”

I chuckled when Clementine pretended to gag, “I’ll call you Van.”

I arrived back home, opening the door to see Nikki strumming away at the bass, pausing to write something down before continuing to play, “Ari in bed already?” I asked him as he looked up at me and nodded.

“Bout thirty minutes ago, she hardly fought me this time.” Nikki explained as I put my purse on the table, kicking off my shoes before I walked over to the couch and sat by him.

“How’s Clem feeling?” Nikki chuckles a bit as he strummed a chord. I saw the down played smirk on his lips. I wrapped my hand around the fretboard as he looked up at me, flipping his hair back and out of his face as he did so, “Yes, Princess?”

“Nikki, tell me you didn’t talk shit to Clementine to rile her up.” I questioned him as he looked away from me quickly. I caught his jaw, forcing him to keep eye contact, “Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t.” I felt the jaw muscles under my palm contract.

“I didn’t.” He paused as he gave me a crooked smile, “I may have mentioned California and she got upset, that was it. I didn’t do it on purpose if that’s what she’s having you believe.” Nikki pulled away from my touch as he put his bass down on the floor.

“Nikki, why would you even mention California to her in the first place? I haven’t even told her!” I shouted quietly, Nikki looking at me through furrowed brows.

“Baby, I thought she knew you were thinking about coming back home. That’s all.” Nikki spoke softly as he rested his hand on my knee, “I just assumed you would’ve told her already. I am sorry.”

I pushed his hand away from me, “I haven’t told her anything because I don’t know what I want! I wanted to wait until I decided to bring it up to her. That’s why I haven’t told her Nikki.” I shook my head as I leaned my head back on the couch cushion, “And now she’s upset and Clem doesn’t normally get upset easily.” I mumbled as Nikki wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.

“Really? Cause I thought everything makes her cry?” He chuckled as I shoved his chest a bit, “Tommy bitches about it sometimes too.”

“Nikki.” I said his name sternly as he laughed again, seeing him try to kiss me but I turned my head. Nikki then forcefully gripped my jaw to make me look at him.

“It’s just a joke, relax princess.” He mumbled before he placed a soft, warm kiss on my lips, “So…how about California?” He smiled, wiping my gloss off his lips as I laid my head on his lap.

“I offered Clementine a bedroom at the house.” I ripped the band aid off quickly as he stared down at me.

“What-why? Wh-why would you do that? Vanity, what the fuck?” Nikki grumbled, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Well, because someone-“ I scowled at him, “Also told her Tommy hasn’t signed the divorce papers. So now, she’s not even gonna consider moving in with him, not like she was anyways. Plus, she’s my family.”

Nikki vocally groaned, “That-that was my bad. I didn’t mean for that to slip, but c’mon doll. If she’s serious about Tommy she’ll move in with him eventually so why have her come into our home?”

I narrowed my eyes, “Because I want her too. Damnit Nikki. Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut? I’m sure you did it on purpose just to make her feel bad.”

He shook his head, “No! I didn’t. Babe, she’s your best friend and godmother of our daughter. I wouldn’t do that.

“So why can’t she move in with us? It’s my house too. And I also have a say who comes in and who doesn’t.” I argued back, “And! She’d be closer to Tommy and that means he wouldn’t leave all the time and the band could actually make some music. Isn’t that what you want?”

Nikki rubbed his temples as he smirked a bit, “Yes, that’s what I want. But I don’t want some stranger in my house. I don’t know her Vanity.”

I shrugged, “So what? I know her. Plus, Arianna will already be dealing with a change in her environment. I wouldn’t want to take Clementine away from her too. If you want me and Arianna you’ll also get Clementine too.”

Nikki looked up at the ceiling, probably cursing God for making him have to deal with me, “Fine! Fine! You want Clementine to come too? Fine. I’ll have a room ready for her and just to be nice, I’ll even give her a studio to make her art in peace and out of the way.”

“I also want my own bedroom…”

I wasn’t ready to be with him again.

Confusion and hurt was written all over his face, “Wh-what? What do you mean? Your own bedroom? You have a bedroom? I thought we’d share one…”

I sat up in a sitting position as I looked at him, “Vanity, I’ve apologized a dozen times.”

I nodded, “No, I know. And I know you’re sorry. But, I’m not ready to be with you. Can you understand that?”

Nikki frowned, “You don’t want to be with me?”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t bring myself to say yes or no. I just didn’t know what I wanted.

“Sixx, I love you. And you know I love you. But I think we still have a lot we need to work on before we could even think about getting back to where we were before.” I expressed as he nodded.

“I just want to be with you, Van.” He mumbles as he took my hand in his, “To just be yours again. And you to be mine and have a life together.”

I gazed into his mossy hued eyes, resting my hand against his jaw again as he slightly turned his cheek to kiss my open palm. He nuzzled his face into my hand, a pearly white smile meeting mine, “This is how we start again.”

120 notes · View notes

fire-bear · 4 years

Text

Familiar Voices

(Working title, from that song that goes “All around me are familiar faces”, etc.)

So, I’ve been doing the AFTG Bingo 2020, as you may have noticed and, since I had a few hours since I posted my last one, I decided to start work on another square. I’m not going to finish it tonight so I decided to just post the part that I’ve got done now and relax before I go to bed (or I won’t sleep well, as per usual). Anyways, I was going to attempt another line, but since I knew I wouldn’t finish, I went with the Musicians AU.

(I’ve put some under the cut cause this is a rather long post, but I wanted to show off the first part, so.)

The summary would be something like:

Neil was happy with his new name, new life, new friends, new home. He still had a lot of pop culture and movies and music to catch up on. Which is probably why all of his friends are excited when the popular rock band that Neil has never heard of - The Monsters - have come to town.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There’s a rockstar in town,” Matt told Neil, three months after Neil had finally felt settled in his new life.

“Okay,” said Neil, placidly. He pulled out a paper cup. “What do you want today?”

“A mocha,” said Matt, distractedly. He was scrolling through his phone, even as he was bent almost double to lean against the counter.

“Cake?” Neil asked, knowing that Matt liked to have something at this point in the day.

“Hm, yeah. I should be healthy so, like, the carrot cake?”

“Sure,” said Neil, grinning cheekily at Matt when he looked up with a pout.

“Aren’t you interested?” Matt demanded, waving his phone at Neil.

“Nope.”

“Neil!” Matt whined.

“You know I’m not a big music fan,” Neil pointed out, already starting to work the coffee machine. The clanging and hissing filled the air of The Foxhole, the little coffee shop that Neil now worked in.

He loved working there. Aside from the delicious smells that bloomed from the kitchen, the shop itself was cosy. There were two types of tables. Some were low for the comfy couches and armchairs. Others were attached to the thin pillars that were dotted around the place, tall stools available for the customers. The walls were painted white with little fox pawprints dotted across it. Napkins with foxes printed on them were available at the tables and every table also had fox salt and pepper shakers. A giant fox looked down on Neil from above the machines, nosing at the menu that was done in orange writing.

It was home and Neil treasured it.

At the moment, since it was an hour till closing, there were very little people in. Anyone that wasn’t Matt were taking their coffees to go, on their way to back shifts and night shifts. Only a few people were actually sitting in, most of which were students. There was also a couple who were on a blind date, blushing at each other and stuttering through flustered conversation. That meant that Matt could block the counter without annoying anyone.

“I can let you listen to some right now,” Matt said, quickly tapping away at his phone.

Neil glanced towards the students and the date. “I don’t think doing that here is a good idea, Matt,” he said, nodding to them. “Maybe another time.”

Instead of backing off like Neil had hoped, Matt pointed his phone at Neil. “Tonight. After work. Come by my place. We’ll get pizza and we’ll listen to The Monsters’ albums and watch movies. Right?”

Rolling his eyes at the coffee machine as he poured Matt’s mocha, Neil sighed. “Okay, fine. If you want me to listen to them that much, then yes.”

“Great!” Matt exclaimed. “I’ll go pick up Dan and see if the girls want to join in!”

Shaking his head with a fond smile, Neil set down the cup and the bag with the carrot cake. “Okay,” he said. “Now, get lost so I can shut up shop.”

“You’ve got an hour!” Matt protested, pouting. “How mean!”

Neil laughed and swatted at him with the cloth he used to wipe down the counter when he had nothing else to do. Grinning, Matt scooped up his purpose, left more than enough money - a tip for Neil was included, as usual - and left with a wave over his shoulder. Shaking his head, he returned to his work which was mainly cleaning at this late stage. He also stocked up things like the cups and sugar. Half an hour later, he retied his orange apron and began to move around the room, wiping down every table and chair. The blind date decided to move on. Frantic students checked the time and cleared out, too.

He was utterly alone when there were only fifteen minutes left of the coffee shop’s opening hours and the door opened.

Having already wiped everywhere down, he was back behind the counter. He hid a sigh as he looked up, watching the lone man enter and look around. Compared to the cosy, sunny atmosphere of the coffee shop, the man was a black hole. Black combat boots; black skinny jeans with a rip at one thigh and a rip on the opposite knee, a chain hanging from his left hip; black tank top with jagged edges and a deep v-neck; black armbands; a black, dangly earring shaped like a tooth. His hair was the only light colour on him, the blond in it pale enough to reflect the light and make it golden. The man sauntered closer, gazing around as he moved, and his hazel eyes landed on Neil.

“Hi,” said Neil, forcing a customer service smile. “What can I get you?”

“A mocha,” the man said in a deep, rumbling voice. “Extra chocolate, extra cream.”

Neil resisted commenting on his choice. “Sure thing,” he said, pulling a to-go cup off the freshly stacked pile.

“No,” said the man, stopping Neil in his tracks. “To sit in.”

Turning back to him, Neil gave him a baffled look. “Sir. We’re open for less than fifteen minutes now. Wouldn’t it be best to-?”

“No,” the man repeated. He turned away from Neil, heading for one of the many, many tables that Neil had already wiped down. “I’ll sit in.” He stopped and turned back to Neil before he decided where to sit. “And bring me cake.”

Looking him over again, Neil realised what his mistake had been. Though this man had ragged looking clothes, they were clearly designed to be like that. The material of his clothes were good, likely to last, and probably expensive. Neil was interacting with some rich asshole who shouldn’t have been allowed to walk around on his own. Dan would kill him, though, if he didn’t at least try to be nice to him, so Neil smiled a little wider, trying to shake the fact that he probably looked like his father from his mind.

“Of course, sir.” His voice was tight. He was probably going to be told off, at the very least. “Which kind?” Gesturing at the display - something he would have normally been packing away at this very moment - Neil forcefully returned the to-go cup to its pile. Once this man left, he’d have to wash the dishes - again.

“Chocolate. With ice cream.”

“We don’t have ice cream. Sorry. Sir.” Neil was ridiculously pleased that he could actually refuse the man something and focussed on making his awful drink, hiding his amusement.

Behind him, the man sighed. “Whatever.”

Neil rolled his eyes but didn’t respond. Instead, he made the man’s drink, pulled out the cake, got everything ready on a tray with cutlery and napkins, and took the arrangement over to the man. Without looking at him, Neil unloaded the tray and straightened, holding the tray against his chest. It provided him with a shield against the man’s intense gaze, though Neil couldn’t understand why he would want to look at him. He wasn’t particularly interesting, even after he had bit the bullet and returned his eyes and hair to their original colours.

