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#I’m ugly im lazy I’m useless
glindyupland · 2 years
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gayvampyr · 2 years
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like honestly i’m sick of skinny people thinking that it’s okay for them to be incredibly, horrifically fatphobic as long as they have an eating disorder, esp considering most people who make fat peoples lives a living hell ARE THESE EXACT PEOPLE. you are not exempt from criticism for your bigotry because you have an illness that’s literally romanticized by most people. it doesn’t matter if you think you’re fat because you’re still making actual fat people feel like shit. we have such a high rate of suicide because of y’all so i really don’t give a shit about what you think you look like. y’all will say such hurtful things like “i can’t wait to go back to starving myself so i don’t look like a fat pig in public and so people will think i’m pretty again” and think that it only affects you because none of you give a single nanometer of consideration to actual fat people, especially fat people with eating disorders. you are the kind of people who would bully us in school, who would ridicule and humiliate us by saying that if you looked like *that* you’d kill yourself, and then in the same breath say that your thighs are too big despite them being half the size of ours. you are the reason fat kids and teens get depression and grow up thinking that they are horrible and ugly, and that they must’ve done something wrong to be so fat.
we go back through our history, trying to find the reason we’re fat and what we can change so we aren’t, but we can’t find anything because we were born this way, our bodies are naturally built this way. and because we can’t find the source of the problem, we start blaming everything— our diet, how much sleep we’re getting, how much exercise we’re doing, and suddenly our whole lives become centered around getting thinner. so we starve ourselves and push past our bodies’ limits, and when this work ultimately amounts to nothing because our bodies return to their natural state, then we think, “maybe i’d be better off dead because nothing else works and im still worthless” because you skinny people drilled that idea into our heads. and you believe it. you wholeheartedly believe that we are people who failed at being skinny, and that because we aren’t working hard enough to lose weight, we’re lazy and useless and don’t deserve to live a fulfilling life. and you internalize this idea which skews how you view yourself and the people around you, and you develop an eating disorder, which you think justifies your hatred of fat people. (spoiler: it doesn’t).
i am fat. have been my whole life. and my doctors congratulated me when i was starving myself and even then i was still overweight and no one noticed or cared when i was anorexic. because fat people are not seen as equals, no one thinks of us when they hear “eating disorder,” everyone assumes we’re just gluttonous over-indulgent lazy hedonists who lay around and “pig out” on cakes all day like we’re 18th century nobles or some shit and im sick of you all exempting yourselves from discussions about the issue as if you’re not the primary perpetrators of fatphobia
tl;dr: if you’re skinny and have an ED you’re just as capable of fatphobia as everyone else and im sick of you pretending you’re not
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mushyshroomventing · 11 months
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-just a vent-
i’m such a pathetic, useless person. i hate myself so deeply i dont even know what i do anything for. i don’t know why i live, i don’t know why i enter people’s lives knowing i’m going to make it worse.
i feel like a tornado, wherever i go i make a mess and i don’t know what to do except die
i’m weird, im mean, im fat and i’m ugly, im too emotional, im lazy and unmotivated, i disappoint everyone i love, im dirty, im insecure, im too confident, i talk too much, i don’t say the right things.
i don’t know what i’m supposed to do about myself, im miserable and i make everything and everyone else so much more miserable. do i just die? is everyone who knows me better off without me? why was i even born? everything is life is a chore to navigate, i don’t think theres a point to suffering through any of it, or making people suffer through me. i wish some god would tell me what i need, tell me that i can leave earth now. but if there is a god, that mean he made me to suffer, which is beyond cruel.
how could they do that? make someone who was better off never even existing.
also i’m terrible at Apex Legends which is beyond embarrassing to me idk
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cristianfaun · 1 year
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wattpad extracts
i dont have AO3 because im way lower than dirt.
but i vent on wattpad too, so ill take some of my favorites bits.
“forever fat”
Always fat, forever fat; not that you can't lose the weight, but the way you felt, the way others made you feel will always stay there.
I have always been fat, since my birth, i will probably die fat, but you see, I'm tired of it.
And i know this feel is known by others by so many others, because since I'm fat i was the dummy on gym class, because I'm fat i was the dare of "go say they're pretty", because I'm fat I'm the ugly, the unlovable, the useless, the weak and lazy.
And I'm so tired of it, because you see, bulimia is not the answer but i just feel like i don't even deserve to eat at all, and i still do, like what kind of assholes just goes and pukes what they ate? Just don't eat and give your food for someone else.
I deserve this self hate, i deserve these feelings, and idk why i do. But it just is this way and I'm tired of it.
No, i can't love my fat, and dear god knows i will hate my body if get skinny, because it will no longer be my body, but is what I must do.
I must lose weight, for my health. Because I'm fat I'm pre-diabetic, because I'm fat I'm depressed, because I'm fat I'm anxious, because I'm fat I'm ugly and self-conscious.
Because I'm fat i must go to the gym where i keep lying about my tiredness just to prove I'm capable of being strong.
Because I'm fat i must dress one way or another just to show or not show my fat in a aesthetically pleasing way.
Because I'm fat must stay cool with this feelings and this pressure.
And maybe if it wasn't by my fat aunt, by my fat parents, by my fat family it wouldn't hurt so much, you would think that since we're all fat we would love each other and know we're worthy no matter our weight, but no.
I wish I were enough.
And I'm tired of it.
“I cannot hate you but i wish I didn't resent you”
I still remember when my mother proudly said she was not a lovely mother to me on therapy, she said she never showed love trough words or gifts but works of service, and truly i can't remember a single time you did something truly out of love for me.
Did you love me when you brushed my hair so hard i were crying and you threw the hairbrush to the floor so hard i thought you were gonna hit me?
Did you love me when you yelled at me while hitting me so hard my legs were sore and red for the rest of the day?
Did you love when you complained about every single thing you did for me?
Did you love me when i tried to help and you yelled at me for being useless?
I remember you crying making my dad ask me if I hated you, and i can't hate you, i could never do such thing, but I'm done with loving you, at least i were, i felt a lot of guilt and gratitude for all you did, but i didn't love you, i couldn't love someone like you.
Someone so much like me.
“anger”
I'm not an angry person. I don't think i am. Neither do I really explode but implode.
Don't take me wrong i would not do anything, I'm too much of a coward to do it.
But sometimes i can't help it.
I guess it just reminds me of home, and i want you to break my nose, so i can bite your finger off.
I don't get angry about dumb things, like people being late, or something being slow.
But I'm also done with being done dirty, to my past self, to my present and especially to who i love.
You don't get to say how I felt or how i feel about my past, that's my thing to decide, and you won't call me childish, neither will you make fun of who i was, because i did that and everyone did that too, and I'm done.
I'm done with hating myself just to not hate them.
I'm just waiting for the first punch...
I grew up feeling like a rabid dog
Turns out I'm really one just waiting for the moment i can bite.
“forgive me”
Not here on this church Not here with them I must run I must run away And pray to the god I stopped beliving in To never come back And leave my parents alone For i waited long enough To have this calm
But here in this church While I try not to flinch when my mother puts her hand on my leg Knowing well If I leave I ain't coming back I won't have were to come back I fear you father I fear you mother I fear your god That both of you taught me Is cruel Egocentric And like you Like both of you
And here while the priest says
"God will never leave you"
I cry like Mary once did "He nevera was here" "He didn't kill me when I prayed for it" "He was the excuse to hit me"
"If god is love, I don't want this love"
Fuck off
I'm leaving now
“untitled”
Im not home. There's no place I could call home. In this house with people that hate such an important of me. I wonder if I can leave and never come back I want to cry my eyes out I want to yell at my parents By my life I want to make them cry Like they made me cry All those years telling me I'm a monster Well it's finally true And oh, I hunger for pain And revenge Oh I hunger for blood Oh I hunger I hunger for so much hate And if I get the option to get just drunk enough I will do it just now, leave and go back to my house, with my dog, with my cat And leave
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fuck-customers · 3 years
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A customer came in today to find out if he had insurance on his phone, which he did. So I did my usual routine on explaining how to make the claim and go about fixing the phone or replacing it. He tried to do it in the store, which normally isn’t a problem as long as he’s not holding up the line or anything and then he started smashing his fingers on the screen because it was too cracked to register what he pressed.
He asked me if there was any other way to make the claim and I told him the only way was online because the insurance was a third party company. He started making excuses on why he couldn’t like “i dont have a computer or anything else” or “my phone isnt working look” and then continued to forcefully press on the screen. So he asked to use one of our computers, which I politely said no and explained “We aren’t allowed to let customers use our computers, for security reasons.”
He got pissed and starting calling it bullshit and said “any other manager would let me use a tablet to do it, youre just lazy” and I repeated myself and even said that if someone were to do that then theyd be breaking company policy because thats literally a breach of security since all our tablets and computers are programmed with the system we use to access all customer accounts.
I’m really a “fuck corporate” kind of person and ill break a rule here and there but this guy was being a dick and we have cameras all over the store so I stood my ground and kept denying him.
He got so mad that he asked to speak to the manager and my manager wasnt in so then he asked for his phone number and I told him Im also not allowed to give out personal information like that. Then he asked for my name and since I didn’t do anything wrong I refused and he got pissed and spout all this bullshit about how Im legally obligated to give him my name because hes a paying a customer. Like for one, he didnt buy anything, hes not a paying customer at the store. And two, im definitely not legally obligated to give out my personal information to angry customers because they didnt get what they wanted.
Anyways, he started yelling at me about how im lazy, unprofessional and useless. At this point I was getting irritated so I responded with “Im sorry thats your opinion” I guess that was kinda sassy but i mean?? He was being a piece of shit. Its literally also not in my job description or title to make insurance claims, repair phones, set up phones, or apply screen protectors. So i definitely wasnt refusing him service. I did what he asked, which was to access his account and see if he had insurance on his phone.
He yelled all the way to the door and before fully walking out he turned around and said “and you’re ugly too” I dont care about a random dudes opinion about my looks but I was literally wearing a mask, theres literally no way he could know what i looked like?? I saw his ID too so I KNOW hes got no right talking shit like that.
After clocking out, my coworker called me to say that the customer called the store to tell him that he placed a complaint with corporate and that theyd set a meeting to go more into depth about the incident, which isnt really an incident because the only thing that happened was he threw a tantrum. Whats funny is i dont work for the corporate that he called. I work for a third party company that The Phone Company hired to open Authorized Retail stores. So theres really nothing TT&A can do
I don’t know what exactly corporate needs to write me up or fire me but im 100% sure what he told them was a lie because I acted completely professional and calm. I dont even know if theyd have my back, can I sue them for wrongful termination if they do end up firing me over this guys lies?
Its such bullshit to me that he went as far as to try to get me fired, literally in a pandemic all because of an insurance claim.
Which also!! If his phone worked well enough to call and complain, couldnt he have just, idk, made the fucking claim?!?!
I swear some people have nothing better to do than to yell at 20 something year old min. wage workers.
Get a life, man
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burnedbyshoto · 4 years
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mine
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— Dabi didn’t want you in the slightest, but he’d be damned if anyone touched you without knowing that you belonged to him
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pairing: yandere!dabi x fem!reader
warnings: 18+, nsfw, gorey (blood and puss), branding, yandere!dabi, semi-public sex, consented sex that turns into nonconish, spitting, heavy degradation, hardcore, sadist!dabi, mindbreak
word count: 5,588
a/n: im so terribly sorry for being so late with kinktober. my keyboard is super fucked up and I had a crazy busy weekend. please do not read this if you are easily offended it got a bit crazy lol ;-; well at least for what i typically write sorry
kinktober day 17 main kink: branding | kinktober masterlist
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Dabi didn’t care about you.
As you lay on the broken, dirty mattress (was this even a mattress?) that belonged to who knows who and was in this alleyway for who knows how long, there was no telling if you wouldn’t contract some form of an STD just by laying here in your filth. You wanted to sit up. You needed to get out of this sketchy alleyway just to continue the day. But your body hurts, everything hurts.
But the tears in your eyes had long dried out. The blood, cum, spit, puss, and drool on the bed making for an unpleasant, pitiful sight beneath and on you.