“Anything else, sir?” he asked, for something to say.

“No.” The man sounded dismissive, but he didn’t take his gaze off Neil’s face. And hair. And eyes. Neil blinked at him for a moment, trying to work out what he wanted or what he was doing. Then he gave up.

“Do you want me to take your money now, or…?”

For a moment, the man stared at him. Then he dug his hands into his pockets, searching, searching, searching. He pulled out a phone. “Google Pay?”

“Uh…” Neil pointed at the sign by the till. The one that read: Google and Apple Pay functions currently not working. We are working to get this fixed. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

The man stilled, staring at it. Then he looked down at his coffee and cake. Finally, he looked up at Neil. “I’ll need to make a call.”

“What do you mean?” Neil snapped, losing his patience. The man raised an eyebrow. “The shop’s about to close. I’m not going to wait for you.”

“If I call now,” the man explained, “my cousin will get here in roughly ten minutes.”

“Sure,” said Neil, sarcastically.

#aftgbingo #all for the game #the foxhole court #fan fiction #an excerpt

7 notes · View notes

daydreamindollie · 4 years

Text

p.jm | power couple

pairing: p.jimin x f.reader

summary: Your performance at MAMA catches Jimin by surprise.

length: 1.5k

A/N: This is completely unedited, I'm sorry! Please excuse any grammatical mistakes or anything that doesn't sound right. I'll be sure to come back and edit this in the future, however, I promise you that! Anyway, this was a request of @joyful-jimin I hope you enjoy the read, any feedback (as long as it's constructive) is welcome! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

masterlist

Your favorite sound, other than the voice of your beloved, is the audience's cheers and cries for you. Even before you have fully risen to the stage, their exhilarated incantation of your name shook the structures surrounding you and had you biting back a grin.

From within your chest, your heart pumps exuberantly, driving adrenaline to rush through your veins with a force that almost has your capillaries bursting. It's the best feeling. All ounces of fear and doubt have expelled from your mind; you no longer anticipated failure or disappointment as you leave the responsibility of your routine to muscle memory. For hours, you have worked yourself to exhaustion for this solo performance and you wouldn't even dream of bringing dismay to the fans and people that believed in you.

Most importantly of all, you want to make Jimin proud. He was right beside you, every step of the way, as you choreographed this dance. He was there when you glowed in excitement for the opportunity to prove your worth and was there when you were about to be reduced into sore muscles and brittle bones. When the whole world felt as though it was weighing down on you instead of Atlas, he was there, he was always there and you want to make him proud.

You also have something to prove to those watching you too closely. Now that your relationship with the Park Jimin has been made public, people have associated everything you do with Jimin as if he was the one that made you who you were today when that was not the case. Deep in your heart, all of your love was for Jimin only but it was your own hard work that has led to your success and led to Jimin's fondness of you.

All of the trophies you've won tonight wasn't because of Jimin, it was because of your hard work. Jimin was there to support you and you never undermined that but this stage is yours and everything was choreographed by you. If you let yourself believe that the people who said that Jimin was the only reason for your success, then your relationship would turn toxic very very quickly and you shiver at the thought of that.

Tonight, you were going to prove yourself worthy of your own success and rub it in their face that this was all because of you and nobody else.

In silence and styled in a white ruffled mesh gown, you rose to the stage, your make up peachy but natural-toned to accentuate your already natural beauty. Gasps of the audience were followed by a loud cheer as the music began. You were to dance to your third solo album's title song. The song narrated a love story like that of Romeo and Juliet where the protagonist was born into a status that forbade she ever interact or dare to love the man she couldn't help but fall for.

In the beginning, you focused on elegance and grace, mimicking a ballerina floating on stage. Utilising your elegant but ruffled gown, you further illustrated the ardent sentiment of your protagonist. Every step spoke of your character's unconditional, forbidden love. Your delicate hands made grand demure gestures as your countenance held the glow of love, however, with as the song built up to the climax, an undertone of bitterness and sadness in your expressions grew into a determination to break free of the chains that kept her from the love of her life. Your diffident gesticulations grew bold and exaggerated, reaching a powerful peak and, just as the song reached its crescendo, back up dancers materialised from the shadows, bringing about more lights to add to your spotlight. They tried to hold you back by the ruffles of your dress but you sprang forward, which ripped away your dress to reveal a short black dress that's partially lacy. It clung to your curvy figure as the lace left enough for the imagination to get creative on how the rest of your body looked.

On the screen, people were able to have an eyeful of your outfit before the screen flashed to Jimin's reaction of awe. You hadn't told him anything about a costume change so he was just as surprised as the audience. Jungkook and Taehyung, who sat beside him, started smirking and nudging their elbows into his sides.

"Isn't that your girl, Jimin-ah?~" Jungkook teased as Taehyung chuckled.

"Do you like her in the white dress or the black one, hyung?" Taehyung wriggles his brows suggestively.

"I bet he likes the black one better!"

"AISH! Stop that! I'm gonna miss my Jagi's performance!" he smacks away at them as a blush colours his cheeks a soft pink despite his efforts in not letting their satirising affect him. However, he's sure it was your outfit change that affected him the most.

He wants to cover his face in embarrassment as he didn't want everyone to know how much he liked the costume change. He'll get you for this later. You could've, at least, warned him about it so that he was mentally prepared but no. Jimin didn't turn away or cover his eyes, however, as he knew how hard you worked on this; he knew you'd kill this stage and he doesn't want to miss a single second of it. The crowd's cheers grew even louder after seeing his reaction of you. He's sure that many of them were supporters of your relationship and that made him so happy. It left a good feeling to know that the supporters inundated the negativity of the haters.

He's so proud of you.

Encouraged by the audience's sudden increase of shouts and cheers, you found more energy inside you to finish the song powerfully. Striking a pose as you smiled brightly, sweat dripping from your brow at the heat of the spotlight, waiting for it to fade as you were brought down and the audience's cheering became a soft buzz around you. The adrenaline was still fresh in your veins as you made your way back to your dressing room, ready to gulp down liters of water.

As soon as you closed the door behind you, you were suddenly pulled into an embrace with arms and a warmth that you instantly recognised.

"Jimin!" you squealed with a giggle as he peppers multiple kisses up and down the column of your neck, "Stop that!" you turned your face further away from him, which only gave him more access to your neck for more kisses, eliciting another squeal from you "-'m ticklish!"

"That's what you get for not telling me about that costume change," he huffed with a grin despite the teasing pout you imagined in his voice.

"I'm sorry, okay? Please forgive me," you turned in his arms to wrap your own around his neck and nuzzle into his collar bone, "I just wanted to surprise you...did you like it?" you looked up at him with your big eyes, weakening his knees.

"I'm sure you already know the answer to that..." he hums with a soft smile as he leans in to give you a kiss that you smile happily into.

The day after yet another one of the greatest nights of your life, you go onto social media and find pictures of your costume change and Jimin's reaction beside each other, everywhere. Biting back a smile, you read the title and itch to call your boyfriend.

'OUR FAVOURITE DANCING POWER COUPLE SHARE A MOMENT ON SCREEN IN MAMA'

'DANCING STAR, (Y/N), LEAVES JIMIN FLUSTERED WITH STUNNING ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGE'

Many fans were enthusiastically praising the interaction, creating fanart, fanfiction and conspiring if you had planned the surprise for Jimin or what, video compilations were also being made of different fancams catching Jimin's reactions of your costume change at different angles.

Everyone was so positive about the interaction but there were also many people commending your growth in dancing abilities and drawing further attention to your latest solo album release. It wasn't just the public either, many of your close friends and your old members were messaging you, congratulating you on such a good night and fangirling over the interaction that you and Jimin had that night.

Just as you think your heart is about to burst with happiness, Jimin starts calling you, "Hey baby," he coos, "I hope you don't mind me calling you so early in the morning but...can you please open the door?"

"Why are you here?" you grin as soon as you open the door, dressed in one of his oversized shirts and just your panties, "not that I'm complaining," you giggle as he scoops you up into his arms and nuzzles his nose into your neck affectionately before kicking the door closed behind him and walking to your bedroom.

"I want to personally congratulate you on last night's performance," his voice was still sweet but had an undertone of something that you couldn't quite place. It wasn't until you looked up and stared into his dark eyes that you realised the true meaning behind his words.

#jimin x reader #jimin x idol reader #BTS request #bts one shot #bts x reader

12 notes · View notes

exobyharu · 5 years

Text

PCY - Ch4

Chapter 4: Tomorrow will be better

(Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)...(Part 5)(Part 6)

Summary: After some delays, you end up in the cafe with PCY just the same. You dish about life in general. At the end of the night, all hate left you and you fall asleep with a smile on your face.

⏰11:58 PM 🌏Hotel (S), City of (L) 🌚It was finally raining but neither of you notice 👥 YN, Park Chanyeol, your best friend Jane (mentioned), Kim Jongdae (mentioned)

Notes: I am still alive! I am so sorry that my update took too long! This is Part 4, the final part of my sort of introduction-slash-build-up for the actual story where PCY becomes a permanent fixture in your life :D

Words: ~2,000

💙💙💙

The server ushered you to the center of the café since it was the only unoccupied spot. The place was packed and ever since you stepped in, you had encountered all sorts of curious glances from the tables nearby. Maybe they recognised your companion, or maybe he was simply much too tall to be anyone insignificant. You tilted your head in apprehension, because you surely would have done the same and gawked at these spectacularly underdressed guests.

While Chanyeol was quick to brush them off, that was something you could not manage. In fact, you did not know which made you more uneasy: to have people stare at you because you looked like you had stepped out of a slasher film, or to have people discreetly eyeing the person you were with by pretending to just be facing in your general direction.

When you finally sat down across from each other, Chanyeol asked, “what are you having?” and that was a timely distraction from your thoughts. He looked blissfully oblivious to how he had managed to divert everyone’s attention to himself. You knew that he did not care. You did, though. It was uncomfortable.

“Just… whatever you’re having,” you answered, not because you weren’t fond of coffee, but because you believed that it was the polite thing to say. You also did not know what you wanted, frankly. It was starting to become the recurring theme of your life.

“Nocciola?” He said it like an invitation.

You shrugged.

Perhaps as a precaution, he ordered the sweetest drink on the list. The silence that ensued as you watched him scan through the menu made you realise that a proper conversation with Park Chanyeol is incredibly difficult compared to just heatedly yelling back at him from your suite’s balcony. You felt as if some part of your pride was softening up as you watched this guy kindly flag down a server. You were never the type to be moved just by someone’s looks and here you were, thinking to yourself that there had to be a first time for everything.

Making sure that he did not grow on you, you made it objectively clear that he was simply more perceptive than you gave him credit for. He was nice, only because he was on the penalty here - or at least he thought so.

“I just want to formally apologise to you for last night,” he said, confirming your suspicion, and for a second, the warmth in his voice made you think that he did not have to do this. You had to remind yourself about how difficult it was to arrange a room transfer to strengthen your resolve.

“Well, this is quite formal.”

“You don’t like it here?”