But I guess there was no reason for anyone to try and take you, even like that.
There was already a warning, a brand for anyone to fucking try and take you from the person who owned you. 
His name pulsed on every throbbing, bubbling white-hot pain on your body. His hands and name forever scarred and branded on your skin.
Dabi Dabi Dabi Dabi
It hurt.
It hurt so much.
But you couldn’t even cry as a black cat with piercing blue eyes landed on the mattress centimeters from your face. It was too much.
And in the middle of the alleyway, your eyes shut, and a painful unconscious slammed through you. Consciousness no longer your friend as you ended there, ass up, gaping, cum splattering hole available for everyone to see.
It didn’t matter, you clearly belonged to Dabi, and anyone who tried to take you would be consumed with a horrid fate.
.
..
.
Dabi’s mouth was pulled back into an angry, unamused snarl.
Typically speaking, the black-haired Frankenstein of a man could look more apathetic than the gods of apathy themselves, but if you bugged him just enough, things could sink under his skin faster than you could run. But today, he seemed to have every annoying thing happen to him event after event so that he was practically simmering with putrid anger.
It had started when you had left his room in the morning louder than he liked. You both had begun a sexual relationship of sorts. As much as the League was intent and focused on driving out the hero society, libidos and sexual needs could hardly be ignored. Especially as Dabi’s own libido grew with the more success he had, the closer he was to achieve his own goal. It made sense that he and you began this relationship. He wasn’t going to touch any of the guys in the group, not to mention the fact they were about as ugly as he was, so that meant he’d have to potentially stare down at a nasty face moaning and screaming. That wasn’t going to happen. Toga was a psycho bitch that Dabi could never understand, and with her stupid stabbing addiction, he wasn’t about to trust her near his genitals. 
You had been a late joiner in the group, some dumb, weak, quirkless little bitch. 
Dabi had no idea why Shigaraki had ever allowed you to join in the first place.
You added absolutely nothing to the group.
Being quirkless meant that you were a liability in any type of fight they got into because you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself. You threw a mean punch, and you had been training with Toga in the weird-ass fighting style of hers, but it was stupid, utterly pointless because as long as Dabi and others possessed the ability to kill you without needing you near, you were a walking target. 
You were also a terrible medic. Whenever the group would return with serious and not so serious injuries, you would scream, panic, and apply bandages terribly. It was so bad that Dabi would rather die of infection than have your blubbering form try to get anywhere near his cuts and burns. 
You were a horrible liar too. Couldn’t send you into any of the Pro Hero bases or UA in an attempt to gather more information to help the group's efforts. Toga had merely transformed into a random citizen without you knowing, and your ability to be suave was a joke.
But one day, Dabi figured out why exactly Shigaraki decided to let you in, why you were someone worth letting live. He had gone to the bar for a simple drink. His head throbbing due to the fight he had gotten into while recruiting for the League. But what he came to see in that bar was that you were in the bar with Shigaraki and Kurogiri.
He looked at you as you were on your knees on the barstool. Your breasts swelling over that stupid tanktop of yours, your dumb ass shaking like a damn dog as you talked excitedly to Shigaraki. That, for whatever reason, bugged Dabi.  The tinge of color on his stupid leader’s ears and cheeks also went noticed by Dabi, and suddenly as you grabbed onto Shigaraki’s shoulders, it all made perfect sense.
You were here to be made as a whore.
Dabi ended up leaving the bar without getting his drink after all that day.
But he had caught you skipping to your assigned room, and he blocked your way, his hand shoved into his pockets as you looked down at your wide eyes.
“So that’s the role you’ll play in the world of no heroes,” Dabi spoke, his lips pulling into a lazy smirk, warmth flooding his cold skin when your own face seemed twisted with confusion and worry.
“I’m not playing any role?” you speak slowly, obviously confused, but Dabi doesn’t dwell on the confusion in your eyes or the way you step backward away from him. He follows you, stalking your every move until you’re backed against the door of his room, your doe eyes large and practically screaming for help, which only seemed to excite Dabi. You wouldn’t be finding a hero in this organization. No, you either learned how to swim, drown, or take everyone down with you. 
“Oh, so you’re not playing any games here?” Dabi asks, his hand slamming against the door right by your head, his head tilting as he leans in close to your face. He can basically breathe the anxiety spilling from your veins, festering, and throbbing underneath your skin as you find yourself unable to speak. “You joined our little group knowing that Shigaraki wanted to fuck you? Use you as the willing whore that you are?”
The fear drained from your eyes, and anger blazed instead, and for some reason, that only made Dabi more excited. He pressed up closer to you, the hardness of his cock, unable to be ignored as he pressed his swelling length to your hip.
“I’m not here to be Shigaraki’s whore,” you growled, your lips pulled back into a fearsome growl, but to Dabi, knowing the stupid, weak quirkless bitch that you were, made you look like some angry dumb puppy. “I’ve been just as wronged by this world as you have. Just because I didn’t burn off all my skin to prove I don’t fit in doesn’t mean I don’t have scars too.”
Dabi laughed, the smell of heat rising from his skin as he couldn’t help but display his power, couldn’t help but to warn you just who was capable of the most immense damage.
“Burn me,” you snapped, your nose nearly brushing against his. “Prove my fucking point.”
Dabi let out a throaty hum, the feeling of your stomach shifting against his tented pants, only serving to arouse him more. 
“Trust me, pup, I don’t have all my skin burned off,” Dabi couldn’t help but ignore your own issues of being upset as his mouth crashed against yours.
That night, Dabi realized that maybe you did serve this group in two ways, albeit one was much, much more important than the other. 
One, the lesser important reason: you brought in a new demographic. A new viewpoint of people who had been hurt by heroes and civilians who looked to All Might like a god. Quirkless people, and people with quirks that practically made them worthless, were seen as inferior because they weren’t unique. They could never be like All Might. And for that, they were seen as less, a group that deserved to die and were discriminated against for reasons far beyond their control.
Two, the more important reason: you were Dabi’s fuckhole.
This sexually frustrated, anger-fueled sex the two of you had was more than ideal, really. Dabi loved to fuck you whenever he needed, whenever he wanted. He took you anywhere and everywhere he wanted. Each time he grew bolder and bolder until he was fucking you during a meeting, fucking you while you were in a car with everyone, making your way to the next destination. 
He could care less about your whining pleas to only fuck in a room where no one could see, couldn’t care if you thought the alleyway was dirty, and the scent of dead burning bodies made your head spin. You were a quirkless fuckhole, and you would do as he told.
But Dabi would never admit you were his.
No, he would not.
Not now, not ever.
But there was something stupidly irritating and annoying hearing barely useful members of the now Paranormal Liberation Front. Everyone was obsessed with you, the useless quirkless girl who was weak and needed protection. Everyone loved the way your tits bounced when you hopped around excitedly, loved the way your ass shook when you were sitting at a bar because, for whatever damn reason, you could never sit on your fucking ass.
So, that’s where we find Dabi. His mouth pulled back into an unamused, angry snarl as you talked with some nameless member that Dabi thought was better off dead than as some deadweight help. 
“You can’t expect y/l/n-chan to be so kind to you when you’re quite the asshole to her, Dabi,” Compress chided Dabi as he took a smooth, slow drink from his sake. “You pester her daily, and from what the rumors tell me, harass her often enough that I’m surprised she hasn’t taken your face off.”
“She’s too fucking weak for that shit,” Dabi snapped, his eyes narrowing when your hand placed itself on the nameless shits arm. “She can’t do shit; that’s why she’s acting like a shallow whore. She’ll let anyone fuck her as long as it means she gets protected.”
Compress raised his eyebrow, his face not letting anything on as he slowly placed his glass down.
“Y/l/n-chan sleeps around?”
Dabi actually felt the heat rising from his skin. He didn’t know if you were, and the thought of knowing that someone other than him was fucking your tight little pussy after he did irritates him much more than he’d like. 
“I don’t fucking know, you’re the one telling me about fucking rumors. You tell me.”
“From what I hear, she doesn’t give in to anyone, despite the obvious flirting,” Compress shrugged when Dabi’s eyes locked on him in bewildered disbelief. “Why do you care, Dabi? You’re typically so aloof and annoyingly stoic. What about y/l/n-chan makes you so temperamental?”
Dabi felt his spine stiffen at those words, the inquisitive yet entirely sharp words that gutted him from the inside out. Dabi didn’t care for you. He knew he didn’t. If you dropped dead in the middle of the floor in three seconds, he knew he wouldn’t panic. He wouldn’t mourn you. He might mourn the warm body he fucked whenever he needed, sure, but not you, never just you. 
He blinked.
He didn’t need to like you for you to be his.
Heroes were what was wrong with society, but relationships were also what was wrong with people. The twisting desire for equality and equity between two different people when it should never be as such, to begin with. Dabi was powerful. You were quirkless and weak. Dabi held power, he was the one who should be deciding what you should be able to do, what you can’t, and something in the depths of his mind finally clicked. 
You were his.
You belonged to Dabi.
You were nothing without Dabi.
The laugh that poured from your lips and the man next to you, that Dabi swore he could hear right now, suddenly made sense as to why it bothered him. You don’t entertain or try to use things that don’t belong to you. You use only what is yours, and anyone who tries to touch what belongs to you is allowed capital punishment.
But Dabi, against better judgment, wasn’t a trigger happy idiot.
No, he was aware of the things idiots needed to see in order to back off. To understand that some things were there for free, and other things were already taken. He laughed, grabbing the rest of Compress’s sake and downing it before slamming it onto the table and standing up, ignoring the angered curses from Compress as he stalked toward you.
There weren’t many things in life that made Dabi lose control of his emotions, but knowing that you were out in the open without a clear mark that you were his was slowly making its way on that list. 
“Let’s go,” Dabi says, his voice perfectly calm despite the heat blazing off his every muscle. His hand was wrapped around your wrist, gripping your skin tightly as he tugged you from the barstool.
It didn’t take much for you to fall off the stool, your stupid way of sitting on bar stools allowed significant imbalance, and Dabi knew that a sharp tug is all it took to have you stumbling off.
“I was talking with Trumpet!” you cried, unable to keep from stumbling after Dabi, your eyes focused on Trumpet.
“I was speaking with y/n, if you would allow us to finish our—” Trumpet also piped up, his hands reaching to button up his suit as he stood.
“Shut up,” Dabi spoke coldly, his eyes narrowing just slightly as he took in his gaze. 
With that, Dabi continued to walk away, dragging your protesting form behind him with every great stride he took. Dabi didn’t know where he was walking, only knowing that he was ignoring every question and angry demand that filtered out of your mouth like white noise. He took sharp turns, disappearing into the alleys that he knew all too well until he found the spot he was looking for.
You were panting heavily when you suddenly slammed into Dabi’s back, exhaustion already setting in your bones from the awkward run you had to maintain in order to keep up with Dabi. You weren’t an idiot; you knew that Dabi wanted to fuck the moment that he appeared behind you with a wave of hot air. But you hadn’t expected it to be while you were in the middle of a conversation with Trumpet; while he was an asshole, Dabi always let you finish your conversations before taking you to fuck. But not this time.
Which worried you. 
Both of you had fucked the entire night last night. Your body had been abused in a million exciting ways as Dabi unleashed his libido onto you, and you had kept up swimmingly. Typically, a fuckfest like that was enough to satisfy him for a few days, two days at least, so to have him back on you within twelve hours was a bit of a shock. 
The sun was still in the sky, after all.
“You really know how to piss me the fuck off, y/n,” Dabi spoke, his tone and words ice-cold despite the blazing heat of his body. “Why is it that you think you have the right to flounder yourself off like some common bitch?”
You freeze. Oh? Was he jealous?
You had no time to even open your mouth to ask, most likely having taken too long to answer his question because his hand flared with heat, and you couldn’t help the scream that ripped through your throat. Tearing your hand from Dabi, you looked down at your burnt, throbbing skin. Your eyes widened, pained tears in your eyes as Dabi turned around, his eyes blank, cold, lifeless. 
“I’m not sure if I ever made this clear before,” Dabi asked, stalking toward you, and you whimper, holding your tender wrist to your chest as you feel something make contact with the back of your calves. “I don’t care about you. If you were to disappear the next day and never return, I wouldn’t care. Maybe I’d miss your pretty little pussy, but other than that… nothing. But you need to understand something for as long as we’re together and for how long we’re apart: you’re mine, y/n, just mine.”
Your eyes are wide, terrified of the monster before you. This wasn’t the Dabi that fucked you every night before this, this was someone else, and sour acid hits the back of your throat. 
His lips are on you without hesitation. The biting coldness of his staples on his cheeks and chin burn against your skin, and his hot hands are against the cold skin of your waist, and you gasp loudly. His tongue invades your mouth immediately, and you whimper, feeling how much colder his tongue was in comparison to yours. But you know what it’s like to share a bed with Dabi, you know that he knows of your bodies every twitch and innate desires, and like a trained dog, you cave to him despite the painful tears dripping down your cheeks.
His kisses are much like his fire, hot, encompassing, all-consuming until there was nothing left except the smell and taste of ashes and smoke. You fell to his needs immediately, the hot, swollen throb in your wrist going ignored as you kissed him back, wanting to taste the smoke on his tongue. So as the heat of his body evaporated the tears off your cheeks, you caved into his kisses. 
Your wrist throbbed as your hands reached up and curled into his hair. 
But the biting possessiveness of his body was all too apparent to you as his teeth buried into your tongue and sucked on it harshly. You gasped, your body arching into his touch as you opened your closed eyes to peer into his piercing lifeless eyes. 
You moaned, body trembling with the wild desire to make him feel good, to make yourself feel good. But you fell, his teeth letting go of your tongue and his calloused, burnt hands pushing you onto the object beneath you. The mildewy mold scent of the mattress beneath you burned into your nose, somehow damp even though there had been no rain for weeks.
Dabi was on you immediately, his body between your legs, lips simmering against your mouth once more, and his hand on your throat. His staples scraped against your chin, the cold metal scratching into your skin until it hurt. You can’t recall the last time he put this horrible power on his grips, you felt your head beginning to spin with the slow, dizzying throb of losing all oxygen, but Dabi took no mind to your struggles; in fact, it seemed to be enjoying it.
“Come on, doll, kiss me back like you actually fucking mean it,” Dabi snapped, his hands burning even more against your throat, and the other made contact with your pants. Your clothes were burnt to singe, the smell of burning fabric had long been a scent you had been familiar with, but you couldn’t even gather the energy to cry about the clothes he just burnt off your body. “Stop acting like a little bitch,” he growls, obviously noticing your shift in character, “be a good doll, and do as you’re told.”
Despite the burning, stabbing feeling in your skin, and the way you couldn’t keep the silent tears from stopping you from doing as you were told. You kiss him back as you once had before, your jaw dropping and your tongue reaching to meet his. 
Dabi growled, clearly liking the suddenly positive response from you, and you trembled against his hold. But, soon, a new scent filled your nose, a unique scent that aligned with the painful burning of flesh.
“You see, I don’t like it when things that belong to me don’t do what I want. I especially hate having to share things that are mine. Don’t get cocky, sweet thing, you’re my precious doll, but I don’t give a single shit about you,” Dabi spat against your lips, his mouth speaking against yours, and his eyes staring straight into your eyes. 
Or they would have been should you not have been in such trifling, nauseating pain as Dabi’s hand burned against your skin. His quirk sizzled against your skin, creating a perfect brand of his hand on your throat, but the pain was immeasurable, horrifically painful as you wailed against his mouth.
“Let me go, let me go, let me go!” you screamed, your hands fisting and pathetically slamming against Dabi’s shoulders, pleading to be shown mercy.
But Dabi merely looked down at you with sadistic disinterest, relishing in the way the smell of your burning skin wafted into his nose until he let go. 
You tried to scream, tried to cry to whatever god may be looking down at you to come and save you, but you found you couldn’t. The burnt, pussing bubbles of infected flesh bubbling on your throat were tight on your sweat-slicked skin, and every small movement made it feel worse.
“There we go!” Dabi grins again, his eyes wild and almost demented as he flips you over so that your naked ass is hanging out in the air, able to be manipulated to his will. The tears in your eyes were still streaming down your face, intermixing with the blood and popped blisters on your skin as Dabi pressed you into a position that would make things easier for him to fuck you in. “I can’t fuck you when your cunt is buried in this box.”
You make a noise, a small noise that sends a powerful wave of nausea through you as Dabi separates your legs and curls his fingers within your slick cunt. 
“Glad to see that your little pussy is still wet as fuck,” Dabi groans, his fingers scissoring deep within you, stretching out your hole until you pathetically cries into the mildew scented mattress. Your body pulsated with a different stimulus; the pain in your throat still burned and was feeling itchy. The thud in your wrist hurt to move. But the pleasure of his fingers buried deep in your cunt made your eyes cross and your mouth pant in the overcoming sensation of your pussy being tended to.
“D-Dabi,” you manage to croak out, the tears running down your cheeks, once more intermixing with the thick blood and puss on the burn. Your voice was disgustingly hoarse, sounding akin to someone with smoker's lungs. “P-Please.”
“P-Please what?” Dabi mocked, his hips grinding against your exposed, pert ass. You could feel the hard cock in his pants, the shift in the fabric as he dropped his own pants and underwear to rut his piercing covered cock through your asscheeks. “Don’t think about me fucking your ass, you dirty fucking bitch, I’m not gonna do that weird shit.”
“N-No!” you whimper, your unburnt hand reaching behind you to grab onto the fabric of his coat that he refused to remove. Somehow, the movement made the throbbing flesh on your throat hurt more, and you swallowed the rising bile in your throat, gagging. “D-Dabi, f-fuck!”
“You want something better than my fingers?” he continued to question, uncaring that he knew exactly what you meant by those words. He was too focused on the way your walls were much tighter around his fingers right now, a vice trap that made him both eager and unwilling to shove his cock deep within your womb just yet. 
You mewl in frustration, your hips shifting against his intruding fingers, desperate to get the coldness of his pierced cock within you already. The pain was still very much alive, but the pleasurable build in your core was quickly outweighing your mood. 
“Oh, I get it,” Dabi sighs, his fingers exiting your throbbing, soaked cunt, both his hands slamming onto your ass, gripping the flesh with all the strength he had. “You want another fucking brand. You want the world to know who you fucking belong to, who fucking owns you until the day you die.”
The words send a panicked throb in your stomach, but before you could protest, before you could make note that this was not something you wanted, his fingers grew hot. Hotter and hotter, they grew until the blue of his flame felt like scorching white heat under your skin. Impossibly unbearable pain and branding scarred into your skin as you’re able to ignore the resulting pain in your throat to scream so loudly, your voice bounces off the alley walls multiple times. 
You can’t see what he did, but you can tell that his handprints are scarred to your ass; you can feel the puss-filled blisters rising from the skin as Dabi continues to massage the skin as if it was a bruise and not some second-degree burn. You sobbed into the mattress, your face buried into the ugly fabric, snot, and tears pooling onto the surface until you were choking on your spit and rising bile. 
Before you could even adjust to the pain, your mind pounding and reeling with the stinging, melting sensation on your ass, something thick, cold, and pierced rams into your throbbing cunt. Your body lurches forward with the initial thrust, your body, despite the pain, jumping from the shock of Dabi’s cock entering you.
It’s a familiar feeling, a feeling you loved, but you can’t focus on the sense of the many balled piercing gliding against your ruffled walls. The extra stimulus pointedly ignored because the pain in your ass was currently outweighing the pleasure he was giving you. But Dabi doesn't care. Why would he care? You’re his doll, and right now, he’s in heaven. Your cunt was blistering hot against his cock and oh so fucking tight. Dabi knew why he was so obsessed with you, and it started with that tight pussy of yours that could milk him dry without even trying. 
Dabi smiled, his hands raising off the branded handprints on your ass that were caked with already horribly forming scabs, blisters, pus, and blood. He felt giddy seeing your ass, covered with trembles and sweat, covered with his handprint. There was no denying you were his, no denying that you were here to serve the League as nothing except his fuck doll. No one would want you now that you had three of his handprints branded on you, and not even he could love someone with as ugly scars on your body.
So, with the stammering, choking cries that poured from your mouth for Dabi to stop because his rutting hips slamming against your newly branded ass was too much, Dabi let his head drop back, flooded with the sense of elation and euphoria. 
You were his.
Finally his.
Only his.
“It hurts!” you screamed, your hips shifting in your feeble attempt to escape his barbaric hold. “It hurts, Dabi!”
“If it hurts so much, why the fuck is your cunt so wet?” Dabi mocked, his hips slamming into you with deeper, faster strokes. “Why the fuck are you moving your hips like a desperate whore if it hurts?”
You howl in your pain crossed pleasure, the tears soaking your face, and the mattress seemingly flowing from you without end in sight. Much like the squelching slick in your cunt that grows louder and louder and the Jacob's ladder on his cock pressed further and further into your warm velvet walls. 
“Because it hurts!” you screech, your fingers tearing into the mattress, your body spasming from the overload of sensation. Your mind slips through the cracks of consciousness, and the pain begins to override your mind.
“Oi, oi, oi!” Dabi yells, his hand coming down to slap the blistering brand on your ass, completely waking you back up. “Don’t you dare knock out on me, doll. I might call you a doll, but I don’t want you to be some fucking dumbass ragdoll when you’re on my cock!”
“I’m sorry,” you mumble, your eyes crossing and your vision spinning with the onslaught of sharp, stinging pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“Mm,” Dabi hums, clearly pleased with your apology. “Seems like after so long, you’ve finally accepted your useless, pathetic, quirkless ass can’t do shit.”
So, his hands shift from your ass and move onto your hips, enjoying the way your skin is so soft, so easily bruisable beneath his hold. Your body seems to block out the pain he brings to your body and only accept the lulling pleasure of it all. The noises of his drilling cock into your sobbing cunt is loud, the sopping noises loud and soft in both your ears. Dabi has half a mind to wonder if anyone would walk by the alleyway, hear your desperate, pathetic noises and call the cops. 
He smiles lazily as his cock brushes against the wall of your cervix. Would he kill you in front of them all and then them? Maybe he would make you beg for his cock more in front of the officers and kill them all should they be aroused. He laughed as his cock slammed into your cervix, the squealing pleasure ripping from your throat at the feeling, and Dabi felt light.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
How pathetic would that be?! Heroes getting aroused as he fucked such a poor girl in front of them! Of course, they’d have to be killed because that would be immoral of them, and not to mention that once anyone got a lustful eye on, you deserved to die.
You were his.
Only his. 
“Who does this pussy belong to?!” Dabi snaps, his hand grabbing your hair by the roots. “Who?”
“Dabi!” you laugh giddily, your face still streaming with tears, your lips bloody and bitten raw. “Dabi! Dabi! Dabi!”
Dabi growls in his satisfying pleasure, his hand throwing your head back onto the mattress, and his hands press onto your shoulders as he begins to thrust faster, harder, more power into your clenching tight cunt. His fingers tear into your skin, breaking the skin and watching the ruby red liquid ooze from your skin. 
That causes you to scream, your face twisted in slight pain, but Dabi presses onward. 
He has one last thing to do.
“Such a good fuck doll, don’t you think you deserve to be rewarded for being such a good fuck? For having such a sweet, tight pussy?” Dabi asks, his teeth biting against the nape of your neck as he continued to fuck you until fluids were beginning to seep from your cunt. “I’m going to make sure that everyone in the fucking world knows you belong to me, that you are my precious fucking doll and no one else's, okay?”
You keen loudly, your body shivering underneath his, and your head nodding, your tongue unable to produce any more words.
Dabi raised his finger, the tip blazing with a small, concentrated blue flame, and he makes contact with the skin on your back.
Dabi Dabi Dabi Dabi
His name is written repetitively on your back. The layers of skin on your back wholly burned off so that the twitching pink of your skin muscles are shown. No blood comes from there.