“It’s a bit much for an apology,” you admitted, still. Ten dollars for a shot of espresso? This place was too excessive for your taste. Whatever it was that he ordered, you hoped that it did not cost more than the money you had on you. You also hoped that he did not see through your worry.

“Could be your luck turning around. Had a bad day, right?”

Bad day? Absolutely. Luck? If a reversal of today’s luck meant having Park Chanyeol buy you a drink, then you did not want it. Your pride was not worth a tiny serving of overpriced Italian coffee.

Perhaps today was not really getting better for you. “Please don’t make me talk about it.”

Chanyeol was smiling with what felt like shining endearment. “You don’t have to.”

It was too much. He was either laying it on thick, or his smile was simply breathtaking up close. Your defences needed back up. “Then tell me why you’re so nice all of a sudden.”

“I’m nice all the time!” he whined, leaning back against the velvet seat in slight exasperation. He was a good four feet away from your face now. That’s better, you thought, until he pouted. His pout was equally lovable. “Last night was… just a breaking point.”

“U-huh,” was all you managed because you were damned and that was a big problem for you. Why was it such a difficult affair to ignore his charm? You, on the get go, had established that Chanyeol looked much better if he were nice, and tonight, he was exceptionally nice. This made him, by inference, exceptionally handsome too.

He dazzled.

You focused on your hands that were gripping the cold glass of water because you could not look at him. Breathe in, breathe out. You were having a difficult time keeping yourself together. You needed another massive glass of sangria poured on you. It was almost depressing that it came an hour and a half too early.

It proved to be too much effort, prompting your eyes to meet his. How was it possible when the rest of your body seemed to misbehave, too? Your fingers would not stop trembling and your feet shuffled under the table. This was worse than public speaking, except that nothing was really at stake. There was a very handsome guy seated before you, though. That was not supposed to be a problem.

“…never wanted it, so that’s why we’re on this date right now.”

You heard the word and your head snapped up in an instant.

A date?

You counted up to five while your head buzzed with what you would always say whenever you called Jane out for swooning over Kim Jongdae: Woman! We’re not teenagers anymore! We should stop crushing on celebrities and start dating actual real people!

How did you end up in a date with a celebrity and crushing on an actual real person instead?

In your head, you rallied to disprove both counts. But if you could not refute the latter, you decided to capitalise on the fact that this time was not a date. It’s not! “This isn’t a date, Mr. Park,” you clarified, definitely not watching the slight curve of his lips as he tried to suppress his smile.

“I know, I know. I was just hoping to get a reaction from you.” He had laughter in his eyes, which made his gaze even more magnetic. “And call me Chanyeol, for crying out loud!”

“You are loud. Don’t you ever get into trouble for it?”

“Sometimes, I have to be loud to make a living.”

“Sounds like a fun job to me,” you answered wryly.

“It’s not, when your boss thinks you’re not good enough.”

“U-huh.” His remark was surprisingly loaded and you were not sure if you were willing to explore that. You left the decision up to him instead. “From what I gathered, the world loves you.”

“What a life that would be. How about you?”

He did not seem inclined to entertain the direction you suggested. And even though you were not particularly excited to tell him, a stranger if not by name, about the summary of your life’s current struggles, you decided that this day was bad enough to deserve a proper rant as well.

“Well, since I’m an unemployed post-graduate, my displeased parents want to marry me off to their friend’s equally unemployed, but much more financially endowed son.”

Chanyeol’s eyes grew bigger. “…who poured red wine over your head at dinner?”

You managed a laugh despite your paranoia telling you that two middle-aged women were now taking photos of Chanyeol’s back. You had to focus. “…whose pregnant girlfriend poured wine over my head at dinner, actually.”

He whistled. “It’s never easy, is it? Life?”

“Sounds like a backstory you’d like to share.”

Chanyeol shook his head. “Nope.”

“Can I ask you questions then?”

He considered it. “As long as you answer them too.”

Given your excellent talent for sarcasm, this was not the response that you were hoping for. You always felt vulnerable talking about yourself, but if you always veered away from discomfort, you knew that you were veering away from self-discovery as well. Besides, a complete stranger would definitely give you the most objective assessment. And even though you never expected conversations like this to go down tonight, this was just the type that you may need.

“Life sucks, but I’m happiest when I can make other people happy,” you started vaguely after a few thoughtful seconds. “What makes life more tolerable for you?”

“Same.”

“The hell???” you choked, keeping your voice in check. “You can’t copy my answer!”

Chanyeol’s smile finally eased in again. “But I think the same!”

“Explain then.”

He hummed absently in response as the server arrived to serve your drinks. You breathed in the sweet scent the coffee placed on the table, only opening your eyes when he finally started talking.

“Tonkatsu,” he said, taking a sip from his drink. “Tonkatsu makes me happy. And performing on stage. With thousands of fans. Hearing them sing to our songs as we dance on stage with lights illuminating everything and confetti falling everywhere around me. That’s when I’m happiest.”

When you said nothing, he grinned. “Too detailed?”

“Not the details I’m looking for, but I guess it’s enough to paint a picture. It must be nice to be a superstar.”

“The people who matter are those who support you. Ignore everyone else who doesn’t. You don’t need to be a superstar to know that.”

“So, only your fans matter and your boss doesn’t. Is that what you’re saying?”

He playfully pointed a finger at you. “That is exactly what I’m saying. In fact...” Trailing off, Chanyeol turned to the bag beside his seat and fished out the only thing that could make a musician so thrilled. It was a signed copy of his album with some other guy that Jane would probably recognise with her eyes closed.

Seriously?

It was impossible for you to mirror his excitement, but you did not want to be rude. “What is this?” you asked instead.

The guy’s smile was beaming at you, no doubt eager to see you react positively. “It’s our subunit’s EP.”

Unfortunately, you were not one to fake it to be kind. “Thank you, I appreciate it. Even though, like I said, I’m not actually a fan.”

“Oh, but you will be, when you listen to it later!”

With that, you did not argue any further. It was enough that he believed you already and soon enough, the rest of the conversation flowed without effort. He even ended up telling you about why he was there in the hotel, and why his mentors think that isolation was a great opportunity for uninfluenced introspection and creativity. In return, you shared pretty much everything, including those that you refused to tell even Jane. It was not until the cafe was closing that the both of you realised that it had been at least a couple of hours since you sat down and started talking. Regretfully, with only Chanyeol’s EP as a souvenir, it was time to leave.

You took the elevator back to your floor that night feeling easy, having had a once-in-a-lifetime café conversation with an insanely handsome, remarkably perceptive and contagiously cheerful stranger. You could not remember the last time you enjoyed spending an evening, just being yourself without fear of being judged or told off. Maybe part of it was because you knew that he was what you would call a passerby – a person that you would meet once and never see again. For that, you had nothing to lose. And unlike last night, he turned out to be capable of sweet when he put in the effort. Even sweeter was the inviting scent when you entered your unit as you discovered the giant bouquet of pink roses that adorned the living room table like a centrepiece. On it was a note, written in sloppy handwriting and for some reason, you knew who sent it. Chanyeol must have had it delivered to your room while you were at the café and you could almost hear his voice as you read the message.

Tomorrow will be better. I promise. - PCY

And so you fell asleep with the visual memory of your favourite passerby’s smile, wrapping over you like a warm blanket. Only for tonight, you promised yourself. Tomorrow, you will leave the memory of meeting this wonderful person behind.

#chanyeol #chanyeol scenarios #park chanyeol #exo scenarios #exo #park chanyeol scenarios #exo fanfiction #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenarios

13 notes · View notes

fangirlish33-blog · 5 years

Text

Loving Blindly

Harry is intrigued by a blind! Y/N who is very passionate about life.

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first fic ever. I'm so excited to share it with you and I hope it reaches out. Initially I didn't wanted to write it but I just started and it took me about a week to complete this first part. A massive thank you to @loveandyourstrulyh for the pushing me to write and beta reading this. You have my heart Yev! and secondly, I want to thank @waitingfortwilight who wrote this amazing masterpiece Subtitles which gave me inspiration. Make sure to read Kates entire masterlist! Taging @isntshelovelyharry because I told her I'll write a fic exactly one month and four days ago and she told me to tag her.

PART 1: Word Count (2k+)

Los Angeles is no doubt a celebrity’s favorite place apart from New York. Just like that, it was Harry’s favorite for two reasons, one; access to his favorite studios and two, coffee shops. Whenever he would come to L.A for holidays, he would always go to different coffee shops. But today he wanted to go to that one shop where he felt like home. He finished his morning work-out earlier than usual, so he took a shower and decided to jog to his go-to place, ‘Dorothy’s Garden’.

Not only did Harry loved the coffee and those delicious chocolate chip cookies but he also loved the whole setting of this coffee shop. The shop is situated a little out of the main city, blocking it from the usual buzz of people and bumper-to-bumper traffic. The entrance is lined with flowers of different kinds. The path leading to the front, glass door is hidden from the sky by green, giant vines of Virginia creepers.

Harry was introduced to this place by Mitch when they were writing songs. Mitch had spent time in the coffee shop before because the owner of the shop, Dorothy, was his cousin. Harry soon grew fond of this place. It provided him the right amount of focus and calmness to pen his feelings in the form of verses.

Harry pushed the glass door open, the attached bell dinging, announcing the entrance of a customer. Dorothy emerged from the kitchen which was hidden, to attend to her customer, “Ah… I was expect-”, her sentence is cut “Harry!”, she shrieked and hopped a little, like an excited fan, her excitement telling her that she wasn’t expecting him. She wasted no time in opening the small door separating the counter from the shop and pulled him in for a hug. He hugged her back. Her blonde hair is shorter than last time. One thing that is always different in the woman he has arms around. But some things that don’t change is her attire, love for him and the warmth of her hug.

“Well, g'morning to you too Dotty,” she detached herself from him, looking up at him. “I wasn’t expecting you, like at all,” she waved her hand. “ Yes, I can see that from all the shrieking you did right there,” he mimicked her, “And the fact that you said you were expecting someone, while clearly, it was not me.”

“Oh, that’s Y/N. She’s my new customer. Usually, come around this time. I was preparing her order but, now I guess I had to make another one.”, she smiles at him.

“So, you’re earlier than usual in this visit.”, she says, as she stands with her back to the counter.

“Wow, so now you count how many times I visit, huh?”, he teased her, arms crossing on his chest. “I mean, yeah I do sometimes when I miss you. But, see here’s the thing, last time you visited me with a gap of a month was when you had a break-up with tha’ Kardashian chick.”, she air-quoted.

Harry laughed at her comment. She gestured towards the nearby table and he took a seat. She, on the other hand, took a wiping cloth and initiated mission 'cleaning the tables’, she did double clean always once in the morning after the opening and one after closing. She started from the one Harry was sitting on. There was no one in the shop except him and Dotty, he blamed that on the early time and due to the fact that it was Saturday otherwise, she was always snowed under a lot of work.

“First off, she’s a Jenner.”, he raised his index finger, “and secondly, her name is Kendall.”, he raised his middle finger along with index, “ and thirdly”, he sighed, “ I don’t wanna say it.”, he spoke slowly, “but you’re right, I had a break-up.”, he pursed his lips together. Dorothy’s eyes widened. “Bad one.”, he added. It’s not like she didn’t try, she tried her damndest, but she gave up, laughing hard.

He rolled his eyes. “Okay stop. Like I’m so upset!”, he exclaimed, slapping his palm on the table lightly. She took deep breaths and at last stopped her high-pitched laugh. She moved across the tables and sat on the chair right beside him. He was pouting slightly. She smiled at him.

“Okay, I was seriously joking.”, she leaned against the back of the chair, “What’s the bird’s name?”, she asked him.

“Camille.”, he sighed heavily, “She was a blonde too.”, he says flatly

“Was she? Never heard of her. Seriously.”, she spotted dirt on her side of the table and wiped it quickly, “ Wait! by stating that she’s blonde you wanna tell me that my theory is correct?”, she asked enthusiastically.

“Well, yeah I guess.”, he says, “I mean, I’m still a good friend with Kendall.”

“And she wasn’t a blonde.”, you point out.

“Exactly. But, Taylor, Cara, and Camille are all blonde and well.”, he sighs, “they all ended up drastically.”

“Well I can’t tell you to stop dating blondes, But really Take. A. Break.. ”, she said, stressing each word. “It’ll be difficult to keep tha’ in your pants.”, Harry looks down at his crotch instinctively, “ I know it’ll be hard. But, you gotta do it.”, she teases him.

“Stop that!”

“You!”, she point at him, Stop whining. It'll be alright don't you worry, okay?, he nods his head.

“Good! now let’s get to business. Should I bring you your espresso with thick forth and those creepy ingredients you love?”, she scrunches her nose.“ Hey!”, he tries to act offended.

Dotty opens the small door without waiting for an answer because one year of staying with a dork that Harry is, is enough to know a simple answer from him. She enters the kitchen while Harry pulls his phone out of the pocket to see some messages from producers who are working with him on his second album.

***

You are usually accompanied by your friend to Dotty’s but today she didn’t come so you decided to go on your own. Your mother tried to stop you but failed. You knew she cared about you that’s why she didn’t let you go alone. But it wasn’t helping matters. In fact, it was making you more sheepish, whiny and lazy. All the traits you hated.

When you were a child, you hated it. Hated the darkness always surrounding you. It was everywhere. By the time you turned a teenager, you realized it’s not about the light in eyes, it’s about the light inside hearts. All the bullying and teasing for sole reason of lacking a sense. The thing you have no control over, made you stronger. Stronger than other women of your age and now at the age of twenty-three, It doesn’t even matter. You just let the whisper blow in the wind.

You take a hold of the cool, metal handle and push the hard door open. The difference in the air is mesmerizing you. Harry’s attention is diverted when you enter the shop. He is watching you as you take a deep breath. The cane in your hand and the certain way your eyes move showing him that you’re blind.

Usually, Amanda, your friend would make the order and let you sit but today it was different. You come to a halt when your cane is blocked by a hard surface. Taking this as a cue, you call Dorothy in a slow voice. “Is anyone there? Dorothy?”, you ask. When you lack a sense, all the pressure comes to your other senses. You can’t see but, this makes your hearing strong. Stronger than an average person. It’s strange but it also makes you able to feel presence, if someone is staring at you.

“Um… hey, are you Y/N?”, a deep, male voice comes from just a few feet distance startling you a little. You whip your head in the voice’s direction getting the hint that he was probably the one staring at you.

“Yes, I am.”, You’re certain that you’ve never introduces yourself to that voice but, you’re also certain you’ve heard this voice before. The deep, husky voice seeming oddly familiar to you. Like… Like you’ve heard this voice a thousand times before in the form of a record. And it hits you.

“Are you… Harry Styles?”, You asked hesitantly.

Harry lets out a quiet laugh. He can’t believe you recognized him without seeing him, not even once. But, then maybe you can see and the cane was not for you to use.

“Um… yeah I thought you can’t see”, he stops himself and covers his mouth with his hands but the words already tumbled out. He looks at you with wide eyes and quickly tries to compose a response that is more appropriate.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”, he apologized.

“It’s okay. It happens. But I can hear you, right?”, you put on a smile to let him know that it was okay, that you didn’t mind it, not even the slightest.

He replied with a small, sad “yes”. “Just on time!”, you heard Dorothy’s voice echoing, “How are you?”, she asked before she pulled you in for a hug and then took you to the nearest table. You think it is the table where Harry is sat because you can feel his presence. “I’m fine Dorothy. What about you?”

"Never better. By the way, Where is Amanda? Not in the scene right now.", She asks.

"Oh, she was sleeping. So, I didn't woke her up."

Dorothy looks at Harry, smiling seeing him watch you speak.

She introduces you to Harry and asked if you’ve listened his ‘boring’ album to which he probably reacted in some ‘unnoticeable’ way because you can hear a grunt from him. “His album isn’t boring Dotty. It is one of the best from our type of generation who has no taste in music.”, you praised him and it’s not like you are trying to gain brownie points in front of him or that you’re his fan because you’re none. You’ve never even heard about him but, your friend was his fan. So, when she bought the album and played it, you can’t help but see how genuine his music really was.

“Thanks. It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”, Harry speaks. He extends his hand, a normal habit, he guesses. He waits until Dorothy picks your hand and places it until it is in Harry’s hand. Realization hits him like a truck that you cant see him. He makes a mental note to keep it glued in his mind for future. Although he is pretty much sure there will be no future.

You take his hand shaking it slightly. It felt as if chills ran down your spine. The simple feeling of his soft hands upon yours felt different, so different from the other men you’ve ever touched. It felt right. A small gasp left your lips and despite it being small, Harry notices it and smiles to himself. Not only does he notice the gasp but, he also notices how your cheeks turned rosy pink after just a slight contact. He is shocked by your reaction to him, wondering if it is normal.

Although, his shocking is cut-short with your reply of, “Pleasure is all mine, Mr. Styles.” He suppressed a laugh.

“Oh no, please call me Harry.”, he insists. Harry is sure he has never seen a pair of more beautiful eyes. He loved the way your eyes moved, saddened to realize that they can’t see the world. Saddened that despite being there, they provided you no light.

“I’m sorry for being extra late today in bringing you coffee.”, Dorothy apologized, before handing you a steaming coffee cup.

“No, it’s alright.”, you say and Harry mutters a small thank you, most probably to Dorothy. “Hey Y/N, why don’t you do that feeling thing on Harry you did with me the other day?”, Dorothy shocks you before taking a sip from her cup.

“Um…no, I don’t think so. It’s not necessary, I… I can hear him”, you shift uncomfortably on your seat. You can’t do that on him because he already feels different. You felt different when you touched his hand, you can’t fathom the feeling of touching his face.

“Oh c’mon. It’s okay.”, Dorothy huffs, dragging the ‘okay’ a little longer.

“What ‘feeling thing’?”, Harry asks curiously, his interest is piqued.

“Oh… didn’t I told you before, she touches ones face to feel how they look.”, Dorothy wriggles her eyebrows at Harry. “Really?”, he is pretty much sure he already wants that, “Yeah isn’t it cool. I mean it’s helpful for her.”

You can practically feel the heat radiating off your cheeks. You don’t want to do it but, at the same time, you do. You hesitantly nod your head when she begs you to do it.

You raise your free hands in the air towards him. At first, they just roam in the air but then Harry takes a hold of your wrists and direct them to his own face. You let your fingertips graze his forehead. His skin is soft but clammy due to perspiration. You move your fingers further down his eyebrows, letting them fall on his eyelids as he closes his eyes upon touching, you graze down to his cheekbones but stop when they fall on his upper lip, he instinctively wets his dry lips. The tips of your fingers drag on his lips which are slightly wet. His lower lip, broader than the upper one and soft. So soft. His beath fan across your tips which you gently move down. Ending the journey at his chin, you lift your hands from his face.

Harry's breathing is erratic and he is trying to control it by taking a deep breath. He is trying his best but, right now he desperately wants to shout or moan or just do something in order to relieve some of his pent-up frustration. He is pretty sure no one has ever touched him so smoothly yet, carefully and it was just that; an innocent touch yet, he felt its effect down to his bones. He can’t help but remember that your fingers had just stopped at his eyes and lips a tad bit longer. His heart is still beating way too fast and he is curious about yours. Curious, whether yours is beating like that too.

A voice of clearing throat pulls him out of his fantasy. He looks around and notices that Dorothy is standing behind the station and his co-worker has now arrived. They are preparing drinks for several people who are sitting on various tables. "Did you say something?", he asks you as there is no one else who will clear their throat to get his attention.

"Yes. What is your eye color Harry?", you were almost afraid to ask but, you did at last. You just wanted to complete the feeling as there was just no image. What is even an image?He didn’t respond when you asked for the first time so, you just cleared your throat.

"Green.", he replies. Green must be a beautiful colour that is why a man whose soft like him got it. You're sure you don't even need eyes to tell that he is in fact handsome. A kind of handsome that people call hot. You nod your head indicating him that you understand, but clearly didn’t. To you green, blue, white, orange all are same. They are all colors. The only difference is the name. But, only for you.

You take the last sip from your cup and place it down. "Are you a student?", he asks timidly.

"No, I'm an ASL teacher at a deaf school.", you tell him. You can call yourself lucky in that sense. When you tell other people who are blind, they are shocked because most of them remained jobless for a long time. Job opportunities are scarce for people like you.

Harry is sure his eyes will pop out of there sockets. "What?", he is baffled by your response.

" ASL stands for-”

“I know what it stands for. I’m just… shocked.”

“Why is everyone response is surprised when I tell them I'm a sign-language teacher?", you laugh.

"I mean… it is a surprise.", he smooths his hair from his forehead, "Like… you can't see and you teach children who can't hear. It's just…", he sighs. He's clearly shocked to see a woman like you. So powerful and headstrong. He was even more astonished when he hears your response to what he said. How can one do so much for her community and be humble about it? Harry wondered. He took the time to admire your beauty and he only knew you for a short time though it seemed like hours had already passed. To him, it's endearing and is encouraging him to know you more. More than already. He is pretty sure that he will stick more than one mental note for future reference.

"It's what Harry?", you ask him again.

"It's endearing Y/N. It's bloody amazing."

***

Share with me what you think about Loving Blindly, here!

47 notes · View notes

asterinjapan · 4 years

Text

the end of a journey

And that wraps up my collection posts for this trip. How time has flown by…

As always, I like to do a final post in which I look back on my travelling, before I close this blog until my next trip. I am going to do that this time as well, but my reflections on Okinawa will be slightly different than expected, as in the early morning of October 31, the main buildings of Shuri Castle were destroyed in a fire. Thankfully there were no human casualties, but the loss of the castle cuts deep for Okinawa, and it would feel odd to just cheerily babble about visiting the castle without touching upon what happened a mere 4 weeks later (to the day, I now realize).

I uh, might have postponed this entry so that I could pretend I didn’t have to close the chapter of this trip, haha. But with my photo album done, all that’s left is my final words.

Now without further ado, the final post for Japan 2019!