Dabi laughs, delighted with how fucking perfect you look with his name on your back, and you seemed to have flipped out of your broken mindset and shoved back into the horrors of the pain your body was experiencing. You gagged loudly, screaming and twitching with immense pain, but Dabi continues.
“You don’t mean shit to me, though, doll; I hope you know that!” Dabi snickers, his cock throbbing when he felt the familiar milking sensation of your cunt as you finally came around him. He continued to ram his cock into you, savagely uncaring of how you begged from him to stop, pathetically asked for him to heed. “You’re nothing more than my cumslut, nothing more than some stupid sex doll for me to use. And now you’re completely ruined! No one will want you with my brand all over you! No one will, and I sure as hell don’t want you forever!”
Your body stills under him, not quite limp as though you might pass out, but cold, frozen.
Dabi doesn’t care; he never has as he countries to hammer his cock within you, his tongue sweeping over his front teeth before spitting onto his branded name on your skin. You flinch greatly at the burning sensation, your eyes trying not to close with unconsciousness as ropes of his cum and seed spill into your cunt.
You lay there, unable to move, as Dabi stands up, quickly dressing and leaving you with a mere chuckle.
You were ruined forever, you suddenly realized as we make our way back to the beginning scene.
Cold, used, quirkless.
You had no purpose in life except to be Dabi’s whore, and even he didn’t want you.
The darkness consumed you in the worst of ways right then.
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kiyoedits · 3 years
Text
MONDO OWADA
- He loved every parts of you your intelligence, your body, your heart, your everything
- You'll do tiktok dances everyday you kept asking him to dance with you but he'll never do it with you, you caught him dancin in his room you recorded him dancing till he saw you near the door with your phone you ran to your room but you didn't know where else to go
"YOU BETTER DELETE IT OR ELSE!!" - Mondo
"no" you giggled, he grabbed you by the hand and trying to delete it but you send it anyways
"Damn You!.." He left the room mad
You kinda felt bad for sending but you thought it was funny, you went to find him sitting on the couch with anger on his face. "Ahw babe don't be angy your dance was perfect."
- Mondo will hold you buy the hand around public people but when he's with his gangs some random guy will walk up to you and start a conversation with you trying to flirt with you, Mondo came up to you and grabbed you by the waist "stay away from my girl or else" - Mondo
(⚠️I WANNA GIVE YOU WARING ABOUT SELF HARM⚠️)
-"Your fat no one likes you" - Hiyoko,
-"Your not fit or beautiful like me, now get away from me rat" - Sonia (I'm sorry y'all Sonia lovers!)
You ran away with tears in your eyes, you bumped into Teru he looked at you with his grin smirk on his face and slapped your butt you ran away and went to your room crying, you sat on the floor thinking about negative thoughts about you 'I'm fat, im ugly, no one loves me, I'm useless, I should kill my self, I shouldn't be in this world' you got up and went out to the kitchen you looked around the kitchen to check if there's no one, no one was in the kitchen so you went up to grabbed the knife and put it in your pocket til you heard someone footstep "Huh y/n what are you doing in here? - Mondo "I-I was hungry" you studderd, "Oh- umm...I was thinking that we can hang ou-" he got cut off "I-I can't I'm busy.." "busy with on what?" "w-with h-h-homework" "but we dont have homewor?.." "oh umm busy working with C-Chihiro on stuff...." "o-oh.. okay..." you left immediately but Mondo grabbed you by the hand "But when your done working can we ha-" "I'm sorry but I'm busy!" You left to your room, "Am boring?.. or am I not good enough for her?.."
*TIME PASS BY*
You where in your room with your knife thinking, you cutted your wrist and more till there pink blood on the floor, "H-hey are you in there cause I ask chihiro is y/n with you? But you weren't with her.." he open the door and see you In a pink blood bath "Y/N ARE YOU FU*KIN OKAY!" he came next to you and carried you to the nurse.
"O-O-oh my what happened to Y/N!?" - Mikan "IDK I just came in and saw y/n with a knife in a bloody pool" "I-I-I'll help her get well, you can put her on the bed and go back to class t-thank you for bring her in" "y-yeah.." he left the room while Mikan helped you.
*TIME SKIP BC IM LAZY 12:41am*
As you got better Mondo walked up to you "H-hey y/n are you okay?" "I-I'm fine" "are you sure?..." "I'm totally fine" you tear up a bit, "hey hey something wrong?" You hugged him and cried he was shocked he hugged you back and trying to chee you up "Shhh it's okay y/n let it all out" "...mondo...." "hmh yeah?" "D-do you think I'm fat?.." "Huh..no your not fat your beautiful the way you are" your face went tint pink, "I..I I love you M-Mondo I- I know you won't feel the same way-" mondo cutted you off by a kiss "I feel the same way you".
ahh sorry I can't one up sorry if it's short but I can take some requests
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mrskurono · 3 years
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Im the anon with the previous Makki ask! You’re totally valid on your view and absolutely it is ridiculous how Makki is either brushed aside or has been interpreted really poorly in fanon! He totally is his own person. Wishing you a quick recovery from the nerve pain! I’d be pissy too from that and any other annoyances.
Pls know I wasn't mad at you at all anon!! I actually adore Mattsun. He's basically a 6'2 version of my wife and I don't mind the ship or poly ship at all (as I've written a few things for it before)
Just the combo of shit fanon Makki and then some cunt weasel decided to reblog my Makki content just to bash on him pissed me off this morning (which I've been cranky for a few days it didn't help)
Makki is terrific and if we're being honest I've probably had a crush on him longer than I realized (for I am dumb as shit) And I just hate people saying they "like" Makki only to find out they like a cucked Makki who just tags along with Mattsun. They're friendship is great but jfc people Makki is still his own person as is Mattsun.
The narrative that Makki is dumb, lazy and useless drives me batshit. Sure he wasn't in college prep classes but he wasn't below average either. And he wasn't some stand alone jokester that only fucked with people. He was engaging and encouraging to his underclassman and regularly praised and was kind to both Kunimi and Kindaichi. (I mean for fucksake he got Kunimi to engage with him more than anyone else could get Kunimi to) And he was mature and present during games and times with the other grads. Not to mention he was literally the same position as Iwa. An outside hitter is no slouch job he was Seijoh's second ace and everyone just thinks he's lazy? (Which brings me back to the eye narrative we had a few weeks back but thats a different rant) There's just so much subtle context to Makki people push out of the way when they see timeskip Makki is between jobs. So what? I'm not working and haven't been for some time (extending prior to being pregnant too) so people who don't work are lazy and just don't have the motivation? That's bull crap and a lame excuse to wanna pigeon hole Makki's character. The same crap happens with my other favs and istg I'm just really good at picking characters people like to sweep under the carpet 🙄
Anyways sorry for the rant! None of that was directed at you anon <3 Only at every twat waffle in the hq fandom who thinks Makki is 1. Ugly 2. Lazy and 3. Useless without Mattsun <3 If y'all are either of those three then kindly gtfo people <3
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jungxk · 3 years
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// rant
i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.
my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.
nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?
nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?
this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.
at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.
last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.
it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.
sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj
i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x
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Text
December Dates
Seventeen Summary: In the spirit of Christmas, boyfriend!svt is here to take you on a date. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, crackkkkkk, v many typos,etc.
R E Q U E S T
my friend: seventeen + cute
A/N: HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HOS (jk) HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Also ashdiepl because im writing on a tab, i couldnt add any gifs so aksjemksksmsksksmskskdk alsO im so sorry i dont remember if the request is platonic or nah but kaksksksk this is what u get soz
-----
Alright
So no gifs
Imma just do a header real quick so u know wassap
S. Coups
Tumblr media
Das better
hi header
I might delete u later if i get on a pc
But firsT seuNgcheEolL
*deep breath*
Ho u lucky enough to breath the same air he does
N now u are on aa date with him
WoWw
So bf!seungcheol is a cute lil snowflake
Which means he'll buy u an ugly ass Christmas sweater and matching gloves
THAT MATCHES THE ONES HE BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF OFC
then yall go out and play in the powdery snow outside
ImGine seungcheol grabbing yOuR hand 
cebAuse u a dumb loser that slips on nothing
Also warmth
pulling your scarf up a bit because he can tell you're getting cold
Then like a gentleman
will pUSH U INTO THE SNOW
AND START A FRICKIN SNOW WAR
HE'll hit ur dumb face he dont care
He'll maKe u wish u Stayed damn home
Rapid fire frikin snow granades man
Course iz all a bita fun
Then he'll let u win
Cause he does care Bout ur dumb Fce
Also he soft for u gross
Then once that's done he'll start laughing
Not because of post-snow ball fight adrenaline
But because he thinks himself so funny
When he busts a lung screaming "dO Ya wana biLd aSNOEMAN!!!!!"
AND THEN U decline and leave him in the snow
"YAAAAA WE HAVE TO BUILD A SNOWMAN THOUGH!" he'll laugh
U literally wana leave him and his annoying ass
U stomp away
He laughs and goes after u
His hot breath is visible 
and hits your ear when he comes up and wraps his arms around you from behind
U be like, "listen stupid, u corny af, lets break up"
Seungcheol would pout and kiss ur cheek, "nah, u still owe me hot choco. Break up with me after paying me back."
"Ew, why would i pay u back tho"
"Uh cause if you don't imma do thisss," then he proceeds to shove u into the snow again
"CHOI. SEUNG. CHEEOOOLLLLLLLLLLALAKAKAOKS!"
Ok well i have to cut this here first cos there are 12 boys left
Oh Hi hello u here back to ur regular programme
Jeonghan
Tumblr media
Yiz
Unlike cheol
Dis ho not about to get cold 4 u uhm
Leave the cold for someone else
But get warm together
I mean
Wink wINKkkkk
Jk gtfo
This is a wholesome headcanon
Git warm he would gladly
So u know what dat means
CUddlEs
Imagine cuddling jeonghan
BoIii
It's da holidays
Which mean he bout to get dat $$$leep
Of course u dont mind that ur just sleeping in
Gurl if ya do
Let me stress out
If you mind sleeping in and cuddling with yoon jeong han
GUrL
Wathu doin????
AnYWAY
ITz u and him right
Ur in bed reading the novel he got u beforehand right
Look at u looking cute in knit sweater and glasses
EVEN IF U DONT NEED THEM THERE ARE GLZSSES
IM TRYING TO MAKE A SCENE HERE WORK WITH ME
it could be jeonghan's ur using it as a headband shhhh
So like ur sitting down
N beside u its jeonhan v slightly snoring
Right right right
Then ur like "man i want something to eat cause i've been sitting here reading all day"
But also ur always hungry
Cause who isnt tho lol
ANYWAY UR ABOUT TO STZND UP
but jeonghan like a needy ho is like noooooooooooodontgo
N ur like
aww wat a needy ho
"Jeonghan im just gonna get something to eat"
"Eat laterrr, i need u now"
He'll keep his eyes shut and shimmy over
Securing an arm on your  hip so u wont go
U roll ur eyes and put your book away on the cabinet next u
"Jeonghan ive literally been next to u since last night. I'm just gonna get something to eat, and 4 u 2!"
He'll flutter his eyes open only to close them and move even closer to place his head on ur lap
"I dont want toooooo"
U roll ur eyes again and shimmy out of his grip
But only to get into his arms and hide your face in his chest
"You're so needy," u note
"Says you who's tangling themselves on me"
"Touché"
Joshua
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Okay
Get this
Joshua and gingerbread houses
He probably used to build one growing up
And he has just the person in mind he wants to rekindle the tradition with
Congrats u filthy animal
So he took the liberty of getting allll u and he would need
And so much more
Im talking chocolate bars
Shipped cream
Candy canes
Busicuits
Edible glitter
Gum drops
Shrek 1 2 3 4
Is there a four
Im too lazy to google it
And omg u so special to him he loves u so much
Screw u
He wants to share the love with the carats
So he vlives it all
And at first ur shy
Like what if the joshua stans come 4 u
Ok but in this story yall had already annouce ur relationship
AND EVERYONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE COOL WITH IT FFS LET UR FAVES DATE WHOEVER THEY WANT ISTG
so
Joshua is like "noo don be shy they'll all love u"
(':
N ur like ok cos i love u sm
But not like the company sm tho *barfing noises*
So yall build a gingerbread house and do a whole ass tutorial about it
Except u dont
Cause yal are morons and could stop messing up or earing the ingredients along the way
Sorry honey ur morons i dont make the rules
"Stop eating the marshmallows!"