One would think that after eight previous trips, another flight to Japan would feel like routine, but the start was already different since I needed a domestic flight transfer. However, being able to see the islands of Okinawa from the plane awed me, and definitely set the tone for my enjoyment of the main island. I arrived with fairly high expectations, and I got to say that Okinawa more than delivered. Although I confess it was slightly odd to stay along the Kokusaidori main street, as it’s so touristic and feels like a shopping street in Tokyo, but it still has its own Okinawan flavor. And I was so close to the ocean! I couldn’t believe how quickly I reached the shores, and even with a highway road above my head, it was great to trail through the water on my day of arrival.

Visiting Shuri Castle was on the top of my wish list, so I did that right on my first full day. Reading about the beautiful reconstructions and seeing the pictures definitely didn’t hold up to the real thing, and I could only admire the love and dedication that had gone into reconstructing this centuries old castle. It felt so completely different from the other Japanese castles, which it of course is, but I hadn’t expected to feel that so acutely. You could definitely tell how proud the people here were of the castle, and I can only hope that those whose livelihoods depended on the castle can get by now. It still feels surreal to think that the buildings are no longer there. There are logistical problems for rebuilding, although I don’t doubt they will get there in the end. It burnt down before, and rose from the most terrible of ashes. It will likely take decades, but considering how big a symbol this place is, there will definitely be something new. I do confess I kind of skipped war memorials during this trip to Okinawa, but the scars of the Battle of Okinawa was visible everywhere; and yet it was also noticeable how the people have come back from it. I can only hope their spirit will continue from hereon too and that this symbol will rise again.

Of course, I had no idea while I was there what would happen four weeks later, but I’m glad in retrospect that I took my time and uh, took as many pictures as I did. Nearby Tamaudun Mausoleum impressed me deeply as well, although I must confess that was due to the full package: the castle and the history and the mausoleum together, plus the pathway leading up to the building was short but absolutely lovely.

After that, I saw so many sights. I climbed the mountain to find Nakagukusu castle, where I had a blast feeling like I was in some weird limbo between a gothic European castle in ruins with crows flying by and, well, a subtropical island, with beautiful blue seas on both sides. Weirdly, it really looked like only the castle was clouded that day, as the sun was shining on both sea sides, but it just added to the atmosphere.

I went from super touristic but cheerful Okinawa World with its gorgeous caves to the genuine and wonderful museum, teaching me so much more about the islands, explored gorgeous gardens, and to top it all off, I got to spend a day on Tokashiki island, which really was the icing on an already delicious cake. The weather was lovelier than I could have even hoped for, the views were amazing, and I was honestly jealous of myself while I was there. This really was the picture perfect ‘tropical holidays’ right from the travel brochure, and although I think I’d get bored of it if I were to spend a whole week just chilling on the beach, it was an amazing way to end my week down south. Not to mention the submarine ride! I’m really glad I was tenacious and eventually lucked out and got on, because I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. It’s one thing to see coral reefs on tv or in an aquarium, but seeing them in the wild is awe inspiring. Luckily the Kerama Islands (which Tokashiki is the biggest of) are a national park and under protection, and I can only hope that we can all protect amazing sights like these all around the globe.

After a week of exploring something completely new, it was time to return to an old friend: Fukuoka, which I had stayed in for a week back in 2015. I had fond memories of staying there, and this week didn’t disappoint. The flight was so relaxed I would almost say I got rid of my fear of flying (not entirely, but it definitely diminished from here on), and then it was time to explore the places I had missed out on before! It was my first time seeing a typical conical and active volcano, and Sakurajima definitely didn’t disappoint. Karatsu had caught my eye in recent years, and I’m so happy I went there, because I had a delightful day and I was thoroughly charmed by this city. Beppu was highly touristic, but I had a good time exploring the hells anyway, and I’m easily amused, so getting to say ‘I went to hells and back’ won’t get old soon. The typhoon made me stay in Fukuoka for a day since I didn’t want to risk getting stranded, but I don’t regret it one bit as I finally got to see Kushida shrine in the sun and had a blast in Canal City. It was safe enough to go to Yoshinogari Historical Park next, and wow, there was so much to see and do that I definitely have to go back here sometime. And hey, I got to be crafty and made a mirror! I’m still unreasonably proud.

With the weather continuing to smile down on me, I hit Okayama next, where I finally got to dress up as a princess in the castle (I’m easily pleased) and saw the sights we sadly had to miss out on last year due to floods. Gorgeous sights and castles greeted me as I finally got to see more of Shikoku, and although I am definitely a bit weary of temples now (sorry, Onomichi), the views over the Inland Sea continue to impress. The weather was exceedingly kind to me and gave me blue skies over all castles, and so I happily checked off number 7 on the list of 12 original castle towers still remaining. Past the halfway point! I do love castles, haha.

My luck hadn’t run out yet as on my final day in Okayama, KOKIA was performing in Osaka. It was just an hour away from Okayama, the closest I was to Osaka the entire trip, so that left enough time to visit Universal Studios beforehand. And of course, seeing KOKIA live is always a magical experience (which is a nice bridge from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter I guess, haha). I’ve said it before, but even live recordings and DVDs can’t compare to the live experience, and I feel so privileged and blessed that this is my seventh time (!) getting to see her live. And this was my third time in a row getting to meet her for an autograph! I might get spoiled at this rate, haha. It was wonderful to hear songs from all those years ago as well as some newer favorites.

And although I hadn’t been looking forward to the long trip to Tokyo, this was in fact a very relaxed experience. I had so much leg space that my suitcase in front of me was no big bother, and the seats next to me stayed empty anyway. Getting back to Tokyo, and more specifically Ikebukuro, felt like coming home again, and I enjoyed soaking into the familiar sights (and uh, shopping, I have to admit).

This was the only part of my trip where I actually noticed the typhoons that had blown over or were on their way. Japan has taken quite the battering this year, with typhoons forming very late into the season, being more powerful than ever, with Hagibis being the tragic record. It had given me quite the scares, but all it really meant for me was a few windy days, two days of rain on 4 weeks total, and making it risky to leave Tokyo for the mountainous areas. The people here have suffered far more. I can only hope they recover well from this natural violence and that they can catch a break for a while.

Anyway, you can easily dump me in Tokyo for months on end and I will still have a great time. This city is so massive and there are plenty of places worth a second (or third, or ninth) visit, so it’s hard to imagine I’d ever get bored here. And since many of the series and games I like hail from Japan, I definitely took the chance to stock up on merchandise and go to cafés to let out my inner fangirl. Look, I grew up on Pokémon, I’m not gonna ignore the chance to have dinner with Pikachu. Rainy days aren’t so bad if you get to spend them in a museum so big that even a full day is barely enough to see everything, and I got to spend some extra days with my friend on top of it.

I have to admit I felt a bit bad about not using my JR pass much in that last week except for the Yamanote line, but that in no way diminished how much fun I had, and I confess to having cried a couple of times in my final days in Tokyo due to my impending return home. Of course, going on holidays is different from living somewhere, but I still feel like a piece of me was left behind in Japan way back in 2010, and so it hurts to part every time. That might sound dramatic, but that metaphor does explain why I feel so strongly about it.

The flight back gave me one last treat with the Fuji showing up through the clouds, marking the first time in all those flights when I actually got to see it from the plane. Sadly the picture I took on my phone isn’t super crisp, but it’s the best I could do at the moment, and really, there’s something about that mountain you can’t quite catch on camera anyway. The flight was calm and hardly affected my nerves, and though I didn’t sleep much, I managed to get home safe and sound without even falling asleep on the train or bus.

Of course, the jetlag was waiting for me with a big ol’ hammer, and it took a while for me to recover. A bit longer than expected, actually, although I suspect part of that was caused by just how much I’ve seen and done over those past 4 weeks. Look at how long this entry is getting, and I barely even touched on some days and impressions! I can’t believe I got to check off my entire list of places to visit until I got to Tokyo. I hadn’t thought my body could handle it, but I was pleasantly surprised, and I definitely feel in a better condition than ever. Seeing all these wonderful sights for sure invigorated me, so I don’t doubt it helped, but the relative ease with which I climbed those mountains also surprised me. Not that I’m complaining!

And that brings me back home. I’ve had two weeks to recover now, and I think my body has adjusted to being back in the Netherlands again. I’ve collected all my reports from this blog (and have apparently done NaNoWRiMo writing challenge a month early, as I surpassed 50,000 words written in a month, oops), my photos have been sorted out, I’ve put together a photo book for the collection, and… well, all that’s left is closing off this blog until the next trip. That won’t be this year anymore, haha, no more last-minute Christmas trips to Tokyo! Although I won’t deny it’s tempting, but I’d rather take the time to plan out my trip for next time.

I don’t know when that will be. Part of me really wants to see the cherry blossoms, but it’s a busy season, so I should be looking into flights and hotels already if I am set on doing so next year. Summer 2020 is out, though. I’d rather avoid the height of summer in Japan if at all possible, and well, with the Olympics and Paralympics next year, I think Japan really doesn’t need any more tourists in the mix, haha. So, who knows! I’ll have to wait and see where next year takes me, although I’d love to return to Japan as soon as possible. I still haven’t visited Hokkaido, after all, and I did plan out a lot of day trips from Tokyo that I didn’t get to do now.

I keep saying it, but I don’t think I’ll ever be done with Japan. Despite hardships, I am so happy I decided to study its language and culture, over a decade ago now. It really broadened my horizons, allowed me to meet new people, and introduced me to an immensely interesting country. Although I’m far from fluent (I really need to pick up my study books and at least increase my vocabulary, yikes), it still really helped finding my way here and getting in touch with people. Of course, I saw everything through a tourist’s eye, but I do my best to read up on the places I visit and get a better sense of the culture and history through first hand experience. Speaking the language to a degree definitely helps with that.

And so, I will now close this blog again until my next trip, which hopefully won’t take too long. Whether it’ll be a short hop over to Tokyo or a longer cross-country travel remains to be seen, but I can’t wait to find out!

Thank you for sticking with this blog and for reading all that in case you made it here, and see you soon!

#report #report: japan 2019 #japan 2019

3 notes · View notes

thefreshfinds · 5 years

Text

TOSO:

While TOSO's conscious ways are deemed as priceless, one can expect his overrall sound to be cheaper by the dozen! His range of topics (if measured) are off the scale. Nevertheless, he's fresh to death goddamnit!

In an instant the MC could be speaking on how we're robots in our modern society, "From the fact since I was young, I was raised to be a slave/Go to school, study math, beatings if my grades were bad. When all I really want to do is play some ball or write some raps../Hoping I can talk some real sh-t into all these little kids/What you're learning is from within. F-ck the system that was built. 'Cause real authority only comes after someones just been killed/True will is all it takes, turn yourself into a great." (Cant Stop Me). Then, TOSO can speak on how he's got varieties when it comes to his kush & women, "Have sex with b-tches in all 50 states/High everytime & it all feels the same/Yeah it's insane, rollin' them plain/ Quarter with me everywhere I go." (Fish Scale) or "When I do shows, f-ck h-es/Get checks (So Outstanding). However, it all comes down to the cadence he decides to use.

With this in mind, he says "The combination of meaning, cadence, flow & word choice is what makes for a good verse. A perfect verse will roll off your tongue perfectly without loosing breath. People should be able to understand your words & the flow you choose. Essentially your voice should be like another instrument on the beat." And so TOSO does his diligence to make a song for every mood.