"U literally finished the bowl of mnms tho Joshua!"
"Uh no that was the gingerbread man,"
ANd then u all bicker like children because u are omfl
And it excalates
fooD FIGHT
U smear cream on joshuas face
He sprinkles sprinkles on ur head
U press graham crackers against either of his cheeks and ask him what he is
"A sexy graham sandwich"
"Ew no wrong answer," u reply
Can i just point out that that chocolate syrup stain is never coming off
*cough cough cough moron cough cough*
Jun
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Imma bout to yeet
Junhui is also feeling nostalic
super soft super baby
And since he's probably feeling bit homesick somewhere in there
he thinks he can remedy it with a bit of chinese home cooking!!!
And whiney needy cuddles also yay
Moving on so
Will it be good?
Damn straight
itll be fikin delish
Will you try to to help him
Of course u gotta help ur man
But like duh
u have eyes
And seeing him all focus and busy and hot
Is really distracting
So like ur as useful as a broken button to him
He doesnt mind tho
He thinks ur cute
Also lovng the attnstion
But the thing about not helping
Not really
And being distracted by a cutie pie
Is that it's basicaly a disaster ending to happen so like
he's efficiently stirring up so hot stuff right
And ur like "man jun's some hot stuff"
And then BaaaaM
U knock over the damn chopping board with the knife and everything on it
Thank goodness the thing didn't chop through your foot of anything
And jun is like "oHMYGOSH DA HELL R U OK"
"... i- im sorry i knocked over ur potatoes"
"My poTaToeS! Listen rn im glad u didnt chop ur foot off"
Jun sighs and looks at the cubes of taters scattered on the floor
You frown, feeling useless
Both of u pick up ur mess
Jun puts down the kitchen utensils in hand
u picked up the last of the potatoes
"Hey we could always wash those, it's not like the floor is mud or anything, even then , potates came from mud"
"Yeah but im sorry, i wanst really helping in the first place"
Jun smirks, "nonsense! U were feeding my ego! That's enough for me!"
You snort and jun comforts u with a tight embrace
Hoshi
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AlrighT fam
I thought of something pretty cute but pretty dumb for hoshi
He's like "imma do something super romantic for Christmas"
So he's like "wear something cute we gon do smth fun" @ u
So u do
U get a cute little red dress just for the occasion
And soonyoung his like "BRO MY GIRL SO SUPER CUTE"
And ur like a blushing mess cause he looks super excited with his big smile and cresent eyss
ahhh Hhh myHOSishiii fealzssmsmmsms
Anyway u think ur gonna go to some cute restaurant right
But hoshi brings u to the mall
To instead join the couples dancing contest
Soonyoung gets super nervouse at ur surprised reaction
He's like, "omg is this a super bad idea i thought it would be cute but like i guess not we dont have to go we could always just drop out"
You laugh and shake ur head, "no it's all good, but i mean like, we don't have a choregraphy, and im not like you who can just break it down."
Soonyoung lets out a breath and chuckles, "nah don't worry. It's not really a compation-competion, and regardless, they're going to show ius a choreo and the couple that best interprets wins a a romantic date for two, fit for a dancing king and queen"
And then u break into a big uwu
"Omg u are super romantic soonyoung"
He struts a pose and chuckles, "i mean, i try"
So you both participate in the contenst
Kinda zumba it out by folling the instructors
Soonyoung is helping you out with your form and explaining to you the steps
He gets a little competative so he doesn't really want to mess us
Up hearing you giggle when you do a s pin breaks his competative spirit
And all he really cares about is having a good time with you
Aleight
But admitedly
He was pretty annoyed when they annouced the winner
Were not the two off you
i mean you lot were the cutest it can gt
Who else could trump that
But then you both saw that the winners were 80 something yesr olds holding hand and looking at each other like the other was their world
and then soonyoung was like "okay valid"
You pout, "aww i hope we end up like that"
Soonyound and you turn to each other
He grins for ear to ear, "then lets go on a romantic date as well"
"I thought you'd never ask"
Wonwoo
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LiNda
I hope you're ready for wonwoo 
Because i sure as hell am not 
So in case youre wondering 
Youre crazy I mean youre reading this arent you 
Prolly at midnight hi fam 
Again i dont make the rules 
Well just a btw Almost every 
Christmas tradition is pagan 
Like the tree 
The wreath 
And SANTA IS SO CREEPY YALL NEED TO GET UR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HIM 
SO MAYbe ur not all that crazy 
For not wanting to continue them on 
i mean sure u can give new meaning to things 
But you wanted none of that
 Which was whyyyy you decided to DIY the decorations to your entire house 
Nnd who else are you going to do that with other than your loving bb boyfriend wonwoo 
Wonwoo doesn't mind 
He thinks its cute 
Because it is a cute date idea 
Youtube tutorials 
Pinterest ideas and paper snowflakes and all 
Yeah 
so wonwoo is there cutting up some of the paper you folded 
You're glueing some popsicle sticks 
He's water coloring some designs in 
Youre pulling on the tape dispenser 
It's all going great 
"Jagiya... i don't want to sound mean but-"
 "They're all ugly as hell. I know Wonwoo." 
Wonwoo gives an apologetic look. 
For a moment u two dont speak 
And then you both brust into laughter 
"Aww whatever, lez stick em on!" 
And do you get your badly painted slowflakes 
Your wolf drawing 
"That's a wolf?" 
"Duh what else would it be wonwoo?" 
The letters that spelled merry chrsitmas 
And the doodle cutouts of the seventeen members 
in personalized ugly sweaters 
And placed them all over the place 
You look around basking in the glory of ur craft 
Its all very colorful 
And crafty 
And looking like a child made it 
Then like an imbecile 
U break into laughter 
"It looks like a kindergartener's classroom" 
U end up roasting yourself 
Making fun of your sloppy handwork 
And wonwoo watches u 
with adoring eyes
 "I almost forgot," wonwoo speaks up and pulls out a piece of paper 
You recive it from him and break into a smile 
"Is this us?" 
Wonwoo snorts, "no its jeonghan hyung in a dress holding my hand sweetheart"
For a moment u believe him
But then he breaks out into laughter
Woozi
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Boi imma fite u
Christmas carols
Okay idek why i ended up so serious with wonwoo
But listennup
Im not about to maypke it crackier
so back to christmas carols
Dis boi is about to serande you with a christmas themed love song
So its around 8pm at night
Jihoon has is guitar
and ur just chilling right
and ur on ur phone letting him do his thing
but then from the floor he was sat on
he turns to you on the couch
And pats ur leg
"Yo i just finished my song u wann hesr"
You squeak and jump of the couch next to him
"Duh dummy!"
And he starts singing
He's talking about stars and warmth
He's spittin fire about the smell of hot choco
The  he's talking sbout how lame joshua's gingerbread house was
Next thing you know ur  crying
because omg that ginger bread houseWAS UGLY
also jihoooooooooooooon just serenaded you
Dont u just
Then jihoon catches you and panicks
"You okay? Why are you cryin?!"
"HowDARS YOU ASK ME THAT LISTEN UP U JUST SAID SOME SWEET WORDS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!"
JIHOON CALms down
But u crybaby cant stop crying
and of course jihoon panicks again
So he starts singing some other Christmas song
And then u start crying about poor rudolf
And remember regina george
But then eventually you calm down
And decide to nuzzle up against jihoon who replaced his guitar with you in his arms
Then us fall asleep with him sweetly singing about the spirit of Christmas
DK
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 Liz gittit
Of course this ray of light just wants to give off energy to the world 
And since he 
And u u forgetful ass 
Forgot to go shopping for presents 
You decided to go on a dec 24th shopping trip! 
Hurrah! 
But it was too eady for u two 
Like wtf 
Gift giving Is suuch and easy task 
And shoping a day before Christmas 
pshhhhhhh 
Its a heartbeat
 "Whoever gets the best gifts gets for the best price gets to boss the other around until new year," seokmin grins 
You knit your brows deeply at his words 
And wonder what the hell he has in plan for him to think of doing something so ensnaring 
So being the smarter one in the relationship 
"Uh no??" 
Seokmin was like "ok then the other has to do whatever the other says for the entirety of Christmas" 
"???? Whyyyyy?" 
"Because its not challengeing or fun if there isn't any condition" "Ugh fine" 
So the two of you zip around looking for the best gifts you could get 
You try to stay away from the people doing their last minute shopping 
Seokmin doesnt dare go in between an old lady mouthing of another customer 
Tbh its super stressful 
wtf 
what kind of date is this 
Only morons would do this wtf 
Both of you got shoved constantly 
There wasnt really much space to move around 
And there wasnt really anything to choose from 
But hey guess what 
Seokmin found some really cool gifts 
"Daheck did u get that shirt?" 
"Isle five. There were a bunch of people grabbing some stuff and this fell to the ground and so i picked it up and thought it was pretty cool"
You on the other hand got like ok gifts 
I mean theyre not bad
 But da hell did dk get a frikin eeyore onesie idek 
It was no contest.  
Seokmin defo won 
"Yisss so i win therefor u have to make me some Christmas cookies tomorrow" 
"U ho did u really just make me suffer through that so you could ask me to make cookies 4 u???" 
"Yes but we really didn have gifts tho." 
U roll ur eyes 
Seokmin's face falls, "r... r u like mad @ me?" 
"Uhhhhhhhhhh" 
You knit your brows at him but release a smile when u see his nervous look 
"No babo. Im jusy tired, lezgo back home" 
He sighs and nods, kissing your cheeks 
"Dont worry baby, ill carry all of this back home" 
Which he does 
And when u get back 
He says he forgot something in the car
then comes bzck 
And then forcefully turns u around 
Ur about to protest
But the you realize he's putting on a silver necklace on u 
"Yahhhh seokminie, u shouldnt have. Where you even get this"
"I bought it a while back, duh" he chuckles then kisses you on the cheek 
"Merry christmas jagi" 
Mingyu  
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You are a genius for getting boyfriend like mingyu 
uh and super lucky like fu-- 
BUT TODAY 
Ur extra glad that mingyu is 10ft tall 
Because ur going to be decorating your very own tree 
Wow 
You bought he prettiest glass ornamnets
 and the sparkliest streamers 
"I have a vision," u explain 
Mingyu nods in understanding 
U and him lift the tree into the living room 
And then u start decorating the tree from the bottom up 
Its all rly chill
 You lot are chatting about whatever 
He's tellling you about ur tour n stuff 
U put on some Christmas tunes for flare 
And then u stand up from the floor and boogey with each other 
Yall shake ur butts 
and go around the tree wrapping it in tinself 
Mingyu steals one of the ornaments from u
 and u try to take it back from him like the genius u are 
Except hes holding it over his head 
N u cant for the life of u reach his hand up there 
So u step on his foot 
And punch his stomach 
And he bends down in reaction 
In pain
Soz
He was asking for it
U steal the decor back 
Then he proceeds to chase u around because aparently ur the bully 
*instert pikachu meme here* 
N then u get back towork 
Or i mean take a break 
And u eat a bunch of holiday special junk 
And then u get back to work 
"ok nows for the star" 
U hand him the star because its the entire point of his existance
getting that star up ther 
with his longass arms 
He turns to u "u dont wanna put it" 
BOI 
u suck in a breath 
"I cant frIKICN REACH IT U LIL" 
He give a face, "there are ways" 
"My go-- just put the AHHHHHHH"
AND THEN THE NEXT THING U KNOW
 Hes crouching down pulling ur legs on his shoulders 
"MINGYU PUT ME DOWN" you say, about to rip of his face 
Mostly because u have nothi to hold onto
but he stands 
with u on his shoulders
and walks to the tree 
"Put the damn thing on before u fall!!" 