On the other hand — the flow he chooses is stopped short. Simply, to keep a listener hung up on his choice of rhyme schemes. Yet TOSO's pride runs deep on creating #1 hits.  "I love thinking about & creating new songs. But I love recording them even more." TOSO adds "Recording a song is like game-time to me. When I’m in the booth I know that all my practice has come down to that moment. I know whatever I do from that point on will be on record forever." All these components help TOSO to reach all audiences. At most, it's really unbiased.

Griginally from the suburbs of Lincoln, Rhode Island — TOSO is an independent hip hop artist who now resides in Los Angeles, California. Fond of his hometown's cheap rates, TOSO loves the fact that all of his friends & family are back there. But maybe (just maybe) they'll move to The Golden State? "Ever since moving to L.A I’ve realized how much more expensive things are in the West compared to the East Coast." he goes on to say "I’m sure if any of them had a chance to move to California they would in a heart beat."

Raised by parents who are migrants from Nigeria, he also has 1 older sister. In his earliest years, TOSO was involved in sports. However at 6 years old, he was involved a life threatening car accident that left him with a huge scar above his right eye. By college TOSO was playing Division 1 college basketball. Then he began taking music seriously & put his basketball career on halt to pursue it further.

Throughout the years he's loved writing. He would even write essays & create stories from his imagination. But TOSO took it further in middle school with song lyrics in middle school (which came naturally). He recalls his first time rapping in front of people in the 5th grade. It then followed with a couple of his friends asking him to freestyle for them. By high school TOSO was writing song lyrics to instrumentals. Then the MC found out quickly that he had a talent for making music; but was still serious about playing basketball & going to the NBA. So he decided to keep music as a hobby. Fast forward to TOSO's sophomore year of college when he had an apartment with some friends & basketball teammates. Suddenly TOSO had an ephiphany. For the long haul, TOSO wanted to start making music. "My teammates, Parris Massey, was also into making music & had a microphone set up in his room. Soon after moving in together, I would hang out with him whenever he recorded songs. During that summer Wiz Khalifa dropped “Kush & Orange Juice”, which had a huge influence on my life. I went from being a serious athlete to becoming a pot head musician. Most people saw this as a bad turn in my life, but I knew that If I worked hard I could turn my situation into a positive one." says TOSO.

Since then TOSO has been perfecting his craft & working on becoming the greatest rapper that’s ever lived. Ultimately his love for making music & hearing himself drove him to take it seriously. "I loved the reaction I got out of people when they heard my music. I loved the adrenaline that I felt after getting off stage at my first performance. I love the satisfaction of perfecting a song that I’ve heard in my head." A carefree being, TOSO keeps in mind that time is his to own! While he follows his intuition, he strays away from unneccesary drama. "In my music my message is that there’s no right or wrong way to live life." says TOSO "Enjoy your time as much as you can while you are here, effect the world the way you want to effect the world & let everything else play it’s part."

Likewise his music allows him to be honest & show people it’s ok to feel all sorts of emotions. It's very unpredictable. "Sometimes I’ll go through 500 beats in a day & only find 6 that I like. But usually out of those 6 I’ll be able to make a couple hit records." adds TOSO "After finding the beats comes the fun part. Writing song lyrics makes me feel as good as I use to feel when I played basketball. Coming up with a catchy metaphor is like hitting a nice jump-shot. Sometimes I’ll write a clever lines and get so excited about it that I scream out in joy. I love thinking about & creating new songs, and I love recording them even more." TOSO even says that writing lyrical verses & harmonizing are his biggest strengths. For him, writing lyrics & harmoninzing are like solving math equations. Harmonizing comes from his soul & he usually has no control over what harmony he uses because the different instrumentals dictate them. "Staking different melodies & harmonies are my favorite."

As artist, TOSO believes that they've got it all wrong. When it comes down to it, he says that in today's generation encouraging words, likes, shares, & attendance to shows are considered support. However artists expect their family & friends to do these things without hesitation. Honestly though, they are not required to. "Support comes from true fans who like you & your music. Make better music & present yourself a better way. The support will come." In addition TOSO wishes the current era would start a union that gathered all their fans & moved them in a positive direction. Fans need to get educated on the laws of their state & about banks. It's best to start a credit union.

For all the upcoming artist — TOSO advises you to make clear-cut music & videos. Along with this, he encourages you to perform at any show they can & to network. Yet the most important piece is to know your worth.

Expect the interchangable MC to drop an album real soon. In his words, he's been working on his debut album titled “The Prophecy”for the past 3 years. It consist of his best work yet & has been the most difficult project he's ever worked on. "I feel like Jay-Z or J-Cole when they dropped their first album. Although I’m releasing it fully independent." TOSO goes on to say "I believe the music speaks for itself. Each song has a different vibe but the cohesive unit sounds like one sound. The best parts of the album are the instrumentals & the lyrics."

Moreover it took him 2 years to pick the beats on this album. "Each day I would go through over 100 beats & probably only wrote to 4 of them. Then after I had 20 songs written I would narrow it down to 3. I would repeat that until I had 15 songs. In the end I narrowed it down to 13 songs for the album. These are all my best songs and probably better than most the songs you hear on the radio. I plan to release this album this summer, but the date is still pending."

Before the album TOSO will be releasing a single from the album called “The Best”. He says that this song is very uplifting & melodic. It's guaranteed to give everyone a good vibe. TOSO will also be releasing some tracks that didn’t make it on the album. "Even though they are not good enough to be on the album, I think they are still worthy enough to share with my fans." he says. The first release is titled “Can’t Stop Me” and can be heard HERE: https://song.link/i/1460102483w

By: Natalee Gilbert

LINK(s):

1. SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/therealtoso

2. Instagram: @therealtoso

3. YouTube: www.youtube.com/TheRealToso

4. Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheRealToso

#soundcloud #freshfinds #music #musicblog #rap #listen #banger #musicians #hip hop #follow #nojumper #hot97whosnext #unsignedrapper #complex

2 notes · View notes

harrystylesgoldencreature · 5 years

Text

Just a Flicker of Hope-Chapter 4-New Year, New Beginnings

She looked around the crowed bar and sighed. She had always hated working on holidays, but the money was well worth it. Her boss had always been good to her when it came to holiday pay, and she definitely could not pass it up. Besides, it was not like she had any plans for the New Years anyway. The customers were loud and rowdy, as they celebrated the last day of the year. Fortunately, she wasn't scheduled to close that night. She would get off just in time to watch the ball drop in Time Square. It had always been her favorite thing to do, at the end of the year. She had not missed it, since she moved there 6 years earlier. Felicity was lost in thought, as she refilled her customers drinks. It had been a very busy day, and she had not had time to take a break. Nor had she had time to think. This seemed to be for the best since all she could do now a days was think about Harry. Lately, she couldn't take her mind off of him. He was in her every waking thought, and it drove her crazy. Not to mention, she had even started to dream of him at night. Harry had been coming into her bar, everyday for the past week and a half now. Being she had to work on Christmas, they spent the holiday together. He had yet to tell his family what happened between him and Courtney so he faked an illness, to get out of his annual family dinner. However, he had not wanted to spend the day alone so he came into the bar. It had become routine for them to chat and flirt with one another. She thought the flirting was harmless at first, considering he was still getting over a heartbreak. She had refused to allow herself to feel anything towards him other than friendship. Although she did like him as more than a friend, she refused to be his rebound from Courtney. The girl had already stolen Mark from her, she didn't want her to be the reason that Harry wanted anything to do with her as well. She would never be able to live with herself. Oddly, Harry had yet to make an appearance today. She kept waiting for him to come strutting into the bar and say something cheeky to her. She had become fond of his many pet names and flirting banter. She secretly loved it, though she would never admit it to herself. Looking at the clock for the hundredth time, she sighed in relief. It was finally ten o'clock when meant it was time for her to leave. She loved her job, and her customers, but she did get tired of the place at times. Filling up her last customer's glass, she headed back behind the counter. She started to grab her things and clock out. “Oh don't go!” Jenna whined. “Come on! Stay here with me. Since I can't go out and party, you shouldn't be allowed to either.” “Hey now! You always go out partying and leave me behind. Pay back is a bitch!” She teased. Jenna stuck her tongue out, in a childlike manner. “Well since you're going out anyways, at least find you a man. For the love of God have a goodnight for once! Go crazy!” “Yeah right,” Felicity said rolling her eyes. “God you're so dull!” She whined, only partly joking. “Well some of us can't get any guy we want like you!” “Oh whatever! I see how that Harry guy looks at you! I also see the way the two of you flirt! Why not take a shot on him? He looks like he would be great in bed.” “I told you, Harry just got out of a relationship.” “And? Rebound sex is amazing.” “That's the thing! I don't want to just be some rebound. I don't see a point in that! I would just end up having feelings for him, and he wouldn't want anything more from me.” “You don't know unless you try.” She said stubbornly. “I really don't want to talk about this now! I need to be going. See you tomorrow?” “I'll be here! Have fun!” She called out. Walking towards the exit of the bar, Felicity waved to a few of her regular customers that she knew quite well. The cool breeze hit her, as soon as she stepped outside. She stood with her face looking towards the sky for a moment. The cool night air felt good on her hot cheeks. She tried to keep her mind clear, and free from thoughts of Harry, as she made her way home. The walk only took her about five minutes. She hurried inside and set about getting ready to go to Time Square. She decided she would dress up a bit. Taking a shower, she blow dried and curled her hair. She carefully applied her make-up, making sure not to over do it. She wanted to look good, but didn't want her make-up to looked caked. She had always hated it when girls wore too much. It seemed to make them look desperate and needy. She deliberated for about ten minutes on the right outfit. In the end, she opted for a red sweater dress. It was velvety and sparkled every time she moved in the light. She threw on some black stockings, to keep from getting cold. Knowing it was probably gonna to be a major mistake, she also threw on some killer heels. She knew that she would regret that decision, when she had to walk back home. Wrapping a scarf around her neck, she grabbed her clutch and threw her things in it. Looking herself over in the mirror, she was highly surprised. She looked beautiful, even to her eyes. Without another thought, she turned off the lights and headed out the door. Time Square was just a few blocks from her house. She had never minded walking to places, she actually enjoyed it for the most part. Every since she sold her car in order to help her brother out in a crisis, that was the only way she had to get around. The streets were crowded with people cheering loudly. There seemed to be highly intoxicated people everywhere she turned. She smiled slightly at the ground. She had always enjoyed watching other people when they were happy and having a great time. Time Square was in full swing, when she finally made it. She had always loved arriving early, in order to watch the performances. Halsey was currently on stage. She was a big fan of hers. Felicity had loved her voice and truly admired her songs. Surprisingly, she was able to make her way to the front of the stage. She merged into the crowd and started to sing along. Dancing, she let lose and just enjoyed the moment. To her disappointment, however, she had gotten there right at the end of the performance. A man came center stage and started to introduce the next performer. “How are we doing tonight New York City? Is everyone enjoying the show?” He paused briefly, as he wanted for the crowd to calm down. “Our next performer has always been a favorite of mine. He has come a very long way since he first got started out. He has just finished up on his first world tour as a solo artist, and I think I speak for everyone when I say his album was AMAZING! Please join me in welcoming the amazing and extremely talented Harry Styles!!” Felicity gasped, as Harry made his way to the stage. He looked extremely handsome in a simple black suit. She couldn’t believe her eyes. “Of course!” She said out loud. Her voice was drowned out by the screams of the crowd as Harry started his song.

“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes

Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect

And all the boys, they were saying they were into it

Such a pretty face on a pretty neck

She's driving me crazy

But I'm into it, But I'm into it

I'm kinda into it

It's getting crazy

I think I'm losin' it, I think I'm losin' it

Oh I think she said, “I'm havin' your baby”

It's none of your business

I'm havin' your baby, It's none of your business

(No, it's none of your, it's none of your)

Just havin' your baby, It's none of your business

I'm havin' your baby, It's none of your, It's none of your

It's New York, baby, always jacked up

Holland Tunnel for the nose, it's always backed up

When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus

In a black dress, she's such an actress

Driving me crazy

But I'm into it, But I'm into it

I'm kinda into it

It's getting crazy

I think I'm losin' it, I think I'm losin' it

Oh, I think she said, “I'm havin' your baby”

It's none of your business

I'm havin' your baby, It's none of your business

(No, it's none of your, it's none of your)

I'm havin' your baby, It's none of your business

I'm havin' your baby , It's none of your, It's none of your

She sits beside me like a silhouette

Hard candy drippin' on me till my feet are wet

And now she's all over me, it's like I paid for it

It's like I paid for it

I'm gonna pay for this

It's none of your, It's none of your

I'm havin' your baby (It's none of your)

Havin' your baby, It's none of your business

It's none of your

Hey!”

She had known every word to the song. Of course she had always been a fan of Harry’s, ever since his One Direction days. How has she not realized who he was earlier than now? When he came into the bar, he always dressed casually. He wore hats that would partly hide his face and oddly seemed different. He was still the same man, however. She had never felt more like an idiot, in that moment. She was embarrassed, for her utter stupidity. She had just about decided the leave the stage entirely, when he caught her eye. He seemed both surprised to see her and happy at the same time. He gave her a wink, and she smiled and waved in return. His performance soon came to an end, and he exited the stage without another glance in her direction. Deciding she needed a drink after her newest revelation, she started to head out of the crowd. She was pleasantly surprised, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Expecting Harry, she turned around immediately. She was slightly disappointed when it wasn’t Harry who stood in front of her but another man. “Are you Felicity?” He asked right away. “I am.” She said in confusion. “Hi! My name is Jeff, I’m Harry’s manager.” He said lowering his voice he took a step towards her so as not to be overheard. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said shaking his out stretched hand. “He wanted me to see if you would care to join him? He would have come himself but there are quite a few fans here.” He explained. She nodded her head in understanding. “I see.” “Would you like to join us?” He asked again. Not entirely sure what to say, she just shook her head. She seemed to be at a loss for words, in a daze. “Splendid!” He cheered. “Follow me.” He took her around the massive crowd and headed towards the back of the stage. Showing the guards his badge, he was granted passage immediately. “She’s with me,” he said casually. The two security guards simply nodded their heads. They looked utterly bored and uninterested in her entirely. She continued to follow Jeff behind the stage. They passed by numerous dressing rooms and she had to force herself not to fan girl when she saw Halsey from afar. Finally, they reached their destination. Knocking slightly, Jeff poked his head in the door. “Hey mate, I have her here. Need anything else?” “I’m good, thanks Jeff!” She could hear Harry call back. “Anytime.” Jeff gave Felicity a wink, as he held the door open for her to enter. “Thank you,” she told him softly. Without another word, he shut the door and left the pair alone. Harry was sitting on a rather plush blue sofa and had on a bright smile. “Well if it isn’t Harry Styles! What an absolute honor,” she teased placing her hand over her chest. He laughed. “I didn’t know if you were a fan or not,” he said. “I also wasn’t expecting to see you here.” He admitted “Well in all honesty I didn’t put two and two together until a few minutes ago. I feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner.” He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. “But yes.. I’ve always been a fan, which is why I feel utterly stupid for not recognizing you.” He smiled at her shyly. “I’m kind of glad you didn’t.” He said honestly. He patted the spot beside him, motioning for her to join him. Slowly, she made her way to the couch and sat down beside him. “Why do you say that?” She asked curious. “Well every since I’ve been in the spotlight, it’s been hard to tell what someone’s true intentions are when they’re with me. You make me feel like a normal person, and that’s been oddly nice.” “Wait! So you’re telling me you’re not a normal person? What are you? An alien?” She teased. He laughed once more. “You know what I mean!” “I know,” she sighed. “I would’ve have treated you any differently, even if I had known who you were when we first met.” He stared into her sparkling green eyes, as he took in her words. He had already known that she wasn’t the type to be with someone just because of their fame and fortune. He had known that from the way she had taken care of him on that very first night. “I wish more people were like you,” he whispered not exactly meaning for her to hear his words. She looked away, to hide her blush. “You’re quite cute when you blush.” He teased. “Oh whatever!” She said playfully pushing his shoulder. “You are!” “How much have you had to drink tonight?” “Ummm... a bit.. but that’s not the point! I might not be 100% sober, but I still know beauty when I see it. And you, my lady, are utterly beautiful!” Rolling her eyes, she simply shook her head. “If you don’t believe me, go ask Jeff! I saw the way he was eyeing you!” “Jealous are we?” She teased. “No,” he said stubbornly. He stuck out his bottom lip, causing her to laugh. Hearing her musical laugh, he had a hard time keeping up his charade. This seemed to entertain her even more, as she watching him struggle not to smile. “You’re something else,” he told her shaking his head. “So I’ve been told.” They heard the crowd shouting loudly outside. Glancing at the clock, Harry jumped from his seat. “Come on!” He shouted, grabbing her by the hand. “We’re going to miss it!” Trying to keep up with his long legs, she followed after him as he led them outside. They seemed to make it just in time. The crowd started the countdown, screaming loudly. “10...9...8...7...6...” Suddenly, Felicity’s heart started to pound in her chest. Harry caught her by the wrist and turned her towards him. He was staring deeply into her eyes, as the countdown continued. “5...4...3...2...1...HAPPY NEW YEARS!!” The crowd cheered. The crowd seemed to fade out entirely, as Harry unexpectedly leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss had been everything she had imagined it would be. His warm lips were soft yet firm against hers. She seemed to melt into him, as he deepened the kiss. It was a very magical moment, as fireworks erupted throughout the sky. She had never once been kissed like this, in all of her life. They were both breathless, when he reluctantly pulled away. Resting his forehead to hers, he smiled at her shyly. “Happy New Years.” His velvet voice whispered.

#Harry Styles #just a flicker of hope #fanfic #harry styles fanfction #harry styles fandom #fanfic writing #fantasy #i love you harry #harry styles imagine #I LOVE HARRY STYLES #love quotes #happy new year #new years

21 notes · View notes

fleetwooded · 5 years

Note

talk about music!!!!!! gimme the whole top ten, then i also want 22, 44, and 88!!

THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME STEPH!!! this ended up predictably long-winded, so here is the list, and you can click through to read how i feel about all these songs if you want to. if you’re on mobile, and have to scroll through, i’m so sorry.

1. why, fleetwood mac2. from the dining table, harry styles3. home, one direction4. animal, troye sivan5. i’m yours, pixie geldof6. ambitions, donkeyboy7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke8. bad (live), U29. american tune, paul simon10. 1950, king princess

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac44. trouble, lindsey buckingham88. border, years & years

ask me about my favourite music of the year!

1. why, fleetwood mac - this is ZERO PERCENT a surprise, i think i’ve fallen asleep to this song every night for the past three years. it is one of my favourite fleetwood songs even though it’s a real niche one - the final track off mystery to me, which is uhhh not one of their more popular albums. but a) i am very fond of the awkward post-peter green pre-lindsey/stevie albums, b) christine mcvie gets paid DUST by everyone, but she is an incredible songwriter with an incredible voice, and really held the band afloat during that era, and c) this song is so gentle and beautiful and i could never ever get tired of listening to it. i’m obsessed with the extended guitar opening, which keeps you waiting for the piano to kick in for ages and makes you instinctively listen more closely to the guitar throughout the whole song. also the lyric well, my heart will rise up with the morning sun / and the hurt I feel will simply melt away is such a beautiful and clearly expressed sentiment. and when those strings come out from the back of the arrangement just before the last stanza!! ugh i love this song.

2. from the dining table, harry styles - honestly this is only so high up because it is one of the other two songs on my sleep playlist and therefore gets played every day lmao. i will say that this is pretty much the only song of his where the studio version is better than the live version, and therefore the only one i regularly listen to after going to his concert bc i don’t resentfully compare it to the live experience. that harmony on the third maybe someday you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too and the strings in that whole section make the entire song worth it.

3. home, one direction - lol i always say that my favourite 1d song is walking in the wind, but it’s really this one. i was in a very small, l*arry-free corner of the fandom when this came out, so it never had those associations for me, and i just think it’s a very warm and beautiful song and i DO NOT understand why it was not on the album. i also used to listen to it every morning back when i had to walk to work at 4:30am (in the winter! when it was pitch black and i lived in a not-so-great area!), and it was very very comforting to me, so listening to it always sparks that feeling of comfort, like being wrapped up tight in a warm blanket.

4. animal, troye sivan - the last song on my sleep playlist, and one of the best songs off his new album imo. my favourite kind of song is the kind where you can put on big headphones, get on a bus or train, close your eyes, press play, and just have an experience. it’s unquantifiable! everyone’s mileage will vary! you either feel it, or you don’t! but i really really feel it with this one, especially on the second verse. it’s such a stripped back song, but has this rich sonic landscape that just pulls you in if you let it.

5. i’m yours, pixie geldof - ugh, this album was such a huge and exciting discovery for me this year. i had no idea she made music until i heard woman go wild on one of nick grimshaw’s insta stories and looked it up, and then i listened to her album over and over and over again for months and developed a massive, useless celebrity crush on her. it’s a little bit derivative, definitely nothing groundbreaking, but so perfectly matched to my sensibilities and so endlessly listenable. i also find it very satisfying to hear something and instantly know it’s going to be your new favourite thing, and then get to prove yourself right. i usually listen to the album all the way through, so i don’t think about the specific songs too much, but if i had to pick a favourite, it would be this one!

6. ambitions, donkeyboy - i’m pretty sure i found this song because it was referenced in a fic lmao? if that is the case, a million thank yous to whoever wrote that, because i never would have come across it otherwise. it’s a collaboration between a 2000s norwegian synthpop band and a girl whose only other resume builder was finishing in seventh place on norwegian idol. but it is a BOP, and a bop with a strong emotional drive, which is the best kind. the lyric I can't tolerate / the feelings that I feel when I feel is another one i spend the whole song waiting for.

7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke - another song i have been listening to for years and years and never tire of. when my best friend moved out of her parents’ house, she said that the only reason she wanted her own place was so she could sit in her living room and play this song on a turntable. she did play it, often, because she only owned a few records for the longest time, so listening to it always brings me back to curling up on her couch and talking and talking while she made me dinner in her tiny and dark but beautiful home.