Wow its ur fault again
And screaming u put the star on 
And mingyu putz u down 
"Okay that was stressful" 
U punch him in the gut again 
The8  
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Minghao is super tired 
But super looking forward to spending time with u 
So u defintely go on a date 
But its of the lazy movie watch variety
Im talking all the chesey romance movies 
Set in december 
that has like mistletoe kisses 
And snow scenes 
And also those holiday specials
 For catroons 
And non cartoons 
Even the one with arnold swartzimacallit 
You pull out the laptop 
And get on netflix 
There's popcorn on 
And hot tea 
Or whatever the hell 
Its all just very warm 
and u and minghao are wrapped together in a warm blanket 
Ur nestled in between is legs and ur super warm and cozy and im so soft bleh 
"Oh oh, u should see this part, its my fav--" 
But u stop uourself when u turn and see minghao fell asleep
 U coo and let him obvi 
taking unflattering pictures duh 
But also cute ones because 
#couplegoals 
He doesn't sleep through all the movies though 
You end up watching non christmas themed films too 
Like toy story4 
OKAY I CRIED AT THE ENDING 
PIXAR IS REALLY COMING FOR MY WIG 
"You look really cute cuddled up against me" he'll randomly blurt 
U feel ur cheeks brun at that 
but no he cant have that 
"I thought i was always cute" 
He chuckles and groans as he hugs u tightly 
U laugh at his reaction 
"Of course you're always cute" 
"Ok but the teddy bear u got me is actually cuter" 
"Nononono, the teddy is cute but uuu are cuter" 
"Were u always this gross?" 
Seungkwan 
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Okay 
before u tell me these are getting worse and worse every passing member 
i would first like to say i know 
and  that seungkwan bought u a cute dress for Christmas 
and took u to a fancy restaurant 
Ok ur welcome 
But like even if it werent fancy 
U'd still like it 
cause holy guacamole 
imagine holding seungkwans hand as u walk around
Jsut being so head over heels
and super in love with the cutie
Groooossss 
LinDA 
The feeling is mutual for him when he's around u 
so he stops mid conversations 
just to take ur pic 
Its kinda annoyig 
but kinda cute 
"Hey unknow hansol told me about-- what are u doing"
 "No go on, im just talking ur picture"
 Literally the bst hype man alive 
Will make take dozen upon dozen photos of u 
And will make u pose for aethetics 
He will go on making sure everyone knows u da hottest ho in the place 
n ur like "seungkwan stfu u embarrassssing meee" 
And then oml  
Some moron tries to hit on u 
and seungkwan sqwares up ready to hit a fool 
would he actually do it i mean 
Like 
prolly Not 
but then again he looked really mad 
So u calm him down 
and u go bzck home 
And the cuddles 
"Baby girl im sorry if i embarrassed u"
 "Nah itz chill i mean i know u have good intentions"
U smile and he takes another candid phto of u
"Broooooo!!"
 "Im donnnr. Now hows about we get rid of that dress" 
Vernon  
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okay im willing to guess hansol loves drinking hot chocolate in the winter
So he's like 
"Lets do a hot choco review" 
And buys 897 types of hot choco 
Or like ten 
wtf eight hundres pluss is too much 
So ur like okay i like hot choco 
and then he pulls out his phone and does a vlive 
"No i am not jealous of joshua hyungs vlive with his gf" 
Yall make like ten cups of hot choco 
and is chaotic 
Idek how u could get injured 
But hey 
It wasnt even the hot water invovled 
but the wrapping of the choco powder 
"Technical difficulties hansol is a big moron" 
U get him a bandaid
"Ya! I am not" 
Yall start reviewing anyway 
*insert try guys eugenes voice* 
Im rihght
 Ur wong 
Shut up 
After trying the first onw 
Ur like wow dis is good 
the second was even better 
The third one u hold
then u realized there were eight more cups 
And that u made so
much 
so u were like "omf there is too much "
then u debated whether or not calling seventeen to drink the rest 
But then hansol was like "ther isnt enough for themm"
Then ur like 
"okay whatabout making a super hotchoco" 
n vernon was like 
???? 
"THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVVER HAD" 
SO YALL GET A BIGASS POT 
MIX THE REST IN 
REALIZE U HAVENT RATED THE other cups
 Shrug it off 
and get a cup of the hot choco mix 
"Tastes like corn" 
"Bish dafaq" 
Dino 
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Yikes 
so 
Chan is a dumb ho 
and got himself sick at Christmas so 
nononoono thats a no to any cute date ideas 
and its just you and him staying at home 
U personally dont mind 
but hes like "awww but i had so many ideas"
 but obvi U cant risk him getting any sicker than he already is 
So you stay home and take care of him 
and all he can do is complain about everything 
about the cold 
his runny nose 
The lack of taste of the food
 His head ache 
The fact his bed is hot 
And that fact that u have to take care of him 
And treat him like a baby 
"I am not a baby" 
"Listen up, u are always gonna be my baby" 
"Not u toooooo najsjsjjs" 
You make him some hot cocoa 
And hes like "im not drinking that if u call me baby again" 
"Babybabybabybabybaby" 
Ugghgg "If you keep doing that im not going to give u the gift i gotchu" 
"Well das on u" 
And then u end up going ona glaring contest 
Chan ends up giving it to u anyway 
"i hope u choke on it" he grumbles with insencerity 
U coo when u see that its a handwritten letter 
And then u end up crying because hes super soft
N ur super soft
And gahhh u love him so much
 Chan pats ur back because he doesnt want to get u sick if he hugs u  
U sniffle and wipe ur eyes 
"Who's the baby now, cry baby" 
You snarl and pinch his side 
And now i say
This was probably hecking bzd but i hope u enjoyed 
merry CHRISTMAS 
ITS MY FABORITE HOLiDAY 
TAKE CARE Of urselves mwaah
Support me on ko-fi
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agnetafrieberg · 4 years
Text
blah blah blah i hate myself im so sad gay panic blah blah blah death
sdfjosa934804590
i sound like a broken record and there are times when i actually get really sick of it. writing it down helps in the sense that when i try to get my head out of my ugly ass for a minute and think rationally, i realize it’s all so minor and stupid and mostly selfish. i have the same conflicting, melancholic issues people my age have and pretty much every human being experience at some point. i wouldn’t even say i have ‘trauma’ because, well of course i’ve heard messed up shit and i’ve been in uncomfortable situations and i was an outcast teen. and so do millions (literally) of people around the world. i’m just way too self absorbed and dramatic. i think i like attention more than i’d like to admit. not from strangers, mind you, but from my loved ones. i write down the things i feel in the moment and after a while when i go back to them, it’s almost like second hand embarrassment. i see other people’s problems and i feel almost disgusted by myself for all the things i have said about my own problems. you know how often neurotypicals say that all problems can be solved and death is not the solution etc. i don’t agree entirely, but i do recognize that >my ‘problems can be solved indeed. it’s just my messed up head that apparently can’t.
i don’t feel like i know myself but the little i know i’ve always recognized that since the beginning i’ve been a weirdo. the internet is cool because it’s the worldwide weirdo convention, i’ve read people who seem to be pretty much identical to me. i’m just trying to get it together and follow a rational path of thoughts but it’s hard, everything i write just seems stupid and worthless. anyway. at the moment i don’t feel like pointing fingers at other people and i’m not going to, but i’ve been called selfish and the more i self reflect, i start to agree with this. i value, i love and i care about the good people i have in my life even though every single one of my latest actions point otherwise. i think that feeling like ‘a burden’ and the idea of constantly disappointing and hurting others etc is what drives me nutty in the first place. and also the idea of being ‘unloveable’, of course. hence, i enjoy the attention. my mind literally starts doing cartwheels when i think about that stuff. which i do, a lot.
and it’s the same old deal, man. ‘i am so ugly, i am so awkward, i am so lonely, i am so stupid, i am so worthless, i am so pathetic, i am so hopeless (...) i destroy everything, i hurt everyone, i can’t do anything right, nobody likes me (...)’ like i said i always felt a bit off, generally speaking, but some ten or eleven years ago these thoughts became so consuming and suffocating. they suffocate me everyday. you know when you’re with a kid, and they won’t stop moving and jumping around and yelling and doing headstands and freaking out and you’re like omg just fucking stop why can’t you sit still? and you’re so mad because you just want them to stop! the situation with my whacky brain is basically that way. i get tired and i just want it to stop, but the energy doesn’t end, apparently.
idk i still care about myself in a way that when i see my mind is doing its fucking cartwheels again, it concerns me a bit. like last july when i tried to off myself. i don’t wanna go back to the hospital, it’s truly a messed up place to be in. i said i don’t have trauma, but scratch that and add: the hospital trauma! geez, those couple days kicked my ass real good. in a way it was the ‘wake up call’ i was probably needing. i did what so many suicidal folks do: swallowed a bunch of pills, obviously didn’t think it through, made a fool out of myself, lots of drama (ambulance sirens kinda drama), put family through hell, etc. the days i spent in the hospital were 97% crying, the rest just staring at the nurses, watching the news and napping. when i got out of that nightmare, i actually had one of the happiest phases of my life because i was so glad to be in my house and out of pain and with my family and loved ones. and yet, and yet, months later to the date and i feel like i should have done it ‘better’ and it should have ‘worked’ because i’m in very bad pain again :-) {she’s so full of shit...}
i can’t see a future for myself, and i’m being honest when i say this. right now, i see nada. i have no willpower to build a future. shit, i have no willpower to even shave my legs or brush my hair. suicide to me is what celebrity crushes are to general people: it’s on my mind a lot. sometimes all the time. sometimes obsessively. 
my family wants me to stay, and i love them enough to do so, but... i don’t want to be selfish, i don’t want to be a bad person, i don’t want to be an useless adult, i don’t want to hurt others, i don’t want to hurt myself. yet i keep doing these things. agh! help?
as-i3404ri°?490
gonna hand this as a note to my folks, wrote it down here first for accessibility and laziness motives. i feel like taking my social isolation a bit further. i don’t feel like doing much of anything except sleeping and being around my mom and our dog. haven’t done a queue for personal blog in ages, but did one today. i need a detox. from myself. what a bitch. if someone read this, peace. until we meet again 💋
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ts-2020-olympics · 4 years
Text
EPISODE 2 - “Landen’s Going Home” - Emma
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Billy's back! If we lose I am screwed heavily, though I do think there's a chance. Slide puzzles aren't my thing, so hoping for the best out of this.
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Kathy, I'm voting for you. Bailey had a good excuse for not doing the challenge, and I haven't heard anything from you, whatsoever. Hate to say it, but your ass is grass, pal. 
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i'm gonna be a lazy bitch and do a written confessional this round bc i look too ugly for a video. so, basically after the events that transpired last round, jordan came begging at my feet for my forgiveness after lying to me about the vote. he doesn't realize that i knew what he was doing before the fact thanks to sammy, so i just played along and acted like i didn't know and told him that i understood his perspective and understand him lying to me. but believe me, a bitch never forgets being lied to. like, if he can so easily lie to me this early in the game, how am i supposed to trust him going forward? i guess it doesn't really matter because he's he easy boot if we happen to lose again before a swap. but i think i did a good job of making him feel like i wasn't mad so that he will trust me in the event of a swap or if we lose again he won't vote me. also, i'm pretty confident that both sammy and caeleb consider me their closest ally. they both tell me about their findings in the village so i'm getting two people per round telling me where not to go, so that's super helpful. i could see the three of us going far but i'm sure that the two of them will go for each other eventually, especially if they are both competing to have me be their number one. i'm fine with it tbh. sammy also got a vote block from the village. so now he has an idol that lasts for two more tribals, and a vote block lasting for one more tribal. so definitely think sammy is of more use to me at the moment especially since he has all of these advantages. my tribe won immunity this round which is nice. i'm glad i can just relax and not worry about a tribal. i hope we can keep winning until a swap bc i think all 3 people left on my tribe could be of use to me. also fuck connor, he told everyone at the arena that me and caeleb have a premade, as if we even knew each other before this game. someone is bitter that he couldn't make relationships and was first boot. so im sure that information is spreading around and i should probably worry about that. but oh well, i'm just gonna focus on winning for now! woo go me.
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Alright, so here we are, the first loss of the 2020 Tumblr Olympics.   Sure, we may have had the Silver medal bonus for that challenge, but the tribe just isn't suited I guess towards slide puzzles, and plus Bailey was busy so wasn't able to compete like we had hoped.  It's all good though, as I always say that life comes before an online game, so nothing but respect.  Anyways, I formed a three person alliance with Beck & Ben, basically as far as I am aware, us three are the most active on the tribe, and really only ones that talk much on the tribe, so basically they are the only two I really connected with enough to be able to put my trust in, just hopefully this alliance all works out for now.   Then in terms of this vote, I feel it will be Kathy going, as she just doesn't seem all too dedicated towards the game/is a little inactive, and not talking really to anybody, so even though I do like Kathy, just inside this game, at least at this stage of the game, we need tribe strength, and she just isn't going to be putting that through whilst not being as active as others.   Anything can happen though, and there is still the arena yet so who knows, the person voted out of this tribe could end up coming back with a gold medal.
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i'm pretty sad that my tribe is going to tribal but at the same time i'm confident i won't be leaving, mostly because 2/5 of our tribe members aren't very active. i also have this alliance with ben and darcy now which seems like a strong trio, so even though we lost immunity it could be a LOT worse. unfortunately the downside is that if we're voting out kathy (which is most likely) she's probably too inactive to do the arena challenge, so we're not gonna get any medals in the arena... but that's alright i suppose, we just have to work hard for the next one. if ben can't participate in the next immunity challenge i feel like our tribe is gonna be in a really tough spot. but i'm praying for the best anyway.
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Not gonna lie, slide puzzles are awful for immunity challenges, especially if the RNG is manipulated just right. There's a way to solve them correctly every time, but to do it in the minimal number of moves requires that everything go your way in terms of luck. I'll take the L, but I am not happy. 
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i’m honestly so frustrated that emma didn’t even submit but! she’s such a sweetheart that i felt really awful voting to get her out, but that was just a lil. hm. also apparently i’m close to her now? so that was inch resting to hear. thank u billy
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Landons going home 
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my truth is that i keep forgetting check my skype and i want my teammates to glock me and vote me out 
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Even with the gold medal I won, we still somehow end up going to tribal. Tell me, HOW THE FUCK DO WE MANAGE TO DO SOMETHING LITERALLY SO ASTRONOMICAL?! It drives me mad how we had such a big advantage...christ. Anyway, a few things I'm thinking about heading into tribal. A) Everyone voted me last time, so I'm playing this one a little more no holds barred. B) I'm thinking about what's the biggest advantage to me whether the person I vote out comes back or fucks off into 24th place. C) I couldn't care less about how we're doing in challenges at the moment. I want people who'll be loyal to me, and in return people that I can put my faith in. Right now, that's Emma and Emma only. However, she didn't participate in the challenge, so it's a little bit of an awkward situation. I know that Landen, can be an extremely good player UTR heading later into the game, and to be honest I feel like he's a bit shady. So, adios to him. I get Emma and Juls vote, and Jacob if he cares enough, easy done. I'm 99% sure tribal will go my way tonight, here's to hoping the odds are in my favour!
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I am now apparently a swing vote somehow someway. Landen or Emma goes. I would prefer to vote out neither of them, but hey, I could end up going to. Were you expecting something better? nah. Five player tribes SUCK. Billy and Landen are battling for control of the tribe. I kindof like that battle to continue. Plus I trust Landen, kindof. If Juls is voting Landen, I vote Landen because there's no point. If Juls votes Em, then I vote Em. If Juls doesn't respond before the vote, uh, we'll see. I think she'd be more likely to vote out Landen, but like idk. EIther way, none of these people are me, and I am a number to anyone involved. Mission success? I just need to challenge beast a little bit more.
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Ughhh I don't want to be making this confessional right now. Hardly anything has changed since the last time I went to tribal, in terms of my annoyance with the team. We were SO close to winning, we almost had it, and we could've gotten it if Emma had just SUBMITTED. I actually really like her too so it's really frustrating that she does this but I can't justify keeping her when she just.... didn't submit. Not only that but she never apologized, commented on it, or anything. Like that's just plain disrespectful. So I'm wanting to vote her out. Unfortunately I feel like Juls is way too close with her, their bond is dangerous and Juls probably feels like she has to work with Em because they are some of the only girls in the gay-infested ORG community so they just feel a natural connection from that, and they are similar in other ways as well. I definitely feel like those two being as close as they are will be dangerous to me tonight and I know for a fact my name was going around, too. I heard about that from Jacob and it's not surprising at all they would throw my name out. The danger is they could abuse Billy, and they know it. They're definitely trying to get me voted out, and they're definitely trying to use Billy as a number to do it. Which is absolutely ridiculous since they were the first ones to throw his name out and push for it, but oh well. A snake's a snake, and I'm going to try and chop this one's tail off. Notice I said the tail because Emma is literally useless and does absolutely nothing and she's lucky Juls is tryna carry her through this. I'm pressedt. I definitely know I'm in danger and it's like, whatever. If I go in, I'm fine, I can presumably make my way out of the arena and back to the game where I can wreak havoc and be righteously emotional because taking me, the person who got the best score and has been making the most effort to actually talk to people on this deadbeat fucking tribe, out, in Round 2, is kinda just psychotic. I'm absolutely livid and I just... Ugh, it has not been the best week and this game is just starting off so slow and I hate my tribe SO much like it's literally disgusting. I used to hate the One World Twist and I still do as a concept, but thank GOD for it being in this one because I can only tolerate my tribe thanks to being able to talk to people from the other tribes like Jacob, Sammy, Caeleb, etc. I just want this round to be over with and to stop losing for just a few rounds. whew that's all i have to say fuck emma for throwing this 
So I survived tribal! That's great! I was really hoping it wasn't going to be like a permanent red mark against my record. I obviously had a plan for if I did go into the arena, and I figured I would survive, but I'm really glad I don't have to have that permanent scratch on my Tumblr Survivor Record now, and hopefully that makes the endgame easier to navigate. You have to consider things like the FTC early in seasons like these because of the one World Twist and the Arena twist. Both totally impact whether the jury will vote for you, and so it's important to be thinking far more ahead than one usually thinks in Survivor. I'm honestly SHOCKED that I survived tribal tonight, I was 100% Juls and Billy were voting for me, but I'm really glad it happened. I think this confirmed my loyalty with Billy, but in tribal I did come off passive aggressive and honestly, they can deal with it. I wanted to be slightly entertaining but still try to sound rational and sane in where I was coming from, hopefully I accomplished like that? Like I was just so frustrated that my name was in genuine consideration, from what *I* had heard. Like... why the fuck? I got the highest score in the challenge, offered to do flag and did chant for the other team, Emma did nothing both times, it was obvious she should've been the vote. And I'm really happy all the tribe came around with that. I'm really happy I can appreciate loyalty from the people I've grown to like on this tribe. I think I can count on Jacob as a number, and as far as Juls and Billy go, I love those two man. They are great people and I love talking to them. The only issue I have with this tribe is everyone is quiet and shaky and on such a small tribe, everyone gives indefinite answers and it makes things fucking awkward and paranoia runs rampant as you saw tonight. I'm just happy to be safe, have numbers, and be out of the damn Arena. That being said, this tribe is still too tiny and with a possibly furious Emma coming back to exact revenge (and I know she has a lovely heart and personality so I'm definitely expecting her to win over an army) I want to swap out of here as fast as possible so I can begin building my own path to a glimmering throne. 
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He’s not as good at challenges as billy, and I’m close with juls and Jacob so I’m not voting them, and billy is immune And everyone is voting with me in theory except landen Next round I’m hoping we don’t go to tribal lol 
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This tribe kindof hates each other. Landen and Billy are distrustful of each other. Emma and Landen are also distrustful. Juls and Landen and Emma and Billy are pairs if we want to go that far. I am good with Emma and Landen, Emma slightly less so now, but I did help her out quite a bit. I'm playing both sides pretty well, let's see how far that'll get me, cause I need to be incredibly careful. Juls is also viewed as a greater swing vote, so if both sides-ing does come back to bite us, it should bite Juls before me. Hopefully Emma comes back.
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so round two has been a bit better, i think ive repaired all my relationships on my tribe and even managed to stand out in the challenge so maybe they think theyll need me and keep me around. Long story short i think I have longevity for now, but to be completely honest the longer this twist is in the game where once im voted out i just have to beat somoene in a challenge to get back like, im not overly concerned
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Just wanted to ask HOW WERE WE ABLE TO WIN IMMUNITY WHEN WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A MEDAL?!?!?!?!?!? *cackling* Also Connor getting voted out is what he gets for saying in the main chat to vote me out. <3 u Connor <3 
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xiaojusaur · 6 years
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Encounter With the Past
A/N: So I’ve been lost because of college but I needed time to relax and this is what I do. This was a request and I was really hyped to do it, so here it is! @tcb720-4
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Warning: Strong language, mentions of smut, fight
You and Yoongi barely attended to his friends’ parties but since it was tests week, he decided it was a good idea to have some stress relief. You guys preferred staying in his or your dorm, watching Netflix, cuddling, sleeping, and occasionally having sex (when Yoongi wasn’t too lazy).
“So tonight is Jungkook’s party, you remember right?” he said entering your into dorm with some takeout food.
“Yeah I remember. We still going?” you asked in hopes of not going.
“Yeah, I think it will be good to have some drinks and have some fun even though I hate half of the people Jungkook invites.”
You sighed heavily and said “Alright. Let’s eat and then get ready.”
You tried to look decent and wore a short pencil skirt, with some boots, and a nice shirt. You fixed your hair, applied some makeup on and you were ready to go.
As soon as you got out of the room Yoongi was left open-mouthed. “Woah! Who are you and what did you do with my Y/N?” he said as he got closer, embracing you.
“Oh I don’t know, maybe she threw herself from the window and left you with another woman in here.” You laughed, making him laugh his beautiful gummy smile.
He kissed your cheek, hummed and said “I think I have an idea of what we can do when we get back home.”
You giggled and said “If you’re not too drunk and sleepy, I might have an idea too.” You winked.
You both left for the party.
 The loud music could be heard from a block away. When Yoongi opened the door, the boom of the music and the people screaming to be heard were already driving you crazy. Yoongi noticed and he tightened his hand on yours in a sign of comfort.
He was walking around, hand-in-hand with you, looking for Jungkook or at least one of his other friends. Finally you guys found Jin in the kitchen. “Hey!! You guys came! That’s amazing!” He was screaming because of the loud music.
“Yeah! Where’s Jungkook?” asked Yoongi.
“Probably around messing with some girl. Hoseok is probably in the middle dancing, I saw Namjoon with some girl on his lap, and Jimin is probably drinking on some corner. Either that or is already in a room with someone.”
Jin looked at you and said “Im glad you guys started dating, it’s the best for both and Yoongi is a really good guy.”
After that, Yoongi said “I’ll get us some drinks, I’ll be right back,” and left you alone.
You started feeling someone’s eyes on you and started scanning the room to see who was looking at you. It could be anyone in the world but for your bad luck, there was your ex boyfriend with his eyes on you. You don’t know if he was trying to judge you or if he was checking you out but there he was. He didn’t even stop looking at you when you made eye contact, that way you knew he was trying to have your attention.
He walked slowly to you. You wanted to move, to run away from him but you coulnd’t because then Yoongi would lose you in the crowd and you didn’t know everyone here except for the other guys, and they were all kinda busy.
“Y/N? What a pleasant surprise to see you here. You’re not one to come to parties...” Ugh! That annoying voice of him, you wanted to slap his face instantly.
“Yeah, Im just here with my boyfriend, releasing some stress from hell week, you know.” You answered casually.
“Oh! You have a new boyfriend? That’s nice, I hope he makes you happy.”
“He does indeed.” You were annoyed, he was smirking the whole time and you just wanted to punch that smirk out of his face.
“So where is he? He left you alone? That’s kinda dangerous in a party like this one.”
“He went to get some drinks.”
“A true gentleman, I see.”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve been getting hotter by the years Y/N. Your body is amazing and those boobs and ass? They are huge! I would give anything to smash you now.”