8. bad (live), U2 - god i love this song. i think i have talked about it on here before, so i won’t go on and on, but i LOVE this song. tbh i have never actually listened to the album version of this song, and maybe it is just as good, but i really love live albums - when they can capture the spirit and energy and RISK of a live concert, they feel so electric. anything could go wrong at any moment when music is being played live, or it could go SO right, and the artist and crowd could feed off each other’s energy until the whole venue feels alive, and the music could take on a whole new artistic life. idk what exactly it is, but i feel all that potential in this song. it’s eight glorious minutes of that electricity, and every time you think it’s peaked, it just keeps going and reaches new heights. my favourite is the bit where bono just belts out the words desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, isolation, desolation, isolation, let it go like a cry out into the universe. i think about it so often. sometimes i also want to just stand in front of a crowd and yell ISOLATION, DESOLATION. i feel that live music can often feel like a purging, or a cleansing, or a transformation - like singing about these feelings of profound misery or pain or anger with a crowd of people who also feel those feelings can reshape them into something joyful and exultant instead.

9. american tune, paul simon - damn, this really was a melancholic year!! this is another of my go-to comfort songs when i am feeling those lost feelings. i listened to it a lot in the winter, and again this fall, and related a little too much to the bits about being so far away from home. it’s got this sense of deep weariness in its lyrics and structure that i like listening to when i am very tired and want to commiserate. the drums leading up to the and I dreamed I was dying are my favourite musical moment, but my favourite lyric is the ending, with: tomorrow's going to be another working day / and I'm trying to get some rest / that's all I'm trying to get some rest.

10. 1950, king princess - honestly, introducing me and the world to king princess is the best thing harry did all year. first of all, it’s truly remarkable how much cultural power he has - not that this song wouldn’t have been successful without him, but literally every write-up and interview mentions him tweeting the lyrics as a mark of approval that propelled her into the public eye. it’s also just an incredibly well crafted song, and i’m endlessly impressed by her talent. to write and perform a song like this at her age is no small feat, and i’m very glad she’s ended up getting the attention she has. i got to see her live this summer with my sister and a few of our friends, and she was every bit as commanding and magnetic as i would have imagined.

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac - another all time favourite!! at my work this summer, my boss was a very cool woman who played in a very cool all-female punk band. we got along tremendously, except for that she had NO patience for me constantly playing what she referred to as “mom rock.” this one is the only fleetwood mac song she liked, so i would just play it over and over and we would delight in that shimmery little intro. when i was closing, i would put it on just as the sun went down enough to shine right through the big windows at the front of the store, and it feels good to know that i am going to listen to it years from now and remember that summer and that sun.

44. trouble, lindsey buckingham - my fave song of his, except maybe never going back again. i really like this whole album, but this song is another one i just want to burrow inside because it feels so rich and dense. i feel like i have nothing to say about him that hasn’t already been said - he’s a massively underrated guitarist, and a great songwriter, and i just love listening to him play.

88. border, years & years - a fantastic song off a fantastic album. i’m ngl i was a little disappointed by their sophomore album, so i just kept listening to this one. also brings me back to great memories of seeing them live and the catharsis of yelling my heart, it will start to shine / and I will be alright with a whole crowd of people. live music is magic!!

if anyone made it here, thank you for reading. i love year-in-reviews. it feels good to take stock of a year and try to put all the little moments and periods of time in order and make some sense out of them. i also love music, and it feels good to sit down and listen to my most listened to songs with new ears and try to remember or figure out why i listened to them so often. it’s been a long, hard, tumultuous year, but my relationship with music has really flourished, and stuff like this feels like nurturing that love.

#if anyone went and read all that: you are such a trouper thank you so much #1000-directions

12 notes · View notes

thebandcampdiaries · 5 years

Photo

Trouble’s Afoot - Looking For Parking

A combination of various alternative and indie influences, converging in a very special way.

Trouble’s Afoot is a music project that was conceived by Jordan Cooper, a musician based in Queens, NY. Jordan has a special fondness for indie rock, folk, and other styles, making for an incredibly diverse attitude. Now, the project is actually a 3-piece band, which means there is more room for different sounds and textures! The line-up consists of Jordan Cooper (lead vocals, guitars, and multiple other instruments), as well as Dave Fox (Bass, backing vocals, some guitar) and Christopher Roberts (Drums). The group has a really unique sense of chemistry, and together, these 3 guys are able to combine many different styles. From alt-rock to indie, to pop-rock, anything goes!

“Looking For Parking” features 12 tracks, each blurring the lines between various genres and definitions. In fact, one of the most notable aspects of this particular release is definitely the sheer sonic variety that you will encounter on this here record. The opening song, “A Boy My Age” is a short track (clocking in at under two minutes). After a quirky acoustic intro, the band chimes in at full blast!

“You Say But You Don’t Know” follows with a really infectious guitar riff. This song makes me think of some of the best early British Invasion bands, including The Kinks and The Who (well, before they turned into 70s stadium rock gods!)

The third song on the album is named “Sarah Made A Serenade”, and it has a really cool alt-rock / post-punk vibe, with catchy guitar melodies and great vocal lines. This one precedes “Every Right Hand,” another song under 2 minutes, which packs a lot of energy, in spite of the small footprint! The song leads to “Don’t Be An Idiot.” The attitude of this song is just as upfront as its title, with memorable melodies and great hooks that won’t get out of your mind so easily. This has a cool punk-garage attitude that makes me think of early Cloud Nothings or Wavves!

“And I’m Gone” has a really cool 60s vibe - this song really makes me think of some early Rolling Stones or The Byrds, with a really organic sound and cool vocal arrangements that match the music to perfection.

Coming next is “All I Ever Wanted,” a song with a personal set of lyrics. This is a song about looking for a change - about wanting to overcome one’s backgrounds and “get out,” hopefully somewhere better. “Cellar” is a song that sort of makes me think of Nirvana, not much so for the sound, but for the intriguing lyrics - I like the child-like energy of the wordplay, and somehow the receptiveness of the later motif really works on favor of this track!

“I Care About You” is the classic boy-meets-girl song. This is a very earnest love song, which reminds me of the way I felt when I was a teenager, struggling to really share my feelings and go talk to the girl I had a crush on! Ultimately, this is a very sweet song, with a really cool arrangement and a nice vocal performance to liven it up.

“The Usual Way” is a really edgy track, which immediately strikes for the catchy melodies and a great intro that makes the main chunk of the song even more enticing!

“Everyone Believes Me” is one of the most poignant tracks on the record, and perhaps one of my favorite ones. I love the combination of quality music and good lyrics, and I can definitely relate to the sense of inevitability of life’s end in loneliness, really exposed in the last two lines of this track: “Like all of you, I’m Lined up to die / No one’s ever on my side.”

Last, but decidedly not least, “Dust Town” is a perfect curtain closer for this release. It brings the record full circle, and it really goes a long way, with a poignant and direct arrangement. This song could almost be a lyrical “Cousin” to “All I Ever Wanted” because the themes definitely intersect!

All in all, I’ve really enjoyed the sound and feel of this release! This album has a fresh, young sound, yet it has a tone that reminds me of some of my best records from the 60s, and from the early punk bands of the late 70s as well! In addition to that, this album also makes me think about some of my favorite modern indie groups, such as Cloud Nothings, Courtney Barnett and legends like The Strokes and Arctic Monkeys.

Find out more about Trouble’s Afoot and do not miss out on this project. You can listen to “Looking For Parking” directly through Bandcamp at the following link:

https://troublesafoot.bandcamp.com

We also had the chance to ask the band a few questions: keep reading to learn more!

I love how you manage to render your tracks so personal and organic. Does the melody come first, or do you focus on the lyrics the most?

I’m a songwriter and my songs were written on keyboard and guitar. Sometimes I write lyrics and the melody kind of forms in my head as I sing them to myself, sometimes I find an interesting chord progression and then work a melody onto that, that’s how You Say But You Don’t Know was written.

My drummer took care of the beat. I could not even tell you what he’s doing!

Do you perform live? If so, do you feel more comfortable on a stage or within the walls of the recording studio?

Answer: I stopped performing live regularly around 5 years ago; I find it a stressful endeavor, though I still like to do it once in a while. Being on stage is incredibly uncomfortable, and being in the walls of a recording studio is also uncomfortable. Being on stage is exciting though, sometimes euphorically so, and being in a recording studio is artistically fulfilling (you feel like you’re working on something special, at least when things are going well.) That being said, the hourly cost of a recording studio assures that you can’t feel too comfortable in one.

I’m probably most comfortable in my bedroom studio, but that environment leads to a lot of laziness and procrastination, whereas recordings from a recording studio have a certain urgency and focus to them.

If you could only pick one song to make a “first impression” on a new listener, which song would you pick and why?

Answer: I Care About You. I struggle to find a flaw in it. It rocks my brains. I love my vocal performance (a rare thing for me to admit to), I love how revved up and energetic the band is, I think the mix holds together the most, and I’m really proud of the lyrics. I also love that I put in a recording of my bass player yelling “YYYEAAAHHH!” at the very end. Easy to miss, though.

What does it take to be “innovative” in music?

Answer: I think more about this in a lyrical sense than on the music side of things. It still amazes me to hear songs on the radio with lyrics YOU’VE HEARD 1,000 TIMES BEFORE. I will not let a song out into the world until I’m reasonably sure no one has heard these words sung before. And to do that, I think of specific things from my life that no one else could possibly know about (see: A Boy My Age) or have said already, and hint at them in the lyrics. I do wonder, however, if the general public is concerned with this stuff, considering who the popular artists are these days.

Any upcoming release or tour your way?

Answer: I’d love to go on tour but I don’t know how to do it! And I can’t afford it! It’s 2018, how can anybody? But I do have exciting new releases coming out very soon. My musical project with my girlfriend, Kristen Gudsnuk, which is called “Sally,” has a three-song EP finished up, which will be released shortly on our Bandcamp page and streaming everywhere. It was made in fancy, fancy studios and sounds like a million bucks!

The next Trouble’s Afoot release is already being worked on, it’s a sort of sequel to Looking For Parking, culled from the same drums and bass sessions of that album (12 more songs.) A little darker, a little more focused too. After that, the 3rd Trouble’s Afoot album, made mostly in my bedroom, is called Party Guy, and is a concept album about having a bad time at parties. It’s the most ambitious, exciting music I’ve ever done. It’s actually almost complete, but my gut tells me it’s a perfect “3rd album” instead of a 2nd one.

Anywhere online where curious fans can listen to your music and find out more about you?

Answer: Oh, you bet. My two Trouble’s Afoot home-bases are Bandcamp and Soundcloud. My Bandcamp has all of my official complete albums (including a children’s album I made a long time ago!), but my Soundcloud is full of live songs, demos, instrumentals, etc. It’s exciting!

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/troubles-afoot

Bandcamp: https://troublesafoot.bandcamp.com/music

My main website is www.jordancoopermusic.com, if you are in need of songwriting or composer services. I’ve done music for The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, and countless Youtube shows, podcasts, etc.!

3 notes · View notes