You started feeling conscious and you crossed your hands on your chest, trying to cover it.
In that moment, Yoongi arrived and your ex left without saying a word. Yoongi did noticed the guys was talking to you and asked “What’s with him? Was he bothering you babe?”
“Nah! He’s just my annoying ex. He thinks he’s still hot.”
“Pfft! With that face? I don’t even think he catches a cold.”
You started laughing hysterically. Yoongi sometimes could have a sense of humor.
 The party turned out to be really fun. You guys were drinking and having some laughs thanks to Hoseok who was dancing funny after having some drinks.
You were sitting on Yoongi’s lap, watching the whole thing when your ex appeared again.
“So this is the guy huh?” He loved making controversy.
“Yeah. Kinda obvious since I wouldn’t be sitting on a stranger’s lap, don’t you think?” You said rolling your eyes.
“Well, you sat on this dick a few days later after starting dating me?”
Oh dear, this was the start of a very ugly war.
You felt Yoongi tensing underneath you and placed your hand on his to try to calm him down, but if he wanted to give this guy a few punches, he was in all of his rights. You knew him too well, Yoongi is calm, but when something pisses him off he would be capable of going to jail because BOY! He has a temper!
He whispered calmly “Baby, get off me please, I need to have a conversation with your amazing ex.”
He got up and faced him. “Do you have a problem? Cause we can solve it right now.”
“Are you threatening me?” your ex caught Yoongi by the collar of his shirt. At this point, everyone was in a circle watching the unpleasant show.
Yoongi gave him his typical sided grin, the one that tells you he’s really pissed.
“Let him go!” you tried to push your ex but he was too buff for you to even move him. He let him go but when you thought everything was going to be okay, your ex punched Yoongi on the mouth. A scream left your lips and everyone started to grab your ex to push him away.
Yoongi swiped his mouth, that’s when you noticed he had a broken lip. You were panicking but he was as if he had nothing. Yoongi took your hand and started walking to the door when your ex said “Yeah, run like a little pussy, I bet you can’t even dick her down properly.”
Everyone gasped and Yoongi spun brusquely, walking back to him. He didn’t say a word, he just connected his fist with your ex’s eye. Your ex almost drop to the floor, but Yoongi grabbed him by the shirt and said between teeth “Listen bitch, I hate making a scene but Im done with your sexual comments. Nobody cares about our sexual life but just so you know, you can ask her if you want, I can make that girl scream more than you ever could, and must importantly, I don’t even need my dick for it. It’s really sad that you didn’t even make her reach an orgasm with your pinky dick, useless piece of trash.” He threw him to the floor.
Everyone was left in shock. Yoongi wasn’t one to pick up a fight, but when it comes to you, he would do anything. He was right though, that boy could make you orgasm with only his tongue, he was magical.
He walked to you and placing an arm around your waist said “Let’s go home baby, I’m done with this bullshit of a party.”
When you arrived to your dorm, underneath the light you could see his lip was swollen and was starting to get purple. You tried not to panic but he noticed your eyes on him and said “I’m okay babe, is just a broken lip, I’ve had them before.”
“Doesn’t matter babe, this was my fault. I’m gonna change into my pj’s and then I’ll take care of your lip.” You were feeling guilty and you needed some space, so you locked yourself in the room. You changed clothes and then sat on the bed, thinking about what if Yoongi left because of this?
In that moment he knocked on the door “Babe, can I come in? I’m kinda tired and your bed is comfy.” He knew you were feeling bad and of course, he had to make you smile. You went to the door and opened it, getting greeted by his beautiful face. He quickly waddled to the bed and jumped on it, groaning from finally be resting. “Fuck! I would marry this bed to be honest, it’s so comfy.”
You giggled and said “Silly! I’m gonna look for some ice to put on your lip, okay?”
Putting his arms behind his head and looking at you with a smirk he said “Why don’t you come instead and put that pussy on my face.”
“YOONGI!” You gasped pretending you were surprised by his words. You just ignored him and turn around to go to the kitchen when he yelled “Look at that fine ass! A whole meal and Im hungry!” He was doing this on purpose to make you forget about your thoughts.
You came back to the room with some paper towels and some ice. You sat by his side and wrapped and ice cube in a paper towel. You pressed it gently on his broken lip, he hissed but he was okay. You got closer to examine his lip, it was already bruised. You ran your thumb on his lip and his reaction was to stick his tongue out and then suck it.
You giggled “Yoongi stop!”
“But I want you! Kiss me please,” he was pouting! You were a sucker for when he acted cute. You kissed his lips gently, careful to not hurt him but he quickly turned the whole thing into a hot session of make out. He wrapped his arms around your waist and rolled on the bed so he was laying on you.
He was saying between kisses “Fuck.I love you. So.So.Much.” He leaned his forehead on yours and said “Don’t ever say that this was your fault okay? I love you and I would do anything for you.” You just smiled and then he kissed your cheek, running down to your jaw and finally, reaching your neck.
Seems like you two weren’t going to sleep tonight!
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warrenkoles · 5 years
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@lf-archived this does really help a lot to hear, i really appreciate you taking the time to type all this out because the reassurance is really helpful. & i love you and trust you a lot, more than my own brain lmao.
i guess re the sleeping stuff i just wish i have.....Done More Things.....it feels like everyone else my age has all these Stories of all the things they’ve done and experienced so far and all these things and have all these things they do over the weekends and stuff and i have nothing, all i do is sleep and all my stories are about Being Traumatized and Trying 2 Die(TM) and it just doesnt feel fair. i’ve never even been outside the country yet it feels like everyone else has been to half the countries in the world. i know that’s not true but it feels like either You’re A Cool And Cultured Person Who’s Been On Every Single Continent By 25 And Have Endless Stories About All Your Adventures or You’re A Worthless “Townie” Who’s Stuck In Your Hometown And Will Never Leave Because You’re Lazy And Not Smart And Everyone’s Laughing At You For It. and it makes me very ugly inside and i just wish i was a different person born into a different family and i didn’t have to deal with all this fucking bullshit just to stay alive ..... and being bitter abt it just makes me feel worse like it’s just proving that i am so pathetic. i don’t know
anyways. i usually eat like twice a day (mealwise) and then usually some snacks in between so i feel like that’s rly good and i do try to eat lots of different food groups.....i’m not very good at reading hunger signals esp since half the time it can mean other things too but. im trying .... i’ve been trying to eat less “fried” foods and more “healthy” foods but not actively restrict or anything ..... so idk what else i can do bc trying to keep a food journal will make me relapse and stuff. and i wanna like make more meals from scratch but i’m too tired. which just doubles back on the whole “ur fucking useless” bit. so it’s like i dont know what to do.
anyways im really sorry for ranting on you casey you dont have to reply to try and make me feel better or anything bc what u said rly does help im just rly fucked up and probably will need to be in therapy for life at this point . im trying to get better at just taking things as they are like...It Is What It Is.....but it’s hard and i’m not good at it yet . i love you and hope ur doing okay bby
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traitor-boyfriend · 6 years
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uhhh hi hi, this may sound like a stupid question but what’s with the whole convincing normal tumblr South Park is good debate. is it that ppl shouldn’t be arguing with them because it’s useless and won’t change their minds or is it that some fans genuinely dislike the show?? sorry im just super confused also I love your art and ur super amazing.
no don’t worry it’s not a stupid question! i have seen people genuinely confused toward the general attitude of a lot of people in the fandom toward the show and i can’t speak for everyone but i can only give you my personal feelings. 
basically it amounts to while i have a lot of personal affection for the show both b/c of nostalgia and that i do often think it’s capable of being very clever and funny, the show’s politics and its shock humor (the “offensive for the sake of being offensive” / “making fun of everyone” you hear about it a lot) is off-putting and repugnant to a lot of people and for good reason. especially in the context of the attitude toward it w the rest of tumblr as it’s a pretty left-wing contingent and leftist politics tend to be the one that receive the most of south park’s vitriol. yeah, it’s generally useless to try and argue for south park’s cultural or artistic merit to those people b/c it’s exactly the kind of problematic media they avoid consuming but that’s not to say they’re wrong for not enjoying it. 
south park is frequently touted as a political satire but a lot of its concession on politics is lazy and nihilistic and ultimately avoids taking a stand by painting both sides as being batshit crazy or completely incompetent or inept. which isn’t to say exaggeration isn’t a useful tool in satire, but the show uses it more to absolve themselves of any responsibility in remaining complicit when they commentate on social issues. and they’re somehow capable of holding both progressive and antithetical opinions on the same issue. the first one that comes to mind is gay rights. the fourth episode of the show, which aired in 1997 and nearly a whole year before will and grace did which is the show that is heralded time and time again as paving the way for gay characters in american media and helped turn the tides on the anti-gay politics of the nineties, has stan get up in front of his entire small right-wing town and declare not only that being gay is natural but that it’s beautiful. that’s pretty significant. at the same time, several years later they did the episode about changing the meaning of the word f*ggt. it completely ignores the word’s long history as a vicious anti-gay slur and that the mutability of language is an arduous process – not something that will happen with the flip of a switch b/c they personally wish to change its meaning b/c they find it funny to say. 
south park has a lot of conflicting political commentary. i mean.. they have multiple episodes about how climate change isn’t real. remember how they tried to paint al gore as the biggest wackjob in the world? which, trying to deny that at this point is almost as reactionary an opinion you can hold with so much indisputable evidence to the contrary. and none of this even goes into their history of using racial caricatures for a quick laugh (trey parker being so horrifically fond of using that godawful asian accent at any opportunity he can). and there’s only so long they can cling to the benefit of the doubt given to them that cartman’s constant antisemitism is supposed to be, like, a super Woke representation indicative of everyday hate against jews when in reality they just think get a kick out of cartman makes a Funny Jew Joke
my point is, south park (and trey parker and matt stone themselves) posits itself as an “equal opportunity offender” when in reality, but there’s not much equality throwing the same amount of punches at dominating social institutions and marginalized communities at the same rate. which, again, they’re not even really doing – especially in recent seasons with their renewed tirade against political correctness. which has always been funny to me how often they rail against it. you would think if it was the ugly puppetmaster of censorship they portrayed it as, south park wouldn’t be going into its tweny-second year on the air
tl;dr south park is a highly flawed piece of media that is also one of the most iconic american cultural fixtures. some people are capable of overlooking this in search of its greater qualities and others aren’t
oh and i found this really great reddit post very coherently sums up a lot of what i’m trying to say
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idylldays444 · 2 years
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today i feel like i am rotting. i have been so terribly dazed, loss, just far far away from where i should be. it feels like i don’t really know anything at all and if i know something it’s only for a short moment then it fades away again. it feels like i’m going insane. it feels like my thoughts are sand and my head is a windy day and they just won’t remain, won’t stay. and then i don’t really know who or what i am at all either. i know sometimes but i change so often i don’t know what i like, what i hate. i don’t know what i look like. i can’t tell if i’m fat and ugly or if i’m quite pretty and a little thin. i can’t tell if i’m happy or sad sometimes. i love a boy with every fiber of my being and yet sometimes i wonder if im doing the right thing. it always boils down to my own insecurities and issues and my own inability to understand myself. i always seem to fuck up and i always seem to disappoint people and i always seem to disappoint myself most of all. i have no dreams or aspirations. im lazy. im complacent and i won’t get off my ass and do anything to fix it. i try for a day or two and fail because of my own weakness. i am pathetic in all meanings of the word. why do i exist? why do i live? because i cannot die? i feel like a rotting corpse that has drowned. swollen and blue. inhuman. unrecognizable. i feel so utterly terrible. i want to be better. i want to be a person and i want to feel like i deserve to be a person. i stay up all night because i dk not deserve rest. but i waste my life away all the same. there is nothing i can do or accomplish and there is nothing i will ever do or accomplish. useless and lazy. stupid. a liar. the biggest liar i know. i just wanted to be a pretty girl. i just wanted to be intelligent and loved. and i am loved. i know that. but it feels like i am only lying. because how could someone love someone as terrible as me? how could that possibly happen? i must be lying to them. i must be showing them a person that doesn’t truly exist.
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